Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #101 - CRASS

00:00:02.000 You know, uh dinner darted, dinner darted, dinner darted day, and I danned it.

00:00:16.000 Get off my lawn with Dubai Dante, Dinner Dante, Dinny Dante, I'd like to apologize for not knowing what the song opening song was for today.

00:00:41.000 That's not who I am as a host, as an entertainer.

00:00:45.000 It's not who Ryan is, as whatever the fuck he is.

00:00:49.000 And that's not who we are as a network.

00:00:52.000 So we want to say we apologize.

00:00:54.000 Ryan, do you want to apologize?

00:00:56.000 He is sorry.

00:00:59.000 Okay.

00:00:59.000 Now there's a way we can make it up to you.

00:01:02.000 They couldn't carry a tune to save their lives.

00:01:05.000 Excuse me.

00:01:06.000 Did you recognize that song?

00:01:08.000 It's been in my head all day, and I don't know what it is.

00:01:10.000 It's a very Kurt Cobain kind of vocal.

00:01:14.000 A do Donald Darted. 0.85

00:01:16.000 Dino Darted.

00:01:17.000 Dino Da Dad.

00:01:20.000 And I dare do don't de.

00:01:25.000 That sounds familiar.

00:01:27.000 But what era?

00:01:28.000 Nirvana.

00:01:29.000 So 90s, right?

00:01:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:30.000 Okay, so not just sounding like Nirvana, but like the same.

00:01:32.000 I don't know.

00:01:33.000 I don't think it's modern.

00:01:34.000 You don't dinoo.

00:01:36.000 I think like broken-hearted.

00:01:40.000 What you dare?

00:01:42.000 What you don't dare?

00:01:45.000 That part sounds very familiar.

00:01:46.000 Yeah.

00:01:49.000 Broken-hearted.

00:01:56.000 What you regret?

00:01:59.000 You know that I should be able to sing it into Shazam. 0.98

00:02:02.000 Yeah, they haven't figured that out yet, but you absolutely should.

00:02:05.000 Absolutely should.

00:02:07.000 Got you, no?

00:02:08.000 Foo Fighters?

00:02:09.000 Ooh.

00:02:10.000 Foo Fighters.

00:02:11.000 Yes, it's definitely.

00:02:12.000 Is it definitely Foo Fighters?

00:02:14.000 Is it Monkey Wrench?

00:02:16.000 No, that's Don't Wanna Be.

00:02:18.000 Maybe it's part of Monkey Wrench.

00:02:20.000 Oh, gross.

00:02:21.000 I've been singing Foo Fighters.

00:02:21.000 Because I talked about it.

00:02:23.000 Carried on.

00:02:24.000 Ah, shit.

00:02:26.000 Is that it?

00:02:26.000 Yes.

00:02:27.000 Yeah.

00:02:30.000 That's like when you hear something and you can't remember what it is and you go, I don't know what this is, but I like this.

00:02:35.000 And now I can say proudly that I like this because it's totally objective because I don't know the context.

00:02:42.000 And then you go, oh, it's fucking culture club.

00:02:44.000 Oh, I've been sucking a dick.

00:02:45.000 I've been sucking a dick.

00:02:48.000 Hey, this is my, you take up the blindfold.

00:02:50.000 I've been making out with my mom.

00:02:54.000 Talk about it.

00:02:55.000 Oh, it is.

00:02:58.000 You were so close with Nirvana, too.

00:03:03.000 I mean, I like it.

00:03:03.000 I met Dave Rose, an awesome guy.

00:03:04.000 I met him a couple times.

00:03:05.000 He is a cool guy.

00:03:07.000 Dude, they rock.

00:03:08.000 When I saw them live, I saw them live.

00:03:10.000 No.

00:03:11.000 Well, they're the only rock band that's allowed to rock these days.

00:03:15.000 I remember when my buddy joined them.

00:03:17.000 What?

00:03:17.000 Yeah, Chris, what's his name?

00:03:19.000 Novoselic?

00:03:21.000 My buddy.

00:03:22.000 Hey, Chris, Novoselic.

00:03:23.000 You're lucky you got into the Foo Fighters.

00:03:25.000 What have you ever done before them?

00:03:27.000 He's done a lot.

00:03:28.000 He's not in the Foo Fighters, you fucking human turd.

00:03:31.000 Oh.

00:03:32.000 He was in Nirvana.

00:03:34.000 That's Pap Smear from Scream.

00:03:36.000 He's an icon, and that guy.

00:03:39.000 Wait, maybe it isn't even him.

00:03:41.000 No, I think he's later on.

00:03:43.000 Yeah.

00:03:44.000 Yeah, that's not him.

00:03:48.000 That guy, the gay guy with the blonde hair, he's a hardcore icon, and that was Dave Rohl hiring him as help out, you know, an epic buddy.

00:04:00.000 But yeah, my buddy Chris, I think his name was, joined him, and I just saw him the next year, and his eyes look like the way these glasses make my eyes look.

00:04:09.000 And I was like, dude, are you just doing infinite cocaine?

00:04:13.000 You look like shit.

00:04:17.000 And then he got his shit together, and now he looks great.

00:04:21.000 Chris former members.

00:04:22.000 Yeah, that's him.

00:04:23.000 Chris Schifflett.

00:04:26.000 Oh, shit.

00:04:27.000 When he joined them, he was like 30, and then next year he was 49.

00:04:31.000 He's old Owen Wilson now.

00:04:33.000 Yeah, he looks good there.

00:04:34.000 You should have seen him a year after he joined the band.

00:04:37.000 I mean, I'm sure, I'm not saying they're cokeheads, but you're on tour with the biggest band in the world. 1.00

00:04:40.000 There's going to be like softballs of Coke.

00:04:42.000 I remember Matt Sweeney, who was with Iggy Pop now.

00:04:46.000 He was backstage at his hotel room, and he had a baseball of Coke, a baseball.

00:04:54.000 And he said to his friend, like, this is, what is this?

00:04:59.000 There he is.

00:05:00.000 What are you supposed to do?

00:05:00.000 He was like, this is an addiction in my hand.

00:05:05.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:06.000 Yeah.

00:05:06.000 It's like dating a prostitute.

00:05:08.000 It's like you fuck a prostitute and the deal is you have to keep fucking her for one year. 1.00

00:05:12.000 Well, now you're married.

00:05:15.000 So he just like, I know this is going to sound crazy, but it's balouche.

00:05:20.000 And he just dropped it in the toilet.

00:05:22.000 Wow.

00:05:22.000 Balouche?

00:05:23.000 The water probably went up like 10 feet.

00:05:28.000 I can't believe.

00:05:29.000 So that song wasn't Monkey Wrench, was it?

00:05:31.000 No, it's Big Me.

00:05:33.000 The fake Mentos commercial music video?

00:05:37.000 They parody like Mentos.

00:05:39.000 Awesome dude.

00:05:40.000 And you know what?

00:05:41.000 Or isn't my cup of tea?

00:05:44.000 And they're way shittier than Foo Fighters.

00:05:46.000 But people go to or shows.

00:05:48.000 Ryan probably likes them.

00:05:49.000 He likes everything shitty.

00:05:50.000 Oh, wait, I don't know.

00:05:52.000 Or I talked to, speaking of name-dropping, I talked to Fred Armison about this once when I finally reached that certain age where you're like, you know what?

00:06:01.000 I love it.

00:06:03.000 You guys enjoy your show.

00:06:05.000 80,000 people are dancing around.

00:06:07.000 Who the fuck am I?

00:06:08.000 I like the shittiest music in the world.

00:06:11.000 You know what I did last night?

00:06:12.000 I sat in my front room and I put on Christ the Album by Krass.

00:06:19.000 It is unlistenable to everyone but me and 37 people in the world.

00:06:25.000 I don't want you to like it.

00:06:27.000 It's unlikable.

00:06:28.000 So shut up, me. 0.76

00:06:30.000 Fuck me.

00:06:33.000 Let's listen to Christ.

00:06:55.000 Come on, jump anywhere else.

00:06:58.000 And also, when I listen to it, it reminds me of being 16 and I'm whisked back there.

00:07:02.000 So nostalgia is a huge part of it.

00:07:07.000 Oh, this is great.

00:07:09.000 Come on.

00:07:11.000 This is.

00:07:28.000 What's this one called?

00:07:31.000 Gangs Are About The Rival Rebel.

00:07:34.000 Yeah, this is the song I was listening to last night.

00:07:36.000 I'm good.

00:07:37.000 The Rival Rebel Trebles Meet or something?

00:07:40.000 Damn, I'm good.

00:07:40.000 Rival Tribal Rebels.

00:07:42.000 Rival Tribal Rebel Rebels.

00:07:45.000 Part 2, you know.

00:07:46.000 They sing that really fast.

00:07:48.000 Rebel Trevor Rebels Meet.

00:07:51.000 And he's like, you can stand there on the corner with your anger and your hate.

00:07:55.000 Stand there and fester because you left it too late.

00:07:58.000 And it's sarcastically talking about violent hooligans and stuff and how horrible they are.

00:08:03.000 But now I'm so old that I'm like, yeah, fucking, let's stand there on the corner with our anger and our hate.

00:08:10.000 Like, I like, I don't take it ironically anymore.

00:08:13.000 Same with, they have this song, Burkatek's Bribe.

00:08:15.000 And it's like about sexism and how, you know, with my red high heels, I'm easy prey.

00:08:23.000 I'll be your bonsai, your beautiful bonsai, your black-eyed bonsai, erotically rotting. 1.00

00:08:28.000 And it's all about submission.

00:08:29.000 And it's like, you're supposed to be mad that she's such a slave.

00:08:32.000 And I'm sitting there with a giant heart on now, going, this chick sounds like a catch. 1.00

00:08:38.000 She wants to be slapped around.

00:08:40.000 I got a fucking coconut smasher.

00:08:43.000 So I love their anti-skinhead hooligan stuff now as unironic.

00:08:48.000 Oh, listen to the variety of instruments.

00:08:52.000 Bongos. 0.87

00:08:57.000 And listen to how this goes from bongos to punk.

00:09:01.000 From bongos to punk.

00:09:02.000 The Gavin McKinna story.

00:09:05.000 I was born in Africa.

00:09:07.000 I was raised by Filakuti.

00:09:09.000 And then I moved to London and discovered punk.

00:09:11.000 I'd love to Filaquti.

00:09:15.000 Cherished.

00:09:15.000 Fuck while the naming.

00:09:17.000 Fucked for the naming.

00:09:20.000 As for you, you're a fifth of purity.

00:09:23.000 Well, give me your morals.

00:09:25.000 The filth in my eyes.

00:09:26.000 Pack them away with the rest of your lies.

00:09:29.000 The pain dead pass morals.

00:09:33.000 You've got to hear the segment.

00:09:41.000 One God, yes.

00:09:42.000 One church.

00:09:43.000 One shirt, sure, yep.

00:09:45.000 One husband.

00:09:46.000 One husband?

00:09:47.000 Yep.

00:09:48.000 Support that.

00:09:56.000 Support them hustle.

00:10:00.000 Anyway.

00:10:01.000 So yeah, don't listen to me about the Foo Fighters or OAR or Krass.

00:10:05.000 But you know what happened last night while I was trying to enjoy my little private crass session in the front room with a bourbon that I haven't had at home in many months, but I was buying booze for our new bar, which is in our new studio, and I brought some home.

00:10:18.000 And my wife got Thai takeout.

00:10:21.000 And I like to get the beef, spicy beef.

00:10:24.000 And I had as much as I could, and then it was sitting next to the sink in that big sort of container.

00:10:31.000 And I'm looking at it a little while later, and I think, I believe that hot sauce kills COVID and disease, just the same way booze does.

00:10:40.000 I'm never sick.

00:10:41.000 And I never got COVID.

00:10:44.000 I never got backs, because I'm always ingesting rotten stuff, hot, spicy food.

00:10:49.000 Like, if you lived in my esophagus for an hour, you'd have AIDS.

00:10:53.000 So I'm walking by and I'm thinking, I need to hydrate.

00:10:57.000 I didn't eat enough for dinner.

00:10:59.000 And this is spicy.

00:11:01.000 That's all three.

00:11:03.000 So I go by and I just go, and I drink it down until it's just the beef and the peppers and stuff at the bottom.

00:11:14.000 That was quite spicy.

00:11:16.000 Move on.

00:11:17.000 And then go to the front room, listening to Krass alone, have a sip of whiskey and then go and barf into my mouth, swallow it again.

00:11:26.000 Dude, emergency.

00:11:31.000 How did you say that?

00:11:34.000 I considered calling, my wife had already been gone to bed, and I was like, Emily, this is not a joke.

00:11:42.000 Call 911.

00:11:43.000 I couldn't even talk.

00:11:43.000 I was like, wow.

00:11:45.000 And I took my shirt off, so I'm shirtless, going, holy shit.

00:11:50.000 And the pain was excruciating right up the nose.

00:11:54.000 I'm spitting all over the carpet.

00:11:56.000 Whoa.

00:11:57.000 I go to the other room, shirtless.

00:12:02.000 Not panicking, but unable to breathe.

00:12:05.000 So it was like someone was killing you and you decided it was time to die.

00:12:09.000 Like say you were a prisoner with jihadists and they're like, I was going to do a Japanese accent for something. 0.94

00:12:16.000 You won't tell us who is responsible for killing Osama Pen Lata.

00:12:23.000 I am a jihadist.

00:12:26.000 Because I want to sink a sword into me.

00:12:28.000 So say Japanese people in World War II.

00:12:31.000 You're Luis Fiorpini, whatever his name is, Zampaneri.

00:12:34.000 And they're like, you tell us or we drive the sword.

00:12:36.000 And I was just like, like dying, but not panicking.

00:12:41.000 And then I go, we have a big thing of ash by the fireplace where you put the ash.

00:12:46.000 And sometimes I'll piss in that.

00:12:47.000 Jeez.

00:12:48.000 Because punk rock, man.

00:12:50.000 It's getting absorbed.

00:12:51.000 It's not like you come in the next day and go, ooh, who pissed in the ash?

00:12:55.000 Like, the ash sucks it up.

00:12:57.000 So I go over there and I'm like, And I start like having those pre-puke dry hees.

00:13:05.000 Dude, it didn't go away for one hour.

00:13:08.000 Like, I was, I eventually was able to breathe.

00:13:15.000 But as far as like the excruciating pain in the esophagus, one hour.

00:13:20.000 Dude, you've like really fucked yourself up two days in a row.

00:13:22.000 Like the first one, the chemical smell?

00:13:24.000 Chemical smell?

00:13:25.000 I singe my nose by sniffing my daughter's hair dye. 1.00

00:13:29.000 And then I still have my cracked rib.

00:13:32.000 And then I'm skipping rope at the gym.

00:13:36.000 And I go, I'm getting really good at this.

00:13:38.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:13:39.000 And I put my back out skipping rope.

00:13:41.000 And now if I inhale deeply, actually, it's not so bad right now.

00:13:45.000 But this morning and the past 24 hours before that, it felt like a giant was just putting his thumbs on my spine every time.

00:13:53.000 It's almost like I'm a 50-year-old or something.

00:13:55.000 Jeez, man.

00:13:57.000 Anyway, I'm late for the show and was unable to get the song ready because I got this email from Rolling Stone.

00:14:04.000 And you got to answer those right away or they go, I tried, but you weren't available.

00:14:12.000 And I know after the show, I'm not going to want to sit on my fucking computer answering questions, right?

00:14:20.000 So I stopped preparing for the show and answered her questions.

00:14:23.000 So I thought I'd just share that with you.

00:14:24.000 By the way, this is who runs the media.

00:14:28.000 When you have a bad reputation, which I do have, my son's not invited to a bat mitzvah this weekend that everyone in the entire school is invited to, but his dad's a Nazi, so the American Indian boy can't go to the Jewish girl's coming of age because her father did a satirical video called 10 Things I Hate About the Jews.

00:14:48.000 You've tried to find the logic in any of that.

00:14:51.000 But so you wonder, well, who does ruin your reputation?

00:14:55.000 Is it your fault?

00:14:56.000 No.

00:14:57.000 Well, you made jokes that you knew could be misperceived, mistaken for something else, like 10 Things I Had About the Jews.

00:15:04.000 No, no.

00:15:06.000 I did How to Fight a Baby.

00:15:08.000 I did a video on Sophie Can Walk, How to Make a Baby Walk.

00:15:11.000 I did an article called Divorce Your Wife about how you should divorce your wife, which isn't actually about divorcing your wife.

00:15:18.000 So Jonathan Swift suggested that the Irish poor eat their young.

00:15:22.000 So no, I'm not going to abandon satire because people are desperate to purposely misunderstand satire, misunderstand jokes.

00:15:32.000 But you wonder, well, who is responsible for your reputation?

00:15:36.000 Who runs Wikipedia?

00:15:37.000 Who runs the articles that people cite when they prove that you're a Nazi or whatever?

00:15:41.000 Well, E.J. Dixon is one.

00:15:45.000 She's the E.J. Dixon. 0.96

00:15:47.000 Senior writer at Rolling Stone.

00:15:49.000 So you look at Rolling Stone, you think Hunter S. Thompson.

00:15:51.000 You think of some of the greatest writers of all time.

00:15:54.000 I think the best article ever written is called Death of a Cheerleader, and it was in Rolling Stone.

00:16:00.000 I used to subscribe to it in the 80s when I was a kid.

00:16:03.000 And that article, I bought it actually on eBay.

00:16:06.000 I bought that issue.

00:16:08.000 And it's good.

00:16:09.000 It's a good issue.

00:16:10.000 They had quality writing.

00:16:13.000 Yeah, that's fucking quality.

00:16:14.000 Randall Sullivan.

00:16:15.000 So we started with Randall Sullivan, and who do we have now?

00:16:18.000 We have E.J. Dixon.

00:16:20.000 You go, okay, so she's writing about hate and Proud Boys and Charlottesville.

00:16:27.000 And here she is saying that Israeli military is trying to look seductive and that's not working anymore.

00:16:33.000 Okay, that's kind of a valid thing to talk about.

00:16:37.000 Is there a YouTube expert who can answer a few questions for me?

00:16:39.000 I'm curious about something.

00:16:40.000 Okay, that doesn't say anything.

00:16:46.000 Joe writing about Olivier Rodrigo is the collab the world was waiting for.

00:16:49.000 So I don't know what that is.

00:16:50.000 She's a Disney star, I guess.

00:16:51.000 Okay, so we're starting to suss out her repertoire, right?

00:16:56.000 Keep going down.

00:16:58.000 And inevitably, when you look at these women who send you these questions, it's a lot of benefit shit. 0.99

00:17:04.000 A fun thing about working motherhood that no one tells you is you'll probably only have enough time to shower once a week at most.

00:17:10.000 Okay, that's valid.

00:17:11.000 I can't believe she's a mom.

00:17:12.000 I'm very surprised.

00:17:15.000 It's gotten to the point where I almost exclusively read other journalists' newsletters now.

00:17:19.000 Okay, so you read other people's opinions about things.

00:17:22.000 You read other comments about comments rather than the thing itself.

00:17:27.000 What's this now?

00:17:29.000 The Veiled Prophet Ball is a fucked up racist institution, and we should be examining the roots of all white American institutions. 0.65

00:17:37.000 Ellie Kemper was not a KKK beauty queen. 1.00

00:17:39.000 It's kind of a problem that the second narrative won out of the former.

00:17:42.000 That's ironic that she's writing about how Twitter turned Kimmy Schmidt into a KKK queen. 0.97

00:17:48.000 Wait, what?

00:17:50.000 She's talking about...

00:17:50.000 Oh, look at that poor Kimmy Schmidt.

00:17:53.000 That girl was a writer, and she starred in the office, right?

00:17:59.000 Wonderful young lady.

00:18:00.000 Then she got her Kimmy Schmidt gig, and I thought, she's not going to get married. 0.87

00:18:03.000 She's going to focus on career. 0.97

00:18:05.000 And now look at her fucking face. 1.00

00:18:07.000 She's a beautiful granny. 1.00

00:18:10.000 Waited too long, my dear.

00:18:12.000 You are Betty Davis today.

00:18:17.000 Veiled prophet.

00:18:18.000 Okay, anyway, keep going down, though.

00:18:20.000 Because these are the ones I haven't seen.

00:18:21.000 Like, go way down.

00:18:25.000 There we go.

00:18:26.000 Hillary Duff through the first brick at Stonewall.

00:18:29.000 And it's some Hillary Duff being a cool pro-gay chick, I assume. 1.00

00:18:33.000 I really shouldn't say that.

00:18:35.000 So you go.

00:18:36.000 We'll say that something's gay when you mean it's bad. 1.00

00:18:39.000 It's insulting.

00:18:42.000 When every time something was bad, gay commercial. 0.99

00:18:45.000 That silk girl wearing a skirt as a top.

00:18:48.000 Yeah, that could be another colloquialism.

00:18:51.000 That's so girl wearing a skirt as a top. 1.00

00:18:55.000 That's a quick way to make fun of something.

00:18:59.000 Guys, am I the only person?

00:19:01.000 Here we go.

00:19:01.000 This is it in a nutshell.

00:19:02.000 Am I the only person who just learned that Matt LeBlanc made out with Kate Hudson when he was 28 and she was just 17?

00:19:08.000 Perfect.

00:19:10.000 Hey, Jen Winner, can you assign this girl to talk to a 50-year-old man who started the greatest fraternal organization in the world that was mentioned by both Biden and Trump and is being blamed for the January 6th alleged insurrection?

00:19:23.000 No problem.

00:19:24.000 Say what you will about Gen Z. Their commitment to making top-tier content is unimpeachable. 1.00

00:19:29.000 Okay.

00:19:33.000 TikTok, my cock. 0.99

00:19:39.000 You openly referred to the Prow Boys as a gang on Joe Rogan.

00:19:41.000 I'm jumping ahead to, like I said, I only answer questions by email these times, so when you get legal, you can say this is what I said.

00:19:48.000 Why every girl under 5-2 looks like sadness from inside out?

00:19:52.000 That's not even a nostalgia.

00:19:53.000 This is the new Hunter S. Thompson, folks.

00:19:55.000 She's on the case.

00:19:57.000 You openly referred to the Prow Boys as a gang on Joe Rogan's podcast in 2017.

00:20:02.000 I think she's getting her research from Vic Berger's montage of me saying nigger and Zeke Hiley. 0.97

00:20:09.000 So this is her, like, never watching the show, never seeing the actual original thing, but comments on comments is what journalists focus on now.

00:20:18.000 You openly referred to the Prow Boys as a gang on Joe Rogan's podcast.

00:20:21.000 So she's talking about a clip that she saw that was literally four seconds.

00:20:27.000 That's her research, Rolling Stone.

00:20:29.000 She went to Wikipedia.

00:20:31.000 I go, this was said in a jovial fashion on a comedy podcast.

00:20:35.000 If you heard Vince McMahon say he started a cult when discussing the WWE, you would get it.

00:20:42.000 An actual gang in real life has two basic factors.

00:20:45.000 It has a leader.

00:20:46.000 There is top-down management with one major decision maker.

00:20:49.000 And two, it does illegal activities.

00:20:51.000 MS-13 is a gang.

00:20:54.000 You summarize the role the fourth degree plays in membership in the group.

00:20:57.000 Again, not the actual fourth degree.

00:20:59.000 He just comments on it.

00:21:00.000 Can you comment on what you meant by the gang designation?

00:21:02.000 Yeah, that was a real designation on Joe Rogan's podcast.

00:21:06.000 I hereby designate the Prowl Boys a gang.

00:21:08.000 And what the purpose of fourth degree membership was, particularly in the context of past remarks you made that the Prowl Boys only commit violence in self-defense.

00:21:16.000 I didn't actually check her hyperlink when she said remarks.

00:21:23.000 I wonder what that was.

00:21:25.000 It was NPR.

00:21:28.000 Oh, she's listened to the NPR diss on us that Dante Nero was in and just repeated it.

00:21:34.000 Shame.

00:21:35.000 The NPR's thing was by this disgruntled lesbian who doesn't like masculinity because she can't have it. 1.00

00:21:43.000 Because she wants to not be a woman. 1.00

00:21:47.000 She has a guy who has treated women like sexual prisoners. 0.99

00:21:50.000 Oh, she gets to that.

00:21:51.000 She interviewed Dante Nero.

00:21:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:53.000 So she went...

00:21:53.000 No, no, the woman here, E.J. Dixon.

00:21:56.000 Oh.

00:21:56.000 She wrote for Vice, by the way.

00:21:58.000 Oh, really?

00:21:59.000 Interesting.

00:22:00.000 Oh, she must be Canadian. 0.98

00:22:02.000 No, the L?

00:22:03.000 Would she get canceled for doing an impression of Macy Gray?

00:22:06.000 We'll find out.

00:22:09.000 It's racist.

00:22:13.000 Probably is the only committed violence in self-defense.

00:22:15.000 So her smoking gun here is that the fourth degree is something you get when you beat up Antifa. 0.99

00:22:20.000 And that belies me saying that we're not violent, right?

00:22:27.000 And I go, the fourth degree has been clarified many times, but the sites that have this clarification get banned and we go back to square one.

00:22:33.000 Check the bylaws.

00:22:34.000 And then I sent her to censored.tvnews where I did that fake news creates hate article, which, by the way, if anyone from censored.tv tech is watching, guys, if you go into archives of news, you can only go back like four articles.

00:22:47.000 And this is what drives me nuts about our site and most sites in general.

00:22:51.000 No one ever treats their product like an outsider.

00:22:55.000 If you have a magazine, like back with Vice, I subscribed to Vice.

00:22:59.000 I had it delivered to my door to see when it would arrive, to see if there was any problems.

00:23:04.000 Was it damaged when it got there?

00:23:06.000 Like you have to subscribe to your own thing.

00:23:09.000 You have to watch your own shows.

00:23:10.000 You have to read your own articles.

00:23:13.000 If you own a restaurant, you have to eat the food there.

00:23:15.000 Not in the kitchen.

00:23:17.000 Go sit down.

00:23:18.000 Be an undercover boss.

00:23:20.000 Eat the food.

00:23:22.000 And I get the feeling that I'm the only one on this site who actually uses it as an outsider.

00:23:30.000 Anyway, I explained to her in the bylaws that the fourth degree of initiation is as follows.

00:23:39.000 I'm saying this for the book so I can link it in the future.

00:23:42.000 Section 2.

00:23:43.000 The fourth degree of initiation symbolizes the formal recognition by the national chapter, and thus the fraternity as a whole, of a material sacrifice or service by a brother for or in the name of the fraternity.

00:23:58.000 So it's a consolation prize if you get arrested or in a fight at a thing.

00:24:03.000 It is expressly prohibited for a brother to quote unquote seek out the fourth degree of initiation while willfully engaging in dangerous activities or violating the law.

00:24:13.000 Awards of the fourth degree of initiation are extraordinarily rare and honorary in nature.

00:24:17.000 There are no express guidelines with respect to how the fourth degree is earned, and it may only be awarded by the founder of the fraternity or on application to the current national president.

00:24:29.000 And now that I'm gone, it would go to the current national president.

00:24:32.000 And I added that Proud Boys only became violent after being attacked by Antifa.

00:24:35.000 We do not go to their things.

00:24:36.000 They come to our things.

00:24:36.000 If there's no Antifa, Proud Boys would go back to drinking alone in a bar.

00:24:41.000 And then she says, we quote a statement you made on Proud Boys' website, distancing organization from Unite the Right, but also that members of FOAC, Fraternal Order of the Alt Knights, attended and that you'd previously interviewed and platformed Jason Kessler.

00:24:56.000 Now, this is why I'm saying this on the show, because I know you guys are bored of Proud Boys by now, but to have someone on your show is to platform them.

00:25:04.000 You shouldn't give Nazis a platform, which is retarded. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Obviously, you want to have a variety of guests.

00:25:12.000 David Duke was on CNN.

00:25:14.000 Richard Spencer was on ESPN.

00:25:17.000 Were they platforming him?

00:25:19.000 No.

00:25:19.000 Jason Kessler was on my show, my old show, the Gavin McInnes show.

00:25:23.000 I screamed at him.

00:25:24.000 I called him a liar.

00:25:26.000 He told me that he was not all right.

00:25:28.000 I said, you said you weren't all right.

00:25:30.000 He quickly got off the fucking phone.

00:25:33.000 That's all there.

00:25:34.000 If you were interested, you will have seen that.

00:25:36.000 Or if I could show it on YouTube and I wasn't banned, I could show you that.

00:25:40.000 That was the context there.

00:25:42.000 I was not platforming him.

00:25:43.000 And I called bullshit on Charlottesville months before it happened.

00:25:47.000 I said, don't go there.

00:25:48.000 Back when I was more in control, I said, if you go there, you're out.

00:25:52.000 I would have said that to Jan 6 if I still was the boss.

00:25:56.000 Four guys went, they were booted out.

00:25:58.000 Fraternal Order of Alt Knights, That was based Stickman, his experiment that failed almost immediately after it was started.

00:26:07.000 They were already done by Charlottesville.

00:26:11.000 You see how much, like, this is something I know a lot about, and I'm looking at a bunch of fake news.

00:26:17.000 If you know a lot about old-timey CB mics and you read an article, I bet you see a million mistakes.

00:26:24.000 In other words, the news is full of shit.

00:26:28.000 It's written by lazy retards with an axe to grind. 1.00

00:26:32.000 And it's even worse in modern times.

00:26:34.000 I'm sure Rolling Stone back in the 80s made mistakes.

00:26:37.000 But now we have EJ Dixon, who can't believe that some celebrity made out with a celebrity 40 years ago.

00:26:45.000 Which one is her now? 0.73

00:26:47.000 Where is she from?

00:26:48.000 She's from Long Island, so they go hard.

00:26:50.000 She looks like a young Amy Siskin.

00:26:53.000 But yeah, I mean, what I mean, I think about Bleeper Girl all the time because what I think about most is just how quickly everybody's reaction was to be like completely turning against this girl.

00:27:11.000 Yeah.

00:27:11.000 And how just that wouldn't happen today at all.

00:27:14.000 No, she would be so supported today.

00:27:17.000 She would have an OnlyFans and she'd be making a fuck ton of money right now. 1.00

00:27:21.000 Well, what's interesting.

00:27:22.000 Don't you think those girls were freaked out by the fact that the one in the bottom left was a 10? 0.79

00:27:27.000 Yeah, they hate that.

00:27:28.000 It's like the elephant in the room, isn't it?

00:27:30.000 And the 10 wants to be.

00:27:32.000 The elephant in the room's top right.

00:27:34.000 And the actual elephant in the room wants...

00:27:37.000 The hot chick wants to be okay with them so bad.

00:27:42.000 They're almost like black people. 1.00

00:27:44.000 Like the way liberals treat black people. 0.67

00:27:46.000 She's like, I don't hate you guys.

00:27:47.000 I'm down with you.

00:27:48.000 And they're like, fuck you, you rich white bitch. 1.00

00:27:51.000 Yeah, she's like, I'm not rich.

00:27:52.000 I just, I'm super good looking.

00:27:54.000 Look at my photography behind me there.

00:27:55.000 It's in folders.

00:27:56.000 I do things.

00:27:58.000 I'm not just hot.

00:28:00.000 And E.J. Dixon goes, I'm not just hot either.

00:28:02.000 And they go, we know.

00:28:05.000 Yeah, we're.

00:28:06.000 Yeah.

00:28:07.000 Like when, what's her name, Tarana Burke, puts her arm around Alyssa Milano at the first Me Too and goes, we're not just sex objects.

00:28:15.000 We're human beings.

00:28:17.000 Stop seeing me and Alyssa Milano as just gorgeous women you're dying to fuck. 1.00

00:28:23.000 Right, Alyssa?

00:28:25.000 And she's like, you look like you're from the Star Wars part.

00:28:30.000 You look like you just gave Boba Fett some weird coins.

00:28:33.000 You look like when your mouth moves, all that should be coming out is...

00:28:38.000 So I don't know what you're doing.

00:28:40.000 You look like you're friends with the woman who plays the flute whose mouth is a long asshole and has those pipe cleaner legs. 0.96

00:28:53.000 We are tired of being yelled at on the side of the street.

00:28:56.000 What do they yell at you?

00:28:57.000 That's her first Me Too.

00:28:58.000 Boba Fett tried to fuck me at the Star Wars bar.

00:29:02.000 No, when they yell at Melissa Milano, they're like, hey, baby.

00:29:05.000 When they yell at you, they're like, stampede.

00:29:07.000 It's not the same.

00:29:09.000 The elephant in the zoom.

00:29:11.000 I should have said that.

00:29:12.000 Oh, the elephant in the zoom.

00:29:13.000 That's a good one.

00:29:14.000 It's too little, too late.

00:29:15.000 I know.

00:29:15.000 But yeah.

00:29:16.000 For the record, Tarana Burke's, the reason she started Me Too, her impetus, her rape, was when she was like eight, she was roughhousing with some boys. 0.60

00:29:26.000 Look at her fucking skin. 1.00

00:29:27.000 She's a freak. 1.00

00:29:28.000 I'm sorry.

00:29:28.000 Tyrannosaurus Burke.

00:29:30.000 And they were wrestling too much and her shirt ripped off. 1.00

00:29:32.000 And she ran upstairs and says, Mom, the boys ripped off my shirt.

00:29:35.000 They probably didn't even know she was a girl.

00:29:36.000 When she was seven.

00:29:37.000 And they ran away after they did it to try to get away with it.

00:29:40.000 Yeah.

00:29:41.000 And then her mother went, don't play with boys then. 1.00

00:29:43.000 I'm kind of on her mom's side.

00:29:44.000 Yeah.

00:29:45.000 Why were you roughhousing with boys when you look like a boy and you have two different eyes and your skin is made of some sort of heat resistant barbecue plate?

00:29:58.000 You look like you're made by the green egg.

00:30:00.000 You fell asleep on a green egg.

00:30:02.000 Anyway, I go.

00:30:07.000 Imagine she's like really cool to hang out with, though.

00:30:09.000 She's like super funny.

00:30:10.000 Well, you know who's like that is Gabrie Sibedade.

00:30:13.000 Who the hell?

00:30:14.000 Oh, that's true.

00:30:15.000 Precious.

00:30:17.000 You could make the same insults about her.

00:30:20.000 But she's mad.

00:30:20.000 She's one of the funniest people in the world.

00:30:22.000 Fucking hilarious, badass.

00:30:24.000 Went to Jimmy Kimmel's wedding as his bride.

00:30:27.000 That's funny.

00:30:27.000 Made old people and kids cry.

00:30:29.000 When she did the Black Hitler sketch, she went home in the Black Hitler clothes and walked around her neighborhood as Black Hitler. 0.76

00:30:36.000 Wow.

00:30:37.000 She's, you know, the fattest girls have been the funniest, cool to hang out with.

00:30:42.000 Well, yeah, they better be.

00:30:42.000 They got nothing else to offer.

00:30:43.000 That's a good point.

00:30:45.000 Performances by people.

00:30:46.000 Grimsby, that movie is a great, if you're looking for a movie for your kid, he's like 11 years old.

00:30:53.000 It's not a good movie.

00:30:54.000 But that and Hot Rod are two movies you show your 11-year-old, 10- to 12-year-old boys.

00:31:00.000 They are pissing their fucking pants.

00:31:03.000 Slam dunk.

00:31:04.000 You can find all that on the Top 10 Movies for Kids episode.

00:31:07.000 It's a censored TV presents.

00:31:09.000 Rules.

00:31:11.000 Jason Kessler, who was sworn in as a Proud Boy on your show.

00:31:14.000 This is false.

00:31:16.000 He was not sworn in on my show.

00:31:18.000 He infiltrated the club twice.

00:31:19.000 We booted him out twice.

00:31:22.000 Proud Boy's link to Unite the Right, blah, blah, blah.

00:31:24.000 I already told you that.

00:31:25.000 We spoke to Dante Nero.

00:31:29.000 Who alleges that he confronted you after seeing the racist memes on the Proud Boy's Facebook page.

00:31:34.000 That's true.

00:31:35.000 He did confront me.

00:31:36.000 And I was outraged.

00:31:38.000 I went, what?

00:31:39.000 Like Holocaust denial fucking shit?

00:31:41.000 Blacks go back to Africa shit? 1.00

00:31:44.000 What?

00:31:45.000 He says you were surprised to see such language being used and posted a statement on Facebook discouraging use of such language.

00:31:53.000 Well, I took him at his word and I said, what the fuck, guys?

00:31:58.000 Stop.

00:32:00.000 But then he looked at your old show episodes and saw you've been using racist language for years.

00:32:04.000 He was on my old show episodes.

00:32:06.000 He was a regular, right?

00:32:09.000 He was a co-host, basically.

00:32:12.000 B, I said, no racist shit, guys.

00:32:14.000 What the fuck?

00:32:15.000 And then I looked into it and saw, oh, actually, Dante's full of shit.

00:32:19.000 It was just some dumb jokes.

00:32:20.000 Yes, some of them were racist.

00:32:23.000 When I joked that Jada Pinkett Smith was a monkey actress, that was a racist joke. 0.92

00:32:28.000 A funny racist joke.

00:32:29.000 Is heavy.com a friendly site?

00:32:32.000 No.

00:32:32.000 Well, this is the fairest thing I've ever seen.

00:32:34.000 Five facts you need to know.

00:32:36.000 All right, I'll just read the headlines.

00:32:37.000 Well, how about the worship?

00:32:38.000 Like, no one meant Dante seems to have forgotten this, that they worship the ground he walked on.

00:32:43.000 We called him the Pope.

00:32:45.000 Yeah.

00:32:46.000 We sold shirts that said Dante Niero and he was dressed like the Pope.

00:32:49.000 Yeah.

00:32:50.000 We called him the Pope.

00:32:51.000 And when we would go to meetups, all the, he was like how to get laid kind of guy, a pickup artist.

00:32:57.000 He was surrounded by the youngest dudes, the dudes who had trouble, asking for tips.

00:33:05.000 The five bricks.

00:33:05.000 There was, yeah, the five bricks.

00:33:07.000 He says you got to throw five bricks every day, which means you got to hit on a girl five times a day.

00:33:10.000 Not like, can I fuck you?

00:33:12.000 But like, nice shirt, that counts as a brick.

00:33:14.000 Any kind of contact.

00:33:15.000 I think it's a good tip.

00:33:16.000 It's a great tip.

00:33:17.000 So he'd be surrounded by like the guys who can't get laid, and I'd be surrounded by like more like dad kind of stuff, but we'd both have desperacitos around us.

00:33:25.000 People love them.

00:33:27.000 And here's something.

00:33:28.000 When Dante shat on us on that NPR interview, which he's talking about in this, I go, Dante, did you mention that after your mom died, they raised $800 for you?

00:33:38.000 And that doesn't sound like a lot now, but back then, I think New York was the only chapter.

00:33:43.000 So it was like six people raising $800, right?

00:33:46.000 I should say more like 15.

00:33:49.000 And he goes, no, I didn't mention that.

00:33:51.000 And I never spoke to him again after that.

00:33:54.000 No, I didn't mention that.

00:33:56.000 So he says he stopped taking your calls after that.

00:34:01.000 Is that true?

00:34:02.000 And no, there was no calls to not take.

00:34:06.000 After he did the NPR thing and I pointed out the 800 bucks, I was like, you're fucking dead to me, you bitch. 1.00

00:34:11.000 And I did say, I go, you just made all this shit up for attention.

00:34:15.000 And he brought up a good point.

00:34:16.000 He goes, I've been getting attention my whole life.

00:34:18.000 I don't need it.

00:34:19.000 Okay, well, then I'm not sure why you did it.

00:34:21.000 Why'd you fucking stab us in the back, you pussy? 1.00

00:34:24.000 Now, he is one of these Brooklyn blacks. 1.00

00:34:26.000 And you got to understand, if you're not from New York, Harlem blacks are normal.

00:34:29.000 They're hustlers.

00:34:30.000 They're out there.

00:34:31.000 They're like you and me.

00:34:32.000 They're like southern blacks, really. 0.95

00:34:34.000 Brooklyn blacks are, they tend to be disproportionately on welfare.

00:34:38.000 They tend to be whiners.

00:34:39.000 They're really into this victim complex shit.

00:34:42.000 They're very behind the times.

00:34:44.000 Like when Harlem blacks were wearing skinny jeans with the rest of us in the early aughts, Brooklyn blacks are still wearing the big baggy pants. 1.00

00:34:52.000 And Dante still says shit like, to this day, he'll say shit like, every time I get in my car, I don't know if I'm coming home alive.

00:35:03.000 What?

00:35:04.000 Because you, remember Facebook had a big Obama thing?

00:35:07.000 So he's got that whole like super neoliberal shit about how America's racist and Trump is a white supremacist and blah, blah, blah.

00:35:15.000 And the liberals who do articles on Prowboys love him because he has their same politics.

00:35:21.000 And it's weird because he's a sexist.

00:35:25.000 He hates feminists and he was a pimp. 0.64

00:35:27.000 I mention that to her too.

00:35:29.000 I say, did you also know he spent his formative years as a pimp?

00:35:32.000 It's funny how you feminist liberals are okay with someone who keeps sex slaves when it suits your narrative. 1.00

00:35:38.000 We spoke with a member of the SPLC who said that your suit against him is ongoing.

00:35:41.000 Correct.

00:35:42.000 Can you confirm that?

00:35:43.000 What is the current status of your suit against the SPLC?

00:35:45.000 It's sitting on the judge's lap.

00:35:47.000 Not sure why.

00:35:48.000 Let's go.

00:35:50.000 We say that you left the Proud Boys in 2018, and we quote you saying that this was intended to help alleviate the sentencing for two members who were charged after their Metropolitan Republican altercation.

00:35:58.000 Yes, that's true.

00:36:00.000 But we also spoke to a former member who alleged that you distanced yourself from the Proud Boys to help further your own career as a pundit.

00:36:08.000 Can you comment on that?

00:36:11.000 And these former Proud Boys, you never who the fuck it is.

00:36:13.000 You never know who it is.

00:36:14.000 Probably someone who was kicked out.

00:36:16.000 I said, this is horseshit.

00:36:17.000 I've been untouchable for years before quitting Proud Boys.

00:36:21.000 When was I last on Fox News?

00:36:23.000 Do you currently have any association with the Proud Boys?

00:36:25.000 I said, I talked to them.

00:36:26.000 I love them.

00:36:26.000 I still consider them the greatest fraternal organization in the world.

00:36:30.000 Do you have any comment on the Proud Boys' role in the January 6th insurrection?

00:36:34.000 I go, I knew it was a trap.

00:36:36.000 I begged Proud Boys not to go.

00:36:37.000 Most listened.

00:36:38.000 About 15 did not.

00:36:38.000 They're on trial now.

00:36:39.000 I go, it was a dumb thing to do, but I understand why people stormed the Capitol.

00:36:43.000 The fact that you people can ignore 15 months of rioting, including storming of the Capitol, which they did under Kavanaugh, and many other government buildings, burning police stations to the ground in the Pacific Northwest,

00:36:59.000 continues to astound me.

00:37:01.000 We assert that the Prowboys are now splintering.

00:37:03.000 Do you have any comment on that?

00:37:04.000 I said, total bullshit.

00:37:05.000 You guys get your info from booted Prowboys and Telegram, which no real Prow Boys use anymore.

00:37:12.000 Anyway, that's why I didn't know that I was singing the Foo Fighters this morning.

00:37:18.000 This afternoon.

00:37:19.000 This evening.

00:37:21.000 Holy shit, we haven't read any fucking sponsors.

00:37:25.000 Poor show, McInnes.

00:37:28.000 Not cool.

00:37:30.000 Negade. 0.90

00:37:33.000 This is not to be read online on the live read.

00:37:37.000 Notes from the ad guy.

00:37:38.000 I hope you guys are doing great.

00:37:39.000 Do not read this aloud.

00:37:41.000 I spoke to Uncle Tony about the studio to build it out.

00:37:46.000 He's...

00:37:47.000 He is...

00:37:47.000 Oh, no.

00:37:49.000 My Uncle Tony is a master.

00:37:51.000 He's seen a majority of our family's construction projects.

00:37:53.000 Do you want to do his accent?

00:37:57.000 Oh, I lost the sneeze.

00:37:58.000 Sure.

00:37:59.000 So say it in our ad guys accent.

00:38:02.000 My Uncle Tony is a master.

00:38:04.000 All right, wait, I got it actually right here.

00:38:05.000 Okay.

00:38:08.000 Hey, I hope you guys are doing great.

00:38:11.000 I spoke to your Tony about that.

00:38:13.000 I sent my Uncle Tony out to the studio to build it out.

00:38:16.000 My Uncle Tony is a master.

00:38:18.000 I mean, he's got to seen the majority of our family's construction projects.

00:38:22.000 But by the way, you guys are my favorite.

00:38:24.000 I mean, like, dude, I worked with Opie between you and me.

00:38:26.000 It was tough, man.

00:38:28.000 I mean, you guys are fucking great.

00:38:29.000 Let me send you a pizza.

00:38:30.000 Yeah, he always wants to send us pizza.

00:38:32.000 I like that idea.

00:38:33.000 I don't want pizza.

00:38:34.000 I've already eaten.

00:38:35.000 It's nine o'clock.

00:38:36.000 That's the thing.

00:38:36.000 Yeah.

00:38:37.000 Just three kids.

00:38:38.000 Maybe on like a Tuesday night.

00:38:43.000 And the pizza places around us.

00:38:45.000 This is right down the street.

00:38:46.000 Sliced places.

00:38:47.000 Yeah, you get a dollar slice places.

00:38:48.000 You never ordered from them.

00:38:49.000 Right.

00:38:49.000 I don't even know if they deliver.

00:38:51.000 No.

00:38:52.000 You just go pick up a pie.

00:38:54.000 You go pa, pa, pa, pa, pa.

00:38:55.000 You have a pa-pa-ba-pickupa pie.

00:38:59.000 We were working on the studio Today, building it out.

00:39:01.000 We were watching, we have a fire stick where we can watch anything in the world, and we were watching Caribbean news, Jamaican local news, which is my favorite thing to have on in the background.

00:39:12.000 Lots of talk about diabetes.

00:39:14.000 I lost a child, and I learned then I got to watch my diet and I got to mock my insulin, you know.

00:39:23.000 Yeah.

00:39:23.000 And then they had a doctor on there who talked about a lot of talk of pregnancy.

00:39:29.000 Yeah.

00:39:29.000 How to keep your baby alive.

00:39:30.000 They're trying to teach them how to breed better.

00:39:34.000 Stop getting wasted when you're pregnant seemed to be the theme of the show we watched. 0.94

00:39:38.000 And then the other 99% of Jamaican TV is just our TV.

00:39:45.000 Like after that segment on pregnancy and diabetes, they went straight to a Garfield movie.

00:39:54.000 Yeah.

00:39:55.000 Anyway.

00:39:55.000 They just believe Garfield.

00:39:56.000 While we were doing that, I was setting up our shelf from Tactical Walls where you slide over a statue and a shelf drops down where you could have a gun.

00:40:04.000 Unfortunately, it's New York City.

00:40:06.000 So we have a secret stash of Maker's Mark and beer for when you run out.

00:40:17.000 And that was built by Tactical Walls.

00:40:21.000 Can you go to TacticalWalls.com, please, sir?

00:40:24.000 This episode of Get Up My Lawn is brought to you by Tactical Walls.

00:40:27.000 Listen up, bitches. 1.00

00:40:29.000 Biz Biziches.

00:40:30.000 Biziches.

00:40:31.000 Is that a thing?

00:40:33.000 No, it is.

00:40:33.000 You're about to get statitches.

00:40:36.000 Statices, yeah.

00:40:37.000 Statites?

00:40:40.000 If you don't go to tacticalwalls.com, write meow.

00:40:44.000 You may have guessed I did not write this.

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00:40:50.000 It really does.

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00:41:18.000 Neat a fashion.

00:41:19.000 In the Nita fashion, in fact.

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00:41:40.000 That $405 thing, that's the shelf I'm actually talking about that he made us.

00:41:45.000 20% off.

00:41:46.000 What's that now?

00:41:46.000 Like $360?

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00:41:57.000 I like Tactical Walls more than a friend.

00:42:03.000 Wait, I want to hear this.

00:42:10.000 See, the thing has to be over the magnet in order for the double click to work.

00:42:15.000 So if the kids go up and start clawing at it, they're not going to get shit.

00:42:19.000 Or if thieves come by.

00:42:21.000 Right.

00:42:23.000 Anyway, wonderful sponsor.

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00:42:30.000 Why am I going back to that computer?

00:42:33.000 I think this fucking free one is going to be an hour.

00:42:37.000 So whatever happened, speaking of that picture you just pulled up, Dante got a huge Proud Boy's neck tattoo.

00:42:44.000 Right.

00:42:44.000 I think that's him.

00:42:45.000 Oh, that's it underneath?

00:42:47.000 I think.

00:42:47.000 I don't know if that's the side.

00:42:48.000 No, I think that is the side.

00:42:50.000 Yeah.

00:42:51.000 His fucking jewelry.

00:42:52.000 I mean, I kind of miss him in a weird way.

00:42:54.000 Yeah, me too.

00:42:54.000 He was a good dude.

00:42:56.000 But like his giant bones who's here, I go, dude, you look like a slave trader.

00:43:01.000 The pirates were like the top guy in the Congo who was like getting them on the boats and dealing with the Arabs. 1.00

00:43:06.000 Yeah.

00:43:06.000 Yeah, he looks like a barbarian that should just be wearing like a loincloth and have two swords that are bendy and pointy.

00:43:12.000 But he looks like he gets his jewelry from like a junkyard.

00:43:15.000 He looks like a slave trader who's like, look, man, this is the industry. 0.85

00:43:18.000 I'm the strongest man in the Congo.

00:43:20.000 But he's all, I don't know if it's steroids, he's all beaten up.

00:43:23.000 Like he walks like someone just broke both his legs.

00:43:26.000 Correct.

00:43:26.000 And then when you see pictures of him when he was a pimp, when he was like 18, dude, he's like a little agile bunny.

00:43:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:34.000 Looks like a reminds me of my mother-in-law.

00:43:38.000 He's got that American Indian sort of loginess. 1.00

00:43:41.000 Anyway, the only time we ever like even kind of made fun of him at all or even said anything negative to him, it was me and Paul Bazile riffing about how he gets his jewelry from the junkyard.

00:43:52.000 He's like, oh, can you turn that hubcap into an earring for me real quick?

00:43:55.000 Well, that's no problem because it wasn't remotely funny or even accurate.

00:44:00.000 It looks like he...

00:44:01.000 So I don't think that offended him.

00:44:02.000 He's got big metal things.

00:44:04.000 And where do you get those?

00:44:06.000 Oh, he has whatnot through his nose, you moron.

00:44:08.000 Wait, that's the guy from...

00:44:09.000 That's an actor.

00:44:10.000 Yeah, Ryan.

00:44:11.000 He's on the set.

00:44:12.000 He does movie stuff.

00:44:13.000 I've never seen him in a movie, but I gotta IMDB him.

00:44:17.000 Speaking of black people, Shizmobin is back. 1.00

00:44:21.000 It's Mobin Shiz now. 0.95

00:44:24.000 I don't have that in the notes.

00:44:25.000 You're the one who told me about it.

00:44:26.000 Correct.

00:44:27.000 But we've noticed this real clampdown on any site that shows blacks behaving badly.

00:44:33.000 Which is unfortunate because that's one of the funnest things to look at, right?

00:44:38.000 But Shizmobin was one of our favorite sites.

00:44:40.000 It's back now with Mobbin' Shiz. 1.00

00:44:42.000 You can look at that second video if you want to see what really goes on in the hood while people pretend they're being denied education.

00:44:48.000 They're really being denied the right to skip out on your manicure bill.

00:44:52.000 Over-tipping customer, no doubt.

00:44:59.000 See, I think Asians make easy prey because they tend to be illegal. 1.00

00:45:04.000 So they don't want to call the cops and have to file a report because what's your name?

00:45:07.000 Let me see your ID.

00:45:08.000 And if the cops do come here, what are you going to say to them?

00:45:12.000 Isn't it amazing how we're so okay with illegals they can open up a shop? 1.00

00:45:16.000 Right.

00:45:17.000 You're not exactly on the lamb there.

00:45:20.000 Also in the news, I was worried about Andy No, speaking of Asians, and I was right. 1.00

00:45:25.000 He did get the living shit kicked out of him at that restaurant.

00:45:29.000 I don't think I have a Link there.

00:45:30.000 Gotcha.

00:45:31.000 It's out there.

00:45:32.000 But that guy we saw being attacked at the restaurant.

00:45:36.000 By the way, rich guys who don't wear ties, this is annoying.

00:45:41.000 I'm going to go put on a tie.

00:45:43.000 Yeah, get a tie.

00:45:46.000 And I'll go to the Andy No section of the world.

00:45:49.000 Yeah, go to his Twitter.

00:45:50.000 He has everything.

00:45:53.000 How do I switch the thing to me?

00:45:57.000 Dang it.

00:45:58.000 Yeah.

00:45:59.000 So this is his last one.

00:46:01.000 Well, that's his latest one, but it doesn't reflect the incident.

00:46:05.000 Here we go.

00:46:06.000 These are all of his little injuries.

00:46:08.000 The knee looks pretty bad.

00:46:12.000 Oh, he's tweeted a lot of sense.

00:46:13.000 But he's also like a weak homo. 1.00

00:46:15.000 So like if you and I get knocked around with that, that's just me a bad day at the gym.

00:46:22.000 But for him, it's a big deal.

00:46:25.000 It's like a woman getting beaten up that bad. 1.00

00:46:27.000 I'm sorry if that sounds homophobic or something, but Andy No is a great journalist, but he's also a very tepid and low-T dude.

00:46:37.000 So when you see him getting beat, like if I got beat up like that, I don't think I'd even post it.

00:46:43.000 Now I sound like I'm not on his side.

00:46:44.000 I'm totally on his side.

00:46:47.000 This is a chick who got beat up, who's constantly threatened with murder. 1.00

00:46:52.000 And they kicked his ass.

00:46:53.000 He was hospitalized at that hotel that he was at.

00:46:59.000 The hotel did not help him at all, by the way.

00:47:01.000 Go to the top of this.

00:47:05.000 The first post?

00:47:08.000 A little lower.

00:47:09.000 Wait, wait.

00:47:10.000 No, statement.

00:47:11.000 Go to the statement.

00:47:13.000 Click on that.

00:47:14.000 Keep going down.

00:47:18.000 Meets back on the menu.

00:47:19.000 They dox him.

00:47:20.000 Wait, wait, stop.

00:47:22.000 Preserved by the Founding Best Reporter.

00:47:24.000 I took care to mitigate the risk and went to observe Antifa firsthand as is his right.

00:47:31.000 Keep going down.

00:47:33.000 Yep, so they kick his ass.

00:47:36.000 This is the part.

00:47:37.000 That's the guy who was chasing him.

00:47:39.000 What?

00:47:39.000 Yeah.

00:47:40.000 It's terrifying.

00:47:41.000 Andy No is Batman.

00:47:42.000 Whoa.

00:47:43.000 He has Batman villains chasing him.

00:47:45.000 At least Two Face has half of a face.

00:47:47.000 Yeah, this is no face.

00:47:48.000 No face.

00:47:50.000 Andy, no face.

00:47:54.000 Keep going down.

00:47:56.000 Get him, get him.

00:48:00.000 Pleading for a video.

00:48:01.000 How about making a fucking video?

00:48:04.000 In the chaos, I managed to seize a moment.

00:48:08.000 So this is the part I got.

00:48:09.000 So he goes to the Nines Hotel.

00:48:11.000 I begged hotel staff to call 911, but they refused.

00:48:15.000 What?

00:48:16.000 And ordered me.

00:48:17.000 And ordered me to wear a mask and leave the property.

00:48:20.000 A pardoné moi?

00:48:22.000 I insisted, reminding them of the violent mob outside seeking to kill me, and that's no exaggeration.

00:48:28.000 By now, masked Antifa operatives were pounding on the hotel doors and windows, screaming and shouting my name.

00:48:34.000 Like, what the fuck's going on?

00:48:36.000 They refuse to call the cops.

00:48:39.000 I think that Antifa runs Portland.

00:48:42.000 And they don't want to be known as the Snitch Hotel or they'll get bricks through their window.

00:48:47.000 They're the mafia.

00:48:48.000 That's the pussy mafia. 1.00

00:48:51.000 Like the mafia in New York would break your legs and your mother would end up in the East River.

00:48:56.000 All Antifa does is just wreck shit and scream.

00:48:59.000 And that's just as effective.

00:49:01.000 Apparently the New York mob could have saved a lot of murder raps. 0.66

00:49:05.000 Can you get back to me for a second so I can get this tie right?

00:49:09.000 It's hard when I look at the monitor because everything is in reverse.

00:49:15.000 That'll have to do.

00:49:18.000 Trump is not well is trending.

00:49:22.000 Trump is not well.

00:49:23.000 Have you seen fucking Biden people?

00:49:25.000 They're saying because apparently there's a rumor going around that he thinks that he's going to be reinstated in August.

00:49:32.000 That gives me a boner thinking about, but, you know, he says some shit.

00:49:36.000 He also has said some stuff that people have doubted for a long time.

00:49:38.000 I'd be playing with this.

00:49:40.000 Sorry, speaking of Proud Boys, they're all over the news because they got involved in Arizona and someone in Arizona wanted them to disrupt something and cause a scene.

00:49:48.000 Not news.

00:49:49.000 But the reason you're seeing that all over the news is Arizona's audit about voter fraud is about to blow up and make everyone look very bad.

00:49:59.000 Everyone who doubted that there was voter fraud.

00:50:03.000 Look at Fauci.

00:50:04.000 That's turning around real hard.

00:50:05.000 Fauci's canceled.

00:50:06.000 That was in my notes.

00:50:07.000 We are about to discover that everyone was right about Arizona and voter fraud.

00:50:15.000 Anyway, next sponsor, info at nitafashions.com.

00:50:24.000 This is one of the few things I've ever worn.

00:50:26.000 It's J Press from not Harvard.

00:50:30.000 What's the other one?

00:50:31.000 Penn State?

00:50:34.000 Harvard, Yale.

00:50:35.000 Yale.

00:50:36.000 I wear Yale clothes.

00:50:38.000 They have their own clothing line.

00:50:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:39.000 And it's a very high-quality line.

00:50:41.000 Don't go to that, though.

00:50:42.000 We're talking about Nita Fashions right now.

00:50:44.000 But everything else you see me wear is Nita.

00:50:46.000 Oh, the Ted Baker I also wear.

00:50:48.000 But Nita Fashions is where I get my suits made, my shirts made.

00:50:53.000 Incredible quality.

00:50:55.000 They've actually been corresponding with me since we started this thing.

00:50:58.000 Nice.

00:50:59.000 And they said your customers, the customers you send us tend to be lawyers.

00:51:06.000 He said, they all say you're gravely misunderstood.

00:51:10.000 They said you were very popular in America, Canada, Britain, and Australia.

00:51:15.000 I kind of knew that part.

00:51:18.000 But yes, you go there, you contact them, info, Adina Fashions.

00:51:21.000 You can also go to their Instagram and DM them there if that's more convenient for you.

00:51:27.000 But they'll set up your measurements.

00:51:28.000 They'll get your template.

00:51:30.000 And they give you room to grow, by the way.

00:51:32.000 It's not like that's permanent.

00:51:33.000 And once they have your thing, they can send you swatches and you can start getting suits and shirts that fit you.

00:51:41.000 No one wears anything that fits them.

00:51:43.000 I'm so sick of people with their top button undone wearing ties.

00:51:47.000 You look like a fucking amateur when you have your top button undone.

00:51:51.000 And in July in New York City, wearing a suit can be torture.

00:51:55.000 It's not torture with Nita Fashions.

00:51:57.000 They're from Hong Kong.

00:51:58.000 They know humidity.

00:52:00.000 You can get a linen suit.

00:52:01.000 You get a thin white shirt.

00:52:03.000 You're totally comfortable.

00:52:05.000 Not just at work, but at the summer wedding.

00:52:08.000 I discovered them back in my Fox days, which would have been what, like 2010?

00:52:14.000 And I've been a devout follower ever since.

00:52:17.000 So go to NitaFashions.com.

00:52:19.000 Use promo code Gavin.

00:52:20.000 I believe they're giving 50%, 15, sorry, 1-5% off right now.

00:52:26.000 Info at nitafashions.com.

00:52:28.000 Or what's their Instagram?

00:52:30.000 It's on their site under support, but this is really cool too.

00:52:33.000 You go to Guide and it teaches you how to do all that stuff.

00:52:37.000 If you follow them on Instagram under contact.

00:52:40.000 Also sales at NitaFashions.com.

00:52:42.000 Nita.fashions.

00:52:44.000 Anita.fashions is their Instagram.

00:52:47.000 This is really cool.

00:52:48.000 They tell you how to make an account with a video tutorial.

00:52:50.000 Everybody loves videos.

00:52:51.000 You don't got to read shit.

00:52:53.000 Yeah, the guy, it's run by the guy's son now, and he's just passionate about it.

00:52:57.000 That rules.

00:52:58.000 Like if you were to email him with a problem, like he's shitting his pants.

00:53:01.000 Okay, wait, how did this happen?

00:53:02.000 Okay, well, we'll get that.

00:53:03.000 Not that I've ever...

00:53:05.000 The only problem I ever emailed him with was I got fat and my pants don't fit.

00:53:09.000 And he's like, send them over.

00:53:10.000 I put an inch and a half in every one of them.

00:53:13.000 And now they're back to pajamas.

00:53:15.000 So NitaFashionist.com, fantastic client.

00:53:21.000 I can't believe we've gone this long without even starting the show.

00:53:24.000 Damn.

00:53:26.000 Damn.

00:53:28.000 Hey, my son's having a birthday party soon.

00:53:30.000 Maybe you can help me with this.

00:53:31.000 I want to get a Met to show up.

00:53:33.000 An actual Met.

00:53:34.000 Okay.

00:53:34.000 Now, I'm not going to get Jacob DeGrom or any functioning Met today.

00:53:38.000 Even a guy who's like 75 who retired.

00:53:41.000 If anyone out there knows of a Met in the New York area, please email me and let me know.

00:53:46.000 I'll pay Mucho De Niro.

00:53:48.000 What team was Lenny Dykstra on?

00:53:50.000 He was on the Mets.

00:53:51.000 Okay, we might be able to get him.

00:53:53.000 How do you know?

00:53:54.000 He was working with Compound and doing some stuff.

00:53:58.000 I mean, it's kind of a loose cannon is the only thing.

00:54:01.000 The thing is, I don't know how, like, yeah, I love Lenny Dykstra, but I don't know how little kids feel about those Mets.

00:54:07.000 Right, right.

00:54:08.000 Like, he said to me, can I read Lenny's book?

00:54:12.000 And I was like, ah, soon?

00:54:16.000 Who's the guy that was doing compound shit for a little bit and it didn't work?

00:54:22.000 Are you sure you're not talking about the pitcher who was at CRTV?

00:54:25.000 No, no, no.

00:54:26.000 Kurt Schilling?

00:54:27.000 No, no, no, Kurt Schilling.

00:54:28.000 You know, you can't get paid.

00:54:30.000 No, it was Lenny the extra.

00:54:32.000 The right amount of circuit money unless you're an everyday player.

00:54:35.000 Yeah, and that was a shit show.

00:54:36.000 Remember that big controversy with him where he was yelling racial epithets at someone, according to not Keith, but the other guy, the Hawaiian dude, who's Keith Gary Ron.

00:54:49.000 Ron Darling.

00:54:51.000 Who I only knew, I'm new to the Mets like the past four years, so I know Ron Darling as the old guy.

00:54:57.000 I looked him up as a young player.

00:55:01.000 Melt in your mouth.

00:55:04.000 Gorgeous.

00:55:05.000 Gorgeous, my boy.

00:55:07.000 Gorgeous.

00:55:08.000 If you want to see a fucking smoke show and have a boner that shatters diamonds, check out a young Ron Darling. 1.00

00:55:20.000 Oh, don't show it or I'm going to come.

00:55:22.000 I just came.

00:55:22.000 Too bad.

00:55:23.000 Why did you do that, Ryan?

00:55:24.000 Now I have to change my pants.

00:55:25.000 Get a new pair of pants from Nitaf?

00:55:28.000 Can I go swimming in those?

00:55:30.000 Can I just get a pillow and go for a long nap in between those things?

00:55:33.000 He kind of looks like a male Wendy from Wonder Years.

00:55:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:55:37.000 He's delicious.

00:55:38.000 Can someone put him on a crumpet, please?

00:55:40.000 He's three tops of brown, and they're all right.

00:55:42.000 Can I get an English muffin toasted, avocado, tomato, salted, mayonnaise, and a young Ron, the epitome of Ron Darling?

00:55:53.000 Oh, shit.

00:55:54.000 Dude, he looks like...

00:55:55.000 What a darling. 1.00

00:55:56.000 Who's that chick that you love so much that was in the 80s movies? 1.00

00:56:02.000 No.

00:56:02.000 That's like the super hottestest chick ever.

00:56:05.000 From Fast Times of Rich, Ron High, fucking Phoebe Cates. 0.92

00:56:08.000 Dude, he's got a Phoebe. 0.95

00:56:09.000 Phoebe Cates of the dude world.

00:56:12.000 Oh my God.

00:56:12.000 If those two fucked and had a baby, I would have to fuck it.

00:56:15.000 Now, hold on a second.

00:56:15.000 Isn't it weird?

00:56:16.000 As it came out, I'd be like, oh, as it came out.

00:56:19.000 Before it got in, would it be?

00:56:20.000 Before it came out.

00:56:21.000 Be like, oh, it's a...

00:56:23.000 I don't care what it is.

00:56:24.000 It's mine now.

00:56:26.000 That's her older, too.

00:56:28.000 She's pretty good.

00:56:28.000 I mean, she's like ancient now.

00:56:30.000 I think she's 60.

00:56:30.000 Oh, that's actually Ron Darling older.

00:56:32.000 I'm sorry.

00:56:34.000 Wow.

00:56:34.000 So I wonder if women find him just as attractive or he's too feminine.

00:56:38.000 Dude, he slayed so much pussy, his dick looked like Freddy's face.

00:56:41.000 Is that because he's a Met?

00:56:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:56:43.000 Yeah, that helped being a super billionaire athlete.

00:56:47.000 Dude, that sure didn't hurt in the hottest team of the 80s.

00:56:51.000 I'm sure that wasn't a hindrance.

00:56:53.000 If you hit up Nita Fashions, you can get that Hounds to the Suit remade.

00:56:56.000 You can.

00:56:56.000 That's the other funny thing about Nita Fashions.

00:56:59.000 Just like see something cool and say, make me that.

00:57:02.000 And they have to by law.

00:57:03.000 In Hong Kong, it's the law.

00:57:04.000 It's under China's rule now.

00:57:06.000 You make that weird little pop.

00:57:08.000 Anytime Nita Fashions does anything wrong, you just call China and you go, have them removed.

00:57:14.000 And they go to a re-education camp.

00:57:16.000 You rat them out.

00:57:16.000 Oh, no, you bat them out.

00:57:17.000 Sorry.

00:57:18.000 They go to a re-education camp for like 10 weeks.

00:57:20.000 Holy shit.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, just say they said Mao sucks.

00:57:23.000 That guy is a...

00:57:24.000 Just kidding.

00:57:25.000 Don't do that.

00:57:26.000 I don't even know if that's illegal over there.

00:57:30.000 He's in the Drillers.

00:57:31.000 He sure was.

00:57:32.000 Please, I'll lie on my stomach and you go to town, Drillers. 0.85

00:57:37.000 That's fucking gay, Gavin. 0.91

00:57:38.000 The Zoomers in DC. 0.99

00:57:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:41.000 Made a little gay jug.

00:57:42.000 You're fucking gay, dude. 1.00

00:57:44.000 After America First Thing, they were leaving the bar and I was pissing or something.

00:57:49.000 And they're like, I said, hey, guys.

00:57:51.000 They go, what?

00:57:52.000 Hey, I guess.

00:57:54.000 And then I said, I want to fuck you with my heels on. 1.00

00:57:57.000 And they don't know the show.

00:57:59.000 So they're just like, fuck you.

00:58:03.000 Fucking gay, dude. 1.00

00:58:04.000 That's fucking gay. 1.00

00:58:05.000 They're all uncomfortable.

00:58:06.000 Like, I didn't know that.

00:58:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:08.000 Wait, what?

00:58:10.000 Please be kidding, because I've been saying that all night.

00:58:13.000 That's funny.

00:58:14.000 They're so insecure and young.

00:58:16.000 I remember that, though.

00:58:18.000 I remember being 12 and seeing Rocky Horror Picture Show and going, this movie rules.

00:58:22.000 And then there's the gay scene and going, what the fuck? 0.99

00:58:25.000 Why is that in there?

00:58:26.000 I remember hiding songs on my burn CDs like It's Raining Men.

00:58:30.000 I thought that was a fun song.

00:58:32.000 They said I put it at the end of the CD or anything gay, like 99 Luff Balloons.

00:58:36.000 Anything with a girl singing it. 0.98

00:58:37.000 You're not ashamed of something if you put it on a mixed CD that you play to people.

00:58:40.000 No, you don't play it to people.

00:58:41.000 You put it in the car, and then when it gets to track 13, you're like, all right, you want to give back?

00:58:45.000 We'll put something else.

00:58:47.000 Why would you put it on the CD if you're ashamed of it?

00:58:49.000 You fucking.

00:58:50.000 You're just trying to crow by yourself into this conversation.

00:58:52.000 No, you think it's gay to listen to girl songs.

00:58:54.000 So you put it on a mixed CD that you play in the car with people?

00:58:57.000 Or you make it for yourself.

00:58:59.000 You're fucking now. 0.56

00:59:00.000 And then you put it in the car.

00:59:02.000 You fucking fuck you, Gavin.

00:59:06.000 Johnny Apple CBD, our oldest sponsor, jacbd.com, promo code Gavin.

00:59:12.000 We did get the edibles last week.

00:59:15.000 No, Monday, sleeping like a babe.

00:59:19.000 I'm not hallucinating like a babe.

00:59:20.000 There's no THC in this stuff.

00:59:22.000 It's just all the goodness of that magical plant without any of the illegal stuff in it.

00:59:28.000 Johnnyapple.com.

00:59:30.000 You know what a girl told me she uses Johnny Apple CBD for?

00:59:35.000 She puts the CBD cream on her feet, if it's going to be a big night out partying, like a wedding or something, to wear high-heel shoes.

00:59:44.000 And apparently that's the thing with chicks. 1.00

00:59:45.000 They put CBD on their feet when it's heels night.

00:59:50.000 And they walk around like they're wearing tennis sneakers all night.

00:59:53.000 Gummies, the tinctures, the cartridges, the topicals, the cookies.

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01:00:00.000 They use the promo code Gavin.

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01:00:04.000 jacbd.com johnnyapple.com they both work promo code gavin 20 off all orders what the fuck is this they got some new stuff called velvet cloud every time we do this ad there's new shit dude they got vapes they got chillo you've got vapes you can pick your nicotine level smoke your vape what are you smoking is there tobacco in there it's regular tobacco flavor it's nicotine 12 milligrams a man's amount is there no flavor there's tobacco flavor no fruity shit for me yeah i like how 0.70

01:02:08.000 time exist yeah uh all right so we're gonna go behind the paywall now and then we're gonna take some calls shortly after that uh we'd like to thank you freeloaders for tuning in we want you to know that if you were to subscribe to censored.tv it costs a beer and a half a month about 30 40 cents a day and there is way more than you can handle every day we just got josh

01:04:53.000 could have put beer in the studio fridge but we're gonna have like a keg so i don't see how i'm not gonna get shit faced self-control every episode moderation well atheists say i am moral not because of god or christianity but because i have self-control so i guess i'll have to be sort of become an booze atheist in that sense you don't believe in the lord above yeah right have to know.

01:05:21.000 Although he does have some built-in punishments when you go bananas.

01:05:25.000 It's not just wetting the bed and having your wife hate you.

01:05:29.000 You turn the other bladder.

01:05:31.000 Empty it out.

01:05:32.000 Sparring hungover is one for the books.

01:05:34.000 That's one of my least favorite things to do in the world.

01:05:36.000 It's one thing to feel like shit.

01:05:38.000 It's another thing to be punched in the head when you feel like shit.

01:05:41.000 I'm disabled.

01:05:46.000 Here's a story that is kind of old news in the young people scene, but us oldsters have never heard of this.

01:05:52.000 Tom Myers is a comedian who sucks.

01:05:56.000 And it's been making the rounds with the youngsters for a couple months now.

01:05:59.000 I'm obviously late to the game, but the beauty of hiring losers like Ryan is they tell you what the kids are into.

01:06:06.000 And making fun of this guy has been very hot recently.

01:06:10.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 And not too recently.

01:06:12.000 How are you guys doing tonight?

01:06:13.000 Everybody having a good time so far?

01:06:15.000 Yeah.

01:06:17.000 Yeah, I'm in kind of a weird mood myself.

01:06:19.000 I was on my way down here.

01:06:20.000 I stopped at a convenience store.

01:06:22.000 I'm waiting in line to pay, and the guy in front of me puts down a dozen donuts, two big bags of Doritos, one of those cheapo one-gallon bottles of the generic brand fruit punch, and a nasty old rotting banana.

01:06:37.000 And he turns to the clerk and says to him, my girlfriend just had an operation.

01:06:41.000 She can only eat certain things. 0.77

01:06:46.000 I look at him.

01:06:47.000 I look at him and I go, yeah, right.

01:06:48.000 What did you have a bong hit transplant? 0.95

01:06:59.000 I think that show was kind of a dinner for schmucks thing, where they invited the worst comedians they could find, and they wanted it to go bad.

01:07:09.000 And he did a great job of sucking.

01:07:12.000 But I think the problem with any kind of making fun of people is you've got to always wonder, is this person mentally handicapped?

01:07:19.000 Like Windy City Heat, Scary Perry.

01:07:22.000 Oh, I have an update on Windy City Heat.

01:07:24.000 Really?

01:07:25.000 Yeah.

01:07:26.000 Now, he's not retarded. 1.00

01:07:28.000 Scary Perry.

01:07:29.000 He's just an asshole.

01:07:31.000 But I was talking to a guy who is involved in the Perry project because he knows Mets people, and I've been trying to find out if I can get someone to pay.

01:07:40.000 For the past year, they completely shut down the Mets organization fan outreach program.

01:07:47.000 So it's not looking good for you.

01:07:49.000 I can ask, but I have a feeling that would be a no-go giving today's climate.

01:07:53.000 Oh, yeah, because of my name, but I won't say my name.

01:07:55.000 He won't even know that he's at my house.

01:07:59.000 Actually, I'm out in California right now.

01:08:01.000 Perry is doing an adult swim shoot.

01:08:03.000 This might be a secret.

01:08:04.000 Uh-oh.

01:08:05.000 Oh.

01:08:06.000 Actually, he got a really good gig for the past six months.

01:08:09.000 They've been doing well streaming on Twitch.

01:08:12.000 They did a nine and a half hour stream last night from his apartment.

01:08:16.000 It was a fucking hellhole.

01:08:19.000 A nine and a half hour Twitch stream at Scary Perry's house.

01:08:27.000 Wow.

01:08:30.000 It's amazing that these guys have been working together for so long.

01:08:34.000 Like since I started Vice in the early 90s.

01:08:39.000 And they all hate his guts.

01:08:43.000 You got it there?

01:08:47.000 Oh my lord.

01:08:50.000 Right there.

01:08:51.000 $75 to microwave the bread for 10 minutes and then take a big bite.

01:08:58.000 This is 22 days ago?

01:08:59.000 10 minutes, and we'll monitor it.

01:09:00.000 If it starts smoking or anything, you can stop it prematurely.

01:09:06.000 He's going to fucking set the thing on fire.

01:09:10.000 Fart zone sign.

01:09:11.000 He's got to go piss again.

01:09:13.000 I've been in that apartment.

01:09:14.000 I pissed all over his towels.

01:09:16.000 My God.

01:09:17.000 Yeah.

01:09:18.000 Perry, I'm sorry.

01:09:18.000 I haven't sent you the 30 tins of popcorn you asked for yet, but I have become poor by spending too much money.

01:09:24.000 He doesn't even care that Bret is toasting Wayne's microwave.

01:09:26.000 I'd be monitoring that like a hawk.

01:09:28.000 You motherfucker!

01:09:30.000 Stop sending me fucking popcorn!

01:09:36.000 See, this is...

01:09:37.000 I haven't checked in on them for a while.

01:09:38.000 I guess they send him lots of popcorn.

01:09:40.000 Go fuck yourself and go to hell now, you fucking pathetic dumbfuck. 0.87

01:09:43.000 Fuck off now, you dip shit motherfucker. 1.00

01:09:46.000 I am not afraid of you.

01:09:47.000 Oh my god.

01:09:48.000 Oh my god.

01:09:50.000 Oh my god.

01:09:52.000 Wow.

01:09:53.000 You better start pissing on that dude. 0.94

01:09:55.000 You fool.

01:09:55.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:09:58.000 Get that out of there. 0.98

01:09:59.000 Jesus Christ.

01:10:00.000 Let's get the towel. 1.00

01:10:01.000 Jesus.

01:10:03.000 Get that out of there. 0.98

01:10:04.000 There we go.

01:10:05.000 Get it out the door.

01:10:06.000 Out the door.

01:10:07.000 Out the door right now.

01:10:08.000 Turn it back on.

01:10:08.000 Make sure you turn the microwave back on so it can microwave the fire.

01:10:13.000 Doesn't he have an alarm in his apartment?

01:10:16.000 Microwave.

01:10:17.000 Oh my God.

01:10:24.000 Oh, what a fucking idiot.

01:10:26.000 Fire alarm came on.

01:10:28.000 Who knew?

01:10:30.000 Who knew?

01:10:31.000 Water somewhere.

01:10:32.000 I need a bonus kit to repose.

01:10:34.000 I wonder where exactly in the world is that smoke and fire happening right now.

01:10:38.000 7722 Resita Boulevard in Los Angeles, California.

01:10:43.000 Oh, part of the 3B.

01:10:44.000 Interesting.

01:10:45.000 That's where it's happening.

01:10:48.000 And he blew somebody to get this show or something?

01:10:51.000 No.

01:10:53.000 When he was an extra, he let Randy Callahan blow him to get on a show.

01:10:57.000 That was probably 20 years ago, too.

01:11:02.000 Get the fan on.

01:11:06.000 Open the window in the kitchen.

01:11:10.000 Imagine the police.

01:11:11.000 What did you think was going to happen to Bread?

01:11:13.000 It would just get very warm?

01:11:19.000 Oh, this is making me...

01:11:20.000 This is sucking me back into the movie.

01:11:21.000 Wait, go back, go back, go back.

01:11:22.000 Okay, fine.

01:11:23.000 Because he gets so angry.

01:11:25.000 Like, he's humorless.

01:11:27.000 For a popular stand-up comedian.

01:11:32.000 Can you reset your alarm so you can turn that beeping off?

01:11:37.000 You know how to do that?

01:11:38.000 It's not going to go off!

01:11:40.000 No, it shouldn't.

01:11:41.000 If I was a smoke alarm, I wouldn't go off.

01:11:43.000 No, my job is to let you know.

01:11:44.000 My job is to freak out.

01:11:47.000 Everything's working perfectly.

01:11:56.000 Just check it.

01:11:57.000 Isn't the super gonna call?

01:11:59.000 Fine, it's on the fucking.

01:12:02.000 Not so loud.

01:12:03.000 I want to handle this so bad and get us some box fans to drive the smoke out and get his AC on somehow.

01:12:10.000 A fucking towel or something?

01:12:12.000 Open the front door?

01:12:13.000 I know where the front door is.

01:12:15.000 It's right over there.

01:12:17.000 That's his whole apartment, by the way.

01:12:19.000 Yeah, that couch on the other side of the couch is there the door.

01:12:22.000 That's where they watch.

01:12:23.000 No, I saw the movie.

01:12:24.000 That's where they watched the movie on the couch there.

01:12:27.000 Pretty small.

01:12:28.000 Shut up! 1.00

01:12:31.000 Perry! 0.93

01:12:31.000 I'm not going to stop until the fucking smoke is gone! 0.93

01:12:35.000 He's not acting.

01:12:36.000 That's real.

01:12:37.000 Is the window in the kitchen definitely open?

01:12:39.000 The window is open!

01:12:41.000 You son of a bitches! 1.00

01:12:43.000 Perry, I just passed along an offer.

01:12:47.000 And when I saw the smoke, I told you to take care of it, and you did.

01:12:51.000 We won't do any more microwave stuff for a while.

01:12:53.000 For a while?

01:12:54.000 Never again!

01:12:56.000 Anyway, so Tom Myers, who just did the joke, a bong hit transplant.

01:13:03.000 Yeah.

01:13:04.000 And you're like, I understand a bong transplant, or did you, they transplant your lungs with a bong, but a bong hit... 0.87

01:13:14.000 You got a bunch of smoke in your mouth.

01:13:15.000 How do you transplant that?

01:13:18.000 Well, he's tried pot.

01:13:21.000 So anyway, this is making the rounds, or made the rounds, and I'm way late to the game.

01:13:26.000 The Puerto Rican rattlesnake Louis Gomez, Gomez and Tim Dylan, had him on the show, extending the dinner for schmucks, and they asked him to explain what a bong transplant is. 0.86

01:13:38.000 Bong hit transplant. 0.90

01:13:40.000 It's going to sound really horrible.

01:13:42.000 I know something horrible coming out of me.

01:13:44.000 Imagine that, right?

01:13:45.000 No way.

01:13:46.000 I don't believe it.

01:13:47.000 So the joke is I'm in a convenience store waiting in line.

01:13:50.000 Someone puts.

01:13:52.000 Pretend you're at a club right now.

01:13:53.000 We're an audience.

01:13:55.000 You got a microphone in front of you.

01:13:56.000 Don't just say the joke is, you know, literally.

01:13:58.000 We look like people that go to a comedy.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, we are.

01:14:01.000 It's Sean Boland's fucking.

01:14:02.000 We're sitting there.

01:14:04.000 Second row, if there are rose.

01:14:06.000 Zach literally looks like the person who was in the second row on that Sean Boland show.

01:14:10.000 So he is helping me.

01:14:12.000 Focus on him and deliver it.

01:14:14.000 So I go into a convenience store and the guy puts on the counter, I think, a dozen donuts, a one-gallon jug of the Cheapo brand fruit punch.

01:14:25.000 Can I say something?

01:14:26.000 Nasty.

01:14:26.000 You know what this is like?

01:14:27.000 This is like if Keith...

01:14:29.000 This is the...

01:14:29.000 For the Rolling Stones, like, he starts playing satisfaction on an acoustic guitar.

01:14:35.000 It's not quite the song, but he's gearing.

01:14:37.000 You're like, dude, this is as good as the Rolling Stones number one hit.

01:14:41.000 Absolutely.

01:14:42.000 One gallon jug of the Cheapo brand fruit punch.

01:14:46.000 Nasty row.

01:14:48.000 I feel like you can.

01:14:50.000 Let him do it.

01:14:50.000 But if you get more specific, it'd be funny.

01:14:52.000 If you said Faygo, it would be a funny way to tell the joke. 0.98

01:14:55.000 R.C. Cola would have been funny.

01:14:57.000 No, if they're not paying me to say it, I'm not saying it.

01:15:00.000 I'll give you all the money a Shannon's ticket.

01:15:02.000 $2.

01:15:03.000 $2.

01:15:03.000 Deal.

01:15:04.000 Good.

01:15:04.000 Go say it.

01:15:05.000 That's funny.

01:15:09.000 You know who this guy is?

01:15:11.000 I said this earlier.

01:15:11.000 It's Pat Dixon after a horrible car accident where he was in a coma.

01:15:17.000 Remember that girl who got shot?

01:15:20.000 She was a Gifford, Elizabeth Giffords, Cliffords, Giffords. 0.64

01:15:25.000 And now she's an anti-gun activist. 0.97

01:15:27.000 And her husband's a bald politician.

01:15:30.000 And they go, well, she's dead.

01:15:31.000 She got shot in the head.

01:15:32.000 But she comes back and you're sort of like, uh.

01:15:37.000 Gabby Giffords.

01:15:38.000 You didn't really make it, Gabby.

01:15:40.000 I mean, you made it, but you didn't really make it.

01:15:44.000 And she does talks and stuff, and she's like, guns are bad.

01:15:50.000 Yeah, well, doctors are better, but not perfect.

01:15:55.000 Doctors and guns are imperfect, I think is what we've learned from your horrific tragedy.

01:16:02.000 I don't want to demean it.

01:16:04.000 No, this is Gabby Giffords, yeah.

01:16:06.000 Ooh, fuck your talk.

01:16:08.000 About two fingers.

01:16:09.000 No, not that.

01:16:10.000 Oh, my.

01:16:12.000 I don't know who you are.

01:16:13.000 Late Giffords.

01:16:14.000 Music, it turns out.

01:16:15.000 Late Giffords, early chains.

01:16:16.000 And when you meet them, you just feel like, you know, it's kind of an obligation to try to do something about it.

01:16:23.000 Not that.

01:16:23.000 He's in there with the neurosurgeon.

01:16:26.000 Did you worry about him?

01:16:29.000 Hello?

01:16:30.000 You worried about me, my last trip into space?

01:16:32.000 Yeah.

01:16:34.000 It's risky business.

01:16:36.000 It's not quite as risky as being a Congress woman.

01:16:39.000 Yeah.

01:16:40.000 As it turns out.

01:16:41.000 Pretty.

01:16:41.000 As it turns out.

01:16:42.000 Oh, well.

01:16:45.000 Thanks for coming, everybody.

01:16:47.000 I appreciate that.

01:16:47.000 Can you talk?

01:16:49.000 A little bit.

01:16:51.000 So slowly.

01:16:52.000 Slow pace.

01:16:53.000 Slow pace.

01:16:54.000 But is it just that it's slow?

01:16:55.000 It doesn't even seem like it's making any...

01:16:57.000 You know what that guy is?

01:16:59.000 A little bit.

01:17:00.000 A little jolly vlog.

01:17:02.000 Stopping gun violence takes courage.

01:17:06.000 She and Mark were back on Capitol Hill earlier this month trying again.

01:17:10.000 Check out Tom Myers again.

01:17:12.000 The bird that is the bald eagle.

01:17:16.000 Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:17:20.000 He doesn't even say bald eagle right.

01:17:22.000 He goes, bald eagle?

01:17:24.000 How do you say bald eagle?

01:17:26.000 It's bald eagle.

01:17:27.000 It goes down.

01:17:28.000 Bald eagle.

01:17:29.000 Bald eagle.

01:17:30.000 Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:17:33.000 I love, like, look at his lawyer's face.

01:17:35.000 It's the best.

01:17:36.000 Just say bald eagle.

01:17:37.000 Oh, fuck.

01:17:42.000 It's amazing.

01:17:43.000 I can't believe we did that 40 times.

01:17:46.000 It's one of the best reactions.

01:17:48.000 He's mad at himself, by the way.

01:17:50.000 I should have done 45 times.

01:17:51.000 I let him make me make him let him.

01:17:53.000 I rushed it.

01:17:54.000 We should have done it 45 times.

01:17:55.000 But Tom Myers is make fun of him because he's a man in command.

01:17:59.000 He knows He lives on the dangerous side.

01:18:01.000 His job is just like a firefighter when they rush into a fire or a cop when they're responding to the scene of the crime.

01:18:07.000 Most jokes, I got tired of telling it, and then make its way onto one of the albums.

01:18:13.000 I don't know.

01:18:15.000 I don't know.

01:18:15.000 Is it on Make America In 8 Again?

01:18:17.000 Words of Master.

01:18:19.000 It may be on pitchforks, but I don't.

01:18:21.000 Gotcha.

01:18:21.000 I don't know.

01:18:22.000 They know all his albums.

01:18:23.000 Now, explain to me the thinking behind a joke because you see all this.

01:18:27.000 So it's like, it's all this unhealthy food.

01:18:29.000 And then you're like, you know, this guy basically saying she can only eat certain foods after an operation.

01:18:34.000 Now, I'm all with you on the premise.

01:18:36.000 Right.

01:18:37.000 And then you go, what did she have?

01:18:40.000 A bong hit. 0.86

01:18:41.000 It's the punchline.

01:18:42.000 You're right.

01:18:43.000 You're right.

01:18:43.000 It's not the premise.

01:18:44.000 The punchline is the issue.

01:18:46.000 That's the only issue with the joke.

01:18:47.000 Everything else is actually really cool.

01:18:48.000 The premise is kind of funny.

01:18:49.000 I love the premise.

01:18:50.000 The premise is not bad.

01:18:51.000 The punchline.

01:18:52.000 You could have said a cheapo type of soda.

01:18:57.000 Well, let's just spit bullet here. 0.97

01:18:59.000 You go like, oh, this guy puts all this disgusting food.

01:19:03.000 He's got fucking M ⁇ Ms and Cheetos. 1.00

01:19:05.000 See, that's where I would go.

01:19:08.000 What does a dirty banana have to do with that? 1.00

01:19:10.000 Anything involving food.

01:19:11.000 Zach is in on it.

01:19:12.000 Yes, of course.

01:19:13.000 Oh, shit.

01:19:14.000 This guy puts in your fucking fat face.

01:19:18.000 He's capable.

01:19:19.000 But what does a dirty banana have to do with high people?

01:19:23.000 Because high people just eat anything.

01:19:26.000 Okay, well, that's not true.

01:19:28.000 You're so translate.

01:19:30.000 It's just crazy.

01:19:32.000 Okay, well, that's not true.

01:19:33.000 Why don't you get transparent?

01:19:34.000 It's my Tim Dylan.

01:19:35.000 Is that it doesn't make sense?

01:19:38.000 It doesn't make sense.

01:19:39.000 That's not true.

01:19:41.000 What you don't want people doing is when you tell a punchline, you don't want people to not laugh and think about why they're not laughing.

01:19:47.000 Right, and that's what I think this punchline does.

01:19:49.000 It makes people want to leave the club.

01:19:51.000 Yeah, they go, no, that's not right.

01:19:52.000 It's an album.

01:19:53.000 Does he realize he's being made fun of?

01:19:55.000 I was just thinking.

01:19:56.000 Like, how much does he get that he's being ridiculed?

01:19:59.000 I see a man who really feels like it's just a comic hanging out with comics.

01:20:03.000 I'm in right now.

01:20:04.000 I'm a comic.

01:20:05.000 I know they're making fun of me, but that's sort of like scary Perry.

01:20:08.000 Like, he'll be like, yeah, they break my balls.

01:20:11.000 No, they smash your balls with a fucking nuclear bomb until there's nothing left.

01:20:16.000 He thinks it's just ribbing?

01:20:17.000 Like, yeah, this is what comics do.

01:20:18.000 We bust each other's balls.

01:20:20.000 They take an RPG and they break my balls.

01:20:23.000 Well, why don't you have any lower half? 0.99

01:20:25.000 They decimate my balls. 0.85

01:20:26.000 Where are your legs?

01:20:29.000 You know who really started this?

01:20:31.000 So he's from Baltimore, the Cometown guys, Nick Mullen and Stavros.

01:20:35.000 Oh, right.

01:20:35.000 Mr. Asperger.

01:20:37.000 But he won't talk to them anymore because he's realized that they explicitly make fun of him.

01:20:43.000 So the only way to kind of make fun of him to his face is through Luis J. Gomez.

01:20:47.000 And this acting is really good.

01:20:49.000 You know, they're acting like they're helping him.

01:20:51.000 They almost crack up, I think, coming up, though.

01:20:53.000 Really?

01:20:54.000 People want to leave the club.

01:20:56.000 Yeah, they go, no, that's not right.

01:20:58.000 Something's wrong.

01:20:59.000 They go, something is wrong here, and I should leave.

01:21:02.000 It's an uncomfortable.

01:21:03.000 It's an uncomfortable feeling.

01:21:04.000 It's not the move.

01:21:05.000 So it wasn't...

01:21:06.000 What could have been a better punchline instead of bonghead transplant? 1.00

01:21:09.000 So it's got, let's say it's a transplant, right?

01:21:13.000 Some kind of operation, yeah.

01:21:15.000 Some kind of operation.

01:21:16.000 What did she get her lungs replaced with the bong? 1.00

01:21:19.000 That could have worked.

01:21:20.000 Okay, well, that.

01:21:21.000 What did she have her lungs replaced with bong? 1.00

01:21:22.000 So that's good.

01:21:23.000 Yeah, that's good.

01:21:24.000 Yeah.

01:21:25.000 I'm spitballing, man.

01:21:26.000 I would have been like, listen, it's like, what the fuck?

01:21:29.000 You know, I haven't done the bit in 10 years, so clearly I stopped liking it.

01:21:32.000 We could bring it back.

01:21:33.000 What kind of operation did this bitch have? 1.00

01:21:35.000 It could have gone hard.

01:21:36.000 Yeah.

01:21:37.000 You know, like, oh, she fucking get raped, I bet. 1.00

01:21:39.000 I would have liked it.

01:21:41.000 That could be on your next special.

01:21:43.000 I give you permission to use it.

01:21:44.000 I'm tired of comedy.

01:21:45.000 I'm just trying to get a job at a chili.

01:21:47.000 My girlfriend just had an operation.

01:21:48.000 She could only, she could go to the bathroom. 1.00

01:21:50.000 Fill out an application.

01:21:51.000 I'll interview you.

01:21:52.000 I'll try.

01:21:53.000 I think he's trying to rescue it at that point.

01:21:56.000 He's like, okay, this is getting, they're making fun of me.

01:21:58.000 Can I do some jokes?

01:21:59.000 Right.

01:22:00.000 What did she have her lower intestine replaced with a Mexican? 1.00

01:22:05.000 But then you'd have to have Mexican foods. 0.97

01:22:07.000 That makes it less...

01:22:08.000 It doesn't make sense, but it's funnier.

01:22:09.000 It's funnier.

01:22:10.000 It's funnier.

01:22:11.000 It's funnier.

01:22:11.000 A couple funny words in there.

01:22:13.000 You have a lower intestine replaced with a Mexican? 1.00

01:22:15.000 Remember, like Patrice said how, like, Buick is a funnier word than Oldsmobile.

01:22:18.000 Yeah.

01:22:19.000 Mexican's a funnier word than bonghe transplant. 1.00

01:22:21.000 Right.

01:22:22.000 Or like, for any other word.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 What did she have with lower test? 0.51

01:22:26.000 Yeah, I think Lewis almost cracked there when he said for any other word.

01:22:29.000 What did she have, Brian?

01:22:30.000 Lower test to replace with a malnourished child?

01:22:33.000 I don't know.

01:22:34.000 Like, what a...

01:22:35.000 She just had a transplant. 0.60

01:22:36.000 What kind of transplant?

01:22:37.000 You know what my go-to punchline is?

01:22:38.000 What did she have?

01:22:39.000 What did she have?

01:22:39.000 Right, replaced with family court?

01:22:41.000 These are all dumb punches.

01:22:42.000 No, my gosh.

01:22:43.000 You know what?

01:22:43.000 It's just a stock punchline you could just use.

01:22:45.000 Yeah, oh, yeah.

01:22:46.000 Female circumcision. 0.99

01:22:47.000 Just throw it in there.

01:22:48.000 Female circumcision. 0.99

01:22:48.000 Let me tell you right now. 0.99

01:22:49.000 Female circumcision. 0.99

01:22:50.000 Okay, this gets less funny.

01:22:52.000 But Tom Myers is an endless rabbit hole.

01:22:55.000 Let's just end the rabbit hole then with one more Tom Myers video wherein he is on local news.

01:23:04.000 Oh, that's brutal.

01:23:05.000 Our next guest is a tell-it-like it is comedian who says no one is safe when it comes to black women.

01:23:10.000 Especially black women. 1.00

01:23:11.000 Dude, this is like sexist and racist jokes about black women are shocking.

01:23:18.000 Wait till you hear what he says about my hair.

01:23:20.000 Celebrities, politicians, people that he just passes by, they are all fair game.

01:23:24.000 Born and raised right here in Maryland, Tom Myers' career has taken him all over the nation, and now he has a new CD of comedy.

01:23:32.000 We shot car guys in Maryland.

01:23:33.000 Did you realize that?

01:23:34.000 That is true.

01:23:35.000 Yeah.

01:23:36.000 Look at his right hand.

01:23:38.000 Welcome.

01:23:39.000 Thanks for having me on, Elsa.

01:23:41.000 Glad to have you here.

01:23:42.000 I know you are Maryland born and raised.

01:23:43.000 Yep, absolutely.

01:23:44.000 So tell us a little bit about yourself.

01:23:46.000 You said you started with comedy as almost a defense mechanism.

01:23:49.000 Yeah, it was in high school.

01:23:51.000 I started telling jokes to upper classes.

01:23:53.000 What channel is it on?

01:23:54.000 That deflects.

01:23:56.000 The two.

01:23:57.000 Yeah.

01:23:58.000 Right.

01:23:58.000 It's usually a good indicator.

01:24:00.000 And you say that some of your jokes, though, have gotten you into a little bit of trouble.

01:24:04.000 Oh, you saw the face after the two.

01:24:08.000 Thanks, David.

01:24:08.000 It's usually a good indicator.

01:24:10.000 And you say that some of your jokes, though, have gotten you into a little bit of trouble.

01:24:15.000 Right.

01:24:15.000 So why keep telling them?

01:24:17.000 Because it's my job.

01:24:19.000 You know, it's no different than a police officer running to the scene of a crime or a firefighter running into a burning building.

01:24:25.000 It's what I do.

01:24:26.000 You know, Mort Saul was blacklisted by Hollywood because he kept bringing the, he kept talking about the Warren Commission report on stage.

01:24:34.000 Lenny Bruce kept having obscenity trial after obscenity trial.

01:24:37.000 No, that needs to be explained.

01:24:38.000 Like he's saying that people know what the fuck that means.

01:24:41.000 Well, you don't know what that means?

01:24:42.000 I do because I'm a fan of comedy, but people that don't know comedy, which is who this segment's for, don't know what obscenity trial is.

01:24:50.000 Yes, they do.

01:24:50.000 Lenny Bruce was the most famous obscene person in history.

01:24:55.000 On stage, Lenny Bruce kept having obscenity trial after obscenity trial.

01:25:00.000 George Carlin's, one of his bits was taken to the United States Supreme Court.

01:25:04.000 Wow.

01:25:05.000 So, you know, I'm not really doing anything, not doing anything different.

01:25:09.000 You know, I'm not running for office or speaking to a church group.

01:25:13.000 I'm telling jokes to people who, you know, exceeded the two-drink minimum like 30 minutes before I got on stage.

01:25:20.000 I mean, it's...

01:25:21.000 They know what they signed up for, right?

01:25:23.000 Yep, that's what they get.

01:25:25.000 So what are people signing up for if they get your newest CD, Make America Innate Again?

01:25:31.000 They're pretty much getting, like you said, I cover all topics.

01:25:36.000 If you're fans of, for example, if you're a fan of Donald Trump, I'll say some stuff on here that I'll joke about him.

01:25:43.000 Likewise, I joke about stuff about the Democrats.

01:25:46.000 I talk about current events, even my life on here.

01:25:49.000 Even my cat's nuts.

01:25:50.000 100% of all comedians ever?

01:25:53.000 No.

01:25:54.000 Oh, my goodness.

01:25:55.000 That'll teach him to scratch my furniture.

01:25:57.000 So everyone is their game.

01:26:00.000 Actually, the original title of that CD was supposed to be Sit Down and Shut Up You Morons. 0.81

01:26:06.000 Yeah.

01:26:06.000 Look how uncomfortable.

01:26:07.000 Yeah, that's actually events in Two Morons.

01:26:10.000 It's supposed to be Sit Down and Shut Up You Morons.

01:26:14.000 Yeah.

01:26:14.000 But people thought that was a little aggressive.

01:26:18.000 Yeah.

01:26:18.000 Telling someone to sit down is a bit too strong.

01:26:22.000 I almost clutched my proverbial curls just a second ago.

01:26:25.000 I was like, my goodness.

01:26:26.000 Well, we can't wait to listen to it.

01:26:28.000 I can't hear you.

01:26:29.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:26:30.000 My website, TomMyers.us.

01:26:33.000 They started dating after this.

01:26:34.000 That would be cute.

01:26:35.000 That would be cute.

01:26:36.000 And you can obsessively keep track of that stuff.

01:26:45.000 Perfect.

01:26:46.000 I'll probably respond to you.

01:26:47.000 Okay.

01:26:47.000 Maybe in an unexpected way.

01:26:48.000 Well, then I will add you right away.

01:26:50.000 Thank you so much, Tom Myers.

01:26:51.000 We appreciate it.

01:26:52.000 And we'll be right back with more Midday Maryland right after the first.

01:26:55.000 Stay tuned.

01:26:57.000 You said on the show you were going to add me.

01:26:59.000 It's been two weeks.

01:27:00.000 I DM'd you twice.

01:27:02.000 Hello?

01:27:06.000 I should DM Tom Myers.

01:27:08.000 You fucking add me, bitch. 1.00

01:27:09.000 I mean, there's a world.

01:27:10.000 I mean, he's, you know what?

01:27:11.000 It's kind of like a thing where they now have accepted him into the comedy world, so that's good.

01:27:15.000 There's a happy end.

01:27:16.000 Well, that's his shtick.

01:27:17.000 He's just terrible.

01:27:18.000 Oh, he's roasting a person.

01:27:21.000 He's doing him?

01:27:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:27:23.000 It's an endless rabbit hole.

01:27:24.000 Okay.

01:27:25.000 It's endless.

01:27:26.000 Last rabbit hole before we start taking calls is this chick. 1.00

01:27:30.000 I mean, we have Trump was right about COVID.

01:27:32.000 Fauci is canceled.

01:27:35.000 Biden's staying dumb shit.

01:27:40.000 The usual racism crap.

01:27:42.000 But I want to take some calls.

01:27:43.000 But this I thought was interesting because the woman is attractive. 1.00

01:27:46.000 Some Mexican Portuguese chick who looks chinky. 1.00

01:27:50.000 But she's really in for.

01:27:53.000 She went from criticizing rich boomers to becoming a rich boomer.

01:27:56.000 Influencer from OK Boomer TikTok criticized after showing off her $2 million apartment.

01:28:02.000 She's not half Asian.

01:28:03.000 She's Mexican and Portuguese with chinky eye makeup. 1.00

01:28:08.000 But that's a good idea.

01:28:22.000 See, I'm not happy that men are attracted to girls who act like tiny girls.

01:28:28.000 We kind of had this in the 70s with Chrissy from Three's Company.

01:28:34.000 But that girl is not acting like a 13-year-old. 0.99

01:28:38.000 She's acting like an 8-year-old, 7-year-old.

01:28:41.000 Yeah, the voice is like a 7-year-old.

01:28:45.000 I don't like that.

01:28:46.000 That's a child.

01:28:47.000 Yeah, and all this anime shit.

01:28:49.000 Yeah, I don't get it.

01:28:50.000 They're attracted to children.

01:28:52.000 And why are they doing it?

01:28:53.000 Because the world is because they get how many views does that have?

01:28:59.000 So there's a difference.

01:29:00.000 50 million views.

01:29:01.000 There's a 50 million view demand for adult women. 0.96

01:29:06.000 She's probably 20 years old acting like an eight-year-old. 1.00

01:29:10.000 Okay, boomer. 1.00

01:29:11.000 I'm a kitty-witty little doopy-dapper.

01:29:14.000 Right.

01:29:15.000 Yikes.

01:29:16.000 I know I just said she was attractive, but that's an early shot of her. 0.98

01:29:19.000 Let's see her in her $2 million apartment. 1.00

01:29:21.000 It's my apartment.

01:29:22.000 I told you guys about a month or two ago that I moved into a bigger apartment, and I was going to give you guys a house.

01:29:27.000 Sorry, a big apartment.

01:29:28.000 And I think our apartment's finally, like, mostly fully furnished.

01:29:31.000 So, let's get started.

01:29:35.000 I think we can start off with the kitchen.

01:29:38.000 I think I love the kitchen the second most, aside from my office.

01:29:43.000 I have a big old island, which I've never had an island before, so this is really awesome.

01:29:46.000 We have the chairs, so I don't have to actually buy a table to eat on.

01:29:49.000 So we have this.

01:29:50.000 Is this prostitution? 1.00

01:29:52.000 Which I think that's pretty fansy, a wine fridge.

01:29:54.000 Like, she doesn't do OnlyFans, but clearly, 100% of the people who watch her are young incel simps who just jerk off while she shows her island. 0.52

01:30:04.000 Yeah.

01:30:04.000 It's a sugar daddy.

01:30:05.000 Like, no one's watching this going, oh, that's a cool island.

01:30:07.000 Congratulations.

01:30:08.000 I love your new $2 million apartment, you Bernie socialist.

01:30:12.000 It's fancy, so.

01:30:14.000 We have our Nespresso over here.

01:30:17.000 I actually don't drink coffee, but like, this is nice.

01:30:21.000 You know, you've got the famous oven that I burn everything on.

01:30:24.000 We got this neat fridge that holds food.

01:30:28.000 This is like Martha Stewart vibe.

01:30:30.000 Like, I think only people that are like Martha Stewarts will find this very pleasing. 0.92

01:30:35.000 How does this person have a career?

01:30:36.000 It's just her tits, right? 1.00

01:30:38.000 The whole kitchen is in her iPad.

01:30:43.000 No, it's not.

01:30:44.000 But it would be cool if it was.

01:30:46.000 So.

01:30:47.000 But then you go, like, she's not showing her clit or her tits or anything, right?

01:30:51.000 Right.

01:30:52.000 So, like, how is this different from Raquel Welch when I was young or Farrah Fawcett or Daisy Duke?

01:30:59.000 I believe the entertainment part seems to be missing.

01:31:02.000 Like, how is this?

01:31:03.000 Is this...

01:31:05.000 It's hard to objectively?

01:31:07.000 I object to this, but it's hard to be objective to my objection.

01:31:11.000 Right.

01:31:11.000 Like, how is this different from Daisy Duke and Duke's a Hazzard in her little short shorts?

01:31:15.000 Well, she did definitely, Daisy Duke was probably like 32. 1.00

01:31:20.000 All the women that I was taught to love when I was a young man were it. 0.91

01:31:24.000 We did a segment on this.

01:31:24.000 They're all 30 years old.

01:31:27.000 Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease, the divinals when I touch myself.

01:31:31.000 They could also hug.

01:31:34.000 And if you come over here, this is my work in progress, by the way.

01:31:39.000 This is my Adventure Time-themed bathroom.

01:31:42.000 So as you guys can see here...

01:31:46.000 We have Adventure Time towels, hand towels.

01:31:50.000 Okay.

01:31:50.000 Finn, BMO.

01:31:52.000 I zoned out.

01:31:54.000 Yeah, we're making this show boring.

01:31:57.000 Okay, look at the last thing, though.

01:31:58.000 This is what she normally does, what she's known for.

01:32:01.000 And it just seems powerfully sad.

01:32:03.000 I just smell male loneliness when I look at her.

01:32:07.000 It makes me sad.

01:32:12.000 I don't know if my sponsors would like that, you know.

01:32:15.000 I'm just like, I just want to cuss you out.

01:32:20.000 Listen, chat.

01:32:21.000 I'm not to like, I'm not, listen, I'm not threatening anybody, okay?

01:32:24.000 I'm not threatening anybody.

01:32:26.000 But like, do you really think that people should be offending or trying to say anything mean to me?

01:32:32.000 I, I chew my ice cream.

01:32:36.000 Like, I bite into my ice cream.

01:32:38.000 I bite into it.

01:32:40.000 Do you really want to mess with someone that bites into their ice cream?

01:32:43.000 Like, you really want to talk shit on someone that bites into their ice cream?

01:32:47.000 I don't think so.

01:32:48.000 So when does she do the thing? 0.99

01:32:50.000 I don't think so.

01:32:51.000 This guy's jerking off.

01:32:52.000 Is this the thing?

01:32:53.000 This is it.

01:32:53.000 Oh, no.

01:32:54.000 This is it.

01:32:56.000 Like.

01:32:57.000 I'll pay you $75 to microwave bread for 10 minutes and then bite into it.

01:33:02.000 This is sub-Sugar Daddy.

01:33:04.000 With Sugar Daddy, you go to dinner and then she pretends to think that you're interesting.

01:33:09.000 You definitely.

01:33:09.000 Yeah, like we had Farah Fawcett posters in our room when we were kids, but we didn't stare at it and say, I love you.

01:33:15.000 I want to listen to you.

01:33:16.000 Right.

01:33:17.000 I would never listen to Farrah Fawcett.

01:33:18.000 I'm going to suck my ice cream, someone wrote.

01:33:20.000 Like, guys are typing that and then jerking off.

01:33:23.000 I bet.

01:33:25.000 It reminds me of this meme I saw where this girl, she got $10,000 from an OnlyFans fan, and she goes, I just got $10,000 for my biggest fan.

01:33:35.000 I'm so excited.

01:33:36.000 And then later you see she's posting, me and my boyfriend are traveling the world together, which is hard to do on $10,000.

01:33:44.000 But it helps.

01:33:46.000 And I'm sure you just need a few more OnlyFans. 0.54

01:33:49.000 So her boyfriend's fucking her all over Paris. 0.99

01:33:52.000 And you're like, I love you.

01:33:55.000 I don't know, man.

01:33:56.000 Sick.

01:33:56.000 No, it's really sick.

01:33:57.000 It's a depraved culture.

01:33:59.000 And when they send the money, they're like, she remembers me, because that one time I sent her the money.

01:34:04.000 Did you find what I was talking about?

01:34:06.000 I was like, let's see.

01:34:07.000 No, I found something that's actually kind of cool.

01:34:08.000 Fugitive QAnon fans run up at the $10,000 dinner tab and bails.

01:34:12.000 Wait, dinner tab?

01:34:14.000 That's got nothing to do with what we're talking about, dude.

01:34:19.000 As per usual.

01:34:21.000 Um, let's go to the mailbag before we take calls quickly.

01:34:29.000 Oh.

01:34:32.000 What's going on?

01:34:32.000 Her Twitch was still going.

01:34:35.000 Couldn't help.

01:34:38.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dead.

01:34:43.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

01:34:48.000 Let me touch it.

01:34:53.000 Dear Gavin, nobody watch Milo's show and nobody else in the network can carry a show.

01:34:56.000 Sometimes I can watch the kangaroo, but I really only watch your show.

01:34:58.000 Everyone else is too fucking stiff.

01:35:00.000 Okay, that's one person's opinion.

01:35:04.000 Watching you live talk about Perry.

01:35:06.000 Check in on Perry's free Twitch if you have four to eight hours.

01:35:09.000 I've been a longtime fan of Perry.

01:35:11.000 I was just, my phone reminded me of, you know, photo moments.

01:35:14.000 And there was Johnny Knoxville, dressed as Scary Perry.

01:35:18.000 From, I don't know when, I don't know where.

01:35:21.000 We were working on this thing where Johnny Knoxville was going to get his job as Scary Perry in the new movie.

01:35:27.000 And then for revenge, Perry was going to become the new Johnny Knoxville and do Jackass.

01:35:33.000 This was around Jackass 3 hadn't been made yet.

01:35:36.000 And they were obviously going to have Perry do insane shit. 0.90

01:35:39.000 Like go to a gay bar and get fucked up the ass. 1.00

01:35:41.000 Like they were really...

01:35:42.000 This is back before PC was winning.

01:35:46.000 Thank you for giving me your hat all those years ago.

01:35:50.000 I wear it all.

01:35:50.000 Oh, this is 2016.

01:35:52.000 Wrong, I never gave you shit because you're a punk. 0.56

01:35:55.000 You stole my hat.

01:35:57.000 So you're a thief.

01:35:59.000 You just want to steal from me?

01:36:01.000 So this is 2016, but he's talking about long, long ago.

01:36:07.000 Anyway, it's gotten a little regular lately where Perry gets paid for stunts and to be mocked. 0.96

01:36:10.000 But if you watch the YouTube, Tom B tries to cut things down.

01:36:13.000 The first few I laughed so hard that I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

01:36:18.000 One thing that hits me often as I watch, Perry's basically a narcissist who hasn't worked, would sell his soul, think he's more right slash moral than everyone, and thinks he will only marry Scarlett Johansson.

01:36:29.000 He's every millennial.

01:36:31.000 Great point.

01:36:32.000 Then he goes on on that.

01:36:35.000 This is from a guy named Jameson.

01:36:36.000 Woman rarely have it, but this chick's timing is magical. 1.00

01:36:40.000 So we have a female comedian with the sprinkles. 1.00

01:36:43.000 I don't believe you.

01:36:45.000 Happy Proud Month.

01:36:47.000 We are sacheting away with deals.

01:36:49.000 This month at the butter shop, we're running a special deal.

01:36:53.000 If you can prove that you're queer, you get three pints off your choice of creamed, checked, or drowned in the middle of the city. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Okay, that's great.

01:37:01.000 Thank you.

01:37:02.000 And if you do.

01:37:02.000 David and Reiser.

01:37:03.000 This is one of the cutest things ever.

01:37:05.000 Never gone skiing with a toddler, but I might try it.

01:37:13.000 Okay, thanks for that.

01:37:17.000 My dudes, Tig was edited into the movie after they canceled Chris DeLia.

01:37:21.000 No.

01:37:21.000 Yeah, we know that, right?

01:37:22.000 Oh, no.

01:37:23.000 Oh, you didn't know that?

01:37:24.000 No.

01:37:24.000 I thought we talked about that on the show.

01:37:26.000 That's why her stuff sucks so hard.

01:37:28.000 Scene you all shared.

01:37:29.000 She's not in the frame With the other characters because she literally wasn't there.

01:37:34.000 I thought we talked about that.

01:37:37.000 Holy shit!

01:37:38.000 Play your Tignitaro drop.

01:37:40.000 I can't wait.

01:37:40.000 No fucking way.

01:37:42.000 Holy shit.

01:37:46.000 So a dude dropped out because he's been raping women.

01:37:50.000 Who do we got that can sort of help counter that?

01:37:53.000 How about a lesbian with no tits? 1.00

01:37:56.000 Hey, Gavin, I heard you mention on yesterday's show you were thinking about doing a video for Lynn Manuel's new movie, The Heights.

01:38:00.000 I worked on the trailer for that movie a year ago.

01:38:02.000 It is absolute garbage.

01:38:04.000 It was so funny listening to all the leftist retards working at the studios freelancing for trying to fend the movie. 1.00

01:38:09.000 You could tell they were lying to themselves.

01:38:11.000 You know what?

01:38:12.000 Because of their obsession with Hamilton.

01:38:13.000 He's going to ride those coattails for a while.

01:38:16.000 Yeah, no one in Washington Heights is not on welfare.

01:38:22.000 Kind of hard to do a thing on Washington Heights and not mention that.

01:38:30.000 Alexander.

01:38:31.000 Let's take some calls.

01:38:33.000 All right.

01:38:39.000 Got to do a couple things here and should be set up at about 15, 15, 20 seconds here.

01:38:46.000 Okay, okay.

01:38:52.000 This is your japtin speaking.

01:38:54.000 Oh, here's one we got to do.

01:38:57.000 Yo, fags, that final video you couldn't find on Wednesday Zap was rapper Cameron spitting in a little girl's face. 1.00

01:39:04.000 It's from the absolute worst movie ever made, Kill a Season.

01:39:09.000 Here's the link.

01:39:11.000 Amen.

01:39:12.000 Oh, we gotta watch Kill a Season sometime.

01:39:14.000 Did you flag it?

01:39:15.000 This is final video.

01:39:18.000 I can flag it, Little Girl Face Spit. 1.00

01:39:20.000 It's from Kyle.

01:39:22.000 Okay.

01:39:22.000 Flag the blue.

01:39:24.000 Yep.

01:39:24.000 Got it.

01:39:49.000 Wow, this is bad.

01:40:11.000 Little bitch. 1.00

01:40:13.000 Wait, is she dead?

01:40:14.000 Motherfucker killed my niece. 1.00

01:40:17.000 I don't understand them.

01:40:18.000 Yeah, she's dead.

01:40:19.000 Because that little faggot motherfucker killed my... 1.00

01:40:22.000 Cameron's a Harlem dude.

01:40:24.000 Remember that, what?

01:40:25.000 Purple dip, whatever?

01:40:27.000 Oh, the dip set.

01:40:29.000 Dip set.

01:40:30.000 Bird gang.

01:40:31.000 No, wait, no, that's a different one.

01:40:32.000 Yeah.

01:40:33.000 Yeah, there we go.

01:40:34.000 Very weird vibe.

01:40:36.000 Weird scene.

01:40:37.000 All right.

01:40:38.000 We really waited late for these calls.

01:40:40.000 Thanks a lot, Rolling Stone.

01:40:42.000 Chilloo.

01:40:43.000 Rolling Stone.

01:40:46.000 There's the number to call in right there.

01:40:48.000 And first caller, John.

01:40:51.000 You're online.

01:40:56.000 Hello?

01:40:57.000 Hello?

01:41:02.000 I have a heart condition.

01:41:04.000 If you hit me, it's murder.

01:41:11.000 I just re-watched a lot of those dudes.

01:41:14.000 So I'm telling you, that movie is amazing.

01:41:18.000 First off, I want to say thank you to both of you for keeping me happy every day.

01:41:24.000 Every day I watch your shows, and it's just awesome.

01:41:28.000 I was having a conversation with a couple of friends of mine.

01:41:32.000 And, you know, it's really hard to stay positive.

01:41:34.000 I wanted your advice on all the doom and gloom that everybody shoots out about how America is going to burn to the ground.

01:41:42.000 And obviously we see that.

01:41:43.000 But I'm trying to do something good with my life.

01:41:47.000 And it's kind of hard to negate that.

01:41:50.000 But I just didn't know if you had any, I don't know, any two cents to throw in there for somebody that's trying to turn things around, even though the atmosphere sucks.

01:42:01.000 Well, this country and the Western world was founded on the notion of hard work and gaining self-worth from hard work.

01:42:10.000 So if you're losing in a fight, you don't give up.

01:42:13.000 You don't throw in the towel.

01:42:14.000 You just keep on plugging away.

01:42:17.000 And that's who we are.

01:42:18.000 When there's a major problem like we're in right now, we know we just have to fix it.

01:42:22.000 It's just harder to fix.

01:42:24.000 It's like being an entrepreneur.

01:42:25.000 You know, there was a massive flood in the restaurant and the insurance isn't going to cover it.

01:42:30.000 Oh, well, I guess we can't take a paycheck this week or this month, but we just have to keep plowing through it and get our bank balance back up.

01:42:39.000 And that's what we have to do with this country.

01:42:41.000 That's what we have to do with Western civilization.

01:42:43.000 Remember, we've been through a hell of a lot worse.

01:42:46.000 The American Revolution, the Civil War, Vietnam, Korea was worse than this.

01:42:50.000 And we had more division in the war in Vietnam as far as like families not speaking to each other and all that kind of stuff.

01:42:57.000 So we've dealt with this shit before, and it is horrible, but maybe it's because things have been so good for so long that it seems like we're in the eye of the storm of the apocalypse.

01:43:08.000 But yeah, the Great Depression, lining up for fucking food.

01:43:12.000 We've been through a lot worse, and you just got to keep chugging away.

01:43:16.000 Like when my wife was really upset that my son's not invited to some fucking party, and I'm like, all right, well, then we'll make a party.

01:43:21.000 I can drive him somewhere.

01:43:22.000 I'll take him to Cooperstown, whatever.

01:43:25.000 We'll go to an arcade or, you know, we'll figure it out.

01:43:30.000 And that's where we're at with this country.

01:43:32.000 We just got to figure it out.

01:43:34.000 Now, I know you get paranoid at like four in the morning when you start having the terrors, but you wake up, you have some Gatorade, you have a coffee, you have an English muffin with some Ron Darling on it, and the next thing you know, everything seems manageable.

01:43:48.000 It's all manageable.

01:43:51.000 You turn around and walk away.

01:43:54.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:43:56.000 No need for platitudes.

01:43:58.000 No need for thank you.

01:43:59.000 Somebody Says, go get drunk.

01:44:03.000 Hey, can you hear me?

01:44:04.000 Yep.

01:44:06.000 Gavin, go get drunk.

01:44:08.000 This is like corporate you.

01:44:10.000 We were just watching morning television.

01:44:12.000 What the fuck are we doing here?

01:44:14.000 I thought it was pretty funny.

01:44:15.000 I am going to go get drunk after this show.

01:44:20.000 Yeah.

01:44:20.000 When you're doing off-the-cuff shit, you got to be wasted because this is a terrible show.

01:44:25.000 All right.

01:44:25.000 Well, thanks for calling.

01:44:29.000 Well, it's not just Monday.

01:44:30.000 That was pretty good, actually.

01:44:32.000 I liked it.

01:44:33.000 I liked it.

01:44:34.000 I like me.

01:44:36.000 President John.

01:44:39.000 Yeah, Ryan, yeah.

01:44:42.000 What a vivacious duo.

01:44:45.000 How are you guys doing tonight?

01:44:47.000 Very good, sir.

01:44:48.000 We're good.

01:44:48.000 Donald Trump's drunk uncle?

01:44:52.000 Well, I'm a little drunk, a little tipsy.

01:44:56.000 We're all tipsy sometimes.

01:44:58.000 But I wanted to call this evening because I wanted the origin story of Ryan and Gav.

01:45:06.000 Maybe Gav can say a little quip about when he met Ryan, and Ryan can give a little story about the first time he met Gav.

01:45:16.000 Because, you know, I really love you guys.

01:45:19.000 I want to kiss you.

01:45:20.000 I just love you.

01:45:22.000 And I'll tell you, I'm going to come.

01:45:25.000 I'm going to come.

01:45:26.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:45:28.000 You sound like John Kinsman that probably isn't.

01:45:33.000 That was pretty good.

01:45:34.000 So you were a fan of Pat Dixon, your compound media.

01:45:37.000 You would go by that.

01:45:38.000 You were a fan of Anthony Coomia, Open Anthony.

01:45:40.000 You go by Compound Media a lot.

01:45:42.000 That's right.

01:45:42.000 You had no money, so you were spending all your credit cards staying at a youth hostel because you lived upstate.

01:45:47.000 And then you got a gig at the Pat Dixon show because you can do imitations.

01:45:52.000 And you did Asian Pat Dixon. 0.92

01:45:54.000 And then I said, you did an imitation of me.

01:45:56.000 And I said, oh, you should be Asian Gavin. 1.00

01:45:58.000 Did you know that pissed off Pat?

01:46:00.000 I didn't know it pissed him off, but he said, oh, you stole my Asian.

01:46:04.000 Yeah, no, he was kind of like, not upset, but he was like, that's not cool.

01:46:08.000 I have Asian Pat Dixon. 0.93

01:46:09.000 Then you make him Asian Gavin McInnes. 0.98

01:46:11.000 And I got to admit, that never occurred to me in my wildest dreams.

01:46:16.000 And I see his point now, but back when he said it, I thought, dude, it was not malicious.

01:46:20.000 Like, I didn't.

01:46:21.000 I just thought, there's the funny nip.

01:46:24.000 Let's make him, I want him to do tricks too.

01:46:26.000 Yeah.

01:46:27.000 I was just happy to do it.

01:46:28.000 It's like a funny dog was at the studio and it was doing flips and I had him on my show.

01:46:33.000 And then I had Dave Cast as my sidekick for a long time, but Laura Ingram scooped him.

01:46:40.000 And Dave Cast was like an intern who ended up being my producer.

01:46:45.000 Now he does Laura Ingram's show.

01:46:47.000 And I needed a guy.

01:46:49.000 And you had been coming by, I think, my show or someone else's show.

01:46:55.000 And you figured out all the equipment.

01:46:57.000 Yeah, Pat and me would film at night.

01:46:59.000 Like with nobody else there.

01:47:00.000 I'd learn how to wrap up the studio, open it up, start all the stuff.

01:47:03.000 Who did when you were doing Pat's show?

01:47:05.000 And then we would do like, I would be the only one there knowing the tech stuff, so you got the cameras all set up and learned the TriCaster.

01:47:11.000 Did Pat pay you?

01:47:13.000 No, I wouldn't ask him for money.

01:47:15.000 I mean, because he wasn't making enough to warrant paying me, and I was happy to...

01:47:20.000 It's like an internship.

01:47:21.000 Like, why should an intern get paid?

01:47:22.000 You know, at that point, I wasn't sure.

01:47:23.000 I wouldn't ask why.

01:47:24.000 I was asking if you got paid.

01:47:25.000 No.

01:47:26.000 So then, what was the first day I said, hey, come work on this show?

01:47:30.000 He would pay me for other stuff.

01:47:31.000 But how long was it?

01:47:34.000 No.

01:47:35.000 What was the, I don't remember, like, saying.

01:47:37.000 Oh, you took me across.

01:47:39.000 I met you across the street at the bar, and you were like, so my guy's leaving.

01:47:44.000 He's like, maybe if you can come in and then just kind of like hold it down for a little bit while I find a real producer, actually.

01:47:51.000 Like, I was going to be like a transient or is that what you call it?

01:47:55.000 Transitional producer.

01:47:57.000 And then we, and then it's been his.

01:47:59.000 And that was CR-TV.

01:48:01.000 Yeah.

01:48:01.000 We were having a beer at John Sullivan's.

01:48:04.000 And then when I got fired from CR-TV The Blaze, how long before we recorded a new show?

01:48:13.000 A couple months.

01:48:14.000 And then we wanted to wait.

01:48:16.000 And you weren't getting paid then?

01:48:17.000 Yeah, you were.

01:48:18.000 I was paying you for two months where you did nothing?

01:48:21.000 Well, we were putting up clips and we were working on stuff behind the scenes.

01:48:24.000 I was moving the gear from.

01:48:26.000 Oh, so we knew we were going to go solo.

01:48:27.000 Yeah.

01:48:28.000 Immediately.

01:48:29.000 Yeah, we actually, there's an.

01:48:30.000 I remember because I was fired on Christmas and then I had a meeting with someone January 1st.

01:48:36.000 Yeah, you know what's funny?

01:48:37.000 They told us before we were done making shows.

01:48:40.000 So there's one of the shows that we knew that we were going to be off already.

01:48:45.000 One of the last shows.

01:48:46.000 Hi, welcome to the National Nigger Hour, where we talk about why the Holocaust didn't happen and why seven-year-old girls are sexy and usually cock teases. 0.98

01:48:57.000 Let's start with some kiddie porn and then footage of a bear getting fucked by, I was going to say getting fucked by a dead mouse.

01:49:05.000 That's the grossest thing I could say.

01:49:07.000 By the DJ dead mouse.

01:49:08.000 A bear.

01:49:09.000 And then you take a little tiny dead mouse and you sort of put it in the little bear's ass.

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:14.000 This is the worst thing on video.

01:49:17.000 That was on the spot.

01:49:18.000 Oh yeah, we didn't even just say that.

01:49:19.000 We filmed it.

01:49:21.000 That's pretty funny.

01:49:22.000 Don't merge with the blaze.

01:49:26.000 You know what's funny is why guys.

01:49:27.000 That wrote last episode?

01:49:28.000 After examining why girls are so hot, we ask if someone is a Nazi, is offensive using a... 1.00

01:49:33.000 So there's Nazi and hot girls in that statement. 0.74

01:49:36.000 So not too far off.

01:49:37.000 That was the second to last one.

01:49:39.000 And I was actually looking at these to see the improvement of the sound over time and the image quality.

01:49:47.000 Last night I was doing that.

01:49:49.000 And we came a long way.

01:49:50.000 You know, those first episodes, there were some really great episodes on the CRTV archives there.

01:49:55.000 But we had to bleep everything out, had to be censored.

01:49:57.000 I wasn't allowed to mention Proud Boys.

01:49:59.000 Right.

01:50:00.000 Yeah, it felt a little tight, you know, working there.

01:50:02.000 And then, dude, one time, you know, they wanted us to, every time you say shit or fuck or anything, obviously you take that out.

01:50:08.000 One time I let cunt go through. 1.00

01:50:11.000 And I was sitting at home watching it like, oh my God.

01:50:15.000 Oh my me.

01:50:16.000 It was really bad.

01:50:18.000 It was so bad.

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 That's the worst thing I've ever heard.

01:50:20.000 What a cunt you are. 1.00

01:50:22.000 Correct.

01:50:22.000 Next call.

01:50:23.000 Now we could say it all willy-nilly.

01:50:25.000 Williard.

01:50:26.000 Milliard.

01:50:27.000 Joshua.

01:50:31.000 Nine sip.

01:50:31.000 Oh, hello?

01:50:32.000 He just dropped.

01:50:33.000 We'll call back.

01:50:34.000 I'll recognize your first three numbers.

01:50:36.000 Fireside chat artist.

01:50:40.000 Does it do anything?

01:50:42.000 Does it say anything?

01:50:46.000 So I was wondering if you've seen Flags of Our Fathers by Clint Eastwood.

01:50:53.000 Yes.

01:50:55.000 You have.

01:50:57.000 Yes, I believe I have.

01:51:00.000 Why do you ask?

01:51:03.000 Oh, because there's scenes in it where it's showing fucking, you know, Native Americans at the time were treated poorly.

01:51:13.000 And the fucking left right now is fucking treating it like it's still the fucking way it is.

01:51:20.000 And it's fucking annoying as shit.

01:51:24.000 But the other thing is...

01:51:25.000 Wait, are they mad about the movie?

01:51:27.000 Are they mad about the movie?

01:51:29.000 No, I'm mad about how fucking right now it's like, I know that back then, sure, that's how it was.

01:51:39.000 But fucking now, come on. 0.99

01:51:42.000 Well, they're all mad about those kids that were found, those graves from the 20s.

01:51:48.000 These kids separated from their families.

01:51:50.000 And you're like, yes, it was horrific.

01:51:52.000 But, you know, we did separate white kids from their families, too. 0.67

01:51:55.000 It was a horrible time.

01:51:57.000 Yeah.

01:51:58.000 Seriously.

01:52:00.000 Fucking A. Oh, and I was also wondering, you guys should do like a zine.

01:52:04.000 I feel like people would buy that shit.

01:52:06.000 Yeah, Milo and I plan to do a zine with a cassette.

01:52:09.000 We're going to do a zine, and thanks for calling, by the way.

01:52:11.000 We're going to do like a 16-page zine with the cassette, which is a great idea if you have any free time whatsoever.

01:52:18.000 But I've got this show, the gym, all my kids' sports, my daughter's boxing, my boys' boxing, baseball with two of the boys.

01:52:26.000 I mean, I get like an hour a day.

01:52:30.000 And it's hard to even be an alcoholic these days.

01:52:33.000 Because I go into the bar, I order a maker's mark and a beer, and I usually have to chug the beer.

01:52:38.000 Because I'm down to like 40 minutes at the bar every day now, which is a crime.

01:52:44.000 Next call.

01:52:47.000 Got Kim on the line.

01:52:52.000 Hey, guys.

01:52:53.000 Hey, man.

01:52:53.000 Salvador.

01:52:55.000 Hello.

01:52:56.000 Hey, I just need to, you guys have been on fire lately.

01:52:58.000 Thanks for everything you're doing.

01:53:00.000 I just had to correct Gavin's pronunciation of a certain word he seems fond of using lately.

01:53:07.000 And that is eponymous.

01:53:08.000 Eponymous.

01:53:10.000 But Gavin likes to say eponymous.

01:53:13.000 I just had to bring that to light.

01:53:15.000 Okay.

01:53:15.000 Thanks for calling.

01:53:16.000 It's great to catch up.

01:53:18.000 Also.

01:53:20.000 Next call.

01:53:21.000 Remember, you only get one thing, so you might want to waste it on a.

01:53:25.000 Tony, about the green screen from the other day.

01:53:31.000 Hey, y'all.

01:53:32.000 Hey, man.

01:53:33.000 Thanks for taking my call.

01:53:34.000 Gavin Ryan.

01:53:35.000 Hello.

01:53:36.000 I love the show.

01:53:37.000 Just wanted to point out one thing about the Coach Buddy's green screen from the other day.

01:53:42.000 The bikers stopping to buy lemonade.

01:53:46.000 Many of us were taught since we were little, no matter what you do, is you stop and buy lemonade from little kids that are selling it no matter what.

01:53:57.000 So I would also point out that those kids had bubble machines, which made it extra special.

01:54:02.000 So pretty sure that anybody would have stopped to buy lemonade from them.

01:54:10.000 Certainly I would.

01:54:12.000 And probably you would have too.

01:54:13.000 Yeah.

01:54:14.000 That's my only coward.

01:54:15.000 Thanks for the show.

01:54:16.000 Cheers.

01:54:17.000 By the way, speaking of cuckbuddies, that reminded me of a viewer sent in a thing, a doohickey, called it's a new, not a new, it's a Reddit, totally devoted to cuckbuddies.

01:54:32.000 Nice.

01:54:33.000 Now, excuse me if this is ancient news for you.

01:54:36.000 It's not ancient news for me.

01:54:38.000 Shit lib safari.

01:54:40.000 All one word.

01:54:42.000 And it's just nothing but people treating blacks like pets and saying things like, this picture of a Marine holding the door as Gianna Floyd walks into the White House is everything.

01:54:57.000 Lots of is everything.

01:55:00.000 Or there's one kind of far down.

01:55:02.000 It's called, it's from Melinda Byrelli, and it says, black Twitter is funniest Twitter and most enlightening Twitter.

01:55:11.000 It's farther down, Ryan.

01:55:13.000 I recommend an observe, like, and share approach because we whites ruin things. 1.00

01:55:19.000 And she says, I see so much hilarity there.

01:55:22.000 This is a tweet, Ryan.

01:55:23.000 It was a tweet.

01:55:24.000 No, fucking...

01:55:27.000 Keep going.

01:55:28.000 Keep going.

01:55:30.000 Keep going.

01:55:31.000 There we go.

01:55:31.000 There you got it.

01:55:32.000 You got it.

01:55:32.000 Nope.

01:55:33.000 Up.

01:55:33.000 There.

01:55:34.000 I see so much hilarity there.

01:55:36.000 Most of it is unique to their experience of the world.

01:55:38.000 The wordplay, the delivery, it's a gift.

01:55:42.000 Just let it wash over you.

01:55:45.000 There will be things that confuse you.

01:55:47.000 Be at peace with it.

01:55:48.000 You don't have to be the audience for everything.

01:55:51.000 Over time, you see themes emerging.

01:55:54.000 It's then you start to grow.

01:55:56.000 Like, how can that not be a joke?

01:56:00.000 How can that be real?

01:56:04.000 We whites ruin things. 0.88

01:56:08.000 Yeah.

01:56:08.000 I wish we'd invented something and created some sort of systems that people could operate societies in.

01:56:15.000 You know, like separating church and state and the Industrial Revolution and electricity.

01:56:22.000 Anyway.

01:56:24.000 Angelou.

01:56:24.000 You know, in that...

01:56:25.000 Sorry, go ahead, Angela.

01:56:27.000 Angelou?

01:56:28.000 Or Angelou?

01:56:28.000 Brother Man, Brother Man.

01:56:30.000 Brother Man, Brother Man.

01:56:31.000 Yo, Brother Man.

01:56:32.000 Brother Man.

01:56:33.000 Listen, I want to thank you and blame you for having my third kid with my wife.

01:56:39.000 Right on.

01:56:40.000 And, well, listen, great.

01:56:42.000 I had a vasectomy after that.

01:56:44.000 Oh.

01:56:44.000 And then my wife came one day and woke me up and said, hey, good news, I'm pregnant.

01:56:48.000 What?

01:56:49.000 Ooh, you busted through.

01:56:53.000 Listen, nobody knows this, but vasectomies, they don't stop from having kids.

01:56:57.000 And I want to give a warning to everybody.

01:56:59.000 Your kids just come out a lot darker for some reason.

01:57:05.000 Well, congratulations on your African gift.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, right now, I couldn't be happier.

01:57:11.000 It was the best mistake Doctor ever made, and I got four kids.

01:57:15.000 And definitely have to say thank you for that.

01:57:18.000 All right, well, thank you, buddy.

01:57:19.000 Thanks for calling.

01:57:20.000 That guy's a fucking winner right there.

01:57:22.000 You think of all the things you can win, like you got a Ferrari, ooh, or a promotion.

01:57:28.000 Ah, it's not in the same universe as a child.

01:57:33.000 And I know rich dudes, I'm on their boats, and I go, great boat.

01:57:38.000 A lot of maintenance, though.

01:57:40.000 Fuck.

01:57:40.000 And the price of gas just to get this thing going.

01:57:44.000 But I see some tradesman who's making 80 grand a year, which is low for a tradesman, with five kids.

01:57:53.000 And I just think, fuck.

01:57:55.000 Especially when some of them are old.

01:57:57.000 Like, you have a 20-year-old that you made?

01:57:59.000 Fuck, what the fuck was I doing all that stupid time?

01:58:02.000 Even my son today, my eight-year-old in the back of the car.

01:58:06.000 He goes, yeah, that's why you're going to be dead when I'm like 12.

01:58:09.000 Oh, my God.

01:58:10.000 And then he goes, 12.

01:58:12.000 He's in the car.

01:58:12.000 We're coming back from boxing with him and his buddy.

01:58:14.000 I take his buddy and he goes, he goes, that's a good roast.

01:58:19.000 He goes, you say to someone, you're going to be dead by the time I'm six.

01:58:24.000 And then his friend laughs and he goes, yeah, because you're already six.

01:58:27.000 That's a lot.

01:58:28.000 And it is a good roast.

01:58:29.000 Weird diss.

01:58:30.000 He's funny.

01:58:31.000 You're going to die by the time I'm 25 and I'm 50.

01:58:35.000 All right.

01:58:36.000 It doesn't translate that well out of Kid Land.

01:58:38.000 Out of Kid Land, yeah.

01:58:40.000 This guy's name is Ryan Tob.

01:58:42.000 Hey, Ryan also.

01:58:46.000 Ryan?

01:58:47.000 Ryan?

01:58:48.000 From Connecticut?

01:58:49.000 No, I'm a different Ryan.

01:58:52.000 Oh, dude, what up, dog?

01:58:54.000 It's Brian Densmore from Connecticut.

01:58:56.000 Hey, Miss Canteet, bro.

01:58:58.000 That's my name.

01:58:59.000 That's where I live.

01:59:00.000 I'm from Connecticut.

01:59:01.000 That's my name.

01:59:02.000 Guys, fucking bring it.

01:59:05.000 But, um, but yeah, but I wanted to talk about how, like, if people want to be fucking democratic, like, the worst thing in your racist, the fucking...

01:59:21.000 It's.

01:59:23.000 God.

01:59:25.000 You got it.

01:59:25.000 Thanks for calling, man.

01:59:26.000 It was great catching up.

01:59:28.000 Almost.

01:59:28.000 Oh, no.

01:59:29.000 It dropped?

01:59:30.000 Did it drop?

01:59:31.000 Or did he hang it?

01:59:32.000 Okay, last call.

01:59:33.000 I think he burned.

01:59:34.000 Oh, shit.

01:59:34.000 Can we do something real quick?

01:59:35.000 The chat has sent in voice.

01:59:37.000 There's not a lot, but there's voice messages.

01:59:40.000 Okay.

01:59:40.000 Here's a couple.

01:59:41.000 They've been working on this.

01:59:42.000 They'll end with those then.

01:59:43.000 And they screen them, too, which is pretty cool.

01:59:45.000 Okay.

01:59:45.000 These are good.

01:59:46.000 Screened voice messages from the chat, which is a place I've never been.

01:59:50.000 Okay.

01:59:53.000 So what do you think of the situation in Scotland with the SNP, Humzy Youssef and Nicholas Sturgeon's Tinpot dictatorship and the hate speech laws where now in Scotland you can't even insult trannies or fucking queers your own home without it being against the law. 0.99

02:00:15.000 It's pretty fucked up.

02:00:16.000 Seems incongruous with what I've always considered to be the Scottish spirit, primal scream, battered Mars bars and heroin usage.

02:00:25.000 It's a shame to see another fucking Celtic country go down to shitter to this fucking wackadoo fucking Marxist nonsense.

02:00:32.000 Yeah.

02:00:33.000 I'd be interested to hear what you think of it.

02:00:35.000 Well, I've said it before.

02:00:36.000 I think Scotland lives out of spite of England, so they just do whatever England doesn't do.

02:00:42.000 And if England's not being PC enough, then they have to go crazy PC.

02:00:46.000 Canada does this too with America. 0.59

02:00:48.000 They think we're racist, so they go anti-racist nuts.

02:00:52.000 We're catching up with them now because it became popular.

02:00:54.000 But I don't think Scotland has any viability as an independent country.

02:00:58.000 They have no industry.

02:01:00.000 They've got whiskey.

02:01:02.000 They think they have oil.

02:01:04.000 England owns that oil.

02:01:05.000 So I don't know where you think you're going to start.

02:01:08.000 Your dollar's fake.

02:01:09.000 It's the English pound with a Scottish face on it.

02:01:11.000 It's Canadian tire money, basically.

02:01:14.000 And so separatism is stupid.

02:01:16.000 And yeah, this idea that you're going to make your mark by oppressing your own people is just sad and ridiculous.

02:01:24.000 It's fucking pathetic.

02:01:26.000 You know, I love Scotland in many ways, but I also hate it.

02:01:29.000 And their over-glorification of the underdog is just a curse at this point.

02:01:35.000 All right, next message.

02:01:36.000 We got to go.

02:01:37.000 Teatable.

02:01:38.000 What do you, Gavin?

02:01:40.000 I was wondering if you could give me some advice on this.

02:01:42.000 Just tell me what you think.

02:01:58.000 That was beautiful.

02:01:59.000 Nice.

02:02:00.000 My only complaint would be I could tell it wasn't the actual song and you were doing your mouth because you change your vum vum jum jum.

02:02:09.000 It's the exact same, all three.

02:02:11.000 And they're sort of monosyllabalic.

02:02:14.000 And so it goes, so there's.

02:02:28.000 Now that actually switched to the real song, you probably can't tell where.

02:02:31.000 But so the first two are different, but the first two and the second two are the same.

02:02:37.000 You know what I mean?

02:02:38.000 So it's the jum jum is different.

02:02:45.000 But so it's ABAB.

02:02:47.000 Wait, do it one more time?

02:02:48.000 Okay.

02:02:53.000 Oh, I see.

02:02:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:02:54.000 See what I'm doing?

02:02:55.000 Fuck the second part, right?

02:02:56.000 Yeah.

02:02:58.000 That's when I'm using my tongue.

02:03:00.000 That was fucking good there, eh?

02:03:02.000 Cody Kanak.

02:03:03.000 It's Cody Kanaki or fuck.

02:03:04.000 Gavin, you ever think those fucking years of you being a fucking vegetarian has stunted your old raisin-eyed fucking ass from getting fucking ripped?

02:03:14.000 Take it easy.

02:03:16.000 Yes, I have Cody Kanak.

02:03:17.000 It's something I think of on a regular basis, especially as my eldest boy and I are now eye to eye.

02:03:24.000 What the fuck have I done?

02:03:25.000 14 years I wasted eating, literally eating soy.

02:03:29.000 Everything we all make fun Of today because of crass, which is a great bookend to the show.

02:03:34.000 Here's a terrible drawing that will not be for sale anywhere because it sucks.

02:03:39.000 Thank you for tuning in.

02:03:41.000 We might do a show tomorrow.

02:03:43.000 Who knows?

02:03:44.000 It's fun setting up the studio, though.

02:03:45.000 Way do you guys see it?

02:03:46.000 You're gonna fucking love it.

02:03:48.000 A black bar, a white, because things are black and white with us, right?

02:03:53.000 No gray.

02:03:54.000 A white interview room, and a big white space studio that's like 2001 Space Odyssey.

02:03:58.000 Ryan's got his big own, his big fancy office there.

02:04:02.000 All new equipment.

02:04:05.000 Much to the alt-left chagrin, we are not going bankrupt.

02:04:09.000 And losing Milo, the news, and our social media guy, firing him, because why have a social media guy when you have no social media, has saved us 15 grand a month.

02:04:20.000 So I'm feeling like spending some dough.

02:04:23.000 And anyway, things are exciting.

02:04:25.000 We're at a real sort of new zenith for this site.

02:04:28.000 And I'm glad you guys are on this journey with us because it's going to be fun.

02:04:33.000 And it's also saving Western civilization as we sit around and have some laughs.

02:04:38.000 I like you more than a friend.

02:04:40.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:05:01.000 Carried on reasons on the body.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - June 04, 2021

GOML LIVE #101 - CRASS

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