Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E32 - WINDY CITY HEAT

00:00:30.000 That's Flatfoot 56, and the song is Courage, a wonderful song about the greatest generation.

00:00:36.000 This is July 4th, I believe, right?

00:00:39.000 Yeah.

00:00:40.000 And July 6th, we'll be in D.C. at the Free Speech Rally, totally rocking and rolling and getting attacked by Antifa.

00:00:48.000 Flatfoot 56 told me to stop using that song.

00:00:52.000 They said, when we agreed to it, you were just a funny guy.

00:00:55.000 Now you're a controversial guy, and we don't want to be political.

00:00:59.000 And I said, I didn't change.

00:01:00.000 Clown World changed.

00:01:02.000 And they said, whatever.

00:01:03.000 I don't care.

00:01:04.000 I don't use that song anymore.

00:01:06.000 Fine. 1.00

00:01:07.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:01:08.000 It's a great song, though. 1.00

00:01:09.000 Great band.

00:01:10.000 And they're a Chicago band.

00:01:11.000 And I chose them because today's movie is Windy City Heat.

00:01:16.000 And it filmed in Chicago, The Windy City.

00:01:19.000 But before we get to that, and my American flag, I still want to talk about Andy No.

00:01:26.000 I know this is ancient news for you now.

00:01:27.000 It's like five days old.

00:01:28.000 It's Saturday for me.

00:01:29.000 So it's actually brand new news.

00:01:31.000 And yesterday I said, haha, you just said new news.

00:01:35.000 Yesterday I said, what is he thinking? 1.00

00:01:38.000 Of course they were going to kick his ass. 1.00

00:01:39.000 And now I'm realizing, it's a day later for you, it's about 10 minutes later for me. 1.00

00:01:44.000 I'm realizing, yeah, he went and got beat up on purpose.

00:01:48.000 This is a theory.

00:01:50.000 To show how violent Antifa is.

00:01:52.000 And now Michelle Malkin has raised $25,000.

00:01:56.000 God knows what it is by the time you see this on July 4th, but she's raised tens of thousands of dollars for him, and he's now on the national stage.

00:02:04.000 Chadwick Moore is a different type of gay who's just been plugging away, and he doesn't have $25,000 for a cut on his eye. 0.93

00:02:12.000 I love Andy No, don't get me wrong.

00:02:14.000 Although, like Flatfoot56, he refused to appear on this show because I'm too controversial.

00:02:21.000 Oh, there we go.

00:02:22.000 That's called a fight. 0.51

00:02:23.000 That's pretty normal.

00:02:26.000 I thought they split his earlobe.

00:02:31.000 It's tiny, but you can see it.

00:02:33.000 Well, I think one of the worst things about their attack is they gave him lice. 0.99

00:02:36.000 Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that is. 0.99

00:02:39.000 We don't have to swear, Steve. 0.98

00:02:41.000 I apologize.

00:02:45.000 Oh, yeah, his earlobe is split.

00:02:46.000 You can see it there.

00:02:48.000 Is it desecrating the flag to wear it like this?

00:02:55.000 Maybe.

00:02:56.000 Michelle Malkin is a great source for that.

00:02:59.000 I always ask her if I'm desecrating the flag.

00:03:02.000 Like, I wanted a tablecloth that had an American flag.

00:03:06.000 No, a desk that had an American flag on it.

00:03:08.000 And she said, no, don't do that because you'll be putting coffee cups on it, getting it dirty, desecrating it. 0.99

00:03:12.000 It can't be in a situation where it's getting shat on.

00:03:15.000 That wasn't her verbiage. 0.98

00:03:16.000 Although she does have a body mouth. 1.00

00:03:19.000 All right.

00:03:20.000 It's July 4th.

00:03:22.000 We've got the DC thing going on.

00:03:24.000 I don't want to wear this anymore, but I don't want to throw it on the ground.

00:03:26.000 I'm going to drape it over a chair.

00:03:33.000 But I hope the folks at free speech.tv, the tech crew, uses that flag as the thumbnail.

00:03:40.000 This is why I wear a different outfit every time, so you can find shows that you remember, because you'll probably have some sort of photographic memory about the shirt.

00:03:47.000 Again, thank you to Michelob Ultra for sponsoring Holiday Week.

00:03:52.000 Wonderful brand.

00:03:53.000 You're no Budweiser, though, Michelope.

00:03:55.000 You never will be. 0.98

00:03:56.000 But I like that you're bland and weak. 0.52

00:03:57.000 There was a bunch of New York City firemen who started a beer called 212, and they were pushing it like crazy when it came out.

00:04:05.000 And they paid for all this.

00:04:07.000 I remember being in bars in New York, and there would be 212 glasses, glassware they paid for, which must cost a fortune.

00:04:13.000 And they'd buy, they'd come into the bar I was at and they'd buy it for everyone.

00:04:18.000 I think it was Handsome Dick Manitoba's at the time.

00:04:21.000 So everyone gets a free 212.

00:04:23.000 It was so crafty and hoppy and about the tangy and beery that as soon as the guy left, the fireman, 9-11 guys, so we all respected them, as soon as they left, it was like, can I just get a bud, please?

00:04:35.000 We would all return it.

00:04:37.000 And I said to the bartender, I remember this at the time, I said, if I was going to make a beer and really push it and pour all my savings in it, which it seemed like that's what these firemen had done, my beer would be so bland.

00:04:49.000 It would be like this, just water.

00:04:51.000 We're not looking for adventure.

00:04:53.000 You ever had strawberry cocaine?

00:04:55.000 Me neither.

00:04:56.000 No one, you don't need to flavor cocaine.

00:04:59.000 We're already here doing drugs.

00:05:01.000 This is rotten barley and oats.

00:05:02.000 I drink it because it makes my mind buzzy because it's rotten food.

00:05:07.000 Like the way birds will eat rotten berries and go flying all over the place and plonk on the ground.

00:05:11.000 So don't flavor it up. 1.00

00:05:13.000 What are you doing, you pumpkin ale bullshit? 0.99

00:05:18.000 I'm actually drinking these because they're at the studio we're at. 0.99

00:05:22.000 This is not my normal studio.

00:05:24.000 I'm banking holiday shows and I couldn't do it with my normal engineer because we're fighting.

00:05:30.000 All right.

00:05:31.000 Wendy City Heat.

00:05:32.000 I've been sort of saving this because it's just so huge.

00:05:36.000 It's almost like I'm introducing you to punk or girls or drugs or cars.

00:05:44.000 Like Wendy City Heat is a thing and it's really hard to explain.

00:05:50.000 So I think it might be easy just to start the movie because the beginning of the movie really explains the magnitude of this movie.

00:05:57.000 Jack Hole Industries is Jimmy Kimmel's production company.

00:06:00.000 I think he's been told to stay away from this, but he was a big part of it.

00:06:05.000 Can you turn it up?

00:06:08.000 Perry Caravella.

00:06:11.000 This was my favorite movie.

00:06:13.000 Now it's number three.

00:06:15.000 My name is Stone, Stone Fury.

00:06:19.000 This is my town, Chi-Town, Chicago, Illinois.

00:06:23.000 A land of big hearts, big shoulders, and broken.

00:06:26.000 He hits his mic, of course. 0.99

00:06:32.000 Some say I'm the best private dick there ever was. 0.99

00:06:36.000 But that was a long time ago. 0.99

00:06:39.000 The snowman has seen better days.

00:06:41.000 I'm out of shape.

00:06:42.000 I'm out of touch.

00:06:44.000 And I'm simply out of time.

00:06:45.000 I'm out of touch.

00:06:46.000 And I'm simply out of time.

00:06:47.000 I need a break, and soon.

00:06:49.000 Just pause.

00:06:50.000 But there's trouble.

00:06:54.000 There's trouble brewing.

00:06:56.000 I'm out of shape.

00:06:57.000 I'm out of touch.

00:06:58.000 And I'm simply out of time.

00:07:00.000 There's trouble. 1.00

00:07:00.000 Why are you acting out every single word, you retard? 1.00

00:07:04.000 This is Perry Caravello, the dumbest man in the world, and he makes a great victim, a great mark in this prank because he's a racist, stupid, asshole shithead who rips people off, sues them, and wouldn't save his own mother if she was drowning. 1.00

00:07:23.000 So it's very cruel that we, and I'm part of the Perry Project, have been playing a prank on this guy for 25 years. 1.00

00:07:33.000 But when the guy's a dick, it's fun. 0.98

00:07:36.000 I mean, if this was a 12-year-old girl, we should all be in jail. 0.99

00:07:39.000 This is a horrible thing to do to a person. 0.93

00:07:41.000 If this was some like nice old black doctor, then we would be the worst villains alive. 1.00

00:07:46.000 But the guy's a douche. 0.98

00:07:48.000 And yes, he was in a car accident a long time ago. 0.99

00:07:50.000 His cousins are all douchebags, too. 1.00

00:07:52.000 The caravellos suck. 1.00

00:07:56.000 Growing up. 1.00

00:07:58.000 Don't you feel it?

00:07:59.000 Bobcat Goldthwaite.

00:08:03.000 And cut. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:08:05.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

00:08:06.000 I think you're adding too many colors to a painting.

00:08:08.000 You want another one?

00:08:13.000 We don't have any video equipment at all here.

00:08:15.000 Okay, so you just.

00:08:16.000 Yeah.

00:08:17.000 Alright, so let's do it again.

00:08:19.000 Let's do it again.

00:08:20.000 If you need another one, you're the star.

00:08:21.000 Let's do another one.

00:08:23.000 This movie's free on YouTube.

00:08:24.000 I'm like a young Merlin Brando.

00:08:28.000 Unleash the fury.

00:08:31.000 Ah, trapped like a rat now, huh?

00:08:34.000 Now let's see who the bad guy really is.

00:08:37.000 The way I store the scene was just my expressions. 0.86

00:08:46.000 Trapped like a rat.

00:08:47.000 Now let's see who the bad guy really is. 0.96

00:08:50.000 And cut. 0.99

00:08:51.000 He's giving me Scott Baio and I want Robert De Niro.

00:08:54.000 I'm more like Robert De Niro. 1.00

00:08:56.000 The look, Pierre Dude, the fucking remarks. 0.99

00:09:00.000 I'm more like Bobby De Niro, baby. 1.00

00:09:10.000 I let this play out.

00:09:14.000 Oh, they're going to the premiere?

00:09:15.000 So here's the deal.

00:09:20.000 I got so deep into the Perry Project that I had to just go cold turkey because I was becoming a heroin addict.

00:09:27.000 I was totally and utterly addicted to the Perry Project.

00:09:29.000 I went to his house.

00:09:31.000 I worked with everyone involved, Kimmel.

00:09:36.000 So Kimmel works with these two guys, Don Barris and Tony Barbieri.

00:09:41.000 Don Barris is the warm-up comic for Jimmy Kimmel.

00:09:44.000 You don't see him when you watch Jimmy Kimmel, but he's the guy who warms up the crowd.

00:09:48.000 Hey, how's everyone doing tonight?

00:09:50.000 He also has a show at the comedy store in L.A. called the Ding-Dong Show, which is basically the whack pack. 0.97

00:09:56.000 In fact, I think Don Barris invented the whack pack before Howard Stern, and Howard Stern is stolen from Don Barris' whack pack. 0.97

00:10:03.000 If you recall, Blue Iris, who was an absolute lunatic, slut, old lady, Howard Stern ended up having her on his show after Don Barris had discovered her. 1.00

00:10:15.000 But he has a comedy night called The Ding Dong Show where he has ding-dongs. 0.99

00:10:22.000 People with mental problems, low IQs, who are just insane or just terrible, terrible, terrible comedians. 0.99

00:10:28.000 And he has a whole variety show he does with them. 0.98

00:10:34.000 And that's, I guess, how he got to know Kimmel and how he got to be the warm-up comic.

00:10:37.000 Tony Barbieri, on the other hand, is just a really good comedy writer who you may have seen him on various shows.

00:10:45.000 Can you look up Tony Barbieri, Michael Jackson?

00:10:48.000 He does these shorts on Kimmel.

00:10:50.000 I don't know if he'll be listed as Tony Barbieri, though. 0.97

00:10:53.000 He does these shorts on Kimmel where he goes and he portrays this dumb fan who just bothers people by being really in your face.

00:11:02.000 Anyway, so this crew has been around for a while. 0.88

00:11:04.000 Kimmel, Barbieri, and Barris have known each other for centuries.

00:11:08.000 Way before Kimmel was famous.

00:11:10.000 And I guess you're getting the vibe here that Kimmel's a good guy and you're correct.

00:11:14.000 So maybe in 1995?

00:11:19.000 No, I'm not exaggerating.

00:11:22.000 Don Barris has an open stage and he has this open mic night, but not because he's looking for good comedians, because he's looking for whackpackers. 1.00

00:11:30.000 He's looking for lunatics. 1.00

00:11:32.000 He's looking for people who suck. 1.00

00:11:34.000 I shouldn't say suck. 1.00

00:11:35.000 That's a misnomer. 1.00

00:11:37.000 People who are bizarre.

00:11:41.000 And Don got Perry Caravello on the stage.

00:11:46.000 Perry Caravello at the time, and this might come on the clip, was doing an act where he dressed as a baby in a diaper and he would go, oh, Goo Goo Gaga!

00:11:55.000 Goo-Goo Gaga! 1.00

00:11:56.000 He was trying to do like a Sam Kinnison thing, but as a screaming baby.

00:12:00.000 And I think it's coming up in that clip, by the way.

00:12:03.000 And Don Barris just goes, you're so bad that it's not even funny bad, and I don't want you on my ding-dong crew. 0.95

00:12:09.000 Get the hell off the stage. 0.99

00:12:11.000 Get out of here. 1.00

00:12:11.000 You're a loser. 1.00

00:12:12.000 Perry goes, you know what? 1.00

00:12:15.000 You're a fucking dead man. 1.00

00:12:17.000 And Don goes, what? 1.00

00:12:19.000 This is 1995.

00:12:20.000 Don goes, pardon me?

00:12:21.000 Don Barris is a huge man, by the way. 0.99

00:12:24.000 And he says, I'm going to get my cousins in here next week, and we're going to fuck you up. 0.99

00:12:30.000 We're going to put you in the hospital because you just humiliated me. 1.00

00:12:32.000 And I don't stand for that. 0.79

00:12:33.000 I'm Italiano, baby.

00:12:35.000 I'm from Chicago.

00:12:36.000 Meanwhile, he left Chicago when he was about five.

00:12:39.000 So he's as Chicagoan as I am British.

00:12:42.000 But it totally defines his personality.

00:12:45.000 He's a Windy City guy.

00:12:46.000 Windy City.

00:12:47.000 Wearing the fedora like he's Bobby De Niro, baby.

00:12:51.000 I'm a gangster.

00:12:52.000 I'm a Chicago gangster.

00:12:55.000 So the second he threatened Don's life, Don looked at him and he thought to himself, I'm going to terrorize this person till the day I die.

00:13:05.000 And that's exactly what he's done.

00:13:07.000 He has been pranking Perry on a regular basis for a quarter of a century.

00:13:14.000 I am William Randolph first.

00:13:16.000 And then you go to him.

00:13:18.000 Like he keeps introducing David Cross, he was David Brinkley.

00:13:21.000 He keeps introducing people into the Perry project.

00:13:23.000 I think Ron Howard's son was in it for a while.

00:13:27.000 And then you say, well, he must know.

00:13:29.000 I mean, you're saying it now.

00:13:30.000 Well, I am behind a paywall, but you're talking about it now.

00:13:33.000 Every time Perry gets too close to the truth, they can just twist it, like with William Randolph Hearst.

00:13:38.000 Perry goes, I looked him up.

00:13:39.000 William Randolph Hearst is dead. 1.00

00:13:41.000 And then Don goes, it's his fucking grandson, you idiot. 1.00

00:13:46.000 Of course he's not William Randolph Hearst. 1.00

00:13:48.000 He's William Randolph Hearst III.

00:13:50.000 So I've got a whole history with Perry.

00:13:52.000 He knows who I am.

00:13:54.000 One time they convinced him that not all men belong loving acting or something.

00:14:02.000 He convinced Perry that there was a group that wants to support him.

00:14:05.000 And the acronym spells NAMBLA, which is actually a pedophile group, the All-Natural Man-Boy Love Association.

00:14:13.000 So he convinced Perry, sent him stickers, and convinced Perry to put stickers on his truck that say NAMBLA, which is a pro-pedophile organization.

00:14:20.000 That's just one.

00:14:22.000 That's just one thing in 25 years of, I'm going to say three things a week.

00:14:29.000 Now, this kept going and going and going. 1.00

00:14:32.000 And then eventually, Kimmel and Don go, why don't we make a movie where we'll film him and beat the crap out of him and throw him in a dumpster full of shit and all kinds of stuff. 1.00

00:14:43.000 Like have a sex scene. 1.00

00:14:45.000 He's about to have a sex scene with this hot woman. 0.99

00:14:46.000 And then they put in a body double at the last second. 1.00

00:14:49.000 So this big fat guy's with the hot chick. 0.99

00:14:51.000 And let's just torture him. 1.00

00:14:53.000 And we'll make that a movie.

00:14:55.000 And this is Windy City Heat, which is free on YouTube.

00:14:58.000 Please check it out.

00:14:59.000 Let's go to the next scene.

00:15:01.000 So good.

00:15:05.000 I like this.

00:15:07.000 Yep.

00:15:07.000 That's Don Barris.

00:15:11.000 If you do well with this audition, you are going to hit this role and you can be a movie star.

00:15:18.000 But if you screw this up, I've hung out with these guys for 100 hours until the day you die.

00:15:18.000 Could be.

00:15:27.000 What if you become a star?

00:15:28.000 If?

00:15:29.000 What if this thing goes and you become the biggest star there is?

00:15:33.000 Dude, dude.

00:15:34.000 When Don first met me, he saw a major star in me.

00:15:40.000 And there he is.

00:15:42.000 98.

00:15:43.000 Gaga Googu! 1.00

00:15:45.000 Gaga Googu! 1.00

00:15:46.000 Gaga Gugu.

00:15:47.000 So this has been going on since 98.

00:15:51.000 96.

00:15:54.000 He just loved my voice.

00:15:59.000 Just pause.

00:16:02.000 Just to explain the incredible nuance of the Perry Project.

00:16:06.000 And I feel comfortable saying this behind a paywall.

00:16:08.000 We'll never make this public, but he might find out and Don will spin it.

00:16:12.000 So he was stealing Sam Kinnison's scream.

00:16:15.000 Sam Kinnison would go, ow, ow, ow!

00:16:19.000 And Don and Tony convince him you can't do Sam Kinnison's scream.

00:16:23.000 Obviously, he has a copyright on it.

00:16:25.000 So what you should do is go, ow, ow, ow, oh, and just add one little O at the end, and Sam Kinnison won't be able to sue you.

00:16:34.000 So that's why he screams like that, to avoid copyright. 0.98

00:16:37.000 And again, it's just shit they made up, that he fell for. 0.99

00:16:42.000 And wouldn't let go of me. 1.00

00:16:44.000 I mean, not in the gay aspects.

00:16:46.000 All right.

00:16:47.000 I want you to remember this line.

00:16:49.000 Every time that you're getting ready to become Stone Fury when you read this, I want you to do this for me.

00:16:55.000 I want you to unleash the Fury.

00:16:59.000 Repeat that.

00:16:59.000 Just pause.

00:17:00.000 Here's the thing that only people very, very deeply involved in the Perry Project like myself understand.

00:17:08.000 Don Barris is the biggest freak of them all.

00:17:11.000 First of all, who sits like that? 0.83

00:17:14.000 He sits like a teddy bear.

00:17:17.000 He sits like a stuffed animal. 1.00

00:17:19.000 And he dresses so fucking weird. 0.99

00:17:21.000 Like those weird sweatpants he wears with the stripe on the side. 0.98

00:17:24.000 Usually he wears these shorts, these basketball shorts, that are so big for him, even though he's a huge guy, he's probably 6'5, that they look like a giant kilt.

00:17:33.000 And then he'll wear these socks.

00:17:35.000 Remember like bodybuilders, female bodybuilders and aerobics instructors in the 80s?

00:17:39.000 They'd have these big bunchy socks, these white socks, that you could probably pull up to your thighs if you wanted to.

00:17:45.000 Take thigh-high, thick white socks, and then pull them down to your ankles.

00:17:50.000 That's what he wears.

00:17:51.000 Now, here's a story that sums up Don Barris.

00:17:54.000 Go full screen on me.

00:17:56.000 So we did this show in Chicago, Vice did, called Intonation.

00:18:00.000 And it was sort of like the Ozzy Fest, Oz Y, not Ozzy Osborne.

00:18:06.000 It was just like a hipster music festival.

00:18:07.000 They're common now, but they weren't that common back then.

00:18:09.000 And Weiss ran this one called Intonation.

00:18:11.000 And I insisted, which didn't go well, that Perry was a big part of the show. 0.94

00:18:16.000 And he introduced the bands, and everyone hated him, and no one knew what the fuck was going on. 1.00

00:18:21.000 But I was just an asshole. 0.99

00:18:22.000 I was ousted from Vice soon after, by the way. 1.00

00:18:24.000 Maybe it was Perry that got me, that started the rift.

00:18:28.000 But anyway, Don Barris shows up and he's at the hotel.

00:18:36.000 We're all staying at the same hotel.

00:18:37.000 And Derek Beckles was also co-hosting the festival with me.

00:18:42.000 And wow, we were so bad introducing shows.

00:18:46.000 We didn't care.

00:18:47.000 Like, we didn't want it to be good.

00:18:49.000 We wanted to be freaks.

00:18:50.000 And I remember there was one band, like Pharrell or something.

00:18:53.000 And Derek was dressed in a Klansman uniform, but that was rainbow colored.

00:18:58.000 He was like a gay black Klansman in a rainbow Klansman outfit. 0.92

00:19:02.000 And he's like, okay, we'll introduce the next band. 0.81

00:19:05.000 And they're like, no, no, no, don't, don't.

00:19:07.000 And I go, we, I'm running the festival.

00:19:09.000 I own Vice, and we're doing the festival.

00:19:11.000 So we're going to introduce the band.

00:19:12.000 He goes, no, you're not.

00:19:13.000 And I go, well, let's just, can you move, please?

00:19:17.000 And then the manager looks at me and he goes, they don't want you.

00:19:22.000 They don't want you.

00:19:25.000 I hear that sometimes in my head.

00:19:28.000 And sometimes when I see guys working on girls and it's just not happening, like I choo, choo, choo, you.

00:19:34.000 I feel like just going up to them going, she doesn't want you.

00:19:38.000 She doesn't want, they don't want you.

00:19:42.000 Anyway, so we're at the hotel.

00:19:46.000 And Don is there.

00:19:51.000 I heard about this from Saroosh Alvi, the other guy I started Vice with.

00:19:55.000 And Don gets to the hotel and they say, okay, we need a card for incidentals.

00:20:00.000 And he goes, what the?

00:20:02.000 My wallet's gone.

00:20:04.000 Now, most people, we've all lost our wallet.

00:20:06.000 It happens like once every 10 years. 0.99

00:20:09.000 And when you lose it, you go, oh my fucking wallet's gone. 1.00

00:20:15.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:20:16.000 And you think about, I got to cancel these cards. 1.00

00:20:17.000 I got to get a new driver's license. 0.99

00:20:19.000 It sucks. 0.67

00:20:20.000 But it's not the apocalypse. 0.98

00:20:22.000 Dawn starts going bananas.

00:20:24.000 He starts screaming in the hotel lobby.

00:20:27.000 I hope he's not mad at me for telling this story, but I can't resist.

00:20:30.000 And he starts screaming.

00:20:32.000 He drops to his knees.

00:20:34.000 Saroosh told me this story.

00:20:35.000 I wasn't there.

00:20:35.000 Then he unzips his suitcase.

00:20:37.000 We're here for two days.

00:20:38.000 You're coming from LA.

00:20:40.000 Why did you pack a giant suitcase?

00:20:42.000 We're not moving here.

00:20:43.000 And what's in the suitcase?

00:20:48.000 Saroosh told me when Don opened it up, there was just like five magazines and like a pair of pants and nothing else.

00:20:56.000 So he packed this huge suitcase through three.

00:21:00.000 He's not a drunk, by the way.

00:21:01.000 Don Barris doesn't drink.

00:21:02.000 He smokes a lot of weed.

00:21:03.000 But he's not a drunk.

00:21:04.000 He's always like coherent.

00:21:06.000 But he had packed about five magazines, what?

00:21:08.000 And a pair of pants, like something you could fit in a briefcase.

00:21:11.000 But this isn't a giant suitcase and you can't see it.

00:21:13.000 He's throwing the magazines everywhere.

00:21:14.000 Who packs magazines, huh?

00:21:18.000 Throws them everywhere.

00:21:20.000 Throws the pants out.

00:21:21.000 There's nothing in the suitcase.

00:21:22.000 Then he looks at Saroush, who he knew, because we paid for him to fly up there.

00:21:26.000 He'd never left LA before.

00:21:27.000 I don't think he'd ever been on a plane before.

00:21:29.000 I mean, I guess he's not from LA, but he'd never really traveled before.

00:21:33.000 He drops to his knees at Saroosh's feet, holds on to Saroosh's pants, and starts crying actual tears and says, what am I going to do?

00:21:46.000 What am I going to do, Saroosh? 0.99

00:21:48.000 And Sarush is standing there like, Jesus Christ, just going, Jesus Christ, what the fuck? 0.99

00:21:54.000 I guess you're going to have to cancel your credit cards and get a new driver's license like everyone else does when they lose their wallet. 0.99

00:21:59.000 He's hysterical, inconsolable, like children died into fire kind of level of hysteria.

00:22:07.000 And then I was talking to Derek, Beckles, and he, we were in different hotel rooms, and I think it went me, Derek, Don.

00:22:16.000 And Derek comes to my room. 0.97

00:22:17.000 He goes, you're not going to fucking believe this. 0.98

00:22:19.000 I go, what? 0.99

00:22:20.000 He goes, I was in the shower, and I guess our showers are touching because Don, I could hear Don in the shower.

00:22:26.000 I go, what do you mean you could hear Don in the shower? 0.99

00:22:28.000 You could tell by the way the water splashed off his dick that it was Don Barris. 0.99

00:22:31.000 And he goes, no, I heard his voice. 0.99

00:22:34.000 And he was pounding on the walls of the shower.

00:22:37.000 And he was screaming, why me?

00:22:39.000 Why me, God?

00:22:41.000 Why me?

00:22:42.000 Like, why me?

00:22:44.000 Why me, God?

00:22:46.000 Why me? 1.00

00:22:51.000 He's a mental patient. 0.95

00:22:52.000 That's why he likes having the ding-dong show and the whackpackers. 1.00

00:22:55.000 And that's why he keeps Perry around because it makes him look sane.

00:23:01.000 I also heard another piece of gossip.

00:23:03.000 This one's about Tony Barbieri.

00:23:05.000 Kimmel had had enough.

00:23:07.000 The writers were not performing, and they were in a slump for whatever reason.

00:23:11.000 And Kimmel had a, I guess he was writing for the show the next day.

00:23:14.000 They'd just done the show.

00:23:15.000 And I don't quite get the parameters of these criteria.

00:23:18.000 But Kimmel had said to the writers, you know what, guys, this is not working.

00:23:22.000 I don't have any half-decent bits for tomorrow's show. 0.99

00:23:25.000 I know it's late, and I know you're tired, but fuck it. 0.98

00:23:28.000 No one is leaving here until they provide me with one good bit. 0.99

00:23:33.000 So, you know, David Letterman has the Velcro suit where he jumps off a trampoline and sticks to the Velcro wall.

00:23:38.000 Something like that.

00:23:39.000 Give me one good idea, one good line, one good concept, one good notion, and you can go home.

00:23:45.000 But if not, we'll be here all night.

00:23:46.000 I don't care. 1.00

00:23:48.000 And so they all go, ah, shit. 1.00

00:23:50.000 And they start thinking, Tony Barbieri starts crying. 1.00

00:23:50.000 All right. 1.00

00:23:57.000 He's crying his eyes out.

00:23:58.000 Now, remember, Tony and Don are the two guys who control Perry. 0.99

00:24:03.000 But the reason I'm telling you these two stories is to tell you that the lunatics are running the asylum, and they are just as crazy as Perry is. 0.92

00:24:11.000 That's what I love about the Perry project. 0.52

00:24:13.000 This is not like two jocks going, like in Bottle Rocket, where they go, nice yellow boiler suit.

00:24:19.000 You look like a little banana.

00:24:20.000 Now we have to find that.

00:24:22.000 Can you find Bottle Rocket, Banana?

00:24:25.000 Little Banana? 0.62

00:24:27.000 The movie Bottle Rocket?

00:24:30.000 It's such a good scene.

00:24:32.000 And I can tell it's Ad Lib.

00:24:33.000 That's always the funniest parts of movies. 0.97

00:24:36.000 This is not Jocks bullying some loser. 1.00

00:24:39.000 These are two functioning lunatics. 1.00

00:24:42.000 You know, you can be a functioning alcoholic like I am. 1.00

00:24:45.000 They're functioning lunatics dealing with a non-functioning lunatic. 0.97

00:24:50.000 That's what the Perry Project is. 0.98

00:24:52.000 And it goes on and on and on.

00:24:56.000 Oh, there it is.

00:24:57.000 Nice guy. 0.96

00:25:02.000 What the hell are you wearing? 0.86

00:25:03.000 Yeah. 0.66

00:25:04.000 It's a jumpsuit.

00:25:05.000 Clay, look at this guy. 0.95

00:25:07.000 He looks like a rodeo clown. 0.98

00:25:08.000 He looks like a little banana. 0.94

00:25:10.000 Where are you from, anyway, man?

00:25:12.000 I'm from around here.

00:25:13.000 This guy used to mow our lawn.

00:25:16.000 Suit.

00:25:17.000 Clay, look at this guy. 0.97

00:25:18.000 He looks like a rodeo clown. 0.98

00:25:20.000 He looks like a little banana. 0.97

00:25:21.000 Where are you from, man?

00:25:23.000 I'm from around here.

00:25:24.000 This guy used to mow our lawn.

00:25:26.000 Yeah, he was great.

00:25:27.000 Clipping the hedges, sweeping up, mowing the lawn.

00:25:32.000 What was the name of your little lawn mowing company?

00:25:35.000 Lawn Wranglers.

00:25:35.000 Lawn Wranglers?

00:25:40.000 What's going on?

00:25:42.000 That's enough.

00:25:43.000 Keep up the mowing, Kimisabi.

00:25:49.000 That also is one in my top, definitely my top 10 bottle rocket.

00:25:52.000 That started Luke and Owen Wilson's career out.

00:25:55.000 That's funny.

00:25:56.000 And, you know, I grew up hating those kind of guys that were just in the Bronco, was it?

00:26:01.000 Ford Bronco.

00:26:03.000 But now I like those kind of guys.

00:26:04.000 I think they're funny.

00:26:05.000 However, the Perry Project is not that, what you just saw.

00:26:11.000 The Perry Project is more like three little bananas, and two of the bananas are making fun of the other banana, but they're all bananas.

00:26:19.000 Uh, let's uh let's just play a little bit of conviction.

00:26:23.000 I'm gonna unleash the fury.

00:26:25.000 What are you gonna do?

00:26:25.000 I'm gonna unleash the fury.

00:26:27.000 What are you gonna do?

00:26:29.000 I'm gonna be quiet.

00:26:29.000 Sarah Perry.

00:26:30.000 No, Perry.

00:26:31.000 I want you to get into this.

00:26:32.000 I don't wanna be loud because he's been killing me.

00:26:35.000 Who sits like that?

00:26:36.000 I'm gonna tell them the way it is, and I know I got the part and the story. 0.99

00:26:42.000 They're gonna like my fucking Stone Fury act attitude. 0.99

00:26:46.000 They're gonna like my pushy, hardcore, kick-in-the-ass fucking way of life. 0.99

00:26:52.000 And they're gonna accept it because this is me. 1.00

00:26:52.000 What? 1.00

00:26:55.000 This is Stone Fury.

00:26:58.000 All right.

00:26:58.000 I know that they're going to be doing the making of these things.

00:27:02.000 You know how they put on DVDs, they put the whole behind-the-scenes stuff, and they put the extra footage.

00:27:07.000 So they're probably going to mic you the minute we get out of the car.

00:27:11.000 See, that's the brilliance of it.

00:27:13.000 So this movie that they're making obviously never came out because it doesn't exist.

00:27:18.000 So Perry's like, well, why is all this footage coming out of behind the scenes?

00:27:22.000 And they go, well, it's a making of, you know?

00:27:25.000 And then you go, well, can't he just sue them for that?

00:27:28.000 This is how they work.

00:27:30.000 So their lawyer said, yeah, this is really harsh.

00:27:33.000 You really abused him in this film.

00:27:35.000 And it's so bad that it's bad for his family name.

00:27:38.000 And any caravella could sue you now.

00:27:41.000 You have to get him to sign a release saying, I know that you guys did this.

00:27:44.000 And it was all a big prank on me.

00:27:46.000 And they go, no problem.

00:27:49.000 We'll do it.

00:27:50.000 Bye. 0.99

00:27:50.000 And the lawyers go, how the fuck are they going to do that? 0.99

00:27:52.000 This is what they did. 1.00

00:27:54.000 They sit down at a big table at a restaurant and they go, all right, so this is fucked up. 0.96

00:27:59.000 Before the movie can come out, which is, by the way, about a sports detective, you know, sports detectives, they handle cases with sports stars. 0.97

00:28:07.000 He didn't question that at all, by the way.

00:28:10.000 Before the movie can come out, they want to drum up some hype.

00:28:13.000 And the way they're going to drum up some hype is to make it show a behind the scenes.

00:28:18.000 So I don't know.

00:28:19.000 It's weird.

00:28:19.000 It's like a DVD extra first, and then it comes out.

00:28:23.000 But they think it would be funny if they edited the footage so it looked like a prank because Jackass is really big right now.

00:28:31.000 So they want to make it look like there was a prank.

00:28:36.000 And so they want us to sign a contract where we say, yeah, yeah, the making of video, it's a prank, and it's a prank on me.

00:28:45.000 And then Don Barris says, well, I figure I'm the star of the show.

00:28:49.000 I'm the star of the movie.

00:28:50.000 So I'll sign it and I'll say, the whole thing was a prank on me.

00:28:54.000 And I'll sign this contract that says it's a prank on me, a sort of a release. 0.94

00:28:58.000 And then Tony Barbieri, who plays a character called Mole in the Perry Project, who's like a crazy Midwesterner with a shitty wig.

00:29:05.000 And when I first saw it in person and I saw that his eyebrows are just drawn on with like an eyebrow pencil, I go, how does he not see that?

00:29:12.000 And Tony's like, I don't know.

00:29:15.000 Then Tony grabs the contract from Dawn and goes, hey, this is how he talks in the movie.

00:29:19.000 Hey, now, it's all a big, I'm the star of the show.

00:29:23.000 So it's a big prank on me.

00:29:25.000 I'm going to sign it.

00:29:26.000 And then Perry goes, nice try, gentlemen.

00:29:30.000 I'm the star of the show.

00:29:31.000 I'm going to sign and say it was a prank on me.

00:29:34.000 Signs his rights away.

00:29:38.000 And that's not hard for Don.

00:29:40.000 He does this on a daily basis.

00:29:42.000 You can put him in the worst snap.

00:29:43.000 You could show Perry this video.

00:29:46.000 And Don would go, yeah, he's making a parody of a parody of it and just sign it away.

00:29:53.000 Before we go, let's dive in somewhere else.

00:29:56.000 Well, what's this here?

00:29:58.000 Look at his face.

00:29:59.000 Be an actor.

00:29:59.000 Anything to be a star.

00:30:01.000 A star more than an actor.

00:30:04.000 A star.

00:30:05.000 I'll do anything to be a star.

00:30:08.000 That's why I love the Perry Project.

00:30:10.000 It's a...

00:30:14.000 Okay, we're here to see Mr. Polanski.

00:30:15.000 Okay, can I ask your name?

00:30:17.000 Well, I'm Don Varris.

00:30:19.000 And this right here, this is Perry.

00:30:20.000 Oh my god, Mr. Barris, I'm sorry.

00:30:22.000 Hi.

00:30:22.000 I'm sorry.

00:30:23.000 I saw your screen test for Windy City Heat, and it was amazing.

00:30:27.000 Thank you.

00:30:28.000 She's jiggly-wiggly. 0.99

00:30:29.000 I'm Perry.

00:30:29.000 Yes.

00:30:30.000 Hi, I'm Susan.

00:30:31.000 Pleasure.

00:30:31.000 I've heard a lot about you.

00:30:32.000 Can I?

00:30:33.000 You are the ultimate ultimate.

00:30:35.000 The ultimate ultimate.

00:30:36.000 Thank you.

00:30:36.000 Can I get a hug?

00:30:38.000 Please.

00:30:39.000 Thank you.

00:30:41.000 Look at that.

00:30:43.000 There's Tony.

00:30:47.000 I've had problems with Mole in the past.

00:30:49.000 Look at this making.

00:30:50.000 And I've disliked Mole.

00:30:52.000 And on my cable show, Mole showed up, and I didn't want him there.

00:30:55.000 Terry, are you part of our world? 1.00

00:30:57.000 I'm not going to shake your fucking hand. 1.00

00:30:59.000 I believe Mole's craziness is due to his drug addictions. 1.00

00:31:05.000 We're just, we're best friends.

00:31:06.000 Keep me on.

00:31:07.000 We're not best friends.

00:31:08.000 Good to me.

00:31:13.000 And this is an old movie, by the way.

00:31:15.000 You saw 1996.

00:31:16.000 More not, we're already in the movie.

00:31:18.000 We've got our parts.

00:31:19.000 It's between you and one other guy for the lead of this movie.

00:31:23.000 It's the one other guy.

00:31:24.000 After 10 years, you get this rule.

00:31:26.000 All of our dreams come true. 0.99

00:31:27.000 Yeah, don't suck it there, dude. 0.99

00:31:30.000 Relax. 0.99

00:31:31.000 Relax.

00:31:33.000 Okay, guys, thanks a lot.

00:31:34.000 Call my agent if you make a decision.

00:31:36.000 Thanks.

00:31:37.000 Okay.

00:31:38.000 Hey, you're Carson Daly, aren't you?

00:31:41.000 He dressed Carson Daly up like Perry.

00:31:44.000 There's tons of celebrities involved in this.

00:31:45.000 When I saw Carson Daly wearing the fanny pack, wearing the jacket, wearing the hat, I'm looking at myself or somebody that wants to be me.

00:31:58.000 And I'm thinking through my head.

00:32:01.000 I'm thinking to my head. 1.00

00:32:03.000 This is somebody that needs his ass kicked. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Bad. 1.00

00:32:07.000 Do it bad.

00:32:08.000 Do it, Perry.

00:32:10.000 Said it going there.

00:32:11.000 You think you got the role?

00:32:12.000 I don't know.

00:32:12.000 It went good.

00:32:12.000 You know, they want to see one other guy.

00:32:14.000 Some scary fairy, something.

00:32:16.000 Scary Fairy?

00:32:18.000 Is that what you're going with me?

00:32:19.000 Perry.

00:32:20.000 Shh.

00:32:21.000 Perry.

00:32:22.000 Perry.

00:32:22.000 I'm stone.

00:32:23.000 Perry.

00:32:23.000 Oh, okay.

00:32:23.000 Sorry.

00:32:24.000 Stone Fury.

00:32:26.000 Stone Fury is the character in the film.

00:32:28.000 I'm Stone.

00:32:29.000 Thank you.

00:32:29.000 Anyway, Perry.

00:32:33.000 That's it, folks.

00:32:34.000 That's Vacation Week.

00:32:35.000 We'll be back on Monday with a big surprise.

00:32:38.000 We also will be live streaming the free speech rally on Saturday.

00:32:43.000 Look, Trump's Amikolo Boltro.

00:32:46.000 Yeah, we're going to live stream it.

00:32:48.000 All we need is a phone.

00:32:49.000 I was very impressed with the technology, how simple it is.

00:32:51.000 I thought, don't we need a truck with a satellite on the roof?

00:32:53.000 No, just a phone.

00:32:55.000 And we'll be broadcasting my speech, the other speeches there.

00:32:58.000 I assume Antifa is going to attack us because why again?

00:33:02.000 Like, what's the justification for attacking us?

00:33:05.000 We don't go to your things.

00:33:06.000 Why are they coming to our things?

00:33:08.000 We're having a free speech rally with a bunch of speeches.

00:33:11.000 That's it.

00:33:12.000 We're not there to lynch anyone. 0.97

00:33:14.000 We're not there to beat up gays.

00:33:15.000 We're not going to be pushing people in wheelchairs off cliffs. 0.96

00:33:18.000 So why are you coming?

00:33:20.000 I'll tell you why they're coming because they're violent terrorists who are against open discussions, who are against free speech, because they hate America.

00:33:32.000 No borders, no walls, no USA at all is their agenda. 0.56

00:33:36.000 And it's funny that they're coming to attack us because they're proving exactly what we're there to say.

00:33:42.000 That this group, the alt left, has lost their minds and they are trying to sabotage not just America, but the West in general.

00:33:52.000 So we'll be live streaming that on Saturday.

00:33:55.000 We've got the, I assume the Michelle Monk and Dr. Michael Eric Dyson free speech episode is up.

00:34:03.000 History of Punk should be up soon.

00:34:05.000 Happy July 4th.

00:34:06.000 And after all that content, I will see you Monday back at the normal studio with our incredibly exciting surprise.

00:34:15.000 So get fired.

00:34:18.000 Get in trouble.

00:34:19.000 Be brave.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 04, 2019

S02E32 - WINDY CITY HEAT

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Summary

Transcript