Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #99 - AFRICAN JAZZ

00:00:04.000 Milk and milkies comments and milk wagons and all of that.

00:00:21.000 Let me make it big, yellow bits of time.

00:00:25.000 Your pops very big, get your pops up.

00:00:28.000 In plenty of walk, let's go.

00:00:31.000 Let's have touchy touch pop up.

00:00:41.000 Hello?

00:00:43.000 What was that?

00:00:43.000 That was just sort of a meme song where they are mocking, I guess, those Indian dudes who get on social media and say, Let me see your bobs.

00:00:54.000 Can you open up your cloth?

00:00:55.000 That's the chick from those commercials. 1.00

00:00:58.000 You know, we had the same manager for a while.

00:01:00.000 I recognize her.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, she's like the commercial chick with the huge bobs. 1.00

00:01:07.000 Any app is a dating app if you're Indian, buddy. 1.00

00:01:10.000 Send me neck to pick.

00:01:12.000 Bitch design. 1.00

00:01:13.000 Neck to pick.

00:01:14.000 Your bobs are very big. 0.98

00:01:21.000 You know, I heard what they do?

00:01:23.000 It's called Romeo calling.

00:01:26.000 Where they just open up the yellow pages and they just call a female name.

00:01:30.000 They're like, hello, would you like to have sex with me? 0.96

00:01:33.000 And how?

00:01:34.000 I guess they have phone sex.

00:01:35.000 You know, they have so much time.

00:01:37.000 I bet what they do is they just call.

00:01:39.000 Whoa.

00:01:41.000 Is that a Romeo dial?

00:01:42.000 Hello, who is this?

00:01:44.000 This is a free call from Linda Sex.

00:01:48.000 An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.

00:01:53.000 This call is not private.

00:01:54.000 It will be recorded and may be monitored.

00:01:56.000 If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.

00:02:03.000 To accept this free call, press.

00:02:05.000 One, to refuse this free call.

00:02:07.000 Thank you for using Securis.

00:02:09.000 You may start the conversation now.

00:02:12.000 Hey.

00:02:13.000 Hello.

00:02:13.000 How you doing, Mercedes?

00:02:15.000 I'm doing great.

00:02:17.000 How are you, Gavin?

00:02:18.000 Good.

00:02:18.000 You're live on the air.

00:02:20.000 I am live on the air.

00:02:22.000 Well, thank you.

00:02:23.000 So you're talking to 25,000 people right now.

00:02:28.000 Well, hello, 25,000 people.

00:02:31.000 Is there a particular message you want to say to them all?

00:02:34.000 Well, I love all of you.

00:02:37.000 That's pretty simple.

00:02:39.000 I miss all of you.

00:02:41.000 Any progress on your case?

00:02:45.000 Oh, I'm just sitting here rotting in jail.

00:02:48.000 And the courts haven't quite reopened.

00:02:51.000 And it's amazing the head games that they play out here in this district.

00:02:58.000 My DA has the nerve to say that it's my responsibility to throw her a deal.

00:03:05.000 Yeah.

00:03:07.000 Yeah, this is what San Bernardino County does.

00:03:09.000 Wait, I don't get it.

00:03:11.000 It's your responsibility to throw her a deal.

00:03:14.000 Yes, yes.

00:03:14.000 And it better be in the high double digits.

00:03:17.000 Otherwise, you know, she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.

00:03:22.000 So she wants you to come up with your own plea deal, and it should be to the tune of like, what, double digits, like 99 years?

00:03:31.000 Yeah, and if not, then she's going to make sure that this trial is very hard on me.

00:03:36.000 So there was a covert threat wrapped up in this.

00:03:40.000 Yeah, this is what I'm dealing with out here.

00:03:42.000 And I told you the story about Melinda Thomas.

00:03:44.000 They sentenced her to 18 years on the charge.

00:03:46.000 They should have been an 18-month thing.

00:03:48.000 This is what I'm dealing with out here in San Francisco County.

00:03:51.000 It's nuts, you guys.

00:03:52.000 Well, I don't think it's just San Bernardino County.

00:03:54.000 It seems to be the American justice system these days.

00:03:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:58.000 We're in, you know, people talk about, you know, how could the Nazis have done this?

00:04:03.000 Or how could people have gotten away with this in Soviet Russia?

00:04:06.000 We're in it, people.

00:04:07.000 I'm a canary in a coal mine.

00:04:08.000 I'm telling you guys, you know, I go to court and some of these cops, they look at me and they go, oh, gosh, we know you don't belong here.

00:04:15.000 And I think to myself, what, you guys are doing this to me.

00:04:18.000 Yeah.

00:04:18.000 You know, we had a caller the other day who said women don't belong in the military and they sentenced him to 46 days of hard labor.

00:04:26.000 And I just realized that's a gulag.

00:04:28.000 That's what a gulag is.

00:04:30.000 Yes.

00:04:31.000 Well, we're in it right now.

00:04:32.000 You know, when I talk to these cops, and a lot of these cops know I shouldn't be here.

00:04:35.000 And I go, well, you guys are doing this to me.

00:04:37.000 So every single one of you who knows I shouldn't be here, and yet you're doing this to me, I mean, you guys have to understand, they put me in chains, like medieval chains.

00:04:45.000 I mean, like Jeffrey Dahmer spells chains every time they transport me to court.

00:04:51.000 I have one set of clothing all week.

00:04:53.000 I have been waging a mini war all week long.

00:04:56.000 They gave me a blanket that's stained with some other woman's menstrual blood. 0.99

00:04:59.000 Oh, this thing is a hazmat.

00:05:01.000 Yeah.

00:05:02.000 And I've been having to wage a war all week just for the last week to just try to get a different blanket.

00:05:07.000 I mean, this thing should have been in a haz-mat.

00:05:09.000 This is insane.

00:05:10.000 Bags.

00:05:11.000 Mercedes, I can't hear you very well because you're on speakerphone in order for everyone else to hear, but I got to get back to the show.

00:05:18.000 Okay.

00:05:18.000 Love you guys.

00:05:19.000 I love you all.

00:05:21.000 Write me letters.

00:05:22.000 Make sure they're in clean envelopes.

00:05:24.000 We just put your address up on the screen.

00:05:27.000 Okay.

00:05:27.000 Love you.

00:05:28.000 Bye.

00:05:29.000 Bye.

00:05:31.000 That's Mercedes Carrera, porn star who is MAGA, who has, I believe, has been framed with some crazy pedophile charge. 1.00

00:05:41.000 I do think it's likely there was guns and meth in the same place, which is part of her charges, but I do not believe she molested her daughter.

00:05:51.000 You're innocent until proven guilty.

00:05:53.000 Anyway, that was a kooky call to get.

00:05:55.000 We have fish tacos here that Ryan made at home and brought into the studio.

00:06:00.000 Aya-yaye! 0.97

00:06:02.000 And I caught them.

00:06:04.000 That's right.

00:06:05.000 It feels good to catch your dinner.

00:06:07.000 There's something sort of primal about it.

00:06:09.000 So let's test it out, shall we?

00:06:15.000 I should put on some fishing all day today off the coast of Long Island.

00:06:20.000 Taco music.

00:06:23.000 This is really good.

00:06:25.000 Right?

00:06:26.000 What's the white stuff?

00:06:26.000 That better not be cum.

00:06:28.000 It's cum.

00:06:29.000 Ryan!

00:06:30.000 Not again, right?

00:06:32.000 No, it's creme.

00:06:36.000 What's that?

00:06:37.000 Just like a Mexican sour creme.

00:06:40.000 Hmm.

00:06:43.000 It's really good, but you can't really go wrong with beer batters, right?

00:06:48.000 I use the king of all beer batters.

00:06:51.000 What's that?

00:06:52.000 Butter barger.

00:06:54.000 Oh.

00:06:56.000 Hmm.

00:06:58.000 Gardens with a little bit of radish on there?

00:07:04.000 This doesn't make for very good radio.

00:07:11.000 No, I'm going to go in.

00:07:12.000 Don't do that.

00:07:15.000 I sent some pictures of the fish trip today.

00:07:17.000 This is black people's food.

00:07:19.000 I was fishing off the coast of Long Island and there's boats that have been rented.

00:07:24.000 I think it was $45 for four hours.

00:07:28.000 They take you out in these big party boats.

00:07:29.000 They give you a rod.

00:07:30.000 And the beauty of this fish, Porgy, oh, I should have played Georgie Porgy.

00:07:36.000 I love you, Porgy.

00:07:38.000 Don't let him take it.

00:07:39.000 Is that Nina Simone?

00:07:42.000 And the beauty of Porgy's is there's no real limit.

00:07:46.000 Like you can have 40.

00:07:47.000 Now, they're not a very meaty fish.

00:07:49.000 I'll show you the batter.

00:07:51.000 I'll show you my prize.

00:07:53.000 And that was six, 10 to 11 inches.

00:07:57.000 When I say an 11 inch, I mean like from the lips to the very, very end of the tail.

00:08:02.000 So what these black guys do is they catch them all, then they just descale them, chop the head off, and fry all of that. 1.00

00:08:10.000 And then they pick away at it.

00:08:12.000 And this guy was explaining to me.

00:08:13.000 He's like, excuse the imminent racism, but this is cops in the Bronx.

00:08:18.000 There's something about black people, they like picking at stuff. 1.00

00:08:21.000 He wasn't trying to be offensive.

00:08:23.000 He was being nice.

00:08:25.000 And he's like, they love chicken.

00:08:28.000 I don't like that.

00:08:29.000 I like getting it.

00:08:30.000 I like steak.

00:08:30.000 I like when you get the food and it's there.

00:08:33.000 But they like picking away at stuff.

00:08:36.000 Like this, I had to have it filleted.

00:08:41.000 And then he took the spines out.

00:08:42.000 Like, go back to that video you were going to show.

00:08:45.000 You see how little meat you get.

00:08:48.000 Don't let him handle me.

00:08:51.000 Yeah.

00:08:54.000 We let him handle you, okay?

00:08:55.000 I mean, it's nothing.

00:08:58.000 And that still has to be de-skinned, that piece he just took off. 0.77

00:09:02.000 And then it still has to get de-boned, like the spine part taken out.

00:09:07.000 So black people just have the whole bottom half of that. 1.00

00:09:11.000 And then I guess with the knife, you pick away the meat from the bones.

00:09:17.000 Hey, we're all different.

00:09:18.000 Different cultural tendencies.

00:09:22.000 But yeah, I did that all day today.

00:09:24.000 Boy, it was fun.

00:09:25.000 You have a sinker with a worm, and we had this worm with pincers on it, and we had blood worms too.

00:09:31.000 And then a clam.

00:09:34.000 Guess how much a little container of clam bait was?

00:09:39.000 Four bucks.

00:09:40.000 $13.

00:09:41.000 Jeez.

00:09:43.000 That's a robin fish.

00:09:44.000 Most fishermen just kill those because they don't have any natural predators.

00:09:48.000 They're too spiky.

00:09:50.000 And so they just eat all the babies and they ruin fishing for everyone.

00:09:53.000 So you catch that, you open up his guts and you throw him back in.

00:09:59.000 What else do you got there?

00:10:00.000 It's a big fin.

00:10:02.000 Do they breach the water?

00:10:03.000 That's what I asked.

00:10:04.000 I go, do those fly?

00:10:05.000 He said, no, they don't fucking fly.

00:10:07.000 I was like, well, I don't know.

00:10:11.000 What else do you got there?

00:10:13.000 I've got mine.

00:10:14.000 Come on, fun day.

00:10:15.000 See.

00:10:18.000 Someday I know he's coming.

00:10:22.000 This is Barry Beckett, my fishing buddy.

00:10:25.000 So he bleeds them first.

00:10:27.000 So we keep them in that little well so they stay fresh.

00:10:30.000 Then we get to our destination to whatever you call them.

00:10:37.000 Stab them?

00:10:38.000 What do you call it when you get the meat off?

00:10:40.000 Phileum?

00:10:41.000 Or there's a better word for them, I'm sure.

00:10:43.000 I forgot it.

00:10:44.000 Anyway, you bleed them out, and that makes it better.

00:10:47.000 So you let them swim around there in the blood for a bit.

00:10:50.000 They don't really die.

00:10:53.000 Hey, jihadists, if you're out there trying to convert fish and you want to smite E above their necks, that's not going to kill them.

00:11:02.000 Keep going.

00:11:03.000 It does hurt, though, right?

00:11:05.000 This poor guy?

00:11:06.000 Sure, it's wildly uncomfortable.

00:11:09.000 Keep showing fishing picks, fuck lips. 0.99

00:11:12.000 I keep opening this up and...

00:11:14.000 Well, you learn to work preview.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, previews can be a bitch sometimes. 0.93

00:11:19.000 All right, so we got those.

00:11:21.000 Yep.

00:11:23.000 We got those.

00:11:24.000 And you just drag them onto the app.

00:11:28.000 There we go.

00:11:29.000 That's his boat.

00:11:30.000 You know these boats that you see, these wheeler boats, they're like used.

00:11:34.000 They can be 90 grand.

00:11:36.000 Oof.

00:11:38.000 That's fucking expensive.

00:11:39.000 What's a little blue thing there?

00:11:41.000 That's just for your drink and then some brick-a-brac, like a lure or something like that.

00:11:47.000 Keep going.

00:11:49.000 Okay, Ryan, come on, dude.

00:11:51.000 We can see your whole background there.

00:11:54.000 What are you doing?

00:11:56.000 Every time I try to open it, it doesn't work.

00:11:58.000 Same thing last time.

00:11:58.000 Remember last time?

00:12:00.000 Well, figure out a way to do it where it's not annoying to everyone in the world.

00:12:07.000 There's a crab?

00:12:09.000 You should have seen his weird little face.

00:12:10.000 Zoom in on him?

00:12:12.000 Not Barry, but the crab.

00:12:17.000 Oh, that's me.

00:12:20.000 Look at that.

00:12:21.000 He's got a weird little...

00:12:22.000 You can't really see it there, but he's got a weird little beak.

00:12:24.000 A snout.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, he's got a tiny little mouth.

00:12:28.000 That seems like a shitty design.

00:12:30.000 I think God sometimes looks at some of his work and just goes...

00:12:34.000 That one sucks.

00:12:36.000 Is it an edible fish?

00:12:38.000 A crab?

00:12:39.000 I don't think so, no.

00:12:41.000 There he is again.

00:12:42.000 Let's speed this up, please.

00:12:44.000 A little slideshow.

00:12:46.000 Now you're showing everyone all the pictures.

00:12:51.000 Come on, we're killing the momentum.

00:12:52.000 That's either a flounder or a fluke.

00:12:57.000 I'm not sure which.

00:12:58.000 Those have to be like 13 inches before you can keep them.

00:13:01.000 Next.

00:13:02.000 Keep both eyes on one side.

00:13:04.000 Thanks, Ryan.

00:13:06.000 We've already seen that.

00:13:10.000 We've seen that.

00:13:13.000 So that's what I got from six 10 inchers.

00:13:18.000 And then show the pile of beer-battered shit that you had on your stove.

00:13:26.000 You sent that to me, right?

00:13:27.000 Yeah, I emailed it to you.

00:13:29.000 Okay.

00:13:30.000 So I brought it all over to Ryan's, and they said, I'm going into the studio, meet me later, and bring tacos.

00:13:38.000 We will warm them up at the studio.

00:13:41.000 And that's what we did.

00:13:44.000 And yeah.

00:13:46.000 I don't think I have that one.

00:13:48.000 I think I sent it to you very recently.

00:13:52.000 It would be in your recent sends.

00:13:54.000 Sometimes I accidentally send these to myself, though.

00:13:57.000 The last one I got was the compound boss's tweet.

00:14:01.000 Okay.

00:14:01.000 No, it was before that, for sure.

00:14:07.000 Tweet, tweet.

00:14:08.000 I'm sending to you now.

00:14:09.000 It's called beer.

00:14:10.000 Gotcha.

00:14:13.000 But yeah, it turned out delicious.

00:14:15.000 It came out real good.

00:14:17.000 Then you have...

00:14:18.000 Now, I'm dubious if beer-battered anything.

00:14:20.000 Like, couldn't this be beer-battered dog shit and we'd be talking about how yummy it is?

00:14:24.000 Possibly.

00:14:25.000 I believe the fish has a good amount of, like, innate flavor, though.

00:14:29.000 Yeah.

00:14:30.000 You could definitely tell what's just batter, what's just not.

00:14:33.000 Well, the black dudes were sure digging them. 1.00

00:14:34.000 We ended up just following their boat around.

00:14:39.000 Hmm.

00:14:41.000 Yeah, and then you got some cabbage, finely chopped, tossed in lime juice.

00:14:46.000 So how did you prepare that beer batter?

00:14:48.000 How does that work?

00:14:49.000 Explain that to the folks at home.

00:14:50.000 It's an easy little recipe there with...

00:14:53.000 Use flour, cornstarch, salt, chili powder, beer, and one egg.

00:15:00.000 And then you make the dry stuff where you just flour.

00:15:07.000 It's really just flour.

00:15:08.000 And some salt pepper.

00:15:10.000 Okay.

00:15:11.000 And then you, you know, you take them, you put them in the flour, then you put them in the batter, and then you fry them.

00:15:18.000 It's really nice.

00:15:21.000 I've never cooked a bread.

00:15:22.000 Oh, you double dip them?

00:15:23.000 No, some people like to double dip.

00:15:25.000 I don't like to double dip.

00:15:27.000 So you take the fish.

00:15:28.000 Then you get too much breading on there.

00:15:30.000 You put it in flour, you get it all floury both sides, right?

00:15:34.000 And then you submerge it in the batter.

00:15:37.000 And then you put it in the oil.

00:15:39.000 How much oil do you have?

00:15:40.000 How deep?

00:15:41.000 Like two or three inches.

00:15:42.000 Oh, really deep?

00:15:43.000 A lot of oil.

00:15:45.000 I used my cast iron skillet, and then you just let that get real hot.

00:15:50.000 Don't put more than like six pieces in there.

00:15:52.000 Otherwise, it'll cool the whole temperature down.

00:15:54.000 Oh, I see.

00:15:57.000 And then what are you going to do with that oil now?

00:15:59.000 You got to put it in a Ziploc bag when it's completely cold and you throw it away.

00:16:03.000 Oh.

00:16:05.000 This has been a long intro to get to Tactical Walls.

00:16:09.000 TacticalWalls.com, 20% off for everyone who uses a promo code Gavin.

00:16:15.000 We've been building the new studio, and I set up my Tactical Walls shelf there on the wall.

00:16:22.000 And again, the main thing they do is you can display your gun collection in a beautiful, easy-to-grab, fun way.

00:16:31.000 But they do a million different things.

00:16:32.000 The guy is a vet, very handy.

00:16:37.000 They made us that cool shelf that I put up in the new studio.

00:16:41.000 Places to hide your gun equipment in cool secret spots.

00:16:47.000 They also do stuff just for organizing your office and organizing your bike, your sports equipment.

00:16:53.000 Go to the site, tacticalwalls.com, and just peruse it.

00:16:58.000 And I guarantee you, you'll see something you like 20% off.

00:17:01.000 And you're supporting patriots who support us.

00:17:03.000 Look at that.

00:17:04.000 Look at that variety.

00:17:06.000 So you're supporting someone who busts their ass, keeping America great, war vets who put their life on the line for this country.

00:17:14.000 And you're helping them develop their business and help employ Americans during the pandemic.

00:17:20.000 I mean, it's win-win-win.

00:17:22.000 I can't see a scenario where going to tacticalwalls.com and using the promo code Gavin doesn't benefit you and the country and the show.

00:17:32.000 So please do.

00:17:33.000 Also, a little note on yesterday's or last show's sponsor, Nita Fashions.

00:17:38.000 I don't think I made it clear enough.

00:17:40.000 Maybe you could put this on the screen.

00:17:43.000 They don't go around the world anymore or they won't until this pandemic ends.

00:17:47.000 So you contact them and set up an appointment.

00:17:51.000 So that's info at nitafashions.com.

00:17:57.000 No, no, that's the email address we want you to mail it to.

00:18:02.000 Info at nitafashions.com.

00:18:05.000 Maybe it's on the site.

00:18:06.000 See if you can find it under contact.

00:18:07.000 Yeah, contact does.

00:18:10.000 Sales, no, it's info we want.

00:18:14.000 So, I don't know.

00:18:16.000 Can you type that out and make it appear on the screen nice and big somehow?

00:18:19.000 Put and post.

00:18:20.000 Definitely put and post.

00:18:21.000 Okay, well, we're live now.

00:18:22.000 So just type it out in your email.

00:18:24.000 Go to your email and make an email that says info at nitafashions.com.

00:18:31.000 See, this is why I was trying to grab you well before the show started.

00:18:38.000 So you go there, you make an appointment.

00:18:40.000 All you need is a measuring, right?

00:18:45.000 You know, if you don't have that Taylor's tape that has the numbers on it, like the Taylor measuring thing in Medoodle, you could just take a string, you do the measurement, and then you go to a measuring tape and you stretch it out.

00:19:01.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:03.000 So any shoelace, you go around the neck as he tells you to, you pinch that, then you undo it, and then you lay it out on a measuring tape.

00:19:10.000 Anyway, you get all your measurements.

00:19:11.000 You get your, the range of prices is great too.

00:19:15.000 You can get a $60 shirt that fits you perfectly like pajamas.

00:19:19.000 You know how uncomfortable you are when you do the top button with your tie?

00:19:23.000 This is nothing.

00:19:24.000 If you can get your finger in there, all your suits become PJs overnight.

00:19:28.000 And that helps you in meetings.

00:19:30.000 It helps you be more successful at work because you're comfortable and you're not sitting there going, having a panic attack, dreaming of getting home and putting on your fucking sweatpants.

00:19:43.000 So we got that done.

00:19:45.000 We've featured everything about the fish.

00:19:47.000 Man, I am fucking stuffed, even from those two bites.

00:19:49.000 Oh, damn.

00:19:52.000 That's enough for Ninita Fashions. 0.98

00:19:54.000 They're doing every second week.

00:19:56.000 I think we can start the show now.

00:19:58.000 Right?

00:20:00.000 We've done some promos.

00:20:01.000 We explained why there's a plate of fish tacos on the thing.

00:20:05.000 I showed you all the pictures of the fish.

00:20:07.000 Wait, did you show the picture of me holding my fish?

00:20:09.000 No, you didn't.

00:20:10.000 No.

00:20:11.000 Dude, you got to figure out a way to fucking handle pictures.

00:20:15.000 Like, it's sub-1950s.

00:20:17.000 Wait, we did see that.

00:20:19.000 You have the picture of me holding up my...

00:20:21.000 Yeah, I remember that.

00:20:23.000 That?

00:20:23.000 Yeah.

00:20:24.000 You showed that one?

00:20:25.000 The zoom isn't right, but yes.

00:20:29.000 Well, I must have been looking down.

00:20:31.000 That's a good trick, by the way, when someone's photographing your fish.

00:20:35.000 You put it close to the camera.

00:20:37.000 You've got the face on the fish cropped.

00:20:40.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:20:42.000 He looks kind of freaked out, doesn't he?

00:20:44.000 Yeah.

00:20:45.000 Black people eat those by the dozens. 0.97

00:20:49.000 Pretty damn good.

00:20:50.000 Yeah, delicious.

00:20:51.000 The chicken of the sea.

00:20:54.000 All right.

00:20:57.000 This is a totally random thing that my buddy sent me.

00:21:01.000 And he was like, how is this hunting?

00:21:06.000 So it's an ad from some Chinese company.

00:21:09.000 It's a picture I sent you.

00:21:12.000 No, no.

00:21:14.000 Nope.

00:21:15.000 Yep.

00:21:18.000 And it's obviously, you know, foreigners doing stuff. 0.81

00:21:21.000 And they're talking about how great this flashlight is.

00:21:23.000 Lighting is kind of weird, right?

00:21:25.000 You sit on a car and you can, I guess, see the sky better.

00:21:28.000 No, you can't.

00:21:29.000 There's no flashlight that lights up the universe.

00:21:32.000 Walk, well, you mean walking, but okay, sold.

00:21:35.000 Gotcha.

00:21:36.000 Camping, that looks amazing.

00:21:38.000 The camping is really cool.

00:21:40.000 Wow, you really lit up that place.

00:21:42.000 You can set up your tent in the dark.

00:21:44.000 Expedition, that looks more like spelunking, but sure, you could argue that's an expedition. 0.93

00:21:49.000 And then fishing, sure.

00:21:51.000 You already said camping, but okay.

00:21:53.000 Reading, yep, night walk, that's similar to walking.

00:21:55.000 And then the reason I brought this to the show, to your attention, is obviously human hunting.

00:22:02.000 What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

00:22:05.000 Hunting?

00:22:06.000 What are you hunting?

00:22:08.000 What's down the stairs?

00:22:10.000 A bear?

00:22:11.000 There's no animals down there.

00:22:14.000 And he doesn't have a weapon.

00:22:17.000 So I guess he's looking for people to kill.

00:22:20.000 It's a rapist.

00:22:22.000 Raping, it should say.

00:22:24.000 This is a great raping flashlight.

00:22:26.000 Like woman pussy hunting. 1.00

00:22:28.000 I mean, what else could that be?

00:22:30.000 There's no weapon involved, and it's not a place animals go.

00:22:35.000 Anyway, cute ad for raping. 1.00

00:22:38.000 Also, so this is the new thing at the beginning of the show.

00:22:41.000 It's just random clown world news and silly things I've noticed on the World Wide Web.

00:22:50.000 Justin Trudeau, this is one too, has a shitty HP computer.

00:22:56.000 He probably has to use it because everyone in the government uses it and they have protocol.

00:23:00.000 But it's not cool, an HP or whatever it is, a Google Chrome pad or some shit.

00:23:05.000 But maybe you need all the different ports.

00:23:07.000 I don't have notes.

00:23:09.000 What?

00:23:09.000 You didn't get the notes?

00:23:13.000 Well, when you said you didn't have the opening song, I assumed that you had the notes, but you couldn't find the opening song.

00:23:20.000 Okay.

00:23:21.000 Well, this is a problem.

00:23:23.000 It's in the scent?

00:23:25.000 No, it was never sent.

00:23:28.000 So here's me making a mistake now.

00:23:31.000 The flashlight would have come in handy for this.

00:23:33.000 Although you could have said, hey, I didn't get the notes for today's show.

00:23:37.000 Sometimes live we don't do notes.

00:23:38.000 That's why I was like, oh, we're going noteless.

00:23:41.000 So we've got to wonder if it's not.

00:23:42.000 So what he does is he puts, try to just get to the picture next time and not show everyone the whole process.

00:23:52.000 You get me?

00:23:53.000 Like, even that's TMI.

00:23:56.000 But you can tell by the number of ports on the side that it's not any kind of MacBook.

00:24:04.000 They never have fucking ports, which is a very annoying feature.

00:24:07.000 I can't believe they do that.

00:24:08.000 I don't know why the fuck they do that.

00:24:10.000 Is that cool?

00:24:12.000 And so he sticks a fucking Apple sticker on it.

00:24:15.000 And you can see the HP through the Apple.

00:24:17.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:21.000 What an imbecile.

00:24:23.000 Why would you do that?

00:24:26.000 Like, I can see doing that if you're 12 and you live in a trailer park and you're embarrassed that you're poor and all the kids have apples and you don't want to be known as the poor kid.

00:24:35.000 So you put a stick around, but you're going to get made fun of.

00:24:38.000 You know what that reminds me?

00:24:39.000 Jump ahead to 1-7.

00:24:42.000 Remember the commercial that was big?

00:24:43.000 I think it's gone viral since I saw you last, but he swirls around and someone asks him about Israel.

00:24:50.000 And he says, yeah, you can ask that question if I can run you over first.

00:24:57.000 And then he goes, I'm just kidding, just kidding.

00:24:59.000 Which, of course, no matter what Trump had said, if he made that joke, we wouldn't be hearing the end of it for about a week.

00:25:06.000 But someone pointed this out.

00:25:08.000 He's not driving.

00:25:13.000 Can he drive?

00:25:14.000 Fake election, fake news, and now fake driving.

00:25:18.000 And click on the next one because you can see they show, look.

00:25:23.000 Oh, there he is.

00:25:28.000 What the fuck?

00:25:30.000 We have a president who's running the free world.

00:25:34.000 He is the head of the most powerful machine on earth, America.

00:25:40.000 And he can't drive a fucking car in an empty parking lot.

00:25:44.000 That's pretty symbolic.

00:25:45.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:25:47.000 He's playing the passenger, but in the driver's seat.

00:25:50.000 What is that stupid car?

00:25:51.000 I don't fucking know.

00:25:52.000 What is that dumb paint job?

00:25:54.000 Looks like that Zambian car that that kid made. 0.99

00:25:56.000 It looks like a bad guy from Batman.

00:25:59.000 Is that Carmen?

00:26:02.000 Get it out of here.

00:26:03.000 Stupid paint.

00:26:04.000 I drink a car.

00:26:07.000 The President of the United States.

00:26:13.000 Here's a funny story.

00:26:18.000 Today I learned that a man is suing a TIL.

00:26:22.000 I asked Ryan what TIL is.

00:26:24.000 He didn't know.

00:26:24.000 Correct.

00:26:25.000 He's supposed to be Grunge.

00:26:27.000 He's supposed to be a young man.

00:26:29.000 In young vernacular, TIL is today I learned a Virginia man sued himself for $5 million, claiming that he violated his own civil rights by committing crimes and being sent to prison.

00:26:40.000 He asked the state to pay the $5 million on his behalf since he was a ward of the state.

00:26:48.000 Dude, if that works, that is pretty awesome.

00:26:51.000 Isn't it?

00:26:53.000 Is there more to it than that?

00:26:58.000 No, it looks like not.

00:27:02.000 Okay, so what's the Reddit?

00:27:03.000 What's the link?

00:27:05.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:27:07.000 Auto-litigation.

00:27:11.000 That's the thing.

00:27:12.000 In 1995, Robert Lee Brock, a guest at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, sued himself in federal court for violating his own rights.

00:27:21.000 I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs.

00:27:25.000 Unsurprisingly, Brock turns out to be one of those inmates who files frivolous lawsuits repeatedly until a court finally tells him to cut it out.

00:27:32.000 But normally those lawsuits are aimed at a laundry list of sometimes celebrity defendants.

00:27:36.000 That's probably why the judge who dismissed this case noted that he had presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation.

00:27:43.000 The one drawback being that it was totally ludicrous.

00:27:50.000 Also very important news.

00:27:51.000 I'm sure you're familiar with fear.

00:27:57.000 Let's start a war. 0.96

00:27:58.000 Remember that guy?

00:27:59.000 They were on SNL.

00:28:00.000 John Joseph of the Cro-Mags was at that show. 0.99

00:28:03.000 I think Ian McKay from Minor Threat was there too, in the audience at SNL.

00:28:07.000 And they told them to fuck shit up and be punkers.

00:28:10.000 And they did.

00:28:11.000 They wrecked the place.

00:28:12.000 They wrecked NBC Studios.

00:28:14.000 Great time.

00:28:14.000 Li Ving was awesome.

00:28:16.000 But actually, don't show this picture.

00:28:18.000 Just look up Fear Li Ving.

00:28:21.000 Or Fear SNL would be good too.

00:28:24.000 She apparently on SNL.

00:28:28.000 That's right.

00:28:29.000 No, don't show that.

00:28:31.000 Show Fear on SNL.

00:28:33.000 It's in the icon in the top left, Ryan.

00:28:35.000 That's what I clicked.

00:28:37.000 Oh, so they just used a shitty thumbnail. 0.99

00:28:39.000 Yep, those sons of bitches. 1.00

00:28:41.000 Fuckers. 1.00

00:28:42.000 That, to me, I know this was like the 80s, I guess, but it seems to me to be very recent.

00:28:54.000 John Joseph and Ian McKay are in the audience right now.

00:29:06.000 He's trends.

00:29:13.000 Take side when there's six people.

00:29:21.000 Okay, there he is.

00:29:23.000 Rocking out.

00:29:26.000 And then I saw this picture him the other day and I went, holy shit, am I old?

00:29:30.000 Look at 1-4.

00:29:32.000 That's him today.

00:29:36.000 Pretty brutal, huh?

00:29:37.000 He's the one on the left, right?

00:29:39.000 No, the one on the right.

00:29:40.000 Ooh.

00:29:42.000 I can't even see that first guy in there.

00:29:44.000 Yes, you can.

00:29:45.000 The nose?

00:29:48.000 Whoa.

00:29:54.000 Time is officially passing.

00:29:58.000 Also, in the news, very important, I sent you a lizard pic.

00:30:02.000 And it's a lizard hanging out with a leaf.

00:30:07.000 Now, I don't know what song you hear when you see this picture, but I hear Allison.

00:30:15.000 Who does that one? 1.00

00:30:17.000 It's 1-1 in the notes.

00:30:22.000 Now, look at this picture and listen to this song.

00:30:32.000 Don't lizards have cocks? 1.00

00:30:38.000 He kind of looks like Elvis Costello.

00:30:40.000 A little bit.

00:30:45.000 How did they do that?

00:30:46.000 Is that just luck, or is that a dead lizard that someone got creative with?

00:30:52.000 Where's your dick, dude?

00:30:55.000 Maybe it unsheaths.

00:30:58.000 Don't worry, we're going to have some substance soon.

00:31:00.000 Let's jump into a TV segment.

00:31:04.000 Friends had a reunion, and Matthew Perry was drunk for it.

00:31:11.000 Oh, this is him.

00:31:12.000 He's now marketing shirts, white hoodies, based on how waisted he was.

00:31:17.000 Are they broke?

00:31:18.000 Those people?

00:31:20.000 There he is.

00:31:21.000 Could I be more me?

00:31:23.000 He's looking pretty leavingy there himself.

00:31:26.000 Somewhat turgid.

00:31:29.000 You know, that's the problem with those boozers. 0.99

00:31:31.000 We get a little flushed.

00:31:32.000 We look like Pillsbury Doughboy.

00:31:35.000 Looks like Harlan Williams.

00:31:37.000 Click on the video, though.

00:31:41.000 So jump ahead to where he's sitting there.

00:31:45.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:31:45.000 There you go.

00:31:46.000 Go back a bit.

00:31:48.000 I still reach out and touch base and have a call.

00:31:52.000 I mean, I'm speaking for myself because I'm the only one that doesn't live in California.

00:31:56.000 I live in New York.

00:31:58.000 So that's been nice.

00:32:00.000 While being a really close-knit group, we don't see each other, all six of us, a lot.

00:32:06.000 We've only been together once nine years ago.

00:32:10.000 I don't know.

00:32:11.000 A lot.

00:32:11.000 We don't see each other.

00:32:14.000 Oh, it kind of reminds me of Martin Short, where he's...

00:32:18.000 I'm not that strong of a swimmer, but that's not, that's totally different.

00:32:22.000 I don't know why it reminded me of that.

00:32:23.000 Six of us a lot.

00:32:24.000 We've only been together once.

00:32:25.000 It's just that Martin Short's characters are usually that sort of out Of it, oh my god, that just reminded me of something I got to send you.

00:32:34.000 Show him talking again and tell me that's not a Martin Short character.

00:32:37.000 We've only been together once, I believe, nine years ago, in the same room until yesterday.

00:32:47.000 Okay, we're gonna go fast.

00:32:48.000 I know this is like fast and furious.

00:32:50.000 Hey, what are you doing?

00:32:50.000 Did they not let him speak very much?

00:32:52.000 We've all struggled with different obstacles and challenges, and I think in those times, it's been nice to be able to reach out and talk about it.

00:33:05.000 Yeah, it's almost like they knew he was bombed.

00:33:07.000 Very supportive.

00:33:09.000 Very, very, very sexual.

00:33:12.000 Okay, you know what that was?

00:33:14.000 They said, so we're like siblings.

00:33:16.000 And he goes, very, very, very sexual.

00:33:20.000 You mean like siblings?

00:33:22.000 Wait, go back.

00:33:23.000 It's really honest and it's really doing, Ryan?

00:33:25.000 You're driving me crazy.

00:33:26.000 Very sexual.

00:33:27.000 Go before that.

00:33:29.000 I would assume sisters are like siblings, I would say.

00:33:33.000 Good siblings.

00:33:34.000 Very supportive.

00:33:36.000 Very, very, very sexual.

00:33:40.000 Yeah.

00:33:40.000 What is Joey now Armand or Santa?

00:33:44.000 What the fuck?

00:33:44.000 He's like an old, like, Italian Hollywood guy now?

00:33:47.000 Yeah.

00:33:50.000 Dude, talk about embarrassing.

00:33:51.000 This guy comes to my gym.

00:33:54.000 He's new.

00:33:54.000 I've told you about him before, but I just can't get over it.

00:33:57.000 He's still coming in.

00:33:59.000 First thing he does is set up the auxiliary with the Bluetooth and gets his mix on and plays himself.

00:34:07.000 Himself doing trap music.

00:34:10.000 That's awesome.

00:34:10.000 His song, his band.

00:34:12.000 And then he's sitting there skipping rope or whatever in an area, which is in the weight area, which is not where you skip rope.

00:34:18.000 And there he is just grooving to himself.

00:34:21.000 Is it good?

00:34:22.000 I don't know.

00:34:23.000 I can't tell with that shit.

00:34:25.000 Yeah, true.

00:34:26.000 It sounds like all the other stuff.

00:34:27.000 That's probably a good sign, right?

00:34:29.000 Right.

00:34:30.000 Yeah.

00:34:30.000 Let's play it safe.

00:34:32.000 You can do that once.

00:34:33.000 If you've been there for four months and your band just has a new demo, you can pop it in the cassette player and be like, hey guys, sorry to bug everyone, but check out my new songs on.

00:34:42.000 Even that's kind of whack.

00:34:44.000 Right, it is whack.

00:34:45.000 Like, I feel like I would just directly email the person and say, hey, what do you think of this track?

00:34:50.000 Is he announcing it?

00:34:50.000 Like, hey, guys, this is me, or that's what gets him pumped up.

00:34:53.000 It's for him.

00:34:55.000 I think he's just, he can't have a dad.

00:34:58.000 That's the whole origin of aren't you embarrassed?

00:35:02.000 Is these people with no dads who dads have never said, stop that, click, turn it off?

00:35:07.000 So he's just like, he's behaving the way you would behave if you were just alone on a desert island.

00:35:13.000 So yeah, it's all for him.

00:35:16.000 But if someone's impressed by it, yeah, sure, you should be.

00:35:18.000 It's really good.

00:35:19.000 But check out this thing I just sent you.

00:35:21.000 And then, you know what we'll do?

00:35:24.000 Yeah, we'll talk about TV shows and then we'll leave the free zone and get serious.

00:35:29.000 Okay, this is Ed Asner.

00:35:31.000 You're a little young to know who Ed Asner is.

00:35:33.000 He was in some Curb Your Enthusiasms, but he was in the Mary Tyler Moore show.

00:35:39.000 I think he was the editor of the newspaper she worked at.

00:35:42.000 He was a grumpy old guy, but his background is comedy, straight man kind of comedy.

00:35:46.000 It's not very funny.

00:35:48.000 This is SCTV, which was a popular Canadian sketch comedy show that would lampoon terrible entertainment.

00:35:57.000 This is real, but it is as bad as an SCTV parody.

00:36:02.000 I cannot fucking believe this exists.

00:36:03.000 This is Ed Asner doing a one-man show about his prostate cancer scare.

00:36:10.000 Take it away, Ed.

00:36:11.000 Ed Asner, in a man and his prostate.

00:36:16.000 As you have probably guessed from the title, this play concerns my prostate.

00:36:20.000 Picture me in an examination room.

00:36:23.000 Before I knew what was happening, Dr. Karini had his hand in a latex glove and one finger deep up my hand.

00:36:33.000 As to described my symptoms, I had to do so by combining English and Marcel Marceau.

00:36:41.000 To indicate that I was getting up nine times a night to take a pitch, I went...

00:36:55.000 Why couldn't he tell?

00:36:59.000 I was breaking wind in ways previously unheard of by the human ear.

00:37:06.000 There was a sonic booze, another butcher mine, an elderly Vietnamese woman slurping her noodles. 0.99

00:37:17.000 Those are fake laughter.

00:37:22.000 Look at the people in the audience.

00:37:25.000 Yeah, the audio is laughing hysterically.

00:37:40.000 Look at the one guy.

00:37:41.000 So she's amused.

00:37:44.000 He's like, what?

00:37:44.000 He doesn't know why he's there.

00:37:48.000 That guy's like, I better be fucking her tonight. 1.00

00:37:50.000 I'm going to be really mad.

00:37:51.000 She's almost best.

00:37:52.000 And then the guy in the glasses is like, I can see how that's amusing.

00:37:56.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.000 It takes some thinking.

00:38:01.000 There it is.

00:38:03.000 That's the one I was looking for.

00:38:04.000 I don't remember seeing one smile in there.

00:38:06.000 That could be.

00:38:07.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:38:08.000 Something fishy is going on here.

00:38:10.000 Because that's the same group.

00:38:13.000 And you can see at the top, it sort of peters out.

00:38:16.000 Yeah.

00:38:16.000 Wait, is that all that's going to be?

00:38:18.000 There might be 60 people there.

00:38:21.000 In total total.

00:38:22.000 And it's all his friends.

00:38:25.000 Oi Vey, what a fucking embarrassment.

00:38:27.000 This is new?

00:38:28.000 That's from last year.

00:38:30.000 Awesome.

00:38:32.000 Poor guy.

00:38:34.000 He's doing a one-man show, but he can't stand or memorize anything.

00:38:39.000 So he's just reading from some notes.

00:38:43.000 It's a book reading.

00:38:45.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.000 Nice one-man show.

00:38:52.000 Speaking of TV, I cannot get enough of my new hit show, Secrets Uncovered, on oxygen.

00:39:01.000 I mean, I've always said fiction is for fags. 1.00

00:39:04.000 You go to see these things.

00:39:05.000 I saw this one the other night called Plot Twist about this guy, drama club guy, and they find out he was using the ATM of some dead dude.

00:39:18.000 And you go, what was all that about?

00:39:20.000 Well, we didn't know he was dead at the time, and he killed his girlfriend.

00:39:26.000 And they're really long.

00:39:28.000 They can be like an hour and a half.

00:39:30.000 So they take, you got to do them in small doses, I mean, in dosages.

00:39:35.000 But you're watching and you're like, oh, I get it.

00:39:37.000 Some ex-Marine, or sorry, some Marine, no such thing as an ex-Marine.

00:39:42.000 Some Marine wanted to fuck his girlfriend. 1.00

00:39:44.000 She had broken up with him, so he killed her.

00:39:46.000 And then he went on the run.

00:39:48.000 Got it.

00:39:48.000 Okay.

00:39:49.000 Wait, we're only a third in?

00:39:51.000 Then you find out, no, some psycho drama club kid wanted his ATM card, so he killed him.

00:39:59.000 Then he killed the guy's girlfriend to make it look like the first thing I just said happened.

00:40:05.000 And he saw it off the head of the Marine and after stabbing, literally shooting him in the back of the head and cut him into pieces and then threw the pieces into various places all over town.

00:40:16.000 And you go, wow, that's not even close to what I thought at the beginning.

00:40:21.000 Then there's a third act and you find out the girlfriend, this is another great one.

00:40:28.000 I haven't seen this one.

00:40:29.000 I bet it's awesome.

00:40:30.000 The girlfriend had basically brainwashed him into murdering the guy.

00:40:33.000 This is not that, that's not the episode, but that's good too, I'm sure.

00:40:37.000 So he ends up doing life.

00:40:40.000 I think he gets the electric chair.

00:40:41.000 I'm not sure.

00:40:42.000 And then she gets 14 months for accessory to murder.

00:40:45.000 Awesome show.

00:40:46.000 I know I'm a chick.

00:40:48.000 I didn't realize chicks were watching such cool shit. 0.80

00:40:50.000 They do watch a lot of murder stuff.

00:40:52.000 They love murder stuff.

00:40:53.000 Are you just getting into this for the first time?

00:40:55.000 Yes.

00:40:55.000 Yeah, because I never liked that stuff, but I figured that comes with age, maybe.

00:40:59.000 No, I just, I just, when it's chick stuff, it's like sucking dicks. 1.00

00:41:02.000 It's not my cup of tea.

00:41:03.000 But it is murder stuff.

00:41:04.000 And I just started sucking a dick.

00:41:05.000 I went, oh my God, these are delicious.

00:41:07.000 Where have you been all my life, erect cock? 0.81

00:41:11.000 But it's true.

00:41:13.000 Now, I tell you what turns me off is that white-haired dude whose hair is like this, and he reads you a bedtime story. 1.00

00:41:21.000 And he goes, Claire didn't know if she was going to find out where her dinner was coming from.

00:41:28.000 Would it be from a friend?

00:41:30.000 Or would it be from a long-lost love?

00:41:36.000 Dude, can you just tell the fucking story and stop reading bedtime shit to me?

00:41:41.000 But he's an integral part of the show.

00:41:43.000 He's in at least, I don't know, a third of the episodes.

00:41:48.000 So that's a great show you should check out.

00:41:50.000 Then I also saw these two TLC shows.

00:41:53.000 One was Finding Sister Wives.

00:41:56.000 I'm not sure that's the exact name.

00:41:57.000 You can just look this shit up on YouTube.

00:41:59.000 I'm going to watch them on green screen because they are bizarre.

00:42:02.000 So finding sister wives, you just presume, oh, it's some weird, like, Amish, whatever, Salt Lake City, Mormon thing.

00:42:10.000 And I don't know that religion.

00:42:11.000 I don't know that culture.

00:42:12.000 But they've been doing it for generations and it's just weird and none of my beeswax.

00:42:17.000 Then you watch and you go, no, they're just normal people who want to have a ton of wives. 1.00

00:42:24.000 What?

00:42:31.000 Oh, she's trying to get citizenship. 0.99

00:42:33.000 So she'll marry them and then split. 1.00

00:42:39.000 I was going to publicize.

00:42:46.000 Eww, that kiss.

00:42:51.000 So then there's another, there's a black dude who talks about his kingdom, and he doesn't, he doesn't, he's anti-gay.

00:42:59.000 So when the girl that he's interviewing says, I'm a lesbian, I'm bisexual, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's fucked up.

00:43:06.000 What?

00:43:06.000 I assumed you were in this for the orgies, but he's not.

00:43:11.000 Dude, that whole show.

00:43:13.000 Oh, that's him.

00:43:14.000 Wait, is it?

00:43:17.000 This whole show is just a great example of how depraved we've become.

00:43:21.000 What a tangled web we weave when we try to reinvent the wheel.

00:43:26.000 Traditionalism is corny.

00:43:28.000 Marriage is gay. 0.95

00:43:30.000 I'm not doing it.

00:43:30.000 I've got a new thing.

00:43:32.000 And you go, all right, what are you doing?

00:43:33.000 What are you throwing out?

00:43:35.000 What are you replacing our society with?

00:43:38.000 And then you look at it and you go, oh my God, you're monsters.

00:43:42.000 You're disgusting, weird monsters.

00:43:45.000 Ew, look at her touching her toes. 1.00

00:44:01.000 Is that someone filming their TV?

00:44:02.000 That's unlistenable.

00:44:05.000 Okay, so that's a show we got to get deeper into, finding sister-wise, because the dudes are fucking losers.

00:44:12.000 There's this weird beta dude with a little goateen.

00:44:14.000 He wears a vest and a soft little sweatshirt.

00:44:17.000 You know those sweatshirts?

00:44:18.000 I hate these sweatshirts where the hood is all thin, like sock material.

00:44:23.000 If you don't wear a hoodie, that's because it's cold out.

00:44:25.000 So you put the big hood up and now you're warm, you're protected from the elements.

00:44:30.000 But these new hoodies where it falls on your head like Darth Vader's boss, it's infuriating.

00:44:38.000 They do suck.

00:44:39.000 What's it for?

00:44:40.000 When there's a slight breeze?

00:44:42.000 Like when it plummets from 72 degrees to 68 degrees?

00:44:46.000 Is that when you put on your little flim flam?

00:44:50.000 Okay, last show.

00:44:53.000 It's this albino adoption show.

00:44:57.000 Adopting albinism or something?

00:45:00.000 Just look up albino TLC adoption or something.

00:45:04.000 And these people adopt kids.

00:45:06.000 Great.

00:45:07.000 I think it's great that you adopt kids.

00:45:08.000 Thank you for doing that.

00:45:09.000 We don't want them in orphanages.

00:45:11.000 You provided them with a home.

00:45:12.000 You're awesome.

00:45:14.000 And then you go, wait a minute, why are you only adopting albinos?

00:45:18.000 And you think, is this like they're coming across as heroes.

00:45:22.000 Thank you so much for doing this.

00:45:26.000 Can you not find it?

00:45:30.000 Look up.

00:45:31.000 Did you type in albinism?

00:45:33.000 Yeah, that was the first one.

00:45:34.000 Adopting albinism.

00:45:36.000 Oh, true life.

00:45:37.000 I'm an albino?

00:45:38.000 No.

00:45:38.000 No, no.

00:45:39.000 It's on TLC?

00:45:40.000 I'm pretty sure it's on TLC, yeah.

00:45:43.000 I'll find it.

00:45:44.000 It's about adopting albinos.

00:45:45.000 Could it be on Netflix?

00:45:47.000 Hmm, I don't think so.

00:45:49.000 But anyway, say you have six, you adopt six kids, and they're all albinos, save one.

00:45:56.000 Like, I guess the rationale is we want them to be comfortable around other albinos.

00:46:01.000 Look, albinos, the second, say you're in a house with 100 albinos, the second you walk outside, you're a freak.

00:46:07.000 So you better get used to it, okay?

00:46:09.000 You can't go out when it's too sunny.

00:46:10.000 You're going to burn.

00:46:12.000 You look weird.

00:46:12.000 That's them.

00:46:15.000 What's their show called?

00:46:17.000 Born with Albinism. 1.00

00:46:19.000 Born with Albinism. 1.00

00:46:21.000 So it gets to the point where they're just collecting them, I think.

00:46:25.000 Whoa.

00:46:26.000 And I live.

00:46:27.000 And we're the Grabowskis.

00:46:28.000 And we collect freaks.

00:46:30.000 I can do anything more than that.

00:46:32.000 We're the Gravalskis.

00:46:34.000 We met at college.

00:46:36.000 We were good friends for about eight months.

00:46:38.000 And then we officially started dating.

00:46:41.000 And married a year later.

00:46:43.000 Yeah, the rest is history.

00:46:46.000 Making pancakes.

00:46:47.000 Making pancakes.

00:46:47.000 Very much.

00:46:48.000 Okay, so that was just...

00:46:49.000 Wait, wait, wait, stop.

00:46:51.000 What the fuck were you just doing?

00:46:52.000 That was not a pancake.

00:46:53.000 And what were you doing?

00:46:54.000 The little dance with it?

00:46:56.000 Tapping at it?

00:46:57.000 Yeah.

00:46:58.000 What is that?

00:46:59.000 Oh, she's taking an edge off to eat. 0.94

00:47:01.000 Oh.

00:47:02.000 That's her first pancake she's ever made.

00:47:04.000 That's not the physics of a pancake that I'd like to eat.

00:47:06.000 Yeah, what are you doing?

00:47:09.000 Carry much.

00:47:10.000 Okay, so that is just with buckwheat flour.

00:47:12.000 It just makes them look honey.

00:47:14.000 Okay.

00:47:16.000 Do kids like them?

00:47:17.000 Yeah, they do.

00:47:18.000 Or they've gotten used to them.

00:47:20.000 Okay.

00:47:21.000 Who puts buckwheat in your pancakes? 1.00

00:47:23.000 What a bummer.

00:47:24.000 Why don't you have a wheat chocolate bar while you're at it?

00:47:26.000 Oh, wait, sorry, go back.

00:47:28.000 So we had some kids and they died in a horrible electric flash.

00:47:33.000 We have two biological children.

00:47:35.000 Our oldest is Micah and he's 21.

00:47:38.000 And our second oldest is Alex and he is 19.

00:47:42.000 After we had both of our boys, we did try to have a girl for a while and that didn't work out.

00:47:48.000 And so she's got empty nests in adoption. 1.00

00:47:50.000 And we knew that China had so many little girls who were in orphanages.

00:47:55.000 And they told us after the paperwork was submitted that it would be six to eight months before we were matched with a little girl.

00:48:02.000 And so I dreamed of, you know, this little petite, brown-eyed, dark-haired little girl.

00:48:09.000 And I opened my inbox on my email one day and it said, we have a referral for you.

00:48:15.000 Up pops up this child with white hair and pale skin and blue eyes.

00:48:22.000 Uh-oh, no thanks.

00:48:27.000 They've just blocked them.

00:48:31.000 That's a tough sell, dude.

00:48:34.000 But I get it if they're, you know, good Christian souls and they go, okay, this guy's having trouble finding a home.

00:48:40.000 We're not assholes.

00:48:41.000 We'll take him in.

00:48:42.000 That's cool.

00:48:43.000 We advocate that.

00:48:44.000 It's when you have six more, we start getting curious.

00:48:50.000 And that wasn't the same child that I've been thinking about all this time, but we switched gears.

00:48:56.000 I mean, within moments, we're responding.

00:48:59.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:49:00.000 That's the kind of people we are.

00:49:02.000 Okay, so.

00:49:04.000 I'm not telling you to stop.

00:49:05.000 I'm telling them to stop.

00:49:06.000 Fine.

00:49:07.000 You got it.

00:49:07.000 You got a kid.

00:49:08.000 You were cool enough not to be freaked out by the albinism.

00:49:12.000 Now stop.

00:49:14.000 But no.

00:49:17.000 Okay, do you like the buckweed?

00:49:18.000 No, bino sister again. 1.00

00:49:20.000 Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?

00:49:22.000 Yeah, I said that the first time we...

00:49:24.000 Is that a dig on her? 0.99

00:49:25.000 Don't you think it's weird that they're gray and white?

00:49:28.000 Do you think it's kind of weird that they're kind of gray?

00:49:30.000 Yeah, I said that the first time we had them.

00:49:34.000 I'm Lily.

00:49:35.000 I'm 11 years old and I was the first to be adopted.

00:49:39.000 What this is a long fucking tweet.

00:49:42.000 Lily was born with albinism, which is an inherited genetic condition which causes light hair, light skin.

00:49:48.000 Yeah, we're familiar with albinos.

00:49:51.000 Albinism is an extremely rare condition that affects approximately one in 18 to 20,000 people in the world.

00:49:58.000 See, this is what I'm talking about.

00:49:59.000 This is, you know, these parents with the trans kids, where they're collecting children like action figures and putting them on a shelf?

00:50:07.000 I think there's this bizarre tendency, just like the previous show where I said what a tangled web we weave.

00:50:12.000 And then we get into this depraved, like sister-wife shit. 0.61

00:50:17.000 I think we're so okay with everything that when someone develops a bizarre compulsion to collect humans, and by the way, she dresses them in all white.

00:50:27.000 Yeah.

00:50:28.000 So she'll have, like, I don't, they probably won't show it in this clip, but she'll, there's like seven or eight of them living in her house now, and they're all in all white, top to bottom.

00:50:37.000 What the hell?

00:50:40.000 Wait, but let's see the end of that.

00:50:41.000 That was a little bit of a sink. 0.76

00:50:46.000 And it can affect anyone in the world, regardless of skin color and race.

00:50:51.000 Thanks.

00:50:54.000 Anybody up yet, besides you?

00:50:56.000 Sanctuary, I mean, like, most people are familiar with the term albino, but what they don't realize is that that term can be offensive or directly difficult to say that person.

00:51:07.000 So now she has an oppressed child.

00:51:11.000 Right.

00:51:12.000 Now she's oppressed. 1.00

00:51:13.000 Love me.

00:51:15.000 Love my person of no color that I own and I collect.

00:51:20.000 Anyway, we'll be getting deeper into that fucking bizarre show because just like that handsome dude who would interview handicapped people and he's like, I'm talking to someone today with no fucking face. 1.00

00:51:32.000 And you go, that's cool of you, I guess.

00:51:34.000 I'm assuming you have a variety of guests.

00:51:36.000 And then you notice that 100% of his guests are brutally disfigured.

00:51:43.000 And then he comes and he's the star of the show because he's so kind to speak to them.

00:51:47.000 And then he comes across a guy whose body ends here, but the guy's kind of an alpha, an alpha stub.

00:51:54.000 And he's like, so how many of these interviews do you do, man?

00:51:56.000 And how long you've been doing it for?

00:51:58.000 And the guy's like, I tend to Run the show here, and all of a sudden, he's not the super sweet guy pandering to the severely disfigured person, and he loses his identity. 0.99

00:52:09.000 And you realize this isn't about them, this is about you virtue signaling.

00:52:15.000 You fucking weirdo, you're collecting freaks.

00:52:20.000 I mean, is that what Howard Stern does with his whack pack?

00:52:23.000 How is this different from a whack pack? 0.94

00:52:26.000 This guy is like a homicidal maniac.

00:52:29.000 Not him.

00:52:31.000 He survived some horrific burn.

00:52:33.000 And look at him.

00:52:35.000 It's so cool to talk to these people like they're human.

00:52:37.000 It's hard for me to fathom that I'm this person compared to how I used to be.

00:52:43.000 And now since I've reached this level of confidence, I want to have others and help them get there.

00:52:51.000 I find joy in almost anything, and I love to make fun of people, especially myself.

00:52:58.000 Imagine he's like, okay, let's go.

00:53:00.000 Let's go, you and me.

00:53:01.000 I love to roast people who are ugly.

00:53:04.000 Here, you get me, and I'll get you one.

00:53:07.000 Well, that's a key and peel sketch, right?

00:53:08.000 Perfect hair.

00:53:09.000 Oh, you know that one where the guy's in a wheelchair in the audience?

00:53:11.000 And he goes, roast me.

00:53:12.000 And he's speaking to you.

00:53:13.000 He said, you told me to roast you.

00:53:14.000 And he's like, I thought I could handle it, but I can't.

00:53:20.000 All right, we're about to go behind the Pizay wall.

00:53:23.000 But before we go, I would like to say thank you to our oldest running sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD, constantly harassed by Antifa and the SJW freaks, the tattletale journalists who pray for our demise every day, try to hack through our servers,

00:53:39.000 try to fucking destroy this company. 0.62

00:53:41.000 It's so weird that we've been sequestered to a corner of the internet where we can't be on YouTube and we can't have social media and all that.

00:53:48.000 And we go, okay, we'll build our own thing there.

00:53:50.000 And they just keep hammering us and removing our payment processors.

00:53:54.000 We get a new payment processor.

00:53:55.000 We sue people who take our credit card info.

00:53:59.000 When Stripe tried to take our credit card info, we threatened to sue them, got it all back.

00:54:04.000 Constantly fighting for the back end, just like Crowder is with his suing YouTube.

00:54:09.000 And all of these sites have to constantly go through this.

00:54:12.000 And the other thing they do is they attack our advertisers.

00:54:15.000 So when you see Johnny Apple here for all of these years, you know that not only are they selling quality CBD, which includes isolates and wax supplements, pet-friendly CBD tincture, topicals,

00:54:30.000 cookies, the cartridges, the stem vaporizer, the gummies for sleeping.

00:54:36.000 The only thing I haven't tried is the gummies.

00:54:37.000 I'm going to start trying those because I can't seem to sleep through the night.

00:54:41.000 I keep waking up at like 4.30 thinking of the worst things in the world.

00:54:46.000 Like what if my son gets sick or something?

00:54:49.000 Do you guys get that?

00:54:50.000 Is that a normal thing?

00:54:51.000 The night terrors?

00:54:53.000 This one has nighttime gummies with combined melatonin.

00:54:57.000 So that's so precisely.

00:54:59.000 I'm going to try that and get back to you next week.

00:55:03.000 But yeah, thank you for putting up with all these assholes harassing you, johnnyapple.com.

00:55:08.000 And then people say to us, you give us confusing messages.

00:55:11.000 Is it johnnyapple.com or is it jacbd.com?

00:55:14.000 The answer is yes.

00:55:16.000 They were smart enough to get both URLs.

00:55:19.000 So when you use the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off everything at jacbd.com.

00:55:25.000 That's johnnyapple.com.

00:55:27.000 Promo code GAVIN.

00:55:28.000 Thank you to them for sticking by us all these years.

00:55:32.000 And what was I going to say?

00:55:38.000 Thanks to them for sticking by us.

00:55:40.000 They did stick by us, yes.

00:55:41.000 And oh yeah, and when you go to johnnyapple.com, you're helping to support the show.

00:55:46.000 So don't get your CBD anywhere else.

00:55:49.000 Go to tacticalwalls.com, go to NitaFashions, and go to johnnyapple.com.

00:55:56.000 Okay?

00:55:57.000 Because we need your help, too.

00:55:58.000 We need your support to keep doing this shit.

00:56:02.000 Anyway, we're now going to go through to the paywall.

00:56:04.000 We've got a few more things to discuss.

00:56:06.000 And then we're going to take some calls.

00:56:09.000 And for you folks here just getting the freebie, the weekly freebie on the podcast, we end all shows with get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

00:56:33.000 Your pops, very big, I'll kiss your pops.

00:56:37.000 In plenty of work, nice your cock up. 0.85

00:56:40.000 Let's have sexy sex pop, pop, pop, pop.

00:56:44.000 I am not doing sex with my mom.

00:56:47.000 Fuck you as I can with my cock. 1.00

00:56:51.000 I assure you can enjoy a lot.

00:56:53.000 Um I assure you can enjoy a lot.

00:56:58.000 What are these Indian guys going for? 1.00

00:57:00.000 A phone sex like Skype? 0.98

00:57:02.000 I guess.

00:57:02.000 I think just anything.

00:57:04.000 Or just suck your boobs. 1.00

00:57:06.000 Please, anything?

00:57:07.000 Help.

00:57:07.000 Like, show me a woman in the world going like how, when.

00:57:12.000 Right.

00:57:12.000 What's your name, Rajiv?

00:57:14.000 That will not be happening.

00:57:15.000 Maybe a hideous, hideous, disgusting fatty.

00:57:21.000 It's very possible, but I don't know.

00:57:24.000 So we have about an hour left of this show.

00:57:27.000 We got a lot of shit to talk about, man.

00:57:30.000 We can go chronological, but we're never going to get through it, you know?

00:57:34.000 But you know what I did when I was doing this, laying it out for you, dude?

00:57:38.000 I was putting shit I wanted to cover at the top.

00:57:42.000 So we're just going to go through it one by one here because I purposely saved the shit that I could let die to the end.

00:57:49.000 You know what I mean?

00:57:50.000 Yes.

00:57:51.000 Except for the final videos.

00:57:53.000 You know what?

00:57:53.000 Here's a fun idea.

00:57:56.000 We never show the final videos on this live show.

00:57:59.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:58:00.000 Let's just go through some final videos, shall we?

00:58:04.000 And we're going to hit the mother effing bumper.

00:58:08.000 Okay.

00:58:22.000 All you people who get freaked out by magic, you're stupid.

00:58:27.000 When you see the craziest magic trick on Earth, this should be your craziest, craziest reaction.

00:58:33.000 What?

00:58:36.000 Wait a minute.

00:58:38.000 I don't get how you pulled up the bag and there's no hole in the bottom of the desk.

00:58:45.000 That was fucking good, man.

00:58:47.000 You don't go, what that guy's magic.

00:58:52.000 Magic doesn't exist.

00:58:53.000 And if you do think the person's magic, you should be mad at them for not, you know, being in Africa and curing starving people or working for our military and like zapping bad guys.

00:59:06.000 Zapping China's navy.

00:59:09.000 Why don't we do that with your magic powers? 0.59

00:59:12.000 Anyway, this was a great trick and it was fun to watch people's reaction.

00:59:20.000 Ooh, a big jar of honey, I guess?

00:59:24.000 Wait a minute.

00:59:25.000 They're all yawning.

00:59:27.000 Wait, this is fake.

00:59:29.000 Oh, yeah, it is.

00:59:30.000 It's fake.

00:59:31.000 Because their reactions are like...

00:59:32.000 Oh, we are so not even kind of impressed.

00:59:44.000 Yeah, that is entirely fake.

00:59:46.000 Eh.

00:59:47.000 Where did you find this?

00:59:48.000 I don't know.

00:59:49.000 Fake.com?

00:59:52.000 You know what?

00:59:52.000 This is one of the very few times, not just in my life, but especially on the show, that I'm actually embarrassed.

00:59:59.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

01:00:00.000 Yeah, he just said he was.

01:00:02.000 Yeah.

01:00:02.000 Sebastian.

01:00:03.000 I feel kind of weird.

01:00:06.000 Like, vulnerable to.

01:00:08.000 I feel vulnerable right now.

01:00:09.000 You know another time I felt like this?

01:00:10.000 This was years ago.

01:00:12.000 It would be 20 years ago.

01:00:13.000 I was dating my wife.

01:00:14.000 She wasn't my wife at the time, obviously.

01:00:16.000 And a bird turted on me.

01:00:19.000 And you'd think you'd go, when you get turted on, you'd think you'd go, oh, fuck.

01:00:22.000 Yeah.

01:00:24.000 Thanks, God.

01:00:26.000 I'm like, okay, now I need a Kleenex really badly.

01:00:31.000 And it turted on me.

01:00:32.000 And it was like our fifth date or something.

01:00:35.000 And I just felt this overwhelming embarrassment.

01:00:38.000 Really?

01:00:38.000 Yeah, I was surprised by it.

01:00:40.000 But it's almost like God goes, you're a fucking.

01:00:46.000 Flicks a little turd on your jacket.

01:00:49.000 That's what I mean.

01:00:50.000 And I was, I sort of went, oh, you're a fucking...

01:00:53.000 Take my jacket off, obviously.

01:00:55.000 You know what's weird?

01:00:56.000 I remember she could sense how embarrassed I was.

01:00:58.000 And she goes, they say it's good luck.

01:01:00.000 I was like, yeah, I know.

01:01:02.000 I don't even care.

01:01:03.000 This jacket is fucking.

01:01:05.000 You know what's weird is my girlfriend just had that happen too.

01:01:08.000 Like she had, like, she's like, a little bird pooped on me. 0.64

01:01:12.000 And I felt bad for her.

01:01:13.000 I was like, ooh, that's a thing.

01:01:17.000 The story, you got the story wrong.

01:01:19.000 Well, I wasn't the person.

01:01:20.000 Some guy tied her to the bed and took a dump on her chest. 1.00

01:01:22.000 Oh, God, how could you even...

01:01:25.000 You idiots.

01:01:27.000 He calls her an idiot.

01:01:28.000 That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard.

01:01:31.000 You idiot.

01:01:33.000 What'd you do tonight?

01:01:34.000 A man defecated on my sister.

01:01:37.000 Why?

01:01:40.000 Is there an answer I could give you?

01:01:41.000 Is there any possible answer I could give?

01:01:44.000 Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?

01:01:49.000 I have to watch Moody Allen movies.

01:01:51.000 Holy crap.

01:01:51.000 You had to shit really bad.

01:01:54.000 Is he a pedophile?

01:01:55.000 What's the verdict on that?

01:01:57.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:01:58.000 I separate the man from his art.

01:02:01.000 Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.

01:02:06.000 Because Michael Jackson, I still be bopping at his tunes.

01:02:08.000 You be bopping at him?

01:02:09.000 Oh, yes.

01:02:10.000 I can't get it out of my head.

01:02:12.000 What?

01:02:13.000 Well, what we heard he did with the kids, and NSFW, you don't want to listen to this if you're sensitive.

01:02:20.000 The boys would lie on all fours, reach back, separate their butt cheeks, and he would jizz on their buttholes.

01:02:25.000 Oh, Michael Jackson?

01:02:26.000 Yeah, not Woody Allen.

01:02:27.000 Woody Allen did not.

01:02:28.000 I don't know what Woody Allen did per se, but what you can lay on your stomach.

01:02:31.000 You can't listen to eat it.

01:02:33.000 Oh, no, that was Weird Al Yankovic.

01:02:35.000 You could listen to Eat It.

01:02:36.000 I can't listen to Beat It and know that he beat it off on kids' assholes.

01:02:41.000 Right.

01:02:42.000 I tend to just, I blank that out, like a victim.

01:02:45.000 Because I feel like I'm a victim.

01:02:45.000 I'd blanked out if someone was raping you.

01:02:47.000 Right now, yeah.

01:02:48.000 Well, I consider myself a Michael Jackson victim because I didn't want him to do that.

01:02:53.000 And it makes it uncomfortable here.

01:02:54.000 You're like me with the war movie vets.

01:02:56.000 Speaking of war movie vets, check out 5-1.

01:02:59.000 This is a kid joining me in my rank as a war vet who's never been to war.

01:03:09.000 Whoa.

01:03:16.000 Boom.

01:03:18.000 Boom.

01:03:22.000 If you have little kids, you need to couch like that.

01:03:24.000 That's just a rule.

01:03:26.000 You can't have a cool mid-century modern couch.

01:03:31.000 It's got to have impact barriers.

01:03:34.000 It's got to have bumpers.

01:03:36.000 If you have a toddler in the house, you need bumpers.

01:03:39.000 This is epic.

01:03:42.000 Even the dog starts looking up in slow motion.

01:03:48.000 I sent this 5-0.

01:03:49.000 I sent this to my trainer as an idea for a thing I want to start focusing on to get my neck muscles.

01:03:56.000 I feel like my neck's not as strong as it could be.

01:04:06.000 Wait a minute.

01:04:06.000 Should I be embarrassed again?

01:04:08.000 Is he kidding?

01:04:11.000 Yes.

01:04:12.000 I think he's kidding.

01:04:13.000 I don't know, dude.

01:04:14.000 There's no one around him laughing.

01:04:15.000 And they all look Chinese. 0.95

01:04:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:19.000 This might be in China or something.

01:04:22.000 What a fucking weirdo.

01:04:24.000 I see some weird shit at the gym.

01:04:27.000 Just people, like, really trying, like, way too hard.

01:04:30.000 They're hurting themselves.

01:04:31.000 Just to look ripped, but this is new.

01:04:33.000 Is that neck muscles he's going for?

01:04:36.000 There's a similar device that you could train your neck with, but I don't think he's doing it.

01:04:39.000 Yeah, I've seen the boxers have that.

01:04:41.000 The neck flex or something.

01:04:42.000 It looks really weird.

01:04:42.000 It's only like 50 bucks.

01:04:44.000 It's worth it.

01:04:46.000 And 4-8, I have it labeled Black's Swim.

01:04:53.000 You ain't never been to the ocean, have you, girl?

01:04:55.000 No, Daddy.

01:04:56.000 I'm so glad you want me here.

01:04:58.000 Come on, I'm glistening this shit off of you. 0.95

01:05:01.000 Yeah.

01:05:03.000 They call me Michael Phelps.

01:05:04.000 Damn.

01:05:05.000 Because I'll be out here swimming.

01:05:06.000 You ain't even telling me you can swim.

01:05:08.000 Yeah, hell yeah, I can swim, daddy.

01:05:11.000 You okay?

01:05:12.000 Huh?

01:05:12.000 You okay?

01:05:14.000 Sit up.

01:05:16.000 Wait.

01:05:17.000 Fit.

01:05:18.000 Give me a floaty.

01:05:20.000 Grab the floaty.

01:05:23.000 Now I think everything's fake.

01:05:25.000 This is also fake.

01:05:26.000 Yeah, there's no way that's not fake.

01:05:29.000 You did not think that was real.

01:05:31.000 I did.

01:05:32.000 No, dude.

01:05:33.000 Here we have a new segment called Gavin Embarrasses Himself.

01:05:37.000 Why is it like five in a row?

01:05:39.000 Well, I have all these saved up.

01:05:42.000 Okay, this better be real or I'm going to kill myself.

01:05:47.000 This is the most embarrassed I've ever been on.

01:05:49.000 This show is...

01:05:50.000 What?

01:05:52.000 Yep.

01:05:53.000 If this isn't real, I'm Israel.

01:05:58.000 I'm literally shaking as I make this.

01:06:01.000 Yesterday, I DMed Bill Gates as a joke.

01:06:05.000 Obviously, everyone's doing it.

01:06:06.000 And I put it on my Instagram story, like, not expecting anything.

01:06:10.000 And literally, the next day, I get a DM from him.

01:06:16.000 He said I was on his side account.

01:06:18.000 I cropped this.

01:06:21.000 So I just woke up and I had a throttler on my bank.

01:06:29.000 And I canceled my credit card.

01:06:30.000 But the bank is saying that I'm going to be responsible for.

01:06:35.000 That's not fake.

01:06:37.000 I don't think that's fake at all.

01:06:38.000 Thank Ghazad.

01:06:40.000 But wow.

01:06:43.000 Wow.

01:06:44.000 That's pretty cool.

01:06:46.000 Let's jump to the mailbag now that we're doing everything backwards and weird.

01:06:50.000 It's the kooky episode.

01:06:55.000 Ryan, shut up.

01:06:57.000 You don't have a dad.

01:07:00.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:07:05.000 Let me touch it.

01:07:07.000 We got to find a better picture.

01:07:09.000 My fucking eyes in that picture are insane.

01:07:13.000 That's not what they look like.

01:07:15.000 That's what they will look like in 20 years.

01:07:19.000 Gavin, the top shock video sites have all suddenly shut down in the last three months.

01:07:27.000 Best Gore, Hoodsite, and LiveLeak all suddenly shut their doors.

01:07:32.000 Don't forget Shismabin. 0.98

01:07:34.000 Really?

01:07:35.000 Get ready for WorldStar to stop putting the videos of blacks behaving poorly or they will be next from Mark the Cop. 1.00

01:07:44.000 Huh.

01:07:45.000 Good point.

01:07:46.000 See what's happening here?

01:07:49.000 The truth gets in the way of the narrative.

01:07:52.000 So when they see lots of blacks behaving badly, it makes the cops look a little more sympathetic because they have to deal with this shit all the time. 0.99

01:08:01.000 And that's not conducive to the narrative.

01:08:04.000 Because the narrative is we live in a racist society.

01:08:07.000 Play that Kamala Harris thing I sent you right before the show.

01:08:12.000 Yeah, that one.

01:08:13.000 America's racist.

01:08:14.000 But after the president signs this bill today, our work will not be done.

01:08:20.000 Here is the truth.

01:08:22.000 Racism exists in America.

01:08:24.000 Against whites. 0.92

01:08:25.000 Xenophobia exists in America.

01:08:28.000 From Muslims. 1.00

01:08:29.000 Anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia.

01:08:34.000 It all exists.

01:08:36.000 And so the work to address injustice, wherever it exists, remains the work ahead.

01:08:45.000 My fellow Americans, it is my great honor to mention and to say to you what you already know.

01:08:53.000 We have a President of the United States and one Joe Biden who is committed to this work.

01:09:02.000 He is determined to, I will quote from him, give hate no safe harbor.

01:09:10.000 And I'll tell you firsthand, I've seen what you know.

01:09:14.000 His actions match his powerful words.

01:09:20.000 Wasn't that beautiful?

01:09:21.000 Dude, that has like evil villain vibe.

01:09:24.000 Don't these people understand that as we talked about in that other book, what was it called?

01:09:32.000 The Great Revolt.

01:09:33.000 The Great Revolt.

01:09:34.000 When you polled all of these middle Americans, they had two problems with the left.

01:09:40.000 The Second Amendment, and they didn't like that Obama kept going around the world saying America sucks, America's racist, we apologize.

01:09:46.000 That's what she's saying right there, that America sucks, America's racist.

01:09:50.000 You can still be a wildly left person and not be hard on guns and not say America sucks.

01:09:57.000 And that way you'll get a lot of moderates over to your side.

01:10:00.000 But they don't seem to want that.

01:10:03.000 I saw this really disturbing chart, by the way, of the election.

01:10:08.000 Yeah, look at 4-0.

01:10:12.000 This is a map of how, from our old buddy Nick Fuentez, how people voted by race and sex.

01:10:19.000 Okay?

01:10:20.000 So non-Hispanic, white. 0.99

01:10:24.000 Look at non-Hispanic white males. 0.78

01:10:26.000 It's second row middle.

01:10:28.000 America's just completely red.

01:10:31.000 It's dark red in some spots.

01:10:33.000 And then you have African Americans, male, female, doesn't matter, blue. 1.00

01:10:38.000 Hispanic has a couple of enclaves. 0.99

01:10:40.000 I assume those are Hispanics that are like second generation. 0.99

01:10:44.000 Asian, I'm surprised to see, completely blue with a few smart guys, and then other doesn't matter. 1.00

01:10:52.000 But look at that difference between black and white.

01:10:56.000 Like white males and blacks, because I was going to say black females, but it's the same for all black votes. 0.98

01:11:03.000 Just deep, dark blue.

01:11:06.000 So that means that if the election happened last year and it was the same demographics as, say, 1960, then it would be Trump, Trump, Trump forever and ever.

01:11:18.000 Which is why the left constantly panders to blacks and Hispanics because they know they're not going to get white males.

01:11:26.000 And that's why white males are considered evil in modern media because They vote wrong.

01:11:33.000 And the Dems don't like that, and the media is pro-Dem because they're rich kids.

01:11:40.000 And they never worked really.

01:11:43.000 Dear Gav and Rye guy, I just wanted to say the site is really coming along by leaps and bounds.

01:11:47.000 As you may or may not know, business is not really my thing, but I can't help but be impressed by how far the site has come in the time I've been watching.

01:11:53.000 I'm no ass kisser, but it's honestly mind-boggling that you've been able to do this with the entire system stacked against you.

01:11:58.000 I can barely fill out the fucking census form without getting frustrated and tearing the thing into pieces.

01:12:03.000 If my bank was shutting down my payment plan, I think I would lose it.

01:12:07.000 I can't even imagine how I'd react if someone was messing with my family over shit they had nothing to do with.

01:12:14.000 Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and show support.

01:12:16.000 Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

01:12:19.000 All right.

01:12:22.000 Gav, you said you liked mindless self-indulgence.

01:12:25.000 Have you ever seen the bass player?

01:12:26.000 Holy shit, check out Lindsay Way or Linz.

01:12:30.000 I was in a band in 2007 and toured with them for a month.

01:12:33.000 Not only is she super hot, she was also really cool and seemed pretty down-to-earth.

01:12:42.000 Wow.

01:12:44.000 What a fucking...

01:12:45.000 The first picture isn't very good, but that's her hair covered.

01:12:48.000 Oh my god.

01:12:51.000 That is something.

01:12:54.000 Your voice changed.

01:12:56.000 That is something.

01:12:57.000 Oh, my God.

01:12:58.000 Turn to John Hamm from Madman.

01:13:01.000 All right, this has been a real hodgepodge of a show.

01:13:04.000 Let's start taking calls.

01:13:08.000 I guess I'm scared because I know this is our last beer.

01:13:11.000 That's too scary.

01:13:15.000 You are on the air.

01:13:18.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:13:20.000 You want me to learn, Jerry?

01:13:22.000 Understand why.

01:13:23.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:13:25.000 You have one thing.

01:13:26.000 Thank you for calling.

01:13:28.000 It's great meeting from you.

01:13:30.000 All right, next call.

01:13:33.000 You know, we could also start doing the chat.

01:13:36.000 If you're interested.

01:13:36.000 You finally figured out the chat?

01:13:38.000 I'm in the chat.

01:13:39.000 It took a while.

01:13:40.000 Took a hot minute.

01:13:42.000 Does that mean it's bad software if it takes you a long time to sign up?

01:13:45.000 No, it's that I had already either created an account or somebody created one for me, but the guy who runs the thing reset the password and gave it to me.

01:13:53.000 Wait, someone else runs it?

01:13:55.000 We don't own the chat?

01:13:58.000 I think it's a mod or something that put together the rocket chat, something like that.

01:14:01.000 Did you just eat a bone?

01:14:03.000 I just bit into a stone.

01:14:05.000 It was hard?

01:14:07.000 I heard something hard.

01:14:11.000 I got a napkin.

01:14:15.000 What the hell was it?

01:14:16.000 It's like a rock.

01:14:18.000 What?

01:14:20.000 Yeah.

01:14:21.000 Maybe it was a lime vigin seed?

01:14:23.000 No.

01:14:24.000 No, no, you heard it.

01:14:25.000 Like, my tooth hurt.

01:14:27.000 Jesus.

01:14:31.000 I called my wife initially and said, I got a bunch of porgies. 0.99

01:14:38.000 I need you to start getting the beer batter ready.

01:14:40.000 And she's like, we have two baseball games and boxing tonight.

01:14:45.000 And I'm like, I'm the one taking them to boxing and just make it after the first baseball game.

01:14:50.000 And she just hangs up.

01:14:53.000 I mean, that's terrible.

01:14:54.000 Fine, my work wife will make them. 1.00

01:14:57.000 Who's that?

01:14:58.000 You.

01:14:58.000 Oh.

01:15:00.000 I now understand that it's me.

01:15:04.000 Call in.

01:15:05.000 The number 718-400-6959.

01:15:08.000 We have Vanessa Souza.

01:15:10.000 Oh, God.

01:15:10.000 Where's somebody talking about, Vanessa?

01:15:13.000 Vanessa?

01:15:17.000 Doad?

01:15:19.000 Hello?

01:15:20.000 Hello?

01:15:21.000 Hello?

01:15:23.000 Am I the first caller?

01:15:25.000 Yep, yeah.

01:15:31.000 Nice, man.

01:15:32.000 Welcome.

01:15:33.000 Congrats.

01:15:36.000 Oh, shit.

01:15:36.000 Okay, hold on.

01:15:37.000 Thanks for calling.

01:15:39.000 It was great having you on the show.

01:15:41.000 I appreciate it.

01:15:43.000 Next call.

01:15:46.000 That is so foul.

01:15:48.000 But I, yes, that was the right thing to do.

01:15:51.000 TLC.

01:15:55.000 Joshua.

01:15:56.000 Have you tried watching 90 Day Fiancé?

01:15:59.000 What show?

01:16:00.000 90 Day Fiancé, right?

01:16:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:16:05.000 We've talked about it on the show a million times.

01:16:09.000 Have you watched it?

01:16:10.000 Thanks for calling.

01:16:12.000 Thanks for calling.

01:16:14.000 How goodbye.

01:16:15.000 How could you ask us if we've seen 90 Day Fiancé?

01:16:18.000 Remember Caesar?

01:16:19.000 Yeah, that was a big deal.

01:16:20.000 Like, we've done some very serious deep dives on fucking 90 Day Fiancé, dude.

01:16:27.000 Have you seen 90 Day Fiancé?

01:16:30.000 Have you heard of the game show Survivor?

01:16:35.000 Next call.

01:16:36.000 Hey, by the way, somebody said they missed what happened with the chicken Bill Gates.

01:16:41.000 I thought it was pretty obvious, but somebody DM'd her saying that it was Bill Gates' other account, got her info, and then took money instead of giving it to her.

01:16:51.000 So she felt.

01:16:52.000 She emptied her bank account.

01:16:53.000 She gave all her credit card info because she thought she had to do that in order to get a free plane ticket. 1.00

01:16:58.000 And she's liable.

01:16:59.000 Right as it was cutting off, it said that she's liable for the expenses.

01:17:03.000 Yeah.

01:17:04.000 So that's what happened, sir.

01:17:06.000 Okay, and we got Facebook on the line.

01:17:12.000 248.

01:17:18.000 What's up?

01:17:18.000 248, you're online.

01:17:22.000 One.

01:17:24.000 Two.

01:17:27.000 Dude, hello.

01:17:30.000 Alright, thanks for calling.

01:17:31.000 You're cut off.

01:17:32.000 Dang.

01:17:32.000 Snooze, you lose.

01:17:34.000 Chaloo, you gotta snooze. 0.99

01:17:36.000 Eric.

01:17:40.000 Hi, Eric.

01:17:45.000 Now I'm starting to think.

01:17:47.000 Hello?

01:17:50.000 Can you hear me?

01:17:54.000 Ryan, we're doing something wrong.

01:17:56.000 Eric.

01:17:57.000 Check, check.

01:17:57.000 You said Eric.

01:17:58.000 Oh, okay.

01:17:58.000 It doesn't matter what your fucking name is.

01:18:00.000 What's going on?

01:18:03.000 Yeah, 248.

01:18:07.000 Oh, so yeah, no, you're supposed to.

01:18:11.000 You're supposed to answer the other one first about fake boobs. 1.00

01:18:15.000 Oh.

01:18:17.000 I was supposed to be the next one never mind so turn it down Can you hear me?

01:18:28.000 Yeah, I'm about to hang up on you actually thanks for calling your call that was great for tuning in thanks maybe don't be wasted when you call in I don't know Mercedes Hello Hello Sir just start speaking hi how's it going?

01:18:57.000 Hello have you ever used a fucking phone before?

01:24:41.000 anthony fucking didn't say on such a tv this was when uh milo was still on too oh that would really would have been kind of clutch and be like, yeah, yeah, you know, he's on Gav's network. 0.80

01:24:52.000 I do a show with him on Wednesday.

01:24:53.000 I mean, obviously, that's like the pipe dream.

01:24:56.000 That's what you're daydreaming that he's going to say that.

01:24:58.000 But I guess it really wasn't skirting it that hard.

01:25:01.000 It just, it was so close to coming up and it didn't.

01:25:04.000 That's about it.

01:25:05.000 Yeah.

01:25:06.000 It didn't seem like there was like don't mention him thing, you know?

01:25:09.000 Right, right.

01:25:10.000 And by the way, to sit here and say, I wish Joe had mentioned me or I wish, the guy did two interviews that had like 15 million hits.

01:25:20.000 So it would be fucking insane for me to sit around and go, you think Joe could fucking throw me a bone?

01:25:27.000 Yeah.

01:25:27.000 Like, I don't fault that guy at all.

01:25:32.000 Nick wants to talk about coronavirus vaccines.

01:25:37.000 Yo, dudes.

01:25:38.000 Yo.

01:25:40.000 Yo, yo, yo. 0.99

01:25:41.000 Yo.

01:25:42.000 Hello.

01:25:43.000 Hey, guys, you hear me?

01:25:44.000 Yes.

01:25:45.000 Hello.

01:25:46.000 Hello.

01:25:49.000 Hello, hello, hello.

01:25:51.000 I can't hear you.

01:25:51.000 I'm going to check.

01:25:52.000 Are you trying to give me an aneurysm?

01:25:53.000 That could be.

01:25:54.000 I hear you now.

01:25:55.000 I hear you now.

01:25:56.000 Yo, I hear you.

01:25:58.000 Okay.

01:25:59.000 Alright.

01:26:02.000 Can you hear me?

01:26:04.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:26:05.000 Okay, sorry.

01:26:07.000 That was great.

01:26:12.000 I get an idea.

01:26:12.000 Just start talking out the gate, folks.

01:26:14.000 Yeah.

01:26:15.000 We can hear you.

01:26:17.000 Alex, Army recruitment video, Godsmack as the Muse.

01:26:21.000 Don't know what that means, but that's what you said.

01:26:24.000 You're on the line, 469.

01:26:26.000 Hey, what's up?

01:26:27.000 Hey, man.

01:26:28.000 Yo, what's up?

01:26:29.000 Can you guys hear me?

01:26:30.000 Don't say that.

01:26:31.000 Just talk.

01:26:31.000 Just go.

01:26:33.000 Yep, okay, I gotcha.

01:26:34.000 So if you search on YouTube, Godsmack Navy Military Commercial from the early 2000s, it's like one of the first results.

01:26:43.000 And that's just, it's a real, you know, it's real freaky to take a look at that and juxtapose that to the shit that you're seeing nowadays.

01:26:50.000 And it's actually a pretty badass commercial, too.

01:26:52.000 It'd be good viewing.

01:26:53.000 Okay, we'll check that out.

01:26:55.000 He's right.

01:26:55.000 I remember this commercial.

01:26:56.000 This was epic.

01:26:57.000 The fucking music in it.

01:26:59.000 You know that POD song, Boom?

01:27:01.000 Yeah.

01:27:02.000 I wish they had used that in a military recruitment ad where there's a Humvee gets blown up.

01:27:07.000 I talked about this a long time ago, and there's dust everywhere.

01:27:09.000 And you go, oh my God, our guys are dead.

01:27:10.000 Joe Biggs is dead.

01:27:12.000 And then slowly out of the dust emerges like a Marine.

01:27:15.000 He's like, is that all you got?

01:27:17.000 That's pretty.

01:27:17.000 Why does he sound like that?

01:27:19.000 Is that your best?

01:27:20.000 And then the other guy comes out.

01:27:22.000 Is that all you got?

01:27:24.000 Oh, okay.

01:27:25.000 Take your best shot.

01:27:26.000 And then there's some guy who gets up off the ground from the wreckage.

01:27:28.000 Is that all you got?

01:27:30.000 And then they go scale up to this thing.

01:27:33.000 One of the guys does, he knocks out a jihadist.

01:27:35.000 He takes his RPG and he aims it at this other jihadist camp that was about to blow them up. 0.70

01:27:43.000 And he goes, and then it just goes, boom, here comes the boom.

01:27:47.000 It's pretty fucking already.

01:27:48.000 Whether you're not.

01:28:10.000 Anyway, let me edit it cooler now.

01:28:12.000 I have the whole plot in my head.

01:28:13.000 I played it up to David Cho and got him, almost got him to join the military.

01:28:16.000 Dude, that's a fucking awesome video.

01:28:19.000 That sounds like...

01:28:20.000 You got to time out all the booms and have a plot for a boom.

01:28:22.000 Because the problem is, I just told you stole an RPG and he blew up a guy, but it's boom.

01:28:26.000 Here comes the boom.

01:28:27.000 Ready or not?

01:28:29.000 How you like me now?

01:28:31.000 This one's pretty cool.

01:28:32.000 I remember this one.

01:28:44.000 Is this real?

01:28:45.000 Yeah.

01:28:45.000 I remember this coming on like an MTV and shit.

01:28:57.000 Navy.

01:28:58.000 Accelerate your life.

01:28:59.000 Fuck yeah.

01:29:00.000 1-800 USA Navy.

01:29:04.000 It all started on the beach of California where my two moms met each other and decided to adopt.

01:29:11.000 Yeah.

01:29:13.000 Things have changed, you know.

01:29:15.000 Hey, yo, time for a yo.

01:29:20.000 Angel Gonzalez talking about the vaccine.

01:29:26.000 Hey, yeah, I'm just going to make this real quick.

01:29:28.000 So I have a finance background, and I didn't really think that there'd be so much liberals in the financial industry.

01:29:37.000 And I've been applying recently to a bunch of investment banking jobs.

01:29:42.000 And I had an interview today, and they asked me if I was vaccinated.

01:29:47.000 And if not, it was actually required.

01:29:51.000 So I kind of want to know what your thoughts are on that and some advice of what I could do to avoid that.

01:29:59.000 Thank you guys.

01:30:00.000 All right.

01:30:01.000 Thanks for calling.

01:30:02.000 That's pretty insane.

01:30:03.000 You know what I realized?

01:30:04.000 I almost wavered this week and I was considering getting it because it was getting so ubiquitous that my family would be separated from me at a baseball game and there's this great family moment and I'm in the non-vac section.

01:30:15.000 But then I realized there's a billion old Puerto Ricans with flip phones and old black dudes and some fucking Slovak and some blue collar guy. 0.99

01:30:28.000 You know those guys, mechanics were like, I don't like phones.

01:30:31.000 I don't fucking to be on the New York Excelsizer thing.

01:30:37.000 Excelsior, yeah.

01:30:38.000 Excelsior, you have to have a computer.

01:30:41.000 You have to be savvy.

01:30:42.000 You have to know how to sign up.

01:30:43.000 You need a phone, like an iPhone.

01:30:44.000 You need to be able to carry your iPhone around and show people, right?

01:30:48.000 So most of that demographic, the old timers, the blue-collar old timers, they might be able to carry around a piece of paper.

01:30:56.000 So, and this is, we gotten shit for saying this about blacks, right?

01:31:00.000 Them say that if you have any kind of ID restrictions, then blacks won't be able to vote.

01:31:06.000 Okay, why doesn't that apply to this bizarre database thing you have to sign up for where you get a UPC code on your $900 phone?

01:31:14.000 That seems a lot harder to get than ID.

01:31:16.000 So I'll just be the old guy with like the without papers. 0.99

01:31:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:21.000 And I'll be like, are you vaccined?

01:31:22.000 Yes.

01:31:24.000 Okay, well, you need to be on the New York exisal saw.

01:31:27.000 And I'll be like, I have what I came to see the baseball.

01:31:35.000 Yeah, yes.

01:31:37.000 Even have a phone, just be like, all right.

01:31:38.000 What?

01:31:39.000 Just one finger?

01:31:40.000 It's on the phones?

01:31:40.000 What?

01:31:41.000 I'll be an old Jewish guy with a button nose. 0.95

01:31:43.000 What?

01:31:43.000 You're making the phone with all the...

01:31:45.000 I'm on the axlesaws.

01:31:47.000 I have axle saws.

01:31:49.000 I have saws.

01:31:50.000 Extra large saws all over the place.

01:31:52.000 Please.

01:31:54.000 No, that will surely work.

01:31:56.000 Hell yeah.

01:31:56.000 Just take a long answer.

01:31:58.000 I'm also saying they're going to get to the point where this isn't working.

01:32:02.000 So many people can't be bothered to sign up.

01:32:04.000 Like, all the yuppies, of course, do it in a second.

01:32:07.000 And they go and get it and they get on the website and they get their fucking app. 0.54

01:32:11.000 But we tend to overestimate how many people can just jump on the app.

01:32:17.000 You know what's odd that I'm going through?

01:32:19.000 So my gym just did this thing where the guy told me, he said, the owner said, if you have a vaccine, no masks.

01:32:27.000 But it's just, you don't have to show us paperwork, just word of mouth, he said.

01:32:31.000 I'm like, first of all, oral consent or like verbal consent or verbal confirmation.

01:32:36.000 The honor system.

01:32:38.000 Word of mouth would be like, did you hear Susan got a vaccine?

01:32:40.000 And then Susan does that. 1.00

01:32:42.000 So now it's weird because just like liberals don't want to seem like conservatives wearing a mask, I don't want to seem like I got vaccinated by not wearing a mask, but I'm still going to do that.

01:32:52.000 But I was struggling with that too.

01:32:53.000 I didn't want to seem like I was a vaccine taker.

01:32:56.000 Well, at least the true blue dudes will know you're either a vaccine taker or a cool liar.

01:33:02.000 Yes.

01:33:03.000 Hell yeah.

01:33:04.000 Oh, they're going to shut down the show notes because I said it's cool to lie.

01:33:07.000 Oh, fuck.

01:33:07.000 Fuck.

01:33:09.000 Somebody was asking in the chat, what do you think of Theo Vaughn?

01:33:13.000 Who's that again?

01:33:14.000 He's the guy who's like Southern Guy and he has like, you know, Tim Dylan on a lot, stuff like that.

01:33:19.000 He's got the mullet, man.

01:33:22.000 Theo Vaughn.

01:33:24.000 He's got that podcast.

01:33:26.000 Oh, I don't, I couldn't give less of a shit about him.

01:33:29.000 He's just another boring fucking LA dude, another comedian.

01:33:34.000 He's kind of based, kind of not.

01:33:36.000 Yeah, I. You could not give less of a shit about those kind of guys.

01:33:41.000 Eh, that whole LA comedy scene makes me puke.

01:33:46.000 We got a, would you like to hear, would you rather?

01:33:49.000 Sure.

01:33:50.000 Okay, Lori Lightfoot rimming you while her husband blows you or reciprocal 69 toe sucking with Melinda Gates. 1.00

01:34:00.000 I'll do it with the Melinda Gates thing.

01:34:02.000 Dude, you're not good at this.

01:34:04.000 When you add in a fag thing, it just changes everything. 1.00

01:34:07.000 So people always just go, well, whatever isn't the fag thing. 0.92

01:34:10.000 Would you like chocolate with shit on it or just a hot dog?

01:34:13.000 It's like the hot dog.

01:34:15.000 Well, like the problem with the gay shit too is you go, what? 0.95

01:34:19.000 It's just a dick for two seconds.

01:34:21.000 You can get over that.

01:34:22.000 Like people eat like work in sewers and stuff and deal with stuff, pile of tampons dipped in a dead baby.

01:34:28.000 And you go, yeah, yeah, but it's not the actual act, although I'm sure that would suck, literally.

01:34:34.000 But it's like the next time you have sex, you're like, I sucked a dick. 0.99

01:34:38.000 Right.

01:34:38.000 So it's going to bother you.

01:34:40.000 Or you see your wife sucking your dick and you're like, that's kind of like when I sucked a dick. 0.99

01:34:44.000 That's what it feels like to be on the other end of that.

01:34:46.000 Yeah, it bugs you forever.

01:34:47.000 I know exactly what she's going through.

01:34:51.000 Justin's on the line.

01:34:55.000 Hey, guys, I'll make it quick.

01:34:57.000 Yeah, so this Friday, I was out with some friends, and they work at a staffing company.

01:35:05.000 And we were all kind of like drinking and whatever.

01:35:09.000 And they told me basically, like in the most vague terms, they heard from management that when placing people in the jobs, don't give any consideration to white men, basically, and just push through women and minorities.

01:35:25.000 And the one person I was talking about, who actually happened to be a minority, kind of pushed back on that.

01:35:31.000 And then they were threatened to, quote, get in line or lose their job.

01:35:37.000 I just wanted to know what your thoughts were about that.

01:35:40.000 It's racist.

01:35:43.000 It's affirmative action. 0.77

01:35:45.000 It's fucking Soviet. 0.75

01:35:46.000 We've been Sovietized. 0.73

01:35:48.000 We had that guy on last week who had to go to a gulag.

01:35:53.000 Thanks for calling.

01:35:54.000 That's the thing.

01:35:55.000 Did I mention this yet?

01:35:56.000 The gulag?

01:35:59.000 He said, I don't, this bitch is fucking lazy. 1.00

01:36:02.000 Anonymously said, women don't belong in the military. 1.00

01:36:05.000 And then, so he criticized the establishment and then he had to do hard labor for 46 days.

01:36:11.000 That's what a gulag is.

01:36:15.000 What's that?

01:36:17.000 Doodle camp.

01:36:18.000 Oh.

01:36:19.000 I'm trying to do Groundskeeper Willie.

01:36:29.000 But the gulag thing.

01:36:32.000 So we've been Sovietized.

01:36:35.000 So we have gulags, we have censorship, we have the state deciding who gets what job.

01:36:43.000 And it's kind of worse because in the Soviet Union, it was one entity that decided all this. 0.85

01:36:49.000 Now it's this amorphous mob of critical race theory floating through the sky.

01:36:53.000 I mean, it's still Marxism, right?

01:36:55.000 Critical race theory is Marxism.

01:36:58.000 But it's gone beyond just government control.

01:37:02.000 We now have these civilians working to rat on other civilians. 1.00

01:37:06.000 It's a self-perpetuating machine.

01:37:08.000 That's the spookiest part about the whole thing.

01:37:14.000 Next.

01:37:15.000 Megan, 310.

01:37:20.000 Hello.

01:37:21.000 Hi.

01:37:23.000 Just wanted to tell you guys that you were talking about the weirdos with the dating the midget. 1.00

01:37:29.000 Have you checked out The inner able relationships on YouTube, where it's like beautiful women and they're dating like the most handicapped guys ever.

01:37:39.000 Like they're literally showering them and wiping their asses.

01:37:43.000 Yeah.

01:37:44.000 Yeah.

01:37:45.000 Well, I think we're both thinking of the same couple too when you say that, right?

01:37:49.000 Like there's that little tiny guy.

01:37:52.000 Oh, wait, here's another one.

01:37:53.000 Yeah, it's squirmy and grubbed.

01:37:57.000 Yeah, the one where he's a head and then his body is like a little kid's body and he has kind of a funny list.

01:38:04.000 Yeah, wait, you just pass it, I think.

01:38:06.000 Yeah, that one.

01:38:07.000 Spermy and grub, but it's like a rabbit hole.

01:38:10.000 If you just go into that, it's like so many and I'm like addicted and I'm like, Anthony, come here, where it's like six hours of all these videos.

01:38:18.000 Okay, we've got to green screen these because I only knew of one couple like this, but now that you're we're looking into it, they're fucking everywhere. 0.99

01:38:25.000 Why can't my friend get a date?

01:38:28.000 My able-bodied six-foot-two pal can't get anything under 300 pounds on Tinder or whatever it is.

01:38:36.000 Wait, is Tinder gay?

01:38:37.000 No, grinder's gay. 0.65

01:38:38.000 And then you look at these freaks and they're surrounded with hot chicks. 1.00

01:38:43.000 Yeah, this chick with Squirmian Grubs, she's stunning. 1.00

01:38:47.000 Like a model, and she has the most amazing body. 1.00

01:38:50.000 And I tell my husband all the time, it's wasted on him.

01:38:54.000 Squirmian Grubs. 1.00

01:38:55.000 Well, yeah, that's the one I was thinking of.

01:38:57.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:57.000 Whereas someone drew him wrong.

01:38:59.000 They drew the head too big.

01:39:00.000 That looks like, yeah, New York City caricature.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:05.000 So this guy, yeah, they're just crazy, but definitely, that's all I wanted to mention because you were been talking about it the last couple of weeks, the weird couples with their fetishes, and this is one of them that just fascinates me but grosses me out at the same time.

01:39:18.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:39:19.000 Yes, it's official.

01:39:21.000 Okay?

01:39:22.000 They're not in love.

01:39:23.000 I'm sorry.

01:39:24.000 This is depraved virtue signaling.

01:39:28.000 He's happy to get some pussy, but she is sucking his dick and whatever she does sitting on his face. 1.00

01:39:33.000 I can't see them actually.

01:39:35.000 There's a lot to sit on there.

01:39:38.000 She sits on his face and her pussy is just like in between his eyebrows. 1.00

01:39:44.000 It's like, what's that paddleboarding?

01:39:48.000 She stands on his face.

01:39:50.000 But let's listen to some of this and their cute and funny relationship.

01:39:55.000 I don't know if you needed to mention that on your video.

01:39:59.000 You were already told not to watch it.

01:40:03.000 We are not going to be held liable.

01:40:05.000 Shane is really passionate about this, if you haven't noticed.

01:40:08.000 I thought this was going to be like a 10-second word for three.

01:40:12.000 No, I don't want that.

01:40:14.000 I can now make this video and speak freely without worrying that Anna or Jack or your dad.

01:40:26.000 Yeah.

01:40:26.000 Or your anyone.

01:40:27.000 No one.

01:40:28.000 College professors.

01:40:30.000 Oh my God.

01:40:31.000 Don't watch it.

01:40:33.000 Yeah.

01:40:34.000 If you're on the border between should I watch this or should I not, don't watch it.

01:40:38.000 Don't watch it.

01:40:39.000 If you're going to talk to us about it, don't watch it.

01:40:41.000 Yep.

01:40:41.000 Try and stand like boom.

01:40:42.000 Done.

01:40:43.000 Turn it off.

01:40:43.000 Okay?

01:40:44.000 Use them on.

01:40:45.000 Moving on.

01:40:48.000 And look, and they're always so public about it, you know?

01:40:52.000 Not that the ones that aren't public wouldn't, I wouldn't know because they're not on YouTube, but look at how much she's enjoying this attention.

01:40:58.000 And look at the way she's looking at him.

01:41:01.000 In that animated GIF.

01:41:02.000 A lot of responses, a lot of questions.

01:41:07.000 Does Shane's disease affect my sex drive or his sex drive?

01:41:12.000 No, I'm more interested in facts than ever.

01:41:15.000 And then she's like, oh, believe me, he gets pretty darn frisky.

01:41:20.000 You'd be surprised.

01:41:21.000 Let's leave it at that.

01:41:23.000 Wow.

01:41:24.000 Look, she washes his ass and stuff. 1.00

01:41:26.000 This is like, it's almost like pedophilia.

01:41:31.000 Where she's the one 100% in charge, and she's caring for him and holding him like he's a little inept child, yet also fucking him. 0.99

01:41:43.000 And he's probably super uber-duber-duber grateful and in love.

01:41:47.000 Dude, I would be super grateful right now with this normal body if she was fucking me. 1.00

01:41:55.000 Someone started mowing our lawn.

01:41:57.000 Which needs to happen every time.

01:41:58.000 Let's look at another one.

01:42:00.000 Thanks a lot, Carla.

01:42:01.000 Now we're in the fucking interable.

01:42:04.000 We got to do a whole show on this, though.

01:42:06.000 Another couple.

01:42:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:42:07.000 Another interable couple.

01:42:10.000 I'm familiar with Squirmy and Grubs.

01:42:15.000 But what was, yeah, let's hear them.

01:42:28.000 Look at that.

01:42:34.000 So we've come up with this list and we hope you like it.

01:42:38.000 So let's start it off, D. What's the number one advantage of dating me?

01:42:43.000 Okay, number one.

01:42:44.000 People think I'm a superhero and I'm so brave and I'm so non-judgmental and I'm so I'm the least shallow person they've ever met and they talk about how wonderful I am.

01:42:55.000 One is we get great parking.

01:42:59.000 The accessible parking is a big perk.

01:43:02.000 Those rainy days that we go there, you don't have to run farm, mix up your hair.

01:43:07.000 I know you go to a busy event and they just say, come on right through.

01:43:11.000 Oh my god, we've used it at grocery stores, at the movie theaters, at the beginning.

01:43:15.000 It must be great to be unable to move anything below your neck.

01:43:18.000 I'm buying this one.

01:43:20.000 You know what?

01:43:21.000 Because the other one, you know how she was smiling the whole time to be like, yeah, you could do it.

01:43:24.000 Go ahead, talk.

01:43:25.000 Like you're in front of kids.

01:43:26.000 She's kind of like, yeah, this is.

01:43:29.000 The only time I'm buying it is if they were in a normal relationship and he had an accent, she stood by him.

01:43:34.000 Oh, I see.

01:43:35.000 But I don't think that's what this shit is.

01:43:37.000 Me, obviously, too, because I don't have to go.

01:43:39.000 Like, sorry, I've seen so many guys get dumped because they're 5'8 ⁇ .

01:43:43.000 No offense.

01:43:44.000 What?

01:43:44.000 I'm not.

01:43:45.000 Or, like, they like Trump.

01:43:47.000 Or they wet the bed.

01:43:50.000 Or, like, how many guys do you know that have been dumped because they party too much?

01:43:54.000 And she's like, he kept coming home at four in the morning and I wanted to go out the next day.

01:43:59.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 All right, that's enough.

01:44:02.000 I should just start claiming I have like a disease.

01:44:04.000 I got to be like, babe, I'm going to myself to do a whole thing on that.

01:44:07.000 I'm going to become an expert.

01:44:10.000 You think, I mean, an equally shitty reason, but maybe they're so self-conscious that they think that they're a disgusting piece of shit.

01:44:18.000 And they're like, I just need somebody who worships me and think I'm perfect.

01:44:21.000 Nope.

01:44:22.000 It's exactly the same as the albino adopters and the my two-year-old is trans.

01:44:30.000 It's all about me, me, me, me, me.

01:44:32.000 And I'm using someone else as an accessory.

01:44:34.000 That's how depraved is that?

01:44:36.000 Like, the way liberals see blacks as pets.

01:44:39.000 That's not unique to them.

01:44:40.000 We've got all kinds of people using their own children as pets or using some poor bastard in a wheelchair as a pet. 0.98

01:44:48.000 I hope that's not wild.

01:44:49.000 Now, what about the midgets? 0.98

01:44:50.000 That's right on the line.

01:44:52.000 Because, like, you know, Wee-Man from Jackass?

01:44:54.000 Yeah.

01:44:55.000 He doesn't seem like a freak to me.

01:44:57.000 No, but Vern Troyer does.

01:44:59.000 Verntroyer's not a normal midget, dude. 1.00

01:45:01.000 He's like a weird dwarf shrinky guy. 1.00

01:45:04.000 But We-Man, if you were dating Wee-Man, I wouldn't think, oh, you're just doing that to Virtue Signal, right?

01:45:13.000 I'd just go, you're dating a fucking short guy.

01:45:17.000 Let's see that again?

01:45:20.000 That's about right.

01:45:21.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:21.000 Like, that's just Ryan and his girlfriend going for a walk.

01:45:24.000 Hey.

01:45:26.000 With fatter legs.

01:45:27.000 I'm the short one, aren't I?

01:45:29.000 Yes.

01:45:31.000 So where do you draw the line is the million-dollar question.

01:45:33.000 Oh, wow.

01:45:34.000 You're right.

01:45:36.000 That's them together.

01:45:38.000 What, my two eyeballs?

01:45:39.000 Oh.

01:45:41.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 Wow.

01:45:43.000 Yeah, We-Man is probably like 5'1 or something.

01:45:47.000 And his body's not that weird.

01:45:50.000 Although, that would be pretty weird if you were a chick, having that guy just on top of you, just pounding into you.

01:45:56.000 Like a very strong 10-year-old.

01:46:00.000 He does pretty well with the chicks. 0.75

01:46:03.000 That's the beauty of fame.

01:46:08.000 Oh, I find it so confusing.

01:46:10.000 We got Johnny.

01:46:11.000 Here's a litmus test.

01:46:12.000 You just go, how would you feel if it was your sister?

01:46:14.000 Your sister goes, I have a new boyfriend.

01:46:15.000 You go, oh, cool.

01:46:16.000 I can't wait to meet him.

01:46:17.000 Then she comes over.

01:46:17.000 This is a little tiny guy.

01:46:19.000 Oh, hi.

01:46:20.000 You fuck my sister? 1.00

01:46:23.000 Me fuck you. 0.99

01:46:24.000 You could call it that.

01:46:29.000 Johnny got written up for work for not taking temperature, and boss is a fucking loser. 0.85

01:46:33.000 Just wanted to blow up some steam.

01:46:36.000 You're on the line.

01:46:37.000 First of all, first of all, I'd like to say that the first few callers were fucking retards. 1.00

01:46:43.000 They were worse than those girls' boyfriends.

01:46:46.000 Let's be real.

01:46:47.000 I'm going to have a strong call, okay?

01:46:49.000 Thank you guys.

01:46:50.000 It's already going really well.

01:46:52.000 Yeah.

01:46:53.000 Big fan, big fan.

01:46:55.000 I took your advice like a year and a half ago.

01:46:57.000 I got a trade.

01:46:58.000 I got my welding certs.

01:47:00.000 I got hired at the most commie fucking loser welding shop ever, dude. 0.84

01:47:05.000 My boss told me to vote for Biden.

01:47:08.000 Fucking making us wear masks and like take our temperatures and shit.

01:47:12.000 It's so stupid.

01:47:13.000 I worked with my foreman at a pizza shop five years ago, and he wrote me up today for not wearing my fucking mask.

01:47:20.000 What a cuck.

01:47:21.000 What city is this in, if you don't mind me asking?

01:47:26.000 Fucking San Diego.

01:47:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:29.000 I hate it when tradesmen are cucks.

01:47:32.000 Like, if they've been compromised, what's left?

01:47:39.000 Exactly.

01:47:40.000 I thought I was in a safe fucking spot.

01:47:42.000 My old foreman was cool as fuck, liked Trump, didn't wear masks.

01:47:46.000 Everything was cool.

01:47:47.000 And now it's like literally for fucking months, our safety meetings were talking about Trump and fucking, you know, getting vaccines and shit.

01:47:55.000 It's fucking bogus, dude.

01:47:57.000 It's like, I'm going to have to move back to New York.

01:48:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:48:01.000 What an absolute mess.

01:48:02.000 But what about Northern California?

01:48:04.000 I've heard good things about it there.

01:48:07.000 About it there?

01:48:08.000 Yeah, the farther you get away from the coast, you're fine.

01:48:11.000 But, I mean, I like to surf, so what the fuck?

01:48:14.000 I heard Manhattan Beach was pretty conservative, too, but that's starting to change.

01:48:20.000 Did you hear that?

01:48:21.000 Yeah.

01:48:22.000 I mean, you get pockets, man.

01:48:23.000 It's a transplant.

01:48:24.000 I mean, everybody wants to come here, so you find good people.

01:48:26.000 It's just, it was like the fucking Twilight Zone, you know?

01:48:29.000 I go through this whole thing, this whole career change at fucking 33, and get into the trade, and then it's the same fucking shit in the restaurants.

01:48:37.000 Like, whatever, man.

01:48:40.000 What a mess.

01:48:41.000 All right.

01:48:41.000 Thanks for calling.

01:48:44.000 But I bet Welders will be better absolutely everywhere in the world you go.

01:48:49.000 What are you trying to do there?

01:48:51.000 Show this question.

01:48:53.000 Okay.

01:48:54.000 Okay.

01:48:54.000 So would you rather?

01:48:57.000 Would you ask?

01:49:00.000 Your friend's asked.

01:49:00.000 We can come or eat a pussy at the same time with him.

01:49:04.000 Well, Jesus Christ.

01:49:06.000 Obviously, the ladder.

01:49:08.000 Correct.

01:49:09.000 The ladder is not gay. 1.00

01:49:11.000 I've double-teamed girls. 1.00

01:49:13.000 Orally?

01:49:14.000 No.

01:49:15.000 That seems tricky.

01:49:16.000 But I've had my dick bonk another guy's dick while we're running around taking care of a lady. 1.00

01:49:21.000 And I liken it to two guys digging a hole.

01:49:24.000 And if you're digging a hole and your shovels clink, you just go, uh-huh.

01:49:27.000 You don't go, oh, oh.

01:49:29.000 Now, putting my finger in a guy's ass, I'm aiding and abetting in the ejaculation of his penis. 1.00

01:49:35.000 Correct.

01:49:36.000 So that's gay. 0.97

01:49:37.000 And now, as I said earlier, I've done a gay thing, and it's going to bug me. 1.00

01:49:42.000 Aiding and abetting.

01:49:45.000 Next call.

01:49:47.000 I think I might be ready to ink this bitch. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Got rocks.

01:49:51.000 727, you're on the line.

01:49:55.000 Hey, how are you?

01:49:56.000 Hello.

01:49:56.000 Can you hear me?

01:49:57.000 Yeah.

01:49:58.000 Yep.

01:49:59.000 Hey, can you hear me?

01:50:00.000 Yes.

01:50:00.000 Okay, good.

01:50:01.000 Yes.

01:50:02.000 I was thinking about the That's My Mama story, about that girl.

01:50:06.000 No, what are you talking about?

01:50:10.000 She found out the lady on the show was actually her mom later, her favorite show. 0.68

01:50:15.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:50:17.000 I was thinking if whites weren't so scared to tell blacks they look like other blacks, she probably would have figured it out earlier. 0.91

01:50:23.000 Someone would have told her.

01:50:25.000 Yeah.

01:50:26.000 Yeah.

01:50:27.000 Well, I also wanted to recommend Edge a song to begin the show with, The Loser by Derek Harriot.

01:50:34.000 You probably heard it.

01:50:36.000 Okay, we'll look it up.

01:50:38.000 Thanks for calling.

01:50:39.000 The Loser?

01:50:40.000 I'm not a loser.

01:50:42.000 Derek Harriot.

01:50:44.000 I mean, what are the odds of a song suggestion are going to be good?

01:50:49.000 Anyway, that's...

01:50:53.000 That's slowing things down.

01:50:55.000 What's it, a Ska song?

01:50:56.000 Next up?

01:50:57.000 We got Scott Cooper on the line.

01:51:03.000 Hey, Kevin.

01:51:04.000 So I had a question a couple times that you get super hammered and then wet yourself.

01:51:10.000 And so as a married guy, I wanted to find out, A, if you were joking on some of those.

01:51:16.000 And if you're not, how does that happen?

01:51:20.000 Are you in bed with your wife when you're wetting yourself?

01:51:22.000 Or what's the deal?

01:51:24.000 I'm in bed with her, yes.

01:51:27.000 And what I usually do is I get up and I get towels.

01:51:30.000 I don't know how it happens.

01:51:31.000 It happens when I'm asleep.

01:51:33.000 And then I go and I sleep on the towel.

01:51:38.000 And then I'll wake up later and that towel will be wet.

01:51:41.000 And then I'll go get another towel.

01:51:42.000 And usually like two towels absorbs 98% of it.

01:51:47.000 But it's a bad habit.

01:51:48.000 And I better figure out how to get out of it or I'm going to get fucking dumped.

01:51:54.000 It's not a good look.

01:51:57.000 What is your wife saying when it happens? 1.00

01:51:59.000 Well, it's funny.

01:52:01.000 When we were dating, I did it once, and she was sick, and I came to visit her, and I made her soup or something, and then passed out wasted.

01:52:08.000 And she woke up, and there was just a penis with a fountain of pits in a big arc drenching her futon. 0.95

01:52:14.000 And she was like, I don't want to start getting serious with this guy because this is going to happen for the rest of my life.

01:52:19.000 And she was right, and it did.

01:52:22.000 She fucked up in that sense.

01:52:24.000 But yeah, she's gone from like screaming, crying, and not speaking to me for days to now just kind of numb to it.

01:52:31.000 And she'll just be like, you wet the fucking bed again. 1.00

01:52:34.000 You want to get some diapers?

01:52:35.000 Should I get you diapers? 0.73

01:52:36.000 And then she'll throw the sheets at me and I have to go wash them. 0.51

01:52:40.000 I am disabled.

01:52:41.000 You're like her drunk adult baby now.

01:52:43.000 Yeah, she actually said that.

01:52:45.000 It's like Grimes and Stubbs or whatever.

01:52:51.000 And I know we're not doing two things, so I'm not going to, but I'm in Northern California up above SAC.

01:52:57.000 And we're conservative up here, and it's a good place.

01:53:01.000 Well, you got a welder coming your way in about a week, so start saving up your welding jobs.

01:53:09.000 Right.

01:53:10.000 All right.

01:53:10.000 Thanks.

01:53:11.000 Bye.

01:53:11.000 Hey, guys.

01:53:12.000 Cool.

01:53:12.000 Thanks.

01:53:13.000 That joke didn't go down very well, did it?

01:53:15.000 No, I thought you were dead serious.

01:53:17.000 Well, I meant that welder that just called.

01:53:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:20.000 No, it's true.

01:53:21.000 So you thought I seriously wanted him to save up some welding jobs.

01:53:24.000 Well, he's not in the power to do that, but it's not a ha-ha joke.

01:53:27.000 It's more like a A. But he didn't say A. Tasha.

01:53:33.000 You're on the line.

01:53:35.000 Tasha's on the line.

01:53:36.000 Tasha's on the line.

01:53:37.000 Tasha's on the line.

01:53:39.000 Virginia Tech.

01:53:40.000 Maybe that'll help.

01:53:42.000 Sometimes this speech to text gets wonky.

01:53:46.000 Hey.

01:53:46.000 Yep.

01:53:47.000 Hey, guys.

01:53:48.000 Hey, dude.

01:53:50.000 Hey.

01:53:52.000 Hey, John.

01:53:52.000 I'm going to turn this radio down.

01:53:54.000 Yes, please.

01:53:55.000 Oh.

01:53:56.000 The street at 1.20, Mike Skinner's drummer is wearing a Periela shirt.

01:54:07.000 Oh.

01:54:07.000 And Fred Perry, you mean?

01:54:09.000 It was my birthday recently.

01:54:10.000 Yeah.

01:54:11.000 I'm sorry?

01:54:12.000 Fred Perry, you mean?

01:54:15.000 Yeah, I'm sorry.

01:54:17.000 Yes, Fred Perry.

01:54:19.000 Okay.

01:54:20.000 Oh, God.

01:54:22.000 Yeah.

01:54:22.000 Oh, God.

01:54:24.000 By the way, sometimes your grammar is pathetic.

01:54:26.000 It's ubiquitous.

01:54:27.000 You don't know the me and her and the she and I and the he and I. So you are nobody to put anybody in their place.

01:54:35.000 And Ryan, quit playing with your hair, bro.

01:54:37.000 I have to say that.

01:54:38.000 I'm sorry.

01:54:39.000 Hey.

01:54:40.000 Hey, look, it was recently my birthday on the 13th, and I've been with you since Red Eye, and I always thought you were like the most important person in my life, Gavin, because you were dumb, and you succeeded,

01:54:56.000 and my IQ is higher than you could count, and I have become an absolute drunk than I used to be.

01:55:03.000 And now I'm a graduate of Virginia Tech.

01:55:06.000 I had like three or four or five minors.

01:55:08.000 But what I want to tell you is Virginia Beach is a great place to live because it's got the Navy and it's got Norfolk and Northern Virginia, D.C., and North Carolina.

01:55:23.000 You can go anywhere you want to.

01:55:25.000 Virginia Beach, look into it.

01:55:26.000 Great.

01:55:27.000 Yeah, I've been there a few times.

01:55:29.000 What does ubiquitous mean?

01:55:33.000 Ubiquitous means it's saturated within all of your shows.

01:55:41.000 No, give me the dictionary definition of the term.

01:55:45.000 It's kind of like omnipotent or like omnipresent.

01:55:48.000 Not omnipotent.

01:55:49.000 That means that means.

01:55:51.000 Yeah, it means all things at all times.

01:55:54.000 It's like God.

01:55:56.000 And you rarely would ever use that term unless you're talking about the existence of God.

01:56:02.000 So people have been a little looser with it, and now it tends to just mean everywhere or like the term like.

01:56:10.000 You'd say the term like is ubiquitous.

01:56:12.000 Everyone is using it all the time.

01:56:14.000 But I know that ubiquitous means all things at all times.

01:56:17.000 And you didn't define it very well just then for someone who's such a genius.

01:56:24.000 Oh, well, meanwhile, back at the ranch, yeah.

01:56:27.000 Well, if anybody else keeps going saying, oh, I like it so much.

01:56:31.000 Thank you so much.

01:56:32.000 The whole so much thing can die.

01:56:35.000 That's a pop culture thing.

01:56:36.000 And I'd like to be hired by you for free.

01:56:39.000 And I buy your plane ticket anytime you want to come down to Southern Maryland.

01:56:43.000 I'll do it.

01:56:44.000 All right.

01:56:45.000 Sounds good.

01:56:45.000 Thanks for calling.

01:56:49.000 Tudaloo Man and happy birthday.

01:56:51.000 Tudaloo, motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:53.000 Tom Green.

01:56:54.000 Someone talk about Tom Green.

01:56:56.000 Okay.

01:56:56.000 I discovered him.

01:56:57.000 No.

01:56:57.000 Really?

01:56:58.000 From that public access show?

01:57:00.000 Sort of.

01:57:01.000 Wild.

01:57:02.000 Tom Green.

01:57:02.000 Yeah, Tom Green.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, great guy.

01:57:05.000 I grew up upside Toronto.

01:57:07.000 I know you grew up in Ottawa, and I know for a minute there in the 90s, you couldn't go two minutes without this fucking Tom Green and his bullshit rap.

01:57:16.000 But then I saw him get big on MTV, and I thought, wow, you know, this guy really hit the big time.

01:57:21.000 Then I just saw Joe Logan of him about six months ago, and he was the biggest COVID paranoid pussy. 0.83

01:57:29.000 And I was like, this was the guy who showed his ass on TV, and now here he is, this big COVID pussy. 1.00

01:57:34.000 And anyway, I was just curious what you know about him, if you knew him, whatever, growing up in Ottawa and all that.

01:57:40.000 Yeah, I mean, he was pretty famous pretty fast.

01:57:44.000 He was doing his public access shit, very brave stuff, prank calls, like, sorry, college radio stuff with prank calls and shit, really adventurous and weird.

01:57:53.000 And then his band was a joke band.

01:57:55.000 I think they kind of copied their jokeness from my band, Eno Chinook. 0.97

01:57:59.000 But from the age of 18, he sort of catapulted to fame.

01:58:04.000 I think what happened with him and Drew Barrymore was that he was really insecure about the fact that she was so rich and he wanted them to have the same kind of money.

01:58:12.000 So she's like, let's go to Paris for our honeymoon and stay at this beautiful hotel on the beach.

01:58:17.000 And he's like, no, we can't afford that.

01:58:18.000 She's like, I can.

01:58:20.000 And it eventually let, their marriage fell apart because of it.

01:58:24.000 So he's a high-quality dude, but maybe he's become pussified by being famous for so long.

01:58:31.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:58:33.000 But yeah, I'll never forget hearing him on the radio and then meeting him later on, you know, like that month and just going, dude, I heard you doing that fucking crazy call where you made the guy walk in to a pizza place and hand the pizza guy the phone.

01:58:47.000 And then you told the pizza guy that you're being kidnapped by that dude and he's there to murder you or something.

01:58:54.000 And I go, you're fucking going places, I promise you.

01:58:57.000 And I was right.

01:59:01.000 Next call.

01:59:02.000 Undercutters Pizza.

01:59:05.000 Navy Joe.

01:59:09.000 Hey, guys.

01:59:10.000 Hello.

01:59:10.000 Just calling to say, forget about going to Virginia.

01:59:14.000 Just two days ago, their little league coaches have announced they have to do diversity training, so you do not want to go to Virginia.

01:59:22.000 Jesus Christ.

01:59:22.000 I recommend where I moved.

01:59:25.000 I left California, went to Northwest Georgia.

01:59:29.000 Everyone still has Trump signs up.

01:59:31.000 And it like MLB can go to hell and baseball rules here.

01:59:40.000 Wow, that's a good sell.

01:59:42.000 So what's the state again?

01:59:45.000 Northwest Georgia.

01:59:48.000 Okay.

01:59:50.000 What are you near?

01:59:53.000 Atlanta?

01:59:53.000 I'm near Barry College.

01:59:56.000 And there's also, there's a, let's see, you got Barry College up here.

02:00:00.000 You got.

02:00:03.000 Is it near Atlanta?

02:00:06.000 What's that?

02:00:07.000 Is it near Atlanta?

02:00:10.000 Hour away.

02:00:11.000 Ah.

02:00:12.000 All right, well, check it out.

02:00:13.000 Thanks for coming.

02:00:14.000 Nice enough.

02:00:16.000 Okay, sure.

02:00:16.000 Have a good one.

02:00:17.000 Bye.

02:00:19.000 Looks like paradise with the mountains.

02:00:20.000 Yeah, that's the problem, though.

02:00:21.000 You look up any town.

02:00:23.000 And it looks like fucking paradise.

02:00:25.000 They're not going to put the shitty places.

02:00:28.000 One of the arguments that a lady had made when she called in is that some of these towns, although like basically little utopias, that they lack culture.

02:00:38.000 And I couldn't find myself thinking that that was a problem.

02:00:41.000 But what do you think about that?

02:00:42.000 Yeah, I think that kind of turns me off with Florida is the lack of history.

02:00:49.000 And we have such a tall order.

02:00:51.000 Like I was talking to my wife about this, and she wants, you know, weird ex-punk guys who are artsy fartsy, but not like...

02:01:00.000 Dangerous.

02:01:01.000 No, it doesn't care about dangerous.

02:01:02.000 Don't finish my fucking sentence for me, you retard. 1.00

02:01:06.000 Artsy fartsy guys who are not like Jeremy Scott, but like, you know, our friends.

02:01:11.000 Like someone with a tattoo of Mickey Mouse going like this.

02:01:14.000 That kind of thing.

02:01:16.000 I want ex-cons and cops.

02:01:19.000 My daughter wants like normal hipster Billie Eilish types. 1.00

02:01:23.000 My sons want baseball.

02:01:25.000 So the last, the sons is easy.

02:01:27.000 The girl's tricky because that's why I kind of liked Asheville where she could go and, you know, go take the, or she could drive into town if we're like 40 minutes from Asheville. 1.00

02:01:40.000 And then I would get my rednecks. 0.99

02:01:42.000 And my wife could also go to Asheville for her weirdos. 1.00

02:01:44.000 But then I was thinking like Mickey Mouse Tattoos, Giving the Finger is also like Nashville.

02:01:51.000 You know, it's got that weird background to it.

02:01:54.000 And then I'm easy, me and the, as usual, the boys are easy to please, right?

02:01:58.000 My boys just want baseball and I just want ex-cons and cops.

02:02:04.000 So I just, if I'm like 30 minutes from Asheville, I'm sure I'll have a dive bar with those kind of people in it.

02:02:13.000 But finding a southern town where we're not going to be ostracized, but we can also be around the kind of people who do ostracize.

02:02:22.000 You know what I mean?

02:02:24.000 It's a tall order.

02:02:26.000 I don't envy you.

02:02:28.000 And it's funny because we had that in Williamsburg in the early aughts.

02:02:33.000 Like it wasn't political.

02:02:35.000 You could have redneck kind of culture in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. 0.88

02:02:44.000 Guys did have, you know, they dressed like bikers and had big long beards and stuff.

02:02:48.000 That's gone forever, though.

02:02:51.000 All right, next caller.

02:02:52.000 I'm really looking forward to it, but great to see you.

02:02:54.000 And congratulations on your Drew Barrymore show?

02:02:59.000 Yep, we saw that.

02:03:00.000 She had Tom Green on.

02:03:02.000 I know, we talked about it.

02:03:05.000 Hello.

02:03:06.000 Fireside chat artist.

02:03:10.000 Hello.

02:03:11.000 Hello.

02:03:12.000 Hello.

02:03:13.000 Hello.

02:03:15.000 Hey, I was wondering if you've ever heard of Donut Operator on YouTube.

02:03:22.000 He looks at kind of like cop.

02:03:26.000 He's an ex-cop.

02:03:28.000 Not an ex-cop.

02:03:28.000 He used to be a cop, but He has a video where it's look it up.

02:03:33.000 It's called Cop Dodges Bullet and Takes Out Suspect.

02:03:38.000 Crazy enough, it's a lady cop. 1.00

02:03:41.000 Oh, shit.

02:03:44.000 She's part of the 1% that deserves to be there. 0.86

02:03:49.000 Exactly.

02:03:52.000 Well, check that out.

02:03:53.000 Thank you for calling.

02:03:56.000 Oh, yeah, I've seen this dude a million times.

02:04:01.000 But I do want to see a chick dodge a bullet. 1.00

02:04:03.000 50,000 people.

02:04:04.000 Exciting.

02:04:05.000 Thank you so much for coming.

02:04:08.000 Contact with Dent was caught on one of those ring doorbell cameras, and it's clear as day what happens.

02:04:13.000 Deputies approach the house.

02:04:14.000 They're kind of joining a circle.

02:04:15.000 Deputy Vought knocks on the door.

02:04:17.000 That's when the 56-year-old suspect leans out with a gun, points it at her head, and pulls the trigger.

02:04:24.000 Here he is.

02:04:25.000 Here he is.

02:04:34.000 Wow.

02:04:35.000 Deputy Vaught dodges the shot, pulls her own firearm out, and single-handedly puts the dude. 1.00

02:04:50.000 Let's see that again.

02:04:50.000 Deputy Vaugh.

02:04:58.000 She kind of put her hand behind my face, huh? 1.00

02:05:02.000 Jeesh.

02:05:04.000 Alright, let's do one more call.

02:05:07.000 And this is my masterpiece, by the way, I finished today.

02:05:10.000 One more call.

02:05:12.000 Wait.

02:05:14.000 This might be tough to line up.

02:05:16.000 Alright, let's just show the main camera.

02:05:20.000 I guess I have to figure out why he's falling.

02:05:21.000 Maybe he's screaming.

02:05:24.000 Luke, advice?

02:05:29.000 Yo! 1.00

02:05:31.000 Hey, I've been looking up to you, Gavin, just for, like, you know, promoting the family and everything.

02:05:38.000 I'm a young 22-year-old with a one-year-old.

02:05:42.000 So we've been going through some shit, and I've been keeping you in mind, just trying to stay in this relationship and be a man, not be a fucking idiot, and have your, you know, fiancé divorce you.

02:05:53.000 Have your fiancé divorce you?

02:05:58.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:05:59.000 Like, we, you know, have some ups and downs and stuff.

02:06:05.000 But after, like, postpartum, you know, after the baby, just no sex drive.

02:06:15.000 Like, I haven't had sex in, like, you know, you know, probably like three or four times this year.

02:06:23.000 And I just want your advice on, like, trying to get to her, you know, talk to her, you know, about this and what I should do.

02:06:33.000 Yeah, you just got to fix it, man.

02:06:34.000 You got to not rape her, but kind of get a little more physical and make it happen.

02:06:40.000 And part of that is not beating off, where she's can, they can sense when you just sort of want it, but you don't need it.

02:06:46.000 But you have to sort of make it clear that this has to happen.

02:06:50.000 And a lot of the times, divorces happen because the guy doesn't fight hard enough.

02:06:56.000 And then she wants him back because she realized she was wrong.

02:07:00.000 I mean, it's not a democracy relationship.

02:07:03.000 It's a benevolent dictatorship and you're the boss.

02:07:06.000 You're driving the boat.

02:07:07.000 And if you guys split up, it's because you let the boat crash.

02:07:11.000 It's not up to her.

02:07:12.000 When she says, I think we should probably end this.

02:07:14.000 It's not working out.

02:07:15.000 You got that young little kid.

02:07:17.000 The answer is no.

02:07:18.000 We're not doing that.

02:07:19.000 We're making this work no matter what.

02:07:23.000 And that's just the way it has to be.

02:07:26.000 You're going to make this happen.

02:07:27.000 It's not up to anyone else.

02:07:29.000 You have to make this work.

02:07:30.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

02:07:32.000 That's it for the show.

02:07:33.000 We've got a new Josh Denny pilot coming up and a few other leads I'm working on tomorrow.

02:07:41.000 And we might pound out another show for tomorrow.

02:07:46.000 I'm not sure.

02:07:46.000 We'll see how Josh is doing with his pilot.

02:07:48.000 Anyway, in the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:07:55.000 All of these milk and milkies comments and milk wagons and all of that.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 21, 2021

GOML LIVE #99 - AFRICAN JAZZ

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