Classically Abby - August 11, 2020


Why Even BE Modest？？ Modesty At The GYM？ ｜｜ Modesty Q&A, Answering YOUR Questions - Part 2


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

206.89655

Word count

2,334

Sentence count

129

Harmful content

Misogyny

11

sentences flagged

Toxicity

10

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this second part of my modesty Q&A, I answer a few more of your questions about how to be modest in the modern world. Part 2 is a little different than the rest of the video, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.200 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be doing part two of my modesty Q&A. 1.00
00:00:09.220 So yesterday I posted part one of my modesty Q&A with you guys and as I was editing this video
00:00:15.520 I realized that I had way too much content for just one video so I decided to split it up into two parts
00:00:22.200 and so today is going to be that second part.
00:00:24.460 So of course I'm going to look a little bit different in this intro than I am in the rest of the video
00:00:28.640 because the rest of the video was recorded last week.
00:00:31.460 But now let's get on to the rest of your questions.
00:00:33.580 So let's get into it.
00:00:34.760 Any modesty tips for a bridesmaid who doesn't get to choose her own dress? 0.85
00:00:39.260 Yes!
00:00:39.780 So when I got married I actually had all my bridesmaids wear the same dress
00:00:43.580 and it was a little cap sleeve and one of my sisters isn't comfortable wearing cap sleeves. 1.00
00:00:48.200 She only covers her elbows.
00:00:49.620 So she actually wore a long sleeved matching top underneath that dress
00:00:55.660 and it made her feel much more comfortable and it didn't bother me at all.
00:00:58.940 So here's what I'll say if you're in a similar situation.
00:01:02.120 Ask her if there's extra fabric that you can buy that you can make a shawl
00:01:06.320 or you can wrap something around
00:01:08.420 and let her know that you have certain modesty rules that you like to uphold.
00:01:12.600 So hopefully she is understanding
00:01:14.720 but what I'll say is that it really does come down generally to alterations.
00:01:18.600 So asking her if you can pay for those alterations
00:01:21.500 take a little bit of extra fabric
00:01:23.020 make a sleeve or whatever it is that matters to you
00:01:25.920 hopefully she understands
00:01:27.640 hopefully she gets it
00:01:28.940 but a lot of women do understand that there are certain rules 1.00
00:01:31.700 that some people uphold and some people don't
00:01:33.760 and you do have to be flexible when it comes to that kind of thing.
00:01:37.100 But for you you'll also have to understand
00:01:38.640 that you'll take on the responsibility of paying for those alterations
00:01:41.300 because it isn't exactly what she imagined
00:01:43.620 so it is more on you to make it fit for you
00:01:46.980 rather than what she had originally chosen.
00:01:49.880 And hopefully it all goes well
00:01:51.600 but I do understand that's a stressful situation
00:01:53.420 a lot of brides want a seamless look for their bridesmaids 1.00
00:01:56.080 but you can't always control that
00:01:57.840 and you just kind of have to go with the flow
00:01:59.780 when it comes to people's requirements.
00:02:02.140 Next up is how to work out modestly.
00:02:04.340 I often see the sports bra short shorts combo at the gym.
00:02:07.640 I got this question a lot too
00:02:09.300 because trying to look modest when you're working out is difficult
00:02:12.200 especially in the age of leggings and short shorts and sports bras.
00:02:15.260 So here's what I recommend for modesty when it comes to the gym.
00:02:19.360 I'm a little bit more flexible about leggings
00:02:21.660 when you're wearing them at the gym specifically for exercise.
00:02:25.640 Do I think they're modest?
00:02:27.040 Not really
00:02:27.880 but the gym is a place where okay I'm a little bit more okay with it
00:02:31.680 you are exercising
00:02:32.780 you're not really focusing on the way that you look
00:02:35.020 it's really just about working out, sweating, whatever it is.
00:02:38.720 So if you want to wear leggings at the gym I'm pretty okay with that.
00:02:41.120 As far as tops I think you can just get away with wearing a t-shirt.
00:02:44.300 That's what I do.
00:02:45.340 I wear t-shirts pretty frequently at the gym.
00:02:47.680 I don't really wear anything else.
00:02:49.540 That's just kind of the easiest thing to do.
00:02:51.920 You don't get really overheated in a t-shirt
00:02:53.740 and it's just an easy way to be modest without even really thinking about it.
00:02:57.220 If you are uncomfortable with wearing leggings only at the gym
00:03:00.460 then throw a pair of shorts on over.
00:03:02.500 I've done that quite a few times.
00:03:04.440 Some of my leggings actually have a pair of shorts connected
00:03:07.040 so that I don't have to worry about it
00:03:08.920 but just wearing shorts over the top of your leggings
00:03:11.500 to kind of disguise your bottom and also the front area
00:03:15.260 is not a terrible idea
00:03:16.700 and it's definitely something that I totally understand.
00:03:19.260 And then if you don't want to wear leggings at all
00:03:20.680 just getting a longer pair of basketball shorts
00:03:22.720 is another way to be modest at the gym.
00:03:24.620 But I also understand that some women don't want to look 1.00
00:03:26.940 schlubby at the gym.
00:03:28.380 They want to look a little bit nicer.
00:03:29.880 So it really comes down to wearing leggings
00:03:32.020 and then maybe wearing a short short over the top
00:03:34.200 that's a little bit looser that disguises those areas
00:03:37.280 and then just wearing a t-shirt or a fitted top
00:03:40.020 that you're comfortable in.
00:03:41.520 But wearing short shorts or wearing a sports bra
00:03:43.580 probably isn't the best way to be modest at the gym
00:03:45.760 just because it is showing pretty much everything off.
00:03:48.340 The next question is,
00:03:49.400 classic pajama ideas.
00:03:51.060 Love being comfy but want to be cute for the hubs.
00:03:53.900 I love this question.
00:03:55.320 So cute.
00:03:56.300 And so what I'll say for me is that
00:03:57.460 I think there are two things that you can wear
00:03:59.240 that are really cute but are also comfortable.
00:04:00.900 So number one is a cotton nightdress
00:04:04.020 that has some kind of stretchy lace along the edges.
00:04:06.920 There are many versions of that
00:04:08.420 that are really comfortable
00:04:09.640 but are also kind of cute and look like a little dress.
00:04:12.500 So finding something like that that you're comfortable in
00:04:14.780 but also is cute enough that your husband will be like,
00:04:17.200 oh, you look nice when you come to bed
00:04:18.580 is a nice thing to have in your pajama wardrobe.
00:04:21.800 And then my other recommendation
00:04:22.880 is having matching pajama sets.
00:04:24.840 I love matching pajama sets.
00:04:27.140 So finding little silk shorts and a little silk top
00:04:30.040 or camisole is really cute
00:04:31.540 or for the winter if you want something
00:04:33.160 that's a little bit heavier.
00:04:34.560 Finding those sets are comfortable enough to sleep in
00:04:36.920 but will still make your husband think
00:04:38.540 that you look adorable when you go to bed.
00:04:40.120 So those are two things that I think are really good
00:04:42.120 to have in your pajama wardrobe.
00:04:44.420 The next question is,
00:04:45.560 why preach modesty when different cultures
00:04:47.680 have varying opinions on what it means?
00:04:49.920 So this is a good question
00:04:51.100 and I'm actually excited to address it.
00:04:53.380 The thing for me is that different cultures
00:04:55.380 may have different ideas of what modesty means
00:04:58.180 but Western culture, which is where we live,
00:05:00.720 has a pretty basic rule 0.88
00:05:02.500 which is that breasts are sexualized 1.00
00:05:04.800 and butts are sexualized 1.00
00:05:06.500 and the midsection is sexualized. 0.96
00:05:08.580 Those three areas are just sexual.
00:05:11.240 They are.
00:05:11.760 Those are things that generally you only show
00:05:14.240 when you're showering or nude
00:05:15.820 or when you're going to be doing something sexual
00:05:18.900 with hopefully your husband.
00:05:20.680 Those are areas that are sexual areas
00:05:23.460 and putting them out on a daily basis to the world
00:05:26.660 is putting out a sexual energy to the world
00:05:29.160 that I don't think is appropriate.
00:05:31.020 Now, yes, there are different rules
00:05:32.880 about what is modest, covering your shoulders,
00:05:34.960 covering your knees, whatever it is,
00:05:37.000 but those areas are a little bit more specific to cultures
00:05:41.220 whereas the breasts, the butt, and the midsection 0.99
00:05:44.320 are just sexual. 0.96
00:05:46.400 Breasts and lower private areas 0.99
00:05:48.480 are actually just sexual areas. 0.93
00:05:51.300 Those are areas that are engaged in sex.
00:05:54.100 So I don't think that it is unreasonable
00:05:56.180 to say that those areas should be kept private
00:05:59.000 and should be left in the bedroom
00:06:01.120 because they are sexual areas of the body.
00:06:04.300 Now, again, if you want to talk about shoulders
00:06:06.420 and knees and all of the rest of it,
00:06:08.700 yes, there are certain communities
00:06:09.760 that find those to be sexual too,
00:06:11.360 but they are not explicitly sexual body parts.
00:06:14.500 So that's why those areas should be more covered up
00:06:16.900 when we go in public
00:06:17.940 and the rest of it should be left for the bedroom.
00:06:20.220 Hey ladies, Editing Abby here. 1.00
00:06:22.440 As I was editing this, I wanted to add a couple of things.
00:06:25.260 Some body parts like the breasts, the midsection,
00:06:27.880 and butt area are baseline sexual
00:06:30.020 and obviously should be covered, 0.71
00:06:31.740 but there is a sliding scale
00:06:33.020 for how sexual each body part is
00:06:35.080 and there are great arguments
00:06:36.540 for why certain areas are sexually charged.
00:06:39.100 I grew up modern orthodox,
00:06:40.480 so I understand the idea
00:06:41.560 that shoulders and knees shouldn't be shown,
00:06:43.260 especially in a community
00:06:44.240 where those body parts are generally covered.
00:06:46.380 It's definitely a sliding scale,
00:06:48.020 but the baseline, boobs, butt, private area, 0.97
00:06:50.960 and midsection are so clearly sexual 0.97
00:06:53.160 that bringing them into public spaces is immodest
00:06:55.820 and I think we can all agree on that.
00:06:57.760 So while you can make an argument for doing more,
00:07:00.020 I just wanted to address the general thing here.
00:07:02.240 The next question is,
00:07:03.440 a good place to find modest swimwear.
00:07:05.900 The struggle is real.
00:07:07.760 I love this question
00:07:08.960 and I love the way it's phrased.
00:07:10.140 Yes, the struggle is real finding modest swimwear.
00:07:12.500 So I have three recommendations.
00:07:14.640 One is Amazon.
00:07:15.620 Amazon has some great one pieces
00:07:17.100 that I think are fantastic
00:07:18.480 and they have some one pieces
00:07:19.900 that are also rash guards.
00:07:21.500 I love those.
00:07:22.600 I've had one for a year and a half now
00:07:24.720 and I use it every summer now and I love it
00:07:27.320 and that's an easy place
00:07:28.360 to purchase a modest bathing suit.
00:07:30.460 Number two is a website called Fig Leaves.
00:07:32.600 I love that website,
00:07:33.920 especially if you're looking for a bathing suit
00:07:35.600 with actual cup sizes.
00:07:36.960 That'll just make your life a lot easier
00:07:38.620 because the cup size is built into the bathing suit
00:07:41.700 for a lot of their styles
00:07:42.820 and it can take a little bit of time
00:07:44.600 for those bathing suits to ship to America
00:07:46.700 because I believe they're based in the UK
00:07:48.140 but they have some really good options on that site.
00:07:51.680 And last but not least is Target.
00:07:53.100 I think that Target has some really nice one pieces
00:07:55.200 that are more on the modest side
00:07:57.120 and might be something that you're more comfortable with.
00:08:00.120 Next question is,
00:08:01.260 some advice on when you're criticized for your modesty.
00:08:04.180 So here's the thing.
00:08:05.440 People get criticized for pretty much anything
00:08:07.500 but when somebody comes at you for your modesty,
00:08:10.460 if it's something that's based in your faith,
00:08:12.860 you can easily brush them off
00:08:14.560 because you know why you're doing it
00:08:16.820 and why it's important.
00:08:18.160 And if it's not about your faith
00:08:19.220 and you wanna just put out a certain vibe to the world,
00:08:21.800 then you know why you're doing it
00:08:23.080 because your modesty matters to you
00:08:24.880 and you're trying to create a good first impression.
00:08:27.280 So if you know why you're being modest,
00:08:29.980 then when people criticize you,
00:08:31.020 you can just be like,
00:08:31.840 actually, let me explain why I'm modest.
00:08:33.780 It's not just because I like dressing this way,
00:08:36.000 it's because of this, this, and this.
00:08:37.460 And that just will make the whole thing feel
00:08:39.760 a little bit less upsetting to you
00:08:41.840 because you'll have a basis
00:08:43.580 for why you're doing what you're doing.
00:08:46.300 Alrighty, so we got one more question.
00:08:48.400 I mean, we've got a lot more questions,
00:08:50.140 but we've got one more question for this video,
00:08:52.900 which is,
00:08:53.740 what do you like to wear to church or temple
00:08:55.560 while also keeping your personal style?
00:08:57.800 I like this question
00:08:58.720 because I like the idea of tailoring your style
00:09:01.480 for different occasions.
00:09:02.940 So when I dress for synagogue,
00:09:04.340 I wear something that is a little bit more fancy,
00:09:07.280 a little bit more dressed up,
00:09:08.740 but that's still comfortable enough
00:09:10.560 so that I can play with kids
00:09:11.740 because there are usually a lot of kids at synagogue.
00:09:13.900 But the way that I tailor my fashion for synagogue
00:09:16.620 is that I always cover my shoulders,
00:09:18.700 usually my elbows,
00:09:19.880 but generally my shoulders when I'm at synagogue.
00:09:22.220 I'll always wear a skirt.
00:09:23.720 I'll always wear a skirt that covers my knees
00:09:25.840 and I'll always cover most of my chest.
00:09:28.120 So I really want to be a lot more on the modest side.
00:09:31.320 So what I'll do a lot of the time
00:09:32.820 is I'll wear a pretty sweater,
00:09:34.740 maybe a turtleneck if it's the winter or the fall,
00:09:37.280 and then a very nice knee-length skirt.
00:09:40.080 And then I'll usually wear a comfortable pair of shoes
00:09:42.220 because you have to walk,
00:09:43.500 you can't use a vehicle that's electric.
00:09:45.600 And so I'll usually be wearing a comfortable pair
00:09:47.460 of flats or boots or something like that.
00:09:50.380 And then in the summertime,
00:09:51.800 I'll usually wear maybe a button-down
00:09:53.600 with a pretty A-line skirt.
00:09:55.500 And that'll just be something that's very classic for me,
00:09:57.960 but that is much more on the modest side.
00:10:00.320 And I really enjoy dressing up for synagogue.
00:10:03.220 It's a nice way to express myself
00:10:05.440 within the boundaries of orthodox modesty.
00:10:07.540 And that's kind of fun.
00:10:08.580 It's finding ways to fit your fashion into the rules.
00:10:11.740 So that's it for now.
00:10:13.300 I have quite a few more questions.
00:10:15.480 So if you guys would like to see a part three and a part four,
00:10:18.560 or maybe I ask this question again on Instagram
00:10:21.160 and see if you guys have anything new you'd like to add,
00:10:23.960 let me know in the comments.
00:10:25.220 I'd love to hear.
00:10:26.480 Thank you guys so much for watching today's video.
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00:10:45.500 And I'll see you guys in my next video.
00:10:48.000 Bye.
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