Louder with Crowder - August 21, 2026


I Tried To Kill My Crew


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

144.16

Word count

2,100

Sentence count

293


Transcript

Transcripts from "Louder with Crowder" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
00:00:59.000 Salt, salt.
00:01:07.000 What does overpaying on your taxes feel like?
00:01:13.000 Whoa! Whoa!
00:01:16.000 That was close.
00:01:20.000 Salt.
00:02:11.000 About like that.
00:02:13.000 Don't let the IRS bust your balls.
00:02:14.000 Visit tnusa.com slash Crowder for immediate relief and expert guidance.
00:02:20.000 Ooh.
00:02:27.000 for today Mmm, tepid.
00:02:47.000 Every now and then, right, some days, usually Friday, sometimes you get a life advice.
00:02:54.000 Sometimes you get Gerald apologizes, which we haven't done enough.
00:02:57.000 There's so many sins of the father and of the.
00:03:02.000 Laugh apologies.
00:03:03.000 Just a lot of apologies all around.
00:03:04.000 And then sometimes we have BTS, we're showing behind the scenes.
00:03:07.000 And then sometimes there are things that you guys may, if you're new around here, new around these parts, we have run throughs before every show.
00:03:14.000 And there's a lot of work that goes into every show.
00:03:17.000 And there is a lot of material that sometimes does not, for whatever reason, and sometimes very much should not make the cut and should never see the light of day.
00:03:27.000 So we show it to you anyway.
00:03:28.000 It's time for a scrapyard show.
00:03:32.000 Shortest intro in history.
00:03:36.000 Captain Morgan, CEO, you good?
00:03:37.000 I'm good.
00:03:38.000 How are you?
00:03:38.000 I'm fine.
00:03:39.000 Yeah.
00:03:39.000 Will my facial hair be here?
00:03:40.000 Will it not be here?
00:03:41.000 Who knows?
00:03:41.000 And Josh, not underscore Josh Fire.
00:03:44.000 Josh, wait.
00:03:47.000 Not underscore Fire.
00:03:49.000 Apparently, your plugs got scrapyarded.
00:03:51.000 Come on, Josh underscore Firestar on Instagram.
00:03:54.000 There you go.
00:03:55.000 Go look at my pretty pictures.
00:03:56.000 Yeah.
00:03:57.000 He's an ass model.
00:03:58.000 That's right.
00:04:00.000 One heck of an ass model.
00:04:01.000 So, in these cases, Scrabbit, some of these things, I just warn you, they could be very incomplete because.
00:04:06.000 And offensive.
00:04:07.000 Yes.
00:04:08.000 They could be either offensive.
00:04:09.000 We didn't have enough time to work on them.
00:04:11.000 We didn't think they were good enough.
00:04:13.000 It lacked context.
00:04:15.000 Usually all of the above.
00:04:17.000 So, I'm just going to go back through these.
00:04:19.000 And honestly, I love that we do this.
00:04:21.000 Like, no, we can't.
00:04:22.000 Some of this is actually really good stuff.
00:04:24.000 Is it?
00:04:24.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:25.000 Some of this is really good stuff.
00:04:26.000 And Steven and I have a difference in opinion.
00:04:27.000 Okay.
00:04:28.000 Okay.
00:04:32.000 Oh, the Doge Walker.
00:04:32.000 Remember the Mad Max fat broad?
00:04:34.000 The walking diabetes advertisement.
00:04:38.000 Oh, yeah.
00:04:38.000 So put yourself in the mental state of the fact when we were covering this.
00:04:41.000 We were covering what felt like the 40th No Kings Day protest, and there were a lot of weirdos, obviously.
00:04:46.000 We had jokes about Springsteen, about De Niro.
00:04:49.000 We even had a Photoshop of Tim Walz's would be sniper.
00:04:56.000 Wait, that was on the show, wasn't it?
00:04:57.000 I thought it was.
00:04:58.000 Okay.
00:04:59.000 Yeah, that was on the show.
00:04:59.000 I think it's just like a recap here.
00:05:01.000 Oh, okay.
00:05:02.000 And then someone else, of course, we made fun of quite a bit, if you guys remember, was the Doge Walker.
00:05:07.000 Here's a refresher She paid people, right?
00:05:11.000 Yeah, she did.
00:05:12.000 Yeah, $500 per day.
00:05:13.000 She paid them a living wage.
00:05:15.000 That is.
00:05:16.000 Happening nationwide, no kings.
00:05:18.000 What does no kings protest mean?
00:05:20.000 You know, I think it means that the Dow is over 50,000, so that's what we should be paying attention to right now, okay?
00:05:31.000 But really, we're sick and tired of this administration and all the wrong things.
00:05:41.000 You can always tell that someone is really lazy when their only go to is opposite day sarcasm.
00:05:45.000 Yeah, the Dow is really important.
00:05:47.000 What I mean is not.
00:05:49.000 I mean, it is.
00:05:51.000 What I mean is it's not.
00:05:53.000 The worst part is that last girl obviously has quite the figure.
00:05:58.000 Yeah, but no 401k, apparently.
00:05:59.000 No, exactly.
00:06:01.000 But, but, Doge Walker brings you all down.
00:06:03.000 She gets you into her vortex, her orbit.
00:06:06.000 I don't know if she had a figure or if it's just Doge Walker made you think that looked like a figure.
00:06:11.000 Play that last part again.
00:06:12.000 No, the lady following her, she seems normal.
00:06:16.000 She cuts a nice figure.
00:06:17.000 The one speaking?
00:06:19.000 No, the one walking to him.
00:06:20.000 The last one.
00:06:21.000 Go to the clip and the very last woman.
00:06:23.000 Yeah, the one in the white.
00:06:24.000 Man, she's fine.
00:06:26.000 She's not fine, but she's fine.
00:06:29.000 She's okay.
00:06:30.000 She's okay fine.
00:06:31.000 She's not fine at all.
00:06:33.000 I agree.
00:06:34.000 He's a six.
00:06:35.000 All right.
00:06:36.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:06:38.000 I don't know if that's the same lady, but there's another lady that goes around with her at a different event in a bikini.
00:06:42.000 Yeah.
00:06:43.000 And it doesn't fit.
00:06:45.000 No.
00:06:45.000 No, too small, the bikini.
00:06:47.000 Oh, so she's.
00:06:47.000 Maybe it's an older bikini.
00:06:48.000 Is the bikini too small or is she too large?
00:06:51.000 I like to be kind.
00:06:52.000 Correct.
00:06:52.000 Don't.
00:06:53.000 And say that.
00:06:54.000 Don't.
00:06:54.000 The bikini is too small for her fat, nasty body.
00:06:57.000 Okay, good.
00:06:57.000 There you go.
00:06:59.000 I think there's some.
00:07:00.000 Also too small for mine.
00:07:01.000 Some E. coli on those trunks?
00:07:04.000 Hey, it's a callback.
00:07:06.000 What do you call a woman's bottom of a bikini?
00:07:08.000 Is it a bikini bottom or do you call them trunks?
00:07:09.000 T bottom.
00:07:09.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:07:10.000 That's SpongeBob libs.
00:07:10.000 All right.
00:07:11.000 Also, isn't it stupid that guys's swimsuits have no stretch?
00:07:14.000 Think about that.
00:07:15.000 It's like swimming in jeans.
00:07:17.000 Uh huh.
00:07:17.000 It is, man.
00:07:17.000 Buddy, when you get fat, you find the stretch.
00:07:19.000 Well, I tell you, now that I've got swim trunks with stretch, it's changed my life.
00:07:23.000 So, anyways, we also had some good bits on Doge Walker.
00:07:26.000 We had a few in later shows.
00:07:27.000 I mean, we decided to dine out on that for a while.
00:07:29.000 A little bit.
00:07:29.000 But here's the one that we thought was funny, but it turns out the bit was already done online, like a lot.
00:07:34.000 So, I'll just give it to you anyway.
00:07:36.000 Turns out that this was the setup.
00:07:38.000 Turns out this was just an elaborate ad for the remake of Mad Max Beyond Thunder Thighs.
00:07:44.000 And yeah, sometimes when it's pretty obvious.
00:07:45.000 Yeah.
00:07:47.000 We eat.
00:07:48.000 We eat it on.
00:07:52.000 She'd be eating first.
00:07:54.000 It's just somebody throwing out a cake.
00:07:56.000 No!
00:07:57.000 That movie was bizarre.
00:07:58.000 I started those movies.
00:07:59.000 All right.
00:08:00.000 Okay.
00:08:00.000 Thanks for adding to it.
00:08:01.000 Yeah, help.
00:08:02.000 I don't like it.
00:08:04.000 Scrapyard, people.
00:08:05.000 It's a scrapyard for a reason, Stephen.
00:08:07.000 You're the robot that was dancing?
00:08:09.000 You guys remember that?
00:08:11.000 Which one?
00:08:11.000 Yeah.
00:08:13.000 Every now and then we find a clip where, like, the moment we see it, we know it's going to be put in the show a lot.
00:08:18.000 So.
00:08:19.000 Yeah, how do you not remember that?
00:08:20.000 Are you guys, you guys work here?
00:08:22.000 No, no, there's so much to get a resume.
00:08:24.000 No, that's the point.
00:08:25.000 There's too many.
00:08:26.000 Not that we don't remember.
00:08:27.000 I feel like Seinfeld on with Larry King, where he's like, to be clear, Seinfeld wasn't canceled.
00:08:31.000 He's like, I can't, wasn't, it was the most popular show on earth.
00:08:35.000 Do you know who I am?
00:08:36.000 Jew from Brooklyn.
00:08:39.000 Here's one of the examples the Olivia Chow clip.
00:08:54.000 Whoa.
00:08:54.000 Wait, that's not the dancing chow clip.
00:08:57.000 No, there's more, I think.
00:08:58.000 There's more, but we had the one where she was doing the carnival one, remember?
00:09:01.000 Yeah, yeah, there's a bunch of them.
00:09:02.000 I'm gonna, I'm gonna.
00:09:14.000 Yeah.
00:09:15.000 Well, we loved chow dancing so much that we proceeded to use it wherever we could fit it, whether it was appropriate or not.
00:09:21.000 I'm going to miss this guy.
00:09:22.000 I'm going to miss this guy.
00:09:24.000 There you go.
00:09:24.000 Yeah, that's the one.
00:09:25.000 Yeah.
00:09:27.000 The best was the Sydney Sweeney one, but I think we already.
00:09:29.000 Yeah, we all disagree on the Sydney Sweeney thing.
00:09:31.000 And by that, I mean just me, apparently.
00:09:33.000 I think she's cute.
00:09:33.000 No, I'm saying our.
00:09:35.000 I love you, chow.
00:09:36.000 I just take every opportunity to say.
00:09:37.000 I know, you do.
00:09:38.000 She's okay.
00:09:39.000 You hate Sydney Sweeney.
00:09:40.000 I don't hate Sydney Sweeney.
00:09:41.000 I just.
00:09:42.000 She's fine.
00:09:43.000 So when we came across a clip of a robot that was dancing, we did this in the show, I think.
00:09:47.000 That's the front, yes.
00:09:48.000 In the restaurant.
00:09:48.000 I remember now.
00:09:48.000 Yeah, restaurant.
00:09:50.000 But I don't think we ran this part because we went a different direction.
00:09:52.000 It only felt natural.
00:09:53.000 Natural.
00:09:54.000 Yeah, dude.
00:09:55.000 I'm trying to sound like chow.
00:09:56.000 It felt natural to include.
00:09:59.000 Just watch it.
00:10:04.000 Scratch.
00:10:12.000 I didn't tell you it goes anywhere.
00:10:14.000 I just told you that we have it for you.
00:10:16.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:10:17.000 Don't expect there to be like substance.
00:10:19.000 Yeah.
00:10:19.000 So since it's Scrapyard, that didn't run.
00:10:23.000 Oh, this is what we thought was funny enough to run instead.
00:10:26.000 What is it?
00:10:27.000 It's a, well, like you see in New York, black beats Asian.
00:10:30.000 I don't even know what this means.
00:10:34.000 Hands off me.
00:10:35.000 Oh, that's right.
00:10:37.000 Yeah, I like that one.
00:10:46.000 I like that one.
00:10:52.000 And in this case, what ended up scrapyarded was the less offensive one.
00:10:57.000 So we decided, no, we got to include that one because it's more racist.
00:11:00.000 It's true.
00:11:02.000 What am I going to do?
00:11:03.000 Pass up the opportunity to have a racist robot?
00:11:05.000 No, that'd be crazy, dude.
00:11:06.000 Out of your tree.
00:11:07.000 Can you show this?
00:11:08.000 Against the robot.
00:11:09.000 Then we also, oh, I forgot this was.
00:11:10.000 So a while back, we ran this body cam footage of a beloved mascot getting arrested for identity theft.
00:11:16.000 I have to reset this up for you to get to the list.
00:11:21.000 Can you imagine?
00:11:21.000 Can you imagine?
00:11:23.000 Chucky, no!
00:11:25.000 Go around and ask.
00:11:28.000 Go around.
00:11:29.000 You want me to come from the kids?
00:11:34.000 Okay.
00:11:34.000 Ma'am, who's in the mouse suit?
00:11:36.000 Which is the gentleman that was just up here?
00:11:39.000 Okay.
00:11:40.000 What do you mean, suit?
00:11:42.000 Chucky's a little bit busy, ma'am.
00:11:44.000 Chucky, come with me, Chucky.
00:11:45.000 Come on.
00:11:46.000 I'm with Chucky.
00:11:47.000 Chucky, stop resisting.
00:11:48.000 Stop resisting.
00:11:50.000 Bro, deadass.
00:11:50.000 Let it go.
00:11:51.000 Let it go.
00:11:52.000 Do not cause a scene here, sir.
00:11:59.000 I don't remember.
00:12:00.000 Does he try and run?
00:12:02.000 No, he doesn't run.
00:12:03.000 No.
00:12:05.000 It's just traumatizing for children.
00:12:09.000 He actually has a legitimate claim to it.
00:12:11.000 He can just say, I can't breathe.
00:12:13.000 He should use that.
00:12:14.000 He's in a mascot suit.
00:12:16.000 Did you hear that?
00:12:19.000 Oh, Chucky!
00:12:21.000 No, it's terrible.
00:12:22.000 So bad.
00:12:24.000 It's like when they arrested Santa at Miracle on 34th Street.
00:12:26.000 Isn't that fun?
00:12:29.000 It'd seem like a bit if you were there.
00:12:30.000 I gotcha.
00:12:32.000 I'm working, entertaining kids for a living.
00:12:34.000 I gotcha.
00:12:35.000 I don't know.
00:12:35.000 He says it like he does it out of the kindness of his own heart.
00:12:38.000 Yeah, but with an attitude.
00:12:39.000 Man, you know I'm here for the fucking kids.
00:12:42.000 I hate those little bastards, but I love them.
00:12:45.000 Have a heart, bitch.
00:12:47.000 I mean, yeah, I committed fraud and neglected my own children.
00:12:51.000 Yeah, but I do that on my own time.
00:12:53.000 That's personal time when I commit crimes, motherfucker.
00:12:57.000 I'm being paid.
00:12:59.000 He's a pedophile.
00:13:00.000 What?
00:13:00.000 What?
00:13:01.000 Wow.
00:13:01.000 Whoa.
00:13:01.000 That's quite an asshole.
00:13:03.000 Now, see, here's the thing.
00:13:03.000 We have to scrap yard the scrap yard.
00:13:06.000 That's why we scrap yarded this, because Gerald couldn't get off his pedophile last year.
00:13:10.000 I don't know what you've got nothing but pedophiles on the brain.
00:13:12.000 That's not true.
00:13:13.000 It's just, it's too much of the pedophile brain.
00:13:15.000 So, with a premise like that, obviously, we had loads of bits come out of that clip.
00:13:19.000 So much stuff for that day, though, that we actually had to cut an entire 7 Plus One.
00:13:23.000 Since we don't do Photoshop all the time for the 7 Plus Ones, we just sort of plug them into AI for Scrapyard to see what it gives us.
00:13:32.000 So, none of us have seen these images before.
00:13:35.000 And is that, well, you guys have seen the images.
00:13:36.000 I've seen them all.
00:13:37.000 Yeah, you were grinning before.
00:13:39.000 I said, Do we have Photoshop?
00:13:40.000 I said, We didn't do Photoshop for the 7 Plus Ones.
00:13:43.000 And then Noodle's like, Oh, did we?
00:13:44.000 Well, now I realize you didn't.
00:13:46.000 You just had Grok.
00:13:47.000 What did we go?
00:13:48.000 Did we do Grok or Gemini?
00:13:49.000 We did do Grok.
00:13:50.000 Oh, that'll be even more messed up.
00:13:52.000 So that brings us to this week's seven plus one disapproved fast food mascots.
00:14:02.000 You forgot Sivan in the chamber.
00:14:05.000 This one, I mean, and by the way, when you hear these, these were actually proposed mascots.
00:14:08.000 They were.
00:14:09.000 You could understand why they were built.
00:14:11.000 Number seven.
00:14:13.000 This isn't even a pun.
00:14:15.000 This isn't even like a play on words.
00:14:18.000 It's just seven plus one disapproved fast food mascots.
00:14:23.000 Number seven, the Burger King rapist.
00:14:31.000 You can't refuse to taste.