Bankas Podcast - December 22, 2023


Chinese Accent or Whale Sonar ｜ The Bankas Show - #038


Episode Stats

Length

45 minutes

Words per Minute

144.62828

Word Count

6,521

Sentence Count

688

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

28


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Baker Show, we have a guest on the show, the frog god! We talk about the new year, food, and other random stuff. Also, we talk about Alex Jones and his new documentary, "Eugenics."

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Welcome to the show, folks. This is episode 38 of The Baker Show.
00:00:05.120 You are listening on Spotify Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, YouTube.
00:00:12.760 That's right. We have not been syndicated yet.
00:00:17.640 We are not. This is not Google Plus.
00:00:23.860 Or what's it called? Disney Plus?
00:00:27.660 Look, guys, we got to switch things up.
00:00:30.000 I know a lot of people are doing dry January.
00:00:32.260 I'm going to be doing no Chinese accent January.
00:00:35.300 That's what I'm doing.
00:00:36.640 That is my promise to to the frog God that we have here today.
00:00:44.500 The frog God. I don't know why we have the frog God here.
00:00:47.040 But frog God wants you and me to do no Chinese accent for one month.
00:00:56.700 And it's going to be hard.
00:01:01.160 I might have to do it right now.
00:01:03.080 Oh, hello. How are you doing?
00:01:06.880 I look as I've been doing a Chinese accent since I was probably in grade six, maybe five.
00:01:12.800 OK, this is not a joke.
00:01:17.400 I did not have a proper upbringing, you know, where you're some parents would go.
00:01:25.640 Jesus, don't fucking do that.
00:01:28.460 Don't sound that's right.
00:01:31.060 My I was encouraged.
00:01:32.500 I had artist parents.
00:01:34.760 They heard me go.
00:01:35.760 Oh, they're like, this guy's got a talent.
00:01:39.580 He's so Chinese, might even be able to play violin, which I actually did play violin as a kid.
00:01:44.880 I did play violin and I was pretty damn good.
00:01:48.620 Actually, I had to.
00:01:51.100 I competed against Chinese people when I was six.
00:02:00.520 For fucking violin, dude.
00:02:03.080 That's what the about this life.
00:02:05.080 You know, I mean, everybody's mad or was mad at me for what I made fun of some Indian woman on Twitter, which was dumb.
00:02:16.500 I got I don't want to ever argue with people on Twitter again.
00:02:20.300 It is funny sometimes when you just you just think of something funny to say back.
00:02:25.840 Like, but it's just it's a waste of time.
00:02:27.780 And I've kind of come to that conclusion, which is nice.
00:02:33.280 It's a nice feeling.
00:02:35.040 I'm sure a lot of my fans have burner accounts.
00:02:37.800 Are you guys all just on burner accounts right now?
00:02:41.340 Working a good job, like just a fake account, writing crazy shit.
00:02:45.100 I mean, that is.
00:02:47.420 This is people's pastime.
00:02:49.980 This is what people do.
00:02:51.740 Well, you know, the whole which side are you on thing?
00:02:54.700 It's all.
00:02:56.400 It's all just crazy people online, you know, writing, writing crazy stuff.
00:03:01.020 When in reality, nobody really gives a shit.
00:03:03.840 Like, I've never seen anybody at the grocery store be like, can you fuck it?
00:03:06.960 What is this?
00:03:07.980 Seven dollars for organic milk.
00:03:10.500 Nobody like it.
00:03:12.300 And then a riot ensues.
00:03:13.580 That never happens.
00:03:14.700 People just kind of go, OK.
00:03:18.320 Stuff's more expensive.
00:03:21.160 Maybe I'll buy shittier stuff.
00:03:23.740 I don't know.
00:03:25.100 Personally, I like good stuff.
00:03:26.580 I like the good stuff.
00:03:27.580 I like the good 3.8 percent milk.
00:03:31.700 I like the thick cut bacon.
00:03:34.980 You know, I like fucking I like an egg born from like a chicken, like a virgin chicken.
00:03:42.040 Like they don't even know how they lay that egg.
00:03:44.820 Like all they eat is fucking almond milk and quinoa.
00:03:56.280 That's what I want.
00:03:57.640 I want a quinoa fed chicken to lay an egg for me to eat.
00:04:02.100 The reason everybody's that's why I kind of disagree almost with Alex Jones in the sense that I watch his documentary and it's I think it's great that he's back on X because I believe in freedom of speech.
00:04:19.380 But, you know, he's talking about the eugenics and all this stuff.
00:04:24.780 And, you know, I guess most people are like, oh, my God, that's terrifying.
00:04:28.980 But I'm kind of like, well, don't we kind of need to do this?
00:04:33.320 Like, is anybody like you guys have never performed at Niagara Falls.
00:04:38.560 Yuck yucks.
00:04:39.460 OK, you've never on like a on a on a random Thursday with just random people.
00:04:44.820 You've never.
00:04:50.240 You've never seen people.
00:04:53.120 Unless you've gone to like Niagara Falls, if you've gone to Niagara Falls, you look around, you go, look, maybe we.
00:04:58.980 We do need a bit of eugenics.
00:05:01.040 I don't know.
00:05:01.580 Maybe we do need a bit of.
00:05:06.240 I'm joking, guys, but.
00:05:09.240 Seriously, part of it, part of his documentary, I was just thinking.
00:05:13.320 Like, yeah, and.
00:05:17.040 You know.
00:05:19.100 Which sounds bad, but I just don't know.
00:05:22.700 As a society where, you know, people.
00:05:25.340 Some people think we're crumbling as a society.
00:05:27.400 We have like five years left.
00:05:29.760 Some people think we have like 30 years left.
00:05:31.900 Other like nobody.
00:05:32.920 Everything's just a matter of time to collapse.
00:05:34.920 No, like I'm actually.
00:05:37.440 Thinking this is it's just going to go forever.
00:05:39.720 I think that's scarier than the world ending is that it's actually just going to go on and on and on and on.
00:05:45.820 And where eventually maybe we'll collapse, maybe we'll nuke each other, but somebody is going to survive.
00:05:51.480 There's going to be some they're going to start over with the pyramids and shit or do whatever.
00:05:56.160 That's what I think.
00:06:00.600 I think that's way worse than.
00:06:02.940 If everything just ended, if everything ended, then it would be like, oh, we're all just dead at the same time.
00:06:06.880 That's perfect.
00:06:08.700 Let's go.
00:06:10.560 But it's not going to be like that.
00:06:11.680 It's going to be.
00:06:14.300 A slow degradation.
00:06:15.920 Part of the degradation of our society seems to be on social media.
00:06:21.240 Right.
00:06:21.760 Like.
00:06:24.500 If you see how people.
00:06:29.500 You know, if you see how people fucking act online and you think that that's how people act in person, it's just not right.
00:06:37.140 Like people don't go insane in, you know, for the most part right in front of you to your face or, you know, people aren't as rude.
00:06:46.980 It's it's kind of like the way people talk to each other online is like the way we talk to each other when we're in a car.
00:06:55.180 Right.
00:06:55.980 And you somebody cuts you off.
00:06:57.580 You're like this fucking piece of shit.
00:06:59.380 But if that guy gets out of the car, you'll be like, hey, my bad, man.
00:07:03.140 You know, sorry, but like there's.
00:07:06.620 Let's be honest.
00:07:07.820 Right.
00:07:09.440 So that's what we do here at the bank of show.
00:07:12.540 We break the barriers down between the mentally retarded and the.
00:07:22.600 Hopeless.
00:07:23.040 Which I guess that is pretty much what our society is now.
00:07:29.580 Right.
00:07:29.960 There's some people that are hopeless and you're just like sad.
00:07:33.920 And then there's people who are just mentally retarded.
00:07:35.980 And I feel like the those people are.
00:07:40.680 The ones like I don't mean with actual problems, by the way, like actual down syndrome or any of those things.
00:07:50.680 I just mean the people who know that they're dumb and they're doing bad things and they keep doing them.
00:07:58.520 You know, those people are.
00:08:01.800 Awful.
00:08:04.060 And what do you do with with people like that?
00:08:09.960 You have to fucking.
00:08:13.060 Kill them, I guess.
00:08:14.480 I don't know.
00:08:16.660 So.
00:08:17.100 All I'm saying is that we need to kill the retarded and the gays.
00:08:24.940 Are you enjoying the bank of show?
00:08:26.560 If you are, please subscribe to Ben Bankus.
00:08:31.940 Are you enjoying the bank of show?
00:08:34.020 Bankus.
00:08:34.420 I can't even say my own friggin last name sometimes.
00:08:37.220 Like I'm just like the man, man, man, man, man.
00:08:45.060 Are you enjoying the bank of show?
00:08:46.880 Please subscribe to Ben Bankus's Patreon and help pay for his lavish grocery grocery items over at Patreon dot com slash Ben Bankus.
00:08:59.060 That's Patreon dot com slash Ben Bankus and you can get a bonus podcast every week.
00:09:05.240 That's right.
00:09:05.860 Every week I'm going to get high and say some crazy shit for you.
00:09:10.680 So you better fucking go and sign up.
00:09:13.700 You fucking.
00:09:19.700 Are you enjoying the bank of show?
00:09:21.360 Well, go and sign up for my Patreon, Patreon dot com slash Ben Bankus and you can get a bonus podcast every week.
00:09:38.040 Merry Christmas and welcome to the Bankus show, everybody.
00:09:41.880 We are doing our last show for the year right now on Patreon as well.
00:09:47.700 We're going to do one more show.
00:09:48.980 This is the free show if you're watching, of course, like and subscribe.
00:09:53.700 If you're on YouTube, share it with your friends.
00:09:57.060 If you've shared a bunch of other videos of mine in group chats and on Instagram chats and text chats, please share this podcast because my New Year's resolution, everybody, is to make the bank is show podcast.
00:10:14.100 The number one podcast in Canada, in America, in China, in Wuhan city, in the downtown core of Wuhan, near the wet market.
00:10:24.720 I want the sound of this podcast emanating from the Chinese made speakers.
00:10:30.400 I am going to be going on tour, everybody, as you know, I'm a comedian and I have to be on tour.
00:10:42.860 That is how I make my money because not enough of you listen to this podcast yet.
00:10:46.740 But once we get to probably about 30,000 plays an episode, I think we might be getting somewhere.
00:10:54.240 Come and see me live in Ottawa, January 3rd and 4th.
00:10:59.120 I will be in London, Ontario, January 18th.
00:11:02.340 Windsor, Ontario, January 25th.
00:11:04.820 And I will be in Waterloo, Ontario, February 3rd.
00:11:09.820 And February, what was the next show that I have in February?
00:11:14.500 Oh, yes.
00:11:15.600 We're coming back to Toronto.
00:11:17.260 The last Toronto show was a complete spectacle.
00:11:21.960 It was a success.
00:11:22.920 It was sold out.
00:11:24.300 Over 280 people were there, packed into yuck yucks.
00:11:29.140 It was hot.
00:11:30.060 It was sweaty.
00:11:31.420 It was real raw comedy.
00:11:33.900 There was, you know, just chaos.
00:11:37.700 Nachos were spilled.
00:11:39.660 One of the waitresses actually ended up spilling guacamole on me before my set, which was pretty jarring.
00:11:48.500 But I recovered pretty good.
00:11:50.600 We got some water, paper towel and washed it off.
00:11:54.580 But it was completely insane.
00:11:57.020 And we're going to do it again.
00:11:58.760 And that might be the last one.
00:12:00.940 February 21st, Toronto yuck yucks.
00:12:04.900 Going to sell it out one more time, folks, before we maybe move to a bigger venue or we're in the States for a little bit and we're unable to do them.
00:12:14.360 We'll see.
00:12:15.200 We'll see how many.
00:12:16.180 I think we should be able to sell out to downtown yuck yucks shows on February 21st.
00:12:22.940 But right now there's only one on sale.
00:12:24.600 So go get tickets before that sells out.
00:12:26.620 Then we have another show on the 22nd in Burlington, Ontario.
00:12:30.760 So if you're in the Hamilton, Burlington, you know, Stoney Creek, Brantford, one of those areas in Ontario.
00:12:39.080 So make your way down to Burlington, yuck yucks.
00:12:43.860 We're going to have a fun time.
00:12:46.200 Other than that, in March, I am planning to come back to Edmonton.
00:12:50.640 So that is not confirmed yet.
00:12:53.700 But Edmonton and Kingston, Ontario.
00:12:56.800 If I'm going to Edmonton, I will be going to Calgary as well.
00:13:00.640 And we will also be doing a probably a Vancouver show more so in May.
00:13:07.020 Those shows, tickets are not on sale yet.
00:13:09.500 But if you want to get tickets from me in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, go and do that on my website for April.
00:13:19.740 So it's Christmas and everybody's excited.
00:13:23.620 I don't know if anybody's excited, really.
00:13:26.180 Certain white people are excited.
00:13:28.000 The white people who have decorations outside of their houses.
00:13:31.100 The white people who have the, you know, the $10,000 decorations.
00:13:35.120 I'm sure they're going to have a good Christmas.
00:13:36.840 I think most people are just a little sad.
00:13:39.280 I think winter is sad.
00:13:42.420 Winter reminds me of lockdown.
00:13:44.880 And I feel like lockdown definitely conditioned people to just not really want to do a lot of stuff during the winter months.
00:13:53.960 People just stay inside.
00:13:55.300 You know, I walk my dog.
00:13:56.420 There's nobody outside.
00:13:58.160 It's kind of sad that there are societies like that.
00:14:04.160 But I've seen some, you know, some things getting back to normal.
00:14:06.740 I've seen the Christmas parties.
00:14:08.660 I've seen, you know, people are having their Christmas parties.
00:14:12.700 They're fucking getting drunk and fucking their bosses and doing all kinds of shit that you're supposed to do during Christmas.
00:14:19.780 So I think most people are in the Christmas spirit.
00:14:22.200 Myself, I am half Jewish.
00:14:25.520 So technically, I think Christmas is Harambe or Haram.
00:14:32.100 Harambe is the gorilla that was killed.
00:14:35.980 I think is, I keep mixing up Harambe and George Floyd.
00:14:41.480 But Haram, everything is Haram now.
00:14:47.800 Christmas is kind of under attack by the pro-Palestinian community.
00:14:52.740 They want white people to feel bad for what's happening in Palestine.
00:14:59.200 And I think all that's happening is white people are feeling bad for themselves, for having to live here in this country where everybody's out of their goddamn minds.
00:15:08.920 And the whites are running for the hills, folks.
00:15:12.080 I think white people are slowly but surely going to move out of cities into their own communities, which, you know, you're not allowed to have a white neighborhood in a city.
00:15:24.800 It seems like, I guess, rich neighborhoods, but those are mostly Jewish.
00:15:32.440 It's not true.
00:15:33.860 Most of the rich neighborhoods have a good mix of, well, there's the Jewier rich neighborhoods in Toronto, right?
00:15:41.640 Forest Hill.
00:15:42.360 And then the waspier rich neighborhoods, more like Rosedale, Bayview.
00:15:52.260 So that's kind of how we're dividing our society between the rich.
00:15:57.840 There's not really like a rich black area in Toronto.
00:16:00.780 No offense, but we don't really have, I guess, Drake's house.
00:16:04.540 That's about it on the bridal path.
00:16:07.940 But there's not too many rich blacks or, I mean, there's rich Muslims.
00:16:14.420 I don't know.
00:16:14.980 I think they still live in squalor, even if they own like 40 gas stations or whatever.
00:16:25.880 Just for fun.
00:16:27.040 That's like Chinese, like certain Chinese people will be rich, but they're like, oh, I don't want to live here.
00:16:31.880 But this house is okay for me.
00:16:34.820 Don't need us.
00:16:36.000 Merry Christmas.
00:16:37.700 Chinese people are great.
00:16:38.880 They say Merry Christmas.
00:16:40.120 Indians, Merry Christmas.
00:16:41.780 I love Christmas.
00:16:42.880 They do Christmas in fucking India, doggie.
00:16:47.100 India was a fucking British colony.
00:16:52.280 Like us.
00:16:54.380 And now it's Bharat.
00:16:58.120 They changed the name of India.
00:16:59.300 It's not Bharat.
00:17:00.100 But that's neither here nor there.
00:17:03.360 We are talking about beautiful, beautiful Christmas, which is the time of year where all of the Palestinians go to the Eden Center and yell at the poor people shopping at Zara.
00:17:15.040 Well, the Jews watch from above, from Harry Rosen and from Holt Renfrew, and they watch and they look down and they go, oi, oi, oi, what kind of protest are they having?
00:17:26.980 Answer, Israel, oi, oi, oi.
00:17:28.480 Don't they know that the designer of this mall was Israeli?
00:17:33.520 He was Jewish?
00:17:34.300 He was Jewish.
00:17:35.680 Jews love to tell you who was Jewish, by the way.
00:17:38.180 Do you know he's Jewish?
00:17:39.720 Oh, you know him?
00:17:40.480 He's Jewish.
00:17:41.700 Oh, he's half Jewish.
00:17:43.420 Full Jews?
00:17:44.480 He's Jewish.
00:17:45.240 Jews.
00:17:47.540 Palestinians not so much.
00:17:49.880 He's Palestinian?
00:17:50.760 Palestine?
00:17:51.280 Palestine?
00:17:51.740 Palestine?
00:17:52.220 I don't know.
00:17:52.540 I guess it's the same fucking culture.
00:17:54.480 They're all retarded.
00:17:59.140 Jews are smart.
00:18:00.140 That's the thing.
00:18:00.640 Jews are smart.
00:18:01.420 That's why everybody's like, you know, the conspiracy theorists are like, the Jews made the vaccine.
00:18:05.500 It's like, yeah, because they were smart and they work at the company that pays them a lot of money and that's a conspiracy theory?
00:18:12.440 Like, why the, you know, and you're poor and you live, you know, in squalor with your parents or, you know, your parents live in squalor and let you live there as well.
00:18:23.800 And you go online and you say that the Jews are evil because they made the vaccine.
00:18:29.500 The Jews are evil because they made, you know, oh, they did COVID.
00:18:32.240 They did 9-11.
00:18:34.200 Look.
00:18:37.280 I get that Epstein was Jewish.
00:18:40.280 That's that kind of fucked us.
00:18:42.700 I'll be honest.
00:18:43.640 That's I mean, that's that's the big Christmas present that's coming.
00:18:47.100 Isn't that a thing that's happening?
00:18:48.840 The client list is coming out.
00:18:51.700 And it's all Jews, apparently.
00:18:54.000 No, it's not.
00:18:54.940 It's all government people.
00:18:57.320 Trudeau's on the client list I've seen.
00:18:59.260 Which he's going to sweep under the rug, of course.
00:19:04.500 And then people are saying maybe that's why Sophie left.
00:19:07.520 I love how people think that like certain conservatives or right wing people are like, well, good on Sophie for getting rid of him and leaving him.
00:19:15.900 It's like she's a fucking psychotic liberal.
00:19:19.860 She was a puppet.
00:19:21.380 She was the real prime minister for a lot of that relationship.
00:19:23.840 And people don't want to even really believe that.
00:19:27.660 But that is the fucking truth.
00:19:29.360 She she knew what she was fucking doing.
00:19:31.440 And she's still puppeting Trudeau.
00:19:34.760 She's they're not married.
00:19:35.940 They're divorced.
00:19:36.580 But apparently they're still best friends.
00:19:39.100 Best friends.
00:19:41.100 Isn't that nice?
00:19:43.660 Is there a video?
00:19:44.440 Do we have the video of that?
00:19:45.560 Trudeau doing being best friends with with his wife, which is obvious with his ex-wife, which is the cockiest thing you can do, of course, which Trudeau is doing it just so that we take the bait.
00:20:00.580 And that's what we're mad at him for.
00:20:02.500 Or that's what we're talking about.
00:20:03.860 Oh, what a cock.
00:20:05.540 Trudeau is a cock.
00:20:06.140 Meanwhile, he's the fucking he's going to be in office for for the next 40 years.
00:20:12.140 He does look good, though.
00:20:16.960 People I said that at my show and people got mad.
00:20:19.220 I was like, Trudeau looks good.
00:20:20.620 And people like, no, he's fuck him.
00:20:22.320 He's not.
00:20:22.820 He's not attractive.
00:20:23.900 I don't mean that he's like hot.
00:20:26.040 Yeah.
00:20:26.200 And, you know, he was definitely a good looking guy.
00:20:28.500 He is.
00:20:29.080 But he's like in his 50s and he looks fucking way better than most people in their fucking 50s.
00:20:35.960 I'll tell you that.
00:20:37.600 Way better.
00:20:39.080 Way better.
00:20:39.760 There's people in their 30s and 40s that Trudeau looks better than.
00:20:44.720 So I don't know if that's that adrenochrome diet, which, you know, if that was available to me, I would be on that.
00:20:51.280 I don't know if it's what they're doing.
00:20:53.100 They're eating the placentas.
00:20:54.520 They're eating whatever it is.
00:20:58.320 I want it.
00:20:59.140 I want to be shot up with whatever.
00:21:01.100 I want to be on the regimen of the elites.
00:21:06.920 I want to know what they eat.
00:21:08.320 I want to know what they how they exercise.
00:21:10.660 I want to know what they're injected with.
00:21:13.840 Those those saline injections or whatever.
00:21:16.300 I want a little bit of that, that that magic that they have, because I feel like that is one of the biggest problems for politicians is aging.
00:21:28.520 Right.
00:21:30.360 There is no such thing as aging, which they're trying to get rid of.
00:21:33.680 Then the politicians can be there forever.
00:21:35.980 That's that's really what this is about.
00:21:40.300 Right.
00:21:41.100 Who's who's going to be first to get all these miracle drugs, these anti-aging drugs, these anti-Chinese drugs?
00:21:51.760 Fentanyl.
00:21:53.580 No, but who's going to get all these fucking perks?
00:22:00.640 Guess.
00:22:02.280 The owners.
00:22:03.680 Of the country.
00:22:05.080 And I'm not like huge on like being mad at that.
00:22:08.100 We have owners and that we're all kind of slaves.
00:22:10.780 Like, I know it sucks to.
00:22:13.580 I mean, it sucks more for you guys than me because I'm a comedian and my life is cool and fun.
00:22:19.380 And, you know, you work at Mr.
00:22:23.120 Reuter or whatever.
00:22:24.240 I don't know.
00:22:27.660 You work at an SO.
00:22:29.900 I'm just saying that.
00:22:31.200 We're all that's that was that we're all in this together.
00:22:36.500 Remember that from the COVID thing?
00:22:38.300 We're all in this together that they never they really that was like maybe six months to a year that they said that.
00:22:43.980 And then after that, they're like, you're on your own.
00:22:45.660 Actually, you are on your own.
00:22:49.800 Get out there and.
00:22:52.180 You know, desperately find a job that doesn't exist is basically what they did.
00:22:57.920 And people are you can tell.
00:23:02.920 You can tell that people are just.
00:23:07.580 Scared at the grocery store.
00:23:09.680 Everybody's scared.
00:23:10.560 Nobody knows what's it's not like five, you know, 10 years ago or before COVID people kind of, you know, society's getting good.
00:23:17.300 You know, you can travel.
00:23:18.700 Everything's cool.
00:23:20.120 You know, the environment was like, oh, yeah, the environment.
00:23:22.340 But, you know, fuck that.
00:23:23.420 But now it's it's the government that's scary and the reactions to the both real and perceived threats that are out there.
00:23:36.000 The reactions to them.
00:23:38.280 Right.
00:23:39.540 The censorship, the taxation, the manipulation, the propaganda.
00:23:45.340 And. Like, for instance, Canada is no longer going to be selling gas powered vehicles past 2035, which people like 2035, you know, I'll be in my 40s and there'll be no gas powered cars.
00:24:04.980 New ones, that is.
00:24:06.340 So you can buy used ones, but nobody's going to fucking want to do that because that's that's the thing.
00:24:11.760 But then guess what?
00:24:13.200 The EVs are expensive.
00:24:14.440 A lot of people aren't going to be able to afford cars.
00:24:16.980 They're going to force people into signing contracts and shareable rides and ride share and why, you know, then what?
00:24:24.300 Then what happens when all the Ubers are computerized?
00:24:27.780 What happens to all the hundreds of, you know, the millions of Muslims and Indians that we're bringing here if they can't do Uber?
00:24:39.320 So, yeah, I want to be an elite is what I'm saying.
00:24:47.140 I'd like to be an elite.
00:24:48.400 That is what I'm doing here.
00:24:49.820 I am, you know, I'm trying to rise to power to comedy power because there's power in comedy and I don't have to be elected.
00:24:57.400 I just have to be liked.
00:24:58.640 I have to be likable and funny and interesting.
00:25:01.940 And then people will flock to me and then I'm able to dictate what they should think.
00:25:07.900 And then that affects the elites.
00:25:10.160 So that's why the elites always have comedians around.
00:25:15.400 Right.
00:25:15.920 Trudeau has his comedians.
00:25:19.800 Right.
00:25:20.520 This hour is 22 minutes.
00:25:22.140 CTV comedy.
00:25:24.020 Tall boys.
00:25:25.160 All those shows.
00:25:26.120 All those Canadian comics who are representing the, you know, the future of entertainment, being bored and fucking not offending anybody.
00:25:39.520 Gay.
00:25:40.560 Fuck that.
00:25:41.700 Fuck them.
00:25:42.400 Fuck this hour is 22 minutes.
00:25:43.780 Fuck all that shit.
00:25:44.560 It's boring.
00:25:46.080 It's awful.
00:25:47.100 And none of the people who are on those shows can even sell tickets.
00:25:50.780 Maybe Sean Majumder.
00:25:52.900 If you're Canadian, if you're American, you don't even know who the fuck that is.
00:25:55.960 And you shouldn't.
00:25:57.860 You shouldn't.
00:25:58.760 But he was the host of a popular children's TV show called Oh, and I believe at one point YTV, YTV kids.
00:26:08.800 And he was a stand up comic.
00:26:10.080 And I think he was or is still on this hour is 22 minutes.
00:26:15.160 Anyway, my point is Trudeau has his guys.
00:26:18.720 Biden had whoever he had at the that they have that show, the press show where it's everybody from CNN and Fox and they all come.
00:26:35.440 And then the comedian goes on stage and roast them.
00:26:38.120 And it was something that Trump actually got rid of.
00:26:40.440 He was like, I don't want this.
00:26:41.660 I don't want to.
00:26:42.660 You know, and part of the reason he didn't want it was because they were going to hire like a liberal comic to just roast the fuck out of him or or try to just say that he shouldn't be the prime president.
00:26:51.900 And I think maybe it was a smart thing for him personally, or maybe it was dumb.
00:26:56.420 I think that you should have let them make fun of him and showed that he didn't give a shit.
00:27:01.540 But, you know, like if true, if that's like if Trudeau just shut down CBC comedy because they started making jokes about him that were actually good, which maybe they would do.
00:27:15.560 Like maybe he would do like if CBC comedy hired me tomorrow and was like, OK, carte blanche, get to work.
00:27:23.600 He'd be like, we're defunding the CBC.
00:27:26.380 I'm I'm totally on board with Pierre Polyev's bullshit.
00:27:30.240 But anyway, I really just want to forget about all this Canadian bullshit.
00:27:34.920 Too, because.
00:27:37.540 I think I'm American on the inside, guys, I'm moving towards getting my.
00:27:43.660 Work visa to be in the States, I'm working towards and it's it's going to be glorious.
00:27:53.520 It's very we're very close at, you know, I'm working towards getting shows booked there and agents and all kinds of cool stuff.
00:28:02.760 And I couldn't have done any of it without you guys.
00:28:06.160 Especially my OG Canadian fans and my OG American fans, I have a lot of OG American fans.
00:28:11.740 I've never even met.
00:28:13.100 I remember I met a few of them this year that came to shows.
00:28:17.160 I had American fans come to my show in Niagara Falls.
00:28:20.240 They drove from Pittsburgh and came to Niagara Falls and.
00:28:25.360 They were like, come to Pittsburgh, like, get your ass to Pittsburgh, like, figure it out.
00:28:29.960 So.
00:28:32.060 I'm pretty excited for that.
00:28:33.440 I'm excited to just stop worrying about the issues of Canada because they're not really the, you know.
00:28:42.960 Everything in America is bigger.
00:28:44.680 It's a bigger issue.
00:28:45.860 There's more people upset about it.
00:28:47.200 There's more people worried about it.
00:28:48.360 And that's why they get away with so much, to be honest, in Canada is because, you know, nobody really cares about the government.
00:28:56.520 Nobody knew anything about our government or cared about politics in Canada until the pandemic.
00:29:04.820 Before that, people were just completely apathetic.
00:29:07.920 And, you know, they were just like, oh, well, who's prime minister now?
00:29:10.800 Trudeau, Harper.
00:29:11.880 I don't really give a shit.
00:29:12.560 But now it's like people are, like, fired up.
00:29:16.720 So.
00:29:20.780 Yeah, I'm going to go and make a lot of friends in America, a lot of maybe probably some enemies, other comedians that have already disowned me.
00:29:32.300 Tim Dillon was a comic that I was messaging over the years as a fan.
00:29:38.780 And I asked to open for him in Toronto.
00:29:43.220 I probably wrote, like, a little bit of a sob story, maybe, that he thought was gay, even though he's gay.
00:29:50.240 But he told me that to never message him again.
00:29:55.760 I was asking to open for him on the most recent show here, December 9th.
00:30:00.620 That was, I probably asked him in the summer.
00:30:03.260 He was like, never message me ever again.
00:30:05.380 So I didn't, and I won't, and I don't want to.
00:30:10.920 And, you know, that's, that's how the comedy game is.
00:30:17.200 People don't realize that.
00:30:18.320 There's not a lot of people out there helping.
00:30:20.840 And there's, you know, there's, there are people helping.
00:30:23.180 Ryan Long helps people, a lot of comics.
00:30:26.720 You know, obviously, Rogan helps a lot of comics, including Tim Dillon.
00:30:33.900 And I'm more like Tim.
00:30:37.460 I feel like I don't really help anybody.
00:30:40.200 No, I do.
00:30:41.060 I try to.
00:30:42.160 I've, I've helped Armin Arbabi.
00:30:44.360 He's a good comic from Toronto.
00:30:47.200 He's opened for me a bunch of times.
00:30:48.760 He's about to graduate from opening for me.
00:30:51.680 And, you know, he got signed to Yuck Yuck's roster.
00:30:56.820 He's doing shows all over the province and soon the country.
00:31:02.000 So I helped him.
00:31:04.300 Who else did I help?
00:31:07.080 Brayden Lynch.
00:31:08.760 He's another comic that I helped who runs Cowbell Comedy.
00:31:13.180 And I probably shouldn't have even helped him because, well, during the pandemic, he helped me with my first show, my park show that we did when there was lockdown.
00:31:25.580 And I was doing shows in a park with a speaker and a spotlight and a generator.
00:31:30.660 And then the next year was still lockdown the next summer, which is just so fucked up and crazy to think about.
00:31:37.880 But it was still lockdown and he basically stole my idea for doing a park show.
00:31:44.700 He did it in a different area.
00:31:46.900 And I asked him to do it a couple of times.
00:31:49.980 He was like, I don't know, man, like CBC.
00:31:52.800 I might get the CBC comedy something.
00:31:55.340 I don't know.
00:31:55.740 Some just idiotic.
00:31:58.300 And then he called me one day and not I was like, so are you going to put me on the show now?
00:32:04.320 And he's like, no, I need your your help finding a lawyer because I've also been fined for having my show in the park because it was covid.
00:32:15.780 But then he apologized and turned a new leaf.
00:32:20.800 And he came to me and said, can I open for you?
00:32:25.540 And, you know, I give people a chance sometimes.
00:32:29.140 I'm a nice guy like that.
00:32:30.840 People say, hey, can I please open for you?
00:32:32.780 Maybe I'll ignore them.
00:32:33.720 Then they ask again a week later.
00:32:35.140 Look, man, I really want to.
00:32:37.740 Five minutes.
00:32:39.860 If you bomb, you never get to do it again.
00:32:43.540 And I won't give that to everybody.
00:32:45.060 Obviously, some people I know are going to bomb and I'm like, there's no fucking way.
00:32:49.000 But there's other people where I'm like, you know what?
00:32:52.060 This might this might be funny, you know?
00:32:55.140 So it goes both ways.
00:32:57.860 I understand why comics like Tim Dillon or other big comics are like, dude, who the fuck are you?
00:33:03.320 Like, you're not opening.
00:33:05.140 But come on.
00:33:07.400 It's it's me, Ben Bankis.
00:33:09.800 Well, you don't want it.
00:33:10.400 You don't like this.
00:33:11.660 You don't.
00:33:12.040 Don't.
00:33:14.480 I don't even really do a Chinese accent.
00:33:17.480 I think I just go like this.
00:33:19.560 That's not a Chinese accent.
00:33:20.800 This is.
00:33:21.080 Oh, it's kind of just more like talking like a some sort of sonar.
00:33:26.340 It sounds like it sounds like whale sonar.
00:33:33.720 So really, I'm the whale sonar guy.
00:33:37.580 Not really the Chinese accent guy.
00:33:41.880 By the way, if you guys are wondering why I do a Chinese accent, it's because my dad is a violin teacher.
00:33:47.560 So I've had a lot of Chinese kids in my living room growing up getting yelled at by my Jewish dad.
00:33:55.180 Vibrato.
00:33:55.840 He would, you know, forte.
00:33:58.140 It's what he would yell at them.
00:34:01.300 Okay, Mr. Ben, it's okay.
00:34:03.760 I'm a twinker, twinker.
00:34:05.900 It's so.
00:34:06.860 I would.
00:34:10.280 And I would.
00:34:13.280 Be terrified because he wanted me to play violin.
00:34:16.100 My dad wanted me to play violin.
00:34:17.440 And I really didn't want to play violin.
00:34:20.940 But I was forced into it.
00:34:22.460 And I had to line up with all the other Chinese kids.
00:34:25.260 Oh, I practiced a five hour last night.
00:34:28.060 My father trapped me in the basement.
00:34:30.780 And made me practice until my finger breathed.
00:34:34.880 And I was like, I was playing Star Wars pod racers last night on N64.
00:34:41.940 I don't want to be here.
00:34:43.320 But that's why I'm fat and I'm a comedian.
00:34:47.920 And they're probably thin and play for the Boston Philharmonic or something.
00:34:58.740 Being a comedian is one of the best things you can be, though.
00:35:01.660 I can't lie to you guys.
00:35:02.840 I love it.
00:35:04.760 I love comedy.
00:35:06.300 I love traveling to do comedy, specifically.
00:35:09.780 I barely travel just for fun.
00:35:14.700 And when I do, I just feel like, can I do comedy here?
00:35:17.520 Is there comedy?
00:35:18.200 Where's the comedy?
00:35:18.880 Is there an open mic?
00:35:19.620 Is there?
00:35:20.920 Guys, this is going to be the last podcast of the year.
00:35:22.980 It's been an incredible year.
00:35:24.420 I have traveled the entire country of Canada, pretty much.
00:35:28.840 From Halifax to Victoria, B.C., performing mostly sold-out shows
00:35:34.780 in some of the coolest comedy venues in the country.
00:35:40.200 Edmonton.
00:35:40.740 We did the West Edmonton Mall comic strip, which is an iconic comedy club.
00:35:46.160 The new Winnipeg Comedy Club.
00:35:49.140 Yuck Yucks' Comedy Club.
00:35:52.560 Calgary Yuck Yucks.
00:35:53.760 Vancouver Yuck Yucks.
00:35:54.680 I literally went to every single fucking place in this country.
00:35:58.940 And I'll tell you what I learned.
00:36:00.520 I learned that Canada is a great country with some problems.
00:36:06.620 I mean, it's not India yet, but we're getting there.
00:36:11.960 I think the cold kind of keeps people at bay, you know.
00:36:17.200 There's only so much crime that can happen when it's freezing out.
00:36:21.340 So I think that that is a helpful thing.
00:36:24.060 It's also helpful to kind of thin the herd of the homeless with the cold
00:36:31.980 because it kind of kills them off a little bit.
00:36:36.840 And it's not very merry.
00:36:39.120 It's not really a Christmassy thing to talk about.
00:36:43.060 But Christmas is the birth of Christ.
00:36:46.480 That's what we're celebrating.
00:36:48.360 Although many people, you know, believe the earth is flat.
00:36:53.120 But some people believe Jesus did something.
00:36:58.480 I don't know what I believe, man.
00:37:00.220 I believe in myself.
00:37:01.760 I believe I am God.
00:37:03.400 I am a Chinese human-monkey hybrid god.
00:37:09.180 I am like one of the ancient...
00:37:15.360 I'm like the god of laughter.
00:37:17.440 Ben Bankus, god of laughter.
00:37:19.460 And I'm definitely going to be celebrating for him.
00:37:27.440 It's pretty cool to be putting Christmas presents under the tree that I bought with comedy money
00:37:35.420 and living in an apartment that I pay for with comedy money.
00:37:38.920 And all this stuff, man, all these pictures, all this whole room, everything is because of you.
00:37:48.620 And I appreciate you because of it.
00:37:53.080 Because you've given me life.
00:37:54.820 I don't know what I would do if it wasn't doing comedy, man.
00:37:59.620 My mom, who is my best friend, is basically, you know, she has dementia.
00:38:07.280 So she's not really with us this Christmas, although she's here.
00:38:12.640 But she's not...
00:38:13.600 I mean, she's not in this house, thank God.
00:38:16.760 But she's in rough shape.
00:38:21.100 So that's sad.
00:38:22.280 And, you know, certain things.
00:38:24.120 And this is like, you know, my first year really being a dad.
00:38:29.240 I mean, last year was my first year being a dad.
00:38:31.080 But to a very small baby.
00:38:32.860 Now a larger baby, a toddler.
00:38:36.560 And I just wouldn't be here without you guys.
00:38:41.020 I wouldn't be the person I am.
00:38:43.060 I wouldn't be as funny if I didn't have the support and the love that I see at all of my shows.
00:38:50.460 I mean, after my latest show, I spent maybe half an hour chatting with people and meeting fans after the show and taking pictures.
00:38:59.320 And, you know, some people, some comics probably see that and they're like, oh, big guy now, you know.
00:39:05.040 Or some people are like, oh, she thinks he's famous.
00:39:07.740 You know, I try to stay humble.
00:39:09.240 I try to focus on what I can focus on, which is making content for you guys, making you laugh, making myself laugh, keeping my own sanity.
00:39:21.380 You know how I do that?
00:39:22.060 I go to the gym.
00:39:22.940 I know I'm fat, but I do go to the gym just to maintain.
00:39:26.020 If I didn't go to the gym, I'd be like 400 pounds probably.
00:39:28.160 But it has been a magical year.
00:39:35.240 2023 will go down in the books as one of the coolest origin story years as we ramp up and move towards some bigger goals.
00:39:50.220 Because of, you know, I want to be in stadiums, guys.
00:39:53.380 I want to be performing in stadiums.
00:39:55.620 So I got to stop talking shit so much on Twitter.
00:39:59.140 Stop getting myself in trouble to an extent.
00:40:02.740 I got to get, still have to get in trouble.
00:40:04.440 Just make sure it's the right kind of trouble.
00:40:08.300 And stop telling people I'm Jewish.
00:40:10.500 That would be good.
00:40:12.260 Talked about that earlier.
00:40:13.340 My dad's Jewish.
00:40:14.100 My mom's not.
00:40:14.840 So technically I'm not a Jew.
00:40:16.020 But I do a joke about that where I say I'm going to have to tell that to the Hamas guys who are about to blow my brains out.
00:40:24.300 Actually, by Jewish law, my father's a Jew.
00:40:26.480 My mother's not.
00:40:28.520 But I'm lucky my dad's seven years younger than my mom.
00:40:34.460 Which I'm also seven years younger than my fiance.
00:40:41.760 Funny enough, right?
00:40:42.880 It kind of runs in the family.
00:40:44.940 Shit like that happens, right?
00:40:46.720 You end up in similar relationships as your parents.
00:40:49.220 Similar situations as your parents.
00:40:51.840 Maybe that's why eugenics is probably a good idea.
00:40:54.980 Just because we really are just like our parents.
00:40:57.660 I think it's a good time of the year to just let go.
00:41:12.560 Just let go of the pressure of all year.
00:41:17.940 And just let yourself restart.
00:41:20.140 January is really just the September of years.
00:41:25.060 Right?
00:41:26.020 Of calendar years.
00:41:29.920 Whereas September is the January of school year.
00:41:34.540 And I'm excited for it.
00:41:38.520 I'm excited for 2024.
00:41:41.500 You know, 2023 happen.
00:41:45.140 And we're going to make 2024 happen.
00:41:47.920 And it's going to be fucking insane, dude.
00:41:50.280 I want to buy another Canada goose jacket next year.
00:41:52.520 That's how fucking crazy I want this year to be, bro.
00:41:54.740 I want to do my first shows in the States.
00:42:00.360 Sell out my first shows in the States.
00:42:02.500 Which, by the way, if you're an American listener, please tell me where you guys are from.
00:42:06.260 So we can organize a show there.
00:42:08.000 All I want for Christmas is you.
00:42:13.920 The fans.
00:42:15.680 The friends.
00:42:17.460 The listeners.
00:42:20.160 There's really nothing more that I'd want other than GTA 6.
00:42:25.340 Which, let's be honest, I can't really play video games anymore.
00:42:28.840 Like, I start playing them and I just get bored and start thinking about how I need to make money and content.
00:42:34.540 And I shouldn't be doing this shit.
00:42:38.560 Video games are fucking stupid.
00:42:40.280 I have to agree with Andrew Tate on that one.
00:42:43.280 That video games are dumb.
00:42:44.580 Not that I don't like playing them.
00:42:45.800 I still like playing them.
00:42:46.600 But they're stupid.
00:42:47.620 There's a lot of stupid shit that we do in life that is fun or entertaining.
00:42:53.260 You know, go to a comedy show.
00:42:55.020 Is that a, you know, productive use of your time?
00:42:58.680 You know, listening to this.
00:42:59.860 Honestly, I think you're probably being productive if you're listening to this podcast.
00:43:04.540 Um, look, I don't want to take too much time from you guys because it's the holidays.
00:43:10.480 I think you should go hang out with your families.
00:43:13.240 Hang out with your, you know, whoever's.
00:43:15.620 We might do one more podcast before the end of the year.
00:43:18.320 Maybe not.
00:43:19.960 But I'll say this.
00:43:23.720 New Year's resolutions.
00:43:25.260 What are your New Year's resolutions?
00:43:26.660 Let me know in the comments.
00:43:27.740 I think mine would be, I'd like to stop smoking.
00:43:30.460 Although that's going to be tough.
00:43:32.860 I'd like to.
00:43:35.160 Bruto?
00:43:35.820 I don't want to fucking talk about him.
00:43:37.580 I don't want to think about him.
00:43:39.160 I don't want to think about Jagmeet or this Meets or that Meet.
00:43:42.060 People were mad because I posted a picture of Jagmeet.
00:43:44.240 I mean, get over yourselves, guys.
00:43:46.760 It was in 2019.
00:43:48.100 Before we knew they were that evil.
00:43:50.780 Okay.
00:43:51.600 And Jagmeet was kind of cool.
00:43:53.280 He let me roast him on my comedy show.
00:43:55.680 It's pretty sick.
00:43:58.520 But I appreciate you guys for listening, for tuning in,
00:44:02.860 for supporting me all year, coming to my shows.
00:44:05.960 And I'm really, I hope this,
00:44:07.120 if this was your first podcast that you found out about,
00:44:09.300 I hope you liked it.
00:44:10.220 I hope you enjoyed listening to me just talk shit for a bit
00:44:12.600 and kind of get lost to myself.
00:44:15.040 And, you know, right now this is a solo pod.
00:44:17.380 They're kind of hard to do.
00:44:18.480 But we got a lot more shit to talk about.
00:44:25.680 And go over to Patreon, patreon.com slash BenBankus.
00:44:28.700 There's going to be a bonus podcast this week as well.
00:44:32.280 And I love you.
00:44:34.920 Good night.
00:44:35.300 Good night.