Impaulsive with Logan Paul - E175 LOGAN PAUL AND MIKE SETTLE THE BEEF - IMPAULSIVE EP. 175

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00:00:30.900 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

00:00:33.460 We have a new podcast.

00:00:34.880 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

00:00:36.260 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

00:00:37.420 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

00:00:41.400 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

00:00:43.740 which means we have wildly different references,

00:00:46.000 occasionally different opinions.

00:00:47.240 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

00:00:50.080 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

00:00:52.880 Good Taste is my business.

00:00:55.300 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:00:58.200 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:00.000 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator,

00:01:05.480 and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

00:01:07.780 The true crime comedy podcast, all about robbery, fraud,

00:01:10.980 and those who practice it.

00:01:12.160 Each week I bring on an amazing guest.

00:01:14.060 Ooh, I scammed them.

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00:01:24.520 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

00:01:27.480 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:30.000 Hi, this is Kylie Brakeman, Angela Jaritana, Jeremy Colhane, Patrick McDonald, and we're

00:01:36.860 the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists podcast, the Improvised Character

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00:01:46.160 Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants.

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00:02:05.240 Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:02:12.880 Oh!

00:02:14.020 Oh! 0.98

00:02:15.260 Oh! 1.00

00:02:16.560 He just shit all over you, man. 1.00

00:02:18.720 Bad. 1.00

00:02:20.560 It's on your sleeve.

00:02:21.920 I'm so sorry.

00:02:23.040 Hey, man.

00:02:23.600 This is what comes with being a bird owner.

00:02:26.220 As a former bird owner myself, I respect his decision.

00:02:29.040 it's it's i don't like it it's not it's not bad we're gonna fix this

00:02:32.800 come to daddy oh that's right you're a dad now and a daddy come on come fly to that

00:02:44.340 dang he flew to uncle or did he fly to dad you are a daddy welcome back to impulsive the number

00:02:52.240 one podcast in the world that's facts our episode's been killing it lately glad you guys are

00:02:57.740 enjoying it glad you guys got to see a side of gp in our last episode mcgreg paul my father

00:03:02.180 that you may not have known he's a wise guy he's a profound guy he's a funny guy he's a goofball

00:03:07.520 but he also has a very stern serious side to him that uh you know raised jake and i but yeah there's

00:03:13.200 a lot of stuff going on in the maverick house there's a couple people that came back from

00:03:16.600 where they were uh we'll get to that shortly this is the probably the newest thing if you guys saw

00:03:21.460 the vlog i have a new a new parrot a new pet parrot which is a big deal because my my bird

00:03:25.940 maverick the parrot is the staple of my life my brand the word means so much to me and so

00:03:32.560 getting this african gray who we've named sir is is is massive this is a big pivotal moment in my

00:03:38.660 life that is symbolic of the evolution that we've had in our content and here buddy oh whoa whoa 0.53

00:03:44.560 bro he bunny hopped off my fingers he he see he doesn't know really uh anything especially with

00:03:53.440 his muscles he's so uncoordinated i i on god have never seen an animal this uncoordinated like

00:03:58.220 worse than worse than the puppies i see uh at the animal protectionally worse than any of any of the

00:04:04.560 pets i've had when they were young he is a baby he's three months old and his lifespan is 50 years

00:04:10.940 so he's brand new to the world he's learning everything he doesn't really know how to fly

00:04:17.100 he's ran into the fridge a couple times and we've we've been closing his cage when we're not 0.94

00:04:21.240 around him obviously because of what happened with maverick and shit and then there's like 0.61

00:04:24.560 he i don't i he he we don't trust him this is fascinating i hope this is the new norm what's 0.90

00:04:29.680 he doing he's just on your head and he's beautiful yeah so the reason i i have wanted this this type

00:04:35.260 of bird for so long is because they're smart uh they can speak up to a thousand words they have

00:04:40.480 intellect of a five-year-old and they have very uh distinct person personalities personality

00:04:46.320 uh but yeah i've been devoting all my energy to to becoming his father i am a bird guy

00:04:53.580 it's weird like uh do you think women my age will think that's weird honest honestly um i think a

00:05:01.820 person that respects and loves animals will understand your connection with the this

00:05:05.620 beautiful beast danny do you think it's weird be honest is it weird how much i like birds

00:05:10.780 she says no all right i just like i feel like the equivalent of a cat lady is what i've been saying

00:05:16.880 and i i it's different when you have a laser hawk right and that's that's he's a velociraptor

00:05:24.320 just kind of evolved a little bit more smaller but just majestic you know look at that thing

00:05:30.100 yeah way cool so so this is obviously one exciting thing that's happened in our life and

00:05:34.200 i guess another like pretty cool exciting thing you guys probably should have realized by now um 0.99

00:05:39.400 mike's back oh what's up motherfuckers 0.97

00:05:44.960 he yeah he so he's he's to my left there he is and uh he's been gone for a week 0.98

00:05:51.800 to i mean what like a lope with lana roads or how's that going do you hate each other yet or

00:05:57.520 i mean hey man i gotta make ends ends meet somehow i've been homeless to an x to an extent

00:06:04.840 Oh, so you have been sleeping on the streets?

00:06:06.540 No.

00:06:07.540 You were on vacation.

00:06:08.640 I stayed at Lana's house, but I mean, as you can tell by my unkempt hair and my Grizzly 0.99

00:06:14.040 Adams fucking beard. 0.98

00:06:15.080 Yeah, you look raggedy. 1.00

00:06:16.140 I'm turning into a fucking optical illusion of what I once was. 0.99

00:06:20.680 I'm not even a human anymore. 0.98

00:06:22.500 But also, Joe Mullet, Joe Dirt over here. 1.00

00:06:25.260 What the hell is going on with your fucking hair? 1.00

00:06:26.320 No, no bueno, dude. 1.00

00:06:27.580 I commend the people who still look good in this quarantine.

00:06:31.180 Dude, I'm having weird thoughts.

00:06:32.660 I was this close to giving myself a bowl cut.

00:06:35.920 What? 1.00

00:06:36.600 A fucking bowl cut because I don't care. 1.00

00:06:38.200 I'm like, who do I have to look good for? 1.00

00:06:40.080 I'm not going out to the club.

00:06:40.940 I'm not trying to impress girls.

00:06:42.040 And I have a month plus to regrow my hair.

00:06:46.480 I think I'm going to do a handstand and shave my mullet with an electric razor for a TikTok.

00:06:53.920 Are you still a TikTok addict?

00:06:55.420 Is that?

00:06:55.960 Yeah, I am, Mike.

00:06:57.360 And the last one popped off.

00:06:58.600 25 million views.

00:06:59.960 25 million?

00:07:01.000 What are you up to on a follower count?

00:07:02.820 Just 8 million.

00:07:04.040 And so with the 8 million, the 25 million views.

00:07:06.500 Look, dude, you miss a lot.

00:07:07.640 I guess my question is, you know, when do the AdSense checks come in?

00:07:10.300 Oh, yeah. 0.96

00:07:11.620 That's fucking right. 1.00

00:07:13.100 You don't make money making fucking TikToks. 1.00

00:07:15.240 I think you do. 1.00

00:07:16.160 I don't think I'm smart enough to.

00:07:18.980 Monetize.

00:07:19.420 I don't know. 0.99

00:07:19.880 Like, fucking someone help me. 0.99

00:07:21.220 It'd be great if you'd have done something like this before. 0.98

00:07:24.740 We could, like, maybe figure out how to monetize, you know, a platform with short form video content.

00:07:29.560 Yeah.

00:07:29.880 because I just

00:07:31.500 I don't want to do

00:07:32.500 I don't want to do

00:07:33.400 brand deals

00:07:34.760 and sponsors anymore

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00:08:18.240 Nice.

00:08:18.560 That was good, man.

00:08:19.160 Nice.

00:08:19.580 Thanks.

00:08:20.020 I appreciate you guys.

00:08:20.740 That Joe Rogan clip yesterday, I know you watched it because I heard it from the other room.

00:08:24.740 and then I watched it where he's kind of showing off the first time a podcast was really starting

00:08:29.360 to come together. Fascinating. Unbelievable. But his message was about like how everything has

00:08:34.220 become so corporate and this was actually a great avenue to be able to express everything that you

00:08:41.140 want to without any sort of, uh, what's that called? Interference. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what

00:08:47.400 he was describing was when uh the platform becomes slave to the advertisers because it's how they

00:08:55.280 make money it's dangerous honestly like youtube is here like in and they have to listen to what

00:09:00.920 the advertise what he's eating your head and and also at the same time that bird's scared i haven't

00:09:06.560 been introduced to him yet he scares me you haven't even said hi i'm say hi what's his name sir

00:09:13.120 Hi, sir.

00:09:15.480 I'm not going to lie to you, dude.

00:09:16.800 As you remember, I wasn't the biggest fan of Maverick, which is why I instructed Ginger

00:09:21.960 the dog to eat him, as the fans all know.

00:09:26.460 No, but honestly, like this, I'm scared.

00:09:28.960 The talons on that.

00:09:30.200 I don't know.

00:09:31.320 What is he going to do?

00:09:32.080 Does he spit flaming fire? 0.94

00:09:33.360 No, this one's a sweetheart.

00:09:34.720 This is this animal right here is by far the best pet that I've ever had this early on. 0.91

00:09:39.840 And so as long as we don't fuck up and acclimate him the right way and introduce him to people 0.96

00:09:44.040 and train him the right way, bro, he's going to be a gem. 0.99

00:09:46.720 Like, do you notice how quiet he is?

00:09:48.440 Yes.

00:09:48.800 I like that.

00:09:50.300 And this morning though, he wasn't, he was peeping a lot.

00:09:52.280 He gets excited.

00:09:52.880 He was just peeping for 30 minutes straight.

00:09:54.640 But yeah, he's awesome, bro.

00:09:57.140 What?

00:09:57.600 You want to do your thing?

00:09:58.680 Mike has a thing.

00:10:00.120 He's got a thing.

00:10:00.660 He has been gone.

00:10:01.320 We had a little rift and you guys don't know the story.

00:10:05.460 like it's you you you say it but we've made it appear to revolve around this shrimp that he got

00:10:12.400 me for my birthday and like i kicked my guy house and mike left because of how i reacted to

00:10:16.260 you can probably guess that's not the full story but um why don't you dive in a little bit and do

00:10:21.740 this monologue we went back and forth on if we wanted to even do this but there's been a lot of

00:10:26.140 chatter online a lot of people talking about it and uh i wrote something because as you guys know

00:10:30.920 i sometimes can get wordy or ramble or not hit uh the right points on on things like this that

00:10:37.480 are very serious so i'm gonna read this really quickly i want to keep this short and to the

00:10:40.800 point as you know i do sometimes tend to ramble a bit uh the past two weeks have been tough not

00:10:45.860 being on the show after all we've worked towards has been even tougher what started as an idea

00:10:50.060 simply to get a friend a gift spiraled into something much greater the shrimp being the

00:10:55.260 catalyst for our fight was always a fun storyline as you just said but it was never the real reason

00:10:59.600 any of this happened how i felt and still feel logan responded to the gifts that day upset me

00:11:04.440 to a point that i said things and acted in a way that was unsuitable and outside of my character

00:11:08.340 as a result logan asked for some space and that is what created the absence you've witnessed

00:11:13.760 i've learned several things from our little battle and even more from the resulting time away

00:11:18.080 first of all i can't expect people to act the same way as me how i accept gifts is not how

00:11:23.140 others accept gifts and so on and so forth the fact that i was driven to anger by that is

00:11:27.440 unacceptable and something I'll continue to work on. This leads me to another massive understanding.

00:11:32.080 I am a work in progress. I continue to struggle and find ways to cope with my own severe anxiety

00:11:36.540 and other internal issues that sometimes drive me to act improperly, angrily, or interrupt or

00:11:42.120 have outbursts. I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I will try every day to get better.

00:11:47.680 But my biggest learning this week has been to remember who I really am. Over the past week,

00:11:52.300 I've faced a bunch of negative words from people I once confused as friends.

00:11:56.120 I once again confuse his friends and even some fans.

00:11:59.720 I've literally had to step back from the online audience this week to remind myself I'm a good person with extremely sound intentions.

00:12:06.160 That's just trying to do the best I can like everybody else.

00:12:09.640 Anyways, like I said, let's move on.

00:12:11.520 Nobody can argue that Logan and I are stronger together.

00:12:13.740 We bring differing views, differing life experiences and simply make each other better. 0.70

00:12:19.020 Let's all coexist, cut the bullshit and focus on what really matters.

00:12:21.760 us putting on a dope show that people want to tune in 1.00

00:12:23.840 and forget about the bullshit that consumes their day 0.98

00:12:25.720 can we please get back to work 0.99

00:12:28.100 I think we're doing that right now

00:12:33.220 it looks like it

00:12:34.680 there's a lot of big takeaways from this

00:12:37.720 obviously

00:12:39.900 I mentioned this

00:12:41.940 on the last podcast

00:12:42.740 when you're on the podcast you're polarizing

00:12:44.960 when you're off the podcast you're polarizing 0.96

00:12:47.140 it makes no fucking sense 0.63

00:12:48.860 I told the people 0.94

00:12:50.340 make up your minds

00:12:51.480 do you like Mike or do you not

00:12:53.260 here's the solution if you don't like him

00:12:55.740 shut up or don't watch the show

00:12:59.440 we don't want to hear anymore what we do 0.95

00:13:01.640 want and what we do value is constructive

00:13:03.560 criticism if you have something to say that you think

00:13:05.600 any of us could be doing better on this show

00:13:07.880 please tell us but

00:13:09.360 comments

00:13:10.080 basically insulting a person's

00:13:13.980 character with no critique

00:13:15.960 that's just mean

00:13:17.700 that's just mean like

00:13:18.740 addressing the problem without offering a solution

00:13:21.120 It's the word.

00:13:22.000 It's called complaining. 1.00

00:13:23.240 It's called fucking whining. 1.00

00:13:25.260 We've complained about complainers plenty of times here. 1.00

00:13:27.420 Are we complainers?

00:13:28.600 No, no, because here's my solution.

00:13:30.720 I just gave it.

00:13:31.720 My solution is stop complaining and provide us with something that we can work with to be better so we suit your needs and the things that you want.

00:13:37.600 I do want to defend some of those fans a little bit in that there have been a bunch that have offered that creative criticism.

00:13:44.020 There have been a lot of detractors of mine that have had problems with interruptions on this show.

00:13:49.760 it's something i continue to work on i don't think anyone in the audience can even begin

00:13:54.200 to understand what it is like being on a show with three or four or five people all with huge

00:14:00.940 energies all with their own personalities all struggling to find the right timing of when to

00:14:05.820 jump in logan has a creative direction i have a creative direction we're all trying our absolute

00:14:10.740 best to make this work and i am trying very hard to not step on toes it is not as easy as people

00:14:17.660 think it is no it's not this and this is the this is a project where okay so like vlogs vlog channel

00:14:22.980 specifically that channel can live and breathe on its own the only the only staple on the vlog

00:14:28.400 channel is me absolutely like that's the spine it will continue to go uh people come in and out

00:14:33.420 and the channel will always survive and thrive this one bro you've been here since zero so it

00:14:39.260 was a bit hard for me and i had to push myself uh to a level of entertainer that i hadn't before

00:14:46.720 and I had to come

00:14:47.720 with a lot of ammunition

00:14:48.540 like bro

00:14:49.320 after the podcast

00:14:50.120 the first one we did

00:14:50.800 without you

00:14:51.260 I went

00:14:52.200 I dropped to the floor

00:14:55.720 and I was like

00:14:56.420 that was crazy

00:14:57.500 like if y'all saw that

00:15:00.040 I was talking

00:15:01.000 a lot

00:15:02.300 you crushed it though

00:15:03.400 thank you

00:15:03.860 you did great

00:15:04.460 I wanted to make sure

00:15:05.780 I did a good job

00:15:06.660 because you know

00:15:07.720 when you

00:15:08.060 you get dumped

00:15:09.740 or you break up

00:15:10.540 with your girlfriend

00:15:11.080 and then you hit the gym

00:15:12.460 and you want to look

00:15:13.040 as good as possible

00:15:13.780 and you want to be

00:15:14.220 as successful as possible

00:15:15.000 so when she sees you

00:15:15.980 doing well

00:15:16.360 she's like god dang it and i did that's what i was trying to do but dude i think i think another 0.95

00:15:21.420 another thing is you you talk about the polarizing nature i have a lot of hot takes i'm very fucking 0.58

00:15:26.900 loud and very expressive and very opinionated and i can completely understand how people can

00:15:33.160 be polarized by that i also do firmly believe that our audience is built of a map from a massively

00:15:40.660 broad and expanding age and life experience set i think that that there are people out there who

00:15:47.380 have been logan paul fans and are still 17 and are probably like yo this dude mike is trying to be my

00:15:53.920 dad he's trying to tell me how to do things in my life and then i think there's 34 and 40 year olds 0.89

00:15:59.420 and 26 year olds out there that say yo mike's been through the fucking ringer made it out he does 0.89

00:16:04.620 shit that i want to hear about so i like him and i and i what i hope and and by the way there's 40 0.96

00:16:09.740 year olds that like you and hate me as well it's all over the place so i what i hope to do and 0.95

00:16:14.640 what i hope we're able to do is find the balance between comedy and between saying things that

00:16:20.920 mean something to us and hitting the entire audience and making everybody happy that's

00:16:24.880 been our goal since day one one one last piece i'll put on it quickly is there ha i've struggled

00:16:32.400 a lot with some of the detractors talking about me talking about mental health too much or talking

00:16:37.080 about heroin addiction too much or my own addiction in my own dark days as you know over the past 40

00:16:44.160 or 50 episodes when i say something about one of those things it's generally a 15 to 30 second

00:16:49.740 blurb it is short it does not control the room it doesn't deteriorate the conversation whatsoever

00:16:54.800 well those 30 second comments drive comments in the youtube section about how people are tired

00:17:01.740 of hearing it they also drive inbox messages of mine from people saying what you said yesterday

00:17:08.340 made me stop shooting heroin or what you said six months ago continues to make me not want to cut

00:17:13.700 myself i will not censor those 30 second remarks i will not do it and if you can't stomach a 15 to

00:17:23.400 30 second remark every episode or two or three episodes about my past then i do not want you

00:17:29.300 to watch this show turn it off that's that's where i stand on it i try to do my best to balance humor

00:17:35.740 as well as as everything else that we have to talk about on the show but i do not want to stop 0.51

00:17:40.440 telling people out there who are having a hard time that things are going to get fucking better 0.78

00:17:45.700 and i won't stop fucking doing it i still want you guys to watch the show 0.81

00:17:50.240 so yes i'm balanced but but but well said very well said like it's hard for those people to hear 0.96

00:17:55.900 that like everyone just clicks off and you're like no come back this is just hope i promise

00:18:03.620 there's so much more it's hard for people that haven't lived a life like you mike to understand

00:18:07.120 that mindset but like you said the public sentiment is not echoing what's coming into

00:18:10.480 your private inbox that you know even changing or helping save one person's life is a yeah it's

00:18:16.000 these kids these kids are not for doing that thank you these kids are not as boisterous and as loud

00:18:21.660 as the comment makers to share in the YouTube public comment section,

00:18:26.180 hey, man, you helped me with my severe self-mutilation

00:18:30.080 or my severe addiction to meth.

00:18:33.660 That's a private matter, but I see them day in and day out

00:18:36.680 that all of our storylines, you too,

00:18:40.240 your storyline is doing the same thing

00:18:42.140 when you talk about struggles that you've been against.

00:18:44.020 So all I'm trying to say is I want to find the right balance

00:18:46.280 and I want everybody to be happy,

00:18:47.440 and that is what I'm working on doing.

00:18:49.580 That's it.

00:18:50.280 Nice.

00:18:50.600 I don't know how much 1.00

00:18:52.900 we want to dive into the shit that took place 0.99

00:18:54.640 but some takeaways is friendship 0.99

00:18:56.840 I mean if you're perfect

00:18:59.040 ideally your friendship is always

00:19:00.940 in the up and up but I think a real

00:19:02.740 healthy friendship should

00:19:04.180 have it's ups and it's downs

00:19:06.340 you guys have spent the past what

00:19:08.420 2-3 years together every single day 1.00

00:19:10.220 on each other's fucking dicks bro for 2 years 1.00

00:19:12.340 at what point 1.00

00:19:13.300 you guys are perfect we know that

00:19:15.520 that was hilarious

00:19:18.220 the girl who I've been instructed by the fans

00:19:20.580 also not to mention ever again on the show said to me that that fight should have been far worse

00:19:26.620 we got physical yeah but i do that's like that's like a dude thing yeah that's like we walked away

00:19:32.780 five minutes later we're fine yeah or like an hour you got it out of your system nah nah but

00:19:36.840 this this um a micro problem from a micro shrimp led to a macro problem on on multiple levels and 0.99

00:19:45.960 And so I guess, like, I'm proud, and I will pat both of us on the back for how we handled this, like fucking adults. 0.94

00:19:54.140 And there was no, like, why I left Team Maverick video or me, like, using you for clickbaiting anyways. 0.96

00:20:00.320 And by the way, I'm gonna.

00:20:01.800 For Wednesday's vlog, it will say Mike came back.

00:20:04.400 Well, also, at the same time, like, let's not say there weren't a couple $6 shrimp jokes thrown into the content.

00:20:10.420 Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:20:11.300 But that's, bro, like, I deflect with comedy.

00:20:14.640 Sure, sure.

00:20:14.820 and it's almost like ignoring it seems inauthentic of course so i might as well address it in a way

00:20:20.340 that's authentic to me and that's that's through comedy and and you did too bro you said you said

00:20:24.820 uh what was the thing you said he was doing lefts and right we were in the garage slinging left and

00:20:29.420 right insults at each other and i said come to think of it come to think of it he was just 0.94

00:20:33.580 slinging left insults he didn't sling a single right insult all fucking night i don't know how 0.90

00:20:37.540 to use my right hand milton i gotta work on that uh but yeah you're back and we have a we have 0.93

00:20:43.900 replace you with a parrot sorry mike was on beautiful uh the list of names mike was on the

00:20:51.240 list of names it's actually on the very back and it's the only one on that page yeah short for

00:20:55.580 michelangelo though oh really i'm i'm i'm i'm worried about a lot of people being disappointed

00:21:00.420 that his name came out to be sir but he just is a sir like we've we've we've been with him for

00:21:04.600 three days and what's his full name a huge sir dr mr is his full name

00:21:08.840 his full name is Sir the Grey

00:21:12.040 because he's an African Grey 0.94

00:21:12.920 but

00:21:13.180 we're coming up with names

00:21:15.260 and naming pets 0.98

00:21:16.040 is fucking hard 0.99

00:21:17.200 like if y'all ever named pets 0.99

00:21:18.640 you

00:21:18.780 you gotta feel out

00:21:19.900 their personality

00:21:20.520 and like with Maverick

00:21:21.280 we got lucky

00:21:21.840 Ginger was like perfect 0.99

00:21:23.080 Broly seems to fit him

00:21:24.340 but this one was difficult

00:21:25.660 because

00:21:25.980 I'm thinking I'm like

00:21:27.200 do we give him a human name

00:21:28.660 like an Isaac

00:21:29.200 because he's smart

00:21:29.900 like Isaac Newton

00:21:30.560 or like Theodore

00:21:31.780 like Theodore Roosevelt

00:21:32.640 and then

00:21:33.180 I'm thinking about me

00:21:34.260 cuddling next to my parrot

00:21:35.380 and being like

00:21:35.900 I love you Isaac

00:21:36.900 and like saying

00:21:38.500 saying a dude's name in that context didn't

00:21:40.620 seem right for me. Does sir make you

00:21:42.660 feel better? Saying sir?

00:21:45.320 I love cuddling you, sir.

00:21:48.780 It's a little less personal.

00:21:51.240 That's what I was going to say. It's a little

00:21:52.680 less... It's formal,

00:21:54.920 bro. I'll cuddle with my

00:21:56.540 butler, right?

00:21:58.600 And he'll...

00:22:00.440 Wait, you know what I'm saying?

00:22:01.940 No.

00:22:03.260 I will cuddle with my boys, but if I ever

00:22:06.580 have a butler, we'll cuddle.

00:22:08.500 and we'll call each other sir i i think i lost the plot you you kind of fell off the rails

00:22:15.000 he's getting to me man yeah how are you guys doing i'm great i love this i have not even

00:22:20.600 noticed that the days are changing it just kind of all flown together not a big deal so so as you

00:22:26.020 said earlier i was i was out of the house i've been i've been out guys i can't imagine what it's

00:22:31.100 like to be uh to be not living in this house and be stuck with a girlfriend like i mean i'm how

00:22:38.040 have y'all not killed each other it went it went surprisingly well i think i think she since she 0.60

00:22:43.700 was married or or by the way is is still married i don't fucking know right she knows the positive 0.73

00:22:53.060 things to do for a man and also how to avoid the negatives and so like when i wake up in the 1.00

00:22:58.340 morning there's food already ready wow it's already on the counter she's already postmated

00:23:03.380 coffee she's already done it right and if and and if she notices that i'm starting to stress out

00:23:09.180 i think i'm gonna go play sims for a little while in the bedroom gone gone for five hours and i just

00:23:14.440 work on my shit and then you know hydrospace yeah it was good you but she's very she's better at it 1.00

00:23:20.080 she does she's an expert sims does she make the sims fuck dude i know she does she has a cheat 0.99

00:23:25.920 code she plays with a cheat code it's a little thing that arrives in the mailbox and you click 0.99

00:23:30.460 the mailbox and it says uh fulfill all life's needs and she clicks it and they're extremely

00:23:35.500 happy that happened to her in real life too facts is there any way we can get more of those

00:23:41.680 but her uh one of the sims the sims 16th birthday party uh there was a fire

00:23:48.760 and the house caught the fire and she was really upset about that did she end up like 0.52

00:23:53.880 erasing the door to keep them in the fire room as well she does all kinds of shit but i mean 0.89

00:23:57.360 So while she does that, it's like, it's a whole world. 0.98

00:24:00.080 There's a whole world out there.

00:24:01.000 I don't believe it.

00:24:01.640 I never will.

00:24:02.300 I went for walks.

00:24:03.400 I did a whole bunch of stuff.

00:24:04.240 And more than anything, I'll hit this quick.

00:24:06.480 I don't even know how you're going to feel about this.

00:24:07.760 But all I did was watch Dave Portnoy.

00:24:09.860 El Presidente.

00:24:10.680 You had a big moment.

00:24:11.520 The bar stool Presidente. 0.91

00:24:14.600 El Prez.

00:24:15.980 All he does all day is about a week ago, he put his address out.

00:24:20.960 And people, anybody, was able to start sending him boxes to his house.

00:24:25.060 and so every night he does the unboxing

00:24:28.080 and it'll be anything

00:24:29.360 machete swords 0.99

00:24:30.440 fucking Wu-Tang Clan CDs 0.99

00:24:33.400 that's a great idea 0.99

00:24:35.120 I will say Portnoy is like

00:24:37.400 when I see him on those lives

00:24:39.000 I'm concerned

00:24:40.820 oh yeah

00:24:41.860 Dave I love you

00:24:44.700 but when I look at him on those lives

00:24:46.840 it looks like quarantine's gotten to him

00:24:49.080 oh yeah

00:24:50.040 he needs help

00:24:51.640 so maybe we should send him

00:24:54.620 Pizza

00:24:55.640 Oh he's doing those

00:24:57.520 He's doing these pizza reviews

00:24:58.400 Frozen pizzas

00:24:59.180 But

00:24:59.400 That is a part of his

00:25:01.380 Comedy too

00:25:02.340 I know

00:25:02.560 You know what I'm saying

00:25:03.340 He's definitely playing it up

00:25:04.200 He just seems like

00:25:05.220 He seems like he just 1.00

00:25:06.360 Did fucking lines of cocaine 1.00

00:25:07.720 15 lines 1.00

00:25:08.520 He's just unboxing 1.00

00:25:09.760 Machetes and shit 1.00

00:25:10.520 Oh jeez 1.00

00:25:10.800 And so

00:25:11.860 I got so excited

00:25:13.620 About this unboxing

00:25:14.440 You know

00:25:14.960 He gets 50,000 people watching

00:25:16.300 That I decided to send

00:25:17.480 A piece of Night Shift clothing

00:25:18.860 Wait you sent it?

00:25:19.720 Yeah

00:25:20.080 You sent it

00:25:20.700 I said send it to

00:25:21.820 Yes

00:25:22.180 I thought someone else said it

00:25:24.180 that would be amazing

00:25:24.960 that would be

00:25:25.600 that would be like epic

00:25:26.520 did you go to the post office

00:25:27.760 nah I called the people

00:25:29.100 who do the night shift merch

00:25:29.920 I said send Portnoy 1.00

00:25:30.920 a fucking clocked in hoodie 0.99

00:25:32.280 and within the first 1.00

00:25:33.260 like 15 minutes

00:25:34.020 of the unboxing

00:25:34.860 number 5 or 6

00:25:35.640 he popped it open

00:25:36.540 it was a pretty awesome

00:25:37.200 moment to see him

00:25:37.820 he's like clocked in boys

00:25:39.080 we're working late

00:25:40.440 on the night shift

00:25:41.320 it's a perfect sweater

00:25:42.280 and he put it in the good pile

00:25:43.920 cause he's got the good pile

00:25:44.880 and the bad pile

00:25:45.460 but Portnoy 1.00

00:25:46.300 shout out fucking Portnoy 1.00

00:25:48.040 dude you've got 1.00

00:25:48.620 you've single handedly

00:25:49.480 gotten me through

00:25:50.040 this tough time in my life

00:25:51.160 that's a smart man right there

00:25:52.940 I'm loving watching how people innovate

00:25:55.100 during this quarantine

00:25:56.160 Instagram live has just taken off

00:25:58.980 dude and you know

00:26:01.000 because it's going viral on other platforms

00:26:02.900 too like man Tory Lanez 0.89

00:26:04.940 got Alexis Texas twerking 1.00

00:26:07.100 on Instagram live

00:26:08.060 quarantine radio you got like 2 million

00:26:10.500 plus followers crazy bro

00:26:11.900 Tory Lanez picked up like 2 million followers

00:26:14.380 quarantine radio is the biggest thing of the 0.82

00:26:17.020 quarantine

00:26:17.180 he went up 2 million because of that

00:26:21.000 he's like

00:26:22.060 what was the stat? Something about

00:26:24.020 the most percentage increase

00:26:26.040 on all platforms of any independent artist

00:26:28.100 now. Yeah, quarantine radio

00:26:30.140 is the hottest thing that's happened so far. What do you mean quarantine

00:26:32.200 radio? That's what it's called. His

00:26:33.540 Instagram story. They shut it down, but the

00:26:36.080 Instagram CEO loves it. There's a whole controversy

00:26:38.340 about it. Did you see that? Did you see

00:26:40.040 the FaceTime with the Instagram CEO?

00:26:42.320 He was like, Tori? He's

00:26:43.540 a fucking middle-aged white dude. He's like, Tori, I love 1.00

00:26:46.160 quarantine radio, but you can't have 1.00

00:26:48.260 girls dancing with their vaginas out on Instagram. 0.99

00:26:50.340 he's like it's a rule and 0.99

00:26:52.080 dude it's all so good and I believe he 0.98

00:26:54.680 DM'd the girl

00:26:56.720 who won't be named to be a part 0.99

00:26:58.780 of it oh no way yeah and she just 1.00

00:27:00.740 doesn't do that kind of shit she just doesn't 1.00

00:27:02.420 she's not interested yeah 1.00

00:27:04.480 fans don't want to hear about her anymore 0.96

00:27:06.520 what does she think about 0.99

00:27:07.880 our little rift

00:27:10.760 unhappy

00:27:11.300 is she unhappy with me

00:27:13.420 I'm worried she's chirping at you and saying the wrong things

00:27:16.480 no no not that

00:27:18.100 no no no 0.99

00:27:18.640 Am I going to have to fucking duke it out with her? 0.99

00:27:23.120 Absolutely not. 0.96

00:27:23.980 Here's what she thinks.

00:27:25.340 Do you want to know what she says? 1.00

00:27:26.780 We're idiots. 1.00

00:27:28.420 She said that her... 1.00

00:27:30.340 No, but because of this, 0.98

00:27:31.420 she said her and every other girl 0.72

00:27:33.400 is laughing at us and saying, 1.00

00:27:35.460 are these fucking morons 1.00

00:27:37.340 still arguing about this fucking present? 1.00

00:27:39.900 It's been 14 days after all. 0.99

00:27:41.460 I know, I know.

00:27:42.700 Well, I've tried explaining that to her,

00:27:44.180 but she's not having it. 0.99

00:27:45.120 So she clocks out when the important shit, 1.00

00:27:46.820 when the real shit is. 1.00

00:27:47.600 Yeah, I guess so, yeah. 0.99

00:27:48.100 To come back to that, we talked, like, the big thing that we took away from this was expectation and how that leads to obligation.

00:27:53.640 Absolutely.

00:27:54.260 Like, those were two major lanes.

00:27:56.560 For both sides.

00:27:57.180 Yeah.

00:27:57.580 In my biggest, in our conversation, and this is actually, I want to turn to the audience and ask, like, I feel inauthentic when I fake, like, a gift.

00:28:09.880 It's also very circumstantial. 0.99

00:28:11.300 Like, bro, if my grandma who's dying gives me, like, a pair of socks for a Christmas gift, like, I'm going to tell her I love the fucking socks. 1.00

00:28:19.200 You're Dobby with the socks. 0.99

00:28:19.920 But this is my boy.

00:28:21.060 This is my boy who can take, he can take it if I'm, if I'm, if I'm honest and I'm like, and I go, bro, I don't like the gift.

00:28:27.060 Especially after months of saying, hey, dude, I'm probably not going to like the gift.

00:28:31.100 No matter what it is.

00:28:32.440 Don't get me a gift.

00:28:33.820 And, and, and, and, bro, it's, what did your mom say?

00:28:37.820 She said, Michael, he told you he doesn't like getting gifts.

00:28:40.980 he doesn't like his birthday

00:28:42.300 it's like if somebody told you

00:28:43.820 they don't like getting

00:28:44.460 poked in the eye

00:28:45.180 and you went into their

00:28:45.880 bedroom every morning

00:28:46.560 and you poked him 1.00

00:28:47.180 in the fucking eye 1.00

00:28:47.920 she said you shouldn't 1.00

00:28:49.420 have got him the fucking gift 0.99

00:28:50.480 and you know what 1.00

00:28:51.280 she's right

00:28:51.820 and she's absolutely right

00:28:53.100 and it was just a big

00:28:54.020 I thought

00:28:55.180 I really did

00:28:56.620 think

00:28:57.500 that I was gonna change

00:28:59.020 all that

00:28:59.500 I thought

00:29:00.020 I was like

00:29:00.420 this kid loves

00:29:01.300 this animal

00:29:02.280 this wild animal

00:29:03.440 I was like

00:29:03.940 you told him

00:29:04.540 did Mil tell you

00:29:05.860 what

00:29:06.380 did you tell him

00:29:07.260 that I wasn't gonna like it

00:29:08.280 no

00:29:09.420 what are you doing Mil

00:29:10.620 Oh, he's just laughing.

00:29:11.060 Milo's behind the camera like this.

00:29:13.280 Well, hold on.

00:29:14.060 And also, another thing.

00:29:15.280 Oh, yeah, your gift was good.

00:29:17.020 Another thing to note, too, is, you know,

00:29:19.360 there's been how people in the inner circle have reacted to the gift.

00:29:25.460 Everybody's laughing about the gift.

00:29:26.680 I do want to say it was Mac's idea to start.

00:29:29.780 It was.

00:29:30.300 Was it not?

00:29:31.160 No, it's Mac's idea.

00:29:32.440 Was it your idea?

00:29:33.420 I want to say this.

00:29:34.540 Some of this is because of the whole thing.

00:29:37.120 But it's the idea that counts.

00:29:39.280 You were the one that activated on it

00:29:40.400 We all took part in it

00:29:41.680 We all, you know, had this thing

00:29:43.200 Some people had a more inflammatory response

00:29:45.920 True, facts, facts

00:29:46.580 Not me

00:29:47.360 Facts, Mac was very chill

00:29:48.740 And also, the other people who aren't in this room right now 0.96

00:29:52.900 That have said, it was a shitty gift 0.62

00:29:54.700 I asked those people 0.67

00:29:56.180 What'd you get them?

00:29:58.120 Exactly what I wanted

00:29:58.920 Yeah, fine, fine

00:30:00.680 I get it, I get it

00:30:01.840 But still, your situation is so upside down

00:30:04.080 It's so whack

00:30:04.840 It's so whack

00:30:06.340 Jake came over

00:30:07.480 He goes, you know what, I got you?

00:30:08.720 I go, what, bro? 0.99

00:30:09.280 goes nothing i go thank you so much thank you so much smart fucking kid mom and dad nothing but 0.96

00:30:14.420 but here's why here's why this works because i know mike's heart and i know his intentions 0.95

00:30:19.580 were good and and that that is i never ever questioned mike's intentions or loyalty those

00:30:26.240 execution those are two words with a lot of weight and i refuse to be 50 years old and tell tell my

00:30:32.080 kids when they see 170 episodes of a podcast with some dude named mike in it and vlogs with some guy

00:30:37.640 named mike and my kids are gonna go who's that guy dad when they like growing up watching my 0.66

00:30:41.600 shit i'm like oh that was a guy named mike they go what happened to him dad i'm like well he got 0.91

00:30:45.360 me a shrimp and i kicked him out of my house and now he's homeless i'm a brea i won't do it i can't 0.97

00:30:50.020 you think your kids are gonna watch your stuff i know they will and i feel bad for him because i i

00:30:54.580 i'm worried it'll set expectations for them like they need to but knowing me my kid will probably 0.98

00:31:00.480 want to try to one-up me which is a very hard thing to do because like i've done a lot of shit 0.93

00:31:05.960 and I push myself to levels 0.92

00:31:07.200 that probably aren't the safest.

00:31:09.400 What's up?

00:31:10.580 Do you see this parrot?

00:31:12.060 He's happy. 1.00

00:31:12.360 He's like a fucking shrimp. 1.00

00:31:13.580 He's got something to say. 1.00

00:31:14.400 So check it out.

00:31:15.400 He's three months old right now

00:31:16.640 and he'll start speaking fully,

00:31:18.500 12 to 18 months, 0.98

00:31:19.480 but we've been saying shit to him like, 1.00

00:31:21.440 motherfucker, and I love you, 1.00

00:31:23.880 but let's see what he has to say. 1.00

00:31:30.160 Sounds kind of like nothing.

00:31:34.180 He's working on it.

00:31:35.100 Sounds like an animalistic sound.

00:31:36.180 He's a sweetheart.

00:31:36.580 But yeah, bro, I'm worried about my kids watching any of my stuff.

00:31:41.660 Like who doesn't move thinking that one day you're supposed to be setting a good example,

00:31:47.180 but sometimes it's hard when you're having your assistant drive your G-Wagon over you

00:31:52.220 and be dragged down a street with a rope.

00:31:54.780 Like how can I tell my kid when he's growing up, like, be careful.

00:31:59.740 Like he's not going to listen because I was not careful.

00:32:02.160 I mean, I am, especially now to a degree, but there's recklessness that takes place

00:32:07.660 that I hope my kid does not try to replicate.

00:32:10.000 You are assuming that your kid's going to think you're cool, number one.

00:32:13.380 Oh.

00:32:14.040 You know, you definitely don't know that.

00:32:16.340 But I feel like I've failed as a dad if my kid doesn't.

00:32:19.080 You can be cool.

00:32:19.940 Maybe he won't think the stuff that's happening now is cool.

00:32:22.360 I don't know.

00:32:22.540 Who knows?

00:32:23.000 We don't.

00:32:23.500 Him, her, whatever the child is. 1.00

00:32:25.960 Non-gender. 0.98

00:32:27.280 But yeah, we don't know that your child is going to like your content. 0.98

00:32:30.560 because every kid's like oh my dad's

00:32:32.460 because then they'll grow up

00:32:34.880 and have a phase where they don't even want to talk to you and then eventually

00:32:36.900 they'll be like oh wow my dad's the coolest guy ever

00:32:38.700 and then maybe they'll try to replicate

00:32:40.840 it but they're going to live in a shadow

00:32:42.600 some sort of. No see I would hope not

00:32:45.080 I would hope not and you know who's actually done

00:32:46.900 a really good job of that is

00:32:48.080 Will Smith's kids

00:32:50.000 I mean they also have the coolest dad in the history of the planet

00:32:53.200 and they're incredibly talented

00:32:54.600 I'm going to be a way cool kid

00:32:56.340 and I just feel like

00:32:58.320 Jaden has done such a good job

00:33:00.840 Of not being Will Smith's son

00:33:02.280 Like he's Jaden Smith

00:33:03.320 Have you heard Willow's music

00:33:05.300 She's amazing

00:33:07.760 Yeah she's amazing

00:33:09.080 Is that gonna stress the fans 1.00

00:33:12.000 The peeping

00:33:13.720 Just cause the audio

00:33:16.000 No you're

00:33:18.140 I mean it also like

00:33:19.360 Maybe should we give him back or what

00:33:22.060 I mean I call Ginger

00:33:23.840 He's gonna have to learn 0.95

00:33:24.800 by the way ginger doesn't live here anymore i mean technically he's right behind the bird 1.00

00:33:31.180 yeah that's a pillow and i told him to stay away from to stay away from her also dude yo i don't 0.65

00:33:38.040 know if you know this about birds they got really small dicks so you can't actually tell their gender

00:33:42.380 we don't know if he's a man and so when we get him dna checked which is the the right way to

00:33:47.320 identify a bird's gender if sir comes back as a female there's gonna be some major problems

00:33:52.460 I'm also talking to this bird a lot

00:33:54.560 I feel weird talking to animals sometimes

00:33:57.680 Because you know how everyone has an animal voice

00:33:59.320 Do you know this?

00:34:01.140 That's what I'm saying

00:34:01.860 Everyone talks to their pets a certain way

00:34:06.100 I don't talk like that to my pets

00:34:07.540 You don't have any pets

00:34:08.560 Bruh, you're telling me you go home

00:34:10.720 You talk to Finnegan like a human

00:34:12.300 No way

00:34:12.900 Hi Finnegan

00:34:16.000 I've seen you do it to Rhea

00:34:17.180 My sweet sweet Rhea 1.00

00:34:20.620 Every time I see her

00:34:21.940 So it's your animal voice.

00:34:23.380 And it's important to me, I realize this, that if I get in a relationship with someone,

00:34:28.440 they got to have a cute animal voice.

00:34:31.100 Bruh, can you, I mean.

00:34:32.780 No, I think you just need to start having like real conversations with the bird.

00:34:35.540 So it like conceptualizes actual thought instead of just repeating words. 0.98

00:34:39.640 Like metaphysical type shit? 0.98

00:34:41.140 It could be anything. 1.00

00:34:42.000 He's a genius bird.

00:34:42.960 Yeah, he would be smart.

00:34:43.800 I'm thinking about sending him to college like at Loyola University or.

00:34:48.220 He'll probably get a sponsorship when he grows up.

00:34:50.300 Sure.

00:34:50.580 but yeah dude

00:34:51.520 I'm talking to my bird

00:34:52.320 and I say this

00:34:53.420 I go

00:34:53.720 I go

00:34:54.340 good morning handsome

00:34:55.820 good morning handsome

00:34:57.140 and then for my dogs

00:34:58.180 it's this

00:34:58.620 I go

00:34:59.020 hey big man

00:35:00.200 you're such a big dog

00:35:01.140 you're so big and cute

00:35:02.920 and everyone likes you

00:35:04.280 and I'm

00:35:04.900 when I do this

00:35:06.380 I go 1.00

00:35:06.760 you know I fucking suck 1.00

00:35:08.820 like is this 1.00

00:35:09.880 is this cringe

00:35:10.700 if I

00:35:11.580 if I invite like a

00:35:13.020 a girl that I

00:35:13.760 that I like to come over

00:35:14.820 for the first time

00:35:15.440 and I'm

00:35:15.800 talking to my dog

00:35:16.860 like that

00:35:17.360 this could be a problem

00:35:19.000 you gotta develop

00:35:19.600 your animal voice

00:35:20.340 dogs is so reasonable i think it depends on the animal like if you if you talk to your fish like 0.95

00:35:25.720 that you're you're weird i do this to my fish i go hey you go mr fish you dumb it down almost

00:35:32.760 hey go miss fish i got you food yeah do you think they're i've seen it i've seen it but like so if 0.72

00:35:38.680 you have like a how if say you had a hamster can you come up with how does how does lana talk to

00:35:42.900 her hamster she just she just strokes it she's into stroking things yeah you don't say

00:35:48.240 bro that's a funny story

00:35:56.600 alright so this pair of repeats things right

00:35:58.620 I put him next to my bed

00:36:00.620 cause I'm obsessed with him and he cuddles in the morning

00:36:02.520 for hours on end and

00:36:04.440 bro you know quarantine 0.98

00:36:06.460 leads to masturbation that's facts you can't tell me 0.76

00:36:08.640 it's not facts 1.00

00:36:09.260 or just outright just fuck 0.98

00:36:12.460 fess shout out to all the people out there 1.00

00:36:14.640 that are locked up with their significant other

00:36:17.100 You guys are crushing it.

00:36:19.200 I mean, dude, it's all you kind of do.

00:36:22.040 But check it out.

00:36:22.720 Marshall Sports posted this. 0.75

00:36:24.320 Americans are excessively eating, drinking, smoking pot,

00:36:26.500 playing video games, and watching porn while quarantined.

00:36:28.360 You can't tell me it's not true.

00:36:30.140 Sorry.

00:36:30.560 Sorry.

00:36:30.880 Sorry, sir.

00:36:32.560 I'm so sorry.

00:36:33.440 Sorry, sir.

00:36:34.640 You can't tell me it's not true.

00:36:36.440 So, birds next to my bed.

00:36:38.460 You know, it's like midnight.

00:36:39.940 Maybe rub one out real quick.

00:36:41.440 Relax a little bit.

00:36:42.260 Go to bed.

00:36:43.100 I whip up Pornhub.

00:36:44.140 I'm ready to go.

00:36:44.900 I look and see my parrot

00:36:46.360 Who repeats everything he hears

00:36:47.700 I go

00:36:48.880 Nope

00:36:50.500 Not today

00:36:52.120 Pocketed the phone 0.97

00:36:53.880 Left with blue balls

00:36:56.080 In my own room

00:36:57.260 Because of my own hands

00:36:58.800 I can't watch porn in front of my parrot 0.83

00:37:01.240 He's just gonna repeat it 0.53

00:37:02.200 Can you imagine the parrot coming downstairs

00:37:04.880 Or you come downstairs

00:37:05.980 And the parrot's like

00:37:06.840 How'd you get stuck in there step sis

00:37:08.580 Bro bro

00:37:09.680 The parrot goes

00:37:11.000 We can't do this

00:37:12.280 You're my step sister

00:37:14.000 You missed that, brother. 0.54

00:37:15.020 Do you think he would ever repeat, like, sex noises or something?

00:37:17.160 Yeah, bro.

00:37:17.520 He'll go like this.

00:37:18.200 He'll be like, ah, ah, harder, harder. 1.00

00:37:20.020 Shut up. 0.99

00:37:20.640 Not interested. 0.99

00:37:21.460 What if he made music out of that?

00:37:23.920 Oh, I see what you're doing here.

00:37:27.240 TikTok.

00:37:27.600 Yeah, so nice transition, Mac. 0.93

00:37:30.440 TikTok did something to Mike's girlfriend.

00:37:34.300 Well, TikTok didn't do it.

00:37:35.520 I guess some.

00:37:36.340 But TikTok did do it, bro. 1.00

00:37:37.800 Oh, because she goes nuts on TikTok.

00:37:41.360 I mean.

00:37:41.580 I mean like she watches it no well that too but just just to start this the fact that this girl 1.00

00:37:47.880 doesn't have a tick tock is the dumbest thing like she would have 40 million fucking followers 0.99

00:37:51.620 yeah yeah every squad I run into on bat on a on a war zone oh shit nice every every squad I run 1.00

00:37:59.860 into on the new call of duty is Lana Rhodes and Riley Reid that's who you're facing up against 0.87

00:38:03.880 Everybody change their name to it.

00:38:05.240 Oh! 1.00

00:38:08.640 He just shit all over you, man. 1.00

00:38:10.780 Bad? 1.00

00:38:12.640 It's on your sleeve.

00:38:13.980 I'm so sorry.

00:38:15.080 Hey, man.

00:38:15.700 This is what comes with being a bird owner.

00:38:18.260 As a former bird owner myself, I respect his decision.

00:38:21.300 I don't like it.

00:38:22.380 It's not bad.

00:38:23.640 We're going to fix this.

00:38:25.960 Look, come to daddy. 1.00

00:38:27.640 Shit on your uncle, then come to daddy. 1.00

00:38:29.100 Maybe the cage. 1.00

00:38:30.020 Come on, buddy.

00:38:31.420 This is the new norm.

00:38:32.620 We just got to get used to this.

00:38:33.880 I can't really see it.

00:38:35.860 I'm in a compromised position.

00:38:37.700 I'll get it.

00:38:39.400 Let's clean up that bird poop from your head and we'll be right back. 0.99

00:38:44.560 No, he won't shit on me because he just went. 0.99

00:38:46.220 I know I'm good to go. 1.00

00:38:47.200 That's so much shit. 1.00

00:38:49.040 It's on your hat too. 1.00

00:38:50.860 Can someone help?

00:38:51.720 I got a bird on my head.

00:38:53.440 I could do it.

00:38:55.440 It's my bird, I guess. 1.00

00:38:57.100 Clean your bird's shit off me. 1.00

00:39:01.480 Mil, Mil, Mil. 1.00

00:39:02.740 Milt's just rubbing it into my shirt as much as possible.

00:39:05.780 That's not the strategy.

00:39:07.400 You got to hit it.

00:39:09.220 It's a blot.

00:39:10.260 What, Mike?

00:39:10.580 It's a blot.

00:39:11.960 What?

00:39:13.700 Say it, Mike.

00:39:14.540 The house is turning into a safari.

00:39:16.640 The house is turning into a safari.

00:39:18.340 I made Logan look me directly in the eyes and promise that he would not turn into a rare animal collector.

00:39:24.940 Yeah, like Joe Exotic.

00:39:26.280 Yeah, I am so terrified that you will.

00:39:29.560 I love animals.

00:39:30.480 I know.

00:39:30.980 Here's my problem.

00:39:31.540 I also got no patience, so I can only devote my time and energy to, like, one at a time.

00:39:36.980 Yeah, but you have a lot of time and a lot of money, and you can have people do it.

00:39:40.800 But if I'm not connecting with them, I'm not interested.

00:39:44.020 Why would you do that?

00:39:46.420 Nah, it's beautiful.

00:39:48.140 I think we just spray it with some spray.

00:39:50.120 This is a pretty impulsive moment.

00:39:52.120 I'm having no problems here. 0.99

00:39:53.960 There's just bird shit on me. 0.99

00:39:55.300 Some people say that's a sign of good luck. 0.99

00:39:57.860 Bro, bro, in high school, I don't know if you remember this.

00:40:00.480 we were outside eating lunch one day

00:40:02.180 and a bird pooped on me from the sky.

00:40:03.880 That's cool.

00:40:04.520 And everyone made fun of me.

00:40:07.120 It was so embarrassing.

00:40:09.440 And then someone told me that it was good luck

00:40:11.160 that a bird pooped on you.

00:40:13.420 Then I got denied a $100,000 scholarship to owe you.

00:40:17.120 But then you got it again.

00:40:18.320 A different scholarship.

00:40:19.280 But I got the one that I wanted.

00:40:22.060 So that's good luck.

00:40:23.260 Yeah, maybe.

00:40:24.300 Anyways, yeah, yeah.

00:40:25.120 You're going to get a scholarship now

00:40:26.520 because that happened.

00:40:27.400 That's great.

00:40:27.940 I've been looking for a scholarship.

00:40:29.380 You're not going to college?

00:40:30.360 Why are you doing that?

00:40:31.320 I want to go to architecture school.

00:40:33.380 Still?

00:40:34.080 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:34.480 Bro, shut up. 1.00

00:40:35.220 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:35.580 You're going to be a student?

00:40:36.360 I love to be studious.

00:40:37.980 I love to learn.

00:40:39.540 And architecture is one of those things where I feel like my brain could handle it.

00:40:44.720 Now, it's like the time investment and workload and all that stuff where I like to have other

00:40:48.480 things that I do.

00:40:49.800 So, I don't know if it's the right move.

00:40:51.700 What were we talking about before the bird pooped on my head?

00:40:54.700 Oh, yeah.

00:40:55.100 TikTok.

00:40:55.320 Yeah.

00:40:55.640 So, Lana goes hard on TikTok even though she's not on TikTok.

00:40:58.840 It's fascinating.

00:40:59.000 It's just the conversation.

00:41:00.240 And so this happened.

00:41:01.780 There's this dude.

00:41:03.340 I thought about this girl Lana Rhodes on TikTok.

00:41:05.640 And so I looked her up and boy, I was not disappointed. 0.99

00:41:08.780 So I thought, Lana Rhodes making a beat out of weird sounds, 0.96

00:41:12.520 making a beat out of Lana Rhodes. 1.00

00:41:14.260 Step one, get the sounds.

00:41:15.860 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:41:18.620 All right, these are the sounds we're working with.

00:41:20.260 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:41:22.960 Let me just pause it real quick. 1.00

00:41:24.940 I had a girl do this recently. 0.95

00:41:26.720 It's called the crescendo, the crescendo moan. 1.00

00:41:28.720 for each thrust

00:41:30.260 they get louder faster

00:41:32.220 and quicker it's like

00:41:34.160 it's like

00:41:34.980 step two now take these sounds

00:41:40.080 and now make it sound like a beat

00:41:42.000 I'm gonna be honest

00:41:50.460 he lost me there and I don't really care about the rest of it

00:41:52.400 because it no longer sounds like Lana Rose

00:41:53.760 but what happened after

00:41:55.360 so I see this

00:41:57.040 So, bro, this looks like a, this is a TikTok he posted later.

00:42:04.040 This looks like a DM from you, Mike, from Hey Big Mike. 1.00

00:42:06.680 Yo, what the fuck? 1.00

00:42:07.380 You disrespecting my girl for her. 1.00

00:42:09.200 You better not drop that song, I swear.

00:42:11.660 Can you imagine?

00:42:13.460 And so the initial reaction to it is all the fans are like, oh my God, Hey Big Mike, do 0.99

00:42:20.080 you, does anyone think that I would ever respond to this bullshit? 0.98

00:42:24.080 I didn't mind the song. 0.99

00:42:25.840 That's great.

00:42:26.540 super creative so okay so wait so this dude made this well yeah because look he made one for lana

00:42:31.080 too a couple videos back it was it was a dm from lana oh my god i heard your beat you made on tiktok

00:42:36.920 it was so fire you should drop that song and so and so because and so what i got from this yeah 0.77

00:42:44.020 and so i'm like yo obviously i'm not gonna respond to this shit because it's just gonna get him 0.95

00:42:47.700 fucking views on it but then the dude starts making fake dms that i sent him and then i start 0.98

00:42:54.520 getting messages from uh like little kids that are like yo i saw you went at my boy in the dms 0.99

00:43:00.180 and there's a whole fucking storyline running of this bullshit and imagine me just sitting there 0.99

00:43:06.580 like what the fuck is going on right now so i i got some learnings from it one is the age 1.00

00:43:12.920 keep talking one is the age of people on did the is the bird alive the bird's fine this bird has 0.98

00:43:19.840 turned into quite the distraction yeah we're able to put them in one thing i noticed or thought of

00:43:25.160 is the age of fans on social media and and especially the age of the fans on tiktok

00:43:30.960 when they saw those messages a lot of people automatically thought that you did someone

00:43:36.820 had messaged them yeah it's believable and it and it brought up another thought point for me which

00:43:42.240 was the it is an example of the uh issue we will continue to dive into and examine and deal with

00:43:50.880 which is deep fakes and photoshop and photoshopping now this is now this is an example obviously 0.99

00:43:56.040 doesn't matter this kid's here today nobody's gonna give a fuck about any of this shit tomorrow 0.98

00:43:59.400 right gone but if if somebody has a deep fake video of trump saying something that he didn't 0.99

00:44:07.300 actually say totally we've got ourselves a fucking problem and so it this whole situation and all 0.96

00:44:13.440 this shit happening on tiktok's had me thinking about this stuff but man how do you combat no no 0.97

00:44:17.900 all right bro so i can relate because mike's coming to me with stuff that didn't happen 0.99

00:44:22.340 that people are judging him on right so i said bro that's that's crazy but have you ever sucked 0.99

00:44:28.980 a dick online but not in real life because that happened to me i go i go according to the internet 0.99

00:44:35.940 bro i was getting face fucked upside down but in real life i just i don't remember it happening 0.99

00:44:41.860 no you gotta you can't say that because then that was my fault that was my problem that's 0.86

00:44:49.840 what i ran into that i don't recall moment is always a tough one uh nah because i don't think

00:44:55.740 you did that it's not i did that's no that's what that's what i'm saying it didn't happen so like

00:44:59.720 it's funny how the internet can uh completely fabricate a narrative around you and but it's

00:45:05.180 people run with it well you taught me you taught me early it was one and obviously i've had so many 0.74

00:45:10.100 fucking lessons from you and i've taken so much value out of this this relationship and working 0.84

00:45:14.040 with you and what and what is seriously though not you know one of one of the biggest things 1.00

00:45:19.180 you taught me early was don't don't respond to ever respond to these motherfuckers dude 0.97

00:45:24.600 as soon as even this even this obviously now but this is funny because also it's all good it's all 0.99

00:45:29.920 good yeah i'll i'll i'll poke at the kid but fucking who cares no of course getting his 0.89

00:45:35.380 content no it's cool it's cool it's super it was creative and shit but but let me let me just 0.96

00:45:39.400 finish this one part but it but it's it brings up a bigger thing to me which is like this ain't the 0.79

00:45:43.620 only kid talking shit there's a there's there's a couple channels that make videos all fucking day 0.83

00:45:49.100 on me on you on me and you like 22 000 views 18 000 views and i'll get 200 i'll get i'll get 12 0.99

00:45:56.780 or 16 messages every time a video comes out.

00:45:59.120 Hey, are you going to respond to these guys?

00:46:01.160 Are you going to respond to these guys? 1.00

00:46:03.180 Fuck no, I'm not going to respond 1.00

00:46:04.820 to these dudes. When they get 100,000 1.00

00:46:07.200 views or anyone

00:46:09.000 gives up... What's the view count that does elicit a response?

00:46:11.140 That's my question. When the minority 0.98

00:46:13.120 turns the majority, more people

00:46:15.000 are disliked. Well, don't ever be that. That's what I'm saying.

00:46:17.000 One boo is louder than 1,000 cheers.

00:46:19.460 What do you think it is?

00:46:22.240 500k?

00:46:23.140 Nah, bro. I think it's so circumstantial.

00:46:25.280 Like, like, uh, who knows if something, if something stimulates you in a way, like if

00:46:30.660 this video, like this, this was, this was actually funny.

00:46:34.120 Like we're, it was great.

00:46:34.980 We're talking about it now.

00:46:35.900 Of course it's great.

00:46:36.320 It's great.

00:46:36.760 It was great.

00:46:37.340 Created, great creativity on the video.

00:46:39.120 The part I just didn't like is how he tried to one up it and make it seem like people 0.99

00:46:43.500 were actually fucking giving a fuck. 0.98

00:46:45.160 That's that, that's where like, that's where it takes a turn for the worst for me. 1.00

00:46:49.980 Yeah.

00:46:50.680 Uh, and bro, I get to make your content, but now, now that you're, your Photoshop,

00:46:55.280 Shopping DMs to put words in people's mouths.

00:46:57.660 I don't know, bro.

00:46:58.720 That's like some.

00:46:59.900 You guys remember before all this quarantine started and we were having fun and going to

00:47:04.800 parties and there's that one place and there's the fireplace on the wall and it was really

00:47:08.080 hot and there were a million people.

00:47:09.880 Warwick.

00:47:10.160 Warwick.

00:47:10.540 No, no, no.

00:47:11.140 It was a house party.

00:47:12.240 Oh, yeah.

00:47:13.760 That guy was there one time.

00:47:15.460 Oh, you met?

00:47:16.080 You actually met the dude?

00:47:16.920 I didn't meet him, but he was there.

00:47:18.600 Oh, really?

00:47:19.260 Yeah.

00:47:19.500 But it's just, you know.

00:47:20.120 How do you know?

00:47:21.300 Because I remember him.

00:47:23.060 I'd seen him before.

00:47:23.760 I'd seen his stuff before.

00:47:24.320 Something tells me that if that party happened again tomorrow,

00:47:27.500 the first thing he would do is be like,

00:47:28.500 hey, man, can I get a pic?

00:47:29.920 Me?

00:47:30.600 No, no, him.

00:47:31.640 Oh, with you guys?

00:47:32.380 No, no, with himself.

00:47:33.280 Or with himself.

00:47:34.100 Hey, man.

00:47:34.740 He just asked himself, hey, man, can I get a selfie?

00:47:37.520 No, because then now, say we do meet the dude in real life, 0.99

00:47:40.660 is he going to post some smart-ass caption lying about some shit? 0.99

00:47:45.020 I don't know. 1.00

00:47:45.280 Well, obviously.

00:47:46.720 We've gone too far down this road.

00:47:49.260 I don't even know who this kid is.

00:47:50.300 You just showed me this before the podcast started.

00:47:52.220 What's the first thing you're going to do in all this quarantine stuff?

00:47:54.640 Plant a lemon tree.

00:47:55.760 Go to the beach.

00:47:56.460 Yep.

00:47:57.160 You're going to plant a lemon tree?

00:47:58.340 Yep.

00:47:58.640 I want a lemon tree.

00:47:59.560 I'm dead serious.

00:48:00.340 You're lying.

00:48:00.540 I want a lemon tree. 1.00

00:48:01.600 I want a fucking lemon tree. 0.99

00:48:02.760 It's what I want, and I'm going to have it. 0.99

00:48:04.760 Hey, Mike, can I tell you that I've actually planted three lemon trees before?

00:48:07.980 Really?

00:48:08.400 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:09.060 Now you're a liar. 0.86

00:48:09.620 I used to work in a greenhouse, and I took seeds out of a lemon, put them into a little pot, and then they started to grow. 0.57

00:48:18.100 So I have a lemon tree that's already growing.

00:48:20.720 It's just back in Cincinnati.

00:48:22.000 Oh, we'll just go get it, yeah? 1.00

00:48:24.000 Fuck off, Mac! 1.00

00:48:25.020 Let's get a new better lemon tree! 1.00

00:48:26.700 But they take a long time to grow.

00:48:28.100 How long?

00:48:28.500 Oh, really?

00:48:29.820 How long?

00:48:30.860 Well, it's a plant, and then it turns into a tree, so you have to wait.

00:48:33.400 Mine did not even resemble a tree until, like, a year and a half.

00:48:37.840 Not even, like, resemble, I'm talking, like, got about this tall after a year and a half. 0.98

00:48:41.260 Damn, at what age do they start sprouting lemons? 0.98

00:48:43.760 That's such a great question. 0.99

00:48:44.280 I'm sorry about that.

00:48:45.620 You can see the hurt.

00:48:46.360 It's a patience thing.

00:48:47.880 It'd definitely be a lifelong...

00:48:49.880 I bring it up because I was walking yesterday on some random street and I saw a lemon tree 0.99

00:48:54.800 and it had these big, fat fucking lemons on it. 0.98

00:48:57.380 And I was thinking, I saw that in a lavender bush. 0.99

00:49:01.280 Have you ever seen a lavender bush?

00:49:02.660 Yeah, they're nice.

00:49:03.420 The smell from it that it emitted was sweet, serene, and just peaceful.

00:49:09.120 It made me feel peaceful.

00:49:10.920 And then I haven't felt like that in ages.

00:49:12.880 Do you think that if plants grow fruits or flowers over a fence line and they're like

00:49:17.520 hanging into the sidewalk there that they're available to the world unfortunately yeah you do

00:49:22.440 yeah i do how can you expect your lemons not to be gone if they're in like a technically public

00:49:27.720 domain i i like i would say that yeah if you're the person growing them and they're growing into

00:49:32.840 the sidewalk please take a lemon yeah i've definitely picked like an apple from like a

00:49:38.040 neighbor's tree that was overgrown into my yard for sure we made apple pie out of it oh my god

00:49:43.060 That one girl told me that you can do hybrid lemon-lime trees.

00:49:46.980 That can't be right, right?

00:49:47.940 I think that's called Sprite.

00:49:50.160 You can go Sprite on a tree.

00:49:53.400 It's quite possible.

00:49:54.880 Sprite possible.

00:49:57.740 I was sad the other day.

00:49:59.960 Well, I'm back now, man.

00:50:02.540 Maybe it was because of you.

00:50:04.520 Maybe you.

00:50:04.980 Oh, it was because of you.

00:50:06.360 Oh, I probably just made you sad.

00:50:07.800 It wasn't because I was gone.

00:50:09.560 No, because you were gone.

00:50:10.620 It was one of the first days it happened. 0.97

00:50:11.680 And I was like, damn, I'm, I'm sad. 0.94

00:50:14.200 And I had this, like, I don't know if it's a bad habit, but we'll call it a bad habit. 0.95

00:50:17.760 I have this bad habit where when I'm sad and I do start to, like, feel emotions that I do not like, I prefer to not.

00:50:24.980 And so I kind of clock out via weed or alcohol. 0.97

00:50:30.840 And so I was like, damn, dude, this is, this isn't, this is, I don't want to be feeling like this. 0.95

00:50:36.580 I might smoke a little bit and just, like, ease my mind for a little bit. 0.90

00:50:41.280 and then i i went outside and uh danny pulled me behind the yeti on skis water skis and we went

00:50:49.900 ran ran around on the street doing that and afterwards i was like well i'm not i'm not sad

00:50:54.500 anymore that was fun like i had a good i had a good good ass time doing that and it and it

00:50:58.860 distracted me it was it was almost like what what the uh marijuana would have done but in a healthy

00:51:05.020 way. This too shall pass is a phrase that got me past all the Tokyo shit. Like people would call 0.99

00:51:11.660 me and they'd go, yo, this too shall pass. And at the time I did not believe it. I thought my life

00:51:17.960 was over and the days could only get worse. But indeed it kind of, it kind of life, life goes on

00:51:24.900 dude. And, and time is your, is your friend. So I guess, I guess maybe what I'm saying is if you're

00:51:30.960 sad or feeling some type of way don't distract yourself with an unhealthy habit do something

00:51:36.200 that you know you or you think you might have fun doing bro it could be playing a video game

00:51:41.020 it could be facetiming a friend from home uh playing with your kid whatever it is i think if

00:51:46.860 you can distract yourself with something healthier you'll you'll come out with the same effect and in

00:51:52.740 the long run be better because you didn't do the thing that is deemed unnecessary or unhealthy

00:51:59.900 Am I making sense?

00:52:00.800 Yeah, it was great.

00:52:01.360 It's hard when you're in a darker situation and the distraction,

00:52:04.380 while it does work for the time, after that's done,

00:52:06.720 you come back and you still have the cycling thoughts.

00:52:08.380 It's bad.

00:52:08.960 But those little things, they chip away.

00:52:11.980 And as you keep going and doing more things to distract you

00:52:15.500 or put your mind in a position to do other things

00:52:19.740 other than think about sad thoughts,

00:52:21.000 it will slowly deteriorate the sad thoughts.

00:52:23.000 When we were at the ranch and Jake was going through his breakup with Julia

00:52:26.100 or whatever they were going through,

00:52:27.180 and bro I know this kid

00:52:28.480 just depressed

00:52:29.840 out of his mind

00:52:31.040 immense sadness

00:52:31.800 I tried so hard

00:52:34.420 to keep him away

00:52:35.200 from his phone

00:52:35.880 and sitting on that 1.00

00:52:36.780 fucking couch 1.00

00:52:37.380 because I knew 1.00

00:52:38.460 the longer we could

00:52:39.240 keep him distracted 1.00

00:52:39.900 doing dumb shit 1.00

00:52:40.520 like boat races 1.00

00:52:41.260 and like pouring paint

00:52:42.100 on him 0.95

00:52:42.440 or shooting guns

00:52:43.140 and riding dirt bikes

00:52:43.740 that's what I'm saying

00:52:44.140 he's not gonna be

00:52:45.160 tormenting himself

00:52:46.100 with these thoughts

00:52:46.900 so like

00:52:47.220 I know it's hard

00:52:48.600 and the easy solution

00:52:49.660 is the drugs

00:52:50.800 and alcohol

00:52:51.440 but stimulate your mind

00:52:54.160 attempt to stimulate

00:52:55.160 your mind

00:52:55.620 in a different

00:52:56.080 healthier way

00:52:56.700 it's better for you and no that's a i mean it's great it's a great point i mean is it it's that's

00:53:03.120 the i mean this too shall pass is the mantra of every yeah addiction alcoholism group and oh

00:53:09.480 really oh yeah this too shall pass is on every single fucking a meeting wall yeah it's a big 0.52

00:53:14.020 it's a big thing that and the serenity prayer which which has been huge for me the past the 0.75

00:53:17.980 past week god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot cannot change and do more

00:53:26.040 good stuff

00:53:26.820 on the things I can 0.99

00:53:27.580 fuck 1.00

00:53:28.040 are you sure 1.00

00:53:29.020 it was close

00:53:29.540 dude change what you can change 1.00

00:53:32.200 and fucking 0.99

00:53:32.720 accept the things that you can't 0.99

00:53:34.380 is basically it

00:53:35.100 and I

00:53:35.300 the fact that I can't remember it

00:53:36.340 at this point

00:53:36.720 is a result of

00:53:37.520 bong resin

00:53:38.040 and years of

00:53:38.720 cocaine abuse

00:53:39.740 I also

00:53:40.880 I also highly want to

00:53:41.940 encourage people like

00:53:42.780 yo this quarantine 0.95

00:53:43.780 although it sucks

00:53:44.740 is a special time

00:53:45.840 to challenge yourself

00:53:47.200 mentally

00:53:47.800 physically

00:53:48.260 whatever it is 0.99

00:53:48.940 like do shit you haven't before 0.99

00:53:50.080 we 0.99

00:53:50.820 before this podcast started

00:53:52.560 log road

00:53:53.560 for two hours

00:53:56.020 Mac and I were in the pool

00:53:57.740 jumping on and rolling across logs

00:53:59.880 like lumberjacks 0.99

00:54:00.660 it was fucking fun 0.98

00:54:02.000 it was right when I got back 0.98

00:54:03.340 and I had to control my excitement

00:54:06.300 because we were supposed to still be like

00:54:08.620 not like super cool with each other

00:54:10.780 man

00:54:11.680 and so I like

00:54:12.400 no I don't like any of this

00:54:13.340 and so I was watching from the window

00:54:14.680 and I was shouting out in

00:54:15.640 in a

00:54:16.780 woodsman slang

00:54:18.000 what's that kid doing here

00:54:18.820 he's filming a vlog

00:54:20.180 yeah but is it all good

00:54:21.040 hey

00:54:21.900 I know I'm just always so

00:54:22.900 bro now that you're vlogging again

00:54:24.700 I'm vlogging again

00:54:25.420 And I get that feeling where like pranks are going to start.

00:54:28.240 Who knows, dude?

00:54:29.180 I'm just not.

00:54:30.600 Oh, you like him?

00:54:32.380 He's cool, right?

00:54:33.280 Bro.

00:54:34.260 So that's a giant bird.

00:54:36.100 So we actually are in the middle of a podcast.

00:54:38.920 Yeah.

00:54:39.200 It's kind of know how to fight off big dogs.

00:54:41.320 Hello.

00:54:41.740 So this is the middle of the podcast.

00:54:44.580 Oh, you know what I'm saying?

00:54:46.780 Like, so I should go.

00:54:48.120 Yeah, that way.

00:54:48.800 Okay.

00:54:49.840 Sorry for interrupting.

00:54:50.940 No, it's fine.

00:54:51.860 I just wanted to see the bird.

00:54:53.060 He's right here. 1.00

00:54:53.580 These millennials just don't understand 1.00

00:54:55.580 Are you Gen Z? 1.00

00:54:58.520 I think he is

00:54:59.560 What year's the cutoff? 1.00

00:55:02.740 Millennials are different 0.95

00:55:03.920 How old is a Gen Z person? 1.00

00:55:09.060 Nah bro 1.00

00:55:09.660 I'm telling you you're a Gen Z 0.97

00:55:10.640 Is anyone born between 1995 and 2019?

00:55:14.680 Bro you're Gen Z

00:55:15.300 I'm just on the cusp of a millennial

00:55:16.920 I'm a millennial

00:55:17.600 Yeah you're Gen Z

00:55:20.440 Nah you weigh Gen Z

00:55:22.580 same with you i think yeah yeah you gen z bro it was nice and nice to know yeah let's do it again

00:55:29.240 we did it in one night stand anyways watch out you're gonna get a copyright strike for singing

00:55:34.600 like that remember we got one for jeopardy when we did the jeopardy music so weird you did so so

00:55:39.840 we we hummed it hummed it wow i would love to have youtube jeopardy back oh yeah that was one 0.98

00:55:45.940 of my favorite things oh we got to do that again do you have sex with lana in the morning uh yeah 0.99

00:55:50.720 sometimes we do we're more night oriented but how i know we've talked about this before you said 0.99

00:55:56.140 you're more morning because you're not stressed out and shit right bro i know at the end of the 0.93

00:56:00.100 day i have nothing left to give i'm the stump at the end of the giving tree i've used all my energy 0.98

00:56:06.080 i i'm a useless sack of flesh and like i weekend sure but when i'm working it's tough and then so 0.95

00:56:14.540 i'm like a big morning sex guy when i wait a lot of women aren't well well so here's the thing it's 1.00

00:56:18.920 two parts uh for the woman they wake up they have no makeup on their breath smells there 1.00

00:56:24.040 might be a little sweaty from sleep whatever right and so i think there's a lot there are 1.00

00:56:28.140 some girls out there that might be a little bit like it's a hygiene thing just like a hygiene 1.00

00:56:32.020 thing they want to freshen up or whatever then on the male side for someone like me who struggles

00:56:37.320 with anxiety and my anxiety stress all of that is the highest in the morning oh no so when i wake up

00:56:43.280 in the morning the first thing i'm dealing with is the racing thoughts is the stress the anxiety

00:56:46.860 As the day goes on for me and after I exercise and get my stuff done for the day, by the time night comes along, I'm much more calm. 0.99

00:56:53.780 I'm more relaxed, and that's when it's time to lay the fucking smack down. 0.99

00:56:57.700 And I've been putting in fucking work, dude. 0.99

00:57:00.540 Bro, I can't imagine. 0.99

00:57:01.320 Have you been using a pull-out method?

00:57:04.220 No.

00:57:04.500 I've been just spraying, dude.

00:57:05.620 Spraying and praying.

00:57:06.440 All right.

00:57:07.240 Is that what you're going to ask?

00:57:08.360 Nah.

00:57:08.860 Okay. 0.99

00:57:09.260 I was going to say dick pills. 0.99

00:57:11.380 I pop them sometimes. 1.00

00:57:12.360 You know how much I love them

00:57:13.240 Bro if you're gonna do a marathon

00:57:14.200 Like if I know

00:57:15.080 If I'm locked up

00:57:16.240 With my girl in quarantine

00:57:17.280 Or like we do a staycation

00:57:18.740 Where the only objective

00:57:19.740 Is to like rent a hotel out

00:57:21.280 In our city 1.00

00:57:21.740 And just fuck the whole day 1.00

00:57:22.980 I'm coming prepared 1.00

00:57:24.240 With ammunition

00:57:24.700 Of course

00:57:25.260 So I mean sometimes

00:57:27.080 Yeah like you gotta

00:57:27.860 You gotta do what you gotta do

00:57:28.640 But I guess

00:57:29.600 I don't know

00:57:31.180 Is it

00:57:31.600 This has to be a segue

00:57:32.380 Yeah

00:57:32.720 No

00:57:33.220 That wasn't one

00:57:34.180 I thought you were going straight into

00:57:35.660 No Blue 2 sponsors the next episode

00:57:36.780 Ah

00:57:37.140 Wait a second

00:57:38.020 Clearly they sponsored this one too

00:57:39.520 Cause you just said it 1.00

00:57:40.300 Son of a bitch 1.00

00:57:41.820 yeah but dude when you get 1.00

00:57:43.420 to that round five dude 1.00

00:57:45.320 and you're dealing with a fucking slinky 1.00

00:57:47.980 akin to the one that you rolled down the stairs 1.00

00:57:49.800 as a young child or one of those little 1.00

00:57:51.880 fucking jack in the boxes 1.00

00:57:53.820 where the dude pops out 1.00

00:57:54.780 and your dick's starting to look like this bro 1.00

00:57:57.300 yeah man 1.00

00:57:58.140 also it starts to hurt

00:58:01.540 yo Meg Thee Stallion

00:58:03.660 did y'all see this she went on Instagram live

00:58:05.840 and apparently I think she was a little drunk 0.97

00:58:07.200 she was just ranting about how she makes 1.00

00:58:09.900 her dudes cum like two to three times 1.00

00:58:11.700 and how if they start to say, like, it hurts or some shit, 1.00

00:58:15.820 it's pussy shit, she ain't about it. 1.00

00:58:17.620 It was funny to see, like, from a woman's perspective. 1.00

00:58:21.340 Because from my side, like, I know what it's like.

00:58:23.360 I know what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, you know?

00:58:27.940 I don't like it.

00:58:28.860 But that's why the Peds help.

00:58:30.380 The Peds help, man. 0.99

00:58:31.980 Penis enhancement drugs. 0.99

00:58:33.440 They really do, man.

00:58:34.740 I mean, dude, listen.

00:58:36.740 The good thing about them is, like I said, time for,

00:58:39.180 you want nothing to do with this thing 0.99

00:58:41.760 but you got a motherfucking flagpole 1.00

00:58:43.840 and she's a flag 1.00

00:58:45.340 and she's gonna go up and down that flagpole dude 1.00

00:58:47.620 half massing the fuck dude 1.00

00:58:49.400 whenever she wants and you can do that 1.00

00:58:51.320 bro sometimes I'll just be sitting there

00:58:53.780 kick back

00:58:54.960 answering tweets you're lying

00:58:57.120 dead serious just tweeting and she'll just be 0.76

00:58:59.820 riding this bro you are lying

00:59:01.640 that happens yeah sometimes

00:59:03.960 that's when you get to a point where you're just like

00:59:05.840 yo

00:59:06.100 not jesus take the wheel but like do do do your worst to me lady i'm just i'm just i'm just 0.99

00:59:14.520 existing at this point and i happen to have a a fucking flashlight as a penis because of these 0.98

00:59:19.720 fucking performance enhancing drugs you know what i envy you about most for that story is like your 0.99

00:59:25.120 ability to stay focused on both tasks that's multitasking to a very high degree you feel at 0.99

00:59:30.640 At time five.

00:59:32.200 I mean, I'm talking about time five.

00:59:34.280 Are you talking rapid fire time five?

00:59:36.280 Or are you talking?

00:59:36.720 Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

00:59:38.280 I'm talking like three hours, three hour sit down.

00:59:41.000 You've sprayed out.

00:59:41.920 The last one you put out was like a little puff of air.

00:59:44.040 Was a little puff of air.

00:59:45.640 What are you trying to prove?

00:59:47.700 No, it's not.

00:59:48.340 It's not you all.

00:59:49.220 It's usually not the guy.

00:59:50.700 It's the Megan, the stallion that's trying to be a stallion. 1.00

00:59:54.920 She's trying to ride that thing into the fucking ground. 0.99

00:59:57.220 And by the way, like, and it turns into this thing. 0.98

00:59:59.520 i don't know if any guys watching this can relate to it but it turns into this thing where 0.99

01:00:02.700 damn my dick's chafed it feels like i've been rubbing sandpaper on the fucking thing and i 0.99

01:00:07.360 don't want to do it but you want to know what i want to do less tell a girl that i don't want to 1.00

01:00:11.300 go again yeah it's not yeah it's not good nah babe not this time i'm just not like i don't 0.89

01:00:15.640 want to be that guy i want to fucking saddle up and take that thing down to pound town dude no 0.97

01:00:20.720 bro i've had i've had women so some chicks get turned on when you fight them off now when you're 1.00

01:00:27.580 like on a phone call or like you are doing texts or like uh you're distracted or doing like 1.00

01:00:32.780 something professional and you're going at it and why i say i envy you is because that's really hard

01:00:38.120 for me dude if i'm on a phone call talking to manager jeff this has happened jeff i'm sorry

01:00:42.080 i've had a girl you know and um i cannot stay focused on both things i got i got one i got

01:00:50.860 I don't know.

01:00:52.480 You have no attention span.

01:00:54.440 We know that.

01:00:55.360 Podcast lagging in short.

01:00:58.640 What is happening?

01:01:02.560 Thanks, guys, for watching Impulsive.

01:01:05.140 The number one podcast in the world.

01:01:07.720 Hit that subscribe button.

01:01:09.260 Mike, we're good to have you back.

01:01:11.360 We'll see you.

01:01:12.280 You stay here.

01:01:14.420 Thanks for having me, bro.

01:01:15.660 And thanks for accepting, appreciating, and admiring the beauty that is SirTheGrey.

01:01:22.280 If you want to hit him up on Instagram, it's SirTheGrey.

01:01:24.760 I know his back is to you right now, but I can attest he's a beautiful bird. 0.99

01:01:28.600 And sorry that he shit on you twice. 0.99

01:01:30.220 Good luck. 0.99

01:01:32.240 To me or in general?

01:01:33.880 In general.

01:01:34.360 All right, cool.

01:01:34.880 All right, hit that subscribe button.

01:01:35.700 We'll see you guys next time.

01:01:36.200 Peace.

01:01:37.420 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

01:01:39.840 We have a new podcast.

01:01:41.240 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

01:01:42.400 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

01:01:43.680 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

01:01:48.000 And I'm Lacey DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references,

01:01:52.380 occasionally different opinions.

01:01:53.720 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

01:01:56.560 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, Good Taste is my business.

01:02:01.700 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:02:08.360 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator,

01:02:11.700 and host of Scam Goddess podcast.

01:02:14.180 The true crime comedy podcast

01:02:15.560 all about robbery, fraud, and those

01:02:17.740 who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing

01:02:19.900 guest. Ooh, I scammed them.

01:02:21.640 What? I could talk to you for an hour.

01:02:23.640 You're a generational yapper, like me.

01:02:25.640 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

01:02:27.640 And now you can catch full episodes of my show

01:02:29.820 on YouTube. Start listening to

01:02:31.700 Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

01:02:33.880 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

01:02:35.640 podcasts. Scam Goddess!

01:02:38.680 Hi, this is Kylie

01:02:39.640 Breakman, Angela Jaritana, Jeremy

01:02:41.460 Culhane, Patrick McDonald, and we're the hosts

01:02:43.720 of the Artists on Artists on Artists on

01:02:45.620 Artists podcast, the Improvised Character

01:02:47.660 Comedy podcast, where each week

01:02:49.460 a new panel of artists discuss

01:02:51.440 their craft. Join us for a

01:02:53.560 panel of Eurovision participants.

01:02:55.600 And we do a little Halloween sometimes.

01:02:57.860 Does the Pope dress up?

01:02:59.180 He winks on Halloween.

01:03:01.460 He gets right up next to the microphone.

01:03:02.720 I hear you can almost hear

01:03:04.800 the eyelashes hit each other.

01:03:06.320 You've never seen Italy so quiet

01:03:08.620 as when the pope gets up to wink on halloween listen to artists on artists on artists on

01:03:13.540 artists every thursday on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

01:03:18.680 i'm hamza and i'm martin and we're the hosts of out of character the funniest podcast in the

01:03:23.400 entire world i like that it's a good way to promote ourselves we are two funny guys having

01:03:31.540 fun enjoying ourselves and we just know how to have fun unlike anyone else if you guys like

01:03:36.500 fun conversations hot takes what else not too hot just kind of lukewarm take to get your mind

01:03:42.980 thinking a little bit listen out of character on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever

01:03:47.800 you get your podcasts

Impaulsive with Logan Paul - April 14, 2020

E175 LOGAN PAUL AND MIKE SETTLE THE BEEF - IMPAULSIVE EP. 175

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