00:11:02.540So every oral argument, I would, the night before and two nights before, try to get nine to ten hours sleep.
00:11:07.480By the way, in politics, before any debate, I try to do that for two nights in a row, get nine to ten hours sleep, because your brain is a half second faster.
00:13:30.080It was kind of a cool coincidence, but it doesn't matter.
00:13:32.400But what's interesting—so, look, if you watch TV, you think that a Supreme Court argument is giving some peroration, some speech where you're Clarence Darrow, you're going to speak and soar.
00:13:50.600You begin with, Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the court.
00:13:53.340Every argument begins with that opening.
00:13:55.480And you begin talking, and the justices will interrupt you with questions, and they'll do it fast, and they'll fire at you.
00:14:04.060And I've told what I used to teach at UT Law School.
00:14:07.620I would tell my students, I said, look, an oral argument is front of the Supreme Court.
00:14:11.960You're standing in front of the nine of the smartest lawyers on the planet, and you're a little bit like a chunk of tuna being fed to a school of sharks.
00:14:21.060They come at you every direction, and every question you're trying to think of, okay, how do I answer this?
00:14:28.880And you've got to understand, if you're answering a question, a smart justice—so the questions are generally not inquisitorial in the sense of, hey, what are the facts on this?
00:14:42.420Most arguments you go in, and two or three or four justices are on one side of the issue, and two or three or four justices are on the other side of the issue.
00:15:16.060And so you will get questions, number one, from the justices who disagree with you.
00:15:21.380They're trying to ask a question in a line of questions to make your position look utterly imbecilic.
00:15:27.260So the reason you need that half-second speed is you're trying to anticipate, if I answer yes to question one, where does question two, three, four, and five take me?
00:15:35.260Because they want you to answer question five something so ridiculous that the swing justice says, well, no, no, no, I couldn't possibly agree with that position.
00:15:44.060On the other hand, the justices who agree with you, they'll typically—they think you're an idiot, too.
00:15:51.080So they'll typically jump in, well, counsel, don't you mean to say the following?
00:15:54.540And they're actually trying to argue to their colleagues through you.
00:25:54.580I was actually a bizarrely atypical Rehnquist clerk.
00:25:58.500You would have been much more likely to get hired by Rehnquist because he hired athletes, and part of the Rehnquist clerkship is you had to play tennis with him every week.
00:26:08.300That's the closest I would have ever gotten to clerking on the Supreme Court was that one qualification.
00:26:12.220So – and he would – so we played tennis Thursday mornings, 11 a.m.
00:26:16.120And actually, so you had – so in any given year, there are roughly 8,000 petitions for certiorari, which is a request for the Supreme Court to take an appeal.
00:26:26.960The court grants about 80 a year, so they grant about 1%.
00:26:30.560The way the court resolves those is they have something called the cert pool, which is the law clerks that are there, they divvy up the cert petitions, and you write memos.
00:26:39.280So in a given week, you typically had to write seven to eight memos.
00:26:43.220They could be anywhere from one page to 20 pages, analyzing the cert petition and making a recommendation to the justices whether they should take the case.
00:26:51.560The pool memos were due Thursday at noon.
00:28:55.980And basically, David would cover three-fourths of the court, and I'd kind of stay in one small spot and try not to screw up too many points.
00:32:56.000It looks exactly like the tablets that Charlton Heston carried.
00:33:01.060And actually, I'm going to take a brief aside and say, if you ever are arguing a case in court,
00:33:08.640since you're not a lawyer, something would have to go terribly wrong for you to be arguing a case in court.
00:33:12.580But if you're convicted of murder and you're defending yourself, the advice that I have given lawyers is never, ever, ever try to be funny.
00:33:23.820It is the province of judges to be funny.