Baroon at Rura Rounge ｜ The Bankas Show - #015
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
200.1023
Hate Speech Sentences
134
Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the and are joined by special guest Ben Bankus ( ) to discuss a variety of topics. We discuss Ben's stand-up set at the Toronto Star in Toronto, his new book, and much more!
Transcript
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a little chinese spy balloon that's made in america just like a chinese kid making the
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balloon that's causing the war he's gonna have to fight it yeah that was a big balloon how many
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fucking how many muslims did that how many jing jang they made it in jing jang i'm pretty sure
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that's where they that's where their nasa is it's next to the death camp space nasa
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welcome to the show everybody um we are here in a beautiful place that um we didn't do a show last
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week because i was getting the bag securing the bag is that what you said yeah secured the bag
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we had a great show last night how was the show tell tell the tell the fans who weren't at the
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show how the show was it was a fucking great show it was packed arm and bombed thanks he uh yeah he
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panicked no you had a good set everybody liked you you know and then i came on and then they're
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like who are you and then no it was uh it was a good show people came out we're gonna do another
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one in june or july i have to get all new material yeah the venue's like you can do it next month
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right i'm like no that's like a once a year type yeah in the city at least that's probably the best
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they've had in like years yeah thank you so much for coming this is so much better than drag brunch
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i know i looked at one of the guys ipads and it was like john cena with the chairman mouthface and
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i'm like yeah these people fucking hate drag brunch who the people who work there yeah like the ipad
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literally had like a chinese guy's face well yeah i don't know like i think a venue should just allow
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all events and not discriminate like the reason that you're doing it or what it's like i can put people
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in seats i know as long as it's not a fucking hitler it was funny that like they had a inclusivity
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sign in the front where it was like we respect people of all genders and races and then you're
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just on stage like fucking trans people yeah that's my act thank you for summarizing it for
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everybody who hasn't had the pleasure of seeing it that should be in the toronto star article they're
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just like ben bankus ching ching bing bing question just your face ching ching bing bing
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essentially he spoke about trans ideologies talked about trans if you think about it my act actually
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woke because like it's like if a woke person was able to sit through it they would they should laugh
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really at some point i guess they'd get mad if they were super woke but if they were just like
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woke regular woke where they actually weren't and then they go laugh work woke yeah work woke
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i have a lot of work woke people yeah you tried to make that joke you're like should i do this joke
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i was like no and then you did it and bumped thanks but you're like no because but you're
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it's because you didn't they didn't hear what you said because you're like you guys look like you all
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are afraid to tell but you didn't figure out what you're trying to say was you guys look like you're
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afraid to tell your bosses that you fall up at then you said it the second time and everybody's like
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yeah not really my boss is a white supremacist we actually had a uh sensitivity training course
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at our office because our boss finger banged an intern that's that's that's what happens when i
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worked in an office we had to do sensitivity training because one of the um partners in like
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vancouver took some intern like on a motorcycle ride and then he was like we should skinny dip in
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this pond and she was like oh my god that was the moment i realized that he didn't think i was that
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smart and just wanted to have sex with me yeah not when he was like riding my motorcycle yeah so they
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always do those sensitivity training courses where they come in and they tell all the men to like
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respect women but they never tell the women to like stop doing blow after work with the dudes
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and like deep throating their boss who's married they're not like ladies can you stop slutting
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it up by the way like i get it that you know the guys are going to try to fuck you at the work party
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but you don't need to blow anyway women women know once they're in a company who to blow they blow
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right to the the ones that don't blow the right guys end up like quitting they're usually secretaries
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yeah they're just like i blew a guy who just started here i blew the male guy
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yeah they like they want to blow up they blow like the blow-up dolls they blow up they don't blow down
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which is why you know it's not even it's not fun to work in an office unless you're 45 and you've
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been working there for 25 years no it is it is fun oh it's so funny like the best job you can get
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like that like if you're a parent you want your kid i want them to get a good job and work in an
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office and wear a suit and it's like all your kid does is blow yeah i know yeah you're just dumb broads
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and biggest degenerates in the city the city sucks though for like getting food now like i wanted to
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go get food after go to roll sand but roll sand sucks roll sand sucks it does suck i felt like
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shit today i didn't feel as bad because i'm thinner like the fatter you are the worse you feel after
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yeah we didn't eat as much as usual no we didn't but roll sand sucks everything sucks i feel like all
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the good foods like out where where are we we can't really say but we're in like uh the east end
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yeah but i feel like there's more food in the east right what do you eat eats at home
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i did that for a month one month i like eating at home but i don't have i mean yeah it's anyway
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there's no good food late after a comedy show and there's no cool vibe of like comedians getting
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food after shows and hanging out like i'm the only guy who's like let's go get food and then people
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you have mike card is coming and ruining everything we know a guy named mike card is who's a he's a
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he's like a short jewish guy with a ponytail and he does jujitsu yeah and he's apparently yeah i don't
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know we can't say we can't say but he's basically thinks that he just got a ticket to running canadian
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comedy because he made a video of mark breslin going to israel 10 years ago where he looked like
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shit in the whole video and he's bombed every comedy show in the fucking documentary and now
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he's just like well he shows up to my show i don't know i don't know if i want to show up like five
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minutes before you got off stage and then he just started trying to fuck all your fans i know he's
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such a degenerate fucking loser god we we love him but but he's not gonna hear this no and if he did
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he would be like what'd you do that for i'd be like because he'd be like what come on
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he's like imagine a jewish guy that like a jewish jujitsu trainer like he's got like the side shaved
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of his head but he's got the ponytail on top the receding hairline yeah his hair is thinning but he
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just like fucking pulls it back like he's the other night i was like the younger you try and look the
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older you actually look yeah i know he's he's yeah but comedy the comedy is uh much better when
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you start like renting venues and like actually oh like having a fan base obviously it's pretty
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important but you know most comics don't have that because they're not very funny so they just
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you know they're just like oh well back to back to sudbury and the bar at sudbury
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yeah i remember my first road gig with yuck yucks was um in sudbury actually sudbury and turkey
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point i think it was i forget which one was first that was mine well technically mine was
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pembroke without i didn't get paid for that right penny and then but yeah so my first one was at
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turkey uh sudbury we stayed at a motel eight and i was just so excited because i was like this is my
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first yuck yucks road gig i'm with two real professional comedians dylan gott and nick beaton
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like they're real professional and i remember yeah it was
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really anyway but yeah i remember being there i had a good set i wore like a dress shirt oh no
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yeah i i wasn't it wasn't great i didn't wear this fucking bow tie yeah i wore a dress shirt
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but i had a yeah no it wasn't it was like untucked it was just kind of like i was trying to be like oh
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you know i'm yucks now yeah and i also when i got signed i was wearing like a full-on dress shirt
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tucked in with a tie and i was like i can't do this in sudbury i'm gonna get eaten alive
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but um yeah it was super fun but it's it is that you do the show after you smoke weed drink you
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fucking those guys got like obliterated i had like three drinks they were like fucking they woke up
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the next day like oh i'm so hungover i'm like you're 40 what are you doing we just did a shitty
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gig for 200 bucks like what the fuck yeah and then we drove like six hours to turkey point oh yeah and
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then we just got there and they're like all right dinner's on the counter oh god it was just slop
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so yeah i know the food that we got there was so bad like well you don't like that well we're the
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only restaurant for 80 kilometers in every direction yeah but i love that i love that's the best part
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about comedy is doing shitty gigs and then they slowly get better you can't just start with good
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gigs that would that wouldn't be fun yeah nobody wants that you got to start with turkey point
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sudbury by the way we're going back to sudbury very soon oh yeah march 9th yeah armin's getting
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another like under the table yuck spot i know we're not i'm not signed but though armin every single
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like every single open mic comedian in toronto hates armin our bobby just fucking hates him they're
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just watching this podcast right now going look at him he sucks he fucking just sits there he's fucking
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sucks right and he's getting all these opportunities and it's like well no i get yeah he sucks but you
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guys suck more so that's why you got he's sucks the least that's that's the point that's all comedy
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is you got to suck the least it's not about being the best it's not being funny at all it's not about
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being funny it's just about sucking the least but eventually you become funny because you just start
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sucking less yeah but the people who are mad that you get the opportunity last night we put robert
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kakamon be mad at him too he had he has a great rub and tug bit and then he does one more bit and
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then it bombs yeah he does like a bit where he's like it's like so hardcore then right after it's
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like the tamest thing and he's like whoa there's no clothes yeah there's a lot of that but that's a
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learning process a lot of comics you know i think don't understand that you kind of have to be teaching
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too like you can't just be funny and then expect everybody to be on that level like immediately and
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just and like create something like that's rare that's great if that happens but it's fucking rare
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yeah you know you have to like the guys who are doing that are like the rogans and like with
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shane gillis and all those guys but then they have people under them work like i still need you guys
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to just carry shit they don't have shane gillis isn't carrying shit for rogan you know what i mean
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like it's a different it's a little bit of a different ballpark but yeah every time he does his
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podcast rogan just makes him set it up bring the t-shirts up set up the t-shirt just at the vulcan
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but that's what it's about you gotta get bitched around i wish i had gotten bitched around i did
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a few yuck yucks um like guest spots for people like matt o'brien who at the time was like had his
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own comedy now special which was like pretty much the best thing you could do canadian comedy like it
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was on ctv or channel 44 and he brought us which at the time i was just like this is so cool
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took me to like yuck yucks at the time ajax which isn't even a thing anymore and i had a i killed it
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and like the guy who worked that like was the manager of the club was like people are like the
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next i went back there or something he's like people have been calling me about your set like
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they want to know who you were i was like oh my god so then those comics were obviously just like
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fuck him yeah and they just stopped helping me as soon as they saw that i did well with their
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opportunity wow that's so good and that's just how it was right it's like so then i had to do it
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it took so long for breslin to even know who i was because basically shout out to ronan for
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you know introducing me basically because he he rented out yuck yucks and did this show called kosher
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kush right and brought me to do a spot and i'm annihilated like just a million times harder than
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anybody else and then um not a million but you know yeah 20 20 million 20 times harder than jake
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jacob bullshit um but so breslin was like yeah like you're great you want to work for yucks i'm
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like yes and then he's like you can showcase and then i did that but you know that was how i got in
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front of him you know it's not just why was i talking about that what was i just saying all these
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open micers are jealous of me oh yeah but they all suck so it doesn't matter
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yeah and there's not enough open micers starting their own shows like there's a little bit of that
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i guess oh yeah we saw that yesterday right beside lula lounge yeah george yeah there's a there's a lot
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of that i just i don't what's his last name reward yeah no there's a lot of comics like starting
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shit that's good but they don't promote it they don't put any money into it they're just like it's
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a mic no no there's four people there's like a there's a few comics i know that are actually yeah
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producing good shit yeah i wish i want to do spots for sean arura i want to be able to do like three
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spots a night like to work on my sets and it's like bullshit that you can't it's just there's
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monday night's poor poor house with run by a psycho run by the his his words not mine muslim gay
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immigrant whatever that means uh he who said that i can't do the show and then i go but i'm a
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my dad's a jewish immigrant and he goes yeah we've had a lot of people come here and pull the jew card
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and uh then go on stage and say some really horrendous things and i was like so basically
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you just don't allow jews on the show yeah what you're saying but that's fine so i can't do that
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that mic on a monday then there's that other mic that i tried to do which is matt duffy's room at
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camera oh yeah camera nose yeah and i then i showed up and i made fun of some woman and then
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she ended up being a open mic or i made fun of her she was like i don't have a gender how dare you
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refer to me as a woman and i was just like well you look like a cunt and then she like was like
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ben vegas made fun of me at the open mic so i can't do that show and then tuesday amateur night
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yuck yucks i mean you can't do that show they don't want they don't want me there every week
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it's a struggle to get out we're squeezing you on again i know just lighting me get off get off he's
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killing too hard jesus christ it's actually fucked up i know why why can't i do spots and then they
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come to and then you know oh you're sure i couldn't make it to see it because i didn't want to see it
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i want to blindfold myself i know this isn't happening oh my god it was supposed to be me
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oh how could it happen through theresa tam videos i don't know
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like when i went during lockdown at one point i was confronted by like a woke comedian yeah he was
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um he was delivering an uber eats to the building next to me as i was going outside high as fucks
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yeah going to get darts or something and we started talking and i was like yeah like he's like you're
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taking jobs away from asian comedians because you're doing the chinese accent that the chinese
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comedians could be i'm like how does that make i'm like when's the last time a chinese comedian did
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one he's like exactly well then maybe they don't feel comfortable now because you're going
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ching chong bang bang right that's what started it was they saw the theresa tam video they're like i
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don't rank my voice no more i think i hate myself it's also like how is that true when shane gillis
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got fired and then they hired that chinese guy and nobody knows who the fuck that chinese guy is
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sucks yeah and fucking everyone talks about and shane gillis is a fucking superstar i saw his like
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fucking uh story last night he's literally on stage yeah like two massive just a massive screen
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stadiums to stadiums it's like people are like yeah well it's hateful material like winston chew
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on if you're a comedian and you don't like jokes that go against some sort of ideology you're not
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a good fucking like i'll laugh at jokes that i don't necessarily like like if when liberals make
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fun of fucking oh i right wing stuff and it's funny and i don't give a fuck i'm not sitting there
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being like well you know i actually don't agree even if i'm like yeah i don't agree but it's funny
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and i know why people laugh i'm not yeah and if you can't do that then you're dumb and you suck
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because it's like comedy is about what's true so sometimes it's like yeah i relate to that it's
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true it's funny it's not like i get offended and i get mad at the person for being funny
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that's what these people do because i think they see us being funny in a way that they can't do
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because it takes skill but and i don't want people to be like why are you talking about this
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you're above this you don't shouldn't care about this i'm not i'm i'm it bothers me that i can't
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as a professional comic in my own city of toronto just like that the amateur comics aren't being
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like yo come do my thing yeah like i have people hitting me up from outside of toronto being like
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some guy yesterday was like i'm starting a comedy you've seen here in nigro and i want you to come
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out and do a it's like and but here it's like i don't want his type of audience what do you mean
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people come to lulu if people were at lulu lounge last night they would have saw that i had 75
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year olds 25 year olds we had every fucking race of people there there was fucking i mean except
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blacks but no i'm joking no but that we had every race literally there and uh like rich people like
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with money like sitting like getting big amounts of booze and food and having good times people have
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no fucking clue i open for you all the time i have what jokes are about like being muslim or brown or
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whatever black muslims and then they laugh because it's like they're not racist they're not like
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they're just normal people that aren't part of the whole like uh you know some of them are extreme
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versions of that like the people who are like i don't like those jokes about your youth nation
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some of them but that's like a rare that's like one in every 20 more so when i go out of town and i
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do the like you know do an abortion joke or something and yeah people are just like well i don't agree
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don't have to agree fucking idiot it's just funny like last night i forget what i said
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and i was like this is the one side clap for one thing and then the other side clap yeah i'm like
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this isn't political i'm joking like talking about assisted death but yeah that's that's kind of the
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inside scene of toronto because what before when i started comedy in toronto it was a very it wasn't
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like that yeah well there was a lot more i guess bully not really bullying but like the older comics
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would be like your shit your shit your shit and that was just fun it was just fun comedy is the
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people who didn't like that quit and that's good fuck them because it was fun to like get like
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razzed by like a guy who's like at the time it was like dom perry and stuff like that these guys have
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been doing it for at the time probably 12 years already 13 years and they're doing the best gigs that
00:20:01.180
were possible then there was no social media even really at that time it was like in infancy yeah
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it was like there was facebook there was stuff but like they weren't it wasn't where people weren't
00:20:09.460
oh you know what did you see that clip that yeah right so um but there was that atmosphere i remember
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there was this show at this place called poor boy on bloor uh-huh near bloor and christy and um
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it was upstairs and it was like a lot like you people all kinds so many open micers would be there
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like 25 30 open micers is a super small room all signing up on this big list to to get on the show
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and then there was pro comics there because a pro comic ran it yeah or a semi-pro comic or whatever
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and his buddies were all yucks guys so like john hastings and um you know parade and all these guys
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would just lurk in pavone and they and everybody oh shit oh that's alex pavone yeah he's actually
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literally doing the career that i'm trying to do right and they would there was this he's he would
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they would bump people you know you'd be waiting there for two hours to get on some guy would show
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up who's like ahead you know knows the host gets on and people weren't like on facebook being like
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i was at an open mic last night and i got bumped several times by a bunch of professional comedians
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how can i ever become a professional i know like what no when i was just like you're you got to be
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funnier than like i know whenever it's like an instinct whenever i get bumped that's what i
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would always take it as is like yeah well i gotta get better and then i can bump it feels cool to get
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bumped it should if you really love comedy and you're like a year or two in and you got bumped
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at some shitty open mic it's like oh makes the open mic seem cooler doesn't it like it's a story
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that you get but then it's like if i show up to one of these mics i'm like can i just go on and
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they're like i don't know i know you have 60 000 followers i know it's so stupid i don't know if i can
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let you on for free are these people here i don't know if they're ready for like what do you think
00:21:47.960
it is what are you talking about i'm a i can entertain these people that you know you think
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i'm gonna offend or whatever the fuck you think there was like more respect when you started
00:21:56.980
because it was more word of mouth is that my coffee it's mine oh no we put cigarettes in mine
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because uh you know what i mean like more respect for comics yeah just the above guys yeah it's more
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word of mouth now everything feels very obtainable like i can just post three reels and get like
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followers and then it's like it doesn't seem as respected like i'm seeing open micers put out
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clips when it's like right not even ready to no yeah well they're fucking themselves by doing that
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i i think so but i also think it's like building a good they have to learn how to do stuff but i mean
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the the point is that it builds like a good muscle if you're shit at comedy like real shit like you
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can't fucking just be putting shit on the internet being like i'm trying out here like back then i could
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have like there was youtube when i started like i put out my first ever video on youtube yeah and
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then i realized like and i paid professionally to have it fucking filmed my first ever set i paid
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professionally to have it filmed yeah i did by this guy that i knew jacob burkhardt uh who was like my
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mom's friend's son and like i but anyway i was like yo he was doing film stuff right and i remember it
00:22:58.020
was online and i had people who hated me from high school like people like yo this dean cook wanna be
00:23:02.400
fake it fucking bitch like all this because and also you could say that shit on uh youtube comment
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right like it was like actually bad comments like god not this goes against the guidelines i was just
00:23:13.780
you're a fucking pussy that's a bitch i'll fucking stab you with a fucking mustache you're like tell that
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joke near me i'll kill you so yeah so but then like so months later i was like oh yeah obviously i
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needed to delete everything delete delete delete and then i just like i didn't go to yuck yucks for two
00:23:29.640
years like until i thought i had some sort of an act to to let them see it but um but yeah the
00:23:35.660
the scene was better there was more shows comics were just into it like it wasn't there was no
00:23:42.540
battle like if you were a new comic you got along with the other new comics it wasn't like oh what
00:23:47.880
side of the spectrum of bullshit are you on it was just like yeah we all get along we do comedy we
00:23:53.180
fuck around and the shows were aggressive as shit like some of the open mics like there was the show uh
00:23:58.580
there's a place called village vapor lounge which was that it was like in the gay neighborhood
00:24:02.460
basically it was like church and church and wellesley it was above like a nail salon it was on
00:24:07.680
the third floor of this like sketchy building the second floor was like the first ever weed dispensary
00:24:12.540
in toronto that was like before dispensaries like you had to have like a legitimate like
00:24:16.340
the car thing that said you were dying or from the doctor or whatever uh and then upstairs a lot of
00:24:21.820
those people a lot of them were gay and like had aids and stuff so they had like wheat the weed card
00:24:27.000
from having aids and they would just have aids and smoke weed upstairs while we fucking did stand
00:24:31.380
up and there was this one guy rudiger who was like he was everybody talked about rudiger oh you've
00:24:36.100
been to village vapor pardon me village vapor lounge like rudiger he's like a he was the heckler he was
00:24:41.900
like the resident heckler that would just live he just like lived there he was just there all day
00:24:46.420
and he would just he was out of his mind right he would just be like well and he'd be like yeah i'll
00:24:51.280
suck your cock you little pussy fan like you would just like say crazy shit like that he'd make comics
00:24:55.840
cry female comics no look at you're fat you're so fat you stupid fat bitch you slut he was just
00:25:01.280
like like literally be like you're a fat slut like right there gay guys are animals he's like this
00:25:05.880
far away like the room is small but there's like 40 people packed in here and like he's just screaming
00:25:11.220
yeah and there's all like ghetto kind of like kind of like gangstery people there too who are like oh
00:25:16.060
that was a burn this guy's crazy i love yeah and rudiger's just like you're a fat slut and he used
00:25:21.900
to call me a fat jew and he's like i'll fucking burn you like the holocaust you faggot like it was
00:25:26.220
crazy crazy crazy and people um you know did comedy there anyway you know i remember he made sabrina
00:25:34.380
douglas cry once no fucking yeah she was just crying on a friday night like in this smoke-filled
00:25:39.580
fucking room because he was just like bitch bitch bitch this guy like had tourette's too like he was
00:25:45.660
out of it and he had like years to live so he just didn't give a fuck right and then you talk to him
00:25:51.520
after the show sometimes though it was really weird as soon as the show was over you'd go he'd come up to
00:25:56.120
you and be like good show that's hilarious out of control that's hilarious so those were the kind of shows
00:26:01.960
there and there was a show that i used to do there started on sunday by this guy named ali kabiri
00:26:06.860
who was a fucking psychopathic open miker yeah and he he used to have this bit where he would just
00:26:12.880
point at a girl and be like what's your butthole smell like and he would just and everybody be like
00:26:17.020
oh my god it was just super awkward worst crowd work ever yeah and uh so he ran this room at that like
00:26:22.720
venue on sundays and it was so the shows on fridays and thursdays and stuff were like fairly packed
00:26:29.620
rudiger was always there though but sunday it was just rudiger just him and the show was
00:26:36.660
called do an hour dummy and like five comics would show up and we'd all do an hour like or try to
00:26:42.280
like people would get to like half hour 20 minutes be like i'm done and it was just you doing stand-up
00:26:46.940
and this guy just bullying you one-on-one with four comics there it was just this most psychotic shit
00:26:51.960
i've ever seen in my life and we did it i did it every sunday for like months that's like that's like
00:26:56.320
what i used to do with the danger room it's like the heckle show at the corner i used to do it
00:26:59.760
every sunday the heckle show is like yeah it wasn't even a heckle show it was like this guy's insane
00:27:04.500
yeah it was a nightmare performed for a guy i did it for months i legitimately went there probably
00:27:08.340
like 12 times like i did that like 12 times but that's it's comics now i'd be like i can't go
00:27:15.520
there i feel uncomfortable i ain't blah blah blah it's like okay well how are you gonna feel when
00:27:20.180
you're in front of uh 200 people 400 people 600 7 000 yeah fucking losers you can't do it for seven
00:27:25.920
you can't do it that's like last night uh robert one of the guys who opened for me last night
00:27:30.120
comes out it goes whoa this is a big room bro whoa whoa and the audience is like yeah it's kind
00:27:36.240
of sick right you fucking bitch like i paid for to watch he had that good joke about the
00:27:40.880
the rubbing and then he didn't close on it i know the poker joke and everybody's like what the fuck
00:27:45.420
but brad did well what about brad brad did well he read his books if you guys like brad uh we did a
00:27:52.320
patreon with brad uh this week so that's on uh patreon patreon.com slash ben bankus
00:27:57.460
you can support the show there from as little as six dollars a month and you get access to over
00:28:02.580
10 hours of bonus podcast material but uh yeah brad is this guy that we had open as well who's like
00:28:08.980
50 ish and he's like yeah he's old he um he writes children's books well he writes dirty like dirty
00:28:17.420
books but in the style of children's books dirt yeah they're children's books for adults that are
00:28:21.540
like humorous yeah and he goes on stage he reads them on stage and it's kind of a cool thing
00:28:25.940
yeah i kind of like and we we're thinking about including him in more shit and stuff like that
00:28:30.620
but you know if he wears his shirts like this you guys like these shirts yeah we bought too many of
00:28:36.300
them i thought i was gonna sell them like hot cakes last night and people sold like a good amount
00:28:40.860
not that like what a third of them well i was i was i don't want to say the number of how many
00:28:46.280
very low number i don't know 100 100 minus two minus 40 i pocketed with robert no because people
00:28:59.000
i feel like they didn't i like i didn't explain the t-shirts enough on stage nobody did nobody talked
00:29:07.280
about merch that was my bad no i went up there after and i was like yo we're selling t-shirts you did you
00:29:12.080
did but like it wasn't in their head all night i know because at that point they're already just
00:29:16.800
like let's go they didn't hear what you said but if like earlier like we like i forgot to do this but
00:29:22.520
like we should have brought out a t-shirt and been like i feel like the the blow-up doll that we had
00:29:28.560
on stage should have been wearing the shirt the new shirt yeah that would have been that actually
00:29:32.780
would have been sick well we can still do that yeah it's a learning process i like these shirts
00:29:37.940
they're nice it's a good material i know it's a good thread count your shirts are always like
00:29:43.380
they feel really nice you know ben bankers makes a good show you can't wear them anyway
00:29:47.340
show up to a bar with charbucks excuse me i want a macchiato
00:29:53.420
talk about last night last night was good it was it was stressful because you were stressed you
00:30:01.160
were stressed we showed up and you they didn't have enough chairs for all the tickets the first
00:30:08.640
thing the guy's like i don't know we sold 200 we have 140 and then you were like so where are they
00:30:14.380
gonna sit they're like i don't know hey we're like doesn't this your job he's like i mean i think we
00:30:20.860
don't just like make them stand scattered around the room yeah then i i never hosted he's like here's
00:30:26.240
your green room it's literally a whole other like place for people to watch the show from then yeah
00:30:31.040
the most just have them sit here the most i ever hosted for was the shows at the royals so that's
00:30:35.540
like 60 oh yeah the first thing that happened when we got there is my name wasn't on the fucking
00:30:39.140
oh yeah it was dreams do come true and you were like i guess i'm like i'm not taking a picture under
00:30:43.740
that shit like what the fuck is that i know it was so unbelievable no you sold 200 seats what you
00:30:49.920
wanted your name on the marquee and the best i thought was when you were telling the guy working
00:30:53.960
behind the booth you were like is there any way we could do that i mean we have 40 minutes he was
00:30:58.320
like i want to kill myself no he just didn't he just you could see it in his eyes he hates his job
00:31:05.740
you know what i mean yeah they did not want to go above and beyond because they just assume like
00:31:11.020
every loser who rents that space is just gonna have like 20 people there and they're like oh
00:31:16.300
no we sold it out where's my name on the fucking marquee fuck you people and also they were like oh
00:31:23.620
it's not so because at first like the capacity is 250 yeah and then i see on her i go over the
00:31:29.580
computer and it's 200 i'm like why is it 200 oh i don't know it's like so then we're sold out like
00:31:34.360
i don't know i don't know i guess 200 i thought i went to thief some of them hop over the face it's
00:31:40.160
so me i know it's so nice it's the nicest woman ever such a sweet when is the next time you're going
00:31:45.200
to do a show here never you fucking i'd rather do it in brampton
00:31:50.200
if i had come there and they had my name on the fucking marquee yeah and i walked in and they're
00:31:58.140
like welcome welcome here's your thing here's a blowjob we already have sparkling water set up i
00:32:03.560
was like can i have sparkling water yeah and it was warm yeah warm sparkling water what the fuck
00:32:08.520
i mean honestly what the fucking shit sells one show you're already like bro you have to
00:32:14.080
you gotta yeah what do you what oh well i was happy with it and i was happy drinking warm water
00:32:18.940
in the i wasn't in the green room where i had to pass by the entire line yeah i'm like can i just
00:32:25.060
smoke through the back where there's clearly a back alley and they're like no sir don't work
00:32:29.360
one of the workers might escape that's where we put all the potatoes one of the workers might
00:32:34.620
escape all the workers are running away they have no green card fucking big booty latina mansion
00:32:41.540
then we go for chinese food they're not never happy to see us i don't know why give them money
00:32:46.320
every week tip them so well i know they're like what is it 20 percent we don't have fortune cookie
00:32:52.140
please read i've seen the videos i know what you do it's so funny how it's like
00:32:59.340
ben bank is this racist or the chinese and you give them all your money i know literally giving
00:33:04.560
them every dollar booze i think the chinese own the um lcbo lcbo is the camera breaking what's
00:33:16.400
happening you look like you look like you're on this fuck i didn't delete that child
00:33:20.520
parking you look like you're on the set you look like you're directing jaws in 1980
00:33:27.400
bring out the shark it's got the beanie does it look good
00:33:34.120
is it it's just focused on the coffee cup oh shit oh no
00:33:43.160
i'm never gonna have a good podcast i've been trying to do a podcast for four years
00:33:52.040
this is like my fourth podcast people are just like it's shit go back to bing bang
00:33:58.440
i was surprised you didn't do a chinese accent for 40 minutes and i
00:34:05.580
all i want to do is go for chinese food after this and go go-karting
00:34:09.940
i know we should we should go i want to do more fun that's what having a hobby is or like having
00:34:15.060
fun because i don't think like enough people just have fun like i don't have a lot of fun i'll be
00:34:20.120
honest i don't have a lot of fun i don't like play hockey in a league or play dodgeball or i work
00:34:27.560
out out shows all over the country no i'm a fuck yeah and you're famous top b oh i don't have any i
00:34:33.320
don't have any fun i just have fans i'm just saying when's the last time i went go-karting
00:34:37.520
i don't know well today we're doing it we're going go-karting yeah or paintball paintball
00:34:48.200
why are you looking at me like that i didn't know that
00:35:01.080
did you like that did you love that video game as a kid you're like yo it's me swinging from the wall
00:35:07.100
prince of persia i always thought the iranian video game i liked god of war i love how they're
00:35:13.280
like it the only iranian video game the guy's white i know it's not really iranian like it's
00:35:18.060
just tomb raider with a guy with weird pants on it's tomb raider but legal in iran because it's
00:35:22.520
not a woman with rights dude tomb raider like you know what's fun is like when you see the original
00:35:27.840
tomb raider video game like quality and it's so shit yeah and you're like but when i watched like
00:35:33.820
when i was a kid and played it i was like she's so hot but now i'm like she's a polygon
00:35:38.200
she literally is just like like has no face but then i was like look at the way she's running
00:35:44.540
i think when i was like in grade school i jerked off to like gta strippers
00:35:48.200
i never did that well but i did i did kill a lot of gta hookers yeah yeah you've never done that
00:35:58.300
no i didn't kill them i would always you just you fuck them and then once they get out and then
00:36:02.220
you wait a bit and you're like i don't know and then you just always in reverse too so funny just
00:36:07.900
yeah and then you get your money back and you stupid bitch
00:36:11.140
grand theft auto is a game that i uh like love yeah but i'm done i i played i the people who
00:36:21.480
play grand theft auto online oh no those people are autistic they're like i have 85 mansions and
00:36:27.740
all they have this whole life in there and i'm like it's too crazy for me like 450 pounds and you
00:36:32.220
live with your mom yeah no i never did that but i wish there was a new video game that i could play
00:36:36.960
for an hour i played red dead redemption that game's pretty sick i think i would play
00:36:41.000
video games like i think who is it fucking what was it uh oh yes uh our our lord and master uh
00:36:47.840
lord and savior enter tate but he said something about video games video games are gay yeah he's
00:36:54.240
like don't play video games i'm like okay he's like drink black coffee i'm like okay kill your first
00:36:59.940
word traffic be a human trafficker oh he's just for sure i watch so many clips of it being like
00:37:11.620
i uh used to run my own webcam business and i'm like this is so bad he looks bad i feel bad for him
00:37:18.800
in prison oh my god i know every he's not even in prison they're just like keeping him in there like
00:37:22.460
well it's weird because you cannot live until you tell us what you're doing but apparently every
00:37:28.560
single woman has said that they didn't do anything didn't do anything every girl under his webcam
00:37:34.820
business said that they didn't want to and then the judge said that they were brainwashed by him and
00:37:40.200
then they dropped the investigation for human trafficking and now they're looking into money
00:37:44.140
laundering so they like seized his assets in other countries i love how like the smartest you sound is
00:37:49.580
like you know the answer you're like a devout andrew tate follower that's just like actually
00:37:55.940
that's incorrect the most i honestly have never been entertained more by a person no he's amazing
00:38:00.820
the funniest i think he's i think he's i think it's whatever human trafficking he did was obviously
00:38:05.600
worth it because he made just the videos it's themselves the clip of him being like cooking is
00:38:12.020
the most he wasn't human he was human trafficking like romanian whores that weren't actually they were
00:38:17.680
like hello can you please traffic me i'd like to be human traffic sounds worse than it is what he did
00:38:22.540
is he just couldn't like got women to be in love with him and then he was like yo i love you what if
00:38:26.800
you just made porn and we went 50 50 on it and he just did that with 75 and they were down with it
00:38:31.420
yeah which is which is manipulative but it's not it's not getting the shipping container like it's not
00:38:37.620
what do you what else do you think is going to happen when you're a kickboxer and then you go on
00:38:41.380
uh uk big brother like yeah the next step is human trafficker in romania like there's no
00:38:48.200
yeah you don't just go to work at kinko's i work at staples now yes i was on big brother and i lost
00:38:55.040
and now i'm at walmart those reality shows like i i want to be on i want to be on big they tried to
00:39:01.500
do one for uh comedians like it was like what was there was like an amazon show where it's canadian
00:39:06.460
comedians it's like colin mockery was it the one the fat asian guy from some random canadian
00:39:12.040
convenience was it the one that uh they were trying to
00:39:14.920
no it was it the one where it's like comedians trying to make each other laugh and then
00:39:25.280
was it that one yeah yeah the last one was horrible but that's the concept for it was so stupid because
00:39:33.080
the concept is the to not what is it to not laugh the first one to laugh the first one to laugh it's
00:39:39.300
like shouldn't you be laughing the whole time you're hanging out with comedians let's have a show about
00:39:43.180
canadian comedians not being funny yeah try to be as unfunny as possible they're like this should be
00:39:48.040
easy cbc is like well being funny isn't working let's lean into not being funny we have five of the
00:39:55.760
least funny comedians in canada trying not to be funny brandon ash mohammed is not going to make tom
00:40:00.740
green laugh today no i watch tom green just once yeah tom green was on oh yeah he was on it he was
00:40:06.520
like i know fucking uh drew barrymore now i'm back in ottawa and i hate my life i don't even fucking
00:40:12.480
like these people i know a poor guy i would hate being on a show like that i would honestly i would
00:40:18.100
love it why wouldn't they should have done a show where they're like be as funny as possible and
00:40:22.600
we we're gonna keep score of who made the most people laugh or something like that where it's like
00:40:27.740
oh this is a fun show to watch oh try not to laugh here's my and they're not even doing fun
00:40:32.520
shit like showing their ball sacks or something like that would be funny if you just like oh check
00:40:36.160
this out colin mockery it's just me bending over tried i think they thought like brent butt pulling
00:40:40.980
his balls over his dick i think they thought okay if we put this scenario where you have to make the
00:40:46.260
funniest people laugh it's gonna push you to the edge but it just makes you more self-conscious as a
00:40:50.320
comedian then you just do dumb shit and you just bomb even harder you know what i mean imagine doing
00:40:56.200
that in a green room with five guys and then you're just like trying to make them laugh like
00:41:00.000
you're doing a set or doing silly shit it's not entertaining trying to make people laugh then
00:41:08.060
they're not supposed to laugh i guess okay maybe it is a good show i don't know maybe it's a good i
00:41:13.480
think they just got unfunny people on it i feel like if we were on it we would make it funny
00:41:17.380
we'd lose immediately because we'd just laugh yeah i would give me my 10k for one episode
00:41:24.400
tylo yeah i would just go up to every comic go i don't know just like whispering chinese
00:41:31.180
like ben you need to be loud i know yeah the camera needs to hear it how did you make colin
00:41:40.180
mockery laugh so hard in the well i uh well i said whose line is it anyway
00:41:45.260
because wasn't he on the show whose line is it anyway was uh yeah colin mockery with drew
00:41:56.560
carry more drew carry my career drew barrymore carried my career we can't put that on he's gonna
00:42:04.300
never come on now tom green's never gonna bring his dog here now when you met tom green you were
00:42:11.820
like i don't even know who you are straight up i'm sorry we're just like bro i never saw fucking
00:42:16.300
freddie guthing yeah what i'm sorry but i watched america i watched like beverly little's cop and
00:42:21.120
fucking louis i didn't watch like no you didn't watch fucking fart in a butthole movie like shut
00:42:26.140
the fuck up i'm sorry no i didn't but i didn't watch that my bad i don't think letter kenny is
00:42:33.300
funny i feel like millennials get like they're like oh tom green tom green yeah millennials like
00:42:38.380
but he wasn't even in movies that he should have been in like he should have been in way more of
00:42:42.620
like the american pie type stuff yeah no i don't think he was how to use him no they they were like
00:42:47.660
oh and freddie got fingered and then he's he's a fun guy i i like him actually as a person i think
00:42:54.000
that he no he's hilarious his stand-up is super funny and and he can just he has all these stories
00:42:59.880
about being famous that are just amazing like him on fucking no he has a lot of control on stage like
00:43:05.080
he's obviously a great comic it's just i don't think entertainment used him right no but now it's
00:43:11.080
just like he's just instagram like it's just he's just literally i did rogan twice now i'm just you
00:43:15.240
just that's all it is we're kill it i'm like you know let's go rogui it's crazy how many people go
00:43:20.920
nuts for him too considering i don't like my generation i don't think people know him yeah
00:43:26.640
young people are kind of you know tom green right of course no young people i think it's because
00:43:31.660
because it was a big deal whenever a canadian celebrity especially like pre-drake yeah and
00:43:36.200
pre-justin bieber would like fuck an american celebrity or like marry an american celebrity big deal
00:43:41.060
it was like yo represent dan actroyd's from canada like seth rogan when seth rogan like
00:43:46.220
first like started like making movies and stuff people were like seth rogan's canadian oh he's
00:43:50.200
the funniest guy then he lost weight and he's like i suck penis i think every movie funny i think all
00:43:58.140
of my old movies should be deleted and every new movie should have a trance i know it's so funny
00:44:02.660
that he literally made some of the best comedy movies i know he's like those are the those are the
00:44:06.960
ones that should be deleted but all these literally i honestly think two guys a genius
00:44:11.500
but he just but honestly it's like it's hollywood it's the illuminati they're like do you want to be
00:44:15.720
worth 200 million still or we'll bump you down to 10 mil which if you're worth 200 million now
00:44:21.120
you're 10 mil that's like a fucking that's like you're a homeless basically yeah now you're times
00:44:24.820
10 fucking yeah it's insane so they're terrified of losing their money but that's why you need to
00:44:29.980
support me support the show uh patreon.com slash ben bank is six dollars a month um you get the bonus
00:44:38.480
podcasts what how much time five uh we got shows coming up that we should plug we should plug some
00:44:46.640
shows you're not i probably should have done them yeah so february right now 2023 niagara yuck yucks
00:44:53.400
february 24th and 25th uh and then in march we have sudbury march 9th and 10th uh and then we have
00:45:01.460
march uh 23rd in ottawa oh shit go get tickets for that uh it's a yuck yucks march 23rd in ottawa then we
00:45:10.320
have march 30th in surrey bc uh april 1st vancouver uh and then april 6th we have edmund uh we have
00:45:21.780
calgary april 6th edmonton alberta april 7th fort mcmurray april 8th then we have saskatoon uh april
00:45:34.120
14th and then we have regina april 15th and then from the 21st 27th the 21st 22nd is winnipeg and then
00:45:44.860
the 27th 28th the next weekend is also in winnipeg so we're gonna be in winnipeg for two weeks yeah
00:45:49.620
doing podcasts shooting content doing dumb shit um you know and hopefully there'll be some other
00:45:58.120
shows that we can hop on to and shit like that apparently winnipeg has a bit of a scene no
00:46:02.640
apparently it's dangerous there i think so yeah i think the natives and like they're the that's it
00:46:07.820
the natives comma actually never mind delete the comma that's just put a period
00:46:15.240
and i forgot there's no black people in winnipeg there's like three that are like i'm half native
00:46:29.740
um yeah so there's those shows and then we have um
00:46:40.240
after that's it for now but i'm probably gonna add some more shit when we get back to ontario
00:46:45.900
i think i want to do barry i think a barry theater
00:46:48.620
yeah in like may because i have a bunch of fans in barry that don't really want to come down to
00:46:53.780
toronto do barry so barry's boot camp barry's gonna keep grinding out here i still i look thin as
00:47:00.880
fuck right now i guess it's just you gotta just think thin you just gotta believe i'm getting
00:47:05.780
thinner and you get thin even if you stop working out i'm just like i'm thin i'm thinning i'm thinning
00:47:09.940
yeah we're gonna if i if i do another lula lounge i'll just pay for uh liposuction liposuction and get
00:47:25.020
you just have my hair like an iron curtain right there
00:47:33.220
hello i'm hasboula hello i want to meet that midget that's the only midget i don't want to meet
00:47:38.080
he's like 35 right no he's in he's like 1920 oh i thought he was like a child i thought he's like
00:47:43.980
an adult but he's not like that old he has that disease like when remember when what was the show
00:47:49.380
it was on tv it had the like black guy who looked like a kid but he family no yeah it matters yeah
00:47:54.960
you know who it is but you know who i'm talking gary coleman i know the guy he looks like a kid but
00:48:00.320
he's an adult yeah yeah and he was a he was famous for a long time and i remember my mom would always
00:48:05.160
just point that out and be like that guy has that disease where he's got that looks like a kid but
00:48:09.640
he's an adult and i don't know wow as a kid you're like wow i want that disease
00:48:15.100
i want to be young forever the gayest kid ever you're eight you're like i don't want a wrinkle
00:48:24.440
was it webster webster webster's dictionary merriam webster
00:48:30.620
i don't know if it was he wasn't just short it's like he looked like a child like it's like he
00:48:41.980
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