Dai Low ｜ The Bankas Show - #027
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
151.62704
Summary
In this episode of The Bank is Show, the boys talk about racism in the asian community and how the internet has made them all mad at each other. Also, we talk about the time Daniel went to a gay dinner with his parents and got scammed out of a free meal.
Transcript
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welcome to the bank is show everyone we have uh we've not done an episode in a couple days
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um and we are here in the what do we call this the bat cave no the bank cave
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eating bats cave the bankove i kind of like the back eating bats cave
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one bat cave yeah that's the only shitty part about saying bat cave is that there's a whole
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movie about that already this is ground zero yeah this is all racism this is ground zero like you
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know when like a nuclear bomb drops and they show like the shock wave this is like right where it
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hits since like the n-word was said here and the ripple oh yeah it's been um it's been a crazy week
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welcome to all the new fans new listeners of the podcast first of all i want to say that i want to
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be professional here and uh thank you for listening whether you're listening because you love me and
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you want to see what i have to say or you're listening because sub-american tick tocker told
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you to be mad and now you're here hello you you tell me what the reason is but you know why i'm here
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this guy knows what he's doing hey he's a professional hey look i got my new book here oh
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i can't show you everything's held together can't show you that we have a book on improv that holds
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the whole thing like the biggest problem with podcasting is just that it's so easy to knock stuff
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over this looks great it looks good um tell the people what's what's been happening
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your life is at risk because my life isn't at risk there's just a there's a bunch of
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old tick-tockers because of who saw ben bank is doing olivia chow impersonation and were like
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high blood pressure you can't do you can't do an asian accent when are you listening to this
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boardman looks like a drone operator all right bomb him everything's fine yeah you look like you hate
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palsy and i do the one guy who's worried about saying fucked up shit he's like i
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fucking hate them literally you think you know what he was telling me it was not hate speech it was
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comedy he looked at me and he was like do you think there's a way to make ai make cartoons like
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this guy literally wants to do charlie hebdo again he wants to ask chad gpt to reverse charlie hebdo
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drama g goes into a into a cartoonist's house um yeah charlie hebdo i remember watching charlie hebdo
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on like nowadays woke people wouldn't know what to do like then people were like that's bad you
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shouldn't kill guys for drawing things now they're like now they're like maybe you should
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maybe you should kill yourself people like saying that kill yourself but that you know what's funny
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is like when insecure people tell you to kill yourself and then you're like no you and they're
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like oh you're like yeah because your life is bad so basically a bunch of uh gay chinese people are
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mad at me on the internet some of them were gay whites gay people are the new ambassadors of of
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of being offended they're the new people that go around going they have to be the new allies
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because they're less on the chopping block like you know like they've they've had their time that
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they're like they're like now white allies so they have to like now that they're descending right they
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got it like it's a they're white already yeah exactly right so they got to like maintain the
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thing so that's why they're being the most like ally-ish like being mad
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no gaze this is like when i when daniel took me to dinner with his parents and uh he had two dads
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yeah um no i liked your parents but we went to the keg which is very jewy of you because yeah
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do you want to uh come for my to my son we're using a gift card jewish
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what are you crazy the whole meal his parents were just trying to figure out how we were getting a
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discount that was you no because yeah that was you and you were you that was what you were doing
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you were doing walking to the keg waiter comes he's like oh everyone's planning to kill me let's
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uh get something free and oh yeah so what happened was the day we went for dinner with daniel's
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parents is the day this all started this all started asian woman the korean let's be specific
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because otherwise she'll go super saiyan that's like woke woke asians if you're like what are you
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uh vietnamese they're like hey no i'm not um they turn into a honda civic
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it's a big spirit bomber every chinese person's like we want to kill this jew
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it's just a bunch of people who said death threats it's a massive death threat
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i'm just not going to like this ballroom ultimate death threat
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it's kind of funny that he won't stop doing it they should do fear factor now but it's just
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people doing accents it's like oh no this runs chinese just extreme anger
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fear factor who can't handle it anymore who can unlock their doors and jane and kill first
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who can drive through a bad neighborhood in a nice car
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modern fear factor can't get in the ferrari like
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but yeah so people are mad which is great this is this is everything we've wanted
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it's everything i ever wanted and ever prayed for was for ben bangs to be the lightning rod of anger
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of liberal anger yeah every liberal i want more liberals to know about me too uh i think that
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i think we've been going at this wrong no we've been trying to entertain conservatives instead of
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trying to piss off it's time to do blackface i think all my stuff pissed the people dude it's like
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when uh when like a superhero looks at his costume after retiring but it's just you opening a closet and
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it's blackface blackface paint you're like it's time to bust out the cave for you it's just like a
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picture of a bunch of asian politicians remember you should have like a chinese shrine to all the
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asian women you believe you know what's crazy though like i have nothing against obviously like i love
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you just don't even more racist i love all that i love all these uh you know
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i love every different type of white you know these people
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like the portuguese i like the italians i like the
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no i love i i love chinese people i mean i don't know that many chinese people like on a personal
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like i don't roll with a chinese dude so that is probably a problem
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but i have chinese fans and they're awesome and my dad is you know we had chinese students growing up and
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like i i i don't even give a fuck i shouldn't even have to fucking explain anything fuck you
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if you think i'm racist suck a dick and you know well a lot of this is a lot of this is american
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self-ignorance is like you're literally mocking every different politician you've done doug ford
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justin trudeau i think americans just don't realize that like what would happen if the
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fucking president it's not your fault a different yeah but it's like it's not your fault that a bunch
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of crazy asian ladies are given like power in society they should just be lucky olivia chow
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wasn't a black woman let's see what that content would have been hey yo man she i'm olivia chow man
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you're coming everywhere you're like oh i can only make fun of the politicians why don't you make fun
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of black people because none of them are politicians because barack yeah i know you would have been wild
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if you were around you would have been great because you you would have been like the only american
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one to like actually do barack obama but not in like a whatever way but like saying hilarious
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we're saying hilarious but they kind of did that on key and peel too yeah but everybody did that
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that's the point is that we all made fun of it remember that rap video where it was like the
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walk of flock of video but it was like barack obama or whatever like part of the function of
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comedy has like 10 million views it's are like more than that it's like it's it's a walk of flock of
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song parody video and the guy it's like they found this actor who looks just like barack obama and he's
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like in the hood like it's hilarious that's actually so funny it's funny it's not like well
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why would you why would barack obama be in a hood neighborhood because it'd be funny if he was yeah
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it's a joke you fucking retard it's okay we if i say retard we just bleep it yeah
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okay who gives a shit demonetize me demonetize gay anyway we're gonna start posting this on twitter like
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yeah we're posting it on x get subscribers on twitter it's not called twitter anymore it's
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motherfucking x x gonna give it to you x.com you want to see ben bankus's podcast you go to x.com
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where they don't give a if i say retard or faggot or cunt wait until they drop n
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the greatest most racist app known to man known to humanity triple n dot com
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what does it stand for whatever you think it does national basketball association
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i'm ian hennemansing and i can technically say it
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i have been allowed for any american listeners ian hennemansing is our like the mate he's like our
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what's it like what's the white gay guy on cnn prime time on don lemon
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he's like our don lemon he's like our john he's like sri lankan yeah he's like oh
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but yeah oh good evening no no he's like i mean he looks like trudeau in blackface
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it is no he talks like he talks like a old school news i've never seen trudeau and ian
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hennemansing in the same place at once like superman and clark kent my name is justin
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just justin sure running to a phone booth to dress up like ian to say the n-word
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it's so funny just saying people are racist it's literally the funniest trudeau's like yeah so
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you're saying that trudeau is like the he's like superman of racism yeah he's like like
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in public he's like oh well we need to protect the gays and then he goes and he takes just he's
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i bet there's so many conservatives that hate trudeau because the blackface thing came out and
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they were gonna vote for sheer and then they saw that video and they were like yo this guy got my
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vote and then he pulled that's my joke really is that what he said yeah oh that's a real joke that
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i did but yeah it's true i did that joke four years ago but i did it a couple times at the x
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but to continue is better than the way i did it
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no i used to say that i would say when trudeau won the first time and i was like
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all the conservatives were gonna vote for for sheer and then they saw he did blackface like well
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maybe i might be voting liberal this time it's like it's true it's fucking um i actually don't think
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that actually happened but it's a funny joke yeah but i think what actually happened is that um
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they just the election is not necessarily fair bro more than fair but also like there's not a lot
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of things that make people change like their political views on someone like trudeau right
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like if you what's crazy though is you're bringing people from other countries where they don't
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necessarily have democracy and then you're going oh once you get here by the way we have two parties
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and the party that brought you here is this one and the party that wants you out is that yeah
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exactly and how is that fair if you're just going like yeah it's like having too many players on the
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field it's uh yeah it's like a penalty yeah hockey or whatever yeah and it's bad for it's bad for those
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immigrants bad for society but like there's some political it's nonsense bad for society yeah
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well it's bad for society to have too many people like the whole like no to have an immigration
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system focused on sort of like political convenience and like because if you dump a bunch of people
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from like all the same area in the same group humans are humans and they're gonna like they want to
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talk and socialize so they're gonna like whatever language in it but if you if you inter disperse
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people at a reasonable amount all over like we used to do then they forced to learn english and
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they integrate jesus christ that's when we look at this guy we're like oh i thought that was racist holy
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shit they're walking around going i'm here they don't know english right away what the
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fuck you know what i'm saying if you dump 10 000 of them in the same place they're fine
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dumped dumped yeah dumping stuff yeah backing up oh my god that's literally what we're doing we
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literally come into this place and then we take them and we are we're literally doing that it's just
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an air canada flight but like welcome to toronto get off and you'll leave here now you stinky
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yeah get up immediately get in a taxi and take a white man home right at the airport
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we used to have that bit where i was like all the uber eats guys look like they're so fresh off the
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boat it's like trudeau met them at the airport instead of giving them a canada goose jacket he
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was just like here's the 2017 toyota corolla get to work because there was like a point that was like
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a joke from when trudeau was going around in ottawa the syrian refugees and he was meeting them at the
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airport with canada goose jackets yeah and putting them in 800 what the did you get a north face from
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winners from where where's that girl now i want to know now she's in a tent outside a passport
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office or whatever i mean she's gonna be the minister of energy don't you dare don't you dare
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as a woman tell me you're gonna be a politician let's just fuck it on
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should we explain no it's too scary it's funny but it's patreon patreon patreon.com slash ben bankus
00:16:35.760
guys and also i i'm gonna do a quick ad this might get cut out because i don't think i didn't get the
00:16:43.600
contract there might have but if the contact comes through this appears uh whenever we will do an ad
00:16:49.600
soon we're not doing an ad yet i don't have the contract okay she said it might take she said it
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could take up to a week to get it yeah best hold off then so but so i can't really talk about it but
00:17:00.560
we are looking at getting sponsored and that'll also piss off the same people that are already mad
00:17:28.560
no i think that um the people who are upset online are members of nambla some of them
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they don't realize they're but that's what that's the only way they can be funny
00:17:57.600
he's doing an asian accent mocking the mayor of toronto
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i've been saying her name like alone when the house
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just as long sure you can because it's so funny it's like power up it's like
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it's so perfect because it's like this guy claims he's a comedian and this is the mayor
00:18:20.800
and he's gonna make fun of her how horrible like stop doing comedy it's like so it's so brilliantly
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like it's so amazing honestly i've actually had a great week guys because i haven't even had to
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the one guy he's angry and his like hair keeps moving yeah it's like it like he has the perfect asian hair so it's just like
00:18:58.240
in their cars like they i'm turning it down when they get the stop signs
00:19:08.560
imagine being in an uber being like uh can i get the ox
00:19:19.600
can i scare you for an uber driver and you're listening to the beggar show on body
00:20:04.720
oh yeah guys my dad took money from chinese people okay
00:20:21.280
you have to your dad was first chair of the vial of of toronto that's it that's an asian god
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explain your dad's like famous to he's like a chinese god bro you're not taking a hit
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i don't really know his dad works at pure later
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yeah somebody somebody actually wrote to me they're like oh i'm gonna pay your mother a visit
00:22:03.840
this is all a scheme to get the angry chinese gay man from america to murder my mother
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the last time you pissed off the chinese the long-term care center has got crazy
00:22:26.560
she has bruises all over after the every teresa
00:22:50.480
i don't know they're treating it worse now they know who
00:23:26.640
you can't just not be you have to have weird like it's it's a weird
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road like even like what were you talking about that the other day where it's like
00:23:38.960
the rumor is on the street that armin is going to get signed to yuck yucks which in canada is
00:23:44.720
the it's like being put on the like doing all the improvs or or doing all the
00:23:55.120
yeah like the funny bones the zanies you now you you're in that
00:24:00.080
circuit and you're you're doing those gigs um you're not you know you're not
00:24:05.360
headlining them you're opening you're hosting you're working the door for non-canadians like
00:24:10.800
it's the only club that has cross-country reach like it's the only club that goes across canada
00:24:16.400
it's the only comedy it's the only one in canada that
00:24:20.080
you know that matters i'll be honest basically yeah it's the only one that matters and
00:24:26.720
fucking idiot is wrong you don't like backroom comedy club
00:24:30.880
not good enough being in the basement of an idiot do you remember when we were so
00:24:35.840
comedy clubs are good in the alleyway behind yuck yucks oh the good old joronto but um because
00:24:44.000
somebody from the comedy club across the way which is called the corner one of the patrons
00:24:48.960
went randomly walked through the yuck yucks back door allegedly there's allegedly allegedly
00:24:53.920
allegedly allegedly that's what we heard this is hearsay we weren't there we were off on tour
00:25:00.400
somebody told us yeah we were gone and this is they told us something something happened and now
00:25:06.080
we can't go in the alleyway but we used to go in the alleyway and honestly the alleyway sucked
00:25:09.920
remember the one time that woman that woman like punched me in the face yeah you're showcasing for jfo
00:25:14.480
yeah and i hadn't gone on yet i know and we started talking to these like random women outside and then
00:25:19.920
i was like uh she's like showing everybody her ring i was like that looks pretty
00:25:25.200
fucking small or something or like wedding ring that looks small and she like punched me in the
00:25:31.280
face it was up right in front of my lawyer too um but yeah so then we went back in and i crushed it
00:25:38.480
but uh so it's kind of a good thing that they have the back alley closed but anyway we used to hang
00:25:42.480
out in the back alley what am i talking about something to do with getting signed i don't remember
00:25:48.000
yuck yucks fell down i think you got on a tangent and then then you got to talk about every crime
00:25:52.720
that ever happened yeah they incriminated everything he's gonna present
00:26:05.840
we'll find out that alleyway special that's where i got everybody to sign for me to run for mayor
00:26:11.200
yeah that's the thing i don't think you'll be mad i think you'll be like you'll be happy because
00:26:15.040
nothing happened everything's been figured out who gives a fuck they just close somebody
00:26:20.080
fell and now we can't go in the alley yeah i don't know why the i'm telling you this why am
00:26:25.200
i telling this there's a because yuck yucks is important and we're proud of our yuck yucks is
00:26:29.680
important because the alleyway something something mazel tov yes yeah yeah yeah but anyway the point was
00:26:38.640
that i was telling you uh it's a crazy road like maybe it was in the alleyway i don't remember but
00:26:45.920
it was like you were like i just want to get signed and it's like you can't you just the when you get
00:26:53.200
something like you you know like you just have to be get crazier like you hung out with me for a year
00:26:58.000
i know and we're just like oh that's nuts oh that's crazy and then it's like but it made you feel
00:27:03.920
comfortable to be yourself too around like breslin it's true it's like all these other guys are like
00:27:08.240
afraid to be themselves around mark or around whoever around anybody in the business around the
00:27:13.520
fucking jfl people because the the jfl people and the cbc people that's how they want you to act they
00:27:20.480
want you to act terrified of them and you know treat them like they're like so above you and you're
00:27:25.440
just this puny little comic and please get me five minute spot on the next crave special so i can
00:27:30.960
make fifteen hundred dollars once and never again like it's pathetic these people are losers so
00:27:37.440
you're on the right road you're killing it and you know i'm proud of you i'm proud of you that you
00:27:45.680
fucking it's it's a crazy fucking thing to to want to do stand up and each level that you get go up
00:27:54.480
is worth celebrating and we almost can't believe because you because he was like september october i'm
00:27:59.920
almost like there's still that comic part of my brain that's like that's not going to happen
00:28:05.200
just can't accept like yeah it's happening it's over i don't have to be an open mic or no more
00:28:09.920
it's kind of gave you but i'm sorry i'm 24. it's called imposter syndrome i don't know who's calling me
00:28:16.960
it's mark he's like you talked about me i'm never signing on it i've hacked been big kisses no
00:28:21.920
no cut this part out somebody bought a ticket that's good he called me from edmonton
00:28:30.720
scared to answer it they burnt down the century casino probably the people who
00:28:36.160
i had a second special filmed that i probably never paid those people
00:28:40.240
most expensive uber drive i've ever had oh my god that was a nightmare yeah we like hired this
00:28:48.400
company to film us to drive us in edmonton at a like an empty abandoned casino the longer it is
00:28:55.280
away from that happening though the cooler that special becomes i feel like and i am going to
00:29:00.400
release it at some point in some form and um but we have also filmed a second special right now i have
00:29:05.280
two specials ready to be given out um ready to one of them's edited and ready to post
00:29:13.360
and i don't know if i like it yet maybe i'll never like it maybe you guys will love it which one is it
00:29:18.000
is um it was going to be called nightmare in edmonton okay the nightmare before red deer the second one
00:29:24.240
at the royal i don't know what to call i was going to call it like royal flush or royally
00:29:35.280
you know when people say that royally yeah or uh no refunds
00:29:41.120
i feel like that's been done royally no because that implies that you might like bond yeah i know
00:29:46.640
that's what i thought when i thought of no refunds yeah no retards like yeah i don't care if you don't
00:29:51.840
like it all right then there's goes double or nothing yeah put it all on one video
00:29:58.800
call it dialo or nothing call it you know live free or call it tam tam chow hour the last chinese
00:30:08.320
man instead of die hard it's dialo hard once you dress up like bruce willis in an air vent you can't
00:30:14.320
fit in dialo crushing tiger hidden bankus what does dialo mean in chinese i don't know it means
00:30:20.640
something because i keep hearing it in sleeping dogs i think it might need it might mean like buck or
00:30:24.880
something oh my god okay ready yeah yeah what does it mean
00:30:41.920
oh no my whole computer is in chinese now holy it means elder brother big brother
00:30:49.520
do you remember uh remember that movie brother bear
00:31:20.080
no it's like a disney film where like this uh it was like animated and it was like this native kid
00:31:24.800
that becomes a bear right but it's like you and you just you become a chinese man
00:31:32.640
they should make a movie called uh sending them all black poor daniel he's on hinge and
00:31:49.040
putting out podcasts like this this has 90 000 views it's him being like they go in the input they're like
00:32:01.600
should i talk about who you went on a date with is that crazy
00:32:20.560
technically i love how people say that about jews and it's like people wonder how the holocaust happened
00:32:32.880
yeah they used to say that shit did they really i'll bring that back
00:32:39.120
this whole podcast is about we have to end anti-semitism
00:32:44.000
there is a lot of anti-semitism though in like not wanting jews to be funny i think be in the hood
00:32:51.360
because as it like jews invented the idea of kind of like stand-up comedy being this funny
00:32:57.680
like you know like jesus maybe not i mean black people are always funny and stuff but
00:33:05.840
jesus was definitely funny these cracks that the chapelle thing's a little crooked
00:33:11.520
they're gonna think we're racist that's not oh you can't
00:33:16.720
whatever it just breaks it he's saying um the jute like lenny bruce is the first like first of
00:33:25.280
who is before lenny bruce people go oh there were comedy before lenny bruce who
00:33:30.240
mort saul it's like almost it's like the primordial soup of judaism it just gets more and more
00:33:36.160
jewy as you find out who was before who was before mort saul yeah
00:33:45.040
that was comedy like before comedy was just like people somebody must have said that like in some
00:33:57.200
other language if you said a joke and it split the room like like not like i mean they had comedy so i
00:34:03.440
actually took a course in university called the history of humor and uh it's like the greek
00:34:10.000
philosophers they did chinese accent aristotle was going ching chang bing bang
00:34:18.000
they had his scribes write it down hours he would just sit there and go tylo
00:34:22.240
sorry they just came with some boats and rice and they were like
00:34:32.640
they invented noodles the guys that go don't lie don't lie don't lie to me don't lie hey i don't
00:34:39.360
lie you don't lie you don't lie i know if you lie to me you die low
00:34:48.800
you know julius caesar used to put the chinese people
00:34:52.880
you know he used to put chinese people in the coliseum and he would just do some jokes
00:35:16.800
every single historical figure was a stand-up comedy
00:35:19.120
or had to do some form of it like every great leader had to go in front of a crowd and like
00:35:29.440
do a bit do a bit yeah make them laugh a little bit not you don't think leaders in
00:35:34.880
those times when the huns and were coming or whoever the they were fighting they
00:35:39.280
didn't do a little die low right are the jamaic people like they like he'd be up there
00:35:45.360
speaking latin and then he'd probably do a little impersonation for a second and maybe
00:35:50.240
yeah people like haha yes killed him so maybe that is why people that's but that that is part of
00:35:55.760
like humors can be used for those reasons but the history of humor cores was
00:36:05.200
over the textbook i remember an ancient greek joke man doing black face on a wall
00:36:09.440
it's just racist cave paintings for centuries these people have been being racist in caves
00:36:17.920
well yeah nomadic tribes of humans went to different places to learn new accents to make fun
00:36:25.680
well think about how we uh like people were moving around the world as different like before like
00:36:33.680
we're a hybrid technically of like neanderthals and homo sapiens even though it's like a small percentage
00:36:38.400
yeah it's some people have more like byron murtrom or neanderthals some people more goblown like
00:36:57.520
the philosopher's stone but it's just jordan peterson's book
00:37:02.160
harry here this is yours here's 12 rules for hogwarts 12 rules to be transphobic
00:37:16.240
you don't think people around the rosetta stone are making some jokes
00:37:20.560
they first translated languages they were like they i remember taking a classic course people like
00:37:26.000
societies can't function like most of the societies like like in in rome and like the biggest best
00:37:33.920
societies didn't have like necessary like censorship was there let me look i i remember taking classes
00:37:41.760
course of queens too and i remember like the first joke that they had recorded like was some sumerian
00:37:46.000
tablet which is something like if a young girl like you know when a young girl sits on your lap and
00:37:51.200
farts and like that was a hilarious sumerian joke in some way no you know what it's like when you're
00:37:56.800
like but i remember the turning 18 oh listen i'm the great thing too so this did happen during not
00:38:02.640
but okay so it didn't happen until basically like the end of the empire okay censorship 443 bc
00:38:10.960
until 22 bc roman officials censored political pamphlets religious texts histories anything related to
00:38:17.600
those who suffered damnatio memori and literary works olivia kiss chowakus
00:38:25.200
indicted interesting they elected a chinese man there was a guy going around but i remember there's
00:38:35.520
like people in ancient greece who were legitimately funny like they did plays and stuff um legitimately
00:38:41.120
funny you should have seen this guy crush no there's there's one joke i remember here we go okay
00:38:45.280
sorry you go for what was roman comedy like this form was similar to the greek improvised farces or
00:38:51.280
comos oh no it was improv and made use of the second city yeah made use of stock masks characters
00:38:58.960
slapstick gags and plots which focused on domestic issues usually involving boy meets girl parents
00:39:05.840
forbid marriage and intervention of a clever slave they had to meet the intervention of a clever slave
00:39:12.080
to save the day yeah it's wild dude that's crazy i remember there's an there's a greek play that
00:39:20.320
opens with like someone talking about like uh how they're going to build this amazing society and
00:39:26.080
like utopia for everyone and it's going to be great and then so they turn one to the other and
00:39:30.320
says who's going to build this they say oh the slaves um greek joke invention of racism in classical
00:39:40.160
antiquity the invention of racism i wonder who that guy was he invented it what's barbar there was racism
00:39:46.480
in the ancient world after all this groundbreaking book refutes the common belief that ancient
00:39:50.160
greeks and romans harbored ethnic and cultural but not racial prejudices blah blah blah
00:39:56.880
yo no yeah yo you seen that roman guy but our version of but part of the reason they weren't
00:40:02.560
like super racist because they don't they didn't have other races around well you know like the
00:40:07.920
barbarian term you know where that comes from right that logic is like so scary not even like they
00:40:12.800
didn't even know of them really the scariest logic you don't want to say they didn't know asian people
00:40:17.520
existed maybe not everyone but they know outside some of them like the high elites may
00:40:21.920
have i've seen in that oriental type but do you know like do you know the the etymology of the
00:40:26.320
word barbarian probably weren't racist because when they met somebody who looked so different it
00:40:29.600
was almost like oh my god you think that was entertainment back then well everyone i got a chinese
00:40:34.800
guy just like look at that but that's always been entertainment throughout that's how westerners
00:40:42.240
discovered the rest of the world is because like when we when vasco de gamel was looking for india
00:40:47.760
he was going in along this uh western coast of africa and he was stopping in these places and like
00:40:54.880
he'd see lights and he'd stop there and they did all they were african obviously but they didn't
00:41:00.160
weren't like a white man kill him they were like wow crazy and they would and he'd be like how did
00:41:04.720
i get here and they like they were playing the idea that other like people that the original
00:41:10.320
explorers were quote unquote racist they weren't so racist that they they showed up and asked for
00:41:15.680
help and traded but yeah they took advantage because it's it's like a business expanding your
00:41:20.400
empire is a business you don't think walmart what people mad that explorers in the 1500s and 1400s
00:41:27.440
took advantage of natives but you're not mad that walmart and and all these companies are taking
00:41:32.960
advantage of three lancans and yeah at every moment off i like how it's like white people
00:41:40.960
were explorers and they tried to find india now indian people come here and they drive ford explorers
00:41:47.920
the circle of life canada is a special place america is a special place the west is special
00:41:53.120
um in the sense that it's the only place people really want to move to people aren't moving in
00:42:00.480
droves to brazil or fucking somalia or any african country or china china won't let them in first of
00:42:10.640
all they're not moving to russia they're not moving to japan they won't let them in we're the only
00:42:15.920
countries letting people in who and treating them with any dignity and then people go but it's white
00:42:22.160
people's fault it's white people well what if we just said no then what if white countries go no
00:42:28.560
cut it up and then oh they are racist it's like so we're racist if we we're damned if we do damned if
00:42:34.000
we don't if you stop the flow of immigration you're racist and if you keep bringing the immigrants here
00:42:38.880
you're racist because you're still a white supremacist what do you mean white supremacist what if white
00:42:44.640
people start moving to africa and then we go it's a black supremacist country i mean what the
00:42:49.120
are you talking about this is where the people live let's move to africa i know let's go to
00:42:54.720
ghana better life oh i live in africa you know i made eight dollars today i can pay for three years
00:43:00.480
worth i just got signed to joseph corny cone cone cone oh you are very funny at corny last night
00:43:12.160
kill your parents you want to join the roster i want to mine diamonds for the rest of my life
00:43:21.920
how would you become ufc champion making money entertaining the diamond work miners
00:43:31.840
yeah it's like you sold out every night show for us marines but you're doing a show for diamond
00:43:36.320
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah welcome to south africa hello welcome mr bankers mr bankers you're
00:43:52.000
very funny i want to see a video of you making fun of our man his name is his name is um that was
00:44:00.800
like one of the first russell peters jokes that i saw was him doing like that like when he goes to
00:44:05.520
south africa and they're like i went to south africa and they were like hello this is my friend i know
00:44:11.040
i remember that joke i was like and it was like killer i remember my mom showed white people like that
00:44:16.480
joke and what's interesting is i think eventually i'm going to be more famous with non-white people
00:44:20.800
and white people will just hate me hopefully and it'll prove to the world that everyone's racist
00:44:26.080
that white people are the most racist in in the like the people the white people who are saying
00:44:30.880
they're not racist are the most racist yeah because they're like these people are systematically
00:44:36.240
obsessed with race so they act out in real life whereas everybody else like indian people chinese
00:44:40.800
people could see my comedy and be like he's being funny he's raising some points that are factual it's
00:44:45.200
not necessarily like or or or they've faced real discrimination and they're like this isn't it like
00:44:50.560
i don't care about this i think it's time like a monkey face is not real yeah like ben bankers says
00:45:06.560
ben bankers checks his messages listen i'm chinese i have the balls to say ben bankers is racist but not
00:45:20.560
because i know the chinese are literally uh mass killing muslims and making them make nikes but uh
00:45:25.520
don't do the dialogue yeah i know there's actual genocide happening in china there's literally
00:45:31.120
do a chinese man's accent that could that could inflame that'll make one black guy press the
00:45:43.360
this guy get squared ben bankers is single-handedly responsible for the uptick in black guys randomly
00:45:50.240
punching old chinese women some black guy punches like a 95 year old chinese shopping cart they're like
00:45:57.200
why'd you do it he's like my phone ben bankers man i saw that monkey
00:46:00.560
shit you know what i mean dude there's gotta be a way i saw that monkey i was like yo i wanna punch one of
00:46:05.760
them up dude there's gotta be a way i have to we have to get the uyghur muslims to see ben bankers videos
00:46:41.920
like the nikes i didn't wear asics it's pretty funny that people like sending me death threats
00:46:49.200
like it's like you should be dead for going like this hello my name are you like it's
00:46:56.800
pretty funny like there's nothing funnier than like if like if i was writing a movie
00:47:03.120
and i was a guy going the funniest possible thing is a guy going i'll kill you
00:47:07.360
yeah it's just it's it's comedy yeah kill you and this is what i do folks i'm a comedian
00:47:14.160
we're comedians it's you know okay we gotta go we have a show to get to
00:47:26.240
the last show at the royal the last show ever before a chinese man roundhouse kicks
00:47:30.640
pen bankers in the face how did pen bankers die jet lead in a flying air wing chun
00:47:40.080
jonathan choy or whatever that guy's name is oh no uh donnie yen donnie shuriken
00:47:49.360
next next episode we gotta read uh my school yearbook called the chinese name
00:47:53.120
do you still have that book on like how to speak chinese yeah i don't know where it is
00:48:01.760
we'll find it that would be the biggest you if you became fluent in cantonese i know i've been
00:48:06.000
thinking about really seriously really funny it'd be so funny i know i thought about making i thought
00:48:11.760
about memorizing like something in chinese and just and like making a video where i'm like
00:48:16.160
cheesy dozen two shirts and then people are just like oh my god he is chinese he eats so much orange
00:48:25.040
chicken and became chinese where'd you learn chinese roll sand what they say on the weekend
00:48:33.040
i'm gonna go roll saying i'll go in the back and get the roll over to roll over and what happy ending
00:48:39.120
turnover roll over be kind of cool if they gave happy endings at chinese restaurants
00:48:46.160
is getting jerked off with indigestion not so fast oh i don't know if i'm gonna come or fart
00:48:55.120
don't turn over don't turn over turn over turn over this way first
00:49:06.640
hot sauce they got at chinese restaurants i love it but if you have just the hot sauce it does taste like
00:49:10.800
taking a bad shit it tastes like my asshole feels it's hot and warm that was kind of a gay thing to
00:49:17.600
say he's like my asshole feels hot and warm and warm talking about mitchell's asshole we have a friend
00:49:30.240
and we saw his asshole with these i mean it was a photo you didn't just show it and pull it out like
00:49:35.760
like mitchell do that trick yeah she'll do that bit it's like when it kills every time
00:49:41.680
shoots a ping pong out of his ass this guy's been doing comedy 20 years this is his best bit just
00:49:56.640
pull up my dick damn it's fuck he's killing louie louie ck yeah so we're gonna be moving my weekly show
00:50:04.960
eventually uh the comedy club that it's at the royal comedy theater is closing down this is going
00:50:09.040
to be the last show there and then the next show is going to be at a different location it's going
00:50:14.640
to be in palestine yeah the gaza strip gaza city comedy we gotta go guys are gonna take a shower i
00:50:22.400
love you guys thank you for tuning in you want more podcasts go patreon patreon.com
00:50:28.320
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