Order of Man - October 30, 2026


3 Habits That are Quietly Destroying You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Public Confrontation, Winning as a Step-Dad, and Building Boundaries for Adult Kids ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats


Length

23 minutes

Words per minute

178.62

Word count

4,260

Sentence count

339

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Toxicity

5

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
00:00:00.000 I understand that we want to isolate. It's arrogance. It's ego. It's self-centered. I don't
00:00:05.800 want people to know. I don't want people to understand my own deficiencies. I don't want
00:00:09.700 to talk with people. I don't, I don't want to do any of that. I just want to isolate. I want to
00:00:14.660 hold up and then I'll tell myself I'm a lone wolf. I'm a badass. I'm an alpha. No, you're not any of
00:00:22.200 those things. When you isolate, you're actually making yourself physically, mentally, and
00:00:28.480 emotionally and spiritually weaker. Gentlemen, what's going on? Welcome to your Friday Field
00:00:34.460 Notes. My name is Ryan Michler. I'm the host and the founder of this podcast. And if you're
00:00:38.740 following along on YouTube, you can see that this is a very different backdrop than I normally have.
00:00:44.540 I spent literally tens of thousands of dollars building this incredible studio in the basement
00:00:49.520 of my home. And here I am, what looks like a hotel room. It's not a hotel room. It's actually
00:00:56.120 a hunting lodge, the room of a hunting lodge, uh, that my oldest son and I are staying at with,
00:01:02.700 uh, seven other friends and we're hunting in Minnesota. Now, every time when I talk about
00:01:10.060 Minnesota, people like, Oh, where do you stay? Where are you going? Where, where will you be?
00:01:13.520 We're in the Alexandria area, Glenwood, um, sedan, if you want to get more specific,
00:01:19.920 but we're out here hunting whitetail. My oldest son shot a doe two days ago. I shot a doe last
00:01:26.900 night and now we both have buck tags to fill. We've got two days left to do it, but I wanted
00:01:32.820 to record this Friday field notes, not only because it's important, the mission, the work
00:01:37.940 of reclaiming and restoring masculinity, but also because I've never missed a single podcast in
00:01:44.320 11 and a half years now, almost 12 years of podcasting three episodes a week. I have not
00:01:51.840 missed a single one and I refuse to let a hunt get in the way of that. Today, guys, I want to
00:01:57.180 talk with you about three habits that you are engaged in. A lot of it's probably subconscious
00:02:03.600 that are quietly destroying you. And as I go through these habits, I think you're going to
00:02:09.080 understand why it's quietly destroying you because they're very devious. They're very insidious
00:02:15.240 and oftentimes hidden. So without further ado, let's talk about this because I've got to hunt
00:02:21.140 and I've got to leave here in about 20 minutes. So I'm going to try to keep this quick and succinct
00:02:25.900 and short for you. So you get some insight and I can go hunt with my son. The three habits that I
00:02:31.540 want to talk with you about today, guys, number one is distraction. Number two is isolation.
00:02:36.540 and number three is sedation. So we're going to break down each one of those things. Now,
00:02:42.440 I was talking with a friend. His name is Jay Giardulo. Good friend of mine, been with me for
00:02:46.920 a very long time. He's actually here hunting with me as well. And we were talking about the
00:02:51.600 distractions that come up. The problem with distraction in your life, it's not the things
00:02:56.860 that you know are wrong for you. Like if there's a person in your life, whether it's a romantic
00:03:01.680 interest or a friend or a boss, a colleague, a coworker, a neighbor who's toxic, who's
00:03:07.380 dangerous, who's destructive.
00:03:08.800 That's not the issue.
00:03:10.300 It's not the issue because you know those people are not good for you.
00:03:14.080 And the same is true of the hobbies and things that you're engaged in.
00:03:18.860 If it's engaged in something that's a vice or something destructive, you know it's bad
00:03:24.480 for you.
00:03:24.920 So distraction is insidious because it can be what Jay referred to as a noble distraction.
00:03:33.220 So for example, you might distract yourself from doing the work that you really need to do by going to the gym.
00:03:39.920 And not a single human being who's worth their weight would say, well, going to the gym is a bad thing.
00:03:47.300 It's not, but it could be if you're using it to distract you from what you otherwise should be doing.
00:03:54.920 Uh, another noble obstacle is work. I see this all the time. Guys are like, well, I'm working,
00:03:59.660 I'm grinding, I'm hustling, I'm putting in the effort, all good, fine and dandy. But if it's
00:04:04.720 distracting you from doing work on yourself or your spiritual health or your relational health
00:04:11.360 or your financial health, you might say, well, I'm doing a really good job because I'm, I'm,
00:04:16.460 I'm busy with work or I'm going to the gym. But if it's distracting you from what you ought to be
00:04:21.880 doing, it's probably not a good thing. And you know, this inherently, I think we all know,
00:04:27.500 Hey, here's what I need to do, but I'm going to procrastinate, but I'm not going to do bullshit. 0.62
00:04:32.160 I'm going to do good stuff so that I can deceive myself and other people into believing that I'm
00:04:35.960 actually doing work. Okay. How many times do you need to go to the gym every day? Or how long do
00:04:40.480 you actually need to be there? Do you need to be there three, four, five hours a day? Or could you
00:04:45.240 get by and do 45 minutes or an hour and then get on with the rest of your day? I mean, people will
00:04:51.860 even do distraction from a noble perspective in the name of Christianity, in the name of
00:04:59.040 following Christ. Well, I'm just, I'm doing all these, I see this all the time, especially when
00:05:03.840 I was part of the LDS, the Mormon culture, you know, they would call these young men,
00:05:10.380 guys with young kids, going through college, full-time careers, and they would call them,
00:05:16.520 That's how it worked. They would call them to be in the, um, the bishopric, which is a leadership
00:05:21.920 position within the LDS church. And it's like, you know, I understand that we are to serve God,
00:05:27.980 but these young men, these young men, and they were 20, 30 years old going through school,
00:05:34.280 getting their masters, raising four kids, taking care of their new bride, uh, working a full-time
00:05:41.040 job. They're like, well, you know, yeah, we do want you to take care of your family, but also
00:05:46.280 we're going to capitalize on every single minute of your Sunday. And then I saw so many men be
00:05:52.740 like, oh, well, I'm, I'm doing the Lord's work. Is that the Lord's work? Is the Lord's work for
00:05:58.140 you to ignore your family? Is the Lord's work for you to ignore, overlook the fact that you are to
00:06:04.420 provide financially for your family? Or is that just the excuse that we use in order to feel good
00:06:11.220 about distracting our people from their real work,
00:06:18.500 which is leading in the home, leading in business,
00:06:22.220 providing a financial income and stability,
00:06:25.080 taking care of our loved ones, spending time with them.
00:06:29.920 So what I would like you to do
00:06:32.080 when it comes to the distractions
00:06:33.500 that we bring into our lives is ask yourself,
00:06:37.440 what am I doing here?
00:06:39.280 Am I actually enhancing my life or am I running away from something silently and calling it noble so that I can justify the fact that maybe I'm not doing my own self-work?
00:06:52.420 Maybe I'm not spending as much time with my family.
00:06:55.720 Maybe I'm not spending as much time on my spirituality or my physical fitness or the way that I'm showing up.
00:07:02.380 This manifests in all sorts of different ways.
00:07:04.960 Not every single man is the same.
00:07:06.640 In fact, we're all different, which makes it hard.
00:07:08.440 some guys will gravitate towards fitness other guys will gravitate towards spirituality other
00:07:14.320 guys will quite frankly gravitate to only their family and they'll they'll completely overlook
00:07:19.540 their responsibility to provide financially and they'll say what are you what's the problem i'm
00:07:23.780 doing a good job and spending all my time with my family guys you're a man yes you should spend as
00:07:28.540 much time as you possibly can with your family but also you kind of have to provide for them right
00:07:32.960 I mean, what good is it to spend a bunch of time with them? If you can't put a roof over their head, you can't go to their baseball games or their dance recitals or their piano lessons. That's a problem. So ask yourself, how do I spend my time? And is the time that I'm spending the best benefit, the best use of that time?
00:07:54.640 So as I said, I'm here in Minnesota right now.
00:07:58.280 I'm hunting.
00:07:59.200 I told my oldest son who I'm hunting with.
00:08:01.260 I said, look, bud, on Thursday, I'm going to be busy.
00:08:05.020 We're going to go take the deer in, which we did.
00:08:07.020 I got to go run a few errands, which we did.
00:08:08.880 I got a podcast with Jim Caviezel, which I just got done with.
00:08:13.060 And I've got this Friday field notes.
00:08:14.400 So I need to record.
00:08:15.400 So you're on your own.
00:08:16.560 Cool.
00:08:17.040 And he's like, yeah, dad, of course, no problem.
00:08:19.060 But the rest of the time, I'm going to be completely engaged with him and my seven or
00:08:23.800 eight other buddies that I'm here with. So that's number one is distraction. It's killing you. It's
00:08:28.900 hurting you. And you think it's noble. It's not be deliberate and intentional about it. Okay. The
00:08:34.440 next is isolation. Look guys, when things go South and things go sideways, I understand that we want
00:08:41.000 to isolate. It's arrogance. It's ego. It's self-centered. I don't want people to know. I
00:08:46.540 don't want people to understand my own deficiencies. I don't want to talk with people. I don't,
00:08:50.760 I don't want to do any of that. I just want to isolate. I want to hole up and then I'll tell
00:08:55.580 myself I'm a lone wolf. I'm a badass. I'm an alpha. No, you're not any of those things.
00:09:02.520 When you isolate, you're actually making yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally and 0.63
00:09:08.940 spiritually weaker, but you'll convince yourself that you're a baddie. You'll convince yourself
00:09:15.340 that the best men out there don't need help from anybody else. And you know, this is true.
00:09:20.820 If you're saying things like, I don't, if I want it done, right, I have to do it myself.
00:09:26.580 Oh, nobody cares about it as much as I do. These are the kinds of things that we say. And it's,
00:09:32.160 I get it. I've said it, but it's stupid. Let's be honest. It's stupid. It's hurtful. 1.00
00:09:38.760 it's harmful to your growth the the the best things that i've ever had happen to me in my life
00:09:46.060 and i i would bet that this is true for you the best things that have ever happened in your life
00:09:52.580 are a result of the connections that you've made nothing good i mean you can't find probably the
00:10:00.320 top 100 things in your life that have happened that are good for you as a result of doing it
00:10:07.380 alone? Nothing. I mean, I would challenge you to prove me wrong. When in your life have you been
00:10:15.400 more connected to God because you're alone? People will say, well, I just want to be on the mountains
00:10:19.920 and I want to just like have my connection with God. Look, I get it. I like that too. I like being
00:10:26.220 alone. I have no issue being alone. In fact, in a lot of ways, and people don't really know this
00:10:31.280 about me, especially because of the podcast and I put myself out there. I don't, I don't really
00:10:36.920 need a whole lot of like social interaction, but I'm not better when I isolate. I'm always better
00:10:43.140 because there's people around me that I love, that I care about, that I respect, that love,
00:10:47.980 care, and respect me that are leaning on me. They're pushing on me. They're challenging me.
00:10:52.500 They're giving me new ideas and insights and ideas. That is the best way to do it. So look,
00:10:57.640 have your time to yourself. You should, we all need some time to disengage. We all need some
00:11:03.360 time to like think and ruminate and come up with our own ideas. But the lone wolf thing doesn't
00:11:11.300 work. We are social creatures. It is what it is. I was going to tell you, sorry, I'm not sorry.
00:11:16.860 We're social creatures. We are to embrace working with other men, working with our spouses,
00:11:24.960 working with our children, our clients, our colleagues, our coworkers. And look,
00:11:29.580 we all get energy different ways, but at the end of the day, you cannot isolate. You have to put
00:11:34.960 yourself in environments with other people. And I'll tell you why. That's where the best ideas
00:11:40.640 come from. That's where the best ideas come from. The only ideas that I can create in my mind or
00:11:48.000 have, not even create, but have in my mind are a result of what's going into my mind.
00:11:55.580 So if I don't have anything going into my mind, I'm stuck with the six inches between
00:12:01.020 both of my ears.
00:12:02.960 That's not a whole lot.
00:12:04.940 And it varies for different people, but for me, it's not a whole lot.
00:12:08.320 I want to hear from Joe.
00:12:09.760 I want to hear from Rick.
00:12:10.860 I want to hear from Wayne.
00:12:12.460 I want to hear from my son Brecken.
00:12:14.140 I want to hear from all the people that are in my orbit and I want to hear their ideas.
00:12:19.780 Now, I don't need to embrace them.
00:12:21.940 I don't need to implement them, but I'm certainly willing to entertain them.
00:12:26.040 It's been said, and I don't know who said it, that the mark of an educated or an intelligent
00:12:30.420 mind is being able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it.
00:12:36.680 We need to be able to entertain ideas.
00:12:38.920 And the only way you can entertain ideas is to get yourself out of isolation.
00:12:42.560 stop holing up stop walling up stop hanging out in your basement playing video games or
00:12:48.880 dicking around or whatever you do and start putting yourself out there with some rules
00:12:53.680 with some boundaries so you can learn new information and guys the last thing is sedation
00:12:58.320 we do this in all sorts of ways we drink we do drugs we watch porn uh we we we gamble
00:13:07.540 womanize, like whatever you can do to get yourself out of the situation that you're
00:13:13.020 currently feeling. We do this all the time and we sedate. I don't want to deal with that. I don't 0.99
00:13:18.960 want to confront that. I don't want to wrestle with my finances. I don't want to wrestle with
00:13:22.760 the weight that I'm dealing with. I don't want to wrestle with my poor performance at work. I don't
00:13:27.580 want to wrestle with the challenges that I've had in my relationship. And so it's better for me,
00:13:32.120 at least this is what you think to escape, right? Like, Oh, I need to get away. You know what this
00:13:37.920 is control. It's control. Everything around you in your life is out of control. Okay. Your kids,
00:13:46.860 I've got four kids from the ages of 18 down to 10 years old. It's out of control. It's not crazy.
00:13:53.800 It's not wild. It's not unbridled. Like we have rules and boundaries. Me and their mother have
00:14:00.920 boundaries and rules and expectations, but I can't control my kids. My oldest son came to me about a
00:14:07.200 year ago. He's like, dad, I'm going to get a tattoo. I'm like, the hell you're going to get
00:14:09.880 a tattoo. You're 17 years old. He's like, yeah, but mom got me a gift card to get a tattoo. I'm 0.90
00:14:15.860 like, that's awesome. You can do that when you're 18. He's like, well, what if I just did it
00:14:21.100 anyways? And I said, I'd be, I pulled out the dad trick. I said, I'd be really disappointed.
00:14:26.360 and he didn't but when he was 18 he came he came over it was like a week after he turned 18 he
00:14:33.980 came to my house and he's like dad check it out and he's got a lacrosse stick on his forearm with
00:14:38.440 a couple flowers in the um the uh like old american type um style of of tattoos it looks
00:14:48.400 it looks really good i can't i can't control i can't control him i can't control that he's
00:14:55.200 going to do what he's going to do. Your wife might be really upset about how work went and her boss
00:15:01.940 was a jerk and her clients were jerks. And you can't control that. Your kids might be upset. 1.00
00:15:09.200 Maybe something happens at work that that's beyond your control. And so what do we do? We try to
00:15:14.320 wrestle back control. How do we do that? Again, drinking, drugs, watching porn, gambling.
00:15:20.880 I mean, you can pick your sedation method of choice, but you do that either. Well,
00:15:28.020 you do it for, for one of two things, either to escape or for control. It's one of those two
00:15:34.000 things. It's insidious. It's dangerous. And I'll tell you why it's dangerous because it feels so
00:15:41.300 good, right? When I'm distracted from the reality of life, I feel better. I don't want to look at
00:15:47.960 my bank account if it's struggling. So I'm going to go over here. I'm going to distract myself at
00:15:52.580 the gym and say, see, I'm doing a good job. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm broke, but I'm strong
00:15:58.320 and healthy. So we distract ourselves, right? Instead of actually having the conversation
00:16:04.780 with your wife about why the marriage relationship is struggling. You're like, Hey babe, let's go
00:16:09.760 watch Yellowstone. Let's go watch Ted Lasso. We'd like, we're together. We're spending time
00:16:15.260 together. Are you? Because you're just sitting on the couch. Yeah. Maybe you're holding hands or
00:16:19.300 maybe you're in proximity. Maybe she's on one end of the couch and you're on the other. And you're,
00:16:23.800 you say to yourself, this was a good date. It's not a date. You're distracting yourself from the
00:16:29.440 actual work that you need to do in the relationship. So distraction. Okay. We already
00:16:36.480 talked about sedation. Um, and number two is, is isolation, right? Again, I'm just going to hold
00:16:42.800 up. I'm going to wall myself off. I'm not going to receive any input. I'm not going to learn
00:16:47.800 anything new. I'm not going to confront or face my, my shortcomings and my inadequacies. I'm just
00:16:54.280 going to isolate. I'm good. I'm here in this room. I got four walls around me. Nobody's coming in.
00:17:01.960 The doors are locked literally and figuratively and everybody else can get out. Good. Now you're
00:17:09.540 in this box, this, this metal container, this wood and drywall container, and you have access
00:17:16.860 to no information that's making you better. If you're comfortable with where you are,
00:17:22.160 you wouldn't be listening to this podcast, but if you're comfortable with where you are,
00:17:25.780 go ahead and isolate. But if you want to learn new things and grow, you got to put yourself
00:17:30.060 around other people. And again, the last thing, just as a recap is sedation.
00:17:34.840 numb out, veg out, tune out, fry your brain. That's what I used to do when I was in throes
00:17:43.160 of my alcohol abuse. It was like, no, I want to fry my brain for a minute. I don't want to deal
00:17:48.700 with this. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to confront this. I don't want to
00:17:51.680 have conversations about this. And so I'm going to self medicate and not in healthy ways. I'm
00:17:58.440 just going to like fry my brain so that I could get through whatever it is I was dealing with.
00:18:04.840 but the real ones and the things that I'm learning, for lack of better term, you just
00:18:10.840 raw dog it. I mean, there's no other way to say it. When issues and confrontation and challenge
00:18:19.300 and struggle and financial problems and medical issues and everything else that comes up as a
00:18:26.980 result of being a man, you just got to take it. And when you learn to take it for what it is
00:18:33.640 without distracting, without isolating, without sedating, you become stronger. You become better.
00:18:41.020 You become wiser. You become more equipped and skilled to be able to address a challenging or
00:18:47.480 confrontational conversation with your wife or a disagreement with your boss or a frustration
00:18:54.560 with your child or a financial hardship or a medical diagnosis or a lawsuit or a potential
00:19:02.560 bankruptcy. Those are the things that are going to come up in your life and more. And when you
00:19:08.960 put yourself into the environments where you say to yourself, you know what? I'm not going to
00:19:13.140 distract. I'm not going to sedate. I'm not going to isolate. I'm going to confront this head on.
00:19:18.260 It's not going to feel comfortable. The same way as anything you've ever tried in your life is
00:19:23.680 not going to feel comfortable the first time you do. But when you do it once and twice and three
00:19:30.520 times and 10 times and a hundred times and a thousand times and 10,000 hours. Soon you'll
00:19:36.860 realize I'm a master at this. When people come at me, when I'm dealing with financial hardship,
00:19:43.080 when I have to have a difficult conversation with my bride, when I have to discipline my children,
00:19:48.760 I got it because I've been practicing it without excusing myself. And that is not manly behavior,
00:19:55.340 by the way, when you excuse yourself, distraction, isolation, sedation, it's boy-like
00:20:01.100 behavior. I expect my youngest son, he's 10 years old. I expect him to get frustrated because I
00:20:07.240 didn't buy ice cream at the grocery store. I do now. I don't tolerate it, but I expect that that
00:20:13.720 might happen. I expect that when my oldest son has an issue with his girlfriend or somebody else,
00:20:21.900 he might be dealing with his coach or a player. I expect him to probably try to like disengage and
00:20:29.880 distract himself with other things. I expect that because he's a young man.
00:20:35.560 I don't expect or tolerate that in myself because I'm a grown man. I need to show up more powerfully,
00:20:42.760 more fully, more in tune with what's going on. And you can't run away from your problems.
00:20:51.300 They'll chase you. I was talking with, um, Jim Caviezel and we were talking about the analogy
00:20:58.380 cause he's, he's swam with sharks. And he said, you know, when, when you're, when you're swimming
00:21:05.340 or surfing in the ocean and you feel a bump from a shark, if you swim, they'll eat you
00:21:11.460 cause you look, you're, you're a prey. But he said, if you turn and face and confront
00:21:17.340 that shark looks at you like another predator and says, okay, well, maybe there's
00:21:21.580 an easier victim down the road. Good. Don't be a victim. Don't be the easy target.
00:21:28.760 Stand and fight. You don't need to distract yourself. Stand, fight, learn the skills you
00:21:35.340 need to learn, improve who you are, show up more powerfully for the people in your life,
00:21:39.940 and your life will be measurably improved if you do that. So guys, I know that's kind of a short
00:21:46.440 one today. I know it's a little different. I hope my audio is okay. If you're following this on
00:21:51.420 YouTube, the backdrop looks like a hotel room essentially, but I'm here at the lodge. Wish me
00:21:57.620 luck tonight. I've got one more tag. I need to fill my big buck, my big whitetail buck in Minnesota.
00:22:03.840 And we'll see what we get done. But remember, these are the three habits that are silently
00:22:08.260 destroying you. Distraction, isolation, and sedation. If you have any more or any thoughts
00:22:15.120 on how to overcome those three factors, please let me know. Drop a comment on YouTube, hit me up
00:22:21.500 on Instagram or Facebook, connect with me, and let's stay in touch and continue to help inspire
00:22:26.920 each other to become better men, stronger men, more engaged fathers, more connected husbands,
00:22:33.760 better business owners, stronger community leaders. That's what this movement is all about.
00:22:38.780 So guys, we'll be back on Tuesday for our interview with Jim.
00:22:45.640 So make sure you tune in, subscribe, leave a rating and review.
00:22:49.220 Also, we're closing down the Iron Council at the end of this week.
00:22:52.640 If you want to not be distracted, you want to not be isolated, and you not want to be
00:23:00.360 sedated, then join us inside the Iron Council where all of us, literally hundreds and hundreds
00:23:06.400 of men are working together to hold each other accountable, to push each other, to lean on each
00:23:12.320 other, to celebrate when we win, to kick each other in the pants when we lose and to all make
00:23:17.360 ourselves better. Again, we're closing down the end of this weekend, October 31st. So I believe
00:23:22.440 that's Saturday, October 31st, 2026 head to order of man.com slash iron council. That's order of
00:23:30.380 man.com slash iron council. All right, guys, I'm going to go hunt. We'll see you next week until
00:23:36.700 then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to
00:23:41.940 the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you
00:23:46.760 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.