Bankas Podcast - Brad Gosse ｜ The Bankas Show - Patreon Bonus #012

00:00:00.000 check check i think his podcast in the library the library the selfie you just took i felt that

00:00:07.720 selfie the selfie is uh indicative of my mood your arm and turn that light off almost people

00:00:13.920 bring me down turn that main light off please pretty please please i am paying him a little bit 0.83

00:00:19.880 i'll shut the shut up i want to know more about this arrangement you're gonna 0.95

00:00:25.460 what do you want what do you what do you want to get paid today that you'd feel comfortable 0.99

00:00:29.920 why do you have to do this on air what do you mean that's employee this is employee abuse

00:00:35.780 can we throw dollar bills at you i'm telling osha about this the comedy employee abuse board

00:00:44.460 they'll be like what did he do did he have sex with you you'd be like nobody no but he made me go to the

00:00:52.640 library and he didn't give me any money i was in a weird he made me collect his guest i like the

00:00:59.660 light setup we have here no one's gonna see it shut up for a second because we want to introduce

00:01:05.940 brad goss who is the number one uh selling children's book books for adults

00:01:16.680 in uh the world in the category that i created in a category you created you are the number one

00:01:24.160 i'm now number one in my own category and uh yeah you're saying you liked being in the library

00:01:30.320 you haven't been in a library since you're 14 but you're a best-selling author yeah libraries don't

00:01:35.400 fuck with my books no chapters indigo no online yeah they sell it online they actually do yeah 0.88

00:01:42.860 i have a distribution deal worldwide distribution deal with amazon a self-publish how does that um 0.99

00:01:50.160 self-publish so they do they they don't even know they're selling your book chapters yeah it's like

00:01:56.200 a backdoor and what i actually do is i have a so my books are my favorite thing is my books are on

00:02:02.120 walmart.com you know walmart's like the most wholesome fucking company so every once in a while 0.79

00:02:07.060 i take a screenshot of like my worst books like pedo clown and you know why daddy hits mommy on walmart's 0.95

00:02:13.300 website and i'll post it on instagram and i'll be like so proud of my partnership with hashtag walmart

00:02:18.300 you know and i'll and like i'm hoping that some karen will complain to them and they'll take me down 1.00

00:02:22.500 so that i can say i was banned by walmart but it hasn't happened yet they haven't banned me yet so

00:02:27.720 it's like a whole industry of trying to get into these like online it's big box store websites and

00:02:34.860 then get canceled and then that will boost your sales on a different yeah just leverage the cancel

00:02:41.380 yeah i've done that a couple times yeah it's the only way to deal with the cancel is to leverage it

00:02:47.300 what are you gonna do apologize go on apology tour no that doesn't work you just gotta feel bad i

00:02:53.220 guess for a while right no i don't want to feel bad no i've i've never uh felt bad for the things

00:03:04.100 that i was like quote unquote canceled for but they weren't they were like i did a comedy show during

00:03:09.340 the pandemic and people were mad because they're like he's going against the coven he's

00:03:14.200 endangering people's lives i was doing a comedy show in a park and there were comics that were

00:03:21.060 basically trying to cancel that i once asked a fat lady if she was pregnant that's on stage no but 0.99

00:03:27.160 like in general in a job interview in a job interview did you get the job what's that did you get the 0.98

00:03:33.540 she didn't get the job oh wait you were interviewing her that's gangster it wasn't i was just 17 and dumb

00:03:42.300 and i where were you working i had a manager job at a telemarketing company and 17 yeah they put me 1.00

00:03:47.460 in charge wow must have been a bunch of idiots that fucking yeah so what you you were doing telemarketing 1.00

00:03:54.140 at 17 yeah what like so at 16 what were you doing my was homeless holy shit that's wild dude that's it 1.00

00:04:06.860 so you have a serious success story i have a connection to the homeless in this library yeah 0.82

00:04:12.460 yeah you so you you were homeless at 16 but you stopped going to libraries at 14

00:04:17.980 so you were never homeless in a library i don't think i ever was homeless in a library now that

00:04:22.700 you say it out loud well still time let's sleep here tonight let's sir we're taking the uh the

00:04:32.280 podcast lounge all night yeah this is the media lab imagine the smell in here people slept in here

00:04:37.980 there's no smell in pretty similar which is surprising i mean it depends who was sleeping

00:04:44.580 i guess it was the homeless versus uh you know us three right now i guess like how long does it take

00:04:54.220 till you actually smell homeless like like three days of caked on piss i can smell homeless in 36 hours 0.54

00:05:02.380 if i don't shower for three four two three days i'm homeless 0.97

00:05:06.300 wow that's is that what that's like a you say odor level of a brown guy so have you been homeless since 0.65

00:05:17.760 16 no i've had a home all this time okay you make it seem like well i guess it's i was homeless for

00:05:24.460 like a like a not even a year like a part of the year it was kind of fun it was like a it was like camp

00:05:31.220 it wasn't like i was homeless once i worked with this guy who was like legit recovering homeless um

00:05:38.980 he was i did junk removal my boss like smoked crack or he's like a recovering crackhead or something and

00:05:44.960 then so he hired like some guy who was used to be homeless and they gave him a house or something

00:05:51.000 and uh yeah he was he tried to kill me i think a couple times it was a little scary i was in the

00:05:58.920 back of the dump truck and he started just trying to tip me out he i wish you everyone could see 0.99

00:06:05.180 your little finger motion yeah yeah those were a little finger bang motion finger my ass because 1.00

00:06:09.800 it wasn't i don't know it wasn't well he knows how to find the g spot just from the motion we know 0.99

00:06:14.460 what he's doing he knows what he's doing put the car in reverse ladies ben knows exactly what he's 0.98

00:06:19.400 doing i can tell by his gestures he doesn't fuck around he goes straight for the g 0.98

00:06:26.060 straight for the g what about how do you feel about andrew tate speaking of g's top g 0.98

00:06:32.620 i miss him i'm scared i'm actually worried about him i feel like he's trolling all of us he's not

00:06:39.780 even in jail and and well no i think he's in jail but i i don't know i do i do miss the i do miss

00:06:46.120 the entertainment i'm on his email list and are you in hustle up university or whatever i actually did

00:06:51.860 join that and then i hustle unjoined it after like five months i did nothing i just but like

00:06:58.000 some basically when you join hustlers university some guy messages you on like telegram and pretends

00:07:03.180 to be andrew tate he's just amazing and he's just like i am andrew tate g i'm here for you g and like

00:07:09.660 they talk like that and like there wasn't like at least two three weeks where i was like i'm speaking

00:07:14.720 to andrew tate on the daily basis i'm so retarded the andrew tate chatbot the guy was like yo i grew 0.82

00:07:21.540 up in saskatchewan g i was like dude is that andrew tate's story i don't know maybe it is i know he is

00:07:28.120 part like part human trafficker yeah do you think he actually human trafficked yeah i mean

00:07:36.700 anybody who anybody who anybody who has a stable of hoes is a human trafficker 1.00

00:07:43.780 so every rapper is a human trafficker essentially yeah yeah absolutely yeah technically i'm a human

00:07:53.980 trafficker i mean that's that's more believable than andrew tate

00:07:59.360 why why you have multiple hoes at home i have i have a stable of hoes my pimp hand is very strong 1.00

00:08:08.600 legitimately no not legitimately i don't have any hoes i'm a middle-aged white guy 0.99

00:08:14.080 you can have hoes at middle age you got money you have like a door deal with amazon 1.00

00:08:19.820 i'm dripping he doesn't know what a door deal is maybe no but i don't know what a door deal is either

00:08:28.360 like you have your book deal you have money yeah you have a door deal with amazon

00:08:33.020 is that some comedy it's like a comedy term he learned like three months ago like two months ago

00:08:41.860 door deal okay he's known it what does that mean you get a cut of the door you get a cut what does

00:08:45.940 that mean yeah break it down for me it's literally all it is it's like uh you instead of you get a

00:08:51.040 cut of the door okay like a 60 70 80 cut or something like that right but he asked

00:08:58.060 he said that you have that's funny door deal for a book just just a picture a guy standing in front

00:09:04.880 of a book you want to read his book yeah like have you never done like a book signing even yeah i've

00:09:10.860 done book signing oh okay that's cool do you get paid for those or like how's that work no you just

00:09:14.540 usually sell the books oh the store or i i sell a lot of actually i privately sell a lot of signed

00:09:21.940 books like christmas people are buying signed books like crazy so sick you just sign your own 0.99

00:09:27.800 shit and charge more yeah smart how many books do you have right now 126 holy shit dude what's the 0.98

00:09:37.340 average length of each book three pages 30 pages that's pretty but half the back half of the book 1.00

00:09:43.640 is classified ads for other books of mine half the book is ads are you jewish um it's so genius

00:09:52.100 i feel like there's some some jew spirit animal in me somewhere yeah must be must be what is what is

00:09:59.720 your uh yes what is your uh what kind of white or kind of white can i guess yeah is it a guessable

00:10:08.380 thing or is it mixed super mixed i don't know i have a 23 and me we can break it all down oh i've never

00:10:12.820 done that apparently like shouldn't do that why because like i don't know your dna is like in the

00:10:19.220 public like thing i'm not a sex offender so i'm not concerned about it it's not spreading my dna

00:10:27.680 yeah well you don't go straight for the g spot like ben no no what if you accidentally run over a

00:10:32.840 guy i take her out for dinner first what what if you run over a guy in brampton by accident

00:10:39.740 and then they're like oh 23 and me how'd my dna be on him that's like a w tom green was talking

00:10:48.880 about that that's what i never even oh yeah he's doing it in his stand-up about he's like you should

00:10:54.200 never do 23 and me because if you try to kill somebody yeah i think you're gonna find your dna it's

00:10:59.840 crazy but what is so what is your background i thought you were gonna guess you're like uh you 0.73

00:11:06.160 got like irish in you like scottish and then i'm like probably norwegian it just says the n-word

00:11:15.620 yeah yeah that's possible i could actually see you being like one part box maybe one part one

00:11:29.520 part like a quarter like yeah like just your forehead my forehead is black just you have the 0.98

00:11:34.500 blackest head i've ever seen on a white guy i do have a black like you are to look like a black like 0.99

00:11:39.460 an albino that's what i am yeah you're an albino italian italian italian albino no you don't look 0.99

00:11:48.860 albino italian albino is just a black guy i'm like scottish nordic that's close irish is close

00:11:59.360 the nordic yeah like you see yeah you have like that that less ginger more your face looks like it's 0.98

00:12:04.240 been through a lot of winters my face has been through a lot of shit it has been through a lot 0.98

00:12:08.880 of shit you know what i mean you look like you should just be in a parka just with like 0.99

00:12:12.180 yeah when you do acting you you do have like uh like um you got like drones like law and order svu 0.99

00:12:20.440 i don't act i'm not a puppet you look famous like you look when i look at you i go i think that guy

00:12:27.340 yeah you look like you design clothes i look like a famous person yeah looking like a famous person

00:12:32.000 what do you think is involved in that in looking famous yeah um believing you're famous and believing

00:12:41.300 you're living in a movie and you're the main character all the time it's narcissistic being

00:12:45.200 a woman 100 sorry yeah you you chose the right word narcissism yeah just that's the full-blown 0.99

00:12:51.440 narcissism yeah i'm the fucking center of the universe with like like a fucking like a hat on and 0.97

00:12:58.800 like these like strapping at sunglasses and she's putting her jacket out like it's just like nobody 1.00

00:13:04.740 knows who the fuck you are you know what i mean like i don't think that but you well now we know 0.95

00:13:09.700 you just said it on a podcast the girl yeah that's why they do it so then it's like you you notice them 1.00

00:13:15.120 and then you go three days you're like who the fuck was that bitch and then she's just still in your 0.99

00:13:20.220 head i need to get okay i need to wear sunglasses 24 7 yeah i need a hat because straight up my head 0.99

00:13:25.460 doesn't look very good no your head looks fine it's just your hair that makes it look bad get a 0.99

00:13:29.700 bucket hat oh shit bucket hat and overalls i look like a retard so like a legitimate 1.00

00:13:36.620 yeah i don't like those illegitimate does well yeah i mean a lot of people act kind of like that right 0.99

00:13:50.620 now like that's that's also a thing like people like trans abled people like oh i'm autistic it's

00:13:56.720 like no you're just you're just kind of boring you just have adhd oh yeah adhd stuff people are

00:14:03.520 leaning on that now i don't know i have a lot of things i'm probably undiagnosed which is i self 0.99

00:14:09.940 medicate so yeah so who knows what i have fuck that's just a never-ending thing in life you just 0.93

00:14:17.940 basically just find out you're dying from more things until one of them gets you not really yeah 0.99

00:14:24.600 what do you what do you think uh is is the best part about life like imagine not being a comedian is 0.98

00:14:32.040 more fun than being a regular doing a stupid job person depends on the type of comic you are i mean 0.98

00:14:38.680 there's a lot of comics that are depressed as fuck and and you know yes that 20 minutes they get on 0.99

00:14:44.980 stage is like yeah we're on his podcast right now 0.99

00:14:48.520 welcome to the show

00:14:53.460 yeah i

00:14:57.480 i think the comics who are depressed

00:15:01.240 still are living a better life than people who are depressed doing like uh an office job or something

00:15:10.780 some people are happy doing their office job it's true

00:15:14.380 have you ever had that office office job i've always owned my own business i've been a

00:15:20.820 ceo since how long have you been doing like comedy slash like when did the books

00:15:26.000 start three years ago

00:15:28.320 it's amazing

00:15:30.500 so before that it was just like selling scrap metal

00:15:34.520 that's right yeah yeah what'd you do before that i owned uh a couple tech companies sold them 0.99

00:15:41.400 fuck so you you've just been balling for years 0.99

00:15:45.720 well there's been times where i haven't been balling 1.00

00:15:50.060 there's been some low balling four months and i was homeless for three weeks and then i invented tesla

00:15:58.680 and i sold it to elon

00:16:00.600 yeah you were um i mean it was my fault that i didn't have the camera 0.92

00:16:06.500 fucking but i kind of i like podcasts like this where you like sometimes a podcast should be 0.88

00:16:12.300 just audio yeah 0.97

00:16:14.220 i like how every time we have a mechanical failure you like convince yourself like

00:16:19.380 this is how it should be this is a pure art form now this is the way it's real art now

00:16:23.780 yeah with the camera you would just like am radio back in the day

00:16:27.120 it's like news talk 10 10 this is real i think i'm gonna have to get my own um

00:16:31.460 studio studio yeah why not you're balling the patreon basically covers it kind of half of

00:16:40.620 just over half of it that's not bad it's better than not covering it at all

00:16:45.380 thanks everybody and especially if they see the studio and they'll be like oh that's where our

00:16:49.740 money's going to oh shit maybe i'll donate more in a box and then they all yeah then they all 0.89

00:16:54.740 fucking why don't you get a sponsor bank of montreal or some shit scotia bank he's just yelling about 1.00

00:17:02.720 trans people do you think i could trick them into thinking i was just like a gay activist like just 1.00

00:17:07.520 like yeah like temporarily archive like all of my your whole instagram only post like 10 things

00:17:15.520 where i'm like i'm gay and then just like maybe send it to them and then like get the contract

00:17:21.940 take the money and then get sued switch it back just do one show in a dress on you just do one show

00:17:27.500 in a dress and you're done you could be like i'm trans mic drop do a special should i wear a dress

00:17:34.800 lose 30 000 followers i would love that i told you you should you should wear because it's like a

00:17:41.260 yeah wear a moomoo with like the hat i come out as a trans comic i feel like people would be upset

00:17:46.700 about that actually yeah because you're not a you wouldn't be a good looking woman my fans don't 1.00

00:17:51.740 want that they want that for like five seconds and then i pull it off and i'm like i'm straight 0.92

00:17:55.180 as fuck just kidding guys just did it for the government grants yo 0.90

00:17:59.100 yeah the media fund there are government grants i mean we're basically doing this podcast from a 0.99

00:18:06.900 government grant yeah this is we didn't get we at the library yo but what would you put in a studio 0.95

00:18:14.080 stripper pool 100 stripper pool fuck i don't know if that that's bar a bar yeah it's it's like um 1.00

00:18:26.040 a hundred square feet yeah okay so it's a stripper pool bar and then at least one hooker to snort 1.00

00:18:31.640 cocaine off of like a little bar to like oh i know what you mean like an actual little bar 0.68

00:18:36.840 yeah sure mini bar fully stocked fully stocked little miniature bottles of we'll hire a guy we'll

00:18:43.780 hire a guy to come in i like this right we'll hire a guy to come in it'll be stocked we have red bulls 0.94

00:18:50.880 liquid deaths dwarf toss fucking blow everything yeah i feel like i'm gonna have these get the guys 0.99

00:18:59.480 who they're all like i don't know i want to talk about it but they're like dj they're like djs or 0.95

00:19:04.660 whatever oh so perfect so they'd be down they'd be like oh you guys want sparkling water only

00:19:08.740 yeah i feel like my suite's gonna be the most extravagant probably your suite 0.99

00:19:16.520 i don't know if it's yeah it's my studio suite my penthouse storage unit it's a fucking storage 0.97

00:19:23.680 unit it's literally just like one of those like it's like an illegal storage yeah self-storage with 0.93

00:19:28.520 like a i got a new way of making money it's exactly like this fucking library room though like pretty 0.95

00:19:34.120 much but why don't we just but what if we just got i i suggested this before we're high ceilings 0.73

00:19:38.360 what if we actually went to like a real storage space and just rented it for like a dollar a month 0.63

00:19:42.540 what do you mean you can't they don't have any fucking outlets it's not like you can't bring a 0.96

00:19:48.800 generator you can't sit in a storage unit you get a hotel how many times a month are you shooting a 0.99

00:19:52.980 podcast you doing it daily or weekly yeah let's get rooms at the fairmont a hotel room yo here we are

00:20:02.020 at the double tree building garden in yo just like in the lobby you know you're not wrong he's not

00:20:10.740 wrong but i think it would come to the same price though if we because we're doing what it was four

00:20:15.980 times well technically technically it's supposed to be eight times a month yeah but last week we 0.80

00:20:21.140 fucked up okay so if you had a hotel room you could shoot twice in the time that you have the room 0.88

00:20:26.960 hotel room it's going to cost you what 200 bucks so there's your 800 but you get to put that on your

00:20:32.680 credit card and get points you can't put the studio on your credit card and get points 0.99

00:20:36.900 you really are that's some fucking just jewish yeah there's that's that's the jewish credit card 0.99

00:20:44.860 points whore i once got this is a true story i once got audited by cra when i was in the uh 1.00

00:20:53.560 adult entertainment business for 10 years oh my god every every state you're like every statement's 0.99

00:21:00.040 just like yes and i've been on the moon like everything just gets fucking like what the fuck 0.95

00:21:04.520 i got audited by cra for having too many credits point for the toronto maple age at the time yeah 0.92

00:21:10.400 i'm literally best friends with uh tim horton i actually was the one that invented double doubles

00:21:15.900 oh my god i trademarked it i make a dollar off every cup when i quit the beatles i um are you liking

00:21:22.140 this free sample of the bankers show on patreon well join now to listen to the rest of this episode

00:21:28.320 and yes i am whispering because my child is asleep so that is why you need to support the show

00:21:36.240 otherwise um there will be no food um for the child

00:21:43.680 patreon.com slash ben pacus join right now and listen to the full version of this podcast which is an hour and 35 minutes

00:21:58.160 goodbye

00:21:59.920 you

Bankas Podcast - February 18, 2023

Brad Gosse ｜ The Bankas Show - Patreon Bonus #012

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript