Nephilim Death Squad - My Fathers Basement

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00:00:30.200 And we're live at Planet Fitness.

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00:01:00.000 Top Lobs and Productions.

00:01:02.840 In the shadows of the ancient ones

00:01:11.280 They never went away

00:01:15.020 They're still here today

00:01:20.260 Never them, death squad

00:01:25.060 When the last trumpet sounds

00:01:27.160 And the heavens crack

00:01:29.000 Never them, death squad

00:01:33.380 Never them, death squad

00:01:37.540 Death squad

00:01:40.660 Death squad

00:01:42.660 welcome back ladies and gentlemen to another episode of nds chronicles the show where we read

00:02:01.560 your supernatural testimony and we mock you and maybe sometimes offer some advice or guidance or

00:02:09.780 not none of that mockery only i am david lee corvo aka the rim that is top lobster hello aka mr nasty

00:02:15.980 why you gotta be like that why you gotta be mr nasty we're starting early well i mean you started

00:02:21.920 early you came in the shop and then you got mr nastied up the father of disinformation we can't

00:02:26.560 we just can't do that no i think uh we're changing things now and now you're mr nasty and that's that's

00:02:32.200 how it is um so if you want to submit your paranormal testimony for us to mock and and offer guidance in

00:02:38.140 in your troubling times your times of trouble uh that email address is going to be chronicles

00:02:43.800 nds no chronicles at neph no yeah all those which one is it you can do that one too chronicles at

00:02:50.980 nephilimdeathsquad.com is that real that's real chronicles at nephilimdeathsquad.com you can

00:02:56.700 submit it there and uh and we'll read it and maybe maybe we'll read it maybe we won't it's been a while

00:03:01.860 since we did one of these it took us a long time to get around to it anyway if you're looking for a

00:03:05.100 way to support us patreon.com forward slash nephilim death squad is a great way to do it

00:03:10.000 you'll gain early access to episodes ad free listening experiences uh early access to tickets

00:03:16.040 to bohemian grove march 6th and 7th we don't have a venue yet but i think that's gonna actually

00:03:21.840 easier than we suspect i think we just got to go to one of these dystopian rec centers that are around

00:03:26.200 here and set that up literally i think we just have to ask nobody's asked yet yeah nobody's asked can

00:03:31.400 we do this here are we allowed to would you mind if we and they'd go actually yeah nobody ever uses

00:03:35.680 these for anything so we'd be happy to take your money use these for the orgies and then we'll yeah

00:03:40.000 as long as it doesn't fall on an orgy day um we should be able to use it uh also discount codes

00:03:47.100 off merchandise from top lobster.com i have top lobster merch i have my psyop season shirt on because

00:03:51.880 we are in the throes of psyop season oh yeah i have top lobster no this isn't top well it is

00:03:57.140 in a way wait a second we sell those on top lobster.com right we do how do i how do i do

00:04:01.740 this i don't know there we go there it is look at that man everyone mason shut up yeah mason shush

00:04:07.920 she's so loud she's like a bird it's like you know those tall birds that walk around florida

00:04:14.240 yeah that's kind of what it is she's like just knocking stuff over he just went over and like

00:04:18.300 employed one of them like you look like you need a job she was like squat

00:04:22.360 um yeah so so uh i don't remember what the hell i was saying oh it's psyop season i think we should

00:04:30.100 mention that a little bit because we just i got finished doing a show on the raven and it was

00:04:33.600 a little bit about the epstein situation yeah and i'm curious your thoughts on it before we start

00:04:39.580 reading these submissions because my thoughts were read it that doesn't matter my i don't know my

00:04:44.680 thoughts specifically on this is what i want your opinion on it almost doesn't matter why don't you tell

00:04:49.140 me what to think first and then we'll go okay well i'm gonna say a thing and then you tell me what

00:04:52.500 you feel about it tell me what i should think all right all right i think you should you should agree

00:04:56.740 with this it doesn't matter because ai is so sophisticated now that it's like oh you're gonna

00:05:04.300 show me footage you're gonna show me pictures don't care show me feet pics don't show me footage i

00:05:09.360 would like to see epstein's feet oh yeah i gotta i know a guy i heard that they were like yellow like

00:05:15.100 the simpsons that's why the simpsons you heard about that i feel like you could be lying to me

00:05:20.240 right now but go on oh yeah look at how excited david is continue what is he what are we talking

00:05:24.320 about they said that like matt groaning designed the simpsons after epstein's feet epstein's yellow

00:05:30.280 feet uh the way that you've said it it feels like you're telling me the truth but you are the father

00:05:38.120 of disinformation you've got a real way about you i thought i was mr nasty well you are also mr nasty

00:05:43.140 you've got layers to you you're like an onion make people cry the more you peel the more your eyes

00:05:48.700 of water um no i've never heard that i don't know if that's true uh but i'm talking about uh are we

00:05:54.680 going to talk about a little bit of our drama we're just going to read these uh what's our drama

00:05:57.700 i guess it's not really drama right i don't know i don't remember it's just like things we did

00:06:02.700 who have we upset we keep upsetting timothy alvarino well i don't know if he's upset or not he did

00:06:08.700 accuse us of hostility because i said why are you being so hostile perhaps perhaps he uses perhaps

00:06:14.320 a lot if you go through go i challenge you if you're a listener of this show go to timothy alvarino's

00:06:18.720 uh tweeter page and then do a keyword search on perhaps oh that's actually a good do it right now

00:06:25.900 dude i bet you it's like constant just perhaps perhaps um let's see so yeah i mean i i also talked

00:06:31.860 about this a little bit cdub cdub says guys forgive alvarino we don't we don't we don't not forgive

00:06:36.840 alvarino how do i spell perhaps p-e-r haps h-a-p-s perhaps perhaps i shall speak here

00:06:43.280 some nds merch perhaps perhaps perhaps not i like a mayhaps it's like a in between maybe and perhaps

00:06:51.160 there's a lot yeah because he says it constantly i see you scrolling it is quite a bit of perhaps

00:06:56.960 yeah um we're on to you dude so yeah i mean you know we watch the documentary it seems that he's

00:07:03.760 no longer of the opinion that the antichrist is going to emerge from alien disclosure for that

00:07:09.760 are we sure i mean just based off of his his glazing we have to be very careful because he's

00:07:14.760 becoming our uh best friend david wilcox yep best friend yeah i mean he is kind of becoming a david

00:07:21.520 wilcox to us in the same way that wilcox is uh alvarino for uh the hidden in plain sight guys i mean

00:07:28.260 i don't know man who's is better who's is better yeah i think wilcox is now wilcox is a never-ending

00:07:35.680 supply of i was listening to a brief clip from him yeah when he made a 501c3 for himself wilcox did

00:07:41.980 that yeah he made himself a 501c3 it's great he's a church well he was talking about christ consciousness

00:07:47.420 when i saw him well it makes sense then yeah and andy he was saying that the universe is organizing

00:07:54.540 to save us and it loves us and it should be reassuring that there is this christ consciousness

00:08:02.360 that is at work in the universe and i'm like yeah this guy's fucking lost in the sauce baby he's close

00:08:07.540 well and i wonder i wonder if this all goes to a place where alvarino is like yeah christ consciousness

00:08:13.120 i wonder if if if we can push alvarino lose his mind i don't know you know what i will say

00:08:20.940 he's much he's a much more firm adversary or friend he's a friend he's a friend well you could

00:08:26.680 have like a uh what would you call it like a rival well we went to high school together in peru so

00:08:31.080 it's not really like we hate him and i don't think he would put all that behind him like it didn't

00:08:34.540 happen uh the adventures and the friendship and the bonding experiences disingenuous perhaps

00:08:41.060 yeah i just don't think he's that kind of guy he's a sentimental guy and i don't think that

00:08:47.300 the past means nothing to him it's actually a good uh thought uh do you think he has our moon map

00:08:51.660 um honestly i think timothy alvarino doesn't think we're the type of guys that would have access to

00:08:58.580 a moon map i don't think he fucks with the moon i don't think he fucks with the moon either

00:09:01.700 so so yeah i don't know i don't know where it is where we are with alvarino i'd say i'm more confused

00:09:09.900 than when i started this yes i go back and forth i fluctuate wildly perhaps on if i don't say perhaps

00:09:17.720 over and over again like we don't know what you're doing dude

00:09:20.280 nigga can't use a word now no i mean you can nick can use a word but i'm just saying

00:09:27.020 you know yeah i know what you're doing it's a good word you're mocking he actually made a great point

00:09:31.980 and i feel like i'm obsessed with the guy now i'm well he's very handsome is that what you mean

00:09:36.240 uh yeah very handsome he is very handsome i know where you're going with this so he used a word and

00:09:41.420 then he has been using this word a lot yeah and it's kind of our thing i told him i'm like you got

00:09:46.520 to be careful yeah because that's our thing uh hold on let's put this up i want to sing all right

00:09:51.260 there we go yeah so i said uh we take the cap nip away every time he uses that in a derogatory manner

00:09:56.980 cut it out yeah and he goes it's such a versatile word perhaps one of the best in the english language

00:10:02.900 perhaps one of the best in the english yeah um you know what damn man i gotta retweet that

00:10:07.600 because it is it is yeah it's a banger he's right what are you doing matt nobody invited you

00:10:11.520 what are you guys even doing right we're talking shit about amathirino at timothy alberino what's

00:10:17.240 his name you guys doing a show no yeah you want to do it no we're not doing a show we're talking

00:10:22.700 crap about timothy alberino and the and the uh the what would you call it we're not talking about

00:10:29.940 him perhaps we're talking about perhaps we are been saying no we're just talking we're just

00:10:34.480 recapping we're gonna read in there like a dead dude what are you doing why are your hands first

00:10:38.500 off matt this is too heavy this show this show is too heavy yeah this is too heavy for your spirit

00:10:42.580 yeah we're doing chronicles you know your hands are soaking wet and you're just stroking your face

00:10:47.060 are you gonna come on the show or what no so get out get your body out of here you're wasting

00:10:52.700 the electricity in the shot because austin's microphone is not working you're a wanker you

00:11:00.340 should be sorry also don't what is it why are your hands wet because i've worked for a living

00:11:04.100 okay but why did you dry them on your beard uh i was like they were already 90 dry i just

00:11:10.100 dried the last 10 tell me some amazing to keep it down percent it just became seven percent you got

00:11:16.340 to go guys send more emails send more emails about how much you hate matt um and we're live

00:11:23.640 at planet fitness here's natalie spooner firing up the battle ropes that's a hat trick of reps right

00:11:29.220 there now over to emma malte with the hack squad talk about team carrying strength and here comes

00:11:34.960 emily clark going for a new pr she likes the lamp with that lift wow what a workout folks hard to

00:11:41.520 believe you get all of that with one membership get started for one dollar down then 15 a month

00:11:46.560 offer ends january 9th 49 annual fee applies planet fitness the official gym of hockey canada

00:11:52.500 there's no guess c-dub c-dub because uh we were gonna have we were gonna have austin picard uh from

00:12:00.240 the austism report and and he uh he couldn't make it because his microphone shit out so he's gonna go buy

00:12:06.760 a microphone today and then we're gonna do a show what an incredible climb right what's that

00:12:11.500 it's like climbing mount everest with like a pair of new balance what he's what he's oh my god yeah

00:12:17.720 like he's he's got a blue yeti which is entry-level bullshit microphone i was asking him questions i

00:12:23.760 was like so what kind of audio interface are you connected to because i thought it was a different

00:12:27.420 mic and he goes oh yeah yeah audio interface and i'm like he agreed with you yeah you were like you

00:12:31.340 have the the yeti i mean you you said you have the shore 501c3 or some shit yeah it was a shore

00:12:36.820 58 yeah or something like that and he goes he goes yeah yep and then he picks up the mic i was

00:12:42.500 like that's a blue yeti i was like how you you made it this far on just pure what you know yeah

00:12:47.820 yeah and he's made it real far but now it's time to to treat the austin report austin uh you know

00:12:54.140 like the the the golden pony that it is i don't understand that that's right shout out to chuck h

00:12:59.920 chuck h why are we shouting him out i don't know all right love that guy hey so um let's get into

00:13:05.800 these chronicles oh how is your thing coming along what is it your fundraiser oh my god yeah we we

00:13:11.880 we raised i think over three thousand dollars and now we have to uh can you how are you gonna check

00:13:17.560 oh oh yeah it all goes to the the paypal that's right yeah we'll look go ahead keep talking no let's

00:13:22.780 have silence until you pull up the numbers all right damn this is no you gotta do silence i know but

00:13:29.660 it's so slow no it doesn't fine it doesn't matter all right guys stop silence

00:13:33.480 it's not it's not it's not it's fine we're gonna do silence we're just gonna stay yeah

00:13:42.620 geez guys stop talking yeah

00:13:47.040 does he do this to you on the raven what do you know i never i'm just i feel like it's nice to have

00:13:55.800 some decompression time yeah from you yeah so i'm trying to do it i'm trying to make it make a silence

00:14:02.140 i see what you're doing i don't like it you gotta cut it out three thousand one hundred twenty five

00:14:09.560 dollars damn three thousand one hundred twenty five dollars yeah that's a

00:14:14.720 a fuck ton of food dude yeah what are we gonna do i don't know it's gonna get complicated i think we

00:14:23.600 just we just do it we just go we just do it thank you guys for donating to the uh pantry the food

00:14:31.380 pantry a pantry uh perhaps we'll set it up out front perhaps uh and then to a big fight over the

00:14:40.180 weekend about what we're gonna do with the money well you were like let's give it all to the church

00:14:43.960 system and say that the 501c3 church system didn't say that and i said that's not what the listeners

00:14:48.720 of this show signed up for now people are going to think that i said that i think people donated

00:14:53.680 money because they were like i want to see if these assholes can even or like organize and do this

00:14:57.980 yeah and i i don't want to take that away from them it's the same way when they donate money

00:15:02.600 on the raven and they want to see me do math it's the same energy so a lot of them donated because

00:15:07.760 they're like yeah we're going to do something nice and this is cool but also like let's watch this

00:15:12.380 show let's watch them try to put three thousand dollars worth of food on a plastic folding table

00:15:17.240 i don't think that they did it that way i think they did it because they think we could talk to

00:15:22.460 poor people i can't you're yes you can no i am poor people perhaps you could talk to them no i think

00:15:30.720 matt perhaps matt can talk to them you know perhaps matt could share scripture with them and that was

00:15:37.040 honestly a lot of my my hope for this was just like yeah we could draw them in we could say hey look

00:15:40.860 christian library this guy that can't stop talking he wants to you know share the share the bible with

00:15:46.800 you he wants to share the gospel with you this episode is brought to you by popcorn uh no we no

00:15:51.800 longer sell thank you ella's rape pajamas and we don't no we stopped we do no we don't you can go

00:15:58.160 there's a hyperlink on the website all right apparently the rape pajamas are still up for sale

00:16:02.120 all right so we have a uh a new a new product it's called weld

00:16:09.880 and this is actually why is it so cold matt's related to it it's my cousins bro it's chuck and

00:16:15.180 ernie chuck and ernie 18 grams of whey protein 18 grams of whey nobody can hear you okay

00:16:20.240 uses his mic sit on his lap no don't sit on my lap 200 milligrams you have 200 milligrams of

00:16:28.040 caffeine 18 grams of protein none of those you can't even say our story at 21 i was a student

00:16:36.000 athlete burning cash on a protein shake in one hand and an energy drink in the other it was so

00:16:41.500 expensive and inefficient so i built weld the first drink that he's still 21 he's still 21

00:16:47.960 so i built weld it's crazy the first drink that welds protein and caffeine together for athletes

00:16:53.540 students and anyone chasing more out of life there's a hyperlink on our website

00:16:58.240 takes you straight to it right now why'd you bang this up for yeah why'd you bang these up what's

00:17:03.380 that one is that a creamsicle this is a cream one all right i'm gonna put it in my mouth

00:17:06.620 just make sure they look cool on site all right on site he's gonna drink it don't do that

00:17:13.140 these do look pretty cool i can only have a sip of this dude i just had a coffee and then an

00:17:17.800 espresso shot and now a clean energy and now i'm gonna have a sip of this all right guys are we

00:17:22.640 gonna do a show are we doing a show we just like apparently milk's in here this is like one of the

00:17:27.560 things that massive is like maybe you guys should like focus on a topic and like come and try to do

00:17:32.080 something and i'm like i don't know if we should what's going on i mean it's good i love an orange

00:17:38.480 creamsicle hmm perhaps i'll try one perhaps perhaps you shall purchase wells from fucking all right dude

00:17:45.980 let's let's read some of these chronicles man this is we're 17 minutes into the show and all we've

00:17:51.540 done is promote weld yeah and timothy alberino yeah i don't want to promote him anymore fuck that

00:18:01.340 guy hey hey no he's nice that see that's uh what's the word that he used hostile that's how he accused

00:18:08.800 us of being hostile yeah well that was i was i was saying that he was handsome just as you're saying

00:18:14.860 he's an asshole perhaps he's correct you decide what are we reading i don't know dude you said

00:18:21.520 you starred a bunch of them let's i'm gonna go to the starred section cocaine midgets and spice

00:18:26.760 girl story um okay there's a part one and a part two we're gonna start with uh let's start with part

00:18:34.640 two that makes sense no we're gonna start with part one why would you do that um okay so shout out to

00:18:43.320 holly whose full name i won't dox she's a patreon member a certified spice girl and um

00:18:50.020 and we're gonna read her story let's read her story greetings top david and matt greetings holly

00:18:56.540 this doesn't count she only spelled it with two t's and everybody knows and also he's not here so we

00:19:00.540 don't really know who that who you're talking about mayhaps you will be gassy honestly i think

00:19:07.240 this might make you the protein yeah probably make you gassy well dude i mean i'm i'm just like

00:19:11.320 i'm just oh i got two things that drinks that are open and they're all i got a coconut water i got

00:19:17.100 this thing well for all your energy and uh and protein needs i don't uh i didn't plan on going to

00:19:27.080 the gym today so also shout out to david who bought me a welder i talked about in the last episode i just

00:19:31.820 think that's great david yeah that's his name and i thanked him and he didn't even respond to me he was

00:19:37.080 just like you know what it is playboy here's out to alex who came to the shop his name is alex his

00:19:42.420 name is eric you're a real asshole for that shout out to eric i'm bad with names i'm sorry you can

00:19:47.100 call me holly we're gonna call you whatever we feel like love the show and i've been wanting to

00:19:54.120 share my stories with you all for a very long time but finally decided to sit down and knock out the

00:19:58.700 writing when i heard the colorado basement computer demon story from that other girl colorado

00:20:03.220 facebook computer demon i think i do crawled out of the computer screen or some shit this is the one

00:20:07.560 that scared matt gave him a heavy heart he had a heavy spirit i don't remember if it was that one

00:20:11.600 or not you guys don't get it i just know he sobbed he sobbed matthew wept mine is sort of similar ish

00:20:18.300 that's a good word y'all mentioned in the other girls episode something like if you're saved you

00:20:22.780 won't be under attack by demon spirits in the home but i beg to differ we never said that i would

00:20:26.340 never say that because i literally am attacked by demons ceaseless yeah what am i timothy alberino

00:20:31.240 yeah right what would i say so i wouldn't say such definitive things perhaps quesas that you

00:20:36.940 know the quesas that means perhaps in spanish does it perhaps it does just made that up this guy's

00:20:42.160 you son of a bitch dude why are you just making stuff up and saying things like that to me you

00:20:45.440 know i'll believe the things that you say this guy thinks that i've seen his yellow feet you are real

00:20:49.520 i fucking knew you were lying about that um in the span of two months i was filled with the holy

00:20:55.420 spirit haunted by evil basement spirit and almost addicted to vicodin almost she was not addicted to

00:21:00.760 vicodin she was almost addicted to vicodin there's so much to share so i'm sorry this won't be brief

00:21:06.980 but i'm dying to hear matt's straight bible opinion on the events of my life oh sorry holly hey should

00:21:13.040 we read it yeah we should read it we're reading it right now i know but matt's not here the holy

00:21:19.640 spirit so let's start at the beginning i was raised in marietta georgia about a mile down the road from a

00:21:24.940 civil war battlefield my dad worked at the home depot corporate offices in atlanta is your dad black

00:21:30.960 so we had money growing up okay not black also i will write back again and let you know about the

00:21:38.300 parties those corporate guys would have don't worry my dad was never part of the club okay damn i don't

00:21:43.760 know what's going on that's you say so awfully suggestive suggestive my sister and i went to a

00:21:50.440 christian school so i had heard about jesus most of my life but it wasn't until sophomore year of high

00:21:54.620 school that i truly got it she got it dude during my freshman year i was part of a mean girl group

00:22:02.080 which was super awesome until they all turned on me and i was on the other side of things ah

00:22:06.500 bitches the worst what are you doing over there huh what are you doing i don't know

00:22:13.840 and we're live at planet fitness here's natalie spooner firing up the battle ropes

00:22:18.640 that's a hat trick of reps right there now over to emma malte with the hack squad talk about team

00:22:24.560 carrying strength and here comes emily clark going for a new pr she lights the lamp with that lift

00:22:30.440 wow what a workout folks hard to believe you get all of that with one membership get started for

00:22:35.860 one dollar down then 15 a month offer ends january 9th 49 annual fee applies planet fitness the

00:22:42.280 official gym of hockey canada i went through a pretty dark theme or i'm not doing this that was

00:22:48.680 that was alarming i don't know what was going on it was matt he's here in spirit uh i was i went

00:22:54.480 through a pretty dark time that spring semester i was isolated and living in sin nasty i had made

00:23:00.680 some really bad decisions and i was lying to my parents a lot and my faith in general was not in a

00:23:05.180 good place finally one day i looked in the mirror and i said you fucking bitch no she said

00:23:09.840 and recognized myself that's what she said i didn't even recognize myself i broke down in tears and i

00:23:14.460 prayed and said god if you're real you need to prove it to me that was may of 2010 no he doesn't but

00:23:22.760 that's i get it well perhaps perhaps for hacky sauce for hacky sock key sauce i don't know i don't think

00:23:33.140 that's real four months later i had forgotten about that prayer it was september september and

00:23:39.980 my son wants to play that song all the time now he's like can you put on the bluetooth so i could

00:23:43.720 play september that's like the song of the villages

00:23:45.800 when you go to hell that's the song that's playing there do you remember

00:23:52.880 yep they play the song every day here it was september and our high school would go to sharp top

00:24:00.140 cove a young life retreat a few hours from our school seniors would go there wednesday and have

00:24:05.480 their own worship time and small groups and the rest of us would go on thursday morning we would

00:24:10.500 all leave saturday morning it was super fun we would have time during the day to zip line

00:24:16.440 water slide play games water slide hell yeah i like a water slide yeah honestly big fan of a water park

00:24:22.980 not a big fan of a roller coaster park we need a water slide in the lobby of we should get a water

00:24:27.900 slide why don't we have a water slide you get baptized right into the sanctuary yeah we're gonna

00:24:34.320 do baptisms at uh bro grove via water slide perhaps um water balloon water balloon baptism i don't know

00:24:43.200 if that counts in the name of the father the son uh all right so we play games all the cool stuff and

00:24:48.180 at night we would would have worship had a really good idea did you go ahead you want to hear it i do

00:24:53.260 want to hear it you want to hear my idea yeah we should make uh blap it like the toys but you got

00:25:00.480 to blap it guam it oh yeah pour the brown water blap it that's a wordy one are you gonna tilt it to

00:25:08.080 the side brown water blap it guam it that's a good idea i like it let's make it happen i mean we've

00:25:14.680 done dumber shit most of the time it would be some youth pastor 501c3 dude in a flannel shirt telling

00:25:20.220 us not to have sex or whatever but the worship was always decent okay so i don't even remember

00:25:26.640 what the speaker talked about that night or even who the speaker was but after he finished his spiel

00:25:31.440 he said we could either leave or go to the game room which is what we always did after nightly

00:25:37.580 services and go to the game room or oh i'm sorry or we could stay and worship some more something

00:25:44.100 about his preaching got to me so my friend victoria and i decided to stay for worship

00:25:49.440 they started with the song came to my rescue which i had never heard before that moment i think it was

00:25:57.060 a phil wickman song phil wickham perhaps it was a phil wickman song perhaps he's the guy that played

00:26:03.320 david in the new oh how was that i think they missed the mark a little bit on it but it was cool

00:26:09.960 it was all right how did they miss the mark because i was curious i was waiting for your

00:26:13.540 review before i decided because my wife was like should we take uh my wife jack to go see it and

00:26:21.060 i was like well top's going to see it so it's fine i think you yeah you should i think they

00:26:25.700 mischaracterized david's character toward the end a little bit oh why was he like super based and not

00:26:31.160 like super transgressing transgressing no no they don't get to that point with bathsheba like they get

00:26:38.060 to the point where he becomes king and that's oh yeah you don't want to show the kids he was like

00:26:41.920 i want to fuck that bitch he really yeah he met and i'm gonna murder her husband to fuck that it's

00:26:46.720 a lot of like him doubting his his faith and i'm just like i don't really read that part strange that

00:26:52.880 is strange he never seemed like a guy that was like his mother his mother had the faith for him

00:26:57.600 which is also it's just very strange but i was like all right it was it was fine they did with

00:27:00.960 the woman's the woman yeah it was a very female empowerment sort of thing yeah perhaps it had an agenda

00:27:06.220 shout out phil wickham um as soon as the chorus said i called you answered i was filled with the

00:27:12.220 holy spirit filled it overcame me and filled me with the light and love and warmth that i can't

00:27:17.520 even begin to describe you missed it this was two times this week what happened two times we had

00:27:24.040 uh tongues you missed it oh it happened twice in one in one service twice in one serving twice in

00:27:32.480 one serving yeah what was the translation i don't remember must not have been important

00:27:37.280 they used the word perhaps did they well yes come out of her my children perhaps

00:27:44.680 that's not good this is a high level blasphemy simultaneously god show me the memory of myself

00:27:52.260 staring into the mirror and sobbing that past may asking him for a sign that he is real which like

00:27:58.480 i said previously i had completely forgotten about the timing of it all with the music was so clear

00:28:03.900 to me i had called on him and he was now saying here is your answer i had no more doubts i fell to my

00:28:12.500 knees and cried and praised him perhaps i'm sorry it doesn't matter if it's good or or not we're just

00:28:23.120 gonna mock you and it's not a mocking of you holly it's just uh we're just animals and we can't

00:28:27.760 ask albarino we just can't help ourselves per blaps per blaps per blaps he did uh turns out pretty much

00:28:35.040 everyone who stayed to worship had experienced some version of what i had unfortunately many of them

00:28:39.520 had confused repentance with confession oh what's the difference well confession is like you're just

00:28:45.340 saying the things repentance is asking for forgiveness i don't know i just said that shit i don't know if that's

00:28:51.800 um and some took turns going up on stage crying and confessing whatever eating disorder or self-harm

00:28:58.340 or whatever they had going on that was magically cured by the holy spirit that night for most everything

00:29:04.340 was back to normal by the time we got back to school on monday but i was determined not to lose that

00:29:09.840 fire i had experienced good for her i decided to start a small group of girls for girls to meet up

00:29:17.180 and pray once a week during lunch i sought out our most spirit field teacher and she agreed to lead

00:29:26.340 it unfortunately only three of us showed up and after a few weeks there were only two then one day

00:29:34.560 it was just me as a 15 year old i most certainly would have rather stopped going completely than spend

00:29:42.320 lunch alone with the teacher so i stopped attending yeah that's i mean that's that's awkward you're just

00:29:47.380 gonna be there with your teacher just want you're just like the weird one chick and the teacher at

00:29:51.380 lunch everybody else is blapping it up and you're just what's the story about holly how you fell off

00:29:55.520 what is this that's the story of how i fell the fuck off i don't know

00:30:00.500 uh okay one that was part one this is no this is part one point part one b there you go

00:30:08.780 and we're live at planet fitness here's natalie spooner firing up the battle ropes

00:30:14.400 that's a hat trick of reps right there now over to emma malte with the hack squad talk about team

00:30:20.300 carrying strength and here comes emily clark going for a new pr she lights the lamp with that lift

00:30:26.180 wow what a workout folks hard to believe you get all of that with one membership get started for

00:30:31.600 one dollar down then 15 a month offer ends january 9th 49 annual fee applies planet fitness the

00:30:38.020 official gym of hockey canada blap blap blap my haunted childhood home by holly

00:30:45.740 before i tell you about the basement ghosts i need you to picture this house because honestly

00:30:52.400 the layout alone was enough to freak you out it was one of those homes with multiple staircases

00:30:57.560 that's spooky yeah too many staircases like where does this go everybody gets one fucking staircase

00:31:03.360 in your house if you have more than that yeah where does this lead to they say somebody said

00:31:08.800 confessions is what emily does damn that's not nice joe brown does anybody say commend repentance

00:31:14.380 is committing to changing your behavior okay that's fair yeah yeah yeah that was that was a low blow

00:31:20.360 yeah you didn't have to say that about emily which one's emily she's the bane of your existence um

00:31:27.220 yes so this one had a lot of stairs and weird connecting hallways and random doors that seemed

00:31:34.100 to lead into each other like some kind of suburban maze what the fuck what's that mean she's just

00:31:41.060 saying that her dad had money yeah that's a brag right home depot money i knew a girl uh who had

00:31:47.460 a secret tunnel or not a tunnel jewish yeah and it was behind her bookcase like she would move a bookcase

00:31:54.420 and then she'd be able to like i need one of those why i i can't tell you right now all right

00:32:01.700 where was i random doors that seem to lead into each other like some kind of suburban maze zillow only

00:32:07.260 has the outside photos now which is tragic because the inside was something else so let me walk you

00:32:11.360 through it how she fell off for real this is how she fell off for real i mean she she's not in the

00:32:17.560 house oh my god i have too much energy i mean i need water now i'm getting like nauseous um you'd step

00:32:23.080 through the front door into this big echoey foyer with a grand staircase right in front of you

00:32:29.040 leading upstairs and at the top of those stairs straight ahead there was this long hallway

00:32:32.840 to the left it opened up into a little nook with three doors one to the linen closet one to the

00:32:39.240 bathroom my sister and i shared which smelled like pee and poo which had its own door well yeah

00:32:44.680 which had its own extra door inside for the toilet shower part which was the same

00:32:49.380 you would poo in the shower waffle stomp waffle stomping and then the entrance to my parents

00:32:56.000 massive master bedroom and bathroom the foyer itself is wide open with a formal dining room

00:33:02.020 on the right and two french doors on the left that led to my mom's prayer bible study room damn you all

00:33:07.460 had money damn you got french type doors you got french doors that's crazy and a bible study room i mean

00:33:14.780 that's like you could do that literally anywhere yeah but you'd have a room for it too i guess

00:33:19.800 i think matt has a bible study room it's called a closet no i think he's he's very rich too well he

00:33:25.360 is wealthy our boss is wealthy yeah he wouldn't be our boss otherwise i mean we go to his house he's

00:33:31.220 got like statues in the back he's got two houses he does have two houses he's like i've got this

00:33:36.080 daughter that i raised mayhaps i'll give her uh a house yeah and now she has a house he's got people that

00:33:43.620 work the land live yeah on the land yeah so like mostly when he says he's working the land he's

00:33:49.760 just like well i what i will say is i've seen him like he'll walk around the food forest and he'll

00:33:55.760 talk to god yeah but it really makes the other like the black people uncomfortable

00:33:59.740 he talks he talks to god out loud and it's what he does to us here yeah he like voiced the text but

00:34:07.880 he's like man god i wish that these these these trees were a little bit more pruned yeah you know

00:34:13.260 yeah he does it it's like a passive aggressive like you're not working hard enough kind of a

00:34:16.520 thing voice the text to god i've seen him do it he'll walk through there and the black folks will

00:34:20.120 turn their head they go huh and he goes i wasn't talking to you i was talking to god but it would

00:34:23.960 be nice though if they were more pruned where was i if you walk straight to the blah blah blah

00:34:31.280 the the foyer there was a door that opened to the small square shaped hallway full of more

00:34:39.260 doors more door which is a door that's where she's at lord lord of the rings reference on the

00:34:44.800 right side there was a coat closet and a half bath and on the left there was a basement door straight

00:34:48.700 ahead led into the breakfast nook bitch had a nook yeah this bitch has a nook it's crazy and if you

00:34:54.680 turn the corner to the left you'd walk into the man cave a room lined with bookshelves where we

00:34:59.800 watch tv hung out everything i knew you could tell this is a girl i know she's just talking so much

00:35:05.260 the other guy we were like you're in a graveyard with basketball shorts yeah can we get more details

00:35:10.420 he's like nah nah how's that for you playboy yeah just nah shit he's like all i could tell you is

00:35:19.260 i don't play basketball i don't play basketball but i do wear them shorts both the man cave and

00:35:25.420 the breakfast nook had doors leading to the back patio the kitchen connected to everything too

00:35:30.240 a door to the laundry room and another door to the butler's pantry this is rich how much

00:35:39.740 are you a patron perhaps or did you fall off i if you're not paying us i'm hurt because clearly you

00:35:47.860 have extra money okay so where were we the butler's pantry which looped you should give her a reason why

00:35:53.560 she should pay us i i don't have a single one actually you know what i do have diarrhea i am

00:36:00.520 i am all messed up right now i'm like nauseous from like so much weld energy and clean energy and also

00:36:08.700 the espresso shot that was given to me but i drank four fosters oatmeal stout breakfast stouts last night

00:36:16.640 and they did a number on my insides and now i uh i am holding back the floodgates

00:36:24.040 and by that i mean explosive diarrhea are you like clenching is it real bad occasionally i have to be

00:36:29.340 like whoops what should i pull up uh we should have something to watch oh no no no i'm gonna hold

00:36:38.000 it i don't think you can hold it i'm still holding it i have a strong colon ah uh so we're the butler's

00:36:45.080 pantry hoping she says hopefully you're keeping up because this is where the house layout really

00:36:49.220 starts to get insane holly i think i'm gonna hit you yeah this is crazy uh from the kitchen if you

00:36:55.540 walk into the laundry room the garage was on the right and the pantry with accordion doors was on

00:36:59.880 the left it was a huge laundry room and tucked in the back corner was a second staircase one that

00:37:05.420 curved left and led up to another doorway which dropped you right at the far end of the hallway

00:37:11.380 upstairs who are these people i don't know dude i think i'm sweating but before we go up that back

00:37:19.320 staircase let's talk about the pantry which one the butler's pantry or just a regular ass pantry

00:37:24.020 because inside that pantry was the secret room this is crazy along the left side under the bottom shelf

00:37:32.180 there was a little square cut into the drywall of course this place is haunted yeah souls are getting

00:37:37.520 lost the layout is a is a maze just dying in the different trying to get out of the perhaps

00:37:44.500 butler's pantry um okay so there was a little square in the drywall you literally had to get

00:37:50.640 on your hands and knees to see it if you pushed it the square would swing open you can crawl through

00:37:54.020 the previous owners had put carpet and lamp in there that was big enough for multiple kids to hang out

00:37:58.400 in my sister and i were obsessed with it in the fourth and fifth grade but then later we ignored it

00:38:03.840 unless we had friends over who we wanted to impress the room was built under the staircase

00:38:08.420 and only one little spot right near the entrance was tall enough for anyone to stand up in yeah on

00:38:15.220 the left wall we had some nailed wooden boards to make a ladder and if you climb those you reached a

00:38:22.140 second level also carpeted but only big enough for one person to sit comfortably perfect for hiding

00:38:29.900 warm beer when i was a senior okay all right she lived she lived at the overlook hotel good god

00:38:36.200 and above that secret level oh and above that secret level in the ceiling there was another cutout

00:38:45.000 and if you squeeze through it you ended up in this pitch dark unfinished attic type space that always

00:38:52.460 gave me the creeps damn dude what is going on with your house but if you turn left in that pitch

00:39:00.040 black room there was another square opening and crawling through that popped you out inside my

00:39:08.080 sister's closet whoa that's creepy like literally through her hanging dresses and it wasn't even a

00:39:14.180 walk-in closet tell me that's not absolutely fucking weird i'm glad we hung in there because by the end of

00:39:19.280 it i was like i thought she was just bragging about like my father's mansion has many rooms

00:39:23.900 but like she's kind of bragging i mean she's definitely bragging but like yeah it has many

00:39:29.680 rooms and it is weird as shit when you went up to the laundry room staircase you came out at a small

00:39:35.000 extension of that upstairs hallway it turned at a 90 degree angle you know what i want to say real

00:39:41.180 quick is thank god holly um can type yeah and use punctuation and shit this would be a this would

00:39:48.060 be a disaster if this came from any other spice member of the of the show spice person spice

00:39:53.760 person spice peoples immediately on our left was our second living room pull out couches chairs a huge

00:39:59.840 desk with a family desktop what is that a family desktop and if you stood in that doorway and looked

00:40:06.040 down the hallway you'd see the door to the laundry room on the right and straight ahead the top of

00:40:11.700 the main staircase my bedroom was on the left hallway down and my sister's was directly across

00:40:19.800 from mine on the right this place is a labyrinth i will i will i will admit to you right now that not

00:40:25.140 a single descriptive of the layout of your home has stuck with me no except for the pantry i don't

00:40:32.040 even think she knows my closet had its own creepy little feature a square cutout on the right that

00:40:39.520 led into a huge unfitted finished attic space basically a void and we're live at planet fitness

00:40:45.540 here's natalie spooner firing up the battle ropes that's a hat trick of reps right there now over to

00:40:51.420 emma malte with the hack squad talk about team carrying strength and here comes emily clark going

00:40:56.760 for a new pr she lights the lamp with that lift wow what a workout folks hard to believe you get

00:41:02.800 all of that with one membership get started for one dollar down then 15 a month offer ends january 9th

00:41:09.100 49 annual fee applies planet fitness the official gym of hockey canada the realtor told my parents that

00:41:15.260 the secret room also connected to my closet but my sister and i could never test it because we're

00:41:21.100 pretty sure the exit to my into my closet had been boarded up it was the wall directly across

00:41:28.240 from the second level of the secret room

00:41:31.900 this is crazy i'm getting winded dude okay could she have just done a drawing maybe just a picture

00:41:40.300 would have sufficed a drawing still knowing it could have led there always freaked me out because i was

00:41:46.420 constantly terrified someone could crawl into my bedroom from inside my closet and then she says

00:41:51.700 i hope you're still reading i mean just barely holly fuck dude this is like this is like imagine if she

00:41:58.360 would have came to the the shop and sat there and told us this oh i would have i would have shot her

00:42:03.400 i think i would have opened fire open fired on her

00:42:07.780 emptied out the clip she'd be like and then there was another if you made a left at the end of that

00:42:16.800 hallway there was a square cut out in my father's living closet space her father had a living closet

00:42:24.320 and a dying closet it's like jeez dude this is the living closet this is the dying closet this is rich

00:42:29.280 people she's she's white oh yeah she's white holly she's white with an h white um holly are you white

00:42:36.740 oh my god i'm lightheaded now so the basement so david you should poop no i can't okay fine i i need

00:42:42.380 to get water and then squirt some shit out of my butt but hold on hold on what are we gonna play

00:42:48.300 dude i gotta pee from both ends we keep getting uh copy strikes when we play toad's stuff because

00:42:54.420 we don't really do yeah because he's so good is that real let's play it again all right i don't know

00:43:02.080 what's a play though is recent stuff let's see i know look at david you're suffering dude i i'm just

00:43:08.220 like now i'm just lightheaded and more i just need water but then i gotta pee but then also i gotta do

00:43:15.940 some other stuff you gotta keep telling us because i'm like i'm i'm genuinely curious where did you go

00:43:22.400 wrong how did this happen i think it was the like i said the the foundries beers or founders beers

00:43:28.320 well why you keep drinking beer like i uh i like to have a drink on the weekend yeah but we've been

00:43:32.900 over this like you suffer you suffer greatly yeah well sometimes you suffer for you know

00:43:38.780 how beautiful he is very very very what a cute baby boy all right we'll play this

00:43:43.960 all right all right guys dave's gonna poop is it working i can't hear it

00:43:48.240 i'll be right back

00:43:58.320 i'll be right back

00:44:28.320 i'll be right back

00:44:58.320 i'll be right back

00:45:28.320 Thank you.

00:45:58.320 Thank you.

00:46:28.320 Thank you.

00:46:58.320 Thank you.

00:47:28.320 Thank you.

00:47:58.320 Thank you.

00:48:28.320 Well, get used to it because we have more.

00:48:58.320 Thank you.

00:49:00.320 Thank you.

00:49:02.320 This is the part of the story that she's called the basement ghost.

00:49:06.260 So now that she's explained all the rest of her house besides the basement.

00:49:09.640 Now she's going to explain the layout of the basement.

00:49:12.000 For you to understand how this ghost works, you need to understand how my father's basement

00:49:16.680 works.

00:49:17.540 All right.

00:49:18.080 It's October 2010.

00:49:19.540 No, it's not.

00:49:20.600 And Victoria and I are having a sleepover.

00:49:22.960 My parents were already asleep and it's like 11 p.m.

00:49:25.540 So we decided to sneak down to the basement to watch TV and eat junk food.

00:49:29.320 Hell yeah.

00:49:29.780 Pagan bullshit.

00:49:31.340 Witchcraft.

00:49:32.260 Why not?

00:49:33.260 The basement had a finished section.

00:49:35.100 Oh my God.

00:49:36.240 Oh my God.

00:49:37.160 Holly, I feel like I'm on an episode of House Hunters.

00:49:40.520 I'm scared.

00:49:42.620 All right.

00:49:42.980 The basement had a finished section and an unfinished section plus like six random doors

00:49:48.020 because of course it did.

00:49:49.720 And we were just hanging out in the living room area.

00:49:52.920 Of the basement?

00:49:53.500 It has a basement.

00:49:54.900 It has a, there's a butler's pajama room in the basement.

00:50:00.060 From the second we sat down, I felt weird.

00:50:02.800 Just uneasy.

00:50:03.580 Could be the witchcraft and the junk food that you're doing.

00:50:07.620 But you know, I kept getting this heavy sinking feeling like someone was watching us.

00:50:11.360 No, she said watch TV, not witchcraft.

00:50:13.300 Oh, that's the same thing.

00:50:14.660 I kept getting this heavy sinking feeling like someone was watching us from the shadows.

00:50:19.340 I finally said something to Victoria.

00:50:21.160 I don't like this.

00:50:21.960 And she told me I was, it was probably just the door in the corner that led to the bottom

00:50:26.340 level of the back deck, which my family had literally never used.

00:50:30.340 No way.

00:50:30.860 She said that.

00:50:31.620 Oh my God.

00:50:32.060 Is that what she said?

00:50:34.720 That's exactly what she said.

00:50:35.840 Holly.

00:50:38.460 Wait, it says no sound.

00:50:40.160 Hello.

00:50:40.560 No, Sam Squanch.

00:50:41.640 You know what?

00:50:42.100 Sam Squanch, stop it.

00:50:43.100 You can hear us.

00:50:44.440 I know you can hear us.

00:50:47.360 You asshole.

00:50:50.320 Have you seen even?

00:50:51.020 What do you want, Matt?

00:50:52.280 Guys, you remember Riley, right?

00:50:53.600 What's up, Riley?

00:50:54.440 She brought you guys stuff.

00:50:55.300 Hi, Riley.

00:50:55.400 What is that?

00:50:55.760 Is that chocolate?

00:50:56.620 Yes, it is.

00:50:57.220 Stop feeding me.

00:50:58.000 Thank you, Riley.

00:50:58.480 Thank you.

00:50:59.260 May the God of hope fill you with all joy.

00:51:02.020 Riley, say hi to the people.

00:51:03.100 Yeah, no, she doesn't have to.

00:51:04.600 She could if she wants to.

00:51:05.960 It's right there if you like.

00:51:07.360 Hold on, hold on.

00:51:08.000 Whatever.

00:51:08.320 Let's put it in.

00:51:08.480 Come on, fix the camera, dude.

00:51:09.680 Okay, I'm going to fix the camera.

00:51:10.820 Can you fix the camera?

00:51:12.280 There you go.

00:51:12.740 Like the orange cream one?

00:51:13.920 Say hi.

00:51:14.840 No, you got to say hi over there.

00:51:17.220 Thank you, Riley, for the chocolate.

00:51:19.340 Dude, this might actually help with all the caffeine that you made me drink.

00:51:22.680 I didn't make you drink anything.

00:51:23.840 Look at the table, Riley.

00:51:26.300 Yeah, this is really bad.

00:51:27.600 This is incredibly.

00:51:29.940 What are they?

00:51:30.660 These are filled with energy.

00:51:33.000 Wait, you want to do a video for it?

00:51:34.320 Are these like brand new?

00:51:35.340 Yeah, brand new.

00:51:36.060 Yeah, I can do a video for it.

00:51:37.260 Unbelievable.

00:51:37.580 Good, because we're not doing a video for it.

00:51:39.840 Bye.

00:51:40.360 Bye.

00:51:40.760 See ya.

00:51:41.180 Bye, Matt.

00:51:41.320 Bye, thank you.

00:51:41.940 I'm going to eat this chocolate pretzel on air.

00:51:44.560 Okay.

00:51:46.600 Very cool.

00:51:47.300 You don't need it, Raven.

00:51:48.280 Shut up, thin Raven.

00:51:49.800 I'm thick Raven.

00:51:50.840 I'm thick Raven.

00:51:53.740 She got chocolate on it.

00:51:55.080 Hell yeah.

00:51:55.800 Okay, wait a second.

00:51:56.760 Where are we at here?

00:51:57.700 So she felt uneasy.

00:51:58.980 Victoria explained the layout of my house to me.

00:52:01.220 Again.

00:52:02.080 Which my favorite.

00:52:02.660 Okay.

00:52:03.040 The door had a big uncovered window, and she said that alone was creepy.

00:52:07.480 Enough.

00:52:08.480 I kept glancing over, fully expecting to see a man's face pressed up against the glass.

00:52:13.020 Every minute or so, I'd say, I don't like this.

00:52:15.160 And eventually, Victoria was like, shut up, bitch.

00:52:17.040 I'm not doing this.

00:52:19.920 Eventually, Victoria was like, okay, you're actually starting to scare me.

00:52:23.540 I tried so hard to ignore it.

00:52:25.340 I got so far.

00:52:26.800 But in the end.

00:52:27.680 It didn't matter.

00:52:28.660 It didn't even matter.

00:52:29.960 No, she said, I tried so hard to ignore it, but then out of nowhere, I saw the silhouette

00:52:34.180 of a man.

00:52:34.980 He was lurking in the corner beside the door.

00:52:39.780 Not a face, but an almost translucent head shape, and very clearly a white t-shirt and

00:52:46.660 jeans.

00:52:48.180 And the presence felt evil.

00:52:51.780 Evil.

00:52:52.340 Very, yeah.

00:52:53.140 Evil she put in italics.

00:52:55.320 Yeah, because she's kind of a wizard of words.

00:52:58.160 And typing.

00:52:59.400 Yes.

00:53:01.120 Holly the Spice Girl has many words.

00:53:04.280 And she uses them to describe her father's mansion.

00:53:06.480 So, my whole body reacted.

00:53:09.600 I jumped and blurted, oh my god.

00:53:11.880 Oh my goodness.

00:53:12.840 I just saw a man in the corner.

00:53:15.000 I was freaking out.

00:53:16.500 And she clearly didn't believe me, because she just said, Holly, seriously, calm down.

00:53:20.420 Watch the show.

00:53:21.260 Because that's a reasonable thing to say to your friend.

00:53:23.120 Witchcraft.

00:53:23.620 Who just saw a fucking intruder.

00:53:26.260 I didn't calm down.

00:53:28.020 Where is it?

00:53:28.480 I didn't calm down.

00:53:29.680 I was shaking.

00:53:30.980 And maybe a minute later, she grabbed my arm, yanked me out of my chair, and screamed, I

00:53:34.900 saw it too.

00:53:36.880 I seen it.

00:53:37.920 I seen it.

00:53:39.180 And we took off.

00:53:40.220 We ran up the stairs so fast, and we were practically tripping over each other.

00:53:43.820 We locked the door behind us, stood in the kitchen panting, and I asked her, did you

00:53:48.180 see the man in the white t-shirt?

00:53:50.040 She shook her head.

00:53:51.300 She said she didn't see a man at all.

00:53:53.300 She saw a pair of feet running straight at her from the corner of the room.

00:53:57.740 I'm sorry, what?

00:53:59.040 Just feet?

00:54:00.080 Disembodied feet?

00:54:00.820 You just saw feet?

00:54:02.240 That's crazy.

00:54:03.980 Maybe she lacked discernment.

00:54:05.820 Dang.

00:54:06.140 Holly had enough discernment to see the whole dude, but your friend only saw feet.

00:54:11.820 We changed our minds about sleeping in the basement and went right upstairs to the second

00:54:15.520 living room, pull-out couch instead, which was down the hallway, the long hallway, at

00:54:20.620 the top of the stairs, where if you made a left in it, and then you crawled into the

00:54:23.840 crawl space.

00:54:24.500 Hollywood.

00:54:25.280 Oh, Hollywood would say all this shit, wouldn't she?

00:54:28.260 Yeah, none of this matters.

00:54:30.100 She could have told us in the basement, yo, I seen a guy.

00:54:36.540 She's seen some feet.

00:54:38.320 Now she's like, me and my friend went up and we escaped to our second living room.

00:54:43.680 Look, Yannette, she saw yellow feet.

00:54:46.020 She's seen yellow feet.

00:54:47.720 Kisahs.

00:54:48.340 Oh, don't say Kisahs, dude.

00:54:50.140 That's not a fucking word.

00:54:51.100 All right.

00:54:51.720 It might be.

00:54:52.880 Now you'll never know.

00:54:54.100 We went upstairs to the second basement, or wait, we changed our minds about sleeping

00:54:58.280 in the first basement, so we went upstairs to the second basement with the second living

00:55:01.660 room, pull-out couch instead, but the feeling of dread followed us.

00:55:05.080 We were both freaking the fuck out at this point.

00:55:08.200 Don't use that kind of language.

00:55:09.380 I know.

00:55:09.800 It's a Christian show.

00:55:12.500 We decided against.

00:55:15.020 Hey, check out the screen.

00:55:17.900 What is it?

00:55:21.000 Quiznos.

00:55:22.060 Yeah.

00:55:22.360 It's a Spanish adverb meaning maybe or perhaps.

00:55:26.220 Damn.

00:55:27.220 Your boy's good.

00:55:28.300 Quiznos.

00:55:29.020 I'm good.

00:55:29.960 All right.

00:55:30.900 Maybe I'll get some Quiznos after this.

00:55:32.760 Hey, Quiznos.

00:55:33.740 Sobs.

00:55:34.520 Remember that?

00:55:35.600 Perhaps.

00:55:37.920 We decided against waking my parents up to tell them what had happened.

00:55:41.440 What would we say?

00:55:42.380 There was a man ghost and some running shoes we saw in the basement.

00:55:45.880 Shoes or feet?

00:55:47.200 Was it feet?

00:55:48.020 Yeah.

00:55:48.160 Or was it shoes?

00:55:48.920 Were they yellow?

00:55:49.760 Oh, wait up.

00:55:50.160 Is Rebs Sims?

00:55:51.400 Is this Holly?

00:55:53.780 No.

00:55:54.920 I know Rebs.

00:55:55.540 That's not Holly.

00:55:56.780 Might be.

00:55:57.180 Her name is Rebs.

00:55:58.080 You knew Atma too.

00:55:59.760 The girl.

00:56:00.400 Atma the girl.

00:56:01.180 Yeah.

00:56:01.660 Yep.

00:56:02.140 Well, these people are liars.

00:56:04.200 Should we tell?

00:56:04.920 It's so strange how we're now 60-40.

00:56:08.140 40% of our viewership is women.

00:56:09.900 Yeah.

00:56:10.100 Let me actually look because it's.

00:56:11.440 That's a crazy statistic.

00:56:12.360 We just broke 14,000 followers, which is pretty cool.

00:56:14.780 Oh, yeah.

00:56:16.160 I got that.

00:56:16.560 Let me eat this.

00:56:19.500 What are our anal lytics?

00:56:21.100 We're trying to figure out our lytics.

00:56:26.160 Anal?

00:56:26.720 Mm-hmm.

00:56:27.120 Audience.

00:56:28.380 Yeah.

00:56:28.600 We were.

00:56:29.020 Yeah.

00:56:29.200 It was like almost half and half, which is crazy.

00:56:32.460 That is nuts.

00:56:35.020 Yeah.

00:56:35.840 40.9 is girls.

00:56:39.920 59.1 is men.

00:56:43.620 0% is other.

00:56:45.440 Hell, yeah.

00:56:47.000 Based.

00:56:47.820 Fuck out of here, trannies.

00:56:51.100 Stop it.

00:56:53.420 Mm.

00:56:53.940 This is so good.

00:56:54.800 We barely slept that night.

00:56:57.000 Where?

00:56:57.580 The next morning, we told my mom what happened.

00:56:59.740 She didn't laugh at us, but she was also very neutral.

00:57:03.040 She wasn't going to validate it, but she also didn't make us feel stupid.

00:57:06.640 Hmm.

00:57:07.240 Hmm.

00:57:08.200 Where the hell are you reading that?

00:57:09.060 Her mom sees some shit.

00:57:10.640 I don't know.

00:57:12.620 I guess I skipped some stuff.

00:57:13.660 Maybe go ahead.

00:57:14.380 Yeah, dude.

00:57:14.820 You skipped a bunch of shit.

00:57:15.920 My bad.

00:57:16.380 That sounds insane.

00:57:17.200 We were too afraid of sleeping, so we turned on MTV to keep us safe.

00:57:20.860 And then that weird Girls Gone Wild commercial came on, and we felt awkward.

00:57:25.060 Remember those?

00:57:25.940 Yeah.

00:57:26.640 I used to live for those.

00:57:28.080 Yeah.

00:57:28.960 Be bonered up.

00:57:30.180 Boned up.

00:57:31.540 Unfortunately, this was like a week before the release of Paranormal Activity 2, and every

00:57:35.080 single commercial break showed a preview of it.

00:57:37.480 Hmm.

00:57:37.760 That didn't help anything, because now we're both like, oh, man.

00:57:40.460 We just experienced it.

00:57:41.660 Oh, man.

00:57:42.040 Now I feel bad.

00:57:43.420 Man.

00:57:44.040 And then, just to make everything worse, the desktop computer started acting possessed.

00:57:48.780 The one at the family desktop, whatever the fuck that means.

00:57:53.900 I had been watching Gossip Girl early that day on one of those sketchy free streaming websites,

00:57:59.740 as one does.

00:58:00.720 What kind of audience do we have?

00:58:02.620 Apparently 40% girls.

00:58:04.220 And to that, I say, ladies, what's wrong with you?

00:58:07.580 Why are you watching?

00:58:08.560 What the fuck does it matter with you?

00:58:09.340 Why are you watching this?

00:58:10.480 What are you doing?

00:58:11.160 We'd prefer.

00:58:13.640 You know what I also don't understand?

00:58:14.980 Perhaps.

00:58:15.540 Is like, the women?

00:58:16.920 Yeah.

00:58:17.260 They're very like.

00:58:18.840 Woman.

00:58:19.100 The women are very, like, vocal.

00:58:21.540 Yeah.

00:58:21.880 They say a lot of shit.

00:58:22.680 They don't shut up.

00:58:23.500 And the dudes that are the 60%, they don't say a lot of shit.

00:58:26.980 What does the Bible say about that?

00:58:28.800 Women.

00:58:29.440 Women talking.

00:58:30.500 Well, yeah.

00:58:30.820 What does the Bible say about women talking?

00:58:33.000 Women talking.

00:58:33.960 Let's see.

00:58:35.600 What did the Lord just ask to say?

00:58:37.240 Matt.

00:58:37.980 Matthew.

00:58:40.100 He's not going to come.

00:58:41.460 I'm going to come.

00:58:42.420 He's not going to come.

00:58:43.820 All right.

00:58:44.260 All right.

00:58:44.580 We'll figure it out.

00:58:45.500 We'll ask Matt.

00:58:45.700 I'll continue reading.

00:58:46.940 And I had paused an episode before dinner of Gossip Girl, is what she means.

00:58:52.100 Now, with the screen completely black, and the computer would randomly blast two seconds

00:58:58.180 of the episode's audio.

00:58:59.740 Ah, this is what it says.

00:59:00.500 Let your woman keep silence in the church.

00:59:03.300 It's not permitted for them to speak.

00:59:04.940 Look, she knew.

00:59:06.120 Keisha Bear knew.

00:59:07.020 Keisha with the black name knew.

00:59:08.080 Yeah.

00:59:08.800 They are commanded to be obedient.

00:59:12.640 And if they learn anything new, let them ask their husbands at home.

00:59:16.400 That's a great thing.

00:59:17.620 Yeah.

00:59:18.060 Like, every time you learn something new.

00:59:19.440 Because it's a shame for women to speak in the church.

00:59:22.140 Women.

00:59:23.040 Women.

00:59:23.540 Women to speak in the church.

00:59:25.520 Yeah.

00:59:25.880 I was actually talking to somebody today, yesterday, the day before.

00:59:30.000 But one of these days.

00:59:31.020 Was it a woman's?

00:59:32.020 Sometime.

00:59:32.480 It was a woman.

00:59:34.460 It was a woman from the, she sings in the church.

00:59:37.620 And we were talking about a whole bunch.

00:59:38.760 She's bass.

00:59:39.340 Really fun.

00:59:40.100 Okay.

00:59:40.340 And she was like, she's the type of person that does like deep dive studies on a bunch

00:59:44.220 of different subjects in the Bible.

00:59:49.540 Because she's like, because I was basically telling them about how I'm like, yeah, I like

00:59:55.040 this stuff, but I don't like just a normal church opinion.

00:59:57.800 I'm not going to stop there.

00:59:58.960 Yeah.

00:59:59.180 Letting y'all know.

01:00:00.200 Got to go further.

01:00:01.480 Yeah.

01:00:01.880 Got to push it.

01:00:02.760 Me too.

01:00:03.260 Other people walked away.

01:00:04.320 She's like, me too.

01:00:04.920 I'm crazy too.

01:00:05.820 Yeah.

01:00:06.260 Because I was like, I was talking about dinosaurs.

01:00:08.100 And then you were like, where's your husband?

01:00:09.500 Can I talk to him?

01:00:10.460 Yeah.

01:00:10.620 I was like, where is the husband?

01:00:11.540 And then she goes, actually, it's not that this is a misconception, but during the time

01:00:16.680 in the temple, the woman would sit in the back and the men would sit in the front.

01:00:21.320 And when the woman was confused, yeah, when they were confused about, they're like, what

01:00:25.260 are they saying up there?

01:00:26.640 They're saying some bass shit and I can't understand it.

01:00:29.440 Bass.

01:00:29.680 They would ask their husbands and cause a commotion because they're asking them this

01:00:33.840 way.

01:00:34.160 Like in the church, they're asking them across rows.

01:00:37.340 Yeah.

01:00:37.660 So like, yo, you got to shut up because yeah, it is embarrassing.

01:00:40.600 Yeah.

01:00:40.780 Imagine your wife is like, what does that mean?

01:00:44.460 What does he mean when he says that?

01:00:46.020 Wait, I got to find this.

01:00:47.140 So we got to, I was like, that's actually a satisfactory response from you.

01:00:51.140 I like it.

01:00:51.780 Yeah.

01:00:51.960 I like it.

01:00:52.940 Well, I, we got to, I told her to shut up.

01:00:55.080 Shut the hell up woman.

01:00:56.620 Where is, so I can't find it.

01:00:58.880 Oh, come on, man.

01:00:59.600 It was such a great, we got a really great message on, oh, I guess it's actually would

01:01:04.440 be moved to primary because I did eventually respond to it.

01:01:06.600 So we got this great message.

01:01:07.780 Yep.

01:01:07.940 Here it is.

01:01:08.660 This is really funny.

01:01:09.600 Oh, damn.

01:01:10.900 We got more, uh, more donations.

01:01:13.180 Thank you guys.

01:01:13.980 Damn.

01:01:14.220 We blabbing.

01:01:15.060 We guambing.

01:01:16.000 We guambing.

01:01:16.500 And we're live at Planet Fitness.

01:01:19.080 Here's Natalie Spooner firing up the battle ropes.

01:01:22.120 That's a hat trick of reps right there.

01:01:24.040 Now over to Emma Malte with the Hack Squad.

01:01:26.720 Talk about team carrying strength.

01:01:28.580 And here comes Emily Clark going for a new PR.

01:01:31.640 She lights the lamp with that lift.

01:01:33.620 Wow.

01:01:34.220 What a workout, folks.

01:01:35.540 Hard to believe you get all of that with one membership.

01:01:38.160 Get started for $1 down, then $15 a month.

01:01:41.040 Offer ends January 9th.

01:01:42.420 $49 annual fee applies.

01:01:44.340 Planet Fitness, the official gym of Hockey Canada.

01:01:46.700 So we got a message on Instagram from a, uh, from a page called Bimbo Astrology.

01:01:53.320 Oh, yes.

01:01:53.860 That was a good one.

01:01:54.580 And it's just a woman.

01:01:56.040 Woman.

01:01:56.720 Woman who, uh, is a bimbo.

01:01:59.180 What did they them say?

01:02:00.220 And do astrology.

01:02:02.360 They is a woman who is a bimbo and do astrology.

01:02:04.700 You know who I found out does astrology?

01:02:06.160 Who?

01:02:06.340 Oh, yeah.

01:02:10.900 Yeah.

01:02:11.580 He's an astrological ass nigga.

01:02:13.460 Whoa.

01:02:14.680 He does.

01:02:15.380 Yeah.

01:02:15.680 Talking about the age of Aquarius.

01:02:17.160 Yeah.

01:02:17.520 Or age of Pisces.

01:02:18.400 He loves it.

01:02:19.120 Yeah.

01:02:19.740 He loves it.

01:02:20.340 He's like, do you know why, Jesus?

01:02:21.940 This is a crazy one.

01:02:24.000 Everything I see now, now I'm like, I've got to be combative with him.

01:02:27.140 Why is this?

01:02:27.520 Why is he not, like, biblically grounded?

01:02:29.060 Why is he, like, well, it doesn't matter.

01:02:30.380 Hold on.

01:02:30.520 That's why they named his logo the fish.

01:02:33.500 Because, okay, go ahead.

01:02:34.380 We'll talk about the woman's.

01:02:35.220 So, bimbo astrology, who is a bimbo, who do astrology.

01:02:38.120 I'm not doing this.

01:02:38.800 No, this is what we're doing.

01:02:41.120 Messaged us.

01:02:42.020 And she said this, which is wonderful.

01:02:43.900 She goes, I don't understand if your podcast.

01:02:47.060 A lot of words.

01:02:47.960 Well, because woman.

01:02:48.780 I don't understand if your podcast is woman-friendly.

01:02:52.240 On one hand, you are teaching important things.

01:02:54.940 And women seek knowledge.

01:02:57.980 On the other hand.

01:02:58.960 I'm sorry.

01:02:59.260 I'm sorry.

01:02:59.720 We're going to lose most of our female.

01:03:01.840 We've actually.

01:03:02.660 No.

01:03:02.840 Ladies.

01:03:03.260 Kate does the upside down smiley face, but she knows we love her.

01:03:06.160 Yo, ladies.

01:03:06.760 We've been formulating our show to be more lady-friendly.

01:03:13.720 Oh, yeah.

01:03:14.280 The wallpaper.

01:03:15.420 Right?

01:03:15.980 You like the wallpaper?

01:03:16.880 We hired a social media manager who is a girl.

01:03:22.480 Who is a woman.

01:03:23.300 That does woman stuff.

01:03:25.440 Yeah.

01:03:26.160 And then we're going to start making short-form content.

01:03:29.620 Oh, yeah.

01:03:30.100 The woman in a womanly fashion.

01:03:32.360 Yeah.

01:03:33.680 So, that way you guys could, like, watch it.

01:03:37.340 Is that what we should be doing?

01:03:39.720 I don't know, man.

01:03:40.460 But Bimbo Astrology said.

01:03:42.000 Pandas, wait a second.

01:03:42.880 This is very just.

01:03:44.440 What does Panda Fly say?

01:03:45.360 I like Panda Fly.

01:03:46.040 I feel very safe here.

01:03:47.640 Hell, yeah.

01:03:48.160 I don't.

01:03:48.900 But no.

01:03:49.480 What are we doing here?

01:03:50.860 Mason is not the social media person.

01:03:52.680 She's a bird.

01:03:54.100 So.

01:03:55.220 I feel like how many times have you said.

01:03:56.760 She's a coffee pouring bird.

01:03:57.880 She's a big bird.

01:03:59.900 So, Bimbo Astrology says, on one hand, you are teaching important things.

01:04:05.660 And women seek knowledge.

01:04:07.420 Yes.

01:04:08.040 And then she says, on the other hand, sometimes it makes me cry.

01:04:12.480 You have to drink the seed to get the knowledge.

01:04:14.520 No, that's not what women are supposed to do.

01:04:16.320 She goes, on the other hand, sometimes it makes me cry.

01:04:19.600 It makes me cry.

01:04:20.440 And then she says, I hope you receive many blessings.

01:04:22.660 This is a real email.

01:04:23.440 This is a real email.

01:04:24.100 And then she goes, I hope you receive many blessings this holiday season.

01:04:28.340 To which I say, thank you.

01:04:31.260 Blap, blap, blap.

01:04:34.180 That's literally it.

01:04:35.600 Just, blap, blap, blap.

01:04:36.740 And then she hearts it.

01:04:37.580 And then we don't have any further dialogue.

01:04:39.520 But I did think that was kind of the greatest email that we've ever received.

01:04:43.560 Yeah.

01:04:43.800 She was like, hey, man.

01:04:44.680 I don't know how to feel about this.

01:04:46.220 You guys seem like you hate woman.

01:04:48.940 Woman.

01:04:49.820 Woman.

01:04:50.480 But also, you teach important things.

01:04:53.040 But I look and I say, 40% of the woman be watching this.

01:04:57.420 Yeah.

01:04:58.080 I don't know what that is.

01:04:59.180 There's a type of woman.

01:05:01.180 I think it's woman with fatherly issues.

01:05:04.800 Who are like.

01:05:05.460 I like when somebody says, like, you know, mean things.

01:05:10.120 And it's like 25 to 44 year old woman.

01:05:14.280 Woman.

01:05:15.260 Woman.

01:05:16.720 That's who be watching this thing.

01:05:19.460 Sometimes it makes me cry.

01:05:21.220 We like honesty.

01:05:23.020 I don't get it.

01:05:24.180 I don't understand.

01:05:25.120 My wife doesn't like this show.

01:05:26.280 My wife's sitting right outside there.

01:05:27.500 My wife.

01:05:28.120 Stop it.

01:05:28.680 My wife.

01:05:29.400 She's sitting right outside there.

01:05:30.660 And she goes, you still going to do this show?

01:05:32.480 After I went out because David had diarrhea.

01:05:34.840 And I go, yeah, I got to finish the show.

01:05:36.300 I didn't use the diarrhea.

01:05:37.020 I kept it.

01:05:37.760 I got to finish the show.

01:05:39.100 And she just goes, I don't like what you're doing in there.

01:05:43.740 I don't like it.

01:05:44.260 See, Pandafly says I got major daddy issues.

01:05:46.000 Okay.

01:05:46.420 All right.

01:05:46.740 So this is the key.

01:05:47.440 This is making sense.

01:05:48.180 You net.

01:05:48.800 I'm just trying to figure out like when we run our ads, how to target you.

01:05:54.260 Daddy issued women.

01:05:55.320 Queef Latina said Raven farts like a woman.

01:05:57.100 And that's not nice.

01:05:57.560 Yeah, but that's a boy.

01:05:58.740 I don't.

01:05:59.180 I'd be flarping, dude.

01:06:00.040 I'd be like.

01:06:00.640 All right.

01:06:00.980 Let's read.

01:06:01.420 We got to get back to the story.

01:06:02.220 And I paused an episode before dinner.

01:06:04.400 Now with the screen completely black, the computer would randomly blast two seconds of the episode's audio.

01:06:09.860 Then silence.

01:06:10.920 Then two more seconds.

01:06:12.160 Then silence.

01:06:12.820 Over and over.

01:06:13.940 Like someone was tapping the play button on purpose.

01:06:16.700 They don't have these type of problems in this rich household.

01:06:19.340 Yeah.

01:06:20.020 With their many rooms.

01:06:21.800 Many rooms.

01:06:22.960 We barely slept at all that night.

01:06:24.780 The next morning, we told my mom what had happened.

01:06:27.820 She didn't laugh at us, but she was also very neutral.

01:06:31.660 Perhaps.

01:06:32.300 She wasn't going to validate it, but she also didn't make us feel stupid.

01:06:35.820 That feels like a mom is like, I have experienced these things.

01:06:39.680 Yeah.

01:06:40.140 I'm closer to the veil.

01:06:41.340 I think that's why.

01:06:42.460 Oh, because women are closer to the veil.

01:06:44.260 They're close.

01:06:44.860 They'd be close to the veil.

01:06:45.920 Yep.

01:06:46.140 And we'd be at the veil.

01:06:48.360 Sometimes we'd be at the, coming at you live from the veil.

01:06:50.780 From the veil.

01:06:51.860 From the coffee shop.

01:06:52.560 AKA the standard coffee shop.

01:06:54.160 The coffee shop and casino.

01:06:55.220 No one else in my family ever experienced anything paranormal in that house.

01:06:58.640 But when I left for college.

01:07:00.560 All right.

01:07:01.020 We get it.

01:07:01.440 You're fucking well off.

01:07:02.860 It took my parents years to sell the place.

01:07:04.640 They're about to catch you busted right here.

01:07:06.460 What's this?

01:07:06.680 I thought you didn't read the IG messages.

01:07:08.920 Is he sending us stuff there?

01:07:15.020 I got him.

01:07:16.200 I don't know.

01:07:16.860 I don't know what's happening there.

01:07:18.560 He saw one from bimbo astrology.

01:07:20.800 And he's like, I'll read that.

01:07:22.000 Well, when it says you make me cry.

01:07:23.600 I mean.

01:07:23.960 Number one.

01:07:24.500 Yeah.

01:07:24.620 First off.

01:07:25.520 If your name tag is bimbo astrology.

01:07:28.120 Yeah.

01:07:28.540 And then like what comes up is you made me cry.

01:07:31.520 Hell yeah.

01:07:31.880 I'm clicking on it.

01:07:32.620 Okay.

01:07:32.920 Here's what does that say?

01:07:34.460 Hold on.

01:07:34.980 Wait, wait, wait.

01:07:35.400 What's G by Jonathan saying?

01:07:37.740 Better be good.

01:07:42.260 What does he say?

01:07:44.080 I don't know.

01:07:45.080 What do you mean you don't know?

01:07:46.320 Check your Instagram G by Jonathan.

01:07:49.400 All right.

01:07:49.740 So.

01:07:51.840 What was it?

01:07:52.520 Nobody else in my family.

01:07:53.900 It took my parents years to sell the place during that time.

01:07:55.680 My mom would stop by the empty house every week to clean and make sure it looked good

01:07:59.540 for showings.

01:08:00.560 So wait up.

01:08:01.160 They left it?

01:08:01.660 She's trying to sell it because her kids moved to college.

01:08:03.600 They don't need a 16 bedroom house.

01:08:05.720 So they just left it and bought another house before they sold it?

01:08:09.660 Wealthy.

01:08:11.180 Wealthy.

01:08:12.040 Wealthy.

01:08:12.800 Rich.

01:08:13.440 Let me look.

01:08:14.080 Hold on.

01:08:14.500 I could do a thing on Patreon to see how much she pays us a month.

01:08:17.180 Oh, yeah.

01:08:17.420 I would like to know.

01:08:17.940 Search up Holly.

01:08:18.720 I bet you she doesn't pay us.

01:08:19.680 If it's not a three figure per month kind of a deal.

01:08:23.580 Holly, we're looking at you, Holly.

01:08:24.860 So it took him a long time to sell the place.

01:08:26.820 She would show up and clean it.

01:08:27.620 She told me that every single time she'd find piles of dead roaches on the basement staircase

01:08:31.340 like more than normal.

01:08:34.800 She always got the same feeling of dread while picking them up.

01:08:38.220 She's a free member.

01:08:39.700 Holly's a free member.

01:08:40.500 Or a $5 member.

01:08:41.520 Holly.

01:08:42.520 Holly.

01:08:43.180 You have the money.

01:08:46.660 Holly.

01:08:47.320 We need your money.

01:08:49.460 Yeah, Holly.

01:08:50.480 How are we supposed to start this cult?

01:08:51.720 How are we supposed to be in the three seater McLaren?

01:08:54.400 Holly.

01:08:55.160 Holly.

01:08:56.560 Come on.

01:08:57.200 Holly doesn't watch anymore because we took probably six months to read this.

01:09:00.480 No, this is fairly recent.

01:09:02.160 Is it?

01:09:03.740 No.

01:09:04.420 I don't think it is.

01:09:05.520 Yeah, this is like reading tweets from Charlie Kirk.

01:09:08.380 All right.

01:09:09.020 Right?

01:09:09.400 Isn't that weird?

01:09:10.360 Tweets from Charlie Kirk?

01:09:12.020 Tweets from Charlie Kirk is a banger podcast name.

01:09:14.100 Yeah, that is it.

01:09:15.120 I feel like we come up with a lot of great.

01:09:16.760 The idea that Austin Picard is still not doing the Austism report is so crazy.

01:09:23.760 I think it's because, like he said, he just drags his feet.

01:09:26.240 He probably got big feet.

01:09:27.500 He's got like a size 17 shoe.

01:09:29.200 Yeah.

01:09:29.280 When he came to the house, big, big feet.

01:09:31.320 Yeah, it's like that clown from The Simpsons.

01:09:35.880 Yeah.

01:09:36.100 Big yellow feet.

01:09:37.600 You know what they say about guys with big feet.

01:09:40.100 Great podcast.

01:09:41.500 Need new microphones.

01:09:42.320 Can't have both, can't have big feet.

01:09:45.740 I will seriously.

01:09:46.440 And good microphones.

01:09:47.160 I will brand all of his shit if he changes to the Austism report.

01:09:50.300 Well, he is a guy, I will admit, like should be taken seriously.

01:09:53.760 Yeah.

01:09:54.100 So if you have a show called the Austism report, you would really think like that's comedy

01:09:58.760 when this dude is just laying down shit that will kind of ruin your life.

01:10:02.200 Then it should just be like the Austin Picard show or the Austin Picard report.

01:10:06.560 APR.

01:10:07.700 No, APR.

01:10:09.380 APR.

01:10:10.000 As opposed to like NPR.

01:10:11.420 Yeah.

01:10:11.880 All right.

01:10:12.320 And brand it like that.

01:10:14.780 It's on the nose.

01:10:16.320 All right.

01:10:16.940 Guys with big feet is a lie, says Reb Sims.

01:10:19.840 Well, I mean, I've seen Austin's penis.

01:10:21.580 It's huge.

01:10:22.680 Wow.

01:10:23.380 Yeah.

01:10:23.880 All right.

01:10:24.520 Where was I at?

01:10:25.400 I lost my place now.

01:10:26.300 No one else in my family experienced.

01:10:27.580 Nobody else in my family put Thomas in it.

01:10:31.380 There's a lot of cockroaches on the staircase, like more than normal.

01:10:34.720 What?

01:10:35.160 She always got the same feeling of dread when she was picking him up.

01:10:37.980 Why was she picking him up?

01:10:39.360 Well, because you're showing up to...

01:10:41.880 To clean the place because you got to show it.

01:10:44.500 You know what I mean?

01:10:44.920 So she shows up periodically to clean it.

01:10:46.500 Every time she shows up...

01:10:47.580 You picking him up?

01:10:47.960 There's a disturbing amount of cucarachas.

01:10:50.660 My wife is like...

01:10:51.440 My wife!

01:10:52.440 My wife!

01:10:53.060 Is terribly afraid of roaches.

01:10:55.600 Yeah.

01:10:55.720 And my kids got fake roaches.

01:10:58.760 And they've just been putting them in her bags.

01:11:00.800 They put them everywhere.

01:11:01.720 That's funny.

01:11:02.340 It's very funny.

01:11:03.320 Every so often you just hear a scream.

01:11:05.480 I'm like, they got her again.

01:11:08.100 Got her.

01:11:08.760 I like that.

01:11:09.520 Yeah.

01:11:09.860 Where was I?

01:11:10.300 So there's all these roaches.

01:11:11.920 She blamed it on empty nest nerves.

01:11:15.480 But honestly, I think she feels the spirit too.

01:11:17.480 So basically saying she's creeped out when she has to clean up these roaches.

01:11:20.560 And she's saying because empty nest nerves?

01:11:22.600 I don't really know what that means.

01:11:23.340 Empty nest is when your kids leave the house.

01:11:25.680 Yeah, but empty nest nerves?

01:11:27.120 Like you're feeling freaky?

01:11:28.580 Freaked out?

01:11:29.620 Feeling freaky?

01:11:30.600 Feeling freaky?

01:11:31.540 Nasty, huh?

01:11:32.220 What the fuck?

01:11:33.180 She's got that milf.

01:11:34.200 What the fuck, bro?

01:11:35.440 Holly's mom.

01:11:36.420 Holly's mom is got it going on.

01:11:38.660 Probably.

01:11:40.060 Well, I mean, she's got many rooms.

01:11:42.540 I'd say like middle-aged woman like that.

01:11:44.520 Woman?

01:11:44.880 Woman, yeah.

01:11:45.400 Older middle-aged woman like that.

01:11:46.880 Probably take good care of themselves.

01:11:48.360 They're wealthy.

01:11:49.420 Their husband works in a corporate setting.

01:11:51.300 He's probably not home that often.

01:11:52.640 She probably has a personal trainer.

01:11:54.360 She's probably trying to.

01:11:55.580 Oh, my God, dude.

01:11:56.440 Okay, this is too much.

01:11:57.620 No, I'm not going to say any names.

01:11:59.480 But I know of somebody that like had a boyfriend.

01:12:06.700 They had a kid.

01:12:08.140 As soon as the kid was born, within the first year,

01:12:11.100 they closed on their first house.

01:12:13.240 And we're live at Planet Fitness.

01:12:15.400 Here's Natalie Spooner firing up the battle ropes.

01:12:18.540 That's a hat trick of reps right there.

01:12:20.380 Now over to Emma Malte with the Hack Squad.

01:12:23.040 Talk about team carrying strength.

01:12:24.920 And here comes Emily Clark going for a new PR.

01:12:27.460 She lights the lamp with that lift.

01:12:29.960 Wow.

01:12:30.540 What a workout, folks.

01:12:31.900 Hard to believe you get all of that with one membership.

01:12:34.560 Get started for $1 down, then $15 a month.

01:12:37.420 Offer ends January 9th.

01:12:38.880 $49 annual fee applies.

01:12:40.680 Planet Fitness, the official gym of Hockey Canada.

01:12:43.880 And then she...

01:12:45.320 You're about to tell me a bad story.

01:12:46.600 Yeah, dude.

01:12:47.160 And then she was like, got to get this body back in shape,

01:12:50.020 started going to the thing, got a personal trainer.

01:12:53.060 Oh, no.

01:12:55.020 Fucked a personal trainer.

01:12:56.380 Don't let your wife do jujitsu.

01:12:58.320 Don't let your wife do jujitsu.

01:13:00.360 No.

01:13:01.540 That's a thing.

01:13:03.440 And then basically...

01:13:05.380 And also the personal trainer is a wager with gold grills.

01:13:09.800 And now they've separated.

01:13:14.580 And then this baby's like...

01:13:17.120 Gold grills?

01:13:17.660 Gold grills.

01:13:18.200 This baby's like only a year old, right?

01:13:20.860 Oh, I think you've told me about this person.

01:13:22.620 And now they're separated.

01:13:25.020 And immediately already, wager with the gold grills is taking pictures with the baby on his shoulders.

01:13:29.720 Wager's...

01:13:30.720 Dude.

01:13:35.040 That one.

01:13:36.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.480 Uh-huh.

01:13:37.340 Yeah, you got that one.

01:13:38.420 And it gets crazy, too, because dude's like, yo, can we just meet?

01:13:41.520 Like, you're around my son.

01:13:42.840 I got to know who you are.

01:13:43.980 We got to meet.

01:13:44.900 And you know what the wager says?

01:13:45.860 Like, nah, son.

01:13:47.360 Wager's like, why would I meet you?

01:13:48.820 Why would I meet you?

01:13:49.700 No regrets.

01:13:50.880 Nah.

01:13:51.060 But then baby on his shoulders.

01:13:53.560 Damn, boy.

01:13:54.560 This kid's getting heavy, boy.

01:13:56.500 Bro.

01:13:57.520 Not a lot of things would cause...

01:13:59.080 Because as far as I'm concerned, I would look at it as like, hey, I dodged a bullet.

01:14:03.740 Whatever.

01:14:04.200 I'm free.

01:14:04.840 You know what I mean?

01:14:05.660 Like, life is beautiful.

01:14:06.820 I got this beautiful baby.

01:14:08.540 I got a house that I fucking...

01:14:09.600 They'd be like, yo, come over here.

01:14:10.600 Take care of your kid.

01:14:11.260 I'd be like, nah.

01:14:11.640 I'm not doing this.

01:14:14.140 But as soon as the wager with the gold grills starts carrying my son around on his shoulders...

01:14:19.060 Hey, 40% of ladies.

01:14:20.740 Yeah.

01:14:20.980 You listening?

01:14:22.000 Stop that.

01:14:22.620 Cut it out.

01:14:23.500 Don't do that.

01:14:24.260 That's crazy.

01:14:25.140 Yeah.

01:14:25.460 That's crazy work.

01:14:26.840 That's crazy.

01:14:27.400 I really don't like that.

01:14:28.100 Imagine having another man in your guard.

01:14:30.200 Bang.

01:14:30.720 Oh.

01:14:31.660 Well, jiu-jitsu?

01:14:32.600 Yeah, that's...

01:14:33.340 You know what I don't like is with the times that I've done jiu-jitsu and then they've been

01:14:36.020 like, all right, get into like, you know, closed guard.

01:14:38.860 Get into your opponent's guard.

01:14:40.300 Okay, now listen to me.

01:14:41.420 I'm going to tell you what to do.

01:14:42.380 And then you're just sitting there with a dude, missionary style.

01:14:45.020 That's why I'm doing jiu-jitsu.

01:14:46.180 Yeah.

01:14:46.560 I just realized it's kind of gay.

01:14:47.940 I stopped.

01:14:48.340 I'd rather get punched in the face.

01:14:50.100 Yeah.

01:14:50.560 Yeah.

01:14:50.800 The punching is better.

01:14:51.780 It's less gay.

01:14:53.200 It's way less gay.

01:14:54.480 What the hell is giggling out there?

01:14:55.480 Anywho, I do want to see what people say about that, though.

01:14:58.360 Raven on the small screen looks like he's wearing guy-liner.

01:15:00.100 I wonder if this is...

01:15:00.780 Okay, that's not right.

01:15:01.200 I'm going to do everything I can to lose female viewers.

01:15:04.300 I think the more we try to, the more they show up.

01:15:06.780 I mean, look at...

01:15:07.220 We've said some pretty horrifying things and then like the percentage has gone up.

01:15:11.400 Yeah.

01:15:13.120 I say horrible things to my wife and I think she likes me more.

01:15:16.740 Maybe this works.

01:15:17.860 Maybe you know what it is?

01:15:19.060 They just like to be talked down to.

01:15:20.520 You got to hit them a little bit.

01:15:22.640 Verbally.

01:15:23.260 Not verbally.

01:15:24.580 Okay, that's enough.

01:15:25.360 See, like they're going to kick us out the coffee shop.

01:15:26.620 Okay.

01:15:27.660 Painkillers.

01:15:28.460 Painkillers.

01:15:29.120 I was hopelessly addicted to painkillers.

01:15:30.860 No, dude.

01:15:31.260 We didn't even get there yet.

01:15:32.520 She blamed it on empty nest vibes.

01:15:33.880 And now that I'm writing all this out, I just remembered another weird moment with Victoria

01:15:38.620 in that house.

01:15:39.240 We were in fourth grade at the time.

01:15:40.500 Oh, my God.

01:15:41.240 I think I got a booger.

01:15:42.780 Playing in the secret room that was adjacent to the long hallway that was across from my

01:15:46.420 father's butler closet at the desk with the family desk.

01:15:49.760 Next to the front yard.

01:15:50.760 Next to the front yard.

01:15:51.720 The second front yard.

01:15:55.100 So, so, so.

01:15:56.780 Playing with the front yard that's in front of the hedge maze.

01:16:00.360 Yes.

01:16:00.780 Yeah.

01:16:01.160 If he could get through the hedge maze and pass the minotaur.

01:16:04.000 So, my mother was mowing the front yard.

01:16:07.020 My dad and sister must have been gone because it was just us and my mom.

01:16:11.020 Anyway, we're in that little crawl space and suddenly both of us get the same feeling.

01:16:15.440 Like something was watching us.

01:16:16.900 Of course, being dramatic 10-year-olds, we convinced ourselves it was Chucky.

01:16:20.760 Literally my biggest fear back then.

01:16:22.080 Maybe it's just like rich white woman nerves.

01:16:23.900 Could be.

01:16:24.280 I'm fine with, you know, chalking it up to that.

01:16:28.740 We crawled out of there so fast and sprinted outside screaming.

01:16:32.160 My mom stopped mowing and was like, what the hell?

01:16:34.900 And we were just yelling, Chucky is in the secret room.

01:16:37.560 That's a good, that's a, it should be called Chucky in the secret room.

01:16:41.180 It should be the name of the episode.

01:16:42.240 Yeah.

01:16:42.440 Yeah.

01:16:42.540 Yeah.

01:16:42.680 Yeah.

01:16:42.760 She definitely thought we were retarded.

01:16:46.020 So, she kept mowing.

01:16:47.360 But we stayed on the driveway until she finished because we didn't want to go back inside.

01:16:51.140 Now, I'm going to tell you about how I was addicted to painkillers.

01:16:53.580 The next month.

01:16:54.520 What the hell, man?

01:16:55.620 November 2010.

01:16:56.520 You know what?

01:16:56.840 I do want to tell a quick story.

01:16:59.280 Go ahead.

01:16:59.400 So, I listened to like a lot of like, no, this one's not a dream.

01:17:03.780 Okay.

01:17:04.120 It's a story.

01:17:04.920 It's a story.

01:17:05.920 So, one time, I remember this day because it was overshadowed by another event where if

01:17:11.180 this other event didn't happen, I would remember this more readily, like what actually happened.

01:17:15.580 But we left, we used to go hang out at the mall, you know, like teenagers.

01:17:19.480 We would hang out at the mall together and we would, you know, fish money out of the fountain

01:17:23.820 so that we could change the coins into dollar bills so that we could then buy weed from the

01:17:27.760 weed person and then we could smoke.

01:17:29.480 So, we had had a successful day of fishing coins out of the thing.

01:17:32.440 We had gotten our weed.

01:17:33.440 We had rolled up a blunt and we went on a walk.

01:17:35.800 And I think my cousin was there and I got to talk to him to see if he remembers his cousin

01:17:39.120 Gabe.

01:17:39.460 Yeah.

01:17:40.020 And so, we basically drove around in one of our friend's cars.

01:17:46.920 You know, you have a friend who has a car, so he's a designated driver, dude.

01:17:49.480 We found a place where we could get out and smoke and we started walking like on this

01:17:53.660 path kind of into the woods.

01:17:55.000 I wouldn't call it the woods.

01:17:55.660 It was a small, you know, area with trees, woods, whatever.

01:17:59.740 So, the reason I don't remember this as often as I should is because that day there was a

01:18:06.020 shooting at the mall that we were just at.

01:18:07.760 So, that's what overshadowed it.

01:18:09.380 It was like, yo, we were just at the mall.

01:18:11.560 But we found out that there was a shooting at the mall immediately after a really bizarre

01:18:15.780 event.

01:18:16.500 We're walking down this.

01:18:17.960 It's, this path in the woods is like, there's like, it's more like hedges instead of trees.

01:18:24.440 So, you really can't penetrate the tree line on either side.

01:18:27.720 And the path is about enough, wide enough for like two people to be side by side.

01:18:33.200 So, very narrow.

01:18:34.700 And you're not doing that because if you are side by side, you're going to be brushing

01:18:37.260 into the hedge line.

01:18:38.460 Yeah.

01:18:38.640 So, we get like decently far down this path.

01:18:43.780 And all of a sudden, there's like, there was a lot of us.

01:18:48.580 There was like, I think we had met up with other friends there.

01:18:52.020 So, there was like more than six people.

01:18:54.620 Right?

01:18:55.060 And all of a sudden, something comes out of the hedge line.

01:19:03.880 And it's huge.

01:19:05.180 It's a black baby.

01:19:06.280 No.

01:19:07.060 We thought it was a bear.

01:19:09.040 Hmm.

01:19:09.440 On its hind legs.

01:19:11.460 Does that look spooky?

01:19:12.980 I don't think so.

01:19:14.260 I don't think it looks spooky.

01:19:15.180 I think it just looks, yeah, it's a little darker.

01:19:16.280 It's kind of nice.

01:19:16.820 I like it.

01:19:17.360 Yeah.

01:19:17.580 We're just doing really creative things with the lights in here.

01:19:19.160 But yeah, we thought it was a bear.

01:19:20.900 Okay.

01:19:21.900 That came out on its hind legs.

01:19:23.520 Which, this is Edison, New Jersey.

01:19:25.960 I guess you could have black bear.

01:19:27.320 They're not going to be that big though.

01:19:28.600 Black bear really aren't that big.

01:19:30.100 Yeah.

01:19:30.840 And this thing was fucking huge.

01:19:32.260 It's just a big silhouette.

01:19:34.040 And you're just remembering this now for no reason?

01:19:36.860 I don't remember why I remembered it.

01:19:40.980 Anywho, so it comes out of the hedge line.

01:19:43.720 And then like, we all run.

01:19:45.660 And there's dudes and chicks, right?

01:19:47.540 No heroes among us.

01:19:48.720 And I was very fast.

01:19:50.060 I left everybody.

01:19:52.100 I was blowing past people.

01:19:54.500 Hear that, ladies?

01:19:55.400 I'm not saving you.

01:19:56.420 We're out of here.

01:19:56.960 We're going to, you're going to die.

01:19:59.840 Not me.

01:20:00.540 Yeah.

01:20:00.840 I have a podcast to do.

01:20:02.160 It's my destiny.

01:20:03.160 Amen.

01:20:03.660 I got a podcast.

01:20:04.520 You're going to die.

01:20:05.400 We all run.

01:20:07.180 Like, everybody runs.

01:20:09.420 And I feel like I could hear it like moving, you know, through shit.

01:20:15.380 I never heard like a roar or noise from it or anything like that.

01:20:18.460 But I, you know, got the sense.

01:20:20.840 All this, the sound accompanied with a really big thing chasing you was there.

01:20:25.740 Yeah.

01:20:26.560 And we hauled ass.

01:20:28.840 We get out of this like tree line area and out onto the road.

01:20:32.560 And we run down the road.

01:20:34.740 And then we finally like catch our breaths, you know, palms on our knees.

01:20:39.020 And then all of a sudden our phone rings.

01:20:40.880 Somebody's phone rings.

01:20:41.740 And everybody starts getting calls.

01:20:42.820 There's been a shooting at the mall.

01:20:43.840 All the homies are like hitting up everybody's different cell phone.

01:20:46.240 So like immediately overshadowed by this.

01:20:49.560 Damn.

01:20:49.860 Was like, what?

01:20:50.680 Because we were all hanging out because we were all faggots.

01:20:52.800 You know.

01:20:52.960 That's like how alien stuff works.

01:20:54.940 Like you'll see, you'll see like a UFO or something like that.

01:20:57.560 And then immediately you're just like the next thing.

01:21:00.760 I got to talk to Gabe and see if he was there for that.

01:21:02.880 I don't remember.

01:21:03.240 But it was weird, man.

01:21:04.220 It was weird because I thought I saw something super big.

01:21:09.160 Like a big outline of a big ass thing.

01:21:11.980 Like, and it was just like bear.

01:21:14.400 Oh my God, it's a bear.

01:21:15.540 So like we totally just.

01:21:16.460 Like maybe.

01:21:17.380 Maybe it could have been a bear.

01:21:19.160 It's not out of the realm of possibilities.

01:21:21.080 It is, you know, it's New Jersey.

01:21:22.120 It's a black bear thing.

01:21:23.100 Yeah.

01:21:23.300 Maybe it wasn't as big as I remembered it being, but it didn't do a bear noise.

01:21:29.180 You seen it.

01:21:29.680 You seen a dog bear, man.

01:21:31.460 Bear dog.

01:21:32.580 Interesting.

01:21:33.180 A dog bear man, man bear pig.

01:21:34.660 Anyway, the next month, November, 2010, I had to get oral surgery.

01:21:38.140 One of my teeth was literally growing sideways because I'm all messed up.

01:21:41.540 And my orthodontist had a surgeon attack, attach a tiny chain to it so that they can slowly

01:21:48.120 crank it down into place like some medieval torture device.

01:21:50.720 That's crazy.

01:21:51.240 I got into surgery around 1030 a.m., but I would not wake up.

01:21:56.100 My poor mom sat in the waiting room for over two hours while the nurse kept trying to shake

01:22:00.300 me awake.

01:22:02.000 Eventually, the two of them basically hauled me to the car like a floppy rag doll.

01:22:05.980 She's fine.

01:22:07.280 She just floppy.

01:22:08.600 Bring her home.

01:22:08.900 Bring her to one of the rooms.

01:22:09.980 Yeah.

01:22:10.120 Put her in the room that's adjacent to the pantry room above the butler's living quarters.

01:22:15.320 And as soon as I was in the passenger seat, I fell asleep again.

01:22:18.100 Somehow, my mom managed to drag me inside and onto the couch in the man cave.

01:22:22.120 See, he's just very room specific.

01:22:23.640 Well, it's because she's like, because you're 10.

01:22:25.760 Yeah, that's true, too.

01:22:26.540 You're not that heavy.

01:22:27.400 Come on.

01:22:28.180 Where I continued to sleep until like 8 p.m.

01:22:30.280 Damn, that's a long ass time.

01:22:32.100 Meanwhile, my sister had to beg a ride home from a classmate because my mom couldn't have

01:22:36.560 left me alone in the house looking like a corpse.

01:22:38.780 Dang.

01:22:40.260 She said she kept coming over to me every half hour to check if I was breathing.

01:22:43.940 Yeah, look at the lighting in this place.

01:22:45.240 Come on, dude.

01:22:45.720 Yeah, fucking great lighting.

01:22:47.320 We got lights.

01:22:48.000 So many lights.

01:22:50.380 Mad lights.

01:22:52.020 Literally putting her hand under my nose because I looked dead.

01:22:55.680 They had put me on Vicodin and I was all fucked up.

01:23:00.860 Surgery was on Thursday and on Saturday, my sister had her 17th birthday party at Dave

01:23:05.940 and Buster's with some friends.

01:23:07.040 Rich people shit.

01:23:08.040 Rich people shit.

01:23:08.720 Only rich people go to Dave and Buster's.

01:23:10.060 It's expensive.

01:23:11.520 It is expensive.

01:23:12.280 It's expensive.

01:23:12.480 It's really not that great.

01:23:13.700 No.

01:23:14.280 Like to have an arcade nowadays doesn't make any sense.

01:23:18.160 We don't have all the classic games that we had growing up.

01:23:20.340 Now all arcade games suck ass.

01:23:23.020 My kids love to go to the arcade.

01:23:24.340 Yeah, because it's lights and it's colors and it's like, there's all that noise and

01:23:29.320 shit, but it sucks.

01:23:31.720 You sound like Donnie from, you get to play for three seconds and then you die and you're

01:23:35.120 like, fuck, it sucks.

01:23:37.620 We should burn down the arcade.

01:23:39.200 I agree.

01:23:39.760 High out of my skull.

01:23:41.160 High.

01:23:41.580 She's at Dave and Buster's.

01:23:42.440 I'm high as shit.

01:23:43.600 I spent around the entire time and there was not the word around in there.

01:23:47.660 I spent the entire time at one single game.

01:23:50.220 The entire is actually italicized.

01:23:53.320 Italian.

01:23:55.180 Storm stopper.

01:23:56.560 The one where the light goes around in a circle and you got to hit the button right

01:24:00.020 as it lands on jackpot.

01:24:01.400 Oh, she probably saw that and the light going in slow motion.

01:24:03.880 And I swear to you in my Vicodin haze, I was convinced the pain meds had given me superpowers

01:24:09.220 because I hit the jackpot every single time.

01:24:11.880 Yeah.

01:24:12.140 I'm not exaggerating.

01:24:13.700 I knew the exact millisecond to press the button.

01:24:17.220 Somewhere in an old memory card at my parents' house is a photo of me with arms full of

01:24:22.320 tickets, smiling with my mouth full of braces.

01:24:24.840 Like she needed them.

01:24:25.800 I used the tickets to get a giant Peter Griffin doll, but that didn't matter because my family

01:24:30.500 was rich and we could buy me all the Peter Griffin dolls I ever wanted.

01:24:33.800 We had a Peter Griffin doll in every single one of my 18 rooms in my father's mansion.

01:24:38.360 It's crazy.

01:24:39.620 It's crazy that this is even in the story.

01:24:41.360 This is a fucking wild story.

01:24:43.460 You wanted us to read this to Matt?

01:24:45.140 Jeez, man.

01:24:46.100 I don't remember how long I was on the medication.

01:24:47.880 My mom would keep it from me and give it to me as I needed, but I was already hooked.

01:24:52.420 Hooked.

01:24:52.860 Hooked.

01:24:53.260 Line?

01:24:54.420 Perhaps.

01:24:55.040 Sinker.

01:24:56.000 One night, she went to take a walk around the neighborhood and I immediately went digging

01:25:00.480 around in her purse to get another pill out.

01:25:02.720 She came back and found me struggling to open the lid.

01:25:05.460 It was a child safety lid and I was retarded.

01:25:07.400 I was too high also, I guess.

01:25:09.560 That's what she said.

01:25:10.900 She's a great mom, so she flushed the pills that night.

01:25:14.020 I had a classmate named Kyle who definitely did Vicodin and he sat behind me in English

01:25:18.680 class, not Egypt class.

01:25:20.500 And when I told him everything, he said he could get more from his mom's medicine cabinet.

01:25:24.600 I predicted that shit because his name is Kyle.

01:25:26.540 Yep.

01:25:27.140 I told him no.

01:25:28.420 I was already ashamed of what my mom had caught me doing and I think some part of

01:25:32.340 me finally understood how dangerous the path could get.

01:25:35.040 Unfortunately, Kyle was a piece of shit.

01:25:37.400 And he died of a drug overdose six years later.

01:25:39.800 Dang.

01:25:39.980 That's crazy.

01:25:40.840 Why would you call him a piece of shit, Holly?

01:25:42.060 Rest in peace, Kyle.

01:25:43.260 I added the piece of shit part.

01:25:44.560 Holly didn't say that.

01:25:45.700 That's it for now.

01:25:47.060 I have more to tell you.

01:25:48.380 My prodigal son era.

01:25:52.540 Prodigal daughter era.

01:25:53.840 A Spice Girl story.

01:25:54.980 That's the...

01:25:55.500 Yeah.

01:25:55.880 You bitch.

01:25:57.540 And the cancer demon attacks.

01:25:59.540 What?

01:26:00.120 But I'll send that separately so that it doesn't turn into a 13 page novel.

01:26:03.280 Stay tuned for part two.

01:26:04.700 And we're live at Planet Fitness.

01:26:06.720 Here's Natalie Spooner firing up the battle ropes.

01:26:09.780 That's a hat trick of reps right there.

01:26:11.700 Now over to Emma Malte with the hack squad.

01:26:14.380 Talk about team carrying strength.

01:26:16.240 And here comes Emily Clark going for a new PR.

01:26:19.220 She lights the lamp with that lift.

01:26:21.240 Wow.

01:26:21.860 What a workout, folks.

01:26:23.220 Hard to believe you get all of that with one membership.

01:26:25.840 Get started for $1 down, then $15 a month.

01:26:28.720 Offer ends January 9th.

01:26:30.180 $49 annual fee applies.

01:26:32.000 Planet Fitness, the official gym of Hockey Canada.

01:26:34.680 Holly, you're a bitch of magnificent proportions.

01:26:37.880 Yeah.

01:26:38.160 Why would you tell us the layout of your father's house for fucking an hour and 30 minutes and

01:26:44.020 then be like, I got a Spice Girl story, a cancer demon story, and all kinds of other

01:26:48.560 shit.

01:26:49.380 It's crazy.

01:26:50.420 This is what happens when you have an audience of woman.

01:26:53.480 Woman.

01:26:54.680 40% woman.

01:26:57.060 90% of the episode is the layout of your house.

01:27:03.540 90% is a Zillow listing.

01:27:05.620 What the?

01:27:07.020 What the?

01:27:07.920 Hey.

01:27:08.600 I enjoyed it.

01:27:09.880 No, I enjoyed it.

01:27:11.060 I enjoyed it, though.

01:27:11.880 A little bit at your experience.

01:27:13.000 I don't think she's going to listen anymore.

01:27:14.520 No, she probably isn't.

01:27:15.560 I mean, if she's a free member.

01:27:18.040 Freemason.

01:27:19.020 You're Freemason, Holly?

01:27:20.240 We should start calling her Freemason.

01:27:21.800 I mean, we're only an hour and 30 minutes in.

01:27:23.300 Do you want to read part two?

01:27:25.200 No, my kids are out.

01:27:27.240 Do you hear them?

01:27:27.840 That's true.

01:27:29.260 Your children are outside this door.

01:27:31.120 Let's start reading part two.

01:27:34.640 Where's part two?

01:27:35.500 I got like another 10 minutes.

01:27:36.960 We'll read part two.

01:27:38.960 Well, let's see how many pages this one is.

01:27:42.320 It's going to be another seven.

01:27:43.340 It's 11.

01:27:44.860 All right.

01:27:45.300 Let's read some of it because I need to know some of it.

01:27:47.680 All right.

01:27:48.240 Do you want me to fucking start playing with it?

01:27:49.720 Yeah, just read.

01:27:50.280 Oh, cocaine midgets.

01:27:51.220 Are you kidding me?

01:27:51.840 Cocaine midgets?

01:27:52.840 You f-

01:27:53.220 Hey, Holly.

01:27:54.460 This was the one.

01:27:55.520 See, I actually suggested-

01:27:57.180 Guys, go back to the beginning of this episode.

01:27:58.700 I said-

01:27:59.160 Let's just start with the cocaine midgets.

01:28:00.740 Yeah.

01:28:01.000 Something in my body was stirring.

01:28:02.560 Something in your spirit was like, this is about to be bad.

01:28:05.740 Not bad.

01:28:06.340 I thought it was good.

01:28:07.040 No, it was good.

01:28:07.620 She writes really well.

01:28:08.560 I just think she talks too much.

01:28:09.800 Here's part two.

01:28:10.760 I'll start with the Home Depot stuff because honestly, I find it to be hilarious and I love

01:28:13.760 telling people about it.

01:28:14.900 And then I'll get into the heavier schizzer stuff.

01:28:17.080 I'm really excited to hear Matt's straight Bible on some of this.

01:28:19.500 I love it.

01:28:20.700 You're very presumptuous, Holly.

01:28:22.420 Maybe we should save it.

01:28:23.540 No.

01:28:23.680 Should we save it for Matt?

01:28:24.620 No.

01:28:25.020 Matt would want to hear this.

01:28:25.900 No, she doesn't deserve that.

01:28:29.320 It would be a long time until he could do it, though.

01:28:31.920 Perhaps.

01:28:32.820 Kisos.

01:28:33.900 All right, we'll read it.

01:28:34.720 We'll tell Matt about it after.

01:28:35.960 Probably not.

01:28:36.480 I mentioned in part one that my dad worked for the Home Depot for over 30 years, and

01:28:40.160 that's the salary he afforded a 32-bedroom house on?

01:28:44.160 What did they do at Home Depot?

01:28:45.880 I don't fucking know, dude.

01:28:46.940 Some stuff's expensive.

01:28:47.880 Actually, I'm going to get Gabe a little present.

01:28:50.900 Are you really?

01:28:51.740 Yeah.

01:28:52.020 What is he?

01:28:52.340 He does woodworking.

01:28:53.460 Yeah, he loves wood.

01:28:54.680 Maybe I'll just get him a piece of wood.

01:28:55.400 He's a big wood guy.

01:28:56.780 Small piece of wood.

01:28:58.360 Like, here you go, make something, faggot.

01:29:00.140 Why are we still reading from Holly?

01:29:01.620 Because, C-Dub, C-Dub, we didn't organize this at all.

01:29:04.300 We have no idea who sent what, so we're just going with this.

01:29:06.120 We're supposed to have Austin on.

01:29:07.700 Austinism.

01:29:08.860 We're going to read another couple of minutes of this, and then we're going to shut it down.

01:29:11.740 Okay, so Holly's daddy worked at a Home Depot for 30 years.

01:29:14.500 It sounds strange to say, but the place was basically the backdrop of my entire childhood.

01:29:18.320 Saturdays were spent at those kids' workshops while he worked, or my sister and I would tag along when he had to walk a store as a DM.

01:29:26.020 Oh, he was a district manager.

01:29:27.120 Okay.

01:29:28.100 Turning the garden section into our personal playground.

01:29:30.080 This is what my kids are doing in the coffee shop right now.

01:29:32.200 Currently, which is fine.

01:29:33.620 Just tearing it up.

01:29:34.040 I am literally a Home Depot baby.

01:29:35.700 I hear them ripping the pages out of Leonard Ravenhill.

01:29:39.340 Did you hear that?

01:29:40.040 That actually sounded like something just broke.

01:29:41.660 Yeah, I know.

01:29:42.260 Which is fine.

01:29:43.220 It's not my shop.

01:29:44.140 My dad was an assistant store manager in San Diego.

01:29:46.040 Not my electricity.

01:29:46.940 Not my problem.

01:29:47.540 I don't care.

01:29:48.720 I'm only 10% part of here.

01:29:50.440 What do you guys think?

01:29:51.220 I would love to see your opinions on it.

01:29:52.960 Matt is trying to negotiate for some sort of payment, which I don't know if he deserves that.

01:29:59.600 But he seems to think that he can negotiate for 10%.

01:30:02.720 We should make him do it in front of everybody.

01:30:04.380 Yeah, I think so.

01:30:04.920 Like struggle session.

01:30:05.940 10%.

01:30:06.220 Do you guys think that he's worthy of 10%?

01:30:10.400 Where does Austin live?

01:30:11.760 Can he come in?

01:30:12.320 No, he lives in fucking like-

01:30:13.500 On the other side of the country.

01:30:14.600 Yeah, San Fran Angeles.

01:30:17.880 LA.

01:30:18.880 Probably.

01:30:19.460 That's it.

01:30:19.960 I don't know.

01:30:20.420 He's not going to come in here.

01:30:21.260 Whatever.

01:30:21.720 I don't care.

01:30:22.260 Honestly, we should dox Holly.

01:30:23.780 We should dox Holly.

01:30:24.740 Well, I kind of think we did.

01:30:25.780 I think she house doxed us, what she did.

01:30:28.240 She just house shamed us.

01:30:30.760 House shamed.

01:30:31.360 Yeah, I mean, I got like a-

01:30:32.360 I got a scullery in my house.

01:30:34.560 A what?

01:30:35.240 An extra kitchen.

01:30:37.540 Oh, and behind the kitchen.

01:30:39.180 Yeah, it's like an accidental extra kitchen.

01:30:41.100 It's not like I put it there to be pretentious like Timothy Albarino would.

01:30:44.240 Oh, he would definitely do that.

01:30:45.080 It was just there already.

01:30:46.500 Like when I bought it, I was like, fuck.

01:30:48.160 What am I going to do with this?

01:30:48.760 Did you know that Albarino, his house is big enough that he hires help?

01:30:52.900 But for whatever reason, and this isn't like a judgment thing.

01:30:56.800 This is just like an observation thing.

01:31:00.620 All of the help is black.

01:31:04.600 Plus one for Timothy.

01:31:06.440 True.

01:31:07.040 Yeah.

01:31:07.380 I'll allow it.

01:31:08.280 But I mean, listen, our boss is the same way.

01:31:10.860 How much business have you bought him?

01:31:12.320 That's a great question.

01:31:13.360 Zero.

01:31:13.500 Jonathan.

01:31:14.000 Like zero.

01:31:14.680 No, we've bought him a fair bit of business, and I think it's canceled out his percentage.

01:31:19.020 That he's lost.

01:31:19.760 Yeah, how much business have we lost him?

01:31:22.800 Well, that's a hard question.

01:31:25.480 Really, these old people didn't buy him.

01:31:27.380 They don't like David.

01:31:28.740 They don't like me.

01:31:29.620 They don't like it, David.

01:31:30.360 But they also don't buy coffee.

01:31:32.520 He has like people.

01:31:33.440 He's just like, you can use this space for free.

01:31:35.480 They come in in droves like 20 at a time, and they don't even fucking buy coffee.

01:31:39.060 There's a guy that does come back here, and he takes big shit.

01:31:41.860 And then he goes, and he tells Matt, he goes, you're out of the toilet paper.

01:31:46.060 Yeah.

01:31:46.400 And then he doesn't buy it.

01:31:47.380 So he comes in, doesn't buy a coffee, takes a big shit.

01:31:49.520 And then he's like, you need to fucking get some toilet paper in there.

01:31:52.260 He's like, I sprayed a lot of Lysol in there.

01:31:54.940 It's bad.

01:31:56.160 I think we lost him more business than we've gained him.

01:31:58.800 I don't know if that's true.

01:31:59.940 But I think that we could say the same for him.

01:32:02.220 Yeah, it's true.

01:32:03.000 A lot of people have left because of Matt.

01:32:04.800 Yeah.

01:32:05.360 People don't like him.

01:32:06.000 When he first came on and we started doing episodes, we saw a 32% decrease in Patreon subscriptions.

01:32:11.360 Yes.

01:32:11.640 They're like, you guys got Clint with hair.

01:32:13.840 Clint with hair.

01:32:14.680 I was like, yeah.

01:32:15.340 Well, I mean, you know.

01:32:16.820 We couldn't afford the non-hair version.

01:32:18.400 We couldn't keep doing this show by ourself.

01:32:20.360 We had to have another person with more hair.

01:32:24.140 That's true.

01:32:24.620 Z-Man says flip a coin.

01:32:25.980 The old people were to stop coming or die.

01:32:27.720 Thank you.

01:32:28.300 I know.

01:32:28.580 I know, Scott.

01:32:29.820 Yeah.

01:32:30.800 I don't like this.

01:32:31.700 You know that Chuck has changed his who's his favorite now?

01:32:34.680 No, he didn't.

01:32:35.380 Yeah.

01:32:35.680 No, he didn't.

01:32:36.200 Chuck called me.

01:32:36.980 You know who it is?

01:32:38.120 He said it this morning.

01:32:38.900 He said it's Matt now?

01:32:39.340 No.

01:32:39.780 Who?

01:32:40.620 He said it's Nancy.

01:32:41.840 Nancy's not even part of the show anymore.

01:32:43.320 I know.

01:32:43.640 She just doesn't like she's not even here.

01:32:45.820 Guys, who's your favorite?

01:32:47.280 Yeah.

01:32:48.480 Who's your favorite?

01:32:49.200 And be honest.

01:32:50.180 And don't say it's top.

01:32:51.660 And be honest.

01:32:52.160 Is Matt part of the show?

01:32:55.380 Yeah.

01:32:55.620 Let us know if Matt's part of the show.

01:32:57.520 And then also who's your favorite.

01:32:58.840 And also who's your favorite.

01:32:59.720 Okay.

01:32:59.900 Let's continue reading.

01:33:00.780 I'm a Home Depot baby.

01:33:03.400 I hate that.

01:33:05.060 My dad was an assistant store manager in San Diego.

01:33:07.460 He hired my mom because he thought she was hot based.

01:33:11.200 And the two of them started secretly seeing each other.

01:33:13.700 Nice.

01:33:14.340 And when things got serious, he transferred stores so they could actually date without breaking

01:33:17.280 any rules.

01:33:17.720 Smart.

01:33:18.020 What did she do at the store?

01:33:19.640 Him.

01:33:22.160 Oh, let's see.

01:33:25.780 No, let it build up.

01:33:27.080 Okay.

01:33:27.440 Don't look at it yet.

01:33:28.420 Let it build up.

01:33:29.040 And guys, be honest.

01:33:30.220 And don't let him threaten you into saying him.

01:33:33.300 Okay.

01:33:33.980 I'm right in front of you.

01:33:34.780 I didn't threaten him.

01:33:35.660 You get nasty, dude.

01:33:37.060 And these people know that you'll message them and you'll say nasty things.

01:33:41.000 You're like, you're just like the Jews.

01:33:42.560 These people think I'm going to message them?

01:33:44.760 Disgusting.

01:33:45.260 That's true.

01:33:46.360 That's true.

01:33:47.480 Put your votes in.

01:33:48.260 They got married.

01:33:49.840 Next thing you know, my sister and I were born.

01:33:51.480 Thank you for your whole life story.

01:33:52.980 My dad started at the very bottom as an hourly worker and hustled nonstop for promotions.

01:33:56.980 And because he was determined to take every opportunity.

01:33:59.060 Good God.

01:33:59.340 Amy comments on Patreon and she just goes, Raven is my favorite heart.

01:34:03.520 Thank you, Amy.

01:34:03.880 Amy's the one.

01:34:04.260 But Amy's the one that doesn't like Matt.

01:34:07.300 Is that the same chick?

01:34:08.560 Same chick.

01:34:09.300 I don't think so.

01:34:09.780 Because we said some things to her.

01:34:12.120 I don't know if she's still around.

01:34:12.500 No, I said some things to her because she's a woman.

01:34:14.860 Okay, let's see.

01:34:15.480 And I said, watch your mouth.

01:34:16.840 Matt brings the Bible to the show, which is awesome.

01:34:19.120 See that one.

01:34:19.780 Are you sure it's the same one?

01:34:20.680 I don't think it's the same one.

01:34:21.480 Same Amy.

01:34:22.920 Raven is my favorite.

01:34:24.640 Jim says, I forgive Top for being Puerto Rican.

01:34:26.580 I'm going to delete this comment.

01:34:28.080 No, don't.

01:34:28.560 Keep it for posterity.

01:34:31.980 I still kind of miss TLC, but I'll get over it.

01:34:34.000 Stop it, Kate.

01:34:35.020 All right, come on.

01:34:35.580 Let's go.

01:34:35.900 No, we have to read now.

01:34:36.760 Who likes us more?

01:34:37.380 Look, Amy says, thumbs down for Matt.

01:34:41.040 Amy, you're fitting in right with our demographic.

01:34:44.280 That's true.

01:34:44.900 Nasty woman.

01:34:48.060 These are nasty ladies.

01:34:49.900 Okay.

01:34:50.320 Nasty.

01:34:50.760 All right, where was I?

01:34:52.300 Mean.

01:34:53.400 Okay.

01:34:54.040 My dad started as a bottom who worked really hard.

01:34:58.940 We moved a lot when I was little.

01:35:01.020 We went from Northern California where I was born, Fairfield, okay, to middle of nowhere,

01:35:05.500 Arkansas, then suburban Texas, then Louisiana, then back to suburban Texas, and eventually

01:35:09.760 to Georgia, when he finally made it to the corporate offices.

01:35:13.100 Moving on up.

01:35:14.200 She's honeydicking us right now.

01:35:15.560 Yeah, dude.

01:35:16.180 There's no stories.

01:35:16.500 The Top said cocaine midgets.

01:35:18.180 You said cocaine midgets, you bitch.

01:35:21.520 Three paragraphs you said that, man.

01:35:23.040 No, you're not allowed to love us equally.

01:35:25.000 It has to be different.

01:35:26.040 One or the other.

01:35:28.440 Top has me blocked on so many platforms.

01:35:30.680 Who said that?

01:35:31.240 I think that's why we queue.

01:35:34.180 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:35:35.040 You're probably an asshole.

01:35:35.880 I think that's queue, yeah.

01:35:37.280 No matter what name he changes, I always know who he is.

01:35:40.100 Okay, so Matt.

01:35:41.040 Matt.

01:35:44.960 My dad started as a bottom.

01:35:47.220 An hourly worker who hustled, hustle, hustle, hustle to the top.

01:35:50.360 Oh, Matt's here.

01:35:51.360 Matt, you want to negotiate for your pay?

01:35:53.260 No.

01:35:53.720 You want to negotiate for your pay on screen?

01:35:55.480 Get in here now.

01:35:56.120 What do you want?

01:35:56.980 Here's a good question.

01:35:57.760 No, we're taking a survey.

01:35:59.760 You've seen a bump in revenue since we've arrived, and we're taking that out of your check.

01:36:05.000 Come here.

01:36:06.040 Yeah.

01:36:06.620 Come here so people can see your stupid face.

01:36:09.340 Yeah, we have some new ones that call in.

01:36:11.280 Just be careful.

01:36:12.220 But the...

01:36:13.820 Squat down.

01:36:14.240 Squat down.

01:36:14.660 Squat down and get your eagle on.

01:36:15.840 I don't even have any of this stuff.

01:36:17.220 No, look.

01:36:17.640 I want to say...

01:36:18.280 Just squat down real quick and talk.

01:36:19.260 The people who you've lost, they didn't buy stuff to begin with.

01:36:24.540 Correct or incorrect?

01:36:26.380 Incorrect.

01:36:27.200 All right.

01:36:27.480 That was a lie.

01:36:28.020 And the people that have shown up are actual patrons of your shop.

01:36:31.620 Correct?

01:36:32.320 I don't understand what you're getting at.

01:36:33.920 We're trying to figure out what's a fair amount to pay you.

01:36:36.400 Do you think Timothy Albarino...

01:36:37.620 I just want you to cover that.

01:36:38.720 Do you think Timothy Albarino uses the words peradventure?

01:36:42.220 Perhaps.

01:36:44.700 No.

01:36:45.180 This isn't permaculture, you mean?

01:36:47.320 Permaculture?

01:36:47.840 No, dude.

01:36:48.320 Listen.

01:36:48.860 You're trying to get a stiff 10% out of us.

01:36:50.660 All right, Matt.

01:36:50.980 We're going to kick you out of here.

01:36:52.180 And that's too much money.

01:36:53.400 I just want Tom to pay the election.

01:36:54.560 No, and I think that's too much money.

01:36:56.000 I agree.

01:36:56.640 And so what I'm trying to figure out...

01:36:58.160 Put the...

01:36:59.160 Is that...

01:37:00.600 No, don't leave.

01:37:01.220 Okay?

01:37:02.020 I can't kneel down that one.

01:37:03.380 It's old.

01:37:04.420 It's very old.

01:37:05.400 I mean, I can do squats and stuff.

01:37:06.640 And we're live at Planet Fitness.

01:37:08.900 Here's Natalie Spooner firing up the battle ropes.

01:37:11.940 That's a hat trick of reps right there.

01:37:13.880 Now over to Emma Malte with the Hack Squad.

01:37:16.540 Talk about team carrying strength.

01:37:18.400 And here comes Emily Clark going for a new PR.

01:37:21.420 She lights the lamp with that lift.

01:37:23.420 Wow.

01:37:24.060 What a workout, folks.

01:37:25.380 Hard to believe you get all of that with one membership.

01:37:27.980 Get started for $1 down, then $15 a month.

01:37:30.660 Offer ends January 9th.

01:37:32.380 $49 annual fee applies.

01:37:34.180 Planet Fitness, the official gym of Hockey Canada.

01:37:37.060 No, we know you can do squats, but you can't.

01:37:39.840 Oh, you hurt his knees?

01:37:40.780 I did.

01:37:41.220 They popped and cracked.

01:37:42.140 This dude's going to blow a hammy right in front of me.

01:37:44.480 And we're going to leave you there.

01:37:45.640 We're asking them who's our favorite.

01:37:47.920 Amy has chimed in in the chat.

01:37:49.340 She said Raven is our favorite.

01:37:51.580 Does not...

01:37:52.840 Doesn't like Matt.

01:37:53.960 Okay, well, I'm going to go through the chat.

01:37:55.240 Let's see.

01:37:56.460 Sparrow says 3.33% is what you should be getting paid.

01:38:00.360 I think that's fine.

01:38:01.240 Matt, thumbs down.

01:38:02.180 Thumbs down, Matt.

01:38:02.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:03.860 I know that.

01:38:04.800 No money for Matt.

01:38:06.640 She says.

01:38:07.380 John Diaz says...

01:38:08.560 You guys send a thing out to say...

01:38:13.440 No, we're asking them right now.

01:38:15.000 Wait, that chick hates me, bro.

01:38:16.740 Here's what happened.

01:38:17.560 Melchizedek says Raven.

01:38:19.020 Hold on, hold on.

01:38:19.720 Wait, can we ask that chick what her...

01:38:20.540 Did she just hate God?

01:38:21.580 Is that...

01:38:22.180 Oh, my God.

01:38:23.460 Don't accuse that.

01:38:24.720 No, I really...

01:38:25.140 This is very Jewish.

01:38:27.200 What is it?

01:38:27.680 If you hate me, you must hate God.

01:38:29.300 If you hate me, you must hate science.

01:38:31.220 I'm just saying, like, right away, she hated what I was doing.

01:38:33.920 Like, immediately.

01:38:34.660 Sparrow says, Mr. Nasty is my favorite.

01:38:36.800 You're right.

01:38:37.300 Keisha Bear says, Top.

01:38:38.600 I don't like this.

01:38:39.240 We're having, like, a popularity contest?

01:38:41.320 Queef Latina says, I am here for the woman.

01:38:43.500 We're asking why so many women watch the show.

01:38:45.840 This is nice.

01:38:47.380 Matt is a great part of the show.

01:38:48.560 Thanks, Sparrow.

01:38:48.820 I don't like this, Chanel Blapio.

01:38:50.380 I like Raven, but I respect Top more.

01:38:52.220 That's what I desire.

01:38:54.440 I don't care if you like me.

01:38:56.480 I want your respect.

01:38:57.560 Z-Man wrote me a music, and I still haven't heard it.

01:39:00.360 I'm not going to play it for you because you're nasty.

01:39:02.440 I resonate with David because his story reminds me of mine.

01:39:05.020 Thank you, Elohim.

01:39:05.820 Who do you like, though?

01:39:07.220 Mr. Nasty, and yes, Matt is part of the show.

01:39:09.380 All right, fine.

01:39:09.980 Okay, yep.

01:39:11.340 Queef Latina says, Holly...

01:39:12.960 Wow, explicative.

01:39:15.840 Daddy Nasty...

01:39:16.220 Well, first off, let's explain what happened.

01:39:17.720 Holly wrote a story for you.

01:39:19.980 She wanted you to break...

01:39:21.080 She didn't even let me on the show.

01:39:22.500 She wanted you to break it down, but Matt, this story...

01:39:25.460 Did you already do it?

01:39:25.780 This story has just been a description of her house.

01:39:28.140 Did you already do it?

01:39:29.180 Six pages we've read.

01:39:30.400 Well, we're reading the second part, and it's more description of her house.

01:39:33.400 What?

01:39:33.920 She's super rich, and that's really it.

01:39:36.440 Oh, she has 18 rooms in her father's mansion.

01:39:39.460 The name of this one is called Cocaine Midges, and she's...

01:39:41.600 Keisha Berry Texan's right.

01:39:42.620 Keisha Berry Texan says, I don't like when Matt whines.

01:39:45.320 I don't either.

01:39:45.800 So she probably doesn't like you because that's all you do.

01:39:47.760 No, no, she likes me.

01:39:48.500 You go, ah!

01:39:49.120 I get a little whiny.

01:39:50.700 10%.

01:39:51.460 10%.

01:39:52.620 I need 10%.

01:39:53.880 Yeah.

01:39:55.500 All right, so what are we saying?

01:39:56.720 You guys like me?

01:39:57.160 How about 10% of the electric bill?

01:39:58.420 Can they even hear me or no?

01:39:59.700 Because I'm not on a mic.

01:40:00.260 No, no, just stop talking.

01:40:01.380 Yeah, please.

01:40:02.340 They like me better, I think, is what they're saying.

01:40:04.360 No, I don't think so.

01:40:05.820 I think mostly it was votes for me.

01:40:09.800 Yeah, I think it was mostly votes for me, which is understandable, and I would have expected

01:40:14.000 that, too.

01:40:14.320 Can you get back to work?

01:40:15.020 No, at 3 o'clock, I can come in, but are you guys going to still be on at 3 o'clock?

01:40:17.640 No, probably not, and I think you should make brown water.

01:40:20.380 Okay.

01:40:21.400 Raven is my favorite.

01:40:22.560 The girl says Raven is my favorite.

01:40:25.040 Matt deserves $6 million.

01:40:26.760 Matt's the best.

01:40:27.480 No, no, no.

01:40:27.860 Between me, it's basically me and David.

01:40:29.560 Does anybody follow the cult of conspiracy, guys?

01:40:33.400 Is that chick a witch?

01:40:35.020 Did he get rid of, well, I thought he got rid of John.

01:40:38.760 I guess they stopped doing a show together, whatever.

01:40:41.020 But did he, is there now a witch on?

01:40:43.240 Who's the Justin Timberlake of the show?

01:40:45.020 This is great.

01:40:46.600 I don't know.

01:40:47.140 I don't know who else was on NSYNC.

01:40:52.200 I'm not the chubby gay dude.

01:40:55.000 The one that's an astronaut?

01:40:55.700 Was that Backstreet Boys?

01:40:56.700 I don't know.

01:40:58.100 Backstreet Boys, that guy has a heart problem.

01:41:00.480 The other guy looks like a goat.

01:41:01.980 Who came from Backstreet Boys?

01:41:03.100 You're the bad boy from Backstreet Boys.

01:41:05.960 You know the guy?

01:41:06.480 Yes, you are.

01:41:07.400 What's his name?

01:41:08.260 With the facial hair.

01:41:09.680 Yeah, that's you.

01:41:10.700 But who the hell came out of Backstreet Boys?

01:41:13.520 Justin Timberlake came out of NSYNC.

01:41:16.160 This show is off the rails.

01:41:17.720 Big career.

01:41:19.960 And then nobody came out of Backstreet Boys, huh?

01:41:25.360 As big as they were?

01:41:26.780 That's you.

01:41:28.060 Who?

01:41:28.680 Hold on.

01:41:29.440 We'll pull it up right here.

01:41:31.140 Oh, no.

01:41:31.720 That's you.

01:41:32.340 Nick Carter was 98 degrees, Sparrow.

01:41:34.420 Come on.

01:41:34.720 No, that's Nick Carter.

01:41:35.780 That's Nick.

01:41:37.500 I like Kate.

01:41:38.460 Look, Kate says, I don't care for Matt.

01:41:43.060 This guy is you.

01:41:45.380 Wow.

01:41:45.940 I got to admit, that's pretty.

01:41:47.280 This guy has a heart problem.

01:41:49.060 This guy is the goat dude.

01:41:50.660 The goat dude?

01:41:51.440 This guy is Nick Carter's brother.

01:41:53.500 What's the goat dude mean?

01:41:54.640 He's just got it because he's got a goatee.

01:41:56.180 He looks like a goat.

01:41:57.000 Oh, OK.

01:41:58.100 Yeah, and then that guy, I don't know any of their names.

01:42:00.780 I think this one's Brian.

01:42:01.460 No, my wife says Nick Carter was Backstreet Boys.

01:42:04.260 Nick Carter was 98 degrees.

01:42:05.700 Aaron Carter is his brother.

01:42:08.020 Huh.

01:42:08.980 This doesn't matter.

01:42:10.660 Let's just read about the cocaine thing, and then we're going to get out of here.

01:42:13.420 All right.

01:42:13.840 This is taking too long.

01:42:15.480 My dad started as a bottom.

01:42:20.340 But once he hit a certain level, promotion stopped, and he has a lot of integrity and

01:42:24.680 very strong biblical morals and upper, upper leadership definitely knew he wasn't somebody

01:42:29.000 who would play along with anything shady.

01:42:30.380 Aaron died?

01:42:31.420 Aaron died?

01:42:32.300 Oh, my God.

01:42:33.320 Yeah, dude.

01:42:33.920 Aaron who?

01:42:34.780 Aaron Carter.

01:42:35.680 Dude, that whole thing got fucked up.

01:42:36.440 That guy died?

01:42:39.360 Oh, the brother.

01:42:40.800 The one that sang the Pokemon theme song.

01:42:43.240 What?

01:42:44.640 Aaron Carter sang the Pokemon theme song?

01:42:47.160 Not the original one, but for the...

01:42:49.720 Hold on.

01:42:50.200 This is a disaster.

01:42:51.140 Is that true?

01:42:51.520 Oh, shit.

01:42:51.820 Aaron Carter was a mess.

01:42:53.080 Yeah, but it got really weird.

01:42:55.220 He accused somebody of BFing him.

01:42:57.440 This guy.

01:42:57.940 Aaron Carter.

01:42:58.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:59.020 He had the face tattoos.

01:43:00.040 He sang the Pokemon.

01:43:01.100 Here, let's look this up.

01:43:01.840 No, he didn't.

01:43:02.200 No, he did.

01:43:02.940 He didn't sing the Pokemon.

01:43:03.400 He did, and it was a good one.

01:43:05.480 Pokemon song.

01:43:06.440 Yeah, he sang it for the original Pokemon movie.

01:43:08.560 Wait, brother?

01:43:09.720 Yeah, have some fun with the funk.

01:43:11.700 I'm sorry, what?

01:43:12.360 The first Pokemon movie.

01:43:14.500 Oh, I thought he sang that song.

01:43:15.240 Brother, my brother.

01:43:18.540 Now, have some fun with the funk.

01:43:19.420 Tell me, what are we fighting for?

01:43:21.100 I remember I had the CD.

01:43:22.240 We got to stop this war.

01:43:23.260 And I listened to that CD, and my dad's Ford Focus, he had the nine CD changer in the back.

01:43:29.820 And I listened to it nonstop, so we burnt that out.

01:43:32.180 Let's finish reading.

01:43:32.700 Oh, Netanyahu, or Q, says that Michael Jackson was ramming him down.

01:43:37.440 I don't believe that.

01:43:38.760 He wouldn't do that.

01:43:39.600 No, no, no, no, no.

01:43:40.480 My wife, she said it.

01:43:41.640 Nick Carter raped...

01:43:43.760 Aaron?

01:43:44.380 Yeah.

01:43:45.100 No, that's not true.

01:43:45.300 That's what he said.

01:43:46.180 Is that really your wife?

01:43:47.520 Probably, yeah.

01:43:48.180 She's now a Patreon member.

01:43:50.080 She pays at the highest tier.

01:43:52.480 Mommy tier?

01:43:53.440 Mommy tier.

01:43:54.340 Yeah, I think I actually did give her mommy tier.

01:43:56.980 So, yeah, she, or he said that, and I'm not even like, I know it's hyperbolic, and I know

01:44:02.000 I say crazy things.

01:44:03.440 I know I have a history of saying crazy things on this show.

01:44:06.060 But he said he was BF'd by...

01:44:09.460 It's all about the he said, she said bullshit.

01:44:11.260 He buttfucked me.

01:44:13.720 I think you better quit it, reading this bullshit story.

01:44:17.360 Come on, Holly.

01:44:19.320 Holly, you have like one more paragraph to figure this out.

01:44:23.420 Okay, we got it, we got it, we got it.

01:44:24.500 My dad started as a bottom.

01:44:30.000 There we go.

01:44:31.080 Okay.

01:44:32.480 So, they knew he wasn't going to be down with any weird shit.

01:44:36.040 So, instead of moving up, they made him a bottom.

01:44:38.600 So, they gave him huge raises, and they'd shuffle him sideways, or even down the ladder,

01:44:43.940 into roles with the same title or less responsibilities.

01:44:46.320 By the time he left the company in 2020, he was back in a district manager role,

01:44:50.520 making about 10 times when his regional manager boss was earning.

01:44:53.800 Weird.

01:44:54.340 Okay.

01:44:55.480 After leaving in 2020, he went to work for a hardware sales company,

01:45:00.760 which meant he was still in and out of Home Depots all the time.

01:45:05.100 His new company also participated in the annual Home Depot sales.

01:45:09.080 Okay.

01:45:09.700 Hey.

01:45:10.300 Hey.

01:45:10.900 Hey.

01:45:11.800 Finish it.

01:45:12.720 What the?

01:45:13.060 Finish.

01:45:13.540 Hey.

01:45:14.600 What are we talking about, Holly?

01:45:16.760 What are we talking about?

01:45:18.020 Finish it.

01:45:19.120 Fuck.

01:45:20.840 Finish it.

01:45:21.720 And the layout of this Home Depot.

01:45:23.420 All right.

01:45:23.800 So, his new company, whatever, he was in and out of some Home Depot sales conferences in

01:45:30.180 Las Vegas every March.

01:45:31.460 So, he still ran into old colleagues pretty regularly.

01:45:34.380 And in 2021, at one of those Mixer events, he bumped into some former coworkers.

01:45:38.000 They were catching up when the guy casually asked, hey, did you hear about Arnold?

01:45:42.160 My dad said, no.

01:45:43.580 What happened to Arnold?

01:45:45.400 And that's when the guy told him.

01:45:47.020 Arnold got fired?

01:45:47.920 Holy shit.

01:45:49.140 Are you kidding me?

01:45:49.780 Apparently, a bunch of employees failed a random corporate drug test.

01:45:53.680 And they all threw him straight under the bus.

01:45:56.680 That story came out.

01:45:57.580 He'd been throwing these outrageous private parties.

01:45:59.900 At these parties, he hired midgets as servers and had trays strapped to their heads.

01:46:07.400 Trays that they use for cocaine.

01:46:11.500 So, he hired midgets to be servers and they'd wear trays as hats and he'd do cocaine off the

01:46:17.080 trays.

01:46:17.640 It's kind of dope.

01:46:18.240 That's awesome.

01:46:19.780 Arnold sounds cool.

01:46:20.900 Arnold is the man.

01:46:22.680 Dude, that's the coolest shit ever.

01:46:24.300 People would literally be sitting in their seats chatting with one another and then casually

01:46:27.480 lean over and do lines off the heads of midgets.

01:46:31.940 I don't know.

01:46:32.740 I just thought that was hilarious.

01:46:35.100 And I can't help but thank the good Lord above that my dad was never involved with snorting

01:46:38.540 cocaine off the heads of midgets.

01:46:40.100 Let me tell you something really quickly.

01:46:41.540 That was a fucking unnecessary story.

01:46:44.700 You could have just put that last paragraph in there.

01:46:47.520 Holly.

01:46:48.040 Holly.

01:46:49.400 Holly.

01:46:49.900 We need to strike her.

01:46:52.420 I'm going to, Holly, I'm going to hit you.

01:46:55.780 They bred with daughters of men and they will do it again.

01:47:04.240 The end is written in the book.

01:47:08.420 In the pages they foresaw.

01:47:12.420 Death squad.

01:47:16.620 Death squad.

01:47:20.460 Death squad.

01:47:23.180 Death squad.

01:47:25.480 Death squad.

01:47:25.580 Death squad.

01:47:41.140 Death squad.

01:47:41.520 Death squad.

01:47:42.720 Death squad.

01:47:45.700 Death squad.

01:47:46.740 Death squad.

01:47:47.160 Death squad.

01:47:49.140 Death squad.

01:47:51.140 олн�球.

Nephilim Death Squad - January 02, 2026

My Fathers Basement ｜ NDS Chronicles

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