Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #5 | I MET A JUNKIE BARTENDER LAST NIGHT

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness Meeting on my friends with home in September.

00:00:29.000 They say we're scared for nothing.

00:00:31.000 There's no way we ever could.

00:00:37.000 So we've been talking all week on the show, the show on free speech.tv, not the podcast, about people ripping off other people.

00:00:46.000 Because I discovered a song by Jeff Beck that was definitely the impetus for a song on the Replacements album, Sorry Ma Forgot to Take Out the Trash.

00:00:55.000 And then we sort of went off on a tangent doing each show with songs that are stolen.

00:01:01.000 And that was sent by a viewer who said, hey, man, check out John Mayer.

00:01:06.000 What's the name of that song?

00:01:08.000 Waiting on the World to Change.

00:01:10.000 Waiting on the World to Change.

00:01:12.000 It's even got the same sort of vibe as what it ripped off, which is Curtis Mayfield's, people get ready.

00:01:19.000 There's a change a coming.

00:01:23.000 Is it the chorus?

00:01:24.000 Should I pass forward to that?

00:01:27.000 No, that's fine.

00:01:28.000 It's pretty clear already.

00:01:31.000 Doodley doodle doodle do people get ready.

00:01:35.000 There's a trainer coming.

00:01:40.000 You don't need no baggage.

00:01:42.000 You just get on and they go back to John Mayer.

00:01:46.000 What a dink.

00:01:51.000 No, the very beginnings were really four bars of drums. 0.74

00:01:59.000 one two I feel it.

00:02:13.000 It's so weird they do that in court.

00:02:15.000 They'll play that in a courtroom and the judge has to sit there and go, doodle-dee-doo. 1.00

00:02:20.000 Like, I think Vanilla Ice got away with Under Pressure because Under Pressure is Doon, Doon, Doon, Doodle, Doon, Doon.

00:02:28.000 And he was Doon Doon Doon Didlende or something like that. 0.93

00:02:31.000 You got to change it just a tiny bit.

00:02:33.000 Yeah, there's a sample.

00:02:37.000 Am I going to get in trouble for this?

00:02:39.000 Yes.

00:02:41.000 We're not putting this on YouTube, but am I going to get a bunch of copyright violations for discussing this?

00:02:46.000 It should be, you're allowed to talk about songs.

00:02:49.000 You have to talk about songs.

00:02:52.000 Sorry, you have to have the right to talk about songs.

00:02:54.000 I would say, yo, give me a piece of that.

00:02:56.000 You know, that's all, I mean, why are you showing this, Ryan?

00:02:59.000 Because there's dun dun dun da dun.

00:03:03.000 An interview with vanilla.

00:03:05.000 They say, oh, he's a.

00:03:06.000 I thought that was the one where he goes, you remember that famous clip?

00:03:09.000 Where he goes, really?

00:03:09.000 No.

00:03:11.000 Yeah, he goes, ours goes, dun, dun, dun, dig, dun, dun, and their goes, dan, dan, dan, dig, dan, dan.

00:03:16.000 It's itty-bitty change.

00:03:17.000 You ever seen that? 0.98

00:03:18.000 Oh, it's fucking great. 0.99

00:03:18.000 No. 0.99

00:03:21.000 Well, you dig it up.

00:03:22.000 I think I got it.

00:03:27.000 And just to prove his point, Vanilla breaks it down and sings the dings. 0.96

00:03:31.000 Ding, ding, ding, diggy, ding, ding.

00:03:34.000 Ding, ding, ding, diggy, ding, ding.

00:03:36.000 Ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:03:37.000 That's the way theirs goes.

00:03:38.000 Ours goes.

00:03:38.000 Ding, ding, ding, diggy, ding, ding.

00:03:40.000 Ding, ding, ding, ding, diggy, ding, ding.

00:03:42.000 That little bitty change.

00:03:44.000 I'm supposed to be black and white, aren't I, genius?

00:03:47.000 Yes.

00:03:48.000 You're so bad at your job, guy. 1.00

00:03:50.000 You're a fucking loser. 1.00

00:03:55.000 This is the Thursday show. 1.00

00:03:56.000 It's a very loosey-goosey show, and it is really just a vidcast of the podcast.

00:04:02.000 That's why it's in black and white.

00:04:04.000 I saw some people were peeved that I did an audio podcast on Monday.

00:04:09.000 I didn't deny you any content.

00:04:10.000 I still did the video show that evening.

00:04:14.000 But I won't do that anymore if you don't want me to.

00:04:17.000 Jeez.

00:04:18.000 Sorry.

00:04:19.000 Gat.

00:04:20.000 We'll probably take calls in about half an hour.

00:04:22.000 We've got a lot to discuss.

00:04:23.000 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:04:30.000 My son brought up a good point the other day, and I just spaced on it.

00:04:33.000 Farts.

00:04:34.000 Is it voice notes?

00:04:35.000 Yeah, I don't like when we make this particular show like the other shows where we have to go through the news and talk about all this. 0.99

00:04:41.000 I'd rather just this was the shooting the shit show. 0.99

00:04:43.000 Yeah, me too. 1.00

00:04:46.000 I went to a bar last night. 0.84

00:04:47.000 Oh, farts.

00:04:50.000 I forgot to make the first sentence this show again.

00:04:53.000 Yikes.

00:04:54.000 Well, you want to start it now?

00:04:58.000 I met an ex-junkie bartender last night.

00:05:01.000 That's the beginning of the show.

00:05:02.000 Perfect.

00:05:02.000 And you remember that?

00:05:04.000 Writing on the show. 0.98

00:05:05.000 I met an ex-junk. 0.86

00:05:07.000 It's so hard to write. 1.00

00:05:07.000 Wow. 1.00

00:05:10.000 Period.

00:05:12.000 In the era of no keyboards.

00:05:14.000 And then an ex-junkie.

00:05:17.000 I mean, I met an ex-junkie bartender last night.

00:05:21.000 See, here's the deal with bartenders. 0.95

00:05:23.000 Yes, they can be women. 1.00

00:05:25.000 I know I've said women have infiltrated the last little bastions of masculinity we have, which are barbershops and bars. 1.00

00:05:33.000 But I don't mind a female barmaid. 1.00

00:05:35.000 And they do this in Glasgow a lot because in Glasgow, things ramp up real fast.

00:05:42.000 And so what the barmaids do is they calm down the men and they sort of have this matriarchy, this very maternal thing. 1.00

00:05:49.000 We're like, watch it, easy pal.

00:05:51.000 And the easy pal will be if he swears. 1.00

00:05:54.000 See these fucking people and hear you. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Watch it now. 0.99

00:05:58.000 Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, bad language, bad language.

00:06:00.000 And you go, Jesus, we're at a bar.

00:06:01.000 Can you relax?

00:06:02.000 Why are you monitoring a swear word? 0.97

00:06:04.000 No, they have to do that because it'll ramp up and it'll go from fucking to banging to see you and then a shove and then the whole place is in disarray. 0.96

00:06:12.000 So you have to keep Glaswegians on a very short leash. 1.00

00:06:16.000 It's just the nature of the beast.

00:06:17.000 One time I was there and this guy did exactly what I just said and she goes, hear you.

00:06:24.000 He goes, sorry, sorry.

00:06:25.000 And then he looks to me and goes, I'm really sorry about that.

00:06:27.000 And I go, you don't have to apologize to me.

00:06:30.000 And then he goes, I'm not apologizing.

00:06:32.000 You think I'm apologizing to you?

00:06:34.000 And I had to say, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:06:36.000 You gots to chill.

00:06:38.000 So he's apologizing to you and then resenting it. 1.00

00:06:42.000 I think he might have been so stupid he doesn't know what the word apologize means. 0.99

00:06:45.000 Oh, I see what you mean. 1.00

00:06:47.000 So I think he thinks sorry isn't an apology.

00:06:50.000 Apology is like when you are really solipsystic.

00:06:53.000 Yeah.

00:06:53.000 Which is another word that you don't even know.

00:06:56.000 Apsolcystic?

00:06:57.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:06:59.000 What is the actual word?

00:07:00.000 I want to learn.

00:07:01.000 Solipsistic.

00:07:02.000 Solipsistic.

00:07:03.000 It means sort of like sycophantic.

00:07:05.000 Solipsistic.

00:07:06.000 Okay.

00:07:08.000 I know sycophantic.

00:07:10.000 Okay.

00:07:10.000 Yeah.

00:07:11.000 Now you got me paranoid that I got the word wrong.

00:07:14.000 Somebody did write in that you used the word sentience wrong.

00:07:20.000 Sentience?

00:07:21.000 Sentience?

00:07:22.000 Yes, sentience.

00:07:23.000 Oh, I'm wrong.

00:07:30.000 Solipsism is the philosophical idea that only one's mind is sure to exist.

00:07:34.000 As an epistemological position, solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside of one's own mind is unsure.

00:07:42.000 Really?

00:07:43.000 So what does solipsistic mean?

00:07:47.000 Love relating to it characterized by extreme egocentricity.

00:07:53.000 I guess that's where the solo comes from, the prefix?

00:07:57.000 Solipsism?

00:07:59.000 Played by a ferocious cast of non-actors that dead-end adolescent rebels in kids are like a wolf pack of baby sociopaths leaping from one solipsistic sensation to the next.

00:08:08.000 Yeah, it's self-indulgent.

00:08:10.000 So I was right.

00:08:14.000 So there's narcissistic, solipsistic.

00:08:17.000 No, no, I was wrong.

00:08:18.000 I'm still wrong.

00:08:19.000 Oh.

00:08:22.000 He, Jesus, this beginning is going slow. 1.00

00:08:25.000 He's saying, I think he thinks that an apology is where you're kissing someone's ass. 0.99

00:08:30.000 That's not solipsistic. 1.00

00:08:31.000 Solipsistic would mean me expecting to have my ass kissed. 1.00

00:08:34.000 Yes. 1.00

00:08:35.000 Anyway, so, but women in barbershops sucks. 1.00

00:08:35.000 All right. 1.00

00:08:40.000 You can't joke around.

00:08:41.000 You can't do the rude jokes.

00:08:42.000 Don't bring kids. 0.52

00:08:43.000 There are places where, you know, there's little kid barbershops.

00:08:46.000 Bring them there.

00:08:47.000 You bring them to the real barbershop. 0.96

00:08:48.000 We can't make any of our gross sex jokes. 1.00

00:08:51.000 Like, why do black guys get their barbershops? 1.00

00:08:54.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:08:55.000 Women aren't in black barbershops. 1.00

00:08:56.000 I guess because their hair is more complex. 0.63

00:08:58.000 But women don't get their haircut. 1.00

00:08:59.000 They bring their kids. 0.99

00:09:01.000 And then sometimes you'll have a funky lesbian in there, which, I guess that's okay if she's a real dyke who likes dirty jokes and stuff. 1.00

00:09:10.000 But if she just has a funky do, then no, get out of here. 1.00

00:09:14.000 No straight women allowed in barbershops, which I've lost that battle, by the way. 1.00

00:09:18.000 I'm just saying I'm talking about heaven.

00:09:21.000 And then in bars, I don't know, there's bars, there's social bars. 0.99

00:09:24.000 I met my wife in a bar, so if this law was passed, I'd be fucked. 0.97

00:09:28.000 But dive bars, can we just have dive bars? 0.99

00:09:33.000 I mean, the way they drink, they can't handle their liquor. 1.00

00:09:36.000 They order stupid drinks that take forever. 1.00

00:09:38.000 And after two drinks, they start speaking Chinese. 1.00

00:09:41.000 Which I enjoy.

00:09:43.000 I very much appreciate that.

00:09:44.000 Well, speaking of Chinese, we have Kathy Zhu on the show today.

00:09:48.000 She was the beauty pageant winner who was considered the prettiest girl in Michigan. 0.55

00:09:55.000 Yes. 0.97

00:09:57.000 Until they discovered that she's MAGA and she, poof, instantly became ugly. 0.98

00:10:02.000 And they took away her title.

00:10:04.000 Not the prettiest girl anymore.

00:10:07.000 Because she espouses hate. 0.97

00:10:10.000 And the swarm of bees that is the modern left discovered two tweets from years ago. 0.98

00:10:16.000 One of them said black-on-black violence is a problem.

00:10:19.000 The other implied that the hijab is oppressive. 0.70

00:10:23.000 It is. 0.99

00:10:25.000 You know what I love about the left, too, with this hijab shit, is they have Wear a Hijab Day, where they encourage everyone to show their love of Muslims. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Muslims don't want you to wear a hijab, like real Muslims. 1.00

00:10:38.000 That's like Wear a Yarmaka Day. 0.98

00:10:40.000 Jews don't appreciate you wearing a Yarmakah. 1.00

00:10:42.000 It's not your religion. 0.98

00:10:43.000 Don't do my religion if it's not my religion.

00:10:46.000 That's the definition of blasphemy. 0.97

00:10:47.000 But the best was at the Women's March, where they had rainbow hijabs because it's pro-gay. 0.99

00:10:55.000 Islam is like spinning in its grave. 1.00

00:10:58.000 And then they had men, male feminists, walking up and getting hijabs that were like American flag hijabs or rainbow hijabs. 1.00

00:11:05.000 And I'm thinking, you guys are doing a way better job of fighting the bad guy than I am.

00:11:10.000 This artist is like, I even drew Muhammad for you guys.

00:11:10.000 Yeah.

00:11:15.000 Look.

00:11:15.000 Isn't that pretty?

00:11:16.000 And I'm wearing a rainbow burqa that says, trans people must live. 1.00

00:11:23.000 Okay.

00:11:24.000 It's like Johnny Rotten when he said that Princess Dai did a better job of destroying the monarchy than God Save the Queen.

00:11:24.000 Fine.

00:11:32.000 Damn. 1.00

00:11:33.000 The left is doing such a good job of winning the election for Trump. 1.00

00:11:37.000 The goon squad of Ilhan Omar, the black chick, Rashida Talib, and who's the other one? 0.98

00:11:46.000 Ilhan Omar.

00:11:47.000 There's the one who praises terrorists, and she blocked a bill recently that was meant to prevent terrorists profiting from their terrorism, like writing a book about it or something. 0.99

00:11:47.000 Damn it. 0.99

00:12:01.000 She blocked that bill. 1.00

00:12:01.000 So she wants the terrorists to make sure they can make good money. 1.00

00:12:05.000 And then, oh, Alexandria Cortez.

00:12:07.000 Yes.

00:12:08.000 We haven't heard much from her.

00:12:10.000 No, well, she's now in her little squad.

00:12:12.000 Oh, but the other one is Ayanna Presley. 1.00

00:12:14.000 Did you say that one?

00:12:14.000 I just call her the black girl.

00:12:16.000 She's never really done anything controversial.

00:12:18.000 Ayanna Presley.

00:12:19.000 Well, this is what Trump calls her.

00:12:20.000 He calls it AOC plus 3.

00:12:22.000 I like the Goon Squad better.

00:12:24.000 I think I just out-Trumped Trump.

00:12:26.000 The Goon Squad.

00:12:28.000 Frankly.

00:12:29.000 AOC plus 3 is actually more demeaning to the other three.

00:12:33.000 And you know what it does? 0.99

00:12:35.000 It causes a rift because they're like, why does she get the fucking name? 0.99

00:12:38.000 It should be Ilhan plus 3. 0.99

00:12:40.000 You know?

00:12:41.000 It causes some infighting there and some tension.

00:12:44.000 I think it's good.

00:12:45.000 He's pretty good.

00:12:46.000 So anyway, maybe...

00:12:49.000 His is better than mine.

00:12:53.000 So if there is a female bartender, she has to understand the profession. 1.00

00:12:58.000 And the profession Is you're not just serving drinks.

00:13:02.000 You're a therapist.

00:13:04.000 Real men don't go to therapy.

00:13:06.000 Yeah, you heard it here first.

00:13:08.000 Boxing is fine if that's your therapy.

00:13:11.000 And I was, we had a brutal session today at the gym where I could feel the savage gene coming out.

00:13:18.000 And it's looking like I might go to jail or be deported with all these tapes because the DA asked for my show, all 700 hours of it.

00:13:28.000 They're clearly going to pour through it.

00:13:31.000 And actually, I think Vic Berger provided them with particular clips because they wanted to use the Vic Berger comedy video.

00:13:38.000 But unlike Anna Kasparian, they realized I can't make a comedy video actual evidence.

00:13:44.000 I need the source.

00:13:45.000 So they got a judge's order.

00:13:48.000 They got all my old shows.

00:13:49.000 They're bringing those to court.

00:13:51.000 There's no guarantee they'll end up in court.

00:13:53.000 Maybe they're going to look at them and go, ah, screw it.

00:13:55.000 But the trial starts Monday for these remaining three proud boys who are on trial for defending themselves.

00:14:00.000 The real charge is fighting back in an ambush and enjoying it too much.

00:14:05.000 That's really what it comes down to.

00:14:07.000 But they're alleging, how should I phrase this so I don't get in more trouble?

00:14:15.000 It is possible that they will use my show where I'm like, Chochotranny, as proof that this is a violent group that condones violence. 0.96

00:14:23.000 Now, I never said Choka Tranny, like walk down the street and just start strangling a transsexual. 1.00

00:14:28.000 I was talking about the trannies who were attacking that black MAGA kid or when I said that Sal should punch a punk rocker, I meant if you're at a rally and they come up to you, they're clearly not there for friendship. 1.00

00:14:42.000 And what no one seems to get about this is during that time, and it's still going now, there was incredible violence from the left. 0.95

00:14:49.000 MAGA hat support.

00:14:51.000 Guys wearing MAGA hats getting beaten.

00:14:54.000 Look at what's going on with cops right now.

00:14:57.000 In Chicago, a big gang of a mob of civilians started attacking a cop.

00:15:02.000 He was cornered in the lobby of the projects. 0.99

00:15:05.000 They just had this stupid water thing where they're drenching cops. 1.00

00:15:09.000 And we had that guy on the train that was yelling at a cop to suck his dick. 1.00

00:15:13.000 Yeah, on yesterday's show. 1.00

00:15:14.000 Which a viewer wrote in and said, no, you said that was legal.

00:15:17.000 It's not legal.

00:15:18.000 It's disorderly conduct.

00:15:20.000 But they know if they pull them in, de Blasio's New York won't do anything.

00:15:24.000 It'll just waste everyone's time and they'll get a slap on the wrist because the city does not support the police in this town anymore. 1.00

00:15:32.000 Boy, in Juliani's New York, if you're drenching cops and yelling at them to suck your dick. 1.00

00:15:40.000 And I know it sounds totilitarian, but it worked. 1.00

00:15:45.000 Before Giuliani, New York was a shithole. 0.99

00:15:47.000 Times Square was a guaranteed mugging. 0.99

00:15:49.000 And then after Giuliani, poof.

00:15:51.000 And it's because of Stop and Frisk and prosecuting guys who jump the turnstiles. 0.99

00:15:56.000 Now I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself because I'm sick of all these stupid laws and everyone in jail. 0.99

00:16:05.000 And yeah, I am sick of the drug war. 1.00

00:16:06.000 I am sick of...

00:16:11.000 I think it's 3 million.

00:16:15.000 These episodes are the ones.

00:16:18.000 End of 2016.

00:16:20.000 Yeah.

00:16:25.000 2.3 million people in prison.

00:16:29.000 And I might be headed there.

00:16:31.000 And same with these three Proud Boys.

00:16:35.000 But anyway, so that's a stressful thing.

00:16:37.000 But then you're at the gym and you're hitting the heavy bag and you realize this is what a trial is.

00:16:42.000 This is what fighting for free speech is.

00:16:45.000 So you're training.

00:16:46.000 It's all the same.

00:16:47.000 Fighting for free speech, fighting to get these guys exonerated, fighting to stop big tech censorship is the exact same as sparring in the ring.

00:16:54.000 Same emotions, same adrenaline, same danger.

00:16:58.000 Actually, no, it's not the same danger.

00:17:00.000 The worst that happens in the ring is you get knocked out.

00:17:02.000 The worst that happens out here in the real world is you're in prison, your marriage is over, your life is decimated, etc.

00:17:09.000 So when you're at the bar, the bartender has to talk to you.

00:17:17.000 And that's one of the reasons I thought I always wanted a bar.

00:17:17.000 I'm sorry.

00:17:20.000 And then my dad pointed out, he goes, yes, but you're held captive, my boy.

00:17:25.000 Yeah, you are. 0.99

00:17:26.000 You literally have to suffer fools gladly. 0.99

00:17:26.000 It's true. 0.99

00:17:30.000 And if you're there in the day, there's a lot of losers in the day. 0.68

00:17:35.000 I know I go to bars sometimes. 0.61

00:17:36.000 Sometimes I'll just play hookie and go to a dive bar.

00:17:40.000 And if you're there at like 11 a.m. or anywhere, anywhere before 3.30, because blue-collar guys get out around 3 or 4.

00:17:49.000 And so you'll get the construction workers and shit started around 3 and the janitors from the high schools, they start coming in. 0.76

00:17:55.000 So normal people with lies start after 3. 0.99

00:17:58.000 Pre-3, like 1, there's some mentally ill saddies there playing the lottery, doing the tickets, and not speaking correctly. 0.90

00:18:09.000 You know what I mean? 0.97

00:18:10.000 Like mumbling their words.

00:18:15.000 I got really uncomfortable with this guy on the train. 1.00

00:18:17.000 Losers mumble. 1.00

00:18:19.000 Yeah, they do. 1.00

00:18:21.000 They're so scared of what I'm saying.

00:18:23.000 They don't really have the conviction.

00:18:26.000 I heard I've mumbled a little bit.

00:18:29.000 What were you going to say about the guy on the train?

00:18:30.000 Oh, yeah. 0.59

00:18:31.000 It was like this guy in a business suit, but he was so fucking drunk, and he was kind of missing teeth, but he had a real nice suit on. 0.64

00:18:38.000 And he's just like, hey, man, you know, I did that. 0.95

00:18:40.000 And I was like, I'm on the phone, sir.

00:18:41.000 He's like, okay, no, no.

00:18:42.000 And he's standing really close to me and he kept encroaching on me.

00:18:44.000 And he kept starting a conversation with me.

00:18:46.000 I was like, I'm still on the phone.

00:18:47.000 Maybe it's one of those things where it's suits for bums. 0.92

00:18:51.000 And he just came from there.

00:18:53.000 Yeah, no, it's.

00:18:55.000 You can't polish a turd, guys.

00:18:56.000 You can't just give him a haircut in a suit. 0.80

00:18:59.000 He's still a brutal drunk who is self-medicating because he has voices in his head.

00:19:03.000 He's not going to start at Merrill Lynch tomorrow.

00:19:05.000 Oh, thank you very much.

00:19:07.000 I can't wait to start.

00:19:09.000 That's why when they come up to you with like that one dread and three teeth, they go, hi, I'm a little bit down on my luck.

00:19:15.000 I was wondering if I could procure a dollaroonie.

00:19:19.000 Or if you have any odd jobs.

00:19:21.000 I love when they ask for food because I think people go, oh, here's some money for food.

00:19:21.000 Or a sandwich.

00:19:25.000 And then you see them give them actual food and the bum is like, oh, great. 0.99

00:19:29.000 They just go, I'm a junkie. 0.99

00:19:30.000 You know how fucking hungry I am? 0.99

00:19:32.000 Zero. 0.99

00:19:33.000 Oh, I just said hungry I am.

00:19:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:35.000 Which is what losers do. 0.99

00:19:36.000 Do you have that? 0.99

00:19:37.000 Play that interview with the chick from Freaks and Geeks.

00:19:42.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:19:43.000 Linda Cardonelli. 1.00

00:19:45.000 This is a loser. 1.00

00:19:46.000 This guy is a loser. 1.00

00:19:48.000 This is a woman. 1.00

00:19:49.000 Yeah.

00:19:50.000 I know, but the guy talking.

00:19:51.000 No, no.

00:19:53.000 She's 44. 0.87

00:19:54.000 Is that normal for 44 to be that wrinkly?

00:19:56.000 Marissa Tomei.

00:19:58.000 All right.

00:20:00.000 Turn it on.

00:20:01.000 Hi, Terravale Matt.

00:20:03.000 Welcome back to the man guide.

00:20:04.000 I'm sitting here today.

00:20:05.000 Oh, they blanked out his name.

00:20:05.000 Just pause.

00:20:07.000 Stop.

00:20:09.000 That sounds like he's talking backwards.

00:20:11.000 They blanked out his name.

00:20:13.000 Oh! 0.60

00:20:14.000 I'm dying to see his name.

00:20:16.000 I want to see what he looks like.

00:20:17.000 I think he might be Asian.

00:20:18.000 You thought that was an actual human sound?

00:20:21.000 Hi.

00:20:23.000 Wait, go back to the very beginning and silence on the set.

00:20:25.000 Quiet on the set.

00:20:26.000 How you doing?

00:20:28.000 Go ahead and start again.

00:20:28.000 Sorry.

00:20:30.000 Sorry, I got nervous.

00:20:31.000 All right.

00:20:33.000 Hi, how you doing?

00:20:34.000 Serval Kamal.

00:20:36.000 Welcome back to the Man Guide. 0.57

00:20:37.000 Oh, it is someone talking backwards.

00:20:39.000 What they did to his voice is they just flipped it.

00:20:41.000 Yes.

00:20:41.000 You're familiar with Renequip.

00:20:43.000 I'm sitting here today with Linda Cardellini, who's... 0.99

00:20:49.000 He does sound Asian sounds.

00:20:51.000 He happens to be constantly.

00:20:52.000 Sorry about that.

00:20:53.000 I practice so much, I knew I was going to get nervous.

00:20:56.000 All right.

00:20:57.000 How can I tell he's Asian? 1.00

00:20:59.000 Hello.

00:21:00.000 My name is Serval Camp.

00:21:02.000 And welcome back to The Manguide.

00:21:03.000 I'm sitting here today with the enormously talented Linda Cardellini, who's starring in the new film Daddy's Home.

00:21:11.000 In the new film?

00:21:12.000 In the new film, Daddy's Home.

00:21:13.000 You know, it's very obvious.

00:21:14.000 Coastal.

00:21:15.000 I think English is a second language.

00:21:18.000 I think he was born here, but raised.

00:21:20.000 Oh, I met a guy like that.

00:21:21.000 I worked with a guy once who had a brutal Chinese accent. 1.00

00:21:27.000 Oh, you're going to go to the party on Friday with your friend?

00:21:33.000 And I had another Chinese guy.

00:21:36.000 Uh-oh.

00:21:37.000 Tell the Jews alert. 0.98

00:21:41.000 Maybe we should make coffee.

00:21:43.000 Yeah, okay.

00:21:43.000 Well, I already got coffee made.

00:21:45.000 And you know from who?

00:21:46.000 Coffee Fi.

00:21:47.000 They just sent a new batch.

00:21:55.000 What was I talking about?

00:21:56.000 The Chinese guy.

00:21:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:58.000 So then I said to the office manager, Jesus, dude, he had a weird name like Homer or something.

00:22:04.000 I go, Homer's English is brutal.

00:22:06.000 How long has he lived here?

00:22:08.000 And then that guy goes, ready for this one?

00:22:11.000 He goes, you should hear his Chinese.

00:22:14.000 And I said, what?

00:22:15.000 Because that guy spoke, he was perfectly bilingual.

00:22:18.000 And I said, pardon émoi. 0.99

00:22:20.000 And he goes, yeah, that guy's Chinese sucks. 1.00

00:22:24.000 And I'm like, wait a minute. 1.00

00:22:25.000 He can't speak English or Chinese? 1.00

00:22:28.000 He's such a loser. 1.00

00:22:29.000 He was a gay guy. 1.00

00:22:30.000 He's such a loser that he just hangs out with his mommy all the fucking time. 1.00

00:22:35.000 We're in our 20s at this point. 1.00

00:22:36.000 I was 29.

00:22:37.000 He was probably 24.

00:22:39.000 He just hangs out with his mama, his woches, his mumo, and he picked up her accent. 0.99

00:22:48.000 So he speaks her shitty English as his mother tongue. 0.97

00:22:55.000 He doesn't really speak Chinese. 1.00

00:22:57.000 Yeah, I thought you said his Chinese sucks. 0.99

00:22:57.000 Have you been listening? 0.99

00:23:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:03.000 Yes, I did say his Chinese sucks. 1.00

00:23:05.000 That's the whole point of the story. 0.99

00:23:07.000 Sorry, folks at home.

00:23:09.000 This is what you get for working with the handicap. 0.99

00:23:15.000 So my brain's not working very well today.

00:23:19.000 This could have been sparring.

00:23:21.000 I'm convinced this guy who's interviewing Linda Cartellini, it's not the case of what I just said. 0.76

00:23:29.000 It's not that he hears shitty English at home and speaks that.

00:23:33.000 That's pretty rare.

00:23:34.000 You've got to be pretty insulated.

00:23:35.000 Almost, I grew up in Canada.

00:23:37.000 Everyone's parents had an accent back then, and no one had their parents' accent.

00:23:41.000 Nobody.

00:23:42.000 I've never met anyone who had their parents' accent besides that one guy.

00:23:46.000 So this guy sounds like Kathy Zhu.

00:23:49.000 I think Kathy Zhu moved here when she was like 10 or something.

00:23:54.000 She has zero accent. 0.99

00:23:56.000 But this guy is obviously lazy.

00:23:58.000 And thanks.

00:24:02.000 Oh, now we got coffee all over the back end desk.

00:24:07.000 Cheers and cheers to Making Coffee Great.

00:24:10.000 Um...

00:24:16.000 So this guy, I think, he probably moved here when he was 11, and now he's 22, and he never quite mastered the language.

00:24:26.000 That's just a guess.

00:24:28.000 One more time, and I promise I won't do it.

00:24:29.000 That was great, and I loved the enormously talented guitar.

00:24:31.000 That was great.

00:24:33.000 All right, I promise I won't do it anymore.

00:24:35.000 Do it as many times as you want.

00:24:36.000 No, no, I can't.

00:24:37.000 No, no, I can't.

00:24:37.000 I can't.

00:24:37.000 No, I can't take up.

00:24:38.000 She's awesome, by the way.

00:24:40.000 She also could not be less sexually attracted to this person. 1.00

00:24:45.000 She would rather have sex with her dad than have sex with this guy. 1.00

00:24:49.000 Oh, yeah, that goes without saying. 1.00

00:24:51.000 Gentlemen, when you show weak, never say sorry to a woman. 0.95

00:24:55.000 Just say like, say I'm hungover or I just found out that my dog died or something.

00:25:00.000 Lie.

00:25:01.000 All is fair in love and war.

00:25:02.000 And the reason I'm giving this guy tips is because I'm about to show you exactly why this is happening.

00:25:08.000 And it's an important lesson for young men.

00:25:10.000 Last time.

00:25:12.000 I'm sitting here today with the enormously talented Linda Carnellini, who stars in the new film Daddy's Home, opposite Will Farrow and Mark Wahlberg.

00:25:20.000 Linda?

00:25:21.000 Thank you for being with us.

00:25:21.000 Farrow.

00:25:22.000 Who's Will Farrow?

00:25:23.000 I appreciate it.

00:25:24.000 Thank you.

00:25:24.000 Well, in Egypt.

00:25:26.000 Sorry about that.

00:25:27.000 And let's start off.

00:25:29.000 The film looked like it was a blast.

00:25:31.000 It looked like it was a blast to be on the film.

00:25:34.000 Oh, no.

00:25:34.000 Sorry, no.

00:25:36.000 Just, oh, no.

00:25:36.000 Who starts that with an interview?

00:25:37.000 Just pause.

00:25:41.000 Who starts on an interview with?

00:25:42.000 Let's start off.

00:25:44.000 I should say that to Kathy today.

00:25:46.000 Kathy, welcome for coming.

00:25:48.000 Welcome.

00:25:49.000 I'm really nervous.

00:25:51.000 Welcome to be on the show.

00:25:53.000 Let's start off.

00:25:54.000 So, being on Daddy's Home with Will Farrow seemed really fun.

00:25:58.000 You must have been giggling.

00:25:59.000 It's such a generic Question too.

00:26:01.000 The first question is: Did you have trouble not laughing on this edit?

00:26:05.000 Those guys must have been cracking up.

00:26:06.000 What are you, a 90-year-old woman? 1.00

00:26:08.000 Could you have a more boring question than that?

00:26:11.000 Yeah.

00:26:12.000 Like, ask her about her daddy.

00:26:13.000 How does this movie compare to your home life?

00:26:16.000 Or if he talked about himself a little bit, like, yeah, I am hungover, then that opens, it makes it like she's talking to a person and not just like a robot who's, you know.

00:26:16.000 Yeah.

00:26:24.000 Don't worry about it.

00:26:24.000 Don't be nervous.

00:26:25.000 Big problem.

00:26:26.000 There's a big, big trouble in little China. 0.93

00:26:29.000 Okay.

00:26:30.000 How is making a Chinese accent when did that become the most racist thing you could possibly do next to a minstrel show?

00:26:35.000 I don't know.

00:26:36.000 Like, everyone does a Jamaican. 0.83

00:26:37.000 It's super funny.

00:26:38.000 African no one minds. 1.00

00:26:42.000 They eat the poop. 0.98

00:26:43.000 Yeah, that's much better. 0.99

00:26:44.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

00:26:46.000 He sounds like Colombo. 0.99

00:26:47.000 It's like a skateboard trick.

00:26:48.000 I like to do a little tail grab with it. 0.99

00:26:50.000 I'm like, why are you gay? 1.00

00:26:52.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

00:26:54.000 Like little fun little things. 0.99

00:27:01.000 And you don't have to take out your keys.

00:27:02.000 You just have to say, like, it's Gavin.

00:27:04.000 Toodaloo.

00:27:05.000 Something like that.

00:27:06.000 I'm going to make mine. 0.99

00:27:07.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

00:27:09.000 So in the future, they're going to make you speak to open your door? 0.94

00:27:12.000 Yes.

00:27:13.000 As an option.

00:27:14.000 You can also use your key.

00:27:15.000 Okay, gotcha.

00:27:16.000 Or just your face, right?

00:27:16.000 Like a face recognition?

00:27:18.000 Well, they obviously have that.

00:27:18.000 Yep.

00:27:19.000 Don't you watch movies?

00:27:20.000 But I don't think it's any more futuristic to make you speak to open.

00:27:23.000 That's very inconvenient.

00:27:24.000 Like, what if it's late at night?

00:27:25.000 You're trying to get in your door.

00:27:26.000 You're on the phone.

00:27:27.000 And then people know your password.

00:27:29.000 Or they could just record you.

00:27:30.000 It recognizes the nuances of your voice.

00:27:30.000 No, no, no.

00:27:33.000 Oh, you could say anything.

00:27:33.000 Okay.

00:27:34.000 Voices are very, very specific.

00:27:36.000 So you could say anything.

00:27:37.000 No.

00:27:38.000 You have to choose a phrase.

00:27:39.000 Why are we spending so much time on this?

00:27:39.000 That's a lot of people.

00:27:42.000 Sorry.

00:27:42.000 Go back to the petrified Asian.

00:27:45.000 That's me.

00:27:46.000 It looks like it was a blast to be on set.

00:27:48.000 Was it difficult to maintain a hard, straight face when you were working with voters?

00:27:51.000 Maintain a hard face.

00:27:54.000 Absolutely.

00:27:55.000 Especially because, well, you know, they come up with stuff.

00:27:58.000 Okay, so we were dying to see what that guy looks like, just so we could point at him and laugh.

00:28:04.000 And we went online and we found the interview.

00:28:07.000 It's on a network.

00:28:09.000 It has 500 views.

00:28:11.000 And they're called the young, not Turks, the young, what?

00:28:15.000 People?

00:28:16.000 The young folks.

00:28:17.000 The young folks.

00:28:19.000 No young people call themselves folks.

00:28:21.000 Yeah.

00:28:22.000 The young folks.

00:28:23.000 So play the interview as it aired.

00:28:26.000 Now, you people just getting the audio today won't be able to see this.

00:28:33.000 Watch it on your phone.

00:28:36.000 Poor young people. 1.00

00:28:37.000 Poor young people. 1.00

00:28:38.000 This looks like a live.

00:28:40.000 Remember that Mr. Show sketch where they had a bunch of old people dressed young going, hi, young people!

00:28:45.000 We love to rock, but we don't need to play video games all the time and have our hair in our face.

00:28:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:50.000 This looks like old people trying to make young people content.

00:28:53.000 How did you first get involved with this project?

00:28:55.000 I heard about it from Will and so how did you first get involved with this project?

00:29:00.000 I heard about it from Will.

00:29:01.000 Why is everyone so intimidated by her?

00:29:03.000 She's like, she hasn't done much.

00:29:05.000 Is she a Nazi murderer on her spare time who runs MS-13? 0.93

00:29:10.000 Hi, Linda.

00:29:11.000 Please don't attack my family.

00:29:13.000 She has a gun right below her waist pointed at me. 1.00

00:29:22.000 And she's like, this is who I am? 0.88

00:29:24.000 I'm trans.

00:29:25.000 She's scratching it the entire time.

00:29:27.000 Yeah, and it starts going up and then going down, depending on the question.

00:29:31.000 And it's weird because on the one hand, they want it to keep going up because that means it's a good question.

00:29:35.000 But on the other hand, they don't want it.

00:29:38.000 They don't want to erect him in.

00:29:39.000 Yeah, so they don't want to turn him on, but they don't want to turn him off.

00:29:42.000 So it's just like, we want me.

00:29:43.000 Looks like a bronosaurus doing neck exercises.

00:29:46.000 It follows their words.

00:29:46.000 That's the thing.

00:29:48.000 So every time they talk, hi, how was it like?

00:29:50.000 And of course it's distracting.

00:29:53.000 Oh, man.

00:29:55.000 Wait, that Cavefe really saved the show.

00:29:57.000 I'm back now.

00:29:58.000 Sure does.

00:30:00.000 Keep playing.

00:30:01.000 Okay.

00:30:02.000 And Adam McKay, his producing partner, I was in a movie that they produced called Welcome to Me with Kristen Waig.

00:30:08.000 And we were out one day and they were talking about this film and Jessica Elbaum, one of the producers, and they really were excited about me doing the film based on, I guess, something they saw in the other movie.

00:30:20.000 So it ended up working out, which is great.

00:30:23.000 Dream job.

00:30:25.000 Boring interview.

00:30:26.000 It sounds like my sister, if I had one, just got an acting gig.

00:30:30.000 Yeah.

00:30:31.000 How did you get this gig?

00:30:31.000 That was lame.

00:30:32.000 Oh, I worked on a different movie with them, and they thought I did a good job.

00:30:36.000 So now I'm on this movie.

00:30:37.000 Just luck.

00:30:38.000 Yeah, I figured.

00:30:39.000 That's exactly what I guessed.

00:30:41.000 Now, the reason that's relevant, folks at home who are too cheap, to go to free speech.tv and sign up.

00:30:46.000 We just passed 10,000 subscribers.

00:30:50.000 And what's freaky deeky about that is we've only been doing this for a month, two months.

00:30:55.000 Now, I know it's not going to keep going 10,000 every two months, but I don't think 20,000 is a crazy goal for one year from now.

00:31:05.000 20,000 people, that's a very decent network.

00:31:10.000 And that means I could start buying other shows.

00:31:14.000 Like, what about a Roger Stone show?

00:31:16.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.

00:31:18.000 You know?

00:31:19.000 A Ryan Catsu Rivera show.

00:31:22.000 Or we could get bought.

00:31:23.000 But I was thinking, wait a minute.

00:31:24.000 Say we get bought for... 0.99

00:31:26.000 Multiples in media suck. 0.98

00:31:29.000 So it would have to be something where we would... 0.97

00:31:36.000 So it would have to be some crazy number.

00:31:37.000 And then how would I make there anyway?

00:31:39.000 I'm boring you with economics.

00:31:39.000 Boring.

00:31:41.000 So obviously that weird Asian guy who was nervous was booted. 0.98

00:31:47.000 And the woman who did the interview, who just said project, I think she's just an intern.

00:31:51.000 I think she's just like a PA or something.

00:31:54.000 She's just some young girl.

00:31:55.000 They said, you know what? 0.98

00:31:56.000 You fucked up the intro four times. 0.97

00:31:58.000 You said, let's start. 0.99

00:32:00.000 So you're done.

00:32:01.000 And what about Julie? 1.00

00:32:03.000 And she gets in there and kicks ass. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Now, why am I talking about this? 0.99

00:32:06.000 Why is this relevant?

00:32:08.000 Because I have magical powers and I can see what happened in these situations.

00:32:14.000 You ever watch Sherlock Holmes?

00:32:16.000 The one with Robert Downey Jr.

00:32:17.000 Robert Downey.

00:32:18.000 He sizes up a fight and he can see like the weight of the guy and the foot there and then there's a spoon over there and he knows exactly what's going to happen in the fight.

00:32:27.000 Or he can tell like a woman has a blue stain on her lip and that's because she drank Gatorade. 1.00

00:32:32.000 Yeah.

00:32:33.000 In 1870.

00:32:35.000 Wow.

00:32:35.000 According to the girls.

00:32:36.000 You're really good at mysteries.

00:32:37.000 You notice that my lips are blue and I drank something blue. 0.97

00:32:41.000 Anyway, here's what happened with that interview: he would watch Freaks and Geeks when she was much younger, probably like 25, and he would masturbate to it. 0.83

00:32:56.000 Now, it got really bad when he would do this because he wouldn't just be like, oh, she's kind of hot. 0.73

00:33:02.000 But it was a romantic thing for him.

00:33:04.000 And there's a scene in Freaks and Geeks where she discovers the Grateful Dead.

00:33:07.000 I had to look her up because I knew I recognized her.

00:33:10.000 I thought she was maybe from the Wonder Years or something.

00:33:12.000 That's a different chick. 0.97

00:33:14.000 And one of the only videos of Freaks and Geeks and her is this scene where she was listening to The Grateful Dead, who suck, by the way.

00:33:26.000 So you're just going to hear The Grateful Dead, but the folks who have paid for the show will see her dancing around her room and lying on her bed, discovering how awesome the Grateful Dead are.

00:33:36.000 And she's very pretty.

00:33:39.000 She lies down.

00:33:41.000 She's got a little t-shirt on.

00:33:42.000 She's very girl next door. 0.81

00:33:44.000 I find her so non-sexual.

00:33:44.000 Yes.

00:33:47.000 Like when she dresses sexy, it looks like your sister dressing up sexy.

00:33:51.000 You're just like, you're a very attractive young lady.

00:33:53.000 But she is like cool.

00:33:54.000 Like she's got a lot of fun.

00:33:55.000 You might even marry her.

00:33:57.000 Exactly.

00:33:57.000 Just because it'll be cool to hang out with.

00:33:59.000 And I guess I'll just put a picture of Eva Mendez on your back every time I fuck you. 1.00

00:34:03.000 Well, no, I mean, she's got something to her. 1.00

00:34:05.000 She's a sleeper.

00:34:07.000 She's, I mean, it's weird because you have to give her a high number.

00:34:11.000 And freaks and geeks, you have to say 7.89.

00:34:15.000 But my heart's not in it. 0.95

00:34:16.000 I look at her and I feel like a gay dude.

00:34:18.000 She's got a, Janine, I used to have a crush on Janine Graffalo.

00:34:18.000 Yeah.

00:34:22.000 And she's kind of, she kind of hits this for me, too.

00:34:24.000 No, Janine has more culture.

00:34:27.000 Linda's just too lady. 1.00

00:34:29.000 It's like if you drew a girl in a book, that's how you draw a girl. 0.54

00:34:32.000 She's an Italian princess, which are kind of, it can be a little boring sometimes. 1.00

00:34:36.000 Oh, I love the WAPs. 1.00

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.000 Anyway, so she's dancing around in a room, and it's almost like I felt this, like I had a crystal ball.

00:34:48.000 And he beat off to Freaks and Geeks, and he verbalized, I love you.

00:34:55.000 And he also said other weird things during the act.

00:34:58.000 Really?

00:34:59.000 Yeah.

00:34:59.000 Another one was like, he just, he was shocked to hear it himself, but he said, girlfriend.

00:35:05.000 Oh, he would actually say girlfriend while.

00:35:08.000 Yeah, because he was thinking, he's imagining a world where it's this girlfriend, and he involuntarily, in the heat of the moment, the crime of Patch, in the heat of the moment, say, girlfriend, love you.

00:35:18.000 And then towards the end, he just said, love.

00:35:23.000 And he was so ashamed of that, which you should be.

00:35:26.000 Yes, dude.

00:35:27.000 If you've ever done that, you should be ashamed. 0.99

00:35:30.000 So now, did he get really lucky and just he happened to be interviewing the girl that he used to jerk off to? 0.96

00:35:34.000 Or did he set out in this path to intercept her? 0.70

00:35:39.000 He was working at that place for a year and a half, knowing that they would.

00:35:43.000 No, no, no, no.

00:35:44.000 Well, I don't know.

00:35:45.000 Praying.

00:35:46.000 And then he sees she's in a movie and he starts, the nervous starts right there.

00:35:50.000 And then he went to his boss and he said, hey, while we're doing interviews, I think this Linda Kevin Jelly, whatever her name is, she's doing a thing for some movie Daddy's Home. 0.99

00:35:59.000 I guess I could do it.

00:36:00.000 I mean, I'm not busy that day.

00:36:01.000 And the boss was doing something else and he goes, what?

00:36:04.000 Yeah, sure.

00:36:05.000 And he goes, oh, really?

00:36:07.000 Yeah.

00:36:08.000 Who are you talking about? 0.99

00:36:09.000 A girl who's in Daddy's home and that I used to masturbate to when she was on Freaks and Gates. 0.98

00:36:15.000 Oh, he told him that? 0.97

00:36:16.000 No, no.

00:36:16.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:18.000 And he goes, yeah, go ahead.

00:36:19.000 Get out of my office.

00:36:21.000 And so he goes right to the bathroom and pukes.

00:36:25.000 Oh.

00:36:26.000 And then he looks in the mirror and he washes his face and he goes, this is it. 0.99

00:36:30.000 And then the imbecile starts getting in his head that this is the beginning of something wonderful. 1.00

00:36:37.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:36:37.000 And he even is a little bit bummed because he goes, I'm 32. 1.00

00:36:42.000 She's 44. 0.87

00:36:43.000 We're probably not going to have kids.

00:36:44.000 That's going to break my mama's heart. 1.00

00:36:47.000 He's already in his mother's heart.

00:36:49.000 We could adopt.

00:36:50.000 Maybe we'll adopt from Africa. 0.99

00:36:52.000 I'm that kind of guy.

00:36:54.000 And so he's married her.

00:36:56.000 He's made love to her many times.

00:36:58.000 And he gets there.

00:36:59.000 And then he gets hit with this tsunami of reality.

00:37:03.000 No, this isn't happening.

00:37:05.000 And he feels, you know how people have pheromones and stuff? 1.00

00:37:08.000 I think women and men can tell instantly, like, I probably would fuck you if you were single. 1.00

00:37:13.000 And I think sometimes you have conversations with your eyes. 1.00

00:37:16.000 And this could all be in my head, but I feel like I've talked to some woman where they're like, if I wasn't married and you weren't married, we'd probably fuck. 0.95

00:37:23.000 And we both sort of acknowledge that, like, anyway, so do you know how to get up to the 95? 0.99

00:37:29.000 And probably in the first millisecond, he realized, what the fuck am I thinking? 0.97

00:37:33.000 She couldn't be farther out of my league. 0.99

00:37:35.000 And I can smell how disgusted she is by me. 1.00

00:37:38.000 I'm a loser. 0.95

00:37:40.000 And then he said, well, I better do my job anyway, even though all my dreams were just dashed against the rocks. 0.94

00:37:45.000 And that's when we get, go back to the interview now.

00:37:48.000 And that's why he said, how do you maintain a heart on?

00:37:51.000 talking to himself.

00:38:04.000 That's actually inner monologue.

00:38:05.000 Dude, that's true.

00:38:07.000 He was thinking, he had also thought, what if I take her home that night and I'm so nervous I can't maintain a hard on.

00:38:15.000 Yes.

00:38:15.000 And he said, maintain a harna, maintain a harna, maintain a harna.

00:38:19.000 So then when he said maintain, just like when he beats off and he goes, love, right.

00:38:25.000 He accidentally went, how do you maintain a hard on when you're with me?

00:38:29.000 What?

00:38:29.000 No, no, no.

00:38:30.000 Straight face.

00:38:31.000 I meant straight face. 1.00

00:38:32.000 You know, this also goes with the theory that she has a giant penis right out of camera view. 1.00

00:38:37.000 He's like, how do you maintain that hard on to make it bob when I speak? 0.99

00:38:40.000 Well, yeah, maybe that's why he's nervous because he just realized the love of his life is a dude.

00:38:40.000 Yeah.

00:38:45.000 I have to hear it again.

00:38:46.000 I have to hear it again.

00:38:48.000 Talented Linda Cardiliani. 0.58

00:38:49.000 You made it black and white.

00:38:50.000 Starring in the new film Daddy's Home and his costume.

00:38:55.000 I'm sorry.

00:38:55.000 One more time, and I promise I won't do it again.

00:38:57.000 That was great, and I loved the enormously talented card.

00:38:59.000 That was great.

00:39:01.000 All right, I promise I won't do it anymore.

00:39:02.000 Do it as many times as you want.

00:39:05.000 I can't take up your time.

00:39:06.000 Please, don't worry.

00:39:07.000 Promised last time.

00:39:07.000 All right.

00:39:09.000 I'm sitting here today with the enormously talented Linda Carzellini, who stars in the new film Daddy's Home, opposite Will Farrow and Mark Wahlberg.

00:39:18.000 Linda, thank you for being with us, and I appreciate it.

00:39:21.000 Thank you.

00:39:22.000 No, thank you.

00:39:24.000 And let's start off.

00:39:26.000 Don't look like it was a blast.

00:39:28.000 And he leaves her these windows to talk and then jumps on it.

00:39:33.000 So he's like, Linda?

00:39:34.000 And she's like, yes?

00:39:36.000 No, I can't say yes.

00:39:37.000 I can see you're about to say something else.

00:39:38.000 Oh, man.

00:39:39.000 It looked like it was a blast to be on the felon.

00:39:41.000 So what's the moral there, boys?

00:39:43.000 Young men?

00:39:45.000 Don't beat off.

00:39:45.000 I know this is hard for 15-year-olds.

00:39:47.000 I remember those days.

00:39:48.000 It was hell, dude.

00:39:50.000 It was like a curse.

00:39:51.000 I mean, I'm down to normal now at 49. 0.99

00:39:54.000 I'm just down to like thinking about tits and asses maybe 30 times a day. 1.00

00:40:00.000 And my wife, every time I see my wife, you can tell she seems like prey. 1.00

00:40:07.000 Like say a lion was friends with a hedgehog.

00:40:11.000 The hedgehog would always be sort of like, yeah, you okay?

00:40:14.000 Because sometimes the lion will stare at the hedgehog and the hedgehog is like, I'm just going to go over here, especially if the lion hasn't eaten in a few days.

00:40:22.000 The lion's hungry.

00:40:23.000 The hedgehog starts looking like it's on a plate and the lion starts walking around the house.

00:40:29.000 And if the kids are away, yeah.

00:40:34.000 They never get to quite like Timon and Pumba and Simba levels, which I saw that movie yesterday by myself.

00:40:40.000 No, I didn't, but with a friend, Andrea.

00:40:43.000 You saw the new Lion King?

00:40:43.000 What?

00:40:45.000 And I knew that you would react this way.

00:40:47.000 So I saved it for the air.

00:40:49.000 You know what? 0.99

00:40:51.000 I used to say you have AIDS. 1.00

00:40:53.000 You are AIDS. 0.99

00:40:54.000 I'm honored. 1.00

00:40:56.000 You are an immune system disease that devastated the gay community and killed much of New York's creative class in the 80s. 1.00

00:41:07.000 It was a 90s. 1.00

00:41:08.000 It's a homocaust. 0.99

00:41:09.000 You are a very, very horrible disease that it took us a long time to figure out. 0.98

00:41:14.000 It's a homocaust? 0.98

00:41:16.000 Why wouldn't you see that Beatles movie yesterday even?

00:41:18.000 I would even make fun of you for that.

00:41:20.000 You go to kids' movies, dude, on a regular basis.

00:41:23.000 I like to see remakes.

00:41:24.000 I like to see what they do with the place.

00:41:26.000 And Aladdin was bombastic.

00:41:29.000 For sure, no contest, 100%.

00:41:32.000 And now this one fell really flat. 0.86

00:41:34.000 And we were talking about the, why are you gay? 0.57

00:41:38.000 Remember that?

00:41:39.000 Well, Rafiki, in the original one, he has a line, when Simba, he discovers he's alive, he's like, he's alive.

00:41:45.000 He's alive.

00:41:46.000 Very animated.

00:41:47.000 Is anyone listening to this?

00:41:49.000 In this new one, he just goes, he's alive.

00:41:52.000 And then that's it.

00:41:53.000 Oh, that's a great detail.

00:41:54.000 Well, I'm glad you spent 40 bucks and eight hours of your life to figure that out.

00:41:58.000 That's awesome.

00:41:59.000 Thanks for bringing that to the table.

00:42:01.000 Alamo Draft House.

00:42:02.000 I'm trying to save men from blowing it with their dream girl. 0.80

00:42:06.000 I'm trying to save her.

00:42:06.000 And you go, there was a different word in a different movie.

00:42:10.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:42:12.000 Sorry. 0.99

00:42:12.000 Kids' movies. 0.99

00:42:13.000 You go to kids' movies and you don't know how to sleep.

00:42:17.000 This is how you sleep.

00:42:18.000 You go to bed around midnight, one, then you wake up at nine.

00:42:22.000 You have naps, then you can't sleep till five, then you get up at noon.

00:42:26.000 That's what, like, if a kid moved out at seven, that's what his life would be like.

00:42:31.000 You're like a feral child. 0.99

00:42:33.000 You're a feral child. 0.98

00:42:34.000 You're like Tarzan, but without the cool swinging or talking to apes or anything.

00:42:39.000 Well, I was kind of raised by...

00:42:39.000 That's horrific.

00:42:44.000 Raised in a Puerto Rican household.

00:42:46.000 You have a lot of Puerto Rican characteristics, which I don't like. 1.00

00:42:49.000 And I don't mean I don't like Puerto Rican.

00:42:50.000 And some that you can't like.

00:42:51.000 You're allowed to criticize cultures, right? 0.99

00:42:52.000 If you can be proud of being Puerto Rican, that means there are patterns. 0.54

00:42:55.000 You're right.

00:42:56.000 And if there are patterns, then there can be good characteristics and bad characteristics.

00:43:00.000 For example, the Irish tend to have a problem with alcohol.

00:43:03.000 Same with the Scots. 0.69

00:43:04.000 Also, the Scots tend to be cheap. 0.98

00:43:06.000 That's a bad thing about them.

00:43:07.000 I believe they overdo it with the cheapness.

00:43:10.000 Puerto Ricans, vibrant community, very loving families, a little bit of a problem with infidelity, but very Christian.

00:43:16.000 God bless you.

00:43:17.000 Very close with their families.

00:43:19.000 Those are all positive traits.

00:43:20.000 Thumbs up.

00:43:21.000 However, you have a negative trait, which is self-indulgence and megalomania.

00:43:27.000 Megalomania?

00:43:29.000 Yes, a need for fame, a need for attention.

00:43:33.000 Nope.

00:43:33.000 Yes.

00:43:34.000 Here is an example.

00:43:35.000 I like a small group of people.

00:43:36.000 Let me go back a step. 1.00

00:43:37.000 Please shut your mouth. 0.99

00:43:38.000 Let me go back a step. 0.99

00:43:40.000 Graffiti is basically Puerto Rican. 0.79

00:43:42.000 I know this shocks people.

00:43:43.000 They think of it as black.

00:43:44.000 And technically, the whole thing of tagging started with a Greek guy named Tacky, who I think was on 159th Street.

00:43:51.000 So he would write Tacky159 on everything.

00:43:54.000 That's a unique case.

00:43:56.000 Now it's been co-opted by rich white kids in Germany and Stuttgart doing throw-ups.

00:44:02.000 But initially, it was mostly a New York Puerto Rican thing.

00:44:05.000 And it was them coming up with their tag, Cesk, or whatever.

00:44:08.000 And they would put that all over town.

00:44:10.000 And they would acquire fame.

00:44:12.000 Why would a young man care about fame?

00:44:15.000 Because he doesn't have a dad.

00:44:16.000 And he sees his Puerto Rican sisters and his Puerto Rican mothers reading celebrity magazines and putting up celebrity pictures on the wall.

00:44:22.000 So fame is important to him. 0.95

00:44:24.000 He also takes on other female traits like getting manny petties. 0.95

00:44:27.000 It's totally normal to see a Puerto Rican man getting a pedicure and getting a haircut every few days. 0.86

00:44:33.000 So they develop this like me, me, me thing, which a man usually slaps out of his son, but when there's no dad around, it doesn't get slapped out.

00:44:41.000 So Ryan yesterday, for example, heard a rumor that Aaron Berg mentioned him on his show.

00:44:46.000 Oh.

00:44:46.000 He then listens to the entire show while doing other shows.

00:44:50.000 It was a good show, though.

00:44:51.000 He's in the bathroom.

00:44:52.000 He's listening to it, waiting and waiting for the Ryan part.

00:44:55.000 No, because the Ryan part had passed.

00:44:56.000 He had mentioned.

00:44:57.000 So maybe megalomania isn't the right word, but it's sort of this infantilization, me-me-me attention.

00:45:05.000 It's like perpetual infancy.

00:45:08.000 I just like to be seen and recognized for the greatness that I have.

00:45:13.000 That's all.

00:45:14.000 Don't defend yourself.

00:45:15.000 I'm just telling you a bunch of facts.

00:45:16.000 We're not looking for your input.

00:45:18.000 Oh.

00:45:19.000 Okay.

00:45:20.000 So the moral of that initial story is, guys, don't beat off.

00:45:25.000 Don't watch porn. 0.68

00:45:26.000 Direct that energy to getting chicks. 1.00

00:45:29.000 And If you're into a girl, definitely don't masturbate to her, but don't be subservient like that. 0.99

00:45:36.000 Like a woman doesn't want to be the protector, she has to feel safe around you. 0.98

00:45:41.000 So he should have come in there and commanded the scene.

00:45:44.000 Are you a right Lynn guy?

00:45:45.000 You look fantastic, by the way.

00:45:46.000 You are three times prettier than you are on TV.

00:45:48.000 What do they do to you?

00:45:49.000 Do they put on ugly makeup on TV? 1.00

00:45:51.000 You're a nine on TV, but this is, I'm looking at a 10 right now.

00:45:55.000 Can we get her?

00:45:56.000 Do you want anything?

00:45:56.000 You want to watch?

00:45:57.000 I'm fine.

00:45:58.000 Do you want a vodka?

00:45:58.000 I'm fine.

00:45:59.000 Do you want a drink?

00:45:59.000 We got mixed drinks.

00:46:00.000 Can we get some mixed drinks in here?

00:46:02.000 I'd say that's a little too much attention even.

00:46:04.000 You kind of just, I think you should talk into her.

00:46:07.000 He only has six minutes with her.

00:46:09.000 It's his future wife.

00:46:11.000 Okay, so thanks for coming.

00:46:13.000 Daddy's home looks good.

00:46:14.000 I'm going to pretend I've seen it.

00:46:15.000 Are we rolling?

00:46:16.000 Rolling?

00:46:17.000 First off, what is your phone number?

00:46:19.000 That's funny.

00:46:21.000 Oh, sorry.

00:46:22.000 And that's not professional, right?

00:46:23.000 I'm not being professional.

00:46:24.000 Okay.

00:46:25.000 I like you more than a friend.

00:46:26.000 I'm not sure that's very professional either.

00:46:29.000 No, let's get started.

00:46:30.000 So working on Daddy's Home, Will Farrell, those guys seem like hilarious dudes.

00:46:34.000 Were you laughing your head off the whole time?

00:46:36.000 Is there like a blooper reel that's even better than the movie?

00:46:41.000 And then how do you get her out of there after?

00:46:44.000 Out of the interview zone?

00:46:46.000 No, like even if you're God, how do we end the interview and go, so we're going to go get some drinks if you want to.

00:46:53.000 Like I know this whole thing.

00:46:54.000 It's a challenge.

00:46:56.000 Like, listen, what makes my job great is that after this, we go to this place and we do a thing and you should come to that thing.

00:47:04.000 No.

00:47:05.000 Oh.

00:47:06.000 I would recommend lying.

00:47:09.000 So you say, I worked with Adam McKay actually at Funny or Die.

00:47:12.000 And do you know, and then you've previously looked up some kind of producer that would be perfect for her. 1.00

00:47:17.000 Do you know Art Salisbury?

00:47:19.000 Yes, I do.

00:47:19.000 Yep.

00:47:20.000 I was actually, God, I heard he's working.

00:47:22.000 Yeah, that's my, I'm working.

00:47:24.000 Well, I'm just, I'm working with the EP, but they're doing casting now.

00:47:27.000 And do you want to go get a beer or something?

00:47:29.000 I'd love to talk to you about this because I have the script.

00:47:33.000 I'd say you let her know your full intentions.

00:47:36.000 Yeah.

00:47:37.000 You're like, you're not going to believe this? 1.00

00:47:38.000 I used to masturbate to you. 0.99

00:47:40.000 I used to say love. 1.00

00:47:42.000 Love.

00:47:42.000 Yeah.

00:47:44.000 Oh, really?

00:47:45.000 To me?

00:47:46.000 Was it the Grateful Dead scene?

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:48.000 I'd go, my girlfriend.

00:47:51.000 Well, now I'm your girlfriend, so you don't have to say that anymore. 0.99

00:47:54.000 Why don't I put on what I wore in that Freaks and Geeks episode and dance around the room and you can masturbate right there? 0.99

00:48:00.000 He's like, no, no, no. 0.99

00:48:01.000 I think it would be fair is if I dress up like you and I dance the Grateful Dead and you masturbate. 0.99

00:48:05.000 It's only fair. 0.99

00:48:06.000 One time I brought a girl home on a lie. 0.99

00:48:10.000 She wasn't that into me.

00:48:11.000 She's kind of chubby, which was insulting because we were about the same.

00:48:15.000 Two sixes.

00:48:17.000 We're supposed to be perfect for each other.

00:48:19.000 And I go, I got tons of Coke at home.

00:48:22.000 So she goes, all right, cool.

00:48:24.000 So we go back to my house.

00:48:26.000 And now it's time to break out all the cocaine that I have.

00:48:30.000 The tons and tons of cocaine that I own.

00:48:33.000 Guess what my plan was?

00:48:35.000 What?

00:48:36.000 I had zero plan.

00:48:37.000 Oh, I just thought I'll be so seductive when we get there that she'll forget about the drugs.

00:48:43.000 So I get there and we're making out.

00:48:45.000 And making out with a man with a mustache, if you're not used to it, it feels weird.

00:48:48.000 My whiskers go up into your nostrils and it's like you're eating out a porcupine.

00:48:53.000 It's not pleasant. 0.98

00:48:55.000 You have to be like a Russian chick whose family died. 1.00

00:48:58.000 And then you're like, I am this, a real man.

00:49:02.000 And he is a strong man and he can protect me from coyotes.

00:49:06.000 Too busy protecting Touche Fey.

00:49:08.000 I don't know why I did a Mexican accent.

00:49:10.000 This is a real man.

00:49:11.000 I am not lesbian. 0.99

00:49:13.000 I like disgusting coffee breath. 0.95

00:49:16.000 But, you know, relatively affluent upper middle class New York girls, they're like, why am I putting a brilli pad up my nose? 1.00

00:49:23.000 So anyway, she wasn't totally going bananas with the necking.

00:49:27.000 So she stops and goes, where's the sugar? 0.95

00:49:29.000 I mean, I just write the story.

00:49:31.000 Where's the Coke?

00:49:32.000 And I go, okay, hang on.

00:49:34.000 I get white sugar.

00:49:36.000 That's about it.

00:49:36.000 I put it in a piece of paper.

00:49:38.000 I put it in the microwave.

00:49:41.000 Why is that?

00:49:42.000 I don't know.

00:49:45.000 Because cocaine is served hot.

00:49:48.000 This cocaine is freezing.

00:49:51.000 I want to speak to the manager.

00:49:54.000 Yeah, man.

00:49:55.000 Sorry.

00:49:56.000 We got your Coke. 0.99

00:49:57.000 I don't know if you fucked up, but by the time it came to us, it was totally warm. 0.99

00:50:01.000 I'm sorry about that. 1.00

00:50:02.000 Next time, the blow's on us.

00:50:03.000 You said piping hot cocaine.

00:50:05.000 That's what it says on the side of your truck.

00:50:07.000 How old were you again?

00:50:09.000 Like 29.

00:50:10.000 and just moved to New York.

00:50:11.000 And you put it in the...

00:50:13.000 No, no, no.

00:50:15.000 If you're in the tropics or anywhere humid, you put Coke in the microwave.

00:50:19.000 Not that I have ever done drugs.

00:50:23.000 But no, not sugar.

00:50:24.000 No, no.

00:50:24.000 I was just trying to like buy time and seem weird because I knew she was going to see it and go, what?

00:50:30.000 So then I kind of crunched it up a bit to make the granules smaller and less uniform.

00:50:35.000 And then I go, here we go.

00:50:36.000 And she goes, what?

00:50:37.000 So then we're snorting sugar and then making out again.

00:50:43.000 Okay, maybe she won't ask me for more. 0.99

00:50:45.000 She'll just go, yes, shitty cocaine. 1.00

00:50:46.000 But she goes, this isn't really doing anything. 0.95

00:50:49.000 And she meant both the making out and the cocaine.

00:50:54.000 I can't remember what eventually happened.

00:50:56.000 I said, I know a drug dealer.

00:50:57.000 I know a guy named some gang like the Latin Kings.

00:51:00.000 And so I get it before they do anything to it.

00:51:02.000 So that's why it's like this.

00:51:03.000 It's totally uncut.

00:51:05.000 Really?

00:51:05.000 Is that why you don't feel anything when you do it?

00:51:07.000 It's so pure And it's like You're just living Your regular life basically Yeah Yeah.

00:51:16.000 I think we may have just gone to sleep.

00:51:20.000 Like she was, she probably sussed out that I was lying and then was turned off. 0.98

00:51:23.000 She probably sussed out that I was a dick and we're both drunk and that was the end of that. 0.99

00:51:27.000 Dang. 0.99

00:51:27.000 Anyway, I haven't even started this story yet. 0.99

00:51:31.000 So the bartender, if you're going to be a female bartender, which we're not against, don't look at your fucking phone. 1.00

00:51:40.000 You're doing now 50% of your job. 0.99

00:51:42.000 Serving drinks is 50%.

00:51:44.000 You're supposed to ask, how's business?

00:51:46.000 What are you doing?

00:51:47.000 No matter how boring it is.

00:51:48.000 Did you mow your lawn today?

00:51:49.000 Your shoes look kind of green.

00:51:52.000 And this woman is talkative. 0.59

00:51:56.000 And there's only two of us left there.

00:51:58.000 It's late at night.

00:52:00.000 And she brings her daughter by, and cute kid. 0.86

00:52:04.000 She doesn't bring her daughter by. 0.86

00:52:05.000 Her dad was babysitting, brings a daughter by.

00:52:08.000 Leaves.

00:52:08.000 Hi.

00:52:10.000 Cute kid, cute kid. 0.98

00:52:11.000 But you can do kind of risky jokes at bars too, like, oh, that sucks. 0.97

00:52:14.000 She's not cute. 1.00

00:52:15.000 That must be really depressing.

00:52:16.000 And you can say that because the kid was ridiculously cute and shed frizzy hair.

00:52:22.000 And she tells me her life story.

00:52:26.000 The most fascinating life story I've heard in a long ass time.

00:52:30.000 So her dad is married to her.

00:52:33.000 Not to her.

00:52:34.000 Dad's married to the mom.

00:52:37.000 The dad cheats on the mom.

00:52:40.000 The mom freaks out.

00:52:42.000 They get divorced. 0.99

00:52:43.000 He starts living with this Moroccan woman who grew up in a really shitty place in Morocco. 1.00

00:52:49.000 Then the dad stays there. 0.77

00:52:52.000 She takes the kid all the way to California, which you're not allowed to do, right?

00:52:56.000 You have to stay within a 50-mile radius, I thought.

00:52:59.000 So she takes the kid to California.

00:53:01.000 The kid grows up there.

00:53:02.000 The kid is the bartender, by the way.

00:53:04.000 Grows up there in L.A. And as she becomes like a teenager, there's a big heroin scene in L.A., which my theory is the problem with L.A. is so many people are in the movie industry. 0.99

00:53:17.000 And with the movie industry, you work your ass off 12 hours a day for eight weeks, and then you don't do shit for three weeks. 0.98

00:53:23.000 So it's not normal. 0.96

00:53:24.000 It's not natural.

00:53:25.000 People need a routine.

00:53:27.000 And so they're just sitting around.

00:53:29.000 And when you're sitting around, you become a brutal alcoholic because why not have a maker's at 9 a.m.?

00:53:35.000 You're going to be home all day anyway.

00:53:36.000 You can't drive.

00:53:38.000 So I'll just lay around in the pool like I'm in Guns N' Roses and drink out of the bottle.

00:53:45.000 So the heroin scene in LA is thriving right now.

00:53:49.000 And the OxyContin opioid scene is, of course, thriving.

00:53:53.000 So you have young people doing smack, shooting up, and you have old people doing Oxyan pills. 0.99

00:54:00.000 So the mom ODs. 0.94

00:54:03.000 And I said to her, is it possible that she never got over the infidelity?

00:54:07.000 And she goes, yeah, it's likely.

00:54:08.000 Wow.

00:54:10.000 So infidelity kills, apparently.

00:54:12.000 Divorce is a huge deal.

00:54:14.000 A lot of my friends seem to be getting divorced right now in the 40s.

00:54:18.000 It comes in waves.

00:54:19.000 There was an early marriage wave in my 20s when all my friends realized they made a mistake like four years in.

00:54:25.000 And now there's a kids are my kids' age, kind of another wave going on.

00:54:32.000 And in each case, I find they don't realize how consequential it is.

00:54:37.000 What do you think that is?

00:54:38.000 Why?

00:54:39.000 Do people have more of a demand for, they think that they want a perfect person?

00:54:44.000 Because it seems like there's so many people out there and it's so easy to access new people that you're like, this one isn't quite right.

00:54:51.000 Instead of dealing with, this is who I got.

00:54:54.000 My wife is my type. 1.00

00:54:56.000 And I have a very particular type.

00:54:57.000 So every time I see her, I go, oh, there's my type.

00:55:00.000 Like it's fun to look at her face.

00:55:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:02.000 But maybe you change types or you're just sick of fucking her. 1.00

00:55:06.000 But then go buy some lingerie or something. 1.00

00:55:09.000 Do different moves.

00:55:10.000 One theory I had a long time ago is a man has to be in control and a woman feels beholden to him. 0.98

00:55:16.000 He's the patriarch of the house.

00:55:18.000 But then when her dad dies, she'll get anywhere from like 100 grand to two, three million.

00:55:25.000 And now she doesn't need the husband anymore. 1.00

00:55:28.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:55:29.000 So it changes their whole dynamic. 1.00

00:55:32.000 Or a third theory is women's libido drops drastically with menopause. 0.96

00:55:37.000 Or those two could be combine. 0.99

00:55:39.000 So she's lying under the guy going, why am I fucking this dude? 0.98

00:55:43.000 I can buy this whole house. 0.99

00:55:44.000 Right.

00:55:46.000 It's like greed.

00:55:47.000 What?

00:55:48.000 It's greed.

00:55:49.000 No, I'm not saying that.

00:55:50.000 I'm saying more it's deeply ingrained psychic stuff.

00:55:54.000 Like, I don't need anybody.

00:55:55.000 Like cave stuff.

00:55:56.000 A man loses his attraction when the woman makes more money. 0.79

00:55:59.000 Like, you're not going to tell me a stay-at-home dad ever gets blown.

00:56:03.000 Like, a woman is an executive with Merrill Lynch, making $3 million a year, and she comes home after a hard day's work, kicks off her heels, and he's there in a bathroom going, wouldn't mind a beach.

00:56:12.000 Right.

00:56:13.000 No.

00:56:13.000 Her value has exceeded her.

00:56:15.000 Yeah.

00:56:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:56:18.000 She would be like Linda, what's her name in that Asian wanker? 1.00

00:56:22.000 Carta Nello or something. 0.99

00:56:26.000 So her mom ODs. 1.00

00:56:29.000 And at the funeral, she finds out she's pregnant with this junkie's baby. 0.99

00:56:33.000 And they both go to rehab and get better.

00:56:37.000 And I don't know if she was a junkie, actually, but she was around that. 0.99

00:56:42.000 And he goes to rehab, comes out.

00:56:44.000 He goes, all right, let's start our life.

00:56:46.000 And then she comes home and he's screwing someone else and shooting heroin.

00:56:51.000 So she comes to New York and reunites with her dad, who's having another affair. 0.84

00:56:58.000 Jeez. 1.00

00:56:59.000 Crazy shit. 1.00

00:57:02.000 And I'm sitting there going, and the guy next to me was like, I don't really like gossip. 1.00

00:57:05.000 I'm not a gossiper.

00:57:06.000 And I go, I'm going to convert you tonight to this art form because it is scientific.

00:57:12.000 It's not a science.

00:57:13.000 It's an art.

00:57:14.000 It's scientifically artistic.

00:57:16.000 And you get it out of people, you know, and you get them talking.

00:57:20.000 There's a woman in the Scottish sitcom Still Game named Isa.

00:57:25.000 And there's a scene in it, you probably won't be able to find it, where the bartender, Gavin, has a secret.

00:57:31.000 And he goes, I'm sorry, Aisa, I can't tell you.

00:57:35.000 And she goes, all right, well, let's get settled then.

00:57:38.000 And she gets her wee drum down on the table.

00:57:41.000 And she orders a drink for Gavin.

00:57:44.000 And she just sits there interrogating him and getting it out of him.

00:57:47.000 And then you see him, they come back a few scenes later, and he's just drenched with sweat.

00:57:51.000 And he's told her everything.

00:57:53.000 Do you think you could find that?

00:57:54.000 I'm looking, doesn't it?

00:57:56.000 Isa, Gavin, the clansman.

00:57:59.000 Isa the clansman?

00:58:00.000 No, it's not the KKK.

00:58:02.000 A Scottish clan.

00:58:04.000 So the bar they're at is called the Klansman.

00:58:06.000 It'd be funny trying to open that in New York.

00:58:09.000 Welcome to the Klansman.

00:58:12.000 Oh, the actor's name is Gavin.

00:58:14.000 Here comes Francie and Josie. 0.99

00:58:16.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:58:20.000 Booby! 1.00

00:58:21.000 Yeah, look up.

00:58:22.000 Go back.

00:58:23.000 Sorry, I got the actor's name.

00:58:25.000 The actor's name's Gavin.

00:58:26.000 The character's name's Bobby.

00:58:27.000 So go Issa Bobby still game.

00:58:33.000 Every time I get homesick when I see Scotland, I just remember, oh yeah, it's raining out.

00:58:38.000 What's this one now?

00:58:42.000 Skip ahead.

00:58:43.000 No, give yourself peace.

00:58:48.000 Where's Aisa? 0.71

00:58:49.000 This is really boring for the people listening audio.

00:58:54.000 This looks to be a Scottish show.

00:58:57.000 This is the right show, but I don't see Aisa.

00:59:00.000 Did you type in Aissa?

00:59:01.000 There she is.

00:59:02.000 There she is.

00:59:02.000 She's the best.

00:59:04.000 I know the godfather, but I knew it was you, Fredo.

00:59:07.000 Bang, boom, deed. 1.00

00:59:08.000 Shite. 1.00

00:59:09.000 I was a buying your drink for you now. 1.00

00:59:11.000 That's a new woe, even for you two. 0.98

00:59:13.000 Shake your hole, Bobby. 0.98

00:59:14.000 We're doing her a favor. 0.99

00:59:15.000 Jaws! 1.00

00:59:16.000 No, big stupid rubber shark. 1.00

00:59:19.000 Garbage! 1.00

00:59:20.000 What are you doing for her? 1.00

00:59:21.000 Hiting the decorating.

00:59:23.000 You two, Hoffwitz. 0.99

00:59:24.000 Let's hear shite new, Bobby. 0.99

00:59:26.000 You know what's really weird is that that's English. 0.99

00:59:28.000 Like, I understand every word that they...

00:59:33.000 But, you know, but you, you, it's harder to learn.

00:59:37.000 It's easier to learn like an actual language with different words than it is to try to sound that way, which is English.

00:59:44.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:46.000 Don't ever do a Scottish accent.

00:59:48.000 Speaking of Scottish people, let's check in with Kathy Zoo. 0.94

00:59:52.000 I think we do have her on the show.

00:59:53.000 On the Zoo report.

00:59:54.000 Kathy Zoo is, that's her nickname.

00:59:56.000 She's worked with tigers, giraffes, zebras, and she's a vegan.

01:00:03.000 No, she's a mega chick who was Miss Milwaukee. 1.00

01:00:06.000 They found out that she loves Trump, and she said not controversial, but conservative things.

01:00:11.000 And just like they stripped her of her sorority, they stripped her of her title as Miss Milwaukee. 0.99

01:00:19.000 Because you're ugly if you like Trump. 0.99

01:00:22.000 Waiting on the world to change. 1.00

01:00:25.000 We keep our own waiting.

01:00:27.000 Kathy, are you there?

01:00:29.000 Yes, I am.

01:00:30.000 You know, I'm looking at you now and you look very pretty, but if I disagree with you, your beauty goes away.

01:00:39.000 Beauty is very fleeting like that.

01:00:43.000 So you're all over the news.

01:00:45.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:00:46.000 How did you feel when you first got the news that you were no longer a beauty?

01:00:50.000 What was it, Miss Michigan?

01:00:52.000 Correct.

01:00:54.000 How did you feel when you got the news?

01:00:55.000 How did exactly did they present you to the news?

01:00:57.000 Was it a letter?

01:00:59.000 So the state director texted me actually out of nowhere and she said, hey, we have a problem.

01:01:05.000 And I said, what's the problem?

01:01:07.000 She just said, we just had a problem.

01:01:09.000 So this conversation went on for about like 20 minutes straight of her not telling me what the issue was.

01:01:15.000 And then she finally told me what the issue was.

01:01:18.000 She said, I'm racist, Islamophobic because of my Twitter accounts.

01:01:22.000 And then two hours later, they sent me an email saying that I was no longer able to participate.

01:01:27.000 And there's no appealing it, of course.

01:01:29.000 No, not at all.

01:01:31.000 Yeah, I've gotten that phone call a hundred times, whether it's being fired or banned or a show being canceled or something, a summer rental getting canceled.

01:01:39.000 And they always have this big preamble.

01:01:41.000 And you think, if there's nothing I can do to appeal it, then just let's just get it over with here.

01:01:45.000 Why are we wasting our time discussing anything?

01:01:49.000 No, exactly.

01:01:50.000 And they gave me no time or a chance to explain my side of the story.

01:01:56.000 Yeah.

01:01:56.000 No.

01:01:57.000 They've already made the decision when they called you.

01:01:59.000 And I don't watch beauty pageants, but when you were doing that thing, was there that thing where they ask you questions about starving children and recycling or whatever?

01:02:10.000 So Miss World, the organization, is actually pretty new in the U.S. In recent years, they only appointed people from the U.S. to compete in other countries.

01:02:18.000 It's the oldest pageant in the world, actually, so it's very popular in other countries.

01:02:22.000 But this time around, they did the application through online, and we had to do a video submission.

01:02:30.000 We had to give them a resume, volunteer hours, and an interview.

01:02:35.000 So there wasn't a really question part, but that would have been in the nationals where I wasn't able to compete in.

01:02:43.000 I mean, I can sort of see their arguments.

01:02:45.000 Say they make you Miss Michigan, you're representing Michigan, and you said something like Somalians need to all go back to where they came from. 1.00

01:02:56.000 Now that pageant is representing that thing.

01:03:00.000 It's sort of like if a sports star starts doing crack and they go, kids are looking up to you.

01:03:06.000 You're now making the MLB look like we advocate crack.

01:03:10.000 But your transgressions were talking about black-on-black crime, right? 0.90

01:03:16.000 Yeah, so actually I told them that my official statement as the Miss Michigan would be to advocate for free speech, advocate for empowerment of women's voices, no matter if they're on the left or the right.

01:03:28.000 So it's kind of ironic how they, you know, stripped me of my title for saying that.

01:03:33.000 And the thing I'm always confused by that black on black thing is why are we not allowed to talk about that? 0.94

01:03:40.000 We don't want black people dying. 1.00

01:03:42.000 It's up to almost 20 a day murdered with illegal guns over this stupid drug war. 1.00

01:03:50.000 I don't know how you feel about the drug war, but all of these issues, I think it's pretty left-wing to be against the drug war and the incarceration and the 20 dead black men a day. 0.98

01:04:01.000 Why would you rather talk about the one controversial shooting with Trayvon or something and not the 20 that happened that very same day?

01:04:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:04:10.000 And they completely also took out my tweet on context because I was actually replying to another person. 0.99

01:04:16.000 And this person that day on her profile, she was tweeting a lot about how cops kill black people, how they're so, you know, all of them are innocent that they killed, and that cops are pigs. 0.99

01:04:27.000 And I got frustrated and I quoted one of her tweets and I said, hey, you know, the majority of black on black violence is caused by, I mean, the majority of black deaths are caused by other blacks. 0.99

01:04:36.000 And apparently that's racist, even though it's statistics. 0.94

01:04:40.000 It could be found on the FDS website.

01:04:42.000 So it's really ridiculous how they're stripping, you know, me of my title. 0.92

01:04:45.000 But it's a pro-black thing. 0.99

01:04:46.000 You're trying to save black lives. 0.98

01:04:48.000 And you know what drives me nuts about the whole cop thing, too, is you're depicting an America where cops are just hunting blacks for sport. 0.98

01:04:54.000 Oh, look at there. 0.97

01:04:55.000 There's one going to buy something to eat. 0.95

01:04:58.000 Now, when you put that in a young black man's head, he goes, well, what's the use of living? 1.00

01:05:03.000 I'm going to get shot, pegged off while I go to get something to eat. 0.99

01:05:06.000 And then he's in a confrontation with a cop. 0.99

01:05:08.000 Maybe guns are involved. 0.98

01:05:09.000 And he thinks, Well, I'm dying anyway.

01:05:12.000 There's this video we always show on the show where this guy is being chased by the cops.

01:05:16.000 His car hits another car, he comes out and he gets out of the car.

01:05:18.000 He doesn't put his hands up. 0.99

01:05:20.000 He just starts going poo, poo, poo, poo, poo at the cops, and they shoot him dead.

01:05:24.000 Now, I can't read his mind, but how much of that death by cop suicide was predicated on the assumption that he's dead anyway? 0.93

01:05:33.000 Because we live in a racist America?

01:05:37.000 You know, I think that it's so, it's so sad how the left has to put this story in a lot of black people's minds that they are the victim. 0.96

01:05:48.000 You know, you can't be successful because you're black. 1.00

01:05:52.000 And that's so ridiculous. 1.00

01:05:53.000 I mean, we have to empower black people to do what they want. 0.99

01:05:56.000 I mean, this is America.

01:05:58.000 You know, we have the American dream.

01:05:59.000 Anyone could achieve this American dream.

01:06:01.000 It's not just white people.

01:06:03.000 So, you know, for me to see that and for me to be called a racist for trying to bring a statistic out from the FBS website to light, and it's just, I feel hurt because they're not even letting me talk about this.

01:06:15.000 It's funny that their narrative puts more black people in danger. 0.99

01:06:19.000 We promote free speech so we can counter the narrative and say, no, actually, cops are not hunting black people. 0.98

01:06:24.000 Don't go shooting at them if you're involved in a crime. 0.98

01:06:27.000 And let's get into this 20 dead a day. 0.90

01:06:29.000 We don't, we want them to stop dying.

01:06:31.000 How can we do that?

01:06:32.000 And they say, no, you may not say any of that.

01:06:35.000 So in their world, more people die.

01:06:37.000 It's kind of the difference between communism and capitalism, right?

01:06:42.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:06:43.000 No, yeah, I agree completely.

01:06:45.000 Yeah.

01:06:46.000 So, you know, because in communism, sorry to interrupt, but in communism, they say, just elaborate a bit.

01:06:52.000 In communism, they say, I know how it's going to work.

01:06:54.000 All right.

01:06:55.000 So I will handle who gets food, who does this, who's worth living, who isn't worth living.

01:07:00.000 And you end up with Mao's great leap forward with 80 million dead.

01:07:03.000 In our world, where we say everyone talks, myths get busted.

01:07:07.000 Blacks can be free. 1.00

01:07:08.000 The drug war is over. 0.88

01:07:10.000 And we have more saved lives.

01:07:14.000 So, no, I completely agree.

01:07:14.000 Yeah.

01:07:16.000 And the problem with the left is that because these statistics are, I guess, racist, they think that we're just trying to say this because, you know, to benefit white people, which is completely wrong.

01:07:29.000 They think that just because a statistic is too sensitive to talk about, because it is a sensitive subject, you know, the deaths of black people, it is really sensitive.

01:07:41.000 But if this was happening to the white community or the Asian community or the Hispanic community, I'll still say the exact same thing. 0.65

01:07:46.000 I would still say, hey, we should probably fix this ongoing problem that we have within our own communities before we talk about the other problems that, you know, based on just statistics, there's no correlation between black deaths, white deaths, and the police.

01:08:04.000 Yeah.

01:08:04.000 And African immigrants from Africa do better than whites generally in this country.

01:08:09.000 They're a more successful ethnic minority.

01:08:12.000 You're an immigrant from China, right?

01:08:14.000 Correct.

01:08:15.000 That would be embarrassing if you weren't, and I said that.

01:08:20.000 If your great-great-great-great-grandfather came over here as a coolie or something, and you're like fifth generation American, hey, you must be from China, right, Katha Zoo? 0.94

01:08:29.000 You must have just got in off the boat, right?

01:08:32.000 No, but we talked about that before.

01:08:33.000 And it's funny that your family came here from an oppressive communist society.

01:08:38.000 You fall in love with Western values and free speech, and you're in a beauty pageant, and the American way says, you're beautiful.

01:08:45.000 We're so happy you're here.

01:08:46.000 We love you.

01:08:47.000 Yeah, you're rocking.

01:08:48.000 And then you say, I love free speech in America and I'm worried about this.

01:08:51.000 And they go, you're fired.

01:08:53.000 Get out of here. 0.99

01:08:54.000 Yeah, it's so ridiculous. 0.99

01:08:56.000 I mean, their whole platform is that, hey, we have to really let women talk. 1.00

01:08:59.000 You know, feminism, right? 1.00

01:09:01.000 We have to advocate for women's voices. 1.00

01:09:03.000 But then as soon as we say something that they disagree or they don't like or it's too inflammatory or, you know, sensitive, then we're not allowed to talk about it.

01:09:12.000 If we don't talk about the sensitive subjects right now, when are we going to ever talk about it?

01:09:16.000 When are we ever going to fix it?

01:09:17.000 When are we ever going to solve it? 0.91

01:09:19.000 So it's just ridiculous. 0.95

01:09:21.000 It's nuts. 0.98

01:09:22.000 Maybe they thought you were getting homesick and they wanted to give you a little dose of communist oppression.

01:09:29.000 I'm glad you mentioned feminism because your other tweet was criticizing the hijab and saying that it oppresses women. 0.80

01:09:37.000 And the usual Muslim defense for that is that they choose to. 1.00

01:09:41.000 But the obvious retort to that retort is, well, what happens when they choose not to?

01:09:46.000 Like, what happens to Ilhan Omar when she lets her freak flag fly and just has her hair all out all over the place? 0.94

01:09:52.000 How does her community respond to that? 0.68

01:09:55.000 See, the problem for me is that I don't even have a problem with this Islam or Muslim community.

01:10:01.000 The problem I have is that we're so focused on the Muslims in Western society that we completely diminish and devalue the Muslims who are actually being oppressed in Muslim countries by the government.

01:10:12.000 So, I mean, two years ago in Saudi Arabia, women were just allowed to drive.

01:10:16.000 Like, are we not talking about that?

01:10:17.000 Do we not mention that at all just because we're fine in the U.S.?

01:10:22.000 Like, I'm so glad that the U.S. is able to have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and this is why people are allowed to have whatever religion they want to.

01:10:29.000 But let's talk about the actual problems in other countries, too.

01:10:32.000 Yeah.

01:10:33.000 I feel this, I probably am more radical when it comes to Islam than you, but I think the burqa is oppressive. 1.00

01:10:39.000 I think, and my mom brought up a great point.

01:10:42.000 She goes, if it's just about religious freedom and not sexualizing women, why isn't it like a fun flowing white cotton?

01:10:48.000 Why is it black polyester in a country where 110 degrees is perfectly normal?

01:10:53.000 You're clearly trying to make her suffer.

01:10:56.000 And it's funny how feminism has embraced that. 0.99

01:10:59.000 We had Linda Sarsour at the Women's March saying no pro-lifers around. 0.93

01:11:05.000 Muslims are pro-life.

01:11:07.000 You can't have an abortion in Islam.

01:11:09.000 Sharia doesn't include abortion.

01:11:11.000 So I don't get the disconnect.

01:11:12.000 Is it all just fashion?

01:11:15.000 Yeah, this is why I tweeted.

01:11:16.000 Is it just a fashion accessory?

01:11:17.000 Because, you know, this tweet was actually in relation to how I was basically asked to try on a hijab for World Hijab Day, whatever that is, at my old university in Florida.

01:11:26.000 And I said, no, I decline.

01:11:28.000 I don't want to wear it.

01:11:28.000 It's not my religion.

01:11:29.000 I have to go To class anyway, I'm late.

01:11:31.000 And I tweeted about it.

01:11:32.000 And then people started saying, Well, you're so xomophobic because you don't want to try on a garment that isn't even your religion.

01:11:38.000 So for me, that's like, do I have the freedom to say as a woman that I don't want to try something on?

01:11:43.000 Like, is it, am I being oppressed because you want to put something on me and I don't want to try it on?

01:11:47.000 So, I'm not sure.

01:11:49.000 I'm not sure Islam wants you to do that. 1.00

01:11:52.000 Like, doesn't that violate the rules?

01:11:54.000 If I'm, you know, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where I just moved from, the Hasidic Jews will have this big fur hat and they wear like stockings and stuff and have the paus with the belt with the strings. 1.00

01:12:05.000 I think if I put that on, I would get attacked.

01:12:08.000 I mean, aren't you blaspheming the religion when you put on its accoutrements?

01:12:13.000 Exactly.

01:12:14.000 I mean, for example, like, you don't see like try on a Catholic Rosary Day at my school.

01:12:18.000 Like, why is it just that, you know, Islam gets the attention and then Christians and Catholics get criticized every time they say something Christian related?

01:12:28.000 I thought it was cultural appropriation.

01:12:30.000 It's blackface. 0.98

01:12:32.000 It's wrong.

01:12:34.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:12:36.000 So how old were these tweets that you made that made you unpretty?

01:12:43.000 They were probably a year or so old.

01:12:46.000 So it's really old.

01:12:48.000 Okay, so that gets suspicious, my dear.

01:12:50.000 Now I'm starting to think that there's some money, some force, someone in there going, uh-oh, she's making MAGA hat cool. 0.99

01:12:59.000 She might be red pilling someone. 1.00

01:13:00.000 Comb through her Twitter, see what you can find, and then contact the beauty pageant people. 0.97

01:13:07.000 Yeah, so it's, you know, I got crowned on Wednesday.

01:13:10.000 My title got stripped the next day.

01:13:12.000 So it's like, you know, why?

01:13:14.000 I gave you, I gave them all of my Twitter handles, my Instagram handles, my social media handles, and somehow they didn't look through it before they crowned me.

01:13:22.000 And then somehow a day later, you took away my crown because you saw something on my Twitter account, which is a year old.

01:13:27.000 It's like, I don't even know what's happening.

01:13:29.000 I know what's happening.

01:13:30.000 They got bombarded by someone with money and definitely time who didn't want you making Mega look good because that's bad for them for Trump in 2020.

01:13:41.000 So we have to, we have to ban censor.

01:13:44.000 I mean, it happened to me.

01:13:44.000 We're in the same boat in this where we're likable and that means red pills.

01:13:50.000 And that's bad for them in 2020.

01:13:54.000 This is a bizarre political trend where women are no longer beautiful. 1.00

01:13:59.000 Yeah.

01:14:00.000 Just for expressing their opinions.

01:14:00.000 Exactly.

01:14:04.000 It's insane.

01:14:05.000 It reminds me, my dad is incredibly cheap.

01:14:08.000 And we were on vacation once and I bought this really nice steak.

01:14:11.000 It was like 50 bucks.

01:14:12.000 And he's like, oh my God, this is delicious.

01:14:15.000 And I go, you know, that steak costs $100.

01:14:18.000 And he just goes, and the meat fell out of his mouth. 1.00

01:14:21.000 It turned to shit in his mouth because he's so cheap that he can't enjoy something that's $100. 1.00

01:14:27.000 So we can have Miss Michigan, this beautiful woman. 1.00

01:14:30.000 And then the second we find out that she's MAGA, or the second we get nagged by some globalist group.

01:14:36.000 I don't know who the hell combed through your Twitter, but something fishy is going on. 0.96

01:14:39.000 And the second they say that, she's hideous. 0.99

01:14:42.000 Get her out of here. 1.00

01:14:44.000 I really would love to get to the bottom of this and find out who was behind the swarm of bees that attacked them for liking you.

01:14:53.000 Yeah, no, I agree completely.

01:14:54.000 I have no idea.

01:14:57.000 To my knowledge, I feel like someone emailed them who already followed me maybe, who despised me and wanted me to not be successful in anything.

01:15:06.000 I mean, this happened for me about four months ago where I got kicked out of my sorority because I was a conservative. 0.75

01:15:15.000 And they were saying your tweets are so bad and you're racist, you're Islamophobic, same thing. 0.90

01:15:21.000 And I got kicked out. 0.98

01:15:22.000 So it's just a war on conservative women now. 1.00

01:15:26.000 It's bizarre. 0.97

01:15:27.000 And I think what happens is all of this helps Trump because they go, we are living in a clown world. 0.99

01:15:32.000 This is totally unhinged. 0.96

01:15:34.000 We need to correct the ship.

01:15:37.000 Yeah, and it's funny because everyone who's calling me racist, the liberals who calling me racist, they're using racial slurs against me. 1.00

01:15:45.000 So there was one person saying, wow, you're so racist, you ching chong bitch. 1.00

01:15:49.000 And I'm like, oh, wow. 1.00

01:15:50.000 So exactly what you're referring to. 0.98

01:15:53.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.92

01:15:54.000 Well, the good news is if this keeps going and keeps getting worse and we get more socialism, more communism, more tyranny, more censorship, you can always go back to China and be free. 0.97

01:16:05.000 Yeah, right?

01:16:07.000 Keep hopscotching around the world as countries fall apart.

01:16:12.000 Kathy, thanks for coming on the show.

01:16:13.000 What happened to you is incredible.

01:16:16.000 It must have been really depressing for that to happen to you, but you must see all the support you're getting now.

01:16:20.000 Everyone is outraged by this.

01:16:23.000 Yeah, no, I completely agree.

01:16:25.000 And I'm so glad that I got the support from everyone.

01:16:27.000 And this, you know, it was a negative thing at first for me, but then now it's changed into a really positive thing where I'm now more empowered to raise my voice and to talk about conservatism.

01:16:38.000 And it's been good.

01:16:40.000 Beautiful.

01:16:41.000 And you're beautiful.

01:16:42.000 And thank you for coming on the show.

01:16:44.000 Thank you for having me.

01:16:45.000 See ya.

01:16:46.000 See you.

01:16:53.000 you you you you Nice.

01:16:58.000 Can you imagine listening to John Mayer just on your own?

01:17:02.000 That's what you did?

01:17:04.000 I've done it.

01:17:05.000 You've done that.

01:17:06.000 Listen to John Mayer?

01:17:07.000 Yeah.

01:17:08.000 Yeah, I used to be, I used to care about guitar more, and he's a guitar player that's pretty good.

01:17:13.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:14.000 Every time I come up with a ridiculous scenario that's unfathomable, it's just you. 0.92

01:17:20.000 Like, can you imagine going to a children's movie on a regular basis? 0.67

01:17:25.000 Yeah.

01:17:26.000 Can you imagine combing through hours of shows because you heard someone mentioned your name once?

01:17:31.000 It's one hour, and I listened past that point because it's a funny show.

01:17:35.000 Aaron Berg and Gino Biscanti.

01:17:39.000 Right now, we've got a special deal for our listeners.

01:17:41.000 Visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment free when you use special promo code GAVIN Just pay the $5 shipping.

01:17:49.000 B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com, promo code GAN to try it for free.

01:17:56.000 Blue Chew is a little blue pill that has the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.

01:18:03.000 I know you don't have erectile dysfunction, but we all do at least once a year.

01:18:10.000 So why not have this blue chew ready to go in your wallet by your nightstand?

01:18:16.000 It's ready for emergencies.

01:18:18.000 I think you're insane not to do this.

01:18:20.000 It's five bucks, just the shipping, and you get this, this emergency there.

01:18:25.000 And I've also noticed, by the way, that as we get to our later years, it's not exactly the same wood you got when you were 14.

01:18:35.000 It's fun to try out wood once in a while.

01:18:40.000 What were you going to say?

01:18:41.000 What did you just say?

01:18:43.000 It's fun to try out wood every once in a while. 1.00

01:18:45.000 Yeah, you know, it's fun to try out intercourse with your penis so erect that it feels like a piece of wood is what I was getting at. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Sure, sure. 0.99

01:18:55.000 So whether you need this or not, I don't understand why you wouldn't have it as a backup.

01:19:02.000 Because say, hypothetically, this Asian dude at the beginning of the show, say Linda Cavanagnelli, what the hell's her name?

01:19:12.000 One thing about Americans is they know all the actors' names.

01:19:16.000 Cardinelli.

01:19:17.000 Cardinelli.

01:19:18.000 Every American I met, they can just name everyone in the Godfather.

01:19:20.000 They'll have some guy and old dude doing a commercial on a cheap station because his career is over.

01:19:27.000 And they'll know who he is, exactly what he was in.

01:19:29.000 Oh, that's the guy from Matlock. 0.96

01:19:33.000 But say she was looking for really nervous Asian dudes who are losers because it reminded her of some ex-boyfriend. 0.97

01:19:41.000 And he walked in right when that happened. 0.98

01:19:43.000 He might have got her home.

01:19:45.000 Now everything is riding on that night.

01:19:48.000 Everything.

01:19:50.000 And if he doesn't perform, then she goes, oh, I guess he's not that into me.

01:19:54.000 Poof.

01:19:55.000 You just lost your dream.

01:19:57.000 Now, they could end up together.

01:20:00.000 Maybe she can still have kids. 1.00

01:20:01.000 Then they have kids.

01:20:02.000 Now he has another 40 years of his life that are just pure absolute bliss.

01:20:07.000 Because he was on and ready to go that first night because he spent five bucks for Blue Chew.

01:20:07.000 Why?

01:20:14.000 And by the way, those kids go on to have kids, and then those kids go on to have kids.

01:20:19.000 So Blue Chew could create millions of lives.

01:20:24.000 No, save millions of lives.

01:20:26.000 Because without it, those kids don't exist.

01:20:29.000 That's murder.

01:20:30.000 So wait a minute.

01:20:31.000 Not going to B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com, BlueChew.com, and using the promo code Gavin is tantamount to genocide.

01:20:41.000 By you not spending $5, you are murdering millions of people.

01:20:45.000 In other words, you're worse than Hitler. 0.79

01:20:49.000 If you love Hitler, then don't go there. 0.54

01:20:51.000 We don't need your money. 1.00

01:20:53.000 But if you think Hitler was a jerk, you may want to check out BlueChew.com. 0.99

01:21:00.000 That's their logo. 1.00

01:21:03.000 I'm already mumbling up my words and forgetting what I'm talking about.

01:21:07.000 Should we try taking some calls on what we like to call the worst talk show on earth?

01:21:12.000 Welcome back to the worst talk show on earth, where we screw up calls, have horrible delays, and can't speak to the people who are trying to speak to us.

01:21:21.000 Correct.

01:21:22.000 Should you put the number up on the screen?

01:21:23.000 Yes, the number 718, and I'll get it visually.

01:21:27.000 718-400-6959.

01:21:30.000 That number again, 1718-400-6959.

01:21:35.000 And there's a 69 in that number, which the last thing you want to do is try to start a 69 if you're having erectile dysfunction.

01:21:42.000 Very good.

01:21:42.000 You can't even see what's going on down there.

01:21:45.000 So it's all up to him.

01:21:46.000 He's on his own. 1.00

01:21:48.000 A 69 is sort of like your penis moving out of the house. 1.00

01:21:51.000 And you're like, well, kid, I'll probably see you in about eight minutes, but. 1.00

01:21:56.000 Peace.

01:21:57.000 I've got stuff to do.

01:21:59.000 And then he comes back after.

01:22:00.000 He's like, how'd I do?

01:22:02.000 And you were like, you were awesome, probably.

01:22:03.000 I don't know.

01:22:04.000 I was focused on something else entirely.

01:22:07.000 We got a call from Steve.

01:22:11.000 Let me say something, folks, callers.

01:22:13.000 Because this talk show is so terrible and this software is such a nightmare, do all your talking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:22:19.000 We're not going to have a back and forth like Ryan and I. So just get it all out and then I'll respond.

01:22:24.000 Yes.

01:22:24.000 Steve, are you there?

01:22:28.000 He is in a second.

01:22:30.000 Steve, can you hear us, sir?

01:22:34.000 Yeah.

01:22:35.000 This is Stefan.

01:22:36.000 Stefan, that's right.

01:22:37.000 Sorry.

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 So I just wanted to say something about public education.

01:22:46.000 The delay is there.

01:22:49.000 I'm just going to get it all out.

01:22:50.000 Yep, good.

01:22:51.000 So the Commissioner of Education, our very first one, wrote a book called The Philosophy of Education, and he writes that the public school system must alienate children from their own natures,

01:23:08.000 from their parents, from their cultures, from their religion, by directly indoctrinating inexperienced young minds under the total control of royal hirelings called school teachers and to psychologically conditioned students to give unquestioning obedience to politicians alone.

01:23:26.000 He was inspired by Johann Ficht, which was the philosopher who made the Prussian model.

01:23:31.000 So basically, create drones who make good soldiers.

01:23:36.000 And one generation of that turns you into kamikaze bombers, literally. 0.86

01:23:45.000 So one point before I get off here also, I wanted to mention that we didn't start slavery.

01:23:53.000 We ended it.

01:23:54.000 You like to say that a lot.

01:23:56.000 The reason why Britain ended slavery first is because they discovered first that wage slaves are free in name only. 0.62

01:24:04.000 They are cheaper to exploit, work much harder than regular slaves.

01:24:11.000 And so the failing of the education system.

01:24:17.000 It's not failing.

01:24:18.000 It's doing exactly what it's designed to do.

01:24:22.000 Thanks for calling, dude.

01:24:24.000 So we've got two things there.

01:24:26.000 Why do people always have two things to say when they get a question?

01:24:29.000 You've noticed that?

01:24:30.000 They say, Hi, Mr. Shapiro.

01:24:30.000 Like it talks.

01:24:32.000 Hi, Ben.

01:24:33.000 Thanks for coming.

01:24:34.000 My question is in two parts.

01:24:35.000 First, I guess because they don't get a chance to talk, so they've got to get it all up.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, they're thinking.

01:24:40.000 That's fascinating that the man who started our public education in America was all about indoctrination, but I don't think that kind of an initial plan would have the longevity to last till now.

01:24:53.000 No matter what he set out for, there's going to be something else organically that happens that would obliterate his immediate intentions.

01:25:00.000 No, he's not God.

01:25:00.000 He's not parting the seas.

01:25:02.000 I think the reason that they are so left-wing is because the teachers' unions are the most powerful unions in the country, more power, and they have more influence on the right and the left than any other lobby in Capitol Hill.

01:25:16.000 And when you have an omnipotent union like that that just keeps getting paid, and these teachers get great salaries despite what they tell you, and the unions are skimming a little off of every single teacher, you can't not be in the union, which is communism.

01:25:30.000 And they keep scraping up that money.

01:25:33.000 And what do you do when you're a union?

01:25:34.000 You push union politics on your teachers.

01:25:37.000 And the next thing you know, they're Marxists.

01:25:39.000 They're socialists.

01:25:40.000 That's what a union is, right?

01:25:42.000 It's pro-socialist.

01:25:43.000 So the union, which is created by the teachers, then uses that power to brainwash the teachers and say, union, union, union.

01:25:51.000 Sort of like the way you see these iron workers in Manhattan going with pro-Hillary signs. 0.99

01:25:56.000 They look so fucking ridiculous. 0.98

01:25:58.000 These big, tough iron workers and boilermakers with pipe fitters, sorry, with these signs that say, go Hillary, you can do it. 1.00

01:26:07.000 And I'm like, I know you hate her, asshole. 1.00

01:26:11.000 And the rest of her, too. 1.00

01:26:12.000 Yeah, the union ends up using the members like puppets.

01:26:16.000 And these puppets parrot Marxist doctrine.

01:26:19.000 And so what happens in the classroom? 1.00

01:26:21.000 The same shit. 1.00

01:26:22.000 They parrot that to the kids. 1.00

01:26:24.000 And Marxist doctrines aren't just pro-union.

01:26:27.000 They're also anti-Western, anti-capitalism, anti-American, anti-male, anti-patriarchy, anti-Christian.

01:26:36.000 And the next thing you know, your kids are getting brainwashed by far-left radicals.

01:26:39.000 That's what Antifa is.

01:26:40.000 In New York, they're all academics.

01:26:43.000 So this is why I think school just should be abolished.

01:26:46.000 It's done.

01:26:47.000 It's irreparable.

01:26:49.000 Charter schools are hopeful.

01:26:53.000 But as far as college goes, what could you possibly learn in college that you can't learn on your computer?

01:27:01.000 Order the syllabus, buy the book.

01:27:03.000 And nothing gives you information, modern information like interning.

01:27:08.000 You could take a course to do Ryan's job at some dumb tech college where all their equipment is old and they haven't used it and no one in the real world uses it anymore, but they can't throw it away because it's too valuable.

01:27:19.000 The system changes too fast for college these days.

01:27:23.000 Like you go to, say you went into film school to learn horror movies two years ago and you were making monsters.

01:27:31.000 They go, no, it's all CGI now.

01:27:33.000 Well, I'm trying to learn how to make a werewolf.

01:27:35.000 No, that's all done in CGI.

01:27:37.000 And then the next year, they're doing even more high-tech stuff and so on and so on.

01:27:41.000 You'd only work, you'd only learn this interning at a movie place.

01:27:45.000 So, to answer your question, sir, I'm disgusted that the guy said that about indoctrination, but I blame the modern unions for ruining the schools.

01:27:53.000 And I think charter schools, anti-union charter schools, are the only hope for our kids.

01:27:58.000 And as far as secondary education, I say abolish it.

01:28:02.000 And what was his second point?

01:28:06.000 I don't remember.

01:28:08.000 You're great.

01:28:09.000 You're a huge help.

01:28:13.000 Okay, next caller.

01:28:14.000 All right.

01:28:15.000 Andrew says Nirvana ripped off Depeche Mode.

01:28:19.000 Andrew, are you there, sir?

01:28:22.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:28:23.000 You know, you were talking about, you know, songs that may or may not be rip-offs of other songs.

01:28:30.000 I have always thought that Nirvana's All Apologies, the opening part, sounds a lot like Strange Love by Depeche Mode.

01:28:41.000 Oh, hey, thanks for calling.

01:28:42.000 Let's look it up right now.

01:28:44.000 Yep.

01:28:47.000 Strange Love.

01:28:48.000 Strange Love by Depeche Mode. 0.99

01:28:51.000 Who I have a feeling might be gay. 0.98

01:28:54.000 Sometimes, yeah. 0.86

01:28:56.000 I've got a really good gaydar, and sometimes when I see them, I get slightly gayish vibes.

01:29:02.000 I don't know, man.

01:29:03.000 No?

01:29:04.000 You don't see it?

01:29:05.000 I see. 0.99

01:29:06.000 What about the part where he goes, people up, people, so don't beat up fags. 1.00

01:29:10.000 He says that? 0.98

01:29:11.000 Yeah.

01:29:11.000 Oh.

01:29:14.000 Here's all apologies.

01:29:19.000 Now this is the acoustic version.

01:29:23.000 It's actually better to have the acoustic version because the notes are more clear.

01:29:29.000 Okay. 1.00

01:29:30.000 Damn, damn, damn damn, damn, down, damn, damn. 1.00

01:29:32.000 Doom, damn, damn, down. 1.00

01:29:34.000 it I don't know, color. 1.00

01:29:43.000 Strange love, strange lives on strange love.

01:29:47.000 Strange love.

01:29:49.000 That sounds like a lot of fun.

01:29:50.000 No.

01:29:50.000 Sorry.

01:29:51.000 You know, I remember there was a black chick who had a hit out last year. 1.00

01:29:56.000 This is going to bore everyone and waste their time. 0.83

01:29:59.000 But let's continue.

01:30:04.000 It's the doody-doo-doo. 0.99

01:30:06.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

01:30:08.000 That does not sound familiar to me.

01:30:13.000 Who is it now?

01:30:15.000 Pink is the doopy-dee-doo. 0.94

01:30:18.000 She's black. 0.97

01:30:19.000 Black artist.

01:30:23.000 Oh, God. 0.80

01:30:24.000 I'm looking at black artist.

01:30:26.000 Yeah, that's.

01:30:27.000 But it's anyway, it's a total rip-up of Yaz. 0.90

01:30:29.000 I'll find that for next show.

01:30:31.000 Uh-oh.

01:30:32.000 Steven says, I'd like to rebut because Gavin got it all wrong, and I'd like to elaborate on one thing.

01:30:32.000 Uh-oh.

01:30:38.000 all right let's welcome him back to the show Stephen, you're back, sir.

01:30:50.000 Yeah, thanks.

01:30:54.000 This wasn't just back in the early 1900s.

01:30:58.000 This has been a continuing theme throughout government public education.

01:31:05.000 Yeah, and I think it comes from the unions.

01:31:09.000 I mean, union is basically the arm of this entire government.

01:31:16.000 The government and the unions, of course, are together in this, and it helps perpetuate that.

01:31:21.000 That's correct.

01:31:23.000 Are you walking through a haunted house?

01:31:25.000 No, look, we got your point.

01:31:26.000 You don't get two calls.

01:31:27.000 I thought you were the Debesche Mode guy calling back.

01:31:29.000 Oh.

01:31:31.000 Steve, sorry.

01:31:33.000 You walk like a lurch in the Adams family.

01:31:36.000 Okay, hang up.

01:31:38.000 Sorry, Steve.

01:31:39.000 I found the song.

01:31:40.000 So look up Yaz. 0.95

01:31:44.000 Okay.

01:31:45.000 Right?

01:31:45.000 They had one hit.

01:31:47.000 Situation?

01:31:50.000 Is that it?

01:31:52.000 This one I'm really confident about.

01:31:54.000 Oh, they're called Yazoo.

01:31:55.000 Yeah, it's Situation.

01:31:57.000 No, it's only you.

01:31:58.000 It's only you.

01:31:59.000 Oh.

01:32:01.000 Let me just be sure.

01:32:03.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:32:04.000 Okay.

01:32:04.000 So Yaz, only you, and then Janelle Monet, pink.

01:32:08.000 Oh, I know Janelle. 1.00

01:32:09.000 This is what a fag I am. 0.98

01:32:13.000 How come when they're framing me for hate speech, they don't include parts like that? 0.99

01:32:17.000 Right. 0.98

01:32:20.000 They'll just say he used the word fag. 0.98

01:32:24.000 Okay, go back to the beginning. 1.00

01:32:27.000 This woman suffered brutal mental illness problems. 1.00

01:32:30.000 Shh. 1.00

01:32:30.000 She was a nut. 1.00

01:32:48.000 Okay, we got it. 0.87

01:32:49.000 Now let's do Janelle Monet, modern pop star with pink. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Another one of these stupid movies. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Fucking crazy intro. 1.00

01:33:05.000 35 seconds and it starts wow Wow. 1.00

01:33:15.000 Baby, pink behind all of the doors.

01:33:19.000 That's very, very, very crazy.

01:33:20.000 Yeah.

01:33:25.000 It's cultural appropriation. 0.99

01:33:27.000 This is black people stealing from white culture. 1.00

01:33:30.000 Yes. 0.99

01:33:31.000 This is so typical of pop music.

01:33:37.000 Let's go to the next call.

01:33:38.000 Okay, Andre, would you rather...

01:33:42.000 Hey, Andre, would you rather...

01:33:45.000 Yeah, dog.

01:33:45.000 What's up, bro?

01:33:48.000 All right. 1.00

01:33:49.000 So, Gavin, would you rather be fucked by like a very, very butch, like, like gross, butch lesbian? 1.00

01:33:58.000 Like, she's fucking you, and you hate it, and you're kind of scared, and you don't know when it's going to end. 1.00

01:34:05.000 Would you rather do that, or would you rather eat out a good-looking gay man's ass and have him also eat out your ass? 1.00

01:34:13.000 Was the first one an ugly woman? 1.00

01:34:16.000 Butch lesbian. 1.00

01:34:17.000 Yeah, like an ugly, gross, like an ugly, like the grossest, dirtiest, butchiest lesbian you can think of. 1.00

01:34:22.000 And how is she, is she pegging me with a strap on? 1.00

01:34:27.000 No, she's like, you're like on your back and you're using your dick, but she's like fucking you. 1.00

01:34:32.000 Okay. 1.00

01:34:33.000 You're just taking it.

01:34:34.000 Let me ask you something. 0.99

01:34:35.000 Are you gay, sir? 0.98

01:34:38.000 No, not gay.

01:34:39.000 I'm just like, I'm from California, so it's like kind of you're LA straight.

01:34:45.000 No, I'm from, I'm not San Francisco straight.

01:34:48.000 Nice.

01:34:49.000 That's an easy one, sir. 1.00

01:34:50.000 I would much rather be with the ugly chick. 1.00

01:34:53.000 The thing you have to understand about all of these is it's going to haunt you forever. 1.00

01:34:58.000 Like we used to have this thing, how much would you have to be paid to be raped by a homeless man? 0.94

01:35:03.000 I brought that up at a big dinner with Ann Coulter, by the way, once. 0.52

01:35:05.000 She was really mad at me because, you know, I was with all her classy smart friends, and I'm presenting that whole thing to the table and then not stopping to talk about it.

01:35:13.000 I talked about it nonstop, sorry.

01:35:16.000 But say it's like the way I work it out, it was like $13 million and you give seven to charity.

01:35:23.000 But when you're swimming in your indoor pool in your $7 million mansion, people, your friends come over and they go, this place is awesome. 0.99

01:35:30.000 You got that from your stupid vidcast thing? 1.00

01:35:33.000 And you go, no, I had sex with a homeless man. 1.00

01:35:36.000 Like you're now in the rape house. 1.00

01:35:38.000 So it's what happens after. 1.00

01:35:41.000 You wouldn't be down with like a good looking, like say like you wouldn't eat, you would rather fuck a gross, dirty woman than like eat out Milo's ass. 1.00

01:35:50.000 Yes. 1.00

01:35:52.000 I think you might be gay, if that's even a maybe for you. 1.00

01:35:56.000 Because you're walking down the street next week and you're like, I had sex with a man. 1.00

01:36:04.000 It's just eating him out. 0.99

01:36:04.000 That's not sex. 0.99

01:36:07.000 Thanks, dude.

01:36:08.000 Thanks, buddy.

01:36:10.000 That's a new t-shirt for us.

01:36:12.000 Just eating a dude's. 1.00

01:36:13.000 It's not sex if you're just eating a dude's ass. 1.00

01:36:16.000 All right. 1.00

01:36:16.000 25 hottest women in the world. 1.00

01:36:18.000 Hey, James.

01:36:20.000 Wait, oh, sorry.

01:36:24.000 James?

01:36:24.000 You're ready, James.

01:36:25.000 Would you like to talk about the 25 hottest women in the world? 0.72

01:36:27.000 Yes, you're on, sir.

01:36:30.000 Yeah, Gavin.

01:36:32.000 When are we going to get an update to that?

01:36:33.000 Plus, I have a chick from Fox News.

01:36:36.000 I think her name's Lauren Fisher.

01:36:37.000 She's a redhead. 1.00

01:36:38.000 It's F-I-S-C-H-R. 1.00

01:36:42.000 And then also, I want to know what your take is on the Mueller report.

01:36:46.000 How frustrating was that?

01:36:48.000 The guy didn't, it didn't even seem like he wrote the report or even worked on it.

01:36:52.000 I was so infuriated that, what was it, $40 million went to that?

01:36:58.000 I mean, oh my God, it was...

01:37:03.000 He refused to acknowledge what was in it.

01:37:05.000 And he obviously wants to stay out of jail.

01:37:07.000 But one of the most fascinating takeaways for me of many was that he refused to deny that they leaked the information to CNN.

01:37:19.000 The fact that that story died on the vine and was not pursued is a perfect example of how journalism is dead.

01:37:26.000 CNN had a crew, a news crew, in front of Roger Stone's house, one hour before the FBI, the CIA, the SWAT all showed up to take him out, bin Laden style.

01:37:39.000 One hour.

01:37:41.000 And the explanation for this wasn't that we were tipped off, but that I had a hunch.

01:37:45.000 So I flew down from Washington, D.C. to Palm Springs and did a stakeout.

01:37:51.000 Now, you can talk to people in the detective industry, private detectives.

01:37:55.000 Ask them what a typical stakeout is, especially for a wild hunch like Roger Stone's probably going to get arrested soon.

01:38:02.000 Maybe a week.

01:38:03.000 I might believe a week.

01:38:05.000 One hour, boom.

01:38:07.000 So, and then I remember watching the news that day, and everyone on CNN was bragging. 1.00

01:38:11.000 They're going, our intrepid reporter, and it's some stupid 23-year-old kid. 0.99

01:38:15.000 Like, it's not someone who's ever done this before. 1.00

01:38:18.000 It's a child.

01:38:19.000 And his other, the cameraman was like another 23-year-old, probably because they thought these guys might get shot. 0.99

01:38:23.000 Let's just send some losers down there. 1.00

01:38:26.000 So these two little children go down there and bust the story of the century. 0.99

01:38:31.000 And no one looks into it, no doubt.

01:38:33.000 And CNN has the arrogance to brag that we just have some great reporters who really got their ear to the ground.

01:38:40.000 And when Mueller was asked about it yesterday, he refused to deny that he tipped off CNN.

01:38:46.000 The FBI tipped off CNN.

01:38:47.000 And why is that such a big deal?

01:38:49.000 Because it shows that the media and the DNC and the swamp are all colluding.

01:38:55.000 You're looking for collusion?

01:38:57.000 We just found it.

01:38:58.000 They are using the media as a tool to further their gains.

01:39:02.000 That's called propaganda.

01:39:03.000 That's Soviet. 0.76

01:39:04.000 That's the East, not the West. 0.86

01:39:06.000 That's un-American. 0.81

01:39:08.000 The fact that the CNN was tipped off is a very disturbing indication that we are drifting into socialism. 0.99

01:39:17.000 Damn. 0.99

01:39:20.000 Here's that chick, by the way. 1.00

01:39:21.000 That's not that chick. 1.00

01:39:22.000 You tarred.

01:39:24.000 That's not her?

01:39:25.000 Lauren Fisher?

01:39:26.000 Yeah, that's a woman who is a professional athlete who also appears on Fox News. 1.00

01:39:34.000 Look up Lauren Fisher, Fox News. 0.96

01:39:38.000 Why would you look up a common name like Lauren Fisher and see her in workout gear and assume you had the right one? 1.00

01:39:45.000 You really are brain damaged. 0.99

01:39:48.000 Well, that's even bad. 0.99

01:39:49.000 You didn't hear that part.

01:39:51.000 I'm not putting her on the list, my friend.

01:39:53.000 Sorry.

01:39:54.000 This list, by the way, is getting constricted.

01:39:57.000 We are cutting way down.

01:39:58.000 It's way too big.

01:39:59.000 25 is too big of a number.

01:40:00.000 Oh, she's pretty hot there. 1.00

01:40:02.000 I wonder what it's like being married to a redhead. 1.00

01:40:04.000 I hear they're insatiable.

01:40:07.000 That would be cool, huh? 0.99

01:40:09.000 Living with a woman with a gays libido? 1.00

01:40:12.000 And I think they're absolute savages. 1.00

01:40:14.000 I don't think I've ever had sex with a redhead. 1.00

01:40:17.000 I must have. 0.93

01:40:18.000 But an authentic one?

01:40:20.000 Not really my type.

01:40:22.000 Okay, next.

01:40:23.000 Do we have a ton of calls?

01:40:24.000 We got to get going here.

01:40:25.000 We got about seven or so. 1.00

01:40:26.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:40:27.000 I don't think we're going to get to all those. 0.99

01:40:28.000 That guy who couldn't get through last week, that was the guy who kept calling back about education.

01:40:33.000 I don't think so.

01:40:34.000 So we don't.

01:40:34.000 Did that guy show up?

01:40:35.000 We should get him on first.

01:40:37.000 No, he already came last.

01:40:37.000 The education guy.

01:40:39.000 No, I'm talking about the guy who didn't get on the show last week.

01:40:42.000 I don't think that was him.

01:40:43.000 Bernie Free Speech.

01:40:45.000 Okay.

01:40:47.000 Okay, Bernie Free Speech.

01:40:48.000 Mr. McKinnis.

01:40:50.000 Mr. McInnes, how can you purport to be a proponent of freedom of speech that is a human right, yet you charge an exorbitant amount for your website?

01:40:59.000 It's a human right.

01:41:00.000 It should not be for the top 1% of the percent.

01:41:02.000 Thank you.

01:41:03.000 Oh, this is actually Bernie.

01:41:04.000 That was actually Bernie Sanders.

01:41:05.000 That was Bernie Sanders calling into the show.

01:41:07.000 That's amazing.

01:41:08.000 See, we have an incredible reach.

01:41:11.000 I don't know.

01:41:11.000 I got to pay the bills.

01:41:12.000 I've been kicked off of every other platform.

01:41:15.000 And I had to build this platform.

01:41:16.000 It wasn't cheap.

01:41:18.000 I had to build the website.

01:41:19.000 We're almost done the app.

01:41:20.000 But I guess in today's society, free speech is not free. 0.99

01:41:26.000 Damn. 0.99

01:41:28.000 Now that asks what's ups. 0.99

01:41:31.000 All right.

01:41:31.000 We're going to go.

01:41:32.000 I'm going to go visit.

01:41:34.000 That made me think of a good bit.

01:41:35.000 When we visit Tommy Robinson in prison, I'm going to show up and go, I'm here for my free Tommy Robinson.

01:41:41.000 I saw it was going all over posters everywhere saying free Tommy Robinson.

01:41:44.000 So I hear this is where he is.

01:41:45.000 He's at.

01:41:46.000 I'm here to pick up my free Tommy.

01:41:48.000 No, not funny.

01:41:50.000 Did you get it?

01:41:51.000 I'm doing things.

01:41:52.000 Like free Reese's pieces.

01:41:52.000 I'm sorry.

01:41:54.000 Oh, gotcha.

01:41:56.000 Free Tommy.

01:41:56.000 How do I redeem my Tommy exactly?

01:41:59.000 No, you're making it worse.

01:42:00.000 Okay.

01:42:01.000 You're going to hear some sort of jokes that are rough around the edges.

01:42:04.000 That'll take some polishing.

01:42:06.000 Okay.

01:42:07.000 Mark, and I'd like to know if Gavin's read a certain book about hipsters and New York City rock music in the early aughts.

01:42:16.000 I read that when I was in the hospital for I put a firecracker in my mouth and it blew up.

01:42:22.000 I thought I'd grow a beard.

01:42:26.000 Hello.

01:42:27.000 What's up, guys?

01:42:28.000 Hey, man.

01:42:29.000 Greens from NYC here from upstate New York visiting free weekend.

01:42:33.000 Gavin, I wanted to know, if you read the book Meet Me in the Bathroom at all, because I know you need to hang out with those guys with the Strokes, Interpol, Yeah, yeah, yeah, all those bands.

01:42:42.000 I was just wondering if you read that book and your two cents on it.

01:42:46.000 Mirror in the Bathroom?

01:42:46.000 What's it called?

01:42:48.000 Meet You in the Bathroom?

01:42:49.000 Meet Me in the Bathroom.

01:42:50.000 It's named after a Strokes song from the second record.

01:42:54.000 Yeah, I know that.

01:42:55.000 I know that book.

01:42:56.000 That was written by a chick who wasn't really in the scene back in the early aughts. 0.92

01:43:07.000 Lizzie Goodman is her name.

01:43:08.000 So Lizzie Goodman wasn't really part of that.

01:43:10.000 Lizzie Goodman wasn't really part of that crew back then.

01:43:14.000 And because of that, she sort of cut me out of the book.

01:43:19.000 And a lot of Vice was sort of surgically removed from the telling of the tale.

01:43:25.000 And I've even noticed Ryan McGinley do that when telling it.

01:43:29.000 They seem to pretend that I wasn't around then, but I was really the commander of the scene back then.

01:43:33.000 And I think it's because I was the one, Vice was the place documenting all this.

01:43:37.000 So New Yorkers desperately wanted to be documented and remembered.

01:43:41.000 So everyone seemed to sort of come to me and say, hi, I'm here.

01:43:44.000 Do a thing on me.

01:43:45.000 Get me on the books.

01:43:46.000 I want to exist. 1.00

01:43:47.000 So I guess I would say she's a cunt and her book sucks. 1.00

01:43:52.000 Okay. 1.00

01:43:53.000 Next.

01:43:54.000 Thanks, Mark.

01:43:54.000 Okay, we got a caller from Brazil talking about...

01:44:01.000 Oh, no, okay.

01:44:02.000 Talking about a booklet.

01:44:04.000 So I'm guessing some kind of college booklet or something.

01:44:06.000 Hello, Marcel.

01:44:09.000 Hey, Evan.

01:44:09.000 Hey, Ryan.

01:44:10.000 Called last week, actually.

01:44:12.000 What's up?

01:44:12.000 Oh.

01:44:13.000 You're so lucky to have Ball Sonaro, you lucky bastards. 1.00

01:44:18.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:44:19.000 Not too bad, right?

01:44:20.000 You have a real Trump.

01:44:23.000 Yep, yep. 0.99

01:44:24.000 He's got balls, man. 0.98

01:44:26.000 And if you see the population, everybody's, you know, more than 50% of the population is backing him. 0.98

01:44:33.000 It's, you know, there's a lot going on, but I think it's, you know, he's draining the swamp, just like Trump.

01:44:40.000 Yes, awesome.

01:44:41.000 Anyway, yeah, just a quick book recommendation, if I can.

01:44:46.000 Just check out the book called The Liberal Mind.

01:44:50.000 It's just basically a book about the psychological causes of political madness.

01:44:57.000 I sent you guys a link.

01:44:58.000 You should definitely check out.

01:45:01.000 And just the last comment.

01:45:04.000 I sent you guys a link also for a documentary.

01:45:09.000 It's called Everything is a Remix.

01:45:11.000 What's it called?

01:45:11.000 What?

01:45:12.000 Ferguson?

01:45:14.000 Everything is a Remix.

01:45:15.000 Everything is a Remix.

01:45:17.000 Yeah.

01:45:18.000 Check it out.

01:45:20.000 It's on Vimeo, and it's got, I think, three parts.

01:45:24.000 It's totally worth it.

01:45:26.000 And it really talks about everybody reaping off everybody.

01:45:30.000 We'll check that out.

01:45:30.000 Yes, okay.

01:45:31.000 Thanks for calling.

01:45:32.000 All right, thanks.

01:45:34.000 I also think viewers at home should check out a great book by Annie Lennox called Everything is Eurythmics.

01:45:41.000 Really high quality of pop music in the 90s.

01:45:45.000 Dude, what are you doing?

01:45:46.000 What?

01:45:47.000 That's my gig.

01:45:48.000 What?

01:45:49.000 Terrible jokes?

01:45:49.000 Yeah, I'm a dad.

01:45:52.000 We copyright to dad jokes.

01:45:53.000 I will say, though, I think the big problem with the liberal mind is daddy issues.

01:45:58.000 They talk about the patriarchy all the time. 0.95

01:46:01.000 I think the reason they hate white males more than anyone is because that's what their dad looks like. 0.89

01:46:05.000 And maybe they're right. 0.97

01:46:06.000 Maybe they got divorced.

01:46:07.000 Their dad wasn't there for them.

01:46:09.000 Their dad let them down. 1.00

01:46:10.000 So they have this snarky, bitchy political ethos where they run upstairs and they say, fuck you. 1.00

01:46:17.000 I hate it here. 1.00

01:46:18.000 And they slam the door of their bedroom.

01:46:20.000 They don't move out.

01:46:21.000 They just say, America was never great.

01:46:22.000 I hate it here. 1.00

01:46:24.000 I hate you. 1.00

01:46:25.000 They're bitches. 1.00

01:46:26.000 Bitchy little bitches. 1.00

01:46:28.000 All right, next. 1.00

01:46:29.000 We've got to wrap this up.

01:46:30.000 This show is like nine hours long.

01:46:32.000 Yes, it is.

01:46:34.000 Let's take one more call.

01:46:34.000 Okay.

01:46:36.000 All right.

01:46:38.000 Mike from Utah calling about Ryan's, Gavin's, Clement Sandals, and Michael Savage.

01:46:43.000 So this is a it detects like the speech, so then it just like does a text-to-speech.

01:46:50.000 Hey, Mike, you're on the air.

01:46:53.000 What's up, Ryan?

01:46:54.000 I love saying that.

01:46:55.000 Hey, what's up?

01:46:56.000 I wanted to preface with a couple of your last callers. 0.99

01:47:00.000 I'm from California for 25 years, and I don't sound like a fucking fag. 0.99

01:47:07.000 That took you a minute, G-Dog. 1.00

01:47:08.000 It took you a minute.

01:47:09.000 All right.

01:47:10.000 No, you're hearing a delay.

01:47:13.000 There's three people you should never take music advice from. 0.99

01:47:16.000 Number three is gays. 0.99

01:47:18.000 Number two is deaf people. 0.99

01:47:20.000 And number one is Ryan.

01:47:24.000 Yeah, and I think as a paying subscriber to your website, which I'm a happy paying subscriber, I got two tech issues with Ryan.

01:47:32.000 I'm putting him on Ryan, not on the G-Dog. 0.98

01:47:34.000 Number one, can you send me a fucking email before you guys go live? 0.99

01:47:38.000 Yeah, that's possible. 0.99

01:47:39.000 Just talking about that, but go ahead.

01:47:42.000 Yes, you're on it, so that's good.

01:47:43.000 Well, for us, Ryan, your camera.

01:47:46.000 We're going to have to live faces the side of your face.

01:47:48.000 Let me interrupt you.

01:47:50.000 We're going to be live every Thursday at 2 p.m.

01:47:55.000 Thank you, G-Dog, for the correction there.

01:47:57.000 I appreciate it.

01:47:58.000 Ryan's camera, the one from the side of his face.

01:48:01.000 Can we get one like a fisheye straight on so we can hear real reactions and see the G-Dog in the background? 0.88

01:48:08.000 Lastly, I will say bring Michael Fucking Savage on the show. 0.93

01:48:12.000 He's the original pariah of conservative media. 0.86

01:48:15.000 And I do have a question for Gavin.

01:48:17.000 Okay, I'm ready.

01:48:20.000 So, Gavin, your sandal theory, 100% agree with you, right? 1.00

01:48:24.000 You got to fight someone in a bar and you got fucking sandals on or someone's got to smell your toes. 1.00

01:48:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:29.000 Now, you also say you sleep naked, okay? 1.00

01:48:33.000 So what if someone comes to your house, you got to whoop their fucking ass in front of it? 1.00

01:48:37.000 What if you have a home invader and you're naked? 1.00

01:48:39.000 And now you got to risk getting a naked charge in public so you can beat some dumbass's ass. 1.00

01:48:45.000 And now you can hang up on me. 1.00

01:48:46.000 Okay.

01:48:47.000 My dad hospitalized a teenager while completely nude.

01:48:52.000 They were running through our backyard, jumping through our pool.

01:48:56.000 Oh, pool.

01:48:56.000 They're pool hopping, I think is the sport.

01:48:58.000 And two of them made it over the fence as my dad ran out of the house nude.

01:49:02.000 And one of them didn't. 1.00

01:49:03.000 He beat the shit of them. 0.99

01:49:05.000 My dad ended up getting charged because Ottawa, Canada is not Texas. 1.00

01:49:09.000 I will happily fight someone bare naked in exchange for having 49 years of eight hours of ball breathing, butt crack breathing.

01:49:20.000 I can't sleep in clothes.

01:49:21.000 It's just not my culture.

01:49:23.000 It's not my parents' culture.

01:49:24.000 Scottish people sleep in the nude.

01:49:26.000 And we're happy to fight in the nude.

01:49:28.000 I shouldn't say we're happy to, but we're willing to fight in the nude.

01:49:33.000 It's a trade-off.

01:49:34.000 There's not a lot of nighttime fights at your house. 1.00

01:49:39.000 Plus, if someone's coming to my house to fuck with me, I'm going to blow their fucking heads off. 1.00

01:49:45.000 And for that, you can be wearing anything. 1.00

01:49:47.000 All guns feel the same.

01:49:50.000 All right, we got to go.

01:49:52.000 You don't want to take Australia?

01:49:53.000 Australia?

01:49:54.000 Okay, let's take an Australia.

01:49:55.000 All right, they're talking about the tour.

01:49:56.000 And a lot of people, I saw a lot of people asking about this.

01:49:58.000 Okay.

01:50:00.000 Hi.

01:50:01.000 Oh, no.

01:50:02.000 This is Colin about firearms. 1.00

01:50:02.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:50:03.000 Hey, Colin. 1.00

01:50:06.000 Hey, what's going on? 0.95

01:50:07.000 I wanted to take this call from Australia, but I fucked up and pressed the wrong button.

01:50:07.000 Can you make it super quick?

01:50:12.000 Yeah, no problem.

01:50:13.000 Thanks.

01:50:13.000 Gavin, future reference.

01:50:15.000 When you're talking about the shooter, that Antifa douchebag that ended up getting shot trying to blow up that ICE facility, you got to call them magazines.

01:50:29.000 Can't call them clips anymore.

01:50:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:50:31.000 Oh, I saw that message.

01:50:32.000 Somebody that's into somebody that's into firearms and somebody that knows about firearms, they get kind of grimace when they hear you say that.

01:50:40.000 So, just future reference.

01:50:42.000 Okay, so but he did have six magazines, right?

01:50:46.000 Yes, he had six magazines.

01:50:48.000 How much closer what like closer to what like the M1 Grand used to use?

01:50:53.000 That ping sound when you shoot the last round.

01:50:55.000 That's a clip.

01:50:56.000 That's a clip, yeah.

01:50:56.000 Okay, and how many bullets are in a magazine?

01:51:02.000 All right, thanks, guys.

01:51:03.000 See ya.

01:51:04.000 Hey! 0.99

01:51:05.000 Is he gone?

01:51:06.000 No?

01:51:06.000 What?

01:51:07.000 What?

01:51:07.000 How many bullets can one fit in a magazine?

01:51:12.000 Wait, what was that?

01:51:12.000 What?

01:51:14.000 I can't hear you.

01:51:15.000 You ask.

01:51:16.000 How many bullets can fit in one magazine?

01:51:20.000 It depends on the size of the magazine.

01:51:22.000 A standard capacity magazine is 30 rounds.

01:51:26.000 Ah, okay.

01:51:26.000 CNN and all the liberals like to say that those are extended magazines, but that's a standard issue magazine, a 30-round magazine.

01:51:34.000 So he had 180 bullets ready to go. 0.94

01:51:38.000 Yeah, he would have killed a lot of people.

01:51:40.000 Meanwhile, Antifa keeps talking about how he's a wonderful person and he was only there to hurt a car, the car they used to transport illegals.

01:51:48.000 But you don't need 180 bullets to hurt a car.

01:51:54.000 Wow. 0.98

01:51:56.000 No, he was out to kill as many people as possible.

01:52:00.000 Thanks for the call.

01:52:01.000 Rest in power.

01:52:02.000 Thank you.

01:52:02.000 Bye, guys.

01:52:03.000 See ya.

01:52:04.000 Australia.

01:52:04.000 All right.

01:52:06.000 I want to hear some Australian people.

01:52:08.000 I love Australia.

01:52:09.000 G'day, guys.

01:52:10.000 G'day. 0.97

01:52:10.000 G'day, good day. 0.97

01:52:11.000 Dusty Bogan.

01:52:12.000 G'day, mate.

01:52:13.000 G'day, Kantz. 0.78

01:52:14.000 How you going?

01:52:15.000 How are you going? 0.96

01:52:16.000 My question is, I fucking love the show, man. 0.96

01:52:18.000 Best show ever. 0.81

01:52:19.000 So thanks, guys.

01:52:20.000 Keep up the good work.

01:52:21.000 But my question is in regards to the tour.

01:52:25.000 Haven't heard anything from the promoters, and it's just still mad.

01:52:27.000 And we're KMC down here.

01:52:31.000 I talk to the promoter about once a week.

01:52:33.000 We have not given up on that.

01:52:36.000 We appealed the paperwork, and we waited for the election to go first before we read the appeal, because apparently liberal means conservative down there, conservative means liberal.

01:52:46.000 And you have a liberal guy now, which means a conservative, which means paperwork's more likely to go through.

01:52:53.000 But everything is moving forward.

01:52:55.000 I think we're also trying to find someone to go with.

01:52:58.000 I planned to go with Tommy.

01:52:59.000 That was the thing we were working on.

01:53:02.000 But the local prison system just got a free Tommy Robinson.

01:53:06.000 And now I'm thinking, I don't know, Alex Jones, Milo.

01:53:11.000 I don't know who would fill the seats.

01:53:12.000 I wouldn't let Alex Jones in.

01:53:14.000 And Milo's band, I think, anyway.

01:53:16.000 But we want to see you, Gov. And bring Ryan as well.

01:53:18.000 He's all right.

01:53:19.000 Hey, cool.

01:53:20.000 He'll come because I want to film it and make it into a special or something.

01:53:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:53:24.000 So, yeah, that's still on the cards.

01:53:26.000 All right.

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:27.000 Thanks for the update, man.

01:53:28.000 Thanks for the cool.

01:53:28.000 Just good to know.

01:53:30.000 Sid, Bogan.

01:53:31.000 Cheers.

01:53:32.000 Take you.

01:53:33.000 Street.

01:53:33.000 Right on.

01:53:34.000 Sound, sound.

01:53:34.000 Steve Bogan's.

01:53:36.000 I just do British slang after a while because I only know Bogan, really.

01:53:39.000 Steve Bogan.

01:53:40.000 All right.

01:53:41.000 Let's go.

01:53:42.000 Thank you for tuning in.

01:53:43.000 We'll see you.

01:53:44.000 So free speech, we have a new one now.

01:53:46.000 I think it's Ann Coulter and a surprise guest.

01:53:50.000 I'm not going to say the guest's name in case people bombard him or her and prevent them from coming on the show.

01:53:55.000 It's really nuts.

01:53:57.000 Trying to get a liberal and a conservative in a room.

01:54:00.000 And the conservative is always like, yeah, fine, I'll be there.

01:54:03.000 The liberal, Jesus, it's like getting a gun permit in Manhattan.

01:54:07.000 It really is a major challenge.

01:54:09.000 And I wouldn't be surprised if this just becomes impossible.

01:54:12.000 And we end up with still having debates, but it's right versus right.

01:54:16.000 Like, well, you know what I'd love to see?

01:54:18.000 Michelle Malkin talking about how the Central Park Five were innocent, arguing with Ann Coulter, who has determined that they're guilty.

01:54:25.000 Hell yeah.

01:54:26.000 Wouldn't that be just as interesting as a left and a righty?

01:54:29.000 Yeah.

01:54:30.000 We may end up doing that.

01:54:31.000 I like the idea of civilians, too, where just somebody prominent in like some community.

01:54:37.000 That's a different show.

01:54:37.000 That's After Hours.

01:54:38.000 Oh, okay, got it.

01:54:39.000 So I'm building a new set, a bar set, and I'm going to sit down with people in After Hours, and I'll talk to a boxer, a plumber, an ex-corrections officer, a retired cop, stuff like that.

01:54:52.000 I'm pumped for that.

01:54:53.000 Larry Barnes.

01:54:54.000 Oh.

01:54:55.000 The world champ.

01:54:56.000 That'd be great.

01:54:58.000 He always, every time I go to the gym, he's like, Gavin the Great.

01:55:02.000 38 fights, one KO.

01:55:05.000 No, no, no, one loss.

01:55:07.000 25K.

01:55:08.000 He's got my whole boxing record, which is really just like 50 spars, 50 losses, two minutes on the rope.

01:55:18.000 Oh, no, I did win one fight.

01:55:19.000 I beat up Copper Cap.

01:55:20.000 That's right.

01:55:23.000 Get fired.

01:55:25.000 Get in trouble.

01:55:26.000 Be brave.

01:55:27.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 25, 2019

GOML LIVE #5 | I MET A JUNKIE BARTENDER LAST NIGHT

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