JustPearlyThings - April 19, 2023


Modern Society Programs Men Into Being Women


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

226.9956

Word count

2,929

Sentence count

233

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

13

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss toxic masculinity and what it means to be a good man. We also discuss the difference between being a good dancer and being a respectful man and how to be an emotionally available man in a relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I think why it's so hard for women to understand that is because that now is seen as so toxic. 0.59
00:00:05.960 And it's like anyone that acts like that, it's, oh, you're a toxic man or it's coming from insecurities.
00:00:11.860 We are living in an upside down world.
00:00:13.300 And even if we do go back to the Bible, yeah, like kings, they did have multiple wives.
00:00:19.480 And not just multiple wives, but they also had, what's it called?
00:00:23.160 Concubines. 0.98
00:00:23.800 Concubines. 0.98
00:00:24.240 And it kind of makes sense that these people were so loved by God and it's like adultery, it kind of makes sense for you to say cheating is when you're deceitful.
00:00:33.360 But what is toxic masculinity anyway?
00:00:36.200 It's just a couple of words.
00:00:37.080 It's just a buzzword that somebody's made up and it now gets applied to all manner of things just because somebody doesn't like it.
00:00:42.360 It's an easy way to attack a weak man and get him to shut up.
00:00:45.280 I've heard a lot of feminists say that they subconsciously associate masculinity with negativity. 1.00
00:00:51.040 That's where it comes from, that they subconsciously don't like men, you know, and they act, they act it out.
00:00:57.640 They don't know who they are.
00:00:58.660 It's true.
00:00:59.120 It's like, even when they say he needs to open up more and be more emotionally available, you're teaching a man to be a woman. 0.98
00:01:05.200 Men don't, men don't talk about their problems the same way that women do. 1.00
00:01:09.080 They want to bring them down.
00:01:09.960 And they're, and they're automatically assuming that the, like the female way, like the female way is the right way. 0.57
00:01:16.060 And so, yeah, and so like they're saying the, the male way of dealing with problems, like getting, being like aggressive, getting into a fight, not talking about them, that's wrong.
00:01:26.580 But the female way of talking about our problems is right. 1.00
00:01:29.600 Yeah.
00:01:29.840 And it's like, we're brainwashing men and trying to turn them into women. 0.86
00:01:34.000 Yeah.
00:01:34.420 If you talk to them long enough, they will, they will tell you that as well.
00:01:37.140 And they're learning that in school as well.
00:01:38.580 They've told, I went out with someone, I think I mentioned that I was reassessing the way I approached some relationships in an effort to provide more value to people who cared about me, because I can be too introverted sometimes.
00:01:48.840 And her immediate response was, oh, someone's grown up.
00:01:51.900 This is a grown woman.
00:01:53.120 And she was, she apologized for it profusely after, but I noticed these things.
00:01:57.120 I was like, that's what you really think, right?
00:01:59.280 You think, oh, I get therapy.
00:02:00.940 If you really listen to them, how they think, when they say, I want to be his mother, I have to act like his mother, it's, it's there guys.
00:02:06.900 If you listen long enough, it's there.
00:02:08.540 But to answer your question as to what a respectful man is, I would say I am somewhat respectable.
00:02:14.260 So I want to give my opinion in dance.
00:02:16.760 I noticed that a lot of the women go for the teachers who are very overtly sexual and who know how to press their buttons. 1.00
00:02:24.720 They know exactly how to say things, how to create the drama that women like. 1.00
00:02:28.480 And only after they've been with that guy, do they then realize, oh, I want to have like a more someone who's actually going to commit to me as well as being a sexy dance teacher.
00:02:35.580 So they get with some loser who does a lot of work, who talks to everyone, who's not particularly attractive.
00:02:40.240 And then that doesn't work out.
00:02:41.740 Then they come to me and be like, okay, you've got all those qualities, but now you've already disqualified yourself.
00:02:47.280 Yeah.
00:02:47.520 You know, because I spoke to you a while ago.
00:02:49.120 I normally do this.
00:02:49.920 I talk to women. 1.00
00:02:50.740 I ask them out.
00:02:51.280 I'm not, I'm not the best.
00:02:52.960 I don't say like particularly witty things or interesting things.
00:02:55.340 I do that on purpose because I don't think I have to be witty to spend time with someone to get to know someone.
00:02:59.100 I think the effort in itself is valuable.
00:03:00.680 So I let them filter me out knowing that, yeah, you're going to get with Pedro and Juan and then it's going to be Tim and David.
00:03:07.780 And then you're going to be back here winking at me every Saturday.
00:03:10.480 And, you know, and it's a shame they have to learn through experience, but it's literally a cycle.
00:03:15.480 Dance south or learn to dance.
00:03:16.720 You will see the line.
00:03:19.180 You learn so quickly.
00:03:20.900 So value those qualities.
00:03:22.300 Value the guy who comes in.
00:03:23.360 He's playing by example.
00:03:25.020 Value the men who have values.
00:03:26.680 Value the men who aren't chasing.
00:03:28.000 I know it's easy to pick the guy who's constantly chasing you, who's texting you every day, who's doing the most.
00:03:32.980 But that doesn't necessarily mean it's valuable.
00:03:34.640 That doesn't necessarily mean he likes you.
00:03:36.100 He could just be horny.
00:03:37.160 But I feel like a high value man.
00:03:38.680 A woman would want him without him doing anything. 1.00
00:03:41.640 Yes, I agree.
00:03:42.520 Like, I feel like you like chasing.
00:03:45.360 They absorb women. 0.96
00:03:45.960 Like, yeah, I feel like women, it's so sad to say, but you like the guy that actually does nothing.
00:03:51.400 Like my brother, he's someone, he told me that he's very good looking, my brother, yeah.
00:03:55.840 He used to do modelling and stuff, and he told me he's never spoken, that he's never, like, gone to speak to a girl before.
00:04:01.960 Like, a girl has always just come to him.
00:04:03.980 And I was like, what?
00:04:05.180 Like, are you serious?
00:04:05.980 And he was like, yeah.
00:04:07.140 But it's like, I don't know if he's going to find his wife that way, but I don't think he's looking for a wife right now.
00:04:11.560 But it's like, the woman will always come to you if you just attract it. 1.00
00:04:15.680 Well, I think generally in human nature, we want the things that we can't quite get.
00:04:19.320 You know, we can't quite grab hold of.
00:04:21.000 But it seems to be particularly acute in women as far as dating is concerned.
00:04:24.980 You know, they want that guy.
00:04:25.940 They think they can't quite get him.
00:04:27.280 They can't quite get hold of him.
00:04:28.460 You know, maybe he's too, and it's the hypergamy thing, isn't it?
00:04:31.000 You know, is he a little bit too high value for me?
00:04:33.420 Is he slightly out of my reach?
00:04:34.860 Those are the guys that they tend to want.
00:04:36.280 Or you tend to want on a visceral sort of level.
00:04:39.320 He loves me, he loves me not.
00:04:42.320 What do you want to know about men?
00:04:44.780 Me?
00:04:45.220 Yeah.
00:04:45.540 What questions do you have?
00:04:49.060 I might have to have a little think, you know.
00:04:50.980 Yeah, I might have to pass it on to double it and pass it on to the next person.
00:04:55.160 I don't really have anything I want to learn about men particularly, to be honest.
00:05:01.740 I don't have, like, any actual questions.
00:05:03.660 So you were brought up in Brazil, weren't you?
00:05:05.540 You were brought up in Brazil.
00:05:06.880 I was born in America, then I moved to Brazil.
00:05:09.900 Right, okay.
00:05:10.440 Because obviously the society there is a lot more traditional than here, right?
00:05:13.960 So you see a lot of differences when you're here.
00:05:16.220 Yeah, like, my family is, like, an extremely traditional family.
00:05:19.760 Like, my parents expect me to get married in the next few years, be a wife.
00:05:24.060 My mum's, like, growing up, my mum would make, like, jokes, like, 0.82
00:05:27.100 oh, like, say I would eat something and leave the wrap on the table.
00:05:30.040 She'd be like, oh, your husband's going to send you back if you continue this behaviour.
00:05:33.620 Just, like, little things like that, you know?
00:05:35.920 I have a question.
00:05:37.440 Yeah.
00:05:37.740 Don't take offense to this.
00:05:39.160 How does your mum like the tattoos and the nose ring and the crop tops? 1.00
00:05:43.720 No, they don't like it.
00:05:44.300 Because you say you're raised to be a wife and you're, like, more of a traditional woman. 0.94
00:05:48.360 You very well might be.
00:05:49.340 But the way that you present yourself to the world.
00:05:51.200 Oh, yeah, I know.
00:05:51.840 It's very different.
00:05:52.300 And so it's, like, how, if a guy was to approach you, is he going to approach you like a wife
00:05:57.940 or is he going to approach you, like, like a side chick?
00:06:01.780 Well, yeah, obviously I have guys approaching me every single type of way.
00:06:06.360 But once people know what I'm on and know how I am, then they'll approach me the way, like, I want to.
00:06:12.160 Yeah, but we start with looks, right?
00:06:14.360 Oh, yeah, of course.
00:06:14.540 So if you're walking down the street.
00:06:15.520 This is the way I choose to look.
00:06:17.560 Obviously, I'm going to attract the different, like, a different reaction than I originally
00:06:22.300 want.
00:06:23.600 Right, but I ask, I'm just wondering why.
00:06:25.740 Like, why live on hard mode?
00:06:27.460 I don't really live on hard mode.
00:06:28.760 This is just the way I choose to just.
00:06:30.320 Right, well, like, that's what I'm thinking of yourself, right?
00:06:31.960 No, I mean, because you're beautiful.
00:06:33.440 So I'm sure you get approached regardless, right?
00:06:35.940 I'm not really looking to get approached by anyone right now, like.
00:06:39.140 But I just wonder, like, why, if you were raised to be, like, traditional.
00:06:43.480 It's like you're advertising.
00:06:44.420 Yeah, what you mean, because even when I started wearing the crop tops, when I started
00:06:47.720 getting the tattoos, trust me, my parents did not speak to me when I started getting
00:06:52.020 the tattoos.
00:06:53.220 They didn't, like, they're all asking me, why are you dressing this way if you were
00:06:56.680 raised in a very Christian household?
00:06:59.320 But it's just the way I choose to present myself.
00:07:00.760 Is it a reaction against?
00:07:02.560 I don't really think it's a reaction against.
00:07:04.300 It's just my personal style, because I wear a crop top, but then I wear, like, something
00:07:08.140 longer my legs.
00:07:09.040 It's not like I'm showing my whole body, or I'm acting provocative, or I'm acting,
00:07:14.420 like, in a certain way with men.
00:07:16.380 Like, maybe I'm that one example that maybe you can present yourself in one way and be
00:07:21.280 completely the other.
00:07:22.380 Because as you say, we speak about the huge majority, but it's not every single person
00:07:28.320 that's going to be like that.
00:07:29.640 I don't remember if you said earlier, do you want to be married in the next couple of years?
00:07:33.100 Yeah, I do want to be married in the next couple of years.
00:07:34.520 So wouldn't it make sense to present yourself like a wife? 0.99
00:07:37.740 Yeah, of course.
00:07:38.900 Okay, so...
00:07:39.420 Great luck.
00:07:39.920 Yeah, so...
00:07:40.560 Can we take out the nose ring?
00:07:42.420 I'll be so happy.
00:07:44.200 I know.
00:07:44.800 She's got two on her tongue. 1.00
00:07:46.760 One on her belly.
00:07:47.920 Ah, there's...
00:07:48.900 You have a tongue ring, too?
00:07:50.040 Two! 0.99
00:07:50.620 She's got two! 1.00
00:07:52.460 No, but I do feel like that...
00:07:53.700 I think if you like it, you like it.
00:07:55.280 Yeah, I do feel like that determines the type of person I am, because if any of you took
00:07:59.680 just ten minutes out of your day to sit down...
00:08:02.340 No, you're very sweet.
00:08:03.460 I've spoken to you all, so.
00:08:04.400 Very lovely.
00:08:05.160 Yeah, but...
00:08:05.680 But it's more of a...
00:08:06.420 It's the way I present myself.
00:08:07.460 I agree.
00:08:07.960 I complete...
00:08:08.400 I'm not saying anything against, like, the way I look, the way I present myself.
00:08:11.820 I completely agree.
00:08:13.080 The tattoos, the piercings, the crop top, it does say something.
00:08:16.140 But yeah, I'm just saying...
00:08:17.020 But it just doesn't...
00:08:17.440 No, the reason I'm saying this is because I want you to win.
00:08:20.420 Yeah.
00:08:20.620 Like, I want you to win in life.
00:08:22.540 Yeah.
00:08:22.740 And it's like, you know, as nice as it is for people to say, oh, wear what you want.
00:08:28.380 Do, like, do what you want.
00:08:29.280 It's like, it's not going to help you get the outcomes you seem to want.
00:08:34.240 It could, to be honest.
00:08:35.640 I've come across a lot of different people in my life.
00:08:38.700 I present myself in this way, but I get a lot of different reactions.
00:08:42.140 Like, it's all about how you are as a person.
00:08:44.960 Like, this is all about appearance.
00:08:46.700 It's all basically about appearance.
00:08:48.320 That's wrong because men judge you on the way you look.
00:08:50.540 Yeah, men judge on appearance, but then when they actually take that extra step to see how you are.
00:08:54.480 But they're not going to take the extra step to see how you are because they already put you in a box.
00:08:59.360 And then that's their choice.
00:09:00.740 And what they're going to think is, hey, if I make her my wife, if she's my girlfriend, she's going to dress like this. 1.00
00:09:07.200 Oh, yeah.
00:09:07.760 I agree.
00:09:08.560 And this is going to represent me.
00:09:09.900 I'm not saying anything against it.
00:09:11.240 But, like, I agree, men will think that if I dress a certain way, but that's just not the way I am, personally.
00:09:16.300 But, like, surely if a guy came to you and said, like, at first glance and didn't give you the time of day just because of your tattoos and the crop top and the nose ring and whatever,
00:09:25.740 you're emotionally intelligent enough to clock onto that and be like, okay, well, you're not the type of guy that I would say anyway.
00:09:31.120 If you couldn't put me in a box like that, I'll show you in the box.
00:09:33.900 This is my skin.
00:09:34.340 I actually used to put this on my skin.
00:09:36.060 I'm not that type of, like, cool, maybe you can think all sorts of crazy things.
00:09:39.920 Trust me, I get all sorts of crazy reactions with the type of tattoos I have, with the type of dress, like, the way I dress.
00:09:46.660 Do you judge men based on how they dress?
00:09:49.260 Like, if a guy is dressed like a homeless man?
00:09:50.980 Of course, as first appearance, it's not always true.
00:09:54.360 Okay, okay, okay, so...
00:09:55.720 That's why I'm not saying anything against, like, my looks.
00:09:58.160 Right, right, so I'm saying, like, you started shaming men for judging her and saying, well, that's... 0.93
00:10:02.740 I'm not shaming men.
00:10:02.820 No, no, no, not you.
00:10:04.300 And you were saying that, oh, well, that's not the type of man I would want anyways.
00:10:07.660 But how do you know that?
00:10:08.680 Because if you saw a guy that looked homeless, even though he wasn't, you might disqualify him based on...
00:10:15.220 Everyone disqualifies everyone based on looks.
00:10:18.020 Not shaming men as such, but I'm just saying, like, for her, like,
00:10:21.180 I'd hope that she was emotionally intelligent enough to be like, okay, well, if you're going to put me in that box,
00:10:26.360 I have the equal right to then say, okay, then if you're going to put me in a box like that,
00:10:30.980 I can equally put you in a box and move on in my life.
00:10:34.420 You're taking a defensive stance, and I think it's more about kind of being conscious and aware of things.
00:10:40.840 I think the difference is, like, is unnecessary.
00:10:43.700 You don't have to defend yourself spiritually.
00:10:45.580 I think you just have to be more conscious that, like, those high-level guys will notice the tattoos.
00:10:50.200 Like, I don't care, personally, but some guys will.
00:10:52.680 And you've got to just accept that, like, maybe if I wanted to date, like, Bill Gates' son or, like, you know,
00:10:59.200 some aristocrat from France, maybe he won't be into that.
00:11:02.920 And unfortunately, because you're beautiful, he'll probably lie to you.
00:11:05.980 Thank you.
00:11:06.680 Wait, sorry, I just lost my train of thought.
00:11:08.680 Yeah, I called you beautiful.
00:11:09.560 Well, like, I never, like, I don't really judge people really, like, I know people would 100% think things of me just because, just purely based on my tattoos, just on that fact alone.
00:11:25.820 I never let that really play into my mind.
00:11:28.740 Like, I have a very realistic mindset.
00:11:31.020 Well, I would just say, if you do want to be married or you do want a long-term relationship, then I would dress, like, someone that wants to be in one.
00:11:39.600 Yeah, but I don't want to be married right now.
00:11:42.080 I don't need anyone to, like, guide the way I dress right now.
00:11:45.640 But obviously, if I'm married, if I have a man, I'm not going to be.
00:11:49.360 You said you wanted to get married in the next couple years?
00:11:52.120 Couple years, yeah.
00:11:52.960 A few years.
00:11:53.820 More likely a few years than a couple.
00:11:55.660 Maybe we need to add into that 1%, though.
00:11:59.200 Like, if you want to get married to somebody from that 1%. 0.97
00:12:02.060 No, it's not.
00:12:03.380 No, I'm sorry.
00:12:04.560 No, it's just.
00:12:06.880 No, men across the board judge women with tattoos.
00:12:10.140 Yeah, of course.
00:12:10.980 Men across the board judge.
00:12:13.220 You know, if we're going to say a balance of probability, like, there's exceptions, but if we're going to talk about across the board, the men you want.
00:12:18.680 Like, I'm from a pretty well-off community.
00:12:21.940 And, like, most of my brothers make six figures.
00:12:24.080 Most people in our circles make six figures.
00:12:26.960 And I can tell you that they absolutely judge you if you have tattoos.
00:12:30.140 They absolutely judge you if you have piercings.
00:12:32.080 And I didn't always like this.
00:12:33.320 When I was younger, I was like, Mom, you're so judgmental.
00:12:36.780 Why?
00:12:37.140 Like, I was so mad that she wouldn't let me do this stuff.
00:12:39.080 I was just banned on TikTok.
00:12:41.740 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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