Bankas Podcast - February 24, 2023


Mayor of Toronto ｜ The Bankas Show - #016


Episode Stats


Length

56 minutes

Words per minute

177.55026

Word count

10,041

Sentence count

1,280

Harmful content

Misogyny

47

sentences flagged

Toxicity

353

sentences flagged

Hate speech

80

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Ben Baggett is running for mayor of Toronto, and we're here to break it all down. He's running against John Tory, who's running for re-election because he's a douchebag.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:00:02.100 Welcome to the Bankist show. 1.00
00:00:06.000 We are here.
00:00:07.960 I am now running for mayor of the city of Toronto.
00:00:12.820 I'm going to immediately cancel the availability to creatives at the library, which is where we are.
00:00:22.200 We're going to cancel all funding for libraries.
00:00:26.020 Because there's too many books in here that are not about trans rights. 0.70
00:00:32.300 You just hate homeless people.
00:00:33.640 You don't want them to have somewhere warm to be.
00:00:36.520 Homeless people can be warm on the train. 0.89
00:00:39.440 We're going to legalize train hopping for industrial trains.
00:00:47.380 Bring it back?
00:00:48.160 Yeah, we're bringing it back.
00:00:49.300 We're going to open up all the industrial trains.
00:00:52.720 I don't know if that's a municipal thing.
00:00:57.040 As mayor of Toronto, I'm sending every homeless person to Vancouver.
00:01:00.500 As mayor of Toronto, we are sending the army to China to invade Beijing.
00:01:06.680 We're invading Spadina and Dundas.
00:01:10.320 Yeah, I don't know.
00:01:11.360 I don't really want to do this job.
00:01:13.080 No, you don't.
00:01:13.680 It's pretty funny because we got some pretty high-level Jewish guys in.
00:01:18.340 And they literally are just like, Ben, when you win, we're going to take over for you.
00:01:22.920 You're going to go on tour.
00:01:24.200 And you're just like, this is a way to get to 100K. 0.99
00:01:26.660 I don't give a shit. 0.99
00:01:30.000 If I could be mayor and do yuck yucks every night and get driven four blocks. 1.00
00:01:36.260 By the Secret Service.
00:01:37.540 In a suburban to yuck yucks to go in the back door to say. 0.99
00:01:41.180 I mean, I want you to win just because I would like a job in politics doing fuck all. 0.99
00:01:46.100 I should do video dubs of myself. 0.99
00:01:49.340 Oh, my God.
00:01:50.160 Let me stop.
00:01:51.920 I'm Ben Baggett.
00:01:53.120 I'm racist.
00:01:54.100 Ching-chong, ching-chong. 1.00
00:01:55.580 Just making fun of yourself, dude.
00:01:58.700 Yeah, I don't know.
00:01:59.860 I'm worried.
00:02:01.000 My biggest fear is winning.
00:02:03.040 Yeah.
00:02:03.840 And that would be really.
00:02:06.480 But it would be good.
00:02:07.860 I mean, I would have to.
00:02:08.980 I'd have to not take it, right?
00:02:12.580 Or would I just take it?
00:02:13.740 I think you take it and just get fired, bro.
00:02:16.460 I just want to fill out.
00:02:17.580 Like, I'd be like, yo, here's my direct deposit form.
00:02:20.540 Honestly, it would be really sick if you won.
00:02:22.860 If you won and immediately is like, you're like, yo, doggies.
00:02:25.880 Like, you just start talking like that.
00:02:27.400 That'd be pretty sick, too. 0.97
00:02:28.400 Everyone in Scarborough is like, yo, this is the sickest guy.
00:02:30.940 The only reason I wanted to be mayor was to meet Drake.
00:02:33.500 He won't answer my calls.
00:02:34.800 Somebody help me, doggie. 0.91
00:02:36.200 Like, where's press?
00:02:37.220 You'd definitely meet Drake if you were mayor.
00:02:40.140 John Tory's met Drake.
00:02:41.660 For sure.
00:02:42.460 John Tory.
00:02:43.060 Drake probably told John Tory to cheat on his wife.
00:02:45.920 Yeah, he was probably DMing him like, yo, should I do this?
00:02:48.760 Then Drake was like, fam, bro.
00:02:50.280 Like, your wife's beat.
00:02:53.480 I could see them hanging out.
00:02:55.060 And John Tory's like, well, one of my staffers is actually quite attractive.
00:02:59.060 Let me show you a picture of her forehead.
00:03:02.920 It's the size of Lake Ontario. 0.99
00:03:04.620 Well, I had sex with the Toronto Islands. 0.88
00:03:07.040 She looks like a Toronto Sun girl from 2006. 0.96
00:03:12.420 She was Mrs. Scarborough in 2009.
00:03:15.920 She's the last white Scarborough woman. 1.00
00:03:20.580 Yeah, I don't know what.
00:03:22.680 Yeah, that, what we just said alone is so funny that it could cause us to just win the election.
00:03:29.640 We should win.
00:03:30.940 There's no reason we shouldn't win.
00:03:32.020 And I just want to stop doing the podcast here.
00:03:35.860 We should keep doing it here if you win.
00:03:38.060 Just the mayor.
00:03:38.680 It's cheaper to run for mayor so that we have an office that we can then have a podcast in.
00:03:46.060 Literally.
00:03:46.640 Than rent a podcast studio in Toronto.
00:03:48.740 So we're basically running for mayor in order to have a podcast studio with a sick view, which is John Tory's office, which we're going to get rid of any.
00:03:59.900 Dude, we're going to smoke blunts.
00:04:00.860 We're going to allow smoking in the building.
00:04:03.220 I don't know how we.
00:04:04.020 We're going to bring.
00:04:04.540 We're going to bring back.
00:04:05.520 If you win, that should be one of your platforms.
00:04:07.120 If you win, you're going to bring back indoor smoking.
00:04:09.320 Yes.
00:04:09.680 You can smoke in bars again.
00:04:11.440 We need to talk about that.
00:04:12.700 Indoor smoking.
00:04:13.840 Bring it back.
00:04:14.880 Is coming back.
00:04:15.880 Just blunts.
00:04:17.100 Cigarettes. 0.98
00:04:17.280 There should be allowed to smoke cigarettes anywhere because everybody's retarded though. 0.99
00:04:20.160 So why not?
00:04:20.700 Yeah. 1.00
00:04:21.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:04:21.980 Who cares? 1.00
00:04:22.700 Plus it makes the place cooler.
00:04:23.860 Can't you say that I've smoked cigarettes because I have like a trans ability?
00:04:30.500 I'm trans and I'm really stressed out, so I got to smoke these darts.
00:04:37.320 It would be cool to be mayor just to say that I don't know.
00:04:43.780 Maybe it's bad.
00:04:44.680 Just kind of just to be racist on an even bigger platform.
00:04:49.160 Yeah, pretty much.
00:04:54.080 I mean, the funniest thing is I'll say things that like everybody will agree with, but be
00:04:59.100 mad about because you're not supposed to say them, I guess.
00:05:01.500 Well, if you won mayor, there would be a situation when you have to talk to Teresa Tam. 1.00
00:05:08.340 And she'd call me and I'd go.
00:05:09.700 You have to.
00:05:10.460 I'd probably say I'm sorry.
00:05:11.900 No.
00:05:13.400 It's like what the Louis C.K. thing where he's like publicly I would never apologize,
00:05:17.060 but privately, privately, privately, I see them at a party.
00:05:20.860 I'm like, I'm sorry.
00:05:24.260 I don't see Teresa Tam go.
00:05:28.440 We'll be sick.
00:05:30.880 Actually, I just find I find racism is taboo.
00:05:36.140 So it's funny because it's like you're not supposed to do it, which makes it ten times
00:05:39.400 funnier.
00:05:39.860 It's like when you're in a class, you're in school when you're a kid, like you look at
00:05:45.160 your friend, you're like, yeah, you're not supposed to burst out laughing.
00:05:47.480 Yeah. 0.52
00:05:47.580 It's so fucking funny when somebody starts laughing and everybody starts laughing. 0.81
00:05:51.120 This is hilarious. 0.96
00:05:52.600 And of course, the teacher's like, you can't do that.
00:05:54.860 That's why we're doing it.
00:05:56.640 That's why it's funny.
00:05:58.200 You know, of course, nobody's going to take a video of Teresa Tam go. 0.96
00:06:03.260 So it's so fucking funny. 0.99
00:06:05.060 Who the fuck does that? 1.00
00:06:06.320 Only a mental patient does that. 1.00
00:06:09.040 But all the all the people you have to be funny to do that.
00:06:11.420 Like all my fans who weren't funny, you just comment things.
00:06:14.340 Yeah, I know.
00:06:15.200 Yeah, that is that is kind of it does.
00:06:17.160 I love them.
00:06:17.620 Thank you guys.
00:06:18.820 It's good for the algorithm.
00:06:20.500 You guys are great, but you're not funny, which is good.
00:06:23.200 I mean, people should really you shouldn't be funny.
00:06:25.860 It's not a good thing to be bad if they were as funny as you.
00:06:28.700 Being funny just makes you tired and horny all the time, I think.
00:06:31.640 Yeah, just tired. 0.98
00:06:33.240 And then you jerk off and then you go to sleep and then you wake up and you're just funny.
00:06:37.820 Yeah, you're funny. 1.00
00:06:38.540 Because there's cum all over you. 1.00
00:06:39.780 You're just covered in cum. 0.99
00:06:40.740 You're like, this is pretty funny. 1.00
00:06:42.060 Most funny people jerk off. 0.98
00:06:43.520 I guess I'll run for mayor. 0.98
00:06:44.960 There's not many funny like people who just aren't.
00:06:49.060 I guess I entertain.
00:06:52.100 I have a new bit about that.
00:06:54.440 But folks, the platform is pretty obvious that we're being hilarious.
00:07:00.760 We're parodying just a satire of politics, but also you should vote. 0.98
00:07:06.880 We're parodying left wing politicians who don't actually give a shit about any of the causes that they are pushing. 0.98
00:07:15.040 But they also don't give a shit about the consequences of pushing those policies because they're so desperate to get into office, which is just so embarrassing to me. 0.98
00:07:22.760 Because why would you be desperate? 0.98
00:07:25.040 All these people already have money.
00:07:26.420 They're lawyers.
00:07:27.080 They're doctors. 0.96
00:07:27.840 They have these gay jobs where they make tons of money and they do nothing. 1.00
00:07:32.820 And they just want to be mayor. 1.00
00:07:34.520 And it's like then they get in and they make all this woke bullshit that nobody wants. 1.00
00:07:38.580 And then they fuck their secretary. 1.00
00:07:40.680 Then they quit. 1.00
00:07:41.600 And then they put an even woker person in.
00:07:43.420 It's like, OK, somebody's got to stand up and be like, no.
00:07:47.000 You know, and I'm not I don't I'm not that person.
00:07:50.820 Chris Guy is that person.
00:07:52.560 Chris Guy.
00:07:54.160 People are like, you need a slander campaign against Chris Guy.
00:07:57.100 It's like, I don't even think really have to do much.
00:08:00.360 I don't think Chris Guy is going to get 25 signatures.
00:08:04.620 He might get 25 signatures.
00:08:06.820 He's probably going to be on the ballot.
00:08:08.040 But but is he going to beat Ben Bankis 63K on Instagram as of today?
00:08:18.680 It's a big it's a big bottle.
00:08:21.220 I mean, if he if his original Instagram never got deleted, he'd probably be at like 500,000.
00:08:26.160 Probably.
00:08:26.740 He's definitely way more like well-known.
00:08:29.060 Yeah.
00:08:30.220 Not necessarily for good reason.
00:08:32.100 Yeah.
00:08:32.280 But his name is out there, which means.
00:08:34.400 Yeah.
00:08:34.940 But I don't think he knows what he's talking about.
00:08:38.040 He's like, I'm going to get rid of corruption.
00:08:41.140 I'd say it's like, dude, what are you talking about?
00:08:43.900 I'm going to take advantage of corruption.
00:08:45.600 Yeah.
00:08:46.120 We're going to embezzle millions.
00:08:51.880 We're joking.
00:08:52.940 It's a comedy legally say that we're never joking, but we're going to do that.
00:08:57.600 No, I don't even know.
00:08:59.680 I don't even want to do that.
00:09:00.580 I just want a quick Sally, a quick, quick 180K a year salary.
00:09:05.580 And, you know, just still do Patreon.
00:09:09.520 Basically, all we're going to do is Patreon if I become mayor.
00:09:15.460 No, we're going to have a pot. 0.99
00:09:16.700 Everything's going to be exactly the same if I was mayor.
00:09:18.540 It's just going to be a better. 0.73
00:09:19.720 It's just going to be way sicker.
00:09:21.320 Even though this is we are in the mayor's office right now.
00:09:23.480 And funnier, because the new mayor's office is going to be at the library in Fort York.
00:09:30.700 It's going to be in the green room of Yuck Yucks.
00:09:32.860 In the black-only creative studio that they let us rent out.
00:09:37.360 Sorry, are you guys cardholders in black?
00:09:40.180 Are you making another advertisement for Backwoods?
00:09:42.880 Okay, unless you're doing a hip-hop rap video, I don't know if you can use this creative space today.
00:09:47.820 Yeah, when I rented it, they were like, what's the...
00:09:49.600 I don't think we have none of the good lights on.
00:09:51.720 No, we're not even going to use the green screen, I guess.
00:09:57.880 Yeah, we'll just leave it green.
00:09:59.820 No, I think that's why I did that.
00:10:02.140 Flip on some of those lights. 0.99
00:10:04.560 I've got to plug them in and shit, dude. 0.99
00:10:06.340 Are they plugged in? They're not plugged in? 0.99
00:10:07.740 No.
00:10:08.640 This one is, I think.
00:10:10.120 No, this one, this ring light.
00:10:11.300 You want me to turn the ring light on? 1.00
00:10:14.060 Fuck it. 1.00
00:10:16.880 What else did we want to talk about? 1.00
00:10:18.440 You and your Yuck Yucks journey?
00:10:22.160 Oh yeah, I'm half signed by Yucks.
00:10:24.920 We did the show at Lula Lounge and then we talked about that and all that.
00:10:29.160 We sold it out.
00:10:29.860 We just sold out Vancouver.
00:10:32.220 We added a second show, Vancouver, April 1st.
00:10:35.900 Surrey's almost sold out.
00:10:38.180 Calgary's almost sold out.
00:10:39.720 Edmonton's like half sold out.
00:10:44.460 So you're going to get a lot of experience doing stand-up.
00:10:48.320 Armin is, you know, he's my opener right now.
00:10:52.520 And he's been going to Yuck Yucks amateur night, grinding it out with the mentally... 0.99
00:11:00.560 The most mentally ill candidate. 0.99
00:11:02.500 But yeah, just crazy people, what you can imagine from a, like a... 1.00
00:11:08.740 Just letting random people email a club and giving them five minutes.
00:11:12.500 Yeah, people email in and then they get on the show and then they try to get to the next
00:11:19.040 level, which is getting a showcase.
00:11:21.400 And then if you get a showcase, Mark Breslin, the owner of Yuck Yucks, comes and watches 0.99
00:11:25.780 you and basically tells you either fuck off or come back again or you're signed or you 0.99
00:11:30.760 move to Wednesdays because amateur night's Tuesdays. 0.99
00:11:34.700 So Armin is now on Wednesdays, which is not really an accomplishment for me.
00:11:41.920 It's not.
00:11:42.740 To me, it's not.
00:11:43.340 It's not.
00:11:44.020 But to him, it is.
00:11:45.880 Not really.
00:11:46.740 Like kind of because it's better than nothing, but...
00:11:49.540 Well, it's good.
00:11:51.160 It's a reality check so that you know that, you know, you're still not good yet.
00:11:57.760 You know what I mean?
00:11:58.740 You're not...
00:11:59.340 Like, you're...
00:11:59.800 No, you're a good comic, obviously, but you need to get better.
00:12:03.500 Bro.
00:12:03.980 I'll...
00:12:04.580 Honestly, one day I'll be as good as Brian Hatt.
00:12:08.060 Yeah.
00:12:08.840 Well, Mark Breslin did fire Che Durena and Ryan Long and they're both...
00:12:13.340 Famous.
00:12:14.020 Famous and we're at the library.
00:12:16.100 Yeah.
00:12:16.780 Pretending to be the mayor of Toronto.
00:12:18.620 So I don't...
00:12:20.800 I feel like, you know, you are funny, though.
00:12:24.680 Like this tour is going to make you...
00:12:26.460 Like the problem with Toronto is it's...
00:12:28.920 You can't really do as many spots as some of these other places that people are at.
00:12:33.220 Like I think in Calgary even, like you can do like three, four spots a night.
00:12:37.340 Like they have one of these communities, comedy communities where people are like,
00:12:40.400 oh, yeah, you're on Yuck Yucks?
00:12:41.720 Like come through.
00:12:42.560 Like do a guest.
00:12:43.860 Like, you know, you can work on material.
00:12:45.440 So Toronto is just like the only place I can go is Yuck Yucks.
00:12:49.820 Nope.
00:12:50.100 There are no other amateur shows.
00:12:52.760 When I was coming up, there was tons of amateur shows.
00:12:55.380 There was like downtown in like the nightclub district.
00:12:59.040 There were shows.
00:12:59.800 I forget.
00:13:00.280 There was the office pub.
00:13:01.800 There was all these places.
00:13:04.160 Now the only places you can do comedy at are so woke that they won't allow me to do comedy
00:13:09.360 even though I have 60,000 followers.
00:13:11.960 They're like, oh, well, we don't like your...
00:13:14.600 You know, I'm the curator of this comedy show and we don't appreciate your... 1.00
00:13:18.800 It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
00:13:20.320 There's paying customers here. 1.00
00:13:21.760 I'm more famous than you. 1.00
00:13:22.900 You suck. 1.00
00:13:24.460 You can't even get a single fucking laugh in this bitch. 1.00
00:13:27.560 And you won't let pro comics on the show. 1.00
00:13:30.220 Like, of course, there's no comedy scene in Toronto.
00:13:34.080 I know.
00:13:34.580 Somebody, one of my fans messaged me.
00:13:36.140 They're like, they saw that I was at Yucks, but I hadn't posted it until I was there.
00:13:40.020 Right. 0.99
00:13:40.460 They're like, fuck, we wanted to go see you so bad, but we went to Comedy Bar instead and 1.00
00:13:44.440 it was terrible. 1.00
00:13:45.900 It was awful and it ruined my friend's birthday.
00:13:48.500 Oh, Lord.
00:13:48.640 And he's like, he's blaming you for not saying that you're going to be at Yuck X.
00:13:52.000 I'm like, I'm sorry.
00:13:52.820 I was hosting.
00:13:53.680 I didn't want you to...
00:13:54.580 Yeah, I see you just...
00:13:55.680 I didn't want you to come and see Freddy Proya headline.
00:14:02.500 Hey, this guy's been doing comedy since 1983.
00:14:07.740 He drove all the way from Woodbridge.
00:14:09.380 His third wife's mad at him for even taking this gig for $300. 0.92
00:14:14.640 He works at the deli counter of Metro.
00:14:18.560 Is that what he does?
00:14:19.400 No, that's Lenny Corrado.
00:14:20.680 That's another guy that just...
00:14:26.280 I don't know.
00:14:27.800 There's some of these comics that it's like they never move past the Wednesdays.
00:14:33.100 They're just on amateur night for like 15 years and you're like, bro.
00:14:38.500 Bro.
00:14:39.100 I don't know.
00:14:39.680 I don't know if...
00:14:40.360 Even if you get to the next stage here, I don't think this is...
00:14:43.740 It's sad because it's like, yo, if I wasn't good at comedy, I would do something else.
00:14:52.980 Yeah.
00:14:53.600 You know?
00:14:53.980 Like, I wouldn't just hang around because like, well, I really want it.
00:14:57.640 Really want it.
00:14:58.520 Well, but you don't want it that much because there are bad comics out there being successful.
00:15:04.740 Yeah. 0.99
00:15:05.040 So if you're shitty and you're not successful, it's not because you're shitty. 0.99
00:15:07.940 It's just because you really don't want it. 0.99
00:15:09.680 Yeah.
00:15:09.780 You're not working hard.
00:15:10.820 There's a ton of comics that aren't funny, but they like just worked hard and figured out
00:15:14.580 how to do standards.
00:15:14.860 They sell out of theater.
00:15:15.780 You get there and it's the worst comedy show you've ever seen. 0.99
00:15:18.300 You're like, how the fuck am I a fan of this person? 0.99
00:15:21.360 You know? 0.98
00:15:23.020 It's a reality.
00:15:26.140 Demoness. 0.96
00:15:26.980 Andrew Packer.
00:15:27.700 It would be cool if you won as mayor and then called out all the people you don't like
00:15:37.200 as mayor.
00:15:39.280 As mayor?
00:15:39.840 It's like my only beef is with comedians from Comedy Bar? 0.99
00:15:43.920 That'd be so fucking funny. 0.99
00:15:45.380 As mayor of Toronto. 0.97
00:15:47.300 Like at every event. 1.00
00:15:48.340 Also, Comedy Bar is a shit establishment. 1.00
00:15:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:15:51.200 Just completely slander everything.
00:15:54.060 Somebody just asked me to do.
00:15:55.320 Jacob Silverado asked me to do Comedy Bar.
00:16:00.260 Danforth.
00:16:00.960 Danforth.
00:16:01.520 Oh, do the Comedy Bar, but the one in the scary neighborhood.
00:16:04.560 Do it where there's stabbing.
00:16:06.320 I know.
00:16:08.440 Yeah.
00:16:08.740 I would.
00:16:09.140 It's probably better.
00:16:09.880 Comedy's better when there's people getting stabbed outside.
00:16:12.340 Yeah.
00:16:13.160 Let's be honest.
00:16:14.820 It's not better in a safer, nicer neighborhood.
00:16:17.580 It's better.
00:16:19.040 The best comedy clubs are in the worst neighborhoods.
00:16:23.160 This is untrue.
00:16:26.700 It's not really true, is it?
00:16:28.480 Maybe.
00:16:30.880 Comedy Bar is in a nice neighborhood in Ossington. 0.99
00:16:33.620 It sucks. 0.99
00:16:34.400 Royal. 0.99
00:16:35.720 Well, Yuck Yucks isn't like a nice neighborhood, but it's like still like downtown.
00:16:38.780 It's still scary because it's downtown.
00:16:40.600 Yeah.
00:16:41.080 It's not.
00:16:41.580 I like that.
00:16:42.220 Yeah, I guess not the ghetto, but that's true, especially in Toronto, because ghetto 1.00
00:16:47.480 people in Toronto have that, like they have like that, the Six Buzz accent, which really
00:16:53.100 is kind of like a Canadian hillbilly accent mixed with like Jamaican.
00:16:56.960 Yeah.
00:16:57.380 Like, oh, dog, farm, blop, boom, bop, beep, bop.
00:17:01.040 It's very just, it's really just, they have more in common with the small town people than 0.99
00:17:05.920 they realize, because in the small town, it's all like, oh, they're the fucking, hey, 1.00
00:17:09.940 like, fuck, doggy, old guy, oh, yeah, boom, bop, bop. 1.00
00:17:13.440 It's all the same shit. 1.00
00:17:14.940 It's just dumb people, really. 1.00
00:17:17.800 Yeah. 1.00
00:17:19.220 Which we love.
00:17:20.080 We love the poorly educated, as long as you give money to the show, patreon.com slash Ben
00:17:25.980 Bankus.
00:17:27.660 Our Patreon is not, we don't have enough people on there, and I need money because.
00:17:34.140 You have a child?
00:17:35.060 We have a child.
00:17:35.600 We're booking the tour out of pocket, obviously.
00:17:38.580 We're in a library.
00:17:40.540 We're doing podcasts in libraries.
00:17:43.760 So please support the show, patreon.com slash Ben Bankus.
00:17:49.140 I think it's like six bucks a month.
00:17:50.940 You pay for the whole year.
00:17:51.900 It's like 60 bucks.
00:17:53.520 And it really, really does help, because if I had even 1% of my, I don't know, I think
00:18:02.580 I have that.
00:18:03.480 But if I had like 5% of my followers, which is what?
00:18:07.420 Maybe like 1,000 people-ish?
00:18:08.980 2,000?
00:18:10.260 No.
00:18:10.760 Something like that.
00:18:11.680 60, like 12?
00:18:13.920 1,200?
00:18:15.780 Let's see.
00:18:16.660 What's 63,000 times .05?
00:18:23.520 3,100.
00:18:24.380 So if 3,100 people were on my Patreon for six bucks a month, that's $18,000 a month that
00:18:33.820 we'd be making versus what we're making on Patreon right now, which is like 400 bucks, 300 bucks
00:18:43.440 a month.
00:18:43.800 So, by the way, this is not a campaign, this is not campaign funding.
00:18:50.700 Legally, I have to say this, too.
00:18:52.700 This is funding for my comedy career.
00:18:56.900 We're not going to even, again, I don't want to run for mayor, but apparently I have to now
00:19:02.380 because some Jews are involved.
00:19:05.680 And they're going to figure out how we get funding through their Jew channels. 0.97
00:19:13.800 I'm going to contact Israel.
00:19:14.680 So, but this is my funding.
00:19:16.080 We need funding because I got to pay off the company credit card that I've used already
00:19:21.400 to pay for our flights to Victoria, BC, and then we got to rent a shitty Ford Edge and
00:19:31.340 drive four hours to Surrey the next day.
00:19:34.900 It's probably more like five hours.
00:19:36.780 Oh, God.
00:19:37.900 At least the weather would be nice.
00:19:39.160 Honestly, it's sick.
00:19:39.900 The ferry's sick.
00:19:40.900 It's a good drive. 1.00
00:19:42.180 Just take a couple of fucking edibles on the ferry. 0.99
00:19:45.620 Even driving to Edmonton or whatever, it's like, oh, it's going to suck, but it's probably 1.00
00:19:49.020 going to be nice going through the Rockies and shit. 0.98
00:19:51.260 The only shitty part, yeah, like driving from Calgary to Edmonton's boring because that's 0.99
00:19:55.060 like driving from Toronto to London or something. 0.99
00:19:57.340 Yeah, that's going to be ass. 0.94
00:19:58.700 But it's only two hours or three hours. 0.98
00:20:01.220 Yeah, that's not a thing.
00:20:03.060 Driving seven hours to Kelowna.
00:20:06.200 Well, it's not even going to be seven.
00:20:07.700 Seven from Vancouver.
00:20:09.120 We have a private gig in some Lancaster town.
00:20:12.400 By the way, we're for hire for private gigs.
00:20:15.740 DM me on Instagram.
00:20:17.540 Birthdays, weddings, funerals.
00:20:20.180 I have performed at a funeral before for a 94-year-old man.
00:20:25.840 Yeah, it was.
00:20:26.460 That's horrific.
00:20:27.260 It was a gig through Gig Salad, which was a thing at the time.
00:20:31.780 It was like a way to get gigs.
00:20:33.280 You just put your name on there and people would be like, I need a comedian.
00:20:35.860 And this guy, yeah, it was like these people, they're like, my dad died.
00:20:40.240 He's 94.
00:20:41.020 I thought it'd be funny if we got a comedian to do his funeral.
00:20:44.260 That person hated their father.
00:20:46.220 Dude, it was at like a golf course.
00:20:47.620 It was all old people. 1.00
00:20:48.420 It was all like 90-year-olds.
00:20:49.480 And I had to.
00:20:51.400 It had to just be funny.
00:20:52.580 Do comedy. 0.99
00:20:53.340 And it sucked. 0.97
00:20:53.980 And then there was a bagpipe guy that I was like smoking blunts with. 0.98
00:20:57.000 And then he like had to do it because there was like a Scottish person that died.
00:21:01.260 And then so the bagpipe came out and I was supposed to do a shot with the wife of the guy who died, who was like 80. 1.00
00:21:08.240 You had to fuck his wife? 1.00
00:21:09.660 Basically. 1.00
00:21:10.380 And then I was like, let's go to the strip club.
00:21:12.020 And nobody laughed.
00:21:12.940 And then it was just super awkward.
00:21:15.600 I'd been married for 45 years.
00:21:17.200 I was like, well.
00:21:18.300 But anyway, we are available for things like that.
00:21:22.360 Yeah.
00:21:23.120 If you want us to ruin your funeral.
00:21:26.240 Yeah.
00:21:26.440 If you want us to ruin any of your family events, we'll do it.
00:21:29.960 Remember when we ruined that Italian guy's birthday party? 1.00
00:21:33.440 Was that a birthday?
00:21:34.160 Yeah.
00:21:34.360 That was his birthday.
00:21:35.380 I remember that.
00:21:36.100 Some guy came to Yuck Yucks and watched me do stand up.
00:21:39.240 And then he decided to call Yuck Yucks the next day.
00:21:44.340 He's like, I want to buy that.
00:21:46.340 Yeah. 0.68
00:21:46.700 I want to buy that Jew. 1.00
00:21:48.620 How much?
00:21:49.820 And they're like, $700.
00:21:52.800 So for $700, I went to this random Italian's house. 0.98
00:21:57.420 And it was weird and awkward.
00:21:58.820 And there was like 12, 13-year-olds there.
00:22:01.580 And it was just like, be as dirty as you can.
00:22:04.280 I remember we brought Matt Baxter.
00:22:06.420 Oh, yeah.
00:22:07.000 Matt and I went to an after hours.
00:22:08.760 And we partied all night.
00:22:10.300 And I left at 5 a.m.
00:22:11.700 But he was there till like 4 p.m.
00:22:13.380 And didn't shower.
00:22:14.660 And the first thing he says when he gets the mic is like,
00:22:17.120 guys, I've been doing blows since 4, like, just scary children.
00:22:22.380 Anyway, so we are available for that.
00:22:24.160 Yeah.
00:22:24.660 If you want that.
00:22:25.120 Those types of things.
00:22:26.000 We can come to your house and do that.
00:22:27.460 So anyway, we're doing that on April 2nd.
00:22:31.120 And then April 3rd, basically, we're just going to be driving to Kelowna,
00:22:36.820 which is probably only going to be like six hours from there.
00:22:39.380 As long as there's no avalanches and we don't get buried underneath.
00:22:43.760 Or whatever.
00:22:44.800 Another train derails.
00:22:45.440 Boulder.
00:22:46.060 Hits us.
00:22:46.540 But then we'll arrive in Kelowna.
00:22:50.080 We'll do that show on the 4th.
00:22:53.160 Yeah, it's going to be the 4th.
00:22:56.260 I don't have.
00:22:57.040 Tickets are not available for that show yet.
00:23:00.620 Because.
00:23:01.660 I don't know.
00:23:02.540 No, because I'm dealing.
00:23:04.120 We have an option.
00:23:04.940 We could go to this one spot, which has like pool tables.
00:23:07.820 And it's like a sports bar type vibe.
00:23:10.480 Oh, yeah.
00:23:10.840 Which I don't.
00:23:12.000 I think we could do better in Kelowna.
00:23:13.860 But we're waiting on.
00:23:15.640 I have a contact there. 1.00
00:23:17.040 He runs a bunch of shit. 1.00
00:23:18.360 So we're waiting to find out about that. 1.00
00:23:20.480 But anyway.
00:23:21.280 From then we're going to drive from Kelowna to Calgary.
00:23:25.000 Which is like another seven and a half hours.
00:23:31.360 So that'll be our day on the 5th.
00:23:33.380 Just driving for seven and a half hours.
00:23:36.120 We'll drive for like.
00:23:37.440 Oh, yeah.
00:23:37.820 It's going to be bad.
00:23:38.700 It's going to be so bad.
00:23:39.860 But at least Brad might be able to drive.
00:23:43.180 Oh, yeah.
00:23:44.040 I forgot.
00:23:44.560 We're rolling with Brad Goss.
00:23:46.300 He's massive.
00:23:47.080 I feel like he's a good driver.
00:23:48.260 Anybody who's like 6'5".
00:23:49.180 I honestly just imagined he was going to take a private jet to like every gig we're doing.
00:23:53.080 Just land with a helicopter in front.
00:23:54.800 He's excited to have the full comedy experience.
00:23:58.280 I just want him to drive.
00:24:00.540 But it's kind of.
00:24:02.080 It's kind of scary because he looks like Frankenstein.
00:24:06.080 Looks like he stole the car or something.
00:24:07.640 Kidnap this. 0.84
00:24:09.080 You might have to drive because he's like too tall to sit in the back.
00:24:12.400 You're probably too tall to sit in the back.
00:24:14.760 I can sit in the back.
00:24:15.700 We just have to get rid of the 30 pounds of.
00:24:18.640 Anyway.
00:24:19.100 So then we got to drive from there to there.
00:24:20.600 Then we're driving to Edmonton the 7th.
00:24:30.080 Edmonton April 7th.
00:24:31.920 And then April 8th now we're switching.
00:24:34.600 And now it's going to be Red Deer April 8th. 0.99
00:24:38.140 Oh, shit. 0.98
00:24:38.740 And then it's going to be Fort McMurray April 9th. 1.00
00:24:45.800 Fuck. 1.00
00:24:47.660 Okay. 1.00
00:24:49.560 So.
00:24:50.040 The only thing I don't love about that is that I think that means that we have to drive.
00:24:57.420 Like south and north?
00:24:58.660 We have to.
00:24:59.140 Yeah.
00:24:59.860 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:00.120 That sucks. 1.00
00:25:01.140 It's going to suck. 0.99
00:25:02.080 But it's an extra gig. 0.96
00:25:03.360 And then drive past Edmonton.
00:25:05.000 We basically drive past Red Deer, go to Edmonton from Calgary, and then do that.
00:25:12.180 And then the next day drive to Red Deer, do that, and then drive back to Edmonton.
00:25:18.980 We're going to die.
00:25:20.280 We did book this really backwards.
00:25:23.860 Well, that's the yuck yucks portion that they, my yuck yucks agent was like.
00:25:29.120 Listen, we got some gigs for it.
00:25:29.960 We got an extra gig.
00:25:30.860 Well, what am I?
00:25:31.680 Yeah.
00:25:31.920 You're going to say no to money?
00:25:32.840 We don't have anything.
00:25:34.040 The 9th is like Sunday now.
00:25:35.480 So then we're going to have.
00:25:37.220 But then we'll have.
00:25:38.420 Then we have nothing till that whole week. 0.97
00:25:40.860 So we're going to have to figure out how the fuck to get to somewhere. 0.98
00:25:45.680 Oh, no. 0.97
00:25:47.440 I don't know.
00:25:48.100 Maybe we'll fly.
00:25:48.920 We might.
00:25:49.440 At that point, we might be like, let's fly from Fort McMurray to Saskatoon.
00:25:52.540 It's probably like a $60 flight, like a charter plane.
00:25:56.180 I feel like nothing's $60.
00:25:58.060 Like the cheapest Canadian flight is like $100, like 120 bucks.
00:26:02.840 Plus tax.
00:26:03.900 It's not like in the States where you can fly from like LA to Burbank.
00:26:07.120 Yeah.
00:26:07.260 But those are like the, like, that's what I mean.
00:26:08.800 Those are like shitty Flair Airlines though.
00:26:10.540 Don't we have something like that here? 0.94
00:26:12.120 We do.
00:26:12.720 We have Flair.
00:26:13.920 Do we, do we, what did we book our flights with?
00:26:15.700 Air Canada?
00:26:16.720 I don't know.
00:26:17.960 Something good.
00:26:18.780 Air Bangladesh? 0.86
00:26:19.340 Hello everyone, we are going to Van Gogh.
00:26:23.380 Air Tate. 0.98
00:26:24.500 Fuck. 1.00
00:26:25.020 I would get on Air Lines. 1.00
00:26:26.240 Let's get a private jet, dude.
00:26:27.380 Let's just get six more credit cards and get a jet for the tour.
00:26:33.040 So the point is, give me money.
00:26:35.600 This whole podcast is just an advertisement.
00:26:39.780 This whole, we don't even like doing this.
00:26:42.180 We just want money.
00:26:43.560 I do like doing this.
00:26:44.960 I just, I just hate constantly having to say, at least you set up today. 0.99
00:26:50.080 Cause that's, you need a fucking, we need a fucking studio. 0.99
00:26:53.740 I know. 1.00
00:26:54.820 Cause if I was making 18 grand a month, I would, I would get a studio.
00:26:58.620 I'd be able to afford a studio and an apartment.
00:27:01.300 Instead of living in a, in the corner of my dad's apartment.
00:27:05.060 Instead of a studio apartment.
00:27:06.840 I want, don't want to combine it.
00:27:08.320 Oh baby, I got a studio and an apartment.
00:27:11.040 Yo baby, come to my studio apartment at Ellesmere and Lakeshore.
00:27:15.280 Oh, I live at Warden 401.
00:27:17.300 Do a podcast once a month.
00:27:19.740 Oh, I went to King street.
00:27:20.720 I met this girl.
00:27:21.360 She didn't want to come with me back to Warden.
00:27:24.320 I know. 0.96
00:27:24.880 That's probably going to suck so bad. 0.96
00:27:26.380 Weston Road. 1.00
00:27:26.860 Meeting the hottest chick that wants to fuck a black guy and then just being like quiet. 1.00
00:27:30.200 They don't care. 1.00
00:27:31.160 Really?
00:27:31.600 They'd go to scary and scary? 0.80
00:27:33.080 If you're white, they wouldn't. 0.99
00:27:35.220 If you're, if you're like, hi, my name's Ben Bankus.
00:27:37.360 Would you like to go to my house at Weston and 401?
00:27:39.100 Well, yeah, because then they know you're poor.
00:27:40.980 Yeah. 1.00
00:27:41.380 They're like, damn, this guy. 1.00
00:27:42.300 Oh, he's got his own poor. 1.00
00:27:44.060 Oh, bro.
00:27:45.400 This guy's dukes out of the crib.
00:27:47.500 Oh, my dukes aren't allowed me.
00:27:49.520 Baby.
00:27:50.280 The mayor of Toronto lives at Weston and Warden.
00:27:53.080 The mayor of Toronto can't afford an apartment.
00:27:56.360 I want an honorary apartment in Scarborough.
00:27:59.540 Yeah, like a basement community housing.
00:28:02.480 The mayor of Toronto lives in a basement community housing.
00:28:04.960 Lives in a co-op unit.
00:28:06.380 Makes $18,000 a month from Patreon.
00:28:10.420 Doesn't do any mayoral work.
00:28:13.100 No, we're going to ask Jews doing everything. 0.92
00:28:15.720 Yeah, of course.
00:28:16.400 There's going to be articles.
00:28:16.860 That's a good mayor, though.
00:28:18.100 You don't want the Jews to run everything. 1.00
00:28:19.980 They were doing a great job so far.
00:28:21.380 Let me get in and let the Jews run it. 1.00
00:28:23.700 Exactly. 0.86
00:28:24.320 People want to act like, yo, the Jews are on a ting. 0.99
00:28:27.200 Kanye, yeah, well, Kanye would be poor if there was no Jews. 1.00
00:28:30.880 What would he be doing?
00:28:31.540 What would we have if we didn't have Jews right now? 1.00
00:28:34.480 We wouldn't have this library.
00:28:36.500 What's it called?
00:28:37.540 It's called the Moshe Epstein Library.
00:28:40.500 The fourth Yiddish library.
00:28:43.040 Moshe, Moshe.
00:28:45.840 But no, Jews invented the idea of doing stuff. 0.99
00:28:48.800 Podcasting.
00:28:50.060 Podcasts.
00:28:50.540 Jews invented podcasts. 0.95
00:28:52.960 We invented Patreon.
00:28:53.940 Didn't Tom Green invent podcasts or something?
00:28:57.100 I think so.
00:28:57.740 Well, he did the web show and then that.
00:29:00.220 See, if we had a sick studio where I was paying money and I almost got that one studio.
00:29:05.820 It wasn't cool enough, though.
00:29:06.840 It was kind of small.
00:29:08.580 I want to be real. 0.99
00:29:09.400 If we had fucking 18K, we could have a fucking. 0.99
00:29:12.020 A Drake studio. 0.99
00:29:12.920 We could have like a $1,500 a month studio where we could actually smoke in it, bring Tom
00:29:19.600 Green, bring.
00:29:20.880 Yeah, I know.
00:29:21.500 It sucks doing it here because it's like we have cool people we can bring on, but
00:29:26.480 just to look them in the eye and be like.
00:29:28.540 Yeah, you're in the library.
00:29:29.440 We're going to do it in the library, bro.
00:29:31.200 Yeah.
00:29:33.520 Don't mind looking out the window.
00:29:35.660 There's a homeless guy nodding off out there, but.
00:29:38.980 So, Tom, what was it like being married to?
00:29:42.760 I had a nap today.
00:29:43.940 I can't.
00:29:44.480 I don't like.
00:29:46.380 You're getting old.
00:29:47.680 You're taking like midday naps.
00:29:50.200 You get grumpy after nine.
00:29:51.040 I think it's when I get out.
00:29:53.440 I'm not in my spin.
00:29:55.660 Yeah, you haven't spun for a while.
00:29:57.360 Well, yeah, I spun last week, but I haven't spun and I'm not spinning enough.
00:30:05.500 I need to go to spin.
00:30:06.940 I need to be exercising more because then I canceled my gym membership today, actually.
00:30:11.860 Really?
00:30:12.160 With Vive?
00:30:12.740 Yeah. 0.99
00:30:13.920 This is just garbage. 0.99
00:30:15.080 I was just like, I can't. 0.99
00:30:16.040 It is a scary gym.
00:30:17.080 I can't go there anymore.
00:30:18.240 You're too famous for it now.
00:30:19.840 You need like Equinox.
00:30:21.380 Yeah.
00:30:22.000 You're Equinox level.
00:30:23.160 JCC?
00:30:24.180 Yeah.
00:30:25.340 Yeah, we should do JCC. 0.78
00:30:26.760 JCC is sick.
00:30:27.660 They got a sauna and basketball. 0.80
00:30:28.720 Now everybody knows that I work at JCC.
00:30:30.440 They don't know it.
00:30:31.260 Don't worry.
00:30:31.860 We'll bleep it out.
00:30:34.260 We'll go back.
00:30:34.760 I work out at the JCC at Spidaida and Bloor.
00:30:38.220 Yeah, if you're Jewish and have money, you can come see Ben. 0.81
00:30:40.680 Yeah, that'll all be bleeped.
00:30:44.380 But anyway, the place that I want to work out at has a sauna, which is important.
00:30:51.440 I was supposed to go there and pay for my membership today, but then I jerked off and fell asleep for two hours.
00:31:00.540 When you nap during midday, it is impossible.
00:31:04.180 You can set an alarm.
00:31:05.520 You are not hearing that alarm.
00:31:08.620 No.
00:31:08.860 Like in the morning, I'll hear an alarm, but midday nap, I don't hear alarms.
00:31:13.340 I don't hear phone calls.
00:31:14.960 I don't hear my child.
00:31:18.500 Well, that's the thing.
00:31:19.460 If I'm not with her, then I can nap.
00:31:21.480 Yeah.
00:31:21.660 If I'm with her, I don't nap, and then I just sleep soundly through the night.
00:31:26.120 If I'm not with her, then I stay up later.
00:31:28.560 I'm on my phone.
00:31:29.820 I'm not as...
00:31:30.320 And then I nap, and then so then I'm not as tired late again.
00:31:35.120 Coffee, too. 0.99
00:31:35.780 It's like every time I have a fucking coffee, I just feel exhausted after. 0.99
00:31:41.300 Like I feel like I have to just be either like just drink coffee all day long. 0.99
00:31:45.460 Like if I have a fucking big coffee in the morning, I'm just like so tired by like fucking 2 p.m. 0.97
00:31:52.720 Unless I have another coffee. 0.99
00:31:54.960 I want to have coffee.
00:31:55.920 Is that coffee that you have?
00:31:56.840 You want the rest of it?
00:31:57.740 It's like a tiny...
00:31:59.080 It's empty.
00:32:02.120 Look at you.
00:32:02.880 Look at you.
00:32:03.380 Good little Jew in training going to Aroma. 0.99
00:32:07.460 That's like I remember when Aroma started coming to Canada.
00:32:10.040 My dad was like, Aroma, you know, it's from Israel.
00:32:12.760 Don't kill me.
00:32:13.460 Is it really? 0.97
00:32:13.940 That's hilarious.
00:32:15.280 Our friend Mike is in Israel right now.
00:32:17.560 Who?
00:32:18.060 Cardus.
00:32:18.780 Why?
00:32:19.580 She's just being Jewish. 1.00
00:32:20.920 He's in Israel right now?
00:32:21.800 Yeah, he's in Israel.
00:32:22.280 He's in Tel Aviv.
00:32:23.120 I don't know.
00:32:24.140 He's Jewish.
00:32:25.100 You know Mike.
00:32:27.040 Mike is our friend that all he does is try and find Jewish women to marry him. 1.00
00:32:32.280 He'll tell you that any woman is a Jewish.
00:32:34.720 Even if she's Indian. 1.00
00:32:35.720 Her name is like Kenya Johnson. 0.91
00:32:37.380 You'll be like, hey, that's kind of Jewish. 0.99
00:32:39.220 Kenya.
00:32:39.940 Kenya.
00:32:40.580 Your name is Zizong.
00:32:42.600 Zizong.
00:32:43.280 Jewish.
00:32:44.540 You're Jewish. 0.75
00:32:45.400 Where are you from?
00:32:45.860 Beijing.
00:32:46.940 You know, that used to be part of Jerusalem.
00:32:48.720 You know, that was Beijing.
00:32:52.220 Started Beijing.
00:32:54.080 Hey, Beijing.
00:32:55.100 Jews invented the spring rolls. 0.98
00:32:56.920 You know, you know, Jews.
00:32:58.060 Oh, my.
00:32:58.320 Look at this woman just judging us for doing a podcast. 1.00
00:33:00.940 She's like.
00:33:01.160 Are you just being funny in a room right now?
00:33:03.760 Are you too? 1.00
00:33:04.240 I am a fucking lesbian. 1.00
00:33:05.820 I don't agree with that. 1.00
00:33:06.940 The last time I heard my pussy eating. 1.00
00:33:08.720 It'd be funny if everybody out there could just hear everything we were saying. 0.99
00:33:11.440 That'd be awesome if they were just broadcasting it to the whole library.
00:33:14.460 It's pretty quiet out there.
00:33:15.760 And we're just like.
00:33:16.720 I'm running for mayor. 0.99
00:33:19.240 John Tory had sex with a 22 year old. 0.95
00:33:23.240 She was like 31. 0.99
00:33:24.240 She was pretty hot. 1.00
00:33:25.240 Was she hot? 1.00
00:33:25.740 I mean, like, she was hot for him.
00:33:28.080 She looks like her parents have, like, a cottage.
00:33:30.540 Yeah.
00:33:32.320 Well, she was like. 1.00
00:33:33.300 Imagine her parents, like, are just like, you fuck John Tory. 1.00
00:33:36.660 It's so weird. 1.00
00:33:37.840 Oh, my God.
00:33:39.920 I don't know. 1.00
00:33:40.920 Would you be proud of your kid that fucked a mayor? 1.00
00:33:44.400 No. 1.00
00:33:46.100 I think it's.
00:33:47.020 I don't know.
00:33:48.320 Maybe if you had a son.
00:33:49.420 That's why you let your kids do things that they actually like in life.
00:33:53.360 And you don't pressure them to, like, get degrees and stuff. 0.98
00:33:55.600 Because then you pressure them to get degrees and shit. 0.93
00:33:58.180 And then they end up in the mayor's office as a staffer, which is nobody's dream ever. 1.00
00:34:02.540 And then they end up being like, well, I guess I'll suck the mayor's dick. 1.00
00:34:05.060 Because I didn't do anything that I actually was passionate about in life. 1.00
00:34:08.980 Can you just imagine John Tory getting his dick sucked? 1.00
00:34:12.900 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:13.600 I love this.
00:34:15.620 Oh, my God.
00:34:16.820 I'm so happy.
00:34:17.780 I'm shooting on Eleanor.
00:34:19.420 What's his. 1.00
00:34:20.040 I don't fuck. 1.00
00:34:20.840 Barbara. 1.00
00:34:21.560 I remember seeing this.
00:34:22.480 Oh, Barb.
00:34:22.960 Barb.
00:34:23.540 Oh, yeah.
00:34:23.840 It's his wife named Barb.
00:34:25.160 That's a very easy name to cheat on.
00:34:27.580 Oh, Barb's on here. 0.93
00:34:28.660 Yeah.
00:34:29.000 Barbara.
00:34:29.580 Whoa, Barbara.
00:34:30.420 You're making me calm.
00:34:31.620 Oh, Barbara. 1.00
00:34:33.120 What the fuck? 1.00
00:34:33.880 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:34.060 If your name's Barbara, you're getting cheated on. 1.00
00:34:35.580 I saw, like, on CP24, they were like, how could he do this?
00:34:38.700 He's been married since 1976.
00:34:41.260 It's like, yeah, that's why he could do it.
00:34:43.740 He's been married since 1976. 1.00
00:34:46.740 The same pussy for 50 years. 1.00
00:34:48.520 He's done. 1.00
00:34:49.200 He's tired.
00:34:50.520 And there's this young blonde chick that's like, I just really want to get into education 0.99
00:34:54.500 and make kids trans. 1.00
00:34:56.120 I'll suck anyone's dick. 1.00
00:34:57.480 Yes. 1.00
00:34:58.100 Of course.
00:34:59.260 Of course.
00:35:00.520 Good for John.
00:35:01.320 I'm happy for him.
00:35:02.380 I honestly hope he doesn't resign.
00:35:04.080 I didn't want him to.
00:35:04.860 I was going to vote for him now.
00:35:06.500 He's got my respect.
00:35:07.780 I would have voted for him if I wasn't running for mayor.
00:35:10.520 Well, yeah.
00:35:10.980 I mean, now I have to vote for him.
00:35:12.400 Actually, I can't vote for you, actually.
00:35:13.900 I'm in your part.
00:35:15.200 Yeah, you can.
00:35:16.280 Oh, really? 0.77
00:35:16.860 Okay, sick.
00:35:17.240 I can vote for myself, I think.
00:35:19.820 Politics is-
00:35:20.380 Can't you?
00:35:21.440 Honestly, it's so funny. 0.91
00:35:22.900 Like, being a comedian is way fucking harder than getting into politics. 0.99
00:35:27.320 Like, me getting into Wednesdays on Yucks, way harder than fucking you becoming mayor. 0.99
00:35:33.900 It took me like- 0.99
00:35:34.980 It's been one day.
00:35:35.900 It's been-
00:35:36.580 We've done nothing.
00:35:37.240 All we did was two videos.
00:35:38.440 Two videos that did better than- 1.00
00:35:39.980 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:35:40.360 Roman. 1.00
00:35:40.680 Are these the Babbers fucking- 1.00
00:35:41.920 There's like people staring at us right now. 1.00
00:35:44.380 Listen, I don't want to vote for you because I'm stinky and- 0.95
00:35:48.540 Listen, I farted right before- 0.99
00:35:50.480 God, this woman's just pulling a knife out. 1.00
00:35:53.020 There's like a fat Indian woman with a team. 1.00
00:35:56.600 What done? 0.98
00:35:57.460 Coffee.
00:35:58.080 I brought it from work.
00:35:58.740 And she's standing at the end of the hallway and she does not-
00:36:01.740 These guys look like they're complaining to the-
00:36:03.420 Oh, there's like crackheads.
00:36:06.020 There's like crackheads complaining that we're too loud.
00:36:08.500 They're like, oh, doggy, I'm trying to nod off on heroin right now.
00:36:11.420 I heard this guy being a racist in a room- 0.75
00:36:14.780 I heard this bomb-a-clot John Tory. 0.92
00:36:18.620 You know John Tory, bomb-a-clot. 1.00
00:36:22.600 Fuck, dude. 1.00
00:36:23.980 I like all the people that are like, now you just smoke crack. 1.00
00:36:28.300 Yeah, I love the people that still bring up Rob Ford.
00:36:30.340 Why can't I just smoke weed and be the mayor?
00:36:33.340 Is that even like-
00:36:34.060 Oh, my God.
00:36:34.440 People will just rip a bog as mayor. 1.00
00:36:36.080 How often do you smoke weed?
00:36:37.880 Like every day. 1.00
00:36:38.700 No, like, if I was mayor, I'd get like a bong in the fucking Oval Office. 0.99
00:36:43.900 No, mayor backwards. 0.99
00:36:45.100 I don't even know if it's an Oval or not.
00:36:47.600 Everybody has sweatpants here.
00:36:49.080 I feel-
00:36:49.420 Yeah.
00:36:49.580 I just don't know I wore sweatpants. 0.99
00:36:50.960 I'm like, every single fucking loser at this library is wearing sweatpants. 0.99
00:36:53.240 Yeah, bro, it's mid-date the library. 0.99
00:36:55.040 No one's employed here.
00:36:55.100 I actually feel less like I'm getting robbed the way I dress today to come here.
00:36:58.820 Yeah?
00:36:59.120 Because I look more like I belong here, yeah.
00:37:01.360 You do look like you belong-
00:37:06.380 Like you're studying-
00:37:07.220 Belong in a library?
00:37:08.260 You're like George Brown business course.
00:37:10.600 30-
00:37:10.800 Studying how to take care of three dogs and a baby.
00:37:15.620 Do you have any books on how to kill yourself?
00:37:17.960 Do you have any books on how to get people to follow me on Patreon? 0.97
00:37:22.560 Patreon for dummies.
00:37:24.920 All you got to do is get on the road, and zine.
00:37:27.180 Yo, listen.
00:37:29.080 Yeah, exactly.
00:37:30.220 Oh, I'm Nima Naziri.
00:37:31.220 I'm going to pretend to be Joe Rogan to get on Joe Rogan.
00:37:34.020 Listen, this funny where I put on a bald cap and I go, yo, doggie, I'm Joe Rogan.
00:37:38.220 Listen, I've been doing comedy for 26 years.
00:37:41.200 Yo, it's me, Nima Naziri.
00:37:42.680 You want to see a picture of my morbidly obese mother again with a bald cut? 1.00
00:37:47.960 Yo, mom, quick, take the hijab off. 1.00
00:37:49.800 We're filming a sketch. 1.00
00:37:53.480 Yo, mom, take that shit off, bro. 1.00
00:37:55.300 Six Buzz don't like that. 1.00
00:37:56.540 They don't read that thing, fam.
00:37:58.820 Read that off.
00:38:00.560 Yo, mom, can you?
00:38:01.860 It's funny because I'm-
00:38:03.160 Yo, mom, it's a no-controller dancer. 0.76
00:38:05.500 What's the-
00:38:05.800 Oh, no.
00:38:06.920 Yo, mom.
00:38:07.420 Kiki, do you love me?
00:38:08.480 Three, two, one, go.
00:38:09.880 Kiki, are you obese? 0.99
00:38:12.240 I have not had sex with your father since you started comedy. 0.99
00:38:15.740 I know. 0.88
00:38:16.200 It's funny because I'm Persian, too, so it's like I just know that-
00:38:19.940 Your mom's, like, hot. 0.99
00:38:21.100 Yeah, my mom's cool.
00:38:22.140 I bet if I-
00:38:22.760 I don't even want to put her in a video. 1.00
00:38:24.320 Yeah, everyone's just going to be like, I want to fuck this guy's mom. 1.00
00:38:26.600 My mom has dementia. 1.00
00:38:27.600 Like, I-
00:38:28.240 Like, I'm-
00:38:28.840 If Nima had my mom, he would just be like, yo, dad, be over here, yo. 1.00
00:38:34.240 Fuck it. 1.00
00:38:36.720 Yo, yo, quick, quick. 1.00
00:38:37.700 Mom, I have, like, 40 fucking thousand- 0.99
00:38:40.280 Yo, mom, up top. 1.00
00:38:41.440 Just fucking, just like a dog. 1.00
00:38:45.920 Well, mom, do this dance real quick. 1.00
00:38:47.680 Just leaves her in the fucking room. 1.00
00:38:49.700 And this morning in China, there was another 25,000 murders. 1.00
00:38:53.120 Nobody even knows who we're talking about.
00:38:54.100 No, no one knows.
00:38:54.540 So bad. 1.00
00:38:55.340 I know, we're just being assholes. 0.99
00:38:58.900 It's all just cut out. 1.00
00:39:00.220 Yeah, I know.
00:39:00.600 We can't talk about that.
00:39:01.720 It's all fun and games, so-
00:39:03.640 Until you win, Mare, and then this is all used against you.
00:39:06.240 Until somebody loses an apartment. 1.00
00:39:08.380 Until fucking someone offers me $25 million to slander you. 1.00
00:39:13.320 That's Mare. 1.00
00:39:15.940 I'm in with Sonia de Yucks if you say Ben Beck is called your Paki, is Mare. 0.98
00:39:21.720 Well, tell Breslin you're great.
00:39:27.300 Yeah, I don't think my career's going that well.
00:39:29.680 That's probably why I've been running for Mare.
00:39:31.900 No, your career's going great.
00:39:33.400 You're just impatient.
00:39:35.240 I'm like, should I run for Mare?
00:39:36.580 Yeah, no, you're like-
00:39:37.680 I don't want to run.
00:39:38.180 You were at like 12K when I first started rolling with you, and now you're at 60K, and
00:39:42.260 you're like, it's going to be half a year to 100K.
00:39:44.600 I guess I've got to be prime minister. 0.96
00:39:46.700 I'm like, just fucking keep making videos and write a new hour. 0.93
00:39:50.500 I don't actually want to do these things, but- 0.92
00:39:52.180 It's funny too, though.
00:39:52.760 I think it should get people thinking like, oh my God, maybe he actually could, which 0.99
00:39:56.240 is fucked up. 0.98
00:39:56.780 It's like, well, why doesn't anybody who else is smart and want to do anything? 1.00
00:40:00.080 It's fucking hilarious. 1.00
00:40:01.260 That's why all the politicians are dumb, because the only people who want to do politics are 1.00
00:40:04.980 basically just clowns. 1.00
00:40:06.460 Well, I always thought politicians were people that wanted to be famous, but they just had 0.98
00:40:10.980 no talent.
00:40:11.660 So they're like, what can I do?
00:40:12.900 Oh, just manipulate people.
00:40:14.240 No, that's comedians.
00:40:15.640 Oh, no.
00:40:16.820 That's us?
00:40:17.640 How long have we done?
00:40:21.260 How long until I can leave this environment?
00:40:23.480 I know. 1.00
00:40:24.960 I hate this fucking library so much, man. 1.00
00:40:28.680 It's pretty sad. 1.00
00:40:30.720 Everyone's here.
00:40:31.240 Every time I park here, there's like cops like staring at me like, I know you're high
00:40:34.820 driving.
00:40:35.300 I can see the doll in your backseat.
00:40:36.600 I know.
00:40:36.880 Whenever I'm like waiting for you at this library, I feel like at some point they're
00:40:39.680 going to ask me if I'm like holding drugs.
00:40:41.540 I'm trying to sell like crack.
00:40:43.140 Yo, how come people keep coming in and out of the podcast studio, doggy?
00:40:47.940 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:40:48.960 4 p.m.
00:40:49.900 I'm trapping out the library.
00:40:52.560 I'm sure multiple people are selling drugs in here right now.
00:40:55.220 Oh, 100%.
00:40:56.140 Maybe not this library.
00:40:57.300 Maybe a shittier library.
00:40:58.800 Yeah.
00:40:59.320 This is kind of like a...
00:41:00.460 This is a nice white library.
00:41:01.840 We've hired every Indian security guard from Eaton Center to work here at... 0.98
00:41:06.200 We have half of York Hill Mall.
00:41:07.720 Royal Bank.
00:41:09.460 Fort York.
00:41:10.440 Royal York.
00:41:11.300 Shitter York. 0.64
00:41:12.060 Fort York.
00:41:12.740 Fort York.
00:41:14.060 This is where the white people used to live. 0.83
00:41:16.120 Now it's where all the Indians live. 1.00
00:41:19.780 If you're an Indian, you don't want to live in Brampton. 1.00
00:41:22.400 You live at Fort York.
00:41:23.440 You want to live in a condo?
00:41:25.640 You want to live in 400 square feet for $9,000?
00:41:29.960 400 square feet?
00:41:31.240 By annual?
00:41:32.060 40 relatives.
00:41:34.320 Do you want to live with your whole family inside of the Fort York building?
00:41:38.560 Daniel Boardman's like, can you stop saying things like that?
00:41:44.680 Because we really are.
00:41:45.880 We're running for office.
00:41:47.560 I know.
00:41:48.120 Daniel Boardman.
00:41:50.180 Daniel, if people don't know, Daniel Boardman is a guy you used to go to Queens with and then
00:41:54.680 he failed as a comedian and now he's...
00:41:56.400 That I used to go to Queens with, yeah.
00:41:57.880 And now he's a conservative journalist.
00:42:01.500 Pundit?
00:42:02.000 Yeah.
00:42:02.500 And he really wants Ben to win because it'll save his career.
00:42:06.140 Yeah.
00:42:06.400 Because he got sued by some guy for like...
00:42:08.840 Saying the N word or something?
00:42:09.800 600 grand for calling him a terrorist.
00:42:13.240 Oh my God. 1.00
00:42:14.500 He got fucked. 1.00
00:42:15.660 Yeah. 1.00
00:42:15.940 So now he's like, please, Ben, we need this one for me.
00:42:20.260 I'm going to coffee.
00:42:21.180 This is why I want my own studio. 0.98
00:42:22.340 I want to have like a fucking mini bar. 0.98
00:42:24.020 I want to have a drink. 0.99
00:42:24.800 I know.
00:42:25.000 We need to have like just like a...
00:42:26.380 Every time we do a podcast, it's like we just show up and we're like...
00:42:29.380 And then 20 minutes later, we're like, okay, hi, welcome to the show.
00:42:36.580 Welcome.
00:42:37.080 We're totally not stressed and angry.
00:42:38.720 I know.
00:42:40.460 Or something horrible happens in my personal life. 0.98
00:42:43.480 And then I show up and I'm just like, fuck, I don't want to talk about the balloon. 0.99
00:42:46.740 I have my girl like just an argument before I came here and I'm like, fuck, I got to do 0.99
00:42:51.300 the podcast. 0.99
00:42:52.040 I have a coffee and a cigarette.
00:42:53.700 Well, you shouldn't have said that.
00:42:55.140 Oh, I know.
00:42:56.000 She listens to this.
00:42:56.920 It's fine.
00:42:57.700 It's fine.
00:42:58.220 Oh, yeah.
00:42:58.720 Sure.
00:42:59.080 Yeah.
00:42:59.540 It's fine.
00:43:00.560 It's never fine.
00:43:01.580 It's never fine.
00:43:02.360 Can't talk about anything.
00:43:03.400 Can't.
00:43:03.800 No.
00:43:04.180 Well, you're a comedian.
00:43:04.980 Do you want to talk about your life?
00:43:06.800 Can't.
00:43:06.900 You can talk about it on stage.
00:43:07.800 You're going to ruin it if you talk about it.
00:43:10.940 Yeah.
00:43:11.560 And I, uh, your, your girlfriend came to support you.
00:43:14.660 Yeah.
00:43:14.820 She did come to on Tuesday, which was sweet of her, her and her cousin.
00:43:18.280 They want to.
00:43:18.960 It's funny.
00:43:19.560 Just like seeing a 23 year old try to like be explained like the dream of a comedian,
00:43:24.120 like a 23 year old girl.
00:43:25.360 Cause you're just like, so like I come here every week and then like what now I can do
00:43:30.680 instead of Tuesday, I come on a Wednesday.
00:43:33.720 She was asking me, she was like, so are you signed or like, what is this?
00:43:37.000 Do you get paid or?
00:43:37.480 And they're like, no, but like they're going to like use my free labor to like attract more
00:43:44.360 people to come to the team.
00:43:46.180 No, I know they don't get it.
00:43:48.500 But yeah, no, it's well, cause paying your dues, women don't really, women don't have 1.00
00:43:52.980 to pay their dues.
00:43:53.460 I mean, they do if they're really passionate about something and like, you know, that's 0.93
00:43:56.900 why I want my daughter to fucking play violin or something where it's like you pay your 1.00
00:44:00.740 dues. 0.99
00:44:01.060 You, you have to practice, you have to do these things.
00:44:03.340 You got to do stuff.
00:44:04.460 But you know, if you just, if you're just, your dream is being hot, being hot and you're 1.00
00:44:10.260 already hot and people just want to fuck you. 1.00
00:44:12.480 I mean, you're not, what is paying your dues? 1.00
00:44:14.680 Like there's no sucking a dick. 1.00
00:44:16.580 Not really. 1.00
00:44:17.640 No, but that's kind of the do, I guess.
00:44:19.860 If the guys actually, well, but a lot of those aren't like, weren't like, no, only if
00:44:26.920 you're married to some guy and that's true.
00:44:30.120 I guess you're right.
00:44:30.820 Yeah. 1.00
00:44:30.960 I guess if you're just going on sucking random dicks, that's not paying dues for 1.00
00:44:36.060 anything. 1.00
00:44:36.380 That's just being stupid and, you know, sucking too much dick, I guess, or not enough. 1.00
00:44:43.700 I don't know. 1.00
00:44:44.100 It depends on what side of the spectrum today was, there's like, what am I like? 0.98
00:44:49.980 And I shouldn't even look at this shit, but one of my followers whose profile picture 0.99
00:44:53.880 is literally just like a dog. 1.00
00:44:55.900 Oh no. 0.99
00:44:56.840 And he's just like, this guy's a phony.
00:44:59.000 I listen to his podcast and he's a liberal and he's left wing. 1.00
00:45:03.920 And I'm like, you're actually retarded. 1.00
00:45:07.420 But like, compared to somebody who's so far right that they don't enter. 0.99
00:45:11.980 But it's like, if your picture, if your profile picture for any social media is like your dog 0.89
00:45:16.680 or like you with a mask on or one of those, or like your leg or like, you know, shitty 0.92
00:45:23.900 quote, car or anything like that, you don't deserve to have an opinion. 1.00
00:45:28.360 You're not a smart person.
00:45:30.300 You're not confident enough to have a proper social media picture. 1.00
00:45:35.400 You're just a loser. 1.00
00:45:36.220 And nobody cares what you think, no matter what. 1.00
00:45:40.340 But there are people on both sides like that.
00:45:41.940 There's people on the right with a picture of their dog and there's people on the left
00:45:44.740 with a picture of your dog. 1.00
00:45:45.780 Also, all the boomer women on Facebook that comment on my shit, they go, if this isn't 1.00
00:45:51.600 a comedy, I'm worried about how horrible things are getting. 1.00
00:45:56.400 And you have a blurry picture that somebody took of you and you live in some shit small 1.00
00:46:01.040 town with bad internet, shut the fuck up, delete Facebook, go like either go hang out 1.00
00:46:08.300 with your family or kill yourself because nobody cares about you at all. 1.00
00:46:14.600 And yes, please buy tickets to the show, support on Patreon. 0.99
00:46:18.320 This is where we would care about you, boomers. 0.95
00:46:21.820 And like all the boomers, I don't know how many boomers, I want to know how many boomers 0.97
00:46:25.820 listen to this podcast, how many Gen Zs, how many millennials, how many Gen X.
00:46:31.040 But why are these people not listening and supporting?
00:46:37.400 If you're a boomer, you need to give me money because you have too much money. 0.99
00:46:42.200 Yeah, you're going to die soon. 1.00
00:46:43.400 You're dying. 0.94
00:46:44.680 You don't want to give it to your kids.
00:46:46.380 If you're a boomer, you need to start giving me money on a monthly basis.
00:46:50.900 You have too much money.
00:46:51.980 You have a house that you paid off.
00:46:53.700 You have a mortgage that you paid off.
00:46:55.540 You have equity.
00:46:56.660 You have stocks. 1.00
00:46:57.840 You have, you know, what's the other shit that they have? 0.99
00:47:02.040 Not bonds. 0.99
00:47:03.240 Manulife, financial, whatever.
00:47:05.300 You have things that come in the mail every month.
00:47:08.840 If you're a boomer.
00:47:09.880 Oh, pension.
00:47:10.280 And you open it and it says how much money you have.
00:47:14.920 So $6 a month, you can pay me on Patreon.
00:47:22.160 This is not going towards the mayoral campaign.
00:47:25.660 This is going towards my personal finances so that I can afford to do the podcast, not in a public library where there's people overdosing right next door.
00:47:37.300 That's my PSA to the boomers. 1.00
00:47:39.080 My PSA to the Gen Xers. 1.00
00:47:41.980 Same thing.
00:47:43.160 You have too much money, too.
00:47:45.060 Everybody except millennials has money, basically.
00:47:47.540 Basically.
00:47:48.160 Millennials are poor. 1.00
00:47:49.160 Gen Z is rich somehow. 1.00
00:47:51.000 Because of their parents and then crypto being sluts. 1.00
00:47:54.820 Yeah. 0.99
00:47:55.240 That's really it.
00:47:56.000 It's like if you're my age, you have money. 0.99
00:47:57.880 Every fucking 23-year-old girl is like, I have like 30 grand in my bank account. 1.00
00:48:01.040 I don't know why. 1.00
00:48:01.900 I don't know. 1.00
00:48:02.340 Because I'm a whore. 1.00
00:48:02.920 Yeah, literally. 1.00
00:48:05.140 And every dude's like, I have fucking $300. 0.97
00:48:09.000 I have 300 bucks. 0.99
00:48:10.860 I'm going to go with Spanx.
00:48:12.200 Just give me 20 bucks. 0.99
00:48:13.480 I'm doing a fucking hula lounge. 0.99
00:48:14.660 And every 23-year-old girl is like, I don't know. 0.99
00:48:19.080 Should we go to Ibiza again?
00:48:21.260 I know.
00:48:21.980 Yeah.
00:48:22.280 It's like I just spent like three months in Paris because my mom died and I was really
00:48:25.280 sad.
00:48:26.560 It's the worst.
00:48:28.480 How come every, yeah, every time, every girl that you date, their grandma dies, I feel
00:48:33.060 like, when you date them.
00:48:35.020 Yeah.
00:48:36.840 Yeah.
00:48:37.740 Every girl.
00:48:38.300 It's like, my grandma's dad again.
00:48:40.600 I feel like that's just an excuse.
00:48:42.360 Yeah.
00:48:42.600 It's just on my grandma's dad. 1.00
00:48:44.160 She's just sucking some guy's dick. 1.00
00:48:46.600 I don't know. 1.00
00:48:47.000 My grandma died at 3 a.m. at fucking John in Richmond. 1.00
00:48:54.660 I sucked a dick outside Rudy Burger. 1.00
00:48:57.780 Yeah. 1.00
00:48:59.420 I sucked a dick in an alleyway last night and my grandma died. 1.00
00:49:02.500 I don't know. 1.00
00:49:03.440 I don't think it was related.
00:49:04.640 So, yeah.
00:49:09.640 Otherwise, like, what's the next level?
00:49:11.240 I'm going to have to start flying balloons around.
00:49:13.220 I'm going to be mad.
00:49:14.360 People are still not giving me money.
00:49:15.900 What's going on?
00:49:16.540 Is this not funny where you're not entertained for?
00:49:21.500 Now, whether you're listening to, you're listening to Tim Dillon, you're listening to, you're
00:49:25.160 listening to Joe Rogan.
00:49:26.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:29.380 Joe Rogan, who's an anti-Semite.
00:49:31.120 He doesn't like the Jews. 0.84
00:49:32.680 I know your dad hates Joe Rogan.
00:49:34.500 I don't know why, but, yeah. 0.99
00:49:36.060 My dad liked Joe Rogan, and then he's on some weird Jewish Facebook psychotic boomer bullshit. 1.00
00:49:44.680 Some WhatsApp group. 0.99
00:49:46.280 Some, like, five-second clip where Joe Rogan's like, oh, well, the Jews do like money, don't 0.99
00:49:52.920 they?
00:49:53.260 I'm like, that's like, so I like money?
00:49:55.180 You think I like money?
00:49:56.120 I'm like, yeah.
00:49:56.720 All you talk about is money.
00:49:58.440 You actually tried to ruin our relationship because I wanted to be a comedian.
00:50:02.220 You wanted to go to Midas.
00:50:03.900 Yeah, because I wanted to go to Midas instead of some Russian Jewish mechanic. 1.00
00:50:07.360 Some, like, Russian guy that stole these parts off his shipping container. 0.99
00:50:11.400 It's like, oh, $9, $1,500?
00:50:12.860 You're going to go to Midas?
00:50:14.080 You want to go to Kaikas?
00:50:17.360 Go to Kaikas. 1.00
00:50:20.540 My Kaikas. 0.52
00:50:21.700 You don't want to get your coffexed by a Jew? 1.00
00:50:23.800 Listen, you know that Jews are the best mechanics. 1.00
00:50:26.320 You want to get your coffexed by a half Filipino, half Fijian? 0.98
00:50:30.280 The Indian guy that speaks Filipino? 0.99
00:50:31.940 You want to get your coffexed by the faggy German guy? 1.00
00:50:34.700 Some guy that works at the library? 0.98
00:50:36.820 Do auto tech courses at Central Tech?
00:50:38.900 Now he works at Midas?
00:50:39.740 Yeah, maybe I should do a spin today.
00:50:44.200 That'll cheer you up.
00:50:46.000 Yeah.
00:50:46.260 I want to do, like, spin or other ship today.
00:50:48.700 I could go for other ship. 0.85
00:50:50.040 Let's do other ship. 1.00
00:50:51.020 I have to get my swimsuit, but I'm down.
00:50:54.600 Other stink.
00:50:56.300 Not all over you.
00:50:57.560 Other stink. 0.99
00:50:58.360 That's the other ship for Indians. 1.00
00:50:59.860 Yeah.
00:51:00.520 You don't know what other ship is.
00:51:01.860 It's like a sauna. 0.73
00:51:02.560 It's because you're poor.
00:51:03.280 That's why you don't know what other ship is.
00:51:04.640 Sauna steam room bath.
00:51:06.600 It's honestly, like, it's funny going there because you'll do it and then you'll feel great.
00:51:10.900 Like, you just paid $60 to be happy.
00:51:13.540 This guy, like, oh, what's this going on? 1.00
00:51:15.100 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:51:15.800 He's about to rob us, bro. 1.00
00:51:16.920 He's got a mask and a sweatpants.
00:51:19.880 Can they hear us?
00:51:21.000 He's probably studying for his account.
00:51:22.340 It says it's noise proof.
00:51:27.460 I don't know.
00:51:28.180 I kind of like it.
00:51:28.920 Oh, yeah.
00:51:30.220 So, I guess, okay.
00:51:33.080 This podcast wasn't great.
00:51:35.700 It wasn't that.
00:51:36.260 It wasn't the worst we've done.
00:51:37.460 We've done worse.
00:51:38.640 We've done worse.
00:51:39.540 For sure.
00:51:41.800 I want to.
00:51:42.940 I think this episode should have 4,000, 47 million views.
00:51:48.460 It should just have the whole planet. 0.99
00:51:50.220 If you were Mayor of Toronto, I would say put the podcast on a young and Dundas square like 1984.
00:51:57.220 You know what I mean?
00:51:58.100 And just every day, just Ben Bank is like, you know what I mean?
00:52:04.560 You're just going to work on the DTC.
00:52:06.020 This podcast is full blast all day long at Jurassic Park.
00:52:10.180 Yes.
00:52:11.180 That's what it should be.
00:52:12.220 It should just be, please wear a mask on every TV.
00:52:15.440 On repeat.
00:52:16.000 Just from 4 to 5 p.m.
00:52:17.720 Ben Bank is live at Lula Lounge every night.
00:52:20.160 Every day.
00:52:21.380 Every day, 365, Thanksgiving, Christmas.
00:52:25.700 You would defund CP24.
00:52:28.160 Defund Lula Lounge.
00:52:29.600 Defund the police.
00:52:30.620 Defund everything.
00:52:32.620 And transfer the funds into.
00:52:34.380 No, we're kidding.
00:52:35.560 These are jokes.
00:52:37.060 We're not embezzling any funds.
00:52:38.940 We want to run from there.
00:52:39.500 Not even enough money to embezzle.
00:52:41.460 Yeah.
00:52:41.840 I've embezzled $15 from Toronto.
00:52:44.840 How much was the ticket to come see your show?
00:52:48.780 $450.
00:52:49.140 If you don't live in a place where we're doing a show, please think about going on Patreon.
00:52:54.200 Patreon.com slash Ben Bank is right now.
00:52:57.100 We are coming to the shows that we're coming to.
00:53:00.180 So we got this weekend, Friday and Saturday, Niagara Falls, March 9th and 10th, Sudbury, Ontario.
00:53:10.120 Go get tickets.
00:53:11.160 Ben Bank is dot com.
00:53:13.240 March 23rd in Ottawa.
00:53:15.480 We are sold out.
00:53:16.760 So we've added another show Wednesday, March 27th.
00:53:19.140 And you can get tickets as well.
00:53:20.540 Ben Bank is dot com.
00:53:22.320 March 29th, Victoria, B.C.
00:53:25.400 We are coming to Herman's Jazz Lounge. 0.75
00:53:28.840 It's going to be a fun ass show.
00:53:32.380 I think it's going to be similar. 0.95
00:53:33.620 It's going to be.
00:53:34.300 It's like it's kind of like a Lula Lounge.
00:53:36.760 It's going to be just a great vibe.
00:53:38.060 So it's going to be a classy vibe.
00:53:40.540 Then the next night, 30th of March, Surrey, B.C.
00:53:46.300 1st of April, Vancouver.
00:53:49.620 We just sold out the early show.
00:53:51.560 So we just added a 1030 p.m. show that's at the Hastings Racetrack and Casino.
00:53:58.840 Let's go.
00:53:59.540 I'm going to spend my paycheck on a horse.
00:54:00.940 It's going to be a degenerate evening.
00:54:02.600 And then after that, we are going to Kelowna, April 4th.
00:54:10.300 Then Calgary, April 6th.
00:54:13.040 There's not that many tickets left.
00:54:15.260 Go get tickets for Calgary, April 6th.
00:54:18.060 Edmonton, April 7th.
00:54:21.500 Red Deer, April 8th.
00:54:23.180 Fort McMurray, April 9th.
00:54:25.260 Saskatoon, April 14th.
00:54:30.920 Regina, April 15th.
00:54:32.960 And then Winnipeg, April 21, 22, 23, 27, 28, 29.
00:54:38.600 We're doing 10 shows in Winnipeg. 0.97
00:54:42.620 So it's not like, you know, I probably would have made more money if I had just rented a fucking theater and sold 300 tickets and done one show and left. 0.98
00:54:52.960 But it's a Yuck Yucks thing. 0.98
00:54:55.540 I'm going to be hanging out for a couple weeks in Winnipeg.
00:54:58.380 And I'm sure we're going to do some other spots in and around Winnipeg.
00:55:02.540 But that's at the new Winnipeg Yuck Yucks, new competition for Rumors. 0.99
00:55:06.800 It's at a sick-ass, sick hotel. 0.99
00:55:09.980 Apparently, it's in a sick hotel. 0.99
00:55:11.560 I haven't seen it.
00:55:12.400 It looks great.
00:55:13.320 I looked it up.
00:55:13.660 Have you seen what the club looks like?
00:55:15.620 I saw the club, yeah.
00:55:16.780 I saw the video of Breslin, like, opening up, cutting the retail.
00:55:18.920 And it looks pretty good, man.
00:55:20.780 It's like Burlington Yucks.
00:55:21.860 There you go.
00:55:22.040 It's pretty good.
00:55:22.920 Burlington Yucks.
00:55:24.060 Come to Burlington Yucks in Winnipeg.
00:55:27.920 We moved Wendell Clucks.
00:55:29.660 Wendell Clucks, Winnipeg.
00:55:31.440 Ben Bank is flagships.
00:55:34.720 So 10 shows.
00:55:36.300 And I think Armin's probably going to be there, too.
00:55:38.620 Hopefully.
00:55:39.140 I emailed them today, actually. 0.99
00:55:40.640 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:55:42.160 She said, give me a day to think about how Iranian he is. 1.00
00:55:46.340 We're going to let an Iranian in? 1.00
00:55:47.740 I don't know.
00:55:48.420 I'm going to ask Breslin. 1.00
00:55:49.400 Breslin's going to say, what the fuck? 1.00
00:55:51.180 Absolutely not. 0.99
00:55:52.040 He's barely on Wednesdays.
00:55:56.000 Now he's doing 10 shows in Winnipeg.
00:55:57.800 And now we're sending him across the country.
00:56:00.460 Okay.
00:56:00.760 Can you play for his flight and his hotel and food?
00:56:03.120 So anyway, thank you guys so much.
00:56:05.780 Support the show.
00:56:06.920 Thank you for supporting the show by watching it.
00:56:09.640 Even if you don't give us money, we're obviously joking.
00:56:15.020 Don't have to give us money to support us.
00:56:17.440 But if you don't give us money, you're... 1.00
00:56:19.160 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:56:19.780 See? 1.00
00:56:20.580 See? 1.00
00:56:21.060 If you had given us fucking money on Patreon, we could have hired a little Chinese boy or 1.00
00:56:27.420 girl or trans to push the button. 0.99
00:56:30.780 Anyway, we love you guys.
00:56:32.880 Bye.