Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #105 - HAPPY CANADA DAY!

00:01:19.000 We stand on guard.

00:01:34.000 Remember when I said it's not cool to have retards sing the national anthem? 1.00

00:01:38.000 Yeah.

00:01:40.000 I was right.

00:01:43.000 I used to be a much better singer.

00:01:45.000 Back in the New York days, in the early aughts, we used to go out to do karaoke like minimum once a week.

00:01:53.000 And I got better.

00:01:55.000 And even though my wife bought a karaoke machine at the house, and we do it sometimes when we're drunk, sex, I mean, you know, it's gone.

00:02:04.000 Singing's hard.

00:02:06.000 Let's hear you do that.

00:02:08.000 Say, God keep our land.

00:02:12.000 God keep our land and the Canada for free.

00:02:20.000 And the Canada for free.

00:02:22.000 I don't know the word, so I did freak it.

00:02:25.000 What are the words?

00:02:26.000 Keep Canada free and keep showing us all your video drops on your desktop.

00:02:33.000 God, keep our land glorious and free.

00:02:36.000 Oh, Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

00:02:41.000 Okay.

00:02:43.000 One more time.

00:02:45.000 God, keep our blurry glorious and free.

00:02:54.000 God, keep us free, glorious and free.

00:02:56.000 Yeah, God, keep us free.

00:02:57.000 Fucking glorious and free.

00:03:00.000 I didn't state it enough.

00:03:02.000 Like, really, really, really free.

00:03:05.000 God, keep us, like, way freer, fuck.

00:03:08.000 Keep us like crazy free.

00:03:10.000 Have you seen Code?

00:03:11.000 God, keep our land glorious and free.

00:03:14.000 God keep our land glorious.

00:03:19.000 Glorious and free.

00:03:21.000 Glory.

00:03:22.000 God keep our land glorious and free.

00:03:28.000 Yeah, you're better than me.

00:03:29.000 Sweet.

00:03:32.000 Not at anything but singing and playing shitty guitar that rules.

00:03:37.000 Go figure that.

00:03:40.000 What else are you better than me at?

00:03:43.000 Pooping.

00:03:44.000 Or not pooping.

00:03:45.000 Controlling when I pee.

00:03:48.000 So bowel movements.

00:03:50.000 Yeah.

00:03:51.000 You're better at bowel movements.

00:03:52.000 Right.

00:03:54.000 And I'm good at not being good at things.

00:04:00.000 You are good at being a loser, I guess.

00:04:03.000 That's true.

00:04:04.000 So yeah, that's the today is Canada Day.

00:04:08.000 Now, it's kind of hard to determine when Canada became independent.

00:04:15.000 In America, it's crystal clear.

00:04:18.000 1776, in the middle of a war, they said, July 2nd, they said, we're independent.

00:04:26.000 And then, like, look at how long the Obamacare site took, how much it cost.

00:04:31.000 Not in the good old days.

00:04:33.000 Back in the 1700s, they piled together the Declaration of Independence in like three days.

00:04:40.000 July 4th.

00:04:42.000 But with Canada, it was inexorably tied to Britain.

00:04:46.000 We didn't have an American Revolution.

00:04:48.000 We just sort of shooed them.

00:04:52.000 And then there's different dates, right?

00:04:54.000 There's what?

00:04:55.000 There's 1867, you could say, 1931, you could say.

00:04:59.000 I go with 1982 when I was 12.

00:05:04.000 Because that's when they finally said, all right, the queen is not the boss. 0.91

00:05:07.000 And she goes, I kind of am.

00:05:09.000 And they go, you're not.

00:05:10.000 And she goes, I am.

00:05:11.000 And they went, okay, 1%.

00:05:13.000 So even now, it's not, it's only 99% independent of the queen.

00:05:18.000 Queen Elizabeth is the queen of Canada and the Queen of England, but they're separate jobs.

00:05:22.000 How could she ever do anything like say, I object to that law you guys just passed?

00:05:30.000 She can't.

00:05:31.000 So I don't really understand it.

00:05:32.000 It's all very nebulous.

00:05:33.000 It's one of those things where it's like, no one cares enough to ever test it, so it's just a thing.

00:05:39.000 Like say I said, I'm the president of Ryan and Caroline's marriage.

00:05:45.000 There was nothing they could do about that.

00:05:46.000 There's two votes against that.

00:05:48.000 Right.

00:05:49.000 Of course, meanwhile, I'm changing names here to protect the innocent.

00:05:53.000 But if it doesn't mean anything, then yeah, you're king of the world.

00:05:59.000 I'm the boss of the South Bronx.

00:06:02.000 Okay, well, there's a lot of criminals who run the South Bronx.

00:06:04.000 Yeah, I'm not messing with those.

00:06:06.000 Okay, so it's just in your head?

00:06:08.000 Yeah.

00:06:09.000 Okay.

00:06:10.000 Have fun.

00:06:11.000 Fill your boots.

00:06:15.000 Now, there are things you can do.

00:06:18.000 Like, oh, I don't think I included this.

00:06:21.000 Trudeau, yeah, there it is.

00:06:22.000 It's the second.

00:06:23.000 Oh, I forgot to number the links today, my friend.

00:06:25.000 The second link there.

00:06:28.000 Trudeau decided.

00:06:30.000 Is that the second?

00:06:30.000 no, the news week one opening song is the first link?

00:06:34.000 Trudeau decided that in all our sons command is offensive to daughters.

00:06:42.000 So now it's some weird, it's like they them shitty grammar.

00:06:48.000 Uh, Canada passes a bill to make national anthem lyrics gender neutral.

00:06:52.000 So God keep our land glorious and free.

00:06:57.000 Uh, in all thy sons command.

00:07:02.000 That's not so bad.

00:07:03.000 In all of us command?

00:07:05.000 That's not English. 1.00

00:07:06.000 In all of us command.

00:07:08.000 In all of us command.

00:07:11.000 What?

00:07:13.000 Go back to the lyrics.

00:07:14.000 Look up the lyrics for Canada.

00:07:17.000 In all of us command?

00:07:19.000 That makes zero sense.

00:07:22.000 That's like a Joe Biden sentence.

00:07:25.000 In all of us command.

00:07:27.000 Not the thing.

00:07:28.000 I don't want to have any American. 1.00

00:07:31.000 So no, that's a weird one.

00:07:36.000 I've never heard where pines and maples grow.

00:07:40.000 Somebody just.

00:07:41.000 I saw that too when I was looking it up.

00:07:42.000 And I'm like, pines and maples.

00:07:43.000 In school, we had to sing this song every day and do the Lord's Prayer.

00:07:47.000 Thank God.

00:07:48.000 Don't do that anymore.

00:07:53.000 I remember in high school, I was such a rebel that I went, I'm actually not doing this anymore because I'm an atheist and I don't want to sit for the Lord's Prayer.

00:08:02.000 And Canada was PC before PC was big.

00:08:05.000 So this is like 1984.

00:08:07.000 And they go, okay, no problem.

00:08:09.000 And then I sit in a room with these Muslim kids who weren't like normal kids. 1.00

00:08:14.000 Like the guy I started Vice with, Sarouche Alve.

00:08:16.000 He was a normal Muslim.

00:08:17.000 He liked punk and you could talk to him.

00:08:18.000 But these were like Muslims. 1.00

00:08:20.000 So I'm sitting with these kids in headdresses and just waiting for 10 minutes.

00:08:24.000 And I was like, this is gay and boring. 0.95

00:08:25.000 I'm out of here.

00:08:28.000 So that didn't work.

00:08:29.000 So it was originally a French song in the 1800s.

00:08:32.000 And then they made it English.

00:08:34.000 But it didn't become the official Canadian anthem until 82.

00:08:38.000 And when did we get our flag, the maple leaf?

00:08:41.000 Like 69, 70.

00:08:44.000 I'm as old as Canada.

00:08:47.000 True Patriot Love.

00:08:48.000 Yeah.

00:08:48.000 Oh, Canada.

00:08:49.000 I don't know why it's O. I guess that's French. 0.78

00:08:51.000 Our home and native land agreed.

00:08:53.000 True patriot love in all thy sons command.

00:08:57.000 Now, this pisses me off with sexism where they go, sons are offensive.

00:09:03.000 I am such a peace-loving hippie that when I hear sons being praised, I think of the mothers who love them and shaped their lives.

00:09:14.000 Like when you talk about the men who died in the wars, it's not like they came out of a dick.

00:09:20.000 So when you say this is a tribute to all the men who have died fighting for our country, you mean the women around them who helped them.

00:09:28.000 Like we're all a team.

00:09:29.000 When you say God bless America, you mean all the blacks and Jews and gays.

00:09:34.000 You're talking about all of them.

00:09:36.000 You don't just mean the white males.

00:09:39.000 So when you change that, it's insulting to like the sons' mothers.

00:09:44.000 In all thy sons and their mothers who helped shape them and their sisters and their wives and their daughters.

00:09:50.000 We got it.

00:09:51.000 You don't have to stick that in there.

00:09:53.000 But in all of us, command, that's Down syndrome.

00:09:57.000 That's special.

00:10:00.000 Isn't that special?

00:10:02.000 Anyway, gross.

00:10:03.000 Anyway, this is a big day for us, Canucks.

00:10:07.000 The tradition in Ottawa, the capital where I was, where I spent most of my life, we would dress up like imbeciles.

00:10:16.000 Lunatics.

00:10:17.000 Canadian flags on our backs, but other dress up like faggots, whatever. 1.00

00:10:23.000 And then we would party in Ottawa, but we were young, right?

00:10:27.000 You can drink in Ottawa in Quebec at 18.

00:10:32.000 In Ottawa, you have to be 19.

00:10:34.000 So we would walk over the bridge to Hull because we were touching Quebec.

00:10:40.000 And we would go buy booze there, get wasted, and then just carry around booze, I guess?

00:10:46.000 Yeah, because we couldn't go to bars until we were older.

00:10:49.000 And they didn't ID you in Quebec.

00:10:50.000 You could go there when you're fucking 14.

00:10:52.000 And we would drink.

00:10:53.000 There'd be a massive lineup at every beer store.

00:10:57.000 So you'd wait in the line, you'd talk, and it was fun, and you'd hang out.

00:11:00.000 And then in the beer store, as we were, we just get wasted in there, too.

00:11:05.000 Drinking it up.

00:11:06.000 One time, Andrew Geddes, him and Blake Jacobs, the guitarist of my band, they were known as the Pirates of Piss Pants because they would get so wasted, they would pee their pants.

00:11:17.000 They'd also dress up like pirates.

00:11:19.000 But Geddes one year decided he was going for a sailor boy look.

00:11:26.000 So he had on little blue shoes with buckles.

00:11:30.000 He had on a bonnet.

00:11:33.000 And then he had on a like a little hat, a little sailor boy hat.

00:11:37.000 And he had on like a sailor shirt, you know, with the flap on the back, but like little boy blue with like a ribbon, tiny, tiny white short shorts, and the blue navish thing with the little bonnet, little hat.

00:11:50.000 And he looked like beyond fag. 1.00

00:11:54.000 Beyond fag. 1.00

00:11:55.000 Beyond fag. 1.00

00:11:56.000 Like gays would go, what the fuck is that? 1.00

00:11:59.000 At a pride parade, gays would go, what are you doing? 1.00

00:12:02.000 What are you?

00:12:03.000 And it was hilarious in our group with our gang, right?

00:12:06.000 Our multicultural group of lunatic losers. 1.00

00:12:11.000 But then he got separated from the gang.

00:12:14.000 And now he's dressed as little boy blue, but he doesn't want to be.

00:12:18.000 So he like takes the hat off and he pulls the socks down to his ankles and tries to make himself look like a cool little sailor boy.

00:12:27.000 Yeah, watcho a sailor boy with like bunchy ankle socks.

00:12:30.000 So when we finally rediscovered him, we laughed our penises off.

00:12:34.000 Anyway, that's what I remember from Canada Day.

00:12:37.000 It's very hard to say.

00:12:39.000 But before we get to Canada Day, we need to get to Tactical Walls.

00:12:43.000 Oh, we got to get them to build us stuff in this office.

00:12:47.000 I talked to him about that.

00:12:47.000 I forgot to get back to him.

00:12:49.000 Let me write a little note to myself.

00:12:51.000 This episode is brought to you by Tactical Walls.

00:12:53.000 That's tacticalwalls.com.

00:12:55.000 Promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.

00:12:59.000 Yes, they ship to Canada.

00:13:01.000 It is American-made.

00:13:03.000 It's vet-made. 1.00

00:13:04.000 These guys show you how to show off your guns.

00:13:09.000 If you're lucky enough to live in a state or a province where you don't have to hide your guns and have them triple locked down, there you go.

00:13:16.000 Rip them off the wall, just like the Kingsman.

00:13:20.000 You can have a gun room.

00:13:21.000 Dana Lash actually had to move for various reasons, but one time she had to move because she had too many guns. 1.00

00:13:28.000 She had a mod, not a mod wall, she had a mod room.

00:13:33.000 Like you open it up, it's like, I guess she got a lot of free guns.

00:13:38.000 I miss her.

00:13:40.000 She was cool.

00:13:40.000 I never met her in person.

00:13:42.000 I did her show a lot.

00:13:44.000 But she was a wonderful, funny individual, just a very happy person who, of course, is terrorized to the left, by the left as they threaten her children, et cetera, et cetera.

00:13:54.000 But yeah, mod walls, they've got emergency shelves, 100 places to store your gun, safe places to store your gun.

00:14:02.000 But also, if you're not in a gun town, you've got sports walls, all kinds of different walls, all kinds of different mounts, all kinds of different places to put your stuff.

00:14:11.000 You can have a baseball wall.

00:14:12.000 You can have a tool shelf.

00:14:14.000 It's really impressive what they do.

00:14:15.000 And the fact that they do it in America is kind of the future.

00:14:20.000 Here's my plan.

00:14:22.000 We refuse to pay our debts to China.

00:14:24.000 They go to war with us. 0.50

00:14:25.000 We kill them all.

00:14:27.000 And then manufacturing has to happen back in America.

00:14:29.000 Apparently, it works.

00:14:31.000 You can manufacture in America.

00:14:33.000 It's possible.

00:14:35.000 Is that the main guy, Tim, that I talked to?

00:14:38.000 I don't know.

00:14:39.000 I've never seen him before.

00:14:40.000 But I love him.

00:14:41.000 And I thank him for supporting Censored.tv and Free Speech and Get Off My Lawn and sponsoring this episode.

00:14:52.000 I'm wondering if I should be promoting Nita Fashions too.

00:14:55.000 Let's just check my encrypted apps because that's how I talk to people.

00:14:59.000 Did I mention Nita Fashions last week?

00:15:02.000 I don't remember last week.

00:15:03.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:15:04.000 I think so.

00:15:04.000 That was the first and only live show, right?

00:15:08.000 Then I think we did.

00:15:10.000 Here.

00:15:11.000 Oh, here.

00:15:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:13.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:15:14.000 Maybe I'll take it off for a...

00:15:17.000 How many provinces can you name?

00:15:19.000 Oh, my God.

00:15:22.000 Ontario?

00:15:24.000 Yes.

00:15:25.000 Okay.

00:15:26.000 That's got Toronto and Ottawa in it.

00:15:28.000 I just talked about Ottawa.

00:15:29.000 Alberta?

00:15:30.000 Alberta, sure.

00:15:32.000 It's got Edmonton in it.

00:15:34.000 Coldest place in the fucking world.

00:15:36.000 Saskatchewan?

00:15:37.000 Yep.

00:15:40.000 So that's the Midwest, you're sort of doing that.

00:15:42.000 Then there's like, how many are there?

00:15:44.000 Alberta's pretty American. 0.99

00:15:45.000 They got oil there.

00:15:46.000 They used to have tar sands.

00:15:51.000 Like oil that's in sand.

00:15:53.000 But when oil is expensive enough, then it works to filter it out of the sand.

00:15:58.000 But they got a bunch of commie politicians who charged so much tax to the oil companies that the whole thing fell out.

00:16:03.000 And Calgary went from Zurich to Detroit overnight thanks to government interference.

00:16:10.000 You know, I wasn't confident in any of those.

00:16:12.000 I just.

00:16:14.000 Well, you've got seven more.

00:16:16.000 Ten provinces, three territories.

00:16:18.000 Isn't it like Saint something or like a girl name one or French name, like girl name one?

00:16:22.000 Like Saint-Marie.

00:16:23.000 You're thinking of Sault Ste.

00:16:24.000 Marie?

00:16:25.000 Maybe.

00:16:25.000 Yeah, that's a town.

00:16:26.000 That's not a province.

00:16:27.000 The French province is Quebec.

00:16:29.000 Then there's a bunch on the east coast.

00:16:31.000 There's Newfoundland.

00:16:32.000 Newfoundland.

00:16:33.000 Okay.

00:16:34.000 There's Labrador.

00:16:35.000 No, Newfoundland and Labrador are one.

00:16:38.000 There's Nova Scotia.

00:16:39.000 Nova Scotia.

00:16:40.000 Okay, that's a province?

00:16:41.000 Yep.

00:16:42.000 Oh, okay.

00:16:42.000 British Columbia.

00:16:43.000 British Columbia Island.

00:16:45.000 There's a whole bunch of them on the East Coast.

00:16:47.000 North America was built from the East to the West.

00:16:49.000 That's so weird that I knew things I didn't know.

00:16:54.000 That's weird.

00:16:55.000 I thought I was just going to guess and you're going to be like, nope, that's a town or something.

00:16:59.000 That happened once, but let's see, provinces of Canada.

00:17:02.000 Did you folks hear what just happened here on the show?

00:17:05.000 Ryan is impressed with himself for naming provinces.

00:17:08.000 And then he said, you know, I'm so dumb.

00:17:11.000 I was worried that I would say a place and you would go, no, that's a city.

00:17:15.000 Meanwhile, that's exactly what happened.

00:17:18.000 He named Sault Ste.

00:17:19.000 Marie.

00:17:19.000 Yeah, I said it happened once.

00:17:22.000 So you thought something would happen and it happened and you're just blown away?

00:17:26.000 Well, I'm blown away that it happened only once.

00:17:28.000 Look at that.

00:17:28.000 Oh, okay.

00:17:29.000 But look at that.

00:17:30.000 Way to set the barlow.

00:17:31.000 You know, my wife went away for a few days and she goes, how was that?

00:17:34.000 And I go, it went great.

00:17:35.000 I just did a terrible job.

00:17:38.000 So it was not stressful at all.

00:17:39.000 Right.

00:17:40.000 On Tuesday night, I had my oldest boy order dominoes for the family.

00:17:43.000 I wasn't even there.

00:17:45.000 Nice.

00:17:46.000 He ordered like nine things of pizza and chicken for himself, all this stuff.

00:17:50.000 And then he let my daughter have like some scraps. 1.00

00:17:53.000 And I was like, sorry, sucks.

00:17:56.000 Sucks to have dad make the food.

00:18:00.000 I love the name.

00:18:01.000 Go back to that map.

00:18:02.000 They gave the Eskimos, the Inuits, a bunch of land recently.

00:18:06.000 And how much of it is viable?

00:18:08.000 How much can you farm?

00:18:09.000 How much can you use?

00:18:10.000 None of it.

00:18:11.000 It's called none of it.

00:18:14.000 No.

00:18:15.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 Is that a fuck you or what?

00:18:18.000 Wow.

00:18:19.000 Wait a minute.

00:18:19.000 I didn't realize Newfoundland was sitting on top of Quebec.

00:18:23.000 Oh, you know what it is?

00:18:25.000 It's the globe is stretched out.

00:18:29.000 So it actually is kind of east of Quebec, but you're sort of seeing it flattened.

00:18:34.000 But Newfoundland, New Brunswick, think of them as east, not north.

00:18:38.000 That's deceiving that map.

00:18:41.000 But yeah, Yukon, no one's ever heard of.

00:18:42.000 Northwest Territories, nope.

00:18:44.000 None of it is literally none of it.

00:18:46.000 British Columbia, of course, has Vancouver and Victoria.

00:18:51.000 Vancouver Island is beautiful.

00:18:53.000 Sunsets, fishing, it's paradise.

00:18:56.000 Vancouver, unfortunately, could be perfect, but it's become super fucking woke recently.

00:19:02.000 And junkies everywhere.

00:19:06.000 As bad as San Francisco.

00:19:08.000 Now, if you go north, it's pretty nice.

00:19:11.000 It's like Northern California.

00:19:15.000 What do they got up there?

00:19:19.000 I forget the name of it.

00:19:20.000 They save A in British Columbia still.

00:19:24.000 How's it going, eh?

00:19:25.000 Yeah, so we're getting out there, eh?

00:19:27.000 A is like a stereotype.

00:19:28.000 You don't really hear it anymore, but British Columbia Has preserved it.

00:19:31.000 Alberta is the south of America, I mean, of Canada.

00:19:36.000 It's oil, it's cowboys.

00:19:37.000 They literally have a Calgary Stampede there, like they have bull riding and stuff.

00:19:43.000 Saskatchewan, no one ever talks about it.

00:19:46.000 I'm sorry.

00:19:46.000 I don't mean to disrespect them all.

00:19:48.000 Fucking freezing cold.

00:19:50.000 Manitoba, exact same story.

00:19:52.000 If you meet someone from Winnipeg, take your hat off and go like this. 0.96

00:19:56.000 They are winter veterans.

00:19:58.000 And then Ontario just goes on for infinity.

00:20:01.000 If you drive across Canada from Ottawa, three days are that yellow province in Ontario. 0.97

00:20:08.000 Quebec is all frogs, which couldn't be more different.

00:20:13.000 It's even foreign to people from France.

00:20:16.000 So it's a funny country because Quebec could not have less in common with any other province.

00:20:23.000 And then you have all the East Coast guys, Newfoundland, Labrador, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia.

00:20:27.000 Those are just Scottish Canadians. 1.00

00:20:29.000 Drunks, no industry.

00:20:30.000 They used to have cod, but the cod disappeared.

00:20:33.000 So it's very much like Glasgow.

00:20:34.000 All of those East Coast guys are Glasgow.

00:20:37.000 Quebec is some weird archaic France.

00:20:40.000 Ontario is like America Light.

00:20:43.000 Manitoba is a patch of ice.

00:20:47.000 Saskatchewan's a patch of ice.

00:20:49.000 Alberta is Texas.

00:20:50.000 British Columbia is hippie town.

00:20:52.000 It's California.

00:20:53.000 And then none of that northern stuff exists.

00:20:55.000 Ignore it.

00:20:57.000 Pay attention to none of it.

00:21:02.000 And then as far as towns go, there's really just Vancouver, Calgary, not really Regina, not really Winnipeg, Toronto, not Ottawa, Montreal, Quebec City, and maybe Halifax.

00:21:18.000 There's only like five or six cities in Canada of any relevance.

00:21:22.000 We were going to choose this jam, DOA, covering Randy Bachman's Taking Care of Business.

00:21:29.000 I play it every Canada Day, and we're playing it this Canada Day.

00:21:34.000 I kind of hate the term Canada Day.

00:21:41.000 You know, punks have a very strict regimen on what you can wear, and for some reason, this shirt is acceptable.

00:21:48.000 So you'd have like cone spikes, a ripped t-shirt, destroyed bondage pants, 14-hole Dr. Martins, but only in Canada could you wear this shirt that was a punk uniform.

00:22:06.000 Possibly because of DOA.

00:22:08.000 Did you know they invented the word hardcore, like the term?

00:22:11.000 That's hardcore.

00:22:13.000 Not like hardcore porn and all that, but like the baby of punk.

00:22:16.000 Pre-minor threat and black flag and all that.

00:22:34.000 He's got to be on the spectrum that he's been touring in 1980 for 40 years.

00:22:46.000 Pretty much non-stop.

00:22:49.000 Randy Bachman is the coach in this video.

00:22:53.000 Remember Randy Bachman?

00:22:55.000 He quit the guess who.

00:22:56.000 He wrote all their hits with Burton Cummings.

00:22:58.000 These us!

00:23:00.000 American Woman.

00:23:01.000 Pull up American Woman. 1.00

00:23:03.000 That's a jam.

00:23:04.000 First number one hit for a Canadian band.

00:23:06.000 See, when I was a DJ at my school, CKCU at Carleton University in Ottawa, they made us...

00:23:13.000 Everything had to be 60% CanCon, Canadian content.

00:23:16.000 So you would have to pile in a bunch of Canadian shit just to be able to play like the Sex Pistols or something.

00:23:22.000 And it sucked because it was charity.

00:23:25.000 And bands don't need your government charity.

00:23:29.000 The sugar cubes came out of Iceland because they're good, not because the Icelandic government made you listen to them.

00:23:36.000 And I felt it kind of demeaned talented Canadian bands like the guests...

00:23:41.000 Who?

00:23:44.000 Oh yeah, because now it seems like they're just on there as a favor.

00:23:46.000 It's like affirmative action. 0.54

00:23:47.000 It's affirmative right.

00:23:55.000 Holy shit, that's Burton Cummings.

00:23:58.000 Thank God, he grew a mustache.

00:24:01.000 Dude, I saw a guy the other day at a bar because I missed my train.

00:24:06.000 Normal man like me, probably 65 years old, he had this insane skin beard that hung down like this. 1.00

00:24:15.000 Skin beard.

00:24:16.000 Here's his neck, right?

00:24:20.000 It started here and went like this.

00:24:21.000 Oh, so I don't know the mic.

00:24:23.000 It started here and went like this.

00:24:27.000 This is all skin. 0.99

00:24:29.000 I almost ran over and went.

00:24:30.000 I want to look that up.

00:24:31.000 Grill a fucking beard, what are you doing?

00:24:35.000 It's like Big Ed all over again.

00:24:37.000 I can hide your mistakes.

00:24:40.000 This glare from your new light is pretty bad there, guy.

00:24:43.000 Yeah, I'm going to see if it needs that light.

00:24:45.000 Just turn it off.

00:24:46.000 It's annoying.

00:24:46.000 It makes us look unprofessional.

00:24:48.000 What are we scary, Perry?

00:24:54.000 God, your outfit is so annoying.

00:24:59.000 100% better.

00:25:01.000 So Ryan was wearing a suit, and then I came into the studio, and I said, dude, it's Canada Day.

00:25:06.000 Can we just call it Canned Day or something?

00:25:09.000 We're going to change the name here.

00:25:12.000 Canada Day?

00:25:13.000 No.

00:25:13.000 I'm just going to call it Canada.

00:25:15.000 It's the day of Canada.

00:25:16.000 Canada's birthday.

00:25:17.000 Dude, it's Canada's birthday.

00:25:20.000 Wear this shirt.

00:25:21.000 So I gave him a Montremblanc sweatshirt.

00:25:23.000 Vintage.

00:25:25.000 Greatest ski hill on earth.

00:25:27.000 Better than Whistler.

00:25:29.000 Bought by some Japanese dudes who made it awesome.

00:25:31.000 And then a Make Canada Great Again hat.

00:25:32.000 But then he still has on his slacks and his dress shoes.

00:25:36.000 And then he puts on this Rebel Media hat.

00:25:38.000 Like, isn't he just annoying?

00:25:41.000 I'm just wearing shirts.

00:25:44.000 Great comeback.

00:25:46.000 What a cool sweatshirt that is.

00:25:49.000 What is it?

00:25:51.000 I just said.

00:25:56.000 Are you paying attention to that?

00:26:00.000 Yeah, it's a hill.

00:26:02.000 Hey, you guys want to go skiing at a local hill?

00:26:07.000 What?

00:26:08.000 You're thinking of toboggins, my friend.

00:26:10.000 Toboggins are dope. 1.00

00:26:12.000 So, what are you doing?

00:26:13.000 Is there anything that you do, like any activities on Canada Day?

00:26:17.000 Get wasted.

00:26:18.000 That's it, fuck?

00:26:19.000 That's it?

00:26:19.000 Fuck.

00:26:20.000 Have you seen the latest Cody Canuck?

00:26:24.000 He's a fan of the show, and he does stuff.

00:26:27.000 Like this.

00:26:29.000 Oh.

00:26:30.000 That familiar shirt there?

00:26:32.000 I like it.

00:26:34.000 Fuck, I was talking to the wife about, you know, I had some comments about me calling it a chicken burger, that Popeye's fucking chicken burger. 1.00

00:26:42.000 But I'm thinking, okay, the chicken fucking...

00:26:45.000 It's a burger if it's between two fucking buns.

00:26:47.000 It's a sandwich if it's between two pieces of sliced bread.

00:26:51.000 Remember talking about that fucking TikTok guy who breaks down stupid shit in English, that stage George Johnny guy?

00:26:59.000 And I wonder what that guy has to say about that fucking shit.

00:27:03.000 Is it a chicken burger or is it a chicken sandwich?

00:27:05.000 You fucking tell me.

00:27:06.000 Take it easy.

00:27:09.000 Wow, that's a good point.

00:27:11.000 Alright?

00:27:12.000 Because what's a turkey burger?

00:27:13.000 What's a veggie burger?

00:27:15.000 Yeah, it's like a turkey patty sandwich, right?

00:27:17.000 Now the chicken is pretty.

00:27:20.000 It's not like it's a chicken patty.

00:27:23.000 Chicken's all over the place.

00:27:25.000 It's coming out of the sides.

00:27:28.000 It's hot right now in Canada.

00:27:30.000 What is?

00:27:31.000 Certain parts.

00:27:32.000 Oh, the weather?

00:27:33.000 Yeah.

00:27:34.000 I keep forgetting it gets hot up there.

00:27:36.000 It was just a fucking inferno here.

00:27:38.000 Yeah, Montreal has the biggest temperature swing out of any city in the world.

00:27:42.000 It is brick in January.

00:27:45.000 It's so bad in January that at bars we have to make a rule.

00:27:49.000 Guys, no talking about the fucking weather, okay?

00:27:51.000 This is getting tedious.

00:27:52.000 It's a banned subject.

00:27:53.000 I know.

00:27:54.000 It took you 20 minutes to get dressed and then it took you 20 minutes to get undressed.

00:27:58.000 And when you get up from your bar, from your chair, it goes flying backwards because it's got a coat and all that shit on it.

00:28:03.000 I get it.

00:28:04.000 I'm cold too.

00:28:05.000 Let's drop it.

00:28:09.000 And then in the summer, like you have to dress like Jesus Christ on the cross.

00:28:15.000 But with flip-flops on or it'll burn the bottom of your feet.

00:28:21.000 All right.

00:28:22.000 Should we start the show?

00:28:22.000 Well, let's do Johnny Apple CBD and then we'll cut out the scam artists.

00:28:28.000 We've got a lot to do, guys.

00:28:29.000 We have phone calls coming in.

00:28:32.000 Kyle Dunnegan has finally released his Joe Biden sitcom.

00:28:35.000 Sexy.

00:28:36.000 It's July 1st, Canada's birthday.

00:28:40.000 And then we want to talk about this war on churches going on in Canada with the Indians. 1.00

00:28:45.000 They found out about the kids, the mass grave of kids, and they're pissed.

00:28:50.000 Justifiably.

00:28:52.000 I understand both sides.

00:28:53.000 Don't burn churches, but I get why you're mad.

00:28:55.000 It's like the storming of the Capitol.

00:28:57.000 I don't think it was a smart move, but I get it.

00:29:00.000 I'm not saying I would have killed it, but I understand.

00:29:05.000 But before we go and say goodbye to the freeloaders, Johnny Apple CBD.

00:29:10.000 Wow, what a company.

00:29:12.000 Been with us from day one.

00:29:13.000 JohnnyApple.com.

00:29:15.000 Promo code Gavin.

00:29:17.000 20% off all orders.

00:29:18.000 Exact same as Tactical Walls.

00:29:20.000 You've got the tinctures to take the edge off your coffee.

00:29:23.000 You've got the topicals.

00:29:25.000 Ladies, put the CBD topicals on your feet if you're going to wear high heel shoes that night. 1.00

00:29:31.000 And if you're a single woman and you're having trouble getting a man, wear high-heel shoes three, not even days, three nights a week.

00:29:40.000 And you'll find a man.

00:29:41.000 I 100% guarantee it, even if you're a fat pig.

00:29:46.000 The topicals are also great for, you know, sore joints, sore legs.

00:29:50.000 They've got, what's that below the tinctures there?

00:29:52.000 Is that toothpaste?

00:29:53.000 No, that's the topicals.

00:29:54.000 They got the cartridges.

00:29:56.000 Who knew that marijuana is still magic without the illegal stuff?

00:30:00.000 Johnny Apple did.

00:30:02.000 And every time I tune into this site, there's new shit.

00:30:07.000 These guys have been with us since day one, fighting hard, ignoring Antifa and all the lunatics who want to antagonize them, and providing top-of-the-line American-made CBD gummies.

00:30:21.000 The gummies are great to sleep with. 1.00

00:30:22.000 You know how like drunks like me, if we don't have a big drinking night, we're going, I'll never be able to sleep.

00:30:27.000 I got a drink.

00:30:28.000 Well, have some gummies.

00:30:30.000 That'll ease you into sleep town.

00:30:32.000 I know it's hard to sleep when you quit boozing at the end of a bender. 1.00

00:30:35.000 The gummies will solve that.

00:30:38.000 Johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.

00:30:44.000 All right.

00:30:46.000 Let's fucking get into this, eh?

00:30:48.000 So I guess now we have the goodbye to the other people, the people that are getting the free podcast.

00:30:55.000 We have another hour and a half.

00:30:56.000 We're going to be taking calls.

00:30:57.000 You should subscribe to censored.tv.

00:31:00.000 It's a beer and a half a month, depending on where you live.

00:31:03.000 In Manhattan, it's a beer a month.

00:31:06.000 And this show, which is now five days a week, including Anthony Cumia, we got Roger Stone coming up, Laura Loomer, we've got Candace Owens, we've got Cornell West, we've got Milo Yiannopoulos,

00:31:22.000 we've got Jim Goad, we've got fucking, I already said Anthony Kumia, right?

00:31:28.000 Josh.

00:31:30.000 Yeah, I'm not saying Josh.

00:31:30.000 No one's heard of him, dick shit.

00:31:33.000 Michael Graves of the Misfits, Sof.

00:31:37.000 Of course, Atheism is Unstoppable, who often surpasses me in hits. 0.99

00:31:43.000 Lotus, Katie Hopkins, Jacob Wall.

00:31:46.000 God, they wanted it to fail so bad.

00:31:48.000 Copper Cab.

00:31:50.000 Remember when Milo started that rumor we were going under?

00:31:54.000 Only time you've ever seen censored.tv in the news.

00:31:57.000 Newsweek does a big thing.

00:31:59.000 Fucking Jared Holt is excited.

00:32:04.000 He's already bragging with a little tiny violin.

00:32:07.000 Fucking loser.

00:32:08.000 No, I'm not fired, Jared.

00:32:10.000 You are.

00:32:11.000 Now, of course, you're a fellow at the Atlantic Institute for Hate and Research Opposition at the lab in D.C. or whatever the fuck they call it.

00:32:21.000 Anyway, funny stuff.

00:32:23.000 We're about to get into it deep, and you're missing out on it because you're a cheapskate.

00:32:29.000 But in the Interim, I would like you to take your cheapness and get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

00:33:25.000 We should play out for a rip.

00:33:26.000 Fuck.

00:33:27.000 I love that song, dude.

00:33:30.000 That really sums it up.

00:33:31.000 It's up to 17 million views.

00:33:33.000 The population of Canada is about 31 million.

00:33:38.000 As a Canadian kid, we always go, America has so much better stuff than us.

00:33:42.000 Yeah, they're 10 times the size.

00:33:45.000 They're going to have 10 times the stuff.

00:33:49.000 3,300.

00:33:55.000 Who came with two?

00:33:56.000 Before we learn to walk, we can cross-check properly.

00:34:04.000 He doesn't have the right plaid coat.

00:34:08.000 Lumberjack jacket, we used to call them.

00:34:13.000 Music thing I love about this song, too, is they explain that we're polite and we don't like to fight and we're non-confrontational, but we'll happily fight at the drop of a hat.

00:34:22.000 Probably because of hockey.

00:34:23.000 Dude, that's like me with the JL fight.

00:34:26.000 And I was Canadian for that.

00:34:28.000 Oh, yeah, had a Canadian accent.

00:34:29.000 Yeah, you sub-Zoomed. 1.00

00:34:36.000 Oh, it looks like you're in the video.

00:34:39.000 This makes me jealous of being Canadian.

00:34:41.000 Smoking a dart.

00:34:44.000 You know who's a really fun hoser to hang out with is Faith Goldie. 1.00

00:34:49.000 She's known as the worst, most evil white supremacist alive. 1.00

00:34:53.000 But she's such a fucking hoser. 1.00

00:34:57.000 When we were in Israel, we're in Bethlehem where Jesus is born.

00:35:01.000 And it's all called to prayer, Muslims everywhere.

00:35:03.000 There's an iron fence keeping out the Arabs, but it's like, it's gone. 1.00

00:35:10.000 And she was like, God, it hurts me to see this place taken over by Muslims. 1.00

00:35:16.000 There we go.

00:35:16.000 Hold on.

00:35:17.000 Let me hear that.

00:35:21.000 Fucking night.

00:35:22.000 Like, yeah, we got matters, but fucking buddies still fight and fucking swear and fucking drink all night. 0.69

00:35:28.000 Like this one time.

00:35:29.000 Me and fucking buddy are out out in the dart and fucking buddy burns a hole in my coat. 0.92

00:35:34.000 And I was like, fuck buddy.

00:35:35.000 Because the coat was pretty new, right?

00:35:37.000 And he's like, fuck you.

00:35:38.000 So I put his head in the snowbank and just started fucking feeding him.

00:35:42.000 The rate left like fucking boom, boom, boom.

00:35:46.000 And he's like, okay, okay, fuck.

00:35:48.000 Chill out.

00:35:48.000 Shit.

00:35:48.000 So I pulled him out of the snow and we went out for a rip.

00:35:51.000 Yeah.

00:35:54.000 I pulled him out of the snow and we went out for a rip.

00:35:58.000 Out for a rip, of course, meaning just going out for a drive, having some fun, maybe token, maybe having a dart.

00:36:06.000 So we're in Bethlehem and she's like, I'd love to come down here and just fucking repopulate this place. 1.00

00:36:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:36:13.000 Just like get married, have like five kids here in Bethlehem and just start spreading those gates out, pushing back that call to prayer until, you know, the whole Bethlehem was Christian again, not fucking Muslim, fuck. 0.99

00:36:25.000 And I was like, that would be so awesome, especially if outside of the church, the place where Jesus was born, the manger and everything is there.

00:36:33.000 It's actually a cave.

00:36:34.000 And it's just a fucking giant statue of Faith Goldie with a fucking dart in her mouth, curlers in her hair. 0.98

00:36:41.000 She's got a fucking boom box and a 2-4. 1.00

00:36:44.000 And there's her husband, like maybe sitting down on the 2-4 with this jacket on.

00:36:49.000 He's got a dart too, fuck.

00:36:52.000 And it was just like, Faith Goldie out for a rip, saving the birthplace of Jesus Christ.

00:37:01.000 She's fucking qualityisty. 1.00

00:37:03.000 One time, she was at a restaurant in Toronto with a friend of mine, and someone sees her, and they go, um, that's a, that's, that's a Nazi.

00:37:17.000 And she's like, what the fuck is?

00:37:19.000 And the person starts screaming, Nazi, that's a Nazi, that's a Nazi.

00:37:23.000 And she's like, hi.

00:37:24.000 And so the staff, instead of going, will you calm down?

00:37:27.000 They start going, really?

00:37:28.000 They start freaking out.

00:37:30.000 A woman overhears this and starts, she doesn't know who Faith is.

00:37:35.000 She drops to her back.

00:37:37.000 She falls on her back, holding her heart, going, oh my God, there's a racist in here.

00:37:42.000 And she's writhing around on the ground of the restaurant. 1.00

00:37:50.000 And you know what's crazy?

00:37:52.000 I bet if there was a pedophile in the restaurant, you wouldn't have had that kind of reaction.

00:37:57.000 It would have been like, oh, I don't want to bother them.

00:38:00.000 But there's a pedophile here.

00:38:02.000 Well, let them be.

00:38:04.000 They're just raping kids. 1.00

00:38:06.000 It's not like they're racist or anything.

00:38:08.000 Jesus Christ, Mister, you okay in there?

00:38:14.000 Doesn't even need context, fuck.

00:38:18.000 Out for a ripper, you bud?

00:38:21.000 Just out for a rip?

00:38:22.000 Remember, we were in DC and we couldn't stop doing that either.

00:38:25.000 It was you, me, and the guy from Postmillennial, and also Alex, who congratulations just got married this past weekend.

00:38:31.000 Who's that?

00:38:32.000 And we couldn't.

00:38:33.000 Alex, he was the one in the...

00:38:34.000 We were driving all over the place in DC from that one after-the-aft pack party place.

00:38:40.000 We were all just Canadian for the whole day.

00:38:43.000 Remember that?

00:38:44.000 Yeah.

00:38:45.000 Yeah.

00:38:45.000 It was like the whole day.

00:38:47.000 It's pretty memorable.

00:38:48.000 But that one guy was.

00:38:49.000 No, doing a guy when you're up partying on vacation is not memorable.

00:38:56.000 I've been retarded for hours. 0.91

00:38:59.000 Well, the thing is, The guy you were being, you've actually been before, so it's not really like a detachment.

00:39:04.000 Yeah, it's sort of like someone who grew up Jamaican but was born in America but had Jamaican parents and they started talking Jamaican.

00:39:10.000 Yeah, I was listening to Wyclef Jean on Stern on the way here, and he's doing a Jamaican accent when he sings.

00:39:18.000 And this sort of goes back to what I'm saying about how you're not white, you're not black, you're just American for the most part.

00:39:28.000 And what the fuck has Wyclef John got to do with Jamaica?

00:39:32.000 He's Haitian.

00:39:33.000 Haiti's French.

00:39:34.000 He's got a totally different background.

00:39:35.000 There's nothing remotely Jamaican about it.

00:39:37.000 Maybe the weather because it's nearby.

00:39:39.000 But what's the difference between Wyclef doing a Jamaican accent when he sings and me?

00:39:44.000 Same thing.

00:39:45.000 Oh, but he's black and racists hate him as much as they hate Jamaicans.

00:39:49.000 Yeah, but racism isn't a thing.

00:39:51.000 So you don't get that.

00:39:54.000 Stupid dink. 1.00

00:39:56.000 I have an unturned stone here about darts and fighting and Canadian-ness.

00:40:02.000 It's bothering me, fuck.

00:40:04.000 Oh, eh?

00:40:05.000 I shouldn't have told you that.

00:40:06.000 That's not good TV.

00:40:08.000 I remember one time Pete Zabo was part of our crew and there was some guy with a baby in his backpack.

00:40:18.000 You know, the little baby thing?

00:40:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:20.000 The baby's head is here.

00:40:22.000 Or maybe here.

00:40:24.000 No, maybe his high is here.

00:40:26.000 And Pete's waisted, and he's like, hey, man, you got a cigarette?

00:40:31.000 And the guy's like, no, I don't.

00:40:32.000 And he goes, yes, you do, dude.

00:40:34.000 I know you do.

00:40:35.000 Look at this guy with his fucking baby.

00:40:38.000 And he goes up to the dude and hugs him.

00:40:41.000 He's like, this guy's crazy.

00:40:43.000 He was like Chris Farley.

00:40:45.000 Yeah.

00:40:46.000 Little fat man in the little suit.

00:40:48.000 And he tackled the guy, and the guy fell backwards.

00:40:53.000 The baby came out of the backpack.

00:40:58.000 Now, no one was hurt in the making of this story.

00:41:00.000 Baby hit the grass. 0.99

00:41:02.000 But seeing a man with a baby get tackled by our giant friend Peter, holy fuck was I laughing.

00:41:11.000 You don't laugh.

00:41:12.000 I don't laugh like that anymore.

00:41:14.000 There's certain laughs you get when you're 18, 17, 16.

00:41:18.000 We used to have this thing called burning, where you burn a dude.

00:41:22.000 And what you do is you hide somewhere where you wouldn't expect him to see you.

00:41:28.000 And then he catches your face.

00:41:31.000 So you'd be like this, sometimes for an hour.

00:41:34.000 It was like hunting.

00:41:35.000 Oh, I get you.

00:41:44.000 You could do it by the side of a wall, too.

00:41:47.000 Just like.

00:42:13.000 Yep.

00:42:15.000 And if you did that to me today, like if Ryan did that, I'd go, what are you doing over there?

00:42:21.000 It wouldn't work.

00:42:22.000 But at 16, it was like someone shot you in the kneecaps and you just go and just laugh for a hundred years.

00:42:30.000 I remember laughing as a kid.

00:42:32.000 I remember what I was going to talk about.

00:42:34.000 I remember laughing as a kid, like 16, 17, and trying to physically grab air and put it into my mouth because I'm dying.

00:42:44.000 Does that work?

00:42:46.000 No.

00:42:47.000 No, it does not.

00:42:48.000 So if you see someone drowning on the beach, don't go up to them and start going.

00:42:52.000 You don't even have to go up to them.

00:42:54.000 You can pitch it.

00:42:54.000 Just throw it.

00:42:56.000 You need some air?

00:42:56.000 I got a ton.

00:42:58.000 Here you go.

00:42:59.000 You got it?

00:43:00.000 I can't hear you.

00:43:02.000 It's helping, I think.

00:43:04.000 But I was going to mention, yeah, that was it.

00:43:06.000 How we got wasted back then is we didn't really have pot in America.

00:43:10.000 I mean, sorry, in Canada.

00:43:12.000 Some did.

00:43:12.000 My parents had it, but pot was so shitty back then.

00:43:15.000 This might have been true of America, too, in certain areas.

00:43:20.000 I'm talking about the early 80s, mid-80s.

00:43:23.000 I mean, I remember my parents would have like a garbage bag of pot, and then it would be gone in like a couple months.

00:43:30.000 And there'd be stems and seeds.

00:43:33.000 And I was like, that's for old people. 1.00

00:43:35.000 We want to get to work.

00:43:36.000 So we would do hash.

00:43:38.000 Hell yeah.

00:43:39.000 And the way you did hash was, it was so complicated.

00:43:43.000 And I don't know anyone else who did this but Ontarians.

00:43:46.000 So you get a pop bottle this big.

00:43:48.000 Ontarians.

00:43:49.000 You get a rock that's about this big.

00:43:53.000 And you put it in the bottle.

00:43:56.000 And then you go like this and you go king, king, king, kh, until the bottle, until the rock emerges out of a hole that you just made.

00:44:07.000 Now sometimes the entire bottle shatters and you got to start again.

00:44:10.000 But sometimes you get a hole about that big, which is ideal.

00:44:15.000 Then you take the, you have boogers of hash on a cigarette pack or something.

00:44:20.000 You have a cigarette.

00:44:21.000 Light that up.

00:44:22.000 I didn't smoke ever.

00:44:24.000 But I would get the heater going, right?

00:44:28.000 So now we got the heater.

00:44:30.000 You go onto the boogers, scoop one up.

00:44:33.000 Now you take your bottle with the hole in it.

00:44:36.000 You plug the top.

00:44:37.000 You put the heater with the cigarette in there.

00:44:40.000 And then you look at it.

00:44:41.000 And you can tell it's not cigarette smoke because it's white.

00:44:44.000 And the hash is burning on the heater.

00:44:46.000 The white smoke fills it up.

00:44:49.000 And then someone has to grab your cigarette.

00:44:50.000 Get this out of here.

00:44:52.000 And now you have a giant bottle of white smoke that looks like wizard juice.

00:44:58.000 And then you go, now I was never able to, they used to call me the raunch king.

00:45:04.000 And it would sometimes embarrass my friends if we were with new people because I would cough for one hour every single time.

00:45:10.000 But you go, here we go, ready for a cough fit.

00:45:12.000 And then, right?

00:45:15.000 You release the hole and you suck in all that white smoke and then and then you're fucking baked. 0.99

00:45:22.000 You might be able to do two or three.

00:45:24.000 They're called bottle toques.

00:45:26.000 Two or three a night.

00:45:28.000 But not really.

00:45:30.000 And then if you do four, you might be puking.

00:45:34.000 And those were the days.

00:45:36.000 Fuck.

00:45:38.000 I remember coughing on that weed, too.

00:45:40.000 Have you ever heard of a bottle toque?

00:45:42.000 Did you ever do hash as a kid?

00:45:44.000 I did a little hash out of a, you know, there was a bowl that had smoke.

00:45:48.000 Somebody smoked hash out of this bowl, so I just smoked that.

00:45:51.000 You're blurry.

00:45:52.000 But never just actual hash.

00:45:55.000 So you got to show it your eyes?

00:45:58.000 Your stupid eyes?

00:45:59.000 You don't really have eyes.

00:46:00.000 You're Asian. 0.99

00:46:01.000 Well, if I'm here, is this.

00:46:03.000 Oh, that's...

00:46:03.000 Oh.

00:46:04.000 Oh.

00:46:05.000 Okay.

00:46:06.000 Your stupid sign is focused.

00:46:08.000 There we go.

00:46:09.000 Now that's like too focused.

00:46:11.000 Sometimes Asians look like women dressed as men for Halloween. 1.00

00:46:14.000 This kind of does, yeah.

00:46:15.000 And this looks like a testosterone.

00:46:17.000 Well, what that is is you put, she put Vaseline on her top lip and then broke open a tea bag and put that on. 1.00

00:46:24.000 I did that once to my boy when he was like four, my eldest boy, and he was going to be a hobo for Halloween.

00:46:29.000 And I'm driving to the party and he's, I put Vaseline all over his face and then broke tea bags and put there was mint tea.

00:46:36.000 And I looked in the rearview mirror and his face is fucking beet red and swelling up.

00:46:42.000 Oh, jeez.

00:46:43.000 Like he's getting a skin beard.

00:46:44.000 Maybe that's how the skin beard guy became.

00:46:46.000 So I was like, screeching in the gravel.

00:46:50.000 I run out.

00:46:50.000 I'm getting it off his face.

00:46:51.000 Jesus.

00:46:52.000 I can't find anything about skin tag beard.

00:46:55.000 Like I look face.

00:46:56.000 Skin tag?

00:46:57.000 Yeah, they're not skin tags?

00:46:59.000 What?

00:47:00.000 You know, like the hanging little skin. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Yeah, a skin tag is like the size of a grain of hash. 0.99

00:47:06.000 That's like this.

00:47:08.000 This is a skin tag.

00:47:09.000 It's like a mole.

00:47:10.000 So what would you call that disease?

00:47:12.000 Skin beard?

00:47:13.000 Like hanging skin beard.

00:47:14.000 But it was weird too, because it wasn't like his whole body.

00:47:18.000 Oh, maybe he was a fat pig who lost like 300 pounds. 0.75

00:47:21.000 Oh.

00:47:22.000 But his arms didn't have like long hanging pterodactyl wings.

00:47:26.000 It was just that.

00:47:28.000 And I'm sure a surgeon could have just like cut it.

00:47:30.000 And I understand you don't want to get plastic surgery if you're 65.

00:47:33.000 You're probably not even married.

00:47:34.000 But grow a motherfucking beard.

00:47:37.000 I'll grow it for you.

00:47:39.000 Loan me your face.

00:47:40.000 I'll grow you a beard and then give it back to you.

00:47:43.000 I'll farm you a beard.

00:47:45.000 It was his only flaw.

00:47:46.000 He was a relatively normal looking dude besides that circus freak thing.

00:47:49.000 It goes back to the fucking people with the fucked up eye who don't wear an eye patch.

00:47:55.000 What are you doing?

00:47:57.000 This guy's got a tree for a hand.

00:47:59.000 Yeah, I'm familiar with that.

00:48:01.000 Not really on topic.

00:48:03.000 All right, let's do the one news item.

00:48:06.000 So it was recently discovered there was a mass grave in, I think, Edmonton, Alberta.

00:48:12.000 It was from, I don't know, like 1880.

00:48:16.000 Horrific.

00:48:17.000 I love what Buchanan says in Death of the West.

00:48:20.000 As fair-minded and mostly Christian folks, they concede that there is truth in the indictment of America's past and Canada's, obviously.

00:48:28.000 Our fathers did participate in slavery.

00:48:31.000 We did practice segregation.

00:48:34.000 Our treatment of the Indians was not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command. 0.99

00:48:44.000 I love that sentence.

00:48:47.000 Our treatment of the Indians was not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command. 0.99

00:48:52.000 And I don't like the word whom, but in this context, it's beautiful.

00:48:56.000 And then he goes off, but having internalized the guilt that gnaws at their souls, these Republicans in their lifelong quest for absolution are easy prey for confidence men like Jackson and Sharpton who run the big sting.

00:49:06.000 The truth in the story of slavery in the slave trade, Western man was among many villains, but Western man was also the only hero.

00:49:12.000 For the West did not invent slavery, but it alone abolished slavery.

00:49:16.000 Had it not been for the West, African rulers would still be trafficking in the flesh of their kinsmen, blah, blah, blah. 0.99

00:49:20.000 He doesn't get into the Indian thing.

00:49:23.000 And the Indian thing was, yes, we played dirty pool. 1.00

00:49:27.000 But it was a war, a 400-year war.

00:49:30.000 And the Indians were our most worthy adversaries, I'd say in history. 1.00

00:49:35.000 Like, how long was the Crusades?

00:49:37.000 It wasn't 400 years.

00:49:40.000 How long was the Crusades?

00:49:42.000 Ew, I hated the way I said that.

00:49:44.000 How long were the Crusades?

00:49:45.000 How long were the Crusades?

00:49:47.000 Did they drink croissants?

00:49:48.000 Did they eat croissants?

00:49:49.000 Did they drink croissants?

00:49:54.000 So I don't like it when you trivialize it to the point where they came to North America and just stole all the Indian land.

00:50:00.000 That makes the Indians sound like pussies. 1.00

00:50:03.000 So 200 years.

00:50:04.000 300 years, maybe.

00:50:06.000 No, 1,100 to 1,300.

00:50:08.000 Yeah, 200 years.

00:50:10.000 Half the Indian Wars. 0.82

00:50:12.000 And everyone talks about the Crusades like it was a global revolution.

00:50:17.000 I think we should be giving, and we do give respect to the Indians.

00:50:21.000 That's why we call it the Jeep Cherokee, because we're impressed.

00:50:24.000 That's why tonight the Mets were slaughtered by the braves. 0.99

00:50:28.000 No one calls a team a name that they don't respect.

00:50:32.000 No one wants to be called the Philadelphia Faggots.

00:50:36.000 It's not interesting.

00:50:38.000 It's not inspiring.

00:50:39.000 Anyway, so yes, there was a recent mass grave.

00:50:43.000 We separated Indians from their families. 1.00

00:50:45.000 Horrific stuff in these wars.

00:50:47.000 We were not, it's not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.

00:50:53.000 So Indians now in Canada are just burning down churches. 0.98

00:50:59.000 And Trudeau is totally silent.

00:51:01.000 He doesn't want to be the bad guy.

00:51:04.000 Go to Indian War on Churches. 1.00

00:51:06.000 I don't know why I delete.

00:51:08.000 This is going all over Canada, especially Alberta.

00:51:12.000 Because I think the mass grave was found in Edmonton.

00:51:19.000 My wife is obviously on the Indian side with all these things. 0.97

00:51:21.000 But when we first heard about it last week, I was like, I wanted to know when it happened.

00:51:27.000 Because if the mass grave was obviously from like 1970, that's much more serious than 200 years ago.

00:51:35.000 And I go, God, I'm reading all these articles and I'm looking for a date.

00:51:38.000 I can't find a date.

00:51:40.000 And she goes, what are you on, Grinder?

00:51:45.000 She hurt me that day.

00:51:46.000 That's pretty good.

00:51:48.000 So Trudeau's on the Indian side.

00:51:50.000 Go to the National Post.

00:51:51.000 This is the link you showed earlier.

00:51:54.000 Just out for a rip, are you, bud?

00:51:57.000 Just out for a rip?

00:52:00.000 That doesn't look right.

00:52:02.000 No, it's not.

00:52:03.000 What's an East Tower?

00:52:06.000 Peace Tower flag to remain at half staff on Canada Day in remembrance.

00:52:11.000 Prime Minister has been facing mounting pressure from communities across Canada to call off Canada Day festivities since the so we cancel Canada Day because we found a mass grave.

00:52:22.000 Does that sound normal to you?

00:52:26.000 What if you found a mass Irish grave where, as we discovered recently in America, a bunch of Irish children who had died in a mine were discovered.

00:52:35.000 We did, wait a minute.

00:52:36.000 We did discover a mass grave of children, Irish children in America. 0.99

00:52:41.000 Remember that?

00:52:43.000 Recently?

00:52:43.000 Was that recently?

00:52:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:45.000 They had farmed out to like Ohio or Idaho or something, and they were worked to death.

00:52:51.000 And there was a lot of Irish people.

00:52:54.000 Just look up Irish Mass Grave Discovered, America.

00:52:59.000 But there was a ton of children.

00:53:01.000 Can you imagine America canceling July 4th because we found that grave?

00:53:06.000 Wow.

00:53:07.000 Can you imagine if the cases were reversed?

00:53:10.000 This one's pretty bad, too.

00:53:11.000 Well, no, this one's in Ireland, so not the U.S., but there's a lot of these being found.

00:53:17.000 Yes.

00:53:18.000 It's called Irish Genocide.

00:53:20.000 800 children.

00:53:22.000 That's unfathomable.

00:53:24.000 The other problem is people don't understand that the past sucked.

00:53:29.000 Like the Queen of England in 1850 shat in a freezing cold bedpan that was under her bed with shit and piss sloshing around. 1.00

00:53:40.000 Her life sucked compared to yours today.

00:53:42.000 The Queen of England in 1850, her life was 100 times worse than some ghetto black kid on welfare in Detroit. 1.00

00:54:00.000 Residential school.

00:54:02.000 British Columbia.

00:54:03.000 No, it's in America.

00:54:04.000 Canada's dominating these guys.

00:54:06.000 Right.

00:54:07.000 I'll look a little farther behind here.

00:54:11.000 So I'm of two minds about it.

00:54:13.000 I understand them getting pissed and wanting to burn some churches as a fuck you.

00:54:18.000 Totally get it.

00:54:20.000 But I also don't think you should burn churches.

00:54:22.000 Totally get that you stormed the Capitol.

00:54:24.000 But I told you not to go there.

00:54:25.000 It was trapped.

00:54:26.000 The other thing about that, sorry, back to the Vanity Affair article is the whole premise is that my evil words led to January 6th.

00:54:36.000 And then the poll quote is me saying, January 6th was a bunch of imbeciles.

00:54:40.000 What are they doing?

00:54:42.000 I get it while you're doing it, but it's just not, they're not sophisticated, let's face it.

00:54:50.000 All right, let's jump ahead there.

00:54:51.000 Just take my word for it that there was an Irish grave of dead children found in Ohio, Idaho recently, and no one gave a shit.

00:55:01.000 Look at the first racism quote, by the way.

00:55:03.000 Speaking of the races were reversed. 0.75

00:55:07.000 Rams Paul.

00:55:09.000 It's under final video bag.

00:55:11.000 So let's say Chauvin was wrong, evil.

00:55:15.000 Restrained subject, suspect who died while in custody, cause of death not confirmed, sentenced 22 years, 22 and a half years.

00:55:22.000 Then this affirmative action hire, wasn't he like Somalian or something?

00:55:28.000 A woman calls 911.

00:55:30.000 He gets there.

00:55:31.000 He gets totally sketched out and freaks the fuck out and just shoots her dead because he has no idea what he's doing.

00:55:39.000 Murders her.

00:55:41.000 12 years.

00:55:42.000 Basically half the sentence.

00:55:46.000 What?

00:55:46.000 Why is that?

00:55:48.000 Can you imagine if the races were reversed?

00:55:52.000 Hockey Night in Canada theme.

00:55:55.000 Hate speech is a crime in Canada, just to be clear.

00:56:01.000 Go pull that up.

00:56:02.000 That's before that link.

00:56:06.000 $16,000 fine.

00:56:10.000 And again, in the Vanity Fair article, one of the criticisms he gives of me is that I think free speech includes hate speech.

00:56:17.000 Yes, it legally does.

00:56:22.000 It's just a fact of law.

00:56:26.000 They also have a, I think misgendering is a crime in Canada.

00:56:30.000 See, this, I love Canada.

00:56:32.000 The thing I like about Canada is you're talking to a hoser who looks like me, and you're like, New Zealand is, there was a shooting in New Zealand at Christchurch, and you're talking to a guy who's always been there.

00:56:45.000 They're like, yeah, well, that area is fucking pretty redneck, eh? 0.99

00:56:49.000 Like, I noticed there when we went there from Melbourne, it was like, you didn't, wouldn't think it's a different country, but like, Australia's a lot more fucking laid back, and New Zealand's kind of like almost Amish.

00:57:00.000 I don't know anything about New Zealand or Australia, so I'm just guessing.

00:57:03.000 Or you talk about the story I just told with faith, and like, oh, yeah, I was over there for the call to prayer.

00:57:08.000 I was kind of freaked out, too.

00:57:10.000 Can you believe fucking Jesus was born like in a rock hole?

00:57:14.000 I thought it was a fucking manger, eh?

00:57:16.000 But like, you go there, and it's just like a rock.

00:57:20.000 Well, they stored the animals there because it was, you know, temperate.

00:57:24.000 Yeah, I know.

00:57:25.000 I know why they used caves back then and tunnels and shit.

00:57:29.000 But, you know, you look at the nativity scene and you think he was by a nice little wood shed.

00:57:34.000 He was down there in the catacombs, in the tombs, fuck.

00:57:39.000 So they're like rednecks who have traveled the world and are really well educated, which is kind of the perfect human being, right? 0.95

00:57:49.000 The woman.

00:57:51.000 The problem with the women is in Toronto at least, they got catapulted into this city where they were like a small little town in upstate New York, and then boom, overnight, they became New York City because separatism pushed all the English out of Quebec and they all went to Toronto, 0.74

00:58:08.000 which wasn't a big town in the 60s.

00:58:10.000 And then boom, 70s, 80s, it became this metropolis.

00:58:14.000 So the men just regressed and became this.

00:58:16.000 And we're like, fuck, and I'm just going hoser redneck, fuck.

00:58:20.000 And the women were like, no, I'm a lady. 1.00

00:58:22.000 And they got the Princess Leia buns and tiny knapsacks and platform shoes.

00:58:26.000 And like, what are you doing?

00:58:27.000 Stop trying to be Miss Fancy City Lady.

00:58:31.000 You look ridiculous.

00:58:33.000 Sex in the city, whore in the city. 1.00

00:58:38.000 yeah, the women of Toronto are fucking hard to deal with. 1.00

00:58:41.000 I wouldn't, I don't envy anyone trying to date in Toronto right now.

00:58:45.000 That's where in my book, Circles and Strokes, that was in Toronto.

00:58:48.000 And I never say Toronto.

00:58:50.000 You gotta pronounce it right, Toronto.

00:58:54.000 Um, all right, we're drifting out.

00:58:57.000 Let's have a little sneak peek at Kyle Donegan's Joe Biden, fucking uh wait, what's going on?

00:59:03.000 Fucking hey, right.

00:59:04.000 Fucking right.

00:59:06.000 Let's check out fucking Kyle Dunny's.

00:59:08.000 He's been cock teasing us with this fucking video now for how long, eh?

00:59:14.000 Like two weeks, fuck.

00:59:17.000 These things are very, very warm.

00:59:19.000 I'm boiling alive.

00:59:21.000 There we go.

00:59:23.000 Six hours ago, fuck.

00:59:24.000 Fresh Prez of Bel Air of DC.

00:59:28.000 Comedians can't make fun of Joe Biden.

00:59:31.000 Because it's impossible.

00:59:33.000 Because he's been great.

00:59:35.000 I know a bunch of fat people are disappointed.

00:59:38.000 Because trying to make fun of Joe Biden is like praying to God.

00:59:42.000 A complete waste of time.

00:59:45.000 Okay, that's our show.

00:59:47.000 I want to thank my guests, Benjamin Netanyahu and Pete Davidson.

00:59:52.000 Who's this Joe Island everyone keeps talking about?

00:59:58.000 I ruined the joke there.

00:59:59.000 Well, I was born and raised.

01:00:02.000 Who's this Joe Byland everyone keeps talking about?

01:00:05.000 Joe Violent.

01:00:10.000 Well, I was born and raised in Scranton, PA, lifeguard by the pools where I spent my days.

01:00:15.000 Till a dude damn corn pop, who wasn't that cool?

01:00:18.000 Started making trouble at the swimming pool.

01:00:20.000 So I took a chain, wrapped it around my legs.

01:00:23.000 Bigger hair than my other legs.

01:00:27.000 Black kids would touch them. 1.00

01:00:29.000 Come on, man.

01:00:30.000 Then I got on a train and moved to DC.

01:00:33.000 Jericho Brava gave a job to me.

01:00:35.000 I shuffled around and sucked fingertips.

01:00:38.000 Made a big speech, get the boy on the lips.

01:00:41.000 What are you looking at?

01:00:42.000 The boy on the lips.

01:00:43.000 I wrote the damn bill.

01:00:45.000 I hold the ladies tight and stiff all their hairs. 1.00

01:00:48.000 First person American to fall up the stairs.

01:00:52.000 I was a winner.

01:00:53.000 Winner was me.

01:00:54.000 Now I sit at my desk as a preservi.

01:00:57.000 Not preprendi.

01:00:58.000 You know the thing.

01:01:00.000 Come on.

01:01:00.000 Get your face out of your ears.

01:01:04.000 Hey, Bennifer.

01:01:06.000 Benniford, get in here.

01:01:08.000 You hollered.

01:01:09.000 Holy shit.

01:01:11.000 Where are my clothes?

01:01:13.000 Sir, I just washed your clothes.

01:01:14.000 I can't physically keep them on your body.

01:01:17.000 No, no.

01:01:18.000 We've got a ghost in the White House.

01:01:20.000 I've heard a clear mastermind of emergency.

01:01:22.000 How about I just find you some new clothes?

01:01:25.000 You're a good friend, Benniford.

01:01:27.000 Come here, I need to tell you something.

01:01:29.000 I'm good here, sir.

01:01:30.000 Come sit on my lap.

01:01:32.000 I'd rather not.

01:01:33.000 Sit on my lap!

01:01:38.000 There you are.

01:01:40.000 There's my little buddy.

01:01:42.000 All is well.

01:01:43.000 You're safe now.

01:01:44.000 I am very uncomfortable and quite sure this violates several labor laws.

01:01:49.000 Whoa, whoa, easy, fella.

01:01:51.000 Easy.

01:01:51.000 Close ghosts can't get you now.

01:01:53.000 Frankly, I'm more concerned about your clothes ghosts.

01:01:56.000 I'm going to tell you something, but you've got to promise to keep it a secret.

01:02:00.000 I do not promise.

01:02:01.000 You drive a hard bargain, okay?

01:02:03.000 I'll tell you.

01:02:04.000 Can you please put some underpants on first, sir?

01:02:07.000 There's no time.

01:02:08.000 America's in crisis.

01:02:10.000 Thousands of mechs amouths are overwhelming our southern border.

01:02:13.000 Some as young as another 99.

01:02:17.000 The BLT movement is still in the streets, protesting the murder of Pink Floyd.

01:02:21.000 And now a closed ghost has inserted his erection into the White House.

01:02:26.000 That made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

01:02:31.000 Don't you fret, because Uncle Joe came up with a new slogan that will unite us all and bring us back from the brink.

01:02:38.000 With great hesitation, what is it, sir?

01:02:42.000 Make America green again, man!

01:02:48.000 You can't possibly be serious.

01:02:55.000 It's got to smile.

01:02:56.000 I'm Kaylin Jenner, future governess of California.

01:02:59.000 A place once a beautiful and slimy second face has now turned into the rock.

01:03:03.000 Skip it.

01:03:04.000 That's fake.

01:03:05.000 Oh, that's a fake button.

01:03:07.000 That's pretty funny, though.

01:03:14.000 Sir, how on earth is it possible that you don't know that MAGA is Trump slogan?

01:03:18.000 What are you talking about?

01:03:20.000 I came up with it this morning.

01:03:21.000 Popped into my head like a jewel.

01:03:23.000 America's gonna take it what it is and make it great again.

01:03:27.000 Sir, I can't recommend strongly enough that you never mention this ever again to any other human being for the rest of your natural life.

01:03:33.000 Well, I already ordered them.

01:03:35.000 Specially made in China.

01:03:37.000 One for every man, woman, and transgena.

01:03:39.000 Costs $40 billion.

01:03:42.000 But it includes shipping and handling.

01:03:46.000 Hey, Dad.

01:03:50.000 See, this is kind of weird.

01:03:53.000 Stop.

01:03:53.000 Where he doesn't really know what Hunter Biden talks like, so he makes Hunter Biden a new guy.

01:03:58.000 Yeah, just who can't do it.

01:03:59.000 It's sort of like when on Stern, when they do imitations of what's his name there, not Gary, but the bumbling fool idiot.

01:04:10.000 And they give him like this weird accent.

01:04:12.000 Sal?

01:04:13.000 No, no.

01:04:13.000 Benji.

01:04:14.000 Benji.

01:04:14.000 Yeah.

01:04:15.000 They do Benji.

01:04:16.000 They do this weird voice that he doesn't sound like.

01:04:18.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:04:19.000 And it's like a weird parody of his voice, but it doesn't sound like him at all.

01:04:21.000 And I appreciate that.

01:04:23.000 Yeah.

01:04:23.000 I like it.

01:04:24.000 Anyway, you can look that up on your own time.

01:04:25.000 You don't tune into a show to watch us watch a show.

01:04:28.000 That's like inception, man.

01:04:29.000 It's like get inside.

01:04:30.000 You're not outside the head.

01:04:33.000 I was vice principal under Barack Toboggan.

01:04:36.000 I just thought, you know what I thought of?

01:04:38.000 I'm going to feel bad when if Joe Biden or when Joe Biden actually dies.

01:04:45.000 I will feel bad too because I'll have leg cramps from dancing in the streets.

01:04:49.000 You'll physically feel bad.

01:04:50.000 I'll need CBD.

01:04:51.000 I'll need johnnyapple.com.

01:04:53.000 Yeah.

01:04:54.000 No, I'd feel bad.

01:04:55.000 He's on his way out.

01:04:56.000 Clearly, it's going to happen very soon.

01:04:59.000 And I'm just going to feel bad.

01:05:00.000 He's an old man. 0.95

01:05:02.000 I don't think he's evil anymore.

01:05:03.000 He used to be kind of a no, he's my pet Biden.

01:05:06.000 Yeah, little guy.

01:05:07.000 He's a silly Mr. Magoo who has no idea what's going on in the world. 0.87

01:05:12.000 And the left has such severe Trump derangement syndrome that they put a senile old man in the driver's seat of the biggest, most powerful country in the world.

01:05:22.000 Yeah.

01:05:23.000 Are you thinking?

01:05:24.000 Because I like old people, you know, they're nice.

01:05:28.000 What do you think?

01:05:28.000 Let's get into feminism.

01:05:30.000 Show the feminism bumper. 1.00

01:05:31.000 All right.

01:05:31.000 Let's feminize ourselves.

01:05:34.000 What?

01:05:35.000 What?

01:05:36.000 I didn't say that.

01:05:37.000 I didn't say that, man.

01:05:38.000 Feminism is cancer. 1.00

01:05:40.000 Feminism is cancer. 1.00

01:05:42.000 I'm a lady.

01:05:43.000 Oh, I've missed that blonde with the bathing suit. 1.00

01:05:46.000 God damn it.

01:05:48.000 That's one of the only tens I've seen in a long time.

01:05:52.000 You want to go back to it, don't you?

01:05:53.000 I do.

01:05:54.000 Okay.

01:05:55.000 That's a 10.

01:05:56.000 So second from the...

01:05:57.000 Not the one laying down, but second from the left.

01:05:59.000 Right.

01:06:00.000 Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying.

01:06:01.000 Well, it's because she's showing so much of that thigh front part. 1.00

01:06:05.000 Maybe.

01:06:05.000 You're not supposed to see that.

01:06:06.000 Like, that's a really rare thing.

01:06:08.000 But the girl, like, with bending over in the jean shorts, she's not in that shot. 0.99

01:06:14.000 That her there with the jean shorts. 1.00

01:06:16.000 Yeah.

01:06:16.000 She's like prettier, but I don't know.

01:06:19.000 It's missing the sprinkles.

01:06:20.000 There's something about that blonde where it's just like the most beautiful human being you've ever seen in your life.

01:06:25.000 I'm telling you, it's truly that you don't see that very often.

01:06:29.000 This little chunk here.

01:06:30.000 And that's the, like, that's where your eyes go, right?

01:06:33.000 No.

01:06:34.000 The other ones are like, yeah, sure, whatever.

01:06:37.000 Is the moves?

01:06:39.000 The leg thing.

01:06:40.000 Oh, you know what?

01:06:42.000 It reminds me.

01:06:42.000 Doesn't it remind you of that leg thing that that chick did that you always liked?

01:06:46.000 Who did the spider dance? 1.00

01:06:47.000 Raquel Welch.

01:06:49.000 Yeah, there's some Raquel Welch in. 1.00

01:06:50.000 Dude, you're blurry.

01:06:51.000 You've got to fix this problem.

01:06:53.000 The sign behind you is so crystal clear that I could print it out and make new signs.

01:06:59.000 Your hat says.

01:07:02.000 I got focus.

01:07:04.000 I'm going to take off autofocus and I'm just going to focus it manually.

01:07:08.000 There, there we go.

01:07:10.000 Okay.

01:07:12.000 Yeah, that's better.

01:07:13.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:07:14.000 Manual focus.

01:07:14.000 See your nice greasy face.

01:07:16.000 Hey.

01:07:18.000 How do we feel about Britney Spears?

01:07:20.000 I saw that the judge said no to the appeal.

01:07:23.000 Now, living in the era of fake news, obviously my first instinct is give her her money. 0.75

01:07:28.000 But I don't know what she's up to.

01:07:31.000 Is she like walking around naked, leaving her climbing over trees with like a frying pan on her head?

01:07:39.000 I don't know.

01:07:40.000 I don't know what she's been doing.

01:07:42.000 I know she shaved her head a while ago.

01:07:44.000 What's wrong with that?

01:07:45.000 And maybe the judge saw how much the dad's giving her and it's like 300 grand a month. 0.58

01:07:49.000 I don't know.

01:07:51.000 So we don't know the details.

01:07:52.000 You can't trust your instincts.

01:07:54.000 I got to say, with the Bill Cosby thing, I am disgusted by my own instincts.

01:07:59.000 I'm not impressed.

01:08:02.000 And I said this to my wife too.

01:08:03.000 When he got out, I was like, ah, it was a different time.

01:08:08.000 Same here.

01:08:08.000 I was happy that he got out.

01:08:10.000 I still am.

01:08:10.000 And I don't know why.

01:08:11.000 I can't tell you why.

01:08:13.000 It's like a friend.

01:08:14.000 Well, the right-wing thing is like they tried to make Me Too a thing.

01:08:17.000 And then when it didn't work on Trump, they went, okay, Me Too's not a thing.

01:08:21.000 Let's not make Bill Cosby rot just because we hate Trump.

01:08:26.000 So they abandoned Me Too, and that was the impetus behind Bill Cosby.

01:08:30.000 But I don't know.

01:08:32.000 It's like Roman Polanski.

01:08:34.000 Like, he fucked a 13-year-old, gave her a pill.

01:08:38.000 But part of me is like, why'd the mother bring her there?

01:08:42.000 I'm never justifying raping children, believe it or not.

01:08:45.000 I'm against that.

01:08:47.000 But like, everyone knew back then that Bill Cosby was the guy who drugs your drink.

01:08:52.000 And I think there was a lot of culpability with the woman who went there where they sort of went, ah, I'll get a gig out of it. 0.98

01:08:59.000 That's what, who's that comedian that's my friend?

01:09:04.000 Which one?

01:09:05.000 He's on Red Eye all the time.

01:09:06.000 Bill Schultz?

01:09:07.000 No, he hosted it for a while.

01:09:10.000 Oh, fucking.

01:09:12.000 Tom Shalou?

01:09:13.000 Tom Shalou.

01:09:14.000 Tom Shalou goes, everyone knew that when you go to Bill Cosby, you get drugged and raped.

01:09:20.000 It's like the thing.

01:09:22.000 So when someone's going to audition for Bill Cosby, everyone rolls their eyes and goes, oh, here we go.

01:09:28.000 Better wear some yoga pants or something.

01:09:32.000 So that way I don't have to find my job.

01:09:34.000 But then, as my wife pointed out, like 75 women said that happened, and that's bad.

01:09:39.000 So then I was in a unique position I've never been in before where I was offended by my own beliefs.

01:09:44.000 You're like, McInnes?

01:09:46.000 Get the fuck out of my house, me.

01:09:49.000 You're okay with 75 women being raped?

01:09:52.000 And then I said to me, I am, and I'm tired of pretending I'm not.

01:10:00.000 And you think that's okay, don't you?

01:10:03.000 I'm mortified by my own opinions.

01:10:11.000 He does hey, hey, hey?

01:10:12.000 You saw that?

01:10:13.000 No.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, he did.

01:10:15.000 I thought that was a joke.

01:10:27.000 You know what that is?

01:10:28.000 That's bad adrenaline control.

01:10:30.000 You're so pumped.

01:10:31.000 He meant to just go, hey, but his heart's pounding went, it reminds me of my buddy was in a band called The Trapped, and they covered Mr. T Experience.

01:10:44.000 Mr. T Experience did a cover of a Sesame Street song called, I look at you and sing a song about up and down.

01:10:52.000 And his first night with the band, I was there watching him.

01:10:56.000 Come on, you got it.

01:10:57.000 And it's like, one, two, three, four, doon, doon, do, do, do, do, do.

01:11:02.000 But he was so pumped that he went, one, two, three, four.

01:11:11.000 Take it down or not.

01:11:12.000 I've done that before, and I don't want to dig any specific memories up because I'll cringe.

01:11:17.000 Can't give you my heart if I can't take your love.

01:11:20.000 What's up is down, and what's down is up.

01:11:22.000 Gotta go around town, not to know what's going on to the thing that I love.

01:11:28.000 I love you, and you're a real cool chick, But I gotta think about what I'm doing that's up and down.

01:11:33.000 I don't know if you're up or you're down, but hey, that's life, and you seem really cool.

01:11:37.000 I want to love you, but I got a big heart, and I can't trust you if you take it apart.

01:11:42.000 So I'm just gonna sit here and talk to myself with a bunch of me's that a guy made in post.

01:11:48.000 Up and down, up and down.

01:11:50.000 I'm going up and I'm down and I'm up and I'm down.

01:11:52.000 Her song is like kind of better than mine, but it's not.

01:11:56.000 My daughter and I are obsessed.

01:12:00.000 I told you, we were watching the boxing and in between, like every commercial break, she's like, put it on. 0.78

01:12:05.000 I'm like, okay.

01:12:06.000 Can't give you my hug.

01:12:08.000 Can't take your love.

01:12:10.000 No, it was just cringing?

01:12:14.000 No.

01:12:15.000 Okay.

01:12:15.000 But it was worse than cringing.

01:12:17.000 Oh, okay.

01:12:18.000 It was just kind of like fascination.

01:12:20.000 It was like when you see those ghetto fights and you're just watching it laughing. 1.00

01:12:24.000 Like you're like, this is garbage and I love it.

01:12:28.000 Pull it up.

01:12:31.000 Pull it up.

01:12:33.000 Can't give you my heart if I can't take your love.

01:12:35.000 And what's up is down is push, jumps, is shove.

01:12:38.000 You got to know what you want and want what you do.

01:12:41.000 And I don't know if I love it on you.

01:12:43.000 Highs and lows are going up and down.

01:12:45.000 That's all that comes up.

01:12:48.000 No, I talked to dude.

01:12:50.000 He said he was putting it back up.

01:12:53.000 Ryan Rivera.

01:12:56.000 There we go.

01:12:58.000 Hey, man, I want to love you, but I can't love you back.

01:13:00.000 And I know all the stuff we get.

01:13:02.000 You want the intro?

01:13:07.000 That's a long intro.

01:13:08.000 This is like a 1990s music video.

01:13:09.000 Alright, start from the top, from the top.

01:13:13.000 Passing through the days.

01:13:15.000 Passing through the days.

01:13:17.000 If anyone sees me now, I see we see.

01:13:20.000 Same way.

01:13:20.000 I can harmonize it.

01:13:23.000 But I never would have met you, never would have seen your face.

01:13:26.000 If I knew that you bring us to this place.

01:13:29.000 No one's fault without both.

01:13:32.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:13:33.000 I'm singing.

01:13:34.000 No, I'm enjoying this.

01:13:35.000 Taking all the time that I can't.

01:13:38.000 Not too sure about your commitment.

01:13:42.000 Taking all the time.

01:13:43.000 It's very big.

01:13:51.000 Gotta tell me so.

01:13:53.000 Should we take it from the top?

01:13:54.000 Take it from the top.

01:13:55.000 Or just leave it where we dropped off.

01:13:58.000 Should we take it from the top?

01:13:59.000 Take it from the top.

01:14:00.000 Or baby, just stop.

01:14:03.000 Stop pissing, moaning, barking at me.

01:14:05.000 Cause you probably definitely not afraid to let you stay.

01:14:11.000 I guess.

01:14:11.000 Has a memory and the truth of every moment that flies far beneath the growth we see.

01:14:18.000 She jumped on with those guys.

01:14:25.000 It's got a real Ani DeFranco vibe.

01:14:28.000 Yeah, that was the inspiration.

01:14:32.000 And if I can't be a little drawing when you showed your mom this video, was she like, Brian is beautiful.

01:14:41.000 She doesn't speak that way.

01:14:42.000 I know.

01:14:42.000 I don't know why I said that.

01:14:44.000 This is beautiful.

01:14:45.000 He's so beautiful.

01:14:47.000 Did you show your dad?

01:14:49.000 And you're like, well, dad, what'd you think?

01:14:50.000 Oh, I didn't watch it.

01:14:51.000 I was so busy.

01:14:53.000 Maybe I'll watch it another time.

01:14:55.000 Oh, I don't like you.

01:14:57.000 Oh, it's...

01:14:58.000 I assume there's something wrong with it.

01:15:02.000 Just my gut feelings has been dancing around with that.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, everything you do, there's something wrong with.

01:15:08.000 So I'm just going to err on the side of the question.

01:15:13.000 I assume there's something wrong with that.

01:15:15.000 No, really, what did your mom say when you showed her that?

01:15:18.000 I don't think I've ever showed her that.

01:15:20.000 Okay.

01:15:21.000 Like, she just finds my stuff.

01:15:23.000 I don't show her the things.

01:15:25.000 So I sang in this other song for my band, this one, so I did the chorus.

01:15:30.000 And my grandmother said, she's like, it sounds like the voice of an angel.

01:15:35.000 So she's, you know.

01:15:37.000 No, she's final.

01:15:39.000 She's final.

01:15:42.000 I saw my wife and my youngest boy were playing Scrabble.

01:15:46.000 He's eight.

01:15:47.000 And I was like, what is this song?

01:15:49.000 Fayayal? 0.98

01:15:50.000 This word.

01:15:51.000 And he goes, flail.

01:15:53.000 And I'm like, no, that's an I. These are all uppercase.

01:15:57.000 He's like, nah, no, I think it's okay.

01:15:59.000 And then I said to my wife, what's Fayayell?

01:16:04.000 And she goes, it's flail. 0.94

01:16:05.000 And I go, but that's an I, not an L. And she's like, I'm like, yeah, what am I doing?

01:16:11.000 Ruining their Scrabble game.

01:16:12.000 It's hard to play Scrabble with little kids because they don't know any words.

01:16:15.000 They just learned how to spell like an hour ago.

01:16:18.000 You've read 7 million books.

01:16:20.000 And I'm like, that's not a fucking word.

01:16:24.000 Anyway.

01:16:25.000 When do you stop letting kids win?

01:16:32.000 14?

01:16:36.000 13?

01:16:37.000 It depends, too.

01:16:38.000 Like, my eldest boy is so good at baseball, he's better than me.

01:16:41.000 So I can play him and I will lose.

01:16:44.000 When we race, I don't let him win.

01:16:47.000 And he's only 12.

01:16:49.000 But it's very important to let kids win.

01:16:52.000 And there's a way to make it challenging, too.

01:16:53.000 Like, with chess, you try to set yourself up and you position yourself where you're vulnerable.

01:17:01.000 So then you put yourself in a corner and then hope he sees the corner.

01:17:04.000 So it's not boring.

01:17:06.000 You're fucking yourself over.

01:17:08.000 It's a challenge to fuck yourself over.

01:17:11.000 That's good news.

01:17:12.000 I mean, you're really good at it.

01:17:13.000 It's one of your primary talents.

01:17:15.000 Thank you.

01:17:16.000 Those are my highs.

01:17:17.000 I have my lows.

01:17:21.000 Here's some new pronouns from a mental patient, 1-5.

01:17:24.000 We're still in the feminism zone. 1.00

01:17:27.000 She's got a great idea.

01:17:30.000 Oh, it's Jack.

01:17:31.000 Hi, I'm Jax, and I just came up with new neopronouns that combine he, him, she, her, and they, them, okay?

01:17:40.000 So hear me out.

01:17:41.000 They, them, theirs, okay?

01:17:43.000 They, them, their, whatever you want to consider it, right?

01:17:45.000 Let's take the first one.

01:17:46.000 Thee, okay?

01:17:47.000 This combines she, he, and they, right?

01:17:52.000 They.

01:17:53.000 The.

01:17:54.000 That's what they said, you know?

01:17:56.000 That's what they said.

01:17:57.000 Next, we got them, right?

01:17:58.000 Okay?

01:17:59.000 So them, we got, That's just combining them and him.

01:18:03.000 Them.

01:18:04.000 You know?

01:18:05.000 I went to a movie with them the other night.

01:18:07.000 Last one?

01:18:09.000 Theirs.

01:18:09.000 Okay?

01:18:10.000 It's just like theirs, but like also like hers?

01:18:14.000 Thirds.

01:18:14.000 That jacket's theirs.

01:18:16.000 Yes, this just sounds like they-them pronouns, but with the new ultra-scientific method, we have them so they've combined he and she as well.

01:18:24.000 Everybody gets you with either.

01:18:26.000 This is a matriarchy. 1.00

01:18:29.000 What's going on?

01:18:29.000 That's just a lesbian who took a bunch of hormones, right?

01:18:32.000 That guy sucks.

01:18:34.000 And she took a bunch of hormones and grew a weird mustache. 1.00

01:18:37.000 That's so gross to me.

01:18:39.000 You know what?

01:18:40.000 This is getting distracting, this shit behind us.

01:18:43.000 It's a little...

01:18:44.000 Like when it's an American flag, it's okay.

01:18:46.000 Because it's got a nice wave.

01:18:48.000 Because you're not distracted, but this is like TMI.

01:18:51.000 We may have to rethink this a little bit.

01:18:53.000 Well, we haven't really checked many submissions, and there've been more coming in, then frankly.

01:18:59.000 I thought this was funny.

01:19:00.000 Some illegal alien gets so horny that he tackles a woman.

01:19:06.000 I get horny too, guys.

01:19:10.000 I don't watch porn.

01:19:11.000 I don't masturbate.

01:19:13.000 So if the wife is not in the mood for a long time, my spigot is cut off. 0.87

01:19:19.000 And I will catch myself just staring at someone.

01:19:21.000 Someone when the way she parks her car gives me a fucking boner. 1.00

01:19:24.000 But I don't act on it because I'm a civilized human being and a legal immigrant.

01:19:29.000 But this guy's an illegal immigrant. 0.61

01:19:31.000 And this is what he does when he gets horny.

01:19:36.000 She's got some meat on her bones. 1.00

01:19:37.000 God, I want to fuck her. 1.00

01:19:40.000 Oh, I just want to like grab her tits. 1.00

01:19:43.000 I got it.

01:19:44.000 I just got to do it.

01:19:44.000 Ooh.

01:19:45.000 Takes her down.

01:19:47.000 Like, this is cave days.

01:19:49.000 Puts his hands down her pants, feels her ass. 0.57

01:19:53.000 Probably puts his finger in her vagina. 1.00

01:19:57.000 Grabs a tit, and he's like, I just had to. 1.00

01:19:59.000 Sorry.

01:19:59.000 Bye.

01:20:00.000 Sheesh.

01:20:03.000 You can tell he's an illegal too because he's overdressed in the summer because he's not cold.

01:20:07.000 He's not hot.

01:20:09.000 If that was legal to do, I would not abuse that.

01:20:13.000 Of course not, dude.

01:20:14.000 No, I wouldn't abuse that.

01:20:16.000 Wow.

01:20:16.000 How noble of you.

01:20:18.000 If I was allowed to sexually terrorize a woman, I wouldn't do it.

01:20:22.000 I didn't say I wouldn't do it.

01:20:22.000 I'm a hero.

01:20:23.000 Are you a feminist? 1.00

01:20:24.000 I didn't say I wouldn't do it.

01:20:25.000 I just said I wouldn't abuse it.

01:20:26.000 Oh, she would do it sometimes.

01:20:28.000 Only when necessary.

01:20:31.000 I will say, tell me if this is unethical.

01:20:33.000 If I was invisible, I might look up a skirt or two.

01:20:38.000 Now, she never knows.

01:20:40.000 Have I sinned?

01:20:42.000 Have I committed a crime?

01:20:44.000 I don't think so.

01:20:45.000 If a tree falls in the wood and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?

01:20:49.000 It's like going to the museum without paying admission.

01:20:52.000 It's like, it's there to look.

01:20:54.000 I don't know where I fall.

01:20:57.000 Just this gumbag show.

01:20:59.000 Here's another dude who just got so horny I had to just go lick a woman's butt cheeks. 0.85

01:21:05.000 This feels like a good balance of Canada Day, some Joe Biden, and some just retarded crap. 1.00

01:21:12.000 We can take calls now.

01:21:20.000 Did you see that?

01:21:21.000 Yes, I see.

01:21:22.000 She's some old lady. 1.00

01:21:24.000 I like how he tries to justify it, too.

01:21:26.000 Well, you was bending over and it was there.

01:21:30.000 Yeah.

01:21:30.000 Don't bend over.

01:21:32.000 And it's not even like her butt cheeks. 0.76

01:21:33.000 It's her lower back. 0.90

01:21:36.000 Is he sniffing or licking?

01:21:38.000 Nobody knows.

01:21:39.000 No, it says lick her buttocks. 1.00

01:21:42.000 Wow.

01:21:42.000 And then what does he say after?

01:21:44.000 Lick her buttock and then told her to grab an item from while she was grabbing an item. 1.00

01:21:49.000 He's like, I just got to lick that.

01:21:52.000 You know who does that?

01:21:53.000 Animals.

01:21:56.000 You're a dog.

01:21:58.000 Oh, good.

01:21:59.000 They got a picture of him.

01:22:00.000 I'll keep my eye out.

01:22:02.000 I'll keep my out for old Nat King Cole.

01:22:06.000 He's a piece of coal with a part of a lip.

01:22:09.000 That's a bad man.

01:22:11.000 Yeah, let's get a good look at him.

01:22:12.000 Who does some bad things?

01:22:14.000 There he goes.

01:22:15.000 If you see this person in your ink blotter, please let us know.

01:22:22.000 Okay, so let's take some calls.

01:22:25.000 Play that cool song, thanks for calling.

01:22:27.000 Now, this song, was it written by a viewer or is it a popular song I never heard before?

01:22:32.000 Because it's really good.

01:22:33.000 That's a good question.

01:22:34.000 I don't know.

01:22:35.000 People call me a cheap ass for asking for viewer submissions, but I'm sorry.

01:22:40.000 They're just so good.

01:22:42.000 Like the final video video, the fucking Ryan's, Gavin's mailbag video.

01:22:49.000 I could spend months hiring and firing people and getting submissions and trying to find someone to do that.

01:22:55.000 Look at that shirt, that MyPet Biden shirt. 0.99

01:23:00.000 Or the Mom Culture Is Awesome shirt.

01:23:05.000 Quality.

01:23:06.000 Quality?

01:23:08.000 You are on the air.

01:23:10.000 Get up conversation.

01:23:11.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:23:13.000 You don't need to learn, share this.

01:23:15.000 Understand why.

01:23:17.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:23:18.000 You have one thing.

01:23:20.000 Thank you for calling.

01:23:21.000 It's great to hear me from you.

01:23:22.000 Bye-bye.

01:23:23.000 All right, next call.

01:23:26.000 All right, so you got the mic here?

01:23:28.000 Should I bring it higher up?

01:23:31.000 Yep.

01:23:32.000 Am I breaking the fourth wall?

01:23:34.000 No.

01:23:36.000 So we have a weird solution to the feedback with Skype.

01:23:40.000 We'll get a better solution eventually, but now we use a lav to talk to you to avoid the echo.

01:23:45.000 You at home hear this.

01:23:47.000 Caller hears that.

01:23:54.000 So July 4th, we won't be here, but of course we pre-recorded a show for you that's very America-themed.

01:24:02.000 I hope I gave Canada the credit it is due.

01:24:06.000 It's got some problems.

01:24:08.000 It's got this like, I'm going to reinvent the wheel thing, which is annoying.

01:24:11.000 Like, why not have two wives? 0.99

01:24:14.000 Why not live in a boat?

01:24:16.000 Because it's such a new country.

01:24:18.000 They're always reinventing the wheel.

01:24:20.000 How about a house where the roof is on the ground and the foundation is on the top floor?

01:24:26.000 And then the home collapses and the relationship collapses and the experiment Collapses.

01:24:31.000 That can be annoying.

01:24:32.000 Or the whole like Justin Trudeau saying, the hardest thing, the biggest challenge of our lifetime will be labeling things correctly.

01:24:41.000 He's talking about trans and stuff.

01:24:44.000 That's idiotic.

01:24:46.000 But it is a fun combination of American rednecks and British aristocrats. 0.89

01:24:52.000 So you have guys who look like this who are really intelligent and sophisticated, but they can change a transmission.

01:25:01.000 That's fun.

01:25:02.000 And I kind of miss that.

01:25:04.000 Although Toronto has become so fucking woke that, you know.

01:25:09.000 Remember the time we're in a bar, me and my brother in Toronto, and word gets out that the Proud Boys guy is there.

01:25:17.000 So women start coming by. 1.00

01:25:20.000 Remember this story?

01:25:21.000 We actually made a t-shirt of this story.

01:25:24.000 And so this woman is staring at me. 0.56

01:25:26.000 She doesn't have anything to say, though, obviously.

01:25:29.000 And she looks at me, just glares. 0.88

01:25:32.000 Remember the eyeball thing?

01:25:34.000 And then she goes back to the back of the bar and just sits like this in a catatonic rage. 1.00

01:25:40.000 And I'm not exaggerating.

01:25:42.000 So I'm talking to my brother, and I go, I look back, I see her, and I'm like, what the fuck?

01:25:48.000 I said, it's kind of funny, you know, when a woman is acting like that, you're just like, no, what's she going to do? 1.00

01:25:54.000 Break a bottle over my head.

01:25:56.000 I'll see her coming.

01:25:57.000 I'm not, this, she's not going to have a knife. 0.61

01:26:01.000 So if it was a dude, especially like a tall dude who had little tells, like say he had dress shoes on, like wingtips, but no socks, and he was like this, and he had a t-shirt and slacks on, something like that, and glasses where one of the arms was like a popsicle stick instead of an arm.

01:26:20.000 You're like, we should probably get out of here.

01:26:24.000 I got a bad feeling about that dude, and he's going to stab me with some weird piece of shrapnel.

01:26:31.000 But with a woman, you're just like, go ahead, bitch. 1.00

01:26:33.000 And so this feminist guy was near me and he's like, what do you mean?

01:26:38.000 First of all, I'm not talking to you.

01:26:41.000 I didn't say that, but so I go, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

01:26:45.000 She doesn't have a knife.

01:26:48.000 It's like if a dog was there.

01:26:50.000 Oh my God, if a dog was mad at me, like some like basset hound was staring at me from the back of the bar, I'd just be like, okay, I guess that dog's grumpy.

01:27:00.000 And I go, I know she doesn't have a knife.

01:27:02.000 And he goes insane.

01:27:05.000 He starts banging the bar as hard as he can, and he screams, dogs don't have knives!

01:27:12.000 Dogs don't have knives again and again and again.

01:27:17.000 Completely hysterical.

01:27:19.000 And the bartender goes, you guys got to go.

01:27:22.000 I'm not saying I disagree with you, but you're causing too much trouble.

01:27:27.000 So me and my brother and like three proud boys were like, fine, fuck.

01:27:32.000 Later.

01:27:34.000 And we went down the street to some shitty super dive bar that was all, when you go to a dive bar in Canada, it's Indians and blacks and immigrants and stuff. 1.00

01:27:42.000 So we go to some super dive bar that had really tacky decor, which we kind of liked.

01:27:47.000 And it was, you know, First Nations, as they're called up there.

01:27:52.000 A few black immigrants, like with accents, a lot of Pakistanis, some weird like Somalians and stuff. 1.00

01:27:58.000 And we were like, ah, we can finally relax.

01:28:00.000 We're away from white people. 1.00

01:28:02.000 The racists are finally away from white people.

01:28:06.000 That's what us racists want, to be with Indians and blacks and immigrants.

01:28:11.000 And then we were doing Coke with those guys.

01:28:13.000 We had a great night.

01:28:14.000 Fucking me, right?

01:28:15.000 And they had no idea who the fuck we were, right?

01:28:18.000 So we got to enjoy each other's company, fuck.

01:28:21.000 Didn't somebody make a shirt with that dogs don't have knives?

01:28:23.000 Yeah, some guy made a shirt that said dogs don't have knives.

01:28:25.000 Fucking.

01:28:26.000 I'm sorry I'm not conveying it well enough, but imagine like, I don't know.

01:28:32.000 Some guy was raped by his mother his whole life, and I was the lawyer who got her off, and I said, you were never raped.

01:28:41.000 Like, he went that psycho.

01:28:44.000 He was screaming.

01:28:45.000 Like, I couldn't have slapped him.

01:28:47.000 He was gone.

01:28:48.000 Dogs don't have knives.

01:28:50.000 Dogs don't have knives.

01:28:51.000 Pounding.

01:28:52.000 Because he was mad that I wasn't intimidated by this 30-year-old woman who was 40 feet away going.

01:29:04.000 Because that's sexist for me not to be scared of her.

01:29:08.000 He's right.

01:29:09.000 And I was right.

01:29:10.000 She didn't have a knife.

01:29:14.000 Neither did the dogs.

01:29:16.000 Yeah, I can't find it.

01:29:17.000 I was trying to look for the episode where you showed the shirt or something.

01:29:20.000 That's a task.

01:29:22.000 We got Joe Rogan's podcast, which names Mickey.

01:29:26.000 217.

01:29:27.000 Wait, this is Joe Rogan?

01:29:28.000 Hi, Joe.

01:29:30.000 Oh.

01:29:31.000 Go ahead, sir.

01:29:32.000 I'm sorry.

01:29:33.000 Happy Canada Day there.

01:29:35.000 Guys.

01:29:37.000 Happy Canada's B Day, guy.

01:29:38.000 It's a hard thing to say Canada Day.

01:29:42.000 Yeah, I'm totally American.

01:29:45.000 So I was watching the censor TV where you had us kind of watch the Joe Rogan thing and see what was so offensive.

01:29:54.000 Obviously, there was nothing offensive.

01:29:57.000 I kept seeing, like, when you would get up to go to the bathroom listening, he would be like, so I think what Gavin's doing here is, you know, he does this thing where he's saying sensational things, but really, it's, you know, he's just joking.

01:30:12.000 But really, he's just, you know, the whole time, he does that several times.

01:30:16.000 And I was just kind of like, maybe he's just Gavin.

01:30:20.000 Maybe that's just who he is.

01:30:22.000 Maybe he's not playing a character.

01:30:25.000 Well, it's weird because we really bonded after that first episode.

01:30:29.000 And we would text each other all the time.

01:30:31.000 And he brought me and my son to these fights where we had front row and shit.

01:30:35.000 And I went to his show when I went to the green room, which was like as big as this.

01:30:39.000 It was tiny at the, oh, fuck, it's on the upper west side.

01:30:43.000 I forget what it's called.

01:30:44.000 But it was like we instantly became best friends.

01:30:48.000 And that night, I didn't want to wait around because he does selfies with every single person in the audience.

01:30:54.000 So it takes like an hour and a half.

01:30:55.000 So I just went to see Dante Nero, another guy who stabbed me in the back.

01:30:59.000 And I said, I'll catch Up with you later.

01:31:01.000 And we didn't end up catching up.

01:31:02.000 That was kind of the end of our friendship because after I think I was on the second time, I can't remember when the Muslim one was, if that was the first or the second time. 1.00

01:31:10.000 But he goes, Dude, people are calling me racist for having you on.

01:31:15.000 And he was saying it in a really shocked way.

01:31:18.000 And I was like, Yeah, that's the deal.

01:31:20.000 It's clown world.

01:31:22.000 Why are you surprised?

01:31:23.000 You didn't, you don't have Google?

01:31:25.000 You didn't know that?

01:31:27.000 And then the correspondence ended, basically.

01:31:32.000 And then we saw the Spotify thing.

01:31:34.000 But yeah, thanks for calling.

01:31:35.000 That was a weird kind of a pussy move. 1.00

01:31:39.000 But, you know, I called Joe Rogan a pussy.

01:31:41.000 Him being a pussy led to, what, $100 million deal? 1.00

01:31:47.000 He's got kids.

01:31:49.000 I ain't mad at you.

01:31:51.000 I ain't mad at it.

01:31:52.000 You want to say I don't like Gavin McInnes?

01:31:54.000 If someone's going to pay you $100 million to say, I don't like Gavin McInnes, why don't I test it?

01:32:00.000 Hey, here's $100 million.

01:32:02.000 Oh, thanks.

01:32:02.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:32:03.000 Say I hate Joe Rogan.

01:32:06.000 I hate Joe Rogan.

01:32:08.000 What do I mean to be like, no way, that's my bro.

01:32:12.000 I wouldn't take $100 million to put Joe Rogan in prison for four years.

01:32:17.000 Like Max and John.

01:32:18.000 I wouldn't take $10 trillion for that.

01:32:22.000 Although maybe I could do it and then give them the money.

01:32:26.000 And then just anyway, you get the idea.

01:32:27.000 Buy a drone thing to this.

01:32:29.000 All he did was not put my interview on Spotify that has like 6 million views on YouTube.

01:32:38.000 In other words, everyone who wants to see it has seen it.

01:32:40.000 It's run its course.

01:32:42.000 It sounds like what the caller was saying is that he's trying to give you like a way out.

01:32:46.000 If you ever wanted to be like, guys, that was a character.

01:32:49.000 No, he was covering his own ass because he was nervous because I was saying I was dropping truth bombs, which never happens in L.A. Never.

01:33:00.000 Never.

01:33:01.000 Nobody in LA is dropping truth bombs.

01:33:04.000 You have guys like Brett Eastonellis who say, maybe we shouldn't murder people who drop truth bombs.

01:33:10.000 That's about as good as it gets.

01:33:12.000 But no one says something like, I don't think Muslims are compatible in the West.

01:33:16.000 They have a serious inbreeding problem.

01:33:18.000 That's hate.

01:33:20.000 It may be true, but it's hate.

01:33:24.000 We got Justin.

01:33:27.000 Hey guys, how are you?

01:33:28.000 Hello.

01:33:28.000 Good.

01:33:28.000 How are you doing?

01:33:30.000 Awesome.

01:33:31.000 Gav, I just wanted to get your take on Howard Stern taking the entire summer off.

01:33:36.000 It's kind of weird.

01:33:37.000 What a fucking pussy. 1.00

01:33:39.000 I'll let Crowder.

01:33:40.000 Crowder always takes July off.

01:33:42.000 Now he's having some big surgery.

01:33:44.000 I think that's acceptable.

01:33:45.000 But like, I would be really scared.

01:33:47.000 I'm doing a show tomorrow because I don't want to lose you guys.

01:33:50.000 If you're a restaurant, and I had a restaurant that went under, so I know this, and you start getting weird hours and, you know, your date, your anniversary dinner, and you go there and the door's locked.

01:34:01.000 People start going, I'm not coming to this restaurant anymore.

01:34:04.000 So I don't know.

01:34:06.000 I mean, he's old.

01:34:07.000 He's making $90 million a year.

01:34:08.000 He doesn't give a shit, but I just don't feel like that's fair to the subscribers.

01:34:13.000 Yeah, I could understand if it was like a free thing, like, you know, Kimmel or whatever.

01:34:17.000 That's on TV.

01:34:18.000 I don't pay for ABC, but like a serious subscriber, I'm paying to hear Howard, you know, every couple of weeks take off his entire three months.

01:34:28.000 You know what?

01:34:28.000 I think it's time.

01:34:30.000 We're both stern guys.

01:34:31.000 I think it's time to cross over to Jim and Sam.

01:34:35.000 It's much more meandering.

01:34:38.000 Like they'll talk about some old, they talked up today.

01:34:41.000 They talked about Halloween, like the movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, and it's from like three years ago, where she burns Mike Myers to shreds.

01:34:52.000 And so it's silly.

01:34:53.000 It's real radio.

01:34:55.000 Like it's not topical and they go off at tangents.

01:34:57.000 So it takes a bit of getting used to, but it's much more pleasant.

01:35:01.000 It's much more apolitical.

01:35:03.000 There's no COVID shit.

01:35:05.000 There's no get the vaccine.

01:35:07.000 Wear a mask.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, it's got to be true.

01:35:10.000 You know what I actually did?

01:35:10.000 I actually ended up canceling my serious sub.

01:35:13.000 And because you've been doing Wednesdays with Kumia, I signed up for his stuff. 0.91

01:35:16.000 And I watched his show today.

01:35:18.000 I laughed my ass off.

01:35:19.000 It was so fucking funny.

01:35:20.000 Dude, he's just like him and Tucker Carlson and old Stern.

01:35:25.000 And when I say old Stern, I mean 2015.

01:35:29.000 Like if you listen to the episodes before Trump, he was still really good and controversial and the whack pack was great.

01:35:35.000 But COVID ruined him.

01:35:37.000 Trump ruined him.

01:35:38.000 Oh, completely.

01:35:39.000 But Jim and Sam.

01:35:41.000 Go ahead.

01:35:42.000 I'm sorry.

01:35:43.000 No, the funny thing with this Trump bit, like, if you remember, like, it was like 2016 and then 2017, 2018, Howard was talking like, oh, I'm going to get invited to the Lincoln bedroom.

01:35:53.000 I'm going to bang Beth in the Lincoln bedroom. 1.00

01:35:56.000 I'm going to be the head of the FCC.

01:35:58.000 Just you wait, just you wait.

01:35:59.000 And then it was just like, you know, nothing.

01:36:01.000 And then it was like right around when this book came out, it was like, fuck Trump.

01:36:04.000 He never wanted, he's got too many summers left over.

01:36:07.000 He doesn't really want to be president.

01:36:08.000 He really, he just wants a sort of 10 teeth show.

01:36:10.000 And it's like, I would love to know what happened behind the scenes because how do you go from, I'm going to go fuck my wife in the Lincoln bedroom to he hates Trump supporters and he wants them to die.

01:36:19.000 Like it's just, there was something that I was saying.

01:36:20.000 I never thought of that.

01:36:21.000 I just assumed it was his trophy wife telling him what to do. 1.00

01:36:24.000 But maybe he's a jilted lover.

01:36:27.000 Maybe like a woman's mother. 0.98

01:36:30.000 It's definitely that too, like with his wife.

01:36:31.000 But I think there's something that happened where it was just like, no, go away.

01:36:36.000 Like you're bad for the brand or whatever.

01:36:37.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:36:39.000 Thank you.

01:36:42.000 Yeah, there's like two types of people in the world or at least public figures.

01:36:46.000 And there's the Joe Strummer guys.

01:36:48.000 They're like, what's going on?

01:36:49.000 Yeah, what you doing?

01:36:50.000 Hey, can you make a video?

01:36:52.000 My wife's, my brother's getting married tomorrow.

01:36:54.000 Can you make a video for him?

01:36:55.000 Sure.

01:36:56.000 And then there's like the Howard Stern guys who Sirius had to build an elevator for his fucking car because he doesn't like seeing people in the elevator.

01:37:05.000 So the car goes into the building.

01:37:08.000 What the fuck does that cost?

01:37:11.000 If it wasn't in the original plans.

01:37:14.000 Right.

01:37:14.000 And then he gets out at his office.

01:37:18.000 Car.

01:37:19.000 Car, elevator, door, office.

01:37:21.000 Doesn't have to see anyone.

01:37:23.000 Put a bag over your head.

01:37:25.000 I'll pay for it.

01:37:26.000 What is it?

01:37:26.000 It can be silk.

01:37:29.000 He wouldn't like to be looked at or something like that.

01:37:31.000 And you couldn't talk to his guys like in the regular elevator.

01:37:34.000 He's not a loving person.

01:37:36.000 He's a bad person.

01:37:37.000 Now, I don't know what, it may be genetics, but I think the real problem with Howard Stern is his parents were, they want to say politically correct, but they were cheap.

01:37:46.000 And when his town, what was it, Riverdale or whatever in Long Island, on Long Island, went black, his parents were too cheap to leave.

01:37:54.000 There was a mass exodus of whites.

01:37:56.000 It got really dangerous and violent.

01:37:58.000 But his parents said, no, we're staying here.

01:37:59.000 They pretended it was because they're into, you know, multiculturalism, but I think they were just cheap asses.

01:38:05.000 So they stayed there.

01:38:08.000 And Howard Stern got beat up by blacks every day.

01:38:11.000 And his takeaway is, bigots are evil.

01:38:16.000 Same with Robin.

01:38:17.000 You know, when they were hitting me, I was like, please stop.

01:38:19.000 And I'm like, why am I telling them to stop hitting me?

01:38:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:23.000 That's kind of racist.

01:38:24.000 And then Robin was abused by blacks too, including her father who fingered her regularly and her mother who would foster parent kids to make money and then just leave them with Robin.

01:38:35.000 And then one white girl that she grew up with didn't acknowledge her at a party and she's like, I fucking hate white people.

01:38:41.000 I love Muhammad Ali.

01:38:44.000 Right after that.

01:38:45.000 Yeah, they both have the same life story.

01:38:52.000 We got Dave on the line.

01:38:54.000 Dave, 604.

01:38:58.000 Yes, bye.

01:38:59.000 Wagwan.

01:39:01.000 How are you now?

01:39:03.000 Hear me now.

01:39:05.000 Ride the Punani. 0.99

01:39:09.000 Well, switch it supporting Dominion Day and all.

01:39:12.000 You should be checking out Donnie Dumphy from Newfoundland, the East Coast, like you pretend to be from.

01:39:18.000 Donnie Dumphy?

01:39:20.000 Donnie Dumfey, having a time.

01:39:23.000 Thanks for calling.

01:39:24.000 We're checking it out right fucking now, Isty.

01:39:27.000 Having a fucking time, fucking Donnie Dumfey, fucking hanging her down.

01:39:32.000 Fuck.

01:39:32.000 I love the Quebec rednecks because you'll have guys like Martin Leduc, whose parents are French, but they don't like French because it's like seems anti-Canadian.

01:39:43.000 So they're French, but they don't speak French.

01:39:46.000 But they still swear in French.

01:39:48.000 So they'll be like, we got to get the fuck out of here, Steve.

01:39:51.000 Fucking tabernacle.

01:39:53.000 Look at that guy.

01:39:55.000 Modi Chris.

01:39:59.000 Anti-French.

01:40:03.000 Anglophones.

01:40:04.000 No.

01:40:06.000 Yeah, buds.

01:40:07.000 Donnie Domfie here.

01:40:08.000 Still rapping, no jib rapping.

01:40:09.000 People always ask Donnie, you know, what are y'all about?

01:40:11.000 Well, here it is.

01:40:14.000 Psychin?

01:40:14.000 I remember this from Donnie Meyer.

01:40:16.000 No, that's fucking easy to coast today.

01:40:22.000 Made my first 50 bucks rolling smokes for a mother.

01:40:25.000 First thing I bought was to case a beer in the rubber.

01:40:27.000 I was born in the cabin.

01:40:29.000 The bars were two.

01:40:30.000 Looking at each other, you were dumb than Jews. 1.00

01:40:33.000 There's nothing like sitting with a bottle of dreams.

01:40:38.000 Didn't hey to jump to get me sprint?

01:40:40.000 Then you know what that means.

01:40:43.000 Jump down the night sitting next to me.

01:40:46.000 I'm Wayne Grammy.

01:40:47.000 She's watching Jeopardy.

01:40:48.000 Yeah, get some information from the movie.

01:40:50.000 Doom bed order wasn't going to be it was boo-boo-boom.

01:40:54.000 Donnie, Donnie, Donnie.

01:40:55.000 Brenda, what do you want? 0.81

01:40:56.000 Take the floor, Rob.

01:40:57.000 Take the floor.

01:40:58.000 John.

01:40:59.000 On the 50.

01:41:00.000 Get her on the go.

01:41:01.000 Get her on the grass. 1.00

01:41:03.000 I don't mind on the front.

01:41:04.000 I don't mind on the back.

01:41:06.000 It makes sense they call it the Nova Scotia's on the East Coast, New Scotland.

01:41:11.000 How is that different from Glasgow?

01:41:13.000 That is 100% Glasgow.

01:41:16.000 That could be one look head.

01:41:20.000 All right, thanks for the tip there, subscriber fuck.

01:41:23.000 Showing us the good shit.

01:41:25.000 Who's an ex-caller?

01:41:26.000 Fucking.

01:41:27.000 Oh, we got to dip into the bucket of calls.

01:41:29.000 Fuck.

01:41:30.000 Oh, shit.

01:41:31.000 No one's calling?

01:41:32.000 No, there's a bunch, but I don't know.

01:41:35.000 Dan 740 is your number.

01:41:41.000 What's up there, Dan?

01:41:42.000 We have just 10 quick things.

01:41:45.000 Ryan, congratulations.

01:41:46.000 Did you get a haircut?

01:41:48.000 And Gavin, I want to fuck you with my flip-flops on.

01:41:50.000 Later.

01:41:51.000 Later days, Blaze.

01:41:52.000 Short and fucking shit.

01:41:53.000 No, Ryan didn't get a fucking haircut.

01:41:55.000 He's got it all stuffed into his fucking toque.

01:41:59.000 His little fucking hat.

01:42:01.000 Oh, shit.

01:42:02.000 The missus is going to fucking kill me if I don't mention this, but we have a registry.

01:42:06.000 What is that?

01:42:07.000 Right?

01:42:08.000 Baby stuff.

01:42:09.000 So if you go to buybybaby.com, it's a little bit more.

01:42:12.000 Hold on a second here.

01:42:13.000 You are soliciting free gifts for that's what that is.

01:42:17.000 That's lame, Ryan.

01:42:19.000 I didn't know.

01:42:20.000 She's just telling me she's like, no, no, we're not doing that.

01:42:23.000 No.

01:42:23.000 All right.

01:42:23.000 So don't do that.

01:42:24.000 You do that for your wedding.

01:42:26.000 You do that for your wedding and you say to your friends who are coming to your wedding, hey, here's our registry.

01:42:32.000 Buy us stuff.

01:42:33.000 You don't go out to 25,000 subscribers and say, hey, buy me things.

01:42:38.000 What are you?

01:42:39.000 Jeff the drunk?

01:42:40.000 New Eric the actor?

01:42:42.000 I don't know.

01:42:43.000 I just found out what a registry was.

01:42:45.000 Yeah, it's for your wedding guests.

01:42:48.000 I thought there was a baby one.

01:42:50.000 No, that's really tacky.

01:42:53.000 Okay.

01:42:53.000 And I'm the Puerto Rican one.

01:42:55.000 Puerto Ricans, man.

01:42:56.000 It wasn't my idea.

01:42:57.000 So, but she's, I guess she hung out with the family a little too much.

01:43:01.000 We got Mark on the line, fuck.

01:43:03.000 What's up, Mark?

01:43:05.000 Hey, guys.

01:43:07.000 I just want to say I think it's easier for Joe Biden to go down in history as the old man that lost his mind than it is for him to go down in history as the crook that sold out America.

01:43:21.000 And, you know, I think we're going down the tubes quick.

01:43:24.000 Don't know about you guys, but that's what I think.

01:43:28.000 So, yeah, I'll take that.

01:43:29.000 That's a good theory, but I think you might be giving him too much credit.

01:43:34.000 Oh, no way, dude.

01:43:36.000 He totally is.

01:43:37.000 I think he's milking it.

01:43:39.000 You know, I think he knows that he's in over his head, and it's best to just play dumb.

01:43:49.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:43:52.000 So, but that's, I don't know.

01:43:55.000 I think I would just be very quiet if I was doing that and just like peace out, you know, like not show up for work in a way.

01:44:03.000 But the whole like.

01:44:04.000 I think I wrote the bill.

01:44:08.000 Yeah, he's calling out for help.

01:44:09.000 I think those are, those are screams for help.

01:44:12.000 I mean, some of the stuff he whispers, it's just you can't believe it.

01:44:17.000 You know, he said, I'm going to get in trouble, you know, a few times.

01:44:19.000 You know, they're going to yell at me.

01:44:21.000 It's just, it, it just seems as though he's, you know, plain dumb.

01:44:27.000 But that's just my observation on it.

01:44:29.000 All right.

01:44:29.000 Well, thanks for calling.

01:44:30.000 I don't hate your theory.

01:44:32.000 It just doesn't feel right.

01:44:35.000 I think that we tend to imbue the government with all this authority and grand schemes, and we tend to forget that they're just incompetent fucking boobs. 0.76

01:44:48.000 And Joe Biden was just, he was Obama's vice president, and everyone likes Obama, and Obama's not running, so okay.

01:44:58.000 And the guy is probably 10 years past the time where he could possibly do this job.

01:45:06.000 So anyone with eyeballs, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not buying it.

01:45:11.000 I'm not buying that it's all a big scheme to cover his ass.

01:45:15.000 I mean, he said years ago, like 20 years ago, my entire adult life, I wake up and someone gives me a card and it says what my appointments are that day and where I have to go.

01:45:25.000 And then someone else shuffles me around.

01:45:27.000 And he goes, if that wasn't going on, I wouldn't know where the hell I am and what I'm doing.

01:45:32.000 That was 20 years ago he said that.

01:45:34.000 So now, a man has had his entire skull removed and laid down on an operating room like a salad bowl, his brain fuck with, and then they plopped it back on and stitched a hole.

01:45:51.000 Yeah, I think you're giving him too much credit.

01:45:54.000 Next skull. 0.60

01:45:55.000 Okay, stink.

01:45:59.000 Is it stink?

01:46:00.000 What's up, stink?

01:46:01.000 Hello.

01:46:03.000 Hey, baby.

01:46:04.000 How are you?

01:46:04.000 Oh, hi, lady.

01:46:07.000 Hi.

01:46:10.000 So I wanted to ask you a question.

01:46:13.000 Yeah, that's self-evident with the call.

01:46:18.000 So I lost my job last year because of just, you know, being completely ridiculous and saying retard is not. 1.00

01:46:28.000 And I have a job interview coming up in the future.

01:46:32.000 And I'm just wondering what I think.

01:46:40.000 I just wanted to know what you thought.

01:46:41.000 Wait, so you're fired, but you want to keep your job?

01:46:45.000 No, I'm sorry.

01:46:47.000 I resigned because I was going to be fired because I said retard and faggot, and then I mentioned your name. 1.00

01:46:53.000 It was on Twitter.

01:46:54.000 It was my personal account.

01:46:56.000 Auntie forgot me.

01:46:58.000 Anyway, is there any way that the people in this interview could find those tweets?

01:47:04.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:47:06.000 How?

01:47:08.000 They just Google my.

01:47:09.000 I had to change my name.

01:47:12.000 Can you delete your Twitter account?

01:47:15.000 No, I actually tried to contact a company, and it was going to cost me a couple thou.

01:47:21.000 And they actually told me that it wasn't even worth it because they could actually get in trouble and get doxxed by Antifa.

01:47:28.000 So it wasn't even worth it.

01:47:30.000 What do you mean, the company?

01:47:31.000 The school?

01:47:33.000 No, I called a company to try to figure out how to get rid of my tweets that I made because I said those things.

01:47:42.000 And they said it wasn't worth it for them to even go and try to delete my tweets.

01:47:47.000 It wasn't going to cost, I mean, like, it wasn't worth it.

01:47:50.000 Well, why can't you just shut down your account?

01:47:53.000 I did.

01:47:54.000 I mean, it's completely gone.

01:47:55.000 I just don't know.

01:47:55.000 Oh, I see, but it's still floating around as, like, a thing.

01:48:00.000 I'm sorry.

01:48:01.000 It's still floating around there.

01:48:03.000 If they look you up, they'll see it.

01:48:05.000 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 I mean, if they looked up my old name, but like I have to like, yeah, I have to say, you know, like where I used to work, because I work as a public school teacher.

01:48:18.000 And if they looked up my name, they would see the tweet.

01:48:21.000 This is so easy.

01:48:23.000 Look, I got it.

01:48:24.000 So your boyfriend was being stalked by this woman who was obsessed with you.

01:48:30.000 She got on your Twitter.

01:48:33.000 She posted things.

01:48:34.000 She would dress up like you. 0.66

01:48:36.000 She accosted your mother, has a restraining order against her. 0.99

01:48:39.000 Your ex-you're not with them anymore, but your ex-boyfriend has a restraining order against her.

01:48:43.000 And she got you fired. 1.00

01:48:45.000 She got, she framed you with a bunch of stuff.

01:48:47.000 She went over to your cousin's house, dressed as you, and burnt down their garage. 1.00

01:48:55.000 Oh, shit.

01:48:57.000 And you that she's been arrested.

01:49:00.000 She even, despite being arrested, she started stalking the arresting officers.

01:49:06.000 So you've moved.

01:49:09.000 Can you say you've moved?

01:49:10.000 Would that make sense?

01:49:12.000 I mean, I lately changed my name, Gavin.

01:49:17.000 Okay.

01:49:18.000 But could you say that you've would you get away with saying you moved?

01:49:22.000 Sure, I'm sure I could do that.

01:49:24.000 Right.

01:49:24.000 So I moved.

01:49:26.000 I changed my name.

01:49:27.000 Don't say you changed your name.

01:49:29.000 Yeah, okay.

01:49:29.000 Say you changed your name.

01:49:31.000 I moved.

01:49:31.000 I changed my name.

01:49:32.000 And this psychotic woman was not going to... 1.00

01:49:35.000 Oh, here's a good one.

01:49:36.000 You go, she's not going to define me.

01:49:39.000 I'm not going to let her win.

01:49:41.000 Now she doesn't know where I am.

01:49:42.000 And I'm finally moving on.

01:49:44.000 My poor, you know, she ruined my relationship. 0.93

01:49:46.000 We were going to get married.

01:49:48.000 And yeah, so anything you hear about her, she's not going to bother you at the school.

01:49:53.000 We've finally severed it, but she sabotaged my reputation, this crazy psychotic woman who I never really met. 1.00

01:50:01.000 Like her beef was that I was dating her ex-boyfriend.

01:50:05.000 She's not part of my world, but that's what she did. 0.99

01:50:08.000 And then when they call you and say, we have a footage of you at a Klan rally saying niggers are faggot retards.

01:50:16.000 And you go, that was one of her most brilliant moves.

01:50:21.000 She dressed up like me and went to a clan rally.

01:50:25.000 Done.

01:50:27.000 Thank you, Gavin.

01:50:28.000 Right.

01:50:28.000 Thanks for calling.

01:50:30.000 Bye.

01:50:31.000 You go, she's smart.

01:50:32.000 She's one of the best stalkers in the history of America. 1.00

01:50:36.000 I told that to my brother, too.

01:50:38.000 I was like, dude, you have a black friend.

01:50:40.000 Go into your office and say, this is my boyfriend.

01:50:43.000 Please don't tell anyone.

01:50:44.000 We're getting married.

01:50:46.000 And I don't want anyone to know that I'm gay and that this is my lover.

01:50:51.000 And you'll be unfireable.

01:50:54.000 And he was like, eh, I brought it up with him.

01:50:56.000 He told me to fuck off.

01:50:57.000 And I agree with him.

01:50:59.000 I was like, okay, I'm just trying to help.

01:51:05.000 John Kids.

01:51:10.000 What's up?

01:51:12.000 Hey guys, what's going on?

01:51:13.000 It's Canada Day.

01:51:17.000 Yeah, that's fucking gay. 0.73

01:51:18.000 I don't live in Canada, so I really don't give a shit.

01:51:20.000 That hurts.

01:51:21.000 You have hurt me today.

01:51:24.000 Well, I'm sorry.

01:51:26.000 I want to start off by saying the last caller.

01:51:30.000 If that voice doesn't give you a boner, I don't fucking know what voice does.

01:51:35.000 Yeah, I can tell she has a perfect ass, too. 1.00

01:51:38.000 She has little tits. 1.00

01:51:40.000 She's short. 0.83

01:51:40.000 She's 5'2 ⁇ . 0.83

01:51:42.000 She kind of has cankles, but who cares?

01:51:44.000 If you wear high heels, they disappear.

01:51:46.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:51:47.000 Right.

01:51:48.000 Who cares?

01:51:48.000 Fuck cankles.

01:51:49.000 That's for pussies. 1.00

01:51:50.000 Who gives a thick size?

01:51:53.000 A thick ass. 1.00

01:51:54.000 She's fun. 0.93

01:51:55.000 She's giggly. 1.00

01:51:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:51:57.000 Yeah, she had that vibe.

01:52:00.000 What a catch.

01:52:01.000 What a catch.

01:52:02.000 You might wake up and she's blowing you. 1.00

01:52:05.000 And you go, oh, thanks.

01:52:06.000 I mean, yeah, that would be a change of pace.

01:52:10.000 I want to be.

01:52:12.000 But anyway, so I just had a quick question.

01:52:15.000 I had sent an email, and I know you guys get like fucking half a second emails a day.

01:52:20.000 So I just figured I'd bring it up in call if I could get through.

01:52:25.000 I have three boys, one of which is like not even two weeks old.

01:52:32.000 And I sent an email about how to, I don't know if you have any tips on how to control your temper.

01:52:39.000 I have a fucking terrible temper.

01:52:42.000 Before I had kids, I thought I had patients.

01:52:44.000 Then I had kids, and I found that I have none.

01:52:49.000 And I just need, like counting to 10 doesn't, that's not me.

01:52:55.000 I can't, I've never been able to do that.

01:52:58.000 So do you have tips?

01:53:00.000 How do you keep your cool around your kids and, you know, not flip out?

01:53:05.000 I mean, mine will be six in August, and then I have a three and a half year old, and like I said, a two-week old.

01:53:12.000 So I don't need any advice because I don't want them to fucking hate me later in life because I flip out on them.

01:53:18.000 I mean, my dad, like my wife was really mad at me the other day because I yelled at my daughter for bleaching the carpet because she thought it would clean up this chocolate milk stain.

01:53:26.000 And I said some bad things to my daughter I deeply regret.

01:53:29.000 And she was like, my parents never yelled at me.

01:53:32.000 And I'm like, my dad didn't just yell at me.

01:53:35.000 He threw me.

01:53:36.000 Like I was being tossed around the house.

01:53:39.000 We always had, we have like a hundred holes.

01:53:42.000 One time he, this had nothing to do with me.

01:53:43.000 It's because his mom died and he was in a fight with my mom.

01:53:47.000 I was in my bedroom and his foot came into the room.

01:53:51.000 He kicked through his bedroom door and his foot emerged.

01:53:54.000 So we had broken doors everywhere.

01:53:57.000 Punching through the wall was totally normal.

01:53:58.000 He never laid a finger on my mom.

01:54:01.000 He was not abusive.

01:54:02.000 But he had this temper that I don't think is the end of the world.

01:54:05.000 It's not the end of the world to have a bad temper.

01:54:08.000 But obviously, yeah, you don't want to say horrible things to your kids or you don't want to scare the shit out of them.

01:54:13.000 But I've like destroyed kitchen chairs in front of the family.

01:54:17.000 And I fucking scare the shit out of them sometimes.

01:54:19.000 And I don't, you know, I don't really, I don't, I don't like smack them.

01:54:23.000 I mean, it's, it's funny.

01:54:25.000 My two kids now, I fucking, you know, I threaten to spank them or I will spank them. 1.00

01:54:30.000 And they look at me and go, that didn't hurt.

01:54:33.000 And I'm like, motherfucker.

01:54:35.000 Like, where do I go from here?

01:54:37.000 You know what I mean?

01:54:37.000 You want to do hurt?

01:54:38.000 Give me your form.

01:54:40.000 How's that for hurts?

01:54:44.000 I'm like, I mean, I could fucking make it hurt, but I don't want to, you know?

01:54:47.000 Like I said, I mean, I just, I just, I don't want to do any kind of long-term damage to them because I, you know, I lose my temper over stupid shit sometimes.

01:54:59.000 Corporal punishment doesn't work.

01:55:00.000 Spanking doesn't work. 1.00

01:55:02.000 I would do it if it worked.

01:55:03.000 It doesn't work.

01:55:04.000 They just go.

01:55:06.000 Pain is something that happens when you do something bad.

01:55:08.000 All right, I'll just take it.

01:55:09.000 It's like getting a tattoo or something.

01:55:11.000 It's irrelevant pain.

01:55:12.000 But here's my advice.

01:55:14.000 Leave. 0.99

01:55:15.000 But what do you do?

01:55:16.000 Leave. 0.99

01:55:18.000 Something terrible happens, your wife trivializes you or something.

01:55:21.000 You just go and you just walk out the front door.

01:55:24.000 You go for a walk.

01:55:25.000 You go get a beer.

01:55:26.000 I hope you have a dive bar within walking distance.

01:55:29.000 You get in the car.

01:55:30.000 You just drive away.

01:55:30.000 You come back five hours later.

01:55:32.000 You haven't said anything that you're going to regret.

01:55:34.000 And if you're in the car and this is going down, like I've punched the rearview mirror off the car where my kids are fighting in the back.

01:55:42.000 That took me like...

01:55:43.000 Oh, I fucking lose it.

01:55:44.000 I can't.

01:55:46.000 That's my biggest fucking problem is my kids have the highest pitched scream. 0.59

01:55:51.000 And for whatever reason, it fucking triggers something in me.

01:55:55.000 I want to kill them.

01:55:57.000 Yes.

01:55:58.000 When they scream.

01:55:59.000 In the car, you go, that's it.

01:56:02.000 And you stop the car, pull over, maybe you had a red light, get out.

01:56:07.000 Yeah.

01:56:07.000 Yeah, so now your wife can drive.

01:56:09.000 Now your wife can drive and you're gone. 1.00

01:56:13.000 And it's, holy shit, dad is fucking mad.

01:56:16.000 He left.

01:56:17.000 He's walking down the highway.

01:56:19.000 I think that's just as effective as, you know, screaming and punching holes in the wall.

01:56:25.000 And you haven't said anything you regret.

01:56:26.000 It's just like, don't fuck with dad or he'll disappear.

01:56:29.000 Not forever.

01:56:30.000 Don't ever fucking go sleep somewhere.

01:56:33.000 Because then if there's ever a divorce, it's like he abandoned the children and he set up shop somewhere else.

01:56:38.000 You only want to leave for like five or six hours.

01:56:41.000 But I think it's a great way to not do anything you regret as well.

01:56:44.000 Jesus Christ, I could see leaving for like a half an hour, but my fucking, my fiancé would, I would be, I would be in the fucking doghouse if I disappeared for five or six hours.

01:56:57.000 That's my problem.

01:56:58.000 Good.

01:56:58.000 Get in the doghouse.

01:56:59.000 She's in the doghouse.

01:57:00.000 She's in the doghouse.

01:57:02.000 She called you a pussy in front of your kids. 1.00

01:57:04.000 You have to be gone for four or five hours.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, I'm in a fucked up situation where.

01:57:15.000 And Ryan, I hope you're listening.

01:57:18.000 Congratulations on your little girl.

01:57:20.000 But, dude, I hope, I fucking hope that you mesh really well with your girl and that when you live with her, you don't find out that you guys have...

01:57:36.000 I mean, I think it's all women these days. 1.00

01:57:38.000 I mean, I'm 30 years old, so we're in the same age bracket, but I think they're all just fucking slobs, and they don't care.

01:57:44.000 They just care less.

01:57:46.000 And I'm not like that.

01:57:50.000 I'm going to stick around for my kids.

01:57:51.000 I'm not going to fucking walk out because I'm unhappy.

01:57:57.000 She's of different mind where it's like, oh, if one's happy, we should split up. 1.00

01:58:02.000 But I came from a fucking single-parent household, so I'm like, no, fuck that.

01:58:07.000 I'm not going anywhere.

01:58:08.000 But Ryan, good luck to you, man.

01:58:10.000 Thank you.

01:58:11.000 I wish you all the best.

01:58:13.000 And don't have any more kids.

01:58:15.000 Live with her for a few years, you know, a year or two, and fucking figure that shit out before you go.

01:58:22.000 All those issues.

01:58:24.000 All those issues, I think, would have came up by now.

01:58:27.000 Like, right, it doesn't take too long before you realize, because we've been living with each other for a while now.

01:58:31.000 So you would kind of realize the majority of the lifestyle things that bother each other, bother you or things that you do that bother her pretty quick.

01:58:41.000 So I think we've hammered a lot of that out.

01:58:44.000 But unless you're saying, like, after a year or something or a couple of years living together, then more problems arise.

01:58:50.000 And that sounds like maybe it's just a natural thing.

01:58:52.000 But I appreciate your...

01:58:56.000 Yeah, man.

01:58:57.000 I wish you the best.

01:58:58.000 I mean, really, I do.

01:58:59.000 I mean, I grew up pretty conservative and, you know, I fucked up and got a girl pregnant. 0.98

01:59:06.000 And now I was raised that, you know, I'm sticking around and fucking take care of my kids.

01:59:11.000 And that's exactly what I'm doing.

01:59:13.000 Well, make it work, dude.

01:59:14.000 And be assertive.

01:59:15.000 You know, you're driving this boat.

01:59:18.000 You're the captain of the ship.

01:59:19.000 And if it crashes or sinks, it's your fault.

01:59:24.000 I agree.

01:59:24.000 That's why I'm like, fuck this.

01:59:26.000 You define the rules and you don't fucking lose your temper on her.

01:59:29.000 All right.

01:59:30.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:59:31.000 And that is the end of the show.

01:59:35.000 Here we are celebrating Canada's independence, which apparently is fucking gay, according to some people.

01:59:40.000 Just one.

01:59:41.000 One guy.

01:59:43.000 You know, that guy, that last caller is having a rough time in his marriage.

01:59:48.000 He's got young kids.

01:59:50.000 Yeah, there's going to be rough times in the marriage.

01:59:53.000 This is the problem with divorce. 0.98

01:59:55.000 It's not as bad as it was with the boomers, but Gen X is better. 1.00

02:00:00.000 One of the reasons they don't get divorced is because they don't get married.

02:00:03.000 But you can have a rough time.

02:00:05.000 You can have a bad year.

02:00:06.000 You can have a bad couple years.

02:00:07.000 You don't have to be drenched with lust every time you see them.

02:00:12.000 It doesn't have to be your soulmate.

02:00:14.000 It's someone you have a lot in common with that's best for your kids.

02:00:19.000 You're best for the kids.

02:00:20.000 You're both starting a new universe together.

02:00:23.000 You're building a new planet with these kids.

02:00:27.000 So hang in there and make it work.

02:00:30.000 And don't expect fucking rainbows.

02:00:32.000 And if you're the dude and there's no rainbows, then don't let her institute some sort of divorce plan just because it's not a fucking relentless orgasm. 1.00

02:00:43.000 It's not a rave at Burning Man.

02:00:45.000 Just say, we got to get through this rough patch.

02:00:47.000 That's the way it has to go.

02:00:50.000 Don't get divorced.

02:00:52.000 It's cheaper to keep her.

02:00:57.000 Happy anniversary, Canada.

02:00:59.000 It's been, what, 1982?

02:01:03.000 80?

02:01:05.000 10?

02:01:06.000 30?

02:01:07.000 It's been 28 years you've been around, basically.

02:01:10.000 Oh, my God.

02:01:11.000 Yeah.

02:01:11.000 It's amazing.

02:01:13.000 Well, 50 years still.

02:01:16.000 But kind of 40 years.

02:01:19.000 Yeah, not 28, sorry.

02:01:21.000 82.

02:01:23.000 And you're doing a great job.

02:01:24.000 We love you.

02:01:25.000 We'll have a show tomorrow.

02:01:27.000 On Friday, we're going to start doing shows regularly, and then we have a July 4th show, even though we'll be partying upstate, lighting out fireworks.

02:01:35.000 We like you more than a friend.

02:01:36.000 And of course, don't forget to get fired.

02:01:44.000 Get in trouble.

02:01:46.000 Be brave.

02:01:48.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 07, 2021

GOML LIVE #105 - HAPPY CANADA DAY!

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