Bankas Podcast - Spies at Yuk Yuk's ｜ The Bankas Show

00:00:00.000 yeah it's for our camera we need yeah we need to uh record this podcast and get famous so that

00:00:04.720 thank you thank you we'll do it i think we're recording yeah we're recording

00:00:12.980 that was nice we have our own uh audio tech guy yeah chinese dude an autistic guy with a mask

00:00:19.440 what a beautiful place to what type of wire you need

00:00:25.700 welcome to uh trans world i want to be trans i think that's the way forward for this campaign

00:00:34.460 is to fully transition to chinese i'm gonna staple my eyelids closed yeah you're gonna

00:00:43.520 own and manage your kuman i'm gonna own and manage a variety store you just you start learning

00:00:52.020 cantonese and you also start learning how to play piano every time i do this podcast i like don't

00:00:57.200 even want to talk as soon as by the time by the time we get it all set up we find all the chords

00:01:03.420 i know i'm just like you know what guys no we're gonna start over we're gonna start over we're

00:01:10.080 not this is all just this is all just warming up how's it going man perfect thank you very much

00:01:14.840 he just dropped it on a chair like we're in prison he almost fell over from his eighth vaccine

00:01:22.060 we will be performing in the following places coming up uh march 9th and 10th sudbury ontario

00:01:33.660 go get tickets uh the march 10th and sudbury's already sold out march 9th go get tickets we got

00:01:40.620 an article coming out in the sudbury star so uh if that doesn't move tickets i don't know what will

00:01:46.820 then we have shows uh march 22nd ottawa yuck yucks ottawa west uh the first show is sold well it was the

00:01:57.580 first show that we had up was sold out that's the 23rd of march um and then 24th and 25th i'll be at

00:02:04.020 yuck yucks uh carlton place on tour okay then we have march 29th victoria bc it took a lot to get

00:02:16.840 this gig going because we got canceled from the first venue but we're at i can't even say it uh

00:02:23.660 herman's jazz lounge march 29th march 30th yuck yuck surrey bc uh we have like four tickets left i don't

00:02:33.280 even i don't know um yuck yucks vancouver march uh sorry april 1st late show early show sold out

00:02:41.580 late show 10 30 p.m then we have april uh 6th calgary also almost sold out i think there's less

00:02:52.380 than like 20 tickets left um so go get tickets for that uh we might do a second show if we sell out

00:02:59.620 we'll see then we're doing yuck uh not yuck yucks it's uh uh theater in edmonton a um called the

00:03:07.720 french theater and it's going to be epic we're about half sold out there's 300 seats uh in this

00:03:16.080 place and uh if you want to get a ticket right now we're doing 20 off with promo code mayor in all

00:03:23.780 capital letters and uh after that edmonton then we have some shows uh some of them are confirmed

00:03:31.220 some of them are not so uh fort mcmurray and red deer are coming up but we don't have links for that

00:03:37.740 i forgot mark april 4th colonna bc um we're gonna be there what are you looking at i'm trying to get

00:03:45.700 the star article the star yeah the sudberry star no it's not out yet oh the sudberry star uh article

00:03:53.000 with uh mike bullard that we're gonna talk about then we have um yeah colonna bc april 4th get

00:04:02.540 tickets it's at runaways we're doing it with train wreck comedy which basically means there's a guy who's

00:04:09.320 gonna take some of my money but that's okay because other i didn't want to perform in a place with pool

00:04:14.080 tables so uh april 4th get tickets to that colonna april 14th saskatoon at the plaza hotel

00:04:24.060 april 15th regina at some other place i don't know where it is then we have april uh

00:04:32.920 21st till for two weeks i'm for two weekends i'm gonna be in winnipeg at the new yuck yucks in the

00:04:41.720 basement of it's a hotel it's a nice hotel i forget what it's called i should probably know but

00:04:46.960 then march 4th or sorry may 4th uh we'll be back in ontario kingston ontario may the 4th

00:04:57.500 be with you welcome to the show everybody uh if you are a listener please hit the like button

00:05:06.220 subscribe follow if you're on spotify leave us a review on spotify leave us a review on apple

00:05:12.280 podcasts um leave a comment on youtube send this shit to your friends stop being a fucking

00:05:18.860 bitch

00:05:20.780 as i said that a security guard walked by the door because we are doing this podcast at a public

00:05:28.680 library because you guys do not give us uh money which is fine but if you love my comedy you want

00:05:35.580 to support further you want extra bonus content and know that you are um you know helping this

00:05:42.360 train keep a roll and you can go to patreon.com slash ben bank is similar to netflix you can sign

00:05:50.080 up for less than netflix for six bucks a month you get uh three bonus podcasts a month um that you can't

00:05:58.980 find anywhere else we post a bunch of other random stuff sometimes videos that theresa tams and stuff

00:06:04.160 like that that are a little too much that go up on the old patreon give me some of your water

00:06:11.500 i puked last night you did puke in front of i've puked in front of a large group of comedians

00:06:26.520 because i ate a uh some chinese food from a mall food court and you were just trying to support

00:06:33.820 chinese culture and this is how yeah that's how they treated you they had sri lankans working there

00:06:38.220 but it was authentic chinese and then uh i know it was authentic chinese because i puked after so you

00:06:46.120 know it was real no it was shit it was garbage and then i puked in front that was my entrance to yuck yucks

00:06:52.820 as i drove there and i almost hit one of the comedians in my car and then i parked and then i

00:06:58.260 puked park and puke it's probably the funniest bit i've ever seen and then i did uh seven minutes of

00:07:06.120 the best comedy i just made fun of there was a chinese guy in the front row i just kept making

00:07:11.520 fun of him and for looking like he was a cyclist um yeah that guy was like a spy and then he was like

00:07:18.520 a spy he came up to you after he was like what's your name ben bankers look how fast it comes up

00:07:23.180 it was terrible it was weird and then he was just like where are you from when you're chinese what's

00:07:28.680 your background i know yeah so now they're spies you you genuinely think the chinese are gonna spy on

00:07:35.280 you well why wouldn't they i'm running for mayor i have 64 000 followers i'm the only

00:07:41.620 influencer who's like yeah they think you're just influencing chinese racism

00:07:47.600 they wouldn't really care about that i think that more so they they almost i don't know what i

00:07:53.520 don't know maybe they want to i think they want to hire me and be like let's bring ben bankers to

00:07:57.680 china make him though because honestly if china was like hey look we'll pay you like 30 million

00:08:02.580 dollars u.s to just say you love china but still do the accent i love it oh this is such a nice price

00:08:10.620 i would love that yeah i knew i had this girlfriend in like university and her cousin who i met like

00:08:18.760 once was like a fame like he made like four million dollars a year like in china he was one of those

00:08:23.340 guys eh he's just a one of the he spoke perfect chinese though but he was like in china as a white

00:08:28.240 guy speaking chinese doing like ads that's just for random companies and yeah he was you can just

00:08:34.380 fucking kill it like that so i know china might be the way to go he's like he's like a scout it's

00:08:41.820 like the old fact it's like what i always wanted to happen for me in hockey but now it's happening for

00:08:46.180 like chinese media we want you to make propaganda we want you we want you to teach the canadian people

00:08:54.160 today are now enslaved people are going a little hard though i don't know i don't even care anymore

00:09:01.640 oh yeah that was the weirdest part about the interaction with that guy was when i was like

00:09:06.440 what do you think of hand dong oh yeah he was like he's my friend he was like he's my best friend i

00:09:10.860 love hand dob this is real guys outside of a yuck yucks last night chinese guy was in the audience

00:09:18.020 front row at amateur night i did five minutes he came outside he was like he basically made it seem

00:09:23.060 like he already followed me on instagram he's like yes yes i already and then he just handed me the

00:09:26.960 phone i typed it in was it yahweh it was a huawei phone oh my god it might have been no yeah it was

00:09:33.760 definitely not a iphone oh yeah it was it looked really brick oh yeah it was that was the name of

00:09:38.340 the phone uh yeah so anyway he started asking me weird questions where am i from is your first born a

00:09:48.320 girl how many children do you have for you fuck i know it's bad great the bank is murdered for making

00:09:58.040 spy balloon parody that video has like 500 000 views that's probably what what it is he's probably so

00:10:04.640 maybe you're telling me not one chinese spy not just got wind of that there's one official in china

00:10:11.000 that got sent that he's like we're gonna take care of this guy find out who he is and where he does

00:10:16.020 fuck man i really hope we don't get killed by the chinese government because to people i don't

00:10:21.820 what it doesn't make it wouldn't make any sense well they would just make it like a suicide no

00:10:25.800 they'd be like two sad comedians ben bank has cured himself at the library at the fort york

00:10:31.240 i know that's like the scary like i feel like being in canada maybe it is like people are like it's

00:10:37.420 not like china it's like oh yeah okay start well are we being spied on like is the podcast being spied on

00:10:43.100 by every patreon subscribers a chinese old chinese guy looks like jackie chan

00:10:49.220 it's funny because my child my favorite show growing up was the jackie chan oh that jackie

00:10:55.620 cartoon yeah so you more quick wi-fi d show you more quick wi-fi and i grow up and a guy who looks

00:11:03.060 like jackie chan's dad is like oh ben the bankers i went to curiofamery because he made a spy baroon

00:11:13.120 joke now i'm scared are you scared no no i think you're just paranoid you do this all the time you

00:11:20.920 you'll you'll like meet someone who's like socially awkward and you'll be like that was a csis agent

00:11:24.680 like no it's just a dude with autism like they're just weird yeah well remember the chinese guy with

00:11:30.820 the mask on who came to my show at the royal oh yeah just sat at the back alone oh yeah and just

00:11:37.240 like took notes and had a badge on that said ccp well maybe he was just like a journalist for like

00:11:44.220 a markham newspaper and they were like we're going to write the hit piece and destroy him and like you

00:11:48.820 know no one no one knows how to read chinese yeah it's just all like chinese it's like the most

00:11:53.540 the most bad damn am i a racist i just find i actually love chinese culture that's like part of it's

00:11:59.460 like it's not really me like yeah i love it we should go to china honestly i want to go to

00:12:06.360 china that's why i want this guy to like scout me and be like if you stop being racist

00:12:10.080 but is it racism or is it fucking hilarious because i think that like chinese people think

00:12:19.140 white people are hilarious because it's just hello hi if you if you weren't white and you saw like

00:12:25.500 that's what but people like hate like white culture but what is white culture just lacrosse

00:12:30.880 and fucking walmart chicken scoops like dog shit yeah well i mean like real white culture is like

00:12:37.920 bagpipes and like like it's like different from country to country obviously it's like then that's

00:12:43.000 not even white then that's like german and scottish but like white culture is like going to hockey

00:12:47.160 9 a.m with fucking coffee and fuck timmies and you're driving to like a native reserve to buy

00:12:53.060 cigarettes telling your kids you're going to disney world and just taking them to a tp being woke is

00:12:59.540 white yeah that is the honestly white white culture is being like you kind of you shouldn't say that

00:13:04.800 and also how dare you suggest that handong with the chinese it was like way better when white people

00:13:10.400 were just being like you can't use that washroom i mean like when they were racist and it was all like

00:13:15.780 it was better and then now it's just like can't say that joke i'm gonna ruin your time still i work

00:13:20.520 for chinese paris station what is your name ben ben course you made the video at the mark

00:13:27.300 yeah you're gonna have a balloon just fly by your apartment blow up take you out like the

00:13:35.340 hindenburg it's like a lantern with a fire under it

00:13:39.780 you've been banned from pokemon go

00:13:45.580 you need to pokemon go fuck yourself in your apartment a fucking charizard comes in just

00:13:51.900 lights you on fire dog bro yo i'm in trouble in china dog my country doesn't have an army so

00:13:59.300 they're kind of just spying on me out and open out yuck yucks

00:14:02.040 the canadian military extradites you to china yeah they're like honestly take them

00:14:07.700 kill them put them in their camp and ching ching i know like i bet i bet if you were

00:14:12.280 one of those like canadians that gets trapped overseas and then trudeau has to make that deal

00:14:17.240 he just looks you up and he's like just all your videos of like i'm trudeau and i'm gay and he'd be

00:14:21.640 like fuck this guy just hang up just leave you to rot yeah fuck scared to leave the country for

00:14:28.480 that reason i don't want to go to china i don't want to fucking go to china come on you want to go to

00:14:32.760 china oh no not with that hat you gotta get a rice hat

00:14:38.340 you gotta be ballin just dress as just like a masseuse just hanging out in china

00:14:44.700 ronan lived in china really ronan lived in china yeah our friend ronan that's a that's

00:14:52.220 who runs a lot of he runs the jewish comedy festival by the way there is a jewish comedy festival show

00:14:56.860 happening in ottawa i think it's sold out already though i'm also hosting that the 21st of march

00:15:01.800 it's a jewish comedy festival it's happening at 3 p.m

00:15:07.800 there's wheelchair access

00:15:10.860 it was funny he did like a jewish comedy festival show in hamilton ontario oh my god and like no like

00:15:20.120 i was like how many jews are here and like nobody was jewish it was just a bunch of like white people

00:15:24.060 like i want to say jew where did jews i thought we killed them all there's still some left

00:15:31.120 what a nightmare it could be worse you could have just been coming back from the ukraine like our

00:15:40.820 you know our friend mike bullard oh yeah mike bullard who if people don't know who mike bullard is

00:15:45.260 he hosted a comedy show in uh canada sorry it was like a late night show it was canada's only ever

00:15:52.060 a real late night show that was on tv yeah that's sick like uh yeah so it was actually he was like

00:15:57.360 competing at the time with like letterman in those really yeah wow i think he might have even been on

00:16:03.820 like their probably to like promote it because it was kind of like making a you know it was a thing

00:16:09.540 yeah it's canada's first like the masonic temple the same place that they filmed like all the comedy

00:16:14.740 now specials basically wow and it was like every week and it was sick and you know obviously it

00:16:21.760 just i forget why it was on for like eight years or longer but then all this shit happened with him

00:16:26.960 and blah blah i don't know what happened and then yeah yeah and then you know yeah so this guy he's

00:16:33.320 like old now he's like 60 and he went to the ukraine fucking crazy to just like volunteer and shit

00:16:39.780 anyway there's a whole article i don't know what we're allowed to say because he told us some shit i

00:16:43.140 don't know what the fuck we're allowed to say so you can check that out but we should get him on

00:16:48.320 the pod apparently almost fought a comic the other day oh maybe we shouldn't get him on the pod

00:16:55.700 yeah get him to fight some homeless people here at the library

00:16:58.860 it's funny because i look i love wearing this hat at the library too because you get whatever you want

00:17:05.380 like nobody can be like sir that's a women's washroom yeah i got the hat on

00:17:11.960 fuck we should see what you can get away with with that hat

00:17:17.200 ben bankers arrested puking in the alleyway went to legoland

00:17:24.880 it's a good hat if it didn't have the honestly it is a nice hat but the gay thing is

00:17:31.700 it's just hilarious that they would even be selling these i know in february

00:17:36.800 it's like it doesn't like if it was pride month or something like but like

00:17:40.900 every day is pride month well they probably just didn't sell them all from pride month

00:17:44.900 and they still just have them every fucking pride month is pride it's it's a pride year

00:17:49.660 it's just every year forever now pretty much right yeah it seems like it because nobody you can't

00:17:56.800 you're not allowed to like take issue with it i like that we did that i think it's like if you

00:18:04.000 can't beat them join them just go way harder i like that we did the pride year thing for gay people

00:18:10.600 and we never did for for black people what the fuck yeah what is

00:18:14.840 because you don't see like black black history shit black year yeah you don't see like yeah

00:18:24.940 that's pretty a tudman in the bank that's harder to sell when you have all those videos

00:18:28.240 on twitter walk into rbc you just see martin luther king

00:18:31.160 happy black history month here's a video of a ctc is free this month seven black dude beating the

00:18:37.440 shit out of his 57 year old teacher you see that video no i don't think you sent it to me

00:18:42.600 the blind side yeah it's like this guy's like 300 pounds he just like beats the shit out of his

00:18:48.100 teacher for no reason she took his i she took his uh nintendo switch so he like beat her like

00:18:54.060 basically to death well yeah he's autistic he started to you know stim freaked out on her

00:19:00.400 yeah he was retarded so that all the racist people on twitter were like this is why we should be not

00:19:09.860 allowed then you're like what no the guy's like has he's a guy's seven feet tall and he's like 12

00:19:14.920 he's not he's a normal this is the average black man like no what's it what's her name from the

00:19:21.720 blind side what's her name uh fuck brook brook what the fuck sandra bullock sandra bullock

00:19:28.280 sandra bullard sandra mike bullard but no yeah like sandra bullock

00:19:35.280 yeah it'd be funny if after like the kid beat the shit out of that teacher they were just like

00:19:41.400 get sandra bullock we need to save this kid just a zoom call or they're just like get this kid a

00:19:47.960 scholarship he just beat the fuck out of that bitch you are now first line you ever played

00:19:55.140 rugby before a kid holy shit hell of an arm the gym coach comes in like listen hey hey i know what

00:20:05.460 he did was wrong but we've been losing for a lot of years she's in a wheelchair but we also have a

00:20:11.480 championship trophy so think about it we get more budget making wheelchair accessible this is a

00:20:15.620 blessing in disguise starting an mma team all the kids who beat the shit out of their teachers to

00:20:19.820 one inch from death will be have a free scholarship to yale that's what they should do if you beat the

00:20:27.840 shit out of your teacher be like that's a scholarship right there to wrestling yeah

00:20:31.820 andrew tate university andrew hustlers you're gonna get a scholarship to hustler university

00:20:37.380 yeah people are violent it's scary it is scary i feel like everyone's more violent now

00:20:49.440 i hate what i hate drunk people i hate people who get drunk and then they're like

00:20:53.620 like last night one of our buddies oh yeah he like molested you just like like grab like you know it's

00:21:00.520 just like bro what what the fuck is that like it's just insane it's not a way to act in public

00:21:05.480 unless you're bullying someone like dave luca or something there's a guy named dave luca that i

00:21:11.300 i condone i think that's okay that's the only yeah if you guys ever see dave luca in the streets

00:21:16.080 mayor bankis as you would know because you'd see him and go fuck i want to push that guy into

00:21:20.720 i think that's just you

00:21:22.620 no um but seriously it's crazy no it is it is i don't even think i never do that with him like

00:21:31.020 drunkenly like

00:21:31.880 bro i'll just be like

00:21:35.380 he threw an orange at my face oh yeah that was a really funny night yeah

00:21:43.340 we got assaulted by a cbc reporter oh yeah costed and trans people oh yeah there was one trans person

00:21:57.440 right before we were filming the mayor video we were outside union station and like some guy just

00:22:04.180 came up to us and was like hi i'm from cbc and i'd like to ask you some questions and we're like what

00:22:08.380 the fuck yeah and i was like i'm running for mayor bitch and he was like oh that's tough you're not

00:22:13.560 gonna get it because you're not a fan

00:22:15.140 so uh then he asked us about the four-day work week which we didn't really give a fuck about yeah

00:22:24.640 what the fuck is that we're about to go to war with china and we're like we should work less

00:22:29.640 exactly it's the end of the world and they're like well what if we work 23 hours a week

00:22:37.340 i mean all the uh indian people at mcdonald's are still going to work 70 hours for 12 an hour

00:22:43.640 i know what if all the white people in the office buildings only work two days a week isn't that nice

00:22:49.900 i know the only people the only people that get excited over a four-day work week are white people

00:22:55.320 too oh we can go to the cottage on thursday night just go to the cottage

00:23:00.200 we're trying to make a new holiday for whites called cottage weekends forever

00:23:05.160 every weekend's cottage week every weekend oh you can't afford one oh you work at subway

00:23:11.920 disgusting i hope you work 90 hours now guess you should have been born here like me

00:23:17.100 it's unfortunate oh your parents didn't leave you three million dollars

00:23:22.220 loser i had a home in the beaches when i was 25 years old

00:23:27.060 my dad gave me fifty thousand dollars for a down payment it's like what the fuck it literally

00:23:34.100 is just it is that it is it's literally like how do we make life and those are the people are like

00:23:38.460 how do i sign up for patreon it's very complicated it was easier to get three million dollars for my

00:23:44.200 dead aunt and getting signing up for your honestly covid was the best thing that happened to me it killed

00:23:50.220 all my rich relatives now i've made it

00:23:53.120 oh you're not jewish

00:23:57.100 you weren't born in the annex were you scar bro back of the line to you oh that's why you work at hooters

00:24:04.160 yeah fucking hooters sucks

00:24:06.600 yo scar bro bro i work at hooters my girl works at hooters

00:24:11.660 bro i sent her to hooters with a bruise she doesn't get fucked but it's so fucked up

00:24:21.260 we see that though there's one bar that we branded six buzz on her asshole

00:24:25.600 there's one bar that we we like to go to where there's like a boyfriend who just

00:24:29.760 stares at his girl oh st louis yeah and he's just domestic abuse

00:24:34.340 yeah the bartender like won't like her boyfriend just comes to the bar and hangs out

00:24:39.460 he's just like you better not and he looks so scary and she's just she's like you want another

00:24:43.480 water and he's like no no i fucking hate it you have to sell more blow i feel like i had a

00:24:49.380 relationship like that when i was like 23 like i dated a chick who like worked at a bar yeah go and

00:24:54.240 hang out but it was always shit it's all they want you to just be there like why don't you just

00:24:58.320 why are you leaving because i don't want to have socks fucking i don't want to because your life

00:25:04.140 sucks and you have to be at kelsey's doesn't mean mine out

00:25:06.240 fucking bitch it'll work at fucking chuck's roadhouse oh yeah friday night hanging out with

00:25:12.900 my girl the half off wings the chucks fuck that fuck that shit

00:25:19.340 that's awful that's an awful life to hang out at your girl's work i know at least do something cool

00:25:29.060 like i know guys remember guys like that they be like what are you doing to the oh i'm gonna go

00:25:32.540 see my girl at work at her work no i'm gonna go make sure she's not cheating on me

00:25:37.440 i'm going to my girl's work she's gonna make me a expensive martini she doesn't with no discount

00:25:43.360 i still have to tip her because she's a fucking whore

00:25:45.820 i remember i i uh i used to work at a story i was like a server for a while and like this girl i worked

00:25:54.200 with and i like constantly flirted with her like black boyfriend came in and like got lunch and he

00:25:58.300 didn't tip her he's like hell nah bitch he just got up and left he had like chains on and shit

00:26:06.080 why would you why do you have to like yeah like you're gonna pay for dinner what the fuck is that

00:26:12.880 i know but then she was still like does that even go all to her no it's like split like if it's like

00:26:17.940 on debit like i don't know i'm pretty sure they just there was like a four percent to the kitchen

00:26:22.140 and then the rest was ours yeah working i mean we it's sad because working in a restaurant should

00:26:30.920 be like i don't know people want like there's this idea where it's like i should be i should

00:26:35.640 work at moxie's and be able to afford a fucking six-bedroom condo yeah i know it's like what no

00:26:41.240 why you're stupid because there was like a 10-year period where people like women like sorry but women

00:26:47.380 who hot women would work at these places and they make like 300k working at like

00:26:53.080 moxie's and i work it yeah yeah 300k yeah it's like 15 percent tip yeah that's like chicks who

00:27:03.660 work at earls or something and they're like well i also do only like i also have to fuck the rich

00:27:08.520 lawyers that eat here so like yeah of course you make 300k no with your vagina vagina 300

00:27:16.020 it's fucked up like just being a man you you learn how to misogynistic though we should want

00:27:20.940 women to make money well this is the thing it's like as a man you have a business mindset and like

00:27:25.200 it's like if i had a vagina i'd be a millionaire right now right like every man would be a millionaire

00:27:32.300 if they had a vagina just attach they don't even need to get rid of their penis they could just be

00:27:36.300 like look fuck is that how andrew tate got rich he has a vagina he's really surviving in prison right

00:27:41.100 now thank god i have a vagina in prison it's on the back of his head like harry potter when he

00:27:47.000 unwraps the pussy yeah that's the thing i mean no they i mean no they shouldn't new law women can't

00:27:58.520 use money i mean that would solve a lot of societal problems wouldn't it may honestly maybe yeah you

00:28:06.820 don't have to go to with your girl to winters no more why well she can't use money well then you

00:28:12.520 have to go oh hey for it just make more societal oh it probably would be bad domestic abuse up 100

00:28:18.540 percent

00:28:19.100 you

Bankas Podcast - March 02, 2023

Spies at Yuk Yuk's ｜ The Bankas Show - #017

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript