Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 31, 2019


S02E106 - MAIL BAG 2019 (Part 2)

Topics
partying tips only 13 hours
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Terry Collins Ryan Katsu Rivera Gavin Tommy Hydroman Miranda Lena Dunham Nespresso Bella Justin Trudeau David Starkey Lauren Order Chris Rock Bard Romo Adderall Wiley Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Maria Bartiromo Charles Dickens Noah Syndergaard Greenwood Dove and 38 more
S02E105 - MAIL BAG 2019 (Part 1) GOML LIVE #27 | BOXING DAY (Part 1)

Episode Stats


Length

58 minutes

Words per minute

166.28

Word count

9,680

Sentence count

1,361

Harmful content

Misogyny

111

sentences flagged

Toxicity

308

sentences flagged

Hate speech

61

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week's mailbag mailbag questions include: - What's the worst thing a person can do in the UK? - Who's the most annoying person in the world? - How bad is it to be black in Britain? - Is it harder to be a black person in Britain than it is in the US? - What is a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10? - Does a 1 become a 1 because she's the ugliest girl on the island? - Can you be a 1 and a 2 and still be a 2? - How old is it? - Is a 1 better than a 2 or a 3?

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:02.000 Pull out with no cash on me, calm down with no mash on me Stay away from these ashy youths for they come around and get ash from me That's five thousand capacity five thousand capacity Then spread the whole UK Who the fuck when they gashed you up like you're good enough to be cashin' me Oh beats up arresting me Trudge me up people gas to me Them look of rich when I try to me Oh man, 1.00
00:00:29.000 do you want depth to me I'm a enemy eyes Lippin' in the edge to the end of our lives Who finished and telling me lies along with my enemy dive ahead of my time Me team boy start slitting off live We can never ever ever level in prize Take that feeling in So yesterday these are two mailbag special shows yesterday we had Wiley and that was from 2004. 0.80
00:00:56.000 And today that's Wiley's latest hit.
00:00:56.000 Why not?
00:00:59.000 He's actually it's not his hit.
00:01:00.000 He's guesting on this particular song.
00:01:02.000 Stormzy is the song and oh wait, no.
00:01:06.000 Stormzy's the rapper and Audacity was the song.
00:01:13.000 It's about how hard it is to be black in Britain and how everyone's always accusing him of stuff. 0.99
00:01:19.000 Meanwhile, he's standing on a fucking 18-wheeler and there's dead bodies in a freezer. 0.99
00:01:24.000 Looks like we got the right guy. 0.99
00:01:26.000 People always harassing me. 0.99
00:01:28.000 All I do is murder people and freeze them. 0.99
00:01:31.000 And I'm the bad guy. 0.99
00:01:32.000 We meet up in abandoned buildings with masks on with fire stat. 0.95
00:01:35.000 All I do is drive around on my 18-wheeler killing people and freezing them to death. 0.97
00:01:40.000 Freezing dead people. 1.00
00:01:42.000 trespassing and I'm fucking Looking dumpster fires. 0.99
00:01:49.000 All I do is run the underworld in huge underground caves with human sacrifices and take over the roadways with my biker gang. 1.00
00:01:59.000 And the police are like, oh, I hate you.
00:02:01.000 I have a heart out akin to pain.
00:02:04.000 I'm basically the bad guy in the movie, The Mummy.
00:02:09.000 And people think I'm evil.
00:02:10.000 Just because I act like Imhotemp. 1.00
00:02:12.000 Just because I haven't seen the sun in nine years.
00:02:16.000 I'm the bad guy.
00:02:17.000 Just because I'm the bad guy, everyone thinks I'm the bad guy.
00:02:20.000 You're the bad guy in this movie you made.
00:02:22.000 And you're mad that people think...
00:02:27.000 He's been swinging upside down for too long. 1.00
00:02:29.000 He says, motherfucker got a bad because I'm brown. 1.00
00:02:29.000 And fuck the police. 1.00
00:02:33.000 And then the same album, he goes, I never should have been let out the penitentiary. 1.00
00:02:38.000 So the cops are right.
00:02:40.000 So Tim Hunt was right.
00:02:43.000 About 40, 45 years.
00:02:44.000 40, 40, 45, 45.
00:02:46.000 That is addicting.
00:02:47.000 I gotta look that up.
00:02:48.000 Addictive.
00:02:49.000 Oh, snaps. 0.55
00:02:50.000 What did you ask?
00:02:51.000 So last episode, I cut you off because I thought it would be funny to be mean.
00:02:56.000 Yes.
00:02:57.000 Funny to be mean. 1.00
00:03:03.000 So what is your stupid analogy? 1.00
00:03:05.000 Well, it's not an analogy. 1.00
00:03:06.000 It's a what if.
00:03:07.000 Now, let's say you're on an island.
00:03:09.000 And there's only you'll only ever see the hundred girls that live on that island. 1.00
00:03:14.000 Does a three no, let's say there's a one on that island, a global one, but now she's on that island, she'll never leave, you'll never see any other one.
00:03:23.000 So does that three become a one because she's the ugliest girl on that island? 1.00
00:03:27.000 No.
00:03:30.000 You're off the books.
00:03:32.000 Here's the deal.
00:03:32.000 You don't get to see a one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
00:03:36.000 Oh.
00:03:38.000 You can in cities.
00:03:39.000 You can.
00:03:40.000 I mean, if you live in the middle of nowhere, it kind of changes things, but you're still in society.
00:03:45.000 If you're on a desert island, you're not in society. 1.00
00:03:47.000 So is it relative?
00:03:48.000 Or is it static and it's a one is a one, a two is a two?
00:03:54.000 Like, what if there was ten girls there? 1.00
00:03:54.000 I know what you're saying. 1.00
00:03:58.000 Right.
00:03:59.000 Or whatever, a hundred.
00:04:01.000 Could they all be tens?
00:04:02.000 There's literally no one?
00:04:04.000 What if one is a nine?
00:04:04.000 No.
00:04:05.000 Does she become a one, the other becomes a ten?
00:04:08.000 Because they always say that, too, about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
00:04:12.000 If it was like your friend's girlfriend, you'd go, oh, my friend's hanging out with this six. 0.86
00:04:15.000 She's really political. 0.97
00:04:17.000 But in the world of politics, they're all so ugly. 0.97
00:04:20.000 She's more like almost an eight.
00:04:22.000 She's a 7.8.
00:04:24.000 I see what you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:26.000 Or who's the chick, the Hawaiian chick? 0.98
00:04:30.000 That Hawaiian joint?
00:04:31.000 That Hawaiian joint?
00:04:33.000 Talib.
00:04:34.000 No, no, no.
00:04:35.000 I'm sorry.
00:04:36.000 Taliban.
00:04:37.000 Yeah.
00:04:38.000 She's, to walk down the street, she's pretty old. 1.00
00:04:41.000 So you'd say that's, I'm not, I can't go much above seven. 0.99
00:04:45.000 She's fucking 55 or something. 0.99
00:04:47.000 Would you ever, but in the political sphere, she's like an 8.8. 1.00
00:04:53.000 Would you ever say something like, she's an 8 but has a wooden leg if she has a wooden leg? 0.75
00:04:56.000 Or does her wooden leg make her something else? 1.00
00:04:58.000 Well, now we're getting more, now I can understand it more.
00:05:00.000 Because I will admit I was actually confused by your desert thing.
00:05:04.000 Meaning not confident with my response.
00:05:06.000 Were you saying that if there's no Cheetos on an island, a coconut doesn't become a Cheeto?
00:05:12.000 Right, I was saying you don't deserve Cheetos, so you can't just say, well, there's no Cheetos here, so this coconut is basically the most Cheeto thing, so it's a Cheeto.
00:05:19.000 No, there's no Cheetos.
00:05:20.000 There's no tens.
00:05:21.000 But also, if there's 10 girls there, you're going to have different scales.
00:05:25.000 Like, you'll be like, this one girl on this desert island has two boobs, two arms, two legs. 1.00
00:05:32.000 She can breathe and she can walk. 0.95
00:05:34.000 And she might be good at hunting pigs. 0.99
00:05:36.000 Like in Africa, they prefer women with fat asses because genetically they feel like they're, and this is biological, they feel like their population needs help. 0.99
00:05:46.000 You know, they're under duress population-wise, even though their population is soaring. 0.99
00:05:50.000 But, you know, God put it in their DNA that, uh-oh, we need to make more.
00:05:54.000 We're not established yet as a society.
00:05:56.000 So they like big hips. 1.00
00:05:57.000 Conversely, you have Finland and Northern Europe where they go, we are already very established, so we don't need to breed them all.
00:06:05.000 So they're not attracted to women with big child-bearing hips.
00:06:09.000 And the ideal Swedish woman looks like a 12-year-old boy. 1.00
00:06:13.000 I see what you mean, yeah.
00:06:14.000 So your taste is contingent on what you need to survive.
00:06:19.000 So it is relative.
00:06:20.000 It's global.
00:06:21.000 It's like a Chinese one in a Swedish one. 1.00
00:06:24.000 Chinese people are the same as us, you racist pig. 1.00
00:06:27.000 I know. 1.00
00:06:29.000 So if you go to China, there's a one, there's a ten. 0.96
00:06:31.000 By the way, China do you think of them as not human?
00:06:34.000 No, you're a well-trained soldier.
00:06:36.000 Of course, I think they're human.
00:06:40.000 Wow, that was weird.
00:06:41.000 Is there a Chinese one?
00:06:45.000 Do Chinese people eat food?
00:06:49.000 Yeah.
00:06:51.000 All right, so shall we get back to the letters too soon?
00:06:55.000 Oh, we could.
00:06:57.000 A, B, C, D, just kidding. 1.00
00:07:00.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad. 0.99
00:07:04.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag. 1.00
00:07:10.000 Let me touch it.
00:07:12.000 I'm going to send you a commercial for an espresso that I just saw on Reddit.
00:07:18.000 And I thought, you know what we should do?
00:07:20.000 We should edit in, or maybe a viewer at home can do this, edit in footage of the white farmers in South Africa and maybe cut out when he says Puerto Rico and make this commercial all about the farmers in South Africa who are being murdered and need help.
00:07:39.000 Yeah.
00:07:40.000 This would be such a funny ad.
00:07:41.000 So you have like over, you know, 6,000 South African farmers have been murdered in the past four years or whatever it is.
00:07:49.000 And you show these gory pictures and then you say, but Hollywood is fighting back.
00:07:54.000 You'd have to kill this Nespresso part.
00:07:57.000 We are boutist.
00:07:58.000 Puerto Rico is our coffee.
00:08:00.000 And local props were totally.
00:08:01.000 One of the things we are about to stop in Puerto Rico is our coffee.
00:08:05.000 And local props were totally wiped out.
00:08:08.000 So we formed a coalition.
00:08:10.000 We call them the Coffee Avengers to help local farmers rebuild their crops.
00:08:13.000 You're sticking it out through all this.
00:08:15.000 You're not going anywhere.
00:08:16.000 There, you could use that.
00:08:17.000 Oh, but Nespresso is still there.
00:08:19.000 Nespresso, yeah.
00:08:20.000 Is it still going?
00:08:21.000 Keep playing it.
00:08:22.000 One of the things we're doing.
00:08:23.000 Well, that's doubled with Puerto Rico.
00:08:25.000 It's 15 seconds long.
00:08:26.000 And local crops.
00:08:27.000 Well, there's another one where he says, if you can save one farm, then you can save a community.
00:08:34.000 You're stretching it out.
00:08:36.000 I'm just wasting your time.
00:08:37.000 Sorry.
00:08:38.000 I thought, find the longer one of that and then take all the footage, not you, but then take all the footage that doesn't mention Puerto Rico or coffee and just talks about crops and farmers, and then make it about the white farmers of South Africa.
00:08:50.000 And you have a funny bit.
00:08:51.000 That's something I should have done.
00:08:53.000 You're paying for funny bits, and I'm sitting here giving you a homework assignment.
00:08:56.000 I allopogize.
00:08:58.000 All right.
00:08:59.000 This is from Ben.
00:09:02.000 Do you know where I'm going here, by the way?
00:09:03.000 Are you seeing my pattern?
00:09:05.000 I'm going up from the last Richard one.
00:09:08.000 This is Ben Ebacker.
00:09:11.000 And the question is, is this real?
00:09:15.000 I can't.
00:09:16.000 I'm banned from Facebook.
00:09:18.000 Oh, here we go.
00:09:20.000 I got it.
00:09:21.000 Okay.
00:09:22.000 Follow link.
00:09:24.000 This is from December 2nd.
00:09:26.000 No, 2020 Democratic candidate calls from legalizing bestiality, where you are pleasuring the animal in 2013.
00:09:33.000 So this is Sank Uger.
00:09:35.000 I have decided what that boing boing chick was doing. 1.00
00:09:38.000 She was doing a jaywalking bestiality.
00:09:41.000 Like, yeah, it might technically be a crime, but let's not waste the court's time on jaywalking.
00:09:46.000 Okay.
00:09:47.000 Yeah, yeah, fair enough.
00:09:47.000 You see what I'm saying?
00:09:48.000 But here comes the controversial part, the part I shouldn't say.
00:09:52.000 I believe that I am going.
00:09:54.000 If I were the ruler, the benevolent dictator of the world, I would legalize bestiality where you are.
00:10:02.000 Just pause.
00:10:03.000 What's with his eyes?
00:10:04.000 He's stoned.
00:10:06.000 Is he stoned?
00:10:08.000 I haven't been stoned in so long.
00:10:10.000 This is pot talk.
00:10:13.000 If I was the benevolent dictator, I would be.
00:10:16.000 First of all, there'd be free cupcakes.
00:10:19.000 Because he's got those eyes.
00:10:20.000 You know who has those eyes?
00:10:21.000 She's super hot. 1.00
00:10:23.000 Marina Bartamaliona.
00:10:26.000 She does the Fox business, business reports.
00:10:30.000 She's super attractive. 1.00
00:10:31.000 But her eyes are always wet.
00:10:33.000 It looks like she just got done crying.
00:10:35.000 And she just went, like she dumped her bow and she goes, I'm fine.
00:10:38.000 Let's go.
00:10:38.000 I'm fine.
00:10:39.000 Okay.
00:10:40.000 So what are we going to order?
00:10:43.000 Yeah.
00:10:45.000 What's her name?
00:10:49.000 Now, you know how we were talking about sexual attraction the other day?
00:10:51.000 Bard Romo. 0.79
00:10:51.000 Bard Romo. 0.79
00:10:52.000 Martina Maria Bartimono.
00:10:56.000 Just change your name to Jen Brown. 1.00
00:10:59.000 We were talking about sex appeal and how there's beautiful women that just don't have it, like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. 1.00
00:11:06.000 Conversely, this woman's old as shit. 1.00
00:11:11.000 And I've got a boner. 1.00
00:11:14.000 I don't know what it is.
00:11:16.000 It's hard to explain. 1.00
00:11:18.000 She could have the shittiest tits. 1.00
00:11:19.000 She could have Ryan Ketsu Rivera's tits. 1.00
00:11:22.000 Shit tits. 1.00
00:11:23.000 Ryan Titsu Rivera. 1.00
00:11:26.000 And I would still be on board. 1.00
00:11:28.000 Anyway, sorry, let's go back to Stony Bologna saying we should fuck animals. 1.00
00:11:33.000 Giving. 1.00
00:11:36.000 You are pleasuring the animal.
00:11:38.000 You see what I'm saying?
00:11:40.000 Okay.
00:11:41.000 Okay.
00:11:42.000 Why not why?
00:11:43.000 Why did that happen?
00:11:45.000 Yeah, what's everyone's problem?
00:11:49.000 Okay.
00:11:51.000 Okay.
00:11:52.000 Why not why?
00:11:52.000 Why did that happen?
00:11:53.000 Because you're talking about pleasuring animals.
00:11:57.000 That's why.
00:11:58.000 Why is this even a priority?
00:12:00.000 Like, why does this exist?
00:12:01.000 I don't know.
00:12:02.000 Oh, I know why, because he's a Turk and he's Muslim and he realizes that – It was like Thursday. 0.77
00:12:14.000 And they'd be, I'm not lying.
00:12:15.000 They'd be sitting there with the infrareds going, oh my God.
00:12:19.000 Oh, for crying out loud. 1.00
00:12:21.000 And they just see these jihadis or even just local farmers just fucking the shit out of goats and sheep on Thursdays. 1.00
00:12:28.000 There's a goat fucking day. 1.00
00:12:29.000 And that day lasts their entire life. 1.00
00:12:34.000 It is the longest day. 0.99
00:12:35.000 It's the dumbest thing I've said. 1.00
00:12:36.000 It really is the dumbest thing you said. 1.00
00:12:37.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:12:38.000 I'll tell you why.
00:12:38.000 I'll tell you why.
00:12:39.000 Because like, so there's like, was the case that we covered where there was like a guy or a girl or something that was pleasuring a horse and the horse came to a conclusion, right?
00:12:48.000 The horse decided, I don't want to do this anymore.
00:12:50.000 That was his conclusion.
00:12:51.000 How about a chipmunk?
00:12:52.000 You know that people who are... 1.00
00:12:55.000 Shut up. 0.99
00:12:55.000 No, I can't see what you're doing. 0.99
00:12:57.000 I'm jerking off a chipmunk. 0.99
00:12:59.000 Okay, can you mind your own business, please? 0.99
00:13:01.000 Oh, my...
00:13:05.000 He's trying to escape.
00:13:06.000 No, he's enjoying it. 1.00
00:13:08.000 You like that, you little whore? 1.00
00:13:09.000 Hey? 1.00
00:13:10.000 Yeah.
00:13:11.000 This is me.
00:13:12.000 Guess what I'm doing right now?
00:13:15.000 Rubbing the stimulus area of an octopi.
00:13:19.000 No, a mouse. 1.00
00:13:20.000 You like that, you little bitch? 1.00
00:13:20.000 Ah. 1.00
00:13:21.000 Hey? 0.99
00:13:22.000 Fucking yeah. 0.99
00:13:23.000 Who's hung like a rodent? 0.99
00:13:25.000 No, I'm not a homo.
00:13:25.000 Yeah.
00:13:27.000 I'm rubbing a mouse pussy. 1.00
00:13:30.000 Oh, I'm sorry. 1.00
00:13:31.000 A mouse is pussy by Kevin McInnes. 0.98
00:13:35.000 By Charles Dickens. 1.00
00:13:37.000 Hey, look, not to be a downer about what you're saying, because what you're saying sounds kind of funny, but a lot of people who are being raped can actually have an orgasm. 0.99
00:13:48.000 So if a guy is being raped, he can have an orgasm. 0.99
00:13:50.000 Like you can't say, oh, if you come, that means you wanted it. 0.95
00:13:54.000 That's not the right way to go. 0.77
00:13:55.000 But number one, you're being an unbelievable downer.
00:13:58.000 I am, but that's the truth.
00:13:59.000 Number two, they're not both humans.
00:14:00.000 Number three, I mean, if you really ask the horse, did you mind?
00:14:05.000 The answer's got to be, no!
00:14:09.000 Do you see what I'm saying?
00:14:10.000 No.
00:14:11.000 Who's in the audience?
00:14:12.000 It sounds like seven people.
00:14:13.000 I'm going to leave it be.
00:14:14.000 Okay.
00:14:15.000 Probably his tech guys.
00:14:16.000 Yeah.
00:14:16.000 I don't like...
00:14:19.000 That's kind of endearing.
00:14:21.000 I didn't know they. 0.99
00:14:22.000 Why is it illegal to fuck a horse? 0.99
00:14:25.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:14:26.000 As far as society goes.
00:14:28.000 Probably for our own benefit. 0.98
00:14:29.000 We probably do end up getting pretty shitty people. 0.84
00:14:31.000 It's not like you end up with some scientist that was going to save the world who happened to be blowing mice. 0.78
00:14:37.000 Yeah.
00:14:38.000 If you're not blowing mice like you want to be, what are you doing?
00:14:40.000 Does it come up?
00:14:41.000 Like, how often is bestiality in court?
00:14:44.000 He's talking about wasting the court's time.
00:14:46.000 Is this a thing?
00:14:47.000 Another bestiality case.
00:14:47.000 Boom.
00:14:49.000 It's a Lauren Order branch spin-off. 0.99
00:14:54.000 It seems like this guy was screwing a rat. 0.98
00:14:56.000 Well, seems like this. 0.98
00:14:57.000 I was talking to Ann Coulter the other day, and she said there was this episode where this guy was, it was like a rancher. 0.91
00:15:07.000 Kids were coming, young men were coming to his ranch, and he was anally raping them. 0.99
00:15:10.000 And he was like a macho all-American dude who was not a child rapist, but a teen rapist. 0.99
00:15:16.000 And Ann was like, that's not a thing. 1.00
00:15:19.000 There is a thing, though, with gays raping younger men. 1.00
00:15:23.000 And so she wrote an article about that. 0.99
00:15:25.000 And I told her that I saw Law and Order once.
00:15:27.000 Did I tell you this already?
00:15:29.000 The superintendent?
00:15:31.000 Not that comes to mind.
00:15:32.000 Okay.
00:15:33.000 Get this for a plot of Law and Order.
00:15:34.000 Law and Order is over the top.
00:15:36.000 It's like the new Rambo film.
00:15:38.000 So there's this beautiful building that overlooks Central Park in New York City. 0.99
00:15:43.000 And the super of that building, I did tell you this, the super of that building is treated like shit by the rich fucking New Yorkers because that's the way they are in these fancy buildings. 1.00
00:15:56.000 They totally treat their doormen like shit. 1.00
00:15:58.000 No, they don't. 1.00
00:15:59.000 I've lived in one of those buildings.
00:16:00.000 We basically blow the doorman every time we get.
00:16:03.000 Christmas presents.
00:16:04.000 You know their name?
00:16:04.000 Yeah.
00:16:06.000 My Jamaican doorman, I basically became Jamaican for him.
00:16:06.000 Oh my God.
00:16:11.000 Hey, wagwan, man.
00:16:12.000 Wagwan, buzzer.
00:16:14.000 Me not feel why you gotta fix me, so you're the little ragged you got.
00:16:17.000 Babalan.
00:16:18.000 Hey, babalan, closer. 0.65
00:16:20.000 The system is a fraud.
00:16:22.000 I said the system.
00:16:24.000 The system.
00:16:25.000 The system is a graveyard.
00:16:28.000 You do that just when you're walking through the door, then you're like, anyway.
00:16:32.000 I was just singing Muta Baruka.
00:16:37.000 By the way, if I'm so racist, why does my doorman's face light up every time?
00:16:41.000 You don't have to do the same joke twice just because I didn't laugh.
00:16:43.000 I heard you.
00:16:44.000 I'm sorry.
00:16:47.000 So yeah, that's not a thing. 1.00
00:16:48.000 But in this episode of Law and Order, where they hate the rich, the rich are just fucking, hey, pick up my bags, bitch. 1.00
00:16:54.000 The only time I've ever heard someone in a nice building call the help slave was our room, our fellow tenant, Bella. 0.99
00:17:06.000 Bella was a severely handicapped woman who had got a settlement. 0.67
00:17:11.000 She was black from East New York and she got hit by a car, made a lot of money. 0.79
00:17:19.000 So she bought a nice apartment in our building and would waddle around the floors and abuse the black staff and call them slave. 1.00
00:17:33.000 Get my bag, slave. 0.99
00:17:36.000 Dang. 0.93
00:17:36.000 And one time she managed to pick up the phone. 0.93
00:17:39.000 We had an old-timey phone on the desk.
00:17:41.000 And smashed another black door lady. 1.00
00:17:48.000 I don't know what you call a female doorman. 1.00
00:17:50.000 And she was black in the head. 1.00
00:17:52.000 Wow. 1.00
00:17:52.000 Smacked her in the head. 1.00
00:17:53.000 You could knock her out with those phones. 1.00
00:17:55.000 It's illegal.
00:17:55.000 And everyone, all the white people and Asians in my building were petrified of doing anything about it because they might be seen as racist.
00:18:02.000 And then you know what happened to Bella?
00:18:04.000 She ran out of money.
00:18:05.000 She wasn't budgeting very well.
00:18:08.000 She would also bring home cab drivers and blow them to not pay her cab fare. 1.00
00:18:13.000 And she had a boyfriend who was like Radio Rahim.
00:18:17.000 I think I saw him once carrying a ghetto blaster like that we use on the show. 0.63
00:18:21.000 Amazing. 1.00
00:18:22.000 And he would fuck her and stuff, I guess, for money. 1.00
00:18:24.000 But like she was severely handicapped. 1.00
00:18:27.000 And she was always high and drunk.
00:18:29.000 At one point, she was smoking crack in her building.
00:18:32.000 And she went, uh-oh, I started a fire on the ground, on the carpet.
00:18:38.000 Carpet's on fire.
00:18:39.000 So yell help. 1.00
00:18:40.000 We'll get a fire extinguisher from one of the slaves at the front desk. 0.99
00:18:44.000 But you know what she does? 0.89
00:18:46.000 She takes a lighter, goes up to the sprinkler system, and just goes until it goes thunderstorm in the apartment building, floods her apartment and the neighbors.
00:18:59.000 The neighbors' parquet flooring is all buckled up.
00:19:02.000 Oh my God.
00:19:04.000 And then, so she runs out of money.
00:19:06.000 So she goes to the L-train.
00:19:07.000 This is in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
00:19:09.000 And she jumps in front of the L-train.
00:19:11.000 Wow. 0.99
00:19:12.000 But she pussies out. 1.00
00:19:13.000 She mouse pussies out and just ends up with like a sprained ankle because it was almost stopped. 1.00
00:19:20.000 And they take her to Bellevue. 0.96
00:19:22.000 And I said on the sort of chat, I go, she can't come back here, guys.
00:19:24.000 She's a danger to herself and to others. 0.99
00:19:26.000 And they go, yeah, but imagine how bad it would be for our property value if we were known as a racist building.
00:19:32.000 And I go, I said a danger to herself and to others.
00:19:36.000 So I'm not out there to roast her.
00:19:36.000 Yes.
00:19:40.000 Like, she's jumping in front of shit. 1.00
00:19:42.000 She's mental. 1.00
00:19:43.000 She has no consideration for other people's. 0.99
00:19:49.000 Wait, she has no consideration?
00:19:52.000 But that's not my point to the racist thing was we have her best interest when we say she can't come back here. 0.91
00:20:00.000 Right. 0.99
00:20:00.000 She needs to be in a mental institution. 0.99
00:20:02.000 Yeah.
00:20:03.000 It's weird, though, legally. 1.00
00:20:07.000 I mean, what do you do when a building in your apartment building, when an apartment in your building has an asshole in it? 0.99
00:20:16.000 Like, say I was stoned and I was benevolent dictator of the world. 1.00
00:20:21.000 What can you do?
00:20:21.000 It's his property.
00:20:23.000 It's her property.
00:20:24.000 She owns that apartment. 1.00
00:20:25.000 She owns the apartment. 0.66
00:20:26.000 Yeah.
00:20:30.000 Well, if you're still like the landlord, if she's still technically a tenant, you can still serve.
00:20:34.000 If she has severe damage to the property.
00:20:37.000 She's face while you say your terrible theories.
00:20:40.000 If she provided significant damage to the property or if she's breaking the law or if you got to serve her with a three-day eviction notice and then how do you evict someone when they own it?
00:20:51.000 You're thinking of a rental.
00:20:53.000 But she's still a tenant, right?
00:20:55.000 No, you're not a tenant when you own the apartment.
00:20:57.000 she owns the apartment within a building so I guess there is a Where like the person that owns a building has the co-op.
00:21:05.000 But I don't think they can kick someone out.
00:21:07.000 Because what are her crimes? 1.00
00:21:09.000 She hit the doorman lady. 1.00
00:21:11.000 That's assault.
00:21:12.000 So she assaulted someone. 1.00
00:21:13.000 She's very abusive to the staff, calls them slave. 0.83
00:21:17.000 She's weird.
00:21:19.000 She started a fire, but she could just say, I had an accident.
00:21:22.000 Why am I...
00:21:25.000 Yeah.
00:21:27.000 She's gone now.
00:21:28.000 This is from Dylan.
00:21:30.000 Hello, Gavin.
00:21:31.000 Oh, he speaks French.
00:21:34.000 I have a girlfriend currently, and I'm wondering if I should still date her.
00:21:39.000 She has a great personality, but she's not super attractive. 1.00
00:21:42.000 Like a 5.7. 1.00
00:21:44.000 I'm 16 currently, and I'm wondering whether I should go for fucking dumb hot hit chicks. 1.00
00:21:50.000 I guess he means hot chicks, in my youth. 0.99
00:21:52.000 I don't feel like I'm set for dating.
00:21:54.000 It's probably because I'm horny constantly and then I'm ogling other girls constantly.
00:21:57.000 Do people still do that with dating?
00:22:00.000 Yeah, I mean, this is tricky because I have a daughter. 1.00
00:22:03.000 So, you know, as a man with sons, I want to say just go fucking nuts, dude. 1.00
00:22:08.000 But I don't like the idea of girls getting abused by fucking these lying teenagers. 1.00
00:22:15.000 You're not, she's not the one. 1.00
00:22:16.000 At 16, she's not the one.
00:22:18.000 Yeah.
00:22:19.000 But maybe you could explain that. 1.00
00:22:20.000 Although you're never going to get any pussy if you keep telling girls, I'm just, I'm 16, bitch. 1.00
00:22:25.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:25.000 I'm here to party. 1.00
00:22:26.000 How about you just, just. 0.99
00:22:29.000 Maybe don't ask a guy with kids for fucking advice, okay? 0.99
00:22:32.000 You're 16. 1.00
00:22:33.000 Hey, check this out.
00:22:34.000 Well, co-op agreements vary wildly from building to building, but there's a probable clause that could spell out the penalties for you being a nuisance tenant, and it could possibly include evicting you.
00:22:42.000 They buy back your shares, of course.
00:22:44.000 Don't forget that in a co-op, you do not own your apartment.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, we're not in a co-op.
00:22:48.000 There's a board.
00:22:49.000 I shouldn't use the term co-op.
00:22:50.000 There was a board.
00:22:52.000 Okay.
00:22:53.000 But you could get that revoked, that entitlement.
00:22:56.000 But they'd have to pay you back and all that.
00:22:58.000 Anyway, it's complicated.
00:22:59.000 So why don't you give advice to this 16-year-old?
00:23:02.000 I hereby officially do not advocate what Ryan is about to say.
00:23:06.000 Okay.
00:23:08.000 What's it called?
00:23:09.000 Just if you don't want to be in a loyalty.
00:23:12.000 Look at what Ryan's doing. 0.99
00:23:14.000 He still wants to get pussy, so he's not giving honest advice. 0.99
00:23:18.000 He's trying to come across as a sweet guy. 1.00
00:23:19.000 No, that's not true.
00:23:20.000 Okay, forget you're ever going to get laid ever again and talk to him like you just landed here from outer space and you're going back to Mars tomorrow.
00:23:29.000 He's 16.
00:23:30.000 I mean, just do whatever you.
00:23:31.000 You'll learn your lessons, make mistakes, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:23:35.000 There is a thing, though.
00:23:36.000 I remember this in high school. 0.99
00:23:38.000 I was dating this sort of big-titted, slutty chick, and it was really bad for my brand. 1.00
00:23:44.000 And it was fucking up future fucks because I was known as the guy that took the low-hanging fruit. 1.00
00:23:49.000 So then I went out with an ugly, cool, funny chick that all the girls loved. 1.00
00:23:55.000 And then I had my pick of the litter after I had paid my dues in Uglytown.
00:23:58.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:24:00.000 And you know who else did that?
00:24:01.000 Is the guy from that band Bleachers who dated the chick who did girls, Lena Dunham?
00:24:10.000 The guy who dated Lena Dunham ate her out like this.
00:24:16.000 It was like fingering a mouse.
00:24:19.000 That was the bestiality conversation that Chenk was bringing up.
00:24:22.000 That's when bestiality is legal. 0.99
00:24:24.000 When you're fucking Lena Dunham for brownie points. 1.00
00:24:26.000 Oh, by the way, bestiality is a much, much more common thing than you think. 0.99
00:24:31.000 You might have thought it died out.
00:24:32.000 It did not.
00:24:33.000 The facts would make you sick.
00:24:34.000 Five years ago, you could do it in many countries, including Paragons of Modern Civilization.
00:24:39.000 That is a shock plate.
00:24:40.000 I hate the rest of the world.
00:24:41.000 So this does not shock me in the slightest.
00:24:44.000 But let's see.
00:24:47.000 Remember there was some girl who was having sex with her dog, and she YouTubed about it a lot? 0.98
00:24:54.000 She was like, I'm in a sexual relationship with my dog. 0.99
00:24:57.000 Jesus. 0.99
00:24:58.000 You got a problem with that?
00:25:00.000 Reed, here's your question. 1.00
00:25:01.000 Is it okay to have sex with my pet dog? 1.00
00:25:03.000 What do you mean pet dog? 1.00
00:25:04.000 As opposed to what?
00:25:06.000 Your friend dog?
00:25:09.000 See if you can find that girl that. 0.99
00:25:11.000 What if you jerked off a toad? 1.00
00:25:14.000 What if I wanted to fuck a doad? 1.00
00:25:17.000 Would I not split it in two? 1.00
00:25:19.000 And if that, if no, is that murder? 1.00
00:25:22.000 If you fuck a doad to death? 1.00
00:25:24.000 If I identify as a toad and I bang a toad, then you say that's crazy Dinesh. 1.00
00:25:28.000 They're fucking a toad. 1.00
00:25:30.000 But he's a toad, so. 1.00
00:25:32.000 Joe Wyman, Mets coach pissed off.
00:25:36.000 I think it would be awesome if you and Ryan did a top 10 sports episode where you react to sports vids like this one where the Mets coach loses it when Thor gets ejected.
00:25:44.000 I remember this.
00:25:45.000 This was just last year.
00:25:46.000 You did one similar in the past and it was great.
00:25:48.000 Love the show.
00:25:49.000 How many push-ups can you do now that you're on the juice?
00:25:54.000 I could probably do about 30.
00:25:57.000 In one game.
00:25:57.000 You know, I'm starting to figure out the juice.
00:26:00.000 You know how I told you I was getting kind of depressed?
00:26:02.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:26:03.000 I think it's because I was letting the horse drag me behind and I was just like, this sucks. 0.73
00:26:11.000 You got to get on the horse and recognize that you're a different you. 0.99
00:26:14.000 You're like Gav dipped in Gav sauce.
00:26:17.000 Although it was very easy to do that with Adderall when I tried Adderall.
00:26:23.000 It just came naturally.
00:26:24.000 Yeah, but it's dangerous because you can wind up doing things that you don't need Adderall for and then you're like, this is too much.
00:26:30.000 Oh, yeah.
00:26:31.000 I know guys, I tried it for a while.
00:26:35.000 In fact, I built my ad agency on Adderall.
00:26:38.000 We built this ad agency on Adderall.
00:26:42.000 But it is a wild ride.
00:26:43.000 And these guys that can just do it like 60 milligrams a day, these young people.
00:26:51.000 I've sat right here doing the job that I normally do with ad Adderall on Adderall.
00:26:55.000 And it's painful.
00:26:57.000 Because you're like, I want to do this while also blowing a horse or whatever.
00:27:01.000 Like, you have too much energy to do other things.
00:27:06.000 Okay, show the clip.
00:27:08.000 Okay, clip coming.
00:27:14.000 Why was he ejected again?
00:27:17.000 I'll read the description.
00:27:19.000 He hit the batter?
00:27:22.000 That's what I never understood about baseball.
00:27:24.000 Is 100% of the times they hit the batter on purpose?
00:27:27.000 I'm always told it is because they're that accurate, but sometimes it doesn't look like that, and sometimes there's absolutely no reason for it.
00:27:34.000 What does it say?
00:27:35.000 Noah Syndegaard threw a pitch behind the Dodgers Chase Utley during a 2016 game and was immediately ejected.
00:27:40.000 Umpire crew chief Tom Haleon takes a verbal lashing from then Mets manager Terry Collins over the decision to eject in the gas.
00:27:47.000 Little Terry Collins.
00:27:48.000 Little Terry Collins action.
00:27:49.000 Yeah, we should, but to this viewer's point, let's definitely have a sports episode.
00:27:54.000 Not in that situation, man.
00:27:56.000 You can't give it up.
00:27:57.000 It'll have to be all Mets because it's on the bottom.
00:27:58.000 That's not going to happen.
00:27:59.000 I mean, I knew you were going to say that, but that ain't going to happen.
00:28:03.000 I mean, that's the wrong time to do it.
00:28:04.000 That's all.
00:28:05.000 I'm conducting it.
00:28:08.000 It is what it is, but that ain't going to happen.
00:28:12.000 You know what I just realized?
00:28:13.000 That T-Mobile banner, that is imposed via technology.
00:28:13.000 What?
00:28:18.000 What are you talking about?
00:28:19.000 Like, look at the moves.
00:28:21.000 Not ain't going to happen.
00:28:22.000 I mean, I thought I knew you were going to say that, but that ain't going to happen.
00:28:24.000 They do that with, you know, football, too.
00:28:26.000 Like, when the, on the, they had a game in the snow, and they had to put, you know, computerized marks on the gridiron.
00:28:34.000 Yeah, we're familiar with that.
00:28:35.000 I didn't know those were.
00:28:36.000 It's cool that this is important, right?
00:28:41.000 It is what it is, but that ain't going to happen.
00:28:44.000 Marks is an attack.
00:28:46.000 We don't do something there.
00:28:47.000 I'm just telling you that.
00:28:51.000 Okay, the situation of what happened and everything else.
00:28:54.000 That's what dictates that, okay?
00:28:56.000 But there was no prior notice that before the game started.
00:28:58.000 I mean, if Harry comes into the gun and says, hey, if somebody gets hit, then that's...
00:29:03.000 Everybody knows.
00:29:04.000 Everybody knows the situation.
00:29:10.000 I love Terry.
00:29:10.000 Terry.
00:29:13.000 Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry.
00:29:15.000 Terry, Terry.
00:29:16.000 Terry.
00:29:18.000 Terry.
00:29:21.000 Can I just say something?
00:29:23.000 I don't like that coaches wear or managers wear the uniform.
00:29:29.000 Yeah. 0.90
00:29:29.000 It looks silly. 0.90
00:29:30.000 You should have a suit on.
00:29:32.000 Yeah.
00:29:33.000 What are you all dressed up for, Terry?
00:29:34.000 You're not on the team.
00:29:35.000 It looks like you're the most out-of-shape person on the team.
00:29:38.000 And why should we respect you more?
00:29:39.000 We have a geriatric on our team.
00:29:41.000 He's usually in the dugout.
00:29:42.000 We don't really call him up much.
00:29:45.000 Teriatric.
00:29:50.000 You gotta give us a shot.
00:29:51.000 You know what?
00:29:52.000 You gotta give us your shot.
00:29:53.000 Listen to me.
00:29:54.000 Let me hear what I'm saying, okay?
00:29:55.000 You get your shot.
00:29:56.000 You had your shot right there in the situation.
00:29:58.000 Why don't you know the situation?
00:30:00.000 Why don't we get a shot done? 0.55
00:30:02.000 Because that makes it worse. 0.99
00:30:04.000 Terry, that makes it fucking worse. 0.99
00:30:10.000 I can't control that, Terry. 0.99
00:30:11.000 I can't control that.
00:30:12.000 Are they mic'd or is there a mic?
00:30:14.000 Of course they're mic'd.
00:30:15.000 What do you think?
00:30:16.000 We've invented mic droids, little tiny flies that fly into things, record them, and then fly back?
00:30:23.000 No.
00:30:23.000 Well, I thought they would.
00:30:24.000 Because in football, they have a whole net above them where a camera can move around.
00:30:28.000 Yeah, a camera, not a microphone.
00:30:30.000 You move the camera there, and I got the microphone.
00:30:32.000 As well as I do where I stand. 0.99
00:30:33.000 Terry, you know where I stand on the whole fucking situation. 1.00
00:30:36.000 God damn it, but you're better than that, Tommy. 1.00
00:30:40.000 Our ass is in the jackpot now. 1.00
00:30:42.000 Okay? 1.00
00:30:43.000 Okay, that's, I'm just telling you. 1.00
00:30:44.000 Fucking motherfucker. 1.00
00:30:46.000 You know what? 1.00
00:30:47.000 You got it.
00:30:51.000 Kind of lame revenge.
00:30:52.000 I guess Cindergaard wasn't trying to throw it behind him.
00:30:55.000 He was trying to hit him.
00:30:57.000 Hmm.
00:30:59.000 Right?
00:30:59.000 I guess.
00:31:00.000 I mean, he was revenge.
00:31:01.000 He was capitalist.
00:31:02.000 I wonder if my son is home.
00:31:06.000 I can call him.
00:31:07.000 Shush.
00:31:25.000 Okay.
00:31:35.000 I thought he would he You would know what that was all about.
00:31:43.000 Get on school.
00:31:50.000 All right.
00:31:52.000 That was fun.
00:31:53.000 Fun stuff.
00:31:54.000 We'll get the story behind that, I hope, soon.
00:31:54.000 Fun stuff.
00:31:58.000 No chance.
00:31:59.000 This guy's name is No Chance.
00:32:01.000 More proof women shouldn't be cops. 1.00
00:32:04.000 It's 11 minutes, but the good hit is the last 60 seconds.
00:32:08.000 I actually have a couple of these I've been saving.
00:32:11.000 So let's watch that.
00:32:13.000 Did you got it?
00:32:15.000 It's 11 mins.
00:32:17.000 I'll find my copy.
00:32:18.000 The last 60 seconds.
00:32:23.000 Oh yeah, this one.
00:32:25.000 This is a classic.
00:32:28.000 You like sounds?
00:32:30.000 So we got this job.
00:32:32.000 Come on.
00:32:33.000 Wait, go to the beginning.
00:32:33.000 Let's go.
00:32:34.000 Go to the very beginning.
00:32:35.000 That's interesting.
00:32:36.000 So this guy shoplifted some DVDs. 1.00
00:32:40.000 And now everyone has to die because women don't know what the fuck they're doing. 1.00
00:32:45.000 Were you at the Sphinx this morning? 1.00
00:32:48.000 Maybe.
00:32:49.000 Okay.
00:32:49.000 Yeah?
00:32:50.000 So what's going to happen next?
00:32:51.000 I'm going to read you Miranda, your Miranda rights.
00:32:54.000 Alright?
00:32:55.000 Because I have a suspicion that you stole from them this morning.
00:32:58.000 Okay?
00:33:02.000 But I'm asking some questions.
00:33:04.000 I'll be five feet tall and chubby.
00:33:06.000 She's like, remain silent.
00:33:08.000 Anything you say, cannon will be used against you in a court of law.
00:33:11.000 Hey, where are you going?
00:33:12.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:33:13.000 I don't even know who Miranda is.
00:33:16.000 Hey.
00:33:17.000 Okay, pause.
00:33:18.000 Listen.
00:33:19.000 You know what you do now as a cop?
00:33:21.000 You step out of the house.
00:33:23.000 You call back up and you go, we got a kind of an annoying thing here.
00:33:28.000 Some guy stole a DVD.
00:33:29.000 Seems inebriated.
00:33:30.000 He just went back into his house.
00:33:31.000 Right.
00:33:32.000 That's what you do.
00:33:33.000 It's a DVD.
00:33:34.000 I'll pay for it.
00:33:37.000 Everything about that felt wrong.
00:33:38.000 You guys, obviously not of right man.
00:33:40.000 If you read Miranda writes to someone and they walk away, you're not a normal person.
00:33:44.000 So we're not dealing with a normal person.
00:33:46.000 I know they're going to make fun of you at the precinct for calling for backup for a DVD thief.
00:33:52.000 That's better than what's about to happen.
00:33:57.000 Please don't do that.
00:33:58.000 You don't walk away from me.
00:34:01.000 This is nothing sexual.
00:34:02.000 Do not leave me again.
00:34:03.000 Do you understand?
00:34:04.000 Don't grab me.
00:34:05.000 Do not run away from me.
00:34:06.000 Do not grab me.
00:34:07.000 You may arrest you right here and right now.
00:34:09.000 He gives me a max hair like his face.
00:34:11.000 Do not grab me.
00:34:11.000 Okay.
00:34:13.000 Do not walk away from me or I will put hands on you.
00:34:15.000 I will respect you and I will talk to you.
00:34:18.000 Okay, don't walk away from me. 0.99
00:34:19.000 Don't fucking grab me. 0.99
00:34:21.000 That I can't guarantee. 1.00
00:34:23.000 Don't fuck. 1.00
00:34:24.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 1.00
00:34:25.000 Don't you talk to her like that? 1.00
00:34:26.000 I will talk to her.
00:34:27.000 His mother's there.
00:34:29.000 This is an oldie but a goodie.
00:34:31.000 I'm here to read you.
00:34:32.000 Do not grab me like that.
00:34:34.000 Listen, if you walk away from me, I have to lay hands on you.
00:34:39.000 Do not walk away from me. 1.00
00:34:41.000 I don't give a fuck where you are right now. 1.00
00:34:42.000 You've tried drywall so hard. 0.99
00:34:45.000 I don't give a fuck where your right is. 0.99
00:34:48.000 Do you understand? 1.00
00:34:49.000 I don't give a fuck where your right is. 0.98
00:34:52.000 Greenwood Dove's 23, I need 1041. 0.99
00:34:54.000 Do you know how shitty that would look like if you and I made it?
00:34:57.000 Sitting there cutting those pieces with the drywall tape? 0.98
00:35:00.000 But don't walk away from me.
00:35:02.000 I want to try it.
00:35:06.000 Now he's coming at his mother.
00:35:07.000 Walk out of the house at this point.
00:35:10.000 What are you going to do?
00:35:13.000 And by the way, her reluctance to call the precinct and call for backup is another reason women shouldn't be cops. 1.00
00:35:20.000 Okay, now you can start skipping.
00:35:21.000 I'm bringing you Miranda. 1.00
00:35:22.000 Are you ready?
00:35:23.000 I've seen this a hundred times.
00:35:26.000 Why would she do that? 1.00
00:35:28.000 Because it's the law, Sean.
00:35:30.000 Welcome to the law.
00:35:34.000 Doesn't make you feel good.
00:35:37.000 Doesn't make you feel good.
00:35:42.000 I like when people try to get in cops' heads.
00:35:44.000 If you feel powerful.
00:35:45.000 Like the cop's going to go.
00:35:46.000 Stop it! 0.99
00:35:48.000 Oh! 0.60
00:35:50.000 You're not my father!
00:35:52.000 No, it's not.
00:35:53.000 I'll be a powerful, dude.
00:35:54.000 Hi.
00:35:55.000 I'm Mega Man from X-Men.
00:35:58.000 I'm the guy in the wheelchair from X-Men.
00:36:00.000 And as soon as the rest of them come in, you're going in handcuffs and you're going to jail.
00:36:04.000 Who cares?
00:36:06.000 She might have called back up.
00:36:08.000 I'll wait as well.
00:36:09.000 I'm waiting outside.
00:36:10.000 They're coming.
00:36:14.000 Although, you word he's going back inside to get a gun.
00:36:17.000 Right, right.
00:36:19.000 Okay, keep skipping forward. 1.00
00:36:21.000 So at one point, the mom gets on top of him and starts fucking him. 0.99
00:36:25.000 The mom gets on top of him and uses her body to shield him. 1.00
00:36:29.000 I'm placing you under arrest.
00:36:31.000 Listen to me.
00:36:33.000 Are you going to be beaten?
00:36:34.000 Look, or you can do this.
00:36:36.000 At one point, he says, I'm stronger than you.
00:36:38.000 I'm asking you to put your hands behind your back.
00:36:41.000 I'm asking you to do this knife.
00:36:43.000 I'm asking you to do duty as knives.
00:36:48.000 I'm asking you to let me do this knife.
00:36:52.000 Let go of me.
00:36:54.000 I am stronger than you.
00:36:56.000 Let go of me. 1.00
00:36:57.000 I can do whatever I fucking want. 0.99
00:36:59.000 Let go of me. 1.00
00:37:01.000 Stop.
00:37:03.000 God in heaven.
00:37:04.000 Stop.
00:37:05.000 God in heaven.
00:37:08.000 Am I so cruel and heartless that I enjoy watching this?
00:37:12.000 Why do I feel so calm?
00:37:14.000 I feel like I'm looking through the fireplace right now.
00:37:17.000 I don't know.
00:37:18.000 I've already seen it a million times.
00:37:19.000 I know nobody dies.
00:37:21.000 Put your hands down.
00:37:22.000 I guess I'm kinda messed up too, I mean this is...
00:37:26.000 Back up!
00:37:27.000 Look, she's delirious. 1.00
00:37:31.000 Back up!
00:37:34.000 No!
00:37:35.000 You know what?
00:37:40.000 Did she accidentally fire right there? 0.98
00:37:42.000 Shots fired! 1.00
00:37:50.000 You fucking hurt my mother! 1.00
00:37:52.000 You fucking hurt my mother! 1.00
00:37:56.000 I thought that was your wife. 1.00
00:37:58.000 Just kidding.
00:38:00.000 Look at it, listen to her freaking out. 1.00
00:38:04.000 Now, this psycho is going to grab your gun and shoot you for a DVD. 1.00
00:38:10.000 just holding the woman's leg just doesn't know what to do i mean i'm sure nobody would know what to do in that moment There we go. 1.00
00:38:21.000 That's how it works.
00:38:22.000 He kicks his shoe off.
00:38:25.000 He kicks his shoe off, and that doesn't knock him out.
00:38:28.000 Tie your shoes.
00:38:29.000 Dude, you need to get into boxing.
00:38:31.000 You have an iron jaw.
00:38:33.000 If that beast kicking you in the head doesn't knock you out, look at that.
00:38:37.000 Not only did it not knock him out, it didn't phase him.
00:38:42.000 What do you think he gets for that?
00:38:43.000 Just resisting arrest, right?
00:38:44.000 And then whatever the hell is going on.
00:38:45.000 The cops are treated so badly that, yeah, they will say, well, that's the profession you chose.
00:38:50.000 So him beating you up and all that is irrelevant.
00:38:52.000 I've told you, cops have showed me bite marks on their hands where no one was prosecuted.
00:38:56.000 The only time anyone gets in trouble for hurting cop is when they spit in a cop's face.
00:39:00.000 Wow.
00:39:01.000 Where's the cop? 1.00
00:39:02.000 You can kick a cop's ass. 1.00
00:39:04.000 You can eat a pig's ass if they cook it right. 1.00
00:39:07.000 Ripox, get it, pig? 1.00
00:39:10.000 That was a Chris Rock quote. 0.88
00:39:12.000 When I had dinner with the Black Crows, with Joe Strummer from The Clash, this is in my book.
00:39:19.000 The guy, the singer of the Black Crows, got more and more black the drunker he got. 0.99
00:39:23.000 Until towards the end of the night, he was like, I'll eat a pig's ass if they cook it right. 0.99
00:39:28.000 And I go, that's Chris Rock verbatim. 1.00
00:39:30.000 Fucking piece of shit. 1.00
00:39:32.000 And then his girlfriend said, Chris gets progressively more eclisticated. 1.00
00:39:37.000 I got his hands.
00:39:38.000 Gets progressively more.
00:39:39.000 Listen, listen.
00:39:40.000 Okay.
00:39:41.000 Yes, sir.
00:39:43.000 You're all right, he says to her.
00:39:44.000 So not only does he have to handle this perp, which he just did very well, he has to console her and tell her she's all right.
00:39:51.000 It's all right.
00:39:53.000 It's all right.
00:39:54.000 That reminds me, we got two other Chiki Puyaya shows.
00:40:00.000 Ichiku Pak!
00:40:03.000 Ichikupak? 0.54
00:40:05.000 Ichiku Park.
00:40:07.000 I was listening to the small faces the other day, and it's amazing how much of the who you can hear in them.
00:40:17.000 Like all those songs.
00:40:18.000 Itchy Kupak isn't a good example.
00:40:35.000 Choose another Small Faces song.
00:40:38.000 Or what about the greatest hits full album?
00:40:40.000 Yeah.
00:40:52.000 Anyway, skip ahead more.
00:40:58.000 Bye.
00:40:59.000 I'm a boy, I'll shake, I'll tell you a little bit, I eat that.
00:41:03.000 I'm hearing it.
00:41:08.000 That's very who.
00:41:13.000 But you can hear where Keith Moon got his drum fills from, or maybe it was vice versa.
00:41:17.000 But I highly recommend putting the small faces on your Spotify and checking them out because they're heavily slept on.
00:41:25.000 All right, Ryan, speaking of female cops, look at yesterday's notes. 1.00
00:41:30.000 We got Female Cop Shoots Mom. 1.00
00:41:32.000 Right?
00:41:33.000 That's the video we just saw.
00:41:35.000 Yep.
00:41:36.000 And then there was Female Cops Get Beat Up. 1.00
00:41:42.000 This is from Sweden.
00:41:45.000 Sweden.
00:41:45.000 Sweden.
00:41:46.000 That's what I do for coffee. 0.70
00:41:49.000 This is what it was like when I lived in Taiwan.
00:41:50.000 I was just a criminal.
00:41:52.000 If I wanted a bike, I'd just get on it and steal it.
00:41:54.000 You know what people told me there?
00:41:55.000 They would get scooters, mopeds, with no paperwork, no insurance, nothing.
00:42:00.000 And when the cops pulled them over, they'd go, you don't speak English?
00:42:03.000 And the cop would go, uh, what? 1.00
00:42:08.000 Speak English, motherfucker. 1.00
00:42:10.000 And the guy would go, oh, and he'd go, Jesus Christ, you're pathetic. 1.00
00:42:16.000 And then the guy would be so ashamed, the cop, that he would just look down and the guy would just go, fucking vruvu. 1.00
00:42:24.000 Just verbally abuse cops. 0.99
00:42:27.000 Steal whatever you want.
00:42:29.000 I would see like a cool anti-drug propaganda banner hanging off a highway that had like a skull and crossbone and a syringe and then Chinese. 0.95
00:42:37.000 It was beautifully embroidered.
00:42:38.000 I just grabbed my knife, rolled that up.
00:42:40.000 That's mine. 1.00
00:42:42.000 You should have seen all the Chinese shit I brought back. 1.00
00:42:45.000 And then a bike. 1.00
00:42:46.000 I would just have whatever bike I wanted.
00:42:48.000 And then when I was done, I just throw it away.
00:42:50.000 You had like city bike, basically.
00:42:52.000 Before the whole city.
00:42:53.000 It was Gabby bike. 1.00
00:42:56.000 And I got to fuck any white woman I wanted. 1.00
00:42:59.000 Because all the Asians weren't interested in me because I'm hairy. 1.00
00:43:02.000 But all the white guys were with Asians. 0.91
00:43:04.000 So there's all this pickings.
00:43:06.000 All right. 1.00
00:43:11.000 Alright, so he's a jerk. 1.00
00:43:14.000 That's an inside joke. 1.00
00:43:15.000 That's on my youngest talks.
00:43:18.000 Smashing up windows. 0.99
00:43:22.000 He's a drunk, violent guy. 0.95
00:43:23.000 I don't get like this when I'm drunk. 0.96
00:43:25.000 I don't want to smash strangers' windows.
00:43:28.000 You've been bombed and you're still funny.
00:43:31.000 Who, me?
00:43:33.000 Yeah.
00:43:35.000 Like, you'll piss somewhere?
00:43:37.000 That's about as bad as you'll do.
00:43:39.000 Yeah.
00:43:41.000 Jesus, dude. 0.99
00:43:42.000 Look, bad fucking idea. 0.99
00:43:44.000 A local Good Samaritan spins him around, takes him down. 0.99
00:43:48.000 All right, you guys got it from here?
00:43:49.000 You ladies got it from here?
00:43:50.000 Yes, slavin'to kusen, tashen's wad, so bortzy bortzy gancy.
00:43:56.000 So then he goes, okay, bye.
00:43:57.000 Thanks.
00:43:58.000 And the female cop holds it. 0.71
00:44:00.000 Trust me, we got it from here.
00:44:02.000 You better get out of here.
00:44:02.000 This is a criminal.
00:44:03.000 We're trained for this.
00:44:05.000 Okay, and then he just.
00:44:06.000 These are all women cops? 1.00
00:44:07.000 Hulk mad. 0.99
00:44:10.000 These are all female cops, huh? 1.00
00:44:11.000 Yeah, I see all the hair now.
00:44:11.000 Oh, wow.
00:44:13.000 Look at.
00:44:14.000 Hulk get mad.
00:44:15.000 Are you sure that you don't want to be famous?
00:44:18.000 Three chicks. 1.00
00:44:19.000 Damn. 1.00
00:44:21.000 And when I'm watching this, I just thought, huh, I never knew that. 1.00
00:44:24.000 I can beat up three chicks. 1.00
00:44:26.000 Oh, we forgot to introduce the Ryan Shut Up thing for today.
00:44:30.000 Oh, the mailbag?
00:44:30.000 Yeah.
00:44:31.000 Yeah, poop.
00:44:32.000 Ah, poop. 0.99
00:44:33.000 Look at this.
00:44:34.000 I'll handle it.
00:44:35.000 Hey, it's like a Benny Hill sketch.
00:44:38.000 I'll put him in a headloaken.
00:44:41.000 Are you sure we didn't?
00:44:43.000 No.
00:44:44.000 Look at him.
00:44:45.000 I kind of think we did.
00:44:46.000 He's just pegging him off.
00:44:50.000 You.
00:44:52.000 How about you?
00:44:57.000 Wait, hold on a second.
00:44:58.000 Did the guy that helped knock the other guy down, now he's fighting the cop?
00:45:01.000 He left?
00:45:02.000 No, he left.
00:45:02.000 Oh.
00:45:03.000 Because they said, sir, we have this under control.
00:45:05.000 We're not chicks. 0.85
00:45:05.000 Clearly. 0.85
00:45:09.000 Oh, no.
00:45:10.000 He dropped her little baton.
00:45:12.000 She dropped her stick.
00:45:16.000 Pick up a bush.
00:45:17.000 Look at that.
00:45:17.000 He picks up a rock and they all begin running.
00:45:19.000 You know what Dinesh would do? 1.00
00:45:20.000 I'd pick up a fucking toad. 1.00
00:45:22.000 I would turn into a toad and hide under the car. 1.00
00:45:25.000 Look, they're keeping their distance in that equal.
00:45:28.000 What are you scared of a rock for?
00:45:31.000 Because it's a crazy country over there.
00:45:32.000 But if someone had a rock and they were near me, I don't...
00:45:42.000 I mean, it's really hard.
00:45:42.000 Yeah.
00:45:43.000 You'd have to be really staying there to go, boing. 0.90
00:45:45.000 I don't fear a rock.
00:45:47.000 I'm just going to come at you. 0.95
00:45:48.000 This guy can get away from getting arrested and stop confronting the police.
00:45:48.000 What are you going to do?
00:45:53.000 Look, he's bored of beating them up.
00:45:54.000 Yeah.
00:45:55.000 He really is like, what next?
00:45:56.000 He's kind of tired, but not really.
00:45:58.000 Looks like Grand Theft Auto when you're putting in a cheat code.
00:46:02.000 Look.
00:46:03.000 And he's like tactically taking apart the headlights or fixing his shoe. 1.00
00:46:09.000 Anyway, fuck you. 1.00
00:46:11.000 I gotta go home. 1.00
00:46:12.000 Yeah, this sucks. 0.97
00:46:13.000 I need a beer. 0.98
00:46:15.000 Does anyone have a cigarette?
00:46:16.000 Look how chilly.
00:46:18.000 He's just flopping back.
00:46:20.000 And they're still scared.
00:46:22.000 Yeah, they've not pursued him.
00:46:24.000 They've stopped him.
00:46:25.000 You should hire female cops. 1.00
00:46:27.000 And you should hire about 17 for every male cop because that's what you're going to need.
00:46:31.000 Sir, can you turn around but don't engage us?
00:46:34.000 Look at her with their big long hair. 1.00
00:46:36.000 Female cops should travel in greyhound buses to handle situations. 1.00
00:46:42.000 No problem, ma'am.
00:46:43.000 We're sending 37 women over there. 0.98
00:46:45.000 They're just going to sort of mob him to death like he's in the Beatles.
00:46:48.000 We're in no rush.
00:46:49.000 We're going to let him get to his apartment where he could have weapons, and we'll just be... 0.99
00:46:54.000 It's a fucking joke. 0.99
00:46:57.000 Does he come out again? 1.00
00:46:59.000 Yeah, he's still standing there over there.
00:47:01.000 He goes in, has a beer and a cigarette, then comes out to beat them up again.
00:47:06.000 You again?
00:47:10.000 Why is the guy filming as if he's hiding?
00:47:14.000 You don't have to be surreptitious, sir.
00:47:16.000 You're in a window.
00:47:17.000 Nobody's looking at you.
00:47:18.000 They're looking at the action.
00:47:21.000 Alright, we get the idea.
00:47:23.000 Let's wrap it up soon.
00:47:26.000 We got a party.
00:47:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:47:29.000 We got partying to do, dog.
00:47:31.000 True, dad.
00:47:33.000 So true dad.
00:47:36.000 So true, dad.
00:47:39.000 Yeah.
00:47:40.000 Justin Trudat.
00:47:43.000 Justin Trudat.
00:47:46.000 That's a good name for him.
00:47:52.000 I forgot to trim that.
00:47:53.000 Thanks for showing us your dirty desktop. 0.74
00:47:55.000 It's just a regular desktop. 1.00
00:47:56.000 With all your kiddie porn all over it. 0.98
00:47:58.000 There's no kiddie porn. 0.98
00:48:01.000 All right, this is a apology accepted.
00:48:06.000 They sent this to the tech support. 0.99
00:48:09.000 I don't know if you know how to find this shit. 0.99
00:48:12.000 But it's from Free Speech. 0.99
00:48:14.000 Oh, this is back when we were called Free Speech.
00:48:16.000 TV support.
00:48:18.000 And it's from Anonymous.
00:48:22.000 And the support request is Apology Accepted.
00:48:25.000 Gavin, I've started using Apology Accepted as I hang up the phone.
00:48:30.000 I was so close to saying white power at the gym today. 0.98
00:48:33.000 It was like half black, but I knew every single person in the gym, so there was no risk of misinterpretation.
00:48:39.000 It's like, Sitter, boys, like, Seder, Gav. 0.70
00:48:41.000 And I just, I was so close to me.
00:48:43.000 All right, guys, white power. 0.69
00:48:45.000 Or I love you.
00:48:46.000 Or I love you.
00:48:47.000 You can get away with that one, but it's least fun. 0.99
00:48:49.000 Actually, there's this guy, Tommy Hydroman, Italian guy, so not anti-gay, but just like, don't fucking, like, even, I heard his sister's hot. 0.99
00:48:58.000 And I go, dude, your sister's, Gavin, you gotta fucking stop with that. 0.99
00:49:01.000 Come on. 0.99
00:49:02.000 Like, Mr. Rules.
00:49:03.000 Whenever he goes to the changing room, he locks the door.
00:49:06.000 So no one else can be in when he's in.
00:49:08.000 That guy likes butt play. 1.00
00:49:09.000 Like, Tommy, like, say you see a dick. 1.00
00:49:12.000 No, not, not the big Tommy, a different Tommy. 0.99
00:49:15.000 Hydroman, I call him, because he sweats so much. 1.00
00:49:17.000 But I'm like, say you see a dick. 1.00
00:49:18.000 You're in the changing room. 1.00
00:49:19.000 There's a dick right there. 1.00
00:49:20.000 There was a gay boxer there who he wears underwear with just a thong with these support things. 1.00
00:49:28.000 So I see his butt cheeks. 0.98
00:49:29.000 I'm not bananas about that, but I live. 0.98
00:49:31.000 And I'm like, it's like a fat person seeing you eat a cheeseburger.
00:49:35.000 He's not going to grab it. 1.00
00:49:36.000 The gayest guy in the world. 1.00
00:49:37.000 He's not going to lunge at it and start going, wah, wah, wah. 0.96
00:49:39.000 So what do you care? 1.00
00:49:41.000 It's like, yeah, you're crazy. 1.00
00:49:43.000 You won't even answer me.
00:49:46.000 But what I did with him today was I was changing, and sometimes I don't even use the changing room if there's no kids or women around.
00:49:52.000 So I just change by the ring.
00:49:55.000 And I take off my shorts, and I'm there.
00:49:57.000 I just have my underwear on.
00:49:59.000 And I come over to him, and I just start hitting the heavy bag that he's on.
00:50:02.000 And I go, I pretend that I don't notice that I'm just wearing underwear and nothing else.
00:50:06.000 And I go, you want to use, sometimes it's good to use bare fists on the bag, toughen up that skin there, you know, remind yourself what it's like without gloves. 1.00
00:50:13.000 He's like, Gavin, you're fucking crazy, man. 1.00
00:50:15.000 You're crazy. 1.00
00:50:16.000 Runs away. 1.00
00:50:18.000 Because of my underwear. 1.00
00:50:19.000 Like my penis is going to jump out and bite his face. 1.00
00:50:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:50:23.000 Like a little mouse pussy. 1.00
00:50:24.000 Some normies don't know how to... 0.99
00:50:28.000 He's not a normie, but you've been around comedians and people who consider themselves funny.
00:50:32.000 So, you know, the bar is set high.
00:50:36.000 I've started using Apology Accepted as I hang up the phone.
00:50:38.000 People are so confused and typically go, yeah, wait, wait, what?
00:50:41.000 Here are some other fun ones.
00:50:41.000 Click?
00:50:43.000 All right.
00:50:44.000 Here, I'll get my phone out for these.
00:50:46.000 Cool.
00:50:46.000 Okay, man.
00:50:47.000 All right.
00:50:47.000 See you later.
00:50:48.000 All right.
00:50:49.000 No, wait, wait.
00:50:50.000 Okay, man.
00:50:51.000 All right.
00:50:51.000 Cool.
00:50:51.000 Catch you.
00:50:52.000 Let's hope it's not cancer.
00:50:54.000 That's okay.
00:50:56.000 Cool.
00:50:56.000 All right, man.
00:50:57.000 All right.
00:50:58.000 Catch you.
00:50:58.000 See you at the funeral.
00:51:00.000 Yeah, that's a good one.
00:51:02.000 You know what David Sederis does to his sister Amy?
00:51:06.000 No, what Amy Sedaris did to David Sederis.
00:51:08.000 Just as he's getting off the bus and the door is open, she goes, good luck on the rape charge. 1.00
00:51:14.000 That's terrible.
00:51:16.000 All right, let me try another one.
00:51:17.000 I'll pretend I'm on the phone with you.
00:51:19.000 Okay.
00:51:19.000 All right, cool.
00:51:20.000 All right.
00:51:21.000 Wish me luck.
00:51:21.000 Okay.
00:51:23.000 That's pretty good.
00:51:25.000 Okay, cool.
00:51:26.000 All right.
00:51:27.000 I'll let you know the test results.
00:51:29.000 Yeah, that's good.
00:51:32.000 Or, and this one.
00:51:33.000 All right, cool. 1.00
00:51:34.000 Bitch, are you for real? 1.00
00:51:38.000 That's good. 1.00
00:51:39.000 Also, you should have your brother on the show.
00:51:40.000 I think it would be interesting to hear his perspective of growing up in that household.
00:51:43.000 Lastly, thanks again.
00:51:44.000 Everything for guys you do.
00:51:45.000 The show is funny, topical, and has just a round of political takes.
00:51:48.000 Yeah, great idea, dude.
00:51:49.000 I can't do that because they start harassing my brother, and then they harass his work, and they fuck with his career and get him fired.
00:51:57.000 How long have we been going for it? 0.96
00:52:00.000 We got to party.
00:52:00.000 It doesn't matter how long we've been going for.
00:52:02.000 Yeah.
00:52:03.000 It's overtime.
00:52:05.000 Get fired.
00:52:06.000 Get in trouble.
00:52:08.000 Be brave.
00:52:09.000 And never stop fighting.
00:52:10.000 And by-wait a minute.
00:52:11.000 Wait a minute.
00:52:11.000 Wait a minute.
00:52:12.000 Before we go, partying tips tonight.
00:52:15.000 Do not do shots. 1.00
00:52:16.000 Shots are stupid. 1.00
00:52:19.000 You're going to fast forward your night and get two wasted stick to beer. 1.00
00:52:23.000 But Gavin, it's New Year's Eve.
00:52:24.000 I want to party.
00:52:26.000 Fine.
00:52:26.000 All right.
00:52:29.000 You have to earn your maker's mark.
00:52:33.000 You may not do two makers in a row.
00:52:35.000 If you really want a maker's mark, you have to drink two beers to earn the right to have a maker's mark.
00:52:42.000 And that doesn't mean maker's mark now for the rest of the night.
00:52:44.000 So Budweiser, Budweiser, Maker's mark.
00:52:48.000 Now you're down to zero.
00:52:49.000 Your bank account is at zero.
00:52:51.000 You have to go back.
00:52:52.000 Budweiser, Budweiser, makers.
00:52:53.000 Budweiser, Budweiser, makers.
00:52:56.000 Because the makers takes a while to get through your system.
00:52:59.000 You don't realize how wasted you are.
00:53:01.000 Always happens.
00:53:02.000 Also, pay attention to your significant other.
00:53:04.000 If she goes, slow it down.
00:53:06.000 Then she's an expert.
00:53:07.000 She knows you.
00:53:08.000 Same ladies, if your husband or your boyfriend says that to you, he's right. 1.00
00:53:12.000 We know each other.
00:53:14.000 And if any of your buddies repeat something you said with a slur, that means you're slurring and he's making fun of you.
00:53:21.000 So you also need to dial it down.
00:53:23.000 Ladies, please don't go home alone. 1.00
00:53:28.000 What?
00:53:30.000 But that doesn't mean go home with somebody.
00:53:32.000 No, it means make sure there's an uber.
00:53:34.000 There was just two girls, drunk chicks, who died in the subway tracks being wasted. 1.00
00:53:39.000 And men, be chivalrous.
00:53:41.000 When you see a woman leaving a party or leaving a bar tonight, say, whoa, whoa, what's going on? 0.99
00:53:45.000 I know you might come across as a creep, big fucking deal. 0.98
00:53:48.000 And you say, where are you going? 0.99
00:53:50.000 How are you getting back?
00:53:52.000 What's going on?
00:53:53.000 Make sure she gets into an Uber. 0.96
00:53:56.000 Maybe a taxi we can handle if it's going door to door.
00:53:58.000 Sure.
00:54:00.000 But we need to make sure she's not walking home anywhere.
00:54:03.000 She's not taking public transit.
00:54:05.000 This is what happens to wasted chicks when they take the subway home. 1.00
00:54:11.000 Do not do it.
00:54:12.000 Please.
00:54:14.000 Naked Disney Guard among 124 charged in prostitution.
00:54:19.000 PGA golfer also.
00:54:21.000 Oh, interesting.
00:54:22.000 Also, regulate your bumps.
00:54:24.000 Remember the downer thing?
00:54:27.000 Yeah.
00:54:28.000 I made a whole episode on that.
00:54:29.000 Yeah, I should have made this the episode on that.
00:54:32.000 How to party.
00:54:33.000 Downer.
00:54:33.000 It's an acronym.
00:54:35.000 Don't.
00:54:36.000 Maybe I can find it.
00:54:37.000 See if you can find it online.
00:54:38.000 You may have to put periods in between each letter.
00:54:40.000 I remember I was trying to find that one.
00:54:42.000 Don't cock block. 0.91
00:54:44.000 This is how, I'm going to tell you the secret to partying.
00:54:46.000 It's called downer.
00:54:48.000 D-O-W-N-E-R. 1.00
00:54:49.000 Ready?
00:54:50.000 Number one, D. Don't cock block. 1.00
00:54:52.000 When you're working on a chick, your two speedboats, if this speedboat seems to be making more headway, don't fucking start ramming it. 1.00
00:55:03.000 Just go, meow. 0.98
00:55:08.000 That's what real men do.
00:55:10.000 Oh, only 13 hours.
00:55:14.000 If you start at 2 p.m. and it's 2 a.m., it's time to go.
00:55:17.000 Or sorry, 3 a.m.
00:55:19.000 I feel like I should come down on that.
00:55:21.000 That still seems like a lot.
00:55:23.000 But I remember at South by Southwest, sometimes we'd start doing, you know, Bloody Marys at breakfast at 11 a.m.
00:55:29.000 That means midnight.
00:55:30.000 You got to go home.
00:55:31.000 Nothing good happens after 13 hours.
00:55:34.000 So that's O, only 13 hours.
00:55:37.000 W, water of plenty.
00:55:39.000 You know how I said two buds and a maker's?
00:55:42.000 Oh, what's that from?
00:55:44.000 Follow the downer rules.
00:55:45.000 This is the episode number 123 of Get Off My Lone podcast, Tips for Young Men.
00:55:50.000 And then I believe you go into the Downer Rules, but they're not listed there.
00:55:54.000 No.
00:55:56.000 So W is water of plenty.
00:55:58.000 So just grab a water at some point.
00:56:00.000 If you can't think of something and you did do shots, even though I told you not to, just be like, can I get a water?
00:56:05.000 And just sort of throw it down.
00:56:07.000 You don't have to finish the whole thing. 0.99
00:56:08.000 And I know it's a pain in the ass for bartenders. 0.97
00:56:10.000 They're making a lot of money tonight. 0.99
00:56:12.000 N. Never after 4 a.m.
00:56:17.000 Nothing good happens after 4 a.m.
00:56:20.000 I think 3 a.m. really, or maybe even 2.
00:56:23.000 Like everyone's slurring their words.
00:56:25.000 Everyone's in a blackout.
00:56:26.000 Even if you get laid that night, you're getting laid with a drunk person.
00:56:29.000 I'm not even sure it's legal.
00:56:32.000 So never after 3 a.m.
00:56:35.000 And I don't care if, I know I said only 13 hours.
00:56:37.000 That was a maximum.
00:56:38.000 If you start at midnight and you still want to keep giving her at 3, no.
00:56:42.000 The answer is no.
00:56:46.000 That's N. E, eat your dinner. 0.96
00:56:49.000 I know you're not hungry.
00:56:50.000 You've been partying.
00:56:51.000 Your stomach's full of beer.
00:56:52.000 Just get a cheeseburger in there at some point during the evening.
00:56:55.000 I think Chipotle is great to sort of give your stomach a base before you start.
00:56:59.000 Get a giant burrito around 5 o'clock.
00:57:03.000 That is E. A. No, E. D-O-W-N-E. 1.00
00:57:09.000 Eat your dinner.
00:57:10.000 And R. I remembered them all.
00:57:12.000 Wow.
00:57:12.000 Nice.
00:57:13.000 R is regulate your bumps.
00:57:14.000 I don't advocate drug use, but I know it happens.
00:57:18.000 So to those people that are doing that horrible thing called cocaine, before you do a bump, go, do I really need a bump?
00:57:25.000 Do I really want a bump?
00:57:27.000 Like there's this thing about your first bump of cocaine where you go, oh, I got to do more.
00:57:31.000 Let me get some more.
00:57:32.000 More, more, more, more, more. 0.53
00:57:33.000 Really?
00:57:33.000 Do you really want more?
00:57:35.000 It must be like a 650-pound person where they're having just another chicken finger.
00:57:40.000 You don't really want that chicken finger.
00:57:41.000 You're full.
00:57:42.000 And a lot of the times cocaine can ruin your booze buzz.
00:57:47.000 I don't think it's a good thing.
00:57:48.000 It kind of wakes you up at a booze.
00:57:50.000 Yeah.
00:57:50.000 Well, like in New York, it was often used for someone who went out the night before, but then they had clients in town.
00:57:55.000 So they got, I got to be on tonight, even though I don't feel like it.
00:57:58.000 They would do it then to help for business.
00:58:01.000 But I don't know.
00:58:02.000 I don't understand the appeal.
00:58:03.000 It just kills your booze buzz.
00:58:09.000 Get fired.
00:58:10.000 Get in trouble.
00:58:10.000 Be brave.
00:58:11.000 And never stop partying.