MODESTY Q&A - Answering YOUR Questions! - Part 1 ｜｜ Modesty at the beach？ How short is too short？
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Summary
In this video, we discuss the importance of modesty, why it's important to be modest, and how to become more modest. I also discuss why modesty is important in a sexualized world, and what it means to be a modest woman.
Transcript
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Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be doing a modesty Q&A.
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So I asked you guys on Instagram to send in your modesty questions and I have a whole list of them
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right here printed out and there are quite a few so I'm going to do my best to get to as many of
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them as I can but we can always do a part two to this video and this is clearly a topic that a lot
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of people have questions about. So I'm really excited to start chatting about this today.
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I'm really excited to just have a space on my channel where we can talk about modesty because
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I think that a lot of women feel uncomfortable talking about modesty because it feels like
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oh it's oppressive when in my opinion it's not oppressive at all. So I'd really like to
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talk about all of that and I want to preface this video with a few things. The first thing I want
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to do is clarify what I mean when I speak about modesty. So on my channel I'm kind of talking
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about the base level of modesty. I'm not talking about certain religious rules when it comes to
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being modest. I'm just talking about the things that are just kind of like ground rules for
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modesty. Ways to cover up very obviously sexual parts of the body. That's usually going to mean
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covering up cleavage. It's going to mean shorts that cover your bottom. I'm not specifically talking
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about wearing shirts that cover your shoulders or skirts that cover the knee or anything like that.
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And the reason that I'm being a little bit less strict about modesty on my channel is for two
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reasons. One is that I don't want to alienate anybody who is doing their best to be modest but maybe
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hasn't decided that they want to go all the way to covering up their arms or wearing really long
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skirts or whatever it is. I want people to feel like you're doing a great job even if you've just
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decided that you're not going to wear something that's low cut or wear a really really short skirt.
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That for me is a great place to start and it may be where you end up and that is totally fine.
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But just starting there and having some certain ground rules about modesty to me is going to start
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a conversation that is much more useful than just immediately going from okay this is what
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the average woman might wear in 2020 to okay cover everything up. It just might be too hard of a
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transition. So that's number one. And number two is that I want it to be attainable. If you are somebody
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who isn't used to dressing modestly there are just a couple of things you can start off by doing that
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will make your closet and your clothing a little bit more modest and it doesn't have to be this huge
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enormous overhaul to what you're already wearing. Instead you can take small baby steps to become a
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little bit more modest and if you decide you want to become even more modest over time do it. That's
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great. I just want to make it a little bit more attainable for those people who are not used to
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being modest and may want to become more modest over time. The next thing I want to address before
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we get into the questions is why modesty is important and there's a lot of different reasons for
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that. I've done a few videos on it so I'm not going to get super into it here. We want to be
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modest for ourselves and that's for two reasons. One is that you want to treat your body with respect
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and you don't want people to constantly be looking at your body before knowing who you are and your
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personality because putting your body out first is going to act as a distraction from who you are
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and from your personality because your body is the first thing that you're sharing with someone as
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opposed to wearing something that's attractive and that accentuates your best features but isn't
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putting your whole body out there on display. And then the other part of dressing modestly is that if
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you want a certain kind of man and you're looking for a long-term relationship dressing in a certain
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way may give men the wrong idea for what you are actually wanting to do and if you are dressed in a
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way that is showing off a lot of skin then men may think that you're more interested in a short-term
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relationship kind of thing than something that's more long-term because they're going to view you
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more sexually than they are going to view you as a woman that they would want to date. So that's just a
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couple of reasons that modesty is important. There are many many more but I did just want to touch on
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that quickly before getting into the rest of this video. So let's get into it. So the first question
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we've got here is what are your thoughts on modesty at the beach? And I have gotten so many questions
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like this because I think that dressing modestly at the beach is really hard. We are living in a time
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where people are basically wearing underwear to the beach so it is difficult to kind of understand and
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figure out what would be modest. So for me because we are talking kind of basic level of modesty I would
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say that there are a few different ways to be modest at the beach but I would definitely say that
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wearing a string bikini isn't one of them. Wearing a string bikini or wearing a thong that kind of
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stuff to me shows too much skin. Wearing a string bikini may attract attention that you don't want
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as well as it's just not really respecting your body in a way that you're kind of putting everything
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out there. So when I'm talking about modesty at the beach what I generally recommend is wearing a
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one-piece. I think that one-pieces do cover up more of the body than just a two-piece. Of course I'm not
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talking about a mono-kini or something that is basically a two-piece but has like mesh over it
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but I'm talking about like a real one-piece. Another good option is wearing a high-waisted bikini with
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kind of like a sports bra top. That to me is more modest than a string bikini because you are covering
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more skin. Things are a little bit more tucked away. It's not like you're putting everything out
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on display. Wearing a more full coverage bottom rather than a thong where you're kind of just
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putting your entire butt out for everyone to see is something I would consider immodest so wearing a
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more full coverage bottom is more modest to me. And wearing rash guards is a really good option not
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only because it's more modest but because it is better for your skin. It protects you from sunburns.
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Do I always wear a rash guard? No. But I do kind of switch off in between. I have a few bathing suits
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that are rash guards and I do like those on days where it's really hot really sunny because I don't
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have to worry about getting that really horrible sunburn on your shoulders. So I like the idea of that
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too. Now if you want to be more modest than that you can wear swim shorts. I think that that's really nice
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or a swim skirt but it's not to me necessary. It's more up to you. If you're more comfortable covering up
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that makes sense to me. But those are the rules that I follow when it comes to modesty at the beach
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because you're not showing off your boobs. You're not showing off too much but it's more about
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wearing something that's comfortable that you can play at the beach and not worry that things are
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going to fall out and it also just makes you a little bit more covered up when you are wearing
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a high-waisted bikini or a one-piece. Number two is how to dress modestly as a teenager. So I totally
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understand this question because dressing as a teenager is slightly different than dressing as an adult
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woman. You are going to be wearing probably more casual clothing, things that just you can hang out
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in, not so much business wear. It's just more things that you can hang out in and have fun. So I understand
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why that's difficult especially now because I look at teenagers in 2020 and they're wearing less clothing
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than I think ever before and it's confusing and it would be difficult to kind of navigate that as a
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modest teenager. So what I would recommend is wearing a lot of dresses. I think that'll make things
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easier. They can be casual but wearing a t-shirt dress that comes a little bit longer than your
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fingertips will be easy for you and it won't draw attention to the fact that you're being modest.
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It'll just kind of be cute and comfortable but also is more on the modest side. And then wearing
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t-shirts is a really easy way to get around the modesty question because t-shirts are basically modest
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without trying and wearing just fun jeans or a little bit of a longer short, maybe some cut-offs,
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is another way that you can dress a little bit more on the modest side. But you can generally still find
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things that are still kind of fun and fashionable for your teen years that are modest. I definitely
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did that. I lived that. So there is a way for you to do it and for you to still feel like you're
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fashionable and you can still have fun in what you're wearing. Next up we've got the question
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which retailers are the easiest to shop for modest clothes and which ones are the hardest? So I did get
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a lot of questions similar to this so maybe this will answer some of them. What I'll say about shopping
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for clothing is that I don't have specific stores that I shop at because they sell a lot of modest
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clothing. I just find that a lot of stores have a lot of different options and there may be mostly
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immodest clothing but you'll always find those hidden gems at those stores. But an easy one is
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mod cloth. I always really liked mod cloth because a lot of their clothing is more classic, is more
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feminine, and does have that modest twist which makes things easier. Is it a little bit pricey?
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Yes, so I don't really shop there as much anymore, but they do have a lot of really beautiful dresses,
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a lot of beautiful skirts that do go with a more modest aesthetic. And then as well I find that H&M
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has a lot of really pretty skirts that are a bit longer so I do appreciate that H&M does that
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and they're more on the affordable side so I do find that they have a lot of nice clothing.
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I also shop at TJ Maxx. TJ Maxx has a lot of dresses depending on the season and those dresses can look
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great and be very modest. And then even Forever 21 sometimes has dresses that are on the longer
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side. They'll say that they're middies or whatever but they are actually pretty modest, especially if
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you wear like a top underneath or you wear a jacket over, something like that. Forever 21 can have some
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good options. But Forever 21 is also probably one of the more difficult ones because a lot of their
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clothing is just really far afield, very difficult to find anything that actually looks modest.
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Target also has some really great options when it comes to longer dresses and some cute pants and
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tops and things like that. But the thing for me is that I don't really look at any retailers as oh my
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gosh it's impossible to find anything modest there because if you look through the racks you'll
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generally find a skirt or a pair of pants or a top that does fit your modesty standards. So I'm pretty
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flexible when it comes to shopping. I just like to pop my head into different places and see what they
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have that might work. But the stores that I mentioned also have a pretty good selection.
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Number four is what are some ways to practice modesty that don't have to do with clothing?
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I really like this question because modesty isn't just about clothing. It's about who you are and how
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you behave. And I like that people are trying to think outside the box of just what clothing
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you should wear. So that's a really good way to put it. The thing for me with modesty is mostly about
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not taking for granted the things that you have. I think a lot of being modest comes down to being
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grateful that you have what you have and being grateful to God for helping you be where you are
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today. Because we can work hard and we can affect change but without God we wouldn't be anywhere. So
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having that feeling of being grateful and recognizing where everything that you have comes from
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I think keeps us modest and keeps us grounded. I also think that modesty comes into play when you're
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hanging out with people of the opposite gender. If you hang out with a guy in private alone in his
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room I think that can very quickly go from what was just a friendly hangout session to something that
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is more immodest. So being smart about those situations is going to protect you and also keep
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you being a modest young woman. And then of course modesty has to do with humility. So being humble about
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what you've accomplished, not to say that you can't be confident, but also recognizing that you're not
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better than anybody else, that to me is a good practice of modesty. I'm not a huge proponent of
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modesty being about not being a loud person. I think that if you're loud and that's in your personality
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I have no issue with that. It's more about being a good person and being humble and being grateful.
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Next up is how do you dress modestly but not look dowdy? So I actually did a whole video on this
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basically saying that dressing modestly doesn't have to mean looking frumpy. I am personally not a
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proponent of that at all. I think you can absolutely dress modestly and look attractive.
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And I think what it comes down to is wearing things that fit you and balancing volume. If you're wearing
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too much volume on top and on bottom you are going to look frumpy, you're going to look dowdy.
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But if you're wearing a top that's a little bit more fitted and a bottom that is a little bit more
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flowy, that's going to look so good. It's going to look perfect on you. And if you wear something
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that's a little bit more blousey on top but a more fitted pant, that also works really well.
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So I'll link that video up in the eye because I think it's really important to know that you don't
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have to look frumpy just because you are dressing more modestly. Dressing modestly doesn't mean
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dressing unattractively. It just means not showing that much skin and drawing attention to your cleavage
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for example first before you and your smile and your personality. Number six is what are your
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thoughts on hair covering after marriage? So this is a reference to a Jewish law that says that after
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a woman gets married she covers her hair because that's a part of her nakedness. It's a part of her
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that she shares only with her husband and she doesn't share with other people. It's something
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that's just for him. So I obviously don't cover my hair on a regular basis but I have a lot of friends
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and family who do so I'm not against it at all. For me I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable
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with that. My mother never covered her hair so that's not something I really am used to and it's
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not something I think I'll ever do regularly. Whenever I go to synagogue though or whenever
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I'm in a religious setting I do try and cover my hair because I think it's respectful of the people
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around me who are covering their hair, who are married, and who think that that's an important
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part of being religious. So I don't see that happening for me in my everyday life but if I'm ever in a
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religious Jewish situation I definitely adhere to those laws. Number seven is how short is too short
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when wearing shorts. Short, short, shorts. For me the thing that makes a short too short is if I can
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see the under part of your butt cheek. That to me is too short but if you are wearing shorts that are
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even a little bit longer than that and are covering more of your bottom that to me is more on the modest
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side. Do I try and wear longer shorts? I am currently trying to transition over to that. The majority of my
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shorts are a little bit shorter than a Bermuda short but I think I want to start transitioning
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over to wearing more Bermuda shorts but I don't think either one is immodest. It really is just
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your preference as long as your bottom is covered. What are your husband's thoughts on your way of
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dressing? By the way, love your sense of fashion. Thank you. My husband really likes when I wear modest
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clothing. It actually means a lot to him when I do. To him it's a sign of respect that I'm not trying to
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attract people that aren't him. I like to look nice and I can look pretty but it's not oh I'm putting
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out a sexual message to men who are not my husband and he really appreciates that. Does he force it on
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me? No. This is my decision but it's something that he loves that I do. The next one is any tips on
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finding modest fashion that isn't out of date or looks like it comes from 2012? I don't personally find
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this to be a big issue because I think in 2020 we actually have a lot of different fashion senses and
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styles that fit into that modest fashion. So there's the boho style which is a lot of long
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dresses and if you're into that then it's modest and it's a different aesthetic or if you want to
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dress a little bit more 50s there are a lot of midi skirts that are cut just below the knee that are
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very very modest. There are just a lot of ways to embrace modesty without having to go back to
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looking like you're in 2012 with like a big infinity scarf. Not that I'm opposed to them but basically
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the tips that I would give are figure out what kind of style you like, what kind of era you're
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inspired by. For me it's probably the 40s and the 50s. I really like that aesthetic and then find
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clothing that's cut similarly but that still is very modern. So this little jumpsuit that I'm wearing
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is probably more 50s era and I really like the way it looks but the way that it's cut is still very
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modern and makes me feel very modern plus you can accessorize it in ways that are very modern.
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And looking up looks online that inspire you but that may not be totally modest you can kind of
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look at it and do a twist on that look to make it more modest. So if somebody's wearing a cute blouse
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with very short shorts maybe just getting a longer short with a blousy top might end up working better
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for you and you would like that look or whatever it is that works for you. So finding modern looks
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and then kind of tweaking them to look a little bit more modest is a good place to start. The next one
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is what are your thoughts on off the shoulder tops? As I said I'm really just talking about the
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basic ground rules of modesty so I have no issue with off the shoulder tops. It's whatever you're
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comfortable with when it comes to that. The next one is tips for girls who are new to modesty. I am
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excited about this question because I think there's a lot of really good places to start if you want
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to become more modest and you want to take it slow which I think is a smart idea. You don't want to
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just rush headlong into dressing a different way because you may not end up loving it and it's best to dip
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your toe in and then maybe follow it up. But the first thing I would recommend is get a nude cami.
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So I'm wearing one under my jumpsuit just because this v-neck theoretically could drop a little bit
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lower than I'm comfortable with and it's such a good security blanket for me that I'm not going to
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be showing off cleavage. It's just an easy way for me to be modest without having to think about it.
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So if you have a lot of tops that you like that are more of a v-neck getting a nude cami to wear
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underneath is something that's going to not draw attention away from your top but it will prevent you
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from showing cleavage. So it's kind of like that perfect middle ground where you're not showing
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off your cleavage but you're also not distracting from your own fashion. So that's number one. The
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next thing I would do is get some dresses and skirts that you really love and have them be a
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little bit longer at least as long as your fingertips if not a little bit longer because wearing a
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skirt is so pretty and so feminine and takes away that desire to wear really short shorts because
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they're very breezy. They're not going to make you overheat. So I think that those two things,
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starting off by getting some camisoles, nude or other colors, and then also getting some dresses
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and skirts is a really good place to start. Another thing to do that I recommend is getting
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some tunics to wear over leggings. If you're a leggings kind of a person and you like to wear
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them quite a bit, I'm not a fan of wearing leggings outside of the gym without something on to cover your
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bottom. So wearing a long sweater or a tunic is a really good way to continue to wear leggings but
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also be modest. There are so many more questions here that I wish I could get to but I have been
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sitting in front of the camera for over an hour so I'm gonna have to call it quits now but maybe
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we'll do a part two to this video. Let me know in the comments if that's something you'd be interested
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in. Hey guys, this is Editing Abby here. As I was editing today's video, I realized that I had
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way too much to say for one video so I'm actually going to do a part two anyways and I'm hopefully
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going to post that this week so even though I'm asking if you guys want a part two, you're getting
00:17:57.760
a part two anyways. So I guess the question is do you want a part three and a part four? Also let
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me know in the comments if you have any other questions that I didn't get to in this video or if you
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agree or disagree with my answers. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you guys so much for
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watching today's video. Please subscribe to my channel and blog if you haven't already. Head over to
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