Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 06, 2020


S02E107 - GOLDEN GLOBES MASSACRE [2020-01-06 - S02E107 - GOLDEN GLOBES MASSACRE]


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 6 minutes

Words per minute

159.04301

Word count

10,526

Sentence count

1,201

Harmful content

Misogyny

71

sentences flagged

Hate speech

63

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week, the boys talk about their favorite songs from the 80s and early 90s, and the weirdest things they've ever done in their lives. Also, Ryan tries to figure out how to make a pot roast that doesn't taste like pot roast.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:29.000 The problem with choosing this song is you can't really turn it off.
00:00:36.000 It's really good.
00:00:37.000 And it's got the breakdowns.
00:00:39.000 Two.
00:00:43.000 Turn it up.
00:00:44.000 Make it alright.
00:00:47.000 That's a great thing about a subscription site is you can play these songs and not get banned.
00:00:54.000 What a fucking drummer go on.
00:00:58.000 Yeah.
00:00:59.000 And if you've promised you love so completely And you said you would always be true.
00:01:11.000 Fast forward to the tweet!
00:01:18.000 That part's awesome, too.
00:01:20.000 There's a mandolin.
00:01:21.000 It's the right form to play this song.
00:01:22.000 It's too special.
00:01:24.000 is it a mandolin Oh, that's insane.
00:01:35.000 Yeah, go back, go back.
00:01:37.000 Now go back a little bit more.
00:01:38.000 Hey! 0.99
00:01:53.000 That's ridiculous.
00:01:57.000 And then it sort of topples back into the riff after the boom box is broke.
00:02:10.000 I saw that button broke, yes.
00:02:12.000 Why wouldn't you fix it?
00:02:13.000 I tried.
00:02:14.000 I don't know if there's anything to catch onto in there.
00:02:16.000 What's with their audio?
00:02:20.000 It sounds kind of ghosty, echoey.
00:02:22.000 Hello, hello.
00:02:24.000 Maybe it's coming back on the speaker?
00:02:26.000 It is.
00:02:27.000 Yeah, what's that about?
00:02:28.000 Is that going to affect the recording?
00:02:32.000 Do it again?
00:02:32.000 Now you're just pushing random buttons?
00:02:34.000 Okay, it's not doing it anymore, but now I'm worried it's not recording.
00:02:37.000 No, it is.
00:02:38.000 Okay.
00:02:39.000 Yeah, we went skiing over the holidays, Ryan and I and the family.
00:02:44.000 Holy fuck, was that expensive?
00:02:45.000 Remember I said it was $421?
00:02:47.000 Yeah.
00:02:47.000 It was $2,421.
00:02:50.000 Three adults, two kids, because Johnny's free, for four days.
00:02:54.000 $2,421.
00:02:57.000 Alrighty then.
00:02:59.000 Wow.
00:03:00.000 So that's like $120 per person every fucking day.
00:03:05.000 Including the day that it was raining and we didn't go.
00:03:08.000 So you got to just go down there every morning at 8 and buy that day's tickets.
00:03:12.000 Or you're going to get screwed.
00:03:14.000 You didn't get a deal because you got the passes?
00:03:16.000 I thought I did.
00:03:17.000 No, I did not.
00:03:18.000 Zero deals.
00:03:18.000 Wow.
00:03:20.000 Anyway.
00:03:22.000 Food was cheap at the lodge.
00:03:24.000 It was gross, too.
00:03:25.000 They're doing this weird thing now where they seem to have these foreigners coming in. 1.00
00:03:30.000 It's probably free labor in exchange for, I don't fucking know, some student exchange.
00:03:35.000 So everyone said like, Jose Huartes, Chile, or Peru.
00:03:41.000 It wasn't poor countries like Guatemala.
00:03:43.000 It was Chile and Peru and Brazil and Argentina.
00:03:49.000 Argentinas.
00:03:50.000 And then they, at the bar at the top, remember they had that one, were you there?
00:03:53.000 I don't think you were there that day.
00:03:55.000 Ryan had to leave early.
00:03:56.000 But they had some dude working just alone at the bar.
00:04:00.000 Okimo, what are you doing?
00:04:01.000 Are you trying to save some money?
00:04:03.000 I think Sam and Diane were the previous owners, and they were these ski bums who quit their jobs and triple mortgage their home to build it, and they made it into what it is today.
00:04:11.000 And then a massive chain bought it that owns all of those ski hills in the Northeast, and they just changed it into a scam.
00:04:20.000 But so I'm waiting in line, and I heard that song, and I was just standing there going, what a cham this is. 0.56
00:04:29.000 It's from In Through the Outdoor.
00:04:31.000 No other hits on that album.
00:04:32.000 It didn't really do well, but everyone loves that song, Fool in the Rain, it's called.
00:04:36.000 I love playing on the jukebox at a bar.
00:04:38.000 Everyone stops talking when you do that.
00:04:40.000 But apparently, John Paul Jones and Robert Plant were inspired by the 1978 FIFA World Cup.
00:04:47.000 Hence the So I was skiing with my little kid most of the time, so I didn't get to go bananas.
00:04:56.000 And I'm on this testosterone drug, clomophil, I think it's called.
00:05:01.000 It's for infertile women. 1.00
00:05:03.000 Helps them make eggs, but it also makes men make testosterone. 0.75
00:05:08.000 So I'm getting kind of pumped.
00:05:09.000 I've had a bit of a temper.
00:05:10.000 Last night, my son wouldn't eat, and he'd ruined my youngest one.
00:05:14.000 He'd ruined like the fucking 15th dinner in a row with his bullshit whining and refusing to eat and sitting over there. 0.97
00:05:22.000 He wants to sit at the head of the table.
00:05:22.000 Like he won't sit.
00:05:24.000 He's six.
00:05:25.000 No.
00:05:26.000 And my wife made this roast beef pot fucking luck. 1.00
00:05:30.000 Not potluck, but what do you call when it's in a thing all day?
00:05:33.000 Oh.
00:05:34.000 Pot roast, but it was like pressure cookred all day.
00:05:38.000 And it's finally there.
00:05:39.000 Potatoes.
00:05:40.000 I've been sick for a couple days, so I hadn't eaten in a while and I was ready to fucking pig out.
00:05:44.000 And then crock pot.
00:05:45.000 Crock pot.
00:05:46.000 He won't eat any of it at all.
00:05:47.000 He won't even try it.
00:05:48.000 And last night we went to a fucking burrito where he said he didn't want it.
00:05:53.000 And then I made him try it.
00:05:54.000 And he goes, holy shit, that was fucking good, dad.
00:05:58.000 And he'd never had like fried cheese, like hot cheese on a burrito before.
00:06:02.000 He had two.
00:06:02.000 And he goes, oh my God.
00:06:04.000 So I go, remember yesterday?
00:06:05.000 And then he refused to eat.
00:06:06.000 He's doing this dumb trick where he goes, I'm eating it.
00:06:09.000 And then he drops it on his sweater like I'm blind.
00:06:11.000 What are you, pen and tell her?
00:06:13.000 I can see the meat falling down.
00:06:15.000 I can hear the dog eating it.
00:06:17.000 I'm not retarded. 0.99
00:06:18.000 Imagine how dumb you'd have to be to go, okay, he's eating it.
00:06:22.000 Some of it fell, though.
00:06:24.000 So that's cracking up the kids.
00:06:25.000 But I'm getting mad and I just go, I go have a bite.
00:06:29.000 And I stand up and I cut some and I go put it in your mouth.
00:06:32.000 And he's doing that thing to you.
00:06:34.000 The tongue's in the way and it kind of falls out.
00:06:36.000 And I'm going, eat it.
00:06:38.000 Eat it.
00:06:39.000 And he's going, what?
00:06:41.000 And it's falling all over the place.
00:06:42.000 And my poor wife is like, why do I bother? 1.00
00:06:45.000 Why do I bother cooking?
00:06:46.000 Which is bad for me because now I can't have good food.
00:06:49.000 So I'm pissed off.
00:06:51.000 So I go, I go, I give him about four warnings.
00:06:54.000 Like, dad's going to pop a cork.
00:06:56.000 I'm getting real mad.
00:06:57.000 And once I get mad, I can't get unmad.
00:06:59.000 And he just refused.
00:07:00.000 And I go, God damn it.
00:07:01.000 And I threw the fork down on my little salad dish and smashed it.
00:07:06.000 Nice, nice.
00:07:07.000 This glamophile is turning me into the Hulk.
00:07:12.000 The plate broke.
00:07:13.000 And it wasn't a big fork.
00:07:14.000 It was a normal fork.
00:07:16.000 So then I just stormed up to my room like a little bitch. 1.00
00:07:19.000 We're supposed to smash things.
00:07:21.000 Yeah, my wife and I differ on that.
00:07:22.000 She's like, I don't want yelling in the house. 0.93
00:07:24.000 And I go, nor do I. Right.
00:07:26.000 But there's a few times like ruining 15 meals in a row.
00:07:29.000 Time to yell.
00:07:31.000 Your friend on the ski trip, too, he was talking about smashing a candle.
00:07:34.000 And it's like, that's what I'm talking about.
00:07:36.000 Were you inspired by that?
00:07:38.000 Oh.
00:07:38.000 No.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, he smashed something big, though.
00:07:40.000 Like a candle.
00:07:41.000 Was it glass?
00:07:42.000 Big candle.
00:07:42.000 Glass.
00:07:43.000 Yeah, he smashed something glass.
00:07:45.000 Dude, when I was a kid, our house looked like Swiss cheese.
00:07:49.000 One time I was in my room, and my dad's foot entered the room.
00:07:53.000 That's right, yeah.
00:07:54.000 Because his parents had just died, and he was having a fight with my mom about it.
00:07:57.000 And I just saw a foot go, hello.
00:08:01.000 But he was so cheat.
00:08:02.000 But who are you?
00:08:03.000 We didn't have Mexicans in Canada, so he would just do it himself. 0.99
00:08:07.000 And if you have a hole this big, it is the hardest drywall there is.
00:08:12.000 You gotta like, well, hopefully you have the pieces, but if you don't, you have to use mesh and like cut out a piece.
00:08:18.000 And I don't know how the Mexicans do it. 1.00
00:08:20.000 They always make it perfect.
00:08:21.000 But my dad, there'd just be this sort of like undulating fatness sticking out of various parts of the wall.
00:08:30.000 Anyway, so that was fun.
00:08:31.000 So I'm all pumped.
00:08:33.000 And I've mentioned this before on the show, but there's a song by the Desperacidos called Mañana, which you should look up.
00:08:42.000 And Johnny went home early one day.
00:08:46.000 You don't get to ski by yourself when you're a dad.
00:08:46.000 Not that early.
00:08:48.000 You're not going to let your youngest kid go screening into a tree.
00:08:51.000 So you're just basically like, the whole time.
00:08:58.000 And then I finally got to go to the top of the mountain and hit the black diamonds.
00:09:01.000 I've been skiing since I was a little kid in the 70s, so I'm a ninja.
00:09:04.000 And I was like, I want to fucking let loose.
00:09:07.000 And so I'm finally alone.
00:09:09.000 I get to the top of Okimo Mountain, which is very, very high.
00:09:14.000 And if you go to the left, it's all black diamonds and blue squares, and it's really fucking fast.
00:09:18.000 And I go into the lodge.
00:09:20.000 It's like three o'clock.
00:09:21.000 They're closing in an hour.
00:09:22.000 I do a shot of bullet.
00:09:26.000 And I'm fucking pumped.
00:09:27.000 And I got my mitts on, my hat and everything, my goggles.
00:09:31.000 And I want to time this perfectly.
00:09:35.000 And this song starts out, there's no intro.
00:09:37.000 So I have to like, with my glove ready, just hit play, get the glove on, hit the slopes.
00:09:43.000 And then I did it to this song.
00:09:45.000 First of all, let me just pause.
00:09:47.000 My fantasy for this song is that the band, I made a video in my head I can watch.
00:09:51.000 The band is just playing, the guitarist and the bass are facing the drums, so they don't really know what's going on.
00:09:56.000 The singer is kind of cool and hot.
00:09:59.000 And there's this chubby schlub guy who's a real fan of the song and the music and the scene.
00:10:04.000 He wears a brown t-shirt.
00:10:06.000 He looks like that kid Ian from Japanther.
00:10:09.000 Anyway, he pushes through the crowd.
00:10:11.000 And at the very beginning of the song, the singer goes, one, two, three.
00:10:14.000 And then he jumps up and goes, what out?
00:10:17.000 And he pushes the singer out of the way.
00:10:19.000 And he gets the security grabs him and they throw him away.
00:10:23.000 And he's fighting with security.
00:10:25.000 But then other people in the crowd start fighting the security guys.
00:10:28.000 And he starts getting loose from them and coming back.
00:10:32.000 And then he shoves the singer down and he's grabbing the mic and singing.
00:10:35.000 The singer's like, what the fuck is going on?
00:10:37.000 As this guy sings this song and he's like, we will cover the earth.
00:10:41.000 And then he puts the mic out to the audience who's like, like Aaron Water.
00:10:47.000 And the singer's trying to grab the mic and he keeps fighting him.
00:10:51.000 And he's covered in blood because everyone's beating the shit out of him, security guards and everything.
00:10:55.000 And he keeps going and going.
00:10:56.000 Anyway, so I got that pumped video in my head and I'm just fucking going way faster than I can handle, 100 miles an hour, just screaming, and there's something like it would get on to a blue square and there's people skiing normal.
00:11:11.000 Dude, I was whipping past them like I was shot out of a cannon, like just down!
00:11:18.000 They would just see like white smoke.
00:11:22.000 And then I wanted to go like this, but you can't really do that without looking like a fucking lunatic.
00:11:26.000 So I just pretended I was doing big pushes with the ski pole.
00:11:29.000 So I was going down the hill at, I'm going to say, 40 miles an hour.
00:11:36.000 But anyway, listen to this song.
00:11:37.000 It's the perfect freaking oot song. 1.00
00:11:44.000 Wait, you got to turn it up.
00:11:45.000 You missed the 12313.
00:11:49.000 I heard it through the thing, but I think the speaker's too low.
00:11:51.000 This is one of the greatest songs ever made.
00:11:51.000 Oh, okay.
00:12:09.000 The singer's been shoved aside.
00:12:11.000 He's fighting with security.
00:12:15.000 Get this asshole off the stage. 0.99
00:12:17.000 "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos." "Mañana" it's called, "Desperacitos."
00:12:45.000 and catching air Oh, fuck.
00:12:54.000 By the time I got to the bottom of the hill, I was like, didn't fall?
00:12:59.000 No.
00:13:00.000 Nice.
00:13:01.000 Never falls.
00:13:02.000 It's true.
00:13:03.000 That's why I wear jeans and a baseball hat and smoke a cigarette.
00:13:09.000 And often don't even use my mittens.
00:13:12.000 Mittens?
00:13:13.000 I don't use my mittens.
00:13:14.000 I had a funny idea when we were gone.
00:13:16.000 We, I mean, yeah, we do a CGI version of us.
00:13:22.000 So when we go away, we can just call in the show and then the audio will be played and the audio will match the lips.
00:13:27.000 So it can just be like, hi, welcome back.
00:13:32.000 I'm not CGI.
00:13:34.000 I'm Gavin McInnes here live in New York City, ready to rock.
00:13:39.000 But like it looks like the dire straits I want my MTV.
00:13:44.000 I don't think any CGI looks good.
00:13:46.000 That's true yet.
00:13:47.000 Like even Star Wars, Carrie Fisher or whatever.
00:13:51.000 All right, let's get going.
00:13:53.000 They always have this fucking De Niro and the Irishman with his plate on his head.
00:14:00.000 There was an Indian tribe called the Plateheads.
00:14:03.000 And when their kids were born, they would put these discs on their heads like that.
00:14:08.000 That actually looks like De Niro and the Irishman.
00:14:10.000 That is, this is a clip from it.
00:14:13.000 Holy fuck, did you hear Ricky Gervais say, talk about the great people in front of him?
00:14:18.000 And he goes, look, and there's baby Yoda.
00:14:20.000 Oh, sorry, that's Joe Becci.
00:14:21.000 Oh, shit.
00:14:23.000 That's hilarious.
00:14:25.000 We should, yeah, we should get to that.
00:14:27.000 Golden Globes.
00:14:29.000 You know, somebody with free software did a better job at age generation.
00:14:35.000 Let me see.
00:14:35.000 Free software.
00:14:36.000 Of De Niro?
00:14:38.000 Yeah.
00:14:39.000 The young thing, the most annoying thing about the young thing is we know what Robert De Niro looks like when he's young.
00:14:44.000 We saw Mean Streets.
00:14:45.000 He's like 80% knows.
00:14:47.000 But then you just make this new De Niro with no wrinkles.
00:14:53.000 There's baby Yoda.
00:14:54.000 There's baby Yoda.
00:15:00.000 So Netflix on the left, and on the right-hand side is just a kid.
00:15:05.000 Yeah.
00:15:07.000 I was talking to General Patton.
00:15:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.
00:15:13.000 The timing change.
00:15:14.000 Yeah.
00:15:15.000 Did you get it fixed?
00:15:16.000 I fixed it the next day, yeah.
00:15:17.000 Oh, boy.
00:15:18.000 That's hilarious.
00:15:19.000 And notice they take away that weird, goofy blue eye shit.
00:15:22.000 Oh, fuck, that ruined the movie for me.
00:15:26.000 Just like it ruined that Bugsy Malone Whitey Bulger thing. 0.71
00:15:30.000 By the way, Master Clipper, if you're watching, I've had enough with this, the 25-minute shit.
00:15:36.000 If you want to steal from this show, you got to keep it under seven minutes or we're going to shut you down.
00:15:41.000 You're losing me money now by playing entire 25-minute segments.
00:15:46.000 What if he goes on a 20-minute rant?
00:15:48.000 Then you don't get it.
00:15:49.000 You're not allowed to have that.
00:15:52.000 So we're on the same page, zero to seven minutes now?
00:15:52.000 Understood?
00:15:56.000 Zero minutes.
00:15:57.000 You can put up zero minute clips.
00:16:01.000 Yeah, okay, so let's get to the Golden Globes because it was so beautiful.
00:16:04.000 Last night, Ricky Gervais ruined Hollywood.
00:16:07.000 And I think the Hollywood foreign press, they think a good way to promote foreign film is to just denigrate American Hollywood, which I'm all for. 0.98
00:16:18.000 Please do.
00:16:19.000 And these people, they're attracted to this profession because of the greats, because of Marlon Brando and Greta Garbo and the Humphrey Bogart, the sort of mystery of it all.
00:16:30.000 And they were movie stars who lived in the hills and we didn't know about them.
00:16:35.000 Now we see them take a shit and get divorced. 1.00
00:16:38.000 And Twitter has been amazing at demystifying Hollywood.
00:16:42.000 We read their shit and go, holy fuck, you're retarded. 1.00
00:16:48.000 Like, you don't know anything.
00:16:50.000 So Ricky Gervais furthered that by getting out there and slaying them.
00:16:56.000 It should be listed as a massacre.
00:16:59.000 But it's funny how it changes your whole perspective, too.
00:17:02.000 Like, they come out now and I think a lot of America just sees them as a bunch of clowns.
00:17:07.000 Or I should be more specific.
00:17:09.000 Sees them for the clowns that they are.
00:17:11.000 And their outfits helped perpetuate this truth.
00:17:16.000 If you go to the first, oh, I forgot to number these, sorry.
00:17:18.000 The outfits did not slay girl, the first of the golden globes.
00:17:24.000 Okay, now there's this homo. 1.00
00:17:29.000 Should gays be included in a good outfit? 1.00
00:17:32.000 You know what I mean?
00:17:33.000 That looks like that camp festival that they had.
00:17:36.000 Yeah, this is a, like, it's a different genre.
00:17:39.000 The Golden Globes is about, oh, tuxedos, and then the woman has a Louis Vuitton dress or something.
00:17:47.000 But now some queer shows up with a fucking feather boa. 1.00
00:17:51.000 I don't know what that is, a wedding raincoat?
00:17:56.000 That's very nice.
00:17:57.000 And I'm sure in the genre of the gays, you're like slaying it. 1.00
00:18:01.000 But I don't know.
00:18:03.000 I guess I got to be more open-minded.
00:18:04.000 Because once we opened this Pandora's Homo box, now what about, like, remember that Australian movie Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?
00:18:12.000 Like, what if someone comes with a giant Brazilian... 1.00
00:18:19.000 What if someone wears that?
00:18:20.000 They look good.
00:18:22.000 It's impressive when you have that big shit coming out of your head.
00:18:26.000 Yeah.
00:18:27.000 What if someone wears that?
00:18:29.000 Like, do they look great?
00:18:31.000 What if someone now is a punk rocker?
00:18:31.000 Okay.
00:18:33.000 Like, it's now a costume show.
00:18:36.000 When there's no parameters, it's just Halloween.
00:18:40.000 Right, right.
00:18:41.000 But anyway, let me see the next one.
00:18:44.000 Then this chick just shows her tits off. 1.00
00:18:46.000 Right.
00:18:47.000 Like, that makes me horny, but I'm not sure I should be horny at an awards ceremony.
00:18:51.000 Can you zoom in on her cans?
00:18:52.000 Look at her knee. 1.00
00:18:55.000 Her knee looks like a vagina that just gave birth. 1.00
00:18:58.000 Let me see that knee. 0.98
00:19:02.000 Yeah, that's not something you want to show off, lady. 1.00
00:19:04.000 Looks like a boil.
00:19:06.000 Looks like something that needs to be lanced.
00:19:08.000 Looks like a charcoal drawing of a lion's face.
00:19:11.000 It's too smudged.
00:19:12.000 It looks like those shitty NYPD blotter photos where they say, have you seen this man?
00:19:16.000 And you're like, no, no one has.
00:19:19.000 This isn't a good enough photo.
00:19:21.000 Let's go up and see her non-boobs. 1.00
00:19:25.000 You just look like a crazy rich slut. 1.00
00:19:28.000 Yeah.
00:19:29.000 Yeah, that should be at some sort of like 50 Shades of Grey party.
00:19:33.000 And how are you supposed to talk to her?
00:19:34.000 How are you supposed to not look at that?
00:19:36.000 my eyes are up here.
00:19:38.000 I know I decorated my naked tits with diamonds, but my eyes are up here.
00:19:42.000 Next, well, I'm not looking, so no problem.
00:19:45.000 Mission accomplished.
00:19:46.000 Oh, and then there was this tit fest. 0.92
00:19:48.000 Look at that.
00:19:49.000 That's right.
00:19:51.000 Her and Tiffany Hadish made fun of their accents, which is racist.
00:19:55.000 People were pissed off that they had to play Sambo in order to be noticed.
00:19:59.000 Yeah, no one's ever noticed Salma Hayek.
00:20:03.000 And then Tiffany Hadish is in every movie in the world, including a movie where she runs Hell's Kitchen. 1.00
00:20:10.000 What?
00:20:12.000 What else do we got?
00:20:13.000 And then Jennifer Lopez dressed up as a Christmas ornament present for Derek Jeter.
00:20:19.000 What the fuck is that?
00:20:21.000 Am I supposed to pull on that bow when you get home?
00:20:23.000 And then what, you're just your 50-year-old tits are flopping out on top of the rest of your dress? 1.00
00:20:28.000 That was idiotic.
00:20:29.000 So you got tangled up in a Macy's Day parade float.
00:20:32.000 Yeah, that would be okay.
00:20:33.000 Then this was normal.
00:20:34.000 Boy, that look.
00:20:35.000 He must just be looking in the mirror going, you did it.
00:20:39.000 You did it.
00:20:40.000 Remember those Scarlett Johansen nudes that got leaked? 0.99
00:20:42.000 Opine Anthony said, from now on history will be defined as before Scarlett Johansson's nudes are leaked and after.
00:20:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:51.000 They're commemorating, it was the 10th anniversary of Nyla.
00:20:55.000 This is my favorite one.
00:20:56.000 She's got a weird wool bikini.
00:20:59.000 A shit-colored wool bikini with a bizarre 70s neglige on top.
00:21:05.000 I could see the negligee being attractive if it was the mid-70s and you're on your honeymoon and she's got just panties on and no shirt. 1.00
00:21:12.000 It would be a cool way to see tits. 1.00
00:21:14.000 Hey, Gwyneth, your dress reminds me of a cool way to see tits in the 70s, back when they were more conical.
00:21:22.000 And then she has her necklace underneath this mosquito net.
00:21:26.000 What the fuck is that?
00:21:28.000 I've never seen that before.
00:21:30.000 Not that you should be saying anything about fashion.
00:21:32.000 What's with your look, by the way, now?
00:21:35.000 Oh, I'm going for a like hype beast guy who hangs out with black people. 1.00
00:21:41.000 Does your camera not work?
00:21:44.000 So you're going like for a Rob Drydeck's friend thing?
00:21:52.000 We'll be right back.
00:21:53.000 And then the bumper.
00:21:54.000 So like a YouTuber guy.
00:21:54.000 Huh.
00:21:57.000 YouTuber wigger. 1.00
00:21:58.000 Hype Beast Wigger YouTuber. 1.00
00:22:00.000 Are you allowed to say Wigger?
00:22:00.000 Is that racist?
00:22:01.000 I can say whatever I'd like.
00:22:03.000 Oh.
00:22:04.000 And I'm just kidding.
00:22:04.000 I think it's racist.
00:22:06.000 Okay, next.
00:22:08.000 Oh, that's cute.
00:22:09.000 I don't mind that.
00:22:11.000 She's aging well, too, Taylor Swift.
00:22:14.000 You don't say.
00:22:15.000 I saw this clip from her in Cats, and as she's singing, they're so overemployed in these movies.
00:22:21.000 It lost $70 million from her.
00:22:24.000 Wow.
00:22:24.000 As she's singing, her ears are like, I want to know what's happening to you.
00:22:29.000 Like they have little expressions.
00:22:33.000 That probably cost another three weeks.
00:22:35.000 Yeah, right?
00:22:36.000 That doesn't just happen.
00:22:37.000 At one point, Ricky Gervais goes, I think Joker was up for like four awards.
00:22:41.000 And he goes, see what happens when you don't dress up people as cats?
00:22:44.000 Oh, my.
00:22:45.000 Wow, that's embarrassing.
00:22:46.000 That's great.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, those moved around.
00:22:48.000 How are we doing for time?
00:22:49.000 When did we start?
00:22:50.000 Well, don't say the exact time we started.
00:22:54.000 We're only 22 minutes in?
00:22:55.000 Oh, good.
00:22:55.000 Yeah.
00:22:57.000 All right, let's look at some more outfits then. 0.74
00:22:59.000 Can we go see Cats?
00:23:00.000 Yeah, well, I was trying to summon the courage to get stoned in SeaCats.
00:23:04.000 That's tough.
00:23:09.000 I'm going to be invited to Veterans Day if I do that.
00:23:12.000 You'll probably have to make a speech.
00:23:14.000 I'll do a speech next to the guys who, the four guys left from Pearl Harbor.
00:23:17.000 It's everybody in wheelchairs and then you.
00:23:20.000 I just want to clarify, I was never at Pearl Harbor, but I did see Kat Stone.
00:23:25.000 So we're in a similar boat.
00:23:28.000 You might notice I don't have a cast wheelchair or crutch.
00:23:31.000 You might notice I'm the only hot guy here.
00:23:34.000 I can't laugh at that.
00:23:35.000 That's one of my favorite Army jokes.
00:23:37.000 Every time they show the remaining guys from Pearl Harbor, none of them are hot.
00:23:43.000 That's what's her name.
00:23:44.000 She looked bizarre with her.
00:23:46.000 Nicole Kidman.
00:23:46.000 Nicole Kidman looked bizarre with her makeup.
00:23:48.000 I don't mind her outfit.
00:23:50.000 His shoes look funny.
00:23:51.000 Look like little Lego boots.
00:23:53.000 Nice fucking wispy hair, Goo Goo doll. 1.00
00:23:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:23:56.000 Keith Urban.
00:23:59.000 Leonardo DiCaprio.
00:24:00.000 There was a good joke Ricky Gervais said when he said, I watched The Irishman.
00:24:03.000 It was so long that by the end, Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend was too young, too old for him.
00:24:09.000 I wrecked it.
00:24:10.000 That's good.
00:24:13.000 I noticed there's a thing, too, squinty eyes.
00:24:16.000 You'll be happy to hear this.
00:24:18.000 Every hunk last night had squinty eyes.
00:24:20.000 He looks like Michael.
00:24:21.000 DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig.
00:24:25.000 You gotta have squinty eyes to be a hunk in 2020.
00:24:30.000 I'm gonna start smoking just so I always have smoke in my eyes and I become squinty guy.
00:24:36.000 Yeah, there's some squinty guy.
00:24:37.000 It's gorgeous.
00:24:39.000 The thing they're doing is like the classic tuxedo thing.
00:24:42.000 Boring.
00:24:43.000 I just watched a great video on that where this guy's judging tuxedos.
00:24:47.000 What are those, like pants?
00:24:50.000 Big floppy pants?
00:24:51.000 Yeah, very 70s.
00:24:52.000 Okay.
00:24:53.000 60s.
00:24:55.000 Oh, what the fuck?
00:24:55.000 Oh, look at that weird button on her chest.
00:24:59.000 I don't know what that is.
00:25:00.000 Who is that?
00:25:01.000 Shalene Woodley?
00:25:02.000 You know, you're getting old when you don't recognize any of the people except Brad Pitt and LDC.
00:25:08.000 That's the most unflattering thing I've ever seen.
00:25:10.000 She looks like a puzzle.
00:25:12.000 Like you go to someone's house and they go, I'm just going to get ready.
00:25:15.000 And on their coffee table, they have some little puzzles you have to figure out.
00:25:18.000 And it's like a screw in a thing and you have to get the screw out without breaking the thing.
00:25:22.000 And you're like, oh, maybe if you twist it.
00:25:23.000 Like a Brookstone puzzle.
00:25:25.000 Yeah.
00:25:27.000 Are we done with the outfits?
00:25:30.000 Jennifer's getting old. 0.84
00:25:32.000 Sorry, I wet your bed.
00:25:35.000 Everyone like this chick. 1.00
00:25:37.000 I don't know what the hell.
00:25:38.000 She was in Jumanji.
00:25:39.000 I saw Jumanji.
00:25:40.000 She worships the ground she walks on.
00:25:42.000 She's just like a sassy Asian from Queens. 1.00
00:25:45.000 I think she or the Bronx or whatever.
00:25:47.000 She raps. 0.80
00:25:48.000 She's originally a rapper. 1.00
00:25:48.000 That's her background. 1.00
00:25:51.000 And then she got into cinema.
00:25:53.000 And this is her first trip to the Golden Globes, and she won an award.
00:25:57.000 Why does everyone love her?
00:25:58.000 I don't know.
00:25:59.000 I don't know.
00:26:00.000 It's because she's a badass bitch. 1.00
00:26:02.000 She doesn't take any shit. 0.99
00:26:03.000 She's a feminist. 1.00
00:26:04.000 And she made me feel bad when I was watching Jumanji, and then she became one of the characters.
00:26:08.000 I was like, I don't want to look at her for the rest of the movie.
00:26:10.000 You know, Michelle, what's her name?
00:26:13.000 Fields?
00:26:14.000 She got up there and she said, I want to talk.
00:26:18.000 And it's funny because Ricky Gerais gets up there and he goes, just take your award and fuck off.
00:26:23.000 Don't preach.
00:26:24.000 And then she gets up and she talks about a woman's choice.
00:26:28.000 Find a rap video from Aquafina.
00:26:31.000 She gets up there and she talks about a woman's choice.
00:26:33.000 And she says, deciding when I wanted to have my children, like sperm just shoots up from the ground up your skirt from these sperm geysers. 1.00
00:26:42.000 And she doesn't wear panties. 0.57
00:26:44.000 Being able to choose when I had my kids enabled me to have this career.
00:26:50.000 Of Sally Fields.
00:26:52.000 No, no.
00:26:53.000 Was it not Sally Fields?
00:26:53.000 Keith Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams.
00:26:58.000 Here, let's watch it for a second.
00:27:01.000 It's called My Vadge.
00:27:03.000 Oh, it's a Mickey Avalon rip-off.
00:27:09.000 My Vadge.
00:27:11.000 Yo, my Vadge, make it girl panty cream. 1.00
00:27:14.000 Yo, Vadge bread, appetite, and bee.
00:27:16.000 And my veg, a chrome rape.
00:27:19.000 Yo, Vadge hatchback 81 for Yola.
00:27:22.000 So she's like a Huffington Post joke blogger who pulls Swifters out of people's vaginas. 1.00
00:27:31.000 Yo, my veg, feel like winning the lottery.
00:27:33.000 Yo, shit got turned down for me hard.
00:27:37.000 You know the original song, right?
00:27:39.000 Yeah.
00:27:40.000 What is it again?
00:27:41.000 My Dick by Mickey Avalon.
00:27:43.000 I opened up for him, by the way.
00:27:45.000 My bad, yeah.
00:27:45.000 You did?
00:27:46.000 Oh, wow.
00:27:48.000 Anyway, Michelle Williams gets up and she says that abortion is awesome because you can choose when to have kids. 1.00
00:27:53.000 So I'd like to thank my dead babies for making me a movie star.
00:27:57.000 I do have kids, but I chose. 0.73
00:27:59.000 So I just let guys jizz in me and then I kill the ones that are going to hurt my career.
00:28:04.000 That's not the pitch for abortion. 1.00
00:28:07.000 The pitch is I'm poor, I live on the streets or I'm 17.
00:28:14.000 And if I have this baby, my life will be over and I can't afford it and it will starve and I'll starve.
00:28:19.000 I get that argument.
00:28:20.000 So I'm going to abort it with a coat hanger and then everyone's going to die.
00:28:24.000 Okay, that's a good argument, by the way.
00:28:27.000 But like, eh, I have two kids.
00:28:28.000 I didn't want a third kid now.
00:28:30.000 I want a third kid later.
00:28:31.000 I think Amber Tamblin, David Cross's wife, I think she had an abortion like a week before she was married because it wasn't convenient.
00:28:38.000 I guess she didn't want to look fat at the wedding. 1.00
00:28:40.000 Then she had a kid like a year later.
00:28:42.000 So you have abortions. 1.00
00:28:43.000 You murder babies based on a few months of inconvenience?
00:28:47.000 Like you're not poor.
00:28:47.000 Yeah.
00:28:49.000 She's got money. 1.00
00:28:50.000 And here's what drove me nuts about this stupid fucking speech.
00:28:53.000 Your husband died of an opioid overdose.
00:28:57.000 We're up to over 200 people a day dying from these.
00:29:00.000 Your children don't have a father because of opioids.
00:29:06.000 And your takeaway is we need more abortion. 1.00
00:29:11.000 What?
00:29:12.000 I guess if you aborted the kids that you have, they wouldn't be fatherless.
00:29:15.000 That's one way to look at it.
00:29:17.000 How negligent of her not to mention the opioid epidemic that killed her husband and the father of her children and just talked about the convenience of abortion, like it's birth control. 0.99
00:29:29.000 She literally was talking about abortion as birth control.
00:29:32.000 Go back to her speech. 0.95
00:29:33.000 Did they show any of that?
00:29:34.000 Everyone's clapping to you.
00:29:36.000 You go, girl.
00:29:38.000 Thank you so much.
00:29:40.000 When it is time to vote, please do so in your own self- Thank God or whomever you pray to that we live in a country founded on the principle that I am free to live by my faith and you are free to live by yours.
00:29:55.000 Free to kill babies without employing a woman's right to choose men have we have the right to choose opioids. 1.00
00:30:10.000 Why is she crying already? 0.98
00:30:12.000 Nothing happens.
00:30:12.000 I don't know.
00:30:14.000 You know what?
00:30:15.000 Half of the pro-choice debate is sluts who feel guilty about their abortions. 1.00
00:30:19.000 And they go, I don't want to feel bad that I got drunk and let some dude jizz in me and then just forgot about it.
00:30:26.000 Didn't take the morning after pill and had an abortion.
00:30:29.000 And I feel, I innately, naturally, Darwinianly feel gross.
00:30:34.000 I feel like a murderer.
00:30:36.000 So when a celebrity goes, you're not a murderer, it's like, maybe I'll do it again.
00:30:43.000 To choose when to have my children and with whom, when I felt supported and able to balance our lives, knowing as all mothers know, that the scales must and will tip towards our children.
00:30:56.000 Now, I know my choices might look different than yours, but thank God or whomever you pray to that we live in a country founded on the principle that I am She's a retard. 0.58
00:31:08.000 See, this is what was so great about Ricky Gervais's speech, his intro.
00:31:12.000 He said, let's cut this shit.
00:31:14.000 These people are retards. 1.00
00:31:15.000 They're losers.
00:31:16.000 Now, we have some clips from here.
00:31:19.000 He called out Apple.
00:31:21.000 He said, you guys say you're woke, yet you work for Apple, who has sweatshop.
00:31:26.000 I'm Jennifer Anison's there.
00:31:27.000 She's sort of the face of Apple TV.
00:31:29.000 She's launching it.
00:31:30.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:31:31.000 She is it.
00:31:32.000 She's McDonald's. 1.00
00:31:34.000 Ronald McDonald to McDonald's is Jennifer Anison to Apple TV.
00:31:37.000 And right in front of her, he says this.
00:31:40.000 Well, you say you're woke, but the companies you work for, I mean, unbelievable.
00:31:44.000 Apple, Amazon, Disney.
00:31:46.000 If ISIS started a streaming service, you'd call your agent, wouldn't you?
00:31:50.000 So, if you do win an award tonight, don't use it as a platform to make a political speech, right?
00:31:57.000 You're in no position to lecture the public about anything.
00:32:00.000 You know nothing about the real world.
00:32:02.000 Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.
00:32:05.000 So, if you win, right, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your God.
00:32:11.000 I...
00:32:18.000 You could see people pissed off in the audience.
00:32:20.000 You could also see people on Twitter like, you know that comedian I hate who used to be on Mr. Show.
00:32:25.000 He always wears suits.
00:32:26.000 Oh, yes.
00:32:27.000 Paul F. Tompkins.
00:32:28.000 Paul Tompkins.
00:32:29.000 He was noticing that and he goes, ooh, no tie drinking a beer, irreverent.
00:32:35.000 Like all of Hollywood, all of California is predicated on the myth that these people are special.
00:32:41.000 When you say the emperor has no clothes, the whole industry collapses.
00:32:45.000 Yeah, their whole raison debt fails.
00:32:49.000 It seemed like a big old joke.
00:32:51.000 Because it is.
00:32:56.000 We're nearly done.
00:32:56.000 Kill me.
00:32:58.000 Jesus.
00:33:00.000 This is the Harvey Weinstein man.
00:33:01.000 It's already.
00:33:04.000 Right.
00:33:05.000 Last one, last one.
00:33:06.000 Come on, boys.
00:33:08.000 Our next presenter starred in Netflix's Bird Box, a movie where people survive by acting like they don't see a thing.
00:33:16.000 Sort of like working for Harvey Weinstein.
00:33:20.000 You did it.
00:33:21.000 I didn't.
00:33:22.000 You did it.
00:33:26.000 I'm starting to feel sympathy for Harvey Weinstein.
00:33:29.000 Yeah, I felt it from the beget-go.
00:33:32.000 Like, there was the Lawrence Savon one where he was jerking off, and he had blocked the exit to this kitchen downstairs.
00:33:41.000 So she couldn't get past him as he sat there.
00:33:44.000 Then he beat off into a plant.
00:33:46.000 That's sexual assault. 0.97
00:33:48.000 But why didn't she call the cops like one second later? 0.99
00:33:52.000 She's a friend of mine, so I feel bad saying this.
00:33:56.000 But that's the worst it got.
00:33:58.000 As far as Gwyneth Paltrow?
00:34:01.000 I blew him and got, and that's the only way I could get that job.
00:34:04.000 You know, who else does that?
00:34:06.000 Everybody in Hollywood.
00:34:09.000 Like, I worked in advertising.
00:34:10.000 It was replete with homosexuals. 1.00
00:34:12.000 And if I had done a sexual favor for them, we would have made a lot more money.
00:34:16.000 Sorry, I'm not a high-paid gay prostitute.
00:34:19.000 So I didn't do it.
00:34:21.000 And the way they always posed in pictures with him after they knew what was going on.
00:34:27.000 So is Harvey really the perpetrator?
00:34:31.000 Or is he just a guy who took advantage of a disgusting sex club called Hollywood?
00:34:36.000 Yeah.
00:34:37.000 We've heard the term the casting couch.
00:34:39.000 Maybe he's just the first one to get called out.
00:34:41.000 Yeah.
00:34:42.000 He pissed off somebody, probably, right?
00:34:46.000 Great thing.
00:34:47.000 And they were like, you know what?
00:34:48.000 We're not going to defend you no more.
00:34:50.000 I think they had the full power to defend him through the whole thing.
00:34:52.000 All right, last Ricky clip.
00:34:55.000 Epstein didn't kill himself.
00:34:59.000 Well, you say you're woke, but the companies you work for, I mean, unbelievable.
00:35:04.000 That's a repeat.
00:35:05.000 Is that the one I sent?
00:35:07.000 Under Epstein Didn't Kill Himself?
00:35:09.000 Let me check, let me check, let me check.
00:35:11.000 Pressure's on.
00:35:12.000 Well, you say you're woke, but the company is a good idea.
00:35:13.000 Maybe it's a longer one.
00:35:15.000 I mean, most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.
00:35:19.000 So, if you win, right?
00:35:21.000 Come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your God, and hold up.
00:35:27.000 I got you.
00:35:28.000 You got me?
00:35:28.000 I got you.
00:35:30.000 I'm nervous now.
00:35:31.000 This is not good TV.
00:35:32.000 This doesn't happen on Tucker Carlson tonight.
00:35:34.000 A fart happened, though.
00:35:35.000 He's mad about Iran.
00:35:38.000 We'll get to that.
00:35:39.000 I ain't mad.
00:35:41.000 You hear about his fart?
00:35:43.000 I don't believe it.
00:35:44.000 I don't know if I believe it either.
00:35:46.000 His show isn't live.
00:35:49.000 Right, so why would he do that?
00:35:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:51.000 Yeah.
00:35:52.000 When you hear farts on this show, they're real.
00:35:57.000 Ugh.
00:35:58.000 Are they going to put it in?
00:35:59.000 Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that.
00:36:01.000 The Hollywood foreign press are all very, very racist.
00:36:06.000 If you do win an award tonight.
00:36:08.000 Okay?
00:36:14.000 Huffington Post blows.
00:36:16.000 I hate those.
00:36:17.000 And they have failed me.
00:36:18.000 Anyway, he said Epstein didn't kill himself.
00:36:20.000 It was a good joke.
00:36:20.000 Yeah.
00:36:21.000 I forget the setup, but everyone went on.
00:36:23.000 And then he goes, don't blame me.
00:36:25.000 He's your friend.
00:36:26.000 And then they show the audience.
00:36:27.000 You can see Tom Hanks sort of going really uncomfortable.
00:36:31.000 Season two is on the way, so in the end, he obviously didn't kill himself.
00:36:35.000 Just like Jeffrey Epstein.
00:36:38.000 Shut up. 0.95
00:36:39.000 I know he's your friend, but I don't care.
00:36:44.000 Can you find, I don't have this.
00:36:45.000 Oh, look at her. 1.00
00:36:46.000 See, I love it.
00:36:47.000 And then they laugh to say, it's not me, it's someone else.
00:36:50.000 Shut up. 0.95
00:36:55.000 I know he's your friend.
00:36:56.000 Shut up. 0.95
00:36:58.000 S-H-U-D.
00:36:59.000 Shut up. 0.95
00:37:01.000 Look, I love her.
00:37:02.000 Like, she worked so hard to get to Hollywood. 0.96
00:37:04.000 She finally made it.
00:37:05.000 She's finally a celebrity.
00:37:06.000 She's finally a movie star. 0.63
00:37:07.000 And then someone says, this is all bullshit.
00:37:09.000 She's like, that's not what my entire life has been about.
00:37:12.000 That's not why I was in drama club in ninth grade.
00:37:15.000 That's not why I sucked 100 dicks to get here.
00:37:19.000 For you to cheapen it by saying it's a waste of time.
00:37:24.000 Do you have the Rob Corden one?
00:37:26.000 That was one of my faves.
00:37:27.000 I don't think it's in the notes.
00:37:29.000 Rob Corden is a big pussy.
00:37:32.000 It's not in the notes.
00:37:35.000 Rob Corden is America's dad.
00:37:38.000 He is a family man.
00:37:40.000 He's got kids.
00:37:41.000 He's happily married.
00:37:42.000 And he does fun stuff like car karaoke.
00:37:46.000 James Cordeno.
00:37:47.000 I'm sorry.
00:37:47.000 Sorry, James Corden.
00:37:49.000 Why do I have Rob Corden here?
00:37:52.000 I hope I wasn't calling him.
00:37:55.000 Okay.
00:38:00.000 He's in cars with celebrities, Paul McCartney, Michelle Obama, Mariah Carey.
00:38:06.000 I mean, he is the cleanest, sweetest part of American culture today.
00:38:12.000 And he's a depraved pervert.
00:38:15.000 One of the jokes, I guess we can't find it, one of the jokes that Ricky Girais said, I think it was my favorite joke of the night.
00:38:22.000 He said, we got to see James Corden as a big pussy.
00:38:28.000 He was also in cats.
00:38:32.000 And when he said that, I thought, it's amazing how few people know that James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:38:38.000 Did you know that?
00:38:39.000 A what?
00:38:40.000 He's a sex comedian.
00:38:42.000 Well, like, he does, like, sex.
00:38:45.000 He does jokes in.
00:38:46.000 He's a sex comic.
00:38:47.000 He's on sex sitcoms and does jokes about anal penetration and double dongs and being attacked by a dominatrix.
00:38:56.000 I thought it was just like squeaky, clean.
00:38:58.000 No.
00:38:58.000 He's a sex comedian.
00:39:00.000 I'll show you.
00:39:01.000 I'll show you.
00:39:10.000 Hey, this isn't a family show, but we do avoid porn.
00:39:13.000 We do avoid things getting too raunchy.
00:39:16.000 But sometimes the news involves pornography.
00:39:21.000 And I would be remiss if I didn't tell you James Corden's biggest secret.
00:39:28.000 The family man show guy, the car karaoke dude, everyone's favorite chubby British man, is actually a sex comedian. 0.82
00:39:37.000 That's right.
00:39:38.000 James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:39:44.000 He was on a sexual sitcom in the early aughts to about, I think, 08.
00:39:50.000 It was called Gavin and Stacey.
00:39:52.000 And this sitcom portrayed a lot of disgusting sexual behavior that James Corden was at the center of.
00:40:01.000 I know that's shocking to you because you see him as a sort of whitewashed, lily clean.
00:40:07.000 Is that a term?
00:40:08.000 Lily clean?
00:40:09.000 Super clean family guy.
00:40:12.000 But he's closer to the cartoon family guy when you look at his disgusting pornographic past.
00:40:19.000 Here are some clips I'd like to show you.
00:40:29.000 So just pause.
00:40:30.000 That's Gavin and Stacey in the foreground.
00:40:32.000 They're the protagonists of the show.
00:40:34.000 And James Corden is with a very libidinous and dominant woman named Nessie.
00:40:40.000 Nessa, sorry, who is a Welsh pervert that has her way with James in this not atypical episode. 0.95
00:40:50.000 I don't want you to think that.
00:40:54.000 They're deciding whether to go back to the hotel or not.
00:41:00.000 Nessa, that's it.
00:41:01.000 And I have a word.
00:41:05.000 You got any Johnny's?
00:41:06.000 Johnny's or condies.
00:41:10.000 I ain't going in there, bareback.
00:41:16.000 Well, we might have to, um, get some.
00:41:16.000 What for?
00:41:20.000 Don't worry, I got a stash.
00:41:22.000 Ripped.
00:41:23.000 Jackie!
00:41:26.000 James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:41:31.000 They're back at the hotel now where the disgusting fornication begins.
00:41:37.000 This is the guy in the car with Michelle Obama singing songs as he has his phallus grabbed by a Welsh slut. 1.00
00:41:45.000 A dominating Welsh slut. 1.00
00:41:47.000 I would call her a Dominatrix, actually. 0.85
00:41:49.000 Yeah, he's about to be sodomized in the bathroom by a Dominatrix.
00:41:55.000 I don't give a shit.
00:41:56.000 I mean, it sounds like Ricky Gervais's big pussy comment was actually a compliment.
00:42:01.000 Okay.
00:42:01.000 Okay.
00:42:02.000 As a mate, we're going the ensuite.
00:42:05.000 Yeah?
00:42:05.000 Nessa?
00:42:07.000 Alright.
00:42:08.000 But only for the first one.
00:42:10.000 I hope you're hungry, big boy.
00:42:16.000 James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:42:21.000 Here he interrupts his friend's, I was going to say capitulation.
00:42:27.000 Consummation?
00:42:29.000 What do you call it when you have sex with someone on your wedding night?
00:42:36.000 Dang it.
00:42:38.000 Listen.
00:42:42.000 Copulation.
00:42:43.000 It's a consummation.
00:42:44.000 Oh! 0.60
00:42:50.000 Did you hear that?
00:42:51.000 He's saying, ow, ow, ow.
00:42:54.000 Oh my God.
00:42:55.000 He accidentally flushes the toilet and it's so intense in there that it interrupts Gavin and Stacey.
00:43:01.000 And by the way, Gavin and Stacey are also fornicating wildly in this sex sitcom starring James Corden, who is a sex comedian.
00:43:12.000 Couch leaves in half an hour.
00:43:14.000 Oh God, the guilt.
00:43:16.000 Oh, the guilt.
00:43:18.000 Now, in this scene, he's realized that he's been sodomized by a sexual pervert, a Dominatrix from Wales, and he is pretending that he regrets that. 0.63
00:43:32.000 Look, what's the point?
00:43:32.000 No, mate.
00:43:34.000 No, you don't.
00:43:35.000 I have.
00:43:35.000 Why?
00:43:36.000 You don't understand.
00:43:41.000 She did things.
00:43:42.000 Mate, she put things in.
00:43:47.000 Did Stacey, listen, did Stacey, did she?
00:43:54.000 Sniffy, I can't believe you're even asking me.
00:43:56.000 I am not discussing anything about last night with you.
00:43:58.000 I need to know whether this is something that just...
00:44:03.000 Nessa.
00:44:04.000 Nessa, whether it's something that just she does or is it a Welsh thing?
00:44:08.000 Why does it matter?
00:44:09.000 Because if it's something that everybody does, I don't need to see a doctor, do I?
00:44:12.000 We're listening to anal rape jokes. 0.52
00:44:12.000 Get dressed. 0.52
00:44:15.000 And then this abomination.
00:44:17.000 Keep going.
00:44:20.000 Oh, God.
00:44:23.000 James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:44:25.000 Transcription by CastingWords James Corden is a sex comedian.
00:44:38.000 Comedian, comedian, comedian.
00:44:40.000 Comedian, comedian.
00:44:41.000 He's a sex.
00:44:42.000 That guy, you mean the sex comedian?
00:44:44.000 I'm going to start calling people sex comedians.
00:44:48.000 The New York Post is fun today.
00:44:50.000 Epstein's news.
00:44:55.000 We see his dead body there with the ropes and everything.
00:45:01.000 They show this and say it was four feet high.
00:45:03.000 I don't know.
00:45:04.000 I think this is maybe the authorities' way of saying he wasn't murdered.
00:45:12.000 I can't figure out.
00:45:13.000 All I know is Alex Jones is right and there's some weird shit going on in America.
00:45:17.000 What I can't figure out is who's in control and what their motives are.
00:45:23.000 Like it's clear that elites paid for Jeffrey Epstein to be killed.
00:45:27.000 Why is the prison giving these pictures to 60 minutes and showing his final note, which is wrote that one guard kept me in a locked shower for an hour.
00:45:45.000 Noel, the guard, sent me burnt food, giants, bugs crawling over my hands.
00:45:53.000 No fun.
00:45:53.000 That's not a suicide note.
00:45:56.000 That's someone complaining about shitty treatment.
00:45:59.000 Where'd they get the giant bugs?
00:46:02.000 What is this, Papillon?
00:46:06.000 So I don't understand why the prison is trying to cover this up.
00:46:10.000 Maybe they're embarrassed.
00:46:12.000 Maybe they're scared of getting sued.
00:46:15.000 But we all know something fishy is going on.
00:46:18.000 And speaking of something fishy, what's going on with the Rants?
00:46:21.000 So Tucker's really pissed off that Trump bombed someone because he's a paleo-conservative and he's an isolationist, isolationist, and so am I. But I'm willing to let this one go.
00:46:33.000 My wife and I had a fight about it. 0.99
00:46:34.000 She's like, you Trump people.
00:46:36.000 You let him get away with murder.
00:46:37.000 He could literally murder someone on 54th Street.
00:46:40.000 And I go, honey, we need to show some force.
00:46:44.000 I don't want our boys going in there.
00:46:45.000 I don't want another Vietnam. 1.00
00:46:46.000 And if that happens, I'll be pissed off, obviously.
00:46:49.000 But he's already done this.
00:46:51.000 Remember Syria?
00:46:52.000 So Obama drew a line in the sand and he said, if you use chemical weapons again, you're dead.
00:46:58.000 And so they used them again.
00:46:59.000 And he went, oh, poof, boo.
00:47:04.000 Another time.
00:47:05.000 And you're really dead.
00:47:07.000 I'm going to let this one slide.
00:47:08.000 Actually, here's a pallet of cash.
00:47:10.000 No, that was Iran.
00:47:11.000 Daddy gave it pallet of cash too.
00:47:13.000 But Trump said the same thing.
00:47:16.000 Don't use chemical weapons.
00:47:17.000 Syria, they appeared to be using chemical weapons.
00:47:20.000 And it doesn't really matter if they were or not.
00:47:22.000 The point is the global perception was they were.
00:47:24.000 And everyone looked to America for strength.
00:47:26.000 And what did he do?
00:47:28.000 Mother of all bombs.
00:47:28.000 He blew it up.
00:47:31.000 Do I have that in the notes?
00:47:32.000 It's a Syria. 0.99
00:47:33.000 The bombing of Syria?
00:47:35.000 Shoot.
00:47:37.000 I don't think I have it.
00:47:38.000 Like the plane he blew up.
00:47:38.000 Oh, yeah.
00:47:42.000 Sorry, I forgot to number these.
00:47:43.000 It's been 17 days we've been in here.
00:47:43.000 It's been a while.
00:47:47.000 17 days of banked shows.
00:47:49.000 We're going to be a little rusty.
00:47:51.000 I'm sorry.
00:47:51.000 I forgot to number my links.
00:47:55.000 Yeah, remember this?
00:47:56.000 59 Tomahawk missiles blew up a plane.
00:47:59.000 I don't even, I think he may have told the airport in advance, hey, I'm going to be blowing up some shit.
00:48:03.000 You probably want to get out of there.
00:48:05.000 So we just had a show, and it showed the world that my line in the sand is an actual line in the sand.
00:48:12.000 It's not Obama's line in the sand.
00:48:14.000 Similarly, Obama had Benghazi, where the U.S. Embassy was attacked.
00:48:18.000 What did we do?
00:48:21.000 I talked to Terry Shepherd.
00:48:23.000 I talked to guys in the military.
00:48:24.000 They said they were sitting there dying.
00:48:26.000 We have troops stationed in southern Italy.
00:48:29.000 We could have been down there in seconds.
00:48:32.000 Nope.
00:48:33.000 Hillary said no.
00:48:35.000 What, surname Lamb?
00:48:36.000 Charlene Lamb?
00:48:37.000 No, don't worry about it.
00:48:38.000 We'll be fine.
00:48:39.000 So we showed the world that we're pussies. 0.51
00:48:41.000 You can attack our embassy.
00:48:42.000 They attack our embassy in Iran, and Trump blows them up.
00:48:46.000 He blows them up good.
00:48:49.000 I thought this was funny too.
00:48:50.000 Some of the reactions.
00:48:51.000 Of course, the left is freaking out, but the right is taking it in stride.
00:48:55.000 Scott Greer pulled up an old post where it said Iran wants us to worry about white supremacy.
00:49:03.000 That should be our first priority.
00:49:05.000 They murder gays. 1.00
00:49:06.000 Women are second-class citizens. 1.00
00:49:08.000 They live in a totalitarian regime with zero human rights.
00:49:11.000 And they tell us we have to worry about white supremacy.
00:49:15.000 And Scott Greer goes, never mind.
00:49:17.000 Iran is canceled.
00:49:20.000 Conversely, we have Rose McGowan, who would like to formally apologize.
00:49:26.000 Rose McGowan never had a career.
00:49:29.000 She was in like what?
00:49:30.000 Charmed.
00:49:31.000 Charmed.
00:49:32.000 A show no one watched.
00:49:34.000 My ex did, but yeah.
00:49:36.000 Charmed?
00:49:37.000 It was painful to watch.
00:49:38.000 It was like a witch show for little girls. 0.87
00:49:40.000 It was a babysitter show.
00:49:41.000 It was very bad.
00:49:42.000 It didn't have an impact on CGI.
00:49:44.000 The CGI sucked. 0.91
00:49:45.000 It just all sucked.
00:49:46.000 So what's...
00:49:50.000 I did.
00:49:51.000 Yeah.
00:49:51.000 We only had one TV.
00:49:55.000 I don't know.
00:49:56.000 I just like, I would smoke and then do my own thing, but I'd get into it sometimes.
00:50:02.000 So you were a Charmed fan.
00:50:03.000 No, no.
00:50:04.000 No, I just now thought of it, like how much of that show I've watched.
00:50:08.000 What are their names?
00:50:10.000 Paige.
00:50:12.000 Paige is one of them.
00:50:13.000 That's my least favorite one because she's like a resting bitch face. 1.00
00:50:17.000 Paige.
00:50:18.000 Favorite one.
00:50:19.000 She's a total bitch. 1.00
00:50:20.000 I don't remember.
00:50:21.000 Ryan doesn't like Paige.
00:50:22.000 She's awful.
00:50:23.000 Press play on that video.
00:50:25.000 What is it?
00:50:25.000 Just a flapping flag?
00:50:26.000 Yeah.
00:50:26.000 With emojis on it?
00:50:28.000 Yeah, a lion emoji and a sun emoji.
00:50:30.000 What the fuck does that mean?
00:50:32.000 I don't know.
00:50:33.000 What the fuck does that mean?
00:50:34.000 Isn't that a backwards flag, too?
00:50:36.000 Isn't that the Mexican flag?
00:50:38.000 Dear Iran, the USA has disrespected your country, your flag, your people.
00:50:44.000 52% of us humbly apologize.
00:50:46.000 We want peace with your nation.
00:50:48.000 We are being held hostage by a terrorist regime.
00:50:53.000 Jaw-dropping.
00:50:54.000 We do not know how to escape.
00:50:55.000 Please do not kill us, Soliamani.
00:50:59.000 Hell of a funeral, though.
00:51:01.000 Did you see the funeral?
00:51:03.000 Holy Toledo.
00:51:05.000 It was millions and millions of people.
00:51:08.000 It was like five miles of road just full of people like ants.
00:51:14.000 Sounds like a great target.
00:51:15.000 JK.
00:51:17.000 That's terrible.
00:51:17.000 What did the New York Post say?
00:51:19.000 Oh, yeah, they flew his body back in coach.
00:51:22.000 That's in my links.
00:51:23.000 No way.
00:51:24.000 Yeah, it looks like it's in a Tupperware container, just like on seat 32C.
00:51:28.000 Not even a window seat.
00:51:31.000 It's in one of those shitty middle aisle seats.
00:51:37.000 There we go.
00:51:38.000 Oh, my God.
00:51:39.000 There he is.
00:51:41.000 At least there's a flag on it.
00:51:42.000 It's in a suitcase?
00:51:44.000 I wish we had a better look at that container.
00:51:45.000 Yeah, that is not a carry-on item.
00:51:49.000 So anyway, here's something I want to bring up.
00:51:51.000 I know you don't come to me for news, but occasionally I discover something no one else did.
00:51:51.000 Here's my scoop.
00:51:58.000 So the post the other day Said he blew up, and you can tell it's his body because of the ring.
00:52:05.000 I sent you this as a separate pic.
00:52:08.000 And so you see the picture, you see him with the ring going blah, blah, blah.
00:52:12.000 Right.
00:52:12.000 So I see that ruby ring.
00:52:15.000 Rubies are fucking cheap. 0.79
00:52:16.000 Stupid tacky rings.
00:52:18.000 That's on his left hand, right?
00:52:20.000 And then the hand we see.
00:52:23.000 Is that a left hand?
00:52:24.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:52:25.000 Yeah.
00:52:26.000 So you go, ruby ring on hand, ruby ring on ground.
00:52:30.000 That's his body.
00:52:31.000 Got it.
00:52:33.000 The rings aren't even close to the same.
00:52:36.000 Oh, yeah.
00:52:36.000 We're so lazy that whoever is scamming us doesn't have to try.
00:52:41.000 But I sent you this as separate pictures.
00:52:45.000 When you look at the rings next to each other, you realize they're drastically different.
00:52:53.000 Well, that one has spikes.
00:52:54.000 Can you show both of those at the same time?
00:52:57.000 Look, one of them has spikes that go up and hold the ruby in. 0.99
00:53:01.000 The other is totally flat.
00:53:03.000 And this is maybe not the best picture, but the base of the ring, the thing that connects the ring part to the crown that holds it, on one of them, it has these sort of vertical lines that point down.
00:53:18.000 And the other one, the lines are horizontal.
00:53:21.000 Look at that.
00:53:22.000 Oh, yeah.
00:53:23.000 That's not the same fucking ring.
00:53:25.000 It's not even close.
00:53:26.000 Hmm.
00:53:27.000 So what does this mean?
00:53:29.000 Does this mean that that's not his body?
00:53:32.000 Does this mean someone put a ruby ring on another dead body and hoped we wouldn't notice it's not the same ring?
00:53:39.000 Is he known for rings?
00:53:41.000 Having two the same ring, similar rings, maybe?
00:53:44.000 I don't know.
00:53:48.000 All I know is Syria looked a hell of a lot like a show. 1.00
00:53:52.000 And as far as political moves go, I think killing this Solio Manny was a show.
00:53:59.000 And a show sure seems to link to that's not his ring and it's not his body.
00:54:05.000 But you lose me after that.
00:54:08.000 It's like the prison sending stuff to 60 Minutes.
00:54:10.000 Now, I could make up stories, but I don't fucking know.
00:54:17.000 I'm lost.
00:54:18.000 Why fake kill him?
00:54:20.000 Was it a deal with Iran?
00:54:22.000 You can't trust Iran. 1.00
00:54:24.000 This was the funeral.
00:54:26.000 Was it his body double?
00:54:27.000 Maybe we killed his body double, and that's why they're having a funeral for him.
00:54:32.000 But he's safe.
00:54:34.000 And we're so stupid, we just see the ring.
00:54:36.000 Is he cracking up?
00:54:38.000 No.
00:54:39.000 Yes.
00:54:41.000 See, that's another indication something fishy is going on.
00:54:44.000 There's people laughing at the funeral.
00:54:45.000 Look at him.
00:54:50.000 All right.
00:54:50.000 We should talk about it.
00:54:54.000 This is the tough part of the show, Ryan.
00:54:56.000 Oh, we can't hear you at all.
00:54:57.000 Where I like to correspond with the people who write us.
00:55:02.000 You know, I don't like the word fans.
00:55:05.000 The audience out there.
00:55:07.000 And see, kind of get a vibe for what they want.
00:55:09.000 Get a vibe for them.
00:55:10.000 You know, what's going on with them.
00:55:12.000 Jesus, the amount of mail we get is like 100 a day.
00:55:16.000 Oh, this is the mailbag.
00:55:19.000 Yes, it is.
00:55:20.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
00:55:24.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
00:55:30.000 Let me touch it.
00:55:31.000 By the way, I've heard we're down in subscribers.
00:55:34.000 Really?
00:55:35.000 We were at 13.2.
00:55:36.000 We went up to a peak of 15.5.
00:55:39.000 And now we're down to 14,000.
00:55:42.000 Now, apparently that's normal because people...
00:55:46.000 Subscribers, yep.
00:55:47.000 Oh.
00:55:47.000 People go, I can't afford this anymore.
00:55:51.000 It's normal to have these ups and downs.
00:55:53.000 See that at compound media all the time.
00:55:55.000 But I hope this ain't a pattern.
00:55:57.000 Don't worry, folks.
00:55:59.000 You got two new shows, Loomered and Jonathan Miranda.
00:56:02.000 We also have a new show coming with Copper Cab.
00:56:06.000 Oh.
00:56:09.000 Copper Cab's coming.
00:56:11.000 And a fourth surprise, which I'll wait till the deal is inked before I tell you about.
00:56:16.000 That's going to be a big one.
00:56:18.000 That last one could equal the content that I give you with Get Off My Lawn.
00:56:22.000 Now, if you're only here for Get Off My Lawn, no one's depriving you Get Off My Lawn.
00:56:26.000 Just imagine you're eating a meal and someone puts 70 other plates in front of you.
00:56:31.000 You can ignore them if you want.
00:56:32.000 They'll get eaten.
00:56:35.000 All right, you ready?
00:56:38.000 I'm starting with Thomas Moore.
00:56:40.000 Oops, I just said his name.
00:56:44.000 I'd like to make a formal complaint.
00:56:46.000 My complaint is that you introduced me to Mr. Jerry Cinnamon.
00:56:50.000 The Bonnie has taken over my life.
00:56:52.000 Well, that's not true.
00:56:53.000 Sometimes I listen to sometimes, 90 times in a row.
00:56:56.000 But other than that, nah.
00:57:00.000 I share your affliction.
00:57:03.000 Me too.
00:57:04.000 I am fucking so addicted to that guy that I have to stay away from it.
00:57:08.000 I was actually, I had a fever and I was bad tripping and I started to hear the Bonnie and sometimes in my head on a loop.
00:57:14.000 Like when I was a kid, I loved eggnog and I chugged a whole carton of it and now I can't look at eggnog.
00:57:20.000 I ruined eggnog for myself.
00:57:22.000 And I'm worried I'm ruining Jerry Cinnamon for myself.
00:57:26.000 This sounds like the entire ski trip.
00:57:30.000 We played it once.
00:57:31.000 Yeah, we banned it after a while.
00:57:34.000 I didn't listen to it skiing once.
00:57:36.000 No, I didn't.
00:57:36.000 I didn't.
00:57:39.000 In my head, I didn't.
00:57:41.000 Sometimes.
00:57:42.000 When life is a short time and no one knows when you go when you die, believe and build your body.
00:57:48.000 Build a bonfire back and hide.
00:57:52.000 With flames so, what does it say?
00:57:54.000 Beg they can touch the sky.
00:57:58.000 It was a fire so bright that the flames lit up the sky.
00:58:02.000 Holy shit, that was the worst.
00:58:04.000 You do imitations?
00:58:06.000 It sounded like you're getting a colonoscopy.
00:58:07.000 No, you told me not to ever do a Scottish.
00:58:09.000 You spilled up the sky.
00:58:10.000 You told me not to ever do a Scottish, so I had to do it a different, totally different way.
00:58:14.000 Sounded like Boris Karloff.
00:58:16.000 All right, this is from Brody.
00:58:18.000 Salutations, G-Dog, your boy from Texas again.
00:58:21.000 Yo, what's up?
00:58:22.000 Hello.
00:58:23.000 You attempted to smooch me at Milo's show when you were shit canned.
00:58:27.000 Some of these I should probably read before.
00:58:30.000 I'm not sure they should be read live.
00:58:32.000 Maybe before we put this up, we could take out that part.
00:58:36.000 Well, damn.
00:58:37.000 Obviously, you're joking.
00:58:40.000 I'm not a sex comedian.
00:58:42.000 Yeah.
00:58:43.000 When is censored TV going to be available on smart TV?
00:58:45.000 My wife and I are ready.
00:58:46.000 Keep up the good work.
00:58:48.000 What does that mean?
00:58:49.000 My wife and I are ready.
00:58:50.000 I'm not a boomer.
00:58:51.000 Technically, I'm Generation X, but I'm pretty boomy when it comes to technology.
00:58:55.000 What's smart TV?
00:58:57.000 Like Apple TV, Roku, you know, something like that.
00:58:59.000 Is that on Roku?
00:59:00.000 The Google Chromes?
00:59:03.000 I'll find out.
00:59:06.000 Ben, this is from Ben.
00:59:08.000 So, Colin Kaepernick said something about how we are killing all brown people overseas.
00:59:13.000 Oh, yeah, he said that about this Iranian dude.
00:59:16.000 He said, this is just yet another example of us killing black and brown people.
00:59:22.000 Fucking guy was abandoned, left on the street by black people. 1.00
00:59:26.000 White people picked him up, raised him, helped him get an NFL scholarship, and sorry, scholarships, and then into the NFL. 0.74
00:59:34.000 And his first take on everything is fucking white people, man.
00:59:38.000 I want to do a whole thing tomorrow on black failure, white guilt, because it's amazing how determined everyone is to crowbar everything into white racism, including all these black people attacking Jews in New York. 0.97
00:59:51.000 They learned it from watching us.
00:59:53.000 Because you know how we like to stab people, stab Jews. 1.00
00:59:59.000 I made a comment saying, you were right, let's kill the whites. 1.00
01:00:02.000 Now I am deplatformed as well.
01:00:04.000 I thought it was funny, but they don't know sarcasm.
01:00:06.000 See, that's the problem with all this censorship is you start killing jokes.
01:00:10.000 Ryan just farted at anyone right now.
01:00:12.000 I moved my chair.
01:00:12.000 No, I did not.
01:00:14.000 Here, this one, last letter here, this is from Paul.
01:00:17.000 Dear Mr. McInnes, I'd like to interview you on my new U.S. podcast, The Politics People.
01:00:25.000 Dale Beaumont.
01:00:28.000 Gavin, you're a funny guy.
01:00:29.000 Edit that one out to you.
01:00:31.000 What?
01:00:31.000 Should I edit that one out too?
01:00:33.000 No.
01:00:34.000 I was joking about editing the previous thing out.
01:00:37.000 Oh, okay.
01:00:38.000 What?
01:00:39.000 What do you mean?
01:00:41.000 What do you think I'm gay?
01:00:43.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, the full name before.
01:00:47.000 Oh, yeah, that's fine.
01:00:49.000 I mean, I don't like to get into a habit, but this guy in the thing said he was a janitor.
01:00:53.000 I don't think they're going to try to get him fired for sending a letter to a show.
01:00:58.000 That's the world we're living in.
01:00:59.000 You know, Max Hare's girlfriend is getting harassed by Antifa and her parents and the place where she, like the nail salon she works at.
01:01:08.000 This is just a girl who was dating Max on and off before he went to prison.
01:01:12.000 You know what we should do tomorrow is put up a big thing of how to write to Max and John.
01:01:17.000 Because when you're in prison, getting a letter is like Christmas.
01:01:20.000 No matter how boring it is.
01:01:22.000 Hey, man.
01:01:23.000 I was just thinking the other day, this is a letter I wrote to Tommy Robinson.
01:01:27.000 It's weird how you go to a fair and they have the best fries in the world, right?
01:01:31.000 Those hand-cut fries.
01:01:32.000 Then you go to a fancy steakhouse and they have shitty frozen fries.
01:01:37.000 They like that kind of shit.
01:01:40.000 Just like, it's better than nothing.
01:01:43.000 It'd be fun to hang out and shoot the shit, whatever.
01:01:45.000 Going down memory lane, making fun of stupid people is a great sport, but after a few months, it really gets old.
01:01:51.000 There are serious things happening in the world and there is a war on truth.
01:01:54.000 We have one perverted ass to escape into. 1.00
01:01:57.000 Stern, I don't need another.
01:01:59.000 What?
01:02:00.000 No, I'm not saying you should turn into a serious news site, but lately you are unfocused and it seems you were just mailing it in.
01:02:06.000 Please develop some sort of structure to your shows.
01:02:09.000 Your free speech, easy shows are epic.
01:02:12.000 Okay, Milo is gay.
01:02:13.000 Can we just move on?
01:02:14.000 He's turning into the Will and Grace show.
01:02:16.000 Milo is brilliant, but he's all over the place.
01:02:18.000 Perhaps I'm in the wrong place, but I have been a fan since 11 TV days.
01:02:21.000 Ooh, what was that last year?
01:02:25.000 Something has changed.
01:02:26.000 I like you better than a friend, and I want you to succeed and be bigger than the blaze.
01:02:29.000 I just need a little more focus.
01:02:31.000 This is when you tell me to get fucked. 0.95
01:02:34.000 That is, if you got that far.
01:02:36.000 I don't know.
01:02:37.000 I thought this show was pretty focused.
01:02:39.000 And I'm getting sick of politics.
01:02:42.000 I mean, I'll talk about Iran.
01:02:43.000 I'll talk about whatever's in the front few pages of the post.
01:02:46.000 But I like talking about the Golden Globes and stupid shit.
01:02:48.000 Me too.
01:02:49.000 And yeah, if making fun of my friends in the past, I don't really recall doing that, but a lot of these shows you saw for the past 17 days were pre-taped.
01:02:57.000 And we recorded like three a day for a week.
01:02:59.000 Yeah, I guess they sucked.
01:03:02.000 Thanks a lot, jerk.
01:03:04.000 All right, we're out of time.
01:03:06.000 Now, I want to end with this final video.
01:03:09.000 When I'm at the gym, as I was this morning, by the way, you can work out, you can do 15 rounds on heavy bag, double-ended bag, all that stuff.
01:03:18.000 Headhunter is the new bag we have at the gym.
01:03:20.000 It's like a little water bag that's at head height.
01:03:23.000 And you get a pretty good workout.
01:03:25.000 It's not even in the same universe as sparring.
01:03:28.000 Sparring is, it's like jerking off compared to sex.
01:03:33.000 And if you just sparred for three rounds a day, I would argue you are a better boxer and in better shape than someone who works out for an hour and a half a day as I do.
01:03:46.000 But anyway, while I'm boxing sometimes, if I'm getting bored towards the end, I'll sort of hit the heavy bag like boom and then just stand there.
01:03:55.000 And I thought, how come I've never seen that in boxing ever?
01:03:58.000 Because every knockout punch they do, they go boom, and then they're poised and ready.
01:04:04.000 But what if you were so confident that this was going to be a knockout punch that you just went and fucking boom and then just turned around and walked away?
01:04:12.000 Wouldn't that be awesome?
01:04:14.000 No, not in wrestling, in real boxing.
01:04:17.000 Just a guy who delivered to the last punch and then didn't even come back.
01:04:20.000 Was just like, fucking, that's how it goes.
01:04:25.000 And just walked away, like in the movies, when they blow up a thing and they walk away.
01:04:28.000 Anyway, I found what I was looking for.
01:04:30.000 It's not in the boxing gym.
01:04:32.000 It's in a cafeteria where the guy is so confident that this is going to be beautiful, a knockout backhanded slap, that he licks his finger first just to sort of moisturize it and then delivers it and walks away.
01:04:45.000 This is the most perfect backhand.
01:04:48.000 No, the most perfect chop.
01:04:51.000 No, what is it?
01:04:52.000 The most perfect physical assault I've ever seen.
01:04:55.000 You kind of have to see that 600 times.
01:05:11.000 *Pffft*
01:05:15.000 Let's break his back.
01:05:18.000 Look at the way he walks, too.
01:05:21.000 This is going to be a winner.
01:05:22.000 He walks like Dr. Gonzo in fear and loathing.
01:05:26.000 Slap and whack. 1.00
01:05:28.000 Look at his other little hand, too.
01:05:30.000 The guy's dead.
01:05:31.000 And whoop-ba-da. 0.99
01:05:35.000 The fall really is gratifying, huh?
01:05:37.000 Like, you're so short.
01:05:38.000 Excuse me, I got this.
01:05:39.000 Wow.
01:05:40.000 Look at his other hand.
01:05:42.000 Let me see his other hand.
01:05:43.000 It kind of like just flips up.
01:05:47.000 Right there.
01:05:48.000 Oh, yeah.
01:05:48.000 I didn't notice that before.
01:05:50.000 Just in case he needs another one.
01:05:53.000 You know what that's from?
01:05:54.000 That's got to be the Ric Flair.
01:05:56.000 The Ric Flair chop?
01:06:00.000 Woo! 0.99
01:06:02.000 Oh, shit, he's doing a Ric Flair chop.
01:06:04.000 That's awesome.
01:06:05.000 Yep.
01:06:05.000 Not that I condone adults watching wrestling.
01:06:08.000 Of course not.
01:06:08.000 Sam Roberts.
01:06:11.000 Sam Roberts here.