Bankas Podcast - Allahu Elfbar ｜ The Bankas Show

00:00:00.000 perfect guys welcome back welcome to the podcast thank you armin these are my friends these are

00:00:08.120 my only friends uh everybody i wish death upon daily uh other comedians people don't know this

00:00:16.280 that there are other comedians out there i am competing against um hordes of mentally challenged

00:00:25.720 mentally um i think i just saw a ufo outside mentally uh these people are mentally

00:00:32.740 there's lights in the sky i am seeing lights everyone is crazy but me i basically smoked

00:00:43.940 weed and ate a pizza today and felt like i had als for six hours yeah we did we did 20 minutes of the

00:00:49.900 best podcast known to men and we haven't decided if that's that you've already heard it already or

00:00:55.160 we have not or if that is paid it might have to be paid just because you guys should have to pay

00:01:01.440 to laugh um i don't know do you ever like do you ever just completely like collapse like mentally

00:01:08.660 like do you ever eat three meals for lunch you ever eat what a homeless shelter gives out in a day

00:01:15.420 you ever go to a soup kitchen and help yourself

00:01:18.060 and then and then you're like why am i sleeping

00:01:23.520 how much food do you think i ate compared to you guys today two thousand calories minimum for lunch

00:01:29.960 that short plate was at least a thousand calories and then like though there was no

00:01:35.700 salad like yeah but the garlic sauce the garlic sauce well that's what gets you i told you not to get

00:01:43.540 i think i'm gonna get als from like sauce this guy had too many condiments and his brain don't work

00:01:49.560 no no it's definitely gonna be the things you put the sauce on this that this has formaldehyde in it

00:01:56.800 these vapes we gotta go back to cigarettes bro you think no i like these more i feel like i think

00:02:03.000 clear cigarettes i definitely feel like my brain i honestly think that like propaganda is so effective

00:02:08.300 because like i could literally feel completely fine vaping and then somebody's like you know that's

00:02:13.060 a million times worse than cigarettes like they'll just say that like a random person yeah like

00:02:17.180 they're right but it's like you're not right there's this not true like when i was smoking cigarettes i

00:02:23.520 literally felt like i was gonna die all the time today when you actually died no but i almost think

00:02:29.820 like me getting ultra tired after quitting cigarettes is like a potential side effect just from

00:02:35.380 because your body's just like recovering from like i've been smoking cigarettes every day for

00:02:41.420 15 years

00:02:44.100 i am cigarettes i know i don't feel well you don't look well dude no you that's why i gained a little

00:02:58.300 bit of weight i kind of wish we filmed a bit of you just to sleep on the couch while daniel and i

00:03:02.600 just were on our phones i took some pictures yeah good ben bang because we were doing a podcast and

00:03:08.840 then he got sleepy so we had nap time i just was in those i i sometimes i get in these moods where i

00:03:14.080 like can't be a functional adult functional person i'm just like and i just yeah i just

00:03:20.180 too much pizza the gluten you're like you're like a kid after a birthday party like i had too much

00:03:30.200 pizza he's just like snorlax he's just like uh i know i had to use like an energy stone to wake

00:03:35.580 him up

00:03:36.440 well ben bankus has appeared that's what 20 minutes is if you want to know what ben bankus is

00:03:43.200 the 20 minutes of the first podcast is it was me calling him fat

00:03:47.520 20 minutes of the most epic fat jokes

00:03:51.020 honestly like i that was my a-game bro i middled i just middled for you guys

00:03:58.660 i think i need to go to um like uh

00:04:04.400 like a yoga yoga retreat like an ice bath like i do an ice bath every like i want to go to like a

00:04:12.300 other ship yoga other camp other ship camp yeah yeah like just like so if you don't know other

00:04:20.060 ship is like a sauna and ice bath place it's like a place in toronto that i haven't been in a while

00:04:25.760 but when i was going there that was a good time when we were going dude when i was health when i was

00:04:30.640 working out every day you stopped yourself from saying healthy

00:04:33.720 well i was healthier i was you were healthier i was smoking cigarettes yeah it's probably why you lost

00:04:39.620 so much weight honestly dirty definitely helps all right but it would feel so i feel like such a

00:04:46.140 dirt bag when i'd spend 55 dollars to go to uh other ship like that's what the entrance fee is

00:04:52.380 for 75 minutes of you can go in the ice bath as many times as you want and you can go in the sauna as

00:04:57.480 long as whatever and they have like water and tea and like just a couple of chinese girls who go

00:05:02.380 but um yeah so it's like i'd leave there and just start smoking a cigarette right away i know i did

00:05:14.040 that with you i just feel like such a piece of garbage i kind of liked it though it was like oh

00:05:17.700 nice this is this cigarette feels better than the other ones because there was 75 minutes in between

00:05:21.800 but i did feel like this i i feel like like when i would before have a cigarette sometimes i just go

00:05:28.060 like this this i want to just go this i just want to do another shit i'm gonna be in the sauna and hit

00:05:33.500 this yo can i bring my vape my stealth vape and turn in a boomeross i get stressed out in the ice bath

00:05:41.260 yeah i i like being healthy and it's harder to be healthy when you are a father because

00:05:51.900 you're you're kind of even incentivized by like if whoever if you have if you're a man you have a

00:05:59.240 kid your woman like your woman just wants you to be fat now too she doesn't really give a shit like

00:06:04.580 there's part of it's like yeah we had the kid just fucking eat fucking yeah yours pizza what yeah

00:06:10.500 yeah your girl your girl's like yeah just eat bed just eat snack well you're also eating the leftover

00:06:15.720 food from the kid too yeah there's always parents do that so they always like gain weight oh i heard about

00:06:21.060 that you know we went to cheesecake factory in the day there was like what like dahlia's leftovers

00:06:27.540 were like i was like eating them at like 2 a.m oh eating my daughter's food

00:06:34.180 it's a tough being fat sucks it's the worst thing you can be in our society and half the society

00:06:47.620 sound like a white girl about to cry

00:06:49.380 being fat sucks and like no one loves me and i'm just alone no i know it does okay well it's better

00:07:02.380 to be fat as a guy no i would argue it's better to be fat as a woman because it's more fetishized

00:07:07.480 and it's more body positive like people support you more as a guy it's like if yeah but somebody can

00:07:12.560 love a fat guy yeah yeah somebody will fuck a fat girl but not really be like my god and then i

00:07:19.220 fucked her and it was that's true but how much does that fat guy make some of them not that like i see

00:07:24.820 some fat guys with families out here yeah coming out thank you okay but are they fat did they meet

00:07:31.520 when they were fat or did he get fat post family is the question because i've seen that too where the

00:07:36.220 guy just balloons and the girl kind of stays a little thinner yeah and then she's just like loyal

00:07:42.700 she's like a good chick and he's like fuck it you know yeah i think that they don't that's a good

00:07:50.580 question i don't know how to find the answers to that question but that's like i think a lot of the

00:07:56.140 guys are just fat to begin with and then they're not that fat though yeah and then yeah the girl's like

00:08:04.400 oh you're not that fat and then like i don't i honestly i don't know because there's there is

00:08:11.220 some reason that women like fat guys it's because their dads are fat fat guys can be successful and

00:08:17.780 like be funny well it's also like you know a fat guy is not gonna cheat because that's a lot of

00:08:22.880 exercise it's a lot to go through

00:08:25.700 yeah that's facts yo

00:08:35.520 yo i never cheated because i was out of breath you know what i mean

00:08:43.700 i never cheated on my girl but i ate dominoes at 2 a.m in bed

00:08:54.840 no i uh

00:08:57.940 yeah being single would be i'd probably be thinner

00:09:03.300 i'd hope yeah

00:09:07.660 i'd hope so

00:09:10.120 i'd hope so

00:09:11.320 it'd be really weird if you got single you got even fatter

00:09:16.620 you doubled down on just never getting pussy

00:09:20.620 i don't know i just feel like everything every activity when you have a kid is just like

00:09:26.360 we have to eat now

00:09:28.700 morning now it's like before it's like when you're a single you're like i don't eat breakfast really

00:09:34.440 yeah it's like every dahlia has like your kid has to have breakfast

00:09:38.380 yeah why do you have to have breakfast

00:09:39.900 i don't know

00:09:41.580 i don't i don't but i'm hungry because i see somebody eating

00:09:45.400 smell food

00:09:48.640 i'm addicted to food it's not like

00:09:51.980 it's an addiction it's an addiction

00:09:54.380 is it not an addiction when you pull up and a guy goes i'm getting pizza and you go i'm getting a fucking shawarma

00:10:01.760 and you drive away and then

00:10:03.680 well you got it as a healthier alternative and then when we got to daniel's door you were like

00:10:07.560 i'm gonna it's kind of funny there was like a car accident in between that

00:10:11.060 i know

00:10:11.780 not our car but

00:10:13.720 we literally like the place where i got a shawarma and the place where we went to go get batteries is like the same intersection

00:10:20.360 i'm just there like

00:10:22.400 jesus christ where's my fucking shawarma

00:10:25.420 and then we get in the car and drive back to his place like the other way

00:10:30.300 and then

00:10:32.120 oh there's no batteries in the

00:10:34.180 we like

00:10:34.600 every time we set up this fucking

00:10:36.300 thing

00:10:37.700 the bat there's no we're missing something

00:10:40.320 because we don't have

00:10:41.660 we got the batteries

00:10:43.000 we need like a guy

00:10:44.320 who's not a comedian

00:10:46.080 who's part of this

00:10:47.300 who doesn't

00:10:48.140 no but i mean like a fucking intern that like is literally not on camera that's like

00:11:00.440 i i have plug in things

00:11:02.780 well yeah i know i have extra batteries

00:11:05.140 if you're a corporation can you like give like a ryerson film student like a

00:11:08.340 course credit

00:11:09.800 I mean, yeah.

00:11:11.140 Yeah.

00:11:12.080 At Ryerson, you guys want to...

00:11:13.660 A course credit, but maybe.

00:11:14.820 There's courses they do, and they have to co-op somewhere.

00:11:17.980 Here's where I help with the human-monkey hybrid.

00:11:20.140 I know, literally.

00:11:20.960 Here's where I put black paint on Ben Bankis' face.

00:11:25.440 Get a special effects credit.

00:11:28.160 A makeup artist.

00:11:29.760 I did black face for Ben Bankis.

00:11:31.740 I made Ben Bankis look like Jack Meetsing.

00:11:35.320 Gang, gang.

00:11:36.080 There actually is a comedian, like when I was in common, like they'd be like, Ben Bankis,

00:11:43.440 have you heard of Jag Gankis?

00:11:45.540 There's another guy named Jag Gankis.

00:11:48.280 Oh my god, that's like...

00:11:49.800 His actual name.

00:11:50.700 That's like, you know, Reverse Flash?

00:11:53.280 That's your Reverse Flash.

00:11:55.500 It's a Ben Bankis that's really woke.

00:11:58.300 I'm from the future.

00:11:59.140 He's like this tattooed guy.

00:12:00.700 He's like, hey man, Jag.

00:12:04.620 Jag Gankis.

00:12:05.540 Imagine if that guy was famous.

00:12:08.020 You think that guy digs an ep?

00:12:09.200 I mean, my last name is bad enough.

00:12:12.620 Is it?

00:12:13.740 Well, it's funny when people are like fans of mine and they're like, I watch your videos

00:12:17.920 every day.

00:12:18.360 I'm such a big Ben Bankis fan.

00:12:20.820 Oh yeah, yeah.

00:12:21.780 No, I've heard one.

00:12:22.580 What did that one guy say your name?

00:12:23.800 Ben Benakis?

00:12:24.800 Ben Benakis.

00:12:25.540 Ben Benakis is a good one.

00:12:27.200 That's a crazy one.

00:12:27.900 I always used to get Benakis in high school.

00:12:30.780 Benakis is insane.

00:12:31.560 Like I scored a goal in hockey in like the championship game and they were like, goal scored by number

00:12:35.760 seven, Ben Benakis.

00:12:36.900 My mom like went up to the fucking room and actually told the guy like, it's Bankis.

00:12:45.340 And then out of nowhere, like 10 minutes later in the middle of the game for no reason, you

00:12:48.860 just heard this.

00:12:50.040 Bankis.

00:12:52.840 That's actually so funny.

00:12:54.880 That guy was like, fuck this bitch, mom.

00:12:58.720 Bonkers.

00:12:59.120 Ben Ben-Bomber-Clot.

00:13:05.480 Correction.

00:13:06.520 Bankis.

00:13:07.880 Everyone's like, what the fuck?

00:13:09.540 That's when the dementia started.

00:13:16.780 It was so bad too, because it was like, my high school hockey thing was kind of fucked

00:13:23.280 up.

00:13:23.460 Oh my God, there's some massive lightning in the sky.

00:13:26.320 Oh my God, weather is not controlled by Dendon.

00:13:29.620 That's probably why all those planes were like, take off now.

00:13:32.960 Take off.

00:13:34.180 But the hockey team, I played for Harvard Collegiate's hockey team and like we randomly had a good

00:13:40.320 team.

00:13:41.160 Like we never had a good team, but for my year, my four year, like there was a bunch

00:13:46.520 of like, like it was all Chinese kids and then the only white kids were all in GTHL.

00:13:51.340 Like they were all like single and double A and triple A and they were all just like fucking,

00:13:54.540 yeah, I ripped hockey.

00:13:56.460 And then they, so, but the first year I played when I think I was in grade nine, we were in

00:14:02.920 like the top tier.

00:14:04.700 So we were in like the, the higher and like it was, kids were in junior B playing us and

00:14:10.000 we were like double A maybe.

00:14:11.740 And kids were, and they were grade 12, so we were grade nine and they were just murdering

00:14:16.440 us.

00:14:16.640 Like my one friend had his whole shoulder dislocated.

00:14:19.220 He was a literal tiny little grade nine, some grade 12 kid just fucking just annihilated

00:14:25.840 because only in high school could you do that.

00:14:27.680 Like in GTHL, it was like, I think grade nine and tens playing together and then grade 11

00:14:32.940 and 12s, but it was all of us.

00:14:35.160 And so it was just fucked up.

00:14:36.300 And then we got demoted to like the shittier league.

00:14:38.580 And then, then we just started killing it.

00:14:40.280 Cause we were like the, we were like the worst of that.

00:14:42.360 Yeah.

00:14:42.560 But you're the best of the worst.

00:14:43.900 Yeah.

00:14:44.080 Best of the worst.

00:14:44.780 And like other teams that we were playing, like had kids like in house league, like had

00:14:49.320 kids, just pylons.

00:14:50.740 They didn't even, a couple of teams didn't have jerseys.

00:14:53.400 They were all just wearing random jerseys.

00:14:55.460 This is a guy.

00:14:56.300 Yeah.

00:14:56.620 And it was like some French school and it was like hitting was allowed.

00:15:01.120 So it wasn't like, it was the weirdest league ever.

00:15:03.780 It made no sense because it's like, okay, hitting full contact with house league kids,

00:15:10.520 but you guys are in GTHL and have full training and know how to do this.

00:15:14.120 It can annihilate these kids.

00:15:16.200 And a couple of times, like we had kids like get so mad.

00:15:19.380 Like there's this one guy, I think his name was Dave Sousa or something.

00:15:23.020 Dave Ruka.

00:15:23.880 Dave Ruka.

00:15:24.860 No, he was also, he was Italian or Portuguese or something.

00:15:27.500 And like some kid did something and he like turned around, just, he slashed the kid in

00:15:30.900 the shin as hard as he possibly could.

00:15:32.540 And it was like a tiny little skinny little grade nine kid.

00:15:36.380 And he was kind of like a jacked, like, yo, I play hockey.

00:15:41.040 It was just like the kid was crying.

00:15:43.060 It was just fucked.

00:15:43.780 That's insane.

00:15:45.180 But yeah, we, and then, so we just started winning and like both championship years,

00:15:48.920 we just like won the championship game like six nothing.

00:15:51.420 It was retarded.

00:15:53.540 It's crazy.

00:15:56.220 Now I am obese.

00:15:57.640 Ben Banakis.

00:15:58.740 Ben Banakis.

00:16:00.500 Hockey star.

00:16:01.500 Ben Bananas.

00:16:02.540 I was hockey team and I, I was in the school play, which is pretty good.

00:16:08.820 Whoa, this guy, he got molested twice.

00:16:11.220 What was the school play?

00:16:13.920 Molested by a straight guy and a gay guy.

00:16:16.280 This guy was raped eight ways from Sunday.

00:16:22.100 This guy's hole was used.

00:16:23.640 No, it wasn't the school play.

00:16:26.060 There was a school play.

00:16:27.220 Yeah.

00:16:27.600 That everybody thought was gay at my school.

00:16:30.060 Like literally nobody tried it.

00:16:32.020 Like it was just like, they did like Hamlet and shit.

00:16:34.200 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:35.380 Like people like, no.

00:16:37.880 A couple losers did it and their parents would go.

00:16:41.280 But then my English teacher was just like this guy who was like a big, like he was an actor and whatever.

00:16:50.140 Kind of.

00:16:50.760 No.

00:16:51.020 He was similarly you.

00:16:52.080 He was a failed actor.

00:16:53.800 Yeah.

00:16:54.300 But he was like, he did acting as like a full, like, God is like PhD, like some bullshit.

00:17:00.040 Like I got my master's.

00:17:01.020 You got a master's in not getting callbacks.

00:17:02.900 Yeah.

00:17:03.100 I'm the master.

00:17:06.900 I'm not getting the part, bro.

00:17:08.220 It was like theater.

00:17:09.040 Like he was doing theater.

00:17:10.160 Right.

00:17:10.540 Right.

00:17:10.660 And then he was like, fuck it.

00:17:11.620 I'll just go to like Australia and do the like teacher thing.

00:17:15.580 Like, yeah, he was a party guy, too.

00:17:17.760 He's good.

00:17:18.340 Look, he was Jewish, too.

00:17:19.800 But he didn't look Jewish, but he kind of did.

00:17:21.200 But he was like.

00:17:22.320 But in English, he taught us all of the 1984.

00:17:26.420 Right.

00:17:27.160 The Brave New World.

00:17:28.440 All the Vognate.

00:17:30.700 And like he just was like on it.

00:17:32.540 Made up on track.

00:17:33.220 Anti-vax kids.

00:17:34.460 Yeah.

00:17:35.080 No, but he made kids like.

00:17:37.360 No, I know.

00:17:37.920 He made you think.

00:17:38.540 He would get fights with other teachers and be like vocal about it in class and be like,

00:17:42.180 I fucking hate Miss Ku.

00:17:44.300 He hated this fat Chinese teacher.

00:17:46.980 I'm like seeing the beginnings of Ben Bancost in this English class.

00:17:50.280 Yeah.

00:17:50.560 Hate Chinese people.

00:17:51.680 Communism.

00:17:55.060 Yeah.

00:17:55.500 He hated this fat, the fat art teacher, Miss Ku, because she was running the other play.

00:17:59.560 Right.

00:17:59.940 And like she would try to steal the resources from like.

00:18:02.460 Oh, I mean, like you can't have the sound people today.

00:18:05.920 And like it's for the real play.

00:18:07.980 And he'd be and he'd be like.

00:18:11.080 He'd be on his flip phone, like yelling at her, like, you realize that we're performing in two days at Central Tech.

00:18:17.580 Oh, no.

00:18:18.400 You realize we're going to die tomorrow.

00:18:20.240 So we had.

00:18:21.120 So he did this genius thing, though, of making the play into a field trip.

00:18:26.500 Oh, that's very Jewish thinking, bro.

00:18:28.280 Yeah.

00:18:28.580 It was a loophole.

00:18:29.480 It was like a loophole.

00:18:30.580 So it was like we did the play at Central Tech.

00:18:34.040 And like our whole school went as a field trip to Central Tech.

00:18:37.420 Yeah.

00:18:37.760 Because you guys had a big, big.

00:18:39.320 Yeah.

00:18:39.540 We had a sick auditorium.

00:18:40.660 Yeah.

00:18:41.080 And like we did that play there.

00:18:42.520 And like we cry.

00:18:43.340 And it was funny.

00:18:44.060 It was a funny play.

00:18:44.880 It was about zombies and stupid shit.

00:18:46.680 Yeah.

00:18:47.000 And it was like people like the girl in the play was like, oh, that girl sucked my day.

00:18:52.820 It was just funny to see that happening.

00:18:55.560 Yeah.

00:18:56.280 And anyway.

00:18:59.780 That's how it all.

00:19:00.440 That's how it all started.

00:19:01.180 What was the point?

00:19:01.740 There was a point.

00:19:02.300 I don't know.

00:19:02.940 You were talking about how you were on your school play and hockey team.

00:19:06.760 Oh, yeah.

00:19:06.980 The hockey team and school play.

00:19:09.920 Yeah.

00:19:10.460 At the same time.

00:19:11.700 And I won an award of excellence.

00:19:15.380 I killed.

00:19:16.200 So my first laugh was like running and like falling perfectly and like sliding off the stage or something.

00:19:22.640 And it just got this massive laugh.

00:19:24.280 And I did a couple like improv.

00:19:26.240 And I just remember my teacher being like the improv is crazy when you were just like doing rent.

00:19:30.500 Like all of a sudden you were like doing shit that you'd never done before.

00:19:33.440 And I fucking learned the lines of that like so hard.

00:19:36.740 Like I concentrated on that.

00:19:39.920 And that's what that's honestly if I wasn't for that teacher, he literally saw me just like stone in class one day.

00:19:46.280 I was like, you need to like, what if would you act?

00:19:49.060 Would you be an actor?

00:19:50.080 And I was like, yes.

00:19:51.880 Let's do a play.

00:19:53.000 You know, I was bored like I was playing hockey after school and stuff like every team I played for.

00:20:00.020 All the kids were just like stoner, like loser retards.

00:20:02.640 And like it was just it was sad that I made my mom fucking drive me to fucking Scarborough every day.

00:20:09.220 All these fucking arenas with these loser mom, other moms, loser parents.

00:20:13.940 The one kid got arrested for stealing from No Frills.

00:20:16.800 He worked at No Frills.

00:20:17.940 Jesus, that's so sad, bro.

00:20:19.740 Not even love.

00:20:20.380 He had a tattoo on his pubes of like of No Frills.

00:20:24.520 His grandfather's death.

00:20:26.020 Oh, yeah.

00:20:29.260 Yeah, that's pretty fucking that's fucked up, Dougie.

00:20:32.560 That's double league or whatever.

00:20:33.980 No, little league.

00:20:35.020 I was really trying to pretend I knew what you were talking about.

00:20:37.500 That was single A.

00:20:38.200 That was so different than my hockey experience.

00:20:39.920 Toronto Penguins.

00:20:40.920 Yeah, his hockey experience was like, my coach blew me.

00:20:43.800 Which team did you play?

00:20:44.820 Avenue Road Mighty Duck.

00:20:45.820 So it's like the, it was the Jewish hockey team.

00:20:47.180 The what?

00:20:48.060 Avenue Road Select.

00:20:49.380 Oh, sorry, sorry.

00:20:50.260 I thought you said like Avi Reed.

00:20:52.080 No, Avenue Road Mighty Ducks.

00:20:59.020 Yeah.

00:20:59.400 Mighty Ducks.

00:21:00.040 We were the Jewish team.

00:21:01.080 So we didn't play on Shabbat.

00:21:03.340 And that was, and it was the Jewish league.

00:21:06.420 And then we were the select team from that.

00:21:07.700 So what, you just were like disqualified from any Shabbat game?

00:21:11.160 No, they just wouldn't schedule.

00:21:12.280 DNF.

00:21:12.760 Like we didn't play on Fridays and Saturdays.

00:21:17.740 So did you guys win?

00:21:20.240 Yeah.

00:21:20.480 We were one of the better teams in the league because like, it was like all the, because

00:21:24.480 all the other kids were also Jewish.

00:21:28.760 Was it, who did you play?

00:21:30.220 Like Forest Hill Select?

00:21:31.200 We played Forest Hill Select, North Toronto, Burlington, not Burlington.

00:21:34.200 Honestly, Select is like cool.

00:21:36.380 Like, yeah.

00:21:37.260 And then there were some good hockey players in Select that didn't want to play single A

00:21:40.960 or double A.

00:21:41.180 We did Select practices and games and tournaments.

00:21:43.620 And then you also play like house league once a week and just like went on, like just,

00:21:47.240 I don't know, it was like it was just like trying to 1v5 the teams and like score.

00:21:52.720 And that was the game.

00:21:53.320 Storm looks really scary.

00:21:54.860 Yeah.

00:21:55.080 God's getting mad that the Jewish person's talking about his hockey experience.

00:21:58.620 Yeah.

00:21:58.920 Go back to talking about money.

00:22:03.040 You'll never be an athlete.

00:22:05.180 That would suck if the power went out.

00:22:07.040 But it wouldn't matter because all of our stuff's wireless.

00:22:10.900 Wires.

00:22:12.100 Batteries.

00:22:12.500 We got the batteries.

00:22:17.640 Yeah, I never played sports.

00:22:19.140 Did you smoke cigarettes in high school?

00:22:21.560 Uh, a little bit and then I quit.

00:22:24.660 I like basically just started smoking at like 50.

00:22:28.220 I was like 17 when I really started smoking.

00:22:32.060 And then I quit when I was like 19, 20 for a bit.

00:22:35.040 And then I came back and then I quit again and then I came back.

00:22:38.580 Apparently that's worse.

00:22:39.580 No, smoking is bad.

00:22:42.080 Not smoking is good.

00:22:44.820 Yeah, what the?

00:22:45.800 You're going to get cancer faster.

00:22:47.600 People who smoke make up weird fucking like reasons.

00:22:52.300 Like I remember I worked with this guy.

00:22:55.520 Mike Wozniak.

00:22:58.020 I'm dying.

00:23:01.720 He looked like Captain Underpants.

00:23:06.240 Oh, you told me about this guy.

00:23:07.420 Yeah, Wozniak or whatever.

00:23:09.580 He's like six feet.

00:23:11.460 He's like taller than you.

00:23:12.420 Like big.

00:23:13.040 Like basically like a.

00:23:14.320 Not like if you were shorter, you would be really fat.

00:23:16.760 But he wasn't really fat because he was funny.

00:23:18.040 No, he was just a big giant.

00:23:19.700 Yeah.

00:23:20.240 Giant guy.

00:23:22.120 Smoke darts.

00:23:23.720 Darts look like little fucking.

00:23:25.040 They look like slims.

00:23:26.160 That's funny.

00:23:27.060 It's funny.

00:23:28.720 And but yeah, I remember I would try to quit and he'd be like, you know, it's worse for

00:23:32.460 you to try to quit and then do it again.

00:23:34.620 Might as well just smoke.

00:23:35.800 What the fuck?

00:23:36.640 Fucking logic is that, bro?

00:23:38.980 You're bald.

00:23:40.540 What do you know?

00:23:42.080 Remember bitch sticks?

00:23:43.160 He never.

00:23:43.340 He always was like, I'm never going to have kids.

00:23:46.400 Yeah.

00:23:46.700 Because he looks like a big baby.

00:23:47.900 I want to see another one.

00:23:52.940 No, remember?

00:23:53.780 He was actually really cool, though.

00:23:55.020 I actually like the weird part was I really liked him and he like hated me.

00:23:59.780 Or so like like at first he liked me like I'd make him laugh really hard and shit like

00:24:04.060 I'd say shit and he would laugh like really hard.

00:24:06.400 Yeah.

00:24:06.540 He had like a big like.

00:24:09.580 But like after a while, I think he started getting like annoyed with it because I was

00:24:13.640 like like it's you started just being like, oh, this is a guy.

00:24:16.080 If you're in real estate and you're trying really hard, it's annoying.

00:24:18.660 Right.

00:24:18.940 Right.

00:24:19.100 To older guys because they're just like, you just you fill out the thing and you do the

00:24:23.940 thing and you make 80 grand and shut up.

00:24:26.860 And you're just like, what do you think is really a good rental rate?

00:24:30.760 You know what I mean?

00:24:31.380 Like you're so into it because you're young and they're just like, oh, I got my clients.

00:24:36.960 I don't need this shit.

00:24:38.120 It's just like comedy because we were like set up with mentors when I did commercial real

00:24:42.100 estate.

00:24:42.540 Right.

00:24:42.820 And it's like.

00:24:44.600 You.

00:24:45.220 You had a bad bank.

00:24:46.080 They didn't want you.

00:24:46.660 They didn't want it to happen.

00:24:48.060 But you were like, great.

00:24:49.100 You're my mentor.

00:24:49.760 And they're like, oh, fuck.

00:24:51.040 It's kind of like this relationship here.

00:24:52.820 Kind of.

00:24:53.680 This guy's teaching me everything.

00:24:55.300 Except they don't need like a young guy really to do anything.

00:24:58.660 They don't need someone to press play on the open house.

00:25:01.380 You got to open the open house.

00:25:05.520 Yeah.

00:25:06.000 And I'll start going downhill when I moved to Collier's and they started asking me to perform

00:25:10.400 comedy in front of the company.

00:25:13.240 Lord.

00:25:13.600 I did a bunch of tranny jokes at the.

00:25:15.220 Come on.

00:25:17.960 They didn't like that, bro.

00:25:19.000 They loved it.

00:25:19.600 Oh, they loved it.

00:25:20.420 But but it was so weird because then I was going to Equinox at the time, which is like

00:25:23.760 an expensive gym.

00:25:24.780 Right.

00:25:25.260 Steam room and shit.

00:25:26.140 Yeah.

00:25:26.280 And I like was in the steam room and like like one of the top guys who was doing he was

00:25:32.100 doing like eight hundred thousand square feet or something like he was making like eight

00:25:36.880 million dollars off one deal.

00:25:38.000 It was just retarded.

00:25:39.520 And he was just like, oh, you're pretty funny.

00:25:42.300 And like he was like being in the steam room and shit.

00:25:45.320 But I was like, yeah, he's trying to fuck you.

00:25:48.760 Maybe I was like, but what I never understood was why can't one of you guys take me under

00:25:57.640 your wing?

00:25:57.980 Because that was in real estate.

00:25:59.980 The only commercial real estate office.

00:26:02.100 People don't even know what that is.

00:26:03.040 They assume it's buying income properties for people, which technically is commercial real

00:26:07.420 estate, too.

00:26:08.800 But that like a lot of people go, oh, you're buying properties for other people.

00:26:12.180 So they invest in.

00:26:13.200 No, it's office leasing.

00:26:14.800 It's like moving people like fucking offices.

00:26:17.220 Right.

00:26:17.900 People like random companies like.

00:26:19.560 Like, you know, so the only real way to make money in that business is like an older guy

00:26:27.780 who's established is like, OK, I like this kid.

00:26:29.960 I'm going to like start cutting him in on some stuff.

00:26:32.140 And then basically like comedy.

00:26:34.080 It's like comedy.

00:26:35.000 It's basically the same.

00:26:36.340 Exactly like that's why it's like I'm people are like, how did Ben figure out how to run

00:26:40.900 the bin and work to progress on colors?

00:26:44.340 Literally.

00:26:44.740 Your eyes got so.

00:26:45.760 Yeah.

00:26:46.380 Yeah.

00:26:46.780 I did an open house at the theater.

00:26:53.060 I sold out.

00:26:55.480 But like, no, there's so many similarities.

00:26:57.880 Like I would call businesses and book meetings for them to blah, blah, blah, because I was

00:27:03.140 selling the product I was selling was, hey, I'll help you with your space.

00:27:07.160 Right.

00:27:07.600 Now the product I'm selling is I going to be racist here.

00:27:10.440 I'm going to say Chinese monkey in your building.

00:27:16.780 I'm going to almost say the N word for an hour and a half.

00:27:25.480 Yeah.

00:27:26.300 So the and then you just, yeah.

00:27:30.040 And there's, you know, you just call places that do that.

00:27:34.040 Venues.

00:27:34.440 You heard it here first, guys.

00:27:37.220 If you want a career in real estate or comedy, you have to be racist.

00:27:41.500 Also, it's like, OK, commercial real estate was it was literally yuck yucks.

00:27:46.900 If everybody I think I said this the other day, yuck yucks if everybody makes a hundred

00:27:50.240 thousand basically that's what it's just like, yeah, funny people, but they're rich, too.

00:27:54.120 And they're like, oh, watch this.

00:27:55.220 I'm going to kill a secretary.

00:27:56.220 They're all like, it's the same thing.

00:28:00.500 It's like misfits.

00:28:01.580 Yeah.

00:28:02.420 Because it's like, yeah, I couldn't do anything.

00:28:04.700 Exactly.

00:28:05.240 One of the guys was like, I used to sell for like pencils for grand and toy.

00:28:08.780 Now he's making like 400 K some years, 500 K.

00:28:12.520 But he got into it because he was doing sales, like selling like notepads to universe, like

00:28:17.040 just some bullshit thing.

00:28:19.100 And then it's like, oh, what if I and then I like I got recruited randomly for commercial

00:28:24.460 real estate and I didn't even have my license.

00:28:26.620 It was kind of crazy.

00:28:27.460 Like I was doing photocopier sales.

00:28:31.820 Which people don't realize is like a legit door to door business sales like job, maybe

00:28:35.940 not as much now, but that like before the pandemic and like it was already starting to

00:28:41.260 be like those companies were investing in ways for people to get rid of paper like Rico

00:28:47.540 and Xerox and all those companies.

00:28:49.180 They have like their own like software to like get go paperless, but you still have

00:28:53.680 to buy one of their fucking machines to put the paper in to scan it into fucking and then

00:28:57.820 you shred it and what it like some bullshit.

00:28:59.880 But I was going to door to door and I was literally doing door to door sales at a fucking

00:29:05.160 recruiting office and didn't realize it.

00:29:06.940 And then like the like I was like, she was like, look, we just got a photocopier or whatever.

00:29:11.360 I'm like, well, can I like get the card of the guy who does it so I can just put it in

00:29:14.800 my file and call him in like six months.

00:29:16.400 And she's like, fine.

00:29:17.860 And I got the number and then the guy comes out, this like nerdy guy.

00:29:23.260 I fucking I actually forgot about this guy.

00:29:25.760 He was this nerdy guy.

00:29:28.380 Who really wanted to be a recruiter.

00:29:31.040 He was almost gay, but he wasn't.

00:29:33.700 He was like buyer.

00:29:34.860 He was like in an open relationship or something.

00:29:37.320 And he was like, you'd be perfect.

00:29:40.560 Have you ever thought about doing something else?

00:29:42.400 I'm like, yes, like you like you as soon as like basically when you're in sales, you're

00:29:46.440 a whore to anybody who offers you a new sales job or you're getting 40 K plus commission.

00:29:51.440 I'll give you 80.

00:29:52.060 Like, it's just like any sell any random stupid thing.

00:29:56.680 So I fucking took it.

00:29:58.860 I went through the process.

00:30:00.180 I went to the meetings.

00:30:01.460 I, you know, I lied on the resumes and whatever I had to do.

00:30:07.540 So you went to Queen's University.

00:30:11.680 Graduated.

00:30:13.100 Like, I never wrote graduated.

00:30:14.800 You just said you went.

00:30:15.800 I just went those years and they were like, you graduated.

00:30:18.200 I would just go.

00:30:22.920 And they didn't really give a fuck.

00:30:24.600 And then I had they like basically paid me a salary while I got my real estate license.

00:30:29.760 Fuck, that's awesome.

00:30:32.400 It was pretty cool, honestly.

00:30:35.480 That's like what this is, but I don't get a salary.

00:30:38.280 I know.

00:30:40.500 Well, that's like this, but with way less money.

00:30:42.680 That's why you guys need to join fucking Patreon.

00:30:44.720 I know.

00:30:45.220 Let them listen to the 20 minutes before.

00:30:47.120 Let that be their taster of what the Patreon is.

00:30:49.880 What I'm going to do is I'm going to put that on Patreon, but make it public.

00:30:54.900 Yeah.

00:30:55.100 Okay.

00:30:55.340 Anybody can watch it, but it's on Patreon.

00:30:57.540 But it's on Patreon.

00:30:58.420 I'm not going to post it as a public link on YouTube.

00:31:02.540 You'll have to go watch it on Patreon, patreon.com slash Ben Bank is.

00:31:06.360 We need to grow this page.

00:31:09.600 Subscribe here to the YouTube and Twitter and Instagram and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:31:13.460 Push the buttons.

00:31:15.320 Takes a couple minutes and it's six bucks a month.

00:31:19.060 Just fucking.

00:31:19.680 I mean, I hope that my fan.

00:31:22.240 A lot of my fans seem like they have a good amount of money.

00:31:24.720 I'm not going to lie to you fucking guys.

00:31:26.500 I go to my shows.

00:31:28.760 There's not that many poor people.

00:31:31.000 Like the poor people are the people online who don't go to my shows that are just like,

00:31:35.680 oh, I support him from afar.

00:31:37.780 And I don't.

00:31:38.680 But the people who come to my shows and buy T-shirts, you guys have money.

00:31:42.420 You're supporting a good cause.

00:31:43.920 You're supporting Canadian.

00:31:45.100 You're supporting talent because the government won't and the networks, all that.

00:31:54.020 Like I hate explaining, but there is.

00:31:56.360 And for my American fans, like Canadian fans are not as intuitive.

00:32:00.560 They don't understand because we have subsidized art in Canada and they expect that.

00:32:07.320 Oh, he's funny.

00:32:08.080 Somebody is going to give him money.

00:32:09.180 Right.

00:32:09.900 Not me, but somebody will through my tax dollar.

00:32:13.260 No.

00:32:14.500 Stop paying taxes and give me your six bucks a month.

00:32:19.540 Okay.

00:32:20.200 Can you legally tell people to stop paying taxes?

00:32:22.080 Is that illegal?

00:32:23.320 Pay six dollars less in taxes per month.

00:32:26.360 Listen.

00:32:27.120 Obviously, I'm joking.

00:32:28.140 Commit tax evasion and give me your income.

00:32:32.160 Thank you.

00:32:33.160 Exactly.

00:32:33.680 But did you, what did you, what was your, did you, like, what was your high school?

00:32:42.760 Did you play sports?

00:32:43.520 Did you play sports?

00:32:44.640 No, I ripped bongs.

00:32:45.780 I skateboarded.

00:32:48.220 That's not bad.

00:32:49.580 Yeah, I skateboarded and I.

00:32:50.960 You played hockey.

00:32:52.280 No.

00:32:53.080 Me?

00:32:53.400 Oh, he did, yeah.

00:32:54.120 I played hockey, football, baseball.

00:32:59.240 It was in drama.

00:33:00.900 You were?

00:33:01.420 Yeah.

00:33:01.720 I was fine at soccer, but it sucks.

00:33:02.960 What'd you do in drama?

00:33:05.020 Like, central tech?

00:33:06.040 Yeah.

00:33:06.900 I was sick, bro.

00:33:07.660 I got, like, an 80.

00:33:10.320 My highest mark.

00:33:12.240 I was up there, dog.

00:33:13.540 English.

00:33:13.940 It was English and drama are my two best courses.

00:33:17.760 What was the highest mark you ever got in high school?

00:33:19.980 86 in, like, grade 12 English.

00:33:22.800 Retard.

00:33:24.040 At central tech?

00:33:25.580 No, that was, like, North Toronto.

00:33:29.360 Oh.

00:33:29.600 So, I went to NT for a couple years and then I didn't like the courses because they were

00:33:33.920 all basic.

00:33:34.280 Was that grade 9, 10?

00:33:35.300 Yeah, grade 9, 10.

00:33:36.120 Then I went 11, 12 at central tech.

00:33:38.340 And then you never got an 87 again?

00:33:40.340 No.

00:33:40.960 No, I did in central tech, but, you know.

00:33:42.780 Oh, you did?

00:33:43.440 So, what was your highest mark that you ever got?

00:33:45.320 87?

00:33:46.120 You never got above an 87, but you got a couple times.

00:33:48.060 I never tried.

00:33:48.840 I never did homework.

00:33:49.820 I didn't have a binder throughout high school.

00:33:51.160 So, I, like, threw loose papers in my bag and I would just, like, show up and I would

00:33:55.660 just, like, do assignments, like, week of and I'd get, like, 70s and be like, yeah, yeah.

00:34:00.260 I bet if I tried, I could have been something.

00:34:02.420 Wow.

00:34:02.820 Yeah.

00:34:03.500 I'm a genius.

00:34:04.620 You are.

00:34:05.120 You're fucking way smarter than a fucking 70s average fucking retirement.

00:34:09.060 Oh, yeah.

00:34:09.360 And I did that in grade 10 and 11 and then, like, I, yeah, and then grade 12 I applied

00:34:16.640 myself and I got a few 90s.

00:34:18.080 But my biggest downfall, my downfall was I listened to the Joe Rogan experience and I

00:34:22.600 was like, well, I'm going to be a comedian, bro.

00:34:23.960 Schoolers are idiots.

00:34:26.100 You think that in high school?

00:34:27.380 Yeah.

00:34:27.740 I was like, oh, I started when you were seven.

00:34:28.980 I wish Joe Rogan didn't even, like, his podcast wasn't really a thing that people

00:34:32.180 listen to.

00:34:32.320 I started doing comedy in high school, but I couldn't.

00:34:34.580 It became big when we were in university.

00:34:36.240 Yeah.

00:34:36.680 When I met you is when you got.

00:34:37.880 Well, when you were in university, I was in high school.

00:34:39.760 Were we watching his podcast or were we watching?

00:34:42.400 You were watching Pod Beasts.

00:34:43.440 Were we?

00:34:44.100 Yeah.

00:34:44.620 I thought we were just watching his Netflix special.

00:34:47.340 No, podcast.

00:34:48.380 Like, I remember I was watching his Netflix special in high school, too.

00:34:51.480 Joe Rogan says you got to try everything.

00:34:52.380 Rogan was.

00:34:52.900 So I would do heroin if someone offered to do reports.

00:34:54.120 Dude, do you remember?

00:34:55.200 I said that?

00:34:56.300 No, Andrew said that.

00:34:57.100 I think you agreed.

00:34:58.040 And you were both kind of straight.

00:34:59.620 Andrew, I remember Andrew said it, but you took his side of the argument of just doing

00:35:04.720 heroin because Joe Rogan said.

00:35:06.120 But yeah, I used to listen to Joey Diaz like all the time in like grade 10 and 11.

00:35:11.280 And I used to be like, yeah, that's it.

00:35:12.320 That's the secret of life.

00:35:13.080 You got to get high as fuck.

00:35:14.460 When you were in grade 20 and 11, I was 20.

00:35:17.700 No, because I 2012.

00:35:19.000 I was in grade nine.

00:35:20.940 Graduated in 2016.

00:35:22.960 High school.

00:35:23.940 Yeah.

00:35:24.380 Holy fuck.

00:35:25.000 You're young.

00:35:25.520 Yeah.

00:35:25.760 So, yeah.

00:35:28.260 So that's when I was listening to Joe Rogan and listening to Joey Diaz.

00:35:33.020 Yeah.

00:35:33.580 But I was 23.

00:35:35.600 Your brain.

00:35:36.260 I was your age.

00:35:37.080 You were my age.

00:35:37.600 Oh, my God, Dougie.

00:35:39.920 My brain was so underdeveloped.

00:35:43.500 I should have been inside reading the Koran.

00:35:46.920 Should have never left Iran.

00:35:49.580 My family's like, we're going to give Armin a better life.

00:35:51.840 We're going to have him in Canada.

00:35:52.760 And I'm just like, oh, bro, so we didn't know this guy's been asleep for nine days.

00:35:59.980 We're waiting for the podcast to begin.

00:36:02.280 I know, literally.

00:36:02.840 We're going to be good once.

00:36:03.820 I had a phone call with another comedian that lasted the length of this podcast.

00:36:10.800 That should have been your own podcast.

00:36:12.360 Literally, dude, all we do is just be like, yo, this next guy coming to the stage is gay.

00:36:16.980 That's our bit.

00:36:17.960 Talking, though, like, you have to talk to be good at talking.

00:36:21.860 You can't just fucking.

00:36:24.540 A lot of the comics are doing, like, two podcasts a day because they're doing their podcast.

00:36:28.540 Then they're on somebody else's podcast.

00:36:29.980 Then they're just talking.

00:36:32.040 It's honestly way more work than comics used to have to do back in the day.

00:36:37.400 Way more.

00:36:37.880 Because it's like, at least back in the day, it's like, OK, you call into a radio splat.

00:36:41.400 But it's like, what, for 15?

00:36:42.680 I'm sorry, bro.

00:36:43.440 I'm smoked weed all day.

00:36:44.420 What do you want to leave me at all?

00:36:45.440 Bro, why don't you take another nap?

00:36:46.940 Sprash pat.

00:36:47.900 I was in a sprot in a sprash pat.

00:36:50.040 I don't use my mouth as much because I don't eat as much.

00:36:57.020 The muscles aren't as strong.

00:37:02.440 Dude, when we were at your fiancé's cottage, when you were in the pool, there was a mosquito

00:37:07.620 on your back.

00:37:08.480 And I lost it thinking about a hippopotamus with a bug on it.

00:37:14.400 The ecosystem.

00:37:15.400 Yeah, you're just in a fucking shallow end.

00:37:23.220 Fuck, I'm so, yeah, I'm disgusted with how I look right now.

00:37:26.740 I'm sure the viewers at home are as well, Doug.

00:37:30.060 This guy's, you're like splayed out like a Greek god.

00:37:34.300 This guy's the Greek god Obeseus.

00:37:36.120 The patron saint of diabetes.

00:37:42.020 What kind of racist accent would you like me to do?

00:37:45.800 Oh, yeah.

00:37:46.400 I was joking with Bayfield last night.

00:37:48.800 I was telling him, you doing comedy is like when people choose ethnicities for food.

00:37:53.820 It's like, oh, Chinese today?

00:37:54.800 Indian?

00:37:55.260 I don't know.

00:37:56.280 What do you do today?

00:37:58.100 You can pull up to a drive-thru and it's called Bankuses.

00:38:00.800 It's just you on a headset like, what would you like?

00:38:03.900 Chinese?

00:38:04.300 Indian?

00:38:04.440 Okay, next window to pay.

00:38:09.780 Just to hear something racist for one second.

00:38:13.400 In the future, racism is so rare you have to pay for it.

00:38:17.760 I feel like racism is going to become way more mainstream.

00:38:23.960 Or at least whatever.

00:38:26.320 This is like rock and roll.

00:38:27.740 Whatever people have pulled.

00:38:28.480 You're like ACDC if ACDC just got on stage and said the N-word.

00:38:34.440 Highway to Uganda.

00:38:44.900 I got big balls.

00:38:47.460 You know that song?

00:38:48.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:52.000 This guy's a rock star.

00:38:53.420 He's a morbid liable beast man.

00:38:55.120 Ben Benkis is a rock star.

00:38:59.780 This guy's a supernova.

00:39:00.980 You've seen him smoke an apple, green apple vape.

00:39:03.820 This guy got candy-flavored cigarettes.

00:39:11.340 Why do I like this so much?

00:39:15.120 This is way better than smoking.

00:39:16.900 Oh, this is like food.

00:39:19.560 Why am I eating all the time?

00:39:25.500 If I'm not eating, I need to be smoking food.

00:39:29.600 I want my food in vapor form.

00:39:32.860 You go to the vapor store, he's like, we have lemon kiwi, we have the green apple.

00:39:39.560 I want hamburger frits.

00:39:43.040 You guys have steak frits.

00:39:47.420 What's the soup of the day?

00:39:49.440 Shrimp tempore.

00:39:55.640 What's the soup of the day at the vape store?

00:39:58.500 Okay, sir, have you tried French onion?

00:40:06.420 We have a tomato soup.

00:40:12.960 Oh, delicious.

00:40:14.040 This vape tastes like SpaghettiOs.

00:40:17.960 Fruit loop.

00:40:20.040 Yo, can I get the flavor vape that's just insulin?

00:40:22.700 Does this prevent my diabetes?

00:40:30.700 Is this like eating a real apple?

00:40:32.560 Is this Ozempic?

00:40:35.540 Smoking Ozempic.

00:40:38.300 By the way, guys, if you're wondering why Ben has his socks off, it's because he's lost all feeling in his toes.

00:40:47.700 I just realized the whole pod's just me with my feet like a...

00:40:51.260 I know.

00:40:51.780 OnlyFans whore.

00:40:54.080 I don't have the worst feet, though.

00:40:56.240 Bro, honestly, your feet are the skinniest part of your body.

00:40:58.320 I wonder if these guys don't have to lick your feet.

00:41:01.920 Yo, your feet are jacked.

00:41:03.340 Yo, your feet look great.

00:41:05.820 Yo, you ever see Ben Mekus' feet?

00:41:08.300 Yo, I'm like, yo, this guy's like tricks.

00:41:14.000 Give me some fucking shoes.

00:41:16.960 Here, I'm going to put them in the bag.

00:41:21.780 You look even fatter.

00:41:24.480 It got even worse.

00:41:26.360 Go back to laying down.

00:41:28.320 It was better when it was old.

00:41:30.140 I honestly don't think I could sleep now for a good day.

00:41:32.700 That was like...

00:41:33.640 I was exhausted.

00:41:34.920 Yeah, you would snorlax, bro.

00:41:36.200 Let me explain my...

00:41:38.480 As much of my daily...

00:41:41.180 Your health crisis?

00:41:43.740 Well, obviously I have a kid, so we wake up, the kid wakes us up, and then Cass has to work

00:41:49.400 first thing in the morning at 8 a.m. for an hour.

00:41:52.260 So I just have to, like, be a zombie.

00:41:55.860 We watch Paw Patrol, and then...

00:42:01.260 We watch the most racist cartoon I can find for my baby.

00:42:05.960 Where is the cartoon?

00:42:07.140 That is the black dog.

00:42:10.900 The black dog rides the hovercraft.

00:42:15.840 The Chinese dog, there are no...

00:42:17.660 I think the little boy is Chinese.

00:42:19.440 The main character is Chinese.

00:42:27.040 The mayor is black.

00:42:30.440 You guys don't know the show, so that's not funny to you.

00:42:33.060 It's funny your description of it.

00:42:35.420 It's just there's a Chinese kid and a black mayor.

00:42:37.920 Fucking Paw Patrol, you know?

00:42:39.740 There's, like, a white guy in a boat.

00:42:42.080 The black dogs always look...

00:42:44.500 Damn, my...

00:42:45.560 She...

00:42:48.440 No, it's a very...

00:42:50.120 I think it's a wholesome show.

00:42:51.160 It reminds me of Rescue Heroes.

00:42:52.460 It's basically like...

00:42:53.040 Oh, buddy, I remember Rescue Heroes.

00:42:55.300 I like Paw Patrol.

00:42:56.520 It reminds me of Rescue Heroes.

00:42:57.400 I want to watch...

00:42:58.500 I want to...

00:42:58.960 I feel like all our cartoons were much more, like, adult, almost.

00:43:02.560 They were way better.

00:43:04.000 They were better, but these ones are more, like, for kids, in a way.

00:43:09.480 Yeah, whereas Rescue Heroes, they had that scene where the guy got his dick sucked.

00:43:12.460 Oh, I'm on a hovercraft.

00:43:19.080 Where's the black...

00:43:19.860 Oh, we don't have black characters in this show.

00:43:21.660 No, there was a black guy.

00:43:22.560 Yeah, they're rescuing them.

00:43:24.300 Hurricane in Haiti.

00:43:26.720 Stuck in a swimming pool.

00:43:27.800 That's so funny.

00:43:29.560 That's so funny.

00:43:30.400 Remember that episode of Rescue Heroes where they went to New Orleans?

00:43:35.540 Hurricane Katrina?

00:43:37.540 Paw Patrol.

00:43:38.340 Where were you then?

00:43:39.060 Where was Paw Patrol when they were looking for Bin Laden?

00:43:44.520 Where was Paw Patrol on September 11th, 2001?

00:43:49.200 There was a Muslim dog.

00:43:52.420 Allahu Dog Bar.

00:43:58.420 Muhammad Al-Bachin.

00:44:00.080 I don't know.

00:44:01.000 I don't know.

00:44:01.600 Allahu Dog Bar.

00:44:03.160 Allahu Wolf.

00:44:05.320 Elf Bar.

00:44:06.840 Allahu Elf Bar.

00:44:09.060 That's what I tell the Arab guy at the vape shop.

00:44:13.160 Get a disco.

00:44:14.640 Get another aloe.

00:44:15.560 Do you guys have vape, but it looks like a hookah?

00:44:19.220 He doesn't have hookah vape.

00:44:21.760 But anyway, I don't get...

00:44:22.700 Then I have to do...

00:44:24.000 Obviously, I'm my own manager.

00:44:25.880 I hate telling people this, but...

00:44:27.660 Yeah, then you have to book your gigs and make a poster and then...

00:44:30.140 I feel like, do like...

00:44:31.740 Administrator...

00:44:33.020 What is it?

00:44:34.740 Administrative.

00:44:36.100 Your hair is very bizarre right now.

00:44:38.020 You look like you...

00:44:39.100 Turn that way to...

00:44:40.380 Like, turn all the way that way?

00:44:42.140 Doesn't that...

00:44:42.640 Whoa, Lego.

00:44:43.900 Lego character.

00:44:45.740 Lego.

00:44:48.020 The administrative stuff.

00:44:50.040 Making posters.

00:44:51.840 Emailing venues.

00:44:52.980 Doing that stuff.

00:44:54.680 And my problem is, like...

00:44:56.020 I want to be up till, like, 3 a.m. editing.

00:44:59.940 Like that.

00:45:00.220 And then I...

00:45:00.820 Like, ideally, I'm up till 3 a.m. editing.

00:45:02.920 I wake up at 7.30.

00:45:04.340 I post something for 8.

00:45:06.260 I go to bed for 2 hours.

00:45:07.600 I wake up again at 11.

00:45:08.800 But it's just unsustainable to live...

00:45:10.480 And I was living like that for a bit.

00:45:12.160 Ideally, my life is split in between naps.

00:45:15.460 Well, no.

00:45:16.100 For the first, like...

00:45:16.960 You wake up at 8.

00:45:17.700 You go back to bed for 2 hours.

00:45:18.940 You post again at 11.

00:45:19.800 Then you're up.

00:45:20.900 But, like, you kind of have to have that momentum.

00:45:22.840 It is.

00:45:23.100 Because...

00:45:23.500 It is fun when I make a...

00:45:24.760 It is fun when I make a post and then go to bed.

00:45:27.300 Like, that's my job.

00:45:28.580 Go right back to sleep.

00:45:29.940 And my mom's, like, in the other room on a work call.

00:45:31.940 Because it is...

00:45:32.460 Like, I was doing that.

00:45:33.360 And then you, like, wake up.

00:45:34.360 And then it's like, okay.

00:45:35.060 That got, like...

00:45:35.760 I've got, like, 1,000 likes in 2 hours.

00:45:38.140 Now I'm gonna...

00:45:39.220 Like, you're motivated.

00:45:40.100 Or, like, whatever it is.

00:45:41.280 200 likes or 500.

00:45:42.700 When I get 200 likes and you're like,

00:45:44.020 I gotta go eat something.

00:45:45.620 Yeah.

00:45:45.900 But I just haven't been prioritizing the ice baths, the gym,

00:45:53.400 the Rogan routine type shit that I was doing that keeps me fit.

00:45:59.140 Because...

00:45:59.500 Insane.

00:46:00.060 This is...

00:46:01.900 Like, it's like a fucking crazy job to not...

00:46:05.960 To be fat to do.

00:46:07.120 Is that what you were saying?

00:46:09.000 Why'd you just say insane randomly?

00:46:11.180 Well, it'd be, like, to...

00:46:12.320 You work out and, like, move around to, like, not...

00:46:14.000 You were thinking about how much money that's all gonna cost.

00:46:15.760 No, no.

00:46:16.140 I'm saying, like, when you're, like, doing ice baths and working out

00:46:18.480 and, like, moving forward and getting things done.

00:46:20.160 It helps me, like, keep my sanity.

00:46:21.740 Because, like, the ice bath and shit is, like, hard.

00:46:23.940 Like, Rogan talks about, obviously.

00:46:25.100 I don't want to talk about ice baths right now, but...

00:46:27.360 It does help.

00:46:28.980 With any...

00:46:29.740 Like, you know what I mean?

00:46:31.340 You were doing...

00:46:31.960 We did it together.

00:46:32.880 Yeah, we did it.

00:46:33.400 Yeah.

00:46:33.760 We held hands.

00:46:35.900 Did we?

00:46:36.540 We 69ed in the ice bath.

00:46:39.460 Put your ass in the air.

00:46:40.700 Played with my cold balls.

00:46:47.280 Put my face in a gooch.

00:46:52.160 All I felt was icicles on my head.

00:46:57.920 His gooch was ice cold.

00:46:59.620 Took a shower with Ben Bangas.

00:47:02.060 I liked going there.

00:47:03.260 You, like...

00:47:03.640 There's the little lounge.

00:47:04.620 I know.

00:47:05.040 Oh, everyone's...

00:47:05.920 It's so relaxing.

00:47:06.760 Everyone's so hot.

00:47:08.060 Like, I want to go there now.

00:47:09.440 Like, I don't want to go home.

00:47:11.100 You know.

00:47:12.100 Should we just go there?

00:47:13.480 I can grab my bathing suit.

00:47:15.300 We can go.

00:47:15.980 Yeah.

00:47:16.380 You want to go?

00:47:17.620 Where?

00:47:18.120 Other shit.

00:47:18.860 Other shit.

00:47:19.140 Let's go to...

00:47:19.600 Yeah, let's go to...

00:47:20.140 Let's see.

00:47:20.760 Here.

00:47:21.020 Let me see if they have an opening today.

00:47:23.980 I'm scared of working my phone.

00:47:25.380 Oh, shit.

00:47:26.120 Brian O'Gorman's show is starting right now.

00:47:27.900 Shit, Cassie.

00:47:28.400 I guess we're literally not doing comedy today.

00:47:31.180 I did a podcast for eight hours.

00:47:32.960 We only got 47 minutes.

00:47:34.260 Now, let's see.

00:47:37.200 Other shit.

00:47:37.760 Okay.

00:47:38.160 Oh, that's Grindr.

00:47:38.940 Oh, my God.

00:47:40.000 If you're enjoying this episode of The Bankist Show, you will love the last 15 minutes, which

00:47:47.220 are available only on Patreon as a bonus episode.

00:47:51.840 You should sign up right now.

00:47:53.760 Patreon.com slash Ben Bankist.

00:47:55.640 It's a great way to support Ben on a monthly or yearly basis.

00:47:59.720 All proceeds go towards making the show even funnier.

Bankas Podcast - July 23, 2023

Allahu Elfbar ｜ The Bankas Show - #026

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