Bankas Podcast - February 24, 2023


Mayor of Toronto ｜ The Bankas Show - #016


Episode Stats

Length

56 minutes

Words per Minute

177.55026

Word Count

10,041

Sentence Count

1,280

Misogynist Sentences

47

Hate Speech Sentences

80


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Ben Baggett is running for mayor of Toronto, and we're here to break it all down. He's running against John Tory, who's running for re-election because he's a douchebag.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Oh, fuck.
00:00:02.100 Welcome to the Bankist show.
00:00:06.000 We are here.
00:00:07.960 I am now running for mayor of the city of Toronto.
00:00:12.820 I'm going to immediately cancel the availability to creatives at the library, which is where we are.
00:00:22.200 We're going to cancel all funding for libraries.
00:00:26.020 Because there's too many books in here that are not about trans rights.
00:00:32.300 You just hate homeless people.
00:00:33.640 You don't want them to have somewhere warm to be.
00:00:36.520 Homeless people can be warm on the train.
00:00:39.440 We're going to legalize train hopping for industrial trains.
00:00:47.380 Bring it back?
00:00:48.160 Yeah, we're bringing it back.
00:00:49.300 We're going to open up all the industrial trains.
00:00:52.720 I don't know if that's a municipal thing.
00:00:57.040 As mayor of Toronto, I'm sending every homeless person to Vancouver.
00:01:00.500 As mayor of Toronto, we are sending the army to China to invade Beijing.
00:01:06.680 We're invading Spadina and Dundas.
00:01:10.320 Yeah, I don't know.
00:01:11.360 I don't really want to do this job.
00:01:13.080 No, you don't.
00:01:13.680 It's pretty funny because we got some pretty high-level Jewish guys in.
00:01:18.340 And they literally are just like, Ben, when you win, we're going to take over for you.
00:01:22.920 You're going to go on tour.
00:01:24.200 And you're just like, this is a way to get to 100K.
00:01:26.660 I don't give a shit.
00:01:30.000 If I could be mayor and do yuck yucks every night and get driven four blocks.
00:01:36.260 By the Secret Service.
00:01:37.540 In a suburban to yuck yucks to go in the back door to say.
00:01:41.180 I mean, I want you to win just because I would like a job in politics doing fuck all.
00:01:46.100 I should do video dubs of myself.
00:01:49.340 Oh, my God.
00:01:50.160 Let me stop.
00:01:51.920 I'm Ben Baggett.
00:01:53.120 I'm racist.
00:01:54.100 Ching-chong, ching-chong.
00:01:55.580 Just making fun of yourself, dude.
00:01:58.700 Yeah, I don't know.
00:01:59.860 I'm worried.
00:02:01.000 My biggest fear is winning.
00:02:03.040 Yeah.
00:02:03.840 And that would be really.
00:02:06.480 But it would be good.
00:02:07.860 I mean, I would have to.
00:02:08.980 I'd have to not take it, right?
00:02:12.580 Or would I just take it?
00:02:13.740 I think you take it and just get fired, bro.
00:02:16.460 I just want to fill out.
00:02:17.580 Like, I'd be like, yo, here's my direct deposit form.
00:02:20.540 Honestly, it would be really sick if you won.
00:02:22.860 If you won and immediately is like, you're like, yo, doggies.
00:02:25.880 Like, you just start talking like that.
00:02:27.400 That'd be pretty sick, too.
00:02:28.400 Everyone in Scarborough is like, yo, this is the sickest guy.
00:02:30.940 The only reason I wanted to be mayor was to meet Drake.
00:02:33.500 He won't answer my calls.
00:02:34.800 Somebody help me, doggie.
00:02:36.200 Like, where's press?
00:02:37.220 You'd definitely meet Drake if you were mayor.
00:02:40.140 John Tory's met Drake.
00:02:41.660 For sure.
00:02:42.460 John Tory.
00:02:43.060 Drake probably told John Tory to cheat on his wife.
00:02:45.920 Yeah, he was probably DMing him like, yo, should I do this?
00:02:48.760 Then Drake was like, fam, bro.
00:02:50.280 Like, your wife's beat.
00:02:53.480 I could see them hanging out.
00:02:55.060 And John Tory's like, well, one of my staffers is actually quite attractive.
00:02:59.060 Let me show you a picture of her forehead.
00:03:02.920 It's the size of Lake Ontario.
00:03:04.620 Well, I had sex with the Toronto Islands.
00:03:07.040 She looks like a Toronto Sun girl from 2006.
00:03:12.420 She was Mrs. Scarborough in 2009.
00:03:15.920 She's the last white Scarborough woman.
00:03:20.580 Yeah, I don't know what.
00:03:22.680 Yeah, that, what we just said alone is so funny that it could cause us to just win the election.
00:03:29.640 We should win.
00:03:30.940 There's no reason we shouldn't win.
00:03:32.020 And I just want to stop doing the podcast here.
00:03:35.860 We should keep doing it here if you win.
00:03:38.060 Just the mayor.
00:03:38.680 It's cheaper to run for mayor so that we have an office that we can then have a podcast in.
00:03:46.060 Literally.
00:03:46.640 Than rent a podcast studio in Toronto.
00:03:48.740 So we're basically running for mayor in order to have a podcast studio with a sick view, which is John Tory's office, which we're going to get rid of any.
00:03:59.900 Dude, we're going to smoke blunts.
00:04:00.860 We're going to allow smoking in the building.
00:04:03.220 I don't know how we.
00:04:04.020 We're going to bring.
00:04:04.540 We're going to bring back.
00:04:05.520 If you win, that should be one of your platforms.
00:04:07.120 If you win, you're going to bring back indoor smoking.
00:04:09.320 Yes.
00:04:09.680 You can smoke in bars again.
00:04:11.440 We need to talk about that.
00:04:12.700 Indoor smoking.
00:04:13.840 Bring it back.
00:04:14.880 Is coming back.
00:04:15.880 Just blunts.
00:04:17.100 Cigarettes.
00:04:17.280 There should be allowed to smoke cigarettes anywhere because everybody's retarded though.
00:04:20.160 So why not?
00:04:20.700 Yeah.
00:04:21.000 What the fuck?
00:04:21.980 Who cares?
00:04:22.700 Plus it makes the place cooler.
00:04:23.860 Can't you say that I've smoked cigarettes because I have like a trans ability?
00:04:30.500 I'm trans and I'm really stressed out, so I got to smoke these darts.
00:04:37.320 It would be cool to be mayor just to say that I don't know.
00:04:43.780 Maybe it's bad.
00:04:44.680 Just kind of just to be racist on an even bigger platform.
00:04:49.160 Yeah, pretty much.
00:04:54.080 I mean, the funniest thing is I'll say things that like everybody will agree with, but be
00:04:59.100 mad about because you're not supposed to say them, I guess.
00:05:01.500 Well, if you won mayor, there would be a situation when you have to talk to Teresa Tam.
00:05:08.340 And she'd call me and I'd go.
00:05:09.700 You have to.
00:05:10.460 I'd probably say I'm sorry.
00:05:11.900 No.
00:05:13.400 It's like what the Louis C.K. thing where he's like publicly I would never apologize,
00:05:17.060 but privately, privately, privately, I see them at a party.
00:05:20.860 I'm like, I'm sorry.
00:05:24.260 I don't see Teresa Tam go.
00:05:28.440 We'll be sick.
00:05:30.880 Actually, I just find I find racism is taboo.
00:05:36.140 So it's funny because it's like you're not supposed to do it, which makes it ten times
00:05:39.400 funnier.
00:05:39.860 It's like when you're in a class, you're in school when you're a kid, like you look at
00:05:45.160 your friend, you're like, yeah, you're not supposed to burst out laughing.
00:05:47.480 Yeah.
00:05:47.580 It's so fucking funny when somebody starts laughing and everybody starts laughing.
00:05:51.120 This is hilarious.
00:05:52.600 And of course, the teacher's like, you can't do that.
00:05:54.860 That's why we're doing it.
00:05:56.640 That's why it's funny.
00:05:58.200 You know, of course, nobody's going to take a video of Teresa Tam go.
00:06:03.260 So it's so fucking funny.
00:06:05.060 Who the fuck does that?
00:06:06.320 Only a mental patient does that.
00:06:09.040 But all the all the people you have to be funny to do that.
00:06:11.420 Like all my fans who weren't funny, you just comment things.
00:06:14.340 Yeah, I know.
00:06:15.200 Yeah, that is that is kind of it does.
00:06:17.160 I love them.
00:06:17.620 Thank you guys.
00:06:18.820 It's good for the algorithm.
00:06:20.500 You guys are great, but you're not funny, which is good.
00:06:23.200 I mean, people should really you shouldn't be funny.
00:06:25.860 It's not a good thing to be bad if they were as funny as you.
00:06:28.700 Being funny just makes you tired and horny all the time, I think.
00:06:31.640 Yeah, just tired.
00:06:33.240 And then you jerk off and then you go to sleep and then you wake up and you're just funny.
00:06:37.820 Yeah, you're funny.
00:06:38.540 Because there's cum all over you.
00:06:39.780 You're just covered in cum.
00:06:40.740 You're like, this is pretty funny.
00:06:42.060 Most funny people jerk off.
00:06:43.520 I guess I'll run for mayor.
00:06:44.960 There's not many funny like people who just aren't.
00:06:49.060 I guess I entertain.
00:06:52.100 I have a new bit about that.
00:06:54.440 But folks, the platform is pretty obvious that we're being hilarious.
00:07:00.760 We're parodying just a satire of politics, but also you should vote.
00:07:06.880 We're parodying left wing politicians who don't actually give a shit about any of the causes that they are pushing.
00:07:15.040 But they also don't give a shit about the consequences of pushing those policies because they're so desperate to get into office, which is just so embarrassing to me.
00:07:22.760 Because why would you be desperate?
00:07:25.040 All these people already have money.
00:07:26.420 They're lawyers.
00:07:27.080 They're doctors.
00:07:27.840 They have these gay jobs where they make tons of money and they do nothing.
00:07:32.820 And they just want to be mayor.
00:07:34.520 And it's like then they get in and they make all this woke bullshit that nobody wants.
00:07:38.580 And then they fuck their secretary.
00:07:40.680 Then they quit.
00:07:41.600 And then they put an even woker person in.
00:07:43.420 It's like, OK, somebody's got to stand up and be like, no.
00:07:47.000 You know, and I'm not I don't I'm not that person.
00:07:50.820 Chris Guy is that person.
00:07:52.560 Chris Guy.
00:07:54.160 People are like, you need a slander campaign against Chris Guy.
00:07:57.100 It's like, I don't even think really have to do much.
00:08:00.360 I don't think Chris Guy is going to get 25 signatures.
00:08:04.620 He might get 25 signatures.
00:08:06.820 He's probably going to be on the ballot.
00:08:08.040 But but is he going to beat Ben Bankis 63K on Instagram as of today?
00:08:18.680 It's a big it's a big bottle.
00:08:21.220 I mean, if he if his original Instagram never got deleted, he'd probably be at like 500,000.
00:08:26.160 Probably.
00:08:26.740 He's definitely way more like well-known.
00:08:29.060 Yeah.
00:08:30.220 Not necessarily for good reason.
00:08:32.100 Yeah.
00:08:32.280 But his name is out there, which means.
00:08:34.400 Yeah.
00:08:34.940 But I don't think he knows what he's talking about.
00:08:38.040 He's like, I'm going to get rid of corruption.
00:08:41.140 I'd say it's like, dude, what are you talking about?
00:08:43.900 I'm going to take advantage of corruption.
00:08:45.600 Yeah.
00:08:46.120 We're going to embezzle millions.
00:08:51.880 We're joking.
00:08:52.940 It's a comedy legally say that we're never joking, but we're going to do that.
00:08:57.600 No, I don't even know.
00:08:59.680 I don't even want to do that.
00:09:00.580 I just want a quick Sally, a quick, quick 180K a year salary.
00:09:05.580 And, you know, just still do Patreon.
00:09:09.520 Basically, all we're going to do is Patreon if I become mayor.
00:09:15.460 No, we're going to have a pot.
00:09:16.700 Everything's going to be exactly the same if I was mayor.
00:09:18.540 It's just going to be a better.
00:09:19.720 It's just going to be way sicker.
00:09:21.320 Even though this is we are in the mayor's office right now.
00:09:23.480 And funnier, because the new mayor's office is going to be at the library in Fort York.
00:09:30.700 It's going to be in the green room of Yuck Yucks.
00:09:32.860 In the black-only creative studio that they let us rent out.
00:09:37.360 Sorry, are you guys cardholders in black?
00:09:40.180 Are you making another advertisement for Backwoods?
00:09:42.880 Okay, unless you're doing a hip-hop rap video, I don't know if you can use this creative space today.
00:09:47.820 Yeah, when I rented it, they were like, what's the...
00:09:49.600 I don't think we have none of the good lights on.
00:09:51.720 No, we're not even going to use the green screen, I guess.
00:09:57.880 Yeah, we'll just leave it green.
00:09:59.820 No, I think that's why I did that.
00:10:02.140 Flip on some of those lights.
00:10:04.560 I've got to plug them in and shit, dude.
00:10:06.340 Are they plugged in? They're not plugged in?
00:10:07.740 No.
00:10:08.640 This one is, I think.
00:10:10.120 No, this one, this ring light.
00:10:11.300 You want me to turn the ring light on?
00:10:14.060 Fuck it.
00:10:16.880 What else did we want to talk about?
00:10:18.440 You and your Yuck Yucks journey?
00:10:22.160 Oh yeah, I'm half signed by Yucks.
00:10:24.920 We did the show at Lula Lounge and then we talked about that and all that.
00:10:29.160 We sold it out.
00:10:29.860 We just sold out Vancouver.
00:10:32.220 We added a second show, Vancouver, April 1st.
00:10:35.900 Surrey's almost sold out.
00:10:38.180 Calgary's almost sold out.
00:10:39.720 Edmonton's like half sold out.
00:10:44.460 So you're going to get a lot of experience doing stand-up.
00:10:48.320 Armin is, you know, he's my opener right now.
00:10:52.520 And he's been going to Yuck Yucks amateur night, grinding it out with the mentally...
00:11:00.560 The most mentally ill candidate.
00:11:02.500 But yeah, just crazy people, what you can imagine from a, like a...
00:11:08.740 Just letting random people email a club and giving them five minutes.
00:11:12.500 Yeah, people email in and then they get on the show and then they try to get to the next
00:11:19.040 level, which is getting a showcase.
00:11:21.400 And then if you get a showcase, Mark Breslin, the owner of Yuck Yucks, comes and watches
00:11:25.780 you and basically tells you either fuck off or come back again or you're signed or you
00:11:30.760 move to Wednesdays because amateur night's Tuesdays.
00:11:34.700 So Armin is now on Wednesdays, which is not really an accomplishment for me.
00:11:41.920 It's not.
00:11:42.740 To me, it's not.
00:11:43.340 It's not.
00:11:44.020 But to him, it is.
00:11:45.880 Not really.
00:11:46.740 Like kind of because it's better than nothing, but...
00:11:49.540 Well, it's good.
00:11:51.160 It's a reality check so that you know that, you know, you're still not good yet.
00:11:57.760 You know what I mean?
00:11:58.740 You're not...
00:11:59.340 Like, you're...
00:11:59.800 No, you're a good comic, obviously, but you need to get better.
00:12:03.500 Bro.
00:12:03.980 I'll...
00:12:04.580 Honestly, one day I'll be as good as Brian Hatt.
00:12:08.060 Yeah.
00:12:08.840 Well, Mark Breslin did fire Che Durena and Ryan Long and they're both...
00:12:13.340 Famous.
00:12:14.020 Famous and we're at the library.
00:12:16.100 Yeah.
00:12:16.780 Pretending to be the mayor of Toronto.
00:12:18.620 So I don't...
00:12:20.800 I feel like, you know, you are funny, though.
00:12:24.680 Like this tour is going to make you...
00:12:26.460 Like the problem with Toronto is it's...
00:12:28.920 You can't really do as many spots as some of these other places that people are at.
00:12:33.220 Like I think in Calgary even, like you can do like three, four spots a night.
00:12:37.340 Like they have one of these communities, comedy communities where people are like,
00:12:40.400 oh, yeah, you're on Yuck Yucks?
00:12:41.720 Like come through.
00:12:42.560 Like do a guest.
00:12:43.860 Like, you know, you can work on material.
00:12:45.440 So Toronto is just like the only place I can go is Yuck Yucks.
00:12:49.820 Nope.
00:12:50.100 There are no other amateur shows.
00:12:52.760 When I was coming up, there was tons of amateur shows.
00:12:55.380 There was like downtown in like the nightclub district.
00:12:59.040 There were shows.
00:12:59.800 I forget.
00:13:00.280 There was the office pub.
00:13:01.800 There was all these places.
00:13:04.160 Now the only places you can do comedy at are so woke that they won't allow me to do comedy
00:13:09.360 even though I have 60,000 followers.
00:13:11.960 They're like, oh, well, we don't like your...
00:13:14.600 You know, I'm the curator of this comedy show and we don't appreciate your...
00:13:18.800 It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:13:20.320 There's paying customers here.
00:13:21.760 I'm more famous than you.
00:13:22.900 You suck.
00:13:24.460 You can't even get a single fucking laugh in this bitch.
00:13:27.560 And you won't let pro comics on the show.
00:13:30.220 Like, of course, there's no comedy scene in Toronto.
00:13:34.080 I know.
00:13:34.580 Somebody, one of my fans messaged me.
00:13:36.140 They're like, they saw that I was at Yucks, but I hadn't posted it until I was there.
00:13:40.020 Right.
00:13:40.460 They're like, fuck, we wanted to go see you so bad, but we went to Comedy Bar instead and
00:13:44.440 it was terrible.
00:13:45.900 It was awful and it ruined my friend's birthday.
00:13:48.500 Oh, Lord.
00:13:48.640 And he's like, he's blaming you for not saying that you're going to be at Yuck X.
00:13:52.000 I'm like, I'm sorry.
00:13:52.820 I was hosting.
00:13:53.680 I didn't want you to...
00:13:54.580 Yeah, I see you just...
00:13:55.680 I didn't want you to come and see Freddy Proya headline.
00:14:02.500 Hey, this guy's been doing comedy since 1983.
00:14:07.740 He drove all the way from Woodbridge.
00:14:09.380 His third wife's mad at him for even taking this gig for $300.
00:14:14.640 He works at the deli counter of Metro.
00:14:18.560 Is that what he does?
00:14:19.400 No, that's Lenny Corrado.
00:14:20.680 That's another guy that just...
00:14:26.280 I don't know.
00:14:27.800 There's some of these comics that it's like they never move past the Wednesdays.
00:14:33.100 They're just on amateur night for like 15 years and you're like, bro.
00:14:38.500 Bro.
00:14:39.100 I don't know.
00:14:39.680 I don't know if...
00:14:40.360 Even if you get to the next stage here, I don't think this is...
00:14:43.740 It's sad because it's like, yo, if I wasn't good at comedy, I would do something else.
00:14:52.980 Yeah.
00:14:53.600 You know?
00:14:53.980 Like, I wouldn't just hang around because like, well, I really want it.
00:14:57.640 Really want it.
00:14:58.520 Well, but you don't want it that much because there are bad comics out there being successful.
00:15:04.740 Yeah.
00:15:05.040 So if you're shitty and you're not successful, it's not because you're shitty.
00:15:07.940 It's just because you really don't want it.
00:15:09.680 Yeah.
00:15:09.780 You're not working hard.
00:15:10.820 There's a ton of comics that aren't funny, but they like just worked hard and figured out
00:15:14.580 how to do standards.
00:15:14.860 They sell out of theater.
00:15:15.780 You get there and it's the worst comedy show you've ever seen.
00:15:18.300 You're like, how the fuck am I a fan of this person?
00:15:21.360 You know?
00:15:23.020 It's a reality.
00:15:26.140 Demoness.
00:15:26.980 Andrew Packer.
00:15:27.700 It would be cool if you won as mayor and then called out all the people you don't like
00:15:37.200 as mayor.
00:15:39.280 As mayor?
00:15:39.840 It's like my only beef is with comedians from Comedy Bar?
00:15:43.920 That'd be so fucking funny.
00:15:45.380 As mayor of Toronto.
00:15:47.300 Like at every event.
00:15:48.340 Also, Comedy Bar is a shit establishment.
00:15:51.000 Yeah.
00:15:51.200 Just completely slander everything.
00:15:54.060 Somebody just asked me to do.
00:15:55.320 Jacob Silverado asked me to do Comedy Bar.
00:16:00.260 Danforth.
00:16:00.960 Danforth.
00:16:01.520 Oh, do the Comedy Bar, but the one in the scary neighborhood.
00:16:04.560 Do it where there's stabbing.
00:16:06.320 I know.
00:16:08.440 Yeah.
00:16:08.740 I would.
00:16:09.140 It's probably better.
00:16:09.880 Comedy's better when there's people getting stabbed outside.
00:16:12.340 Yeah.
00:16:13.160 Let's be honest.
00:16:14.820 It's not better in a safer, nicer neighborhood.
00:16:17.580 It's better.
00:16:19.040 The best comedy clubs are in the worst neighborhoods.
00:16:23.160 This is untrue.
00:16:26.700 It's not really true, is it?
00:16:28.480 Maybe.
00:16:30.880 Comedy Bar is in a nice neighborhood in Ossington.
00:16:33.620 It sucks.
00:16:34.400 Royal.
00:16:35.720 Well, Yuck Yucks isn't like a nice neighborhood, but it's like still like downtown.
00:16:38.780 It's still scary because it's downtown.
00:16:40.600 Yeah.
00:16:41.080 It's not.
00:16:41.580 I like that.
00:16:42.220 Yeah, I guess not the ghetto, but that's true, especially in Toronto, because ghetto
00:16:47.480 people in Toronto have that, like they have like that, the Six Buzz accent, which really
00:16:53.100 is kind of like a Canadian hillbilly accent mixed with like Jamaican.
00:16:56.960 Yeah.
00:16:57.380 Like, oh, dog, farm, blop, boom, bop, beep, bop.
00:17:01.040 It's very just, it's really just, they have more in common with the small town people than
00:17:05.920 they realize, because in the small town, it's all like, oh, they're the fucking, hey,
00:17:09.940 like, fuck, doggy, old guy, oh, yeah, boom, bop, bop.
00:17:13.440 It's all the same shit.
00:17:14.940 It's just dumb people, really.
00:17:17.800 Yeah.
00:17:19.220 Which we love.
00:17:20.080 We love the poorly educated, as long as you give money to the show, patreon.com slash Ben
00:17:25.980 Bankus.
00:17:27.660 Our Patreon is not, we don't have enough people on there, and I need money because.
00:17:34.140 You have a child?
00:17:35.060 We have a child.
00:17:35.600 We're booking the tour out of pocket, obviously.
00:17:38.580 We're in a library.
00:17:40.540 We're doing podcasts in libraries.
00:17:43.760 So please support the show, patreon.com slash Ben Bankus.
00:17:49.140 I think it's like six bucks a month.
00:17:50.940 You pay for the whole year.
00:17:51.900 It's like 60 bucks.
00:17:53.520 And it really, really does help, because if I had even 1% of my, I don't know, I think
00:18:02.580 I have that.
00:18:03.480 But if I had like 5% of my followers, which is what?
00:18:07.420 Maybe like 1,000 people-ish?
00:18:08.980 2,000?
00:18:10.260 No.
00:18:10.760 Something like that.
00:18:11.680 60, like 12?
00:18:13.920 1,200?
00:18:15.780 Let's see.
00:18:16.660 What's 63,000 times .05?
00:18:23.520 3,100.
00:18:24.380 So if 3,100 people were on my Patreon for six bucks a month, that's $18,000 a month that
00:18:33.820 we'd be making versus what we're making on Patreon right now, which is like 400 bucks, 300 bucks
00:18:43.440 a month.
00:18:43.800 So, by the way, this is not a campaign, this is not campaign funding.
00:18:50.700 Legally, I have to say this, too.
00:18:52.700 This is funding for my comedy career.
00:18:56.900 We're not going to even, again, I don't want to run for mayor, but apparently I have to now
00:19:02.380 because some Jews are involved.
00:19:05.680 And they're going to figure out how we get funding through their Jew channels.
00:19:13.800 I'm going to contact Israel.
00:19:14.680 So, but this is my funding.
00:19:16.080 We need funding because I got to pay off the company credit card that I've used already
00:19:21.400 to pay for our flights to Victoria, BC, and then we got to rent a shitty Ford Edge and
00:19:31.340 drive four hours to Surrey the next day.
00:19:34.900 It's probably more like five hours.
00:19:36.780 Oh, God.
00:19:37.900 At least the weather would be nice.
00:19:39.160 Honestly, it's sick.
00:19:39.900 The ferry's sick.
00:19:40.900 It's a good drive.
00:19:42.180 Just take a couple of fucking edibles on the ferry.
00:19:45.620 Even driving to Edmonton or whatever, it's like, oh, it's going to suck, but it's probably
00:19:49.020 going to be nice going through the Rockies and shit.
00:19:51.260 The only shitty part, yeah, like driving from Calgary to Edmonton's boring because that's
00:19:55.060 like driving from Toronto to London or something.
00:19:57.340 Yeah, that's going to be ass.
00:19:58.700 But it's only two hours or three hours.
00:20:01.220 Yeah, that's not a thing.
00:20:03.060 Driving seven hours to Kelowna.
00:20:06.200 Well, it's not even going to be seven.
00:20:07.700 Seven from Vancouver.
00:20:09.120 We have a private gig in some Lancaster town.
00:20:12.400 By the way, we're for hire for private gigs.
00:20:15.740 DM me on Instagram.
00:20:17.540 Birthdays, weddings, funerals.
00:20:20.180 I have performed at a funeral before for a 94-year-old man.
00:20:25.840 Yeah, it was.
00:20:26.460 That's horrific.
00:20:27.260 It was a gig through Gig Salad, which was a thing at the time.
00:20:31.780 It was like a way to get gigs.
00:20:33.280 You just put your name on there and people would be like, I need a comedian.
00:20:35.860 And this guy, yeah, it was like these people, they're like, my dad died.
00:20:40.240 He's 94.
00:20:41.020 I thought it'd be funny if we got a comedian to do his funeral.
00:20:44.260 That person hated their father.
00:20:46.220 Dude, it was at like a golf course.
00:20:47.620 It was all old people.
00:20:48.420 It was all like 90-year-olds.
00:20:49.480 And I had to.
00:20:51.400 It had to just be funny.
00:20:52.580 Do comedy.
00:20:53.340 And it sucked.
00:20:53.980 And then there was a bagpipe guy that I was like smoking blunts with.
00:20:57.000 And then he like had to do it because there was like a Scottish person that died.
00:21:01.260 And then so the bagpipe came out and I was supposed to do a shot with the wife of the guy who died, who was like 80.
00:21:08.240 You had to fuck his wife?
00:21:09.660 Basically.
00:21:10.380 And then I was like, let's go to the strip club.
00:21:12.020 And nobody laughed.
00:21:12.940 And then it was just super awkward.
00:21:15.600 I'd been married for 45 years.
00:21:17.200 I was like, well.
00:21:18.300 But anyway, we are available for things like that.
00:21:22.360 Yeah.
00:21:23.120 If you want us to ruin your funeral.
00:21:26.240 Yeah.
00:21:26.440 If you want us to ruin any of your family events, we'll do it.
00:21:29.960 Remember when we ruined that Italian guy's birthday party?
00:21:33.440 Was that a birthday?
00:21:34.160 Yeah.
00:21:34.360 That was his birthday.
00:21:35.380 I remember that.
00:21:36.100 Some guy came to Yuck Yucks and watched me do stand up.
00:21:39.240 And then he decided to call Yuck Yucks the next day.
00:21:44.340 He's like, I want to buy that.
00:21:46.340 Yeah.
00:21:46.700 I want to buy that Jew.
00:21:48.620 How much?
00:21:49.820 And they're like, $700.
00:21:52.800 So for $700, I went to this random Italian's house.
00:21:57.420 And it was weird and awkward.
00:21:58.820 And there was like 12, 13-year-olds there.
00:22:01.580 And it was just like, be as dirty as you can.
00:22:04.280 I remember we brought Matt Baxter.
00:22:06.420 Oh, yeah.
00:22:07.000 Matt and I went to an after hours.
00:22:08.760 And we partied all night.
00:22:10.300 And I left at 5 a.m.
00:22:11.700 But he was there till like 4 p.m.
00:22:13.380 And didn't shower.
00:22:14.660 And the first thing he says when he gets the mic is like,
00:22:17.120 guys, I've been doing blows since 4, like, just scary children.
00:22:22.380 Anyway, so we are available for that.
00:22:24.160 Yeah.
00:22:24.660 If you want that.
00:22:25.120 Those types of things.
00:22:26.000 We can come to your house and do that.
00:22:27.460 So anyway, we're doing that on April 2nd.
00:22:31.120 And then April 3rd, basically, we're just going to be driving to Kelowna,
00:22:36.820 which is probably only going to be like six hours from there.
00:22:39.380 As long as there's no avalanches and we don't get buried underneath.
00:22:43.760 Or whatever.
00:22:44.800 Another train derails.
00:22:45.440 Boulder.
00:22:46.060 Hits us.
00:22:46.540 But then we'll arrive in Kelowna.
00:22:50.080 We'll do that show on the 4th.
00:22:53.160 Yeah, it's going to be the 4th.
00:22:56.260 I don't have.
00:22:57.040 Tickets are not available for that show yet.
00:23:00.620 Because.
00:23:01.660 I don't know.
00:23:02.540 No, because I'm dealing.
00:23:04.120 We have an option.
00:23:04.940 We could go to this one spot, which has like pool tables.
00:23:07.820 And it's like a sports bar type vibe.
00:23:10.480 Oh, yeah.
00:23:10.840 Which I don't.
00:23:12.000 I think we could do better in Kelowna.
00:23:13.860 But we're waiting on.
00:23:15.640 I have a contact there.
00:23:17.040 He runs a bunch of shit.
00:23:18.360 So we're waiting to find out about that.
00:23:20.480 But anyway.
00:23:21.280 From then we're going to drive from Kelowna to Calgary.
00:23:25.000 Which is like another seven and a half hours.
00:23:31.360 So that'll be our day on the 5th.
00:23:33.380 Just driving for seven and a half hours.
00:23:36.120 We'll drive for like.
00:23:37.440 Oh, yeah.
00:23:37.820 It's going to be bad.
00:23:38.700 It's going to be so bad.
00:23:39.860 But at least Brad might be able to drive.
00:23:43.180 Oh, yeah.
00:23:44.040 I forgot.
00:23:44.560 We're rolling with Brad Goss.
00:23:46.300 He's massive.
00:23:47.080 I feel like he's a good driver.
00:23:48.260 Anybody who's like 6'5".
00:23:49.180 I honestly just imagined he was going to take a private jet to like every gig we're doing.
00:23:53.080 Just land with a helicopter in front.
00:23:54.800 He's excited to have the full comedy experience.
00:23:58.280 I just want him to drive.
00:24:00.540 But it's kind of.
00:24:02.080 It's kind of scary because he looks like Frankenstein.
00:24:06.080 Looks like he stole the car or something.
00:24:07.640 Kidnap this.
00:24:09.080 You might have to drive because he's like too tall to sit in the back.
00:24:12.400 You're probably too tall to sit in the back.
00:24:14.760 I can sit in the back.
00:24:15.700 We just have to get rid of the 30 pounds of.
00:24:18.640 Anyway.
00:24:19.100 So then we got to drive from there to there.
00:24:20.600 Then we're driving to Edmonton the 7th.
00:24:30.080 Edmonton April 7th.
00:24:31.920 And then April 8th now we're switching.
00:24:34.600 And now it's going to be Red Deer April 8th.
00:24:38.140 Oh, shit.
00:24:38.740 And then it's going to be Fort McMurray April 9th.
00:24:45.800 Fuck.
00:24:47.660 Okay.
00:24:49.560 So.
00:24:50.040 The only thing I don't love about that is that I think that means that we have to drive.
00:24:57.420 Like south and north?
00:24:58.660 We have to.
00:24:59.140 Yeah.
00:24:59.860 Yeah.
00:25:00.120 That sucks.
00:25:01.140 It's going to suck.
00:25:02.080 But it's an extra gig.
00:25:03.360 And then drive past Edmonton.
00:25:05.000 We basically drive past Red Deer, go to Edmonton from Calgary, and then do that.
00:25:12.180 And then the next day drive to Red Deer, do that, and then drive back to Edmonton.
00:25:18.980 We're going to die.
00:25:20.280 We did book this really backwards.
00:25:23.860 Well, that's the yuck yucks portion that they, my yuck yucks agent was like.
00:25:29.120 Listen, we got some gigs for it.
00:25:29.960 We got an extra gig.
00:25:30.860 Well, what am I?
00:25:31.680 Yeah.
00:25:31.920 You're going to say no to money?
00:25:32.840 We don't have anything.
00:25:34.040 The 9th is like Sunday now.
00:25:35.480 So then we're going to have.
00:25:37.220 But then we'll have.
00:25:38.420 Then we have nothing till that whole week.
00:25:40.860 So we're going to have to figure out how the fuck to get to somewhere.
00:25:45.680 Oh, no.
00:25:47.440 I don't know.
00:25:48.100 Maybe we'll fly.
00:25:48.920 We might.
00:25:49.440 At that point, we might be like, let's fly from Fort McMurray to Saskatoon.
00:25:52.540 It's probably like a $60 flight, like a charter plane.
00:25:56.180 I feel like nothing's $60.
00:25:58.060 Like the cheapest Canadian flight is like $100, like 120 bucks.
00:26:02.840 Plus tax.
00:26:03.900 It's not like in the States where you can fly from like LA to Burbank.
00:26:07.120 Yeah.
00:26:07.260 But those are like the, like, that's what I mean.
00:26:08.800 Those are like shitty Flair Airlines though.
00:26:10.540 Don't we have something like that here?
00:26:12.120 We do.
00:26:12.720 We have Flair.
00:26:13.920 Do we, do we, what did we book our flights with?
00:26:15.700 Air Canada?
00:26:16.720 I don't know.
00:26:17.960 Something good.
00:26:18.780 Air Bangladesh?
00:26:19.340 Hello everyone, we are going to Van Gogh.
00:26:23.380 Air Tate.
00:26:24.500 Fuck.
00:26:25.020 I would get on Air Lines.
00:26:26.240 Let's get a private jet, dude.
00:26:27.380 Let's just get six more credit cards and get a jet for the tour.
00:26:33.040 So the point is, give me money.
00:26:35.600 This whole podcast is just an advertisement.
00:26:39.780 This whole, we don't even like doing this.
00:26:42.180 We just want money.
00:26:43.560 I do like doing this.
00:26:44.960 I just, I just hate constantly having to say, at least you set up today.
00:26:50.080 Cause that's, you need a fucking, we need a fucking studio.
00:26:53.740 I know.
00:26:54.820 Cause if I was making 18 grand a month, I would, I would get a studio.
00:26:58.620 I'd be able to afford a studio and an apartment.
00:27:01.300 Instead of living in a, in the corner of my dad's apartment.
00:27:05.060 Instead of a studio apartment.
00:27:06.840 I want, don't want to combine it.
00:27:08.320 Oh baby, I got a studio and an apartment.
00:27:11.040 Yo baby, come to my studio apartment at Ellesmere and Lakeshore.
00:27:15.280 Oh, I live at Warden 401.
00:27:17.300 Do a podcast once a month.
00:27:19.740 Oh, I went to King street.
00:27:20.720 I met this girl.
00:27:21.360 She didn't want to come with me back to Warden.
00:27:24.320 I know.
00:27:24.880 That's probably going to suck so bad.
00:27:26.380 Weston Road.
00:27:26.860 Meeting the hottest chick that wants to fuck a black guy and then just being like quiet.
00:27:30.200 They don't care.
00:27:31.160 Really?
00:27:31.600 They'd go to scary and scary?
00:27:33.080 If you're white, they wouldn't.
00:27:35.220 If you're, if you're like, hi, my name's Ben Bankus.
00:27:37.360 Would you like to go to my house at Weston and 401?
00:27:39.100 Well, yeah, because then they know you're poor.
00:27:40.980 Yeah.
00:27:41.380 They're like, damn, this guy.
00:27:42.300 Oh, he's got his own poor.
00:27:44.060 Oh, bro.
00:27:45.400 This guy's dukes out of the crib.
00:27:47.500 Oh, my dukes aren't allowed me.
00:27:49.520 Baby.
00:27:50.280 The mayor of Toronto lives at Weston and Warden.
00:27:53.080 The mayor of Toronto can't afford an apartment.
00:27:56.360 I want an honorary apartment in Scarborough.
00:27:59.540 Yeah, like a basement community housing.
00:28:02.480 The mayor of Toronto lives in a basement community housing.
00:28:04.960 Lives in a co-op unit.
00:28:06.380 Makes $18,000 a month from Patreon.
00:28:10.420 Doesn't do any mayoral work.
00:28:13.100 No, we're going to ask Jews doing everything.
00:28:15.720 Yeah, of course.
00:28:16.400 There's going to be articles.
00:28:16.860 That's a good mayor, though.
00:28:18.100 You don't want the Jews to run everything.
00:28:19.980 They were doing a great job so far.
00:28:21.380 Let me get in and let the Jews run it.
00:28:23.700 Exactly.
00:28:24.320 People want to act like, yo, the Jews are on a ting.
00:28:27.200 Kanye, yeah, well, Kanye would be poor if there was no Jews.
00:28:30.880 What would he be doing?
00:28:31.540 What would we have if we didn't have Jews right now?
00:28:34.480 We wouldn't have this library.
00:28:36.500 What's it called?
00:28:37.540 It's called the Moshe Epstein Library.
00:28:40.500 The fourth Yiddish library.
00:28:43.040 Moshe, Moshe.
00:28:45.840 But no, Jews invented the idea of doing stuff.
00:28:48.800 Podcasting.
00:28:50.060 Podcasts.
00:28:50.540 Jews invented podcasts.
00:28:52.960 We invented Patreon.
00:28:53.940 Didn't Tom Green invent podcasts or something?
00:28:57.100 I think so.
00:28:57.740 Well, he did the web show and then that.
00:29:00.220 See, if we had a sick studio where I was paying money and I almost got that one studio.
00:29:05.820 It wasn't cool enough, though.
00:29:06.840 It was kind of small.
00:29:08.580 I want to be real.
00:29:09.400 If we had fucking 18K, we could have a fucking.
00:29:12.020 A Drake studio.
00:29:12.920 We could have like a $1,500 a month studio where we could actually smoke in it, bring Tom
00:29:19.600 Green, bring.
00:29:20.880 Yeah, I know.
00:29:21.500 It sucks doing it here because it's like we have cool people we can bring on, but
00:29:26.480 just to look them in the eye and be like.
00:29:28.540 Yeah, you're in the library.
00:29:29.440 We're going to do it in the library, bro.
00:29:31.200 Yeah.
00:29:33.520 Don't mind looking out the window.
00:29:35.660 There's a homeless guy nodding off out there, but.
00:29:38.980 So, Tom, what was it like being married to?
00:29:42.760 I had a nap today.
00:29:43.940 I can't.
00:29:44.480 I don't like.
00:29:46.380 You're getting old.
00:29:47.680 You're taking like midday naps.
00:29:50.200 You get grumpy after nine.
00:29:51.040 I think it's when I get out.
00:29:53.440 I'm not in my spin.
00:29:55.660 Yeah, you haven't spun for a while.
00:29:57.360 Well, yeah, I spun last week, but I haven't spun and I'm not spinning enough.
00:30:05.500 I need to go to spin.
00:30:06.940 I need to be exercising more because then I canceled my gym membership today, actually.
00:30:11.860 Really?
00:30:12.160 With Vive?
00:30:12.740 Yeah.
00:30:13.920 This is just garbage.
00:30:15.080 I was just like, I can't.
00:30:16.040 It is a scary gym.
00:30:17.080 I can't go there anymore.
00:30:18.240 You're too famous for it now.
00:30:19.840 You need like Equinox.
00:30:21.380 Yeah.
00:30:22.000 You're Equinox level.
00:30:23.160 JCC?
00:30:24.180 Yeah.
00:30:25.340 Yeah, we should do JCC.
00:30:26.760 JCC is sick.
00:30:27.660 They got a sauna and basketball.
00:30:28.720 Now everybody knows that I work at JCC.
00:30:30.440 They don't know it.
00:30:31.260 Don't worry.
00:30:31.860 We'll bleep it out.
00:30:34.260 We'll go back.
00:30:34.760 I work out at the JCC at Spidaida and Bloor.
00:30:38.220 Yeah, if you're Jewish and have money, you can come see Ben.
00:30:40.680 Yeah, that'll all be bleeped.
00:30:44.380 But anyway, the place that I want to work out at has a sauna, which is important.
00:30:51.440 I was supposed to go there and pay for my membership today, but then I jerked off and fell asleep for two hours.
00:31:00.540 When you nap during midday, it is impossible.
00:31:04.180 You can set an alarm.
00:31:05.520 You are not hearing that alarm.
00:31:08.620 No.
00:31:08.860 Like in the morning, I'll hear an alarm, but midday nap, I don't hear alarms.
00:31:13.340 I don't hear phone calls.
00:31:14.960 I don't hear my child.
00:31:18.500 Well, that's the thing.
00:31:19.460 If I'm not with her, then I can nap.
00:31:21.480 Yeah.
00:31:21.660 If I'm with her, I don't nap, and then I just sleep soundly through the night.
00:31:26.120 If I'm not with her, then I stay up later.
00:31:28.560 I'm on my phone.
00:31:29.820 I'm not as...
00:31:30.320 And then I nap, and then so then I'm not as tired late again.
00:31:35.120 Coffee, too.
00:31:35.780 It's like every time I have a fucking coffee, I just feel exhausted after.
00:31:41.300 Like I feel like I have to just be either like just drink coffee all day long.
00:31:45.460 Like if I have a fucking big coffee in the morning, I'm just like so tired by like fucking 2 p.m.
00:31:52.720 Unless I have another coffee.
00:31:54.960 I want to have coffee.
00:31:55.920 Is that coffee that you have?
00:31:56.840 You want the rest of it?
00:31:57.740 It's like a tiny...
00:31:59.080 It's empty.
00:32:02.120 Look at you.
00:32:02.880 Look at you.
00:32:03.380 Good little Jew in training going to Aroma.
00:32:07.460 That's like I remember when Aroma started coming to Canada.
00:32:10.040 My dad was like, Aroma, you know, it's from Israel.
00:32:12.760 Don't kill me.
00:32:13.460 Is it really?
00:32:13.940 That's hilarious.
00:32:15.280 Our friend Mike is in Israel right now.
00:32:17.560 Who?
00:32:18.060 Cardus.
00:32:18.780 Why?
00:32:19.580 She's just being Jewish.
00:32:20.920 He's in Israel right now?
00:32:21.800 Yeah, he's in Israel.
00:32:22.280 He's in Tel Aviv.
00:32:23.120 I don't know.
00:32:24.140 He's Jewish.
00:32:25.100 You know Mike.
00:32:27.040 Mike is our friend that all he does is try and find Jewish women to marry him.
00:32:32.280 He'll tell you that any woman is a Jewish.
00:32:34.720 Even if she's Indian.
00:32:35.720 Her name is like Kenya Johnson.
00:32:37.380 You'll be like, hey, that's kind of Jewish.
00:32:39.220 Kenya.
00:32:39.940 Kenya.
00:32:40.580 Your name is Zizong.
00:32:42.600 Zizong.
00:32:43.280 Jewish.
00:32:44.540 You're Jewish.
00:32:45.400 Where are you from?
00:32:45.860 Beijing.
00:32:46.940 You know, that used to be part of Jerusalem.
00:32:48.720 You know, that was Beijing.
00:32:52.220 Started Beijing.
00:32:54.080 Hey, Beijing.
00:32:55.100 Jews invented the spring rolls.
00:32:56.920 You know, you know, Jews.
00:32:58.060 Oh, my.
00:32:58.320 Look at this woman just judging us for doing a podcast.
00:33:00.940 She's like.
00:33:01.160 Are you just being funny in a room right now?
00:33:03.760 Are you too?
00:33:04.240 I am a fucking lesbian.
00:33:05.820 I don't agree with that.
00:33:06.940 The last time I heard my pussy eating.
00:33:08.720 It'd be funny if everybody out there could just hear everything we were saying.
00:33:11.440 That'd be awesome if they were just broadcasting it to the whole library.
00:33:14.460 It's pretty quiet out there.
00:33:15.760 And we're just like.
00:33:16.720 I'm running for mayor.
00:33:19.240 John Tory had sex with a 22 year old.
00:33:23.240 She was like 31.
00:33:24.240 She was pretty hot.
00:33:25.240 Was she hot?
00:33:25.740 I mean, like, she was hot for him.
00:33:28.080 She looks like her parents have, like, a cottage.
00:33:30.540 Yeah.
00:33:32.320 Well, she was like.
00:33:33.300 Imagine her parents, like, are just like, you fuck John Tory.
00:33:36.660 It's so weird.
00:33:37.840 Oh, my God.
00:33:39.920 I don't know.
00:33:40.920 Would you be proud of your kid that fucked a mayor?
00:33:44.400 No.
00:33:46.100 I think it's.
00:33:47.020 I don't know.
00:33:48.320 Maybe if you had a son.
00:33:49.420 That's why you let your kids do things that they actually like in life.
00:33:53.360 And you don't pressure them to, like, get degrees and stuff.
00:33:55.600 Because then you pressure them to get degrees and shit.
00:33:58.180 And then they end up in the mayor's office as a staffer, which is nobody's dream ever.
00:34:02.540 And then they end up being like, well, I guess I'll suck the mayor's dick.
00:34:05.060 Because I didn't do anything that I actually was passionate about in life.
00:34:08.980 Can you just imagine John Tory getting his dick sucked?
00:34:12.900 Yeah.
00:34:13.600 I love this.
00:34:15.620 Oh, my God.
00:34:16.820 I'm so happy.
00:34:17.780 I'm shooting on Eleanor.
00:34:19.420 What's his.
00:34:20.040 I don't fuck.
00:34:20.840 Barbara.
00:34:21.560 I remember seeing this.
00:34:22.480 Oh, Barb.
00:34:22.960 Barb.
00:34:23.540 Oh, yeah.
00:34:23.840 It's his wife named Barb.
00:34:25.160 That's a very easy name to cheat on.
00:34:27.580 Oh, Barb's on here.
00:34:28.660 Yeah.
00:34:29.000 Barbara.
00:34:29.580 Whoa, Barbara.
00:34:30.420 You're making me calm.
00:34:31.620 Oh, Barbara.
00:34:33.120 What the fuck?
00:34:33.880 Yeah.
00:34:34.060 If your name's Barbara, you're getting cheated on.
00:34:35.580 I saw, like, on CP24, they were like, how could he do this?
00:34:38.700 He's been married since 1976.
00:34:41.260 It's like, yeah, that's why he could do it.
00:34:43.740 He's been married since 1976.
00:34:46.740 The same pussy for 50 years.
00:34:48.520 He's done.
00:34:49.200 He's tired.
00:34:50.520 And there's this young blonde chick that's like, I just really want to get into education
00:34:54.500 and make kids trans.
00:34:56.120 I'll suck anyone's dick.
00:34:57.480 Yes.
00:34:58.100 Of course.
00:34:59.260 Of course.
00:35:00.520 Good for John.
00:35:01.320 I'm happy for him.
00:35:02.380 I honestly hope he doesn't resign.
00:35:04.080 I didn't want him to.
00:35:04.860 I was going to vote for him now.
00:35:06.500 He's got my respect.
00:35:07.780 I would have voted for him if I wasn't running for mayor.
00:35:10.520 Well, yeah.
00:35:10.980 I mean, now I have to vote for him.
00:35:12.400 Actually, I can't vote for you, actually.
00:35:13.900 I'm in your part.
00:35:15.200 Yeah, you can.
00:35:16.280 Oh, really?
00:35:16.860 Okay, sick.
00:35:17.240 I can vote for myself, I think.
00:35:19.820 Politics is-
00:35:20.380 Can't you?
00:35:21.440 Honestly, it's so funny.
00:35:22.900 Like, being a comedian is way fucking harder than getting into politics.
00:35:27.320 Like, me getting into Wednesdays on Yucks, way harder than fucking you becoming mayor.
00:35:33.900 It took me like-
00:35:34.980 It's been one day.
00:35:35.900 It's been-
00:35:36.580 We've done nothing.
00:35:37.240 All we did was two videos.
00:35:38.440 Two videos that did better than-
00:35:39.980 Oh, shit.
00:35:40.360 Roman.
00:35:40.680 Are these the Babbers fucking-
00:35:41.920 There's like people staring at us right now.
00:35:44.380 Listen, I don't want to vote for you because I'm stinky and-
00:35:48.540 Listen, I farted right before-
00:35:50.480 God, this woman's just pulling a knife out.
00:35:53.020 There's like a fat Indian woman with a team.
00:35:56.600 What done?
00:35:57.460 Coffee.
00:35:58.080 I brought it from work.
00:35:58.740 And she's standing at the end of the hallway and she does not-
00:36:01.740 These guys look like they're complaining to the-
00:36:03.420 Oh, there's like crackheads.
00:36:06.020 There's like crackheads complaining that we're too loud.
00:36:08.500 They're like, oh, doggy, I'm trying to nod off on heroin right now.
00:36:11.420 I heard this guy being a racist in a room-
00:36:14.780 I heard this bomb-a-clot John Tory.
00:36:18.620 You know John Tory, bomb-a-clot.
00:36:22.600 Fuck, dude.
00:36:23.980 I like all the people that are like, now you just smoke crack.
00:36:28.300 Yeah, I love the people that still bring up Rob Ford.
00:36:30.340 Why can't I just smoke weed and be the mayor?
00:36:33.340 Is that even like-
00:36:34.060 Oh, my God.
00:36:34.440 People will just rip a bog as mayor.
00:36:36.080 How often do you smoke weed?
00:36:37.880 Like every day.
00:36:38.700 No, like, if I was mayor, I'd get like a bong in the fucking Oval Office.
00:36:43.900 No, mayor backwards.
00:36:45.100 I don't even know if it's an Oval or not.
00:36:47.600 Everybody has sweatpants here.
00:36:49.080 I feel-
00:36:49.420 Yeah.
00:36:49.580 I just don't know I wore sweatpants.
00:36:50.960 I'm like, every single fucking loser at this library is wearing sweatpants.
00:36:53.240 Yeah, bro, it's mid-date the library.
00:36:55.040 No one's employed here.
00:36:55.100 I actually feel less like I'm getting robbed the way I dress today to come here.
00:36:58.820 Yeah?
00:36:59.120 Because I look more like I belong here, yeah.
00:37:01.360 You do look like you belong-
00:37:06.380 Like you're studying-
00:37:07.220 Belong in a library?
00:37:08.260 You're like George Brown business course.
00:37:10.600 30-
00:37:10.800 Studying how to take care of three dogs and a baby.
00:37:15.620 Do you have any books on how to kill yourself?
00:37:17.960 Do you have any books on how to get people to follow me on Patreon?
00:37:22.560 Patreon for dummies.
00:37:24.920 All you got to do is get on the road, and zine.
00:37:27.180 Yo, listen.
00:37:29.080 Yeah, exactly.
00:37:30.220 Oh, I'm Nima Naziri.
00:37:31.220 I'm going to pretend to be Joe Rogan to get on Joe Rogan.
00:37:34.020 Listen, this funny where I put on a bald cap and I go, yo, doggie, I'm Joe Rogan.
00:37:38.220 Listen, I've been doing comedy for 26 years.
00:37:41.200 Yo, it's me, Nima Naziri.
00:37:42.680 You want to see a picture of my morbidly obese mother again with a bald cut?
00:37:47.960 Yo, mom, quick, take the hijab off.
00:37:49.800 We're filming a sketch.
00:37:53.480 Yo, mom, take that shit off, bro.
00:37:55.300 Six Buzz don't like that.
00:37:56.540 They don't read that thing, fam.
00:37:58.820 Read that off.
00:38:00.560 Yo, mom, can you?
00:38:01.860 It's funny because I'm-
00:38:03.160 Yo, mom, it's a no-controller dancer.
00:38:05.500 What's the-
00:38:05.800 Oh, no.
00:38:06.920 Yo, mom.
00:38:07.420 Kiki, do you love me?
00:38:08.480 Three, two, one, go.
00:38:09.880 Kiki, are you obese?
00:38:12.240 I have not had sex with your father since you started comedy.
00:38:15.740 I know.
00:38:16.200 It's funny because I'm Persian, too, so it's like I just know that-
00:38:19.940 Your mom's, like, hot.
00:38:21.100 Yeah, my mom's cool.
00:38:22.140 I bet if I-
00:38:22.760 I don't even want to put her in a video.
00:38:24.320 Yeah, everyone's just going to be like, I want to fuck this guy's mom.
00:38:26.600 My mom has dementia.
00:38:27.600 Like, I-
00:38:28.240 Like, I'm-
00:38:28.840 If Nima had my mom, he would just be like, yo, dad, be over here, yo.
00:38:34.240 Fuck it.
00:38:36.720 Yo, yo, quick, quick.
00:38:37.700 Mom, I have, like, 40 fucking thousand-
00:38:40.280 Yo, mom, up top.
00:38:41.440 Just fucking, just like a dog.
00:38:45.920 Well, mom, do this dance real quick.
00:38:47.680 Just leaves her in the fucking room.
00:38:49.700 And this morning in China, there was another 25,000 murders.
00:38:53.120 Nobody even knows who we're talking about.
00:38:54.100 No, no one knows.
00:38:54.540 So bad.
00:38:55.340 I know, we're just being assholes.
00:38:58.900 It's all just cut out.
00:39:00.220 Yeah, I know.
00:39:00.600 We can't talk about that.
00:39:01.720 It's all fun and games, so-
00:39:03.640 Until you win, Mare, and then this is all used against you.
00:39:06.240 Until somebody loses an apartment.
00:39:08.380 Until fucking someone offers me $25 million to slander you.
00:39:13.320 That's Mare.
00:39:15.940 I'm in with Sonia de Yucks if you say Ben Beck is called your Paki, is Mare.
00:39:21.720 Well, tell Breslin you're great.
00:39:27.300 Yeah, I don't think my career's going that well.
00:39:29.680 That's probably why I've been running for Mare.
00:39:31.900 No, your career's going great.
00:39:33.400 You're just impatient.
00:39:35.240 I'm like, should I run for Mare?
00:39:36.580 Yeah, no, you're like-
00:39:37.680 I don't want to run.
00:39:38.180 You were at like 12K when I first started rolling with you, and now you're at 60K, and
00:39:42.260 you're like, it's going to be half a year to 100K.
00:39:44.600 I guess I've got to be prime minister.
00:39:46.700 I'm like, just fucking keep making videos and write a new hour.
00:39:50.500 I don't actually want to do these things, but-
00:39:52.180 It's funny too, though.
00:39:52.760 I think it should get people thinking like, oh my God, maybe he actually could, which
00:39:56.240 is fucked up.
00:39:56.780 It's like, well, why doesn't anybody who else is smart and want to do anything?
00:40:00.080 It's fucking hilarious.
00:40:01.260 That's why all the politicians are dumb, because the only people who want to do politics are
00:40:04.980 basically just clowns.
00:40:06.460 Well, I always thought politicians were people that wanted to be famous, but they just had
00:40:10.980 no talent.
00:40:11.660 So they're like, what can I do?
00:40:12.900 Oh, just manipulate people.
00:40:14.240 No, that's comedians.
00:40:15.640 Oh, no.
00:40:16.820 That's us?
00:40:17.640 How long have we done?
00:40:21.260 How long until I can leave this environment?
00:40:23.480 I know.
00:40:24.960 I hate this fucking library so much, man.
00:40:28.680 It's pretty sad.
00:40:30.720 Everyone's here.
00:40:31.240 Every time I park here, there's like cops like staring at me like, I know you're high
00:40:34.820 driving.
00:40:35.300 I can see the doll in your backseat.
00:40:36.600 I know.
00:40:36.880 Whenever I'm like waiting for you at this library, I feel like at some point they're
00:40:39.680 going to ask me if I'm like holding drugs.
00:40:41.540 I'm trying to sell like crack.
00:40:43.140 Yo, how come people keep coming in and out of the podcast studio, doggy?
00:40:47.940 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:40:48.960 4 p.m.
00:40:49.900 I'm trapping out the library.
00:40:52.560 I'm sure multiple people are selling drugs in here right now.
00:40:55.220 Oh, 100%.
00:40:56.140 Maybe not this library.
00:40:57.300 Maybe a shittier library.
00:40:58.800 Yeah.
00:40:59.320 This is kind of like a...
00:41:00.460 This is a nice white library.
00:41:01.840 We've hired every Indian security guard from Eaton Center to work here at...
00:41:06.200 We have half of York Hill Mall.
00:41:07.720 Royal Bank.
00:41:09.460 Fort York.
00:41:10.440 Royal York.
00:41:11.300 Shitter York.
00:41:12.060 Fort York.
00:41:12.740 Fort York.
00:41:14.060 This is where the white people used to live.
00:41:16.120 Now it's where all the Indians live.
00:41:19.780 If you're an Indian, you don't want to live in Brampton.
00:41:22.400 You live at Fort York.
00:41:23.440 You want to live in a condo?
00:41:25.640 You want to live in 400 square feet for $9,000?
00:41:29.960 400 square feet?
00:41:31.240 By annual?
00:41:32.060 40 relatives.
00:41:34.320 Do you want to live with your whole family inside of the Fort York building?
00:41:38.560 Daniel Boardman's like, can you stop saying things like that?
00:41:44.680 Because we really are.
00:41:45.880 We're running for office.
00:41:47.560 I know.
00:41:48.120 Daniel Boardman.
00:41:50.180 Daniel, if people don't know, Daniel Boardman is a guy you used to go to Queens with and then
00:41:54.680 he failed as a comedian and now he's...
00:41:56.400 That I used to go to Queens with, yeah.
00:41:57.880 And now he's a conservative journalist.
00:42:01.500 Pundit?
00:42:02.000 Yeah.
00:42:02.500 And he really wants Ben to win because it'll save his career.
00:42:06.140 Yeah.
00:42:06.400 Because he got sued by some guy for like...
00:42:08.840 Saying the N word or something?
00:42:09.800 600 grand for calling him a terrorist.
00:42:13.240 Oh my God.
00:42:14.500 He got fucked.
00:42:15.660 Yeah.
00:42:15.940 So now he's like, please, Ben, we need this one for me.
00:42:20.260 I'm going to coffee.
00:42:21.180 This is why I want my own studio.
00:42:22.340 I want to have like a fucking mini bar.
00:42:24.020 I want to have a drink.
00:42:24.800 I know.
00:42:25.000 We need to have like just like a...
00:42:26.380 Every time we do a podcast, it's like we just show up and we're like...
00:42:29.380 And then 20 minutes later, we're like, okay, hi, welcome to the show.
00:42:36.580 Welcome.
00:42:37.080 We're totally not stressed and angry.
00:42:38.720 I know.
00:42:40.460 Or something horrible happens in my personal life.
00:42:43.480 And then I show up and I'm just like, fuck, I don't want to talk about the balloon.
00:42:46.740 I have my girl like just an argument before I came here and I'm like, fuck, I got to do
00:42:51.300 the podcast.
00:42:52.040 I have a coffee and a cigarette.
00:42:53.700 Well, you shouldn't have said that.
00:42:55.140 Oh, I know.
00:42:56.000 She listens to this.
00:42:56.920 It's fine.
00:42:57.700 It's fine.
00:42:58.220 Oh, yeah.
00:42:58.720 Sure.
00:42:59.080 Yeah.
00:42:59.540 It's fine.
00:43:00.560 It's never fine.
00:43:01.580 It's never fine.
00:43:02.360 Can't talk about anything.
00:43:03.400 Can't.
00:43:03.800 No.
00:43:04.180 Well, you're a comedian.
00:43:04.980 Do you want to talk about your life?
00:43:06.800 Can't.
00:43:06.900 You can talk about it on stage.
00:43:07.800 You're going to ruin it if you talk about it.
00:43:10.940 Yeah.
00:43:11.560 And I, uh, your, your girlfriend came to support you.
00:43:14.660 Yeah.
00:43:14.820 She did come to on Tuesday, which was sweet of her, her and her cousin.
00:43:18.280 They want to.
00:43:18.960 It's funny.
00:43:19.560 Just like seeing a 23 year old try to like be explained like the dream of a comedian,
00:43:24.120 like a 23 year old girl.
00:43:25.360 Cause you're just like, so like I come here every week and then like what now I can do
00:43:30.680 instead of Tuesday, I come on a Wednesday.
00:43:33.720 She was asking me, she was like, so are you signed or like, what is this?
00:43:37.000 Do you get paid or?
00:43:37.480 And they're like, no, but like they're going to like use my free labor to like attract more
00:43:44.360 people to come to the team.
00:43:46.180 No, I know they don't get it.
00:43:48.500 But yeah, no, it's well, cause paying your dues, women don't really, women don't have
00:43:52.980 to pay their dues.
00:43:53.460 I mean, they do if they're really passionate about something and like, you know, that's
00:43:56.900 why I want my daughter to fucking play violin or something where it's like you pay your
00:44:00.740 dues.
00:44:01.060 You, you have to practice, you have to do these things.
00:44:03.340 You got to do stuff.
00:44:04.460 But you know, if you just, if you're just, your dream is being hot, being hot and you're
00:44:10.260 already hot and people just want to fuck you.
00:44:12.480 I mean, you're not, what is paying your dues?
00:44:14.680 Like there's no sucking a dick.
00:44:16.580 Not really.
00:44:17.640 No, but that's kind of the do, I guess.
00:44:19.860 If the guys actually, well, but a lot of those aren't like, weren't like, no, only if
00:44:26.920 you're married to some guy and that's true.
00:44:30.120 I guess you're right.
00:44:30.820 Yeah.
00:44:30.960 I guess if you're just going on sucking random dicks, that's not paying dues for
00:44:36.060 anything.
00:44:36.380 That's just being stupid and, you know, sucking too much dick, I guess, or not enough.
00:44:43.700 I don't know.
00:44:44.100 It depends on what side of the spectrum today was, there's like, what am I like?
00:44:49.980 And I shouldn't even look at this shit, but one of my followers whose profile picture
00:44:53.880 is literally just like a dog.
00:44:55.900 Oh no.
00:44:56.840 And he's just like, this guy's a phony.
00:44:59.000 I listen to his podcast and he's a liberal and he's left wing.
00:45:03.920 And I'm like, you're actually retarded.
00:45:07.420 But like, compared to somebody who's so far right that they don't enter.
00:45:11.980 But it's like, if your picture, if your profile picture for any social media is like your dog
00:45:16.680 or like you with a mask on or one of those, or like your leg or like, you know, shitty
00:45:23.900 quote, car or anything like that, you don't deserve to have an opinion.
00:45:28.360 You're not a smart person.
00:45:30.300 You're not confident enough to have a proper social media picture.
00:45:35.400 You're just a loser.
00:45:36.220 And nobody cares what you think, no matter what.
00:45:40.340 But there are people on both sides like that.
00:45:41.940 There's people on the right with a picture of their dog and there's people on the left
00:45:44.740 with a picture of your dog.
00:45:45.780 Also, all the boomer women on Facebook that comment on my shit, they go, if this isn't
00:45:51.600 a comedy, I'm worried about how horrible things are getting.
00:45:56.400 And you have a blurry picture that somebody took of you and you live in some shit small
00:46:01.040 town with bad internet, shut the fuck up, delete Facebook, go like either go hang out
00:46:08.300 with your family or kill yourself because nobody cares about you at all.
00:46:14.600 And yes, please buy tickets to the show, support on Patreon.
00:46:18.320 This is where we would care about you, boomers.
00:46:21.820 And like all the boomers, I don't know how many boomers, I want to know how many boomers
00:46:25.820 listen to this podcast, how many Gen Zs, how many millennials, how many Gen X.
00:46:31.040 But why are these people not listening and supporting?
00:46:37.400 If you're a boomer, you need to give me money because you have too much money.
00:46:42.200 Yeah, you're going to die soon.
00:46:43.400 You're dying.
00:46:44.680 You don't want to give it to your kids.
00:46:46.380 If you're a boomer, you need to start giving me money on a monthly basis.
00:46:50.900 You have too much money.
00:46:51.980 You have a house that you paid off.
00:46:53.700 You have a mortgage that you paid off.
00:46:55.540 You have equity.
00:46:56.660 You have stocks.
00:46:57.840 You have, you know, what's the other shit that they have?
00:47:02.040 Not bonds.
00:47:03.240 Manulife, financial, whatever.
00:47:05.300 You have things that come in the mail every month.
00:47:08.840 If you're a boomer.
00:47:09.880 Oh, pension.
00:47:10.280 And you open it and it says how much money you have.
00:47:14.920 So $6 a month, you can pay me on Patreon.
00:47:22.160 This is not going towards the mayoral campaign.
00:47:25.660 This is going towards my personal finances so that I can afford to do the podcast, not in a public library where there's people overdosing right next door.
00:47:37.300 That's my PSA to the boomers.
00:47:39.080 My PSA to the Gen Xers.
00:47:41.980 Same thing.
00:47:43.160 You have too much money, too.
00:47:45.060 Everybody except millennials has money, basically.
00:47:47.540 Basically.
00:47:48.160 Millennials are poor.
00:47:49.160 Gen Z is rich somehow.
00:47:51.000 Because of their parents and then crypto being sluts.
00:47:54.820 Yeah.
00:47:55.240 That's really it.
00:47:56.000 It's like if you're my age, you have money.
00:47:57.880 Every fucking 23-year-old girl is like, I have like 30 grand in my bank account.
00:48:01.040 I don't know why.
00:48:01.900 I don't know.
00:48:02.340 Because I'm a whore.
00:48:02.920 Yeah, literally.
00:48:05.140 And every dude's like, I have fucking $300.
00:48:09.000 I have 300 bucks.
00:48:10.860 I'm going to go with Spanx.
00:48:12.200 Just give me 20 bucks.
00:48:13.480 I'm doing a fucking hula lounge.
00:48:14.660 And every 23-year-old girl is like, I don't know.
00:48:19.080 Should we go to Ibiza again?
00:48:21.260 I know.
00:48:21.980 Yeah.
00:48:22.280 It's like I just spent like three months in Paris because my mom died and I was really
00:48:25.280 sad.
00:48:26.560 It's the worst.
00:48:28.480 How come every, yeah, every time, every girl that you date, their grandma dies, I feel
00:48:33.060 like, when you date them.
00:48:35.020 Yeah.
00:48:36.840 Yeah.
00:48:37.740 Every girl.
00:48:38.300 It's like, my grandma's dad again.
00:48:40.600 I feel like that's just an excuse.
00:48:42.360 Yeah.
00:48:42.600 It's just on my grandma's dad.
00:48:44.160 She's just sucking some guy's dick.
00:48:46.600 I don't know.
00:48:47.000 My grandma died at 3 a.m. at fucking John in Richmond.
00:48:54.660 I sucked a dick outside Rudy Burger.
00:48:57.780 Yeah.
00:48:59.420 I sucked a dick in an alleyway last night and my grandma died.
00:49:02.500 I don't know.
00:49:03.440 I don't think it was related.
00:49:04.640 So, yeah.
00:49:09.640 Otherwise, like, what's the next level?
00:49:11.240 I'm going to have to start flying balloons around.
00:49:13.220 I'm going to be mad.
00:49:14.360 People are still not giving me money.
00:49:15.900 What's going on?
00:49:16.540 Is this not funny where you're not entertained for?
00:49:21.500 Now, whether you're listening to, you're listening to Tim Dillon, you're listening to, you're
00:49:25.160 listening to Joe Rogan.
00:49:26.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:29.380 Joe Rogan, who's an anti-Semite.
00:49:31.120 He doesn't like the Jews.
00:49:32.680 I know your dad hates Joe Rogan.
00:49:34.500 I don't know why, but, yeah.
00:49:36.060 My dad liked Joe Rogan, and then he's on some weird Jewish Facebook psychotic boomer bullshit.
00:49:44.680 Some WhatsApp group.
00:49:46.280 Some, like, five-second clip where Joe Rogan's like, oh, well, the Jews do like money, don't
00:49:52.920 they?
00:49:53.260 I'm like, that's like, so I like money?
00:49:55.180 You think I like money?
00:49:56.120 I'm like, yeah.
00:49:56.720 All you talk about is money.
00:49:58.440 You actually tried to ruin our relationship because I wanted to be a comedian.
00:50:02.220 You wanted to go to Midas.
00:50:03.900 Yeah, because I wanted to go to Midas instead of some Russian Jewish mechanic.
00:50:07.360 Some, like, Russian guy that stole these parts off his shipping container.
00:50:11.400 It's like, oh, $9, $1,500?
00:50:12.860 You're going to go to Midas?
00:50:14.080 You want to go to Kaikas?
00:50:17.360 Go to Kaikas.
00:50:20.540 My Kaikas.
00:50:21.700 You don't want to get your coffexed by a Jew?
00:50:23.800 Listen, you know that Jews are the best mechanics.
00:50:26.320 You want to get your coffexed by a half Filipino, half Fijian?
00:50:30.280 The Indian guy that speaks Filipino?
00:50:31.940 You want to get your coffexed by the faggy German guy?
00:50:34.700 Some guy that works at the library?
00:50:36.820 Do auto tech courses at Central Tech?
00:50:38.900 Now he works at Midas?
00:50:39.740 Yeah, maybe I should do a spin today.
00:50:44.200 That'll cheer you up.
00:50:46.000 Yeah.
00:50:46.260 I want to do, like, spin or other ship today.
00:50:48.700 I could go for other ship.
00:50:50.040 Let's do other ship.
00:50:51.020 I have to get my swimsuit, but I'm down.
00:50:54.600 Other stink.
00:50:56.300 Not all over you.
00:50:57.560 Other stink.
00:50:58.360 That's the other ship for Indians.
00:50:59.860 Yeah.
00:51:00.520 You don't know what other ship is.
00:51:01.860 It's like a sauna.
00:51:02.560 It's because you're poor.
00:51:03.280 That's why you don't know what other ship is.
00:51:04.640 Sauna steam room bath.
00:51:06.600 It's honestly, like, it's funny going there because you'll do it and then you'll feel great.
00:51:10.900 Like, you just paid $60 to be happy.
00:51:13.540 This guy, like, oh, what's this going on?
00:51:15.100 Oh, shit.
00:51:15.800 He's about to rob us, bro.
00:51:16.920 He's got a mask and a sweatpants.
00:51:19.880 Can they hear us?
00:51:21.000 He's probably studying for his account.
00:51:22.340 It says it's noise proof.
00:51:27.460 I don't know.
00:51:28.180 I kind of like it.
00:51:28.920 Oh, yeah.
00:51:30.220 So, I guess, okay.
00:51:33.080 This podcast wasn't great.
00:51:35.700 It wasn't that.
00:51:36.260 It wasn't the worst we've done.
00:51:37.460 We've done worse.
00:51:38.640 We've done worse.
00:51:39.540 For sure.
00:51:41.800 I want to.
00:51:42.940 I think this episode should have 4,000, 47 million views.
00:51:48.460 It should just have the whole planet.
00:51:50.220 If you were Mayor of Toronto, I would say put the podcast on a young and Dundas square like 1984.
00:51:57.220 You know what I mean?
00:51:58.100 And just every day, just Ben Bank is like, you know what I mean?
00:52:04.560 You're just going to work on the DTC.
00:52:06.020 This podcast is full blast all day long at Jurassic Park.
00:52:10.180 Yes.
00:52:11.180 That's what it should be.
00:52:12.220 It should just be, please wear a mask on every TV.
00:52:15.440 On repeat.
00:52:16.000 Just from 4 to 5 p.m.
00:52:17.720 Ben Bank is live at Lula Lounge every night.
00:52:20.160 Every day.
00:52:21.380 Every day, 365, Thanksgiving, Christmas.
00:52:25.700 You would defund CP24.
00:52:28.160 Defund Lula Lounge.
00:52:29.600 Defund the police.
00:52:30.620 Defund everything.
00:52:32.620 And transfer the funds into.
00:52:34.380 No, we're kidding.
00:52:35.560 These are jokes.
00:52:37.060 We're not embezzling any funds.
00:52:38.940 We want to run from there.
00:52:39.500 Not even enough money to embezzle.
00:52:41.460 Yeah.
00:52:41.840 I've embezzled $15 from Toronto.
00:52:44.840 How much was the ticket to come see your show?
00:52:48.780 $450.
00:52:49.140 If you don't live in a place where we're doing a show, please think about going on Patreon.
00:52:54.200 Patreon.com slash Ben Bank is right now.
00:52:57.100 We are coming to the shows that we're coming to.
00:53:00.180 So we got this weekend, Friday and Saturday, Niagara Falls, March 9th and 10th, Sudbury, Ontario.
00:53:10.120 Go get tickets.
00:53:11.160 Ben Bank is dot com.
00:53:13.240 March 23rd in Ottawa.
00:53:15.480 We are sold out.
00:53:16.760 So we've added another show Wednesday, March 27th.
00:53:19.140 And you can get tickets as well.
00:53:20.540 Ben Bank is dot com.
00:53:22.320 March 29th, Victoria, B.C.
00:53:25.400 We are coming to Herman's Jazz Lounge.
00:53:28.840 It's going to be a fun ass show.
00:53:32.380 I think it's going to be similar.
00:53:33.620 It's going to be.
00:53:34.300 It's like it's kind of like a Lula Lounge.
00:53:36.760 It's going to be just a great vibe.
00:53:38.060 So it's going to be a classy vibe.
00:53:40.540 Then the next night, 30th of March, Surrey, B.C.
00:53:46.300 1st of April, Vancouver.
00:53:49.620 We just sold out the early show.
00:53:51.560 So we just added a 1030 p.m. show that's at the Hastings Racetrack and Casino.
00:53:58.840 Let's go.
00:53:59.540 I'm going to spend my paycheck on a horse.
00:54:00.940 It's going to be a degenerate evening.
00:54:02.600 And then after that, we are going to Kelowna, April 4th.
00:54:10.300 Then Calgary, April 6th.
00:54:13.040 There's not that many tickets left.
00:54:15.260 Go get tickets for Calgary, April 6th.
00:54:18.060 Edmonton, April 7th.
00:54:21.500 Red Deer, April 8th.
00:54:23.180 Fort McMurray, April 9th.
00:54:25.260 Saskatoon, April 14th.
00:54:30.920 Regina, April 15th.
00:54:32.960 And then Winnipeg, April 21, 22, 23, 27, 28, 29.
00:54:38.600 We're doing 10 shows in Winnipeg.
00:54:42.620 So it's not like, you know, I probably would have made more money if I had just rented a fucking theater and sold 300 tickets and done one show and left.
00:54:52.960 But it's a Yuck Yucks thing.
00:54:55.540 I'm going to be hanging out for a couple weeks in Winnipeg.
00:54:58.380 And I'm sure we're going to do some other spots in and around Winnipeg.
00:55:02.540 But that's at the new Winnipeg Yuck Yucks, new competition for Rumors.
00:55:06.800 It's at a sick-ass, sick hotel.
00:55:09.980 Apparently, it's in a sick hotel.
00:55:11.560 I haven't seen it.
00:55:12.400 It looks great.
00:55:13.320 I looked it up.
00:55:13.660 Have you seen what the club looks like?
00:55:15.620 I saw the club, yeah.
00:55:16.780 I saw the video of Breslin, like, opening up, cutting the retail.
00:55:18.920 And it looks pretty good, man.
00:55:20.780 It's like Burlington Yucks.
00:55:21.860 There you go.
00:55:22.040 It's pretty good.
00:55:22.920 Burlington Yucks.
00:55:24.060 Come to Burlington Yucks in Winnipeg.
00:55:27.920 We moved Wendell Clucks.
00:55:29.660 Wendell Clucks, Winnipeg.
00:55:31.440 Ben Bank is flagships.
00:55:34.720 So 10 shows.
00:55:36.300 And I think Armin's probably going to be there, too.
00:55:38.620 Hopefully.
00:55:39.140 I emailed them today, actually.
00:55:40.640 Fuck yeah.
00:55:42.160 She said, give me a day to think about how Iranian he is.
00:55:46.340 We're going to let an Iranian in?
00:55:47.740 I don't know.
00:55:48.420 I'm going to ask Breslin.
00:55:49.400 Breslin's going to say, what the fuck?
00:55:51.180 Absolutely not.
00:55:52.040 He's barely on Wednesdays.
00:55:56.000 Now he's doing 10 shows in Winnipeg.
00:55:57.800 And now we're sending him across the country.
00:56:00.460 Okay.
00:56:00.760 Can you play for his flight and his hotel and food?
00:56:03.120 So anyway, thank you guys so much.
00:56:05.780 Support the show.
00:56:06.920 Thank you for supporting the show by watching it.
00:56:09.640 Even if you don't give us money, we're obviously joking.
00:56:15.020 Don't have to give us money to support us.
00:56:17.440 But if you don't give us money, you're...
00:56:19.160 Oh, fuck.
00:56:19.780 See?
00:56:20.580 See?
00:56:21.060 If you had given us fucking money on Patreon, we could have hired a little Chinese boy or
00:56:27.420 girl or trans to push the button.
00:56:30.780 Anyway, we love you guys.
00:56:32.880 Bye.