Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #42 - RYAN'S APARTMENT

00:00:12.000 Let's desert the Chizeau.

00:00:27.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:00:30.000 It's get off my log.

00:00:37.000 You gotta make the background something different, and you can see the nails that we made.

00:00:42.000 The way we made this thing stay taut is we uh T50 staple gunned it to a big piece of fucking wood.

00:00:50.000 Speaking of wood, Ryan, you got a lot of stuff to do here.

00:00:53.000 So while you do that, fix the green screen and adjust the camera, I guess.

00:00:59.000 I will say thank you for tuning in and welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:01:06.000 Thursday nights, 9 to 9.30 is free on podcasts and YouTube.

00:01:13.000 9.30 to 10 is behind the paywall and then 10 is also behind the paywall, sorry.

00:01:20.000 But we take calls from 10 to 11.

00:01:23.000 We do not take calls from non-subscribers.

00:01:27.000 But before we even start that, I want to talk to you about Johnny Appleseed, J-A-B-C-D.

00:01:36.000 Not to be confused, by the way, with Johnny Appleseed action or something.

00:01:44.000 There's this great YouTube interview I saw on the YouTube channel After Prison, where a guy was sentenced to 3.5 years for selling Disney tickets.

00:01:56.000 He got fired and he couldn't afford the Disney trip, so he just sold the tickets, six tickets.

00:02:01.000 But that was considered scalping, which is a felony somehow.

00:02:05.000 So he got six felonies, three and a half years.

00:02:08.000 So anyway, when he came out, he started this company also called Johnny Appleseed.

00:02:13.000 Well, this company is not called Johnny Appleseed.

00:02:15.000 It's Johnny Apple CBD.

00:02:17.000 And he teaches prisoners trades, which should be the world, should it not? 1.00

00:02:23.000 When my dad was young in Glasgow, you took your O levels when you're 14.

00:02:29.000 And if you are incredibly intelligent, then you go on to basically a private school and then college.

00:02:37.000 But if you're no, like most of us, then you get a trade.

00:02:42.000 And the ratio was the magic number, 95-5.

00:02:46.000 95 got a trade, 5 went to school.

00:02:50.000 5% of the population should take secondary education, but 100% of the population should go to johnnyapple.com.

00:02:58.000 We got the tinctures, great sleep.

00:03:00.000 We got the gummies, delicious.

00:03:01.000 We got the topicals, great for jump recovery.

00:03:04.000 And right now, my listeners get 20% off all orders if you use the promo code Gavin.

00:03:11.000 So that's jacbd.com.

00:03:14.000 20% off all orders.

00:03:17.000 JohnnyApple.com.

00:03:19.000 Same thing.

00:03:19.000 They got both URLs.

00:03:22.000 And it just sort of takes the edge off of life.

00:03:24.000 Not unlike this, by the way.

00:03:29.000 Which is delish.

00:03:30.000 Hey, I'm wearing a champion sweatshirt that Todd Snyder designed.

00:03:34.000 He used to design for J. Crew.

00:03:37.000 Can we do a Bud t-shirt?

00:03:40.000 Like Budweiser?

00:03:42.000 No, they would never fucking want to be part of my toxic brand.

00:03:49.000 All right, we've got a fun show for you today.

00:03:53.000 That was the first read of three that will happen before 9.30, and then we can all relax.

00:03:58.000 I was noticing we're seeing how untalented people are.

00:04:02.000 Even Fox News is sucking shitballs with lame graphics.

00:04:07.000 And I don't get the lame graphics.

00:04:09.000 Your guys have After Effects and Premiere at home.

00:04:13.000 So can't you just send them the footage in a, what do you call it, Dropbox?

00:04:19.000 We transfer.

00:04:20.000 We transfer, and then they can soup it up and send it back.

00:04:23.000 What's going on with you people?

00:04:25.000 God, you suck at this. 1.00

00:04:27.000 But we're also getting to see Home Studios, which is 1-3.

00:04:32.000 And they just, they're so fucking lazy and shitty and predictable.

00:04:41.000 What are you doing?

00:04:43.000 I'm turning more Canadian under a...

00:04:43.000 what are you doing there?

00:04:50.000 Is that like a 1920s Hollywood movie?

00:04:53.000 Like a lighting thing?

00:04:55.000 For Clark Gable to look gorgeous on a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

00:04:59.000 And what does that mean, by the way?

00:05:01.000 If you're this fucking retarded egg, Brian Stetler, or as Greg Gutfeld calls him, the turgid tattletale, are you saying that you love old-timey movies? 1.00

00:05:11.000 With your gross little... 0.99

00:05:15.000 He looks like a very lonely man.

00:05:17.000 And is this his bedroom?

00:05:19.000 Wait a minute, your bedroom has a 1920s Hollywood light?

00:05:24.000 Home porn with your boyfriend?

00:05:24.000 What's that for?

00:05:26.000 This is very depressing.

00:05:28.000 This was already pretty depressing, this little hideous egg.

00:05:32.000 Actually, we were decorating eggs today for Easter.

00:05:35.000 I think I'm going to make one, Brian Stettler, with some markers and pencil crayons.

00:05:40.000 Or what do you call them here in America?

00:05:42.000 Colored pencils?

00:05:43.000 All right, let's go down here.

00:05:46.000 Most symmetrical, Kristen Walker.

00:05:49.000 I think, who is this we're on right now?

00:05:51.000 Daily Caller?

00:05:52.000 BuzzFeed?

00:05:54.000 Washington Free Beacon?

00:05:55.000 You guys kind of stole this from me.

00:05:57.000 So I'm stealing it back.

00:05:59.000 I'm stealing it back.

00:06:01.000 I do a pretty good Gavin McInnis, don't I?

00:06:03.000 Oh, that was your impression of you.

00:06:05.000 So I'm stealing it back.

00:06:07.000 You guys suck.

00:06:09.000 The Gavin that you do of me is from like five years ago.

00:06:14.000 You might as well be doing John Travolta as Vinny Barberino and telling him it's him now.

00:06:20.000 It's a different guy.

00:06:21.000 I don't do this anymore.

00:06:22.000 A little bit.

00:06:23.000 Look at that background.

00:06:24.000 That's your camera, by the way.

00:06:26.000 That's cool.

00:06:28.000 I forget that I share the screen With everything.

00:06:31.000 Good thing it wasn't my emails.

00:06:32.000 That's a minor setback.

00:06:34.000 You'll notice it takes Ryan a little bit to get to himself and get good at it.

00:06:38.000 That's because in this studio, which we're about to show you, which is his apartment, we only have the one computer.

00:06:45.000 So he can't switch from that article to him, or you'll see his email and everything first.

00:06:51.000 Hello.

00:06:52.000 There he is.

00:06:54.000 There's that weird raced Cambodian, whatever the hell you are. 1.00

00:06:58.000 Basically a Hawaiian.

00:06:58.000 Polynesian black.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, Polynesian, like a makeshift Hawaiian. 0.60

00:07:02.000 Yeah, you're like a DIY.

00:07:04.000 DIY Polynesian.

00:07:06.000 DIY.

00:07:07.000 You're Puerto Rican and Japanese, so let's just call Japanese Asian. 0.99

00:07:07.000 I mean, what are you, right? 0.99

00:07:11.000 So you're basically sort of like a Pilipino.

00:07:15.000 Because the reason those Asians have asses is because they got fucked by the Spanish and they became Spanified. 1.00

00:07:21.000 So they're Spanified Asians like you. 0.99

00:07:24.000 Yeah, a lot of people ask me if I'm Filipino, but they're wrong, frankly.

00:07:28.000 It's my favorite kind of Asian chick.

00:07:30.000 You.

00:07:33.000 Now come down here.

00:07:34.000 You're going to see a lot of Filipino people, but you're also going to see a lot of Asians.

00:07:38.000 What do you think of Carol Baskin, Filipino King?

00:07:42.000 Carol Baskins is one of the worst women I've ever met. 1.00

00:07:45.000 First of all, she fundles millions of dollars into what she says is wildlife recovery.

00:07:49.000 Meanwhile, it just goes right into her bucket. 0.89

00:07:52.000 Right into her bucket? 0.99

00:07:54.000 She keeps her money in a bucket? 1.00

00:07:54.000 Yep. 1.00

00:07:56.000 Yeah, I mean, go figure.

00:07:59.000 Did you see that Trump was asked if he's going to pardon Tiger King?

00:08:02.000 Yeah, you thought he said no, but do you see the full clip?

00:08:05.000 Oh, he said he'll look into it.

00:08:07.000 Yes.

00:08:07.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 I mean, I'm trying to be ambivalent about it, but he did pay someone money.

00:08:14.000 He paid that super sketchy guy three grand to go kill someone.

00:08:17.000 That should get you what?

00:08:19.000 What should that get you?

00:08:20.000 Three years.

00:08:21.000 You know, I'm really anti-prison and stuff, but that's bad.

00:08:23.000 Thing is, he didn't set it all up.

00:08:26.000 Jeff Lowe did.

00:08:27.000 And so I don't think he would have gone through with it.

00:08:29.000 He gave him, apparently, I'll go back to me.

00:08:32.000 Apparently.

00:08:33.000 Hi.

00:08:34.000 Oh, look, I'm there.

00:08:35.000 Oh, this is weird.

00:08:35.000 Hi, little me.

00:08:38.000 That's retarded. 1.00

00:08:41.000 Yeah, so apparently that $3,000 wasn't for the hit.

00:08:45.000 It was to get Alan, that sketchy guy, to move off the property, go back home.

00:08:51.000 And to support that theory, he just had a fundraiser.

00:08:54.000 So that money was to send Alan off back home because he didn't want Alan around.

00:08:57.000 He only answered to Jeff.

00:08:59.000 So he was like, get this fucking Alan guy out of here.

00:09:00.000 So he donated $3,000 for him to move, not for the hit.

00:09:04.000 And there's text of that.

00:09:06.000 There's text proof of that.

00:09:07.000 Okay, so let me go back to the judge thing.

00:09:10.000 If you pay someone to whack someone, if they actually do it, you should get eight years.

00:09:21.000 If they don't do it, you should get four years.

00:09:26.000 But if there's no evidence that that was your plan, you should get fucking nothing.

00:09:30.000 And as far as killing the tigers, I don't give a shit.

00:09:32.000 Animals are losers.

00:09:34.000 I ate animals for lunch and for dinner tonight.

00:09:38.000 Why do you care about tigers so much?

00:09:42.000 I don't think you should eat bats, but that's not because I think they're wonderful little creatures.

00:09:46.000 All right, let's go back to Loserville.

00:09:49.000 Brian Stettler fucking turd.

00:09:52.000 Hey, look, I've got feedback happening.

00:09:53.000 Yeah, no, I'm trying to fix that.

00:09:56.000 So that's idiotic.

00:09:58.000 And when you're setting up your little stupid home, right, the lighting's pretty good there, but can't you see, like go into a photo booth or whatever and see what you look like and realize, oh, that's ridiculous, Kristen.

00:10:11.000 I shouldn't do that.

00:10:13.000 Anyway, she fucked up. 0.70

00:10:14.000 Who's next?

00:10:18.000 Most askew.

00:10:21.000 Does it say that?

00:10:22.000 Oh, it does.

00:10:23.000 Next.

00:10:25.000 Best pillows is Chris Cuomo.

00:10:28.000 I think these guys are kind of fey.

00:10:31.000 Here's a theory I just invented right now.

00:10:33.000 When their father was running for Mayor of New York City, he was running against Ed Koch.

00:10:38.000 And the motto was, vote for Cuomo, not the Homo. 0.51

00:10:42.000 Now, that may have been funny back then in whatever it was, the 80s, but that became a curse on the Cuomo family.

00:10:49.000 So their father was like, I'm not a homophobe.

00:10:52.000 I'm not a homophobe.

00:10:53.000 I'm not a homophobe.

00:10:53.000 This is like the son of the vote for Cuomo, not the Homo guy, right?

00:10:57.000 So they were so determined to distance themselves from their father, their homophobic father, that they became like freaky.

00:11:06.000 Because you know, if you have nipple rings, as Andrew Cuomo sure seems to have, you get pegged by your wife.

00:11:13.000 You're into toe sucking. 0.87

00:11:15.000 Like you do freaky shit.

00:11:16.000 No one is just like, I have nipple rings and I make love to my wife missionary style, but once every three weeks and I don't look at porn.

00:11:24.000 No.

00:11:25.000 You get spanked.

00:11:28.000 And not with a hand, with some sort of paddle.

00:11:31.000 Like he has a box under the bed with all kinds of sexual bric-a-brac.

00:11:37.000 So anyway, similarly, his brother Chris probably has a flair for design, people.

00:11:44.000 And that includes Gordon Gartrell white fur cushions.

00:11:48.000 What are you doing?

00:11:50.000 Looking for another mouse because I'm trying to see if I could utilize this computer here.

00:11:53.000 Okay, let's focus on the task at hand here.

00:11:56.000 That was him again.

00:11:56.000 Brian Stettler.

00:11:57.000 So we've already done him.

00:12:00.000 Oh, so then someone makes fun of him.

00:12:04.000 He moves that.

00:12:05.000 He still loves this 1920s Hollywood light, whatever the fuck that is.

00:12:09.000 And why is that in your bedroom?

00:12:11.000 When you're checking like the follicles of your bag and you want to see, is that for hemorrhoid exams?

00:12:17.000 Why would that be in your bedroom?

00:12:19.000 Is that an interrogation light?

00:12:21.000 Most bedrooms, their problem is they're missing lights.

00:12:25.000 Like there's not enough light.

00:12:26.000 It's kind of hard to read unless you bend the lamp.

00:12:28.000 You don't have this fucking Waco, Texas.

00:12:33.000 You guys come out with your hands up lights.

00:12:37.000 And then there's this, the carefully handcrafted.

00:12:40.000 First of all, I hate these chick bookshelves that are vertical.

00:12:45.000 They're so lame.

00:12:47.000 And you know, he sat there.

00:12:48.000 There's probably a whole hierarchy.

00:12:50.000 Like, you know how the KKK thinks like, I don't know exactly how it goes, but Jews, mulattoes, blacks, gays, like they have a whole hierarchy. 0.78

00:12:59.000 This is his, this is the best book ever.

00:13:02.000 This is probably like Black Lives Matter. 0.92

00:13:03.000 It's probably the same as the KKK's hierarchy of value, but in the opposite.

00:13:09.000 So this is probably like why, why Jews should win and so on down the line. 0.99

00:13:16.000 Why women matter, why the black vote is better than the white vote. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Anyway, that's fucking annoying.

00:13:22.000 He's a loser.

00:13:24.000 Most Midwestern.

00:13:26.000 I don't get that joke because she has one of those cake things. 0.96

00:13:31.000 What are those for?

00:13:32.000 To keep the cake fresh?

00:13:33.000 But there's air all around the cake.

00:13:35.000 Yeah, but you keep the bugs away.

00:13:37.000 Bugs?

00:13:37.000 Bugs will stick right in that air.

00:13:38.000 That's not a Midwestern thing.

00:13:40.000 They'll stick right in there.

00:13:41.000 Oh, you're going to Madison, Wisconsin.

00:13:42.000 Hope you're ready for some serious mosquitoes.

00:13:45.000 Yeah.

00:13:46.000 Dust.

00:13:48.000 Oh, the dusty Midwest.

00:13:50.000 That one annoyed me.

00:13:51.000 Next.

00:13:53.000 Most likely to be filming in upscale women's bathroom. 1.00

00:13:58.000 Dude, just get that out of there. 1.00

00:14:00.000 Maybe even take those down.

00:14:01.000 That would be fine if that was just white. 0.97

00:14:04.000 Keep going.

00:14:05.000 Most ostentatious display of a fancy vacuum.

00:14:08.000 This, of course, is the daughter of Zoe Tour, who was the helicopter driver for OJ when he was in the Bronco and later decided that he was too machismo.

00:14:21.000 So he removed his penis, made it into a vagina. 1.00

00:14:24.000 And we've shown you that operation and how easy it is to do.

00:14:27.000 Some of you could probably even do it at home.

00:14:29.000 Jazz Jennings appears to have done it herself.

00:14:32.000 And then he had boobs put in and he makes love to men. 1.00

00:14:36.000 He also lectures me on how I've ruined my reputation.

00:14:41.000 And she's not speaking to him.

00:14:43.000 But yeah, that is, I wouldn't say that's, you know who wrote this is fucking broke when they think it's ostentatious to have a Dyson hand vacuum.

00:14:51.000 Ooh, la-di-da. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Nice Rolex.

00:14:55.000 All right, what's next?

00:14:57.000 Most desperate for the world to know he has an Emmy.

00:15:00.000 I actually was very surprised to know that's the guy from Shark Tank, the Canadian dude, Hungarian name, who he just designed software.

00:15:07.000 Why does he have an Emmy?

00:15:08.000 Oh, for Shark Tank.

00:15:10.000 So all the judges get an Emmy?

00:15:13.000 It's kind of cheating.

00:15:14.000 Maybe the producer should get one.

00:15:18.000 That's another thing I just invented.

00:15:20.000 From now on, if a show wins an Emmy, it's just the person responsible.

00:15:25.000 So if Oprah wins an Emmy, she gets one.

00:15:28.000 Not Heron Makeup and the line producers.

00:15:30.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:15:32.000 It's like the Academy Award, right?

00:15:34.000 Not everyone involved in the movie gets it, just like the Brad Pitt.

00:15:39.000 Hungriest star.

00:15:41.000 You'll notice that they're all liberal, right?

00:15:43.000 She has a fucking half-eaten banana. 1.00

00:15:46.000 What is that?

00:15:47.000 Is that a banana peel or a banana that's untouched?

00:15:50.000 I think it's a peel.

00:15:51.000 I see inside of that banana.

00:15:53.000 Here's something else I just made up.

00:15:54.000 This is a very spontaneous episode.

00:15:56.000 I think women who enjoy bananas are sluts. 1.00

00:16:01.000 Next.

00:16:04.000 I mean, think about it.

00:16:06.000 Why do you have a fixation with such a phallic fruit?

00:16:09.000 It would be like if I was constantly eating out pomegranates.

00:16:13.000 You'd go, are you lonely?

00:16:14.000 Are you okay?

00:16:16.000 You'd think I was a perv.

00:16:17.000 think I had my nipples pierced. 0.59

00:16:18.000 You know Cuomo just...

00:16:24.000 And bananas.

00:16:26.000 And bananas.

00:16:28.000 Waspiest David Faber.

00:16:30.000 This person who's writing this article is white trash, and they're broke, and they've never had anything. 0.99

00:16:36.000 So they're kind of...

00:16:41.000 But yeah, that is kind of a queer thing to want to show off. 1.00

00:16:46.000 Next.

00:16:47.000 Oh my God, Ling Kent.

00:16:48.000 Joe Ling Kent.

00:16:50.000 I was on Red Eye with her.

00:16:51.000 She has enormous breasts. 0.99

00:16:54.000 I would murder my entire family, including my children, on Christmas Day, just to be able to motorboat her. 0.72

00:17:00.000 And I'm not proud of that.

00:17:01.000 That's a horrible feeling to have, but the feeling is here.

00:17:04.000 I'm just acknowledging it.

00:17:06.000 And what's her most problematic adherence to stereotypes about millennial women and house plants? 1.00

00:17:10.000 That joke sucked.

00:17:12.000 Rachel Solomon.

00:17:14.000 What's she?

00:17:15.000 Oh, that's the same one?

00:17:16.000 They all have that.

00:17:16.000 Yeah.

00:17:17.000 Millennia Women and Houseplants. 1.00

00:17:19.000 Millennial Women are usually such slobs that they don't have house plants. 1.00

00:17:23.000 They're all brown thumbs, and it's not from thumb-banging Andrew Cuomo.

00:17:29.000 Remember that?

00:17:30.000 Well, I shouldn't say remember that to you, but I remember before I was married, every time you'd go to a chick's house, it was like Dresden. 0.68

00:17:37.000 It was just, there was a mound of clothes on the ground that were clean.

00:17:37.000 Yeah.

00:17:41.000 Next, it was a mound of clothes that were dirty.

00:17:45.000 They were just like disgusting.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, everything wrong was that.

00:17:50.000 In fact, we'll get to that.

00:17:51.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:17:53.000 Wait, but it looks like a handsome John Lott.

00:17:57.000 What's this best wall art?

00:17:58.000 And I can't see the wall art.

00:18:00.000 Can you?

00:18:02.000 Is it like a football touchdown?

00:18:04.000 Oh, Jesus, that changed everything.

00:18:05.000 That's nuts.

00:18:07.000 That did not help at all.

00:18:09.000 No.

00:18:10.000 Sometimes you do that on a computer where you go Command Plus and it doesn't get bigger.

00:18:14.000 Yeah, it just sucks more.

00:18:16.000 It gets smaller.

00:18:17.000 Pretty curious, by the way.

00:18:20.000 Here we go.

00:18:22.000 We're going to pin this sucker down.

00:18:24.000 What is that?

00:18:25.000 Is that football shit?

00:18:27.000 Yeah, it looks like some kind of like some sort of baseball player's eating out a fellow player's ass.

00:18:33.000 I don't think there's eating out happening.

00:18:34.000 I think that might be some sort of football tackle thing.

00:18:37.000 I see, because I see gloves.

00:18:39.000 So do I, but it looks like he has thighs in his hand.

00:18:42.000 Yeah.

00:18:45.000 The old days when they, if you won the Super Bowl, one of your fellow players would stand on his hands and then he'd put his knees on your shoulder and you would go onto his butthole.

00:18:56.000 But it was seen as gay and they stopped doing it.

00:18:59.000 So now they just slap each other on the butt and say, good game.

00:19:01.000 Speaking of normal sex, if you're stuck at home with this disease, which we're not calling chink inpox, and we don't like when people do that, we call it COVID-19. 0.98

00:19:11.000 We don't call it kung flu, you might want to go to bluechew.com. 0.83

00:19:16.000 And I think a lot of people are drinking a lot.

00:19:18.000 They're having a bit of trouble with the erections when they get wasted, but their wife's ready to go, and that's a waste. 1.00

00:19:26.000 So you should have Blue Chew on the go.

00:19:29.000 Use promo Code Gavin, and my listeners get their first blue chew order free.

00:19:36.000 Vinny, the ad guy here, wants me to say that you can burn calories the old-fashioned way, not old-fashioned way, but old-fashioned way.

00:19:44.000 So, I guess by old-fashioned, he means like flappers and silly mustaches and double-breasted suits.

00:19:52.000 Bend over, you fuddy-duddy.

00:19:55.000 And you can have in your bedroom, you can have one of these old-timey lights that shines on the bed and really illuminates the fornication.

00:20:03.000 Let me rough you up from behind. 1.00

00:20:04.000 Blue Chew.com, promo code Gavin, and may all your ups and downs be between the sheets.

00:20:09.000 So, yes, we've discussed Blue Chew quite a few times.

00:20:12.000 And if you have a problem, obviously you need to have it.

00:20:14.000 But even if you don't have a problem, it should be there as insurance.

00:20:17.000 Have you ever seen this?

00:20:18.000 You know, when I first started going blind, you know, when you're 40, you don't know this as a young man, but the second you turn 40, you can't read anymore without reading glasses.

00:20:26.000 And an older gentleman who was like 50 said, yeah, it sucks.

00:20:30.000 No one tells you.

00:20:31.000 I don't know why no one tells you that.

00:20:32.000 But he goes, here, I'll give you a tip.

00:20:35.000 Buy like, they're pretty expensive.

00:20:36.000 They're like 20 bucks.

00:20:37.000 But buy about 10 pairs of reading glasses and put them in every room in the house, or you're going to spend the rest of your life looking for your reading glasses.

00:20:44.000 And I did that, and I cannot recommend it enough.

00:20:47.000 But similarly, I would recommend you have a blue chew in every room in the house, just in case the moment strikes and your lady friend says now, and you're either not in the mood or you've had too much to drink or something else.

00:20:58.000 All right.

00:20:59.000 Should we finish these horrible home studios and pathetic television that's been going on?

00:21:05.000 And look, I'm not bragging, but our show is 4% less good since this meltdown.

00:21:13.000 Most shows are, I'd say, 78% less good.

00:21:17.000 So that means that we're awesome.

00:21:20.000 And I don't brag.

00:21:21.000 I started suing the SPLC.

00:21:23.000 Hasn't even gone to court yet.

00:21:24.000 Their head of legal is gone.

00:21:26.000 The founder, Morris Dees, is gone.

00:21:28.000 Their CEO is gone.

00:21:30.000 Boom, boom, boom, all fired.

00:21:32.000 The whole place is shook upside down because of me.

00:21:35.000 Because of my lawsuit.

00:21:37.000 And I've barely dipped into your donations.

00:21:41.000 What's this?

00:21:42.000 Flashiest display of wealth earned through collaboration with a disgraced sex pest.

00:21:48.000 Am I supposed to get that?

00:21:49.000 This person must be British, by the way.

00:21:51.000 Sex pest is what they call pedophiles. 0.60

00:21:54.000 Huh.

00:21:56.000 That one sucked.

00:21:58.000 Saddest attempt by a boomer to seem cool.

00:22:00.000 That's for Jimi Hendrix.

00:22:01.000 Led Zeppelin.

00:22:03.000 Well, isn't that the music he grew up on, though?

00:22:05.000 Yeah.

00:22:06.000 So, I mean.

00:22:07.000 Yeah, that's his generation's art.

00:22:10.000 Yeah, that's kind of a lame one to say.

00:22:11.000 Like, this old guy is trying to seem young and hip by liking a guy who died 50 years ago.

00:22:19.000 Jimi Hendrix probably died in 1974.

00:22:22.000 He identifies with the music he grew up listening to.

00:22:24.000 Yeah.

00:22:25.000 Oh, you like early Led Zeppelin?

00:22:27.000 Dude, you were 20 when they were early.

00:22:30.000 Fuck do you know about Led Zeppelin?

00:22:33.000 Even sadder?

00:22:34.000 No, no, that's not so bad.

00:22:35.000 If you want to see Sad, I think you should check out Ryan's apartment.

00:22:35.000 Okay.

00:22:38.000 He nicknamed it the Fag Zone.

00:22:40.000 I did not name it the Fez Zone Zone.

00:22:41.000 And I don't know who he has over here, but it is a disgusting shithole that I now work in.

00:22:46.000 I don't commute to Manhattan anymore.

00:22:49.000 Every day, I get on my bicycle and I ride up to the Fag Zone. 1.00

00:22:54.000 So I thought you should probably see what it's like in here.

00:22:57.000 So we made you a mini documentary that is not unlike, what are those NPR ones?

00:23:03.000 Ken Burns.

00:23:04.000 This is like a Ken Burns documentary.

00:23:06.000 It's about our home studio.

00:23:08.000 Like a tiny desk.

00:23:12.000 Starts with his growth.

00:23:14.000 Wait, just look at his slumlord door.

00:23:16.000 Now, just to, this isn't really his slumlord's fault. 0.81

00:23:21.000 Ryan once was with the chick, and he gave her his jacket because she was cold and she was retarded and didn't have a jacket on in the winter. 0.99

00:23:28.000 And then he got home.

00:23:29.000 He went, uh-oh, I don't have my keys.

00:23:31.000 And she didn't go, hmm, I'll check the pockets of the coat you gave me.

00:23:34.000 So he checks both his pockets, all two of his pockets, and he goes, oh, well, I guess I don't have my keys.

00:23:42.000 Broke his own door down.

00:23:44.000 His steel door.

00:23:46.000 He smashed it.

00:23:47.000 With your shoulders?

00:23:47.000 How did you do that?

00:23:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:49.000 And what was the cost to fix that?

00:23:52.000 $350, I believe.

00:23:54.000 No.

00:23:54.000 $375?

00:23:55.000 No, I believe it was $800.

00:23:56.000 Was it?

00:23:57.000 Yeah.

00:24:00.000 Yeah, but maybe I paid in installments or something.

00:24:02.000 Oh, okay, then it wasn't $800.

00:24:04.000 If it was only $400 twice, then it was just $400.

00:24:08.000 And then later, $400.

00:24:09.000 That's not $800.

00:24:11.000 Yeah.

00:24:11.000 You crazy?

00:24:13.000 Was it $800?

00:24:14.000 Amen.

00:24:16.000 Amen.

00:24:20.000 That's close.

00:24:21.000 You want to come in?

00:24:22.000 Yeah.

00:24:23.000 There's a bike they gave him.

00:24:24.000 He let the tires go flat.

00:24:25.000 I bought this bike just out of the goodness of my heart.

00:24:28.000 Now, you might also notice he lives in a shithole called the Fag Zone. 1.00

00:24:32.000 It's not called the Fag Zone.

00:24:33.000 I don't underpay him.

00:24:34.000 I pay him very well, but he's 30 and he buys things like expensive cigars and Brooks Brothers suits, even though he's 12 grand in debt.

00:24:43.000 So this apartment could be a nice, it's a, what, a one-bedroom?

00:24:47.000 It could be nice.

00:24:49.000 Sandwich.

00:24:50.000 Could be.

00:24:50.000 We haven't seen it yet.

00:24:51.000 Bike? 1.00

00:24:52.000 It's not.

00:24:53.000 Why does this light in this vault not fixed?

00:24:56.000 That's true.

00:24:58.000 I don't know.

00:24:59.000 I need a ladder.

00:25:01.000 You don't have a ladder.

00:25:02.000 Ladder.

00:25:02.000 What does every G-O-M-L start with?

00:25:05.000 Me using our studio's ladder that we brought in.

00:25:10.000 It's an integral part of every day of your life.

00:25:12.000 And you're like, I don't have a ladder to change the light.

00:25:16.000 Unbelievable.

00:25:18.000 So we're two steps into your house and we're already drowning in negligence.

00:25:22.000 You have a bike with flat tires and you take Ubers instead.

00:25:25.000 And then you have this burnt out light.

00:25:27.000 I don't UB.

00:25:28.000 I rode that thing till the wheels popped.

00:25:32.000 So you have a ladder.

00:25:33.000 I don't have a light.

00:25:34.000 Why don't you get a light bulb?

00:25:37.000 Quarantine.

00:25:40.000 He's holding a sandwich that he just walked outside and bought.

00:25:43.000 And he's like, quarantine, can't get outside.

00:25:47.000 I think I know why it's called the fag zone because there's a giant idiotic fag in it. 1.00

00:25:54.000 Adult male.

00:25:55.000 Adult males fix their lights when they burn out.

00:25:59.000 I don't really need it, but I don't spend much time there.

00:26:02.000 Great point.

00:26:03.000 This is Ryan's bedroom.

00:26:06.000 This is an unflattering.

00:26:07.000 So you did show the studio?

00:26:08.000 You jumped ahead to this?

00:26:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:11.000 It was just a pass.

00:26:12.000 I was trying to make it as quick as possible because we were trying to keep it short.

00:26:16.000 So Ryan has a living room, which we're in right now.

00:26:20.000 I don't know why you didn't show that.

00:26:21.000 It's really just this the green screen, right?

00:26:24.000 And then he has a kitchen and a bedroom.

00:26:26.000 So we're in his bedroom now.

00:26:28.000 Which could be great.

00:26:31.000 Could be great.

00:26:32.000 Didn't I give you this too?

00:26:33.000 Yeah, the TV.

00:26:34.000 You gave me that chest.

00:26:36.000 Didn't I mount it?

00:26:40.000 Anyway, I'm not sure.

00:26:41.000 I think you helped me mount.

00:26:42.000 Like, what the fuck is in this?

00:26:44.000 What the fuck?

00:26:45.000 Oh, those?

00:26:46.000 Yeah.

00:26:46.000 That's how you store your cufflinks.

00:26:48.000 No, there's coins.

00:26:49.000 Coins.

00:26:50.000 There's tchotchkis. 1.00

00:26:51.000 There's wires.

00:26:52.000 There's like, you know, batteries.

00:26:54.000 Roll that out.

00:26:55.000 No.

00:26:57.000 Where else am I going to put my hand on?

00:26:58.000 The chesco.

00:26:59.000 Oh, that.

00:26:59.000 That's it there.

00:27:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:01.000 His chest of drawers is literally a chest.

00:27:04.000 I like it.

00:27:04.000 Yes.

00:27:07.000 This is disgusting.

00:27:09.000 How so?

00:27:11.000 You look like the chicks I used to bone. 0.86

00:27:14.000 I look like them or I both.

00:27:16.000 Your room looks like them and you look like them.

00:27:19.000 That's all this luxury.

00:27:20.000 Same height.

00:27:22.000 Never seen a teenage girl's room before.

00:27:24.000 Can you take us on a little tour?

00:27:27.000 Where'd you get that?

00:27:28.000 It's a hat.

00:27:28.000 What's this?

00:27:29.000 Oh, that's a, you know, like a tapestry, but a small, small.

00:27:36.000 A small tapestry?

00:27:37.000 What are your Sean Connery now?

00:27:39.000 That's a small tapestry.

00:27:39.000 You have two Sean Capital.

00:27:41.000 Where'd you get it?

00:27:42.000 Like, did you roll that up and that was actually a gift?

00:27:46.000 One of my friends got that for me because I was like, I wanted to cover my windows or something.

00:27:50.000 Not for nothing.

00:27:50.000 I got you a tapestry of a purple sunset.

00:27:55.000 I think it's for the fag zone. 1.00

00:27:57.000 I think I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something.

00:28:00.000 So somebody hooked me up.

00:28:01.000 I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something.

00:28:04.000 Yeah, but not for this house.

00:28:05.000 It's for my old place.

00:28:06.000 Do you believe what I have to live with?

00:28:09.000 This is my guitar.

00:28:11.000 Very nice guitar.

00:28:12.000 It's a Martin.

00:28:13.000 Fat chick bought that for him. 0.98

00:28:17.000 It's possible.

00:28:18.000 Could you sing songs?

00:28:20.000 And they buy him nice gifts.

00:28:24.000 There was a half.

00:28:26.000 Mother, tell your children not to. 0.97

00:28:29.000 No.

00:28:30.000 Here's this area I have.

00:28:32.000 Here's this area.

00:28:33.000 You're a great host that I have.

00:28:36.000 We should switch jobs.

00:28:37.000 Here's an area that I have.

00:28:38.000 Here's an area that I have.

00:28:41.000 Some Purel.

00:28:42.000 So you sit.

00:28:43.000 Why do you have a mask at your little desk here?

00:28:45.000 Well, in case I got to up and go.

00:28:47.000 Now I got my scan.

00:28:48.000 That's classic Ryan right there.

00:28:49.000 That's a lie, right?

00:28:51.000 But he wants to have an answer right away so he doesn't look stupid.

00:28:54.000 So he goes, oh, this is my get up and go.

00:28:56.000 So I always have it here because this is where I do my work sometimes.

00:28:59.000 And then I'll just grab it and go.

00:29:00.000 Or like with the light bulb, I go, why is that still burnt out?

00:29:02.000 And he goes, oh, I don't have a ladder.

00:29:04.000 Like, I got to have an answer.

00:29:05.000 He talks to people like he's talking to cops who have a flashlight in his face and he has to come up with something.

00:29:12.000 My prevention and my weapon.

00:29:16.000 Yeah.

00:29:17.000 That's the input so that way I can record my musics.

00:29:20.000 Vape juice.

00:29:22.000 I've got tea.

00:29:23.000 I offered you a $2,000 couch and you said, no, you prefer this because you built it.

00:29:29.000 It's a piece of shit for my kids.

00:29:31.000 You could have had a designer couch.

00:29:33.000 It's $500, this bad boy.

00:29:36.000 I had to put her together myself.

00:29:37.000 Sometimes that slips out.

00:29:39.000 It's a real problem.

00:29:39.000 My great grandmother, my non-autonomous.

00:29:42.000 If people enjoying this as little as I am, I could look at the chat, the Discord chat, in a minute.

00:29:48.000 My little.

00:29:51.000 What's this weird rock?

00:29:53.000 What rock?

00:29:55.000 That rock there.

00:29:57.000 On top of that.

00:29:58.000 You got a laundry machine in your house.

00:29:59.000 Why don't you just do your fucking laundry?

00:30:02.000 Yeah, I'm going to.

00:30:03.000 I let it build up.

00:30:04.000 I still have tons of clothes left.

00:30:08.000 That's weird.

00:30:09.000 That's a Himalayan sea salt lamp.

00:30:11.000 It's a Himalayan sea salt lamp, he says.

00:30:14.000 Yeah.

00:30:15.000 It's an HSS L L. Thanks.

00:30:20.000 See, my favorite joke is doing acronyms, but you're so stupid that you can't do them.

00:30:24.000 One day.

00:30:25.000 If it was a three-letter, three-part word, that'd be funny.

00:30:28.000 You can't even say that.

00:30:29.000 You get mood lighting here.

00:30:31.000 If you could just demonstrate.

00:30:32.000 Here, hit the light.

00:30:35.000 You should fast forward.

00:30:36.000 This is painful.

00:30:37.000 Go to the kitchen.

00:30:38.000 This is the mood lighter.

00:30:39.000 He has four turns on.

00:30:40.000 Yeah, I don't want to watch this anymore, right?

00:30:42.000 Can you fast forward to the kitchen?

00:30:44.000 This is embarrassing.

00:30:45.000 You've got some shows...

00:30:48.000 He shows us some toilet paper he got on Amazon, which is small.

00:30:52.000 What do we got?

00:30:55.000 I'm a Pop-Tart cereal kind of.

00:30:58.000 So that's what I got there?

00:31:00.000 That's racist epithet.

00:31:02.000 What's this?

00:31:03.000 This is a...

00:31:05.000 This is bread.

00:31:06.000 I'm letting it ferment.

00:31:07.000 Now, I will say, I will see you wonder bread.

00:31:08.000 We're on YouTube.

00:31:11.000 I'm impressed that you make bread.

00:31:12.000 Emily and I have been trying to make it, my wife and I, and it's disgusting what we've made.

00:31:16.000 And I saw the previous loaf you made, and it looked like wonder bread.

00:31:20.000 Like, it looked like it's factory-made bread.

00:31:22.000 The thing is, you have to be strict about the measurements.

00:31:26.000 It's a science, not an art.

00:31:28.000 Like, cooking is.

00:31:28.000 Baking is.

00:31:31.000 You got to stick to those measurements.

00:31:32.000 So maybe she's not being accurate with the amount of milk or whatever?

00:31:35.000 She may be.

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 It's very little milk.

00:31:38.000 It was like a quarter cup.

00:31:40.000 Yeah, I don't use any milk.

00:31:42.000 I use butter, salt, sugar, yeast, water, dough.

00:31:46.000 I mean, flour.

00:31:47.000 That's it.

00:31:48.000 Why do you have the cadence of the president right now?

00:31:51.000 I use sugar.

00:31:53.000 We all know sugar. 0.99

00:31:55.000 All right, let's keep going.

00:31:56.000 How do you make bread?

00:31:57.000 See, you brought my peanut butter whiskey home.

00:32:00.000 Yeah.

00:32:01.000 The great thing about peanut butter whiskey is it lasts for years because no one wants it.

00:32:06.000 There's actually another bottle back at the studio.

00:32:08.000 I got multiple bottles from the guy named John.

00:32:10.000 From the guy named John.

00:32:11.000 I do sound like Trump.

00:32:12.000 From the guy.

00:32:13.000 His name is John.

00:32:14.000 Guy named John.

00:32:15.000 Yeah, he got me like three of those.

00:32:18.000 Flour?

00:32:19.000 I was on a Proud Boy chat recently, and we often show the drinks that we're having, and we're like, hey, boys, have a swig for me.

00:32:19.000 You could use short.

00:32:26.000 This is from England.

00:32:27.000 Yeah.

00:32:28.000 And some guy, it's usually Makersmark Bud, normal stuff.

00:32:31.000 And then some guy was like, ready to rip into this.

00:32:34.000 And it was that.

00:32:35.000 What's it called?

00:32:35.000 Screwball?

00:32:36.000 Yeah.

00:32:37.000 Peanut butter whiskey.

00:32:39.000 You want to do another read and finish this?

00:32:40.000 I'd rather eat out a quarterback's butt after he got a touchdown. 0.99

00:32:44.000 A quarterback's butt. 0.55

00:32:47.000 We're at 30 minutes right now.

00:32:49.000 You know, I know.

00:32:50.000 It's an art, not a science.

00:32:52.000 There's a whole bunch of different recipes.

00:32:54.000 I mean, I had to find one that just with my limited ingredients, because here's what I really, this is all my baking section here.

00:33:01.000 I have rice and egg noodles.

00:33:03.000 You know, butter pastas and the other ones.

00:33:04.000 This is flour.

00:33:06.000 You can see my eyes this way.

00:33:07.000 You know, I have rice.

00:33:08.000 I heard you.

00:33:09.000 Pancake batter.

00:33:11.000 But I don't know if the audience heard.

00:33:13.000 You know, in individual bags.

00:33:15.000 So they keep all fresh.

00:33:17.000 So the flour stays fresh, just in case.

00:33:21.000 Does flour go bad?

00:33:22.000 Just pause.

00:33:22.000 He keeps his flour fresh because you know how flour goes bad.

00:33:25.000 Don't you hate that?

00:33:26.000 When you go to get your flour and it's all rotten, it's curdled.

00:33:29.000 No.

00:33:30.000 Curdled, disgusting, gross, rotten, stiff flour covered in mold.

00:33:37.000 I explain.

00:33:38.000 Moisture.

00:33:39.000 Moisture.

00:33:41.000 How many times roughly have you come across rotten flour in your life?

00:33:45.000 Not rotten, but exposed to the elements.

00:33:47.000 I'm not one for that.

00:33:48.000 I don't want to give any sort of bug any reason to be.

00:33:52.000 There's no bugs here.

00:33:53.000 I know, but I don't know what it is.

00:33:56.000 We're turning into an old couple of fags in the fag zone. 0.99

00:33:59.000 He has sugar that he takes out of the box because one time his sugar was gone faster than he thought.

00:34:06.000 And he thought, hmm, I know what happened.

00:34:09.000 Roaches got in here, ate it all.

00:34:11.000 No, turned it to shit.

00:34:13.000 That's why.

00:34:14.000 So they've been feasting on it.

00:34:15.000 He's never seen a roach in his apartment once, ever.

00:34:17.000 So he goes, not falling for that again.

00:34:19.000 Invisible cockroaches.

00:34:20.000 So he pours his sugar out of the box into a Ziploc bag, then puts that into the fridge.

00:34:28.000 Yeah.

00:34:29.000 So the roaches are outside the fridge going, oh, fuck.

00:34:32.000 This guy's good.

00:34:34.000 Go to another apartment, buds.

00:34:36.000 Humid in here or something like that.

00:34:37.000 It gets clumpy.

00:34:38.000 Let's see your fridge.

00:34:43.000 Is that a good idea?

00:34:43.000 Okay.

00:34:46.000 So I have defrosting some beef and chicken beer in that.

00:34:50.000 Beef and chicken.

00:34:51.000 Sugar.

00:34:53.000 Budweiser.

00:34:55.000 Water.

00:34:56.000 And then what's going on with your freezer?

00:34:56.000 That's my brother.

00:34:58.000 Let's go box of Budweiser and go.

00:35:00.000 Budweiser?

00:35:01.000 From hot ones.

00:35:03.000 My hot sauce.

00:35:05.000 Do you like to taste the little cribs?

00:35:06.000 Nope.

00:35:07.000 How about the first one?

00:35:08.000 Exactly like Logan Paul's.

00:35:10.000 I got steak.

00:35:11.000 I got coffee.

00:35:12.000 I got plug rate awakening premium coffee.

00:35:16.000 So not unlike here.

00:35:18.000 The first thing we toured gets real bold.

00:35:21.000 I didn't get to show you my $200 knife.

00:35:24.000 So maybe we should sign out.

00:35:28.000 Got some coffee, some pots.

00:35:31.000 Yeah, I think my instincts are correct.

00:35:33.000 All right, let's go.

00:35:36.000 This is it.

00:35:37.000 We're done.

00:35:38.000 This is the podcast.

00:35:39.000 And people complain to me that the podcast isn't as involved and deep and long, kind of like my genitalia, anymore.

00:35:51.000 And it's just, it's too quick.

00:35:52.000 And then you got these ads.

00:35:54.000 You're complaining with something you're getting for free.

00:35:57.000 If you can hear this, then it's free to you.

00:36:00.000 When we do the paywall, there's no ads.

00:36:04.000 And we deep dive into something this week.

00:36:06.000 We had Roger Stone on, deep dove into the JFK assassination because he can't talk about his imminent device.

00:36:15.000 We went through all the talk show hosts and how terrible their home shows are and how unfunny and talentless they are.

00:36:21.000 That's all behind the paywall.

00:36:23.000 But in front of the paywall, you got to suffer and we don't give you a lot of juice.

00:36:28.000 Speaking of terrible, Vinny the admin has written us a script for this reread of the JA CBD.

00:36:34.000 Oh, that's going to be tough because I have to utilize multiple items.

00:36:39.000 Well, I'll just do both parts then.

00:36:40.000 Okay.

00:36:41.000 Jenny Apple's CBD.

00:36:43.000 This is the best CBD in the world.

00:36:45.000 Okay.

00:36:46.000 Tremendous, people.

00:36:48.000 Tremendous.

00:36:49.000 Lovely products.

00:36:51.000 The selection is huge.

00:36:51.000 Okay.

00:36:54.000 The gummies, the topicals, the tincture.

00:36:57.000 Okay.

00:36:58.000 Great tinctures.

00:36:59.000 Great tinctures.

00:37:00.000 And then I say, and right now my listeners get 20% off all orders.

00:37:04.000 Just go to jacbd.com and use promo code Gavin.

00:37:08.000 And then Ryan goes, 20% off?

00:37:11.000 Huge.

00:37:12.000 That's huge.

00:37:13.000 Go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.

00:37:17.000 And now Ryan is meant to say, I like Johnny Apple more than a friend, okay?

00:37:23.000 I like Johnny Apple more than a friend.

00:37:27.000 By the way, now that we're going behind the paywall, Bubba and Hanks, $50 gift card to the first caller.

00:37:36.000 So I would call now and get on hold if I were you.

00:37:40.000 All GML listeners get 15% off Bubba and Hanks, the promo code Gavin.

00:37:45.000 Okay.

00:37:46.000 Goodbye.

00:37:47.000 Get in trouble.

00:37:47.000 Get fired.

00:37:48.000 Be brave.

00:37:49.000 never stop fighting.

00:37:52.000 ...

00:38:06.000 You know what I just remembered?

00:38:07.000 Back in Vice days, Shane, bullshitter Shane would say, he was annoyed that I was always hogging the spotlight.

00:38:15.000 And he'd say, yeah, yeah, yeah, this isn't that.

00:38:17.000 Okay.

00:38:18.000 This isn't the Gavin show.

00:38:20.000 Vice is not the Gavin show.

00:38:21.000 Not everything we do has to be the Gavin show, all right?

00:38:25.000 I've heard that before.

00:38:26.000 And I was like, what, you think I want everything to be the Gavin show?

00:38:30.000 You think that my vocation, if it was up to me, would just be like the Gav talking to people on a camera and begging for attention? 0.96

00:38:40.000 Okay?

00:38:41.000 Now I've heard everything.

00:38:44.000 But meanwhile, this is the Gavin show.

00:38:50.000 Ryan, if you explain another joke of mine, I am going to fucking impale you on that broom from the ass up to the mouth and then spin you around like I'm roasting a pig, but instead I'll be taking a shit on you.

00:39:03.000 Oh my god.

00:39:05.000 Like a diarrhea.

00:39:07.000 So as you rotate, it goes around you in swirls.

00:39:09.000 That's painful.

00:39:10.000 Oh, you'll be dead by that point.

00:39:12.000 Did you ever hear a broom pole that went up your ass and came out your mouth?

00:39:16.000 When you were took off a day of school, when you got back into the class, did they let you know that the class was quieter and more behaved without you?

00:39:25.000 Yeah.

00:39:27.000 Well, not really, because I was so loud and such a pain in the ass.

00:39:29.000 I was in the retard class. 0.65

00:39:31.000 I got into the retard class after third grade. 0.99

00:39:34.000 Oh, you beat me?

00:39:35.000 We talked about this.

00:39:37.000 And did you see it there?

00:39:38.000 Because I was only in it for eighth grade.

00:39:40.000 Two grades.

00:39:40.000 And then in high school, it was a fresh start.

00:39:43.000 Yeah, it was two grades.

00:39:44.000 It was third and fourth because I peed on the desk in front of my girlfriend Zakia.

00:39:50.000 For the record, folks, Ryan went to school in the Bronx, where a giant black woman were his teachers, and there was no checks and balances, which is not unlike the Bronx of today, of course. 0.85

00:40:01.000 And the punishment for bad boys was to take them to a room with a bed in it and not rape them, but similarly, something similar, they would sit on them.

00:40:12.000 They would give you the old Lizzo.

00:40:14.000 Lizzo would sit on Ryan to punish him.

00:40:17.000 Yeah, Miss Sanders.

00:40:17.000 Would she read a book while she was on you or just...

00:40:22.000 Would you be like, oh, okay, I gotta breathe, I gotta breathe.

00:40:24.000 I feel like she was doing something casual, just like knitting.

00:40:28.000 This is pre-IP.

00:40:28.000 Yeah.

00:40:29.000 Until you calm down, and then you're good.

00:40:32.000 All right, we don't talk about Corona on this show, but some of the jokes are obviously going to come from Corona Town.

00:40:40.000 Like this awesome guy, 1-1, who we tried this in the kitchen, by the way.

00:40:48.000 The kitchen you just saw, Ryan tried to do this.

00:40:50.000 It's impossible.

00:40:51.000 is way harder than it looks and it looks pretty hard.

00:41:07.000 Damn, that double at the end. 0.62

00:41:09.000 Double microwave thing at the end.

00:41:11.000 By the way, this isn't in my notes, but I have become obsessed with Bob Menery on Instagram.

00:41:17.000 He is a gift from God.

00:41:20.000 And he has the most talent.

00:41:22.000 What is taking you so long?

00:41:24.000 If you must know.

00:41:25.000 So when you get too close to the top, see how that thing comes down?

00:41:28.000 Now you have to wait for that to go away.

00:41:30.000 Okay.

00:41:31.000 I tried to click.

00:41:32.000 I tried.

00:41:32.000 I really tried.

00:41:33.000 The clicking isn't.

00:41:34.000 We used to think Trump is the best at saying fucking.

00:41:38.000 He's got a rival.

00:41:39.000 His name is Bob Menery, and he is better at saying fuck than anyone in the world.

00:41:43.000 Perfect example is this one.

00:41:45.000 This is the best use of fucking you'll ever hear in your life.

00:41:52.000 He chugged some beers last game.

00:41:54.000 The guy loves to rage, obviously.

00:41:56.000 And he's back at it again.

00:41:58.000 The first beer goes down the gullet with ease.

00:42:00.000 He's looking at number two, and he fucking leaps with the pussy. 1.00

00:42:05.000 Leap down the gullet.

00:42:06.000 Look at this.

00:42:07.000 He is saying, I protect you every single game.

00:42:14.000 Rogers.

00:42:15.000 I don't know what he's doing.

00:42:16.000 Has he got a fucking limitation?

00:42:18.000 Rogers is going through.

00:42:19.000 That is not good.

00:42:21.000 Rogers can barely get through half the cup.

00:42:23.000 He's going to give up.

00:42:24.000 And once he would box the body.

00:42:25.000 He's going to die and not finish the beer in that.

00:42:29.000 Fall off.

00:42:30.000 I can chug a beer.

00:42:31.000 I can't do it like that.

00:42:32.000 I've never been able to do those, though.

00:42:34.000 Yeah, they always say open your throat.

00:42:34.000 Really?

00:42:36.000 I hate when they say that.

00:42:37.000 Oh, it's easy.

00:42:39.000 Keep going.

00:42:40.000 It's easy, Ton.

00:42:43.000 You want to chug a beer?

00:42:44.000 We don't have any more beers.

00:42:46.000 Because you keep them in the box.

00:42:46.000 Oh, I thought you.

00:42:48.000 I want to see more.

00:42:50.000 He puts up a lot of shit.

00:42:51.000 Oh, this one's a good one, too.

00:42:56.000 And base is loaded.

00:42:57.000 Nobody out.

00:42:58.000 Slapper, left side. 0.84

00:42:59.000 And nice play by the third baseman.

00:43:02.000 Digging his way to first overthrown.

00:43:04.000 And number 10 forgot to run.

00:43:07.000 God damn it.

00:43:08.000 Every time in this fucking sport, Peter, brown ball to the fucking finally, we think we're going to see some action.

00:43:16.000 Why'd you turn the fucking volume off, Tar?

00:43:18.000 It's a replay.

00:43:19.000 Yeah, I mean, the video is replay, but the audio is new.

00:43:23.000 Have you ever watched sports before?

00:43:24.000 Do you know what a replay is?

00:43:30.000 Holy shit, you suck.

00:43:32.000 Okay, keep going down.

00:43:35.000 I think I know all of these.

00:43:37.000 Let's go up a little bit.

00:43:42.000 Please don't ruin it like you ruin everything in the fag zone. 1.00

00:43:45.000 Well, Peter, you see here.

00:43:47.000 Look at this ball boy in the background.

00:43:48.000 Collects his balls like his job is supposed to be.

00:43:51.000 Then he runs into the fucking wall.

00:43:53.000 Nose plant.

00:43:54.000 Doesn't disturb the tennis player one more time.

00:43:57.000 Look at fucking Gooey Head go right into the wall and then tennis is back.

00:44:01.000 Well, Peter, you see here.

00:44:03.000 Look at this ball boy in the background.

00:44:04.000 I first discovered him through John Joseph, the singer of the Cro-Mags. 0.90

00:44:07.000 He's got a cool Instagram.

00:44:08.000 He's a surprisingly funny guy.

00:44:10.000 New York hardcore dudes, like sick of it all, they are surprisingly funny.

00:44:14.000 Even Paul Scheer of Sheer Terror, who won't shut up about the Proud Boys and how he doesn't support them at their shows and they're racist and blah, blah, blah.

00:44:26.000 Meanwhile, we're not.

00:44:28.000 And Paul Shear, I remember seeing him Zeke hiling out front of handsome Dick Manitobas, which I got was funny and I got the joke and he was just trying to be offensive.

00:44:37.000 But for that same person to be a total prima donna about offensive behavior is just fucking ridiculous.

00:44:44.000 But anyway, while checking out Bob Menery, he turned me on to these guys, Nelk Boys, which is a Canadian and two Americans who now that school is on Zoom, it's too time consuming to say, all right, class, we're doing this at four o'clock, but I need to verify all of you first.

00:45:04.000 So email me, blah, blah, blah, and then I'll make sure you're actually in the class.

00:45:08.000 That would take forever.

00:45:09.000 So there's no verification going on.

00:45:11.000 They just announce the class and 99.999% of the time, just the students show up.

00:45:18.000 But these guys have been going into these classes and just fucking with people.

00:45:23.000 Like, I think this one is the best one.

00:45:29.000 This has been the whole semester where It's like every time I raise my hand, you don't call on me, too.

00:45:33.000 You're always calling on Ming and shit.

00:45:35.000 Like, Ming's not all fucking that, you know what I mean?

00:45:38.000 Like, sure, he has nice glasses and shit, but he's not fucking not everything.

00:45:44.000 Yeah, that's what I thought, Ming.

00:45:46.000 Turn your camera off.

00:45:47.000 Ming, I will, Ming.

00:45:49.000 If you fucking turn your camera back on, I'll scrap you next class.

00:45:52.000 Don't think this coronavirus shit's not gonna end.

00:45:54.000 It is gonna end one day, and I'm gonna see you in person, so don't be grilling me.

00:45:58.000 This has been the whole semester.

00:45:59.000 It's like every time I'm in the future.

00:46:00.000 But he's not in that class.

00:46:02.000 How did he get in there?

00:46:04.000 I just explained it, you Luddite!

00:46:06.000 I was doing stuff.

00:46:08.000 Well, watch the show if you want to find out.

00:46:11.000 If I could maybe try to get ahead.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, I can do that.

00:46:14.000 Please, will you put the dishes in the dishwasher, please?

00:46:17.000 Shut the fuck up! 0.99

00:46:19.000 I'm in a class!

00:46:20.000 I'm in a class, please!

00:46:22.000 Put them in the dishwasher.

00:46:24.000 I'm sorry, Peeky.

00:46:26.000 Sorry, Miss.

00:46:27.000 Sorry about that.

00:46:27.000 Yeah.

00:46:28.000 Yeah, I was just saying chapter 9 and chapter 10 because I have a lot of spare time now.

00:46:31.000 I'm sure we all do like a lot.

00:46:34.000 Yeah, I know that some people are definitely wanting Mom, this is why dad left you Because you talk when you're not supposed to What the?

00:46:44.000 Okay?

00:46:45.000 Of course, the funniest one is the Canadian. 0.93

00:46:50.000 Sorry, Miss.

00:46:51.000 Yeah, even chapter 11 and 12.

00:46:53.000 So you can check all those out.

00:46:55.000 By the way, speaking of funny Canadians, Justin Trudeau is just hitting it out of the park.

00:46:59.000 I am so happy with him because it's like women were given the keys to the country. 1.00

00:47:05.000 And we said, all right, what do you want to do?

00:47:06.000 And they went, we want to vote for the cute guy.

00:47:09.000 No, this isn't the right one.

00:47:12.000 It's the other one.

00:47:14.000 And we went, yeah, but he's retarded. 0.99

00:47:16.000 He's the Zoolander president.

00:47:18.000 And they go, I don't care.

00:47:20.000 I think he'll do a good job.

00:47:22.000 And you go, what?

00:47:24.000 Is it 14?

00:47:25.000 He's giving the CBC a billion dollars a year.

00:47:29.000 That's the government-controlled, the government-controlled media, just like the BBC in Britain.

00:47:35.000 They get a billion dollars, at least $1.2 billion.

00:47:38.000 I think there's some trick where they don't include their own salaries or something.

00:47:41.000 So it could be like $1.5 billion.

00:47:43.000 But they grossed, grossed last year $500,000.

00:47:51.000 Guess what?

00:47:52.000 That's less than censor.tv.

00:47:55.000 I make a fuck ton more than the entire CBC.

00:47:59.000 This is the second largest country in the world if you look at land mass.

00:48:03.000 Okay?

00:48:04.000 It's got the same population as Britain, $500,000.

00:48:08.000 And you have to watch it.

00:48:10.000 It's on your television.

00:48:11.000 You don't choose CBC.

00:48:13.000 You turn on the radio, you turn on the TV.

00:48:15.000 There's CBC.

00:48:17.000 I'll be specific, $490,000.

00:48:20.000 And this is the genius behind the whole thing, ladies.

00:48:25.000 Like, do you see why I told you that you should have the right to vote, but you shouldn't really vote?

00:48:31.000 This is what we end up with when I let you.

00:48:33.000 When I let you run the show, you run a shit show.

00:48:37.000 Time stamped at 53 seconds.

00:48:39.000 I don't know if it is.

00:48:40.000 Let's hear it.

00:48:43.000 I think those are exactly the kinds of questions that people should be taking the advice.

00:48:48.000 By the way, just by the medical experts.

00:48:50.000 He locked himself in his house at the first sign of that being arguably the thing to do because he doesn't want this job.

00:48:59.000 He's dying to get out.

00:49:02.000 So he's going to probably stay in there for a year.

00:49:05.000 In fact, Canadians are talking about not opening up Canada again to business until 2021, which is starting some conspiracy theories that people are trying to introduce communism.

00:49:16.000 But holy shit, we should be very careful.

00:49:19.000 And I know you Americans are bored of Canada, but this is us in five years if we let AOC and her friends have any more power.

00:49:30.000 Experts from.

00:49:31.000 I am not a medical expert.

00:49:32.000 What I have heard from medical experts is that the most important thing is for people to stay home.

00:49:39.000 If they do have to go out, they need to keep two meters apart and look to go out as minimally as possible.

00:49:47.000 We need to wash our hands regularly.

00:49:49.000 We need to cough into our elbows.

00:49:50.000 These are the things that we know will slow and arrest the spread of this disease through this country.

00:49:58.000 My understanding of what Dr. Tam explained yesterday is that if people want to wear a mask, that is okay.

00:50:07.000 It protects others more than it protects you because it prevents you from breathing or speaking moistly on them.

00:50:18.000 What a terrible image.

00:50:20.000 But it actually is such a double whammy.

00:50:28.000 Because on the one hand, he just said, talk moistly, which might be the new name of this show.

00:50:35.000 Welcome back to Talk Moistly, where we try to deliver the news, politics, and culture in an erotic fashion for the ladies. 1.00

00:50:44.000 Talk moistly.

00:50:46.000 Talk moistly to me.

00:50:48.000 It's a new prince song, Darling Nikki.

00:50:50.000 I met her in a hotel lobby talking moistly with the magazine.

00:50:56.000 But he said, then after he goes, what exactly did he say?

00:51:00.000 That's a terrible image.

00:51:03.000 Or speaking moistly on them.

00:51:07.000 What a terrible image.

00:51:09.000 That's not an image, dumbass.

00:51:11.000 It's a dumb thing to say.

00:51:12.000 It's a stupid concept.

00:51:13.000 And you just massacred the English language because you don't seem to speak it.

00:51:18.000 But it would just look normal.

00:51:20.000 Speaking moistly, it's just like, hey, what's going on?

00:51:23.000 It's not.

00:51:24.000 Fuck, it's unbelievable.

00:51:25.000 But while I was looking up the Zoolander Prime Minister, what was the hand sign language for that? 0.98

00:51:32.000 Did you dig into breathing or RC?

00:51:35.000 Is that French sign language and English sign language?

00:51:37.000 I'm guessing so.

00:51:38.000 Speaking English.

00:51:39.000 Brian, sign language isn't a language.

00:51:42.000 It's one language.

00:51:43.000 Is it universal?

00:51:44.000 Yes.

00:51:45.000 There isn't French and English sign language.

00:51:45.000 Oh.

00:51:47.000 I thought there was.

00:51:49.000 No, and it's not the exact same as English or any other language.

00:51:53.000 It's its own thing.

00:51:55.000 It's almost like pidgin English.

00:51:56.000 Where they put the poo-poo in the big School and Migo Yaya. 1.00

00:52:06.000 Go to the other Justin Trudeau thing.

00:52:11.000 I think it's 1-4.

00:52:12.000 No, it's 1-5.

00:52:14.000 This is Obama was recently in Canada, and the fucking ass looking is so depressing.

00:52:19.000 It's just gross.

00:52:22.000 This reminds me of the Academy Awards.

00:52:24.000 See a bromance up close.

00:52:28.000 Thanks for making that possible.

00:52:30.000 Although I still think due diplomacy is more accurate, but I'll get over it.

00:52:35.000 Yikes.

00:52:36.000 That's Sophie.

00:52:37.000 Doesn't she have coronavirus? 1.00

00:52:39.000 His wife?

00:52:40.000 Oh, yeah, I think so.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, she got it from Idris Elba or vice versa.

00:52:44.000 This is not six feet.

00:52:48.000 Oh, this must be affordable this extraordinary welcome.

00:52:52.000 Of course it is dumbass.

00:52:53.000 Which tempts me to just shut up and leave.

00:52:58.000 This is Obama's shit.

00:52:58.000 Just pause.

00:53:00.000 This is his favorite thing.

00:53:01.000 He gets into a room where everyone kisses his ass and then he pretends he doesn't like his ass kissed and he acts all modest about it. 0.53

00:53:09.000 This defines his presidency.

00:53:11.000 It defines his personality.

00:53:13.000 You just walk in there.

00:53:15.000 It's like Gene Simmons going to a kiss convention and just going like, as everyone screams, going, you know what?

00:53:19.000 I think you're the stars.

00:53:21.000 I think without you guys, we're not a band.

00:53:24.000 Without you buying our records.

00:53:26.000 So sometimes I feel like I should be down there and you guys should be on this stage rocking out.

00:53:31.000 But I'm happy to do it.

00:53:33.000 I'm happy to do it.

00:53:36.000 Because it can't get any better than this.

00:53:40.000 So Canada.

00:53:45.000 It was in February.

00:53:49.000 Good joke.

00:53:49.000 Local humor.

00:53:51.000 It was colder.

00:53:53.000 I was younger.

00:53:56.000 Michelle now refers to my hair as the Great White North.

00:54:01.000 Our only battles take place inside the hockey rink.

00:54:06.000 What?

00:54:07.000 Even there, there's a ton of place in between parenthood and in prison, too.

00:54:11.000 What are you talking about?

00:54:12.000 Between Canada and America, I believe, right?

00:54:15.000 Oh, I'm caught up now.

00:54:17.000 No, there's a lot more.

00:54:18.000 Ever heard of the pipeline?

00:54:20.000 Or Wroxham Road, frankly?

00:54:22.000 That is maintained.

00:54:24.000 As Americans, we too celebrate the life of Mr. Hockey himself, the late, great Gordy Howe.

00:54:31.000 Who the hell is Gordy Howe?

00:54:32.000 Do you remember last when Gordy Howe's birthday was and the whole streets were alive with hockey sticks and people screaming for Gordy Howe?

00:54:41.000 No.

00:54:42.000 As all Americans do because they love him so much?

00:54:45.000 More like Gordy.

00:54:46.000 What is he talking about?

00:54:47.000 Americans don't give a shit about Gordy Howe or Maurice Le Rocket Richard.

00:54:55.000 All right, before we go to calls, we got to catch up on old Cardi B. Where is she now? 0.80

00:55:02.000 I got a whole Cardi B set list for you.

00:55:04.000 All right, and then you sent me a second one, Pop Smoke.

00:55:08.000 Oh, no, that's different.

00:55:08.000 That's not Cardi B. Oh.

00:55:11.000 1-8.

00:55:14.000 Now, there's a bunch of them.

00:55:15.000 I'm not sure I got them ordered right.

00:55:17.000 I don't think this is the famous one.

00:55:19.000 No, this, like, I know this sounds, I hate when leftists talk about white trash and stuff, and it sounds like people are human garbage, and it reminds me of the way Stalin and Mao sees the populace as just like things that can be swept away.

00:55:34.000 And maybe I am a snob, but the word trash just keeps popping into my head every time she opens her garbage mouth. 1.00

00:55:46.000 Here we go.

00:55:47.000 Um, this is how I press it.

00:55:51.000 Ah, what the fuck?

00:55:53.000 All right, look.

00:55:54.000 She's like a bratty. 1.00

00:55:57.000 Now go to the next one.

00:56:00.000 Is this the famous one?

00:56:06.000 Yeah, this is the one that is all over the place that everyone's talking about where she's just schooling us on Corona and entertaining us and just being garbage. 1.00

00:56:15.000 And you know, I looked up her dad.

00:56:17.000 I went, well, obviously your dad was never around.

00:56:18.000 That's why she's such a piece of shit. 1.00

00:56:20.000 No, dad's been there.

00:56:22.000 He's very happy with her.

00:56:23.000 Her stripping career.

00:56:25.000 Everything's been going great.

00:56:26.000 I mean, she is rich.

00:56:27.000 Probably the most successful Dominican in the history of the Bronx.

00:56:33.000 Government!

00:56:34.000 Let me tell y'all a motherfucker something.

00:56:36.000 I don't know what the fuck this coronavirus is about.

00:56:38.000 I don't understand how that shit was from Wuhan, China.

00:56:41.000 Now, all of a sudden, this shit is a motherfucking tour.

00:56:44.000 And let me tell y'all something.

00:56:45.000 I didn't even go up front.

00:56:47.000 A bitch is scared. 1.00

00:56:48.000 I'm a little scared.

00:56:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:56:49.000 Like, shit got me panicking.

00:56:51.000 And a lot of you motherfuckers think it's a joke.

00:56:54.000 Like I was thinking, right?

00:56:55.000 But that shit right there, just because you think you're immune to it, guess what?

00:56:58.000 Your pocket ain't bitch because a lot of shit comes from motherfucking China, bitch. 1.00

00:57:02.000 So if you wonder where your motherfucking weave or your fashion over, motherfucking packages have arrived, guess what, bitch? 1.00

00:57:08.000 Coronavirus!

00:57:08.000 Ha ha!

00:57:10.000 Coronavirus!

00:57:12.000 I'm telling you, shit is real!

00:57:14.000 Shit is getting real!

00:57:16.000 Woo! 0.99

00:57:17.000 Bitch, I'll scare. 1.00

00:57:20.000 What a humongous piece of trash.

00:57:22.000 Maybe it's maybe it's like because I live near the Bronx and I see the sucker punches every day and running guys' pockets after they're passed out and the arson and rape and fucking punching cops in the head.

00:57:36.000 And she just seems so Bronx. 0.72

00:57:38.000 Maybe that's it.

00:57:39.000 I'll never forget when I went to Jamaica when that shit hit the fan after my talk.

00:57:43.000 And I came back and I had like two weeks of New York posts and they were all piled up in my front door and I read, I just sort of flipped through them all and it was just Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx on fire, Bronx robbery, Bronx rape, Bronx arson, Bronx kids, fucking raping and beating the shit out of an old lady.

00:57:58.000 So maybe I just hate the Bronx.

00:58:00.000 But what was that?

00:58:03.000 She's inspiring others.

00:58:05.000 Go to, oh shit, I only have one.

00:58:08.000 Oh yeah, I sent you a video that's embedded in the email.

00:58:13.000 Uh-huh.

00:58:14.000 Yeah, let's see that.

00:58:16.000 Some chick did an excellent job of recreating this piece of trash. 1.00

00:58:19.000 White women, middle-class white women, fucking adore Cardi B. And they memorize all her songs, they buy all the records, the reason she's rich. 1.00

00:58:28.000 I don't quite get it.

00:58:29.000 Can someone explain that to me during the calls?

00:58:33.000 Y'all, like, this Corona shit is pretty serious.

00:58:36.000 Like, especially a piercing rosographos.

00:58:38.000 Like, this shit is serious.

00:58:40.000 Like, this told me Cardi B versus Corona.

00:58:45.000 Like, if y'all try to have a meeting with me, like, y'all think you could be using like lupa master hair sanitizer.

00:58:51.000 Y'all gotta have hair sanitizer with some cool packs with some goddamn alcohols in it. 1.00

00:58:57.000 Like, y'all really scared.

00:58:58.000 I'll be stocking up on nails.

00:59:01.000 I'll be stocking up on goddamn eyelashes.

00:59:05.000 Like, she, I'm gonna be pretty if the world is.

00:59:07.000 She just used the audio of Cardi B?

00:59:09.000 No.

00:59:10.000 I'm not wearing this in like a little bikini or something.

00:59:14.000 Did she buy all those lashes and those nails for this bit? 1.00

00:59:17.000 I think girls be buying lashes, be buying nails. 1.00

00:59:20.000 Seven boxes of lashes?

00:59:25.000 That was pretty good.

00:59:26.000 That was a really good impression.

00:59:28.000 Wait a minute.

00:59:29.000 Then it ends with Trump 2020.

00:59:32.000 Wait, what's Cardi B20?

00:59:34.000 Cardi B20 come right up.

00:59:38.000 I don't know if we want to watch this.

00:59:41.000 So she's wearing Louis Vuitton or something in Paris.

00:59:45.000 And you're just like, what a juxtaposition.

00:59:47.000 The most couture label in Europe and fucking the Bronx stripper who thinks motherfucker means you. 1.00

00:59:55.000 We are not here in Paris fucking on my nigga and eating some snails.

01:00:01.000 I've eaten some snails.

01:00:02.000 I'll see you in Americans later.

01:00:03.000 I'll see you in a minute.

01:00:09.000 I'm a garbage person.

01:00:10.000 Yeah.

01:00:12.000 Oh, this is a funny article.

01:00:13.000 So 21, that song like Coronavirus.

01:00:17.000 So some DJ made a song of it, and everyone's bored.

01:00:21.000 And so it went viral.

01:00:23.000 But here's a news piece on the coronavirus Cardi B song.

01:00:26.000 So it's a guy just quoting her.

01:00:27.000 It's not Cardi B doing the song, obviously.

01:00:29.000 But check out how serious this news piece is.

01:00:35.000 News.

01:00:36.000 In the midst of the international pandemic, COVID-19, Brooklyn DJ I.Marques managed to score a viral hit with coronavirus remix.

01:00:47.000 Involving Elmo.

01:00:48.000 It's always a great thing to me because that just drives me to go even more for people to make them feel good when they're having a bad day.

01:00:55.000 We spoke to DJ IMARKES himself, who told us that while this isn't his first clever remix to go viral, coronavirus remix has already hit number one in iTunes in a number of different countries.

01:01:05.000 And much like the actual virus, his remix spread at an alarming rate.

01:01:09.000 The song was inspired by a video that Cardi B posted on Instagram in response to the recent.

01:01:13.000 Are they talking about a cancer cure right now?

01:01:15.000 I bet she's grumpy. 1.00

01:01:16.000 You know, the fact that that went to number one and just inspired me to get out there and be more creative.

01:01:21.000 And as an artist, you know, promote my artistry to other people if I can help them in this time.

01:01:26.000 Shit, it might even have saved some lives.

01:01:28.000 And if it could do that, even just save like one life, I would be so, so enchanted, you know, and pleased.

01:01:39.000 The virus spreading.

01:01:40.000 And let me tell y'all something.

01:01:41.000 I ain't gonna go up front.

01:01:44.000 A bitch is scared. 1.00

01:01:45.000 The particular part where she said coronavirus.

01:01:47.000 Shit, it's real.

01:01:49.000 Can we analyze that?

01:01:50.000 This deserves a lot of analysis.

01:01:51.000 Right there alone is just like, that's something.

01:01:54.000 We're on the boat!

01:01:55.000 This is real!

01:01:58.000 We're on the boat!

01:02:01.000 This is real!

01:02:03.000 While many fans simply saw the video as a funny, shareable post, Marquise seized the opportunity, making the remix in only 15 minutes.

01:02:10.000 People would tag me and say, oh, throw your blessings, this, that and a third.

01:02:14.000 iMarquise uses the music production software Ableton to take his favorite elements from almost any piece of video.

01:02:20.000 Is this 60 Minutes?

01:02:21.000 And he's remixed everything from the Damn Daniel Vine.

01:02:24.000 Damn Daniel.

01:02:25.000 Damn Daniel.

01:02:28.000 It's a joke.

01:02:31.000 Why?

01:02:32.000 Like, are you going to do a serious news piece on the guy who crashes Zooms now?

01:02:36.000 Never would have made it.

01:02:45.000 And as for the video itself, Mark V's uses a ton of different clips, like Elmo, the jukebox meme, and others that he pulls from.

01:02:51.000 I know.

01:02:52.000 Shut up, bitch. 1.00

01:02:53.000 Women in the workforce.

01:02:55.000 Kicking ass, taking names. 0.94

01:02:56.000 All right, let's start taking some calls.

01:02:58.000 And let's make sure that the first call, we see their phone number.

01:03:03.000 And we make sure they get a $50 gift card.

01:03:07.000 to Bubba and Hanks.

01:03:08.000 Now, Bubba and Hanks sent me a massive styrofoam cube of meat that I've been enjoying.

01:03:13.000 I'm still only like a third of the way through it.

01:03:15.000 And it is fucking exquisite.

01:03:17.000 It actually makes me regret the shitty meat I've been eating for so long and tolerating.

01:03:23.000 Coronavirus.

01:03:25.000 Also, y'all people who in the Discord, you know what I'm saying?

01:03:30.000 You got to go to the call-in area of the voice place.

01:03:34.000 You should put the number up on the screen, or should you?

01:03:36.000 Yeah, that'll come up right there.

01:03:38.000 Coronavirus.

01:03:40.000 That was pretty slick.

01:03:43.000 Yeah, you got boobs. 1.00

01:03:45.000 You got motherfuckers going to the bathroom. 1.00

01:03:47.000 I don't shave my legs, because I suck a mean dick.

01:03:53.000 Does she not shave her legs? 0.99

01:03:54.000 No, I saw some Instagram video.

01:03:56.000 Howard Stern was talking about it, where she goes, I don't need to shave my legs or do shit like that, because I suck a mean dick, right, baby? 1.00

01:04:03.000 Cardi B said that?

01:04:06.000 Her husband's like, yeah.

01:04:06.000 Yeah, to her husband.

01:04:08.000 Yeah.

01:04:10.000 What did she say?

01:04:12.000 All right, we got Zane Boy.

01:04:15.000 Hey, Zane.

01:04:17.000 What's up, Zane?

01:04:19.000 Can't hear you.

01:04:23.000 Zane, don't fuck it up.

01:04:27.000 This is your big chance, Zane.

01:04:28.000 Zane.

01:04:29.000 Yeah, I can hear you now.

01:04:30.000 You guys there?

01:04:31.000 12?

01:04:32.000 Is there 12?

01:04:34.000 Yes.

01:04:35.000 Okay, nice.

01:04:37.000 So I'm out here right now, shark fishing on the beach.

01:04:40.000 A couple of my buddies, first time ever drinking.

01:04:42.000 Grab some Maker's Mark.

01:04:44.000 What?

01:04:45.000 Came across a hilarious video.

01:04:47.000 video the guy uh his name is Bucky Boyd you look it up on YouTube it's called uh oh wait give me one second hold on a sec go back go back are you in uh west palm beach or something you're you're on the beach fishing for sharks no i mean uh i'm in st. Lucy right now man oh nice so you can do that all the way up to port st. Lucie is that like the whole coast of Florida you can you can uh fish for sharks on the beach um I'm

01:05:18.000 pretty sure you're supposed to have a license for it, but dude, I live on a private beach, so no one really messes with me, you know?

01:05:24.000 That's awesome.

01:05:24.000 Super chill.

01:05:25.000 That must take some real upper body strength to pull those fuckers in. 1.00

01:05:30.000 It does, dude.

01:05:30.000 Yeah, like we got a nine and a half foot lemon shark a couple years ago, man.

01:05:34.000 And she was ridiculous.

01:05:35.000 So earlier we were out, took my boat out.

01:05:38.000 We got some nice jacks, and we're just dropping it off my beach.

01:05:44.000 Lemon sharks, do they attack humans?

01:05:49.000 You know, I don't know.

01:05:51.000 They might, dude, I know.

01:05:52.000 Hold up one second.

01:05:53.000 I can hear you guys in the background.

01:05:56.000 You couldn't keep that?

01:05:59.000 I'm sure you can, but dude, it's just like, I don't know.

01:06:02.000 It just feels kind of funky, I guess.

01:06:03.000 Like a nine-foot shark, like hauling that back to my house.

01:06:06.000 It's a lot of meat.

01:06:07.000 It's like, you know, probably over 150 pounds of meat.

01:06:10.000 Okay, let me tell you something.

01:06:12.000 Let me tell you an idea.

01:06:14.000 Let me tell you an idea I had on the show.

01:06:16.000 And when I was last in Florida, I was there for spring training for the Mets.

01:06:21.000 And I noticed that when you catch a giant fish, they just make a mold of it, and then they throw the fish away, and they make you a recreation of your fish.

01:06:31.000 And it's all just based on the honor system, right?

01:06:35.000 There's no like this guy who comes in and checks it.

01:06:39.000 So let's start a fraudulent, because some of these marlins will sell for $10,000.

01:06:45.000 So let's make a fraudulent company that just pretends you caught a 20-foot shark and we'll make you a shark.

01:06:53.000 And then you, you know, we could Photoshop a picture of you holding it with a hook.

01:06:56.000 And then when people start to suss it up, we move to the next town in Florida.

01:07:00.000 We go up and down the coasts.

01:07:03.000 Dude, that's a great idea.

01:07:04.000 Let's do it.

01:07:05.000 Seriously.

01:07:05.000 Like, charge people like tourists and stuff.

01:07:08.000 Yeah, and restaurants, like hotels, they want to have a 1500-pound marlin in the front room. 0.56

01:07:13.000 No problem.

01:07:14.000 Buy it off me.

01:07:15.000 I caught it and got good.

01:07:17.000 Yeah, like if you like the marlin.

01:07:20.000 Okay, so what's the video you want us to check out?

01:07:24.000 Yeah, it's called.

01:07:25.000 Oh, fuck me.

01:07:26.000 Hold on one second.

01:07:27.000 I forgot the name of it again.

01:07:28.000 It's called Bucky Boyd is Back.

01:07:31.000 So let me just give you a little bit of backstory on it.

01:07:32.000 It's about a guy.

01:07:33.000 It's his first boxing match ever.

01:07:35.000 I'm pretty sure he's retarded. 1.00

01:07:36.000 I don't know.

01:07:38.000 And he's trying to intimidate his opponent and also advertise the fight, I guess.

01:07:43.000 But start at the 17-second mark.

01:07:45.000 It's called Bucky Boyd is Back.

01:07:47.000 Okay, wait, didn't he win?

01:07:50.000 Yep.

01:07:50.000 Yep, no problem.

01:07:51.000 Didn't you win with it?

01:07:52.000 Oh, no.

01:07:52.000 Oh, heck no, dude.

01:07:53.000 Hank.

01:07:54.000 Wait, Scott, stop, stop.

01:07:56.000 Dude, dude, dude, are you still there?

01:07:57.000 Okay.

01:07:59.000 What?

01:08:00.000 You won a $50 gift card from Bubba and Hanks, the finest meat in the world.

01:08:04.000 Oh, no way.

01:08:05.000 I forgot about the gift card.

01:08:06.000 Yeah, so did I. Dude, yes.

01:08:09.000 Yes.

01:08:10.000 Does Ryan have your number?

01:08:12.000 Okay, Ryan's going to call you back in a bit and get all your information.

01:08:12.000 I do.

01:08:16.000 It ends with 3-8, correct?

01:08:17.000 Your number?

01:08:19.000 Yes, that's correct.

01:08:20.000 Yep, yep, that's correct.

01:08:21.000 Chillo.

01:08:22.000 Thanks for calling.

01:08:23.000 It's a base.

01:08:24.000 Chillo, it's a base.

01:08:27.000 If you ever want to hear a shitty version of Ryan's impressions, just tune into the Gavin show.

01:08:32.000 I'm a freight train.

01:08:34.000 I'm a monster.

01:08:36.000 Anyone get in my way in Backley?

01:08:39.000 Gonna be runned over.

01:08:42.000 I'm 400-pound, seven-foot-tall, appear craziness.

01:08:46.000 And anybody steps in the ring with me this time, I don't care who it is.

01:08:52.000 I'm going to get runned over.

01:08:55.000 Runned over by the locomotive.

01:08:57.000 By the time.

01:08:59.000 I'm coming to Beckley.

01:09:01.000 I'm going to cause someone pain.

01:09:03.000 Very much pain.

01:09:05.000 And when I do, somebody going to the hospital.

01:09:09.000 I don't care who it is.

01:09:10.000 Anyone standing my way from winning the rough from Riley Brow this time?

01:09:14.000 I don't care who it is.

01:09:17.000 Don't go to get knocked.

01:09:18.000 I'm inclined to believe that.

01:09:20.000 Have we seen him fight?

01:09:21.000 Is he fighting in this video?

01:09:23.000 Let's see.

01:09:24.000 Don't go to get mold.

01:09:26.000 Move! 0.97

01:09:27.000 Move! 0.97

01:09:27.000 Talk a lot of shit so far. 0.97

01:09:29.000 Hell yeah, talking Bucky.

01:09:30.000 Don't go to get out.

01:09:31.000 But if you're seven feet tall and 400 pounds, that's a recipe for a knockout. 0.99

01:09:36.000 Okay.

01:09:37.000 I'm Bucky.

01:09:39.000 You ever talk to someone who's been knocked out in boxing?

01:09:42.000 They have a sort of like a, hey, what?

01:09:44.000 And the words get jumbled up quite a bit.

01:09:47.000 That's how Joe Biden talks.

01:09:49.000 When Joe Biden talks, I can see a ref holding his gloves and say, look me in the eyes, look me in the eyes.

01:09:54.000 We got all kinds of things of the virus of 16 or 17, the Civil War, and for the sake of health.

01:10:03.000 All right, that was kind of a boring video, Floridian.

01:10:05.000 You're drunk.

01:10:06.000 Wait, oh, this is his fight.

01:10:08.000 He's been fighting for a long time.

01:10:13.000 The people in the country need unity and hair.

01:10:16.000 Is this the boxing league that Barstool Sports bought?

01:10:20.000 Let's see.

01:10:22.000 They bought a redneck, like, boxing... 0.95

01:10:27.000 League.

01:10:28.000 League.

01:10:30.000 And it's all amateurs, like, fucking amateurs.

01:10:34.000 Some dudes in New York will go down to North Carolina and get a bunch of fights in with just like these random dudes who are drunk half the time.

01:10:42.000 And then they're undefeated.

01:10:43.000 And you'll see a lot of amateurs with like 20 records.

01:10:48.000 And that's how they get those perfect numbers.

01:10:48.000 Right.

01:10:51.000 Did you like my Joe Biden?

01:10:53.000 What?

01:10:54.000 You like my Joe Biden impression?

01:10:55.000 No, I didn't hear it.

01:10:56.000 The man on the left is punching the guy on the right.

01:11:00.000 You don't look away there, Bucky.

01:11:02.000 Bucky's getting hit.

01:11:03.000 I thought you were a monster.

01:11:06.000 Where's the volume?

01:11:08.000 I don't think he's ever been punched in the face before.

01:11:14.000 That's it?

01:11:16.000 This is like fucking Master Blaster and Mad Max.

01:11:21.000 You're not supposed to put a retard in the ring. 1.00

01:11:24.000 What are you, Master?

01:11:26.000 If you put a retard in the movie, The Ring, it would have been a worse movie. 1.00

01:11:31.000 That's a terrible Joe Biden.

01:11:33.000 What was that impression you were doing yesterday that ended so bad it was shocking?

01:11:36.000 Oh, yeah, Denzel Washington.

01:11:37.000 I'm Denzel Washington.

01:11:43.000 Jack, watching someone fall downstairs, like you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, Jack wants to give me fashion advice.

01:11:50.000 Okay.

01:11:51.000 Yeah, right.

01:11:52.000 Yo.

01:11:53.000 Yo.

01:11:54.000 Yo, Brian, how much does a suit express cost?

01:11:58.000 Express about less than $300, maybe $250.

01:12:04.000 Bro, you might as well buy some shit at H ⁇ M, man.

01:12:07.000 Dude, the suit, when you come in with your suit on, you don't look good, dude.

01:12:11.000 You look like a retarded kid going to a funeral. 1.00

01:12:14.000 I am.

01:12:15.000 You're a funeral, Bucko.

01:12:17.000 I'm just saying, dude, no, what you should do.

01:12:20.000 Listen to me.

01:12:21.000 You need to go to fucking Goodwill, go to the Salvation Army, find a variety of things.

01:12:28.000 Why are you even looking at Brooks Brothers, man?

01:12:31.000 Like, unless Gavin's paying you $125K a year, you have no fucking business shopping there.

01:12:36.000 Yeah.

01:12:36.000 Good point.

01:12:37.000 And being good at it, if you will.

01:12:39.000 It's fucking retarded, dude. 1.00

01:12:40.000 All I got is a jacket, and it was on sale.

01:12:43.000 It was half off.

01:12:44.000 Try to get a deal like that.

01:12:45.000 You don't just have a jacket.

01:12:46.000 You have Brooks Brothers pants and you have Brooks Brothers polos.

01:12:49.000 Yeah, but they were $60 a piece.

01:12:50.000 You even said that's a good thing.

01:12:52.000 Thank you for calling, Caller.

01:12:53.000 That was good advice.

01:12:54.000 Another thing you can do is get like the hair club for men, whatever they're called, suits, and then take them to a tailor and you can have them fucking men? 0.98

01:13:05.000 What's that called?

01:13:06.000 Zoot suit fucking...

01:13:08.000 Men's warehouse.

01:13:09.000 Oh, and never, never, never.

01:13:11.000 I'd rather save up.

01:13:11.000 Never.

01:13:12.000 Says the man $12,000.

01:13:14.000 I'd rather save up.

01:13:15.000 Let's blow me. 0.89

01:13:16.000 Us people $12,000 in debt, don't stoop to men's warehouse.

01:13:22.000 Matt's talking about flip-flops.

01:13:24.000 Go ahead, Cornpop. 0.99

01:13:26.000 Hey, man.

01:13:27.000 Hey, man.

01:13:29.000 Gavin, I think you need to realize that when people fetishize Cardi B, these white liberal women, it really represents what you say about the North loving or hating blacks in theory and loving them in practice, and the South loving them in theory, but hating them in practice.

01:13:43.000 I think the dichotomy between her and someone like Idris Elba, they really, that's how they see Cardi B, that's how they really see black people, whereas they see Idris Elba as like this novelty and a well-spoken one.

01:13:54.000 But I think the reason that you see them mind her so much is because that's genuinely how racist they really are.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

01:14:02.000 They see them as these silly clowns where they go, look at her saying bathroom instead of bathroom. 0.96

01:14:09.000 It's so endearing.

01:14:10.000 Look, I can say it too.

01:14:11.000 I'll pop a cap in your ass. 1.00

01:14:17.000 Exactly.

01:14:18.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:14:19.000 And I see it all the time.

01:14:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:14:20.000 All right.

01:14:22.000 Great points.

01:14:25.000 Great points.

01:14:26.000 You know, Milo and Chadwick were insulting our fans and saying that we should remove the unsubscribe button when they did that stupid prank where they said I was fired.

01:14:36.000 And he goes, we have to do it because Gavin's fans are so stupid that they'll immediately take it seriously and unsubscribe.

01:14:45.000 But I'm totally open to the concept of having stupid viewers, but the quality of the letters we get and the quality of the calls we get, when I compare that to YouTube comments or the people who call into Opi and Anthony, I think it is a disproportionately high level of intelligence with our viewers.

01:15:06.000 Like the calls, okay, the guys that was wasted sent us to a shitty video, but it did end up being pretty funny when he got knocked out.

01:15:12.000 And then the other calls, how many times have I said good point tonight?

01:15:15.000 It's been quite a few.

01:15:18.000 I'm going to try to go to the voice channel.

01:15:21.000 Hey, voice channel.

01:15:21.000 Where's Bruce?

01:15:23.000 You're live.

01:15:24.000 Show the Discord on the screen.

01:15:26.000 Sorry.

01:15:27.000 Should I?

01:15:28.000 He's just talking about how to do it.

01:15:29.000 guys should...

01:15:30.000 Is it bad for Ryan to show the Discord on the screen?

01:15:32.000 Unsubscribe button or whatever.

01:15:33.000 Oh, maybe they got a...

01:15:40.000 Here we go.

01:15:42.000 Well, aren't they watching live?

01:15:45.000 Yeah, just folks at home who are confused.

01:15:47.000 We're going into the Discord.

01:15:49.000 Hey, y'all.

01:15:50.000 Can you hear us?

01:15:52.000 Can you hear us?

01:15:54.000 One at a time, boys.

01:15:57.000 This is stupid.

01:15:58.000 Go back to calls.

01:15:59.000 No.

01:16:00.000 Oh, you're here, Brian.

01:16:01.000 Yeah.

01:16:02.000 Yeah.

01:16:04.000 So, does somebody have a question?

01:16:05.000 Gavin's getting impatient.

01:16:07.000 Yep.

01:16:07.000 All right.

01:16:08.000 So first up, we got user CK Val.

01:16:11.000 CK Val, go ahead.

01:16:13.000 Hey, what's up, Gav?

01:16:14.000 Hey, how you doing?

01:16:16.000 Good, good.

01:16:17.000 I just was wondering if you've talked to Mercedes Carrera since your last show, because I saw that she and her boyfriend were arrested for sexual abuse and was wondering if you had any like juicy gossip.

01:16:32.000 Yeah, I got lots of juicy gossip about that.

01:16:35.000 Her ex-husband is a psychoevangelical dude who brainwashed the kid, basically, not unlike Mia Pharaoh and Woody Allen, and said, they practice pornography.

01:16:47.000 I don't think he said specifically, you're getting raped, but he said, you're brought into this world of pornography. 0.56

01:16:53.000 So she calls the, so then he calls the cops when she's there.

01:16:57.000 And no, no, sorry.

01:16:58.000 Then he calls the cops.

01:17:00.000 The cops interview her and they go, what's going on?

01:17:02.000 And she says basically what dad told her to say.

01:17:04.000 Then the cops go over there and they see all of these cameras in the bedroom.

01:17:09.000 And they go, well, you're clearly making kiddie porn.

01:17:12.000 But all porn stars have cameras in their bedroom. 0.99

01:17:15.000 And then they got the double whammy of meth, which all porn stars do. 1.00

01:17:19.000 And that was stupid to have drugs and guns in the house, but they did.

01:17:24.000 Said meth and guns.

01:17:25.000 So they go, meth, guns, kitty porn, boom.

01:17:28.000 No bail, no nothing.

01:17:30.000 I mean, they're going to do a lot of time.

01:17:32.000 And Mercedes would never hurt her daughter in a million years.

01:17:38.000 She worshipped the ground her daughter walked on. 0.65

01:17:40.000 She was a great mom. 0.86

01:17:41.000 And she's been framed.

01:17:42.000 And it's part of this whole, it could be my fault.

01:17:45.000 It could be her being associated with me, but it's part of the whole Max and John in jail for four years.

01:17:50.000 It's part of the whole Roger Stone going to prison for three and a half years.

01:17:54.000 This is all part of this deep state, fuck the Trump people, culture war.

01:18:01.000 This is the justice system being used to win the culture wars.

01:18:05.000 It's sick and depraved.

01:18:06.000 And no, I haven't spoken to her.

01:18:08.000 No one has.

01:18:09.000 Wow, that's crazy.

01:18:10.000 All right.

01:18:11.000 Well, I appreciate it.

01:18:12.000 Thank you.

01:18:13.000 All right, next.

01:18:15.000 Next, we got user Taz.

01:18:15.000 Yep.

01:18:15.000 All right.

01:18:17.000 Taz, go ahead.

01:18:19.000 Hey, what's up, Gavin?

01:18:20.000 Hey, man, can I just interrupt you?

01:18:22.000 Can we show the Discord or is that private?

01:18:25.000 No, you can show it.

01:18:26.000 All right, let's put it up.

01:18:27.000 Show it.

01:18:28.000 Yeah, everybody's on notice.

01:18:29.000 Go for it.

01:18:31.000 Hey, I'm sitting here thinking about this election, man, and Joe Biden hadn't picked a VP yet.

01:18:37.000 I'm wondering, what are your thoughts on his VP pick?

01:18:40.000 Because they're obviously going to take over when he gets out of the race due to his health.

01:18:46.000 I think he's going to choose Kamala Harris.

01:18:48.000 I think people are going to push him to choose Andrew Cuomo, but Andrew Cuomo gets pegged by his wife.

01:18:54.000 He has nipple rings.

01:18:56.000 You know he's got some skeletons in his closet where some fucking gay orgy is going to appear. 0.99

01:19:01.000 Will you stop showing that picture?

01:19:03.000 What if someone had a micro penis? 1.00

01:19:06.000 Would you show someone your micro penis?

01:19:09.000 You like making fun of the handicapped?

01:19:12.000 Jesus Christ.

01:19:13.000 Bastards.

01:19:14.000 Fuck you.

01:19:15.000 Fuck you.

01:19:15.000 With your heels off.

01:19:17.000 Anyways, Camilla Harris, man, really?

01:19:19.000 Yeah, he said he's going to choose a woman.

01:19:21.000 She's, I think, the most popular woman.

01:19:23.000 She sucks, by the way. 0.99

01:19:25.000 The most popular at like 0.3%.

01:19:26.000 I don't like her.

01:19:29.000 What?

01:19:29.000 At 0.3%?

01:19:32.000 Yeah, well, what else?

01:19:33.000 He said he's going to choose a woman.

01:19:35.000 He can't choose Cuomo.

01:19:36.000 Who is he going to choose?

01:19:37.000 Bernie?

01:19:40.000 I don't know, man.

01:19:41.000 I just wonder what your thoughts were.

01:19:41.000 I think they're fucked.

01:19:43.000 They're so fucked.

01:19:44.000 I hereby predict that the results in November are going to be the widest gap between DNC and GOP in the history of the country.

01:19:54.000 It's going to be a landslide that has never before seen in history.

01:19:58.000 The fact that they have Joe Biden running up against Trump is not even fun.

01:20:02.000 I'm not even happy about it.

01:20:04.000 I'd prefer Bernie.

01:20:05.000 It's sort of like that fight we just saw in the ring.

01:20:07.000 Like, it's not even going to be a good fight.

01:20:09.000 Trump's just going to go pop, and Biden's just going to fall out of the ring on top of the sportscasters.

01:20:20.000 Cheers.

01:20:22.000 Whoa, Jordan Peterson looks like shit.

01:20:24.000 Next, we got Raylan.

01:20:27.000 Hey, Raylin, how are you?

01:20:29.000 Porn pop.

01:20:30.000 What's up, fucking Carol Baskin?

01:20:32.000 He 30 son of a bitch.

01:20:33.000 Come over here smoking Newport and hit it down.

01:20:35.000 From now on, the only callers that get in here are ones that want to fucking kill Carol Baskin. 0.98

01:20:40.000 Mike Gate.

01:20:42.000 Go ahead.

01:20:45.000 Yes, sir.

01:20:46.000 Stop showing that fucking flip-flops picture. 0.99

01:20:49.000 We didn't have air conditioning in the office, and we were moving at the time.

01:20:52.000 This is moving to New York.

01:20:53.000 We're packing boxes.

01:20:55.000 I couldn't find my shoes.

01:20:56.000 I put on some flip-flops for one second.

01:20:58.000 Well, then you ain't that striped then, are you?

01:21:02.000 I wish I had that shit.

01:21:04.000 What's the question, boys?

01:21:09.000 I said, well, you ain't that striped.

01:21:11.000 We lost him.

01:21:12.000 All right.

01:21:12.000 Next up is user Kiki.

01:21:15.000 Kiki.

01:21:17.000 Kiki.

01:21:19.000 Okay, so I have a question about the current and coming state of conservatism.

01:21:28.000 So as the right has started to shift more left over the last few years and they're like accepting homosexuality, immigration, abortion, do you think like these young traditional groups like American Identity Movement and the Groiper Movement have a chance to shift the right to where it came from? 0.83

01:21:45.000 Or do you think because the left is just all powerful and the right is becoming more left that they'll just be totally disavowed in the future?

01:21:52.000 No, I think America First is doing a great job.

01:21:56.000 And I used to, I was wary of them at first because I've seen so many fucking Nazis walk in my front door like Jason Kessler and say, no, no, I'm cool.

01:22:05.000 And then it turns out they're not and they're lying and it's a trap and so many fucking feds.

01:22:09.000 So I kept my distance for a long time.

01:22:11.000 But then I thought, all right, you're against Israel, Israel getting money, right?

01:22:16.000 Yeah.

01:22:16.000 I know a lot of Israelis who are against the 3.5 billion.

01:22:20.000 They think we have our own GDP.

01:22:21.000 Fuck it.

01:22:22.000 You're against race mixing.

01:22:24.000 Yeah, but they don't want to legislate against it. 0.91

01:22:26.000 And they don't have a problem with my race mixing.

01:22:28.000 And when I went to the America First Thing at CPAC, there was not tons, but there was plenty of black dudes.

01:22:34.000 And then the closed borders thing, that and abortion are the core of conservatism.

01:22:40.000 So that's endorsed.

01:22:42.000 And the fact that they want to sustain America today means they're not totally against diversity.

01:22:47.000 Like Richard Spencer wants blacks to be shipped back to Africa.

01:22:51.000 So I think America First are doing a great service to the conservative movement.

01:22:55.000 And I also think that these pussy conservatives who like kick me out of CPAC, CPAC sucked this year. 1.00

01:23:03.000 The only fun part of CPAC was Jacob's press conference, me getting kicked out, and the Groipers coming in and harassing everyone. 0.99

01:23:11.000 The rest of it was like a brutal milquetoast collection of sad artisans who had blown way too much money on their little booths.

01:23:21.000 So these fucking pussy national review Fox News types who say, hey, look, we have a black friend get boring after a while. 1.00

01:23:31.000 People want adventure.

01:23:32.000 And young people, they don't like rules.

01:23:34.000 And these fucking, these, these, the Fox News type of mainstream conservatives, they just can't wait to tell you what not to do.

01:23:43.000 The Groipers are dangerous. 0.81

01:23:45.000 They remind me of, you know, the punk movement in the 70s.

01:23:48.000 Yeah, I for the conservative movement.

01:23:50.000 I agree.

01:23:52.000 That being said, though, I don't like Drag Queen Story Hour, but I don't have a problem with fags. 1.00

01:23:57.000 I think that gay marriage was sold to us as a Trojan horse, and I don't think they really believed what they were saying.

01:24:04.000 But to get involved in gay is wrong and stuff like that, I think young men are disgusted by homosexuals, and I understand why. 1.00

01:24:13.000 But it's not a hill to die on.

01:24:15.000 It's a waste of time.

01:24:16.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:24:18.000 Let's go back to the caller calls.

01:24:19.000 Okay, we're going to switch to the callers, y'all, and we'll be our B. You could leave the Discord up, though.

01:24:24.000 Why not?

01:24:24.000 It's more colorful than this stupid fake shelf.

01:24:26.000 I got to use this.

01:24:27.000 Oh, you got to go to the screen?

01:24:28.000 Yep.

01:24:29.000 If I get a magic mouse for this fucking thing, then I could use it.

01:24:32.000 Well, maybe you should have thought of that before we fucking started the show.

01:24:35.000 Well, I didn't think you wanted the background of the Discord.

01:24:38.000 How the hell would I suppose know that?

01:24:40.000 Jennifer.

01:24:41.000 She didn't know that.

01:24:42.000 Go ahead.

01:24:44.000 Go ahead, Jen.

01:24:47.000 Hi, the Gavin Rygai.

01:24:48.000 How are you guys doing?

01:24:49.000 Pretty good.

01:24:50.000 How are you?

01:24:52.000 I'm wonderful.

01:24:54.000 Well, first I wanted to know if you guys think Moist Talker will be playing at the Mercury Lounge when it opens back up.

01:25:01.000 When will it open back up?

01:25:06.000 Well, Gavin, I was hoping to restore your faith in the American housewife. 0.98

01:25:12.000 I'm not trying to brag or anything, but it just so happens that I'm everything just about that you think that you say a girl should be.

01:25:20.000 Yeah, you don't have to restore my faith in housewives. 1.00

01:25:22.000 I've always been pro-housewife to a fault.

01:25:28.000 Well, I guess I'm talking about the ones that you complain about, like the women in the workforce and oh no, people just, well, that's true. 1.00

01:25:40.000 Well, anyway, I'm a homeschool mom, and I got married very young, 20 years old, and I maintained my chastity, like you say, a good girl should do.

01:25:51.000 I quit school to have kids.

01:25:55.000 I just figure I don't need a degree to be a good mom.

01:25:58.000 Correct.

01:25:59.000 So I feel like it's kind of useless, like you said, like you've said.

01:26:08.000 I guess I'm calling because I have an idea to get Ryan married.

01:26:12.000 Okay, let's hear it.

01:26:14.000 Okay.

01:26:16.000 So I think the perfect way to get him married is, now you're going to see some problems with this, but I've already got all those figured out.

01:26:24.000 So in exchange for you paying off his $12,000 debt, you will gain complete control of his love life.

01:26:31.000 So whatever you say, go.

01:26:34.000 It has to be his own fault that he's not married because he's such a cutie and got a great personality and all that.

01:26:40.000 So I know he spends his money on really dumb stuff.

01:26:46.000 So anytime he's going to, he wants to buy something that's $100 or more, he has to pay you that money too.

01:26:55.000 Okay.

01:26:55.000 So maybe he'll think twice about...

01:27:03.000 Well, if you're the dictator and it's just you and Ryan.

01:27:07.000 Yeah, that's more like Pinochet, I guess.

01:27:09.000 What?

01:27:10.000 I already got him that chick. 0.96

01:27:11.000 I already siphoned.

01:27:13.000 I already rifled through all the chicks in his Rolodex, and I chose that Texas chick with the blonde hair who got accused of being an ethot, but she's just like a political activist on the right. 1.00

01:27:22.000 What's her name again?

01:27:24.000 I don't think she wants to be a public person at all anymore.

01:27:26.000 That's why she developed her. 1.00

01:27:27.000 What's her name?

01:27:28.000 She deleted all her stuff.

01:27:29.000 What's her name?

01:27:29.000 Not saying it.

01:27:30.000 Yes, you are.

01:27:31.000 No, she deleted all of her stuff.

01:27:32.000 Okay, what's her name, please?

01:27:34.000 Frank Harry.

01:27:37.000 A fucking woman boy. 1.00

01:27:39.000 Well, see, my plan would fix that because he would have to do whatever you say.

01:27:45.000 Yeah, he would be indebted to you.

01:27:48.000 Sounds like we have the fascists.

01:27:50.000 And, you know, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink.

01:27:53.000 And if the horse is retarded, then you're really in trouble. 1.00

01:27:57.000 And that's where I'm at.

01:27:58.000 I mean, I've handed him so many bitches, so many hot chicks that are MAGA and everything. 1.00

01:28:04.000 And he's just like, oh, yeah, I had to answer the phone, and then I noticed that there was a pigeon flying outside, and I tried to catch it, but they're so fast, and they go up, high, high, high, high.

01:28:14.000 You can't get them in the sky.

01:28:16.000 They are retarded and deal. 1.00

01:28:19.000 What do you have to say for yourself?

01:28:21.000 Oh, I'm really not in a rush for all that.

01:28:25.000 I don't think I'm at a deficit of options.

01:28:29.000 I think.

01:28:30.000 No one's saying that.

01:28:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:32.000 So it's just, it's up to me.

01:28:33.000 Yep, thanks for your advice.

01:28:34.000 I appreciate it.

01:28:35.000 Thanks for calling.

01:28:36.000 But believe me, I've tried and I've just given up.

01:28:41.000 But what's that blonde chick's name? 1.00

01:28:43.000 Folks at home, you know who I'm talking about.

01:28:45.000 She runs a thing now where she helps populate conservative, like CPAC things. 1.00

01:28:51.000 She encourages conservatives to go check out certain things.

01:28:53.000 She's not even doing that anymore. 0.98

01:28:54.000 She's got blonde hair. 0.99

01:28:55.000 She's short. 0.83

01:28:56.000 She's from Texas. 1.00

01:28:58.000 She got attacked by Groipers, right? 1.00

01:29:01.000 Yeah, pretty much.

01:29:02.000 Ryan, we do a fucking news show here where it's not about secrets.

01:29:05.000 But she's not a public person anymore.

01:29:07.000 She deleted all of her things on purpose.

01:29:10.000 Hey, Nick.

01:29:11.000 You can't not be a public person anymore.

01:29:15.000 Hello?

01:29:16.000 Hey, bud.

01:29:17.000 Sorry.

01:29:18.000 I just wanted to say I have this week's Would You Rather question.

01:29:22.000 It's been a doozy for me, so I figured I'd ask the experts.

01:29:26.000 Okay, so a bartender pulls out two shot glasses, okay?

01:29:30.000 One shot glass has your dad's sperm in it, chilled, and the other glass with your mom's period blood. 0.91

01:29:36.000 All right.

01:29:37.000 Which one are you going to pick?

01:29:38.000 Gun to your head.

01:29:38.000 I don't know if you've been watching the show much, but we don't like when mom and dad get involved because you're saying ruin your relationship with your parents forever.

01:29:48.000 Shit, that's true.

01:29:49.000 That's true.

01:29:50.000 Mom is sexual, and menstrual blood is really just like an apartment for a dead, for a baby that never got lived in, so they got rid of it. 0.84

01:29:58.000 So it's more like shit.

01:29:59.000 So I would go with my mom's period blood.

01:30:02.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:30:04.000 In the future, people, try to avoid mom and dad in the Would You Rathers.

01:30:09.000 It's a cop-out.

01:30:11.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

01:30:14.000 We got Britt talking about unit 731.

01:30:21.000 Hello?

01:30:22.000 What is this?

01:30:22.000 Storage Wars?

01:30:26.000 No, Unit 731 was the Japanese Imperial Army, their scientific bioweapons experimentation unit. 0.83

01:30:34.000 And I was just calling to think, do you think that China absorbed a lot of those scientists?

01:30:40.000 And is that why they're so interested in bioweapons and biowarfare nowadays?

01:30:44.000 I mean, that's why I don't talk about coronavirus much on the show because it's out of my league.

01:30:49.000 But I'm trying to get Jim Goad to do a show on this network because he's a total expert on shit like that.

01:30:56.000 And he was telling me about Japan, you know, having these ceramic bombs of fleas that had syphilis that they were dropping on China and their own population just as an experiment. 0.76

01:31:08.000 So the number of government experiments where they've just massacred thousands of people by giving them these diseases is not uncommon.

01:31:17.000 I mean, the fucking smallpox blankets thing is a myth.

01:31:21.000 That was just a general suggesting it.

01:31:23.000 And another general said, no, we probably end up getting it.

01:31:25.000 But biowarfare is nothing new.

01:31:28.000 So I wouldn't put it past anyone.

01:31:30.000 My gut instinct with this, and I'm not an expert, but my gut instinct is they were developing plague-like viruses and working with them, not to cure people, but to hurt people.

01:31:43.000 And which is a dumb thing to do, which is why we didn't do the smallpox thing.

01:31:47.000 And someone got it on their fucking hands or something.

01:31:50.000 They went to the wet market, and that's where it spread.

01:31:55.000 I don't think it was from a bat at the wet market.

01:31:58.000 And that's another reason why we need stronger borders and we need to be more skeptical of China and their incompetence. 0.98

01:32:04.000 This plague could be incompetence.

01:32:06.000 Exactly.

01:32:06.000 China is SHO.

01:32:08.000 Yeah.

01:32:09.000 You guys should check out Unit 731.

01:32:10.000 The shit they did was pretty fucked up.

01:32:12.000 And a lot of what I've been reading about them lines right up with what the Chinese are doing today.

01:32:16.000 So that's all I wanted anyway, guys.

01:32:19.000 Doing a great job.

01:32:20.000 Thank you.

01:32:20.000 Thanks, man.

01:32:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:32:21.000 What are the chances he's not Canadian?

01:32:23.000 Zero.

01:32:24.000 Zero.

01:32:25.000 I can't identify Canadian accents, like their location.

01:32:30.000 I know in Vancouver, they use an A a lot more, and the Ottawa Valley has more of a singing Irish little. 0.96

01:32:37.000 Fucking look at this guy over here.

01:32:39.000 And then in, obviously, the East Coast is easy.

01:32:42.000 That's trailer park boys and all that. 1.00

01:32:43.000 But when we get to like Calgary, Winnipeg, and Ontario, I can't differentiate.

01:32:50.000 We got Experian David Sam Cedar.

01:32:56.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

01:32:58.000 Just had a question back when I guess it was Anna Kasperian's, whatever the name of that show she had was.

01:33:04.000 Anna Kasperian.

01:33:07.000 When she tried to accuse you of calling into David Packman's show, did anybody ever try to claim the money and actually think it was you?

01:33:17.000 Because it's very clearly, it doesn't even remotely sound like you.

01:33:21.000 But also, don't they have caller ID?

01:33:24.000 I have all your numbers, by the way, when you call in.

01:33:27.000 So couldn't he just call the guy back and see if it's me?

01:33:30.000 I don't understand.

01:33:31.000 And when she accused me of offering liberals money to be on the free speech show, that's because it's true. 0.84

01:33:39.000 I hired a firm to find liberals that I could pair up.

01:33:43.000 Getting conservatives is easy.

01:33:45.000 Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, boom, boom, boom.

01:33:47.000 They'll show up.

01:33:48.000 Half the time, they just say, pay my hotel and flight, Gavin, whatever.

01:33:51.000 But liberals are a nightmare.

01:33:54.000 The prices go from $5 to $20,000 sometimes.

01:33:58.000 And I just thought, fuck it, this isn't worth it anymore.

01:34:00.000 They're bitches. 1.00

01:34:01.000 And the fact that Anna turned down the money and thought that I was some cabillionaire, lady, we've got almost 16,000 subscribers paying $10 a month.

01:34:08.000 We have money in the bank.

01:34:10.000 The thought that you think there's this secret funder, this Soros guy who's controlling the behind the curtains just shows that she's fucking broke and thinks five grand is an insurmountable amount of money. 0.95

01:34:23.000 I am never going to financially.

01:34:25.000 Anybody think you actually sit there and watch David Pachman's show and hang on the line to see if you can get online with him just to say, oh, you should watch Censor.tv?

01:34:37.000 If I have free time, I want to catch up on our shows, Biggs, Milo.

01:34:42.000 I want to watch Soap's videos.

01:34:44.000 And then I might check out Anthony Coomi's show.

01:34:48.000 Why would I watch something like David Pachman or The Young Turks or any of these other shows?

01:34:53.000 Who the fuck has time?

01:34:55.000 Maybe if I wanted to see a liberal just to get annoyed and see what they're talking about, I might go to Rachel Madow or Chris Hayes or someone like that, but I'm not going to fiddle around with some fucking boring liberal YouTuber who thinks everyone's a Nazi.

01:35:11.000 But I'm talking to you here on a YouTube video.

01:35:12.000 Actually, you know what?

01:35:13.000 I just remembered now?

01:35:15.000 When they told me they had asked David Pachman, I was bummed because I thought, I don't want to see that fucking guy.

01:35:21.000 I don't like that guy.

01:35:23.000 He called Proud Boys racist.

01:35:27.000 We got Daniel.

01:35:29.000 A lot of the people they would say they were going to get, I went, oh, fuck.

01:35:32.000 I mean, I guess I did ask you to go get me liberals, but a lot of these people I want to fucking fight if we ever get within four feet of each other.

01:35:40.000 Who was the other one I was super bummed about?

01:35:44.000 Shit.

01:35:44.000 I can't remember.

01:35:46.000 Getting hip-hop wrong.

01:35:49.000 Is that right?

01:35:50.000 Gavin.

01:35:51.000 Yo.

01:35:54.000 Let's put on heels and fuck. 1.00

01:35:57.000 I got two.

01:35:59.000 Let me fuck you with my heels. 1.00

01:36:01.000 Quick, pompous corrections and then a comment.

01:36:04.000 Okay, I know what you're going to say, and you're wrong.

01:36:07.000 Gizza, that album sucked.

01:36:09.000 The best post-Wu-Tang solo album was Old Dirty Bastard.

01:36:14.000 Then it was Ghostface Killer with the Daytona 500 single.

01:36:18.000 And then, of course, it's the chef, Ray Kwan.

01:36:21.000 Gizza is basically Ugod.

01:36:26.000 That's completely untrue.

01:36:28.000 You God doesn't have lyrics.

01:36:29.000 Liquid swords.

01:36:30.000 Liquid sword in my ass.

01:36:33.000 You sound so ridiculous.

01:36:35.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:36:36.000 You sound ridiculous.

01:36:37.000 This thing was the goodie mob era.

01:36:39.000 Huh?

01:36:39.000 You sound ridiculous.

01:36:42.000 Yeah, a little bit.

01:36:45.000 You attributed Goody Mobs, They Don't Dance No More to Outcast. 1.00

01:36:50.000 So that was your first mistake.

01:36:51.000 I wasn't able to get through when you made the mistake, so I'm a little late.

01:36:54.000 They were a part of the same collective and recorded at the same time.

01:36:58.000 In other words, totally irrelevant distinction.

01:37:01.000 Goody Mob and Outcast were basically the same band.

01:37:05.000 No.

01:37:05.000 There was so much crossover with those guys back and forth.

01:37:09.000 Any songs Andre 3000 did with Goody Mob?

01:37:14.000 That's a fair point, but you're still technically incorrect.

01:37:17.000 And as far, you could ask any hip-hop head.

01:37:20.000 I'm a hip-hop head.

01:37:22.000 Arguably the best Wu-Tang solos were either Raekwon the Chef, you're right, only built for Cuban Lynx. 0.98

01:37:28.000 What am I wearing right now?

01:37:30.000 What's around my neck?

01:37:31.000 But Cuban Lynx. 0.99

01:37:33.000 Liquid Sword by Purists.

01:37:36.000 It's one of the best hip-hop records of all time.

01:37:39.000 Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.

01:37:41.000 The way that you shit it on it, it was almost unforgivable.

01:37:45.000 You know what I'm going to do to you?

01:37:47.000 I have that album, that vinyl, signed by Gizza.

01:37:52.000 I'm going to bring it on the show and smash it on camera just in case you're not going to be able to do it.

01:38:00.000 You're an asshole.

01:38:02.000 The comment, I voted for Obama twice, and I've voted for Hillary Clinton.

01:38:09.000 I'll definitely be voting for Trump this go-round, most of it on the strength of how horribly they represented you and how unfair all of these media outlets were to you.

01:38:23.000 I've known about you since you were on Compound, and I'm pretty familiar with your career.

01:38:28.000 And I've never heard you say anything remotely as grotesque as the things that got attributed to you.

01:38:34.000 You're constantly taken out of context, and the bullshit gets repeated over and over.

01:38:39.000 And it's a really shitty situation, but for any rational, relatively intelligent person watching it happen, it makes who's the good guy and the bad guy crystal clear.

01:38:50.000 Yes, thank you very much.

01:38:51.000 Thanks for calling.

01:38:52.000 And the thing that annoys me about that framing thing, too, is Tucker Carlson said this when they found some quote where he said, like, I make my maids and servants serve me on a gold tray or some very obvious joke.

01:39:05.000 And he goes, look, I'm on TV for an hour a night.

01:39:07.000 I mean, if you're curious about me, I'm right there.

01:39:10.000 And as far as me being like this horrible white supremacist ogre, go to YouTube.

01:39:14.000 Like, there's 9 billion videos of me ranting about shit.

01:39:19.000 You're not going to find one where you go, the goddamn Negro came over here to pick cotton. 1.00

01:39:25.000 And now he's stuck in our hair like a crow.

01:39:29.000 He's like a crow tangled in our hair.

01:39:31.000 We got to get him out and get him back to Africa. 1.00

01:39:34.000 Now we can have cruise ships.

01:39:36.000 Take them one by one.

01:39:37.000 It'll be a beautiful cruise.

01:39:39.000 And when you add up all the costs of the Negro, the cruise will be beneficial financially. 1.00

01:39:45.000 And as far as the Jew. 0.53

01:39:48.000 That's why I did that at NYU.

01:39:50.000 I did that guy.

01:39:51.000 And everyone went, what the fuck?

01:39:54.000 And I said, why are you freaked out?

01:39:56.000 You just pepper sprayed me because I was that guy.

01:39:59.000 So they don't even believe it.

01:40:00.000 But I got off easy, man.

01:40:02.000 I had a bad couple years.

01:40:03.000 My kids' social life was fucked with.

01:40:05.000 I didn't go to prison for four years.

01:40:08.000 I'm not Roger Stone.

01:40:10.000 I'm not looking at, I'm not, I might not possibly die in prison because I pissed off the feds by making a fucking typo.

01:40:20.000 That's when shit got real.

01:40:22.000 Is when I had feds in my house, I had the DA in my house. 1.00

01:40:25.000 I had my lawyers saying they're trying to make you the leader of the gang, and they're going to use this gang definition to throw those guys in prison.

01:40:33.000 Say it's not a gang.

01:40:34.000 Take yourself out of it.

01:40:35.000 Don't give them that.

01:40:37.000 Didn't help.

01:40:38.000 I actually don't know if it helped.

01:40:41.000 Saving money.

01:40:43.000 Hello.

01:40:45.000 Hey, guys.

01:40:46.000 Hey man.

01:40:48.000 Hey, I just want to say I really enjoyed the episode with Roger this week.

01:40:53.000 It was really good to see him.

01:40:55.000 He looked like he was in pretty decent spirits.

01:40:57.000 And his stuff on the JFK conspiracy really got me going again on that.

01:41:04.000 And I was looking at all like a bunch of material that's out there.

01:41:08.000 I got his book because it did seem really interesting, all the dots that he was connecting there.

01:41:14.000 One of the things I did was I remember this old episode of this conspiracy theory, Jesse Ventura.

01:41:21.000 And one of the weird things about that show was you can get season one, you can get season three, but season two is not available anywhere.

01:41:29.000 It's like they memory hold that.

01:41:33.000 You can't get it on iTunes, you can't get it on Amazon, you can't get it anywhere, you can't get it on DVD.

01:41:37.000 It's just completely gone.

01:41:38.000 And that's the season that has the JFK episode where they interview Lee Harvey Oswald's wife, where she says a bunch of stuff.

01:41:46.000 Wait a minute.

01:41:47.000 What show are we talking about?

01:41:48.000 Is this Jesse Ventura we're talking about?

01:41:50.000 Yes.

01:41:51.000 Yeah.

01:41:52.000 The second season of his show has been deleted.

01:41:57.000 It's gone.

01:41:58.000 Look on Amazon.

01:41:59.000 Look, try to order it there.

01:42:00.000 Try to order it on iTunes anywhere.

01:42:02.000 It doesn't tell you what it's going to be anywhere.

01:42:04.000 It's gone.

01:42:05.000 The deep state deleted.

01:42:07.000 It had too much reality in it.

01:42:09.000 They were scared of the truth.

01:42:12.000 I know, Jesse Ventura.

01:42:14.000 I could probably track him down and ask him about that.

01:42:17.000 Ask him that.

01:42:18.000 Ask him that.

01:42:19.000 That is such a weird thing.

01:42:20.000 There's a couple other episodes in that season, too.

01:42:22.000 The one about Plum Island, where supposedly that's where they developed Lyme disease and put it in ticks, and then that's when it got across the Long Island Sound to Lyme, Connecticut.

01:42:32.000 There's a couple other episodes in there that seem a little controversial, but I don't know why the whole season is just gone.

01:42:38.000 Title is unavailable.

01:42:39.000 That's two things I've got to do.

01:42:40.000 Break a Gizza record and contact Jesse Ventura. 0.57

01:42:44.000 Yeah, I was talking with Tucker Carlson about this a while ago, and I said, you know, even three years ago, if I'd say, Alex Jones, what will he think of next?

01:42:56.000 I mean, I always liked him, but I just thought he was way out there.

01:43:00.000 Roger Stone with his JFK stuff, I was like, okay, whatever, dude.

01:43:04.000 It was three different groups at the same time.

01:43:06.000 And now I am open to anything.

01:43:08.000 I used to hate truthers and think that was ridiculous.

01:43:11.000 But now I don't just take any, I'm not anyone's dog for a bone, but I'm open to anything now.

01:43:17.000 Well, not aliens, but anything else.

01:43:21.000 Jesse Ventura must know why they put that in the memory hole.

01:43:25.000 So it's going to be great.

01:43:26.000 Get him on and ask him.

01:43:28.000 All right.

01:43:28.000 Thanks for calling.

01:43:29.000 I'll check that out.

01:43:30.000 Want to go back to the Discord?

01:43:31.000 Sure.

01:43:31.000 Let's go back to the disco.

01:43:33.000 Hey, Cord.

01:43:33.000 This is how British people do American accents.

01:43:36.000 Hey, man, I want to go down to the disco, man.

01:43:40.000 It's going to be really cool.

01:43:41.000 I'll drink some beers.

01:43:43.000 This is like a total cool thing to do.

01:43:45.000 Oh, that's Europeans doing American accents. 1.00

01:43:49.000 Hey, y'all.

01:43:50.000 What's up, y'all?

01:43:51.000 We're back on the Discord.

01:43:52.000 Not sure you can hear me.

01:43:54.000 Not sure if you're ready.

01:43:56.000 Show the Discord to the peoples.

01:43:58.000 You are gay. 1.00

01:43:59.000 What?

01:44:00.000 Are you gay?

01:44:02.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

01:44:03.000 Vinny gay to the people ready.

01:44:05.000 That was good.

01:44:06.000 Yeah.

01:44:07.000 You are gay. 1.00

01:44:07.000 All right. 1.00

01:44:08.000 We're going to give Raylan one more shot.

01:44:10.000 Raylan, go.

01:44:12.000 Am I audible?

01:44:13.000 Yep.

01:44:14.000 Amen.

01:44:14.000 Yep.

01:44:15.000 Cool.

01:44:16.000 All right.

01:44:16.000 So, my question is: what advice do you have to someone who wants kids but is fucking terrified because of all the unknown variables and complete change of lifestyle?

01:44:26.000 All right.

01:44:26.000 Thanks.

01:44:27.000 Like you more than friend.

01:44:28.000 I felt ugly.

01:44:29.000 I felt gay.

01:44:31.000 Just stop thinking so much.

01:44:33.000 You know, the best way to get a job done is to turn your brain off.

01:44:36.000 When I was a tree planter in Northern Ontario, it's a really monotonous job and you got to dig a hole every six feet.

01:44:42.000 You get paid eight cents a tree.

01:44:44.000 So you better plant a lot of fucking cheese. 0.75

01:44:46.000 And we would make like 10 grand of eight cent trees.

01:44:50.000 And that, the secret of that was just turning off your brain.

01:44:52.000 Same if you're jumping off a cliff into a swimming hole.

01:44:55.000 Stop thinking so much.

01:44:56.000 Just be like, I'm an idiot.

01:44:57.000 And jump in.

01:44:59.000 Same with going up to a girl, talking to her. 0.80

01:45:02.000 Sometimes I find if you're really freaked out in a situation like even a fight, say you're going to get into a fist fight, you leave your body and you float up about 20 feet above your body and you go, now you're just playing a video game and you go, go fight him.

01:45:16.000 And now this empty shell has to go in and start fighting some dude.

01:45:21.000 And then you're like, wow, it looks like I might be winning this one.

01:45:23.000 Oh, no, maybe not.

01:45:25.000 Similar motherfucker fights. 0.96

01:45:27.000 Having kids, like it works itself out.

01:45:29.000 Plus, by the way, when it comes out, the endorphins are surging through your head.

01:45:34.000 So it's not like I took a newborn baby from the hospital and just plopped it in your house and said, go work on that, fucking feed it.

01:45:41.000 The love that is emanating from your chest, it's gay to talk about. 1.00

01:45:46.000 It's so incredible.

01:45:46.000 It's like it's like you became a junkie and someone gave you unlimited heroin.

01:45:51.000 So you love wiping their ass.

01:45:54.000 You love all this shit.

01:45:55.000 It's not scary because you have this Darwinian reward going, this magical endorphin that's saying, you're doing the right thing.

01:46:04.000 This is awesome.

01:46:07.000 Like my phone is my family.

01:46:10.000 And every time I see them to unlock it, I just get this surge of dopamine.

01:46:16.000 All right.

01:46:16.000 Next, we got up user Savage Sam.

01:46:19.000 Sam, go.

01:46:20.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:46:21.000 Hey, man.

01:46:22.000 I have a YouTube channel, and I've noticed that ever since this quarantine started, me and a bunch of other smaller conservative YouTube channels have started to disappear off people's feeds.

01:46:36.000 Do you think that's weird considering what's going on with Corona?

01:46:41.000 And how would you suggest that we get around that?

01:46:44.000 Speaking.

01:46:45.000 Yeah, it's a tough call.

01:46:46.000 You know, I was talking to Slightly Offensive yesterday.

01:46:49.000 I don't know if that's aired yet or if they're still editing it, but we were talking about this sort of wall.

01:46:54.000 Big tech built a wall.

01:46:56.000 And if Fleckis came out today, he would get maybe 25 views.

01:47:01.000 He would not be Austin Fleckis.

01:47:02.000 You won't have heard of him.

01:47:05.000 It's hard for anyone new to appear on the scene.

01:47:08.000 Like, why did people follow me to censor.tv?

01:47:12.000 Because they heard of me before.

01:47:13.000 If you started a censored.tv right now, how the fuck are you going to advertise it?

01:47:19.000 How are you going to get enough people to make it monetizable?

01:47:22.000 And as far as YouTube goes, I don't know.

01:47:24.000 I mean, I think the secret is to focus on new and different platforms like that Nick Fuentes thing and DLive, whatever that is, Telegram, Parlor, This Discord is cool, Reddit.

01:47:39.000 We just have to keep moving, keep mobilizing because we're at war.

01:47:44.000 This is a culture war that went from an ethereal concept five years ago where it's like, they kind of gay and we're kind of awesome and that's lame to like friends in prison.

01:47:54.000 You can't use Chase Bank anymore.

01:47:57.000 Your daughter can't go to this school. 0.97

01:47:59.000 You can't go to this hotel.

01:48:01.000 Like things have fucking ramped up to matrix levels.

01:48:06.000 Yeah, it is really hard for smaller channels to grow, I've noticed.

01:48:11.000 Oh yeah, my channel is, I used to get 100K easy on videos.

01:48:14.000 Now it's 23K and subscribers tell me they don't get notifications when I put a new video up.

01:48:20.000 Yeah, I only have 630 and people DM me all the time saying that they don't get notifications from me.

01:48:27.000 And I'm like, well, I don't know what to tell you.

01:48:29.000 Oh, if you only have 630 subscribers, I shouldn't be wasting my time talking to you.

01:48:35.000 Sorry, thanks for calling.

01:48:37.000 In the future, guys, don't talk to me like you're a peer if you don't have any followers or fans or anything.

01:48:45.000 Can we do no more nobodies?

01:48:46.000 We're running out of time here.

01:48:48.000 We've only got 10 minutes.

01:48:49.000 Let's have a nobody free zone.

01:48:51.000 All right.

01:48:52.000 Next, we got user Waka Flocka Frost.

01:48:55.000 Better be a somebody.

01:48:58.000 Hey, I know how you like freaks and all that.

01:49:01.000 Have you heard of the Bogdanoff twins at all?

01:49:04.000 Can I get like a reaction to those guys from you?

01:49:08.000 What are these now?

01:49:09.000 Fans of Judas Priest?

01:49:10.000 We're talking about Judas Priest?

01:49:12.000 I don't know.

01:49:12.000 I guess they have powers beyond human powers.

01:49:16.000 I don't know, but like, I don't know.

01:49:17.000 I just look it up.

01:49:18.000 Oh, those guys are awesome.

01:49:18.000 I don't know.

01:49:21.000 Yeah, I love looking at those guys.

01:49:23.000 What the hell's up with that?

01:49:25.000 Isn't it weird how two brothers have the same terrible idea to massacre themselves?

01:49:30.000 Like, you'd think if your brother goes, hey, I'm going to start to fuck my face up and make myself into a freak and have a big chin implant and look like a weird lion model.

01:49:42.000 You go, well, I don't know why you're doing that, Kyle.

01:49:45.000 But his brother goes, yes, let's do it.

01:49:47.000 Let's get started.

01:49:50.000 Yeah, let's check those guys out.

01:49:51.000 You got any video footage of them?

01:49:53.000 Guys, we're going to meet y'all for a second.

01:49:53.000 I do.

01:49:56.000 Sorry, we got to dump you to watch the twins.

01:49:59.000 But what did he say at the beginning?

01:50:00.000 I know you like priest?

01:50:01.000 Freaks.

01:50:01.000 Oh, freaks.

01:50:02.000 From Evu?

01:50:03.000 Bye.

01:50:04.000 French, right?

01:50:08.000 Is he funny?

01:50:11.000 Wouldn't that be weird if he was hilarious, like an awesome dude?

01:50:14.000 And you'd want to have him over at the house for dinner, but he made the kids cry.

01:50:18.000 He made sound.

01:50:22.000 Psychic powers evidence.

01:50:28.000 Just a monte's been laughing weird.

01:50:30.000 The host puked, then ran off stage.

01:50:33.000 I guess what he said, something that was so funny.

01:50:36.000 Maybe they were supposed to have done that or something?

01:50:38.000 Like, that was the test?

01:50:39.000 I think it's a joke.

01:50:41.000 All right, let's take.

01:50:42.000 We got 10 more minutes, or 6, 7, 8 minutes.

01:50:48.000 By the way, speaking of destroying footage, Lou Reed has a really queer album called New Sensations that's unbelievably corny. 1.00

01:50:57.000 It's a cringe record.

01:50:58.000 I took my GPZ out for a ride.

01:51:01.000 That's a gay little scooter. 1.00

01:51:02.000 The engine felt good between my thighs.

01:51:05.000 I love that GPZ so much, you know, that I could kiss it.

01:51:10.000 And I think he was on heroin when he made it.

01:51:12.000 It's unbelievably bad.

01:51:14.000 I can't find it anywhere.

01:51:15.000 It's not on Spotify.

01:51:17.000 I think he was so embarrassed of it.

01:51:18.000 He had it just deleted from the world.

01:51:21.000 I helped him.

01:51:23.000 Who's next on the Q?

01:51:26.000 Who's next?

01:51:26.000 We got up user Vincent.

01:51:29.000 Hey there, Gab.

01:51:30.000 Hey, Ryan.

01:51:31.000 How y'all doing?

01:51:32.000 Pritz good.

01:51:33.000 Pritz good.

01:51:35.000 First and foremost, Illmatic is the greatest hip-hop album of all time.

01:51:39.000 And I know you...

01:51:41.000 What's that, Nas?

01:51:44.000 No, thank you.

01:51:45.000 Yeah, so I've never heard you talking about hanging about in like Queensbridge or hanging out in like the hood of New York or nothing like that.

01:51:51.000 So how does Gavin end up with Nas making a phone app?

01:51:57.000 Yeah, how did we end up with Nas?

01:52:00.000 I wrote about him a bunch and I interviewed him for NME, but I think it was through a record label, the hip-hop record label.

01:52:13.000 One of the marketing guys from there knew him and brought us together to work on that.

01:52:18.000 And it really had nothing to do with Nas and I knowing each other.

01:52:22.000 It had to do with this in-between guy knowing that we were the only people he knew that had some money to invest.

01:52:27.000 And it wasn't really a phone app.

01:52:29.000 It was an app where when people come into your store, they have to use your Wi-Fi.

01:52:36.000 But as soon as you sign up to it, we now know everything you do in the store.

01:52:40.000 So we would provide the retailer with these really in-depth graphs of like everyone was looking at hats the whole time they're in your store.

01:52:48.000 No one ever even goes to the shoe section.

01:52:50.000 So he could go, I should just drop the shoes and have more hats.

01:52:53.000 That's the shit.

01:52:56.000 And, you know, people consented to that when they signed up for the Wi-Fi.

01:52:59.000 But no, I'm not very close with Nas.

01:53:01.000 I've only met him a handful of times, but I like him.

01:53:04.000 I think he's a smart guy.

01:53:06.000 Although he did say one thing, retarded.

01:53:08.000 We're saying retard way too much, by the way, this episode. 0.99

01:53:11.000 We've got to cut that word out.

01:53:12.000 He had some rant once in a song, and thanks for calling, by the way, about how we need to start working with black-owned businesses and we should drive on black-owned highways and use black trucking companies and black manufacturers and black restaurant suppliers. 0.91

01:53:28.000 What?

01:53:29.000 You know that you're 14% of the population, right?

01:53:32.000 You're really hindering yourself if you're only riding on a highway that was built by black highwaymen. 1.00

01:53:39.000 It's not going to happen.

01:53:40.000 Bar, make sure you're unmuted. 0.97

01:53:41.000 Go on now.

01:53:42.000 What's up?

01:53:43.000 Shortly.

01:53:43.000 Good evening.

01:53:44.000 Good evening, Gavin and Ryan.

01:53:47.000 Hello.

01:53:48.000 Hello.

01:53:49.000 I'm the guy with the small nose, by the way.

01:53:51.000 I'm back.

01:53:53.000 Okay.

01:53:54.000 I'm the guy with the small care.

01:53:58.000 Oh my gosh.

01:54:00.000 Anyways, mostly for Gavin, maybe for Ryan, do you guys have to squeeze the base of your penis to achieve initial penetration? 0.77

01:54:08.000 Or has the lack of porn kind of fixed that for you?

01:54:12.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:12.000 No, I haven't had to do that in forever.

01:54:16.000 I still have trouble if I'm blackout drunk, but not as much.

01:54:21.000 No, not really, actually.

01:54:23.000 It sort of figures itself out.

01:54:25.000 And one thing I did learn very recently, though, was I used to have my foreskin back because your foreskin naturally recedes when you get an erection.

01:54:33.000 So then I would have to get lube or something if she wasn't wet enough to get in there, right? 1.00

01:54:38.000 And then I was like, wait a minute, push the foreskin forward, get it to the door, and then you just push and the foreskin goes back and the penis is in.

01:54:50.000 I didn't know, I didn't think of that till like two years ago.

01:54:53.000 But yeah, quitting porn is the blue chew.

01:54:57.000 It's a poor man's blue chew.

01:55:01.000 Next.

01:55:02.000 All right, next we got user Jenks.

01:55:06.000 Hey, can you hear me?

01:55:08.000 Mike! 0.69

01:55:10.000 All right, good.

01:55:10.000 I'm not muted.

01:55:12.000 First off, the Budweiser gold that you drank in that first bunker episode, fucking amazing.

01:55:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:20.000 You got to put it, it has to be very cold, though.

01:55:24.000 Yeah.

01:55:24.000 And I usually don't like foam, but for some reason, I don't mind it on that.

01:55:28.000 On a bud, nice.

01:55:29.000 Well, what I noticed is that when it's very cold, because it says they have port hard, not a ton of head when it's cold.

01:55:37.000 Ah, I see.

01:55:39.000 And then the other thing I found out about the show, it's called Nirvana the Band, the Show.

01:55:48.000 And the Vice TV network ran it, really.

01:55:54.000 It's a little old now.

01:55:56.000 I don't know if you've ever heard of it.

01:55:58.000 No.

01:56:00.000 So it's kind of your Steez a little bit.

01:56:03.000 It's like a two-man band, and the concept is every episode they're trying to play at this bar called the Rively.

01:56:12.000 And then something comes up and they have some wacky adventure.

01:56:18.000 And apart from these two protagonists, there's some kind of improv there, and they kind of bring their own style.

01:56:24.000 I felt it was kind of your style.

01:56:26.000 I thought it might be a good recommendation.

01:56:28.000 And I thought it was kind of ironic that it was on fucking Vice Land.

01:56:32.000 So no question, but I was going to recommend quarantine recommendation.

01:56:37.000 It's called Nirvana to Ban the Show.

01:56:40.000 Nothing to do with Nirvana at all.

01:56:41.000 It's like a weird comedy show.

01:56:43.000 Yeah, I'll check it out.

01:56:44.000 In like Toronto.

01:56:46.000 I'll check it out.

01:56:47.000 It was weird after I left the strange ways they would sort of, my spirit would haunt the brand, and they tried to do my humor, and they tried to do do's and don'ts.

01:56:57.000 I'll never forget one.

01:56:59.000 I think it was Andy Capper Who ran Vice UK at the time?

01:57:02.000 He took over do's and don'ts.

01:57:03.000 I don't know who told him he's funny, but he said, You're wearing combat trousers and a techno shirt, implying that combat trousers you should be hunting or something.

01:57:14.000 And he goes, Those two things together make no sense.

01:57:17.000 By the way, brevity is wit.

01:57:18.000 This is very long.

01:57:20.000 And then he said, the least funny line I've ever heard, he said, you might as well be wearing a sandwich ball that says, I am insane.

01:57:31.000 All right.

01:57:32.000 Next, we got up user Obamagon.

01:57:34.000 Obamagon.

01:57:40.000 Okay.

01:57:41.000 All right.

01:57:43.000 Next, we got up user Soshi.

01:57:47.000 I don't care what their names are.

01:57:49.000 All right.

01:57:49.000 Well, then I'll just let them go.

01:57:53.000 Black Jesus, go. 1.00

01:57:55.000 Hey, I got a real problem.

01:57:58.000 Have you heard of Amway?

01:58:00.000 Amway, like the boring insurance company?

01:58:04.000 No.

01:58:06.000 No, like the pyramid scheme company.

01:58:07.000 The pyramid scheme where you sell trinkets.

01:58:09.000 Yes, yes.

01:58:11.000 All right.

01:58:11.000 So I got a buddy who's got involved with that about six months ago.

01:58:16.000 Me and my friends have been trying to convince him to get out of it forever, but the more we bring him valid points and try and get him out of it, the more he doubles down on it.

01:58:25.000 Basically, our point is he's wasting his time fucking probably 20, 30 hours a week making $50 a month.

01:58:33.000 We're just trying to get him out of it.

01:58:35.000 His reasons to be in it are really genuine.

01:58:38.000 He just wants to get his wife home to take care of his kid. 0.97

01:58:42.000 That's what he tells everyone.

01:58:45.000 How would that get his wife home? 0.97

01:58:46.000 Why didn't he just work at McDonald's?

01:58:48.000 That pays a lot better than $50 a month.

01:58:51.000 Well, see, he's a technician for a cat.

01:58:55.000 He works like 80 hours a week between farming and that he makes like $100,000 a year.

01:59:04.000 So he's got a really good job, but he's trying to do this to get his wife home to take care of his kid.

01:59:10.000 But really, we're just trying to convince him to go home and be like a, you know, be a mechanic, like pay him to do oil changes and shit, make actual money for his time.

01:59:21.000 So, well, my question is, how do we convince him to get out of this?

01:59:25.000 I'm out of ideas.

01:59:27.000 Relentless mockery.

01:59:29.000 You have to make up cruel nicknames for him.

01:59:32.000 You have to call him Amway Pants.

01:59:34.000 You have to relentlessly ridicule this guy until he is embarrassed that he's wasting all this fucking time with a scam that goes.

01:59:43.000 What does pyramid schemes go back to?

01:59:44.000 Probably to the pyramids.

01:59:46.000 It's probably a 5,000-year-old scam.

01:59:50.000 And the fact that people are still falling for it, like with Bernie Sanders, is downright embarrassing.

01:59:55.000 You have to do what you would do to obese people, which is constantly ridicule them.

02:00:00.000 Okay, folks, that's the show.

02:00:02.000 Thanks for calling in.

02:00:04.000 We'll see you on Monday.

02:00:05.000 We've got a great revenge prank planned for Milo tomorrow night.

02:00:10.000 That's going to be very enjoyable.

02:00:11.000 We have a new show on censored.tv.

02:00:16.000 Jacob Wall will be debuting his new show, Man Up, it's called.

02:00:23.000 I'm still trying to get Jim Goad.

02:00:25.000 And Loomer should have a new episode up probably on Saturday or something like that.

02:00:30.000 I don't want to bombard you on Friday, but.

02:00:32.000 Copper Cab also.

02:00:33.000 When's Copper Cab going up?

02:00:35.000 Tomorrow.

02:00:36.000 Oh, so we have two Friday shows.

02:00:38.000 All right.

02:00:38.000 I like you more than a friend.

02:00:39.000 And I'll see you on Monday.

02:00:41.000 And get fired, get in trouble.

02:00:42.000 Oh, yeah.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 11, 2020

GOML LIVE #42 - RYAN'S APARTMENT

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