Impaulsive with Logan Paul - E323 Logan Paul Pukes On Model At Coachella, Chokes Out Greg Paul (w⧸ Brendan Schaub)

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00:00:30.900 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

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00:02:12.620 I'm ruining the vibes, and the girl's like, I want to stay with you, like a sweetheart.

00:02:15.900 We get in the van, we're on our way home, and out of nowhere, dude.

00:02:21.700 I threw up in the van.

00:02:23.700 All over.

00:02:24.980 All over. 0.50

00:02:25.840 I threw up in the van next to a 10.

00:02:29.740 i say we just run it and then like we've obviously lost george oh okay like we george is not are we

00:02:44.280 rolling he's the highest person i've ever seen no he's so high welcome back to impulsive the number

00:02:49.460 one podcast in the world thank you for viewing watching subscribing listening downloading

00:02:52.980 digesting absorbing we love you hit that subscribe button if you're not subscribed we appreciate you

00:02:56.980 the number one podcast in the world that's a fact brendan schaub is joining us today

00:03:00.360 how are you brendan i'm good man how you fellas doing good are you are you dipping around yeah

00:03:04.960 yeah yeah yeah dude well not not tobacco though what is it nicotine nicotine is that was that a

00:03:11.760 sponsor yeah i bet but it started off naturally though i've been with them like i've been using

00:03:17.280 it for three years are we getting paid for you i mean you can have some if you want some because

00:03:21.240 what you because what you just said was prime nicotine is what it sounded like when oh because

00:03:25.280 you guys use prime we superimpose we drink prime yeah i've never and it's nice huh you've never

00:03:30.320 tried it no you need to try a prime immediately the blue next to you is unopened it's raspberry

00:03:35.260 it's our best seller we're up 30 this week in target okay we've been doing very well i'm very

00:03:40.820 happy with the customer feedback to our drink it's delicious huh yes it's good dude well i should

00:03:47.240 say why you're on well a like you're on the show because you have a special coming out correct that

00:03:53.280 i want to talk thursday this thursday uh next week uh next week thursday okay so this will be

00:03:59.560 coming out two days oh awesome where is it coming out uh youtube just i do youtube you're youtube

00:04:05.620 are you a vlogger no not at all no you do youtube you know try you're doing great yeah no you just

00:04:15.040 you want the for me you want the most eyeballs possible like a special is basically a commercial

00:04:22.260 to sell tickets on the road so the number one way to make sure you're not behind a paywall

00:04:27.200 or subscription is youtube everybody can go there my fan base is there everybody can see it yep so

00:04:33.240 for the maximum views which is all i care about i passed on the networks and decided to do it

00:04:38.260 myself yeah hell yeah dude you like logan shirt yeah i dig it he just started this like new style

00:04:45.160 thing because we were just at coachella that's what a lot of this episode is going to be about

00:04:48.260 i think um and before we went out there we're getting in the sprinter and i opened up this box

00:04:53.260 he was bringing and it said nighttime look and it was like wear these pants with this shirt he's like

00:04:58.880 very big now and like a stylista of sorts and he has this silk shirt and on the episode before it

00:05:05.580 you know what he had on different silk shirt i'm not mad at it just he's like it's kind of 0.52

00:05:09.940 prada it's a vibe prada all that's just casablanca i'm hating by the way you're 0.51

00:05:15.220 100% because I want it

00:05:17.300 Dude I want that shirt bro

00:05:18.600 It's time to level up

00:05:20.500 It's only time to level up

00:05:21.980 Come on dude like you're wearing denim

00:05:25.040 I'm gonna be honest you're wearing denim

00:05:26.720 You've leveled up

00:05:27.800 When's the last time you wore denim

00:05:29.520 Jeans he's got denim on

00:05:32.120 I got jeans on 1.00

00:05:33.120 You know where you fucked up 1.00

00:05:35.280 As you have socks and sandals 1.00

00:05:37.160 I just don't give a shit 0.99

00:05:38.620 I don't care about anything 0.96

00:05:40.540 There's not a single thing where I wake up in the morning

00:05:42.880 Where I'm like damn today's a good day to x y 0.99

00:05:45.040 I don't give a fuck 0.99

00:05:46.100 Someone just 0.99

00:05:46.900 Nothing

00:05:47.380 Nothing

00:05:48.280 People tell me where I have to go

00:05:49.660 I show up

00:05:50.560 I talk into a mic for a few minutes 1.00

00:05:51.800 And then I fucking do some other shit 1.00

00:05:53.060 I don't care 1.00

00:05:53.640 Forget clothes

00:05:54.040 That's a vibe

00:05:55.420 I get these clothes from Represent

00:05:56.760 That I will do a quick thing

00:05:58.340 Shout out to George out in the UK

00:06:00.140 Also shout out to our George

00:06:02.540 George Janko's here

00:06:03.680 This isn't an episode without our George

00:06:05.920 Partially why Brendan's here

00:06:07.280 Because George looks at me before this episode

00:06:09.000 And he goes

00:06:09.400 I can't do this

00:06:10.540 Because he just

00:06:11.460 That's fine

00:06:11.740 He just smoked with Jeffree Star

00:06:13.480 On our last episode

00:06:14.340 Say something

00:06:14.800 Just even if it's quick.

00:06:16.200 Get in here.

00:06:17.600 He thinks he's too high.

00:06:18.520 Just sit there.

00:06:19.200 No one will even...

00:06:21.120 Brennan can fill in, but how are you feeling?

00:06:24.280 Jeffree Star has some fantastic weight, man.

00:06:26.600 Strong.

00:06:27.400 Strong.

00:06:28.240 And by the way, I quit for a long time, so I think just...

00:06:32.060 What are you feeling right now?

00:06:34.080 How would you describe your current outlook on life?

00:06:37.160 Extremely paranoid.

00:06:38.100 I feel like everything I'm about to say is absolutely wrong.

00:06:40.560 Bro, look around, dude.

00:06:42.220 These are all your friends.

00:06:42.900 all the you know it's only 10 cameras hi what's up can i say something cool yeah i've been i've

00:06:50.120 been waiting for this moment i love the world of women nft project i picked up a decent amount of 0.84

00:06:58.500 them some time back and as a reward the next collection that they did because they expanded

00:07:05.500 their collection i don't know how into nfts you are brendan but this one is my baby world of women

00:07:10.060 i love it i love the project i love what it means for culture the web 3 space it's uh it's female

00:07:15.220 led female empowering nft blockchain project with amazing art and i got involved early on and they

00:07:20.640 came out with a follow-up collection called wow galaxy and if you held one of the original world

00:07:27.140 of women you get a wow you can mint a wow galaxy for free that's dope since i held 35 of them

00:07:34.860 which is a lot i got 35 wow galaxy and one of them is a one of one champion it was hand drawn

00:07:46.820 by the creator of world of women herself i got so lucky so lucky that i minted a wow galaxy champion

00:07:54.340 and they've been slowly revealing them as time goes on and it's a big deal wow galaxy was the

00:07:59.420 highest uh in sales in 24 hours in open sea like it's this collection absolutely murdered it people

00:08:05.880 love it it's only strengthening the community and allowing more people to get involved and they just

00:08:09.600 sent me my wow champion what it looks like i'm gonna reveal it right now live on have you seen

00:08:14.960 it i have not seen it yet and and i've been stoked because i've been waiting dude i got an off as soon

00:08:19.760 as i minted this thing i got an offer for what was it i think it was like two hundred thousand

00:08:26.980 dollars for for doing nothing except owning the original collection right i'm gonna look at this

00:08:33.400 right now it's uh it's been minted on the site and oh she's beautiful is that jeffrey star

00:08:41.700 she's beautiful oh she's hot why don't you show the people instead of just yourself oh she's

00:08:50.220 really cool i love her i love her so much he's kind of onto something there yeah jeffrey star

00:08:55.300 It's pretty much one to one dude

00:08:57.840 Is that Jeffree Star? 100%

00:08:59.660 There's a Jeffree vibe there 1.00

00:09:01.380 Georgia you're high 0.98

00:09:02.760 What do you see when you look at this?

00:09:05.880 I see a 1.00

00:09:06.840 An NFT

00:09:08.220 You're cooked brother

00:09:12.040 You're cooked

00:09:12.740 No this is cool

00:09:16.220 I'm so sorry

00:09:16.880 And I hate to keep saying it but like 1.00

00:09:19.000 I was right about world of women 1.00

00:09:21.380 I told you 1.00

00:09:23.560 i mean what do you i got one what do you want me to say i have a galaxy and i have everything 0.98

00:09:28.800 so it's 750 000 ape what do you what do you fucking want from the collection i don't know 0.97

00:09:33.800 i don't have silk shirts by the way love world women guy o siri involved great fucking project 0.98

00:09:40.500 female led as logan said and so yes i'm with you and once again i'm hating on you because 0.88

00:09:45.200 you got a champion so that's why i'm i actually love this this is this is good i i might have

00:09:50.900 the best champion i'm not gonna lie oh that's cool anyway nfts that has to be the end nfts for

00:09:58.640 the i just want to say one quick thing about originals oh yeah well that's important that's

00:10:02.980 big time well it's it's it's so big time that we missed our launch date twice twice

00:10:09.500 how's that feel for you it's extremely disappointing i had a 420 themed original

00:10:16.500 that was iconic

00:10:18.280 and we missed it and it's tough

00:10:20.820 for me because I'm

00:10:22.880 being told certain information

00:10:24.820 and then things aren't launching so hopefully it'll be

00:10:26.800 launching this week right and I want to

00:10:28.640 just say that the dev

00:10:30.840 team is working tirelessly and

00:10:32.780 very hard not sleeping

00:10:35.120 nights to get this project

00:10:37.080 right and they have my back

00:10:38.940 I just got the like vision of what the

00:10:40.860 dev team's actually doing when you said that 0.99

00:10:42.840 getting high as fuck 1.00

00:10:44.860 Like, dipping, drinking coffee, just, like, kicking it, looking at World of Women jerking off. 0.99

00:10:49.820 I told the—I talked to the lead dev today, and he's excited their heart and soul is in the project just as much as I am.

00:10:59.100 Brendan, you don't know.

00:10:59.820 It's an NFT art project I'm releasing.

00:11:02.380 And is it still going to be 420 themed, even though it's past the date?

00:11:06.260 The photo's literally called 420, so—

00:11:08.400 Well, we got to ride with it.

00:11:09.840 We have to.

00:11:10.440 Oh, yeah.

00:11:10.640 What are you going to do about that?

00:11:11.640 Just keep going.

00:11:13.000 It's one of those things where I'm obviously disappointed, but everything happens for a reason, I'm finding.

00:11:19.740 It's going to work out.

00:11:20.920 There's nothing more representative of a 420 theme than it being late.

00:11:25.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:11:26.000 That just makes sense.

00:11:27.180 That's good marketing.

00:11:28.180 Oh, sorry, man.

00:11:29.160 The 421 came out on 514 instead.

00:11:32.720 The dev team was high. 0.97

00:11:34.040 The dev team got all stoned and shit and forgot. 0.99

00:11:36.380 That's good. 1.00

00:11:36.780 Yeah, that's good.

00:11:37.500 It's perfect.

00:11:38.140 But it's coming.

00:11:38.700 I want to get this project right.

00:11:39.780 Originals.com.

00:11:40.600 Just pay attention.

00:11:41.140 This week, the first one should drop.

00:11:42.580 And it's very good

00:11:44.600 I'm very proud of this project

00:11:45.920 I'm excited for it to be released

00:11:47.100 And I want to talk about some of the stories

00:11:48.560 That's why I want the project to be out

00:11:50.380 And that's it for NFTs 1.00

00:11:52.220 I'm sorry

00:11:52.940 I'm not the biggest NFT guy

00:11:56.640 But you are the biggest guy in this room

00:11:59.620 I don't know

00:12:01.740 You're taller for sure

00:12:04.300 But you're thick

00:12:05.780 I mean my nickname is Thickboy

00:12:07.860 Thickboy

00:12:08.460 So many C's

00:12:10.620 You go to Coachella?

00:12:11.780 I didn't go to Coachella.

00:12:15.100 A six-year-old and two-year-old.

00:12:16.380 You got to draw the line somewhere.

00:12:17.600 Is that where you think the bar is set?

00:12:18.980 I think so.

00:12:19.640 It can't be a dad at Coachella.

00:12:21.480 Dad-chella.

00:12:22.180 Yeah, you know.

00:12:23.100 What about the hippies down at Woodstock, 69?

00:12:25.680 That'd been dope.

00:12:26.580 You know what I'm saying?

00:12:27.280 Like, they brought their kids.

00:12:28.220 Why couldn't you show up with a flower?

00:12:29.880 I know. 1.00

00:12:30.240 They were like Manson and shit. 0.96

00:12:31.600 How old are you? 0.98

00:12:32.500 38.

00:12:33.160 So what if there was like a 37-year-old at Coachella like Mike?

00:12:36.440 I don't have kids.

00:12:37.780 It's different.

00:12:38.480 We have different

00:12:39.560 We're in different lanes

00:12:40.720 You know what I'm saying

00:12:41.120 Like I can't

00:12:41.980 What lane is he in?

00:12:43.260 What lane am I in?

00:12:44.040 Well you know

00:12:44.820 What do I don't know?

00:12:46.540 You're in socks and sandals

00:12:48.140 I don't care 1.00

00:12:52.900 I don't give a fuck 0.99

00:12:53.760 No dude 0.96

00:12:54.480 I'm not very

00:12:54.980 By the way they've tried to tell me this

00:12:56.720 They've tried to tell me this

00:12:57.960 Like at the gate

00:12:58.900 At Coachella

00:12:59.400 Like they're like

00:13:00.300 ID check man 0.99

00:13:01.160 You gotta be 21 to come in here

00:13:02.280 And they look and they're like

00:13:03.060 Hey man

00:13:03.980 You sure about this?

00:13:06.140 You got a two and a six year old at home

00:13:07.720 We're in socks and sandals.

00:13:08.860 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:09.320 The fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:13:10.360 That's a lie. 1.00

00:13:11.040 Nobody's IDing him, bro.

00:13:12.380 Yeah.

00:13:13.160 But like, you know, the biggest thing with the style is I don't think you have any problems

00:13:17.700 in the lady department.

00:13:18.740 Are you single?

00:13:19.780 Yeah.

00:13:20.320 By choice for sure.

00:13:21.480 Okay.

00:13:21.780 There you go.

00:13:22.220 You're fine.

00:13:22.980 Yeah.

00:13:23.200 That's why I really just don't care.

00:13:24.920 I mean, I did.

00:13:25.560 So, so this is a good parlay.

00:13:28.440 I actually did fall.

00:13:29.740 I fell in love at Coachella.

00:13:31.020 Believe it or not.

00:13:31.800 Were there drugs involved?

00:13:32.920 Well, no, maybe on their part.

00:13:34.940 Not for me.

00:13:35.440 Of course.

00:13:35.700 I'm going to do drugs, but no.

00:13:37.720 You know how many times he's said that

00:13:40.660 On this podcast

00:13:41.300 Probably a few

00:13:43.020 Romantic

00:13:44.920 How serious is it

00:13:47.700 Because what you're describing

00:13:49.080 Is called the Coachella love

00:13:50.600 I have one, you have one

00:13:53.160 Dylan the producer has one

00:13:54.680 He has the best one

00:13:55.740 His is hilarious

00:13:57.140 What did you text her

00:14:00.260 Divine responsibility

00:14:02.480 Wow 0.98

00:14:04.200 That should be a Hallmark card bro

00:14:07.160 He said last night wasn't normal.

00:14:09.600 Here's what happened.

00:14:10.340 I'm going to tell.

00:14:11.020 He texted her.

00:14:12.520 He texted her.

00:14:15.380 He's cooked.

00:14:16.960 He texted her.

00:14:18.680 Just let you know.

00:14:19.900 Last night wasn't normal.

00:14:23.540 This dude's a rider.

00:14:26.280 That's what he is.

00:14:27.680 In Dylan's defense, it wasn't.

00:14:28.900 I'm going to tell you a story real quick.

00:14:30.820 So Dylan ended up hooking up with a girl who kind of had a boyfriend.

00:14:34.340 and then the next day she realized

00:14:36.680 that she had a boyfriend and told him point blank

00:14:38.500 hey I have a boyfriend and he was like actually it's not cool

00:14:40.760 we had a thing last night

00:14:41.720 and he got upset at her

00:14:44.200 she's pretty upset

00:14:47.060 wait she tried the we can't do this

00:14:49.000 I have a boyfriend the day after having sex

00:14:51.280 that seems a little late

00:14:52.960 no they didn't hook up

00:14:54.520 but Dylan's hooked up with thousands of girls as he said

00:14:56.580 your words

00:14:57.880 I don't doubt that

00:14:59.180 but you're going strong

00:15:02.440 I don't know

00:15:04.340 I, I, I, you know very well that I'm not, I don't, I don't like put energy into that

00:15:11.700 lane very often.

00:15:13.160 Like a lot of energy, like FaceTimes, phone calls, texts, that kind of thing.

00:15:16.440 So when I do, it's, it's, it's generally like.

00:15:18.460 It sounds like just putting energy into work. 0.86

00:15:20.700 Cause you said no, no energy in fashion, no energy in girls. 0.98

00:15:23.500 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:23.820 Yeah.

00:15:24.900 What I've, what I've, what I've learned is that if it don't make dollars, Brendan.

00:15:30.000 See, so yeah.

00:15:30.960 So if you don't put energy into work, then he'd be lazy.

00:15:33.580 but it sounds like you're working.

00:15:34.500 That's all I do.

00:15:35.180 It's the worst.

00:15:36.200 You know what's actually the worst?

00:15:37.780 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:38.080 You meet a new girl, 1.00

00:15:39.240 things are getting hot and heavy 0.99

00:15:40.160 and all of a sudden,

00:15:40.700 blah!

00:15:41.440 Yeah, right. 0.87

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00:16:27.100 Back to the show 0.88

00:16:28.240 I would take some of these with me for tonight

00:16:29.900 I think we should talk about Coachella

00:16:32.140 A little bit

00:16:32.940 Give a little context

00:16:34.380 I'll tell you about Coachella

00:16:36.200 I'll tell you about Coachella

00:16:37.780 I

00:16:38.900 I can normally handle my alcohol

00:16:43.500 I'm pretty good

00:16:44.180 And I can drink a lot

00:16:45.420 And so I was

00:16:48.380 I was drinking a lot

00:16:51.140 And at Coachella you're always running around

00:16:53.060 It's hot in that sun

00:16:54.020 Marathon

00:16:54.400 You're not drinking water

00:16:55.660 Worse, you're not eating

00:16:57.080 So when you're not eating

00:16:58.140 And you are drinking

00:16:59.080 not water alcohol

00:17:00.720 could lead to some bad things I'm feeling

00:17:02.960 real sick it's like new

00:17:04.540 it's not new it's midnight

00:17:06.600 it's neon carnival like the best

00:17:09.060 party at Coachella we pull up all

00:17:11.020 my friends exit the van and you know

00:17:13.080 I'm with the girl I'm with

00:17:14.440 who's drop

00:17:17.040 dead gorgeous and I'm like

00:17:18.980 oh I don't feel good I gotta

00:17:21.020 like stay I gotta stay so everyone goes

00:17:23.100 and now I'm like okay I'm

00:17:24.260 ruining the vibes and the girl's like I wanna stay with you

00:17:27.080 like a sweetheart we get in the van

00:17:29.020 We're on our way home 0.99

00:17:29.900 And out of fucking nowhere dude 0.99

00:17:33.180 I threw up 0.99

00:17:35.220 In the van

00:17:36.060 All over 1.00

00:17:36.920 I threw up in the van next to a fucking 10 1.00

00:17:41.280 Did you get any honor? 1.00

00:17:43.020 A 10

00:17:43.580 Probably

00:17:44.420 At least on her foot 1.00

00:17:45.960 Dude like I was that guy

00:17:47.660 I threw up just

00:17:48.920 I can't even say

00:17:51.200 On the floor of the van

00:17:52.860 I have never been this embarrassed

00:17:55.660 In my life

00:17:57.820 This kid is 0.74

00:18:00.680 Insufferable 0.96

00:18:03.620 No way

00:18:05.640 There's no way 0.90

00:18:06.960 This kid is a savage

00:18:08.540 Nightgrim 0.86

00:18:10.100 If it is true

00:18:13.880 My man you threw up on somebody 0.99

00:18:15.400 You still had sex 1.00

00:18:16.240 You can't beat that 0.96

00:18:19.340 The question is where do you go from here

00:18:20.820 Home to shower

00:18:22.560 I'm sorry

00:18:25.120 And then a door opened up

00:18:28.180 And I ran out and threw up like

00:18:29.620 10 more times you know I was just standing there on the side of the road

00:18:32.620 My security's like 1.00

00:18:33.840 This kid's a fucking idiot 1.00

00:18:35.420 And there's like 4 other people in the car 1.00

00:18:37.320 Like randoms dude

00:18:39.520 No they weren't random

00:18:41.640 They were like friends of ours

00:18:43.120 There was 2 randoms in there

00:18:44.360 The whole weekend I curated a squad

00:18:48.260 And by the way like he'll tell you

00:18:49.880 I work my ass off 0.99

00:18:52.940 To put these fucking things together 1.00

00:18:54.940 I work my ass off to make sure 1.00

00:18:57.340 He's got all this security set up

00:18:59.380 And neon, you're going into neon man 1.00

00:19:01.400 And then to watch him fucking 0.99

00:19:03.320 Yak all over this girl 0.99

00:19:04.820 No, not only did he not appreciate it 1.00

00:19:07.600 He fucking regurgitated 0.99

00:19:09.680 By the way 0.99

00:19:11.320 I should let you know, the next night

00:19:13.540 The party we went to was even more difficult

00:19:15.640 To get into

00:19:16.300 It was a very special intimate affair

00:19:18.740 Closing night of Coachella

00:19:21.680 And everybody's trying to get in 0.99

00:19:23.320 There's 10,000 fucking people outside. 0.99

00:19:25.620 And I know this. 1.00

00:19:26.160 You made it happen.

00:19:26.920 No, we're in the sprinter on the way there.

00:19:29.300 Maybe 15 of us.

00:19:30.460 Everybody's amped up to go.

00:19:32.180 We pull up.

00:19:33.180 I walk up.

00:19:34.000 I talk to the guys from Wynn.

00:19:35.380 Shout out Wynn. 0.98

00:19:36.500 I'm like, yo, I got fucking Logan out here. 0.99

00:19:39.460 I'm here. 0.99

00:19:39.940 We got a squad.

00:19:40.860 We're ready to come in. 1.00

00:19:41.760 They part the fucking gates. 1.00

00:19:44.560 Like Moses, bro. 1.00

00:19:45.920 Come on in. 1.00

00:19:46.820 We're ready to accept you into our awesome fucking party. 1.00

00:19:50.620 I turn to him. 1.00

00:19:51.560 He goes

00:19:52.500 I'm just really not feeling this man

00:19:56.240 I'm gonna go home

00:19:57.520 I go bro

00:19:59.240 You rode here for an hour 0.99

00:20:01.440 You couldn't have told me that 15 fucking minutes 0.99

00:20:03.800 20 minutes ago 0.99

00:20:04.680 I don't have it in me anymore

00:20:05.900 And I don't even have kids Brendan

00:20:08.220 You're just getting older man

00:20:09.720 I did a Coachella weekend once

00:20:13.600 A whole weekend

00:20:14.780 I slept 4 hours total

00:20:17.360 That was me this one

00:20:18.280 And this time I need my 8

00:20:21.100 I need my 8

00:20:22.520 Daddy needs 8

00:20:23.840 Because otherwise I'm going to throw up

00:20:26.220 In a vehicle 0.99

00:20:28.000 Next to a beautiful girl

00:20:29.780 I did something similar at Neon

00:20:31.460 As well

00:20:32.640 At Neon Carnival

00:20:34.860 Are you going to tell this story?

00:20:37.220 It's really not

00:20:38.120 Neon Carnival is like the party of Coachella 1.00

00:20:41.380 And I know I sound like a fucking moron 1.00

00:20:43.660 Right now like saying this 1.00

00:20:44.600 37 years old 1.00

00:20:45.960 Jeans with the fucking socks with the sandals 1.00

00:20:48.500 I look like an idiot 1.00

00:20:49.580 wait did you wear that too no okay but but neon but neon is a very cool time it's a great party 0.99

00:20:55.280 dj ruckus was spinning it was like it was like a whole thing it's like it goes later right very

00:20:59.240 yeah it's like five in the morning yeah it's like a rave right and there was this yeah and there was

00:21:04.140 this one there was this one table that was like right next to the dj booth and i had gone into

00:21:10.420 the table and then i had scaled beyond the table to all these tiers until i was right next to ruckus

00:21:16.660 And I was just vibing bro

00:21:19.080 And I was overlooking this sea of hippies 1.00

00:21:21.700 And beautiful women 1.00

00:21:22.600 And you know like Jared Leto

00:21:24.840 And like all these celebutantes

00:21:27.340 My spirit animal

00:21:28.240 He's great by the way

00:21:29.500 He watches the show

00:21:30.160 I love him

00:21:31.140 And I'm standing next to Ruckus 0.99

00:21:33.920 And he's spinning this fucking set 0.99

00:21:35.200 And he's up on the thing with the turntable 0.99

00:21:37.960 He's playing it like a guitar

00:21:38.900 Like Hendrix bro

00:21:39.900 And everybody's going nuts

00:21:41.580 And I'd just gotten there

00:21:43.360 And it immediately struck me

00:21:46.660 after this climb up to this spot that i had to urinate so badly bro like you know when you get

00:21:55.500 somewhere and you or you're like on a road trip and you have to pee so bad you're not going to

00:21:59.340 see a bathroom anytime soon i feel like a place like that's darts pissed in the corner so so no

00:22:04.660 corner there's no corners i'm literally i'm exposed i'm exposed or so i thought and there

00:22:11.680 was this uh very beautiful girl who offered me a cup of a keg cup and i took the cup and i was like

00:22:21.820 i can't do this she knew how bad you had to piss yeah there's i said there's cameras everywhere i

00:22:26.520 said everyone is watching this exact section because the dj is right next to us i can't get 0.99

00:22:31.860 my dick out this is a charge yeah this is a charge this is a felony charge i'm already a felon yeah 0.96

00:22:37.920 This is three strikes 0.99

00:22:38.980 I'm going to Pelican Bay 1.00

00:22:40.360 Motherfuckers 1.00

00:22:41.040 23 hour lockdown 1.00

00:22:42.840 Socks and sandals 1.00

00:22:43.960 They don't fuck with me there 1.00

00:22:44.860 You're on somebody's pocket 1.00

00:22:45.760 They're gonna Jeffree Star 1.00

00:22:46.660 My asshole bro 1.00

00:22:47.540 Easily 1.00

00:22:48.000 Done

00:22:48.680 But I had to go so bad

00:22:51.100 You got a set of lips

00:22:52.520 On you too

00:22:53.040 In prison daddy

00:22:54.500 In prison

00:22:55.400 Bro

00:22:57.680 She said

00:22:58.420 Just do it 1.00

00:22:59.300 Oh this is wifey man 1.00

00:23:01.140 Well it's one of his girls 0.99

00:23:02.980 So unfortunately

00:23:03.640 Unfortunately

00:23:04.460 I can't

00:23:04.800 do you know what i'm talking about

00:23:08.720 oh yeah so it's like you know i can't i gotta it's not my girl i don't claim any well not not

00:23:16.040 wife maybe she's just like well i'm very i tiptoe we've had some problems good kid

00:23:20.460 she's a good kid she's a great that's way to put that yeah she's a kid we've just had some

00:23:24.960 problems in the past with like this whole thing but now that he's got this girl and everything

00:23:28.360 like whatever right he doesn't anyways she was like come on just do it like just go to the bathroom 1.00

00:23:33.760 Don't be a fucking pussy 1.00

00:23:35.480 Ooh, aggressive 1.00

00:23:36.240 You know

00:23:36.740 And I

00:23:38.320 You know, with the eyes of the entire world on me 1.00

00:23:41.700 I just whipped my cock out, bro 1.00

00:23:43.020 And I pissed in a cup 1.00

00:23:44.340 And it was the most liberating feeling

00:23:46.800 Extracting those liquids out of my

00:23:48.920 In front of everybody 1.00

00:23:49.440 Semi-flaccid penis 1.00

00:23:51.200 Well, fully flaccid, actually 0.99

00:23:52.640 If I hadn't just woke up

00:23:53.940 Sure

00:23:54.220 And they were all just watching on

00:23:55.880 And I was just pissing 0.89

00:23:59.300 You feel like a hell's angel 0.97

00:24:00.320 Yeah

00:24:00.800 And she was holding the cup still 0.79

00:24:04.400 Yeah

00:24:05.700 I know 1.00

00:24:06.900 And she was holding the cup

00:24:07.800 And that was kind of cool

00:24:09.920 I know

00:24:10.360 Sorry

00:24:10.980 Good kid

00:24:11.420 Good kid

00:24:12.380 Let's go back to that

00:24:13.240 She's a good kid

00:24:13.540 Great kid 0.99

00:24:14.060 And so she's holding the cup

00:24:15.080 So I felt kind of like

00:24:16.040 And you know you're splashing on her hands

00:24:17.120 Yeah

00:24:17.540 And so it felt kind of like sexual in nature too

00:24:19.880 100%

00:24:20.380 Because I'm pissing in this cup that she's holding 1.00

00:24:22.100 And then she 0.60

00:24:23.000 So I finish

00:24:24.840 Right

00:24:25.300 And I'm automatically relieved and liberated

00:24:27.540 And I feel great about it

00:24:28.460 But you're there for a while

00:24:29.280 I peed for a while

00:24:30.780 Like I filled the cup

00:24:31.920 And like by the way like a little steam

00:24:34.540 Like almost like you'd hear it

00:24:37.040 Right just steam and it was like kind of sparkling

00:24:39.040 Piss you know what I'm saying not flat

00:24:40.540 Some people they're jacking up 0.95

00:24:42.620 100% she took the cup

00:24:45.000 And she ever so

00:24:46.320 Carefully

00:24:47.420 Like moved it like you know how you would move like a radiating

00:24:50.960 Like nuclear

00:24:51.500 Like with the tongs

00:24:53.620 And there was a chance at any second

00:24:56.560 It could light up like a major

00:24:58.480 Thoroughfare and everyone would die right

00:25:00.640 she's like and and it's like you just hear like when she's moving and she puts it down and just

00:25:06.700 slides it under the dj booth and i was like that was so great and you're incredible thank you so

00:25:12.520 much and the second she walked away the bottle girl came and kicked it over and it just flooded 0.98

00:25:17.220 the stage in bottle piss all over the fucking stage bro and did it leak on the people down 0.99

00:25:21.620 nah nah it was contained it was contained but it was i mean i'm this story is sickening you're 1.00

00:25:27.400 You're a sicko. 0.99

00:25:28.820 It was hot for a second, though, right? 1.00

00:25:31.040 Everyone's in on it.

00:25:32.120 I think there's a way to romanticize. 0.73

00:25:33.900 I thought you were like, she took that piss, dude. 0.56

00:25:36.680 Yeah, that would have been cool. 1.00

00:25:38.560 Yeah, that's Coachella.

00:25:39.540 How you doing, George?

00:25:41.700 That story was very long while I was high.

00:25:43.760 I was like, oh my God.

00:25:44.560 So long, Mike.

00:25:45.560 Why'd you make it so long?

00:25:47.600 No, well, hold on.

00:25:48.660 I didn't mean to start a war. 0.60

00:25:49.640 I was just saying that for me, it was because of the piss.

00:25:51.820 No, I was into it.

00:25:52.760 We lost eyes.

00:25:53.580 I was into it, dude.

00:25:54.500 Well, because I felt very, like, Theo Vaughn-y in it,

00:25:56.840 And like you and I, see me and you have a very similar style with the details and you get people all amped up 100%. 0.84

00:26:02.760 So now that we're going to go back to the bullshit, what do you guys want to talk about? 0.96

00:26:06.460 No. 0.98

00:26:06.760 We're also in our mid-30s.

00:26:08.180 That's what I'm saying.

00:26:09.280 I got puns. 0.99

00:26:10.200 I got fucking details. 0.99

00:26:11.940 I got socks with sandals. 1.00

00:26:13.520 Experience.

00:26:14.140 You know what's funny? 1.00

00:26:14.780 A lot of old men talk about problems about peeing. 1.00

00:26:17.860 Let me tell you something about. 1.00

00:26:19.660 You're old.

00:26:20.660 Let me tell you something about storytelling. 1.00

00:26:21.860 the more details you could load into it the more intriguing of a story what the fuck are you 0.98

00:26:29.760 talking about fat man i was in on that story brendan no you weren't that's just because it 0.99

00:26:34.700 was about piss no i was cool man i was listen listen man i wrote a book i know how to keep

00:26:40.140 people's attention over a long time over long yeah when you have a year to refine your story 0.72

00:26:44.000 i didn't have a year to refine that story i was flesh you know what now you're hating because me

00:26:48.780 Me and Shaub had a rapport, and that upset you because me and you can't get there.

00:26:54.580 You can't do me like you used to.

00:26:56.420 You can't look in my eyes while I'm storytelling.

00:26:59.400 That story pissed me off, and you're in trouble.

00:27:02.980 Okay, sorry, guys.

00:27:04.800 World of Women has released an all-new spinoff, and here's every vivid detail.

00:27:10.420 No, no, no.

00:27:10.960 No, I'm just playing.

00:27:11.760 Maybe you're right.

00:27:12.840 Maybe I'm wrong.

00:27:13.700 No, maybe you're right.

00:27:14.420 It's a little long.

00:27:15.660 A little long, right?

00:27:16.500 Yeah.

00:27:17.000 Well, I mean, just cut the whole thing. 1.00

00:27:18.360 Fuck it. 1.00

00:27:18.780 I think we cut the whole thing 1.00

00:27:20.000 As I said earlier 0.99

00:27:22.900 I don't give a fuck 1.00

00:27:23.780 I don't care about any of this shit 0.99

00:27:25.700 Dude, I swear to you sometimes 1.00

00:27:27.240 I'll sit in a fucking Uber 1.00

00:27:28.800 And all the stuff will fall out of my pockets 0.99

00:27:30.440 I got nothing to do with all the cards and stuff

00:27:33.900 I hear you

00:27:34.500 You know what's the solution to that?

00:27:36.220 The thing in your right hand

00:27:38.940 This episode is sponsored by Ridge Wallet

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00:27:44.580 No reason to have a traditional wallet anymore

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00:27:47.540 get yourself a ridge wallet by clicking the link in the description you use the code impulsive for

00:27:51.720 10 off your order the ridge team is so confident that you'll like it they'll let you test drive it

00:27:56.440 for 45 days you can send it back for a full refund if you don't love it that is code impulsive or 10

00:28:01.560 off your order thank you ridge wallet back to the show how's the family they're good man they're good

00:28:08.220 got those kids got the kiddos six and two year old that's insane dude i know when you have a kid

00:28:13.480 Is it like 1.00

00:28:14.980 Holy shit 0.97

00:28:15.800 There's like a version of me 0.93

00:28:17.120 That's going to be

00:28:17.640 Totally different than me

00:28:18.560 But also super similar

00:28:19.740 Yeah there's that

00:28:21.320 And then also

00:28:22.080 Like my

00:28:23.180 Oldest who's six

00:28:24.420 Is in jiu jitsu

00:28:25.300 So you go in there

00:28:26.360 And you don't want to be like

00:28:27.100 The overbearing parent

00:28:28.360 But also

00:28:29.060 When it comes to jiu jitsu

00:28:29.880 Right

00:28:30.140 Black belt 0.95

00:28:31.100 Yeah

00:28:31.420 Compete at a high level

00:28:32.480 So when I go in there

00:28:33.500 It's nothing against his coaches

00:28:34.640 But

00:28:35.100 You know

00:28:35.900 Yeah

00:28:37.500 I got this

00:28:38.700 Yeah yeah yeah

00:28:39.000 I'll take it from here

00:28:39.600 And like the skip steps

00:28:40.800 Like oh dude 1.00

00:28:41.440 Come on you're missing shit 1.00

00:28:42.760 Why don't you take them to a better school 1.00

00:28:44.100 I just think it's the way they do

00:28:46.720 Kids programs

00:28:48.020 They want them to have fun so it's not so detailed

00:28:50.440 But after the class I'm like come here dude 0.99

00:28:52.080 And then I'll teach them some shit 1.00

00:28:53.300 You concerned that your kid will one day be able to kick your ass? 1.00

00:28:58.020 No 1.00

00:28:58.380 Not always be able to beat his ass 1.00

00:29:00.000 Even though I'm trained and shit 1.00

00:29:02.240 My dad whooped my ass I think 1.00

00:29:04.060 It's just that dad power 1.00

00:29:05.400 And I'll tell you why

00:29:07.620 So my dad super physical

00:29:11.020 Met your dad intense dude

00:29:12.480 Brute. Intense.

00:29:13.460 Met him in your green room.

00:29:14.880 Or in your locker room.

00:29:15.900 Oh, oh, yeah.

00:29:17.380 Your mom had me talk to him.

00:29:19.280 Call him down.

00:29:19.800 Because he was nervous, yeah.

00:29:21.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:21.760 So this is great.

00:29:23.120 I gave him a rally speech.

00:29:24.660 Oh, you did?

00:29:25.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:25.580 What'd you say?

00:29:26.440 I said, because your mom brought him over,

00:29:29.760 and she goes, you know, he knows his stuff.

00:29:31.600 He's been there.

00:29:32.500 I said, listen, your son's already won.

00:29:34.940 I said, he's fighting a guy who's way smaller than him.

00:29:37.020 I said, worst case scenario.

00:29:38.400 He's not going to knock him out.

00:29:39.240 He doesn't have the power, and he's older.

00:29:40.200 Worst case scenario

00:29:41.460 If your son gets hit 0.85

00:29:42.000 With a body shot 0.95

00:29:42.620 And goes down 1.00

00:29:42.940 He's going to be fine

00:29:43.740 He'll make all the money

00:29:44.520 In the world

00:29:44.760 He's going to be fine

00:29:45.340 That's worst case scenario

00:29:46.480 That's actually good advice

00:29:47.140 Yeah I was like

00:29:47.560 That's the worst case

00:29:48.560 He's not going to get hurt

00:29:49.600 He'll just fall down

00:29:50.700 And then he'll stop it

00:29:51.560 That's the very worst case

00:29:53.140 Yeah

00:29:53.360 I said but

00:29:54.660 I have been around the game

00:29:55.880 For quite some time

00:29:56.980 I'd be willing to bet

00:29:58.340 Your son does really well

00:29:59.340 And you have nothing

00:29:59.720 To worry about

00:30:00.200 Oh nice

00:30:00.720 Well thanks for calming him down

00:30:02.080 And then we made out

00:30:02.800 It was sick

00:30:03.280 Fire

00:30:03.780 Fire man

00:30:05.720 Well he wasn't making out

00:30:06.640 With dudes in high school

00:30:07.460 When I was in high school 0.98

00:30:08.700 He was kicking ass 0.98

00:30:11.240 And when I started to get 0.99

00:30:13.160 A little stronger and go through puberty

00:30:15.080 I noticed

00:30:17.260 Your attention with your dad sometimes

00:30:19.420 There's a little bit of a rivalry

00:30:21.420 That goes on like papi I'm getting a little

00:30:23.180 Stronger

00:30:24.920 A little bit of alpha thing going on in the household

00:30:26.520 A little bit I'm getting taller heads up

00:30:28.740 And we did jujitsu classes together

00:30:31.280 And um

00:30:32.120 I didn't know you did jujitsu

00:30:33.100 I can roll bro

00:30:36.180 I can roll a couple years

00:30:38.700 all right yeah carry on so we're doing jujitsu and uh for the first time in my life i felt myself

00:30:46.620 capable of overpowering my father physically that's a weird feeling it's odd and i choked him

00:30:53.420 out in the class for the first time he's dead and that's what killed my dad i don't have a father

00:31:01.100 and i remember i remember when it was happening i was like oh my god i got him you don't i'm in 0.98

00:31:06.540 charged now motherfucker i'm the captain and he tapped out and i remember we had a moment we sat 0.98

00:31:11.680 on the map and he looks and then that and he looks at me and he goes you've gotten a lot stronger 1.00

00:31:16.020 oh wow that was the change of the guard that was the moment that i started beating my dad's ass 0.99

00:31:21.060 i've never had that i've never had that i'm still i'm still scared of my fucking dad he's like 0.99

00:31:25.380 he's six four he's in better shape than me really way better he's a beast and uh in high school was 0.98

00:31:32.020 like senior ditch day and everyone was ditching the parents were gonna call and he wouldn't call

00:31:35.640 for me he's like not happening you're going to school like dad come on man everyone's busy he's 0.99

00:31:39.460 like not happening you know you're you know you're kind of challenging that and i go fuck it i'll just 0.99

00:31:44.900 do it myself and i'm walking away and i hear he took a pen against the wall to the throat i was 1.00

00:31:52.200 like what the fuck you just said a pen to your throat yeah he's gonna shank you yeah yeah prison 1.00

00:31:57.340 style that's fucking crazy with a pen yeah dude dad didn't fuck around intense dude did he do time 1.00

00:32:03.160 So your dad sounds a little psychopathic 1.00

00:32:07.960 No 0.98

00:32:08.600 If you like disrespect

00:32:10.560 My dad, my brother, me

00:32:12.480 That's where they draw the line

00:32:14.000 He felt disrespected

00:32:15.100 A pen though?

00:32:17.160 They actually drew that line with that pen

00:32:19.260 This is it!

00:32:20.800 You're here!

00:32:25.040 Your dad seems like a tough dude though

00:32:27.260 But no pens

00:32:28.300 You know what he was into?

00:32:30.320 His big thing was buckets

00:32:31.360 Love to throw buckets at us

00:32:33.040 When he was on the phone

00:32:34.900 We were like

00:32:35.380 Chirping in the background

00:32:36.380 To shut us off

00:32:38.340 Sure

00:32:38.600 Yeah he's doing

00:32:39.120 Projectiles

00:32:40.480 I get it

00:32:41.060 Book

00:32:41.240 Bucket

00:32:42.060 It's loud

00:32:43.160 It's loud

00:32:44.120 There's damage to the background

00:32:45.680 I was confused too as a kid

00:32:47.460 Anything in them or just

00:32:49.260 Empty buckets

00:32:50.040 So it's not gonna hurt them

00:32:51.780 How would he source them

00:32:53.480 Like

00:32:53.860 So say you're

00:32:54.800 Say you're starting like 0.99

00:32:55.760 Some major shit 0.99

00:32:56.580 Like how would he source 0.99

00:32:57.560 These buckets

00:32:58.260 He always has

00:32:59.780 And like

00:33:00.220 And like

00:33:00.600 And if you're causing trouble

00:33:04.420 Then say Jake caused trouble

00:33:05.580 And you caused trouble again

00:33:06.840 Unlimited amounts

00:33:08.620 Does it end with you two

00:33:10.880 Has it ever been to your mom, to the dog

00:33:13.780 Does he have different size buckets

00:33:15.760 All five gallons

00:33:16.660 But it seems not very efficient

00:33:19.140 He wants it to be quieter

00:33:21.080 And then it gets louder

00:33:22.320 Are you throwing buckets at your kids

00:33:25.400 Yeah that's what I'm trying to say

00:33:26.620 Definitely we know what the sound is

00:33:28.560 I think they made an anti-bucket law

00:33:30.480 Since a long time ago

00:33:31.840 Have you guys ever seen a parent pick something up

00:33:34.440 And then realize it's too much

00:33:35.740 You know what I mean

00:33:37.260 Like they'll pick up like a vase

00:33:38.440 My dad

00:33:41.080 Looked at me and thought about it

00:33:42.860 I saw him think about it

00:33:44.080 I get it man 1.00

00:33:47.600 Kids are fucking tass 1.00

00:33:48.960 Frustrating probably 1.00

00:33:49.860 Are you into throwing shit 1.00

00:33:52.300 No not at all 1.00

00:33:53.720 I'm super passive with my kids

00:33:55.900 I'm the fun dad

00:33:57.400 When it comes to sports and school I'm super strict 1.00

00:33:59.940 outside that i'm the fucking i'm the fun does wifey handle the discipline she's latin runs it 1.00

00:34:06.180 like fucking stalling same with you too strict like she runs your shit like uh no no don't get 1.00

00:34:11.200 twisted no got it got it you're allowed to go out with the boys yeah but again i'm a homebody i've 1.00

00:34:16.440 always been a homebody like i've never been i've had my fun don't get me wrong was like in the ufc

00:34:20.900 and when i first got into stand-up but not really dude i chill man i just like the only people like

00:34:26.940 if we're all friends like we're friends if we go out i'm all set on friends man yeah like i want 0.96

00:34:32.040 to talk to you so it's like i don't want to go some loud ass club where i can't fucking talk to 0.96

00:34:36.220 you i feel you yeah did you um did you set up dylan danis with those toilet paper poles when 0.98

00:34:41.500 jake paul jake paul drove and tossed the no not at all no no i told dylan that there's a chance

00:34:47.660 he's coming i said hey just let you know i talked to jake and logan last night and he said he might 0.64

00:34:51.520 come by and he goes bro if he comes i'm beat the shit out of him i went no doubt but you have one 0.62

00:34:57.540 leg one leg i said you have one was he on crutches at the time he could barely walk yeah he's like 0.99

00:35:03.700 i'm telling him i'm gonna whoop his ass on it he goes dude i'm gonna choke him unconscious on their 0.99

00:35:07.820 fucking youtube channel whatever i go do whatever you want but i'm just telling you there's a good 0.99

00:35:13.020 chance he's gonna come by i have no idea what he's gonna do maybe throw shit he goes i hope he does 0.99

00:35:16.560 and i was like the whole time i'm stressed out the whole time during the interview it's all like 0.85

00:35:20.720 I'm like looking over my shoulder 0.94

00:35:22.000 I was like fucking stressed out 0.97

00:35:23.520 Can you imagine if he had 0.98

00:35:24.340 Just rolled through

00:35:25.120 With hella buckets 1.00

00:35:25.880 Just started fucking 0.99

00:35:27.020 Jake's doing buckets 1.00

00:35:27.940 He launched

00:35:28.560 And he learned from his dad

00:35:29.260 Give him shout outs to your dad

00:35:30.220 Since five gallon

00:35:31.220 Home Depot orange buckets

00:35:32.720 Dylan's like

00:35:33.040 Is he doing buckets?

00:35:34.620 Where'd he get those?

00:35:35.260 You know where your mistake was?

00:35:36.680 In that whole thing?

00:35:38.040 Huh

00:35:38.240 You told me that you were

00:35:39.860 Having Dylan Dennis on

00:35:40.760 The next day

00:35:41.380 That's where I thought

00:35:43.100 And you went

00:35:43.540 Dude

00:35:44.100 And then you and Jake

00:35:45.320 You and Jake called me

00:35:46.820 I said

00:35:47.100 That's what

00:35:47.420 I said

00:35:48.220 Yo Jake

00:35:48.760 Tilla's gonna be here tomorrow

00:35:49.840 At this time 0.90

00:35:50.540 Consider rolling up

00:35:52.260 Yeah, that's right

00:35:53.540 Because you were on like the day before

00:35:54.920 Just make a moment

00:35:55.820 That's right

00:35:56.500 When a food truck dies

00:35:57.360 That's right

00:35:57.860 That's right

00:35:58.500 Threw toilet paper

00:35:59.700 Dylan loved it though

00:36:00.800 You know what I'm saying

00:36:01.360 Like obviously he was very upset

00:36:03.020 And he tried getting a hold of him

00:36:04.540 But

00:36:04.820 He tried to run after the car

00:36:06.600 Yeah, again

00:36:07.300 He just came off leg surgery, man

00:36:08.940 God bless him

00:36:10.040 Thank God nobody got hurt

00:36:12.100 He's right

00:36:12.720 I'm in the hook there

00:36:13.600 Yeah

00:36:14.140 It's your boy's show

00:36:15.140 Do a lot of people use you

00:36:16.200 To get to your friends?

00:36:18.580 Even Rogan

00:36:19.420 I mean he's like

00:36:20.220 Rogan's number one

00:36:21.340 Like I had a show

00:36:22.780 Last night

00:36:23.240 At the Improv

00:36:23.840 And the security

00:36:25.080 I was in the green room

00:36:26.080 Your brother was there

00:36:27.060 Last week

00:36:27.520 Yeah yeah yeah

00:36:28.400 Yeah Jake came through

00:36:29.180 But

00:36:29.780 Last night 0.99

00:36:31.980 Big ass show 0.99

00:36:33.240 And then the security guard 0.98

00:36:34.400 Tell me he goes

00:36:34.760 Hey man there's a guy outside

00:36:35.720 I don't know what he'll do

00:36:36.620 He says

00:36:36.940 He needs to give you something 0.53

00:36:38.040 I'm like does he look crazy 0.89

00:36:38.960 He's like he looks pretty crazy

00:36:39.800 I'm like tell him

00:36:40.740 I went out the back

00:36:41.560 And then you know

00:36:42.780 Show ends 0.98

00:36:43.260 It's fucking like 1am dude 0.98

00:36:44.920 The dude's still out there 0.97

00:36:46.160 Yeah

00:36:46.380 We didn't think he was out there

00:36:47.220 I walk out and

00:36:48.340 He gives me 0.99

00:36:49.000 Literally a fucking 1.00

00:36:49.820 Envelope like this fucking thick 1.00

00:36:52.200 Laced with ricin 1.00

00:36:53.060 Dude, you would think 1.00

00:36:54.200 But he was like

00:36:55.200 You gotta give this to Rogan, man

00:36:57.000 I got evicted on my house

00:36:58.580 I have a squatter 1.00

00:36:59.360 I'm like, the fuck? 1.00

00:37:00.940 What? 1.00

00:37:01.420 Yeah

00:37:01.680 Rogan's not gonna help you

00:37:03.560 Yeah, I go

00:37:04.340 He was in Texas, dude

00:37:05.780 You know what I'm doing?

00:37:06.540 Yeah, that's true

00:37:06.960 You know what I'm gonna do? 0.99

00:37:07.920 Facts all this shit to him? 0.99

00:37:09.320 You know what I'm gonna do? 1.00

00:37:09.800 Send a courier?

00:37:10.560 Yeah, I'm like, what are you 1.00

00:37:10.980 Out of your fucking mind? 1.00

00:37:12.240 That's why you lost your house 1.00

00:37:12.980 So it didn't work out 1.00

00:37:16.860 Fuck him 1.00

00:37:17.560 Fuck him 1.00

00:37:18.720 What do we do, man? 1.00

00:37:19.760 Am I the only one that's like how the squatter is still there

00:37:22.840 But he can't

00:37:23.620 Do you know how hard it is to get someone out of your house

00:37:25.840 It's evidently very hard

00:37:28.140 How did he get evicted but the squatter is still there

00:37:30.480 The squatter kicked him out

00:37:31.800 Because I got evicted by the squatter

00:37:34.820 Get out of there

00:37:36.040 Pop tarts or toaster strudel and why 0.85

00:37:38.300 Oh toaster strudel because the icing

00:37:40.420 So you can double up on the icing

00:37:42.280 Let's talk about it

00:37:42.920 My brother used to fight because I love the icing

00:37:45.740 And I'd use all the icing on one 1.00

00:37:47.620 Like real thick boy fucking move 0.99

00:37:49.620 all the icing one fucking strudel that is my brother fight that is fist fight i know it's 1.00

00:37:54.840 fucked up one to six is a fucked up ratio fuck yeah dude so he'd go in there for that morning 0.99

00:37:59.900 pleasure and there was no icing ruined his fucking day and he struggled with anger uh really bad 1.00

00:38:05.660 anger cause of that he had to go it definitely didn't help definitely can you imagine telling 0.97

00:38:10.080 that to your therapist like what what what was it where did the stem from oh we went to anger

00:38:14.320 management i was nine he was 11 went to anger because he used to uh like severely beat me up

00:38:20.440 like my record against him was like one in 10 000 my parents never stopped it so they took

00:38:25.400 us to anger management but when you got two brothers i'm sure you feel it see your brothers

00:38:29.780 brothers yeah you and your brother's super close so me and my brother's super close we can fight 0.98

00:38:34.740 each other but outside of that if you fuck with us we're gonna team up so my dad's there with a 1.00

00:38:39.440 therapist and therapists trying to talk to us and i'm nine dude i was a little fucking asshole at 0.99

00:38:43.700 nine therapist goes uh do you want to tell us why you guys are fighting like this and i go right 0.99

00:38:48.440 right uh do you have uh siblings he goes yeah a brother and a sister do you guys ever fight 1.00

00:38:53.560 yeah that's what brothers and sisters do i go right did your dad send you a fucking therapy 1.00

00:38:58.880 and he was like all right did you say my dad's like let's get the fuck out of here i mean you're 0.99

00:39:03.480 wasting your goddamn therapy no way yeah nah but i think worse than the the six to one ratio 0.99

00:39:09.860 We go back and forth on this all day 1.00

00:39:13.040 Pop tarts are so dry 1.00

00:39:14.040 Fuck pop tarts 1.00

00:39:15.880 Comparatively to toaster strudels 1.00

00:39:18.040 But do you toast your pop tarts?

00:39:20.280 Of course

00:39:20.780 You don't have to though which is cool

00:39:22.540 But you do though

00:39:23.880 Of course you do

00:39:25.380 Then you break them in half so it cools off

00:39:27.440 And you're right

00:39:28.560 Comparatively to toaster strudels

00:39:32.080 We're talking about gold medal vs bronze

00:39:34.660 You're a toaster strudel guy?

00:39:36.360 Obviously unless I got some 6 to 1 ratio

00:39:39.420 I'm going to end up, because it's the same thing.

00:39:42.140 Do you remember those super pretzels that you put in the microwave?

00:39:45.140 Sure.

00:39:45.500 And you put the coarse salt on them?

00:39:47.220 Yeah, dude.

00:39:47.420 Put your own salt.

00:39:48.400 Yeah, but it always run out by the end of the package. 1.00

00:39:51.040 No, I don't fuck with salt. 0.99

00:39:51.960 You've been good there. 1.00

00:39:52.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:53.620 Yeah, I don't fuck with. 1.00

00:39:54.860 You ever meet anybody that puts butter on a Pop-Tart? 1.00

00:39:57.300 Fuck off. 1.00

00:39:58.680 I've seen people do it. 1.00

00:39:59.480 Yeah, they're in ISIS, dude.

00:40:00.100 Butter on a Pop-Tart?

00:40:01.860 Yeah.

00:40:02.140 No, absolutely not.

00:40:03.060 I know.

00:40:03.680 I know.

00:40:04.940 I'm cooked.

00:40:05.920 Still cooked.

00:40:07.000 Like a Pop-Tart guy? 1.00

00:40:07.540 You would eat fucking. 1.00

00:40:08.940 I've never had a toaster strudel. 1.00

00:40:11.600 I mean, that's not...

00:40:12.720 It's not like a rite of passage by any means.

00:40:15.180 How old are you?

00:40:16.180 I was 27.

00:40:17.320 29.

00:40:18.040 I was like, what did you just say?

00:40:20.700 You're so high.

00:40:21.260 I don't know why I thought I was 27.

00:40:23.700 There's some point where you lie about your age.

00:40:25.660 Well, it could...

00:40:27.180 Forget it.

00:40:28.060 Have you ever tried Dunkaroos?

00:40:30.720 Have I?

00:40:31.380 Yeah, of course.

00:40:32.420 You guys are the same person.

00:40:33.540 I grew up in America, dude.

00:40:34.840 I love them. 0.97

00:40:35.500 I fucking love them. 0.95

00:40:36.500 They discontinued them. 0.99

00:40:37.640 No, they're back.

00:40:38.180 On shelves or only Amazon

00:40:40.420 On shelves?

00:40:41.300 Yeah

00:40:41.480 You can get them at 7-Eleven 0.99

00:40:42.420 Such a fucked up treat 0.99

00:40:43.080 Bought my son a pack the other day 1.00

00:40:44.140 Really? 1.00

00:40:44.600 He's like what the fuck is this? 1.00

00:40:45.800 Yeah 1.00

00:40:45.980 It's a Dunkaroo little bastard 0.99

00:40:47.500 It doesn't get any worse in terms of nutritional value 1.00

00:40:50.540 Yeah I mean their kids

00:40:51.680 They'll burn it off

00:40:52.580 Yeah

00:40:52.880 I ordered some at my house

00:40:55.260 Did you ever show up?

00:40:56.320 I actually have them for this podcast

00:40:57.820 Do we have them? 1.00

00:40:58.340 No fucking shot 1.00

00:40:59.080 You brought Dunkaroos? 1.00

00:41:00.100 No shot

00:41:00.580 No shot

00:41:02.340 Where are they?

00:41:04.620 I wonder if it's still like the real cookie

00:41:06.340 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:41:06.800 Are you fucking serious? 0.99

00:41:07.680 Kayla, why would you say that? 0.99

00:41:12.320 Bro, that was...

00:41:13.000 Are you high right now?

00:41:15.080 No, you know very damn well we don't have them.

00:41:17.360 I was joking.

00:41:19.180 I was...

00:41:19.740 For a second, I was like, maybe I should go get them.

00:41:22.240 You know, if we don't have them, how can you get them?

00:41:24.420 No, I think she was saying she was going to go to the store.

00:41:25.640 You can go to 7-Eleven.

00:41:26.420 I do have a 7-Eleven. 0.99

00:41:27.320 Yo, are you fucking serious? 0.97

00:41:28.880 I didn't have something to the house, though. 0.97

00:41:29.880 That was like an old school.

00:41:31.240 Wait, sorry.

00:41:31.880 How terrified are you of losing your job?

00:41:34.260 She goes yes

00:41:36.240 I'll get them right now

00:41:37.860 I'll get them right now

00:41:40.080 Where's my keys

00:41:41.320 She goes I have a box for everybody

00:41:42.880 What

00:41:43.800 It was Dunkaroos

00:41:48.160 But that's in Puerto Rico Caitlin 0.99

00:41:49.700 It's fine

00:41:50.620 I still am in shock that she would just say

00:41:54.920 I'm gonna go get it

00:41:55.660 You know what I appreciate it

00:41:56.680 They're just in the car

00:41:59.360 She was gonna get in the car 0.80

00:42:02.120 You know what 1.00

00:42:02.980 I was just fucking with you 1.00

00:42:05.360 You know what good kid 1.00

00:42:06.260 She's a good kid

00:42:07.240 She really is a good kid

00:42:08.500 You know who's not a good kid

00:42:09.840 Mike Tyson 0.98

00:42:11.160 The guy who was fucking heckling Mike Tyson 0.98

00:42:13.660 What was he thinking dude 1.00

00:42:15.220 Mike fuck that guy 1.00

00:42:17.100 Mike Tyson 1.00

00:42:18.180 Really

00:42:19.820 There's a video of the kid

00:42:21.680 Leaned over the back of his first class seat

00:42:25.380 It's very Forrest Gump 0.99

00:42:26.140 You remember Forrest Gump fight where he's just fucking 0.98

00:42:28.320 I mean bro you gotta be 1.00

00:42:30.080 An absolute moron 1.00

00:42:32.360 Like, I'm sorry. 1.00

00:42:33.140 Well, I guess you know what happened.

00:42:34.480 To heckle Mike.

00:42:34.840 But they took selfies with him before they got on the plane.

00:42:37.300 Mike's like, because, you know, you've been around Mike.

00:42:39.320 He's a sweet dude.

00:42:40.220 Yeah.

00:42:40.460 Especially on Shrooms, the sweetest dude.

00:42:42.060 And so you were, like, talking, talking.

00:42:44.600 They used pictures.

00:42:45.300 Mike's like, all right, cool.

00:42:45.940 And the guy's sitting behind him.

00:42:47.180 I guess he won't stop yapping at him.

00:42:48.640 And Mike's like, hey, bro, I'm trying to chill, man. 1.00

00:42:51.040 And the guy starts talking shit. 0.99

00:42:52.960 And that's when Mike was like, what? 1.00

00:42:54.160 And he kept talking shit. 1.00

00:42:55.180 And then you see the force go. 1.00

00:42:56.420 I mean, that's what happened.

00:42:57.660 I can relate to this because when you take a selfie with someone,

00:43:02.360 typically especially at an airport especially if you're trying to mind your own business

00:43:06.380 that's going to be the end of our interaction maybe if i'm interested in the conversation

00:43:10.900 sure but like if we're especially sitting next to each other on a plane my back is to you you

00:43:15.880 don't you're reading that i'm not into the conversation stop the fact that the kid was

00:43:20.160 making videos and pursuing just this relentless approach of just being obnoxious behind mike 0.99

00:43:25.040 tyson continuing to just pester him and then to the point where he's talking shit yeah 0.99

00:43:30.620 play stupid games win stupid prizes oh he won dog yeah he was also not a kid i think he looked kind 1.00

00:43:37.320 of he was he was like fucking 40 looked like a fuck asshole yeah you can tell look like an 1.00

00:43:42.940 isn't it so funny how you sometimes get these events where like the general public is so on 1.00

00:43:48.100 just one side like remember with the whole chris rock will smith thing there was like a line drawn

00:43:53.520 drawn in the sand and like some people were like you shouldn't talk about people's wives and some 0.99

00:43:56.760 People were like, it's comedy, fuck it 0.99

00:43:58.060 We say we don't make jokes 0.99

00:44:00.140 Dude, there's not a single person on this one

00:44:02.980 That's like Mike Tyson was in the wrong

00:44:04.440 The way the law works

00:44:07.820 Black and white, that guy had compressed charges

00:44:09.920 That's assault, brother

00:44:11.200 You're going to prison

00:44:12.300 He won't do prison

00:44:16.740 I think he's already started his defense

00:44:19.640 Which was that the guy threw something at him

00:44:21.180 He was defending himself from water bottles

00:44:23.780 Supposedly it was a bucket

00:44:25.240 Well, it's like Cain Velasquez.

00:44:28.840 It's like Cain Velasquez, right?

00:44:30.520 What happened with that?

00:44:31.260 Did he actually shoot people?

00:44:33.420 Yeah.

00:44:35.140 Well, how is it like that?

00:44:36.840 It's like that because, again, to his point,

00:44:39.640 some of the public's, obviously, the majority of the public,

00:44:43.020 especially if you're a parent, you're writing super hard for Cain.

00:44:45.760 Some people, especially the law, is like, 0.99

00:44:47.820 no, dude, you can't fucking shoot. 0.98

00:44:49.840 He chased this dude who supposedly molested a ton of kids, 0.99

00:44:54.800 molested a family member i heard it was his daughter so kane found that out knew the guy

00:44:59.380 was getting bail and you know uh premeditated all this and followed the dude and was trying 0.96

00:45:05.480 to run him off the road and fought him for like seven miles in fucking san jose so you're putting 0.95

00:45:10.700 the public in danger that's the way the law's gonna look at and he's shooting his gun oh he 0.98

00:45:14.400 shot 11 times he hit the dad of the pedophile the molester hit the dad so you know he it's tough

00:45:22.120 You got to be good with it.

00:45:23.260 Because do you remember the case back in the 70s or 80s

00:45:26.140 where the dude was making believe he was on the pay phone?

00:45:28.720 Boom. 0.92

00:45:29.160 The guy that raped his daughter was walking by him to go to court. 0.99

00:45:34.420 He hung up the fake phone call. 1.00

00:45:36.280 One bullet to the fucking head got let off. 1.00

00:45:38.860 Not let off. 1.00

00:45:39.960 Well, but he still didn't do like a slap on the wrist.

00:45:43.160 How?

00:45:43.320 Bro, literally turned around, handgun to the side of the head 1.00

00:45:46.220 and blew his brains out. 0.99

00:45:47.780 It was being filmed. 0.64

00:45:49.460 You could watch it.

00:45:50.000 How did he get off?

00:45:50.960 they gave him like crime of passion or something like that but but see where kane's issue is it's

00:45:56.640 premeditated because they knew the day the guy was going to get out and have yeah but so did

00:46:00.060 so did true he was acting no i know i've seen it unless he was actually on the payphone just so

00:46:05.880 coincidentally wow that's the guy yeah that's random boom yeah so his brains out you needed

00:46:12.060 to go to a jury because his defense is going to be you know madness and wasn't premeditated just 0.96

00:46:18.240 flip the fuck out because the guy posted bail so he needs that he needs that he needs the jury to 0.99

00:46:22.820 be like we have kids we get it because as a as a dad dude this is my thing with kane fuck a gun 0.99

00:46:28.700 dude if someone touches my kid i have a set of skills and kane has way better skills than me 0.96

00:46:33.440 he was a champion i was never champion i was top 10 never champion though talking about a cleaver 0.53

00:46:37.180 dude what's up dog so i'm yeah i'm not there's no gun involved i'm i'm gonna beat you with my 0.96

00:46:42.960 you have a specific set you have a specific set of skills like if you would have beat the shit out 1.00

00:46:47.340 of him with an inch of his life and i'd be like dude this is gonna happen every friday motherfucker 1.00

00:46:52.080 for the rest of your life i'm not gonna shoot you that's too easy of a way out i don't know why he 1.00

00:46:56.660 did that and then now he's fucking you know the worst thing is that kid gets molested and now she 1.00

00:47:01.200 doesn't have her dad and let's say he gets convicted dude you're looking minimum premeditated 15 20 0.99

00:47:06.560 years yeah so that kid grows up without a dad so it's a real shitty situation i hate to bring this 0.99

00:47:11.300 Now talk about your piss story. 0.99

00:47:12.560 Go.

00:47:14.140 Please, no.

00:47:15.000 Bring it back. 0.77

00:47:15.760 Bring back the piss. 0.97

00:47:16.360 No. 1.00

00:47:16.960 Someone throw a buck at me.

00:47:18.100 So you know Neon Carnival, right?

00:47:20.080 It's like the biggest thing.

00:47:22.020 You know when you have to take a piss. 0.99

00:47:23.000 Bro, I just want to let you know, that's the kind of shit that I'm into, and I want to 1.00

00:47:26.220 reiterate it. 0.99

00:47:26.700 I was into it, dude.

00:47:27.040 I like that.

00:47:28.520 I was into it.

00:47:29.140 But maybe it's just a sign because he said no, the audience will always agree with him,

00:47:32.720 but I'm telling you, maybe me and you, we do some storytelling sometime.

00:47:36.360 Whatever.

00:47:36.980 Different time, different place.

00:47:38.000 asap rocky also shot someone he just got he just got arrested yesterday after he came back to the

00:47:44.300 states with rihanna why is he shooting somebody it was out of like a private he was out in the 0.96

00:47:49.460 streets got in a fight and fucking shot at somebody four times evidently grazed his hand and 0.96

00:47:53.580 terrible shot yeah four times hit him once and that's my takeaway from it yeah that shot that 0.99

00:47:58.660 shot that shot why are why are all these people uh doing all that stuff you know i mean if you're

00:48:04.860 ASAP. Rocky, remember? He was in, what was it?

00:48:06.820 Sweden. Stockholm.

00:48:08.100 Yeah, he went to fucking... 1.00

00:48:09.480 And didn't Trump get him out? 1.00

00:48:12.340 No, no, no.

00:48:13.980 That's what he said?

00:48:16.260 Trump literally called him and was like,

00:48:18.020 yo, man, we need ASAP. We need some more music.

00:48:19.880 We need music ASAP. 0.99

00:48:21.960 No fucking way you got Dunkaroos. 0.99

00:48:24.260 What? 1.00

00:48:24.860 Wait, how did you do that?

00:48:28.460 How did you get Dunkaroos?

00:48:30.860 Wait, hold on. She's lying.

00:48:32.520 No, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop.

00:48:34.200 Good kid

00:48:35.760 Are you serious

00:48:37.260 Yeah of course you get brownie points

00:48:40.560 This is a great thing

00:48:43.200 You don't care about 1.00

00:48:44.840 The fact that she just fucked us like that 1.00

00:48:47.120 And told us one thing and then went back on it 0.99

00:48:49.360 Maybe she wasn't sure though

00:48:50.640 She said she had him in the car

00:48:53.500 Then you said why did you say you had him in the car

00:48:55.200 She obviously went to the store

00:48:56.280 Did you go to the store

00:48:56.920 No stop stop

00:48:59.760 I don't know why you're doing this

00:49:01.920 Say right now were they in the car

00:49:03.760 What store did you go to

00:49:07.040 7-11

00:49:08.160 No no no stop

00:49:09.200 What store did you go to

00:49:10.240 How much were they apiece

00:49:12.100 They were in the car

00:49:14.680 Why are you being so shady about this 0.99

00:49:16.700 Forget it Caitlin get out of here

00:49:18.320 Thank you for the Dunkers

00:49:19.900 Can I give a conspiracy threat here 1.00

00:49:22.620 She might just be like the biggest Dunkeroo fan ever 1.00

00:49:25.380 She's just eating in the car 1.00

00:49:26.780 She don't want to give them away 0.71

00:49:27.960 It's a very fat kid move 0.78

00:49:29.840 And by saying you went to 7-11 0.69

00:49:32.160 You get more brownie points

00:49:33.440 So you're saying they're in

00:49:34.840 Wait a second

00:49:36.960 Wait a second

00:49:38.000 Take these away from me

00:49:39.580 Brandon open yours

00:49:42.560 Stop open yours

00:49:43.340 Open yours

00:49:45.700 Checking the icing color

00:49:47.520 No don't want it

00:49:49.960 Take it away

00:49:51.100 Brandon give it back

00:49:53.560 Has to be the funfetti 0.99

00:49:56.280 Or that sweet white 1.00

00:49:57.920 I'm sorry 1.00

00:49:58.500 That is what we grew up on

00:50:03.100 I really enjoy that one.

00:50:04.320 Listen, remember the ready packs where you used a little red stick to put the cheese on?

00:50:09.080 Can you imagine if it was jalapeno jack?

00:50:10.920 I'd be furious. 1.00

00:50:11.820 Furious.

00:50:12.700 Hold on a second.

00:50:13.540 These are delicious.

00:50:14.200 No, I'm having a good time.

00:50:15.500 Whatever.

00:50:16.840 Oh, that's a good idea.

00:50:17.760 These are good.

00:50:18.960 Oh, my God.

00:50:19.640 That's such a good idea.

00:50:20.340 You know what?

00:50:20.580 They've changed the cookies, though, haven't they?

00:50:22.300 They used to be the shape of kangaroos.

00:50:23.880 Kangaroos. 0.99

00:50:24.300 Yeah, now it's fucking Scrooge McDuck corn. 0.99

00:50:26.900 That's a good idea. 0.99

00:50:27.900 Did you want some?

00:50:29.900 You sure?

00:50:30.640 Who wants some over there?

00:50:33.100 These are good

00:50:34.740 I'm sorry for putting you on the spot

00:50:37.180 And making you answer all those questions

00:50:38.300 These are delicious 0.99

00:50:39.720 Still fucking fire 0.99

00:50:41.120 After all these years 1.00

00:50:43.040 Still doing it

00:50:44.380 Some things never change bro

00:50:46.040 Some things do 1.00

00:50:47.820 Whoever defunded Dunkaroos should fuck themselves 1.00

00:50:50.860 Your friend Kyle here 1.00

00:50:52.600 I almost sexually harassed him

00:50:54.780 For the second I met him 0.74

00:50:56.480 You're both short kings what happened

00:50:57.960 You almost

00:50:59.700 He was bending over getting a shot 1.00

00:51:02.140 and i thought it was david so i leaned back to slap the shit out of his ass and i was like wait 1.00

00:51:07.420 a second and i caught it for one second and i was like oh my god i almost sexually assaulted 1.00

00:51:12.780 is that song you do a lot with david yeah i slap his ass all the time that's cool that's 0.99

00:51:16.780 fire case yeah i i had this happen once with uh my girlfriend she was with her friend who looks 0.98

00:51:25.740 exactly like her from the back and they were both wearing like a dark outfit that day and i'm

00:51:30.940 I'm colorblind, so I don't pay attention to fashion, clothes, anything, identifiers at all. 0.99

00:51:36.000 And I accidentally slapped her friend's ass instead of hers. 0.99

00:51:40.300 And how'd she react, though? 1.00

00:51:41.180 She's like, hey.

00:51:43.400 See, that's what the conspiracy was.

00:51:46.500 They're like, you did it on purpose.

00:51:48.120 I'm like, bro.

00:51:48.920 Oh, they pinned you like that?

00:51:49.900 No, they didn't. 0.96

00:51:50.640 But it was permanently now fucking weird. 0.77

00:51:53.980 It's weird.

00:51:54.660 Like, how do you come back from that?

00:51:55.860 How did she react?

00:51:56.400 Awkward.

00:51:57.080 Yeah, that depends on how she reacted.

00:51:59.380 The friend?

00:51:59.960 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:00.160 She looked at me with big bug eyes 0.70

00:52:01.980 And was like why did you just do that

00:52:03.800 And I went

00:52:04.220 I am so sorry

00:52:07.980 Wait when was that

00:52:10.440 We were at the ranch

00:52:11.760 Yeah cause I remember this

00:52:13.540 It was a whole thing 1.00

00:52:15.620 Well cause that fucking sucks dude 1.00

00:52:17.300 That's really unfortunate 1.00

00:52:18.960 Hey this isn't a prop right

00:52:21.400 I can drink this

00:52:22.100 It just explodes 0.99

00:52:24.020 No it happened and it sucked

00:52:26.760 These things happen George don't feel bad

00:52:28.140 I feel bad

00:52:29.280 I feel weird

00:52:32.700 Is that some sort of crime?

00:52:34.320 Nah, it was an accident

00:52:35.180 I think it's all about intent, bro

00:52:37.420 If it was an accident, it's an accident 1.00

00:52:40.840 It's not like you got knuckle deep in his ass 0.99

00:52:43.580 It was light, too 0.99

00:52:45.000 It wasn't like a hard

00:52:46.360 It's a fun slap

00:52:48.460 Give it a shot

00:52:51.860 Drake Prime

00:52:52.380 Would you replace it with water?

00:52:58.140 all water at all times like in your shower head oh you're saying uh would i take a bath in this

00:53:04.120 yes i'm down for that the way you asked it was great i'm down would you replace it with water 0.99

00:53:10.300 yeah i'm sorry sorry would you be gone but yeah fuck i called george i called george today i was 0.93

00:53:18.860 like hey uh we haven't shot a vlog in a while do you want to come shoot some content later and he 0.98

00:53:23.840 said i'm painting painting pots is that what it was yeah so hear me out before you get all weird

00:53:31.920 right there's some days you look outside you're like wow this is a beautiful day i'm not gonna

00:53:36.120 waste it doing something average so that's my girlfriend i said what are you doing and she's

00:53:39.920 like nothing i said what do you want to do she's like let's go to this craft place where you could

00:53:44.080 paint different pots cups mugs and we did it and it was fantastic now real quick uh my girlfriend

00:53:51.180 to be a boyfriend.

00:53:52.020 No, no.

00:53:52.920 Girlfriend.

00:53:54.280 I'm not trying to assume.

00:53:55.520 I never asked her.

00:53:56.160 I'm just going with

00:53:56.800 what's going on.

00:53:57.480 So you're saying

00:53:58.780 you took David

00:53:59.420 to paint pots today?

00:54:00.600 Is that what you're saying?

00:54:01.660 I went with cut. 1.00

00:54:02.580 I slapped your ass 1.00

00:54:03.520 and then now we're dating. 1.00

00:54:04.860 I've slapped all of your guys' ass 1.00

00:54:06.360 except for yours. 1.00

00:54:07.100 I mean, you can slap my ass. 1.00

00:54:08.600 Are you high for the pot painting? 1.00

00:54:10.960 Is that like,

00:54:11.380 because you do that fully sober?

00:54:14.560 No, yeah, yeah.

00:54:15.120 I was sober.

00:54:15.600 I was sober because we had podcasts.

00:54:17.120 The only reason I smoked

00:54:18.100 is because...

00:54:18.880 Oh, exactly.

00:54:19.720 You did it for an artist for a day. 0.98

00:54:21.180 artists for a day yeah that's fucking cute 0.96

00:54:23.500 hold on a sec that's cool that's cute 0.98

00:54:25.080 that's actually cool

00:54:26.320 dude is that not the best munchie food

00:54:29.200 yeah it is I like it

00:54:30.820 as a kid

00:54:31.840 you did it for content

00:54:35.640 is that uh no we've

00:54:37.160 I mean like vlog yeah yeah she did it for content 0.98

00:54:39.480 cause that's like a 0.91

00:54:41.480 two second b-roll I was gonna say it sucks for your 0.99

00:54:43.400 girl though if you guys are always doing shit and you're like 0.99

00:54:45.320 vlogging actually no she loves this 0.99

00:54:47.240 it'd be exhausting

00:54:49.080 never ever do things between us

00:54:51.020 So, like, no gift giving, no holidays, no nothing.

00:54:53.260 Everything that we do between us is in real life.

00:54:55.880 It's never on camera.

00:54:56.740 That's good.

00:54:57.700 Yeah.

00:54:58.100 God bless you.

00:54:58.820 Thanks, man.

00:54:59.800 It's a tough life out there trying to balance your real life and internet life.

00:55:03.660 Yes.

00:55:04.440 Unless you're you.

00:55:05.600 What do you mean?

00:55:06.300 Just doing stuff.

00:55:07.840 I mean, you're doing stuff.

00:55:08.780 What are you talking about?

00:55:09.240 Yeah, but I have to do the balance.

00:55:11.800 Because your life is kind of...

00:55:13.540 My lifestyle.

00:55:14.200 My life is my work.

00:55:15.200 Yes.

00:55:15.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:55:16.920 That's what's great about stand-up.

00:55:18.900 Turn it off and on, right?

00:55:19.980 Like there's time to turn it on

00:55:21.340 There's time to turn it off

00:55:22.360 Then you know podcasting

00:55:23.480 You know you're on

00:55:24.320 But still

00:55:24.860 This is you guys

00:55:26.760 You know what I'm saying

00:55:27.280 So it's not an act

00:55:28.580 You know what I'm saying

00:55:29.180 This feels different

00:55:30.620 Podcasting does

00:55:31.600 This is very easy

00:55:32.440 I think this was the

00:55:33.880 I'm sure you've heard this before

00:55:34.980 You guys know this

00:55:35.960 I think it's the

00:55:36.760 Smartest choice you made

00:55:38.620 For people

00:55:39.440 Because this is how people

00:55:40.440 Get to know you

00:55:41.380 Yeah

00:55:41.680 Yep

00:55:42.140 So I remember when you started it

00:55:43.440 I was like that's brilliant

00:55:44.640 People are going to get to know him

00:55:45.920 Instead of

00:55:46.300 Because when you shoot those vlogs 1.00

00:55:48.260 What the fuck they do 1.00

00:55:49.040 You know I'm older 1.00

00:55:49.520 I don't know what the hell you were doing.

00:55:50.840 Yeah, that was it.

00:55:51.440 Yeah, so it's like, it's a heightened version of you

00:55:54.620 and you're doing stuff for the views.

00:55:56.600 For sure.

00:55:56.920 That's not you.

00:55:57.980 I agree.

00:55:58.800 You know what I'm saying?

00:55:59.580 100%.

00:55:59.900 I 100% agree with you.

00:56:01.120 This is like a spine of my life.

00:56:02.820 Correct.

00:56:02.980 I'll be doing Impulsive probably forever.

00:56:04.720 Forever.

00:56:05.080 Like action forever.

00:56:05.400 And you can do it forever.

00:56:06.960 Also, financially, you can do it to where our nuts are to the ground.

00:56:11.420 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:56:11.920 We can do it to our fucking... 0.98

00:56:12.980 I'll be doing a podcast on 150, which I'm making, by the way. 0.99

00:56:17.600 I'm going to be 150 years old 0.98

00:56:20.160 Hopefully yeah with science and shit you're saying 0.98

00:56:23.420 We need Elon to get going here 1.00

00:56:24.760 Fuck Twitter dude let's get rolling on this other shit 1.00

00:56:26.820 Did you see the valuations for Elon's companies today 1.00

00:56:28.800 He's damn near a trillionaire right

00:56:31.420 Elon himself

00:56:34.200 He's going to be the close

00:56:35.560 He's definitely the closest for sure

00:56:37.920 That's absurd being a trillionaire

00:56:39.900 Anyways

00:56:41.200 I guess the estimation

00:56:43.180 Years seem to be a trillionaire

00:56:44.620 Tesla trillion dollar valuation

00:56:47.140 SpaceX, 100 bill

00:56:48.860 PayPal, 100 bill

00:56:50.720 The Boring Company, 5.6 billion

00:56:52.960 SolarCity, 2.6

00:56:55.060 Neuralink, estimated 1 billion

00:56:56.540 Crushing

00:56:57.180 Some people just got it all

00:57:00.780 He's pretty funny on Twitter too

00:57:02.580 He has it all, but it's also a blessing and a curse

00:57:04.560 Because when you're that smart

00:57:05.500 He was on Rogan, right?

00:57:07.660 And he was saying how

00:57:08.560 The frequency that he's on 1.00

00:57:12.500 He's a fucking alien, right? 0.99

00:57:13.660 He's smart in everybody 1.00

00:57:14.460 So it's like, he can never shut it off 0.99

00:57:17.100 so like sleep and like communicating you know he might have a touch of fucking autism because 0.97

00:57:22.860 so smart yeah so like his like engagement is a beast for him because when you talk this is what 0.98

00:57:29.440 i heard he said i can't quote this but for our regular conversations for him to break it down

00:57:34.860 that's why he answers so slow he says it's like him it's like a regular person talking to a four

00:57:39.400 year old what yeah so he's like so if if you were talking to a four-year-old you know you're like 0.90

00:57:44.820 if you're like oh dad what's a car yeah you're breaking some bullshit down that's how his daily 0.98

00:57:49.840 interaction with anybody engineers at fucking spacex wow and they'll they'll have a problem 0.99

00:57:55.460 they said he'll come in just like and they've been working on it for months come like no no 0.99

00:57:59.020 literally will stare and go do this this this and they're like fuck dude we've been working on this 0.98

00:58:03.480 for months he's that smart he's a monster oh my god he's also funny he's like you know he's basically 0.99

00:58:07.920 you know how famous is he now like all these rich guys want to be like elon because he's witty and 0.99

00:58:12.420 He's good on fucking Twitter and shit. 0.96

00:58:14.540 I heard, I don't know if this is 100% true, 1.00

00:58:17.340 but he was in Iron Man's movie.

00:58:19.180 But I think Robert Downey Jr. is kind of mimicking Elon.

00:58:22.560 Like, he wanted to pull off that persona.

00:58:25.200 And now you think about it, you're like, oh, that makes sense.

00:58:28.540 Think about dating him.

00:58:29.900 It's pretty exhausting.

00:58:30.900 Because he's, like, trying to break it down.

00:58:32.360 He's kind of a...

00:58:32.680 He's got some chicken head. 1.00

00:58:34.080 You're like, fuck, bitch. 1.00

00:58:35.220 He's kind of a... 1.00

00:58:35.920 He does pretty well. 1.00

00:58:37.280 Taking selfies of your ass. 1.00

00:58:38.960 I'm trying to get to Mars. 1.00

00:58:39.700 I'm trying to get to Mars.

00:58:40.580 You know what I'm saying?

00:58:40.940 I'm trying to leave this planet.

00:58:42.180 Like literally with the spaceship

00:58:43.860 I'm so rich

00:58:45.640 I'm gonna get the fuck out of here 0.97

00:58:47.080 I can't imagine dating Elon Musk 0.69

00:58:50.040 What is that like?

00:58:51.460 I think he has like 9 kids

00:58:53.600 He does great with girls

00:58:56.740 Oh dude 1.00

00:58:57.200 You don't come up with fucking brain chips 1.00

00:58:59.520 I feel like he probably turns it back on 1.00

00:59:01.820 When he does the conversation with girls

00:59:04.020 Like he turns it back up to like 8 0.88

00:59:06.480 To like to intrigue them

00:59:08.420 You think he goes way down

00:59:11.160 Can you imagine him trying to explain

00:59:13.180 Like the different cuts of steak

00:59:15.160 At like a steakhouse but he keeps it on nine

00:59:17.720 You know what I'm saying

00:59:18.660 It's just exhausting

00:59:19.520 Yeah they're not into that

00:59:20.440 I think if you can

00:59:23.160 A lot of these smart

00:59:26.860 Uber nerd guys

00:59:29.200 They can like confuse with that

00:59:31.360 Ultra heightened conversation 1.00

00:59:33.720 And the girls are spending 0.99

00:59:35.440 So much time trying to figure out 0.81

00:59:37.300 Like what even one of the words means

00:59:39.240 They're like googling that one word

00:59:41.020 It's kind of like your piss story for everybody in the show

00:59:42.680 Right, yes, correct 0.75

00:59:44.200 And a certain hemisphere of the audience

00:59:46.580 We gotta go to dinner

00:59:50.180 Wait, right now?

00:59:51.260 A 42 minute Boys Only episode?

00:59:54.640 Is that how long?

00:59:56.680 What'd you say?

00:59:58.240 No, no, I want to hear what you're saying right now

00:59:59.460 We are here late

01:00:02.440 It's 8.30pm

01:00:03.480 How long has the episode been?

01:00:05.840 No, we never do it this late

01:00:07.040 It's been an hour?

01:00:09.360 I'm not here for disheveling the audience. 0.93

01:00:11.120 Dana White was our latest one.

01:00:13.100 His was like midnight.

01:00:14.080 Why'd he come at midnight?

01:00:15.500 Does what he wants.

01:00:16.320 He landed at like 10 and then was like an hour late because he was taking care of it.

01:00:19.740 Dana, I get it.

01:00:20.680 It's Dana, dude.

01:00:21.420 It was good talk.

01:00:22.420 Great.

01:00:22.960 You just had Masvidal on too, right?

01:00:24.380 Yeah.

01:00:25.040 Dude, we have some good episodes.

01:00:26.520 We have Liver King, who we're really excited about.

01:00:29.920 We have Kevin O'Leary, Jeffree Star, and that's it.

01:00:35.720 well and we're going to we're going to film gary v gary v i'm with gary v next week or two weeks 0.97

01:00:41.540 cool new york yeah he's a beast dude he's the shit dude you know what i'm gonna tell the story 0.96

01:00:45.560 about your brother um so he was at uh the improv right and he me and him are you know just chopping 0.99

01:00:51.760 up and he goes you think i'll uh realistically you think i'll get that connor fight i go i do

01:00:55.900 i think it's possibly because this is why you're gonna get it i said it's gonna happen no matter

01:01:01.060 what whether dana plays ball or not that you and connor are going to fight at some point

01:01:05.240 dana's a businessman so he knows that that's gonna happen so he wants to be you know involved

01:01:12.940 with it because of the best marketing you know machine on the planet he wants to be involved in

01:01:17.040 it so i i think there's a possibility he didn't say you he would never not let you fight in the

01:01:21.960 ufc there's a chance i said the one caveat is and this is i think really important for the the

01:01:28.100 viewers of this jake's thing with the fighter pay and all that shit a lot of ufc fighters right

01:01:34.920 we're taking shots at you and jake right and like oh they're just doing this for a quick fix and now 0.62

01:01:39.380 you guys been doing it longer people like maybe they really doing it for the right reasons and

01:01:43.240 jake was going at dana with fighter pay that's always been the knock on dana fighter pay fighter 0.97

01:01:47.780 pay fighter pay it's like apple and how they fucking use you know slave labor to make our 0.65

01:01:52.280 iphones right so for dana it's always been fighter pay so jake went for fighter pay so i told jake 0.89

01:01:59.140 remember the deal he offered dana goes hey i'll fight connor in the ufc um if i win though you

01:02:05.980 got to increase the minimum salary for fighters and if i lose you can donate my salary to the 0.95

01:02:11.040 rest of the card right whatever the fuck you said i told jake i said here's you got to back down on 0.97

01:02:16.280 that and he's like what i go hear me out here you got to back down that because let's say you do be 0.99

01:02:21.760 connor could happen let's say you knock out connor mcgregor and let's say dana makes to be

01:02:28.340 outlandish 100 million dollars off that fight he's still losing money because if he increases

01:02:34.420 that fighter's pay for the rest of the fucking eternity of the ufc it's gonna cost him hundreds 0.54

01:02:40.680 of millions of dollars so it's not the juice isn't worth the squeeze for him did he say how 0.94

01:02:44.580 much he has to increase the pay by he i'm sure it's in the you know the details i don't know

01:02:49.180 But either way, think how many fighters are.

01:02:50.960 You're talking hundreds of million dollars over a course of whatever, 10 years, maybe even close to a billion over the years.

01:02:55.640 So I told Jake and this is by him.

01:02:57.820 I thought he was just saying it to get at Dana.

01:03:00.580 And I go, so you're going to have to back down on the fighter pay.

01:03:03.220 And he goes, can't do it.

01:03:05.400 What?

01:03:06.200 Can't do it.

01:03:07.500 What?

01:03:08.080 Oh, you're serious about this. 0.96

01:03:09.180 He goes, I'm fucking dead serious about this, man. 0.96

01:03:10.820 I won't fight him.

01:03:11.800 If you don't increase the pay, it's not happening. 0.98

01:03:13.560 I was like, damn, dude, you're really serious about this. 0.95

01:03:15.840 Good on you, man. 0.99

01:03:16.940 Cool.

01:03:17.260 Yeah, it's pretty dope.

01:03:18.020 I didn't know that

01:03:19.740 I wasn't sure

01:03:20.820 I didn't know which way that was going to go

01:03:23.020 He was down

01:03:24.460 Jake's crushing it right now

01:03:27.100 He's in PR, he's focused 1.00

01:03:28.920 He's not doing any dumb shit 0.99

01:03:31.080 The weird thing that 0.97

01:03:32.720 I don't know if you guys talked about

01:03:34.300 Him going after Bisping

01:03:35.920 They've been doing that a lot

01:03:38.600 The past couple days

01:03:39.340 Jake's been going at him

01:03:41.040 Bisping has one eye, he's older 0.65

01:03:43.840 I felt like that was silly

01:03:45.120 I wish I would have advised Jake to not do that

01:03:48.000 Just a waste of breath

01:03:48.820 So you guys don't talk

01:03:49.600 He doesn't come to me all the time on stuff

01:03:53.880 He does on some stuff

01:03:55.500 And not others

01:03:57.260 As is the same

01:03:58.560 But like I don't know

01:04:00.520 I wish I probably could have told him to not

01:04:02.960 I tell people all the time about you

01:04:05.200 I'm not just saying it's because you're here in a cool shirt

01:04:07.100 I say

01:04:07.580 As far as business wise goes 0.99

01:04:10.240 I know some smart fucking people 0.98

01:04:13.500 Business wise you're a smart guy 0.99

01:04:15.040 So if I'm Jake

01:04:16.180 I'm going to you

01:04:16.900 If Jake came to me

01:04:17.740 I'd say

01:04:18.040 Dude don't go after Bisping

01:04:19.620 He's older

01:04:20.200 He's doing his thing

01:04:20.940 In his lane

01:04:22.160 He's crushing it dude

01:04:22.980 Bisping's a good dude

01:04:23.940 Go for Anderson

01:04:25.140 If you want those accolades

01:04:26.780 Go for Anderson Silva

01:04:27.680 That's a good

01:04:28.500 Former champ

01:04:29.140 One of the best ever

01:04:30.040 Go for Anderson dude

01:04:31.000 That's the move

01:04:32.040 If you want to earn

01:04:32.780 Everybody's respect

01:04:33.440 Go for Anderson

01:04:34.000 Tough fight

01:04:35.440 I agree

01:04:35.960 I agree with you

01:04:36.600 Let him get a little better

01:04:38.420 And then

01:04:38.840 Sure

01:04:39.860 Because Anderson boxes

01:04:41.020 And has boxed for over

01:04:42.280 Well Anderson just beat

01:04:43.080 Julio Cesar Chavez

01:04:44.420 He's a junior

01:04:44.960 Yeah, Anderson's very good

01:04:46.000 He's a good boxer

01:04:46.800 Multiple world champ

01:04:48.340 We gotta go to dinner, bro

01:04:49.980 Yeah, sorry, guys

01:04:50.700 It's all good

01:04:51.240 Where can they watch your special?

01:04:52.640 Thanks, man

01:04:53.140 Thick Boy YouTube

01:04:54.260 Drops Thursday

01:04:55.360 Great, congrats, dude

01:04:56.320 That's fun

01:04:57.020 I'll be watching

01:04:57.520 Yeah, thanks, brother

01:04:58.220 It's called the Gringo Poppy 1.00

01:04:59.440 I just roast my Mexican family 1.00

01:05:01.520 I roast the shit out 1.00

01:05:03.640 They were not happy 1.00

01:05:05.240 When they came out

01:05:05.800 Fantastic

01:05:06.420 Kevin, how do you feel about that? 1.00

01:05:09.260 He's Mexican 1.00

01:05:10.020 Yeah, we'll see

01:05:11.620 He goes, I haven't heard the jokes

01:05:12.660 Some Flamin' Hot Cheeto jokes 0.98

01:05:14.200 in there shit like that you'll like it man well guys thank you for listening to this episode of 0.99

01:05:17.700 impulsive we love you we'll see you next week hit that subscribe button peace lisa tell them about 0.99

01:05:23.020 our new show we have a new podcast it's called don't lie to me i'm lexi uanu we're two best

01:05:28.820 friends 22 years apart but so close at heart and i'm lisa di julio the old one which means we have

01:05:35.200 wildly different references occasionally different opinions and at this point in my 50s i've lived

01:05:40.220 it all now in my 30s being the founder of new shoes good taste is my business listen on the

01:05:46.760 iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hi this is kylie breakman

01:05:54.420 angela geritana jeremy colhan patrick mcdonald and we're the hosts of the artists on artists

01:05:59.100 on artists on artists podcast the improvised character comedy podcast where each week a

01:06:03.900 new panel of artists discuss their craft join us for a panel of eurovision participants and

01:06:09.940 we do a little halloween sometimes does the pope dress up he he winks on halloween he gets right

01:06:16.200 up next to the microphone you can i hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other you never

01:06:20.880 seen italy so quiet as when the pope gets up to wink on halloween listen to artists on artists

01:06:27.100 on artists on artists every thursday on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you

01:06:32.000 get your podcasts i'm lacy mosley author actor stand-up comedian creator and host of scam goddess

01:06:38.040 podcast the true crime comedy podcast all about robbery fraud and those who practice it each week

01:06:43.800 i bring on an amazing guest oh i scammed them what i could talk to you for an hour you're a

01:06:48.700 generational yapper like me that's why i had to make yapping a job and now you can catch full

01:06:53.620 episodes of my show on youtube start listening to scam goddess on the iheart radio app apple

01:06:58.880 podcast or wherever you get your podcast i'm hamza and i'm martin and we're the hosts of

01:07:05.840 out of character the funniest podcast in the entire world i like that it's a good way to

01:07:13.500 promote ourselves we are two funny guys having fun enjoying ourselves and we just know how to

01:07:18.380 have fun unlike anyone else if you guys like fun conversations hot takes what else not too hot

01:07:25.040 just kind of lukewarm take to get your mind thinking a little bit listen out of character

01:07:29.300 on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts

Impaulsive with Logan Paul - April 26, 2022

E323 Logan Paul Pukes On Model At Coachella, Chokes Out Greg Paul (w⧸ Brendan Schaub)

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