Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 09, 2019


S02E02 - POETRY SUCKS


Episode Stats


Length

49 minutes

Words per minute

158.21657

Word count

7,866

Sentence count

871

Harmful content

Misogyny

62

sentences flagged

Toxicity

183

sentences flagged

Hate speech

53

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of Thick & Thin I talk about a British musician with Down Syndrome named Daniel Wakeford, 9/11, and the hypocrisy of political correctness. I also talk about the new HBO show Undatables, and why I don t like it.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:40.000 That's what they call outsider art.
00:00:42.000 That's a severely autistic gentleman named Daniel Wakeford.
00:00:48.000 I discovered him from a reality show in Britain called Undatables that features seemingly undatable people going on dates.
00:00:58.000 They include people with Down syndrome.
00:01:00.000 They include severe autists like our buddy Daniel.
00:01:04.000 And passionately disfigured people are also on this show.
00:01:11.000 And then I discovered that Daniel has a band.
00:01:15.000 And he's got some stinkers in there, I'm afraid.
00:01:19.000 He's got about three albums.
00:01:21.000 There's a Daniel Wakeford experience.
00:01:24.000 There's Songs from Gigs, I think is another one.
00:01:29.000 I'm not a huge fan of his ballads, but when he does sort of pop punk, it sounds like Jonathan Richmond meets that band Art Brute.
00:01:39.000 And I'm a fan, a genuine fan.
00:01:41.000 And then it makes you appreciate him more.
00:01:45.000 Check out this video he did.
00:01:46.000 He's really into British beach towns, you know, along the southern coast.
00:01:50.000 Actually, they have them on all coasts in Britain.
00:01:53.000 No, no, no.
00:01:53.000 Go to the beginning.
00:01:56.000 I think he has sandals in this video that really bothers me.
00:01:59.000 but you don't see them much.
00:02:06.000 It's a wonderful city.
00:02:08.000 I'm in for Brighton.
00:02:09.000 Just if you look at first shots right now, it's a wonderful city.
00:02:15.000 I love how he enunciated right now.
00:02:24.000 No matter how do you try, just so cool.
00:02:26.000 The way his mother describes it is he has a sentence in his head, and then on the way out its mouth, someone moves the words around.
00:02:35.000 But he's just so optimistic.
00:02:39.000 And he's a grown man.
00:02:41.000 I mean, he loves women.
00:02:42.000 He wants a girlfriend. 0.70
00:02:44.000 He talks about having pints in Britain.
00:02:47.000 He loves British culture and pubs.
00:02:48.000 He loves America.
00:02:50.000 Actually, he has a song.
00:02:52.000 He sings about America.
00:02:52.000 What's that song?
00:02:54.000 And he's like, New York City is a great place to go.
00:02:58.000 The Twin Towers aren't there anymore.
00:03:02.000 Like, he mentions 9-11 as a thing that's no longer there.
00:03:05.000 These glasses are much better, aren't they, for TV.
00:03:18.000 The Twin Towers was totally gone.
00:03:20.000 That's the only time I've ever laughed at September 11.
00:03:23.000 Dude, what an understatement.
00:03:25.000 Where's your camera?
00:03:25.000 What an understatement.
00:03:26.000 I spent $40 on that.
00:03:28.000 You did, yes.
00:03:29.000 You're wasting my money.
00:03:31.000 You know how pints that is?
00:03:31.000 It's right here.
00:03:34.000 That's the most dramatic understatement I've ever heard.
00:03:36.000 It's like, there was a plane accident a couple years ago.
00:03:40.000 The Twin Towers are totally gone.
00:03:44.000 Kind of annoyed the Twin Towers are totally gone.
00:03:45.000 I wanted them rebuilt the next day.
00:03:48.000 So did Trump.
00:03:49.000 Yeah.
00:03:50.000 This was my goal.
00:03:51.000 He was pissed about.
00:03:52.000 As president of the United States, you start rebuilding them on September 13th, and British people begin a conspiracy theory that September 11th never happened.
00:04:04.000 You know why I would love that?
00:04:06.000 Because it would piss off the terrorists. 1.00
00:04:08.000 Because they did bust their ass. 0.99
00:04:10.000 It was one of the, I don't like the word great, but I mean it in a very literal sense, meaning large. 0.99
00:04:16.000 It was one of the most effective acts of war in the history of the sport.
00:04:23.000 It's hard to be blasphemous, not to be blasphemous when you talk about September 11th.
00:04:26.000 It changed my life forever.
00:04:27.000 It made me political.
00:04:28.000 Can you turn my little thing so it's facing me?
00:04:32.000 But the reason I bring up Daniel Wakeford is a much bigger point.
00:04:37.000 And that is it reminds me of a time where we were better with each other.
00:04:44.000 I mean, political correctness, they chastise you for saying the word retard.
00:04:49.000 Yet, with their abortions, they actually commit genocide and have basically erased people with Down syndrome.
00:04:55.000 They must be aware of that, some of the smarter ones, that they are being ethnically cleansed. 1.00
00:05:03.000 The hypocrisy is amazing.
00:05:04.000 And I honestly believe that political correctness, it takes anyone who's not mainstream, and that includes visible minorities, and it sort of puts them in a little box away. 0.66
00:05:15.000 Don't touch.
00:05:16.000 Ah, this show, by the way, I forgot about that part.
00:05:19.000 This show is criticized as being exploitation.
00:05:24.000 This is a really awkward.
00:05:25.000 It's insulting.
00:05:26.000 The undatable stars rubbish exploitation claims ahead of new series.
00:05:31.000 So that woman who's severely disfigured, she's saying that it's insulting that people are saying that her show is exploitation or the show she was on. 0.89
00:05:39.000 People volunteer to be on it.
00:05:39.000 And she's right.
00:05:41.000 And they hook up.
00:05:43.000 They get dates.
00:05:44.000 Undatables, and this is why I hate this sort of war on color.
00:05:48.000 Undatables is a self-aware term.
00:05:52.000 And what the show is saying is, are they so undatable?
00:05:55.000 Maybe not. 1.00
00:05:57.000 It's like when I did that video, 10 Things I Hate About the Goddamn Jews. 1.00
00:06:01.000 It was obviously an homage to Israel and my frustration at liberal Jews who can't embrace nationalism and be proud of everything about Israel, including their awesome wall that has brought down terrorism to this. 0.99
00:06:17.000 There was a show called How's Your News.
00:06:18.000 I used to work with this guy, Arthur Bradford, through Vice.
00:06:22.000 I had them guest edit our episode.
00:06:24.000 Don't look for the Israeli wall. 0.94
00:06:25.000 Look for How's Your News.
00:06:28.000 And he took, he worked at a camp.
00:06:30.000 It's like Camp Jabberwocky, I think it's called.
00:06:32.000 And It's for mostly people with Down syndrome, but severely mentally handicapped people. 0.79
00:06:36.000 And he would take them to events to interview people.
00:06:40.000 And sometimes you laugh at them.
00:06:43.000 That was Susan.
00:06:43.000 I knew her.
00:06:44.000 That guy just says boya, boyah.
00:06:46.000 He's dead now, I believe.
00:06:48.000 Can you turn it up?
00:06:49.000 I can't hear it.
00:06:53.000 Here comes How Trainer.
00:06:55.000 We're going to tear this place apart.
00:06:57.000 We all met at a summer camp for people with disabilities.
00:07:00.000 Now we're traveling across America to bring you the story like no one else can.
00:07:04.000 Now the truth comes out.
00:07:05.000 Have Star Magazine and I've seen your picture in.
00:07:08.000 Well, it's in there quite a bit.
00:07:10.000 I love Panda Montana.
00:07:11.000 I watch it every day.
00:07:12.000 Are you sent to me in the Grammy?
00:07:12.000 Thank you.
00:07:14.000 Very.
00:07:17.000 I'm an oil man.
00:07:18.000 I'm an oil man.
00:07:19.000 Hey, yeah.
00:07:21.000 Anyway.
00:07:22.000 You guys.
00:07:24.000 That's touching.
00:07:25.000 I like it.
00:07:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:26.000 Susan, by the way, is kind of a bitch. 1.00
00:07:29.000 You're allowed to say that, too. 0.99
00:07:31.000 I went to see them once, and I know her, and she would send me, once you get on her radar, on her Rolodex, you get a Christmas thing, a Thanksgiving thing, every holiday.
00:07:39.000 You're going, hi, how are you?
00:07:41.000 I'm Susan.
00:07:42.000 And so I was lining up to say hi to her, and I had already worked with them.
00:07:45.000 They edited an issue of Vice.
00:07:47.000 And I had to line up, and I was behind, what's her name from Strangers with Candy?
00:07:53.000 Jerry.
00:07:55.000 Jerry Blank.
00:07:56.000 But the woman who plays him.
00:07:58.000 Not Amy Schumer plays her.
00:08:00.000 Anyway, I was with Jerry Blank and all these other sort of celebs and rock stars.
00:08:04.000 People like Moby were in the line to meet her.
00:08:07.000 And so I finally get to her and I go, hey, Susan, that was a great show.
00:08:10.000 And I go, wow, you're really famous here.
00:08:12.000 I had to line up with a bunch of celebrities just to get to say hi to you.
00:08:15.000 And she goes, yeah, I'll bet you did, Buster.
00:08:18.000 And guess what?
00:08:19.000 When we do our next set, you're going to get back to the end of the line and do it all over again. 1.00
00:08:25.000 And I thought, you arrogant bitch. 1.00
00:08:30.000 Her name is Geraldine Antonia, by the way. 1.00
00:08:33.000 That's not who played. 0.99
00:08:34.000 Playboy blank, you buffoon. 0.99
00:08:35.000 Amy Sederis. 0.99
00:08:36.000 Amy Sederis.
00:08:37.000 That was just a little prank.
00:08:38.000 That was a funny prank.
00:08:41.000 That wasn't very good, yes.
00:08:43.000 But do you get what I'm saying?
00:08:44.000 Like, back when I was a kid, I don't like using the retard for actual retards, but back when I was a kid, there was always a handicapped person in your group, and you would laugh when they did something funny, and you were laughing with them. 1.00
00:08:55.000 But now, with political correctness, we're so scared of someone laughing at them that we avoid handicapped people entirely.
00:09:03.000 Even Bill Burr has a bit about this, about kids, where he's like, remember kids?
00:09:09.000 I used to like kids.
00:09:10.000 They're like little drunk people.
00:09:12.000 And I would like to hang out with them.
00:09:14.000 Now, you're just like, get away from me.
00:09:15.000 I don't want anyone saying anything.
00:09:16.000 Don't touch me, kid.
00:09:18.000 Here, you say that as Bill Burr.
00:09:20.000 You turn the camera onto yourself.
00:09:26.000 Ah, dude, they got sticky hands, you know?
00:09:29.000 They touch everything.
00:09:30.000 There's like lollipop dust on it.
00:09:32.000 But the point of the bit is he's saying you're worried about being accused of being a pedophile. 0.58
00:09:36.000 Yeah, you're like, you give a kid a hug or a high five, and it's like, ah, dude, he's a pedophile, you know?
00:09:40.000 It's brutal.
00:09:41.000 That was good.
00:09:42.000 I got to work out that bit a little more.
00:09:43.000 No, that was great.
00:09:44.000 Thanks.
00:09:45.000 And he's right.
00:09:46.000 And this is why I have devoted my life to, besides promoting the patriarchy and families and trying to get kids to have kids, people to have kids. 0.98
00:09:56.000 One is for losers. 1.00
00:09:58.000 Two is for fags. 1.00
00:09:59.000 Three is a bare minimum. 0.99
00:10:01.000 Bare minimum three kids.
00:10:04.000 You know, I think Lily and Daniel are going to have kids.
00:10:05.000 Did I cut you off?
00:10:06.000 I'm sorry.
00:10:07.000 No?
00:10:07.000 Well, I think Lily and Daniel might have kids.
00:10:09.000 They got married.
00:10:10.000 So Daniel's the guy who made them salute.
00:10:13.000 Yeah, no, usually people who are too handicapped to take care of kids are not allowed. 0.99
00:10:17.000 They're usually neutered. 1.00
00:10:20.000 As that Bonnie McFarlane Pat Dixon fight revealed.
00:10:26.000 I don't think men with Down syndrome can inseminate successfully.
00:10:31.000 I don't think their sperm works. 0.99
00:10:33.000 Not even legally, I think women with Down syndrome can get pregnant, but I think most moms of her make sure it doesn't happen because anyway, way to turn this into something really depressing and unfortunate, Brian. 0.99
00:10:47.000 And I think you're a retard for thinking that they're going to have kids. 1.00
00:10:51.000 But anyway, here's a date with Daniel Wakeford meeting a girl. 0.97
00:10:56.000 I don't know why you jumped into it before I was done saying what I was saying, but might as well play it now.
00:11:00.000 These are the places he likes to eat.
00:11:00.000 I'm sorry.
00:11:03.000 Lily.
00:11:05.000 He's like, Lily, pay attention.
00:11:06.000 Lily theme parks are Chessington and Fort Park and karaoke and disco dancing.
00:11:16.000 Do you like disco dancing?
00:11:18.000 What is your favorite music?
00:11:21.000 I love watching the X Factor.
00:11:27.000 Hey, I'm on VX Factor too.
00:11:30.000 What is your favorite songs?
00:11:34.000 A love song.
00:11:36.000 I'm a singer and I'm a songwriter.
00:11:40.000 Daniel.
00:11:43.000 I fancy you.
00:11:45.000 I wish my dates were more skillful like this.
00:11:48.000 I had to court my wife for like two years. 0.99
00:11:50.000 I always loved having a fancy you either as well.
00:11:54.000 There it is.
00:11:56.000 We got to make t-shirts.
00:11:57.000 We have to make a t-shirt that says, I like your new sunglasses with some sunglasses on it.
00:12:02.000 And then we also need a t-shirt that says, I always loved having a fancy you either as well.
00:12:10.000 Anyway, sorry, back to my earlier point before I was so rudely interrupted by, I don't like saying co-host.
00:12:15.000 He's not worthy of that.
00:12:16.000 Producer? 0.99
00:12:17.000 Jerk. 0.95
00:12:17.000 Pest. 0.95
00:12:18.000 By my pest.
00:12:19.000 My pet pest.
00:12:22.000 Yes, of course, this show is heavily devoted to families and let's have some more kids.
00:12:28.000 We need more American families, more proud Western chauvinist families.
00:12:33.000 I want the 80s back.
00:12:35.000 When Trump says make America great again, he's not talking about slavery.
00:12:37.000 He's talking about 1983.
00:12:39.000 This is what we want back.
00:12:41.000 Lots of kids.
00:12:42.000 But secondly, and this is all part of that too.
00:12:46.000 Secondly, I want to fight back against this perpetual gray that we're getting from political correctness, where you can't be around mentally handicapped people.
00:12:56.000 You can't be around kids.
00:12:57.000 You can't say this joke.
00:12:58.000 You can't say that joke.
00:12:59.000 I would Argue that back when you had more of an Archie Bunker, Gran Torino, get these Polaks out of here kind of repertoire with your fellow man, the country had less hate, was less racist, had more homogeneity, had more harmony. 0.99
00:13:16.000 And it reminds me of my favorite philosopher, Slavov Zisek.
00:13:21.000 He's one of these Balkanized Slavs who has a habit of constantly picking at himself. 1.00
00:13:27.000 He's a very itchy guy.
00:13:28.000 I think he has Tourette's or something.
00:13:31.000 But here he is defending racist jokes.
00:13:36.000 But it's my same point.
00:13:39.000 Of course, racist jokes and so on can be extremely oppressive, humiliating, and so on.
00:13:47.000 But the solution, I think, is to create an atmosphere or to practice drug jokes in such a way that they really function as that little bit of obscene contact which establishes true proximity between us.
00:14:05.000 And I'm talking for my own sake.
00:14:07.000 Primal contract that establishes true proximity between us.
00:14:11.000 Could you be more verbose there, Zizik?
00:14:14.000 Take it easy, bro.
00:14:16.000 What he's saying is when you can offend someone, you have a better repertoire. 0.69
00:14:21.000 He tells another story in another video about how these two black guys came to get his book.
00:14:26.000 He's written a lot of books.
00:14:27.000 Have them signed.
00:14:28.000 And as he was handing them back, he had their names on him. 0.88
00:14:31.000 He goes, I can't tell which is which because all your black people look the same. 1.00
00:14:36.000 And they laughed and said, you're my nigger or something like that. 0.99
00:14:39.000 Hard R? 0.99
00:14:41.000 No.
00:14:44.000 No.
00:14:45.000 Go ahead, Slavov.
00:14:48.000 Past political experience, ex-Yugoslavia.
00:14:51.000 I remember when I was young, when I met from other, when I met with other people from ex-Yugoslav Republic, Serbs, Croats, Bosnias, and so on, we were all the time telling dirty jokes about each other. 0.99
00:15:04.000 Serbs.
00:15:05.000 But not so much against the other.
00:15:08.000 We were in a wonderful way competing who will be able to tell a nastier joke about ourselves.
00:15:15.000 These were obscene racist jokes.
00:15:19.000 But their effect was a wonderful sense of shared obscene solidarity.
00:15:24.000 And I have another proof here.
00:15:26.000 Do you know that when civil war exploded in Yugoslavia, early war or before India?
00:15:34.000 That's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
00:15:36.000 That guy, I am personally paying for his next dental appointment.
00:15:41.000 I don't care what it costs.
00:15:43.000 $7,000?
00:15:45.000 No problem.
00:15:45.000 $7,000?
00:15:48.000 What is going on with the back motors?
00:15:50.000 His opine proximity to one another.
00:15:55.000 This paradigm.
00:15:57.000 You can tell him he reads more than he talks to English people because he pronounces words phonetically like paradigm.
00:16:04.000 Anyway, that's that.
00:16:06.000 If you can relate Slavov Zizak and his racist jokes to his fellow Slavs, to his fellow Bosnians, Croats, his fellow Balkanized buddies, if you can relate that to the opening song, Playboy Girls, So Much Sexy, if you can see a similarity there, then I have done a successful intro.
00:16:25.000 I would now like to turn 90 degrees to Homeless Me and discuss the state of poetry today.
00:16:32.000 I've always hated poetry, as my father pointed out when I was a young man.
00:16:37.000 Understand why you would say that is a thing, but why would you take this roundabout route going over and then you eventually get to see that's a thing?
00:16:46.000 Why waste your time?
00:16:48.000 And I would add to that, yes, Dad, and the cadence that they have all chosen, this synonymous cadence where they come in and they say together that the thing must, and the way they go back and forth to each other.
00:17:03.000 Well, I checked in on it thanks to a magazine I found.
00:17:07.000 And it's just as annoying as you thought it was.
00:17:11.000 Take it away, homeless me bumper. 0.80
00:17:16.000 Have a discount from the United States.
00:17:20.000 Hello, I'm a man.
00:17:21.000 I'm married to a woman.
00:17:23.000 My wife reads this magazine.
00:17:25.000 As you can see through the holes of the green, it's called The New Yorker.
00:17:29.000 It's a really pretentious magazine.
00:17:31.000 Every article is about a book long.
00:17:35.000 And sometimes I punish myself by reading the beginning.
00:17:39.000 And they have these fun little tidbits at the beginning just to sort of lure you in.
00:17:45.000 And in the section, Homecoming, The Feelings, they talk about Sarah Kay, K-A-Y, and Phil Kay.
00:17:55.000 There they are.
00:17:56.000 And I like to check in two boomer liberals and see what they see as valid.
00:18:03.000 And these are two Jewish Japanese kids, Upper West Side types.
00:18:09.000 I think they're actually Californians, but they fit in beautifully with the Upper West Side, Upper East Side.
00:18:16.000 Same thing.
00:18:17.000 And they do poetry.
00:18:19.000 They do slam poetry.
00:18:21.000 And so I read this when I'm sitting in my kitchen and I go, okay, I'll look it up on my computer.
00:18:27.000 I'll see on the off chance there's any validity in boomer liberal culture, in rich people culture.
00:18:33.000 And I look at it and go, way shittier than I could have ever imagined.
00:18:38.000 And by the way, Sarah Kay and Phil Kay. 1.00
00:18:41.000 Phil, if you're not gay, why are you not fucking her? 1.00
00:18:44.000 You guys go on tour together doing this shit? 1.00
00:18:47.000 If you're not gay, you're going to dick jail. 1.00
00:18:50.000 You guys are the same. 1.00
00:18:51.000 It's your buddy, but with genitalia that fits. 0.98
00:18:55.000 Anyway, this poem, which has like a billion views. 0.98
00:18:59.000 So in the millennials love it, boomers love it. 0.62
00:19:03.000 This is a bunch of sexless millennials telling us what love is, because we don't know. 1.00
00:19:11.000 Tell us about love, you fucking nerds. 0.99
00:19:14.000 I. I knew exactly what love looked like in seventh grade. 0.99
00:19:27.000 Even though I hadn't met love yet, If love had wandered into my homeroom, I would have recognized him at first glance.
00:19:35.000 Love wore a hemp necklace.
00:19:40.000 I would have recognized her at first glance.
00:19:42.000 Just pause.
00:19:43.000 Look how smug they are.
00:19:45.000 They're so proud of themselves for writing this mediocre poem that, as a high school teacher, if you read it as an essay, you'd go, what are you doing?
00:19:52.000 What's the point here?
00:19:53.000 What are you doing?
00:19:54.000 But when they frame it like this and they speak simultaneously, it's seen as some sort of incredible talent.
00:20:03.000 Help me out here.
00:20:04.000 What is this thing?
00:20:07.000 Wore a tight French braid.
00:20:08.000 Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
00:20:12.000 Love wasn't afraid to ride the bus with me.
00:20:15.000 And I knew.
00:20:16.000 I just must be checking the wrong classroom.
00:20:18.000 Just must be searching the wrong hallways.
00:20:21.000 She was there.
00:20:22.000 Must have been searching the wrong hallway.
00:20:22.000 I was there.
00:20:24.000 She was there with her French braid. 0.77
00:20:26.000 Finally showed up.
00:20:27.000 She had a bowl cut.
00:20:28.000 He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
00:20:32.000 Love hated the bus.
00:20:33.000 Love didn't know anything about the Beatles.
00:20:36.000 Instead, every time I tried to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
00:20:41.000 Love was in the beat.
00:20:42.000 I remember when I was a young man, maybe 19, my father said to me, I don't get poetry.
00:20:47.000 I understand saying that is a thing, but why would you have this roundabout way of going from right to left, right to left, then eventually going that is a thing?
00:20:57.000 And I thought he was insane when he said that, but I couldn't agree more.
00:21:00.000 How superfluous is this?
00:21:02.000 How self-indulgent is this? 1.00
00:21:04.000 How frivolous and fucking useless is are these two children telling us what love is? 0.99
00:21:13.000 That this guy liked a chick who had a French braid, and this guy liked a guy with a hemp necklace when she was eight years old or something? 0.99
00:21:22.000 I don't care.
00:21:23.000 I know you did.
00:21:24.000 I assumed you did.
00:21:26.000 Now I'm talking like a poet.
00:21:28.000 I assumed you did, and we all assumed together.
00:21:33.000 Reason I lied to my parents.
00:21:34.000 I'm going to Ben's house.
00:21:38.000 Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
00:21:43.000 Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up, it would be...
00:21:47.000 Hello.
00:21:51.000 Oh, my God.
00:21:54.000 I guess they hung up.
00:21:55.000 And love grew.
00:21:56.000 Just pause.
00:21:57.000 I get accused of bigotry a lot, and they assume I hate black people and Jews and trans and whatever. 0.74
00:22:03.000 I am a bigot. 0.99
00:22:04.000 I hate these people. 0.98
00:22:06.000 These people, the things they like, that guy's shirt, the way he wears his shirt, her brooch, her jewelry, the people in the audience, they make me sick to my stomach. 0.99
00:22:16.000 They make my blood boil. 0.98
00:22:18.000 I hate them. 0.92
00:22:19.000 So yes, I guess I am a bigot in that sense. 0.92
00:22:21.000 I do have hate in my heart. 1.00
00:22:23.000 And it's hate for these fucking cunts. 1.00
00:22:29.000 Like a trampoline. 1.00
00:22:30.000 Love changed.
00:22:31.000 Love changed.
00:22:32.000 Disappeared.
00:22:33.000 Slowly.
00:22:34.000 Like baby teeth.
00:22:36.000 Like butterfarts.
00:22:38.000 Love vanished like a amateur magician.
00:22:41.000 Everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
00:22:43.000 Like a flat tire.
00:22:45.000 There were other places I had planned on going.
00:22:48.000 But my plans didn't matter.
00:22:49.000 Love stayed away for years.
00:22:51.000 And when love finally realized that.
00:22:53.000 It's like, you know what this is?
00:22:54.000 This is the sound of someone with a doting mother who's just sitting on the couch at home in the basement going, unbelievable.
00:23:00.000 This is so good.
00:23:02.000 Oh my God, you have an incredible gift.
00:23:04.000 And then they go out and all these other doting mothers go, oh, I wish that was my child. 1.00
00:23:09.000 Actually, my child is as good as this.
00:23:11.000 She's coming on next.
00:23:12.000 It's sort of like pageantry, you know, like those beauty pageants for those four-year-olds.
00:23:17.000 That's what this is. 1.00
00:23:18.000 This is the Diamonds in Tiara's shit. 0.99
00:23:22.000 I barely recognized her. 1.00
00:23:24.000 Love smelled different now.
00:23:26.000 A broader back.
00:23:26.000 Had darker eyes.
00:23:27.000 Love came with freckles I didn't recognize.
00:23:30.000 Professor.
00:23:30.000 New birthmark.
00:23:31.000 A softer voice.
00:23:32.000 Now there were new sleeping patterns.
00:23:34.000 New favorite books.
00:23:34.000 Love had stopped.
00:23:35.000 Stop.
00:23:36.000 I can't do this anymore. 1.00
00:23:38.000 This is fucking garbage. 1.00
00:23:40.000 I just have to wait and see. 1.00
00:23:47.000 Ryan wants us to do a poem like that.
00:23:49.000 I do.
00:23:50.000 I don't know if you're funny enough.
00:23:53.000 Is it about funny or is it about scale?
00:23:55.000 Well, we'd have to write it.
00:23:57.000 Yeah, I've been writing songs my whole life.
00:24:00.000 Okay.
00:24:01.000 We'd have to be incredibly witty.
00:24:04.000 I don't have an interview this episode.
00:24:06.000 I want to talk to James O'Keefe maybe next episode.
00:24:10.000 He stopped settling lawsuits.
00:24:12.000 I think he settled when he first started because, you know, he'd say it's $300,000 and five years of your life to fight this.
00:24:20.000 Just take the plea.
00:24:21.000 And then, of course, the media says James O'Keefe pleads guilty.
00:24:24.000 They do this to proud boys, too.
00:24:25.000 They pled guilty.
00:24:27.000 Well, yeah, sort of.
00:24:28.000 It was five days of community service, picking up garbage by the highway, or another $35,000, two years of your life, 12-hour depositions, going to court again and again, taking off work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:24:40.000 And people just don't have the money.
00:24:42.000 So pleading guilty doesn't mean anything, you heartless cads.
00:24:46.000 When the Muhammad video guy was put away, it didn't mean that he deserved to be put away.
00:24:52.000 Then conversely, you have, you know, what's her name, Tina Fox, Tim, what's her name?
00:24:58.000 Kim Fox saying that Jussie Smollett shouldn't be prosecuted.
00:24:58.000 Fox?
00:25:04.000 She says, just because someone has done something wrong, just because someone's done a crime, doesn't mean they should be prosecuted.
00:25:11.000 Sounds reasonable.
00:25:13.000 She looks like an Australian Aboriginal. 0.99
00:25:15.000 A little bit.
00:25:17.000 Like a she-hulk. 1.00
00:25:22.000 Is that racist to say someone looks like a different type of black person? 0.94
00:25:26.000 I don't know, but she has skipping stones on her neck. 1.00
00:25:29.000 Those are like perfect skipping stones.
00:25:31.000 There was another black guy, a prosecutor in Dallas, County DA, who said that you shouldn't prosecute someone if they spent.
00:25:38.000 They stole something under $750.
00:25:42.000 Sounds reasonable.
00:25:43.000 Anyway, so we don't want to have a guest today, but it's great that James has stopped settling and he just takes it.
00:25:51.000 Like there was, takes it to the end, sits there for 13 hours, pays hundreds of thousands of dollars.
00:25:57.000 A third of his job is court now.
00:26:00.000 And I think it's these globalist Soros-related groups that are funding these people.
00:26:06.000 And they just say, here's $300,000.
00:26:08.000 Because the people suing will be like a teacher.
00:26:11.000 and you go, where'd you get $300,000?
00:26:14.000 But James is winning now.
00:26:15.000 And it's consequential because all of these globalist billionaires are going, wait a minute, these guys aren't settling anymore?
00:26:23.000 Well, this is not as lucrative.
00:26:24.000 But we'll get to that on another day.
00:26:27.000 I have much more important news.
00:26:29.000 The 25 Hottest Chicks has been updated.
00:26:34.000 And there's been some pretty big changes.
00:26:39.000 I think the biggest one is Amelia Clark. 0.98
00:26:44.000 She's out.
00:26:45.000 She was, where was she now?
00:26:47.000 She was high up.
00:26:49.000 She was in the top five.
00:26:50.000 I think she was right below Kimbra. 0.96
00:26:53.000 She may have been number three. 1.00
00:26:55.000 And this is because in the movie Han Solo, she is unspeakably gorgeous.
00:27:01.000 I saw the movie with my wife, and she's so pretty in it that I had to pull back so my wife couldn't see my face. 1.00
00:27:08.000 And I was like this for half the movie.
00:27:13.000 It was like watching a car crash, but gorgeous.
00:27:17.000 This is like, well, now why is she off the list?
00:27:20.000 She's off the list because she had a brain aneurysm. 0.85
00:27:24.000 And that's gross. 0.99
00:27:26.000 Ladies, if you want to know how to not make a guy horny, then have a brain aneurysm. 1.00
00:27:31.000 Now, she did have a brain aneurysm, and that's very sad, but and these shoes are weird, gross old lady shoes that your grandmother wears to your funeral because she can't wear heels anymore. 0.97
00:27:43.000 And I hate black toenail polish, but that's not why she's off the list. 1.00
00:27:48.000 Not the brain aneurysm, that was a joke.
00:27:50.000 Not these shoes, though we're not nuts about them.
00:27:53.000 It's what she's doing in these shoes. 0.99
00:27:55.000 She did a song with Chris Martin of Coldplay, I believe, where she did a politically correct reggae version of a Game of Thrones story, without a Jamaican accent, because that's racist, of course.
00:28:08.000 But still maintains the tone, the reggaeton.
00:28:11.000 It's not reggaeton.
00:28:12.000 That's Puerto Rican. 0.63
00:28:13.000 This is reggae-toned satire.
00:28:16.000 And it's why Amelia Clark went from the top five hottest chicks in the world to nowhere on the list. 0.99
00:28:24.000 I don't know what number she is now.
00:28:26.000 41, maybe?
00:28:28.000 Yeah.
00:28:28.000 Oh, like if the list extended, I'd say like in the triple digit, like 119.
00:28:33.000 She's 109 from top five to 119.
00:28:36.000 That's how fickle us men are.
00:28:38.000 That's how shallow we can be.
00:28:40.000 Anyway, let's have a look at what killed Amelia Clark.
00:28:44.000 was not her brain aneurysm.
00:28:46.000 Game of what now?
00:28:48.000 Oh.
00:28:50.000 Hey.
00:28:50.000 Hey.
00:28:51.000 I'm a Rastafarian.
00:28:53.000 Targaryen.
00:28:53.000 Oh.
00:28:55.000 I got some dragons and they are very scary.
00:28:58.000 Been here and there and then I do.
00:29:00.000 Been everywhere again.
00:29:01.000 Rastafarian.
00:29:03.000 Target.
00:29:04.000 Targaryen.
00:29:05.000 When you wanna reach me, and if you feel the love, then you can call me Kali.
00:29:09.000 She got so many names.
00:29:11.000 I'm queen of the angels.
00:29:13.000 Queen of the Marine.
00:29:14.000 Yeah, you can kiss me, Sandals.
00:29:16.000 No, thank you.
00:29:18.000 Oh my god.
00:29:19.000 I got goose pimples all in the back of my neck and then on this part of my arm.
00:29:25.000 Douche chills. 0.99
00:29:26.000 I am a goose pimple.
00:29:27.000 I'm just a walking...
00:29:32.000 Nice to know you.
00:29:34.000 Nice.
00:29:35.000 My fantasies, you can go come into my fantasies.
00:29:38.000 You'll see a bag packed.
00:29:39.000 Your toothbrush is there. 0.61
00:29:41.000 Come pick up your stuff from my wank fantasies. 1.00
00:29:44.000 You are a cringe-worthy gross chicken. 1.00
00:29:46.000 You are not on the list no more. 0.99
00:29:48.000 It would be funny, though, if she did a real ghetto Ponda Gully dance hall song, which is like, here the leg, kuff, raka jagat. 0.99
00:29:57.000 Girl flex, time to have sex. 1.00
00:30:02.000 We know for why you're going to vex me so. 0.99
00:30:04.000 Kuff, kuff, here the leg, and raka jagat.
00:30:08.000 Yeah, that way. 1.00
00:30:09.000 It's like, oh shit. 1.00
00:30:11.000 She could do it. 1.00
00:30:12.000 Actually, the cover of Batty Boy by Buju Bantan.
00:30:16.000 By buying the Batty Boy face.
00:30:18.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:22.000 It's got gunshots in it.
00:30:24.000 Find that song.
00:30:25.000 Christophon Toster.
00:30:26.000 Christopher Van Tost.
00:30:31.000 It's called Batty.
00:30:32.000 Cutty Ranks.
00:30:32.000 Batty Boy by Buju Bantan.
00:30:34.000 It's an anti-gay song that ruined his career.
00:30:38.000 He's still, this was like 35 years ago.
00:30:41.000 They're still persecuting him for this song.
00:30:43.000 He did an infomercial about AIDS and awareness and pro-gay stuff. 0.94
00:30:48.000 And in his defense, some gay guy had just molested a bunch of kids in Kingston, Jamaica. 0.83
00:30:56.000 And he was like 19 at the time. 0.79
00:30:58.000 So the vibe was not very gay-friendly. 0.99
00:31:00.000 But a batty boy is a homosexual. 1.00
00:31:02.000 I believe it's a reference to the bat. 1.00
00:31:03.000 You're a boy who likes bats.
00:31:05.000 Play this song.
00:31:12.000 Is this the right one?
00:31:14.000 It's a remix.
00:31:15.000 the remix but that's fine.
00:31:15.000 It's sped up.
00:31:17.000 We know fi promote dem batty boy dem hafi dead. 1.00
00:31:25.000 That means they have to die? 1.00
00:31:27.000 Yeah, they have to be killed. 1.00
00:31:31.000 Anyways, that's quite a tangent. 0.99
00:31:34.000 Also off the list is Amelia Clark.
00:31:37.000 She was number four, I think, right next to her.
00:31:41.000 And I just...
00:31:43.000 Wasn't Amelia Clark the one we just went through?
00:31:45.000 Did I just say Amelia Clark?
00:31:46.000 I'm sorry.
00:31:47.000 Ella Belinska.
00:31:47.000 I'm sorry.
00:31:49.000 Ella Balinska is off the list.
00:31:52.000 And she's off the list.
00:31:54.000 It's going to sound crazy, but for being too pretty, too fragile, not enough character, not enough oomph.
00:32:01.000 Like I want, if you look at the number one, Kimbra, she's got some culture to her. 1.00
00:32:04.000 This is just an obscenely attractive woman to the point of ridiculousness. 1.00
00:32:10.000 And you'll notice on this list, there's a lot of random chicks from commercials and stuff. 1.00
00:32:17.000 But supermodels don't really need to get on because I don't really find supermodels hot. 1.00
00:32:24.000 They just look inhuman.
00:32:25.000 And half the time they look handsome with their square chins.
00:32:31.000 So we had some pretty normal moves, but I'm just going to stick to the drastic ones here.
00:32:38.000 Liz Plank.
00:32:41.000 She's such a feminist. 1.00
00:32:42.000 She's so liberal.
00:32:43.000 I know she'd hate to be on this list, and that turns me off.
00:32:46.000 So I moved her.
00:32:48.000 So she was number 15 previously.
00:32:51.000 She's now way down to number 21. 1.00
00:32:55.000 Another one who plummeted down the list, probably for the same reason, there she is. 1.00
00:33:00.000 She's basically gone.
00:33:01.000 I wouldn't be surprised if she gets pushed out soon. 0.57
00:33:03.000 And it's because she's a feminist who hates being beautiful. 1.00
00:33:06.000 And that wrecks her beauty.
00:33:08.000 You know what I mean?
00:33:09.000 She's not cool with it.
00:33:11.000 I need to be taken seriously as a feminist. 1.00
00:33:13.000 Okay, well, then you're not a hot chick anymore. 1.00
00:33:16.000 Similarly, Allison Stokie.
00:33:19.000 She was number five.
00:33:21.000 She's now number 18. 0.86
00:33:23.000 She went way down the list, and it's for similar reasons.
00:33:25.000 She's not a feminist, but she hates that she is ogled, and she hates that men find her attractive. 1.00
00:33:30.000 Yeah, sorry about that, by the way.
00:33:32.000 Please forgive me for noticing.
00:33:34.000 I'm not nuts about a six-pack. 0.99
00:33:38.000 When you're down in that region, you must look up and see a very, I mean, assuming your boobs are hidden, you're looking at a very fit man's belly, a gay man's belly. 1.00
00:33:49.000 Gay men have that. 0.99
00:33:51.000 Don't do that, ladies. 1.00
00:33:52.000 Not many of you do.
00:33:54.000 That's gross, man. 0.97
00:33:55.000 That is gross. 0.56
00:33:57.000 Korianka Kilcher, she plummeted also down to number 17 from number nine. 0.99
00:34:06.000 Other people didn't move much.
00:34:08.000 Oh, yeah.
00:34:09.000 She's too young, by the way.
00:34:10.000 In that movie, The New World, she's 14. 0.93
00:34:12.000 That's gross. 1.00
00:34:13.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:34:14.000 Kimberly Guilfoyle. 1.00
00:34:16.000 I realized after we were done the list, we forgot Fox News.
00:34:19.000 So Kimberly Guilfoyle magically appeared from zero. 0.95
00:34:23.000 She was not on the list.
00:34:24.000 She's now number 13. 0.79
00:34:25.000 Brian, could you choose a worse picture of her, please?
00:34:28.000 She looks like a yam. 1.00
00:34:30.000 What is this, Thanksgiving?
00:34:31.000 I don't know.
00:34:33.000 There's so many hot pictures of her.
00:34:35.000 Change that photograph.
00:34:36.000 Okay.
00:34:40.000 1114.
00:34:41.000 I'm not mentioning the ones that just did a little bit of moving.
00:34:44.000 Oh, here's one.
00:34:46.000 From zero.
00:34:47.000 Nowhere on the list.
00:34:48.000 We had forgotten about her.
00:34:50.000 To number six, Grace Fulton. 0.99
00:34:54.000 Grace Fulton, I'd never seen her before I saw the movie Shazam.
00:34:58.000 Not the most amazing picture of her.
00:35:00.000 Her chin is a bit too intense.
00:35:02.000 But she looks like an insane beauty. 1.00
00:35:04.000 There's nothing special about her.
00:35:06.000 She grew up, I think, in the Midwest, Indiana, maybe somewhere like that. 0.99
00:35:10.000 You know, I think her parents might have been in stupid drama stuff like theater. 1.00
00:35:15.000 But holy crap, is she a looker? 1.00
00:35:18.000 She looks like Beatrice Dahl with normal teeth. 0.97
00:35:21.000 So she suddenly appeared in number six.
00:35:24.000 You know who else we don't have in here?
00:35:28.000 That chick, that Fox News chick who looks like a Bambi. 1.00
00:35:34.000 What the hell is her name? 0.63
00:35:36.000 She's always on Tucker.
00:35:38.000 And she's got these cute lips, big teeth. 1.00
00:35:42.000 She looks like a bunny that you said. 1.00
00:35:43.000 Yeah.
00:35:43.000 I remember.
00:35:44.000 Oh, Lisa Booth.
00:35:45.000 Lisa Booth.
00:35:46.000 Is Lisa Booth not on this list anywhere?
00:35:49.000 No.
00:35:50.000 See?
00:35:51.000 This thing is so amorphous.
00:35:53.000 It's like taking a picture of a black hole.
00:35:55.000 Look at her.
00:35:56.000 She's a cartoon. 0.99
00:35:57.000 She's a Disney cartoon. 1.00
00:35:59.000 We'll have to get her on the list somehow.
00:36:01.000 I'm happy to kick out Allison Stoke entirely. 0.99
00:36:05.000 But yeah, I think that's the only movement we have.
00:36:10.000 Number two, still Sonoya Mizuno, and we still have Kimbra at the very top. 0.98
00:36:15.000 Congratulations.
00:36:17.000 There's Kimbra right here. 1.00
00:36:21.000 That's a good picture, right?
00:36:22.000 Yeah.
00:36:23.000 I don't know what to look for here.
00:36:25.000 You have a weird taste. 0.99
00:36:27.000 You hate Asians. 1.00
00:36:28.000 Don't like them at all. 1.00
00:36:31.000 As people racist.
00:36:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:33.000 You're a racist person. 0.99
00:36:34.000 That's fair. 0.99
00:36:36.000 I'm fine with that.
00:36:37.000 That would be funny.
00:36:39.000 This New Yorker journalist is writing a book about conservatives.
00:36:45.000 And a fact-checker called me yesterday.
00:36:48.000 And she was going through all these things. 1.00
00:36:50.000 And it said things like, if you call us a Nazi, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. 1.00
00:36:54.000 And I was like, yeah, that's fair. 1.00
00:36:56.000 I probably said that.
00:36:58.000 You also said to a journalist from ABC, why are you everyone calling me racist?
00:37:02.000 I got plenty of true stuff you could accuse me of.
00:37:04.000 Like, I'm kind of xenophobic.
00:37:05.000 I'm pretty darn sexist. 0.82
00:37:07.000 And you could make a good case for Islamophobe. 0.96
00:37:09.000 Islamophobia.
00:37:11.000 And I was like, yep, said that. 0.92
00:37:15.000 At Deplorable, a man, you approached a man, you threw his phone on the ground, licked his face, and then punched another man in the face.
00:37:23.000 Yep.
00:37:23.000 Yep.
00:37:24.000 That's about right.
00:37:25.000 That's about what happened.
00:37:28.000 I want that to happen on that to catch a predator thing where they go, so what are you doing here? 0.99
00:37:33.000 Oh, I met a 14-year-old online, and she was being very effusive sexually, and I thought, I want to have sex with her. 0.98
00:37:39.000 So I brought over a bunch of wine coolers to get her drunk and a condom, and I'm here to do the deed. 0.99
00:37:44.000 Bye.
00:37:44.000 Who are you?
00:37:46.000 How does that happen?
00:37:47.000 I'm actually Chris Hansen.
00:37:49.000 Oh, so it's not happening?
00:37:49.000 Oh.
00:37:50.000 Ah, shit. 1.00
00:37:52.000 Why don't you take a seat? 1.00
00:37:55.000 You said that you want to have sex. 0.99
00:37:58.000 He ends up seducing the guy. 0.98
00:38:02.000 You talk so sexually. 0.80
00:38:04.000 You sound like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show. 0.82
00:38:07.000 So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab.
00:38:13.000 I see you were messaging her with Antissa patient.
00:38:18.000 Oh, you could have gone way longer on that one, dude.
00:38:20.000 If you were a true artist, you would have done one minute.
00:38:23.000 No way.
00:38:24.000 And we would have been sitting here.
00:38:25.000 It would have been a crazy part of the show.
00:38:27.000 People would be talking about it for years.
00:38:28.000 No way you would let me wait.
00:38:30.000 Yes, I would.
00:38:30.000 And then you could toggle back to me and you in different shots.
00:38:37.000 We'll do it next time.
00:38:38.000 No, you blew it.
00:38:39.000 It's just over?
00:38:42.000 All right, we're running out of time here.
00:38:45.000 I want to squeeze in the mail bag.
00:38:48.000 That's what she said. 1.00
00:38:50.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad. 0.95
00:38:54.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag Let me touch it Can you pull this up on the screen? 0.99
00:39:06.000 Because the one I printed out, I get a lot of women sending me letters. 1.00
00:39:11.000 Not seductive letters, as you may have guessed when you look at this, but just letters about life.
00:39:18.000 I think a lot of them appreciate that I venerate the housewife.
00:39:21.000 And they go, finally, somebody doesn't want me to be a sex object, a colostomy bag for other men's seminal fluids for the rest of my life.
00:39:30.000 So this is from a woman named Alyssa Doot.
00:39:32.000 No, no, no.
00:39:33.000 It's in the separate document.
00:39:34.000 Once again, told you that before.
00:39:37.000 It'll be on screen.
00:39:39.000 Alyssa Doot.
00:39:40.000 Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
00:39:41.000 No, I want it on screen because mine's cropped a bit.
00:39:45.000 I don't think you ever linked me to it.
00:39:47.000 Well, if you go to the Google Docs, there's one called a male.
00:39:50.000 Very clear.
00:39:51.000 Very clear.
00:39:52.000 And it's the top one.
00:39:53.000 But you have to share it with me.
00:39:54.000 I don't think you shared it with me.
00:39:56.000 What?
00:39:56.000 Yeah, you have to share.
00:39:57.000 I'm not automatically included in all your docs. 1.00
00:39:59.000 Oh, that's stupid. 0.99
00:40:01.000 I know. 1.00
00:40:02.000 All right.
00:40:03.000 I'm not impressed by Google Docs.
00:40:05.000 You youngsters always make me go to Google Docs.
00:40:07.000 It doesn't print well, and it's not better than email.
00:40:10.000 I like my old-fashioned email.
00:40:12.000 You could just have looked this up by now.
00:40:15.000 Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
00:40:16.000 I hope this is the right email address.
00:40:17.000 We'll see how this goes.
00:40:18.000 I had to read a book titled Unwind for one of my classes.
00:40:22.000 The book has an interesting premise, and I'm curious what you guys think.
00:40:26.000 It's a young adult novel about life after a fictional Second Civil War fought between those who are pro-life and those who are pro-choice.
00:40:33.000 I'm guessing a lot of this letter because about 25% of it is cut off on one side.
00:40:38.000 The compromise that was reached to end the war was the signing of the Bill of Life, a bill that made all abortion legal.
00:40:45.000 However, this comes with two stipulations.
00:40:48.000 First, desperate mothers are allowed to leave their children on the doorstep, making owners of the house the legal gardens of the child. 0.97
00:40:55.000 These people are allowed to keep the baby or give it to an orphanage.
00:40:57.000 Second, parents can choose to have their children terminated anytime between the ages of 13 to 18.
00:41:04.000 This is called being unwound, a process that includes harvesting organs and other body parts for donation.
00:41:10.000 God, this says so much.
00:41:11.000 Once the unwind order has been given, it can't be taken back, and the only hope for these kids is to run away and survive until the age of 18, when they cannot be unwound.
00:41:20.000 What do you guys think of this premise?
00:41:21.000 I didn't think the compromise made sense.
00:41:23.000 It seems unrealistic to me that either would be okay with this.
00:41:26.000 This compromise seems to imply that pro-lifers only care about preventing the murder of children and that pro-choicers just want to kill children, regardless of the age.
00:41:33.000 The author doesn't seem to understand the beliefs of both these parties.
00:41:36.000 Thank you for all you do, and thank your wife, too, for holding down the house while you fight the good fight.
00:41:39.000 Alicia Doot.
00:41:42.000 Callo, it's a base.
00:41:47.000 Cello, it's a base.
00:41:49.000 Could you have a t-shirt that says that and has Jack Black's face?
00:41:52.000 Could he sue you?
00:41:53.000 Does he have his own face copyrighted?
00:41:56.000 Like if it was a drawing of him?
00:41:58.000 No, I think you could, I think, get a bunch of people.
00:42:00.000 I don't think you own a drawing of your face.
00:42:02.000 No. 0.99
00:42:03.000 So don't go and make a t-shirt with my face that just has fag at the dump. 0.99
00:42:07.000 No. 0.98
00:42:08.000 Unless you want to be very funny.
00:42:12.000 How funny would that be if I ran into someone with that shirt on and went, hey?
00:42:16.000 And then they go, oh, hey.
00:42:18.000 Are you mad?
00:42:19.000 Imagine they just didn't react.
00:42:22.000 Or they just walked by and went like this.
00:42:26.000 That's one of my cooler enemies.
00:42:28.000 Sticking to it.
00:42:31.000 He didn't put the shirt on and forget what he stands for.
00:42:33.000 You know, sometimes they're like, dude, me too.
00:42:35.000 And you're like, what do you mean? 1.00
00:42:36.000 And then you look down and you're like, oh, shit. 1.00
00:42:37.000 Trump shirt on. 1.00
00:42:38.000 Mexicans go home. 1.00
00:42:43.000 I think this letter perfectly sums up why I hate academia, why I hate college, why I hate teachers, why I hate professors. 0.99
00:42:51.000 They are communists, and communists have no value for human life. 0.96
00:42:55.000 They also don't have kids.
00:42:57.000 The person who wrote this book doesn't have kids.
00:43:00.000 And the people who write these stories, they don't have kids.
00:43:03.000 They don't care about children. 0.54
00:43:04.000 And this is the worst thing about communism, where they'll happily just sign a decree. 0.99
00:43:08.000 Stalin will write down, yeah, let's kill 40 million Bolsheviks. 0.99
00:43:12.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:43:13.000 And Holodomor. 0.69
00:43:14.000 Yeah, let's Hitler, the socialist. 1.00
00:43:17.000 Yeah, let's kill 6 million Jews. 1.00
00:43:18.000 Yeah, let's do that. 1.00
00:43:20.000 Mao, the communist. 1.00
00:43:21.000 Yeah, let's kill 80 million Chinese. 1.00
00:43:24.000 Anyone who opposes me, really, and the entire middle class, let's kill them. 1.00
00:43:29.000 And you see these academics talking about abortion a day after the baby is born. 0.99
00:43:34.000 I've actually heard academics, in fact, my teacher, when I was in college myself at Carleton University in philosophy, my teacher was Marvin Glass, head of the Canadian Communist Party at the time.
00:43:45.000 And he told us it's okay to have an abortion up until a year after the baby is born.
00:43:49.000 What?
00:43:51.000 Because here's the logic.
00:43:52.000 A monkey is more human, or whatever criteria you come up with for human, you can recognize people, you're friendly, you know this, you know that.
00:44:00.000 A monkey knows more. 0.99
00:44:02.000 So, ergo, you can kill anything that is less human than a monkey. 0.99
00:44:08.000 Seems logical. 1.00
00:44:09.000 So just go up to a baby with a ball peeing hammer and whack it. 0.95
00:44:12.000 Is this him? 0.85
00:44:13.000 Marvin Glass Ottawa?
00:44:14.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:44:15.000 I haven't seen him in 30 years, so he's just- might not look that way?
00:44:21.000 Okay, yeah, that's him then.
00:44:23.000 He died.
00:44:24.000 Oh, he died?
00:44:24.000 He's older.
00:44:25.000 Yep, that's the same guy.
00:44:26.000 Marvin Glass Ottawa Obituaries.
00:44:29.000 Huh.
00:44:31.000 You know?
00:44:33.000 Doesn't he look like a communist?
00:44:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:35.000 He does.
00:44:36.000 They're dressed the same, too.
00:44:37.000 They're always slovenly.
00:44:40.000 As you wear basically the same coat. 1.00
00:44:44.000 No, but you should have seen his bag and his filthy pants and his stupid. 1.00
00:44:48.000 They always wear slip-on shoes. 1.00
00:44:50.000 How are we doing for time?
00:44:51.000 I think we're out of time.
00:44:52.000 Do we have time to do viral videos?
00:44:55.000 I would think so.
00:44:56.000 Yeah, we're at.
00:44:59.000 Okay, let's do it.
00:45:03.000 This guy I just discovered through my favorite site, Reddit Cringe.
00:45:07.000 And it's just a dude who is...
00:45:15.000 Two, four, six, eight.
00:45:16.000 Yeah, 10 videos.
00:45:17.000 100% of them are nagging people who park on the fire lane at one strip mall in Florida where I think he sells stuff on eBay.
00:45:29.000 So he's always at the post Office dropping off some little art and craft he's put together.
00:45:34.000 Why don't you focus on your own life, dude?
00:45:37.000 Hey, dude, you need to focus on your own life.
00:45:40.000 Dude, you're doing like spaghetti, like picture frames? 1.00
00:45:43.000 You're like crazy gluing like little seashells to shit? 1.00
00:45:46.000 Dude, that's an old lady's hobby. 1.00
00:45:48.000 It must bother people at home when they hear good Bill Burr and then bad Bill Burn, then good Bill Burn, then bad burn.
00:45:53.000 That's an old lady's hobby. 1.00
00:45:54.000 Yeah.
00:45:55.000 Sending stuff to the post office, selling stuff on eBay.
00:45:58.000 I mean, if you own a record store and you've noticed that some of your rarer vinyl sells better on eBay, that's okay.
00:46:05.000 But if you're just assembling bric-a-brac at home, that's not okay.
00:46:10.000 Some jobs for men are not okay.
00:46:12.000 Stay-at-home dad?
00:46:13.000 No.
00:46:15.000 Male nurse? 0.63
00:46:16.000 No.
00:46:18.000 Flight attendant? 0.98
00:46:20.000 If you're not gay, no. 1.00
00:46:23.000 If you have tattoos, remember that one guy had tattoos? 0.98
00:46:26.000 Looked like he could beat both of us up?
00:46:28.000 Yeah, I'm just kind of.
00:46:28.000 I'm just trying to be a bad guy.
00:46:29.000 I'm kind of a badass stewardess.
00:46:31.000 I like white shirts with epaulettes.
00:46:34.000 As Anthony Cumia says, don't you want to be driving the plane?
00:46:39.000 Why are you serving as pretzels? 0.91
00:46:41.000 A waitress in the sky, you call it. 1.00
00:46:43.000 You ain't nothing but a waitress in the sky. 1.00
00:46:46.000 That's the replacements.
00:46:49.000 All right, let's look at the top left one.
00:46:51.000 Just to see.
00:46:53.000 I mean, you don't even have to see the videos.
00:46:54.000 You know where they are.
00:46:59.000 Well, you can't park like that.
00:47:00.000 I don't care.
00:47:05.000 Okay. 0.99
00:47:05.000 I can fucking have a diamond video. 0.99
00:47:08.000 Okay. 0.99
00:47:13.000 What does he call himself?
00:47:15.000 Angry, illegal drivers.
00:47:18.000 They're not driving illegally.
00:47:20.000 They're parking illegally.
00:47:21.000 Why is he so worried about it?
00:47:22.000 I don't even understand what the fire lane is for.
00:47:25.000 Is that so fire trucks can park close?
00:47:27.000 If there's a fire, yeah, they would park there, I suppose.
00:47:30.000 They'll be okay.
00:47:31.000 Tell you what, if there's a major super bonfire and a fire truck shows up and someone's in the way, just ram them out of the way.
00:47:38.000 Yeah.
00:47:38.000 We'll get new headlights.
00:47:40.000 What's this? 1.00
00:47:41.000 Some old bitch. 1.00
00:47:42.000 I love that wallflower song, by the way. 1.00
00:47:44.000 New headlights.
00:47:48.000 Wait, what do you go back?
00:47:50.000 I could watch these all day.
00:47:54.000 Look, he didn't have the courage to confront her.
00:47:56.000 So what are you doing with this tape?
00:47:58.000 You're shaming them with their license plate?
00:48:02.000 The driver can get out of the way.
00:48:03.000 She surprised you and that that's okay.
00:48:05.000 But couldn't talk to a woman. 0.99
00:48:07.000 It actually turns out that you can't do that.
00:48:10.000 The only thing that is allowed is momentary loading and unloading.
00:48:14.000 This is obviously not momentary.
00:48:15.000 They've already been there for, I don't know, 30 seconds, a minute.
00:48:19.000 We've got a second problems, dude.
00:48:23.000 Is that RX-7?
00:48:27.000 What?
00:48:27.000 He's naming the type of car, is he?
00:48:31.000 What is he?
00:48:33.000 Well, look at this guy.
00:48:34.000 You can't park there.
00:48:35.000 Sometimes he gets the courage to say you can't park there, but he thinks showing the driver's license is going to shame them.
00:48:42.000 Do you know how hard it is, even if you know cops, to get information out of a driver's license?
00:48:49.000 It's impossible.
00:48:50.000 You can't park like that, right?
00:48:52.000 There's someone waiting in the car.
00:48:53.000 It's okay.
00:48:54.000 Okay.
00:48:55.000 You send me a ticket, okay?
00:48:57.000 Read up on the law, my friend.
00:48:59.000 You a lawyer? 1.00
00:49:01.000 No, just a loser with no fucking job. 1.00
00:49:03.000 Really? 1.00
00:49:04.000 What did he say? 1.00
00:49:05.000 Are you a lawyer or just some loser with fucking... 1.00
00:49:08.000 Really? 1.00
00:49:08.000 With no fucking job. 1.00
00:49:11.000 Nailed it. 1.00
00:49:12.000 Nailed it, dude.
00:49:14.000 Oh, my God.
00:49:15.000 That guy got it perfect.
00:49:16.000 And his girlfriend laughed at him.
00:49:20.000 Great guy.
00:49:21.000 Sir, you lost this one.
00:49:23.000 And scene. 0.99
00:49:25.000 And then he turns the camera back to himself and you just see a pile of ashes being fucking disintegrated. 0.98
00:49:32.000 Like Thanos' power glove. 0.98
00:49:38.000 Now I'm going to.
00:49:39.000 Okay, don't.
00:49:39.000 We're never going to get better than that.
00:49:40.000 It's too good.
00:49:41.000 It's too good.
00:49:41.000 In fact, we have to end the show.