Dating Talk #6
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 35 minutes
Words per Minute
175.72765
Summary
In this episode of Whatever Dating Talk, we talk about what it means to be single, how to figure out if you re single, and how to deal with being single in the 21st century. We're joined by Anna, Raina, and Samantha to talk about their experiences with single life and dating in their 20s.
Transcript
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Welcome to the Whatever Dating Talk podcast, coming to you live from Isla Vista, Santa
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Barbara County, California, every Tuesday and Thursday at 7 p.m. Pacific.
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I am your host, Brian Atlas, the most publicly rejected man in the history of the world.
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A few quick announcements before the show begins.
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This channel is viewer-supported, you know, YouTube demonetization, all that, so please
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I will read, answer all super chats intermittently.
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We will display all super chats in stream overlay.
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We've got channel memberships, Patreon merch, all links in the description.
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For the sake of debate, I may play devil's advocate and take on a position I may not necessarily
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Without further ado, we're going to have the guests introduce themselves.
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So please, tell us your name, age, occupation, and relationship status.
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I work in media management, but I'm also releasing music soon, and I just published a book, so I
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I am 26, and I'm a sacred sexuality rewilding and embodiment guide.
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I do one-on-one coaching and group containers, and I'm also a poet and musician, and I am
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I'm currently a student at UCSB, and I'm single.
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I'm 20 years old, and I'm a hostess at a restaurant, and I'm newly in a relationship.
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So when you say you deserve it, you've just been through some...
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Give us like a plot synopsis of your disastrous last relationship.
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Like, oh, they have a cute little relationship with their mom.
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Maybe an F in the chat for Julia and her Mercedes-Benz.
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When you say talk, are we talking like hooking up?
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But I feel like a lot of people don't go on proper dates.
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So it's kind of a blurred line when it comes to what constitutes a date.
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So for me, being single, it's definitely different than being celibate.
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Because I was celibate for 10 months where I was only channeling my sexual energy into myself,
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my self-pleasure practices, my business, my art.
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But being single means that I'm like open to seeing people and I'm into sharing my sexual energy with people when it's aligned.
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And yeah, like I could be dating or talking to no one or I could be dating and talking to multiple people at the same time.
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But single is like, it means that I'm not actively in a committed relationship with someone.
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I could be sleeping with someone and still single or multiple people at the same time.
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I guess I would classify being single as like, I'm not committing myself to anyone.
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And I'm also not expecting someone else to be committed to me, if that makes sense.
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But at the same time, like, yeah, I could be talking to four other people just because I'm getting to know them.
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Like, if you're not taking me out on a date, picking me up, paying for my dinner or things like that.
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And then, too, like, if I don't have feelings with someone, I mean, obviously, like, I don't know.
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Like, when I really start to have feelings for someone, that's when I kind of start to shut off everything else and other people.
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And so you said that you could be seeing somebody, but it's not, it doesn't reach the threshold of dating unless it's sort of meets the traditional metrics of that.
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So I think you said picking you up, paying for your dates, et cetera, et cetera.
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I don't know, though, because I've accepted a lot.
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I've accepted a lot of comeovers and things like that, and it's also led to dating.
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So I wouldn't say it just has to be the traditional pick-me-up, but they need to be putting in substantial effort, and they also need to not be seeing anyone else.
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They have to not be seeing anyone else for what?
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To be in a, or, yeah, for me to consider them as anything towards serious.
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Like, they need to not be talking to anyone else.
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I'm sure they wouldn't like that, but no, no, no.
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I'm, no, I shouldn't be talking to someone else.
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If I really like someone, I am not talking to anyone else.
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Even if they haven't yet, either directly or indirectly.
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Okay, that's a hard one, because I've been in a situation where I really like the person, and they were not interested in me at all, and I was still pursuing them.
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But at the same time, I was so hurt about having to pursue them that I was also talking to other people at the same time.
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Especially when we include polyamory in the mix, and dating multiple people, and then, okay.
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So, you have some experience with polyamorous relationships.
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What is the most concurrent amount of partners that you've had at a given time?
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I'm pansexual, so full spectrum of people, genders, sexuality is what I'm into.
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But for me, and it hasn't always been this way in the people I've been relating with,
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but for me, if I'm dating someone, and they're dating other people, I want to know the other people, at the very least.
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Like, we don't have to all be dating, but I want to know who they are.
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I want to, like, include them in just the love, even if it's not sexual.
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But I've dated someone recently who was dating five other women while we were dating a man,
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and none of them wanted to know me until the very end, one of them did, and we met.
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But that was just, like, I could feel their energy.
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Like, it's like I could feel them when I would be with him, and that was a boundary for me,
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because I would want to know who they are if we're sharing intimate space with the same man.
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So, no, I'm curious about the whole polyamory thing.
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So, and you said that even if you weren't with one of the other people that one of your partners
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was seeing, you would want to know who they are.
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So, for you with polyamory, was it a situation where you, like, they would, you wanted to know
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So, it wasn't like a don't ask, don't tell policy?
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And I, so I've been in various iterations of polyamorous relating, and I've been with
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Like, don't ask, don't tell, just you do your thing, I'll do mine.
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But I'm the opposite, because then I have all of the attachment wounding coming up.
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And for me, I want to be able to share with my partner exactly what I can share with my
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And so, if I can't tell them, like, I'm into someone, and this is my experience, then I
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But when I hear about who they're into, I can experience compersion, which is that feeling
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of, like, being turned on by your partner's turn on, because of your love for them.
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And then it's like, it just builds the intimacy, in my experience.
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We should definitely go into the whole polyamory thing a bit more later on in the show.
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So, I guess that'll bring us to our first sort of topic question of the show.
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Well, I feel like that's a very broad question.
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Dating the right person at the right time doesn't suck.
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And I guess, to be more specific, when you're single, so the process of dating, you know,
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like, going out, meeting new people, maybe you're on the dating apps, I want to say, does
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dating suck prior to entering into a relationship?
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Does dating suck prior to entering a relationship?
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So, I'm not, I'm not, the question isn't so much focused on, I mean, certainly once you're
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in a relationship, I mean, there's bad relationships, but I mean, it's more so like, dating when
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I think, in between my two relationships, I had like a year where I was single.
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But, you know, you have to be in a certain headspace for that.
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I think when I was single, I would look at people that were dating and be like, oh, that
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But now that I'm in a relationship, you know, it's nice to have a person to have consistently
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So it's kind of just like, where you're at mentally in that way, you know?
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Like, your headspace makes, or it like, is a big deal in this.
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Like, it can suck if you're like, consistently trying to meet these guys, and they're all
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Like, you don't know if they're talking to another girl unless you have that conversation.
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But for me personally, I think dating doesn't suck.
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Because like, as a girl, you kind of like, not like you get stuff, but you're taking out
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And then you're also not committing to one person.
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And so you mentioned that your experience dating doesn't suck.
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Or, well, you get taken out for dinner, for example.
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And you also said that you see a bunch of people.
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No, like, I'm saying I'm not committing to one person either.
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So like, I'm getting to know a bunch of people at the same time.
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I might have better connection with some than others.
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But like, that's why I could see how dating sucks.
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But like, I feel like if you know how to go about it, it doesn't suck.
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If it doesn't work out too, like, you've met another person who like, shared their story
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Do you think that on both sides, when people are dating multiple people, that that can
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sometimes prevent what would otherwise have been a relationship from proceeding, prevent
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Because if you're just dating a whole bunch of people, like...
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I think there has to be communication about like, if you guys are exclusive or not.
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And then, because like, in the beginning, when you first meet people, you're, they're probably
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Like, the likelihood that you're the only person they're talking to is very low.
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I feel like it doesn't bother me because in today's day and age, like, that's what everyone's
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And like, I'm kind of, I'm kind of doing the same thing, right?
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And like, I'm not specifically narrowing it down to anyone.
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And I'm trying to expand my frame of mind and heart to really feel like, no, it doesn't
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But as a conscious woman on a spiritual path, deep in the sacred sexuality work, where I
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want to be met in dating, in relationship, is very specific, very, very nuanced.
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And I feel like the pool of people who can meet me there is very small.
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And so I have this, in a sense, scarcity mindset around who is willing to, like, get fully
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down in the wildness and the earth with me and, like, really be in that space of committing
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to the awakening of our planet and, like, on the same path.
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And it's hard for me to share my erotic energy with anyone who isn't in deep alignment with
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So I have had this negative thing around dating, especially in L.A. of, like, it does suck
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I just want everything to, like, align perfectly.
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And I'm slowly opening my energy to just be, you know, to trust that people can surprise
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you and there can be magic even in the most unlikely connections.
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You said going, getting down to earth, or what was it you said?
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Pachamama, the earth, like, we come from the earth, right?
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And so I feel like being in, especially living in L.A. and the heart of, like, the immediate
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capital of the world, Hollywood, all of this, the city, there can be this energy that's,
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that's, like, very ungrounded and not, like, connected to the elements, connected to the
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fresh water, connected to the fire and the earth.
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And so I only want to share my Eros, Eros being erotic energy.
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And my mythology doesn't go very far beyond Eros.
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Eros being our sexual life force energy, like that feeling of turn on.
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So I only want to share my Eros with someone who can actually meet me in that space of spirituality
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That's not, that's, isn't that just outside of Fort Lauderdale?
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It's like 20 minutes, no, it's like 20 minutes from Daytona, an hour from Orlando, and three
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But so I do agree, though, that L.A., it's very superficial, shallow.
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It really has a lot to do with your headspace because I've been in times where I've been
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single and I'm so, I feel so bad about myself only because I had probably just gotten out
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of a relationship at that point and I'm missing someone or I do miss that consistency.
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But once I start feeling better, then it does become fun because it is fun to meet new people
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And even if it goes really bad, like I've been in so many bad dates, it's still something
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to laugh about and it's an experience and it's like a new contact.
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So it definitely is fun when you're in the right headspace.
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You know that they're like playing a game, so you got to play it back.
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I said not that you act clueless, but like kind of to like not give them a sense of that they're
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in the, like that they have power over you, you know?
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You don't have to do anything you don't want to do either.
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Like on dates, like if a guy asks like, can I kiss you?
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And I'd rather them like accept that boundary and like be still like be interested in me.
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Not like a game, but just kind of like, I know that they're talking to a bunch of guys.
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So why would I close myself off to just that one guy?
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Like why would I take someone seriously when clearly they're not taking me seriously at
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Especially because we're all like in our early twenties.
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Like this is the time to like explore and find yourself too.
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When you say explore and find yourself, does that mean just like get run through by a bunch
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Like you don't know, like people have like childhood traumas and like beliefs that they
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had that they grew up with and don't know anything else.
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But now that you're like in college, like I love being at UCSB because I've been able
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to like figure out what I truly like and I've put myself out there in different ways and
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By the way, did you guys say what your majors were at UCSB?
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What would you say is the best, most, maybe not best, but what is the furthest a guy has
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Has a guy ever offered, well, let me start with this.
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Has a guy ever offered to fly you out somewhere?
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I have had a guy offer to fly me out somewhere.
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And then when it came time to like buy the flight, like we're on the phone with each
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And he's like, okay, so did you get the flight?
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And I'm sitting here like, um, I thought you were supposed to be flying me out on the
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Like that's what I'm thinking in my head, guys.
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I bought the flight, but I've had other experiences where a guy has flown me somewhere with him
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So I've had that, but I guess I've never had the experience of a guy literally flying me
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Wait, but so you said you have gone on dates where the guy has flown you somewhere.
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We, me and him like never ended up actually dating, but it was really fun.
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Um, I mean, that was a pretty extravagant, extravagant date.
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No, I had an offer from a friend who's in Miami who was like, come see me.
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And I had someone I was in a committed partnership with buy me a ticket.
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But I do have a story of a really, like how far a guy has gone.
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Um, not a flight, but on our first date, he bought roses and also bought a bunch of rose
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He bought rose perfume because he knows that I love roses.
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And so I like go into his room and he, the whole bed is covered with roses.
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There's a rose candle lit, all this rose stuff.
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And then he made me breakfast in bed the next day and like fed me berries and no one has
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And so I proceed to think like, oh, I'm falling in love with him.
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But this is the guy that's dating five other women.
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And it's like, no, I just like want to worship the divine feminine, every woman, which I
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And we're great friends now, but I was shocked.
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I was like, no one I've dated for years has ever bought me like all this rose stuff and
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Well, we had, we knew we had been friends for the past like year and a half.
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And then we had acknowledged that like, oh, there's a charge and we want to explore this.
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And then it was, it was like the first time we did.
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And you said there was rose petals everywhere, rose, it full roses, rose tea, rose laundry.
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Cause I was just in a space of like worship me as the goddess I am, like pamper me.
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But it did get confusing when I was like, I like, I wanted to be in a relationship with
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The roses, the breakfast in bed, mixed messages.
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If a guy like first date did a bunch of all this extra shit, roses, chocolates.
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Tea, rose petals, laundry detergent, laundry detergent, laundry detergent, honestly, that's
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Bringing laundry detergent to my first day here.
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Well, I don't know if that'd be like a good thing.
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But, uh, so Samantha, um, yeah, if someone did that, would that be a bit extra?
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Aside from the laundry detergent, that's so thoughtful for someone to just go and plan
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all of this stuff because they know that they're going to see me.
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I mean, I honestly wouldn't even know what to think and it would depend on the person
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Uh, if I got like first date and a guy's doing all this extra shit, let's say he gets
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you, let's say he gets you flowers, uh, chocolate, all that stuff.
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Like it's like the first time meeting in person?
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First date, first date, but maybe you guys met say on a dating app or he approached you.
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I guess it wouldn't, I wouldn't like be mean about it.
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Like I'd be thankful that he thought put that much thought into it.
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You wouldn't feel like any sort of type of way.
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If it was like rose petals on the bed, I would, I would think a type of way for the first
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date, but like flowers and chocolates, like that's kind of cute.
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Flowers are great, but I think like, you know, for you, that's great because you've known
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this person, but if I met this person on a dating app and he bought me detergent and
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so you are a freak and not the good kind, you know, like I would give me the egg.
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I would, the detergent way, the detergent, I'd be like, what?
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What if he worked at a soap company and he was just like, look, I got a little extra soap
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He gives you like a Costco wholesale amount of detergent.
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I feel like I just, generally I have like a bias towards men in the sense that I am scared
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And I think they're always have some sort of misogyny within them.
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So I'm like, what message are you really trying to, what message are you really trying
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It's just kind of like an innate thing for me because the men that I have experienced relations
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Well, I just feel like every man just has a little bit of misogyny in them.
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I think it's a, I think it's an inherited thing.
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They're all, so all the men were just all misogynists.
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So what about, so does the same apply to women?
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In every woman, there's a little bit of misandry.
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I mean, women have been suppressed for centuries.
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So, you know, I feel like we all are kind of conditioned societally to, you know, kind of have that bias towards men.
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Like, we kind of grew up that way, I feel like.
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What do you, what do you mean, the bias towards men?
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Just like, I feel like the term, like, oh, boys will be boys is so common when men are mean or men are disrespectful.
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Or, like, growing up, if a boy was mean, they would say, oh, it's only because he likes you.
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But as far as the boys will be boys thing, I mean, I think that's, I think that's more so, like, when boys are just roughhousing with each other.
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But so you're, okay, so you said that misandry is justified.
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Hatred of men is justified because women throughout history have been oppressed.
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I don't want to, I don't want to speak for you.
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I, well, I don't think it's as present as I believe misogyny is present in men.
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And, you know, that could just be in so many different degrees.
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Like, men can be like, oh, women can't do this.
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And, like, I've had guys say, oh, it's so weird.
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You know, they're like, it's weird when a girl is chubby, but it's also weird when she goes to the gym too much.
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My ex, actually, was getting a tattoo one time.
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And he said, no, women don't know anything about tattoos.
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You know, they think women are stupid and useless.
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And I don't think women have that same sentiment innately as men do.
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Let me respond to her, and then I'll have you come in.
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So, they did a study on this, and they found out that men actually have a slight out-group bias for women.
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And women have an in-group bias for other women.
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So, yeah, men do, men are hating themselves, I guess.
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And, yeah, on this piece of misogyny, I feel that we all have pieces of the patriarchy inside of us.
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But when I say the patriarchy, what I mean is this, it's beyond men.
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It's this internalized system of oppression, of domination that extends far beyond gender, far beyond race.
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It's this energy of, like, hierarchy, this hierarchy within us.
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And we all have internalized that based on the cultures that we're brought up in and the state of the world right now.
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And so that can then be extended to different forms of power over others rather than power with and power from within and power where it's like the power of a circle.
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And so when I think of misogyny, I think of the hatred of women and men being on top of this pyramid or vice versa with women being on top of the pyramid.
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And it has, yeah, the statement of they do it to themselves or it's this, yeah, the fear of men.
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Like the hatred towards men because of the hatred towards women for centuries.
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And so there has been this flip that's happened.
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And ultimately, I think that it's us getting to really allow that domination paradigm within us to fall.
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And so we can see that every human, like there is a place we can all meet each other, but not without honoring all of the history of oppression of women.
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And yeah, it's just like we get to honor that first.
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And so when you said like you're wary of men, I was like, yeah, sis, me too, like always because I don't know, you know, what their intentions are.
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I don't know like what, you know, how they are with other women or their sisters or their mothers.
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Like it's this like wariness that I have more with men than with women.
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And if anybody else wants to jump in on this, so you use the word patriarchy.
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And I just want us to be to be precise in what we're saying.
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The patriarchy is a system of domination where specifically those in male bodies are at the top.
00:35:19.700
And there are others that are under them that have less power.
00:35:24.860
And the ones at the top being those in male bodies have more say in things.
00:35:32.960
And there's a sense of like they're doing like the right thing.
00:35:37.020
And those who are women don't have the same leverage as those who are men in positions of power.
00:35:47.340
So it's, you're basically, it's men as a group are working together to oppress women as a group, as a whole.
00:36:04.100
And so if we think of like, you know, fracking, for instance, that's a product of the patriarchy.
00:36:24.720
Yes, because feminine beauty standards that say like only a woman who looks like this is how, is a woman that will be loved, that will receive love from a man usually.
00:36:33.340
So we have this whole industry around plastic surgery that's going to like create, you know, and if anyone gets plastic surgery, like it's not, it's not saying like, don't do that or never do that, whatever.
00:36:42.500
But I'd say that's a product of the patriarchy.
00:36:44.120
I would say that razors are a product of the patriarchy.
00:36:51.340
The concept of eating disorders, product of the patriarchy.
00:36:54.720
Wait, razors are, how, how did razors get involved?
00:37:06.200
Actually, I have some, I have resources on this if we want to go back to the, the witch burning times.
00:37:22.160
It's like the masculine within all of us, right?
00:37:24.560
And so men and women both were shut down for being in attunement with nature, being in attunement with the elements, for knowing about herbal medicine, for birthing babies, midwives, etc.
00:37:38.480
And so in, in the book, um, witches, midwives, and nurses, they talk about how those who would be called witches would, at, before they'd be burned at the stake or sunk into water, they would strip them of their power in many ways, one of those ways being shaving their legs to strip them of the power of their hair, which often symbolizes the intuition.
00:38:04.340
Okay, so, um, I'm still not totally sure what, what the patriarchy is.
00:38:09.540
Does anybody else want to jump in or take a crack at it?
00:38:12.900
I would say that a lot of things mentioned, and this is just my personal opinion, is more of a factor of capitalism than it is of, like, oh, you want to look like this.
00:38:20.940
But at the same time, like, I've had plastic surgery, so.
00:38:25.640
Like, I had a nose job when, like, two years ago.
00:38:28.100
And, honestly, I was with a guy, and he dated me through the whole thing, before and after.
00:38:41.060
But then, on the other side of, like, this patriarchy, there is also this, like, femme fatale that's kind of emerged.
00:38:46.000
Like, I also feel like I'm in control of some of the situations when I'm with a guy.
00:38:49.380
And there's also been times where I'm in the room with a guy, and I know, and he knows, that there are some advantages that I have.
00:38:56.340
Maybe it's, like, whatever the social advantages are, like, job, like, whatever it is, like, there's a clear air in the room that I have the advantage in that situation.
00:39:15.920
So, you're saying in a social setting, you have some advantages over men when you're moving through a room?
00:39:26.880
Like, it's almost like the image of, like, a girl walking and, like, guys are, like, fanning her down.
00:39:36.120
I feel like women do have a lot of advantages over men in the sense that they are so just, like, I don't know, careless and just.
00:39:48.760
But I definitely feel like a guy, like, some guys will just do anything.
00:39:58.000
So, we could probably definitely go down the rabbit hole of patriarchy and feminism and all that stuff.
00:40:03.420
I don't know how much we want to veer in that direction.
00:40:09.960
This whole idea of a patriarchy, honestly, this is going to be a hot take.
00:40:15.220
It's basically just QAnon and deep state for feminists.
00:40:19.700
I mean, this idea of a patriarchy, it's also just the apex fallacy.
00:40:24.140
You're looking at the men at the very top but, like, not considering men.
00:40:27.960
I mean, you can say that you mentioned, like, politicians and stuff.
00:40:32.360
Certainly, in certain positions of power and, like, CEO jobs and stuff, yes, there is a higher proportion of men.
00:40:39.420
But there is a higher proportion of men that also occupy the absolute worst positions, the absolute worst jobs.
00:40:51.580
The vast majority of people who commit suicide are men.
00:40:54.540
The most amount of people who are in prison are men.
00:40:59.480
Police brutality, police killings, it impacts men most.
00:41:03.080
So, I mean, I think both men and women have their advantages and disadvantages, their struggles.
00:41:14.920
And everything I shared isn't to say that that's not true.
00:41:19.260
It's the concept of, it's the domination paradigm and masculine and feminine energy, like yin and yang, rather than just men and women.
00:41:28.100
And, like, everything I stand for is the opposite of, like, that polarization that feminism can get into.
00:41:33.600
It's, like, how do we ultimately come back together and understand that the patriarchy affects men just as much as women?
00:41:38.920
And capitalism and the patriarchy are, like, so intertwined.
00:41:42.320
And white supremacy, it's all, like, part of the same interlocking systems of oppression.
00:41:48.920
Yeah, I mean, I think that another, maybe another hot take, but I think that if you really look back throughout history,
00:41:56.640
certainly there were ways in which women were disadvantaged in ways men weren't.
00:42:02.480
I think the big one we can all think about is the right to vote, right?
00:42:06.060
For a while there, women did not have the right to vote.
00:42:08.860
And I think women certainly should have the right to vote.
00:42:11.500
But I think what you also have to look at is the broader context of history.
00:42:17.240
And it actually wasn't, so, for example, with the right to vote,
00:42:20.060
it actually wasn't that long before women got the right to vote
00:42:24.080
that just men, broadly speaking, they couldn't vote either.
00:42:28.500
At least, I mean, it breaks down different countries and stuff.
00:42:31.180
But in the U.S., you had to be a property owner.
00:42:33.640
And then also, one of the things that's often overlooked in this discussion is the draft.
00:42:40.800
So, would you guys agree that rights come with responsibilities?
00:42:49.320
So, one of the reasons men had the right to vote is because they were subject to the draft.
00:42:56.200
And to this day, men are still subject to the draft.
00:42:58.920
And you can say, well, there's probably not going to be another draft.
00:43:01.680
But, I mean, if you've seen what's going on in the world, things are not,
00:43:07.460
So, it's certainly plausible within the next 10 or 20 years,
00:43:15.760
Actually, they prevented men from leaving Ukraine.
00:43:18.960
If you were a man between 18 and 64, you had to stay, join the army, fight, and die here in 2022.
00:43:27.300
So, I think bringing it back to women's voting, women's suffrage,
00:43:33.880
there was, do any of you know what year it was?
00:43:45.160
So, does anyone know what happened just before, like in that few years before 1920?
00:44:05.600
But, so those men were allowed to vote, but they also were subject to the draft.
00:44:13.980
And, I think, in total, I don't know what the U.S. count is for World War I.
00:44:21.640
Probably a couple hundred thousand in World War I.
00:44:25.980
I think the total number, it was like 20, 30 million, maybe 20 million military casualties
00:44:38.260
So, as, as a man still today in 2022, for us to have the right to vote, we are subject
00:44:50.240
If we, if we don't, it's actually felony in the U.S. as a man to not be registered with
00:45:01.360
Well, I'm just saying, you're saying, you know, men are subject to the draft.
00:45:07.000
You know, it's a requirement if they're drafted.
00:45:12.320
You know, it was only like property owners, whatever.
00:45:24.520
Well, I would, I, it's not, I, it was men, but just because it was men, I don't think their
00:45:29.840
gender is necessarily related to the decisions that they made.
00:45:33.840
In the same way that the Supreme Court that gave you, gave, well, it's no longer the case,
00:45:39.680
but that gave us Roe v. Wade, my understanding is it was nine men who gave us the ruling on,
00:45:48.660
Like, the men gave the women permission to choose about our own body?
00:45:52.400
Well, and it was also, broadly speaking, I think at the time in the years leading up
00:45:57.780
to 1920, it was mostly men who were in the government.
00:46:00.840
And so, if there was a patriarchy, I would challenge you and say that if, if the patriarchy is men
00:46:10.260
in this cabal, this conspiracy to oppress women, then how could, why would they have enabled
00:46:22.380
I do not think the patriarchy is like men trying to suppress women.
00:46:33.720
Like, this concept of the patriarchy, this arbitrary word, it doesn't serve any of us.
00:46:42.060
So, maybe there's another word that we get to use and you mentioned capitalism and it's
00:46:59.060
But also, just really quickly on this note of war, like one, it's, it's, yeah, totally
00:47:04.820
here that the rights come with responsibility in this concept of like men being at war.
00:47:09.180
But while men are at war, women are often home birthing babies.
00:47:13.080
And like, that's not something that's, let's talk about the depth and challenge of that
00:47:18.060
and how that's vital to continue our species, right?
00:47:22.500
Ultimately, like, let's end all wars on the planet because that, it's not serving anyone.
00:47:30.200
And to just acknowledge that like, though men are fighting, women are at home caring for
00:47:34.500
children, birthing babies, surrendering to the cycles of their womb, and it's, it's
00:47:40.080
Like, well, I, I don't think anyone would disagree with you that war is bad.
00:47:49.080
But I do think it's ultimately the various conflicts that arise are very nuanced and very
00:48:08.060
I'm, I think it'd be certainly wonderful if there was no war.
00:48:11.800
And we could certainly divert a lot of our resources and spending into other things like researching
00:48:18.640
and science and technology instead of spending billions of dollars on a ship or something.
00:48:24.960
But it is kind of wishful thinking because, I mean, there are genuine threats that, I mean, whichever
00:48:32.540
country you're part of, there's genuine threats from other countries.
00:48:36.480
And the only way to hold them back is to have a military.
00:48:42.280
Hey, wouldn't it be great if there was no war, you know?
00:48:47.880
Why don't we bring it back to dating a little bit?
00:48:55.080
Actually, we'll do some super chats, some comments really quick.
00:49:07.480
Stifler, ask the ladies to rank themselves on a scale of 1 to 10.
00:49:17.800
Do you guys want to just, real quick, give your self-assessment?
00:49:22.620
I think I'm going to go with a solid 7.5 because, not just on looks, but, like, everything as a whole.
00:50:33.560
It just perpetuates, like, the whole, like, it just perpetuates, like, icky things.
00:50:40.380
And then people don't respect when you're confident about yourself.
00:50:53.020
Like, you know, like, we only have one body, one soul.
00:50:59.320
And like I said earlier, like, we are at such a good age right now, you know?
00:51:06.660
You know, you're going to look back in, like, years, and you're going to be like, wow,
00:51:10.600
I wish I wasn't as mean to myself, or I wish I, you know, that kind of stuff.
00:51:14.960
And so, you know, why is that a bad thing to love yourself and think you're the coolest?
00:51:22.020
So then I have the, it begets the question then, if you guys are tens, then do you deserve,
00:51:33.540
Do you then deserve a man, looks wise, who is a ten?
00:51:38.760
If you're a ten, then you surely must deserve a guy who's a ten, right?
00:51:44.640
Yeah, and we could choose any men, even if we don't feel like they're a ten, but I deserve
00:51:55.480
Yeah, like, personality makes up for a lot of it.
00:51:59.700
If they're really hot, but they have a horrible personality, it wipes it away completely.
00:52:05.220
Like, he's a ten, but he can't hold a conversation.
00:52:12.160
It's like, I've seen the videos on TikTok and stuff.
00:52:19.980
But, so didn't you guys just like, oh, that question's kind of icky, but you just said
00:52:26.300
that you play this game where you say he's a ten, but he wears flip-flops or whatever
00:52:36.440
I think we're not rating ourselves in front of people.
00:52:43.320
And then being questioned like, oh, you think you're a ten, but is it just some luck?
00:52:46.280
It's like, I feel like trying to get at something that is a little.
00:52:50.320
It wasn't me, Stifler, it was Stifler in the chat.
00:52:54.340
Hey, by the way, oh, that's weird, it's not chatting.
00:53:12.300
So, I was gonna ask, like, what do you think is, can you name a celebrity that you think
00:53:27.440
No, like a male, like who would be like, okay, this guy, like, looks-wise, we're kind of on
00:53:32.140
the same page, so, like, Jason Momoa, or Timothee Chalamet, or Jason Seagal, or...
00:53:52.140
Samantha, who's your looks-match male celebrity?
00:54:09.820
Okay, I can't think of one that I look alike, but I can think of one where I'm like, okay,
00:54:17.680
That would be like, you would say you're in the same attractiveness, or-
00:54:28.380
Well, I don't know, because someone, okay, well, this is just my personal-
00:54:36.560
You had a little, you had someone slide into your DMs, a blue check mark?
00:54:40.280
Yeah, I have had that, but I can't disclose who it is.
00:54:43.980
But no, I would say, off the top of my head, honestly, since you mentioned him, I do, I think
00:54:49.340
Timolee, Timothy, oh my, Timoye, Timothy Chamlete would be similar.
00:54:58.600
Because he, because he also has that kind of like, like, he's a bit different looking.
00:55:06.100
Like, it's not a very conventional, just one look.
00:55:18.980
This question still feels in the same vein as the other one.
00:55:23.200
It's a little, like, let's get deeper, because we're all deep here, I can feel it.
00:55:57.880
I think he's got kind of like a homey, like, comforting look.
00:56:07.160
Well, is that what you're saying about yourself?
00:56:09.440
Like, I think I'm, you know, like, when I look at him, he doesn't seem intimidating.
00:56:16.340
He's not like super male model, but he's good looking, you know.
00:56:31.120
Do you guys object to kind of like trying to categorize people in this way?
00:56:38.260
I think realistically, a lot of people rate other people and judge.
00:56:43.400
I mean, we all kind of judge people by their appearance, you know, how tall are they?
00:56:55.000
I don't really think there's anything wrong with rating someone or rating yourself.
00:57:01.900
It's actually funny because I was talking to this with my friend not too long ago.
00:57:05.240
You know, it's funny, like you say you want all these things, like you list out all these
00:57:09.260
things that would make someone a 10, but the person that you actually end up like dating
00:57:13.000
or loving, like a lot of that doesn't even matter.
00:57:16.880
Like you can't really, like for me personally, I have, like, unfortunately I cannot choose
00:57:22.000
who I've fallen in love with or who I've been in like long-term relationships with
00:57:26.380
and I've developed feelings for and all of those things that I've said, like I'd probably
00:57:30.940
rate that person like a six or a five, you know what I mean?
00:57:33.880
But I love them and that's, you know, I don't know.
00:57:38.160
So I think the whole thing of rating is like, it's only, it's such a superficial thing.
00:57:55.800
Because if we want to talk about numbers, if we, if we want to talk about numbers, I
00:58:03.880
mean, that's a measurement right there, like a literal measurement.
00:58:13.200
I need to be able to wear heels and you're still taller than me.
00:58:27.620
So in heels, you'll be about his height or probably taller than them, depending on the
00:58:32.340
I feel like I personally wouldn't, but I know people who would.
00:58:43.420
You know, I don't really, height's not a huge thing for me.
00:59:16.860
I think the shortest I've dated was five, eight, but to me, I mean, he was still taller than
00:59:27.000
No, but he was taller than me and I didn't really care.
00:59:30.540
So I guess hopefully that answers the question, but I dated a five, six king and it was amazing.
00:59:39.120
And I've also been with so many men and women that both shorter than me and taller than me
00:59:43.740
that I feel like less attached to the height, possibly from being with women as well and
00:59:50.680
But you mean, I'm also tall and it is nice to feel like held by someone who's taller.
01:00:04.900
Robert Lewandowski's wife says, Robert, what the F are you doing in California with these
01:00:15.080
So I guess, um, I think that's like the calculator for a hose.
01:00:22.760
Um, you knew, you knew it was the calculator for a hose.
01:00:25.880
Well, I'm familiar with the term three F O three O foe four.
01:00:30.040
Um, yeah, apparently people think I look like Robert Lewandowski.
01:01:03.360
I think that's why she's maybe I could be, um, console logger.
01:01:17.020
Um, so I'm not sure what the contact context of that is.
01:01:30.760
When I was like, am I saying I'm kind of single.
01:02:12.780
All humans, men and women, are dominant by nature.
01:02:19.820
I'm not, Steven, I don't know if I necessarily understand or agree with that.
01:02:28.860
Well, maybe we can say, is one gender more dominant?
01:02:42.420
Because I think broadly speaking, I'd say sexually speaking, most women take the submissive role.
01:02:49.640
I would not say most, at least in the circles I mean.
01:02:54.140
So you think most, then you, when I say most, I'm saying maybe like.
01:03:03.340
I think a lot of women are having to find themselves to be a bit more maybe assertive in certain situations.
01:03:10.640
Because we have a lot of guys just playing video games and.
01:03:20.060
Thank you, Stephen Krug with the $2 Super Chat.
01:03:38.680
We were talking about getting flown out at one point.
01:03:45.500
So, okay, have you ever been flown out or offered, has a guy ever, maybe in your DMs, dating app?
01:03:52.100
Maybe I just don't talk to guys like across the country, though.
01:04:12.780
And then, like, kind of, you know, a few weeks before, I kind of ghosted him because I met someone else.
01:04:20.280
So, and I still feel bad for it, but no regrets.
01:04:30.700
Any extravagant, maybe not flown out, but any extravagant offerings as far as a date goes?
01:04:46.180
I feel like I need to, like, know a person a little bit before we even go on the first date.
01:05:06.960
I think it really depends on the type of person that man is and on the type of person that women is because.
01:05:19.520
Or we could say average woman versus average man.
01:05:28.120
I think right now, in this day and age, it sucks more for women.
01:05:38.200
I feel like men are really, and this is just me.
01:05:41.640
Like, there could be a man out there who is, would do amazing things for me and has no bad intentions whatsoever,
01:05:47.360
but I feel like I've been treated, like, in my experience, very carelessly.
01:05:51.540
Um, in the sense where I've had a man, like, okay, put effort in maybe for a year, but once
01:05:58.540
that year is over, it's like, okay, um, I'm either going to cheat on you or I'm not going
01:06:04.800
to put effort into the relationship, but I'm not even going to tell you that I'm not interested
01:06:08.780
So it's up to me to get up and leave and same thing.
01:06:12.900
And same thing with even just on dates, like got, like, even if you're just dating and you're
01:06:16.640
not really in a relationship, I feel like guys don't have, like, for me, if I don't
01:06:22.660
like you, you'll know, and I'll tell you, but guys have this weird, yeah.
01:06:26.700
I mean, like, I guess if I don't want to go on a date with someone, I will say straight
01:06:33.340
And they know that they're not going to go on a date with me.
01:06:35.320
They know that they're not going to see me again.
01:06:37.300
But with guys, I feel like it gets, like, they could lead you on for so long and then
01:06:46.480
Or they're seeing someone I've had, I've had a guy and I maybe saw him for four months
01:06:51.720
and he was seeing someone else the entire time.
01:07:01.900
Was there an understanding that you guys were going to be monogamous?
01:07:04.140
Yeah, there was a mutual understanding where I completely thought that he was only seeing
01:07:09.640
So, and I think also like the dating app, social media, it all plays a role in it.
01:07:13.760
They think that they have so many people at their disposal at all times and they forget.
01:07:25.120
But I think because of those things and because that's been so normalized, I think it does suck
01:07:32.100
more for women now because I do want to get treated nice.
01:07:36.340
Like, just like the same effort that I'm putting in a relationship, I want that back.
01:07:39.580
And for some reason, guys can't really, they don't even have that decency.
01:07:52.660
So your firsthand experience has not been great.
01:07:59.080
And then I've also had guys who are amazing and I'm sure that they would treat me amazing,
01:08:10.960
And so you're just, you're not attracted to them.
01:08:16.320
Well, isn't it interesting that the guys that you end up with or that you're attracted
01:08:24.500
to happen to be the guys that you say they're not treating you well or they're kind of playing
01:08:33.360
Right, or they don't fall in line with standards, things like that.
01:08:36.940
It's almost like a, I do like a bit of a chase.
01:09:09.580
Well, I was just going to, I was going to ask, you mentioned that there were guys who
01:09:16.360
And you had the impression that they would actually be perfectly dutiful boyfriends.
01:09:26.660
Do you think that, do you think there's a way to reconcile that to being like, well,
01:09:33.700
And I've heard like the term, like I've heard the term, like you don't always end up with
01:09:44.100
I don't agree with the idea of a soulmate either, but I guess it was the idea like,
01:09:49.200
okay, if you're going to be with someone in a very long-term thing, like such as marriage,
01:09:53.700
like be with someone that, you know, for the long-term is going to be good for you versus
01:10:06.120
Um, is the biggest problem that you're encountering with the men that you're attracted to and
01:10:15.780
that you're dating, you said there was like a guy for four months, maybe there was a guy
01:10:19.740
for a year is the biggest thing that you're encountering that they are not really committing
01:10:26.280
Like they're players and they're just, there's other women in the picture.
01:10:30.760
But also to what you said, playing the game is a big thing because when I don't play the
01:10:36.580
But when I do play the game, I noticed that I almost can kind of curate a relationship
01:10:47.320
When you're playing the game, what does that mean?
01:10:48.820
Like, let's say they message, they text me, like, I'm not going to respond right away.
01:10:52.800
I'm going to make them think that I have better things.
01:10:55.540
I mean, obviously I do have better things to do than respond to them, but I'm going to make
01:10:58.580
them think that I could care less whether I see them again or whether I think,
01:11:06.080
It's like, I need them to know that I don't need them more than they need me.
01:11:12.360
And that's a part of the game a little bit because guys, when they feel, I don't know,
01:11:20.940
I feel like when they feel like, oh, woman is, oh my God, she's investing all this time
01:11:26.840
They get really intimidated and they start to sort of run away from you and they feel insecure.
01:11:30.960
So now they're talking to other women and they're doing anything they can to run away
01:11:36.480
from either having feelings for you if they do or having the responsibility of letting
01:11:52.700
So well said, you put that into words so beautifully and yes, energies that I've felt so deeply
01:11:59.860
But to answer this question, well, I feel like we're assuming heteronormativity.
01:12:04.340
So just to present that when the question is dating suck more from a woman.
01:12:08.680
Yeah, let's, I mean, yeah, we can keep it just within the confines of straight.
01:12:12.660
Um, I kind of have two answers to this because I feel like in, uh, I love being a woman and
01:12:19.140
I love, yeah, being a woman who's dating and single and like just in my central expression.
01:12:23.720
And I feel that, um, even with the unsafety of women in some situations and just the, the
01:12:31.200
misogyny, et cetera, I feel that there's this like pulse of the goddess that men feel.
01:12:45.420
When I say the goddess, it's like this energy that's within all of us for sure.
01:12:49.320
But it's this like feminine radiance that men or anyone can feel.
01:12:59.340
Like the concept, if we're going to like break it down a bit, it's like how women can get
01:13:03.620
in free at many clubs and men can't kind of thing.
01:13:13.940
So is goddess like a physical, like they're just.
01:13:26.620
She's a bit, she's a bit shy, but she's a goddess.
01:13:31.280
So in my subjective answer, two answers that in the mainstream communities, I feel like
01:13:37.460
And there's like a lot of, there's pressure and like, there's, Oh, how do I, you know,
01:13:45.080
But in the spiritual circles that I'm in, I feel like, as I was saying at the beginning,
01:13:49.780
there's this like limited amount of conscious men.
01:13:52.500
And so it sucks more for women who are looking for men, but like for myself, who's into men
01:13:58.460
But as I am calling right now, my life partner into my field, who I, I do want to be a man.
01:14:04.020
I feel this, this thing of like, there are so many conscious women out there and all
01:14:07.680
these men who are like taken by the conscious women, but there are a finite amount of conscious
01:14:13.180
And there are so many more that are like waking up and growing and yeah.
01:14:17.520
So that question has like a few different answers based on the circles that you're in.
01:14:29.980
If they really wanted to like just go on a date with a random guy, like they could easily
01:14:35.360
But like, we're also subject to like, not like fear, but you don't know the guy.
01:14:42.120
And then like, I don't know, it's a little scarier for women, but maybe I could see like
01:14:47.320
for men, it's harder to find like a girl that will agree to go on a date with them.
01:14:58.100
I feel like dating is definitely hard in this digital age.
01:15:02.680
I think a lot of things are more superficial on both sides.
01:15:12.240
I'd say there definitely is a lot more, I don't know more, but there is a lot of pressure
01:15:21.880
So like paying for the first date, for example.
01:15:33.740
It sounded like you had a few other things to add to that.
01:15:36.280
I definitely think there's pressure on both sides.
01:15:59.280
Well, I mean, just as I said that, I was like, is there, but I mean, like I want, if I'm with
01:16:04.740
a man, like he needs to go down on me before he needs to, he needs to, he needs to, like
01:16:10.500
to, he needs to like fully like worship me as a goddess, taste my yoni before entering
01:16:48.320
Must the first time, like in a sexual experience.
01:17:28.600
And to just like bring some sacredness to the realms of sexuality.
01:17:37.960
But I just need to know like, hey, you're worshiping me as a goddess.
01:17:40.660
And like you see me before you're trying to enter me without like looking and really like honoring this portal.
01:18:04.760
And he's like, listen, rather wait until we're in.
01:18:19.180
I'll do that, but I want to be in a relationship with you first.
01:18:26.720
Like we're just going to kiss and do nothing else.
01:18:45.500
Crystal wands are my favorite because you like feel that energy deeply.
01:18:49.300
But if he was like, I'm not into that, then that would be a total red flag.
01:18:59.440
If you're like, I'm not into going down on you.
01:19:05.260
So it's important to me that you are willing to worship this part of me.
01:19:19.460
But I feel like red flag sort of, red flag is like, this would be an indicator that there's
01:19:28.420
To me, that'd more so be like a lack of matching on a preference.
01:19:37.780
It depends how, how you define what a red flag is.
01:19:40.240
I wouldn't, if a girl is like, hey, I don't really like doing that.
01:19:42.700
It's not, it wouldn't be a red flag where I'm like, okay, there's something else wrong
01:19:47.340
You know, because you can look at a red flag like in a behavior and be like, okay, they
01:20:01.500
No, but I totally respect, that's totally your preference.
01:20:04.820
Well, and on that note too, it's like, if a girl said, I don't want to go down on a
01:20:10.840
man, I don't think that's a red flag because we, and the reason for that.
01:20:16.000
And if I think of how many men in high school that I just went down on and they never like,
01:20:20.980
like got anywhere near my yoni unless they were going to like go inside of me.
01:20:23.980
Did you refer to it to a yoni when you were in high school?
01:20:29.960
So it's like, we already covered this earlier in the topic of like the, the double standards
01:20:36.960
So maybe there's sexual trauma that would prevent a woman from going down on a man to
01:20:40.700
like enjoy that and, and it, and feel like she's in the worship of it.
01:20:44.980
So you're saying there was like a past history where the man was not reciprocating thus in,
01:20:51.920
in her future relationships, it's not, it might bring up trauma for a woman to be going
01:20:57.820
down on a man because it could bring up trauma from a time when it, she felt like she had
01:21:06.060
I think that it depends on if they want to be in a deep relationship together.
01:21:10.060
If they do, then yes, they get to work with that and it can shift.
01:21:17.260
But I'm just trying to understand the whole red flag, if the guy doesn't want to go down
01:21:27.700
If the girl doesn't want to go down on the guy.
01:21:30.060
So the reason that I use this term red flag and if a guy doesn't want to go down on a
01:21:38.020
It's like in my realm, I want to be met by someone who's like ready to fully meet me there.
01:21:44.380
Sure. And the reason that I say it's a red flag, if he's like, I'm just not into that
01:21:47.660
ever, then I would get curious about what in this person's reality is making them afraid
01:22:01.720
But I'm just trying to understand the double standard component.
01:22:08.380
It's totally, if the girl doesn't want to go down on the guy, fine.
01:22:14.380
But if the guy doesn't want to go down on the girl, not fine.
01:22:17.580
And are you speaking just for you or are you speaking like for all women?
01:22:25.300
So ultimately the double standards do get to die, right?
01:22:31.000
Maybe there is a man and woman, neither of them want to be going down on, right?
01:22:34.160
So we all get to like have our sexual preferences.
01:22:35.900
It's not about like, this is what, this is what sex should be.
01:22:38.960
No, it's like we get to explore that and find our matches with others.
01:22:42.020
So that's why I was like, for me, it's a red flag, but the double standard,
01:22:47.400
as we're coming out of this space of like inequality between men and women,
01:22:53.320
there's also a big orgasm gap and men often just not all men,
01:22:58.020
but often just like coming really quickly and women not.
01:23:01.500
And of course that can be totally flipped, you know,
01:23:03.680
so not making blatant statements, but there is this orgasm gap.
01:23:06.360
And it's important that that also gets to be acknowledged and healed.
01:23:09.820
And so there's a book called She Comes First that I would highly recommend
01:23:15.200
And it talks about the pleasures of giving cunnilingus
01:23:17.380
and really having that as a way to like soften, open, relax before penetration happens.
01:23:24.680
Like, especially when you mentioned high school, like high school sexual relations.
01:23:28.360
Like I knew boys that didn't even know girls could finish.
01:23:33.860
Like it's so, it's so foreign to them when they're exploring their sexuality.
01:23:39.340
Like it's very centered around the male experience.
01:23:41.940
And I remember, I remember, you know, when you're, when you're hooking up with a guy,
01:23:46.920
you know, in high school, you're pretty new to things.
01:23:49.300
Like you're like, okay, I have to give him oral sex, but you never expect it back.
01:23:55.240
Like at least in my experience and in my friends' experiences.
01:23:57.660
And a lot of the times I would hear, oh, like from guys, like, oh, a girl has to go down on me,
01:24:10.500
Like I can't speak for everyone, but it's something I've heard so many times
01:24:16.000
And that's definitely affected the female sexual experience.
01:24:19.440
Like I know that women, by the time it comes, when a man goes down on her,
01:24:24.600
they feel uncomfortable or gross or like icky or self-conscious.
01:24:28.920
And that's a very common thing that, you know, I feel like generally males don't share.
01:24:40.960
It's such a hard thing because I feel the same way.
01:24:42.900
I didn't even realize, um, I was like, oh, it'll never happen to me.
01:24:49.240
Well, like I, like me and like a whole group of girls were talking and they were like,
01:24:57.300
Like I completely thought I was not capable of having an orgasm.
01:25:07.300
And then, um, I was able to do it to myself, but even when a guy would try, it was like,
01:25:15.660
There was no way I could relax enough for that to even happen.
01:25:18.560
And I still like, that's still a struggle today.
01:25:24.740
There's a lot of guys who just don't know what they're doing, but then there's also a lot
01:25:31.160
And then there's a lot of guys in when they don't take the time with me, there's no way
01:25:37.620
And then that is frustrating for me because we're not even, I mean, yeah, we're both
01:25:42.640
having fun, but you experience something completely different.
01:25:54.560
And relaxation is the first, the first step to orgasm experience safety and relaxation.
01:26:03.180
I also think like I get the awkwardness, like I've only, I haven't had sex like that
01:26:30.600
Um, but yeah, I feel like a lot of guys, like once they're done, they don't really care
01:26:41.000
Once he's done, like he's just like, okay, here's the towel.
01:26:55.640
No, we can't, you know, there's, there's hands.
01:27:00.900
When you run your sexuality and have full body organs.
01:27:04.280
If you're doing the meditation, you can, you can bust three nuts in a row.
01:27:09.440
But 99% of men, they come like there's a refractory period, at least like they're out of the game
01:27:20.940
Men's defense, but there's, but I agree with her.
01:27:27.240
I'm, if I'm with a girl, she's coming first at least a couple of times, if I can do it.
01:27:33.620
Cause it's like, if I can do it at least a couple of times, like a baseball game, you know?
01:27:38.900
I'm not thinking of it in that terms, but like.
01:27:52.960
Deal breaker if a guy doesn't want to go down on you.
01:27:57.320
Well, are they not going down on me because they're not comfortable with me yet?
01:28:09.700
Maybe some guys just don't like it, but it's not a gross thing.
01:28:18.780
It could also just be that they want to wait until they're more serious with you.
01:28:27.500
They're like, well, for that, I'd rather wait until I'm, you know, in a relationship.
01:28:34.680
So, yeah, I feel like I can't expect to have my boundaries respected if I don't respect their boundaries as well.
01:28:46.160
If they're uncomfortable, you know, then I have to respect that.
01:28:52.140
But I would be a little uneasy if they made that clear with me and then asked me to give them oral sex.
01:29:02.080
So, yeah, that's a tricky, that's a tricky one.
01:29:10.480
But, like, hopefully in the future, like, if we get to know each other more than he would.
01:29:26.100
Number two, of course, I'll respect it, but is that something that's going to be a forever thing?
01:29:30.600
Because if it is, then what is, like, I can't really see a relationship where that's not happening because, I mean, like, I guess I could ask the guy the same question.
01:29:43.880
Could you see a relationship with me if I didn't want to do that to you?
01:29:48.300
I'm curious when you said, like, people want to just do that in a relationship, are these people that you're talking about, they're, like, they want to have just, like, penetrative sex, but not do oral sex?
01:29:59.460
So, yeah, I mean, I suppose that they say for this sexual act, giving head, I'd want to wait until I'm in a relationship, but maybe they say, okay, well, sex is fine, but maybe this, maybe they view oral as more intimate in a way, and in some ways it is, than penetrative sex.
01:30:24.660
Wait, so in the scenario, is the guy telling her to go down on him or no?
01:30:28.100
I mean, that's certainly something that could be negotiated.
01:30:31.300
I don't necessarily think that if one partner in a relationship has a preference or boundary, that then the other partner then has to say, well, if you won't do it for me, I won't do it for you.
01:30:46.080
Because to me, that seems a bit, I understand it.
01:30:49.720
I would understand it, but I don't think it should necessarily preclude you from wanting to do it in the same way that, like, I'm trying to think of an example here.
01:31:00.080
If a guy, hmm, let me ask, who here would be not interested in having anal sex?
01:31:24.360
Okay, so, but that's a scenario where, let's say the guy wanted it, though, but you didn't want it, right?
01:31:38.400
You're like, I don't want to do it, and then that's how it is, you know?
01:31:41.720
So, but that wouldn't necessarily, I feel like this isn't a great example.
01:31:45.840
But I don't think it necessarily, like, I don't think it has to be a situation where you're like, you won't do this, so I won't do that.
01:31:59.240
Yeah, like, you could, if the guy had, like, he just genuinely did not like doing it, maybe he had a neck problem.
01:32:08.520
But that's why it's the red flag, because if he genuinely doesn't like it, what, is he afraid of women?
01:32:17.000
Like, what is he afraid of, would be my question.
01:32:19.680
And so, if, and because this is, I have leg hair, and I've been with a lot of men who, that freaks them out.
01:32:25.480
Wait, do you want to, to the camera, do you want to show?
01:32:38.180
She's, okay, so you're, you're a, nature, there's a term for it.
01:32:52.320
So, for my thing, with the red flag thing, it was, like, and I brought up the leg hair,
01:32:56.540
because if a man, and I've been with men who are, like, I can't because of your leg hair,
01:33:05.620
And I've been with men who are, like, this is new for me.
01:33:07.960
I've never been with a woman who has this much leg hair, and it can bring up X, Y, Z.
01:33:12.880
But if I'm with a man who's willing to, like, work with that, the fears arise, and maybe they
01:33:19.160
Maybe they feel confused about their sexuality or confused about gender.
01:33:21.880
And if they're willing to, like, work with that, and then can, like, lean into the turn-on
01:33:27.680
And similarly with cunnilingus, if someone was, like, I'm not into that, but I'm willing
01:33:32.660
to work with that fear and lean into it, then it's, like, okay, I'm down.
01:33:38.740
When is the last time that you shaved your legs?
01:33:49.980
Because I shaved my head, like, six years ago, and I started going on my body hair, and that
01:33:54.700
was, like, reversing feminine beauty standards.
01:34:05.880
Okay, so, what was the question about the head thing?
01:34:14.640
Well, you said, you were asking, like, well, what is the hesitation there from men?
01:34:20.220
It was, like, you know, that's why I said it was a red flag, if they're, like, never.
01:34:27.260
It's not just a, you know, something along those lines.
01:34:30.220
But, I mean, I would ask the panel, ask the girls, do you guys give enthusiastic blowjobs?
01:34:38.200
You're not, like, because some girls are grossed out by giving head.
01:35:03.980
And it's a, it's a shared, it's a shared experience instead of more of a chore or more, yeah.
01:35:14.420
Yeah, like, if he did it to me, then I would be, like, more than happy to do it for him.
01:35:34.500
Like, it just depends how good the connection is.
01:35:36.980
Yeah, it depends on the connection and how comfortable I am and how enthusiastic I am.
01:35:40.600
Because if I'm not enthusiastic, I'm sure you'll know.
01:35:47.740
For me, it used to feel like a chore, but it's, like, become this reverence for the cock
01:35:54.440
and this, like, deep, just, like, wow, like, thank you for this, this, yeah, energy that
01:36:01.560
And so I feel like I find a lot more pleasure in it now, but it's taken so much healing around
01:36:05.220
the masculine for me to not feel repulsed and, like, it's a chore.
01:36:09.120
So, yeah, it's taken time and it's not with every man that I feel that, like, pleasure,
01:36:36.440
But, so, me personally, I have not gone down on a girl since the Bush administration.
01:36:56.900
I'm not saying it couldn't be possible in the future.
01:37:00.960
You know, maybe the right girl, she's really great.
01:37:32.600
And so, at first, I used to be, like, well, I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship
01:37:43.160
So, the current dating meta, and we sort of talked about this before.
01:37:47.080
The current dating meta is when you're meeting someone new, you have to assume they're sleeping
01:37:59.260
I mean, you can ask, but if you're just meeting this person, there's not a guarantee that they're
01:38:07.000
So, you have to assume they're sleeping with someone else.
01:38:09.720
Me, personally, the thought of, okay, if I'm going down on a girl, and a guy fucked her
01:38:35.940
But so, for me, the dating meta, as it is, people have so many options.
01:38:43.440
Like, you know, you've got to assume they're fucking somebody else.
01:38:52.520
And you can't assume that they'd be honest with you.
01:39:07.080
So, you would have a problem going down on a woman if she fucked a man yesterday, but not
01:39:17.060
Well, I would still probably have an issue if she had, having sex with her, if she fucked
01:39:26.720
Now, granted, of course, like, if we're not in a relationship, I mean, to me, at the end
01:39:33.900
of the day, it's still, to me, it's still gross.
01:39:36.000
It's like a, I would be disgusted by the thought of that.
01:39:43.300
So, the thought that I'm sleeping with somebody and they just fucked somebody seven hours ago,
01:39:52.220
And I certainly don't think that's unreasonable.
01:39:54.720
And I certainly wouldn't find it unreasonable if a woman was like, oh, okay, like, you just
01:40:00.160
fucked, you just fucked another girl yesterday, okay, I don't know.
01:40:06.760
I do think it's a bit different between men and women, but, but yeah.
01:40:12.660
But on that, the nuance of, like, going down on her versus being inside of her.
01:40:18.420
I mean, well, one, if you're having sex, condoms, I mean, that's, would diminish it a
01:40:34.060
You might be able to convince me, but I just, that's not, I don't know.
01:40:37.660
To me, it's like, in the same way, it's like, sex without a condom is better, I would imagine,
01:40:44.700
for a woman, it's probably going to be much more of a turn-on if it's, there's not this
01:40:50.420
piece of plastic that's just fucking, like, saran wrap over the clit, you know?
01:40:55.760
So, I mean, that might actually be a scenario where I'd be more open to it, bust out a dent.
01:41:05.200
I don't have a dental dam, but I do have a female condom.
01:41:19.560
Let's say you're hooking up with a guy first time, and you're like, Chad.
01:42:03.560
Is it like a disposable diaphragm kind of thing?
01:42:06.720
It's the same thing as a condom, but bigger, I guess.
01:42:11.540
I feel like that wouldn't be pleasurable for men.
01:42:31.940
I feel like the whole thing would be ruined just trying to figure it out.
01:42:35.500
Wouldn't this not feel pleasurable either because there's still something?
01:42:38.700
I feel like, because, because with the condom, it's pretty skin tight.
01:42:47.040
Like, I feel like that would be more crumpled in a way.
01:42:55.060
It's more just, that shit would be funny as fuck.
01:43:00.080
Because a sponge, like, covers your cervix, or a diaphragm covers your cervix, so then
01:43:09.820
But yeah, I guess a dental dam could be doable, I guess, maybe.
01:43:22.640
But if, like, I really liked her, you know, maybe she can convince me on Valentine's Day,
01:43:36.260
I mean, it's been, like, a decade and a half, so.
01:43:45.280
So you, for that decade and a half, you've had that same, you've never been in a serious
01:43:52.780
I've been in multiple long-term serious relationships.
01:43:58.760
Because I feel like your main problem was, oh, I don't know if she fucked someone yesterday.
01:44:05.580
One of the reasons why, and this is one of the reasons why I'd actually recommend
01:44:12.960
I'd recommend men not do it the first time you're with a girl.
01:44:17.480
Like, unless you've established that you guys are monogamous, you have to assume, and
01:44:22.540
girls can assume this too about men, that they're fucking somebody else.
01:44:33.580
Well, I do think, okay, so I do think it is a bit different between men and women, but
01:44:37.000
most men, like, have a very, unless they're cucks, they have a, they're going to have
01:44:43.960
an issue with a woman who's, like, fucking a bunch of other men.
01:44:49.960
I don't think that's a particularly controversial take.
01:44:52.800
Well, if you're in the polyamory community and you're consciously communicating about all
01:44:56.660
the other men that you're sleeping with and they know each other and they're brothers,
01:45:01.060
Yeah, but, I mean, that's, most men, most women are told normies.
01:45:06.940
If you look, the vast majority of people, you ask most women, no, disagree.
01:45:12.760
It's cool to get into those, not just the, you know.
01:45:15.540
Yeah, but it's like, the exception doesn't make the rule, you know.
01:45:21.560
There are men that want to be cucked and have, like, another guy come in and, like, fuck
01:45:24.500
his girl, but, like, most men are going to have a serious issue with that.
01:45:33.760
Well, we can ask the table, and, again, I do also, before I go around, I do acknowledge
01:45:38.880
it is a bit different between men and women, but do you, do you have an issue with men who
01:45:46.940
are promiscuous, or would you, would you rather date a guy who's not promiscuous, or would
01:45:52.160
you rather, I'm not framing this question right, do you have, if a guy had, before you, if
01:45:58.160
a guy had slept with a hundred women, is that an issue for you?
01:46:03.480
Well, I think there's a broader underlying message to that.
01:46:08.320
Like, if you sleep with a hundred women, how do you really perceive women, and how are you
01:46:12.720
going to perceive me, you know, because that's a lot, you know.
01:46:16.740
So, you're going to be number 101, you're very special.
01:46:24.840
Yeah, I feel like that conveys a deeper message, and I'd be a little more uneasy.
01:46:31.000
You're seeing a guy, you like this guy, maybe it's a first, second date, you find out that
01:46:35.400
in the previous seven days, he slept with four other women.
01:46:39.380
Do you think that the likelihood, it's certainly plausible that that could turn into a fruitful
01:46:46.740
and long-term loving relationship, but just like your gut instinct, if you find out a guy
01:46:53.200
had slept with four other women, and he's about to go on a date with you, he slept with four
01:47:02.280
Like, are we first meeting on this date, or have we been talking?
01:47:04.640
Whatever the scenario, let's say the first, second, or third date, so it's pretty new.
01:47:11.440
But he's entertaining other options, so you're probably going to think, okay, I'm just going
01:47:20.580
He's probably not a good bet for long-term commitment.
01:47:24.440
Maybe if you just want to have fun, fine, who cares, right?
01:47:27.180
But even then, some women might be like, okay, that's a problem.
01:47:33.240
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way, but people have their past, like, I don't know if they
01:47:39.060
were, like, going through something, and they used sex as, like, a means of making themselves
01:47:45.440
Like, I know people who go through that, or, like, people who are, like, celebrities, or,
01:47:48.780
like, high-profile people, I'm going to assume that they, like, have hooked up with other
01:47:56.200
Would you take quarrel with a guy you're interested in potentially dating, would it
01:48:03.360
be, like, a deal-breaker, a red flag, or just a non-starter, if you knew that he had, he
01:48:09.500
was a player, he's slept with a bunch of women?
01:48:18.380
But, I mean, you admitted to your number, your two body count, so, I mean, that's, how
01:48:27.880
I mean, that's, I'm not going to lie, that's pretty low for, and that's a, I would say that's
01:48:35.120
a good thing, but why don't you come in on this?
01:48:41.340
It's not, I wouldn't say it's a red flag for me.
01:48:43.580
It's more, the number, to me, is less important.
01:48:46.320
It's more of, like, how are you showing up with me in this moment?
01:48:56.040
And I've slept with a lot of people as well, and also being in the sacred sexuality world,
01:49:01.000
and it's, there's, like, yeah, just this sharing of erotic energy that can happen in a conscious
01:49:07.340
way that's beautiful, and so I'm open to that, I'm here for that.
01:49:10.580
But it's, like, if the person's coming in with an energy that I'm, it's also, like, what
01:49:20.280
But do I want, you know, someone who's going to, like, really care for me, and we can go
01:49:29.500
If a guy is sleeping with a lot of other women, I'm going to automatically assume that that's
01:49:36.880
Like, what are you going to, why do you want to have sex with me, then, if you're having
01:49:45.260
Yeah, like, are you going to go to another girl's house right after?
01:49:47.700
So, I mean, I guess I just have little regard for it.
01:49:53.880
Like, I just, yeah, like, why are you talking to me?
01:49:57.920
You have other women that you can sleep with, or, but I guess it's, like, I don't know,
01:50:01.880
like, if a guy is trying to show interest in me and actually wants to take me seriously,
01:50:09.560
But then I have to ask the question, like, okay, are you still having sex with all these
01:50:14.880
Like, like, if they are, like, why would I take them seriously?
01:50:18.740
What would make me want to take them seriously?
01:50:22.940
Yeah, I feel like in the beginning, you, you, what you said, like, you can kind of assume
01:50:26.740
that might not be the case every time, but, wait, where was I going with this?
01:50:41.140
That, okay, low body count girls are more attractive, and that's just interesting because it just
01:50:45.580
plays in, but see, it plays into this, um, this concept that, like, if you, ah, it's
01:50:52.380
like, you know, either you're, show more chat, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on just a
01:51:03.020
Um, yeah, it plays into this, like, the prude slut scale that, like, either, like, you know,
01:51:09.120
like, oh, you've only slept with a few people, and then, then it's like, okay, now I'm into
01:51:12.140
that, but, but, like, it has to be the right amount of people.
01:51:15.720
It can't be too little, because then it's like, oh, like, you're a prude, and you've
01:51:18.980
only, you haven't slept with a few people, but it's too many.
01:51:21.340
Wait, do you mean in heterosexual, like, dynamic?
01:51:31.420
Because you're going to shame women for exploring their sexuality, like.
01:51:36.060
It's not, it's not about shaming, it's about having a preference.
01:51:39.300
Yeah, but it's a lot, like, you're seeing a woman as a, a good, you know?
01:51:45.320
Okay, well, well, think of it this way, like, I feel like a lot of men, like, are kind of
01:51:53.060
very into, like, the concept of, like, taking a woman's virginity, like, oh, she's pure, she's
01:51:59.680
And that also goes into, like, the whole shaving thing.
01:52:02.760
Like, from a very young age, I always thought that was so strange.
01:52:07.120
Like, you need to be bald everywhere, like a child.
01:52:21.160
Because I don't, I don't think a man having a preference for a woman who has shaved legs,
01:52:25.280
or who prefers a woman who's maybe more innocent, has a lower body count, is somehow.
01:52:56.460
Normal is created by the broad consensus of culture and society.
01:53:02.600
From centuries and centuries ago, where only men had say.
01:53:17.780
Let's not go back into the misogyny patriarchy stuff, because we already sort of talked about
01:53:21.900
But just real quick on this topic of the shrinking and the low body count thing, I love that you
01:53:26.920
brought that up, because it does play into the shrinking of women, like the hairlessness
01:53:49.000
Do you guys have a preference for men's facial hair?
01:54:13.000
But if he has like a mustache, that's fine too.
01:54:40.140
Well, are you trying to compare facial hair to pubic hair?
01:54:48.520
No, I know, but women are free to have a pubic hair preference.
01:54:56.860
The beard thing, it's a fair thing to talk about like leg hair and the bearded hair.
01:55:00.860
Because a lot of women don't like a full beard.
01:55:10.000
But there are also some women who say, I really like a beard.
01:55:14.820
But I'd say overwhelmingly, I think it's, they probably, I'm sure they've done studies on this.
01:55:19.240
It's probably majority of women, so over 50%, that do prefer clean shaven.
01:55:25.120
But okay, this concept of men being attracted to innocence, it's interesting.
01:55:28.680
Because then it, it is that, just reinforcing that double standard of like, oh, so men can have sex with a bunch of women because then they're experienced.
01:55:36.380
And it, it's, it's, I mean, literally women used to not be able to get married to a man, like when arranged marriages and stuff, if they weren't a virgin, right?
01:55:54.120
No, I, you ask most men, they're not, they're certainly not expecting women to be virgins in this day and age.
01:56:02.420
Maybe unless you're like very religious, you're Christian, Muslim, et cetera.
01:56:07.540
But there are reasons for, there are reasons intellectually, and then there's also biological and evolutionary reasons why men prefer women with a lower body count.
01:56:22.960
I can, no, I can go, I'll go in, I can go into it.
01:56:25.640
So, and what, would you guys agree that men and women are attracted to different things?
01:56:39.740
Well, but okay, let's speak within the confines of heteronormativity.
01:56:43.280
I don't know why we would have to do that, though, because like so many, like there's such a spectrum of sexuality.
01:56:47.600
Well, it's, well, it's certainly clear that a man who's,
01:56:51.960
he's attracted to men, a gay man, but what he's attracted to in the partner is certainly different than,
01:57:00.560
or could be different than what a man is attracted to in a woman.
01:57:05.800
Right, and there are men who are attracted to men and women, or maybe mostly men.
01:57:10.880
Mostly women, but a few men, like there's just so many options.
01:57:13.800
I'm not saying that these people, that, that doesn't exist, but I think, you know, we are the, broadly speaking about the vast majority of people are heterosexual.
01:57:24.880
And so that's kind of what we're talking about.
01:57:26.420
I mean, we can go into the nuance of men dating men.
01:57:37.040
There's all those dynamics in the gay community.
01:57:40.780
I mean, there's, there's a lot of nuance, but for this, we're, we are generally sticking to just heterosexual discussion.
01:57:49.700
So the question is, are men and women attracted to different things?
01:57:52.960
So are men and, yes, are men and women attracted to the same things, or are they attracted to different things?
01:58:05.320
In other words, are the physical characteristics and are the personality traits that you find attractive in men?
01:58:12.560
Do men find those same things attractive in women?
01:58:16.680
And my answer to that would be no, but I want to open it up to the panel and see your take.
01:58:27.060
Are men and women attracted to the same things?
01:58:29.920
I think everyone is attracted to different things.
01:58:33.480
I think not one person could say the same thing as the next.
01:58:36.820
So I can't answer the question because there's no right way to answer that.
01:58:42.020
There's like, well, everyone has their own preferences.
01:58:46.180
Like my preferences are a hundred percent different than yours.
01:58:49.820
Um, but they also could vary from yours or yours, whether I was interested in a man or a woman or whatever it was, my preferences would still probably differ from someone else's in some sort of way.
01:59:04.480
But we, we can look broadly speaking at certain things.
01:59:09.880
Like you could say, for example, broadly speaking, women like men who are taller than them.
01:59:17.400
I don't think that's a necessarily controversial statement.
01:59:24.720
So I guess if we're saying like, okay, yeah, a guy would want, maybe a girl, like most men would say they want a girl who's shorter than them.
01:59:35.260
Even though I, and I don't even care about height.
01:59:37.860
But if we're, if that's, I guess what you're trying to imply, then.
01:59:55.940
But there could be someone else who would say yes.
02:00:04.240
If you ask most women, most women are probably going to say, I want a guy who's taller than me.
02:00:07.720
And I would, this is often a common one, but I'd want a guy who is physically bigger than me.
02:00:23.260
Or, okay, we could talk about personality traits too, I think.
02:00:31.980
But, like, like I said, like, maybe another girl, like, like, maybe, maybe, okay, even if only 30% of women would date a guy who is physically smaller than them, that 30%, that definitely still counts.
02:00:50.080
The question is simply, do men and women like different things, or do they like the same things?
02:00:55.480
Yeah, and I want to make it clear, like, I'm speaking in generalities here.
02:00:59.100
It's clear that there's, people have different preferences, different orientations.
02:01:03.600
So, certainly there's women who don't care about height.
02:01:07.140
But if you lined up, say, 100 women, and you asked all of them, hey, would you rather date a guy who's taller than you?
02:01:18.840
Okay, and a broad, like, generally speaking, men and women do, like, different things.
02:01:25.300
I feel like women are more emotionally driven, and men tend to be more physically driven.
02:01:35.080
But that's just, I feel like women have more emotional needs innately, and men have more physical needs.
02:01:41.840
But when in a relationship, you know, you have one goal of love.
02:01:54.300
And her, like, they all have different preferences.
02:02:00.360
So, I'm trying to recall, oh, we were talking about, like, body count, and that sort of thing, in a sense and stuff.
02:02:06.920
And so, I think for, again, we're speaking generally, broadly, I think, I do think most men, most women, they're like, I don't want to date a person that's just run through a bunch of people.
02:02:23.120
But I do think men have a greater stake or greater desire in wanting a partner that has a low body count.
02:02:34.280
Because men value, again, generally, broadly speaking, you ask most men, most men are going to tell you they value sexual purity.
02:02:43.880
Now, the days of, again, unless you're highly religious, the days of, you know, a girl being a virgin, that's, you know, that's pretty much gone.
02:03:06.240
It just reinforces, if we go back to the patriarchy, we won't go there, but I just feel that it reinforces, yeah, like, this misogynistic concept.
02:03:19.560
I don't want to go to patriarchy, but it reinforces this, like, patriarchal dominance over women where it's, like, men can go and do their thing, live their life, but, like, I need a pure woman that's, like, small.
02:03:39.940
Men, it's like, I don't know that that's true necessarily, that that's what men are attracted to.
02:03:48.660
One in the chat, if you'd rather, if you prefer women with a low body count, one in the chat.
02:03:59.900
Two in, two in the, just one in the chat, if you'd prefer a woman with a low body count.
02:04:07.120
But, I mean, okay, you ask, look, you ask most men, you ask most men, no guy is going to say, gee, I really wish my girlfriend had slept with more men before she met me.
02:04:26.740
No guy is going to say, I really wish he had fucked more guy.
02:04:34.400
I think it's been literally, I haven't even heard this concept in 10 years.
02:04:39.560
Or maybe, like, literally, it's been, not 10 years.
02:04:43.300
It's been a long, the concept of, like, a low body count.
02:04:44.860
I haven't even thought about something like that in so long.
02:04:51.020
And every guy that I've met in the past, like, maybe five years is literally, no one's even asking me something like that.
02:05:01.180
If they're liking me, they're liking me for what I am right now.
02:05:12.640
It's such a weird, I mean, I'm literally, like, who, like, I don't care.
02:05:16.840
I'm not asking them how many women they've slept with.
02:05:20.800
No, it's, like, it's a personal thing for me and who I choose to have sex with.
02:05:24.600
But that other person, like, it's actually, like, none of their business.
02:05:28.820
No, whether I've slept with two people, five people, ten people, like, that, they might not even ever even know that.
02:05:36.440
Because a lot of, like, my last boyfriend, he would never ask me that in a million years.
02:05:43.580
I don't think a lot of guys are going to overtly just be like, hey, how many, I mean, if we could go around the table.
02:05:49.480
But most guys aren't going to overtly ask you that.
02:05:52.660
But it's more so just, like, if it, say it's within a friend group, it's, like, reputational.
02:05:58.480
Like, I don't know, guys don't want to marry the town bicycle.
02:06:07.940
I feel like it used to be the other way around.
02:06:11.260
Or at least when, because I agree that we, I feel like we're evolving beyond this being a thing.
02:06:16.260
And we're kind of, like, the concept of women being sexually pure based on their body count.
02:06:24.200
No matter how many people you've slept with, there's still an energy of purity there.
02:06:28.320
And I feel like we're evolving beyond this concept.
02:06:32.400
It's perpetuating, like, a cycle that is unhealthy, I feel.
02:06:35.660
But this concept, what was the last thing that you said?
02:06:51.600
So, I would say that in the, first off, everyone's free to have their own preferences.
02:07:03.900
And there's certainly women that they also would care.
02:07:07.340
And I don't think it would be wrong for a woman to say, hmm, I don't want a guy that's a player.
02:07:11.820
I don't want a guy that slept with a lot of men.
02:07:14.200
I do think it's a bit different, again, because there's a few different reasons, which I'm about to go into.
02:07:18.760
But I can tell you a little bit as to why men do value sexual purity.
02:07:29.120
By the way, Samantha, just, we're just having a debate.
02:07:41.600
So, I'll try to just explain to guys, like, how a lot of guys feel on this.
02:07:48.380
So, there's two biological evolution, evolutionary, well.
02:07:53.160
Well, okay, there's, that's for a different thing.
02:08:01.580
And that's because, as a woman, if you get pregnant, you know for a fact that child is yours.
02:08:09.200
But for men, we, if a woman has slept with other men, you cannot guarantee paternity.
02:08:17.220
If she's promiscuous, you cannot guarantee paternity.
02:08:20.620
Now, I know in the past, you know, in the past 40 years, we've figured out through DNA, we can do paternity tests.
02:08:28.320
But that doesn't undo hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and biology.
02:08:34.720
And so, men, if the, if the woman is promiscuous, if she's sleeping with a lot of men, you cannot know who the father is.
02:08:50.820
But most men don't have sex to procreate at a young age.
02:08:56.120
It's, it's not an intellectual thing, that thing.
02:09:00.680
So, we know we're not trying to get a woman pregnant.
02:09:19.780
Um, and I think that also, like, speaking to that,
02:09:25.800
there's, I think there's another layer that's not being explored if, if a man is to use that to say,
02:09:33.860
this is why I want them to have a low body count, but it's okay if my body count is high.
02:09:37.880
I think there's some fear of women's sexual power that's going on.
02:09:41.540
And if someone has, like, a higher body count, it's like, oh, she must be engaging with all these people.
02:09:47.800
And to just say, like, oh, it's because of my, my biological evolutionary, et cetera,
02:09:52.560
it feels like, that's one reason, a way out of it.
02:09:57.220
I'll give you, I'll give you some more reasons.
02:09:58.960
So, the other thing is, is that if someone is promiscuous and has slept with a lot of people,
02:10:02.800
and I don't know why this doesn't come up more often in this discussion, in this debate,
02:10:08.700
is sexually transmitted diseases, the more partners you've had, the higher likelihood that you have an STD,
02:10:15.760
whether incurable or curable, I don't think it's insecure or anything for someone to be like,
02:10:24.400
hmm, this person's kind of promiscuous, they've slept with a lot of people,
02:10:30.900
And some STDs there, you can be asymptomatic, some you don't know until you, you know,
02:10:36.340
you, depends on which one, but you might not know down the road, but you could still be contagious.
02:10:41.380
So, I mean, just from the STD angle, if someone is promiscuous and sleeps with a lot of people,
02:10:56.660
No, and I think, but that one goes both ways, you know, like between men and women.
02:11:03.980
That's why getting tested is so important, and then talking about it openly.
02:11:07.340
Sure, but, I mean, let's be honest, like a lot of people,
02:11:11.380
have you been tested after every single partner you've ever had and had a thorough,
02:11:17.020
by the way, most people, full panel, like most people, they'll do gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV.
02:11:22.920
Honestly, there's not, I think for HPV8, herpes, like the tests aren't even that good.
02:11:44.120
Like, if someone slept with 100 people, if you had to place a bet,
02:11:50.120
the person that slept with 100 people is probably more likely to have an STD or have had an STD.
02:11:59.920
And if you know they're sleeping around with other people, more likely to have an STD.
02:12:18.400
I mean, I wouldn't fault a woman if she was like, well, okay, that guy's a player.
02:12:23.600
He's probably got, apparently in Isla Vista, there's like a special strain of gonorrhea going around.
02:12:33.320
So, yeah, well, okay, so I guess I'll ask this question.
02:12:49.860
So, whether you're a girl or a guy, that isn't a reasonable parameter for wanting to date or not date a partner.
02:13:03.320
So, you would take, you say, body count shouldn't matter.
02:13:06.540
So, you wouldn't, you would take quarrel then with a guy who said, hey, I really would like a girl who hasn't slept with a lot of guys, you know, maybe less than five, less than ten, you know.
02:13:24.640
I would say, yeah, if he says, I prefer that you sleep with less than five men.
02:13:31.720
I'd prefer to date a girl who's slept with less men.
02:13:41.960
I mean, I would have to understand their reasoning for that.
02:13:45.340
If it's STDs, then I'd be like, okay, cool, let's both get tested and then continue on.
02:13:57.100
So, consensus for the table, excluding me, I guess.
02:14:27.480
But wait, I thought we just said that body count doesn't matter.
02:14:41.080
But if you're saying, okay, I feel like you have to apply logic.
02:14:50.660
If you're going to say that body count shouldn't matter.
02:14:57.340
I think body count doesn't matter when you're in an intimate setting and you're discussing it with someone.
02:15:00.940
It's very different publicly saying it online in front of hundreds of people than disclosing it with your partner in that sense.
02:15:11.080
We're being judged for looking in different directions.
02:15:13.240
Well, YouTube is, the chat's going to be a chat.
02:15:32.380
But I guess I'm saying, be the change you want to see in the world.
02:15:43.820
We're going to wrap up here in just a few minutes.
02:16:23.560
Well, it's within the context of the conversation.
02:16:35.860
Because I feel like once we give that information.
02:17:15.980
Is like, it doesn't matter in the context of a relationship.
02:17:20.240
The person that you're having sexual relations with.
02:17:24.340
It's not something you want to project to the world.
02:17:33.220
So, I'm going to just read a couple super chats.
02:17:46.640
It's just like the constant smell of Isla Vista.
02:18:04.980
Is that Zane from One Direction as his profile photo?
02:18:18.000
What about men who wear shoe lifts to make themselves taller?
02:18:25.360
By the way, Celery, sorry if you sent this a while ago and you were, it was contextual to
02:18:29.980
something that was going on in the conversation before.
02:18:33.660
By the way, we're about to end the show pretty soon here, guys.
02:18:36.000
So, if you want, get some super chats in while we're reading them.
02:18:40.020
What about men who wear shoe lifts to make themselves taller?
02:18:44.220
I don't think we talked really about makeup and all that, though.
02:18:50.100
If that's going to make you feel good about yourself, go for it.
02:18:55.600
If it's going to make you more confident, why not?
02:18:59.020
I mean, there's a lot of things that men do to make themselves confident, just the same
02:19:05.780
So, I want to see if I want to take a crack at this question.
02:19:10.680
I mean, if you're misrepresenting your height, I would say that that's lying.
02:19:17.880
But, I mean, then you have to take that to its logical conclusion.
02:19:23.140
If that's lying, then I suppose makeup and push-up bras and what are those booty short
02:19:32.420
Is it lying, though, if you said, this is my normal height, and then you wear shoe
02:19:49.640
I'm 5'5", but I'm actually, you know, these lifts make me 5'9".
02:19:57.260
I'm just saying, like, if they just wear them, you know, they're not saying...
02:20:02.640
That's like, with girls, like, if I put mascara and contour, I'm like, yeah, these
02:20:08.540
But if I'm just wearing makeup, I'm just wearing makeup.
02:20:27.840
You're like, oh, you were taller, but you were just capping.
02:20:30.100
I would start to get curious about the hat if he never took it off.
02:20:45.740
If the man is down and eating the badonkadonk, does that increase his out of 10 rating?
02:21:26.680
I just don't see how I would get pleasure from that.
02:22:00.280
But to me, that's just not, you know, appealing for me personally.
02:22:12.300
So that wouldn't, that wouldn't increase or decrease anything.
02:22:34.980
By the way, for those watching, this is Brandon.
02:22:46.080
He's actually going to come on one of the dating shows, so he can give his take.
02:23:14.280
You know, and also, I would say to that, Brandon, that a woman who's only been with one
02:23:20.680
or two partners, those very well could have been long-term relationships.
02:23:24.200
And she may very well be more sexually experienced than a girl who's been with 30 guys, but they've
02:23:32.480
So, I don't think body count necessarily would dictate someone's skills in the bedroom.
02:23:41.680
So, for both men and women, you know, if a guy's just had a bunch of one-night stands, doesn't
02:23:47.720
necessarily mean he's going to be good in bed versus a guy who's had one girlfriend,
02:23:53.100
So, but thank you, Brandon, for the super chat.
02:24:03.280
Just want to say thanks to the girls for taking the time to come on here.
02:24:07.460
Can't imagine it's fun having a group of dudes scrutinize you, so props.
02:24:12.680
Hey, you know, I do also want to give props to the panel.
02:24:18.820
The comments can be brutal towards me, towards the panel, and we had, I think, a heated discussion.
02:24:28.360
I think I was kind of intentionally trying to, you know, poke them in the side a little bit
02:24:33.040
with a couple things, but no, they gave some very, had some very good takes, and I'm glad
02:24:51.260
He was in our last chat donating, talking shit.
02:24:57.080
These girls are going to request overtime pay, eating up your donos.
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So, before we wrap up, I want to open it up to panel, to you guys.
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If you have a question, either for me, a final thought, you have a question for someone else
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on the panel, I want to give you guys an opportunity, final thought, or a question.
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Well, first of all, I think polygamy is super interesting, and I'd like to hear, like, your
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take on how it is, like, sharing a partner, like, knowingly.
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Like, you said you were dating someone who's also dating, like, five other people.
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Like, do you ever feel feelings of jealousy or competitiveness when you're in that situation?
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And polyamory is usually the term that I like to use, like, rather than polygamy, because
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it just, yeah, it's the open, open love, open relating, or even just open relating, because
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polyamory can have a specific, like, connotation.
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And, yeah, I'd say that feelings of jealousy and, like, comparison can come up really strongly,
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and they come up more strongly for me when I don't know the other people, because then
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But when I can have a sense of, like, intimacy and feeling the other women as sisters or other
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men, if I'm dating a woman who's dating other men, too, then I can, like, feel this sense
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of, like, oh, okay, we're all, we all love, like, the same being, and we're, and we're
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praying to this, this source of our pleasure and our power together, then it helps me, like,
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kind of soothe the inner child that feels like the abandonment stuff and the jealousy.
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And jealousy is an interesting one, too, because I feel like it's a conglomeration of, like,
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There's, like, desire, and there's fear, and there's anger, and there's longing, and shame,
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So when I can break them down one by one, and then be with a partner that, like, can
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Yeah, and I'm constantly navigating that, too, of how to, like, feel secure.
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And when I have that, like, healthy attachment with someone, then I feel less jealousy, because
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I guess I just want to clarify, because, yes, I only have two bodies, but you were like,
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Not saying I'm a player, but, like, when I play the game.
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I was just going to say, like, you can talk to a lot of people, but I don't, like, have
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I know we were maybe joking about that, but six feet and above?
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Like, as long as we view things the same way, and even if we don't, as long as we can, like,
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talk it out and, like, understand each other, I feel like that's a key point.
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Like, the last guy I talked to, I didn't have sex with him, but, like, we still...
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And, like, how we were saying earlier, he probably has a lot of bodies because he's,
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I also figured that he was sleeping with a lot of people, and he was only here for, like,
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Oh, yeah, because UCSB has some, like, basketball camp or some...
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I have friends who are in the NBA already, like...
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Wait, so, okay, you're a guy you were seeing...
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But, like, when we went out, like, downtown, he would get, like, free shit and he would
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Not bottle service, but, like, they'd just get, like, free stuff and, like, clout.
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Well, my question was, do you guys, like, also think that dating is only when they take
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But, like, you would talk to them and you would classify that as dating?
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Even when someone takes me out on a date, are we even dating?
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Yeah, like, I just went on a date, but I wouldn't say I was dating him.
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I'm very keen on it having to be, like, specifically...
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Some guy in the chat says, just visited Santa Barbara.
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And this guy says, I turned down Brad Pitt and Henry Cavill.
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Well, like, earlier when we were talking about, like, what do you classify as dating?
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I feel like you have to be talking to them for a certain period of time, and then, like,
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Like, that's my definition, but I was just wondering what theirs was.
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Like, I need to talk to them about things and see what their reaction would be, and that
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would tell me, like, what type of person they are, you know?
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Like, I feel like we need to talk about, like, deeper things.
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Okay, I am an astrology girl, but I don't do that.
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I would say, like, I would ask them what's something that they've carried into their adulthood
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Like, I just want to know those things, you know?
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I just want to, like, get to know the nitty-gritty details.
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I feel like I'm ready for my time boundaries to be respected and really close up because
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I feel like there's been a lot of, like, topics we've touched that have felt, like, challenging
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and not maybe reaching the depth that we desire.
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And I just hope we can all, in the dating scene, in this day and age, really remember to
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come back to our breath and our body and what we're really in search of when we're reaching
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People just hate on women when they enjoy things.
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The psychology behind the astrology is what makes it...
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Men especially hate on women for just enjoying things.
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How does hating astrology have to relate to hating women?
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The amount of times when I've asked a male his birthday, he's like, ugh, you're not one
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I don't know too much about it, but I think it's cool.
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Yeah, I don't know a lot about it, but I think it's fun.
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You could have been doing anything else, but you're here with me.
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We will be live again Thursday at 7 p.m. Pacific time.
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Mike Davis likes to send super chats, but I'm like, he's trolling.
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I mean, you can show it, but we're wrapping up.
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So, and then thank you, JJ Son, for the Canadian $2.
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I don't know if you're from the French-speaking part of Canada.
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But, yeah, thank you guys for tuning in, and we will see you next time.