Psychology IV - The Narcissist
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
127.176636
Summary
In this episode, I discuss narcissism and psychopathy and how they are related to each other. The narcissist is a narcissist. Narcissism is a personality disorder. Narcism is an epidemic in our culture and is endemic to our society.
Transcript
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part four the narcissist now as much as psychopathy is endemic to government and
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to large corporations narcissism is endemic to our culture right now where
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the the culture of attention of Facebook updates of me me me me me look how
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goddamn special I am it's sad really and I don't understand why but for some reason
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most people want to watch all these idiot narcissists on the idiot reality TV programs
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acting like idiots it's a very much a promoted personality disorder right now
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but that said there's a fine line between acting narcissistic and being a clinical narcissist
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now as before before we get to narcissism proper let's re-examine the personality type it's based
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off of the sanguine a sanguine is the best friend and the worst enemy of the choleric now I'm probably
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betraying myself a bit here I'm very choleric of temperament and so I do tend to view all these
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personality types is how I relate to them so when you get the melancholic or the phlegmatic these are
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the people that I rely upon the melancholic is the techie that I I count on being part of the team
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the phlegmatic that's somebody that I can trust to be there to be part of the party I don't understand
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them but I know that I can trust them the sanguine on the other hand that's the person that starts
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shit for the choleric person most bar fights probably boil down to a drunk sanguine mouthing off a drunk
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choleric person the sanguine is extroverted they're the joker they're the the life of the party they're
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the one that starts the party in the first place might be the choleric that winds up running the
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thing but it's a sanguine that initiates the whole thing they're the experimenter they're the jokester
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they run out do new things all the time stand-up comics tend to be very very sanguine at the same
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time they're not they're not that tactical they're not very much of a reader which isn't to
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say that they can't be readers my best friend is incredibly sanguine and he reads constantly but
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he's very much a seat of his pants sort of a person he just gets an idea in his head and says hey
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haven't done this before let's do it you only live once and we've had some great adventures together
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because of that their uh their motive reputation is very important to them
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see a choleric can be talked into a fight because you're offending his principles
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a sanguine will start a fight because you're not giving him the respect that he deserves
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just not to say that there are hotheads that will always fight but the hothead is a good way of
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of thinking of them very active very very proactive seeking out new people and new situations all the time
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well the superego basically tells them two things
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first of all that even though you love doing new things you love getting the meat of it without
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eating the potatoes that you do have to finish the tasks that you start gives them a bit of discipline
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you know lets them acknowledge the ego instead of being pure id and the other thing it does
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is it makes them accept people for who they are uh the sanguine might want to party 24 7
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when they're not hung over but they'll accept other people's limitations
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uh particularly the phlegmatic and the melancholic
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they won't push these or the melancholic especially they won't push these people too
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hard and with the phlegmatic the phlegmatic will tend to follow them around to parties
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they'll not abuse this power with the phlegmatic
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and once again it's the superego that the the clinical narcissist is completely lacking
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the clinical narcissist is pure id they live in a world of narrative narrative matters not facts
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that said they don't lie very often now the sociopath will lie constantly they'll lie for no
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reason if they're particularly stupid sociopath the narcissist doesn't tend to lie but they tend to
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they will say that what they're doing is the greatest thing that's ever been done
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they'll try and convince everybody that they have just the coolest thing going on that nothing like
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it exists that they're a completely unique person a completely unique idea that they have in their
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head but this latest adventure is the first they are the jesus of this adventure they won't lie about
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the facts specifically but they'll twist them they'll exaggerate them they'll they'll bend them to fit into a
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narrative because that's what they need their narrative they need to be the center of attention
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they need to be the center of the universe and where the sociopath doesn't acknowledge that other
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people are real that they don't have real emotions the narcissist won't acknowledge that other people
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have real desires real objectives of their own the only purpose that other people have in the narcissist's mind
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the people surrounding them need to worship them they need to admire them for being a genius or for being
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the coolest guy ever for being the most badass guy ever or what have you they
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they need that narrative everything needs to fit into this narrative and so because they're very extra go
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extroverted outgoing because they're a people person what they'll do is one
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they will chastise you if you're good at something
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so let's say part of their narcissism is that they're a good driver
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if they drive with you they will constantly criticize your driving
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and talk themselves up about what an amazing driver they are they will make themselves out to be an
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expert and if they aren't an expert if they have no idea about what you're doing if they don't know
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anything about your field of expertise they'll often pick a contrarian viewpoint for instance if you're a
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doctor or a dietitian they'll grab some fab diet and claim to be an absolute expert on chinese herbal
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healing or whatever it is and completely discount your entire body of knowledge
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they seek to chastise you to push you down lower than them so that you'll follow them and worship them
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they want to be the center of attention the center of the story they want to be the only protagonist but
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they need other people to take part in their play
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and time to time because the narcissist is their ego is not based upon actual reality but just their
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interpretation of it reality will come in every so often and kick them in the ass they're the greatest
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musician ever and their band falls apart and they never get a record in that case they'll change the
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narrative all of a sudden they don't want to go commercial they don't want to sell their
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souls to be a really popular musician no they they prefer being the indie scene their band fell apart
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well you know what bands bands aren't the what a true musician does you know because a true musician
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can't can't subsume their art around other people they need to speak the truth and that's why they're going
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solo now uh they constantly reinterpret everything around them to make them number one when their
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plans fall through they'll say well that was it was always my plan to do this i that wasn't a screw
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up that wasn't an accident no it was on purpose what what do you mean that i screwed i didn't screw
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up i don't screw i can't screw up and this is where you get the narcissistic rage
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sometimes our narcissist will get to the point where they can't rewrite the narrative anymore
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the facts are coming in and reality doesn't allow them any more wiggle room
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and when that happens when they have to acknowledge that they're not a superhero that they're not the
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best musician ever or the smartest guy or whatever they were claiming to be when they are forced to
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acknowledge that that doesn't exist they react with extreme violence
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the sociopath will use violence instrumentally for if they're a gangbanger they'll use it to get ahead
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if they're bigger than you they'll use it to push you around but it's always instrumental they don't
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really feel angry about anything they just decide to switch on the anger circuit because it gets them
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into something the narcissist when all of their delusions when all of their phantasm their smoke and mirrors
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have been shattered and blown away all they have left is an absolute rage with all existence and they
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will lash out at anyone and everyone that they can surrounding them
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murder suicides happen this way where the identity that they had gets destroyed and so they murder their
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wife and children and kill themselves because if they just killed themselves they wouldn't be the
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successful family man anymore that committed suicide no no no they have to kill the wife and kids the other
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they're witnesses around them their identity is all that they have now how you look out for these people
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they'll try and put you down and then build you up all over again they'll react very very harshly
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if you have an opinion that's just slightly different from theirs if you have a field of expertise
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that is slightly different from theirs they will attack you harshly for it and then try and reprogram
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you with their truth alternatively let's say you have a field of expertise that is unassailable
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by them for instance let's say they have part of their identity is that they support the troops
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and you've been over to afghanistan twice at that point they won't try and tear you down as a soldier
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they can't do that without contradicting their own identity so what they'll try and do is they'll
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butter you up a little bit they'll go on and on about how much they support the troops and then they'll run
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away because you're producing a crack in their identity that you are a better soldier than they
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could ever be you're producing a crack they'll run away if there's nothing they can do with it
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if they're stuck with you in the same room that's when the narcissist narcissistic rage comes out
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they form the cult of personality so look out for situations where a person doesn't broker any
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disagreement any discussion and is extremely grandiose in what they claim about themselves and what they
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narcissists can be pretty dangerous to be around if you let them they'll pull you into their world
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they'll get you to invest all your resources on a stupid dream
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and they'll throw you away the instant that you begin to be any sort of a threat to them and worst
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case scenario if you do pierce the veil of their own self-delusion they will physically attack you
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but they're not as dangerous as the borderline get to that one next