Bankas Podcast - July 23, 2023


Allahu Elfbar ｜ The Bankas Show - #026


Episode Stats


Length

48 minutes

Words per minute

172.69867

Word count

8,306

Sentence count

828

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Toxicity

256

sentences flagged

Hate speech

59

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the podcast, Daniel, Daniel and Armin discuss the perils of quitting cigarettes and how to deal with it. We also talk about the benefits of ice baths and saunas and ice baths.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 perfect guys welcome back welcome to the podcast thank you armin these are my friends these are
00:00:08.120 my only friends uh everybody i wish death upon daily uh other comedians people don't know this
00:00:16.280 that there are other comedians out there i am competing against um hordes of mentally challenged 1.00
00:00:25.720 mentally um i think i just saw a ufo outside mentally uh these people are mentally 0.88
00:00:32.740 there's lights in the sky i am seeing lights everyone is crazy but me i basically smoked
00:00:43.940 weed and ate a pizza today and felt like i had als for six hours yeah we did we did 20 minutes of the
00:00:49.900 best podcast known to men and we haven't decided if that's that you've already heard it already or
00:00:55.160 we have not or if that is paid it might have to be paid just because you guys should have to pay
00:01:01.440 to laugh um i don't know do you ever like do you ever just completely like collapse like mentally
00:01:08.660 like do you ever eat three meals for lunch you ever eat what a homeless shelter gives out in a day
00:01:15.420 you ever go to a soup kitchen and help yourself
00:01:18.060 and then and then you're like why am i sleeping
00:01:23.520 how much food do you think i ate compared to you guys today two thousand calories minimum for lunch
00:01:29.960 that short plate was at least a thousand calories and then like though there was no
00:01:35.700 salad like yeah but the garlic sauce the garlic sauce well that's what gets you i told you not to get
00:01:43.540 i think i'm gonna get als from like sauce this guy had too many condiments and his brain don't work
00:01:49.560 no no it's definitely gonna be the things you put the sauce on this that this has formaldehyde in it
00:01:56.800 these vapes we gotta go back to cigarettes bro you think no i like these more i feel like i think
00:02:03.000 clear cigarettes i definitely feel like my brain i honestly think that like propaganda is so effective
00:02:08.300 because like i could literally feel completely fine vaping and then somebody's like you know that's
00:02:13.060 a million times worse than cigarettes like they'll just say that like a random person yeah like
00:02:17.180 they're right but it's like you're not right there's this not true like when i was smoking cigarettes i
00:02:23.520 literally felt like i was gonna die all the time today when you actually died no but i almost think
00:02:29.820 like me getting ultra tired after quitting cigarettes is like a potential side effect just from
00:02:35.380 because your body's just like recovering from like i've been smoking cigarettes every day for
00:02:41.420 15 years
00:02:44.100 i am cigarettes i know i don't feel well you don't look well dude no you that's why i gained a little
00:02:58.300 bit of weight i kind of wish we filmed a bit of you just to sleep on the couch while daniel and i
00:03:02.600 just were on our phones i took some pictures yeah good ben bang because we were doing a podcast and
00:03:08.840 then he got sleepy so we had nap time i just was in those i i sometimes i get in these moods where i
00:03:14.080 like can't be a functional adult functional person i'm just like and i just yeah i just
00:03:20.180 too much pizza the gluten you're like you're like a kid after a birthday party like i had too much
00:03:30.200 pizza he's just like snorlax he's just like uh i know i had to use like an energy stone to wake
00:03:35.580 him up
00:03:36.440 well ben bankus has appeared that's what 20 minutes is if you want to know what ben bankus is
00:03:43.200 the 20 minutes of the first podcast is it was me calling him fat
00:03:47.520 20 minutes of the most epic fat jokes
00:03:51.020 honestly like i that was my a-game bro i middled i just middled for you guys
00:03:58.660 i think i need to go to um like uh
00:04:04.400 like a yoga yoga retreat like an ice bath like i do an ice bath every like i want to go to like a
00:04:12.300 other ship yoga other camp other ship camp yeah yeah like just like so if you don't know other
00:04:20.060 ship is like a sauna and ice bath place it's like a place in toronto that i haven't been in a while
00:04:25.760 but when i was going there that was a good time when we were going dude when i was health when i was
00:04:30.640 working out every day you stopped yourself from saying healthy
00:04:33.720 well i was healthier i was you were healthier i was smoking cigarettes yeah it's probably why you lost
00:04:39.620 so much weight honestly dirty definitely helps all right but it would feel so i feel like such a
00:04:46.140 dirt bag when i'd spend 55 dollars to go to uh other ship like that's what the entrance fee is
00:04:52.380 for 75 minutes of you can go in the ice bath as many times as you want and you can go in the sauna as
00:04:57.480 long as whatever and they have like water and tea and like just a couple of chinese girls who go 1.00
00:05:02.380 but um yeah so it's like i'd leave there and just start smoking a cigarette right away i know i did
00:05:14.040 that with you i just feel like such a piece of garbage i kind of liked it though it was like oh 0.51
00:05:17.700 nice this is this cigarette feels better than the other ones because there was 75 minutes in between 0.86
00:05:21.800 but i did feel like this i i feel like like when i would before have a cigarette sometimes i just go 0.94
00:05:28.060 like this this i want to just go this i just want to do another shit i'm gonna be in the sauna and hit 0.97
00:05:33.500 this yo can i bring my vape my stealth vape and turn in a boomeross i get stressed out in the ice bath 0.99
00:05:41.260 yeah i i like being healthy and it's harder to be healthy when you are a father because
00:05:51.900 you're you're kind of even incentivized by like if whoever if you have if you're a man you have a 0.99
00:05:59.240 kid your woman like your woman just wants you to be fat now too she doesn't really give a shit like 1.00
00:06:04.580 there's part of it's like yeah we had the kid just fucking eat fucking yeah yours pizza what yeah 1.00
00:06:10.500 yeah your girl your girl's like yeah just eat bed just eat snack well you're also eating the leftover 0.99
00:06:15.720 food from the kid too yeah there's always parents do that so they always like gain weight oh i heard about
00:06:21.060 that you know we went to cheesecake factory in the day there was like what like dahlia's leftovers
00:06:27.540 were like i was like eating them at like 2 a.m oh eating my daughter's food
00:06:34.180 it's a tough being fat sucks it's the worst thing you can be in our society and half the society 0.99
00:06:47.620 sound like a white girl about to cry 1.00
00:06:49.380 being fat sucks and like no one loves me and i'm just alone no i know it does okay well it's better 1.00
00:07:02.380 to be fat as a guy no i would argue it's better to be fat as a woman because it's more fetishized 1.00
00:07:07.480 and it's more body positive like people support you more as a guy it's like if yeah but somebody can 0.99
00:07:12.560 love a fat guy yeah yeah somebody will fuck a fat girl but not really be like my god and then i 0.99
00:07:19.220 fucked her and it was that's true but how much does that fat guy make some of them not that like i see 1.00
00:07:24.820 some fat guys with families out here yeah coming out thank you okay but are they fat did they meet 0.99
00:07:31.520 when they were fat or did he get fat post family is the question because i've seen that too where the
00:07:36.220 guy just balloons and the girl kind of stays a little thinner yeah and then she's just like loyal 1.00
00:07:42.700 she's like a good chick and he's like fuck it you know yeah i think that they don't that's a good 0.96
00:07:50.580 question i don't know how to find the answers to that question but that's like i think a lot of the 0.99
00:07:56.140 guys are just fat to begin with and then they're not that fat though yeah and then yeah the girl's like 1.00
00:08:04.400 oh you're not that fat and then like i don't i honestly i don't know because there's there is 0.92
00:08:11.220 some reason that women like fat guys it's because their dads are fat fat guys can be successful and 1.00
00:08:17.780 like be funny well it's also like you know a fat guy is not gonna cheat because that's a lot of
00:08:22.880 exercise it's a lot to go through
00:08:25.700 yeah that's facts yo
00:08:35.520 yo i never cheated because i was out of breath you know what i mean
00:08:43.700 i never cheated on my girl but i ate dominoes at 2 a.m in bed
00:08:54.840 no i uh
00:08:57.940 yeah being single would be i'd probably be thinner
00:09:03.300 i'd hope yeah
00:09:07.660 i'd hope so
00:09:10.120 i'd hope so
00:09:11.320 it'd be really weird if you got single you got even fatter 1.00
00:09:16.620 you doubled down on just never getting pussy 0.99
00:09:20.620 i don't know i just feel like everything every activity when you have a kid is just like 0.99
00:09:26.360 we have to eat now
00:09:28.700 morning now it's like before it's like when you're a single you're like i don't eat breakfast really
00:09:34.440 yeah it's like every dahlia has like your kid has to have breakfast 1.00
00:09:38.380 yeah why do you have to have breakfast
00:09:39.900 i don't know
00:09:41.580 i don't i don't but i'm hungry because i see somebody eating
00:09:45.400 smell food
00:09:48.640 i'm addicted to food it's not like
00:09:51.980 it's an addiction it's an addiction 0.99
00:09:54.380 is it not an addiction when you pull up and a guy goes i'm getting pizza and you go i'm getting a fucking shawarma 0.98
00:10:01.760 and you drive away and then 0.81
00:10:03.680 well you got it as a healthier alternative and then when we got to daniel's door you were like
00:10:07.560 i'm gonna it's kind of funny there was like a car accident in between that
00:10:11.060 i know
00:10:11.780 not our car but
00:10:13.720 we literally like the place where i got a shawarma and the place where we went to go get batteries is like the same intersection
00:10:20.360 i'm just there like 0.98
00:10:22.400 jesus christ where's my fucking shawarma 0.98
00:10:25.420 and then we get in the car and drive back to his place like the other way 0.99
00:10:30.300 and then
00:10:32.120 oh there's no batteries in the
00:10:34.180 we like 0.99
00:10:34.600 every time we set up this fucking 1.00
00:10:36.300 thing 1.00
00:10:37.700 the bat there's no we're missing something
00:10:40.320 because we don't have
00:10:41.660 we got the batteries
00:10:43.000 we need like a guy
00:10:44.320 who's not a comedian
00:10:46.080 who's part of this
00:10:47.300 who doesn't 0.99
00:10:48.140 no but i mean like a fucking intern that like is literally not on camera that's like 0.99
00:11:00.440 i i have plug in things 0.99
00:11:02.780 well yeah i know i have extra batteries
00:11:05.140 if you're a corporation can you like give like a ryerson film student like a
00:11:08.340 course credit
00:11:09.800 I mean, yeah.
00:11:11.140 Yeah.
00:11:12.080 At Ryerson, you guys want to...
00:11:13.660 A course credit, but maybe.
00:11:14.820 There's courses they do, and they have to co-op somewhere.
00:11:17.980 Here's where I help with the human-monkey hybrid. 1.00
00:11:20.140 I know, literally.
00:11:20.960 Here's where I put black paint on Ben Bankis' face.
00:11:25.440 Get a special effects credit.
00:11:28.160 A makeup artist.
00:11:29.760 I did black face for Ben Bankis.
00:11:31.740 I made Ben Bankis look like Jack Meetsing.
00:11:35.320 Gang, gang.
00:11:36.080 There actually is a comedian, like when I was in common, like they'd be like, Ben Bankis,
00:11:43.440 have you heard of Jag Gankis?
00:11:45.540 There's another guy named Jag Gankis.
00:11:48.280 Oh my god, that's like...
00:11:49.800 His actual name.
00:11:50.700 That's like, you know, Reverse Flash?
00:11:53.280 That's your Reverse Flash.
00:11:55.500 It's a Ben Bankis that's really woke.
00:11:58.300 I'm from the future.
00:11:59.140 He's like this tattooed guy.
00:12:00.700 He's like, hey man, Jag.
00:12:04.620 Jag Gankis.
00:12:05.540 Imagine if that guy was famous.
00:12:08.020 You think that guy digs an ep?
00:12:09.200 I mean, my last name is bad enough.
00:12:12.620 Is it?
00:12:13.740 Well, it's funny when people are like fans of mine and they're like, I watch your videos
00:12:17.920 every day.
00:12:18.360 I'm such a big Ben Bankis fan.
00:12:20.820 Oh yeah, yeah.
00:12:21.780 No, I've heard one.
00:12:22.580 What did that one guy say your name?
00:12:23.800 Ben Benakis?
00:12:24.800 Ben Benakis.
00:12:25.540 Ben Benakis is a good one.
00:12:27.200 That's a crazy one.
00:12:27.900 I always used to get Benakis in high school. 0.78
00:12:30.780 Benakis is insane.
00:12:31.560 Like I scored a goal in hockey in like the championship game and they were like, goal scored by number
00:12:35.760 seven, Ben Benakis. 0.96
00:12:36.900 My mom like went up to the fucking room and actually told the guy like, it's Bankis. 0.99
00:12:45.340 And then out of nowhere, like 10 minutes later in the middle of the game for no reason, you 0.99
00:12:48.860 just heard this.
00:12:50.040 Bankis.
00:12:52.840 That's actually so funny. 1.00
00:12:54.880 That guy was like, fuck this bitch, mom. 1.00
00:12:58.720 Bonkers. 1.00
00:12:59.120 Ben Ben-Bomber-Clot.
00:13:05.480 Correction.
00:13:06.520 Bankis. 1.00
00:13:07.880 Everyone's like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:13:09.540 That's when the dementia started. 1.00
00:13:16.780 It was so bad too, because it was like, my high school hockey thing was kind of fucked 0.99
00:13:23.280 up. 0.55
00:13:23.460 Oh my God, there's some massive lightning in the sky.
00:13:26.320 Oh my God, weather is not controlled by Dendon.
00:13:29.620 That's probably why all those planes were like, take off now.
00:13:32.960 Take off.
00:13:34.180 But the hockey team, I played for Harvard Collegiate's hockey team and like we randomly had a good
00:13:40.320 team.
00:13:41.160 Like we never had a good team, but for my year, my four year, like there was a bunch
00:13:46.520 of like, like it was all Chinese kids and then the only white kids were all in GTHL. 0.98
00:13:51.340 Like they were all like single and double A and triple A and they were all just like fucking, 0.98
00:13:54.540 yeah, I ripped hockey. 0.91
00:13:56.460 And then they, so, but the first year I played when I think I was in grade nine, we were in
00:14:02.920 like the top tier.
00:14:04.700 So we were in like the, the higher and like it was, kids were in junior B playing us and
00:14:10.000 we were like double A maybe.
00:14:11.740 And kids were, and they were grade 12, so we were grade nine and they were just murdering
00:14:16.440 us.
00:14:16.640 Like my one friend had his whole shoulder dislocated. 0.97
00:14:19.220 He was a literal tiny little grade nine, some grade 12 kid just fucking just annihilated 0.96
00:14:25.840 because only in high school could you do that. 0.95
00:14:27.680 Like in GTHL, it was like, I think grade nine and tens playing together and then grade 11
00:14:32.940 and 12s, but it was all of us. 0.99
00:14:35.160 And so it was just fucked up. 0.99
00:14:36.300 And then we got demoted to like the shittier league. 1.00
00:14:38.580 And then, then we just started killing it.
00:14:40.280 Cause we were like the, we were like the worst of that.
00:14:42.360 Yeah.
00:14:42.560 But you're the best of the worst.
00:14:43.900 Yeah.
00:14:44.080 Best of the worst.
00:14:44.780 And like other teams that we were playing, like had kids like in house league, like had
00:14:49.320 kids, just pylons.
00:14:50.740 They didn't even, a couple of teams didn't have jerseys.
00:14:53.400 They were all just wearing random jerseys.
00:14:55.460 This is a guy.
00:14:56.300 Yeah.
00:14:56.620 And it was like some French school and it was like hitting was allowed.
00:15:01.120 So it wasn't like, it was the weirdest league ever.
00:15:03.780 It made no sense because it's like, okay, hitting full contact with house league kids,
00:15:10.520 but you guys are in GTHL and have full training and know how to do this.
00:15:14.120 It can annihilate these kids. 1.00
00:15:16.200 And a couple of times, like we had kids like get so mad.
00:15:19.380 Like there's this one guy, I think his name was Dave Sousa or something.
00:15:23.020 Dave Ruka.
00:15:23.880 Dave Ruka.
00:15:24.860 No, he was also, he was Italian or Portuguese or something.
00:15:27.500 And like some kid did something and he like turned around, just, he slashed the kid in
00:15:30.900 the shin as hard as he possibly could.
00:15:32.540 And it was like a tiny little skinny little grade nine kid.
00:15:36.380 And he was kind of like a jacked, like, yo, I play hockey. 0.97
00:15:41.040 It was just like the kid was crying. 1.00
00:15:43.060 It was just fucked. 1.00
00:15:43.780 That's insane. 0.99
00:15:45.180 But yeah, we, and then, so we just started winning and like both championship years,
00:15:48.920 we just like won the championship game like six nothing.
00:15:51.420 It was retarded. 1.00
00:15:53.540 It's crazy. 0.97
00:15:56.220 Now I am obese.
00:15:57.640 Ben Banakis.
00:15:58.740 Ben Banakis.
00:16:00.500 Hockey star.
00:16:01.500 Ben Bananas.
00:16:02.540 I was hockey team and I, I was in the school play, which is pretty good.
00:16:08.820 Whoa, this guy, he got molested twice.
00:16:11.220 What was the school play? 0.99
00:16:13.920 Molested by a straight guy and a gay guy. 1.00
00:16:16.280 This guy was raped eight ways from Sunday. 1.00
00:16:22.100 This guy's hole was used. 0.99
00:16:23.640 No, it wasn't the school play.
00:16:26.060 There was a school play.
00:16:27.220 Yeah.
00:16:27.600 That everybody thought was gay at my school.
00:16:30.060 Like literally nobody tried it. 1.00
00:16:32.020 Like it was just like, they did like Hamlet and shit. 0.79
00:16:34.200 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.90
00:16:35.380 Like people like, no. 0.94
00:16:37.880 A couple losers did it and their parents would go. 0.69
00:16:41.280 But then my English teacher was just like this guy who was like a big, like he was an actor and whatever. 0.96
00:16:50.140 Kind of.
00:16:50.760 No.
00:16:51.020 He was similarly you. 0.88
00:16:52.080 He was a failed actor.
00:16:53.800 Yeah. 1.00
00:16:54.300 But he was like, he did acting as like a full, like, God is like PhD, like some bullshit. 0.96
00:17:00.040 Like I got my master's. 0.98
00:17:01.020 You got a master's in not getting callbacks.
00:17:02.900 Yeah.
00:17:03.100 I'm the master.
00:17:06.900 I'm not getting the part, bro.
00:17:08.220 It was like theater.
00:17:09.040 Like he was doing theater.
00:17:10.160 Right.
00:17:10.540 Right. 1.00
00:17:10.660 And then he was like, fuck it. 1.00
00:17:11.620 I'll just go to like Australia and do the like teacher thing. 1.00
00:17:15.580 Like, yeah, he was a party guy, too.
00:17:17.760 He's good.
00:17:18.340 Look, he was Jewish, too.
00:17:19.800 But he didn't look Jewish, but he kind of did. 0.50
00:17:21.200 But he was like.
00:17:22.320 But in English, he taught us all of the 1984.
00:17:26.420 Right.
00:17:27.160 The Brave New World.
00:17:28.440 All the Vognate.
00:17:30.700 And like he just was like on it.
00:17:32.540 Made up on track.
00:17:33.220 Anti-vax kids.
00:17:34.460 Yeah.
00:17:35.080 No, but he made kids like.
00:17:37.360 No, I know.
00:17:37.920 He made you think.
00:17:38.540 He would get fights with other teachers and be like vocal about it in class and be like, 0.99
00:17:42.180 I fucking hate Miss Ku. 1.00
00:17:44.300 He hated this fat Chinese teacher. 1.00
00:17:46.980 I'm like seeing the beginnings of Ben Bancost in this English class. 0.92
00:17:50.280 Yeah. 0.99
00:17:50.560 Hate Chinese people. 1.00
00:17:51.680 Communism. 1.00
00:17:55.060 Yeah. 0.98
00:17:55.500 He hated this fat, the fat art teacher, Miss Ku, because she was running the other play. 1.00
00:17:59.560 Right. 0.98
00:17:59.940 And like she would try to steal the resources from like.
00:18:02.460 Oh, I mean, like you can't have the sound people today.
00:18:05.920 And like it's for the real play.
00:18:07.980 And he'd be and he'd be like.
00:18:11.080 He'd be on his flip phone, like yelling at her, like, you realize that we're performing in two days at Central Tech.
00:18:17.580 Oh, no.
00:18:18.400 You realize we're going to die tomorrow.
00:18:20.240 So we had.
00:18:21.120 So he did this genius thing, though, of making the play into a field trip.
00:18:26.500 Oh, that's very Jewish thinking, bro. 0.99
00:18:28.280 Yeah.
00:18:28.580 It was a loophole.
00:18:29.480 It was like a loophole.
00:18:30.580 So it was like we did the play at Central Tech.
00:18:34.040 And like our whole school went as a field trip to Central Tech.
00:18:37.420 Yeah.
00:18:37.760 Because you guys had a big, big.
00:18:39.320 Yeah.
00:18:39.540 We had a sick auditorium.
00:18:40.660 Yeah.
00:18:41.080 And like we did that play there.
00:18:42.520 And like we cry.
00:18:43.340 And it was funny.
00:18:44.060 It was a funny play. 1.00
00:18:44.880 It was about zombies and stupid shit. 1.00
00:18:46.680 Yeah. 1.00
00:18:47.000 And it was like people like the girl in the play was like, oh, that girl sucked my day. 1.00
00:18:52.820 It was just funny to see that happening.
00:18:55.560 Yeah.
00:18:56.280 And anyway.
00:18:59.780 That's how it all.
00:19:00.440 That's how it all started.
00:19:01.180 What was the point?
00:19:01.740 There was a point.
00:19:02.300 I don't know.
00:19:02.940 You were talking about how you were on your school play and hockey team.
00:19:06.760 Oh, yeah.
00:19:06.980 The hockey team and school play.
00:19:09.920 Yeah.
00:19:10.460 At the same time.
00:19:11.700 And I won an award of excellence. 0.92
00:19:15.380 I killed.
00:19:16.200 So my first laugh was like running and like falling perfectly and like sliding off the stage or something.
00:19:22.640 And it just got this massive laugh.
00:19:24.280 And I did a couple like improv.
00:19:26.240 And I just remember my teacher being like the improv is crazy when you were just like doing rent. 0.95
00:19:30.500 Like all of a sudden you were like doing shit that you'd never done before. 0.99
00:19:33.440 And I fucking learned the lines of that like so hard. 0.99
00:19:36.740 Like I concentrated on that. 0.99
00:19:39.920 And that's what that's honestly if I wasn't for that teacher, he literally saw me just like stone in class one day.
00:19:46.280 I was like, you need to like, what if would you act?
00:19:49.060 Would you be an actor?
00:19:50.080 And I was like, yes.
00:19:51.880 Let's do a play.
00:19:53.000 You know, I was bored like I was playing hockey after school and stuff like every team I played for. 0.99
00:20:00.020 All the kids were just like stoner, like loser retards. 1.00
00:20:02.640 And like it was just it was sad that I made my mom fucking drive me to fucking Scarborough every day. 1.00
00:20:09.220 All these fucking arenas with these loser mom, other moms, loser parents. 1.00
00:20:13.940 The one kid got arrested for stealing from No Frills. 1.00
00:20:16.800 He worked at No Frills.
00:20:17.940 Jesus, that's so sad, bro.
00:20:19.740 Not even love.
00:20:20.380 He had a tattoo on his pubes of like of No Frills.
00:20:24.520 His grandfather's death.
00:20:26.020 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:20:29.260 Yeah, that's pretty fucking that's fucked up, Dougie. 1.00
00:20:32.560 That's double league or whatever. 1.00
00:20:33.980 No, little league.
00:20:35.020 I was really trying to pretend I knew what you were talking about.
00:20:37.500 That was single A. 0.64
00:20:38.200 That was so different than my hockey experience.
00:20:39.920 Toronto Penguins.
00:20:40.920 Yeah, his hockey experience was like, my coach blew me.
00:20:43.800 Which team did you play?
00:20:44.820 Avenue Road Mighty Duck.
00:20:45.820 So it's like the, it was the Jewish hockey team.
00:20:47.180 The what?
00:20:48.060 Avenue Road Select.
00:20:49.380 Oh, sorry, sorry.
00:20:50.260 I thought you said like Avi Reed.
00:20:52.080 No, Avenue Road Mighty Ducks.
00:20:59.020 Yeah.
00:20:59.400 Mighty Ducks.
00:21:00.040 We were the Jewish team.
00:21:01.080 So we didn't play on Shabbat.
00:21:03.340 And that was, and it was the Jewish league.
00:21:06.420 And then we were the select team from that.
00:21:07.700 So what, you just were like disqualified from any Shabbat game?
00:21:11.160 No, they just wouldn't schedule.
00:21:12.280 DNF.
00:21:12.760 Like we didn't play on Fridays and Saturdays.
00:21:17.740 So did you guys win?
00:21:20.240 Yeah.
00:21:20.480 We were one of the better teams in the league because like, it was like all the, because
00:21:24.480 all the other kids were also Jewish.
00:21:28.760 Was it, who did you play?
00:21:30.220 Like Forest Hill Select?
00:21:31.200 We played Forest Hill Select, North Toronto, Burlington, not Burlington.
00:21:34.200 Honestly, Select is like cool.
00:21:36.380 Like, yeah.
00:21:37.260 And then there were some good hockey players in Select that didn't want to play single A
00:21:40.960 or double A.
00:21:41.180 We did Select practices and games and tournaments.
00:21:43.620 And then you also play like house league once a week and just like went on, like just,
00:21:47.240 I don't know, it was like it was just like trying to 1v5 the teams and like score.
00:21:52.720 And that was the game.
00:21:53.320 Storm looks really scary.
00:21:54.860 Yeah.
00:21:55.080 God's getting mad that the Jewish person's talking about his hockey experience. 0.85
00:21:58.620 Yeah.
00:21:58.920 Go back to talking about money.
00:22:03.040 You'll never be an athlete.
00:22:05.180 That would suck if the power went out.
00:22:07.040 But it wouldn't matter because all of our stuff's wireless.
00:22:10.900 Wires.
00:22:12.100 Batteries.
00:22:12.500 We got the batteries.
00:22:17.640 Yeah, I never played sports.
00:22:19.140 Did you smoke cigarettes in high school?
00:22:21.560 Uh, a little bit and then I quit.
00:22:24.660 I like basically just started smoking at like 50.
00:22:28.220 I was like 17 when I really started smoking.
00:22:32.060 And then I quit when I was like 19, 20 for a bit.
00:22:35.040 And then I came back and then I quit again and then I came back.
00:22:38.580 Apparently that's worse.
00:22:39.580 No, smoking is bad.
00:22:42.080 Not smoking is good.
00:22:44.820 Yeah, what the?
00:22:45.800 You're going to get cancer faster. 0.99
00:22:47.600 People who smoke make up weird fucking like reasons. 0.98
00:22:52.300 Like I remember I worked with this guy. 0.98
00:22:55.520 Mike Wozniak.
00:22:58.020 I'm dying.
00:23:01.720 He looked like Captain Underpants.
00:23:06.240 Oh, you told me about this guy.
00:23:07.420 Yeah, Wozniak or whatever.
00:23:09.580 He's like six feet.
00:23:11.460 He's like taller than you.
00:23:12.420 Like big.
00:23:13.040 Like basically like a. 0.72
00:23:14.320 Not like if you were shorter, you would be really fat.
00:23:16.760 But he wasn't really fat because he was funny.
00:23:18.040 No, he was just a big giant.
00:23:19.700 Yeah.
00:23:20.240 Giant guy.
00:23:22.120 Smoke darts. 1.00
00:23:23.720 Darts look like little fucking. 1.00
00:23:25.040 They look like slims. 1.00
00:23:26.160 That's funny.
00:23:27.060 It's funny.
00:23:28.720 And but yeah, I remember I would try to quit and he'd be like, you know, it's worse for
00:23:32.460 you to try to quit and then do it again.
00:23:34.620 Might as well just smoke. 1.00
00:23:35.800 What the fuck? 1.00
00:23:36.640 Fucking logic is that, bro? 1.00
00:23:38.980 You're bald. 1.00
00:23:40.540 What do you know? 1.00
00:23:42.080 Remember bitch sticks? 1.00
00:23:43.160 He never. 0.99
00:23:43.340 He always was like, I'm never going to have kids.
00:23:46.400 Yeah.
00:23:46.700 Because he looks like a big baby.
00:23:47.900 I want to see another one.
00:23:52.940 No, remember?
00:23:53.780 He was actually really cool, though.
00:23:55.020 I actually like the weird part was I really liked him and he like hated me.
00:23:59.780 Or so like like at first he liked me like I'd make him laugh really hard and shit like 0.97
00:24:04.060 I'd say shit and he would laugh like really hard. 0.99
00:24:06.400 Yeah. 1.00
00:24:06.540 He had like a big like.
00:24:09.580 But like after a while, I think he started getting like annoyed with it because I was
00:24:13.640 like like it's you started just being like, oh, this is a guy.
00:24:16.080 If you're in real estate and you're trying really hard, it's annoying.
00:24:18.660 Right.
00:24:18.940 Right.
00:24:19.100 To older guys because they're just like, you just you fill out the thing and you do the 0.82
00:24:23.940 thing and you make 80 grand and shut up. 0.81
00:24:26.860 And you're just like, what do you think is really a good rental rate?
00:24:30.760 You know what I mean?
00:24:31.380 Like you're so into it because you're young and they're just like, oh, I got my clients. 1.00
00:24:36.960 I don't need this shit. 0.98
00:24:38.120 It's just like comedy because we were like set up with mentors when I did commercial real 0.99
00:24:42.100 estate.
00:24:42.540 Right.
00:24:42.820 And it's like.
00:24:44.600 You.
00:24:45.220 You had a bad bank.
00:24:46.080 They didn't want you.
00:24:46.660 They didn't want it to happen.
00:24:48.060 But you were like, great.
00:24:49.100 You're my mentor. 1.00
00:24:49.760 And they're like, oh, fuck. 1.00
00:24:51.040 It's kind of like this relationship here. 1.00
00:24:52.820 Kind of.
00:24:53.680 This guy's teaching me everything.
00:24:55.300 Except they don't need like a young guy really to do anything.
00:24:58.660 They don't need someone to press play on the open house.
00:25:01.380 You got to open the open house.
00:25:05.520 Yeah.
00:25:06.000 And I'll start going downhill when I moved to Collier's and they started asking me to perform
00:25:10.400 comedy in front of the company.
00:25:13.240 Lord.
00:25:13.600 I did a bunch of tranny jokes at the. 0.95
00:25:15.220 Come on.
00:25:17.960 They didn't like that, bro.
00:25:19.000 They loved it.
00:25:19.600 Oh, they loved it.
00:25:20.420 But but it was so weird because then I was going to Equinox at the time, which is like
00:25:23.760 an expensive gym.
00:25:24.780 Right. 1.00
00:25:25.260 Steam room and shit. 1.00
00:25:26.140 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:26.280 And I like was in the steam room and like like one of the top guys who was doing he was
00:25:32.100 doing like eight hundred thousand square feet or something like he was making like eight
00:25:36.880 million dollars off one deal. 0.99
00:25:38.000 It was just retarded. 1.00
00:25:39.520 And he was just like, oh, you're pretty funny. 1.00
00:25:42.300 And like he was like being in the steam room and shit. 1.00
00:25:45.320 But I was like, yeah, he's trying to fuck you. 1.00
00:25:48.760 Maybe I was like, but what I never understood was why can't one of you guys take me under 1.00
00:25:57.640 your wing?
00:25:57.980 Because that was in real estate.
00:25:59.980 The only commercial real estate office.
00:26:02.100 People don't even know what that is.
00:26:03.040 They assume it's buying income properties for people, which technically is commercial real
00:26:07.420 estate, too.
00:26:08.800 But that like a lot of people go, oh, you're buying properties for other people.
00:26:12.180 So they invest in.
00:26:13.200 No, it's office leasing. 1.00
00:26:14.800 It's like moving people like fucking offices. 0.99
00:26:17.220 Right. 0.99
00:26:17.900 People like random companies like.
00:26:19.560 Like, you know, so the only real way to make money in that business is like an older guy
00:26:27.780 who's established is like, OK, I like this kid.
00:26:29.960 I'm going to like start cutting him in on some stuff.
00:26:32.140 And then basically like comedy.
00:26:34.080 It's like comedy.
00:26:35.000 It's basically the same.
00:26:36.340 Exactly like that's why it's like I'm people are like, how did Ben figure out how to run
00:26:40.900 the bin and work to progress on colors?
00:26:44.340 Literally.
00:26:44.740 Your eyes got so.
00:26:45.760 Yeah.
00:26:46.380 Yeah.
00:26:46.780 I did an open house at the theater.
00:26:53.060 I sold out.
00:26:55.480 But like, no, there's so many similarities.
00:26:57.880 Like I would call businesses and book meetings for them to blah, blah, blah, because I was
00:27:03.140 selling the product I was selling was, hey, I'll help you with your space.
00:27:07.160 Right.
00:27:07.600 Now the product I'm selling is I going to be racist here. 0.99
00:27:10.440 I'm going to say Chinese monkey in your building. 1.00
00:27:16.780 I'm going to almost say the N word for an hour and a half. 0.95
00:27:25.480 Yeah.
00:27:26.300 So the and then you just, yeah.
00:27:30.040 And there's, you know, you just call places that do that.
00:27:34.040 Venues.
00:27:34.440 You heard it here first, guys. 0.88
00:27:37.220 If you want a career in real estate or comedy, you have to be racist. 0.82
00:27:41.500 Also, it's like, OK, commercial real estate was it was literally yuck yucks.
00:27:46.900 If everybody I think I said this the other day, yuck yucks if everybody makes a hundred
00:27:50.240 thousand basically that's what it's just like, yeah, funny people, but they're rich, too.
00:27:54.120 And they're like, oh, watch this. 0.99
00:27:55.220 I'm going to kill a secretary. 1.00
00:27:56.220 They're all like, it's the same thing. 1.00
00:28:00.500 It's like misfits.
00:28:01.580 Yeah.
00:28:02.420 Because it's like, yeah, I couldn't do anything.
00:28:04.700 Exactly.
00:28:05.240 One of the guys was like, I used to sell for like pencils for grand and toy.
00:28:08.780 Now he's making like 400 K some years, 500 K.
00:28:12.520 But he got into it because he was doing sales, like selling like notepads to universe, like 0.99
00:28:17.040 just some bullshit thing. 0.94
00:28:19.100 And then it's like, oh, what if I and then I like I got recruited randomly for commercial 0.98
00:28:24.460 real estate and I didn't even have my license.
00:28:26.620 It was kind of crazy.
00:28:27.460 Like I was doing photocopier sales.
00:28:31.820 Which people don't realize is like a legit door to door business sales like job, maybe
00:28:35.940 not as much now, but that like before the pandemic and like it was already starting to
00:28:41.260 be like those companies were investing in ways for people to get rid of paper like Rico
00:28:47.540 and Xerox and all those companies.
00:28:49.180 They have like their own like software to like get go paperless, but you still have 0.99
00:28:53.680 to buy one of their fucking machines to put the paper in to scan it into fucking and then 1.00
00:28:57.820 you shred it and what it like some bullshit. 1.00
00:28:59.880 But I was going to door to door and I was literally doing door to door sales at a fucking 1.00
00:29:05.160 recruiting office and didn't realize it. 0.98
00:29:06.940 And then like the like I was like, she was like, look, we just got a photocopier or whatever.
00:29:11.360 I'm like, well, can I like get the card of the guy who does it so I can just put it in
00:29:14.800 my file and call him in like six months.
00:29:16.400 And she's like, fine.
00:29:17.860 And I got the number and then the guy comes out, this like nerdy guy. 0.98
00:29:23.260 I fucking I actually forgot about this guy. 0.95
00:29:25.760 He was this nerdy guy. 0.99
00:29:28.380 Who really wanted to be a recruiter. 0.80
00:29:31.040 He was almost gay, but he wasn't. 0.99
00:29:33.700 He was like buyer.
00:29:34.860 He was like in an open relationship or something.
00:29:37.320 And he was like, you'd be perfect.
00:29:40.560 Have you ever thought about doing something else?
00:29:42.400 I'm like, yes, like you like you as soon as like basically when you're in sales, you're 0.86
00:29:46.440 a whore to anybody who offers you a new sales job or you're getting 40 K plus commission. 0.99
00:29:51.440 I'll give you 80. 1.00
00:29:52.060 Like, it's just like any sell any random stupid thing. 1.00
00:29:56.680 So I fucking took it. 1.00
00:29:58.860 I went through the process. 1.00
00:30:00.180 I went to the meetings.
00:30:01.460 I, you know, I lied on the resumes and whatever I had to do.
00:30:07.540 So you went to Queen's University.
00:30:11.680 Graduated.
00:30:13.100 Like, I never wrote graduated.
00:30:14.800 You just said you went.
00:30:15.800 I just went those years and they were like, you graduated.
00:30:18.200 I would just go. 0.99
00:30:22.920 And they didn't really give a fuck. 0.99
00:30:24.600 And then I had they like basically paid me a salary while I got my real estate license. 1.00
00:30:29.760 Fuck, that's awesome. 0.99
00:30:32.400 It was pretty cool, honestly. 1.00
00:30:35.480 That's like what this is, but I don't get a salary.
00:30:38.280 I know.
00:30:40.500 Well, that's like this, but with way less money. 0.99
00:30:42.680 That's why you guys need to join fucking Patreon. 0.99
00:30:44.720 I know. 0.99
00:30:45.220 Let them listen to the 20 minutes before.
00:30:47.120 Let that be their taster of what the Patreon is.
00:30:49.880 What I'm going to do is I'm going to put that on Patreon, but make it public.
00:30:54.900 Yeah.
00:30:55.100 Okay.
00:30:55.340 Anybody can watch it, but it's on Patreon.
00:30:57.540 But it's on Patreon.
00:30:58.420 I'm not going to post it as a public link on YouTube.
00:31:02.540 You'll have to go watch it on Patreon, patreon.com slash Ben Bank is.
00:31:06.360 We need to grow this page.
00:31:09.600 Subscribe here to the YouTube and Twitter and Instagram and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:31:13.460 Push the buttons.
00:31:15.320 Takes a couple minutes and it's six bucks a month. 1.00
00:31:19.060 Just fucking. 0.99
00:31:19.680 I mean, I hope that my fan. 0.99
00:31:22.240 A lot of my fans seem like they have a good amount of money. 0.99
00:31:24.720 I'm not going to lie to you fucking guys. 0.99
00:31:26.500 I go to my shows. 0.99
00:31:28.760 There's not that many poor people.
00:31:31.000 Like the poor people are the people online who don't go to my shows that are just like, 0.98
00:31:35.680 oh, I support him from afar.
00:31:37.780 And I don't.
00:31:38.680 But the people who come to my shows and buy T-shirts, you guys have money.
00:31:42.420 You're supporting a good cause.
00:31:43.920 You're supporting Canadian.
00:31:45.100 You're supporting talent because the government won't and the networks, all that.
00:31:54.020 Like I hate explaining, but there is.
00:31:56.360 And for my American fans, like Canadian fans are not as intuitive. 0.50
00:32:00.560 They don't understand because we have subsidized art in Canada and they expect that.
00:32:07.320 Oh, he's funny.
00:32:08.080 Somebody is going to give him money.
00:32:09.180 Right.
00:32:09.900 Not me, but somebody will through my tax dollar.
00:32:13.260 No.
00:32:14.500 Stop paying taxes and give me your six bucks a month.
00:32:19.540 Okay.
00:32:20.200 Can you legally tell people to stop paying taxes?
00:32:22.080 Is that illegal?
00:32:23.320 Pay six dollars less in taxes per month.
00:32:26.360 Listen.
00:32:27.120 Obviously, I'm joking.
00:32:28.140 Commit tax evasion and give me your income.
00:32:32.160 Thank you.
00:32:33.160 Exactly.
00:32:33.680 But did you, what did you, what was your, did you, like, what was your high school?
00:32:42.760 Did you play sports?
00:32:43.520 Did you play sports?
00:32:44.640 No, I ripped bongs. 0.97
00:32:45.780 I skateboarded.
00:32:48.220 That's not bad.
00:32:49.580 Yeah, I skateboarded and I.
00:32:50.960 You played hockey.
00:32:52.280 No.
00:32:53.080 Me?
00:32:53.400 Oh, he did, yeah.
00:32:54.120 I played hockey, football, baseball.
00:32:59.240 It was in drama.
00:33:00.900 You were?
00:33:01.420 Yeah. 0.98
00:33:01.720 I was fine at soccer, but it sucks.
00:33:02.960 What'd you do in drama?
00:33:05.020 Like, central tech?
00:33:06.040 Yeah.
00:33:06.900 I was sick, bro.
00:33:07.660 I got, like, an 80.
00:33:10.320 My highest mark.
00:33:12.240 I was up there, dog.
00:33:13.540 English.
00:33:13.940 It was English and drama are my two best courses.
00:33:17.760 What was the highest mark you ever got in high school?
00:33:19.980 86 in, like, grade 12 English.
00:33:22.800 Retard. 1.00
00:33:24.040 At central tech?
00:33:25.580 No, that was, like, North Toronto.
00:33:29.360 Oh.
00:33:29.600 So, I went to NT for a couple years and then I didn't like the courses because they were
00:33:33.920 all basic.
00:33:34.280 Was that grade 9, 10?
00:33:35.300 Yeah, grade 9, 10.
00:33:36.120 Then I went 11, 12 at central tech.
00:33:38.340 And then you never got an 87 again?
00:33:40.340 No.
00:33:40.960 No, I did in central tech, but, you know.
00:33:42.780 Oh, you did?
00:33:43.440 So, what was your highest mark that you ever got?
00:33:45.320 87?
00:33:46.120 You never got above an 87, but you got a couple times.
00:33:48.060 I never tried.
00:33:48.840 I never did homework.
00:33:49.820 I didn't have a binder throughout high school.
00:33:51.160 So, I, like, threw loose papers in my bag and I would just, like, show up and I would
00:33:55.660 just, like, do assignments, like, week of and I'd get, like, 70s and be like, yeah, yeah.
00:34:00.260 I bet if I tried, I could have been something.
00:34:02.420 Wow.
00:34:02.820 Yeah.
00:34:03.500 I'm a genius.
00:34:04.620 You are. 1.00
00:34:05.120 You're fucking way smarter than a fucking 70s average fucking retirement. 1.00
00:34:09.060 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:34:09.360 And I did that in grade 10 and 11 and then, like, I, yeah, and then grade 12 I applied
00:34:16.640 myself and I got a few 90s.
00:34:18.080 But my biggest downfall, my downfall was I listened to the Joe Rogan experience and I
00:34:22.600 was like, well, I'm going to be a comedian, bro. 1.00
00:34:23.960 Schoolers are idiots. 1.00
00:34:26.100 You think that in high school? 1.00
00:34:27.380 Yeah.
00:34:27.740 I was like, oh, I started when you were seven.
00:34:28.980 I wish Joe Rogan didn't even, like, his podcast wasn't really a thing that people
00:34:32.180 listen to.
00:34:32.320 I started doing comedy in high school, but I couldn't.
00:34:34.580 It became big when we were in university.
00:34:36.240 Yeah.
00:34:36.680 When I met you is when you got.
00:34:37.880 Well, when you were in university, I was in high school.
00:34:39.760 Were we watching his podcast or were we watching?
00:34:42.400 You were watching Pod Beasts.
00:34:43.440 Were we?
00:34:44.100 Yeah.
00:34:44.620 I thought we were just watching his Netflix special.
00:34:47.340 No, podcast.
00:34:48.380 Like, I remember I was watching his Netflix special in high school, too.
00:34:51.480 Joe Rogan says you got to try everything.
00:34:52.380 Rogan was.
00:34:52.900 So I would do heroin if someone offered to do reports.
00:34:54.120 Dude, do you remember?
00:34:55.200 I said that?
00:34:56.300 No, Andrew said that.
00:34:57.100 I think you agreed.
00:34:58.040 And you were both kind of straight.
00:34:59.620 Andrew, I remember Andrew said it, but you took his side of the argument of just doing
00:35:04.720 heroin because Joe Rogan said.
00:35:06.120 But yeah, I used to listen to Joey Diaz like all the time in like grade 10 and 11.
00:35:11.280 And I used to be like, yeah, that's it.
00:35:12.320 That's the secret of life. 1.00
00:35:13.080 You got to get high as fuck. 1.00
00:35:14.460 When you were in grade 20 and 11, I was 20. 1.00
00:35:17.700 No, because I 2012.
00:35:19.000 I was in grade nine.
00:35:20.940 Graduated in 2016.
00:35:22.960 High school.
00:35:23.940 Yeah. 1.00
00:35:24.380 Holy fuck. 1.00
00:35:25.000 You're young. 1.00
00:35:25.520 Yeah.
00:35:25.760 So, yeah.
00:35:28.260 So that's when I was listening to Joe Rogan and listening to Joey Diaz.
00:35:33.020 Yeah.
00:35:33.580 But I was 23. 0.69
00:35:35.600 Your brain.
00:35:36.260 I was your age.
00:35:37.080 You were my age.
00:35:37.600 Oh, my God, Dougie.
00:35:39.920 My brain was so underdeveloped.
00:35:43.500 I should have been inside reading the Koran. 1.00
00:35:46.920 Should have never left Iran. 1.00
00:35:49.580 My family's like, we're going to give Armin a better life.
00:35:51.840 We're going to have him in Canada.
00:35:52.760 And I'm just like, oh, bro, so we didn't know this guy's been asleep for nine days.
00:35:59.980 We're waiting for the podcast to begin.
00:36:02.280 I know, literally.
00:36:02.840 We're going to be good once.
00:36:03.820 I had a phone call with another comedian that lasted the length of this podcast.
00:36:10.800 That should have been your own podcast. 0.96
00:36:12.360 Literally, dude, all we do is just be like, yo, this next guy coming to the stage is gay. 0.97
00:36:16.980 That's our bit.
00:36:17.960 Talking, though, like, you have to talk to be good at talking. 0.99
00:36:21.860 You can't just fucking. 0.99
00:36:24.540 A lot of the comics are doing, like, two podcasts a day because they're doing their podcast. 0.99
00:36:28.540 Then they're on somebody else's podcast.
00:36:29.980 Then they're just talking.
00:36:32.040 It's honestly way more work than comics used to have to do back in the day.
00:36:37.400 Way more.
00:36:37.880 Because it's like, at least back in the day, it's like, OK, you call into a radio splat.
00:36:41.400 But it's like, what, for 15?
00:36:42.680 I'm sorry, bro.
00:36:43.440 I'm smoked weed all day.
00:36:44.420 What do you want to leave me at all?
00:36:45.440 Bro, why don't you take another nap?
00:36:46.940 Sprash pat.
00:36:47.900 I was in a sprot in a sprash pat. 0.94
00:36:50.040 I don't use my mouth as much because I don't eat as much.
00:36:57.020 The muscles aren't as strong.
00:37:02.440 Dude, when we were at your fiancé's cottage, when you were in the pool, there was a mosquito 0.51
00:37:07.620 on your back.
00:37:08.480 And I lost it thinking about a hippopotamus with a bug on it.
00:37:14.400 The ecosystem. 0.99
00:37:15.400 Yeah, you're just in a fucking shallow end. 1.00
00:37:23.220 Fuck, I'm so, yeah, I'm disgusted with how I look right now. 1.00
00:37:26.740 I'm sure the viewers at home are as well, Doug. 1.00
00:37:30.060 This guy's, you're like splayed out like a Greek god.
00:37:34.300 This guy's the Greek god Obeseus.
00:37:36.120 The patron saint of diabetes.
00:37:42.020 What kind of racist accent would you like me to do?
00:37:45.800 Oh, yeah.
00:37:46.400 I was joking with Bayfield last night.
00:37:48.800 I was telling him, you doing comedy is like when people choose ethnicities for food.
00:37:53.820 It's like, oh, Chinese today? 1.00
00:37:54.800 Indian?
00:37:55.260 I don't know.
00:37:56.280 What do you do today?
00:37:58.100 You can pull up to a drive-thru and it's called Bankuses.
00:38:00.800 It's just you on a headset like, what would you like?
00:38:03.900 Chinese?
00:38:04.300 Indian?
00:38:04.440 Okay, next window to pay.
00:38:09.780 Just to hear something racist for one second.
00:38:13.400 In the future, racism is so rare you have to pay for it.
00:38:17.760 I feel like racism is going to become way more mainstream.
00:38:23.960 Or at least whatever.
00:38:26.320 This is like rock and roll.
00:38:27.740 Whatever people have pulled.
00:38:28.480 You're like ACDC if ACDC just got on stage and said the N-word.
00:38:34.440 Highway to Uganda. 0.96
00:38:44.900 I got big balls. 0.97
00:38:47.460 You know that song? 0.98
00:38:48.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:52.000 This guy's a rock star.
00:38:53.420 He's a morbid liable beast man.
00:38:55.120 Ben Benkis is a rock star.
00:38:59.780 This guy's a supernova.
00:39:00.980 You've seen him smoke an apple, green apple vape.
00:39:03.820 This guy got candy-flavored cigarettes.
00:39:11.340 Why do I like this so much?
00:39:15.120 This is way better than smoking.
00:39:16.900 Oh, this is like food.
00:39:19.560 Why am I eating all the time?
00:39:25.500 If I'm not eating, I need to be smoking food.
00:39:29.600 I want my food in vapor form.
00:39:32.860 You go to the vapor store, he's like, we have lemon kiwi, we have the green apple.
00:39:39.560 I want hamburger frits.
00:39:43.040 You guys have steak frits.
00:39:47.420 What's the soup of the day?
00:39:49.440 Shrimp tempore.
00:39:55.640 What's the soup of the day at the vape store?
00:39:58.500 Okay, sir, have you tried French onion?
00:40:06.420 We have a tomato soup.
00:40:12.960 Oh, delicious.
00:40:14.040 This vape tastes like SpaghettiOs.
00:40:17.960 Fruit loop.
00:40:20.040 Yo, can I get the flavor vape that's just insulin?
00:40:22.700 Does this prevent my diabetes?
00:40:30.700 Is this like eating a real apple?
00:40:32.560 Is this Ozempic?
00:40:35.540 Smoking Ozempic. 0.97
00:40:38.300 By the way, guys, if you're wondering why Ben has his socks off, it's because he's lost all feeling in his toes.
00:40:47.700 I just realized the whole pod's just me with my feet like a...
00:40:51.260 I know. 1.00
00:40:51.780 OnlyFans whore. 1.00
00:40:54.080 I don't have the worst feet, though. 1.00
00:40:56.240 Bro, honestly, your feet are the skinniest part of your body. 0.97
00:40:58.320 I wonder if these guys don't have to lick your feet. 0.99
00:41:01.920 Yo, your feet are jacked. 0.99
00:41:03.340 Yo, your feet look great.
00:41:05.820 Yo, you ever see Ben Mekus' feet?
00:41:08.300 Yo, I'm like, yo, this guy's like tricks. 1.00
00:41:14.000 Give me some fucking shoes. 0.99
00:41:16.960 Here, I'm going to put them in the bag. 1.00
00:41:21.780 You look even fatter.
00:41:24.480 It got even worse.
00:41:26.360 Go back to laying down.
00:41:28.320 It was better when it was old.
00:41:30.140 I honestly don't think I could sleep now for a good day.
00:41:32.700 That was like...
00:41:33.640 I was exhausted.
00:41:34.920 Yeah, you would snorlax, bro.
00:41:36.200 Let me explain my...
00:41:38.480 As much of my daily...
00:41:41.180 Your health crisis?
00:41:43.740 Well, obviously I have a kid, so we wake up, the kid wakes us up, and then Cass has to work
00:41:49.400 first thing in the morning at 8 a.m. for an hour.
00:41:52.260 So I just have to, like, be a zombie.
00:41:55.860 We watch Paw Patrol, and then...
00:42:01.260 We watch the most racist cartoon I can find for my baby.
00:42:05.960 Where is the cartoon? 0.99
00:42:07.140 That is the black dog.
00:42:10.900 The black dog rides the hovercraft.
00:42:15.840 The Chinese dog, there are no... 0.99
00:42:17.660 I think the little boy is Chinese.
00:42:19.440 The main character is Chinese. 0.87
00:42:27.040 The mayor is black. 0.82
00:42:30.440 You guys don't know the show, so that's not funny to you. 0.97
00:42:33.060 It's funny your description of it.
00:42:35.420 It's just there's a Chinese kid and a black mayor. 1.00
00:42:37.920 Fucking Paw Patrol, you know? 1.00
00:42:39.740 There's, like, a white guy in a boat. 1.00
00:42:42.080 The black dogs always look... 1.00
00:42:44.500 Damn, my... 1.00
00:42:45.560 She... 1.00
00:42:48.440 No, it's a very...
00:42:50.120 I think it's a wholesome show.
00:42:51.160 It reminds me of Rescue Heroes.
00:42:52.460 It's basically like...
00:42:53.040 Oh, buddy, I remember Rescue Heroes.
00:42:55.300 I like Paw Patrol.
00:42:56.520 It reminds me of Rescue Heroes.
00:42:57.400 I want to watch...
00:42:58.500 I want to...
00:42:58.960 I feel like all our cartoons were much more, like, adult, almost.
00:43:02.560 They were way better.
00:43:04.000 They were better, but these ones are more, like, for kids, in a way. 1.00
00:43:09.480 Yeah, whereas Rescue Heroes, they had that scene where the guy got his dick sucked. 0.99
00:43:12.460 Oh, I'm on a hovercraft. 1.00
00:43:19.080 Where's the black... 0.99
00:43:19.860 Oh, we don't have black characters in this show.
00:43:21.660 No, there was a black guy.
00:43:22.560 Yeah, they're rescuing them.
00:43:24.300 Hurricane in Haiti.
00:43:26.720 Stuck in a swimming pool.
00:43:27.800 That's so funny.
00:43:29.560 That's so funny.
00:43:30.400 Remember that episode of Rescue Heroes where they went to New Orleans?
00:43:35.540 Hurricane Katrina?
00:43:37.540 Paw Patrol.
00:43:38.340 Where were you then?
00:43:39.060 Where was Paw Patrol when they were looking for Bin Laden?
00:43:44.520 Where was Paw Patrol on September 11th, 2001?
00:43:49.200 There was a Muslim dog. 1.00
00:43:52.420 Allahu Dog Bar.
00:43:58.420 Muhammad Al-Bachin.
00:44:00.080 I don't know.
00:44:01.000 I don't know.
00:44:01.600 Allahu Dog Bar.
00:44:03.160 Allahu Wolf.
00:44:05.320 Elf Bar.
00:44:06.840 Allahu Elf Bar.
00:44:09.060 That's what I tell the Arab guy at the vape shop.
00:44:13.160 Get a disco.
00:44:14.640 Get another aloe.
00:44:15.560 Do you guys have vape, but it looks like a hookah?
00:44:19.220 He doesn't have hookah vape.
00:44:21.760 But anyway, I don't get...
00:44:22.700 Then I have to do...
00:44:24.000 Obviously, I'm my own manager.
00:44:25.880 I hate telling people this, but...
00:44:27.660 Yeah, then you have to book your gigs and make a poster and then...
00:44:30.140 I feel like, do like...
00:44:31.740 Administrator...
00:44:33.020 What is it?
00:44:34.740 Administrative.
00:44:36.100 Your hair is very bizarre right now.
00:44:38.020 You look like you...
00:44:39.100 Turn that way to...
00:44:40.380 Like, turn all the way that way?
00:44:42.140 Doesn't that...
00:44:42.640 Whoa, Lego.
00:44:43.900 Lego character.
00:44:45.740 Lego.
00:44:48.020 The administrative stuff.
00:44:50.040 Making posters.
00:44:51.840 Emailing venues.
00:44:52.980 Doing that stuff.
00:44:54.680 And my problem is, like...
00:44:56.020 I want to be up till, like, 3 a.m. editing.
00:44:59.940 Like that.
00:45:00.220 And then I...
00:45:00.820 Like, ideally, I'm up till 3 a.m. editing.
00:45:02.920 I wake up at 7.30.
00:45:04.340 I post something for 8.
00:45:06.260 I go to bed for 2 hours.
00:45:07.600 I wake up again at 11.
00:45:08.800 But it's just unsustainable to live...
00:45:10.480 And I was living like that for a bit.
00:45:12.160 Ideally, my life is split in between naps.
00:45:15.460 Well, no.
00:45:16.100 For the first, like...
00:45:16.960 You wake up at 8.
00:45:17.700 You go back to bed for 2 hours.
00:45:18.940 You post again at 11.
00:45:19.800 Then you're up.
00:45:20.900 But, like, you kind of have to have that momentum.
00:45:22.840 It is.
00:45:23.100 Because...
00:45:23.500 It is fun when I make a...
00:45:24.760 It is fun when I make a post and then go to bed.
00:45:27.300 Like, that's my job.
00:45:28.580 Go right back to sleep.
00:45:29.940 And my mom's, like, in the other room on a work call.
00:45:31.940 Because it is...
00:45:32.460 Like, I was doing that.
00:45:33.360 And then you, like, wake up.
00:45:34.360 And then it's like, okay.
00:45:35.060 That got, like...
00:45:35.760 I've got, like, 1,000 likes in 2 hours.
00:45:38.140 Now I'm gonna...
00:45:39.220 Like, you're motivated.
00:45:40.100 Or, like, whatever it is.
00:45:41.280 200 likes or 500.
00:45:42.700 When I get 200 likes and you're like,
00:45:44.020 I gotta go eat something.
00:45:45.620 Yeah.
00:45:45.900 But I just haven't been prioritizing the ice baths, the gym,
00:45:53.400 the Rogan routine type shit that I was doing that keeps me fit. 0.83
00:45:59.140 Because... 1.00
00:45:59.500 Insane.
00:46:00.060 This is... 0.99
00:46:01.900 Like, it's like a fucking crazy job to not... 1.00
00:46:05.960 To be fat to do. 0.99
00:46:07.120 Is that what you were saying?
00:46:09.000 Why'd you just say insane randomly?
00:46:11.180 Well, it'd be, like, to...
00:46:12.320 You work out and, like, move around to, like, not...
00:46:14.000 You were thinking about how much money that's all gonna cost.
00:46:15.760 No, no.
00:46:16.140 I'm saying, like, when you're, like, doing ice baths and working out
00:46:18.480 and, like, moving forward and getting things done.
00:46:20.160 It helps me, like, keep my sanity. 0.99
00:46:21.740 Because, like, the ice bath and shit is, like, hard. 0.99
00:46:23.940 Like, Rogan talks about, obviously. 0.99
00:46:25.100 I don't want to talk about ice baths right now, but...
00:46:27.360 It does help.
00:46:28.980 With any...
00:46:29.740 Like, you know what I mean?
00:46:31.340 You were doing...
00:46:31.960 We did it together.
00:46:32.880 Yeah, we did it.
00:46:33.400 Yeah.
00:46:33.760 We held hands.
00:46:35.900 Did we?
00:46:36.540 We 69ed in the ice bath. 1.00
00:46:39.460 Put your ass in the air. 1.00
00:46:40.700 Played with my cold balls. 1.00
00:46:47.280 Put my face in a gooch. 0.99
00:46:52.160 All I felt was icicles on my head.
00:46:57.920 His gooch was ice cold.
00:46:59.620 Took a shower with Ben Bangas.
00:47:02.060 I liked going there.
00:47:03.260 You, like...
00:47:03.640 There's the little lounge.
00:47:04.620 I know.
00:47:05.040 Oh, everyone's...
00:47:05.920 It's so relaxing.
00:47:06.760 Everyone's so hot.
00:47:08.060 Like, I want to go there now.
00:47:09.440 Like, I don't want to go home.
00:47:11.100 You know.
00:47:12.100 Should we just go there?
00:47:13.480 I can grab my bathing suit.
00:47:15.300 We can go.
00:47:15.980 Yeah.
00:47:16.380 You want to go?
00:47:17.620 Where? 1.00
00:47:18.120 Other shit. 1.00
00:47:18.860 Other shit. 1.00
00:47:19.140 Let's go to... 1.00
00:47:19.600 Yeah, let's go to...
00:47:20.140 Let's see.
00:47:20.760 Here.
00:47:21.020 Let me see if they have an opening today.
00:47:23.980 I'm scared of working my phone. 1.00
00:47:25.380 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:47:26.120 Brian O'Gorman's show is starting right now. 1.00
00:47:27.900 Shit, Cassie. 0.99
00:47:28.400 I guess we're literally not doing comedy today. 0.99
00:47:31.180 I did a podcast for eight hours.
00:47:32.960 We only got 47 minutes.
00:47:34.260 Now, let's see. 1.00
00:47:37.200 Other shit. 1.00
00:47:37.760 Okay. 1.00
00:47:38.160 Oh, that's Grindr.
00:47:38.940 Oh, my God.
00:47:40.000 If you're enjoying this episode of The Bankist Show, you will love the last 15 minutes, which
00:47:47.220 are available only on Patreon as a bonus episode.
00:47:51.840 You should sign up right now.
00:47:53.760 Patreon.com slash Ben Bankist.
00:47:55.640 It's a great way to support Ben on a monthly or yearly basis.
00:47:59.720 All proceeds go towards making the show even funnier.