Order of Man - Kill Comparison, Keep Calm Under Pressure, and Becoming Your Own Father ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 The complete sentence is never, it's the difference between what we have called

00:00:03.740 an excuse and a reason. An excuse is a period at the end of the sentence. Well,

00:00:08.200 we didn't hit the deadline because Kip didn't do his job. Like, what do you do with that? Fire Kip,

00:00:13.300 I guess. Instead, it should be, well, we didn't hit the deadline. We all know that. And it looks

00:00:19.900 like Kip didn't have the resources that he needed. Now look, the outcome's the same. We didn't hit

00:00:24.880 the deadline. One halts progress. The other exacerbates it. Kip, what's up, man? So great

00:00:33.860 to see you today. There is a bug on my screen right in the middle of my forehead. And I didn't

00:00:39.080 know if I had something on my head or, but I move around and that's a bug on my screen. So there we

00:00:45.420 go. Ryan's just trying to get you all to go to the YouTube channel and watch from there. So that way

00:00:50.720 you can see this bug yeah i'm good i'm good at this right well it's not on my face it's on my

00:00:56.180 screen so you may or may not see anything i don't know you'll have to go to the youtube channel

00:01:00.420 which just happens to be youtube.com slash order of men i'm just saying yeah and let us know leave

00:01:07.620 a comment let us know if the bug's there or not don't don't leave any sort of comments about you

00:01:13.040 know how our faces look because bug or not we already know they don't look great but uh if you

00:01:18.240 want to see if the bug's there you can go check it out yeah all right man well it was good to see

00:01:23.420 you last weekend uh or last week we spent some time together at the lake and had a great time and

00:01:29.260 i i took a video of you cutting down this big ass tree limb and i swear i swear i thought either the

00:01:37.480 ladder was or the tree limb was going to take out the ladder you were standing on or you would just

00:01:41.420 fell it right on a you know six-year-old child one of the two is definitely happening and to be fair

00:01:47.500 neither of it happened unfortunately but i was ready to record just in case

00:01:51.840 yeah i appreciate you sitting back and just waiting to blast it on youtube just in case i

00:01:57.520 got hurt seriously yeah i mean you remember when we were kids it was like you got to catch

00:02:02.060 everything on video because you might win ten thousand dollars with uh bob saget on america's

00:02:07.620 funniest home video that's right that's right i totally forgot about that yeah i love the weekends

00:02:13.400 for that show right there. And now the whole internet is basically that. So that's a big

00:02:18.280 Bob Saget show is all that it is. Yeah. That's funny. That's it, man. Yeah, that's it.

00:02:24.060 Quintessential dad right there. All right. Well, we got some good questions today. I want to get

00:02:29.660 into it, but, um, we've been doing this wholesome segment over the past four or five weeks now.

00:02:36.380 And I enlisted some help from somebody who you love dearly. I didn't know this, but over the

00:02:42.680 weekend, you celebrated your 18th wedding anniversary. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. 18

00:02:48.320 years. What day was that? Yeah. The 25th. So it was actually, I was just testing. I was Saturday.

00:02:54.180 Yeah. You already knew the unfortunate part. A lot of people don't know this in the weekend of

00:03:01.600 the 24th in the state of Utah is pioneer day. And although that worked out really well, uh,

00:03:08.280 to inviting people to a wedding, it does not work out very well for, you know, celebrating your

00:03:14.140 honeymoon. Cause usually we find ourselves at the lake with a group of people or at a family reunion,

00:03:19.660 you know, I remember doing fireworks a couple of years ago, uh, with you guys at the lake.

00:03:25.700 Well, anyways, um, so your wife kissed me again this weekend and her and I have been texting back

00:03:31.900 and forth since so i just want to throw that out there yeah and i just she told me that you guys

00:03:40.500 had your wet your 18th 18th year wedding anniversary which which i didn't know i would

00:03:44.200 have honored if i was there and knew that but um i i said i i really need some words from her about

00:03:53.220 you and i said i want you to just share some things about kip about how you feel about kip

00:04:00.980 with me. And then you want me to reply whether I think those are wholesome or not? Is that

00:04:06.160 what we're doing? No, they are, man. I went through these. No, they are. One's a little

00:04:12.340 questionable, but she gave me permission to read it on air. And you may not, but she did.

00:04:18.040 And that's all that matters. So are you ready for this? Yeah, sure. All right.

00:04:24.700 That doesn't sound very convincing, Kip. I'm not convinced. All right, here we go.

00:04:30.980 here we go. No, we'll ease into it. So number one, she wrote five separate things for me.

00:04:36.320 And I said, I'm sharing all of those. And she said, yeah, go share all those. She said this,

00:04:40.000 she said, Kip's love language is working harder than anyone else. So we, it's capitalized, we

00:04:47.460 can live a life he only dreamed about. That's number one. Number two, she said, the safest

00:04:54.700 place I could ever be is with my husband. I take pride in knowing he could kill any man in the 0.70

00:05:00.780 room with his bare hands let's not put that on the internet though like that that sounds i mean

00:05:07.540 i'm okay with her believing it uh i don't know if it's true but yeah it is what it is she said

00:05:14.560 this she said kip isn't trying to raise perfect children he's trying to raise them to be better

00:05:20.100 than himself yeah she said this i like this one if grit had a face it would look a lot like kip

00:05:28.800 i don't know if that's a compliment or an insult but i don't think so i think it's a little both

00:05:35.440 grit does not sound very handsome yeah it's you're not she didn't say he's he great looking

00:05:45.020 she said he's gritty looking he just looks gritty take that for what that's worth uh this is the one

00:05:51.320 that's funny to me i love this one she said kip's kip drives me crazy more than anyone i know

00:05:57.940 he's stubborn opinionated and yes for reasons i'll never understand he still thinks sticking 0.94

00:06:04.880 his finger in my butt crack is hilarious but if i ever had to choose my partner all over again 0.89

00:06:11.300 i'd choose him every single time and that's the secret strong marriages aren't built by two people 0.98

00:06:17.300 who never argue they're built by two people who never stop choosing each other and it is hilarious

00:06:25.780 it is hilarious of course it is why doesn't she understand that why don't girls understand that

00:06:30.300 we want to touch your private parts inappropriately like what's the problem here

00:06:35.380 oh that's that's wholesome man like if that isn't wholesome i don't know what is i love that 0.95

00:06:44.380 that's pretty cool i love your guys the relationship i love you i love her

00:06:49.220 and uh you guys inspire me and i just wanted to share that with you because

00:06:53.180 I think that kind of love is pretty special.

00:06:56.420 I appreciate it.

00:06:57.520 Thank you, man.

00:06:58.860 Yeah.

00:06:59.520 I had to keep cracking jokes so I don't cry over on the air.

00:07:03.380 No, it's really insightful and touching. 1.00

00:07:10.440 Basically, what I heard is that your face is ugly and you like to touch your butt crack. 1.00

00:07:14.200 That's basically what I heard. 0.99

00:07:15.720 And I love my kids.

00:07:17.640 I did hear that.

00:07:18.820 But not enough to be easy on them.

00:07:21.700 Yes, fair enough.

00:07:22.800 fair enough all right man i love you brother i'm i i thought that was cool she sent that to me and

00:07:27.840 i'm like yeah we need to talk about that people need to know the uh the man behind the mic so i

00:07:33.680 appreciate you yeah thank you thank you and i'm i'm still alive after cutting down that tree so

00:07:39.020 we're all we're solid i thought for sure i thought for sure you were going down i'm like i'm like

00:07:45.100 tapping into my my past cpr training and my military medical training and the the medical

00:07:54.220 stuff we've done it at uh our our previous events i'm like hey what am i gonna have to use right

00:07:59.300 he's probably gonna break the leg stop so i'm gonna i'm gonna take here i'm gonna elevate

00:08:02.960 and i don't think they do mouth to mouth anymore which was which is unfortunate i was that's good 0.92

00:08:08.360 to use that um so i'm like okay what do i do and i didn't have to use any of it damn it yeah

00:08:14.320 Well, what's funny is like people might assume that I was confident and then you were like questionable. 0.81

00:08:19.480 No, I was up on the ladder going, is that going to swing back and hit my ladder?

00:08:24.160 And then I hear the boat coming in.

00:08:25.820 I'm like, I sure hope a kid doesn't walk under here.

00:08:30.280 I told the kids, I'm like, guys, keep it wide.

00:08:33.400 As they came in, I'm like, go get lunch.

00:08:35.200 Just keep it wide.

00:08:36.040 And they're like, okay.

00:08:36.620 Half a tree is planning on falling right here.

00:08:41.100 Just don't stand by Kip.

00:08:42.720 Other than that, you'll be fine.

00:08:44.320 all right man let's get into some questions today yeah absolutely all right we'll hop right into it

00:08:51.280 cody ashworth ryan i run a small landscaping crew and i'm doing fine house you should have hired

00:08:59.980 cody yeah yeah absolutely in fact cody we just gave you some tips on marketing like don't die

00:09:07.760 hire us right just like exactly that's the selling proposition all right ryan i run a small

00:09:13.460 landscaping crew and i'm doing fine house wife two kids but i scroll past guys my age who seem

00:09:19.980 to have it all figured out and i feel like i'm failing by comparison how do you come how do you

00:09:26.200 kill the comparison game when it's baked into every platform that you're on i mean that's that's the

00:09:32.320 truth i love the way you said it it's it's literally baked into the equation because the

00:09:37.500 same people so i live two hours from vegas uh the same people who program and design and build and

00:09:44.280 engineer the slot machines are the same people who are building instagram and facebook and social

00:09:49.700 media and youtube and all these others so you can't for a second believe if you do you're an 0.97

00:09:54.160 idiot that they aren't designing these apps for you to stay on them as long as possible i mean 0.98

00:10:01.040 every time I share a outside link on Facebook, the engagement plummets because Facebook doesn't 0.99

00:10:07.460 want me to send their users to YouTube or Instagram. They want to keep them on their

00:10:12.060 platform. So it's good that you know that. Um, I'll tell you this. And I, and I know this 100%

00:10:19.800 to be true because I have conversations daily with men who I would otherwise think have it

00:10:24.860 figured out. And they don't, they don't, they don't have it figured out, man. I promise you.

00:10:31.500 Like if you see that guy and he's got the beautiful wife, uh, they probably haven't had sex in four 0.99

00:10:37.040 weeks because she's mad at him. Cause he's a jerk. He's got the brand new truck and he's really 1.00

00:10:41.740 excited about it. It looks awesome. And he looks awesome in it. But every time he sends off $1,100

00:10:47.420 as a truck payment, his gut drops a little bit. Um, when his, when his alarm goes off,

00:10:53.960 he's going to show you the 20% of the time that he gets up out of bed on time. And you know,

00:10:59.520 you might see his six pack abs, but he's spending $500 on testosterone and GLP ones or whatever

00:11:05.660 they're called. And he's not going to show you the other 80% of the time where he hits the snooze

00:11:11.540 or he woke wakes up hung over. So it's really easy to deceive people through this device. In fact,

00:11:19.920 it's built to be deceitful the apps are built to deceive you from reality even when you see what i

00:11:26.780 put out there look if again go to youtube check it out shameless youtube plug and you can see what 0.97

00:11:32.740 the new studio looks like bro if i pan this camera back 10 feet you'd be like what the fuck 0.54

00:11:37.600 that's a studio that's and i but i actually showed pictures on instagram the other day yeah that's my

00:11:44.700 studio and you know where it was before this in my bedroom it was in a corner in my bedroom I can

00:11:53.260 make it look good I can play the game the game has to be played I make it work I do what I can

00:11:58.640 but the reality is is that nobody has it figured out it's like going to the set of a tv show and

00:12:04.520 looking at the the the scene that they've set up and you're like oh this looks awesome then you go

00:12:09.240 on set and you're like oh it's just this little box and everything around it is trash yep that's

00:12:15.060 life that's everybody's situation kip you have fights with your wife you get impatient with your

00:12:20.680 kids the same way i get impatient with my kids i have quirks and problems and struggles and self

00:12:27.000 doubt and temptations just like any other man and the more that you realize that not no no one has

00:12:34.500 it figured out, then you can just give yourself a little bit of grace. And the only thing that I

00:12:40.360 think you need to compare yourself to is, did you do better than the guy that showed up yesterday

00:12:45.700 or last week or last month or last year? Is your weight down? You know, maybe you were 50 pounds

00:12:52.360 overweight and now you're 45 pounds overweight. Good. Compare yourself to that guy. Yeah. Did you

00:12:58.140 hit the snooze button 17 times last month cool can you do it 10 times this month did you put the

00:13:04.900 booze down did you tell your wife you loved her did you make more money than you did last month

00:13:08.820 did you pay off some debt that's the guy you should be comparing yourself to because that's

00:13:13.100 the only man that you really have 100 access to and you can you can fool yourself too don't get

00:13:21.720 me wrong but that's the only guy who you get to see all the scars and flaws and unflattering

00:13:28.580 aspects of his life nobody else is going to show that to you they're just going to show you the

00:13:32.220 best yeah a powerful way that this has been shared with me is don't compare your chapter two to

00:13:38.780 someone else's chapter 10 because some of you guys might be listening you're like well ryan

00:13:43.120 no no i know them well enough their life is great yeah but that came at a price and maybe that's

00:13:49.640 even further down the road. And that's 15, that's chapter 15. And you're sitting at chapter three,

00:13:55.200 right? And so be careful. We're not even, even, even if like you believe that their life is

00:14:01.740 buttoned up, that came after time and nuance and, and different variables. And the other element

00:14:08.420 too, which I find is fascinating is like, who's in control, right? Of our happiness when it's

00:14:14.060 dependent on even our circumstances. I mean, you know this, a lot of our circumstances are

00:14:19.660 outside of our control. You know, sometimes there's death of loved ones. You know, we get

00:14:25.220 laid off despite, you know, maybe being a hard worker. A lot of things might happen that dictate

00:14:30.480 our lives. And if we focus too much about our happiness and our self-worth being dependent on

00:14:38.500 outside things then we're giving that power over to other people and and we're not taking that

00:14:44.340 power for ourselves that's actually one of the things that we're talking about in the iron

00:14:49.460 council this month so for the next several days is this concept of controlling what you can control

00:14:55.540 the topic of the month is think like a warrior and there's an accompanying book that we read

00:15:01.820 together and one of the principles in that book is control what you can control which is really

00:15:07.380 two things, your effort and your attitude. And by the way, I actually don't, I'm one of those

00:15:13.840 people. And I think you are too, Kip, because we've talked about this. I actually don't think

00:15:17.980 comparison is automatically bad. I think it matters on what you do with it. So if I, you know,

00:15:25.380 I just pulled up all that stuff about you and your beautiful bride and, and I, that inspires me,

00:15:30.440 that motivates me. Like that makes me excited. And so, you know, I'm not married. I was married

00:15:36.960 for 18 years, but I'm not married now. And so, but I, but I'm not threatened by that. I look at it

00:15:41.660 and I'm inspired. I'm like, Oh, I want to actually create that kind of love with somebody. If

00:15:46.820 conversely, I didn't feel that way. And it demoralized me for whatever reason, right or

00:15:52.280 wrong. If it just made me feel that way, then I'm not going to allow that into my life. So you get

00:15:58.080 to decide, is this a person who motivates, inspires, and lifts me up directly or indirectly? Or is this

00:16:03.700 a person who pushes me down, demotivates me and makes me feel bad about myself directly or

00:16:08.840 indirectly. And then you just make your decisions from there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Preston Vail.

00:16:15.800 What's the difference between a man who's calm under pressure and a man who's just checked out

00:16:21.900 emotionally from the outside. They look the same. Is that, Oh, is that it? Okay. So from the outside,

00:16:30.460 they look the same yeah yeah not really not really i don't think they looked do you think

00:16:38.920 they look the same i don't think they look the same well i mean i think at first glance you might

00:16:45.760 assume that right it's like oh man he's he's not flustered by this circumstance but i think the

00:16:52.740 difference is are they doing something about it right a man that's checked out is just hiding

00:16:58.260 over in the corner and not addressing the thing. Calm under pressure is there's a situation and

00:17:04.860 they're being intentional with action. Yeah. And so maybe the fact that they're not reacting in

00:17:10.480 the moment, they might look the same. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's, let's take you as an example.

00:17:17.920 We're just, it's, we're going to spot, I'm going to say all the good things and all the bad things 1.00

00:17:21.940 about kip today so stay tuned no look let's let's take you for a second okay so we're at the lake 1.00

00:17:29.780 and and this is this is a recurring thing for you and it's not it's not bad i'm i'm not gonna blast

00:17:35.500 you right here it's a recurring thing i've seen it for you know four three or four years now at

00:17:39.300 the lake and i've known you for longer and you like to go outside and you like to work on things

00:17:46.440 i was sitting in the kitchen talking with the group and i saw you you know marching this way

00:17:51.640 and marching that way. And you had the saw out and then you're like cutting limbs and then you're

00:17:56.160 pulling weeds and mowing the grass. Like I remember, I actually remember watching you

00:18:01.160 sit on the lawn chair and I'm like, I wonder how long he can sit there and not get up. And it took

00:18:07.100 about seven minutes or so. And you were up doing something. Well, it's because I was laying down.

00:18:12.040 I looked at the tree and I'm like, I know that's a big dead branch. I know. I know. And full

00:18:18.140 disclosure, every man knows this. Once you get out of chainsaw, like you can't cut one thing.

00:18:23.720 You got to cut all things started getting cut. Yeah.

00:18:28.600 So you were outside working in the property and I didn't once for a second think you were

00:18:33.080 disengaged from the family. Somebody might look at that on the surface and say, well,

00:18:38.760 he doesn't want to hang out with his family. That's why he's doing all this work.

00:18:41.260 I don't think so. I think you were doing it because you love the family and because you

00:18:46.060 want it to be a good experience and you want them to have fun and you want them to be safe and

00:18:49.640 all the things that a man is a protector and a provider does. So it's not really the attitude.

00:18:55.300 It's to your point, it's what's behind it. What's the meaning and significance behind it?

00:19:01.120 You know, I think if you look at a man for any amount of time, you can tell if he's dead inside

00:19:05.380 or if he's got life to him. You know, I'll sit there and I'll, I remember, I remember when I

00:19:11.360 got hurt training jiu-jitsu and i'd never i actually never missed going to jiu-jitsu even

00:19:16.820 when i was hurt now i didn't train and roll but i would sit and i would watch or i would do box

00:19:22.480 jumps and lunges and sit-ups the things that i could do with my injury and as i sat there on the

00:19:29.580 mat you might say oh he looks disengaged what are you talking about like he's watching intently and

00:19:34.680 i remember coming back and started training again and i one of the guys that i trained with he's

00:19:38.900 like, dude, you're better than you were when you got hurt. How's that even, how's that even,

00:19:43.400 how's that even possible? I'm like, what do you think I've been doing for three months? I know

00:19:47.480 everything you're going to do. I know all of your moves. Now look, there's something between knowing

00:19:52.440 it and feeling it, but you can still catch me in those things, but I know engaged. Yeah. I know

00:19:57.620 what you're going to do. He's like, how do you know? Cause I watched you. I watched you do that

00:20:01.680 for three months. And that's the difference. It's not really just how you see a man from the

00:20:09.080 outside. It's, is, is his heart and soul in it. And I think if you look a little deeper into a

00:20:13.920 man's eyes, you can figure it out pretty quickly if he's still engaged or if he's done, if he's

00:20:19.500 tapped out. Totally. How much of this Ryan is like just where we are too. I mean, I had a dad

00:20:27.180 that was pretty quiet you know people would generate drama around him and he would just be

00:20:33.220 like whatever and i falsely judged him like i was like oh man he's he's checked out he's

00:20:43.800 emotional he doesn't care but but that was based from the immaturity of of a young man thinking

00:20:50.840 that well you you should you should argue with everybody and you should have an opinion about

00:20:55.080 everything. And, and later on in life, I realized, man, he didn't need to, he didn't like him being

00:21:03.960 engaged was I'm not engaging in that behavior and I'm okay with that. And I'm confident enough with

00:21:11.480 it. I can be calm in this thing and it doesn't cause a reaction from me, right? He was choosing

00:21:17.640 to respond a certain way. So, you know, I appreciate, I don't know your father. And so

00:21:22.940 what i'm going to say isn't a slight or a praise like i never met him um but i also think as men

00:21:31.800 we have an obligation to communicate effectively as well yeah i don't i i think it's very important

00:21:39.300 and again i'm not trying to chastise him at all i don't know him um i i think it's important to

00:21:46.420 communicate with our people what we're doing otherwise you run the risk of what happened

00:21:51.240 with you misinterpretation yeah yeah totally so so i think a more

00:21:56.780 elevated response let's say is maybe people are creating drama around him and it's very simply

00:22:06.900 him saying hey look this is not a conversation i want to be involved with or i don't want to

00:22:11.560 speak ill of that family down the street or this is not a conversation i'm comfortable with and so

00:22:17.540 I'm gonna excuse myself so because then then there's no connecting the dots there's there's

00:22:23.100 no you as a young impressionable boy trying to figure out well what's dad doing yeah you know

00:22:29.100 I remember my grandfather he was the most gentle man ever he was a great man and he loved to play

00:22:35.640 the piano and I would sit and play the piano he taught me to play chess we he had this beautiful

00:22:40.600 rose garden in the backyard and he loved his roses and I would go walk I remember that backyard

00:22:47.080 like it was yesterday i'd walk on the gravel it was like this white and gray gravel and we would

00:22:51.980 prune roses and smell like it was amazing and then we'd come in for lunch because he always

00:22:57.900 wanted to watch a soap opera i think it was like all my children or as the world turns or something

00:23:03.840 and i'm serious and we would stop everything we were doing and grandma would bring out the tv

00:23:11.200 trays and we'd both sit in the recliner and she'd give us a tuna sandwich or whatever we'd watch

00:23:16.440 all my children and then as soon as it was over we'd go back out in the rose garden we'd go for

00:23:21.560 a walk he would take me to mcdonald's in the morning um after we went on a walk he'd let me

00:23:26.200 wear his hats you know like just this just the most gentle man and you know how i knew when he

00:23:33.160 was mad is he would say this oh geez that's all if he said that i was like oh grandpa's mad

00:23:42.800 he's just this gentle soul but looking back on it i'm like man

00:23:49.580 what would it what would it be like if you were as gentle as you were but also had boundaries

00:23:56.360 you know what what would it be like is if you were as gentle as you were but also communicated

00:24:01.640 effectively he's a great man but that communication piece was missing and that's something that could

00:24:08.560 have been very very impressionable on his wife on his children on me as his grandson

00:24:14.180 it's something he didn't do and i don't think ill of him by any means but i think it would

00:24:20.220 have been elevated if he would have learned to communicate that more effectively totally

00:24:24.320 no i i feel that man i mean i i actually think that's a really good point you know because

00:24:30.300 how often do we make take action but we don't go out of our way maybe even to communicate in

00:24:36.900 circumstance but even grab your kid and just say hey now this is how you mentioned this right it's

00:24:42.600 like you'll have a circumstance or a situation that occurs i you know i think you know a story

00:24:47.400 that you share is going to the the archery shop right and it's like afterwards grab your son it's

00:24:51.900 like all right how did we handle that this is why we handle it this way this you know that's

00:24:56.160 over communicating you didn't have to you could have hopped into the truck and just drove home

00:24:59.940 but the value add was explaining it to your son so he could connect the dots and say okay got it

00:25:06.460 right i i now understand that circumstance better well and another example yeah that's that's one

00:25:13.460 but another example comes to mind just recently my youngest son he's 10 years old and he and i do

00:25:18.800 store orders together so when we sell hats or shirts or whatever he boxes them up and he packages

00:25:23.340 them and he uh signs a note that we had printed up and you know he does a pretty good job and

00:25:29.920 a couple of weeks ago we were he was boxing up a hat and the tape got stuck or something

00:25:35.080 he's like trying to tape up this box and it just looked like crap and he started to put the hat

00:25:41.760 and i'm like whoa hold on and he's like what i said what what are you doing he's like well the

00:25:48.260 tape got stuck i'm like yeah i can see that is that your best work he's like well i didn't know

00:25:54.500 what to do he said i think you do know what to do just don't think you want to do it and he's like

00:26:01.620 well, what do you mean? I'm like, well, what do you think you should do? He's like, probably throw

00:26:06.220 this away. And then what? And then fix the tape and do it right. Yeah, exactly. He's like, well,

00:26:12.380 I didn't want to waste tape or the box. I thought you'd be mad. I'm like, that's fair. That's a fair

00:26:17.220 thought. But why do we do this? He's like, I don't know. Cause people ordered it. I'm like, no,

00:26:22.900 that's not why we do this because people believe in us. And he's like, what? And I said, yeah,

00:26:29.720 people believe in us. When they order something, they expect to get it in a timely manner. When

00:26:35.260 they order something, they expect it to look nice. When they order something, they expect it to be

00:26:41.620 flawless because they pulled out their wallet and decided to take money out of their wallet and give

00:26:48.240 it to us because they believe in us. And it's our obligation, responsibility to exceed their

00:26:54.640 expectation. He's like, yeah. I said, so do it right. And if that means we wasted a box or wasted

00:27:00.420 some tape, I'm okay with that. I will never be mad about that. Now, if you do it all the time,

00:27:05.480 I'll be mad. You can't figure it out because we're just wasting resources needlessly, but I'm not

00:27:10.280 going to be mad if you mess something up and you fix it by doing it right. He's like, okay.

00:27:14.600 And he's been pretty solid the last couple of weeks because he knows. And what was funny,

00:27:18.080 this was really funny. One of his little buddies came over last week and he's like, hey dad,

00:27:24.280 um can we do some some orders i'm like well your friend's over like hang out with your friend we

00:27:29.420 can do orders later he's like no no we want to do them together because we want to earn some money

00:27:32.360 and go to the dollar store and spend a little money i'm like cool i'll i'll help you with that

00:27:38.480 so i took him and his his buddy out to the garage and we started working on store orders

00:27:42.940 and it was actually really funny to watch my son tell his friend why we do it right and what right

00:27:50.360 looks like and like yep yeah it's working i love that yeah i love that all right isaac broderick

00:27:57.440 my dad left when i was six and i haven't seen him since i've got a two-year-old son now and

00:28:03.820 i catch myself panicking that i don't actually know how to do this not because i'm lazy but

00:28:10.340 because nobody ever showed me where does a man start when he's building up the plane while flying

00:28:16.120 it well first of all even if you did have a dad who was engaged you'd still feel the same just so

00:28:23.100 you know yeah like you're not it's your your thought process is not uncommon whether dad

00:28:29.440 or was around or wasn't around so wrap your head around that one for a minute yeah we're all yeah

00:28:34.460 we're all figuring it out even if we had a dad around yeah your dad was around and did you feel

00:28:39.860 the way that Isaac felt when you started having kids absolutely yeah and by the way I felt that

00:28:44.340 way with different kids because all of a sudden you're like god kid number two doesn't show up

00:28:48.900 like kid number one did all the things that we did last time didn't work this time it's like

00:28:52.980 different human learn again yes so don't don't feel like you're behind the curve first of all

00:28:59.640 is what i want to say to you like you're not behind on anything um there's a couple places

00:29:05.100 i would start but the first is the mentality that this is a game now it's a game with very real

00:29:13.000 stakes yeah yeah it's not like chutes and ladders like it's it's a real game and depending on how

00:29:22.840 you show up and perform really spells the difference between how your kid eventually

00:29:27.240 will show up and perform or how your other kids will or how your wife views and perceives you

00:29:33.640 like this is a very real game with a lot of real stakes so i get that but i think if you look at

00:29:39.060 at it as a game, then you can understand that you don't quite know the rules yet.

00:29:45.940 And so it's your job to figure out what those rules are. So how do you do that? You find people

00:29:50.880 in your life who are doing a good job. I'm sure you've got friends who have kids and you feel

00:29:59.240 like they're good fathers. I'm sure there's people that you work with, or maybe even people in your,

00:30:03.060 in your family who it's, maybe it's a brother or a brother-in-law and you're like, man, he's good

00:30:07.740 at this. Talk with him. Say, hey, how did you handle that situation? Or what do you do when

00:30:13.380 one of your kids gets out of line? Watch, observe, be a student of the game. And you'll start to pick

00:30:20.540 up that stuff partly through osmosis and also partly through your own inquisitiveness. You're

00:30:26.140 just asking questions and then trying it and experimenting with it. The other thing I would

00:30:31.340 say. So that's mindset number one is learn the game. Mindset number two is be the kind of father

00:30:39.540 that you wish you would have had. So when you think about when you were a young kid, let's say

00:30:45.260 you were seven or eight years old and maybe you're just getting started with, with t-ball or coach

00:30:51.340 pitch baseball. And you think to yourself, man, I really wish my dad was around. I really wish he

00:30:58.100 would have been my coach. Cool. Be your kid's coach then. Or let's say you're sitting there

00:31:05.440 and you're thinking to yourself, man, I really wish my dad would have read me books when I fell

00:31:08.980 asleep. Cool. Read books to your kid. Or maybe your dad was around. This is for people other

00:31:15.680 than Isaac. And let's say he was drunk a lot or maybe verbally abusive. And let's say you did

00:31:26.420 something stupid as a kid and he just came down on you way too hard he yelled at you he made you 1.00

00:31:31.380 sound foolish maybe he embarrassed you in front of other people remember that remember that when 1.00

00:31:36.980 you need to administer discipline with your child and instead of doing it publicly in front of 0.95

00:31:41.740 everybody and shaming him and making him feel embarrassed or or striking him maybe even

00:31:47.300 potentially you pull him aside you're like hey bud let's let's go and you pull him aside and

00:31:53.760 you have a good, you did that this weekend. One of your kids was getting a little, a little out

00:31:58.480 of line and we all giggled and laughed after you left. I'm sure you knew that. And we're trying not

00:32:02.000 to in the moment, but you did that. You didn't embarrass him. He needed to be disciplined. I

00:32:06.640 agreed with, with the way you were feeling, but you didn't do that in front of us. You didn't make

00:32:12.140 him feel stupid or silly or embarrassed. You did it the way that I would expect I would want to do 0.99

00:32:18.740 it. And so you have this really, Isaac has this really interesting opportunity where the slate is

00:32:27.020 clean. You have no bad habits from your father because he wasn't around, which means that you

00:32:36.280 get to decide what a father looks like. And it's all a blank slate. What an amazing blessing if

00:32:42.640 you choose to look at it that way. Yeah, that's such a great attitude. Yeah, because you assume

00:32:47.060 what you're missing, but it's like, yeah, you also didn't inherit all the garbage that your dad 0.99

00:32:53.660 created for you either. I love it. You know, Isaac, I'll project on you something that I fail 0.98

00:33:00.140 to where I struggle. And it's, I struggle to show up powerfully as a father when I think my

00:33:07.380 circumstances justify something different that I know what I should do. If that makes sense.

00:33:14.040 give me give me an example of that kip like what would that look like in practice i love your

00:33:19.920 exercise i actually in fact i'm walking i'm walking away from the call with that as the

00:33:25.120 exercise of what are the things that i wish my dad would have done and write them down and make sure

00:33:33.020 and do an inventory make sure i'm doing them but i'll tell you right now i'm not doing those things

00:33:38.100 because I think my circumstance justifies the inaction.

00:33:42.300 Oh, yeah, but, and there's no buts to this, right?

00:33:47.320 Like there's no explanation.

00:33:50.400 There really isn't.

00:33:51.660 And that's where we go wrong, right?

00:33:53.680 Is we'll learn lessons from our fathers.

00:33:56.140 We'll look at other circumstances.

00:33:58.320 And then we think our circumstance is unique enough

00:34:01.240 that it justifies the inaction

00:34:03.620 or it justifies us not doing what we ought to do.

00:34:06.500 And I think that's the Achilles heel for me that I have to go, nope, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that it's a stressful time. I still have to play baseball. I still have to throw the pitch. I still have to watch my attitude or my temper. And it's not justified just because today or this season's a hard season.

00:34:26.680 so there's i i've never done this before but i but i know this principle it's it's a it's a

00:34:36.120 principle and improv and i'm a professional communicator so i i study communication it's

00:34:41.080 important to me and there there's a show you've probably seen it whose line is it anyway have you

00:34:47.000 seen that show oh it's hilarious you got to watch it i don't even know if it's still on but go watch

00:34:53.040 it it's hilarious i think that's what it's called i'll look it up here in a second but anyways the

00:34:57.120 principle in improv is that whenever you're engaged with somebody in this exercise you're you're not

00:35:05.980 allowed to say but and counter whatever they say to you even regardless of how outrageous it might

00:35:12.540 be your sound you're not allowed to say but the principle is yes and so it's if somebody says

00:35:22.680 something outrageous and you're doing improv with them it's oh yeah i remember that and also

00:35:27.040 and that's a little bit about how you pivot it but it's always yes and never but or no

00:35:31.340 because that shuts down the dialogue well it's the same thing in your life even if you're having

00:35:37.520 a conversation with yourself yeah i want to be a good dad but my dad wasn't around period okay

00:35:46.540 well what do you do with that yeah you know there's nothing it shuts down the conversation

00:35:50.380 It's like you just put a period at the end of the sentence and the chapter is closed.

00:35:55.380 Instead, it's yes and.

00:35:57.160 So I really want to be a good father and my father wasn't around.

00:36:02.080 So I need to figure this out for myself.

00:36:06.320 That's the attitude that, and we've talked about it in this context before too, Kip,

00:36:10.300 is that's the complete sentence.

00:36:12.200 The complete sentence is never, it's the difference between what we have called an excuse and a reason.

00:36:18.120 an excuse is a period at the end of the sentence well we didn't hit the deadline because kip didn't

00:36:23.060 do his job like what do you do with that fire kip i guess instead it should be well we didn't hit

00:36:31.960 the deadline we all know that and it looks like kip didn't have the resources that he needed now

00:36:40.040 look the outcome's the same we didn't hit the deadline one halts progress the other exacerbates

00:36:46.780 it so it's like kip you didn't hit the deadline maybe we failed to get you the resources and

00:36:52.780 tools you needed yes or no yeah i actually needed x y and z cool let's get those to you right now

00:36:58.320 yeah so there's reasons and there's excuses yeah right and not do it again yeah but there's reasons

00:37:04.560 and there's excuses and right now when you start saying things like well but my dad wasn't around

00:37:08.580 that's an excuse so what i know plenty of great amazing inspirational fathers whose dads weren't

00:37:16.160 around. So what's the difference? I think we know. Yeah. And, and props to you, um, Isaac for like

00:37:25.060 prioritizing this. I always thought parenting is so funny, right? Because we make this assumption

00:37:30.840 that we should be able to do it well, just because we had a kid and it's like, actually we should

00:37:36.700 have probably been studying and, and, and learning as, as part of the preparation. And so the fact

00:37:43.120 that you're questioning and you're not operating in this default mode of like, well, that's just

00:37:47.640 the way it is. And that you're like, well, is this the best way? And what should I do? And,

00:37:51.380 you know, and taking action to improve. That's, that's huge. Cause not a lot of people do that.

00:37:57.120 Yeah. I agree. I think the last thing I would say is just have fun with it. You know? Yeah.

00:38:01.140 There's real stakes of course, but lighten up, have some fun. Try not to lose your patience,

00:38:06.940 you know, try not to lose your cool. Like even when we were sitting at the dinner table and,

00:38:12.560 and your son was getting, you know, mouth and mouthy. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know, I'm sitting

00:38:19.180 there trying not to laugh and you pulled him aside and all of us laughed and I'm sure you

00:38:22.900 were kind of chuckling inside too, even though you had to administer discipline. Like it's fun.

00:38:27.380 Totally. It's fun. Yeah. All right. Marcus, uh, Delfino, my business partner of nine years

00:38:34.820 lied to me about company finances and I found out by accident. We've since split the company

00:38:41.080 and legally i'm fine but i trusted this man like a brother how do you keep leading with an open

00:38:47.340 hand after something like that without turning bitter and paranoid with the next guy who earns

00:38:53.400 your trust um let's let's take a let's take a jujitsu example so let's say i'm training with

00:39:05.740 you and you do this like really weird kimura inverted thing where you take my back to me you

00:39:12.300 do that to me i still haven't quite figured it out you said weird and i went yeah that's probably

00:39:18.420 he's probably speaking through uh truth here that's some awkward weird position totally weird

00:39:24.680 very unorthodox and i still haven't figured it out but i don't stop rolling with you

00:39:30.880 I'm I can maybe guard it a little better than I did in the past not fully but a little better

00:39:38.260 than I could when you first did it to me yeah because we learn right humans are amazing we

00:39:43.820 learn we we adapt we evolve but I don't stop playing the game because I like the game I want

00:39:50.420 to get better at the game and business is a game I like the game I want to make money I want to

00:39:56.320 serve more clients. I want to offer new products and services. I want people to have solutions to

00:40:02.580 whatever problems they might be dealing with. I'm not not playing the game. I just need to learn how

00:40:07.680 to play it better. And so I would ask you a question back to answer your question. What

00:40:12.140 lessons did you learn? Sit on that for a minute. Maybe you didn't vet this guy as well as you

00:40:18.380 should have. Maybe the reason you brought him in is because you liked him as a person, but he lacked

00:40:23.240 the skill set that he needed to be a good business partner. I don't know. Could that have been?

00:40:27.720 Maybe you did see warning signs, but you overlooked them because you didn't want to

00:40:31.960 create conflict. Again, I don't know, possibly. And so would you bring up those issues sooner

00:40:38.840 next time? I would hope so. You know, maybe you were so close to him because he's a friend of

00:40:49.120 yours that you knew the baggage that was going on. Maybe he was struggling to make his mortgage

00:40:55.360 payment. And so you were willing to sacrifice on his behalf because you knew what was going on

00:41:00.240 with his wife and him. Is that his fault or is that your fault? It's like Aesop's fable of the

00:41:06.500 young boy who carries the snake across the river and the snake bites him. And the snake says,

00:41:11.840 you knew what I was when I picked you up. I was convincing and you decided to pick me up. You

00:41:15.780 knew what I was. Whose fault is that? A snake is a snake. And you're the sucker. Maybe you were,

00:41:24.260 I don't know. But I would really spend some time thinking about what lessons I learned and I would

00:41:29.420 write them down because the business partner thing is not the problem. The problem is potentially

00:41:36.680 that it was the actual business partner and or your own behavior towards that business partner.

00:41:43.220 and what do you need to learn about that situation so you can keep yourself in the game

00:41:47.680 but a little bit more aware a little bit smarter a little bit more wiser than last time yeah I love

00:41:55.980 it man he said how do you keep leading with an open hand after something like that without

00:42:01.860 turning bitter and paranoid and I can't help but read that sentence and it's like

00:42:06.980 by not realizing that this is like this personal attack

00:42:11.300 that, well, like this blanketed judgment.

00:42:13.760 See, you can't trust people.

00:42:15.700 Everyone will screw you over.

00:42:17.680 And there's over-dramatization of a situation,

00:42:21.500 which might become a narrative for you

00:42:23.620 if you're not careful, right?

00:42:26.260 Don't let this become the narrative

00:42:28.180 that you can't trust people.

00:42:30.820 The truth is, Marcus,

00:42:32.540 your business partner became untrustworthy, period.

00:42:36.980 Why? Learn some lessons, grow, move on. The next person, guess who the next person is? Not the

00:42:42.480 same guy. But did you learn? And do you pivot? And do you adjust? And by the way, we could take

00:42:47.800 this principle and apply it to cheating spouses or other people that have done you wrong throughout

00:42:55.980 your life. If you over-dramatize it and you add this statement of this always happens to me,

00:43:04.240 or you can't trust X group,

00:43:07.240 man, you're gonna be hurting yourself

00:43:09.400 moving forward into the future.

00:43:11.060 So be very careful.

00:43:12.480 See this for what it is.

00:43:14.340 Watch the story that you're creating

00:43:16.040 about the circumstance.

00:43:17.460 And then to Ryan's point, learn from it.

00:43:22.200 Yeah, I mean, that's,

00:43:24.280 I was gonna share something personal.

00:43:25.620 I might just save that for another day.

00:43:27.280 But there's a phrase that you often hear,

00:43:31.460 which is if you want it done right,

00:43:32.920 you have to do it yourself.

00:43:34.240 that's what that's that's a defense mechanism yeah that's exactly what you're saying yeah but

00:43:41.120 that's not true if you want it done right you have to find the right person to do it totally

00:43:46.200 and it could be you yeah it could be you or it could be somebody else but just because somebody

00:43:52.020 else failed didn't mean that you're the only one in the on the planet out of eight billion people

00:43:58.340 that can do that to the degree that you can.

00:44:01.120 We're all replaceable, including yourself.

00:44:04.600 So yeah, that person wasn't the right person to do it.

00:44:08.480 Correct.

00:44:09.860 But there is a right person to do it.

00:44:11.720 And there actually is somebody

00:44:12.880 who can do it better than you.

00:44:14.940 There's always somebody who's bigger, badder, smarter,

00:44:17.700 more successful, more intelligent,

00:44:19.260 higher IQ, fill in the blank, always.

00:44:22.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:23.720 halis rena i took my 13 year old daughter on her first backcountry elk hunt this fall

00:44:31.300 and something shifted in both of us out there do you think the wilderness teaches lessons a

00:44:36.880 classroom or living room never could or am i just romanticizing it oh you can do both yeah there's

00:44:45.440 it is romantic yeah and there's value in romanticizing things i don't necessarily think

00:44:50.860 that's a bad thing yeah i don't either it's funny because you often hear people make the claim that

00:44:56.260 women are more romantic than men i don't believe that now maybe from like an intimate perspective

00:45:02.480 sure but how many guys do you know kip who dream about their first child and watching like even me

00:45:12.620 i'm i'm i'm dreaming as we speak of my son my oldest son playing his first look like stepping

00:45:19.360 on to the college field and playing his first lacrosse game like i can see it i can see me

00:45:25.360 getting emotional i can see i just don't share it so proud yeah that's romantic you know or how

00:45:32.880 many times do you do you romanticize even this the idea of you sleeping in the middle of the night

00:45:38.560 and you hear somebody break the glass or break through the door and you grab your gun and he's

00:45:45.480 in there and you shoot him right in the chest and he dies and he's bleeding on your floor and

00:45:49.900 you're like yep i protected my family that's romantic that's a romanticized version of reality

00:45:55.840 we all do that and i think it's awesome we should be doing that but yes to to your point uh yeah

00:46:04.080 there's things that you can learn in the wilderness that you just won't learn in a classroom and part

00:46:08.960 of one one virtue that i've really latched on to recently is this idea of adaptability i i think if

00:46:20.300 there's one virtue that men could really stand to improve in society modern times specifically

00:46:25.960 it's the ability to just figure shit out you know like i was on facebook last night and there was 0.82

00:46:33.400 this guy and he said somebody raised raised the I can't remember the the tongue of his trailer 0.87

00:46:40.600 and then broke the the the handle off so he couldn't lift it or raise it and he's like I

00:46:47.200 had to have somebody come I had to wait here and have somebody come lift the trailer off and put

00:46:52.880 a new jack on it I'm like what like couldn't you have just taken the jack out of your truck

00:47:00.820 and put it under the tongue of the trailer

00:47:03.120 and lifted it off your hitch

00:47:04.760 and left it there

00:47:05.520 and gone and got whatever tools

00:47:07.840 you needed yourself?

00:47:11.620 You couldn't have done that?

00:47:13.760 Yeah.

00:47:14.620 Or couldn't you have lifted it up

00:47:17.220 just a little bit

00:47:18.220 to relieve some tension

00:47:19.540 with the jack already in your truck

00:47:22.200 and then put a screwdriver in

00:47:24.620 where the handle was

00:47:25.880 and cranked it?

00:47:27.200 So you just sat there

00:47:29.500 and you waited?

00:47:30.820 For somebody to come rescue you, it was so hard for me to wrap my head around.

00:47:36.200 But that's how helpless people are.

00:47:39.080 We are so helpless in modern times.

00:47:41.740 And I think being out in nature really creates a lot of unknown, unforeseen, unpredictable realities that you have to confront.

00:47:52.100 you know what happens if you shoot an elk let's say you shoot a nice mature bull

00:47:56.400 and it's you and your daughter and you're 10 miles from camp and you forgot your game bags

00:48:03.020 what do you do you gotta figure it out yep right or what if you're walking back and she rolls her

00:48:11.700 ankle now you lose a third of the hauling power that you had and you got to carry her back what

00:48:20.000 do you do? Well, nobody's coming to get you. This is not a classroom. Maybe you have to put a

00:48:28.200 splint on her leg and maybe you have to sacrifice the meat that you got and throw her over your 0.80

00:48:32.680 shoulder. Or maybe you hang the meat in a tree and you throw her over your shoulder, fire them 0.99

00:48:37.560 and carry her home, get her back to camp, get her all settled in, taken care of and go back out and

00:48:41.860 go get your meat. You have to figure it out. There's no other option. And I like that about

00:48:49.340 nature. I love that about nature. It's, it is, it does not discriminate. Yeah. I think it's

00:48:57.420 humbling. Like you just realized that like it could decide to thunderstorm and there's nothing

00:49:05.340 you can do about it. It's just like, what do you have to deal with it? You can't control the

00:49:10.300 environment. You can't dictate outcome and you just have to adjust and you realize how small

00:49:16.620 you are in it, in it all. That's what it does for me. Yeah. And it really sends, and I think that

00:49:22.700 humility gives me gratitude. You know, it's like just silly things. I mean, we were just camping

00:49:27.840 this past weekend and it's just like a silly, I thought about it last night, laid on my bed and I

00:49:31.980 thought, man, this is really nice to lay on my side because that rock and that tent did not feel

00:49:39.100 good on my side for two days straight. You know what I mean? Like, you know, and it's just simple

00:49:45.360 things that you all of a sudden appreciate even ac you know it's like it was wicked hot you know

00:49:50.120 it was 100 degrees and it's like what's the best thing you could do shade and that's it that's the

00:49:57.420 best you could do maybe find a hydrate somewhere yeah yeah yeah it's it's a beautiful thing i love

00:50:04.060 it i love it i love it cool all right deacon whitfield i lead a man's bible study every week

00:50:10.600 and I haven't told a single one of them

00:50:13.000 that I've been wrestling with real doubt

00:50:15.620 about my faith for the past year.

00:50:18.320 Is it hypocritical to keep leading

00:50:20.640 while I'm not sure what I believe?

00:50:23.080 Or is that exactly what leadership sometimes looks like?

00:50:27.740 That's a good question.

00:50:29.180 It's a good question.

00:50:30.500 It's actually hypocritical to do what you're doing right now.

00:50:34.400 Without saying something. 0.96

00:50:36.380 That's hypocritical. 0.99

00:50:37.800 You're engaged in being hypocritical right now. 0.96

00:50:40.600 It is not hypocritical to say, hey guys, like I'm actually struggling with my faith and I'm 0.80

00:50:46.420 turning to these scriptures and this book and these answers and these people. And I would like

00:50:51.540 some insight from you. That's not, that's not hypocritical, but yeah, it's, it's definitely

00:50:56.480 hypocritical to just keep teaching without being honest about how you feel. Yeah. And, and look,

00:51:03.960 I, and I say that because when I was in the throes of my alcohol abuse and, um, struggling

00:51:10.160 with my marriage, I was being hypocritical, not because I didn't believe what I was saying was

00:51:15.620 true. I believed it was true, but I wasn't acting it out. But I, I, I connected the dots when I

00:51:23.420 just started being honest about it and said, Hey, look, I struggle with this and here's what's

00:51:28.520 helped me. And I'm going through a divorce and here's what's been working in navigating that

00:51:34.720 divorce and yeah it's it's hard you know it's humbling yeah it's it's potentially threatening

00:51:41.580 to you and your livelihood or or in your case deacon's case the the position that he's in of

00:51:47.820 authority with with the guys yeah it threatens that for sure but i'd rather that be threatened

00:51:53.800 and be honest and by the way when you say it the 10 or 20 or 100 guys that you're working with

00:51:59.660 they're all going to be like yeah me too i do too thank you god and finally yes and we'll be

00:52:06.080 grateful that you said something yeah yeah they're like finally like i have a teacher or a guy who

00:52:12.500 i appreciate and respect and he's being honest with me because this goes back to the first

00:52:18.060 question that uh i think it was cody was asked about like everybody seems to have it figured out

00:52:22.320 nobody has it figured out everybody's lying to each other and so don't be a liar deacon

00:52:29.760 it's okay that you're struggling with your faith tell your guys but isn't that the point of studying

00:52:35.600 so you can shore up your faith like this is not out of the realm of possibility this is the exact

00:52:41.640 reason you're actually studying the bible so that you can build your testimony so start being honest

00:52:48.620 with your guys and let them be honest with you they're all struggling too and it helps this is

00:52:54.980 how you serve right is by letting this kind of stuff go i mean i i don't i can't share a name

00:53:01.860 i don't want to share a name because i i didn't ask him if i would share and i you know what i

00:53:05.520 mean i want to be respectful um yeah but you know on friday you and i we run all hands uh all hands

00:53:13.000 calls on Fridays for all the men in the iron council. And, um, my Friday afternoon call was

00:53:19.600 while driving up to Idaho. And so I asked, uh, a few men if they would be able to facilitate that

00:53:27.600 call. And one guy that I asked, he said, no, I, you know, I'm busy. I'll have some work going on,

00:53:33.860 you know, kind of gave some reasons. And then he reached out to me on Sunday and said, Hey,

00:53:39.900 I need to talk with you. And we spoke this morning and he said, Hey, you know what? I could

00:53:45.500 have done it. And, and I gave you some excuses instead of stepping up because of, you know,

00:53:55.480 me being fearful, facilitating the call. I don't, I think so highly of the guys in the iron council.

00:54:00.340 I don't feel like I'm ready to do that. You know what I mean? And so I made an excuse

00:54:05.660 and i just wanted to clear that up he didn't need society would have been completely okay

00:54:14.280 with him never having that call with me in fact even some guys told him like dude no no no don't

00:54:20.240 worry about that but this guy decided to live at higher standard and went no no i need to clean

00:54:28.260 that up and here's the greatest thing do i think more highly of him this morning that i did before

00:54:34.060 absolutely i'm like dude you are a stud like i love that that he was authentic he was real and

00:54:43.040 he had admitted like man and he and he felt it critical that he clean it up not for my benefit

00:54:49.900 because i would have never known for his benefit for his conscious for his alignment for his

00:54:55.780 integrity and it was just so powerful and and just like that you know this this example from

00:55:02.260 deacons like man trust me you you communicate that to your men um in your bible group they will

00:55:08.580 respect you and what's great is you don't need to be the know-it-all there's power in you going to

00:55:15.120 bible why do you have bible study probably you should be at bible study why if you're wrestling

00:55:20.660 with your faith that's a good place to be that's the place you should be yeah so like embrace that

00:55:27.220 embrace that and go, hey, guys, this is what we do when we're struggling. We show up. We don't

00:55:34.320 just stop showing up because we don't look good enough or we're not complete. We come here because

00:55:39.160 we're incomplete, because we're figuring it out, because we're growing. And that's what growth

00:55:44.620 looks like. Well, and also I would say just because you're struggling with your faith doesn't mean

00:55:50.440 you don't know the bible yeah right like you can know every story every character every scenario

00:55:57.760 every vibe every feeling and still be struggling with your faith does it make you less qualified

00:56:02.200 no because if you still know the stories what it actually does is if i'm with you kip let's say

00:56:08.200 we're doing this bible study and i'm reading you the story of david and goliath and we're all going

00:56:12.780 through it together and i'm like no i don't i don't know if i believe this like i don't i mean

00:56:17.460 here's here's the words here's the story here's what's written and here's what i think it means

00:56:22.920 or what i don't think it means i'm open to being wrong what do you guys think

00:56:26.760 that's a way like where you guys can actually begin to debate not as this factual thing but

00:56:35.000 like no let's actually debate is it is it did it really happen is it a parable is it like what is

00:56:41.580 the lesson we're supposed to learn what is this like having those discussions i think are way

00:56:46.960 better and i'm not telling you that you should play devil's advocate i'm telling you that you

00:56:51.980 should be humble enough to say hey i don't know if this is true like i'm curious what you guys

00:56:56.760 think about it i would also say there was something interesting about your scenario

00:57:00.840 that you shared with me uh on the on the friday call so this gentleman and i don't know who it

00:57:06.060 is but this gentleman i think for him to have the balls to make it right was was pretty awesome

00:57:11.940 but the thing that you left out of the story and the thing that i wish more men would understand

00:57:19.460 is you kip have created and cultivated an environment where somebody is comfortable

00:57:28.360 enough to come tell you that because if if he wasn't comfortable in telling you that because 0.97

00:57:36.740 you would have been a dick or lost your temper or made him feel shame he would have never done that 0.94

00:57:41.920 and i want i want people to hear that because as fathers and business owners and leaders in our 0.99

00:57:50.280 community i think and i'm not great at this but i think it's really important that we attempt to

00:57:56.420 create a culture where people can be honest with us even especially when it's uncomfortable because

00:58:03.140 that's the environment people need they need to feel that safety like yeah i can come to ryan

00:58:08.580 with this issue and he's not going to be a complete dick about it i mean i had i had somebody 0.89

00:58:12.160 reach out i was a dick to this person um the end of last week and he reached out and he sent me a 0.72

00:58:18.440 video and he kind of let me have it he laid into me i'm like yeah actually he's kind of right and 0.70

00:58:24.400 i told him that i messaged him back i'm like you know what a lot of that is warranted some of it

00:58:28.680 is not and i'll defend myself on that but a lot of what you said is warranted and here's what i

00:58:34.080 think we should do that's good that's a healthy thing because the alternative is i keep being a 0.83

00:58:41.760 dick and he keeps saying nothing yeah that's not built in animosity passive aggressive it's all 0.93

00:58:48.060 yucky right right yeah yeah um last question for me if that's okay ronnie costellan is it possible

00:58:58.160 to over provide for your family in a way that actually weakens them yeah of course of course

00:59:05.860 i mean you see it all the time you see spoiled kids all the time they get everything handed to

00:59:10.440 them they get you know all all the food all the cars all the toys all the technology no restraints

00:59:17.020 no borders no boundaries no discipline no sacrifice and they turn out to be sniveling whining little 1.00

00:59:22.820 bitches so yeah the answer is yes who can't figure out anything on their own and so so the key here 0.99

00:59:31.220 i think is to what extent do we provide i think that's a good question or the definition of or 0.97

00:59:38.080 more accurate definition of providing what does that really mean yeah the way i look at it is

00:59:44.920 it's it's kind of a medical term when you're prescribing medication we just call it minimum

00:59:50.360 effective dose. Minimum effective dose. I don't withhold the medicine. It's the medicine that

00:59:57.020 keeps the person alive if they're dealing with something, some life-threatening illness. So I

01:00:02.560 don't withhold the medicine. I give them the proper amount of medicine so that their body can learn

01:00:08.940 to create its own antibodies and learn how to fight whatever is the bacteria or the virus that

01:00:14.780 they're dealing with themselves. So minimum effective dose to provide the treatment and

01:00:20.240 then let the body struggle with the rest so it can become capable. And so the same thing is true

01:00:26.880 with our children, for example. I'm going to put a roof over their head, of course, because if I

01:00:33.020 don't, they'll die. Like, where are they going to go? They'll die. I'm going to provide food so that

01:00:38.740 they're not starving. But my oldest son, as he's graduated now and going out on his own, I said,

01:00:44.500 hey bud if you want to live here while you're going to college that's a deal I made and I've

01:00:47.620 been talking about this for years if my kids are going to school and when I say going to school

01:00:53.800 I'm not talking about underwater basket weaving majors I'm talking about like no I'm gonna I'm

01:01:00.060 gonna go into the medical field or stem or whatever okay you're doing something productive

01:01:04.740 and if you're doing that then you can stay here and I told my oldest I said you can live here

01:01:10.940 full-time if you want with me. I said, but I want you to know that there's going to be rules. Like

01:01:15.160 you don't just get to come in whenever you want and leave whenever you want, not communicate

01:01:18.620 effectively, effectively with me. And I also want you to know, you're going to start paying rent.

01:01:22.540 He's like, what? I never had to pay rent before. I'm like, you haven't been 18 before.

01:01:29.000 And I said, you're going to pay rent and you're going to help with groceries. He's like, I am.

01:01:32.240 I never had to help with pay groceries. I know, but you're a man now. Now it's not going to be

01:01:37.220 exorbitant and I realize I'm trying to help you and giving you that minimum effective dose so you

01:01:42.120 can get your schooling and education and career lined out. But no, you're going to help and you

01:01:46.680 need to struggle and suffer a little bit so you can figure it out. I don't want my kids to deal

01:01:52.660 with that. I would love to have him here indefinitely. Selfishly, I would love that.

01:01:58.260 That's not going to serve him. Minimum effective dose is my answer. Yeah, I love it, man. I mean,

01:02:03.820 we did the same thing with our older kids. I think Ian, like if we let him, he'd still be

01:02:07.980 living in our house. Right. And Asia and I are like, dude, you got six months. Yeah. Once they

01:02:14.600 moved back from, cause they, him and Kyabe moved to Spain for a while to live and they came back

01:02:18.860 and crashed. And we started sensing like, is he planning on staying here? You know, so just so

01:02:27.060 you know, this is temper. You, you got a few months and you're out on your own. Why not for

01:02:31.920 our benefit, I'd love to have him here. Right. But it's, it's good for him. Right. It's good

01:02:38.300 for him. I, you know, and this, and maybe just to broaden the horizon, it's like provide, it's like,

01:02:44.000 man, as parents, this is where the book like coddling of the American mind. I just, I can't

01:02:50.360 help, but like, look at life and go, okay, how are we setting up our kids? And man, there's a lot of

01:02:57.100 parents not setting their kids up for success because they're just, I don't know what's the

01:03:04.800 term, just coddling them too much, not letting them deal with life and let them struggle and

01:03:09.940 learn and grow and progress. We're anti-fragile by design and we're robbing our children from

01:03:15.020 these opportunities of growth when we swoop in and save them too quickly. I think, and I'll leave

01:03:22.320 with this because I know you got to get going but I think when we engage in this type of behavior

01:03:27.640 as parents or you know a spouse or whatever I think I don't think it's selfless I don't think

01:03:37.680 we're doing it on behalf of other people when we over provide I think what we're doing is we're

01:03:45.240 sparing ourselves it's very selfish actually because I'm not okay with seeing my son be

01:03:50.540 uncomfortable. He can handle it. He's fine. He's an 18 year old kid. He's resilient. He's tough.

01:03:55.420 He wants to go out. He's fine. I don't like the way I feel about it. I don't like to see him

01:04:01.920 struggle. I don't want to feel like I'm a bad parent as less to do with him and more to do

01:04:07.680 with my own discomfort that I'm trying to hedge against. Totally. Totally. And we get validated.

01:04:14.360 See, I'm needed. I'm wanted. You know, I'm doing all this great stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I love it, man.

01:04:21.180 Well, call to action for you gentlemen listening. Connect with Mr. Mickler on X and Instagram at

01:04:27.740 Ryan Mickler. And as always, if you're on that fence, right, you want to surround yourself with

01:04:32.480 like-minded guys to be pushed, to be able to have kind of a lot of the conversations that Ryan and

01:04:37.200 i get to have um join us in the iron council to to learn more go to the iron council.com

01:04:43.560 and we'll have another preview call scheduled i believe august 12th august 12th wednesday august

01:04:50.420 12th at 8 p.m eastern you can go to the iron council.com slash preview i'm actually recording

01:04:55.880 a new preview introduction video today so that will be up and you guys can check it out cool

01:05:03.300 all right kip appreciate you man thanks for the call guys great uh great questions today keep

01:05:09.340 them rolling i love the questions that we have these days so just keep them coming we'll keep

01:05:13.640 answering them and let's keep getting after it we'll be back on friday until then go out there

01:05:18.340 take action and become the man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order of man

01:05:23.980 podcast you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be

01:05:28.740 we invite you to join the order at order of man.com

01:05:33.300 Thank you.

Order of Man - July 29, 2026

Kill Comparison, Keep Calm Under Pressure, and Becoming Your Own Father ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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