Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E101 - 10 BEST VIRAL VIDEOS

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.

00:00:20.000 With the broken down porch and the novelty doorbell, the lights are still on.

00:00:26.000 Zoe plays her music low.

00:00:28.000 She's got a bottle on the go.

00:00:29.000 Everything's in.

00:00:32.000 It's been a long night.

00:00:37.000 That was Kate Tempest.

00:00:40.000 I thought she was Karen Tempest for a second until I realized no one is named Karen.

00:00:45.000 No one.

00:00:47.000 That's my theory.

00:00:48.000 That's my new flat earth theory.

00:00:50.000 No one is named Karen.

00:00:51.000 The name does exist in the movie Goodfellas.

00:00:54.000 Yes.

00:00:55.000 That's his significant other.

00:00:58.000 But in real life, no one is named Karen.

00:01:02.000 Mark my words.

00:01:04.000 That is one of my theories.

00:01:06.000 Uh-oh, I don't have my notes.

00:01:08.000 Can you pass me my notes?

00:01:09.000 Of course.

00:01:10.000 What am I, a sick bastard?

00:01:15.000 You no note-handed-ass motherfucker. 0.74

00:01:20.000 I guess I'll have to use this blue pen.

00:01:22.000 You passer of no notes.

00:01:24.000 Kate Tempest is a spoken word poetress from London, from Westminster, from downtown London.

00:01:32.000 She's got a very East London accent.

00:01:35.000 She went to Croydon, some school in Croydon, but it was some fancy art school.

00:01:39.000 I think she's kind of playing up her working classness. 0.86

00:01:43.000 The same way Jordan Peel went to all Manhattan fancy upper Eastside art schools where they had, you know, gardens on the roof and stuff and took drama.

00:01:53.000 And now he's like, I could never cast a white dude in a movie. 0.75

00:01:56.000 I'm just black, too black, too strong. 0.95

00:01:59.000 Playing up his fake blackness, even though he's about as black as I am.

00:02:04.000 Similarly, I think Kate Tempest is playing up her, hello, I'm working class, and she don't have enough money in the council estate to make, to pay the rent.

00:02:14.000 Oh, no, she doesn't have to pay the rent because she's on the doll, and she comes at home, and her drunk husband beats her, and he's on a doll, too. 0.99

00:02:23.000 I don't know.

00:02:23.000 Westminster's pretty nice.

00:02:26.000 Do you hate it when people call it London Town?

00:02:29.000 There is a London town.

00:02:31.000 But they're like down in London Town.

00:02:33.000 Yeah, I've never heard that before.

00:02:35.000 I think London proper is about one square mile.

00:02:38.000 Wow.

00:02:38.000 Did you know that?

00:02:39.000 No.

00:02:40.000 But yeah.

00:02:41.000 Also, Paris is very small, is it?

00:02:42.000 Isn't it?

00:02:43.000 I don't think so.

00:02:44.000 Showed Kate Tempest.

00:02:45.000 She's not attractive. 1.00

00:02:47.000 Nor are any Brits, really, outside of maybe 10.

00:02:52.000 Because the Vikings stole them all. 0.95

00:02:55.000 And they would leave girls like this behind.

00:03:00.000 So if you think Scandinavian women are attractive, you're a rape apologist. 0.97

00:03:04.000 Because they got pretty by being stolen.

00:03:07.000 That's why Glaswegian women are so fat and ugly. 1.00

00:03:10.000 Because the Vikings stole all the hot ones. 1.00

00:03:13.000 And like, if you walk around Scandinavia, it's shocking.

00:03:17.000 Shocking.

00:03:18.000 Especially when there's been some race mixing.

00:03:20.000 Shit, I met this half-Egyptian girl in Scandinavia. 1.00

00:03:23.000 Woo! 0.99

00:03:25.000 Wow, what a knockout. 1.00

00:03:27.000 I tried to pick her up.

00:03:27.000 It did not go well.

00:03:29.000 She said something, her friend said something about being a real man.

00:03:33.000 I wasn't being manly enough.

00:03:35.000 Well, those are the kind on the internet.

00:03:39.000 But yeah, those are all stolen women. 1.00

00:03:41.000 They got there from kidnapping.

00:03:43.000 Scandinavian women are pretty because they were robbed. 1.00

00:03:47.000 They are the booty.

00:03:48.000 Their booty is booty. 1.00

00:03:50.000 Their booty is pirate treasure.

00:03:52.000 All right, that's enough nudity, Ryan.

00:03:55.000 Nudity?

00:03:56.000 Nudity?

00:03:58.000 So I guess you'll hear more of that track throughout the show as we segue various things.

00:04:03.000 We're keeping it very light today.

00:04:05.000 Everyone's going to be talking about the impeachment.

00:04:08.000 I don't care.

00:04:09.000 It means nothing.

00:04:11.000 Oh, it's a stain on his legacy.

00:04:13.000 His legacy was already fucked.

00:04:17.000 He's already one of the most hated presidents in history because he's draining the swamp and the left has never been disciplined before.

00:04:25.000 So you know who else is hated in my house?

00:04:29.000 Me, when I say it's bedtime.

00:04:32.000 When I get the kids away from their screens and make them go to bed, make them brush their teeth and put on their PJs, I suck.

00:04:39.000 I'm a bad dude.

00:04:41.000 And that's what Trump is.

00:04:42.000 He's just saying, we're going to shut down these programs.

00:04:46.000 I'm not paying the UN anymore.

00:04:47.000 I'm not going to say anchor babies.

00:04:49.000 It actually doesn't change that much.

00:04:53.000 You want to know a secret about this pocket square?

00:04:55.000 Yeah.

00:04:56.000 It's sewn into the jacket.

00:04:59.000 Wow.

00:05:00.000 But that kind of stinks because you can't change it to express yourself.

00:05:03.000 Yes, you can.

00:05:04.000 You push it down.

00:05:05.000 Now it's just a lining.

00:05:06.000 And then you can put whatever pocket square you want.

00:05:10.000 Maybe I should have no pocket square.

00:05:11.000 That's a little busy.

00:05:13.000 Why did you just show the situation in Donald Trump?

00:05:16.000 I mean, look at him.

00:05:17.000 He's pimping.

00:05:18.000 I don't hear anything.

00:05:20.000 He's pimping?

00:05:21.000 Nope.

00:05:23.000 I mean, look at him.

00:05:24.000 He's pimping.

00:05:24.000 I hear that.

00:05:31.000 I mean, look at him.

00:05:32.000 He's pimping.

00:05:33.000 It's not coming out of the speakers at all.

00:05:36.000 I mean.

00:05:39.000 So, I don't know what's going on with the sound with this show, young man.

00:05:46.000 I'm supposed to give you a Christmas bonus as an employer, but I'm not sure I should.

00:05:53.000 I'm rewarding failure.

00:05:55.000 I mean, look at him.

00:05:56.000 He's pimping.

00:05:57.000 Fixed it isn't good.

00:05:58.000 It shouldn't have been broken in the first place.

00:05:59.000 We're live, live from New York.

00:06:02.000 It's Saturday night on Wednesday.

00:06:05.000 Hump Day.

00:06:06.000 So yeah, the vote to impeach Trump has happened.

00:06:11.000 Oh, no.

00:06:12.000 Oh, no.

00:06:13.000 It's proof that the left hates him.

00:06:15.000 I love the way Nancy Pelosi came into the meeting today wearing black and said she felt really terrible.

00:06:22.000 She also said that she prays for Donald Trump.

00:06:25.000 I'm Catholic.

00:06:26.000 I'm a Christian.

00:06:27.000 I pray for him.

00:06:28.000 Bullshit.

00:06:30.000 Bullshit.

00:06:33.000 Why do you lie?

00:06:36.000 Why?

00:06:38.000 Are you wearing a black dress?

00:06:41.000 So, yeah, this is just more proof that the left hates the right.

00:06:44.000 It's not like Brexit, Boris Johnson, that was a major victory.

00:06:48.000 Trump winning is a victory.

00:06:49.000 Trump getting impeached, even questioning his impeachment, even the whole trial.

00:06:56.000 I haven't been paying attention to it.

00:06:57.000 It's sort of like speeches.

00:07:00.000 I don't watch those because I know they're pre-written and I know exactly what they're going to say about bringing the country together, blah, blah, blah.

00:07:06.000 I only want to see politics when it's off the dome.

00:07:11.000 Anyway, so I hope you're not coming here for heavy politics because you're not going to get it today.

00:07:16.000 Impeachment is a nothing burger, as is Russia Gay. 1.00

00:07:19.000 I mean, it's fucked up that Roger Stone is going to prison.

00:07:22.000 That's when the joke becomes not funny.

00:07:24.000 But right now, it's still in joke territory.

00:07:26.000 He's not leaving.

00:07:28.000 Like I saw on Twitter, all these people going, you're going to jail.

00:07:33.000 They lost credibility with me a long time ago.

00:07:36.000 What's this?

00:07:38.000 The gentleman yields back.

00:07:39.000 The gentleman from New York, Mr. Nadler.

00:07:44.000 I would remind the gentleman that after recovering millions of dollars in ill-gotten gains, the colour investigation was actually a net plus for the taxpayers.

00:07:52.000 I now recognize the gentleman from Colorado, Mr. Nagoose, for two minutes.

00:07:57.000 Boring, boring.

00:07:58.000 Turn it off, turn it off.

00:08:00.000 Say Nagoose?

00:08:02.000 You just.

00:08:03.000 What?

00:08:04.000 Never mind.

00:08:05.000 Here's why I gave up on politics or hearing about it from anything remotely mainstream a long time ago.

00:08:13.000 I saw this guy, Peter Dow, was trending.

00:08:17.000 It was on Twitchy.

00:08:19.000 This is 1-1, though.

00:08:20.000 He said, well, this is his pin tweet.

00:08:23.000 So I'm sort of jumping ahead here.

00:08:26.000 But you know what's weird about this pinned tweet?

00:08:28.000 Look at the woman next to him and how agreeable she is.

00:08:32.000 Like she's looking at him.

00:08:33.000 I wonder if they're married.

00:08:35.000 She's looking at him like a well-heeled mail-order bride. 0.99

00:08:42.000 Okay.

00:08:44.000 There you go.

00:08:45.000 Because if you think of what it means to be far left, you want universal health care.

00:08:50.000 You want fewer shootings in schools.

00:08:52.000 Pause.

00:08:52.000 You want people to be able to have...

00:08:56.000 Yes, that is a thing you should run on.

00:08:58.000 It's your only half-decent point.

00:09:00.000 And we saw Obama do it.

00:09:02.000 It did a terrible job.

00:09:03.000 For him, it was all about control.

00:09:05.000 If I get everyone signed up for my health care plan, I now control your health.

00:09:10.000 So I've lived with it in Britain.

00:09:12.000 I've lived with it in Canada.

00:09:13.000 It has its pros and cons.

00:09:15.000 I'm not sure America's built for it.

00:09:17.000 We've got 30 million illegals and hundreds of thousands of people dying from obesity every year.

00:09:23.000 I'm not sure we can handle free health care.

00:09:26.000 But I will argue that, and I think that's one of the things, one of the issues that there's back and forth on.

00:09:32.000 Secondly, we want less shootings in school.

00:09:38.000 And the right wants more shootings in school?

00:09:41.000 Well, why aren't you exercising proper gun control to stop?

00:09:45.000 Look at these shootings, you dumbass.

00:09:47.000 You just go by emotions.

00:09:49.000 You're such a woman.

00:09:51.000 You're such a broad.

00:09:56.000 Most of these shootings, if not all, happen in areas where the guns are illegal, where he's stolen his mother's gun, or the gun isn't allowed.

00:10:04.000 It's a handgun.

00:10:05.000 They don't have them in that state.

00:10:06.000 We've got a murder a day here in New York.

00:10:09.000 You cannot, cops have trouble renewing their concealed carry permit here in New York, retired cops.

00:10:15.000 So it's one of the hardest places on earth to get a gun, and there's a murder a day with a gun.

00:10:20.000 So your whole idea that you're the only one that wants to stop school shootings.

00:10:24.000 Yeah, well, you want to have teachers armed. 0.92

00:10:26.000 That means blacks are going to get killed because teachers are racist.

00:10:28.000 I've heard that argument from Sean King.

00:10:30.000 No, what we said was if a person is already licensed and permitted to carry a gun, right, and trained and a normal gun person, that person should also be allowed to pursue this legal gun they have at school.

00:10:48.000 And just knowing that there is one, two, three, four people with guns would discourage a mass shooter.

00:10:56.000 No, but mass shooters are crazy.

00:10:58.000 Yeah, but they also are premeditated.

00:11:01.000 And that's why they choose gun-free zones because they are mostly mentally ill, suicidal people who want to go out in the biggest blaze of glory possible.

00:11:10.000 That means the highest body count.

00:11:12.000 That means they don't want anyone there with a gun because they want to get their numbers up so they can be more famous and it can be more of a big to-do.

00:11:21.000 So what else is this clown saying?

00:11:23.000 I've never heard of this guy, Peter Dow.

00:11:25.000 A living wage, affordable college, public.

00:11:28.000 What's far?

00:11:29.000 Pause.

00:11:30.000 A living wage.

00:11:30.000 See, it's fun to parse through the way these people talk.

00:11:33.000 I know I said I wasn't getting into politics and I didn't get into politics, but I'm getting more into like philosophies.

00:11:39.000 And it's pragmatism and realism versus pie in the sky woman shit. 0.98

00:11:45.000 A living wage, the wage goes up every year.

00:11:48.000 15 bucks an hour is what we're up to now in New York.

00:11:52.000 If you don't like 15 bucks an hour, then don't work at McDonald's.

00:11:56.000 You're not supposed to be working at McDonald's as a grown man with a family.

00:12:01.000 That's why it's not a living wage for a man to raise a family. 0.53

00:12:04.000 That's why minimum wages for teens, etc. 0.97

00:12:09.000 Whatever he's saying, I'm just a girl.

00:12:12.000 And what else did he say?

00:12:14.000 A living wage.

00:12:15.000 Right.

00:12:16.000 It's far right.

00:12:18.000 It's affordable college.

00:12:19.000 Yeah, possibly.

00:12:20.000 Affordable college.

00:12:21.000 It's the left who turned college into an unaffordable shithole full of bullshit.

00:12:27.000 Are conservatives responsible for the fact that it costs you a quarter million to get an NYU degree?

00:12:33.000 Is that me?

00:12:34.000 I did that.

00:12:34.000 I don't want you going to school.

00:12:36.000 I want the whole thing burned to the ground.

00:12:39.000 In my world, 5% of the people go on to secondary education.

00:12:43.000 And I'm getting more radical by the day.

00:12:44.000 I'm at the point now where I think 5% should be educated at all.

00:12:51.000 Way less school shootings when there's way less schools.

00:12:54.000 Yeah, that's how we take care of school shootings. 0.97

00:12:55.000 We abolish school.

00:12:58.000 That's just crazy enough for them to agree with me.

00:13:00.000 That would be the weirdest presidential candidate in the world.

00:13:02.000 How do you feel about education?

00:13:04.000 Well, my motto, if you check my website, is fuck school.

00:13:07.000 I don't like school.

00:13:09.000 I think kids should be playing all day.

00:13:11.000 Maybe learn to read, maybe.

00:13:13.000 And if they're nerds and they want to learn about sharks, we can set them up with a marine biology program.

00:13:18.000 But school should be a giant field, giant park with a tiny schoolhouse on it.

00:13:24.000 And if nerds are too wimpy to play or they're real book smart, they're really interested in that, then yeah, stick them in that schoolhouse.

00:13:31.000 There'll be maybe 30 kids in there.

00:13:33.000 That's the way it was in Britain, and it worked well for hundreds of years.

00:13:36.000 O levels.

00:13:38.000 Okay, O levels wasn't hundreds of years.

00:13:40.000 It was probably half a century.

00:13:41.000 But at 13, you take your O levels.

00:13:43.000 If you're smart, no matter what your class is, you could be dirt poor like my dad, boom, you go up to, you get a scholarship and you go to a nice college like Glasgow University.

00:13:53.000 If you're not, like all my dad's brothers, you get a trade.

00:13:57.000 You're both making fairly similar amounts of money.

00:14:00.000 It's a great system.

00:14:02.000 This new system where you spend a quarter, you go a quarter million in debt to learn speech pathology is retarded. 0.96

00:14:10.000 And I hope we look back in 10, 20 years and go, how do they sell us those lemons?

00:14:17.000 It's like selling a Russian car to people that never works and it just keeps going. 0.97

00:14:22.000 They just keep buying it and buying it.

00:14:25.000 Okay, go back to him.

00:14:29.000 What's far right?

00:14:30.000 It's affordable college.

00:14:33.000 Now, this is his pin tweet.

00:14:36.000 How many followers does he have before I waste too much time on this guy?

00:14:41.000 He's got Peter Dow, right?

00:14:45.000 Peter Dow.

00:14:46.000 Yep.

00:14:47.000 Well, looks like he's got himself about 282,000.

00:14:51.000 I think that's more than I had.

00:14:53.000 So this guy is more influential than I am.

00:14:56.000 And this is his logic.

00:14:57.000 And basically, it's teenager logic, right?

00:14:59.000 That's how I spoke when I was 15.

00:15:02.000 This is exactly how I spoke when I was 15.

00:15:03.000 If you talk about what's far away I guess I clicked it too many times, and now it's angry.

00:15:12.000 By the way, when he's talking about far left and far right, there's a very important thing you have to elucidate, which is far left is now basically middle to the left.

00:15:26.000 So Nancy Pelosi, AOC, all the way out to generation extinction or whatever the hell they're called. 1.00

00:15:34.000 Antifa, Maxine Waters, they're all the same philosophy, basically, which is we need to fight them in the streets, right?

00:15:42.000 Let's get violent. 0.99

00:15:42.000 Punch a Nazi. 0.99

00:15:45.000 That's the left.

00:15:46.000 He's talking about far right.

00:15:49.000 That doesn't include me, Tucker Carlson, any of these normal people.

00:15:53.000 He's talking about this tiny, tiny sliver way, way out there.

00:15:58.000 Richard Spencer, Charlottesville dudes, Pepe the Frog, maybe Nick Fuentes and America First, but probably not.

00:16:07.000 So a sliver.

00:16:08.000 And the normal right disavows the Nazis. 0.54

00:16:11.000 They don't disavow Antifa.

00:16:13.000 In fact, they literally give them a get-out-of-jail free card.

00:16:17.000 Schools, you know, you want people to be able to have a living wage, affordable college.

00:16:22.000 She's so proud of her.

00:16:24.000 Her new host husband.

00:16:25.000 It's racism.

00:16:26.000 It's neo-Nazis marketing.

00:16:27.000 Pause.

00:16:29.000 Wow, that happened quick.

00:16:30.000 Yeah, it's bigotry.

00:16:31.000 It's racism.

00:16:32.000 Those are just facts to them.

00:16:35.000 Oh, you support Trump.

00:16:36.000 So you're a racist bigot.

00:16:38.000 Why?

00:16:39.000 Well, you think other countries are shitholes.

00:16:41.000 They are.

00:16:42.000 Well, you don't want infinite Mexicans coming in here. 1.00

00:16:45.000 I don't.

00:16:46.000 Well, you don't think they're sending their best?

00:16:47.000 They're sending their worst.

00:16:49.000 What are we talking about here?

00:16:51.000 What's this got to do with racism?

00:16:52.000 I don't want the Sarnev brothers here. 0.89

00:16:54.000 I don't want white jihadists here either. 1.00

00:16:57.000 Bigotry, racism, and neo-Nazis.

00:16:59.000 And you know what he's talking about with the neo-Nazis, right?

00:17:01.000 That's that old typo that everyone focuses on where he said there were some good people on both sides.

00:17:07.000 There were good people at Charlottesville.

00:17:09.000 They were the ones who showed up because they thought it was about statues.

00:17:12.000 And the first half of the event was about statues.

00:17:16.000 And so Trump was saying those guys there that don't want Confederate statues torn down, that were not yelling Jews rural places and didn't have tiki torches, those guys are good people.

00:17:24.000 And then you had Antifa being violent, so you had bad people.

00:17:27.000 So there was some sort of balance.

00:17:29.000 That also basically prevented a civil war when he said that, because he added nuance.

00:17:36.000 It's racism.

00:17:36.000 It's neo-Nazis marching.

00:17:38.000 So this whole notion that we have to worry about whether Democrats are moving to the left, let's ask ourselves why Republicans are moving so far to the right, which they are.

00:17:47.000 Again, just said like a fact, which they are.

00:17:50.000 Oh, shit.

00:17:51.000 I've had arguments too where they go, bigotry is on the rise in the age of Trump.

00:17:54.000 That's just a fact.

00:17:55.000 And then they stop the discussion.

00:17:57.000 Okay, sorry.

00:17:58.000 I guess you've done your research.

00:18:00.000 Is that the end of it?

00:18:01.000 Yeah.

00:18:04.000 So he was in the news cycle recently because he said that you can't have a billion dollars.

00:18:15.000 He said, why one person should have a billion dollars is beyond me.

00:18:23.000 Can you give me a good reason one person should have a billion dollars?

00:18:27.000 Yes.

00:18:28.000 He works in genetics and he is helping to create a massive database where all of the country's DNA will be stored.

00:18:39.000 And when you get your 23andMe, when you get your genome sequenced or whatever, you go in there and because of this massive AI system, it breaks down for you what your chances are of lung cancer, what your chances are of breast cancer, bone cancer.

00:18:55.000 It breaks down all the things.

00:18:56.000 It tells you when you should be getting pre-screened, things you could do to avoid this.

00:19:01.000 Gavin, you can smoke.

00:19:02.000 You'll be fine.

00:19:03.000 Ryan, you shouldn't.

00:19:04.000 You have a history of lung cancer.

00:19:05.000 You'll get lung cancer like that.

00:19:07.000 That's an incredibly valuable asset that's worth at least a billion dollars.

00:19:12.000 And then people, well, no, that was other people that did that for me.

00:19:16.000 You should pay them first.

00:19:17.000 Yeah, we're talking about a billion dollars after cost.

00:19:20.000 And there's plenty of examples of that.

00:19:21.000 Here's what people don't seem to understand.

00:19:24.000 We have the same kind of the wage gap that we have in this country, right, with the rich 1%.

00:19:29.000 The exact same thing happens in math.

00:19:32.000 There is 1% of the population getting all of the, what's it called, the Nobel Peace Prize for Math, the Fields Medal.

00:19:42.000 We have 1% of the population getting all of the math credit.

00:19:46.000 And the rest of us are stuck here.

00:19:47.000 We can barely do long division.

00:19:49.000 Yeah, that's because these people are extraordinary.

00:19:54.000 Sorry, but two-thirds of the world's billionaires are bootstrapped billionaires who started with nothing.

00:19:59.000 Ralph Loren, Ralph Lipschitz, he started a clothing line where he pushed WASP values. 0.88

00:20:07.000 Americans loved it.

00:20:09.000 As Chris Dialy says, what does she say?

00:20:11.000 Because they created something so fucking marvelous that the whole world wanted it.

00:20:15.000 And then I saw that there was a thing after he got all this backlash for not understanding math, that someone could have earned a billion dollars.

00:20:24.000 And he said, here, click on the original.

00:20:27.000 This might be 1-3.

00:20:28.000 It's just like...

00:20:40.000 Hint they don't.

00:20:42.000 That's kind of why I'm bringing up this whole topic.

00:20:45.000 Because that's a weird thing.

00:20:49.000 I remember David Cross was talking about Ted Cruz way before Trump even got into the election.

00:20:54.000 And he said, Ted, or maybe it was even Mitt Romney.

00:20:57.000 Maybe I'm going back to Obama's second term.

00:20:59.000 He doesn't care about you?

00:21:00.000 And he said, this guy pretends like he can.

00:21:04.000 Let me tell you something.

00:21:05.000 It was the same exact sort of tone.

00:21:06.000 He doesn't care about you.

00:21:08.000 And I was listening to that.

00:21:09.000 I was friends with David at the time.

00:21:11.000 And I was thinking, why the fuck would you want Mitt Romney to care about you?

00:21:16.000 I don't want the president to know who I am.

00:21:18.000 I don't want any politician to know where I live.

00:21:21.000 I wish I was completely off the grid.

00:21:23.000 I'm off the grid.

00:21:26.000 I wish there was no record of my existence.

00:21:29.000 Why would I, why?

00:21:30.000 And then this whole thing about billionaires care about you.

00:21:32.000 Why do I want a billionaire to care about me?

00:21:35.000 And here's another thing.

00:21:37.000 They go, they don't need that much money.

00:21:40.000 Why the fuck would you make all that money?

00:21:42.000 For your kids, for your family.

00:21:45.000 My experience with these guys who are very, very wealthy is they're workaholics.

00:21:50.000 And they don't really, they tend to have grown up lower middle class, sometimes poor.

00:21:54.000 And it's not like they really enjoy silk sheets and yachts for the most part.

00:21:58.000 They like work.

00:21:59.000 They like producing stuff and getting their numbers up and making it more efficient, making things work better.

00:22:04.000 That seems to be their sort of obsession.

00:22:09.000 So you go, well, what's my reward?

00:22:11.000 Well, I know my kids will be taken care of.

00:22:15.000 And that's nice.

00:22:17.000 And that's why a lot of people do it.

00:22:19.000 And that's why we should have no estate tax.

00:22:21.000 I've told you this before, but you know ESPN was started because some child of a billionaire had tons of money to spend.

00:22:29.000 Because the initial pitch of ESPN is impossible.

00:22:33.000 It's, I want to accrue every single game, every college sport, all going on all around the world, and have one massive hub where they all congregate.

00:22:44.000 And you can watch any sports.

00:22:46.000 It's Comedy Central, but for sports.

00:22:49.000 And they were blowing like $350,000 a month, I think, on just accruing all this stuff, getting the rights for it and everything.

00:22:58.000 And that's too expensive.

00:23:00.000 And no bank wants to invest in that.

00:23:02.000 What?

00:23:02.000 You're hemorrhaging cash.

00:23:04.000 Yeah, but in the long run, I'll be a very successful corporation.

00:23:08.000 No.

00:23:09.000 We barely let people buy a house here at the bank.

00:23:12.000 So this billionaire's kid came in and said, that sounds kind of cool.

00:23:15.000 I'm in.

00:23:16.000 Total raging success.

00:23:22.000 They still think the real problem with people like Peter Dow is they think that a billion is a trillion and that a bunch of billionaires can pay off trillions of dollars in debt.

00:23:31.000 We've already explained that, right?

00:23:34.000 Which reminds me of this video I saw today that shows you just how inept the enemies of Trump are with this get off of my cloud cover called, hey, Trump, get out of my house.

00:23:45.000 1-4.

00:23:46.000 Look at his stupid...

00:23:51.000 First of all, we have the sunglasses are cool thing, which has been irritating the crap out of me recently.

00:23:58.000 Why would you think sunglasses are cool in this day and age?

00:24:02.000 And then the superfluous scarves.

00:24:05.000 That's the name of the band, actually.

00:24:07.000 That's pretty good.

00:24:08.000 That's kind of what they are, too.

00:24:10.000 Check out this joke.

00:24:11.000 Is that a guy?

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:23.000 He's a Fed Armiston character.

00:24:25.000 Yeah.

00:24:26.000 Look at that guy with the fucking tongue.

00:24:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:24:32.000 I know you're making fun of me on Gavin's show.

00:24:36.000 Look at them dance.

00:24:38.000 I'm dancing.

00:24:40.000 This is amazing.

00:24:42.000 This is a good jam.

00:24:44.000 Get out of my house.

00:24:46.000 That's not how the song goes.

00:24:48.000 It's get out of my house.

00:24:51.000 This looks like the overflow of my cloud.

00:24:54.000 The immigration line from Margaritaville.

00:24:57.000 You say the immigration line?

00:24:58.000 Yeah.

00:24:59.000 What's an immigration line?

00:25:01.000 Well, here's one.

00:25:02.000 One time, you know, I immigrated so hard, you know, bada boom. 0.98

00:25:07.000 Let's look at some viral videos for.

00:25:09.000 I'm not feeling very political today, especially after that very political rant.

00:25:13.000 Oh, no, this is kind of...

00:25:17.000 What?

00:25:22.000 I'm not sure the situation makes for good video clips.

00:25:26.000 Yeah.

00:25:29.000 Oh, yeah, Brexit.

00:25:31.000 This is 1.9 we're jumping ahead to.

00:25:33.000 I was looking at my boy Danny Tomo's Twitter feed.

00:25:37.000 And yes, I am secretly still on Twitter.

00:25:40.000 And I saw this was the video I was trying to find the other day with a fat pig.

00:25:44.000 The personification of the British anti-Brexit, the remainers in a nutshell.

00:25:50.000 He's remaining on the toilet for so long that his legs go numb as he looks at hot chicks on Instagram and shits out his fish and chips.

00:25:59.000 Out! 0.58

00:26:04.000 I don't fuck Boris.

00:26:05.000 Fuck Boris.

00:26:06.000 Yeah.

00:26:07.000 Fuck homophobia.

00:26:07.000 Fuck racism.

00:26:11.000 Fuck all the money in the offshore account.

00:26:13.000 We want to save our NHS.

00:26:15.000 It's important.

00:26:16.000 We need it.

00:26:17.000 not our Prime Minister.

00:26:22.000 I don't get why they think Boris Johnson is going to end the NHS.

00:26:25.000 That seems like a total tangent.

00:26:29.000 Anyway, look at this bit shoot thing.

00:26:31.000 So Danny goes to this Antifa rally and he's talking to people and they do this really passive-aggressive thing where they kind of bump him as they walk by and then they get more aggressive when they see he's now fighting.

00:26:42.000 Guys, East Londoners, soccer hooligans, have been fighting their whole lives.

00:26:48.000 Your middle class, which is sort of like our equivalent of upper class, you're a toff. 0.99

00:26:54.000 You can't fight.

00:26:55.000 Don't fuck with Tommy's boys.

00:26:56.000 They'll knock you out.

00:26:58.000 They live in looten.

00:27:00.000 They've been attacked by Muslims since they were eight years old.

00:27:07.000 This is Danny.

00:27:07.000 Danny.

00:27:16.000 Thanks very much for that.

00:27:17.000 You know what you gonna do, man?

00:27:18.000 What are you gonna do, man?

00:27:21.000 Hey! 0.99

00:27:22.000 Hey! 0.99

00:27:23.000 See, go back to that punch. 0.99

00:27:25.000 It's kind of a crucial punch.

00:27:30.000 He knocked his hood off.

00:27:33.000 And then you see his face afterwards?

00:27:35.000 He's never been punched before.

00:27:39.000 You see, you see that face?

00:27:42.000 Holy shit, there's consequences for my actions.

00:27:44.000 You just saw a man getting punched in the face for the first time in his life.

00:27:48.000 And there are two types of men in the world.

00:27:49.000 Men who've been punched in the face and men who haven't been punched in the face.

00:27:54.000 And that was a first time out if I've ever seen one.

00:27:59.000 Which makes me want to go on a video tangent.

00:28:03.000 Check out this crazy rich Asian without the rich part. 1.00

00:28:07.000 I don't know what the hell is going on here.

00:28:09.000 I believe the hoser pussy with the dog. 1.00

00:28:13.000 I believe his side of the story, but I have no idea what her motive was.

00:28:20.000 She's assaulting me. 1.00

00:28:22.000 I'm assaulting you.

00:28:23.000 Yes, you're assaulting me.

00:28:25.000 Look at this.

00:28:27.000 Look at this.

00:28:28.000 Maybe she's hungry and she wants this dog.

00:28:32.000 She's the witness.

00:28:33.000 Are you going to hit me?

00:28:35.000 Are you going to fucking hit me?

00:28:35.000 No.

00:28:36.000 No, I'm not.

00:28:39.000 I'm not going to hit you.

00:28:40.000 Can you just pause it for a sec?

00:28:41.000 I'm not proud of this, but there's something that makes me very horny about a truly mentally ill and violent woman. 1.00

00:28:49.000 Wow.

00:28:50.000 Am I alone on that?

00:28:51.000 You hate Asians, but...

00:28:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:00.000 they snap after a while from the pressure.

00:29:01.000 Take your fucking dog away. 0.99

00:29:04.000 Don't fucking take my dog away.

00:29:07.000 I'm going to say dog boy?

00:29:08.000 No, I'm going to take your fucking dog away. 1.00

00:29:11.000 Fucking dog away.

00:29:13.000 Don't fucking take my dog away.

00:29:16.000 This is when, like, you try to get a dog to pick up chicks and it goes way too well.

00:29:20.000 Yeah.

00:29:21.000 I want that.

00:29:22.000 Yeah.

00:29:23.000 I'm going to punch you.

00:29:25.000 Beat you for it.

00:29:26.000 You're going to hit me?

00:29:27.000 I'm trying to get out of here.

00:29:29.000 She's walking around kicking dogs. 1.00

00:29:32.000 Again, where's the humor?

00:29:34.000 Why aren't you laughing, dude?

00:29:35.000 This is funny.

00:29:36.000 She can't beat you up.

00:29:37.000 She weighs 37 pounds.

00:29:38.000 You kick my dog.

00:29:39.000 My daughter could beat her up. 1.00

00:29:41.000 Kicking dogs.

00:29:43.000 What?

00:29:43.000 She kicked his dog.

00:29:44.000 Yeah, but what did she say?

00:29:45.000 He's in love with me?

00:29:46.000 Around kicking dogs.

00:29:48.000 He assaulted me.

00:29:49.000 She keeps repeating that.

00:29:51.000 I can't even get out of here.

00:29:52.000 Why can't you get Uda here?

00:29:54.000 She just kicked him again. 1.00

00:29:55.000 What a traitor I am, mocking Canadians.

00:29:58.000 You don't like being recorded?

00:30:01.000 As you're punching me?

00:30:03.000 She's walking around.

00:30:04.000 That doesn't make you horny.

00:30:06.000 Ask her.

00:30:07.000 It makes me interested in what's happening there.

00:30:09.000 I mean, like, I'm definitely intrigued.

00:30:11.000 She's clearly unhinged and unpredictable.

00:30:13.000 That's what good sex is.

00:30:14.000 Why are there so many Asians out there? 1.00

00:30:15.000 It's Toronto.

00:30:19.000 That chick punched the chick with the blue dress. 1.00

00:30:23.000 Really?

00:30:24.000 Yeah.

00:30:24.000 Stop rewinding.

00:30:25.000 But I didn't.

00:30:26.000 They didn't show it.

00:30:27.000 We just hear it from her.

00:30:32.000 Look at this superhero.

00:30:33.000 It's here to save the day.

00:30:35.000 Asian girls have more testosterone than Torontonian men than anybody. 0.98

00:30:40.000 No, you are.

00:30:41.000 Look, we're out walking our dogs.

00:30:43.000 You come up and you punch me?

00:30:45.000 So how about you walking away?

00:30:48.000 Fine with that, other than she just kicked my dog hard. 1.00

00:30:51.000 Heard?

00:30:52.000 Heard?

00:30:52.000 Yeah.

00:30:53.000 Oh, gee, really?

00:30:55.000 You'll walk away scot-free after kicking my dog till she yelps?

00:30:58.000 What do you want to do?

00:30:59.000 Go to dog jail?

00:31:00.000 Stop cares about your dog.

00:31:02.000 You're unbelievable.

00:31:03.000 I'm glad you're here.

00:31:03.000 She's right.

00:31:04.000 I'm on her side.

00:31:06.000 You want to go on a date?

00:31:08.000 At least she's okay.

00:31:10.000 She yelped loudly. 1.00

00:31:11.000 She yelped loudly, eight?

00:31:13.000 Whack right in the ribs. 0.94

00:31:14.000 Look at her.

00:31:14.000 She's freaking out.

00:31:15.000 Racked by me moving.

00:31:16.000 Quack right in your ribs.

00:31:17.000 Give me a break.

00:31:19.000 I'm walking my dog.

00:31:20.000 Why would I assault you?

00:31:25.000 Oh.

00:31:26.000 Now that guy's the jury.

00:31:28.000 Did she not walk up?

00:31:29.000 I'd like to think that they're a couple now.

00:31:31.000 No, they're not.

00:31:32.000 Well, now.

00:31:33.000 Oh, now.

00:31:33.000 After this, yeah.

00:31:34.000 He doesn't have the balls to do.

00:31:35.000 Could you believe that?

00:31:36.000 To hit on her.

00:31:37.000 She has a goddamn dog. 1.00

00:31:39.000 She does.

00:31:39.000 If that was my dog, I would say, hey, this lady kicked this nice, innocent dog that I picked up the leash of because someone, some chick or some gay dude abandoned it.

00:31:52.000 She walks up and punches. 1.00

00:31:53.000 Do you know her?

00:31:54.000 No, I don't.

00:31:55.000 I don't know her either.

00:31:56.000 This is two people walking their dogs.

00:32:01.000 Yeah, if I had that dog, I would secretly love it.

00:32:03.000 And then when I walked it, I was like, I gotta walk this fucking chick's dog. 1.00

00:32:07.000 I have that dog.

00:32:07.000 Did you hear what I said?

00:32:08.000 Secretly feel nothing.

00:32:10.000 Yeah, you do.

00:32:11.000 Nothing.

00:32:12.000 You just yell how you're complaining about walking a chick's dog.

00:32:15.000 You don't believe me that I don't care about my dog?

00:32:17.000 I believe you.

00:32:19.000 You know what?

00:32:20.000 You know what?

00:32:20.000 You can walk down that halfway.

00:32:21.000 I call him dog.

00:32:23.000 Shaking.

00:32:25.000 Oh my god.

00:32:26.000 Your little dog's shaking me.

00:32:28.000 You know what?

00:32:28.000 Just, I'm gonna go.

00:32:29.000 I'm gonna go Take care of my dog.

00:32:30.000 I get the idea.

00:32:31.000 So, that brings us to viral videos.

00:32:35.000 We're ending the year, we're about to go on Christmas vacation.

00:32:38.000 Don't worry, we won't stop with the shows.

00:32:39.000 We banked a bunch of shows.

00:32:40.000 You're still going to get your shows.

00:32:42.000 Shows.

00:32:43.000 But there's viral videos like that that I just adore.

00:32:47.000 And I realized a lot of these videos make me feel good.

00:32:51.000 A lot of it's kind of negative.

00:32:55.000 But sometimes it can just be soothing to look at the complete filth that is our society.

00:33:02.000 So without further ado, I'd like to show you, well, here, let me explain it in the next two weeks.

00:33:09.000 Love letters she can't bin, and outside the night, and inside the lost hurrah.

00:33:16.000 Limited edition.

00:33:18.000 Hello, and welcome to the 10 greatest videos of all time in history.

00:33:25.000 Now, this is a little self-indulgent, but I want to go through, because, you know, we're winding up the year, it's getting close to the holidays.

00:33:34.000 My 10 favorite visits.

00:33:35.000 These are videos that I watch that I can have like a cup of coffee.

00:33:41.000 Just a warm, soothing brew to have to start my day right.

00:33:46.000 These are my cup of Joe's.

00:33:50.000 So let's start with number 10.

00:33:52.000 This is a guy scaring his dad.

00:33:56.000 Girsen! 1.00

00:33:56.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:33:57.000 Mary, you fine bass! 0.69

00:33:59.000 I'm going to kick you in there! 1.00

00:34:02.000 Jesus, man!

00:34:03.000 You little fucker. 1.00

00:34:04.000 One of these days, boy.

00:34:07.000 I think one of the reasons I love this video is because, I think he's saying curses, by the way.

00:34:11.000 He's cursing him because that's the way the dad reacts.

00:34:15.000 And as a scarer of dads, you're worried when you're in the closet.

00:34:21.000 I don't mean metaphorically, I mean literally.

00:34:23.000 And your dad opens it up and you come barging out.

00:34:26.000 You're worried he's not going to scream.

00:34:29.000 And then when he goes, oh, Jesus, and he falls back over the bed or something or really topples or has a convulsion or spills his water or something like that or his beer.

00:34:39.000 And you go, wow, that's even better than I had hoped.

00:34:42.000 I'm a very high-strung guy, too.

00:34:44.000 Sometimes when people scare me, I convulse so much and fall so far backwards that they think I'm mocking them.

00:34:49.000 And they go, all right, all right, I get it.

00:34:50.000 You're not scared.

00:34:51.000 They think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm very tightly wound.

00:34:56.000 And so were British dads. 0.52

00:34:58.000 Could have been the 800 years of war we got from the English. 0.98

00:35:02.000 This guy appears to be Irish.

00:35:05.000 But yeah, the reason I find this video so soothing is because all of his hexes are so phenomenally successful.

00:35:14.000 Oh, and one more thing.

00:35:16.000 When you're scaring someone, don't just say boo.

00:35:18.000 This guy kind of does it.

00:35:19.000 It gets away with it.

00:35:20.000 But if you really want to scare someone, keep talking and walking at them, if you will.

00:35:25.000 And they will be way more scared than just boo.

00:35:30.000 You bugger!

00:35:31.000 You bugger!

00:35:32.000 Garza!

00:35:34.000 He just cried!

00:35:38.000 Stop this! 0.94

00:35:39.000 Shit, you! 1.00

00:35:40.000 Shit!

00:35:40.000 Gurd!

00:35:45.000 Garza!

00:35:49.000 I like his little.

00:35:52.000 I like the way he's sitting like an 11-year-old girl after that one.

00:35:55.000 He really turned up.

00:35:57.000 Shit you! 1.00

00:35:58.000 Gurse! 1.00

00:36:03.000 He's always fixing!

00:36:06.000 Look at that stance.

00:36:07.000 Curse!

00:36:10.000 Jesus Christ!

00:36:11.000 Curse!

00:36:13.000 Jesus Christ!

00:36:15.000 See the way his legs kicked out there?

00:36:16.000 Curse!

00:36:21.000 Curse!

00:36:28.000 Oh, that was one of my favorite ones.

00:36:30.000 I know it was subtle, but I like when he just sort of is mildly scared and sort of goes, oh!

00:36:35.000 It's like he's getting a shock.

00:36:36.000 He's at clear for goodnights, I'm fine.

00:36:39.000 Yes!

00:36:40.000 Yes!

00:36:44.000 Oh, that's my favorite one.

00:36:46.000 Boom.

00:36:47.000 Yeah.

00:36:48.000 Gars!

00:36:49.000 Yeah, finish.

00:36:50.000 Hey! 0.99

00:36:51.000 Oh, yeah!

00:36:52.000 Team break! 0.98

00:36:54.000 It was busy, this guy.

00:36:56.000 Look, he's a real hard worker, isn't he?

00:36:58.000 If he's not doing repairs, he's vacuuming.

00:37:01.000 He gets so scared he turns on the vacuum.

00:37:08.000 Oh, yeah, he flicks it on and off.

00:37:11.000 Click click click click Please Hey Please wait Tires There, for goodness sakes, boy, break off.

00:37:23.000 Freak off.

00:37:24.000 Curse.

00:37:25.000 Sheesh.

00:37:26.000 Brace.

00:37:27.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:37:28.000 Curse.

00:37:31.000 This must be hard for you to watch seeing a son and his dad demand something.

00:37:35.000 I could scare folks.

00:37:37.000 Not your dad.

00:37:38.000 Well, I could scare him by showing up and saying, hey, I'm back and I love you.

00:37:43.000 You can scare him by talking about child support payments.

00:37:46.000 Wait, go back to that last quote that he says at the very end.

00:37:48.000 I'm like, one of these days, boy.

00:37:50.000 Grrrr.

00:37:53.000 Shh.

00:37:56.000 I'm telling you, you're going to get it, Border Christ.

00:37:59.000 I'm telling you, you're going to get it, buddy.

00:38:02.000 So that's more than just a funny video to watch.

00:38:05.000 It's just alarmingly soothing.

00:38:07.000 And sometimes you have Schadenfraud, and what is soothing to you is torturous to someone else.

00:38:14.000 I guess that is even an example of Schadenfraud because he was being tortured, right?

00:38:19.000 This one I just love because one thing that truly irritates me about the DNC and Hillerites is how fucking smug they are.

00:38:27.000 And they were so positive they were going to win against Trump that I like going back to 2016 and just watching them gloat.

00:38:34.000 Pre-victory gloating is something that only the smug can pull off.

00:38:39.000 I told you, by the way, in my neighborhood, there was a really wealthy woman dropping off her kid at pre-K, and I was dropping off my son.

00:38:47.000 And I saw her in the corner of my eye, and she was walking around the back of her, you know, Mercedes-SUV G wagon, and she sees the Hillary sticker there. 0.93

00:38:56.000 This is a day after Hillary had lost, and she's walking, she sees a bumper sticker.

00:39:00.000 They love their bumper stickers, and she stares at it for a second and is having a lamenting moment, and then she goes like this.

00:39:13.000 Touches the sticker, she kisses her fucking bumper sticker, and then goes around and gets in her car and goes to Equinox. 1.00

00:39:22.000 So anyway, this song, Miles, My Brother, did a great job of covering it.

00:39:26.000 Thank you, Brian, for all your hard work.

00:39:29.000 But the original is still the best thing in the world.

00:39:32.000 Go to the very, very, very beginning, though, because the way she's putting on her pin is just so odd.

00:39:37.000 This is a woman, by the way, who just destroyed the Charlie's Angels franchise by turning it woke. 1.00

00:39:46.000 This is for Hillary.

00:39:52.000 Dumb, dumb, dumb.

00:39:53.000 Like a small ball.

00:39:54.000 Oh, and her fucking eyelashes. 1.00

00:39:59.000 I'm beautiful.

00:40:01.000 I'm sexy.

00:40:06.000 Ew.

00:40:07.000 Anyway, Miles has been through this a million times, right?

00:40:11.000 They get so pumped.

00:40:12.000 I can make an explosion.

00:40:14.000 And all those things I didn't say.

00:40:17.000 A cappella.

00:40:22.000 Remember that geriatric who's in it? 1.00

00:40:24.000 She's like, I still got a lot of fight left in me.

00:40:29.000 Put she in a coffin? 0.93

00:40:31.000 Has meathead.

00:40:33.000 If someone wanted a filler in her face. 1.00

00:40:35.000 And a dog.

00:40:39.000 Oh, there she is.

00:40:44.000 Here, go back for a second.

00:40:46.000 Look at the way the gay guy looks at her after the doggy part here. 0.99

00:40:54.000 Okay, she shoves him. 0.99

00:40:55.000 Now look at how he looks at her.

00:40:58.000 That.

00:41:00.000 You've got this, guys.

00:41:01.000 We won.

00:41:02.000 Hillary's going to be president. 1.00

00:41:03.000 There's going to be a woman president. 1.00

00:41:04.000 There's going to be all kinds of woman stuff happening in the White House. 1.00

00:41:08.000 It's going to be so womanly. 0.98

00:41:09.000 There'll be tampons everywhere and women shit and women superheroes. 1.00

00:41:15.000 Everybody's worried about me.

00:41:18.000 I'm into it.

00:41:19.000 Anyway, just jump into the end of that when they get all really pumped.

00:41:24.000 And they're like Oh yeah, remember the rap?

00:41:35.000 We're about to show the world that women are equal now.

00:41:44.000 Who are you?

00:41:48.000 So celebrities are somewhat matched.

00:41:51.000 I'm kind of famous in my own life.

00:41:53.000 *Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum* But I can make an explosion!

00:41:59.000 This is our fight song!

00:42:02.000 Take back my life.

00:42:03.000 Anyway, that's fun.

00:42:04.000 Just in the morning when you're getting frustrated by, you know, impeachment and the social justice warriors taking over our court system, throwing our friends in prison, it's good to remember that they lost and they're fucking fools.

00:42:20.000 That brings us to number eight.

00:42:22.000 Speaking of fools, this is one of my favorite things in the world.

00:42:25.000 A lot of these things to me are like a fountain.

00:42:29.000 And you know how you can just sort of sit there, maybe after a hard day's work or a waterfall, a small waterfall, right?

00:42:35.000 And you can just have a Bud Light and just watch the water cascade down the rocks and just think how beautiful it is to be alive and how lucky we are.

00:42:44.000 This is that to me.

00:42:45.000 It's a soothing fountain.

00:42:47.000 This is Lindsay Lohan.

00:42:50.000 I think she was broke and she just got a bunch of money from Saudi Arabians and she said, fine, I'll do whatever you want. 0.96

00:42:56.000 I'll convert.

00:42:57.000 This happens all the time.

00:42:58.000 I think Jack Dorsey converted to Islam and I think that CIA director, Brennan, I think he converted to Islam.

00:43:05.000 It's just something you do to show people how woke you are and sometimes to get money.

00:43:11.000 I think Lindsay got a gift of a Quran and she started walking around with it because it led to Dala Dala Bils, y'all.

00:43:19.000 And so in her unending effort to appease the Arabs, uh-oh. 0.98

00:43:28.000 Laura Loomer.

00:43:29.000 Can't talk right now, Laura.

00:43:32.000 She put on, isn't it eerie that Laura's calling me too?

00:43:35.000 She put on an Arab accent in an interview.

00:43:39.000 I've never seen this.

00:43:40.000 I do this joke sometimes.

00:43:41.000 Like if I'm in a taxi or at a restaurant, they go, yes, sir, you're interested in the specials?

00:43:48.000 And I'll go, I'm not so interested in specials right now.

00:43:51.000 Maybe we just go right to the menu.

00:43:54.000 And if a tree falls in the woods, it doesn't make a sound no one knows.

00:43:57.000 So they don't know I'm making fun of them.

00:43:59.000 And they can't hear their own accent in my accent.

00:44:03.000 But my fucking wife will sometimes go, oh, he's crazy. 1.00

00:44:07.000 He's sorry.

00:44:08.000 He's terrible.

00:44:09.000 That's not funny.

00:44:10.000 Like, you just gave it away.

00:44:11.000 Now it's insulting.

00:44:13.000 It used to not exist.

00:44:15.000 Anyway, sorry, long intro.

00:44:16.000 So here is Lindsay Lohan just magically becoming a Muslim. 1.00

00:44:21.000 It's all around these days.

00:44:22.000 People are talking about it.

00:44:24.000 And it was the same thing with your picture carrying Quran, actually.

00:44:29.000 In America, I was going through a lot with past things that had happened to me over a 10-year span.

00:44:35.000 And my very close friends who had been there for me a lot in London are Saudi and they gave me Quran.

00:44:41.000 And I brought it to New York because I was learning.

00:44:43.000 and it opened doors for me to experience, and spiritually to find another.

00:44:52.000 And it opened doors for me.

00:44:54.000 Yeah, it opened doors for you.

00:44:55.000 It got you money.

00:44:58.000 You know, true meaning.

00:44:59.000 And this is who I am.

00:45:01.000 This is just me holding it with me walking, going.

00:45:05.000 Whereas the paprati, maybe across the street, I didn't know.

00:45:08.000 And they crucified me for it in America.

00:45:10.000 They made me seem like Satan.

00:45:12.000 Going.

00:45:13.000 I was a bad person for holding that Quran. 1.00

00:45:16.000 And that, and I was so happy to leave and go back to London after that.

00:45:21.000 Because I felt so unsafe in my own country after this.

00:45:25.000 I mean, people were like horrible to me.

00:45:28.000 She's hot. 1.00

00:45:29.000 And just Because this is my belief.

00:45:31.000 If this is something I want to learn, this is my personal, my own will.

00:45:36.000 This is not for you to frustrate.

00:45:37.000 If I was single, and that interviewer was interested, I would take Quran and I would be walking, going.

00:45:43.000 I would convert to Islam because it would open one particular door for me. 0.55

00:45:48.000 I would convert for her.

00:45:50.000 I'm not looking at what you do every day.

00:45:52.000 Maybe you're not doing enough because you're bored hurting me.

00:45:55.000 But I can't imagine how many people go through this all the time.

00:45:59.000 And that made me feel like an outsider.

00:46:01.000 So she's back to normal.

00:46:03.000 Why?

00:46:03.000 Anyway, it's just that one part of it.

00:46:05.000 Me, walking, going, with Quran. 0.96

00:46:08.000 They give me Quran because my friends are Saudi.

00:46:12.000 Something weird's going on with Saudi Arabia, by the way.

00:46:14.000 I think they're running out of oil because they're flying in all these comedians.

00:46:19.000 They're flying in SopranoCon.

00:46:22.000 It's bizarre.

00:46:23.000 They're trying to make it like the new New York, and it's never going to happen, dudes.

00:46:28.000 It's 180 degrees there.

00:46:29.000 No one wants to go to Dubai.

00:46:32.000 You can't even drink.

00:46:35.000 All right.

00:46:35.000 Number seven.

00:46:37.000 This is, I don't know why, but just like Lindsay walking, going, I could watch this 8 billion times.

00:46:47.000 Shower time, Adderall, a glass of whiskey, and diesel jeans.

00:46:54.000 I guess the reason I like it so much is he's so ugly and so wildly unattractive.

00:47:03.000 And diesel jeans are so gay and stupid and useless. 0.99

00:47:08.000 And your toilet is sitting there where you go poo.

00:47:11.000 A glass of whiskey.

00:47:12.000 And you're like, you're proud of this?

00:47:15.000 You think this is inspiring to anyone?

00:47:18.000 Look how low they're slung, too.

00:47:20.000 Do you have any underwear on?

00:47:22.000 Look, he looks like a woman. 1.00

00:47:24.000 He looks like John Legend's mom.

00:47:28.000 His face is so turgid.

00:47:30.000 Adderall.

00:47:32.000 A glass of whiskey and diesel jeans.

00:47:36.000 Are you proud?

00:47:37.000 It would never occur to me to be proud of diesel jeans.

00:47:40.000 I guess they're expensive.

00:47:42.000 Yeah.

00:47:46.000 It didn't even have ice in it.

00:47:49.000 Glass of lukewarm whiskey and expensive women's pants. 0.97

00:47:53.000 About $100 a piece.

00:47:55.000 Levi's are $100.

00:47:58.000 Levi's jeans.

00:47:59.000 These go to $11.

00:48:02.000 All right.

00:48:03.000 That brings us to number six.

00:48:04.000 Of course, we use this on the show all the time.

00:48:06.000 It's a favorite here.

00:48:08.000 But what's unique about these videos and why I'm calling them the greatest videos of all time in history is they just release endorphins.

00:48:17.000 Like, they make me feel good inside.

00:48:20.000 And this thing I just find like a water fountain so soothing.

00:48:24.000 There's so many parts of this.

00:48:25.000 I don't even know where to go.

00:48:27.000 Oh, and I haven't even seen this part.

00:48:30.000 How do they collect all the crazies in the entire country? 0.98

00:48:36.000 I like how he matches.

00:48:37.000 He looks like he's good luck.

00:48:38.000 Where's your pot of gold?

00:48:41.000 Turn it up.

00:48:45.000 So I'd like to finish with saying that it would be really nice if people around this parts who preach progressiveness or preach acceptance and want to light up lights around buildings that are very governmental and symbols of oppression to do better and actually put more action rather than words and cheap symbols.

00:49:09.000 Speaking of more action rather than words, what are you saying?

00:49:13.000 Thank you.

00:49:14.000 Thank you.

00:49:15.000 What do you want?

00:49:18.000 God imagine.

00:49:20.000 And then this, of course, is the winner.

00:49:21.000 I hear you corrupt the symbols of my trans and gay siblings. 1.00

00:49:32.000 Like, when this is playing in the background, I'm hearing the Rolling Stones do satisfaction.

00:49:39.000 This is like a hit.

00:49:40.000 Like, I just, I like this top five hit.

00:49:44.000 It's a good jam.

00:49:46.000 How dare you?

00:49:55.000 Okay, keep going.

00:49:57.000 I'm not done with my Cup of Joe.

00:49:59.000 How dare you even think about accepting an award for a place that you block off half of, therefore making it impossible for me to get around in the city?

00:50:19.000 50% of the city is blocked off?

00:50:21.000 That sounds pretty extreme, dude.

00:50:24.000 I am beyond angry.

00:50:26.000 I'm furious.

00:50:28.000 Well, then why are you cracking up?

00:50:30.000 All right, that's another that one.

00:50:33.000 He said, how dare I always notice new things, too, about it.

00:50:37.000 Even with the Adderall whiskey one, I notice new things every time, like his toilet.

00:50:41.000 But with that one, I didn't notice that before.

00:50:44.000 They said, how dare you even think about accepting an award?

00:50:49.000 How dare you even think that?

00:50:52.000 One of the problems with these greatest hits type of things is there's a lot of repetition here.

00:50:57.000 And Mother Nature is Hella Pissed is going to come up in a lot of things. 1.00

00:51:06.000 It's going to be in our 19 most clownworldy moments of 2019.

00:51:11.000 But it's also here as just a soothing video where I see this dumb homosexual think that he's accomplishing anything by bitching about plastic, which again is not our thing. 0.97

00:51:25.000 That's an African and a Chinese thing, plastic in the oceans. 1.00

00:51:29.000 We don't do that.

00:51:31.000 Damn.

00:51:31.000 And this, you can just put it anywhere.

00:51:32.000 Plastic discards.

00:51:34.000 P.S. We don't give a damn.

00:51:36.000 But we should really give a damn.

00:51:39.000 P.S. What?

00:51:42.000 That was now I know what you're saying.

00:51:44.000 Did he write this, do you think?

00:51:57.000 Billion plastic bags being used every single day.

00:52:02.000 Yeah, that end up in landfills where they came from.

00:52:04.000 Political gains and power change and profits made.

00:52:08.000 Our mother says to go upstairs and put on something new.

00:52:10.000 Where did they get this idea too that plastic bags are bad for the environment?

00:52:15.000 ugly and I've heard a dolphin doesn't like to wear it as a bandana but uh it's petroleum-based products that came from the ground.

00:52:24.000 I love you.

00:52:25.000 I love you.

00:52:26.000 We would do better to step up and take care of you.

00:52:31.000 To To stand up and take action and not use a plastic bag in order to save Mother Nature because she's hella pissed. 1.00

00:52:40.000 What is funnier than a man in a dress thinking that he's blowing your mind? 0.74

00:52:45.000 The only thing he's blowing is his fat, ugly boyfriend.

00:52:50.000 I'm pretty sure his dad's mind is blown.

00:52:52.000 Yeah.

00:52:53.000 And his dad's memories.

00:52:55.000 The only thing he's blowing is his photo albums, his family photos.

00:53:01.000 No one's looking at those anymore.

00:53:08.000 Isn't it funny too?

00:53:10.000 See, again, I'm noticing new things.

00:53:11.000 The whole striding thing that you see with like women, like Beyoncé, you know what it means. 0.97

00:53:18.000 The impetus for it is, yes, I've been oppressed.

00:53:22.000 Yes, I was denied the vote.

00:53:24.000 Yes, I had to work as Rosie the Riveter in World War II, but I'm still strong.

00:53:29.000 Yes, my husband had an affair and left me with the kids.

00:53:32.000 But I'm still strong.

00:53:33.000 Through all the adversity you've thrown at me, I am still a strong woman.

00:53:38.000 And then you have fucking Darren over here. 1.00

00:53:43.000 Brian Lemieux with his fucking short red hair going, I've had enough of not being able to vote.

00:53:50.000 I'm a white male.

00:53:53.000 Hello?

00:53:54.000 How does he start that whole thing again?

00:53:56.000 Mother Natch.

00:53:57.000 They spelled Natch wrong.

00:53:59.000 Mother Natch makes you think of your mother's snatch.

00:54:05.000 Hello, my darlings.

00:54:06.000 Welcome to the planet, my dears.

00:54:09.000 My dears.

00:54:10.000 Wipe your feet.

00:54:12.000 Anyway, that's just the gift that keeps on giving.

00:54:14.000 All of these are relentless, infinite gifts that you should consider for Christmas.

00:54:18.000 You should say, your dad opens up or your brother opens up the present, and it's just a tiny URL.

00:54:24.000 Go type it in, dad.

00:54:26.000 It's wonderful.

00:54:28.000 Speaking of dads, number four, God Made My Dad Sleep With My Wife. 1.00

00:54:33.000 This one has been a favorite of mine for many, many years.

00:54:37.000 And I saw it happen live in the sense that this has gone viral, but I remember seeing the documentary when it came out.

00:54:43.000 I may have been with my dad, actually.

00:54:45.000 And in it, this cult leader, that's not him, that's his son, said, well, here, I'll let it play out.

00:54:53.000 Just in case you haven't seen it.

00:54:54.000 Have you seen this, Ryan?

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 Everyone's seen it, right?

00:54:58.000 Yeah.

00:54:58.000 Well, not everybody.

00:55:00.000 In my time here, I thought I heard everything.

00:55:02.000 Then Jeff delivered an incredible revelation about his dad, the Messiah.

00:55:07.000 God came down on Michael and forced him to consummate with Christiana. 0.95

00:55:15.000 I'm doing Homer disappearing into the hedges.

00:55:17.000 Wait, did God rape your dad?

00:55:19.000 If you force someone to have sex, whether it's with you or someone else, is that not rape?

00:55:24.000 Is he calling God a rapist?

00:55:27.000 God, I'm very disappointed in you.

00:55:28.000 What kind of sicko, super lord, sits there using people like little plastic figurines and making them bone each other?

00:55:38.000 I mean, it was a terrible, strange act of God.

00:55:42.000 He did an astonishing thing that defies me.

00:55:48.000 I was astonished, and so was Michael.

00:55:51.000 Michael had made no mention of sleeping with his sons.

00:55:55.000 I got a feeling this was a story I wasn't supposed to hear.

00:56:01.000 And when Michael found out I knew, he asked me for an opportunity to explain just how God had made it happen.

00:56:07.000 Okay, just pause here.

00:56:10.000 Who are these people?

00:56:12.000 Are cult leaders just charismatic and eloquent sociopaths who manage to aggregate mentally ill, lonely people? 0.68

00:56:28.000 Is that what's going on here?

00:56:30.000 Because I don't get it.

00:56:32.000 And I don't get how much they believe.

00:56:33.000 Like, this guy's about to explain how God told him to sleep with his daughter-in-law.

00:56:38.000 How much of you are lying?

00:56:39.000 Like, I just, I want to go to, you know, those tarot card readers and those palm readers?

00:56:44.000 They're usually Puerto Rican here in New York.

00:56:45.000 I just want to go up to them with a syringe of heroin and just inject her. 1.00

00:56:48.000 And then as she's sort of nodding off, go, how much of this do you believe?

00:56:54.000 Oh, Mira, Mira, nothing.

00:56:56.000 I just, I need to get money.

00:56:59.000 I'm doing Mexican more than Puerto Rican.

00:57:02.000 You get the idea.

00:57:04.000 I stood up like this.

00:57:07.000 Fuck your daughter-in-law. 1.00

00:57:12.000 And suddenly, I was forced down on the floor, and I had to get down.

00:57:19.000 I was down just about like this.

00:57:23.000 And I was in pain.

00:57:26.000 Yep, I remember this.

00:57:27.000 And all I could do was groan.

00:57:29.000 All I could do was kind of rock.

00:57:33.000 Well, I was.

00:57:34.000 I was in, what's the word?

00:57:36.000 giving you a lot of force.

00:57:37.000 I started seeing that the consummation with Christiana was imminent, and I was going to be...

00:57:49.000 First of all, this fucker is lying.

00:57:51.000 I didn't do shit to him.

00:57:52.000 I didn't squish him on the ground.

00:57:54.000 Squish him on the ground?

00:57:55.000 I kill everyone.

00:57:57.000 I squish their heads like nothing. 0.57

00:57:59.000 I take a building, swat it away, like it's nothing.

00:58:02.000 So pushing some little skinny old man down on the ground, not my thing. 1.00

00:58:07.000 This guy's talking about how horny he was.

00:58:10.000 He had such a boner for his daughter-in-law that he fell down to the ground and go, holy shit. 1.00

00:58:17.000 I'm going to fuck her. 1.00

00:58:18.000 I'm going to say that God did it, and then I get to bone this woman I've been staring at for two years now. 0.99

00:58:26.000 Don't put this on me.

00:58:28.000 That's gay. 1.00

00:58:29.000 You're putting your boner on me. 0.92

00:58:31.000 I don't want your boner on me. 0.96

00:58:34.000 I was going to have to do that.

00:58:37.000 I was just laying awake and I was thinking about coming over here.

00:58:42.000 And I said to Father, I said, when I go over there, if Michael invites me in, I will ask for the consummation tonight.

00:58:54.000 Look at the poor bastard. 0.96

00:58:56.000 Was it just a single occasion, this literal physical consummation?

00:59:00.000 No.

00:59:02.000 It wasn't.

00:59:03.000 You consummated more than once.

00:59:05.000 Yes.

00:59:06.000 Yes.

00:59:08.000 Why is it necessary to consummate more than once?

00:59:13.000 Of course.

00:59:15.000 Could you not answer that?

00:59:17.000 I think he expects the sunglasses to lower down on his head and then the word thug life to appear.

00:59:22.000 And then don't dunk ding, ding, dung, ding.

00:59:25.000 Yaba deba do.

00:59:27.000 Once.

00:59:31.000 Could you not answer that question yourself?

00:59:34.000 When you marry a wife, do you consummate only once?

00:59:39.000 Does she stop being married to you after your wedding day? 1.00

00:59:44.000 The world would look at it a different way.

00:59:47.000 You know, they would just see that an affair happened or something.

00:59:52.000 But that's not what happened.

00:59:54.000 Look into her eyes.

00:59:55.000 She's severely damaged.

00:59:57.000 And that, the second one they showed, she's not severely damaged.

00:59:59.000 There's just nothing there.

01:00:01.000 It's like looking into the eyes of a dead goat.

01:00:05.000 Your wife, if there's one thing that disgusts her, it's the idea of your father.

01:00:11.000 I guess because you, your dad looks like an ugly version of you.

01:00:15.000 I always describe my dad as me with AIDS.

01:00:19.000 So there's no attraction.

01:00:20.000 I remember one time my dad left his underwear at our house, and they got in with our dirty laundry, and then they were in mine, and then I just started wearing them.

01:00:27.000 And every time I was wearing my dad's underwear, my wife was completely repulsed. 0.98

01:00:30.000 But the idea that this mentally deranged lunatic, the one that looks kind of Indian, was looking forward to having sex with her father-in-law shows how phenomenally mentally damaged she is. 0.98

01:00:43.000 They're kind of like pimps in a way.

01:00:45.000 And that's a very accurate analogy in this particular case, where they just sort of take in the lost sheep, the damaged goods, and they say, I'll make you safe.

01:00:54.000 I'll be your new leader.

01:00:56.000 And they go, thank you.

01:01:02.000 Bizarre.

01:01:03.000 Anyway, that one isn't as fun as the others.

01:01:06.000 The others I watch, like Whiskey, Adderall, it makes me laugh.

01:01:10.000 But when I watch that one, I just sort of go, whoa.

01:01:15.000 Here's a much better cult one.

01:01:17.000 This is from a documentary called Three Miles North of Malcolm.

01:01:21.000 I watch this about every couple months and have done so for, I'd say, 10 years.

01:01:27.000 And this is just like a little smelling salts.

01:01:30.000 Just sort of wakes you up, makes you feel good again.

01:01:32.000 This guy practices a type of self-defense wherein you use energy to knock people down, to protect yourself, and it works.

01:01:41.000 And the proof of it, proof is in the pudding, where they actually try this out and see if it does make you invincible.

01:01:50.000 Can you turn it up?

01:01:51.000 So don't be frightened of your passion and your dark energy.

01:01:54.000 Please use it in this.

01:01:56.000 So if you find just this is another thing I love about it.

01:01:59.000 Look how confidently they're walking.

01:02:01.000 They're almost like Mother Natch with their, they're just like, yep, look at that one.

01:02:06.000 Look at that woman. 1.00

01:02:08.000 Are these, I guess these are mentally ill people too.

01:02:10.000 Go back.

01:02:10.000 They're just like, yep, taking care of business.

01:02:13.000 Look at her strut. 0.90

01:02:14.000 Yep.

01:02:16.000 Got to go use dark energy to create a force filter on myself.

01:02:19.000 Yeah.

01:02:22.000 So if you find you've got feelings coming up, then just use it more in the practice.

01:02:27.000 Okay.

01:02:27.000 Thank you.

01:02:28.000 So first of all, you need to build it up.

01:02:29.000 Put our hands on the belly, like this.

01:02:32.000 You can put the thumbs up if you like.

01:02:34.000 It's to make contact with our source of power, the Hara, the Tantian, center of energy in the body.

01:02:41.000 And when I say breathe out, and you blow out a black smoke, which is ill the negativity, the tiredness, anything that is pain in your body, just breathe it out.

01:02:52.000 And you keep your breath out and you tighten the body.

01:02:57.000 And first of all, you look to the right and you imagine all this energy around your body and you feel yourself pulling it in.

01:03:05.000 But you tighten the hold of the body, looking to the right, pull the energy in, looking to the left and the same.

01:03:09.000 I think he's talking about the TV movie.

01:03:12.000 Master of Tai Chi.

01:03:13.000 And then I say, look up.

01:03:17.000 Pull the energy down into your body.

01:03:21.000 And lock it in the belly. 0.83

01:03:23.000 Look up.

01:03:24.000 Look up!

01:03:25.000 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 1.00

01:03:32.000 Yes.

01:03:33.000 Coming up right away.

01:03:34.000 Good.

01:03:35.000 Push down.

01:03:40.000 Hands together.

01:03:41.000 Hands back on the belly. 0.54

01:03:43.000 As soon as you get to chest height, then cross the arms.

01:03:47.000 Keep your focus.

01:03:48.000 Cross the arms.

01:03:49.000 As long as it's getting I don't know how long away the good part is.

01:03:55.000 Oh, dude, you got to scroll until way down.

01:03:58.000 I guess this is the whole documentary.

01:04:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:01.000 Okay, don't go any farther.

01:04:02.000 So she's just...

01:04:08.000 You can put around a baby. 0.57

01:04:10.000 The baby's invincible.

01:04:11.000 It doesn't have to be like some tough guy, some WWE dude standing there taking your blows.

01:04:17.000 It can just be your mom.

01:04:18.000 If your mom harnesses the energy of the universe, you can't do anything to her. 0.93

01:04:22.000 She's invincible.

01:04:22.000 But she has to believe.

01:04:24.000 Let's see how that goes.

01:04:25.000 Lovely pink.

01:04:34.000 They're showing her how to do this.

01:04:38.000 Got it.

01:04:39.000 I feel like you might be bluffing, but okay.

01:04:42.000 You have all that energy in there?

01:04:54.000 Look what he does.

01:04:57.000 Look at me.

01:04:58.000 Look at me.

01:04:58.000 I'm hurt too.

01:04:59.000 I'm having a Seizure you see what happened there?

01:05:04.000 So I think he knocked her unconscious and he realized this is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

01:05:09.000 I just fucked up big time.

01:05:10.000 I just rammed into a six-year-old woman at 100 miles an hour. 1.00

01:05:15.000 So then after he sees that, he goes down and starts going.

01:05:19.000 What it was was just like an intense energy exchange where we were both fucked up.

01:05:24.000 It wasn't as simple as just her using a force field.

01:05:27.000 It was both of our things combined.

01:05:29.000 Anyway, let's watch this old lady getting smashed into again. 1.00

01:05:34.000 Okay, you ready?

01:05:36.000 I'm going to test your force field.

01:05:37.000 And boom. 0.96

01:05:44.000 Oh my God.

01:05:47.000 And look at them all just stand there.

01:05:50.000 Like unflappable.

01:05:52.000 This is the gray police in a nutshell.

01:05:55.000 This is why Trump Derangement Syndrome is so intense.

01:05:58.000 Did she shit herself?

01:06:00.000 Did she?

01:06:01.000 I mean...

01:06:06.000 The whole.

01:06:07.000 Yeah.

01:06:08.000 I've never done that before.

01:06:10.000 And then he yells at her?

01:06:12.000 What does he say to her?

01:06:13.000 Turn it up.

01:06:16.000 Where were you guys?

01:06:18.000 Where the fuck were you guys?

01:06:24.000 Where the fuck were you guys?

01:06:25.000 We were right there.

01:06:28.000 This guy's still warping.

01:06:41.000 I gotta hold on to this ruse.

01:06:45.000 There, you're fine.

01:06:49.000 What did you think was going to happen?

01:06:50.000 He was going to go bouncing off you and go flying into the water?

01:06:55.000 Like, if you're going to do a lie, like, he should have maybe ran up to her and went, what the hell?

01:07:00.000 The Force Field's too good.

01:07:02.000 And then fallen down.

01:07:03.000 Yeah, it's his own thing.

01:07:05.000 Yeah, he's the liar behind the whole thing.

01:07:09.000 It's like a magician looking for the rabbit he just made disappear in his hat.

01:07:14.000 Look at them with the kid.

01:07:15.000 We should probably get out of here.

01:07:17.000 Oh, the kid's sad.

01:07:19.000 Check it out.

01:07:20.000 That's probably like his nana. 0.55

01:07:22.000 The kid's like, why did that weird hippie guy with long hair smash the living shit out of my nana? 0.98

01:07:28.000 Oh, well, let me explain to you, little kid.

01:07:31.000 Your instincts are wrong.

01:07:32.000 Ours are right.

01:07:33.000 What are they staring at?

01:07:34.000 Is that guy having doubts?

01:07:36.000 I haven't watched it this far in a long time.

01:07:38.000 I usually just laugh my head off when she gets hit and leave.

01:07:41.000 Turn it up.

01:07:42.000 I think she's really connected to deep power, being so close to death and be, you know.

01:07:50.000 Touching, she's like, she's touching.

01:07:51.000 She's tired, you know?

01:07:52.000 Touching on all these powers.

01:07:53.000 She shoot herself. 1.00

01:07:55.000 Did she really?

01:07:56.000 Look at her touching her ass again. 1.00

01:07:58.000 Touching, feeling, feels like she's touching.

01:07:59.000 She's tired, you know?

01:08:00.000 Touching on all these powers and deep power.

01:08:06.000 Maybe he blew her tampon out.

01:08:07.000 She has given up.

01:08:09.000 That's my feeling.

01:08:11.000 Like a cord.

01:08:13.000 She is scary.

01:08:14.000 It's a lot of movies.

01:08:16.000 Alright, anyway, getting sucked in there.

01:08:17.000 That was amazing.

01:08:19.000 Have you seen that before?

01:08:20.000 I vaguely remember you showing it once.

01:08:23.000 But no.

01:08:23.000 Isn't that the best?

01:08:24.000 That's amazing.

01:08:25.000 I have to watch that whole thing.

01:08:26.000 He must be running at her, I'm going to say, 30 miles an hour.

01:08:30.000 Conservatively.

01:08:31.000 30 miles an hour.

01:08:33.000 And then she just launches backwards. 1.00

01:08:36.000 They must have hit heads, too.

01:08:38.000 Anyway, let's clean the palette with an oldie but a goodie, of course.

01:08:42.000 Gary Coleman and Arsinio.

01:08:43.000 I'm sorry you're all too familiar with this, but we're putting together a list, a little binder of women, of our favorite clips.

01:08:51.000 And yeah, there's going to be some greatest hits in there that you're already very familiar with.

01:08:55.000 Let's just enjoy Gary being incredibly uncomfortable.

01:08:59.000 Well, I could certainly admit that now, but I didn't know what it was then.

01:09:03.000 But yeah, I think I did.

01:09:05.000 You knew what it was.

01:09:07.000 Come on now.

01:09:08.000 I was only 9 to 18 or 16.

01:09:12.000 Hey, I had those years of in the 16 area, you knew when you had to say cut.

01:09:19.000 Excuse me for a minute.

01:09:21.000 R. C. M. Wait a minute now.

01:09:23.000 I didn't get a chance to Mac because AIDS came out in 82, so all the women kind of ran and hid while they kind of sorted this thing out. 0.83

01:09:31.000 So I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period.

01:09:33.000 This man was murdered.

01:09:34.000 I didn't really start dating good and being good at it, if you will, until about three years ago.

01:09:41.000 Yeah, there we go.

01:09:42.000 Oh, just let him let that guy out.

01:09:44.000 Yeah, it's okay.

01:09:47.000 Now, we did have a viewer who wrote it and said, hey, assholes, he's not talking about sex.

01:09:52.000 What was that little sound I just made?

01:09:57.000 Maybe that should become a new video clip.

01:09:59.000 Karma death rattle.

01:10:04.000 Someone wrote in and they go, no, he's not talking about sex.

01:10:05.000 He's talking about dating, getting good at it, if you will.

01:10:09.000 Thanks.

01:10:10.000 Thanks for ruining our favorite video.

01:10:15.000 And then, of course, the number one greatest video of all time is something we have discussed on this show and many other shows throughout the years.

01:10:24.000 I've watched this 80 billion times.

01:10:27.000 Please don't do a parody of it.

01:10:29.000 You can never come close.

01:10:30.000 Just enjoy it.

01:10:31.000 Why do I like this video so much?

01:10:33.000 I think it's because I've been shitfaced at work and hoped people didn't notice, like on Milo's show, and you think, I can hold this together.

01:10:43.000 And seeing someone think they can hold together is like seeing a baby in a suit.

01:10:49.000 No, no one thinks you're boss baby.

01:10:51.000 No one thinks you're the CEO of General Electric.

01:10:56.000 You're a baby.

01:10:57.000 You're not in control of your faculties.

01:11:03.000 Turn camera.

01:11:05.000 102, take one.

01:11:07.000 With overlap.

01:11:08.000 Action, please.

01:11:16.000 Action awesome, please.

01:11:17.000 Action awesome please.

01:11:18.000 Just do anything?

01:11:22.000 Now, there's some myths about this that I've noticed after watching it 600 times.

01:11:25.000 Pause.

01:11:27.000 People say she's laughing.

01:11:29.000 I've watched it.

01:11:30.000 She's not laughing.

01:11:31.000 She keeps her composure the whole time.

01:11:32.000 I like the concept of her cracking up.

01:11:35.000 That's funny, but it's not true.

01:11:37.000 Also, for several years, we argue that he was saying, Just say anything.

01:11:44.000 And that's hilarious because I don't know what the budget for commercials was back then, but I'm going to throw out $300,000, right?

01:11:51.000 This is probably like $79,000.

01:11:53.000 And he says, just say anything?

01:11:56.000 No, say the script that we spent thousands and thousands of dollars writing and going over and over and over.

01:12:02.000 Unfortunately, once again, viewers wrecked it and pointed out that what he's really saying is, does this do anything?

01:12:09.000 Pointing to the bottle of Paul Massan.

01:12:11.000 Wine that's brewed with the finest excellence.

01:12:14.000 Fermented in a bottle.

01:12:18.000 And he assumes that the bottle is going to be the cue.

01:12:21.000 So then he goes, oh, the bottle isn't the cue.

01:12:24.000 I start.

01:12:24.000 Okay.

01:12:25.000 So then he goes to say, ah, the French champagne.

01:12:28.000 And his wasted mind doesn't help him, doesn't do him any favors.

01:12:33.000 So, Action awesome, please.

01:12:42.000 Just do anything.

01:12:43.000 No, it doesn't do anything.

01:12:44.000 Sorry, Carl.

01:12:45.000 You start.

01:12:46.000 Just say, ah, the French champagne.

01:12:47.000 102, take two.

01:12:50.000 Ah, the French champagne has always been celebrated.

01:12:56.000 The pinky is now my favorite thing.

01:12:57.000 Oh, yeah, the pinky is good.

01:12:59.000 French champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence.

01:13:06.000 There's a California champagne by Parmasson.

01:13:10.000 Inspired by that same French excellence.

01:13:15.000 It's fermented in the bottle and like the best French champagne.

01:13:19.000 It's vintage dated to Parmasson.

01:13:23.000 I think what they ended up doing is dumping in his voice.

01:13:26.000 They got him sober later and just said it in a sound studio.

01:13:29.000 Anyway, that is the greatest video ever made.

01:13:33.000 And all of these videos are not the funniest or the most outrageous or the most viral.

01:13:38.000 They are the most soothing thing.

01:13:40.000 So during these trying times, when you're looking for some holiday cheer, why not indulge yourself with some video water fountains that just release endorphins and show you how hilarious Clown World can be?

01:13:54.000 *music*

01:14:04.000 Oh, good.

01:14:04.000 I found my pen.

01:14:06.000 I don't like this pen.

01:14:07.000 Something about blue on this camera just is too blue.

01:14:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:12.000 Really soaks up the blue.

01:14:14.000 Well, yeah.

01:14:15.000 Well, yeah, yeah.

01:14:16.000 What's up with that?

01:14:17.000 Yeah.

01:14:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:14:19.000 That pen is blue as a mug.

01:14:22.000 Should we check the mailbag?

01:14:24.000 We can totally do that, yeah.

01:14:28.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a...

01:14:33.000 Ryan, shut up.

01:14:35.000 I want to show that Miss America thing.

01:14:38.000 Okay.

01:14:38.000 Speaking of viral videos.

01:14:39.000 This is the viral video show day.

01:14:42.000 So I sent it post.

01:14:45.000 It's not in today's notes.

01:14:46.000 It's a more recent email.

01:14:48.000 And I also sent you some pictures because I saw this interesting picture that it's a meme.

01:14:54.000 But God, watching you work is frustrating.

01:14:56.000 Go to your email.

01:14:58.000 Check your recent email.

01:14:59.000 What happened is...

01:15:05.000 Are you sure?

01:15:07.000 Here, I'll show my email.

01:15:08.000 And you can tell me if you see it.

01:15:10.000 Well, last time we weren't able to deal with your emails because...

01:15:16.000 That's been fixed.

01:15:21.000 Now I got two emails.

01:15:22.000 Just keep using the old one.

01:15:25.000 Ryan, my inbox shows all my emails.

01:15:28.000 You just click on inbox.

01:15:33.000 That's now all your emails.

01:15:34.000 Did you not know that till right now?

01:15:37.000 I usually just keep it on the other one.

01:15:38.000 Wait a minute.

01:15:39.000 You didn't know till right now that when you click inbox, it's all your inboxes?

01:15:42.000 Yeah, but I use Spark.

01:15:43.000 It cleans it all up because I get a lot of mailbags.

01:15:47.000 I got five accounts I'm logged into.

01:15:48.000 How many are you logged into?

01:15:49.000 About the same.

01:15:51.000 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

01:15:54.000 One, two, three, four, five, six.

01:15:56.000 I got six.

01:15:56.000 All right.

01:15:57.000 So next time, go to inbox if you're looking for things in your inbox.

01:16:02.000 Alrighty.

01:16:05.000 So this was interesting, this hockey thing.

01:16:09.000 Changing U.S. demographics and hockey's attitude toward race have forced the NHL to confront a problem for which it doesn't really have an answer.

01:16:20.000 This is like the black quarterback thing where they go, we need more black quarterbacks. 1.00

01:16:24.000 You don't think a football team is 100% focused on winning?

01:16:28.000 That's all they care about.

01:16:30.000 We could have that crazy agent dog-kicking chick. 0.89

01:16:33.000 If she was a good quarterback and she was throwing like Eli Manning, she's in.

01:16:37.000 Well, I'm not sure they can take women, but he's in. 1.00

01:16:39.000 If it was a little tiny drag queen, they let murderers stay on their teams because they're good for business. 1.00

01:16:46.000 So if there was plenty of black quarterbacks that were qualified, you think there's going to be racism?

01:16:51.000 Sorry, man, I don't like black dudes. 1.00

01:16:53.000 But the team's like 70% black.

01:16:55.000 I know, I'm pissed about it.

01:16:57.000 Trying to get them out.

01:16:59.000 Okay.

01:16:59.000 Well, good luck with getting black people out of the NFL.

01:17:03.000 Have a great time.

01:17:05.000 But anyway, hockey now has to avoid the meritocracy of best player for the job and go down, move that thing out of my way.

01:17:17.000 It presents an existential threat to hockey, a sport that is virtually all white. 1.00

01:17:23.000 Diversify or die.

01:17:26.000 I don't understand that.

01:17:29.000 Like they mean that black people have to start coming to hockey games or the whole NHL is going to be over?

01:17:35.000 What's the die part?

01:17:38.000 Anyway, beauty pageants don't have this problem. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Beauty pageants are incredibly diverse, which is great news.

01:17:45.000 Nope, same email, dude.

01:17:47.000 same fucking email.

01:17:48.000 Ooh.

01:17:53.000 I just could have waited out.

01:17:57.000 What are you doing?

01:17:59.000 You can't See that there's two attachments in an email?

01:18:04.000 No, they just show up as pictures.

01:18:06.000 Yeah, but when you click on an email, it says it shows you that there's two attachments there.

01:18:11.000 Look next to the paperclip.

01:18:13.000 I was being practiced when you said Miss Beauty Pageant, there's another email that says Miss whatever.

01:18:18.000 So I was like, oh, that's because it's the subject at hand.

01:18:21.000 So we will be discussing it.

01:18:23.000 Right.

01:18:25.000 Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, Miss America, Miss Universe, Miss World are all black women in historic first.

01:18:30.000 So this is diversity, according to Clown World.

01:18:34.000 Finally.

01:18:36.000 Miss Universe is not that hot. 1.00

01:18:38.000 Miss Teen USA looks like a dude. 0.74

01:18:41.000 Miss America, I don't know what she looks like. 0.97

01:18:43.000 Miss USA, sure.

01:18:45.000 And then who's that on the right?

01:18:46.000 Is that Miss?

01:18:50.000 Miss World's pretty hot. 1.00

01:18:50.000 Miss World. 1.00

01:18:54.000 In other words, it's not okay to be white. 0.91

01:18:57.000 But while we're on this subject and while we're talking about hilarious videos, this is so weird and overly dramatic.

01:19:05.000 This is a woman, Miss Nigeria, finding out that she didn't win Miss World.

01:19:15.000 The green is Nigeria. 0.97

01:19:17.000 Jamaica is going to win. 0.57

01:19:18.000 But watch the green dress.

01:19:22.000 she's the loser to be clear We run away from them? 1.00

01:19:37.000 Maybe she wants to just steal the moment?

01:19:40.000 And then Miss Jamaica's equally irritating with the overacting. 1.00

01:19:44.000 She acts like she was...

01:19:51.000 I lost my baby.

01:19:53.000 But it's worth it.

01:19:55.000 Because I'm Miss World.

01:19:57.000 I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.

01:20:03.000 Look at this.

01:20:04.000 Jesus.

01:20:04.000 Oh, will you relax?

01:20:07.000 I feel like even if I was her husband, I'd say that was kind of annoying.

01:20:10.000 Congratulations, I guess.

01:20:12.000 But Jesus Christ, that look you gave.

01:20:14.000 Ah, there we go.

01:20:17.000 At dinner with their family.

01:20:18.000 Isn't that funny that's considered sexist to say smile?

01:20:21.000 And that woman just said to her, smile. 1.00

01:20:23.000 And it totally made her way less annoying instantly. 1.00

01:20:27.000 That looks kind of cheap.

01:20:29.000 It looks like shit, yeah.

01:20:31.000 Yeah.

01:20:31.000 Is that a kit you make with a glue gun?

01:20:38.000 She's smelling her hands because she's going to be shaking a lot of hands later and she doesn't want to grow someone in it.

01:20:43.000 Miss World.

01:20:47.000 Who made that hat? 0.94

01:20:48.000 Miss Guam?

01:20:51.000 What the fuck's on your head, lady? 0.99

01:20:52.000 Lego?

01:20:54.000 Are you wearing Lego?

01:20:56.000 Miss Lego.

01:20:59.000 That's so silly.

01:21:00.000 The most beautiful woman in all of Lego.

01:21:04.000 Like, oh, you dropped the brick.

01:21:07.000 I literally cannot imagine being in this audience and giving a flying fuck about any of this.

01:21:14.000 Maybe if my sister or mom or daughter was in it, I guess.

01:21:17.000 I'd go, I hope she wins. 0.95

01:21:19.000 Because it's important to her.

01:21:20.000 Everything about it sucks, too.

01:21:22.000 Like, it's too spacious.

01:21:23.000 They don't know how to fill that room.

01:21:25.000 The screens suck.

01:21:27.000 The lights are all campy.

01:21:30.000 The chicks are all black. 0.99

01:21:32.000 Just kidding.

01:21:34.000 All right.

01:21:36.000 Let's go to the mail room.

01:21:38.000 Are you allowed to make offensive jokes if you say just kidding after?

01:21:41.000 I hope so.

01:21:42.000 We get like 50 emails a day.

01:21:43.000 So every time I do these, you know what we should do?

01:21:46.000 The next two shows or the next two live shows, we should catch up on all the mail.

01:21:50.000 All right.

01:21:51.000 Or at least try to take a chip out of it.

01:21:55.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:21:59.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mail back.

01:22:05.000 Let me touch it.

01:22:09.000 Here, Ryan, I was thinking about you and how you don't have a dad, but you're going to visit him at Christmas, which frustrates me because I think you're wasting your love energy.

01:22:20.000 But I'd like to present you live with your Christmas bonus of a thousand bucks.

01:22:27.000 No.

01:22:28.000 I'm just going to just say something.

01:22:29.000 I haven't looked at it yet.

01:22:30.000 Just says fat.

01:22:31.000 Did you say something mean?

01:22:32.000 Are you serious?

01:22:33.000 Yeah, that's actually pretty standard for a Christmas bonus.

01:22:36.000 Really?

01:22:37.000 But giving a Puerto Rican money is like giving a fish a bath. 0.89

01:22:42.000 I don't know what to do.

01:22:43.000 So I'm just throwing money into a paper shop.

01:22:48.000 Don't do it for the camera, dude.

01:22:58.000 Severely awkward there.

01:22:59.000 I think the bike was already a Christmas present.

01:23:01.000 I consider the ski trip a Christmas present, so I don't know why I have to also pay money, but I would be remiss if I skipped it a Christmas bonus.

01:23:10.000 I'd be remiss.

01:23:11.000 I would remiss you if you weren't around.

01:23:16.000 What's in that mailbag?

01:23:18.000 No, thank you, seriously.

01:23:20.000 Well, you've already blown it, really, on that stupid plane ticket.

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:24.000 Anyway, I'm going to show it to my dad and be like, hey, guess who's...

01:23:33.000 This one is from John.

01:23:35.000 I think race is bullshit.

01:23:43.000 So what he's doing is he's telling you what the YouTube video is saying, and it's absurd.

01:23:47.000 And the YouTube video is saying, I think race is bullshit because some guys are deformed, some have no legs, some no arms.

01:23:54.000 And I think one might just be a retard. 1.00

01:23:56.000 Thought you could do this on the show.

01:23:58.000 But we get good content, don't we?

01:23:59.000 What are you doing, Ryan?

01:24:00.000 Typing in race is bullshit.

01:24:02.000 What?

01:24:03.000 Race is bullshit. 0.95

01:24:05.000 But just go to the most recent mailbag thing.

01:24:08.000 Jesus Lord, I just paid you money.

01:24:10.000 This is the men's 50 meters backstroke S4 classification final.

01:24:16.000 Is this the Special Olympics?

01:24:21.000 Maybe you're saying racing is bullshit?

01:24:24.000 Because they're about to race.

01:24:25.000 Oh, this race. 0.99

01:24:27.000 I messed up.

01:24:28.000 Oh, that's what makes it possible.

01:24:31.000 I think this race is bullshit. 1.00

01:24:32.000 I was kidding, by the way.

01:24:34.000 Yeah, I screwed up.

01:24:36.000 No, I've already written about this in Tachymag.

01:24:38.000 The Paralympics is a complete farce.

01:24:41.000 They have an almost totally random criteria to define what your handicap is, right?

01:24:48.000 And everyone's different.

01:24:50.000 And then they penalize them separately in different ways.

01:24:53.000 So that guy with no legs will have a slightly easier time of it than the guy with legs or legs and no arms.

01:25:02.000 And you should hear the criteria.

01:25:04.000 It's just made up.

01:25:05.000 The whole Paralympics thing is just like a courtesy for people who are handicapped.

01:25:12.000 There's no actual merit to it.

01:25:14.000 It's just there to make us feel good about ourselves.

01:25:16.000 This should be called, you want to see people drown or no?

01:25:20.000 Because how's that guy going to swim?

01:25:22.000 Well, I found out later his name is Bob, and it's not a nickname.

01:25:25.000 It's a nickname.

01:25:26.000 Fuck, I ruined the joke.

01:25:29.000 My nose is so itchy, I wish I could scratch it.

01:25:32.000 That's terrible.

01:25:33.000 That's a stupid joke.

01:25:34.000 God, I apologize for making He's got one leg?

01:25:37.000 So all this guy has to do is finish the race and he gets a gold medal.

01:25:41.000 Whereas the guy with Down syndrome, who's in great shape, whoa, look how fat that athlete is.

01:25:48.000 You would think that he's using his core a lot to compensate.

01:25:57.000 Do they have 16 lifeguards on duty?

01:26:01.000 This is what we're starting to see in sports.

01:26:04.000 We're starting to see people ignore meritocracy and go by feelings.

01:26:08.000 It's going to ruin sports just like it ruins everything else.

01:26:11.000 I'm happy to watch this, though.

01:26:13.000 Whoa, what happened to my screen there?

01:26:15.000 Took a moment there on the box.

01:26:18.000 Appeared extremely calm and still.

01:26:21.000 My article on this subject.

01:26:23.000 Showing excellent.

01:26:24.000 You'll notice that I've pretty much covered everything already when you come up with a concept is called Paralympic Piffle.

01:26:30.000 I wrote it in 2012 at tachymag.com.

01:26:35.000 Oh, that's a handy trick.

01:26:39.000 Huge cheers for the Brazilian athlete.

01:26:42.000 He's like a little woman. 1.00

01:26:47.000 Although Petracek is challenging in lane four, it's got to be close to the bottom.

01:26:51.000 How is this a race?

01:26:53.000 They're actually doing pretty way better than I thought.

01:26:56.000 Hold on, they're all going to be fairly good.

01:26:57.000 Remember there was that African swimmer in the Olympics who couldn't finish?

01:27:01.000 Really?

01:27:01.000 Only 20 minutes of the pool left to go.

01:27:03.000 I fear that the Olympics are going to be a little bit more.

01:27:04.000 He just started swimming that year.

01:27:06.000 But he was the best swimmer in the country because it was some African shitball. 1.00

01:27:13.000 Go back, go back.

01:27:15.000 So it's the worm guy in the league.

01:27:18.000 Until he hits his head and knocks himself unconscious.

01:27:20.000 Oh my God, he did.

01:27:21.000 He can push right to the wall.

01:27:22.000 It will be Petracek claiming the goal.

01:27:24.000 Ouch.

01:27:28.000 What's that flag?

01:27:28.000 Is that Cuba?

01:27:29.000 Oh, Petriche.

01:27:32.000 Help! 0.98

01:27:41.000 But the line of the middle of the city.

01:27:42.000 Such a lame joke.

01:27:43.000 Czechoslovakia, it's all the Czech Republic. 0.89

01:27:48.000 Oh, the Czech Republic, sorry.

01:27:53.000 That's your article.

01:27:55.000 Piffle.

01:27:55.000 This is...

01:28:02.000 But this guy has said that social distortion is not punk.

01:28:05.000 I've seen them.

01:28:06.000 Please look up Mike Ness makeup.

01:28:09.000 The Mike Ness monster.

01:28:11.000 You're talking to a 49-year-old who was into punk in the early 80s.

01:28:16.000 So of course I'm familiar with social distortion.

01:28:19.000 Of course, I've seen his stupid makeup and how he says it's good for sympathy to wear eye makeup.

01:28:27.000 And of course, I know social distortions suck shit.

01:28:34.000 To me, it's very fashionable.

01:28:37.000 And it's a look that I've wanted for a long time.

01:28:40.000 Most guys don't know how to wear makeup anyways.

01:28:43.000 Yes.

01:28:44.000 Naturally, they think you're gay.

01:28:47.000 He's a total Hillerite who recently jumped into the audience.

01:28:50.000 They're still going, social D. I just kind of like the sympathetic look when I'm on stage.

01:28:57.000 It just looks more natural, too.

01:29:00.000 But it kind of like looks as though you've been crying or something.

01:29:05.000 Kind of makes me have a sympathetic feeling.

01:29:11.000 And he beat the shit out of a Trump supporter because he was like, fuck Trump.

01:29:14.000 Anyone in here likes Trump?

01:29:15.000 They can fuck off.

01:29:16.000 And the guy's like, I'm kind of a fan.

01:29:18.000 And he jumped in the audience and beat him.

01:29:20.000 All right.

01:29:20.000 Last letter here.

01:29:22.000 This, again, is from the report request, so I don't really have it in.

01:29:25.000 Oh, no, Amy.

01:29:27.000 Hey, guys, Gavin Milo and Ryan.

01:29:31.000 That's a first.

01:29:33.000 The cheetah pastel backdrop combined with dark neutral set furniture, Milo's platinum locks are lovely, but fade into the backdrop, made the last Friday night episode look very tough to stomach visually.

01:29:44.000 Oh, Ryan's going to be pissed.

01:29:45.000 Gavin, how could you sleep through and be such a drunken mess on the episode?

01:29:51.000 It was great.

01:29:54.000 You proved Friday night that you are competent, even inebriated, at least somewhat.

01:29:59.000 Oh, thank you.

01:30:00.000 I'm surprised I didn't get more shit for being such a negligent fuckwad.

01:30:05.000 Well, I mean, you were on time and you were waiting there for a while.

01:30:08.000 You came there early.

01:30:09.000 You know, the show started a little late.

01:30:11.000 No, I was on time.

01:30:12.000 Everyone else was late.

01:30:13.000 When Milo's mic went silent, I wanted to box you for being rude.

01:30:17.000 How could you abandon live taping for the toilet twice?

01:30:19.000 I have no recollection of that whatsoever.

01:30:22.000 Really, you don't?

01:30:23.000 Nope.

01:30:23.000 I barely remember that.

01:30:24.000 I could fill you in.

01:30:25.000 What happened?

01:30:26.000 You went to go take a tinkle, and it messed up the mic frequencies because they depend on, you know, both of them need one of the mics around or whatever.

01:30:35.000 So when you left the area, it confuses the whole shit.

01:30:38.000 So the second time you were going to take a piss, we said, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:30:41.000 And we all stopped you.

01:30:43.000 And then we said, you got to, you can't.

01:30:45.000 I should have taken it.

01:30:46.000 You should have had me take my mic off and leave it there.

01:30:49.000 What we thought instead is you just pissed inside of a thing, inside of Garrett's metal mug, which he's no longer using.

01:30:57.000 Really?

01:30:57.000 That happened, yeah.

01:30:58.000 Somebody gave it to him.

01:30:59.000 It was like, it's made out of like a military shell, like a tank shell or something.

01:31:04.000 He's not drinking from my piss cup anymore?

01:31:06.000 No, you threw your hat.

01:31:08.000 Look how ornery.

01:31:10.000 Of booty-shaking African-American excess? 1.00

01:31:13.000 That was a fucking total waste of time.

01:31:15.000 That piss cup.

01:31:18.000 What was a total waste of time?

01:31:19.000 That video of the Santa people dancing?

01:31:22.000 I almost remember that.

01:31:24.000 Santa people.

01:31:26.000 You slept through the show.

01:31:27.000 You also proved that Milo is so much the public speaker that he kept that episode together in spite of your blunders and the libertarian idiots.

01:31:34.000 Daniel Chrisman, she writes in brackets.

01:31:37.000 Insistence on discussing monopolies.

01:31:39.000 Chrisman seemed very dim, though Milo was gracious enough to only unearth fragments of his guest's lunacy and ridiculous political ramblings.

01:31:47.000 Daniel does not seem to grasp how capitalism makes America great with a free market.

01:31:52.000 I was drawn in when you and Milo discussed the New York murders by the BHI.

01:31:56.000 Is it possible that you two are really onto something with regards to the actual verses intended victims of a cover-up?

01:32:03.000 I could not stop watching.

01:32:04.000 By the way, I didn't get fired.

01:32:05.000 I quit my job today.

01:32:06.000 Amy.

01:32:08.000 Yeah, we got someone else who wrote in about that black Hebrew Israelites thing.

01:32:14.000 Where did I put that?

01:32:19.000 Oh, are you looking for that?

01:32:20.000 By the way, remember they did that All in the Family reboot and then the Jeffersons with Woody Harrelson and Jamie Foxx?

01:32:27.000 Yes.

01:32:28.000 They got another one tonight.

01:32:29.000 It's All in the Family in Good Times.

01:32:33.000 Okay.

01:32:34.000 So the last one, you know, I don't know.

01:32:39.000 It was a little cucked.

01:32:41.000 It was boring.

01:32:42.000 It was a little cucked.

01:32:43.000 But, you know, it's kind of exciting.

01:32:46.000 This is cuckery.

01:32:48.000 I think Kevin Bacon is the new Archie Bunker.

01:32:52.000 Yeah, someone sent in a letter saying, no, you're spreading bullshit conspiracy theories online.

01:33:02.000 Where did he say that?

01:33:04.000 I'm sorry, this is annoying.

01:33:08.000 Okay, there we go.

01:33:09.000 Is it this?

01:33:10.000 This article clearly states the sequence of events.

01:33:12.000 This is from.

01:33:16.000 Oh, boy.

01:33:17.000 This is from what, Ryan?

01:33:19.000 Actually, it doesn't tell me when it's forwarded.

01:33:21.000 It says the article clearly states the sequence of events.

01:33:24.000 The detective was killed when he went to examine a suspicious truck in the graveyard.

01:33:26.000 There it is.

01:33:27.000 Yeah.

01:33:28.000 Is that to mailbag?

01:33:29.000 It was to support forward.

01:33:31.000 Right, so not mailbag.

01:33:32.000 That's no longer my email for some strange reason.

01:33:35.000 Yeah, so read that email again, sorry?

01:33:38.000 The article clearly states the sequence of events.

01:33:38.000 Yeah.

01:33:40.000 The detective was killed when he went to examine a suspicious truck in the graveyard.

01:33:45.000 There were no cops chasing the assailants at that point.

01:33:47.000 They found the market.

01:33:48.000 Whether they knew about it before or not is immaterial.

01:33:51.000 Then they shot the people who died as they entered the market.

01:33:54.000 By the time the cops arrived, the victims had already been killed.

01:33:57.000 You're engaging in conspiracy theories for, seemingly, no other reason than you're not familiar with all the facts.

01:34:02.000 I know we hate the times, but here's a little reason.

01:34:05.000 There's little reason for them to lie about any of this.

01:34:07.000 I agree with them on that.

01:34:09.000 But listen to your own email, right?

01:34:16.000 There was a shooting in the cemetery where a detective was killed.

01:34:20.000 If it was the two perps that did the mass shooting, what do you mean no cops were chasing them?

01:34:26.000 You don't shoot a detective and then go on a stroll and say, all right, that was kind of distracting, but do you want to carry out our terror attack now?

01:34:34.000 Hmm.

01:34:36.000 I mean, just take about 10 steps back and go, isn't it weird that right before a mass shooting, there was a shootout with the same people at a cemetery?

01:34:45.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:34:47.000 Now, at Charlie Ebdo, when they were on their way to do the terror shooting, they ran into cops.

01:34:53.000 That's different.

01:34:55.000 This was a totally unrelated incident.

01:34:57.000 Even if it had happened two days before, a day before, I wouldn't be so obsessed with it.

01:35:02.000 But it happened immediately before.

01:35:05.000 Maybe I have to research this better.

01:35:09.000 I didn't know that.

01:35:10.000 The first body was found stuffed inside the trunk of a Lincoln town car.

01:35:14.000 They mentioned a moving van.

01:35:15.000 Okay, scroll down.

01:35:16.000 Tuesday, a police officer.

01:35:17.000 No, no, no.

01:35:19.000 Joe Seals was on duty nearby.

01:35:20.000 He grew up in the area, joined the force.

01:35:22.000 He was apparently on his way to meet a confidential blah, blah, blah.

01:35:26.000 God, they're so verbose at the New York Times.

01:35:29.000 Where weeds grow thick among the graves.

01:35:32.000 Yeah, there's no need for that, right?

01:35:32.000 Fuck off.

01:35:34.000 Go down.

01:35:36.000 Whoa.

01:35:36.000 Cemetery picture.

01:35:37.000 Okay.

01:35:38.000 Shortly afterward, he was shot dead at the hands of a couple who then...

01:35:41.000 Okay, that is the paragraph that is confusing me.

01:35:46.000 Shortly afterward, Detective Seals was shot dead at the hands of a couple who carried out I guess that's possible.

01:35:56.000 But that's, I want more exposition there.

01:36:00.000 Like, you're on your way to go do a mass shooting, an anti-Semitic mass shooting, which I do still think it was. 1.00

01:36:06.000 I believe the black Hebrew Israelites are anti-Semitic. 1.00

01:36:09.000 But then, like, on the way, hey, look, there's a cup there.

01:36:11.000 He's asking questions.

01:36:13.000 Anywho.

01:36:16.000 I've never heard of that before.

01:36:18.000 Having an unrelated shooting on your way to a hate crime.

01:36:21.000 He had spotted a you.

01:36:22.000 Oh, wait, so he wasn't even inspecting their van, and they were like, oh, this guy's getting suspicious.

01:36:26.000 And bam, they shot him.

01:36:28.000 Yeah, that had nothing to do with them.

01:36:30.000 That's conceivable, but I want more exposition there.

01:36:33.000 Right.

01:36:34.000 All right, we're out of time.

01:36:35.000 Kind of weird.

01:36:36.000 But let's end with another fantastic video today on the videos show.

01:36:42.000 And if you like this format, we can focus more on viral videos regularly.

01:36:45.000 I thought that top 10 list was a little repetitive.

01:36:51.000 But maybe, why aren't we allowed to be repetitive?

01:36:54.000 The Rolling Stone's been playing the same fucking songs for 50 years.

01:36:57.000 Comedians have to get a new material a year, but they get to do a whole year of the same 15 minutes.

01:37:03.000 I got to have a whole new show every single goddamn day.

01:37:06.000 I can't enjoy watching some old lady get rammed on the beach for not having a strong enough force field. 1.00

01:37:13.000 See, I'm laughing just remembering it.

01:37:15.000 Boy, she really goes flying, doesn't she? 1.00

01:37:18.000 You know, I don't think she pooped herself, though.

01:37:20.000 I think she may have pissed herself. 0.80

01:37:22.000 Or I didn't see a wet spot, but I think she actually suffered some kind of tailbone pain. 1.00

01:37:27.000 But she landed on the beach.

01:37:30.000 Yeah.

01:37:30.000 But with the weight of another man crashing in.

01:37:32.000 what do you think was going to happen?

01:37:34.000 He would just go and then land in the water.

01:37:40.000 Well, now your cult just went from 13 people to 13 million people, sir, because you're fucking magic.

01:37:47.000 And I'm not Christian anymore.

01:37:49.000 I don't believe in Jesus.

01:37:50.000 You're the Messiah.

01:37:52.000 I have to reboot everything.

01:37:54.000 All scientists have to go back to school.

01:37:56.000 Everything we know about physics is wrong.

01:37:58.000 Pretty major breakthrough.

01:38:00.000 I would say the most major breakthrough since Jesus Christ and the miracles.

01:38:04.000 Welcome to the new religion of you. 0.99

01:38:07.000 So that's one possibility.

01:38:10.000 The other possibility, which is a lot more likely, is that you send this woman careing across the beach at slightly less than your 30 miles an hour. 1.00

01:38:22.000 Let's say 28, I think, when she initially was struck.

01:38:26.000 Anyway, let's end it with this guy, Iron E. Singleton.

01:38:31.000 I'd never heard of him before I saw this video.

01:38:34.000 He's apparently a member of the cast member of Walking Dead.

01:38:39.000 I don't know that show.

01:38:40.000 Oh, that's why I recognize him.

01:38:45.000 Oh my God.

01:38:45.000 Collaboration with the Canadian rock band Surface Rising, and they joined us here in studio this morning to perform their single What do you think you gave them?

01:38:52.000 Like, here's five grand.

01:38:54.000 I need you to do music for me.

01:38:56.000 I'm kind of a zombie now.

01:38:59.000 I knew I wasn't.

01:39:00.000 I gotta be honest.

01:39:01.000 I kind of like his outfit.

01:39:03.000 Yeah.

01:39:05.000 I kind of like everything that happens from this broad.

01:39:08.000 I'm psycho.

01:39:09.000 This is my favorite part coming up.

01:39:12.000 I am mentally deranged.

01:39:16.000 Keep this first of me, the ultimate dragon.

01:39:19.000 My takers from blood and door.

01:39:21.000 What a catastrophe.

01:39:22.000 Robbery, rape, and murder.

01:39:24.000 Dig them in an enemy.

01:39:25.000 This is a cessation from eating.

01:39:27.000 Can get the best of could the sound be worse?

01:39:30.000 Imagine he's working the soundboard.

01:39:32.000 It's really thin and bad and shitty.

01:39:34.000 Yeah, it sounds like it's recorded on a cassette.

01:39:37.000 Did you hear the MIDI intro?

01:39:39.000 It was like a psychogenesis.

01:39:40.000 It was like when did the chorus start?

01:40:02.000 It just sort of shows up.

01:40:06.000 The chorus comes wandering into the song from outside.

01:40:09.000 Does this do anything?

01:40:11.000 Does this chorus anything?

01:40:13.000 chorus, Orson.

01:40:21.000 The solo during...

01:40:23.000 'Cause emo's lurking, maybe not.

01:40:26.000 'Cause emo's lurking, maybe not.

01:40:34.000 I want these guys to play at my funeral.

01:40:36.000 They should have changed the lighting for them.

01:40:39.000 There's so much that the studio, like, these guys obviously are a joke, but there's so much the studio could have done.

01:40:45.000 With better sound, lowering the lights.

01:40:48.000 Maybe throwing some ghosts in there.

01:40:51.000 Like actual ghost, like summon a demon.

01:40:53.000 Yeah, summon a demon, open up the floor, have hell show up. 0.85

01:40:57.000 Light people on fire.

01:40:59.000 Just with a little bit of like that.

01:41:00.000 Just maybe like a quarter inch of blood across the floor.

01:41:04.000 Real blood.

01:41:05.000 Maybe pigs, bud. 0.99

01:41:06.000 'Cause we are,'cause we are, the walking dead.

01:41:13.000 Love his carpet on his drum kit from his mom's house.

01:41:20.000 Uh-oh, someone's out of gas.

01:41:23.000 You gotta work on your cardio there.

01:41:26.000 What's his name?

01:41:26.000 Iron E. His name is spelled capital I-R-O-N.

01:41:30.000 And then capital E. Have you ever seen that before?

01:41:33.000 A word, anything, where you just all of a sudden have a capital E. Iron E. A lot of rappers I knew back in the day, they had more of a concept than skill.

01:41:43.000 It's like Iron E, get it?

01:41:45.000 Because I and E. Thank you for this gift.

01:41:48.000 Amen.

01:41:48.000 Let's eat.

01:41:49.000 From Russia to Japan, to Iraq, to Sudan.

01:41:52.000 United is to stay.

01:41:54.000 This might not work for me.

01:41:57.000 Oh, I'm starting to understand the lyrics.

01:41:59.000 He's part of a global Walking Dead community.

01:42:01.000 Like, he's a zombie in this song.

01:42:04.000 And Sudan, Toronto, they all, I don't know how they network, maybe through like some sort of ulterior force in the cosmos. 0.82

01:42:12.000 But he, him and the other zombies are a crew, yo.

01:42:15.000 Oh, shit.

01:42:18.000 We gotta go.

01:42:20.000 Yeah.

01:42:20.000 Oh, man.

01:42:21.000 Okay.

01:42:21.000 Get fired.

01:42:22.000 Get in trouble.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 19, 2019

S02E101 - 10 BEST VIRAL VIDEOS

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript