Order of Man - July 31, 2026


Strong Backs, Callused Hands, and Bruised Hearts | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

36 minutes

Words per minute

157.62

Word count

5,712

Sentence count

302

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Toxicity

51

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Are you not re-engaging in life because you're protecting yourself or are you just avoiding
00:00:06.660 being back in the arena? Because those aren't the same thing. Protecting yourself is wisdom,
00:00:12.660 I'll give you that, but avoiding it altogether, dressed up as wisdom, is actually cowardice.
00:00:20.960 And maybe we're just, you know, like painting over it, glossing over it, making it sound better
00:00:25.640 than it is. But if you're just avoiding, you're being a coward. You're not being wise. Wise is 0.99
00:00:30.680 learning the lesson and getting back in the arena and then doing something different.
00:00:34.880 Men, I want you to look at a man's hands after 20 years of real work. They're not soft. They're
00:00:43.080 not smooth, but cracked knuckles, thick elephant pad calluses, maybe a finger or two that doesn't
00:00:54.480 quite sit straight or maybe he's not even there maybe it's he's missing a finger because you know
00:01:03.180 he broke it or lost it on the table saw when he was 10 but he kept working anyway and those hands
00:01:12.120 tell a story before that type of guy even says a word and then look at his back
00:01:18.280 you know bent bent a little bit more maybe it's crooked maybe it's not quite as as straight as
00:01:25.220 it ought to be maybe you might think he has scoliosis like we used to get tested for when
00:01:30.640 i was i don't know eight years old you know our uh you know uh grandma grandma elma or whatever
00:01:41.440 He used to like check our backs for scoliosis, but this is a guy who's been carrying weight, physical ones, financial weight, the weight of people who just depend on a guy like him to carry the load.
00:02:00.440 And you can read a lot about a man's work and labor in his back the same way that you might read it in his hands.
00:02:09.540 I was at the gym today and I saw this really metro, looks maxing, effeminate guy in the gym and he was doing bench press on the Smith machine instead of free bench presses with gloves on his hands.
00:02:27.640 Look, not completely judgmental, at least he's there, but also do some free bench presses.
00:02:35.980 Take the gloves off. It's okay if you have a few calluses on your hands.
00:02:42.040 But there's also another place where the work of men shows up and almost no one looks there.
00:02:50.360 Society doesn't look there. Culture doesn't look there. It's his heart.
00:02:54.040 it's not the muscle it's not the reading it's not the beats per minute
00:02:58.560 but it's the man underneath it it's it's the part of him that's absorbed the blows of failure
00:03:07.160 one of my favorite quotes of all time is the real man gains renown by standing between his family
00:03:14.160 and destruction absorbing the blows of fate with equanimity and you can tell this in a man's heart
00:03:22.320 it's betrayal it's death of a loved one i i've actually i have two friends
00:03:29.940 who just in the past 48 hours one has lost her sister to cancer another one is working through
00:03:41.840 actually two actually now that i say that two men very close men in my circle who are
00:03:48.640 walking with their wife in overcoming cancer and the treatment of that.
00:03:58.720 It's the death of the people that we love.
00:04:01.140 It's the weight of promises that we as men fail to keep at times
00:04:08.020 because the natural man got the better of us.
00:04:11.840 And that part, the heart carries bruises too.
00:04:14.700 Not the physical necessarily.
00:04:18.640 but the soul. And these big backs and strong hands and bruised hearts, they don't just show up when
00:04:30.060 we roll up our sleeves. We build an entire culture around admiring the first two. You can see a guy
00:04:38.900 and you think, that's a big, strong guy, or you see his calloused hands, but we ignore the third.
00:04:44.560 like we do celebrate at times the calluses we'll respect the that bent back you know i see old men
00:04:51.260 who are still holding their wives hands or opening the door for his 80 year old bride and i love it
00:04:58.260 but the bruised heart the part of a man that's been hit probably the hardest man is still working
00:05:04.660 is still pumping we we don't really know what to do with that so we don't talk about it or worse
00:05:12.080 we're taught to be ashamed of it, that you have emotion, that you have experiences, that you have
00:05:16.280 feelings, that you have desires and dreams and ambitions, but you're not supposed to talk about
00:05:21.460 it. Like a bruise in the heart that somehow it's a proof of you being weak instead of proof that
00:05:30.380 you're not. And I want to change how you think about that today. In 1910, and this should be
00:05:40.460 important year for all of us for this reason among others. But Theodore Roosevelt stood up
00:05:46.380 in Paris and he gave this incredible speech that most of you listening, if not all of you,
00:05:55.320 have heard some fragment of, even if you don't know where it came from. It's called Citizenship
00:06:00.820 in a Republic. It's not called the man in the arena. That's what you guys are thinking. It's
00:06:04.780 not called that it's called the citizenship in a republic and buried inside that message
00:06:11.960 is an excerpt that's been quoted more than just probably about anything else and that's called
00:06:19.580 the man in the arena and here it is in full because it deserves to be heard that that segment
00:06:26.140 anyways and not chopped up into a meme so let me read this to you and just if you're in a position
00:06:34.020 where you can close your eyes and you can sit on your chair, your recliner, or in bed. Or maybe
00:06:39.000 you're at the gym right now in between reps. Maybe you're mowing the lawn. Or maybe you're on the
00:06:43.660 porch and you just need a breather for a second. Or you're about to go to bed and your kids are
00:06:47.640 crying and screaming and kicking and wailing and gnashing of teeth. And you're like, I just need
00:06:52.500 a breather. Listen to this for a second. Okay, here it is. It's not the critic who counts.
00:06:59.120 not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have
00:07:08.580 done them better the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena whose face is marred
00:07:19.060 by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly,
00:07:24.500 who errs, who comes short again and again
00:07:29.520 because there is no effort without error
00:07:33.080 and no shortcoming,
00:07:34.740 but who does actually strive to do the deeds,
00:07:39.400 who knows great enthusiasms,
00:07:44.100 the great devotions,
00:07:45.400 who spends himself in a worthy cause,
00:07:49.020 who at the best knows in the end of, excuse me,
00:07:52.500 in the end, the triumph of high achievement
00:07:54.900 and who at the worst, if he fails,
00:07:59.800 at least he fails while daring greatly
00:08:02.900 so that his place shall never be
00:08:06.320 with those cold and timid souls
00:08:08.860 who neither know victory nor defeat.
00:08:13.240 Think about that.
00:08:15.260 Rewind it 30 or 45 seconds or whatever it took me to read that again and listen.
00:08:23.140 Notice what Roosevelt is actually saying.
00:08:25.400 He's not describing a man who wins. 0.99
00:08:28.800 He's describing a man who bleeds.
00:08:32.580 Dust and sweat and blood, errors, coming up short again and again,
00:08:38.620 fails while daring greatly.
00:08:40.100 This is not a man who wins at every turn.
00:08:44.400 the man in the arena isn't the guy with a trophy all the time.
00:08:48.320 He isn't the guy that hits the lottery all the time.
00:08:50.980 He's a guy getting hit, and then he gets back up anyways.
00:08:54.580 And listen to the pre-intro or whatever you want to call it for this podcast.
00:08:58.600 You get back up again and again and again, one more time, every time.
00:09:04.280 The whole point of the passage is that the wounds that we have,
00:09:09.480 big backs, calloused hands, bruised hearts
00:09:13.280 are the proof of the effort, not evidence against it. 1.00
00:09:18.680 So you fucked up in life. 0.99
00:09:21.280 So you went through a divorce. 0.99
00:09:22.940 So you're overcoming addiction.
00:09:24.780 So you filed bankruptcy.
00:09:26.920 So you've been, as one of my close friends, 0.98
00:09:29.140 Jay Lowry often says, you were a roach. 0.98
00:09:33.220 Okay. 0.96
00:09:34.320 Yeah, you were those things.
00:09:36.580 I'm not telling you that you can't admit where you fell short.
00:09:39.480 But what we want as men in ourselves and others around us is that strong back.
00:09:45.140 It's those calloused hands because those are the visible, respectable,
00:09:49.960 sometimes easy to admire at a barbecue or a conference or a workout or a Spartan race.
00:09:59.740 But what we do want is that heart that's untouched.
00:10:03.640 we want a man who's carried weight without ever being bruised and beat up and burdened by it
00:10:12.680 and that man does not exist you can put on every face you can put on every mask you can pretend
00:10:19.500 that nothing's ever impacted you and i've been dealing with things in my own life and the things
00:10:25.320 of others that i care about i've fielded just in the past two days probably six calls from friends 0.98
00:10:32.580 who are dealing with some real shit. 0.96
00:10:36.020 Okay, that guy who doesn't deal with anything, 0.99
00:10:38.560 who doesn't have a hurt heart, does not exist.
00:10:40.680 He never has.
00:10:41.480 Every man who has ever built something,
00:10:45.560 led something, loved someone,
00:10:48.380 fought for a cause,
00:10:51.040 has a bruised heart to show for it.
00:10:54.040 And the question isn't whether you'll take the hit.
00:10:56.260 The question is, what do you do with what's left?
00:11:02.580 what do you do when you've been beat up
00:11:06.400 and banged around and badgered and everything?
00:11:09.840 What do you do with that?
00:11:12.480 There's three things I want you to walk away with today.
00:11:15.440 Okay, number one is that the wound that you have,
00:11:18.220 whether it's the heart or the back or the calloused hands
00:11:21.780 or the injuries that you've been dealing with
00:11:24.580 as a consequence of any of that,
00:11:27.380 the wounds that you're carrying around
00:11:29.240 are not the opposite of strength.
00:11:31.080 it's the evidence of it a man with an unbruised heart at 45 years old it isn't a strong man
00:11:39.340 he's a man who never got into the arena I mean I talk with people like this on social media all
00:11:45.180 the time I had a guy just the other day I made a post about what I think it means to be a good man
00:11:49.540 and a good father and I don't expect that all of you agree with me a hundred percent of the time
00:11:55.060 but this guy said, yeah, coming from, what did he say? Coming from a divorced podcasting
00:12:02.960 addict in recovery. And I messaged him back and I made a commitment not to be an asshole, 1.00
00:12:13.380 which is something I have to fight against. And I said, oh yeah, you know, it must be really nice 0.98
00:12:20.040 to have everything handed to you on a silver platter.
00:12:22.600 It must be really nice,
00:12:24.080 never have to have to deal with any issue
00:12:26.340 and just sit on the sideline and take pop shots.
00:12:29.060 And I was teeing this guy up
00:12:30.160 and he fell right into it as I knew he would.
00:12:32.220 And he said, well, you're just making assumptions.
00:12:34.140 Right, because I was saying it jokingly and mockingly.
00:12:37.560 And he said, I, what did he say?
00:12:40.100 I was abandoned by the time I was three.
00:12:42.620 I got into drugs and alcohol abuse.
00:12:45.460 And he listed off this litany of challenges
00:12:47.960 that he's dealt with. 0.69
00:12:49.020 and I didn't feel like I needed to just stomp on his nuts 0.90
00:12:52.540 while he was telling me
00:12:54.100 about all the things going wrong in his life.
00:12:56.140 I thought, yeah, exactly.
00:12:58.240 And do those challenges make you weaker or tougher?
00:13:02.120 And I told him, you're just proving the point.
00:13:04.600 We all have baggage, bro.
00:13:07.340 Maybe it's addiction.
00:13:08.880 Maybe it's pornography.
00:13:10.480 Maybe it's a divorce. 1.00
00:13:12.220 Maybe it's being an asshole or lack of patience. 1.00
00:13:15.400 Maybe it's being a lazy sack of shit. 1.00
00:13:17.180 I don't know. 1.00
00:13:17.680 I don't know what your thing is.
00:13:19.020 but we all have it.
00:13:20.300 And for you to cast stones at me
00:13:22.340 because I happen to be somebody who's relatively public 0.78
00:13:26.020 is hypocrisy at its best.
00:13:30.460 And he said, yeah, but I'd never make money
00:13:33.080 selling products to guys who are hurting.
00:13:39.180 As if making money and doing something you love
00:13:44.060 or a service for society are mutually exclusive.
00:13:47.120 They're not.
00:13:49.960 I'd ask you, if you're still listening to this, what is it that you do? Maybe you're an attorney.
00:13:55.040 Oh, really? Are you telling me that you're not going to help people go through family trauma
00:14:01.420 out of the goodness of your heart? Why are you charging people? Or maybe you're a CPA. Oh,
00:14:06.800 really? You're telling me that you won't just help people fight against the government because
00:14:11.900 you're a good human being, you have to make money from it? Or maybe you're a therapist.
00:14:16.160 Oh, you're going to help people work through their issues and talk about their problems
00:14:21.620 and find solutions to what they're dealing with, but you have to charge for it?
00:14:26.520 Or maybe you're a plumber.
00:14:28.160 Oh, well, you know, their house faucet or sink or toilet is leaking,
00:14:33.040 and you're telling me you're going to come over and you're going to charge them
00:14:37.440 when their family is struggling because their toilet is leaking
00:14:41.340 and creating thousands of dollars worth of damage?
00:14:43.880 Why wouldn't you just do that out of the goodness of your heart? 1.00
00:14:46.300 This is the stupidity of the arguments that we hear. 1.00
00:14:50.160 These are men who are in the arena, but they don't acknowledge themselves as in the arena. 1.00
00:14:55.840 And so while they're dealing with their own stuff, they'll pick up stones and they'll pick up dirt and they'll even take their own shoes off and they'll sling them at you and they'll throw them at you.
00:15:07.240 And they'll say, you're doing it wrong as they chastise you for doing it wrong to others.
00:15:13.880 it's ironic at best and disgusting at worst.
00:15:20.520 Those are men who, I was going to say they never got in the arena.
00:15:24.420 No, they got in the arena, but they don't even acknowledge
00:15:27.200 that they're part of the gladiator.
00:15:29.260 They're the gladiator.
00:15:31.500 These are guys who want to keep themselves safe.
00:15:33.700 They want to cast stones.
00:15:35.900 They want to keep their risk low.
00:15:37.440 They don't want to turn that discernment.
00:15:42.500 I'm saying that generously
00:15:44.840 towards themselves
00:15:45.760 they want to turn it towards you
00:15:47.120 these are guys
00:15:49.600 who want to keep their hands clean
00:15:50.860 they don't want to get dirty
00:15:51.920 and these are also guys
00:15:54.500 who have nothing to show for it
00:15:55.700 but the absence of scars
00:15:57.540 there's a country music song
00:16:02.000 I can't remember who sings it 1.00
00:16:03.140 Chicks Dig Scars
00:16:04.160 Kyle Carpenter 1.00
00:16:06.340 the youngest living
00:16:07.440 Medal of Honor recipient
00:16:08.700 Instagram title is 0.99
00:16:10.320 Chicks Dig Scars 0.62
00:16:11.340 Yeah, they do because they realize that that's a man who's lived a life, who's put himself in harm's way. 0.99
00:16:17.700 And you take a guy like Kyle Carpenter, that guy jumped on a fucking grenade for his brothers. 0.94
00:16:24.520 He saw a grenade being thrown and lobbed over onto the rooftop of his base. 0.99
00:16:31.380 And instead of running, he decided, you know what, I'm going to jump on that fucking thing. 0.97
00:16:36.080 if there isn't a better example of what it means to be a man i don't know what example you could 0.97
00:16:42.640 share he jumped on a grenade he told me in a podcast that he said he woke up and he and he
00:16:50.020 wasn't entirely there obviously and he thought because he could feel this warm liquid that his
00:16:55.340 friends his marine friends were pouring warm water on him until he finally came to and realized that
00:17:02.460 he was lying in his own blood. He died several times on the helicopter from where he was
00:17:09.600 to the medical center that he was treated and he lived and he survived. That's a man who's in the
00:17:16.140 arena. How do you even remotely with an honest heart and at being a decent human being say that
00:17:27.560 guys a piece of trash, and people will. I'm sure he has. I'm sure people have mocked him. I know 0.99
00:17:33.000 they have. People closest to him tried to make him the villain when he was the hero.
00:17:41.680 And then you have guys who maybe not are going to jump on a grenade, but they've tried to build
00:17:45.880 a business that failed. Or they tried to love a woman as best they could, and she left.
00:17:52.600 Or who raised a son or daughter who's struggling, and maybe they have an alienated relationship
00:17:57.100 who buried a friend or a sister or a brother
00:18:00.920 that was way too young that shouldn't have died
00:18:03.340 in a just experience.
00:18:10.180 And that man is walking around bruised
00:18:12.800 because he was actually present for his life and others.
00:18:19.340 And I want you to stop treating like the bruises that you have,
00:18:22.700 that the proof of the life that you lived
00:18:27.760 is something that you did wrong.
00:18:29.300 Start treating it like proof that you showed up,
00:18:32.920 that you lived, that you did something worthwhile,
00:18:37.040 that you loved, that you cared about people,
00:18:39.600 that you fought for a cause that was important to you.
00:18:48.620 Number two, calluses,
00:18:52.700 on the heart, the protective nature of what we build around ourselves are the same way that
00:18:59.140 calluses on the hands are built. It's repeated contact with resistance. When I was in the gym
00:19:05.860 this morning, I'm doing pull-ups. I'm doing rows. I'm doing bench press. Yeah, I could feel it on
00:19:11.460 my hands. I'm doing like V-ups on the hanging bar. I could feel it. That's how calluses are built.
00:19:16.980 contact with resistance. You don't get calluses from one day of hard labor or from, you know,
00:19:24.160 rubbing one out. The calluses that you have on your hands come from doing it again and again
00:19:30.200 and again until the tissue on your hands or the tissue proverbially around your heart
00:19:35.600 toughens up to the point where it stops tearing and shedding and ripping apart.
00:19:40.480 and it's the identical thing with your heart.
00:19:45.440 That first betrayal or that first lost love,
00:19:49.500 that's not what wounds you.
00:19:51.840 It's not that.
00:19:53.260 I mean, it hurts, no doubt.
00:19:55.260 I remember the breakup with my first real girlfriend
00:19:59.140 when I was 17 years old.
00:20:02.280 It doesn't sting at all relative to the way it stung then.
00:20:06.100 but those things wound us and in some ways protect us but the man who keeps loving in spite of
00:20:19.100 the woman who dumped him or keeps leading in spite of the man who stopped following him
00:20:25.840 or keeps trying after he's been burned
00:20:32.180 and let down and disappointed
00:20:35.360 is doing the same thing that the men before us did.
00:20:41.560 You know, it's like swinging an ax for 30 years,
00:20:44.880 working in the mill for 60 years,
00:20:47.560 loving on that woman,
00:20:48.640 even when she was horrible to deal with for 60 years.
00:20:52.500 he's toughening the tissue through repeated and willing contact with the exact thing that hurt
00:20:58.840 him and that's the crazy thing in order to toughen yourself strong back calloused hands bruised heart
00:21:04.500 what you actually need to do is go back to the very thing that hurt you it's like jujitsu when
00:21:11.120 I went to jujitsu for the first time I walked in and this little kid who was he's probably wasn't
00:21:16.100 a kid I'll just say young man he's probably a buck 30 I had 60 plus pounds on him and the coach
00:21:21.340 said, try not to get choked out. I'm like, okay, try not to get choked out by this guy. And within
00:21:26.680 30 seconds, this guy had his legs wrapped around my arm and neck in a way that I couldn't breathe.
00:21:33.460 And instead of running away, I thought, what is this voodoo that I need to learn? It's not being
00:21:41.180 numb. Numbness is like refusing to do the thing that you know hurts again. But a callous,
00:21:52.820 you can still feel it, right? When I was doing rows this morning, I'm like, yeah,
00:21:56.120 it didn't hurt to the point where I'd stop, but I'm like, yeah, I can feel it on my callouses.
00:22:02.600 Callouses are just built to take the hit without breaking. And every time you go to the gym
00:22:07.900 and you don't want to, and every time you choose to love again, when your entire heart tells you
00:22:13.720 not to, or every time you take that risk to start a new business, even if every single one before
00:22:19.500 has failed, means that you are not weak. It means you're building the calluses that are required
00:22:26.480 for you to thrive. Number three, sovereignty. We talk a lot about sovereignty here. Guys,
00:22:33.220 sovereignty is just choosing to get back in the arena knowing that you're gonna get hit again
00:22:38.340 you know I watch UFC and I see somebody like Justin Gaethje for example or John Jones or DC
00:22:44.280 or Conor McGregor or Cowboy Cerrone I mean take take your pick I don't care 0.99
00:22:49.800 they they go into the arena knowing that they're gonna get punched in the freaking face like you 0.97
00:22:57.180 understand that right they know they're not going into the arena thinking oh maybe I can deflect 0.98
00:23:02.960 and avoid and dodge and parry every single punch or kick that comes my way. No, they go into the
00:23:10.400 octagon believing, hey, I'm going to get punched in the face and I got to figure out a way to
00:23:15.460 overcome it. Okay. You, you in life are going to get hit again. If you got, if you went through a 0.97
00:23:21.980 hardship, a breakup, let's say, and you're wondering, oh, I don't know if I'm ever going
00:23:26.240 to love women again. You will. But the question is, do you have the testicular fortitude to 0.99
00:23:32.680 actually try again? You know, maybe you went through a divorce as I have. And the question
00:23:41.700 is not, did you go through the divorce? The question is, well, twofold. What did you learn?
00:23:46.020 Number one. And number two, are you willing to get back in the arena even after you got
00:23:52.680 kicked in the balls? I don't know what the answer is for you. The question is not, did you start a 0.98
00:24:01.680 business and fail? The question is, what did you learn? And are you willing to act on your new idea?
00:24:07.380 Too many men aren't. And then they'll sit and they'll just like cast stones and they'll take
00:24:11.580 little pop shots and they'll say little stupid things and tell you you're the loser for getting 1.00
00:24:17.840 back into the arena when they're the loser, because those are the guys who sat on the sideline 1.00
00:24:23.580 after failure and decided that it was too much for them. And so they're going to be a spectator
00:24:29.580 for life. You were not born to be a spectator. So when guys come at me and I get a little heated
00:24:36.640 and you can hear it in my voice and they say, well, you're just a divorced dude. Yeah, true. 1.00
00:24:42.080 and also I'm not going to let you deter me from this mission.
00:24:50.540 When they come to me and say, well, what do you know?
00:24:52.760 You were an alcoholic.
00:24:54.180 True, I agree.
00:24:56.340 And also, what does that have to do with what I've learned
00:24:59.900 about how to be more disciplined and be a better man
00:25:02.900 and overcome the temptations that I am obligated to deal with?
00:25:09.500 You can call out truth.
00:25:10.980 I'll acknowledge that. But does that make me somebody who's weak? Does that make me somebody
00:25:16.620 who's incapable of leading? Does that make me a hypocrite? Not if I acknowledge it. 0.96
00:25:21.620 What it actually means is that if you're casting stones from the nosebleed section telling me that 1.00
00:25:28.160 because I struck out, that I don't deserve another at bat, you're the fucking loser, not me. 0.99
00:25:34.980 i'm as theodore roosevelt would say in the arena and this isn't about me this is about you 0.99
00:25:42.580 so every time you hear somebody say you can't start a business because you failed one you can't
00:25:48.400 love another woman because you went through a divorce you can't be sober because you used to 0.99
00:25:53.320 be drunk is weak and pathetic and cowardly and that's not you those are decisions that you made 1.00
00:26:03.160 I'm not dismissing that. 1.00
00:26:06.120 I made my decisions.
00:26:11.140 I've made a lot of good decisions in my life,
00:26:13.440 and I've made a lot of horrible ones,
00:26:15.100 and I'm not absolving myself of the horrible decisions I've made.
00:26:18.580 I'm learning from them.
00:26:20.020 I'm embracing them, and I'm choosing,
00:26:23.080 because of strong back, calloused hands, bruised hearts,
00:26:26.140 that I'm going to get back in the arena
00:26:27.880 while all the other naysayers
00:26:30.260 and all the other comfortable people
00:26:32.260 in their, you know, pearly robes sit up in the sidelines and tell me how bad or how bad you are.
00:26:39.620 Being broken isn't about the wound that you have. It's about whether you go back
00:26:43.640 into the arena or not. You know, men with significantly smaller wounds than yours,
00:26:49.260 who would never get back up. They'll get hit once and they're like, life's over.
00:26:54.080 Life's too hard. I can't deal with this. I'm out. Literally and figuratively.
00:26:58.600 and you know men
00:27:02.660 who almost lost everything
00:27:04.060 literally everything
00:27:06.140 their wife, their children, their business
00:27:08.660 their finances, their self-respect
00:27:10.680 potentially their lives
00:27:13.940 and then they decided
00:27:15.880 no, I'm going to get back up
00:27:18.020 I'm going to stand up
00:27:21.700 I'm going to get back in the arena
00:27:23.460 the variable is not the damage you receive it's all relative what hurts to me might not hurt to
00:27:33.100 somebody else what might hurt to somebody else doesn't hurt to me it's all relative but every
00:27:36.880 time i choose to get up and every time you do to build to love again to lead again to start a
00:27:43.140 business um to to to to marry to recover from that medical condition you have
00:27:50.580 after you've already paid the price for messing up once that is not being reckless or cowardly as
00:27:59.420 the people on social media would tell you that's actually command over your own life nobody can
00:28:05.920 take that away from you they'll chirp because if you do it then it's an indictment against them do
00:28:11.000 you realize that the reason that the guys who have been beat up in life the same way or maybe
00:28:16.160 even less or more than you have sit on the sidelines and they throw stones at you the
00:28:21.460 gladiator is because if you thrive then they have no other excuse to hide behind they only want to
00:28:30.960 hurt you they only want to tear you down that's not even personal people say that he's a hater
00:28:39.320 No, most people aren't haters.
00:28:42.600 They don't hate me.
00:28:44.340 What they actually do is they hate themselves.
00:28:47.760 When somebody comes on and pokes and prods
00:28:50.460 and throws rocks and makes digs,
00:28:53.300 they're not mad at me.
00:28:55.840 I'm a mirror for what they're actually mad about,
00:28:59.180 which is them.
00:29:02.840 So if they're not upset with me,
00:29:04.860 then the choice to re-engage is entirely mine.
00:29:07.060 and here's where it gets practical because I'm not interested in just
00:29:10.740 you know feeling something about this and then just moving on with our week but I want you to
00:29:16.960 think of one place in your life right now where your heart is bruised where you're just afraid
00:29:21.640 it's okay to be afraid it really is it's okay to be afraid it's not okay to live in it it's not
00:29:27.000 okay to move it to an action it's okay to be afraid though I'm afraid sometimes I wake up
00:29:34.120 afraid. Does that make me a coward? No. It actually makes me heroic. I mean, heroic's a
00:29:45.400 little pretentious, but I think you understand. It doesn't make me a coward to be afraid and do
00:29:50.520 something anyways. It makes me bold and strong and courageous. Courageous is probably the best
00:29:55.960 way to say it. Maybe some of you have quietly decided to stop showing up because of the
00:30:02.880 challenges that you faced. I get it. Look, I get it. You're going through divorce. Your wife said
00:30:07.800 she wanted a divorce. The bank called and said, you owe him $10,000 or the IRS, even worse.
00:30:16.240 Or one of your kids gets into trouble or you get diagnosed with a medical condition
00:30:21.640 or your business partner calls and says, we're, we're broke.
00:30:27.980 Yeah. Bad decisions lead to that. You made some of those bad decisions.
00:30:32.880 So yeah, maybe the business has failed.
00:30:34.580 Maybe a friendship fell apart.
00:30:37.500 But I want you to name it specifically.
00:30:39.520 What is it that's bruising you?
00:30:41.220 Not generally, not like, oh, life is hard.
00:30:43.680 Yeah, welcome to life.
00:30:45.180 But specifically, and then ask yourself
00:30:47.420 really honest questions, maybe just one in particular.
00:30:51.300 Are you not re-engaging in life
00:30:53.840 because you're protecting yourself?
00:30:55.700 Or are you just avoiding being back in the arena?
00:30:59.960 Because those aren't the same thing.
00:31:01.760 And we as men, we lie to, we're really good at lying. 1.00
00:31:06.740 Ask any woman, she'll tell you. 0.99
00:31:09.320 We are really good at lying to ourselves. 0.99
00:31:13.980 And that's the reality.
00:31:16.380 We do lie to ourselves.
00:31:20.380 Protecting yourself is wisdom, I'll give you that.
00:31:23.480 But avoiding the arena, avoiding it altogether, dressed up as wisdom, is actually cowardice.
00:31:31.760 And maybe we're just, you know, like painting over it, glossing over it, making it sound
00:31:36.660 better than it is. 0.99
00:31:37.600 But if you're just avoiding, you're being a coward. 0.97
00:31:39.980 You're not being wise.
00:31:41.500 Wise is learning the lesson and getting back in the arena and then doing something different.
00:31:46.280 If I start up ABC company and it fails and then I never get back in the arena, I'm not
00:31:51.620 wise. 0.86
00:31:52.180 I'm just a coward.
00:31:52.900 But if I build ABC company and it fails and I get back in the arena and I'm like, gee,
00:31:57.780 I wonder what I did wrong with A, B, and C.
00:31:59.740 and I learn D, E, and F and I build company X, Y, and Z and it thrives, that's wisdom. It's not
00:32:07.740 cowardice. So your assignment this week is small. It's very simple, but it's not easy.
00:32:19.980 Take one step back towards that thing. Maybe you went through a divorce and you're afraid of loving
00:32:25.300 again, but there's this really attractive woman who you've got your eye on. Just ask her out, bro.
00:32:31.680 Just ask her out. You know, maybe it's, maybe it's the business that failed and somebody else
00:32:37.660 is asking you about business advice. Give them some advice. Be honest. Tell them what you know,
00:32:43.460 what you don't know, what you learned, what gaps are there that somebody else might need to help
00:32:47.960 them with. Be honest. Sure. But reach out with a friend. You know, write, write the first page of
00:32:53.680 that business plan again be present with your wife in a specific way that maybe you stop being
00:32:58.460 present with after after she decided to hurt you in one way or the other but one step just taken
00:33:08.520 on purpose one step with complete knowledge that actually it might hurt again you might get kicked 0.99
00:33:14.660 in the dick again guys but that's the teaching strong backs calloused hands bruised hearts we 0.99
00:33:21.900 already know how to build but that bruised heart is what separates the men who are actually in the 0.99
00:33:28.760 arena and those just chirping at you from the sidelines safely comfortably sitting in their
00:33:35.020 white robes eating chips and salsa or popcorn or cracker jacks or whatever whatever it is people
00:33:41.840 eat in the in the cheap seats and just mocking you while they do nothing their arms are crossed 0.99
00:33:49.320 you're critiquing everyone else who's bleeding telling you you're a loser 0.98
00:33:54.260 Roosevelt wasn't talking to that group he had nothing to say to them as should you and me he 0.98
00:34:02.000 was talking to you it's the man with dust on his face he's already deciding I'm gonna go back in
00:34:08.360 I had a coach when I was playing football in high school and he said there's a difference
00:34:15.440 between being hurt and being injured. And I'll never forget that. You're always going to be
00:34:19.760 bruised and beat up and banged up. Your fingers are going to hurt. Your muscles are going to hurt.
00:34:23.140 They're going to be a little strain in this or that, or your neck's going to be kinked.
00:34:26.620 That's not an injury. That's just being a little hurt. There's a difference. And guys know the
00:34:34.200 difference and get back into the game. So that's it for today. That's your Friday field notes.
00:34:38.240 And if this is something that hits you,
00:34:41.880 I would encourage you to join us inside the Aaron Council.
00:34:46.140 We're doing what we call a war room.
00:34:48.480 So we're actually going through some of these concepts
00:34:50.480 on Wednesday, August 19th.
00:34:53.160 And I'd really, really encourage you to be there.
00:34:56.040 We're going to talk about some of these issues.
00:34:57.800 We're going to talk about the systems that you need
00:34:59.940 to build up resilience, to build up consistency,
00:35:03.500 and to build up results in your life.
00:35:06.040 So if you're interested in that, head to orderofman.com slash war room, orderofman.com slash war room, all one word, and you can get registered for August 19th at 8 p.m. Eastern.
00:35:20.600 Guys, just remember, don't listen to the guys chirping in the cheap seats.
00:35:28.520 Those guys want you to fit.
00:35:30.480 Actually, they don't even want you to fail.
00:35:31.880 They don't care about you.
00:35:32.760 So they don't care if you fail or lose.
00:35:33.980 What they want is they want an excuse for themselves to fail.
00:35:38.800 It's not personal.
00:35:39.820 When people say it's not personal, it isn't.
00:35:42.240 Now, they'll dress it up as personal because they know exactly what buttons to push.
00:35:47.100 And if anything, it's personal towards themselves, not towards you.
00:35:51.240 Remember that and get back in the fight.
00:35:53.020 Strong backs, calloused hands, bruised hearts.
00:35:56.140 Guys, we'll be back next week for our interview.
00:35:58.660 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:36:03.980 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:36:07.260 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:36:11.260 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.