Louder with Crowder - January 26, 2022


China REWRITES Hollywood Classics?! We Uncover Just How Deep It Goes! | Louder with Crowder


Episode Stats


Length

50 minutes

Words per minute

165.47745

Word count

8,318

Sentence count

988

Harmful content

Misogyny

34

sentences flagged

Toxicity

103

sentences flagged

Hate speech

30

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On today's episode of Louder With Crowder with Dave, the guys talk about the upcoming live show at the Majestic Theater in Waukegan, IL on March 26th and 29th, as well as some other stuff.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Louder with Crowder" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So you probably know that Wikipedia is the number one research tool portal in the world
00:00:22.000 with over 18 billion views a month.
00:00:25.000 But what if everything you thought you knew about Wikipedia was, um, was wrong?
00:00:33.000 I bet it is.
00:00:35.000 His channel has quote, some of the most overt racism of any of the shows I've ever looked
00:00:49.000 at.
00:00:49.000 Yeah.
00:01:12.000 By the power of Crowder Shop, I have the power!
00:01:23.000 Dave, you're not wearing pants.
00:01:26.000 Tis true. 0.99
00:01:29.000 Where'd Dave get those cool threads?
00:01:32.000 Wouldn't you like to know?
00:01:33.000 It's a mystery.
00:01:35.000 But you can start your treasure hunt at CrowderShop.com.
00:01:39.000 I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
00:01:42.000 Browder Shop!
00:01:44.000 Up next is...
00:01:49.000 This is a video I made a few weeks ago. I'm not a fan of the music, but I'll try to make a video that's a little
00:02:11.000 different. I hope you enjoy!
00:02:19.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Louder With Crowder with Dave!
00:02:24.000 Good morning, everybody.
00:02:25.000 Stephen is not here.
00:02:26.000 He is out.
00:02:27.000 I believe he's at Meat Loaf's wake.
00:02:30.000 And what we can do...
00:02:33.000 We're excited.
00:02:34.000 We already pulled off a live show today, obviously, Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m.
00:02:39.000 Eastern.
00:02:39.000 Remember, if we're booted from YouTube, the show goes on Rumble, Podcasts, Mug Club.
00:02:45.000 Mug Club.
00:02:45.000 You can watch them anywhere you want, right there.
00:02:48.000 See that, Rumble?
00:02:49.000 Nice point.
00:02:50.000 Yeah, it's a good point.
00:02:51.000 It's good.
00:02:51.000 Yeah, you pointed right at it.
00:02:52.000 That was very nice.
00:02:53.000 I was pretty good.
00:02:54.000 Yeah, you practiced that.
00:02:54.000 I'm getting a little better.
00:02:55.000 Thank you.
00:02:56.000 I was up all night making sure that point was good.
00:02:59.000 So I'm excited.
00:03:00.000 Also, today we got a lot of interesting stuff on the show.
00:03:03.000 What would you do if you were driving down the highway and saw a crate of monkeys just scattered, just crates all over the road?
00:03:12.000 Comment below, let us know what you would do to stop Or help.
00:03:18.000 Or hurt.
00:03:19.000 Or not.
00:03:19.000 Whatever you do.
00:03:20.000 Touch as many as possible.
00:03:21.000 Yeah.
00:03:22.000 I would look for Dustin Hoffman.
00:03:23.000 I would too.
00:03:25.000 I would be like, have you guys seen the Matt LeBlanc movie where one of you play baseball?
00:03:30.000 And then one would be biting me.
00:03:33.000 So we're excited to be here.
00:03:34.000 Don't forget to go to the merch store.
00:03:36.000 Boom.
00:03:36.000 Mug Club slash live chat.
00:03:39.000 That's in the merch store, maybe.
00:03:41.000 I don't know.
00:03:42.000 So you got Loud Earth Prouder merch store.
00:03:44.000 You get all kinds.
00:03:45.000 You get mugs.
00:03:46.000 You can get shirts.
00:03:47.000 If you subscribe, you get the mugs, and you get to buy the merch.
00:03:51.000 Yeah!
00:03:51.000 It's cool, like Best Dad Ever, you know?
00:03:53.000 Yeah, an Ahoy shirt really is the best one you can get, but if you want to get some... Well, Shark Tale.
00:03:59.000 Shark Tale's good.
00:03:59.000 I don't know if that's still on there, but there's limited time.
00:04:01.000 Shark Tale should be on there.
00:04:03.000 We'll be taking your live chat.
00:04:04.000 Yes, we'll be taking your live chat in Mug Club.
00:04:07.000 Yes, that was the slash live chat.
00:04:10.000 Oh, is that what it was?
00:04:12.000 Well, maybe tell me.
00:04:14.000 Well hey, how about this?
00:04:15.000 Dave, you're gonna be in a couple of places coming up, March 26th and April 9th, what do you have on that?
00:04:20.000 That's right!
00:04:20.000 Because you sold out Cuyahoga Falls!
00:04:22.000 Cuyahoga Falls either way!
00:04:23.000 It's sold out, and then Denver's getting close to that for the first week of February, but I will be in March 26th, the Victory Theater in Evansville, Indiana, and April 9th, the Genesee Theater Yeah, the Genesee.
00:04:37.000 Genesee.
00:04:38.000 Not Hennessy.
00:04:39.000 Different theater.
00:04:39.000 We got in trouble for that.
00:04:40.000 Genesee Theater in Waukegan, Illinois.
00:04:43.000 Beautiful city.
00:04:44.000 Yes.
00:04:45.000 Fantastic.
00:04:45.000 I believe Waukegan is the Chicago of the North.
00:04:51.000 Waukegan.
00:04:54.000 Where is this city we're talking about?
00:04:55.000 Lower Chicago.
00:04:57.000 Lower Chicago?
00:04:58.000 Waukegan?
00:04:58.000 Yeah.
00:04:59.000 I've vacationed three or four times.
00:05:01.000 What?
00:05:01.000 Yeah, easy, right?
00:05:02.000 It's a nice place to go.
00:05:03.000 What the hell are you guys talking about?
00:05:04.000 You've never been to Waukegan? 0.90
00:05:05.000 No!
00:05:06.000 Where is it?
00:05:06.000 It's a resort town outside Chicago.
00:05:08.000 I think you're full of crap. 1.00
00:05:09.000 Yeah, I think I am too. 1.00
00:05:10.000 Yeah, what is it?
00:05:11.000 Gary, Indiana?
00:05:13.000 Yeah, we go to Gary.
00:05:13.000 Nice resort town.
00:05:14.000 Yeah, you get to actually go to where the Jackson 5 came from and you can see the blood spatter from where Joe would hit his kids.
00:05:23.000 You'll be better at music for this.
00:05:25.000 I need you to dance in the sink. 1.00
00:05:28.000 Come here, Tito. 0.98
00:05:30.000 You're the weakest. 0.96
00:05:31.000 All right.
00:05:32.000 Pfizer's got a new vaccine.
00:05:34.000 Pfizer has, I don't know if you heard, started clinical trials on a new vaccine to combat the Omnicorp virus.
00:05:43.000 It's the variant.
00:05:44.000 Yay.
00:05:45.000 And I do trust them.
00:05:48.000 Let's be honest.
00:05:49.000 Who wouldn't at this point?
00:05:52.000 We got Lane the Brain here.
00:05:53.000 I didn't even introduce everybody.
00:05:54.000 Yeah, you didn't do that.
00:05:55.000 Did I?
00:05:55.000 Lane the Brain.
00:05:56.000 A little discouraging, but I'm back.
00:05:57.000 We'll go back.
00:05:59.000 We'll go back.
00:05:59.000 Gerald Day is here.
00:06:00.000 How are you, sir?
00:06:01.000 I'm great.
00:06:02.000 How about you?
00:06:02.000 I am doing fantastically well.
00:06:04.000 I'm a little miffed.
00:06:07.000 At the loser of our last debate that we allowed him back in the studio, but... I don't know about that.
00:06:11.000 That doesn't sound right.
00:06:13.000 I gotta say, it was close, guys.
00:06:14.000 It was close.
00:06:15.000 It was definitely close.
00:06:16.000 Was it?
00:06:17.000 He made some good points.
00:06:17.000 It was close.
00:06:18.000 Lane won.
00:06:19.000 What?!
00:06:21.000 Also, we got Token Nowin.
00:06:24.000 How you doing?
00:06:24.000 Ahoy.
00:06:25.000 Ahoy, ahoy! 0.97
00:06:26.000 There we go!
00:06:26.000 And ahoy to you all at home.
00:06:28.000 And we got Keegan.
00:06:30.000 He has no mic.
00:06:32.000 Oh, I just wanted to include you.
00:06:34.000 We did that on purpose, Dave, you know.
00:06:36.000 Why?
00:06:37.000 Well, the last time.
00:06:37.000 Is it the sunglasses?
00:06:39.000 Those are cool glasses.
00:06:40.000 I like them.
00:06:41.000 He'll sit in your chair again.
00:06:43.000 Well, that'll be a beating that other people do for me because I am a frail old man.
00:06:49.000 And also Tim the Tool Man, one of my favorite people.
00:06:52.000 How you doing today, baby?
00:06:53.000 Good, how are you?
00:06:54.000 Great!
00:06:55.000 We got Lane the Brain?
00:06:57.000 There you go.
00:06:58.000 So here we go.
00:06:58.000 What the hell was that?
00:06:59.000 What? 0.78
00:07:00.000 It's my new catchphrase.
00:07:01.000 Ah!
00:07:01.000 He says say ho, I go ahoy.
00:07:04.000 And you go what?
00:07:05.000 That's exactly what just happened.
00:07:07.000 Yes.
00:07:07.000 We do that.
00:07:09.000 That's how we do it.
00:07:09.000 It's how we roll guys.
00:07:11.000 Great.
00:07:11.000 Let's get on this.
00:07:12.000 Fantastic.
00:07:13.000 All right.
00:07:13.000 So we do have Pfizer's new vaccine, as we talked about, and I think it's important that we show that the, what do you call it, the vaccines and the several boosters have helped many people.
00:07:24.000 There's no doubt about that across the country.
00:07:26.000 We talk about it every day.
00:07:28.000 And there's no reason to not trust Big Pharma.
00:07:31.000 Yes, they may have used heroin and cough syrup for babies at some point.
00:07:36.000 Yes, cocaine may have been used for cough syrup and babies at some point.
00:07:41.000 But we do know that the opioid epidemic is somewhat in control because we don't hear about it anymore.
00:07:45.000 Nobody dies from that.
00:07:47.000 No, nobody.
00:07:48.000 And it's not as addictive as it used to be, I've read.
00:07:51.000 Read?
00:07:51.000 Yeah, I don't know if it's true.
00:07:53.000 In the libraries, in the books.
00:07:54.000 No, no.
00:07:55.000 Well, I didn't read it.
00:07:56.000 The guy who sold them to me told me that.
00:07:58.000 So what I have here is our brand new sponsor, Opioids.
00:08:02.000 We'd like to thank Big Pharma for coming out to the show and sponsoring us with opioids.
00:08:08.000 Very popular in the Upper Midwest.
00:08:09.000 Very.
00:08:09.000 After I blew up my knee playing high school football, I never thought I'd live pain-free ever again.
00:08:15.000 Giving birth to triplets and injuring my back getting rear-ended by a drunk driver.
00:08:19.000 I figured soreness and irritation were just a part of life.
00:08:23.000 I just needed to escape the daily hell that I call life.
00:08:28.000 Oh, and I had some minor foot pain.
00:08:33.000 I think that's the guy that rear-ended me.
00:08:36.000 Yeah, it is.
00:08:40.000 After my fourth DUI, I was court ordered to never drink again.
00:08:44.000 And now I have a scram tether that monitors my alcohol intake 24-7.
00:08:50.000 But then my doctor told me about opioids.
00:08:53.000 He said they take my pain away for good.
00:08:57.000 And now I don't suffer because I got a bottle of 60 warm hugs from God.
00:09:05.000 Now that I don't have any pain, I can catch anything that life throws at me.
00:09:09.000 I don't hurt anymore.
00:09:10.000 And now my three kids have a hard time keeping up with me.
00:09:13.000 When I run out of my medicine, the agony returns.
00:09:16.000 And then I have to do pretty sinful things to get more.
00:09:26.000 There's only supposed to be one of you guys.
00:09:31.000 My doctor said I'm too pretty to get addicted.
00:09:35.000 Opioids should only be used as medically prescribed.
00:09:37.000 They may cause nausea, headache, constipation, anal discharge, crocodile tears, addiction, cult leading, hair lifts, suicide, homicide, clowning around with the fellas, and in rare, but fairly often cases, death.
00:09:53.000 Ask your doctor about opioids today.
00:09:58.000 Opioids.
00:10:00.000 Because you're not on heroin... yet. 1.00
00:10:03.000 Fuck you, you hear her? 1.00
00:10:05.000 Fuck you! 1.00
00:10:07.000 Opioids. 1.00
00:10:10.000 Get them prescribed for anything from knee pain to depression.
00:10:14.000 Available at your local pharmacy or doctor who has a loose script pad.
00:10:20.000 Glad we have creative control for all of our sponsors.
00:10:23.000 Well, I just think it's important that they get back out there in the public.
00:10:27.000 Big Opioid has been really good to work with, though.
00:10:28.000 They really have been.
00:10:29.000 They've been cool.
00:10:30.000 I like the sample packs they give me.
00:10:31.000 Strawberry.
00:10:34.000 I really do like the strawberry.
00:10:35.000 You know what they call you, Dave?
00:10:36.000 A frequent flyer.
00:10:38.000 That's true.
00:10:39.000 I like that they tell you which opioids to take.
00:10:41.000 They're like, these ones are for driving, these ones are for babysitting.
00:10:46.000 Oh gosh.
00:10:47.000 So, are we still on YouTube?
00:10:50.000 We should be.
00:10:52.000 Yeah, we're good.
00:10:53.000 I mean, it's a sponsor.
00:10:54.000 It's a sponsor.
00:10:56.000 We're just trying to say how great Big Pharma is.
00:10:58.000 Well, yeah, everybody else is saying it.
00:10:59.000 From opioids to vaccines, they've done good things.
00:11:01.000 They've done.
00:11:03.000 Come on now.
00:11:05.000 Cher?
00:11:06.000 Uh, you guys remember Cher?
00:11:07.000 Yeah.
00:11:07.000 No.
00:11:07.000 Still around?
00:11:08.000 If you could turn back time, you might.
00:11:10.000 What?
00:11:10.000 You don't remember Cher?
00:11:13.000 Wow.
00:11:14.000 Dave's got the best jokes.
00:11:15.000 Did you watch, uh, the movie Mermaids?
00:11:18.000 I didn't.
00:11:18.000 Yeah?
00:11:19.000 I watched The Little Mermaid one time.
00:11:20.000 Is she in that?
00:11:21.000 She's not in that, no. 1.00
00:11:23.000 No, she's- You ugly! 1.00
00:11:24.000 She's far more attractive. 0.97
00:11:26.000 But I mean, Cher is 75 years young and says she's looking good and finally ready to share her fitness regimen with the world.
00:11:34.000 So here is a clip from her new workout video.
00:11:37.000 D-O-N-K-E-Y-Y-Y-Y I can dance with my whole crew 0.92
00:11:42.000 I can shake my dorky behind Like this 0.57
00:11:44.000 I got Chuck in my trunk The crew with the funk 0.96
00:11:46.000 And I'm having a real good time Let's kick it
00:11:49.000 Oh my gosh, that's almost as good as Sonny Bono's ski tutorials.
00:11:52.000 Yeah, that's a good one.
00:11:53.000 That's how I learned to do it. 1.00
00:11:55.000 Or Chaz Bono's how to make a penis out of ass fat. 1.00
00:11:58.000 Ah! 1.00
00:11:59.000 That is a great video.
00:12:00.000 Didn't know that was possible.
00:12:01.000 Did you know that?
00:12:01.000 It's in my home collection.
00:12:02.000 Yeah, it's pretty good.
00:12:03.000 I mean...
00:12:06.000 I added it to my watch list.
00:12:08.000 I'll get there.
00:12:08.000 They're all on tape.
00:12:09.000 I got the hard copy.
00:12:10.000 Oh, really?
00:12:11.000 I have a soft one.
00:12:13.000 In related news, actress Sarah Jessica Parker, you know her, SJP, she's also,
00:12:19.000 because she's getting a little older but still good looking, so she's also decided to put out an exercise program as
00:12:24.000 well.
00:12:25.000 Clip clopping to the oldies.
00:12:34.000 That's what it is.
00:12:36.000 I believe she's on what's called a Gallopon.
00:12:39.000 That's terrible.
00:12:43.000 I didn't know that 1-800 number was still available, man.
00:12:46.000 I gotta tell you, what's funny is I guess Mr. Big on the new Sex and the City dies on a Peloton.
00:12:55.000 Does he?
00:12:55.000 Yeah, like the first episode.
00:12:57.000 You know why, right?
00:12:58.000 Because he got me too'd.
00:12:59.000 He did. 1.00
00:13:00.000 He got me too'd and they're like, alright, we're gonna kill you on a Peloton. 0.96
00:13:02.000 Why would you go back to the show, though, where they're like, you're me too, but now we're gonna murder you, and it's like, that's cool, I'll come admit guilt. 0.98
00:13:08.000 Yeah, that's your penance.
00:13:09.000 How do you die on a peloton?
00:13:10.000 Uh, he had a heart attack.
00:13:12.000 Ah!
00:13:12.000 Well, that's good.
00:13:14.000 Well, what happened was he took a bunch of our sponsors.
00:13:17.000 That's all he took.
00:13:18.000 Not our other sponsor next to that sponsor.
00:13:20.000 No, no, no.
00:13:21.000 He was on our opioid sponsor mixed with our fentanyl sponsor, which will be on later this week.
00:13:27.000 It's called fentanyl.
00:13:28.000 We're not that bad.
00:13:30.000 Well, it'd kill you a little.
00:13:32.000 No, it's fentanyl for elephants.
00:13:33.000 It's not your fault if you take it.
00:13:37.000 We all know Sarah is married to Matthew Broderick.
00:13:40.000 I didn't.
00:13:41.000 And because he wants to jump on the same bandwagon, he is now putting out an educational series.
00:13:47.000 Oh, good for him.
00:13:48.000 Yep, it teaches driver's education.
00:13:50.000 Geez, was that him?
00:13:58.000 No, no, he killed a guy in Ireland.
00:14:00.000 What?
00:14:01.000 Yeah, with his car.
00:14:01.000 Is that real?
00:14:02.000 I think a couple.
00:14:03.000 Real?
00:14:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:04.000 But he got off because he was in, you know, Ferris Bueller's Day Off or whatever, like sometimes... What do you say, Porsche? 0.99
00:14:10.000 Sometimes you gotta kill people. 0.81
00:14:11.000 Nothing less or whatever. 1.00
00:14:12.000 You gotta kill people. 1.00
00:14:14.000 It was an accident. 1.00
00:14:15.000 I mean, if you put the steering wheel on the right side, those people would still be alive today.
00:14:22.000 It's not wrong. 0.84
00:14:23.000 No!
00:14:24.000 Like, what are you laughing at?
00:14:25.000 That's correct.
00:14:25.000 That's correct.
00:14:26.000 If he was driving in the right lane, I mean, the Irish guy in his own country, and Matthew Broderick was driving in the right lane, whatever, you get it.
00:14:35.000 He really killed two people.
00:14:37.000 Yeah, he crashed head-on.
00:14:39.000 And I guess his car had airbags.
00:14:41.000 Ah.
00:14:41.000 I guess then it's not his fault.
00:14:43.000 Their car had a windshield.
00:14:46.000 Didn't Laura Bush kill somebody? 0.95
00:14:48.000 Wow. 0.99
00:14:49.000 Laura Bush, she's a guy with a car.
00:14:50.000 She's a long prison term for that? 1.00
00:14:53.000 Yeah, big, oh wait, no, not at all.
00:14:56.000 I actually prefer Bruce Jenner's Crash Course.
00:14:59.000 Whatever happened to him?
00:15:02.000 Oh! 0.60
00:15:02.000 Wait a minute. 0.60
00:15:04.000 He killed someone and became a woman. 0.99
00:15:07.000 Right, I forgot that he down-fired his way out of that one.
00:15:10.000 Classic American tale. 0.90
00:15:11.000 You know, just whatever you do, if you kill someone with a car, pretend you're your sister.
00:15:21.000 I think I've got some hunger pains, man.
00:15:23.000 You have been looking hungry.
00:15:25.000 Yeah, I am.
00:15:25.000 Why are you so hungry?
00:15:26.000 I told you earlier my stomach was grumbling.
00:15:28.000 I don't know if it was- You know what we have actually as a sponsor that is delicious, and I like them way more than opioids, is Bilt Bar.
00:15:34.000 Yes!
00:15:35.000 Have you had- my favorite, I gotta say, I like the mint chocolate, I like the coconut, what's yours?
00:15:40.000 Double chocolate.
00:15:41.000 You like the double chocolate?
00:15:41.000 I noticed you're holding up one of the very best One of the very best flavors ever.
00:15:47.000 The birthday... Lane... The birthday cake is the best.
00:15:52.000 Lane likes the birthday cake.
00:15:53.000 I taste tested every single one at least five times.
00:15:55.000 Oh, wow.
00:15:56.000 And then you put them back.
00:15:57.000 That's the weird part.
00:15:58.000 Well, I didn't wanna eat the whole thing.
00:16:00.000 He likes to share, Gerald.
00:16:02.000 That's not what I heard.
00:16:03.000 Sharing is caring.
00:16:05.000 You know, a lot of people like to share Bilt Bars.
00:16:07.000 Even if you're brothers.
00:16:09.000 I adore.
00:16:10.000 I'm pandemic stopper and grammar savior, Andrew Cuomo.
00:16:14.000 And this here's my brother, Chris.
00:16:17.000 And just don't call me Fredo!
00:16:20.000 And we're here today to tell you why we like belt bars.
00:16:26.000 It's because... Why do we love them so much, Chris?
00:16:31.000 Because they don't ask for consent!
00:16:34.000 Ayo! 0.99
00:16:36.000 You can eat em. 1.00
00:16:37.000 You can lick em. 1.00
00:16:38.000 And you can suck em. 1.00
00:16:39.000 And you can suck on... 1.00
00:16:43.000 Love forget me with my billboard. 1.00
00:16:50.000 You can enjoy two at a time.
00:16:59.000 And you can talk dirty to him. 1.00
00:17:00.000 I'm I'm gonna bust you in half. 0.98
00:17:04.000 You're gonna need a wheelchair to get around for the next three weeks.
00:17:08.000 Yeah.
00:17:12.000 You know what's good about these?
00:17:14.000 What's good about them, Andrew?
00:17:15.000 You can undress them. 0.99
00:17:17.000 Oh, damn. 1.00
00:17:17.000 Yeah, and you don't even have to ask. 1.00
00:17:20.000 I usually gotta get three nos before that period just comes through.
00:17:24.000 Yeah.
00:17:24.000 That's been a little bit spaghetti, my bad.
00:17:26.000 Yeah, that's alright.
00:17:26.000 You spit on it a little.
00:17:27.000 You like that.
00:17:28.000 I like to get spit on.
00:17:30.000 And, the best part is they're sugar free.
00:17:33.000 Which means they're built... Without the guilt!
00:17:37.000 Mmm.
00:17:38.000 Where you been all my life?
00:17:41.000 Don't tell my wife.
00:17:42.000 Mmm.
00:17:43.000 Oh yeah.
00:17:44.000 Oh, you got a sister?
00:17:45.000 Hey.
00:17:45.000 Oh, you do?
00:17:46.000 Andrew, she's your sister.
00:17:47.000 You do?
00:17:48.000 Oh yeah.
00:17:51.000 I don't think they're sugar-free.
00:17:53.000 They're not sugar-free. 1.00
00:17:54.000 No, but they're- FOMO brothers are idiots. 1.00
00:17:55.000 They're low sugar. 1.00
00:17:56.000 Very low sugar.
00:17:57.000 Very low sugar.
00:17:57.000 They're not the best spokespeople for it.
00:17:59.000 They're guilt-free, and I- Well, they're guilt-free because they won't tell on you for sexually assaulting them.
00:18:04.000 By the way, I just got a call.
00:18:05.000 Yeah, Bilt Bar wants, uh, they want creative control back.
00:18:08.000 Oh, do they really?
00:18:09.000 That's strange.
00:18:10.000 I thought, that's weird, because I think that sold them more.
00:18:14.000 Well, you know what I think?
00:18:15.000 I think Bill Barr is delicious, and I honestly think you should try him.
00:18:20.000 Go to BillBarr.com and use promo code CROWDER15, capital C, to get 15% off your next order.
00:18:27.000 I assure you, you're going to enjoy them, especially for those who work out, I'm told.
00:18:31.000 Well, and let us know, too.
00:18:32.000 A lot of people have screenshotted their order for the first time and then sent a tweet or Instagram or Facebook or MySpace or Yelp.
00:18:40.000 Something, you know.
00:18:41.000 Yeah, you can Yelp.
00:18:43.000 Yeah, why don't you LinkedIn us?
00:18:47.000 I was trying to think of like older ones that I could throw in there that Yahoo messengered me.
00:18:53.000 Yeah, you can do that.
00:18:54.000 Make sure they tell us their favorite flavor so we can settle this debate.
00:18:57.000 We can!
00:18:57.000 We're gonna do a poll.
00:18:58.000 That's what we're gonna do.
00:18:59.000 I'm with.
00:18:59.000 I agree.
00:19:01.000 Laying the brains got a point.
00:19:03.000 Oh jeez, again?
00:19:04.000 You still look hungry though, which is odd.
00:19:06.000 I kind of am.
00:19:08.000 I mean, I've got some pickles over here.
00:19:09.000 You have pickles?
00:19:10.000 Yeah, do you think I should try that?
00:19:12.000 I hear the...
00:19:13.000 I don't know why you have pickles, but are they good?
00:19:16.000 They're fantastic, actually.
00:19:17.000 Are they really?
00:19:17.000 I like pickles a lot.
00:19:19.000 I didn't know he was such a pickle fan. 0.98
00:19:20.000 I'm a huge pickle fan.
00:19:22.000 I saw him eating the pickles out there, but I didn't know that he was diehard.
00:19:27.000 Do you eat them outside of the office, too?
00:19:29.000 Giant jar right here.
00:19:30.000 Giant.
00:19:31.000 That's a lot of pickles.
00:19:32.000 Well, I like pickles.
00:19:33.000 There's nothing wrong with liking pickles, right?
00:19:36.000 It doesn't make you a bad person to like pickles.
00:19:38.000 Okay, fine.
00:19:38.000 Then what's the big deal?
00:19:39.000 I like pickles.
00:19:39.000 I might eat a pickle on air.
00:19:41.000 Have a pickle!
00:19:41.000 Okay!
00:19:42.000 I will!
00:19:43.000 I just- We are inclusive!
00:19:44.000 We like, kinda like, sucks the salt off, though.
00:19:46.000 I'm not gonna like Brian Stelter the pickle, but I'm gonna eat the pickle.
00:19:50.000 There's nothing intended by this.
00:19:52.000 That's between you and Stelter and the devil.
00:19:55.000 Just so, you know, we- everybody's- Brian Stelter's good at his job.
00:19:59.000 I don't want any screenshots of me eating a pickle.
00:20:02.000 Yeah, just enjoy the pickle.
00:20:04.000 You seem to like it a lot.
00:20:05.000 It's good.
00:20:06.000 How would you describe the flavor?
00:20:07.000 Good?
00:20:08.000 Pickle-ish.
00:20:09.000 But, like, good pickle?
00:20:11.000 It's a great pickle.
00:20:12.000 Like, if you were going to sell this pickle, would you say it's good, easy to swallow?
00:20:17.000 I'm not going to do this.
00:20:18.000 You're not?
00:20:19.000 I'm just asking you a question.
00:20:21.000 Some pickles can be, like, pickle to throw.
00:20:23.000 Sweet?
00:20:23.000 Salty?
00:20:24.000 It's not good size?
00:20:25.000 It's not fiery pickles?
00:20:26.000 Like, yeah.
00:20:27.000 Like, is it a handful?
00:20:29.000 Easy to eat? 0.99
00:20:30.000 Just eat your pickle, you weirdo. 0.98
00:20:31.000 All right. 1.00
00:20:34.000 I felt like the best thing to do was to shut up.
00:20:37.000 Why? 0.60
00:20:37.000 Did you hear about this monkey crash? 0.60
00:20:39.000 I did hear about the monkey crash.
00:20:40.000 Yes.
00:20:41.000 Are you a fan of monkeys?
00:20:42.000 I'm more of an ape dude, but monkeys aren't bad. 0.59
00:20:45.000 The friends monkey, pretty cool guy.
00:20:46.000 Friends monkey's a cool dude.
00:20:48.000 I agree.
00:20:48.000 You like monkeys, Charles?
00:20:49.000 I'm more of an ape dude?
00:20:51.000 We like, you know, we explore that a little.
00:20:55.000 Gorillas, awesome.
00:20:56.000 In the mist.
00:20:57.000 Okay, yeah.
00:20:57.000 Sign language.
00:20:58.000 Have you seen The Congo?
00:21:01.000 That movie is awesome.
00:21:01.000 It's not The Congo, it's just Congo.
00:21:03.000 I think the movie's called The Congo?
00:21:06.000 I don't know.
00:21:06.000 I think it's just Congo.
00:21:07.000 I think it's Congo.
00:21:08.000 It should be called The Congo. 1.00
00:21:10.000 That's how old people talk. 1.00
00:21:11.000 They're like, I was watching The Congo.
00:21:13.000 Yeah.
00:21:13.000 Or anytime they're watching TV.
00:21:14.000 And I posted about it on the Facebook.
00:21:16.000 Yeah, I'm trying to watch my stories.
00:21:18.000 That's one.
00:21:19.000 I'm just watching my stories.
00:21:21.000 Grandma's stories about people that don't have jobs that stay home.
00:21:24.000 Days of our lives.
00:21:25.000 If you use the term my stories, chances are you're gonna die in an old folks home of COVID. 1.00
00:21:30.000 Soon.
00:21:31.000 In New York.
00:21:31.000 I'm just watching my stories.
00:21:33.000 Everything hurts.
00:21:35.000 Those places?
00:21:37.000 Uh, old folks homes? 0.99
00:21:38.000 A lot of sex, did you know that? 0.95
00:21:40.000 I heard that, it's like high school. 0.62
00:21:41.000 You got Viagra to keep the guys from rolling out of beds, it's like a kickstand, but then they're like, well I gotta do something with this.
00:21:48.000 Isn't that crazy?
00:21:49.000 Is that why they smell so weird?
00:21:50.000 It probably is, yeah.
00:21:53.000 It's also why there's plastic on all the furniture.
00:21:56.000 You thought it was the other reason, it's not.
00:21:59.000 It's not dust in the air, it's just what's What if you did, you remember the show Room Raiders on MTV?
00:22:05.000 Yeah.
00:22:05.000 What if you room raided like an old folks home?
00:22:09.000 And there's like slow motion sloths banging pretty much.
00:22:12.000 Just heart attacks.
00:22:14.000 Time to bring out the blacklight for Ethel. 0.93
00:22:18.000 I'm falling!
00:22:20.000 Help! 0.98
00:22:21.000 My Nana was in an old folks home. 0.96
00:22:22.000 I loved her, but it was one of those places where it's like you just had to keep telling her how much you liked it.
00:22:27.000 And so she believed it and would repeat it.
00:22:29.000 No, I like it here.
00:22:30.000 It's wonderful.
00:22:31.000 The beatings are fantastic.
00:22:33.000 Yes, the Crip gang member only punches me for dinner. 0.97
00:22:37.000 Every other orderly's Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore.
00:22:39.000 Why'd you make me do this?
00:22:40.000 You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.
00:22:44.000 Oh, your fingers hurt.
00:22:45.000 Now you pulled Lance back from duty.
00:22:47.000 Now your back's gonna hurt. 0.97
00:22:50.000 All monkeys.
00:22:52.000 Are now accounted for in the crash, by the way.
00:22:54.000 Oh, thank goodness, man.
00:22:57.000 Crates of monkeys were scattered across Route 54 following the crash.
00:23:01.000 I don't know if people saw this.
00:23:03.000 Just all those crates of monkeys.
00:23:07.000 That's terrible!
00:23:08.000 boxed?
00:23:09.000 How else is Amazon Prime supposed to deliver them, Dave?
00:23:18.000 They were just all over train tracks in Los Angeles.
00:23:20.000 We don't want this thing, jeez.
00:23:22.000 Why are they in boxes?
00:23:23.000 It's another monkey, guys! 1.00
00:23:27.000 Here's your sex monkey! 1.00
00:23:31.000 Sign here, here. 1.00
00:23:32.000 They're like bananas.
00:23:35.000 Alright, so, um, crates were scattered all over the place.
00:23:39.000 Of the 100 monkeys on board, three initially escaped.
00:23:43.000 Luckily, thanks to our brave first responders, the final monkey was captured.
00:23:48.000 We actually have footage of the incident.
00:23:50.000 That's Ross Geller's monkey.
00:24:14.000 It definitely is a friend.
00:24:15.000 That's your monkey! 1.00
00:24:17.000 Wait, Matt LeBlanc was in a movie with a monkey.
00:24:19.000 He was in Friends with Ross.
00:24:22.000 Yeah, he was in, well, the movie, I think it was called Joe, it was him and an ape that plays baseball.
00:24:28.000 Oh.
00:24:28.000 Not to be confused with any one of the Golden Retriever movies, such as the Golden Receiver.
00:24:34.000 The ape that plays baseball. 0.75
00:24:36.000 There's actually two golden receivers, one is not legal.
00:24:40.000 Oh boy.
00:24:41.000 What?
00:24:43.000 What is more concerning?
00:24:44.000 Help! 0.98
00:24:45.000 That was the Ross, that was the friend's monkey, right?
00:24:48.000 It was the friend's monkey, you're 100% right.
00:24:49.000 I don't want to say they all look the same, but the kind animals kind of do.
00:24:52.000 Like penguins, it's like, I don't know.
00:24:55.000 If I met one penguin, I'd be like, I just met that guy.
00:24:57.000 Wouldn't you say, though, that the three monkeys that survived a car accident and escaped their boxes were like, yeah, you get to go.
00:25:04.000 Yeah.
00:25:05.000 You're free.
00:25:06.000 Like, oh, thank God we got them back.
00:25:07.000 No, the three monkeys were living free lives.
00:25:09.000 It should be like The Fugitive.
00:25:10.000 Yeah, but these were lab monkeys.
00:25:12.000 Well, it doesn't matter.
00:25:13.000 I mean, they've been infected with AIDS, but other than that... Yeah, that's... It is a prison bus tipping over.
00:25:21.000 Like, maybe they should be on a Con Air monkey plane.
00:25:25.000 Tommy Lee Jones is on the way.
00:25:26.000 Yeah, he's like, I gotta find him.
00:25:29.000 Come on, Doctor.
00:25:30.000 Every hen house, monkey house, dog house.
00:25:32.000 Doctor Monkey Kimble.
00:25:36.000 Doctor John Monkey Kimble.
00:25:38.000 Oh, man.
00:25:39.000 What is more concerning, though, is a woman stopped to help the truck driver and ended up touching one of the, what is that word?
00:25:47.000 Macaques.
00:25:50.000 Is that real?
00:25:51.000 She stopped and touched macaques.
00:25:59.000 Even worse, she forgot her phone posting on Facebook.
00:26:06.000 So I was behind a truck who had 100 monkeys and was hit by a dumpster truck.
00:26:13.000 Four monkeys escaped, one guy had to go to the hospital, and I forgot my cell phone.
00:26:20.000 That's a good lead-in.
00:26:21.000 It's so sad.
00:26:23.000 Very descriptive. 0.99
00:26:24.000 We need a picture to prove it, liar. 1.00
00:26:28.000 Wow, what an idiot. 1.00
00:26:29.000 Alright, so the monkey... The woman apparently thought the monkeys were... cats? 1.00
00:26:36.000 Eyewitness News spoke with a woman who witnessed the unusual story unfold right in front of her eyes.
00:26:43.000 They had this like green cloth over so I pull it back and I go to stick my finger in there to try to pet it and it pops its head up and I'm like, oh, it's a monkey.
00:26:51.000 So I was like, I'm shocked.
00:26:54.000 So I walked over to the guy and I'm like, they're not cats.
00:26:57.000 They're monkeys.
00:26:57.000 He goes, they're what?
00:26:58.000 I'm like, they're monkeys.
00:27:00.000 Yeah, that makes sense.
00:27:01.000 You're trying to jam your finger in a cat.
00:27:05.000 I went over to finger a cat, and it was a monkey!
00:27:09.000 I didn't know!
00:27:10.000 Monkeys!
00:27:10.000 Monkey!
00:27:11.000 If you were to imagine a lady that would stick her finger in a monkey cage, would it come up any different than exactly what she looks like? 1.00
00:27:17.000 Only the best and brightest, folks.
00:27:19.000 Yeah, she definitely looks like a woman who would try to stick her finger in a monkey cage. 1.00
00:27:24.000 It turned out to be going, ooh-ah-ah, and I thought about it, and I remembered, that's not meow. 0.99
00:27:31.000 What a dunce. 0.98
00:27:32.000 Alright, so... He's like, yes, it says monkey on the box, ma'am. 0.99
00:27:37.000 Right here, big letters.
00:27:39.000 I have never looked at a cat in my life and said, is that a monkey?
00:27:43.000 I think it's a spider monkey, I can't tell.
00:27:46.000 Either that or Garfield.
00:27:47.000 Oh, it threw feces at me, never mind. 0.98
00:27:49.000 Okay, I know what it is now.
00:27:50.000 Have you ever pet a monkey?
00:27:52.000 An ape!
00:27:53.000 Yeah, chimpanzee.
00:27:54.000 Again, I'm telling you, apes rule. 1.00
00:27:56.000 Yeah, have you ever pet a monkey?
00:27:59.000 I don't think so.
00:28:00.000 That's weird.
00:28:02.000 Why is that weird?
00:28:03.000 No.
00:28:06.000 Why is it weird you don't go to monkey petting zoos?
00:28:11.000 Those pickles do look good.
00:28:12.000 I'm going to get a little further away from the mic.
00:28:13.000 You love those pickles.
00:28:14.000 You're crunching on those bad boys over there.
00:28:17.000 You can hear the crunch and the slurp.
00:28:19.000 They're good.
00:28:20.000 They're good pickles.
00:28:21.000 I mean, I usually don't eat pickles, but if I was going to... Why not?
00:28:23.000 I don't know.
00:28:24.000 Pickles are great.
00:28:25.000 Stop it.
00:28:25.000 Well, I just don't usually eat them alone like you do.
00:28:29.000 I mean just the pickle, not like you're alone at home eating pickles.
00:28:32.000 Crying?
00:28:35.000 Crying as I eat my pickles, Dave?
00:28:37.000 I told you that in confidence.
00:28:39.000 I cry when I eat anything.
00:28:41.000 Mainly ice cream.
00:28:43.000 And I just think, when's my prom date coming?
00:28:46.000 I guess never, so... Sadly.
00:28:50.000 Three monkeys in the story did have to be euthanized.
00:28:54.000 You missed an important thing.
00:28:56.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:28:57.000 Oh, did she?
00:28:57.000 Oh, I forgot.
00:28:58.000 Let's go back.
00:28:59.000 Well, she ended up having to go to the emergency room after developing pink eye and a cough from fingering the monkey.
00:29:07.000 Pink eye and a cough? 0.94
00:29:11.000 That's not gonna be pink eye and a cough.
00:29:13.000 That's Ebola. 0.99
00:29:14.000 She's like, oh, that was a monkey's butt I just stuck my finger in. 1.00
00:29:17.000 I can't believe that. 0.99
00:29:18.000 Oh, jeez.
00:29:19.000 Now I got the pink eye all over again.
00:29:22.000 Every time.
00:29:24.000 Oh, she got the monkey pox variant.
00:29:27.000 Oh my lord.
00:29:28.000 She's gotta have something terrible, right?
00:29:30.000 No, no, no, no.
00:29:31.000 It's not quite as bad as the Omnicron. 0.95
00:29:34.000 Is it not?
00:29:34.000 Are they gonna let her in and be like, look, we know you're petting monkeys, you look very sick, but, you know.
00:29:39.000 No. 0.97
00:29:39.000 We're just gonna put her with other old people that have also shoved their face in monkeys' butts. 0.97
00:29:44.000 Yeah, and just see what happens. 0.97
00:29:45.000 Just to ensure, you know, the best outcome.
00:29:47.000 Hey guys, I have pink eye, don't you want it too?
00:29:50.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77
00:29:51.000 I got eyes that itch.
00:29:52.000 I thought them was cats. 0.98
00:29:54.000 My butt itches. 0.99
00:29:55.000 Wait, she's from Pennsylvania, why does she sound like that? 1.00
00:29:58.000 Because she's an idiot? 1.00
00:29:59.000 I don't know, I mean... No, no, she does. 1.00
00:30:01.000 I mean, it's a good accent, I just don't have to... They're monkeys.
00:30:04.000 I feel like she told the driver that.
00:30:06.000 And I'm like, I think he knows.
00:30:08.000 She looks like Alice Cooper after he died.
00:30:12.000 Drowning in a tub.
00:30:15.000 She got that Mitch McConnell?
00:30:16.000 Yeah she had that chin, where she was like, I was petting the monkeys and now my eyes burn.
00:30:22.000 Those are not cats!
00:30:24.000 I got a rash, there's a rash where I put my finger in it.
00:30:28.000 I should be always petting stuff before I know what it is.
00:30:33.000 Why would there be a truckload of cats?
00:30:35.000 Why would there be a truckload of monkeys?
00:30:38.000 That makes more sense to me!
00:30:39.000 How does that make more sense?
00:30:40.000 We do research on those.
00:30:41.000 What is this thing going to PetSmart or something?
00:30:43.000 Well, we do research on monkeys, but why are they just driving through Pennsylvania?
00:30:48.000 Is there a big testing facility?
00:30:50.000 It's a common misconception.
00:30:51.000 They weren't driving.
00:30:52.000 Somebody else was driving.
00:30:53.000 Oh, my bad.
00:30:54.000 I thought Matt LeBlanc was in Shotgun. 0.55
00:30:57.000 That's why it crashed, you got a monkey driving.
00:30:59.000 It was Bill Murray, don't drive angry.
00:31:01.000 Alright?
00:31:02.000 That's a great Nicolas Cage movie.
00:31:04.000 It really is, yeah.
00:31:06.000 Monkeys.
00:31:07.000 Monkey eyes.
00:31:08.000 Nicolas Cage.
00:31:11.000 Monkeys.
00:31:13.000 On a plane. 0.99
00:31:16.000 Criminal monkeys. 0.95
00:31:17.000 I would love to watch Nicolas Cage movies where he just kills monkeys and you don't even know why. 0.71
00:31:21.000 You're like, they're not even bad.
00:31:23.000 It's like just in a zoo.
00:31:25.000 Were they on their way to like Revlon or Clinique to get... Yes.
00:31:31.000 Just to get lipstick put on them? 0.93
00:31:33.000 Isn't that amazing?
00:31:35.000 For years, we were like, let's put lipstick on monkeys' lips.
00:31:39.000 And then they're like, oh, they're burning the monkey.
00:31:41.000 Ah!
00:31:42.000 Like, why would you test makeup like that?
00:31:44.000 I thought they just screeched like that for fun, like to communicate and stuff?
00:31:47.000 It's just weird what we've done to animals.
00:31:49.000 Wow.
00:31:49.000 It's better us, or better them than us, sorry.
00:31:52.000 It's why I don't eat meat.
00:31:53.000 That's not true at all.
00:31:54.000 I know, I eat meat all the time.
00:31:55.000 Yes, you do.
00:31:56.000 I just like dogs. 0.99
00:31:57.000 If you're not a dog, I'll eat you. 1.00
00:31:59.000 Anyway. 0.98
00:32:00.000 Wait.
00:32:00.000 What?
00:32:02.000 You like... I don't get it.
00:32:04.000 I need a monkey. 1.00
00:32:05.000 I think we should probably move on from Dave being eaten.
00:32:07.000 You would need a monkey? 0.99
00:32:09.000 You would never eat a monkey.
00:32:10.000 By a dinosaur.
00:32:10.000 You didn't try a monkey?
00:32:11.000 He's more of a pickle guy.
00:32:13.000 I... Gerald does love pickles.
00:32:14.000 I do love pickles.
00:32:15.000 So! 0.81
00:32:16.000 We do want to go... Alright, we'll move on.
00:32:18.000 Fine, fine.
00:32:18.000 Sorry.
00:32:18.000 I didn't mean to derail everything by talking about that I like to eat meat.
00:32:23.000 Sadly, three monkeys did have to be put down.
00:32:27.000 They were euthanized.
00:32:28.000 Two had dirt on the clintons, like I said, and the third one went bananas and shot himself.
00:32:34.000 Thank you!
00:32:36.000 Thank you.
00:32:37.000 Best joke ever.
00:32:38.000 Oh my.
00:32:39.000 Oh, thank you.
00:32:51.000 Thank you.
00:32:53.000 Fastest man on his feet.
00:32:55.000 That's right.
00:32:55.000 That is the best joke ever award, which is a... A smooth man.
00:33:01.000 A naked man with no balls. 1.00
00:33:03.000 Made of gold. 1.00
00:33:08.000 The best joke ever.
00:33:09.000 Award.
00:33:10.000 Best.
00:33:11.000 Dude, your desk is getting kind of crowded.
00:33:13.000 It really is.
00:33:14.000 I have a lot of stuff.
00:33:16.000 It's like, I don't know what I want to put in my mouth first.
00:33:18.000 The bars, the gun, the guy.
00:33:23.000 This is a busy desk.
00:33:28.000 I got pipes over here.
00:33:30.000 You got several mugs going on, you got stuff to write with, though I'm not sure you're using it.
00:33:35.000 I do like these mugs.
00:33:36.000 You have mugs of water and yet you have a bottle of water on your desk.
00:33:41.000 You know what?
00:33:42.000 Water is not a sponsor today.
00:33:44.000 Water's not a sponsor?
00:33:45.000 No.
00:33:45.000 Pickles is the sponsor.
00:33:46.000 Pickles.
00:33:47.000 It's Big Pickle, man.
00:33:48.000 Well you're the one that brought it in, loving these pickles.
00:33:51.000 I don't know what it's all about.
00:33:53.000 Go pickle.
00:33:54.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:33:56.000 Delayed slurp, ahoy.
00:33:58.000 About an hour?
00:34:00.000 Look, we're not going to get off this monkey topic because it's important.
00:34:04.000 Fauci likes his monkeys.
00:34:06.000 Speaking of...
00:34:08.000 Did you know that Morgan Island- Not my island.
00:34:11.000 No, not Gerald Morgan.
00:34:13.000 Gerald A. Did you know that Gerald Morgan Island- No!
00:34:18.000 In South Carolina has been nicknamed Monkey Island because it's full of monkeys?
00:34:25.000 Oh my god.
00:34:26.000 What?
00:34:26.000 That just makes common sense.
00:34:30.000 All the monkeys on the island are owned by the NIH and are subjected to Fauci experiments.
00:34:38.000 Animals and animal experiments are not right or left.
00:34:41.000 This is an issue that can bring both sides of the aisle together.
00:34:45.000 Morgan Island, also known locally as Monkey Island, growing up in South Carolina's low country, we always thought this was a retirement home or sanctuary.
00:34:53.000 For primates or monkeys that have been used in experiments?
00:34:56.000 We'll come to find out after White Coat Waste did a FOIA request and gathered documentation.
00:35:02.000 They're taking approximately 600 primates and monkeys and using them on scientific gruesome and barbaric experiments, much like the puppies that, by the way, Dr. Fauci never responded to our letter about the beagle puppies.
00:35:16.000 So I might have to rename this island from Monkey Island to Fauci Island just to get a response on these things.
00:35:22.000 Um, it's crazy, it's barbaric, it's gruesome, and it's gotta end.
00:35:27.000 Fauci also made a different group of lab monkeys trans and gave them AIDS, you know, for science. 0.95
00:35:34.000 For science.
00:35:34.000 We did not.
00:35:35.000 It's right on the website of what NIH funds.
00:35:38.000 They take male monkeys, they put them in metal boxes, that's where they're forced to live, they subject them to hormone, so-called hormone treatment, and from that they're supposed to learn something about HIV transmission.
00:35:52.000 Now, never mind that monkeys don't actually contract HIV, they don't actually develop AIDS, this is a study that could be done with human volunteers, and we might actually find something out that would help human beings.
00:36:06.000 Wow, that's strange because I thought that monkey did have AIDS because he was offered a new sitcom on CBS, Two and a Half Monkeys.
00:36:15.000 He was also offered a spot on CNN.
00:36:20.000 Okay, well I was referring to... He's taking over Cuomo's old spot.
00:36:23.000 Is that what he's doing?
00:36:24.000 Okay, I thought it was something about that.
00:36:26.000 Co-hosting with Brian Stelter.
00:36:27.000 Yeah, Brian Stelzer, though, I know is not... Well, you know I don't.
00:36:31.000 A monkey.
00:36:32.000 Totally straight.
00:36:32.000 He's not a monkey.
00:36:33.000 100% hetero.
00:36:36.000 If I had to bet on one of those two things, it's not a monkey.
00:36:40.000 So, let's talk about some movies.
00:36:42.000 You guys like movies?
00:36:42.000 I do like movies.
00:36:43.000 Watched them before.
00:36:43.000 Love them.
00:36:45.000 Have you seen them?
00:36:45.000 I've seen movies.
00:36:46.000 Is movies a sponsor?
00:36:47.000 No, movies is not a sponsor, but I enjoy talking a little pop culture.
00:36:51.000 A little pop culture.
00:36:51.000 There we go.
00:36:53.000 Right?
00:36:54.000 That's right, big guy.
00:36:56.000 Best joke ever trophies on your desk, not mine.
00:36:58.000 Sorry, my bad.
00:36:59.000 It's going in my bathroom.
00:37:00.000 What happened? So China edited Fight Club. 0.99
00:37:07.000 I don't know if you guys saw this.
00:37:08.000 Chinese streaming platform Tencent Video has released Fight Club, but gave it a slightly different ending.
00:37:16.000 Instead of Tyler Durden killing his alter ego, China's version ends like this. 0.99
00:37:22.000 You shot yourself?
00:37:24.000 Yes, but it's okay.
00:37:25.000 Marla, look at me.
00:37:27.000 I'm really okay.
00:37:29.000 Trust me.
00:37:31.000 Everything's gonna be fine.
00:37:33.000 Through the clue provided by Tyler the police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals
00:37:44.000 successfully preventing the bomb from exploding.
00:37:47.000 After the trial, Tyler was sent to a lunatic asylum receiving psychological treatment.
00:37:53.000 He was discharged from treatment in 2012.
00:37:58.000 It's 100% real!
00:38:00.000 We didn't do that.
00:38:01.000 No joke.
00:38:03.000 You see the editing?
00:38:04.000 It's like, okay, what was the bright flash in the background of the building across the way exploding then?
00:38:10.000 Cut it before! 1.00
00:38:11.000 Well, that's the part that I love.
00:38:13.000 The giant bomb going off in the back, they pause it, and they're like, that's when the cops come in!
00:38:19.000 And they stop the bomb from exploding!
00:38:21.000 Yes, even that one in the midst of exploding!
00:38:25.000 They're watching the second tower go down and they're like, that's when they stopped Al-Qaeda.
00:38:33.000 And this isn't even the first time China has revised Hollywood, as we know they've done a lot of stuff.
00:38:37.000 Like in the new Top Gun movie, Maverick's bomber jacket was changed to remove the Taiwanese and Japanese flags.
00:38:44.000 Ah, because Taiwan doesn't exist.
00:38:45.000 We know why they did that to Japan.
00:38:45.000 That's correct.
00:38:47.000 And in the Oscar-winning...
00:38:50.000 Williamian Rhapsody.
00:38:52.000 Freddie Mercury, not gay. 0.88
00:38:55.000 What?
00:38:55.000 Really?
00:38:56.000 Yeah.
00:38:56.000 Did they edit the entire movie out?
00:38:58.000 They did.
00:38:59.000 It's actually, it's eight minutes long, and it's called Freddie Didn't Get Fingered.
00:39:09.000 But they did.
00:39:09.000 They deleted the scene where he kissed his boyfriend.
00:39:11.000 Uh-huh.
00:39:11.000 They cut out a close-up of Freddy's crotch.
00:39:15.000 Uh-huh. 0.94
00:39:16.000 They deleted the first scene where Freddy's girlfriend tells him he's gay.
00:39:19.000 It's okay.
00:39:20.000 Actually, the word gay isn't allowed anywhere in the movie.
00:39:24.000 And they cut out the scene where Freddy dresses as a woman to film I Wanna Break Free.
00:39:24.000 Happy.
00:39:30.000 So what it is is actually, like I said, it's a few minutes long.
00:39:34.000 It's just Wimbledon where he's doing the least effeminate dancing.
00:39:38.000 It's just Remy Malek sitting there doing... Yeah.
00:39:41.000 Right?
00:39:42.000 Where he's not, like, making love to a microphone, basically.
00:39:45.000 They actually just show the bassist.
00:39:47.000 Yeah.
00:39:53.000 Count him as the singer.
00:39:54.000 Well, and the problem does persist today.
00:39:55.000 Like, this is a real thing.
00:39:56.000 Like, China does change a lot of their movies because they're a major box office, and a lot of times America gets blamed for this racism, which is actually not us at all.
00:40:05.000 Well, before we look at this, you've got to understand why.
00:40:07.000 Like, last year, China actually overtook North America as the biggest box office in the world, so you've got to do what you've got to do to get the movies in there, because they have, like, a cap on movies.
00:40:16.000 No, you don't!
00:40:17.000 I don't agree with it, but it is a fact.
00:40:20.000 Also, to finance movies, they finance them through foreign sales.
00:40:25.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:26.000 They sell the movie in foreign markets before they even start making it.
00:40:29.000 Oh, absolutely.
00:40:30.000 And tons of the studios are co-financed by Chinese companies.
00:40:34.000 We all hate it.
00:40:34.000 I hate this.
00:40:35.000 Well, because we... I don't hate that we make movies that work for different markets.
00:40:39.000 I don't mind that.
00:40:40.000 I don't even mind that you make movies for other markets.
00:40:42.000 No big deal there.
00:40:43.000 I hate that you change The movie's around completely in the country that allowed you to be able to do this in the first place and kind of help launch this industry globally in the first place to appease other markets, but you don't do stuff for us.
00:40:55.000 It's like, Oh, we're going to take the Taiwan flag and the Japanese flag.
00:40:59.000 Like I get, okay.
00:41:00.000 I know you hate Taiwan.
00:41:01.000 We've, we've known that for a long time, but the Japanese flag off his jacket.
00:41:04.000 Why are you doing that?
00:41:05.000 No, it's, it really is crazy.
00:41:07.000 It's just sad because it is still a real country, right?
00:41:10.000 Okay.
00:41:11.000 Can we get John Cena online?
00:41:12.000 Make sure Japan's. 1.00
00:41:14.000 Yeah, well John Cena does a lot for them.
00:41:15.000 I mean, according to him, Taiwan, not real.
00:41:19.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:41:19.000 Not real at all.
00:41:20.000 Big mistake on his part.
00:41:22.000 He apologized profusely in Mandarin.
00:41:24.000 He did, because, and by the way, very broken Mandarin, but I was just happy to know that he speaks it. 1.00
00:41:30.000 Not frightening at all.
00:41:31.000 This is a guy who used to go to hospitals and see children and do good things, and now he's like, Taiwan's not real, give me money.
00:41:39.000 Well, I think John Cena, actually, if we translated it, he was just yelling, that, that, that, that, right?
00:41:43.000 Yeah, and we're not gonna go, he's not speaking.
00:41:47.000 But Gerald, like maybe a speck of bright news, Spider-Man, huge movie, right?
00:41:52.000 Yes.
00:41:52.000 Biggest movie.
00:41:53.000 It actually didn't even open in China because they didn't bow to the censorship and they still got huge box office numbers.
00:41:59.000 See?
00:41:59.000 Massive.
00:42:00.000 You can make good movies that aren't crappy.
00:42:02.000 It's like, what, top ten right now?
00:42:04.000 Yeah, it's definitely the biggest movie the last two or three years by far.
00:42:07.000 And it's good.
00:42:08.000 It's top three.
00:42:09.000 I think it goes Star Wars, and then Avengers Endgame, and then Spider-Man.
00:42:13.000 Yeah, because it's a good movie, too.
00:42:15.000 I went and saw it with my son.
00:42:17.000 What is this?
00:42:18.000 Spider-Man what?
00:42:19.000 No Way Home.
00:42:19.000 No Way Home.
00:42:19.000 Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:42:20.000 See how much I pay attention to Spider-Man movies?
00:42:23.000 Yeah, but it's like all of them coming together.
00:42:25.000 And as a Sam Raimi fan, being from Detroit, I like the fact that they They're all pretty good.
00:42:31.000 I mean, Studio messed with Spider-Man 3 that Sam Raimi did.
00:42:35.000 There's some flaws in there, but they're all decent.
00:42:38.000 I didn't hate them, I just thought the Avengers stuff was better.
00:42:40.000 It's not like the Hulk Ang Lee one, or the Hulk, any of them, or the guy who plays the Hulk in the new one who's just a... He's lovely.
00:42:49.000 Ruffalo.
00:42:50.000 And I used to like Mark Ruffalo.
00:42:52.000 I prefer the one where Tyler Durden is Hulk.
00:42:55.000 I mean, fantastic.
00:42:57.000 Yeah, that one's pretty good.
00:42:58.000 Brad Pitt played the Hulk?
00:42:58.000 No, no, no, the actual Tyler Durden at the end, not the crazy part.
00:43:01.000 Edward Norton.
00:43:02.000 Before he called the cops.
00:43:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:04.000 Yes.
00:43:04.000 Before the bomb- Well, that one is the superior film.
00:43:08.000 I mean, it's the best.
00:43:10.000 I like Edward Norton. 0.97
00:43:11.000 I hear he's not a dick. 0.95
00:43:16.000 Not that I would say that. 0.95
00:43:17.000 That's what other people say.
00:43:18.000 That's what other people say.
00:43:19.000 But the problem does persist today.
00:43:22.000 It does.
00:43:22.000 And I think it's important.
00:43:23.000 They do have some new movies coming out that I think we should show.
00:43:26.000 One is Not Black Panther.
00:43:30.000 There's the poster.
00:43:30.000 Is that John Cena?
00:43:32.000 That is John Cena.
00:43:32.000 He's going to be the star.
00:43:34.000 It's pretty good. 0.61
00:43:35.000 It's about a guy who's not black.
00:43:40.000 There's another movie laying in the brain if you want to go ahead and take this one.
00:43:43.000 So they're actually re-releasing Les Miserables and this time it tells a true story.
00:43:48.000 At the end, Jean Valjean, instead of dying, actually wakes up and he realizes it was all just a nightmare and the French Revolution never happened.
00:43:55.000 Right.
00:43:56.000 And don't look on Google because you definitely won't find any searches of it happening ever, ever in history, ever.
00:44:02.000 So revolution, revolution, bad.
00:44:05.000 It doesn't exist.
00:44:06.000 It does not exist.
00:44:07.000 It's not a real thing.
00:44:08.000 It's a figment of your imagination.
00:44:09.000 Never think about revolting.
00:44:11.000 Especially in 1989.
00:44:12.000 Right.
00:44:13.000 Didn't happen then.
00:44:14.000 No.
00:44:14.000 Nothing happened then.
00:44:15.000 No.
00:44:15.000 Do we have a clip?
00:44:40.000 Yeah.
00:44:41.000 Is that really what they put up?
00:44:42.000 Totally.
00:44:44.000 Come on, really?
00:44:44.000 I mean, it could be.
00:44:48.000 No, we wrote that yesterday, but... Fight Club, Fight Club was real.
00:44:51.000 Fight Club was real, okay.
00:44:53.000 Well, yeah, Fight Club was real.
00:44:54.000 This could be real, I'm not gonna, I don't know.
00:44:56.000 I mean, this isn't out of the realm of possibility.
00:44:57.000 I'm pretty sure Not Black Panther is real, like if you watch the movie.
00:45:01.000 I don't know, I knew that was, I didn't even ask.
00:45:02.000 It's just called Panther.
00:45:04.000 In the real Black Panther in China, they don't take his mask off in the poster because they don't want you to know who he is.
00:45:08.000 I know, yeah, yeah.
00:45:09.000 They leave the mask, yeah.
00:45:11.000 There's plenty of hate there.
00:45:14.000 I'm just going to leave that up.
00:45:15.000 Keep guessing, guys.
00:45:16.000 I know it's Panther and it says Black Panther and the suit is black, but what is it?
00:45:21.000 It's John Cena!
00:45:26.000 It's Jet Li!
00:45:29.000 I think you should cover this next one.
00:45:30.000 You're a very Christian guy.
00:45:32.000 Yes, yes.
00:45:33.000 You're probably more offended by this.
00:45:35.000 Right, right.
00:45:35.000 Mel Gibson wants more blood in movies and so they wanted to be able to release this in China.
00:45:40.000 So it's passion of the Confucius.
00:45:42.000 Yes.
00:45:43.000 We are the people of the world. We are the people of the world. We are the people of the world.
00:46:00.000 We are the people of the world.
00:46:22.000 He disrespect father.
00:46:23.000 Oh, you gotta put it back up.
00:46:24.000 Yeah, we gotta do what it says for audio listeners.
00:46:27.000 I wanna read it for you guys, for the audio people.
00:46:29.000 That's okay, but we'll just... You know what?
00:46:32.000 Screw it.
00:46:33.000 He disrespect Faza. 0.88
00:46:35.000 He disrespect Faza. 0.73
00:46:37.000 He never come back.
00:46:38.000 No arrive again.
00:46:39.000 No resurrection for you.
00:46:41.000 China number one!
00:46:42.000 There went our last Chinese fan.
00:46:44.000 I thought that was pretty close.
00:46:46.000 The last Christian fan. 0.80
00:46:51.000 In our demographics, we had one Chinese, one Christian, and they're gone. 1.00
00:46:54.000 Gone, both of you.
00:46:56.000 There's one Chinese throwing his laptop out a window.
00:46:58.000 I mean, come on, we all have accents! 0.95
00:47:01.000 Yes, chugging it out of a window and accidentally killing a monkey.
00:47:04.000 It's like, oh, they escaped again.
00:47:07.000 Ah, I better go down and finger it.
00:47:10.000 So The Sixth Sense is my favorite ending that they changed.
00:47:14.000 It is, yeah.
00:47:16.000 Let's take a gander.
00:47:17.000 You guys remember that?
00:47:17.000 The M. Night Shy Llama Llama Ding Dong classic?
00:47:21.000 I knew it.
00:47:23.000 What is it?
00:47:23.000 Why did you leave me?
00:47:27.000 I didn't leave you.
00:47:28.000 I see people.
00:47:35.000 I see people. They don't know they're dead. Bruce Willis was Chinese the whole time. 1.00
00:48:01.000 Ha ha, trick you!
00:48:07.000 I remember that ending.
00:48:08.000 The whole movie, you're like, he was Chinese the whole time! 1.00
00:48:11.000 I knew it from the very beginning.
00:48:12.000 I knew he was Chinese.
00:48:14.000 Well, we do have to get out of here in a minute, but let's see what we got here.
00:48:17.000 We have one more thing.
00:48:19.000 I think we got it.
00:48:20.000 Oh! 0.60
00:48:21.000 Yes, indeed. 0.60
00:48:22.000 The Portland Pickle accused of exposing his dickle.
00:48:26.000 The Portland Pickle recently took over a baseball team's Twitter account.
00:48:30.000 How exciting!
00:48:32.000 But this time, his social media connoisseur took a turn right after his first tweet.
00:48:36.000 With the image, if you want to go ahead and show it.
00:48:39.000 They wrote, new phone, who dis? 0.54
00:48:42.000 Is this why you've been sucking on pickles the whole show?
00:48:45.000 No, I just prefer pickles and I was trusting my co-workers. 0.99
00:48:51.000 We had the mascot there and you have just been sucking on pickles the whole show.
00:48:56.000 I've actually been covering my face and eating pickles.
00:49:00.000 Eating.
00:49:00.000 You've been eating the Dickels pickle.
00:49:02.000 No, no, different sponsor.
00:49:04.000 Different sponsor.
00:49:05.000 I mean, we talked about weird perversions yesterday, so it's kind of starting to make sense. 0.69
00:49:08.000 It's weird that all of a sudden today he brings in pickles, tells us outside that he's a sponsor, and he's just sucking on pickles.
00:49:17.000 Eating definitely isn't a euphemism for anything. 0.99
00:49:19.000 No, guys, alright, so if you want to, you can suck on Gerald's Dickel Pickles. 0.98
00:49:23.000 Nope! 0.96
00:49:24.000 They are available at his wine shop. 0.97
00:49:30.000 I hate all of you. 0.96
00:49:30.000 You don't sell them because you want them all in your mouth. 0.96
00:49:33.000 Alright, so... Do me a favor.
00:49:36.000 If you guys like Gerald eating pickles, let us know if you feel that maybe he's repressing something.
00:49:40.000 Go ahead and... He's gonna punch me. 0.94
00:49:44.000 Go ahead and comment, comment, comment.
00:49:46.000 Leave various comments. 0.99
00:49:48.000 You gon' die! 1.00
00:49:50.000 You gon' die. 0.98
00:49:51.000 All right, and remember, go ahead, leave, if you like the, we can do more movies about China, if you like me, come and see my shows. 0.94
00:49:59.000 I have a lot of shows coming up.
00:50:01.000 I want to thank you all for tuning in, but right now we're going to go off to Mug Club for our listeners.
00:50:06.000 Is there anything I'm forgetting?
00:50:07.000 No, they get some free little content, little extra content.
00:50:10.000 Yeah, they get a little extra, and we get some chat.
00:50:13.000 Yeah.
00:50:13.000 Yeah.
00:50:14.000 So ladies and gentlemen, what do we say?