Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - #149 | I broke into the train yards the other day, allegedly

00:00:00.000 I broke into the train yards yesterday.

00:00:03.000 Allegedly, this is alleged, this cannot be used as a confession and used against me in a court of law.

00:00:13.000 This could be satire and is therefore not credible evidence in a court of law.

00:00:20.000 Anyway, back to my story.

00:00:21.000 Oh, and here's another thing too.

00:00:23.000 This is going to be a short one.

00:00:24.000 It's not, we're not having video of this.

00:00:26.000 That starts this Thursday and this Thursday the podcast will be on video on freespeech.tv and it'll be still free for audio, but I'm not doing these Monday shows anymore.

00:00:38.000 I want people to start migrating over to freespeech.tv. 0.92

00:00:42.000 I'm giving out too much free shit.

00:00:43.000 So, to be clear, peace and love. 0.98

00:00:47.000 Peace and love.

00:00:48.000 The only free podcast is going to be Thursdays, and that's audio.

00:00:54.000 And you will be able to call in starting this Thursday.

00:00:58.000 On freespeech.tv, that podcast will also be a vidcast where you can see us talking about all this crap.

00:01:07.000 And if you want more G-Dog, you're going to have to subscribe to freespeech.tv.

00:01:14.000 It's about a maker's mark on the rocks a month.

00:01:17.000 I'm sure you can afford that.

00:01:20.000 Although I'm not sure I can still afford to be drinking makers all the time.

00:01:23.000 So, on Friday night I'm in the city, partying, and if you want to get back to the burbs, again this is not a confession,

00:01:30.000 You got to leave crazy early if you want to get back by train because it's not just like it takes me about three trains to get to Grand Central or sorry two trains to get to Grand Central and then I have to make sure that coincides with the suburbs train.

00:01:43.000 So the trains aren't running at a normal pace.

00:01:45.000 So you have to give yourself like over half an hour to get from Grand Central to it.

00:01:50.000 I mean from Midtown to Grand Central really.

00:01:51.000 So you gotta leave at like 11.

00:01:55.000 So I do that, have some bad luck, get there.

00:01:57.000 Maybe I didn't leave right at 11.

00:01:59.000 Anyway, I miss my 11.39.

00:02:01.000 And the next one's at 12.20.

00:02:02.000 So I look at Uber from Grand Central.

00:02:04.000 It's looking like a hundred bucks.

00:02:06.000 And I think, you know what?

00:02:07.000 I'm not a dummy.

00:02:08.000 I may have been drinking all night, but I'm not spending a hundred bucks to get home.

00:02:13.000 I'll just wait 40 minutes for the train.

00:02:14.000 And the great part is it's New York.

00:02:16.000 So I can find a bar within 20 feet and I'll just sit here and drink.

00:02:20.000 More makers. 0.98

00:02:21.000 So I'm fucking piling them back. 0.99

00:02:23.000 Alone, sitting at the bar, being ugly. 0.99

00:02:26.000 We had a letter to the show, Get Off My Lawn, which is on every day, folks.

00:02:34.000 And it was a woman and her friends rationally explaining that I'm a 6.3 at best, looks wise.

00:02:40.000 So when you're a 6.3 in New York City, and women who are pretty horny in this town because they're running out of time and they're looking for a mate, it's like a bear right before hibernation. 0.93

00:02:51.000 All year round.

00:02:52.000 So they're trying to get some food in them before they go to sleep because they might starve to death.

00:02:56.000 It's not good for women in New York City. 1.00

00:02:59.000 It's an elephant's graveyard for ovaries. 1.00

00:03:01.000 So when a disgusting old man, who I was wearing a shirt, by the way, that said jaw army with Rastafarian epaulets, sits down, they're just like, yeah, no thanks. 0.99

00:03:11.000 I'll just talk to my friends and hope someone less ugly sits down. 1.00

00:03:15.000 So I'm sitting there and I, I time it right.

00:03:17.000 I get the 1220 and I'm looking at my phone and it's, it's a bit of a hike.

00:03:21.000 I'm pretty far out in the burbs and uh, I wake up and I'm at the end of the line, the last station. 0.79

00:03:29.000 So I jump out and I left my phone on the fucking train and I've had this new phone for about four or five days. 0.74

00:03:39.000 I haven't even updated all my passwords on all my various apps. 0.96

00:03:45.000 I get out and I think, well, I'll just wait for a taxi to take me home because I can't call an Uber, right?

00:03:51.000 But there's no taxis.

00:03:53.000 I'm up in New Haven, Connecticut.

00:03:55.000 There's no one around up there.

00:03:57.000 It's rich people land.

00:03:58.000 It's wasps.

00:03:59.000 Wasp-ville.

00:04:00.000 That's an ugly word to say, isn't it?

00:04:01.000 Wasp?

00:04:02.000 Wasp.

00:04:03.000 Crisp.

00:04:04.000 Would you like some crisps?

00:04:05.000 Flask?

00:04:06.000 Would you like a... I took some whiskey out of my flask and then I was parched so I grabbed some crisps and threw them away because I knew they'd make me more parched.

00:04:16.000 My hair was wispy that day.

00:04:20.000 I had, I got wisps of hair in my flask after I ate too many crisps.

00:04:25.000 Ew.

00:04:25.000 Crisps.

00:04:26.000 That is gross. 0.81

00:04:28.000 Imagine your name was crisps. 0.72

00:04:29.000 That's in an episode of Eagle Heart where, what's his name?

00:04:32.000 Chris whatever.

00:04:33.000 Chris Elliott.

00:04:34.000 Chris Elliott.

00:04:35.000 They go, what's your name?

00:04:36.000 And he says Chris without realizing he has to come up with a fake name.

00:04:39.000 So as, as he's saying the word Chris, he comes up with a fake name and he goes, Chris.

00:04:46.000 And then for the rest of that episode, they're like, okay, Crisp, come over here.

00:04:51.000 Anyway, so I need a taxi bad.

00:04:51.000 Crisp.

00:04:54.000 I gotta get home.

00:04:54.000 Meanwhile, I did all this to save a hundred bucks.

00:04:58.000 I probably spent $35.40 at the bar, right?

00:05:03.000 It's gonna cost me $40 to get a taxi back to my stop from where I left off.

00:05:07.000 That's $80.

00:05:09.000 And the train was probably another $10, $90.

00:05:11.000 So I've saved $10 so far. 0.86

00:05:15.000 And that doesn't include the $300.50 phone I just fucking lost. 0.88

00:05:19.000 So I find a cop and she is this smaller than my 12 year old daughter. 0.95

00:05:28.000 And I'm sorry.

00:05:29.000 I've never said this to a lady cops face, but what are you doing?

00:05:32.000 What are you doing in the force?

00:05:33.000 And I'm also sorry.

00:05:33.000 I'm disparaging a cop who helped me out.

00:05:35.000 She called me a taxi.

00:05:36.000 Appreciate it.

00:05:37.000 Appreciate you. 0.98

00:05:38.000 But we've all seen that video where that woman is trying to get that black kid who was riding his bike on the sidewalk, and she's like a short, fat Puerto Rican. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Here in New York, they always get these Puerto Rican women to be cops, and their butts are just like fucking tables. 1.00

00:05:52.000 They look like two chairs stuffed in their pants. 1.00

00:05:54.000 And I find it attractive, sexually, but not authority. 0.83

00:05:59.000 It doesn't make me feel safe to have some bowling pin with little booties on

00:06:05.000 Run around say she's gonna protect me. 0.97

00:06:07.000 Anyway, this one was Asian and She was just so fucking tiny like wasn't there a case there was a case recently Where a cop 1.00

00:06:18.000 Uh, he's dealing with some driver. 1.00

00:06:20.000 He's like, fuck you, you never pull over white people, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:06:20.000 He's a black dude. 1.00

00:06:23.000 And it was getting more and more escalated. 0.93

00:06:24.000 He's like, give me your license, get out of the car.

00:06:26.000 He won't get out of the car. 1.00

00:06:27.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Eventually the guy grabs him and rips him out of the car. 1.00

00:06:30.000 And it wasn't a dangerous situation. 0.99

00:06:31.000 It was just like a total arrogant bratty dick who needed to be handcuffed, but he wasn't going to kill any cops. 0.99

00:06:39.000 And she goes, he's wrestling, it's a male cop and a female cop. 0.99

00:06:43.000 He's wrestling, he gets the guy to the ground, and he's in control of the situation.

00:06:47.000 She's like, stop resisting, I'll tase you!

00:06:49.000 Stop resisting, I'll tase you! 1.00

00:06:50.000 The dumb bitch pulled out her gun. 1.00

00:06:53.000 And she goes, oh shit, I shot him. 1.00

00:06:56.000 And you hear that on the body cam. 1.00

00:06:59.000 Oh shit, I shot him. 0.99

00:07:03.000 Here, I'll find it and send it to you. 1.00

00:07:06.000 I shot him. 0.99

00:07:08.000 I shot the sheriff. 0.97

00:07:11.000 And I did not shoot the deputy. 0.99

00:07:14.000 Well, you're still a pretty bad guy, dude. 0.83

00:07:16.000 I don't care how many cops you shot, you're still going to jail.

00:07:22.000 And I think she was acquitted because he was resisting arrest in an almost violent way, but the city's going to get sued to high hell.

00:07:29.000 And I talked to another cop about this.

00:07:32.000 And he said he used to work with a tiny woman as his partner, and it was hell, especially domestics, because she would just get all ornery. 1.00

00:07:43.000 Now, a domestic is the most dangerous situation a cop can be in, because say I'm at a fight in a bar, and the cops show up, and the fight was about someone spilling my girl's drink.

00:07:53.000 Do I really wanna go to the tombs for this? 0.96

00:07:55.000 I don't fucking, no, no thanks. 0.97

00:07:57.000 Yes, officer, you're right, I'm sorry. 0.99

00:07:59.000 Won't happen again, or I'll just poop out the back.

00:08:01.000 Um, but if it's a domestic and she's gonna charge you with domestic violence, you're never gonna see your kids again, you guys are getting divorced, your life's already over.

00:08:12.000 And some cop is gonna intimidate you? 1.00

00:08:13.000 Fuck you, pig. 1.00

00:08:14.000 Let's do this. 1.00

00:08:15.000 And he tells me stories about domestics where they would... Did I talk about this already?

00:08:19.000 Putting your t-shirt on your head?

00:08:21.000 I vaguely remember that, yeah.

00:08:23.000 To block you from the mason?

00:08:24.000 There was a private conversation, actually.

00:08:24.000 He was going to get pepper sprayed?

00:08:26.000 He was going to get pepper sprayed? 1.00

00:08:27.000 And the guy, the cop who's telling me this story, by the way, is a fucking giant. 0.99

00:08:31.000 They call him Juggernaut, because he looks exactly like Juggernaut. 0.99

00:08:36.000 So he has to fight these guys. 0.99

00:08:37.000 So the last thing you want to do is have some tiny little bitch screaming, what you gonna do? 1.00

00:08:41.000 Get down! 1.00

00:08:42.000 Get down now! 0.98

00:08:43.000 In a situation where the guy feels like he has absolutely nothing left to lose.

00:08:48.000 It's at the very end.

00:08:51.000 And so what he would do is, when they would get a domestic, he would call for backup before they even got there. 0.99

00:08:57.000 Because he knew shit was going to go down and it was going to be horrible. 0.96

00:09:00.000 And then she would get all pissed off at him for calling for backup, but he's like, uh, let's just see how this plays out. 0.99

00:09:07.000 I have a funny feeling we'll be needing it.

00:09:09.000 And they always needed it.

00:09:12.000 So... Oh, there he is, taking the guy to the car.

00:09:19.000 Why would she do that, Doctor? 1.00

00:09:22.000 Here, play that again. 0.51

00:09:23.000 It's very subtle.

00:09:25.000 You hear that? 1.00

00:09:27.000 Oh shit, I shot him! 1.00

00:09:29.000 It was right in the fucking back, too. 1.00

00:09:31.000 It's lucky he lived. 0.98

00:09:33.000 Anyway, this is really cryptic and horrible what I'm about to say, so hold on to your hat.

00:09:40.000 While I was talking to her, I was drunk out of my mind, obviously.

00:09:43.000 I slept to the end of the line.

00:09:44.000 Um, part of me was like, I could knock this girl out. 1.00

00:09:49.000 Now, I'm not gonna do that, but... 0.99

00:09:52.000 But when someone comes up to your nipples, and they're a little tiny Asian woman, it flashes through your mind. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Just like, say, someone was dressed in a French maid costume on Halloween, and she could be asking for directions. 1.00

00:10:06.000 The back of your head's gonna think about fucking her, just because she's dressed like that. 1.00

00:10:09.000 It's gonna pop in. 1.00

00:10:10.000 You're not gonna do anything about it.

00:10:11.000 But, you know, your brain is constantly moving.

00:10:14.000 The synapses are going.

00:10:15.000 And this is a woman in a position of authority. 0.99

00:10:17.000 She's meant to control society. 1.00

00:10:19.000 We hired her.

00:10:21.000 To make sure everything runs smoothly. 0.97

00:10:23.000 She's the boss and she has a gun that can kill people on her at the time. 1.00

00:10:27.000 She's the top of the authority chain, really.

00:10:29.000 I mean, I'm sure a judge is and the president is, but I don't come across judges and presidents.

00:10:33.000 So as far as my day-to-day life, this figure has the most authority in my life.

00:10:38.000 And I know how to knock people out, especially five foot two people who are frail little skinny women. 1.00

00:10:46.000 And so it goes to your mind like, pop! 0.98

00:10:47.000 I could just pop her in the chin and run away or take her gun or whatever. 0.96

00:10:51.000 You can fight the law and have the law not win.

00:10:55.000 So I was disturbed when that thought flashed through my head but then I thought what about someone who's a criminal and who's drunk or on crack or something or she's about to arrest him or she's she asked for his ID and he knows he has warrants out and if she checks his warrants he's going back to Rikers for another year and a half probably most of which will be solitary.

00:11:16.000 He's gonna knock her out! 1.00

00:11:20.000 It reminds me of this young woman who just died and I mean all due respect to the dead I'm sorry to bring this up, but she was killed in a domestic Just the other day.

00:11:30.000 I forget where it was.

00:11:31.000 I can't look it up on my phone because my phone's lost but I looked at the pictures of her and She must be five feet tall Like what is she doing going to domestics in the first place? 1.00

00:11:44.000 She's tiny

00:11:46.000 You know, we keep having these women in these dangerous situations. 1.00

00:11:48.000 That's the problem with all this empowerment. 1.00

00:11:50.000 Girls kick ass. 1.00

00:11:51.000 Girls rock. 1.00

00:11:52.000 And now they want to fight you.

00:11:54.000 Could it be this rookie Sacramento officer shot dead as she helps women during domestic violence called?

00:11:59.000 Okay.

00:11:59.000 Yes.

00:12:00.000 Look at her.

00:12:02.000 She looks like your sister.

00:12:03.000 I don't have a sister.

00:12:08.000 So anyway, um, yes I do.

00:12:10.000 I get the taxi back.

00:12:12.000 What are you doing?

00:12:12.000 Playing that?

00:12:14.000 A rookie police officer was gunned down responding to a domestic violence call.

00:12:19.000 Tara O'Sullivan is the first officer killed in the line of duty in Sacramento in 20 years.

00:12:25.000 Jamie Ucas is there.

00:12:27.000 We're devastated tonight.

00:12:29.000 Officer Tara Christina O'Sullivan gave her young life while protecting our community.

00:12:34.000 The nightmare... Alright, you know how it goes.

00:12:39.000 I don't know, man.

00:12:40.000 I think affirmative action has damaged a lot of things.

00:12:42.000 It's hurt the economy and everything, but it's hard to find places where it's more dangerous than cops and firemen.

00:12:48.000 Can you carry a 200-pound person on your back?

00:12:52.000 No?

00:12:52.000 Well, then you can't work here in the fire department.

00:12:55.000 And your partner doesn't want to be working with you because you can't carry him on your back back down the stairs. 0.99

00:13:01.000 And with cops, it's a violent fucking job. 0.98

00:13:03.000 And I know, like, that just said there hasn't been a death in the police force in 20 years in Sacramento, but 0.99

00:13:10.000 It's possible.

00:13:12.000 Just because you don't have a lot of people dying in your job doesn't mean it's not a dangerous job.

00:13:15.000 It could mean that the police are just good at fighting this danger.

00:13:20.000 I mean, talk to cops in the South Bronx and they're dealing with gunshots on an almost daily basis.

00:13:26.000 And they just don't get shot because they're good at it and they're cautious and they're strong.

00:13:30.000 Cops have to fight. 1.00

00:13:32.000 Cops get in fistfights all the fucking time. 0.99

00:13:35.000 Much more so in the 80s and 90s. 0.99

00:13:37.000 But still, to this day, you're going to be in a fight.

00:13:40.000 Women aren't as good at fighting as men. 1.00

00:13:42.000 They have less upper body strength.

00:13:44.000 So why did you choose a career where you're constantly fighting people?

00:13:49.000 That's not safe for you! 1.00

00:13:52.000 Boy, cops are fucked these days. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Not only do we have all this bullshit where some tiny little girl is next to you, in a super dangerous situation, having your back, but then we also have this culture where they say cops are hunting criminals and black people, and they're totally evil and racist, and they always react violently, and you're gonna get shot anyway. 1.00

00:14:11.000 Actually, that woman who said, holy shit, I shot him, is a combination of the two problems. 1.00

00:14:16.000 One is criminals and people of color, I'm sorry to say, assuming that the cops are out to kill them and totally overreacting and not complying and resisting. 1.00

00:14:29.000 And then incompetent female cops who can't handle the adrenaline rush and shit their pants. 1.00

00:14:34.000 And that makes it even more dangerous. 1.00

00:14:37.000 How about the truth?

00:14:40.000 So anyway, I take my taxi home, disappointed in the G, and the next day I do find my iPhone, and it shows it's at the end of the line.

00:14:52.000 And I don't know, I think sometimes your brain can't handle the truth, so your brain hands you a bone, and it says, you know what's gonna happen, dude?

00:15:01.000 You're gonna go up to that train station, and there's gonna be a sweet old man with a little train conductor hat, like in a children's book, and there'll be lots of oak.

00:15:08.000 It'll be a little wood console.

00:15:11.000 And it'll be all worn out, because it's from the 1800s.

00:15:13.000 You'll go there, and you'll say, Hey, I... And he goes, I think I know what you're gonna say, sonny.

00:15:19.000 You forgot your phone?

00:15:20.000 Come on in, pal.

00:15:22.000 And then he gives you the phone.

00:15:24.000 And there it is, and you charge it up, and everything's fine.

00:15:26.000 You go, thanks, mister.

00:15:27.000 Here, here's 20 bucks.

00:15:29.000 Ha ha, no thanks, I'm not allowed to take money.

00:15:31.000 You have a good day, boy.

00:15:33.000 So, I get there.

00:15:34.000 There's no little old man.

00:15:37.000 It's at the yards.

00:15:39.000 It's not the last station. 1.00

00:15:41.000 By the way, no fantasy is complete without having to not spend your imaginary money on this imaginary miracle, you cheap bastard. 0.99

00:15:48.000 Scottish person's fantasies always end with someone refusing a tip. 0.99

00:15:55.000 So, I get to the yards and it is Fort fucking Knox. 0.97

00:16:00.000 Again, this is not a confession, this could all be a lie. 0.97

00:16:03.000 And the parking lot itself is all gates and fences.

00:16:07.000 We're good to go.

00:16:24.000 So that's not happening but it's so frustrating to see on your computer at the Dunkin Donuts that it's right 50 feet from me and I just can't have it and I gotta go through all this paperwork and you can imagine how long I'd be on hold waiting to talk to someone.

00:16:44.000 So I think maybe I can case the joint.

00:16:49.000 So I start walking around the circumference of the yards and I notice that there's this sort of stone wall and tons of weed and prickly bushes and stuff but there doesn't seem to be a fence there.

00:17:01.000 It's kind of a hole in the plot.

00:17:03.000 Hey guys at the yards you may want to just walk around the total perimeter of your establishment and make sure there's not beautiful stone steps.

00:17:12.000 That's right.

00:17:33.000 I like saying caboose.

00:17:34.000 It's much better than crisps, isn't it?

00:17:36.000 Caboose is nice.

00:17:37.000 You know what they say on Wikipedia?

00:17:39.000 The nicest use of the English language is cellar door.

00:17:43.000 I've heard that, yeah.

00:17:45.000 I'll take a caboose over a cellar door any day.

00:17:49.000 Big caboose girls, you make this rockin' world go round! 1.00

00:17:54.000 Um, so I, it's got a bunch of different handles and I turn them all and then the main one, I have to climb up.

00:18:01.000 So now I'm getting dirty, right? 0.98

00:18:03.000 I have to climb up this dirty, oily, shitty train. 0.99

00:18:06.000 I'm at the very back. 0.97

00:18:07.000 I open it up, it opens up and it kind of makes sense that they don't lock, right?

00:18:11.000 There's probably some sort of fire hazard thing.

00:18:13.000 You can't ever have these doors closing in cases of firing people.

00:18:16.000 Or if you lock someone in, maybe.

00:18:17.000 Yeah.

00:18:18.000 Like gray, white.

00:18:19.000 Remember that band who everyone suffocated from the fire?

00:18:22.000 So I start looking at all the seats in each car and there's beer there and I see a newspaper and I pick up the newspaper and it says Friday.

00:18:30.000 So this is Saturday morning.

00:18:32.000 So I know I'm on the right train.

00:18:33.000 It's not something that's been there for weeks, right?

00:18:35.000 It's yesterday's paper.

00:18:37.000 And I check all the seats, but I also check the ground.

00:18:40.000 And that's making me more dirty.

00:18:42.000 So then I do that entire train, which is about 20 cars, and as I'm walking down the length of the train, I see the train next to me has its doors open, like the doors you get in are open on this side.

00:18:54.000 So after I'm done the train, I go, well, I could crawl in between these two dirty cars, get even filthier, then crawl up between those, and then I could crawl into the big open door.

00:19:05.000 So after I check train A, I go to train B and check it.

00:19:08.000 And my heart's kind of pounding, too, because this is a felony.

00:19:12.000 And I'm sort of going, whoo, adrenaline control.

00:19:15.000 Boxing comes in handy here.

00:19:17.000 Take it down a notch, dude.

00:19:18.000 You're breaking the law.

00:19:19.000 You have a great story.

00:19:20.000 You're not a criminal.

00:19:21.000 You don't have a paint can in your hand or a bomb.

00:19:25.000 And I do the whole other train. 0.98

00:19:28.000 It's not fucking there. 0.52

00:19:30.000 Now it hasn't occurred to me at this point that when I, uh, when find your phone says it's at the yards, it means that's the last time we pinged it before it ran out of batteries. 0.94

00:19:42.000 Doesn't mean it's there now.

00:19:45.000 This is the last known location.

00:19:47.000 Once the battery's dead, it can be in Timbuktu. 1.00

00:19:50.000 Shit. 1.00

00:19:52.000 So. 1.00

00:19:55.000 I, uh,

00:19:58.000 I see there's one more train, but it's at the total other end of the yard, right?

00:20:04.000 And that's across maybe seven tracks.

00:20:07.000 Now we're into real felony town.

00:20:09.000 Now you're being seen and no one is on this area without a, you know, a yellow vest and the little conductor hat and all that stuff.

00:20:15.000 No one's wearing a white t-shirt.

00:20:17.000 They're either construction workers or maintenance guys or they ticket collectors.

00:20:21.000 No one is un-uniformed there.

00:20:23.000 I should have actually, I think it would be prudent to buy a construction helmet and a yellow vest for situations like this.

00:20:31.000 Although that probably increases your felony quite a bit.

00:20:34.000 Makes you look a little more premeditated.

00:20:36.000 So, you ever watch the show Locked Up Abroad?

00:20:40.000 Yep.

00:20:40.000 It's a show about this guy who locked up some chick.

00:20:44.000 No.

00:20:46.000 It's always the same story with Locked Up Abroad. 0.97

00:20:48.000 It's so fucking stressful to watch. 0.77

00:20:50.000 But it's like we smuggled all this hash from Indonesia once and we made $3,000 and then we were living large and I had been broke for a long time. 0.86

00:20:58.000 Okay, please don't do that again.

00:21:00.000 And then they do it again.

00:21:01.000 And you're like, Jesus Christ.

00:21:03.000 Now we had 6,000 and things were cooking and we were done.

00:21:06.000 We thought, all right, that's enough.

00:21:07.000 But then our connection, it's always some weird white Danish dude said, let's do one more big one, biggie. 0.58

00:21:14.000 And you can do 16 grand.

00:21:15.000 It's always a crazy one.

00:21:16.000 Now here's what I think. 0.98

00:21:18.000 I think the authorities have deals with the drug dealers where they say, if you can get me a $16,000 bust, like a big amount of heroin, I'll let a bunch of shit go. 0.99

00:21:29.000 So I look good to the politicians cause I'm busting major shit. 0.97

00:21:33.000 And that means I'll let a bunch of little stuff go. 0.99

00:21:36.000 So they seduce these dummies and say, um, get them with two, three thousanders. 1.00

00:21:45.000 And then they hit them with the 16,000.

00:21:48.000 So that last train was my $16,000.

00:21:50.000 And whenever you're watching the show, you go, don't do it, don't do it!

00:21:52.000 Look, God gave you a few chances.

00:21:55.000 That's it.

00:21:56.000 Get in and get out.

00:21:56.000 It's like a pyramid scheme.

00:21:58.000 You get in, you take advantage of the crazy interest rates, and you get out because it's illegal.

00:22:03.000 You're doing something illegal. 1.00

00:22:05.000 But I just thought, fuck it. 1.00

00:22:07.000 Maybe I still had a buzz from the night before. 1.00

00:22:10.000 And I said, I have to check this last train. 0.99

00:22:13.000 I want my fucking phone. 0.99

00:22:14.000 And it's not the money. 1.00

00:22:16.000 It's the hours and hours. 0.99

00:22:17.000 Like even today, I was calling the Apple Store and Verizon and all this shit. 0.95

00:22:22.000 And it was just so long. 0.53

00:22:24.000 And do you have your PIN number?

00:22:25.000 And do you know the serial code?

00:22:27.000 Who knows the serial number of anything?

00:22:30.000 I could look at it if I had it, but then we wouldn't be talking.

00:22:34.000 So I get to the last train, and uh... This is the even stupider part. 0.98

00:22:41.000 I see the ticket collector go in between the two cars. 0.98

00:22:44.000 This train is occupied, McInnes.

00:22:47.000 But then still, just like locked up abroad. 0.96

00:22:50.000 Cause they'll say in locked up abroad, they go, well, I knew it was, we were past the point of no return and they just dropped me off at the airport and I just put my fucking giant gym bag on the conveyor.

00:23:00.000 And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 0.78

00:23:01.000 That's what I was doing.

00:23:03.000 And she always goes, it was too late now.

00:23:04.000 And I'm watching the show going, it's not too late now.

00:23:06.000 You're in the airport.

00:23:07.000 Say some guy just gave me this bag, anything.

00:23:11.000 You'll, you'll go to the jail and they'll, they'll deport you, whatever.

00:23:16.000 Say he's lying when he says you're in on it.

00:23:19.000 You haven't smuggled anything yet.

00:23:20.000 I don't think you've done anything illegal. 1.00

00:23:24.000 But I see the guy go through and I go, fuck it. 1.00

00:23:26.000 I can handle this. 1.00

00:23:27.000 And my dad tells me he would do this to himself too sometimes.

00:23:30.000 He would put himself in really shitty situations just to see what his brain would come up with.

00:23:35.000 It was like his brain was a separate entity.

00:23:37.000 And one time he was doing a... He would design military equipment for the American military.

00:23:43.000 Like optic systems for helicopters, whatever.

00:23:46.000 So he's working on one of those projects and they had what they do is they bid low and then like Trump you keep charging more and more and more for over delays and extra work and all you change this we got to charge you more and you end up getting three times the price.

00:24:00.000 So he's doing one of those hustles and he gets there and he goes I don't have a reason why we're charging more and why there's a delay.

00:24:07.000 But let's see what my brain comes up with.

00:24:10.000 So, probably goes out drinking the night before, shows up at this military base, and he says, now, I know you'll be wondering why it is we've had to increase costs and man hours on this particular project.

00:24:25.000 And they go, yeah, we were wondering that, Jim.

00:24:26.000 We had a deal here.

00:24:27.000 And here we are, what is this, another $10,000 again?

00:24:30.000 And he goes, yes, well.

00:24:33.000 And then he goes, all right, brain, what do you got?

00:24:36.000 And guess what brain said?

00:24:38.000 What? 1.00

00:24:38.000 Fuck all. 1.00

00:24:40.000 No. 1.00

00:24:41.000 Brain was like, you know what? 1.00

00:24:42.000 I'm done with this shit. 1.00

00:24:43.000 You think of something for a change. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Why am I Mr. Brains over here?

00:24:47.000 Just because I'm the brains of the operation?

00:24:49.000 I got to be the brains of the operation all the time?

00:24:51.000 Why don't you actually do some homework for a change and stop leaving me my synapses here to use the adrenaline all the time?

00:24:57.000 Oh no.

00:24:57.000 I've always got to kickstart this thing.

00:24:59.000 So he just stared at them, blankly, with nothing to say.

00:25:04.000 And then one of them said, Is it because we changed the optic system to include radar?

00:25:10.000 Yes!

00:25:11.000 And he goes, Precisely.

00:25:12.000 Thank you.

00:25:14.000 Thank you.

00:25:15.000 Finally, someone here knows what's going on and how difficult it is to design an XM1 tank.

00:25:22.000 And he was good.

00:25:23.000 So I didn't have that situation.

00:25:25.000 So I get up there, and I'm in between two cars. 0.98

00:25:29.000 I'm fucking filthy at this point. 0.98

00:25:29.000 I've just crawled. 0.98

00:25:32.000 I look like a coal miner's daughter. 0.95

00:25:34.000 I got black hands. 0.87

00:25:35.000 My pants and shirt have black filth all over them. 0.88

00:25:37.000 My face is seriously chimney sweep levels of filth. 0.99

00:25:41.000 I look racist, actually. 0.99

00:25:43.000 I look like I'm in blackface. 0.71

00:25:44.000 And he was a black guy, so he's like, what you trying to say?

00:25:47.000 No, he was a white guy. 0.51

00:25:48.000 And he just stares at me and I stare at him.

00:25:50.000 And it was like, you know, when you see an animal sometimes in the forest, like a deer, and he's so confused that you just stare at each other because you're both so shocked that another species exists on the same planet. 0.99

00:26:02.000 And he's looking at you going, wow, a fucking human. 0.99

00:26:05.000 And you're going, wow, a fucking deer. 1.00

00:26:07.000 And, uh, so he's staring at me going, wow, a lunatic. 1.00

00:26:10.000 A homeless weirdo has snuck into the yards, is he gonna kill me? 0.94

00:26:14.000 So, the only good news here is I've had a haircut recently, so I don't look that homeless, right? 0.65

00:26:19.000 They usually have dreads.

00:26:21.000 And, uh, I just go, hey!

00:26:24.000 And he's got his big keychain thing and he's just opened some panel or whatever and he goes, he doesn't say anything.

00:26:33.000 And I go, uh, and I try to open the door, but he's now locked it.

00:26:38.000 And, uh, he goes, what are you doing here?

00:26:45.000 And I was like, all right, brain.

00:26:48.000 Um, I went for the $16,000 deal on Indonesian jeopardy and I got no plan B come up with something. 0.98

00:26:57.000 And brain goes, I got this.

00:27:00.000 And he goes, I just woke up.

00:27:03.000 And he says, what?

00:27:05.000 And I go, in that train over there.

00:27:05.000 Where?

00:27:07.000 And I point across the yard to the two trains I had just looked at.

00:27:10.000 Yeah.

00:27:11.000 And he goes, huh?

00:27:14.000 And then he opens the door. 1.00

00:27:15.000 And then I said, and this really helped too, I go, I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:27:20.000 And then that sort of broke the ice. 1.00

00:27:21.000 Murderers tend not to call themselves idiots. 1.00

00:27:23.000 So he opens the door at that point. 1.00

00:27:24.000 He goes, what's going on?

00:27:26.000 I go, I don't, I, I just, I was, I just woke up.

00:27:29.000 I didn't know where I was.

00:27:30.000 I was calling for someone.

00:27:32.000 No.

00:27:32.000 And then I saw you.

00:27:33.000 So I came over here and I, can I get out here?

00:27:37.000 And he goes, no, where were you trying to go?

00:27:39.000 And I'm like, I'm like four or five stops back.

00:27:42.000 And he goes, well, that's good.

00:27:43.000 Cause we're heading there now.

00:27:44.000 Go sit down.

00:27:44.000 I'll drive there and I'll shut my mouth.

00:27:46.000 But you know, and I go, well, can I just get out here actually?

00:27:49.000 And he goes, no, you'll get arrested.

00:27:50.000 It's trespassing.

00:27:52.000 And I realized my car is right over there. 0.91

00:27:54.000 I don't want to fucking take the train all the way back and then have to take it back to my car. 0.83

00:27:59.000 So he goes, just sit down. 0.97

00:28:01.000 And now I also, by the way, want to scour this train because it's the last of the three.

00:28:05.000 And it still hasn't occurred to me that the ping was wrong.

00:28:09.000 It's old news.

00:28:10.000 So I think I'm down to the very last option.

00:28:14.000 But I just said that I woke up and I'm happy to be getting a ride home.

00:28:18.000 I can't be scouring trains, right?

00:28:21.000 I'm a disoriented guy.

00:28:22.000 And then he talks to some other dude and then he comes back and he goes, wait a minute, what train were you on?

00:28:27.000 And I go, the last one last night, which is true because those newspapers said Friday.

00:28:33.000 And he goes, but that was at like two in the morning.

00:28:36.000 And I go, yeah.

00:28:37.000 And he goes, it's 11 a.m.

00:28:39.000 Nine hours sleep and I go I had just fit again my brain saved the day and he goes I just finished a 20 hour shift and I guess I was a lot more tired than I thought.

00:28:49.000 And he just laughs, and then we both laugh at how absurd the situation is, and it is absurd because it's a lie, and I go, and he goes, well you're rested now!

00:28:59.000 And I go, yep, ready to take on the day! 0.92

00:29:01.000 And then we both laugh at what a crazy situation it is being blue collar guys who have to work crazy shifts and occasionally fall asleep on the train, and they're not upper middle class morons who get so drunk they lose their phone trying to save a hundred bucks. 0.94

00:29:15.000 You know what I wish? 0.96

00:29:16.000 That laugh, it's like a tension breaker for you. 1.00

00:29:18.000 It's like, ah, finally, he thinks he's buying the spiel and then he stops laughing and he's like, you're a fucking liar. 1.00

00:29:25.000 You're going to jail, buddy. 1.00

00:29:26.000 Yeah, he's like, you think it's a relief laugh?

00:29:28.000 We have footage of you crawling up and getting on the train.

00:29:31.000 I sit here and watch it all night.

00:29:34.000 That's my job.

00:29:35.000 I'm here to catch you.

00:29:37.000 I've been watching you since you got here.

00:29:38.000 40 minutes ago.

00:29:41.000 So then the train starts up and I realize I don't want to go all the way back home.

00:29:45.000 I got to get my car.

00:29:46.000 Luckily the next stop was, you know, the last stop.

00:29:48.000 So it was only a quarter mile.

00:29:50.000 I get out of the car, I mean out of the train.

00:29:53.000 I go to their lost and found.

00:29:55.000 He says, nope.

00:29:58.000 And I go, he goes, what color is it?

00:29:59.000 He goes, nah, there's no red phone there.

00:29:59.000 I think red.

00:30:02.000 And I'm like, he goes, what was the number?

00:30:03.000 I go 9 1 7.

00:30:04.000 He goes, no, how do you know my number?

00:30:07.000 And I felt like saying, can you just get the basket?

00:30:09.000 And by the way, this wasn't quaint.

00:30:11.000 It was steel and there was plexiglass, bulletproof glass.

00:30:14.000 It was like right out of Total Recall or something.

00:30:16.000 I was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:30:19.000 And I felt like saying, just get the basket, then you can show it to me and I'll prove to you it's mine if it is mine.

00:30:26.000 But no.

00:30:28.000 So then I take a taxi back to my car.

00:30:30.000 That's another $10.

00:30:32.000 And I'm now... I'm now... So that's $3.50 for a new phone plus $100 of bullshit and hours and hours of work.

00:30:40.000 So to not pay $100, I have paid at least five times that. 0.97

00:30:44.000 Yikes. 1.00

00:30:46.000 Pretty stupid, huh? 1.00

00:30:48.000 Again, that probably didn't even happen. 1.00

00:30:51.000 So don't think that you can take me to jail for that alleged confession.

00:30:55.000 That is a fine story that you've just conjured. 0.99

00:30:57.000 That's a silly, silly story. 0.98

00:31:01.000 But I think it's important right now we talk about something that very few men like to talk about, which is erectile dysfunction. 0.98

00:31:09.000 There's two types of erectile dysfunction.

00:31:11.000 There is the kind where you can't... Wait a minute, why won't this open?

00:31:18.000 There's the kind where you can't get it up because you're too wasted.

00:31:21.000 And then there's the kind where you can't get it up because you've done some sort of terrible drugs.

00:31:26.000 But in both those cases, you could be losing the one.

00:31:33.000 You follow me?

00:31:36.000 So I, I remember there was like, I remember this girl, she's one of the, I almost married her.

00:31:40.000 She was number two.

00:31:42.000 And, uh, on our first night, I was not, uh, at bat.

00:31:47.000 I was not ready to rock.

00:31:47.000 I don't know why.

00:31:48.000 It's possible that your brain goes, this isn't some dumb useless slut. 1.00

00:31:52.000 This is actually a big deal. 1.00

00:31:54.000 And you psych yourself out and then you blow it.

00:31:58.000 In which case you're very lucky if she gives you a second chance.

00:32:02.000 One thing I suggest you do is you go down there and perform like a saint.

00:32:05.000 And I've documented this many times on how to perform cunnilingus.

00:32:09.000 You just have to start very, very slow.

00:32:12.000 Don't get too hungry.

00:32:16.000 Another solution to this problem is to have Blue Chew at hand.

00:32:21.000 So right now we've got a special deal for our listeners.

00:32:23.000 Visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our special promo code GAVIN. 0.96

00:32:29.000 So that's free dick pills.

00:32:32.000 You just pay the $5 shipping. 0.97

00:32:34.000 That's B-L-U-E CHEW, C-H-E-W dot com promo code GAVIN to try it free.

00:32:43.000 All you do is pay the shipping.

00:32:45.000 And you just keep that in your wallet for emergencies.

00:32:48.000 Also, older dudes, I think we've forgotten that when you used to call it a wood, it was actually pretty accurate.

00:32:56.000 Now I would call it a slightly frozen jujube.

00:33:00.000 A gummy bear that was left in the snow for maybe 20 minutes.

00:33:06.000 From wood to cardboard, a Bluetooth story.

00:33:11.000 It's the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast.

00:33:16.000 It's great if you're married and stuff and you want to make sure that everything goes great, that one time you get a babysitter during the week.

00:33:21.000 But I would think it's even more important for young men who are out there looking for Mrs. Right.

00:33:41.000 And you want to dazzle.

00:33:43.000 In fact, I think with that girl, I ordered some Viagra online, which was insanely expensive.

00:33:49.000 It was like $25 a pill.

00:33:51.000 And I made sure the next five were out of the park.

00:33:54.000 Insane.

00:33:55.000 Perfect super lays.

00:33:59.000 They're made in the USA and since Bluetooth prepares and ships direct, they're cheaper than a pharmacy.

00:34:06.000 BlueChew brings you the first chewable with the same FDA-approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, so you know they work.

00:34:13.000 But it's not the same price, especially when you buy that stuff online.

00:34:16.000 It's insanely expensive, Viagra and Cialis.

00:34:22.000 Again, we cannot promise or guarantee results, and we're not saying it cures a disease.

00:34:25.000 I gotta throw that in there.

00:34:27.000 But go to bluechew.com and at least try it.

00:34:30.000 So it's in your wallet for emergency purposes. 0.99

00:34:34.000 Alright, should we go to the mailbag or are you playing a fucking video game this whole show? 1.00

00:34:38.000 Both. 0.99

00:34:39.000 We should also play the mailbag.

00:34:42.000 Why do you play video games?

00:34:44.000 Because it makes me feel like I can complete a task properly.

00:34:47.000 Why not complete a task properly?

00:34:48.000 Like, say, have the mailbag thing ready.

00:34:51.000 Why isn't that just on your desktop?

00:34:54.000 That's a great idea.

00:34:55.000 But I already told you that idea an hour ago.

00:34:57.000 Right.

00:34:58.000 No, stop.

00:34:58.000 Close that.

00:35:00.000 You want me to actually do it?

00:35:01.000 Literally do it.

00:35:02.000 Don't sit there and say it's a great idea, man.

00:35:06.000 Thanks for the tip.

00:35:07.000 Got it.

00:35:08.000 That's what she said. 1.00

00:35:09.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad. 0.99

00:35:13.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag. 1.00

00:35:19.000 Let me touch it.

00:35:22.000 Hey, Gavin, in the 2005 Vice Guide to Picking Up Chicks, wow, that was a long ass time ago, you suggested beating off to a girl you're into because it sends magical wank vibes into the cosmos.

00:35:33.000 I stole that tip, by the way, from Derek Beckles. 0.89

00:35:39.000 Since your team no wanks now, I'm against beating off to porn, which the left hates, by the way.

00:35:44.000 They make that into a thing.

00:35:46.000 Like, he tells his followers they may not beat off.

00:35:49.000 What?

00:35:52.000 Um, is there anything you'd recommend to replace this crucial step? 0.99

00:35:55.000 Also, I'm starting a punk band called Accidental Anal, since my friends think I accidentally stuck it in a girl's ass last week. 0.95

00:36:00.000 Personally, I like the name, so I'm gonna go along with it. 0.99

00:36:02.000 But they're just fags who are grossed out by that for some reason. 1.00

00:36:05.000 Sounds homophobic of them. 0.99

00:36:08.000 Uh, no, but Derek also had another tip that was involved in the wanks thing where you just pretend it's your girlfriend.

00:36:15.000 And so when you walk up to her in your head, you brainwash yourself into thinking you guys live together and this is your third date.

00:36:22.000 So when you see her, you're just like, Hey Jen, how you doing?

00:36:24.000 Huh?

00:36:25.000 Okay.

00:36:25.000 Uh, we should probably get going and blah, blah, blah.

00:36:27.000 All right.

00:36:27.000 Yeah.

00:36:28.000 Did you bring your keys?

00:36:29.000 Yeah.

00:36:29.000 Okay.

00:36:31.000 That's just your demeanor because you guys are madly in love.

00:36:34.000 You're an item.

00:36:36.000 Also, 1.00

00:36:38.000 As you may have seen in my hit film how to be a man there's always shitty tits where you pretend that her breasts are just grotesque and you feel much more comfortable going out up to her because she's obviously lonely because she can't hold down a relationship because of those disgusting wart laden tits with hairy nipples and no meat in them. 1.00

00:36:56.000 You actually feel good about yourself because you're talking to a freak. 1.00

00:37:01.000 And you're like, I'm a sweet person to treat this woman like a human being and not a circus sideshow. 0.99

00:37:10.000 Also, the accidentally putting it in the butt, that's what Mattress Girl was all about, by the way. 0.99

00:37:14.000 That's why she ruined that guy's life. 1.00

00:37:17.000 Because he said, she said he put it in the butt and he wasn't supposed to. 0.97

00:37:22.000 And after she said, whoa, wrong hole, he kept going. 0.57

00:37:25.000 For a few too many pumps. 1.00

00:37:26.000 Meanwhile, he has texts of her saying to him, I want you to fuck me in the ass. 1.00

00:37:31.000 So not the strongest case in the world, which is why the MIPD told her to fuck off. 1.00

00:37:35.000 And she decided, oh well, I'll just ruin his life via social media. 1.00

00:37:38.000 Then I don't have to worry about the police.

00:37:40.000 And when asked why she didn't go to the police, she didn't tell the truth, which is the police told me I better watch it or I'm going to be in big trouble for lying.

00:37:47.000 She said, there's no perfect victims and the police made me feel uncomfortable.

00:37:52.000 Meanwhile, Mindy Kaling had a sitcom where the guy, what's his name, Ben Novak Jr., who was one of the producers of The Office, his character did exactly that and it was a super funny jokey episode.

00:38:10.000 What's his name?

00:38:11.000 Novak?

00:38:11.000 BJ Novak.

00:38:13.000 The BJ Novak character put it in her butt and he says it was an accident and she doubts it was and the rest of the episode she's walking like with her butt away from him in a comical way. 0.95

00:38:24.000 So it's amazing how we can keep moving the goalposts with these particular things depending what the latest social media trend is. 0.93

00:38:31.000 Um, this is Misha from California.

00:38:33.000 Hey Gab, so I recently met this chick. 0.99

00:38:35.000 She is 8.5 in my opinion, and everything is going great.

00:38:38.000 But we are in California, and of course she's on the woke wagon.

00:38:42.000 She's also bisexual, and looks like she's very proud of her queer identity. 0.99

00:38:46.000 But I don't mind, as long as we are enjoying hot sex together. 0.99

00:38:49.000 Anyway, I consider myself a liberal, just I'm not okay with all this crazy progressive nonsense, but I've been avoiding politics as much as I can. 0.92

00:38:56.000 I don't know, though, for how much longer we can do this.

00:39:00.000 I know your wife is a liberal, so maybe you have some tips for me?

00:39:04.000 I like your new pink Fred Perry sweater, and your new website is gorgeous!

00:39:09.000 Um, I would just avoid it, Misha. 1.00

00:39:11.000 Like, why does it have to come up?

00:39:14.000 You're not, you guys aren't starting a political talk show together.

00:39:17.000 So I would avoid politics if you're courting ladies. 0.97

00:39:20.000 You gotta get them in.

00:39:20.000 I remember there was this enforcer who worked for my friend Robbie Dillon up in Montreal when he was a loan shark and he was Russian.

00:39:27.000 I think he's in jail now, or prison, sorry, for a double homicide.

00:39:30.000 but he told me this long story once where he said the way that you find the woman the way you caught the woman is you say everything is okay no problem so when she comes she say oh we get dinner you say yeah that's great and then she doesn't show up or she's maybe one hour late you say no problem okay whatever said hey i'm gonna go all my friends tonight i'm sorry i said we said we'd see movie but we can't see it tonight you go okay whatever babe see you later call give me a call when you can

00:39:57.000 Um, and you just keep making everything A-OK, right?

00:40:02.000 And if she'd like to have sex, if yes, if not, then that's cool, man.

00:40:06.000 And you keep going and you keep going with this.

00:40:08.000 Maybe it take two months.

00:40:10.000 I'm doing Italian and Russian at the same time.

00:40:13.000 And maybe it take two months.

00:40:14.000 And then one day she say, I love you.

00:40:17.000 And then he gets super mad. 1.00

00:40:18.000 I'm not going to do it in the studio, but he goes, then you turn around and you fuck her in the ass for all the bullshit she put you through. 1.00

00:40:27.000 That was his advice. 1.00

00:40:28.000 I think that's a little extreme, but I also think the general gist of the advice is pretty good, which is, uh, just bide your time.

00:40:41.000 Take it easy.

00:40:43.000 You know, I'm trying to find my next.

00:40:46.000 Yeah.

00:40:47.000 Uh,

00:40:50.000 Naomi Schaefer Riley wrote this great column once about how the problem with marriage these days is everyone's looking for their soulmate. 0.94

00:40:56.000 She doesn't have to be your soulmate.

00:40:58.000 My wife is a liberal, voted for Hillary. 0.99

00:41:00.000 She's pro-choice, vegan. 1.00

00:41:02.000 We disagree on a hell of a lot of shit. 1.00

00:41:04.000 She's an Indian. 1.00

00:41:06.000 And my philosophy with the Indians is we fought you for 400 years and eventually we won. 1.00

00:41:10.000 We didn't steal shit. 0.99

00:41:12.000 She has a different attitude. 1.00

00:41:13.000 She's like, no, you guys played dirty pool. 0.95

00:41:16.000 It doesn't come up.

00:41:17.000 We got kids to talk about.

00:41:19.000 Are we going to go to my boy's baseball game later on?

00:41:21.000 Should we carpool? 1.00

00:41:23.000 There's plenty of shit to talk about. 1.00

00:41:24.000 Don't get involved in politics. 1.00

00:41:26.000 In fact, in Charles Murray's book, The Curmudgeon's Guide to Getting Ahead, he talks about things that are much more important like punctuality.

00:41:33.000 Is she a neat freak? 1.00

00:41:35.000 Does she like to party? 0.88

00:41:36.000 Does she drink?

00:41:37.000 There's a million other things that affect your day-to-day much more seriously than if she likes Trump.

00:41:42.000 And again, you know what?

00:41:43.000 I'm going to talk about this on Thursday's podcast.

00:41:46.000 Truth is based on information.

00:41:48.000 I don't believe in opinions anymore.

00:41:50.000 I think, if you think that something happened, it's up to the preponderance of evidence to decide if it happened. 0.97

00:41:56.000 For example, at my kid's baseball game on Saturday, there was this coach, and he was being a dick, and our team was losing, and after one of our main guys struck out, he's a beast, and a total animal, and we kind of rely on him for a lot of our hitting, and he struck out, and for maybe three seconds, he held the bat against his forehead, like, are you a dummy? 1.00

00:42:17.000 Dammit! 1.00

00:42:18.000 What's the matter with me? 1.00

00:42:19.000 Perfectly legit.

00:42:20.000 I'm literally three seconds at the most.

00:42:23.000 And the coach goes, let's go.

00:42:24.000 Come on.

00:42:24.000 Let's go.

00:42:26.000 Okay.

00:42:27.000 That pissed us off.

00:42:28.000 And then later one of the kids took too long to get to the plate.

00:42:32.000 I think he was reluctant because it was basis loaded and we were down one and he knew there was a lot of pressure on him and he wasn't into it.

00:42:37.000 These kids are 10 and he goes, let's move.

00:42:39.000 Let's move.

00:42:40.000 Come on.

00:42:41.000 That's twice.

00:42:42.000 He told our boys to move it.

00:42:44.000 So we're getting pissed off here.

00:42:46.000 We haven't said anything yet though.

00:42:48.000 And then his boy, I think it was his actual son, goes to bunt. 0.97

00:42:53.000 Probably because he can't hit.

00:42:54.000 And bunting isn't as easy as everyone says it is.

00:42:56.000 So it ricochets off the bat and hits his chest, and he just collapses to the ground and starts wailing. 0.99

00:43:01.000 And I'm not crying loudly, but he was being a pussy about it. 0.99

00:43:04.000 So the coach runs over, and they're sitting there, and they're, are you okay? 0.99

00:43:08.000 And then he's with them, and at one point, they're holding his arm and lifting it up and down like you would if someone had a car accident. 0.97

00:43:15.000 Like, what the fuck are we doing here?

00:43:15.000 Are you checking if his arm is broken from a pitch that was probably 40 miles an hour?

00:43:19.000 These are kids, remember?

00:43:21.000 And so our coach sort of mumbles to another one of our coaches, oh, I thought we were in a hurry here.

00:43:27.000 And the coach goes ballistic, and he's like, I'm trying to deal with my boy here that's messed up, and you're screaming at him to hurry up! 0.99

00:43:34.000 I never seen any shit like that before in my life! 0.99

00:43:37.000 And then at the end of the game, we ended up winning, by the way, 7-6, they come out to shake hands, and instead of shaking his hand, the mean coach grabbed our coach and goes, I never seen shit like that before in my life! 0.99

00:43:50.000 And then our coach is pretty zen. 0.98

00:43:52.000 He's just like, don't yell at my boys.

00:43:54.000 Don't yell at my boys.

00:43:56.000 So it was almost a fight.

00:43:57.000 And then my wife starts recording it.

00:43:59.000 And the other couples, the other moms were like, oh, you didn't record it when he was screaming at our kid after he was hurt.

00:44:06.000 And then the other moms were like, that's not how it went down. 0.93

00:44:09.000 Now, I just told you how it went down, right? 1.00

00:44:12.000 I guarantee if you talk to any of those parents, their version of the story is that their coach was just being normal, and then when one of their kids got hit, we all started yelling at him and saying, move it, move it, stop being a pussy! 1.00

00:44:24.000 And that's the truth that will go in their history books. 1.00

00:44:27.000 Whereas I just told you the truth.

00:44:30.000 And that's going down in my history books.

00:44:33.000 You know, I was talking to Sarah Silverman recently about this and I was, we hadn't spoken in a long time and she's like, are you still like this and like that?

00:44:39.000 I'm like, yeah, but that's, she's like, we're living in a terrible time in America and, you know, abortion rights. 0.95

00:44:44.000 I go, most, almost half women are pro-life. 0.99

00:44:47.000 So this isn't a woman thing. 1.00

00:44:49.000 It's an ethics thing.

00:44:50.000 And she goes, whatever, we're never going to agree.

00:44:52.000 Why bother?

00:44:52.000 And I go, yes, we are.

00:44:54.000 It's the truth is there.

00:44:56.000 It's just a matter of the data. 0.98

00:44:58.000 So if someone hates Trump or doesn't want smaller government or thinks cops are murderers, or doesn't give a shit about the working class and wants open borders and all that, it's not that they have a different opinion than you. 0.98

00:45:10.000 It's that they know less than you. 0.98

00:45:13.000 They don't have the whole truth.

00:45:15.000 So if a woman is being a woke weirdo, who's really powerful, thinks her veganism is really powerful, she's just not informed. 0.84

00:45:24.000 So don't waste your time trying to convince her that vegans aren't going to save the world.

00:45:28.000 Just go, Oh, well, she's not, she's not informed.

00:45:31.000 I mean, my area of expertise is seventies punk.

00:45:35.000 I'm not going to not date a woman because she doesn't know who the vibrators are. 1.00

00:45:38.000 I'm going to use a vibrator on her. 1.00

00:45:42.000 And if you don't believe me, then place a bet.

00:45:46.000 And if you want to do that bet, you should do it at BetDSI.

00:45:49.000 You can use your sports knowledge to make some extra cash this week.

00:45:52.000 BetDSI offers online wagering and has been paying winners for 20 years.

00:45:57.000 Use the link betdsi.com slash Gavin to deposit with credit card or even Bitcoin and you get 100% bonus.

00:46:05.000 Just like Bluetooth, I'm offering you free stuff.

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00:46:11.000 That seems pretty awesome to me.

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00:46:18.000 That's more than double your money to start winning today.

00:46:20.000 Also, by using GAVIN you will automatically be granted a free $25 wager.

00:46:26.000 And betting on the Mets this series with the Cubs would have been a hell of a chore.

00:46:30.000 Because I think the Cubs slaughtered us the first game.

00:46:34.000 We slaughtered them the second game.

00:46:36.000 And then the third game we won by a squeak. 0.83

00:46:38.000 And Mickey Calloway was going nuts. 0.99

00:46:41.000 On one journalist calling him a motherfucker and stuff and I think it was the guy who has buttholes for eyes Was threatening to knock him the fuck out Excuse my language, but that's what was going down. 0.99

00:46:53.000 You could have that all could have been money for you What if you bet it's I don't know if you can bet on coaches losing their temper, but it's amazing what you can bet on 0.99

00:47:02.000 You can bet on fighting, NBA, March Madness, NFL, NHL, NCAA football, and all other major sports, politics, reality TV, esports, virtually everything.

00:47:11.000 I think you can bet on when celebrities are gonna die.

00:47:14.000 BetDSI has a very friendly interface and mobile site.

00:47:18.000 BetDSI also has the fastest payouts in the industry.

00:47:21.000 Simply play, win, and get paid.

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00:47:27.000 A lot of people are just signing up, using my promo code, and then not getting anything.

00:47:32.000 All right, folks, so this is the last Monday show of your life.

00:47:34.000 I'm not doing these anymore.

00:47:36.000 From now on, the only thing that's gonna be free is the audio version of this podcast on Thursdays.

00:47:43.000 But if you go to freespeech.tv, you get new content every single day, and it's not just the news show.

00:47:49.000 There's Collins, there's live shows, there's celebrities, there's Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Cynthia Nixon, there's Marc Lamont Hill, there's Cornel West, there's Milo Yiannopoulos,

00:48:02.000 Lots of stars.

00:48:04.000 And new people you never heard of, like the CEO of Parlay, who's going up to take down Twitter and create a replacement for Twitter.

00:48:12.000 Or some old cop who's on his way to jail because he planted cameras in a Hasidic Jew's office and caught him getting pegged by a prostitute and tried to blackmail him. 0.51

00:48:21.000 Actually, we lost that guy because by the time I set up the interview, he was already in prison.

00:48:27.000 That's Vincent Paco Gallo?

00:48:31.000 Yeah, Vincent Gallo, Ryan.

00:48:33.000 The guy from Buffalo 66 is a geriatric detective who is now in jail for framing a Hasidic Jew. 0.84

00:48:40.000 Parco.

00:48:42.000 Yeah, Vincent Parco.

00:48:44.000 Jesus Lord.

00:48:46.000 Gallo?

00:48:47.000 Could you be farther off?

00:48:48.000 That's Prince Vince.

00:48:49.000 That's the guy in our intro.

00:48:51.000 Oh.

00:48:51.000 In the Kangol hat.

00:48:55.000 Wow, you're a tard. 1.00

00:48:58.000 So yeah, go to freespeech.tv and sign up. 0.96

00:49:00.000 And not only will you get the free podcast on Thursday that you always get, but you get a vidcast of it and you can call in and see what videos we're talking about and stuff.

00:49:07.000 It's a much more thorough experience.

00:49:12.000 And I like you more than a friend.

00:49:13.000 I like your new sunglasses. 0.58

00:49:14.000 I think you should get fired.

00:49:15.000 I think you should be brave.

00:49:17.000 I think you should get in trouble.

00:49:18.000 And I think you should never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - June 24, 2019

#149 | I broke into the train yards the other day, allegedly

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