Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 06, 2020


S02E146 - NEW RULES [2020-04-06 - S02E146 - NEW RULES]


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 7 minutes

Words per minute

159.17455

Word count

10,670

Sentence count

1,097

Harmful content

Misogyny

87

sentences flagged

Hate speech

64

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Kevin and Ryan are back in the Fag Zone, and it's not as bad as you might expect. They talk about the pandemic that is pandemicizing the internet, and how to deal with it. They also talk about how they're going to get Milo back on the air, and why they don't want him back.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:21.000 Okay, let's start the show.
00:00:38.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Yawn with Kevin McKinnon.
00:00:46.000 You can go to shelving.
00:00:56.000 Make shelving happen behind me quickly.
00:01:00.000 Nope, that's black. 1.00
00:01:02.000 Shelving, make the shelving. 1.00
00:01:04.000 Yes, good.
00:01:06.000 Only difference between normal shows and this Ryan's shitty apartment called the Fag Zone is that I'm in front of my desk and not behind my desk. 0.98
00:01:17.000 That's the only difference.
00:01:19.000 We don't even really need that desk when we go back.
00:01:23.000 We could do the whole show in green screen, right?
00:01:26.000 Show yourself.
00:01:28.000 Show yourself.
00:01:32.000 Wait, what's Ryan doing now?
00:01:34.000 Showing myself.
00:01:37.000 You may have noticed that I'm here.
00:01:39.000 And not only do I feel that I have the right to brag about our show not really being worse despite this pandemic, especially when juxtaposed with Samantha B, Seth Meyers, and all these other fucking talentless losers.
00:01:58.000 Samantha B can't chop wood. 1.00
00:02:01.000 That's your joke?
00:02:02.000 Hey, Samantha, you want to know how to do that joke?
00:02:05.000 Instead of taking seven minutes to chop the wood, just do it like twice and fail and then move on to the next thing and fail at like a dozen survivalist things that you're not good at.
00:02:18.000 And that would be funny because we'd see you with a straight face conveying all this information that was legit, but doing a bad job at it in real life.
00:02:26.000 That's how you do a fucking joke, you retard. 1.00
00:02:29.000 Speaking of retarded jokes, Milo said I was canceled and convinced my tech guy to remove all my shows.
00:02:39.000 I got to admit, when I woke up Saturday morning, I was pissed.
00:02:45.000 And I didn't like that he went above my head.
00:02:47.000 I'm the boss of censored.tv.
00:02:50.000 There's no Wizard of Oz behind the curtains.
00:02:52.000 I run the show.
00:02:54.000 So to play a prank on me, you have to go above and beyond the Call of Duty.
00:03:00.000 You have to go, it's like playing a prank on the president.
00:03:03.000 So as president, you'd be in the White House going, wait, you switched the Oval Office all around without my permission?
00:03:09.000 Who let you do that?
00:03:11.000 So that was what I initially said.
00:03:13.000 And I also pointed out to the tech guy who allowed this and to Milo himself, it's a David Brent joke.
00:03:23.000 Saying you're fired as a joke is one of the least funny things you can do.
00:03:27.000 It's just a waste of time.
00:03:29.000 There's some pranks where you hear them and you go, you're just wasting people's time.
00:03:33.000 Like when I listen to prank calls and they call some pizza place and the guy's like, hey, can you put triple pepperonis on this, but no cheese or whatever?
00:03:44.000 And the guy's like, well, we don't make that kind of pizza.
00:03:47.000 And I'm listening going, he's a hard-working dude at a shitty job.
00:03:50.000 Fucking stop wasting his time.
00:03:53.000 So we have to figure out a way to get Milo back.
00:03:58.000 But see, that's the problem.
00:04:00.000 Like, do I, why is it taking you so fucking long to get yourself on the screen?
00:04:05.000 And why are you primping and preening your hair like a homo in the fag zone? 1.00
00:04:10.000 Well, I'm ready, but I have no reason to show myself quite yet.
00:04:13.000 I haven't said anything.
00:04:15.000 Well, show yourself.
00:04:17.000 People want to see that you exist.
00:04:20.000 All right.
00:04:21.000 Coming live from the fag zone. 1.00
00:04:22.000 Here we go.
00:04:27.000 Happy.
00:04:29.000 Nice nose.
00:04:30.000 What's that supposed to be?
00:04:32.000 It's wider than it is like.
00:04:34.000 It's a chode. 0.92
00:04:36.000 It looks like a dode.
00:04:37.000 It's a chenose.
00:04:39.000 It's a doad.
00:04:42.000 It looks like some sort of exotic fruit that no one's ever eaten.
00:04:46.000 I look like an exotic fruit.
00:04:49.000 Joe exotic fruits.
00:04:52.000 Come down, get some peaches. 1.00
00:04:53.000 So yeah, like what do I do?
00:04:54.000 I get his husband in on it.
00:04:56.000 His husband's just going to tell me to fuck off.
00:04:58.000 Or he'll double cross me and tell Milo that him and that we're planning something.
00:05:03.000 But I'll figure something out.
00:05:04.000 Don't worry.
00:05:04.000 I'll get him back.
00:05:06.000 And then by Saturday night, I was like, bah, all right, that's funny.
00:05:10.000 And everyone kept saying, you lost subscribers.
00:05:13.000 I didn't lose one subscriber.
00:05:14.000 We gained like one.
00:05:16.000 So there was just a normal day at sensor.tv.
00:05:21.000 I know that people figured a way to hack the unsubscribe button because we took it down, or they took it down, I should say.
00:05:27.000 But yes, they did discover a way to unsubscribe, but no one unsubscribed.
00:05:31.000 So whatever.
00:05:33.000 Got more traffic, got people caring.
00:05:34.000 I had to answer like a million fucking texts.
00:05:41.000 So today is kind of a serious show after dealing with that.
00:05:47.000 I wanted to talk about the pandemic, how things have changed, how we should change.
00:05:53.000 And I know I said I don't talk about the coronavirus, but I've just got too many people saying, where do we go from here, Gav?
00:06:02.000 And so I would be remiss if I didn't say some important things I think that have to change and some important things that have changed and how we can fight this going forward.
00:06:14.000 So I composed a little list here of some things.
00:06:19.000 And I could have numbered them, I guess.
00:06:22.000 Maybe.
00:06:23.000 But anyway, here we go.
00:06:25.000 Ready?
00:06:26.000 The number one thing that we have to keep In the forefront of our minds, and it has to remain a defining part of our culture in America, is free speech.
00:06:38.000 That is our greatest weapon in fighting all this.
00:06:41.000 I saw today Chelsea Handler was talking about we shouldn't allow Trump to do these briefings because they're dangerous.
00:06:48.000 There was some DNC staffer who, a Democratic congresswoman, who said she's been to The Hague to discuss war crimes because Trump has killed millions of people with his bad hydrocoraclean information.
00:07:06.000 I guess she was still believing that woman who murdered her husband with the fish cleaner, and she's still convinced that's Trump.
00:07:14.000 What a fucking idiot.
00:07:16.000 Anyway, no, we don't need less information.
00:07:20.000 We don't need less conspiracy theories.
00:07:22.000 We need more.
00:07:24.000 That's how we survive as human beings.
00:07:26.000 It's conveying information to each other.
00:07:28.000 So number one, free speech.
00:07:31.000 Number two, guns.
00:07:35.000 We need more guns.
00:07:39.000 The Trump administration said it's an essential thing.
00:07:41.000 People are stocking up on ammunition.
00:07:43.000 I am very naive when it comes to guns.
00:07:46.000 I was pretty shocked that 300,000 is a normal number for rounds of ammunition.
00:07:52.000 It seems like enough to retire on, but okay.
00:07:56.000 But yeah, we need more guns in our culture. 0.94
00:07:59.000 And as people, this is the third one, we need to get healthier.
00:08:06.000 You know, they say, they'll show you someone who died who had no pre-existing conditions.
00:08:10.000 And you look at the picture of this woman.
00:08:11.000 She's an obese, fat pig. 1.00
00:08:14.000 Stop being fat.
00:08:16.000 Hey, fat sos out there, my friends. 0.99
00:08:19.000 All you have to do is burn more calories than you take in.
00:08:21.000 Don't want to go to the gym?
00:08:23.000 Okay, eat less.
00:08:25.000 Stop stuffing your fucking face.
00:08:28.000 You're not healthy.
00:08:29.000 This virus is attacking unhealthy people.
00:08:33.000 I don't want to see any more fat people anywhere hanging around.
00:08:38.000 Get out of my face. 0.99
00:08:39.000 No more fat positivity.
00:08:41.000 No more Lizzo is rocking.
00:08:44.000 Lizzo is dying.
00:08:46.000 She's a fucking fat pig. 1.00
00:08:47.000 And in a world of pandemics, we have to stay healthy.
00:08:55.000 So that means working out.
00:08:56.000 Now, right now, we're working out from home.
00:08:59.000 Some of us are lazier than others.
00:09:01.000 That includes me.
00:09:02.000 But generally, once we get rolling again, you got to get to the gym.
00:09:05.000 You got to lift weights.
00:09:07.000 Pay a trainer if you can afford it.
00:09:09.000 I know it seems like a lot of money.
00:09:11.000 My guy is 20 bucks a sesh, which is twice what it was last year.
00:09:15.000 And that really pissed me off.
00:09:16.000 But I ended up going back to him because I don't know.
00:09:18.000 Something about going to a trainer, it takes the monotony out of it.
00:09:21.000 And you don't have to do it every time.
00:09:22.000 I would box three days a week and have the trainer two days a week.
00:09:27.000 It just mixes it up.
00:09:28.000 And yeah, you get more ripped.
00:09:31.000 So stop being a fat pig.
00:09:33.000 No more lizzos.
00:09:34.000 Education.
00:09:38.000 That's changed drastically.
00:09:39.000 We've realized that schools are useless.
00:09:41.000 We've realized that these kids can learn all they need to learn from like 9.30 to noon.
00:09:47.000 After that, let's let them go.
00:09:48.000 Go play.
00:09:49.000 Let's stop sending our kids to public schools. 0.88
00:09:52.000 School them at home.
00:09:53.000 They can learn on their computers.
00:09:55.000 Half of the shit, too.
00:09:56.000 Like my daughter's doing this math.
00:09:58.000 And when she gets the question right, it says yes and it moves to the next one.
00:10:02.000 If she gets it wrong, it says nope.
00:10:04.000 Try again.
00:10:05.000 That's a fucking computer program.
00:10:07.000 Teachers have been replaced.
00:10:08.000 And it's funny seeing them send all these messages to my kids like, we miss you so much.
00:10:13.000 Hey, we wrote a song.
00:10:14.000 Here's a poem.
00:10:15.000 We know that you miss us too.
00:10:17.000 No, you're redundant.
00:10:19.000 We just realized it.
00:10:20.000 We didn't know until you were forced to go on strike.
00:10:23.000 Maybe that's why teachers don't really strike because people will come up with a substitute.
00:10:27.000 That reminds me of that theory we had the other day, Ryan, where we said, maybe these talk show hosts are doing such a shitty job on purpose because they're trying to justify their inflated budgets.
00:10:38.000 And they're scared if they do something like this with the good quality audio and a green screen, then their bosses will say, let's pare down the studio and fire some people.
00:10:48.000 Speak in.
00:10:51.000 So I think we've learned from this being in hiding that we don't have to continue schooling the way we used to.
00:11:01.000 And I guarantee you, our children will learn more from 9.30 to noon than they learned from 9 to 3.20 in public schools.
00:11:10.000 And they're not fucking playing.
00:11:12.000 My son's lunch hour is like half an hour.
00:11:15.000 I think he's outside for 20 minutes.
00:11:18.000 He used to, at this old school, he would, they play baseball and he'd set up this thing.
00:11:24.000 You're not allowed to have a real bat, but what they would do is they'd have these little plastic bats, wiffle bats, but they'd roll up newspaper like they're in prison, cut the top off, fill them full of newspaper, really densely wound newspaper, and then ductate the top back on.
00:11:40.000 And it was like a wood bat.
00:11:41.000 Anyway, that was the whole thing.
00:11:42.000 And I go, do you still do that at your new school?
00:11:44.000 And he goes, no, there's no time.
00:11:46.000 By the time we set up the game, it would be over.
00:11:49.000 Oh, great.
00:11:51.000 So education has to change.
00:11:55.000 A lot more playing, a lot less fucking around.
00:11:58.000 And I think we've also learned housewives.
00:12:01.000 Housewives are very important to our society. 1.00
00:12:05.000 We have these women that are leaving work. 1.00
00:12:08.000 They're realizing how much they hated their stupid, shitty jobs where they were just keeping some other man's appointments or handling a social media page.
00:12:15.000 And they're back with their kids, learning how much they love their kids and learning how fun it is to be a stay-at-home mom.
00:12:21.000 Everyone talks about how stressful it is to work from home.
00:12:25.000 That's just in the media.
00:12:27.000 I don't believe these people.
00:12:28.000 I think that moms are learning that teaching their kids, seeing more of their kids, being with their kids is a lot more fun than they thought it would be.
00:12:37.000 And I think as dads in a patriarchy, as a society, we're going, holy shit, my home is so much better with my wife there and not a nanny and an au pair and a maid and all these other sort of subcontractors.
00:12:50.000 We've subcontracted out the housewife. 0.93
00:12:52.000 And now that those little servants aren't coming back and the housewife is doing her job, we're realizing what an important job it is. 0.95
00:13:02.000 And that brings us to families, strong families.
00:13:06.000 We're learning now that we need strong families.
00:13:09.000 This pandemic has brought families together, and we've realized that strong families are the backbone of any society.
00:13:17.000 We've really got an anti-family culture going on in this country, and it's behind welfare.
00:13:26.000 Welfare shattered the black family. 0.99
00:13:28.000 I've talked about this a lot.
00:13:29.000 You incentivize this poor black woman to dump her baby daddy, so she does. 1.00
00:13:34.000 And then we have these teenagers with no discipline.
00:13:36.000 You know, the anti-Semitism that's going on in Brooklyn, it's going on in Crown Heights.
00:13:41.000 There's genuine anti-Semitism coming from Muslims and black Hebrew Israelites.
00:13:46.000 A lot of it is fear gentrification, but it's real anti-Semitism.
00:13:49.000 In Williamsburg, it's not.
00:13:50.000 In Williamsburg, they're attacking Hasids just because they're brats with no dad who have no discipline, and the Hasidic Jews don't fight back. 1.00
00:13:58.000 So I'm going to go hit the guy with the funny hat.
00:14:01.000 That's from welfare.
00:14:03.000 We shattered that family.
00:14:04.000 If that kid had a dad, then he wouldn't be going up and smashing Hasids in the head. 1.00
00:14:10.000 So we need strong families, and I think we've learned that.
00:14:14.000 No more welfare.
00:14:16.000 We need to bring the black family back together.
00:14:18.000 We need poor families back together.
00:14:20.000 We need more families.
00:14:21.000 If there's one message I could convey on this show, besides free speech and the Second Amendment, more American families, more Western families.
00:14:31.000 That's of all races, but with Western values.
00:14:36.000 Closing the borders.
00:14:38.000 We've also learned that nationalism isn't such a bad word.
00:14:43.000 If Trump was allowed his Iran travel ban, we never would have had a patient zero coming in here.
00:14:50.000 He's always told us that China is our enemy.
00:14:53.000 We ignored him.
00:14:53.000 I'm guilty of this too.
00:14:55.000 I'm realizing in this pandemic that I focused a disproportionate amount of my attention onto Islam and terrorism and the threat of Muslim population. 1.00
00:15:07.000 And though that is a threat, and we've seen it destroy Europe, it's a long way away from threatening us here.
00:15:12.000 The real bona fide viable threat is clearly communism.
00:15:16.000 This is a communist virus.
00:15:19.000 This is communist incompetence.
00:15:21.000 The government is too big in China and can't act in time because Chinese communist governments are more concerned with their image than actually saving human lives. 0.89
00:15:33.000 So when this started, they kept it under wraps because it makes them look bad.
00:15:37.000 By the way, we should talk about this another show, but the head of the World Health Organization is a communist terrorist retard who doesn't know anything. 0.99
00:15:46.000 He's not even a doctor.
00:15:47.000 He's a doctor of philosophy.
00:15:49.000 But because he's a communist terrorist, China made him the head of the World Health Organization.
00:15:54.000 And it's a perfect example of how incredibly powerful these fucking government boobs are. 1.00
00:16:01.000 So when we look at that big government in China, we should look at our own government and say, we need to shrink.
00:16:06.000 Big government is bad.
00:16:07.000 We need small government.
00:16:10.000 And that a big part of, sorry, not a big part of that, but a big part of our new learning process is nationalism.
00:16:19.000 We want strong borders.
00:16:20.000 We want an independent country.
00:16:22.000 If the government can handle anything, they should handle guarding our borders, security, military, police, that kind of thing.
00:16:28.000 We don't need them meddling with our kids' heads, brainwashing them with Marxist claptrap, like my daughter being shown a picture of a happy 50s housewife as some sort of horrible thing. 0.63
00:16:39.000 But yeah, we sounded nuts when we said close the borders now, and we don't sound so crazy anymore.
00:16:45.000 While we're on the subject, the drug war.
00:16:51.000 We can't be wasting our resources arresting people for cocaine.
00:16:54.000 We need our cops handling important things.
00:16:57.000 Let's just stop throwing guys in jail for selling pills, okay?
00:17:01.000 Everyone is on drugs.
00:17:03.000 Every student is on Adderall.
00:17:05.000 That's meth.
00:17:06.000 That's methamphetamine.
00:17:08.000 Why are some guys going to jail for meth and other kids getting straight A's because they're on it?
00:17:14.000 It doesn't make any sense.
00:17:15.000 And they say, well, you can't legalize heroin.
00:17:18.000 We did.
00:17:18.000 It's called OxyContin.
00:17:20.000 I don't think a chemist could differentiate between oxycontin and heroin.
00:17:24.000 I think it's exactly the same thing.
00:17:27.000 So fuck the drug wars.
00:17:29.000 And that brings us to my next point, the prisons.
00:17:30.000 These are giant petri dishes.
00:17:32.000 And of course, rapists, pedophiles, we just kill pedophiles.
00:17:35.000 Murderers, they've got to be, they can't be in with society.
00:17:38.000 But I talk to prisoners on a daily basis and I say, what percentage of the people in there do you think deserve to be there that are incompatible with society?
00:17:46.000 And they always say 5%.
00:17:48.000 The rest are all bullshit domestic charges and bullshit drug charges.
00:17:53.000 I think basically everyone in prison is somehow tangentially linked to drugs, whether it's a TERF war, whether the murder was about drugs.
00:18:01.000 There's very, very few people that are like, I'm a bad guy.
00:18:07.000 So we're going to get rid of prison.
00:18:09.000 And we also, while we're rebuilding this economy, we need to respect entrepreneurs because these are the guys that are going to rebuild this.
00:18:16.000 And we have to get away from this anti-business mentality.
00:18:20.000 I remember seeing a 60 Minutes about Groupon, and the angle was very snarky.
00:18:27.000 And they said, you know, you're known as being sort of ADHD, almost autistic.
00:18:34.000 And that sometimes freaks people out.
00:18:36.000 Like, this guy came up with a great business plan.
00:18:39.000 He's created thousands of jobs.
00:18:41.000 And 60 Minutes angle is that he's kind of awkward socially.
00:18:46.000 60 Minutes summarizes a lot of the problems that I'm listing here and the things that we need solutions to.
00:18:51.000 And one thing we need to change drastically about our behavior is the lack of veneration of entrepreneurs.
00:18:58.000 I also...
00:19:03.000 Thank you.
00:19:06.000 Another example of why we should abolish the government, too, is this whole pandemic, the reaction to it is ridiculous.
00:19:15.000 It's insane.
00:19:16.000 You know what happened with swine flu?
00:19:19.000 We had between 41 million and 84 million.
00:19:23.000 All right, let's just say about 60 million cases in 2009.
00:19:30.000 The agency said usually the CDC goes with a middle number, which posts about 60 million people infected.
00:19:35.000 Okay, so this is between, this is from April 2009 to January 2010.
00:19:41.000 We had 57 million people infected.
00:19:45.000 And then during that time, about 12,000 people died from H1N1.
00:19:51.000 So that's, and then about 1,000 children died.
00:19:55.000 I'm not reading that very well because it's way too wordy.
00:19:58.000 They tell you the range and then they pick a middle number.
00:20:00.000 So one year, 17,000 in U.S. dead.
00:20:04.000 No lockdowns, no nothing.
00:20:06.000 The problem with the government is exact same as the problem in China.
00:20:09.000 No one wants to stick their neck out and be embarrassed and hurt their career.
00:20:12.000 So everyone hides until the last second.
00:20:15.000 We should not be locked in our homes.
00:20:17.000 This is fucking ridiculous.
00:20:19.000 And it's another example why the government is bad news.
00:20:25.000 Another thing we need to watch out for now is feminism. 1.00
00:20:31.000 I think going forward, we've learned the power of the housewife. 0.96
00:20:34.000 We've learned how great it is when women stay at home. 1.00
00:20:36.000 We've learned how superfluous they are in the workforce and how incompetent many of them are, like the woman who went to The Hague to accuse Trump of war crimes.
00:20:46.000 But I think feminism is very dangerous for this pandemic, and it could lead to more deaths. 1.00
00:20:54.000 I mean, look at these people.
00:20:57.000 Hard, hard, hard every day to move it forward, and we don't want to go backwards.
00:21:01.000 We're not going to go backwards.
00:21:02.000 I'm actually not that cold for a while.
00:21:03.000 First of all, just pause.
00:21:04.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
00:21:06.000 We want to move forward and not go back?
00:21:08.000 You mean you don't want to lose the vote?
00:21:10.000 Does that mean she doesn't want Roe v.
00:21:12.000 Wade overturned?
00:21:14.000 And we don't want to go backwards.
00:21:15.000 We're not going to go backwards.
00:21:16.000 What the fuck this guy is?
00:21:17.000 My anger is keeping me warm.
00:21:21.000 Look at her brainwashing her kid. 1.00
00:21:23.000 See, this is not good in a pandemic.
00:21:25.000 This is not good behavior.
00:21:27.000 This has to end.
00:21:28.000 Feminism is not invited to post-pandemic America. 0.97
00:21:31.000 That's really what I'm talking about here.
00:21:33.000 How post-pandemic America has to be.
00:21:36.000 And post-pandemic America cannot include feminism.
00:21:40.000 It also, I'm afraid, cannot include Islam.
00:21:45.000 There have been studies done where doctors have said that there's a lot of moisture that collects in a hijab and burqas.
00:21:54.000 And that can become a breeding ground for the virus.
00:21:59.000 Now, I have nothing but respect for Islam, even radical Islam, but it's no longer hygienic. 1.00
00:22:05.000 And that means that radical Islam, you know, extremely orthodox Islam, all of this stuff can't be in our country anymore. 1.00
00:22:17.000 I'm sorry.
00:22:17.000 We also, by the way, had patient zero from Iran.
00:22:21.000 So the only prudent solution moving forward is no, a complete travel ban from all Muslim countries. 0.96
00:22:28.000 I'm sorry.
00:22:32.000 Also, racism, constantly talking about racism and hate all the time and how everything is racist.
00:22:39.000 That is splitting us apart.
00:22:43.000 That's promoting animosity and it's getting tedious.
00:22:46.000 It's getting pedantic.
00:22:48.000 And it's breaking.
00:22:50.000 We might have riots in the streets soon.
00:22:52.000 And when you fuel that fire with race, race, race, then it gets to the point where you have way more deaths from just riots than you would have from a pandemic.
00:23:04.000 That was too much of indecence.
00:23:06.000 So from now on, talking about race all the time and accusing everyone of being a racist is over.
00:23:12.000 That's done.
00:23:14.000 Also, they've discovered that along the ground, the contagion, the virus, tends to stay.
00:23:23.000 It's almost like, you know, when you go to those clubs and there's dry ice and there's that smoke on the ground and it seems to stay there.
00:23:31.000 That's what the virus does.
00:23:32.000 So they're saying that men can't wear flip-flops anymore.
00:23:37.000 Flip-flops are a very dangerous thing to wear.
00:23:42.000 Yeah, that's from Esquire, I believe.
00:23:46.000 So if you see men's toes, if anyone can see men's toes, we have a problem. 0.95
00:23:52.000 We are in danger.
00:23:53.000 And a lot of the CDC and other people are saying that footwear for men should be very, there's only few shoes or footwear that men can wear.
00:24:03.000 Do you have that montage of shoes?
00:24:07.000 Ryan?
00:24:08.000 Hello?
00:24:09.000 Oh, yes.
00:24:10.000 Yes, I do.
00:24:13.000 So they're saying that men have to wear red wings.
00:24:16.000 If it's cold out, then these go up high.
00:24:18.000 There's no way the, and you'll notice the tongue on red wings is actually sealed to the whole boot there, so that tongue doesn't flap down.
00:24:25.000 So this is totally waterproof and coronavirus proof up to the top.
00:24:31.000 Also, Clark's Desert boots, men can wear.
00:24:34.000 So no flip-flops, you can wear these.
00:24:38.000 Chuck Taylors, no other color, strangely enough.
00:24:42.000 So no red.
00:24:44.000 You can wear black Chuck Taylors if you're like 20 or below, but grown men like my age wearing black Chuck Taylors just looks fucking embarrassing.
00:24:52.000 It looks like you shop at CBGB's.
00:24:56.000 What else do we got?
00:24:58.000 Oh yeah, you can, for some reason they're saying vintage Air Jordans are fine, but again, only on younger men.
00:25:04.000 What else?
00:25:05.000 Is there any more?
00:25:06.000 Rod Lavers.
00:25:07.000 Now they have a lot of mesh on them, but for some reason those are fine.
00:25:11.000 And wallabies, but only they say only with pants that are kind of long, like no floods with wallabies.
00:25:19.000 And then they're saying for dress shoes, they're talking about the J.Crew wingtips.
00:25:24.000 I mean, this was mentioned on the Discord Reddit.
00:25:27.000 These are really expensive, but apparently these are perfect for the contagion.
00:25:32.000 No, that's a separate topic.
00:25:34.000 But we can jump to that.
00:25:36.000 They're saying that alcohol is actually very helpful, but only some alcohol.
00:25:41.000 So moving forward with this America, if we're going to survive, there are no IPAs.
00:25:47.000 They're saying that there's something about the hoppiness of IPAs that can actually stimulate the virus and keep it in your system.
00:25:54.000 A lot of doctors are saying that Budweiser is the only beer that should be available and all bars should have it.
00:26:02.000 Similarly, they're saying that it's like a Clorox bleach wipe for your body, is hard liquor, but only bourbon.
00:26:14.000 So, bars in the future, there's some I don't like here.
00:26:17.000 I hate Jim Beam or Jack Daniels, but Woodford Reserve, is that there?
00:26:23.000 Yeah, there's Woodford Reserve, Buffalo Trace, I forget the name of this thing, that one with the horsey on the top, Ballantines, the guy with the, it looks like a rabbi, Rip Van Winkle, that's allowed.
00:26:36.000 Maker's mark, obviously.
00:26:38.000 Every bar has to have Maker's mark, including that fancy one, 46.
00:26:42.000 That's much more potent.
00:26:43.000 So bourbon, all top shelf bourbon and Budweiser are crucial to fighting the virus.
00:26:52.000 Do not drink IPAs anymore.
00:26:55.000 They will kill you.
00:26:57.000 Understand?
00:26:58.000 And one of the worst things you can drink is one of these fucking blackberry margarita things that take the bartender forever to shake up.
00:27:06.000 All girly drinks are very bad.
00:27:09.000 We will not be having those in the future.
00:27:12.000 Now, I said this was...
00:27:21.000 One way they've seen it spread quite a bit, and the subway is obviously very dangerous.
00:27:27.000 So when we go back on the subways, there's certain behaviors that have to cease completely.
00:27:32.000 For example, talking loud on your phone, on speakerphone, so we can all hear your fucking conversation.
00:27:40.000 That's not permitted anymore.
00:27:42.000 You'll see, have you got the clip there?
00:27:45.000 I think it's on.
00:27:46.000 This is a woman, what was her name? 1.00
00:27:48.000 Lakeishia Beard.
00:27:50.000 So she was talking loud on her cell phone, and when people told her to shut up, she threatened to kill them all.
00:27:56.000 So she was kicked off Amtrak and arrested for threatening someone's life.
00:28:00.000 This cannot happen ever again.
00:28:02.000 We cannot have anyone, anywhere, but especially on the train, talking on speakerphone on their fucking...
00:28:11.000 Let's see how she gets down those steps. 1.00
00:28:13.000 Come on, sweetheart. 1.00
00:28:16.000 And, oh, and again, no obesity allowed in future America.
00:28:22.000 Go to the police car, bitch. 1.00
00:28:25.000 Similarly, another dangerous thing that happens on the subways is this hip-hop dancing.
00:28:31.000 What that does is it circulates the virus.
00:28:34.000 And that's also in my notes, Ryan, right below that.
00:28:38.000 It circulates the virus.
00:28:39.000 They're touching the poles, and it can be incredibly dangerous, especially when you're listening to some gay music about how no one's got a man. 1.00
00:28:50.000 Like, listen to the music.
00:28:51.000 It's a song about how hot a man is.
00:28:55.000 So what is he dancing to how sexy he is?
00:28:57.000 This is me, usually when this kind of thing happens.
00:29:01.000 By the way, people who do this, you're a stripper. 1.00
00:29:05.000 That's a stripper poll. 1.00
00:29:06.000 You are entertaining strangers by spinning around.
00:29:09.000 That's an exact move strippers do. 1.00
00:29:12.000 You are doing hip-hop stripping.
00:29:15.000 Anyway, you'll see how he's rubbing the virus around on the polls.
00:29:20.000 This in future America is not allowed.
00:29:22.000 We will stop this.
00:29:23.000 And we will have to use the police if necessary.
00:29:26.000 This guy will have to stop stripping for money. 0.97
00:29:30.000 And no more begging.
00:29:32.000 Also, they're saying video games.
00:29:35.000 I know this sounds weird because we've had to stay inside and video games are clearly a great way to pass the time.
00:29:40.000 Not anymore.
00:29:42.000 Adults, something about pushing the knobs and not getting out there and homeschooling your kids or doing other things, adults cannot play video games anymore.
00:29:52.000 It's not good for the virus.
00:29:54.000 I think it's because something to do with your thumbs and you're not getting out more.
00:29:58.000 So in future America, we will no longer have adult males pretending that they're zapping a zombie.
00:30:04.000 Oh, zoop, zoop, zoo.
00:30:05.000 I've got a ray gun.
00:30:07.000 What are you, Calvin and Hobbes?
00:30:08.000 I got a space gun and I'm shooting the zombies in my post-apocalyptic cathedral.
00:30:14.000 Zoot, zoo, zoo.
00:30:15.000 Zoop, zoop, zoo.
00:30:17.000 That's what you're doing.
00:30:18.000 I haven't done that.
00:30:19.000 Gone, peow, peow, pew, pew, pretended to shoot something since I was maybe seven.
00:30:26.000 Similarly, giving a shit about superheroes, reading comic books, going to superhero movies, those are all very dangerous.
00:30:35.000 That is now verboten.
00:30:36.000 Banned.
00:30:37.000 No more giving a fucking shit about Jedis.
00:30:41.000 That movie was made for little kids.
00:30:44.000 I went to see it when I was 10 and I thought it was super cool, but I was getting a little old.
00:30:48.000 By the time I was 12, I said, okay, I'm not interested in that anymore.
00:30:52.000 Now I want like BMX and skateboards and stuff because I'm not a fucking infant anymore.
00:30:56.000 I'm not a tiny little baby.
00:30:59.000 You're a 10-year-old, 5'10.
00:31:01.000 That's you.
00:31:02.000 You're a little child if you're playing video games, giving a shit about superheroes and watching Star Wars.
00:31:09.000 Do you know why superheroes were invented?
00:31:11.000 Not just for kids, but for loser kids, for eight-year-olds who were getting bullied.
00:31:17.000 So you know what we gave you?
00:31:19.000 You know what Stan Lee gave you?
00:31:20.000 He gave you a world where you're secretly a super spider guy.
00:31:26.000 And you can climb up buildings and you can swing and you can beat up bad guys.
00:31:31.000 You're super strong.
00:31:32.000 But you get bullied at school.
00:31:34.000 But you don't tell the bullies.
00:31:36.000 You could secretly go, psup, psu, pew.
00:31:39.000 And it gives the victims of bullies a fantasy world where he can pretend that he's not a fucking loser who gets wedgied every day and has his lunch money stolen.
00:31:51.000 That's you.
00:31:53.000 That's you if you're talking about Marvel and you're fucking disgusting.
00:31:58.000 Even that guy, remember that guy?
00:32:00.000 What was his name?
00:32:01.000 Dan Brittle Sticks, the guy who was talking about- The one who's married to the abortion-loving rich chick.
00:32:08.000 And he was talking about safe space and snowflake and stuff.
00:32:12.000 And he's a Marvel expert.
00:32:15.000 That's over.
00:32:16.000 That guy's fired.
00:32:18.000 He can't be that anymore because it's not good for the pandemic.
00:32:23.000 Yeah, what's his name?
00:32:25.000 Not him.
00:32:27.000 Dan Brittlebrocks?
00:32:28.000 It's like Fiddle Lumps Or something.
00:32:32.000 He sounds like a wonky chip.
00:32:34.000 No more video games for adults.
00:32:35.000 No more fucking flip-flops.
00:32:37.000 No more superheroes.
00:32:39.000 Kibble shit.
00:32:40.000 Kibble Smith.
00:32:41.000 Daniel Kibble Smith.
00:32:42.000 Also, we've learned Daniel Kibble Smith.
00:32:46.000 Sounds like he makes dog food, but like in the 1800s.
00:32:49.000 I'm a Kibble Smith.
00:32:50.000 I'm a dog food aristocrat from the 1800s.
00:32:57.000 So scratch outs are also out.
00:32:59.000 They've also discovered, you know, those Patagonia jackets with the tubing that everyone in the suburbs wears?
00:33:06.000 Yeah, those.
00:33:07.000 They always wear black in Westchester.
00:33:09.000 And we've known that Westchester, New Rochelle in particular, was the eye of the storm.
00:33:14.000 So stop wearing these fucking jackets, especially the black.
00:33:18.000 Stop wearing this jacket.
00:33:20.000 It's as dangerous as flip-flops, and it has to go.
00:33:24.000 Everyone in Westchester wears these, and Westchester was the hub of the problem.
00:33:28.000 So no more of those.
00:33:31.000 Also, doctors have been doing a lot of studies on sex and how sex transmits.
00:33:36.000 And they've noticed there's something in male sperm that can cleanse a woman's throat and prevent, don't show any of that shit, dumbass, that can prevent the virus spreading. 0.97
00:33:48.000 There's something about the coating.
00:33:50.000 And they say the best time to get this sperm out of the penis, the male penis, is in the mornings, right after he wakes up.
00:33:58.000 So ladies, every single day you need to get in there, smoke that hog, get some of that jizz down your throat. 1.00
00:34:04.000 Now they've discovered that the opposite is also true with men performing conilingus, where it's really helped to their immune system.
00:34:13.000 But apparently it's only when the guy feels like it.
00:34:16.000 So not every morning, not spontaneously, but he has to be inclined.
00:34:20.000 I guess he does it better and gets good at it, if you will.
00:34:24.000 Than being good at it, if you will.
00:34:26.000 When he's so inclined.
00:34:28.000 And they also say that kids should be outside playing as much as possible and shouldn't come in and surprise parents because that can jolt their system.
00:34:37.000 And if parents are drinking and partying, a lot of these professionals are saying that the kids should go to bed early and not leave their rooms and definitely not knock on the door of the master bedroom.
00:34:53.000 I think we've almost got them here.
00:34:56.000 Yeah, this is the last thing I've noticed, by the way.
00:34:59.000 Remember how we said that the virus seems to collect on the ground?
00:35:06.000 That's why men can only wear those six types of shoes. 0.87
00:35:09.000 But they're saying with women, high-heel shoes of the lady saw variety, they elevate the foot and it actually makes them much less likely to get it.
00:35:21.000 And this goes with like thigh-high boots, any kind of, it has to have a stiletto heel, has to have a big heel.
00:35:28.000 But they're also saying socks with high heels are really helpful in preventing it.
00:35:33.000 And this is also in the home.
00:35:36.000 So ladies, wives, while you're doing the dishes, while you're cooking and cleaning, while you're performing fellatio first thing in the morning, it's good to have socks with high heel shoes on. 0.95
00:35:46.000 And this article is showing you the different ways to do it.
00:35:49.000 That's with Oxfords.
00:35:51.000 Go back up it, though.
00:35:53.000 Go back up higher.
00:35:54.000 T-straps are fine.
00:35:56.000 Ankle straps are fantastic.
00:35:58.000 This is ideal.
00:36:00.000 This is the safest shoe ladies can wear, not just now, but forever in the future. 0.98
00:36:06.000 So ladies, Uggs, throw those away. 1.00
00:36:08.000 They're very dangerous.
00:36:10.000 Birkenstocks, one of the most dangerous shoes a woman can have. 1.00
00:36:13.000 Flip-flops, nope.
00:36:16.000 Crocs, got to get rid of those. 0.97
00:36:18.000 Maybe you could wear Chuck Taylor's and some of the list of the men's shoes, like Rod Laver's with a nice sort of summer dress.
00:36:25.000 But for the most part, socks and heels are the best way to go.
00:36:29.000 And a lot of the doctors of the World Health Organization, not the Ethiopian retard who runs it, but actual doctors, say that the safest look for women moving forward in the entire future of America, I'm talking about decades and decades and decades, is the girls from the video legs by ZZ Top. 1.00
00:36:53.000 This, just pause.
00:36:54.000 Wait, go back, go back, go back.
00:36:56.000 Because the physics, the biology of this is really interesting.
00:36:59.000 Freeze it on her foot when she comes out.
00:37:03.000 Yeah, that.
00:37:04.000 So there's something about this sort of pirate boot with the stiletto heel that protects all this and prevents it from going up.
00:37:11.000 And also short skirts with the high heel shoes really help. 0.95
00:37:15.000 And as far as gloves go, most of the disease is transmitted on the palms of your hands.
00:37:21.000 So lace gloves really help or fingerless lace gloves.
00:37:26.000 Lingerie at night.
00:37:28.000 I forgot to mention that.
00:37:29.000 They're saying that it's safest to sleep in some sort of lingerie at night with garter belts.
00:37:35.000 Garter belts are really helpful with stopping this.
00:37:41.000 Yeah, see that kind of look.
00:37:42.000 I don't know why.
00:37:44.000 I was as surprised as you are when this came out.
00:37:46.000 I was like, what?
00:37:47.000 That's one of my favorite videos.
00:37:49.000 And they go, yeah, it's crazy.
00:37:50.000 But 80s sort of new wave and lingerie and garter belts with stilettos, with little socks, little frilly socks, cripples the disease, destroys it in its tracks.
00:38:03.000 You know, the thing about the 1980s, too, no COVID-19.
00:38:07.000 No COVID-19 in the 80s.
00:38:08.000 And it was because of this.
00:38:09.000 Play the video a little longer.
00:38:13.000 See, this?
00:38:14.000 She had garter belts on.
00:38:17.000 She has, what does she have on?
00:38:18.000 A garter belt.
00:38:19.000 What does she not have?
00:38:20.000 Coronavirus.
00:38:23.000 This is all science.
00:38:24.000 I'm telling you, science.
00:38:26.000 And I think I may have left out swim shirts.
00:38:32.000 The moisture that men get from wearing swim shirts all the fucking time at the water park because they're ashamed of their boobies. 0.60
00:38:37.000 First of all, we said at the beginning, no more fat people.
00:38:41.000 So you don't have boobies anymore. 1.00
00:38:43.000 But secondly, no one gives a shit.
00:38:45.000 What are you going to get a sunburn?
00:38:47.000 There's a roof in Great Wolf Lodge.
00:38:49.000 Like this.
00:38:50.000 No more of this stupid shit.
00:38:52.000 And no more, they also said no more wearing underwear underneath your bathing suit.
00:38:59.000 And don't give me This bullshit about the mesh.
00:39:01.000 Oh, the mesh.
00:39:02.000 We've been making bathing suits for a thousand years.
00:39:06.000 We're not going to have some sort of razor wire mesh down there.
00:39:09.000 It's because you think we can see the contours of your penis because you're so fucking paranoid.
00:39:15.000 Even if we were all fags, even if it was a gay water park, no one cares about your dick. 0.99
00:39:20.000 And that same thing goes for these assholes who won't use a urinal because someone's going to see their pee-pee.
00:39:26.000 You fuckers go into the stall and you piss all over the lid. 1.00
00:39:30.000 Us chronic shitters, us alcoholics with diarrhea, end up sitting on your piss. 0.86
00:39:36.000 I have to clean your piss off before I sit down. 0.83
00:39:38.000 What am I?
00:39:39.000 Your slave?
00:39:40.000 I'm cleaning up your piss? 0.76
00:39:43.000 What am I?
00:39:44.000 Some sort of a fucking pet owner now?
00:39:46.000 I got to clean up my doggy's pee-pee stains?
00:39:48.000 Go piss in the urinal like everyone else. 0.84
00:39:51.000 Say there's a fucking gigantic homosexual right next to you in drag. 1.00
00:39:54.000 He's not going to grab your penis. 1.00
00:39:56.000 What's he going to do?
00:39:57.000 Start sucking it? 0.81
00:39:58.000 Fucking relax.
00:40:00.000 Hey, do you ever eat a cheeseburger around a fat guy?
00:40:02.000 He wants to put that in his mouth too.
00:40:04.000 He's not going to run over and go, my burger, my burger.
00:40:08.000 You think we're living in fucking caveman rape fag town? 1.00
00:40:13.000 Relax.
00:40:14.000 And that will spread the coronavirus too.
00:40:16.000 Pissing in a urinal, I mean, sorry, pissing in a stall and being scared of homosexuals in the urinal is very, very bad for the virus. 0.79
00:40:26.000 So I hope I've made all of this clear to you.
00:40:30.000 Basically, in order to survive, we have to follow these, I don't know, 20 easy steps.
00:40:37.000 And we need free speech, guns, no more fat people, homeschooling, housewives, no more welfare, more American families, closed borders, no more drug war, way less people in prison, almost abolish prison, federate the entrepreneur, shut down the government, abolish feminism, abolish Islam, stop talking about racism all the time, no more flip-flops, no more swim shirts.
00:41:01.000 Women have to wear high-heel shoes all the time and look like they're in the 80s, no more talking on your phone, and basically just bourbon and Budweiser. 1.00
00:41:11.000 Seem reasonable?
00:41:12.000 It sounds like utopia to me.
00:41:15.000 All right, that's the show.
00:41:17.000 Let's move on to a song that makes fun of one of the most painful things about Ryan's life.
00:41:25.000 You know what this reminded me of the other day?
00:41:27.000 Have I told you this story about Dale Aiken?
00:41:29.000 He was my best friend when I was a kid, and his dad was the shittiest fucking guy in the world, a trucker who totally abandoned him.
00:41:36.000 You know, one of the only things he ever did for Dale was he gave him an oil painting of himself.
00:41:41.000 The dad, the shitty dad.
00:41:43.000 No, not Dale.
00:41:44.000 Oh, it's a oil painting, a beautiful oil painting.
00:41:47.000 But in the oil painting, his dad was ugly and bald and fat, and he had on his hockey jacket, like Montreal Canadians, and like a shirt like this. 0.98
00:41:55.000 And he's wearing his hockey jacket in this oil painting.
00:42:00.000 But, you know, my dad was always in my face, and I had the opposite of a derelict father.
00:42:07.000 So one time I went over to Dale's, and he goes, hey, man, I can't hang out.
00:42:11.000 My dad called.
00:42:12.000 He's going to take me fishing.
00:42:13.000 And I went, oh, okay, well, I'll hang out here until he picks you up.
00:42:16.000 And he goes, okay.
00:42:17.000 And then that was going on and on.
00:42:19.000 And we're playing with our little action figures because we're little fucking kids.
00:42:24.000 Not adults.
00:42:25.000 Adults don't collect action figures.
00:42:27.000 Yes, I have some jokes on my shelf.
00:42:31.000 You think I play with these?
00:42:32.000 Do you think I care about these?
00:42:34.000 This one doesn't even have any pants.
00:42:36.000 I gave them to my wife as an escape, a Danimore joke on a clipboard. 1.00
00:42:41.000 Remember the prisoner makes her little pants? 0.98
00:42:43.000 Anyway, eventually his dad doesn't show and he's bawling his eyes out and I was staring at him going, Dale, why the fuck are you crying?
00:42:53.000 We've just got a gift.
00:42:54.000 You don't have to hang out with your dad today.
00:42:56.000 You are so lucky.
00:42:59.000 Those of us who had fathers tended to take it for granted.
00:43:04.000 But it's actually really rough not having a dad.
00:43:07.000 Go ahead, Ryan.
00:43:08.000 Which video is this?
00:43:09.000 The fucking mailbag?
00:43:11.000 Oh.
00:43:12.000 Maybe you could have sussed out that that's where we were heading if you had had a father at some point in your life.
00:43:18.000 Final video?
00:43:19.000 The mailbag!
00:43:22.000 Oh.
00:43:23.000 What the fuck is going on?
00:43:26.000 What happens in that head of yours?
00:43:27.000 Brian, shut up.
00:43:31.000 You don't have a dad.
00:43:34.000 Let's turn the rest together.
00:43:40.000 Let me touch it.
00:43:42.000 What?
00:43:43.000 Do you have a head injury?
00:43:44.000 No, you said let's listen to a song about...
00:43:50.000 Well, I said the worst part of Ryan's life.
00:43:53.000 And clearly we're done the show, so we're going to go to the mailbag.
00:43:56.000 True, true.
00:43:58.000 I presume there's going to be a lot about the pranking, a lot about that stupid joke, which was...
00:44:06.000 Was it funny?
00:44:08.000 It was effective.
00:44:10.000 My first instinct was kind of anger because, like, say your wife and your kids, you got my wife and kids to do some prank on me.
00:44:18.000 I'd sort of go, why does Ryan have more authority in my house than I do?
00:44:22.000 You know what I mean?
00:44:24.000 So that would piss me off.
00:44:27.000 You know what she did to it?
00:44:28.000 It was April Fools?
00:44:29.000 Punching up.
00:44:30.000 She said there was an article, she brought it up in the car and told the kids to go along with it that they're banning alcohol sales in 10 days.
00:44:39.000 And I just went, no, they're not.
00:44:42.000 Nice prank.
00:44:43.000 They're not.
00:44:45.000 All right.
00:44:48.000 This is from John.
00:44:49.000 Cool name.
00:44:50.000 I bet it's becoming a rare name.
00:44:53.000 Like my son's name is Johnny, and I don't know any other John's that are his age, I mean.
00:44:59.000 Everyone's working from home at my company.
00:45:00.000 That means a lot of conference calls.
00:45:02.000 I cannot tell you how many people at their dogs just bark through a work call.
00:45:07.000 They chuckle and say stuff like, mailman just stopped by.
00:45:09.000 That sets my dog off.
00:45:11.000 As if we would all find that cute.
00:45:13.000 I hate dogs, John.
00:45:17.000 Yeah, can't she just mute it? 0.92
00:45:19.000 Can't she mute her microphone while the dog's freaking out? 0.96
00:45:22.000 We went to this dog beach the other day and I was so irritated the entire time.
00:45:28.000 The dogs, other dogs were Coming up and sniffing me, trying to eat my kids' food.
00:45:33.000 And I guess I was in a dog beach.
00:45:34.000 I should have shouldn't have sat down and given the kids anything to eat, but it was so fucking annoying.
00:45:39.000 And I would go like this, shoo, shoo, to get rid of them.
00:45:41.000 And then you'd see the owner sort of give me a look, like, why'd you do that?
00:45:44.000 Uh, because it's a fucking dog.
00:45:46.000 It's an animal.
00:45:47.000 What's with that look you're giving me?
00:45:48.000 It's not a human.
00:45:49.000 I felt like just saying to everyone, hey, everyone on this beach, these are dogs, not humans, dogs.
00:45:58.000 Ugh.
00:45:59.000 Asking about the dog too?
00:46:01.000 Is that a puppy or a full-grown?
00:46:03.000 I don't fuck.
00:46:03.000 I don't know.
00:46:04.000 I don't.
00:46:05.000 Is it a boy or a girl?
00:46:06.000 It's a fucking dog.
00:46:07.000 Who cares?
00:46:07.000 You're going to buy a dress?
00:46:09.000 Who gives a shit what gender it is? 0.99
00:46:11.000 There's no difference besides breeding and they don't breed.
00:46:14.000 So I feel like I'm a toad.
00:46:19.000 I hate that question.
00:46:20.000 Is that a boy or a girl?
00:46:21.000 Who fucking cares?
00:46:23.000 They don't have female or male characteristics.
00:46:27.000 I'm never going to a dog beach again, by the way.
00:46:31.000 This is from Billy.
00:46:32.000 Subscriber since the inception.
00:46:34.000 Burned by Blaze.
00:46:35.000 G-Dog, you told a story about Jason Bateman saying or doing something incredibly douchey.
00:46:39.000 Would you please tell it again?
00:46:40.000 Thank you.
00:46:41.000 Billy from Bethlehem.
00:46:44.000 There was a gay bar called The Hole in New York City in the early 2000s.
00:46:51.000 And what we would do often in there is we'd choose a gay bar and take it over because they had incredibly cheap drinks. 1.00
00:46:58.000 I don't know why the gays got cheap beer. 1.00
00:47:00.000 So we would go to gay bars and they fucking hated us.
00:47:03.000 It was like gentrification.
00:47:04.000 It was like you see blacks talking about Jews in Crown Heights because we would slowly take over the gay bar until it was like half straight. 0.99
00:47:12.000 And fun girls go to gay bars and there was better music and stuff.
00:47:16.000 So we went to this one bar and I was, all the girls there looked like the accelerator video, the legs video. 0.81
00:47:22.000 That was the trend at the time in the early aughts.
00:47:25.000 Socks with heels.
00:47:26.000 All the chicks had high heels on. 1.00
00:47:28.000 Every single fucking one of them.
00:47:29.000 It was heaven.
00:47:30.000 And they were kind of alternative, right?
00:47:33.000 Like this was, they'd have army jackets on.
00:47:35.000 They didn't look like California girls. 0.98
00:47:37.000 They didn't have blonde hair. 0.78
00:47:39.000 And Jason Bateman was there and he, we, he knew David Cross and him were friends because they did that show arrested development.
00:47:46.000 So David brought him out with us.
00:47:48.000 And I was like, all right, hello, Jason.
00:47:50.000 And he felt uncomfortable because he's a douche and he's a normie.
00:47:54.000 And he was at a cool spot.
00:47:56.000 So he was there with dress like this, basically.
00:47:58.000 And he was like, oh, okay.
00:48:01.000 And then he goes, how much would you give me?
00:48:03.000 Hey, guys, guys.
00:48:04.000 Now, first he said, let's get out of here and go to where some hot chicks are. 1.00
00:48:08.000 I was like, what?
00:48:09.000 Are you fucking blind?
00:48:12.000 And I realize now in retrospect, he meant like California cheerleader types with fake tits. 1.00
00:48:17.000 No, no, no.
00:48:17.000 I'll take the weirdos.
00:48:18.000 Thank you.
00:48:19.000 And they do Coke in the bathroom and blow me. 0.97
00:48:23.000 And so he's uncomfortable and he's looking around and we're not leaving.
00:48:29.000 And then he goes, hey, how much would you pay me to get up on that speaker and dance on that speaker?
00:48:35.000 What?
00:48:35.000 Why would I give a fuck where you dance?
00:48:37.000 Like people are going to go, oh my lord, Jason Bateman was dancing on a speaker.
00:48:42.000 So I said, just to be nice, because I was embarrassed for him because he felt uncomfortable.
00:48:46.000 I think I put in like five bucks here.
00:48:49.000 It's your money.
00:48:50.000 I'm so excited.
00:48:51.000 Like it was a charity to make him feel more comfortable.
00:48:54.000 Then about 50 minutes later, I'm talking to someone to come back.
00:48:57.000 Did he do his little gay dance? 0.99
00:48:59.000 And then right when I was asking that, he comes up and he goes, I can't do it.
00:49:02.000 I can't do it.
00:49:03.000 I saw Michael Musto is here from the Village Voice.
00:49:06.000 And the last thing I need is that ending up on the gossip pages. 0.99
00:49:11.000 What?
00:49:12.000 So I just went, give me my fucking money back.
00:49:15.000 And then I took my money back.
00:49:17.000 What?
00:49:17.000 And then he left.
00:49:18.000 And I just thought, that guy's a douche.
00:49:21.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.
00:49:24.000 Other stuff.
00:49:25.000 What do you think about Pat Dixon from a procreation standpoint?
00:49:28.000 Three wives, no kids. 0.99
00:49:30.000 Plus, I just learned that Garrett is dating some bitch who's in her late 40s. 1.00
00:49:33.000 What the fuck?
00:49:34.000 Well, he's.
00:49:35.000 Garrett's older.
00:49:36.000 That's around the same age.
00:49:38.000 Yeah, I think it's sad, though, that she's not having any kids.
00:49:41.000 Yeah, Garrett is around the same age as his girlfriend.
00:49:47.000 He didn't listen to me.
00:49:48.000 I don't approve.
00:49:49.000 Pat Dixon, get the fuck out of that apartment.
00:49:51.000 He lives in the smallest apartment I've ever seen.
00:49:52.000 It's like something out of a...
00:49:56.000 It's just a bedroom.
00:49:57.000 That's his entire apartment.
00:49:58.000 He's got an office in there.
00:50:00.000 Two people live there.
00:50:01.000 His wife's giant.
00:50:02.000 The fuck?
00:50:05.000 I just got dumped by a dry-egged 42-year-old. 1.00
00:50:08.000 I'm like, hell yeah, bye-bye.
00:50:09.000 Home to mommy.
00:50:10.000 That was all the same.
00:50:12.000 Home to mommy.
00:50:12.000 Oh, that was the same.
00:50:13.000 Yeah.
00:50:14.000 He'd be a great dad.
00:50:15.000 It's a shame.
00:50:16.000 So would Anthony.
00:50:17.000 Oh, everyone who doesn't want kids would be an awesome dad.
00:50:22.000 And especially the ones who had a shitty dad, and they go, oh, I grew up without a dad.
00:50:27.000 I'm sort of burnt by the whole idea.
00:50:29.000 No, you'd be good because you know what it's like to not have a dad.
00:50:32.000 So you'd like you would be a good dad, Ryan.
00:50:35.000 Yeah.
00:50:36.000 And Anthony, he's like, fuck no.
00:50:38.000 I don't never want a kid.
00:50:39.000 I'd just be playing my drone.
00:50:42.000 I like drones and playing video games.
00:50:43.000 Oh, yeah.
00:50:44.000 Kids hate that.
00:50:47.000 Unbelievable.
00:50:48.000 It's unbelievable, too.
00:50:51.000 That was more like.
00:50:52.000 Okay, this one has a picture with it.
00:50:54.000 It's from a kid named Declan.
00:50:55.000 Dov, David of.
00:50:56.000 Hello, Gavin and Ryan, all the way from Paisley, Scotland.
00:50:59.000 Love the show.
00:51:00.000 Here, I was talking to my friend the other day.
00:51:01.000 I tried to tell my subscribers, Censor TV about how you guys are hilarious and all.
00:51:06.000 I got an automated message instantly telling me that typing out censor.tv and sending it privately to a friend where it can't be offensive to anyone in any way, shape, or form, or against their community guidelines.
00:51:18.000 What the fuck is that about?
00:51:20.000 I can see they're so far left that they don't want it on their site, which is gay. 1.00
00:51:25.000 But a private message to a friend?
00:51:28.000 What the fuck does it have to do with them?
00:51:30.000 What I speak about in private.
00:51:32.000 Kind of fucking scary.
00:51:34.000 Spooky.
00:51:37.000 I found out something odd about that.
00:51:39.000 If you capitalize TV, it works.
00:51:42.000 Oh, really?
00:51:43.000 Isn't that weird?
00:51:44.000 Aye.
00:51:45.000 Yeah.
00:51:45.000 That's cookie.
00:51:46.000 Boy.
00:51:47.000 For the now.
00:51:50.000 This is from a guy named Chris.
00:51:51.000 I'm currently writing a movie script, and two characters were discussing children.
00:51:54.000 I realize your theory about deprenotation resulting in a boy would fit perfectly with what was happening in this scene.
00:51:59.000 And it is the kind of thing My character would say as well.
00:52:01.000 I'm seeking your permission to use this theory in my script, and if it ever gets made, I will ensure you receive proper credit for your contribution to the script.
00:52:08.000 Yes, sir, you may use that, and I won't sue you.
00:52:11.000 I don't own that concept.
00:52:13.000 And even if I, even if it was a comedian doing it as a stand-up on stage, I wouldn't give a shit.
00:52:18.000 But please do it correctly.
00:52:20.000 It's standing, this is how you make a boy.
00:52:22.000 It's standing doggy with a deep plunge, and then after you jizz, you fall down on her like collapsing lawn furniture, and you let it sit for 30 seconds.
00:52:33.000 You got a boy.
00:52:35.000 Chilo, you got a boy.
00:52:37.000 Chilo, you got a boy.
00:52:42.000 Hey boys, I missed the beginning of Friday Nights Alright, but I got a strange blah blah blah blah blah.
00:52:46.000 I'm confused.
00:52:47.000 I want to cancel.
00:52:49.000 I gotta clean that up.
00:52:50.000 Listen to me.
00:52:51.000 People will wear the shit out of this.
00:52:53.000 Love your new sunglasses.
00:52:54.000 This is from Carson.
00:52:57.000 You see that?
00:52:58.000 Carson.
00:52:58.000 George Foreman performing Connilingus.
00:53:01.000 Aren't you just going in order?
00:53:03.000 I'm going in order.
00:53:04.000 Are you in free speech?
00:53:10.000 No, you're not showing the whole thing.
00:53:12.000 I cut it off.
00:53:16.000 So the on is.
00:53:19.000 This is a terrible design for a t-shirt that no one would ever buy.
00:53:24.000 I wouldn't even buy it, and it's my joke.
00:53:28.000 I know what Fonte's using.
00:53:30.000 Good to know.
00:53:30.000 So that was terrible.
00:53:34.000 This is from Karen.
00:53:36.000 What happened to Gavin?
00:53:37.000 Stupid joke.
00:53:38.000 We'll get him back.
00:53:39.000 This is from Omio.
00:53:40.000 I'm about to cancel my membership.
00:53:42.000 Gavin's off TV from Jordan.
00:53:44.000 How the fuck does that happen?
00:53:46.000 What is going on on Friday Nights?
00:53:47.000 Alright.
00:53:48.000 Still have Copper Cab.
00:53:50.000 What?
00:53:52.000 Yeah, these are all just people bitching about Milo's time-wasting joke.
00:53:57.000 Alright, should we go to the final videos that was in the other?
00:54:01.000 Final videos.
00:54:02.000 You know I sent you?
00:54:04.000 Final.
00:54:04.000 So, got to...
00:54:08.000 Got a bunch.
00:54:09.000 There's five here.
00:54:11.000 Six.
00:54:12.000 Well, we got time.
00:54:12.000 Let's do a bunch.
00:54:14.000 Alright.
00:54:16.000 Let's start with Great Fight. 0.90
00:54:18.000 1-8.
00:54:19.000 Oh my god, this animal makes me want to quit boxing.
00:54:23.000 Look at this animal.
00:54:26.000 It looks like it's sped up.
00:54:31.000 Look at that.
00:54:34.000 His uppercuts, huh?
00:54:37.000 Look, you can't get him.
00:54:39.000 Look at that fucking Deke. 1.00
00:54:42.000 He's like he's magic.
00:54:45.000 Look at that.
00:54:46.000 You can't hit him.
00:54:48.000 And then Kaboosh.
00:54:52.000 I don't even know who this boxer is.
00:54:55.000 But wow.
00:54:56.000 Is he talented?
00:54:59.000 It makes me want to go to the gym and do like a huge rail of Coke just to see if I can simulate any of that.
00:55:06.000 Number 19.
00:55:08.000 This is a female cop who ain't doing shit. 1.00
00:55:12.000 Ain't nobody got shit for do.
00:55:16.000 This way.
00:55:16.000 But he was.
00:55:17.000 I didn't know he was leaving the scene because he was right.
00:55:21.000 You know, you can see where the.
00:55:23.000 Okay, so this guy here is a nut who crashed into her car. 0.95
00:55:28.000 And she's telling a story to a female cop. 1.00
00:55:31.000 He's acting weird and he's about to get crazier and crazier.
00:55:36.000 Parking in front of my house, like driving, driving, driving, driving, driving.
00:55:40.000 I can't even get no sleep.
00:55:41.000 Because they coming outside, running around, I'm on Linwood.
00:55:44.000 They're coming around, driving around, suckling around.
00:55:46.000 I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
00:55:49.000 Nobody's outside.
00:55:50.000 Nobody's staring to come outside.
00:55:51.000 What the fuck, man?
00:55:52.000 I don't know what's going on.
00:55:54.000 No, man, fuck that.
00:55:56.000 Fuck that.
00:55:57.000 What?
00:55:58.000 I don't.
00:55:58.000 You need to be.
00:55:58.000 Yo, fuck that.
00:56:00.000 Fuck it.
00:56:02.000 You know another thing?
00:56:03.000 Just pause.
00:56:04.000 Maybe her existence in and of itself is escalating the situation.
00:56:08.000 Maybe if it was a big, like, Willie McAloon standing there like a big bullfrog, he said, look, you need to calm down.
00:56:15.000 You're getting a little aggressive here.
00:56:16.000 I don't like it.
00:56:17.000 Hey, keep your distance.
00:56:18.000 He would be like, oh, shit, I better not.
00:56:19.000 But when it's a woman who's like, calm down, guess, calm down. 1.00
00:56:23.000 It might make him even more incensed or more violent.
00:56:27.000 Calm down a little bit.
00:56:28.000 No, I'm not calming down.
00:56:29.000 Step back.
00:56:30.000 No, no, I'm not stepping back.
00:56:31.000 No, I'm not stepping back.
00:56:32.000 I'm not stepping back.
00:56:33.000 This is my fucking car.
00:56:34.000 It's an accident.
00:56:35.000 No, it's my fucking car.
00:56:37.000 You act like you fucking don't care.
00:56:39.000 You act like you don't care.
00:56:40.000 I don't.
00:56:43.000 Is that Ellen DeGeneres? 0.99
00:56:46.000 I'm trying to gather information so I can take the report for you, sir.
00:56:49.000 You need to calm down.
00:56:50.000 I'm trying to get the grabbing information.
00:56:52.000 Probably.
00:56:53.000 A little bit.
00:56:54.000 Someone's gotta.
00:56:55.000 I don't know which one.
00:56:56.000 It's going to grab itself.
00:56:58.000 This is the craziest thing.
00:57:05.000 He was going that way.
00:57:07.000 Well, you wouldn't have to wrap this.
00:57:11.000 What the hell?
00:57:13.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:57:14.000 On the ground!
00:57:16.000 He just grabbed her purse and started to run.
00:57:18.000 What the hell would he do that for?
00:57:21.000 He's like, I might not have a car, but I'll get to get a purse.
00:57:24.000 Now, I think she tased him.
00:57:26.000 Because he sure went down fast.
00:57:28.000 I hate getting scraped on the concrete.
00:57:30.000 On your back!
00:57:31.000 You kidding?
00:57:32.000 No!
00:57:33.000 Yeah.
00:57:33.000 No, no, I'm not.
00:57:34.000 I hate getting scraped on the concrete.
00:57:36.000 That's like one of your things?
00:57:37.000 Yeah.
00:57:38.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:57:39.000 Fucking kill me!
00:57:40.000 The fuck!
00:57:41.000 Now!
00:57:42.000 Fucking kill me!
00:57:43.000 On the ground now!
00:57:46.000 Wait, wait, lady, get lost. 1.00
00:57:49.000 Other lady, you're risking a friendly fire. 1.00
00:57:52.000 Cops shoot the wrong person all the time.
00:57:54.000 Bullet could go through him even.
00:57:56.000 Or what if it grazes him?
00:57:57.000 I would get the fuck out of there.
00:58:00.000 Maybe peer from around the corner of that building.
00:58:02.000 What is he saying now?
00:58:03.000 Kill me.
00:58:05.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:58:06.000 No!
00:58:06.000 Get him!
00:58:07.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:58:09.000 We got a male cop here, please?
00:58:10.000 Ah, good.
00:58:11.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:58:12.000 No!
00:58:13.000 Kill me, dude!
00:58:13.000 No!
00:58:14.000 Kill me!
00:58:15.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:58:16.000 Fuck all you!
00:58:17.000 Get on the ground! 0.82
00:58:18.000 I like how he doesn't want to lose his hat.
00:58:20.000 Kill me, but I ain't losing no hat.
00:58:22.000 Now look at this.
00:58:22.000 Ow!
00:58:23.000 Tongue open.
00:58:29.000 That was so calm, huh?
00:58:32.000 Look, motherfucker, I don't got time for this shit.
00:58:36.000 Okay.
00:58:37.000 The end.
00:58:38.000 I will do what you are saying.
00:58:39.000 Situation de-escalated instantly.
00:58:41.000 Thanks, Fran.
00:58:42.000 Get out of here.
00:58:43.000 Thanks, Ellen DeGeneres.
00:58:44.000 You did a great job.
00:58:47.000 Look at his slow walk.
00:58:49.000 Dude, come on.
00:58:52.000 He could be holding a donut while doing that.
00:58:56.000 Put your hands behind her back. 1.00
00:58:58.000 Like that cop you saw the other day when the crackhead was screaming at 2 in the morning outside your place and the cops, what was he doing?
00:59:03.000 Show us.
00:59:03.000 Oh, he just was eating gum.
00:59:04.000 Yeah, let me see.
00:59:06.000 Where am I?
00:59:07.000 Where am I?
00:59:08.000 What are you not there?
00:59:11.000 He was just like, yeah, there was a homeless guy.
00:59:13.000 You know what?
00:59:14.000 Let's put the bangs down. 0.86
00:59:15.000 Oh, for fuck's sakes, forget it.
00:59:17.000 He's just chewing gum.
00:59:19.000 And he was like, there's a fucking guy out here at 2 o'clock in the morning. 0.91
00:59:22.000 Fucking yelling and screaming.
00:59:24.000 I don't know.
00:59:26.000 You ruined that with your stupid vain hair shit.
00:59:31.000 All right, let's do two more. 0.87
00:59:33.000 Let's do 2-0.
00:59:34.000 I want to end with 2-1.
00:59:35.000 So let's do 2-0 and then 2-2 and then 2-1.
00:59:43.000 Apparently I got to tell these people that I'm over 18.
00:59:46.000 Yeah, this has nudity in it.
00:59:48.000 Warning, folks.
00:59:49.000 NSFW, there's nudity in this. 1.00
00:59:52.000 All right.
00:59:55.000 Is that technically nudity?
00:59:58.000 Wow.
00:59:59.000 Go back to the beginning.
01:00:00.000 Wow.
01:00:00.000 What does she say?
01:00:01.000 Black Southern Indian.
01:00:03.000 She hated America.
01:00:05.000 I'm a black North Indian.
01:00:06.000 I hate America.
01:00:09.000 Wow.
01:00:09.000 I'm a black North Indian.
01:00:11.000 I'm a Black North Indian and I hate America.
01:00:14.000 See, again, I said this at the beginning of the episode.
01:00:17.000 We're done with these.
01:00:18.000 Those are three.
01:00:18.000 There's a fat.
01:00:20.000 That's a fat feminist who's being too loud. 1.00
01:00:24.000 And racism, actually, too.
01:00:25.000 And racism, yeah.
01:00:26.000 So this is just removed.
01:00:28.000 I don't know what we do with it.
01:00:29.000 Throw it out of a helicopter?
01:00:30.000 Those might as well be flip-flops.
01:00:32.000 Feed it to the alligators.
01:00:35.000 We'll just have boatloads and boatloads going to the Everglades to feed the alligators. 1.00
01:00:40.000 We're going to have an alligator obesity. 0.88
01:00:42.000 How gross that is.
01:00:43.000 Now, God gave you a body, right?
01:00:45.000 That's a gift.
01:00:46.000 And you desecrate it like that?
01:00:51.000 Isn't that blasphemous?
01:00:57.000 She comes back, I believe.
01:01:03.000 Wow.
01:01:04.000 Shut the fuck up, you nigga. 1.00
01:01:05.000 I will kill you before you get slapped. 1.00
01:01:07.000 I hate that bitch. 1.00
01:01:12.000 I hate this.
01:01:14.000 What is wrong with this lady? 1.00
01:01:18.000 Bitch, you crazy. 1.00
01:01:19.000 Bitch, you crazy. 1.00
01:01:20.000 Wow.
01:01:23.000 I'm.
01:01:28.000 They're so lucky to see that.
01:01:29.000 Yeah, she loved seeing that in person.
01:01:31.000 She's just spreading joy.
01:01:33.000 Okay, I don't remember this one.
01:01:35.000 2-2.
01:01:39.000 And we're ending with 2-1, right?
01:01:41.000 No, actually, I want to watch them all.
01:01:43.000 Okay.
01:01:43.000 So let's go.
01:01:44.000 We are ending with 2-1.
01:01:45.000 I want to do 2-2, 2-3, and then end with 2-1.
01:01:48.000 Okay.
01:01:49.000 I forgot this one.
01:01:53.000 Oh, fuck.
01:01:54.000 I just...
01:01:55.000 I can...
01:01:58.000 What are we at?
01:01:59.000 102?
01:02:00.000 Alright, so no spoilers.
01:02:02.000 we bleeped out a spoiler.
01:02:09.000 This looks like it's in Croatia or something?
01:02:13.000 Everything's too nice for Russia. 1.00
01:02:15.000 What are the packages?
01:02:20.000 I don't know.
01:02:20.000 Maybe Italy?
01:02:23.000 or grease We opened up one of the coke bags and it has a ring in it.
01:02:39.000 Throw it, throw it, throw it. 1.00
01:02:41.000 Isn't this awesome?
01:02:45.000 I don't know.
01:02:48.000 Well, it depends.
01:02:49.000 I mean, if she was crying and freaked out and mad, then you failed.
01:02:52.000 But she looks pretty happy.
01:02:55.000 Oh.
01:02:57.000 What?
01:02:58.000 You just got it now?
01:02:59.000 Everybody's in on this.
01:03:02.000 Wait a minute, Aaron.
01:03:03.000 Did you think that the police officers were taking a break while he proposed on his way to the slammer?
01:03:09.000 I don't know.
01:03:09.000 I don't know what Russia does.
01:03:11.000 I'm getting fascinated by you.
01:03:14.000 Like, I want to, I feel like I could take you to a neurosurgeon or something.
01:03:18.000 You should come with me to, like, a medical conference.
01:03:20.000 And I have a big curtain, and it's like the two-headed woman. 1.00
01:03:23.000 And I pull back the curtain.
01:03:24.000 I go, ladies and gentlemen, this is Ryan Katsu Rivera, a Japanese Puerto Rican who doesn't even fucking get this marriage proposal thing until it's almost completely over.
01:03:35.000 watch ladies and gents turn turn turn do do do do Thank you.
01:03:39.000 Thank you.
01:03:42.000 Oh, this is great.
01:03:45.000 Although, every time I see a beatdown, I'm always frustrated with the lack of rib punching.
01:03:53.000 Give me your money, motherfuckers. 1.00
01:03:55.000 Okay, here, I gotta go.
01:03:57.000 Ow, you're hurting me.
01:03:58.000 You know what?
01:03:59.000 Fuck this and your gun.
01:04:02.000 Get him in a headlock.
01:04:05.000 Look.
01:04:06.000 Look how unscared this dude is.
01:04:08.000 He just had a gun pointed at him.
01:04:10.000 They're punching him like the other guy comes up.
01:04:13.000 Interesting that there's no kicks, huh?
01:04:15.000 Should be a lot more kicks.
01:04:16.000 And this dude's got to do more.
01:04:18.000 Get in there, fuckface. 1.00
01:04:20.000 Oh, is that guy helping him?
01:04:21.000 What?
01:04:22.000 Is that guy, whose side is he on?
01:04:24.000 Who do you think, genius?
01:04:25.000 Is he just a neutral...
01:04:33.000 Hey, let's get out of here, man.
01:04:34.000 These chads know how to fight.
01:04:38.000 And now they're calling him a pussy.
01:04:39.000 They have the gun.
01:04:41.000 Wow.
01:04:42.000 You know what they should have done right here?
01:04:43.000 Shot out all the tires.
01:04:48.000 He's like, all right, keep the fucking gun.
01:04:52.000 That's what sucks, too.
01:04:53.000 It's like, you know you can't have it back.
01:04:54.000 He's like, dude, can you just empty the bullets out of giving back my gun?
01:04:56.000 Get in your fucking car.
01:04:58.000 I'll blow your head off. 0.75
01:04:59.000 You see that?
01:04:59.000 He pulls a gun on him.
01:05:01.000 Yeah, your gun.
01:05:02.000 I got your gun, bitch. 1.00
01:05:10.000 Yeah, the ending isn't great.
01:05:11.000 I wish they had.
01:05:12.000 I know I say don't call the cops and handle it yourself, but this is one where the cops probably should have gotten involved.
01:05:17.000 Armed robbery.
01:05:18.000 Yeah.
01:05:18.000 When I say abolish prison, I'm not saying people should get away with armed robbery.
01:05:25.000 Okay, we've got the last one here.
01:05:27.000 This is the end of the show.
01:05:27.000 I hope you enjoyed it.
01:05:28.000 It was kind of a concept album.
01:05:31.000 Tomorrow we'll be back.
01:05:33.000 I said we would be in the city this week, but our building won't let us in.
01:05:36.000 Can't happen.
01:05:37.000 So we're going to keep doing these like this.
01:05:39.000 I don't think it's very different from the show.
01:05:41.000 Shit, I thought I...
01:05:44.000 Okay, we'll get them on tomorrow.
01:05:46.000 I just remembered a guest I had set up and forgot about.
01:05:50.000 Okay, let's watch this last video.
01:05:56.000 What's wrong?
01:05:57.000 I miss Kurt Cobain.
01:05:59.000 Me fucking too.
01:06:01.000 My daughter's name is Cobain.
01:06:03.000 Cobain?
01:06:04.000 Her name is Cobain Boni Kitchen.
01:06:07.000 And that's why you're sad?
01:06:09.000 Because I miss him so fucking.
01:06:11.000 Is it so late?
01:06:14.000 You're supposed to meet him for the night.
01:06:16.000 I know.
01:06:17.000 I'm fucked up, man.
01:06:19.000 I met Robert Plant, but I've let Zeppelin.
01:06:23.000 I was supposed to beat her Cobain Didn't he die.
01:06:28.000 I love me.
01:06:29.000 I could make a suicide.
01:06:31.000 The sweat off that way.
01:06:32.000 Really?
01:06:32.000 You could make suicide he woke up?
01:06:35.000 After 200 pills!
01:06:37.000 200?
01:06:37.000 What kind of pills?
01:06:39.000 Heart medicine and situation.
01:06:42.000 Now, well, I'm glad you lived because the reason you're here is to tell people about him and let his name live, okay?
01:06:49.000 Long live Kirk Cobain.
01:06:51.000 For real.
01:06:53.000 Cameron wrote it.
01:06:54.000 It's my birthday.
01:06:57.000 Unbelievable.
01:07:00.000 Get fired.
01:07:00.000 Get in trouble.
01:07:01.000 Be brave.