Bankas Podcast - Dai Low ｜ The Bankas Show - #027

00:00:00.000 welcome to the bank is show everyone we have uh we've not done an episode in a couple days

00:00:06.480 um and we are here in the what do we call this the bat cave no the bank cave

00:00:14.640 eating bats cave the bankove i kind of like the back eating bats cave

00:00:23.920 one bat cave yeah that's the only shitty part about saying bat cave is that there's a whole 0.99

00:00:29.280 movie about that already this is ground zero yeah this is all racism this is ground zero like you

00:00:36.800 know when like a nuclear bomb drops and they show like the shock wave this is like right where it

00:00:40.880 hits since like the n-word was said here and the ripple oh yeah it's been um it's been a crazy week

00:00:52.800 welcome to all the new fans new listeners of the podcast first of all i want to say that i want to

00:00:57.280 be professional here and uh thank you for listening whether you're listening because you love me and

00:01:04.480 you want to see what i have to say or you're listening because sub-american tick tocker told

00:01:09.200 you to be mad and now you're here hello you you tell me what the reason is but you know why i'm here

00:01:20.000 i'm here i'm here because uh i'm gonna pay for

00:01:23.520 this guy knows what he's doing hey he's a professional hey look i got my new book here oh 0.99

00:01:35.360 shit oh that ruined your whole camera 0.96

00:01:37.760 i can't show you everything's held together can't show you that we have a book on improv that holds 0.99

00:01:49.360 the whole thing like the biggest problem with podcasting is just that it's so easy to knock stuff

00:01:54.320 over this looks great it looks good um tell the people what's what's been happening

00:02:07.680 your life is at risk because my life isn't at risk there's just a there's a bunch of

00:02:15.120 old tick-tockers because of who saw ben bank is doing olivia chow impersonation and were like

00:02:20.080 high blood pressure you can't do you can't do an asian accent when are you listening to this

00:02:32.080 boardman looks like a drone operator all right bomb him everything's fine yeah you look like you hate 1.00

00:02:38.560 palsy and i do the one guy who's worried about saying fucked up shit he's like i 1.00

00:02:48.400 fucking hate them literally you think you know what he was telling me it was not hate speech it was 0.99

00:02:53.760 comedy he looked at me and he was like do you think there's a way to make ai make cartoons like 0.99

00:02:57.760 this guy literally wants to do charlie hebdo again he wants to ask chad gpt to reverse charlie hebdo

00:03:03.520 drama g goes into a into a cartoonist's house um yeah charlie hebdo i remember watching charlie hebdo

00:03:18.160 on like nowadays woke people wouldn't know what to do like then people were like that's bad you

00:03:23.520 shouldn't kill guys for drawing things now they're like now they're like maybe you should

00:03:27.680 maybe you should kill yourself people like saying that kill yourself but that you know what's funny 0.78

00:03:36.320 is like when insecure people tell you to kill yourself and then you're like no you and they're 1.00

00:03:39.360 like oh you're like yeah because your life is bad so basically a bunch of uh gay chinese people are 1.00

00:03:48.880 mad at me on the internet some of them were gay whites gay people are the new ambassadors of of 0.99

00:03:56.560 of being offended they're the new people that go around going they have to be the new allies 0.98

00:04:01.520 because they're less on the chopping block like you know like they've they've had their time that

00:04:06.480 they're like they're like now white allies so they have to like now that they're descending right they

00:04:10.640 got it like it's a they're white already yeah exactly right so they got to like maintain the 0.94

00:04:15.920 thing so that's why they're being the most like ally-ish like being mad

00:04:20.560 you're scaring me

00:04:27.600 no gaze this is like when i when daniel took me to dinner with his parents and uh he had two dads

00:04:37.440 pretty much because his mother was interesting

00:04:39.120 yeah um no i liked your parents but we went to the keg which is very jewy of you because yeah 1.00

00:04:51.280 do you use a gift card that could also be used

00:04:53.280 do you want to uh come for my to my son we're using a gift card jewish

00:05:07.840 the half record don't get a full rack it's not

00:05:15.680 what are you crazy the whole meal his parents were just trying to figure out how we were getting a

00:05:20.880 discount that was you no because yeah that was you and you were you that was what you were doing 0.97

00:05:29.360 you were doing walking to the keg waiter comes he's like oh everyone's planning to kill me let's

00:05:33.520 uh get something free and oh yeah so what happened was the day we went for dinner with daniel's

00:05:38.640 parents is the day this all started this all started asian woman the korean let's be specific

00:05:44.320 because otherwise she'll go super saiyan that's like woke woke asians if you're like what are you

00:05:51.840 uh vietnamese they're like hey no i'm not um they turn into a honda civic 0.97

00:06:00.000 it's a big spirit bomber every chinese person's like we want to kill this jew 1.00

00:06:18.640 it's just a bunch of people who said death threats it's a massive death threat 0.99

00:06:27.200 rain down dude oh

00:06:29.120 i'm just not going to like this ballroom ultimate death threat

00:06:35.440 welcome to ultimate death threat

00:06:37.760 we're in choux from toronto

00:06:39.360 it's kind of funny that he won't stop doing it they should do fear factor now but it's just

00:06:47.920 people doing accents it's like oh no this runs chinese just extreme anger 0.99

00:06:58.560 fear factor who can't handle it anymore who can unlock their doors and jane and kill first

00:07:03.920 who can drive through a bad neighborhood in a nice car

00:07:11.600 modern fear factor can't get in the ferrari like

00:07:17.280 why did i leave the 401

00:07:20.640 but yeah so people are mad which is great this is this is everything we've wanted

00:07:28.720 it's everything i ever wanted and ever prayed for was for ben bangs to be the lightning rod of anger

00:07:34.880 of liberal anger yeah every liberal i want more liberals to know about me too uh i think that

00:07:40.640 i think we've been going at this wrong no we've been trying to entertain conservatives instead of

00:07:45.600 trying to piss off it's time to do blackface i think all my stuff pissed the people dude it's like 0.73

00:07:51.280 when uh when like a superhero looks at his costume after retiring but it's just you opening a closet and

00:07:56.160 it's blackface blackface paint you're like it's time to bust out the cave for you it's just like a 1.00

00:08:02.480 picture of a bunch of asian politicians remember you should have like a chinese shrine to all the 0.63

00:08:07.440 asian women you believe you know what's crazy though like i have nothing against obviously like i love 0.92

00:08:13.120 every um you know but uh

00:08:18.080 you just don't even more racist i love all that i love all these uh you know

00:08:22.080 i love every different type of white you know these people

00:08:26.080 like the portuguese i like the italians i like the

00:08:28.960 i like every european

00:08:32.160 no i love i i love chinese people i mean i don't know that many chinese people like on a personal

00:08:38.880 like i don't roll with a chinese dude so that is probably a problem

00:08:43.920 you need a short round

00:08:46.480 but i have chinese fans and they're awesome and my dad is you know we had chinese students growing up and 0.99

00:08:52.960 like i i i don't even give a fuck i shouldn't even have to fucking explain anything fuck you 0.99

00:08:58.400 if you think i'm racist suck a dick and you know well a lot of this is a lot of this is american 1.00

00:09:03.200 self-ignorance is like you're literally mocking every different politician you've done doug ford 1.00

00:09:07.120 justin trudeau i think americans just don't realize that like what would happen if the 0.99

00:09:11.280 fucking president it's not your fault a different yeah but it's like it's not your fault that a bunch 0.99

00:09:15.360 of crazy asian ladies are given like power in society they should just be lucky olivia chow 1.00

00:09:20.480 wasn't a black woman let's see what that content would have been hey yo man she i'm olivia chow man 0.99

00:09:30.800 you're coming everywhere you're like oh i can only make fun of the politicians why don't you make fun 0.99

00:09:34.640 of black people because none of them are politicians because barack yeah i know you would have been wild 0.99

00:09:40.880 if you were around you would have been great because you you would have been like the only american 0.96

00:09:44.160 one to like actually do barack obama but not in like a whatever way but like saying hilarious

00:09:48.400 we're saying hilarious but they kind of did that on key and peel too yeah but everybody did that

00:09:54.720 that's the point is that we all made fun of it remember that rap video where it was like the

00:09:59.280 walk of flock of video but it was like barack obama or whatever like part of the function of

00:10:03.760 comedy has like 10 million views it's are like more than that it's like it's it's a walk of flock of

00:10:09.600 song parody video and the guy it's like they found this actor who looks just like barack obama and he's

00:10:14.720 like in the hood like it's hilarious that's actually so funny it's funny it's not like well

00:10:21.040 why would you why would barack obama be in a hood neighborhood because it'd be funny if he was yeah 0.99

00:10:26.640 it's a joke you fucking retard it's okay we if i say retard we just bleep it yeah 1.00

00:10:35.680 okay who gives a shit demonetize me demonetize gay anyway we're gonna start posting this on twitter like 1.00

00:10:42.000 yeah we're posting it on x get subscribers on twitter it's not called twitter anymore it's 0.99

00:10:45.920 motherfucking x x gonna give it to you x.com you want to see ben bankus's podcast you go to x.com 0.99

00:10:52.560 where they don't give a if i say retard or faggot or cunt wait until they drop n 1.00

00:10:57.600 the new extension the new extension to x 1.00

00:11:01.520 follow me on n

00:11:03.920 it's one app you can write six letters max

00:11:06.320 the greatest most racist app known to man known to humanity triple n dot com

00:11:20.640 what does it stand for whatever you think it does national basketball association

00:11:34.880 elon musk just sent n welcome to the national

00:11:39.440 i'm ian hennemansing and i can technically say it

00:11:41.520 i have been allowed for any american listeners ian hennemansing is our like the mate he's like our

00:11:52.480 what's it like what's the white gay guy on cnn prime time on don lemon 0.53

00:11:57.040 he's like our don lemon he's like our john he's like sri lankan yeah he's like oh 0.85

00:12:01.440 but yeah oh good evening no no he's like i mean he looks like trudeau in blackface

00:12:09.440 it is no he talks like he talks like a old school news i've never seen trudeau and ian

00:12:13.040 hennemansing in the same place at once like superman and clark kent my name is justin

00:12:20.400 just justin sure running to a phone booth to dress up like ian to say the n-word 0.74

00:12:24.560 it's so funny just saying people are racist it's literally the funniest trudeau's like yeah so

00:12:34.720 you're saying that trudeau is like the he's like superman of racism yeah he's like like

00:12:40.000 in public he's like oh well we need to protect the gays and then he goes and he takes just he's

00:12:47.440 i bet there's so many conservatives that hate trudeau because the blackface thing came out and

00:12:53.280 they were gonna vote for sheer and then they saw that video and they were like yo this guy got my

00:12:57.200 vote and then he pulled that's my joke really is that what he said yeah oh that's a real joke that

00:13:03.280 i did but yeah it's true i did that joke four years ago but i did it a couple times at the x

00:13:13.200 but to continue is better than the way i did it

00:13:15.440 no i used to say that i would say when trudeau won the first time and i was like

00:13:21.760 all the conservatives were gonna vote for for sheer and then they saw he did blackface like well 0.98

00:13:27.040 maybe i might be voting liberal this time it's like it's true it's fucking um i actually don't think 0.98

00:13:33.520 that actually happened but it's a funny joke yeah but i think what actually happened is that um 0.77

00:13:40.400 they just the election is not necessarily fair bro more than fair but also like there's not a lot

00:13:47.600 of things that make people change like their political views on someone like trudeau right

00:13:52.400 like if you what's crazy though is you're bringing people from other countries where they don't

00:13:57.520 necessarily have democracy and then you're going oh once you get here by the way we have two parties

00:14:06.160 and the party that brought you here is this one and the party that wants you out is that yeah

00:14:10.080 exactly and how is that fair if you're just going like yeah it's like having too many players on the

00:14:16.480 field it's uh yeah it's like a penalty yeah hockey or whatever yeah and it's bad for it's bad for those

00:14:21.920 immigrants bad for society but like there's some political it's nonsense bad for society yeah 1.00

00:14:28.640 well it's bad for society to have too many people like the whole like no to have an immigration 1.00

00:14:32.080 system focused on sort of like political convenience and like because if you dump a bunch of people

00:14:36.960 from like all the same area in the same group humans are humans and they're gonna like they want to

00:14:40.560 talk and socialize so they're gonna like whatever language in it but if you if you inter disperse

00:14:45.120 people at a reasonable amount all over like we used to do then they forced to learn english and

00:14:49.440 they integrate jesus christ that's when we look at this guy we're like oh i thought that was racist holy 0.92

00:14:54.080 shit they're walking around going i'm here they don't know english right away what the 0.99

00:14:58.960 fuck you know what i'm saying if you dump 10 000 of them in the same place they're fine 1.00

00:15:04.480 dumped dumped yeah dumping stuff yeah backing up oh my god that's literally what we're doing we 1.00

00:15:11.600 literally come into this place and then we take them and we are we're literally doing that it's just 0.81

00:15:16.640 an air canada flight but like welcome to toronto get off and you'll leave here now you stinky 0.97

00:15:22.080 yeah get up immediately get in a taxi and take a white man home right at the airport 0.62

00:15:32.080 we used to have that bit where i was like all the uber eats guys look like they're so fresh off the

00:15:37.200 boat it's like trudeau met them at the airport instead of giving them a canada goose jacket he

00:15:41.440 was just like here's the 2017 toyota corolla get to work because there was like a point that was like

00:15:48.400 a joke from when trudeau was going around in ottawa the syrian refugees and he was meeting them at the

00:15:53.920 airport with canada goose jackets yeah and putting them in 800 what the did you get a north face from

00:16:02.160 winners from where where's that girl now i want to know now she's in a tent outside a passport 1.00

00:16:07.360 office or whatever i mean she's gonna be the minister of energy don't you dare don't you dare 1.00

00:16:15.040 as a woman tell me you're gonna be a politician let's just fuck it on 1.00

00:16:21.360 should we explain no it's too scary it's funny but it's patreon patreon patreon.com slash ben bankus 0.99

00:16:35.760 guys and also i i'm gonna do a quick ad this might get cut out because i don't think i didn't get the

00:16:43.600 contract there might have but if the contact comes through this appears uh whenever we will do an ad

00:16:49.600 soon we're not doing an ad yet i don't have the contract okay she said it might take she said it

00:16:54.400 could take up to a week to get it yeah best hold off then so but so i can't really talk about it but

00:17:00.560 we are looking at getting sponsored and that'll also piss off the same people that are already mad 0.63

00:17:08.640 already already sponsored by nambla

00:17:14.160 let's go

00:17:18.080 and the daily wire

00:17:28.560 no i think that um the people who are upset online are members of nambla some of them

00:17:35.920 and they're also not they're not funny

00:17:41.280 bro so young video is hilarious

00:17:45.120 they're unintentionally funny that's yeah

00:17:47.840 they don't realize they're but that's what that's the only way they can be funny

00:17:50.880 yeah it's like so you're so racist

00:17:53.360 so young or super rule 0.95

00:17:57.600 he's doing an asian accent mocking the mayor of toronto

00:18:04.640 i've been saying her name like alone when the house

00:18:07.280 she's like i'm just alone and i go

00:18:10.320 just as long sure you can because it's so funny it's like power up it's like

00:18:14.080 it's so perfect because it's like this guy claims he's a comedian and this is the mayor

00:18:20.800 and he's gonna make fun of her how horrible like stop doing comedy it's like so it's so brilliantly

00:18:27.600 like it's so amazing honestly i've actually had a great week guys because i haven't even had to

00:18:33.920 make content i just have a bunch of angry

00:18:39.200 the one guy he's angry and his like hair keeps moving yeah it's like it like he has the perfect asian hair so it's just like

00:18:49.280 my favorite is like

00:18:55.280 people are listening to this at work yeah

00:18:58.240 in their cars like they i'm turning it down when they get the stop signs

00:19:04.480 hello my name is uber eats and i'm stinky

00:19:08.560 imagine being in an uber being like uh can i get the ox

00:19:19.600 can i scare you for an uber driver and you're listening to the beggar show on body 0.70

00:19:24.640 thank you for your deserve it stinkify 0.77

00:19:29.920 i have nothing against uh

00:19:31.600 uh

00:19:33.200 well i actually the smell i mean

00:19:37.280 you get so close to being like

00:19:40.080 then you're like let me put my pants down

00:19:41.280 and think of 1.00

00:19:41.600 shit 1.00

00:19:43.920 yeah i had a relative uh today tell me to 0.99

00:19:47.120 move towards the middle

00:19:49.520 it's a little scary

00:19:51.040 his hair was going ping pong 1.00

00:19:52.160 but that's funny because it's stupid 1.00

00:19:56.880 it's a store 0.99

00:20:01.840 where'd you get this car sir

00:20:03.040 it's a store

00:20:04.720 oh yeah guys my dad took money from chinese people okay 1.00

00:20:17.280 we've been exploiting

00:20:18.160 these people for generations

00:20:21.280 you have to your dad was first chair of the vial of of toronto that's it that's an asian god

00:20:26.400 you can't say that

00:20:27.520 he lives exactly here and this is

00:20:31.760 jesus christ daniel

00:20:34.400 explain your dad's like famous to he's like a chinese god bro you're not taking a hit

00:20:39.200 he's gonna get canceled from his job

00:20:41.360 i don't really know his dad works at pure later

00:20:46.560 ben bankers his father works at ubs

00:20:52.000 that's why he's so funny

00:21:00.880 he's so mad at that

00:21:02.640 oh

00:21:17.200 your dad's forklift certified

00:21:22.880 dad's a union man

00:21:25.360 clock in the clock out that come home

00:21:26.640 maybe it is a smart move to just

00:21:28.880 dox everyone you know

00:21:29.920 dogs my family

00:21:32.240 this is the scene

00:21:32.880 this is where my mom lives at

00:21:35.840 yeah somebody somebody actually wrote to me they're like oh i'm gonna pay your mother a visit

00:21:40.080 i'm like good

00:21:45.840 who are you i'm a friend to your friend

00:21:50.960 that's nice

00:21:54.720 oh that's another 30 grand in my pocket

00:21:56.800 yeah guys this was all a uh

00:22:02.240 clever scheme 1.00

00:22:03.840 this is all a scheme to get the angry chinese gay man from america to murder my mother 1.00

00:22:08.560 maybe if i piss off the chinese enough 1.00

00:22:17.200 i won't have to pay for this anymore 0.99

00:22:20.240 the last time you pissed off the chinese the long-term care center has got crazy

00:22:24.400 try this again

00:22:26.560 she has bruises all over after the every teresa

00:22:28.880 i'm gonna give your mom a booster 1.00

00:22:33.040 we didn't get your consent this time

00:22:36.640 giving her boosters every day

00:22:39.600 um

00:22:41.760 chamelecon lady at the seniors home

00:22:44.480 watch i mean you know ben 0.99

00:22:46.720 me a son of a-ass 0.99

00:22:49.440 what is racism 0.98

00:22:50.480 i don't know they're treating it worse now they know who

00:22:55.440 it's just every day

00:22:56.320 me a child every day

00:22:57.520 i just see a new video

00:22:59.440 ben bank is

00:23:04.000 yeah i don't even understand um

00:23:06.880 the like people

00:23:10.640 being successful at comedy is

00:23:14.880 it's it's it's an anomaly

00:23:17.200 you can't just

00:23:26.640 you can't just not be you have to have weird like it's it's a weird 0.98

00:23:30.560 fucked up 0.74

00:23:31.840 road like even like what were you talking about that the other day where it's like 0.95

00:23:37.040 so

00:23:38.960 the rumor is on the street that armin is going to get signed to yuck yucks which in canada is

00:23:44.720 the it's like being put on the like doing all the improvs or or doing all the

00:23:55.120 yeah like the funny bones the zanies you now you you're in that 1.00

00:24:00.080 circuit and you're you're doing those gigs um you're not you know you're not

00:24:05.360 headlining them you're opening you're hosting you're working the door for non-canadians like 1.00

00:24:10.800 it's the only club that has cross-country reach like it's the only club that goes across canada

00:24:16.400 it's the only comedy it's the only one in canada that

00:24:20.080 you know that matters i'll be honest basically yeah it's the only one that matters and

00:24:24.640 anybody who says differently is uh 1.00

00:24:26.720 fucking idiot is wrong you don't like backroom comedy club 1.00

00:24:30.880 not good enough being in the basement of an idiot do you remember when we were so 1.00

00:24:35.840 comedy clubs are good in the alleyway behind yuck yucks oh the good old joronto but um because 1.00

00:24:44.000 somebody from the comedy club across the way which is called the corner one of the patrons

00:24:48.960 went randomly walked through the yuck yucks back door allegedly there's allegedly allegedly

00:24:53.920 allegedly allegedly that's what we heard this is hearsay we weren't there we were off on tour

00:25:00.400 somebody told us yeah we were gone and this is they told us something something happened and now

00:25:06.080 we can't go in the alleyway but we used to go in the alleyway and honestly the alleyway sucked 0.52

00:25:09.920 remember the one time that woman that woman like punched me in the face yeah you're showcasing for jfo 0.96

00:25:14.480 yeah and i hadn't gone on yet i know and we started talking to these like random women outside and then 0.98

00:25:19.920 i was like uh she's like showing everybody her ring i was like that looks pretty

00:25:25.200 fucking small or something or like wedding ring that looks small and she like punched me in the 1.00

00:25:31.280 face it was up right in front of my lawyer too um but yeah so then we went back in and i crushed it 0.99

00:25:38.480 but uh so it's kind of a good thing that they have the back alley closed but anyway we used to hang

00:25:42.480 out in the back alley what am i talking about something to do with getting signed i don't remember

00:25:48.000 yuck yucks fell down i think you got on a tangent and then then you got to talk about every crime

00:25:52.720 that ever happened yeah they incriminated everything he's gonna present

00:26:05.840 we'll find out that alleyway special that's where i got everybody to sign for me to run for mayor

00:26:11.200 yeah that's the thing i don't think you'll be mad i think you'll be like you'll be happy because 0.79

00:26:15.040 nothing happened everything's been figured out who gives a fuck they just close somebody 0.86

00:26:20.080 fell and now we can't go in the alley yeah i don't know why the i'm telling you this why am 0.96

00:26:25.200 i telling this there's a because yuck yucks is important and we're proud of our yuck yucks is

00:26:29.680 important because the alleyway something something mazel tov yes yeah yeah yeah but anyway the point was

00:26:38.640 that i was telling you uh it's a crazy road like maybe it was in the alleyway i don't remember but

00:26:45.920 it was like you were like i just want to get signed and it's like you can't you just the when you get

00:26:53.200 something like you you know like you just have to be get crazier like you hung out with me for a year

00:26:58.000 i know and we're just like oh that's nuts oh that's crazy and then it's like but it made you feel

00:27:03.920 comfortable to be yourself too around like breslin it's true it's like all these other guys are like

00:27:08.240 afraid to be themselves around mark or around whoever around anybody in the business around the 0.93

00:27:13.520 fucking jfl people because the the jfl people and the cbc people that's how they want you to act they 0.99

00:27:20.480 want you to act terrified of them and you know treat them like they're like so above you and you're 0.99

00:27:25.440 just this puny little comic and please get me five minute spot on the next crave special so i can 0.99

00:27:30.960 make fifteen hundred dollars once and never again like it's pathetic these people are losers so 0.91

00:27:37.440 you're on the right road you're killing it and you know i'm proud of you i'm proud of you that you 1.00

00:27:45.680 fucking it's it's a crazy fucking thing to to want to do stand up and each level that you get go up 0.99

00:27:54.480 is worth celebrating and we almost can't believe because you because he was like september october i'm 0.99

00:27:59.920 almost like there's still that comic part of my brain that's like that's not going to happen

00:28:05.200 just can't accept like yeah it's happening it's over i don't have to be an open mic or no more

00:28:09.920 it's kind of gave you but i'm sorry i'm 24. it's called imposter syndrome i don't know who's calling me

00:28:16.960 it's mark he's like you talked about me i'm never signing on it i've hacked been big kisses no

00:28:21.920 no cut this part out somebody bought a ticket that's good he called me from edmonton

00:28:30.720 scared to answer it they burnt down the century casino probably the people who

00:28:36.160 i had a second special filmed that i probably never paid those people

00:28:40.240 most expensive uber drive i've ever had oh my god that was a nightmare yeah we like hired this

00:28:48.400 company to film us to drive us in edmonton at a like an empty abandoned casino the longer it is

00:28:55.280 away from that happening though the cooler that special becomes i feel like and i am going to

00:29:00.400 release it at some point in some form and um but we have also filmed a second special right now i have

00:29:05.280 two specials ready to be given out um ready to one of them's edited and ready to post

00:29:13.360 and i don't know if i like it yet maybe i'll never like it maybe you guys will love it which one is it

00:29:18.000 is um it was going to be called nightmare in edmonton okay the nightmare before red deer the second one

00:29:24.240 at the royal i don't know what to call i was going to call it like royal flush or royally

00:29:35.280 you know when people say that royally yeah or uh no refunds

00:29:41.120 i feel like that's been done royally no because that implies that you might like bond yeah i know

00:29:46.640 that's what i thought when i thought of no refunds yeah no retards like yeah i don't care if you don't 0.98

00:29:51.840 like it all right then there's goes double or nothing yeah put it all on one video

00:29:58.800 call it dialo or nothing call it you know live free or call it tam tam chow hour the last chinese

00:30:08.320 man instead of die hard it's dialo hard once you dress up like bruce willis in an air vent you can't

00:30:14.320 fit in dialo crushing tiger hidden bankus what does dialo mean in chinese i don't know it means

00:30:20.640 something because i keep hearing it in sleeping dogs i think it might need it might mean like buck or

00:30:24.880 something oh my god okay ready yeah yeah what does it mean

00:30:41.920 oh no my whole computer is in chinese now holy it means elder brother big brother

00:30:49.520 do you remember uh remember that movie brother bear

00:31:20.080 no it's like a disney film where like this uh it was like animated and it was like this native kid

00:31:24.800 that becomes a bear right but it's like you and you just you become a chinese man 0.84

00:31:31.760 become a gay bear 0.99

00:31:32.640 they should make a movie called uh sending them all black poor daniel he's on hinge and 0.98

00:31:49.040 putting out podcasts like this this has 90 000 views it's him being like they go in the input they're like

00:32:01.600 should i talk about who you went on a date with is that crazy

00:32:03.840 probably not

00:32:08.880 do it you went on a date with a minority yeah

00:32:16.880 yeah i checked the papers he is a minority

00:32:20.160 well yeah

00:32:20.560 technically i love how people say that about jews and it's like people wonder how the holocaust happened

00:32:27.600 i'm also one of them

00:32:28.800 technically you're a human being

00:32:31.280 i didn't say that no i know but that's 0.97

00:32:32.880 yeah they used to say that shit did they really i'll bring that back 0.98

00:32:39.120 this whole podcast is about we have to end anti-semitism 0.99

00:32:44.000 there is a lot of anti-semitism though in like not wanting jews to be funny i think be in the hood

00:32:51.360 because as it like jews invented the idea of kind of like stand-up comedy being this funny 0.90

00:32:57.680 like you know like jesus maybe not i mean black people are always funny and stuff but

00:33:05.840 jesus was definitely funny these cracks that the chapelle thing's a little crooked

00:33:11.520 they're gonna think we're racist that's not oh you can't

00:33:16.720 whatever it just breaks it he's saying um the jute like lenny bruce is the first like first of

00:33:25.280 who is before lenny bruce people go oh there were comedy before lenny bruce who

00:33:30.240 mort saul it's like almost it's like the primordial soup of judaism it just gets more and more 0.97

00:33:36.160 jewy as you find out who was before who was before mort saul yeah 0.62

00:33:41.600 moses pretty much moses he split the room

00:33:45.040 that was comedy like before comedy was just like people somebody must have said that like in some

00:33:57.200 other language if you said a joke and it split the room like like not like i mean they had comedy so i

00:34:03.440 actually took a course in university called the history of humor and uh it's like the greek

00:34:10.000 philosophers they did chinese accent aristotle was going ching chang bing bang

00:34:18.000 they had his scribes write it down hours he would just sit there and go tylo

00:34:22.240 sorry they just came with some boats and rice and they were like

00:34:31.600 aristotle was a jew

00:34:32.640 they invented noodles the guys that go don't lie don't lie don't lie to me don't lie hey i don't

00:34:39.360 lie you don't lie you don't lie i know if you lie to me you die low

00:34:48.800 you know julius caesar used to put the chinese people

00:34:52.880 you know he used to put chinese people in the coliseum and he would just do some jokes

00:34:55.600 you don't know anything about julius caesar

00:35:11.840 but they all were like i mean

00:35:16.800 every single historical figure was a stand-up comedy

00:35:19.120 or had to do some form of it like every great leader had to go in front of a crowd and like

00:35:29.440 do a bit do a bit yeah make them laugh a little bit not you don't think leaders in

00:35:34.880 those times when the huns and were coming or whoever the they were fighting they 0.99

00:35:39.280 didn't do a little die low right are the jamaic people like they like he'd be up there 0.99

00:35:45.360 speaking latin and then he'd probably do a little impersonation for a second and maybe

00:35:50.240 yeah people like haha yes killed him so maybe that is why people that's but that that is part of

00:35:55.760 like humors can be used for those reasons but the history of humor cores was

00:36:05.200 over the textbook i remember an ancient greek joke man doing black face on a wall

00:36:09.440 it's just racist cave paintings for centuries these people have been being racist in caves

00:36:17.920 well yeah nomadic tribes of humans went to different places to learn new accents to make fun

00:36:25.680 well think about how we uh like people were moving around the world as different like before like

00:36:33.680 we're a hybrid technically of like neanderthals and homo sapiens even though it's like a small percentage

00:36:38.400 yeah it's some people have more like byron murtrom or neanderthals some people more goblown like

00:36:44.480 daniel bordeaux

00:36:47.120 this guy was in harry potter one

00:36:53.040 daniel gringott

00:36:57.520 the philosopher's stone but it's just jordan peterson's book

00:37:02.160 harry here this is yours here's 12 rules for hogwarts 12 rules to be transphobic

00:37:07.840 pictures of michaela

00:37:12.240 i remember

00:37:16.240 you don't think people around the rosetta stone are making some jokes

00:37:20.560 they first translated languages they were like they i remember taking a classic course people like

00:37:26.000 societies can't function like most of the societies like like in in rome and like the biggest best

00:37:33.920 societies didn't have like necessary like censorship was there let me look i i remember taking classes

00:37:41.760 course of queens too and i remember like the first joke that they had recorded like was some sumerian

00:37:46.000 tablet which is something like if a young girl like you know when a young girl sits on your lap and

00:37:51.200 farts and like that was a hilarious sumerian joke in some way no you know what it's like when you're

00:37:56.800 like but i remember the turning 18 oh listen i'm the great thing too so this did happen during not

00:38:02.640 but okay so it didn't happen until basically like the end of the empire okay censorship 443 bc

00:38:10.960 until 22 bc roman officials censored political pamphlets religious texts histories anything related to

00:38:17.600 those who suffered damnatio memori and literary works olivia kiss chowakus

00:38:25.200 indicted interesting they elected a chinese man there was a guy going around but i remember there's

00:38:35.520 like people in ancient greece who were legitimately funny like they did plays and stuff um legitimately

00:38:41.120 funny you should have seen this guy crush no there's there's one joke i remember here we go okay

00:38:45.280 sorry you go for what was roman comedy like this form was similar to the greek improvised farces or

00:38:51.280 comos oh no it was improv and made use of the second city yeah made use of stock masks characters

00:38:58.960 slapstick gags and plots which focused on domestic issues usually involving boy meets girl parents

00:39:05.840 forbid marriage and intervention of a clever slave they had to meet the intervention of a clever slave

00:39:12.080 to save the day yeah it's wild dude that's crazy i remember there's an there's a greek play that

00:39:20.320 opens with like someone talking about like uh how they're going to build this amazing society and

00:39:26.080 like utopia for everyone and it's going to be great and then so they turn one to the other and

00:39:30.320 says who's going to build this they say oh the slaves um greek joke invention of racism in classical

00:39:40.160 antiquity the invention of racism i wonder who that guy was he invented it what's barbar there was racism

00:39:46.480 in the ancient world after all this groundbreaking book refutes the common belief that ancient

00:39:50.160 greeks and romans harbored ethnic and cultural but not racial prejudices blah blah blah

00:39:56.880 yo no yeah yo you seen that roman guy but our version of but part of the reason they weren't

00:40:02.560 like super racist because they don't they didn't have other races around well you know like the

00:40:07.920 barbarian term you know where that comes from right that logic is like so scary not even like they 1.00

00:40:12.800 didn't even know of them really the scariest logic you don't want to say they didn't know asian people 1.00

00:40:17.520 existed maybe not everyone but they know outside some of them like the high elites may

00:40:21.920 have i've seen in that oriental type but do you know like do you know the the etymology of the

00:40:26.320 word barbarian probably weren't racist because when they met somebody who looked so different it 0.81

00:40:29.600 was almost like oh my god you think that was entertainment back then well everyone i got a chinese 0.99

00:40:34.800 guy just like look at that but that's always been entertainment throughout that's how westerners

00:40:42.240 discovered the rest of the world is because like when we when vasco de gamel was looking for india

00:40:47.760 he was going in along this uh western coast of africa and he was stopping in these places and like

00:40:54.880 he'd see lights and he'd stop there and they did all they were african obviously but they didn't 0.96

00:41:00.160 weren't like a white man kill him they were like wow crazy and they would and he'd be like how did

00:41:04.720 i get here and they like they were playing the idea that other like people that the original

00:41:10.320 explorers were quote unquote racist they weren't so racist that they they showed up and asked for

00:41:15.680 help and traded but yeah they took advantage because it's it's like a business expanding your

00:41:20.400 empire is a business you don't think walmart what people mad that explorers in the 1500s and 1400s

00:41:27.440 took advantage of natives but you're not mad that walmart and and all these companies are taking

00:41:32.960 advantage of three lancans and yeah at every moment off i like how it's like white people 0.59

00:41:40.960 were explorers and they tried to find india now indian people come here and they drive ford explorers 1.00

00:41:47.920 the circle of life canada is a special place america is a special place the west is special

00:41:53.120 um in the sense that it's the only place people really want to move to people aren't moving in

00:42:00.480 droves to brazil or fucking somalia or any african country or china china won't let them in first of 0.99

00:42:10.640 all they're not moving to russia they're not moving to japan they won't let them in we're the only 0.98

00:42:15.920 countries letting people in who and treating them with any dignity and then people go but it's white 0.96

00:42:22.160 people's fault it's white people well what if we just said no then what if white countries go no 0.98

00:42:28.560 cut it up and then oh they are racist it's like so we're racist if we we're damned if we do damned if 0.99

00:42:34.000 we don't if you stop the flow of immigration you're racist and if you keep bringing the immigrants here 0.99

00:42:38.880 you're racist because you're still a white supremacist what do you mean white supremacist what if white 0.98

00:42:44.640 people start moving to africa and then we go it's a black supremacist country i mean what the 0.99

00:42:49.120 are you talking about this is where the people live let's move to africa i know let's go to

00:42:54.720 ghana better life oh i live in africa you know i made eight dollars today i can pay for three years

00:43:00.480 worth i just got signed to joseph corny cone cone cone oh you are very funny at corny last night

00:43:12.160 kill your parents you want to join the roster i want to mine diamonds for the rest of my life 0.94

00:43:19.760 to shovel sand like francis and ganu 1.00

00:43:21.920 how would you become ufc champion making money entertaining the diamond work miners 1.00

00:43:31.840 yeah it's like you sold out every night show for us marines but you're doing a show for diamond

00:43:36.320 yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah welcome to south africa hello welcome mr bankers mr bankers you're

00:43:52.000 very funny i want to see a video of you making fun of our man his name is his name is um that was

00:44:00.800 like one of the first russell peters jokes that i saw was him doing like that like when he goes to

00:44:05.520 south africa and they're like i went to south africa and they were like hello this is my friend i know

00:44:11.040 i remember that joke i was like and it was like killer i remember my mom showed white people like that 0.80

00:44:16.480 joke and what's interesting is i think eventually i'm going to be more famous with non-white people

00:44:20.800 and white people will just hate me hopefully and it'll prove to the world that everyone's racist 0.91

00:44:26.080 that white people are the most racist in in the like the people the white people who are saying 0.99

00:44:30.880 they're not racist are the most racist yeah because they're like these people are systematically 0.99

00:44:36.240 obsessed with race so they act out in real life whereas everybody else like indian people chinese 1.00

00:44:40.800 people could see my comedy and be like he's being funny he's raising some points that are factual it's

00:44:45.200 not necessarily like or or or they've faced real discrimination and they're like this isn't it like

00:44:50.560 i don't care about this i think it's time like a monkey face is not real yeah like ben bankers says

00:44:56.560 monkey face in nepal 0.95

00:45:06.560 ben bankers checks his messages listen i'm chinese i have the balls to say ben bankers is racist but not 0.98

00:45:11.840 the balls to say taiwan is a country 0.99

00:45:20.560 because i know the chinese are literally uh mass killing muslims and making them make nikes but uh 1.00

00:45:25.520 don't do the dialogue yeah i know there's actual genocide happening in china there's literally 0.97

00:45:31.120 do a chinese man's accent that could that could inflame that'll make one black guy press the 0.99

00:45:36.560 fucking circle button 0.99

00:45:43.360 this guy get squared ben bankers is single-handedly responsible for the uptick in black guys randomly 1.00

00:45:50.240 punching old chinese women some black guy punches like a 95 year old chinese shopping cart they're like 1.00

00:45:57.200 why'd you do it he's like my phone ben bankers man i saw that monkey 1.00

00:46:00.560 shit you know what i mean dude there's gotta be a way i saw that monkey i was like yo i wanna punch one of 0.99

00:46:05.760 them up dude there's gotta be a way i have to we have to get the uyghur muslims to see ben bankers videos 1.00

00:46:13.040 just in the cages making

00:46:20.080 you had to free the uyghur muslims 1.00

00:46:21.840 wait where'd you get those shoes 0.95

00:46:41.920 like the nikes i didn't wear asics it's pretty funny that people like sending me death threats 0.77

00:46:49.200 like it's like you should be dead for going like this hello my name are you like it's

00:46:56.800 pretty funny like there's nothing funnier than like if like if i was writing a movie 1.00

00:47:03.120 and i was a guy going the funniest possible thing is a guy going i'll kill you 0.94

00:47:07.360 yeah it's just it's it's comedy yeah kill you and this is what i do folks i'm a comedian 0.99

00:47:14.160 we're comedians it's you know okay we gotta go we have a show to get to 0.77

00:47:26.240 the last show at the royal the last show ever before a chinese man roundhouse kicks 1.00

00:47:30.640 pen bankers in the face how did pen bankers die jet lead in a flying air wing chun 0.85

00:47:40.080 jonathan choy or whatever that guy's name is oh no uh donnie yen donnie shuriken

00:47:49.360 next next episode we gotta read uh my school yearbook called the chinese name

00:47:53.120 do you still have that book on like how to speak chinese yeah i don't know where it is

00:48:01.760 we'll find it that would be the biggest you if you became fluent in cantonese i know i've been

00:48:06.000 thinking about really seriously really funny it'd be so funny i know i thought about making i thought

00:48:11.760 about memorizing like something in chinese and just and like making a video where i'm like

00:48:16.160 cheesy dozen two shirts and then people are just like oh my god he is chinese he eats so much orange 1.00

00:48:25.040 chicken and became chinese where'd you learn chinese roll sand what they say on the weekend 0.96

00:48:33.040 i'm gonna go roll saying i'll go in the back and get the roll over to roll over and what happy ending

00:48:39.120 turnover roll over be kind of cool if they gave happy endings at chinese restaurants

00:48:46.160 is getting jerked off with indigestion not so fast oh i don't know if i'm gonna come or fart 0.86

00:48:55.120 don't turn over don't turn over turn over turn over this way first 0.97

00:49:00.480 i don't want to see your ace

00:49:06.640 hot sauce they got at chinese restaurants i love it but if you have just the hot sauce it does taste like 0.99

00:49:10.800 taking a bad shit it tastes like my asshole feels it's hot and warm that was kind of a gay thing to 1.00

00:49:17.600 say he's like my asshole feels hot and warm and warm talking about mitchell's asshole we have a friend 1.00

00:49:30.240 and we saw his asshole with these i mean it was a photo you didn't just show it and pull it out like 1.00

00:49:35.760 like mitchell do that trick yeah she'll do that bit it's like when it kills every time 1.00

00:49:41.680 shoots a ping pong out of his ass this guy's been doing comedy 20 years this is his best bit just 1.00

00:49:46.160 bleeds over and spreads this ass 1.00

00:49:47.680 how do i follow that 1.00

00:49:56.640 pull up my dick damn it's fuck he's killing louie louie ck yeah so we're gonna be moving my weekly show 1.00

00:50:04.960 eventually uh the comedy club that it's at the royal comedy theater is closing down this is going 1.00

00:50:09.040 to be the last show there and then the next show is going to be at a different location it's going

00:50:14.640 to be in palestine yeah the gaza strip gaza city comedy we gotta go guys are gonna take a shower i

00:50:22.400 love you guys thank you for tuning in you want more podcasts go patreon patreon.com

00:50:28.320 watch an older episode share with your friends it's a podcast we talk we're ourselves and that's

00:50:34.640 that's fucking hard to do so good night 0.92

Bankas Podcast - August 03, 2023

Dai Low ｜ The Bankas Show - #027

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