00:05:03.680What I'm saying, it's a tool, and the issue is now that there are situations where men really don't have other choices, I would say, or limited choices.
00:05:12.160But then should they be in a marriage in the first place, right?
00:05:15.160If they're saying that that is the only option, if that's the only tool that can actually help them in a marriage, then should they be married in the first place?
00:05:21.280And I don't disagree with that, but the issue is you have a lot of men that want to be a part of their kids' lives.
00:05:25.980and with the court structure the way it is depending on the judge they get you know they
00:05:31.400know if they divorce they might not see their kids as much and they don't want to roll the dice on
00:05:34.700that now I'm not here to say one way or the other what they should do in that situation that's up to
00:05:39.840the individual man but I'm not going to shame a guy for staying in that because he wants to be a
00:05:44.800part of his kids lives and using that as a tool and I find that conservatives tend to shame men
00:05:50.420for doing that I'm not saying that's you I don't know your personal beliefs on it but
00:05:54.780and I'll say it's a tool and it has prolonged and saved more marriages than it's destroyed in my
00:06:02.340opinion so I would love to see the statistics on that because I don't agree with that but what I
00:06:06.260will say though is when so let me just finish this thought so I also know a ton of individuals that
00:06:13.240there's research out there that there's been way more unsuccessful parenting and children actually
00:06:20.720growing up in households that are not working than it is if the couple actually were to stay
00:06:24.820together so separating can actually be beneficial for the kids if there's constant arguments at home
00:06:30.460if there's constant you know dismissal at home so I would argue that it's not necessarily just
00:06:35.140staying with the actual couple themselves that would then allow the couple to see their kids
00:06:38.980regularly I don't necessarily disagree but that's going to be the choice of the man and he's going
00:06:43.080to know the situation better than you um you know i've and same with the woman right like we can't
00:06:48.460speak on behalf of any right but all i'm arguing is that porn is a tool um that has prolonged more
00:06:53.380marriages than it's destroyed and it is and when a quarter of marriages are sexless it's pretty
00:06:58.860widely used i would say um so again i would disagree that it's prolonged a lot more marriage
00:07:04.400i think sorry i should say that you wouldn't agree that you wouldn't agree that in a situation where
00:07:09.240guys deployed that could be useful? I think if the couple communicates that together and that's
00:07:14.680something that they decide on, then that's something that can work. But I think ultimately
00:07:18.100it destroys a marriage. It destroys their intimacy. It destroys the connection that they have. It
00:07:22.480destroys the social community and it builds up a huge tolerance. But didn't the woman destroy the1.00
00:07:26.480marriage because she started it? She didn't have sex with him? I don't think so. I think it comes1.00
00:07:31.160down to communication. So I think it can actually come down to the men destroying it because they
00:07:34.820have unrealistic expectations of what the woman actually should be wanting. American women are1.00
00:07:38.140fat i don't think they have unrealistic expectations so i will agree with you being a professional1.00
00:07:42.700bodybuilder that a lot of women are actually overweight yeah right but that comes down to a
00:07:46.940couple again right having the expectations of actually coming into a marriage and what both0.55
00:07:50.940people actually want in it i agree but people can say things before marriage and then change
00:07:55.420after 100 and i think we've probably you've probably seen a couple where they blow up after0.92
00:07:59.660the kids yeah yeah so you know people become you can't the woman becomes fat and we would agree0.97
00:08:04.860men shouldn't be able to legally control women right no yeah so women should also not be able
00:08:09.980to control men fine fine i agree but my point is you can't control another person and porn is used
00:08:14.940as a tool today yeah so yeah i i've heard that several times and again i agree that porn is a
00:08:20.540tool but i do not agree that it's saved more marriages right so you don't think in the sexless
00:08:25.900marriage when he does that instead of cheat it saves the marriage um i would not say it saves
00:08:31.580the marriage no no i think the ultimate i think the ultimate would be to have the conversation
00:08:38.380and clearly if that is something that is needed in the relationship then they need to have a
00:08:41.980conversation maybe they separate and maybe it's not meant to be together then right but for the
00:08:46.140sake of the kids to actually stay together i don't think that makes okay but me and you are going to
00:08:50.060disagree right and we're having a conversation yeah so therefore a couple can also have a
00:08:55.260conversation and still have the same opinion after so a conversation isn't necessarily going
00:08:59.660going to change anything for a woman that doesn't want to sleep with the man she married it does1.00
00:09:04.120sometimes right but but like in those situations uh porn is used as a tool yeah but it also it
00:09:11.460doesn't also repair any sort of betrayal right like porn does not porn doesn't fix trust issues
00:09:18.840porn doesn't yeah the goal is better connection at the end of the day right so if you have two
00:09:23.180people that disagree regardless of what it is if we're going to work if we're going to school or
00:09:27.000whatever it is it's communication is the underlying factor of it okay so if porn comes into play and
00:09:33.120one person disagrees with it the other person wants it then again it's a mismatch of communication
00:09:37.460that needs to be explored far before you know porn comes in as the ultimate fixer of the tool right
00:09:43.580but I think at times you can communicate with a person but it takes two to tango and there are
00:09:49.160marriages where one person doesn't want to fix the problem so what do you do then you can't control
00:09:54.940another person if they don't want to be divorced which a lot of people don't what then maybe they
00:09:59.480believe it's from god right maybe they believe in a more traditional marriage and they don't
00:10:03.540want to get divorced right so in that situation he's stuck and nobody and nobody really no one
00:10:09.740really has a plan for them it's just don't watch porn well what is he supposed to do if she doesn't
00:10:13.480want to sleep with them well you're stuck to the extent of what you're actually willing to work on
00:10:16.720right so again what else can be brought in as opposed to just porn is that better no but those0.71
00:10:22.080are the only two options that you brought forward either porn or cheat okay what's your third option
00:10:25.580you go to a counselor you talk about it and it doesn't get resolved so then what but it's the
00:10:30.220same thing as with work or with any other relationship let me put it this way we're in
00:10:34.340the real world right so we know that not all problems are going to get resolved you'd agree
00:10:38.140right for sure okay so you know that men are you know they're going to go to counseling and women
00:10:43.300and there's going to be times where the woman still doesn't want to sleep with the husband
00:10:46.860even after and that happens all the time it happens all the time okay so in those situations
00:10:50.740what do you want him to do if he doesn't want to get divorced but then that's up to the couple
00:10:55.540to actually say what they want to do right but so so okay in one sense if we're talking
00:11:00.760theoretically sure it can actually prolong a marriage yeah but is the marriage actually
00:11:05.780better has it saved more marriages no if you want to put it on paper that actually i was thinking i
00:11:11.100would agree prolonged would have been a better term actually i was thinking when i said it i
00:11:15.120would agree with but not saved a marriage let me just jump in here let me give you all about two
00:11:20.220more minutes then we'll go to closings go ahead sorry go ahead well i would just say prevent a
00:11:23.500divorce at the very least that i would agree with yeah it could prevent a divorce but to actually
00:11:27.620say that it has saved a marriage i would 100 disagree with i would say it extended the marriage
00:11:32.120yeah um and you know most like conservatives want you to be together for life so exactly what else
00:11:39.120is he supposed to do so i would agree with that in terms of the prolongation of it but has it
00:11:43.140actually saved it no i think it can actually do a lot more damage even when kids are in the
00:11:47.800household right because it's taking away the emotional intimacy that you actually have with0.99
00:11:52.100the other person right but she did that first if she's withholding sex she did that first it wasn't
00:11:57.420his choice but it depends what led to that what led to her holding it off was an issue with the
00:12:03.040man or was it issue with herself right so don't you think that in a relationship you're both doing
00:12:07.880stuff like it's not just he did things like normally you both you both are flawed people
00:12:12.740everyone's flawed right nobody is perfect i totally agree we're both people so again it's
00:12:19.660not really an excuse to withhold sex like you started it by withholding sex so let me ask you
00:12:26.140this so if there was two people having sex and the man constantly abused the women during sex
00:12:31.400and now she doesn't want to have it anymore then what so she with she withheld herself from sex1.00
00:12:36.980because she was abused every single time she watched sex then what some women are asking for1.00
00:12:41.280abuse these days in the bedroom but what if the woman is actually withholding from sex because1.00
00:12:46.100every single time but every single time she had sex with her husband she was abused because that's
00:12:52.220what he saw obviously obviously i'm not pushing i said that women should not be able to or should
00:12:59.080not have to be forced so yeah i'm not saying again she's withholding right so to your point to say
00:13:03.460that do you think that's the majority of sexless marriages honestly i really think i think it's
00:13:08.680now um dr carlo fresto was actually talking about aggressive marriages from watching porn in the
00:13:14.520digital means and he's actually saying that the rates have gone up significantly higher from the
00:13:18.820that's because women's porn um has increased women watch more violent porn than men so if
00:13:23.860anything it's the other way around i think it's increased i mean the amount of men that actually
00:13:27.920watch aggressive porn is significantly higher so men has the women watching it has increased but
00:13:32.580men watching i'm just saying women have led that trend and it's pretty evident with 50 shades of
00:13:36.900right yeah yeah but again that's like the point still remains the same right so what if the woman
00:13:41.060wants to withhold because she doesn't want to be abused right so it's still the same thing0.92
00:13:43.880ladies ladies you can say no if you're getting abused i'll give you that yeah um however what1.00
00:13:50.540i would say is still back to the point that porn has prolonged more marriages and the majority of
00:13:55.180sexless marriages i would say are not abused let's let's go to you for a closing statement
00:13:59.600go ahead i would agree that porn has prolonged more marriages has it saved them i would say