Dale Partridge - Real Christianity #112： How to Break Free From Pornography

00:00:00.000 Welcome to this episode of Real Christianity. My name is Dale Partridge, where each week

00:00:13.140 I offer 15 to 20-minute answers to tough theological and pastoral questions. This is

00:00:19.100 a 100% listener-supported audio ministry of relearn.org. And for those who don't know,

00:00:25.720 our mission at relearn.org is to educate and equip ordinary Christians to plant biblical,

00:00:31.860 confessional, and missional house churches. For more information, just visit relearn.org

00:00:37.580 forward slash house. Okay, big question here. Do you look at pornography? If not, statistics say

00:00:45.560 that you absolutely know somebody who does. Recent studies have shown that somewhere between 95 and

00:00:51.840 98% of men have looked at porn at least once. Women aren't far behind at 70% to 80%. 0.54

00:00:58.400 60% to 70% of Christian men and 35% to 45% of Christian women say they look at porn

00:01:05.600 on a monthly basis. And about 10% to 25% of porn users would call themselves

00:01:11.140 addicted or long-term users. And the big question of the day is, do you? Are you a regular or

00:01:18.800 recurrent porn user? And what does the Bible have to say about this, and how can you find healing?

00:01:26.340 Well, we're going to be discussing this and more, but before we begin, I just want to make

00:01:30.480 one quick announcement. Because this episode is on pornography, I have to tell you about

00:01:36.380 our program that I developed at standinvictory.org. I developed it specifically for this reason,

00:01:44.820 And if you're struggling to break free from pornography, consider enrolling at standinvictory.org.

00:01:51.660 It's a short program.

00:01:53.000 It's just made up of three 15 to 20-minute lectures and three study guide PDFs.

00:01:59.320 The program is very affordable, and we've had nearly 1,000 men and women find healing from pornography through this simple gospel-centered online course.

00:02:12.200 And so you can enroll anytime at standinvictory.org.

00:02:16.860 We even offer it for free for those who can't truly afford it.

00:02:22.060 And so please don't abuse that.

00:02:23.820 We have to get those costs covered by somebody, another donor.

00:02:27.980 But if you can't afford it at all, we have a way for people to get that for free as well.

00:02:35.020 We are also noticing, as you guys may have heard, there's a huge spike on pornography use since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, which I think leads us to some pretty serious conclusions and also a dire need for a conversation.

00:02:53.000 And that's what we're doing today.

00:02:54.420 Today's question is from an anonymous gentleman in Wheaton, Illinois, and he asks,

00:02:59.640 Pastor Dale, I have been going to church for almost 10 years, but I must confess that I have

00:03:05.420 been looking at porn the entire time. I have what seems to be gaps of infrequency, but at the end of

00:03:12.560 the day, I keep returning to porn. I have read scripture, prayed over it, and even fasted once,

00:03:18.580 but nothing seems to work. I want to be free. Can you help me? Well, first, thank you for writing

00:03:25.560 this question. I expect actually that thousands of people, men and women, are going to be edified

00:03:32.520 by your willingness to make such a vulnerable question and for sending that into us. This is

00:03:38.000 such a large discussion that I'm going to try to be very careful on what I say and what I don't say.

00:03:43.860 We only have 15 to 20 minutes. We might go over just a tad here on this one. And I'll start by

00:03:49.040 reminding us about just an important truth. Anyone with a recurrent porn habit doesn't have a porn

00:03:56.520 problem. You have a bondage to sin problem. And there's only one way to be set free from the

00:04:02.380 bondage of sin, and that's through the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I'll probably be quite raw

00:04:09.680 on this topic, but only because the Bible is raw on this topic. So whenever a person who calls

00:04:17.540 themselves, a Christian, admits to an ongoing, habitual, patternistic, long-term, and bondage-like

00:04:26.760 experience with any sin. I believe these are valid pastoral grounds for questioning someone's

00:04:35.780 conversion. In other words, has this person truly been born again? Because my experience as a pastor

00:04:42.260 has taught me that just because somebody says that they're a Christian doesn't necessarily mean

00:04:46.480 that they're saved. I've personally known and heard of people who thought they were Christians

00:04:53.160 for many years. They end up having a born-again experience right there in the pew that they've

00:04:59.380 been sitting at for the past decade. And Jesus talks about this in Matthew 15, 8, when he says,

00:05:06.580 this people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. Titus 1, 15 through 16 says,

00:05:11.980 to the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and the unbelieving, nothing is pure,

00:05:15.680 but their minds and their consciences are defiled. They profess to know God,

00:05:20.300 but they deny him by their works. Pretty fascinating that these people would act this

00:05:28.360 way and profess to know God, but they deny them by their works. Then Jesus says in Matthew 7,

00:05:34.260 21 through 23, which we covered in last week's episode, go back there if you haven't listened to

00:05:38.420 it. He says, quote, Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven,

00:05:44.380 but he who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me that day, Lord, Lord, have we

00:05:48.740 not prophesied in your name, cast out demons in your name, and done many wonders in your name?

00:05:52.680 And then I will declare to them, I never knew you. Depart from me, you who practice lawlessness.

00:05:58.520 Now, I want you to remember this statement, you who practice lawlessness. We're going to talk

00:06:03.740 about that later in today's episode. Basically, what we need to swallow is the reality that many

00:06:09.580 people have come to church without coming to Christ, and they've confused religious moralism

00:06:16.360 for regeneration of the soul. And they have not been set free from the bondage of sin because

00:06:23.100 they were never really presented the gospel of Jesus Christ. Instead, they were presented a

00:06:29.080 man-made effort to convert them with an emotional moment where they prayed a prayer, and they were

00:06:35.280 told that they were saved by some minister who had bad doctrine. Now, I'm generalizing here,

00:06:40.340 but years later, these falsely assured people in the church begin to realize that they've been

00:06:48.260 made better by good behavior, by religious good behavior, but they've not been made new by the

00:06:55.000 power of the Holy Spirit. And they begin to notice that the sin in their life has a grip on their

00:07:02.140 heart. And they're actually just like the Pharisees, whitewashed tombs, right? Clean on the outside and

00:07:08.300 wretched on the inside. And I said the quote last week from Dr. Stephen Lawson, I'm going to put it

00:07:13.560 in this episode too. He says, the only thing worse than not having the assurance of salvation is

00:07:19.540 having the false assurance of salvation. In fact, I would say too often our pride won't let us see

00:07:26.060 our true spiritual status in these situations where we're falsely assured. It almost always

00:07:34.460 requires a preacher to boldly proclaim the gospel over and over and over, and in God's timing,

00:07:40.640 he opens up their eyes, and they finally let go of their dead testimony and truly

00:07:47.180 come to Christ in genuine repentance and saving faith. And if you haven't read my testimony,

00:07:52.040 again, that's at relearn.org forward slash testimony. And I speak with authority on this

00:07:56.960 because this was me. This was me. I was dead in the pew for many, many years.

00:08:03.760 Now, I'm not saying that if you look at porn that you're not saved. Thomas Watson said it best when

00:08:11.700 he wrote, while sin still remains in the born-again Christian, sin does not reign in the born-again 0.65

00:08:19.500 Christian. So Christians sin, but they're not slaves to sin. Christians fall, but they don't

00:08:25.340 lay in the mud, right? Christians fail, but they fail less and less as they are sanctified by 1.00

00:08:31.240 Christ. And we're never going to be perfect until we're glorified, but there is a improving or a

00:08:37.660 maturity that's occurring. And what I'm saying is that if you look at porn in a long-term,

00:08:44.540 habitual, addictive-like manner, you'd be wise to, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 13,

00:08:50.580 5, examine yourself to see if you're in the faith. And I can also confirm that we've had many people

00:08:59.160 who have testified personally in writing after going through our program at standinvictory.org

00:09:06.460 that they finally realized that they actually weren't born again. And that through that very

00:09:13.900 real self-examination process by God's grace, they found themselves still spiritually dead

00:09:18.720 and in bondage to sin when they thought that they just needed to work harder to not look at porn.

00:09:24.820 They just thought they just needed to work harder. And sometimes there is a discipline

00:09:30.180 of just being obedient. And that is part of that. But the deeper discussion, we're going to try to

00:09:37.300 have a bit of it today. And if you want to learn more, you can go to the program. But again, if

00:09:42.180 you're a regular porn viewer who's calling themselves a Christian, you may be a new 0.73

00:09:49.580 believer and you just need more information about what the Bible says about sexual immorality, 0.99

00:09:53.720 meaning that you may simply just be ignorant of God's will regarding pornography and sexual 0.93

00:09:59.120 immorality. And once you hear the truth in these matters, you're going to find freedom through

00:10:03.200 spirit-empowered obedience. But on the other hand, you might also find out that you're not actually

00:10:08.520 born again, and you're actually still in bondage to your sin, and you can't quit because you don't

00:10:14.260 have the Spirit of God assisting you through conviction and strength, and your religious

00:10:19.340 behavior modification has come to the end of its rope, and you actually need to come to Christ for

00:10:24.540 the first time to be set free. So you might be in one of these camps. You know, since we have a

00:10:30.880 limited amount of time here, I'm going to just walk us through just one text that I have found

00:10:36.900 to be very fruitful for dealing with people in the church who have long-term habitual porn

00:10:43.760 viewing, I guess, habits. It's 1 John 3, 4 through 10. And I'm going to read it here in the ESV. But

00:10:55.540 now I want you to remember, remember I said earlier to keep the verse in Matthew in mind

00:11:01.740 where Jesus said, I never knew you depart from me, you who practice lawlessness. I need you to see

00:11:08.420 how that verse in Matthew connects to the verse we're about to read here in 1 John. So

00:11:13.580 So in 1 John, the Apostle John writes, and I quote,

00:11:18.180 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness.

00:11:23.640 Sin is lawlessness.

00:11:24.940 You know that he appeared in order to take sin away.

00:11:28.780 And in him, there is no sin.

00:11:31.220 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning.

00:11:34.240 No one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him.

00:11:38.020 Little children, let no one deceive you.

00:11:39.840 Whoever practices righteousness is righteous as he is righteous.

00:11:44.800 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.

00:11:50.540 The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.

00:11:54.580 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him,

00:11:59.900 and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.

00:12:04.980 By this, it is evident who are the children of God and who are the children of the devil.

00:12:10.780 Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God.

00:12:14.980 Dot, dot, dot, end quote.

00:12:16.600 Okay, now I wish I could just deliver an entire 60-minute expository sermon on this passage of Scripture,

00:12:23.700 but I'm going to have to settle for a brief explanation and some application instead.

00:12:27.600 But again, in our online program, I dive into greater detail on this passage if you feel like

00:12:34.580 you need it. The first question we have to ask is, what does it mean to practice something,

00:12:43.520 to practice lawlessness, as the apostle says, and as Jesus is away from me, depart from me,

00:12:48.940 you who practice lawlessness? What does it mean to practice something?

00:12:52.980 Well, it means you're getting better at it.

00:12:56.200 And in relationship to porn, this may mean that you're learning what websites that you like or what kind of porn you prefer.

00:13:04.800 In other words, you're improving your experience.

00:13:07.500 This is a form of practice.

00:13:08.920 It might also mean that you're getting better at hiding it.

00:13:12.120 You know when to look at porn and how to hide your online trail.

00:13:16.520 Again, you're improving.

00:13:17.480 You're getting better at it.

00:13:18.420 It also means that you enjoy it and that's why you improve at it. Now you might say, no, Dale,

00:13:25.120 I actually hate it. I just can't stop. I would disagree with you. Dynamic sin, meaning committing

00:13:34.560 sin, not omitting, like not the sin of omission, but the sin of commission. Dynamic sin doesn't

00:13:42.700 happened to us. We choose it. Now, I know that you may hate the way it makes you feel after you

00:13:50.160 look at it or the way that it hurts your spouse because you look at porn, but you don't hate

00:13:58.180 porn. You actually love it. And again, I'm not talking about the one-time user who fails once

00:14:06.000 per year or less, confesses the sin, repents, and moves on. I'm not talking about you.

00:14:12.280 I'm talking about the habitual porn user who calls himself or herself a Christian. 0.89

00:14:17.820 And if this sounds like you, if you practice the sin of pornography in this manner, 0.71

00:14:24.540 this passage in 1 John should cover you in the fear of the Lord. Verse 6 says,

00:14:29.980 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning. No one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known

00:14:35.540 him. I think it's 17th or 18th century, I believe 18th century, theologian John Gill commented on

00:14:43.160 this verse saying, this does not mean that he has no sin in him or lives without sin, but that he

00:14:51.360 does not live in sin, nor does he give himself up to a vicious course of life, for this would be

00:14:58.700 inconsistent with his dwelling in Christ and enjoying communion with him. Nor has he ever

00:15:06.020 savingly known him or been truly acquainted with him, for though he may profess to know him in

00:15:12.300 words, he denies him in works. The next verse, I believe verse 7, says, Little children, let no one

00:15:20.260 deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous as he is righteous. Whoever makes a

00:15:26.300 practice of sinning is of the devil. This is basically teaching the idea good trees bear good

00:15:33.380 fruit and bad trees bear bad fruit. And if you're not bearing good fruit, Jesus in Matthew 7, 16

00:15:40.680 through 20 tells us of false Christians, he says, quote, so every healthy tree bears good fruit, 0.62

00:15:47.620 but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, 0.85

00:15:53.980 nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down

00:16:01.360 and thrown into the fire. Thus, you will recognize them by their fruits. Right? And this is a good

00:16:08.780 example. If you think about a tree, a tree that generally produces good fruit will still have a

00:16:12.240 apple on it. You know, you can sin, fail, and still have a bad fruit moment. But the idea is

00:16:17.420 if you're walking in habitual bad fruit, this is a different situation, right? Ultimately,

00:16:23.680 the text is teaching us that there are people who sin, and there are people who practice sin.

00:16:29.580 And Christians sin, but we don't practice sin. For those who practice sin, the apostle is saying

00:16:36.280 they are not sons and daughters of God. They are sons and daughters of the devil.

00:16:42.700 So what's the solution? We find it in verse 9. It says, quote,

00:16:47.900 quote, no one born of God makes a practice of sinning for God's seed abides in him and he

00:16:54.780 cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. And what I, what he means by that is he

00:17:00.420 cannot keep on sinning willfully, uh, habitually. It's too painful because he understands that he's,

00:17:08.440 he's spitting in the face of the savior when he does that, right? It's too painful to do it

00:17:15.800 habitually. We all fall. We all have these moments, but to do it habitually is a different

00:17:20.820 situation. The only path to freedom from the bondage of any category of sin is through the

00:17:27.900 spiritual process of being born again, and that's something that's a work fully of the Lord.

00:17:34.920 Because we're born in bondage to our sin by the cause of Adam, the only way for our hearts to be

00:17:42.280 redeemed and restored, is to be born again by the cause of Christ. This happens only by

00:17:50.720 humbly coming to the Lord, recognizing that without Christ, you are guilty against a holy God

00:17:56.440 and deserving of the eternal consequences. And this means that you really need to

00:18:04.140 cast yourself at the feet of Christ and trust in him alone, in his righteousness alone,

00:18:11.760 for him to earn the righteous verdict that you cannot earn on judgment day when you stand before

00:18:18.800 God. And this means also that you repent of your sin and you turn away from your sin and you turn

00:18:25.420 to Christ for strength and sanctification. You know, without Christ, you cannot conquer any sin,

00:18:32.180 None of it. And this means that the gospel is really the only path to true freedom from the

00:18:43.020 bondage of pornography. Now, I wish that I could spend more time breaking this down. And again,

00:18:49.040 that's why we created StandinVictory.org as a companion ministry to what we do. In order to

00:18:55.340 have healthy churches, you have to have healthy Christians. And we find that people in churches

00:19:01.500 have to deal with this issue of pornography or marriage. And that's why we've created some of

00:19:05.120 these companion ministries that support our church ministry. My prayer for anyone who feels right now

00:19:11.900 the weight of their sin at this moment, praise God. This is the Lord drawing you and making you aware

00:19:22.080 that you need to repent and come to the Lord, potentially for the first time.

00:19:29.320 and I would say, get before the Lord quietly in a room and beg him to save you. Just scream out,

00:19:38.220 save me. Jesus says in John 6, 37, all that the father gives me will come to me and whoever comes

00:19:43.800 to me, I will never cast out. If you come, he will not turn you away. What a wonderful promise that

00:19:51.060 is, I am praying for you through these words that you may come to know him in a born-again

00:19:59.280 experience and free, find yourself free from the bondage of pornography.

00:20:04.780 I am also going to leave you guys with a few resources that you could find on the post

00:20:09.660 page for this episode at relearn.org.

00:20:12.100 This is episode titled, How to Break Free from Pornography.

00:20:15.300 It's number 112, and two resources.

00:20:19.180 One is a video. It's titled, You're Not Addicted, The Power to Resist Pornography by John Piper.

00:20:25.540 It's a five-minute video. I actually break this down in detail in the program. So you can see it

00:20:32.820 there, but you can also see it outside of the program. Another video is How to Fight Addiction

00:20:37.440 in a Pornographic Culture by Votie Bauckham, another great resource. And we also provided a

00:20:44.080 link for Stand in Victory for you there as well. Thank you guys for listening to this episode. If

00:20:49.620 you're a regular listener to this podcast, we would appreciate if you could leave us a review.

00:20:53.240 You just need to tap the stars. But if you don't want to write anything, you don't have to. But

00:20:59.640 if you do write something, I will read it. And they are very encouraging to us. It's a blessing

00:21:05.180 to see you guys encourage and hear some of your stories. So thank you for those who have left a

00:21:10.420 review. And then the last thing I want to say is, if you don't follow our ministry on Instagram,

00:21:16.600 you can do that. Just search for relearn.org on Instagram, and you will find us there.

00:21:21.360 And we'd love to have you as we produce resources to plant healthy house churches.

00:21:26.920 On that note, my name is Dale Partridge, and I will see you guys next week.

00:21:33.240 Thank you for listening to this episode of Real Christianity. If you're a regular listener to

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00:21:57.360 relearn.org forward slash house lastly do you have a theological question you would like answered on

00:22:03.380 the show, submit your question at relearn.org forward slash question. Thanks for joining us

00:22:08.880 on this episode of Real Christianity. We'll see you next Wednesday.

Dale Partridge - September 23, 2020

Real Christianity #112： How to Break Free From Pornography

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