Greg Wycliffe - November 12, 2020


How Joe Biden was Elected President (Not Fraud)


Episode Stats

Length

5 minutes

Words per Minute

132.40329

Word Count

696

Sentence Count

72


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Okay, guys, time for a story.
00:00:05.060 Today's story is How Joe Biden Became President.
00:00:10.020 Written by CNN.
00:00:11.620 Yeah.
00:00:12.380 Yes!
00:00:13.400 It was November 3rd, 2020,
00:00:16.760 and the evil Donald Trump was leading in votes in key swing states.
00:00:22.400 Oh, no, not Donald Trump!
00:00:24.500 That's right, class.
00:00:25.520 He was ahead 100,000 votes in Georgia, 300,000 votes in Michigan,
00:00:31.120 and 700,000 votes in Pennsylvania.
00:00:35.240 Wow, that many votes?
00:00:36.760 Oh, no, Mommy doesn't like Trump.
00:00:39.180 Then all of a sudden, in Georgia's largest voting county, Fulton County,
00:00:44.780 a pipe burst open and water started flowing all over the place.
00:00:50.220 Oh, no, the ballots!
00:00:51.780 No, the ballots were fine.
00:00:52.960 But the people decided,
00:00:55.240 Tonight, we're going to stop counting votes for a few hours.
00:00:59.720 Stopped counting?
00:01:00.920 And in Green Bay, Wisconsin, suddenly their printers ran out of ink!
00:01:06.420 And they decided,
00:01:07.680 Tonight, we're going to stop counting votes for a few hours.
00:01:12.180 Didn't the vote counters know that the election's gonna happen?
00:01:15.200 And, Timmy, a few other states got really tired.
00:01:19.180 Oh, hmm, I'm gonna go to bed.
00:01:23.260 And they decided to stop counting votes for a few hours.
00:01:26.720 But, teacher, I thought that they usually count all night long during an election.
00:01:31.640 Timmy, listen to me.
00:01:34.460 Mail-in ballots play a big role in this election.
00:01:38.220 And we all know that it's mostly Democrat voters.
00:01:44.160 Say it with me, class.
00:01:46.080 Mail-in ballots play a big role in this election.
00:01:50.580 And we all know that it's mostly Democrat voters.
00:01:55.720 Very good.
00:01:56.540 So then, how did Biden win?
00:01:58.600 Well, during these few hours,
00:02:00.540 what did appear but millions of ballots for Biden,
00:02:04.180 just as Trump feared.
00:02:05.660 He started climbing in Michigan.
00:02:08.180 In Georgia, he did great.
00:02:09.760 He even closed the 700,000 vote gap in Pennsylvania.
00:02:14.220 A critical swing state.
00:02:16.240 Wow!
00:02:17.260 It was a miracle!
00:02:20.140 Biden had enough votes to come back in all of those key swing states.
00:02:23.800 Yeah, like just enough.
00:02:26.560 Then what happened, teacher?
00:02:28.240 Then after a few days of finding more,
00:02:30.420 of counting more ballots,
00:02:33.440 they finally declared,
00:02:35.520 Joe Biden, you are our next president of the United States.
00:02:39.160 And I am glad you are there.
00:02:41.240 Yay!
00:02:42.560 The end.
00:02:43.020 No more Trump.
00:02:44.000 No more Trump.
00:02:45.660 Wait, teacher, is that it?
00:02:47.620 That's it.
00:02:48.820 That's the end.
00:02:50.280 And no one was suspicious of Biden's huge comeback
00:02:53.460 on accounts of mail-in ballots.
00:02:55.680 Nope.
00:02:57.220 Nobody.
00:02:58.940 Not a soul, Timmy.
00:03:01.640 Because there was no evidence.
00:03:05.040 And no one would believe you anyway.
00:03:07.480 But teacher, isn't this the first time
00:03:09.640 they ever did this mail-in voting?
00:03:11.320 Timmy!
00:03:12.140 How dare you question the legitimacy of our democracy!
00:03:15.300 I'm just saying it's a brand new system.
00:03:19.300 Mail-in ballots play a big role in this election, Timmy.
00:03:24.680 Say it with me, class.
00:03:26.460 And we all know they're mostly Democrat voters.
00:03:30.760 They're mostly Democrat voters.
00:03:31.640 Okay?
00:03:32.900 Okay?
00:03:33.740 But teacher, you taught us this stuff.
00:03:36.580 Don't you remember the Russian collusion story?
00:03:39.380 The impeachment story?
00:03:40.860 The Not My President song you'd make us sing every morning?
00:03:44.260 Well, that was the old curriculum, Timmy.
00:03:48.600 And quite frankly, I'm going to pretend that I didn't even hear that.
00:03:51.840 You don't want to go to timeout now, do you?
00:03:55.320 No.
00:03:57.560 Anybody else?
00:04:01.340 Good.
00:04:02.800 Good.
00:04:04.380 Class, this has been the worst four years of my life.
00:04:09.300 Of our lives.
00:04:10.860 Say it with me, class.
00:04:12.440 Say it with me.
00:04:13.180 Timmy, this has been the worst four years of our lives.
00:04:18.340 Of our lives.
00:04:19.140 And I'm not going to let that damaged, petulant, crying child ruin it for all of us.
00:04:29.140 Timmy, we are so close to utopia.
00:04:34.560 And I'm not going to let your comparisons and your questions ruin a perfectly good story.
00:04:44.840 Yeah, more like a fairy tale.
00:04:46.900 Who said that?
00:04:48.200 Who said that?
00:04:49.680 Who the fuck said that?
00:04:51.000 Hi, thank you so much.
00:04:52.860 I just wanted to congratulate Joe Biden and Kamala Harris on their big win.
00:04:59.060 I am so proud of them.
00:05:00.580 I'm so happy.
00:05:01.900 And I guarantee I'm going to make a full list for you for all the Trump supporter families
00:05:06.960 and kids in my class and send it right over to you as a good comrade should.
00:05:12.120 Thank you for watching.
00:05:13.500 Make sure you like, share, and subscribe.
00:05:15.080 Subscribe.