Bankas Podcast - #010 - Spin is Hard w Simon B Cotter ｜ The Bankas Show

00:00:00.000 oh the levels levels are great i already checked the levels yeah can you hear black and yellow

00:00:07.540 playing in the background no black and yeah i remember black and yellow was playing in

00:00:13.000 that was like great that was like a grade 8 song yeah i was like in grade 11 or something 1.00

00:00:18.720 yeah we just opened a maker's mark there's no video today because uh fuck you guys because 0.99

00:00:26.280 yeah ben the card's full i got a lot of shit to edit i got a lot of stand-up to edit 0.99

00:00:30.920 i've been procrastinating just working on myself and my spirit i'm going to spend and just 0.98

00:00:39.020 understanding where i'm just figuring out like why my butthole hurts in the night 0.91

00:00:43.840 because because i'm doing too many tap backs on the spin bike yeah i know it is very sexual spin 0.98

00:00:50.140 glass it's very like today was like a bro-y guy though and yeah yeah that's sick he was

00:00:56.240 cool i think he was jewish because his last name was like levinson oh yeah well he didn't 0.66

00:01:00.060 he was like a very like white jew he was like a queen's university jew oh yeah he's like a shame 1.00

00:01:05.260 to be jewish get the fuck up like he was straight like yeah he wasn't gay but he played like pretty 0.98

00:01:11.620 gay music and it was kind of funny because you could tell that he like knew that like the people 0.98

00:01:16.960 who were there just like chicks you know so he played like a couple like classic chick songs i don't 0.97

00:01:24.080 even know what they're called but it's like like a britney spears song and shit so it's like feels 0.93

00:01:28.560 pretty gay when you're like but you're also like sweating so much that you're like it doesn't 0.99

00:01:32.220 fucking matter you're just i'm trying to just sweat like i'm focused like i'm when i'm there i'm like 0.98

00:01:37.720 i'm trying to fucking not be fat of course like like andrew tate said he's like being a man is like 0.99

00:01:44.840 not like just not allowing yourself to just be a fat piece of shit andrew tate said to go to spin 0.99

00:01:49.940 class right yeah yeah he was like i beat my wife and do spin well i mean there's nothing wrong what 0.99

00:01:56.460 like no there's nothing wrong with spin no i know no it's hard dude you took me to it's so hard 0.89

00:02:03.600 every fucking person is like oh yeah spin every person that's like spin if they went there they 0.99

00:02:08.860 would fucking be like this is fucking so hard it's retarded how there's like fat indian girls 1.00

00:02:13.100 that come once and they're like i don't know how to clip in my foot yeah well they don't they've 0.99

00:02:17.620 never had technology like spin i've never seen something so advanced the shoe that ties itself

00:02:23.680 well anyway so we are at yuck yucks and uh we're in the green room and we just opened a maker's mark

00:02:31.600 i haven't drank any yet thank you uh to the fan and friend that got it for us uh jameson donnell

00:02:40.420 oh he's a patreon that's cool member patron so uh that was very nice of him he came to watch me

00:02:48.700 uh open for aaron berg and lewis j gomez and or yeah host that show and he fucking he got all of us 0.95

00:02:55.100 gifts he got me makers mark because i guess he just assumed i was depressed and then he got uh 0.94

00:03:01.360 and then he got a cigar for berg and i forget what he got for lewis but uh that was a sick-ass week 0.75

00:03:07.920 lewis like burrito boys yeah for all the people out there they're like what i've been having a few 0.68

00:03:13.180 people comment on my like it's like think like it's mostly like liberals that hate or people that

00:03:17.580 just hate me or whatever they'll be like stop oh yeah not very conservative you of you uh to beg

00:03:23.720 for donations like for patreon at the end of my videos donations first off it's like this funniest

00:03:29.400 yeah it's like well that's like saying it's like yeah like oh you donating to netflix it's not very

00:03:34.660 conservative that you're starting your own business yeah not very conservative fuck it'd be

00:03:38.520 much more conservative of you to do everything for free yeah literally just give us contact 1.00

00:03:42.620 idiots going tiktok and but anyway so for all the people that want to say why should i support you 0.97

00:03:49.180 on patreon well because i just did four sold out shows you got nothing they probably made like 18 0.99

00:04:00.260 grand a night i remember mike was talking numbers he was like yeah people berg and lewis probably

00:04:05.280 walked away with like 60k from the weekend no probably they charge like what 35 a ticket

00:04:10.860 yeah but i don't know what their split was with trucks probably did it as like a regular that's true

00:04:16.360 yeah they got 400 each we're like deep behind enemy lines talking about this stuff yeah i know

00:04:22.460 they're not enemies literally my boss like they're the best no it's for the experience i get it you

00:04:28.640 know this is the experience here's 50 bucks you can kill yourself you made more money gambling at

00:04:32.960 st louis being sad than you yeah that's doing what you love and then i yeah i think i want to just be

00:04:38.220 a professional uh sports gambler on my phone because i think that's really the only way to get rich

00:04:44.240 yeah that's that's when you're going to be on six buzz when you're selling picks honestly if i was

00:04:48.760 on yeah i'm gonna start one of those like banks yo doggy yo pistons in the third oh dude we should 0.95

00:04:55.400 do a sketch where it's just like i'm taking a shot a guy fucking uh he sells picks but they're just all 0.98

00:05:01.240 wrong fuck it all right you're quitting weed eh no i'm taking like a few days off because i i i got i had 0.99

00:05:08.880 too much fun last week man i just did shrooms till like 9 a.m four times it's terrible yeah i only did 0.99

00:05:14.200 that once yeah and you you came out of it good and now i ended up watching i worked out twice the

00:05:19.540 next day i think i'm fucking turning jewish all of a sudden yeah because you hang out with mike 0.92

00:05:24.100 cartis too much yeah that's you can't do that i know it is i he is a once and once a week guy he's 0.97

00:05:30.160 a once in a while you you hang out with him three four times you know mike cartis no you can hold that

00:05:35.800 microphone if you want to all right we're joined by uh what's your last name simon b cotter simon b

00:05:43.620 cotter he's a uh yucks veteran he's been signed for like 30 years he came out tonight and is 34

00:05:50.520 you are you you're signed you've been signed with yuck yucks for 34 years yeah he told me he was six

00:05:57.820 weeks into comedy and mark breslin was like you're sick the 80s were such a good time yeah it was it was

00:06:03.640 not a lot of not i was not a genius it was a different time then man it was just like they

00:06:08.920 were opening comedy clubs all over every bar had a comedy night they just they needed guys they if

00:06:15.500 you could have bought you could have done you could have done balloon animals and kept people

00:06:19.220 drinking they would uh that would have been fine it was just i just happened to do you make a lot

00:06:23.660 of money then like or like well i i did well we all did well back then i think it's the same did you

00:06:30.600 guys all blow it on just partying uh not all of us but uh certain certain of us bought homes and

00:06:37.680 cars and investment properties and others guys uh developed so like the comics liking for a powder

00:06:43.560 and right there was a lot of that going around and so there was you know but there was i mean as you

00:06:50.300 were saying the guys back then were you're able to work a club you know there were six show

00:06:56.580 weekends eight show weekends you know so if you're the headliner and you're making 200 bucks

00:07:02.820 he said that 200 or 250 bucks a show you know six or eight show weekends 1500 dollars back in 1988

00:07:10.360 dude this guy said the niagara club was seven shows you would do like two friday two saturday or like

00:07:16.880 six seven it's like you do one on sunday yeah like they would tell people on saturday because people 0.98

00:07:21.880 loved it right yeah it was packed it was absolutely packed what the fuck we're like in the wrong era 1.00

00:07:26.300 and like all were the chicks just like oh my god you're a comedian i'm like oh let me suck your dick 1.00

00:07:31.520 yeah yeah that still happens that happens to you oh yeah all the time yeah no no we're not drummers 1.00

00:07:40.860 for god sakes what the hell you're like this is still getting your dick it's not nirvana are you 0.99

00:07:45.540 kidding it's like but in the 80s i feel like women were like oh my god no no no no no no there was 1.00

00:07:52.500 there there same same same same shit so then yeah we we set them up and the musicians come in and take 0.58

00:07:59.840 them yeah i wish there was more like musician comedy overlap right now and yeah it'd be great if you 0.93

00:08:08.880 could open like when i was when i was in the 80s and 90s you would occasionally get to open for bands

00:08:16.300 you know they would have a comedian because it was cheap it's easy for them to do you know they're

00:08:22.100 making you know they're selling out a stadium and they're giving you you know two grand to do 20

00:08:26.380 minutes it's way cheaper than them hiring even a local band to do it right so so have you performed

00:08:31.460 in stadium yeah we have a bunch of them which which stadiums i've done it uh ontario place i've

00:08:38.520 done uh budweiser stage or whatever no no it wasn't budweiser back then it was the amphitheater

00:08:43.340 the amphitheater and uh i did uh i did uh oh lulu's i've done royal albert hall i've done

00:08:52.180 it's carnegie hall i've done sydney opera house i've done you know uh massey hall a bunch of times

00:08:59.940 do you live in toronto yeah yeah hummingbird which used to be do you go out a lot like

00:09:05.700 do you go out a lot now like to just do shows or i do a lot of corporate work do a lot of shows

00:09:12.180 for you know royal bank or whatever and you know client appreciations that sort of stuff so you know 0.98

00:09:18.280 how to keep it like clean as fuck yeah yeah i i'm clean as fuck yeah for sure that's exactly it 0.99

00:09:26.580 i'm the cops i can clean as fuck that's what i do you have to be yeah corporate you have to be 0.99

00:09:31.600 ridiculously clean but you're not obviously you're not clean like if you're not there did you start 0.97

00:09:37.120 doing comedy clean or was that something you well it's funny i my first show september 23rd 1988 i was

00:09:43.760 coming i was uh an executive at a real estate company and i'd signed up for this amateur night

00:09:49.900 and so i went down i had intended to go home because i'd watched a couple of gone to yucks and watched a

00:09:56.060 couple of the amateur nights and everybody seemed to back then to dress the same way in jeans and a t-shirt

00:10:01.020 and stuff so i was going to go home and put on but you know work got crazy and so all of a sudden

00:10:05.340 i realized i'm not going to make it i'm going to have to so i went in the suit so everybody's in

00:10:10.100 jeans and t-shirts and then i go on in a suit and i swore maybe i don't know six seven times it wasn't

00:10:15.340 a filthy act but as i was people were leaving people go oh my god the guy in the suit was good

00:10:20.520 or the guy in the suit was funny i like the guy in the suit and one of the ladies goes and he was

00:10:24.380 so clean he didn't swear at all i thought i must have dropped six or seven f-bombs how the heck

00:10:29.080 but just because the look yeah was clean and so that's when i decided right then i go okay i'm

00:10:34.800 always going to wear a suit because it differentiates me and i'm not going to swear

00:10:38.960 so i wrote from then i took all the swear words out of my act and you know it's just a fluke but it

00:10:44.600 worked out very well for me so you never swear in the act no i i did a college tour that joe louis 0.99

00:10:50.420 sponsored nationally from 92 to 98 joe louis the snack cake holy fucking shit this guy's 0.99

00:10:56.640 joe louis used to sponsor shit that's crazy that's fucking nuts dude yeah so i was playing like 100 1.00

00:11:02.740 000 students a year i did 130 can't holy fucking shit from from st john's right through to victoria 0.99

00:11:09.860 do you ever deal with people getting offended at those schools because like oh my god the 0.99

00:11:13.620 politically correct was just starting yeah then and i like now i couldn't you you can't even even 0.95

00:11:19.520 clean even with clean even clean fuck now now of course and the campuses i would i would 0.96

00:11:25.460 campuses i would drop you know since where we're just particularly the northern campuses you know 0.93

00:11:31.440 where the you know you're dealing with the forestry and mining guys you're not gonna here's 0.99

00:11:38.600 something funny about my pillow and they beat the crap out of you so are you jewish no no i've got 0.99

00:11:45.040 a jewish name but like a lot of there's a lot of names it's both irish and jewish you've hung out 0.61

00:11:49.960 with a lot of jews oh tons tons of quite a few comedy scenes like yeah there was quite a hard core 0.74

00:11:56.160 but you know that's the thing is that if you know if you look at comedy that it has is a disproportionate

00:12:02.660 amount of people of color disproportionate amount of jewish people was up because anybody who's

00:12:07.980 marginalized anybody else is marginalized looks at the world slightly differently so it's so easy to

00:12:14.120 find comedy and stuff like that and that's one of the reasons you'll as far as white guys if you

00:12:19.820 check it out most of them are irish or you know they're from the poorer ones it's very seldom you 0.98

00:12:26.000 know i am the third lord of eton you know that people those kids always suck that's like uh greg uh 0.91

00:12:32.500 alone yeah because he's like his parents are just like they were they work at the banks that you got 0.69

00:12:39.320 you come to entertain yeah right and then he's like i want to be i don't want to be i don't want

00:12:47.100 to be rich like my dad i'm gonna be my doctor gave me this like form to fill out like how like do you

00:12:52.240 want to kill yourself like do you hate yourself like do you did he fill in your name for you do 0.90

00:12:58.620 you would you please kill yourself no it's like yeah exactly it's like on a scale of one to ten 1.00

00:13:04.800 or whatever how much do you want to kill yourself every day how much do you want to whatever yeah 0.99

00:13:11.120 do you have are you able to have fun at things that you used to have fun at it was like a depression

00:13:16.340 test right and then after he was like yeah my uh grandson he's trying to do stand-up

00:13:22.640 and then he's like basically like yeah he sucks like he was like my grandson sucks and i was like 0.92

00:13:29.820 yeah because he doesn't fill out that form like that that's funny you know what i mean you gotta fill 0.99

00:13:34.680 out you're filling out often very often you know what i mean he's filling out like oh never

00:13:40.460 i love my life i'm gonna go to yuck yucks yeah but i was that the same in the eight but i feel

00:13:47.640 like comedy also if you if you start happy you're like if you actually keep doing comedy eventually

00:13:52.800 you will be sad in some way like you kind of have to be like even not really if you know there are

00:13:58.640 certain guys that get happy from it that you know like there are certain guys that are miserable

00:14:04.440 until they make it and then you know right you know the the their misery is i'm an artist and i'm

00:14:10.820 not being appreciated for my art once they make it that's important you know even like bill burr had

00:14:15.580 that like when he lived on like somebody's couch i know i know bill burr like he he started in the

00:14:20.560 90s we did the san francisco festival at the same time that's sick and uh he was funny from right from

00:14:26.980 the get-go right from the get-go but burr was one of these guys that was just uh had a genuine voice

00:14:36.000 a genuine thing and and what i was worried about when he makes it if he becomes happy and successful

00:14:41.060 will it destroy but he's just he's got a way a unique way his way of looking at the world doesn't

00:14:45.740 change whether he's super successful or not russell peters used to open for me yeah and then you know

00:14:52.060 the last not the last time in town but a couple of years ago he had me open for him like in front of

00:14:56.740 8 000 people at out in uh mississauga and i thought going out this amazing thing and just 0.98

00:15:04.520 before he went out they're chanting his name and he turns to me and goes can you believe this shit 0.97

00:15:08.760 i go he's the same kid that's when he was opening for me he had he he acted like he was the most 0.99

00:15:15.520 important guy in the room when he was making you know 50 bucks a night and now that he's making 50

00:15:20.580 000 or you know he's the opposite 500 he's like what is this how am i so famous yeah yeah exactly

00:15:26.960 this is unbelievable it's cool like he's so i think you have to have like a couple things i think you

00:15:32.920 have to be delusional enough to think that you're like better than other people 100 percent like

00:15:37.440 yeah fortunately that's part of it like you kind of have to yeah you like

00:15:41.260 nobody said that but it's like you have to be able to see like the funniest comic ever and go

00:15:47.600 i'm better than that even if you're not nobody gets into this without being slightly damaged

00:15:51.200 right no well you know people get into it not being slightly damaged then they end up

00:15:56.460 becoming more damaged because they got into comedy but it's what type of damage that you're coming in

00:16:02.560 with and what you know what what what demons you're you're tracking down are they substance abuse

00:16:08.840 demons are they insecurity demons are they i need to be and then my mom didn't pay enough attention to 0.71

00:16:14.820 me demons whatever whatever everybody has a thing that they need to be in front because they need

00:16:19.660 somebody to go instantly say yes you know yes you're good yes you're funny yes you're great

00:16:25.820 instant instant gratification that's the beauty of what we do it's so freaking instant if you're a

00:16:32.020 doing a movie it'll be 18 months before you know whether the movie's any good or not

00:16:36.740 you know you're on stage you know 18 seconds in whether you're doing all right yeah that's very

00:16:42.280 true you do know within the first like just a side note that what you the last thing you said

00:16:46.520 just made me want to do uh we have to do mushrooms yeah and go to see avatar it's three hours long

00:16:53.700 yeah we'll do it yeah we'll have to go with mike cartis to theater and we have to go with him

00:16:57.720 somewhere public kind of sucks because we can't like smoke weed the whole time inside the theater

00:17:03.100 what was that like going to movie theaters where you could smoke cigarettes inside was that pretty

00:17:07.560 sweet um is that a thing yeah yeah i don't know if they were probably maybe when i was really young

00:17:15.180 you could still smoke in a theater i think it's been been a long time like it was but what you were 0.96

00:17:19.900 just saying was cool because it's like yeah people think they're the shit and then once they make it 0.98

00:17:27.120 they're like scared to lose it so they it humbles them i think in a way right yeah and the other 0.99

00:17:31.900 you have to as a comic you have to stay miserable a certain sebastian meniscalco like he's super super

00:17:37.280 successful but like his whole act is like i'm miserable because of this and i'm miserable because

00:17:42.020 of that right and you gotta you gotta stick to it or you've got to reinvent yourself like there

00:17:46.560 you know you've got one way or of going or the other that's why so many comics you see where they

00:17:52.200 hit a certain level they morph into be i'm an actor now or i'm a producer or i'm you know you know

00:17:57.960 they do something else i'm now i'm going to be uh a game show host right as opposed to because

00:18:04.240 it's hard it's hard to you know it's like the hardest art form to maintain well now it's all

00:18:10.100 about content right well i mean like it's like if you're a comic it doesn't matter how good you are

00:18:16.140 how long you've been doing it if you don't have an online present you literally do you can't sell

00:18:20.780 tickets you're nobody you might as well be not i mean like we were talking about louis ck who's super

00:18:26.280 super famous and like his online presence it's like you still have to have one it doesn't have

00:18:30.120 to be like yeah his name you know what i mean like he's but yeah he stopped doing everything online

00:18:35.880 because of what happened and stuff and then now that he's doing tons of content basically just

00:18:41.240 rehashing all of his old show and old stand-up and putting it online it's like sick love it i want to

00:18:48.380 ask because i know like back then there was no like idea of like oh you could get canceled for

00:18:53.440 seeing this on stage that's right there was especially here yuck yucks one of the things

00:18:58.200 that people forget is yuck yucks was one of the only comedy clubs in north america had no censorship

00:19:04.000 really none like some of the like punch lines and stuff like that you know you couldn't use the c

00:19:09.580 word or you couldn't do this or you couldn't do that like some yucks as for a chain of comedy clubs

00:19:15.600 was very advanced and that they were like your act is your act they're not going to mess with that

00:19:21.860 right they'll mess with you getting hammered and throwing up on the front row or they'll you

00:19:28.060 hitting on the waitresses or you know you do you know uh i'm not even gonna say doing drugs in the

00:19:35.280 club because everybody was doing drugs in the club but just being overt with it you know uh you know

00:19:40.980 just but but as far as on stage nothing nothing you did mark wouldn't come to your defense and say

00:19:49.540 you know that's that's the creative in right that's awesome because i think it's still like that i don't

00:19:55.680 i don't know it's still like that but i think that in the rest of the scene there's so many comics that

00:19:59.960 are afraid of being canceled and not even by like media by other comics by saying oh that was i don't

00:20:05.320 like what you said so i'm not gonna book you know i have comics that like make like 10 different counts

00:20:09.780 and like try to like write on my thing like this is this and this is bad like from like different

00:20:15.720 accounts like making fake accounts to like pretend to be more people than the actually are pissed like

00:20:20.560 really sick now how many of those people are you be honest how many of those personalities are your

00:20:27.760 own they're all me it's just me because you seem to have a lot of people you think are interested in

00:20:33.560 following you well yeah that's why we have the show but

00:20:37.700 no i was just gonna ask like what what was it like like being people make fake accounts like

00:20:44.780 they'll be like somebody recently was there ever like a bank is for any beefs between comics like

00:20:49.620 oh yeah yeah there was oh yeah no no there were there were fistfights or was there were fistfights 0.75

00:20:54.140 but there were fistfights of stuff oh shit like that and uh that's the one thing the one 0.96

00:20:59.080 the one thing where yucks would come in is if there was material theft i had a guy i had a guy do 0.97

00:21:05.240 a bit of mine on stage before he was going to introduce me and i then he took off after and i

00:21:12.600 went to his house and tried to confront him and he wouldn't open the door so i notified the club

00:21:18.120 and they hauled him in and he had to apologize and they literally calling the police instead of calling

00:21:23.680 the police i called brestlin no literally 3 a.m i'm outside this guy's house he stole my bed

00:21:28.960 jeff silverman the president had him in and uh after interviewing both of us he realized it was

00:21:35.100 pretty clear that the bed had been stolen and the guy just fessed up that he'd done and they sent out

00:21:39.540 a memo to all the clubs saying this they didn't name him but they said on this date this material was 0.68

00:21:44.840 taken was holy shit but you know what the comedy community is like everybody knew who it was

00:21:49.480 everybody knew who was involved and but just it was like a great probably still doing that it was a 0.96

00:21:54.740 great warning to to uh other comics that you know like you can do anything you want but steal

00:22:02.820 which is again stealing's game yeah that's like the lowest thing you could do that's the saddest

00:22:08.260 that's like saying like i'm not i can't even think like i get like accidentally parallel thinking

00:22:13.700 exists of course it does but like some guy got so mad at me in texas because i uh did a bit 1.00

00:22:19.460 about um it's a bit about the word faggot and i say that i'd suck a dick to say faggot or something 0.99

00:22:26.820 like that and i'm like i'd suck up i like and i'd film it and then i'd show like and if somebody's 1.00

00:22:31.880 like what'd you just say i just pull out my phone it's just me blowing a black dude and they'd be 0.99

00:22:35.900 like okay i guess you can say it right um and then so this guy's like that's fucking doug stanhope's 0.95

00:22:43.560 bit and i was like what are you talking about okay what bit and so he's like but he's just like 0.99

00:22:50.540 freaking out and he's like you're a fucking hack i was like but i i fucked with him so hard because 1.00

00:22:55.360 i was like well the what about the rest of my set that was pretty good though right because i like 0.99

00:22:59.060 murdered yeah and he was like like stormed away so i looked at the bit and it's like he has a joke 0.91

00:23:05.480 where he's like something about faggot and uh what if somebody's upset about that after the show i 1.00

00:23:12.400 will come up to you and suck your dick oh yeah right and um obviously parallel thinking yeah but 1.00

00:23:19.440 that but he was but he was the guy outside the show the comic was like he fucking said the video 1.00

00:23:25.060 and like that he was gonna film it and everything and you stole everything and then i like it wasn't

00:23:28.940 that it wasn't that at all but that guy just like was mad that i like had a good set or something

00:23:33.340 yeah sometimes people are mad and they like they're like i'm a bigger comedy fan than you and

00:23:38.260 i know that that was actually in richard's prior's 14th album and you're like i mean that's never

00:23:44.000 happened to me yeah there's always going to be some parallel thinking i mean there are only so many

00:23:47.760 premises and so much so much talking it's what you do with it watch old comedy like you realize that

00:23:53.500 literally nothing like there's literally almost nothing new yeah except for i mean bill burr and those

00:24:00.020 guys like they're doing they're pushing the limit a lot of guys doug stanhope used to push the limit

00:24:06.800 mitch hedbergh you know all these guys these were all guys that used to work san francisco and i worked

00:24:11.880 down there and so um that that time it was a very creative time in stand-up and people had different

00:24:19.560 voices like if you actually read a norm mcdonald joke it doesn't read off the page as funny but

00:24:26.500 but man the way the guy the guy the cadence of the guy did you know norm very well yeah i used to

00:24:32.920 play poker at my house all the time oh shit yeah we were yeah no it was a that was a big loss 0.82

00:24:37.640 yeah i'm sorry yeah it was sucked yeah we've lost a lot we lose a lot of people in this industry you 0.98

00:24:44.740 know people just die all the time yeah cocaine vaccine well the one thing that gets me though if you

00:24:51.960 don't you don't think is how consider how many times we're on the road late at night after gigs

00:24:57.660 coming back after this how almost none of us die in a car accident how how we almost did on the way

00:25:03.840 to pembroke i've almost died tons of times but we don't we all overdose or suicide or freaking you 0.81

00:25:11.700 know wife or girlfriend takes us out or you know but but you know go the old phil hartman roy you know

00:25:22.280 but it just all but just you know cancer shotgun cancer all of these all of these things point blank

00:25:29.820 yeah and he was so talented yeah what jingle all the way yeah so you just like you you'd think that

00:25:41.360 where we drive so much way more than the average person that we should be in yeah biting it all the

00:25:48.120 time but for some reason well the more you drive i think like it's more experience and stuff like

00:25:52.620 that i guess and like comics usually leave so fucking early for gigs it's like like we did a gig it's 0.89

00:25:58.440 like a five hour drive but it ended up being seven hours because we had to like drive 60 kilometers

00:26:04.580 an hour for two hours because it was so the weather was just awful it was snowing yeah we saw like five

00:26:10.320 head-on collisions so many head-on collisions nobody was even dead in those for some reason people were 0.84

00:26:14.420 just like oh buddy that was a fucking crazy head-on collision i don't know why he's from newfoundland 0.99

00:26:19.920 all of a sudden fucking newfoundland those people are actually retarded but in like the bless their 0.99

00:26:25.960 soul right but they're just like oh he's running fucking money there was this one guy he's talking 0.99

00:26:30.500 to me outside he basically his he was there with his wife and his daughter his daughter was morbidly 0.99

00:26:34.840 obese you could tell he just was so ashamed of it and hated his wife and he was just like oh fuck yeah 0.99

00:26:40.260 fucking i'm on the oil rig out there in asia or something and i was like how much and he was like 1.00

00:26:46.180 talking blah blah blah and i was like how many fucking asian hookers did you fuck last week 1.00

00:26:49.940 and he's like or like how many asian hookers when you did you fuck when you were over there and he 1.00

00:26:55.420 was like how many did i fuck last week that was what he said and i was like oh my god but then i had 0.99

00:27:01.060 that information because he was like outside having a cigarette with me yeah and i hadn't gone on yet 0.99

00:27:06.060 and then i will on and like he starts heckling me and he's like with his fucking morbidly obese 0.98

00:27:12.220 daughter who's just like boom and like his wife who's like kind of hot actually and she just looks 1.00

00:27:19.440 sad about how ugly her daughter was and the and the guy started heckling me like oh he's fucking 0.99

00:27:26.040 i couldn't even understand what he was saying but i was like don't make me tell everybody what you 0.99

00:27:30.700 told me outside and he fucking shut the fuck up he was terrified oh my god that's horrible then they 0.99

00:27:36.760 left well yeah of course like we're gonna go you're gonna ruin his marriage yeah i came to a yucks gig 0.99

00:27:43.240 in newfoundland and you were disappointed because he couldn't bang the daughter that you were yeah

00:27:46.780 leave her here oh she physically can't move 1.00

00:27:52.160 but yeah no um comedy is special it's it's a special thing but it does it takes you on a journey

00:28:02.780 that is it's the greatest job in the world it's literally the greatest job in the world

00:28:08.480 i think that it really is think think think think of when you're the happiest you know like like

00:28:15.660 your happiest is when you're when you're on stage they driving to the gigs all that that's work

00:28:21.320 that's what we get that's why there's a check at the end of it that that being away from people

00:28:25.340 that you love all that's why you're there being on stage there isn't one of us that wouldn't do

00:28:30.060 it for free yeah like it just it's it's literally doing that tonight it's literally the greatest

00:28:36.100 thing greatest job in the world it is a great and if whether if you're a tennis player and somebody

00:28:40.280 came up to you and said how would you like to play tennis and we're gonna pay you every time you

00:28:44.120 play you'd be like what are you is this a genie in a bottle like yeah we we play

00:28:50.300 we do what other people everyone wants to be that guy at the party that's in the kitchen

00:28:55.180 making everybody laugh right and we get to do that for a living it's terrific

00:29:00.760 morbidly obese yeah the only difference is like in tennis they're like you're really good at tennis

00:29:09.320 we're gonna pay you yeah thousands you're gonna get a nike sponsorship and here's a comedy they're

00:29:13.860 like you're the best comedian canada we're gonna pay you hundreds of dollars a week 0.95

00:29:18.500 oh shit the show's it is pretty good basically being a full-time comedian canada is like 0.97

00:29:25.800 it ranges obviously but it's anywhere from 0.99

00:29:30.440 like you basically make what a

00:29:34.600 indian woman who works 60 hours at mcdonald's a week makes but you don't do anything 1.00

00:29:41.560 except two gigs it's true what do you know what i mean i i have no idea what you're talking about

00:29:49.460 but i'm a millionaire because i did gigs in the 80s yeah it's literally like i invested all my money

00:29:55.840 i bought a house in 1987 in ajax it's worth three million dollars now you could have i mean you did

00:30:04.160 real estate this could have been you if you were born like 40 years earlier i did real estate too

00:30:08.040 all right i did photocopier sales they always talked about the 80s and 0.55

00:30:11.140 at photocopier sales they were like oh yeah i knew a guy who fucking when the fax machine was invented 0.97

00:30:16.320 he went down to a bar he went down to a bar and the fucking he met the owner of cn rail at the bar 0.97

00:30:23.660 and the guy goes oh i need a fax machine and every single fucking thing 0.99

00:30:27.320 so he just he's like so he brought a thousand like fucking contracts to for a thousand uh fax 0.98

00:30:36.540 machines and the guy it was like they're like a thousand bucks each so he just like made a million 0.79

00:30:40.720 dollars or whatever like in it that day insane and like people were just making millions everybody

00:30:45.940 like it's not wasn't just comedy every there were so many industries that you were people were making

00:30:50.580 a fucking ton of money in the 80s yeah i mean then it all blew up that's why they wanted to spend

00:30:54.780 money on going to see comedy yeah and it was it was just a great time to do it because it was so 0.91

00:30:59.700 creative like back then at this club you'd have norm mcdonald harlem williams mike mcdonald

00:31:08.920 jeremy hots crazy insane all on the same bill on the same freaking night you know guys would pop in

00:31:16.760 on an amateur night in toronto in toronto in toronto like it was great like when i played the 0.64

00:31:21.560 comedy store in london and you're coming down and there's robin williams and all these those pictures

00:31:26.320 all over the wall and the guys like that pop in like you know uh you know rowan atkins pops in and

00:31:33.280 does a spot like it's just unreal you know but that was happening here in canada yeah we had a star

00:31:39.880 system here in canada and why do you think we lost that because they went they went south where our

00:31:45.640 market is 36 million people there's 42 million in california i mean you can't expect to be rich here

00:31:53.340 when they can make more money touring in texas than you can down there you said you worked san francisco

00:31:59.720 i used to work la and san francisco and new york there were certain towns that i would work but i i got

00:32:05.980 married and i i wanted to stay in canada so my wife's here and i just i would go and work there

00:32:12.520 but i've always lived here i love it here was it easier to work in the states back things i know now

00:32:18.720 it's really difficult oh my god it's so the who's hosting still the visas or no it's he's headlining

00:32:25.060 yeah oh speaking of which i better get down there because i think i'm number two on the list

00:32:29.780 anyway it was great thank you so much for including me i appreciate it real learning experience

00:32:35.880 oh where can people find you can they find you online they can come to my house

00:32:41.300 i can come to my house don't tell us yes yes you'll enjoy my basement please come down do you want

00:32:51.600 to leave an email people you don't have like a facebook or instagram yeah yeah i'm simon b cotter

00:32:57.200 on facebook simon how do you spell your last name c-o-t-t-e-r cotter what is that irish

00:33:03.160 so you're full irish no i'm i well my family's from jamaica and we moved to ireland from ireland

00:33:09.260 to jamaica yeah 1715 and sort of then my dad decided oh so you guys it's beautiful weather i

00:33:16.160 should move to canada slave owners no we were uh worked for the english we were indentured servant

00:33:22.420 we were we were slaves we were slaves essentially you were a slave well essentially there are we

00:33:28.480 were we were i was a slave my best friends with robin williams yeah no it was uh the irish were

00:33:35.500 sort of the work for the english and the you know as my people with robin williams yeah i had a bunch

00:33:43.420 of them yeah a couple of them yeah i never met him no i did did you blow with him no i i saw him

00:33:51.200 when i was 15 at the holy city zoo in san francisco holy city zoo he was performing there yeah and so i

00:33:59.600 was 15 he was you know a man at that point and it was and then he became famous after that and then i

00:34:06.880 told my sister about it and she was in uh um advertising and so he he got a show and she

00:34:14.340 based on me telling her how great he was she booked a bunch of uh uh commercials for tide was her client

00:34:22.480 on his you know mork and mindy and then it went to number one and so they were thirty thousand dollars

00:34:28.740 a spot and she bought them for five so she got this big promotion and then years later i was doing a tv

00:34:34.080 show in la doing warm-ups at the store and he came in to do a spot and i went up to him and i told him

00:34:40.020 the whole story about how how you know i'd met him and talked to him and stuff and he goes yeah how's

00:34:47.180 your brother he remembered me from this kid from 15 years like that's kind of mind he had the thousands

00:34:53.080 of people that he'd met just recognized your face right well no not my face just the story he was able

00:34:58.400 to piece it together and and i told him i'd been there and he was but he remembered my brother and what

00:35:03.300 my brother did and like i just the guy was a real genius like he was just a vacuum and a really

00:35:08.480 nice guy like again another one that lost your depression like yeah we're just it's no matter

00:35:14.120 how successful you get someone's damaged anyway i better get down there because uh if they introduce 0.74

00:35:21.720 my name i'm gonna have a quite a heart attack running from here our president's gonna fire you

00:35:25.520 anyway thank you guys very much appreciate it cheers thank you so much we'll be down in a minute

00:35:31.460 okay sarah sarah donaldson hop on she's uh just as old as simon and no that was cool man because

00:35:42.740 that's a lot of people don't understand how comedy works they think you're either an open mic or you're

00:35:46.960 just famous like kevin hart they don't know that you can be like just working for 34 years and be

00:35:52.140 like yeah i've done tv shows and comedy clubs all yeah yeah ladies you can actually love a comedian 0.96

00:35:57.580 for 34 years okay ben don't make this all about yourself ruin his career make him stay in canada

00:36:04.840 i'm gonna check my bets i'm gonna check my bets uh i'm losing everything so yeah sarah sarah and i 0.74

00:36:13.140 watched the uh humber night showcase miami heat are losing by fucking 11 no no this is not good if they 0.99

00:36:21.060 lose oh fuck how much do you lose i'm i'll lose i don't know like 10 bucks bullshit well no maybe 40 0.99

00:36:30.600 yeah yeah more than that i already lost like 120 the whole day today yo i'm gonna be a professional 1.00

00:36:36.440 sports gambler like the open mic the fucked up party is like you usually win with like your last like 0.95

00:36:41.020 80 bucks i think there's like something i bet you know what but that's yeah i don't know it's 0.84

00:36:45.960 conspiracy yeah like they just know like okay you spent enough today yeah yeah here we'll let

00:36:50.560 you have one we'll let him have call the runner dollars more than he had yesterday the miami

00:36:55.580 heat will win for ben bankus yeah maybe kyle lowry knows i was thinking about that too like

00:37:02.780 these teams sometimes they're like they're losing by 20 at halftime like whatever boys we're losing

00:37:07.820 this one like let's yeah yeah exactly who gives a shit exactly i mean i'm like they're like i could 0.99

00:37:12.660 pay off that ring i could pay off i could make my life better if this black guy scores right now 1.00

00:37:21.520 awful you can't put your money in the hands of these guys they're gonna go have sex at magic 1.00

00:37:28.540 magic city or whatever go fuck fuck i wish i was in the nba i wish if i could go back and do life 1.00

00:37:34.440 those guys are so tall though they're like i'm like die yeah you're you you're gonna like die 1.00

00:37:39.160 early like a like a yeah you're not no fucking fat ass yo how many fat old people yeah old because 1.00

00:37:47.520 they're fat i'm just saying there's no tall old people yeah i die because you're like fucking 1.00

00:37:52.220 gray ham my grandpa lived to 91 he had alzheimer's and cancer but he was tall as fuck yeah he was like 1.00

00:37:57.240 6'1 6'2 no he was like 6'9 he played for the lakers 6'9 he had uh takashi he had rainbow 0.86

00:38:02.900 played for the tyran bomba clats oh the tyran bomba clats yo i played for the tyran burkas

00:38:09.720 the tyrannical tyrans tyrannical tyranistan tyrannosaurus

00:38:17.160 why didn't you put your burka on this is you don't know how to act in tyrannosaurus 0.99

00:38:24.200 i need my lucky burka i can't get pussy tonight you are we in jurassic park in toronto or 1.00

00:38:29.320 tyrannosaurus rex oh my god no burkas in the stands jurassic park in richmond hill called 0.99

00:38:34.680 tyrannosaurus park why is uh yeah i want to i would go to iran yeah oh yeah jewish hey mark

00:38:44.760 they don't know they'll kill you the mark's work warehouse yeah what'd you get me i got some 0.59

00:38:52.040 markswork warehouse alcohol iran iran's a nice country the government's horrific and uh it's 1.00

00:38:59.560 it it's a nice country yeah i mean it's beautiful but you want me to suck your dick only the tip 1.00

00:39:04.760 while i wear my burka i want to play with the base of your cock so you don't come i am the bad type of 1.00

00:39:10.520 muslim i don't know what accent is sharia law they've got a choice they have a choice of what 1.00

00:39:17.880 they choose that they get to suck someone's dick do they no i think if they don't suck the 1.00

00:39:22.920 dick you have to cut their hand off yeah yeah that's like a real thing no no i'm moving yeah you have 1.00

00:39:29.560 to suck my cock or i'll cut your hand off well i don't know if you could go in there no no i think 1.00

00:39:33.880 you know what it is i think that's for them it's it's if you touch a woman or she's seen without 1.00

00:39:38.840 her scarf it's like she got raped it's harambe yeah that's like wasn't that the gorilla yeah but 0.62

00:39:47.400 it's supposed to be haram but my new joke is that it's like when she doesn't wear the burka 0.90

00:39:53.240 engine that's harambe then it's just a picture of the of the gorilla gorilla the gorilla should have

00:40:00.920 a burka on he's going 1.00

00:40:08.360 my religion better than yours my religion really scary kill gays and blacks and whites and everyone 1.00

00:40:16.360 it's better than i'm from hong kong oh yeah it's better than like 0.99

00:40:19.640 foreign religion is i want to make some money my religion is making an iphone people in the north

00:40:25.080 oh jie jinping made me make an iphone somebody said i'm just one you'll be murdered

00:40:32.600 one iphone one iphone a day oh how many iphones have you made i made 453 221

00:40:41.000 and counting oh assembled in california i work from 6 a.m to 6 a.m 6 a.m

00:40:49.640 what's your work schedule i work 6 a.m to 6 a.m

00:40:56.520 i want 20 of all hours they just keep me plugged in all day they just plug me in

00:41:03.480 they have a lightning crowd if i test positive for covet they throw me from the ledge

00:41:08.280 they make me make the iphone at home remote worker

00:41:12.120 they they send me to canada to work in windows tiny iphone repair shops 0.99

00:41:16.360 what do you have to unscrew the screen oh you need to change your sim card let me use my penis to 0.98

00:41:24.760 open the thing oh they're all equipped with screwdrippers oh you need the micro sd here's a micro sd right 0.98

00:41:32.840 micro you mean that little tiny pin 1.00

00:41:35.640 yeah that's what i said yes change the sd oh my god if a penis if my penis was that small i would kill 1.00

00:41:43.080 myself no you would just be really good at no yeah you'd be really funny oh yeah it'd be so funny 1.00

00:41:47.320 if my you would was needle thin yes yeah because you could pull it out and be like this is my closer

00:41:53.000 people would be like i don't see a yeah i know what is this but then it would move to be your opener

00:41:57.320 and it'd be great to be like all right fantastic yes my closer used to be my opener and now 0.99

00:42:01.560 and all i do is show my non-dick micro penis that is also known as a smaller than a clit tool it's 1.00

00:42:08.520 also called a micro sd tool all i want to do is eat but you're not supposed to eat late now because 0.99

00:42:14.120 if you're fat no you're fat too fat stop beating not allowed to eat you gave me beer yeah yeah well 0.99

00:42:19.560 that's drinking dumbass yeah well drinking makes me yeah i know well that sounds like a you problem 0.99

00:42:27.000 honestly it is where's the control you got i just hate that i get hungry at night and i'm not hungry 0.99

00:42:33.480 all day you start your breakfast is at 4 p.m is that bad no that's what you should do intermittent

00:42:39.880 fast it is yeah but you can't eat late i know one hour i ate at like eight so you live like a month

00:42:45.880 and you're hungry now it's eight it's nine thirty i'm like psychologically honestly if you want to lose

00:42:50.680 wait why don't you just celebrate ramadan this year and fast you're already you're already kind

00:42:55.560 of doing that is it ramadan right now no no it's in july but you can make your own man yeah you can

00:43:00.760 make your own ramadan just i don't think it's in july i remember it was during school years by eating

00:43:05.480 ramen for a year and a half yeah that'll be good sodium and noodles crank it in you bud no i know that

00:43:12.600 that's why i hovered because i i was working out so much but i would get hungry and then i'd be sad

00:43:17.640 and then i'd go and get like you're eating your feelings like a little girl yeah i'm going to spin 0.99

00:43:23.800 and then i'm like i don't care i just want to suck the bro destructor's dick so bad i just want to suck 1.00

00:43:29.080 david levinson's dick david levinson guy's got such a good name dude i know and i'm like ben boing 0.99

00:43:37.320 ben bang is four fat indian girl was like can you help me i fell out of my chair 0.99

00:43:47.320 you're like no i'm like i can't get back how many classes have you done only three i'm 26 oh my god

00:43:54.280 she's not gonna ask for help she knows better no she did ask me for help she's like my seat will not

00:43:59.240 was she doing the spin class with like a jug of water she was hiding on you 0.56

00:44:02.440 i don't get hit on yeah that's the only girls that hit on you and spin class are the ones that 1.00

00:44:09.400 look no it's the ones that want green cards hello can you i don't make it in my seat hello you are 0.99

00:44:15.400 also morbidly obese please way fatter indians than you buddy you know what it's like to be morbidly 0.99

00:44:23.320 obese can you help me with my chair you know what it's like having anxiety in a gym 0.99

00:44:26.920 everyone's looking at me because i'm the biggest thing in the room i'm a fat indian you're a fat june 0.99

00:44:34.520 let's just make some stinky kids 1.00

00:44:39.000 oh god yeah i literally the girls wash them like i feel bad because like it's like the same size the 0.97

00:44:44.600 guys washrooms like two showers girls washrooms two showers but the class is all girls right so it's like 0.82

00:44:51.000 what's your own bath so they're all just stinky they just leave stankin yeah and all the guys shower

00:44:57.160 and all the girls are just like i just sweat but it doesn't matter because guys 1.00

00:45:01.000 fuck sweaty pussy yeah sweaty pussy smells kind of like sweaty yeah it's pheromones that's what you 1.00

00:45:06.520 get look at look at what do you think i've been getting laid i know a woman can just be disgustingly 1.00

00:45:11.720 dirty and as long as she's hot i like you checking me out it's nice look at sarah 1.00

00:45:16.520 yeah look at her no thank you scary no i know you do look like he says he wants to 1.00

00:45:21.880 fuck trans but he can't look like the native elder 1.00

00:45:26.840 no shit you look like you're begging for water from trudeau you look like the original 1.00

00:45:30.360 trans you look like you invent you look like your spirit animal is a transgender pioneer of 1.00

00:45:35.560 transgender absolutely you're two spirits a long time you look like you look like you invented you 1.00

00:45:41.960 you look like it was i made them all follow me but i didn't do it you look like the photo 0.94

00:45:46.200 someone shows their parents when they're like i want to transition look at this one yeah

00:45:49.720 look at this one well yeah he's killing it right now yeah yeah yeah look at this guy he's so 0.99

00:45:58.520 fuck sarah hates that it's fine i think i'm over it now you're you don't know you're a pretty woman 1.00

00:46:05.160 i'm a babe bud that's why that's you kill it you have lots of sex do you have more 1.00

00:46:09.160 unfortunately maybe if i drink seven i could fuck you what seven that's it good thing i brought 24 1.00

00:46:15.160 just drink it 24 and i'm like okay sarah rape me now buddy rape you i'm just waiting for you to 1.00

00:46:22.360 hit we're going back to pembroke don't think i'm not think waiting for you to hit rock bottom pal 0.99

00:46:28.600 she bought me nachos during the humber night i love that one bit you have where you're like

00:46:33.320 what is it like hot guys get sad too oh absolutely chris this is my high time it's christmas 0.92

00:46:39.960 oh yeah i know it's fucking crazy you're like oh you didn't get gifts for your kids this year 1.00

00:46:46.040 hey how about i suck your god right absolutely oh you hate your wife yeah i know she's a 1.00

00:46:49.960 bitch yeah i hate her too bro yeah when i first met you we were like 1.00

00:46:54.760 god go for it you said something about um some guy like facetiming his like girlfriend 1.00

00:47:02.840 you like blow him oh right right right right that's gang that was fun that was fun

00:47:08.040 like that you checked me out after that it was nice did i that's no he did that was great no i 0.99

00:47:14.200 know he is i'm my dick still works sorry i don't have a don't think it won't happen 1.00

00:47:19.960 what do you think my dick doesn't work i have a child yeah you could have just came in a cup 1.00

00:47:24.600 and oh yeah yeah that's how people get pregnant yeah some no morbidly 1.00

00:47:28.840 no it's easier than ever and then after covid guys got more sad people 0.99

00:47:35.160 fuck better than skinny people yeah i did see that sure yeah for sure it feels better in the 1.00

00:47:40.840 pussy doesn't know your eyes yeah that's half of it oh yeah good reach that's why you're not gonna 1.00

00:47:47.320 lose any weight buddy for men it's half of it men are visual they look at pussy they want to see the 1.00

00:47:52.360 pussy yeah they want to look at the titties while they're fucking yeah women that's why men want to 1.00

00:47:56.360 choke a woman because they just want to see her being choked yeah but the ladies want it too it's 1.00

00:48:00.920 very weird women they want to close their eyes and think about they think they want it 1.00

00:48:06.120 they think they want it i don't know i feel like women want a fat guy they want like a harvey weinstein

00:48:11.400 especially if they've never had it especially if they need a job right

00:48:16.200 are you giving us ladies what are we at we're almost at an hour

00:48:20.520 it's a good episode thank you for everybody we have like uh an informative part with that was

00:48:27.080 great i'm glad you guys researched him so you knew anything well we i just ran into him in the

00:48:31.560 green room i'm like who's this guy are you a comedian he's like yeah i've been here 34 years

00:48:36.040 i've been here 34 years i'm older than both of you yeah literally i'm like do you even do comedy since

00:48:43.240 before my family came to this country what is it what what can you eat late at night like if you get 0.99

00:48:47.640 hungry sarah's pussy water water really yeah i squirt you can do that oh god i know it's awful 0.99

00:48:54.040 they love it watching you guys is like watching oh my god i think we've talked about it let's go 0.99

00:48:59.480 never i know absolutely it would be great you look arvin

00:49:03.560 she should just both of us yeah hilarious how much are we making not a lot i don't know how much 1.00

00:49:12.360 you're paying us i'm paying you i don't think so this fucking native trans get the fuck out of 1.00

00:49:28.200 that's funny oh oh thanks bankers i just want to be able to work out every day and eat like 1.00

00:49:35.720 shit and get fucking fit you'd have to work out all the time what are you eating back in time to 0.97

00:49:40.520 what's your problem i had wings last night two pounds you're not two pounds that's like 1.00

00:49:46.280 pounds 34 i had a pound with you guys and a pound before like three hours before oh my god you just 1.00

00:49:51.960 said 35 dollars it was disgusting that's delicious that's so good you need to walk you fat fuck how 0.99

00:50:00.360 when's the last time you walk bull i walk everywhere i do not walk everywhere yeah yeah 1.00

00:50:05.080 i've been lifting i've been going to the gym for an hour lifting weights and then i go and

00:50:09.480 do an hour of cardio at uh spin every single day five days a week and on the weekends i just do one

00:50:16.120 or the other so like saturday i'll either just do spin on saturday and then like this weekend i did

00:50:20.760 spin on saturday and sunday i did weights and then you're getting wasted and eating but then i was

00:50:27.960 getting well not wasted but i'd have drinks and then i'd get get high and do coke no we get high

00:50:34.280 and we did uh we went to uh queen mother like two days i went to oh yeah but that was like chicken

00:50:39.480 we go yeah and i think chicken and rice though the rice is bad you know it's carbs the carbs is energy

00:50:44.680 you need carbs but not don't believe in that not if you're fat i guess not late at night not if you're

00:50:49.720 fat no i guess yeah it just sucks because it's like i crave right now i'm craving just like mouth 0.94

00:50:57.080 like eating it's literally water vegetables and fruit i know it sucks it's so that's what it is i 0.71

00:51:04.200 know it's just garbage because all i want to do is eat a salty soup with a bunch of cow soy like yeah 0.85

00:51:13.240 soy is the ultimate i don't care about my body and i just want to look like 0.99

00:51:17.480 shit meal no you just eat it you just don't eat it every day i love uh thai food though like pad 0.94

00:51:24.200 oh yeah the real i like pie pie is probably the best thai food in toronto yeah i like 0.98

00:51:30.040 how's that road that's a good that's the jam do they still have the rest of that like mini bar

00:51:36.280 slash restaurant upstairs i don't go in i always order house and road used to have this little

00:51:41.720 restaurant my buddy used to live in that building on king of like so like he was like a regular 0.96

00:51:46.600 doggie yeah your heroin dealer yeah and fucking yeah no he was just he was my gay friend that i 0.99

00:51:53.560 made come out of the closet because we all called him faggot yeah yeah but i didn't know he was rich 1.00

00:51:59.320 as fuck he's still probably rich but he uh yeah that's why he's not talking to you any little 0.99

00:52:04.120 fucking restaurant above it it was like a bar it was only open at like certain times 0.99

00:52:09.080 and they had skewers so that's like all they had skewers and booze delicious perfect 1.00

00:52:14.760 fucking chicken heart skewers and fuck chicken hearts are so good if you don't like chicken hearts 0.99

00:52:19.880 chicken hearts are amazing when i went to iran it was like i don't even want to 1.00

00:52:23.560 what'd you google it was cardis you're looking at my nudes no yeah yeah i'm looking at sarah

00:52:28.680 donald's nudes trust me i know how to take them oh my god i oh i had the scars only fans just to see

00:52:35.640 who uh subscribes i thought about it and then i realized that uh my tattoos would like blow it like

00:52:42.600 one of your buddies and then you'd be weird about it after what literally the opposite i'm like the best

00:52:49.480 kept secret everyone hits rock bottom and everyone you banged matt baxter remember what 0.99

00:52:55.000 are you talking about bang this morning even when he's sober he's fucking 0.99

00:53:01.080 fucking always no we've been dating no one knows that's so who do you think's been helping him with 0.99

00:53:06.120 the sobriety wow yeah who do you think's buying him is tim hortons i don't believe you not 0.99

00:53:13.240 i don't want to believe it he came to a show he came to the show this weekend with his dad yeah and

00:53:18.760 his dad literally looks like the dollar store version of the owner of jurassic park oh no he's 1.00

00:53:23.720 like bum bum bum bum my son is a crackhead my son's an a and he sucked a tranny's dick what'd you 1.00

00:53:34.360 send me you sent me a video today of like some guy in calgary like some newfoundland oh yeah some 1.00

00:53:38.120 newfoundland guy that was like yo they did calgary blow off the fucking a well he was like oh you're 1.00

00:53:43.400 living in this fucking bunk doing the oils and fields and four guys and there's a one book here 0.99

00:53:48.040 and it's alcoholics anonymous it's a book and then on top he's just saying look at all the dope on it 0.99

00:53:56.520 sort of blow 0.94

00:53:59.080 just kidding i've never done cocaine cocaine sucks nothing good yeah it does 0.80

00:54:05.400 all right this has been a good episode this was a show on patreon we're going to do another one like 0.99

00:54:09.960 this for patreon bonus episode this one's free fuck you guys if you don't pay it's not a 1.00

00:54:16.280 fucking donation suck my dick i need money i have a kid i have a life great sales pitch and uh 1.00

00:54:22.840 is this about a sales pitch oh fuck you losers you didn't pay for my shit fuck you hey i 1.00

00:54:28.200 fucking shout out to james and donald and the makers mark yeah you know what if you guys want 1.00

00:54:33.160 to be real friends of ours give us money every month and show up to our lives very little money 0.98

00:54:37.960 it's six dollars not much no it's really like you literally just sign up and then you forget if 0.99

00:54:42.200 you guys want me to actually get an extra bonus podcast if you listen to this shit in your car 0.99

00:54:47.880 and you're fucking when you're at the gym or you're laughing like at home alone that's no reason to not 1.00

00:54:52.600 go six bucks a month you get like two to four if you're listening to this you've taken girls out on 0.99

00:54:58.280 dates and spent way more than that and not even gotten and then went home and been like i should have

00:55:02.440 got a hook out of my loser guys you're the best uh love you all and uh happy hanukkah love you

00:55:10.360 and bangers bye 0.97

00:55:25.320 and

Bankas Podcast - December 27, 2022

#010 - Spin is Hard w Simon B Cotter ｜ The Bankas Show

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