JustPearlyThings - March 22, 2023


The Only Advice That Women Need In Their 20s


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

189.8164

Word Count

2,023

Sentence Count

130

Misogynist Sentences

13

Hate Speech Sentences

6


Summary

In this episode, I speak to a group of women who have been sexually assaulted and how they are taking responsibility for their actions and healing from the trauma they ve gone through in order to be the best version of themselves.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 To reiterate my point, I clearly said to you,
00:00:02.940 I am a woman that believes in taking accountability.
00:00:05.500 I'm a woman that's healing.
00:00:06.660 I am a 21-year-old girl.
00:00:08.260 I'm not necessarily as matured as you lot,
00:00:10.920 or I'm not necessarily as experienced as you lot.
00:00:13.400 You're not a girl.
00:00:13.920 You're a grown woman.
00:00:14.880 If you've had sex and you've had relationships,
00:00:17.080 don't use the word girl because you will say,
00:00:19.560 and I don't mean this to put you down.
00:00:21.040 Listen, my mother was raped at 14.
00:00:25.460 With a weapon to her.
00:00:31.900 Her mother, she was raised in Section 8.
00:00:34.460 I don't know if you have that over here.
00:00:35.900 Welfare.
00:00:36.780 Okay?
00:00:37.540 She had no father at home.
00:00:38.440 She didn't meet her father until she was pregnant with me at 30 at his funeral
00:00:42.260 when he was in the casket.
00:00:43.960 Everything you talk about, people have went through worse,
00:00:47.160 and it's not to diminish what you've gone through.
00:00:50.240 What you've gone through is a learning lesson for you to do better.
00:00:55.200 Like, my mother then went on and did better than her family
00:00:58.500 through horrible circumstances.
00:01:00.520 Who took her in were nuns, Catholic nuns,
00:01:03.640 when her mother kicked her out from being assaulted at 14 and pregnant.
00:01:09.020 That's how I have my oldest sister.
00:01:11.760 So what I'm saying to you, which you went through,
00:01:15.300 use it as a learning lesson.
00:01:17.820 Use it to fuel who you want to be in the future
00:01:20.640 and realize the world has no sympathy for any of us.
00:01:26.400 The only person who cares about us the most is yourself.
00:01:30.580 And you use that as a learning lesson to never let someone manipulate you.
00:01:35.280 This is the issue that we have.
00:01:36.640 A lot of times women will say,
00:01:39.020 I was a victim of this, and you were.
00:01:41.140 Nobody doesn't believe you or anything like that.
00:01:45.900 Absolutely.
00:01:46.760 We know the trauma.
00:01:48.680 And even there's psychological, I would say,
00:01:52.780 things that someone can do to you that can break you down.
00:01:56.160 We even talk about Stockholm Syndrome and all these.
00:01:58.220 These things are very real in psychology.
00:02:00.960 But what you have to say now is say,
00:02:03.460 out of all that list she said,
00:02:04.980 you have to say,
00:02:05.980 you know,
00:02:07.320 how can I now learn that lesson so that I no longer can be a victim to such a monster?
00:02:16.200 I don't say.
00:02:17.100 And you have to say,
00:02:19.740 take accountability and say,
00:02:21.620 how am I choosing?
00:02:23.040 And do I have,
00:02:24.140 am I purposely choosing women in my life to guide me?
00:02:28.800 Am I coming under discipline and leadership?
00:02:30.880 Have I made changes?
00:02:32.720 Are there,
00:02:33.020 were there people in my life that said,
00:02:34.620 this is not a good guy,
00:02:36.040 but I still chose to be with this person?
00:02:39.480 Or I saw the red flags and it's not to point blame.
00:02:42.720 We all make mistakes.
00:02:44.640 Every single person in this room has not lived a perfect life.
00:02:48.820 So it's not about saying it was somehow your fault.
00:02:55.300 You're very young.
00:02:57.040 But now what happens is a lot of you guys are very young,
00:03:00.400 but the world now sees you,
00:03:02.260 you use the word girl.
00:03:03.400 And the reason why I said you're a woman is that now the world is going to hold you accountable as a woman.
00:03:08.260 And you're going to be a mother.
00:03:10.180 You're going to be somebody's grandmother.
00:03:12.960 You're going to be,
00:03:14.080 everything you've gone through is a lesson.
00:03:16.320 And so what you want to do for your life now is take what has happened,
00:03:21.600 digest it.
00:03:22.780 And accountability looks like this.
00:03:25.540 Why did I choose that?
00:03:27.000 What did my family of origin not give me?
00:03:30.540 After that situation,
00:03:31.860 have I sought out the counseling,
00:03:34.500 the help that I need?
00:03:35.520 Am I surrounding myself with people that,
00:03:38.660 you know,
00:03:39.120 that I can learn from so that I can do better?
00:03:42.460 What I find a lot of times is a lot of times we'll be victimized and we'll go through things and then we'll wall out.
00:03:48.580 We'll go off because emotionally we don't know how to deal with the situation.
00:03:53.460 And I think what the point is,
00:03:57.760 is nobody here wants you to be a victim ever again.
00:04:01.760 We want you to have strength and we want your daughters.
00:04:04.640 We want your family.
00:04:05.480 We want you to have a husband.
00:04:07.000 We want you to be taken care of.
00:04:08.640 We want you to be loved on in a way that you may not have experienced.
00:04:13.220 But in order to get that,
00:04:14.860 you know what happens to a lot of women who have been through that situation?
00:04:18.740 You continue to attract that same man.
00:04:21.680 So unless you pause on dating,
00:04:25.040 pause on you're very young.
00:04:26.300 You don't even need to date right now and do the internal work reading books.
00:04:30.820 How many books on relationships have you read?
00:04:33.060 How many things have you,
00:04:34.240 have you done to work on your healing through therapy?
00:04:37.420 If you can't afford therapy,
00:04:38.860 I think in the UK,
00:04:39.780 this stuff is free and the U S is a struggle bus,
00:04:42.360 but you know,
00:04:43.420 because we have to pay for everything.
00:04:44.800 But like,
00:04:46.300 have you explored every avenue because you say,
00:04:49.440 you know what?
00:04:49.780 I have to care about me more than anyone else.
00:04:52.860 And I can never allow another person.
00:04:55.180 So when I happened to my mother,
00:04:56.920 what she did is those nuns took her and she had no one.
00:04:59.960 And I won't go into details of how horrific it was,
00:05:04.440 but imagine being violated as that as a child and being pregnant.
00:05:07.940 And then your own mother who was for the streets at children by different men competed against you for different men did not believe you and didn't want another mouth to feed and kicked you out in that situation.
00:05:22.860 She just tried to find what she could and those nuns helped her.
00:05:27.320 She got her GED in the U S that's like your high school diploma.
00:05:30.320 And then she said,
00:05:31.780 she didn't talk to her family for seven years.
00:05:33.920 She said,
00:05:34.460 I'm going to do better than all of them.
00:05:36.040 She joined the military in the U S become ROTC.
00:05:39.600 She went to college,
00:05:40.500 graduated.
00:05:41.360 I grew up in the Pentagon under Colin Powell and people in the U S you guys may not know who these people are,
00:05:45.880 but I interned at the white house and I,
00:05:48.480 she raised me in private school.
00:05:50.080 She got married,
00:05:50.860 my father and had me and it was a lot going on.
00:05:55.080 So I only want to say this to you.
00:05:57.160 Pearl is not bringing this up to re victimize you because it's very serious,
00:06:02.180 but don't take it as a criticism.
00:06:05.140 But if we don't say it to you,
00:06:07.160 a lot of times you will still be attracted to whatever energy.
00:06:12.020 And,
00:06:12.120 and,
00:06:12.380 and I believe in spirituality,
00:06:13.920 whatever spirit you were attracted to,
00:06:17.400 you will continue to attract it.
00:06:19.160 Unless you say,
00:06:19.880 you know what,
00:06:20.300 what was in me that I saw red flags in this man.
00:06:23.540 And I stayed why,
00:06:25.220 you know,
00:06:25.540 and,
00:06:25.780 and how can I heal and grow from this so I can do better and get better?
00:06:29.680 Nobody's putting you down.
00:06:31.320 We want you to heal.
00:06:32.540 And I,
00:06:32.960 and I,
00:06:33.300 I want you to understand that,
00:06:35.320 that we understand.
00:06:35.980 And we absolutely do not blame you.
00:06:39.060 You're very young,
00:06:39.940 but I can see you going far.
00:06:41.840 If you can take the accountability and heal and do,
00:06:44.640 and,
00:06:44.760 and make better choices in men,
00:06:46.740 because they don't deserve you.
00:06:49.360 A demon like that who would abuse you does not deserve you.
00:06:52.560 And we don't want you to be attracted to that same spirit again.
00:06:55.540 I think you're right in saying that,
00:06:56.960 because again,
00:06:57.880 I know I just went a bit berserk about the words,
00:07:00.400 but I think you're right in saying what you do say manifests in itself.
00:07:04.480 So like,
00:07:05.680 if I am saying these sort of words,
00:07:07.200 then again,
00:07:08.580 it can happen again.
00:07:10.360 And so I think,
00:07:10.800 cause I,
00:07:11.100 like you said,
00:07:11.640 I'm attracting that sort of energy,
00:07:13.840 but yeah,
00:07:15.380 um,
00:07:15.720 I really appreciate what you just said.
00:07:17.820 And I definitely do agree with it.
00:07:21.020 I just think sometimes people can be a bit harsh in the way that they sort of say things.
00:07:25.300 Have you,
00:07:25.560 have you started?
00:07:26.060 Sorry for being so straightforward,
00:07:27.500 but that's where I am.
00:07:28.620 I'm not apologizing.
00:07:29.520 No,
00:07:29.720 no,
00:07:29.820 you're fine.
00:07:30.840 Have you started counseling?
00:07:32.380 Um,
00:07:32.620 yeah,
00:07:32.940 currently still.
00:07:34.040 How long have you been going?
00:07:35.600 Um,
00:07:36.580 about two months.
00:07:37.640 I don't know.
00:07:38.140 Is it a male or female therapist?
00:07:39.880 Female.
00:07:40.740 Female.
00:07:41.500 And I just tend not to really,
00:07:43.920 like I speak about it,
00:07:45.080 but I just don't really think it's helping.
00:07:47.360 Can I tell you,
00:07:48.280 the men in the space,
00:07:49.860 like MTR,
00:07:51.720 and there's other men in the space.
00:07:52.840 This is one thing.
00:07:53.580 Kevin Sanders was a good friend of mine.
00:07:55.400 And a lot of women were upset with him,
00:07:57.440 um,
00:07:58.060 because he would speak harshly.
00:07:59.680 And,
00:08:00.380 but one of the things that he understood is a lot of women that had no leadership and guidance and direction ahead.
00:08:06.120 You know,
00:08:06.500 they were lied to their entire lives.
00:08:08.420 They were being victimized by men in a very,
00:08:11.280 um,
00:08:11.920 harsh way.
00:08:12.480 He was very harsh with men.
00:08:13.960 In fact,
00:08:14.240 this just went viral.
00:08:15.640 Women are just discovering how he went crazy on men,
00:08:19.180 like way harder than women.
00:08:21.380 And,
00:08:21.960 um,
00:08:23.100 and I talked,
00:08:23.720 he,
00:08:24.200 one of the things he said was that like,
00:08:25.880 no one's talking to them.
00:08:27.040 People are just allowing our women to be victimized in,
00:08:30.960 in,
00:08:31.240 in,
00:08:31.880 in,
00:08:32.440 in telling them what they want to hear.
00:08:34.600 So one of the things I would advise you to do is to listen to men like MTR.
00:08:39.060 There's a lot of men in the space that if you actually listen to them,
00:08:43.440 befriended men in that space,
00:08:45.380 they will give you protection.
00:08:47.000 And especially if you come with a humble spirit and you're listening and you
00:08:50.820 would learn from them how men think and you will start to see,
00:08:54.780 wait,
00:08:55.040 I've seen a man like MTR who is talking about high achieving and,
00:09:00.060 and this,
00:09:00.640 that,
00:09:00.800 and the other.
00:09:01.120 And,
00:09:01.280 and,
00:09:01.520 and what the expectations are.
00:09:03.200 And you will start to see when a guy comes across you again,
00:09:05.840 who's like basic and,
00:09:08.120 and you could start to see those red flags because you're just like,
00:09:10.660 I've seen other men who are not this way,
00:09:13.520 who are,
00:09:14.080 you know,
00:09:14.980 who are,
00:09:15.480 who are different,
00:09:16.680 who speak different.
00:09:17.480 You may not been exposed to it.
00:09:19.160 So if a man comes with you with the same red flag energy that could victimize
00:09:23.620 you,
00:09:24.320 you'll know better.
00:09:24.920 You won't even be attracted to anymore because you have that exposure.
00:09:29.500 And if you befriend these men,
00:09:31.140 instead of making a lot of women make them their enemy,
00:09:34.220 but a lot of these men will,
00:09:35.700 will love you and give you advice and,
00:09:39.600 and treat you,
00:09:40.660 with respect.
00:09:41.740 And if you brought a man in their direction and ask them advice,
00:09:45.200 they will be happy to tell you the truth about that man.
00:09:48.900 But this is the thing.
00:09:49.780 A lot of women will hear the truth.
00:09:52.000 We will notice those red flags from our family and friends,
00:09:54.700 or we know in our spirit,
00:09:56.420 but we're attracted to something,
00:09:57.720 but we're not willing to step away.
00:10:00.700 There's a little bit of rebellion in us.
00:10:02.640 If we're honest,
00:10:03.460 we want what we want.
00:10:04.840 I'm grown.
00:10:05.580 I'm going to make my own choice.
00:10:07.340 But as you grow and as you get older,
00:10:09.260 these are things that are going to be important because you're going to tell
00:10:12.200 your daughters or your children the same thing,
00:10:14.620 or you may raise your sons to never victimize a woman.
00:10:17.600 You got to know what that looks like.
00:10:18.940 As many of you know,
00:10:24.320 I was just banned on Tik TOK and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this
00:10:30.160 platform.
00:10:31.200 If you want to help,
00:10:32.620 please consider sending a super thanks below.
00:10:35.600 Every donation helps and it helps make what we do possible.