Greg Wycliffe - October 14, 2015


JUST LIE - Trudeau vs. Mulcair vs. Harper 2015 Canadian Federal Election


Episode Stats

Length

5 minutes

Words per Minute

187.29715

Word Count

981

Sentence Count

176

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

7


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Mr. Harper, fellow Canadians. It is I, Justin Trudeau. Canadians have had enough of your
00:00:11.120 deceit and lies. I'm JT, I'm your man to lead this nation to a much brighter tomorrow. Anybody
00:00:20.160 but Harper, yeah that's what's trending. My campaign all about spins and spending. I feed
00:00:25.000 stone Canucks American politics. Dream up big speeches, they become broken promises. It's
00:00:29.980 so easy. Everyone's hatin' on Harper. I'm the spittin' doctor. I got my flock of media
00:00:34.200 vultures. Why you think Steve only wanna answer certain questions? We even spun this into a
00:00:38.620 plot of deception. Secrecy, dishonesty, he's already like a robot. Goodbye, Steve. Farewell,
00:00:43.780 so long. The good news is finished. His great financial record on spin. My platform is the
00:00:48.260 safest. I'm talking real change. It ain't realistic. Veterans, refugees, each week I spit another
00:00:53.180 gimmick. Canadians this, Canadians that. Bullshit. I want your vote and I'll say anything to get
00:00:58.560 it. Show you an image of drowning children. Pulling at your heart strings. I know Canadians,
00:01:02.440 so I'm guilt trippin'. Just like it's flipped, I grab the facts and twist it. Liberal smoke
00:01:06.660 string, got the kids listening. I'm Justin, just in time to be the next prime minister. Harper's
00:01:11.280 demise couldn't be simpler. My smooth voice is somehow so sinister. So I take the slick written
00:01:16.260 script in my hand, do what I can and just blame everything on stage. Just lie. He killed those
00:01:21.680 refugees. Just lie. Pulled this headline up to the sky. Just lie. From the TV to your Facebook
00:01:26.800 feed. Just lie. Mr. Harper's an evil man. Just lie. The worst PM that we've ever had. Just lie. For
00:01:32.900 Canada, he's very bad. Just lie. This country will be mine. You done with NDP? Yeah, you know me. Hey
00:01:39.460 homies, I ain't Harper, so please vote me. I'm wiser than Trudeau, gray hair and a goatee. Just call me
00:01:45.000 Tom or your new daddy. Force feed you silver spoons like you wouldn't believe. National daycare
00:01:49.740 everywhere. You know me. Government spending cheese on anything. I'll take care of everything.
00:01:54.600 Wipe your ass, want some benefits. Union sucking at the tick. Cruising for a deficit. I'll still
00:01:58.740 balance the books by next year type of bitch. Hope you don't have calculators any type of shit.
00:02:03.020 What's next? I switch. High tax is up to your tits. I'm talking leftist investments. It's the bestest
00:02:07.820 cause the bored, privileged and restless. Wanna feel the nicest. People struggle. I don't like this. Get on
00:02:12.580 Facebook and like this. I wish no one in the world was in a crisis. I'm hot then I'm cold. That's my
00:02:16.760 whole campaign. Each promise, different promise. What a charade. Our satellite offices are in dope
00:02:21.640 shape. Wanted to sell fresh water. Now I talk sports space. I'll tell you to take care. Then I
00:02:26.020 create. And then he say that your great great grandkids will have to repay. But first I'm
00:02:29.920 laughing with my gold tennis racket in my grave. Because while I was alive, I swallowed my pride
00:02:34.140 and just lie. Blame everything on Steve. Just lie. He killed those refugees. Just lie. Pulled this
00:02:40.120 headline up to the sky. Just lie. From the TV to your Facebook feed. Just lie. Mr. Harper's an evil
00:02:45.820 man. Just lie. Just lie. The worst PM that we've ever had. Just lie. For Canada. He does
00:02:50.200 very bad. Just lie. This country will be mine. Oh my god. So much hate boy. So much hate
00:03:00.200 man. I'm the best chance Canada has. Hating me is hating the haves. It seems everybody's
00:03:06.700 taking a stab. Every party spent cash making some ads. I did great things for this country.
00:03:11.460 They make it look bad. I gave you income splitting. TFSAs. I helped us do the recession.
00:03:16.300 In 2008. Things are great. People love Canada and our free trade. Do I get praise? No. All
00:03:21.220 you do is throw shade. I helped Canada become a national player. Answer your prayer. Where
00:03:25.080 you think a million jobs came from? The air? Where do you think the surplus came from?
00:03:28.580 Justin's nice hair? Malt care? Do you Canadians even care? Like all of a sudden, everything
00:03:32.760 wrong was my doing. I adore sickos. I killed native women. I took the food. Killed the Syrian
00:03:37.220 children. Global recession was my choosing. Yo, let me tell you what the scoop is. We
00:03:41.420 had the highest growth rate in G7 countries. Lowest ratio between debt and GDP. Do you know
00:03:46.400 anything about these economies? Please take a seat. And definitely not as an MP. You hippies
00:03:51.240 want to save the trees? Start a company. Please plant some seeds. It's not Harper, man. Call
00:03:55.240 me Steve. I'll plan ahead like catching your buddy. You grab weed. See you on the 19th. Vote
00:03:59.560 strong and free. Why are you blaming everything on me? Just love. I didn't kill those refugees. Just
00:04:05.560 love. I'm just trying to do my J-O-B. Just love. Why is everybody on my team? Just love. Listen,
00:04:11.080 I'm not an evil man. Just love. Not the worst PM we ever had. Just love. This country does
00:04:16.520 look bad. Just love. Everyone's clearly high. I'm Elizabeth May and I'm here to say I'm
00:04:22.080 in Canada, not the U.S. of A. All right, all right, all right. Get out of here. Get out
00:04:26.660 of here. You've had your time. You've had your time. Go. Go. Go. Go. Out of here.
00:04:30.780 Oh, this is because of the Gomeshi thing, isn't it? Yes, it is.
00:04:46.520 you've had a friend. I'm not anything but a great friend. Who's
00:04:50.380 an advocate? Yeah, again, we got your team up with me. What the hell is
00:05:04.580 you heißt, I love the personnel. I love failure, so I love you too, so I will
00:05:09.920 be. I'm here to kill everybody. I'm here to kill everybody. You're