Order of Man - If You Can't Communicate, You Can't Win ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 Communication is interesting. It's one of those things that the more you do it,

00:00:06.680 the less important it becomes. This is an economic principle, supply and demand.

00:00:12.820 Okay, if your words are in plenty of supply, they're in less demand. The more that you try

00:00:18.600 to explain and talk people into or out of things, the more that you use your words at the expense

00:00:27.880 of meaning or intentionality or purpose, just like economics, the less valuable they are.

00:00:38.260 Guys, today I want to talk with you about the power of communication. Obviously, and I hope

00:00:43.760 it's evident that your ability to communicate is one of the most powerful tools that you have.

00:00:50.940 If you look at any animal in the animal kingdom, without the ability to communicate, we leave

00:00:57.600 ourselves at risk. We have no opportunity to connect with like-minded people. We have no

00:01:04.460 ability to share our ideas and insights or rally people around a common cause for good or against

00:01:14.320 a threat that we might potentially have. And yet, because it's something that we do every single day

00:01:19.540 and all the time, way too many men overlook the importance of critically thinking about how they're

00:01:26.300 communicating. They typically just default to their emotions. You know, if you're angry or

00:01:32.980 frustrated, for example, you might pick up the pace of your cadence. You might elevate the volume

00:01:39.400 of your words. And it's very emotionally driven as opposed to deliberately intentional.

00:01:48.380 if you feel threatened in some way or abused or mistreated or disrespected the tone of your voice

00:01:56.780 goes up you become more frantic you become a lot more incoherent even potentially and you sound

00:02:03.520 weak and defensive and whiny but guys don't think about this we we even have and I fell into this

00:02:12.020 trap before where, uh, trying to relate with somebody and have a small talk type conversation

00:02:19.460 is looked at and viewed at viewed as a waste of time instead of something that can be used to

00:02:25.280 push ideas and rally people together and get to know individuals. And so we, we spend a whole lot

00:02:32.420 of time talking probably more than just about anything else. But I think of the skills that

00:02:39.740 we could develop, we spend less time developing it than just about anything else as well.

00:02:44.600 So today I'm going to talk with you about why communication is one of two things for you.

00:02:49.400 It's either the key, the key to unlock opportunities, relationships, potential

00:02:57.780 romantic partnerships, opportunities for business growth and development,

00:03:03.320 sharing ideas, keeping people safe, or it's your killer. It's the thing that's hiding

00:03:10.120 underneath all of it and keeping you from getting what you want because you're quiet

00:03:16.640 or you're muffled or you don't know how to communicate ideas effectively. People don't

00:03:20.740 listen to you because you haven't improved your ability to communicate. So today I'm

00:03:25.600 going to share with you five key things that you can do to improve your communication as

00:03:31.300 a man and get what you want, help other people get what they want and frankly live a better life

00:03:37.980 because we have the ability to formulate noises from our breath, from our lungs, from our vocal

00:03:47.040 cords, the vibrations that we can make physiologically and form those into noises that

00:03:53.040 sound like words. And it's really, it's really important. We understand that words have meaning,

00:03:58.600 but at the end of the day, the things that you're hearing right now are just noises that I'm

00:04:04.580 manipulating in order to accomplish a desired objective. So the first thing you need to do is

00:04:10.240 ask, what is your objective? If you're talking with your wife, is your objective to communicate

00:04:16.140 with her why we should be running the household in a certain way? If you're talking to your children,

00:04:21.900 is it to get them to buy into the idea that they need to contribute to the household?

00:04:27.140 If you're making noises at one of your clients, is it to get them to buy a product or service that you think will help them?

00:04:34.600 If you're making noises to your boss or maybe even employees, is it to get them to understand some sort of initiative or project that will move the mission forward?

00:04:46.000 So here we go.

00:04:47.260 That's a big lead in, but here we go.

00:04:48.860 Number one, guys, say less, but mean more.

00:04:53.940 I see this all the time with podcasters, frankly, professional communicators who are supposed to be

00:05:00.120 professionals. And you'll hear these guys drop swear word after swear word, F-bomb after F-bomb.

00:05:06.720 And not only do they just sound completely ridiculous, it has no weight and no meaning 0.99

00:05:12.560 whatsoever. The more that I use something, especially if there's no meaning and significance

00:05:17.540 behind it, the less relevant it becomes. So if I just continue to use the F-bomb, for example, 0.56

00:05:23.240 word after word, sentence after sentence, at some point it becomes meaningless. The F word and other

00:05:30.640 swear words are rhetorical tools if you decide to use them correctly because you're being deliberate

00:05:37.300 and intentional about how you use them. Communication is interesting. It's one of those things that the

00:05:46.000 more you do it, the less important it becomes. This is an economic principle, supply and demand.

00:05:53.240 Okay, if your words are in plenty of supply, they're in less demand. You understand that,

00:05:59.520 right? The more that you try to explain and talk people into or out of things, the more that you

00:06:07.520 use your words at the expense of meaning or intentionality or purpose, just like economics,

00:06:16.820 the less valuable they are. Now, the counter to that is that you don't say enough and then you

00:06:23.280 just look aloof or awkward or disinterested or maybe even a jerk. So it is important that we 0.99

00:06:31.820 find the balance between saying the right amount of words, not too much, not too little, but we're

00:06:38.060 going to use what I call minimum effective dose for your communication. If I can share with you

00:06:43.640 in five words what might take somebody else to say 50 words in order to get the same

00:06:49.500 idea across, then I'm going to win because economics. My words are in more demand than

00:06:59.700 supply, which means people are going to listen to me more than the guy who uses 500 words to say

00:07:06.660 what should have taken him 50. So practice with it, play around with it. When you're communicating

00:07:13.580 with your wife or your kids or your clients, you know, one of the things in sales that I often heard

00:07:17.980 is it's very easy to talk yourself out of a sale. And it is, I've done that where a client or a

00:07:24.840 potential customer or prospect has asked me a question. And instead of just ask, answering the

00:07:29.780 question to their degree of understanding, I just kept droning on and on and on and on and brought

00:07:37.680 up new objections, new concerns, new things for them to stall and trip over when I could have

00:07:43.880 just answered their question clear and succinctly and then asked a question back. Guys, say less

00:07:49.140 but mean more. And look, there's two parts to that, right? If I just said say less but not mean

00:07:56.900 more, then that's the guy who's just the wallflower. He sits around on his thumb wondering

00:08:01.780 why people don't pay attention to him or wondering why people don't resonate or even like him

00:08:06.500 because he's sitting in the corner like a weirdo, not communicating at all. If you're going to be

00:08:11.900 somewhere, communicate, be present, but say less. All right. Number two, listen to understand people,

00:08:21.380 nothing else. Listen to understand people, nothing else. Your job is not to formulate

00:08:26.800 a clever comeback, a clap back, an I got you moment. Frankly, more often than not,

00:08:35.520 it's not even to come back with a defense of it or an alternate way of looking. Another thing that

00:08:42.720 people often do is playing devil's advocate. That's stupid. Don't do that. Like if you actually 1.00

00:08:48.900 have an objection or something worth bringing up, you're not being the devil's advocate. But if

00:08:54.580 you're just bringing up bullshit to annoy people or to make yourself sound smart, then you sound 1.00

00:09:01.960 like an idiot and people don't like you. Your job is to listen to other people to understand. 1.00

00:09:09.040 And by the way, that doesn't mean you don't have to talk. What it could mean is that you ask

00:09:13.360 clarifying questions or you use nonverbal communication, which is also a form of

00:09:17.860 communication to let them know you're listening and you're paying attention. So I might use

00:09:23.860 the ability for me to bob my head up and down or say something like, oh, really? Or, oh, that's

00:09:30.380 since I never considered that before, or, whoa, hold on, what did you mean by that?

00:09:35.180 But again, it's not to give a retort.

00:09:37.560 It's not to justify what they're saying or debate what they're saying.

00:09:42.280 It's simply just to understand.

00:09:44.040 Now, look, there are moments in your life where you're going to have to actually converse back and forth

00:09:49.480 and maybe defend your position or give clarification on your own.

00:09:54.960 but I think the greater risk for most men is not that we talk too little, it's that we talk too

00:10:01.700 much. And what I would encourage you to do, as the old saying goes, you have two ears and one mouth,

00:10:08.520 use it proportionately. Listen to understand. And if you don't understand, ask a question.

00:10:15.480 You don't always need to give your perspective, your insight, your idea, and those of you who

00:10:19.640 are married or in a relationship with your significant other understand. She's not always

00:10:24.780 looking for you to provide feedback. She's not always looking for you to give your answer. She

00:10:29.400 probably already has the answer. And what she wants from you is not, does he hear me, but does

00:10:36.720 he understand me? Does he see me? Does he acknowledge me? Does he recognize me as a

00:10:43.220 partner in his life? Or does he just look at me like a child and wants to solve all my problems?

00:10:49.060 So I'm going to tell you right now, guys, when you're communicating with clients, colleagues,

00:10:53.080 friends, coworkers, kids, your wife, whoever, listen to understand what they're trying to say.

00:11:00.340 And the other benefit of this is you will be way more likable because people love to talk about

00:11:06.060 themselves. And if that's the case and you're the person to be able to create opportunities where

00:11:11.080 other people can talk about themselves, you win. You absolutely win by default. Okay. Number three,

00:11:17.540 match your tone to the stakes at hand. I talk with a lot of guys who either will express or

00:11:28.820 buy into the idea that this is just the way that I am. If you don't like how I communicate,

00:11:34.620 then that's your problem. No, that's your problem. We as men are leaders. We want to lead. We want

00:11:42.080 to communicate ideas. We want to cast vision. We want to influence people into our camp and our

00:11:48.200 movement so that we can do what we believe is in their best interest. And if you buy into this idea

00:11:54.660 that this is just how I do it, this is just how I communicate, take it or leave it. This is me.

00:12:01.280 I'm being authentic. I'm being genuine. I'm being transparent. I'm being the real me.

00:12:07.440 and everybody hates you then cool bro you are the real you and nobody likes to spend any time with

00:12:14.780 you it's not not the real you to match your tone cadence style inflection pace etc with what

00:12:24.660 somebody is dealing with i'll give you an example my youngest son he's 10 years old he loves pokemon

00:12:30.820 cards not like my favorite thing in the world but it's something that we do together and the other

00:12:36.620 day he came over and he had his pokemon card binder and he showed it to me and i could see

00:12:42.640 that he was very excited about it probably way more excited about his pokemon cards than i was 0.97

00:12:50.440 and yet i didn't give him this dry monotone answer of why that's stupid or you know you probably 0.97

00:13:00.480 spent way more money on that than it's worth. I didn't do that. What I did is I got wide-eyed 0.98

00:13:07.120 and I'm like, cool, man. A little higher pitch, a little faster cadence, a little more expressive

00:13:13.880 than maybe I normally am. And I said, cool, bud. Show me. What's that card? Tell me about that

00:13:19.660 card. Tell me about this card. What's that? What's that one worth? Why do you like that one? Why do

00:13:23.360 you're not like this one match your tone to the stakes if you come home and your wife is visibly 0.99

00:13:30.500 upset and she's bothered you're not going to come in and like slap her on the butt and say hey babe 0.91

00:13:36.320 and give her a kiss on the cheek and say man today was such a great day hope you're doing good like 0.98

00:13:40.320 what's for dinner no you're going to walk into the house and you're going to say hey babe like

00:13:47.100 what's going on everything all right how how was your day I'm a little worried like it seems like

00:13:54.300 you're a little down today and she might say to you yeah well you know I got I went to the PTA

00:13:59.080 meeting or the the parent teacher conference and uh little Timmy is bullying people it's like oh

00:14:05.380 hold on okay let me set my bag down let me uh loosen my tie a little bit here and figure out

00:14:11.720 what's going on. And so you can match your tone and your cadence to what people in your life are

00:14:18.860 experiencing. If you can't do that, like why communicate at all? I mean, how many times have

00:14:28.340 you talked to this person who just sounds like a robot? We're repulsed by robots, by the way.

00:14:36.200 humans are repulsed by robots because it's, it's not relatable. There's actually been studies that

00:14:42.680 show this where you might have these very humanoid type robots. And yet people are to say the least,

00:14:49.840 a little standoffish and not trusting of it because they're not like us. And the same is

00:14:55.540 true. If you go into some sort of a meeting, let's say you go and let's say you go home and

00:15:02.680 your wife is like um you know hey babe like I just found out dad has cancer and you go in there

00:15:11.760 you're like dad today was awesome it was so fun we had so much fun and went to lunch and I went

00:15:15.800 and hit nine with the with the boys and we had a great time and it's like you're so excited about

00:15:21.300 it and having fun and laughing and jovial and joking and she's over here devastated because

00:15:27.120 her father just got diagnosed with with cancer like it sounds silly when I say it that way

00:15:31.960 because that's an extreme example, but you do it all the time with your kids. When they tell you

00:15:36.980 something that maybe is dumb, like, let's be honest, you know, our kids sometimes come to us 0.95

00:15:42.020 and they're, you know, they might tell us a crazy story about how they didn't tie their shoe and 0.91

00:15:48.580 then they stepped on it and somebody said something and then they tripped and then somebody made fun

00:15:52.820 of like, I don't care. I don't care about that. Like in my heart of hearts, I don't care about

00:15:58.940 that. And yet my kid does. And so it'd be important for me to match the tone of the conversation

00:16:06.020 with what they're experiencing. And the more you do that, the more relatable and likable you become,

00:16:12.380 which helps you build trust and influence so that when you eventually share something with them,

00:16:17.440 maybe it's you getting after them a little bit because they're not doing what they need to be

00:16:20.400 doing. Or maybe it's because you're excited about something. They will begin to mirror and match

00:16:27.240 what you're excited about. But if you come at it from a different approach and your tone,

00:16:34.280 inflection, cadence, enthusiasm does not match theirs, it's really disingenuous. It's very hard

00:16:42.420 to relate with. Okay. So number four, using small talk as leverage. This one's a hard one for a lot

00:16:50.340 of guys. And it was hard for me. I don't care about the weather. I don't. I don't care about

00:16:56.520 somebody was telling me, Oh, football just started and I'm excited to watch football again.

00:17:00.020 And I, I don't care. I don't care. I literally could not care any less about that, but I don't

00:17:07.840 tell them that because that's stupid and it's not honoring what other people care about. 0.97

00:17:16.140 So I ran into a friend the other day and they had said, I said, how you, how you been? And he's like, 0.99

00:17:23.320 I'm doing really good. It was kind of cool because football started back up again. I don't, I don't

00:17:28.700 care. It doesn't matter to me. It does not impact my life in one way or the other. I like watching

00:17:34.000 a football game here and there fun. Sure. Whatever. I don't have a team. I don't have a player. I don't

00:17:40.000 have a Jersey with another man's name on my back. I don't, I don't have any of that, but this guy

00:17:44.720 does. And I'm not going to think less of them because that's the case. And I said, Oh, that's

00:17:50.680 cool. Like, even though it's not cool to me, it's cool to him. So that's cool. Like, and I said,

00:17:55.680 that's cool. Um, who's your team? And he said, I really liked the Cowboys. I'm like, Oh yeah.

00:18:02.540 I said, I hate the Cowboys just playing with them. He's like, Oh, why is that? And I, and I gave him

00:18:06.440 a reason and, and it's a legitimate reason. Uh, but we bantered and we talked about it and we

00:18:11.460 played about it and it was a great conversation. And so you might be tempted to walk away from a

00:18:17.620 small talk time type conversation and think, well, that was a waste of time. I don't think so.

00:18:23.820 I used to think it was because it wasn't something I wanted to talk about, but clearly it's something

00:18:28.200 that somebody else may want to talk about. And the beauty of it is that me and that person,

00:18:33.180 my buddy are actually more connected today than we were prior to that conversation about the

00:18:38.400 Dallas Cowboys, which I have literally like this much interest in. And if you don't, if you're not

00:18:44.680 watching this on YouTube, it's like my fingers are together. I have zero interest in this,

00:18:49.040 but I care about him. I care about understanding what a person's dealing with. I care about

00:18:56.700 what other people are interested in. I care about what gets people riled up and fired up

00:19:02.100 and excited about. My son talks about Pokemon. I just told you that. I don't care about Pokemon.

00:19:08.880 He does.

00:19:11.400 Okay, if I'm in the grocery store and the cashier wants to talk about the weather,

00:19:19.340 I don't care about the weather.

00:19:21.220 It means nothing to me.

00:19:22.600 I mean, it might mean I'll get a little wet or be a little hot if it's hot out there,

00:19:26.660 but it means nothing.

00:19:27.740 But it means something to them.

00:19:29.120 And people are using small talk as the ability to connect and relate with other human beings.

00:19:35.420 So if the cashier is like, oh, how about that weather?

00:19:38.340 I'm not going to blow it off, even though I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to say,

00:19:41.640 yeah, it's crazy, right? I can't believe how much rain we've got. We've needed this rain.

00:19:46.840 Do you like the rain? And then she might say, oh, I love it or I hate it. I wish it didn't rain.

00:19:53.760 Whatever. Again, I don't care about it. What I do care about is other people. And you can use

00:20:00.660 small talk to leverage yourself into positions of influence. Now, I'm not saying that we need

00:20:05.280 to manipulate and massage it and take advantage of people. But if I'm going to work with a prospect

00:20:11.040 and the prospect of mine wants to talk about his kid's soccer game and the championship they won

00:20:18.580 over the weekend, you know what? That's what we're talking about. As a financial advisor,

00:20:24.880 I always like tried to get down to brass tacks because that's my personality, but I'd have people

00:20:29.320 come in. They're like, oh yeah, my cousins, uncles, brothers, best friends, sisters, wife,

00:20:34.180 mother told me this thing and in my mind I'm rolling my eyes like I don't give a fuck about 0.91

00:20:41.360 any of this but I was engaged because that's what they want to talk about and if that's what we need 0.89

00:20:49.520 to talk about in order to relate with people in order to build influence in order to find out more

00:20:56.000 and be curious to point I think number two I talked about then that's what I'm going to do

00:21:00.920 And that's okay. I love that people are excited about things that maybe I'm not so excited about.

00:21:07.380 And I'm curious about what they are because that leads to deeper friendships. It leads to greater

00:21:12.660 business opportunity. It leads to real connection. It leads to them listening to you when you're

00:21:18.780 talking about things they aren't interested in. And it's just a, it's just a nice way to connect

00:21:23.760 with people. So let's get over the small talk thing. I used to say that all the time. I hate

00:21:28.700 small talk. I actually love it now. I like small talk because I know what it creates. All right,

00:21:34.740 guys, the last thing is to own your words. People do not like wishy-washy ideas. I'm just convinced.

00:21:45.400 I think most people, the overwhelming majority of people would rather hear an uncomfortable,

00:21:50.600 honest opinion about what you think about something over a wishy-washy, weak sauce, 0.94

00:22:00.920 kind of just kind of pathetic PC answer to everything. And I'm not saying that everything

00:22:09.360 you do has to be controversial. I'm not saying every conversation has to be a debate. I do

00:22:17.080 personally, I like some verbal jousting. I do like to debate. I like to argue interesting ideas.

00:22:22.720 Not everything has to be that. That's something I have to be aware of.

00:22:26.380 But when somebody asks my opinion, I'm going to give them my opinion.

00:22:31.860 When somebody says, what do you want to do? I'm going to tell them what I want to do.

00:22:37.580 And I'm just convinced that, you know, the overwhelming majority of people that I talk

00:22:41.960 with are grown adults. And if they don't like, or have issue with something I say, or a suggestion

00:22:47.520 that I make about where to go to dinner, then because they're a grown adult, they can tell me.

00:22:52.780 You know, if I, if I, if I choose to ask a woman on a date, for example, and, and by the way,

00:22:58.560 I think a lot of women really appreciate this because most men don't do it. And if you're a

00:23:03.860 woman, you can agree with me and share your insight on that or disagree. But I think most women 0.94

00:23:10.580 really just want men to lead so if i decide to ask a woman on a date and i'm like hey let's go 0.99

00:23:16.880 out friday night and she's like oh cool like what would you like to do i'm never going to say it's 1.00

00:23:22.720 just not in my vocabulary what do you want to do women hate that shit people hate that shit guys 0.99

00:23:30.920 the correct answer is well hey there's this steakhouse that i really like downtown and i 0.99

00:23:39.960 can get us reservations on Friday at seven. Does that work for you? She can say yes or no. She's

00:23:48.560 a big girl. I think overwhelmingly, unless she's allergic to steak, you know, maybe she has that

00:23:54.720 Lone Star Tick disease, alpha gout or whatever it's called, which would be horrible by the way. 1.00

00:24:03.300 She can, she can tell me like, no, I'd rather go to that Asian place. Cool. Asian it is. 1.00

00:24:10.500 Or, hey, I don't, you know, I went there last week. 1.00

00:24:14.540 It wasn't that good.

00:24:15.400 Like, is there anywhere else?

00:24:16.820 Oh, yeah.

00:24:17.620 There's the sushi place actually right next door.

00:24:20.860 And I've been there a thousand times.

00:24:22.240 It's amazing.

00:24:22.920 You'd love it.

00:24:23.440 You should get their, I don't know, their Las Vegas roll or whatever.

00:24:30.200 But own your words.

00:24:32.360 Like you have ideas, you have insights, you have opinions, you have thoughts.

00:24:35.860 and there's a ton of men just wandering around

00:24:38.940 with all of our thoughts and insights

00:24:40.980 and experience and expertise

00:24:42.280 and just stuff down inside

00:24:44.800 because we think we're putting people out

00:24:47.260 because we give our opinion.

00:24:49.240 And I would argue the opposite is actually true.

00:24:51.580 When you express yourself in a positive way,

00:24:54.460 that's where people really connect with you.

00:24:56.760 So again, to use that example,

00:24:57.840 if I ask a woman out on a date Friday night

00:24:59.940 and I'm like, hey, there's this really cool steakhouse

00:25:02.160 that I heard just opened

00:25:03.220 and I can get us reservations Friday night at seven.

00:25:05.860 she learned something about me. Okay. What does she learn? She learns I like steak, which is true.

00:25:13.800 She learns that I have an opinion that I'm willing to share. She learns that I'm willing to lead

00:25:20.600 and express and come up with ideas that 99% of most men are not willing to do.

00:25:28.540 And then if she says, I don't really like steak, I'm kind of feeling like Asian. And I'm like,

00:25:33.040 cool. There's, here's a couple of Asian food options. Then she learns that I can adjust and

00:25:37.100 pivot without throwing a little temper tantrum because I don't get to go to the steakhouse that

00:25:40.840 I want. But you can do none of that if all you do is just sit on your thumbs and let everybody else

00:25:49.380 dictate your entire life. People don't want to do that. So own your words. Another, another thing,

00:25:58.580 This is controversial, but I would say I still stand by what I said years and years ago is that if your wife, let's say you're going to the steakhouse Friday night and your wife comes in, she's got a couple of dresses and she's like, hey, I'm thinking about wearing this or this.

00:26:14.120 What do you think?

00:26:16.060 If you say, well, I don't know, whatever you think, whichever one you like, man, you are just abdicating masculine leadership.

00:26:25.560 or maybe she comes in in a pair of jeans that's not really like your favorite maybe it's not as

00:26:31.660 flattering on her as another pair and she's like hey like what do you think now you can be tactful

00:26:37.620 and I encourage you to be tactful but I'd say you know babe um I actually really like that darker

00:26:42.980 pair of denim that you have or hey the red dress looks great but there's this blue one that you

00:26:48.320 have. And I really like the way that one looks on you. Why don't, I don't understand why people

00:26:56.160 don't just own their words, own their opinion. You know, if, if, if you've got a, if you've got

00:27:02.280 a buddy and he's got a big, long beard and you're out eating food and he's got some food in his

00:27:07.420 beard, everybody like 99% of people won't say anything. Why just own it. Hey dude, check your

00:27:15.800 beard. You got a little food in there. He's saving it for later. And just say it. Okay. Again, you

00:27:21.300 have to be a little tactful on how you say things. You don't want to embarrass people. Or, you know,

00:27:25.180 somebody has a piece of toilet paper on their shoe, like actually own it. You have thoughts,

00:27:31.520 you have ideas, you have insight, you have interesting things to share. Use it unapologetically,

00:27:38.280 do it tactfully. We can talk a little bit about that another day, but just own your words. And

00:27:44.180 and the other point that I wanted to make with regards to owning your words is when you say

00:27:49.580 something, you, you are now obligated to follow through. If you tell somebody you're going to

00:27:56.140 pick them up at seven o'clock, then you, you have to pick them up at seven o'clock. And if you're

00:28:01.480 running late, cause that happens, then you have to text them and say, Hey, I'm running a few minutes

00:28:04.300 behind, but I'll, but I'll be there at seven or five or seven 10 or seven 15. If you tell people

00:28:11.360 like, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to be there tomorrow to help you move. You, you have to be

00:28:16.440 there tomorrow to help them move. Now, look, some things come up. And so if they do communicate on

00:28:21.600 your words, communicate with them, Hey, bro. Um, I took my kid to the hospital, to the ER last night.

00:28:29.260 Uh, they, they, um, broke their arm at, at lacrosse practice. And so I had to go to the ER.

00:28:35.620 And so I stayed up all night in the ER. I'm not going to be able to make it at 8am tomorrow. Um,

00:28:40.240 but i'll but i'll be there at noon or hey since i'm not able to help you move can i drop my truck

00:28:46.840 off so you can use it if you need it or can i help you get things settled or help you build

00:28:51.680 that fence when you move into the new house like things come up i get that but you have to own your

00:28:57.280 words you have you have to fully believe in everything that you're saying and by the way if 0.97

00:29:01.900 you if if you don't believe in what you're saying then just keep your dang mouth shut 0.81

00:29:07.160 those are the two options either do what you said you're going to do or keep your yapper closed 0.98

00:29:14.240 i've had to learn that one because i've made promises and commitments that in the moment

00:29:18.820 sound really awesome make me sound really good that i just wasn't interested in following through

00:29:24.280 on and so i'm learning to just keep my big mouth shut if i don't actually mean i'm going to do a

00:29:30.820 thing. But if I say it, then I'm going to do it. And that's what makes the noises that we make

00:29:37.360 powerful, right? If I just grunted and snorted into the microphone, it would mean nothing to you

00:29:46.800 other than the meaning we give it. But what gives words weight and power is the action

00:29:55.220 that supports the words. It's like when the US went off the gold standard, you know, that's,

00:30:03.220 that's the demise of successful economics. Well, now the dollar means nothing. You know,

00:30:11.000 I could, I could pull out, I got my wallet right here. By the way, I've got this really cool wallet.

00:30:16.460 If you can't see it, it's a wallet that a friend of mine made for me years and years ago. And I've

00:30:23.780 got some cash right here. Let's see. I've got 20, 40, 60, 81, 10. I've got $111 in here

00:30:33.180 in cash. When we went off the gold standard, this became worthless. The only reason this

00:30:44.960 is worth anything is because as a country, we've collectively decided that this means something.

00:30:50.140 So if I give you $20, you're going to give me in what you think is $20 worth of value in your services or products or whatever it is that you offer to me, right?

00:30:59.340 But this actually doesn't mean anything.

00:31:02.600 It used to, but it doesn't today.

00:31:06.480 Sorry, there's my OCD.

00:31:07.860 If you're watching this on YouTube, I had to actually turn all my bills the exact same way.

00:31:11.680 So there's $110.

00:31:13.520 What does that mean?

00:31:14.460 Well, it only means as much as my word.

00:31:16.620 if that didn't mean anything then people wouldn't trade that that's called inflation

00:31:23.240 if i'm running my mouth constantly about what i'm gonna do or not do or how i'm gonna help or

00:31:30.520 in which way i'm gonna follow through on commitments or do things and there's no

00:31:36.460 gold or weight behind it then nobody believes me anymore and what a what a horrible thing for you

00:31:41.880 as a man, when nobody believes you, when your word, the noises that you make don't mean anything.

00:31:47.520 Think about it, guys. Those noises are only as valuable as the weight behind them, the same way

00:31:56.820 this $110 is only as valuable as the promise behind it. That's why it's not as valuable as

00:32:06.060 it was 20, 30, 40, 50, 80 years ago. Guys, it's really important that we learn to communicate

00:32:12.900 effectively. It's the greatest single tool that you have at your disposal. So let's break it down

00:32:21.120 again. Number one, say less, mean more. Number two, listen to understand and nothing else.

00:32:29.580 Number three, match your tone to the stakes at hand. Number four, use small talk as leverage.

00:32:34.740 And number five, own your words.

00:32:39.000 If you guys have other thoughts on communication

00:32:41.000 and how this can more effectively serve you,

00:32:43.340 please drop a comment on YouTube.

00:32:45.720 Go to youtube.com slash order of man.

00:32:47.760 I think we've got 350,000 subscribers over there.

00:32:50.680 We'd love to see that channel grow.

00:32:52.620 If there's somebody in your life

00:32:53.880 who wants to be a more effective communicator,

00:32:55.800 whether they're a public speaker

00:32:56.860 or just a man in general,

00:32:59.320 and they wanna learn how to communicate more effectively,

00:33:01.140 just take a screenshot real quick

00:33:02.360 or hit that little share button

00:33:04.220 wherever you're listening to podcasts and just say, Hey, I listened to this podcast about

00:33:08.080 five ways to be a better communicator. Check it out. It's like a 30 or 40 minute listen.

00:33:13.440 But I hope this serves you. That's the most important thing. I want these Friday field

00:33:17.400 notes to serve you. If you want to learn how to become a more effective communicator,

00:33:21.460 you want to have other powerful conversations like this. And you also want a platform where

00:33:26.260 you can begin to experiment with communicating more effectively. I want you to join our

00:33:31.800 Brotherhood. It's called the Iron Council. There's a million of them out there. I'm fully aware of 0.80

00:33:37.600 that. When we started 11 years ago, there was two and I was one of them. Now there's a million,

00:33:43.440 but I'll tell you what, we've been doing this for 11 years. So for every men's group, whether it's

00:33:51.200 faith-based or business-based or whatever that comes in, it seems like just as many fizzle out

00:33:58.680 because they don't know how to do it properly.

00:34:00.780 We do because we've been testing it for 11 years.

00:34:03.480 So if you're looking for a true brotherhood

00:34:05.320 of like-minded men,

00:34:07.260 men who communicate opportunities to develop

00:34:09.940 and hone skills that will apply in the real world,

00:34:12.840 then join us inside the Iron Council.

00:34:15.400 Head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:34:18.540 All right, guys, that's all I've got for you today.

00:34:21.140 Again, communication is your key or your killer.

00:34:24.360 You get to decide.

00:34:25.600 I'll be back next week for our interview.

00:34:27.100 until then, go out there, take action, communicate like a man, and become the man you are meant to

00:34:33.020 be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:34:38.360 and be more of the man you were meant to be? We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 18, 2026

If You Can't Communicate, You Can't Win ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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