Greg Wycliffe - May 16, 2020


Justin Trudeau is Superman ｜ CANADA NOW - ep3


Episode Stats

Length

6 minutes

Words per Minute

179.14496

Word Count

1,123

Sentence Count

82


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Justin Trudeau thinks your tax dollars can help save the world.
00:00:03.880 We're headed into an economic depression here in Canada, but not to worry,
00:00:07.440 our Prime Minister is going to help you with your homework.
00:00:11.400 This is Canada Now. I'm Greg Wycliffe.
00:00:14.120 Canadians have lost over 3 million jobs so far since the beginning of this COVID-19 lockdown,
00:00:19.300 with 2 million of those coming from the last month of April alone.
00:00:23.240 Faced with this grave uncertainty, Justin Trudeau posed the crucial question,
00:00:27.540 what's a job? You see, after someone explained to him the concept of jobs and that there's this
00:00:33.280 whole economy outside of bartending and being a ski instructor, Justin Trudeau was horrified to
00:00:38.480 discover that many Canadians don't grow up with two nannies. Horrifying.
00:00:45.040 Unprecedented, unprecedented, unprecedented. You see, in these uncertain and some would say
00:00:50.080 unprecedented times, our favorite Laurentian elite has made it a priority to renovate his second
00:00:56.100 home with 8.6 million taxpayer dollars. But guys, it's not that Justin is an entitled rich kid who
00:01:02.140 doesn't respect hard work and the value of money. It's just that your business, your income that
00:01:06.960 supports your family is not as important as Sophie getting her new crown moldings.
00:01:12.840 These are significant steps and we will do more.
00:01:16.880 But in Justin's defense, in his mind, this renovation, he's creating jobs. You see,
00:01:22.320 from what I can tell, the liberal philosophy is very simple. How do you create more jobs?
00:01:27.260 Spend taxpayer money. How do we get people to vote for us? Spend taxpayer money. How do we prevent
00:01:33.420 people from asking us tough questions? Spend taxpayer money. Because any consistent criticism will have
00:01:39.580 the whole liberal brand crumbling like a house of cards. But the liberals have spent so much money
00:01:44.440 leading up to the last election and during this lockdown crisis that they don't even know how much debt
00:01:50.420 we have. What is the size of our current national debt? The Honorable Minister. And Mr. Speaker,
00:01:55.940 I think that what will happen as we do that is we will allow ourselves to have a stronger economy at
00:02:00.720 the end because of these investments. Probably have a trillion dollars. Yes or no? The Honorable
00:02:06.060 Minister. Mr. Speaker, as I said, we will continue to focus on the importance of supporting Canadians.
00:02:12.600 I feel like we're stuck in a very bad episode of The Apprentice, except the guy in charge has great hair.
00:02:18.080 Everybody who's actually competent has been fired. And instead of a failed business challenge on a
00:02:23.620 reality TV show, our economy is ruined. And that's a continuing commitment, Mr. Speaker.
00:02:28.840 And for anyone wondering if this fiscal irresponsibility is anything new, it's not. Back in August 2019,
00:02:35.660 the liberal government in one week alone announced 4.9 billion dollars in spending, conveniently just
00:02:42.620 days before they called for the election. What a coincidence. Out of these over 500 announcements,
00:02:49.000 there are businesses like Pan Ang Pharma, Marcon Metal Fab, and Weaver Apps. If you're a business
00:02:54.440 owner, you might be wondering why you're not on that list. The answer is simple. With this liberal
00:02:59.020 government, they clearly pick winners and losers. And when it comes to people who got swindled into voting
00:03:04.820 for the Liberal Party again, and they're not directly profiting from their policies and spending,
00:03:08.760 boy, are there a lot of losers. In other news, despite not even knowing our national debt or the
00:03:14.960 future forecast of our job market, Justin Trudeau announced 850 million dollars to spend outside of
00:03:21.960 Canada to help the world fight the coronavirus. We need to take care of ourselves and take care of
00:03:29.140 the rest of the world as well. Take care of ourselves by taking care of the rest of the world.
00:03:34.040 When I was young, I came up with some pretty crafty excuses for asking for money from my parents,
00:03:39.560 but this is some next-level stuff. Hey mom, can I borrow $20? I'm going to save the world.
00:03:47.780 But let's face it, the only thing bigger than Justin Trudeau's ambition is the hole in his frontal lobe.
00:03:54.220 But you gotta understand, many economic experts are saying we may very well be headed into a Great
00:03:59.860 Depression. But that won't stop Trudeau from encouraging you to stay home and be safe and
00:04:04.160 don't listen to your evil capitalist employer. I mean, all this talk about supply and demand is
00:04:10.060 so boring anyway. Justin Trudeau would much rather focus on what's important and what he's good at.
00:04:15.540 Helping your kids with their homework.
00:04:17.600 Hey kids, if you've encountered challenges or problems that are really tough and you need a little
00:04:23.520 extra help with, why don't you reach out?
00:04:25.820 Bad posture aside and strange implication that Justin is starting to act like our daddy
00:04:30.820 aside, you gotta be in awe of Justin here. Not only can he save the world from the coronavirus,
00:04:36.460 but he can even help your kid with their homework. Is there anything Justin Trudeau can't do?
00:04:42.560 Well, he can't balance the budget. He can't keep his promise about electoral reform. He can't make
00:04:46.340 a profit from legalizing weed. He can't build a pipeline to save our oil and gas industry. He can't
00:04:50.600 even remember how many times he wore blackface. He can't stand up to China or Canadian lives that have
00:04:55.100 been killed or imprisoned. He can't be transparent. He can't explain himself. He can't answer questions.
00:05:00.100 When it comes to representing Canada on the world stage, he can't get any respect. He can't keep
00:05:03.860 women in power positions if they disagree with him. He can't stop rubbing shoulders with human
00:05:07.560 rights abusers. He can't stop campaigning for a security council seat at the UN. And he just can't
00:05:12.380 stop himself from driving this once great country into the ground. But your kid's math homework,
00:05:17.340 oh, he's all over it. And I know many naive Canadians who have been pumped with propaganda
00:05:22.780 will say, Greg, he's doing his best. He's doing his best. This is a phrase you might direct at
00:05:29.560 somebody like Forrest Gump or Gilbert Grape or the kid from your high school who would always pick
00:05:34.960 pennies off the floor in the cafeteria. I have the most respect for the penny kid, by the way.
00:05:40.800 But Justin Trudeau doing his best. Don't forget, this is a guy who said to a Canadian veteran who
00:05:47.680 lost his leg fighting for the freedoms of this country, he looked him in the eye and said,
00:05:52.780 you're asking for more than we're able to give. If you think Canada with Justin Trudeau is doing
00:05:59.320 its best, we're fucked. This is Canada now. Thanks for watching.
00:06:10.240 I got a little heated there. I know. A little fucking heated. Yourself?