Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 21, 2020

S02E153 - PORN COMEDY [2020-04-21 - S02E153 - PORN COMEDY]

Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 26 minutes

Words per minute

156.60939

Word count

13,518

Sentence count

1,402

Harmful content

Misogyny

111

sentences flagged

Hate speech

73

sentences flagged

Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Ryan Higa, Gavin McInnes, and special guest Ryan Higa ( ) discuss music. They discuss the new Doja Cat song "Say So" and how it reminds them of other songs they grew up listening to. They also discuss why women aren't as talented as they seem to think they are.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.

Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .

Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .

00:00:39.000 Remind you of love me, love me, say that you love me.

00:00:44.000 Yeah, that's pretty close.

00:00:48.000 I can't dance with anyone but you.

00:00:54.000 What's who does that again?

00:00:57.000 Love me, love me, say that you love me.

00:00:59.000 The cardigans, love fool.

00:01:03.000 That was Doja Cat and her new hit Say So. 0.99

00:01:06.000 Which she seems to have ripped off from the cardigan.

00:01:12.000 There's nothing that I could do to make it do.

00:01:16.000 Mama tells me I shouldn't bother you.

00:01:22.000 Okay, now go back to the Doja Cat.

00:01:28.000 It's that funk guitar and that bass, the funk bass, and then the airy.

00:01:33.000 Catch you, motherfucker.

00:01:35.000 Catch us chilling that song.

00:01:35.000 Wow.

00:01:37.000 Wow.

00:01:39.000 See, when you are as old as my ass is, you hear shit and it reminds you of shit and you got it all up here.

00:01:47.000 You know what?

00:01:48.000 There's a lot of derivative stuff going on.

00:01:50.000 Listen to this.

00:01:51.000 I can't get you.

00:01:52.000 I don't even.

00:01:55.000 And what we have here.

00:01:57.000 Oh, there's like a remember that song Out of My Head and I'm Out of My Mind?

00:02:01.000 Yeah.

00:02:02.000 Ryan, don't do this unless you have a slam dunk.

00:02:04.000 Because I just did a slam dunk.

00:02:06.000 And yours are lame.

00:02:06.000 It's a sample.

00:02:08.000 It is.

00:02:09.000 This is like when he did Ryan's mailbag and we heard about his shitty taste in music for 15 minutes.

00:02:16.000 That's the only thing I've put on the site that I've taken down.

00:02:20.000 You took it down?

00:02:21.000 Yeah.

00:02:21.000 It's bad for the brand.

00:02:24.000 It hurts the community.

00:02:27.000 It hurts the town.

00:02:28.000 It makes people who like me look bad.

00:02:32.000 Look bad.

00:02:33.000 You do it.

00:02:34.000 I'm doing it, Gavin.

00:02:35.000 McInnes.

00:02:36.000 What are you doing, by the way, killing the whole pace of the show right now?

00:02:39.000 You tell them how to do it.

00:02:40.000 So what are you looking at?

00:02:42.000 Well, it's for my own interest.

00:02:44.000 Now you're on Brooks Brothers?

00:02:46.000 What the fuck's going on?

00:02:47.000 We're starting the show here.

00:02:48.000 There's other tabs.

00:02:51.000 You don't have to be afraid of what's going on on the computer.

00:02:58.000 So Doja Cat was known for her Moo video last year, which was weird and popular. 0.90

00:03:11.000 I think it's about tits. 1.00

00:03:15.000 really high quality green screen there yeah bitch I'm a cow bitch I'm a cow I'm not a cat I don't say now bitch I'm a cow bitch I'm a cow bitch I'm a cow bitch I'm a cow go move go move Aren't women talented? 1.00

00:03:40.000 Okay, now you're bugging me.

00:03:42.000 Now I have to know what it is.

00:03:44.000 Because I just thought of another one that's a rip-off.

00:03:47.000 What is it?

00:03:49.000 Pink, like the doo-dee-ba-doo.

00:03:54.000 She's a pop star who's mulatto, and her whole thing is like really fast, exciting dancing. 1.00

00:03:59.000 She wears high heels on the little hat, and she's very 50s-ish. 0.65

00:04:04.000 Janelle Monet?

00:04:05.000 Yes.

00:04:12.000 You gotta see the whole.

00:04:13.000 Yeah, her. 0.54

00:04:14.000 That was impressive, Ryan.

00:04:15.000 I gotta say, I didn't give you many clues.

00:04:17.000 I think like the insides of your day.

00:04:24.000 Okay.

00:04:26.000 Is this all about genitals?

00:04:28.000 Yes, it's about a vagina. 1.00

00:04:30.000 We're gonna examine this too later on the show.

00:04:32.000 Female comedians, I've noticed, are on this kick where they just gross you around and talk about common periods and pussies in order to keep your attention. 1.00

00:04:39.000 And it's pathetic.

00:04:40.000 Okay, listen to this song closely.

00:04:49.000 Okay, now look up Yaz. 0.55

00:04:51.000 I can't remember the name of the song, but they only had two hits.

00:04:57.000 I don't even want to talk in case.

00:05:01.000 Situation?

00:05:02.000 No, Yaz, it's 80s.

00:05:05.000 You see that black and white pic?

00:05:06.000 Yeah.

00:05:07.000 I don't think it's Situation, but let's hear it.

00:05:10.000 No, no, the other one.

00:05:11.000 There are other hits.

00:05:12.000 Stop, stop.

00:05:13.000 We're going to lose it in our heads.

00:05:16.000 Don't go.

00:05:21.000 Nope.

00:05:22.000 They only had two hits, and that was two, so they might have had three.

00:05:26.000 Fall apart.

00:05:27.000 Did you just go by only you?

00:05:27.000 Only you?

00:05:29.000 I just clicked only you.

00:05:30.000 No, then.

00:05:31.000 Fuck, you're making me mad.

00:05:32.000 You just went by only you.

00:05:33.000 No, I didn't.

00:05:34.000 Yes, you did.

00:05:36.000 I played only you.

00:05:38.000 No, you didn't play only you.

00:05:39.000 You just went by it.

00:05:41.000 Music Isn't that the same song?

00:06:02.000 Pink and thunder.

00:06:05.000 They just stole it.

00:06:08.000 Now go back to that.

00:06:10.000 go anywhere in the song.

00:06:11.000 Thank you.

00:06:16.000 What's with our internet?

00:06:21.000 Oh, wow.

00:06:24.000 All right.

00:06:24.000 Sorry about that.

00:06:25.000 By the way, speaking of, that's just us going off on a tangent on the fly, okay?

00:06:29.000 So it's not going to Be perfectly lined up.

00:06:31.000 We're going to be searching for things.

00:06:32.000 It's like a radio show that we do here.

00:06:34.000 But I was so impressed with yesterday's show, especially when put up against everyone else who has access to all the same technology we do.

00:06:41.000 Conan, Stephen Colbert, Saturday Night Live.

00:06:44.000 We're really seeing how talentless these famous people are and how they need a team of people to compete with us.

00:06:50.000 Like that thing with Tony Soprano calling in, I honestly can't imagine any of these people doing something of that caliber.

00:06:58.000 Probably not.

00:07:00.000 Very difficult situation.

00:07:04.000 I want to steal Pat Dixon's idea.

00:07:06.000 We'll credit him on the album, but we got to have you do a Christmas album where like Bill Burr does a song, Tony Soprano does a song.

00:07:13.000 Oh, like full song.

00:07:14.000 And sell it.

00:07:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:07:15.000 Yeah.

00:07:16.000 Yeah.

00:07:17.000 It's a Christmas album.

00:07:18.000 We'll do the commercial, but it'll be available.

00:07:21.000 That's pretty cool.

00:07:21.000 It's pretty cheap.

00:07:22.000 You just buy the song for like $60.

00:07:24.000 You have to pay royalties to the songwriters.

00:07:26.000 But those songs, especially if you're not, you know, if you're doing your own vocals, it's not that expensive.

00:07:31.000 We won't make a fortune.

00:07:32.000 Can we get our guy to do it?

00:07:34.000 It's like make tracks?

00:07:35.000 I can make some tracks too.

00:07:35.000 Yep.

00:07:37.000 Yeah, I know you can.

00:07:39.000 Speaking of the Sopranos, I was watching an old episode yesterday.

00:07:43.000 I was watching that episode where Vito gets caught being a fag. 1.00

00:07:48.000 He's a fag. 1.00

00:07:50.000 And when he goes, guys, it's a joke.

00:07:53.000 I'm doing a joke.

00:07:54.000 Joke.

00:07:55.000 It's one of the best scenes in the Sopranos.

00:07:57.000 We have to get him on the show.

00:08:00.000 Let's commit to finding him.

00:08:04.000 Well, he's got whacked.

00:08:07.000 Oh, no.

00:08:08.000 We'll get the actor who played him on the show.

00:08:10.000 Oh, I guess that's good.

00:08:11.000 Yeah, that's fun.

00:08:11.000 But we should bring on Tony Soprano when he's on.

00:08:13.000 Oh.

00:08:14.000 And talk about what a difficult situation he gave the crew.

00:08:19.000 Get my wallet.

00:08:26.000 Can you turn it up?

00:08:27.000 Is that your speaker?

00:08:29.000 it's pretty loud in here Who's he gay? 0.97

00:08:44.000 *laughs* *laughs*

00:08:48.000 That looks fun.

00:08:49.000 I wish straight bars did that. 0.84

00:08:50.000 You could just grab some hot chick by her leather and be like, I want to buy you a drink. 1.00

00:08:55.000 Fuck you, you hot chick. 1.00

00:08:58.000 What the fuck?

00:08:59.000 Sal.

00:08:59.000 Hey, fuck you doing?

00:09:01.000 Nothing.

00:09:03.000 I was here.

00:09:04.000 It's a joke.

00:09:05.000 I was here.

00:09:09.000 Guys, come on.

00:09:10.000 It's okay.

00:09:11.000 You think so?

00:09:12.000 Sal, please.

00:09:13.000 The little hack.

00:09:15.000 Sure.

00:09:16.000 It's a joke.

00:09:17.000 Say hi to your wife.

00:09:18.000 I'm serious.

00:09:19.000 I'm Sal, please.

00:09:21.000 Dead.

00:09:22.000 And then this space.

00:09:25.000 When he realizes I'm fucked.

00:09:27.000 Fuck those jerks.

00:09:28.000 What do you care what they think?

00:09:31.000 What?

00:09:32.000 Leave me the fuck alone. 0.97

00:09:34.000 Okay, we're getting him on the show.

00:09:36.000 I guaranteed.

00:09:37.000 Guaranteed.

00:09:39.000 All right, shall we start after all this nattering and bleathering?

00:09:43.000 Shall we get serious?

00:09:45.000 I just sent you this article, by the way.

00:09:46.000 It's not in the notes.

00:09:48.000 Chris Cuomo did this thing on CNN where he's coming out of quarantine.

00:09:54.000 Finally.

00:09:55.000 Oh, look, it's Groundhog Day.

00:09:57.000 Did Chris Cuomo see his shadow?

00:10:00.000 How many more months of quarantine will we get if Chris Cuomo didn't see his shadow?

00:10:05.000 CNN stages Chris Cuomo's phony exit from basement quarantine.

00:10:09.000 Keep going down.

00:10:12.000 In the annals of propaganda, CNN LOL's cynical and dishonest attempt to turn Chris Cuomo into some kind of selfless coronavirus folk hero is the fake newsiest fake news in all fake news.

00:10:23.000 When did Breitbart get so funny?

00:10:25.000 A little bit of we here in terms of what this Georgia reopening means for the rest of us and obviously to the people there and a little bit of me here as well.

00:10:33.000 We had a huge day today in Casa Cuomo.

00:10:36.000 Take a look at this.

00:10:37.000 Take a look at this.

00:10:38.000 All right, here is the official reentry from the basement.

00:10:44.000 Cleared by CDC, a little sweaty, just worked out.

00:10:47.000 Happens.

00:10:48.000 This is what I've been dreaming of, literally for weeks.

00:10:53.000 My wife, she was cleared by the CDC.

00:10:58.000 She doesn't have fever.

00:10:59.000 That's enough.

00:11:00.000 We don't talk about coronavirus on this show.

00:11:02.000 But keep going down because we're all just pretending that he wasn't at his Hampton's house that he's building last week.

00:11:16.000 Look, click on definitely confirmed.

00:11:22.000 So yeah, so Chris Cuomo, we talked about this.

00:11:25.000 I don't know if we talked about this actually.

00:11:26.000 Last week, what's the date there?

00:11:28.000 April 14th.

00:11:29.000 So last week, he leaves his house to go and check on this.

00:11:34.000 He's building a house in the Hamptons with all this awesome money.

00:11:38.000 And some guy on a fat tire bike said, hey, aren't you Chris Cuomo?

00:11:41.000 Shouldn't you be quarantined?

00:11:43.000 And he said, fuck you.

00:11:44.000 And then he was so mad that he couldn't fight the guy that he said, I'm going to get you one day.

00:11:49.000 And the guy went to the police and he was so mad he couldn't fight him that he said on his radio show or a radio interview that he's done with CNN saying ridiculous shit and he hates that he can't be himself and go fight the guy.

00:12:02.000 So he gave away that this happened and he was at the Hamptons.

00:12:07.000 Now, when you have this virus, as we learned from Andy Cohen when he was on Howard Stern, after you're done, even after you're done, you need another 10 days just to be super safe.

00:12:22.000 So he wasn't technically done at that point, and he went off to the Hamptons.

00:12:28.000 So that violates the rules.

00:12:30.000 And whether the rules are right or not is a whole other story.

00:12:34.000 So here's my theory.

00:12:36.000 You ready for this?

00:12:38.000 He never had it.

00:12:40.000 He lied to get attention, right?

00:12:43.000 What is your job about when you're doing a show like that?

00:12:45.000 It's about ratings.

00:12:46.000 How do you get ratings?

00:12:47.000 Get coronavirus.

00:12:48.000 Now you're part of the story.

00:12:49.000 Now you're in the news.

00:12:51.000 I'm part of the news cycle.

00:12:52.000 People should check out my show.

00:12:54.000 It's me being sick.

00:12:56.000 Oh, he has his hat on.

00:12:58.000 I don't have time to do my hair.

00:12:59.000 I'm too sick.

00:13:00.000 I can't comb my hair.

00:13:03.000 And then he slowly gets better and then he comes out of hiding and We have the official scene.

00:13:08.000 Meanwhile, everyone saw him in the Hamptons.

00:13:11.000 So, the other crazy part about this is if you do a lie like that, you got to start getting paranoid.

00:13:18.000 Maybe he smoked a joint or something, or he did adder all and he started overthinking it.

00:13:21.000 And he goes, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:13:25.000 This was a good move, right?

00:13:27.000 I'm getting a lot of attention.

00:13:28.000 But what if people find out like that fat tire thing?

00:13:33.000 That's becoming a big thing.

00:13:35.000 That shows that I never had it in the first place because I was either breaking the rules or full of shit.

00:13:40.000 What if I get fired?

00:13:42.000 I'm going to need a story.

00:13:44.000 Okay, I got it.

00:13:46.000 I'm going to say that I'm sick of CNN.

00:13:48.000 And then when they fire me, part of my negotiation will be, can I do the narrative?

00:13:54.000 And then the narrative will be, I just got tired of it.

00:13:56.000 Having the coronavirus really woke me up to what my priorities are.

00:14:00.000 And I don't like CNN.

00:14:01.000 So they're not dumping me.

00:14:02.000 I'm dumping them.

00:14:04.000 And CNN doesn't want a lawsuit.

00:14:06.000 They just want to wash their hair of it.

00:14:08.000 So they go, yeah, sure.

00:14:09.000 Because him lying about having the disease looks bad on them, too.

00:14:13.000 So they kind of like this plan B also.

00:14:17.000 That is my theory.

00:14:20.000 What do you think?

00:14:22.000 We'll soon find out.

00:14:23.000 No, actually we never will Also in politics Cardi B Was talking to Bernie Sanders?

00:14:35.000 I don't know how old this is.

00:14:37.000 It's pretty old.

00:14:40.000 You know, I'm just going to go with Joe Biden because I cannot see the next of America.

00:14:46.000 This is a woman that lots of people look up to and they want to hear about politics and the news from.

00:14:52.000 Wouldn't you love to see her have to read Moby Dick and provide a book report on it and what possible allegories could be derived from this story?

00:15:05.000 And she has to read it aloud.

00:15:07.000 I want to see her reading it out loud.

00:15:10.000 Can you imagine the words she'd get stuck on?

00:15:12.000 Like wail.

00:15:14.000 And then he fucking, the motherfucker shows up to a Wahali. 1.00

00:15:20.000 I don't know what the fuck a Wahali is. 1.00

00:15:25.000 I think, and I, and I don't know, you told me, I think we're going to enter like a recession.

00:15:33.000 You know, I'm thinking.

00:15:34.000 Yeah, the economy might start looking pretty bad at some point.

00:15:38.000 We might have the Dow Jones may possibly go down.

00:15:41.000 Maybe the price of oil will reach record lows at some point.

00:15:46.000 I don't know.

00:15:46.000 I think the economy is in peril.

00:15:50.000 Good guess, Cardi B. That might happen at some point.

00:15:52.000 Keep going, though.

00:15:54.000 Stop shuffling around.

00:15:56.000 Not see the next step of America being ran by number 45.

00:16:02.000 Like, I think, and I, and I don't know, you taught me, I think we're.

00:16:06.000 17 seconds.

00:16:06.000 It's a loop.

00:16:08.000 Oh, that's a loop?

00:16:09.000 I thought she said more shit.

00:16:11.000 Wait, play it again because she doesn't know what a recession is, and she doesn't know what another term is. 0.89

00:16:16.000 So she says, like, another thing with number 45.

00:16:20.000 And you know, I'm just going to go with Joe Biden because I cannot see the next step of America being ran by number 45.

00:16:30.000 The next step of America.

00:16:32.000 As you know, in politics, the president is allowed two steps of America.

00:16:37.000 They are four years each.

00:16:41.000 So ultimately, the two steps take eight years.

00:16:46.000 Also in the news, speaking of Biden, this is jumping to 33.

00:16:52.000 I'm almost not looking forward to the meme wars.

00:16:56.000 Like, say we invaded, all of our military invaded the Congo.

00:17:00.000 Can you imagine the carnage that would be?

00:17:02.000 It would just be like, the whole war would take like an afternoon.

00:17:06.000 And I think I would watch, no matter what the Congo did, say they did 9-11 and that was our retaliation, I'd still just sort of go, oh, God. 0.93

00:17:15.000 And that's what it's going to be like as Biden runs against Donald Trump.

00:17:21.000 Nobody in the world, literally, can fuck with him, can take him down.

00:17:26.000 He destroys world leaders, destroys entire continents like Europe, trivializes all of Europe like that. 0.87

00:17:33.000 And one of the weirdest people, even if it was my local bar and there was Joe Biden there, we'd all sort of, 100% of the people, like at the bar where we get our chicken sandwiches there, I won't say its name.

00:17:47.000 But even at that bar, if Joe Biden was a regular, we'd all be like, hey, man, hey, there's Joe.

00:17:54.000 And you'd dread sitting next to him.

00:17:56.000 If you show up at the bar and there's only one stool and it's next to Joe, you'd be like, fuck.

00:18:01.000 Hey, buddy.

00:18:02.000 How are you, man?

00:18:03.000 All right.

00:18:04.000 Hey, you know what?

00:18:04.000 This next one's on me.

00:18:06.000 Like, there's another guy at another bar who's like that with the thin little mustache, and he's special, the young Hispanic guy.

00:18:14.000 And we're all really nice to him.

00:18:15.000 And sometimes he smells bad.

00:18:16.000 You say, hey, man, you should probably have a shower or something.

00:18:18.000 He's part of the crew.

00:18:19.000 It's sort of like when we were kids, there'd always be one retard. 1.00

00:18:22.000 Every bar has one special guy, and that is Joe Biden.

00:18:25.000 So anyway, the idea of plucking that one special guy from your local bar and putting him up against a fucking tiger, well, you're just asking to become Carol Baskin's husband, which means destroyed.

00:18:41.000 Anyway, here's one meme of we're about to see a billion of these.

00:18:45.000 And it's almost too easy.

00:18:46.000 I've got hairy legs.

00:18:53.000 I love kids jumping on my legs.

00:18:55.000 I say vision softly creeping.

00:19:02.000 Wait, didn't I have another Biden?

00:19:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:19:05.000 So 3-4, what he's doing now is he says, hey, honey, can you come on with me?

00:19:09.000 And when I'm trying to think of that thing, whether it's the Constitution or all men are created equal, can you just sort of nudge me and help me?

00:19:18.000 Because you're really good at helping me remember things.

00:19:20.000 So why don't you sit next to me now and we can get through this together?

00:19:26.000 We gotta.

00:19:28.000 It's just, but you gotta, I mean, we gotta reassure.

00:19:33.000 Look, my, my.

00:19:36.000 Oh, oh, no.

00:19:39.000 I'm with Joe.

00:19:41.000 I saw this great meme too where it said, I think it was the Babylon B, which is really fucking good.

00:19:47.000 It's better than the onion.

00:19:48.000 And they said, Joe Biden welcomes the support of his old pal cornpop and it had obama's face you don't remember this but biden has like a four-hour story he did that same where he said i have hairy legs at that same thing he did this long story about a gangster named cornpop that he almost fought with a straight razor but he had a chain i like corn pop whoa what's going on with obama's hair he looks like a punk he's got a leopard skin hair dude that

00:20:18.000 Looks cool.

00:20:19.000 By the way, why does Anthony Cumia dye his hair?

00:20:22.000 Does he?

00:20:23.000 Oh, yeah, he soy sauces it.

00:20:24.000 I don't know.

00:20:25.000 I would love to have gray hair.

00:20:27.000 It's not a secret how old you are.

00:20:29.000 He's a silver fox.

00:20:30.000 Yeah, I'd love to have a Glenn Beck.

00:20:33.000 It's a good look.

00:20:34.000 I like corn pops and hair.

00:20:37.000 What was that?

00:20:39.000 Joe Biden.

00:20:41.000 That's not Joe Biden.

00:20:42.000 That's Owen Benjamin.

00:20:44.000 I'm trying.

00:20:45.000 Yeah, don't do impressions on this show that you haven't worked on.

00:20:48.000 I've worked on it a little bit.

00:20:50.000 You've worked on your Joe Biden?

00:20:51.000 Let's hear it again then.

00:20:52.000 Maybe I didn't get enough.

00:20:53.000 And let's see your face.

00:20:54.000 I like corn pops.

00:20:56.000 And I like hair.

00:20:57.000 See, the hair part loses it.

00:20:59.000 That was terrible.

00:21:00.000 No, he's got a thing.

00:21:01.000 He's kind of doing an Obama thing.

00:21:03.000 Now, American people, I'm Joe.

00:21:07.000 Yeah, he cuts off like the end of his...

00:21:10.000 What are you, Joe Dirt?

00:21:11.000 That was fucking pathetic.

00:21:13.000 I got hairy legs.

00:21:15.000 Yeah.

00:21:16.000 I got hairy legs.

00:21:18.000 And the kids would come up and they would say, Joe.

00:21:21.000 The Constitution says all men are created. 0.99

00:21:25.000 Then they...

00:21:27.000 You know the thing.

00:21:28.000 You know the thing.

00:21:30.000 It's just like George W. Bush where he goes, fool me once.

00:21:32.000 That's my bad.

00:21:35.000 Fool me twice.

00:21:37.000 Won't get fooled again.

00:21:41.000 And then the who come on stage.

00:21:42.000 Dan, Dan, Dan.

00:21:44.000 That would be funny.

00:21:46.000 Someone should put George W. Bush's...

00:21:48.000 To the CSI.

00:21:51.000 Yeah.

00:21:52.000 And when the chorus comes in, instead of, won't get fooled again.

00:21:57.000 It's George W. Bush going, won't get fooled again.

00:22:00.000 He won't fool me again.

00:22:02.000 Show this 3-1, this Obama thing he said, where he said, we have to endorse Joe Biden because it's not a fair fight.

00:22:08.000 Look at that.

00:22:10.000 The other side has a massive war chest.

00:22:12.000 The other side has a propaganda network with little regard for the truth.

00:22:15.000 So he's saying, we're up against Fox News, guys.

00:22:18.000 That's one network.

00:22:21.000 And Ted Cruz pointed out, Dems only have eight of the 10 richest American billionaires, including Bloomberg, Bezos, who owns the Washington Post, by the way, and uses it to shit on Trump, and the Google founders, plus Soros and Steyer.

00:22:36.000 And we've only got ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Washington Post, New York Times, and just about every other newspaper in America.

00:22:45.000 How can we compete on money and podcasts?

00:22:48.000 propaganda the audacity that he said that the thing that always bothers me about Obama is I can't figure out if he's knowingly saying falsehoods because he knows they'll catch on or does he think that's true like does he honestly believe that the right is winning the propaganda wars because we have Fox News How can you think that?

00:23:09.000 Or when he said women get paid less than men. 0.99

00:23:13.000 That's such a quick Google.

00:23:16.000 I honestly don't have the answers.

00:23:19.000 Okay, final news on my political section.

00:23:25.000 Oh, God, he's so embarrassing.

00:23:27.000 What?

00:23:29.000 This happened.

00:23:30.000 Moist talking. 0.89

00:23:33.000 3-2.

00:23:34.000 This is pretty old news, but I thought it was interesting that one of the reasons given for Laura Loomer being banned from Facebook is that she is associated with dangerous persons.

00:23:46.000 For Miss Loomer, Facebook identified the fact that she'd appeared with Gavin McInnis and expressed support for Faith Goldie, who's on today's show, both of whom were previously banned from Facebook pursuant to the DIO Dangerous Individuals and Organizations policy as examples of Miss Loomer's conduct contributing to a removal under the DIO policy, the motion notes.

00:24:08.000 So Facebook, scroll down.

00:24:09.000 Why are you just sitting there?

00:24:10.000 Go down.

00:24:11.000 I think I'm in that article.

00:24:14.000 Like a picture of me.

00:24:14.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:24:16.000 I have that bar in my basement.

00:24:19.000 We got to build a new studio.

00:24:21.000 Yeah.

00:24:22.000 So because she appeared on my show, she is associating with dangerous individuals.

00:24:27.000 Not what she said on the show.

00:24:29.000 She could have been on the show saying, I hate you.

00:24:31.000 You're a white supremacist.

00:24:32.000 Black Lives Matter.

00:24:33.000 You're a cop lover.

00:24:34.000 Fuck you.

00:24:36.000 No, she's appeared with me.

00:24:38.000 So by those rights, Joe Rogan should go.

00:24:41.000 David Duke was on CNN.

00:24:43.000 CNN should go.

00:24:45.000 Richard Spencer was on ESPN.

00:24:48.000 ESPN has to go.

00:24:50.000 Is this what we do now?

00:24:51.000 When you speak to someone, you're associating with dangerous individuals.

00:24:55.000 So I think this is looking really good for her lawsuit.

00:24:59.000 And this for her candidacy.

00:25:02.000 Yes.

00:25:02.000 Oh, yeah, that was a good little retweet.

00:25:06.000 And she's only on censored.tv. 0.91

00:25:09.000 All right, enough politics.

00:25:11.000 Let's talk about something no one is talking about, which is this bizarre shooting that left 19 dead.

00:25:20.000 Now, there was a press conference about it yesterday.

00:25:22.000 I sent you this as a separate email that's pretty funny.

00:25:25.000 So we'll start light on something that's incredibly sad and disturbing.

00:25:31.000 Cut me out of it.

00:25:35.000 Maura Warbrington from Reuters.

00:25:39.000 Hi, I'm Jerry Gov. Can you hear me okay?

00:25:43.000 Yeah, we can hear you.

00:25:44.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:25:50.000 Okay, that's enough.

00:25:52.000 Look how incompetent everyone else is.

00:25:54.000 I'm sorry.

00:25:55.000 I'm not bragging.

00:25:56.000 I'm not bragging.

00:25:57.000 But the RCMP can't even handle a Phone call.

00:26:01.000 They can't even handle a press conference.

00:26:03.000 They don't even know how to use Zoom.

00:26:05.000 But that was about this mass shooting that went on in Nova Scotia.

00:26:09.000 Rural Nova Scotia.

00:26:11.000 Now, it's hard to explain to Canadians how hokey, safe, non-violent, non-diverse rural Nova Scotia is.

00:26:20.000 Urban Nova Scotia is abandoned.

00:26:23.000 So when you get rural, I don't even know if doors have locks.

00:26:26.000 And the idea, the CBC saw you as a white male, so they're trying to push this like Nazi shit.

00:26:33.000 And they're saying that he's a white supremacist or something just because he's white.

00:26:37.000 But, okay, say you're the worst Nazi in the world.

00:26:40.000 You're not mad in rural Nova Scotia.

00:26:42.000 There's no Muslims, blacks, Jews.

00:26:43.000 There's no one up there but Normis.

00:26:46.000 So why would you go on a rampage?

00:26:48.000 I don't have the answers for this, but Faith Goldie19 wrote a good article about this.

00:26:54.000 And she said it, I can't figure this out, but she goes, the Nova Scotia shooting occurred on April 19th, anniversary to several other notable massacres.

00:27:03.000 This is 1.9, Ryan.

00:27:04.000 1.9.

00:27:06.000 Yep.

00:27:07.000 Oh, it's misnumbered.

00:27:08.000 Mine starts with 2.8.

00:27:10.000 It's between 3.9 and 4.0.

00:27:14.000 Oh, actually, the link is 4.0.

00:27:15.000 Sorry, I've said 1.9.

00:27:16.000 It's 19 dead.

00:27:17.000 Gotcha.

00:27:18.000 It's 4.0.

00:27:19.000 So the Nova Scotia shooting happened on April 19th.

00:27:22.000 It's an anniversary of the Oklahoma bombing in 1995 and the Waco siege in 1993.

00:27:29.000 And it's just one day before the Columbine High School shooting.

00:27:33.000 That's kind of weird, too.

00:27:35.000 Go up a bit.

00:27:36.000 That's the guy.

00:27:36.000 He looks like a chick.

00:27:38.000 No, that's him there, but he's also, that's a picture of him in the yearbook.

00:27:42.000 And we don't know anything about this.

00:27:43.000 So Faith always knows these things.

00:27:46.000 Let's go to her for the answers.

00:27:49.000 Let's go.

00:27:58.000 Faith, are you there?

00:28:00.000 I'm here, Gavin.

00:28:02.000 How are you?

00:28:02.000 I'm good.

00:28:03.000 What the fuck is going on?

00:28:05.000 I don't understand.

00:28:07.000 In Nova Scotia or just the world generally is my question.

00:28:10.000 Well, that's a bit too big of a bite, but let's just nibble on Nova Scotia.

00:28:15.000 The biggest slaughter in Canadian history.

00:28:19.000 he must have spent months making that fake cop car because it looks perfect.

00:28:24.000 And then he goes, I understand that there's some disgruntled ex in there.

00:28:32.000 Yeah, you kill your ex-wife.

00:28:34.000 We all do.

00:28:35.000 But then just randomly shooting people for 62 miles?

00:28:39.000 This is the most confusing thing.

00:28:42.000 And the biggest confusion is the fact this guy doesn't seem to fit your usual mass shooter profile.

00:28:48.000 51-year-old white guy by the name of Gabriel, aka Gabe Wortman, a denturist, which is a type of dentist.

00:28:54.000 They make dentures for a living in the most rural, the most smallest of small towns in Nova Scotia.

00:29:01.000 Now, I know you know what that is, Gavin, but for your audience, we're talking about, you know, the rural sticks of Canada, so to speak.

00:29:08.000 These are people who live in towns who all know each other.

00:29:11.000 They've known each other for generations.

00:29:14.000 And this is where, you know, you're more likely to have your neighbors bake you a pie than set your house on fire.

00:29:20.000 That's for darn sure.

00:29:21.000 So what happened was this weekend, Buddy goes into a rampage just before midnight on Saturday night and proceeds for the next 12 hours dressed up in an RCMP uniform.

00:29:33.000 We don't know if it was a real or a fake uniform because, well, he was killed and police have only told us so much about the specifics, let alone the motives.

00:29:43.000 And he's got, I believe, two different mock-up cruisers, i.e., from my understanding from the press conferences and the news circulating, these were cop cars that had been retired that he purchased.

00:29:55.000 And then usually they take the decals off, that sort of stuff, he had remade them as you would, you know, like toy soldiers or whatever to look like the authentic stuff.

00:30:04.000 And so he basically goes on this murderous tirade for over 12 hours.

00:30:08.000 He begins by killing his ex, either wife or girlfriend, her new lover.

00:30:13.000 And he's, there's 16 crime scenes in about 100 kilometers, about 16 miles of stretch of Nova Scotia, where 16 crime scenes, six houses have been burnt down.

00:30:25.000 And the reason why the death toll keeps on rising, we're at about 19 right now, is because six of those crime scenes were burnt down houses, including his own.

00:30:34.000 And so they keep on finding more and more remains of people in there.

00:30:37.000 And Gavin, what's getting the most about this story, besides the lack of motive that's being expressed to us, which I'm sure we'll get to in a second, is the stories of the people who have been killed.

00:30:46.000 Gavin, these people are just average kind of Joe Six Packs or local heroes, nurses, you know, RCMP officers, junior school teachers that have been killed seemingly, seemingly rather, indiscriminately.

00:31:05.000 And in one case, at least we know about he executed parents in front of their children.

00:31:11.000 So this is beyond horrific.

00:31:13.000 This is beyond a lasting impact on a community.

00:31:16.000 It's definitely sent shockwaves through the country.

00:31:19.000 Am I greedy to want to know the motive immediately?

00:31:23.000 This is where I start to get conspiratorial.

00:31:25.000 We have digital footprints of everyone.

00:31:27.000 We always know motives right away.

00:31:29.000 And then there's these strange cases, like Vegas still boggles the mind.

00:31:33.000 We know nothing about Vegas.

00:31:36.000 And remember that mosque shooting from a few years ago that you went and investigated?

00:31:42.000 And I distinctly remember there was a brown person, I think he was a Muslim, and the white kid.

00:31:47.000 They both were involved in the shooting.

00:31:50.000 And then he just vanished from the picture.

00:31:52.000 And it was one white kid.

00:31:55.000 Well, I can't talk about that anymore because last time I did, I was dubbed a, you know, conspiracy theorist across the entire country for daring to report the facts as they emerged, even though, of course, they're incredibly fluid situations with an active shooter situation or, you know, one of these mass murders.

00:32:12.000 But no, it's not greedy to want to know the motive.

00:32:16.000 In today's day and age, we're used to people having at least some sort of social media or at least some sort of written manifesto, even if it's a damn page for us to know why the hell you would go in the middle of a quarantine and a pandemic as A well-educated, white-collared, white-skinned boomer male, and go start shooting indiscriminately in a small town in rural Canada.

00:32:40.000 I don't think that that's selfish or greedy whatsoever.

00:32:44.000 It's what's expected.

00:32:45.000 And because of the lack of motive, it leads people to go down conspiracy alley and start to say, Is this some sort of MK Ultra?

00:32:52.000 We don't know, like plot to take away our guns.

00:32:54.000 We all know Trudeau wants to come for our guns.

00:32:56.000 And unironically, he does want to come for our guns.

00:32:58.000 And you will see him start to make gestures and overtures to essentially opportunize, be opportunistic rather, about this situation.

00:33:07.000 Look, it's either the guy had a mental illness that we don't know about still.

00:33:11.000 He is going to be fashioned to be a right-wing conspiracy nutjob, which you're already seeing media and politicians starting to do because wait for it, Gavin.

00:33:20.000 The guy flew an American flag outside of his house.

00:33:24.000 Therefore, as the Saskatchewan Herald put it, the guy is a Caucasian terrorist, a white wing Caucasian terrorist, because he flew the national flag of our ally and neighbor.

00:33:39.000 So, I mean, I shouldn't be laughing about it, but I mean, it's quite the leak.

00:33:43.000 If I were to say something remotely similar to that, just the inverse, people would call me a looney tune.

00:33:49.000 So mental illness, right-wing conspiracy not, which is what we're seeing them push for right now.

00:33:55.000 One possibility that I would explore, Gavin, as simple and perhaps, you know, low IQ as it sounds, did the guy just go postal during quarantine?

00:34:05.000 Is this a pandemic lockdown pushing some people who might have had predispositions to various sorts of neuroses, et cetera, to go over the edge and live out some sort of psychotic evil fantasies?

00:34:18.000 Because we know that at times of recession, et cetera, et cetera, things like violent crimes, things like homicides, like suicides all start to spike.

00:34:26.000 And so there is no doubt going to be more violent crime.

00:34:29.000 And is this just, I don't want to say a statistic, but is this just a bellwether of things to come?

00:34:35.000 So certainly a lot of questions, but with the lack of the information to be given by the RCMP or authorities, you can't blame people for starting to get conspiratorial.

00:34:43.000 If there's no they're there, then let us know at least where you're at as opposed to being completely mum on it as if the motive doesn't matter because people will start to input their own agenda.

00:34:55.000 Yeah, I had it like my conspiracy for a while was that someone was trying to make guns more illegal in Canada, if that's possible.

00:35:03.000 Because it worked in New Zealand, right?

00:35:05.000 I don't know if that was what the guy was going for, but he wanted there to be a gun crackdown so there'd be a revolution.

00:35:11.000 They just got the gun crackdown part. 0.94

00:35:13.000 But the idea that they'd, what, train this super soldier into being a mass killer just to make guns look bad, that seems absurd.

00:35:19.000 I like your theory much better that pandemics and forced quarantine has consequences.

00:35:26.000 And the left wants this to go till August.

00:35:29.000 Yeah, we're going to see more.

00:35:32.000 Top scientists.

00:35:33.000 Yes, top scientists are saying till 2021.

00:35:36.000 Justin Trudeau keeps on kicking in the can, you know, and it's kind of hilarious because we've got these media people who are telling us, you know, stay inside and it saves lives.

00:35:45.000 Meanwhile, they're exempt from staying inside.

00:35:47.000 We've got politicians who are slowly starting to return to parliament in my country of Canada.

00:35:51.000 We're saying staying inside, it saves lives.

00:35:54.000 Meanwhile, what about normal people who have to pay bills, pay for their cars, pay for their houses, just do simple things like get milk for their kids?

00:36:03.000 And it's become this whole situation.

00:36:06.000 And look, maybe the guy was, and I'm not excusing, I'm trying to find a motive, which is something that any natural person, especially someone who works in media, would be doing right now.

00:36:17.000 Maybe he had this ex and the ex had a new lover and he was there quarantined by himself.

00:36:22.000 And it just started to make him crazy that she was with this guy and he was by himself.

00:36:26.000 And, you know, he's looking around.

00:36:27.000 He says, I've got this cruiser.

00:36:29.000 I've got these, this uniform.

00:36:30.000 I've got these firearms.

00:36:32.000 Let's have at her. 0.99

00:36:33.000 And so.

00:36:34.000 Wait a minute.

00:36:35.000 Wait a minute.

00:36:36.000 That makes sense until we go back and we went, it takes months to make a fake cop car and get all the decals correct.

00:36:44.000 Totally, which suggests that it's not any sort of mental illness or a mental break, unless it was just a matter of happenstance.

00:36:50.000 You know, like you could have a legally acquired firearm and then snap and then use something that was supposed to be for other purposes, for bad purposes.

00:36:56.000 And I would argue maybe he did.

00:36:58.000 Again, I don't know.

00:36:59.000 I'm not a crime psychologist.

00:37:00.000 All I know is from the sources I have talked to from cops, from people who are shoe leather journalists, who have very good relations with cops, is that everything right now is gossip.

00:37:09.000 The only sort of indication we have of any sort of motive is this damn American flag that was flying outside of his house.

00:37:16.000 Besides that, the guy, you know, is a serial arsonist.

00:37:19.000 We don't even know how many people were really shot versus how many people were burned alive inside their homes.

00:37:23.000 Don't forget the vast majority of this murder spree happened between midnight and 12 p.m. the next day.

00:37:31.000 So most people were getting burned alive and shot in the middle of the night.

00:37:36.000 And also, what happened to the Canadian police response?

00:37:40.000 Why did it take 12 hours in a rural town to find a guy who was driving in a very specific type of car?

00:37:48.000 I understand that perhaps his victims would have found it hard to discern him from the real guys, but the real guys should have been able to figure out who it was.

00:37:55.000 And I'm sorry I don't have more answers for you, Gavin, but we as a Canadian people don't have any answers right now.

00:38:00.000 So all I've got are a million different questions firing on all cylinders.

00:38:04.000 And I want to know answers before our politicians and liberal do-gooders start to find solutions to problems that don't exist, i.e.

00:38:10.000 more gun control in a country that is already completely, you know, slapped and up.

00:38:15.000 We've got gun control up our rear ends, okay?

00:38:17.000 So we don't need any more gun control.

00:38:19.000 What we do need to know is this guy's motive.

00:38:21.000 Faith, you did a great job with that mosque shooting.

00:38:23.000 You were the only one to discover that something was up with that.

00:38:26.000 And I had you on this show to explain what happened with that shooting.

00:38:29.000 You provided no information.

00:38:31.000 Now we have more questions than when we started.

00:38:34.000 You've been a complete disappointment.

00:38:36.000 You let me down.

00:38:37.000 You let my viewers down.

00:38:38.000 And you let North America down.

00:38:41.000 You let all of Canada down and all of America down. 0.76

00:38:43.000 What's that?

00:38:44.000 370 million people.

00:38:47.000 That's the worst.

00:38:48.000 That's more of a catastrophe.

00:38:50.000 You want a job for the Toronto Star?

00:38:52.000 That sounds like a real Toronto Star byline for Faith Goldie.

00:38:56.000 Yeah.

00:38:56.000 I just wrote an article for the Toronto Star about Faith Goldie.

00:39:01.000 You're welcome, journalists.

00:39:02.000 Okay, God bless you, Gavin.

00:39:04.000 Thanks for coming on.

00:39:05.000 My pleasure.

00:39:05.000 My pleasure.

00:39:14.000 You know who Faith reminds me of?

00:39:19.000 Chloe Sevigny.

00:39:23.000 Christopher Hitchens says this, and it's a good segue into what we were going to talk about next.

00:39:28.000 Being funny and appreciating humor are not the same thing.

00:39:31.000 And Chloe Sevenye, I've hung out with her a bunch.

00:39:34.000 We were, I would call us friends.

00:39:37.000 She isn't funny per se, but she totally gets jokes and has a very highbrow understanding of comedy and laughs at all the right stuff. 0.99

00:39:48.000 And faith is the same way.

00:39:50.000 But speaking of women being funny, I was reminded of Hitchens 3.7.

00:39:57.000 Remember he wrote that article in Vanity Fair about how women aren't funny?

00:40:00.000 And they wrote a terrible rebuttal?

00:40:04.000 An immodest rebuttal.

00:40:06.000 Wow, that was already 2008?

00:40:09.000 It seems like yesterday.

00:40:11.000 That was the year I left Vice.

00:40:16.000 Yeah, so after he wrote this article, there's obviously an incredible amount of backlash.

00:40:19.000 So they had a woman or funny front page that had the seven funny women in the world.

00:40:25.000 In a world where 50% of the population is female, one man had the audacity to write an article titled, Why Women Aren't Funny.

00:40:34.000 Now, Sarah Silverman, Tina Faye, Amy Bullert, and writer Alessandra Stanley are striking back.

00:40:39.000 Who the fuck's Alessandra Stanley? 1.00

00:40:41.000 She must have written the article.

00:40:43.000 Think again.

00:40:45.000 There's only a dispute about what the answer is.

00:40:48.000 There is no question that for women, the need or ability to be funny is tremendously less than it is among men.

00:41:02.000 Nobody has been found to deny that.

00:41:04.000 Alessandra doesn't even try to deny it.

00:41:08.000 If you were to ask me, has reading her article made me reconsider my view that women aren't, as a gender, funny, I would say very much to the contrary. 0.99

00:41:20.000 She's been unable to write this piece without direct reference to the exceptions I made as well as the examples that I gave.

00:41:26.000 And she even at one point echoes what I think is my strongest point, namely that women don't need to be funny. 1.00

00:41:33.000 That for most men, if they can't make women laugh, they are out of the evolutionary contest. 0.97

00:41:38.000 They are never going to get laid. 0.71

00:41:40.000 Most men are fantastically unattractive.

00:41:43.000 what women see in them is mysterious to most men as well as most women.

00:41:46.000 If you can't make a laugh That's enough.

00:41:52.000 So smooth.

00:41:53.000 He reminds me of Maker's Mark on the Rocks.

00:41:55.000 Like, you just feel good.

00:41:57.000 Strong but smooth.

00:41:58.000 And what a cruel punishment God gave him, esophagal cancer.

00:42:02.000 So you took away the one thing that he's best at, talking.

00:42:06.000 So after that came out, and right before Chick Ghostbusters came out, a guy named Paul Fagg did an article for the Telegraph called Men Aren't Funny.

00:42:19.000 Women are funnier than men. 1.00

00:42:21.000 For example, here's a big fat bitch who fell off a scooter. 1.00

00:42:26.000 Here's Melissa McCarthy doing slapstick. 1.00

00:42:30.000 Melissa McCarthy is pretty funny. 0.67

00:42:32.000 Nice website, by the way, guys.

00:42:35.000 This is their site.

00:42:36.000 I think you may want to be a little more subtle with your links to your various social media.

00:42:43.000 Anyway, so this is Paul Figg.

00:42:46.000 He's the guy who did the female Ghostbusters, which flopped, and which, by the way, they blamed on sexism.

00:42:52.000 That's why.

00:42:53.000 Same with Charlie's Angels that we watched.

00:42:56.000 Charlie's Angels with the Asian chick didn't exist according to their logic because they said Charlie's Angels bomb because of sexism.

00:43:03.000 Meanwhile, there's already been a Charlie's Angels with Drew Barrymore that made a fortune.

00:43:06.000 Anyway, that was for another episode, but this is Paul Fagg.

00:43:09.000 My closest friends have always been women, and my best friends growing up were girls.

00:43:14.000 I'm a very feminized guy, I guess.

00:43:17.000 I find the female sense of humor much funnier than male humor because it's less aggressive, and I find it supportive and fun.

00:43:26.000 He's not gay, if you can imagine that. 0.96

00:43:29.000 Anyway, he went on to make one of the worst movies ever, which was so, even the concept was stupid.

00:43:35.000 Anyone who's seen the way a woman reacts to a spider in the bathtub, had a lot of trouble with them walking through Times Square. 0.87

00:43:41.000 Fighting was essentially hell.

00:43:43.000 I mean, all of these demons coming up from the ground, if that's not hell, I don't know what is.

00:43:48.000 So if they can't handle a spider, they can likely not handle Satan.

00:43:52.000 Anyway, this reminds me of a pattern I've been noticing that I mentioned earlier about the prevalence of gross-out comedy when females do stand up. 1.00

00:44:05.000 It's downright disturbing, and I'd like to give you five examples, if I may.

00:44:10.000 Hi.

00:44:16.000 Hi, and welcome to Come Tits, the show where we explore female comedy. 0.94

00:44:22.000 As you know, women tend not to be funny. 1.00

00:44:24.000 Women are not as funny as men, and Hitchens pointed it out beautifully where he explained they don't have to be. 0.98

00:44:30.000 So there are, of course, funny women, plenty of funny women, dozens and dozens of funny women in a population of 331 million. 1.00

00:44:38.000 But for some reason, Netflix and comedy clubs feel compelled to get the number up from, let's say, one in 500 to 50%.

00:44:50.000 And that means that you essentially have affirmative action in comedy.

00:44:54.000 So what do women do when they're in over their heads? 1.00

00:44:57.000 They use crutches.

00:44:58.000 And the best crutch for a woman appears to be being fucking disgusting. 1.00

00:45:06.000 This works because I guess it shocks people.

00:45:09.000 And it's just a bunch of women being gross. 1.00

00:45:13.000 So now, because we forced women to be equally represented in comedy and they need a crutch, the easiest crutch seems to be shock jock shit, where they say, I ate shit and come and then poured it on my period and then threw it at a dead baby. 0.64

00:45:27.000 And so you're just watching these women get on stage and defile themselves and be gross. 0.97

00:45:31.000 And you're just like, ha ha ha ha ha.

00:45:33.000 Yeah, come tits. 1.00

00:45:35.000 Let's just do five examples, shall we?

00:45:37.000 And we're starting with Molly Austin.

00:45:40.000 What has she got to say?

00:45:42.000 The funniest part about being an adult who now bleeds on a regular basis is anytime I hear a man say, Ugh, periods are gross.

00:45:51.000 Because it's like you were almost a period.

00:46:08.000 Do you understand?

00:46:09.000 Just pause.

00:46:10.000 Do men really say periods are gross?

00:46:11.000 I mean, I don't want to hear about it all the time.

00:46:13.000 It is discharge.

00:46:15.000 But what is she rising up against?

00:46:20.000 This constant nagging that we give when we...

00:46:26.000 I don't think I've ever said periods are gross.

00:46:29.000 Understand that?

00:46:31.000 Do you want to think of me before you go to bed, okay?

00:46:34.000 Do you understand how close you were to being that?

00:46:36.000 You're exactly one sperm away from being that soaking wet tampon you're so afraid of. 0.99

00:46:41.000 I'm not afraid of them.

00:46:42.000 And you're never going to have kids.

00:46:43.000 Fuck you.

00:46:44.000 You know what I've never done with my period?

00:46:46.000 I've never not once caught it in a gym sock and left it on the ground for two weeks.

00:46:51.000 I've never shot my period off into somebody's belly button, okay?

00:46:55.000 Periods are gonna.

00:46:56.000 Our periods are so fucking fresh and so tidy, comparatively speaking.

00:47:00.000 All that we do to keep it sopped up and hidden from you, but there's no, there's no.

00:47:04.000 All right, that's enough.

00:47:05.000 That's enough.

00:47:06.000 All right, so that was Molly Austin telling us that cum is grosser than period blood. 0.99

00:47:12.000 That's her joke.

00:47:13.000 Like, you compare that to Louis C.K. going off at a tangent about little shops and how he wishes he was meaner and he wants to just tell the woman who runs a little shop, I hate all this shit.

00:47:23.000 You should kill yourself.

00:47:25.000 He says he wish he could be that mean.

00:47:26.000 That's funny.

00:47:27.000 That's not a crutch.

00:47:29.000 But when you're out there on stage and over your head, you have to go, um, to fill time and then talk about period come.

00:47:39.000 All right.

00:47:40.000 Next, we have Logan Gunselman.

00:47:44.000 And let's see if she can stray from this subject and actually deliver some witty repertoire. 1.00

00:47:52.000 Hooking up with a guy, and I couldn't tell if we were just hooking up or if we were moving towards a relationship.

00:47:57.000 Pretty nerve-wracking.

00:47:58.000 And then on a random two things they talk about all the time is I'm ugly, I'm lonely, I'm a cat lady, which is usually true.

00:48:05.000 And then relationships, relationships, relationships.

00:48:08.000 I just started dating this guy, blah, blah, blah.

00:48:10.000 But those are not as common of a crutch as the gross out.

00:48:14.000 Saturday, he invited me over at around 7 p.m.

00:48:18.000 Which is a weird time.

00:48:21.000 That's amazing.

00:48:24.000 Because I was like, am I going to go over?

00:48:26.000 We're going to bang it out.

00:48:27.000 He's going to have me leave.

00:48:28.000 He's going to go about his night.

00:48:29.000 I'm going to feel used, you know?

00:48:32.000 Nice life.

00:48:32.000 Let me start hooking up.

00:48:34.000 Just pause.

00:48:34.000 This is another thing I've known.

00:48:36.000 Nikki Glazer, who is one of the funny women out there, one of the few. 1.00

00:48:40.000 But even her, she's talking about getting face fucked and stuff and how it makes her gag.

00:48:45.000 And you're just like, wow, you are being constantly used by men as a colostomy bag for their semen. 1.00

00:48:53.000 This is sad.

00:48:54.000 So she's out there joking, like, I'm such a loser.

00:48:56.000 And I keep getting dumped.

00:48:57.000 And men call me at three in the morning.

00:48:58.000 And you're just, as a dad, you're just watching it going, oh, you poor sweet thing.

00:49:03.000 That's really, really sad.

00:49:05.000 Things are getting pretty hot and heavy.

00:49:07.000 And he leans in and he whispers, I'm going to fuck you all night. 1.00

00:49:10.000 And I thought, oh, good, I'm going to be here all night.

00:49:14.000 I'm not a kid.

00:49:19.000 Like, I think I just came from sheer relief.

00:49:22.000 You guys.

00:49:23.000 So sad.

00:49:25.000 He was like, baby, you're going to be so full of my cum, you won't be hungry for breakfast tomorrow.

00:49:35.000 And I was like, we're getting breakfast.

00:49:41.000 That's really fat, lonely woman in the front row laughing. 1.00

00:49:45.000 Yeah, you guys seem warmed up enough, so I'm going to talk about my period now.

00:49:48.000 Okay.

00:49:49.000 All right, that's enough.

00:49:50.000 That wasn't even the clip that I meant to do.

00:49:52.000 Her previous conversation point was who got cum on the rumba. 0.99

00:49:57.000 You know, those, I hate robots, those irritating vacuums.

00:50:00.000 So some, one of her boyfriend's roommates got cum on it, and she talked for about five minutes about who got cum on the rumba.

00:50:08.000 Okay, let's move on to number three.

00:50:10.000 We have Rachel Mack.

00:50:12.000 She's probably got some fun advice about all kinds of weird stuff you never thought of before.

00:50:22.000 Hello.

00:50:23.000 I am Rachel Mack.

00:50:25.000 I lost my virginity when I was 25.

00:50:29.000 And after it happened, I was like, hmm, could have waited longer.

00:50:36.000 It was fine, not mind-blowing.

00:50:39.000 And I still made mistakes as a 25-year-old grown woman.

00:50:43.000 I had a man over to my apartment once and I said, would you like a drink?

00:50:47.000 And he said, Negatron.

00:50:52.000 And I still f ⁇ ed him.

00:50:58.000 After he said, if you ever got Prego, would you get an aborti?

00:51:05.000 And I was like, I'm going to get one tonight, you know?

00:51:10.000 It's a particular type of woman. 1.00

00:51:13.000 I understand that other people would think they're just watching a comedian do stand-up.

00:51:17.000 But when I see these women, you know, laid out on the stage, farmed up there like cattle, I just see this sad merry-go-round of lonely, abandoned women who left the whole concept of traditionalism and marriage and embraced what? 0.85

00:51:36.000 This is the problem with Smash the Patriarchy.

00:51:38.000 I'm all for it if you have something better.

00:51:41.000 But you don't.

00:51:42.000 All you have is loneliness.

00:51:44.000 You replaced a loving relationship with cats.

00:51:47.000 What the fuck have you done?

00:51:49.000 All right.

00:51:49.000 Let's move on to Amy Silverberg.

00:51:53.000 She's got, now, this is weird, and I'll get back to this when I get back to the studio, but she teaches writing for a living, and all she's done is written a few articles on some blogs no one's ever heard of.

00:52:04.000 And that gets you a gig teaching.

00:52:06.000 the affirmative action women live in is way beyond a normal way to live your life. 1.00

00:52:13.000 I mean, they keep saying women's rights are human rights. 1.00

00:52:17.000 You have too many rights.

00:52:18.000 You have more rights.

00:52:20.000 You get to teach people something that you don't even do.

00:52:24.000 Anyway, let's see her do comedy as she talks about teaching. 0.99

00:52:29.000 That's my day job.

00:52:30.000 I teach.

00:52:31.000 I teach intro to writing at USC.

00:52:34.000 Never written the note that nobody here is affiliated with USC.

00:52:37.000 If you are, keep everything I say a secret.

00:52:42.000 I had one of the star football players in my class.

00:52:45.000 I told the class they could write a story about anything.

00:52:48.000 He wrote a story about wanting to fuck his teacher.

00:52:54.000 Honestly, very nice.

00:52:59.000 My name's Amy Silverberg.

00:53:01.000 In that story, the teacher's name was Jamie Goldstein.

00:53:06.000 This goes on and on and on, by the way.

00:53:07.000 She talks about it.

00:53:08.000 You know what this is like?

00:53:09.000 This is like we were having some sort of important meeting and it was all these talented people who were really good at their thing.

00:53:15.000 And then someone went, what's she doing here? 0.70

00:53:17.000 You don't do anything.

00:53:19.000 You've never even, you're teaching writing.

00:53:21.000 You've never written before.

00:53:21.000 This is a writer's meeting.

00:53:23.000 And she went, look at my tits. 1.00

00:53:24.000 I have my tits. 1.00

00:53:25.000 You want to see tits? 1.00

00:53:27.000 And you went, oh, okay, those are kind of neat.

00:53:30.000 All these comedians are doing is just standing there holding up their skirt and going, you want to see a pussy? 1.00

00:53:34.000 Pussy. 1.00

00:53:35.000 I got fucked.

00:53:37.000 Come.

00:53:38.000 Period blood.

00:53:40.000 Some guy wanted to fuck me. 0.67

00:53:43.000 Some guy came and then he said Prego.

00:53:45.000 And I fucked him when I was 25.

00:53:48.000 I never had sex and sex, sex, and me naked and common jizz and period blood. 0.67

00:53:54.000 Can I stay on the stage now?

00:53:58.000 All right, let's jump to number five.

00:53:59.000 This is a final one.

00:54:01.000 Jenny, what's her name?

00:54:02.000 Zagrino.

00:54:04.000 Oh, this is going to be a lot of gross stuff because she is a lot of gross stuff. 1.00

00:54:10.000 I don't like stereotypes, right?

00:54:12.000 I hate this concept of big dick energy.

00:54:17.000 Now we're picturing a huge penis going in her. 1.00

00:54:19.000 Talking about.

00:54:20.000 And I'll tell you why I don't like it because it's not real, okay?

00:54:23.000 I've met people with big dicks.

00:54:25.000 They are weird, quiet, never make eye contact.

00:54:29.000 That is every person with a big dick, okay?

00:54:33.000 What you have is medium penis power at best.

00:54:37.000 Did you catch that?

00:54:38.000 So her stand-up comedy is I've had tons of dicks.

00:54:42.000 You know what this reminds me of?

00:54:43.000 What's that site where you can go and you give women money? 1.00

00:54:47.000 Fans, fans only or something, or only for fans?

00:54:51.000 It's like a webcam type thing.

00:54:54.000 And we've told women that they're incredibly valuable and we need them and they rock and they don't have to make babies. 1.00

00:55:00.000 They're badass.

00:55:01.000 And what do they do with this freedom?

00:55:03.000 They have men pay them and they just flash their fucking tits. 1.00

00:55:08.000 That's prostitution. 1.00

00:55:09.000 All these women talk about how they're going to kick ass and take names and if there's a revolution, they're going to be on the front lines like they are in the movies, all sweaty with like a headband and a gun. 1.00

00:55:17.000 And what do they do?

00:55:18.000 They prostitute themselves.

00:55:19.000 That's what all of this comedy is.

00:55:21.000 It's prostitution. 1.00

00:55:22.000 And it's not funny.

00:55:24.000 It's sad.

00:55:34.000 She's really evolved since Moo last year. 0.99

00:55:37.000 You said you saw her nipples in a shot? 0.99

00:55:39.000 Oh, I just saw them there.

00:55:40.000 Yeah, how could they just...

00:55:51.000 She looks so fucking different without makeup. 0.51

00:55:53.000 It's shocking.

00:55:54.000 She's gross. 1.00

00:55:55.000 If they're the darlings of the pop, whatever mainstream, they'll let them get away with pretty much anything.

00:56:01.000 She's black, by the way.

00:56:02.000 Oh, no.

00:56:03.000 I heard a funny black comedian in the car the other day saying, people always say that black dudes are only into white women.

00:56:09.000 That's bullshit.

00:56:11.000 Everyone's into white women. 1.00

00:56:13.000 And then he said, no, I'm just kidding.

00:56:14.000 They don't have to be white women. 1.00

00:56:16.000 They just have to look like white women. 1.00

00:56:19.000 And he goes, I'm talking to you, Nicki Minaj and Beyonce and apparently Doja Cat.

00:56:24.000 Like they talk about cultural appropriation.

00:56:26.000 You're in whiteface with your blonde wig. 0.99

00:56:29.000 Beyonce likes to say she's mixed race and she's, oh, I'm everything. 0.99

00:56:32.000 I'm Navajo.

00:56:34.000 No, you're black. 0.99

00:56:35.000 And you make yourself look white, spending $5,000 stitching white women's hair into your afro. 1.00

00:56:43.000 By the way, in that little thing, I couldn't remember the name OnlyFans.

00:56:47.000 Do you want to go to that?

00:56:49.000 And show the meme, too, I sent you.

00:56:52.000 Hey, where was I?

00:56:53.000 Oh, that's in the email.

00:56:55.000 Yeah.

00:56:56.000 This is the meme I was kind of referring to.

00:56:59.000 It's so telling.

00:57:01.000 So start at the bottom.

00:57:03.000 Blake Montgomery, who's a raging homo, who I think he, I hope I have the right guy. 1.00

00:57:09.000 I think he works at Huffbow.

00:57:10.000 He called me once and he was so gay. 0.99

00:57:12.000 He's like, hey, do you have any comments on like what's going on with Proud Blas?

00:57:19.000 And I go, are you gay per chance? 1.00

00:57:22.000 I don't see how that's relevant.

00:57:24.000 He was James Charles through the roof.

00:57:28.000 OnlyFans reporting 3.5 million new signups in March, 60,000 of them new creators per an email from the company.

00:57:35.000 In the first two weeks of March alone, that was a 75% increase from the normal level.

00:57:39.000 And then they say, what women think they'll do when the economy collapses versus what they'll actually do? 0.99

00:57:45.000 OnlyFans is prostitution. 0.94

00:57:49.000 If you're a father and your daughter has an OnlyFans account, you have failed.

00:57:56.000 You have failed worse than a stripper.

00:57:59.000 This is worse than stripping.

00:58:01.000 Yeah, there's not even any exercise involved.

00:58:03.000 And there's no bones about what it is.

00:58:06.000 Stephen King is not on OnlyFans.

00:58:11.000 That's why there's a picture of a girl in knee high socks on the homepage.

00:58:15.000 I could wear knee-high socks.

00:58:17.000 No, you can't, Stephen.

00:58:21.000 Also relevant to that video we just showed, check out 3.6.

00:58:24.000 This is a woman who teaches writing. 1.00

00:58:27.000 Introduction to writing.

00:58:29.000 And I don't have any books to show you, but I did write an article for Juxtapose, no, Juxtaprose magazine, which is a play on the art magazine Juxtapose.

00:58:40.000 Never heard of it.

00:58:42.000 This is a parody of an actual magazine.

00:58:45.000 For Dark Arts, I'm sure you're very familiar with that.

00:58:48.000 Do you know I Spy?

00:58:50.000 Are you familiar?

00:58:51.000 I was in a Roxanne Gay book of short stories.

00:58:55.000 The title is Dark Arts.

00:58:56.000 It's in Wig Leaf, which I'm sure you're familiar with.

00:59:00.000 Of course I am.

00:59:01.000 I haven't heard of any of these magazines.

00:59:03.000 The Texas Review?

00:59:04.000 The fuck is that?

00:59:07.000 Keep going.

00:59:08.000 This is her cannon.

00:59:08.000 This is a teacher.

00:59:10.000 Are we perhaps being a little too generous to the fair sex here?

00:59:14.000 I was in Split Lit Magazine, which I assume is a female roller derby magazine.

00:59:20.000 Sounds like stuff that like Stefan, you know, the character.

00:59:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:23.000 I wrote in Stiff Lit Magazine.

00:59:28.000 Pathetic.

00:59:29.000 New South Los Angeles Review.

00:59:32.000 All right, I think we're done.

00:59:33.000 This has been a hell of a show.

00:59:35.000 Yes.

00:59:35.000 And of course, when I say done, don't worry.

00:59:37.000 I know you get separation anxiety, but we'll go to the mailbag.

00:59:40.000 We're not going to leave you alone here.

00:59:44.000 Let me slide over while Ryan gets the song.

00:59:59.000 Let me touch it.

01:00:04.000 What's this?

01:00:04.000 Sorry to not.

01:00:05.000 This isn't a letter, but it's on my screen.

01:00:07.000 Look up Doja Cat Taiga, T-Y-G-A.

01:00:12.000 It's amazing the makeup and the primping and the preening and the false eyelashes and the wigs we do to these women. 1.00

01:00:18.000 I saw a picture of Kylie Jenner yesterday without makeup.

01:00:20.000 She's a five. 0.93

01:00:22.000 But they draw like they airbrush on a face.

01:00:25.000 This woman, by the way, is a pretty unattractive black chick. 1.00

01:00:29.000 She keep that booty booty, she keep that blonde, yeah, that natural beauty, beauty, yeah. 1.00

01:00:35.000 Here's a song about my mediocre body.

01:00:38.000 Which I can't show you, so I have to put cherries on it.

01:00:42.000 Feels like I just lost at a slot machine.

01:00:45.000 Actually, that is a pretty fantastic ass.

01:00:47.000 Whoops.

01:00:48.000 Whoops.

01:00:54.000 Okay, that's enough.

01:00:55.000 Sound your favorite performer, Doja Cat.

01:00:59.000 You don't like it?

01:00:59.000 You're not in?

01:01:00.000 Nothing about it.

01:01:02.000 Okay.

01:01:03.000 That makes me like it.

01:01:04.000 I'm a hater.

01:01:04.000 That makes me like it more.

01:01:08.000 Archive mail bag.

01:01:12.000 What's up, G-Dog and Rye Guy?

01:01:15.000 Here is, I believe, the best use of the Mikey audio.

01:01:20.000 And then he signs out by saying he'd like to rot.

01:01:25.000 He'd let me ride on your ding-dong as a friend. 0.93

01:01:28.000 Says Charlie.

01:01:30.000 Charlie!

01:01:31.000 He doesn't want to.

01:01:33.000 Do fucking tell him.

01:01:34.000 Party fucking told him.

01:01:36.000 Don't tell him again.

01:01:37.000 He fucking said no.

01:01:39.000 We'll make him say yes.

01:01:41.000 He didn't.

01:01:42.000 That's brilliant.

01:01:45.000 Fucking quality.

01:01:46.000 Oh my God.

01:01:47.000 It must be so rough working in retail.

01:01:49.000 Sign up for a red card.

01:01:51.000 I've never done it.

01:01:53.000 I've owned stores, but I've never done it.

01:01:58.000 Jenna.

01:01:58.000 Hey, Gav, thanks for reading my letter yesterday.

01:02:00.000 Don't feel like you have to read this on air, but I just want to answer your question about whether or not women like it when you talk about hot chicks. 1.00

01:02:05.000 Personally, I love the rating apps.

01:02:06.000 They're hilarious, and I now appreciate flaws and find supermodels super boring. 1.00

01:02:12.000 By the way, I think you need to liberate the one.

01:02:15.000 Just like 975-year-old tattered hags, burned victims, aren't invited to play the game.

01:02:19.000 No disrespect.

01:02:20.000 From now on, Tarana Burke is a one.

01:02:23.000 I've never been professionally rated, so I'm attaching a few pics.

01:02:26.000 I like you and Ryan.

01:02:27.000 I hate when women send these pics because then I have to be mean. 1.00

01:02:32.000 But I will take you to heart, lady.

01:02:35.000 As of today, Tarana Burke has officially moved down to one.

01:02:40.000 If any woman is a one, it's Tarana Burke. 0.98

01:02:43.000 That's right.

01:02:43.000 Do we want to reference?

01:02:45.000 Sure.

01:02:46.000 Founder of the Me Too movement.

01:02:48.000 Founder.

01:02:49.000 Who gets up there on a podium.

01:02:50.000 We are sick of being sex objects.

01:02:53.000 Shows her arm around Alyssa Milano.

01:02:55.000 Alyssa and I are not just gorgeous hot chicks.

01:02:59.000 We're human beings.

01:03:01.000 Stop constantly beating off looking at pictures of us.

01:03:05.000 Right, Alyssa?

01:03:06.000 Uh, yeah, yes.

01:03:10.000 Hot chicks like me and Alyssa are tired of the constant objectification. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Yes, we're gorgeous.

01:03:18.000 Yes, we're perfect.

01:03:20.000 Yes, we could easily do porn and make millions of dollars.

01:03:23.000 But we don't want to.

01:03:25.000 Listen to what we say.

01:03:26.000 Not just these tits or these tits or this amazing face or this skin or Alyssa's skin.

01:03:34.000 God.

01:03:37.000 Fuck.

01:03:40.000 Stop staring at how hot I am in my gun and my fucking pockmark skin and my nose that's bigger than a Star Wars character.

01:03:48.000 Yes, I drink at the cantina.

01:03:51.000 Yes, Frodo shot first.

01:03:54.000 Greedo.

01:03:55.000 Greedo?

01:03:56.000 Yes.

01:03:57.000 Okay, let's go back to these pics of her. 0.88

01:04:02.000 I like her.

01:04:03.000 It's my type, too.

01:04:04.000 I like her.

01:04:05.000 There's two types of girls in the world. 1.00

01:04:07.000 There's Lonnie Anderson in WKRP, and then there's Bailey in WKRP.

01:04:12.000 I'm a Bailey boy.

01:04:14.000 The Bailey Boys.

01:04:18.000 Wouldn't it be funny if we called the Proud Boys the Bailey Boys?

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 And there'd be all these white supremacist hate group, the Bailey Boys, named after a brunette in this show, WKRP.

01:04:29.000 Well, it's just as dumb.

01:04:30.000 Proud Boys comes from Aladdin.

01:04:32.000 Yes.

01:04:33.000 I'm going to say 7.4?

01:04:38.000 7.5?

01:04:39.000 What do you say, Ryan?

01:04:40.000 No one likes your ratings, by the way.

01:04:42.000 Well, you know what?

01:04:43.000 Instead of providing a rating, I'm going to assume yours from now on because you are the master and what you say is death.

01:04:49.000 And also, remember, she's sending you like dirty pictures, not dirty pictures, but like just some iPhone thing.

01:04:56.000 And when we look at these other pictures, it's some chick At the Academy Awards, who spent six hours preparing for that photo.

01:05:04.000 If you were married to Kylie Jenner, you'd be pretty bummed when it all fell off.

01:05:10.000 But this girl, you see what you're getting on a Thursday afternoon, and it's pretty great.

01:05:18.000 They're just going to the beach, man.

01:05:20.000 This is from Seth.

01:05:21.000 When that chick on the AMA used you being a punk rock libertine in your past to discredit your Catholic family values, isn't that going against the core Catholic belief of redemption and forgiveness?

01:05:33.000 What makes Catholicism the most libertarian religion?

01:05:36.000 No, that's what makes Catholicism the most libertarian religion.

01:05:39.000 They get a lot of flack for trying to convert gays like 50 years ago, but at least they weren't throwing them off roofs.

01:05:45.000 Is it roofs or roofs?

01:05:47.000 Roofs, I think.

01:05:48.000 Leonard Cohen said, all men will be sailors until the sea shall free them.

01:05:53.000 Basically meaning people who live an unholy life, in the biblical sense, can still be freed by God, like you.

01:05:59.000 That's why born-again Christians aren't shunned by the church, but welcomed with open arms, like Lady Saw.

01:06:04.000 Striving for a perfect population that has aligned their life with the teachings of God without any felts is fascist.

01:06:10.000 Maybe one day the right can all come together and fuck with our heels on.

01:06:16.000 That's why I always said it's okay to call homosexuality a sin and have gay friends and tell gays to their face. 1.00

01:06:24.000 Like Milo, homosexuality is a sin. 1.00

01:06:26.000 He'll go, yeah.

01:06:26.000 He'll say it out loud.

01:06:27.000 Alcoholism is a sin.

01:06:29.000 I'm an alcoholic.

01:06:30.000 I sin on a regular basis.

01:06:32.000 It's bad.

01:06:33.000 I should do it less.

01:06:34.000 Same with homosexuality. 0.98

01:06:36.000 Well, that was another joke stolen from me.

01:06:39.000 What's that?

01:06:41.000 I had said on a very public forum, and I gotten shit for this, so I know it got around.

01:06:45.000 I said, you should probably consult the gays before you say it's not a sin. 1.00

01:06:49.000 And you normalize it with marriage.

01:06:51.000 I think a lot of them like that it's nasty.

01:06:55.000 Like, it might make the sex hotter to know you're doing a bad thing.

01:07:00.000 As soon as you say, gay dads are cool, sex homos are awesome, then they're in the alleyway just like, oh, fuck, this is totally acceptable. 1.00

01:07:10.000 Oh, why'd you pull that up?

01:07:11.000 Thank you.

01:07:15.000 It's like when I saw this white woman with a black guy the other day, and she's walking hand in hand. 0.61

01:07:18.000 That's a whole other story.

01:07:19.000 You got a problem?

01:07:22.000 And then Louis C.K. on his special goes, maybe they like that it's a sin.

01:07:27.000 Maybe they make the sex hotter.

01:07:29.000 Don't go digging those up, but.

01:07:31.000 Don't go digging those up.

01:07:32.000 Niggas stealing my jokes and shit. 1.00

01:07:36.000 Hi, Gab Ryan, Western Canadian fan, who's a documentary I was shown in elementary school.

01:07:40.000 It's a study of spiders' behavioral challenges when introduced to alcohol, weed, etc.

01:07:47.000 Hope you enjoy faggots. 1.00

01:07:52.000 This is older than both of us.

01:07:55.000 I watched Hinterland Who's Who on a regular basis as a kid.

01:07:55.000 Nope.

01:08:02.000 I remember this.

01:08:04.000 Scientists gave these tiny creatures a variety of psychoactive drugs to observe their effects. 0.50

01:08:10.000 We used to joke about Hinterland Who's Who and talk about the Arctic beaver owl.

01:08:20.000 Not very good, my friend.

01:08:21.000 When given caffeine, the web structure was not affected, but the spider's behavior was.

01:08:28.000 Holy chill out.

01:08:29.000 Given THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, the spider didn't build a web. 0.63

01:08:36.000 Dude, two dabs maximum.

01:08:38.000 Where it lay all day and watched the caffeine spider go.

01:08:43.000 Is that true?

01:08:44.000 I believe.

01:08:45.000 I used to believe this.

01:08:46.000 Dude, you're totally overdosing them.

01:08:48.000 Take it easy with that Q-tip.

01:08:54.000 Oh, fuck you.

01:08:56.000 Until they go to KeyMPL levels.

01:08:59.000 I believed it.

01:09:01.000 This is about the Discord.

01:09:02.000 Hello, Gavin and Ryan.

01:09:03.000 I watch your Discord mailbag, and unfortunately, I think you need to distance yourself from them.

01:09:07.000 The people in charge over there don't like you.

01:09:09.000 I've been there, and it's not very welcoming of your quote-unquote fans.

01:09:17.000 Forgot the word you call people who like you.

01:09:19.000 I like you almost as a friend, and don't fuck any heels with sunglasses on.

01:09:22.000 Yeah, it's pretty clear that I was not welcome in that fucking place.

01:09:26.000 But it's fun to fight every once in a while.

01:09:30.000 I was watching this clip about Georgia loosening up their social distancing restrictions, and at the 20-second mark, a reporter gives a full update with a mask on.

01:09:40.000 What does he think?

01:09:41.000 Some air is going to waft over to his nose while he gives a 15-second debate?

01:09:46.000 Just another example of media irresponsibility and their insistence on trying to freak people out.

01:09:53.000 clearly six feet from someone.

01:09:55.000 This is ridiculous.

01:10:07.000 It's just a fashion accoutrement.

01:10:10.000 Bah.

01:10:11.000 Bah.

01:10:16.000 This is Sarah Sahi.

01:10:17.000 I don't know who Ry Gai was looking up.

01:10:20.000 And yes, she was another miss.

01:10:22.000 And then he sends pictures of her.

01:10:25.000 Yeah, I'm getting kind of sick of this standard beauty shit. 1.00

01:10:28.000 I think we've let our viewers down by saying, hey, we found a picture of young Angelina Jolie.

01:10:34.000 She's very pretty.

01:10:36.000 News alert.

01:10:37.000 Let Zeppelin rocks. 0.94

01:10:39.000 Coming in number two, Motley Crew.

01:10:41.000 Hey, I had a, if you really want some good steak, go to a steakhouse where they're like $100 and you'll find it's really yummy.

01:10:49.000 Yeah, it's like the opposite of Diners, Driving, and Dives.

01:10:52.000 Hey, guys, you should try getting a blowjob. 1.00

01:10:54.000 It feels really good.

01:10:58.000 Also in the news.

01:10:59.000 Our show is for aliens who just got here and want to assimilate me. 1.00

01:11:03.000 Like aliens from a different planet.

01:11:06.000 Last night's Discord was definitely some red meat for your fans.

01:11:08.000 Do you ever get any offers to make appearances on any mainstream shows since you parted ways with Fox?

01:11:13.000 No.

01:11:14.000 As you saw from the Laura Loomer lawsuit, simply having me in your presence tarnishes you for life.

01:11:20.000 Wait, what?

01:11:22.000 Would you go back on a mainstream TV show if given the opportunity?

01:11:25.000 Sure.

01:11:26.000 I'm guessing that you would say no to Fox.

01:11:28.000 Eh, probably.

01:11:29.000 How about Newsmax or even a liberal news network.

01:11:32.000 By the way, here's a link from the Detroit News, one of two mainstream papers in Detroit, that also dispels the myth that the Michigan protests block ambulances from getting to the hospital.

01:11:45.000 Yeah, someone sent me a map.

01:11:48.000 Are you there yet?

01:11:50.000 Oh.

01:11:51.000 Someone sent me a map.

01:11:54.000 I'll just forward it to you.

01:11:55.000 They sent it to my personal email.

01:11:56.000 Please don't send stuff to my personal email.

01:11:58.000 It gets lost and it won't be included in the mailbag.

01:12:04.000 But it's a map that shows that the convoy didn't go near Sparrow Hospital.

01:12:12.000 Is that true?

01:12:14.000 And all these nurses who came out to stop the convoy. 1.00

01:12:17.000 Shouldn't you be in there working if you're so valuable?

01:12:21.000 I'm saving a lot of my criticism of nurses for after this is over, but Jesus Christ.

01:12:28.000 They're kind of a big fat pain in the ass sometimes.

01:12:32.000 You're looking for that map, right?

01:12:33.000 Yeah, I sent it to you.

01:12:35.000 Oh, cool.

01:12:35.000 Now, we don't know if this is true.

01:12:36.000 This is not verified.

01:12:37.000 This is not...

01:12:44.000 It's mostly theories, and we just air the information we get.

01:12:46.000 But this is what I was sent as the route of that Michigan protest.

01:12:53.000 And there's Sparrow Hospital many blocks away.

01:12:58.000 So does that mean the nurse who came out was a vet?

01:13:01.000 You're stopping us from putting down sick beagles.

01:13:05.000 Sick beagles are playing at Mercury Lounge, by the way, on Thursday, if you want to check them out.

01:13:09.000 Great band, you know.

01:13:11.000 All right, I say, Tom.

01:13:14.000 Here's a lovely young lady from the gospel movies on Netflix. 0.99

01:13:18.000 I like the traditional garb.

01:13:19.000 We know what she's got under there.

01:13:21.000 We know.

01:13:22.000 Yours in Christ, Tom, head custodonian.

01:13:25.000 P.S. Love when foreigners talk with their hands like that. 1.00

01:13:28.000 Yes, ma'am.

01:13:29.000 All right, what do we got here?

01:13:35.000 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.

01:13:39.000 He answered, anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.

01:13:46.000 And if she divorces her husband, we're kind of going down an Eva Mendez rut here, guys.

01:13:51.000 Enough with the bird noses. 0.86

01:13:52.000 Just like that guy actor.

01:13:54.000 Yeah, let's get a little too handsome with our choices here, boys.

01:13:57.000 I wish I knew.

01:13:58.000 Let's have some cuteness.

01:14:01.000 Is it more wrong for him to be looking at her lustfully?

01:14:04.000 It's in a gospel movie, or for me to say she's not attractive? 0.91

01:14:09.000 What's worse?

01:14:10.000 Wait, what's the question?

01:14:11.000 Is it worse for him to have pointed out how she's attractive, or for me to insist that she's not?

01:14:16.000 And this is from a religious story.

01:14:19.000 I don't know.

01:14:20.000 She's not Jesus, dude.

01:14:21.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:14:22.000 This is from Justin.

01:14:23.000 All right, gays. 0.99

01:14:24.000 Hope you're staying well.

01:14:24.000 Having, after your comment on Robert Denning Jr. and Dr. Doodle and his awful attempt of our Welsh accent, can we get Ryan to try it without sounding like a bit of a packy?

01:14:34.000 Thanks.

01:14:35.000 I want to fuck you with my mask on.

01:14:37.000 I never hear you talk about Piers Morgan.

01:14:39.000 We get him here most mornings and he has 7.2 million followers.

01:14:42.000 What's your take on him?

01:14:43.000 Sometimes he's funny, but the gun shit really pissed me off.

01:14:47.000 And he's not in my accent.

01:14:50.000 What's the curran?

01:14:53.000 Look at her face.

01:14:55.000 Is that from speaking it so much?

01:14:56.000 Yeah, this is like in Scotland they talk about sham gabot.

01:15:01.000 What is that?

01:15:01.000 The face that you have after you speak?

01:15:04.000 They'll say guy means very and they'll go, oh, he's guy scotch.

01:15:08.000 He's got sham gabbat.

01:15:10.000 Which is like a sign of you're so Scottish that it's fucked up your face. 1.00

01:15:14.000 So you're like, you're right there, pal.

01:15:16.000 Oh, see you people.

01:15:18.000 I'm just too good for you.

01:15:20.000 There's a guy from Sons of Anarchy that has that.

01:15:20.000 I've seen that.

01:15:23.000 Go, go, go.

01:15:29.000 Well, that's Welsh.

01:15:30.000 I'll learn it later.

01:15:31.000 Yeah.

01:15:32.000 What's the Kuran?

01:15:33.000 What's a Kuran?

01:15:34.000 It's like the best Welsh accent, the most pleasing one is The Trip with Steve Coogan and that other little man. 0.99

01:15:42.000 It's a shame that nobody remembers his name.

01:15:44.000 Oh, everyone in Britain does.

01:15:46.000 He's probably more popular than Steve Coogan.

01:15:48.000 What's he name?

01:15:49.000 There's a great show in Britain called Gavin and Stacy about an Englishman who Gavin who falls in love with a Welsh woman, Stacy.

01:15:56.000 And so half the characters are Welsh.

01:15:58.000 And it's really endearing.

01:16:00.000 But The Trip is better.

01:16:01.000 He's in both.

01:16:02.000 Right, The Trip, Rob Bryden.

01:16:04.000 Rob Bryden.

01:16:05.000 Rob Brydon plays the uncle, Stacy's uncle, in it.

01:16:08.000 And he's fucking...

01:16:12.000 Whatever.

01:16:13.000 Okay.

01:16:14.000 Don't go breaking my balls.

01:16:18.000 Just find something, slow ass. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Pull that shut up, Jamie.

01:16:27.000 Wow.

01:16:27.000 Well, thanks for taking us to Ghost Town.

01:16:29.000 That's not even low.

01:16:30.000 Look up Rob Bryden in Gavin and Stacy.

01:16:33.000 Gavin and Stacey.

01:16:34.000 Come and read it.

01:16:35.000 And this will be your homework assignment.

01:16:37.000 By tomorrow, you have to have a Welsh accent perfected.

01:16:41.000 Damn.

01:16:41.000 Better than Robert Downey Jr.

01:16:43.000 Which isn't that hard.

01:16:44.000 Well, fuck.

01:16:46.000 All right, looking for clips.

01:16:47.000 There we go.

01:16:48.000 James Corbyn.

01:16:49.000 No, no, that's Irish fuck lips. 0.92

01:16:51.000 That's not Gavin and Stacey.

01:16:52.000 I'm trying to find something just quick for you instead of accent.

01:16:55.000 Stop doing an Irish accent when we're talking about Welsh.

01:16:57.000 It's really irritating.

01:16:59.000 Is it the same thing?

01:17:00.000 What?

01:17:02.000 Is Welsh the same as Irish?

01:17:04.000 I'm just filibustering while I'm looking for clips.

01:17:08.000 Did you put in Rob Dryden?

01:17:10.000 Yeah.

01:17:10.000 Gavin and Stacey.

01:17:12.000 There we go.

01:17:12.000 I sure did.

01:17:14.000 And some jam.

01:17:18.000 And I'll tell you for why.

01:17:20.000 I'll tell you for why.

01:17:21.000 Tony.

01:17:21.000 One of my online buddies he is.

01:17:23.000 One of my online buddies he is.

01:17:26.000 At the aerodrome.

01:17:27.000 He's having to stay there until he gets back on his feet.

01:17:30.000 And he has for breakfast, because whenever we speak, lunchtime here is breakfast over there.

01:17:35.000 And I say to him, what are you having for breakfast?

01:17:38.000 And he says, peanut butter and jelly.

01:17:43.000 Now, when he says jelly, he means jam.

01:17:48.000 I can't wait to tell him about this.

01:17:50.000 He'll be beside himself.

01:17:55.000 Look who it is.

01:17:56.000 Darling, do you sleep all right?

01:17:58.000 James Corden.

01:17:59.000 Not really, no.

01:18:00.000 Aw, come and sit down. 0.88

01:18:01.000 What can I get you?

01:18:03.000 I'm a wife's pammer orange cheese.

01:18:04.000 Well, you've got to eat something, Smithy.

01:18:06.000 She pegs him in the show.

01:18:08.000 Alright, that's enough.

01:18:09.000 Everything about James Corden grosses me out.

01:18:11.000 Oh, really?

01:18:12.000 Okay, last letter here.

01:18:14.000 And by the way, we have hundreds.

01:18:20.000 I should like just do Adderall and just have like a mailbag marathon.

01:18:25.000 Call it a censor.tv presents and just do them all.

01:18:30.000 Should we do that?

01:18:31.000 Hell yeah.

01:18:32.000 Let's do that.

01:18:34.000 Gavin, how would you rate Brody Dale of the Distillers rating both her punk rock look and her cleaned up look?

01:18:41.000 You being an ex-hardcore dude, I'm curious how you'd go about this one.

01:18:45.000 I like your new sunglasses.

01:18:48.000 And I like that letter.

01:18:51.000 I had said we're bored of the normal fucking chicks. 1.00

01:18:56.000 It's kind of hard to see what Brodie Dale looks like.

01:18:59.000 Because she's got her cone spikes and her nutty lipstick and her eye makeup. 1.00

01:19:04.000 The normal.

01:19:07.000 Can you see?

01:19:08.000 So yeah, obviously in her punk days, I'd give her a that's hard to tell, right?

01:19:13.000 What the fuck does she look like? 1.00

01:19:15.000 I'm going to go with 8.4.

01:19:17.000 *sad music* *sniff*

01:19:21.000 8.2?

01:19:23.000 But she's aged well.

01:19:25.000 I wonder what she is.

01:19:26.000 Is that a Jew? 0.97

01:19:27.000 Jews tend to age very well.

01:19:31.000 No, don't do that.

01:19:32.000 I'll look that up while you find pictures.

01:19:33.000 Oh, go back, go back.

01:19:36.000 She kind of looks like Courtney Love. 0.93

01:19:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:39.000 Yeah, I see.

01:19:42.000 Go back, go back, go back.

01:19:43.000 So click that link.

01:19:44.000 We got 326.

01:19:49.000 I'm feeling pretty strong about 8.2.

01:19:51.000 Here's something tricky to ask.

01:19:53.000 We said you have to be sexually viable to be rated, right?

01:19:56.000 So that goes from 18 to, I don't know, 55, maybe even 60.

01:20:02.000 But obviously you can't apply the same standards to a 55-year-old that you would to a 22-year-old.

01:20:08.000 Like, think of tits, for example. 0.99

01:20:11.000 You're going to see the big tits on an 18-year-old are going to be down to here when she's 55. 1.00

01:20:18.000 So, but I would still, I might prefer the 55-year-old.

01:20:21.000 She'd be more fun.

01:20:23.000 What are you doing?

01:20:24.000 You don't have a Pinterest account?

01:20:26.000 Hell no.

01:20:27.000 What am I?

01:20:28.000 An old woman? 1.00

01:20:28.000 Well, just show us. 1.00

01:20:31.000 You can't.

01:20:31.000 You have to sign up.

01:20:33.000 Yeah, I got to pick up.

01:20:35.000 This is a nightmare.

01:20:36.000 Okay, go back to Google Images then.

01:20:38.000 And you should be signed up for everything.

01:20:41.000 Because I know you're not on Pinterest, but girls will send us stuff. 0.99

01:20:45.000 Okay, here we go.

01:20:51.000 Oh, you're going back to Google Image?

01:20:52.000 Yes.

01:20:53.000 DuckDuckGo.

01:20:55.000 Unfortunate.

01:20:56.000 What does she look like? 0.94

01:20:58.000 I can't see her.

01:21:00.000 I don't know.

01:21:01.000 It's like I'm in the fog.

01:21:03.000 Are some girls a range? 1.00

01:21:08.000 Like, Kylie Jenner looks like an 8.8 when she spent five hours drawing a face on her face.

01:21:14.000 But that doesn't count.

01:21:16.000 So you can put on a little bit of makeup for a solid rating.

01:21:20.000 But what about do certain girls are certain girls more attractive because they act different? 1.00

01:21:25.000 Like you factor in what they act like.

01:21:28.000 Well, some people say you should do two.

01:21:30.000 You should be bare bones looks and then context.

01:21:33.000 But I just jumped to the second one.

01:21:36.000 Like Danny DeVito is a seven, maybe.

01:21:40.000 Yeah, because.

01:21:41.000 Because he could get a seven.

01:21:43.000 So something's only worth what you're willing to pay for it.

01:21:46.000 If you have an $80,000 house, but everyone wants it because Elvis died there or something and you're getting offers of $4 million, you have a $4 million house.

01:21:53.000 3.

01:21:54.000 Oh, that's a good picture of her.

01:21:56.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:21:56.000 Finally!

01:21:57.000 The fog clears.

01:21:58.000 That is her? 0.96

01:21:59.000 Yeah.

01:22:00.000 Okay.

01:22:02.000 And I feel pretty good about my rating.

01:22:04.000 I mean, she's getting older now.

01:22:06.000 I may have to yank her down to eight, but I'm not going to 7.9.

01:22:10.000 I'll tell you that right now.

01:22:11.000 I'll tell you that right the hell now.

01:22:14.000 All right, that's enough.

01:22:15.000 Let's get to the final video.

01:22:17.000 It's been yet another very long episode, but I'm very proud of it.

01:22:21.000 Proud of your boy.

01:22:24.000 And I'm quite happy, especially when it's juxtaposed with everyone else's shitty show.

01:22:31.000 It's exactly like the Jews. 1.00

01:22:34.000 You said in Russia that they couldn't be part of the economy.

01:22:38.000 Jews can't loan money. 1.00

01:22:39.000 Jews are ostracized.

01:22:41.000 Russia has a very anti-Semitic and homophobic and racist, by the way, past.

01:22:46.000 And so the Jews had no choice but to build a black market economy for some new business behind the scenes. 0.63

01:22:51.000 Then, Gorbachev, Glasnost, the end of the Soviet Union.

01:22:58.000 And the only economy that existed was the black market economy.

01:23:01.000 And they then thrived, just like us.

01:23:04.000 You banned me from everything.

01:23:05.000 You made me build my own pirate ship.

01:23:07.000 I built an ironclad pirate ship that no one can get into.

01:23:11.000 And they tried.

01:23:12.000 They made us change the name.

01:23:14.000 They've attacked our pay sources.

01:23:15.000 They've tried to find our location a million times.

01:23:19.000 And here we are in post-apocalypse, walking down the street like Mad Max with his fucking dingo. 0.97

01:23:27.000 Which of these four or five final videos?

01:23:30.000 I like to end on an up note these days.

01:23:32.000 That's a theme.

01:23:33.000 That's why we're wearing Hawaiian shirts and drinking beer because we're partying.

01:23:36.000 We're done living in fear.

01:23:37.000 We're fucking walking down the street.

01:23:39.000 I don't wear no mask.

01:23:40.000 My body, my choice.

01:23:43.000 So here's a fun one.

01:23:44.000 Kind of makes me a little homesick, as did Faith saying a boot.

01:23:48.000 But this is number 45, the just send it guy.

01:23:52.000 And he just fucking sends it.

01:23:56.000 Just gonna send it.

01:23:58.000 Just gonna send it.

01:24:02.000 Gonna hand her about three-quarter to full throttle. 0.99

01:24:04.000 Gonna come downhill pretty fast.

01:24:06.000 Shit, that water just gonna hold her wide. 0.95

01:24:08.000 Gonna be a good day.

01:24:12.000 Look at that.

01:24:14.000 Look at that.

01:24:14.000 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:24:20.000 Oh my gosh.

01:24:22.000 Just fucking send it.

01:24:26.000 I think he invented that, by the way.

01:24:27.000 Just send it.

01:24:32.000 What's fucking insane!

01:24:36.000 Just fuck.

01:24:37.000 He's got his Canadian tuxedo on.

01:24:39.000 Look at that.

01:24:43.000 What an awesome dude.

01:24:45.000 He reminds me of that pup Thug Life guy. 0.55

01:24:50.000 Pug Life.

01:24:52.000 I'm still going to send it.

01:24:56.000 You guys silly?

01:24:57.000 I'm still going to send it.

01:24:59.000 He's a fucking mullet. 1.00

01:25:02.000 By the way, thanks to Eurotech for turning us on to this.

01:25:09.000 Did you guys ride those?

01:25:10.000 Oh, what?

01:25:12.000 Did you have your own?

01:25:13.000 No.

01:25:14.000 Well, that hurt, but.

01:25:15.000 My dad had one.

01:25:16.000 I moved to New York when I was 29, and I wasn't old enough to have land and a fucking skidoo, eh?

01:25:26.000 But my dad had one, and fucking...

01:25:29.000 It's what you do all winter.

01:25:31.000 It's what they do upstate, New York, all winter.

01:25:33.000 I mean, it gets dark at four o'clock.

01:25:35.000 There's nothing else to do but go on.

01:25:36.000 Ooh, that looks like it hurts.

01:25:39.000 Another day, another beer.

01:25:41.000 Sure.

01:25:47.000 Just fucking send it.

01:25:49.000 You guys have any food?

01:25:51.000 Never mind.

01:25:52.000 I think I got a slice in the old ET.

01:25:56.000 There she is.

01:25:58.000 Smells like a slice of meat lovers after a good night.

01:26:02.000 A couple bushes.

01:26:03.000 Tuned up, the old ET.

01:26:05.000 She'll be running good for the next stunt. 1.00

01:26:09.000 Keep her tuned.

01:26:10.000 Seems like she's got a beer in every pocket. 0.99

01:26:12.000 Keep her tuned.

01:26:13.000 Just gonna send it.

01:26:15.000 Just gonna get fired.

01:26:17.000 Get in trouble.

01:26:18.000 Be brave.

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