Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 02, 2019


S02E67 - KNOW YOUR MEME


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 8 minutes

Words per minute

160.36363

Word count

11,025

Sentence count

1,215

Harmful content

Misogyny

78

sentences flagged

Hate speech

105

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin McInnes talks about his life growing up in the Bronx, how he got into the mob, and why he thinks Ralph Eme is a douchebag. Also, he talks about how he almost got killed.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness Gavin McGinnis still seems to have some Guinness in it.
00:00:42.000 I went through that with the sound guy 80 times.
00:00:45.000 Oh, the intro thing.
00:00:47.000 Gavin McGinnis.
00:00:49.000 Yeah, it is a G. It's like McGinnis.
00:00:52.000 McGuinness.
00:00:53.000 Do you want to hear it again?
00:00:55.000 Yeah, it's McInnes for literally 760,000th time.
00:01:03.000 Okay.
00:01:05.000 Am I?
00:01:10.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
00:01:19.000 No, it's let's see.
00:01:21.000 I'm being a dick.
00:01:22.000 I'm just being a dick.
00:01:24.000 I'm being a dick to use.
00:01:26.000 Yo, I was being a dick to use.
00:01:28.000 Yeah.
00:01:29.000 So I says to the guy, can you straighten that monitor?
00:01:32.000 It's going to drive me bananas.
00:01:33.000 Met a fucking sketchy dude the other day.
00:01:39.000 No, now it's all fucked up the other way.
00:01:44.000 No, no, that's...
00:01:47.000 Yeah.
00:01:48.000 Yeah.
00:01:51.000 I met a bad guy from the South Bronx.
00:01:55.000 You know, the kind of guy kind of like a killer dude.
00:01:58.000 And he's like Just let me know.
00:02:04.000 And then I told other dudes, and they're like, holy fuck, you met him.
00:02:08.000 I'll make up a name.
00:02:09.000 You met Mickey DeSalvo.
00:02:11.000 Fuck.
00:02:12.000 That's a good fake name.
00:02:13.000 That's a good friend to have, my friend.
00:02:16.000 And then I'm just like, what do I do with it?
00:02:18.000 Call in a favor.
00:02:19.000 You go kill some jerks. 0.99
00:02:22.000 Ask him for really mundane stuff.
00:02:24.000 Well, like, what do I, I don't want anyone killed.
00:02:26.000 Unlike the left, I don't want my enemies eviscerated.
00:02:29.000 But, uh...
00:02:34.000 But, I don't know.
00:02:37.000 You got to be kind of a younger man to care about that.
00:02:39.000 Maybe ask them if you could just go on a walk with them and hear some stories.
00:02:43.000 Yeah.
00:02:44.000 Well, that's the other problem.
00:02:45.000 They don't want to be guests on the show.
00:02:46.000 So I go, eh, the only thing I really want out of people like that is their stories.
00:02:52.000 But the ones that I want it the most out of, Vietnam vets, guys from Hell's Kitchen, Westies-related stuff, and guys, Italians who broke a few heads, cracked a few skulls. 1.00
00:03:03.000 They're never like, yeah, I'd love to talk.
00:03:05.000 Okay.
00:03:06.000 That's how you know Coco or T's is full of shit.
00:03:09.000 When he's like, yeah, let's get into it.
00:03:10.000 Joey Diaz.
00:03:10.000 I like it.
00:03:11.000 Joey Diaz.
00:03:14.000 Hey, Mr. Gavin, I heard that you're a gentleman, but if I ever hear you talking shit about Ralph Eme again, we're going to have a problem.
00:03:23.000 I'm making this announcement on Twitter because that's what wise guys do.
00:03:28.000 They like to leave a paper trail when they fucking threaten to kill someone.
00:03:33.000 I got these blue stars of death.
00:03:35.000 They're fucking phenomenal, cocksucker. 1.00
00:03:38.000 Fucking, you gotta fuck the Irish chicks. 1.00
00:03:41.000 Their pussies are so wet. 0.65
00:03:42.000 They got the freckles and shit.
00:03:45.000 They got the little hairs on the monkey.
00:03:47.000 The little red hairs on the monkey.
00:03:48.000 He says monkey for pussy.
00:03:50.000 Oh, yeah?
00:03:50.000 They got the little hairs on the monkey.
00:03:53.000 Little blue stars of death.
00:03:54.000 They're tremendous.
00:03:56.000 It's people with Bronx accents, Brooklyn accents, New York accents going to LA.
00:04:01.000 And everyone goes, ooh, are you in the mob?
00:04:03.000 And after 17 times going, no, no, no, it's just my accent.
00:04:07.000 I used to work in construction.
00:04:09.000 Then you see their faces go, it's sort of like Patrick Pat Dixon.
00:04:16.000 He goes, every time I meet people, they go, what's your name?
00:04:19.000 Pat.
00:04:20.000 Matt?
00:04:21.000 And then he can tell they want it to be Matt because no one likes to have a friend named Pat.
00:04:25.000 And they go, and then he'll say, no, Pat.
00:04:27.000 And then he goes, I can see the disappointment in their face where they sort of go, this friendship won't be going anywhere.
00:04:35.000 So after seeing the disappointment in a million LA people's faces, eventually he goes, a little bit.
00:04:42.000 They'd be like, I used to know some guys who knew some guys.
00:04:46.000 And they go, oh, now you're interesting.
00:04:49.000 And then he's like, actually, I was the guy.
00:04:51.000 Fuck.
00:04:53.000 I used to tweet guys that I was going to kill before I would kill them.
00:04:56.000 That was my calling card.
00:04:58.000 Yeah, I'd say, don't make fun of Ralphie May, the fucking wildly obese drug addict.
00:05:04.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:05:06.000 We don't want to kill it.
00:05:07.000 Oh, shit.
00:05:08.000 I just did it.
00:05:09.000 I just unleashed the hounds.
00:05:11.000 Who let the Diaz out? 0.88
00:05:13.000 Who?
00:05:14.000 Who?
00:05:16.000 I like him a lot.
00:05:17.000 I think he's great.
00:05:19.000 He's another fucking fake mobster bullshit dude.
00:05:22.000 He's funny.
00:05:23.000 They're all over New York, and they are especially prevalent in New Yorkers who go to L.A. That's what.
00:05:29.000 And I got a buddy there, a cop, who did the night shift his whole life.
00:05:34.000 And he never really talked to people that much because he was just with his partner.
00:05:39.000 And he did way more than he had to, something like 30 years.
00:05:43.000 And now he's in L.A. And people are like, I'm sorry.
00:05:46.000 I don't understand you.
00:05:48.000 And I'm wondering how long it's going to take him before he becomes a caricature of the New York guy.
00:05:54.000 I mean, they keep, it's like mulattoes, right?
00:05:57.000 If you're half black and you go, hi, I'm Jordan Peele.
00:06:01.000 I'm Kian Peele.
00:06:03.000 Jordan Peele?
00:06:03.000 Who's the guy?
00:06:04.000 The guy did get out.
00:06:06.000 Hi, I'm Get Out.
00:06:08.000 I went to school in the Upper West Side and I was raised by my white mom, just like pretty much every famous black person you've ever heard of.
00:06:15.000 And white people go, it's like St. Pat.
00:06:19.000 And they go, really?
00:06:20.000 You're not a black militant?
00:06:23.000 I can be.
00:06:24.000 I went to a nerdy school where we had plants on the roof and we grew Jardanias, they're called.
00:06:30.000 It's a cross between a Jardania and a Jardanio.
00:06:33.000 Oh, I'm kind of needing, I'm looking for a black militant friend.
00:06:37.000 What the fuck you say, motherfucker?
00:06:39.000 Black power! 0.85
00:06:41.000 And now he's all about.
00:06:43.000 I would never cast a white man in a movie. 0.86
00:06:45.000 That's not how I roll.
00:06:47.000 I did a movie, Get Out.
00:06:49.000 It's about how white people are crazy.
00:06:51.000 You better hide your kids, hide your wife. 1.00
00:06:53.000 White people are going to kill you and take your body. 1.00
00:06:57.000 Have you seen the new one?
00:06:58.000 No.
00:06:59.000 Oh, you know what's good?
00:07:00.000 Ma.
00:07:01.000 That's pretty good.
00:07:02.000 Yeah, it's like there's a duplicate family and their murderers.
00:07:06.000 No, no, that one I haven't seen, but there's one called Ma.
00:07:08.000 Oh, there's a new one.
00:07:10.000 It's like a black woman. 1.00
00:07:11.000 Boy, he's really churning them out.
00:07:13.000 It was pretty good.
00:07:14.000 You ever seen this?
00:07:14.000 It was this one.
00:07:16.000 Oh, that's the one who took a shit in a pie in that other movie. 0.99
00:07:20.000 Yeah, she does some weird stuff in this one, too.
00:07:22.000 But it's good.
00:07:23.000 Okay.
00:07:24.000 It's good.
00:07:24.000 Character study.
00:07:26.000 Well, it's done by a white guy, so it probably is good. 0.99
00:07:29.000 Jordan Peel.
00:07:31.000 White power. 0.98
00:07:33.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:35.000 I love white movies.
00:07:36.000 You know, movies by white people.
00:07:38.000 And I like white music too, like Tom Morello.
00:07:41.000 Yeah.
00:07:42.000 I like Rage Against the Machine.
00:07:43.000 You know, that white guy, Tom Morello?
00:07:45.000 Oh, God, Tom Morello.
00:07:46.000 My favorite white president was probably Barack Obama.
00:07:49.000 Pretty white.
00:07:50.000 That was Chong the Nomad doing the intro song, fun nomadic Asian who is basically from Seattle. 1.00
00:07:59.000 Make America.
00:07:59.000 What did he say?
00:08:00.000 What's his word?
00:08:01.000 Make rage again.
00:08:02.000 Oh, shit.
00:08:03.000 Like the machine.
00:08:05.000 When did it rage, Tom?
00:08:07.000 Probably like 90s.
00:08:09.000 Does he mean the 80s when everyone hated Reagan?
00:08:11.000 Because, yeah, that's what we want too.
00:08:13.000 We're on the same page.
00:08:14.000 Do you mean rage like the American Revolution when they kicked out the English?
00:08:18.000 Yeah, we're pro-Brexit.
00:08:20.000 What are you talking about, dude?
00:08:22.000 Fuck Trump.
00:08:23.000 Yeah.
00:08:23.000 You're your badass.
00:08:25.000 I took lacrosse at Libertyville High School.
00:08:28.000 Yeah.
00:08:30.000 Anyway.
00:08:32.000 I sent you a late story, Ryan.
00:08:36.000 So sometimes the first stories are the newest ones.
00:08:40.000 It's the Syrian. 0.95
00:08:41.000 Syrian immigrant.
00:08:43.000 So remember this thing that happened where these Antifa kids, I think it was in Hamilton, Ontario, were screaming at some old lady?
00:08:51.000 Well, it turns out that they're Syrian immigrants.
00:08:54.000 Like the girl who's cut out a frame in that picture, her and her brother there, or whatever relationship she is, they're both Syrians.
00:09:01.000 They work at their parents' Syrian restaurant.
00:09:06.000 So refugees are welcome here.
00:09:08.000 Welcome to come and scream obscenities at our elderly.
00:09:13.000 They're not sending their best, as Trump said.
00:09:17.000 How about a thank you when you come from a disgusting shithole like Syria? 1.00
00:09:21.000 Let's just play the video of that.
00:09:23.000 Because the girl, again, I think her, the girl screaming, her last name is Sufa also.
00:09:29.000 So they must be related.
00:09:34.000 Nazi scum off our streets.
00:09:36.000 Even if that woman was a Nazi, leave her alone. 1.00
00:09:39.000 She could be like a Holocaust-denying white supremacist. 1.00
00:09:43.000 Whatever, lady. 0.99
00:09:44.000 Whatever floats your boat, you're fucking 90.
00:09:48.000 Oh, speaking of 90, Bernie Sanders is, what, 78 years old?
00:09:54.000 That's too old.
00:09:57.000 Did you see my dad come on the show the other day?
00:09:59.000 He couldn't understand what a camera was.
00:10:01.000 He just thought like a giant black robotic insect was trying to kill me.
00:10:06.000 He's 74.
00:10:08.000 My dad in four years, you should see my dad nude.
00:10:12.000 It looks like something out of that disgusting art display Bodies, where the Chinese just took their worst prisoners and cut them open and left them on logs and said, hey, look at the human body. 1.00
00:10:24.000 Isn't it cool?
00:10:25.000 We chopped up a bunch and then put polyurethane on them.
00:10:29.000 And you go, why are they all Chinese? 1.00
00:10:31.000 Isn't that the place where there's zero human rights?
00:10:34.000 I'm all of a sudden super uncomfortable with this whole thing.
00:10:38.000 Oh my God, I've turned into Jiminy Glick.
00:10:42.000 Super uncomfortable.
00:10:43.000 I'm all of a sudden super uncomfortable.
00:10:46.000 So tell me where you get the bodies from.
00:10:50.000 Because I do see a lot of bodies.
00:10:52.000 I can't do it very well.
00:10:53.000 It's basically my Bill Schultz impression.
00:10:55.000 I don't know why you can't do it.
00:10:56.000 Because Bill Schultz and Jiminy Glick are the exact same person and have never been seen together in the same room.
00:11:05.000 Nate Ober saw our show last night.
00:11:08.000 Yeah.
00:11:08.000 And he was thrilled.
00:11:10.000 Yeah, this goes better than you having 9 million tabs open.
00:11:13.000 Although I guess you do.
00:11:14.000 You didn't listen to me.
00:11:15.000 Well, I have a couple.
00:11:16.000 I just got a couple.
00:11:17.000 These are all built, like real time.
00:11:19.000 I pulled up Joey Diaz, pulled up Jordan Peel.
00:11:20.000 Pull up Nate Ober watching yesterday's show.
00:11:23.000 I think we've got to start.
00:11:24.000 Our next goal is amassing a whack back. 0.99
00:11:26.000 I love having Kathy Zhu and Mike Cernovich and Paul Joseph Watson, Steven Crowder, even Joe Biggs and people on the network.
00:11:33.000 I love having them on the show, but I don't know.
00:11:36.000 It's like me going, hey man, you rock.
00:11:39.000 And them going, thanks.
00:11:40.000 And us both saying, yeah, this is fucked up.
00:11:43.000 Man, Tifa sucks. 0.99
00:11:44.000 Yeah, I agree.
00:11:45.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:11:46.000 I'm going through an existential crisis where I'm not sure it adds to the show to have people I agree with on the show that I love and admire, like Jack Bisobic, fucking awesome guy.
00:11:55.000 But we both agree on things.
00:11:56.000 Wouldn't it just be more expeditious for me to say, Jack discovered this, and then just tell you?
00:12:03.000 But we do benefit from more wacky-packy types.
00:12:07.000 And I know of a guy near our studio, we'll call him Larry, that we have to start getting.
00:12:12.000 Maybe we can get him to come into the studio.
00:12:15.000 And then, of course, there's this guy.
00:12:17.000 Who we should make a regular guest.
00:12:19.000 I'm going to buy you a bald cap and those glasses.
00:12:23.000 Okay.
00:12:24.000 We have access to markers already.
00:12:26.000 And I'd be expected to do a Nate Ober type of thing.
00:12:29.000 No, Ryan.
00:12:30.000 I would buy you a Nate Ober costume, and you'd be expected to do Jiminy Glick.
00:12:35.000 That doesn't make sense.
00:12:37.000 Let's watch Nate watching us.
00:12:39.000 This is meta.
00:12:40.000 There is nothing you can do.
00:12:42.000 Is this us?
00:12:43.000 Watching you, watching me.
00:12:45.000 This is us watching him, watching us.
00:12:48.000 Talking about him, watching him.
00:12:51.000 That is a five minutes off.
00:12:55.000 No, it's not.
00:12:56.000 It's like a four hours off.
00:12:58.000 You're right.
00:12:58.000 Right.
00:12:59.000 Wait, what's he talking about?
00:12:59.000 Well, let's not.
00:13:01.000 The tundra.
00:13:03.000 The tundra thing.
00:13:04.000 Five minutes.
00:13:06.000 An hour and a half is totally fine.
00:13:09.000 $24 an hour.
00:13:13.000 Wait a second.
00:13:14.000 He's on here.
00:13:18.000 He's supposed to be on your side.
00:13:20.000 Well, I didn't watch this end, but I watched it.
00:13:22.000 I also want to watch Nate Oltz.
00:13:23.000 So He must have subscribed.
00:13:24.000 Oh, yeah, he's been subscribed.
00:13:26.000 Does that mean we have his credit card info?
00:13:26.000 Wait a minute.
00:13:28.000 We can go to his trailer.
00:13:30.000 He sent way too much information about himself.
00:13:32.000 Oh, yeah, he did.
00:13:33.000 He sent me an email.
00:13:34.000 He goes, I have an open blog.
00:13:37.000 So basically, my neighbor's dog attacked him three times, so I tried to kill him.
00:13:43.000 The dog.
00:13:44.000 And then I'm the bad guy.
00:13:47.000 And then the stupid DJ bitch has like four years of me pinging her on Facebook, so that counts as stalking. 1.00
00:13:55.000 And then lots of stalking, which I think I guessed, didn't I?
00:14:00.000 No, you heard him talk about it vaguely in another video.
00:14:05.000 Because he was talking about he has probation for not stalking, but it's like he was trying to get back at his club, blah, blah.
00:14:11.000 I feel like I may have predicted that at a different time.
00:14:14.000 But speaking of predictions, if you recall, on this show, I made a formal announcement.
00:14:20.000 I also think I did it on Crowder or maybe Glenn Beck's show, but I predicted that Martin Luther King would be the next victim of cancel culture. 0.71
00:14:30.000 He would be the next one to go down.
00:14:32.000 I believe I missed the mark by a fucking pube.
00:14:35.000 And this is the problem with playing darts with history.
00:14:38.000 You shoot it at MLK and it just veers the tiniest bit.
00:14:44.000 So MLK is not the next person to be accused of racism.
00:14:48.000 MLK issued identity politics and modern politics is all about identity politics.
00:14:54.000 So I said he's going to be the next one.
00:14:57.000 Canceled?
00:14:58.000 It's Gandhi.
00:15:02.000 Paca was so close.
00:15:04.000 It's not too late.
00:15:07.000 So this article on my new favorite site, Summit.news, talks about Martin Luther King going to visit Gandhi and all the wonderful things Gandhi did.
00:15:16.000 However, when he was a fucking teenager, he said there should, excuse me, there should be the predominating race.
00:15:25.000 He also said black people are troublesome, very dirty, and live like animals.
00:15:31.000 This is a 1920-year-old.
00:15:33.000 This is when he's in college.
00:15:36.000 He then went on to change the world and was eventually killed by Hindu nationalists that didn't like the fact that he was too tolerant of other religions.
00:15:46.000 He went to wars, war after war.
00:15:48.000 He was in the Boer War, where he would pick up armed soldiers with no artillery himself, no guns himself, and carry them to the medics.
00:15:58.000 Him and his troops were unarmed medics, constantly getting people off the battlefield.
00:16:06.000 But no.
00:16:07.000 So, Gandhi was a racist in his life, says biographer Ramachandra Guwa.
00:16:14.000 Gandhi is an object of intense debate.
00:16:16.000 A biographer reflects on the Indian leader world Gandhi, sorry.
00:16:20.000 Gandhi, as a young man, went with the ideas of his culture and his time.
00:16:25.000 He thought in his 20s that Europeans are the most civilized, Indians were almost as civilized, and Africans were uncivilized. 1.00
00:16:33.000 Gua61 in an interview told the NPR.
00:16:36.000 However, oh, but we don't do howevers anymore.
00:16:40.000 Now he's the Nazi. 0.69
00:16:42.000 Gandhi, you're looking at the biggest racist in history.
00:16:46.000 That's Hitler right now. 0.88
00:16:47.000 Bald Hitler, we now call him. 0.90
00:16:48.000 We call him Bald Hitler in a burlap sack. 0.95
00:16:52.000 Bald Hitler in a shawl. 0.87
00:16:54.000 However, he outgrew his racism quite decisively and for the vast majority of his life as a public figure.
00:17:02.000 He was an anti-racist, talking for an end to discrimination of all kinds.
00:17:08.000 Too bad.
00:17:10.000 Too late.
00:17:11.000 His mustache is basically just three Hitler mustaches lined up next to each other. 0.70
00:17:15.000 Yeah, two small ones on either side and a big one in the middle.
00:17:19.000 But you know what we have to do is just play the last game.
00:17:22.000 Okay, so yes, let's cancel Gandhi because he's their guy anyway, even though he's pro-gun.
00:17:28.000 But just like I was doing with Tom Morello and pointing out that he grew up totally white, let's do that with their heroes. 0.81
00:17:33.000 Let's play dirty.
00:17:35.000 Let's get into rules for radicals.
00:17:36.000 So when they have a Shea Guevara shirt on, we point out that Shea Guevara assassinated gays like popcorn. 0.76
00:17:46.000 And he loved it.
00:17:47.000 He loved shooting them in the head.
00:17:49.000 He loved murdering gays. 1.00
00:17:51.000 This is post-revolution.
00:17:52.000 Not when he's a little kid like Gandhi.
00:17:54.000 Not when he's a brainwashed college student.
00:17:56.000 This is after he's liberated Cuba.
00:17:58.000 He loved killing Nazis, killing gays. 0.95
00:18:01.000 He hated blacks much later in his life.
00:18:04.000 I don't really give a shit.
00:18:06.000 He's dead.
00:18:06.000 But if they want to put all their eggs in these stupid baskets, let's step on their eggs.
00:18:13.000 Speaking of jokes about MLK, this teacher, this is way down the line now, my friend.
00:18:22.000 What was her name?
00:18:23.000 Did I say teacher?
00:18:24.000 Amber Geiger.
00:18:26.000 That's one of the worst names I've ever heard.
00:18:26.000 Geiger?
00:18:29.000 G-U-I-G-E-R. 1.00
00:18:31.000 So this woman, and I'm going to reserve judgment on this, but this woman came home and there was, all these apartments look exactly the same.
00:18:39.000 And sometimes you come home and the floors are difficult to distinguish, right?
00:18:44.000 You get on and she just moved there, I guess.
00:18:47.000 And she went into the wrong apartment.
00:18:49.000 It looked like her apartment.
00:18:50.000 And she saw a guy sitting there eating ice cream.
00:18:53.000 She freaked out and blew his head off. 0.99
00:18:55.000 He was black.
00:18:58.000 The fact that he's black should be irrelevant. 1.00
00:19:00.000 I'm going to have to go against the cop on this one, I'm afraid.
00:19:04.000 Like if you say, get down, get down, or something, he says, fuck you, and lunges at you, you might have a point.
00:19:10.000 But someone walked into his home with a gun.
00:19:14.000 So she's in the wrong.
00:19:16.000 I'm sorry I reserve judgment.
00:19:18.000 But so she's going to jail for a long time. 1.00
00:19:21.000 They're trying to figure out her sentence now, right?
00:19:24.000 And I'm not sure what it is.
00:19:26.000 But here's what's irritating.
00:19:27.000 Now, I couldn't open this because I'm too cheap to buy the Washington Post.
00:19:31.000 But maybe you can do it.
00:19:33.000 Look, I sent you Google this.
00:19:35.000 See that purple type?
00:19:36.000 Put that into Safari or whatever.
00:19:39.000 Oh, here you go.
00:19:40.000 Oh, no.
00:19:41.000 Looks like you're screwed, dude.
00:19:42.000 We're out of free things.
00:19:45.000 But the headline, just show them anyway.
00:19:47.000 Fuck it.
00:19:48.000 I'm not giving you my money, Jeff Bezos.
00:19:51.000 Not racist, but woman who killed innocent black man was making offensive jokes about MLK right before. 1.00
00:20:00.000 No, before she shot him.
00:20:02.000 How's that for a loaded headline?
00:20:04.000 Before she shot him.
00:20:07.000 Not racist, but.
00:20:08.000 Oh, damn it.
00:20:09.000 So I've seen this headline in other forms, and they add the word before, like she went, MLK is a fag. 0.75
00:20:17.000 And then went over and shot this black dude.
00:20:19.000 Look at this guy eating ice cream.
00:20:20.000 Bye-bye.
00:20:22.000 That's the tone they have.
00:20:24.000 Now, this sort of supports my whole thing about female cops. 1.00
00:20:28.000 They're too triggered happy.
00:20:31.000 They're not good at their jobs.
00:20:32.000 Sorry, folks.
00:20:33.000 I'm pro-cop.
00:20:33.000 I love cops.
00:20:35.000 I don't think females belong on the streets. 1.00
00:20:37.000 Maybe in an administrative thing.
00:20:41.000 But like running around with guns, telling people to get down, it rarely seems to go well.
00:20:45.000 Outside of maybe domestics.
00:20:47.000 Anyway.
00:20:49.000 Yes, she did make an MLJ, MLK joke before she killed that man, like months before. 0.99
00:20:58.000 It was not the same day.
00:21:00.000 She was at the MLK parade.
00:21:02.000 It was going on and on and on.
00:21:05.000 And it's probably hot.
00:21:06.000 I don't know.
00:21:06.000 They're wearing the uniform.
00:21:07.000 They don't want to be there anymore.
00:21:09.000 Maybe she was called in.
00:21:11.000 And she texted privately her friend and said, how long is this thing going on?
00:21:22.000 And then, no, her friend texted her that.
00:21:24.000 How long is this thing going on?
00:21:25.000 And she texted back.
00:21:26.000 I was going to say until MLK died, but wait.
00:21:30.000 That's not even like that insulting.
00:21:32.000 I bet if MLK heard that, he would have said, that's not that funny.
00:21:36.000 You're mocking me at my parade.
00:21:41.000 But it's not offensive either.
00:21:43.000 It's like a two out of ten on the joke scale.
00:21:46.000 Not very funny indeed.
00:21:49.000 I don't think you should be pilloried for it.
00:21:51.000 It should not affect your trial.
00:21:54.000 But as far as jokes go, profoundly mediocre.
00:21:59.000 However, that is the kind of joke you would expect from a back and forth with your friend on a text.
00:22:06.000 I am not offended.
00:22:08.000 Feel free to proceed about your day.
00:22:10.000 I will not come back as a ghost and spook you for that one.
00:22:15.000 You shot a man who had a cream and ice cream.
00:22:22.000 A cream that one day flavors will be judged.
00:22:27.000 Not how they rest on the palate, but how much the container was.
00:22:32.000 That's just Don Pardo now.
00:22:34.000 Whoops.
00:22:35.000 Actually, Don Pardo was born shortly after Martin Luther King died.
00:22:39.000 And they both brought joy to our hearts.
00:22:40.000 Uh-oh, we're making Martin Luther King jokes.
00:22:43.000 Are we going to get arrested?
00:22:43.000 Oh, fuck.
00:22:45.000 So, yeah, it was a silly text, but they subpoenaed her phone.
00:22:49.000 She deleted the text, but they found it because they can go back in time.
00:22:52.000 And they found that.
00:22:53.000 And now the narrative is that she's this racist cop mocking Martin Luther King, fuck off. 0.99
00:22:58.000 And then she goes and like, well, you dirty an ice cream. 1.00
00:23:03.000 Now, the reason I bring this up is because the war on comedy is a favorite subject on the show, but also if you prevent cops from joking, like about that guy's, the back of that guy's head, which looks like a weird worm with a boner, then you get them killed.
00:23:26.000 Now, obviously, this is a tragedy.
00:23:28.000 This woman has to pay the price for being too trigger happy. 1.00
00:23:32.000 I don't think it's racist.
00:23:34.000 And the MLK joke's totally relevant, but the Warland jokes are relevant.
00:23:38.000 And when cops can't joke around, this shit builds up like a pressure cooker.
00:23:42.000 You're letting people in New York pour water on these fuckers like they're garbage.
00:23:46.000 Now that's moved up to milk.
00:23:48.000 Now we have a cop in the Bronx who was shot wrestling with a gangbanger because you've turned cops into human garbage and everyone wants them dead now.
00:23:57.000 You know what I was told?
00:23:58.000 I'm not sure I mentioned this in the other show, but my cop buddies told me there was people celebrating in the South Bronx after that guy was shot.
00:24:06.000 That's the culture you create when you vilify cops for making jokes and freak out with this stupid, irrelevant MLK comment.
00:24:16.000 It was not racist.
00:24:19.000 But speaking of jokes, I thought this was interesting.
00:24:24.000 So Todd Phillips.
00:24:26.000 Now, why do I picture Todd Phillips nude as a pervert?
00:24:30.000 Can you look that up?
00:24:32.000 Excuse me, Tom.
00:24:33.000 Oh, because he was in old school as a naked pervert.
00:24:37.000 Yeah.
00:24:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:43.000 That's what it is.
00:24:44.000 He did old school, which was fucking hilarious.
00:24:47.000 It was almost Animal House.
00:24:49.000 Yeah, there.
00:24:50.000 He played a pervert in the movie.
00:24:51.000 I'm here for the Gangbang.
00:24:52.000 What a sleazy-looking person.
00:24:54.000 Like, he couldn't be sleazier-looking.
00:24:56.000 I think he recognizes that.
00:24:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:58.000 He's like, I got to lean into this one.
00:24:59.000 In fact, I've seen the guy's demeanor, and I think he sort of looked in the mirror and went, all right, I'm known as a huge, I look like a fucking giant creep.
00:25:07.000 Some girls are turned on by that. 1.00
00:25:08.000 I'm just going to go for that demographic.
00:25:10.000 The girls who like creeps. 1.00
00:25:14.000 But yeah, he did a bunch of great movies.
00:25:16.000 He did the hangover.
00:25:17.000 But his first film was a documentary about Gigi Allen.
00:25:24.000 What's more get off my lawn than Gigi Allen, in fact? 0.96
00:25:28.000 Oh, you have a belt buckle that he didn't want.
00:25:31.000 And now somebody else wants it, so I'm going to send it to them.
00:25:34.000 Look at that.
00:25:35.000 This is Todd Phillips' first movie.
00:25:36.000 Have you got anything of that?
00:25:39.000 I think it's called Hated.
00:25:40.000 Hated, yep.
00:25:41.000 That's what it looks like.
00:25:42.000 Gigi Allen was a disgusting, horrible human being, the tiny dick who would play shows nude and throw feces at the audience. 1.00
00:25:49.000 And he kept talking about how this show is going to be his last show when he dies.
00:25:53.000 But he's still fascinating.
00:25:55.000 I mean, I don't want to listen to his hit song Anal Cunt anytime soon.
00:25:59.000 But This song, this movie ruled.
00:26:02.000 This was Todd Phillips' first film.
00:26:03.000 What year was this?
00:26:07.000 Doesn't it?
00:26:08.000 It says hated Gigi Allen and the Murder Junkies, 1993.
00:26:11.000 Huh.
00:26:12.000 So I think he was already dead.
00:26:14.000 Yeah.
00:26:15.000 Yeah, that's what it's going to do.
00:26:16.000 Play some of it, though.
00:26:17.000 The imagery is cool.
00:26:18.000 90s New York was pretty darn close to 80s New York, which is aesthetically the greatest time in history.
00:26:26.000 Not the best time to live in New York, but the best time to look at New York.
00:26:31.000 It was then that I met Merle, Gigi's brother and bass player, and told him of my idea to do a documentary on Gigi.
00:26:37.000 He got me in touch with Gigi, who by now had completed two years of his sentence and was on parole in Michigan.
00:26:42.000 He liked the idea and offered to skip parole and head for New York to kick off a U.S. door.
00:26:47.000 I sent him a one-way bus ticket and he arrived the next day.
00:26:56.000 I like seeing Gigi out of character when he's like going to get milk.
00:27:02.000 That's the problem with being a caricature.
00:27:04.000 Like, who's that magician guy, Chris Black, whatever?
00:27:10.000 There's Chris Angel, the minor.
00:27:11.000 Chris Angel.
00:27:12.000 So when Chris Angel has to go get milk from the corner store, and he's just in sweatpants and like a shirt that says, fuck you.
00:27:20.000 Anyway, so that's Todd Phillips' first movie.
00:27:22.000 Really good.
00:27:23.000 He made a bunch of awesome comedies.
00:27:26.000 And then he recently announced, he's just done the new Joker movie.
00:27:30.000 And so he's doing a lot of press.
00:27:31.000 And they go, so you're not a comedy guy anymore?
00:27:34.000 And he goes, yeah, I don't know, man.
00:27:36.000 The jokes just got, you can't make jokes anymore.
00:27:39.000 You can't do comedies.
00:27:40.000 People are too sensitive.
00:27:42.000 And if you want to be funny, then it's not worth it.
00:27:47.000 And you get 30 million people breathing down your throat.
00:27:49.000 And I was running.
00:27:50.000 I was watching Strangers with Candy.
00:27:51.000 I've sort of rebooted that whole series for my daughter.
00:27:55.000 We're bonding over it.
00:27:56.000 I think she's old enough.
00:27:57.000 That's Amy Sederis playing a 46-year-old high school freshman who's getting her life back together.
00:28:03.000 But there was a scene in it.
00:28:05.000 The entire episode is the retard episode. 1.00
00:28:07.000 And the principal is trying to get Jerry to spy on her friend because the principal suspects she might be a retard. 0.99
00:28:15.000 And what you do with retards is you got to get them out of the school because they're violent. 1.00
00:28:18.000 They have the strength of apes.
00:28:20.000 And they're very, very dangerous.
00:28:22.000 But you never know who's a retard because they're very stealth and they're very tricky. 1.00
00:28:26.000 You couldn't make any of these jokes today.
00:28:28.000 So she doesn't want to rat out her friend because her friend's cool.
00:28:32.000 But the principal's making it very hard for her.
00:28:34.000 So the whole episode is about retards. 1.00
00:28:36.000 And they say the word retards, of course.
00:28:38.000 And there's a scene in it where they have an assignment for the weekend.
00:28:41.000 And he goes, okay, guys, I want you to try to do the reading and try to do an essay about the Founding Fathers, but nothing too faggy. 1.00
00:28:52.000 And he writes faggy on the chalkboard. 0.97
00:28:55.000 The teacher does.
00:28:56.000 You can look at any Strangers with Candy Clip.
00:28:58.000 There's one where she goes, when I was young, I was so poor I had no shoes and I would cry and cry.
00:29:05.000 And then I met a man with no feet.
00:29:08.000 And I laughed and laughed and laughed.
00:29:16.000 She's very witty.
00:29:17.000 Wait, you had the right episode.
00:29:18.000 That was the episode.
00:29:20.000 You couldn't.
00:29:20.000 Oh, well.
00:29:21.000 You just showed, yeah.
00:29:22.000 Let me go back here.
00:29:24.000 What is that on?
00:29:25.000 Daily Motion?
00:29:26.000 Well, why am I paying for them?
00:29:26.000 Yep.
00:29:28.000 To be young and gifted.
00:29:32.000 Is it called Retarded?
00:29:34.000 Yep.
00:29:35.000 I doubt that.
00:29:40.000 This is just a clip here.
00:29:41.000 Show the clip.
00:29:41.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:43.000 What was that all about?
00:29:44.000 Mr. Noblet wants me to snitch on a friend.
00:29:47.000 Snitching doesn't seem like you, Jerry.
00:29:49.000 Oh, it's not what you think.
00:29:50.000 I mean, it's really snitching on a real person or anything.
00:29:53.000 Hold Donello. 0.80
00:29:55.000 Retarded. 0.99
00:29:56.000 Yes, most of them are.
00:29:58.000 Most who are what?
00:29:59.000 Most gay people are retarded. 1.00
00:30:00.000 Wait, does that mean Kimberly Timbers is gay?
00:30:03.000 I don't know.
00:30:04.000 Hey, make a pass at her and find out. 1.00
00:30:06.000 She'd have to be retarded to turn you down. 1.00
00:30:11.000 That is steeped in.
00:30:15.000 So that's what Todd Phillips was saying.
00:30:18.000 You couldn't do anything that funny anymore.
00:30:20.000 And that's hilarious.
00:30:21.000 And it's obviously...
00:30:28.000 They're obviously parodying fucking idiots who care about gays and retards and shit like that. 1.00
00:30:34.000 It's obviously pro-retard. 1.00
00:30:36.000 Oh, that's a hate symbol I just did.
00:30:39.000 So Todd of Phillips says that, and then there's all this backlash against him.
00:30:45.000 So Dave Holmes, Dave Holmes now is the editor of Esquire.
00:30:48.000 Esquire is a men's magazine run by homosexuals. 1.00
00:30:51.000 All men's magazines are run by homosexuals, which is weird.
00:30:54.000 Because you think, I'm buying this magazine to learn like a pocket square and how to attract ladies in my James Bond look and what kind of cocktail should I buy?
00:31:02.000 And it's just like homos going, you should wear like short shorts and just fucking go for it, girl. 1.00
00:31:08.000 They're not really experts on picking up chicks. 0.60
00:31:11.000 Homosexuals. 0.98
00:31:12.000 They're experts on hanging with chicks, especially fag hags. 1.00
00:31:17.000 But they're not great at men tips.
00:31:19.000 But all men's magazines are just proudly gay run.
00:31:25.000 All magazines are, actually, when you think about it, except maybe sports.
00:31:29.000 You know those men's health magazines are just legal porn, right?
00:31:32.000 Hmm.
00:31:34.000 Another article on abs.
00:31:36.000 Wow, you have a lot of articles on abs.
00:31:39.000 Greg Gutfeld got a start in men's health.
00:31:41.000 I think he was the only straight one there, and I'm not even sure he's straight.
00:31:45.000 Yeah, lots of guys really want to get their abs to look like that. 0.98
00:31:49.000 Lots of straight guys.
00:31:50.000 All blue shirts on the cover.
00:31:52.000 Isn't that weird?
00:31:53.000 We're just trying to not have this.
00:31:56.000 Yeah, I'm starting to not even mind.
00:32:00.000 You're starting to what?
00:32:02.000 I'm starting to not even mind my lovely little lady lump.
00:32:05.000 You call it a lady lump? 1.00
00:32:07.000 Because it's for the ladies. 0.96
00:32:07.000 Yes. 0.96
00:32:09.000 And it's a lump.
00:32:11.000 God, you're irritating.
00:32:13.000 So check out, what did that guy say?
00:32:16.000 The Esquire editor?
00:32:19.000 Dave Holmes.
00:32:20.000 Say it in a gay accent. 0.97
00:32:22.000 This millionaire filmmaker with the world at his feet has turned his back on comedy because Paging Dr. Faggot no longer Balls them over, but please remember that it is you who is being overly sensitive. 0.99
00:32:37.000 Okay, so first of all, that is one quote from one of Todd Phillips' movies, and that should bowl them over.
00:32:43.000 It doesn't.
00:32:44.000 In fact, pull up the clip that has Paging Dr. Faggot. 1.00
00:32:48.000 It's fucking funny.
00:32:51.000 Check.
00:32:52.000 And don't forget to use it.
00:32:55.000 I can totally tell when you forget your hair just looks thinner.
00:32:59.000 Using of the Rogan.
00:33:02.000 Make sure to call me right when you reach the hotel.
00:33:05.000 Not like the conference.
00:33:06.000 You're already laughing, by the way.
00:33:08.000 Wait two hours for you to call me.
00:33:10.000 Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.
00:33:12.000 I was late to the podium.
00:33:13.000 Still?
00:33:14.000 Yeah, you're totally right.
00:33:15.000 I'm sorry.
00:33:18.000 What is it?
00:33:18.000 The compressor, so you can't get in trouble, right?
00:33:20.000 Yeah.
00:33:20.000 I just hope you're not going to go to the strip club when you're up there.
00:33:23.000 You tricky bastards.
00:33:23.000 We're going to Napa Valley.
00:33:25.000 I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country. 0.98
00:33:29.000 I'm sure if there is one, Phil will sniff it out.
00:33:33.000 This is a great shot, too, for the imminent joke.
00:33:36.000 Besides, you know how I feel about that sort of thing.
00:33:39.000 It's just boys and their bachelor parties.
00:33:39.000 I know, I know.
00:33:42.000 It's gross.
00:33:43.000 You're right.
00:33:43.000 It is gross.
00:33:45.000 Not to mention it's pathetic.
00:33:48.000 Those places are filthy.
00:33:49.000 Yeah.
00:33:51.000 And the worst part is that little girl grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there. 1.00
00:33:58.000 That's somebody's daughter.
00:34:00.000 That's somebody's daughter up there.
00:34:01.000 I was just going to say that.
00:34:02.000 See?
00:34:03.000 I just wish your friends were there.
00:34:04.000 That's how he framed it, too.
00:34:05.000 Pretty armature, actually.
00:34:07.000 You just have to get to know them better.
00:34:08.000 Paging doctor faggot! 1.00
00:34:10.000 *Click*
00:34:13.000 Dr. Fagget! 0.95
00:34:18.000 I should go.
00:34:19.000 That's a good idea, Dr. Faggett.
00:34:23.000 Have a good weekend.
00:34:25.000 I miss you.
00:34:28.000 I hung out with Ed Helms once.
00:34:30.000 Oh, yeah?
00:34:30.000 Yep.
00:34:31.000 Nice.
00:34:31.000 In Zach Alvanakis' apartment.
00:34:33.000 Vanakis. 0.99
00:34:37.000 That was fucking funny.
00:34:39.000 It was well presented, and it was clearly, again, I hate having to say this, a lampoon on immature men.
00:34:46.000 She said, he said, they're actually pretty mature, and they say paging Dr. Faggot. 1.00
00:34:50.000 That's funny.
00:34:52.000 But the takeaway is, if you can't handle all these extra rules in comedy, then you're a pussy and your comedy sucked anyway. 0.99
00:34:59.000 If you don't do woke comedy, then you suck.
00:35:02.000 And the people who say this are never funny.
00:35:05.000 For example, Ron Funches, Funches.
00:35:10.000 He's a black comedian I've never heard of and you likely haven't heard of either, but because he's black, he's at the front of the line on Twitter.
00:35:18.000 And he says, sorry, you were getting away with all this awesome.
00:35:24.000 We live in a society currently where bullies cry.
00:35:27.000 So Todd Phillips was a bully for having a Paging Dr. Faggot joke. 0.96
00:35:31.000 He was a bully for old school and the hangovers.
00:35:35.000 What?
00:35:35.000 Yeah, he meant to hurt people.
00:35:37.000 Yeah.
00:35:37.000 That's like that clip yesterday where what's her name was saying, when you spend your whole life trying to hurt people again and again and again, what do you think is going to happen?
00:35:47.000 Juicy Smollett is going to get abused. 1.00
00:35:49.000 Put the tweet back up.
00:35:53.000 Hey, guess what?
00:35:55.000 If you truly aren't funny anymore, either you lost it or you truly were never that good.
00:36:01.000 Just thank your lucky stars and be grateful for the time you had.
00:36:07.000 So Todd Phillips always sucked and old school and hangover weren't funny.
00:36:12.000 He was just in a society where you could bully people like Dr. Feckett.
00:36:18.000 So I go, let's check out Ronald Funches.
00:36:20.000 You seem to really know what's going on.
00:36:23.000 He's got a special out called The Giggle Factory, which is not on Netflix.
00:36:29.000 He claims it's because Netflix doesn't pay enough.
00:36:33.000 I doubt it, Ron.
00:36:35.000 But anyway, keep going.
00:36:36.000 No, you had the right link.
00:36:37.000 Just go down.
00:36:39.000 Yeah, let's watch his trailer first.
00:36:42.000 Hope there's no commercial first.
00:36:45.000 Seems to be.
00:36:46.000 Let's see.
00:36:47.000 I had heard a lot about this film since it debuted in Sunday.
00:36:52.000 That's popular on IndieWire.
00:36:54.000 I saw his special when I looked at it.
00:36:55.000 Maybe that's another link?
00:36:58.000 No, I didn't send it there.
00:37:00.000 Oh, maybe it's in the links there, yeah.
00:37:02.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.
00:37:03.000 Explain the comedy.
00:37:06.000 Okay, well, what is you try to find it while I do it?
00:37:08.000 Here says watch the trip.
00:37:09.000 You do your job while I do my job.
00:37:12.000 How about that?
00:37:12.000 Why am I sitting here coaching you like I'm trying to teach my six-year-old how to ride a bike?
00:37:17.000 Which I did last weekend, and I highly recommend that.
00:37:19.000 Great bond you develop.
00:37:21.000 Great bond.
00:37:22.000 Great bond, frankly.
00:37:27.000 Recently, it's just one of my favorite activities.
00:37:30.000 Recently, is just like staring at women in winter coats. 0.87
00:37:35.000 What's under that?
00:37:36.000 Oh, I just kind of get high and then mumble into a microphone.
00:37:40.000 Did you know that was a lucrative profession?
00:37:45.000 You might be aware I'm the father of a 15-year-old son named Malcolm who has autism.
00:37:50.000 He speaks mostly like little catchphrases like uh daddy.
00:37:55.000 I'm like, oh, that's the autism talking.
00:37:58.000 Dwayne The Rock Johnson, the Beyonce for boy.
00:38:08.000 I mean, if the rock was hitting on me, if his muscular finger went against the nape of my neck, oh, I mean, I like to think I'm frank, but in this day, you don't have to.
00:38:18.000 So instead of paging Dr. Faggot, you have to become a gay lord and say that if the rock touched your neck, you get a boner. 0.99
00:38:26.000 That's what woke comedy is.
00:38:27.000 Another comment was from a woman who's a very, what's the word I'm looking for? 1.00
00:38:38.000 What do you call it when someone puts out a lot of shit?
00:38:41.000 Lucrative?
00:38:43.000 Productive?
00:38:47.000 Why do I ever ask you anything?
00:38:50.000 Verbose?
00:38:52.000 Opinionated?
00:38:53.000 No.
00:38:54.000 Anyway, this trans woman said, well, go back to her tweet. 1.00
00:38:58.000 What did she say?
00:38:59.000 I'm a woke comedian.
00:39:00.000 And for the second year in a row, I'm either in the finals or the semifinals of my city's funniest person competition.
00:39:07.000 And I just played a festival.
00:39:09.000 So I checked her out.
00:39:10.000 And chick on hiatus culture.
00:39:12.000 She's got a bunch of fucking, like, what is she? 1.00
00:39:16.000 The advocate mag.
00:39:18.000 Yeah, the advocate mag, where you have to be gay to write for it. 1.00
00:39:21.000 So the first priority at a magazine is not, can you write well?
00:39:25.000 It's what kind of sex do you like?
00:39:27.000 Okay, you like the right kind of sex?
00:39:28.000 Now, can you write?
00:39:30.000 So they don't have good writers.
00:39:32.000 Anyway, Amanda Carey's an even worse comedian. 1.00
00:39:36.000 So I checked out her YouTube page where she has, what, two subscribers?
00:39:41.000 Three subscribers.
00:39:42.000 And she's saying, it's not easy.
00:39:43.000 It's not that hard to be successful.
00:39:45.000 I am.
00:39:45.000 Check out my stand-up.
00:39:46.000 It's just a fucking fat nerd with tits. 1.00
00:39:49.000 Guy.
00:39:50.000 This is a man with tits being hilarious and woke.
00:39:56.000 How you guys doing?
00:39:59.000 he's going to win.
00:40:00.000 The theory right now that Donald Trump is not a human being is actually a computer program that randomly generates bigotry.
00:40:11.000 Just a really shitty program.
00:40:16.000 Did you catch that?
00:40:18.000 Yeah.
00:40:18.000 He's a robot.
00:40:19.000 Shitty.
00:40:19.000 He randomly generates bigotry.
00:40:21.000 Yeah.
00:40:21.000 He's not a human being.
00:40:23.000 Ah.
00:40:24.000 That's great.
00:40:25.000 I guess it is easy to do woke comedy.
00:40:27.000 All right.
00:40:27.000 Speaking of comedy, I want to start a new thing on the show where we look at memes because they're pretty much the only place that us non-woke people are allowed to do comedy.
00:40:40.000 And I get sent a lot of stuff that are not memes.
00:40:43.000 And I have a lot of stuff in my meme folders that are not memes.
00:40:46.000 So I just want to parse through it all, find some gems, leave you with the gems.
00:40:50.000 You can screen grab them, of course.
00:40:52.000 And we'll make it a regular thing.
00:40:56.000 Because I have 7,000 and I'm always collecting them.
00:40:59.000 So Ryan, why don't you cut to Chong the Nomad and we'll go look at some memes.
00:41:16.000 What is a meme?
00:41:17.000 Not what is in a meme, but what is a meme?
00:41:20.000 A meme is a picture with a few words.
00:41:23.000 If you have too many words, that's still a meme, but that's a shitty meme.
00:41:26.000 If you took a picture of an amazing tweet, that's a picture of an amazing tweet.
00:41:31.000 A poster is not a meme, and a picture is not a meme.
00:41:35.000 So I want to go through some of my favorite memes with you, but I've scattered in some non-memes so we can differentiate, because there seems to be a pretty gray definition of what a meme is.
00:41:47.000 And also, when we find a meme that's a total winner, I'm going to vanish so you can screen grab it because I do have some doozies.
00:41:54.000 All right, let's start at the top, shall we?
00:41:57.000 This is not a meme.
00:41:58.000 This is a picture that I took because I'm a horny bastard, especially when I'm drunk.
00:42:02.000 And when we shot a Milo and I, one of the girls in the audience was dressed like this. 1.00
00:42:07.000 And all the girls in New York on Friday nights are wearing these now.
00:42:11.000 And they're fucking perfect.
00:42:14.000 Ladies, what are you doing? 1.00
00:42:17.000 Why'd you do that?
00:42:20.000 Ladies, if you go out and have these on two or three nights a week, you will get a man. 1.00
00:42:27.000 I don't care if you're a million pounds.
00:42:29.000 All right, wait for me to say next.
00:42:31.000 Now, next.
00:42:33.000 Imperialism.
00:42:35.000 It's one hell of a drug.
00:42:37.000 Is this a meme?
00:42:38.000 This looks like a poster to me.
00:42:40.000 I mean, it's someone that's co-opted a cool image from some 50s comic book.
00:42:45.000 This is right on the edge of a poster and a meme.
00:42:49.000 And it's also not a joke, per se.
00:42:52.000 You know what?
00:42:52.000 I'm going to say this is a meme, and I'm going to vanish so you can screen grab it.
00:42:56.000 All right, next.
00:43:00.000 This is a meme.
00:43:02.000 It can be two panels, like a comic, but it's not considered a comic.
00:43:08.000 Now, I believe brevity is wit, and that one of the things the left does wrong when they can't meme is they overstate their joke.
00:43:16.000 And this might be that.
00:43:17.000 So what are some of the things that your dad says?
00:43:19.000 I love you.
00:43:19.000 You make me proud.
00:43:20.000 Good job.
00:43:21.000 Never point a gun at a person unless you intend to shoot them.
00:43:23.000 Always practice trigger discipline.
00:43:24.000 Always check a gun when you pick it up to see if it is loaded communist-armed people. 0.63
00:43:28.000 That's pretty funny.
00:43:29.000 I think it would have been better if these kids are black and they didn't say anything like, I don't know, can't wait to meet them. 1.00
00:43:36.000 Who?
00:43:37.000 That would have been funnier.
00:43:39.000 You could use Puerto Ricans too. 0.68
00:43:40.000 Anyone from the Bronx, really.
00:43:43.000 I'm not counting that, though, because though it technically is a meme, it's not a good meme, so I'm not going to vanish.
00:43:49.000 What do you got next?
00:43:52.000 Achievement unlocked full retard. 0.99
00:43:55.000 Yeah, that's, I guess that's a meme.
00:43:57.000 I mean, it is a picture, right?
00:43:59.000 Like, this is a graphic.
00:44:01.000 But yeah, we're counting that as a meme.
00:44:04.000 Take it away.
00:44:05.000 Next.
00:44:08.000 This is not a meme, but it's pretty funny.
00:44:10.000 Anyone else in a poly relationship?
00:44:12.000 This is my family in our Halloween costumes.
00:44:14.000 I went as the NCR Ranger.
00:44:16.000 No idea what the fuck that is.
00:44:17.000 I assume it's a show for kids.
00:44:20.000 A video game.
00:44:21.000 And my wife's boyfriend went as Joshua.
00:44:23.000 Little Bryden was our vault baby.
00:44:25.000 Interested in hearing about your dynamics.
00:44:29.000 Look at his gross shoes.
00:44:31.000 He's wearing like dress shoes and his pants are too big for him.
00:44:34.000 Which one is the cuck?
00:44:35.000 Is this the couple?
00:44:36.000 And then he gets to fuck them whenever he wants?
00:44:40.000 What is this relationship?
00:44:42.000 He's definitely not the husband.
00:44:43.000 Or what if he is the husband?
00:44:45.000 And this is the guy.
00:44:46.000 That's the guy boning your wife. 1.00
00:44:49.000 And that's your baby.
00:44:50.000 But that's the guy that does the boning.
00:44:52.000 You're not happy about it, but whatever.
00:44:54.000 There's no such thing as a polyamorous relationship.
00:44:59.000 If you hear of one, you are seeing a temporary thing that is about to blow up in all of their faces.
00:45:05.000 Seeing a polyamorous relationship, a threesome relationship, is like seeing a person made of ash.
00:45:12.000 You can just go up to that relationship and go, and it'll go, pfft.
00:45:18.000 All right, next.
00:45:21.000 You may consume three beans, but no more.
00:45:23.000 They will know if you consume more.
00:45:25.000 I don't get this.
00:45:26.000 Am I a boomer?
00:45:27.000 You're young, Ryan.
00:45:28.000 Do you get it?
00:45:30.000 I do not.
00:45:30.000 You do not get it.
00:45:32.000 Okay.
00:45:32.000 I'll be asking, I'll be consulting you about a lot of these.
00:45:35.000 I'm going to say, no, that's not a meme.
00:45:38.000 And I'm not a boomer, by the way.
00:45:39.000 I'm Gen X. I hate boomers. 1.00
00:45:43.000 This is not a meme.
00:45:45.000 This is a cartoon, but it's a very good cartoon.
00:45:48.000 So why can the military waste billions on the F-35, but not on trans soldiers? 0.98
00:45:52.000 Because the F-35 kills people, and trans folk don't? 1.00
00:45:55.000 Ha! 0.89
00:45:56.000 Just watch me.
00:45:58.000 And then he's sweating.
00:45:58.000 I love this reaction, too, because that's how we feel about all you trannies and your insane suicide, right?
00:46:04.000 You think we're going, yeah, another one bites the dust.
00:46:08.000 But we're going, oh, Jesus Christ, these people are a mess.
00:46:11.000 All right, next.
00:46:15.000 The man on the right is going to prison for doing what the man on the left is doing.
00:46:19.000 Fair?
00:46:19.000 Definitely not.
00:46:20.000 This is a meme.
00:46:22.000 But, dude, what is this?
00:46:25.000 First of all, what's two commas?
00:46:28.000 And definitely not is superfluous.
00:46:30.000 The man on the right is going to prison for what the man on the left is doing.
00:46:34.000 The end.
00:46:35.000 Circumcise your jokes.
00:46:37.000 I'm not disappearing for this.
00:46:38.000 It's not good enough.
00:46:41.000 This is not a meme.
00:46:43.000 Again, this is for my personal collection, I should add.
00:46:46.000 And a lot of the times I'm just a horny old perv.
00:46:49.000 This was from that thing I was talking about on the other show where no matter how ugly and shitty women try to make themselves, their innate beauty is inescapable. 1.00
00:46:57.000 Like, look, what are these girls talking about, too? 0.73
00:46:59.000 They're probably like Ukrainian feminists or something, bitching about the Catholic Church. 1.00
00:47:04.000 It says poota on her ass, which is like, sounds good to me. 1.00
00:47:07.000 Women don't... 1.00
00:47:15.000 Who told you that that was not anything but streaking?
00:47:20.000 "You're a streaker." And those women don't look... 1.00
00:47:25.000 Muslims in Australia request speech ban at Bondi Beach. 0.80
00:47:28.000 Respect Ramadan, no bikinis. 1.00
00:47:30.000 Aussie's reply with, okay, no problem.
00:47:33.000 Again, we could lose all of this text and just have that.
00:47:38.000 And we get the joke.
00:47:40.000 But yeah, that's a meme.
00:47:41.000 I'm not disappearing for it because when we say the left can't meme, we're making fun of them for making their point too long.
00:47:47.000 So we can't be responsible for that.
00:47:48.000 Next, white men with guns are America's biggest terrorists.
00:47:54.000 Then we have murder and manslaughter rate per 100,000.
00:47:56.000 2016 FBI crime data.
00:47:59.000 White, 1.42.
00:48:01.000 Hispanic, 2.54.
00:48:02.000 Yikes.
00:48:04.000 Black is 12.37 murders per 100,000. 0.80
00:48:10.000 That's not good.
00:48:11.000 All right, next.
00:48:12.000 That's a meme, though, right?
00:48:14.000 Is this one of the original memes?
00:48:16.000 Is this a 100-year-old meme?
00:48:18.000 Origin and development of a suffragette. 0.88
00:48:20.000 At 15, a little pet.
00:48:22.000 At 22, a little coquette.
00:48:24.000 At 40, not married yet.
00:48:25.000 At 50, a suffragette. 1.00
00:48:28.000 And I bet they were grumpy feminist cunts. 1.00
00:48:30.000 In fact, they're kind of the ones that we have problems with today.
00:48:33.000 We should maybe call them suffragettes. 1.00
00:48:35.000 Is it suffragette or suffragette? 1.00
00:48:39.000 I hope you're not asking me.
00:48:41.000 Let's start calling them suffragette. 1.00
00:48:43.000 That's a funny insult, too, because it's kind of a piss tick on ourselves for being old-fashioned.
00:48:48.000 And it also implies that women shouldn't vote and that they especially shouldn't vote. 1.00
00:48:53.000 We got a new insult, folks.
00:48:55.000 All right, next.
00:48:55.000 And I'm not counting that.
00:48:57.000 Come back with a warrant that is an awesome, what do you call those?
00:49:01.000 Patch quilt things?
00:49:03.000 Dove stitching thingamadoodles?
00:49:06.000 I don't know.
00:49:07.000 Macrame?
00:49:08.000 Yes, it's a macrame owl.
00:49:10.000 Good work, Ryan.
00:49:11.000 Thank you for your input.
00:49:13.000 That's not a meme, but it's awesome.
00:49:15.000 And I want it on my front door.
00:49:18.000 Netflix in the background asking if I'm still watching.
00:49:22.000 Me, someone's daughter.
00:49:24.000 Jesus.
00:49:27.000 You know, these women in court who do transcriptions and translations, they're obviously autistic if you're that good and that fast. 0.98
00:49:35.000 So they tend to be a little fucked in the head.
00:49:37.000 That's why she's licking her teak up like that. 1.00
00:49:40.000 But this is possibly a perfect meme.
00:49:43.000 I'm going to vanish for that one and let you guys take that away.
00:49:48.000 Okay, next.
00:49:50.000 I would love to have the strength of that chair and the faith of that dog.
00:49:55.000 Again, erase me.
00:49:57.000 Okay, next.
00:50:00.000 This is also a perfect meme.
00:50:03.000 You successfully make it into Area 51, force open a set of doors, and see this.
00:50:07.000 What's your next move?
00:50:09.000 You know what I think?
00:50:10.000 I think I texted this to Alex Jones and said, you are the most memeable person in the world.
00:50:19.000 God, his punches hurt.
00:50:22.000 Me trying to make a joke that won't offend anyone in 2019.
00:50:25.000 My wife died in a laser accident.
00:50:27.000 What is your problem?
00:50:29.000 So this is amazing because I guess it's on Twitter or something.
00:50:33.000 This is a fantastic meme that's worth disappearing for.
00:50:36.000 And that reaction is fucking awesome.
00:50:38.000 I don't usually like something extra at the end.
00:50:41.000 I always say circumcise your jokes.
00:50:43.000 But this foreskin is delicious. 0.76
00:50:45.000 That's a t-shirt.
00:50:48.000 Again, get me out of here.
00:50:52.000 All right.
00:50:53.000 Although you youngsters might not know, video killed the radio star.
00:50:58.000 Next.
00:51:01.000 Mass shooters 2019.
00:51:03.000 Every person charged with or arrested for shooting four plus people in a single incident.
00:51:08.000 This is a very relevant infographic.
00:51:12.000 It's not a meme.
00:51:13.000 But yeah, look at all the people who did mass shootings.
00:51:17.000 We got white, black, white, black, black, black, black, black, white, black, black, black, white, black, black, black, white, black, non-white, black, white, black, white.
00:51:30.000 In quotation marks, it's a woman. 0.95
00:51:31.000 They don't really count.
00:51:32.000 Black, black, black, black, black, black, black, white, white, white, white, black, black, black.
00:51:37.000 I'm doing this for the benefit of the guys who aren't watching the video.
00:51:41.000 Anyway, you get it.
00:51:42.000 Oh, don't forget the trans shooter. 0.96
00:51:48.000 All right, next.
00:51:50.000 That's a fact.
00:51:50.000 I want that as a poster.
00:51:51.000 Again, Mr. Meme, and get me out of here for this one.
00:51:56.000 Epstein dies, everyone.
00:51:59.000 You know, it was weird about that too?
00:52:01.000 After Epstein died, this is what I thought.
00:52:03.000 I go, good, everyone's on.
00:52:05.000 everyone's on board.
00:52:06.000 Even my wife was saying, You know what?
00:52:07.000 Maybe there is some shit going on.
00:52:09.000 And I was like, Welcome to the club, my dear.
00:52:12.000 And then it kind of fizzled out.
00:52:14.000 It's sort of like when the dentist came to your school when you were 13 and he said, You got a floss, and it's very important.
00:52:19.000 Here's a picture of someone who didn't floss, and they're dead, and they have AIDS and everything. 0.76
00:52:23.000 And you go, I'm going to start flossing.
00:52:24.000 I don't want AIDS.
00:52:25.000 And then you floss like crazy for like three days, and then you brush your teeth twice a day, maybe for another four days, and then you're like, You just go back to once a day in the morning.
00:52:35.000 That's the way it is with Epstein.
00:52:37.000 In other words, we can't convince him.
00:52:38.000 This is not a meme, but it's a hilarious collection of pictures.
00:52:42.000 The Trump baby blimp is the ultimate symbol of Britain's commitment to free speech.
00:52:46.000 And then British police arrest at least 3,395 people for offensive comments online in one year.
00:52:55.000 That should be a bigger focus in British news is all these ridiculous arrests for rude tweets while they let Islam run rampant. 1.00
00:53:02.000 All right, next.
00:53:04.000 Go ahead, call the police.
00:53:06.000 They can't unrape you. 0.99
00:53:07.000 This is highly offensive, and I should disappear for it.
00:53:12.000 Rape jokes can be funny. 1.00
00:53:16.000 Next.
00:53:17.000 Jeffrey Epstein's prison guards calling for an ambulance.
00:53:24.000 Erase me, please.
00:53:27.000 Holy shit, that's gold.
00:53:30.000 By the way, what a bunch of inbred retards. 1.00
00:53:33.000 You make a bunch of money and you get it in cash for some.
00:53:36.000 Like that much cash, that's like half a million dollars.
00:53:39.000 And then you hold it up to your head like it's a phone.
00:53:42.000 Are you five years old?
00:53:43.000 Remember Conor McGregor said that about Floyd Mayweather?
00:53:46.000 He goes, why'd you got a fucking school bag?
00:53:48.000 What's in your bag?
00:53:52.000 Largest man in the world, 1903, American police officer, 2012.
00:53:56.000 Why do police not have to do annual physicals?
00:54:01.000 What is going on with that?
00:54:02.000 That guy cannot catch anyone.
00:54:06.000 Anyone at all.
00:54:07.000 He can't catch my six-year-old son.
00:54:10.000 What if my six-year-old son was in trouble?
00:54:12.000 Oh, wait, go back.
00:54:13.000 We didn't discuss if that's a meme or not.
00:54:15.000 Yeah, that's a meme.
00:54:16.000 Get me out of here.
00:54:18.000 Okay, next.
00:54:20.000 That's not a meme.
00:54:21.000 That's a hilarious picture.
00:54:24.000 There's a great Telegram feed called Fat People Hate.
00:54:28.000 I highly recommend it.
00:54:29.000 A lot of these are stolen from there, and this is one of them.
00:54:34.000 Oh, this is the same as the previous one.
00:54:36.000 Is this a meme, Ryan?
00:54:39.000 No, it seems like a bunch of valid points and information.
00:54:42.000 The human freight car, Chauncey Moreland, 1869-1906, one of the Barnum and Bailey Circus's fat freak show attractions.
00:54:50.000 Isn't that amazing?
00:54:51.000 In 1900, that was a fat freak show.
00:54:54.000 That's not a fat guy at my local bar.
00:54:57.000 Okay, maybe you would say he's chubby.
00:55:00.000 Like if this guy was at my bar, they might call him Big Ed, but they wouldn't go, holy shit, that guy's fat.
00:55:04.000 They just go, that's a slightly large gentleman.
00:55:07.000 In fact, there is a guy there named Big Gavin.
00:55:12.000 And because the differentiate between me, I guess.
00:55:15.000 And he's about that size.
00:55:18.000 Look at this shit.
00:55:20.000 I need fat acceptance because I am fat and self-acceptance is being.
00:55:26.000 I can't read this one.
00:55:27.000 Can you read that one?
00:55:29.000 I need fat acceptance because everyone should wear whatever they want and feel good about being naked.
00:55:37.000 That's not true.
00:55:39.000 Does this apply to men?
00:55:40.000 I need fat acceptance because I am tired of what?
00:55:44.000 Hiding from the world.
00:55:47.000 Oh my God.
00:55:48.000 Bad acceptance.
00:55:50.000 The self-justification movement in 2013 where you can be as lazy and disrespectful to your body as you want.
00:55:56.000 All of these people are dying.
00:55:58.000 We don't hate them.
00:55:59.000 They think we hate them.
00:56:00.000 We don't hate them.
00:56:01.000 We didn't hate this guy.
00:56:03.000 We paid a quarter to see him.
00:56:06.000 Go next.
00:56:08.000 Fatty Fatty 2x4 can't fit through the kitchen door.
00:56:12.000 That could have been a lot funnier.
00:56:13.000 Could have made a tomato joke.
00:56:14.000 You could have talked about a Veruka salt from Willy Wonka.
00:56:18.000 Really disappointing, guys.
00:56:21.000 Tantric sex sessions have left my vagina looking like a ponch lasagna. 0.98
00:56:26.000 That's a hilarious screen grab.
00:56:28.000 We're not counting that as a meme.
00:56:31.000 This is a meme.
00:56:32.000 I was so distracted by the pants, I didn't notice the 186-month-old baby in cart.
00:56:39.000 Look, the baby's feet are touching the bottom of the cart. 0.99
00:56:42.000 This child is eight years old.
00:56:44.000 And yeah, so this is a real wonderful twofer because I didn't notice that these were pants until this.
00:56:52.000 The only thing making them pants is this.
00:56:57.000 What a dumb bitch. 1.00
00:56:58.000 That's what I was saying about leggings earlier.
00:57:01.000 Okay, go ahead.
00:57:03.000 This is a tweet.
00:57:05.000 Hulu's new series, The Bravest Knight, will follow a mixed-race gay couple and their adopted 10-year-old daughter.
00:57:11.000 You know, the only reason that that bothers us, whatever you are, Cartoon Network, Hulu, is because you're crowbarring this bullshit into cartoons.
00:57:21.000 Not because they're actually there, it's because you crowbarred it in there.
00:57:24.000 You know what I mean?
00:57:27.000 It's why it's there that bugs us.
00:57:29.000 And that wasn't a meme, that was a tweet.
00:57:31.000 This isn't a meme.
00:57:32.000 This is a tweet.
00:57:32.000 Happy Pride Month.
00:57:33.000 Our staff is filled with people of all sexualities, so we love supporting that.
00:57:36.000 Bruh, those are two brothers.
00:57:41.000 All right, let's wind this down after a few.
00:57:43.000 That's just a funny picture of a woman performing some sort of ritual that must be a million years old.
00:57:49.000 Next.
00:57:51.000 This, again, is a screen grab.
00:57:52.000 Street Fighters' Queer Stereotypes Kept Me in the Closet. 1.00
00:57:59.000 Okay, we'll end it on this.
00:58:01.000 The only open-minded presidents we've ever had.
00:58:03.000 That is fucking...
00:58:09.000 Because, bring me back.
00:58:12.000 Because sometimes quality is more important than semantics.
00:58:17.000 Thanks.
00:58:23.000 How am I going to remember which ones I've covered?
00:58:25.000 Well, we remember that we stopped at the...
00:58:29.000 I want to keep collecting them.
00:58:31.000 Ah.
00:58:35.000 We could list them out.
00:58:36.000 I could try using my brain, but I don't like that.
00:58:40.000 Come on.
00:58:42.000 All right, I think it's time for the mailbag.
00:58:45.000 Already?
00:58:48.000 Well, and we're gonna have to bag mail it up.
00:58:52.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
00:58:57.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
00:59:03.000 Let me touch it.
00:59:05.000 Very wrinkly photo, Ryan.
00:59:07.000 Still wrinkly.
00:59:09.000 That's a phenomenally wrinkly photo.
00:59:11.000 That was from the Sharia march. 0.72
00:59:13.000 I could smooth the anti-Sharia rally.
00:59:16.000 No, no, no.
00:59:17.000 Gavin, I do not accept your apology for the Robert Downing Jr. fashion review episode.
00:59:23.000 That was one of the funniest pieces of content you have produced since the time you got astronomically high and attempted to do a full unscripted episode on your old compound media show.
00:59:35.000 It's a given that a large part of your viewership are here exclusively for your hilarious observations of modern-day politics, but your take on irreverent subject matter is equally appreciated and can be a nice break from the depressing daily dive into the insanity of Clown World.
00:59:51.000 Thanks.
00:59:52.000 That's a nice one.
00:59:53.000 That is nice.
00:59:54.000 So now that I have taken over the mailbag, I can just go over here into our stuff and you can follow too because you get the same emails, right?
01:00:06.000 Yes.
01:00:06.000 So here's one from Michelle.
01:00:09.000 And she goes, Gavin Scottish impersonation in a real person.
01:00:14.000 Have you got that one?
01:00:17.000 You don't even have it sent to folders.
01:00:19.000 Set up a rule in your email program.
01:00:22.000 It took me two seconds.
01:00:23.000 And then the rule.
01:00:25.000 President Bill Clinton.
01:00:27.000 So you want to go to 430.
01:00:28.000 As far as we know, is not one that he wore and work through Epstein to perhaps own certain people, certain princes, perhaps, certain presidents or past presidents or prime ministers even.
01:00:46.000 Well, I wouldn't exculpate your own intelligence service from that or any other, actually, because it's quite obvious that compromat, as the Russians put it, compromising material on powerful people is a useful thing for intelligence services to have.
01:01:04.000 So ponder this scenario.
01:01:07.000 Jeffrey Epstein had a whole stable full of young girls and he was quite clearly not just a pervert himself, but very spooky.
01:01:22.000 He was spooky.
01:01:23.000 Aye.
01:01:24.000 Do you know who that is, Hen?
01:01:25.000 That's George Galloway.
01:01:27.000 He's an absolute fucking nutter.
01:01:29.000 Classic, classic.
01:01:35.000 But he's one of these fucking lefties who's just fanatically obsessed with the underdog.
01:01:41.000 You know, if you go to a Celtics game in Glasgow, they'll have a huge Palestinian flag unfurled.
01:01:46.000 They've got nothing to do with Israel.
01:01:48.000 They've no idea what's going on there.
01:01:50.000 They just like underdogs. 0.51
01:01:52.000 So George Galloway fucking hates Israel, loves Palestine.
01:01:55.000 He takes anyone's side that's not the winner.
01:01:59.000 And it's bloody tedious.
01:02:00.000 I mean, he's an absolute bampot. 1.00
01:02:03.000 But he does well in Scotland, I think.
01:02:05.000 All right.
01:02:06.000 Here's one from DW.
01:02:08.000 Ryan, what's with your hair?
01:02:09.000 Your hair makes you look like a shitty version of Prince.
01:02:12.000 And while he made some cool music, which I agree with, he was a total fag. 1.00
01:02:19.000 Yeah, my wife is obsessed with Prince. 0.81
01:02:21.000 She went to his house recently on some tour where they have raspberry beret for dinner or something.
01:02:27.000 And I go, honey, there was Purple Rain, then there was Delirious Controversy.
01:02:34.000 There's like 50 of that Prince in the New Power Generation albums that all sucked rocks.
01:02:40.000 You're excited about maybe three albums.
01:02:42.000 More like two and a half.
01:02:44.000 Anyway.
01:02:45.000 Gavin, I'm a correctional officer in Canada.
01:02:48.000 I heard you use the word goof on the show the other day.
01:02:51.000 Just a heads up, calling someone a goof in a Canadian prison is literally the worst thing you can say to someone, inmate RCO, and immediately initiates a fight.
01:02:59.000 Ryan, you're a fucking goof.
01:03:01.000 Turn down the suck, bud. 1.00
01:03:03.000 Like you more than a friend.
01:03:04.000 Well, that was a mean one.
01:03:05.000 Yeah, that was the saying we always had as kids because we heard the same thing.
01:03:11.000 And we'd always say, goof is a go-word in juvie.
01:03:14.000 Go word?
01:03:15.000 That means we're going to go?
01:03:16.000 Yeah.
01:03:16.000 Oh, shit.
01:03:17.000 Goof is a go-word in juvie.
01:03:19.000 And the other one we used to always say, the other Canadian thing we used to repeat all the time is, Maggie Longclaus is pregnant.
01:03:25.000 What the hell does that mean?
01:03:27.000 It's just like a Canadian thing.
01:03:29.000 You're pretending that you know a chick named Maggie Longclaus and she's pregnant. 0.80
01:03:34.000 All right.
01:03:35.000 I think we're done here.
01:03:37.000 Let's end, though, on an up note.
01:03:39.000 I don't want to get too Captain Bring down on the show.
01:03:43.000 So I found these funny goats you've probably already heard of that climb up so high that it makes your balls clench.
01:03:51.000 And I like doing the videos in the green screen studio from now on so we can point at stuff.
01:03:56.000 So let's head back over there now and look at a funny goat I forgot the name of.
01:04:00.000 Ibex.
01:04:10.000 You may already be familiar with this, I don't know what the fuck it is, a goat?
01:04:13.000 It's called an ibex, and it can go up things that are basically perpendicular to sea level.
01:04:22.000 This is in China where no one gives a shit about animals.
01:04:25.000 I don't know why you don't just throw these things, some salt blocks, but they like going up on this hill because it has salt on it and they need salt to build their bones.
01:04:35.000 You know why everyone needs salt.
01:04:37.000 So they climb up here with their kids, and I believe they're called kids.
01:04:43.000 They climb these mountains to get salt.
01:04:45.000 You're not going to believe these little fuckers.
01:04:48.000 I just, can we donate salt to this?
01:04:50.000 I got salt coming out of the wazoo.
01:04:52.000 We got a whole drawer of salt near our cutlery.
01:04:57.000 But these guys keep climbing.
01:05:00.000 And the Chinese don't care. 1.00
01:05:01.000 That's a non-Chinese guy talking about them. 0.97
01:05:04.000 And there's the guy summoning the courage.
01:05:07.000 Again, these people aren't drunk.
01:05:09.000 We had a lot of Mohawk Indians help build our skyscrapers here in New York, but I think a lot of them had a buzz.
01:05:16.000 And that's why they were so brave.
01:05:17.000 They also have big feet so they can bounce better.
01:05:19.000 But I don't think these things have a buzz.
01:05:22.000 They do have cool little toes, though.
01:05:27.000 This is a superfluous little thing where he goes, I wouldn't do that for salt, but I'm no Ibex.
01:05:32.000 Look at this thing.
01:05:35.000 Look at that.
01:05:36.000 The camera's not doing it justice.
01:05:39.000 So the kid wants to go up.
01:05:41.000 It is called a kid, right?
01:05:43.000 A baby goat?
01:05:44.000 Don't do it, dude.
01:05:46.000 Salt's not that great.
01:05:48.000 I like it, but not that much.
01:05:51.000 Can't we just get that chef, dude, to stand at the top of the dam and sprinkle it down?
01:05:57.000 This is amazing, but I don't feel like I'm impressing anyone right now.
01:06:03.000 Jesus H. Now it keeps going and they get higher and higher until they're, I'd say, 80 feet high.
01:06:12.000 Aren't the Chinese worried about them?
01:06:14.000 I don't think this is a good thing to develop.
01:06:17.000 Look at that.
01:06:18.000 Look at that.
01:06:20.000 Is this a talent that we're excited about?
01:06:23.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:06:25.000 You know, Kale Hartman, that comedian who had his life ruined by feminists, does this thing I've talked about a million times on the show, but I love it.
01:06:34.000 Where he'll see people working on a roof or on scaffolding and he'll go, hey, what the hell you think you're doing?
01:06:40.000 Get down from there now.
01:06:42.000 No, no, no, we're not doing.
01:06:43.000 No, you and you down.
01:06:45.000 Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?
01:06:48.000 And roofers are, look at that shit.
01:06:50.000 Roofers are usually illegal.
01:06:53.000 Or not illegal, but foreigners. 1.00
01:06:55.000 Yeah, probably illegal.
01:06:56.000 Outside of Boston.
01:06:57.000 He's almost at the top.
01:07:00.000 And they don't laugh.
01:07:03.000 They just sort of look down.
01:07:04.000 Sometimes they laugh because the Mexicans we get tend to be northern Mexican.
01:07:07.000 They tend to have a good sense of humor.
01:07:08.000 But for the most part, they just look down in disarray.
01:07:11.000 Anyway, disbelief.
01:07:12.000 If I was there, I'd be screaming at these things.
01:07:14.000 I'll get you some fucking salt. 0.99
01:07:16.000 Look at that.
01:07:17.000 It's going 90 degrees.
01:07:20.000 Look at that.
01:07:21.000 Look at that.
01:07:21.000 Okay, this is now worth it.
01:07:23.000 Look at that shit.
01:07:24.000 Look at this.
01:07:28.000 Boy, you could kill those easy.
01:07:29.000 This is like something at a Game of Thrones.
01:07:31.000 They're trying to get up the wall.
01:07:34.000 They're the walking dead goats.
01:07:37.000 Dead goats are a good man.
01:07:38.000 So is Lost Goat.
01:07:42.000 Hold on, buddy.
01:07:44.000 Anyway, yesterday we had a very violent video, and it showed people in domestic situations, young boys beating up, stepfathers that beat their mothers.
01:07:54.000 A little depressing.
01:07:55.000 Thought I'd keep it kind of light this week.
01:07:57.000 Let's go back to me.
01:08:06.000 If you work near a Chinese dam, anywhere even close to Beijing, and you see these poor bastards scaling those walls, throw them some salt. 1.00
01:08:15.000 Throw tons of salt chunks down there.
01:08:16.000 I don't care if it kills all the grass.
01:08:18.000 Throw down salt licks. 0.89
01:08:20.000 How much can a salt lick be?
01:08:21.000 10 bucks?
01:08:23.000 I'll pay for it.
01:08:24.000 Buy five salt licks, roll them off the top of the dam, let them shatter on the ground.
01:08:28.000 Give those poor bastards something to lick at. 0.99
01:08:32.000 How much is that now?
01:08:33.000 The salt lick?
01:08:34.000 10 bucks.
01:08:34.000 10 bucks, like I said.
01:08:36.000 And if the owner of the dam catches you, the guy that you work for, and you get fired, good.
01:08:42.000 Get fired.
01:08:43.000 Get in trouble.
01:08:44.000 Be brave.