JustPearlyThings - Modern Women Don't Know What They Want

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.940 Do you guys consider yourselves traditional women?

00:00:04.120 No.

00:00:04.500 No.

00:00:05.380 No.

00:00:06.200 Okay.

00:00:06.640 Do you guys want traditional relationships or no?

00:00:09.160 No.

00:00:10.180 Okay, so you're good with the 50.

00:00:11.580 Do you want 50-50, the bills?

00:00:13.500 I want 100-100.

00:00:14.920 I don't want 50-50. 0.98

00:00:15.920 I'm saying.

00:00:16.900 What do you mean?

00:00:17.500 You're both paying 100.

00:00:18.500 Do you want to live in separate houses?

00:00:20.740 Oh.

00:00:22.180 Yeah.

00:00:23.460 How is that?

00:00:24.940 I just want to know how this is going to work.

00:00:27.440 I've got two kids.

00:00:28.280 So you have two kids.

00:00:29.120 And you're in a situationship?

00:00:30.920 Situationship with him.

00:00:32.380 Why?

00:00:33.120 I'm just going through a rough patch at the moment, but I'm just praying things get better.

00:00:36.520 That's a whole different ballgame, that is.

00:00:39.240 Situationship.

00:00:39.760 Boy.

00:00:40.060 I just imagine now that there's kids involved.

00:00:42.220 You've got to stay together instead of the situationship.

00:00:45.480 If only that was the case, because with me, I've got three myself.

00:00:50.620 Oh, you have three children as well.

00:00:51.900 Yeah, I've got three myself.

00:00:53.420 But sometimes, you know, as much as you would like for your relationship to work out with

00:00:57.900 your children's father, it just doesn't.

00:01:00.620 How are you kids?

00:01:01.460 I've got two kids.

00:01:02.300 So you have two kids.

00:01:03.240 And you're in a situationship?

00:01:04.800 Situationship with him.

00:01:06.420 Why?

00:01:06.700 I'm just going through a rough patch at the moment, but I'm just praying things get better.

00:01:10.560 That's a whole different ballgame, that is.

00:01:12.860 Situationship.

00:01:13.780 Boy.

00:01:14.040 I just imagine now that there's kids involved.

00:01:16.000 You've got to stay together instead of the situationship.

00:01:19.520 If only that was the case, because with me, I've got three myself.

00:01:24.640 Oh, you have three children as well.

00:01:25.880 Yeah, I've got three myself.

00:01:27.440 But sometimes, you know, as much as you would like for your relationship to work out with

00:01:31.900 your children's father, it just doesn't.

00:01:34.340 Makes it so...

00:01:35.200 What's stopping you guys?

00:01:37.360 A lot.

00:01:38.300 A lot.

00:01:39.040 Boy.

00:01:39.380 Like what?

00:01:41.100 No comment.

00:01:42.500 They'll be exposing them.

00:01:43.760 Okay, you don't have to go into detail.

00:01:46.180 I just wonder when you have kids involved, like what stops two people from being together?

00:01:51.320 Should just behave themselves.

00:01:52.960 What do you mean?

00:01:55.460 You know what men are like? 0.98

00:01:57.660 No matter how much you do for them, but they just want to be dogs. 0.93

00:02:01.380 Woof, woof. 1.00

00:02:02.260 Oh, like the cheating you mean?

00:02:04.100 Yeah, woof, woof. 0.99

00:02:04.900 Come here, doggy.

00:02:05.840 They go running to anyone.

00:02:07.260 Do you have an open Instagram account?

00:02:10.360 Yeah.

00:02:10.760 Okay, so how are we going to, like, judge men for the cheating when most of us have

00:02:14.240 opened Instagrams?

00:02:15.580 So, should we put them on private?

00:02:16.480 I made mine open after.

00:02:19.700 Mm-hmm.

00:02:20.980 Years after.

00:02:21.980 Otherwise, it was private.

00:02:23.600 Mm-hmm.

00:02:24.020 And now I just do whatever.

00:02:25.020 I do me.

00:02:25.740 Okay.

00:02:26.160 What about you?

00:02:26.880 Well, mine is public because I am an artist.

00:02:29.920 Yeah.

00:02:30.260 So, I have to have it public.

00:02:31.820 Yeah, but my point is more of the double standards, right?

00:02:34.540 Because it's like women actively get attention from men. 0.99

00:02:36.800 You guys are pretty girls.

00:02:38.340 Like, you know, you're pretty girls.

00:02:39.380 So, it's like, anytime we have an open Instagram, we're actively getting attention from men.

00:02:43.480 And any man can message you.

00:02:45.400 And so, it's like, it's like often, yeah, I understand that.

00:02:48.280 But it's like, oftentimes, we judge men for cheating in a relationship.

00:02:51.060 But we cheat every day by having open social medias, by accepting attention from men that

00:02:55.080 are not our husbands.

00:02:56.080 But the fact that they are the ones, our men are the ones messaging the girls.

00:03:00.000 Yeah.

00:03:00.400 So, it's a bit, you know, so they are cheating.

00:03:02.860 They are the ones cheating.

00:03:03.880 Yeah, but if you're accepting the messages, like, I think it's equally.

00:03:06.680 Yeah, I agree with that part.

00:03:08.880 I do.

00:03:09.460 Yeah, I do that part.

00:03:10.820 Is that your problem, too?

00:03:12.300 The dog-ness?

00:03:13.260 I don't know.

00:03:14.100 No comment.

00:03:14.700 No comment.

00:03:15.340 Okay, you don't have to.

00:03:16.880 Blessing, you want to do a fun fact?

00:03:18.700 Yeah.

00:03:19.040 So, Blessing, producer of the Just Fairly Things pod, I like to stay behind the scenes in a relationship.

00:03:30.840 So, so question for you guys.

00:03:33.580 Do you guys consider yourselves traditional women?

00:03:36.660 No.

00:03:37.080 No.

00:03:37.960 No.

00:03:38.760 Okay.

00:03:39.180 Do you guys want traditional relationships or no?

00:03:41.700 No.

00:03:42.040 Okay, so you're good with the 50.

00:03:44.140 Do you want 50-50, the bills?

00:03:46.080 I want 100-100.

00:03:47.480 I don't want 50-50. 0.98

00:03:48.480 I'm saying.

00:03:49.480 What do you mean?

00:03:50.080 You're both paying 100.

00:03:51.080 Do you want to live in separate houses?

00:03:53.340 Oh.

00:03:54.700 Yeah.

00:03:56.140 How is that?

00:03:57.500 I just want to know how this is going to, how is this going to work?

00:03:59.820 Well, how is this going to work?

00:04:05.320 How do I put this?

00:04:06.920 I don't know.

00:04:09.960 Okay, you know what?

00:04:11.200 It should be 50-50, right? 0.95

00:04:13.240 It should be.

00:04:15.400 I actually, wait, no.

00:04:16.940 For me.

00:04:17.500 No comment.

00:04:18.100 For me, it should be 100-100 because, you know, they expect the woman to be at home looking after the kids. 1.00

00:04:23.740 And also work, also work, from my point of view, you have to work as well.

00:04:28.580 You know, they put that pressure on you for you to go to work because they're not, the bills are not making sense.

00:04:32.680 Some be housewives, right? 1.00

00:04:34.740 Yeah, some be housewives. 1.00

00:04:35.700 But I'm talking, like, from my point of view, you know what I mean?

00:04:38.240 Like, in my situation, I'm working.

00:04:41.280 I'm also looking after the kids.

00:04:42.520 I'm doing everything.

00:04:43.520 Do you get what I mean?

00:04:44.260 But he just goes to work, comes back.

00:04:46.560 Oh, so you both work?

00:04:48.560 Basically.

00:04:49.240 Okay.

00:04:49.680 But it's like, when it comes to the children.

00:04:51.240 So who watches the kids when you're at work?

00:04:53.460 They have to go to nursery.

00:04:54.740 Oh, they go to, they go to daycare.

00:04:56.200 Yeah, they're grown now.

00:04:56.360 They're grown now.

00:04:56.880 But before that, I was doing swirly.

00:04:58.380 You're 20.

00:04:58.880 So how old are your kids?

00:05:00.360 I've got a two-year-old and a six-year-old.

00:05:03.880 Oh, they're not grown.

00:05:05.060 They are grown.

00:05:05.740 They are.

00:05:06.580 I thought they were going to be, like, 10, like, 15.

00:05:11.400 That's grown to me.

00:05:12.380 A two-year-old?

00:05:12.880 That's mine.

00:05:13.820 Yeah, my little baby.

00:05:14.880 Yeah.

00:05:15.540 My daughter is 10, so I've got three.

00:05:18.220 Like I said, my oldest is 10.

00:05:20.140 She'll be 11 this year.

00:05:22.240 Not looking forward to it at all.

00:05:25.040 And then I've got an eight-year-old and an almost two-year-old.

00:05:29.060 Yeah.

00:05:29.600 Crazy. 0.94

00:05:30.500 The youngest. 0.99

00:05:32.020 Rebel.

00:05:32.900 Rebel.

00:05:33.900 So I have a question for you.

00:05:36.640 How, because I always wonder this, like, with, like, people that send their kids to nursery.

00:05:40.780 Do you worry about them having more influence on your children than you will?

00:05:45.240 I do.

00:05:46.060 Yeah.

00:05:46.680 But at the same time, it's like, if I have to sacrifice something to gain something, you know, if they're at home with me, I can't put food on the table as well.

00:05:58.160 You know, I don't want to have to deal with the extra garbage and the stress and all.

00:06:03.180 So I'd rather work, you know, baby, go to nursery.

00:06:05.760 I'll spend time with you when you come back home.

00:06:07.380 If you're tired, it's okay.

00:06:08.660 Weekend, I'll try and make some time for you.

00:06:10.480 And you guys couldn't survive off of one income is what you're saying?

00:06:13.460 No.

00:06:13.560 Okay. 0.76

00:06:13.840 Especially, you know, like, the whole COVID and everything, it was just ridiculous. 0.96

00:06:18.140 And having to move to Birmingham, it's, oh, ridiculous.

00:06:21.380 So what, I think Blessing joined the show because you said something about Zim culture you're not a fan of. 1.00

00:06:27.420 I'm against Zim culture. 1.00

00:06:28.240 So what do you not like about Zim culture? 1.00

00:06:29.880 You're going to have them coming for my neck. 0.99

00:06:33.000 This is about to get heated.

00:06:35.540 Well, did you marry a Zimbabwean?

00:06:37.100 No.

00:06:38.020 I would never date or marry a Zimbabwean, and I've never dated as a Zimbabwean man. 0.61

00:06:42.200 I never will look at one.

00:06:43.840 Why?

00:06:45.520 Yeah, just.

00:06:47.760 Yeah, why?

00:06:48.620 I would just leave it there.

00:06:49.560 Let me not say anything to me.

00:06:50.660 They say, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, right?

00:06:54.380 Is that because of an ex, or?

00:06:56.460 No, it's just, I don't really want to put my past too much into this, but it's just the way I was raised.

00:07:03.060 You know, my father is obviously Zimbabwean, and the things I went through.

00:07:06.220 So you don't marry your dad?

00:07:07.400 To a certain extent.

00:07:09.260 But I love him now.

00:07:11.560 Why now?

00:07:12.240 Because I feel like he's paying for everything he's done to me.

00:07:17.400 Oh, dear.

00:07:18.080 What did he, what did he do?

00:07:22.400 Well, when I was young, well, not too young, when I was like 17 years old, he did throw me out.

00:07:28.620 And that really hurt.

00:07:31.480 He threw me out because of his wife.

00:07:34.740 That's not my mom. 1.00

00:07:35.560 And I was going through so much trauma.

00:07:39.520 I was very suicidal in that time.

00:07:42.680 And I felt like I was shut out.

00:07:46.820 What caused you to get thrown out?

00:07:49.000 Like, was it a fight?

00:07:49.940 It was a petty fight that his partner caused me to get thrown out.

00:07:58.140 And you had no part to play in the fight?

00:07:59.720 I did say something that was wrong.

00:08:03.000 Okay.

00:08:03.600 Now that I look back.

00:08:05.580 Because I was trying to find out about my mom.

00:08:07.760 You know, I used to ask him about my mom, oh, tell me a bit about my mom.

00:08:11.080 And he was just saying, you know, she left you.

00:08:13.840 And that didn't sit right with me.

00:08:16.080 Because the fight with my mom's family was telling me different.

00:08:18.980 You know, so I just wanted to know from him, like, you're my father.

00:08:23.380 Tell me about her.

00:08:25.200 And that day, even though he was so angry at me, I'm not going to explain everything that

00:08:30.700 happened in the moment, but he was so angry to the point where I said, you're trying to

00:08:35.380 kick me out, just like you did to my mom. 0.92

00:08:37.820 And that's what made him really get extremely angry.

00:08:42.780 And I was not wrong.

00:08:44.100 I was right.

00:08:44.720 Yeah, but the way you tell the story, you act like it was all him and nothing.

00:08:49.160 Like, you didn't do anything.

00:08:50.960 And this process, I feel like I blame myself.

00:08:54.080 Like, yeah, you have a part to play.

00:08:55.880 Yeah.

00:08:56.400 Like, everyone does.

00:08:57.160 I should have never said anything to him.

00:09:00.100 But it was time for me to say something.

00:09:02.620 Because that whole, you know, mental abuse from his wife and him, it was, it got too much.

00:09:08.660 What's, like, mental abuse?

00:09:09.940 I'm not going to explain exactly everything, because I don't need to say that, you know.

00:09:14.720 But there's certain things that they have put me through, even from when I was younger.

00:09:20.660 Well, it's just, like, mental abuse.

00:09:21.620 That's, like, a pretty severe accusation.

00:09:23.720 No, it was.

00:09:23.940 It was.

00:09:24.640 It was really bad.

00:09:25.840 But I don't want to state it, because I know if certain people see this, they don't want

00:09:29.420 to like that.

00:09:30.740 So I'll just leave it.

00:09:31.380 And so because he kicked you out at 17 in a fight that you guys, like, both had a part

00:09:37.160 to play in, which you admit now, right?

00:09:38.560 She created it.

00:09:39.980 You said you shouldn't have said anything, right?

00:09:42.320 I shouldn't have said anything to him.

00:09:44.760 I should have just kept it directly to her, because she was the one that had an issue with

00:09:49.120 me the whole time.

00:09:51.680 But because he acted out of anger, based on whatever he told him in that moment, he was

00:09:58.240 angry at me.

00:09:58.820 And I was also angry.

00:09:59.760 I had the right to say whatever I say, you know.

00:10:02.360 I'm only human.

00:10:03.900 You think you have the right to say anything because you're angry?

00:10:06.920 I mean, I didn't swear at him.

00:10:09.380 I was only being right.

00:10:10.300 You know that's disrespectful.

00:10:11.840 My point is.

00:10:12.360 Yeah, but if someone is shoving you out the house and throwing your things out the window,

00:10:16.580 what are you going to do?

00:10:18.140 What are you?

00:10:19.060 Everything.

00:10:19.380 You're not going to stand there.

00:10:20.420 You're not going to stand there.

00:10:21.480 You're not.

00:10:21.980 Everything just kind of came to me like, wow.

00:10:24.600 So the way you threw my mom out is exactly the same way you're doing to me.

00:10:28.680 Wait, did this happen here or in Zimbabwe?

00:10:30.680 In the UK.

00:10:31.340 What, with her?

00:10:33.880 Yeah, with her, yeah.

00:10:34.720 In the UK.

00:10:35.800 But why is it like a Zimbabwe culture's fault if it's just your situation? 1.00

00:10:39.860 Because all the men in my family are trash. 1.00

00:10:46.020 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:46.600 All of them.

00:10:47.100 But I think it's as well that she's been through a lot when it comes to like the men in her family.

00:10:53.200 So it's just made her think that way.

00:10:56.120 No, I mean, I know like great victims that don't view men a certain way.

00:11:01.680 Like you can go through things.

00:11:02.780 Like that's like saying if one guy got cheated on by a woman and saying all women cheat. 0.61

00:11:07.080 So it's like you're throwing out an entire culture.

00:11:09.000 I mean, certain people have come across as well in Zimbabwe and have really tried to torment

00:11:16.920 my life.

00:11:17.940 For me it sounds like, if you're the common denominator, it sounds like a respect issue.

00:11:24.180 Because at 17 I've got siblings in Zimbabwe and I know like a Zimbabwe household is built 0.99

00:11:29.480 on respect, respecting the elders and respecting their parents.

00:11:33.300 Would you say in that situation you were respectful to your parents?

00:11:36.620 How can I not say anything?

00:11:40.040 So you wanted me to keep shutting myself out, keep taking pills to do SA on myself, like

00:11:45.240 literally to commit suicide.

00:11:47.980 You wanted me to carry on doing that instead of me speaking out.

00:11:50.520 That was the first time I've ever spoken out to my dad.

00:11:52.820 Yeah, but what did she do that was like insanely bad?

00:11:55.760 She was angry.

00:11:56.560 She was going through her own personal issues.

00:11:58.380 Obviously she's got whatever she needs to take to help her out with her mental health. 0.98

00:12:02.280 I understand that now.

00:12:04.100 But back then they never told me that.

00:12:05.660 They never told me that she had an issue with her mental health.

00:12:08.460 And that's the reason why she used to treat me really badly. 1.00

00:12:11.320 You know, there's been so many things that's happened between me and her to the point where

00:12:14.680 she even warned me that she wanted to get rid of me. 1.00

00:12:17.640 She told me to my face. 0.88

00:12:18.600 From how old did your dad bring her in?

00:12:23.540 I think from like 15.

00:12:25.160 Was it 15 when I left Slough?

00:12:26.600 Um, no.

00:12:29.160 You're 10.

00:12:30.980 Yeah, 15.

00:12:32.060 Do you not think it's like a teenage kind of like just teenage emotions?

00:12:37.060 Because it sounds to me like you're just lashing out like, you know, my mom and she was just

00:12:40.980 not having that.

00:12:42.220 My mother was dead from when I was 10 years old.

00:12:44.200 So that's got nothing to do with my mother.

00:12:46.520 That's a stepmother. 1.00

00:12:47.360 Yeah, I know it's a stepmother, but when she's coming into a row of like, literally becoming

00:12:52.220 like a mother in the house.

00:12:53.300 And she never treated me like her daughter.

00:12:54.880 She told me, I'm not, you're not my daughter.

00:12:56.860 I never call me mom. 0.99

00:12:59.880 Oh damn. 0.98

00:13:00.300 And I tried to buy her love because I never really had love from any of the women that 0.99

00:13:04.680 were in my father's life.

00:13:06.600 I would do the most.

00:13:07.760 I'll buy gifts.

00:13:08.700 I'll cook this.

00:13:09.640 I'll clean this.

00:13:10.500 Do you know what I mean?

00:13:11.200 What was your relationship with your dad before that?

00:13:13.320 It was amazing.

00:13:14.680 So why didn't you find like, like you could communicate with him?

00:13:18.580 Why didn't you not do that straight away?

00:13:20.480 Because of her.

00:13:21.720 I don't know what happened.

00:13:22.660 But it's like what I hear is I had no part to play in it.

00:13:25.900 And it's sort of like a victim mentality.

00:13:27.760 It's like, they did everything wrong.

00:13:29.280 I did nothing wrong.

00:13:30.660 But that's the part though.

00:13:32.620 They did do wrong to me.

00:13:34.060 They might have done wrong, but I just think in most situations, like you can look back

00:13:37.800 and say I had a part to play.

00:13:39.580 What part did I play when I was younger than them and they're grown adults?

00:13:42.200 I mean, I can, you know, I'll use my song.

00:13:44.880 I know what you're trying to do.

00:13:46.220 You ain't gonna do that to me.

00:13:47.600 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what are you, what are you talking?

00:13:49.160 No, I just noticed.

00:13:49.440 No, I'm saying when I, when I was a kid, like I did things, I absolutely did things that contributed.

00:13:54.480 To say that you have no accountability just because you're underage, like that's silliest

00:13:58.500 thing I've ever heard.

00:13:59.400 I absolutely did things that contributed to fights with my parents.

00:14:02.600 Okay.

00:14:03.220 For example, let's say you come back from college, right?

00:14:06.400 You've had a long day.

00:14:07.820 Oh, taffy cooked this.

00:14:08.780 Okay, fine.

00:14:09.360 I'll cook it.

00:14:10.220 I'll clean this.

00:14:10.940 I'll cook it.

00:14:11.500 I'll clean it.

00:14:11.980 I do what I've done with how she's telling me to do, right?

00:14:14.740 Just one thing I forgot to do.

00:14:17.020 Bear in mind, I've got work to do as well.

00:14:18.440 I've got homework to do.

00:14:19.480 I've done everything she said I need to do.

00:14:21.120 Oh, but you forgot to do this.

00:14:22.300 Yeah, but that's just typical, that's just typical.

00:14:24.320 Yeah, but what she would do, she would not create the issue from that, yeah?

00:14:27.560 She would go to my dad and be like, oh, can you imagine she never did this?

00:14:30.180 And she would purposely mess up the yard, mess up the house and make it seem like I didn't 0.96

00:14:35.560 do anything.

00:14:36.240 That's the, that's what I started thinking like, bro, that's a bit weird.

00:14:39.560 No, that's crazy.

00:14:40.400 That is weird.

00:14:41.020 And the part when she thought I was dressing up in a specific way for my father, because

00:14:46.480 she was saying to me, I was dressing up for my father.

00:14:48.000 That's why I was like, no, there's something wrong with her, but then my dad never told 0.82

00:14:52.120 me like, oh, she's got a mental issue. 0.87

00:14:55.620 But if he did, I probably would have understood like, okay, you know what?

00:14:57.960 Maybe let me be a bit more sensitive.

00:14:59.380 Let me not feel some type of way when she does certain things.

00:15:02.840 But because he never did.

00:15:04.760 And other times she touched me, you know, beating me and all that stuff, police calling

00:15:09.160 and everything, that wouldn't have happened if there was certain things put in place for

00:15:15.100 her not to even react like that towards me, because I don't understand why the anger was

00:15:19.360 so much towards me.

00:15:21.140 Yeah.

00:15:21.280 This story is just, this story just seems very crazy.

00:15:24.480 Like, it's like, so she was messing up the yard and then yelling at you about.

00:15:28.080 It was really like, it was so bad to the point where I started feeling like, you know, when

00:15:31.440 you get to a point where you say, you know what, I'm done.

00:15:33.880 And then you're like taking pills because you're like, I've had enough.

00:15:36.740 And the person is telling you, I'm going to, I'm going to do something to you.

00:15:40.680 Like they're telling you certain things.

00:15:41.560 I'm not going to say what it is, but, and then you're there standing in the church, you're

00:15:45.100 praising God and the person is looking at you, giving you like dirty looks.

00:15:48.240 I didn't feel comfortable anywhere.

00:15:49.860 I went except college, literally at school, literally.

00:15:55.620 So I, bro, I, you know, you know, when you're dead bro over, do you guys have like a meeting

00:16:01.140 like, Oh, I'm going to bring this woman over. 1.00

00:16:03.520 It's going to pretty much become like a mother in the house. 0.80

00:16:05.540 Was there ever like that discussion?

00:16:07.380 Yeah.

00:16:07.520 He told me that he's seen, he's seen someone and everything.

00:16:09.920 And I was really excited.

00:16:10.840 And when she first came, I was so happy.

00:16:12.440 I was like, Oh my God, I finally have a mom now.

00:16:14.860 How did that first like encounter?

00:16:17.060 Like, how was that?

00:16:18.480 For me, I was happy because I felt like I'm going to have a mom.

00:16:21.840 I'm going to have a mom because obviously my mom's sister, obviously I broke up with my 0.51

00:16:25.540 dad, but I was like, okay, at least now I have someone that can go to, you know, because

00:16:29.900 there's certain things that was happening to me when I was growing up, you know, the feminine

00:16:32.900 stuff.

00:16:33.460 I can't talk to my dad about it.

00:16:35.460 So I was happy that she was coming into the picture.

00:16:37.960 You know, I really loved her.

00:16:38.900 And when I found out she had kids and stuff like that, I was like, Oh my God, this is

00:16:41.760 really nice.

00:16:41.960 Did you guys live with the kids as well, her kids?

00:16:43.680 No, her kids aren't back home.

00:16:46.640 All right.

00:16:47.260 So how, how did, how was their reaction like meeting you?

00:16:51.240 At first it was good, but I know when it's, the shift happened when she fell pregnant.

00:16:57.680 Do you not think it's just emotions, female emotions when they're pregnant? 1.00

00:17:01.180 I was, I was too young.

00:17:02.620 I didn't understand.

00:17:03.240 Nobody explained to me.

00:17:04.700 I was not, how was I supposed to know that?

00:17:06.980 Oh, okay.

00:17:07.400 She's acting like this because she's pregnant and she also got a certain issue. 1.00

00:17:10.140 If someone spoke to me and said, okay, she's acting like this and being blamed for my brother,

00:17:16.180 my stepbrothers, you know, how losing my stepbrother is, it's a bit.

00:17:21.440 I just think like, it's just hard for me to believe on the outside looking in that your

00:17:25.140 mom had a problem with you or your stepmom, sorry, sorry, sorry, stepmom, stepmom had a 1.00

00:17:29.080 problem with you.

00:17:29.680 Your dad had a problem with you.

00:17:31.460 And like, my dad never had an issue with me until the end.

00:17:34.160 Yeah, I know.

00:17:34.560 But if he's kicking you out, it just seems like you probably had a part to play.

00:17:37.620 Like, it doesn't seem like you should demonize all Zimbabwe men.

00:17:41.860 Yeah, how is that a cultural problem?

00:17:43.600 That is a cultural problem because that not comes to you.

00:17:46.800 I know a little bit, like a little stepmoms and stepdad's families that get along.

00:17:52.180 My friend is a stepmom and they pretty much get along.

00:17:55.600 So I don't know how it's like a Zim issue because my problem now is like you going with 1.00

00:18:00.180 the narrative like, oh, Zim men are like this, when we are not all like this.

00:18:03.980 And the culture is not like this.

00:18:05.220 The culture is built on family.

00:18:06.380 But what happens in the law is when people go into like the West coming from Zimbabwe.

00:18:10.620 It's built on secrets.

00:18:12.060 No, there's no family.

00:18:13.160 It's all secretive.

00:18:14.060 Everyone keeps everything hidden.

00:18:15.640 No, no.

00:18:15.940 You all try to pretend that everything is perfect.

00:18:18.800 Do you think children are entitled for a parent is able to, do you think a parent should be

00:18:22.600 able to explain themselves to a child?

00:18:24.500 I think so.

00:18:25.200 Yes.

00:18:25.700 No, that's a must.

00:18:26.740 Why?

00:18:27.040 You have to explain yourself.

00:18:28.760 Do not, hmm.

00:18:29.780 Why?

00:18:30.280 Okay, speak.

00:18:31.020 Like, no, I think that's a must because like with my children personally, right?

00:18:36.040 If there's a situation, I will explain to my children, like, this is a situation, like,

00:18:42.500 dude, between this person, that person depends on the situation, of course, because they're

00:18:47.380 still very young.

00:18:48.300 But the children need to be aware.

00:18:50.140 Otherwise, it's going to be like how it was with her where no one told her anything.

00:18:54.060 You're just kept in a room.

00:18:57.120 I think you become westernized.

00:18:59.060 I think you become westernized and you just become entitled to feel like you, that they

00:19:02.840 deserve, you deserve an explanation.

00:19:04.540 Because if a parent is providing, that is their core value.

00:19:07.320 Like, I'm here to provide for you.

00:19:09.280 Anything other than that is just...

00:19:09.740 This is the reason why Zimbabwean culture is, I'm completely, you have to be able to

00:19:14.940 speak to your child.

00:19:16.080 You can't silence your children.

00:19:18.020 You guys do this all the time.

00:19:20.060 Oh, mom, I'm going through this.

00:19:21.860 Shush.

00:19:22.380 Oh, I'm dating this boy.

00:19:23.260 You can't take boys.

00:19:24.180 You can't get... 0.96

00:19:24.720 Yeah, but that's because we live in the West with a bunch of whiners where it's like this 1.00

00:19:29.100 problem, that problem, that problem.

00:19:30.860 They used to live through plagues.

00:19:32.860 Like, they used to live through real problem.

00:19:35.020 Now we have all this trauma, this mental instability.

00:19:38.180 I'm not talking about you personally, but it's like, it's like, and you don't deserve

00:19:42.200 an explanation from your parents for every little thing.

00:19:44.920 I do deserve one.

00:19:45.320 You don't deserve anything.

00:19:46.420 I do. 1.00

00:19:47.140 The world doesn't owe you shit. 0.99

00:19:48.740 The world owes me every single thing. 0.98

00:19:51.040 The world doesn't owe you nothing.

00:19:52.640 Yes, it does.

00:19:53.400 Yes, it does.

00:19:53.920 It owes me.

00:19:54.720 The world owes you nothing.

00:19:56.860 But if you don't explain to your children certain situations, then they can't feel comfortable

00:20:01.260 coming to ask you things.

00:20:02.680 A lot of times you're better for not knowing certain situations.

00:20:05.820 I don't want to know what my parents are fighting about.

00:20:08.460 I don't want to know what my parents' mental health issues are.

00:20:11.280 Like, a lot of times you're better for not knowing things.

00:20:15.500 To be honest, right now, I think you guys are so privileged.

00:20:18.100 Your parents did you a favor by bringing you into this country, right? 0.97

00:20:22.000 Yeah, my mom did. 0.67

00:20:22.800 Thank you, mom.

00:20:23.760 Yeah, but you think your dad did nothing to play in that role?

00:20:25.740 Well, he had to.

00:20:27.320 He had to do it.

00:20:28.440 He owed my mom that, at least.

00:20:30.960 How did he owe you?

00:20:31.620 That's the least he owed my mom that.

00:20:32.780 How did he owe your mom that?

00:20:33.840 He didn't.

00:20:34.200 I'm not going to explain my dad's situation because you guys are trying to make me expose

00:20:37.520 my father.

00:20:37.920 I'm not going to do that.

00:20:38.740 Okay.

00:20:39.080 Do you understand me?

00:20:40.100 But he owed my mom that.

00:20:41.800 He owed my mom that. 1.00

00:20:43.780 But you're coming and saying, oh, Zimbabwean culture is trash. 1.00

00:20:46.220 Yes, they are. 1.00

00:20:46.960 They are.

00:20:47.240 When your parent worked hard in a country that right now is suffering from a law,

00:20:51.480 and bro, they don't really owe you that.

00:20:52.980 As it should.

00:20:53.420 When he had me, I didn't choose for him to have me now.

00:20:56.040 So he has a responsibility.

00:20:57.200 He's obligated to look after me.

00:20:58.380 I'm your child.

00:20:59.220 Yeah, he has a responsibility to look after you.

00:21:00.880 But you don't have a responsibility to go and ask for questions from him.

00:21:03.540 I can ask my father whatever I want, and he should answer me.

00:21:06.300 Just like my sons can ask me questions, and I'll answer them.

00:21:09.120 No, that's a Western mentality.

00:21:10.340 No, it's not a Western mentality.

00:21:11.740 That's the reason why the Zimbabwean culture don't work. 1.00

00:21:14.020 You, like, I was just saying.

00:21:15.500 Okay, how does Zimbabwean culture not work?

00:21:17.340 It doesn't work.

00:21:18.080 Like, I was saying, okay.

00:21:18.860 What outcome?

00:21:20.680 So I'm guessing Zimbabwean is more traditional, right? 0.95

00:21:23.360 Very.

00:21:24.040 Okay.

00:21:24.600 Okay, so it's like the woman submits to her husband, right? 0.95

00:21:28.200 Whether he's cheating on you or not, whether he's abusing you or not, you stay.

00:21:31.600 Women are happier in traditional outcomes. 0.85

00:21:34.820 Every stat will tell you this.

00:21:36.300 Women have more STDs. 1.00

00:21:37.540 They're more likely to be depressed.

00:21:38.840 They're more likely to be on antidepressants.

00:21:40.340 They're more likely to have had an abortion. 1.00

00:21:42.240 In a more 50-50 modern society, in traditional countries, operate in traditional outcomes,

00:21:48.280 the women are happier.

00:21:49.700 They're not happy. 0.99

00:21:50.300 They're miserable. 0.62

00:21:50.840 They're pretending. 0.99

00:21:51.260 No, they're absolutely happier.

00:21:52.560 They're faking it.

00:21:53.460 Trust me.

00:21:54.040 In modern culture, women are in antidepressants. 0.98

00:22:02.380 Women are depressed more than ever in human history.

00:22:05.440 But if it's traditional, right?

00:22:07.000 No matter whatever culture it is, you can't get out.

00:22:11.000 Even if you want to get out, you can't get out because you're going to think,

00:22:14.320 oh, what about my family?

00:22:15.720 What would the culture say?

00:22:16.860 Yeah, and that's better because that was when mothers put their kids before them. 1.00

00:22:21.420 It wasn't a me, me, me culture.

00:22:23.020 It's not about my happiness.

00:22:23.900 It's about your kids.

00:22:24.880 Your kid's more likely to go to prison.

00:22:26.580 They're more likely to be in a mental institution.

00:22:28.360 They're more likely to drop out of school.

00:22:29.640 You're putting your kid at every statistical disadvantage you can possibly put them at by leaving.

00:22:35.620 Every statistical disadvantage.

00:22:37.100 But sometimes it's better.

00:22:38.220 But modern women don't care because they care about their feelings and not the kids. 1.00

00:22:43.480 But sometimes it's better to leave.

00:22:45.060 Who is it better for?

00:22:46.200 You or the kids?

00:22:47.940 It might be better for you.

00:22:49.920 But if you're in a toxic environment, if you're in a toxic relationship.

00:22:53.660 Wrong.

00:22:54.020 If you're in a toxic relationship.

00:22:55.960 It's better to leave for both for your children's sake and for your sake.

00:22:58.900 But why are you arguing?

00:23:00.360 Why is the other person arguing with you?

00:23:03.080 Women, it's your arguing with them. 1.00

00:23:04.700 It's not always us.

00:23:05.920 It's not always us.

00:23:06.940 Let's be realistic.

00:23:08.340 You don't have to argue back.

00:23:10.860 That's a choice.

00:23:11.460 You don't have to argue back.

00:23:12.620 If the husband is abusing you, you have to sit there and take it.

00:23:15.520 Define abuse.

00:23:16.620 Define abuse.

00:23:17.600 Abuse can be mentally, physically, anyway.

00:23:20.180 You need you to define it.

00:23:21.120 Because a lot of times women, we throw around these buzzwords that don't mean anything anymore. 1.00

00:23:25.140 So if the guy is physically assaulting you, right?

00:23:28.520 It's best to stay in that marriage because it's best for your culture.

00:23:31.840 Physical assault is a very minority of cases.

00:23:35.140 It's a minority.

00:23:35.920 So that's the exception.

00:23:36.760 It's not the rule.

00:23:38.280 Please give me another example outside of assault.

00:23:41.940 There's so many.

00:23:43.460 Emotional abuse.

00:23:44.400 Yeah.

00:23:44.680 What is emotional abuse?

00:23:46.520 What is it?

00:23:47.580 Emotional abuse is where they're...

00:23:52.000 Oh, God.

00:23:52.840 Yeah, like they're trying to control you.

00:23:55.460 You can't do this.

00:23:56.480 You can't do that.

00:23:57.500 You can't wear this.

00:23:58.540 You can't wear that.

00:23:59.300 That's my problem right there.

00:24:00.800 You know, when you come from Zim culture, they give you advice. 1.00

00:24:04.660 And you guys think advice is control.

00:24:06.760 They give you...

00:24:07.360 No, no, no.

00:24:08.360 Let me finish my point.

00:24:10.040 Let me finish my point.

00:24:10.720 Let me finish my point.

00:24:11.480 Let me finish my point.

00:24:12.700 Let me finish my point.

00:24:13.320 Guys, guys.

00:24:13.620 If you're going to over-talk my producer, you're going to go.

00:24:15.660 You need to let him speak.

00:24:16.660 I'm saying they come to give you advice.

00:24:18.800 They've been through situations, right?

00:24:20.140 You have pretty much made into the UK.

00:24:22.300 They left a country where the amount of people that are living in the country are like a small minority, right?

00:24:28.280 And it's a blessing to actually be able to leave that country because of the situation that's going on in that country.

00:24:33.300 So they have all this life advice.

00:24:34.980 These are people that used to learn in difficult circumstances, right?

00:24:38.240 Some of them actually in Zim culture went to war as well.

00:24:41.100 So they have all that life experience.

00:24:42.880 They've had all these things that guidance pretty much they want to give for you for your life.

00:24:47.120 But you guys feel like it's control because you want to be so liberal.

00:24:50.140 You don't want to listen to your parents.

00:24:51.740 And that's why I have a disagreement with you guys because you want Western culture because it gives you that liberalism that I can just do whatever I want.

00:24:58.440 By doing whatever you want, you have no responsibility and you have no one to account to.

00:25:02.900 Like right now, you don't want to be accountable to anybody.

00:25:05.400 So your parents can tell you to do something.

00:25:07.100 You feel like they're controlling you.

00:25:09.280 But they can't.

00:25:10.180 We're grown.

00:25:11.760 You were 17 when you left the house.

00:25:13.340 You can advise me.

00:25:14.140 When I left, when I got for an hour.

00:25:15.780 You have to be clear with that.

00:25:17.860 You have to be realistic with that.

00:25:18.860 You can't just be like, oh, when you left.

00:25:20.700 If I picked my, I would have had all my stuff if I wanted to leave.

00:25:23.960 Yeah, if she left, you would have had an option.

00:25:24.380 Where would I be going as well?

00:25:25.840 I was the one sleeping on the bus as they were.

00:25:27.340 But you challenged the authority in the house.

00:25:29.380 If you challenged the authority in the house.

00:25:29.760 But when he marched to me, kicking me out.

00:25:31.840 And I said what I said.

00:25:32.900 I said what I said after when he was throwing my seat out of the house already.

00:25:35.780 You had to have said something to be disrespectful.

00:25:37.240 What did I say?

00:25:37.880 I got kicked off because I didn't move at the house at a certain time because of her.

00:25:42.600 And she's got an issue with me hoovering at a certain time because I got school anyway.

00:25:46.140 She complicated that whole situation for no reason. 0.97

00:25:48.940 She got mad as usual.

00:25:50.260 So you got kicked out because you're not doing your chores.

00:25:52.160 That's what she said, basically.

00:25:54.260 Because I didn't do a chore at a certain time.

00:25:55.920 She would say, okay, in the mornings, you have to do the chore around 8 o'clock before you leave school.

00:25:59.340 If you're in someone's house, you have to listen to their rules.

00:26:02.500 But if the person's changing the times just because they want to get you in trouble,

00:26:06.420 you guys would never understand it because you're not in the situation anyway.

00:26:09.940 So I don't expect you to understand it.

00:26:12.400 And it's fine.

00:26:14.200 But step-parents of, my parents had divorced.

00:26:18.320 My mum and dad had divorced.

00:26:19.940 My culture is Indian.

00:26:22.160 Back from India.

00:26:23.260 Like, my dad is from India.

00:26:24.280 My mum was born here.

00:26:25.180 Whatever, right?

00:26:26.320 But I was, my story is crazy as well, like hers.

00:26:32.080 But that's due to my mum's boyfriend abusing me as well.

00:26:37.300 Right.

00:26:37.460 And that shows why women shouldn't leave because it puts their kid at risk. 1.00

00:26:43.400 But you're proving my point.

00:26:45.160 No, she's not.

00:26:47.360 She's trying to do my thing.

00:26:48.620 I'm not here for it.

00:26:50.160 Are you guys both married?

00:26:51.060 Boyfriend.

00:26:51.840 Are you guys both married?

00:26:52.860 Well, not coming in that.

00:26:54.640 Not coming.

00:26:55.380 Oh, so you guys are not married?

00:26:56.500 Well, maybe.

00:26:57.680 I don't know.

00:26:58.320 I'm not married.

00:27:00.840 So.

00:27:01.320 I don't know about her.

00:27:02.400 It speaks to the fact.

00:27:03.400 Like, step-parents.

00:27:07.520 That's the most likely person to abuse your children, is a guy that you bring into the house.

00:27:11.980 That's the most likely stat.

00:27:14.000 Yeah, like my mum's boyfriend, when she brought him into the house, in the beginning, well, what happened was, obviously, my mum was doing my dad wrong.

00:27:22.080 And I chose to go with my dad because my dad and my mum both asked us, like me and my brother, who we want to go with.

00:27:29.760 I chose to go with my dad.

00:27:31.760 And then I'm the one that took him to my nan's house because he had nowhere to go.

00:27:38.120 And I was like, let's just go to my nan's house because I'm not sleeping on the road.

00:27:41.940 So from there, I was staying with my dad and my dad started acting differently towards me.

00:27:47.080 And I was a kid myself going through my parents being divorced.

00:27:50.760 And he was all about my brother, my brother, my brother.

00:27:53.640 And I'm here trying to go to school and come back and make sure my dad is OK.

00:27:57.600 Right.

00:27:58.300 And then I don't know what happened, like why he chose to abuse me.

00:28:04.380 Well, actually, I do know why.

00:28:05.520 It's because I never asked my mother a question that he wanted me to ask because she kind of.

00:28:11.340 Realized that my dad was telling me what to say.

00:28:14.160 Right.

00:28:14.640 So then my dad assaulted me and I chose to go back to my mother.

00:28:20.640 I went there.

00:28:22.420 Her boyfriend was living.

00:28:23.320 When you say assaulted, he like what?

00:28:24.420 He hit you?

00:28:25.140 Yeah.

00:28:25.880 And then my.

00:28:26.560 Like multiple times or how?

00:28:27.900 Yeah.

00:28:28.040 My grandparents came to stop him.

00:28:30.020 Well, my granddad wasn't home, but my nan and my uncles had to get him off me.

00:28:35.560 So after that, I chose to go back to my mom's.

00:28:39.960 Right.

00:28:40.260 And I'm not going to lie.

00:28:41.540 Like, even though my mom did my dad wrong, I was missing my mother a little bit.

00:28:46.080 I was like, I'm going to put my hand up.

00:28:47.840 I was missing her.

00:28:48.800 So I chose to go back to my mom.

00:28:51.860 And I also thought maybe my dad will start caring more about me like how he did with my brother.

00:28:57.640 Right.

00:28:58.380 Went there.

00:28:59.040 Her boyfriend's moved in.

00:29:00.500 He was nice in the beginning and everything.

00:29:02.760 You know how it be.

00:29:03.480 Because they want to, you know, be like, oh, we care about you.

00:29:07.100 We care about you.

00:29:08.440 Then slowly, slowly, I started to see his true colours.

00:29:11.820 Mm-hmm.

00:29:12.060 And it did not go well.

00:29:15.180 It did not go well.

00:29:16.480 I got kicked out as well.

00:29:18.540 I got kicked out at 16.

00:29:20.800 I didn't want to be thrown out, but I got kicked out because of my mom's boyfriend because she chose to listen to her man.

00:29:28.260 And an incident happened, right?

00:29:31.820 I'm not going to go too much into it, but there was a thing that he wanted to happen through me, right?

00:29:41.200 And my mother was going along with it.

00:29:43.780 I found out and I was in a relationship at the time with my children's father.

00:29:49.920 I was in a relationship with him and then they tried to split us up because obviously her, my mom's boyfriend wanted that thing to happen. 0.57

00:30:00.160 And...

00:30:00.560 Like a sexual thing?

00:30:02.620 No, it wasn't a sexual thing.

00:30:04.200 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was not a sexual thing.

00:30:06.680 I can clear that now.

00:30:07.620 It was not a sexual thing at all.

00:30:09.280 It was just regarding something, which I don't really want to say just in case.

00:30:15.260 And...

00:30:15.620 Illegal?

00:30:16.700 Is it legal?

00:30:17.900 Did they say it was illegal?

00:30:18.700 Yeah, actually, you can say it was illegal because I was only 16, wasn't I?

00:30:22.740 Yeah.

00:30:23.360 So I was 16, so you can class it as illegal, but I'm not going to go too much into what it was.

00:30:28.980 But they tried to split me and my children's father up and because it did not work, I'll come back from school.

00:30:35.700 Oh, so they tried to split you guys.

00:30:37.160 They tried to have you guys break up.

00:30:38.620 Yeah, because so his thing could be successful in what he wanted.

00:30:43.040 So the stepdad could be successful?

00:30:46.300 Yeah, he could be successful.

00:30:47.720 So whatever he planned can happen.

00:30:51.380 But...

00:30:51.900 So he wanted to set you up with someone else?

00:30:55.800 Kind of like that.

00:30:57.600 Oh, I see.

00:30:58.160 Not in this country, not in this country, if that makes sense, from that kind. 1.00

00:31:03.160 So like an arranged type marriage.

00:31:04.820 Don't go into it.

00:31:05.980 But...

00:31:06.240 No, no, I'm not going to go into that.

00:31:08.420 I'm not yet.

00:31:08.960 I'm not going to go into that at all.

00:31:10.820 But basically what happened was...

00:31:12.100 It seems like the theme here is like you guys don't listen to your parents.

00:31:14.600 No, I used to listen.

00:31:16.560 I actually used to...

00:31:18.780 Well, when my...

00:31:21.440 Okay, I'll start from the beginning.

00:31:23.020 When I was growing up, my brother was always the favourite.

00:31:26.200 Right?

00:31:27.400 And...

00:31:27.760 Because he's a boy.

00:31:29.040 Who cares?

00:31:29.960 He was a boy.

00:31:30.600 So he was always the favourite.

00:31:31.960 I always felt left out.

00:31:33.360 So I was always going to my grandparents' house.

00:31:35.240 Yeah, I mean, yeah, they always liked the boys.

00:31:36.400 Exactly.

00:31:36.760 But I'm saying who cares?

00:31:37.900 Exactly.

00:31:38.560 Like, my dad liked my brother.

00:31:40.280 Like, who cares?

00:31:40.820 Yeah.

00:31:41.320 So I was...

00:31:42.000 But it's like this victim, like boo-hoo.

00:31:43.820 It's like whatever.

00:31:44.240 I was like whatever anyways.

00:31:46.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:46.880 It didn't bother me because I was my grandparents' favourite.

00:31:49.320 So I was like, how shame.

00:31:50.980 But...

00:31:51.220 Yeah, you got to go take it where you can get it.

00:31:53.220 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:53.680 Exactly.

00:31:53.860 I was like, I'm getting stuff from them.

00:31:55.520 You can carry on, you know, whatever it is.

00:31:57.760 But fathers always love their sons more.

00:32:00.100 Like, come on.

00:32:00.680 My mum as well.

00:32:01.360 And my mum loves to my brother more as well.

00:32:03.760 But...

00:32:04.160 Your brother sounds like a great guy.

00:32:06.000 No.

00:32:06.120 Maybe he's just a really cool dude.

00:32:07.520 No, no.

00:32:07.880 He's not.

00:32:08.740 Maybe he's just a cool guy.

00:32:10.860 Oh, if he was cool...

00:32:12.200 You know, my brother is my parents' favourite.

00:32:15.020 And I get it.

00:32:15.660 I'm like, he's a cool dude. 0.96

00:32:16.220 No, but the thing is, right, gay. 0.91

00:32:17.120 There's a thing, right? 0.72

00:32:17.920 Like, if your sibling is your parents' favourite, that's fine.

00:32:20.880 I don't have a problem with that.

00:32:23.500 But...

00:32:23.860 My brother's not a cool guy.

00:32:25.600 I'll put my hand up to that.

00:32:26.580 He's not a cool guy.

00:32:27.220 Oh, not a cool guy.

00:32:28.460 No, he's not.

00:32:29.460 If he was, I would say, yeah, my brother's...

00:32:31.360 You know, we've got a tight relationship.

00:32:33.420 I love my brother.

00:32:34.500 He's amazing with my children.

00:32:35.640 I would say that.

00:32:36.460 But he's not.

00:32:37.080 But he's not a cool guy.

00:32:37.980 So he didn't deserve favouritism.

00:32:40.860 I don't care if he did, if he didn't.

00:32:42.640 It doesn't bother me.

00:32:43.660 I've got it for my parents.

00:32:44.340 It just seems like there's a lot of problems here that would go better,

00:32:47.800 like, if we just listened to our parents.

00:32:50.260 So, hold on a second.

00:32:51.540 If I listened to my parents, I'll be dead.

00:32:52.900 Hold on a second.

00:32:53.240 Hold on.

00:32:53.540 I used to listen to my parents, and my mum allowed her boyfriend to assault me.

00:32:58.820 It seems, it also seems like, it also seems like life would be easier if family stayed together.

00:33:03.900 Because your mum's boyfriend wouldn't be in that position.

00:33:06.500 And maybe, I'm not really talking about you personally.

00:33:09.080 Like, I'm just talking about in general.

00:33:10.620 I just think it's better if family stay together.

00:33:13.020 Yeah, if my dad stayed with my mum, it would be better.

00:33:15.480 100%.

00:33:16.040 My dad stayed with my mum, I'm a mum, you know.

00:33:18.280 So, why don't you marry your kid's father? 1.00

00:33:20.880 Well, I did.

00:33:23.060 Oh, okay.

00:33:24.160 Oh, you're married.

00:33:24.720 Maybe not.

00:33:25.440 You're married.

00:33:26.180 You never know.

00:33:27.380 Okay.

00:33:27.900 You never know.

00:33:28.200 Well, I just don't see your ring.

00:33:29.260 Exactly.

00:33:29.720 Tell him about that. 1.00

00:33:30.600 He needs to get that damn ring back. 0.99

00:33:31.720 I'm not married there. 1.00

00:33:32.560 Okay.

00:33:33.040 So, you're not married.

00:33:34.600 You know.

00:33:35.220 I ain't gonna do that.

00:33:35.920 So, it sounds like he's working.

00:33:37.260 It sounds like he's working, right?

00:33:40.020 He's got a job.

00:33:41.040 So, you're attracted to him.

00:33:43.220 You have two kids with him.

00:33:44.280 He's got other two kids.

00:33:45.740 Okay.

00:33:46.220 He's got two other kids.

00:33:47.380 Yeah.

00:33:47.720 Before her.

00:33:48.740 Before her.

00:33:49.800 Okay.

00:33:50.140 Well, you can't really change the past.

00:33:51.840 You already made the new kids with him, right?

00:33:54.320 Yeah.

00:33:54.700 So, why don't you get married? 0.77

00:33:56.360 They need to change certain things first.

00:33:58.680 Yeah.

00:33:59.220 Yeah, but you probably need to change certain things, too.

00:34:01.320 I definitely do.

00:34:02.060 100%.

00:34:02.580 And I have changed certain things.

00:34:03.720 So, I'm just curious.

00:34:04.740 Why don't you guys work on it together?

00:34:06.720 You need to put more effort in.

00:34:07.900 I can't work on it all myself.

00:34:08.960 Well, maybe you need to put more effort in.

00:34:10.620 I ain't going to put no more effort in.

00:34:11.820 She has.

00:34:12.420 But this is the whole coming year?

00:34:14.280 Eight years.

00:34:14.920 Yeah.

00:34:15.260 I can't.

00:34:15.520 But this is the thing.

00:34:16.800 It's like always.

00:34:17.420 It's like kind of an arrogance.

00:34:18.840 Like.

00:34:19.060 Yeah.

00:34:19.560 I am very.

00:34:20.440 Did you get married very young?

00:34:21.540 I can't. 0.93

00:34:21.960 I'm very arrogant.

00:34:23.300 I can't let her.

00:34:23.740 Did you get married very young?

00:34:25.140 No.

00:34:25.780 Not young.

00:34:27.160 Eight years?

00:34:27.740 You said you've been married eight years.

00:34:28.840 We've been married for eight years.

00:34:29.880 We've been together for eight years.

00:34:31.360 Oh, okay.

00:34:31.940 Well.

00:34:33.540 There's no Zimbabwean.

00:34:35.020 He's not Zimbabwean.

00:34:36.260 No.

00:34:36.740 Why?

00:34:36.980 They'd be married by that?

00:34:38.900 They'll be married if it wasn't Zimbabwean. 0.99

00:34:40.060 No. 0.68

00:34:40.400 I would not marry a Zimbabwean. 1.00

00:34:41.520 Sorry.

00:34:41.980 Never.

00:34:43.080 But it sounds like that would be better, right?

00:34:45.220 Nah.

00:34:45.940 Check.

00:34:46.820 Sorry.

00:34:48.660 What's the alternative?

00:34:51.040 You know what I mean?

00:34:51.780 It's like we.

00:34:52.460 It's like you either stay together as a family or you bring random men into your kids' lives.

00:34:57.420 Or they bring random women into my kids' lives. 1.00

00:34:59.620 Correct.

00:34:59.840 In fact, I think both ways, you know?

00:35:02.840 Yeah.

00:35:03.380 So I'm just curious.

00:35:04.220 But the situation is, you know, for someone that is Zimbabweans, I would think that you're married and have a husband that has, you know, kids just with you.

00:35:12.280 But it seems like you just ended up in a situation just like the one before.

00:35:15.720 Like your circumstances, your parents' circumstances just became yours.

00:35:18.560 Exactly.

00:35:19.020 That's the thing.

00:35:19.660 I didn't want that to happen to me.

00:35:22.220 But you know when you feel like you're going, you're repeating the cycle, it's like, whoa, whoa.

00:35:27.260 Yeah, why didn't you break the cycle then?

00:35:28.940 How can I break the cycle?

00:35:30.080 I can't work on it by myself.

00:35:31.600 You can only do so much.

00:35:33.320 You can only do so much.

00:35:34.700 Are you not responsible for your life since you said.

00:35:37.120 I am responsible for my life.

00:35:38.560 And I choose, I can pick and choose what I want to do for my life, right?

00:35:41.640 Yeah, you can choose to break the cycle.

00:35:43.340 Yeah, and I can, I can choose to make sure that my children don't go through certain things, right?

00:35:47.680 So that's what I'm going to do.

00:35:49.160 If I feel like certain things that some person is doing repeatedly.

00:35:52.220 You're going to not put your kids through certain things by putting them at every single statistical disadvantage you possibly could.

00:35:57.660 I would rather they have a better future.

00:36:01.640 But now they're more like.

00:36:02.900 I agree.

00:36:04.660 They're more likely to go to prison.

00:36:06.520 They're more likely to be in a mental institution.

00:36:08.000 I doubt that.

00:36:08.600 Of course I'm not.

00:36:09.920 This is the thing.

00:36:10.600 I've done hundreds of these shows.

00:36:12.600 Like hundreds.

00:36:13.060 Like I've literally interviewed hundreds of women. 0.95

00:36:14.600 Every woman thinks their kid's the exception. 1.00

00:36:16.580 But every adult you talk to will talk about how much it hurt that their parents weren't together.

00:36:20.800 Of course it's going to hurt.

00:36:21.800 They will.

00:36:22.660 Right.

00:36:23.140 But that's what I'm saying.

00:36:23.980 Like it's not about you guys anymore.

00:36:25.600 And I'm not really even talking about you personally.

00:36:27.360 I don't know you guys' situations.

00:36:28.840 But like the whole point is you're dissing a culture that talks about keeping families together.

00:36:33.700 They don't keep families together. 0.99

00:36:34.860 They be, you be out here, auntie is fucking that uncle. 1.00

00:36:37.280 Yes. 1.00

00:36:37.480 Sleeping with that uncle.

00:36:38.200 Different uncles.

00:36:38.760 No, they do keep people together.

00:36:40.000 They sleep with different uncles but they all come together and say hi, praise the Lord.

00:36:42.960 Hi, family.

00:36:43.580 Yeah, because they understand that.

00:36:45.200 They are high stuff.

00:36:45.320 They understand that personal life is personal life but family life is more important than

00:36:50.440 Yeah, but I think people need to be realistic and be like.

00:36:53.100 No, it's not about being realistic.

00:36:54.320 It has to be realistic.

00:36:54.820 It's about being practical for your family.

00:36:57.060 If you stay with your wife, you stay with your partner, your kids have a better chance 1.00

00:37:00.860 in life.

00:37:01.120 Okay, let me ask you a question.

00:37:02.280 Yeah, let's go.

00:37:02.680 If you had a daughter right now and she got married to Zimbabwe man and he is cheating

00:37:08.460 on another next woman, would you ask her to stay? 0.99

00:37:10.840 If she's married, yeah.

00:37:12.460 You would ask your daughter?

00:37:13.660 If she's married, yes.

00:37:15.540 But why?

00:37:16.480 Okay, let's say he's abusing her physically. 0.67

00:37:18.380 Would you ask her to stay?

00:37:19.460 No, that's abuse physically.

00:37:20.820 She should go to the police and get that man arrested.

00:37:22.900 You wouldn't do nothing about it?

00:37:24.260 No.

00:37:24.400 She'll go to the police and get out. 1.00

00:37:27.160 No, no.

00:37:28.580 She'll go to the police and get out. 1.00

00:37:31.120 But why would you tell us that they protect their family, that you wouldn't sit back and

00:37:35.940 take that?

00:37:36.660 You know, I'll protect my family, yeah.

00:37:37.720 My father protects me, I can't lie.

00:37:39.020 I'll protect my family, yeah, but if it's just cheating without physical abuse, she made 0.99

00:37:44.800 that choice to be with that person.

00:37:46.360 If they committed those vows in front of God as a Christian, I believe, then you should

00:37:50.960 stay and work it out.

00:37:52.060 She'll come to my house, we'll do counselling between you two and we'll work it out.

00:37:56.340 But what if he doesn't change?

00:37:57.980 Well, she made that choice to be with that person.

00:38:01.960 As long as he doesn't leave, it should stay.

00:38:04.000 Modern women pick guys that cheat. 1.00

00:38:08.560 They pick guys that everybody knows cheats.

00:38:10.480 They pick guys with kids with other women, and then they're surprised when he cheats.

00:38:14.460 What did you think was going to happen?

00:38:16.140 Every man cheats.

00:38:16.800 Modern, okay.

00:38:17.720 Every man.

00:38:18.600 No, it's the men you pick.

00:38:20.020 No, it's all the men.

00:38:20.960 No, it's the men you pick.

00:38:22.300 Not all men cheat.

00:38:24.000 It's like, why are the men that cheat picking you?

00:38:27.800 I don't know.

00:38:30.780 So, it says more about you than it does about them.

00:38:33.620 Because there's a lot of guys that don't cheat.

00:38:35.200 There's a lot of guys that are loyal.

00:38:36.620 If they're not picking you, then you have to ask why.

00:38:38.740 Oh, and then let's not forget, they don't pick us.

00:38:41.940 We've got a selection, we've got an option, plenty on the table.

00:38:44.940 And we pick what we've won.

00:38:46.560 So, you...

00:38:47.140 Yes, we have the one pick in.

00:38:48.240 Okay.

00:38:48.260 If you say that, so you came from a step-parent household, and you made the choice to put

00:38:54.460 your kids into a step-parent household.

00:38:57.080 Where's a step-parent?

00:38:58.260 You.

00:38:59.080 You say your partner has two other kids.

00:39:01.220 Yeah, but I chose to accept them because I was...

00:39:04.360 I went through certain things when I was younger.

00:39:06.180 But you're pretty much putting yourself in the same situation.

00:39:08.600 You made that choice.

00:39:09.700 I would imagine you coming from a choice where it didn't work out between a step-parent,

00:39:14.080 and you wouldn't want that for your children.

00:39:15.340 But you made the choice to go into that same situation.

00:39:18.420 And you didn't even marry.

00:39:19.580 There's no commitment.

00:39:20.740 I mean, in a way...

00:39:21.820 I feel like there's nothing wrong with accepting someone else's kids.

00:39:25.380 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:39:26.280 There's nothing wrong, I agree.

00:39:27.520 I know there's nothing wrong with that, but for you, for your situation, just looking at

00:39:32.600 where you're coming from, why would you make that choice?

00:39:35.700 Because my step-mom didn't love me, so I'm going to show love to another child.

00:39:40.220 And I love them extremely.

00:39:42.680 But what if your partner...

00:39:43.300 But if it doesn't work out, then you leave.

00:39:45.060 Yeah, then you leave, yeah.

00:39:45.940 It doesn't matter, but I'll still have them in my life.

00:39:47.760 No matter what, I'll always make sure they're okay.

00:39:49.500 You know it's not the same.

00:39:50.800 No, it is literally the same.

00:39:54.060 No, it's not the same.

00:39:54.880 I've been in those kids' lives.

00:39:55.720 So you're telling me if you guys break up and he picks someone new, that you're going

00:39:59.940 to have the same relationship with the...

00:40:01.820 Yeah, they're still my children's brother and sisters.

00:40:05.180 Do you get what I mean?

00:40:05.700 So they're still that bond.

00:40:06.740 No matter what, I will always love those kids.

00:40:09.260 Yeah, but his point is that you see the problems that came with that situation and you still

00:40:13.080 picked it.

00:40:13.680 So a lot of times, as women, we complain about situations that we picked.

00:40:17.280 And then we get, what, surprised that we're in the same situation that we picked.

00:40:23.400 It's like a guy will cheat on us when we're dating, then we'll have a kid and then whine 0.51

00:40:27.140 about cheating.

00:40:27.900 Well, then why'd you have a kid?

00:40:30.000 So do you expect us to get rid of the child?

00:40:31.680 I'm not talking about you guys.

00:40:33.400 I'm saying women in general will pick men that cheat.

00:40:36.580 They'll know that they cheat.

00:40:38.780 So oftentimes they'll get cheated on when they're dating.

00:40:41.600 And then they have a kid together and then whine about the cheating.

00:40:44.300 But he cheated before.

00:40:45.400 So why is it now a problem after you have children?

00:40:47.680 So is that when you know the man cheats or when you don't know the man cheats and you find out?

00:40:51.600 No, you say when the man does cheat.

00:40:52.520 Or when the man does cheat.

00:40:53.380 I'm saying like women will go after entertainers. 1.00

00:40:55.680 They'll go after rappers, athletes, and then get...

00:40:58.020 I'm not talking about you, but they'll get shocked that he cheats.

00:41:00.940 But it's like you went for that type of guy.

00:41:03.740 They'll go for the best-looking guy and then get surprised when he cheats.

00:41:07.480 But even the best-looking guys, even if you don't get with them, they can still cheat.

00:41:12.220 Yeah, they're trying to...

00:41:13.060 You get with them and they cheat.

00:41:14.280 They think.

00:41:15.040 Most women, let's be real. 1.00

00:41:16.000 One out of three men are sexless.

00:41:17.860 So one out of three men are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year.

00:41:20.900 You find only 20% of men you guys find attractive. 0.93

00:41:24.600 80% of men you find ugly.

00:41:26.660 So if women pick cheaters, it's because they go for a guy that's out of their league. 1.00

00:41:31.580 Because women that are 4s, 5s, and 6s sleep with 8, 9s, and 10s, maybe get a kid off of him, 1.00

00:41:37.060 and then he cheats because they're not on the same level.

00:41:40.100 Oh, no.

00:41:40.880 I'm not talking about you.

00:41:42.240 Oh, God.

00:41:44.420 Let me know. 0.99

00:41:45.080 I'm not talking about you guys, but I'm saying, like, women find 80% of men is ugly. 0.96

00:41:52.400 Most men aren't getting laid like that. 0.98

00:41:54.040 So if you're getting cheaters, it's because you pick cheaters.

00:41:57.040 I agree.

00:41:57.980 I do.

00:41:58.480 That's my weakness.

00:42:01.560 As you...

00:42:02.280 It's a little adventurous.

00:42:04.800 I can't lie.

00:42:07.880 So how is that like a Zimbabwe encounter?

00:42:10.080 That's got nothing to do to Zimbabwe.

00:42:11.220 Oh, God.

00:42:11.580 Here we go.

00:42:11.940 That's why she's asking me and I'm answering directly.

00:42:13.980 Me, I'm just no for the idea of Zimbabwe. 0.97

00:42:15.000 Zimbabwe men, they cheat. 1.00

00:42:16.160 They drink too much. 0.99

00:42:17.320 They don't know how to hold the job down.

00:42:19.100 They don't cheat.

00:42:19.480 They have that woman anti-anti-anti-dislipping with everybody. 1.00

00:42:21.540 They don't cheat.

00:42:22.120 You're generalizing the whole nation.

00:42:23.580 Once they work on how to...

00:42:26.660 How much time have you spent in Zimbabwe?

00:42:30.820 Like 10 years.

00:42:33.340 Okay, you spent 10 years there.

00:42:34.940 Yeah.

00:42:35.740 You came when you were 10 here.

00:42:36.800 Yeah, that's good enough.

00:42:38.500 And you knew a lot about like cheating under the age of 10?

00:42:41.060 Yeah, I saw quite a lot that I would not even bring up.

00:42:45.520 No, stop.

00:42:46.680 Sharon, I won't even bring it up because I'm going to get done for that.

00:42:50.240 No, we don't want you getting cancelled.

00:42:51.280 I'm not bringing no gossip over here.

00:42:54.320 No, let me not do that.

00:42:56.440 But yeah, even when I went back, like I was asking my grandma about certain things like

00:43:01.220 relationships and that and, you know, because I was preparing myself for marriage, for the

00:43:04.760 traditional marriage and stuff.

00:43:06.500 And I was like, okay, grandma, like, you know, if your man is cheating on you, what should

00:43:11.240 you do?

00:43:12.160 Hey, you have to stay.

00:43:13.800 Wow.

00:43:14.500 If the man is beating you, you have to stay.

00:43:17.440 I was like, oh, wow.

00:43:19.120 And you know, they all gather like in a group and they're telling you, oh, you know, you

00:43:23.260 should do this for your man.

00:43:24.180 You should do this.

00:43:24.560 I was like, okay.

00:43:25.100 So what did the man do for me?

00:43:26.560 They have nothing to say.

00:43:28.500 The man provides for you.

00:43:30.640 He protects and provides.

00:43:31.880 What is it protecting?

00:43:33.520 If someone breaks into your house.

00:43:34.940 If someone's breaking the house.

00:43:36.100 Am I not the one that's going to go outside to beat the person because the man is not

00:43:39.240 home because he's out here cheating and drinking?

00:43:41.580 True.

00:43:42.140 He ain't home.

00:43:42.900 You're saying all the Zim men are cheating and drinking. 1.00

00:43:46.380 Most of these men.

00:43:47.980 If you don't know about Zimbabweans yet.

00:43:50.140 I do.

00:43:51.140 What are you talking about?

00:43:52.200 We have that.

00:43:53.780 You know we got that stigma.

00:43:54.560 I know.

00:43:54.740 My old, my old, I've had multiple people work for me that are from Zimbabwe.

00:44:00.100 There's a stigma.

00:44:01.760 None of them were alcoholics.

00:44:02.800 No.

00:44:03.320 What's happening right now is that the girls are spreading, the loudest girls are spreading 1.00

00:44:08.320 this false narrative and saying that Zimbabwean men are cheating.

00:44:11.360 You just went home to your elders, right?

00:44:13.960 And what did they tell you?

00:44:15.000 If something happens, you stay.

00:44:16.420 You chose not to listen to the advice of your elders.

00:44:18.660 So who do you go for for counsel in your life?

00:44:20.680 I've got nobody that I go to counsel for in my life.

00:44:22.700 I don't think that's, anyone who lives on earth needs someone to go for for guidance.

00:44:27.540 If you're just living your life like this, then, you know, your actions do reflect. 0.99

00:44:31.340 I don't think we can trust your opinion that all Zimbabwean men are trash. 0.99

00:44:34.380 Well, you can ask other women that are not Zimbabweans. 0.99

00:44:37.540 Because I'm sure there's other cultures that, I mean, there's other. 0.99

00:44:41.440 And they'll say there's a book where men are trash. 1.00

00:44:43.000 But it's crazy because. 0.99

00:44:43.960 Yeah.

00:44:44.320 Yeah.

00:44:44.880 Yeah.

00:44:45.880 You guys demonize traditional cultures.

00:44:48.600 When traditional cultures have better outcomes, they have more children, they have happier women, 0.98

00:44:52.260 they have less STDs, they have less abortions.

00:44:54.160 Like every statistical outcome that you can look at is better from traditional relationships.

00:44:59.780 I agree on the abortion part. 0.89

00:45:01.240 Yeah.

00:45:01.620 That one, that's the one I agree with.

00:45:03.140 There's less abortions. 0.67

00:45:04.260 Absolutely.

00:45:04.500 But the woman is suffering in silence.

00:45:06.140 But why, but that's, that's not true.

00:45:10.000 No, I'm not saying all.

00:45:11.600 I'm saying like, there are some, like, you know, there are some that do suffer.

00:45:15.900 Yeah.

00:45:16.420 And there's some that, you know, the relationships, like, the women in the West are on antidepressants. 0.98

00:45:21.660 They're fat.

00:45:22.620 The average woman's like 165 pounds, 170 pounds. 1.00

00:45:26.500 That's fat.

00:45:28.380 Whoa, I'm not part of this conversation. 0.89

00:45:31.000 It's overweight.

00:45:31.920 I ain't getting dragged for this. 1.00

00:45:34.240 A lot of Zimbabwean women are fat. 1.00

00:45:36.780 Well, I was going to say something that was going to be really, let me not even say anything. 0.99

00:45:39.880 Look at that.

00:45:40.260 I don't want to go on.

00:45:40.680 Say what you want to say.

00:45:41.680 No, no, no.

00:45:42.140 Stand on it.

00:45:43.600 You can't say that.

00:45:44.360 You have to, you know why you have to be respectful.

00:45:46.080 Because let's look at our family.

00:45:48.440 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:49.040 But by law, Zimbabwean women are fat. 1.00

00:45:51.100 By law. 0.99

00:45:51.860 And they celebrate that.

00:45:53.240 The fatness.

00:45:53.980 By law.

00:45:54.380 Since when?

00:45:55.400 Zimbabwe.

00:45:55.880 I don't know about this culture.

00:45:56.980 I don't know about this practice.

00:45:58.040 If Zimbabwe men are cheating, who are they cheating with? 0.82

00:46:02.600 The skinny women. 0.99

00:46:04.780 Okay, so it's the women. 1.00

00:46:06.700 The skinny women. 0.99

00:46:07.620 Right?

00:46:08.040 It's the women. 1.00

00:46:08.600 They're cheating with the men, right? 1.00

00:46:10.040 Why is it the men?

00:46:10.780 Why is it not the women? 1.00

00:46:13.300 You'd be surprised.

00:46:15.140 They have to be able to cheat with somebody.

00:46:17.880 So why do you blame the men?

00:46:19.480 I blame the men because of how I was raised, like I said in the beginning.

00:46:21.980 You know, the way I think of Zimbabwean men is directly reflected on how Zimbabwean men

00:46:27.940 in my life have treated me and people around me, my other family members.

00:46:33.060 That's basically it.

00:46:36.540 Nah, I'm not going to run with that one still.

00:46:38.380 Then you have to show me different.

00:46:39.520 Show me different.

00:46:40.040 Show me something else.

00:46:41.280 Show me something else.

00:46:42.220 Prove to me that you are not like them.

00:46:44.020 I am not like them.

00:46:44.760 I bet you right now.

00:46:45.380 I am a Zimbabwean man.

00:46:46.420 If me and you are communicating, before I do that, I'm already showing the proof like,

00:46:50.220 all right, that's, yeah, I see, yeah, there he is.

00:46:53.480 No, what proof though?

00:46:54.660 Like, I am a Zimbabwean man and I do not cheat.

00:46:57.580 My family doesn't love Zimbabwean men. 0.95

00:46:59.760 Should I give a good example?

00:47:01.420 Sorry to cut it off, yeah?

00:47:02.260 Go on.

00:47:03.120 You, the way you've been disagreeing with everything I've said, that's a Zimbabwean 1.00

00:47:06.860 man for you.

00:47:07.600 He is as a Zimbabwean man.

00:47:07.980 They will never understand from another person's point of view.

00:47:10.600 No, it's not a point of view.

00:47:11.940 It's not a point of view.

00:47:12.840 Because if you're saying something that I disagree with, then as a man, actually, as

00:47:18.220 a Zimbabwean man, actually, we don't take women's thoughts very seriously.

00:47:22.800 Wow.

00:47:23.340 He sounds like my uncle.

00:47:24.520 Wow.

00:47:25.880 Yeah, because you guys act out of emotion a lot of the time and a lot of you now are

00:47:29.580 westernized.

00:47:30.460 That's why a lot of Zimbabwean men are not even marrying Zimbabwean women anymore.

00:47:34.160 But we're talking about the women that are back home. 1.00

00:47:36.360 25% of men cheat in your age group.

00:47:40.420 Under 30 men cheat approximately 10% of the time and their girls cheat more at approximately

00:47:45.400 15%.

00:47:46.400 Half of male cheaters only cheat once.

00:47:52.040 Do girls cheat? 1.00

00:47:53.900 Girls cheat. 1.00

00:47:54.540 Girls cheat. 1.00

00:47:55.180 Girls cheat. 1.00

00:47:55.500 They cheat.

00:47:56.200 Girls cheat. 1.00

00:47:56.700 Girls cheat more than men these days. 1.00

00:48:00.800 They're doing studies and women cheat more. 1.00

00:48:04.260 I'd argue if you include...

00:48:05.420 No, I agree.

00:48:06.220 Girls do cheat. 1.00

00:48:07.340 Right, but I just don't understand why you have this, like, hatred towards men.

00:48:11.500 But I've told you why.

00:48:12.620 No dogs.

00:48:13.260 I have gone through certain things.

00:48:14.740 But you said you had issues with your stepmom, too.

00:48:16.840 Yeah, but I've gone through certain things. 0.99

00:48:19.320 But, like, there's shitty men. 1.00

00:48:20.620 There's shitty women. 1.00

00:48:21.380 Why do only men get the brunt of it? 0.99

00:48:23.620 Because I've never been with a woman, so I'm going to talk from race on a man.

00:48:30.080 Sorry.

00:48:31.140 But I just...

00:48:32.200 I don't understand why there's, like, this open misandry in society.

00:48:35.420 Like, if men spoke the way that women speak about men, like, it would not be accepted. 1.00

00:48:39.760 You hear women say that men are trash, but you never hear that women are trash. 0.99

00:48:45.460 Even though we are by stats. 1.00

00:48:47.520 If you look at the numbers, 90% of us are on birth control.

00:48:50.980 One out of three of us has had an abortion.

00:48:53.040 The average...

00:48:53.340 Women have slept on average with over, like, between five to eight, and some studies will 0.97

00:48:58.060 say between 10 to 15 people, which is a fuckton in all of history. 0.94

00:49:01.900 Only 5% of women are virgins on their wedding days. 0.51

00:49:04.420 When you look at the things that men look for, which is purity in youth, the average age of

00:49:07.980 first marriage is 31.

00:49:09.120 We have women coming into marriages with children from other men, which throughout all of history

00:49:13.440 was haram.

00:49:14.380 No, no is bad.

00:49:15.320 And so, women are of lower quality than ever before, and yet they have the most to complain 1.00

00:49:20.200 about.

00:49:21.040 But men don't have... 1.00

00:49:22.000 Not every man has got that quality, too. 0.66

00:49:23.700 There's some bummy men out there.

00:49:25.100 You're right. 0.86

00:49:25.740 There are bummy men.

00:49:26.840 But the difference is the bummy men aren't delusional. 0.92

00:49:29.760 You don't see the bummy men requiring a lot from women. 0.68

00:49:33.340 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:49:34.160 The only bummy men that do are very good looking, and it's because women sleep with 1.00

00:49:39.000 them. 0.98

00:49:39.200 Men cannot live in delusion because they will not get women. 1.00

00:49:43.020 If a man has nothing, nobody's going to sleep with him.

00:49:46.280 One out of three men are not sleeping with anybody.

00:49:50.800 And if the women are... 1.00

00:49:53.820 And if the men are shitty, it's... 1.00

00:49:55.600 Do you guys agree with the phrase, men will do anything for sex? 1.00

00:49:58.480 Yes or no?

00:49:59.300 Yes.

00:50:00.160 No?

00:50:00.660 Okay, yes.

00:50:01.220 I think that's true, that men will do anything for sex.

00:50:04.240 They will.

00:50:04.680 And so...

00:50:05.580 No, it's blame to me. 1.00

00:50:07.100 If men are acting a certain way, it's because women are rewarding the shitty men with sex. 1.00

00:50:12.620 How can you blame the behavior of the men when you're sleeping with the cheating men, when 1.00

00:50:17.700 most men don't cheat?

00:50:19.920 We're having children with men that cheat.

00:50:22.320 And then we'll complain about the cheaters.

00:50:23.760 But what if you don't know that they're cheating?

00:50:25.960 Yeah, let's...

00:50:26.480 You know.

00:50:27.120 What if you don't?

00:50:27.800 Okay, okay.

00:50:28.260 What if you don't?

00:50:28.940 Okay, but let me...

00:50:30.060 Okay, I'll ask you.

00:50:31.220 Let's get this, but did you...

00:50:32.060 Let's be real.

00:50:32.680 Let's be real.

00:50:33.780 Did you ask your parents?

00:50:35.880 Because parents have more wisdom than you.

00:50:38.060 They know more than you.

00:50:39.700 And they...

00:50:40.060 And I'm sorry, but usually...

00:50:41.160 I didn't talk to my parents.

00:50:42.300 Usually, usually, what happens is women will bring... 1.00

00:50:46.000 Show the...

00:50:46.460 Like, show the guy to their parents.

00:50:48.300 That cheats.

00:50:49.000 They'll later will be a cheater.

00:50:50.480 The parents both say, no, not a good guy.

00:50:52.380 Not a good guy.

00:50:53.020 The women don't listen. 1.00

00:50:54.620 Yeah, you know that's true.

00:50:56.100 No!

00:50:56.380 They don't listen.

00:50:57.160 They might go and make a child with him and then want to cry later and say, oh, I don't...

00:51:03.480 How did I not know?

00:51:04.420 When it's like, okay, he warned you.

00:51:06.520 She warned you.

00:51:07.240 You didn't listen.

00:51:08.040 Then you made a kid with him.

00:51:09.280 And now you have a big mess that you chose.

00:51:13.220 But you can't call the children mess anyway.

00:51:15.220 But like, I wanted to say...

00:51:16.080 I'm not talking about the kids.

00:51:17.400 I'm talking about the situation.

00:51:19.420 I wanted to say, yeah.

00:51:20.500 You know when you mentioned about...

00:51:22.840 Oh my God, I forgot now.

00:51:24.500 Can you repeat what you said again, please?

00:51:26.340 Because there's a certain part that she said and I wanted to say something about it.

00:51:31.320 Yeah, go ahead.

00:51:32.400 Can you repeat what you said, please?

00:51:33.280 The cheating part?

00:51:34.220 I said...

00:51:35.140 Let me find this.

00:51:36.780 It was...

00:51:38.020 No, it was a parent thing when you ask for advice from your parents, this and that,

00:51:42.640 and you don't listen and all that.

00:51:44.260 What's hard about listening to your parents in a situation like that where if they say

00:51:49.820 yes or no to your partner, it's because you look at their life.

00:51:53.300 More time, I look at someone's life before I do what they say.

00:51:57.260 So if you're telling me, oh, don't be with that person, but you have been in different

00:52:01.420 marriages, you've broken up with them, you've broken up with them, I'm not going to take 0.96

00:52:04.100 it seriously.

00:52:04.720 I'm going to try and gumball it.

00:52:06.100 Don't they know what not to pick?

00:52:08.360 No.

00:52:09.000 How can they know what to pick if they can't pick and they'll always be in a relationship?

00:52:13.800 But they would know what not to pick, right?

00:52:16.000 Based on experiences.

00:52:16.720 Wouldn't you now know what not to pick for...

00:52:19.640 I don't know if you have a daughter or a son, but now that you figured out what didn't

00:52:23.480 work, couldn't you say to your daughter, that doesn't work?

00:52:25.860 Absolutely, I would.

00:52:26.520 But this is the problem is you guys think you're smarter than your parents.

00:52:29.780 I don't think I'm smarter than your parents.

00:52:30.900 I didn't say that.

00:52:32.320 But in certain things...

00:52:33.360 Women do when they don't listen to them. 1.00

00:52:35.800 In certain areas.

00:52:36.800 Because you seem to say...

00:52:38.580 You said you didn't listen to your parents.

00:52:41.200 When did we say that?

00:52:42.280 I did.

00:52:42.920 You mean in terms of their relationship?

00:52:44.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:45.220 And so you think...

00:52:45.760 I can't lie.

00:52:46.260 Yeah, so you think you're smarter than your parents.

00:52:48.780 I didn't think I was smart.

00:52:49.520 No, no, no, no.

00:52:50.520 But there's some things, right?

00:52:53.180 Not saying that I'm smarter than my mom or my dad.

00:52:55.400 I'm not saying that.

00:52:56.160 But maybe she'll just give me a mouth shut. 1.00

00:52:59.140 Yeah. 0.73

00:53:00.380 Next!

00:53:02.300 Wait, so you...

00:53:03.580 It sounds like you have a lot of admiration for your dad.

00:53:06.720 Me?

00:53:07.180 Now.

00:53:07.960 Like, I can't lie to you now.

00:53:09.680 My dad has shown me a different side that I really appreciate.

00:53:14.100 You know, after the things we've gone through,

00:53:16.820 I, as a child, I went back to him and I said,

00:53:20.160 you know, Dad, I know we went through a lot of mess.

00:53:23.960 I'm pregnant.

00:53:25.120 I'm sorry.

00:53:25.660 I'm sorry, you know, and he took me back and everything.

00:53:28.260 And since then, he's really, like, shown me so much love.

00:53:31.120 So if your dad who kicked you out, out of anger,

00:53:34.080 you probably said something mad that day for him to do that.

00:53:37.280 Did you try to go back and apologise after he kicked you out?

00:53:40.460 I never went back because he didn't want me back.

00:53:42.500 He told me not to come back.

00:53:43.800 So now...

00:53:44.380 If you said it out of anger, you probably didn't mean it.

00:53:45.660 My father has never reacted like that to me before.

00:53:48.240 So now imagine you're in a space where you're thinking,

00:53:50.220 you're confused and thinking,

00:53:51.120 oh my God, like, what just happened to me?

00:53:53.080 I'm going to college now because I was the last year of my college.

00:53:55.660 I'm asking my friends, I'm telling you, I'm like, bro, I don't know where to go.

00:53:58.600 But you didn't go back and apologise?

00:54:00.440 I didn't go back on the same day.

00:54:01.800 I did not go back.

00:54:03.120 But you never apologise?

00:54:05.820 I apologise, I mean, after how many years?

00:54:08.400 Okay, so you...

00:54:09.060 If you had gone back and apologised, literally the next day he would have taken you in.

00:54:12.820 No.

00:54:13.440 I believe so.

00:54:14.200 No.

00:54:14.460 If he came and took you in and said, I forgive you when you were pregnant... 1.00

00:54:18.380 No, when I felt pregnant, that's different now.

00:54:21.360 And then you came and he still said, now it's all good when you were pregnant. 0.90

00:54:25.520 That was a year later, after apparently they're happy that I was not dead.

00:54:30.240 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:54:31.440 Apparently, emotion is to take care of you.

00:54:34.200 And they'll love you even if you feel like they don't like you or they feel like some type of way.

00:54:39.300 And I'm pretty sure that scenario as well, because I've had instances in my family as well,

00:54:43.440 where you can get mad and you apparently be like, get out of here, you know what I mean?

00:54:47.500 But you come back the next day and it's all good.

00:54:50.040 But in that instance, they don't want to see you because you'll probably say something mad to them.

00:54:53.740 Yeah, but now, imagine in a situation where your father's never acted like that before.

00:54:57.900 I didn't know what to do.

00:54:59.160 Yeah, but...

00:54:59.820 I was scared.

00:55:00.700 I was thinking, bro, if I go back, like...

00:55:03.700 You don't know how they're going to react.

00:55:04.340 I don't know how...

00:55:05.180 Yeah, because I know my dad.

00:55:08.040 Yeah, so I was like, no, I need to find whatever else I was going to sleep, I was going to sleep there.

00:55:14.800 And he just came in two years and years and years, right?

00:55:17.120 And he never even contacted me.

00:55:18.520 He never tried to look for me.

00:55:20.140 And I was trying to come back...

00:55:21.180 Do you take responsibility, though, for...

00:55:21.980 Yeah, I do take responsibility to a certain extent of the things.

00:55:24.320 Obviously, like, you know, if I went back, I don't know how that would have ended.

00:55:28.380 I can't lie to you.

00:55:29.280 And I did not want to find out.

00:55:30.920 Is your dad a cheater?

00:55:32.720 I don't know.

00:55:34.140 So why are you so adamant to say that Zimbabwe men are cheaters?

00:55:37.020 Because of my friends.

00:55:38.440 I've got so many Zimbabwe men friends.

00:55:39.940 I've got family members.

00:55:41.120 Family members are being cheated on.

00:55:43.200 Are any of your friends married?

00:55:44.760 Yeah.

00:55:45.500 To Zimbabwe men?

00:55:46.300 Yeah.

00:55:47.040 And they say that Zimbabwe men are cheating?

00:55:48.880 Yeah, and they're cheating as well.

00:55:51.080 And they end the marriage?

00:55:51.980 Yeah.

00:55:52.500 They're doing the marriage happy.

00:55:53.800 So they're both cheating.

00:55:54.700 Like, there's nothing happening.

00:55:55.560 Wait, wait, wait.

00:55:56.240 So they're both cheating?

00:55:57.440 They're both cheating and they're happy.

00:55:58.980 So how are you going to blame the men if the women are cheating too?

00:56:01.480 The man was cheating first.

00:56:02.820 So?

00:56:03.400 That's what...

00:56:04.040 Everyone who cheats is always going to blame the next person.

00:56:06.780 You know what I mean?

00:56:07.120 Yeah, but if...

00:56:07.620 They were probably cheating with you. 0.98

00:56:09.560 How do you know that?

00:56:10.620 How do you know that?

00:56:11.300 Women be lying a lot. 1.00

00:56:12.940 I'm pretty sure you were out with your friend and they started cheating and you're like,

00:56:15.640 why are you cheating?

00:56:16.220 And they're like, my men has been cheating.

00:56:17.620 They were finding a defense there.

00:56:18.920 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:56:19.980 I carry myself with some specific people for a reason.

00:56:23.920 I don't want to be embarrassed in public.

00:56:26.540 Okay.

00:56:27.380 Yes.

00:56:27.880 Thank you.

00:56:28.760 I just don't understand how you can blame the men when the women are cheating too. 0.93

00:56:32.980 Women lie. 1.00

00:56:33.700 They'll say they cheated first, but you don't know they did.

00:56:35.940 So you think women lie? 1.00

00:56:37.100 Yes.

00:56:37.960 Really?

00:56:38.260 Women, absolutely. 1.00

00:56:39.140 Do you lie?

00:56:40.660 Sometimes.

00:56:41.060 Do you lie?

00:56:41.640 Yeah.

00:56:42.420 Yeah.

00:56:42.800 Have you cheated on your...

00:56:43.980 No, I've never cheated.

00:56:45.820 Oh.

00:56:46.820 I mean, but this is the...

00:56:48.760 Why are you...

00:56:49.720 If you're going to do that, you can go.

00:56:52.000 No.

00:56:52.180 You got to stop.

00:56:54.000 Sorry.

00:56:54.480 This is...

00:56:56.200 But this is the thing.

00:56:57.560 Like, women do lie more than men. 1.00

00:56:59.360 Men own up to shit. 1.00

00:57:00.260 Even this whole story you guys are telling, like, it's like you're the victim in every 0.99

00:57:04.060 single situation you're in.

00:57:08.020 Not all men own up. 0.53

00:57:11.320 Some men do, yes.

00:57:12.880 I think men own up more than women. 0.99

00:57:17.940 Well, in that part, I can agree.

00:57:20.180 I agree.

00:57:20.560 Because you guys, you carry the pain and you spread it to your kids. 1.00

00:57:23.560 Now you're going to walk around and tell your kids, Zimbabwe men are trash. 1.00

00:57:26.440 Because you're preaching that gospel right now. 1.00

00:57:28.340 But when you go to your dad, it's like, oh, my dad is a great guy.

00:57:32.380 Now you guys are cool.

00:57:33.840 But I don't think it's a productive or even a good statement to generalize the whole nation 0.99

00:57:39.280 and say, oh, these Zimbabwe men are trash. 0.99

00:57:40.860 And you guys go on Twitter. 1.00

00:57:41.820 Because I see a lot of Zimbabwe girls, some, you know, tweeting this stuff a lot. 0.76

00:57:46.560 But it's just a small minority that I just allow this.

00:57:49.200 Saying Zimbabwe men are cheating and all that stuff.

00:57:51.280 But you guys tend to go for the Nigerian men.

00:57:54.360 Not saying anything about that.

00:57:56.080 But people also generalize them as well.

00:57:58.020 But I don't believe in generalizing anybody.

00:58:00.060 And I think the Zimbabwean culture actually is good for marriages and families all together.

00:58:05.160 Because your family, if you had actually come back the next day, I'm pretty sure they would have forgiven you.

00:58:09.640 And they're there to keep the family unit together.

00:58:12.240 Did your dad get divorced from your stepmom?

00:58:16.900 Which one?

00:58:18.460 The second stepmom?

00:58:20.780 After the one that kicked you out there?

00:58:23.400 No.

00:58:24.400 That one that kicked you out there was the second one.

00:58:26.620 You said there was one before that.

00:58:28.160 How did that one go?

00:58:29.280 She was good.

00:58:30.640 So what was the situation?

00:58:31.740 I loved her.

00:58:32.460 So what was the situation?

00:58:33.220 I don't know whatever happened between them happened, didn't it?

00:58:35.400 And I really, I don't know.

00:58:37.200 Do you guys think that modern women deserve traditional treatment? 1.00

00:58:44.600 Traditional treatment?

00:58:47.100 As in what way?

00:58:48.760 So do you think that men should hold the doors, pay for the date, that sort of thing?

00:58:57.340 You can't need to hold the door.

00:58:58.720 I can hold my own door.

00:58:59.960 No, but come on.

00:59:00.860 If you want to be romantic, he has to open the door.

00:59:03.300 I'm not a romantic person.

00:59:05.040 So like the average woman, she's not a virgin, right?

00:59:09.260 She's slept with multiple men. 0.92

00:59:11.560 She makes money just like the men do nowadays. 0.98

00:59:15.060 So like knowing that, do you think we should go 50-50?

00:59:18.760 50-50 on the bills at home?

00:59:22.620 On the bills, everything.

00:59:24.520 No, no, everything.

00:59:25.520 No, yeah, not everything.

00:59:26.880 Like what should we not go 50-50 on?

00:59:28.820 It doesn't make sense.

00:59:31.040 It doesn't make sense.

00:59:32.440 No.

00:59:33.100 Why?

00:59:33.520 No.

00:59:34.440 Because I'm...

00:59:35.580 I think you just said 100-100.

00:59:36.980 When we say 50-50, in terms of relationships, right?

00:59:39.720 In terms of like handing the bills, oh babe, you know, go and get the shopping. 0.95

00:59:44.620 Like, I understand that.

00:59:46.040 But no way, oh, when you're going on a date, oh yeah, because you're 50-50, yeah, you have

00:59:49.660 to get your own cup or get your own cutlery.

00:59:51.620 But you just said 100-100 at the start.

00:59:53.520 Did you say 100-100 at the start?

00:59:54.520 But I'm talking based on you are working, I'm working, you bring, what you're bringing,

00:59:59.200 I bring what I'm bringing, we work together.

01:00:00.520 But that's what I'm talking about.

JustPearlyThings - July 22, 2023

Modern Women Don't Know What They Want

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript