Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - Get Off My Lawn Podcast #117 | Did you ever dream of a bit?

00:00:03.000 Do you ever dream of a bit?

00:00:07.000 Who, me?

00:00:08.000 No, one.

00:00:12.000 I'm lucky in the sense that my job involves thinking about stuff.

00:00:17.000 Like writers, comedians, I wouldn't say actors.

00:00:24.000 Maybe directors, artists. 0.94

00:00:26.000 Lots of faggy jobs. 1.00

00:00:28.000 I'm part of the faggy community. 0.99

00:00:31.000 I'm like a bricklayer.

00:00:33.000 So if a bricklayer wakes up in the middle of the night and he has insomnia and he can't sleep for a couple hours, what's he going to do?

00:00:39.000 Think about more bricks?

00:00:40.000 By the way, no disrespect to bricklayers.

00:00:42.000 The awesome thing about a bricklayer is after he's done an eight hour shift, he looks and he can see, wow, I accomplished something.

00:00:48.000 If you work in HR or you're the social media rep for a pharmaceutical company who updates their Facebook, you can't really look back and go, I improved the world after my eight hour shift.

00:01:02.000 I'm not sure I can either.

00:01:04.000 But last night I dreamt a bit, sort of, like I usually wake up from, you know, three to four, three to five, especially if I'm drinking.

00:01:11.000 I think we call it the horrors.

00:01:13.000 Although, I came up with a new way to avoid the horrors.

00:01:16.000 You see, Maker's Mark creeps up on you.

00:01:18.000 So you'll have one, and you'll go, that didn't work, and then you'll have another one.

00:01:21.000 It's sort of like when people are new to drugs, and they take LSD, and they go, pfft, doesn't affect me.

00:01:26.000 So they bang, do another, tab, and you go, dude, maybe give it a bit.

00:01:29.000 Doesn't affect me, they've had three.

00:01:32.000 And then... I love you.

00:01:34.000 I'm scared.

00:01:36.000 So, you gotta give the bourbon time to chill.

00:01:59.000 Like the guy I met in Universal Studios, the bartender goes, the southerner goes, I came up with a thing I got from my buddy and I got turned on to Maker's Mark 2, dude.

00:02:08.000 And we had the same thing.

00:02:09.000 We both love Budweiser and Maker's Mark.

00:02:11.000 And he goes, the way my buddy does it is he goes, bourbon, beer, bowl.

00:02:15.000 Bourbon, beer, bowl.

00:02:17.000 And I'm not a bowl guy.

00:02:19.000 I got too much going on to freak out about all of my incredibly complex life.

00:02:27.000 So I don't want to be high.

00:02:30.000 But bourbon beer is a good pattern, because the beer really hydrates you.

00:02:35.000 I know they say it doesn't, but people in the Tour de France used to just chug beer when they would get a break, because over the long term it obviously dehydrates you because it makes you piss a lot.

00:02:45.000 But in the short term, you get some stuff in there, some water, and it gives the bourbon time to ferment.

00:02:55.000 And you'll go, I need another bourbon.

00:02:56.000 But then you have a beer, and you're like, oh, that previous bourbon's catching up to me.

00:03:00.000 I got a good buzz.

00:03:01.000 And ideally, you can keep it down to maybe bourbon, beer, bourbon.

00:03:08.000 Three drinks.

00:03:09.000 As opposed to my usual, where I'm having like half a bottle a night.

00:03:14.000 Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night and started in that semi-state of half-awake, half-asleep, started dreaming up bits. 0.97

00:03:22.000 And they often suck.

00:03:24.000 Like one night, I had this brilliant joke that I thought is gonna become license plates, and t-shirts, and stickers, and it's just the funniest thing ever. 0.98

00:03:36.000 And it is, how many dollars do people want?

00:03:42.000 Eight.

00:03:43.000 Now, obviously people want a lot of dollars, like a billion dollars.

00:03:48.000 So what my dreaming mind thought was the funniest response ever was eight dollars instead of like a billion.

00:03:56.000 I thought I misremembered.

00:03:58.000 I thought it was, and it's yours, but I thought it was how many people in the world don't want to be millionaires?

00:04:04.000 Eight.

00:04:04.000 Or how many people in the world want to be millionaires?

00:04:06.000 Eight.

00:04:08.000 I don't think it was that, but that's the same joke.

00:04:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:10.000 And I just thought, oh my god.

00:04:12.000 That is the funniest thing I've ever thought of.

00:04:14.000 I can't wait to wake up. 0.99

00:04:17.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:04:18.000 This is groundbreaking. 0.99

00:04:19.000 This is going to be the next Pet Rock.

00:04:21.000 This is the new Where's the Beef.

00:04:24.000 So last night it was, I hate riddles.

00:04:28.000 And I do hate riddles.

00:04:31.000 I don't understand how people ever get them right.

00:04:32.000 There's too many options.

00:04:34.000 And the one I was thinking of is what starts with two legs?

00:04:39.000 No, it starts with four legs, then has two, then has three. 0.98

00:04:45.000 And I fucking hate that riddle because it's a baby. 0.98

00:04:49.000 A baby is crawling on all fours, that's four. 0.99

00:04:52.000 And then you're walking with your two legs, that's two.

00:04:54.000 And then when you're old you have a cane, that's three. 1.00

00:04:57.000 And then as I'm sleeping I'm going, that's fucking bullshit because a cane is not a leg. 1.00

00:05:01.000 And arms are not legs. 1.00

00:05:03.000 So a baby's not on four legs.

00:05:06.000 And you get to just call a cane a leg?

00:05:09.000 And then my dreaming mind went, uh, what, what animal, uh, has three legs or something?

00:05:15.000 And it was like a kangaroo cause it's tail drags on the back. 1.00

00:05:19.000 And then I got mad at that.

00:05:21.000 Anyway, you think all of this is brilliant and you write it down sometimes, but you wake up and you go, no dude, the riddle doesn't say legs. 0.96

00:05:30.000 Cause in my dream state I was, I was thinking, what do you have fucking six legs if you lean on a table? 1.00

00:05:36.000 But the riddle doesn't say that, dumbass. 0.99

00:05:40.000 The riddle says, what starts on all fours, then is on two, and ends on three. 0.99

00:05:47.000 They don't say legs.

00:05:48.000 So that entire, and this is probably two hours, maybe an hour and a half of being half asleep going, this is so brilliant.

00:05:56.000 I'm going to be, this is legendary.

00:05:59.000 This is going to become my new brand.

00:06:02.000 The debunking riddles.

00:06:04.000 Although even, even now in my awake mind, I think of that riddle and it still pisses me off.

00:06:11.000 Because there's just too many options with riddles.

00:06:13.000 And then they tell you the answer and then you work backwards and you go, oh, I get it.

00:06:17.000 Yeah, a baby and then a dude and then a cane.

00:06:19.000 But like, what about those walkers that have the two tennis balls on them with the wheels that everyone uses?

00:06:26.000 What about a rascal?

00:06:26.000 I don't get, I don't get the lack of parameters with riddles.

00:06:30.000 They involve infinity.

00:06:33.000 So someone comes up with these criteria and they go, so just rifle through infinity and come up with my criteria.

00:06:42.000 And you go, okay, I'll be back in one trillion years as I rifle through infinity.

00:06:47.000 It goes back to what I was saying about the Rubik's Cube in that other podcast where would you rather be in prison for a year or they just give you a Rubik's Cube and you can come out when you solve it.

00:06:59.000 I think I might take a year.

00:07:02.000 Because it's possible that you're not smart enough, and that includes me, to do a Rubik's Cube. 0.99

00:07:08.000 You could be in there for fucking 15 years. 0.99

00:07:10.000 Like, what if they said, uh, you can come out in a year or till you throw a fastball at 90 miles an hour. 0.99

00:07:16.000 Now you can train and train and train.

00:07:19.000 But I'm not sure it's possible for you to ever, ever go work out, go work with Mickey Calloway, go live at Noah Syndergaard's house, go get lessons from DeGrom.

00:07:32.000 I don't think you could ever get to 90 miles an hour.

00:07:36.000 So I'd be inclined to take a year.

00:07:38.000 My wife just said I'll take the Rubik's Cube.

00:07:39.000 Wouldn't it be embarrassing if she got out in two weeks and she'd be visiting me and I'd already been in there for 13 years? 1.00

00:07:47.000 And my kids are all in college and stuff going, Dad, what the fuck's the matter with you? 0.99

00:07:51.000 Little kids solve that. 0.99

00:07:53.000 And I'd just be crying. 1.00

00:07:54.000 I'm fucking trying! 0.99

00:07:56.000 What is it? 0.99

00:07:57.000 You work on the inside out?

00:07:58.000 Every time I get one color, I go to do the other color and it fucks up the first side! 0.99

00:08:02.000 It's driving me fucking crazy! 0.97

00:08:06.000 First, you'd be in denial. 0.98

00:08:07.000 You'd be like, I'm getting around to it.

00:08:08.000 I'm just kind of enjoying it here.

00:08:09.000 The food's pretty good.

00:08:10.000 It's like a little vacay.

00:08:13.000 And they're like, so honey, you can do it?

00:08:15.000 Yeah, I can do it.

00:08:16.000 I'm just waiting.

00:08:17.000 I'll do it soon.

00:08:18.000 Nope.

00:08:19.000 You wouldn't do that for like a week?

00:08:20.000 No, I'm saying you're never going to get it.

00:08:22.000 I mean, I remember when Rubik's Cubes came out when I was a kid in the 80s. 0.98

00:08:27.000 And I remember going, I can't figure this fucking thing out. 0.96

00:08:31.000 Sort of like skateboarding. 0.99

00:08:33.000 I skated forever.

00:08:36.000 Probably a thousand hours.

00:08:38.000 And I could never, I mean, I could ollie over a raisin maybe.

00:08:42.000 It just, some things you just don't have.

00:08:44.000 Same with guitars.

00:08:45.000 I sat there taking lessons.

00:08:47.000 No, this is too hard.

00:08:50.000 I mean, I tried it for a long time and there was just no

00:08:55.000 You can tell when there's no future with something. 0.99

00:08:56.000 I think as a parent, your job is to introduce your kids to a ton of shit and see what sticks. 0.99

00:09:04.000 Now, Michelle Malkin would probably say, no dummy, you have to really... no one likes the piano for the first two years and then you start getting good at it and then your kid's a child prodigy. 1.00

00:09:15.000 Yeah, I get that.

00:09:16.000 I guess there is some truth to that. 0.99

00:09:18.000 But I also don't want to torture my kid with a fucking piano every night. 1.00

00:09:23.000 Have them hate my guts. 1.00

00:09:24.000 They already hate me enough. 0.96

00:09:28.000 I heard this Mexican comedian on Raw Dogs say that his wife was crying and saying that the boys are scared of you.

00:09:36.000 They don't love you.

00:09:37.000 They fear you.

00:09:37.000 And he goes, that's not true.

00:09:39.000 Hey boys!

00:09:40.000 Get in here! 1.00

00:09:42.000 Is that shit true? 1.00

00:09:44.000 No, dad, no. 1.00

00:09:46.000 And he goes, see?

00:09:48.000 I'm not quite that bad.

00:09:49.000 But you want to, you know, you can be friends with them when you're young or friends with them when you're old.

00:09:53.000 And I've chosen for their friends when they're old.

00:09:55.000 I'm happy to be the corrections officer.

00:09:57.000 Although you don't exactly, you're not exactly drowning in hugs when you're the corrections officer.

00:10:03.000 Mom gets all the hugs.

00:10:04.000 I wouldn't mind a hug at one point.

00:10:08.000 I wouldn't mind somebody to hold.

00:10:10.000 Somebody to love.

00:10:11.000 Speaking of Michelle Hall, can you see what happened with her?

00:10:13.000 She got a notice from Twitter that she has violated blasphemy laws in Pakistan.

00:10:22.000 And she's being investigated now.

00:10:23.000 They suggest she gets a lawyer.

00:10:25.000 What?

00:10:25.000 Well, maybe she should go to Lahore and defend herself in Sharia court.

00:10:30.000 That'll go well. 0.97

00:10:32.000 It went well for that Christian woman in India who the whole country's trying to kill. 1.00

00:10:38.000 And I think Trump might give her asylum. 0.80

00:10:41.000 We have to adhere to Pakistan's crazy laws? 1.00

00:10:44.000 What the fuck is with Pakistan anyway? 1.00

00:10:47.000 The Muslims in India were complaining, and we said, you know what? 1.00

00:10:49.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:10:50.000 We're going to chop off the top of India, kick out all the Hindus, and give you the top of India. 1.00

00:10:55.000 You got your own country. 1.00

00:10:56.000 You got your own Israel. 0.97

00:10:58.000 What do you say? 1.00

00:10:59.000 Fuck you, buddy. 1.00

00:11:02.000 I'm going to keep attacking. 1.00

00:11:04.000 So the Kashmir, on the border of India and Pakistan, just keep attacking the Indian Army. 0.99

00:11:09.000 Killing them. 1.00

00:11:10.000 Murdering them. 1.00

00:11:11.000 Sending jets over. 1.00

00:11:12.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:11:12.000 You're not happy with the border? 1.00

00:11:15.000 Islam is never satisfied. 1.00

00:11:17.000 That's the problem, folks. 0.94

00:11:19.000 Look at Saudi Arabia with the burqas. 1.00

00:11:21.000 They're like, we can see bangs sticking out and I can see that you have purple socks.

00:11:26.000 20 lashes.

00:11:28.000 So Michelle better not try to appease them because down that road madness lies. 1.00

00:11:35.000 We've got a lot to discuss.

00:11:38.000 On today's show.

00:11:40.000 We also, I want to get into a mailbag.

00:11:44.000 We've been getting a lot of mail, but I'm not sure, Ryan, you'll be able to handle the criticism.

00:11:49.000 Oh, please.

00:11:50.000 It's cutting.

00:11:52.000 I'm ready.

00:11:53.000 It's vitriolic.

00:11:54.000 I'm ready for it.

00:11:55.000 I don't think you are.

00:11:58.000 Is it from a boomer?

00:11:59.000 You wish.

00:12:01.000 It's all from supermodels and pro surfers.

00:12:04.000 And excellent guitarists.

00:12:07.000 All the people you admire.

00:12:08.000 I guarantee it's a boomer with a Tasmanian Devil tattoo on his arm.

00:12:11.000 And Louis C.K.

00:12:13.000 Louis C.K.

00:12:13.000 wrote it and said, you're not funny.

00:12:15.000 He needs to just stop talking.

00:12:17.000 And I like him. 1.00

00:12:18.000 He's a fun guy, but he's really dumb. 0.99

00:12:21.000 I'm Louis C.K. 1.00

00:12:24.000 And he's a cunt. 1.00

00:12:27.000 I saw this article in the Independent. 1.00

00:12:31.000 Today.

00:12:33.000 And it's about how comedy isn't PC enough.

00:12:38.000 Radical Islam is the same as the politically correct SJW world, in that they're insatiable. 0.99

00:12:43.000 They're never satisfied.

00:12:45.000 So you can go to Pakistan, you can wear a burqa, you can do everything they tell you to, and you'll get 20 lashes. 0.71

00:12:51.000 Exactly the same with the far left.

00:12:55.000 The alt-left.

00:12:57.000 They are never satisfied.

00:12:59.000 So don't even try.

00:13:02.000 There was an episode of Crashing which I can't watch.

00:13:05.000 Although I heard Pete Holmes is Christian, is that true? 1.00

00:13:09.000 Pete Holmes is Christian, he's very religious.

00:13:12.000 Alright, that makes it likeable.

00:13:15.000 I could live with that.

00:13:17.000 As long as he doesn't bash J-Dog.

00:13:20.000 I guess not, right?

00:13:21.000 No!

00:13:21.000 No, he doesn't pass the J-Dog.

00:13:24.000 Well, anyway... But what he does is like in Apatow's thing, like I saw one episode and this happened to be like a wedding or something and they made it seem like during a wedding you go and get baptized in a cross-shaped pool or something.

00:13:38.000 It was like, that's not part of Christianity that I know.

00:13:41.000 So it's almost like, um...

00:13:44.000 I don't know what weird Christianity Pete Holmes went through, but it seems like they portray an odd, extreme form. 1.00

00:13:50.000 Ah, he seems like a pussy. 0.99

00:13:51.000 How old is he? 1.00

00:13:52.000 Does he have any kids? 0.96

00:13:53.000 Um, I don't think so, the devil.

00:13:56.000 That's my Pete Holmes impression.

00:13:57.000 He's 39.

00:14:01.000 Put a ring on it.

00:14:01.000 Get a wife.

00:14:03.000 Always married.

00:14:04.000 Oh, their daughter.

00:14:06.000 Oh, really?

00:14:06.000 Who was just born last year.

00:14:07.000 Good for him.

00:14:09.000 All right.

00:14:09.000 That's pretty good.

00:14:10.000 Yeah, I was trying to get to that when I was talking about Brody Stevens hanging himself the other day.

00:14:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:15.000 We sort of got off track right away.

00:14:16.000 But you've got to understand that these comedians tend not to be married.

00:14:20.000 Same with left-wing media.

00:14:21.000 They tend not to be married. 1.00

00:14:23.000 They don't give a shit about families. 0.99

00:14:24.000 They don't want you to have a family. 1.00

00:14:26.000 Yet, they preach to you and tell you how to live your life, and Trump is a loser, and you're stupid, and we need more taxes, and they make up facts, like they say that Trump is using the presidency as a big, giant infomercial. 1.00

00:14:39.000 He never said that. 1.00

00:14:41.000 They're incompetent, and they're miserable. 0.99

00:14:44.000 There's a smattering of comedians who aren't, like Jim Gaffigan, right? 1.00

00:14:48.000 He's got his shit together. 0.89

00:14:49.000 He's got five kids, tons of money, lives in a big, beautiful apartment in the East Village. 0.98

00:14:56.000 But you'll notice that he doesn't preach. 0.98

00:14:58.000 In fact, his whole shtick is like, I'm a big pale loser. 0.97

00:15:02.000 Why is he so pale? 0.93

00:15:04.000 Because I like, I like tater tots.

00:15:07.000 This is what he would sound like going political.

00:15:11.000 I don't like guys with MAGA hats.

00:15:14.000 That's awful.

00:15:15.000 Why is that guy wearing a red MAGA hat?

00:15:18.000 I don't know, but it's not bacon.

00:15:22.000 Always goes around a bacon.

00:15:23.000 I love his jokes.

00:15:24.000 No, he's hilarious.

00:15:26.000 I love that he said at a steakhouse when someone comes up with the menu and they mention the fish and he goes, why would I want something that's less good?

00:15:26.000 He's great.

00:15:38.000 So yeah, all the other ones though, they can't wait to tell you how to live your life and you're like, you have one kid at best, like Pete Holmes or

00:15:47.000 Gary Goleman. 0.99

00:15:48.000 He does that thing that I fucking hate. 1.00

00:15:50.000 I hate hate has no home here signs, and I hate when Jewish people put their names in tons of brackets. 0.99

00:15:57.000 So the super alt-right Nazi dudes, whenever they say something's Jewish, they put it in brackets, like say they thought Budweiser was run by Jews, and they'd say, well it's no coincidence that Budweiser, bracket bracket bracket bracket bracket bracket, is cheaper in Israel or something like that. 0.94

00:16:14.000 It's very rare.

00:16:15.000 It's a weird thing.

00:16:16.000 It's for the Nazis. 0.97

00:16:17.000 It's for that tiny, tiny, tiny contingent that was in Charlottesville.

00:16:20.000 And it's not a thing. 0.98

00:16:21.000 So fucking ignore it. 0.99

00:16:23.000 But then you have Jewish guys like Gary Goleman who put their name in brackets. 0.99

00:16:28.000 And what it means is, I'm a Jew.

00:16:30.000 You got a problem with that? 1.00

00:16:32.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:16:33.000 To which the other 99.9999999% of the world goes, yeah, fine, dude. 1.00

00:16:36.000 Like, who cares? 1.00

00:16:37.000 Who the fuck? 1.00

00:16:43.000 Goes, Gary Goleman, you mean that Jew? 1.00

00:16:47.000 Nobody.

00:16:48.000 And journalists do it all the time, too.

00:16:50.000 Yeah, I'm Jewish.

00:16:52.000 Roy Fickelstein.

00:16:53.000 Bracket, bracket, bracket.

00:16:54.000 Yeah, okay.

00:16:56.000 You might as well wear a t-shirt with a star of David that says, I'm Jewish.

00:16:59.000 What you gonna do about it?

00:17:01.000 Nothing, dude.

00:17:02.000 I'm in New York.

00:17:04.000 I'm the minority here.

00:17:07.000 But anyway, Gary Coleman has been doing this instructive tweeting.

00:17:13.000 He's up to like number a billion where he says, here's some writing tips.

00:17:16.000 If you're going to be out there going on stage, practice it in your living room and make sure you watch your own set.

00:17:20.000 You can learn.

00:17:21.000 And you know, at the beginning people were going, even Jimmy Kimmel and stuff were going, that's very handy tips, dude.

00:17:26.000 Thanks for coming out.

00:17:28.000 But, um,

00:17:30.000 I'm looking at Gary Goldman and I'm thinking, didn't you have to leave comedy for several years because you had a nervous breakdown and you were suicidal and you had to go to a loony bin and live at your parents' house?

00:17:42.000 I'm not really sure you should be telling everyone in the world how to run their comedy career.

00:17:49.000 I mean, he's not a particularly successful comedian himself, but he's sitting there telling everyone else how to live.

00:17:57.000 It bothers me.

00:17:59.000 Or who's that guy, that libertarian guy with no kids that everyone loves, who's got the tacky suits, who lives in the middle of nowhere in Nevada, and he killed his mother?

00:18:08.000 Oh, Doug Stanhope.

00:18:09.000 Doug Stanhope.

00:18:09.000 He killed his mother?

00:18:11.000 Yeah, with her permission.

00:18:12.000 Oh, oh, assisted suicide?

00:18:14.000 Yeah.

00:18:15.000 Wow.

00:18:16.000 Another guy with no kids who lives in a desert just telling the rest of us how to live. 0.94

00:18:21.000 You guys don't know how to live.

00:18:23.000 Or Vox.

00:18:25.000 Vox is run by Ezra Klein.

00:18:27.000 You always gotta look up who owns these things, who runs them.

00:18:30.000 Be curious about who's telling you how to live your life. 0.93

00:18:33.000 Um, Ezra Klein is just a nerdy fucking turd blogger who is just an intern and then he was with the Washington Post and MSNBC just, just hammering away on the keyboard. 0.88

00:18:47.000 And, uh, he started Vox, where they explain the news to you. 0.96

00:18:52.000 This is the new thing with the left.

00:18:54.000 They pretend they're explaining.

00:18:55.000 What they're really doing is funneling the information through their paradigm.

00:18:59.000 And so it comes out the other end in the far left narrative.

00:19:03.000 That's what NowThis does. 1.00

00:19:04.000 That's what Dodo does.

00:19:06.000 That's, again, both of those are from the Huffington Post.

00:19:09.000 Huffington Post staff.

00:19:10.000 And Vox is the same.

00:19:11.000 You're not explaining the news to me. 1.00

00:19:13.000 You're crunching the news through a meat grinder of far-left bullshit, and it comes out the other end as pedantic. 0.99

00:19:21.000 Ezra Klein is married to someone who didn't take his name. 0.99

00:19:25.000 That should tell you something.

00:19:35.000 Don't deserve their success and For many of them it's not genetic or it's not hard work It's like they got it from their daddy now two-thirds of the world's billionaires are bootstrap billionaires But they like to focus on the ones who got it from from mommy and daddy, which is relatively rare I always my favorite entrepreneur as far that goes is Ralph Lauren Multi-millionaire used to sleep in the Bronx with his brothers in the same bed.

00:19:59.000 I think his real name is like Harville Abinowitz

00:20:03.000 Lipschitz, I believe was his last name.

00:20:05.000 Anyway, Ezra Klein's married to Annie Lowry, and he sits there with Vox, telling us all how to live and how to be a better person.

00:20:15.000 This isn't on their Wikipedia anymore, but it used to say, Annie Lowry's or Ezra Klein's, it used to say, under personal life, it said, Lowry is married to Ezra Klein, and they're two rescue dogs.

00:20:30.000 Patsy and Calvin.

00:20:32.000 You get it?

00:20:33.000 Patsy Cline and Calvin Cline.

00:20:36.000 And they just got a cram in there that they're rescue dogs. 1.00

00:20:39.000 If you're only, if you're in your 30s, and your only offspring are rescue dogs, you're a fucking loser. 1.00

00:20:49.000 And the last thing you should be doing is voxing. 1.00

00:20:52.000 Millennials, or whatever you are, genexial-splaining, how to live your life. 0.91

00:20:56.000 But anyway, so,

00:20:58.000 It all comes together here with this Pete Holmes thing.

00:21:02.000 So his show, Crashing, took on politically incorrect comedy.

00:21:07.000 And they have this character, Jason.

00:21:10.000 That Vox explains. 0.80

00:21:12.000 The headline is Stand-up comedy's debate over political correctness explained by HBO's Crashing.

00:21:18.000 The comedy series smartly breaks down anti-PC comedy without getting preachy. 1.00

00:21:24.000 And this is by Todd Vanderwerf, who I also bet is a fucking loser. 0.98

00:21:32.000 Like, shouldn't people who write have some sort of experience? 0.99

00:21:36.000 Shouldn't they be... If you're just gonna talk about stupid shit, like a dress or a song, then fine. 1.00

00:21:44.000 Be inexperienced. 1.00

00:21:45.000 We need you millennials. 0.60

00:21:47.000 But it's amazing when you look up, even people at the New York Post talking about the Proud Boys and stuff, you look up the authors and it's some cunty little babysitter who's a little kid talking about what an alt-right hate group is. 0.65

00:21:59.000 You haven't lived!

00:22:01.000 You're talking to all of New York City, and you're a child.

00:22:06.000 And I don't know anything about the author of this, Todd Vanderwerf, but I bet you he has nothing.

00:22:11.000 Nothing in his canon.

00:22:14.000 Oh, he co-wrote Monsters of the Week, which is an X-Files book.

00:22:21.000 I'm sorry, I thought he hadn't accomplished anything.

00:22:23.000 He helped write a book about the X-Files.

00:22:26.000 Be better.

00:22:27.000 Be better.

00:22:28.000 Be better.

00:22:29.000 Be better.

00:22:31.000 Don't tell me about the world when I've been in it for half a century!

00:22:34.000 Anyway, the crux of this article is...

00:22:39.000 That they take on this anti-PC comic and they talk about how sad it is that he still thinks edgy comedy matters and he doesn't understand that you have to be on the right side of history and you can no longer say offensive jokes because that's not how comedy works.

00:22:55.000 And the article ends with, Crashing is always trying to understand comedy, where it comes from and what makes some of it good and some of it bad.

00:23:03.000 And in MC Middle Headliner, that's the name of that particular episode, the show sees Jason not just as a window into this particular style of comedy, but into a whole world view.

00:23:14.000 It doesn't let him get away with anything.

00:23:16.000 And when he's ranting about how hard white guys have it nowadays, it lets Ali push back against his nonsense.

00:23:22.000 This is Vox explaining.

00:23:24.000 If you think that white guys have it rough,

00:23:28.000 That's clearly nonsense because Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are rich.

00:23:32.000 Ergo, as D.L.

00:23:34.000 Hughley said, being a white male is like having a superpower.

00:23:38.000 This is, by the way, something they used to parody on SNL.

00:23:41.000 Eddie Murphy did a sketch called White Like Me where he whited his face up and put on a blonde wig and he just got free money everywhere.

00:23:49.000 So your worldview is an old SNL bit.

00:23:51.000 Go on.

00:23:52.000 Take it.

00:23:53.000 Just take it.

00:23:54.000 And the guy who says that to Eddie Murphy is the guy who wrote the sketch, Robert Downey, who I had a fight with recently.

00:24:01.000 Oh, really?

00:24:02.000 That's a shame.

00:24:02.000 Yeah.

00:24:03.000 Because he called me when the shit was really hitting the fan. 1.00

00:24:06.000 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 0.99

00:24:07.000 And he said, you know, if there's anything I can do, you know, I've been through this before.

00:24:10.000 And then proceeded to, for 40 minutes, to tell me about all the times he's been a pariah.

00:24:15.000 And been pilloried for being politically incorrect. 1.00

00:24:17.000 And I'm like, yeah, uh, you could donate to my fund or fuck off. 0.99

00:24:22.000 Cause I'm not really in the mood to hear about how hard your life was. 0.99

00:24:25.000 And all his examples, of course, weren't even close to what I was going through at the time.

00:24:29.000 It's like there was someone made an inconvenient comment at a party.

00:24:33.000 I'm like, yeah, I I'm, uh, worried about, uh, about getting fired, which I did.

00:24:41.000 Anyway, I'll just finish this.

00:24:42.000 But it also never forces Jason to learn a lesson. 1.00

00:24:45.000 And it never urges everybody to forgive him for being an asshole. 1.00

00:24:49.000 It simply sits back and observes. 1.00

00:24:51.000 Could you be more fucking arrogant, please? 1.00

00:24:54.000 So now, you're a mensch if you don't punish these disgusting, politically incorrect comedians. 1.00

00:25:02.000 That's what Pete Holmes Show is talking about. 0.93

00:25:04.000 And that's what Vox is explaining to us.

00:25:08.000 Now,

00:25:10.000 Oh, my email's crashing.

00:25:12.000 There was a much more egregious article about comedy recently. 0.93

00:25:16.000 And I'm really interested in this, not because I give a shit about comedy, but because it's a good litmus test of where we are. 0.83

00:25:22.000 Orwell said, within every joke is a tiny revolution. 0.94

00:25:25.000 And Americans love comedy.

00:25:28.000 We invented stand-up comedy, right?

00:25:30.000 I believe so.

00:25:32.000 Yeah, it was Lenny Bruce and everything.

00:25:35.000 America was the first. 1.00

00:25:38.000 And to see it get ripped apart and ruined by all these pussies is amazing, especially when they're British. 1.00

00:25:47.000 So that article was kind of meek, right? 1.00

00:25:52.000 It wasn't particularly enraging. 0.99

00:25:53.000 But then there's this other article by this fucking cunt named Liam Evans, who I believe is East Indian. 0.99

00:26:04.000 He has, again, this goes back to what I was saying with the New York Post, who's preaching to us? 1.00

00:26:08.000 Is it manic depressive comedians who are on the verge of suicide?

00:26:12.000 Is it childless pricks like Ezra Klein, who's more devoted to hammering away at his keyboard than he is to creating a family and giving his poor wife a baby?

00:26:22.000 I got you a rescue dog.

00:26:25.000 Married guys who get their wives dogs, they are procrastinating. 1.00

00:26:29.000 Ladies, do not fall for it. 1.00

00:26:31.000 You're being given a fur baby to shut you up. 1.00

00:26:34.000 And it buys him a good 10 to 15 years of being a pussy. 1.00

00:26:37.000 Ain't nobody got time for that! 0.99

00:26:41.000 So this guy, Liam Evans, he is on Twitter as at LiamEvans1997.

00:26:47.000 He has 24 followers.

00:26:53.000 And he wants you to know that we have to really monitor comedy closely because he's an up-and-coming comedian.

00:27:00.000 Now, YouTube is very good at getting every single person in the world who's ever stepped on a stage even once as an afterthought.

00:27:07.000 There is zero evidence of Liam Evans doing any comedy ever.

00:27:13.000 In fact if you look it up you'll find like loom Evans and about 10 guys with names similar doing stand-up that's how easy it is to get on YouTube but no none of him and his tweets have he's talking about John Wayne's racist and homophobic views

00:27:29.000 From 1971 in Playboy Magazine, is there anything less relevant than a dead man's antiquated views in 1971?

00:27:38.000 And Liam says, it doesn't matter how long ago this interview took place.

00:27:42.000 The ideas John Wayne expressed are enjoying a resurgence.

00:27:47.000 This matters.

00:27:50.000 It doesn't even sound desperate.

00:27:52.000 This matters.

00:27:53.000 So anyway, he gets an article in The Independent, and we think of The Independent, you know, it's a lefty magazine, but you go, well, they probably have journalists there who have worked hard and worked their way up.

00:28:06.000 And no, I don't know what's going on.

00:28:10.000 I think newspapers are going under and they go, maybe we need younger people. 0.98

00:28:15.000 Maybe that's the problem. 0.99

00:28:16.000 So they get inexperienced boobs to just fart out nonsense. 1.00

00:28:21.000 So this guy says, as a new comedian working the circuit, that's just a fucking lie. 0.99

00:28:28.000 He's not working the circuit, he's done nothing. 1.00

00:28:31.000 He's just a weird Indian, probably a homosexual, who just wants to bitch and complain because he has nothing else to offer the world. 1.00

00:28:39.000 So he says, as a new comedian working the circuit, I'm appalled at disgusting jokes creeping back into the industry. 0.99

00:28:49.000 And he uses, of course, the Louis C.K.

00:28:53.000 bit where he was secretly recorded, which Ryan and I doubt.

00:28:56.000 We think he released it on purpose.

00:28:58.000 He was secretly recorded saying, of the victims of that school shooting, Parkland, saying, why did they get to be on the news?

00:29:04.000 You're not interesting. 0.78

00:29:05.000 All you did was push a fat kid out of the way. 0.98

00:29:08.000 Very offensive joke.

00:29:09.000 Pretty funny.

00:29:11.000 And Louis C.K.

00:29:13.000 is not exactly enjoying a resurgence. 1.00

00:29:17.000 He is a fucking pariah. 1.00

00:29:20.000 And for that bit that he did, he was raked over the coals. 1.00

00:29:25.000 Judd Apatow was calling him a hack.

00:29:27.000 Remember that?

00:29:29.000 When he was caught making that Parkland joke, he was crapped on.

00:29:32.000 I should have said something to him when I walked past him the other day.

00:29:38.000 You're wrong.

00:29:39.000 There's so many things you should have said.

00:29:41.000 I know, but I didn't want to be that guy.

00:29:43.000 There was too many things I could have said.

00:29:44.000 The guy you don't want to be is, can I get a selfie?

00:29:48.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:49.000 Here's the top one you should have done is, you should have said, they're the worst humanity has to offer.

00:29:55.000 You're the worst humanity has to offer.

00:29:56.000 No, no, not like that. 0.99

00:29:58.000 Oh.

00:29:59.000 You have to make fun of him for saying that all the time.

00:30:02.000 That's his go-to line.

00:30:03.000 I should have pretended I was with him.

00:30:05.000 Hey Judd, you're doing God's work out there. 0.99

00:30:07.000 Calling out a special that wasn't supposed to be released and judging somebody's... No, that's way... How do you suck at this? 0.93

00:30:14.000 But no, pretend I'm on his team and then say something very sarcastic. 0.87

00:30:17.000 Yeah, that's way too subtle.

00:30:18.000 That's probably too subtle for a tweet that people can sit down and read.

00:30:22.000 You have to keep it short and simple.

00:30:23.000 So you just go... 0.99

00:30:24.000 You're the worst. 1.00

00:30:25.000 You're the worst humanity has to offer. 0.99

00:30:28.000 Oh, I'm Judd Apatow. 0.96

00:30:30.000 Something like that. 1.00

00:30:30.000 Or, you suck dude. 1.00

00:30:32.000 Yeah, that second one's pretty nice. 1.00

00:30:34.000 This is 40 sucked. 0.97

00:30:37.000 Or, you're not funny anymore. 0.98

00:30:39.000 Any of those are great.

00:30:41.000 Short and sweet. 0.99

00:30:42.000 What you're turning into is making your wife a lesbian. 1.00

00:30:45.000 Oh my god, no. 0.99

00:30:46.000 Why?

00:30:47.000 It takes too much thought.

00:30:48.000 It means he's turning into a woman. 0.99

00:30:51.000 I'm trying to tell my kids if you ever get bullied don't try to be witty just say fuck you They're probably not being witty right Yeah, and then you get like if you can't yeah, just say fuck you you're right all right So you got to see this article as a new comedian working the circuit I'm appalled at disgusting jokes in quotes creeping back in this that's pretty rich coming from a disgusting joke crawling back into the industry 1.00

00:31:15.000 He's not crawling back, he's never been. 0.99

00:31:18.000 Ah, yes.

00:31:20.000 Last month I saw Finn Taylor's new stand-up show, When Heresy Met Sally, which made light of sexual harassment, the gender pay gap, and the Me Too movement.

00:31:29.000 His intention might as well have been to make us laugh, but I found little to enjoy in this Jim Davidson tribute act.

00:31:37.000 What kind of reactionary drivel was I being subjected to in the name of comedy?

00:31:42.000 For a while I sat there seething as a room full of doubtless, well-intentioned punters were laughing along with this thinly-veiled rape apologism.

00:31:51.000 Dude, don't get into comedy. 1.00

00:31:53.000 You're a cunt. 1.00

00:31:55.000 I know I'm using a lot of swearers in this podcast, but we're gonna be getting sponsors soon and they won't let me be as rude, so I gotta get my yeah-yeahs out. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Uh, tyrants have always feared ridicule, blah blah blah. 0.58

00:32:08.000 Alt-right comedy might sound like an oxymoron, but the immensely popular, uh, but the immense popularity of internet shit posters such as PewDiePie and Sargon of Akkad. 0.99

00:32:19.000 This goes back to the Islamic thing. 0.99

00:32:22.000 You can't satisfy these people.

00:32:24.000 They think PewDiePie, you know what PewDiePie's crime was? 0.99

00:32:26.000 I'm not into gaming YouTubers, I'm 48, not fucking 8. 0.98

00:32:29.000 He did a fake Zig Heil? 0.84

00:32:31.000 And he might have done that, yeah, as a joke, but he was recommending like 40 different YouTubers, and one of them that he recommended happened to have liked some sort of potentially alt-right joke song.

00:32:44.000 And then Sargon of Akkad, what the hell did he do wrong?

00:32:48.000 I think he said he called someone N-words, or called someone Nazis, but he was making fun of Nazis, saying, you're the supposed N-words that you hate so much.

00:32:58.000 So turning their own vernacular back on them.

00:33:02.000 But he's a liberal.

00:33:03.000 They're both liberals.

00:33:05.000 And this guy, this dunce, who Independent UK, and you know, you go to Independent UK and the graphic design's very good. 0.90

00:33:12.000 So if you're not curious enough to go look up the author, you just go, oh, you imagine like some 38-year-old man with like a dress shirt on who's been doing comedy for a while speaking as a person of color in an irredeemably racist culture. 0.91

00:33:29.000 What?

00:33:30.000 And he's in Britain too. 0.96

00:33:33.000 I'm sick of being accused of hypersensitivity by straight white men who are blind to their own privilege.

00:33:38.000 Well, this is what's happening right now, my friend.

00:33:40.000 That's exactly what's going on.

00:33:42.000 I am blind to my own privilege and I am accusing you of hypersensitivity.

00:33:47.000 Um, the hallmark of a good satirist is the ability to expose the follies of the powerful and the corrupt.

00:33:52.000 Yeah, that's what the far left is.

00:33:56.000 So then he goes on to criticize Ricky Gervais for being transphobic, Dave Chappelle for being transphobic, Louis C.K.

00:34:01.000 whose career was destroyed.

00:34:04.000 And he says, and then he starts thinking about, you got to provide some good examples.

00:34:08.000 All right, so where should we be going in comedy?

00:34:10.000 Perhaps it's time for the comedy community to reflect.

00:34:12.000 Danish comedian Sophie Hagen, who I highly recommend checking out. 0.99

00:34:16.000 She's a big fat pig who talks about how people see her as a big fat pig. 1.00

00:34:19.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:34:19.000 Hey Soapy, I have... 1.00

00:34:37.000 A speech impediment due to MS, and I'm in a chair.

00:34:43.000 So please avoid those subjects, at least for the Brooklyn show that's at the Tea Tree Lounge on March 3rd.

00:34:55.000 Could you write that out of your set for that particular... I know I'm speaking more articulate than before, but when I get riled up, I start to get into like a cadence, man.

00:35:04.000 Now I'm grooving.

00:35:06.000 Did I ever tell you about the horrible time?

00:35:07.000 I'm not proud of this, but I used to do a lot of, when I run an ad agency, we're always traveling, especially to LA to pitch TV shows.

00:35:15.000 And this is unethical, what I did.

00:35:17.000 I'm not advocating this.

00:35:19.000 I'm apologizing.

00:35:20.000 I've done a lot of good scams over the years that sort of mock the people for being politically correct. 0.75

00:35:25.000 Like in Montreal, I managed to get a hep C test when I was too old to get one by pretending to be gay and being really effeminate. 0.75

00:35:32.000 They pushed me to the front of the line.

00:35:33.000 When I pretended to be straight, they said, sorry, it's for 25 and under.

00:35:37.000 I was like 26 at the time.

00:35:38.000 But then I was like, hi, I'm here for like a hep C test or whatever.

00:35:43.000 Needles.

00:35:45.000 Boom needles. 0.99

00:35:46.000 So I have no problem with that.

00:35:49.000 That was that. 1.00

00:35:50.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:35:51.000 But this isn't cool. 1.00

00:35:52.000 So we get there and we're separate.

00:35:53.000 And I hate when you get on the plane and you have to go find the guy that's in your friend's seat and say, hey, man, I'll pay you 20 bucks.

00:35:58.000 We switch and then they switch and then their bag is back there and they have a shitty middle seat. 1.00

00:36:02.000 And it's like you mean that's us.

00:36:04.000 We bought the seats together.

00:36:06.000 Yeah, we had to do that a couple times.

00:36:08.000 We bought the seats together.

00:36:10.000 Why didn't you sit us next to each other?

00:36:11.000 We don't weigh 600 pounds.

00:36:12.000 It's not like we're gonna make the plane tip to one side. 1.00

00:36:15.000 Maybe that's the cause of all this is these fucking fatties. 0.99

00:36:18.000 Maybe fatties are why they spread apart my family too. 1.00

00:36:21.000 I'll have my six-year-old...

00:36:23.000 Five rows away from me and I have to sit there negotiating with all these people. 0.99

00:36:27.000 Anyway, to avoid that pain in the ass, I would pretend to be severely handicapped. 0.98

00:36:31.000 And my buddy would come up and he'd say, hey man, I would have to say stepbrother because we don't look similar at all. 0.99

00:36:38.000 My stepbrother, and I go, hi, I'm number one!

00:36:43.000 And I'd have my wrists sort of bent in, in a lobster boy kind of way, and I'd be doing that Rain Man thing where I'm looking at the ground and swaying back and forth.

00:36:50.000 And my buddy would go, it's important that my stepbrother sits next to me.

00:36:56.000 It'd be best.

00:36:56.000 And then they'd go, oh, Jesus Christ.

00:36:58.000 And they immediately start scratching out tickets and making sure we sit together.

00:37:03.000 And so I still have to act handicapped at the gate, right?

00:37:06.000 Swaying back and forth.

00:37:08.000 And then one time, and I'm especially unproud of this one, I was walking by the flight attendant and as I passed her and she did my ticket, I said again, I held up my ticket and I went, I'm number one!

00:37:23.000 That was sort of my mantra.

00:37:25.000 It's sort of like, I am Groot.

00:37:27.000 I am Groot.

00:37:27.000 It's the only thing I could say.

00:37:28.000 Yeah.

00:37:29.000 And she goes, yes, you are.

00:37:31.000 Nice.

00:37:32.000 So she was sweet.

00:37:34.000 And the other times I've been mistaken for mentally handicapped person, like when I wear my meds gear and people aren't so sweet.

00:37:39.000 So it runs the gamut.

00:37:41.000 Anyway, we get on the plane.

00:37:44.000 And I still got to be a gimp.

00:37:47.000 For the, you know, a little while.

00:37:49.000 Again, this is a terrible thing to do, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

00:37:54.000 And I'm going to be sitting for six hours.

00:37:57.000 We want to discuss business.

00:37:59.000 We're going to pitch shows.

00:38:00.000 A lot of the times you'll sort of wait to do a lot of work for the plane ride to make it less boring.

00:38:06.000 So, you know, our company is at stake here.

00:38:09.000 I'm sorry I did this, but it worked.

00:38:13.000 Anyway,

00:38:14.000 I'm sitting on the plane, and I'm bobbing back and forth, and then this handicapped guy, genuinely handicapped guy, my age, wearing a Hulk t-shirt, is with his mother.

00:38:24.000 Oh no.

00:38:25.000 He's probably 42, and he's walking the same, and his wrists are the same, and he's the real deal.

00:38:32.000 Now, my buddy considered, because she looked at us, and he probably doesn't get to meet many people, right, that are like him.

00:38:41.000 Exactly like him.

00:38:42.000 We were clones.

00:38:43.000 We both were number one.

00:38:45.000 And he considered getting up and going, does he want to sit with my stepbrother?

00:38:51.000 Because I feel like they might get along and she would probably be like, yes, I can read my book and they can talk about the Hulk.

00:38:57.000 Oh, no.

00:38:57.000 And the Avengers and stuff.

00:39:00.000 And if Superman could beat up, you know, the Flash.

00:39:03.000 And I thought if that happened, I would just take my lumps and continue to talk that way for the entire six hour flight to LA. 0.99

00:39:12.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:39:12.000 Because that's what you do. 1.00

00:39:14.000 You know, you make a deal with the devil. 1.00

00:39:16.000 You got to pay the price and go to hell.

00:39:19.000 But then, inevitably what would happen on that plane ride is I'd sort of get bored of talking like that, and then I would slowly get better at enunciating. 0.98

00:39:31.000 And then he'd sort of be like, hey, you just said a big word.

00:39:36.000 And then I would go, yeah, you just, you have to concentrate.

00:39:42.000 Tedious.

00:39:44.000 Tedious!

00:39:44.000 And then I would slowly, over the six hours, get better and better at being normal, and then unbend my wrists.

00:39:52.000 It never happened, but it would be the most evil thing imaginable.

00:39:56.000 And then by the time the plane landed, I'd just go, well, that was easy to figure out.

00:40:00.000 It just takes some determination, and eventually you can beat this horrible disease.

00:40:04.000 I don't know what's the matter with you. 1.00

00:40:06.000 Get your shit together, man. 1.00

00:40:07.000 You gotta fight it more. 1.00

00:40:08.000 It's possible!

00:40:09.000 Yeah, you would make him think it's possible.

00:40:11.000 You'd give him hope.

00:40:12.000 Yeah, try.

00:40:13.000 I go, I don't know what, I don't know why you're not trying.

00:40:16.000 Try.

00:40:17.000 Be better.

00:40:19.000 Be better.

00:40:20.000 Be better.

00:40:21.000 Be better.

00:40:22.000 Be better.

00:40:23.000 Anyway, that was, that was a very dark moment in my life.

00:40:29.000 But let's get back to this.

00:40:30.000 So,

00:40:32.000 He talks about Louis C.K.

00:40:33.000 was heard mocking non-binary identities.

00:40:36.000 Should this guy be getting involved in comedy?

00:40:38.000 It's almost like painters being obsessed with photorealism and saying that someone painted a tree where the lighting wasn't perfectly reflective of where the sun was at the time.

00:40:49.000 Don't get involved in art if you are this obsessed with rules.

00:40:53.000 Critics are pointless.

00:40:55.000 Yeah, unless they're making... But this guy's worse! 0.75

00:40:58.000 He's not just a critic, he's saying, I'm trying to get into this field and I'm disgusted by how racist and politically incorrect it is.

00:41:06.000 And then he talks about the success of Hannah Gadsby's game-changing masterpiece, Nanette.

00:41:11.000 Oh no, he does not.

00:41:12.000 Has also proven beyond doubt that woke comedy is commercially viable.

00:41:17.000 I think that's true, and I think that's bad.

00:41:20.000 And why is non-woke comedy no longer commercially viable?

00:41:24.000 And we all remember Hannah Gadsby's... I haven't watched the whole thing, obviously.

00:41:28.000 I'm male.

00:41:29.000 Insane. 0.95

00:41:30.000 But her stand-up comedy special has her saying, just in the middle of it, she goes, Why was I raped?

00:41:39.000 Why am I meant to feel unsafe around men? 0.98

00:41:44.000 And you're watching it going, uh, I think it's terrible that you're raped. 0.96

00:41:47.000 That's why it's illegal.

00:41:48.000 And we put men in jail.

00:41:50.000 And it sucks that you feel unsafe around men. 0.65

00:41:53.000 We're on the same page. 1.00

00:41:55.000 But, uh, why are you doing this on stage at a fucking comedy show? 0.99

00:41:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:59.000 Why are you talking about gang rape and PTSD, the PTSD that comes from it, as a comedy special?

00:42:09.000 She did have some jokes. 1.00

00:42:10.000 Remember that of, like, the color blue?

00:42:13.000 I guess the color blue is for boys, but it's kind of for girls too. 1.00

00:42:17.000 That's her fucking joke. 1.00

00:42:18.000 Really? 1.00

00:42:19.000 Yeah.

00:42:20.000 The sky's blue.

00:42:21.000 When you're sad, you feel blue.

00:42:24.000 Blue's not a boy's color. 1.00

00:42:25.000 It's like, bitch, shut up. 1.00

00:42:27.000 Yeah, and that's not a thing. 1.00

00:42:30.000 That's the other thing that annoys me about all this super lefty stuff.

00:42:33.000 They're talking about the 50s. 0.92

00:42:35.000 Like they go, you shouldn't beat your kid just because he's gay.

00:42:40.000 It's okay to be gay, you know? 1.00

00:42:42.000 You're not a fucking monster if you're gay. 1.00

00:42:44.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:42:45.000 Yeah, and the color blue and pink, like, guys wear pink all the time.

00:42:50.000 It's kind of like a chic thing to do.

00:42:52.000 You know, rappers, ultra-masculine people, they wear pink for fun.

00:42:55.000 Yeah.

00:42:56.000 They wear all, the whole team.

00:42:57.000 Look at Diplo.

00:42:59.000 The Harlem Diplo, not the DJ.

00:43:03.000 So this goes on and on, I don't know how long I should spend on this, but the battle for equality will not be won by activists alone.

00:43:10.000 We all need to play our part.

00:43:11.000 Sometimes this will mean risking the accusation of being a prude or a killjoy.

00:43:16.000 Anyway, he gets into the latest, this is the important part here, the latest government guidelines would now, hold on I gotta get the right accent,

00:43:26.000 The latest government guidelines would now seem to confirm that this kind of Islamophobia, dressed up as humour, should be subject to investigation.

00:43:33.000 It simply isn't good enough for comedians to cry free speech after every hateful joke as though the laws that govern the rest of us don't apply to them. 1.00

00:43:43.000 He's a fag! 1.00

00:43:45.000 I didn't say it. 1.00

00:43:50.000 We need to make these jokes illegal.

00:43:52.000 Free speech does not include hate speech, which is the biggest misconception of the past three years.

00:43:59.000 Free speech includes all speech.

00:44:01.000 It is not reserved for whether the Rolling Stones are better than the Beatles, and yes, they are.

00:44:09.000 Oh, by the way, speaking of people preaching, the comedians preaching, I also meant to mention all these ex-Nazis like Christopher Picciolini.

00:44:17.000 I talked about this on another podcast.

00:44:19.000 But where these guys used to be Nazi skinheads and then they, you know, they're reformed and then they start these TV shows or these talks where they tell the rest of us what's wrong with hate. 0.74

00:44:30.000 And you're sitting there going, I've never, I've never fag bashed or spray painted a swastika anywhere. 0.93

00:44:36.000 You did.

00:44:38.000 And now you're telling me how to live my life?

00:44:40.000 This is what I don't get.

00:44:42.000 We need to have some respect for our elders at the very least.

00:44:45.000 Why are millennials telling us what's right and wrong about life? 1.00

00:44:50.000 It's, it's amazing the millennial splaining I go through every day and there'll be fucking typos in the instructions. 0.99

00:44:58.000 Okay, should we get to the scrotum? 0.99

00:45:02.000 Of course. 0.91

00:45:04.000 Oh, we have a couple other things.

00:45:06.000 Justin Trudeau is on the front page of Breitbart.

00:45:09.000 I've never seen a Canadian on the front page of Breitbart, and he's in trouble because

00:45:15.000 He's trying to get a contract in Libya, some massive Canadian government contract that would provide thousands of jobs.

00:45:23.000 I can't believe I'm defending Justin Trudeau.

00:45:26.000 And Qaddafi's son is, I guess, running that country now. 0.94

00:45:29.000 What a complete shithole Libya is. 1.00

00:45:32.000 We told Qaddafi that if he cooperated we wouldn't depose him, and then we deposed him right after he cooperated. 1.00

00:45:38.000 We suck! 0.98

00:45:40.000 You know the guy who got Osama Bin Laden? 1.00

00:45:41.000 He did it with the little pap smear, whatever you call it, little mouth thing.

00:45:45.000 He said he was curing this disease that's going around.

00:45:47.000 He needed everyone's, you know, spit.

00:45:50.000 Oh.

00:45:51.000 And that's where he got Osama Bin Laden's DNA. 1.00

00:45:53.000 Oh shit. 0.99

00:45:54.000 Wow, I had no idea. 1.00

00:45:55.000 And so we got him, we got Bin Laden, the doctor said, hey guys, you're welcome, and then we went, fuck you, and left him to rot in a Pakistani prison, which I'm sure is 99.99, it's probably 100% Muslim. 1.00

00:46:07.000 And that guy is the guy who helped the Americans kill, people don't understand too, in Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden is a rock star. 0.99

00:46:15.000 Like you wear Osama Bin Laden t-shirts. 0.70

00:46:18.000 He is their JFK.

00:46:20.000 And this guy helped him get killed. 0.80

00:46:22.000 I'm sure he's dead now. 1.00

00:46:23.000 He probably gets raped with a fucking broken stick five times a day. 1.00

00:46:27.000 What? 1.00

00:46:27.000 Could we not have put him on a plane? 1.00

00:46:29.000 We do the same to our interpreters.

00:46:31.000 We just go, Hey, thanks for interpreting what the jihadists are doing anyway.

00:46:35.000 Bye. 0.96

00:46:37.000 And they're left there to get beheaded, which happens all the time.

00:46:42.000 Anyway, uh, uh,

00:46:45.000 Wait, what was I talking about?

00:46:46.000 Maybe because you can't trust a trader though.

00:46:48.000 If you bring them back here, they're just a fickle trader person.

00:46:53.000 What? 0.97

00:46:54.000 Yes, you can bring back a traitor. 0.99

00:46:55.000 When they're a traitor against ISIS, they're a good traitor. 0.99

00:46:59.000 Meanwhile, we're talking about bringing back that British chick who went over, joined ISIS, fucked about five different guys, has all these different kids with ISIS guys, and they're saying she wants to come back and she's willing to do jail time. 0.98

00:47:11.000 Oh, that's great, thanks. 0.97

00:47:12.000 By the way, the punishment for treason is murder.

00:47:16.000 I mean, capital punishment. 0.99

00:47:17.000 We kill traitors. 0.98

00:47:18.000 That's in the law books. 1.00

00:47:19.000 So, okay, I'm happy to have her come back if she gets killed. 0.97

00:47:22.000 Like, John Walker was his name, John Walker Lynd, the other guy, the bearded white guy terrorist, he came back and he didn't get the death penalty. 1.00

00:47:30.000 The deal is, if you're a traitor and you start shooting American soldiers, you die. 0.99

00:47:37.000 And the reason we don't want her back is because she'll bring her jihadist sons. 1.00

00:47:41.000 And you know that the fathers will eventually have some dumb rule where they're allowed to visit their sons. 0.85

00:47:48.000 Like the guy, what was the Canadian guy we brought back, who Justin Trudeau awarded him 10 million dollars, Omar Khadr. 0.90

00:47:57.000 He tried to kill many Canadian and American Marines.

00:48:00.000 I think he blinded one of them in one eye.

00:48:03.000 And we air-helicoptered him to some German hospital, cured him, and then felt so bad for putting him in Abu Ghraib that the Prime Minister awarded him $10 million for the inconvenience of being held captive as a POW.

00:48:17.000 Meanwhile, his sister funds Jihad. 0.68

00:48:19.000 So he just gives the $10 million to the sister and he goes back to killing more Americans and Canadians. 0.76

00:48:23.000 Anyway, that's a much more egregious crime for Trudeau than this new thing that's getting him all over the news.

00:48:30.000 He apparently had Gaddafi's son, who runs Libya, in Montreal to learn English, which is bizarre.

00:48:39.000 That's like going to Oklahoma to learn how to rap.

00:48:44.000 They send it to Montreal.

00:48:45.000 Hey, I like the way that your hair moves around in the hair.

00:48:49.000 Hey, my name is Gaddafi and I went to Montreal to learn how to speak the English.

00:48:55.000 And now I am the English speaker and I know how to say all the words that the people in Quebec say.

00:49:02.000 And I talk to the Prime Minister about what we are doing with the retard. 1.00

00:49:08.000 But he also Trudeau got him prostitutes lots of prostitutes and He got caught by some broad Who was the Attorney General at the time? 1.00

00:49:21.000 I have a strange take on this you ready for this Mm-hmm bitch shut up 1.00

00:49:27.000 So she's a former Attorney General and her name is Justice Minister Jordi Wilson-Reboul. 0.99

00:49:35.000 And she was outraged that this corruption was going on and tried to expose it. 1.00

00:49:39.000 Trudeau said, put some pressure on her with his top guys and said, bitch, you need to fucking chill out and don't worry about the prostitutes and drop this, okay? 1.00

00:49:48.000 It's something like... 0.99

00:49:50.000 5,000 Canadian jobs.

00:49:52.000 It's good for the economy. 1.00

00:49:54.000 Just cool it with the fucking whores, okay? 1.00

00:49:57.000 He's from North Africa. 1.00

00:49:59.000 It's a shithole. 0.99

00:50:00.000 They don't have the same things. 0.99

00:50:01.000 What am I gonna do?

00:50:02.000 Get him a lemon meringue pie?

00:50:04.000 They don't want that. 0.97

00:50:06.000 And Montreal is so sex positive, it's kind of gross. 0.96

00:50:10.000 Like prostitution there isn't really normal prostitution. 0.99

00:50:15.000 It's like, um... 0.60

00:50:18.000 It's just like there's jack shacks everywhere. 1.00

00:50:20.000 You go to a strip club in Montreal and the woman doesn't have high heel shoes on, she's barefoot, and she's just the farmer's daughter who, you know, comes from a very libidinous background. 1.00

00:50:31.000 Which kind of ruins it for me. 0.99

00:50:33.000 I don't go to strip clubs ever since I had a daughter, but back when I did, I wanted her to be a little tarnished, like a Puerto Rican single mom with shitty tattoos and droopy tits and maybe like a bleeding toe. 1.00

00:50:43.000 I spent about 200 bucks once on this fat Asian chick in Montreal at a disgusting strip club called Cafe Cleopat, and she had white fishnets that were red near her toe because she stubbed her toe and it was bleeding a little bit. 1.00

00:50:57.000 On the white fishnets. 0.98

00:51:12.000 You're a world power.

00:51:13.000 You got the second biggest country landmass wise in the world. 0.99

00:51:18.000 You couldn't get a death spots and prostitutes. 1.00

00:51:21.000 Sorry. 1.00

00:51:22.000 I mean, you're hoisted on your own petard, Justin, you dumb drama teacher. 0.99

00:51:28.000 But it's sort of like when, uh, when, um, the, the VP Joe Biden's son was caught doing cocaine. 0.99

00:51:35.000 I said, I don't want to live in an America where the vice president's son isn't doing cocaine.

00:51:40.000 I mean, I don't think people understand that we're dealing with high stakes here.

00:51:47.000 You know, if you want to have beef with Justin Trudeau, focus on the $10 million he gave to a terrorist.

00:51:52.000 Or with, was it Clinton?

00:51:55.000 No, George W. Bush, where in Iraq they lost a pallet of money that was worth something like $3 billion.

00:52:02.000 Just cash.

00:52:03.000 They lost it.

00:52:04.000 There is a major problem.

00:52:06.000 Talk about the tens of thousands of deaths in unnecessary wars or attacks, or when Obama sends down illegal guns to Mexico, him and Eric Holder shave off the serial numbers, remember Fast and Furious, to make guns look bad, and now you're having major killings with these drug cartels warring because they have state-of-the-art weapons that we sent them.

00:52:26.000 That's a valid beef. 0.99

00:52:28.000 But this shit about, like, Trump said a pussy joke on a bus 10 years ago, or someone said he was racist who has a history of compulsive lying, or Trudeau got some disgusting death spot at some prostitutes. 1.00

00:52:43.000 Big fucking deal. 1.00

00:52:44.000 This goes back to the pussification of America. 1.00

00:52:48.000 Pussification. 0.99

00:52:49.000 It's a very serious pussification. 0.98

00:52:53.000 I also wanted to mention Alex Jones was on Joe Rogan. 0.53

00:52:57.000 And I haven't watched it yet.

00:52:58.000 They talked about Sandy Hook.

00:53:00.000 Which, the Sandy Hook thing, yes. 0.85

00:53:02.000 Ridiculous blunder on Alex's part.

00:53:04.000 Even thinking for a second that it could be fake. 0.87

00:53:07.000 But that was seven years ago.

00:53:10.000 Why is everyone bringing that up now?

00:53:11.000 I'll tell you why.

00:53:12.000 Because there is a war on anyone on the right, and they'll dig up anything.

00:53:16.000 I could have had an affair 15 years ago, and I'd get kicked off of Facebook for infidelity.

00:53:21.000 I mean, the fact that they're going after Michelle Malkin because she was blasphemous to Pakistanis by showing Muhammad cartoons shows you that it's not about the substance.

00:53:32.000 Muhammad cartoons are everywhere, by the way. 0.92

00:53:35.000 It's about shutting down the right on social media before the elections to make Trump lose and it won't affect whether Trump wins or not because it's just making people pissed off these these fucking Lefties they keep digging their own grave like supporting infanticide and saying yeah abortions are okay a day after the baby's born But I thought that I don't want to hear about Sandy Hook I wanted to hear about Alex Jones said Joe Rogan is a patsy for for Twitter and 0.84

00:54:03.000 Did they get, did they address that? 0.96

00:54:06.000 That's the hot gossip.

00:54:07.000 Alex Jones and Joe Rogan had a good hang. 0.99

00:54:10.000 And then I, I believe Alex believes that Joe Rogan was talking shit about him. 0.99

00:54:14.000 And then Joe Rogan, and then Alex started talking shit about Joe Rogan. 0.99

00:54:18.000 That's when I love seeing two dudes get together where they say, what the fuck did you say about me? 0.99

00:54:25.000 Of course, the big takeaway from the interview is Alex Jones saying, I gotta admit, I'm a bit of a retard. 1.00

00:54:31.000 I'm a little retarded.

00:54:32.000 Do you have that clip? 0.94

00:54:33.000 Yeah.

00:54:34.000 Dig that up.

00:54:36.000 So check that out, folks at home.

00:54:40.000 His podcast, Joe and Alex's podcast regularly cracked 10 million.

00:54:45.000 And iTunes refuses to acknowledge that.

00:54:47.000 So you'll see, they'll list Joe Rogan's top podcasts, and many of them will have numbers that are 3 million, 1.5 million, a fraction of what Alex Jones's are, yet the Alex Jones ones don't register.

00:55:03.000 And we just, by the way, this sounds like conspiracy theory shit, but this has all been exploding over the past few days.

00:55:09.000 I'm glad I remembered to mention this. 0.96

00:55:10.000 Project Veritas just discovered that Facebook was developing all these weird algorithms to kill Mike Cernovich.

00:55:16.000 Not literally murder him, but make emojis impossible, and forwarding impossible, and all these other different things impossible.

00:55:26.000 Then there was a quote by Mr. Nashington, Charlie Nash.

00:55:42.000 If you're not on the... And learn to code.

00:55:45.000 Learn to code and non-playable character.

00:55:48.000 Chatelet.

00:55:49.000 Chatelet!

00:55:50.000 That was a doozy.

00:55:51.000 Yeah.

00:55:51.000 A Pepe song that mocks the left.

00:55:54.000 If you type in Chatelet, it'll get you shadowbanned on Facebook. 0.99

00:55:59.000 It's called a fucking joke. 0.99

00:56:01.000 All of these things. 1.00

00:56:02.000 Normie, Zucht.

00:56:03.000 Zucht just means Mark Zuckerberg kicked me off.

00:56:07.000 You cannot say that.

00:56:08.000 And it's funny that the previous Liam Evans kid, the comedian who's working the circuit, he said satire is an important way to speak truth to power and to talk about the tyranny of a society.

00:56:27.000 And here we see criticizing Mark Zuckerberg gets you banned, even if you discuss your ban.

00:56:34.000 So who's in control?

00:56:36.000 Who wields the power here?

00:56:40.000 Got Alex Jones.

00:56:41.000 They then proposed secretly glitching their accounts and stopping them from commenting.

00:56:48.000 Very juicy stuff.

00:56:54.000 I'll be honest with you. 0.98

00:56:55.000 I'm kind of retarded. 0.94

00:57:03.000 That's the thing with Alex Jones.

00:57:04.000 You go for steak with him and the guy is funny.

00:57:07.000 Dude, he's hilarious.

00:57:08.000 He's very funny and he's very quiet.

00:57:10.000 Oh really?

00:57:10.000 Yeah.

00:57:12.000 I've been out for dinner with him a few times and he's not a gregarious guy.

00:57:18.000 He's not the guy.

00:57:20.000 On TV.

00:57:20.000 And you know, I'm not saying he's a character and he's faking.

00:57:24.000 On TV, he is just bombastic and exciting because he wants you to get your money's worth.

00:57:29.000 But when you go get a steak with him, which he'll pay the most expensive steaks you'll ever have. 1.00

00:57:33.000 Fucking delicious shit. 1.00

00:57:35.000 He's just a quiet, funny guy in a really fast car that likes to rev the engine. 1.00

00:57:40.000 Okay.

00:57:42.000 So we're almost done the show.

00:57:45.000 I think it's time to get into what I like to call a new segment of the show that's called The Scrotum.

00:57:52.000 Ah.

00:57:53.000 You get it?

00:57:54.000 No.

00:57:55.000 Um, it's a mail bag.

00:57:57.000 Ah, yes.

00:57:59.000 It's a mail bag.

00:58:01.000 Oh! 0.60

00:58:05.000 You write me letters, they're in the mail bag. 0.99

00:58:08.000 My balls are a mail bag. 0.99

00:58:14.000 Anthony does it way better. 0.99

00:58:15.000 Anthony does it better than Andrew Dice Clay.

00:58:20.000 I gotta say, I'm not a character guy.

00:58:22.000 You don't like to play?

00:58:26.000 Well, Larry the Cable Guy, I think, is a good comedian.

00:58:30.000 That's a character, so maybe that's an exception, but just be yourself.

00:58:33.000 I mean, I guess I'm a character with Miles McInnes.

00:58:36.000 What?

00:58:36.000 I mean, my brother.

00:58:38.000 Nothing!

00:58:41.000 Okay, let's go through the scrum.

00:58:44.000 The guy said, uh, I just got back from Pamela Anderson's house and boy are my barbs wired.

00:58:50.000 I love that, yeah.

00:58:51.000 I don't know why I hate that one, but I just did.

00:58:53.000 So he was hurt.

00:58:55.000 And he sent me one his 10 year old daughter came up with.

00:58:58.000 I just finished hanging lost dog posters all day and boy are my arms flyers.

00:59:04.000 Again, I don't know why that sucks, but it does. 1.00

00:59:07.000 Your 10 year old daughter, uh, fucked up. 1.00

00:59:10.000 The farms mired is... I feel like it has to be both arms and tired have to be used. 1.00

00:59:14.000 You can't just, or else you just come up with puns for tired.

00:59:19.000 I just flotflakflumflameca and boy are my flarms flired.

00:59:25.000 I just flew back from- this is another guy, Phil.

00:59:27.000 I won't say people's full names.

00:59:29.000 I just flew back from a fist fight with a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow in Ireland and boy are my charms acquired.

00:59:38.000 That, I think, would have been good. 0.92

00:59:40.000 You could kill at the end of a rainbow in Ireland. 0.99

00:59:45.000 Yeah, that's wordy. 0.56

00:59:45.000 All you need is, I just flew back from a fist fight with a leprechaun and boy are my charms acquired. 0.56

00:59:53.000 What else do we got here?

00:59:56.000 That one's boring.

00:59:58.000 Oh, okay, you ready for some abuse?

01:00:00.000 Yep, yep.

01:00:01.000 Alright, it's from Aaron.

01:00:04.000 Les Ryan, please.

01:00:06.000 He's a great guy, but you're correct when you yell at him for not being good at talking.

01:00:13.000 That's a big part of a person.

01:00:16.000 Talking.

01:00:16.000 The way in which they speak.

01:00:17.000 What else is there? 0.99

01:00:18.000 No one talks about whether you eat okay or you shit okay. 0.99

01:00:22.000 My friend John did a video on me. 0.98

01:00:28.000 And he's going into how I'm a woman, because I said I was going to do a podcast with him and I didn't.

01:00:34.000 Is that a woman thing? 1.00

01:00:36.000 He was like, I don't... Well, no, I guess I flaked out and he was like, Ryan's a woman.

01:00:41.000 But neat.dreams is his thing.

01:00:44.000 Anyway, he goes into it and then he says that, I don't know, he's not good at talking or whatever.

01:00:48.000 He might have pheromones that just come off him.

01:00:50.000 Why does he get any gig whatsoever?

01:00:53.000 Yeah.

01:00:53.000 How does he get anywhere?

01:00:55.000 You don't get gigs.

01:00:55.000 You get to be on Bill Shultz's show and entertain the eight people who watch it.

01:00:59.000 I'm pretty happy with my level of success.

01:01:02.000 Bless you.

01:01:03.000 He's just not ready to be allowed to talk whenever he wants.

01:01:05.000 He never makes any sense, which I believe you just proved.

01:01:07.000 Yes.

01:01:09.000 Another guy named Craig sent in, I just got back from a pyromaniac convention and boy are my arms fires.

01:01:18.000 I've got an orthodox Jew here who

01:01:23.000 I was talking about that woman on the bus in Disney World or Disneyland.

01:01:27.000 Apparently that's a big deal to get those wrong with the Disney people.

01:01:34.000 Because she was sitting on the ground with her daughter, and he assumed she was a babysitter.

01:01:37.000 He said, why are these childless babysitters whose job is owning the mag guys on Twitter always so tired?

01:01:43.000 They're just constantly exhausted, quote-unquote sick of dealing with racists on the daily, and just generally low energy.

01:01:50.000 Part of their inability to argue is that when you hit a point, they don't know, they just go back to being a toddler who's up past your bedtime having a tired spell.

01:01:58.000 Anyway, he goes on and on and on, and he's got a point.

01:02:00.000 When you talk to these feminists online, they always have this, ugh, humdrum, ugh. 1.00

01:02:05.000 I remember that in college, too.

01:02:07.000 Every time two people would say, hey, how you doing?

01:02:09.000 They'd just go, ugh, I'm so tired.

01:02:13.000 I need a coffee or something.

01:02:14.000 I don't know what it is, too.

01:02:15.000 I had like nine hours of sleep last night.

01:02:17.000 I heard that sentence, sentences, maybe 1,000 times when I was in university.

01:02:23.000 I never understood it, too.

01:02:24.000 Maybe there's a way, I think it maybe means I'm sensing that I'm being socially awkward right now.

01:02:30.000 So I'm going to explain it away by pretending I'm not myself right now.

01:02:34.000 I'm not at my best.

01:02:35.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.90

01:02:37.000 I know I'm sucking right now, I'm just really tired. 0.89

01:02:39.000 I don't think there's any time when people are more insecure than when they're in college. 0.96

01:02:45.000 Like they say when you're in your teens, you're getting a new body every week.

01:02:48.000 You better not be vaping.

01:02:53.000 Yeah, you're getting a new body every week.

01:02:53.000 I'm not.

01:02:56.000 Just do anything?

01:02:59.000 You know, college students are the ones who made up that whole interrogative tone, where you go, I feel like I'm maybe like, not that intelligent right now.

01:03:08.000 And I have to make every statement sound interrogative by coming up at the end.

01:03:15.000 I think New Zealand people made that up.

01:03:17.000 That's New Zealand?

01:03:18.000 Yeah, they always do that.

01:03:20.000 And at the end of their sentences?

01:03:21.000 I thought of a fun way to piss off people in New Zealand.

01:03:24.000 Tell them that they're in Australia. 0.90

01:03:26.000 Ooh.

01:03:27.000 Because there's Australia the country and Australia the continent.

01:03:30.000 And they are technically in the continent of Australia.

01:03:32.000 So when they go, we're not in Australia, we're seven hours away by plane.

01:03:35.000 And you go, no, you're in Australia.

01:03:38.000 That probably pissed them off.

01:03:39.000 Nah, you're Indians. 1.00

01:03:41.000 Another Louis CK joke.

01:03:43.000 I've noticed people get really pissed too when you tell them how to pronounce their name or you tell them that their name is spelled wrong.

01:03:48.000 Like Steven Crowder's dad is named Darren and it's a weird spelling.

01:03:53.000 Like a Y? 0.98

01:03:54.000 D-A-R-R-E-N or something. 0.99

01:03:56.000 No, I-N. 0.99

01:03:58.000 And I was like, he's always very congenial.

01:04:00.000 But I go, nah, pretty sure it's E-N. 1.00

01:04:03.000 And he goes, I know how to spell my name.

01:04:07.000 I don't think you do.

01:04:08.000 It's been around a while, my friend, and it is an EN name.

01:04:14.000 No, it's not.

01:04:15.000 At any rate...

01:04:17.000 Okay, here's one from a guy named Andrew.

01:04:19.000 I just flew back from the never-going-to-be-president Democratic convention, and boy are my toms styred.

01:04:25.000 Oh, jeez.

01:04:26.000 You know what I'm realizing now?

01:04:27.000 I like it, though.

01:04:27.000 This is an art.

01:04:29.000 It's sort of like rating girls from 1 to 10.

01:04:31.000 You think it's a science, because hotternot.com, there'd be like 350,000 people that called this girl a 7.4, so it seems

01:04:39.000 Like it's a science, but you know pop songs are incredibly popular.

01:04:43.000 That doesn't mean you can scientifically quantify what makes them good.

01:04:48.000 Yeah, there's no science to this.

01:04:50.000 I just made one up.

01:04:51.000 Okay.

01:04:51.000 Tell me what you think.

01:04:52.000 I just got back from filing out application for my limbs and boy are my arms hired.

01:05:00.000 Yeah.

01:05:01.000 I mean it works.

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:04.000 Just doesn't do the trick.

01:05:07.000 If you were going to an arm wrestling convention, that would be okay, but now you have the word arms twice in a joke, and for some reason you're not allowed to have the same word twice in a joke.

01:05:15.000 Wait, did I?

01:05:15.000 No, I know, I know.

01:05:15.000 I'm trying to prove it, though.

01:05:16.000 I just got back from filing out a limb application.

01:05:21.000 I said limbs instead of arms.

01:05:23.000 Oh, here's a good one.

01:05:24.000 This is from a guy named Joe. 1.00

01:05:27.000 Go back to Compound for fuck's sake, the idea of you having your own paid sub-site is retarded! 1.00

01:05:33.000 Nobody wants to pay multiple companies. 0.99

01:05:34.000 Compound could help raise the prices, blah blah blah.

01:05:37.000 Even Reddit agrees, and he sends me a link on Reddit that has, why isn't Gavin going back to Compound Media, and has three comments.

01:05:47.000 So, this is what I mean about these guys.

01:05:51.000 Like, I've started a million companies, made millions and millions of dollars, and some child named Joe is telling me how to conduct my career.

01:06:01.000 Look at this guy.

01:06:04.000 Okay, here's a Ryan diss.

01:06:05.000 Oh, we're almost done.

01:06:07.000 Gavin.

01:06:09.000 This is called, the subject is Ryan's laugh.

01:06:12.000 From a guy named Tony.

01:06:13.000 Gavin, please, for the love of God, forbid Ryan from laughing during the pod.

01:06:17.000 It's the worst thing I've ever heard.

01:06:20.000 Obviously, you're funny.

01:06:21.000 I mean, that is obvious. 0.99

01:06:23.000 And I can't really blame him for cracking up, but for fuck's sakes, man, it's worse than nails on a chalkboard. 0.98

01:06:29.000 He sounds like a retard who's, spelled wrong, just got, I love when people have a typo. 0.98

01:06:37.000 Like Nick Oakes, the Proud Boy, who said, I go to a SJW college, 1.00

01:06:42.000 Where everyone's an idiot, and he spelled college collage. 1.00

01:06:44.000 And calls somebody an idiot right afterwards? 1.00

01:06:46.000 Yeah, well he didn't literally say idiot, but it was like making fun of his collage and how stupid everyone is. 1.00

01:06:52.000 Uh, sounds like a retard. 1.00

01:06:53.000 Who's, W-H-O-S-E. 1.00

01:06:56.000 Uh, who's is an abbreviation of who has.

01:06:59.000 So you just go W-H-O apostrophe S. Just got given a piece of candy or something, and I'd prefer not to hate him with everything I have.

01:07:07.000 Thanks.

01:07:13.000 Um, guy writing about being in Disneyland, he said that he liked it, roller coasters are fun, he said he hated show tunes, and the childless couples were everywhere. 0.99

01:07:26.000 That is true, it is disturbing how many childless couples are at Disneyland. 0.93

01:07:30.000 That, I mean I like the fact that it's families and they like family values and they like to be in a Howard Stern free zone where there's no fucking dick jokes and everything is clean and wholesome. 0.95

01:07:41.000 I get that and I appreciate that. 0.88

01:07:43.000 But when you don't have kids and you're just a Disney buff and you have a Mickey Mouse ankle tattoo, like some of them are sort of nu metal looking.

01:07:52.000 They'd have like gauges and shit and Mickey Mouse shirts on and we got this app that would show you how long the lineups were and my wife was showing me at 1130 it was jammed like there was still tons of people and still different lineups and oh this rides down to about five minute wait.

01:08:11.000 So there's a bunch of people there, and there's no booze at the Magic Kingdom.

01:08:14.000 And they check you for liquids when you walk in.

01:08:16.000 So there's a bunch of sober adults running around Disneyland.

01:08:20.000 Actually, that's how the Proud Boys started. 0.98

01:08:22.000 Ben Ratner, the engineer at Kumia's show, was a virgin, 24-year-old virgin, who I was trying to make into a man, and he went to Disneyland with his fucking friends, a bunch of 24-year-olds, 0.99

01:08:38.000 And there was no fucking Timmy Head. 0.99

01:08:39.000 And some of them were girls. 0.99

01:08:42.000 How autistic is that?

01:08:45.000 That's pure Asperger's. 0.98

01:08:47.000 Wow, that was gross.

01:08:49.000 What's that from?

01:08:50.000 I don't know.

01:08:52.000 On a soundboard?

01:08:53.000 There's a guy saying, wow, that was gross.

01:08:54.000 Oh, you know what it's from?

01:08:55.000 A singing competition show.

01:08:56.000 And these guys were just like, doo-wop, doo-doo. 0.79

01:09:00.000 And they finished their song.

01:09:00.000 And the guy staring at him, he's like, that was gross.

01:09:04.000 They just tried their best. 1.00

01:09:06.000 He's like, fuck you. 1.00

01:09:08.000 Some guy enjoyed My Dad, the podcast with the dad. 1.00

01:09:11.000 And he was reminded of

01:09:14.000 A story that I'll just repeat here that I've told a million times about how I realized my dad's really smart and we don't talk enough.

01:09:20.000 I don't take advantage of his giant library brain enough.

01:09:23.000 So we were at a Thai restaurant where they're all dressed up with the little, you know, neck collars and I said, uh, Dad, what's the deal with Thailand?

01:09:31.000 Is it a monarchy or they have a king still?

01:09:35.000 What's the deal?

01:09:37.000 How old is that country?

01:09:38.000 Is it Buddhist?

01:09:39.000 I don't know much about Thailand besides, you know.

01:09:42.000 And he interrupts me and he goes, Well, let's see. 1.00

01:09:44.000 You can fuck a child for the price of a pint. 1.00

01:09:47.000 So that should usually tell you that level of shithole we're dealing with. 1.00

01:09:52.000 And he yelled that at a Thai restaurant where 0.53

01:09:57.000 He's got a very elegant, soothing voice.

01:09:58.000 I was noticing on the podcast. 0.91

01:10:27.000 Monster criminal. 1.00

01:10:28.000 Violent asshole. 1.00

01:10:29.000 Monster criminal, violent asshole. 1.00

01:10:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:32.000 So when he's being recorded, you'll notice this with all mobsters and murderers too.

01:10:37.000 They're like, hello.

01:10:39.000 Oh, I'm very enchanted to be on your podcast.

01:10:42.000 If I could tell you something that I would recommend that you have maybe some hors d'oeuvres when you walk into the studio, you know, little peanuts or something like that.

01:10:50.000 They start getting more aggressive.

01:10:52.000 They never leave eye contact.

01:10:53.000 Yeah, you know he's at a bar with his friends going, here's the deal with Tony. 0.99

01:10:57.000 I don't want him to just get fucking stabbed with an ice pick. 1.00

01:11:00.000 I want you to reach up his ass, grab his fucking, I don't know what's up there, is the rectum a thing? 1.00

01:11:06.000 And just fucking rip it out. 1.00

01:11:07.000 Then his wife walks in, hey honey, how you doing there? 1.00

01:11:10.000 Take a seat.

01:11:10.000 You usually do not enter this bar.

01:11:12.000 This is more of a guy's bar.

01:11:13.000 How about you wait outside and I would love to talk to you out there.

01:11:16.000 That's my dad.

01:11:17.000 How are you my boy?

01:11:19.000 Alright, this is another example of millennial-splaining.

01:11:22.000 So this is from Kevin.

01:11:23.000 He goes,

01:11:31.000 Screaming really loud like a baby and taking advantage of motherly instincts, so then he goes solution give those women something more important to worry about Diseases sort by the average age of death of the disease so focus first on diseases that kill babies Then scream really loudly about those and drown out the ugly sad deranged people and more focus on those diseases is actually a good thing even if it's a bumbling government funding it blah blah blah blah

01:11:56.000 So that is the weirdest advice I've ever received.

01:12:00.000 What's the number one death for babies? 0.97

01:12:04.000 Me.

01:12:04.000 Asphyxiation?

01:12:06.000 Abortion? 0.89

01:12:09.000 Low birth weight.

01:12:11.000 All right, so he wants us to go to a rally and say, low birth weight!

01:12:16.000 We need to help babies with low birth weight!

01:12:19.000 And that's gonna shut up insane social justice warriors? 1.00

01:12:23.000 What a shitty, stupid, terrible, even in a movie, I'd go, this writer sucks. 1.00

01:12:30.000 Kevin, you're a tard, okay? 1.00

01:12:33.000 If you're going to give advice, have tried it out at least once or twice. 1.00

01:12:37.000 You talk like a f**k and your s**t's all retarded. 1.00

01:12:40.000 It's like, uh, you don't have to beep those anymore. 1.00

01:12:42.000 It's like, um, uh, Bill Hicks said when he said, you know, LSD made someone jump off a building because they thought they could fly.

01:12:49.000 And Bill Hicks goes, big deal! 1.00

01:12:51.000 We lost a moron! 1.00

01:12:53.000 Why didn't he try it out on the ground first? 1.00

01:12:56.000 Get a running start.

01:12:56.000 Right.

01:12:57.000 Get good at it.

01:12:59.000 You don't want to start at the top of a building.

01:13:01.000 Similarly, when you're giving advice, maybe have tried it once.

01:13:06.000 Dylan would like me to do a podcast with me mum.

01:13:10.000 Oh yeah, Pete Clownworld, the demand for having the McInnis couple, my parents, telling the Germans the truth about their failed country. 0.99

01:13:16.000 Now, after I did the podcast with my parents, we met another German couple in a hotel.

01:13:22.000 We were at this spring training hotel, Gardens Inn or something.

01:13:27.000 Did you just have a vape?

01:13:28.000 No, it was a toothpick.

01:13:30.000 No it wasn't.

01:13:32.000 Why are you exhaling weird then?

01:13:35.000 Zero vape.

01:13:36.000 That was a toothpick I just threw in there, but I thought it was old.

01:13:39.000 All right.

01:13:40.000 So, um, this was the weirdest German couple I ever met. 1.00

01:13:43.000 They were old, Heidi and fucking Hans or something. 0.98

01:13:47.000 And they go, yes, well, the trouble with Germany, of course, is Islam is seemingly incompatible. 0.99

01:13:54.000 And, you know, it's getting worse and worse.

01:13:56.000 And I think we're reaching a point of no return, you know, with Germany and especially we live in Berlin.

01:14:03.000 And I think it's getting quite bad in Berlin.

01:14:06.000 What the hell were they doing in Port St.

01:14:08.000 Lucie?

01:14:09.000 They're not Mets fans.

01:14:11.000 Let's go to a random Florida town in March that has nothing but strip malls and not much of a beach because it's too cold to swim.

01:14:20.000 Maybe because it's Disney, because Disney's very Germanic.

01:14:22.000 Disney's miles from- Like you said, it's two hours from- Oh.

01:14:25.000 That's Orlando.

01:14:26.000 But thank you for your two cents, Millennial. 0.60

01:14:30.000 So I'm talking to them and they're talking about Islam, aren't there problems there? 1.00

01:14:35.000 And then he said, and I go, well, you know, that's the problem with Merkel.

01:14:38.000 She's childless and she doesn't care. 0.98

01:14:39.000 Oh, Merkel is a genius.

01:14:42.000 Uh-oh.

01:14:42.000 I said, pardonnez-moi?

01:14:44.000 They go, no, Merkel's very intelligent.

01:14:46.000 The problem with her is that she's Christian. 1.00

01:14:48.000 What?

01:14:49.000 She's the head of the Communist Party. 0.60

01:14:50.000 No, that's not true.

01:14:52.000 Yes, when she was a young girl, she was the head of the Communist Youth Brigade or whatever.

01:14:56.000 No, absolutely not.

01:14:58.000 What?

01:14:59.000 That's just a fact.

01:15:00.000 No, it is not.

01:15:01.000 That's a rumor.

01:15:02.000 That's not true.

01:15:04.000 Okay.

01:15:06.000 You think she's... Yes, she's very smart.

01:15:08.000 Unfortunately, her parents are quite Christian and they made it such that she wants to make up for all the terrible things Germany has done. 1.00

01:15:17.000 So she lets too many refugees in perchance, but she's very... What the fuck? 1.00

01:15:22.000 How are you staring in the face of the problem and going, Merkel, I love you. 0.99

01:15:28.000 You're so intelligent, but maybe it's like Merkel is responsible for this problem. 1.00

01:15:35.000 Germans are so fucking frustrating. 0.99

01:15:37.000 You know, when you live, when you, I've lived in a lot of different countries and done a lot of traveling and when you meet different people and you, maybe you date a chick in Germany and you go, you know what? 0.99

01:15:46.000 We're kind of the same.

01:15:48.000 We're just have different accents.

01:15:50.000 And then a few days go by, maybe a week, and you go, yeah, we are inexorably different down to our spines. 0.98

01:16:00.000 That's why when I say the West is the best, I'm taking a big shit on fucking like, actually, I guess Germany is included in the West, but people that would seemingly be Western. 1.00

01:16:12.000 Like, fuck them all. 1.00

01:16:13.000 I don't give a shit about Venezuela. 1.00

01:16:16.000 Why are we talking about going over there? 1.00

01:16:18.000 They democratically elected a loser, and their country sucks. 1.00

01:16:23.000 Sorry. 1.00

01:16:23.000 It's like student loans. 1.00

01:16:25.000 You signed up for it.

01:16:26.000 Sorry.

01:16:28.000 All right, I'm starting to get mad. 0.98

01:16:31.000 This is the last of the scrotum, last of the mailbag.

01:16:33.000 If there's another Ryan Diss when I have a Ryan, I have a pro Ryan, uh, voicemail comment thing from my Instagram. 0.51

01:16:41.000 Oh, here we go.

01:16:41.000 You want to hear it?

01:16:43.000 Yeah.

01:16:43.000 And I should, I should acknowledge maybe some are jealous cause they, they love me and they wish they were my sidekick.

01:16:49.000 Yeah, I literally got a message the other day, I would love to sit in the back of an Uber with Gavin.

01:16:54.000 I was like, it's not that great.

01:16:57.000 It's fucking hilarious when he did the, it's just, you know, that's very fanboyish thing to say. 0.72

01:17:04.000 I don't want to sit in the back of Uber with anybody. 0.93

01:17:06.000 Yeah.

01:17:06.000 I've noticed with fans, their enemies are very similar to, and they want to fight you.

01:17:12.000 So some guy will be like stalking me and I'll just ignore him and he'll send me stuff.

01:17:16.000 I want to send you my book or I want to send you something.

01:17:17.000 I just keep ignoring him.

01:17:18.000 And he's like, help.

01:17:20.000 I'd like to fight you.

01:17:21.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:17:22.000 Fight you for charity. 0.98

01:17:23.000 We give the money to charity, which is kind of gay. 1.00

01:17:26.000 Cause it's like, I want to get physically close to you and you, you make me so emotional. 0.99

01:17:31.000 I want to grab you and shake you.

01:17:33.000 Eminem Stan.

01:17:35.000 But yeah, that video of the Uber thing is on my Patreon.

01:17:38.000 Can I plug that?

01:17:40.000 I guess.

01:17:42.000 Why don't you plug the fact that you're a homeless man with a hat on the sidewalk and a cardboard sign that says, any little bit helps?

01:17:50.000 Well, I'm providing content that is exclusive to this.

01:17:54.000 There's things you won't see.

01:17:55.000 Oh, okay, so you're different. 0.79

01:17:55.000 You're like the homeless man with a monkey and a little organ grinder who will do a trick. 0.79

01:18:00.000 I'll tell you a secret if you give me a dollar. 0.99

01:18:02.000 He's a juggling hobo. 0.99

01:18:04.000 You wanna hear this guy?

01:18:04.000 Yeah.

01:18:05.000 Sure.

01:18:06.000 Dude, for real. 0.99

01:18:11.000 What the fuck is Gavin's problem? 1.00

01:18:13.000 Like, tell him to stop fucking belittling you on a fucking podcast before I have to come and fucking give him a proper English head kicking and kick his fucking teeth in, mate. 1.00

01:18:25.000 Yeah? 1.00

01:18:26.000 You have valuable contributions and he always fucking belittles what you have to say. 0.92

01:18:32.000 Tell him, as a fan, 0.99

01:18:35.000 Let Ryan Katsu Rivera fucking speak. 1.00

01:18:38.000 When you chime in, I like it. 0.99

01:18:38.000 That's me. 0.99

01:18:41.000 I like what you have to say. 0.99

01:18:42.000 And he's always fucking insulting you. 0.99

01:18:44.000 Tell him to fucking relax. 1.00

01:18:46.000 Hey, are you fucking relaxed? 0.99

01:18:48.000 What did we do to the English accent? 0.99

01:18:49.000 Is that Jim Bear Grylls?

01:18:51.000 Tell him that I like when you talk.

01:18:54.000 Yeah?

01:18:55.000 I like when you talk.

01:18:56.000 You're not from the area.

01:18:57.000 That's my favorite part.

01:18:58.000 You're not from the borough.

01:18:59.000 You're not from the ends.

01:19:01.000 It's such a simple statement.

01:19:02.000 When you talk, I like it.

01:19:04.000 I'm like, that is such a simple, caveman-ish way to say... Whatever happened to East London?

01:19:08.000 What are you doing?

01:19:09.000 Don't muck about! 0.99

01:19:10.000 Now it's this weird Jamaican, like, pirate radio, you know, the streets kind of guys, like Dizzy Rascal and all that shit. 1.00

01:19:10.000 That's done. 1.00

01:19:19.000 You're fit and I like it?

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:21.000 Who ate all the pies? 0.99

01:19:24.000 All right, so that's a nice one from someone who lives in a council estate in East London that you had, a Croydon maybe, that you had to, you played me that like a year ago.

01:19:33.000 So you had to travel halfway around the world and dig up something that was basically an antique to find a compliment.

01:19:40.000 But okay, Indiana Jones, you're the Indiana Jones of compliments.

01:19:43.000 You find them in some abandoned ark in the Aztec forest and then a giant boulder's chasing you.

01:19:49.000 I like you, Bear Grylls. 0.96

01:19:54.000 Sorry for laughing like a retard. 1.00

01:19:56.000 No, wait, Bear Grylls is the survivalist. 0.90

01:19:57.000 Bear Gyalls means lots of girls.

01:20:00.000 Bear Gyalls. 0.77

01:20:02.000 Um, okay, here we go. 0.99

01:20:03.000 Last thing of the scrotum. 0.95

01:20:05.000 Your most recent podcast with people walking around and making noise was 10 times better than the previous one. 0.97

01:20:09.000 So that's the one I did at the Hard Rock Cafe, Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando. 1.00

01:20:13.000 Uh, so much better than the previous one with Ryan blabbering and sucking on his stupid vape. 0.99

01:20:19.000 By the way, folks at home, he does that on the show occasionally. 1.00

01:20:22.000 I work with him in the studio.

01:20:24.000 I hear all day. 0.84

01:20:25.000 I don't give too much of a ****.

01:20:30.000 So then he vapes, and then, being Asian, he'll have hot soup noodles and some hot tea. 0.98

01:20:36.000 So if he's not going... And he's a chain smoker. 0.66

01:20:42.000 I mean, it's all fucking morning with the... And then finally, okay, lunch comes around. 0.88

01:20:47.000 And then the noodles come and it's... And then the tea is all... 0.95

01:20:54.000 And he goes, I'm Asian.

01:20:55.000 It shows how we appreciate our food. 1.00

01:20:58.000 Meanwhile, your fucking Japanese dad walked out on you when you were like an embryo. 1.00

01:21:02.000 Yeah, he left me the one thing that would annoy you. 1.00

01:21:04.000 No, he didn't leave you shit, dude. 1.00

01:21:05.000 The only thing Asian about you is your slopey eyes. 1.00

01:21:08.000 You're a Puerto Rican, and Puerto Ricans don't get a slope pass. 1.00

01:21:12.000 I mean a slurp pass. 0.61

01:21:13.000 Slope pass.

01:21:16.000 It's the funniest mistake I ever made. 0.99

01:21:18.000 Oh shit, I gotta tell you. 0.99

01:21:19.000 I'm at boxing, and we're doing this Strength and Conditioning Day, which is just a way to turn your thighs into AIDS, where you walk like a geriatric for the next two days. 1.00

01:21:29.000 I don't know why we gotta make our legs so strong.

01:21:31.000 I already have Superman's legs.

01:21:33.000 I have Superman's legs and Grover's upper body.

01:21:35.000 Can we develop the arms, please?

01:21:37.000 But anyway, I'm with some Irish blue-collar dude, a real bonafide boxer, you know, broken nose type of look.

01:21:45.000 We were doing yoga at the end.

01:21:47.000 And I go, like, we're doing upward dog and stuff.

01:21:49.000 And I go, hey, coach, isn't this for girls?

01:21:52.000 And some other guy jokes, he says, yeah, just say namaste. 0.99

01:21:57.000 And then the Irish guy next to me, he mumbles, yeah, namaste away from this fucking class. 0.99

01:22:05.000 Dude, that's fuck and it was like I don't want to ruin jokes by overanalyzing but not knows it. 1.00

01:22:09.000 I'm a stay away. 0.99

01:22:10.000 It's nah I'm uh, so it's like doing ebonics in the Nama not now. 1.00

01:22:15.000 I'm a stay away from this fuck. 1.00

01:22:17.000 What was the timing of? 1.00

01:22:20.000 Mumbled it to like now I'm gonna stay away from this fucking class. 0.99

01:22:23.000 It's hilarious. 0.99

01:22:24.000 I fucking did a Ryan retard laugh And then this Puerto Rican guy goes, oh we joking now I 1.00

01:22:32.000 Which I thought was a really weird response. 0.99

01:22:33.000 Yeah, that was very weird.

01:22:36.000 Either laugh or don't laugh, but don't say, oh, are we joking now? 0.98

01:22:39.000 Anyway, fucking brilliant line, Shug, if you're listening. 1.00

01:22:44.000 All right. 0.99

01:22:44.000 I think at one point he even pissed with his mic on. 0.99

01:22:48.000 Ryan was, past tense, cool and funny when you guys did CRTV shows, as you kept him in check.

01:22:53.000 But allowing him to pretend he's a co-host is the worst thing for you guys moving forward.

01:22:59.000 It keeps going.

01:23:00.000 Imagine typing out all of this.

01:23:02.000 Yeah, he does not like me.

01:23:03.000 I hear you tell him all the time to stop, but he's talking more and more.

01:23:06.000 How many times is he going to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?

01:23:10.000 And let's not forget the annoying, hmm, after he inhales.

01:23:16.000 Sorry to bash on you Ryan, but stick to the funny impersonations and let Gavin do what he's been doing for years Short concise and confident speaking are not in your wheelhouse Maybe actually listen to the podcast as well.

01:23:29.000 So you can comprehend when Gavin repeats the story.

01:23:32.000 Oh, is that it?

01:23:33.000 Is that a diss on me?

01:23:34.000 Yeah, I think I'm supposed to be see the heat.

01:23:36.000 I'm not a co-host.

01:23:37.000 I'm not nothing I shouldn't talk but I should reel you in when you repeat stories and

01:23:41.000 Yeah, OK, that's what he's saying.

01:23:44.000 You made this argument a long time ago.

01:23:45.000 I want to make the argument for repeating stories.

01:23:47.000 Yeah, me too.

01:23:48.000 It makes it iconic.

01:23:49.000 The Stones play satisfaction at every show.

01:23:52.000 I've heard Anthony Cumia talk about that chick Bubbles, or whatever her name was, who lost his virginity to.

01:23:57.000 Buzz.

01:23:59.000 I don't want to hear it every day, but I can hear him tell that story.

01:24:03.000 Once every couple months and it's kind of relaxing.

01:24:05.000 Yes it is.

01:24:06.000 It's cathartic and now other people know that story so they can tell other people.

01:24:10.000 It shares your legacy.

01:24:11.000 That's how you build a legacy.

01:24:12.000 Memorability.

01:24:15.000 I don't know about that.

01:24:16.000 No, it makes it memorable, I think.

01:24:18.000 Like, the story about me pretending I was handicapped, I've told that a million times.

01:24:22.000 But, like, I was hanging out with my dad, who's 75, and 100% of the stories he told for the four days we were together, I'd heard.

01:24:29.000 In fact, I would say, my joke is like, oh, I remember this one, it's story 37B.

01:24:33.000 But he'd still continue to tell it anyway.

01:24:35.000 That doesn't stop the story, yeah. 1.00

01:24:36.000 Because he's like, fuck you, I enjoy telling this story a lot. 0.99

01:24:42.000 I don't think I talk too much in this one. 1.00

01:24:43.000 Okay, this is the end. 0.99

01:24:46.000 And lastly, holy shit at Crowder crying like a baby over his dog. 0.99

01:24:50.000 It was on your third chair appearance and I can only hope you had to listen to it live. 0.99

01:24:53.000 Does he know he can have an actual child? 0.99

01:24:55.000 Thanks for the bitch session. 1.00

01:24:57.000 Oh, I'm not gonna pick on someone whose dog is dying. 0.96

01:24:59.000 But I gotta say, I think dogs are a substitute for kids and I unfortunately lack empathy when I see people feeling bad about their dog.

01:25:09.000 Like I remember when I was a kid, dogs weren't allowed in the house.

01:25:11.000 And if I remember this, this dog bit my neighbor's face, like the neighbor's dog bit that same neighbor, the girl, and they just took her out the dog out back and shot it with a 22.

01:25:19.000 There was no, then they took her to the hospital.

01:25:23.000 That was the end of that.

01:25:24.000 I don't know.

01:25:25.000 It's a different world.

01:25:27.000 Um,

01:25:29.000 We're done now, so if you were adding something to the very end of the show... No, don't pay attention to it.

01:25:35.000 So you sent me an inside joke that I can't say on the air to end the show.

01:25:40.000 And we're in the scrotum here, in the mailbag, and they're talking about how you wrecked the show.

01:25:46.000 And you ended it by wrecking the show. 0.64

01:25:47.000 I do feel bad about that, but... Alright, that's it for the show.

01:25:53.000 Let's go out on a low note.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 28, 2019

Get Off My Lawn Podcast #117 | Did you ever dream of a bit?

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