Order of Man - RICH COOPER ｜ Become a High-Value Man

00:00:00.080 Every relationship you're in is running a test that you might not even know that you're taking, guys.

00:00:06.540 And most men are failing this thing in very slow and monotonous motion.

00:00:13.200 Today's guest built his reputation calling out the exact moments that men hand over their frame without ever noticing.

00:00:21.820 It's the pedestal building, the concessions that pile up one at a time until there are a thousand of them.

00:00:28.260 it's the the i appreciate you type energy while she's quietly checking out and this is not theory

00:00:34.920 it's the pattern behind every man who woke up one day wondering how he ended up as her plan b 0.94

00:00:42.160 and his own home we're getting into what you know as shit tests and why they never stop 0.96

00:00:49.560 why contempt is the clock counting down on marriage and why the what he calls the go plan 0.93

00:00:56.820 is the same as the stay plan and it might be the most valuable freeing sentence that you're going

00:01:04.220 to hear all year relating to your relationship we'll cover a few of the seven spokes of a high

00:01:09.480 value man a few of the 21 red flags and 16 green flags worth knowing before you commit to a woman

00:01:16.080 and why proximity familiarity and exclusivity are what actually build attraction if you've ever

00:01:23.760 felt like you are auditioning for your own life then this episode might be your wake-up call

00:01:30.380 you're a man of action you live life to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:01:35.360 your own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more time every time you are not

00:01:41.220 easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is your life this is who you are

00:01:48.080 this is who you will become at the end of the day and after all is said and done you can call

00:01:53.720 yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. I am the host and the founder of

00:02:00.020 this movement, Ryan Michler. Glad you're tuning in. Glad you're checking in. I've got a really,

00:02:04.440 really powerful conversation lined up with Rich Cooper. Before I do that, I just want to mention

00:02:09.080 my friends. You've heard me talk a lot about them. It's my friends over at Montana Knife Company.

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00:02:32.040 company.com and use the code order of man at checkout because you'll save some money. And I

00:02:38.880 want you to save some money. All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest. His name's Rich

00:02:42.920 Cooper. He spent 16 years building one of Canada's most successful private debt, debt relief companies.

00:02:49.920 he was or that organization was named one of the country's fastest growing three years running

00:02:56.920 and one that earned him a title of entrepreneur of the year then his marriage fell apart you know

00:03:03.800 and he talks openly about this he lost nearly everything that he built and he started talking

00:03:09.080 into a camera in his car about what actually happened and that channel it was launched in

00:03:15.420 2014 so just a year before we started has since passed over a billion views and he's become one

00:03:22.760 of the most direct and probably the most argued about voices on the topics of men and masculinity

00:03:28.960 women and the truth nobody wants to stay out loud about modern relationships he's the best-selling

00:03:35.420 author of the unplugged alpha the no bullshit guide to winning with women and life and his

00:03:40.840 newest book the top shelf man how the top five percent of men build wealth live life on their

00:03:45.740 terms and keep high value women both of these books they they do a good job stripping away

00:03:53.300 the comforting lies men are sold about relationships and hypergamy and the selection phase and the

00:04:00.900 traits that actually keep a high value women with woman uh long term and it's all built from what

00:04:07.160 he's seen work in his own life and the countless amount of men that he's coached since

00:04:13.880 rich what's up man so good to see you it's been what years since we had our last conversation

00:04:20.500 it has how you doing right i'm good man i'm good you came out with a new book and

00:04:25.020 i follow you from the sidelines and i don't engage a whole lot i think you spend most of

00:04:29.760 your time over on x is that right yeah i like it a little bit more than the other platform a little

00:04:34.280 more free speech and you can say whatever is on your mind you don't think you can say that on

00:04:38.560 instagram or facebook or wherever else no i've i've found certain posts that i've done in the

00:04:44.520 past have gotten me warned like if you post this and it might offend some people so you might want

00:04:49.000 to change the language and i'm like okay mark zuckerberg whatever you say you know no i said

00:04:54.340 it that way because that's how i wanted to say it i'm pretty sure that's exactly what i wanted to say

00:05:00.400 yeah i've already lost one account on instagram so i figured it's not worth it doing it again

00:05:06.020 have you ever lost anything on x or not no no um i've had some warnings before when um it was owned

00:05:13.120 by the other guy before uh elon but uh what's his name jack dorsey dorsey i'd say yeah yeah

00:05:20.160 yeah it's wild man it's it's i guess we all find our platforms that we resonate most with i don't

00:05:26.300 spend a whole lot on twitter just because it just seems like a shit show man like but i guess all of 0.81

00:05:31.740 them do i could i could say jesus loves you and they're like well jesus is a jew or like what 0.93

00:05:37.840 they'll call you a zionist or something sure exactly yeah it's wild it's wild how do you feel

00:05:44.300 like you engage in the world of trying to draw attention if we're stripping everything else away

00:05:53.080 that's what we're trying to do right get attention to a thing that we think is going to help the

00:05:57.420 people we serve but also not get lost in it it's tough because people love a train wreck they

00:06:06.220 you know that's why they rubberneck on the highways right like even if off to the side

00:06:10.260 and the accident's totally cleared it's like both lanes will slow down to stop and look so

00:06:13.940 people love a train wreck um which is unfortunate because that you know it's a whole if it bleeds

00:06:18.800 lead sort of thing really is true um so you kind of have to infuse some i guess some lessons or

00:06:24.300 some usefulness behind it or around it or somewhere in that sandwich but um yeah that's

00:06:29.960 that's just what happens to work it is what it is i see a lot of what you post and i can't help

00:06:35.220 but think sometimes in all honesty i'm like wait a second like is this is this the real rich or is

00:06:40.460 this the hey let me rile people up a little bit what's your thought it's a bit of both yeah it's

00:06:46.200 I like to have in my Twitter bio, you know, follow me for wisdom and a bit of comedy.

00:06:52.960 And I think the comedy part really didn't like sit with some people that didn't get the comedy part.

00:06:57.200 So I was like, you know what, let's just take it out completely and let them figure it out on their own.

00:07:02.880 I like that.

00:07:03.720 It's like if you can't understand the nuance, if you if.

00:07:07.860 Well, I just had a good conversation with a friend of mine before I got on the phone with you. 0.97

00:07:11.120 and like i i was a dick on friday frankly i was a total dick to him i sent him a text because he 0.98

00:07:18.480 does some work for me and i sent him a text and i was an asshole about it in hindsight 0.99

00:07:22.480 and he sent me a message on saturday he's like dude and he was an asshole back to me but i 0.96

00:07:29.640 probably deserved it and then we got on the phone today and he's like look i don't bruise easy 0.99

00:07:34.120 i'm like god finally like somebody i can debate with i can be a jerk to he can be a jerk to me 0.96

00:07:41.280 and neither one of us are going to be offended but that doesn't seem like it's common these days 0.97

00:07:45.740 yeah it's pretty uncommon i mean there's that saying about real true friendships where 0.98

00:07:51.800 like your good friends will let you talk shit to their face and they'll defend you to your back 0.95

00:07:56.580 so i think it's i think it's like a game that men like to sort of test with one another 0.99

00:08:01.360 um you see it with you know women now a lot too it's like well you know chicks will be like well

00:08:06.120 don't you like a challenge like don't you like a gal that's gonna talk back or speak to you the

00:08:10.520 same way that your boys do sort of thing and it's like nope i don't i don't i don't and i'll tell

00:08:16.320 you why you tell me what you think so like respond to this i guess um i don't need you to create 0.98

00:08:23.280 shit to test me. And I don't want you to push on me the same way that you rich as my friend might 0.98

00:08:33.920 push on me from a woman. Now you can lean on me. You can, you can make sure I'm safe or that I'm

00:08:42.220 going to meet your needs. I think that's part of relationship reciprocity, right? You meet my needs.

00:08:48.640 i meet yours but i'm not interested in you being a dude testing me the same way one of my my

00:08:54.660 brothers would yeah well you know what it is man there's a lack of masculinity in the world and 0.92

00:09:00.560 with every vacuum that void fills with something and i think it forces women to be a lot tougher

00:09:05.100 than what they are kind of accustomed to being fair so that's why you have these you know this

00:09:09.960 new new avatar of the you know the boss girl you know my most recent book in the top shelf man i

00:09:15.160 call her becky there's a chapter on it that sort of breaks it down so um there's a lot more of

00:09:19.420 those gals out there today yeah i actually had a really good conversation because i made a post 0.81

00:09:25.380 you referenced it before we hit record and essentially i said you know i'm looking for

00:09:31.880 a woman who wants to i don't know bake i can't remember what i said but bake sourdough bread

00:09:35.980 sing in the shower decorate my home and homeschool my children not a woman who

00:09:40.560 wants to train jiu-jitsu shoot guns fight enemies and like whatever whatever i said

00:09:47.220 i posted it i posted it as a story because i knew if i made it a post it would just be like a 0.89

00:09:54.900 shit storm i stand by it i believe it but i'm like let me see how this goes over it went over

00:10:00.520 about exactly how i thought it would and i had this woman her name is is nicole and nicole and 0.74

00:10:08.460 i have known each other for 30 years we used to run around in the same circles right out of high

00:10:13.900 school and she messaged me and she said exactly what you said she said and she she's awesome

00:10:20.160 because she'll push on me and she said you know ryan like i appreciate what you're saying but

00:10:24.100 also women feel obligated to act like men because men aren't stepping up yeah that's true that

00:10:32.440 vacuum's got to fill with something and you know in the absence of masculinity the feminine will

00:10:37.680 to take over but turn it masculine why do you think men are are looking subconsciously

00:10:44.640 or maybe even consciously for mommy i don't think they're genuinely looking for mommy i think what

00:10:54.600 it is is that a lot of guys have been raised to be soft they've been told to become less so she

00:11:01.200 can become more to be a nice guy to tell her she's pretty and she smells nice all the time

00:11:05.960 and put her up on a pedestal and uh that doesn't work um you know 43 percent of households are 0.85

00:11:12.820 single mother households so there's you know the absence of masculinity there and then in the cases

00:11:18.940 where there is a father around a father that's able to raise the kids he's usually not a strong

00:11:25.120 leader he's more of a softer weaker guy that's more agreeable so um that's why you get this new

00:11:31.340 generation of sort of plugged in beta males that that sort of go along to get along and happy wife

00:11:35.740 happy life and you know um male feminists and all that sort of stuff it's just you know it's 0.70

00:11:40.500 just the trends that we're heading on do you think becky that's the term you use do you think becky 0.50

00:11:46.940 will ever relinquish her masculinity once she's found it not for the foreseeable future we need

00:11:54.500 we need a significant change in uh culture society and the structure of all that i don't know what

00:12:01.800 that's going to take maybe a you know a small meteor that wipes out 25 of the population

00:12:06.760 some kind of like extinction level event that really changes the a pole shift that you know

00:12:11.620 the earth tilts a certain something that that that forces okay but let's just say i know you're

00:12:16.620 joking kind of but let's just say that tongue-in-cheek yeah but there's some truth to every

00:12:20.380 joke too right yeah for sure but like what what would that change i mean it would wipe out just

00:12:25.800 as many women as it would men what would that change yeah yeah and i think it would reset things

00:12:30.920 to the standard norm like the weak would sort of not really function they wouldn't be able to

00:12:36.220 perform um and the strong would stand up and i think that women would want to enter the frame

00:12:42.480 of the strength and the men that are that are leading and standing up and able to you know

00:12:48.020 perform and and show the competence um skills that they have always valued um i don't see anything

00:12:55.460 changing like anytime soon you know we we still see these consistent patterns every year every

00:13:00.680 five every ten years every election cycle where it's like they keep telling most guys to be softer

00:13:06.060 weaker more agreeable to nod their head bend the knee you know like i said earlier become less so

00:13:10.040 she can become more um you know let her get promoted it's her turn you know you keep hearing

00:13:14.640 these narratives just about everywhere um and that's why you get a lot of weak guys and that's

00:13:19.320 why the strong masculine guys do so well out there yeah it's it's not even a contest like

00:13:26.280 yeah your competition really have to slide over the bar like you don't have to step over it you

00:13:30.240 just like moonwalk over the bar basically yeah yeah yeah um i i've kind of toyed around in my

00:13:38.840 head with this idea of natural selection um i kind of like natural selection but we've quote 0.93

00:13:44.440 unquote evolved past natural selection where the weakest most cowardly most pathetic people among us

00:13:50.960 stay alive i know that's going to be controversial but i kind of think it's true isn't that what 0.85

00:13:58.660 they want they want everybody to be agreeable stand on your dots wear your face diapers wasn't

00:14:03.660 that what the whole scandemic was about it was a test to see what they could get everybody to do

00:14:07.000 yeah well didn't did you see that fauci just came out or uh ram paul i think i don't even know how

00:14:13.340 he got his diary which is awesome how did he get his diary that's my first question yeah i don't

00:14:18.220 know but that was interesting i mean i mean that's my first question well you knew i knew

00:14:24.100 there's millions americans who are like what do you know now you knew you seem like such a genuine 0.99

00:14:30.320 nice guy yeah um but no i think that's what it's about we let these weenies and these assholes 0.98

00:14:37.080 take charge and we just kind of you know tell the line and do what we're told and get our little 0.98

00:14:43.420 pats on the head and our gold stars like mrs johnson our first grade teacher gave us when we

00:14:48.560 were six years old yeah that's what it boils down to we see the world through the same lens my friend

00:14:54.920 yeah okay so what does a man do about it like let's not talk about it societally let's just

00:15:03.100 talk about it and we can we can talk about it from a couple different perspectives so we've got guy

00:15:07.660 are you married rich you're married aren't you divorced divorced yeah divorced okay um how long

00:15:12.840 you've been divorced uh when was it 2012 i finalized it was a while ago okay are you in a

00:15:20.620 committed relationship if you don't mind me asking like a like a relationship yeah um i've been

00:15:27.540 divorced for three and a half years so let's look at it from the lens of you know what is a guy who

00:15:34.140 maybe is not in a relationship maybe he's divorced do and then let's take a look at a guy because

00:15:40.240 there is there are a lot of men who listen to this who are married you know four or five ten

00:15:44.600 twenty thirty years whatever and I think it's a little bit different for each of those categories

00:15:50.760 or maybe it's the same what do you think now when you say what does he do does he like what does he

00:15:55.760 do about what he can control or what does he do about the world around him are we looking at here

00:16:00.860 let me let me say this what does he do i'm just trying to think about what's the most okay here's 0.95

00:16:07.580 what i'd say what does he do to get his balls back that's what i'd say from well that's for him

00:16:15.040 yeah that's real tough like when i hear guys like you know what do i do to get the frame back what 0.98

00:16:20.200 do i do to get my balls back you know my you know my balls are my wife's purse they don't usually 0.86

00:16:24.040 acknowledge that but that's what their friends sort of observe and they might I mean we joked 0.99

00:16:29.180 about it when we were kids we called it pussy whipped right yeah we all joked about it when 0.78

00:16:32.740 we were kids that's what it is I think it's really difficult to change a woman's opinion of you when 0.56

00:16:37.960 she's decided that you fit in a certain category right like if you've been married for 10 years 0.99

00:16:42.360 and you're pussy whipped and your balls are really in her purse and she doesn't you know respect you 1.00

00:16:47.560 she shows contempt for you it's been said that contempt is a clock that ticks down to the end 1.00

00:16:51.100 of the end of the relationship and you see this all the time publicly at you know like thanksgiving

00:16:55.260 or you know you go to the grocery store even where she's chirping her husband and and and 0.96

00:17:00.880 almost insulting him publicly in front of other people like oh you're ryan you're so incompetent 0.96

00:17:05.680 you why didn't you why'd you get those diapers it's not those ones i told you it's these ones 1.00

00:17:08.820 you're such a moron why don't you listen you know like stuff like that and i think that once you get 0.99

00:17:13.900 to the point where she really doesn't see you as that strong masculine guy even if you change your 1.00

00:17:19.520 behavior she's she's still settled on the notion that you're just that weak pussy whip guy so i 0.99

00:17:28.080 think it's really really tough for guys to take the frame back to take their nuts back and own 0.98

00:17:36.000 the role of the guy in that relationship i mean in every relationship there's there's there's a

00:17:42.700 woman and a man and and one enters the other's frame and nowadays it's mostly men through a

00:17:48.760 process of betatization through a thousand concessions and that and that's like a small

00:17:53.360 thing it's like death by a thousand paper cuts it's like ryan don't brush your teeth over there

00:17:57.460 you're going to get toothpaste on the carpet you kind of mumble off you're like yeah i'm not an 0.88

00:18:00.820 idiot i know it's not going to go on the floor but i'm going to go over there just to make her 0.86

00:18:03.700 happy or ryan don't put your socks over there the dark socks go in the dark hamper and the white 1.00

00:18:07.720 socks go in the white hamper and it's like one thing after another after another and it's like

00:18:11.800 i don't think women are trying to pussify men i don't think they're trying to make him soft and 0.98

00:18:16.140 agreeable but it's just their way of competency tests also known as shit tests and the guy to 0.97

00:18:22.080 see what he's made of and he sort of goes along to get along to make her happy because men here 0.96

00:18:26.720 throughout their entire life happy wife happy life you know got to check with the boss my better half

00:18:32.300 you know you see at family events they're often saying things to the women like you know he's

00:18:36.840 really lucky to have you you never see anybody tell women at family events or gatherings you

00:18:41.920 know you're you know becky you're really lucky to have ryan you know you don't usually hear that

00:18:45.880 publicly it's it's always you're the lucky one to have her sort of thing and i think all these

00:18:50.460 narratives it's sort of like just build up and pile up it's just guys get to a point where they're

00:18:54.360 just you know they're a former version of themselves i'll share a really interesting

00:18:58.800 story with you so i was at the gym once and you know i got out of the shower and shaving my head

00:19:02.600 and there was this guy that came over to me and you're about the same age as me i think and he

00:19:06.000 was one of these guys that had like a barbed wire tattoo around his bicep i don't know if that was

00:19:09.440 popular when you were younger you know those guys yeah i've got a couple buddies who i tease about

00:19:13.660 it for sure yeah yeah yeah you know and he still had that barbed wire tattoo on his arm but he was

00:19:18.560 kind of shaped like a pear he's a little dorky he was losing his hair he's kind of holding on

00:19:22.360 his scraps and he came over to me and he goes you know that looks really good um you know when

00:19:27.000 you started doing that i just said you know a few whatever number of years ago it's pretty easy i

00:19:31.280 use one of these razors and i you know then i said to him i go you know you should do it you know

00:19:35.000 just shave your head you look a lot better right like clean it you know clean up your look yeah he

00:19:39.020 kind of dropped his head and he's like yeah you know i'd like to but my wife won't let me you know

00:19:43.300 sort of thing and it's like you know this guy was probably this awesome chad that drove a nice car

00:19:48.820 that had a cool life when he was like 22 23 with the barbed wire tattoo and you know women pursued

00:19:54.900 him and he got into a relationship and she said to him at some point let's get married he said

00:19:58.520 all right let's do it i'll do the right thing and you know through the course of the entire marriage 0.97

00:20:02.720 he just got to the point where he was kind of like this fat pear-shaped dork that was afraid 0.98

00:20:06.340 to shave his head because his wife wouldn't let him sort of thing that's what that process of 0.99

00:20:10.180 the betatization of a thousand concessions sort of gets men to where they turn him into this weak,

00:20:16.860 unattractive, soft guy that she doesn't want to be with. She doesn't really want to be intimate

00:20:21.820 with him. And he might get, you know, something every couple of months from her. And that's just

00:20:26.680 an unfortunate consequence of, of men yielding to women with everything. You know, Chris Rock made

00:20:31.600 a joke about it in one of his standups. He's like, he was, you know, he said to the audience,

00:20:35.320 he goes ladies you know the number one reason why you hate your men is because he wasn't your

00:20:40.940 first choice and the entire audience erupts in laughter and that's what these guys you know

00:20:46.940 allow to happen to them because they they love the woman and I believe that because you know

00:20:51.760 when a man loves a woman he truly wants to make her happy and he does all of these things he makes

00:20:56.060 all these concessions for her um and it's unwise like men need to learn how to say no more they

00:21:00.920 need to put their priorities and their hobbies first a lot of men walk away from friendships

00:21:05.200 because she doesn't want him around certain people for whatever reasons because she doesn't like the

00:21:09.260 hobby or she doesn't like the circle of friends whatever it happens to be but it's like that's

00:21:13.140 the guy that she wanted that that's the guy that you know the barbed wire tattoo guy was the guy

00:21:17.520 that she wanted to be with but she turned him into something else and he allowed it to happen

00:21:21.460 i don't blame the women i blame the men for letting it happen i think that's the right frame

00:21:26.440 you know it's like as a man so i'm 45 i don't know how old you are rich but i'm 45 so we're

00:21:32.460 probably very close and what's ironic about this is all the things that you're saying that and

00:21:40.080 women will even say i'm a nice guy i want a guy who you know i feel safe with no you don't i know

00:21:45.720 you don't because the behavior that you're saying that is associated with nice and safe is not the

00:21:51.500 behavior you're attracted to. And I'm not saying that you need to be a dick or anything like that. 0.99

00:21:56.680 I'm not, but I'm in the dating world and you know, I mean, I could tell a woman, Hey, like, 0.98

00:22:04.240 Hey, I'm looking forward to taking you out on Tuesday night and I've got some good plans and

00:22:10.200 it's a surprise. Here's what I want you to wear. And she's like, yes, sir. Like, like, there's no

00:22:18.040 question about it like and i'll even say like here's what i'm wearing here's what i want you

00:22:22.100 to wear and i'm gonna pick you up at seven i don't typically ask like oh can i meet you there

00:22:27.220 can i not pick me maybe like no i'm gonna pick you up at seven here's what i'm wearing here's

00:22:31.620 what i'd like you to wear we're gonna have a good night and it's gonna be a surprise and she's all

00:22:35.180 about it but too many guys don't do that they're like well what do you want to do what do you think

00:22:42.340 it's like god she's not your mommy she doesn't even want to be you're trying to be nice because

00:22:46.100 that's what she says she wants but her behavior says she wants a daddy not a mommy women crave 0.96

00:22:52.180 that they they crave a guy that actually makes plans they can't stand men that that can't be

00:22:57.060 decisive and make plans for a day they hate it yeah how does that work in the confines have been

00:23:03.760 told though ryan you know like no i know but even women say women are equal right like you know

00:23:08.620 they've been told for for for decades now men and women are equal like you should try to make

00:23:13.020 complimentary, you know, decisions, you know, between each other when it comes to things. So

00:23:16.160 it's, so guys approach a lot of dating with like, okay, well let's go out. They probably think that

00:23:21.420 they're going to go Dutch and split the bill or something like that. And they should sort of 1.00

00:23:25.420 collaborate and figure out what they would like to do. You know, do you want to go out for dinner?

00:23:28.740 Do you want to go to the putt-putt golf center afterwards or before? Like, you know, let's have

00:23:32.800 a conversation about what our date should look like. But what women really want is a guy to say, 1.00

00:23:37.040 picking you up at seven, taking you out for dinner, wear that black dress and picture number three.

00:23:41.300 easy so easy but but also i like this idea you're talking about it with with equality i mean we're

00:23:50.160 not equal right equal means equal four is the same as four and women are i would say women are

00:23:57.560 equal and worth to men but not equal in application we're different and if if more people understood

00:24:05.500 that i and look the other side of it too is like i'm not talking about being andrew tate here

00:24:11.380 like if if the woman you're interested in says i'm allergic to shellfish probably don't take

00:24:17.140 her out to sushi but you can definitely take her to the steakhouse so you know take take her into

00:24:23.440 consideration whether you're married or dating you know her better than anybody else take her 0.99

00:24:27.880 into consideration and then make a fucking choice already yeah it's not it's not complex man you 0.97

00:24:35.040 know work for our grandfathers and great grandfathers what do you think but but why won't 0.98

00:24:40.200 men do that because that is that is that is what i see i don't see a whole lot of men making those 0.63

00:24:46.220 choices like you said it's it's a bunch of acquiescing and then women get the ick from it

00:24:53.160 rightfully so i love that you said i don't blame it on women i blame it on men we're leaders so 0.78

00:24:57.920 if we're not going to lead then we're abdicating that role why don't men just show a little

00:25:04.100 initiative a little a little effort that's all it takes everything that's in culture and society 0.56

00:25:10.900 today ryan for decades now has pussified the western male to the soft weak puddle of goo 0.79

00:25:16.460 and that's just what most women are dealing with so even if he is attractive i mean i've talked to

00:25:23.480 lots of women over the years where you know they've said you know this guy was good looking

00:25:28.080 he was tall he had a good job but as soon as i went out with him nothing i was i was i was put

00:25:33.340 off because he was just such a big softy and I think that men need to tune in more to their 0.98

00:25:39.520 inner asshole um I think they got to listen to that to that tough guy that like machismo sort 0.99

00:25:45.100 of dude that's in there somewhere that they know that women are inherently attracted to 1.00

00:25:49.580 and turn off all the biological program and all the cultural program that they've heard for 1.00

00:25:56.320 for decades now dude like growing up watching sitcoms Cosby show you know father was the butt

00:26:02.660 of all jokes home improvement father was a butt of all jokes you go down every single sitcom that 0.99

00:26:07.160 we watched growing up yes dad was a butter of all jokes he was an absolute bumbling moron mom was 0.99

00:26:12.080 the hero they always laughed at his expense even in the commercials today i was talking about this 0.97

00:26:17.180 um you know the other day there's a radio ad that runs on a station that i listen to often and

00:26:21.560 i can't remember what the exact lyrics are but i'll try to play it out so something like 0.92

00:26:25.600 you know guy goes hey ai um put um toothpaste on the grocery list and then there's a female

00:26:32.380 voice on the ai that comes on and she goes got it toothpaste on the grocery list and mouthwash

00:26:36.960 and he goes i didn't say mouthwash and then the ai female voice goes yeah you need mouthwash and 0.54

00:26:42.880 you're also going to listen to the station at 17 and you're going to shut up and you're going to 0.79

00:26:47.040 enjoy it and then he goes okay fine no problem you know like he agrees with the ai you know female

00:26:51.780 voice and that comedy that you know that little skit there is put together by marketing teams 0.74

00:26:57.660 which always portray men as a butt of all jokes that's what sells that's what women want to hear

00:27:03.060 and that's part of the programming that you know makes these men compliant weak soft and agreeable 1.00

00:27:09.020 yeah i i i like the idea of tuning into your inner asshole and i and i often 0.99

00:27:16.080 i often joke about it like if you're a nice guy you need to actually and this is what i tell my 0.99

00:27:22.740 guys tell me what you think of this like you need to tiptoe into asshole territory because you don't 0.99

00:27:26.880 have a realistic perspective of what is nice and what is being a dick. And in order for you to 1.00

00:27:34.680 figure out what's appropriate, you need to be willing to be a dick. Yeah, it's a hundred percent 0.99

00:27:39.800 true, man. That's crazy. There's a, there's a sitcom I was trying to pull up, uh, with Roseanne

00:27:47.440 bar what's that sitcom um i'm just pulling up my notes right here uh what's the sitcom

00:27:56.260 it's like her and her husband i don't know i'll look it up here in a second but that's one of

00:28:02.500 those sitcoms where actually bucks against the system and you can't help but love the guy because

00:28:06.520 he actually cares about his wife but he also protects the people and has discipline and

00:28:11.160 it's such a rarity that it like actually stands out what is that uh i'll look for it later 1.00

00:28:18.500 um all right so when you say that a guy needs to tune into his inner asshole 0.86

00:28:27.000 that sounds really good and a lot of guys are like yeah i need to do that 0.97

00:28:31.640 what does that look like tactically um in uh give me some context like in what example

00:28:40.340 every area of your life man work women friendships let's say the guy's married for 10 years all

00:28:48.760 right he's got two and a half kids a white picket fence he's you know his wife's kind of

00:28:53.860 likes him maybe they were high school sweethearts and she's loyal and sweet and but not real

00:29:00.920 satisfied and neither is he yeah i think and so go ahead yeah go ahead yeah i think it's got to

00:29:06.900 start early on and it's got to be be maintained but like it's one of the concepts that i talk

00:29:11.600 about in my most recent book top shelf man and that book is more or less a guide for guys how

00:29:16.520 to manage long-term relationships and get more out of what they want in those long-term relationships

00:29:21.280 and one of the simple concepts really is just saying no more often right like like women will 0.90

00:29:28.360 cook up all sorts of ideas on things to spend money on to events to go to for projects for you 1.00

00:29:34.720 to get involved in. And like I said earlier, I think when a man loves a woman, he really tries

00:29:39.680 to please her and he tries to go along to get along and happy wife, happy life sort of thing.

00:29:43.360 And he tends to stamp everything just yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And, you know, you can really see

00:29:50.160 what a woman's made of when you tell her no, right? You know, does she throw a hissy fit? 1.00

00:29:53.400 Does she get angry at you? Does she call you, I don't know, controlling or insecure or whatever

00:29:57.800 it happens to be? Like, you know, like one of the conversations I have a lot of times with guys

00:30:03.880 is the guy will say you know my wife wants to go away to a bachelorette party in las vegas for the 1.00

00:30:08.400 weekend i'm not really sure how i feel about it because all of her friends are you know hoes or 0.96

00:30:13.540 something like that like he'll come up with this notion that they're not the best characters to 0.92

00:30:18.060 sort of be around and i think a guy that's that's masculine and has frame in the relationship and

00:30:23.320 she looks to him as a leader she wouldn't even ask she wouldn't ask for it she wouldn't even say

00:30:28.900 to him look you know i want to go to vegas on this date with my girlfriends are you okay with it

00:30:32.940 she just won't go she'll just tell her girlfriends you know you go ahead i don't think that's a good 1.00

00:30:37.480 idea for me as a married woman to go and do something like that right some women will ask

00:30:42.420 some women will also tell um and i think the vast majority of women sort of err on the side of that's 0.96

00:30:48.040 what i want to do this is what women do it's a girl's you know it's a girl's weekend what could

00:30:51.580 possibly go wrong in vegas you know you're just insecure you're just controlling sort of thing 0.97

00:30:56.000 and when guys tend to put their foot down in an environment like that um you know that's that

00:31:02.720 showing leadership and that's always best done early on like that's done very early on when you're

00:31:08.900 kind of dating phase you said something to you like hey ryan what are we where are we going

00:31:13.520 you know what is this uh i want to claim you i don't want to share you that's when you can tell 0.50

00:31:18.540 her hey look you know i dig your vibe too but i don't take women seriously and i don't invite 1.00

00:31:23.500 them into my life on a committed basis if they're the kind of gals that go away for girls weekends 0.98

00:31:27.840 right like that's just not my thing i'm not like i trust the locks of my porsche i'm not going to 0.95

00:31:32.800 park in a lousy neighborhood overnight because i know what could possibly happen it's the same

00:31:36.620 thing you want me to care about you and you want me to protect you then i'm not going to allow

00:31:41.080 these sorts of things to happen so that's always best handled very early on in the selection and

00:31:46.700 dating phase but if you've been married for five or ten years and you want to put your foot down

00:31:50.500 and tell your wife who's gone away for girl girls weekends many a times that she can't do it anymore

00:31:54.680 she'll probably laugh in your face and do it anyway

00:31:57.060 and then what what do you do well that's just what she thinks of you i mean that's what she

00:32:04.520 thinks of your leadership that's what she thinks of your boundary no i mean like let's say let's

00:32:08.440 say i'm married for 10 years you don't have a lot you don't have many many cards to pull at that

00:32:13.120 point like you're in a very bad position if if she expresses contempt for your boundaries you

00:32:17.380 know like i said earlier contempt is a clock that ticks down to the end of all relationships

00:32:20.920 that's very difficult to fix i don't think it's it's it's fixable in most cases

00:32:24.980 yeah but so what do you do like let's say i'm married for 10 years yeah and my wife comes to

00:32:31.400 me and she's like hey i'm gonna go with the girls to vegas and i'm like i'm not really comfortable

00:32:34.760 with you going to vegas i prefer you to stay home and i prefer to do this and let's let's you and i

00:32:39.500 have a weekend i'll come to vegas like you want to go to vegas let's do it together yeah i would

00:32:44.060 say i'm not comfortable what do you do yeah i would say the go plan is the same as a stay plan

00:32:48.500 you know you set the boundary you put your foot down you say you're not having it you don't get

00:32:53.360 madder you don't yell at her you don't you know do anything different you just tell her like this

00:32:58.400 is the way it's going to be and if you choose to do that you're going to come back to a house

00:33:01.640 with the locks changed and your stuff on the front porch and you have to be serious about it follow

00:33:05.400 through on it man i'm going to step away just really quickly if you listen to this conversation

00:33:10.360 with rich and you're feeling that that kick in the balls that gut check and that maybe you've been

00:33:17.400 on the pedestal side of one too many relationships, or you've put her on the pedestal, I want to

00:33:23.000 invite you to something really big on Wednesday, August 12th. So that's going to be about two and

00:33:28.620 a half weeks from now. Um, at 8 PM Eastern, we're running a live iron council preview call. This is

00:33:35.040 our brotherhood, the iron council. It's men who will hold each other accountable, who don't let

00:33:39.820 each other coast, who actually do the work instead of just talking about it. This is a, this is a

00:33:46.680 call. It's a no cost call, no, no pressure, no sales tactic. We're just going to give you a look

00:33:52.180 at what this brotherhood feels like from the inside, how it runs, who's in it, and hopefully

00:33:58.360 how it can change the way that you show up as a man, maybe a father, a husband, a business owner,

00:34:03.500 a community leader, but spots for the call are limited. So don't sit out on this one, head to

00:34:09.180 theironcouncil.com slash preview right now and register for our august 12th preview call show

00:34:16.560 up guys find your brothers and build this life that you're supposed to be living again head to

00:34:21.960 theironcouncil.com slash preview for our call on august 12th at 8 p.m eastern we'll see you there

00:34:28.820 yeah it's it's a law of deterrence right like you you can't be a badass if you're just gonna

00:34:35.960 you know flap your gums because people will test you your woman will test you and then when you 0.93

00:34:41.360 fold she's like oh yeah like all I have to do is wait a day and he'll fold it's pretty much what

00:34:46.720 they think yeah that's interesting yeah I think you're right like again as a man who's dating

00:34:52.620 um if a woman said to me hey can you take me to the club no I'll take you to I'll take you to a

00:35:00.480 nice dinner where it's you and me and we have a little privacy and I can get to know you you can

00:35:04.860 get to know me it's like well i really wanted to go to the club i'm like cool go to the club

00:35:08.400 with someone else you're not going with me though like i'm not taking you to the club i'm not going

00:35:13.200 to parade you in front of other dudes i'm not going to put myself in a jeopardizing situation

00:35:18.560 where i have to compete with other men where maybe i even have to be physical or violent with

00:35:22.840 other men to protect you who i don't even know i'm good hard pass on that yeah it's very simple

00:35:29.820 you know the earlier that you set the boundaries and the firmer that you know that you are on

00:35:34.660 what you're willing to tolerate because you get out of life what you tolerate the more likely it

00:35:39.140 is that you're going to figure out if she's the right fit for you but again you know most guys

00:35:42.840 because they have a lack of optionality they have a lack of abundance they'll they'll do anything to

00:35:47.360 go along to get along and they'll legitimately drive i mean that's why you have this phenomenon

00:35:52.080 today which is just wild to me where you see these guys who who just fall for cuckoldry and

00:35:56.880 hot wifing and you know women want to introduce um some guy named tyrone of the bedroom while he

00:36:02.180 sits in the corner and watches it all enfold in front of them and and they go along with it right

00:36:07.540 it's like i i still can't believe to this day that these men actually exist but there's an

00:36:13.440 abundance of them out there and they just do it because they think that she'll be happy with it

00:36:18.720 and that she'll like him more or that she'll give him more of what he wants i actually saw a study

00:36:26.000 it's like a week or two ago that said the category of pornography that continues to increase is just

00:36:34.700 what you said cuckoldry yeah like guys are actively searching out being a cuck to tyrone

00:36:42.760 or whoever else it might be that's crazy you know like in the past um polygyny was the thing where 0.78

00:36:50.280 you know women would be okay with sharing a man now it seems like we've flipped it upside down

00:36:56.360 and it's like you know guys are okay with sharing a woman because it's all they can get it's the

00:37:00.320 best they can get for some of these guys not all but some of these guys and I think you know in

00:37:04.540 some instances some of these guys think that it'll save their marriage I've never I've never

00:37:09.080 seen a guy yielding to cuckoldry save his marriage yeah well quite the opposite actually like the

00:37:16.860 amount of, and I'm in Southern Utah, the amount of, it's actually pretty wild to me. It's a,

00:37:23.440 it's a very, it's a very swinging culture here. It's, it's crazy to me. And people say,

00:37:32.240 I've heard her doing it or is it? Oh, it's every Mormon. It's everybody more. A lot of times it's 0.99

00:37:37.980 ex Mormons, right? So they grew up in the church and then they left it, you know, 25 because of

00:37:44.100 whatever. Um, which I would say was, would be a good decision, but they leave and then they go,

00:37:49.540 it's the preacher's daughter scenario. Right. And they go crazy. And then you have these people,

00:37:55.520 it's very prolific here. It's like, you have these people who are just openly swinging as if

00:38:01.820 the relationship is going to be better. I'm like, there's, I've never heard of a healthy relationship

00:38:08.200 when you start introducing other people into the bedroom. I've never in my life heard of that. I've

00:38:13.400 been on this planet for almost 50 years now. No, it's over at that point for the most part.

00:38:18.400 Yeah. To go back to your book, when you talk about being a top shelf man, sometimes I think,

00:38:25.780 and you probably get this, that people think, well, you're just, it's machismo. It's toxic

00:38:32.640 masculinity. It's arrogant. I'm sure you've heard worse. What do you say to somebody like that? 0.89

00:38:38.940 okay you know that's your opinion you're wrong why are they wrong you know i've

00:38:45.920 i've kind of gotten to the point because i've been doing this for over 12 years now it's like

00:38:50.780 you know i've learned that people don't usually want to hear your opinion they want to hear their

00:38:55.160 opinions come out of your mouth good point good point you know and it you know if somebody's going

00:39:01.120 to argue with me about a point that i've made or something that i'm confident in or or a or a

00:39:05.620 uh, a value that I've established is actually true. I mean, I'll respond to it and I'll tell

00:39:11.900 them, you know, like I might say something like, um, you know, do you want to hear the honest

00:39:16.800 truth? Like, you know, do you really want to hear my opinion? And yeah, you know, tell me, okay,

00:39:20.520 then I'll tell you the answer. You're not going to like it. And they usually don't,

00:39:24.500 but it gives them something to chew on. Right. Like I know what women respond to. I know what

00:39:29.400 women don't respond to um i was the guy that was on all sides of the equation on the sexual

00:39:36.580 marketplace the alpha c the beta the beta need like i've been on both sides so i know what

00:39:40.400 what women do like and what they don't like um and oftentimes you know women will say things to us 1.00

00:39:47.960 and they'll i don't know they'll blanket it in something like toxic masculinity or whatever it

00:39:53.640 is that it happens to be we'll just use that as an example but there's really no such thing as

00:39:58.400 toxic masculinity there's just masculinity right they only call it toxic when it doesn't serve a

00:40:03.020 narrative that that that they like and when it serves a narrative that they like like oh my god

00:40:08.180 there was a hurricane that came through and everything flooded and all of these men came

00:40:11.680 in and saved people manliness at that point then that's not toxic masculinity that's you know that's

00:40:16.300 a real man you know sort of thing and it's like well that comes with the guy that also says no to

00:40:21.580 right how do you yes i agree how do you help a woman give up some of that masculine

00:40:34.260 frame when she's been conditioned at this point from the time she was a little girl

00:40:40.080 including her mom running yeah you just have to the pants of the house you know putting on the

00:40:45.020 pants like how do you how do you help her feel comfortable where she can start letting go and 0.59

00:40:49.860 actually being feminine yeah it can take some work i mean it can take months or years of work

00:40:55.040 i mean if you're committed to the relationship of the woman you think that she's a good fit and 0.81

00:40:58.280 she kind of ticks off most of your boxes and she's got a lot of green flags and no red flags and

00:41:02.360 you want to spend the time on it and and it's just you know sound bites like don't talk to me that

00:41:07.160 way you know sort of thing or you know like something along those lines but but but violence

00:41:13.240 raising your voice making statements that um you know throwing words out that you can't take back

00:41:18.420 It's like, you know, one of those things, sometimes it's one of the best things that 0.72

00:41:21.440 ever happened to women is when you make a statement or you use a C word, you know, you 1.00

00:41:24.900 get so bent out of shape and you're, you know, you're, you're, uh, feathers ruffled so bad 1.00

00:41:30.280 that you drop the C where you call her a bitch or something like that. 0.94

00:41:33.080 And it's like, once you've done that, you've lost all the frame in the relationship. 1.00

00:41:37.440 Um, I don't argue with women. 1.00

00:41:38.860 It's like, if they start doing something or say something that I'm not in alignment with, 1.00

00:41:42.740 I just don't partake.

00:41:44.360 I just turn around and I walk the other way.

00:41:46.420 Right.

00:41:46.780 And they learn real, real quick what I'm about.

00:41:49.280 And if they're going to stick around and they want to be with me, then they're going to put up with my boundaries.

00:41:53.260 And if they're not, then they're going to go the other way.

00:41:54.920 And that's OK. I'll just replace them with somebody else because I have abundance.

00:41:59.760 Yeah, I like the abundance versus scarcity mentality.

00:42:03.940 And I also appreciate your energy.

00:42:05.520 Like I can actually see it.

00:42:07.120 We're not even arguing and I can see that your energy is very calm.

00:42:11.360 It's cool. It's collected.

00:42:12.360 It's like, I mean, I could probably say things that I could try to get you riled up.

00:42:17.540 I don't have any reason to, but I can't imagine that you would.

00:42:21.600 And that's the energy I think more men can come with.

00:42:24.000 Like, it doesn't matter what you say to me.

00:42:25.780 You can't penetrate my well-being, my psyche, how I feel about myself.

00:42:32.820 That's a very powerful.

00:42:33.940 It's very attractive, too, to a woman, to anybody, actually, women and men.

00:42:38.340 Attractive. 0.99

00:42:38.780 Yeah, they like all of this really just like boils down, you know, going back to the point of the competency test or the shit test, as it's often known, is like women test men to see what they're made of. 1.00

00:42:49.580 And they'll try to get away with things with you to see what you're made of. 0.98

00:42:53.660 Right. Because they're trying to figure out, like, like, who is this guy?

00:42:57.880 And what you'll find is once you kind of go through a few of these, you know, for a little while, they happen less and less.

00:43:04.660 they don't happen as much and if they do happen and you do put your foot down in the same

00:43:09.580 consistency that you have in the past she'll usually come back and re-enter your frame pretty 0.99

00:43:14.300 quickly you know i often tell guys you want a woman that that can self-reflect and take a little 1.00

00:43:20.340 bit of accountability i don't think you should try to force accountability down women's throat

00:43:24.180 it's very difficult it's like like uh oil and water um but i think you're doing pretty good

00:43:29.740 if you get a woman that says something along the lines of um you know ryan you're right i was being

00:43:33.580 a brat i apologize um that makes total sense right like if you can get a woman to get to that

00:43:39.100 point you're doing really well even like half of that point you're doing really well do you feel

00:43:43.900 like when you say things like this that people equate it with any sort of nefariousness or

00:43:53.600 manipulation yeah well that's what they'll try to do they'll say oh well you're gaslighting me

00:43:58.400 or you're manipulating it's like no yeah this is who i am this is my boundary if you have a problem

00:44:04.020 with that then i'm sure there's a guy out there that might be a better fit for you and you mean

00:44:08.420 that yeah 100 you can go i mean you know the door's open you can you can leave but it'll be

00:44:14.860 locked if you try to come back through it okay so then how do you create so let's look at it from

00:44:21.520 two different scenarios because i mean we when guys listen we've got two different camps from

00:44:25.820 the context we're talking about, right? We've got guys who maybe are single, they're young,

00:44:30.240 they're dating, they're looking for their wife. And then we've got a whole other cadre of men

00:44:33.500 who are married and they've already committed to somebody. And so we have to look at it from

00:44:38.140 both lenses. How do you create that abundance where it's like, Hey, if she walks, I'm going

00:44:46.720 to be fine in each of those categories um did you ever see the stand-up comic bit with patrice

00:44:56.780 o'neill on the fishing boat maybe one i don't think so maybe once you say it i'll know it but

00:45:02.840 i don't know it right offhand yeah look it up i mean i'm gonna butcher it here but basically

00:45:06.720 you know what he says is like you know women want a guy that can fish and knows how to catch fish

00:45:13.320 and the bit is something along the lines of you know you have a fishing boat you go out you catch

00:45:17.760 fish you take a picture of the fish so you can show it to people and let them know that you can

00:45:22.280 catch fish and then you kind of like let the fish go at some point though you know a fish will hop

00:45:28.880 back on the boat and want you to take it home because it prefers you know your boat and your

00:45:33.420 lifestyle to the cold dark ocean but the problem with that is that they usually at some point sort

00:45:40.320 turn around and they'll go well you know we've been together for a while why do you still have

00:45:44.180 a boat and the answer to that is so you know i can catch fish so i don't think that men should

00:45:51.140 relinquish their um you know their skills when it comes to things like game um um there's three

00:45:59.220 80s that i talk about in the top shelf man there's proximity there's familiarity and there's

00:46:03.340 exclusivity the one that most guys have the most difficulty with is the exclusivity part and it

00:46:08.680 And it boils down to sexual exclusivity.

00:46:11.380 And you can give a woman commitment and exclusivity on separate basis, if you know what I'm saying. 0.96

00:46:18.480 I think that you can give a woman 100% of your commitment, but 99% of your sexual exclusivity. 0.92

00:46:22.860 I think they have to know that you can catch fish. 0.71

00:46:24.740 Whether you choose to catch fish or not is entirely up to you.

00:46:27.580 But I think that if you give them full assurance and exclusivity, you're doing yourself a disservice.

00:46:34.860 It's a fact that I'll, you know, it's a hill that I'll die on.

00:46:38.680 Um, whether you choose to indulge or not, it might involve you being a little bit flirtatious,

00:46:44.000 you know, with the wait, waitress, when she comes and takes your order in front of your

00:46:47.380 girlfriend or your wife, you don't necessarily, you know, have to act on it to prove a point.

00:46:52.160 Uh, but indulging in some of the banter or some of the game lets her know that you have

00:46:57.760 the capacity to catch fish.

00:46:59.160 You know, if you know what I'm saying here.

00:47:01.060 Yeah.

00:47:02.420 Yeah.

00:47:03.300 That's interesting.

00:47:04.060 So, okay. So I, I think I would think just from my position that once you start it, look flirting, it's inevitable, right? If I, if, if I was an exclusive relationship and I saw a woman and she was cute, I would do, I'd probably, if she was my waitress, I would probably engage in some harmless flirting.

00:47:23.540 I don't think you can really escape that. But I think once you start deliberately doing it, you you are crossing the line. That's how I feel. But that being said, there's nothing to say that I can't continue to dress.

00:47:37.680 I mean, you've got great style. There's nothing to say that I couldn't continue to dress in a way that makes me attractive or I can't drive the nicest car that I can or have a desire to.

00:47:48.480 And I keep it clean and that I smell good and that I've got my things on lock and that I walk with the energy of confidence because I'm confident in what I do.

00:48:00.600 That's just making yourself the best man possible, whether you want to be in that single committed relationship or not.

00:48:07.300 like why wouldn't you do that it's it's manhood 101 like why wouldn't you want to maintain the

00:48:12.440 best version of yourself a lot of guys get lazy fat and sloppy because they're sitting around

00:48:15.980 watching sports all the time doing nothing eating crappy food and you know women do it too but

00:48:20.080 you're not going to control anybody else the only part of the universe that you know that you can

00:48:24.800 control is yourself so i think that if you maintain a level of masculine excellence so that you're

00:48:29.380 at or in as close proximity to the top shelf as possible you will be recognized like your

00:48:35.540 reputation will lead before you enter a room. People will acknowledge you. They'll, they'll

00:48:39.000 be interested in you because of who you are, what you look like. You know, um, there's these seven

00:48:43.720 spokes that I talk about in my book as well. The seven spokes of a high value man. And I create

00:48:47.460 this assessment test and everything with it. Um, but leveling up on those seven spokes is generally

00:48:53.220 what keeps women attracted to you and keeps them around you. And when you start getting lazy in 1.00

00:48:58.940 those areas or you don't really care about doing the work in those areas you just don't look as 0.99

00:49:05.900 good to her the one that you're with and anybody else like the surest way to keep a woman around 1.00

00:49:11.940 as silly as this sounds like women want what other women want right like the like the fastest easiest 1.00

00:49:17.660 way for a woman to assess a man's value is if there's other beautiful women around that man 1.00

00:49:22.860 they don't have to do the work they don't have to sniff them out they don't have to think about it 1.00

00:49:26.300 because they already see beautiful women that have already pre-selected him.

00:49:29.660 So that element of attraction and that glue that keeps women to you,

00:49:35.500 I think it's important to maintain.

00:49:37.900 It's easier for guys like us to do stuff like that

00:49:41.060 because, I mean, you just do a couple of posts on social media,

00:49:44.280 you drop a few pictures, people see who you are, you dress well.

00:49:47.240 There's maybe a couple of gals that come along and they like your stuff

00:49:50.180 or they'll throw a comment on it,

00:49:51.700 hey, you look good in that photograph or something like that.

00:49:53.640 that's that's plenty to remind your gal that you're a man that other men want to be and other

00:50:00.540 women want to be with i think the danger in that though is where you start doing that for other

00:50:10.620 women because they will sniff that out immediately and then that's no longer powerful you just gave

00:50:16.820 away you were doing it so well and then you did it for a woman and it just lost all of its potency

00:50:23.180 no all of it is done for yourself you know you you do it explicitly for yourself that's where

00:50:28.580 people get confused like oh well you're um what have i heard sound bites or lines or something 0.98

00:50:33.860 like that's what pussy beggars do or you're some kind of a pickup artist or something like that 0.98

00:50:37.180 it's like no you're not very smart if you don't see the code here because i'm literally pointing 1.00

00:50:41.560 to the facts here right you're doing this for yourself you're not doing this to like

00:50:45.820 chase women right the opposite is true like when you again have ascended to the top shelf or in as

00:50:51.440 close proximity to that as possible, um, women notice you because other women notice you and

00:50:57.680 other men want to be you. So it's, it's, it's, it's this like self, uh, self-fulfilling sort

00:51:02.760 of prophecy. It sort of feeds itself if you know what I mean. I had this really interesting

00:51:07.060 experience a year or so ago and I was in a restaurant with a couple of friends. We were

00:51:14.100 hanging out and I saw this, this woman and she was attractive and I'm like, man, I got to 0.84

00:51:21.340 figure out how to wait a way she was with her mom what I who I assumed was her mom and I'm like man 0.99

00:51:27.260 I gotta figure out a way to like approach this woman and I noticed her like getting up gathering

00:51:33.400 her check going to the front I'm like oh man we were getting up at about the same time and I just

00:51:39.100 grabbed I grabbed a napkin and I just wrote on it like hey you caught my eye earlier you're really

00:51:46.320 beautiful. Um, I just wanted to tell you that my name is Ryan and I just wrote my number down

00:51:51.080 and I ran, I kind of like jogged out to the parking lot. I'm like, excuse me, excuse me.

00:51:55.780 So you dropped this and I gave it to her and then I walked away and, and the guys I was with are

00:52:02.420 like, what's that all about? I'm like, ah, don't worry about it. And we get in the car and I see

00:52:06.660 her car pulled out and her mom waves at me. And, and then I get a text later that, that evening

00:52:15.200 from her and she's like yeah you caught my eye too and it's like man like it's so and we had a

00:52:22.180 good text conversation she was visiting I was busy it didn't work out nothing worked out we

00:52:25.860 never met up or anything like that yeah but it's so easy if you can just have a little bit of game

00:52:33.940 a little bit of play a little bit of fun I have a really close friend his name's Keith Yaki who's

00:52:39.100 on the podcast last week and he talks about it exactly what you're saying it's this what he

00:52:44.840 calls is the player dial where it's like hey can you have fun can you flirt can you be him can you

00:52:52.440 be that guy and it whether you're married or not like even your wife wants you to be the player

00:52:58.160 that she married that you haven't been for 15 years there there's um i mean that's the bit on

00:53:04.260 the fishing boat that patrice o'neill talks about right like that's like that's the capability to

00:53:08.160 catch fish right yeah i i just are you familiar with orion terriban and his work yeah he's a good

00:53:15.940 friend of mine man he spoke at my conference the last two years in a row that guy i love his

00:53:20.040 analogy of saying hey you're you're the captain of the boat and the captain of the boat's

00:53:25.100 responsibility is to figure out where the boat's going and then all the passengers which are the

00:53:29.560 women then go to the shore and they're like well that captain's going here and that captain's going

00:53:34.100 there and that captain's going here which one is going where i want to go and which one if there's 1.00

00:53:39.580 multiple can actually get me their competency and then she just chooses based on partly what you

00:53:45.660 said is are there a bunch of other passengers clamoring to get on that boat yeah that's um

00:53:51.520 taraband's great man like his book the value of others especially the second so good i've got it

00:53:55.960 right here yeah we have we have very similar opinions on on um you know dealing with the

00:54:01.640 sexual marketplace for sure. Do you feel like with Orion and others, there's a, there's a line

00:54:08.900 between doing this in a healthy way, but I also sometimes feel like I catch some tons of

00:54:16.380 bitterness or contention with him and, and other people as well.

00:54:21.780 Yeah. I mean, I get that a lot. Um, I'm sure, you know, I'm sure he hears it from time to time too,

00:54:28.120 but you know uh the truth will sound like hate to those that hate the truth at the end of the day

00:54:33.140 right and it's like i you know i really don't care about the opinions of others i don't i'm not going

00:54:37.920 to change my views and my values just because something i say or do isn't in full alignment

00:54:43.340 with somebody other with somebody else's value system i'm not here to to mirror back your exact

00:54:49.380 values like i i just tell you the truth i know what works and what doesn't work and that's what

00:54:54.120 i've been about and if you don't like it that's cool you know we can part as friends yeah but

00:54:57.940 that's not really what i'm asking so let me clarify just a little bit more i'm wondering if

00:55:02.140 there's a point at which we take what we're talking about today and let's just use the

00:55:07.780 analogy of the fish where it's no longer about catching the fish it's no longer about that it's

00:55:12.820 like i have this disdain for fish and i'm gonna make it miserable for the fish i'm trying to catch

00:55:19.260 like do you feel like it's at some point crosses that line because i see that in yeah some people 0.98

00:55:25.440 quote unquote manosphere where people are like women are bitches and all women are this and that 0.97

00:55:30.740 i'm like hold up chill for a second like i think that says more about you than it does about them 0.98

00:55:37.000 yeah i think i think a good portion of guys actually get there where it's like

00:55:41.320 blackpilling for them where they get to this point of nihilism where

00:55:44.360 you know how are you ever going to compete with a woman i mean if tom brady couldn't do it what

00:55:48.880 do you think your chances are if brad pitt can't do it then how the hell are you going to do it

00:55:53.220 sort of thing like hypergamy is undefeated or you know whatever line or narrative that they use you

00:55:58.020 know like all women are the same now sort of thing and it's like the vast majority of women are 0.69

00:56:02.060 probably not a good fit for the vast majority of of guys up there um and that's fine and that's why

00:56:08.940 i advocate you know for the abundance and you know like most of your problems as a guy when it comes

00:56:14.200 to dealing with women can be resolved in a selection phase when you're dating when you've

00:56:18.340 got a lot of abundance and optionality and you reject the wrong kind of women that's why

00:56:23.720 i often talk to talk about the 21 red flags um and seeking the 16 green flags that you know 1.00

00:56:30.440 surround the bright triads traits you know you want to look for women that are a good fit that 0.83

00:56:34.960 are aligned with your purpose and your goals and people as well friends you know colleagues people

00:56:40.260 that you're going to collaborate with you know that are open to the ideas and we don't necessarily

00:56:44.060 have to agree i mean i'm sure there's lots of things that you and i won't agree on ryan you

00:56:47.880 if we were to sit down and have a beer and a dinner sort of thing.

00:56:50.900 But we can have an open conversation about it, hear each other out,

00:56:54.800 and sort of leave that evening in some areas to disagree and have some agreements.

00:57:00.100 And that's fine, and that's how men should operate.

00:57:02.240 That's how good calibrated people should operate, I think, anyway.

00:57:07.100 But that's just not how the world goes.

00:57:08.820 Everybody wants to be offended today.

00:57:10.460 They want, like I said earlier, I don't think people want to hear new opinions.

00:57:13.360 They want to hear their opinions come out of your mouth sort of thing.

00:57:15.820 um so you will get painted that way from time to time but never go black pill like never get to 1.00

00:57:22.140 the point where it's like oh women are bitches sort of thing it's like yeah you know i get it 1.00

00:57:25.520 there's a lot of pretty crappy women out there just reject them you know you don't invite them 1.00

00:57:29.600 into your life you don't participate in the you know you don't get into the mud and roll around 1.00

00:57:33.160 with the pigs right like like you spend time with the better ones and it's going to be tough i mean

00:57:39.720 you're going to have to dig through a lot of dirt to find gold that's just the way that it is

00:57:43.520 yeah and i don't i don't i actually don't i understand the sentiment of what you're saying

00:57:49.280 i don't even consider that i just consider it like hey is this a compatible person with me

00:57:53.800 you know it's and and it's it's as objective as i possibly can make it in the hard part is when

00:57:59.440 she's beautiful like you are so beautiful and yet i don't like you and that's why you got to look

00:58:06.360 past her beauty man what's that you know what that's why you got to look past her beauty like

00:58:11.100 if you actually boil it down beauty is very common i mean you can go to instagram right now

00:58:14.940 and search hashtag fitness girl and and you'll get page after page like hundreds of thousands of 1.00

00:58:19.640 pages exceptionally beautiful women a lot of them are going to be absolute train wrecks you know 1.00

00:58:25.420 holding out you know the best version of themselves on on social media it's like a highlight reel of 1.00

00:58:29.600 the perfect life and you know you get to know them and they're a total train wreck and you know i

00:58:33.980 think beauty is common but i think that that that men that are at or near the top shelf is is more

00:58:38.900 rare so you know when they say that men are the prize i don't think all men are the prize but i

00:58:44.300 think that there are a contingent of men out there that have done a considerable amount of work you

00:58:49.140 know taking ownership you know they've leveled themselves up um that that should be very discerning

00:58:55.400 in their taste like i said earlier i think a lot of men's problems with relationships and women can

00:58:59.080 be resolved in the selection phase yeah agreed okay so you talked a little bit about the 21 red

00:59:05.940 flags and i think you said 16 green flags as far as the red flags go um are there a couple that

00:59:12.060 come to mind that are that are very difficult like if she has if she has an attitude i mean

00:59:17.520 that's a red flag and everybody can see it like i don't need to really read too much into that

00:59:21.900 but are there some red flags that are really challenging or difficult to observe and to

00:59:28.360 internalize um i think most guys inherently know them i mean i can you know read a few off there's

00:59:35.040 women with daddy issues there's feminists there's women that that are always unhappy and unlucky in

00:59:40.360 areas of life you know women that compete with you you know we talked about that earlier before 0.99

00:59:44.460 we went live violent women women that have extreme jealousy issues party girls uh i think women 0.93

00:59:50.980 covered in tattoos women with giant notch counts should be avoided um you know women that seek 0.91

00:59:56.020 validation online on social media by posting salacious photographs women what's the tattoo 1.00

01:00:01.220 thing tell me about that because that's increasingly common what's the tattoo thing yeah 38 percent of

01:00:06.800 women have tattoos now um there was a podcast that i did um about a year ago i can't remember all the

01:00:12.480 details but um there was seven studies um that were done on women and tattoos and they all say

01:00:20.180 the exact same thing they're extremely desired like undesirable uh traits that come with women

01:00:25.980 that are heavily tattooed i'll use a very clear example a buddy of mine was an is a er doctor and 1.00

01:00:31.820 one of the things that he would have a lot of women walking in to get tests for was stds and

01:00:38.300 he was telling me one time you know your you know your take on tattoos is absolutely right he goes

01:00:42.600 the vast majority of women that come in for std tests they're covered in tattoos right like they're 1.00

01:00:49.160 more promiscuous they're more difficult to deal with and i think you know at the end of the day

01:00:53.440 tattooing is a very masculine pursuit and you know it's kind of funny i was talking to elliot

01:00:58.460 hulse about this at one time we did a collab on his channel he was telling me about his theory

01:01:02.520 on tattoos and he was like it kind of disgusts him because you know when you sit there and think

01:01:06.140 about it it it requires a man usually sitting in a chair to penetrate her body over and over again

01:01:11.980 with a pen and ink you know to mark it up with this tattoo um it's just not a desirable trait

01:01:17.820 And from the optics of like beauty, I think it's classless.

01:01:23.500 It's like putting bumper stickers all over a Lamborghini.

01:01:25.920 A Lamborghini is a beautiful car and just randomly dropping, you know, stickers all over it. 0.81

01:01:30.400 In my opinion, it's the same thing as a woman tattooing her body. 1.00

01:01:32.920 I think a woman's body is a beautiful thing and tattooing it just makes it ugly. 1.00

01:01:37.480 I mean, it's hard for me to argue with that. 1.00

01:01:41.520 I don't know if I would go so far as to say it's a masculine thing.

01:01:45.700 I get the penetration concept. 0.70

01:01:46.820 concept i think that's a bit of a stretch to be honest but um but but both men and women decorate

01:01:53.380 themselves to make themselves more attractive or to make statements so i don't know if it's

01:01:57.580 masculine or feminine but yeah i would agree it's like you're a beautiful woman like like be

01:02:04.200 beautiful by yourself i don't even have i don't have any tattoos personally me neither because i

01:02:09.420 have skin and my skin's awesome and I can't think of anything that I want to put on my skin that

01:02:17.420 I think that'll look really cool when I'm 80 years old I don't think it will yeah um a lot of it

01:02:22.580 doesn't make a lot of sense like there's so much randomness to it it's like you know I was at this

01:02:26.620 restaurant the other day and my server comes up and she's got you know a tank top because it's

01:02:30.220 outside in the summertime and it's like the sun over here the moon over here a Lamborghini Countach 0.53

01:02:34.900 over here a flower pot over here some other random shit over here and it's like you know

01:02:39.400 it's like your four-year-old when they get their hands on a sticker book and they just put stickers 0.90

01:02:43.280 all over their body sort of thing like that's what it looks like to me now yeah well that and

01:02:49.960 again i agree on that and the other side of it too is tattoos used to be rebellious like when

01:02:56.480 you saw a guy or or a woman even more so for a woman with a tattoo you're like oh she's a rebel

01:03:01.020 or he's a rebel and now the guy without a tattoo or the woman without a tattoo is called only a

01:03:07.480 rebel yeah yeah interesting what uh so okay so green flags give me give me two or three green

01:03:16.240 flags a guy ought to look for or cultivate um i think i think a really obvious one would be

01:03:22.520 what does she do when you get sick like does she want to care for you does she want to nurse you

01:03:26.560 back to health. That's cool. I never thought about that. Another really good one is I think that

01:03:31.980 that a bright green flag would be a woman that like genuinely wants to form a connection with 0.99

01:03:37.760 your family, your children, you know, whatever that happens to be, right? Like they'll go out 0.95

01:03:41.560 of their way to form a connection and be useful and, and, you know, develop a relationship

01:03:47.380 that is just easy and it sort of flows, right? Versus like, oh, your mom's such a bitch and 1.00

01:03:53.380 why is she so controlling? Like we've all been with a chick like that at some point. And there's 1.00

01:03:57.840 also a woman out that would be like, you know, your mom's kind of old and she's tired. So let 0.90

01:04:01.480 me cook dinner for the family on Sunday when they all come over sort of thing. Like, I think that's

01:04:05.600 definitely like one of the green flags that are on my list. I, I, um, I went out with a woman a 0.99

01:04:11.720 couple of times and there was this green flag I'd never considered before. Tell me what you think

01:04:16.880 about this. But we had went on a, I think we had went on a date, maybe a dinner date and she was

01:04:22.480 going to come over at my place for the afternoon. And when she came over, she brought these cupcakes 0.60

01:04:27.000 with these candles and it was number 11 because she knew that I was that week celebrating 11

01:04:35.300 years of doing this podcast. Nice. Yeah. That's exactly what you want. Oh my gosh. Like that was

01:04:42.220 such a turn on that alone. I was like, okay, there's something about her. She's coming over

01:04:48.620 with a gift. She knows what I'm doing. It's important. She's being nurturing, man. That

01:04:54.580 was a huge, huge green flag for me. Yeah. You want to look for women that find a way to infuse

01:05:00.300 themselves into your life and be useful. It's like, uh, I don't know why this is so contentious

01:05:05.680 for so many women today. Like, you know, God forbid they do anything for the express pleasure 1.00

01:05:09.700 of a man. I mean, feminism tells women never to do any of that stuff. Like make a sandwich. I'm 1.00

01:05:14.040 like damn if you made a sandwich for me i'd really appreciate it and ask me what i want on the 0.96

01:05:18.440 sandwich totally what's the why is that a you made me a sandwich why is that a bad thing like i took 1.00

01:05:24.700 you to dinner why is that a bad thing it's not so yeah i want to never understand i want a chick

01:05:28.740 that's like hey you know have you eaten yet hey rich you know i bought you these boxers the other

01:05:32.680 day when i was at the store hey rich 700 horsepower is totally reasonable for a family car

01:05:37.540 i i do okay so i take a little bit of issue with you saying chick yeah like i don't i don't like

01:05:46.280 that term i don't even like calling women girls is it just semantics or like it's just semantics

01:05:52.040 you know we always call them chicks growing up so it's just a word that's in my lingo fair enough

01:05:56.400 yeah i just i i and that might be a sticking point for me you guys would be like oh yeah this

01:06:00.940 girl i like i'm like you're 50 years old dude she's not a girl she's a woman

01:06:04.260 mm-hmm fair enough fair enough tell me about the book man and then we'll wrap things up today

01:06:10.600 yeah so i got two books uh the unplugged alpha was published in 2019 that's kind of a

01:06:15.680 easy path into you know the concept of unplugging the titles the unplugged alpha

01:06:20.980 uh the second one that i recently put out last october is called top shelf man and that's kind

01:06:27.000 of a deeper dive down the rabbit hole it's a little more advanced it sort of deals more with

01:06:30.780 the maintenance phase of relationships and getting more out of what you want from relationships as

01:06:37.560 men at the same time you know get it like when you get more of what you want as a guy believe

01:06:41.300 it or not you actually give her more of what she wants you know you give her the attraction that

01:06:45.140 she wants with the guy she gets more of the things that make her happy in the relationship so i talk

01:06:51.500 about a lot of that i talk about wealth creation methods there's a chapter in there that describes 0.94

01:06:55.640 that the becky apatar which is like the modern woman kind of the gal that you talked about 1.00

01:06:59.420 earlier who's yeah got tattoos wants to roll in jujitsu and shoot guns like that's your that's

01:07:04.900 your typical becky you know the boss girl um so there's a lot of good stuff in that book that i

01:07:09.060 think men once they sort of open up their mind to the idea and the concepts that i talk about will

01:07:14.420 help them get more out of what they want over the long term with gals i'm gonna sync it all up where

01:07:19.000 the guys connect with you man uh it's all centralized on my website just rich cooper.ca

01:07:23.820 cool we'll sync it all up i'll make the book available we'll get guys the social media

01:07:30.820 handles rich i appreciate you man i think sometimes from from the perspective when i

01:07:36.040 first found you i was actually like who's this guy oh i know i know you know you know what you're

01:07:41.940 doing but then i started digging in i'm like yeah that's right yeah that's accurate yep he's right

01:07:48.420 about that one and so i'm glad that uh i'm glad that we're connected i'm glad that we're friends

01:07:53.040 and I'm glad you joined me today, man.

01:07:54.500 Appreciate it.

01:07:55.060 Yeah, well, thanks for having me.

01:07:56.000 It's been a good chat.

01:07:56.760 I mean, you ever need anything again in the future,

01:07:58.200 you know where to find me, brother.

01:07:59.600 Absolutely.

01:08:00.880 Thanks, brother.

01:08:01.920 Thanks, man.

01:08:04.260 We're going to close it out today

01:08:05.480 because we've got another incredible conversation

01:08:09.180 that we're happening and taking place next week.

01:08:11.700 We've also got our Ask Me Anything

01:08:13.800 that takes place tomorrow.

01:08:14.960 And then we've got our Friday Field Notes

01:08:16.540 that takes place, of course, on Friday.

01:08:18.700 But if you resonated with this conversation,

01:08:21.260 you enjoy what Rich had to say,

01:08:23.040 please check out his two books specifically his latest one the top shelf man how the top five

01:08:28.280 percent of men build their wealth live life on their terms and keep high value women i do not

01:08:33.700 think you'll be disappointed also may check make sure to check out our preview call on august 12th

01:08:39.960 at 8 p.m eastern head to the iron council.com slash preview all right guys we'll be back tomorrow

01:08:48.240 for our Ask Me Anything.

01:08:50.100 Until then, go out there, take action,

01:08:52.040 and become the man you are meant to be.

01:08:54.520 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:08:57.500 If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:08:59.140 and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:09:01.520 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 28, 2026

RICH COOPER ｜ Become a High-Value Man

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