Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E160 - BE A MAN [2020-05-06 - S02E160 - BE A MAN]

00:00:35.000 Fontaine's DC DC standing for Dublin City Life Fate Always Empty Life Fate Always Empty There you get the idea.

00:00:49.000 I think we've had them on the show as an intro song before.

00:00:52.000 They sound like Art Brute, which is another cool band.

00:00:57.000 They're named after Johnny Fontaine from The Godfather, and they couldn't be called Fontaine, even though they spelled it differently, because someone else is called Fontaine.

00:01:08.000 Everything's taken.

00:01:10.000 Like, that's why we had to go with censored.tv.

00:01:12.000 Every .com is gone.

00:01:15.000 Even, I think we had free speechlive.com.

00:01:20.000 How do you possibly come up with a name of a company now that is not taken?

00:01:24.000 That's why that phone-friendly new TV that everyone, all the kids are into, Quibbid, is the only thing you can do, Quibbid.

00:01:33.000 Speaking of Timid, no, that's not fair.

00:01:38.000 I've actually noticed when I was at Williams, Colonial Williamsburg, there was a name of some company, and it was like a draft beer company.

00:01:46.000 Not draft beer, a craft beer company.

00:01:48.000 It was called something like Timid or Hesitant or something like that.

00:01:54.000 We've used up all the cool words.

00:01:56.000 Now we're just scared.com.

00:01:58.000 That's probably taken.

00:01:59.000 You're going to have to, like annoying.com is going to be the name of your company.

00:02:02.000 I bet that's taken.

00:02:05.000 Anyway, do you remember Johnny Fontaine?

00:02:07.000 That's the first link I've sent you.

00:02:09.000 Second link I sent you.

00:02:11.000 Why does my nose become itchy the second you press record?

00:02:14.000 It's a nervous tick.

00:02:16.000 I don't know what to do.

00:02:19.000 You can act like a man!

00:02:21.000 What's the matter with you?

00:02:22.000 Want to slap this?

00:02:23.000 Is this how you turn down a Hollywood spinocular that cries like a woman? 1.00

00:02:28.000 Can you just pause?

00:02:30.000 What if Marlon Brando said, hey, I really appreciate this role.

00:02:33.000 I'm going to put cotton balls in my mouth.

00:02:35.000 I would go, what?

00:02:37.000 No.

00:02:38.000 Sounds like you don't appreciate this role.

00:02:40.000 Yeah, fuck you.

00:02:40.000 Are you making fun of me?

00:02:41.000 No, I look, look, look, look.

00:02:43.000 You got a little man.

00:02:45.000 I can't hear you.

00:02:46.000 Don't do that.

00:02:47.000 Why are you putting cotton balls?

00:02:50.000 You're fired.

00:02:51.000 But it works.

00:02:52.000 It's like teenage meeting ninja turtles.

00:02:54.000 I would have said no.

00:02:55.000 You were right.

00:02:56.000 was wrong.

00:03:06.000 You spend time with your family?

00:03:08.000 Sure, I do.

00:03:09.000 I love that line.

00:03:11.000 Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.

00:03:16.000 He'll never be a real man.

00:03:18.000 That's the theme of today's show.

00:03:20.000 Real men.

00:03:21.000 Be a man.

00:03:22.000 You look terrible.

00:03:23.000 I said he.

00:03:25.000 Anyway, that's enough.

00:03:27.000 A lot of gifts in the mail today.

00:03:29.000 America Bourbon.

00:03:31.000 New sponsor.

00:03:32.000 Looking forward to trying it.

00:03:36.000 Is this cup theirs too?

00:03:36.000 They sent us.

00:03:38.000 Yeah.

00:03:38.000 They got a fun little cup.

00:03:39.000 This is good for the pandemic, going for a walk in the park.

00:03:43.000 Although that's a lot of booze.

00:03:47.000 I don't know what's going on with my diet, by the way.

00:03:49.000 I tried quitting Makers, so I quit it Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

00:03:53.000 Nightmares persist.

00:03:55.000 Nightmares all night.

00:03:58.000 They're getting better, too.

00:03:59.000 I think it's because I've been watching a lot of movies, but my nightmares are, I'll wake up and go, that would be a cool movie.

00:04:05.000 Like I had one last night where this disgusting golem type guy was chasing, not really me. 1.00

00:04:14.000 So I was kind of watching a movie.

00:04:15.000 It was a protagonist and a girl.

00:04:17.000 And they were having a nice relationship, a beautiful relationship.

00:04:20.000 And this disgusting golem was, oh, and they would beat him and pound him. 1.00

00:04:24.000 And the guy would fuck him up.

00:04:25.000 And he keeps showing up, trying to break them apart.

00:04:28.000 And then, halfway through the nightmare, you realize that's not a golem. 0.96

00:04:33.000 That's how you see him.

00:04:35.000 It had a fight club twist.

00:04:38.000 And the couple were being harassed by a normal guy, and they were the depraved ones.

00:04:43.000 So then I woke up and I started punching up the script.

00:04:47.000 And I go, okay, they're meth heads, right?

00:04:50.000 And it's a handsome guy, beautiful woman, and they're attacked by this golem and they just want to be together. 0.85

00:04:54.000 It's kind of science fiction-y.

00:04:56.000 And then in the middle of the movie, we switch it and you see what's really going on.

00:05:03.000 And the golem is just like a normal guy who's not that attractive. 1.00

00:05:07.000 So like a Steve Bessemi guy.

00:05:09.000 He's the brother of the girl.

00:05:10.000 He's trying to break them up because they're meth heads.

00:05:13.000 They're hallucinating.

00:05:15.000 It's like a great Twilight Zone.

00:05:19.000 And we had this handsome guy play.

00:05:21.000 I like how I go handsome and I have a mustache.

00:05:23.000 We have this handsome guy play the protagonist and a beautiful woman play the protagonist.

00:05:26.000 But after the revelation, when we see it's not Gollum, the girl is like, she's a girl, like a white girl with a plain face that we can really play with.

00:05:36.000 Like Charlize Theron is perfect because you can make her a nine, but then in Monster, you can make her a four. 0.74

00:05:42.000 So we do the same with the man.

00:05:43.000 He's like an eight and we make him a five.

00:05:45.000 And we have the actress put on weight for the rule, the second part of the movie. 1.00

00:05:50.000 Now, I have two holes in the plot I got to fill.

00:05:53.000 One is if the brother really cared about them, he'd let them get arrested.

00:05:57.000 That's the best way to get clean.

00:05:58.000 That's what saved Artie Lang was getting arrested.

00:06:01.000 So why would he be trying to not get them in jail and break them up?

00:06:06.000 Maybe.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, because if you're the brother, you go, just get them fucking arrested.

00:06:10.000 I'm sick of these two.

00:06:11.000 And then I wanted to have a romantic ending at the end.

00:06:14.000 And if you're a mess head, you shouldn't.

00:06:16.000 Oh, maybe that.

00:06:17.000 No, the second thing is good, because they get back together at the end, right?

00:06:21.000 They've been cured.

00:06:22.000 They go to rehab or whatever.

00:06:24.000 Yeah, maybe they go to rehab and that's where we slowly learn that the guy's Gollum.

00:06:29.000 He's not Gollum.

00:06:30.000 That they start getting clearer pictures.

00:06:32.000 They start seeing him.

00:06:33.000 Yeah, as he comes to visit.

00:06:34.000 Like he, Gollum, throws them in prison.

00:06:37.000 And then you realize it's not a prison, it's rehab, and they slowly get better.

00:06:40.000 And then at the end of the movie, they're back together.

00:06:42.000 It's super romantic.

00:06:43.000 And they both look almost as good as they did at the beginning of the movie.

00:06:46.000 So now Charlie's throne is like a seven.

00:06:49.000 And they're happy, and Steve Bussemi's happy, and everyone's happy.

00:06:52.000 And they're in Hawaii, and they go by an alleyway, and there's a drug dealer, and you see the couple walk into the alleyway.

00:06:59.000 They're relapsing back on the meth.

00:07:02.000 And it's a super handsome guy that's selling them the meth, but really he looks like a golem. 0.94

00:07:08.000 No, you have to be on meth to have these hallucinations.

00:07:12.000 You will not be my writing partner on this hit.

00:07:15.000 But the temptation makes them see him as handsome.

00:07:17.000 No, no, you're on meth.

00:07:19.000 When you're on meth, you hallucinate.

00:07:22.000 I know a chick who was on meth, and she drove from Minneapolis to Madison. 0.97

00:07:26.000 I forget how long that is.

00:07:27.000 I think it's like three hours.

00:07:28.000 And there were these people talking shit about her the whole time in the back seat. 0.86

00:07:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:33.000 And when she finally pulls into her driveway, she goes, will the two of you just fuck off?

00:07:38.000 And there was nobody there.

00:07:40.000 What are you doing with your goddamn fucking hair, you faggot? 1.00

00:07:43.000 None of your business.

00:07:43.000 On the Be a Man episode, you're primping and preening.

00:07:46.000 Yeah, I got a lot of this stuff.

00:07:48.000 I just parlored this, by the way, and said, what's with the beards?

00:07:51.000 I've always had this, but Justin Trudeau has a big beard now, and he's all disheveled because he can't.

00:07:57.000 Meanwhile, he has a whole staff.

00:07:59.000 He's got nannies and maids and everything.

00:08:01.000 What's with the beard?

00:08:03.000 Is it like you saying that you have camaraderie with the rest of us?

00:08:10.000 No, show pandemic beard.

00:08:11.000 That's like a sexy beard he grew on his own.

00:08:14.000 Did he have the beard before the pandemic?

00:08:18.000 I saw this picture of him with like, he looked like Steve Bannon with two collars and he was going, uh, uh.

00:08:28.000 You have clippers at home, do you not?

00:08:30.000 You can get a razor at the fucking store at CVS.

00:08:34.000 What are you doing?

00:08:35.000 There's them with his beard.

00:08:36.000 Why do you have to have a beard?

00:08:40.000 Eurotech sent us some stuff.

00:08:43.000 We got some cool t-shirts.

00:08:46.000 We will be going over there soon to shoot our car show.

00:08:50.000 I know I keep talking about it, but we're not allowed to leave.

00:08:54.000 A little keychain.

00:08:55.000 Look at this fun glass to help my addiction.

00:08:58.000 This is my mess.

00:09:00.000 I wonder if you can put this in the dishwasher.

00:09:02.000 I don't think I'm going to.

00:09:04.000 Maybe you take this off.

00:09:05.000 Oh, I just broke it.

00:09:06.000 Why would you do that?

00:09:07.000 Great.

00:09:08.000 Well, because it's going to melt in the dishwasher.

00:09:10.000 You don't have to put that in the dishwasher.

00:09:12.000 You can just clean the glass.

00:09:13.000 Thanks, Ryan.

00:09:13.000 Oh, thanks.

00:09:14.000 Sheesh.

00:09:15.000 I had no idea.

00:09:16.000 Hey, Gavin, Ryan, thanks for having me on the show.

00:09:18.000 Been watching for years.

00:09:19.000 Best part was the green screen intercourse.

00:09:21.000 Too fucking funny.

00:09:23.000 Let me just get out my phone and ask what the green screen intercourse was. 0.73

00:09:29.000 Ready?

00:09:33.000 This is our new thing.

00:09:36.000 Voice call.

00:09:42.000 You son of a bitch.

00:09:51.000 No one answers their phone.

00:09:52.000 I don't answer my phone.

00:09:53.000 I don't even know how to answer my phone.

00:09:55.000 It doesn't ring.

00:09:56.000 I just see voicemail.

00:09:58.000 I can be on my phone and find out.

00:10:01.000 Hey, Chris.

00:10:02.000 What's up, man?

00:10:03.000 Just got your note.

00:10:04.000 Thanks, man.

00:10:05.000 But what is green screen intercourse?

00:10:05.000 That's great.

00:10:10.000 You don't remember it?

00:10:11.000 No.

00:10:13.000 Oh, it's when you had that like stripper hot chick with giant tits and she was on the green screen. 1.00

00:10:21.000 Oh, like five years ago, or many years ago.

00:10:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:24.000 Back in the day.

00:10:25.000 Okay, thank you.

00:10:26.000 We got to go.

00:10:26.000 We're on the show.

00:10:28.000 All right, man, too.

00:10:30.000 Yes.

00:10:31.000 Mercedes, when we had her nude.

00:10:34.000 And then we had a hole.

00:10:36.000 And we managed to have green screen sex on my show, which I actually got a boner at.

00:10:42.000 We had to stop doing.

00:10:43.000 I wrote her a letter yesterday.

00:10:45.000 And what do you write with someone with charges that include child porn?

00:10:49.000 I just sort of wrote, what the fuck?

00:10:53.000 Is this true?

00:10:54.000 And of course, no one who's guilty is going to write you back and say, yeah, it's true.

00:11:00.000 But something fishy is going on here.

00:11:03.000 That's true.

00:11:05.000 Because I know her and she's a great person.

00:11:07.000 There's no way she did all that shit.

00:11:08.000 Anyway, did we say this sponsor already, America?

00:11:10.000 Nope.

00:11:11.000 Feels nice.

00:11:12.000 I hope it's sweet.

00:11:15.000 Every time I get a booze that they tell me is as sweet as Maker's, I always drink it and go, no, it's not.

00:11:22.000 But we'll keep you posted on this.

00:11:27.000 Yeah, I might as well.

00:11:27.000 What if I just hit it and go...

00:11:34.000 You can take a little sample.

00:11:35.000 Okay, let's do a little sample.

00:11:40.000 This doesn't make for very good TV.

00:11:48.000 God, I took out the recycling this morning.

00:11:50.000 There were so many bottles in there and Budweiser cans.

00:11:54.000 I was embarrassed.

00:11:56.000 I actually got out the recycling about an hour before the truck came.

00:12:01.000 How many of us are doing that?

00:12:02.000 Waiting until they can hear the truck and then running out?

00:12:06.000 I don't like people knowing my business.

00:12:07.000 I don't like people knowing my business.

00:12:14.000 I prefer the music of single moms and their new boyfriends. 0.77

00:12:18.000 Jeez.

00:12:21.000 Ooh.

00:12:26.000 Ooh, that's good.

00:12:27.000 It's almost scotchy.

00:12:29.000 Really smoky.

00:12:31.000 That's not that sweet.

00:12:33.000 I like it.

00:12:34.000 It's like, it reminds me of Tullamore Dew, like an Irish whiskey.

00:12:39.000 But it's America's finest bourbon made with pure American grains.

00:12:43.000 Nice stuff, America.

00:12:45.000 Really good.

00:12:45.000 Tastes scotchy, right?

00:12:47.000 Yeah.

00:12:48.000 Smokey.

00:12:49.000 All right, let's get started.

00:12:52.000 Important news.

00:12:54.000 Before we, by the way, this is the Be a Man show.

00:12:58.000 Be a Real Man.

00:12:59.000 And I want to talk about Jimmy Kimmel and Howard Stern and how they used to be an inspiration.

00:13:05.000 They were so dangerous.

00:13:07.000 And now they're fucking faggots. 1.00

00:13:09.000 I felt ugly.

00:13:10.000 I felt gay.

00:13:12.000 But before we get to that, let's cover a few newsy pieces.

00:13:16.000 I thought this was interesting.

00:13:18.000 So, in the New York Post, which is just COVID, COVID, COVID.

00:13:23.000 That's why I've not been bringing it in.

00:13:25.000 Adele had a little birthday thing.

00:13:28.000 Adele was dying, right?

00:13:31.000 Now she lost a lot of weight.

00:13:33.000 She looks more attractive now.

00:13:37.000 A big part of beauty is, can I breed with you?

00:13:39.000 Will you live if we get married?

00:13:41.000 Junkies aren't attractive because they're dying.

00:13:46.000 Food addicts are not attractive because they're dying. 0.86

00:13:49.000 But if you go back to that article, look, you can see it was written by a woman, Francesca Bacardi.

00:13:55.000 Women don't make for good writers because just like they're not great at being hilarious because they're not mean, they're too nice, they don't report the news well. 1.00

00:14:04.000 A major part of this story is that there was backlash against her for being fat. 1.00

00:14:09.000 No, go back to the article, please.

00:14:11.000 And if you look at all the quotes that Francesca chose, it's, I mean, are you kidding me?

00:14:18.000 Tegan commented.

00:14:19.000 You are truly our angel.

00:14:21.000 And why you won.

00:14:24.000 Why you won?

00:14:25.000 Little rapper Lil Naz X wrote.

00:14:28.000 What the fuck does that mean?

00:14:29.000 Why you won?

00:14:32.000 I guess it's urban slang.

00:14:34.000 And Francesca fails to mention the massive backlash against Adele.

00:14:39.000 Why are you skipping over that, Francesca?

00:14:41.000 Because it's uncomfortable?

00:14:42.000 Yeah, the news is uncomfortable.

00:14:43.000 We're in a pandemic.

00:14:45.000 You shouldn't be reporting the truth if you can't handle the truth.

00:14:49.000 The truth is ugly.

00:14:50.000 I like the ugliness.

00:14:52.000 There is not a truth existing that I fear or would not want known to the whole world.

00:14:59.000 Sorry.

00:15:01.000 Hey, if we didn't have any racial parameters for university applications, McGill, Harvard, Yale would probably be about 90% Asian.

00:15:10.000 I don't give a shit.

00:15:12.000 That's the truth.

00:15:13.000 We shouldn't be trying to force some different thing.

00:15:19.000 Basketball is predominantly black.

00:15:21.000 I don't fucking care.

00:15:23.000 Let it be.

00:15:25.000 Anyway, here's the real story that Twitter is better at reporting.

00:15:28.000 Twitter is a robot algorithm that accrues patterns and it's better than women at reporting. 1.00

00:15:35.000 Look at this first one.

00:15:36.000 Katie Meehan, can we please not celebrate Adele for being, for losing weight like it's the ultimate achievement?

00:15:43.000 The news articles and tweets are disgusting.

00:15:46.000 So it's disgusting now to say you're not dying.

00:15:50.000 And look at this woman, by the way. 1.00

00:15:51.000 She is an authority because she's disfigured. 1.00

00:15:55.000 You can't really see it in that picture, but her jaw hangs down like a Jay Leno cartoon. 0.91

00:16:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:16:03.000 Yeah.

00:16:04.000 So she's allowed to say that shit because again, fear of confrontation.

00:16:08.000 No one wants to contradict a disfigured person. 0.99

00:16:10.000 Whatever you want, which is kind of the way they talk to blacks and the way they treat blacks. 0.94

00:16:15.000 They treat them like they're disfigured.

00:16:16.000 And that's what I resent.

00:16:18.000 I hope I get this across on the show.

00:16:19.000 Last night I was watching TV and I was on channel 887 and it was Blind Date with Fox.

00:16:28.000 What's his name?

00:16:29.000 Jamie Fox and one of the Wayans, right?

00:16:32.000 And there's a scene in it where there's a bodega.

00:16:35.000 The bodega, you can tell this is written by black people because it's totally insensitive.

00:16:38.000 And the bodega is run by two Indians.

00:16:41.000 One's played by an Indian.

00:16:42.000 The other has a turban on. 0.53

00:16:43.000 Oh my gosh, what are you doing today, buddy?

00:16:47.000 Like it's that over the top and not even that good.

00:16:50.000 Like I just did a way better job.

00:16:51.000 Anyway, some white dude, typical white dude, give me all your money and is robbing the store, the bodega. 0.94

00:16:57.000 Why aren't you looking at bodega scene blind date, you goddamn motherfucking retard? 1.00

00:17:01.000 What were you just doing there?

00:17:02.000 I noticed something about the chins of somebody else who said, I said.

00:17:07.000 Yeah, we'll get to that.

00:17:08.000 That's next.

00:17:10.000 Like, why are you just sort of enjoying watching?

00:17:12.000 You're not watching this show.

00:17:14.000 You're in it.

00:17:15.000 You're driving the boat.

00:17:17.000 Stop looking at the scenery.

00:17:19.000 Blind date, robbery scene.

00:17:22.000 Anyway, oh, fuck.

00:17:24.000 Jamie Foxx, Damon Wayans, movie.

00:17:30.000 Anyway, the white guy shows up and he says to the, oh my gosh, what are we doing, Buster Brown?

00:17:36.000 He goes to rob the store.

00:17:38.000 They run up and knock out the white robber.

00:17:41.000 Fuck you.

00:17:41.000 Bang.

00:17:42.000 I'm so sick of white guys coming into the hood and robbing our bodegas. 1.00

00:17:47.000 What?

00:17:48.000 Then I hit forward because I'm bored of that stupid movie.

00:17:51.000 It's Nickelodeon levels.

00:17:52.000 It's basically a teletopic.

00:17:54.000 Thanks for showing us the homepage there, Ryan.

00:17:59.000 Oh, it froze.

00:18:03.000 And I go one channel up, and one minute later, channel 888 is Panic Room, where we have two white guys, and I'll give you this, a black guy, Forrest Whitaker.

00:18:14.000 Two white guys and a black guy robbing a white family as they're want to do. 0.98

00:18:21.000 And these evil white guys have no scruples and they want to kill everyone.

00:18:25.000 Forrest Whitaker was one of the thieves, but he comes back at the end of the movie, even though he could have escaped, and kills one of the white guys because he was going to hurt them.

00:18:33.000 And he didn't want anyone hurt.

00:18:35.000 In fact, I think they were just robbing that couple for drug money, but I think he was robbing them so his daughter could go to a nice school.

00:18:43.000 Because that's usually the impetus for black thievery. 1.00

00:18:48.000 Anyway, you don't got it.

00:18:51.000 Is that the name of the movie, Blind Date?

00:18:51.000 Is that the movie?

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:54.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:18:57.000 1997, I believe.

00:19:01.000 Why are you so terrible at this?

00:19:03.000 Is it called Wanda's Blind Date?

00:19:06.000 Wanda's Blind Date?

00:19:07.000 No.

00:19:10.000 Oh, sorry.

00:19:10.000 I'm wrong.

00:19:11.000 You're right.

00:19:12.000 Embarrassing.

00:19:13.000 I apologize to Ryan on this show.

00:19:16.000 That's great.

00:19:17.000 I was breaking your balls.

00:19:18.000 Thank you.

00:19:18.000 It's called Booty Call.

00:19:19.000 Booty Call.

00:19:20.000 Oh, I remember Booty Call.

00:19:24.000 It's like a sex date.

00:19:26.000 Lots of talk about fucking, but the comedy level is for an infant.

00:19:29.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:19:31.000 Y'all got anything cheaper than this?

00:19:32.000 Well, that's the 300.

00:19:33.000 The 100 is back there on the shelf.

00:19:35.000 Back there on the shelf.

00:19:37.000 What are you a southern seek?

00:19:39.000 I don't trust those boys.

00:19:41.000 my God, you know what I think, Ahmed? 0.92

00:19:42.000 I think that that girl was the judge's fuzzy temptress. 1.00

00:19:45.000 Furry Temptress. 1.00

00:19:46.000 What is the difference?

00:19:47.000 You don't know the difference between fuzzy and whatever that is.

00:19:47.000 What is the difference?

00:19:51.000 Aren't you sick of walking around Brooklyn, East New York, and these goddamn white pieces of shit go into the hood and pull guns? 1.00

00:20:05.000 I wouldn't be surprised if this has never happened.

00:20:08.000 Or at least, like, East New York and Brooklyn have changed.

00:20:11.000 They used to be more middle class, up and down, up and down.

00:20:11.000 They used to be whiter.

00:20:14.000 But as far as this current model of Brooklyn, the idea of a white dude going into, the idea of a white dude going to East New York is weird.

00:20:22.000 We used to drive around it in my buddy's Merck blaring Metallica because hard rock in that neighborhood is unthinkable.

00:20:29.000 And you'd be blaring Metallica and other metal and people would be stopping going, what the fuck is going on with that car?

00:20:34.000 It's making a weird sound I've never heard before.

00:20:36.000 What kind of car?

00:20:37.000 The Mercury?

00:20:38.000 Is that sure for Mercury?

00:20:40.000 Because I've heard you mention that before.

00:20:40.000 What's a Merck?

00:20:42.000 Yeah, Mercedes.

00:20:43.000 That is a Merck.

00:20:44.000 Okay.

00:20:48.000 So yeah, go back to the reaction to Adele and don't try to look up Mercedes because you've never heard of it before.

00:20:54.000 Yeah, that's another one, that one you were just looking at.

00:20:56.000 I see that Adele is trending because people are saying how gorgeous she is since she lost weight. 0.53

00:21:08.000 Yes!

00:21:10.000 That's what we're saying.

00:21:11.000 That's what we're saying.

00:21:17.000 Adele is more attractive since her fucking gunt isn't hanging over the front of her underpants. 1.00

00:21:26.000 What?

00:21:28.000 What?

00:21:28.000 Adele is more attractive now that we can make out her facial shape and it's not just an inflated fucking inner tube around her neck.

00:21:38.000 So what does this hideous cow say?

00:21:41.000 She's also got jaw problems. 1.00

00:21:44.000 Okay, look, lady, you're not less of a human being. 0.62

00:21:48.000 You deserve the same rights as everyone.

00:21:50.000 You're not going to do well in modeling.

00:21:51.000 You shouldn't be a waitress, probably. 1.00

00:21:53.000 You'll probably get less tips than a knockout. 1.00

00:21:55.000 You shouldn't be a greeter at a restaurant, but we wish you nothing but the best.

00:22:00.000 But I'm sorry, you're not attractive.

00:22:03.000 Good audition to be zoomed.

00:22:04.000 You're severely disfigured.

00:22:07.000 And we live in a civilized society.

00:22:09.000 In Costa Rica, by the way, in Central America, you'd be kept in the basement. 1.00

00:22:13.000 People think of like Africa and other archaic cultures when they think of how we would treat the handicapped.

00:22:19.000 Central America is real bad.

00:22:21.000 I used to live in Costa Rica.

00:22:23.000 They think that when you have a crippled child, it's God saying you suck.

00:22:27.000 So they hide him in the basement because of the shame.

00:22:30.000 So you're welcome that you're in the West, the civilized world.

00:22:34.000 But you're not beautiful.

00:22:36.000 Sorry.

00:22:37.000 I'm not a male model either.

00:22:39.000 So we can hang out together and kvetch about how unattractive we are.

00:22:43.000 But Adele is more attractive since she lost weight. 1.00

00:22:45.000 So what does she say, that fucking weird-looking Ziggy?

00:22:50.000 I see that Adele's trending, by the way.

00:22:54.000 Y'all, now she's like a hip dope chick. 1.00

00:22:56.000 Now she's on a booty call. 0.99

00:22:58.000 Y'all, we've been over this.

00:22:59.000 Your weight doesn't determine your beauty.

00:23:01.000 Your appearance doesn't determine your beauty.

00:23:04.000 What?

00:23:05.000 That's not true.

00:23:10.000 You're going to pontificate.

00:23:12.000 People like to see you pontificating.

00:23:14.000 Okay, well, I can pontificate a small square until I finish reading the goddamn tweet.

00:23:19.000 The number on the scale doesn't make you worthy or unworthy.

00:23:22.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:23:24.000 Did anyone say she's more worthy now? 0.95

00:23:27.000 I'm saying it, but no one else was.

00:23:30.000 Yeah, you're more worthy.

00:23:32.000 I know, by the way, a guy who used to be Adele's photographer, and she fell madly in love with him, and he wasn't interested.

00:23:41.000 And he pieced out of there because she's too fat. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Sorry, she was too fat. 0.99

00:23:47.000 And they could have got married.

00:23:48.000 They could have had a wonderful life.

00:23:50.000 So her obesity has already drastically altered her life.

00:23:55.000 Now she looks fucking amazing. 1.00

00:23:58.000 Is that malice?

00:24:03.000 Hello?

00:24:04.000 You don't think she looks better as Kevin James in a wig?

00:24:09.000 Problem is, oh, is that ginger spice?

00:24:11.000 Problem is, it's too late now.

00:24:13.000 How old is Adele?

00:24:15.000 Let's see.

00:24:17.000 Here's the deal, ladies. 1.00

00:24:18.000 20 to 25.

00:24:20.000 What's this little lump here?

00:24:22.000 20 to 25, everything's off the table.

00:24:24.000 You're likely pretty good.

00:24:25.000 I wouldn't worry about anything, really.

00:24:27.000 32.

00:24:28.000 25 to 30, time to find a man.

00:24:31.000 Closer to 25, the better, because you can have the ideal number of kids, which is five.

00:24:35.000 30, you're going to get traded in for a younger model. 1.00

00:24:40.000 Better start being real careful about who you date.

00:24:44.000 And then 35, bye.

00:24:46.000 I remember my wife would have her friends over when we were like 40, and their friends would be all.

00:24:52.000 So who are you going to hook me up with?

00:24:54.000 One time one of our friends stayed with us at our place upstate, and we'd all been drinking, and I was drinking my honesty juice.

00:25:00.000 And she said, so who are you going to hook me up with?

00:25:04.000 And I just said, we'll call her Lucy.

00:25:07.000 Lucy, your ship has sailed.

00:25:09.000 No guys I know want to be with a 40-year-old woman. 1.00

00:25:13.000 They might want to have kids.

00:25:14.000 Even a 45-year-old man could get a 25-year-old woman. 0.99

00:25:20.000 I'm not saying that's right, but that's just the way it is.

00:25:24.000 Your ship has sailed.

00:25:25.000 You waited too long.

00:25:26.000 And inevitably, when I talk to these women, there's a proposal they turn down. 0.99

00:25:31.000 They haven't been going like this.

00:25:32.000 They've been sex in the citying for 20 years.

00:25:36.000 And then they go, okay, I'm ready now.

00:25:38.000 Well, you waited too long.

00:25:44.000 All right, I have a new segment now I'm calling Tangentially COVID, where we don't talk about COVID, but there are some things weekly related, like that beard thing I was talking about.

00:25:56.000 James O'Keefe just keeps fucking hitting it out of the park.

00:26:01.000 How does he do this?

00:26:02.000 I think he's autistic. 0.99

00:26:04.000 We need more autistic males in news and less touchy-feely women. 1.00

00:26:10.000 Just play this.

00:26:11.000 You're 100% certain that CBS News, CBS News Corporation National, staged a fake event.

00:26:20.000 They fake the news.

00:26:21.000 They faked the reality and broadcasted that to all of their audience last Friday on CBS this morning.

00:26:28.000 100%.

00:26:29.000 Absolutely.

00:26:34.000 Like, I know CNN is a PR firm for CNN, and I know CBS is corrupt and left-wing, but I kind of thought CBS was above CNN.

00:26:44.000 I mean, 60 Minutes is a nightmare to watch, but at least they've been around for longer, but that's naive of me to think.

00:26:50.000 So if you go to Project Veritas, they sign you up on this email newsletter, and they'll keep you updated.

00:26:54.000 They haven't quite spilled the beans, but I think what's happening is they staged an anti-quarantine protest to create the news.

00:27:04.000 And we've seen this before.

00:27:05.000 Remember that news agency that was embedded with the KKK?

00:27:09.000 And they said, can you go have a cross burning?

00:27:12.000 And they go, we really don't really do that much anymore.

00:27:16.000 And they go, well, we'll pay for it.

00:27:17.000 So they brought the Klan. 0.67

00:27:19.000 And when I say the Klan, I mean like seven guys to Home Depot and had them buy.

00:27:28.000 Ryan is sitting here, by the way, as I tell this story.

00:27:30.000 Instead of looking it up, he's going, it's crazy.

00:27:33.000 Once again, he's watching the show he's on.

00:27:36.000 Did Jennifer Anison watch friends while they were taping and laugh at Chandler's funny mannerisms?

00:27:42.000 So they brought them to Home Depot, had them buy wood, make a cross, bought the rags, got the gas, set it up like this, yeah, yeah, like that.

00:27:52.000 And had them do a cross burning so they could have it on their fucking show. 0.98

00:27:56.000 This is the weird...

00:28:00.000 Crossburning?

00:28:02.000 CBS.

00:28:02.000 Crossburning.

00:28:03.000 I don't know if it was CBS.

00:28:05.000 This is what you look up, Ryan.

00:28:07.000 News agency staged crossburning.

00:28:12.000 Like, you're so fucking literal.

00:28:13.000 I talk about Ottawa hardcore and you go, Ottawa, hardcore.

00:28:16.000 No, you look up Ottawa Punk Music Scene, 80s.

00:28:22.000 This has been this guy's job forever.

00:28:24.000 He's not good at it.

00:28:25.000 This should not be your job.

00:28:26.000 We should have a separate researcher. 0.82

00:28:28.000 Maybe instead of getting a bigger studio, we should just get more staff.

00:28:33.000 I have to be a little predictive, though.

00:28:34.000 I got to understand, you know, when you want me to look stuff up.

00:28:37.000 You're like, don't look that up.

00:28:37.000 Sometimes I'll look stuff up.

00:28:38.000 What are you doing?

00:28:39.000 So I just want to know.

00:28:40.000 If you say, look that up, like Joe Rogan.

00:28:43.000 It doesn't take him any time.

00:28:44.000 He just goes, look that up.

00:28:45.000 So I have to say, look that up from now on.

00:28:48.000 I mean.

00:28:49.000 So we don't know exactly what happened, but it looks like they staged an anti-quarantine event to make people look bad.

00:28:55.000 Holy fuck, what if they staged that fake roadblock?

00:28:58.000 Ooh, what if they staged the doctors in scrubs in front of that roadblock in Michigan?

00:29:04.000 Because when we got shown the map here, and I don't know, that wasn't a reliable source.

00:29:09.000 It was just a mail email we got.

00:29:11.000 But they showed the route not going near a ledge producer.

00:29:15.000 There we go.

00:29:20.000 Fake scenes and canceled.

00:29:22.000 A ⁇ E did it. 1.00

00:29:24.000 Isn't A ⁇ E Vice?

00:29:26.000 Okay, these models are annoying. 1.00

00:29:28.000 That makes a cool sound.

00:29:30.000 A ⁇ E is like a TV station.

00:29:35.000 Tiger King.

00:29:37.000 Well, that is cool.

00:29:39.000 That's more Jaguar.

00:29:41.000 Isn't that a jungle?

00:29:42.000 *throws* Thank you.

00:29:47.000 Isn't that more Jaguar?

00:29:48.000 Shut up. 0.95

00:29:49.000 Please, Ryan, do me this one favor.

00:29:52.000 When you're not sure of something, don't blurt it out.

00:29:55.000 Like, you know about shitty music, guitars, the Bronx.

00:30:01.000 When you are sure about something, then blurt it out.

00:30:07.000 Okay, that's probably the same as a fucking tiger.

00:30:10.000 It's the same as a lion.

00:30:15.000 Also in the tangentially COVID news, please don't look it up anymore.

00:30:20.000 1-4, look at Pennsylvania's, the head of their COVID-19 response.

00:30:29.000 What happened there?

00:30:30.000 Just like shoot off the screen.

00:30:33.000 Dr. Rachel Levine.

00:30:35.000 Hey, viewers at home, can you find me Rachel Levine before she was Rachel Levine?

00:30:39.000 I think her name was Ronald or something.

00:30:41.000 I can't find her anywhere, but she used to be, I feel so stupid saying she.

00:30:46.000 Look at that guy.

00:30:47.000 That's your dad's friend.

00:30:49.000 That's your dad's ugly passive friend who sucks at golf. 0.62

00:30:53.000 Why is he there?

00:30:55.000 Anyway, he is a big trans doctor, trans activist, has a lot to say about trans.

00:31:03.000 at this weird pig Now, I'm a very hopeful and optimistic person.

00:31:17.000 And many people have asked me how I can remain hopeful.

00:31:21.000 Is he even taking estrogen?

00:31:24.000 Like you look at what's her name?

00:31:27.000 The one we like.

00:31:28.000 Jazz Jennings?

00:31:29.000 Blair White.

00:31:30.000 We don't like Jazz Jennings.

00:31:32.000 We like Blair White. 0.99

00:31:33.000 Like our friends.

00:31:35.000 Or even Jazz Jennings.

00:31:36.000 She sounds like a woman when she talks.

00:31:38.000 This just sounds like my dad without a Scottish accent.

00:31:42.000 Hopeful and optimistic when life is changing so quickly.

00:31:47.000 Well, I'm an hopeful and optimistic person because of the fantastic health care professionals, first responders, and emergency medical services who are working tirelessly to make sure that Pennsylvanians are safe.

00:32:02.000 You look like a clown.

00:32:04.000 Because of our fantastic public servants under the leadership of Governor Tom Wolfe.

00:32:08.000 I think we all have to keep a straight face with this.

00:32:10.000 We're shipping services to all of our citizens in Pennsylvania.

00:32:14.000 So I just saw Mrs. Deltfire. 0.98

00:32:16.000 That was a comedy.

00:32:17.000 This isn't a comedy?

00:32:18.000 Okay, so I'm sorry.

00:32:20.000 And the Pennsylvania Emergency Management Agency, they are really working.

00:32:20.000 Get serious.

00:32:26.000 Of course, no one can beat the head of the Quebeco.

00:32:28.000 Look this up, Separatist Party. 0.97

00:32:31.000 Manon, Manuel Manon, or something like that.

00:32:34.000 She's got a mustache and huge tits. 1.00

00:32:37.000 What the fuck's her name?

00:32:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:39.000 I know what you're talking about.

00:32:40.000 Quebec Separatist Party.

00:32:42.000 Two M's. 0.98

00:32:45.000 For this, you should look up Woman with Mustache Quebec.

00:32:51.000 Politics.

00:32:54.000 There we go.

00:32:57.000 What the fuck is that mess?

00:33:00.000 Like, right there above my head, he looks like a normal dude with long hair.

00:33:06.000 But generally, this is the Quebec Separatist Party who got into power recently by saying, we promise not to try to separate.

00:33:15.000 That's just our name.

00:33:16.000 Manon Massé.

00:33:17.000 Manon Masset.

00:33:19.000 Fucking Manon Masset.

00:33:20.000 Let's hear Manon Masset talk for a second.

00:33:24.000 Any interviews avecle?

00:33:27.000 Bon bélolo, c'est la grand chauz avec le separation in vafer tout que yes, we did it.

00:33:46.000 Alors, dès demain matin, je reprendrai le bâton de pèlerin.

00:33:46.000 Pour nos agriculteurs agriculteurs...

00:33:46.000 At least he has a female voice.

00:33:48.000 That might be a chick who took testosterone. 1.00

00:33:52.000 That's where the mustache came in.

00:33:53.000 I don't fucking know.

00:34:04.000 They're saying boo to Ottawa because Ottawa's the problem.

00:34:07.000 It's like saying, fuck you, DC.

00:34:08.000 The gas?

00:34:18.000 Yep.

00:34:19.000 All right.

00:34:21.000 Last political thing, one, five.

00:34:24.000 I thought this was interesting.

00:34:25.000 This woman put up this tweet saying, admitting, just like we were talking about yesterday, admitting that Biden raped her.

00:34:31.000 And she says, Joe Biden could rape me in the middle of Fifth Avenue, and I would still vote for him before I would vote for Trump or Sanders.

00:34:39.000 Now, my question to you is, what percentage of this is a joke?

00:34:48.000 I'm leaning to zero.

00:34:50.000 I mean, yes, she's aware of the humor.

00:34:52.000 Yes, she's being hyperbolic.

00:34:53.000 But let's get literal here.

00:34:55.000 What if Joe Biden was drunk, they were drunk, he tackled her on the street, she said, Joe, get off me, please.

00:35:01.000 And he raped her in the middle of the street. 0.96

00:35:03.000 She went and was crying.

00:35:04.000 The police said, you want to press charges?

00:35:06.000 I think she would say no.

00:35:08.000 And I think if someone went up to her and said, I know you don't feel like voting today, and maybe you can press charges after he's done his presidency, but do you want to vote for him?

00:35:14.000 Because if you don't, it's a vote.

00:35:16.000 It's a vote for Trump.

00:35:17.000 And she went, I can't believe I made that joke on Twitter.

00:35:20.000 I didn't know it was going to happen.

00:35:22.000 Yeah, I'll vote.

00:35:24.000 And she votes Biden.

00:35:27.000 What do you think?

00:35:28.000 What percentage of that is a joke?

00:35:30.000 I'd say, to be fair, I think it's 80.

00:35:33.000 She's telling people over and over again that it's a joke.

00:35:37.000 I don't think it's because she regrets it.

00:35:38.000 I think she thought that was funny.

00:35:42.000 Really?

00:35:42.000 She has as much forgiveness as if she's serious.

00:35:45.000 Okay, let me rephrase it then.

00:35:46.000 Maybe she's not aware of how much of a joke that was.

00:35:49.000 Hey, lady, here's Joe Biden. 0.69

00:35:51.000 Now he's going to rape you, and you don't get to vote for him.

00:35:56.000 No, he's going to rape you and you still have to vote for him.

00:35:59.000 Or he won't rape you and you have to vote for Trump.

00:36:01.000 Or here's a better way.

00:36:02.000 What about this?

00:36:03.000 Four more years of Trump or Joe Biden rapes you and we get four years of Biden.

00:36:10.000 I think she would choose the latter.

00:36:12.000 100%.

00:36:15.000 She'd be like, I sacrificed.

00:36:17.000 Yeah, that's the other thing, too.

00:36:18.000 I'm glad you mentioned that.

00:36:19.000 I was going to mention that.

00:36:20.000 She'd be such a hero.

00:36:22.000 I took a penis bullet for this country.

00:36:24.000 Yeah, headline.

00:36:25.000 And I actually did enjoy it.

00:36:26.000 My horniness died so you could live.

00:36:30.000 Finally, I was thinking of another t-shirt.

00:36:33.000 There's no link for this.

00:36:34.000 Ted Cruz 2032.

00:36:36.000 That's our new campaign here at censored.tv.

00:36:40.000 Flags, pins, shirts.

00:36:44.000 2032.

00:36:45.000 Ted Cruz 2032.

00:36:47.000 We know we're getting Trump for four more years.

00:36:49.000 That's just a given.

00:36:52.000 And also that comedian Brandon Walsh is going to have to eat a plate of dog shit because he said he would.

00:36:59.000 So that's a fact.

00:37:00.000 Now, unfortunately, in American history, we tend to go Democrat, Republican, Democrat, Republican, Democrat, Republican.

00:37:06.000 It's also very rare that we switch midterm.

00:37:09.000 So the odds are 90% that after Trump has done this, we're going to get some shitty fucking dem.

00:37:17.000 And they're not sending their best.

00:37:19.000 They better do better than Joe Biden because we're not even enjoying this.

00:37:23.000 But they can basically put up anyone they want in 2024, right?

00:37:31.000 They'll probably do like a chick. 1.00

00:37:33.000 They might do Hillary. 1.00

00:37:34.000 I don't know.

00:37:35.000 But they'll probably do like Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, someone like that. 0.96

00:37:40.000 And we'll tolerate that stupid bitch for eight years. 1.00

00:37:43.000 Everyone will be so happy.

00:37:44.000 A woman.

00:37:45.000 They won't talk about her policy.

00:37:46.000 So just talk about the fact that a woman is in charge. 1.00

00:37:49.000 No, it won't be the one we like, the Hawaiian broad, Tulsi.

00:37:55.000 And then we'll get our chance back in 2032.

00:37:58.000 We will have already shown them that if they fuck with us, we unleash the hounds.

00:38:02.000 So they'll say, okay, okay, take it easy this time.

00:38:05.000 And we'll give them a civilized, non-street smart, non-New Yorker who has the Constitution memorized, Ted Cruz, and you'll really see what we can do when you don't make us play hardball.

00:38:21.000 That is my theory.

00:38:23.000 Ted Cruz 2032.

00:38:26.000 All right.

00:38:29.000 In the entertainment news, we watched a movie last night.

00:38:32.000 Ryan came over and disrupted my home because I got him a bike.

00:38:37.000 He's biking distance from my house.

00:38:39.000 He refuses to fix it.

00:38:41.000 So he took an Uber over to the house.

00:38:43.000 It was very late.

00:38:44.000 And that infests my home with Uber germs.

00:38:48.000 And then he can't just leave immediately because Ubers take like 20 minutes now and they cancel all the time.

00:38:54.000 So he comes upstairs.

00:38:55.000 We have to talk in the kitchen.

00:38:56.000 That wakes up my daughter.

00:38:57.000 She has a bad dream.

00:38:58.000 She's freaked out.

00:38:59.000 Why are there voices?

00:39:00.000 My wife has to go in, take care of her. 1.00

00:39:03.000 Now my wife's up. 1.00

00:39:04.000 Now my wife can't sleep. 1.00

00:39:05.000 She's coughing.

00:39:06.000 Now she's worried she has COVID.

00:39:08.000 All because Ryan can't fix a bike.

00:39:10.000 I bought him.

00:39:12.000 Sheesh.

00:39:14.000 Well, I'm going to fix it.

00:39:15.000 Oh, okay.

00:39:16.000 my own accord as it is mine and uh i don't might just take it back feel like there's you I mean, but sorry I didn't fix my bike fast enough.

00:39:16.000 That's it.

00:39:26.000 So you go into the bike.

00:39:27.000 Now you have a problem.

00:39:29.000 I solve it by getting you a bike.

00:39:31.000 And then the problem persists.

00:39:33.000 The weather just got good enough for me as a hot-blooded person who likes to ride bikes in nice weather to ride my bike.

00:39:40.000 Let me just remind you folks at home that I said, dude, stop wasting money on Ubers.

00:39:44.000 Here, I bought you a bike.

00:39:45.000 It's like $150.

00:39:46.000 Go get groceries now on your bike.

00:39:49.000 On my bike?

00:39:49.000 And he goes, what?

00:39:51.000 How do they take on the bike?

00:39:52.000 Dude, I had put him in a backpack.

00:39:53.000 And he goes, eggs.

00:39:56.000 All right, not just eggs.

00:39:57.000 You have to see the yield, the $250 yield.

00:40:01.000 I bought five pounds of ground beef, two pounds of pork loin, chicken, eggs, milk.

00:40:07.000 Five pounds of ground pieces.

00:40:08.000 I had three big bags.

00:40:11.000 That's not a bike.

00:40:12.000 Yeah, that's a bike trip.

00:40:12.000 That's not a bike trip.

00:40:13.000 You just put it in your backpack.

00:40:15.000 It's not, but sure.

00:40:15.000 Okay.

00:40:18.000 I couldn't even get it.

00:40:19.000 Pretend you're going to the gym.

00:40:20.000 Pretend you're going to the bike gym, and there's a resistance thing where you have to put a backpack on.

00:40:28.000 Yes, you might get sweaty, God forbid.

00:40:31.000 I was riding a fucking bike in Montreal in the winter carrying massive packages on my back and fucking things that went up this high.

00:40:41.000 I just didn't think it was ideal is all.

00:40:41.000 All right.

00:40:43.000 Oh, it's not ideal, no.

00:40:44.000 No, definitely not.

00:40:46.000 No, but you're not wealthy enough to live the ideal lifestyle.

00:40:50.000 You take a chauffeur to the grocery store.

00:40:52.000 That's not normal.

00:40:53.000 I walked two and then Ubered back.

00:40:58.000 Anyway, we saw the movie Code 8 last night, which is a stupid movie.

00:41:02.000 The subtext is illegal aliens are magic and we shouldn't treat them like shit.

00:41:07.000 And imagine if you were an illegal alien.

00:41:12.000 No, I don't have to imagine that.

00:41:13.000 I spent thousands of dollars and years and lawyers trying to get my green card.

00:41:19.000 So they want to portray illegals as just special, just like superheroes, which is gay. 0.94

00:41:28.000 But in it, there's this woman whose superpower is healing. 1.00

00:41:32.000 And I think she's the perfect kind of chick. 1.00

00:41:34.000 She's my new fave.

00:41:36.000 And she's the perfect kind of chick that I want to start pushing on this show. 1.00

00:41:39.000 I feel terrible that we pushed supermodels.

00:41:42.000 They're so boring and lame.

00:41:44.000 And as we learned yesterday with that Mexican, they just had tons of plastic surgery. 1.00

00:41:48.000 She's not in the cast, by the way.

00:41:49.000 They have like reporter, truck passenger, security guard.

00:41:49.000 Look at that.

00:41:53.000 She's a major player in the movie. 0.83

00:41:56.000 Yeah, she's like 17th on the list. 1.00

00:41:59.000 Kyla Kane is my new fave.

00:42:02.000 Look at that.

00:42:03.000 Look at her buck teeth. 1.00

00:42:05.000 Click on her again so we can see her better. 0.92

00:42:07.000 Two photos.

00:42:08.000 See, that's...

00:42:14.000 But that's like a solid 7.19.

00:42:19.000 That's what you want to marry.

00:42:21.000 You don't want to marry an 8 or a 9. 1.00

00:42:22.000 It's too much of a headache, and they're vapid.

00:42:24.000 You want to marry a 7 between a 6.5 and an 8. 0.94

00:42:33.000 That movie was pretty cool, though.

00:42:34.000 You know what's interesting about it?

00:42:36.000 I'm thinking now the young generation are the only ones who know how to use the modern cameras.

00:42:42.000 Because you look at Mobtown with David Arquette, and I think it's grizzled old film dudes who are used to holding something that weighs 40 pounds with a little Sony XD on like a jib thing.

00:42:55.000 You know, that non-resistance doohickey, those dudes that don't move around. 0.90

00:43:01.000 Stabilizer, yeah.

00:43:02.000 I don't think they know how to use cameras.

00:43:07.000 Of course, the trailer is going to have the best lighting possible.

00:43:09.000 But look, you see that clip they just showed?

00:43:11.000 Like, you can't see the guy.

00:43:14.000 This one, there.

00:43:16.000 I couldn't see him.

00:43:17.000 Yeah, how so?

00:43:19.000 Look how bad this lighting is.

00:43:22.000 I want their loyalty.

00:43:23.000 And the framing's real tight, too.

00:43:27.000 Look, that guy's in the dark.

00:43:28.000 Everything is at dusk.

00:43:31.000 And then you watch a stupid, shitty, you know, dumb movie like Code 8, which was fun to watch.

00:43:37.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:43:38.000 Like, if you have a buddy over or an arch enemy like Ryan, definitely put it on and just veg out.

00:43:44.000 It's not highbrow.

00:43:45.000 But the quality of the shots, each one you could freeze frame and make a poster.

00:43:50.000 Just click anywhere on any of those.

00:43:53.000 I think the kids today, look at that lighting.

00:43:56.000 Look, it's perfect.

00:43:57.000 You can see everyone's face perfectly in every scene.

00:44:03.000 Okay, okay, everybody face down on the pavement now.

00:44:09.000 Go a little farther in so we see because anyone can film outdoors.

00:44:13.000 See if there's an indoor shot.

00:44:15.000 This is not HD either.

00:44:16.000 Let me get an HD clip.

00:44:18.000 No, it doesn't need to be an HD clip.

00:44:20.000 Just find them indoors.

00:44:22.000 We're talking about lighting and shit.

00:44:24.000 There we go.

00:44:25.000 This will run the gamut.

00:44:29.000 He's in a dark face.

00:44:29.000 Look at that.

00:44:33.000 Everybody's showing this room.

00:44:34.000 Just skip ahead.

00:44:37.000 Chadwick.

00:44:38.000 Oh, Chadwick Moore's in it.

00:44:40.000 I'm wondering why a guy like you got in the van.

00:44:42.000 Hi, Milo's going to be late today.

00:44:44.000 He's sick.

00:44:46.000 Sorry to announce to everybody that Milo actually isn't coming in today.

00:44:50.000 Thank you for coming.

00:44:51.000 Unfortunately, next week, we'll have...

00:44:57.000 That was such a good Chadwick Moore.

00:44:59.000 It's eerie.

00:45:02.000 Look at that.

00:45:03.000 He's looking at a light bulb and the fucking lighting is awesome.

00:45:05.000 All the graphics ruled.

00:45:07.000 All the graphics were, yeah, all the special effects were perfect.

00:45:10.000 And you don't recognize anybody.

00:45:12.000 There's no actors in this.

00:45:13.000 Which was also awesome.

00:45:14.000 I wasn't pulled out of it by.

00:45:14.000 Yeah.

00:45:16.000 Oh, that's the guy from fucking Harry Met Gruff.

00:45:19.000 Well, they had Andre 2999 in it.

00:45:23.000 The black guy that almost looks like Andre.

00:45:25.000 Yeah.

00:45:28.000 Yeah, he got mixed up with some bad people.

00:45:30.000 Definitely, no part of it sucked.

00:45:32.000 You know, it just moved really good.

00:45:35.000 All right, also in the news, I feel guilty when we show shit like that.

00:45:40.000 That reading list that Milo and Michelle Malkin put together is organic.

00:45:45.000 I didn't know that.

00:45:46.000 So it was at 202.

00:45:48.000 Now it's at 198.

00:45:50.000 I think they should take out the Shakespeare.

00:45:52.000 It's called America First.

00:45:55.000 This doesn't have a number.

00:45:59.000 Shakespeare was a really good writer from the old-timey days who wrote soap operas.

00:46:04.000 I don't know.

00:46:04.000 Is that America First?

00:46:07.000 And I know I realize that America, the American Revolution wasn't Americans kicking out the British.

00:46:11.000 It was working class British kicking out the upper class British. 1.00

00:46:15.000 But there's way too much Shakespeare in this.

00:46:17.000 Anyway, I was recommending some.

00:46:19.000 They didn't make it to the list.

00:46:20.000 But here's some books that I think should be on that list.

00:46:24.000 And I'm going to start, me and my brother have decided we're going to start plowing through all 200 of those.

00:46:29.000 I mean, they don't have to be done in a year, right?

00:46:31.000 I started Art of War.

00:46:33.000 Art of War?

00:46:35.000 By Sung Shang Shu?

00:46:36.000 Why?

00:46:37.000 I don't know.

00:46:38.000 But it was a must-read.

00:46:38.000 It's way over your head.

00:46:40.000 Why didn't you start the joke is over?

00:46:41.000 I comprehend everything that was going on in it.

00:46:44.000 How are you reading The Art of War?

00:46:45.000 It's an audiobook.

00:46:52.000 I didn't want to admit that, but you got to read it.

00:46:54.000 The readers said you should try to get Ryan to read, and he fucking finds an audiobook.

00:46:58.000 You know who listens to audiobooks?

00:46:59.000 People on road trips.

00:47:01.000 People in cars.

00:47:02.000 Not people who can read.

00:47:05.000 Anyway, here's some I'd like to add to it.

00:47:06.000 And I've mentioned them on the show before, but they really stand up.

00:47:09.000 And I chose these without looking at my books.

00:47:12.000 So this is just me sitting in a chair going, what really changed my life and was an incredible read.

00:47:19.000 Hero of the Empire is, it's like an adventure novel.

00:47:23.000 It's all true, and it's about Churchill before he was Churchill, and it's about the Boer War where Britain took over South Africa for a limited time.

00:47:32.000 And he escapes from a POW prison, not to add too many spoilers, but it's just a really fun book to read.

00:47:39.000 It's really exciting.

00:47:41.000 And Candace Millard is a fucking amazing writer. 1.00

00:47:46.000 Women can't write, but some women can really write. 1.00

00:47:50.000 Also on the list, I think you've got to put in Unbroken, another great female writer.

00:47:55.000 Do not watch the Angelina Jolie movie.

00:47:57.000 She ruined it.

00:47:58.000 But this is also a roller coaster ride.

00:48:01.000 Angelina's movie left out the part where he found Jesus Christ and it saved his life.

00:48:07.000 It didn't pay much credence to the fact that he had a mob war with sharks when he was living on a dinghy after falling out of his fucking plane.

00:48:17.000 Just an amazing book.

00:48:19.000 Really exciting to read.

00:48:22.000 Who built that?

00:48:23.000 Michelle has two of her books in there, but she doesn't have this one in.

00:48:27.000 If I was king of the world, everyone would have to read this book.

00:48:30.000 And when my kids are at the right age, I'm going to make them read this book at gunpoint.

00:48:34.000 There's an audiobook version, by the way, if you're an illiterate Puerto Rican. 0.58

00:48:39.000 Introduction.

00:48:40.000 But who built that really has to go in?

00:48:43.000 Let me hear.

00:48:44.000 Somebody else made that happen.

00:48:47.000 Barack Obama, 2012.

00:48:51.000 Is it a square book?

00:48:56.000 Is it square?

00:48:58.000 Please, Ryan, when you ask questions that are unimaginably retarded, I don't respond. 1.00

00:49:04.000 The graphic for the audiobook is square.

00:49:07.000 The book itself is shaped like every other motherfucking book in the world.

00:49:11.000 Where are you going?

00:49:14.000 Oh, I thought we were done.

00:49:15.000 No, I want to hear more of that.

00:49:19.000 He interrupted her to ask a retarded question. 0.97

00:49:21.000 If you've got a business, you didn't build that.

00:49:24.000 Somebody else made that happen.

00:49:26.000 Back to the beginning.

00:49:27.000 Barack Obama, 2012.

00:49:32.000 Many of you know me as that angry brown lady on cable TV who's always yelling at liberals. 1.00

00:49:38.000 The truth is, I am so much more than just the angry brown lady on cable TV.

00:49:44.000 My kids, for example, know me as the angry lady who's always yelling at them to do their non-common core homework, pick up their underwear, eat their vegetables, and enter the no-wine zone. 0.99

00:49:57.000 But I do have a softer side, really.

00:50:00.000 At home, I'm a geek mom who loves to watch the science channel's How It's Made and ABC's Shark Tank.

00:50:07.000 So she goes through various entrepreneurs like the guy who invented Mag Light, the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, and traces their history and shows the context that these entrepreneurs were in when they invented things.

00:50:16.000 She also gets into the history of glass and shows who invented glass.

00:50:19.000 It's a fucking amazing book and really easy to read.

00:50:22.000 Michelle is not highbrow. 0.97

00:50:25.000 I hope that doesn't come across as an insult.

00:50:27.000 But like Mark Stein and Buchanan, if you're tired at the end of the day, it's kind of hard to get through them.

00:50:32.000 Michelle is like reading, this is going to sound terrible, okay?

00:50:35.000 It's like reading People Magazine.

00:50:38.000 But it's just that sort of, she writes like she talks, as you heard from that intro.

00:50:44.000 So it's just a pleasant read to hear about all these incredible entrepreneurs.

00:50:47.000 And you come out of it with some real reverence for the entrepreneur.

00:50:51.000 I also recommend The Unnecessary War.

00:50:54.000 Now, this is dense.

00:50:55.000 So I couldn't read, like if I did this after doing a show and fucking screaming and yelling and putting together this Jimmy Kimmel diss I got coming up, I can't read that book.

00:51:05.000 I can read Michelle.

00:51:06.000 But if you don't have a lot to do that day and you've just had a nice big breakfast, this is a great book to sit and digest.

00:51:06.000 I can't read this.

00:51:12.000 It's really fucking meaty.

00:51:14.000 And as I've said before on the show, Buchanan's contention is that Hitler just wanted to go east towards Russia and we should have led him and ignored him. 0.62

00:51:22.000 And it would be Nazis against commies. 0.57

00:51:24.000 Comies would lose. 0.97

00:51:26.000 Nazis would die a slow death on its own.

00:51:28.000 And we didn't need, there wouldn't have been a Holocaust. 0.96

00:51:30.000 There wouldn't have been any of this shit.

00:51:32.000 And we wouldn't have lost all the people we lost in that war.

00:51:34.000 We had a scorpion and a poisonous snake facing each other and we jumped in the fray.

00:51:40.000 And it takes, he's read like 70 books to get there.

00:51:44.000 Also on the book list, obviously, we have a show coming up with this man on censored TV, Redneck Manifesto, Jim Goad.

00:51:52.000 Now, the others are my personal opinion.

00:51:54.000 If Redneck Manifesto doesn't make it to this list, I'll be pissed off.

00:51:57.000 And I'll nag Michelle and Milo and kind of be cunty About it because this has to be on that list.

00:52:03.000 It talks about white slavery.

00:52:05.000 It basically starts, and I think he may have strayed from this a little bit since he wrote this, but it basically says: we make American history about white versus black.

00:52:14.000 It's not, it's about upper class versus lower class.

00:52:17.000 And that's how he discusses, you know, the treatment of rednecks and white trash over the years. 0.99

00:52:24.000 How hillbillies, hicks, white trash became America's scapegoats. 1.00

00:52:31.000 Here's a doozy, especially if you're a parent.

00:52:31.000 Here's a one.

00:52:34.000 This fucking little kink is driving me mental. 1.00

00:52:37.000 Ching, it's pronounced.

00:52:38.000 No, that's a nip that's driving me mental.

00:52:41.000 The worm in the apple.

00:52:44.000 This is Peter Bremelo, who's become persona non grata since he wrote this and is known as a white supremacist.

00:52:51.000 He's suing the New York Times for this.

00:52:53.000 But it's how the teachers' unions are destroying American education. 0.76

00:52:57.000 And you really realize how insidious union culture is and how it can lead to brainwashing and Marxism and then ultimately pollute our child's brains.

00:53:08.000 But the book is more about the terror of these unions and how corrupt they are and how they usurp all the money and goodness we put into the education system and sort of divert it away from kids.

00:53:20.000 And it's exciting too.

00:53:21.000 He talks, he makes a lot of really strong analogies between the teachers' unions and the mob, including like flattening your tires and death threats and, you know, serious mob shit.

00:53:32.000 So that's a great movie if you have kids or are remotely interested in education.

00:53:35.000 And all you teachers should read that book before you start bitching about how horrible your life is.

00:53:39.000 And all you spouses.

00:53:40.000 I get a lot of guys who watch the show and they have teacher wives and they say their wife will see me watching, will see them watching me and get pissed off.

00:53:48.000 Have her read that book and then get back to me. 1.00

00:53:50.000 Now, here's a really interesting one.

00:53:52.000 Paved with Good Intentions came out in the early 90s and it was originally entitled, the working title was Black Failure, White Guilt.

00:54:01.000 Paved with Good Intentions, The Failure of Race Relations in Contemporary America.

00:54:04.000 Now, I could, if I was at Blaze TV, I could lose my job for promoting this book.

00:54:08.000 And Blaze TV is pretty open-minded.

00:54:10.000 They'd never mentioned it on Fox.

00:54:11.000 Jared Taylor could never be on Fox.

00:54:13.000 But Jared Taylor's never changed.

00:54:16.000 He's always had the same views.

00:54:17.000 He thinks that we shouldn't spend money promoting multiculturalism and integration if it's not happening naturally.

00:54:24.000 You don't need money to promote sex. 0.98

00:54:26.000 So why do we need so much money to promote this idea of multicultural pizza pie schools?

00:54:33.000 It's a very valid case.

00:54:34.000 And he also talks about black crime and the myth of anti-black racism.

00:54:39.000 But the funny thing about it is Jared Taylor shows you how much we've changed.

00:54:44.000 And I got to thank Milo for this.

00:54:46.000 Check out these reviews of what would now, a book, you could get fired if you worked at a fucking, I don't care, energy plant and you had this book on your desk.

00:54:55.000 It's that dangerous.

00:54:57.000 It's just a swastika today.

00:54:59.000 But here's how it was perceived in 1992.

00:55:01.000 And again, the book is written on paper that does not morph.

00:55:04.000 It's not like the reading list.

00:55:06.000 It's not organic.

00:55:07.000 So the book hasn't changed.

00:55:08.000 We've changed.

00:55:09.000 Here is Jared Taylor's book being reviewed by the Wall Street Journal in 93.

00:55:15.000 Mr. Taylor's book is easily the most comprehensive indictment of the race conscious policies of the three decades, past three decades.

00:55:22.000 Here's The Washington Times, a vitally important shattering book.

00:55:27.000 Here's National Review, the most important book to be published on the subject in many years.

00:55:31.000 National Review are the same ones that had Jared Taylor's comrade John Derbyshire fired for a much less controversial statement.

00:55:45.000 This book deserves to become a sensation, seriously considered by Americans with influence, blacks and whites alike, human events.

00:55:52.000 I don't know what human events is.

00:55:54.000 The final book I'm going to recommend before we get to my little be a man green screen is Beer in America.

00:56:02.000 Now, unlike Malkin, this book is simple but shitty.

00:56:06.000 It's not the best written book, but the reason I'm recommending this book is you could skip to the chapter where they talk about the Brits and how they encouraged newspapers all along the East Coast to have dissent, have a left-wing view, a right-wing view, debate.

00:56:21.000 They wanted to foment debate.

00:56:23.000 And they also wanted everyone to have a gun, militias.

00:56:28.000 Not because they wanted an American Revolution, but because they wanted to not have to pay for an army and make sure everyone was policed.

00:56:35.000 They thought, oh, we'll just let them police themselves and they can stay informed and smart by debating each other.

00:56:41.000 So they introduced the First Amendment and the Second Amendment to Americans way before there was an America.

00:56:46.000 And I think they accidentally facilitated the American Revolution.

00:56:51.000 So beer, because they did it at taverns, by the way, beer is America.

00:56:58.000 Beer is not in America.

00:56:59.000 It is America.

00:57:01.000 All right.

00:57:02.000 Without further to do, if you will, I want to talk about this Donald Trump tweet where he acknowledged Greg Guttfeld and Jimmy Kimmel in the same tweet, because it's a great example of how being a man can fall through your fingers if you get a trophy wife.

00:57:19.000 Don't get stuck in the past.

00:57:21.000 Say your favorite things at mass.

00:57:24.000 Tell your mother that you love her.

00:57:27.000 Hi, welcome to the 100th episode of When Men Become Fags.

00:57:30.000 On today's episode, we're going to focus on my old pal, Jimmy Kimmel.

00:57:35.000 Let's check in on him.

00:57:38.000 Trump was up very late last night watching TV and rage tweeting at 1246 a.m.

00:57:43.000 And his mood apparently continued into the afternoon because today.

00:57:47.000 When.

00:57:47.000 No, it's...

00:57:51.000 That's what Maggie Thatcher got.

00:57:53.000 Why are people making fun of him for being up late at night?

00:57:56.000 That's what I want from a world leader.

00:57:58.000 And by the way, the true Kimmel in his soul, which you can see here, is a Trump supporter.

00:58:05.000 It's like Joe Rogan.

00:58:06.000 You can tell.

00:58:07.000 Even Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, I saw the actor saying, Ron wouldn't support Trump.

00:58:12.000 Well, no, a pussy wouldn't support Trump. 1.00

00:58:15.000 Someone who had a reason why they're not allowed to support Trump wouldn't support Trump.

00:58:19.000 But I'm particularly pissed at guys like this hating Trump because I know it's not who they are.

00:58:25.000 Today he wrote, wow, congratulations to Greg Guttfeld, a one-time Trump hater who has come all the way home.

00:58:33.000 His ratings easily beat no talented Stephen Colbert.

00:58:37.000 I might have to call Greg Guttfeld and apologize.

00:58:39.000 Is it possible that he could have ratings that high if I was a regular on his show?

00:58:44.000 I don't think so.

00:58:45.000 And that's why I X'd him for not getting me a regular gig on his show.

00:58:49.000 I may have to apologize to that guy.

00:58:51.000 But I noticed that people were complaining about this saying, Jimmy Fallon, all these people, they don't have a show on Saturday nights.

00:58:59.000 So you're comparing apples and oranges.

00:59:01.000 No, you're not.

00:59:02.000 He's saying the average viewers for Gottfeld were like 2.8 million.

00:59:07.000 The average viewers for the next one down were 2.7 million.

00:59:12.000 And the average viewers for Jimmy are about 2 million.

00:59:14.000 It doesn't matter what night of the week they're on.

00:59:16.000 That's like, they didn't say Greg Gottfeld has 2.8 million viewers on Saturday nights and Colbert has zero.

00:59:25.000 No one's making that idiotic comparison.

00:59:27.000 They're talking about average viewers and Guttfeld creamed them all.

00:59:32.000 Nice guy, Jimmy Fallon, and wacko last placer, Jimmy Kimmel.

00:59:37.000 Wacko last. 1.00

00:59:39.000 I hope he wasn't talking about me.

00:59:41.000 I think maybe this was another typo situation.

00:59:44.000 I think what he meant to tweet was, I am completely devastated by the loss of life caused by this insidious virus.

00:59:52.000 My thoughts are with the families of those who've passed.

00:59:55.000 I pledge to spend every waking moment talking to make sure that.

00:59:58.000 This is what a lot of things, a lot of people on the left say.

01:00:01.000 They say he's not presidential.

01:00:03.000 He should be more civilized.

01:00:05.000 Dude, do you remember Hillary's?

01:00:06.000 We are not civil?

01:00:08.000 You turned this into the thunderdome.

01:00:11.000 You said the gloves are off.

01:00:12.000 That's why we're bare knuckle boxing. 0.99

01:00:14.000 We gave Mitt Romney a chance.

01:00:16.000 We gave Ted Cruz a chance.

01:00:18.000 We tried to have civilized, erudite, smart presidents who don't fuck around and don't play dirty pool.

01:00:25.000 You fucking stabbed them.

01:00:27.000 So we sent it a pit bull.

01:00:29.000 And now you're bitching? 1.00

01:00:31.000 Make sure our medical workers have the support they need and every American has access to tests.

01:00:37.000 P.S. Congrats to Greg Gutfeld.

01:00:40.000 That's better, right?

01:00:41.000 He does seem to be familiar with the budget.

01:00:43.000 He doesn't allow us to do that.

01:00:45.000 I've heard that if you snort enough Adderall, you can watch four of them at once.

01:00:49.000 So I guess there's some rumor that, is that the end of it?

01:00:49.000 Pause.

01:00:53.000 I guess there's some rumor that Donald Trump snorts Adderall.

01:00:56.000 Yeah, I hope he does.

01:00:57.000 He's an old man. 0.95

01:00:58.000 He should do speed.

01:00:59.000 Just like our greatest president ever, JFK.

01:01:03.000 That guy was on amphetamines constantly.

01:01:07.000 He said to them, I don't care if it's horse piss. 0.93

01:01:09.000 I want you to inject it into my ass. 1.00

01:01:12.000 Look at fucking Motorhead.

01:01:14.000 Lemmy was on speed.

01:01:15.000 Look how good Motorhead was.

01:01:16.000 Look how good this presentation is.

01:01:18.000 I'm on Adderall.

01:01:20.000 All right, so I want to analyze what happened to Jimmy Kimmel and how he became such a fag. 1.00

01:01:26.000 This is Jimmy Kimmel before all this.

01:01:30.000 Carl Malone.

01:01:31.000 Here he is in Blackface being hilarious. 0.97

01:01:34.000 I'm not remotely offended by Blackface, especially in this context where it's laughing with Carl Malone at what a weirdo he is in his weird fucking Jambalaya Nolins accent. 0.90

01:01:48.000 Sometime at night, Carl Malone look up in sky and say, what the hell going on up there?

01:01:54.000 Do UFO live on other planet, phoning home like E.T.? 0.96

01:01:58.000 Carl Malone read on TV.

01:02:00.000 Carmelone talks.

01:02:01.000 That's a funny joke.

01:02:03.000 And Jimmy Kimmel is a mean guy.

01:02:06.000 And that's why he's so funny, because he's mean-spirited.

01:02:10.000 He's the man behind the Perry Project.

01:02:12.000 The Perry Project, go look up Wendy City Heat on YouTube.

01:02:15.000 But the Perry Project is a 25, 30 year, I used to say it was a 25 year prank about 20 years ago.

01:02:22.000 I think it's like a half a century old prank on this fucking poor Galuk who threatened Don Barris in 1994, and they've been fucking with him ever since. 1.00

01:02:35.000 This is around the time when Perry would perform his now infamous spaghetti.

01:02:39.000 This is his commentary on the movie.

01:02:41.000 I'd like to see this classic spaghetti bed.

01:02:47.000 Just picture me and my wife, my ex-wife, because my ex-wife used to do stupid shit like this all the time. 1.00

01:02:54.000 And it's almost like being married or having an ex-wife that couldn't cook.

01:03:01.000 She went.

01:03:02.000 It's a quarter century, sorry.

01:03:03.000 Anyway, that's the point.

01:03:05.000 But if you scroll forward, you see them tormenting Perry for years and years and years.

01:03:10.000 Kimmel got sued for this, actually, and refused to settle because he never settles because he was a total badass.

01:03:16.000 But you just watch this movie, and it is pure mean-spirited maliciousness.

01:03:22.000 But here's what happened.

01:03:23.000 And here's what happens to guys like Kimmel.

01:03:26.000 His wife got fat.

01:03:28.000 Gina Kimmel.

01:03:29.000 You can see her now.

01:03:30.000 She's normal fatness, right? 0.99

01:03:32.000 He married young, stood by her, had some kids.

01:03:35.000 They're all grown now.

01:03:36.000 But she got fat and she got ugly. 1.00

01:03:39.000 And he's making, what, $15 million a year?

01:03:41.000 So you got to trade up, apparently.

01:03:44.000 And he got his second wife, the head comedy writer on his show, like David Letterman.

01:03:48.000 He likes to fuck the staff.

01:03:49.000 Molly McNearme.

01:03:52.000 I hate when women don't take the last name. 1.00

01:03:54.000 Doesn't that say a lot?

01:03:55.000 Isn't that like, I'm not really getting committed with this.

01:03:59.000 This bitch is a fucking nightmare. 1.00

01:04:02.000 Look at her.

01:04:04.000 She's constantly like, we see you, Sean Hannity, you dangerous jerk off.

01:04:09.000 Or what's this one here?

01:04:12.000 The next one.

01:04:13.000 If you're spending money on a cameo message from someone on Tiger King, I assume you've already fed the 18,000 homeless LA USD students who can't get a meal at school right now.

01:04:24.000 You can't get a meal, really, in fucking LA and you're a student.

01:04:28.000 You're not homeless.

01:04:29.000 You can't get a PB ⁇ J sandwich.

01:04:31.000 Just remarkable naivete.

01:04:33.000 So Jimmy jumps on board with her with the never-ending Trump bashing.

01:04:39.000 Here is Jimmy after Trump killed the top terrorist in the world.

01:04:46.000 Killed Bin Laden.

01:04:47.000 He spoke for nine and a half minutes.

01:04:49.000 Trump yesterday did 48 minutes.

01:04:52.000 How about this?

01:04:53.000 You kill the top terrorist in the world, and the take is, yeah, but a lot of people were a lot more Modest when they killed the top terrorist in the world, so you should be a lot cooler about it.

01:05:04.000 Okay, thanks for the tip.

01:05:05.000 While I'm out killing top terrorists in the world, I'll try to be cooler about it next time.

01:05:11.000 And for further criticizing Islam, I thought it might be fun to match up Trump's speech about al-Baghdadi with Obama's about bin Laden, and we were right, it was. 1.00

01:05:21.000 The United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden.

01:05:26.000 Abu Bakar al-Baghdadi is dead.

01:05:31.000 The United States launched a targeted operation against that compound.

01:05:35.000 They did a lot of shooting, and they did a lot of blasting.

01:05:40.000 This is really a great example of where we split with the Trump haters.

01:05:43.000 Like, I'm supposed to laugh at how bad Trump looks.

01:05:46.000 I'm seeing this stoic piece of shit, Obama, pissed off, basically, that Islam is looking bad because his whole, he changed NASA into a PR firm to promote Islam. 0.83

01:05:57.000 So he's not feeling very good about this.

01:06:00.000 So he's sitting there, morose, boring.

01:06:02.000 And then we have the funnest president we've ever had going, ladders shooting, ladder shooting.

01:06:07.000 You said to us, we're not going to be civil.

01:06:10.000 Bring us a monster.

01:06:11.000 We brought you a fucking monster.

01:06:13.000 And now you're like, he's awesome.

01:06:17.000 You know, you think you go through the door.

01:06:17.000 Door.

01:06:19.000 If you're a normal person, you say, knock, knock, may I come in.

01:06:24.000 After a firefight?

01:06:26.000 He's making murdering the top terrorists in the world fun.

01:06:29.000 This is not fun.

01:06:31.000 Killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.

01:06:35.000 He died like a dog.

01:06:35.000 Read your screen.

01:06:37.000 But his death does not mark the end of our effort.

01:06:40.000 Should we be more reverent, by the way, to terrorists when we kill them?

01:06:43.000 Should we not piss on their corpses?

01:06:45.000 Anyway, I don't know if I included this, but do you have Jimmy talking about Kobe Bryant, who I don't think Jimmy knew.

01:06:53.000 He's always been a sports fan.

01:06:54.000 His background was sports radio.

01:06:56.000 But did you...

01:07:00.000 I don't remember him on your show much.

01:07:02.000 I can only imagine how painful this is for them.

01:07:10.000 I don't think any of us could have imagined this.

01:07:16.000 Everywhere you go.

01:07:18.000 Just to be clear, you can cry in public if it's about a dead kid, a kid in peril, a war vet, Louis Zampurini in World War II, some 110-year-old getting a medal at some sort of war memorial.

01:07:34.000 That's all fine.

01:07:36.000 Basketball player you didn't know?

01:07:38.000 No.

01:07:41.000 You see his face?

01:07:43.000 His number.

01:07:45.000 His number?

01:07:47.000 Gigi's face.

01:07:48.000 Gigi's a number.

01:07:50.000 Everywhere at every game.

01:07:53.000 Well, another guy we used to look up to who went through this exact same transformation, verbatim.

01:08:01.000 In fact, Stern is more interesting.

01:08:04.000 I just gave it away.

01:08:04.000 That's Howard Stern.

01:08:05.000 Spoiler alert.

01:08:06.000 Stern is more interesting because he actually used to like Trump.

01:08:11.000 But now that he's president, fuck him.

01:08:14.000 So I want to show you Howard Stern before, the real Howard Stern, the Trump supporting Howard Stern.

01:08:19.000 Joe Rogan, Ron Swanson, Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern, their soul supports Trump.

01:08:24.000 But they can't do that because they're too scared to get in trouble.

01:08:29.000 130 years ago, niggas were slaves. 1.00

01:08:32.000 200 years ago, they were swanging from trees and living in caves.

01:08:36.000 When the Bible was written and Jesus were here, they were the beast of the field. 1.00

01:08:39.000 The Bible says they wore clothing.

01:08:42.000 So just positive crowds.

01:08:43.000 That's Donald Clark, I believe, who was the head of the KKK at the time.

01:08:46.000 This is probably when the SPLC destroyed them by giving some woman a warehouse. 0.87

01:08:52.000 But he would regularly have this guy on because he saw the innate humor and the controversy in it.

01:08:58.000 Yes, it's fucking harsh to see this guy call this woman a mud baby.

01:09:04.000 But if you have a head on your shoulders and you know how absurd it is, then you fucking laugh.

01:09:10.000 Beast with hands.

01:09:12.000 That's what he's talking about.

01:09:13.000 You probably can't handle it.

01:09:14.000 You don't feel like a beast, do you?

01:09:15.000 Hell no.

01:09:16.000 No, you don't feel like that.

01:09:17.000 Do you believe any of these?

01:09:22.000 Yeah, I tell you, she seems like a very lovely woman. 0.55

01:09:26.000 Can you answer that?

01:09:28.000 Yeah.

01:09:29.000 You've got walls.

01:09:30.000 Can you show the other claire?

01:09:31.000 I don't know if this is from the same show.

01:09:33.000 God, you could never show this today.

01:09:35.000 How did we get less funny and less interesting?

01:09:38.000 Is that a first in the history of civilization where we become more closed-minded and more uptight over time?

01:09:46.000 It's time for a guess who's the Jew. 0.86

01:09:49.000 The game where contestants guess who's Jews.

01:09:52.000 A lot of these fucking incel alt-right jokes that everyone's freaking out about that they see on 4chan message boards is just this kind of joke.

01:10:00.000 It's just this level of controversial humor, but they think it's some sort of manifesto for World War IV.

01:10:06.000 And now the host of guesses the Jew have Jew himself, Howard Stern. 0.66

01:10:13.000 Okay, hi, hi.

01:10:19.000 Thank you, Robin.

01:10:20.000 Howard, Kurt Waltheim, I'm not familiar with him, but I bet he's a bona fide, like actual Nazi member of the American Nazi Party. 0.81

01:10:28.000 That's Howard, yes?

01:10:29.000 You have sort of a 60s thing going there?

01:10:32.000 Well, thank you, Robin.

01:10:33.000 Thanks for taking a look at my outfit tonight, and I love to play Guess Who's the Jew.

01:10:36.000 I want to welcome everyone.

01:10:38.000 Tonight, we're going to find out if our contestants know a Jew when they see one. 1.00

01:10:42.000 Now, Kurt Voldheim Jr., you're a well-known Nazi.

01:10:46.000 Do you actually know any Jews?

01:10:47.000 Yes, many.

01:10:49.000 Now, really, you know Jews. 0.86

01:10:51.000 What do these Jews say to you? 1.00

01:10:53.000 Well, they said, no!

01:10:56.000 Please!

01:10:56.000 Stop!

01:10:57.000 Don't! 0.57

01:10:58.000 That's the wittiest thing in the world.

01:11:00.000 But just as with Kimmel, Howard Stern's wife got fat, and he was forced to dump her and upgrade.

01:11:09.000 By the way, isn't it funny how these liberal, feminist, awesome guys don't get any shit for unloading their extra baggage and upgrading to a, just like they said in Husbands and Wives, they love you till you show your age. 1.00

01:11:22.000 Then they want to trade you in for a younger model. 1.00

01:11:25.000 How come they don't get any shit for that?

01:11:27.000 Hey, feminists, how come you're not mad at guys who take the Best years of someone's life and then dump them at 32 so they can never remarry and then marry a 20-year-old. 1.00

01:11:36.000 Why is there zero stigma for that?

01:11:38.000 Why is there zero stigma for Leonardo da Vinci constantly just going up to 26 and then back down to 20, up to 26 and then back down to 20?

01:11:45.000 Or what about these guys who come out of the closet when they have three kids and dump this woman and have ruined her life, wasted her life?

01:11:54.000 She was fucking a fag for 20 years. 1.00

01:11:56.000 Aren't you pissed off at him?

01:11:58.000 She's been raped. 1.00

01:11:59.000 Hasn't Chris Jenner been raped?

01:12:02.000 Bruce said he was a woman the whole time.

01:12:04.000 So she was fucked by a woman. 1.00

01:12:06.000 Hasn't she been raped? 1.00

01:12:07.000 Why don't feminists give a shit about this? 1.00

01:12:10.000 Because they're pussies. 1.00

01:12:12.000 Anyway, after trading her in, he got this woman, Beth.

01:12:17.000 She sort of took his name.

01:12:18.000 Beth Ostrosky Stern.

01:12:23.000 And if you scroll down, you'll see that she's a fucking smokeshow. 1.00

01:12:26.000 Oh, wait, there's the old wife. 1.00

01:12:29.000 Yep, old kids.

01:12:30.000 I guess this is the wrong link.

01:12:32.000 I guess this is just more pictures.

01:12:33.000 That was more pictures of the first wife.

01:12:35.000 So there she is.

01:12:36.000 She's really hot. 0.91

01:12:38.000 And Stern, obviously, with grown kids, unlike Kimmel, was brave enough to say, I don't want any more fucking kids.

01:12:44.000 I'm too old.

01:12:46.000 This is the face a woman makes when she's fertile and her new 100 millionaire husband says he doesn't want any kids.

01:12:55.000 Good.

01:12:58.000 I don't want any kids at all either at all.

01:13:03.000 So, and I don't have this burgeoning maternal instinct that is ripping out my tits right now. 1.00

01:13:09.000 My ovaries aren't aching every time I see a child.

01:13:12.000 So I'm just going to relax with 7 million stray puppies.

01:13:18.000 This is how women really feel when they're told that their spouse, their new spouse, doesn't want any kids. 0.95

01:13:27.000 Hello, Ryan.

01:13:29.000 There we go.

01:13:30.000 I told Ed so many times I want baby.

01:13:35.000 Why you not tell me the truth?

01:13:36.000 You not want a baby? 1.00

01:13:38.000 Get a baby on eBay.

01:13:39.000 Why?

01:13:40.000 What do you mean?

01:13:42.000 Why do you not tell me first before you come here?

01:13:44.000 And Howard Stern, if they were honest and there was not $100 million floating in between them.

01:13:49.000 $100, $500.

01:13:51.000 Why?

01:13:52.000 Why?

01:13:52.000 What's wrong?

01:13:53.000 Because I'm 54 years old.

01:13:55.000 I don't want to.

01:13:55.000 Work at Northside Animal Rescue?

01:13:58.000 Why are you not telling me first on chatting?

01:14:04.000 So Beth becomes a cat mom.

01:14:09.000 And that's great because it kills two birds with one stone.

01:14:11.000 It gives her substance, and it also kills the maternal instinct, or at least numbs it.

01:14:18.000 It's sort of like what's that orange shit that junkies drink so they don't have to do heroin?

01:14:25.000 It's like that stuff, that fake heroin.

01:14:27.000 Oh, shit, that's...

01:14:32.000 Shit.

01:14:33.000 It's orange.

01:14:36.000 That Lemmy Show guy, the character, loves it.

01:14:40.000 Pedialite?

01:14:42.000 Pediolite, Ryan?

01:14:43.000 You think they give junkies pediolite?

01:14:46.000 Don't fucking comment if you have no idea what you're talking about.

01:14:50.000 Pedialite?

01:14:52.000 Hi, I'm addicted to heroin.

01:14:53.000 I'm worried the withdrawals are going to kill me.

01:14:54.000 Here, have something that will help hydrate you and prevent diarrhea.

01:15:00.000 Wow.

01:15:03.000 So Stern follows suit with this.

01:15:06.000 And he says, working with animals helps his marriage.

01:15:10.000 And Beth takes my breath away.

01:15:12.000 Get it?

01:15:13.000 I don't give a fucking shit about these animals.

01:15:15.000 I'm just happy she keeps nagging me.

01:15:17.000 I'm madly in love with this young lady.

01:15:19.000 So yeah, I'm a cat dad.

01:15:23.000 And so now Trump, just like Kimmel is obsessed with shitting on Trump, Stern is obsessed with shitting on free speech and Trump.

01:15:32.000 So he, this was like I've always tolerated Stern and his stupid liberal rich guy shit.

01:15:38.000 But when Alex Jones was in trouble, Trump couldn't wait to flip on him.

01:15:44.000 Have you got that?

01:15:45.000 Yeah.

01:15:46.000 Alex Jones says he agrees with Sandy Hook family, wants NBC interview polled.

01:15:51.000 And I was in the car listening to Stern, and Stern said, yeah, Robin.

01:15:56.000 He said, free speech has ramifications.

01:15:58.000 Free speech doesn't mean...

01:16:04.000 That's what he actually said.

01:16:06.000 And he assumed, without ever listening to Alex Jones, that Alex Jones was pushing hard, this Sandy Hook thing, never apologized for it.

01:16:14.000 This was seven years ago, by the way.

01:16:16.000 And Stern's comments came from like six months ago when Alex Jones was banned.

01:16:20.000 When was this?

01:16:21.000 That was 17.

01:16:22.000 So that was three years ago.

01:16:24.000 He was pushing for Alex Jones to be banned from something that had happened seven years prior to that.

01:16:30.000 And you realize, dude, you've had the FCC ban.

01:16:34.000 You've spent probably, I don't know, $2 million in fines.

01:16:37.000 And the second it happens to someone else, you can't wait to throw them under the bus because you've turned into a fucking fag. 1.00

01:16:44.000 Here he is commenting about Trump supporters.

01:16:47.000 Howard Stern.

01:16:48.000 Oh, yeah, remember that?

01:16:49.000 This was just the other day.

01:16:50.000 Howard Stern stands by and comments suggesting Trump supporters take disinfectants.

01:16:53.000 He wants half the country to die.

01:16:55.000 They should all fucking die.

01:16:57.000 You know why?

01:16:58.000 Because Beth thinks so.

01:17:00.000 He can't even watch Tiger King because it makes Beth sad to know that tigers are in captivity.

01:17:05.000 All right.

01:17:06.000 So you might want to know why this happens.

01:17:09.000 What is going on here?

01:17:10.000 It's actually quite sociologically complicated.

01:17:15.000 Here's what happens.

01:17:16.000 All right.

01:17:17.000 These men, these cool guys, they make money being one of our boys, right?

01:17:22.000 Like Opie and Anthony, one of the guys.

01:17:24.000 Then the shit hits the fan.

01:17:25.000 Kumia remains one of our guys.

01:17:26.000 Opie becomes a little pussy and scampers away. 1.00

01:17:30.000 In the case of Jimmy Kimmel and Woody Allen, I guess.

01:17:34.000 No, that's a whole other subject.

01:17:35.000 Jimmy Kimmel and Howard Stern, they generate all this guy currency by being one of the dudes and being funny and being outrageous and being politically incorrect and telling everyone to fuck off and being a dick to people.

01:17:48.000 And we love that.

01:17:49.000 And we go, you're fucking funny, dude.

01:17:50.000 You're one of us.

01:17:53.000 They start making money.

01:17:54.000 Then they get accepted into the mainstream.

01:17:56.000 This is around when I left Vice.

01:17:57.000 But Stern gets up to $90 million a year at Sirius and Kimmel gets up to last.

01:18:02.000 I checked, it was like $15 million on mainstream television.

01:18:06.000 Once they get up there, they think, I'm special.

01:18:09.000 What am I doing with this old hag I met in fucking high school? 1.00

01:18:12.000 She's fat. 1.00

01:18:13.000 She's ugly. 1.00

01:18:13.000 Get her out of here. 1.00

01:18:14.000 So they indulge themselves and they dump her.

01:18:17.000 And no one gives a shit about that.

01:18:19.000 They just go, well, you know, all marriages don't end.

01:18:22.000 I mean, no, marriages don't last forever.

01:18:24.000 And then you think, okay, well, then he'll marry someone similar to his age that will look normal.

01:18:29.000 And they don't.

01:18:30.000 They trade them in for a trophy wife. 1.00

01:18:33.000 So they feel bad about that.

01:18:35.000 All right, that's the main guy settled for a second.

01:18:37.000 Now we go over to the trophy wife. 1.00

01:18:39.000 She's obviously well aware that she's seen as a trophy wife. 1.00

01:18:43.000 She's seen as an accoutrement. 0.90

01:18:45.000 She's just a midlife crisis personified. 0.95

01:18:48.000 She's a Lamborghini. 1.00

01:18:49.000 She's a sports car.

01:18:50.000 She's a toupee. 1.00

01:18:51.000 She's a jiu-jitsu class.

01:18:54.000 So how does she justify this?

01:18:56.000 She needs to give herself substance. 0.69

01:18:58.000 So they become activists.

01:19:00.000 In Kimmel's girl's case, she says, I'm actually really political.

01:19:04.000 And I tell Hannity to fuck off all the time like a total badass.

01:19:09.000 And I say that Trump is a piece of shit.

01:19:12.000 And then Beth is not intelligent enough to even be that lame. 1.00

01:19:15.000 So she goes, I'm really into puppies and kittens.

01:19:18.000 And I want to save them all.

01:19:19.000 And I don't like that tigers got shot in the head.

01:19:22.000 Really advanced stuff, Beth.

01:19:24.000 And so the new guy wants to appease the new gal. 0.99

01:19:28.000 And she also acts like that because all of the cool dinner parties in Hollywood and New York are these trophy wives. 1.00

01:19:35.000 And they all have this same fucking high school politics.

01:19:38.000 So these women all have one Stepford-wise liberal mentality where they're trying to give themselves substance because they know they're trophy-wise. 1.00

01:19:46.000 And the guys with the dicks who say, Beth makes my life, they want to appease them.

01:19:51.000 So they acquiesce.

01:19:53.000 And they say, okay, here, let me take off my balls, put them in your purse.

01:19:58.000 You tell me what to do.

01:20:00.000 And so you have someone that you used to look up to who has become, well, I'll let Tony explain it.

01:20:09.000 He's a fag. 1.00

01:20:11.000 Life ain't always empty.

01:20:14.000 Life ain't always empty.

01:20:21.000 It was methadone.

01:20:23.000 Can you pull up that Jacqueline McCaffrey clip?

01:20:27.000 Methadone.

01:20:30.000 You sent it as a separate link?

01:20:31.000 Yep.

01:20:31.000 Yeah.

01:20:32.000 That's what I was trying to remember.

01:20:33.000 I couldn't remember methadone.

01:20:34.000 McCafferty.

01:20:35.000 I lost three years of my life on heroin and another five years on a methadone program.

01:20:41.000 Zoom out?

01:20:42.000 So when I found out that Marty Pell was going to be signing copies his new solo album, I was on a heartbeat.

01:20:50.000 Marty!

01:20:51.000 Party!

01:20:53.000 That's based on a real guy who really was an addict, Macedone. 0.97

01:20:56.000 I was addicted to heroin for four years, and then eight years for the methadone as many things as I. Can you put a post-it note on your computer that says zoom out?

01:21:06.000 The default.

01:21:06.000 I don't think you understand.

01:21:07.000 I told you this before.

01:21:08.000 Look.

01:21:08.000 Yeah.

01:21:09.000 This is the default.

01:21:10.000 So the default is too close.

01:21:12.000 So then the second you show it on the screen, you start zooming out.

01:21:16.000 That's why you need a post-it note.

01:21:19.000 So people can see these.

01:21:22.000 Okay.

01:21:24.000 Okay.

01:21:24.000 So let's get a post-it note.

01:21:28.000 Wait, you're writing down a note to remind you to put something on a post-it note.

01:21:33.000 I don't have a post-it note.

01:21:40.000 I don't need it.

01:21:41.000 I'll get one.

01:21:43.000 So yeah.

01:21:44.000 Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel, Tucker Carlson, Anthony Cumia, Ezra Levant, they built this show.

01:21:53.000 So when they act like pussies, not that everyone in that list acts like pussies, but when anyone in that list acts like a pussy, it hurts me. 0.94

01:22:01.000 Because I think you're kind of why I'm here.

01:22:03.000 And now you're a fag. 1.00

01:22:07.000 All right, we're running out of time here, folks.

01:22:08.000 We're getting pretty late.

01:22:10.000 A lot of long shows this week.

01:22:11.000 I'm doing that because you're stuck at home.

01:22:14.000 When we get going again, I'm not going to be so fucking generous with my time.

01:22:18.000 Let's check out the MB.

01:22:21.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dance.

01:22:26.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

01:22:31.000 Let me touch it.

01:22:36.000 You think flying into the World Trade Center Escape New York is eerie?

01:22:40.000 Check.

01:22:40.000 Oh, no, sorry.

01:22:43.000 I'm so used to confrontation that I assume everyone is attacking me.

01:22:48.000 Let me rephrase that.

01:22:50.000 You think flying into the World Trade Center Escape from New York is eerie?

01:22:53.000 Check out the Lone Gunman X-Files spin-off show.

01:22:57.000 Pilot episode.

01:22:58.000 A conspiracy-minded bloke is forced to take control of a remote-controlled 747 to prevent it from crashing into the World Trade Center.

01:23:07.000 It makes escape from New York look like a minor coincidence in comparison.

01:23:11.000 And since I like you more than a friend, I'd consider fucking you with my heels on.

01:23:14.000 Can you guys send links when you send stuff like that?

01:23:18.000 Now we've got to fish through this.

01:23:21.000 According to the police Still going and Still going.

01:23:33.000 Thanks for the homework assignment, shitlips.

01:23:35.000 Get ready to go.

01:23:43.000 all right What year was this?

01:23:51.000 I mean, it's obviously not 2012.

01:23:52.000 My dad is such a literal boomer.

01:23:55.000 He thinks that the date on the YouTube thing is when it was when it happened.

01:23:59.000 So he sent me this link about Tucker Carlson was being harassed by this guy who said he was just following millionaires.

01:24:06.000 He was some Danish guy who was against environmentalism.

01:24:09.000 I go, yeah, I remember that dad from 10 years ago.

01:24:11.000 He looks different, too.

01:24:13.000 He looks much younger.

01:24:15.000 The targeted flight.

01:24:16.000 This flight was chosen primarily for its visibility.

01:24:19.000 It's scheduled to pass over Manhattan on its way to Boston.

01:24:23.000 Can you just show it crashing the World Trade Center, please?

01:24:34.000 Mike, who sent this in?

01:24:35.000 You're a dick.

01:24:36.000 Oh, sorry, Wayne.

01:24:38.000 Wayne, you're a dick.

01:24:39.000 Thanks for wasting my time.

01:24:42.000 This is from Hannah.

01:24:44.000 When the Proud Boys went to jail, were they made to declare a gang affiliation when entering the prison system?

01:24:50.000 If not, it shows how flawed the logic used to persecute them was.

01:24:54.000 Also, are you still going to do that segment when you read through the diaries you stole?

01:24:57.000 Like you more than a friend, Hannah.

01:24:58.000 Thank you, Hannah.

01:25:00.000 No, they weren't.

01:25:01.000 But even after, so they said, we're not in a gang, they kept saying that, even in prison.

01:25:05.000 And they were brought to their sort of like the equivalent of a probation officer in prison.

01:25:10.000 And Max's, the one Max was assigned to, said, you're a white supremacist.

01:25:14.000 You're a Nazi.

01:25:15.000 And I think he said, fuck you.

01:25:16.000 And that's maybe why he was immediately sent to Maximum.

01:25:20.000 But then the one John was assigned to had more of a, this is fucking crazy, dude.

01:25:24.000 I'm sorry.

01:25:25.000 This is bullshit.

01:25:25.000 And he's like, yeah, well, that's today's America.

01:25:30.000 So there's no rhyme or reason to any of this.

01:25:33.000 But you're right.

01:25:34.000 If it's gang violence, but again, with gang violence, if four people get together and do something as a group, that can be a gang charge.

01:25:42.000 You're not necessarily in a gang.

01:25:44.000 And as far as the diaries go, I have a confession to make.

01:25:48.000 I have torn my house apart.

01:25:50.000 I've torn this bookshelf apart trying to find those diaries.

01:25:55.000 I cannot fucking find them.

01:25:57.000 Now, I knew I would lose them one day, so I actually made a fanzine of one of them, and I can't find it.

01:26:04.000 So believe me, I'm still searching hard to find those diaries because I used to collect them, steal them regularly, but I can't fucking find them.

01:26:12.000 Mikey! 0.65

01:26:16.000 Tim.

01:26:17.000 Hey, Gab, I know you mentioned a few years back that Black Thorn is one of your favorite albums.

01:26:20.000 I couldn't agree more.

01:26:21.000 I did?

01:26:23.000 What's Black Thorn?

01:26:24.000 Buy Flatfoots at 56?

01:26:26.000 Oh.

01:26:26.000 No, not necessarily true.

01:26:30.000 If you like that sound, check out their friends, a band called The Killigans, Celtic folk punk from Nebraska.

01:26:35.000 I'm sure you'll dig it.

01:26:36.000 I was totally full of the rise of cheer as we fall for.

01:26:43.000 Great sound.

01:26:45.000 Yo, Gavin, after watching you comment on the conference at the high school about the school play, I wanted to share my experience that happened two weeks ago.

01:26:54.000 By the way, Ryan, also put this in your notes.

01:26:56.000 We've got to download that video because I've come back to it many times now.

01:27:01.000 I'm scared they're going to take it down.

01:27:03.000 And it really summarizes the trouble with America.

01:27:06.000 That a whole town would come down on a little girl based on a bullshit belief that a character was black. 1.00

01:27:14.000 I watched the new Spider-Man and no, I don't give a shit about Marvel movies.

01:27:18.000 I decided to go through with what is with my voice.

01:27:20.000 I noticed in this part of the show, I started tripping on my words, and I sound like Rams Paul does this sometimes where he kind of blends words together.

01:27:33.000 Enunciate.

01:27:36.000 I watched the new Spider-Man and no, I don't give a shit about Marvel movies.

01:27:40.000 I decided to go through with watching For My Girlfriend.

01:27:43.000 This is how he writes this guy.

01:27:45.000 My faggy friends who are into Spider-Man movies asked me what I thought, and I said it was all right, but I don't get why Mary Jane is black now. 1.00

01:27:52.000 I defended my criticism by saying I remember her being a ginger and just don't see why they had to make her black. 0.98

01:27:57.000 I was called racist and tried explaining it's not racist and I feel the same way if a character who was black was then made into a white person.

01:28:04.000 Anyway, now I'm a racist, so I suppose even though I disagree, thought I'd share.

01:28:10.000 God, dude, your grammar is so fucking brutal and there's no commas.

01:28:10.000 Thanks.

01:28:14.000 You can't even uppercase an I. What are you writing in?

01:28:18.000 What is going on with our education system?

01:28:21.000 Here's one from Patrick.

01:28:23.000 He wants to recommend Supreme released a collaboration with My Bloody Valentine a couple weeks ago.

01:28:28.000 Wanted to get your take on the band and the whole shoegaze genre in general.

01:28:33.000 Was never my cup of tea.

01:28:35.000 So it's what a graphics.

01:28:37.000 Again, we have to do the homework.

01:28:39.000 Supreme, My Bloody Valentine.

01:28:44.000 My Bloody Valentine.

01:28:46.000 Why are you saying it like that?

01:28:49.000 I made it like a song.

01:28:51.000 But why would you do that?

01:28:52.000 Why are you mumbling on a show and making an Irish accent?

01:28:58.000 Thought it deserved a little theme.

01:29:00.000 Well, why wouldn't you do something that was pertinent to My Bloody Valentine, the band?

01:29:05.000 My Bloody Valentine!

01:29:08.000 You don't know the band, do you?

01:29:10.000 No.

01:29:12.000 So why interject?

01:29:16.000 What's their big hit?

01:29:20.000 Yeah, I was never into them.

01:29:22.000 Boring.

01:29:24.000 This is from Royce.

01:29:25.000 It's way too long.

01:29:28.000 Has it become so normal to be politically correct that even blue-collar working class has fallen into this awful trap?

01:29:34.000 Yes.

01:29:35.000 Yes.

01:29:35.000 You'll see a lot of blue-collar dudes who carry I-beams on their backs talk about how fucking important gay marriage is and how trans awareness and my kid's gay and I love her and all this shit.

01:29:47.000 I have so many questions for this poor fellow who has fallen victim to this nonsense.

01:29:51.000 I just cannot imagine a grown man walking around with a pin that says he wants to accompany other people to the washroom based on the belief that these people are scared of being attacked.

01:30:01.000 So then he scrolls down and it's it's some dude, tough looking guy.

01:30:05.000 He's got a dirty shirt.

01:30:07.000 Maybe he builds decks for a living.

01:30:08.000 It's true photography.

01:30:10.000 That's a cool self-portrait with the framing.

01:30:13.000 About a year ago, my daughter came home wearing a button that said, I'll go with you.

01:30:16.000 I asked her what it meant and she explained that there were transgender children at her high school and many of them were uncomfortable using the assigned bathrooms.

01:30:25.000 The button is an indication that she and some of her fellow brave badass friends are willing to accompany you to the bathroom if you're in that situation.

01:30:34.000 Sometimes I forget that our children can teach us lessons.

01:30:37.000 My trans kid reminded me that you don't have to be a big and scary looking badass to be a brand of brave, whatever.

01:30:45.000 Next week I'm going to North Carolina, the land of bathroom law hijinks for work, and I'm stealing her button. 0.96

01:30:51.000 I can't be everywhere, but if I'm around, you're safe.

01:30:57.000 That might be the gayest thing I've ever read. 1.00

01:31:00.000 What a perfect ending to this show.

01:31:04.000 What a perfect ending to the Be a Man show.

01:31:06.000 You look so stupid when you believe this dumb shit and assume, well, my daughter said that trans kids are getting the shit kicked out of them when they just want to go pee.

01:31:17.000 So if I'm in an area, a state, where that's mandated, it isn't, that's not a thing, then I'm going to wear a pin.

01:31:26.000 And so if a trans kid wants to go pee, they can go, excuse me, sir, could you stop welding for a sec? 0.99

01:31:31.000 I want to go pee and not get lynched.

01:31:33.000 No problem, kid.

01:31:35.000 Let me put down this blowtorch, flip up my mask, take you to go to the pee-pee area that you like. 0.96

01:31:51.000 You probably start problems because he's just looking for a reason to be there.

01:31:56.000 I know this kind of guy, too.

01:31:58.000 And when they get a few drinks, they get ornery.

01:32:00.000 And I know that if I was at a bar with him, I said, dude, that's not a thing, okay?

01:32:04.000 And what are the odds someone's going to bump into you with that pin on?

01:32:08.000 There's zero.

01:32:10.000 Zero out of a hundred.

01:32:11.000 And then I can just see him getting up from his chair and saying, you got a problem, pal?

01:32:18.000 And it'd be like, all right, yeah, you beat me up, and now I'm not right, and you're right.

01:32:21.000 That's how logic works.

01:32:25.000 Let's watch some fucking shit.

01:32:28.000 Let's jump to 2-5.

01:32:29.000 Final videos, ending the show.

01:32:32.000 This is a pretty interesting video about these kids fighting, and it shows you what the hood could be if there was fatherhood.

01:32:39.000 Oh, wait, you can't see it.

01:32:43.000 Damn!

01:32:45.000 Fuck, what's going on?

01:32:46.000 What's going on with your shit, nigga? 1.00

01:32:48.000 Watch out, dance.

01:32:50.000 Damn, Taz, move! 0.83

01:32:51.000 Oh, it was good!

01:32:52.000 It was good!

01:32:54.000 Come on, nigga! 1.00

01:32:55.000 Interesting stance.

01:32:57.000 Go ahead, bro.

01:32:57.000 Y'all niggas is good.

01:33:02.000 Everybody in your phones, though.

01:33:04.000 Oh, y'all, y'all the real cowards.

01:33:05.000 Record that, too.

01:33:06.000 Everybody on the phone, record that.

01:33:09.000 Everybody recording the phone.

01:33:10.000 Real cowards.

01:33:11.000 Ain't cool, man.

01:33:12.000 Y'all in the middle of the street.

01:33:13.000 Look, she's smiling and laughing.

01:33:15.000 They laughing.

01:33:16.000 Wait a minute.

01:33:18.000 You're good at fake.

01:33:19.000 Is this fake?

01:33:20.000 Like, I've seen people try to break up fights.

01:33:23.000 No, they just get ignored.

01:33:26.000 Look, this fight just instantly stopped.

01:33:28.000 It could be.

01:33:28.000 now they're putting their hands on their shoulders they're like alright I'm looking at them.

01:33:34.000 Oh, y'all, y'all are real people.

01:33:34.000 Their reaction.

01:33:35.000 Stop there on your shit.

01:33:36.000 Go ahead.

01:33:37.000 Wait, there's no hits, right?

01:33:43.000 Yeah, that looks pretty fancy.

01:33:45.000 Oh, wait, no, he got him there.

01:33:46.000 Not really.

01:33:47.000 And after he got him, then they back up.

01:33:49.000 That doesn't seem like they're really doing.

01:33:51.000 Yeah, that's pretty good.

01:33:54.000 There's also later on in the video, he goes, yo, your mom and dad worked hard to give you what you got.

01:33:59.000 Mom and dad?

01:34:01.000 Dad?

01:34:03.000 Square up!

01:34:04.000 Go ahead.

01:34:04.000 Brown niggas is puffing.

01:34:06.000 He was looking back and like, wow, weird.

01:34:06.000 What?

01:34:13.000 And then they're saying, what's good, what's good?

01:34:15.000 Square up!

01:34:16.000 Go ahead.

01:34:17.000 Brown niggas is popping. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Yeah, that's bananas fake.

01:34:22.000 Everybody in your phone stopped.

01:34:23.000 That's bananas fake.

01:34:25.000 That kid, the skinny kid's waiting for his cue, and then he gets it, and then he's like, all right, cool.

01:34:28.000 I get dropped my hands.

01:34:32.000 Everybody in your phone stopped.

01:34:33.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:34.000 Whoop.

01:34:34.000 Second phones.

01:34:35.000 Record that, too.

01:34:36.000 Everybody on the phone, record that.

01:34:38.000 Everybody recording the phone.

01:34:40.000 Real cowards.

01:34:41.000 Ain't cool, man.

01:34:42.000 Y'all in the middle of the street, huh?

01:34:43.000 Free actors.

01:34:44.000 She's smiling and laughing.

01:34:45.000 They laughing.

01:34:46.000 Look, he laughed.

01:34:47.000 He got a big smile on his face, little bruh.

01:34:49.000 He got a picture of the ball.

01:34:50.000 You're giggling because they're having trouble keeping your straight face during your little sketch.

01:34:55.000 Look, this is cool.

01:34:56.000 Look at the listen to that.

01:34:57.000 Look, they all laughing, little brother.

01:34:59.000 But you really upset.

01:35:00.000 And you really upset.

01:35:01.000 You more mad than he is.

01:35:02.000 I can see it in your face.

01:35:03.000 So you fighting for a reason.

01:35:04.000 He only fighting you because you want to fight him.

01:35:06.000 Because you mad.

01:35:07.000 He texted me.

01:35:07.000 He came to me.

01:35:08.000 So you that's.

01:35:10.000 I don't even know.

01:35:10.000 So you defending yourself.

01:35:12.000 Yeah.

01:35:13.000 So look, so little bruh.

01:35:14.000 So you in the right.

01:35:15.000 You defending yourself.

01:35:16.000 Look at the crowd.

01:35:17.000 And little bruh, look, whatever you text him for, that you don't know, you was ill-advised.

01:35:21.000 My thing is, look at the trick of the devil.

01:35:23.000 Who ill-advised you?

01:35:24.000 Look around.

01:35:25.000 Who ill-advised you?

01:35:26.000 White people. 0.69

01:35:27.000 Who told you wrong?

01:35:28.000 Who told you wrong?

01:35:29.000 You don't got to answer that.

01:35:29.000 You said, who told you wrong, though, little bruh?

01:35:31.000 Trump.

01:35:31.000 The only reason I'm saying this is all y'all yell, because y'all almost men.

01:35:35.000 All of y'all yell.

01:35:36.000 You're almost men.

01:35:36.000 Y'all ain't kidding me.

01:35:38.000 That's as faki as a banana sandwich.

01:35:42.000 At one scene, you didn't see it, but this guy's snacking, and he's eating from a bag of chips as he walks across the street.

01:35:49.000 I thought it'd be funny if the guy was like, yo, why are you snacking?

01:35:52.000 Why are you snacking?

01:35:53.000 It's 4:30.

01:35:54.000 You're going to have dinner at like 5?

01:35:55.000 You ruin your appetite, nigga. 1.00

01:35:58.000 You're ruining your appetite, yo.

01:35:59.000 Your mama at home make a hamburger helpful. 0.98

01:36:01.000 Your mama right there cooking chillins and grits.

01:36:03.000 Afraid of ain't free.

01:36:04.000 You ruin it with them motherfucking Doritos. 1.00

01:36:06.000 Playing games, y'all.

01:36:08.000 Snacking and shit.

01:36:09.000 Snacking, motherfucker.

01:36:09.000 You know how many Corbs in there?

01:36:10.000 Let me see that bag.

01:36:11.000 26 dietary fibers over here.

01:36:13.000 Now you're putting up a bit hungry with his dinner.

01:36:15.000 Then you're not going to have a big dinner.

01:36:16.000 Then you're going to be hungry later.

01:36:18.000 Now your mom's just like, why are you having frosted flakes at 9 p.m.?

01:36:20.000 I'll tell you what, you crumple the Doritos on a steak, put some sauce on there.

01:36:25.000 Recipes.

01:36:26.000 This is a funny fight where a man stores way too much stuff in his pouch.

01:36:32.000 Very marsupial dude in the sweatshirt here.

01:36:36.000 Woo! 0.99

01:36:38.000 Nigga squatting. 1.00

01:36:40.000 That's what he's like.

01:36:41.000 Two candy bars.

01:36:42.000 He's a piñata.

01:36:45.000 Two candy bars and a comb.

01:36:47.000 What is that third thing?

01:36:48.000 Could be a knife.

01:36:49.000 Knife, maybe.

01:36:51.000 Oh.

01:36:53.000 It's always weird to me when someone gets an amazing punch like that and the fight's not over.

01:36:56.000 Yeah.

01:36:57.000 You think you would have earned it?

01:36:59.000 If it was boxing, boom.

01:37:00.000 All right, we're done.

01:37:01.000 It doesn't just boom.

01:37:03.000 There's shoes gone.

01:37:05.000 Man, this guy's just having a yard sale.

01:37:11.000 He dropped another thing back there.

01:37:13.000 That's two knockouts. 0.99

01:37:14.000 Look right here.

01:37:15.000 Something else.

01:37:18.000 That looks like another knife.

01:37:20.000 How many knives does this guy carry?

01:37:23.000 He's slitting.

01:37:25.000 He's swimming.

01:37:26.000 Then more shit came out of his pocket.

01:37:27.000 That's right.

01:37:28.000 Chocolate coins.

01:37:30.000 Caramel popcorn.

01:37:35.000 Dude, that's for warming your hands.

01:37:36.000 It's not a pocket.

01:37:38.000 Wow.

01:37:39.000 All right, here's.

01:37:40.000 So that's what a real fight looks like.

01:37:41.000 It's not quite as pretty.

01:37:43.000 And here's another real fight.

01:37:44.000 And this is a good one to end the show with because it shows you how important it is to never give up.

01:37:53.000 Heads high, dude.

01:37:55.000 Full screen.

01:37:58.000 Watch him time and dread coming out the store.

01:38:01.000 Heads high.

01:38:02.000 Hit him with the pole. 0.77

01:38:03.000 This is about to be the saddest day of his life.

01:38:05.000 Oh, and he's tagging him.

01:38:06.000 Tinga lingering.

01:38:07.000 Limba. 0.98

01:38:08.000 That's still, but he's good, though.

01:38:10.000 Dude, must hit like the Mets.

01:38:11.000 This is crazy.

01:38:12.000 He could have killed him.

01:38:13.000 You know what they call it?

01:38:14.000 Out in the six hits to the head.

01:38:16.000 I think Dread might give kind of a padding.

01:38:18.000 Oh, hell yeah.

01:38:19.000 Look, he's tumbling.

01:38:20.000 He's kind of, he definitely has a concussion right now.

01:38:22.000 Dude, that's so wrong.

01:38:25.000 And he gets him.

01:38:27.000 There you go.

01:38:28.000 He's taking him down.

01:38:29.000 He got him down.

01:38:32.000 Look, he's got his leg now.

01:38:34.000 He throws the stick away.

01:38:36.000 Now it's just an all-out wrestling match.

01:38:38.000 Whoever gets who, he turned the tail.

01:38:43.000 Got him in the okra yoke.

01:38:44.000 There's got to be about a chip.

01:38:46.000 I wish there was more rib shots in fights. 0.98

01:38:48.000 It's the only thing that's going to last weeks after fight.

01:38:50.000 Next day when they execute, just say, I don't know, I don't know.

01:38:54.000 He literally tried to make it.

01:38:55.000 Why do you stop?

01:38:56.000 Not you, but why do you people out there stop recording at the best part?

01:39:00.000 Ridiculous.

01:39:01.000 Don't press stop until they're both walking home, please.

01:39:05.000 Get fired.

01:39:06.000 Get in trouble.

01:39:07.000 Be brave.

01:39:08.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 06, 2020

S02E160 - BE A MAN [2020-05-06 - S02E160 - BE A MAN]

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript