Brad Gosse ｜ The Bankas Show - Patreon Bonus #012
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
174.05121
Summary
Best selling author Brad Grossi Goss joins us in the media lab to talk about how he became a comedian, how he got his start in comedy, and how he fell in love with the art of stand-up comedy.
Transcript
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check check i think his podcast in the library the library the selfie you just took i felt that
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selfie the selfie is uh indicative of my mood your arm and turn that light off almost people
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bring me down turn that main light off please pretty please please i am paying him a little bit
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i'll shut the shut up i want to know more about this arrangement you're gonna
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what do you want what do you what do you want to get paid today that you'd feel comfortable
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why do you have to do this on air what do you mean that's employee this is employee abuse
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can we throw dollar bills at you i'm telling osha about this the comedy employee abuse board
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they'll be like what did he do did he have sex with you you'd be like nobody no but he made me go to the
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library and he didn't give me any money i was in a weird he made me collect his guest i like the
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light setup we have here no one's gonna see it shut up for a second because we want to introduce
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brad goss who is the number one uh selling children's book books for adults
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in uh the world in the category that i created in a category you created you are the number one
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i'm now number one in my own category and uh yeah you're saying you liked being in the library
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you haven't been in a library since you're 14 but you're a best-selling author yeah libraries don't
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fuck with my books no chapters indigo no online yeah they sell it online they actually do yeah
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i have a distribution deal worldwide distribution deal with amazon a self-publish how does that um
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self-publish so they do they they don't even know they're selling your book chapters yeah it's like
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a backdoor and what i actually do is i have a so my books are my favorite thing is my books are on
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walmart.com you know walmart's like the most wholesome fucking company so every once in a while
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i take a screenshot of like my worst books like pedo clown and you know why daddy hits mommy on walmart's
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website and i'll post it on instagram and i'll be like so proud of my partnership with hashtag walmart
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you know and i'll and like i'm hoping that some karen will complain to them and they'll take me down
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so that i can say i was banned by walmart but it hasn't happened yet they haven't banned me yet so
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it's like a whole industry of trying to get into these like online it's big box store websites and
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then get canceled and then that will boost your sales on a different yeah just leverage the cancel
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yeah i've done that a couple times yeah it's the only way to deal with the cancel is to leverage it
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what are you gonna do apologize go on apology tour no that doesn't work you just gotta feel bad i
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guess for a while right no i don't want to feel bad no i've i've never uh felt bad for the things
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that i was like quote unquote canceled for but they weren't they were like i did a comedy show during
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the pandemic and people were mad because they're like he's going against the coven he's
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endangering people's lives i was doing a comedy show in a park and there were comics that were
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basically trying to cancel that i once asked a fat lady if she was pregnant that's on stage no but
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like in general in a job interview in a job interview did you get the job what's that did you get the
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she didn't get the job oh wait you were interviewing her that's gangster it wasn't i was just 17 and dumb
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and i where were you working i had a manager job at a telemarketing company and 17 yeah they put me
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in charge wow must have been a bunch of idiots that fucking yeah so what you you were doing telemarketing
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at 17 yeah what like so at 16 what were you doing my was homeless holy shit that's wild dude that's it
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so you have a serious success story i have a connection to the homeless in this library yeah
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yeah you so you you were homeless at 16 but you stopped going to libraries at 14
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so you were never homeless in a library i don't think i ever was homeless in a library now that
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you say it out loud well still time let's sleep here tonight let's sir we're taking the uh the
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podcast lounge all night yeah this is the media lab imagine the smell in here people slept in here
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there's no smell in pretty similar which is surprising i mean it depends who was sleeping
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i guess it was the homeless versus uh you know us three right now i guess like how long does it take
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till you actually smell homeless like like three days of caked on piss i can smell homeless in 36 hours
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if i don't shower for three four two three days i'm homeless
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wow that's is that what that's like a you say odor level of a brown guy so have you been homeless since
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16 no i've had a home all this time okay you make it seem like well i guess it's i was homeless for
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like a like a not even a year like a part of the year it was kind of fun it was like a it was like camp
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it wasn't like i was homeless once i worked with this guy who was like legit recovering homeless um
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he was i did junk removal my boss like smoked crack or he's like a recovering crackhead or something and
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then so he hired like some guy who was used to be homeless and they gave him a house or something
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and uh yeah he was he tried to kill me i think a couple times it was a little scary i was in the
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back of the dump truck and he started just trying to tip me out he i wish you everyone could see
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your little finger motion yeah yeah those were a little finger bang motion finger my ass because
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it wasn't i don't know it wasn't well he knows how to find the g spot just from the motion we know
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what he's doing he knows what he's doing put the car in reverse ladies ben knows exactly what he's
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doing i can tell by his gestures he doesn't fuck around he goes straight for the g
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straight for the g what about how do you feel about andrew tate speaking of g's top g
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i miss him i'm scared i'm actually worried about him i feel like he's trolling all of us he's not
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even in jail and and well no i think he's in jail but i i don't know i do i do miss the i do miss
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the entertainment i'm on his email list and are you in hustle up university or whatever i actually did
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join that and then i hustle unjoined it after like five months i did nothing i just but like
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some basically when you join hustlers university some guy messages you on like telegram and pretends
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to be andrew tate he's just amazing and he's just like i am andrew tate g i'm here for you g and like
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they talk like that and like there wasn't like at least two three weeks where i was like i'm speaking
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to andrew tate on the daily basis i'm so retarded the andrew tate chatbot the guy was like yo i grew
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up in saskatchewan g i was like dude is that andrew tate's story i don't know maybe it is i know he is
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part like part human trafficker yeah do you think he actually human trafficked yeah i mean
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anybody who anybody who anybody who has a stable of hoes is a human trafficker
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so every rapper is a human trafficker essentially yeah yeah absolutely yeah technically i'm a human
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trafficker i mean that's that's more believable than andrew tate
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why why you have multiple hoes at home i have i have a stable of hoes my pimp hand is very strong
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legitimately no not legitimately i don't have any hoes i'm a middle-aged white guy
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you can have hoes at middle age you got money you have like a door deal with amazon
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i'm dripping he doesn't know what a door deal is maybe no but i don't know what a door deal is either
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like you have your book deal you have money yeah you have a door deal with amazon
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is that some comedy it's like a comedy term he learned like three months ago like two months ago
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door deal okay he's known it what does that mean you get a cut of the door you get a cut what does
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that mean yeah break it down for me it's literally all it is it's like uh you instead of you get a
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cut of the door okay like a 60 70 80 cut or something like that right but he asked
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he said that you have that's funny door deal for a book just just a picture a guy standing in front
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of a book you want to read his book yeah like have you never done like a book signing even yeah i've
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done book signing oh okay that's cool do you get paid for those or like how's that work no you just
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usually sell the books oh the store or i i sell a lot of actually i privately sell a lot of signed
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books like christmas people are buying signed books like crazy so sick you just sign your own
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shit and charge more yeah smart how many books do you have right now 126 holy shit dude what's the
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average length of each book three pages 30 pages that's pretty but half the back half of the book
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is classified ads for other books of mine half the book is ads are you jewish um it's so genius
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i feel like there's some some jew spirit animal in me somewhere yeah must be must be what is what is
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your uh yes what is your uh what kind of white or kind of white can i guess yeah is it a guessable
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thing or is it mixed super mixed i don't know i have a 23 and me we can break it all down oh i've never
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done that apparently like shouldn't do that why because like i don't know your dna is like in the
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public like thing i'm not a sex offender so i'm not concerned about it it's not spreading my dna
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yeah well you don't go straight for the g spot like ben no no what if you accidentally run over a
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guy i take her out for dinner first what what if you run over a guy in brampton by accident
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and then they're like oh 23 and me how'd my dna be on him that's like a w tom green was talking
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about that that's what i never even oh yeah he's doing it in his stand-up about he's like you should
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never do 23 and me because if you try to kill somebody yeah i think you're gonna find your dna it's
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crazy but what is so what is your background i thought you were gonna guess you're like uh you
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got like irish in you like scottish and then i'm like probably norwegian it just says the n-word
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yeah yeah that's possible i could actually see you being like one part box maybe one part one
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part like a quarter like yeah like just your forehead my forehead is black just you have the
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blackest head i've ever seen on a white guy i do have a black like you are to look like a black like
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an albino that's what i am yeah you're an albino italian italian italian albino no you don't look
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albino italian albino is just a black guy i'm like scottish nordic that's close irish is close
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the nordic yeah like you see yeah you have like that that less ginger more your face looks like it's
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been through a lot of winters my face has been through a lot of shit it has been through a lot
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of shit you know what i mean you look like you should just be in a parka just with like
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yeah when you do acting you you do have like uh like um you got like drones like law and order svu
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i don't act i'm not a puppet you look famous like you look when i look at you i go i think that guy
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yeah you look like you design clothes i look like a famous person yeah looking like a famous person
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what do you think is involved in that in looking famous yeah um believing you're famous and believing
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you're living in a movie and you're the main character all the time it's narcissistic being
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a woman 100 sorry yeah you you chose the right word narcissism yeah just that's the full-blown
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narcissism yeah i'm the fucking center of the universe with like like a fucking like a hat on and
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like these like strapping at sunglasses and she's putting her jacket out like it's just like nobody
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knows who the fuck you are you know what i mean like i don't think that but you well now we know
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you just said it on a podcast the girl yeah that's why they do it so then it's like you you notice them
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and then you go three days you're like who the fuck was that bitch and then she's just still in your
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head i need to get okay i need to wear sunglasses 24 7 yeah i need a hat because straight up my head
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doesn't look very good no your head looks fine it's just your hair that makes it look bad get a
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bucket hat oh shit bucket hat and overalls i look like a retard so like a legitimate
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yeah i don't like those illegitimate does well yeah i mean a lot of people act kind of like that right
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now like that's that's also a thing like people like trans abled people like oh i'm autistic it's
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like no you're just you're just kind of boring you just have adhd oh yeah adhd stuff people are
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leaning on that now i don't know i have a lot of things i'm probably undiagnosed which is i self
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medicate so yeah so who knows what i have fuck that's just a never-ending thing in life you just
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basically just find out you're dying from more things until one of them gets you not really yeah
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what do you what do you think uh is is the best part about life like imagine not being a comedian is
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more fun than being a regular doing a stupid job person depends on the type of comic you are i mean
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there's a lot of comics that are depressed as fuck and and you know yes that 20 minutes they get on
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stage is like yeah we're on his podcast right now
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still are living a better life than people who are depressed doing like uh an office job or something
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some people are happy doing their office job it's true
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have you ever had that office office job i've always owned my own business i've been a
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ceo since how long have you been doing like comedy slash like when did the books
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so before that it was just like selling scrap metal
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that's right yeah yeah what'd you do before that i owned uh a couple tech companies sold them
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well there's been times where i haven't been balling
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there's been some low balling four months and i was homeless for three weeks and then i invented tesla
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yeah you were um i mean it was my fault that i didn't have the camera
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fucking but i kind of i like podcasts like this where you like sometimes a podcast should be
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i like how every time we have a mechanical failure you like convince yourself like
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this is how it should be this is a pure art form now this is the way it's real art now
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yeah with the camera you would just like am radio back in the day
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it's like news talk 10 10 this is real i think i'm gonna have to get my own um
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studio studio yeah why not you're balling the patreon basically covers it kind of half of
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just over half of it that's not bad it's better than not covering it at all
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thanks everybody and especially if they see the studio and they'll be like oh that's where our
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money's going to oh shit maybe i'll donate more in a box and then they all yeah then they all
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fucking why don't you get a sponsor bank of montreal or some shit scotia bank he's just yelling about
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trans people do you think i could trick them into thinking i was just like a gay activist like just
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like yeah like temporarily archive like all of my your whole instagram only post like 10 things
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where i'm like i'm gay and then just like maybe send it to them and then like get the contract
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take the money and then get sued switch it back just do one show in a dress on you just do one show
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in a dress and you're done you could be like i'm trans mic drop do a special should i wear a dress
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lose 30 000 followers i would love that i told you you should you should wear because it's like a
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yeah wear a moomoo with like the hat i come out as a trans comic i feel like people would be upset
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about that actually yeah because you're not a you wouldn't be a good looking woman my fans don't
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want that they want that for like five seconds and then i pull it off and i'm like i'm straight
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as fuck just kidding guys just did it for the government grants yo
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yeah the media fund there are government grants i mean we're basically doing this podcast from a
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government grant yeah this is we didn't get we at the library yo but what would you put in a studio
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stripper pool 100 stripper pool fuck i don't know if that that's bar a bar yeah it's it's like um
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a hundred square feet yeah okay so it's a stripper pool bar and then at least one hooker to snort
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cocaine off of like a little bar to like oh i know what you mean like an actual little bar
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yeah sure mini bar fully stocked fully stocked little miniature bottles of we'll hire a guy we'll
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hire a guy to come in i like this right we'll hire a guy to come in it'll be stocked we have red bulls
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liquid deaths dwarf toss fucking blow everything yeah i feel like i'm gonna have these get the guys
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who they're all like i don't know i want to talk about it but they're like dj they're like djs or
00:19:04.660
whatever oh so perfect so they'd be down they'd be like oh you guys want sparkling water only
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yeah i feel like my suite's gonna be the most extravagant probably your suite
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i don't know if it's yeah it's my studio suite my penthouse storage unit it's a fucking storage
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unit it's literally just like one of those like it's like an illegal storage yeah self-storage with
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like a i got a new way of making money it's exactly like this fucking library room though like pretty
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much but why don't we just but what if we just got i i suggested this before we're high ceilings
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what if we actually went to like a real storage space and just rented it for like a dollar a month
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what do you mean you can't they don't have any fucking outlets it's not like you can't bring a
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generator you can't sit in a storage unit you get a hotel how many times a month are you shooting a
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podcast you doing it daily or weekly yeah let's get rooms at the fairmont a hotel room yo here we are
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at the double tree building garden in yo just like in the lobby you know you're not wrong he's not
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wrong but i think it would come to the same price though if we because we're doing what it was four
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times well technically technically it's supposed to be eight times a month yeah but last week we
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fucked up okay so if you had a hotel room you could shoot twice in the time that you have the room
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hotel room it's going to cost you what 200 bucks so there's your 800 but you get to put that on your
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credit card and get points you can't put the studio on your credit card and get points
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you really are that's some fucking just jewish yeah there's that's that's the jewish credit card
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points whore i once got this is a true story i once got audited by cra when i was in the uh
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adult entertainment business for 10 years oh my god every every state you're like every statement's
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just like yes and i've been on the moon like everything just gets fucking like what the fuck
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i got audited by cra for having too many credits point for the toronto maple age at the time yeah
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i'm literally best friends with uh tim horton i actually was the one that invented double doubles
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oh my god i trademarked it i make a dollar off every cup when i quit the beatles i um are you liking
00:21:22.140
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00:21:28.320
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otherwise um there will be no food um for the child
00:21:43.680
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