Bankas Podcast - Fentanorr ｜ The Bankas Show - #029

00:00:00.000 good evening and welcome to the bank of show this is uh this is an emergency episode we're putting

00:00:07.620 out an emergency uh f what is it sos fof if you're chinese i gotta stop making chinese jokes i'm

00:00:17.700 addicted to it and i have to uh stop i'm addicted to it's like fentanyl for me it's like chinese 0.81

00:00:22.320 fentanyl to just go fentanyl my fentanyl and after events for yeah i just wake up and go but

00:00:31.060 like chinese politicians in canada keep saying things and it keeps speaking they brought back

00:00:39.080 what was i supposed to do i try to get up what they pull me back in well but i'm just saying that

00:00:45.620 they say stuff and you know that goes viral yeah them saying something goes viral right yeah so

00:00:55.340 then because they're politicians yeah right so then when i go oh what did she say

00:01:02.060 people get mad people love it people get mad or they love it yeah i love it personally i laugh

00:01:14.120 i laugh at everything i mean some people are not remembering when every night people were

00:01:22.760 entertained by comedy they went and watched comedy network we had the we had channel in canada we had

00:01:28.200 channel 44 yeah i remember that comedy network it was like basically the canadian comedy central

00:01:32.920 and it was like the chapelle show followed by south park followed by they'd have sitcoms during the day

00:01:40.420 and then sometimes it'd be actual stand-up comedy there was yeah there was some of it would be 0.72

00:01:43.840 funny some of it would be okay then there was what's it called ray romano shit what was that 0.95

00:01:48.240 everybody loves raymond like everybody loves whatever there was king of queens yeah 0.92

00:01:53.480 yeah i would watch king of queens and relate to it it was like a kid in gray three it was weird that i

00:02:05.380 was so fat i would go home and watch king of queens in like whatever maybe i guess i was like a teenager 0.98

00:02:11.720 and i would always be like this should i shouldn't be entertained by this this is stupid 0.99

00:02:17.420 but now you grew up now you are the king of queens yeah that guy with a hot girlfriend 1.00

00:02:22.840 oh no she's mad 0.98

00:02:29.340 corner gas 0.99

00:02:32.720 you ever watch an episode of corner gas and put a gun in your mouth

00:02:39.820 i legitimately could not get into corner gas there were multiple times where i tried the corner gas

00:02:46.240 the canadian sitcom but it was it just it was a canadian sitcom i watched if you're from like a

00:02:53.460 different part if you're from toronto it's not relatable i watched it because i had nothing else

00:02:57.080 to watch and i was always just kind of you didn't have cable no i had cable but it's just there was

00:03:01.620 nothing else like interesting on tv i'd watch that over like a cartoon and i was just like what is 0.98

00:03:07.040 not just brent butt it's just a loser 0.98

00:03:09.340 and there's like the native cop and the hot blonde cop 1.00

00:03:17.880 it sucks that there's there was probably such better ideas for shows at the time too

00:03:23.900 like there were funnier comedians that were probably like what if we do this and that they

00:03:27.720 were like no no they let tom green kind of do whatever he wanted on like rogers tv they would

00:03:31.920 never rogers there's some never there's some great like cable that's access cable they would

00:03:36.600 never let anybody but that was then this is now it's then on access cable i could have probably

00:03:42.100 went around going and they would have been like you could have got a show on showcase or something

00:03:47.260 like kenny verspenny right oh like kenny verspenny comedy well they used to play stand-up right

00:03:54.080 what was that club it was like early 2000s russell peters did a bunch of canadian comics that they

00:04:00.860 would like broadcast it it was like a tv show and it was like stand-up um like there's a couple of

00:04:07.300 those hbo had some things but um which one is it the one that bill burles 44 oh club 54

00:04:13.160 club 54 that's the one yeah that was that was dark that was like all that played when we were in

00:04:19.060 winnipeg on tv like over and over yeah it was just something like this is your future

00:04:24.380 welcome to winnipeg shannon laverty in 1983

00:04:30.580 but people don't even know what we're talking about that but okay a lot of people have been

00:04:40.880 asking me this week what does it mean to get signed to yuck yucks because you got signed to

00:04:45.820 yuck yucks what does it mean uh your family hates you forever that's what it means for you 0.99

00:04:52.340 but what it means in terms of what the fuck it means like people don't know what that is like 0.99

00:05:00.580 it's literally the most confusing thing so we have to tell them you can't stick them off you 0.83

00:05:04.700 it's just you can't ever admit to the existence of this thing there's one canadian club that has like

00:05:10.040 franchises which is across the country which is yuck yucks one right and getting signed to yuck yucks

00:05:14.720 means armin's now like on the roster to get paid to play all those cross-country he's like gonna be

00:05:20.940 sent out before they were like you can try out basically auditioning every week in front of live

00:05:26.900 audiences to get on with yuck yucks um like to to be on that roster so that then they give you work

00:05:34.040 there's people who've been trying to get on yuck yucks for 15 years there's one guy that we know he

00:05:40.200 he does he's like uh you he's like he sells popcorn at the baseball games okay and he does

00:05:47.540 he used to dress up like a bat he used to dress up like a bat he had a viral video once he had a

00:05:53.520 one million view video 13 years but anyway i'm just saying that there are people so what the tuesday

00:06:01.380 nights are amateur nights at yuck yucks right and you go there amateur i go there because i'm still 0.92

00:06:09.220 working because i'm an amateur pros can pros drop in to do like new stuff or fuck around at the 0.68

00:06:16.580 amateur nights i still go there because i'm not i'm there every week you guys don't get it

00:06:24.460 no this is just how bad canadian comedy is is that or toronto how bad this toronto comedy scene is

00:06:30.960 yeah because no one else runs the only show that i first of all i'm allowed to do and also that exists

00:06:37.140 is the tuesday night amateur night at yucks it's the most it's the biggest crowd you can perform 0.76

00:06:41.860 in front of on a tuesday night if you're working on shit as a pro so pros drop in there which is 0.88

00:06:47.300 actually kind of cool it kind of makes amateur night kind of cool because i'm i try to be there

00:06:50.740 every week some weeks they're like i have to let somebody else do it because you did 40 minutes

00:06:55.460 you cost us another three thousand dollars that we had to pay 80 indian people because you had to 0.99

00:07:05.780 do a joke about an indian guy for 40 minutes so um 40 minute long

00:07:11.140 so um tuesday nights though the amateurs they sign up to be on tuesday nights they send an email to this

00:07:21.620 one guy named named he shall not be named he's a man

00:07:43.220 no there's a booker that that books in he gets like a

00:07:47.060 i couldn't think of your name i thought your name was arabia

00:07:49.620 thanks man yeah then there's a tuesday night showcase that passes you to wednesdays arabia

00:07:54.500 it's my opener start calling you arabia when my chick kicks in 0.95

00:07:57.860 um it's gonna be fucked up where's arabia my best friend where's my opener 0.99

00:08:07.300 sir you haven't done comedy in 15 years 0.95

00:08:11.780 no that's such a nightmare i have to record you're just always gonna feel like you have to record

00:08:16.660 um

00:08:21.540 yuck yucks getting signed a bunch of amateurs you get on amateur night and if you do well

00:08:30.020 like more than once they do well once they bring you back you keep doing well on amateur night and then

00:08:36.500 they will put you on a showcase and you'll showcase for the owner of yucks who's mark breslin

00:08:41.620 and if he likes you then he'll either sign you right away or he'll put you on

00:08:48.180 the wednesday show which is where all the people who've been trying to get on yucks for 10 years

00:08:52.820 are still performing for some reason so and it's purgatory yeah they're like in purgatory it's

00:08:58.900 it's it's it's hard it's a hard life so the wednesdays is a hard life and then if you get

00:09:03.540 good if if they like you on wednesdays then they'll just be like you're signed or something pretty much

00:09:08.180 um otherwise you just stay there for a decade um so and then you get signed and then you get work

00:09:16.820 yeah but once you're signed so you're on the roster you could still get no work

00:09:21.540 yeah like you could or you could just be 0.98

00:09:23.300 shit and they're they're just like yeah well 1.00

00:09:25.140 fuck we booked this guy once and he'd fucking 1.00

00:09:29.460 something bad whether you bomb maybe bombing's not the worst thing that can happen they're like 1.00

00:09:33.940 no no no i brought a gun to you actually yeah no this guy's going to go to church

00:09:39.700 getting to fight with somebody yeah say the n-word like yeah like you get get a show canceled because

00:09:45.220 like you got to fight with people who book it like i don't yeah like honestly it's kind of good

00:09:49.380 though you're you're pretty much in you're a made man i'm a made guy you can perform comedy

00:09:54.420 yeah thank you you've been made man at yuck yucks you can have any song you 1.00

00:09:57.700 fuck with armada bobby you fuck with all of yuck you could fly or you could just be like i want to 1.00

00:10:01.700 like when we go to alberta though and stuff and like we go back to yucks oh yeah we could like 1.00

00:10:05.940 stay a couple like you could be like yo they could be like you want to do next weekend we'll

00:10:09.220 sign like and you know what i mean and then you all fly back later and then you don't make any

00:10:12.820 money but it's all free it's awesome you're even yo ben i want to spend all the money i made on

00:10:17.380 tour with you right now yo i want to do it again but make less money but yeah but exactly exactly

00:10:23.780 yeah that'd be cool yeah right i would love that so but like yeah you you still have to be

00:10:29.060 entrepreneurial about it you have to figure out bro i got a yucks contract i'm getting my g2

00:10:36.420 that's actually actually that's more important than that's actually more important than a yucks

00:10:39.460 contract yeah yeah but it's like if i had a driver's license where am i going wait wait they're

00:10:45.700 like both equally important i'm saying comedy is like the ability to be like get to the road gigs

00:10:50.180 like that's going to get you more work it's beautiful you're my student and you did it kid

00:10:57.220 you think it did you think it did it i told i told i they said they'll never let another muslim in there

00:11:04.580 after what's that other guy that he got fired who foe ed no he never got signed um he's fired like

00:11:18.100 wait no no there was no there was a comic recently who just oh i am yeah that's because he kept 0.97

00:11:25.540 performing at places he wasn't allowed to yeah because he's stupid yeah you should look at the camera and 0.90

00:11:30.580 said and say that because i took your job um yeah the shows were great though this this past little 0.99

00:11:49.780 week here we did burlington right two sold out gigs in burlington yeah back to back that was nuts

00:11:56.980 actually this was wild yeah we just ripped through that and then friday was kind of like a day off

00:12:01.620 for you i went to yucks i got a spot and saturday we did downtown club yeah and then we bombed yeah

00:12:09.860 you bombed sorry i scared people no because what happened was i was talking to uh the audience and

00:12:15.460 there was like this woman that she wouldn't shut up yeah and i was like you look like portuguese jab 0.88

00:12:19.860 of the hut yeah and it was too hard because she was like really fat and she was eating she was distracting

00:12:25.140 me she kept she had an empty popcorn thing and she just kept reaching into it like and rattling around

00:12:30.820 the kernels like looking for more popcorn i was just like i was getting really i'm fat i'm allowed 0.95

00:12:39.140 to make fun of fat people it's not how it works like if you're black you make fun of blacks yeah but 1.00

00:12:42.580 it's a fat woman yeah yeah well i'm trans yeah i'm bolivia joe oh you should see my pussy 1.00

00:12:52.900 i can make a pussy i just hold my asshole and my balls 1.00

00:12:59.460 cut an incision in my paint look at this tuck your sack back i well like oh dude we should 1.00

00:13:05.300 dress you in drag can we do drag three of us don't even film it drag time comedy hour 0.65

00:13:10.340 just dress up like women that's what this is all that's what this is becoming is the the left-wing 0.99

00:13:16.500 people are slowly they're like i don't even do drag and like the right-wing people are in drag

00:13:20.580 being like look how gay they are remember it's me it's me doing olivia being like whoa 0.98

00:13:28.900 but maybe i don't know chinese woman with a flat ass i did do theater in high school 1.00

00:13:32.820 no no but i did i also played hockey so i was like half theater kid half i was assistant 0.98

00:13:39.860 captain of the hockey team and now i'm now i'm telling

00:13:46.420 theater first hockey you live in markup like he has all the talent of a theater kid but he's racist

00:13:56.500 because he played hockey 0.97

00:14:00.660 what have we done if you if you took theater and played sports in high school you're just racist

00:14:04.580 now yeah you're just really good at well because yeah you just did the accent in a locker room with

00:14:10.980 a bunch of kids yeah i didn't really i don't know if i did chinese accents with oh i did it to my

00:14:16.980 i did it with my mom you for my mom would love it when i would do a chinese and we'd see a chinese

00:14:20.980 because there was this guy in my high school named howard dong and i was telling my mom about that

00:14:26.580 she just died laughing at howard dong she would just that was literally all she'd say she'd be like

00:14:32.740 remember that one camera oh yeah just kill every time oh it's just yeah it's racist it's funny

00:14:41.140 we had a friend named henry zhao my mom was like are you hawaiian

00:14:44.500 yeah and she was like you're too good looking to be chinese this is just trying to 1.00

00:14:51.380 fuck that kid she was a teacher oh oh she had sex with zivoli 1.00

00:15:00.900 henry zhao's out there yeah i saw him yeah he lives in matt's building 1.00

00:15:07.540 the guy who used to own the world comedy theater sold it and sold the whole building right before

00:15:11.940 i right as i was started selling out every tuesday yeah he was like i actually like running

00:15:16.820 or every monday club yeah i was making good money every week selling that show out and then he sold

00:15:21.780 the club so now we're doing it monthly it's at yuck yuck september 27th go get tickets but um

00:15:28.180 what else so yeah that saturday night show was just weird you killed you also went on before me and

00:15:32.420 murdered yeah a little too hard for my liking oh yeah sorry buddy well but you but you had to too

00:15:39.060 because like mark was there the owner who just signed you he was there so i had to leave it's

00:15:43.620 like people like what's it like being signed to yuck yucks i think the best way to describe it is

00:15:47.380 it's like getting signed to like a minor hockey league team

00:15:51.620 it's like getting signed to like a select team

00:15:57.540 yeah it's like the coach like that'd be like like the g they didn't well depending i played single

00:16:02.100 a there was no owner but there was like this the giant tiger that sponsors the coach was like

00:16:08.260 he'd watch you and then he would be like come here yeah look i think we're going to sign you

00:16:12.500 but you need to you need to get your cardio up that's what he's always telling me because i was

00:16:16.100 fat yeah i don't think you can make it for 45 minutes you're gonna get out of breath

00:16:23.860 like that's a good euphorism for your fat but that's what it's like it's like getting signed

00:16:27.460 they finally that that's the excitement of like yo i'm signing a contract i'm 12 years old i'm

00:16:31.940 gonna play for the penguins it's like toronto bang but it's cool well obviously it's way cool 0.78

00:16:38.180 but that's the similar it's the first real job i've ever had it's fucking i've only ever been like 0.96

00:16:43.540 a bartender this guy's the luckiest man on earth that's good oh i poured the gin in a cup and then 0.90

00:16:50.100 i was just ben bankers's friend i don't have a place to live but i have a porch i sleep in the

00:16:58.980 bush and ben bankers's parking garage whoa answer that on the pod this content who is that

00:17:05.220 is it probably a fake number okay so answer answer answer answer put it up to the thing hello

00:17:14.260 hi this is matt calling you from rogers i've been doing well today uh yeah doing great what's up

00:17:21.460 i'm good thanks for asking uh well the reason of this call we are offering you the home phone

00:17:26.180 internet and tv battle in just 85 dollars a month so i believe you're not using rogers i'm a billionaire

00:17:38.980 do you understand are you using do you understand how much money i have 100 billion dollars

00:17:47.300 so what why would i need why would i need why would i need

00:17:50.580 rogers what is roger who is roger i'm offered to buy the company how much how much do you make this

00:18:01.620 year i'll give you i'll give you a hundred thousand dollars right now to hang up

00:18:07.780 thank you so much we don't need that i'm gonna give it to you as a gift i want to give you specifically

00:18:13.300 what's your name thank you so much we don't need that for from your side we are working hard for

00:18:20.580 that i'm gonna give you 800 million dollars to hang up this phone

00:18:24.420 that was so much money i cannot say no i have to hang up

00:18:42.580 you just get fired from rogers he's like but i thought i was gonna get 800 million dollars

00:18:49.620 i thought i was in a mr beast video

00:18:56.980 oh my god we should make that sketch a guy thinks he's got selected for mr beast

00:19:00.580 we should just we should just do that we should just prank call random indian people in the phone 1.00

00:19:15.140 book and no what we do we order we order ubers and we go yo we call the uber we go today's your

00:19:21.460 lucky day i'm giving you one thousand dollars canceled it's right just ordering what just

00:19:31.220 order an indian guy to like come to your place and just be like yo if you cancel this ride i'll 1.00

00:19:35.060 give you a thousand dollars just cancel the ride and just parked outside and then you just film them

00:19:41.540 being like what the fuck well we could we could prove that that um uber drivers are actually just 0.72

00:19:49.380 a slave class because we could just like start asking them to do random stuff can you make every 0.95

00:19:54.340 pointer and leave i'll give you 15 i'll give you a hundred dollars right now to slam on the like

00:20:00.420 i don't know run this red light oh yeah that is good content no that's illegal i'll give you 15

00:20:07.140 is that illegal yeah you're offering someone money to like on camera to run a red light that's

00:20:11.940 no that's patreon it's paywall

00:20:14.020 subscribe to patreon you'll see us break numerous laws i got a new idea for a video where we rob a

00:20:26.340 toxic driver this episode is brought to you by um patreon patreon.com slash ben bankers please uh go to

00:20:49.060 patreon.com slash ben bankers and you can sign up to get access to

00:20:55.700 tens of hours right now there's about 30 hours of bonus content um tens of tens of hours

00:21:04.980 hours come on we got hundreds of hours up there hundreds of hours was it really to this point yeah

00:21:15.620 we've got at least 50 episodes i'm trying to sell them guys um we need you to sign up because

00:21:23.940 um i didn't realize car insurance i had to pay it and uh i didn't pay it that's a bonus 0.79

00:21:30.740 to you no uh we don't really give a shit if you uh sign up or not how about that reverse psychology 0.98

00:21:40.420 yeah but don't sign up yeah don't you dare if you fucking sign up for patreon i'm blocking there's 1.00

00:21:44.980 a picture of my friend's dick on it you're not selling this yeah you guys you want to see an ugly 1.00

00:21:50.660 cock matt baxter's dicks on it he had sex with a trans person 1.00

00:21:57.940 so did i you're not selling this 1.00

00:22:02.100 there's lots of stuff that we talk about early access to his comedy clips if you want to see

00:22:06.420 extended comedy clips from things you haven't seen behind the scenes videos sketches that he

00:22:11.220 hasn't uploaded because you would get taken down from instagram because they're too crazy if you love

00:22:15.460 all that you love the chow you love the sooyoung some of the good takes that we didn't that put

00:22:20.980 out emails that were too crazy for us and some of the episodes that are too crazy

00:22:25.540 like we might have an episode right disclose daniel boardman's home address and his parents

00:22:29.700 address in the postal well i just get really mad at him for doing so i might do it right now

00:22:37.700 if you subscribe right now if we if yeah if a hundred people join patreon from now to next week

00:22:44.420 six dollars a month armin will ruin my parents life eighty dollars a month to do this podcast that

00:22:50.660 will go towards at least a tank of gas for the car that i'm going to get

00:22:55.940 so subscribe so i can do burlington yachts yeah i'll give more than that

00:23:02.260 i'll give them i'll give these guys a third of my patreon

00:23:07.380 that's on camera but he's going to edit it out

00:23:16.580 just time stamped it so i owe you

00:23:20.100 what do you owe me now i'll just put your money that i would owe you towards

00:23:25.620 towards what your heart card shirts

00:23:26.820 it is funny watching you drink tiny cans like a gorilla

00:23:39.140 if you come to toronto you can see ben bane gorilla god 0.98

00:23:43.140 on september 27th watch him drink a can of

00:23:46.820 cranberry ginger ale

00:23:48.020 give me a cigarette let me have a cigarette in here

00:23:54.180 it's not my house were you asking me if you could have a cigarette you have the cigarettes

00:23:58.580 no he's saying no he let me drive his father's car

00:24:03.140 he let me merge without looking does it smell like cigarettes in here

00:24:06.740 no but i feel like if all boardman doesn't want to say no because he's like how many did you smoke

00:24:11.460 good okay no we can't

00:24:16.100 can we smoke a cigarette on camera in your parents house

00:24:19.540 no my dad's a fan of yours

00:24:22.980 yeah well he would be 0.98

00:24:23.860 fucking honored to watch ben bankers smoke a paul 0.98

00:24:26.740 i'm a fan of the fan that he's installed in the house 0.99

00:24:30.020 of where he lives is that exactly

00:24:33.380 guys sign up for patreon and that's the end of

00:24:36.900 first thing you get from you sign up for patreon

00:24:38.980 okay now we got to talk about um trudeau went to india and was stuck on the tarmac in india

00:24:45.220 and the uh indians didn't know what to do because you had brown face on and a turban and they were 0.98

00:24:52.740 going no no you'll be dead on this and he was going no no no no no no no and so they had to uh

00:24:59.300 uh they had to put him in room what is it 101 yeah and uh the indian room 101 so

00:25:08.660 the torture that they do in there is they just they just play indian music

00:25:16.260 yeah tarmac kind of sounds like an indian food

00:25:19.460 i had a well it's like the two room

00:25:23.780 have you ever had tarmac and chicken but the whole 101 thing is like they take what you're

00:25:26.900 specifically afraid of so what would the indian government do for trudeau where they went 0.99

00:25:30.180 would it be ben bankers clips they just show me going they show him pictures of vaginas 1.00

00:25:35.860 just truckers just honking horns do you think he's gay trudeau 1.00

00:25:40.340 maybe i don't know buys why'd you get so gay about it i think he sucked a dick 1.00

00:25:45.300 i mean i had sex with trudeau 1.00

00:25:49.700 did he fuck you at like a me to we conference 0.99

00:25:53.940 him and ben malroney just held you down and it was during coney 2012 0.99

00:25:57.700 yeah yeah that's how how old were you during uh coney 2012

00:26:03.460 i was in grade eight how old were you

00:26:05.300 no i remember that was like a university thing for like us

00:26:10.260 yeah no i wasn't crazy you guys were adults

00:26:12.500 uh i remember trolling my like grade eight art teacher about it and she like cried 0.99

00:26:17.380 kept being like this is bullshit then the guy got caught like having a meltdown jerking off 0.89

00:26:21.300 yeah kept showing her the article she's like he was trying to do the right thing and we're just 1.00

00:26:25.700 like yeah but he's a piece of shit jerking off and running kids who the the coney 2012 0.98

00:26:32.980 was like it was an exacerbated documentary that kind of made it seem like it was more of an issue 1.00

00:26:36.980 than it was so then it was a huge issue that it was all fraud and he embezzled all the money from

00:26:41.540 the organization so he just ran down the street naked jerking off it was like huge issue in like

00:26:45.940 2006 but it had kind of been solved mostly for like years prior to that but then like 0.70

00:26:49.940 cody 12 like the story whenever but it was like a weird religious cult that they were a part of

00:26:54.020 like save the children they had like these musical grand i was one of the children like

00:26:58.260 fucking like it weird cult-esque videos like join us go to the island youth leadership 0.99

00:27:03.620 and like high school musical level dance numbers it was it was fucking crazy 0.99

00:27:08.420 yeah

00:27:14.740 there's something so funny just thinking about like people from like scarborough

00:27:19.060 ontario going up

00:27:20.100 that's probably what the islands feel like

00:27:22.740 oh i saw a tyrandosaurus right

00:27:24.500 yeah

00:27:37.780 yeah that's why they had to make them they should just remake every movie with just like kind of 0.59

00:27:42.580 people which is what they're doing yeah but they make all the black people like hold on one 1.00

00:27:47.140 one well yeah i mean they want somebody they should make it like she a motherfucker it's a dinosaur 1.00

00:27:55.220 i see what you're saying they gotta get chris tucker yes 0.98

00:27:58.500 chris tucker i'd love to drive jackie chan chris tucker rush hour five

00:28:03.140 you're the you're the new villain in bush hour five

00:28:14.500 i would love to be a villain 0.51

00:28:15.940 yeah you would be

00:28:16.340 yeah he keeps throwing my accent 1.00

00:28:20.420 i don't like these motherfucking videos 1.00

00:28:24.740 shit he's making fun of soo young 1.00

00:28:28.500 soo young is the name of the 1.00

00:28:29.860 fucking girl from the first rush hour film i swear 1.00

00:28:33.380 look it up dude 1.00

00:28:35.380 that's the girl yeah 0.99

00:28:36.900 yeah the daughter that's missing yeah yeah yeah i think it is

00:28:39.300 i must find soo

00:28:41.300 people are so like mean to me about they're just like they're so mean to me

00:28:46.180 maybe that was the girl from rush hour one like not that it like hurts me but they they're

00:28:50.260 trying they try to be mean but i think i'm so much meaner than them so it's almost like

00:28:53.860 oh yeah replies it's just like your cat will not even remember you 1.00

00:28:57.060 you're a useless piece of garbage you insignificant speck you will die alone 1.00

00:29:03.940 it's like bro i'm 14 dude i don't know i just didn't get the joke 1.00

00:29:09.700 i'm from wisconsin like i don't know who olivia chow even is 1.00

00:29:11.940 i love replying to on tiktok specifically just because it's

00:29:19.220 people deserve to be uh to have their feelings hurt on tiktok

00:29:25.060 you're like batman but you take your vengeance out online 0.99

00:29:27.860 tiktok i go on tiktok and i go who's the youngest child i can make kill themselves 0.99

00:29:32.580 no he doesn't do that of course 0.86

00:29:37.540 he's joking they're over 18

00:29:42.580 kill yourself you are 36 if there was imagine there's no censorship though like

00:29:48.020 nobody there people would comment less 0.97

00:29:51.060 like i think censorship almost makes people comment more yeah because they're kind of like

00:29:54.660 protected from being told that they're losers like yeah because it's like they're like this 0.58

00:29:59.140 isn't good this is and but like if there was no censorship you're like shut up you 1.00

00:30:02.740 fucking faggot go fucking kill yourself and then they would just be like okay and then it would 1.00

00:30:06.900 be like the world's a better place okay okay 1.00

00:30:14.020 make this person kill themself button where you just yeah chat you just push it and it just says

00:30:18.580 the meanest possible thing reply i think it's just called being friends with ben bank is handing

00:30:23.380 up your phone what do you say to this guy hold on you got an app

00:30:32.980 you should have like a cameo service where you just write the or it's an app where like you can

00:30:37.220 like say yo ben bank is will text the meanest thing he can in this conversation like adventure

00:30:43.780 your phone buzzes i got to ruin this woman's life for a hundred dollars no i think that um 1.00

00:30:49.620 um generally i think it's better to just not reply unless like but like i i've noticed recently 0.97

00:30:56.180 like a lot of creators like reply to the beef to a lot of shit just everything well it's good some 0.63

00:31:03.780 people do yeah some i i try not to do to everything really well yeah but sometimes sometimes i'll go

00:31:09.460 back and i'll be like oh and i'll like reply to a bunch of people in like a video from like a week

00:31:13.540 ago or something which i think is like cooler than like doing it right away to like much but even then

00:31:19.140 it's like what like i don't know like but people appreciate it they want to communicate right so when

00:31:26.420 they say this you know something and then i say something like crazier back i it's funny but it's

00:31:36.020 probably not probably shouldn't just not talk to any anybody not talk to anyone no you talk to

00:31:42.580 some people but bank house hides it it'd be better if i just had somebody like manage my social media

00:31:46.660 i just send like here's a video yeah but then i wouldn't look at it all i don't think yeah but i

00:31:53.140 think it's only on tick tock because i really just don't care about tick tock and i just think everybody

00:31:57.060 on there is just a retard yeah and like people need to be put like i'll be honest people need to be put 0.92

00:32:03.460 in their place i think a little bit like the the woman in a mask driving you just wouldn't move 1.00

00:32:09.380 for well like it's like the same thing when i like post all their videos they make of me on like

00:32:13.540 instagram and then all my fans just like ruthlessly like tear them apart and it's like 1.00

00:32:18.740 sorry what did you expect bitch like fuck you thought you were gonna fucking do like 1.00

00:32:24.340 what the like and because in their world it's like i'm like oh my god they're right 1.00

00:32:29.060 until they're attacking oh i was exposed videos but then i'm just like oh look at these faggots 1.00

00:32:35.300 and then everybody's like this is hilarious i'm gonna buy tickets and then it's like yeah sorry you 0.97

00:32:38.900 lose i won that's kind of i won yeah it's like i get the whole like you know joe rogan like don't

00:32:46.660 look at the comment don't even don't roll but like if you're at that level obviously if you have

00:32:51.700 a hundred million dollars from fucking whatever if you have a hundred million if you have if i had 0.97

00:32:56.580 if i had over 100k i think even like i think like i think i'm be honest i'm a little self-conscious 0.98

00:33:03.780 because i'm like why am i stuck at 79k and it'll go up and then i'll loot and then i'll post one thing

00:33:10.020 and it's like so sensitive like that people are like no i hate that i love it it's just like this like

00:33:15.700 crazy little thing i'm in right now where it's like i there's something has to happen where it

00:33:22.420 goes to the next it's crazy level i think we have to take it to the next level i think it's sketches

00:33:28.820 i think it's the podcast i think it's all that kind of stuff i think once i get a car you're gonna get

00:33:32.740 a million dollars yeah 2011 miata master miata 1986 old mobile

00:33:44.900 but that's uh if any fans have a car that they want to give me you can uh give me your car

00:33:51.300 that's it it's a whole podcast it was 30 minutes

00:33:53.540 subscribe to me we need money because we're a retarded 0.79

00:34:06.500 everybody is angry because

00:34:12.900 no one has any idea what's going on

00:34:15.860 and then like i have other retarded my fan like some of my retarded fans they like try to give me 0.97

00:34:20.740 advice like bro you gotta stop doing that or like i'll tell you what you gotta start doing 0.62

00:34:26.580 you gotta make a video of blackface it's time people have told me that yeah that's liam used 0.91

00:34:30.740 to tell me to make a video of yellow face which is what i do every day and then he died

00:34:35.300 r.i.p r.i.p liam rose in peace liam

00:34:42.500 liam was racist too

00:34:43.780 liam was the most racist then you can listen to that he was legitimately racist

00:34:47.620 so yeah that's 25 a month of our dead friend our friend two weeks before he died did my podcast

00:34:52.820 and just went on a racist tirade about indians

00:34:55.220 it's not even like he did the

00:34:57.300 he did the banker show he was like that was 0.98

00:35:00.100 fucked up he called ben and we were 0.97

00:35:04.260 well ben and i were starting to record a podcast 0.97

00:35:06.260 that was his last will and testament was your podcast yeah he was like i'm gonna say my last

00:35:11.780 statements yeah to the most horrifically racist things don't demand

00:35:17.380 but like funny and also inside no they were very funny i mean yeah like they were just like kill 0.99

00:35:22.260 them immediately it was more like kill them but in a week do you want to know what drove a sad white 0.99

00:35:27.540 man to his doom 1.00

00:35:31.220 pay six dollars a month

00:35:33.140 you can listen to my dead friend 0.61

00:35:36.020 racist tirade

00:35:37.460 yeah no our patreon is

00:35:38.980 we literally we have a podcast that we recorded three weeks ago on a dead guy's voice

00:35:45.620 the ghost the ghost of liam dugan

00:35:50.820 why is that moving

00:35:52.020 it's liam

00:35:57.140 i feel the spirit of liam every time i put on the the wig

00:36:00.580 the ghost of liam is haunted

00:36:04.980 he never paid me for that gas

00:36:07.780 i didn't know i owed him sixty dollars

00:36:10.900 yeah you should but he kept asking me for it

00:36:13.060 you should go to his grave and leave it should i just send an e-transfer to what 0.84

00:36:16.500 his bank account's closed is it

00:36:18.500 yeah he's dead i feel like his parents probably left it open

00:36:22.340 next of kin for you to throw 60 bucks and they could take it and i'm like wait

00:36:27.060 leave it open that might be a gas money that he hasn't received

00:36:32.660 he might have driven these guys he drove it he should if he had just done stand-up one of

00:36:37.540 we were like do a spot do five minutes and like he just wouldn't do it he was like 0.99

00:36:41.540 no i want to drink yeah i already get posted so stupid i know well 0.99

00:36:48.180 he's dead he's happier than us probably he's an eternal bliss no he's not in heaven 1.00

00:36:55.380 you think it's all the same like baseline i think there's nothing and you die and you get to do it

00:37:02.180 i think it's if you just think you reincarnate dude you know how okay if you meditate and you just say

00:37:07.620 like the mantra meditation where you just say the same word over and over again if you do that for

00:37:12.660 long enough you i think that's exactly what being dead is it's just purely nothing and your brain

00:37:18.020 like you're like you're just like 0.99

00:37:23.620 you're indian 0.72

00:37:26.260 when you die you have an x and you will 0.99

00:37:29.380 when you die you're the uber 0.93

00:37:34.660 what the 0.58

00:37:35.220 you're like okay

00:37:40.740 the dead walk the earth again no we're not meditating on a podcast

00:37:48.340 for this portion

00:37:49.220 you could see an extended meditation on patreon 0.98

00:38:01.220 doing fucking 15 minutes just sitting there 0.97

00:38:03.220 you should do like workout seminars where you're like dressed up like gene simmons with 0.99

00:38:27.700 leg warmers and you're like and one and two and one and two and you're just fat struggling that'd be so 0.94

00:38:34.420 fucking funny 0.97

00:38:37.380 but instead 0.94

00:38:43.380 we will not make that content no we should yeah we're gonna we're gonna come out with a whole bunch

00:38:47.460 of other uh new skits yeah they're gonna be professionally made

00:38:50.740 and we're gonna we're gonna you kind of look like anthony poach

00:38:53.220 those glasses we're gonna make them with uh mike anunziata no no

00:38:58.500 hey bro hey bro mike anunziata is this guy that we know that sounds like hey bro and he looks like

00:39:04.740 yeah he was like i'm gonna film your set bro yeah and he showed up and then he was like and then

00:39:08.900 we showed up he was already there he's like my camera's broken bro i spent four grand on his

00:39:14.180 camera it doesn't work bro it's called magic because it doesn't work it's called magic it's not aids

00:39:19.460 um yeah so that's not gonna happen but we are gonna steal his equipment and hire somebody else

00:39:26.740 yes and we're gonna commit grant that we are look we're adding to the team so if you want to apply

00:39:32.020 online um send us the video of you send us your ancestry.ca

00:39:40.260 if it doesn't say 99 chinese you're not kidding you 0.99

00:39:43.220 that's my name i just want to see a video of like a bunch of chinese guys that are jack asters and

00:39:55.140 they put down a plate of loaded nachos and they're like oh oh oh

00:39:59.940 jack asters boom china what do i say when food gets put down boom oh the on route with the burger

00:40:11.780 king boom a burger king on route celebrate his daughter's first birthday oh yeah that was on the

00:40:18.260 way to chatham yeah you got burger king and it got laid out he was like boom this guy was i hadn't

00:40:24.020 seen him so happy at months yeah boom shakalaka that's the roadhouse whopper

00:40:31.860 what else happened this week uh the trudo thing oh was the other thing oh yeah teresa tam

00:40:35.780 teresa tam came back teresa tam came back the cat came back thinks you got jealous of olivia 1.00

00:40:41.620 teresa tam teresa tam hey teresa you're so fine you're so fine i wear a message too

00:40:58.980 oh what song is that i don't know i'm trying to make up a song like that one

00:41:03.540 hey hey hey time you're so fine you're so fine you bro i mind hey tam

00:41:14.500 who's the other one or rivia hey rivia

00:41:18.180 ciao or rivia tam or rivia one is teresa and one is a man

00:41:25.860 it's so funny like the amount of like racist like comments towards teresa tam

00:41:36.820 do you think i'm the only one

00:41:39.860 what do you mean like the only racist towards theresa tam or the only one making like videos mocking her

00:41:45.300 it's funny how you can't just like make a funny video anymore right like it just you make a funny

00:41:53.860 video and like saying you know you have a comedy career oh that's a terrible thing that happened

00:42:01.620 i should have just shared it to my friends

00:42:03.300 that's what olivia chow sounds like when she snores 1.00

00:42:23.300 this is this is what her face olivia chow's face looks like that because she has bell's palsy from 1.00

00:42:28.100 getting too many phisers do you think she has one of those like cat things it's like the swinging arms 1.00

00:42:39.780 and you have the giant glasses

00:42:41.620 yes one of those on her desk

00:42:44.100 it's like that's so offensive

00:42:46.580 that's all they you they have that there for good luck

00:42:48.980 it means fortune

00:42:51.540 boardman's like

00:42:53.220 boardman's like i got sued for putting a towel on my head

00:42:58.100 there's a nationally public post yeah we googled your name in the car and the second image was uh

00:43:04.500 pretty funny

00:43:06.420 yeah there is an image of you with a towel on your head

00:43:08.340 just straight up it's like

00:43:09.220 i want to chat that yeah

00:43:11.620 that was a funny video

00:43:13.140 i know you were mad 0.63

00:43:14.180 we were saying that you should have just said like i'm a comedian

00:43:17.220 i did instead of i'm a serious journalist

00:43:22.260 and everything i mean

00:43:24.900 but you're a comedian now 0.96

00:43:25.940 you're a comedian now so it's okay you can dress up like a black guy 1.00

00:43:28.500 yeah do something 0.99

00:43:30.020 put on a hijab put on a hijab 0.99

00:43:32.020 just for old time's sake

00:43:33.300 all right hook me up with a hijab 0.96

00:43:35.620 let me get you a hijab kids we have a few in the face 1.00

00:43:39.780 we got daniel boardman dressed in drag but as a muslim woman

00:43:42.340 there are drag there are like trans people that dress muslim 0.95

00:43:49.780 i know 0.97

00:43:52.900 what's that about do you know like they're insane because it's like yeah i want to be

00:43:57.060 in a religion that actively calls for no there's people who are just like legit 0.99

00:44:01.060 cognitive dissidents level politically insane like you know the or it's like gay guys 0.98

00:44:04.420 the rainbow there's like this left-wing protester who goes to all like the anti-freedom convoy thing

00:44:09.220 like she calls her name's like on twitter she's like rainbow karen but it's like dina sharif or

00:44:13.780 whatever she got memes like yelling like

00:44:17.620 but like her she's like this white lady with like 1.00

00:44:20.500 like you know trans hair and like goes on and like

00:44:23.060 yeah but she's like when the whole muslim thing happened she's like

00:44:29.060 as a muslim and you're like

00:44:31.620 i don't think so when islam was invented al-sharif

00:44:34.900 all right well 0.99

00:44:56.900 guys we have a lot of uh crazy shit coming up 0.99

00:44:59.300 london london ontario sold out we're not doing a second show because that's stupid it's sold out 0.99

00:45:06.660 to short notice the bar i've never even been there they've never done comedy oh no it's going to be

00:45:13.940 very bad no it's not gonna be bad at all it's actually a really cool bar it's a it's a really nice

00:45:20.900 bar it's called the doghouse it's gonna be sick the guy's awesome but they haven't done

00:45:25.380 a lot of shows there i didn't want to like be like let's like kick everybody out right i want

00:45:29.060 it to be like kind of more like a vibe like hang out yeah it's about get out yeah um which is why

00:45:35.780 you know the the whole controversies that have been happening

00:45:47.060 directed by david lynch

00:45:49.860 all of the controversies that have been happening with me getting canceled from theater venues

00:45:54.740 not from comedy clubs so all the theaters that i you know wanted to rent because

00:46:01.380 right now if i do a comedy club i sell 300 tickets a lot of the clubs are only 150 so i'm

00:46:06.100 doing two shows i have to work twice as hard for less money than if i had

00:46:11.060 was was renting a theater um but those theaters are all woke so i'm not allowed to perform there so

00:46:17.220 gotta be a yuck yuck stepped up to the plate they're the best thank you mark and yucks um 0.95

00:46:24.100 and we're fucking ripping these shows dude toronto toronto's almost sold out almost sold out 0.98

00:46:30.660 downtown that's about 300 people so we're almost sold out at 300 that's gonna be fucking amazing 0.97

00:46:37.700 what's the other uh friday friday the 22nd we're in waterloo friday the 22nd in waterloo

00:46:42.980 pop-up show at inosante brewing in the sauna um and then october 11th and 12th

00:46:50.100 halifax st john's and then there's gonna be a bit of a break for a month or so and then we're gonna

00:46:57.460 be back on the road mid-november doing the entire west coast from mid-november until basically like

00:47:04.020 christmas and then we're gonna be planning a big possibly toronto maybe somewhere else you guys tell

00:47:09.780 me in the comments where you think we should do a new year's show um we want to do a big new year's

00:47:15.780 fun event so maybe not that big because people don't really want to do really good if we do it

00:47:21.860 with the daniel boidman's parents we might have a cigarette

00:47:27.620 light a cigarette daniel let us smoke cigarettes

00:47:30.340 wait kid kid kid kid you want to make it this industry you got to get second hand cancer

00:47:39.460 anyway guys we love you sign for patreon go buy a chow t-shirt chow

00:47:47.620 that's how you say bye chow chow chow chow chow

Bankas Podcast - September 16, 2023

Fentanorr ｜ The Bankas Show - #029

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