Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 18, 2019


#132 | I think I figured out fighting

Topics
fighting Jack Ryan graffiti lawfare and trials college value
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Jeff Jensen Band Hello Gavin Kevin Lori Loughlin Jack Ryan John McCain Donald Trump Jr. Ryan Katsu-Rivera Pepper Keenan Chris Rock James O'Keefe John Brennan Andy Richter Bill Maher BetDSI Sikh Terrence Crawford Johnny Rotten Neil Blender Jared Taylor and 58 more
#131 | And the best part of that is you get Dragon Rice #133 | My friend almost died this weekend on his motorcycle

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 13 minutes

Words per minute

175.29

Word count

12,963

Sentence count

1,419

Harmful content

Misogyny

49

sentences flagged

Toxicity

401

sentences flagged

Hate speech

72

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how to deal with getting hit in the face in the boxing ring, the dangers of riding a motorcycle in the rain, and how to get fired from your job for telling a terrible joke. We also talk about a new segment called "Why Did Uno Yawn?" in which we try to figure out what a yawn is and why it's so bad that it needs to be talked about on the podcast. We hope you enjoy this episode and stay tuned for more episodes in the future! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. The opinions and views expressed here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. This episode was produced and produced in any way by our employees, clients, or partners. If you have any objections, please reach out to us directly via the appropriate channels. Thank you for any amount you can manage, and we appreciate the support we've gotten so far this week. Sincerely, Matt, Gavin, Matt, and the rest of the crew. Matt and the team at the podcast team. - Thank you so much for all the love, support, support and support you've all of the hard work they've put into this podcast, and all the support they've given us throughout the past week. Thank you all the last few months. we've put out the last week, we've done so far and throughout the year. We're looking forward to the rest in the past month. We appreciate all the months, all the coming in the coming months and the months coming in in the next month, we'll see you back in the rest throughout the next few months, we hope you'll see us back in 2020. xoxo - Matt, Matt & the rest will see you in 2020! - - Adam, Gavin and the crew at the next week. - . Matt: Jack: Thank you, Matt: Thanks for listening to this episode of the last episode of this week's episode of The Good Morning Joe, and the next episode of Good Morning America. ( ) (and we'll be back next week! (Thank you for all your support. )

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I think I figured out fighting.
00:00:02.000 Now, that's clickbait.
00:00:03.000 I think I figured out boxing, but boxing is kind of esoteric.
00:00:06.000 Even people who like fighting watch MMA.
00:00:10.000 But... I was in the ring today.
00:00:12.000 I was getting punched in the face.
00:00:15.000 Not hard.
00:00:15.000 The guys that I was sparring with today are way out of my league, so it's like favors.
00:00:19.000 It's like teaching a little kid how to ride a bike.
00:00:21.000 Yeah, you're doing good.
00:00:23.000 You gotta breathe, little guy.
00:00:25.000 Um... But when you're on a motorcycle,
00:00:29.000 You can be totally safe and be sure that you're never going to die and everything's going to be smooth.
00:00:38.000 And even if that guy does something crazy, you're good.
00:00:43.000 If you do that, you're not going to go faster than 45 miles an hour.
00:00:47.000 You might get up to 50 sometimes on a very safe parkway.
00:00:52.000 But you're not going to go fast.
00:00:53.000 So in order to enjoy yourself on a motorcycle, you have to have an element of, if I die, I die.
00:01:00.000 That's how you get up to 75. 0.99
00:01:02.000 You accept that you might not make this and you, you, you're not stupid. 0.94
00:01:07.000 You don't drive drunk. 0.73
00:01:08.000 You make sure you got your helmet on and everything.
00:01:10.000 And you have the leather jacket, blah, blah, blah.
00:01:13.000 And you don't drive in the rain and you don't drive over gravel very fast, but you have to sort of, in order to really enjoy it, you have to sort of throw your hands up, not literally, and go, if I wipe out, I wipe out.
00:01:26.000 If some drunk driver comes out of nowhere and hits me, I'm going to die.
00:01:30.000 And that's the way you ride a motorcycle normally.
00:01:32.000 You can't do it perfectly safe.
00:01:34.000 Similarly,
00:01:36.000 When you get in the ring and you go, I'm not going to get punched once.
00:01:39.000 Anytime something comes at me, I'm going to block it.
00:01:41.000 If things get too intense, I'm going to call timeout.
00:01:45.000 You have to just go, I'm going to get clocked a good three times.
00:01:49.000 I'm not going to like them. 0.99
00:01:51.000 I'm going to go deaf in one ear when he hits me with that left hook. 0.99
00:01:56.000 And that's that. 0.99
00:01:59.000 Once you accept that, that you're going to get bonked,
00:02:02.000 And even just learn to ignore it which is that's the real art of boxing is being punched in the face and ignoring it.
00:02:09.000 Once you can get to that level and not worry about pugilistic dementia or getting knocked out or anything like that or getting broken ribs.
00:02:17.000 Once you get it then you're not gonna get killed obviously it's not a real fight.
00:02:22.000 With a stranger in a ring with like, ding, ding, ding, people cheering.
00:02:26.000 I assume that there's a similar philosophy though when you get to that level.
00:02:29.000 But when you're just sparring with guys, you accept that there's going to be some, some blows.
00:02:36.000 I think there was another trainer from another gym that a friend of mine went to where his motto was, be brave, you're going to get hit.
00:02:44.000 And that's a good life lesson.
00:02:47.000 You're going to get fired.
00:02:49.000 It happens to everyone.
00:02:51.000 And it's only a good reason half the time.
00:02:56.000 Half the time, you should have seen it coming, dude.
00:02:58.000 You were late three times.
00:03:00.000 You're on your phone at work.
00:03:02.000 You don't know anything about the company.
00:03:03.000 You leave at five on a Friday to the decimal place.
00:03:07.000 You tell the worst joke ever told.
00:03:08.000 Okay, for those at home, I just turned around and looked at Gavin and he's not happy.
00:03:20.000 Should I tell the joke?
00:03:22.000 Oh, you're saying that you were fired for telling a terrible joke today.
00:03:26.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:27.000 Um, you can tell it if you want to be killed. 0.99
00:03:30.000 If you want people to, like, you could confess on this show that you're a pedophile and the odds are someone might find you and beat the shit out of you, especially someone who was molested at some point. 1.00
00:03:41.000 I'd say the odds of you getting the shit kicked out of you for what you're about to say are higher. 0.99
00:03:45.000 Hmm. 1.00
00:03:46.000 But go nuts, I'd like you to get beat up. 0.98
00:03:48.000 Okay, well... Why did Uno yawn? 0.98
00:03:53.000 Am I supposed to say why?
00:03:58.000 Ask what you asked before, too, just to clarify.
00:04:00.000 Why did Uno yawn?
00:04:01.000 The card game?
00:04:02.000 Yes.
00:04:03.000 So we're making a card game, an inanimate object, we're anthropomorphizing it for the joke.
00:04:09.000 We're making it a person.
00:04:11.000 It's already kind of funny.
00:04:13.000 No, you can't just say that!
00:04:15.000 Why did the toast yawn?
00:04:17.000 Okay, whatever.
00:04:18.000 So we made it a person, got it.
00:04:19.000 So why did Uno yawn?
00:04:21.000 Why did a deck of cards yawn?
00:04:23.000 Why did Uno yawn?
00:04:24.000 Why?
00:04:24.000 Because... Cardboard.
00:04:28.000 I mean, am I missing something?
00:04:30.000 I get the pun on board, but what role does the word card play?
00:04:33.000 Because Uno is a card game.
00:04:36.000 But why did you- why say- because it- you should- you could have say- I don't know.
00:04:39.000 You should have said, but it was because it was cardboard.
00:04:44.000 And no one thinks of playing cards as cardboard.
00:04:47.000 When you say cardboard, we think of the corrugated paper.
00:04:50.000 I was literally just throwing away cardboard and I said... Well that was the box for the Uno. 0.99
00:04:58.000 Holy fuck. 0.99
00:05:00.000 Does everyone at home agree with me? 1.00
00:05:02.000 Can you feel the knife going right between his sort of solar plexus there?
00:05:07.000 Just below his ribs and just so you get maximum organs.
00:05:10.000 Otoya Yamaguchi right into the side with your katana. 0.99
00:05:14.000 Just twist it to twist the knife.
00:05:16.000 Maximum organs also playing at the mercury level.
00:05:21.000 Maximum organs.
00:05:24.000 You know, if I get really horny, I, uh, my stomach explodes and I have multiple organs. 0.58
00:05:30.000 Yeah. 0.60
00:05:31.000 That was pretty bad.
00:05:32.000 That was bad.
00:05:33.000 Yeah.
00:05:34.000 Um, the joke that when you told me about, uh, your friend that was hung like a bowl of spaghetti the other day,
00:05:41.000 Oh yeah, that was funny.
00:05:42.000 The reason I was like, why did I laugh that hard at it? 0.99
00:05:44.000 And it's because you were like, his dick was so big and I was thinking of just things that are big and dick shaped. 0.99
00:05:51.000 And then the next thing you say is bowl of spaghetti and I just picture boop, bowl of spaghetti. 1.00
00:05:56.000 Yeah.
00:05:56.000 Just popping up in my head.
00:05:57.000 That's the way it was.
00:05:58.000 It was long and skinny.
00:06:00.000 I'll tell everyone the story just to catch them up.
00:06:02.000 There was this dude, Mark Ryan in the scene and he was this hardcore dude, American hardcore, but
00:06:10.000 He was into hardcore and everything in the 80s and even the 90s, but he was fucking into punk rock in the 70s when he was like 3 years old.
00:06:18.000 He was going to CBGB.
00:06:19.000 He's younger than me, I think, and he used to go to CBGBs.
00:06:22.000 Back when it was hot.
00:06:25.000 Back in the early 80s.
00:06:26.000 He must have been 11, honestly. 0.98
00:06:29.000 He was a fucking cool dude. 0.96
00:06:32.000 He's still around. 0.98
00:06:32.000 He's not dead. 0.98
00:06:33.000 But, um...
00:06:35.000 He used to do graffiti. 0.99
00:06:37.000 He's like, why does everyone make up a fucking nickname for themselves? 0.99
00:06:41.000 I'm not ashamed of who I am. 0.99
00:06:42.000 And like the cops would ever put it together. 1.00
00:06:44.000 They're too fucking stupid. 1.00
00:06:46.000 So I'm going to make my graffiti tag Mark Ryan. 1.00
00:06:51.000 And it wasn't written in a kooky way.
00:06:53.000 It was just Mark Ryan.
00:06:55.000 Almost like a Basquiat lettering.
00:06:57.000 And he wrote his name.
00:06:58.000 He never got busted for it once.
00:07:00.000 One time, I almost went, remember I told you I went to jail for four hours?
00:07:04.000 Yeah.
00:07:05.000 I met him on the way to the fight.
00:07:07.000 So one of our employees, Sarah Bernia, got hand slapped. 1.00
00:07:11.000 She fired this fucking dunce who was a rich kid pot dealer with a top bun. 1.00
00:07:16.000 And this is back in the early 2000s when no one had top buns. 1.00
00:07:20.000 Now it's hard to get annoyed by them because they're everywhere.
00:07:22.000 It's like flip-flops.
00:07:24.000 It's like being a homophobe in the West Village.
00:07:26.000 You just, you get exhausted.
00:07:28.000 Um, and she fired him, and then he whacked, she's a little tiny Pilipina. 1.00
00:07:34.000 Uh, fuckin' probably five feet tall. 1.00
00:07:36.000 He whacked her, like as hard as a punch, but with an open-handed slap in the head. 0.99
00:07:40.000 She's crying, she calls us. 0.94
00:07:41.000 We go, no problem, we're on the way! 1.00
00:07:45.000 And so I jump in a taxi and I run down to kill him. 0.98
00:07:49.000 And, uh, as, what was it now? 0.97
00:07:54.000 Was it before?
00:07:54.000 Yeah.
00:07:55.000 As I'm getting in the taxi, I see Mark Ryan.
00:07:57.000 He goes, yo, where are you going? 0.99
00:07:59.000 I go, I gotta go beat up this fucking guy that just beat up Sarah. 0.99
00:08:02.000 And he goes, yo, I'm gonna come with you. 0.99
00:08:05.000 So he gets in the car and he, you know, he has that, it's, it's going to sound to a non New Yorker, like a black affectation. 0.71
00:08:12.000 Um, but it wasn't like that.
00:08:14.000 It would be if it was in the Midwest, but he, he might have even been racist for all I know.
00:08:18.000 Uh, but he wasn't trying to be black.
00:08:20.000 This is just, when you go up in Jersey and the East Village, you have that accent.
00:08:24.000 So he's in the car and he's like, yo, he's got his hands up.
00:08:28.000 Yo, this is a blessing in disguise. 0.95
00:08:30.000 Yo, I was so fucking mad this morning. 1.00
00:08:33.000 Everything in my life has turned to shit. 1.00
00:08:35.000 And then you fucking show up and now we're gonna fucking brawl. 1.00
00:08:39.000 And I start telling him the whole story in the cab on the way there. 0.99
00:08:42.000 And then he goes, oh, that dude who used to work at the Vice store with the top bun. 1.00
00:08:46.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:08:47.000 Yeah, I supply him weed. 1.00
00:08:50.000 I can't go with you because he's going to rat me out.
00:08:54.000 And I said, OK, bye.
00:08:55.000 So he got out of the car.
00:08:58.000 And we go there, he's gone home, we go to his house, and I headbutt him and he goes to jail because he runs from the other guy, Sarah's boyfriend, Shane, and when he comes out he gives the wrong day of the fight, and the only reason I had to spend time in jail is because they were checking my fingerprints, blah blah blah.
00:09:15.000 Anyway. 0.98
00:09:17.000 Mark Ryan also was this dude, I think he was getting involved in smack, and he was famous for having a big dick, and he said, I think I want to do porn. 0.99
00:09:30.000 So he moved to LA to do porn. 0.97
00:09:32.000 I think he did very, I think he did well for himself. 0.56
00:09:35.000 Huh. 0.99
00:09:35.000 Anyway, I always thought of myself as a guy with a big dick, but I come from a small town. 0.99
00:09:40.000 Big fish, small pond. 1.00
00:09:41.000 Big dick, small pond, yeah. 0.99
00:09:43.000 Well, that's kind of my joke. 1.00
00:09:44.000 You just exposed it a little more.
00:09:49.000 So we're walking down the street.
00:09:50.000 I would hang out with him quite a bit, actually. 1.00
00:09:52.000 And I go, I hear you got a big dick. 1.00
00:09:54.000 And he's with his girlfriend. 1.00
00:09:55.000 And she goes, you've no idea.
00:09:57.000 Jesus, I can't even walk.
00:09:58.000 I don't enjoy it.
00:09:59.000 She's standing next to him.
00:10:01.000 And I go, let's see what you got. 1.00
00:10:02.000 And I pull my dick out. 1.00
00:10:04.000 And it's 4% larger than an average penis. 1.00
00:10:07.000 Nothing to write home about. 0.99
00:10:10.000 He pulls his underwear out and I look down and I see a bowl of spaghetti. 1.00
00:10:16.000 There is no beginning, middle or end to his dick. 0.99
00:10:20.000 It's just, it looks like Indiana Jones's nightmares. 1.00
00:10:24.000 It's just a huge basket of snakes. 1.00
00:10:27.000 There's no, it's not like you went, oh, that's a pretty big dick. 1.00
00:10:29.000 I see it. 1.00
00:10:30.000 I couldn't see it. 0.99
00:10:31.000 It was like 37 long dicks. 0.98
00:10:37.000 Um, so yeah. 0.99
00:10:38.000 37 long dicks is playing at the Mercury Luncheon. 0.99
00:10:42.000 Night of the long dicks. 0.98
00:10:43.000 Right.
00:10:44.000 You know, it's like, um, so you're picturing things that are even remotely shaped like snakes, like you said, or stuff like that.
00:10:51.000 And then you just pop bowl of spaghetti in my head.
00:10:52.000 And I picture it was a white bowl spaghetti with a little bit of sauce on top and two little meatballs.
00:10:57.000 Yeah.
00:10:57.000 You know what?
00:10:58.000 Don't explain why things are funny.
00:10:59.000 Oh. 0.76
00:11:01.000 It's like sex.
00:11:02.000 You don't discuss it.
00:11:04.000 And folks at home, don't laugh at any time during intercourse.
00:11:08.000 That's not the place for it.
00:11:10.000 Even if there's a queef, I don't break for queefs. 1.00
00:11:13.000 Her pussy, and when I say her, I'm talking about my single days, not my wife. 1.00
00:11:17.000 I never talk about my sex life with my wife, or specifics anyway. 1.00
00:11:21.000 But yeah, back in the day, if I could hear like,
00:11:27.000 I wouldn't so much as flinch.
00:11:30.000 And she might even go, oh my, that's something else.
00:11:32.000 I would just... I'm an animal.
00:11:36.000 I'm like a juggernaut in the sack.
00:11:40.000 I got nothing to say.
00:11:41.000 I don't crack any jokes.
00:11:44.000 I don't even talk. 1.00
00:11:45.000 I used to try to say things, but it would come out like, I wanna cum on my tits. 0.99
00:11:50.000 Oh, sorry, wrong pronoun. 1.00
00:11:52.000 Your tits. 1.00
00:11:54.000 Pronouns are real tricky. 1.00
00:11:55.000 Oh yeah, I like that. 1.00
00:11:57.000 Yeah, I wanna lick my pussy. 1.00
00:12:00.000 Your pussy. 1.00
00:12:01.000 You can't do it. 1.00
00:12:03.000 It's too hard to speak.
00:12:06.000 Got a lot of stuff to talk about this podcast.
00:12:09.000 Lot of stuff!
00:12:10.000 Is that Chris Rock?
00:12:11.000 Yeah.
00:12:12.000 It's obviously not very good to ask who he is.
00:12:14.000 We got a lot of stuff to talk about today!
00:12:17.000 I love talking about stuff today!
00:12:23.000 There's not a white man in this room who would trade places with me and I'm rich!
00:12:28.000 Right. 0.99
00:12:29.000 Yeah, Chris, because trading places with another human is fucking weird. 0.99
00:12:36.000 Uh, we don't know, we don't know if you die when we become you. 0.97
00:12:40.000 Do we retain any of our memories?
00:12:43.000 What happens at, um... What happens at, uh, Thanksgiving?
00:12:49.000 Do we go see my parents or your parents?
00:12:51.000 I have nothing to say to your parents, Chris Rock.
00:12:53.000 And they wouldn't recognize you.
00:12:54.000 They'd be like, who are you?
00:12:55.000 You'd be like, it's me! 1.00
00:12:57.000 Yeah, and plus I'd be in Chris Rock's head, so you'd see Chris Rock and everything, and then they'd expect a lot of racist shit! 0.99
00:13:04.000 And I would just be going, hi, how are you? 0.99
00:13:06.000 You must be my new parents.
00:13:09.000 Or do you talk like them?
00:13:11.000 Or do I involuntarily talk like them?
00:13:13.000 Yeah.
00:13:13.000 Do I maybe open my mouth to say, hey, could you pass the cheese?
00:13:15.000 And I go, someone pass the cheese. 0.99
00:13:20.000 I need some cheese in this motherfucker right here. 1.00
00:13:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:13:23.000 Oh my God. 1.00
00:13:24.000 That's so much better than mine.
00:13:26.000 That's what I said when Mark Ryan showed me his bowl of spaghetti.
00:13:33.000 When the moon hits... Oh wait, that's a big pizza pie.
00:13:37.000 I quit. 0.99
00:13:39.000 Folks at home, Ryan Katsuravera tried amphetamines today to try to get a bunch of work done, and it's made him slower and dumber. 0.92
00:13:47.000 Which I think means you're supposed to take it.
00:13:49.000 I pounded it down with Corona too, so I think I'm just off.
00:13:52.000 He pounded it down!
00:13:55.000 I pounded it down.
00:13:57.000 I'll stop.
00:13:58.000 But I think I do.
00:13:59.000 The best Scottish I could do is just a dad impression.
00:14:02.000 Your dad impression.
00:14:04.000 That's serious.
00:14:05.000 That's not really Scottish.
00:14:06.000 That's a Scotsman trying to sound un-Scottish.
00:14:09.000 How are you, my boy?
00:14:11.000 I have your waterbed and you plop down on top of the waterbed.
00:14:17.000 It's deeper and a little more dubious.
00:14:23.000 That sounds like he cares how you feel.
00:14:25.000 He's more like, do your worst.
00:14:28.000 Like when I said, he told me, when I told him my daughter, my wife was pregnant with my first kid, my daughter, uh, that's a big announcement.
00:14:35.000 Grandparents are supposed to care. 1.00
00:14:36.000 And he just stares at me like he didn't get my joke.
00:14:39.000 And I go, so I'm having a kid.
00:14:42.000 And he goes, been there, done that.
00:14:45.000 No. 1.00
00:14:46.000 Also in a fuck you way. 0.99
00:14:48.000 Not even like, been there, done that. 0.99
00:14:49.000 I kinda get excited. 0.99
00:14:50.000 It was just, he looked at me like, hey bitch, been there, done that. 0.97
00:14:56.000 And I said to him at the time, this is like 10 years ago now. 0.98
00:15:00.000 I was also going through a boxing thing back then.
00:15:02.000 It was a long lull between then and now.
00:15:05.000 And I said, Dad, I've been boxing every day. 0.99
00:15:07.000 I could fucking knock you out. 1.00
00:15:09.000 I would punch you. 1.00
00:15:11.000 You would go flying backwards on that chair and you'd just be lying there with your arms in the T-Rex position, completely unconscious for about five to ten minutes. 0.97
00:15:20.000 And he just, and he had his head down like he was falling asleep at that point.
00:15:24.000 And then he just sort of pulls his head up with his eyes half closed like Jim Brewer.
00:15:28.000 Yeah.
00:15:29.000 And he goes, do your worst. 0.52
00:15:33.000 And I was so close to just punching his, like his nose has been broken 8 billion times.
00:15:37.000 He looks like KRS-One. 0.75
00:15:40.000 And I thought, I could do that.
00:15:42.000 And ruin our relationship forever?
00:15:44.000 Or, uh... I could just not let him win.
00:15:49.000 Because he would appreciate it.
00:15:51.000 He likes that.
00:15:52.000 He likes pushing people's buttons.
00:15:53.000 And if you're 72 and you've been pushing people's buttons your whole life, then simply making them mad or making them cry, that doesn't... Oh my god, I just remember he made his friend cry.
00:16:03.000 His friend's mother had died or something at a very late age, right?
00:16:07.000 Because my dad's old.
00:16:08.000 Maybe she was like 92.
00:16:09.000 And my dad's sitting there at the pub and he's like, that's terrible.
00:16:14.000 Kevin, how did that make you feel?
00:16:16.000 He was pretty bad, Jim.
00:16:18.000 Pretty bad, eh?
00:16:20.000 I mean, I'm having trouble.
00:16:21.000 I know I'm an old man.
00:16:22.000 I'm 58 years old, but it really cuts to the quick.
00:16:26.000 And he goes, I mean, the realization that you'll never see her again and all the wonderful things she did.
00:16:33.000 He sounds sympathetic.
00:16:34.000 He was pushing it and pushing it till he could make her, make him cry.
00:16:37.000 And then eventually the guy just went, my dad just was like, yeah, I did that.
00:16:43.000 Wow.
00:16:44.000 Success.
00:16:45.000 I made him cry.
00:16:46.000 That's no bad.
00:16:47.000 That's quite a talent I got, by the way. 0.99
00:16:49.000 Just making a man fucking cry his bloody eyes out and all. 0.99
00:16:53.000 Imagine he shames him afterwards. 1.00
00:16:54.000 You pathetic crier. 1.00
00:16:56.000 Look at you, you poof. 1.00
00:16:57.000 She was 92 years old, for fuck's sakes, man. 1.00
00:17:00.000 Throws money on the bar and leaves. 1.00
00:17:02.000 You make me sick. 0.98
00:17:04.000 I'm going to go put on a turban and grow my beard long and carry a dagger. 0.99
00:17:10.000 Get it?
00:17:12.000 Uh, no.
00:17:13.000 Okay, why were you laughing?
00:17:14.000 Because the way you sound is funny.
00:17:17.000 Sikh.
00:17:17.000 S-I-K-H.
00:17:19.000 They wear turbans and they carry daggers.
00:17:19.000 Ah, yes.
00:17:21.000 Right.
00:17:22.000 Daggers, yes. 1.00
00:17:23.000 Actually, you can use that, folks at home. 0.99
00:17:24.000 If someone is saying something, like, that sounds pathetic, you should just say to them, you make me Sikh. 0.92
00:17:30.000 No, no, sorry, sorry. 0.99
00:17:31.000 You say to them, I'm gonna go put on a turban and grow my beard really long and carry a dagger, because you make me Sikh. 1.00
00:17:39.000 I like it.
00:17:40.000 Yeah, I'm gonna start using it.
00:17:41.000 But before we get started!
00:17:42.000 Oh, sorry.
00:17:43.000 With all this news, we have a new sponsor for the show!
00:17:46.000 Which is actually an old sponsor.
00:17:48.000 It's the old BetTSI!
00:17:50.000 Remember BetTSI?
00:17:51.000 Yes, yes I do.
00:17:53.000 They are now a sponsor of our show.
00:17:57.000 But for how long?
00:17:58.000 That's my Captain Kirk!
00:18:01.000 Um, we just started this, so I haven't really dug my heels in yet.
00:18:05.000 What I want to do is set up an account with BetDSI myself and start betting on the Mets.
00:18:10.000 I had a funny idea that I'm too late for, but what would happen if you bet $100 on every Mets game?
00:18:14.000 So this is part of the BetDSI ad.
00:18:16.000 It's B-E-T-D-S-I dot com. 0.99
00:18:21.000 I think we have our own Gav page.
00:18:24.000 Let me just see if you go, what happens if you go forward slash Gavin?
00:18:29.000 It's not going to work.
00:18:33.000 All right, let's get to, is it?
00:18:35.000 No.
00:18:36.000 Oh, yes it is.
00:18:37.000 Yes.
00:18:38.000 Go betdsi slash Gavin.
00:18:40.000 So betdsi.com slash Gavin will take you to the Gav page where you can see me wearing my vintage north-faced vest, my Mets hat, and a lovely old, no, actually a new flannel I got from Woolrich. 0.97
00:18:55.000 God, what a gay way to describe yourself. 1.00
00:18:59.000 Yeah, so I want to try betting on every single game with the Mets just to see what happens. 0.98
00:19:04.000 Because obviously you can lose $16,000 if they lose every single game.
00:19:08.000 But that would never happen in a million years.
00:19:10.000 And obviously the Mets, they're not the best team in the world, so you're probably going to see more losses than wins.
00:19:14.000 But when there's wins, the odds are probably going to be against them because of their reputation.
00:19:19.000 So there'll be big wins.
00:19:21.000 So I think
00:19:23.000 I could make $1,400.
00:19:26.000 I could lose $600.
00:19:27.000 I think that's the... And this is totally off the dome.
00:19:30.000 Now, my grandfather was a bookie.
00:19:32.000 Johnny McGinnis. 1.00
00:19:34.000 And nobody would trust a fucking Irishman. 1.00
00:19:37.000 So he changed his name to Johnny McKinnis. 1.00
00:19:39.000 Because in Scotland, the Irish are no popular, especially in Glasgow. 1.00
00:19:42.000 Even though he was Irish, by the way! 1.00
00:19:44.000 I'm fucking Irish. 0.99
00:19:45.000 McKinnis is no my name. 0.99
00:19:47.000 When people say McGinnis, I get pissed off, but they're actually pronouncing it correctly! 1.00
00:19:53.000 Guess why he stopped being a bookie?
00:19:55.000 Why?
00:19:56.000 Because he couldn't make any money.
00:19:58.000 Guess why?
00:19:59.000 He spent it all on booze?
00:20:02.000 That was his children who did that.
00:20:02.000 No, he was actually pretty good.
00:20:04.000 His sons.
00:20:05.000 Oh.
00:20:06.000 He wouldn't take money from women. 0.98
00:20:09.000 And the other bookies would.
00:20:10.000 Because the other bookies had no scruples.
00:20:12.000 But if a woman had money back then, we're talking about the 0.99
00:20:15.000 30s?
00:20:16.000 Then something's not right.
00:20:18.000 Because a woman got her allowance from a man. 1.00
00:20:21.000 That's sexist. 1.00
00:20:22.000 Yeah, fuck off. 1.00
00:20:23.000 You have to... people have their Nazi glasses. 1.00
00:20:23.000 It's 1930. 1.00
00:20:27.000 Their Nazi glasses.
00:20:28.000 And they put them on and they can't see the past correctly.
00:20:31.000 What he did was noble.
00:20:31.000 Different time.
00:20:33.000 Although kicking the shit out of his... my dad's brothers wasn't quite so noble. 0.99
00:20:38.000 There, Johnny. 0.99
00:20:39.000 My son's not named after you, I'm afraid.
00:20:42.000 So betdsi.com forward slash Gavin and you can use your sports knowledge to make some extra cash this week at betdsi offers online wagering that's been paying winners for 20 years.
00:20:55.000 Use this link and the link that I, this link is the betdsi.com or better yet betdsi.com slash Gavin.
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00:21:29.000 That's betting on fighting, NBA, March Madness, NFL, NHL, NCAA football, and all other major sports.
00:21:35.000 Politics, reality TV, eSports, virtually everything.
00:21:38.000 I'm going to bet on my fight this Saturday.
00:21:40.000 Terrence Crawford in Madison Square Garden's MSG, yo.
00:21:45.000 The coolest fighter in boxing today.
00:21:47.000 Switches stances, jumps to southpaw.
00:21:50.000 You want to hear some of his awesome bragging?
00:21:52.000 Yeah.
00:21:53.000 I'm just going to get in there and fight as hard as I can.
00:21:55.000 Maybe go home.
00:21:57.000 He's the Neil Blender of boxing.
00:21:59.000 Neil Blender was a skateboarder in my day, who I think invented the beanie.
00:22:04.000 The idea of wearing a beanie, which I'm not a fan of, but it was cool when he did it back then because no one did.
00:22:09.000 And he would go to these skateboard demonstrations, skateboard competitions, and he would just get on the half pipe, push twice, go up maybe a foot, come back, pick up his board and leave. 0.99
00:22:22.000 Obviously he would lose the competition and he was a pro, but he just did that as a fuck you, whatever. 0.99
00:22:27.000 He was a fucking weird dude, Neil Blender. 0.99
00:22:30.000 And that's who Terrence Crawford is. 0.99
00:22:32.000 BetTSI has a very user-friendly interface and mobile site, and they have the fastest payouts in the industry.
00:22:39.000 Simply play, win, and get paid!
00:22:43.000 That's code Gavin.
00:22:45.000 Got it?
00:22:46.000 Got it.
00:22:47.000 All right, let's get down to the news before we get down to letters.
00:22:51.000 In the news today, we got the Mueller Report.
00:22:54.000 People with no experience in lawfare,
00:22:59.000 Are confused that things are redacted? 0.99
00:23:01.000 100% of document legal documents released to the public are redacted you fools. 0.98
00:23:07.000 We have witnesses we have to protect. 0.97
00:23:09.000 We have ongoing trials like with Roger Stone where you have to cover up the details.
00:23:15.000 That's how it works.
00:23:17.000 There's a reason that they wait 70 years to show you things 100%.
00:23:21.000 Because things are ongoing.
00:23:23.000 Actually, I don't approve of 70 years.
00:23:25.000 They should wait until all the witnesses are safe and all the trials are done.
00:23:31.000 By the way, speaking of trials, James O'Keefe, God bless his cotton socks, he deeply regrets settling early in his career.
00:23:38.000 And sometimes you settle, like the Proud Boys who took a plea.
00:23:42.000 It was like, you can keep paying 40 grand,
00:23:44.000 Or you can have five days community service.
00:23:46.000 What do you do?
00:23:47.000 You take the community service.
00:23:49.000 But not the main guys.
00:23:51.000 The main three or four dudes who are accused of hate crime violence for defending themselves against Antifa on the night of October 12th after I did my Atoya Yamaguchi talk.
00:24:00.000 They are refusing any settlement.
00:24:02.000 They wouldn't settle for an hour of community service.
00:24:05.000 They want to go to court.
00:24:07.000 And they're going deep into debt to do it.
00:24:09.000 And they're going to be found completely innocent.
00:24:12.000 And I hope that they sue the city after this.
00:24:14.000 Which you can't do if you take any kind of plea.
00:24:17.000 Anyway, James O'Keefe isn't taking a plea.
00:24:18.000 You might remember a long time ago, he exposed these teachers at a teachers conference.
00:24:23.000 And they were bragging about how they can't get fired.
00:24:25.000 They could say the n-word if they wanted to. 1.00
00:24:28.000 They said you'd have to say the n-word and fuck a student. 1.00
00:24:32.000 I'm paraphrasing, but it was that kind of talk. 1.00
00:24:34.000 So that teacher sued him.
00:24:36.000 Kind of weird how a teacher would have a good half a million dollars for a four-year trial.
00:24:45.000 Kind of smells of someone else paying the bills, does it not?
00:24:49.000 You'll notice if you criticize
00:24:51.000 Big money DNC or big money globalists, even Soros, you'll find that you get wrangled up in a lot of weird lawsuits where people who make 60 grand a year are tormenting you for many years.
00:25:04.000 Anyway, James refused to settle.
00:25:07.000 He said, no, I didn't take you out of context.
00:25:09.000 The whole thing is there.
00:25:10.000 You said it's impossible to be fired as a teacher.
00:25:13.000 You listed examples and we exposed you.
00:25:16.000 Get off my lawn needs to be much closer together at the final shot.
00:25:21.000 The space between get and off should be the same as the two lines.
00:25:24.000 Tracking and kerning, Ryan!
00:25:26.000 Tracking and kerning!
00:25:29.000 Always be formatting.
00:25:31.000 A, always, B, B, F, formatting.
00:25:36.000 ABC, it's an acronym for the alphabet.
00:25:39.000 A stands for A.
00:25:42.000 B stands for B. C stands for C. It's an acronym where every letter is the word and it still tells you that you mean the alphabet.
00:25:51.000 Yes.
00:25:52.000 No, that's a very Dimitri Martin bit I just came up with.
00:25:55.000 Right.
00:25:55.000 Spelling the alphabet?
00:25:57.000 No, that I'm right.
00:25:58.000 ABC is an acronym.
00:26:01.000 And the letters do mean the word.
00:26:03.000 And it does mean alphabet.
00:26:04.000 Oh, I see.
00:26:05.000 You gotta know your ABCs.
00:26:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see ya.
00:26:07.000 I ABC ya.
00:26:09.000 Hey! 0.99
00:26:10.000 Wow.
00:26:12.000 Oh.
00:26:12.000 Fun vaudeville show today.
00:26:14.000 I hope Bet DSI enjoys their own first vaudevillian show.
00:26:18.000 Um, so yeah, the Mueller report is out.
00:26:21.000 I don't see anything.
00:26:22.000 Vice News is just reading it live.
00:26:25.000 People are, the trouble with low-T millennials is they're lazy too. 0.96
00:26:29.000 So it's been out for hours.
00:26:30.000 No one seems to have read it yet.
00:26:33.000 And they have all these petty little complaints.
00:26:36.000 Look, folks, you didn't win.
00:26:38.000 You lost.
00:26:39.000 And then you changed your loss to, no, I did win.
00:26:42.000 Now I want to hear the report.
00:26:44.000 Look, this is some bearded.
00:26:49.000 Boring!
00:26:49.000 True that.
00:26:49.000 Who would listen to that and not read it?
00:26:51.000 I guess illiterate people?
00:26:52.000 Why would illiterate people care about the report?
00:27:08.000 So they're saying the report is out.
00:27:10.000 Vox.
00:27:11.000 Vox already has their two cents.
00:27:13.000 They've written a thing.
00:27:14.000 The expected redactions in the Mueller report.
00:27:17.000 Grand jury material, sensitive intelligence, blah, blah, blah.
00:27:19.000 Okay, that sounds pretty reasonable. 1.00
00:27:22.000 Um, yeah, the smoking guns in this are pathetic. 1.00
00:27:25.000 It's all like President Trump saying that this investigation is bullshit. 1.00
00:27:29.000 This is going to ruin my presidency. 1.00
00:27:31.000 I'm fucked. 1.00
00:27:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:27:34.000 That's true.
00:27:35.000 Oh look, we've got Daniel Dale.
00:27:37.000 He's the Washington correspondent for the Toronto Star.
00:27:40.000 You gotta see his face.
00:27:41.000 It is beyond low-key. 0.97
00:27:42.000 It's sub-gay. 1.00
00:27:44.000 He looks like a beautiful pussy. 1.00
00:27:47.000 You know, like you take a few girls home and they're just fucking meat racks, they look like a bulldog ate a jar of mayonnaise when you're done fucking them? 1.00
00:27:54.000 This guy looks like a beautiful pussy. 1.00
00:27:57.000 Like one of those vaginas where you go, I don't even wanna fuck this, it's too nice. 1.00
00:28:00.000 It's just a razor slit. 1.00
00:28:04.000 It's just an Asian person sleeping sideways. 0.99
00:28:11.000 Daniel Dale.
00:28:12.000 He's got all kinds of stuff.
00:28:14.000 Notably, Trump's most frequent talking point about the new NAFTA.
00:28:17.000 NAFTA, NAFTA.
00:28:20.000 What's this guy got to say?
00:28:21.000 A lot of retweets.
00:28:23.000 Mueller went into detail about his reasoning for not laying charges over the Trump Tower meeting.
00:28:27.000 He considered them under a law that prohibits foreign campaign contributions and forbids Americans to solicit, accept, or receive from them any money or thing of value.
00:28:37.000 This is, by the way, Eric Trump, or Donald Trump Jr., whatever, going to see someone who said they have incredible gossip on Hillary.
00:28:46.000 You're not supposed to do that.
00:28:47.000 Meanwhile, Obama was spying on Trump Tower.
00:28:52.000 But Trump's son, hearing a rumor that there's this insane smoking gun, is in trouble for going to hear what she had to say. 1.00
00:28:59.000 Fuck you, you fucking liars. 1.00
00:29:02.000 This is my new pet peeve. 1.00
00:29:04.000 So many fucking liars. 1.00
00:29:06.000 You don't care about the report. 1.00
00:29:08.000 You don't think Russia colluded.
00:29:09.000 You don't really think Trump is a bigot or a Nazi.
00:29:13.000 You don't really want open borders.
00:29:15.000 You just want to win.
00:29:16.000 And right now you're losing, so you're getting petty.
00:29:19.000 Like when they said the Proud Boys are a hate group, as defined by the Southern Poverty Law Center, they don't really believe that they're a hate group, they just love that this group said they were.
00:29:31.000 And another big lie is this Lori Loughlin thing.
00:29:34.000 I'm not a fan of Lori Loughlin.
00:29:35.000 She's unbelievably hot for someone older than me.
00:29:39.000 And I'm sure Full House was a fun show.
00:29:43.000 But what's going on here has nothing to do with the credibility of Caltech and their admissions. 0.98
00:29:49.000 Since when have you given a shit about college admissions and the rowing team? 0.99
00:29:53.000 They lied and said she was a good rower and she got a spot on the rowing team that could have gone to some poor black girl with AIDS. 1.00
00:30:01.000 You're fucking so full of shit. 1.00
00:30:04.000 You're jealous that Lori Loughlin is beautiful, successful, and rich. 1.00
00:30:09.000 Now, I don't want to hang out with her.
00:30:11.000 So it's weird I'm defending her.
00:30:12.000 I'm sure she hates Trump. 1.00
00:30:14.000 I'm sure she's a fucking bore. 1.00
00:30:15.000 I'm sure she's super petty. 1.00
00:30:17.000 I'm sure she's one of like all cunty rich housewives. 1.00
00:30:19.000 Oh, not all, but like a lot of cunty rich housewives. 1.00
00:30:22.000 I'm sure she's all about status and has no substance, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1.00
00:30:25.000 Who cares?
00:30:26.000 I'm never going to meet her.
00:30:27.000 She's never coming to my birthday party.
00:30:29.000 I don't care about her personality.
00:30:30.000 I don't care what she's like.
00:30:31.000 I don't care about her at all.
00:30:33.000 But now her and her husband are facing 40 years.
00:30:37.000 They're facing 40 years because the public is mad at them.
00:30:40.000 It's the same as Rodney King.
00:30:42.000 Yes, he got beat by cops.
00:30:43.000 That was after a massive chase. 0.99
00:30:46.000 And our justice system is contingent on what the mood is of a bunch of uninformed cunts. 0.95
00:30:53.000 It's like the NYC 9. 0.90
00:30:54.000 There was no charges there because there was no victim.
00:30:57.000 And then de Blasio and everyone got mad, and all the ladies at the DNC started clutching their pearls, and then it was two years in prison, six years probation.
00:31:09.000 No.
00:31:09.000 We're not doing that.
00:31:12.000 So I just wish you'd be honest about it.
00:31:14.000 You don't really, like, Lori Loughlin's crime, what's the crime? 0.98
00:31:19.000 I don't give a shit about colleges, they're over! 0.98
00:31:21.000 They have, there's a class called How to Be Gay. 0.99
00:31:24.000 No.
00:31:25.000 Yes.
00:31:27.000 And now we're talking about the merit of college and how important it is.
00:31:31.000 It's not a driver's license.
00:31:32.000 You can't hurt anyone if you give the degree out to anyone who deserves it.
00:31:37.000 All you're doing is diluting the value of the degree. 0.97
00:31:41.000 Now, I think alumni could sue the school and say, wait a minute, I busted my ass to get straight A's. 0.91
00:31:48.000 I missed a million parties and I got my Caltech degree. 0.92
00:31:51.000 I don't even know if I have the right school, by the way, but who cares?
00:31:54.000 You are now giving this away to the rich.
00:31:57.000 You're diluting the value of my degree.
00:31:59.000 That's a valid beef. 0.97
00:32:01.000 So there's definitely a civil suit potential, but what the fuck is the crime? 0.83
00:32:07.000 If I had a club called the Gavin McInnes Fan Club, and you had to do a bunch of things to get badges. 0.94
00:32:12.000 There was a sewing badge, there was a helping an old lady across the street badge, there was a knockout punch badge, and then it turned out that I was selling these badges for 2,000 bucks.
00:32:22.000 I haven't committed a crime.
00:32:26.000 My club's not a legal entity.
00:32:28.000 All I've done is dilute the value of the club and now the other guys with those badges are less valuable.
00:32:33.000 Their badges are less valuable.
00:32:35.000 Universities, especially now, when they've already destroyed their brand. 1.00
00:32:42.000 So the fact that this is on the front page every day is stupid and also gay. 1.00
00:32:46.000 What do you think of that, Ryan? 1.00
00:32:49.000 Hmm.
00:32:49.000 Tough words on a tough subject.
00:32:55.000 It's called playing hard balls.
00:32:58.000 Well, I imagine I took it away from there like I have a segment.
00:33:01.000 Well, Gavin, I'm glad you asked me.
00:33:03.000 That brings us to topic number two.
00:33:06.000 This country as we know.
00:33:07.000 I had a bunch of stuff written down, but I don't I don't want to do that anymore.
00:33:13.000 I want to just riff.
00:33:13.000 But two things we have to catch up on.
00:33:19.000 One is, I said to you yesterday, I'm international Kevin.
00:33:24.000 Yeah. 0.93
00:33:26.000 And you said what the fuck's that from I said, I'll tell you on the podcast cuz it's a long story, right? 0.99
00:33:31.000 So when we sold vice to an eccentric billionaire, we've sold him I think it was 25% for a million bucks and we were broke before that. 0.99
00:33:39.000 So all of a sudden we had like 300 grand So we spent it on a house in Costa Rica Me and Shane did we emptied it because we knew we would just blow it on drugs and party it away So we didn't trust ourselves and we bought a house and
00:33:55.000 And it was because we used to go to this place called Montefuma, Coca Rica every year, just get wasted.
00:34:01.000 It's like a little surf town.
00:34:03.000 Trouble with it is there's no chicks because it takes about a day and a half to get to if you don't have, if you can't afford to take a private plane or a little, what's it called?
00:34:11.000 A little Sansa jet.
00:34:12.000 And we couldn't afford it when we first started going there.
00:34:14.000 So you get a bus and a ferry and blah, blah, blah.
00:34:16.000 And eventually you end up there and no chicks want to go there. 1.00
00:34:20.000 So it's just you and a bunch of surf hunks.
00:34:23.000 Which sucked so we started importing chicks with us like come with us for her because back in the early days of Vice you got all of July off and all of August off because there was I mean sorry all of August off and all of December off because there was no ads being bought. 0.98
00:34:39.000 So we would just hang out there and get fucking so wasted. 0.97
00:34:43.000 Like it was real dedication to getting wasted. 0.99
00:34:45.000 Sure, you'd be late if you brought a chick, but it was about really destroying yourself. 0.98
00:34:50.000 And they sell a lot of cocaine there to the locals.
00:34:53.000 I don't advocate cocaine use.
00:34:54.000 Kids, especially my kids, if you're listening, do as I say, not as I do.
00:34:58.000 I've made some mistakes in the past I'm not proud of.
00:35:01.000 But they give you this coke and it was one year, by the way, it was pure coke.
00:35:05.000 That's a whole other story.
00:35:06.000 I've told many times where
00:35:08.000 This guy, they were running from the Coast Guard and they had, running, boating, they had kilos and kilos of cocaine, right?
00:35:20.000 And they were throwing them overboard as they were getting chased.
00:35:23.000 So just like flushing it down the toilet, the DA has to either pull over and get them or keep chasing them and know there's gonna be no coke when you get there. 0.99
00:35:30.000 Anyway, Costa Rica's full of dummies. 1.00
00:35:32.000 Ticos have invented nothing, even their cuisine. 1.00
00:35:36.000 You know what Costa Rican food is?
00:35:38.000 Turtle shells?
00:35:39.000 Nothing doesn't exist.
00:35:41.000 Just beans, rice and fish.
00:35:42.000 That's it.
00:35:43.000 If you go to a Costa Rican restaurant, they're lying.
00:35:46.000 Canadian food has more things that are Canadian, like poutine and beaver tails and maple syrup.
00:35:53.000 Canadian food is more exotic than Costa Rican food.
00:35:57.000 They got nothing going on over there. 0.99
00:35:58.000 And you know all this shit about plastic in the ocean? 0.99
00:36:01.000 That's Costa Rica. 1.00
00:36:02.000 They take, and other places like it, like we sit here recycling our shit like crazy. 1.00
00:36:07.000 Meanwhile, China and all of the Caribbean, Central America, South America, they drive their garbage out on a big barge. 1.00
00:36:24.000 Get out to the middle of the ocean, which is not far, right, in the Caribbean, and then drop it and then go back. 0.95
00:36:31.000 Because they think all garbage is bricks.
00:36:34.000 Well, guess what?
00:36:35.000 Some garbage is combs, some is flip-flops, some is shampoo bottles, and now the Costa Rican beach line is just full of those three things again and again and again.
00:36:46.000 One million flip-flops, eight trillion combs. 1.00
00:36:50.000 But yeah, you gotta recycle your fucking cereal box. 0.99
00:36:54.000 So anyway, um... 0.99
00:36:57.000 One year, this guy took home this kilo.
00:36:59.000 An old fisherman picked up one of the kilos, brought it home.
00:37:02.000 He brings it to his son, and he goes, Hey, hey, little Tico boy.
00:37:06.000 I am your father.
00:37:09.000 Is this of value to you?
00:37:12.000 And he goes, Yeah, dad. 1.00
00:37:14.000 That's a good million bucks in your fucking hand right now. 0.99
00:37:17.000 That's assuming we don't cut it down. 0.99
00:37:18.000 And he didn't cut it down.
00:37:20.000 Now this coke,
00:37:21.000 He was selling it for the same price as the other Coke.
00:37:24.000 I'm surprised he didn't get killed by the Coke dealers.
00:37:26.000 Costa Ricans aren't ambitious enough to do that.
00:37:28.000 And we would do it.
00:37:30.000 It had, it's called fish scale.
00:37:32.000 It looked like fish.
00:37:33.000 It had rainbow sheen to it. 1.00
00:37:35.000 You could do it and fuck your girlfriend immediately after. 1.00
00:37:37.000 You could do it and have a large breakfast. 1.00
00:37:39.000 You could do it and hit the hay.
00:37:42.000 Do a line of Coke and go to bed. 1.00
00:37:45.000 In other words, it's all the shit they're putting in it that makes it so evil. 1.00
00:37:49.000 I heard it was like, when you put a credit card down to like try to cut it, it like blows away. 0.99
00:37:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:37:55.000 It breaks.
00:37:56.000 Sort of like that.
00:37:57.000 There's a dessert like that.
00:37:59.000 Not creme brulee, but there's some sort of like fancy, sugary, kind of a flaky thing.
00:38:04.000 There's confectionery sugar, which would probably behave similar.
00:38:07.000 No, I'm not talking about that.
00:38:09.000 It just starts, yeah, it crumples.
00:38:11.000 Yeah, yeah, I heard that.
00:38:12.000 My friend talked about this coke that he got in Oregon.
00:38:14.000 We were still like just at high school.
00:38:17.000 He talked about it for like 30 minutes.
00:38:19.000 Really?
00:38:19.000 He was talking about the rainbow, everything?
00:38:21.000 Yeah, that kid, he must have done the same shit. 1.00
00:38:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:25.000 It's entirely possible that cocaine, and heroin too, isn't bad for you in their purest form.
00:38:33.000 I mean, all these junkies that die, it's because the stuff they buy on the street changes with potency, and their tolerance goes up and down.
00:38:40.000 Maybe Keith Richards is still alive because he's doing pure heroin every day, the same amount, same location, same source, and he just has a stress-free life. 0.90
00:38:50.000 I mean, all these Aztecs would eat the cocoa leaves, and then fucking, they started wearing gold puka shells around their necks, and dancing to Aztec house, and talking, and talking, talking about themselves. 0.98
00:39:04.000 Anyway, so there was all this coke floating around. 0.97
00:39:07.000 This is another year now, not when it was the fish scale stuff.
00:39:10.000 And there was this black dude there.
00:39:13.000 And the weird thing about Costa Rica is black guys on the whatever it's Pacific side, they talk like normal Hispanics. 1.00
00:39:21.000 Like they have that Tico accent that all Hispanics seem to have. 1.00
00:39:24.000 But if they're on the other side, which I guess is the Caribbean side.
00:39:27.000 I have to look this up.
00:39:30.000 It's not a very fun place to vacation.
00:39:32.000 The waves are really brutal and the sand just sort of immediately plummets south.
00:39:37.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:37.000 So you take two steps in and you're 50 feet below.
00:39:41.000 On that side, there's a lot of blacks. 0.98
00:39:43.000 I guess they're ex-slaves.
00:39:44.000 Yeah, the Caribbean side.
00:39:46.000 And they all have a Jamaican accent, you know.
00:39:49.000 Even though we're miles and miles from anything remotely Jamaican.
00:39:53.000 Weird.
00:39:54.000 But anyway, there was this guy there and I'm like,
00:39:58.000 Hey what's up you know naive Canadian buddies with everyone and I took a picture of him for the do's and don'ts and it was flattering whatever and we got along okay pretty friendly and then I was like this guy knows what time it is he knows what's going on yeah yeah he doesn't need clothes because everyone down there just wears swimming shorts and nothing else ever the bottom of their feet are like leather
00:40:22.000 And so he saw it and then he thought, wait a minute, is this guy making fun of me?
00:40:26.000 Putting me in a magazine?
00:40:27.000 Does he think I'm worthless? 0.96
00:40:29.000 So then I see him and he wants to come and talk to me and I'm talking to someone else and he was like a weirdo cocaine addict that was kind of bad news. 0.94
00:40:42.000 It was a bum really that just lived in a tent, not for fun. 1.00
00:40:44.000 It wasn't there on vacation, he was living there.
00:40:47.000 And so I was like, in a second man, in a second. 0.98
00:40:49.000 When I was talking to someone and that fucking pissed him off. 0.99
00:40:51.000 That's the kind of thing where coke heads just snap. 1.00
00:40:55.000 So then next time, I think like a day later, I'm doing coke in the bathroom by myself and he comes in.
00:40:59.000 He's like, you want to give me some of that?
00:41:02.000 And I go, yeah, okay. 1.00
00:41:04.000 And then he's like, and then he stares at me really close and he goes, don't fuck around, Kebin. 1.00
00:41:10.000 Called me Kebin. 1.00
00:41:11.000 All Jamaicans call me Kebin.
00:41:14.000 And all black Americans call me Gives. 1.00
00:41:19.000 None, they never say gav. 0.93
00:41:21.000 I'll never figure it out. 1.00
00:41:22.000 But anyway, he goes, don't fuck around, Kevin. 1.00
00:41:25.000 Because if you fuck around, you get abuse. 1.00
00:41:29.000 Scene? 1.00
00:41:29.000 It's kind of, he's a very dark black man. 1.00
00:41:32.000 And I'm high. 0.99
00:41:34.000 In a bathroom, standing and pee in my bare feet.
00:41:37.000 Not a very comfortable moment.
00:41:40.000 And then we're leaving and he goes, Kevin!
00:41:42.000 Kevin!
00:41:44.000 And he goes, I'm international.
00:41:48.000 Oh, I'm international Kevin.
00:41:52.000 I mean, I'll follow you anywhere.
00:41:55.000 No, wrong.
00:41:56.000 He means he's famous and you can't just put him in a magazine and think that no one's going to know it's him.
00:42:00.000 He's all over the world.
00:42:01.000 Everyone knows who, whatever his name was.
00:42:03.000 International.
00:42:04.000 Yeah.
00:42:05.000 That story was way better in my head.
00:42:06.000 It reminded me too of another story in Vice.
00:42:09.000 I once put a picture of a Jamaican, like one of those over top, over the top Rastafarians with a big white 1.00
00:42:17.000 Hat with jaw on it and it's about four feet high because it's full of dreads. 0.83
00:42:21.000 He's got like a white cloak with the Rastafari lion on and a big wood staff with like fucking Marcus Garvey's face carved into it and big crazy like Indian moccasin things that are red gold and green with tassels on the side and and like beads and fringes hanging everywhere. 0.92
00:42:40.000 He looks like a parade float, this guy. 0.98
00:42:43.000 And so I put him in the do's and don'ts of Vice, and I just made a joke about, I pretended I thought he was a Québécois nationalist from Quebec, and I'm going, vive le Québec libre, it's kind of a Canadian joke you wouldn't get, but I'm like, you know, making all these French-Canadian references, and je me souviens, and we love Jacques Pérusseau forever, and vive le Québec libre and all this stuff, and fuck the English. 1.00
00:43:09.000 Fuck Ontario and cack cack Canada. 1.00
00:43:13.000 You get the joke obviously he's not that witty. 1.00
00:43:15.000 See he sees it and he's pissed off and he calls me advice and he says I'm calling you just as a preemptive strike before I get my lawyer involved.
00:43:26.000 I'm gonna sue you all you use my face without permission. 1.00
00:43:30.000 And I go, um, okay.
00:43:32.000 I just want you to know that you're in public.
00:43:35.000 So in a public place, there's a reasonable expectation of being photographed.
00:43:41.000 That's the law.
00:43:42.000 So, you went outside, you knew 50 people would see you, now 5,000 people saw you.
00:43:48.000 How are you gonna argue that that extra decimal place is somehow financially damaging?
00:43:52.000 Now, if I put you on the cover of Rastafarian Shampoo, and I was making money with you as my spokesperson, or my, sorry, my mascot, then yeah, you got a case, but you don't have a case.
00:44:02.000 I can give you some t-shirts or some CDs or something.
00:44:05.000 When I come by, I'll buy you lunch, I don't know.
00:44:07.000 He goes, oh, Kevin, I got Babylon closer than I mean.
00:44:13.000 I got 16 kids.
00:44:15.000 Geez.
00:44:16.000 I'm going to get a hell of a lot more than some CDs and a t-shirt, you know?
00:44:21.000 And he never did. 1.00
00:44:22.000 What a cocky bastard. 1.00
00:44:24.000 Well, he's just not aware of the law. 1.00
00:44:26.000 Most people aren't.
00:44:27.000 Most people, you see that on YouTube videos, like stop filming me.
00:44:30.000 You don't have permission to film me.
00:44:31.000 That's illegal.
00:44:33.000 It's not illegal.
00:44:33.000 This is just a lot more eyeballs looking at you than you thought would.
00:44:38.000 If you're at home alone and you're smelling your balls, yeah, that's not fair. 0.99
00:44:42.000 You expected privacy. 0.99
00:44:43.000 But the second you're in public, you abandon your right to privacy.
00:44:48.000 So if you're cheating on your wife with your mistress and we put you on the cover of the New York Times and it says spring has sprung, this is a real case, you can't sue for ruining your marriage. 1.00
00:44:59.000 You went out in public with her, dumbass. 1.00
00:45:02.000 By the way, speaking of the Coke and the, and the, uh, fucking, um, 1.00
00:45:09.000 Caribbean guy? 0.99
00:45:10.000 The DA chasing the water.
00:45:11.000 That just reminded me of Pepper.
00:45:14.000 Excuse?
00:45:16.000 What's his full name?
00:45:17.000 Pepper Keenan?
00:45:18.000 Yes, Pepper Keenan.
00:45:20.000 He was the bassist.
00:45:22.000 When I was in a punk band, we opened for this band Corrosion of Conformity, and there's this dude in the band named Pepper Keenan.
00:45:28.000 He has his own band now.
00:45:29.000 I think they're called Down.
00:45:31.000 Yeah.
00:45:33.000 And very heavy dude. 0.99
00:45:34.000 Fucking intense metal dude. 0.99
00:45:37.000 Right? 0.99
00:45:38.000 He's bros with the guy from Pantera.
00:45:41.000 Also, possibly the most interesting man in the world.
00:45:44.000 I actually pitched him to Playboy Magazine in 2009 and they wouldn't take it because they wanted me to find more guys that do this job.
00:45:52.000 And I said, that's not my job.
00:45:53.000 Just make, he's a fascinating dude.
00:45:55.000 No, no, find three people who do this, then we can make a better thing.
00:45:59.000 Okay, then I'm Hunter S. Thompson now and you gotta pay me like 40 grand to go scour the globe.
00:46:05.000 But anyway, Pepper Keenan's job used to be moving yachts, moving luxury cruise ships, not cruise ships, but billionaire yachts.
00:46:15.000 Are they called yachts when they have no sail?
00:46:17.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:46:18.000 I don't know.
00:46:21.000 So those things, say you're in, like you're at Cannes for the film festival, right?
00:46:26.000 And then the next place you want to go is, I don't know, Morocco.
00:46:33.000 You obviously don't want to transport your $3,000,000, your $30,000,000 yacht down there.
00:46:38.000 That's like a five-day trip.
00:46:39.000 I have no idea how long it is, but you get what I'm saying.
00:46:42.000 So these billionaires, they hire guys to drive these boats, to drive their boats to various locations.
00:46:47.000 They don't do a lot of sailing in the $30,000,000 boat, obviously. 0.94
00:46:50.000 They just noodle around the area, ride it a few times, fuck some chicks, then they got to go back to work. 0.99
00:46:56.000 So that thing goes into storage, and then they go, my next trip is way out here. 0.94
00:47:00.000 I want my boat to be there when I get there.
00:47:02.000 So it's like these guys have to move their hotel. 0.92
00:47:04.000 Kind of a retarded thing, isn't it? 1.00
00:47:07.000 Like, just stay at a fancy hotel when you get to your destination. 0.90
00:47:11.000 Yeah.
00:47:13.000 And if it's con, you can have your secretary book it a year in advance or something, no?
00:47:17.000 Con!
00:47:20.000 Um... So... The problem with that is, these guys are going through these really shitty areas, and they end up fucking...
00:47:31.000 Their lives are in danger. 0.99
00:47:33.000 And one time, they were driving through Africa.
00:47:38.000 Right?
00:47:39.000 They were near Somalia.
00:47:40.000 Where's Somalia?
00:47:41.000 Somalia is on the eastern end of... There was Somali pirates.
00:47:45.000 So maybe, where the hell were they going?
00:47:47.000 Maybe somewhere in India?
00:47:49.000 That's an oxymoron, Somalia. 1.00
00:47:51.000 I don't get it.
00:47:52.000 Either it's some or all, yeah?
00:47:54.000 Oh, they.
00:47:55.000 So maybe the billionaire was going to Sri Lanka or something.
00:47:58.000 And maybe he was going from Yemen, Saudi Arabia.
00:48:02.000 Yeah, maybe he was in Saudi Arabia.
00:48:03.000 Maybe he was one of these United Arab Emirates guys.
00:48:07.000 So he's going by Somalia.
00:48:09.000 I presume in the Gulf of Aden.
00:48:11.000 No, I don't have Google Maps open.
00:48:13.000 I'm just that well informed.
00:48:17.000 And they start getting shot at by Somali pirates.
00:48:21.000 And the guy, they start waving help.
00:48:24.000 No, sorry, they're not getting shot at by Somali pirates.
00:48:25.000 The Somali pirates are waving help, help.
00:48:28.000 Now it's illegal to go out on a seafaring vessel without a way of communicating with the Coast Guard.
00:48:37.000 Right?
00:48:38.000 So you always have to have a Coast Guard thingamadoodle on your boat.
00:48:42.000 So those guys are either lying or they are breaking the law by not having a Coast Guard.
00:48:47.000 Not that Somalians have ever been known to break the law.
00:48:50.000 So, uh, they're waving, help, help, and they're getting closer and closer to the $30 million yacht.
00:48:56.000 And guess what? 0.99
00:48:56.000 The captain and Pepper, I think, are the only two guys on this fucking boat. 0.99
00:49:00.000 Right? 0.99
00:49:01.000 It's just being transported for me to be there.
00:49:03.000 Truckers, basically, living on this beautiful boat.
00:49:05.000 They're not eating caviar. 0.93
00:49:06.000 There's no staff there sucking their toes. 0.99
00:49:08.000 There's no prostitutes. 1.00
00:49:09.000 They're just wearing sweatshirts and, you know, for hours and hours and hours.
00:49:18.000 He takes out his shotgun and he shoots the boat. 1.00
00:49:22.000 Shit. 1.00
00:49:23.000 He had no choice. 1.00
00:49:26.000 You're in the ocean near Somalia.
00:49:28.000 You don't want, I am the captain now.
00:49:31.000 Look at me.
00:49:32.000 This is before that movie, by the way.
00:49:35.000 And so he goes, yeah, it's possible that they, my captain killed 12 people.
00:49:39.000 Boy, I'm really spilling some names on this podcast here. 0.99
00:49:42.000 I hope I don't get fucking everyone in me thrown in jail. 0.97
00:49:46.000 Um, but I had no choice. 0.99
00:49:49.000 Another cool story you told me was there in Central America.
00:49:52.000 Allow me to just scooch over on my little map here.
00:49:56.000 Yes, I was lying.
00:49:59.000 Where the F were they now?
00:50:01.000 They were somewhere around Nicaragua.
00:50:03.000 Maybe they were coming from Costa Rica.
00:50:05.000 I heard that the FBI and the CIA like to retire in Costa Rica and that's why it's one of the only 0.99
00:50:11.000 Somewhat safe countries in the entire Central American area Panama's a shithole Nicaragua's fucking dangerous Honduras Guatemala all rebel murderers everywhere, but Costa Rica is just hippies. 0.94
00:50:24.000 It's pretty darn safe and So they're down there in the What ocean is this Pacific Ocean? 0.99
00:50:36.000 And they dock somewhere up in Mexico.
00:50:38.000 I guess they've gone from Costa Rica and they're stopping in Mexico at a port on the way up to California.
00:50:44.000 And when they're there, the police show up.
00:50:47.000 Uh-oh.
00:50:48.000 And they come over to them and they say, hey man, can you give us a hand here?
00:50:52.000 And so they go, sure.
00:50:53.000 They haven't done anything illegal.
00:50:54.000 They don't have any drugs on the boat.
00:50:55.000 And they go over and the, the, the Mexican police have confiscated a massive boat, like a yacht that is full of drugs.
00:51:03.000 It's probably an El Chapo boat.
00:51:05.000 And it has kilo and kilo of, uh, after big, big kilo bags of Coke.
00:51:10.000 And they take them onto the thingamadoodle.
00:51:12.000 What's it called again?
00:51:15.000 The what?
00:51:15.000 The dock?
00:51:16.000 The where the captain is?
00:51:18.000 Oh, the, uh, I don't know the name of it, but yes.
00:51:21.000 Well, thanks for helping out.
00:51:23.000 Um, now we got to, can you look that up?
00:51:25.000 What's that called?
00:51:26.000 Where the captain goes?
00:51:27.000 Hey, I need you to come up to the cabin, the, the starboard port layer.
00:51:34.000 Come up to the deck.
00:51:37.000 What did you Google?
00:51:38.000 Sea captain?
00:51:40.000 Um, what is the name of the room where the captain steers the boat?
00:51:44.000 It's, uh,
00:51:48.000 Why is there not just a one word answer?
00:51:50.000 Who writes three paragraphs?
00:51:51.000 I don't know this, but I bet boating people are as annoying as vegans and gun people and car people when it comes to their answers.
00:51:59.000 It actually depends on the vessel?
00:52:00.000 Yeah, that's what it says here.
00:52:02.000 Names change on the vessel, pretty much as a wheelhouse.
00:52:06.000 Wheelhouse or a helm?
00:52:08.000 Helm.
00:52:08.000 Yeah.
00:52:09.000 Helm was the word.
00:52:09.000 Just say helm, folks.
00:52:11.000 Yeah, guys.
00:52:12.000 It depends.
00:52:13.000 Is it a canoe?
00:52:14.000 That's called the front starboard port.
00:52:19.000 So the police say, can you help us out here?
00:52:21.000 And they take them down into the helm. 0.99
00:52:23.000 And they say, what the fuck is all this? 0.97
00:52:25.000 And they go, oh, because it's all computers now. 0.99
00:52:27.000 It looks like a laptop.
00:52:28.000 It's like three iPads and a computer.
00:52:30.000 There's no giant wheel.
00:52:32.000 So they go, OK.
00:52:33.000 What you wanna do here is you wanna go to this, and this is your main homepage, and then this is reverse, and then you type reverse, and this is forward, look, you can change it, it's already in Spanish, and then all of this down here, this is your maps, and if you're going near rocks, you click here, and they just explain it to them, they go, oh, okay, I get it here, and they're filming it and stuff so they can remember, and then they go, if you want any Coke, just go bananas, right there, and one of the bags had been slit open,
00:53:01.000 And there's a knife sitting there.
00:53:02.000 These cops were just doing the occasional bump as they went through trying to figure out how a $30 million yacht works.
00:53:12.000 Which makes sense, too, because you want your brain to be really cooking in overdrive.
00:53:16.000 So they were actually, I bet if they told their captain, he'd say, I hope you're doing cocaine the whole time, right?
00:53:21.000 You need to get your synapses going if you're going to figure out basically a new language.
00:53:27.000 Synapse is going.
00:53:28.000 You gotta get your syna- That's just- That's French.
00:53:31.000 That's Quebecois.
00:53:32.000 I don't know if the French frants do it, but, um, the, uh, Quebecois always get the wrong syllable. 0.99
00:53:39.000 What are you doing, you retard? 1.00
00:53:41.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:53:43.000 Alright, let's do some letters.
00:53:44.000 Ready?
00:53:44.000 Mm-hmm.
00:53:45.000 Stop working.
00:53:46.000 Okay. 1.00
00:53:49.000 Get your fucking letter page ready. 1.00
00:53:51.000 I see. 1.00
00:53:54.000 Here's one.
00:53:55.000 I know this guy.
00:53:57.000 His name's Will, a little Mexican man.
00:54:00.000 He's a little Mexican man.
00:54:02.000 And he was inspired by our guy from another episode who goes to Disneyland several times a year, often without his daughter.
00:54:13.000 That is worse than a racist. 1.00
00:54:15.000 Like, if I met someone who was like, fuckin' Jews, and these goddamn blacks need to go back to... I'd probably... I bet I could tolerate him. 1.00
00:54:23.000 I'd just go, can you stop talking about that shit, please? 1.00
00:54:25.000 And as long as he didn't bring it up, and he was funny and interesting, I think I could get over it. 1.00
00:54:29.000 I'd just go, this guy's got a lot of hams. 0.99
00:54:31.000 Shit, people hang out with Professor Griff and all these black separatists, because it's cool. 1.00
00:54:36.000 So, I could... I've never tried it. 1.00
00:54:39.000 And every time I've met, through my career of finding weirdos, every time I've met a bonafide racist, which is very rare, they've also been mentally ill, and incredibly irritating, and unable to drop the subject, especially anti-Semites. 1.00
00:54:52.000 Holy shit, guys! 1.00
00:54:54.000 Get a new bag! 1.00
00:54:56.000 As Jared Taylor would say, it's with a point where if it rains on their birthday, they blame the Jews.
00:55:03.000 You should work on your Jared Taylor.
00:55:05.000 White. 0.81
00:55:07.000 White people. 0.69
00:55:08.000 I have to listen to him again. 0.99
00:55:09.000 Yeah, that was terrible.
00:55:10.000 Alright.
00:55:11.000 Hey Gavin, I like your new sunglasses!
00:55:14.000 It's an inside joke.
00:55:15.000 You better get or you're fired from listening to this podcast.
00:55:18.000 And you can't use my promo code GAVIN at BetDSI.
00:55:22.000 I work at a big company in DC.
00:55:24.000 Every time we get a new hire we get emailed a little bio about the person.
00:55:27.000 Most are Ivy League types and they're either phonies or soy boys. 0.98
00:55:31.000 This guy's ex-military and he could beat me up and that's saying a lot because I'm a fucking badass. 0.93
00:55:38.000 I asked, here's a recent Q&A with him. 0.94
00:55:41.000 What's your favorite sport?
00:55:42.000 Jeopardy.
00:55:44.000 Do you have any pets?
00:55:45.000 I have a spunky little corgi named Wendy. 0.95
00:55:49.000 What are your hobbies?
00:55:50.000 Oh God, Broadway shows, anything Marvel, dog grooming, and I guess skincare?
00:55:56.000 Favorite music?
00:55:56.000 What?
00:55:57.000 Oh, just like basic pop.
00:55:59.000 My daughter, my 12-year-old daughter is too cool for basic pop. 1.00
00:56:04.000 She doesn't even like, what, like I'll find some female artist who's kind of poppy, like not even Miley Cyrus, I mean someone more underground, and I go, what do you think of Billie Eilish or something?
00:56:14.000 And she'd go, nah, she's corny. 1.00
00:56:16.000 Oh, we gotta go deeper.
00:56:18.000 Gotta go like Tyler the Creator and below to interest her.
00:56:22.000 Or K-pop.
00:56:26.000 No, she does not like K-pop.
00:56:28.000 As if just being in the same... What?
00:56:30.000 My girlfriend talked to her.
00:56:30.000 I heard she did.
00:56:31.000 And they both like K-pop.
00:56:33.000 Well, then she likes it sarcastically.
00:56:35.000 Yeah, nobody's proud of it, but they like it.
00:56:37.000 No, she likes it ironically. 0.98
00:56:39.000 She was some pop star for Halloween and I gotta get more in touch with my daughter because I thought that she liked this girl and she goes, no dumbass, I'm kidding. 0.98
00:56:50.000 She was making fun of the girl. 0.98
00:56:52.000 Forget who it was.
00:56:53.000 She has a side ponytail and she likes unicorns and stuff. 0.90
00:56:58.000 As if being in the same building with this guy isn't bad enough, when I came into my office the next morning, I noticed that the empty office next to mine had little Marvel figures in it. 0.93
00:57:05.000 And I shit you not, a giant Jackson Pollock painting of a corgi! 0.52
00:57:10.000 Didn't Jackson Pollock only do, uh... splatters? 0.98
00:57:16.000 I think you got the wrong artist there, Will. 1.00
00:57:18.000 Yeah, you dumb idiot. 1.00
00:57:19.000 Fucking asshole. 1.00
00:57:20.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:57:23.000 Sorry. 1.00
00:57:23.000 Get it, Will. 1.00
00:57:24.000 Yeah, you got the wrong guy.
00:57:25.000 Oh, wait a minute.
00:57:26.000 What's this?
00:57:28.000 No, that's not... I don't think Jackson Pollock painted corgis.
00:57:32.000 You damn fool. 1.00
00:57:35.000 The following day he came into my office to introduce himself and arrange for a firm happy hour to get to know everyone. 1.00
00:57:40.000 That's kind of a weird thing to do.
00:57:43.000 We'll arrange the happy hours, thanks.
00:57:45.000 You just got here.
00:57:47.000 I'm adding my own interjections here.
00:57:50.000 Back to the letter.
00:57:51.000 Uh, and that we're getting off at three today to go to have drinks.
00:57:54.000 I said, bless your cotton socks. 0.86
00:57:56.000 And, and he said, and then he adds, I shit you not, actually, I'm pretty sure mine are polyester. 0.96
00:58:02.000 Okay. 0.98
00:58:03.000 So that's just a corny joke.
00:58:05.000 He's still not as bad as the Disney guy.
00:58:08.000 Uh, we were standing next to a large window in a tall building and I immediately had a vision of me Spartan kicking this guy through the window and watching him fall to his death.
00:58:15.000 Finally, he asked me if I wanted to grab lunch.
00:58:17.000 I said, I'm sorry, I don't eat.
00:58:19.000 Yes, I'm on the same page as you.
00:58:21.000 No, our guy said that.
00:58:23.000 We don't eat either.
00:58:24.000 That's good.
00:58:25.000 Eating is a fad.
00:58:28.000 We have thin walls at my office.
00:58:30.000 I have to listen to this guy.
00:58:31.000 Oh, here's the clincher.
00:58:32.000 This is worse than Disneyland.
00:58:34.000 We have thin walls at my office and I have to listen to this guy call his mother every day at 12 and talk about how challenging it is to adapt to a new city.
00:58:44.000 Guy's married and has a kid, so he isn't gay.
00:58:46.000 But to be honest, I wouldn't even have a problem with his behavior if he was gay. 0.93
00:58:48.000 The fact that he's a straight man and behaves this way is what kills me. 0.99
00:58:54.000 Calling your mother is totally unacceptable.
00:58:57.000 Let me just make something clear.
00:58:59.000 Saying the words, my mother, is totally unacceptable.
00:59:04.000 You shouldn't, you can say the words, my mother, once a week and it has to be hair whiteningly relevant to the conversation. 0.63
00:59:12.000 People have to go, wow, that's a perfect example of what we're talking about.
00:59:17.000 But I hear these guys, usually they're unmarried and strangely not gay, but don't want to talk about it. 1.00
00:59:24.000 I hear these guys going, yeah well if my mom was here she'd probably say, what the hell are you guys talking about? 0.79
00:59:29.000 She hates that kind of stuff. 1.00
00:59:32.000 Oof.
00:59:34.000 Painful.
00:59:36.000 I told you not to work.
00:59:37.000 Why are you working?
00:59:39.000 I feel like if I stop I'm going to forget what I have to fix.
00:59:41.000 I'm just fixing all the things that are tying up loose ends.
00:59:45.000 Here's a guy named Dave.
00:59:46.000 He wants to see me on Bill Maher's show, Politically Incorrect.
00:59:51.000 See you.
00:59:52.000 See you, by the way!
00:59:54.000 I will air that.
00:59:55.000 I think I have it on VHS tape.
00:59:56.000 It's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done.
00:59:57.000 I was blind drunk for an appearance on his show when he was on Comedy Central.
01:00:01.000 The show was called Politically Incorrect.
01:00:02.000 This would be 2000.
01:00:05.000 So almost 20 years ago, and I was just incoherent.
01:00:10.000 I was really high on coke, really drunk, and it is, when we launch our new site, it'll be one of the sneak peeks you get with membership. 0.82
01:00:18.000 There's gonna be a lot of bonuses in there, like my fight with Copper Cab, all kinds of fun shit.
01:00:23.000 Little shows that don't air anywhere but on there like I'm gonna do a thing on my records.
01:00:28.000 I'm gonna do a history of punk.
01:00:30.000 I got 25 hottest chicks in the world Ryan and I have put together.
01:00:33.000 That's gonna be an amorphous list that is constantly changing just like the top 10 list.
01:00:39.000 But yeah, here's an example by the way.
01:00:42.000 We were talking about the parents of JonBenet Ramsey, right?
01:00:48.000 And how they were writing a book.
01:00:50.000 Now they were suspects in the death of their beautiful little daughter.
01:00:53.000 And as suspects, should they have the right to write a book to profit off this?
01:00:58.000 What if they killed her?
01:00:59.000 And now they're making money?
01:01:00.000 It's a very intelligent question and a great idea to bring up in a group conversation.
01:01:07.000 What a good idea for a show, Bill.
01:01:09.000 I hadn't read any of the questions.
01:01:11.000 I'd been partying with Derek Beckles in Austin, South by Southwest, for days.
01:01:14.000 We'd been drinking for many, many days.
01:01:18.000 And so all the questions were news to me.
01:01:21.000 Now,
01:01:23.000 Uh, you know when you're wasted and your brain and your mouth aren't friends?
01:01:27.000 So let me just tell you what my brain was thinking when it came around to me.
01:01:30.000 I was thinking, yeah, I mean, I understand the question and the whole philosophy, but I don't know.
01:01:37.000 We sort of, you know, the strange thing about America is we imbue all this authority on their face in the courtroom.
01:01:43.000 This is a little off topic, but you know, they said they showed no remorse in the courtroom.
01:01:49.000 And I heard about this woman who was driving the bus that that went off the road there and went through the ice I think it was in Canada or something and like 30 little kids were killed and she showed no remorse in the courtroom And and you think if I had killed 30 kids, I don't know if you're gonna be seeing remorse I I think I just sort of be there catatonic maybe sort of shaking a little bit So with it with these parents
01:02:14.000 We seem to think they're being callous and stuff.
01:02:16.000 I don't know if they are.
01:02:17.000 If they did lose their kid, you gotta think.
01:02:18.000 These people are on the edge of losing their minds.
01:02:21.000 Maybe they need the book as something cathartic.
01:02:22.000 I don't have a great answer, Bill.
01:02:24.000 That's what my brain told me.
01:02:26.000 And I thought that was okay.
01:02:27.000 Here's what came out of my mouth. 0.99
01:02:28.000 I said, oh man, I don't know, like fucking... 0.99
01:02:34.000 There's a big, like, a big school bus. 1.00
01:02:37.000 All the kids, you know, you kill all the kids.
01:02:42.000 All the kids are dead. 0.98
01:02:43.000 And you're just there.
01:02:50.000 And I'm, by the end of that, I'm having a seizure in the chair, portraying the bus driver shaking in her chair.
01:02:58.000 Oh boy.
01:02:59.000 Yeah, it is the most embarrassing thing that exists of me.
01:03:04.000 And the SPLC, everyone keeps bringing up all these horrible things. 0.99
01:03:09.000 And I go, that's a fucking joke, dude. 1.00
01:03:14.000 I was crying like a fag. 1.00
01:03:15.000 He's constantly referred to homosexuals as fags. 1.00
01:03:18.000 No, when you say you were crying like a fag, you're not calling gays fags, right? 1.00
01:03:26.000 I don't think you are. 0.99
01:03:27.000 I don't want to keep my job.
01:03:32.000 I don't know.
01:03:34.000 I don't know.
01:03:35.000 That kind of sounds like that Andy, the sidekick for Conan O'Brien.
01:03:40.000 Andy Richter.
01:03:41.000 Sure.
01:03:41.000 Andy Richter.
01:03:42.000 Okay, I can't do him.
01:03:43.000 He just got divorced and him and his wife both denounced it on Twitter.
01:03:47.000 Yeesh.
01:03:48.000 Yeah, just so you know, I am getting divorced.
01:03:50.000 I was at a party with him once doing coke.
01:03:53.000 I go, you want a bump?
01:03:53.000 And he goes, no thank you, never tried it.
01:03:56.000 You're a comedian?
01:03:57.000 In Hollywood, you never tried it?
01:04:00.000 Okay.
01:04:01.000 Little wacky.
01:04:02.000 Little wacker doodle dudes.
01:04:04.000 Little wacky doodle dudes.
01:04:05.000 Dear Gavin, I now blow dry my toes.
01:04:08.000 I think it's a good idea for people who live with chronic lower back pain.
01:04:11.000 Besides, bending forward is overrated. 1.00
01:04:13.000 Fuck you. 1.00
01:04:15.000 Also, PF Flyers are for fags, chucks are for girls. 1.00
01:04:18.000 Check out Pro Keds. 0.99
01:04:20.000 Alright, I've been getting a lot of this.
01:04:22.000 PF Flyers are low-cut white chucks for girls. 0.76
01:04:27.000 Pro Keds are for beautiful women, mostly rich, mostly on $30 million yachts. 1.00
01:04:33.000 Lori Loughlin was wearing Pro Keds on her husband's boat when she called those schools and got her daughter in. 0.92
01:04:41.000 A man?
01:04:42.000 A grown man wearing prokeds?
01:04:44.000 I'm sorry, no.
01:04:46.000 Nay.
01:04:48.000 Nada.
01:04:49.000 Nilch.
01:04:50.000 You shant. 1.00
01:04:53.000 Cello, you shant. 1.00
01:04:57.000 Hello, it's a bass.
01:05:00.000 Cello, it's a cello.
01:05:06.000 We're doing our Jack Black imitations, folks at home. 0.78
01:05:08.000 Okay, we're running out of time here. 0.99
01:05:09.000 Gotta go, got shit to do. 0.98
01:05:15.000 Is that really who he is? 1.00
01:05:17.000 Is he that guy at home with his wife and kid?
01:05:20.000 And would his wife get disappointed and go, I mean, I like that you're rich and everything, but I kind of thought when we got married, he'd be like, chaloo, it's a bass.
01:05:30.000 Hey babe, do you have any eggs this morning?
01:05:32.000 I'm pretty hungry.
01:05:33.000 Just as regular?
01:05:36.000 I said that with Johnny Rotten once, because he always has this sexy squirrel.
01:05:40.000 The councils, they pen our concerts, and they take our money.
01:05:45.000 Hello?
01:05:45.000 I know a guy, Tony Barber, from the Buzzcocks, who, by the way, broke up with me, not because of Trump, but because I told him he couldn't bring his pitbulls around my kids.
01:05:56.000 Weirdest dump I've ever had. 0.99
01:05:57.000 And I've had some weird shits in my day. 0.99
01:06:02.000 I have a six-year-old who's pitbull eye level, and he gets his pits from rescues. 0.99
01:06:07.000 They're usually black drug dealers fighting dogs. 1.00
01:06:10.000 Like, I wouldn't want his pitbulls around my fucking dog. 1.00
01:06:14.000 I wouldn't want his pitbulls around my personal pitbull trainer. 1.00
01:06:19.000 So that's weird, but anyway.
01:06:22.000 Uh, I said, Tony, how do you hang out with, like, John Lydon?
01:06:25.000 Johnny Rotten?
01:06:25.000 Is he that way all the time?
01:06:27.000 Is he a sexy squirrel?
01:06:28.000 Hello!
01:06:29.000 What are you doing?
01:06:30.000 I'm John Lydon.
01:06:33.000 And he goes, yes, dude.
01:06:35.000 Actually, he said, yo, dude.
01:06:37.000 That's who he is.
01:06:39.000 He's not, it's not an act.
01:06:40.000 Like if you have tea at his house in LA, he'll say, would you like some sugar?
01:06:45.000 He is constantly in Johnny Rotten mode.
01:06:49.000 Yikes.
01:06:50.000 Good, I'm glad though.
01:06:51.000 Yeah, I guess so.
01:06:53.000 You know, that's what's up.
01:06:56.000 Leash Odin.
01:06:57.000 Hello Gavin, I've noticed a few personalities like Paul Joseph Watten and Sargent of Akkad have started using the reference clown world.
01:07:03.000 I remember you using this over a year ago, I think you deserve credit for coming up with it.
01:07:08.000 You should have a segment on your show actually called Today in Clown World.
01:07:11.000 Yeah, I don't know if I came up with Clown World.
01:07:12.000 I don't really care about that kind of stuff.
01:07:14.000 It's never in the history books.
01:07:15.000 Like, I discovered Ryan McGinley.
01:07:17.000 Got no credit.
01:07:20.000 I invented the word immersionism.
01:07:22.000 Got no credit.
01:07:23.000 I invented hipsters.
01:07:25.000 Got no credit.
01:07:26.000 Like, what are you gonna do with that credit?
01:07:28.000 Take it to the bank? 0.99
01:07:28.000 Who fucking cares? 0.99
01:07:30.000 And the history books are full of shit anyway. 1.00
01:07:34.000 By the way, that's not assassinating Abe Lincoln or, you know, starting World War I. Coming up with a quirky term to describe a trend in pop culture. 0.99
01:07:46.000 It's hardly something to pass on to the kiddies.
01:07:48.000 Alright, I'm losing my voice here.
01:07:50.000 What happened?
01:07:51.000 Tobin Dallyrimple.
01:07:53.000 I've tried your whole not showering thing.
01:07:55.000 The good news is I haven't lost any of my hair. 0.99
01:07:56.000 The bad news is I smell like shit and my wife won't blow me anymore. 1.00
01:07:58.000 Love you. 0.99
01:08:01.000 I never said don't shower, dude. 1.00
01:08:02.000 I made it very clear that you wash your balls, your dick, your foreskin, and your butthole, and your armpits. 1.00
01:08:09.000 I never said don't shower. 1.00
01:08:10.000 I said don't use shampoo.
01:08:11.000 Don't wash your hair with any kind of soap. 1.00
01:08:14.000 And as far as your dick goes, say you don't get around to showering for three days and you have a foreskin. 1.00
01:08:20.000 And you think there's a snowball's chance in hell of your wife blowing you? 1.00
01:08:24.000 Don't wash your dick. 1.00
01:08:26.000 You know why? 1.00
01:08:27.000 Because she can hear it. 0.99
01:08:29.000 No matter where she is in the house, she'll hear the... And she'll know, as someone who never washes their hands, meaning you, you never wash your hands, she'll know that he is washing his dick, hoping that he's going to get a beach. 0.99
01:08:43.000 That's something, I don't know, that leaves you vulnerable. 0.99
01:08:47.000 You can't let her know that you're sitting there going...
01:08:50.000 So what you do is you have wet wipes stashed and you swab the deck with wet wipes. 1.00
01:08:59.000 You may have to give it a bit of a rinse so it doesn't taste like soap, but, um, that's the, that's the key to, um, a happy life and getting the occasional beach is wet wipe your disgusting shmegma dick. 1.00
01:09:13.000 And, uh, when it comes to showers, only wash your balls, dick, butthole, armpits, never wash your fucking hair, you weird fag. 1.00
01:09:23.000 It's from Nick. 1.00
01:09:25.000 I'm 34.
01:09:26.000 How do I survive middle management? 1.00
01:09:27.000 I get shit from everyone above me and from up- Stop your fucking whining, you pussy. 1.00
01:09:31.000 Little bitch. 1.00
01:09:35.000 Angel Garcia. 1.00
01:09:36.000 Suspicious man spotted atop-
01:09:38.000 Notre Dame Chapel.
01:09:40.000 I've seen a few people talking about this conspiracy with Notre Dame.
01:09:43.000 I'm totally open to it.
01:09:44.000 Why can we not discuss conspiracies?
01:09:47.000 Why can we not wonder anymore?
01:09:49.000 I wonder about things.
01:09:52.000 If what you ask is a question, it has a question mark at the end, you're allowed to say anything you want.
01:09:58.000 And if it's not a threat, if you're not saying go kill this person, you can say anything. 0.99
01:10:04.000 God damn it! 0.99
01:10:05.000 So many people get fired for wondering things. 0.99
01:10:08.000 I've been getting this a lot.
01:10:09.000 This is from Adam Lanham.
01:10:10.000 We're going to wrap it up soon.
01:10:12.000 Hi guys, I love the show.
01:10:13.000 Gavin, on multiple occasions you've referenced Cormac McCarthy, quote, there is no joy in the tavern as upon the road thereto.
01:10:20.000 Great quote, but it's not from the novel The Road.
01:10:22.000 It's from Blood Meridian.
01:10:24.000 Nerd. 1.00
01:10:25.000 A, fuck you. 1.00
01:10:27.000 B, maybe it's in both books. 1.00
01:10:28.000 I've never read Blood Meridian, so how would I know this quote?
01:10:32.000 Oh.
01:10:33.000 And then he goes, any of your listeners looking for a decent man, you should check out Don Delilo.
01:10:37.000 That reminds me of another letter where some guy goes, hey man, you should check out Queens of the Stone Age.
01:10:43.000 They're really heavy.
01:10:43.000 I think you'd like them.
01:10:44.000 And there's another band from around that time called Arctic Monkeys.
01:10:47.000 This is someone who's maybe 22 telling a 50 year old who was making mixtapes
01:10:53.000 Starting in 1983.
01:10:56.000 Didn't you put the Arctic Monkeys on your label?
01:10:59.000 No.
01:10:59.000 They were already too big then.
01:11:01.000 But I was well aware of them when they started.
01:11:04.000 My buddy Jeff Jensen, the guy I visit in Jamaica, he went on tour with them and did a whole comedy routine where he pretended to be a fan or their manager.
01:11:18.000 Jeff Jensen, Arctic Monkey.
01:11:20.000 What comes up here?
01:11:22.000 Jeff Jensen Band?
01:11:24.000 No, no.
01:11:26.000 Arctic Monkeys?
01:11:28.000 Oh, it looks like Jeff Jensen has to compete with another guy named Jeff Jensen and there's nothing in... He's just an accounting.
01:11:38.000 No, there's a famous Jeff Jen... I'm really ending this on a low note here.
01:11:42.000 But yeah, Millennials, stop telling me about things that I've likely heard of. 1.00
01:11:49.000 Okay?
01:11:50.000 What is this?
01:11:51.000 Morose Elephant?
01:11:52.000 Jeff Jensen?
01:11:54.000 The Antique Librarian?
01:11:57.000 Jeff hasn't done anything since he moved to Jamaica.
01:12:02.000 No, okay, nothing there, sorry.
01:12:06.000 That's the show, folks.
01:12:08.000 The moral of the story is,
01:12:11.000 You should, to quote Joe Strummer from The Clash, be... Everyone is lying.
01:12:21.000 They don't care about the Mueller Report.
01:12:24.000 They don't care about Lori Loughlin getting into that school. 0.96
01:12:28.000 They're just trying to one-up the other guy. 0.99
01:12:29.000 It's just a big fucking tacky game of checkers. 0.98
01:12:34.000 And you should read everything with a pinch of salt. 0.98
01:12:36.000 I mean, you know that, that you have to read everything with a pinch of salt.
01:12:39.000 But when things sound too good to be true, they are.
01:12:42.000 And I ain't falling for it.
01:12:47.000 You gotta get out there. 1.00
01:12:48.000 You gotta get punched in the head. 0.99
01:12:50.000 You gotta ride your motorcycle more than 50 miles an hour. 1.00
01:12:53.000 Yes, you might get hit.
01:12:55.000 That's life.
01:12:56.000 Let's stop being cautious and throw caution to the wind.
01:13:00.000 Safety last.
01:13:01.000 Let's have some color in our lives again.
01:13:03.000 Let's tell some very unfortunate jokes.
01:13:06.000 Let's make people uncomfortable.
01:13:09.000 Let's get confrontational.
01:13:11.000 Let's take some risks.
01:13:12.000 That's what the Western world was built on.
01:13:14.000 It was built on people taking risks.
01:13:17.000 Let's be dangerous.
01:13:18.000 Let's show some grit. 1.00
01:13:20.000 Let's fuck up. 1.00
01:13:22.000 Let's get embarrassed. 1.00
01:13:24.000 Let's humiliate ourselves.
01:13:27.000 It's worth it.
01:13:28.000 It's fun. 0.99
01:13:31.000 Stand-up comedy is easy if you don't give a shit what people think. 0.99
01:13:35.000 Going to a party is fun if you don't care if you get kicked out. 1.00
01:13:38.000 Get kicked out! 0.96
01:13:40.000 If a party sucks, antagonize people so much you get kicked out. 1.00
01:13:45.000 And if your job sucks, get fired. 1.00
01:13:47.000 I like you more than a friend. 1.00
01:13:49.000 I'll see you mundane.
01:13:51.000 And special thanks to BetDSI for contributing to this podcast.
01:13:56.000 I like you more than a friend.
01:13:57.000 Goodbye.