Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #82 - INAUGURATED

00:01:15.000 So, the inauguration.

00:01:18.000 That's a big deal.

00:01:21.000 We had a 22-year-old black girl talking to us like she's Jesus Christ and a bunch of other platitudes from all sides.

00:01:30.000 I hate speeches.

00:01:32.000 People always go, did you hear the speech?

00:01:33.000 What's speech?

00:01:34.000 The speech?

00:01:36.000 The thing a guy wrote for someone on a teleprompter?

00:01:39.000 I don't care about speeches.

00:01:41.000 I like the debates.

00:01:42.000 I like interviews where they're off the cuff, but speeches are for creatures.

00:01:48.000 That's the kind of slang for creatures.

00:01:51.000 It's like Valley Girl talk, like, yo, or maybe like Bronx.

00:01:55.000 Like, yo, there's lots of creatures there.

00:01:58.000 Creeches.

00:01:59.000 Well, now it's just an accent.

00:02:01.000 That was the Viagra Boys from Stockholm. 0.86

00:02:04.000 Like, an awesome band.

00:02:05.000 Everyone's talking about booth.

00:02:10.000 I should probably have a tattoo on my forehead at this point.

00:02:14.000 Like, I'm that level of weird as far as the way I'm perceived.

00:02:22.000 Probably going to get a forehead tattoo soon.

00:02:25.000 What should it say?

00:02:28.000 Like, fucking boners or something cool.

00:02:31.000 Boners, yeah, that's my favorite thing.

00:02:33.000 Boners. 0.93

00:02:34.000 What does his say?

00:02:36.000 Let me just get his.

00:02:40.000 Gavin, maybe?

00:02:41.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:02:43.000 Made in England? 0.81

00:02:46.000 Yeah, Made in England seems like a good idea.

00:02:49.000 Or a symbol.

00:02:51.000 Cross.

00:02:54.000 Today's book, of course, is not exactly very creative.

00:02:57.000 I kind of forgot that we had to have a book, so I just grabbed this.

00:03:00.000 Confederacy of Dunces, the best-selling Pulitzer Prize winning classic by John Kennedy O'Toole, or John Kennedy Tool, sorry.

00:03:08.000 They've been talking about making a movie of this forever.

00:03:10.000 Jack Black was going to be the guy, but it never really got off the ground.

00:03:14.000 I don't know why.

00:03:16.000 Chillo, you've got a base.

00:03:18.000 Maybe it's cursed.

00:03:21.000 I was talking to my daughter today about laughing out loud in books, and I think I could name maybe three times.

00:03:29.000 In Confederacy of Dunces, he has a revolution.

00:03:34.000 The guy, Ignatius P. Riley is his name.

00:03:37.000 And he has, he works at some dumb factory, and then they start, they want to lower the salary or something.

00:03:45.000 He's only been there for a minute, but he has a strike.

00:03:47.000 And so he makes these big banners like, strike, we will not comply, resist, revolution.

00:03:54.000 But they're on his bed sheets.

00:03:55.000 And people who are holding them can recognize jizz stains on the sheets.

00:04:01.000 And I must have been like 15 years old on a bus in Canada, Ontario.

00:04:07.000 And I laughed out loud at that.

00:04:10.000 I also laughed out loud in Naked by David Sederis, where you're reading it.

00:04:17.000 You know he's incredibly gay.

00:04:19.000 But of course, that's not evident in a book as far as like the lisp and the accent goes, right?

00:04:25.000 You're reading letters.

00:04:27.000 But in the book, he's hitchhiking.

00:04:30.000 And he gets picked up by some fucking weirdo who tries to rape him, I believe, like puts his hand on his leg and tries to tongue him and stuff.

00:04:38.000 So he jumps out of a moving car and lands in a ditch.

00:04:40.000 And then he runs up to these frat boys and he's like, oh my God, you're not going to believe what just happened.

00:04:43.000 I was just in this car and this guy almost killed me.

00:04:46.000 And as he does his diatribe, they go, are you perchance a fag?

00:04:54.000 And then they all start laughing.

00:04:57.000 And you're reading it like this is the first time it's been conceded that David Sederis talks with a Lisp as the author.

00:05:06.000 And I fucking laughed my ass off.

00:05:11.000 That's the only two I can think of.

00:05:12.000 I know there's others, but it's very, very rare to laugh out loud at a book.

00:05:17.000 Oh, I remember now.

00:05:19.000 Gulliver's.

00:05:20.000 Gulliver's travels.

00:05:22.000 So he goes to Lilliput, everyone's tiny, right?

00:05:25.000 But then he goes to a place where he's tiny.

00:05:28.000 And they're all sexual, by the way, these things that made me laugh out loud.

00:05:31.000 And he goes, I must concede nothing disgusted me more than the size of her monstrous breast. 1.00

00:05:39.000 And the idea of like a one-inch tall man looking at a giant tit and being disgusted by it, it made me laugh my ass off.

00:05:49.000 So those are the only three times I can remember laughing out loud reading a book.

00:05:55.000 It's pretty rare.

00:05:56.000 Can you fix the fucking viewfinder here?

00:06:02.000 So that's the opening song.

00:06:04.000 That's the book.

00:06:06.000 Today was a big day, but before we get into any of that, we've got to hear a word from our sponsors, right?

00:06:14.000 Let's start with Good Ol' Faithful Bubba and Hanks. 0.99

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00:06:22.000 Thank you, Bubba and Hanks.

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00:06:27.000 The steaks, The burgers, what do they got?

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00:07:07.000 Say the website and promo code with, sorry, the website is bubbaandhanks.com.

00:07:11.000 The promo code is Gavin.

00:07:13.000 20% off all orders.

00:07:16.000 So put that in, you get 20% off.

00:07:17.000 This hat, by the way, is a Glaswegian Tam, big in Glasgow, not considered remotely eccentric in Glasgow or Canada.

00:07:26.000 Like if you wear this, you know, to a party or something, it's just like you wore a baseball hat.

00:07:32.000 It doesn't mean anything to anyone.

00:07:34.000 It's not weird.

00:07:35.000 In America, however, I've been getting some stares.

00:07:39.000 It's like Texas with the cowboy hats.

00:07:42.000 Like it seems ridiculous.

00:07:44.000 Like, have you seen the cowboy hat even in New York City?

00:07:47.000 They look stupid in New York City.

00:07:49.000 They do.

00:07:49.000 But down there, it's like...

00:07:51.000 They look cool here.

00:07:52.000 Okay, shall we go through the inauguration?

00:07:54.000 I was considering jumping on air at noon today and doing it live, but I watched a bit of it and I was like...

00:08:06.000 I mean, it's exactly what you'd expect, right?

00:08:09.000 I will say we've officially taken down Election Gate off the site.

00:08:13.000 Did we do that?

00:08:15.000 It's like...

00:08:16.000 I hope it's down.

00:08:18.000 Oh, there's some...

00:08:19.000 Show the site.

00:08:20.000 Interesting news.

00:08:21.000 It's still there.

00:08:22.000 It's still there.

00:08:23.000 It takes a little bit.

00:08:24.000 No, it doesn't take a little bit.

00:08:26.000 Get it down now, dude.

00:08:27.000 I hate this fucking shit.

00:08:33.000 This fucking shit.

00:08:38.000 Clobatar.

00:08:39.000 And every time I say something like this, the guy will go, oh yeah, I had to take care of this and take care of that.

00:08:44.000 And then he'll fix the problem in one millisecond.

00:08:48.000 So apparently it wasn't a matter of time.

00:08:52.000 I hate this fucking shit.

00:08:53.000 So yeah, the inauguration was what?

00:08:58.000 It was Trump did his farewell speech, which was benign and dull.

00:09:03.000 And then what, Amy Klobuchar came up? 0.92

00:09:06.000 She's an incompetent bureaucrat. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Why is she in our radar?

00:09:09.000 Lady Gagass sang a song.

00:09:12.000 Biden, I gotta say, man, Biden's confusing me.

00:09:16.000 Because his speech was obviously just reading from a teleprompter, but it was good in the sense that it was well delivered.

00:09:23.000 He didn't stutter on any letters.

00:09:26.000 The speechwriter wrote a good speech.

00:09:27.000 He said, let's try to focus on unity, not right versus left, not urban versus rural, blah, blah, blah, which you should say.

00:09:36.000 So, you know, all the boxes were checked off.

00:09:38.000 But I'm just amazed that he could read because Kamala Harris may be our first black Indian daughter of a single mom president, vice president, but this is our first president with dementia.

00:09:55.000 This is a triumph for the mentally ill. 1.00

00:09:58.000 Look at him.

00:09:59.000 If you've stuffed my ass with enough Adderall and I get to sleep for two days before and two days after, I can do a good speech.

00:10:09.000 I heard there was a baby crying at the very beginning.

00:10:12.000 I didn't see the very beginning.

00:10:17.000 Vice Principal of Under Brock Tobago.

00:10:30.000 As a Zoom from home. 0.51

00:10:34.000 Crucible.

00:10:35.000 For the ages, America has been tested a new crucible.

00:10:38.000 That's a big word.

00:10:39.000 And America has risen to the challenge.

00:10:41.000 What is a crucible?

00:10:42.000 Stop, Ryan.

00:10:43.000 On our new investigation on whether you and I are stupid, and I'm twice as smart as you.

00:10:49.000 So if I'm stupid, you're fucked.

00:10:52.000 If I'm stupid, you're a worm.

00:10:54.000 What's a crucible?

00:10:55.000 I think it is a series of challenges and obstacles to overcome.

00:11:01.000 Okay, that's retarded. 0.99

00:11:03.000 I am dumb, and I think it's a glass sphere.

00:11:07.000 I think it was popularized by a play, The Crucible.

00:11:12.000 But I guess it means like a new beginning, according to him.

00:11:17.000 Oh, I'm thinking of in the Marines, the crucible is something that it's what I said.

00:11:22.000 It's like optical cores.

00:11:23.000 What's a crucible?

00:11:24.000 Hey, computer, what's a crucible?

00:11:29.000 The noun, crucible, can have a few meanings.

00:11:32.000 One, a container of metal or refractory material employed for heating substances to high temperatures.

00:11:39.000 Two, a hollow area at the bottom of a furnace in which the metal collects.

00:11:44.000 Three, a severe, searching test or trial.

00:11:50.000 Sounds like stupid idiot moron pants, Ryan, beat me.

00:11:59.000 I think you won that one.

00:12:01.000 Maybe because the picture on the cover of the play is like a spherical thing, but it's not when you Google image it, it's like a cup.

00:12:11.000 Was the crucible...

00:12:12.000 What was that to be on me?

00:12:13.000 Was that about witches?

00:12:14.000 Dude, I'm getting really paranoid that I'm retarded.

00:12:18.000 It's like finding out you're gay. 0.52

00:12:20.000 Like, I feel like someone who's around 11 and is all my friends are like, check out these tits. 1.00

00:12:26.000 And I go, they're no dicks.

00:12:30.000 I mean, similarly.

00:12:32.000 They're kind of like ugly dicks, but there's two of them on a broad. 0.59

00:12:35.000 Why does her mids, her pelvis area have nothing dangling? 1.00

00:12:40.000 That's gross.

00:12:41.000 It's missing something.

00:12:42.000 I just enjoyed a show tune.

00:12:44.000 I feel that same way, but stupidity.

00:12:47.000 Yeah, the crucible, you're showing the cover of the book there.

00:12:49.000 It doesn't have a sphere.

00:12:52.000 No, but they have different book covers for everything.

00:12:54.000 Like, I can't find the 1984.

00:12:55.000 I'm seeing a lot of spheres.

00:12:57.000 I don't see spheres.

00:12:59.000 I see a lot of nooses.

00:13:01.000 It was about witches, right?

00:13:02.000 No.

00:13:03.000 It was the witch book?

00:13:06.000 All right, so let's go back to his speech.

00:13:08.000 Not that we're going to glean anything from these platitudes.

00:13:10.000 We need to come together.

00:13:12.000 Yeah, I know, dude.

00:13:13.000 Right now, over me.

00:13:15.000 The cause of democracy, the people, the will of the people, has been heard.

00:13:23.000 And the will of the people has been heeded.

00:13:26.000 We're not sure.

00:13:26.000 We've learned again that democracy is precious.

00:13:30.000 Democracy is fragile.

00:13:33.000 And at this hour, my friends, democracy has prevailed.

00:13:38.000 I mean, that's good.

00:13:40.000 You got to admit, like, that's well delivered.

00:13:43.000 This is not vice principal under Barack Tobagan.

00:13:47.000 So what is it?

00:13:48.000 It's got to be Adderall, right?

00:13:50.000 On this hallowed ground, President Pfizer.

00:13:53.000 Violence sought to shake the Capitol's very foundations.

00:13:57.000 We come together as one nation, under God, indivisible.

00:14:03.000 So we were talking about the Trump's new army video where they talk about how horrible the Capitol invasion was.

00:14:11.000 And again, we didn't advocate it.

00:14:14.000 We said, don't do it.

00:14:15.000 In fact, our boy Joe Biggs, contributor at Censored.tv, has been arrested by the FBI.

00:14:22.000 Probably should have started with that.

00:14:25.000 But he called me last night and he's like, can you loan me some money for a lawyer?

00:14:30.000 I can get a great guy.

00:14:31.000 And I said, no.

00:14:36.000 To be clear, because this is a weird subject, I consider myself below Joe Biggs when it comes to being a man.

00:14:48.000 Joe Biggs has, I believe, two purple hearts.

00:14:52.000 He has put his life on the line to die for our country because he saw what happened with 9-11.

00:14:59.000 As far as I'm concerned, that puts a man on a different plane.

00:15:03.000 He's better than us.

00:15:07.000 Just like the parents of Marines who die.

00:15:08.000 What do you call them?

00:15:09.000 Silver parents or something? 0.92

00:15:12.000 They're different than my parents.

00:15:14.000 They're better parents.

00:15:15.000 They're better people.

00:15:16.000 They should have different rules going forward.

00:15:20.000 If you put your life on the line for your country, you're not the same as us.

00:15:23.000 You should get different treatment in the judicial system and everything.

00:15:28.000 But I said don't go there.

00:15:32.000 I mean, it puts our site in jeopardy going there.

00:15:37.000 What if the DA tries to frame censor.tv as some sort of hub where terrorists, oh, gold star families, that's it.

00:15:44.000 Some sort of hub where terrorist activities are planned.

00:15:47.000 Now, of course, if you're tuning into my show, you'll see me saying don't go to that rally.

00:15:51.000 I don't know.

00:15:52.000 Don't go to any fucking rallies.

00:15:54.000 Why did rallies become a thing with Proud Boys?

00:15:57.000 I understood the, you know, bodyguarding because conservatives were getting attacked.

00:16:04.000 That made sense.

00:16:06.000 But like, especially after the Million Mega March where the point was made, Antifa are scum and a lot of people support Trump.

00:16:13.000 Good.

00:16:14.000 We're done.

00:16:15.000 Why keep going back and getting stabbed again and again and again?

00:16:18.000 Like, what's the point of going to Harry's on a monthly basis to deal with people with knives?

00:16:24.000 Are you cleaning up the streets of DC?

00:16:27.000 Why?

00:16:28.000 Anyway.

00:16:31.000 I love Joe Biggs, but this is not my fight.

00:16:33.000 I didn't want anyone to go there.

00:16:35.000 And I cannot get involved.

00:16:40.000 I'll fucking die on the cross for James and Max, for John and Max.

00:16:45.000 And I talk to their lawyers on a regular basis and Zenoa and Max himself.

00:16:52.000 And I pay attention to their books and I send them stuff and I'm raising money for them.

00:16:55.000 That's different.

00:16:58.000 But anyway, so remember there was that video about the Capitol, Trump's army, and how we're all going to die?

00:17:07.000 And I said, this should be re-edited with better footage.

00:17:10.000 And several people did it.

00:17:12.000 I got to say one thing about our viewers.

00:17:14.000 And I hate the word fans.

00:17:15.000 They're not fans.

00:17:16.000 Fans imply someone's below you.

00:17:18.000 We're together on this.

00:17:20.000 So our subscribers, our viewers, one great thing about them is that they fucking deliver.

00:17:26.000 They made all our whatchamacallits, our interstitials, our little intro cards.

00:17:31.000 And every time we talk about a video, they make a great one.

00:17:34.000 And it's not half-assed.

00:17:36.000 So the first one is the worst one, and it's really good.

00:17:39.000 And then I'll show you a better one.

00:17:41.000 So this is 2-0.

00:17:43.000 Let me make sure there's the right one here.

00:17:46.000 I love this hat.

00:17:48.000 I'm going to start wearing this hat more.

00:17:50.000 This is my new look.

00:17:51.000 Yep.

00:17:55.000 The greatest threat facing America today comes from within.

00:17:58.000 Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.

00:18:01.000 Is that Facebook a little gay to you?

00:18:03.000 I mean, it's the lips.

00:18:04.000 They are hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.

00:18:07.000 For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.

00:18:12.000 Racism is evil.

00:18:14.000 And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs.

00:18:18.000 I'm going to go to the next one.

00:18:29.000 I'm going to make a shirt disrespect in the fight.

00:18:32.000 Proposing reformists in Army.

00:18:33.000 Our weapons will be computers and cell phones.

00:18:36.000 We, who are monitoring extremists on the internet and reporting their findings to authorities.

00:18:40.000 Remember, before the Navy SEALs killed Osama bin Laden, he had to be found.

00:18:44.000 He was found by a CIA analyst working on a computer thousands of miles away.

00:18:49.000 It's up to you.

00:18:51.000 I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds fucking retarded. 1.00

00:18:59.000 Video Podcast Network was Windy City Heat.

00:19:03.000 That was what the big three were on.

00:19:07.000 And by the way, my hat yesterday that had the address was a Windy City Heat reference.

00:19:12.000 But this is an even better one, 2-1.

00:19:18.000 On or before January 20th, Donald Trump will no longer be the Commander-in-Chief.

00:19:22.000 He will lose control of the army.

00:19:27.000 He will lose his nuclear arsenal.

00:19:29.000 On January 20th, Donald Trump will become the commander-in-chief of a different army.

00:19:33.000 Hold on a second.

00:19:34.000 If this guy is so horrible, why didn't he do anything with his nuclear arsenal?

00:19:38.000 Why was there unprecedented peace in his time?

00:19:42.000 Where were there so few wars?

00:19:44.000 Why was there so little conflict?

00:19:46.000 If this guy is such a fucking threat, we just had him for four years.

00:19:50.000 You just showed me all the access to weaponry he had.

00:19:56.000 Nothing went down.

00:19:58.000 We blew up like an airbase in Syria, I think, one afternoon.

00:20:02.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.000 But now we have to be scared of housewives. 1.00

00:20:05.000 He should have been just like arresting gays and building the wall with like Mexican bones. 1.00

00:20:10.000 Yeah, we're actually disappointed in this lack of fascism.

00:20:13.000 Pardoning cool people instead of rappers.

00:20:21.000 The greatest threat facing America today comes from within.

00:20:24.000 Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.

00:20:31.000 Fucking hey, man.

00:20:32.000 Glad to see you guys.

00:20:37.000 I got shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet.

00:20:39.000 Shot in the face.

00:20:40.000 Some kind of plastic bullet.

00:20:43.000 I've been making sure they ain't disrespecting the place.

00:20:46.000 Okay.

00:20:46.000 They're hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.

00:20:50.000 They are your children's teachers.

00:20:51.000 They work at supermarkets, malls, doctors' offices, and many are police officers and soldiers.

00:20:56.000 For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.

00:21:02.000 Build that wall.

00:21:04.000 He goes out.

00:21:06.000 Pocahontas, is it offensive?

00:21:08.000 Oh.

00:21:08.000 Oh, really?

00:21:09.000 Oh, I'm sorry about that.

00:21:10.000 Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States.

00:21:17.000 In the middle of a presidential debate, Donald Trump was asked to disavow white supremacy.

00:21:21.000 I denounce white supremacy.

00:21:23.000 Okay.

00:21:23.000 Wait, are you listening?

00:21:24.000 I denounce white supremacy.

00:21:26.000 What's your next question?

00:21:28.000 Are you willing tonight to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and to say that they need to stand down and not add to the violence in a number of these cities as we saw in Kenosha and as we've seen in Portland?

00:21:42.000 Are you prepared to do this?

00:21:44.000 He refused.

00:21:44.000 Instead, we did it seven times.

00:21:49.000 Stand back and stand by.

00:21:51.000 Stand back and stand by.

00:21:55.000 Stand back and stand by.

00:21:59.000 Pretty good quality, huh?

00:22:02.000 Oh, cool.

00:22:02.000 That was a nice touch.

00:22:06.000 Um, Canal Plus came by, and uh, that's two three that they wanted to talk to me about these fops.

00:22:37.000 Donald Trump, and proud boys, in the leader, created another one.

00:22:46.000 He has the liberty of expression, in its country, surplus of Margot Belcholi, with Julie Patin.

00:22:58.000 So, I think what the other guy was just saying before there is that I said that Biden taking over for the next at least four years is going to be a huge regress to socialism.

00:23:10.000 And there's a myth when we say make America great again that we want to go back to Jim Crow. 0.53

00:23:14.000 We actually want to go back to 1985.

00:23:16.000 Unfortunately, the left wants us back in 1984.

00:23:20.000 I've been using that line quite a bit.

00:23:21.000 I'm pretty happy with it.

00:23:49.000 The Proud Boys make the white supremacist symbol.

00:23:59.000 In mouse Qatar, by Guy Vin McInes, in figure of magines, the family today is controversial on the internet.

00:24:13.000 So, what do they say?

00:24:24.000 Or what are you saying, I guess?

00:24:35.000 America is founded on Christianity and free speech.

00:24:40.000 And when we take that away, we have no America left.

00:24:49.000 I'm talking about the dangers of socialism to French people, which is like that's like telling them the dangers of baguette and crème voulé.

00:25:04.000 Impeachment is fake, he hasn't done anything wrong.

00:25:12.000 And I'm saying, I'm explaining that on January 6th, it wasn't the beginning of an imminent boogaloo race war, whatever.

00:25:19.000 It was just a fucking take this job and shove it, and angry employees who had been fucked over flipping their desks. 0.91

00:25:26.000 I don't advocate flipping your desk, but I understand why you left in a rage from your job.

00:25:38.000 Here's our new studio, kiddies, and the Bougie Damn Bronx. 0.79

00:25:43.000 So, that's one show.

00:25:44.000 That's my daily show.

00:25:48.000 I'm explaining that we'll have the sort of InfoWars type set, a sort of Dave Rubens sit-down set, a bar for free speech.

00:25:57.000 I want to have two different things.

00:25:59.000 I'm going to have Interviews with celebrities like Ann Coulter and stuff, where we sit down, or Ron Coleman, get into Judaism.

00:26:06.000 But then I also want to, at the bar, I want to have interviews with like a plumber and really get into it.

00:26:14.000 Like, tell you how to be a plumber or a cop, but someone in sanitation.

00:26:20.000 And I won't call them their name.

00:26:21.000 I'll say like interview with a plumber.

00:26:24.000 I'm really looking forward to that.

00:26:29.000 Anyway, you get the idea.

00:26:30.000 Bunch of fucking frogs.

00:26:33.000 You know what's funny about the Joe Biggs thing is it was on Huffington Post, it was on NBC, and they were relatively fair.

00:26:41.000 The worst one I saw was this one, 2-4, on the Hill.

00:26:46.000 And it was like, crowd boys smashed the windows with a police shield, which is just a lie.

00:26:52.000 But isn't the hill...

00:26:54.000 I thought it was relatively right wing.

00:26:57.000 Arrested Joe Biggs, HuffPoe reports, CFBI officials, arrested, blah, blah, blah.

00:27:02.000 In the video, Voice of the Camera says, hey, Biggs, what do you got to say?

00:27:04.000 And he goes, this is awesome.

00:27:05.000 Apparently, everything was broken in, like broken open when he got there.

00:27:09.000 And he walked in and went piss and left.

00:27:14.000 Not the end of the world, but not something that I think is very good for anyone.

00:27:19.000 I saw there's kind of a weird civil war going on in the Proud Boys right now.

00:27:23.000 Do you know about this?

00:27:25.000 Yeah.

00:27:26.000 What do you know?

00:27:27.000 That it's like an anti-rally thing.

00:27:30.000 We're like, stop going to rallies and being retards and rebrand the aesthetic of it. 1.00

00:27:38.000 Don't associate with the people that go out and get it.

00:27:41.000 Well, it was a secret club before.

00:27:44.000 Before we got into security, before they got into security, it was just a secret club.

00:27:50.000 Like Barney Rubble's wife, Betty, I believe, she didn't really know about the water buffaloes.

00:27:57.000 You know, she didn't read about the water buffaloes.

00:28:01.000 Your wife doesn't know about the Knights of Columbus.

00:28:03.000 My wife has no idea what I do at Knights of Columbus meetings.

00:28:05.000 That was the business plan.

00:28:07.000 Then it just became Rally Central.

00:28:09.000 The loudest wheels get the grease is basically what happens.

00:28:13.000 What are rallies?

00:28:14.000 Like, what are we hippies protesting the Vietnam War?

00:28:17.000 I don't get it.

00:28:19.000 I get that once you want to say, hey, Trump isn't being respected.

00:28:24.000 He got a lot more votes than that.

00:28:26.000 Watch this.

00:28:26.000 We're going to go to DC.

00:28:28.000 And then there's like a million people in D.C. Gotcha.

00:28:32.000 I get that.

00:28:33.000 Once.

00:28:36.000 The rest?

00:28:37.000 Anyway, we should get back to the inauguration.

00:28:39.000 But before we do, we're running out of time here.

00:28:42.000 And the first order I'm going to be signing.

00:28:44.000 Johnny Apple CBD proud sponsor.

00:28:47.000 They've been with us since the beginning.

00:28:49.000 Go to jacbd.com.

00:28:52.000 Enter promo code GAVIN.

00:28:53.000 You get 20% off all orders.

00:28:56.000 That is jacbd.com or johnnyapple.com.

00:29:00.000 They own both URLs.

00:29:01.000 And what do you get?

00:29:02.000 You get the gummies.

00:29:04.000 You get the tinctures taking the edge off your coffee.

00:29:06.000 You get the CBD for your sore muscles.

00:29:09.000 I'm fucking dreading tomorrow.

00:29:10.000 I got a spar.

00:29:11.000 The only thing worse than sparring is refusing to spar.

00:29:16.000 But I have a new rule with sparring.

00:29:17.000 If you hit me in the head three times very hard, I'm stopping.

00:29:22.000 I won't stop mid-round, but I'm not, I don't want to do this anymore.

00:29:24.000 I have three blows to the head in me.

00:29:27.000 And then I'm out.

00:29:29.000 But yeah, jacbd.com, enter promo code Gavin.

00:29:34.000 Let's get down to the inauguration.

00:29:37.000 But as far as this podcast goes, we're going to sign off on the freebies.

00:29:44.000 Do we still put this thing on the free podcast?

00:29:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:49.000 You look like you forgot and you missed like four months.

00:29:52.000 Who me?

00:29:53.000 No.

00:29:54.000 So last week's is on podcast land.

00:29:58.000 Yes.

00:29:58.000 Promise?

00:29:59.000 Yep.

00:30:00.000 Let me see.

00:30:01.000 I'll kill your entire family in front of you if you haven't done that.

00:30:05.000 I'll help you.

00:30:06.000 I'll help you.

00:30:07.000 I'll help you.

00:30:08.000 I'll help you, you bum.

00:30:09.000 Oh, Lord.

00:30:13.000 So to the people doing the freebies, I'm going to say goodbye.

00:30:18.000 And to the rest of us paying for this show, we're going to keep going with the inauguration and enjoying ourselves.

00:30:23.000 And then we're going to take calls and do some sketches.

00:30:26.000 So what are you showing, Ryan?

00:30:29.000 You're showing all your shit, you dumbasshole.

00:30:31.000 It's up there.

00:30:32.000 Okay.

00:30:33.000 Get fired.

00:30:35.000 Get in trouble.

00:30:36.000 Be brave.

00:30:38.000 And never stop fighting.

00:31:10.000 I think my favorite part of the inauguration, although Obama singing Amazing Grace was probably number two, but there was this weird black girl who's 22 years old and she's a poet laureate, which obviously means nothing. 0.73

00:31:28.000 And you know that if you're involved in poetry and you're a young black female, you're probably getting bumped up ahead of like a million white poets.

00:31:40.000 Poetry is gay, by the way. 0.51

00:31:41.000 I hate it.

00:31:42.000 I don't get, as my dad pointed out, I don't get how you would go, instead of saying that is a thing, this is a pen, you would do a big maze first and then get to that as a pen.

00:31:55.000 But so she's clearly an affirmative action hire, and she does this speech that goes on for about 37 hours. 0.88

00:32:05.000 I believe it's still going on now.

00:32:08.000 It's a filibuster.

00:32:09.000 I think it was longer than Biden's.

00:32:12.000 It sure felt like it.

00:32:14.000 And she has this tone.

00:32:15.000 She's dressed like the ambassador to the country of McDonald's.

00:32:19.000 And she has this tone where she's Jesus Christ.

00:32:23.000 And she's telling, like, you're talking to the new president.

00:32:27.000 You're talking to the old vice president.

00:32:29.000 You're talking To the entire country, and you have this tone where it's like, Don't cry for me, Argentina.

00:32:35.000 I'm a dictator speaking to my disciples.

00:32:39.000 And the arrogance is just ridiculous.

00:32:41.000 Like, if a girl ever spoke like this to me in real life, I'd go, Get the fuck out of here. 0.94

00:32:46.000 What are you get away from me?

00:32:48.000 What are you talking about?

00:32:52.000 She talks like Spartacus after a massive victory, which I guess is what the left sees this thing.

00:32:59.000 Mr. President, Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Mhoff, Americans and the world.

00:33:11.000 When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

00:33:19.000 The loss we carry, a sea we must wade.

00:33:22.000 We've braved the belly of the beast.

00:33:25.000 We've learned that quiet isn't always peace.

00:33:29.000 In the norms and notions of what...

00:33:32.000 So quiet isn't always peace.

00:33:34.000 So I guess what she's saying is pre-riot, we were quiet, but we were racist.

00:33:39.000 And it had come from never-ending shades.

00:33:41.000 So we've been racist from slavery till now.

00:33:44.000 It's been never-ending.

00:33:45.000 And eventually the rioters had to rise up.

00:33:48.000 I bet she wrote this before the Capitol thing.

00:33:51.000 So she thought it was safe to glorify rioting.

00:33:55.000 Just is, isn't always just is.

00:34:01.000 And the library is where they keep the lies.

00:34:08.000 His story, his realized story.

00:34:12.000 We have to recognize.

00:34:14.000 Cello.

00:34:16.000 What was that other black dude who did that thing where he paused in a word that had absolutely no meaning? 0.77

00:34:21.000 The guy with the white hair?

00:34:23.000 Where he was like, we have to talk about the what?

00:34:28.000 It was like a Matthew McConaughey moment.

00:34:30.000 But it wasn't...

00:34:31.000 But there was no meaning to that word.

00:34:34.000 It was the guy who was on that show that we used to watch it all the time.

00:34:37.000 Remember, it's like one of our favorite clips.

00:34:40.000 And he's like, people have gotten to the point where they have to stop.

00:34:48.000 It was exactly like Matthew McConaughey and his why of the.

00:34:51.000 You know the guy.

00:34:52.000 Shit.

00:34:53.000 He's got whitish hair, and he was on that MSNBC show where they're all going, uh-huh, uh-huh, please don't hit me.

00:34:58.000 Oh, yeah, black guy dude. 0.99

00:35:00.000 Yeah, black guy.

00:35:00.000 Professor.

00:35:02.000 Yeah.

00:35:02.000 Professor.

00:35:03.000 You can find that later.

00:35:03.000 Professor Dramatic Pants.

00:35:06.000 Yet the dawn is ours before.

00:35:09.000 We knew it.

00:35:10.000 Somehow we do it.

00:35:11.000 Somehow we've weathered and witnessed a nation's parody isn't broken, but simply unfinished.

00:35:20.000 We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny black girl, descended from slaves and raised by a single mother, didn't dream of becoming president only to find herself reciting for one. 0.91

00:35:38.000 And yes, we are far from the city.

00:35:40.000 I'm the only one craving a Big Mac right now.

00:35:57.000 I don't know about you, but I'm bad, ba-ba-ba-loving it.

00:36:00.000 This doesn't mean anything.

00:36:02.000 It's just a fucking pile of rhetoric.

00:36:06.000 We are striving to build a republic that's not perfect.

00:36:09.000 Thanks.

00:36:10.000 Anyway, what's the capital gains tax?

00:36:14.000 Should there be a minimum wage?

00:36:15.000 How much should it be?

00:36:16.000 Won't that lead to more automation?

00:36:19.000 Cultures, colors, characters, and conditions of man.

00:36:24.000 And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.

00:36:31.000 We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.

00:36:38.000 We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another.

00:36:43.000 We seek harm to none and harmony for all.

00:36:46.000 Let the globe.

00:36:47.000 I feel like Dr. Joe Biden right there was sort of just putting on her gloves going, what fucking horseshit is this?

00:36:52.000 Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing.

00:36:54.000 Don't you think?

00:36:55.000 Probably.

00:36:56.000 I mean, I'd understand if it was like Nina Simone or someone who had cut her chops. 0.84

00:37:03.000 And after all of this work and all of these accomplishments, she was laying it out for us.

00:37:07.000 And I'd be like, there's a beautiful, strong black woman explaining what we all have to go through because she's been through so much.

00:37:15.000 Even fucking Tina Turner, I'll take. 1.00

00:37:18.000 She got beat by Ike Turner.

00:37:19.000 She survived that.

00:37:21.000 You talked about it.

00:37:21.000 Tina Turnaround.

00:37:22.000 This is a fucking child.

00:37:25.000 The pomposity.

00:37:26.000 She's talking about the pomposity.

00:37:28.000 She's talking to the entire world like she just walked around it.

00:37:36.000 Yeah, let me tell you about this world here.

00:37:40.000 The worst part for me is when she starts, like she says the first word of the next sentence.

00:37:45.000 She says the first word of the next sentence and you know what I mean?

00:37:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:50.000 That's a thing.

00:37:50.000 That's the worst thing.

00:37:53.000 But I just, and I also hate the just is justice.

00:37:57.000 That stupid fucking wordplay shit.

00:38:01.000 It's like street preacher crap you hear in Harlem when they're selling DVDs about how the Jews are controlling the fucking gold industry. 0.98

00:38:09.000 Objectively, mathematically, this is just as good as that fat woman thing where I am not beautiful because of my fat.

00:38:17.000 Exactly.

00:38:17.000 That woman who is like, fat girl goes to the doctor and asks, why am I in pain?

00:38:23.000 Doctor asks, why are you fat?

00:38:26.000 Fat girl goes to the doctor. 0.75

00:38:28.000 It's that same level, right?

00:38:30.000 And I don't mind that that exists.

00:38:32.000 There should be amateur people in every field.

00:38:35.000 There's amateur plumbers.

00:38:36.000 But why is this woman, this level of expertise, talking to the entire world before or right after the president?

00:38:46.000 She's also a very aesthetically, very McDonald's-friendly.

00:38:59.000 Dear Cosmo, fuck you.

00:39:05.000 I will not take your sex tips on how to please a man that you do not think my body will ever be worthy of.

00:39:13.000 Six.

00:39:14.000 He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

00:39:17.000 Seven.

00:39:18.000 Oh, she thinks she's a six?

00:39:21.000 I don't know.

00:39:22.000 Maybe that was a different context, but I want you to know, ma'am, you seem Italian.

00:39:28.000 It seems like there's potential there if you were to slim down like 200%.

00:39:33.000 But you're a three.

00:39:36.000 And that's just an objective fact.

00:39:39.000 I know aesthetically to look at this 50-year-old face, I'm a six.

00:39:44.000 I'm fine with that.

00:39:45.000 What is she here?

00:39:47.000 To begin with.

00:39:48.000 Fat girl walks into the doctor's to ask about antidepressants and gets prescribed exercise instead because obviously her depression is because of her fat. 1.00

00:39:59.000 And obviously fat bodies never exercise and stay fat. 1.00

00:40:04.000 Fat girl walks into the doctor's office to ask. 0.99

00:40:06.000 Okay, anyway, so that's what we're watching on a national stage.

00:40:10.000 It's just not meritocracy is my beef.

00:40:14.000 Like I could, I don't give a fuck that she's young and black, but this is clearly just because she's young and black. 1.00

00:40:22.000 Say this is true.

00:40:25.000 That even as we grieved, we grew.

00:40:28.000 That even as we hurt, we hoped.

00:40:30.000 That even as we tired, we tried.

00:40:32.000 That we'll forever be tied together, victorious.

00:40:36.000 Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

00:40:47.000 You know what really bugs me about this too is her anus has been bleach wiped from tonguing after this. 0.54

00:40:55.000 Like not one person has said, I don't know, I love you and I think you've accomplished a lot.

00:41:05.000 It just seemed a little pretentious for your age and your experience and you're talking to people.

00:41:11.000 It's off-putting.

00:41:12.000 It just seemed a little condescending.

00:41:16.000 And I know no one else is going to say that to you.

00:41:18.000 Oh my God, her poor anal lips. 1.00

00:41:21.000 They're probably threadbare from ass licking.

00:41:25.000 You and the hemorrhoids versus how she feels right.

00:41:28.000 She probably has hemorrhoids. 1.00

00:41:29.000 She probably feels worse.

00:41:31.000 She probably has a pencil broken in her ass just like me. 1.00

00:41:34.000 Actually, mine feels a lot better right now.

00:41:36.000 Nice.

00:41:37.000 The Prep H worked?

00:41:38.000 No, I don't believe in Prep H. I've been applying it like crazy and everyone goes, you got to get Prep H. And then the guys at my gym are like, you got to ice it.

00:41:45.000 I don't believe in any of that shit.

00:41:46.000 Things have a duration.

00:41:48.000 And a hemorrhoid is like 24 hours of hell, and then it gets manageable.

00:41:54.000 This is the beginning of the hemorrhoid is what she is.

00:41:57.000 Somebody wrote in hour three with hemorrhoids.

00:42:01.000 They wrote in about the metal spoon that you put in the freezer and you put it to your asshole.

00:42:05.000 I'm sure that is great.

00:42:06.000 Don't eat breakfast at that guy's house.

00:42:09.000 I'm sure that's great for like 30 minutes.

00:42:11.000 It's sort of like a canker.

00:42:12.000 They go, oh, you put salt on it and you cry with the pain.

00:42:17.000 Like tears involuntarily roll down your face.

00:42:20.000 But then it's numb because it got like overwhelmed.

00:42:23.000 And then you can eat and the pain doesn't come back for like 10 minutes.

00:42:26.000 Okay.

00:42:28.000 I mean, I'm sure ice would help me for 10 minutes.

00:42:30.000 I'm not really looking for 10 minutes.

00:42:31.000 I'm looking for this broken pencil to get out of my fucking ass.

00:42:36.000 To envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree and no one shall make them afraid.

00:42:44.000 If we're to live up to our own time, then victory won't lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we've made.

00:42:51.000 That is the promised glade, the hill we climb, if only we dare it.

00:42:57.000 Because being American is more than a pride we inherit.

00:43:02.000 It's the past we step into and how we repair it.

00:43:07.000 We've seen a force that would shatter our nation rather than share it.

00:43:11.000 Would destroy this country if it meant that.

00:43:14.000 Trump was a force that would shatter the nation.

00:43:16.000 Bitch, that's your side. 1.00

00:43:19.000 We've had 10 months of rioting.

00:43:21.000 You're the force that would happily shatter a nation.

00:43:23.000 You burnt this country down to the ground.

00:43:25.000 And I'm talking about Antifa BLM and the radical left, of which you were a part of when you're on the left.

00:43:31.000 They would happily destroy this country, and they did it during a pandemic.

00:43:36.000 If that's not the lowest blow you can imagine.

00:43:39.000 No borders, no wall, no USA at all. 0.94

00:43:43.000 That's you.

00:43:48.000 Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.

00:43:53.000 And this effort very nearly succeeded.

00:43:56.000 But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.

00:44:04.000 In this truth, in this just like we were talking about that trans health secretary and trying to imagine his sex life, what percentage of the people in the audience right there are just going, oh, for fuck's sakes, whatever.

00:44:20.000 Let's get this over with.

00:44:22.000 She's young.

00:44:22.000 She's black.

00:44:23.000 It's good for the books.

00:44:25.000 What percentage are doing that?

00:44:26.000 And what percentage are blown away by this stunning poem?

00:44:33.000 Amanda Gourmand.

00:44:35.000 And remember, we're dealing with politicians here.

00:44:37.000 So they're a particularly ruthless group.

00:44:42.000 Like, they're sort of like criminals.

00:44:45.000 They are criminals, right?

00:44:46.000 And criminals aren't very gushing.

00:44:50.000 They're not very...

00:44:50.000 What did that ISIS liar say?

00:44:53.000 Gloomy-ish?

00:44:54.000 Yeah.

00:44:55.000 They don't have a lot of feelings.

00:44:57.000 Of course, with political theater, they talk about this and that and how my heart bled.

00:45:03.000 But I think they're some of the least feeling people around.

00:45:07.000 Like, you and I cry at movies way more than any politician.

00:45:11.000 Like the movie Soul.

00:45:13.000 Oh, my God, Soul.

00:45:14.000 I needed Gatorade.

00:45:15.000 I was so dehydrated from crying.

00:45:19.000 But I watched it with a child because it's a children's movie.

00:45:22.000 You watched it.

00:45:23.000 I technically watched it with a child, too.

00:45:24.000 She's 18 or whatever she's.

00:45:27.000 What's she got?

00:45:27.000 Stickers on her face?

00:45:28.000 She's admitting voter fraud. 0.53

00:45:30.000 She voted seven times, looks like.

00:45:32.000 One, two, three, four, five.

00:45:34.000 Yeah, that's too many.

00:45:35.000 The red ones are from my dad red ones.

00:45:36.000 Okay, I'm just sorry to bore everyone at home, but can we just hear a little bit more of this?

00:45:40.000 How long is this shit?

00:45:42.000 Oh, man.

00:45:43.000 How long is this?

00:45:44.000 That's also kind of rude.

00:45:45.000 Like, I don't have any respect for the White House or Democrats, but it's still America.

00:45:52.000 And if you're a little kid who is in way over your head, make it two minutes.

00:45:58.000 And you can't tell her to wrap it up like there's.

00:46:01.000 Yeah, who's going to go, let's play some music, like at the Academy Awards where they play music in the background?

00:46:08.000 Faith we trust for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on the future.

00:46:14.000 This thing is what pisses me off.

00:46:16.000 Like the history.

00:46:18.000 You're not the president of the United States, and you didn't just end World War II.

00:46:22.000 She's talking like Winston Churchill in 1946.

00:46:27.000 Or like an alien that has come down and like we finally get smart enough.

00:46:31.000 And we're all like, thank you so much.

00:46:32.000 You saved all our lives.

00:46:33.000 Before I go.

00:46:35.000 Yeah.

00:46:36.000 Before she jets back into space. 1.00

00:46:38.000 The reason I came down here and cured cancer and gave you your grandmother's back is because we were impressed with your ability to love.

00:46:49.000 When we looked from our planets down on you, we saw creatures that were not advanced, that struggled, that starved, that were lost.

00:46:58.000 And we thought they must have no hope.

00:47:01.000 They must resent each other.

00:47:04.000 They must want each other to fail.

00:47:06.000 And the closer we looked, the more we saw that that was not true.

00:47:11.000 The more we saw that humans loved one another.

00:47:16.000 This is something our planets fail to do.

00:47:20.000 This is something Mars, Venus, planets you haven't heard of, like Hakala, have failed to do. 1.00

00:47:29.000 And we said, why are we wasting so much technology, so much force, so much science on our own people who are incapable of love?

00:47:39.000 We technically literally have no hearts.

00:47:42.000 And we thought we will come to Earth.

00:47:44.000 And we said, what's the number one cause of death?

00:47:46.000 They said, cancer.

00:47:47.000 We said it's gone.

00:47:48.000 We said, what's number two?

00:47:49.000 They said heart disease.

00:47:50.000 We said it's gone.

00:47:52.000 They said, what's number three?

00:47:54.000 They said it's obesity.

00:47:55.000 We said it's gone.

00:47:56.000 And now we look at you human beings and we think, now you can thrive.

00:48:03.000 Now you're fit.

00:48:05.000 Now you're old.

00:48:06.000 Now your loved ones can be with your loved ones, loved ones.

00:48:10.000 Great-grandmothers play with grandchildren.

00:48:14.000 And why did we do this?

00:48:16.000 Because we're magnanimous?

00:48:19.000 Because we're incredibly generous aliens?

00:48:21.000 No, we did it because of you.

00:48:23.000 The same way that you rescue pandas in China and propagate the species, we do that to you because we think you're cute.

00:48:38.000 And we're in awe of your ability to love.

00:48:44.000 So at this, the 59th inauguration of the 46th President of the United States, I would like to say to you, you're welcome.

00:48:54.000 You're welcome for me as super alien.

00:48:58.000 Removing the top three ways you die.

00:49:03.000 Wait, why are some ABBOs banging on a stick when I'm making an important speech? 1.00

00:49:06.000 Some more alien buddies.

00:49:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:11.000 One thing we notice about Earth is these guys don't know how to play instruments.

00:49:14.000 Yeah, these guys are gone.

00:49:16.000 They're done.

00:49:17.000 Cancer, them, done.

00:49:18.000 Yeah, we're taking them back to Mars.

00:49:21.000 We're going to work on them for like a thousand years and we'll come back with a super above.

00:49:27.000 Okay, let's get back to his speech.

00:49:28.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:49:33.000 Why?

00:49:33.000 What are your hands?

00:49:34.000 You're used to like this.

00:49:36.000 You better be fucking Moses.

00:49:38.000 You got to summon something.

00:49:40.000 Some kind of creature.

00:49:40.000 You better be lava come up from the ground and kill every rapist in the world.

00:49:46.000 People like turn back time and fly.

00:49:50.000 Or at least bring fries.

00:49:52.000 Or at least be entertaining.

00:49:54.000 I guess she is entertaining.

00:49:56.000 Providing fodder.

00:49:57.000 It's the only thing I remember of today.

00:50:15.000 She's appropriating African culture too. 1.00

00:50:18.000 She's not from Africa.

00:50:19.000 She's African-American.

00:50:20.000 I knew an African chick. 1.00

00:50:22.000 I was seeing one for a little bit.

00:50:24.000 And she would wear those things in her hair.

00:50:26.000 And it's because that's how they go.

00:50:28.000 Yeah, that's an interesting point.

00:50:29.000 The American black dressing African is appropriating culture. 0.96

00:50:33.000 She's not from Wakanda.

00:50:34.000 I don't mind that as much as I mind her appropriating deities.

00:50:39.000 She's acting like a fucking god. 1.00

00:50:43.000 Now we assert.

00:50:46.000 How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

00:50:51.000 We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be a country that is bruised but whole.

00:50:58.000 Fucking embarrassing.

00:50:59.000 The poor soldiers standing at attention too.

00:51:01.000 They got to stand there at attention.

00:51:02.000 Like Patton's speech.

00:51:03.000 Patton had fought in wars.

00:51:06.000 What have you done?

00:51:08.000 How long was Patton speech?

00:51:09.000 You wrote poems at McDonald's and stole their uniform.

00:51:16.000 What are you looking at?

00:51:18.000 I just wonder how long Patton's speech was.

00:51:21.000 How long was this?

00:51:23.000 Let's see.

00:51:24.000 We'll look that up later.

00:51:25.000 Yeah.

00:51:26.000 It's fucking long.

00:51:27.000 It's fucking long.

00:51:29.000 And I know that our viewers are getting mad, but fuck you.

00:51:32.000 We're making a point.

00:51:35.000 Minute 31.

00:51:36.000 Yeah, it's like almost seven minutes or something.

00:51:38.000 Turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation.

00:51:47.000 Our blunders become their burdens.

00:51:50.000 But one thing is certain.

00:51:53.000 If we merge mercy with might into might with rights, then love.

00:51:59.000 That's My least favorite part.

00:52:01.000 The Naruto hand, like Kamehameha, Japanese anime hand.

00:52:05.000 Mercy with might, into might, with right.

00:52:09.000 Oh, I notice, notice her little squint, too.

00:52:11.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:12.000 She's powering up for an attack. 0.83

00:52:14.000 She's like, here it comes.

00:52:15.000 I'm like, cringe clans.

00:52:25.000 Our children's birthright.

00:52:28.000 So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left with.

00:52:32.000 Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into.

00:52:37.000 Just as bronze, is that like a way of saying black?

00:52:40.000 Yeah, they're like the cinnamon just relating it to some sort of other thing.

00:52:45.000 Wondrous one.

00:52:46.000 We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west.

00:52:49.000 We will rise from the wind-swept northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution.

00:52:54.000 We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states.

00:52:58.000 We will rise from the sun-baked south.

00:53:00.000 We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover in every known tree.

00:53:05.000 Every nation in every corner called our country.

00:53:08.000 Our people, diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.

00:53:13.000 When day comes, we step out of the shade of flame and unafraid.

00:53:18.000 The new dawn balloons as we free it.

00:53:21.000 For there was always light if only we're brave enough to see it.

00:53:26.000 If only we're brave enough to be it.

00:53:31.000 Please be okay.

00:53:35.000 Wow.

00:53:36.000 That was utter fucking garbage.

00:53:39.000 That was the most irrelevant pile of words I maybe have ever heard.

00:53:45.000 This was a really good 12th grade presentation at a junior fucking high.

00:54:05.000 So blacks are 14% of the population.

00:54:07.000 Shouldn't they be 14% of the speeches?

00:54:10.000 Shouldn't out of 10 speakers, one of them be black? 0.98

00:54:14.000 This guy, anyway, we won't bore you with more of this shit, but this guy was basically the same.

00:54:18.000 Dead Garth Brooks.

00:54:20.000 And they had Barth.

00:54:22.000 Who hugged people and shook their hands with no mask on.

00:54:26.000 Aren't these the people that care about this sort of shit?

00:54:30.000 Like, what are the rules?

00:54:33.000 What's 2-5?

00:54:35.000 Where I said seems nice.

00:54:37.000 I don't know what these lefties are going to do now that they don't have our bad guy anymore.

00:54:43.000 I know what I'm going to do.

00:54:44.000 I have a bad guy.

00:54:45.000 His name's Joe Biden.

00:54:46.000 And the various clowns they pull up, like the ambassador to McDonald's.

00:54:50.000 But.

00:54:53.000 Oh, yeah, this is his speech.

00:54:54.000 I mean, people keep talking about it.

00:54:56.000 Everyone at the bar was talking about this today.

00:54:58.000 It's just a fucking farewell speech.

00:55:01.000 It's almost as bad as what she just said.

00:55:03.000 Like, this isn't relevant.

00:55:06.000 My fellow Americans, four years ago, we launched a great national effort to rebuild our country, to renew its spirit, and to restore the allegiance of this government to its citizens.

00:55:19.000 In short, we are almost as bad.

00:55:24.000 It's slightly less pretentious, a little more on point, but still just meaningless rhetoric.

00:55:29.000 This is why we hate politicians.

00:55:31.000 The rhetoric.

00:55:34.000 I hate that so much of politics is someone reading a fucking speech that someone wrote for them.

00:55:40.000 I read them books to go to bed.

00:55:43.000 That's a daddy reading his little tiny kid who can't read a book before he goes to bed he buys.

00:55:50.000 And it's Captain Underpants, for example.

00:55:53.000 I'm not a little kid.

00:55:54.000 Don't read me Captain Underpants before I go to bed.

00:56:00.000 Wait, are you sure that was 2.5?

00:56:02.000 No.

00:56:03.000 That was 2.5.

00:56:03.000 This is 2.6.

00:56:04.000 What's 2.6?

00:56:09.000 Oh, this was cool.

00:56:09.000 The peaceful transition of power.

00:56:12.000 Look at that.

00:56:13.000 This must be footage from North Korea.

00:56:17.000 This is because Joe Biggs walked into the Capitol and took a piss, and some other guy was sitting on the phone with a plastic bullet in his face.

00:56:24.000 Did he take a piss?

00:56:26.000 I believe he did, yes.

00:56:28.000 Allegedly.

00:56:32.000 Walls don't work.

00:56:34.000 We hate walls.

00:56:38.000 What's 2-7?

00:56:39.000 Also defund the police.

00:56:47.000 Oh yeah, this was a great example.

00:56:49.000 I got to do a whole show on this, on the way the media portrays Trump and portrays other politicians, because I have a whole file on my desktop of contradictions and hypocrisy when they report on one and the other.

00:57:05.000 And I think what it's done is it's ruined the media.

00:57:08.000 I've talked to a lot of people that are just done with the news, right and left.

00:57:13.000 They just don't watch it anymore.

00:57:15.000 It doesn't mean anything.

00:57:16.000 They believed it.

00:57:17.000 I mean, the shit you read about Proud Boys is so fucking crazy.

00:57:21.000 The Wall Street Journal said they led the attack on the Capitol.

00:57:24.000 Nick Ox was there.

00:57:26.000 Joe Biggs was there.

00:57:28.000 That means they led the attack.

00:57:29.000 And then you read the article and it's like, well, they were talking shit on social media.

00:57:32.000 Oh, so everyone at the Capitol was inspired by some random parlor chat or telegram beef.

00:57:41.000 But what does she say?

00:57:43.000 This is just a random silly example, but I think it's very important.

00:57:46.000 And I know the Guardian is left-wing, but you get the idea.

00:57:48.000 And this one, Arwa Malhadawi, is clearly an affirmative action hire.

00:57:52.000 That's who writes our news these days, affirmative action hires. 1.00

00:57:55.000 Why Ivanka Trump's new haircut should make us very afraid?

00:57:58.000 And then the uproar over AOC's hair is a reminder that women can't win under the patriarchy. 1.00

00:58:09.000 Look at Midnight Smiter. 0.61

00:58:11.000 I had to triple check that this person is real.

00:58:14.000 What is this and who fucks it?

00:58:18.000 Mary Fauci Day to President Biden.

00:58:20.000 Thank you for promising to restore secular atheism in government.

00:58:23.000 I literally worship you for that.

00:58:25.000 What is that thing?

00:58:28.000 Do you watch The Mandalorian?

00:58:30.000 Was it originally female?

00:58:31.000 I don't know.

00:58:33.000 Is it a lesbian with testosterone? 1.00

00:58:36.000 And then, is it even conceivable that any gay, straight woman or male would fuck that? 0.78

00:58:43.000 Isn't that bestiality?

00:58:45.000 How much would you have to be paid to fuck that, Ryan?

00:58:47.000 And when I say fuck, I mean go to town, making out.

00:58:52.000 I want it's, I'm going to say it's a her.

00:58:55.000 I want her world to be rocked.

00:58:57.000 I want her to be like quivering after, because it was so amazing.

00:59:02.000 And I like remember it well.

00:59:04.000 Yep, yep.

00:59:05.000 What am I going to do?

00:59:06.000 Oh, you'd be blackout drunk or something?

00:59:08.000 Maybe.

00:59:08.000 No, you have to be 100% sober.

00:59:12.000 Um, let's see, like $41,000.

00:59:19.000 Okay.

00:59:20.000 Now, you're $12,000 in debt.

00:59:23.000 Allegedly.

00:59:25.000 No, not allegedly.

00:59:26.000 It's a fact.

00:59:27.000 I just like to say that.

00:59:29.000 So I have a paper bag.

00:59:31.000 She's in your bedroom. 0.99

00:59:33.000 I have a paper bag with $12,000 in it.

00:59:37.000 No.

00:59:38.000 I slide that over to you.

00:59:39.000 Nope.

00:59:40.000 Debt-free.

00:59:41.000 You slide it back to me?

00:59:43.000 Yeah.

00:59:45.000 Because, I mean, that money's gone?

00:59:49.000 I guess with you Puerto Ricans, you're like, yo, that sucks. 1.00

00:59:51.000 Because now I still got zero.

00:59:53.000 Yeah.

00:59:56.000 Even if I had like $40,000, that's still like people could bring this up and be like, look what you did.

01:00:02.000 And I would not have said the way Aunt Coulter got really mad at me once because we had a big dinner with all her fancy friends and they're all doctors and stuff.

01:00:09.000 And I was like, how much do you have to be paid to let a bum rape you? 1.00

01:00:14.000 Well, you can't let a bump.

01:00:15.000 Don't bring up subjects like that when I invite you out with my friends.

01:00:17.000 But I was like, it's a good question.

01:00:20.000 It's an interesting question.

01:00:21.000 I wrote a whole article about it in Tacky Mag.

01:00:24.000 And the answer is $10 million.

01:00:28.000 And you take $7 million and you give $3 million to charity.

01:00:32.000 So when you're in your mansion, when you're indoor pool, and people go, how'd you make this money?

01:00:36.000 You go, oh, I let a bum fuck me in the ass. 1.00

01:00:39.000 And they go, ugh, that's gross.

01:00:40.000 And you go, really?

01:00:41.000 I started an entrepreneur's fund that led to this company, this company, and this company.

01:00:48.000 So fuck you. 0.68

01:00:50.000 I saved the world and my hemorrhoid for $40,000 plus 200 meters.

01:00:57.000 Plus the Statue of Liberty.

01:00:59.000 So we should also talk about the pardons.

01:01:02.000 Not really impressed with our guy, Trump Barunski.

01:01:08.000 Yeah.

01:01:12.000 Oh, man, I missed it.

01:01:14.000 Did not pardon Julian Assange.

01:01:16.000 Yeah, that doesn't matter.

01:01:17.000 You didn't get that on tape?

01:01:19.000 No.

01:01:19.000 I was switching over.

01:01:21.000 The last thing I would imagine is you break our boy's head off.

01:01:24.000 Julian Assange is not pardoned.

01:01:27.000 That pisses me off.

01:01:31.000 Edward Snowden.

01:01:33.000 Edward Snowden isn't as bad because he's not sick and he's safe where he is now.

01:01:40.000 Julian Assange is dying.

01:01:42.000 And he's already done 10 years.

01:01:44.000 Even if you think he's guilty.

01:01:45.000 But I think he chose Lil Wayne and Kodak Black because he wants to be popular.

01:01:50.000 And he hates that people think he's racist.

01:01:53.000 Dude, dudes on the right, they all call us racist.

01:01:56.000 They don't really mean it.

01:01:58.000 And the more you try to appease them, the less it works.

01:02:02.000 So what is this now?

01:02:06.000 Video tackles of major bout and racial tension.

01:02:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:09.000 I remember this video.

01:02:10.000 Kodak Black strangles a guy in a MAGA hat.

01:02:13.000 No, someone else does.

01:02:14.000 And then Kodak Black is dancing around in the background.

01:02:17.000 And then Lil Wayne, I guess he feels culpability for that.

01:02:22.000 But show the Kodak Black video.

01:02:24.000 See if you can find that.

01:02:26.000 Just go Kodak Black Strangles Trump Supporter.

01:02:33.000 Why'd you give him a pardon, dude?

01:02:37.000 That's that opens.

01:02:38.000 There it is.

01:02:44.000 Oh, cool.

01:02:46.000 It's even.

01:02:47.000 It's about the KKK.

01:02:49.000 I got this great letter.

01:02:51.000 Hold on a second.

01:02:54.000 I got this great letter about the KKK, and it's funny how much we talk about them.

01:02:59.000 Because it was like a documentary on them.

01:03:02.000 Yeah, here it is.

01:03:07.000 Let's just...

01:03:08.000 So that guy had a Confederate flag on his back.

01:03:10.000 He's in the KKK.

01:03:11.000 He's an evil man.

01:03:13.000 Let's see who we're talking about.

01:03:16.000 Who are these people?

01:03:17.000 These radical white supremacists that are domestic terrorists that support Trump.

01:03:22.000 They're going to take over the world, start a race war. 1.00

01:03:25.000 Let's see these domestic terrorists.

01:03:27.000 If your discretion is advised, guys, you're going to be really freaked out by how dangerous these fuckers are.

01:03:33.000 Get ready for some serious nightmares.

01:03:38.000 Oh my God, this is...

01:03:39.000 I'm petrified.

01:03:41.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 24, 50.

01:03:46.000 20 people.

01:03:49.000 They're one of the world's most controversial organizations and the most dangerous.

01:03:54.000 With over 50 members.

01:04:02.000 Yeah, they better be.

01:04:04.000 Look at them.

01:04:05.000 Oh, my God.

01:04:07.000 Imagine those people were in your town with special access to a recruitment round.

01:04:10.000 Four moms and one dude. 0.84

01:04:13.000 Secret location.

01:04:14.000 We go inside the movement members and uncover how they're planning to take up military-style training for what they claim is the first time in their history.

01:04:22.000 Looks like if you want to destroy this group, you should just ban donuts.

01:04:27.000 Moving to another direction with lower white knights, and that is starting to arm train hand-to-hand combat and stuff like that just for the upcoming battle.

01:04:35.000 Established 150 years ago, the Ku Klux Klan have long been associated with racism cross-lightsing.

01:04:42.000 So that's who everyone is petrified about.

01:04:48.000 And he ignored Assange and Snowden to appear less racist and chose Lil Wayne and fucking Kodak Black.

01:04:58.000 Why?

01:04:58.000 Do you want to get invited to the...

01:04:59.000 I Guess that is.

01:05:00.000 You know, I think ultimately Trump's biggest problem is, as far as his social life, is that he's considered Rodney Dangerfield and Caddyshack.

01:05:07.000 He's considered Catholic.

01:05:09.000 He's considered Scotch-Irish, like me, and he wants to be Tucker.

01:05:13.000 He wants to be a wasp really bad.

01:05:16.000 And wasps aren't like that.

01:05:18.000 They don't greet you.

01:05:19.000 You're either born wasp or you're not a wasp.

01:05:22.000 Now, I personally could give less of a fuck.

01:05:24.000 I like some wasps, but I know I'll never be part of their little gay club. 1.00

01:05:29.000 I don't fucking care.

01:05:31.000 But Trump does because rich people aren't authentically rich unless they're wasps.

01:05:37.000 They're nouveau-riche.

01:05:38.000 And Trump hates that he's seen as nouveau-rich.

01:05:40.000 I think he should embrace it, love it, and wear tartan pants.

01:05:44.000 But it seems to bother him.

01:05:46.000 So part of being non-nouveau riche is having black friends and being woke.

01:05:52.000 And I think that's why he pardoned them and ignored Snow Nurse and Assange, and that's why we killed him.

01:05:59.000 We've had this little thing forever.

01:06:03.000 And now I've turned into, what's her name?

01:06:04.000 With the head.

01:06:07.000 What's 3-1?

01:06:09.000 I think it's the same thing.

01:06:14.000 Oh yeah, expectations in reality.

01:06:17.000 But this dude, 3-2, did a good compilation of all the people he pardoned and what fucking disgusting pigs they all are. 0.58

01:06:28.000 Oh no, maybe that's not it.

01:06:29.000 So in the end, Trump pardons Blackwater war criminals, an Israeli spy, a bunch of financial fraudsters, shady political operatives, and even a couple rappers. 0.55

01:06:38.000 But Julian Assange and Edward Snowden, no further commentary necessary, is there?

01:06:43.000 Go to 3-3.

01:06:46.000 Look at all the people better than Assange.

01:06:50.000 Poor Cassandra Fairbanks. 1.00

01:06:51.000 She's on fucking, not suicide watch, meltdown watch. 1.00

01:06:56.000 Trump pardoning a foreigner who came to this country to convince Americans to spy for Israel.

01:07:00.000 And then after that, he has just a CEO with a conflict of interest.

01:07:04.000 No, he defrauded the United States Medicare program of $4.6 million.

01:07:09.000 And these fraudsters are often taking people's retirement funds, destroying their lives.

01:07:15.000 This guy lobbied Trump's Justice Department on behalf of the Chinese and Malaysian governments.

01:07:20.000 Very cool.

01:07:22.000 And then charges weren't exactly overturned.

01:07:24.000 Prosecutors chose not to pursue the case further if he relinquished the $710 grand.

01:07:30.000 He claims his family in Iran sent him a few million dollars.

01:07:32.000 Make of that what you will, but Dianne Feinstein wants him pardoned.

01:07:38.000 John Hardner defrauded people all across the country who are preparing for retirement, essentially stealing well over $100 million from them.

01:07:47.000 And then he quotes one of his victims, I cannot retire.

01:07:49.000 I'm turning 66.

01:07:50.000 I don't know how we're going to survive.

01:07:52.000 John has destroyed my family.

01:07:54.000 He's free to go.

01:07:56.000 In this case, nonviolent offense is used to hide the fact that he defrauded 1,400 Americans out of $300 million.

01:08:03.000 Life savings, retirements, poof, gone.

01:08:06.000 But Clark bought himself a literal gold mine with the money.

01:08:09.000 Anyway, that pisses me off, and I can subsume Cassandra's rage. 0.99

01:08:19.000 3-4, we tend to wonder what these Trump derange syndrome shitheads are going to do now.

01:08:25.000 Look at these tweets.

01:08:27.000 They're watching him walk away, and they're like, he looks small.

01:08:32.000 You got to zoom out, Ryan.

01:08:33.000 People can't see the tweet when you show it on the screen.

01:08:37.000 As he leaves the White House for the final time, he just looks like a small man.

01:08:41.000 Next.

01:08:44.000 Oh, blessed day.

01:08:45.000 They're so glad he's gone.

01:08:46.000 Next one.

01:08:48.000 The image of Trump leaving the White House this morning will supplant Nixon's walk and wave as the iconic picture of disgrace in American politics.

01:08:55.000 That's just false.

01:08:57.000 Fleeing in disgrace, classless to the end.

01:09:01.000 A puny crowd awaits him in that.

01:09:02.000 This woman, by the way, is one of the ugliest women, Jennifer Rubin. 1.00

01:09:05.000 She is hideous. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Just an ugly person inside and out.

01:09:11.000 But what are these people going to do now that he's gone?

01:09:15.000 He's their entire existence.

01:09:20.000 So Bernie was dressed up like a fucking idiot.

01:09:23.000 Look at that.

01:09:24.000 Let's see her again.

01:09:27.000 Yeah.

01:09:28.000 And the way she presents herself, too, is what's really hideous.

01:09:33.000 It's like a weird leathery Hispanic male. 1.00

01:09:41.000 So the Bernie meme is, he showed up, kind of pissed off.

01:09:44.000 He always wanted to be president.

01:09:45.000 And people think that he was making a statement about how mad he is that he's not president.

01:09:52.000 No, that's not what happened.

01:09:54.000 People don't understand that Marxists look like shit.

01:09:58.000 That's part of their thing.

01:09:59.000 Have you ever been to college?

01:10:00.000 Go talk to a Marxist professor, which is 80% of professors.

01:10:03.000 They always have on like a gross sweater with like moth holes in it and weird brown pants and like orthopedic loafers and they'll have big mittens on.

01:10:16.000 It's the way they dress.

01:10:18.000 It's like a fuck you to aesthetics.

01:10:26.000 So that's a real picture of him, but in a pigeon park.

01:10:30.000 Love those pigeons.

01:10:31.000 Is that really Ariana Grande? 0.99

01:10:33.000 I think it is.

01:10:34.000 Yeah.

01:10:37.000 There he is.

01:10:38.000 These are all different people.

01:10:39.000 There he's in the cover of a Steely Dan record.

01:10:41.000 I assume you like Steely Dan because you like all shitty single mom music. 1.00

01:10:45.000 I do not.

01:10:46.000 You do not?

01:10:46.000 The song Pretzelogic's pretty good, but I don't remember it.

01:10:49.000 I just remember it feeling all right.

01:10:51.000 My guitar teacher making me start green sleeves over after I made a mistake.

01:10:57.000 There he is in the bathroom at CBGB's from John Joseph Cro-Mag.

01:11:02.000 Fantagraphics, but this one up of him selling their various books.

01:11:08.000 That's it.

01:11:09.000 Is that it?

01:11:13.000 So 3-7.

01:11:20.000 Wait, is that her?

01:11:21.000 Dr. Biden.

01:11:22.000 That's not 3-6?

01:11:23.000 Madam. 0.98

01:11:24.000 That's 3-6, Ryan.

01:11:27.000 It's 3-7.

01:11:28.000 Mr. President.

01:11:30.000 Dr. Biden.

01:11:32.000 Are you sure?

01:11:34.000 We skipped 36, though.

01:11:36.000 What was 3-6?

01:11:40.000 Oh, that's just the thing.

01:11:41.000 She's dressed like Ronald McDonald, and I have a strange suspicion that her dad dresses like the hamburgler.

01:11:49.000 That's a possibility.

01:11:51.000 All right.

01:11:52.000 I should probably get some paper, and we should probably take some calls.

01:11:56.000 Yes.

01:11:58.000 And before we do, let's hit the boat.

01:12:03.000 You are on air.

01:12:06.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:12:08.000 You don't need to learn here.

01:12:10.000 Understand why.

01:12:11.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:12:13.000 You have one thing.

01:12:14.000 Thank you for calling.

01:12:15.000 It's great hearing from you.

01:12:18.000 All right, next call.

01:12:19.000 I should warn everyone, I'm going to be completely ruthless today in order to get through the calls.

01:12:25.000 So if you fart or blink, I'm cutting you off.

01:12:31.000 Ooh, new bumper, check it out.

01:12:33.000 Submission by Chris.

01:12:41.000 Black good, white bad, black, white bad, rideworld, your bad. 1.00

01:12:47.000 You're mad.

01:13:00.000 Kind of long, but cool.

01:13:03.000 I have no comment.

01:13:10.000 I'm going to do a drawing of me holding Trump's head, like what's your name?

01:13:35.000 20 seconds.

01:13:36.000 20 seconds?

01:13:39.000 That's a long ass time, motherfucker.

01:13:45.000 By the way, folks at home, if you haven't received your sketches from a previous thing, I gotta admit, I was swamped with the whole payment processing thing.

01:13:56.000 So I wasn't paying attention to sending you your sketches.

01:13:59.000 I got them all.

01:14:00.000 I got your names.

01:14:01.000 I'm going to get on that probably on Friday.

01:14:04.000 I just sort of felt like I couldn't breathe until we knew if we had a payment processor.

01:14:11.000 I also have everyone cracking down on everything Proud Boy.

01:14:17.000 So I was worried about it getting shut down.

01:14:23.000 Because Vice got my cameo shut down.

01:14:27.000 Because I'm raising money for a black family, and that's racist.

01:14:34.000 We have a call.

01:14:35.000 We have plenty of calls.

01:14:36.000 All right, what do we got?

01:14:38.000 Any giveaways or no?

01:14:40.000 No, I didn't see any.

01:14:42.000 All right.

01:14:43.000 Hey, you're on the line.

01:14:47.000 How are you guys doing?

01:14:48.000 Hey, man.

01:14:51.000 Yeah.

01:14:52.000 Just watching the inauguration today at work because all my patients like to watch fucking CNN and MSNBC.

01:15:01.000 Have you noticed that all these reporters and journalists are basically beating off while they're talking about Biden and the fucking Dr. Biden and all his bullshit?

01:15:12.000 It's like they're having literal orgasms on here.

01:15:15.000 Well, we saw this with Obama, right?

01:15:17.000 Like the questions were all softball questions and they would calm themselves.

01:15:23.000 It's just non-news.

01:15:25.000 And I think what's going to happen is people are just going to not watch.

01:15:27.000 Like who's going to watch CNN now just to watch someone lick Joe Biden or Kamala Harris's ass? 1.00

01:15:36.000 Yeah, and these people are just fucking so fucking dramatic.

01:15:40.000 And the people watching them too, like, you know, I'll be in a guy's room where I work anyway.

01:15:47.000 And this one patient I had was a Marine, and he was literally in tears about how bad Trump was.

01:15:56.000 And he's crying about how terrible Trump was and how happy he is that Biden's in.

01:16:03.000 People are just fucking brainwashed.

01:16:06.000 How is it a Marine?

01:16:07.000 I don't get that.

01:16:09.000 He was a fucking Marine in fucking Vietnam.

01:16:14.000 He was telling me about all these stories about him and how he has PTSD and he won't take medication because of, you know, he doesn't want to start taking anti-anxiety meds, but he was literally bursting out in tears when he was talking about Trump.

01:16:30.000 It was pathetic.

01:16:31.000 Yeah, it sounds like he's...

01:16:32.000 He started laughing.

01:16:33.000 He needs meds.

01:16:34.000 He's awesome.

01:16:36.000 Yeah, it was really awkward because I started laughing because he started doing that.

01:16:43.000 I literally thought he started talking about Trump and I thought he was laughing, so I just started laughing.

01:16:48.000 But then he was doing the Van Jones thing.

01:16:51.000 And I was laughing.

01:16:52.000 All right, man.

01:16:52.000 Thanks for calling.

01:16:54.000 Great points.

01:16:56.000 See, that's how fast we're going to be this time around.

01:17:01.000 You have been silenced.

01:17:03.000 We got Lewis.

01:17:06.000 Hey, what's up, Gang, Gang?

01:17:09.000 Gang, gang, gang, gang, gang.

01:17:10.000 Hey, man.

01:17:12.000 Hey, what's up, Gav?

01:17:13.000 Hey, dude, I have a bone to pick with you.

01:17:15.000 Pick away.

01:17:17.000 Let's get picking.

01:17:18.000 All right.

01:17:19.000 So every time I call, I was the last caller last week.

01:17:21.000 Every time I call, you always say to, you turn to Ryan at the end of the call and say, I'm going to flip the script on you.

01:17:29.000 Or like, did you get the feeling that this guy's going to trick us?

01:17:33.000 You always say this shit to me.

01:17:35.000 What's up with that?

01:17:37.000 I don't know.

01:17:37.000 Are you trying to trick me?

01:17:40.000 No, of course not.

01:17:41.000 I called about Arrow Pink at the last caller last week, and then you've said that.

01:17:47.000 You've ended myself.

01:17:49.000 Thanks for calling.

01:17:50.000 This sounds like a trick.

01:17:52.000 He's trying to.

01:17:54.000 It does.

01:17:54.000 Yeah, that guy's trying to dupe us.

01:17:56.000 Nice try, dude.

01:17:57.000 Fucking try.

01:17:58.000 Nice to us.

01:17:58.000 Fucking try.

01:17:59.000 You think we were born yesterday?

01:18:01.000 Good thing you have a long-winded setup, like when a villain has the ability to kill the hero at the end of the movie.

01:18:07.000 Fucking try.

01:18:08.000 I'm no dummy.

01:18:09.000 Yeah.

01:18:10.000 I'm no dummy, my friend.

01:18:12.000 You know who's a better caller?

01:18:14.000 Billy.

01:18:16.000 Billy boy.

01:18:17.000 Yes, Billy Boy.

01:18:19.000 What's up, Bibi?

01:18:20.000 Billy boy.

01:18:22.000 Dude, fucking worst hangover of my life today.

01:18:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:27.000 You know, here's something I got to ask you.

01:18:29.000 So I was in Vegas last year, and I was maybe 10 feet away from a place where for $100, and I had the money, I could have had an IV and oxygen and killed my hangover.

01:18:41.000 And I just thought, no, that ain't right.

01:18:46.000 I have to pay my taxes.

01:18:48.000 And it's hard to explain to people why you need to endure a hangover.

01:18:56.000 Yeah, hair of the dog, for sure.

01:18:59.000 But I need a pick-me-up.

01:19:01.000 I've got a Mary F. Kill scenario I want to hear.

01:19:04.000 Okay, I wasn't talking about Hair of the Dog.

01:19:06.000 I was saying, just take it and suffer.

01:19:10.000 Oh, no, no.

01:19:10.000 I got to keep drinking.

01:19:12.000 All right, what's your MaryFuck kill? 0.91

01:19:14.000 Okay, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malk, and Candace Owens.

01:19:20.000 And with that, I yield my time.

01:19:22.000 Okay, thank you, sir.

01:19:23.000 I would kill Candace Owens because she charged me money to be on our show, and I'll never forgive her for that. 0.64

01:19:30.000 That really pissed me off.

01:19:32.000 I discovered her.

01:19:35.000 And when I was at CR-TV, she refused to appear on the show.

01:19:38.000 And then when she got money, she said, okay.

01:19:41.000 That made me mad.

01:19:42.000 So she's dead.

01:19:44.000 And then Mary and Fuck. 1.00

01:19:47.000 I think I find Michelle Malkin more attractive.

01:19:50.000 I'm more of a brunette guy.

01:19:52.000 Ann Coulter is a beautiful woman.

01:19:54.000 But Michelle is more my type because I'm more of a brunette dude. 1.00

01:19:58.000 My mom was blonde.

01:19:59.000 I have a reverse oedable complex.

01:20:00.000 So I would fuck Ann. 1.00

01:20:03.000 Just get that out of the way. 0.99

01:20:04.000 I hope it wouldn't ruin our friendship.

01:20:06.000 I hope she wouldn't be mad.

01:20:08.000 Well, I guess when you do marry, fuck, kill, it's not like you're raping the girl, right?

01:20:12.000 It's not like she's crying and screaming the whole time.

01:20:14.000 No.

01:20:15.000 It's not like it was set up by Uday Hussein.

01:20:17.000 So in this scenario, Anne would be enjoying it, and she would have proposed it or something, right?

01:20:23.000 And Michelle Malkin, for example, would be divorced from her husband, who she loves very much, and she would be desperate for me, and I would be divorced.

01:20:32.000 So there's a lot of caveats here.

01:20:34.000 You got to assume a lot of voluntary behavior.

01:20:40.000 But yeah, in that scenario, I would kill Candace Owens, fuck Ann Coulter, and marry Michelle Mulkin.

01:20:48.000 I'm going to come.

01:20:51.000 Did I really say that?

01:20:52.000 Yeah, but not in that case.

01:20:53.000 But he was going to come.

01:20:54.000 Okay.

01:20:55.000 What's that, Billy?

01:20:58.000 Hot shit.

01:20:59.000 Hot shit, shit.

01:21:02.000 Tony, calling about Kamala.

01:21:05.000 Camela.

01:21:06.000 Came in.

01:21:07.000 Hi, hi.

01:21:09.000 Hi.

01:21:10.000 I don't want to lose my camela.

01:21:13.000 I do.

01:21:13.000 Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

01:21:16.000 Really fast.

01:21:17.000 Desetin will get rid of your hemorrhoids.

01:21:20.000 But anyway.

01:21:21.000 What's it called?

01:21:22.000 Desetin?

01:21:24.000 Desetin, you've got babies.

01:21:26.000 Desetin, what you use on babies.

01:21:28.000 Decetin's child.

01:21:29.000 And what do I do?

01:21:30.000 I just put it on my analytics?

01:21:33.000 Put a shitload on.

01:21:34.000 Just a whole lot, and it'll be over in a couple days.

01:21:38.000 And whereas Preparation H has 13% fish oil, Preparation H has 40%.

01:21:46.000 And it's amazing.

01:21:47.000 It got rid of my daughter's eczema.

01:21:49.000 It's very, very potent.

01:21:51.000 Desettin'. 0.70

01:21:52.000 Okay, sold.

01:21:53.000 So anyway, anyway, so you're right.

01:21:58.000 Biden's going to last a year.

01:22:01.000 I think after a year, we're going to hear, we'll hear he, you know, leaks out about health issues.

01:22:10.000 By 18 months, he'll say to my fellow Americans, it was my pleasure for serving you.

01:22:16.000 I'm leaving you in good hands.

01:22:19.000 But she's a psychopath. 1.00

01:22:20.000 She has psychopathy.

01:22:22.000 That woman disturbs me to the core.

01:22:26.000 When you see that posturing that she does and that cackling laugh, the laugh is really weird, isn't it?

01:22:34.000 All the time.

01:22:34.000 And she thinks it's a bad thing.

01:22:35.000 No, she's a psychopath. 1.00

01:22:37.000 She thinks it's an icebreaker that makes everyone feel relaxed.

01:22:40.000 Meanwhile, it's just disturbing.

01:22:44.000 She has psychopathy.

01:22:46.000 She's in portrayal all the time if you study her body language.

01:22:51.000 And she's the kind of female I've always hated my whole life. 1.00

01:22:55.000 So I'm particularly disturbed because she's always used her sexuality to get attention. 1.00

01:23:01.000 She's like the kind of chick that hates other women and only goes for high-powered men. 1.00

01:23:06.000 You can tell right off the bat.

01:23:08.000 So that cackling laugh is her idea of being a coquettish young woman, but she has psychopathy. 0.96

01:23:15.000 She's just a stone-cold liar and has always used her sexuality to get ahead. 1.00

01:23:20.000 So she terrifies me.

01:23:22.000 Well, it terrifies me.

01:23:24.000 So let's please hope that old Codger keeps his shit together for four years.

01:23:31.000 I doubt it, but I give him 18 months at most.

01:23:35.000 Okay, that's your vote.

01:23:36.000 You're in.

01:23:37.000 18 months.

01:23:38.000 Thanks for calling.

01:23:39.000 That's about mine, too.

01:23:41.000 What did we say?

01:23:42.000 I thought you said just under two years.

01:23:46.000 Right.

01:23:46.000 So she said one year.

01:23:47.000 So she's going low.

01:23:48.000 God, these people keep coming out of the woodwork.

01:23:51.000 Because I've been confident Trump was going to win, which he did for many years.

01:23:57.000 And Sherrod Small texted me the other day and he goes, so how are we going to do this?

01:24:02.000 Venmo?

01:24:02.000 And I go, oh, fuck.

01:24:04.000 What did we agree on again?

01:24:06.000 And he goes, hundo.

01:24:08.000 And he goes, and I'm donating it to Black Lives Matter.

01:24:12.000 And I was like, wow, that really doubles the sting, dude.

01:24:17.000 So I just Venmoed him 100 fucking bucks.

01:24:22.000 And my bartender, Jimmy, I bet him a beer in 2016 that Trump would win.

01:24:30.000 And that was the one where I was about to burn down the entire bar and his family if he refused.

01:24:36.000 it's hard to explain why.

01:24:37.000 There's certain things with dudes where you're like, that's the hill to die on.

01:24:41.000 And Jimmy not paying me my beer was like, I couldn't even think, I couldn't think straight.

01:24:47.000 My rage was so intense.

01:24:49.000 You could punch me in the face on the street and I'd be like, you're a dick.

01:24:53.000 But not buying me that beer after I won the bet.

01:24:57.000 But yeah, so I won a beer from him in 2016.

01:25:00.000 It was one of the most delicious beers I've ever had.

01:25:02.000 And he's about to enjoy a beer from me, motherfucker.

01:25:07.000 All right, what else do we got?

01:25:10.000 We have Ben.

01:25:13.000 Ben.

01:25:14.000 Gavin.

01:25:15.000 Yo.

01:25:16.000 Ryan.

01:25:16.000 Yes.

01:25:17.000 First time caller.

01:25:19.000 Long time listener.

01:25:23.000 First time to the Gavman and the fag president. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Elect.

01:25:32.000 Erect.

01:25:33.000 Gav.

01:25:35.000 I have a quick question for you because you're not associated with the Proud Boys anymore, but you are a professional.

01:25:46.000 Is there anything that can get you expelled from the Proud Boys?

01:25:50.000 Are there mortal sins?

01:25:54.000 Of course.

01:25:55.000 Nazi shit.

01:25:56.000 Zeke Heiling, yelling the N-word at strangers at a meetup or anywhere, going to Charlottesville.

01:26:03.000 There's a million different things.

01:26:07.000 Okay.

01:26:08.000 How about a guy that wastes a chick's time, like who pretends that he wants to wipe her and just wastes her time?

01:26:17.000 No, that's very poor form, and I wish there was more stigma on such behavior, but no.

01:26:23.000 That would be brought up in our Sharia courts at meetups.

01:26:27.000 I don't want to give too much away about our meetups, but that would be brought up in our Sharia courts.

01:26:32.000 It's frowned upon, and that should definitely be some consternation and maybe a tisk-tisk.

01:26:38.000 But no, it's not necessarily a violation of the rules.

01:26:43.000 Why?

01:26:45.000 Okay.

01:26:45.000 All right, bye.

01:26:46.000 Thanks for calling.

01:26:47.000 I was just wondering.

01:26:49.000 Look at this shit.

01:26:52.000 This is weird.

01:26:53.000 What's weird?

01:26:55.000 Ever since, I mean, the other day, because we looked this up on the show, it's even purple to show that I've clicked it.

01:27:03.000 The tenants, Proud Boys, Googleable, type it in, you find it.

01:27:07.000 You click the link, it goes there.

01:27:08.000 Now it goes to the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

01:27:13.000 You can't even type in, yeah, proudboysusa.com.

01:27:17.000 USA.com goes to St. Jude's where you could donate.

01:27:21.000 ProudboysUSA.com goes to St. Jude's?

01:27:24.000 Correct.

01:27:25.000 Huh.

01:27:26.000 Since a couple of days ago.

01:27:28.000 Okay, good.

01:27:29.000 St. Jude's can get some money.

01:27:31.000 What about the tenants, though?

01:27:35.000 I mean, we've told the truth a hundred times.

01:27:37.000 No one gives a shit.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:27:40.000 Bulkum.

01:27:42.000 Christian.

01:27:45.000 Hey, what's up, Ryan?

01:27:47.000 Hello.

01:27:49.000 Hey, Gavin, so you're sitting there concerned about why Julian Assange didn't get his pardon.

01:27:58.000 Pretty much what happened was that McConnell turned around and held it over his head with impeachment.

01:28:06.000 And even if he is a civilian after leaving the presidency, he loses his secret service if they decide to impeach him.

01:28:18.000 Big deal.

01:28:18.000 Trump can afford security, no problem.

01:28:23.000 Yeah, but it's the security for his family and everybody else in his cabinet.

01:28:27.000 No, he doesn't get security for everyone in his cabinet.

01:28:31.000 It's just him and his immediate family.

01:28:33.000 For him.

01:28:34.000 And he can afford that, no problem.

01:28:38.000 Yeah, it's still a bullshit deal, and they held that hanging fruit over his head.

01:28:44.000 Yeah, but dude, let me repeat myself.

01:28:47.000 Trump doesn't give a shit about Secret Service.

01:28:51.000 He's got money.

01:28:53.000 Your theory doesn't hold up.

01:28:54.000 Yeah, but that was the first time.

01:28:56.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:28:59.000 See, that's the problem with young people is someone brings up something that shatters their argument and they don't go, oh, shit, yeah, good point. 1.00

01:29:09.000 They go, yeah, but that's the beginning.

01:29:15.000 Trump is fucking rich.

01:29:17.000 He doesn't give a shit about post-presidency perks.

01:29:23.000 Let's see.

01:29:24.000 Emmanuel isn't aligned.

01:29:28.000 Hello.

01:29:29.000 Hello.

01:29:32.000 So my question is, do you think American exceptionalism is dead?

01:29:38.000 You don't have to do Morse code and speak.

01:29:40.000 You're masturbating into the microphone?

01:29:45.000 No.

01:29:46.000 Do you think American exceptionalism is dead?

01:29:52.000 That's a good question.

01:29:57.000 In many ways, yes.

01:29:59.000 I think that we had our kick at the can.

01:30:01.000 We had our chance to drain the swamp.

01:30:04.000 And we lost.

01:30:05.000 They didn't give it up without a fight.

01:30:08.000 Of course, it's still in our hearts as freedom-loving Westerners, but this could be the end of America.

01:30:17.000 This could be the end of what makes us special.

01:30:21.000 I think this was a real fork in the road, and America chose the wrong route.

01:30:28.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:30:29.000 But I feel like.

01:30:31.000 I like this hanging up on people.

01:30:33.000 You do.

01:30:34.000 I can tell.

01:30:35.000 Look at this bitch. 1.00

01:30:37.000 This is the poet laureate.

01:30:40.000 Look how creepy this shit is.

01:30:42.000 Keep abortion legal. 0.94

01:30:44.000 And what is that baby?

01:30:46.000 Is that a baby?

01:30:47.000 Or is it like a little woman? 0.95

01:30:48.000 Is that a dwarf? 0.79

01:30:50.000 What the fuck?

01:30:51.000 And then there's a training in the middle.

01:30:52.000 I don't know.

01:30:53.000 And when I see young women really worried about abortion, I just think sluts. 1.00

01:30:56.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 So you want to kill, but you want to make baby kill. 1.00

01:30:59.000 Oh, okay, cool.

01:31:00.000 Like, that's just so dark.

01:31:02.000 Casey is on the line.

01:31:05.000 Casey, motherfucking Jones.

01:31:07.000 Sorry.

01:31:09.000 What's up, Kuyons? 1.00

01:31:11.000 What's up, dude?

01:31:15.000 So, dude, if I gotta hear about your fucking eye bags again, I think I'm gonna unsubscribe because, I mean, no one really gives a fuck.

01:31:25.000 Okay, I'll officially stop talking about it.

01:31:28.000 We don't give a damn.

01:31:30.000 Please, dude, like, please.

01:31:35.000 Okay, done, dude.

01:31:36.000 Anyway.

01:31:38.000 Yep, go ahead and go on to another call.

01:31:40.000 Thanks for calling it.

01:31:42.000 I don't like the buttons.

01:31:44.000 It just frustrates me because they don't like it.

01:31:46.000 You're doing it again.

01:31:48.000 It wasn't even 10 seconds.

01:31:51.000 All right, I'll drop it.

01:31:52.000 I'll never mention it again.

01:31:53.000 Is there anything weird about the camera that picks up that in real life it doesn't for you, though?

01:31:57.000 Just on a side note.

01:32:00.000 Well, I think it's the reflection of the black lens.

01:32:02.000 You're doing it again.

01:32:03.000 It was a test.

01:32:04.000 You failed it.

01:32:06.000 I'm just trying to keep you there.

01:32:07.000 Keep you in the pocket.

01:32:09.000 Josh is on the line.

01:32:12.000 Hey, what's up, boys?

01:32:13.000 Hey, so real quick, I just came across this quote today.

01:32:17.000 It says, if you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.

01:32:22.000 What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

01:32:25.000 So it just had me thinking about how there's such a genuine hatred towards Trump.

01:32:30.000 And if we think that quote is true, what is it that you think that these people who hate Trump hate about themselves?

01:32:38.000 Because it's that, you know, everything we like about Trump, they hate.

01:32:41.000 Everything they hate about Trump, we like.

01:32:44.000 So I was just wondering if you think that quote's true.

01:32:46.000 I have a theory.

01:32:47.000 If you think that that assessment is accurate.

01:32:50.000 I've been saying that for many years.

01:32:52.000 My old boss, Marcus, said that when I was like 22.

01:32:55.000 And it's so true.

01:32:57.000 When you get really frustrated at something or someone, it's because they share a trait you hate.

01:33:02.000 And you don't really lose your temper the way you lose your temper when you fuck up, when you blow something really important.

01:33:09.000 It's a different kind of rage than when like Ryan fucks up, which is a hundred times a day.

01:33:15.000 Mike! 0.69

01:33:16.000 So what do they hate about Trump?

01:33:18.000 Do they hate about themselves?

01:33:19.000 They are racist.

01:33:21.000 You know, I was looking at Amber Tamlin.

01:33:23.000 She used to be a friend of mine because she's David Cross's wife.

01:33:25.000 And I was looking at her Twitter feed the other day.

01:33:28.000 I don't know why.

01:33:29.000 And it's all black women, black women, black women. 0.99

01:33:33.000 I knew her for years.

01:33:34.000 There was no black woman within a thousand miles of her. 1.00

01:33:37.000 These elitist, rich white people hate that they don't have black friends.

01:33:43.000 So they make Trump a racist, and he doesn't have enough black friends.

01:33:48.000 It's all projecting.

01:33:50.000 They hate that they're classist.

01:33:52.000 They hate that they're separated from the rest of the world.

01:33:54.000 So they call everyone else fucking disgusting KKK people.

01:33:59.000 And it's ironic because as they're doing it, they're being classist.

01:34:03.000 Like when they pretend everyone's in the Klan, they're really saying rednecks are garbage, which is a classist thing.

01:34:09.000 So they hate their own elitism.

01:34:12.000 And they hate that they haven't experienced anything or met anyone.

01:34:16.000 Like when NYU took over the Kimmel building in, it was probably like 10 years ago now or something.

01:34:25.000 But they had this bizarre list of demands.

01:34:28.000 They took over the cafeteria.

01:34:29.000 And one of their demands was free tuition for Palestinian students.

01:34:35.000 What they really meant was, I want Palestinian friends.

01:34:39.000 I don't even know what a fucking Palestinian is. 1.00

01:34:42.000 And I wish one of them was in my speed dial.

01:34:45.000 They might as well have said free tuition for Rastafarians. 0.98

01:34:49.000 So they hate Trump.

01:34:51.000 That's what they hate about themselves.

01:34:55.000 The fact that they're the bourgeoisie.

01:34:58.000 Next call.

01:35:01.000 Mikey.

01:35:08.000 Hey, what's up, Geto?

01:35:09.000 What's up, Russia?

01:35:10.000 Mikey! 0.65

01:35:14.000 I just wanted to mention that we're all praying for Biggs.

01:35:18.000 You know, if there's any way we can help him, hopefully there's a way we can help him that it comes to fruition.

01:35:24.000 But I just wanted to talk about, Gavin, you said you're a Catholic, right?

01:35:28.000 Yep.

01:35:30.000 I think this is a serious thing, not trolling or anything.

01:35:34.000 This Joe Biden becoming president, I was seeing on its Catholic Connect on Instagram.

01:35:40.000 It's a site where different Catholics from everywhere communicate.

01:35:46.000 And they were talking about there was a lot of Catholic churches being built in Iraq during Trump's presidency because, you know, he either destroyed ISIS or put them into hiding.

01:35:57.000 And right now, these people, they're giving feedback.

01:36:00.000 And I can see on the comments, people are living out in that area.

01:36:03.000 And they're genuinely concerned, you know, because that can bring out the people there.

01:36:07.000 You know, that brought peace in their areas for a lot of time.

01:36:11.000 You know, so it's not like a small fry type of thing.

01:36:14.000 I know you don't really care about anything that doesn't affect the West.

01:36:17.000 No, I can't.

01:36:18.000 Hey, it's a war on Christianity with 200 Christians being killed every day in this world.

01:36:24.000 So that's a war on the Western world.

01:36:26.000 I genuinely care about that.

01:36:28.000 And you're right.

01:36:29.000 In an effort to appease, I don't know, the woke gods, they pretend that Islam isn't a threat to the West. 1.00

01:36:34.000 And that, in turn, justifies all this murder of Christians. 1.00

01:36:39.000 Hundreds a day.

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:44.000 Well, thank you guys for your time.

01:36:46.000 Thanks, buddy.

01:36:46.000 Thanks for calling.

01:36:48.000 Bye.

01:36:48.000 God bless.

01:36:49.000 Thank you.

01:36:50.000 And yeah, our prayers are with bigs.

01:36:53.000 I mean, it's frustrating, but I don't know.

01:36:57.000 It's the craziest thing with these arrests because they go, half the people I talk to say, eh, it's just misdemeanors.

01:37:03.000 It's criminal trespassing.

01:37:04.000 Don't worry about it.

01:37:05.000 And those are cops.

01:37:06.000 And I got to say, I love cops, but a lot of the times cops will tell me something with authority and then I'll look it up and it's not even close to true.

01:37:15.000 And then other people, like the newspapers, which are equally unreliable, are like, no, it's 20 years or whatever.

01:37:24.000 Ashley.

01:37:28.000 Ashley.

01:37:29.000 Ashley.

01:37:30.000 Hi.

01:37:36.000 Heavy breeze.

01:37:37.000 Is that you snoring?

01:37:40.000 You gotta lie on your back if you want to stop snoring.

01:37:47.000 Really sleeping, huh?

01:37:48.000 What is she on heroin? 1.00

01:37:51.000 All right, next caller.

01:37:52.000 Ashley, Joshua, something?

01:37:53.000 Nope.

01:37:56.000 All right.

01:37:58.000 Michelle.

01:38:02.000 Hello?

01:38:03.000 Hello?

01:38:05.000 Hello.

01:38:07.000 Ryan, first of all, you look much better with your hair slicked back.

01:38:10.000 And Gavin, I'm going to help you.

01:38:14.000 I'm going to help you with the eye bags.

01:38:16.000 Okay.

01:38:17.000 Uh-oh.

01:38:19.000 Okay.

01:38:19.000 Your glasses are too heavy and they're making your, you know, making you have bags under your eyes.

01:38:27.000 And they will also cause dark circles, too.

01:38:31.000 Do you mean literally, or just the way it looks?

01:38:37.000 Literally, your glasses are too heavy and they're causing the bags under your eyes.

01:38:43.000 Because you said at home, you know, they'll go away for a while and you're probably not wearing your glasses.

01:38:50.000 Hmm.

01:38:51.000 Okay, good tip.

01:38:54.000 It is a good tip, and it'll work.

01:38:57.000 It'll help you.

01:38:57.000 Thanks for the hands, too.

01:38:59.000 All right.

01:38:59.000 Thanks for calling, babe.

01:39:02.000 I don't know if you guys are really there yet.

01:39:05.000 I think we're there.

01:39:06.000 You guys are there.

01:39:09.000 Well, that was Michelle. 0.99

01:39:10.000 This is Michael.

01:39:12.000 Michael, you're on the line.

01:39:15.000 Hello.

01:39:16.000 Hey, guys.

01:39:17.000 Hey, what do you mean?

01:39:17.000 Hey, you.

01:39:20.000 So I wanted to call.

01:39:22.000 I've been listening to you.

01:39:25.000 Some guy named Doug Snapel and Bill Whittle, conservative commentary guys.

01:39:29.000 Oh, Bill Whittle's.

01:39:30.000 And yeah, I was wondering what your thoughts are on those guys, because after Trump kind of announced, kind of hinted that he was going to start a new party, and everybody's kind of formulating ideas of what to do next.

01:39:45.000 Well, the new party thing seems like just a gift to the right.

01:39:49.000 I mean, the left, does it not?

01:39:50.000 I mean, you've fractured everything now.

01:39:54.000 I don't see how that could work.

01:39:57.000 But what did interest me was his talk of a new network, a big media company.

01:40:04.000 That's a lot more effective and interesting.

01:40:07.000 But I don't know if I see him bothering.

01:40:10.000 You know, it's very likely he just says, fuck this.

01:40:13.000 I had a good run.

01:40:13.000 Bye.

01:40:16.000 Yeah.

01:40:17.000 All right.

01:40:18.000 Thanks for calling.

01:40:19.000 Yeah, I think the three-party thing is a bad idea.

01:40:22.000 I come from Canada where we have four parties and nothing gets done.

01:40:26.000 So there is my second drawing.

01:40:30.000 That's just a guy smoking a cigarette with our motto.

01:40:33.000 And then this was my first drawing, and it's me holding Trump's head just like Kathy Lee Gifford.

01:40:41.000 Kathy Griffin.

01:40:42.000 Kathy Griffin.

01:40:42.000 Or Griffin.

01:40:47.000 Joey.

01:40:49.000 What's up, dog?

01:40:54.000 Hello?

01:40:56.000 Hey, Joey.

01:40:59.000 All right, next caller.

01:41:02.000 Oh, wait.

01:41:03.000 What was that?

01:41:03.000 Whoa, circumcision.

01:41:05.000 Yeah, I want to know the thoughts on circumcision.

01:41:08.000 I think you're covering your phone, sir.

01:41:10.000 You're covering the mic or something.

01:41:12.000 There you go.

01:41:13.000 Can you hear me better now?

01:41:14.000 Yes, much better.

01:41:16.000 Okay, so about to be a dad, and I'm wondering what your thoughts are on circumcision and if there's any kind of issue with cleaning or whatever.

01:41:26.000 So wanting to get your take as a dad and having a wanky wiener.

01:41:32.000 Don't cut your kid's dick off.

01:41:35.000 That shouldn't be a challenging thing.

01:41:38.000 That shouldn't be controversial.

01:41:39.000 It may have had an argument way back when we didn't have wet wipes and showers, but it's really fucking painful.

01:41:46.000 It's astronomically cruel and it serves no benefit.

01:41:51.000 You probably have to wash your dick 20% more often if you have a foreskin than if you don't.

01:41:57.000 Big fucking deal.

01:41:59.000 And here's the thing to tell, because young guys go, oh, but my dick looks weird.

01:42:03.000 It does.

01:42:04.000 My dick looks like an elephant trunk right now.

01:42:08.000 And that's not as pretty as a mushroom Darth Vader penis.

01:42:11.000 But when you're with a lady and you're a young man, you're so fucking horny that for the first like five years of a woman seeing your penis, it's erect.

01:42:23.000 And when it's erect, the foreskin recedes and you can't tell the difference.

01:42:26.000 So don't worry about the aesthetics because women don't see flaccid penises until you're like bored of them, which takes a good decade, actually. 1.00

01:42:37.000 So don't circumcise your child.

01:42:40.000 Washing your penis is not rocket science. 0.80

01:42:43.000 And it's, you know, sex feels better.

01:42:46.000 There's more nerve endings.

01:42:48.000 It's just healthier and more normal.

01:42:51.000 It's how it was designed.

01:42:53.000 Like, why are we cutting off earlobes?

01:42:56.000 The why of things.

01:42:58.000 Okay, awesome.

01:42:59.000 Is there any kind of religious thing around it?

01:43:01.000 I know you're Catholic.

01:43:02.000 I'm Catholic.

01:43:03.000 I don't know what your thoughts are on that.

01:43:06.000 I think that Jews do it, Muslims do it.

01:43:08.000 I don't think Christians have it in the Bible per se.

01:43:11.000 But the reason it's popular in America is because Dr. Joseph Kellogg of Kellogg's Cornflakes decided that young men were masturbating too much, and he wanted to make dicks feel less good.

01:43:24.000 So he took on the Jewish and Muslim tradition and enforced it on America. 0.99

01:43:30.000 You don't see it in Canada.

01:43:32.000 You don't see it in Britain.

01:43:34.000 You don't see it in a lot of normal Western countries.

01:43:37.000 But Dr. Joseph Kellogg made it big here.

01:43:39.000 And the only argument I get from men, like my fellow dads, is they go, well, I want his dick to look like mine.

01:43:46.000 And to that, I would say, for what?

01:43:47.000 The penis photo shoots you guys are doing together?

01:43:51.000 What?

01:43:53.000 Who cares?

01:43:55.000 We're not twinning.

01:43:56.000 Yeah, me and my son's penis aren't big bros.

01:44:00.000 They don't really hang.

01:44:03.000 How could you guys be related?

01:44:04.000 Your guys' dicks are different.

01:44:05.000 Yeah, we don't get laughed at at the nudist colony.

01:44:08.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:44:12.000 We just protected an unborn child's penis. 0.96

01:44:15.000 We just saved a dick.

01:44:16.000 Which, by the way, is going to kill Andrew Yang.

01:44:19.000 There's no way he's going to become mayor of New York by being anti-circumcision.

01:44:24.000 Chachi. 0.85

01:44:27.000 Hey, Rhenobs. 1.00

01:44:28.000 Yo, dude.

01:44:29.000 That's boner spelled backwards if you remember the 80s.

01:44:31.000 And yeah, Decedin is something that I used to put on my nose when I lived in San Diego because remember zinc oxide back in the day, Gavin?

01:44:37.000 Oh, yeah, that was a good look.

01:44:40.000 That's Decedin. 0.79

01:44:41.000 Oh.

01:44:42.000 Yeah.

01:44:42.000 Oh, that's what that is.

01:44:43.000 It's that baby.

01:44:44.000 It's that baby stuff.

01:44:45.000 Yeah.

01:44:46.000 They just started putting color in it, that's all, because I used to wear it because I went to the pool every day until my hair turned green.

01:44:51.000 Nice.

01:44:52.000 That is kind of a look.

01:44:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:53.000 And don't worry about your eyeballs because Ryan was touching his hair again yesterday on the show.

01:44:59.000 Every time he got on the camera, he'd start playing with his hair again.

01:45:04.000 So he can't give you any crap about your eyeballs and all that systems.

01:45:09.000 I sent you guys a quick email.

01:45:10.000 If you check it out on Chachi, and I'm going to get to that at the very end.

01:45:13.000 Trump derangement systems because all those politicians were in fear that they were going to get called out, just like the Q people. 1.00

01:45:18.000 The Q people is not a conspiracy.

01:45:20.000 Those people, pretty much, what they did is they did deep dives that the regular media, they followed Solomon, they followed Sarah Carter, all that good stuff.

01:45:28.000 Next, Trump does have a problem because these politicians now can go after his money, Gavin.

01:45:36.000 They can seize things.

01:45:37.000 They can go after him the same way they've screwed with Roger Stone and all your other boys.

01:45:45.000 He's not above the law.

01:45:46.000 Justin Roberts is a piece of shit because he was with the upstream.

01:45:50.000 Key adopted kids to him.

01:45:53.000 Catholicism is a fear-mongering political system. 1.00

01:45:56.000 Let's look from the vestiges of Rome.

01:45:57.000 If you want a relationship with God, just grab a Bible and talk straight to him.

01:46:00.000 You don't need all the bomb circumstance.

01:46:02.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:46:04.000 What's your email?

01:46:05.000 One last thing.

01:46:06.000 You really crammed a lot in there, right?

01:46:07.000 Let's take the next call.

01:46:10.000 Let's take the next call.

01:46:11.000 When I say thanks for calling, that's the death knell.

01:46:15.000 Your email is kaput.

01:46:19.000 Unless you make it chachy.

01:46:22.000 Justin.

01:46:27.000 Justin.

01:46:27.000 Hey, guys.

01:46:28.000 Hey, dude.

01:46:30.000 Hey, real quick, that McDonald's lady, yo, she sounds like that other Drop You Guys do with the guy in the wheelchair, like, oh, I just want to get along with the dreads. 0.99

01:46:40.000 I think it's some like Portland or something.

01:46:42.000 I'm beyond angry.

01:46:44.000 The beyond angry guy?

01:46:46.000 Yeah, yeah, I'm beyond angry.

01:46:49.000 Yeah, she has a, I think she was born with a speech impediment because she has a strangely white Midwestern accent that's a weird affectation. 1.00

01:47:01.000 But yeah, when she was talking, all I could think of was that one drop, like, I'm sure angry.

01:47:05.000 But the reason for my call, I'm going to assume, did you listen to Howard this week?

01:47:10.000 Yep.

01:47:12.000 What did you think about Dr. Agus?

01:47:16.000 I like Dr. Agus.

01:47:18.000 I got to say, the guy's obviously a fucking genius, but I think that Howard likes him because he justifies Howard's paranoia and his agoraphobia and makes Howard feel better about not going out.

01:47:31.000 But have you noticed how adamant Howard Stern is about the vaccine and how everyone has to get it, except no one ever says, when are you getting it, Howard?

01:47:45.000 Yeah, and he was kind of like dancing around it this week, like, oh, maybe I should get it, I think, but definitely not Beth.

01:47:54.000 You know, because I'm older than her and I probably knew it before her.

01:47:58.000 Yeah, why shouldn't Beth get it? 0.66

01:48:02.000 Well, I don't know if you remember from last week, but remember he was like, oh, all of Beth's friends are saying that I'm trapping her in the house.

01:48:10.000 But he keeps talking about it.

01:48:11.000 And he doesn't usually talk about his personal life.

01:48:14.000 But he's like, it seems like the vaccine is his worst nightmare because then the illusion breaks because now he's got to leave the basement and actually maybe do some work.

01:48:23.000 Yeah, today he was all about how Biden is going to let medicine take over and we're all going to get the vaccine.

01:48:29.000 Meanwhile, you're like, Trump got the vaccine in record time and Cuomo and all these liberal politicians stopped it getting to the people.

01:48:38.000 But yeah, okay, Biden is going to make everything okay.

01:48:43.000 And with that, they're already, I saw something on Twitter, they're already like, oh, whoa, whoa, we didn't know that the situation was this bad, so we might not be able to deliver on quite everything that Biden said he was going to do.

01:48:55.000 So it's like they're already moving the goalposts on the vaccine and the virus.

01:48:59.000 And after almost a year of the basement bunker podcasts from the Stern show, it's going to be really interesting to see how Howard spins this since he's been like such a shill for Biden for months and months and months.

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:15.000 Yeah.

01:49:16.000 All right.

01:49:16.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:49:20.000 I have to admit, part of me, with all the terror that these fucking lunatics have imposed on me and my family and my friends and getting everyone doxed and fired and all these innocent people having their lives flushed down the toilet, I have to admit that part of me is going,

01:49:40.000 are you going to fucking leave us alone now? 0.98

01:49:42.000 Like, are you going to relax?

01:49:44.000 Are you going to stop screaming?

01:49:46.000 Are you going to stop terrorizing conservatives now that you won?

01:49:50.000 Like, imagine a screaming brat, spoiled rich girl. 1.00

01:49:55.000 And she finally gets the convertible, the pink BMW convertible she asked for.

01:50:00.000 Okay, are you going to shut up for at least like a month now?

01:50:04.000 I think that's why a lot of people elected Obama because they said, I'm sick of hearing about race.

01:50:09.000 It's been 50 years since Martin Luther King was killed.

01:50:12.000 I'll give you a presidency.

01:50:14.000 And I think we should be good then.

01:50:16.000 I think we should stop hearing about how racist we are.

01:50:19.000 And no.

01:50:30.000 I forgot what that was, but I like it.

01:50:32.000 That's a guy who teaches you to have a life force.

01:50:36.000 And you can build a force field around yourself.

01:50:39.000 So he showed that woman how to have a magical life force.

01:50:42.000 He said, Watch this.

01:50:43.000 I'll try to run into you and I won't hit you because I'll bounce off your life force.

01:50:48.000 And then he fucking knocked her out. 1.00

01:50:50.000 How did that go?

01:50:50.000 Yeah.

01:50:54.000 She wasn't doing it right.

01:50:56.000 And so yeah, you're not doing it right.

01:50:57.000 I'm guarantee you she fucked it up.

01:50:59.000 I didn't believe enough.

01:51:01.000 How funny would that be where you ram into a woman and then you say you did her? 0.99

01:51:06.000 What the fuck?

01:51:06.000 Why didn't you listen to me?

01:51:07.000 Yeah.

01:51:08.000 And now she has to feel bad about it.

01:51:10.000 You're right.

01:51:11.000 Are we going to try it again?

01:51:12.000 Come on.

01:51:13.000 Get up.

01:51:14.000 Let's do 10 more.

01:51:15.000 Ryan's pet is what it says.

01:51:19.000 Oh, hey, it says Ryan's pay, but if he's $12,000 in debt, what is Gavin paying him?

01:51:30.000 Not $12,000 in subscribing.

01:51:34.000 If there's 15,000 subscribers at 10 a month, you should be making $1.8 million a year.

01:51:40.000 So $22,000.

01:51:43.000 I mean, not Ryan.

01:51:45.000 Not Ryan, but, you know, I mean, can we spare Ryan a few extra dollars?

01:51:50.000 Ryan makes well over the national average, but he spends money on like Crocs, guitar pedals.

01:51:57.000 He puts no money away.

01:51:59.000 He has no interest in paying off his debt.

01:52:04.000 I've been shipping it off.

01:52:05.000 Bullshit.

01:52:06.000 I don't believe you.

01:52:07.000 It's true.

01:52:07.000 I've been watching.

01:52:08.000 Okay, when'd you last pay off?

01:52:10.000 When'd you last donate to your debt?

01:52:15.000 I think I have an automated thing, but...

01:52:17.000 Who set it up?

01:52:19.000 I did.

01:52:23.000 To be honest, I think it's...

01:52:26.000 I mean, the joke's going to go away, but it's almost paid off.

01:52:30.000 It was through this, like, somebody bought the debt, like, some third-party company.

01:52:34.000 Yeah, I tried to set that up a million years ago, and you blew it.

01:52:38.000 And so it's basically...

01:52:40.000 I remember that.

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:44.000 The joke's pretty much done.

01:52:45.000 So what's it down to now?

01:52:47.000 I think it's a couple hundred away and then I'm done.

01:52:51.000 Also, myself.

01:52:52.000 What?

01:52:53.000 This is bullshit.

01:52:54.000 No clue.

01:52:55.000 $200 away from paying off your debt.

01:52:59.000 Yeah, and then also my ex's phone is going to be paid off soon, too.

01:53:06.000 So I don't...

01:53:06.000 Yeah.

01:53:07.000 That's going to be completely done, too.

01:53:08.000 So I'm doing pretty good.

01:53:09.000 I got a couple of thousand saved.

01:53:11.000 But nobody likes to hear that because it's not fun.

01:53:14.000 But yeah, I'm doing pretty good.

01:53:15.000 No, I don't believe you, Ryan.

01:53:17.000 Thanks for calling, by the way.

01:53:18.000 You out of your 12,000, you...

01:53:22.000 It was never 12,000.

01:53:23.000 Yes, it was.

01:53:24.000 It was 9,000 or 10,000.

01:53:27.000 Okay, let's see.

01:53:27.000 Or maybe it was 12 because I had a credit card open or something like that.

01:53:31.000 But I think you bumped it to 12.

01:53:34.000 It was always like around 10.

01:53:35.000 Let's be generous.

01:53:36.000 Let's go down to 10.

01:53:37.000 Plus an active credit card or something.

01:53:39.000 So it was 10, and you've now just fastidiously paid off $11,800.

01:53:47.000 Sorry, $9,800 from your paycheck you've just been paying off.

01:53:51.000 There's nothing fastidious about it, but...

01:53:54.000 Yes, there is.

01:53:55.000 No, you just sign it up so that way they just take, they just take.

01:53:58.000 And how much do they take?

01:54:00.000 Like $100 every whatever, like every two weeks or something.

01:54:04.000 $100 every two weeks.

01:54:06.000 Okay.

01:54:07.000 So there's a third-party company.

01:54:09.000 How old?

01:54:10.000 This company's about a year old.

01:54:12.000 But then I've paid $100.

01:54:14.000 $100 every two weeks.

01:54:15.000 But I've also paid good chunks.

01:54:17.000 I do not believe.

01:54:18.000 So maybe not a couple hundred, but I have to check.

01:54:20.000 I'm not logged in because I got a new phone since then, since having that account, but it's like not AdSense.

01:54:26.000 It's like some third-party shit.

01:54:29.000 Let me just tell you my gut, folks.

01:54:31.000 I know this guy.

01:54:32.000 Could be four grand.

01:54:33.000 Could be a sign-up thing.

01:54:36.000 If he signed up for a thing that takes from his paycheck, it probably takes $200 per paycheck, right?

01:54:42.000 So that is $400 a month.

01:54:44.000 We have been around for not that long.

01:54:48.000 So $400 a month, let's say we've been around for 16 months.

01:54:52.000 But I've still been paid since we worked at CRV.

01:54:54.000 16 months times 400 equals 5,600.

01:54:58.000 I've been paid since working at CRTV.

01:55:02.000 There was never a lapse in my payment because we were doing stuff behind the scenes.

01:55:07.000 So it's not just, it's over two years.

01:55:13.000 Ryan's right, Gavin's wrong.

01:55:15.000 No, that's.

01:55:18.000 Look at this.

01:55:19.000 This is the text you get from cops.

01:55:21.000 What the hell?

01:55:22.000 I see a beautiful lady here naked in the shower. 1.00

01:55:24.000 I don't want to see what's going to happen next.

01:55:26.000 I guarantee you, it's going to go to a dead body on the road or a penis or someone covered in diarrhea.

01:55:38.000 NSFW.

01:55:39.000 I have a would you rather very attractive lady. 1.00

01:55:42.000 She's got a thong. 1.00

01:55:44.000 She's shampooing her hair.

01:55:45.000 The odds of her having a penis are... 1.00

01:55:47.000 Yeah.

01:55:50.000 Okay, wait, hold on a second.

01:55:51.000 Would you rather be in the room while two guys boned, like you're in a small room, while two guys bone for 30 minutes?

01:55:59.000 Like your bedroom.

01:56:00.000 Or, yeah.

01:56:01.000 Or, but preferably not my bedroom.

01:56:03.000 Thank you.

01:56:04.000 And because it'll be stinky and gay in there. 1.00

01:56:08.000 Or see a dead body.

01:56:09.000 Be in a room with a dead body, like pretty decomposing for like five minutes.

01:56:15.000 It stinks.

01:56:15.000 It'll be a pretty good one.

01:56:16.000 And it stinks bad.

01:56:17.000 And you'll remember it forever.

01:56:19.000 But the guys are going at it.

01:56:21.000 They're doing everything that you could do to another gay body. 1.00

01:56:24.000 And it stinks.

01:56:25.000 Those two things are equally gross.

01:56:27.000 I know.

01:56:28.000 And what if it looks like that's like they're looking at you?

01:56:30.000 The Illuminati.

01:56:31.000 Ooh.

01:56:32.000 That could be a shirt.

01:56:34.000 No.

01:56:38.000 This is the drawing I like best today.

01:56:41.000 That's awesome.

01:56:47.000 This one's easy for me.

01:56:49.000 What would you do?

01:56:50.000 Gay all the way. 0.98

01:56:51.000 I heard there's something that physically changes in your brain when you see carnage.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, like I know that gays exist.

01:56:58.000 I know gays have sex. 1.00

01:57:00.000 Actually, you know what?

01:57:01.000 We've all seen gay porn. 0.75

01:57:03.000 Yeah.

01:57:03.000 It's just like that.

01:57:06.000 And you go, when you see it, you're like, oh, Jesus Lord.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, cops send it to you every day.

01:57:11.000 Yeah.

01:57:12.000 And when a cop send me a gay porn, I just go, oh, for fuck's sake.

01:57:15.000 But when I see like worms in the ear, I go, oh, Jesus Christ.

01:57:21.000 Yeah.

01:57:21.000 And then for the next like hour, I'm going, yep.

01:57:25.000 So I know from my own experience on the internet, I find death more disturbing than gays. 1.00

01:57:30.000 So I'll go with the gays. 1.00

01:57:31.000 And the smell of death is probably not good.

01:57:34.000 Okay.

01:57:35.000 Next one.

01:57:36.000 Let's get the next call.

01:57:37.000 Last one.

01:57:38.000 Steve.

01:57:38.000 Lucky Steve.

01:57:40.000 Last call.

01:57:41.000 Last call for alcohol.

01:57:45.000 So yesterday I was hanging out with a friend and just talking about today's young men and what they're into.

01:57:54.000 So I went out with my friend and we smoked a blunt and then went back to his place.

01:57:58.000 And when I got there, fucking roommates were watching The Bachelor.

01:58:03.000 Oh my gosh.

01:58:04.000 And it was possibly the gayest shit I've ever walked into. 1.00

01:58:09.000 I found it interesting, though, because you get to hear what these women think are problems in their lives. 1.00

01:58:14.000 And it's just absolutely hilarious.

01:58:16.000 And the guy's a complete tool.

01:58:17.000 Oh, so you sat down and enjoyed it?

01:58:22.000 Okay, maybe a little bit.

01:58:24.000 But nothing.

01:58:25.000 This show sucks.

01:58:26.000 I mean, like, Taylor's totally not going with Jared, who loves her a lot.

01:58:30.000 And the fucking show sucks.

01:58:32.000 Sorry, dude.

01:58:33.000 You walked into that trap.

01:58:34.000 Thanks for calling.

01:58:36.000 Get fired.

01:58:37.000 Get in trouble.

01:58:38.000 Be brave.

01:58:39.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 21, 2021

GOML LIVE #82 - INAUGURATED

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